Should i burst a sebaceous cyst on vagina

Hey everyone, I have been super hesitant posting on the thread about my medical mystery that has been ongoing for about 7 months now, I’m just at a loss and want to know if anyone has had any similar issues or advice.
Back in 2019 I had a hyperextension injury in my lower back, near my SI joint. Long story short, after scans were done, they found out I have spina bifida occulta, they told me that I’d have to live with the pain I was having and sent me on my way. Frustrated, I kept pushing through until the next issues occurred.
November 1, 2023, exactly 7 months ago now, I woke up one morning with a headache. Nothing out of the ordinary for me honestly, I’ve been told I suffer with a type of migraine disorder, but Tylenol always made it go away after a while. Skip ahead to now, June 1, 2024, and this headache is still here, I know it sounds crazy, but every single day I wake up with this headache and go to sleep with this headache, absolutely no medication has helped me, and trust me I’ve tried quite a few.
Along with this headache, I noticed a lot of other symptoms, and honestly so much has changed since then I can’t remember them all, but some include: weight gain, blurry vision (almost like a film over my eyes at times), extreme fatigue, extreme bruising out of nowhere, free bleeding every time I got even the tiniest scratch, not sleeping at night, random weakness and numbness in my hands, random entire body weakness, even more sugar drops than normal (I’m also Hypoglycemic), muscle cramps, dizziness, joint and muscle pain (more than usual), muscle cramps (more than usual), abdominal pain, extreme indigestion and heart burn, extreme bloating, TMJ flares 24/7, a knot on the side of my face located at my temple, major brain to speech delays that have almost made me speak differently now, brain fog, and the list could continue forever I feel like.
After what felt like forever with this headache and all the other issues, I go to my PCP hoping that they can help me somehow. They told me I was getting over a sinus infection and gave me antibiotics for fluid behind my ear, and muscle relaxers for my TMJ flare up which they said caused the knot on my temple as well. I didn’t think this was the issue, but did as told, and took the medications the course I was given, and to no avail, nothing changed. They said that they would refer me to a neurologist and stated that this could take a while and that they would also probably need a head CT for scheduling to accept me. No CT was scheduled and I hadn’t heard back from them in a while.
December 24, 2023, I ended up in my local ER with a debilitating headache, where I gave them my entire sob story over again, because at this point I felt so stupid coming to the ER for this. They done a head CT and gave me some IV meds that took the edge off the slightest, enough to where I could at least function some, but still in pain. They told me that my head CT was normal and that I needed to go to the neurologist after getting an appointment. So a wasted trip in my eyes because I’m still left in pain with absolutely no idea what is going on.
I get in with my now neurologist in the new year and start going to see them. They prescribed me a lot of different medications for a period of time over 3 months to see what would help, news flash, nothing helped, ever, it’s still here to this day. I have also had a brain MRI and a EEG done as well. They thought that maybe with my issues with spina bifida occulta, that I had a Chiari Malformation or some type of seizure disorder that had just made itself known. Guess what, all scans are normal, spectacular even as they all told me, my scans were the picture of health! Then why do I feel so bad every single day.
Fast forward to many appointments and medications and blood panels later. I have an appointment with my neurologist to go over what we should do next. I told them that I was also starting to experience major abdominal pain on my right lower abdomen. They assumed that maybe it was appendicitis, so we done some tests, they assumed that I was fine and sent me downstairs for bloodwork. Now,‘I’ve never had issues with getting bloodwork done, I’m a super nerd about everything medical and have absolutely no weak stomach to anything. I am getting my blood drawn and completely black out. I mean stopped breathing and had compressions started in the middle of the lab. When I finally came to, they checked all of my vitals, all normal, minus my bp was a little bit elevated. Everything else, even sugar, all normal. I was rushed to the ER that is closest to my neurologist, which is 2 and a half hours away from my house. They thought maybe I did have appendicitis and it burst. Or a possible ovarian cyst.
In the ambulance and in the ER waiting for a room, it almost happens a second and third time. I’m terrified at this point. They run an EKG, abdominal CT, bloodwork, urine sample, ultrasounds, the entire works. Guess what, all comes back normal, except they did find that my liver is slightly enlarged? Odd, but okay. I get set up appointments with a cardiologist, a GI specialist, an orthopedist spine specialist, and told to visit my OBGYN for the possible ovarian pain.
Now time for a speed round of these appointments: - OBGYN says my abdominal pain is pelvic floor muscle spasms, no reason why, gave me muscle relaxers, has gone away mostly - Cardiologist says I need a heart monitor to assess my heart palpitations, haven’t gotten that yet, so at a dead end with that for now - Spine specialist done X-rays, confirmed spina bifida occulta, also diagnosed me with degenerative disc disease (runs in my family and I done gymnastics my entire life to make it worse), I have Bilateral sacroiliitis, and Mild lumbar stenosis, sending me to PT and getting dry needling done, just had my first appointment yesterday, so ongoing. - GI specialist does an insane amount of bloodwork (yay finally), and now I’m scheduled for a fibroscan of my liver next month.
However, the following are the current bloodwork results: - High chloride - Low CO2 - Low Bun - High Alpha-1 Antitrypsin - High iron - High Transferrin - High AST - High ALT (almost double the normal amount) - Positive Antinuclear Antibodies (ANA) - ANA Titer value 1:80 - ANA Pattern Homogeneous
They also told me that even through I have had all of my hepatitis vaccines throughout my stages of life, that I am NOT protected against Hepatitis B and need to go get another round of the vaccine, however, have no active Hepatitis B infection.
And the little background I have: currently on birth control, Loryna® (Drospirenone and Ethinyl Estradiol Tablets, USP) 3 mg/0.02 mg, for oral use, I have been on this since early 2020. And I was on Lexapro 10mg for a little over a year between late 2022 to very early 2024. I am no longer taking Lexapro.
I am stumped and confused and frustrated beyond compare at this point and don’t know where to turn to next. Has anyone had an experience even close to this or any advice for where I should turn next?

Hi, I have had a sebaceous cyst become infected a few times (repeat infection). The most recent two times I received medical care for it. Second to most recent I was given antibiotics which worked. Most recent time I was also given antibiotics but the infection was much worse (each recurrence it has gotten worse).
With the most recent I also saw a dermatologist who said they advised against any procedures due to risk of spreading the infection while it was active. I had a follow up today (no longer active infection and hasn’t been for about 6-8 weeks). Initially we had discussed removing it once the infection went down. At today’s appointment the dermatologist said they thought what was left was scar tissue and not a cyst.
To me it feels identical to how it felt between infections in the past. I did take antibiotics for nearly 2 months and this time around it did drain some for the first time of any of the infections.
I am curious if I should seek out a second opinion? Am I just being a difficult patient by thinking there could be further recurrences? I am stressed and have anxiety over it currently due to the significant ant pain last time around and have no desire to go through it again. I also don’t want to be a difficult patient and be arguing with medical professionals.
I would appreciate any advise on what I should do. Thank you in advance!

Hi guys, so I have a bartholin cyst that got so massive the other day I finally decided to try the home remedies. I put a warm compress on it and when I woke up it had burst in the night. That was two days ago and ever since then it has been draining, just blood and liquid on the first day but now i’m noticing pus.
The problem is I was taking antibiotics yesterday but I just ran out today. I am a bit concerned about the pus and worried about getting an infection. I have to take specific antibiotics too because I also have IBD and am taking a lot of medication for that. Do you think it’s worth going to the doctor tomorrow and seeing if I should get some more antibiotics? Or do you think if I take care of it for the next few days I shouldn’t be at too much of a risk for anything major? And probably wont get an infection if i look after it?
Really appreciate the help! xxx

So I have a cyst on the wall of my vagina, right where your panties sit. It's been drained 3x (2021) and somehow, it made its way back. The pain is agony, but l've been using honey and garlic (not a dr) and the pain has subdued, it's shrunk from the size of a Cherry to almost nothing (I say nothing because I feel something, but it could be scar tissue from prior draining). The problem? There's a hole in it. Since applying the paste for 3 days straight I've never saw it drain or any pus, just noticed the size difference and felt better. Should I go to the doctor? Part of me says no bc it's no longer painful and the other part says go bc there's now a hole there. Is that normal? Will it close!? Q1 Comment

I have been feeling dizzy on and off. my boobs hurt a little and then it goes away. the last time I had sex was 3 weeks & 3 days ago. my period is 4, about to be 5 days late. today in the car I started having cramps that gradually increased in pain for about an hour & 45 minutes at one point I felt like I was going to pass out and got really hot. after drinking water, laying down and eating some mac and cheese I felt better. I’m wondering if I had a cyst burst or something. I feel way better now. but I ended up taking a pregnancy test and I got excited thinking I might be pregnant. should I test again in a few days? I also got a cheap $6 test, not the $20 one. thoughts? :/

I’ve been on 30mg for almost 3 weeks and going to increase to 60mg next month. On 30mg i’ve been breaking out but nothing more than what i was before accutane. But i do see some scars clearing up a bit.
I have been having more sebaceous filaments and restarted an oil cleanser I used before. Can this be from over moisturizing?
Also if others have gone from 30>60mg did you experience more purging? On the closed pimples/cysts i have been using peachslices deep pimple patches to try to get them out without picking, should i still be doing this?

Hi. I’m a 40 y/o/f experiencing early perimenopause symptoms for almost 2 years now.
About 8 years ago, I got a cyst or a boil (I don’t know the difference), very painful, in the fold of skin between my butt cheek and my upper thigh.
I had it lanced and packed, tried sulfa meds (allergic reaction), moved to another med, and it healed. No worries.
Then March 15 this year, out of nowhere, it comes back with a vengeance. Right before my period. Exact same location. Grows hard, fast painful. Tried warm soaks and compresses, won’t burst. After 4 days of being in too much pain to walk or sit, made my way to Urgent Care. Lanced. Packed. No antibiotics. Took about a week to two to heal…
April 3, it comes back! Exact same location. Right before my period. I call into urgent care: they write an RX for doxycycline hyclate 100mg, which I take all of. Caught it early. No lancing. It goes down.
Now, today, May 29. It’s back as of yesterday. After my period. Exact same damn location. Painful. Tender. Hurts to walk. Sit. Went to PCP. Gave me doxycycline again and a cream.
I just turned 40 this month. 150 lbs, 5’3”, so a little overweight but not obese. I vape, but don’t smoke. I don’t drink a lot, one or two drinks every few weeks. I don’t wear a lot of tight clothing. Maybe yoga pants a couple of times a week. I bathe/shower daily. Cotton underwear, breathable. I threw out my old loofah and soap and razor for fear of reinfection. I have autoimmune vitiligo and severe environmental allergies (dust, dogs, cats, trees, grass, weeds). I have one small 5 lb low allergen maltipoo.
Any ideas on what this is and how to treat/address this with my doc?
I don’t want to keep taking antibiotics and develop resistance to kill out all my flora…
Not super pleased with the idea of cutting a chunk of skin out to completely remove that pocket that keeps getting infected….
Looking for ideas:
-should I have a scan done? -what is it? -what’s causing it? -holistic health forward ways to resolve it? -is surgery my best/only option? -what would you do?
TIA!

I'm visiting for a wedding and a sebaceous cyst has sprung up on my face in the worst possible place and time. Is it realistic for me to get an appointment at a GP (or dermatologist with no referral) within a weeks time? Price is not an issue I just need this thing gone. Willing to drive anywhere but prefer to stay in the western half so I'm not in traffic all day. From what I've read GPs should be able to remove it
I live in america and am under my parents insurance for another year, not sure if it has overseas coverage so I'm expecting to pay out of pocket. I was born in NL and am still a citizen if it makes a difference, but haven't lived there since 2002.
Summary: Is it possible to get an appointment for cyst removal within the next week as a traveler with no insurance? Will pay any price and travel any distance

I had a sebaceous cyst removed from my head a few months ago. The procedure was in office and was very simple. When I called the price estimate hotline, they quoted me an out of pocket cost of about $150(all costs I will mention are my costs after insurance).
After the procedure I received a bill with 2 charges: the first is $121 for the removal of the cyst, and the second charge is about $630 that I have no clue what it is for. I have called and emailed multiple people about this trying to get an answer as to what this mystery charge is for and the only thing that I have been told is that it was for “diagnostic testing” of the cyst that was removed. I even asked my doctor directly and he said that he did not order any testing and that I should dispute the charge. At no point prior to having this procedure was any testing discussed with me or was I told that it would be coming out of my pocket. I also have never seen any results from the “diagnostic testing” and my doctor has not told me of any results either. As far as I know my provider is trying to pull the wool over my eyes.
I already filed an appeal with my insurance company and they have been no help. What other options do I have to get to the bottom of what the heck is going on here?

But she is still shit. She feels like an auto scroller now. I can kill her first phase no problem, but her 2nd phase is still plagued with garbage design. Her tornado attack shouldn't override unstoppable which it currently does. She shouldn't spawn high damage attacks directly under your feet and most importantly the ghosts that fly around should lose 80% of their tracking. They should track for an initial hit and then wander around until they fade instead of aggressively tracking you. Also as each platform falls so should a bubble that can spawn ghosts.
Idk it's like I can see how good it is now, but it is just still garbage. Also stunning a boss (all bosses) should end all mechanics currently happening on screen. Stun Lilith? All cysts bursts, all ghosts disappear just everything. I do a good thing by stunning the boss, but the 50 mechanics in the fight are still progressing as if nothing happened. Just wish they would get their heads out of their ass and prioritize fun with this fight. Also the final stand needs to go or all torment debuff needs to be removed when you reach it. She shouldn't be at 0 HP not dying

I had my procedure first thing on Wednesday morning (robotic, left ovaries but took everything else; I’m 39 with no kids) and my recovery has so far been fantastic. I’ve had two laps for endometriosis excision and one emergency cystectomy after a chocolate cyst burst, so surgery itself is nothing new. The worst part of recovery has been the shoulder gas pain but even that has been manageable with ibuprofen. We did some light retail therapy today and I bought some new fancy underwear for when I’m finished recovering. 😀
Also got my pathology report back today and woooo, no wonder I already feel better. There was endo, hemorrhagic adhesions, so many fibroids that the doc stopped counting at 10, and my uterus was more than 3x the normal size. He actually had to put a stitch in my vagina because I guess the damn thing was too big to come out.
I just wanted to pop in here to say that I wish I’d done this years ago because living with endometriosis has been a living hell. Even with the post surgery bloating, I feel lighter, healthier. Pre-surgery my hemoglobin was low and you could tell that I didn’t feel well. Can’t wait to get 100 percent of my strength back and see what life has to offer!

I had my surgery this morning at 8 am 5/23/24 (32F). I feel decent. Mostly cramping in my lower abdomen bladder area. I'm getting around better than I thought but definitely taking it easy and not over doing it. My husband is walking me to the bathroom and first several pees is pulling my shorts up for me. I had a nerve block. I heard when the nerve block wears off the pain will be much worse. When did the nerve block wear off and how much worse is the pain? What days are the worst days for everyone, when does it seem like you can walk around without pain and should I get up to pee during the night for the first night. Im afraid if I don't it'll hurt too bad to even get up and go and be in severe pain. I went about 3ish hours and it was hurting and cramping a lot.
I still have my ovaries. I didn't have anything that significant to need the surgery. I have pain with sex, can't wear tampons, they found a cyst and drained it. They said the cyst wasn't normal. I have heavy periods, I can fill a super pad in 30-45 minutes on the heaviest day and also get bad itching on my vagina before and during my period but my pap smears are normal and I just didn't want periods for the next however long. I'm a scuba diver and have also had several dige trips ruined because of the heavy periods and when I would go out on the boat I would see blood running down the boat because of how heavy my periods are. Excited to be over this hump and get my life back!

Hey everyone I’m 31 in the UK and really struggling to get answers and help. My GP makes me feel like I’m purposely wasting their time and just love coming to the doctors or I’m going crazy.
My whole life my cycle and periods have been hellish. I was diagnosed with pcos at 16. Always suffered with extremely heavy periods, huge clots, period pain mostly in my lower back and legs. Then came the hemorrhagic ovarian cysts - some up to 12 cm month after month whilst trying to conceive. Finally I got pregnant and maintained the pregnancy after a miscarriage with the help of Clomid and progesterone suppositories. Pregnancy and breast feeding for two years was bliss with no period. Then the first 4 months when they started again were ok but boy am I paying for it now.
The last 6-8 months have been absolutely horrendous for me health wise.
CYCLE RELATED SYMPTOMS- The period pain is excruciating but worse than my period is around ovulation time - from day 10 of my cycle is HELL. The pain is ridiculous. My pelvis, hips lower back and legs down to my knee. From the end of my period until after ovulation I’m constantly spotting. There’s blood and little bits of tissue in my wee too. My lower abdomen and into my legs is like buzzing / vibrating it starts with my period but goes on well after ovulation it’s the weirdest feeling. Like I’m constantly shaking but inside.
OTHER SYMPTOMS
Around my pelvic bone and my outer labia tingle with pins and needles frequently.
I’ve been diagnosed with SIBO after having left upper quadrant pain for months, just below my left ribs. I was constantly pooping, poo was orange and sometimes yellow, my digestion noises were actually crazy you could hear my stomach growling away in the next room, horrendous wind, zero appetite and feeling full after eating very little.
I’ve also just been diagnosed with rosacea by my GP. The flushing in my face started two months ago. My cheeks are constantly burning and tingling and are bright red.
Then randomly during all this was diagnosed with a bladder prolapse at 31 !! Two years after having a c section and always maintaining my pelvic floor. Had a funny feeling down there, kind of felt like my vagina hole was partially blocked. Went to a&e massively freaked out and they said I’d had a partial bladder prolapse. Anyway the sensation went away after around a week. Paid to see a private gyno who said I 100% have not had a bladder prolapse there’s nothing there. My bladder is very much where it should be. And I also can’t feel the bulge that was there now either?! It’s just gone!
What the actual eff. I just feel like everything js wrong with me. I was really scared I had cancer for a while - my dad died of pancreatic cancer at a young age and I was super scared with the GI stuff it was related but I’ve had an endoscopy and colonoscopy and all looked good in terms of that. The breath testing came back with SIBO and the antibiotics I’ve had for that seem to have done the trick for the GI stuff.
So anyway now the advice needed -
Do my symptoms sound like endo? Has anyone experienced anything similar? I feel after reading it they do but a part of me is still super paranoid I’ve got cancer.
I saw the private gyno who wants to do a hysteroscopy. Is this the best course of action? He said this incase I have a polyp or fibroid as he could remove it then and there but I don’t think I do have this as I had a clear ultrasound and CT scan.
Would an MRI be better ? I’ve read this can be pretty accurate at diagnosing endo now and it’s less invasive.
Although I have also been told that a laparoscopy is the only way to know for sure if it’s endo. Should I be asking for a laparoscopy?
If you’ve got to the end of my post thank you so much for reading. Any help or advice would be much appreciated I’m really struggling.

Hello guys today I am here to talk about my journey about bartholin cyst. About three weeks ago I notice small pea like thing around left side of my down lip and I was confused because it was very new for me. I 20 female never in my life had ever heard about it until i myself suffered from it. I don’t know why no one around me talked about it or why was I not enlightened about it. I was scared I thought I was the weird one I definitely didn’t wanted to share it with anyone. One week passed and it started taking shape of tennis ball and it started hurting still was doing my regular stuffs works and all. Second week it started getting red and really painful then I looked it up in internet and I saw lot of women’s talking about it and I somewhat felt relieved that I am not the only one. I talked with lot of them and read their journey took tips and help from them and overall I was happy even though I was in pain. Then I started taking sitz bath with tea tree oil, witch hazel and salt and took some painkillers but that did not work for me for few days it was kind of reliving the pain but it didn’t help much And that is when I gather courage and talked with my friends and they suggested me to go hospital but I was not sure if I should go. When I started my third week with bartholin cyst things completely changed walking and sitting was already uncomfortable I reached to the point where I couldn’t even stand properly and after that painful experience I finally went to hospital my cyst started bursting little by little until I reached hospital and the doctor said stay calm for 5 mins don’t move or make noise today either you’re gonna go home without pain or with a lot of pain (I wanted to punch that mf so bad) but again without any numbness or any anesthesia that mf drained it out and it hurt like hell but after few mins of all the pain and stuffing I finally let the painless breadth out. After that I came home with antibiotics and without a pain it’s a second day and I’m already feeling much better. So the moral of my story is you don’t have to keep it by yourself there are a lot of people out there who is going through the same thing you are not alone. Next is yes sitz bath and home made remedies can help but it depends on ones body someone might get through it but some other might not so always keep looking around for other options too. Overall it was long painful somewhat memorable and weird journey I had ever experienced in my 20 years of life a journey through bartholin cyst where I was not alone at least.

Hi All,
I am a 23F, and I want to share my journey with ovarian cysts and seek further suggestions if anyone can help me.
Since my 10th grade, I have had heavy periods lasting more than 10 days, ending with brown spotting. On the 14th day after my period, I noticed thick brownish-red mucus coming out of my vagina, which was very long and hanging out. I know it sounds weird, but I neglected this for years. I got married last year and have been trying to conceive since then but have not been successful. It's been over a year of trying with no pregnancy.
I had my first ultrasound, which revealed a 41mm hemorrhagic ovarian cyst on my right ovary. The doctor recommended a follow-up scan after six weeks, which then showed a 47mm cyst on my right ovary, while my left ovary was normal.
Before this, my doctor started pregnancy treatment and put me on regesterone for three months to correct my cycle. Although I always had regular periods, they were very heavy. After taking regesterone, my periods only lasted for five days, which was quite surprising, and I felt extremely happy that my periods had become normal and no longer heavy. I also no longer had thick brownish-red mucus on my 14th day. The doctor then stopped the regesterone and prescribed clomifene and progynova tablets for one month, asking me to track my ovulation and try for pregnancy. I tracked my ovulation, and I was indeed ovulating, which made me happy.
However, this happiness did not last long. Once I stopped the regesterone, my periods became heavy again, and I experienced sharp pain in my right abdomen. This led me to another ultrasound, which revealed a 4-5cm ovarian cyst on my right ovary. The doctor diagnosed it as an endometrioma and immediately stopped my pregnancy medication, stating that we need to treat the cyst first. They have referred me to the gynecology department.
I am very confused and do not know much, but my ultimate goal is to get pregnant. I have many doubts and questions racing through my mind:

1. Does the cyst need surgery?
2. If I have surgery, will it affect my fertility even if they leave my ovary intact?
3. Can it be treated with medication?
4. Can I try for pregnancy with some medications even with the cyst? Is pregnancy possible?
5. Some say surgery increases fertility, but others say some part of the ovary will be damaged, causing infertility. Which one is true?
6. Can it be cured with a proper diet? I am a skinny woman and am afraid a diet will make me thinner. I also have low hemoglobin levels due to my heavy periods.
7. Should I go for the surgery so that I could get pregnant asap?

I appreciate any insights or experiences you can share. Thank you!

Hi All,
I am a 23F, and I want to share my journey with ovarian cysts and seek further suggestions if anyone can help me.
Since my 10th grade, I have had heavy periods lasting more than 10 days, ending with brown spotting. On the 14th day after my period, I noticed thick brownish-red mucus coming out of my vagina, which was very long and hanging out. I know it sounds weird, but I neglected this for years. I got married last year and have been trying to conceive since then but have not been successful. It's been over a year of trying with no pregnancy.
I had my first ultrasound, which revealed a 41mm hemorrhagic ovarian cyst on my right ovary. The doctor recommended a follow-up scan after six weeks, which then showed a 47mm cyst on my right ovary, while my left ovary was normal.
Before this, my doctor started pregnancy treatment and put me on regesterone for three months to correct my cycle. Although I always had regular periods, they were very heavy. After taking regesterone, my periods only lasted for five days, which was quite surprising, and I felt extremely happy that my periods had become normal and no longer heavy. I also no longer had thick brownish-red mucus on my 14th day. The doctor then stopped the regesterone and prescribed clomifene and progynova tablets for one month, asking me to track my ovulation and try for pregnancy. I tracked my ovulation, and I was indeed ovulating, which made me happy.
However, this happiness did not last long. Once I stopped the regesterone, my periods became heavy again, and I experienced sharp pain in my right abdomen. This led me to another ultrasound, which revealed a 4-5cm ovarian cyst on my right ovary. The doctor diagnosed it as an endometrioma and immediately stopped my pregnancy medication, stating that we need to treat the cyst first. They have referred me to the gynecology department.
I am very confused and do not know much, but my ultimate goal is to get pregnant. I have many doubts and questions racing through my mind:

1. Does the cyst need surgery?
2. If I have surgery, will it affect my fertility even if they leave my ovary intact?
3. Can it be treated with medication?
4. Can I try for pregnancy with some medications even with the cyst? Is pregnancy possible?
5. Some say surgery increases fertility, but others say some part of the ovary will be damaged, causing infertility. Which one is true?
6. Can it be cured with a proper diet? I am a skinny woman and am afraid a diet will make me thinner. I also have low hemoglobin levels due to my heavy periods.
7. Should I go for the surgery so that I could get pregnant asap?

I appreciate any insights or experiences you can share. Thank you!

I (27F) have recently been diagnosed with right ovary endometriosis. I was having severe pain in my right side and the Ultrasonography showed a 66x44 mm endometriosis on my right side, only it, no other cysts surrounding. Now I am kinda sleepy all day I wake up with difficulty, Upon waking up and half the day I have devastating pain in my right leg which makes it tiring to walk, the pain extends to my abdomen and whole right side and I get really, really tired, my legs feel the same as after a workout, dull aching. I have pain in my pelvic area, right side of my belly, feels like my muscles are strained and tender. Can all this be a consequence of endometriosis, or should I get checked again for something else? Sometimes the inside wal of my vagina and rectum hurt as well, but it is mild.

I am hopeful for advice as I feel like I’m loosing my mind lol. I got the results from my most recent ultrasound Friday. My gyno shared that I have adenomyosis and that it’s the first time she’s seen this on the ultrasound. I was ecstatic about finally having my lower right side abdominal/pelvic/groin/hip pain explained as this has been an issue for several years and I felt like i was a medical abnormality lol. She shared that no endo showed up in the ultrasound. She shared that typical treatment would be to get an iud or go on BC, get a deep tissue message for adeno pain and find a pelvic floor therapist for the pain and the incontinence issues I’ve had for the past year. I was told that I might not be the best candidate for another laparoscopic surgery as she doesn’t really see the need to do another but that she would leave the choice up to me. She will put me on the surgery wait list if I choose.
History: diagnosed with endo 2021, laparoscopy in 2022. I had a 5 cm ovary cyst at the time and the other ovary was covered in smaller cysts. Cysts were not addressed or removed while I was operated on. The 5 cm cyst wasn’t found I believe I burst it prior to surgery. Pockets of endo were found deep in my pelvis and removed. Although pain decreased after surgery, I knew they left something as my right side pain didn’t leave. I assume this was adenomyosis. I’m currently on orilissa and went off of BC 2 years ago as I was going to try for a kid but…
Soooo I feel like I should push for another lap- endo doesn’t always show on scans. Re adeno, any advice?
Oh and she mentioned like 6 months ago maybe ends had spread to my bladder ..
My aunt has adeno and is getting a hysterectomy. I’m 24 and scared sh*t less about my future and desperately need to manage these conditions.

I am hopeful for advice as I feel like I’m loosing my mind lol. I got the results from my most recent ultrasound Friday. My gyno shared that I have adenomyosis and that it’s the first time she’s seen this on the ultrasound. I was ecstatic about finally having my lower right side abdominal/pelvic/groin/hip pain explained as this has been an issue for several years and I felt like i was a medical abnormality lol. She shared that no endo showed up in the ultrasound. She shared that typical treatment would be to get an iud or go on BC, get a deep tissue message for adeno pain and find a pelvic floor therapist for the pain and the incontinence issues I’ve had for the past year. I was told that I might not be the best candidate for another laparoscopic surgery as she doesn’t really see the need to do another but that she would leave the choice up to me. She will put me on the surgery wait list if I choose.
History: diagnosed with endo 2021, laparoscopy in 2022. I had a 5 cm ovary cyst at the time and the other ovary was covered in smaller cysts. Cysts were not addressed or removed while I was operated on. The 5 cm cyst wasn’t found I believe I burst it prior to surgery. Pockets of endo were found deep in my pelvis and removed. Although pain decreased after surgery, I knew they left something as my right side pain didn’t leave. I assume this was adenomyosis. I’m currently on orilissa and went off of BC 2 years ago as I was going to try for a kid but…
Soooo I feel like I should push for another lap- endo doesn’t always show on scans. Re adeno, any advice?
Oh and she mentioned like 6 months ago maybe ends had spread to my bladder ..
My aunt has adeno and is getting a hysterectomy. I’m 24 and scared sh*t less about my future and desperately need to manage these conditions.

I am hopeful for advice as I feel like I’m loosing my mind lol. I got the results from my most recent ultrasound Friday. My gyno shared that I have adenomyosis and that it’s the first time she’s seen this on the ultrasound. I was ecstatic about finally having my lower right side abdominal/pelvic/groin/hip pain explained as this has been an issue for several years and I felt like i was a medical abnormality lol. She shared that no endo showed up in the ultrasound. She shared that typical treatment would be to get an iud or go on BC, get a deep tissue message for adeno pain and find a pelvic floor therapist for the pain and the incontinence issues I’ve had for the past year. I was told that I might not be the best candidate for another laparoscopic surgery as she doesn’t really see the need to do another but that she would leave the choice up to me. She will put me on the surgery wait list if I choose.
History: diagnosed with endo 2021, laparoscopy in 2022. I had a 5 cm ovary cyst at the time and the other ovary was covered in smaller cysts. Cysts were not addressed or removed while I was operated on. The 5 cm cyst wasn’t found I believe I burst it prior to surgery. Pockets of endo were found deep in my pelvis and removed. Although pain decreased after surgery, I knew they left something as my right side pain didn’t leave. I assume this was adenomyosis. I’m currently on orilissa and went off of BC 2 years ago as I was going to try for a kid but…
Soooo I feel like I should push for another lap- endo doesn’t always show on scans. Re adeno, any advice?
My aunt has adeno and is getting a hysterectomy. I’m 24 and scared sh*t less about my future and desperately need to manage these conditions.

Hello again. You may have seen my previous posts: 34/F, large + hemorrhaging 7.4cm tumor (details and all test reports in my post history if you want specifics). Today was a big deal - I made it to my (partial!) nephrectomy follow-up appointment!!! Pathology revealed the best outcome related to the worst possibility - renal epithelioid angiomyolipoma (eAML). The tumor was locally aggressive, but I was extremely lucky- it kept to the corner of my kidney and had limited markers of malignancy. My full pathology report is at the bottom of this post if you: 1) just want skip to technical details, or 2) want an example of a low quality pathology report and why asking for more details from pathology is okay and necessary if you don't have the info needed to make health decisions, especially with diagnoses that rely on cellular level composition.
TLDR; I'm healing very well and doing great mentally/physically, with a very positive prognosis despite the potentially malignant nature of my tumor. However, eAML is extremely rare and I found limited personal stories from others with eAML. Its many similarities to a more common, benign kidney tumor meant I genuinely had to fight for every step of treatment from MRI -> biopsy -> surgery -> pathology. I've been on Reddit a long time; even years-old reddit posts frequently help me find answers to niche questions. The rest of this post is information heavy and intended for anyone who wants to know more about eAML. My focus is mainly on facts that could aid self advocacy and more productive conversations with a doctor if a tumor of reasonable concern is otherwise being dismissed.
^\I am not a medical doctor, but I did finish my PhD in biology while dealing with my own eAML. My doctorate doesn't qualify me in any way to diagnose anyone/anything, but I) ^{do have relevant expertise and research experience. Functionally, this is only a summary of personal research related to my personal health. Last updated May 2024.}
Epithelioid Angiomyolipoma (eAML, also classified as a Perivascular Epithelioid Cell neoplasm) is a rare but distinct variant of 'traditional' angiomyolipoma (AML). Both tumors are part of the PEComa family- a group of less common neoplasms in the world of unwanted body lumps. They can form spontaneously in soft tissues like kidneys, and frequently have no symptoms. Genetic risks, like tuberous sclerosis, are linked to AML but when genetics causes aren't a concern these tumors are disproportionately diagnosed in middle aged women. A renal AML is scary to unexpectedly discover on a routine or unrelated test, but most renal AMLs are ultimately benign and very not-scary. If you have a renal AML, don't be surprised if your doctor literally does nothing. A lumpy but healthy kidney is more useful than half or no kidney. Small, asymptomatic AMLs can be safely monitored without intervention, and slightly larger ones are usually successfully managed with embolization. Only particularly large (7cm+) and/or highly veined AMLs tend to display dangerous symptoms (like rupture and hemorrhage) and might be surgically removed, but both published literature and the doctors I've spoken to over the past year suggested embolization first to avoid surgery, try to shrink the tumor, and save the kidney. The fatty component of most AMLs and natural variation in tumor composition can sometimes make it hard to tell a fatty AML from clear cell renal carcinoma, or a less-common fat-poor AML from papillary renal cell carcinoma. Biopsy of uncertain tumors big enough to sample is reliable when imaging alone can't differentiate cancer from benign tumors. In uncertain edge cases, especially without biopsy, pathology after surgery usually finds suspected cancer was actually a benign tumor - almost never the other way around.
This background information about "typical" renal AMLs is important to understand so you know when NOT to panic, which is most of the time with AMLs. This information also gave me perspective and helped me understand why my concerns didn't get much of a response at first. In the kidney world AMLs are routine noise compared to renal cell carcinomas, and at a glance I definitely fit the profile for a typical AML diagnosis.
I won't sugarcoat this though: eAML is an entirely different diagnosis, with malignant potential and worse prognosis than RCCs if it spreads. Reasonable concerns of eAML should be promptly addressed because removal is currently the only reliable treatment. Removal IS curative... if it hasn't spread. I won't provide any links but if you have eAML concerns, you deserve a fair and serious warning: do not read individual case studies describing large or aggressive eAMLs. I'll spoil them for you: the prognosis is always bad, the descriptions are deeply upsetting, and I found very little help, only anxiety. A tumor is scary enough - data from single cases can be found without graphic descriptions in AML/eAML literature reviews. If you're like me and find comfort in learning and understanding, stick to reading reviews, research papers, and articles covering info related to multiple cases.
So, what is a 'concern' and why did I suspect anything other than AML?

• 34 years old is reasonable for an AML, but mine was abnormally huge - already over 7cm. Assuming even a relatively "fast" growth rate of ~1cm/yr, this tumor probably started in my mid-20's. That's really young - not impossible, but an abnormal age and an abnormal size.
• I experienced multiple spontaneous hemorrhage events. My tumor was initially found during an ER trip after a big, painful, internal bleed, but once we found the tumor I realized a less severe but awful pain incident 4 years earlier was also the tumor hemorrhaging (I slept it off and dismissed the pain as a burst ovarian cyst or something after the nurse hotline wasn't overly concerned). Spontaneous AML hemorrhage is rare, but it happens. Hemorrhaging twice is very unusual and very concerning, and I couldn't find clear data about AMLs with multiple confirmed hemorrhage events.
• The AML itself presented strangely on imaging, and the cause was confirmed by a biopsy. My tumor had no fat whatsoever, and foci of necrosis. Again, fat-invisible AML are rare but known. It was the unusual no-fat composition combined with necrosis and hemorrhage that was extremely not normal and flagged in several papers as a sign of something worse. Necrosis, hemorrhage, and a lack of visible fat don't guarantee an eAML diagnosis, and not all eAMLs have the presentation mine did, but all three major factors together were a strong indication of unusual and aggressive tumor behavior and the need for pathology to check for eAML.
• On a more subjective note-my tumor always bothered me. I didn't feel a lump because it was soft, but it did cause constant discomfort and sometimes pain, which I brushed off as gas or a diet problem. Once the tumor was found and I understood what I was experiencing, I realized I hadn't actually been without discomfort or pain for years, but ignored my symptoms because they weren't extreme and I was so healthy otherwise.

Clinical outcomes for eAML are probably not as bad as older papers suggest.&text=Range%20of%20the%20gross%20appearances%20in%20epithelioid%20angiomyolipoma%20(AML)) - it's just rare and only extreme cases were initially described. Some papers might make you think it's a death sentence, but with low levels of replication markers and a low % of epithelioid cells, removal is curative in all the literature I read. If you are dealing with an unusually aggressive, symptomatic, or abnormal AML, get a biopsy ASAP and check the report for cells associated with eAML. If the pathology isn't clear, ask your doctor for clarification because you deserve to be informed and to open a discussion about appropriate treatment if necessary.
I've been on Reddit for years now; mostly for these small communities and the incredible depth of resources and support we can offer each other. If you have or suspect eAML you are welcome to DM me, even if it's been a long time since I made this post - if reddit exists, I'll always be back at some point.
I got tired since I'm still recovering from surgery, but will add more links to sources soon. I am also happy to help find other sources and information on differential diagnosis as my time allows - being informed and asking better questions will help you have more productive discussions with your doctor. Take care <3
Original surgical pathology:
Final Pathologic Diagnosis: Left renal mass, Angiomyolipoma, present on black (deep) and orange (capsule) inked margins
Gross Description: designated left renal mass Specimen: Unoriented, somewhat ovoid portion of kidney
Weight: 65.2 grams Size: 7.4 x 4.6 x 3.6 cm Colors: Black: Deep resection margin Orange: Opposing, capsule surface
Findings: Sections reveal a circumscribed, slightly firm to focally soft, white-gray-red nodule, measuring 7.3 x 4.1 x 3.6cm, involving all slices, grossly abutting the black and orange-inked margins. There is a hemorrhagic foci, measuring 1 x 0.7 x 0.6 cm, in slices 6 to 7, 0.1 cm to the black-inked margin and 1.8 cm to the orange-inked margin.
Microscopic Description: Microscopic evaluation was performed. Final diagnosis was rendered based on gross and microscopic findings.
I'm sure the initial reporter checked my tumor and just found it boring, but the report lacked any specific details - I really needed to know more. I asked as nicely as I could for either more detail/clarification about the microscopic evaluation, and if that wasn't possible for information about sending my tumor to another lab; but my doctor did it for me! I didn't expect a whole second review but this had the details I needed to feel good about surgery being the end of this nonsense :) If my doctor ever reads this, you'll know exactly who I am. Thank you for your patience with me and saving half my kidney!
Pathology from the second lab:
Left renal mass, partial nephrectomy: Fat-poor angiomyolipoma (Perivascular Epithelioid Cell neoplasm, PEComa), 7.4 cm in greatest dimension
Note: Histologic sections show a neoplasm composed predominantly of spindle cells arranged in fascicles. There are scattered foci with polygonal ("epithelioid) cells, which represent--10% of the lesion volume. Tumor cells exhibit a moderate to abundant amount of granular eosinophilic to clear cytoplasm. Nuclei are oval and slightly irregular, with optically clear chromatin. Scattered multinucleate cells are present. Mitotic activity is low (<1 mitosis per 50 high-power fields). Pleomorphism, necrosis, and vascular invasion are not identified. Immunohistochemistry performed at the referring institution demonstrates that the lesion cells are positive for actin, caldesmon, SMMS, desmin (multifocal), HMB45 (multifocal), and MART1 (focal), whereas CD117, S100, and SOX10 are negative.

To start off, I have contacted my family after dealing with this for going on 7 years and asked them for help and they have been very helpful. I have 2 daughters (the youngest is his, nothing triggering in that situation if you are reading) and had been trying to get out of this situation by myself for over a year now. He is much older than I am and is a different race than I am (I am Black and he is White - it is relevant to the issue). In the beginning, he was very kind. He wanted to know how I was doing, how my day was, held the door open for me wherever we went, etc. My daughter and I moved in with him and I have been extremely vigilant there as I was abused myself as a child. He always treated her like his own. Before I found work, I took care of all of the house work and worked with my daughter in education before she started school. A year prior, I had a surgery and was told it was highly likely I would not have more children and he told me he couldn't have any; I ended up pregnant. During the pregnancy, I was having severe pains and would ask him to take me to the hospital. It was a pain in my chest like I was being stabbed with a pole to where I would be vomiting, laid out on the floor. These usually lasted for at least an hour or two and I'd had this issue during my first pregnancy, so I did not know if it was related to that or not. We live about 25 minutes away from everything in a rural area and during that hour or so of me practically begging him to take me to the hospital, he would just pace back and forth in front of the bathroom and complain about me needing to go to the hospital. After the pain subsided, I would feel completely wiped out in a cold sweat and would sometimes just crawl to the bed from the bathroom and pass out. With these pains becoming more frequent and me starting training at a new job where I worked from home, I was not able to keep up with some of the house work. At first, I tried to get him to just pick up after himself (dishes, laundry, the bathroom messes he'd leave). He would explain that he'd worked all his life and wasn't going to work any more and that I shouldn't have a problem cleaning. It was a problem; it kept piling up and he would try to get my daughter (3 at the time) to clean up these messes which I had a huge problem with. I grew up with a mother who was neglectful and abusive to the point that her custody was terminated per the state and we were placed into foster care. She would have me go into the bathroom and "clean" with no instructions on how, so I starting at 3-4 years old would just mix up whatever was under the sink into a bucket and clean with it. She would close me in because she didn't want to smell the chemicals. Many times, I was just locked in a room by myself screaming for her to come. I still don't know what she was doing during that time, I just remember screaming until my throat was sore and my head hurt from crying for her. We were not allowed to go outside at all. We were not allowed to call anyone or talk to anyone; she'd thrown away the phone book we had when she found me trying to find relatives' numbers and would throw it away every time it came by mail. When she found out I was telling my grandmother some of the things that happened in our home, she didn't let us see our grandmother again. My siblings and I were beaten nearly every day and she would leave us with other people so she could do what she wanted (she did not work) and they were often abusive in many ways. Foster care severely misdiagnosed me and I found through being reevaluated as an adult that I have PTSD. When I started living with him, I was in therapy still trying to understand some of the trauma I went through as a child and just let it go. One of the things that would hit my memories hard is not having a clean home; my mother refused to clean and left it all on me as a child. Having things pile up pretty much made me feel like I was in that bathroom again just trying to breathe. I explained this to him: that I had PTSD, what it was from, and how I was having difficulty with maintaining the home and asked him that if he didn't want to help, if I could hire someone to help just get things back to baseline so it could be manageable. That set him off and he started threatening to put me out if I ever tried to bring someone in to clean. I just wanted him to calm down because I was afraid of having nowhere to go with 2 kids (I was still pregnant) so I told him I would try my best but I was not sure I could maintain it if I didn't have help. In the meantime, I was still having these episodes of severe pain, working 5 days a week from 5:30 am to around 7pm, and having to feed everyone. He would complain that I would make dinner too late and I let him know he was welcome to cook and he started saying if he'd have to cook for himself that I could just get my things and leave. I was thinking of doing that, but my daughter was born on the eve of the pandemic and something inside of me was hoping the child would help him see things from my shoes and let me get help. But, it got worse. On top of what I was doing before, I was pumping, breastfeeding, changing, and was the only one waking up at night for my newborn. For a long time, he refused to change a diaper and would get me to while I was working. He did already know that if someone was seen where I was working that it was grounds for termination as I worked with sensitive information. Just before the pandemic in December, I took the kids on a trip to visit my grandmother who is out of state. We stayed for only 6 days and I sent pictures and calls to him every day, but since then I have not been able to see my family. Every time I make plans with him knowing, he will force me to cancel them saying that he would call the police and tell them I was trying to kidnap the children if I even tried to go. I tried bargaining with him and everything, but every time I've tried he's threatened me then tried to tell me that wasn't a threat. We have not been able to visit any family on my side since 2019. I got promoted in my job to a management position which took up more time - I was now working 6 to 7 days a week and longer hours - and the pain I had while pregnant did not subside this time. A few scans showed my gallbladder was inflamed and a further scab showed I had an ovarian cyst. My doctor recommended having the cyst removed first as if it was malignant, it could spread to my other ovary and prevent me from having more children. And this is where he began to flip his character and start belittling me. It was so sudden that I honestly didn't think about it because I was juggling so many things as well as was dealing with the pandemic and trying to keep my family safe. He began putting me down about my cyst saying things like, what did it matter if it ruptured; I wasn't going to have any more kids anyways. I tried talking with him about it and he made it clear that he didn't want more kids. I said that was fine, but saying that was hurtful because a woman's ovaries do more than just produce eggs and the cyst was painful. The cyst was removed and I was instructed not to lift anything over 15 pounds. The day after my surgery, he brought a truck load of groceries full of heavy items and told me to bring it in. I told him I could not and he screamed and yelled at me saying what good was I to him if I couldn't even do that. I tried explaining that I wasn't supposed to lift things that heavy and he brought up again that if I wouldn't do it, he would just put me out. So, I ended up carrying them in. He brought a whole sofa in the same week and gave the same threat that if I did not bring it in, he would put me out. So, I carried the sofa in with him. My gallbladder surgery came a little over a month after and it was the most painful I've ever been in while healing aside from having my children. My doctor insisted that if I had any further gallbladder pain to immediately go to the ER. I did and again, he complained about having to take me. So, I asked if he could call an ambulance or give me my cell so I could call and he refused saying he wasn't going to have an ambulance show up on his property. He ended up taking me after a few hours and it had not ruptured. The day of my surgery, the surgeon actually gave me pictures showing my gallbladder had been blocked by a large gallstone and had become filled with gallstones to the point where he said it was extremely close to bursting and becoming septic and that I was lucky that didn't happen. I was told again not to lift over 15 pounds. While I was healing, he bought an extremely heavy window AC unit that he wanted to put in. The day he brought it home, I asked if he could please get one of his brothers or his son to help him and he refused. I tried to argue that I could not lift something that heavy safely and he threatened me again with putting me out if I didn't do what he wanted. I told him he could not put me out for not wanting to move furniture and he brought up his one of his brothers was a police officer and he could get eviction papers right then. So, I helped - with great difficulty - get the unit into the home and into the window. During that year after the baby was born I'd been trying to get him to get a babysitter which I would pay for. He refused and after bringing it up a few times, he threatened me again saying if I ever tried to, he would put me out. My reasoning for this was that he needed a break, but he kept bringing up that I was trying to make him out to be a bad parent, which I never brought up. He began yelling at me more than he talked and things just kept going downhill. That Thanksgiving, my mother wanted to visit. She still denies everything that occured in my childhood, but I'd been trying to be a good daughter to her and introduce her to who I was with. Plus, I still wanted the girls to know they had family. That week, I had time off so I thoroughly cleaned the entire house which literally took the whole week as he'd only helped do the dishes or vacuum about 5 times in the last 2 years. The only thing left was a few loads of laundry which I put in our bedroom on a chair and asked him to make sure that my mother did not go in there because he had a very large safe about 6 feet tall and a few feet wide, and my mother is sadly someone who is only interested in money and because she is extremely critical on me still. When she arrived, he let her go straight to the room and she immediately asked about the safe: what was in it, did I have anything in it, did I have the code, is it mine or his, etc. I told her that was not her business and she got upset and picked at me not finishing thr laundry. She did something she never did for me as a child and put away the clothes. After a week - she kept bringing up reasons to leave later - she finally left, but not after phishing him for as much information as she could like what his property was worth, if I was working, if I was cooking for him, if he liked what I cooked (she never taught me to cook, my grandmother did after I was 19), etc. I didn't think much on it, but I should have. The next year was me grinding trying to save for my own vehicle which he disapproved of and kept trying to tell me that I would fail to get my license and just dealing with him screaming at me at home. I didn't know back then that my seizures were stress related, but with the stress at work growing and the stress at home as soon as I logged out of the computer, I had a seizure. I didn't tell him and he didn't notice because I have silent seizures and he just got mad and accused me of trying to ignore him. It started occurring more often and the next January, I had a big seizure which affected my vision and memory for a short time. I didn't understand what was going on at first and did not show up to work the next day. My manager called him to see what was wrong and I kept asking him to wait because I wasn't feeling well, but he literally shoved the phone onto my face and said here she is. I just told them I needed to go to the doctor and didn't know what was happening. This lasted for a few months and I started seeing a neurologist to analyze my seizures, but it took 3 months to get into anywhere and by the time I got in, my job let me go. This is something that since then he has constantly brought up and blamed me for, even though I have told him I cannot control when I have a seizure and how it will affect me. I got a job doing deliveries a few months later which he was not happy about and I noticed he kept trying to make me believe that things I remembered were wrong. He would have me going back through text messages and emails I sent him just to confirm that I remembered things correctly and whenever I confronted him about it, he would try and blame me for it talking about my hormones were out of wack and I needed to get them checked (which I did several times and everything was completely normal). Working on deliveries, I'd saved up enough to go visit my grandmother again and tried to bargain with him: he could visit his mother for Thanksgiving and I'd visit my grandmother for Christmas. He'd been seeing his own family several times a year and they were out of state as well. My grandma even offered to pay for half the trip to see us. But, when the time came and I let him know we were going to get tickets, he threatened me again and said the kids would see his mother instead. I reminded him that this was not at all what we agreed on and he tried to guilt me about it for the second year saying his mother could die at any day as she is a cancer survivor. I reminded him that he had been able to see his mother all throughout the year and I'd never once complained or tried to stop him. I told him my grandmother is much older than his mother, has holes in her heart leaking fluid, and that I would like to see her as well while she's still alive and let her see her great grandchildren. He refused and I was so heartbroken about not being able to see her that I told him I was not going to go to his mother's anymore because he was keeping me from seeing someone who has been just like a mother to me, better even, and that I would just ruin Christmas crying if we went to see his mother. He did not give me a date when he wanted to go, but the day he decided to, he left without telling me and told me early in the morning before 6 while I was half asleep, so I woke up wondering if he'd actually left or not. He did, and with the children. I was off that week from deliveries and it was the worst Christmas I've had in my life. The day prior to him leaving, my oldest wanted to talk about her biological father and why we weren't with him. I never kept from her who her bio father was and did not speak negatively about him. I just explained to her that he loved her, but he was not ready to be a dad yet and so I was there with her but that when she got older she could meet him if she wanted to. She asked me if her dad (my bf I'd been staying with) loved her even though he wasn't her real dad and I told her yes, because when you love someone things like that don't matter. It was very bad timing that he took both of the girls without telling me or I'd have asked him to wait because she was still processing this, and him taking her down there when she still had questions that he couldn't answer made her go into a crying fit. He called me yelling at me the next day asking why she thinks he doesn't love her and why I told her he doesn't. I tried to explain to him what we'd talked about and that she was likely referring to her bio dad, not him, but he wouldn't let me speak and kept saying I'd ruined Christmas because his mom had to console her. I kept telling him to hang up and go comfort her, but he continued yelling at me. By the time he was done, she'd fallen asleep. The day they got back just after New Year's, he let me know that our youngest had a bad fever and was wondering if he should take her to the hospital and I told him yes, take her immediately. He didn't tell me he was returning home instead and was ignoring my calls. I'd been rear ended to the point it totaled my car - I was at a standstill and the driver was full speed - and was calling to let him know as well as to see if she was okay. He'd been tracking my vehicle with access to the app I gave him for emergencies such as me getting into an accident or being stuck somewhere and accusing me of seeing other people at every delivery I made. He didn't answer and I was panicking, so I called his mother and asked if everything was okay with the baby. She asked why I didn't just call him and I told her he wasn't answering my phone calls and the last thing he'd said was that he was going to the hospital and my car was just wrecked. She let me know he didn't go to a hospital and was coming straight home, which baffled me. Looking back, he probably thought he was going to find me with someone else. I came home at the end of the day to him and the kids already home and told him about the vehicle. He tried blaming me for the accident saying he always knew I'd mess the vehicle up and that I shouldn't have gotten it in the first place. I told him I'd been hit from behind and he said it was probably my fault and laughed about it. He went on to tell me in detail about their visit and a conversation he had with his sister and mother where he accused me of cheating on him and when they asked why I didn't come, he told them he didn't know why and they said there's something wrong with a person who doesn't want to spend Christmas with their family. Then he laughed about it in front of me and I just said I was done. My heart literally felt broken. I told him I couldn't believe he went down there and lied to his family when he knew exactly what I said about not going and that he would accuse me of seeing anyone when I had no time for even friends because of work, kids, and trying miserably to keep the house clean behind an adult and 2 kids. He said he didn't agree to breaking up and I told him that he didn't have to agree because we were not married so it was not a 2 party decision that needed to be made. He got mad and told me that I could just leave and I said that was fine, so I went to get my things then he said that if I left and tried to take the kids, he'd call the police. I said that was fine. Then, be brought up that he would take me to court and make sure I couldn't have the kids, even if they had to go to foster care. And that struck a nerve in me because although I hadn't experienced the worst of foster care, I'd experienced enough horrors in it to never wish that on anyone else. I asked him if he even knew what it was like and he tried to make it sound like they just put you to work somewhere, so I told him absolutely not, at least not for girls. He even brought up my race saying he was a white man and I was just a Black woman, so who would they believe more? He kept threatening it and I just put my things back. He's continued to make racial remarks about me and family of mine he's never met since then. He even made racial jokes to my youngest and made her laugh about it and I had to tell him it was not funny and it wasn't right to make her laugh at things like that. He'll say negative things about me then try to get her to laugh like it's okay to say it. After that, I'd started looking for apartments and around the end of February, he woke me up in the morning trying to have sex. I said no as clearly and as many times as I could, told him we were not in a relationship, and he did not listen. When he was done, it took everything in me to keep from crying and throwing up, so I was biting my lips the whole morning. Around lunch, he started laughing at me saying he didn't know why I was so mad since I'd finally gotten laid. I told him, I said no. Several times. I told him to go away several times. I asked him if that sounded like someone who wanted to have sex and he just shrugged his shoulders and said well. I went into a medical program after that to try and earn more to get my own place. It was a fast paced course which I was cramming for every day and every day he'd keep telling me, what are you reading so much for? It's not like you are going to pass it (the certification); you don't have the brains for that. Every day he would do this. I ended up passing the test with one of the highest scores the first time. He has been angry since then saying I should have just stayed with the delivery job. It's been a constant state of yelling and screaming at me as soon as I get in the house, while I'm at home, and trying to start arguments while I'm driving to work. He even called me at work yelling and screaming through the phone a few times and I had to block him from calling one night to get through a shift. I was researching online one day about it I can legally take the children to visit my family when I came across the circle with the different sections of abuse on them and I just broke down crying because I was so mad at myself for being in the same situation I was in as a kid. Something I told myself I wouldn't allow myself to go through again. After talking with a couple of members from my family about it, they both confirmed that my mother had been in continuous contact with him throughout the years to the point where my grandmother told her she needed to stay out of my relationship. I'd been wondering how he knew odd things and kept getting the details on it wrong and then I knew. He also kept bringing up that he should just put me out and have my mother come into his home instead, which I always thought was him trying to trigger me because he knows I don't trust her with my kids, but now I'm worried it has been something more. This year and last year, he has been saying negative things to the children about me to where he had my oldest crying because he actually told her my pee was broken and I can't pee right, so I'd have to go to the hospital. My oldest can remember things from when she was 3. She recalls how hard the surgeries were for me and was terrified they would have to cut me there to fix something. I had to calm her down and explain that I was okay and nothing was wrong. I had some urgency issues due to having the baby and sitting at my desk for hours holding it, but I didn't say that to her yet he already knew that and knew I no longer had that issue. He started calling me lazy, a bad mother, and trying to convince them that I didn't care about them whenever I went to work. Thankfully, my oldest told me or I'd have no idea. He has been trying to put my daughters against each other getting the youngest to hit her sister and then telling my oldest that she deserved it. He even fights me so that they won't sleep in their own room together; he wants the youngest to keep sleeping in the bed with him. He won't let me sleep in the spare room and whenever I try to sleep on the couch, he comes in and turns the TV up loud so that I cannot sleep. He's talked about having me pay rent while I'm here which I always agree to and ask him to please write out an agreement so I can sign it, but as soon as I bring up putting it on paper he says he'll never write it for me and that I'll just need to take his word. He gets social security checks for our youngest but refuses to let me use any of it and is constantly making me into a horrible person for receiving child support for my oldest and trying to tell me I make more than enough although I am at poverty level income. I cannot afford an apartment; he knows this and reminds me of it. Any time I try to pick up extra shifts at work to build my income, he screams and yells at me for not giving him notice. I work in nursing and have explained to him that they only give us at the most a 24 hour notice that shifts are available for the same day to pick up. Recently, he has been trying to get back money for everything he ever gave me as a gift claiming that I owed him and when I gave him the agreed amount, he doubled it and said I owed him more. When I tried to talk with him and tell him that the added amount was not what we agreed on, he just said he'd take me to court on it. So, I told him that this year I didn't care who he called, I am going to visit my family and the kids are coming with me. He keeps bringing up how he already has his lawyer on speed dial for if I ever try to leave and if I do try to get to my family during the reunion. I have emergency bags ready already in case he tries to stop us from going and am trying to connect with a lawyer when I get there because I already know he is never going to let us leave. I am planning on stopping by a police station before I leave to explain everything to them in case he tries to say I am kidnapping the kids, but we do not have a custody agreement and from who I've spoken with, in the state we live in I do not need his permission to take the children anywhere as we do not have a custody agreement. I am trying to make sure that legally, I have everything okay for myself and my children. We are trying to get to family in North Carolina and I have tried to call an office out there for a protective order, but they said unless it is emergent that I have to wait for 6 months after moving to the state to get one but I am trying to get one the day we arrive there. I do not know what constitutes an emergency order but if anyone does and if anyone knows of legal help in a situation like this in that state, I would greatly appreciate any help. We are not married; we discussed it several times before and each time he had a new reason not to: taxes, he'd have to pay for his medical, property tax rise, etc. In our state, there has to be a written document saying both parties agreed to a common law marriage and thankfully we did neither. My family and friends I've made at work know that we are not married, and some friends know the situation we are in. If anyone who has been in a similar situation can give me any help, and if anyone knows of any legal help I can get in North Carolina, I would truly appreciate it. I'm also wishing others on here safety, peace, and the best life. Very sorry this was so long. It is my first time getting everything out and it just ended up going on.