How to unblock calls

okay this is gonna be confusing because i’m a bad story teller but for the sake of the story im gonna give my ex a fake name Beck (16 m) and i’m 16 (girl)
this is a very big ramble so my apologies
now me and beck became friends in january 2024 and right off the bat i told him i was bisexual because some people had issues with it and if he was going to have an issue with it id rather it happen now and not when we were better friends but he said he didn’t have an issue with it and it never rly got brought again other then small comments/jokes like sometimes id say something about being bi and he’d say “but you don’t rly know if you’re bi because you’ve never been with either of them” and i’d be like “yeah i do like how do you know you like girls? it’s the same thing” and we would drop it. (this is important i promise lol)
(another thing i feel like i need to say is that im assigned female at birth, but recently ive started to wonder if im trans, and atp im pretty sure i am im just scared because of my parents and other reasons but just keep this in mind)
beck started dropping hints that he had a crush on me and even started telling my friends that he liked me. i tried to be pretty up front with the fact that i didn’t like him like that and he seemed to understand and it was never brought up for a few weeks and then in feb/march ish i started to develop a crush so i told him because i wanted to be up front about it and he said he did like me and we decided to go slow with it because it was just new and we started dating mid march (it was rly fast looking back at it)
looking back, beck had always been pretty standoffish about his sexuality, like he could joke about other people but no one was allowed to joke about his, because he was straight and he didn’t like it when people joked about it other wise, which was annoying because he was being hypocritical but i just wrote it off and ignored it because i thought i was being dramatic. now, around mid april i started realizing how uncomfortable it made me when beck would call me his girl and a woman and i realized i didn’t want to be his girlfriend but his boyfriend. i was scared to tell him because again he’d always been so adamant that he was straight and always seemed disgusted otherwise. i brought it up and he was just kind of quiet and said he’d love me anyway but then a few seconds later called me a girl again so i felt like he wasn’t really listening so i just tried to write it off again
a month ish goes by of me trying to explain my worries about us staying together with me being trans and how his parents would react and how he wouldn’t rly like it when i didn’t look like a girl anymore and he would always write it off and say it wasn’t a big deal and it would be okay. right before the two month mark of us dating i broke up with him because i just felt like we were too different and it just wouldn’t work with where the two of us were at right now because he wanted to have kids and get married and i really didn’t want that so i thought it would be best to end it before either of us got more involved in the relationship. beck pretty much obsessively texted me for around a week after i ended it and the majority of it was just him begging me to change my mind and saying he was sorry and he loved me and couldn’t live without me and that i was his only source of happiness. i’m not going to lie, i really could t take him seriously because we had been dating for barely 2 months, and only known each other for about 6 months. this behavior continues for days on end and he starts posting on socials about how he doesn’t care about anything and he starts vaping and skipping his classes which worries me because i don’t want anything to happen to him and it’s my fault he’s using so i was trying to fix it yk? all my friends said i was being stupid and needed to block him but i felt bad about it. i did eventually block him on some things, but i unblocked him because he asked me why i did it and i didn’t know what to say because i felt bad and thought i was being mean.
he also cried to anyone that would listen about how much he missed me and how he couldn’t eat or sleep. he called a few of my friends and just cried and would be upset if they didn’t answer him.
a few days go by and he’s kind of calm down on the begging and we kind of start to be friends again and he keeps asking me why i didn’t want to try and fight for our relationship because in his words “if i actually ever loved him i would’ve fought for him”
i tell him that it just wouldn’t work out because (among other reasons that are personal) i want to be a guy and that he’s straight and doesn’t like men and beck said “well it wouldn’t even be gay anyway” which was whatever i just kept reiterating that i want to be a guy and he said that he wanted me, as his gf or as his bf, that he didn’t care and that i wouldn’t even really be a guy anyways, that i would always be a girl. that stung, im not gonna lie, but whatever. i ended up asking him the if he was straight, because if he said yes i was going to say “you can’t be with me and be straight because i’m not a girl. i’d be your boyfriend you’d have a boyfriend. not a girl” but then he says “actually i’m bi”
yall. when i tell you my jaw dropped i mean my jaw DROPPED. i was like wtf you were literally ready to fight ppl over calling you gay as a joke.
i asked him if he actually was or if he was just telling me that because it was what i wanted to hear and he said no that he really was so i believed him because i didn’t have a reason not to and he asked if we could get back together and i said no, because of the transphobic things he had been saying and just the way he treated some of my friends bothered me, and he seemed upset and just said agin that if i really cared i would’ve tried to fix it and that i was only hurting myself and i said that i was fine and we have only spoken in short convo since then, which was like a week ago
i know none of this probably makes sense but i need someone to tell me if im being crazy and if i led him on and broke his heart for nothing because i feel rly bad. like maybe i should’ve ignored what i was feeling and let him be happy but then that wouldn’t have been fair to him because he deserves someone who loves him the way he loves and i can’t give him that
my friends and mom think that he is trying to manipulate me and lovebomb me but i don’t think that’s his intention
anyway thoughts are appreciated 😻
some notes in case my rambles didn’t make sense- i’m bisexual, basically everyone but my family knows because it wouldn’t be safe. to the general public, i’m a cis girl, but to my closest friends they know that im thinking about transitioning when it’s safe but i haven’t picked out a name or changed my pronouns yet, if that makes sense
as far as i know im the only one that beck has told he’s bisexual . actually he said during the last convo that he told me he had dated a boy before me but i cannot recall that convo at all?? which doesn’t mean anything but i feel like its worth noting
keep in mind we have only known each other since january and began dating mid march to mid may, so this all happened in the span of 5 ish months. very teenage angst i would think
(i didn’t really proofread so im sorry for bad grammar or mistakes )
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My ex-girlfriend and I were together for a year and a half, and I was her first everything. Two months ago, she broke up with me for the second time. The first breakup, she regretted it and we got back together the next day. Two weeks later, she broke up with me again. She used the “it’s not you, it’s me” line and told me I was a great boyfriend. She said she just felt like she couldn’t be in a relationship anymore, but she still wanted to be friends.
Looking back, I realize that she sometimes acted cold and distant when we went out, barely speaking to me. This was likely due to her having doubts about our relationship. She even brought up breaking up after minor arguments but never communicated her issues with me. She admitted she had problems with communication. This didn’t happen very often, but it did happen.
After the breakup, she said she wanted to be friends, but her slow responses to my messages confused me. This led me into a downward spiral where I drank heavily and begged her to come back and she rejected. We did see each other once during all this, most likely because she felt bad about how she went about the breakup. During our conversation, she said that she felt she made the right choice and felt relieved, saying she loves me but isn’t in love with me. Despite this, we ended up making out, which left me feeling confused.
Our last and final time we talked, we talked on the phone and it got bad because when she found out that I was drunk she hung up and I kept trying to call her back multiple times.(I know how bad that is and it’s inexcusable) She blocked me on everything saying she was sorry about having to block me and that maybe we could talk once I was sober. Three weeks after that, she unblocked me. I haven’t contacted her since because I’ve accepted that she doesn’t want to be with me anymore. I also sought help for my drinking problem and have been sober ever since. Also I’ve reflected on our relationship and maybe I wasn’t the boyfriend she said I was. Maybe it could’ve been better, who knows.

I don’t know where to start, this will be a long post. If you read through, thank you!
I first stopped speaking to my mother in 2019, I would now describe her as a covert narcissist but at the time I was just fed up with feeling like I was parenting an emotionally volatile teenager every time I spoke to her, every conversation ended in an argument and I was always to blame, always “breaking her heart”. I was an emotional (and on a few occasions as a teen, physical) punching bag and I just couldn’t take it anymore. For a few months her texts would switch between loving, heartbroken and scorned, getting meaner and meaner the longer I left them without a reply. She then started texting my boyfriend (now husband) to tell him how the no-contact was tearing her apart and giving him messages to pass on to me.
Fast forward, I fell pregnant at the end of 2021 and felt that she needed to hear the news from me. Less out of any actual desire to speak to her and more because I didn’t know what she would do if I let her hear it through the grapevine. I had read a couple of books about narcissistic parents by this point and set very clear boundaries for her. I would send her pregnancy updates and ultrasounds but I didn’t want unsolicited advice or constant phone calls and I was absolutely not prepared to hash out our “differences”. This was fine for a couple of months until is wasn’t and she stopped respecting my boundaries, called me non-stop until I answered and told me I was selfish if I didn’t want to talk. I pushed back and she told me to “have a nice life” and blocked me.
Our daughter was born 4 months later and at 4 days post-partum I got a text from her saying “I’m flying to name of my town on Friday, I don’t care if you don’t want to see me. You will show me my granddaughter through the window if you’re still not speaking to me”, I called her in hormonal hysterics while she was with friends and she answered the phone with this unnatural, sickly sweet voice and said “darling, you sound so upset what’s wrong? Do you have support at home?” It was like talking to a stranger, the thought of that phone call still sends a chill down my spine. My dad (they have been divorced for many years) eventually talked her out of the visit and she blocked me again.
This pattern has repeated itself multiple times over the past 2 years since my daughter was born, I set a boundary and she disregards it. I am selfish and she is heartbroken, she blocks me and I don’t hear anything for a couple of months. Then she begs me to unblock her so I can send pictures of her granddaughter. For clarity’s sake, I have never blocked her.
That brings us more or less to today. My family (husband, daughter, dog and I) will be moving overseas for work in about 2 months, this happened suddenly as is the nature of my husband’s job. We found out yesterday and my dad was the first person I told (we have a great relationship), he told his mom (my grandmother) and she told my mother. This morning I received multiple calls followed by a text from her telling me she’d like to have a “little chat”, reluctantly I worked up the courage to call her and she asked me straight away if we were moving overseas, I said yes. She told me “I will be coming to stay before you go” I told her that wouldn’t work, I have a lot on my plate preparing for the move and I would be lying if I said that a visit for her wouldn’t add more stress, she started to yell immediately asking “are you really so selfish that you can’t make time for your own mother?” I asked her to calm down and she said “now you’ve fucking done it, that’s it we’re done” and hung up, the whole call was less than two minutes and I hardly got a word in.
I couldn’t help it, I sat and cried for a while. As much distance as I have tried to put between us, hearing my mother speak to me that way still triggers this feeling inside of me and I revert back to this little child hiding in the corner of my room from my mom’s big feelings. I called her back and asked if we could talk calmly, my exact words were “I think your emotions are controlling you right now and I don’t want to leave things like that” unfortunately, she did not stay calm. She told me her heart was broken for me because one day my daughter would cut me off too and I’ll have regrets about the way I’ve treated my own mother, she said I am a my father’s surname through and through, that I’ve always been a selfish bitch who never thinks about anyone else’s feelings, she then told me to have a nice life (again) and that she never wants to speak to me again. She hung up after that.
I guess I just don’t know where to go from here. I feel sick and anxious and I’m not completely convinced that she won’t just turn up to my house anyway. The words “no-contact” sound so clear cut and linear but I feel like my journey has been anything but. Sometimes I think she’s right and I really am selfish for wanting distance, but accomodating her feelings constantly and mentally preparing for her next emotional tirade every few months is also affecting my ability to be present and healthy in my relationships with my own family.
I should mention that she has made no effort to take accountability for our relationship breakdown in the past 5 years. She will ask if I’m “over it yet” or resort to a disingenuous “fine, I was a terrible mother and I never did anything right” type of apology, she also laughed at me when I asked her to seek therapy if she wants any kind of real relationship in the future.
If you’ve read this far and you’re comfortable sharing, please tell me how you cope with the turbulence of no-contact or with emotionally immature parents in general. I would be so grateful to just know that I’m not alone in this.

(thank you for reading all this if you do, and i’m sorry for the bad punctuation and grammar. And the fact that it’s so long)
dnd: do not disturb
I’m typing this on the verge of tears but i can’t do it anymore. Me and my gf have been dating for a year and a half. But we’ve been getting into arguments again and again for around a couple of months now. Mostly over her treatment towards me. Her lack of consideration for my feelings, the fact she never texts or updates me when i ask to, her never being there when i need her, her intentionally ignoring my messages and calls, or her just forgetting about me the entire day.
All she does is go to sleep and go home, she doesn’t work, she doesn’t have any friends she hangs out with, she’s literally glued to her phone at all times, has notifications on for all her apps, and never (until recently) started using dnd. So i ask her to do simple things and like “text me when you get home” or “send me the pics and vids you post on your story”, i for some reason have to bend over ass backwards to justify myself and i’m tired of it
Earlier today (the situation that prompted this post) I ask her on insta (after numerous attempts to even get in contact with her) to unblock me on imessage, since we were taking a break for a bit and blocked each other on there. Now i deleted insta a while back for a different reason, and specifically downloaded it back just to talk to her about this. So when i do ask, she asks me why.
Now with my gf, i have to go through 20 hoops to explain why her saying “i love you” first is different than me saying, and that she should tell me it first.
Now me, knowing from past experiences about me trying to justify things, tells her that i don’t want to argue and that it would take more time for her to argue her “point” than unblock me, so she should save us both the pain and just do it. After i say that, she says “no, you didn’t explain why”. So then i tell her “it’s so i can you if i need to” and she goes “what would you need to call me for”. Which absolutely baffles me because i’ve been struggling alot with different things lately and she knows this fact along with the fact that she is the only person i can actually rely on.
After that i text her more about it and we go on another tangent about how she’s started using dnd and doesn’t have me excluded from it, knowing how hard it is for me to get her attention in the first place.
The convo about unblocking me picks up about 3 HOURS LATER, where i ask her to do it again and she goes “you can call and text me on here” (referring to insta) and “why? what difference does it make”. I then remind her that i don’t even want insta on my phone and that the only reason i downloaded it back was to speak to her on this situation (and because the only app i can get her attention on is insta). Guess what she says! NOTHING! she leaves me on seen after my explanation and i try to get her attention for an hour after that (since remember, she didn’t exclude me from dnd)
She finally responds later saying “Drop it, imma unblock you”. The problem with this is that she always tell me to “drop it” whenever we’re in a situation where she did something wrong or didn’t do something right, and i’m confronting her about it for a long period of time, she begrudgingly does what she should’ve done, then tells me to “drop it”. Which i don’t even understand why she says in the first place if she’s the one who keeps starting this in the first place, and never actively listens to me or tries to change her behavior in any meaningful way.
I tell her that “You constantly ignore me and leave me on seen for an hour and keep me waiting all night, and exclude me from dnd, when i already have to bend ass backwards to get your attention in the first place, so stop telling me to drop it”
After that she says “You were talking about me unblocking you and i did it so we have no reason to still be talking about it, that’s why i said drop it” which just sets me off into talking about how i asked her 20 million times to do it even tho it should’ve been just once or twice and how it should’ve been 1 minute instead of 12 hours.
She then responds to me by saying “it just made no sense, why would i do something if it doesn’t make sense”. Which prompts me to explain my reasoning again to her for the third time. That it was simply just a personal issue that made me want to delete the app, and that i wanted her to unblock me on imessage, so i could contact her there. Now she uses the “it’s personal” card all the time with me when she doesn’t want to explain something, so i use that phrase to speak to her in a way she could hopefully understand!
But nope, she started asking me why, and i told her it doesn’t matter why, and that the reason i gave was enough, along with the fact i wouldn’t be able to contact her without it.
After i told her it was a personal reason and asked if my reason was logical enough, she said “Not really cuz if it’s a personal reason it’s cuz it’s about a person so you can block them or do whatever” I then tell her that i didn’t want her advice on how i deal with things and that she should’ve done what i asked when i gave her my reason and asked her nicely 12 hours ago at that point.
She then begins to say in response “it’s whatever now, you’re unblocked, so you can delete insta now”. I begin to tell her how i shouldn’t have to do all this but then she goes “i said it’s whatever now, delete insta, see you” and that’s the end of it.
I don’t understand why she’s like this. This is just one of a fuck ton of situations where she acts like this and it makes me feel like crying.
Please enlighten me on what to do for next time, and if you have any questions i’ll gladly respond.
TL;DR: My gf keeps being inconsiderate and stubborn towards me asking for things i’m allowed to reasonably ask for

(thank you for reading all this if you do, and i’m sorry it’s so long)
dnd: do not disturb
I’m typing this on the verge of tears but i can’t do it anymore. Me and my gf have been getting into arguments for around a couple of months now, mostly over her treatment towards me. Her lack of consideration for my feelings, the fact she never texts or updates me when i ask to, her never being there when i need her, her intentionally ignoring my messages and calls, or her just forgetting about me the entire day.
All she does is go to sleep and go home, she doesn’t work, she doesn’t have any friends she hangs out with, she’s literally glued to her phone at all times, has notifications on for all her apps, and never (until recently) started using dnd. So i ask her to do simple things and like “text me when you get home” or “send me the pics and vids you post on your story”, i for some reason have to bend over ass backwards to justify myself and i’m tired of it
Earlier today (the situation that prompted this post) I ask her on insta (after numerous attempts to even get in contact with her) to unblock me on imessage, since we were taking a break for a bit and blocked each other on there. Now i deleted insta a while back for a different reason, and specifically downloaded it back just to talk to her about this. So when i do ask, she asks me why.
Now with my gf, i have to go through 20 hoops to explain why her saying “i love you” first is different than me saying, and that she should tell me it first.
Now me, knowing from past experiences about me trying to justify things, tells her that i don’t want to argue and that it would take more time for her to argue her “point” than unblock me, so she should save us both the pain and just do it. After i say that, she says “no, you didn’t explain why”. So then i tell her “it’s so i can you if i need to” and she goes “what would you need to call me for”. Which absolutely baffles me because i’ve been struggling alot with different things lately and she knows this fact along with the fact that she is the only person i can actually rely on.
After that i text her more about it and we go on another tangent about how she’s started using dnd and doesn’t have me excluded from it, knowing how hard it is for me to get her attention in the first place.
The convo about unblocking me picks up about 3 HOURS LATER, where i ask her to do it again and she goes “you can call and text me on here” (referring to insta) and “why? what difference does it make”. I then remind her that i don’t even want insta on my phone and that the only reason i downloaded it back was to speak to her on this situation (and because the only app i can get her attention on is insta). Guess what she says! NOTHING! she leaves me on seen after my explanation and i try to get her attention for an hour after that (since remember, she didn’t exclude me from dnd)
She finally responds later saying “Drop it, imma unblock you”. The problem with this is that she always tell me to “drop it” whenever we’re in a situation where she did something wrong or didn’t do something right, and i’m confronting her about it for a long period of time, she begrudgingly does what she should’ve done, then tells me to “drop it”. Which i don’t even understand why she says in the first place if she’s the one who keeps starting this in the first place, and never actively listens to me or tries to change her behavior in any meaningful way.
I tell her that “You constantly ignore me and leave me on seen for an hour and keep me waiting all night, and exclude me from dnd, when i already have to bend ass backwards to get your attention in the first place, so stop telling me to drop it”
After that she says “You were talking about me unblocking you and i did it so we have no reason to still be talking about it, that’s why i said drop it” which just sets me off into talking about how i asked her 20 million times to do it even tho it should’ve been just once or twice and how it should’ve been 1 minute instead of 12 hours.
She then responds to me by saying “it just made no sense, why would i do something if it doesn’t make sense”. Which prompts me to explain my reasoning again to her for the third time. That it was simply just a personal issue that made me want to delete the app, and that i wanted her to unblock me on imessage, so i could contact her there. Now she uses the “it’s personal” card all the time with me when she doesn’t want to explain something, so i use that phrase to speak to her in a way she could hopefully understand!
But nope, she started asking me why, and i told her it doesn’t matter why, and that the reason i gave was enough, along with the fact i wouldn’t be able to contact her without it.
After i told her it was a personal reason and asked if my reason was logical enough, she said “Not really cuz if it’s a personal reason it’s cuz it’s about a person so you can block them or do whatever” I then tell her that i didn’t want her advice on how i deal with things and that she should’ve done what i asked when i gave her my reason and asked her nicely 12 hours ago at that point.
She then begins to say in response “it’s whatever now, you’re unblocked, so you can delete insta now”. I begin to tell her how i shouldn’t have to do all this but then she goes “i said it’s whatever now, delete insta, see you” and that’s the end of it.
I don’t understand why she’s like this. This is just one of a fuck ton of situations where she acts like this and it makes me feel like crying.
Please enlighten me on what to do for next time, and if you have any questions i’ll gladly respond.
TL;DR: My gf keeps being inconsiderate and stubborn towards me asking for things i’m allowed to reasonably ask for

(thank you for reading all this if you do, and i’m sorry it’s so long)
dnd: do not disturb
I’m typing this on the verge of tears but i can’t do it anymore. Me and my gf have been getting into arguments for around a couple of months now, mostly over her treatment towards me. Her lack of consideration for my feelings, the fact she never texts or updates me when i ask to, her never being there when i need her, her intentionally ignoring my messages and calls, or her just forgetting about me the entire day.
All she does is go to sleep and go home, she doesn’t work, she doesn’t have any friends she hangs out with, she’s literally glued to her phone at all times, has notifications on for all her apps, and never (until recently) started using dnd. So i ask her to do simple things and like “text me when you get home” or “send me the pics and vids you post on your story”, i for some reason have to bend over ass backwards to justify myself and i’m tired of it
Earlier today (the situation that prompted this post) I ask her on insta (after numerous attempts to even get in contact with her) to unblock me on imessage, since we were taking a break for a bit and blocked each other on there. Now i deleted insta a while back for a different reason, and specifically downloaded it back just to talk to her about this. So when i do ask, she asks me why.
Now with my gf, i have to go through 20 hoops to explain why her saying “i love you” first is different than me saying, and that she should tell me it first.
Now me, knowing from past experiences about me trying to justify things, tells her that i don’t want to argue and that it would take more time for her to argue her “point” than unblock me, so she should save us both the pain and just do it. After i say that, she says “no, you didn’t explain why”. So then i tell her “it’s so i can you if i need to” and she goes “what would you need to call me for”. Which absolutely baffles me because i’ve been struggling alot with different things lately and she knows this fact along with the fact that she is the only person i can actually rely on.
After that i text her more about it and we go on another tangent about how she’s started using dnd and doesn’t have me excluded from it, knowing how hard it is for me to get her attention in the first place.
The convo about unblocking me picks up about 3 HOURS LATER, where i ask her to do it again and she goes “you can call and text me on here” (referring to insta) and “why? what difference does it make”. I then remind her that i don’t even want insta on my phone and that the only reason i downloaded it back was to speak to her on this situation (and because the only app i can get her attention on is insta). Guess what she says! NOTHING! she leaves me on seen after my explanation and i try to get her attention for an hour after that (since remember, she didn’t exclude me from dnd)
She finally responds later saying “Drop it, imma unblock you”. The problem with this is that she always tell me to “drop it” whenever we’re in a situation where she did something wrong or didn’t do something right, and i’m confronting her about it for a long period of time, she begrudgingly does what she should’ve done, then tells me to “drop it”. Which i don’t even understand why she says in the first place if she’s the one who keeps starting this in the first place, and never actively listens to me or tries to change her behavior in any meaningful way.
I tell her that “You constantly ignore me and leave me on seen for an hour and keep me waiting all night, and exclude me from dnd, when i already have to bend ass backwards to get your attention in the first place, so stop telling me to drop it”
After that she says “You were talking about me unblocking you and i did it so we have no reason to still be talking about it, that’s why i said drop it” which just sets me off into talking about how i asked her 20 million times to do it even tho it should’ve been just once or twice and how it should’ve been 1 minute instead of 12 hours.
She then responds to me by saying “it just made no sense, why would i do something if it doesn’t make sense”. Which prompts me to explain my reasoning again to her for the third time. That it was simply just a personal issue that made me want to delete the app, and that i wanted her to unblock me on imessage, so i could contact her there. Now she uses the “it’s personal” card all the time with me when she doesn’t want to explain something, so i use that phrase to speak to her in a way she could hopefully understand!
But nope, she started asking me why, and i told her it doesn’t matter why, and that the reason i gave was enough, along with the fact i wouldn’t be able to contact her without it.
After i told her it was a personal reason and asked if my reason was logical enough, she said “Not really cuz if it’s a personal reason it’s cuz it’s about a person so you can block them or do whatever” I then tell her that i didn’t want her advice on how i deal with things and that she should’ve done what i asked when i gave her my reason and asked her nicely 12 hours ago at that point.
She then begins to say in response “it’s whatever now, you’re unblocked, so you can delete insta now”. I begin to tell her how i shouldn’t have to do all this but then she goes “i said it’s whatever now, delete insta, see you” and that’s the end of it.
I don’t understand why she’s like this. This is just one of a fuck ton of situations where she acts like this and it makes me feel like crying.
Please enlighten me on what to do for next time, and if you have any questions i’ll gladly respond.
TL;DR: My gf keeps being inconsiderate and stubborn towards me asking for things i’m allowed to reasonably ask for

Hi! I tried writing it all out, but it was too long so I am going to try to keep bulletpoints and keep a timeline.
Junior year, 15 years old:

• Did not have friends til this point, met this one guy in class though
• first relationship, first kiss, first everything until one month later when he left me for someone else (also cheated on me)
• anxiety latched onto losing him, kept sending messages trying to get him back for two months until it was no contact for 4 months, he knows that i struggled with losing him though heavily
• I notice people he knows keeping tabs on me, I didnt realize until I sent him a message asking to get back together and one of them starts laughing at me + i think one of them took a photo in class but not sure, just suspicion

Senior Year, 16 years old;

• Our classes are close so we see each other again
• he tried to message me before the year started though but went silent afterwards and backed out
• I offered to be friends with benefits, he agreed, the first night he wanted a BJ so I did a little bit but didn't want to do anymore
• he locked in his car until I agreed to date him again
• broke up the next day with him because the anxiety of worrying if he was cheating was too much
• tried to get him back the same night, it was the last time I was emotionally intimate with anyone like that as I confessed how I missed him, how it was hard moving on, etc. and he agreed to get back together
• we hooked up and he ghosted me (hard block and everything)

Still Senior year but here is where the cycle starts

• he unblocks me and tries to get another hookup, i say no, he begs and I give in, it was just a hookup
• He does this again, begs for sex, I say no but give in
• at this point, my anxiety is kicking in hard, i block his accounts and he makes more to get to me anyways, it just becomes a chore to give in
• He calls up my phone at 3 am repeatedly, I say no but he threatens to make a scene, I give in, he is drunk and I am starting on antidepressants so I am nauseas, when I can't give him a BJ, he gets mad and berates me saying that he found "badder bitches" and telling me everything wrong with me
• When I tried to leave, he just said "leave like you always do" and I always wondered if it was his revenge for leaving the first night
• Cycle continues, I get anxiety seeing his name on the phone (like instant nausea and disassociation with my body)
• one time he threatens to knock my door down when i stood my ground and talked about reporting, saying he didn't care, deleted everything when I started taking screenshots, he just came back again the next day
• I keep going back though, mainly because he gave me validation and attention and it felt like he was the only person that saw me (at this point, no relatable friends and no family support system, he was the only person who shared my experiences)

Post Graduation 2023

• I moved to another side of town, all my friends left the state or just went silent, had to leave my job, i went to him for comfort for the first time because he was the only person I knew so i started embracing him
• we still had moments where I didn't want to but he did so I felt like I had to
• I tried dating but each time, I couldn't trust them; i was so afraid that they just wanted my body that I started treating it like that, which ended in only one night stands
• Met this new guy D that was his opposite in november, changed my usernames, we went on for three months until he left me because I had too much intimacy issues (emotional mainly) and didn't let him past my walls, so i tried to go back to the first guy
• first guy moved to cali, admitted to wanting to reach out to me (pretty sure he tried but couldn't find me anymore), we relied on communication and he would be pressing on for photos and video calls, one time he said that it'll be better next time because this time we will both want it this time, not just him
• until we had a conversation on how he really saw me
• I romantized it all as a complicated relationship, to a friendship, and I think that was just to protect myself from the truth because he admitted that he only cared about the sex with me, never beyond that. I asked if he ever felt guilty and he just said that he didnt, we were young and we didn't understand anything
• I ended it and he tried to make another account, I accepted but he didn't say anything. I think its either because there really isnt any use since he is in another state, but also maybe to see if I would take him back still.

I am still processing it. I left it behind in March. I am not sure what to make of it. Calling him an abuser feels so dirty, like I am shitting on everything that happened and every tiny detail that mattered to me. I am just confused. Some times it feels like it fits and he is a bad guy but other times, like now, I feel like I am just overreacting and it really was just us being young, which feels wierd cause half of it was barely a year ago. I don't know . I am just confused and would love insight from others.

Basically, I was introduced to this guy by my closest childhood friend. We've started talking for some time and at the start, everything seemed to go swimmingly well. Conversations flowed smoothly and it was dreamlike. There seemed to be some tension there: Staring into each other eyes, the whole world got quiet, etc. The friendship was initiated by the guy and he started texting me a lot and he would call me for hours on end. After only around a week of knowing me, he started pestering me for my phone number and he was extremely persistent. I ended up giving it to him. He started texting me every single day, morning till night, no matter whether if I replied or not. He would send me updates about his life like his outfit, etc. He decided to introduce me to his close friend and that went...well. In short, it was a call with his friends and the girl, who seemed obsessed with the guy as he kept putting me down and comparing herself to me in terms of closeness to the said guy.
He started asking about me at school, like he would ask my childhood best friend about how I was, if I was okay, how I was and all those sorts of stuff. Allegedly, my childhood best friend, let's call him M, always sounded really enthusiastic when he was talking about me. "His voice softens." He initiated everything, as I was not really interested. He would always beg me to call and I ended up giving in. We started having all these late night conversations about any topic that we were into. During these calls, he would always be a little flirtatious. He would always look at me really intimately, as if I was his world. He would say things like, "I like to see your face, stop hiding your beauty." "Oh my gosh, I love talking to you. You're so enchanting." He would always be flirting about how he would be a great boyfriend and constantly asked what my type of guys was. He even had the audacity to question why I was not into him. He did many other things to seem like he genuinely cared for me. For example, he had several lessons in a day. Yes, he's a rather busy lad. However, he would always make time for me and to reply to me, even if it was a text to inform me that he was busy and not purposely ignoring me. He knew that I had trust issues, so he would even send a picture that he was busy to prove that he wasn't purposely avoiding me. Every single time he and I were online on Whatsapp, he would always text me to ensure me that he wasn't ignoring me. Lastly, he is an extremely religious guy, and he never listened to music because of that. However, ever since he met me, he started to listen to the music that I liked and replied to it in detail. He never liked texting, but he would talk to me on Whatsapp all of the time. This is extremely untypical of him, as he is an unemotional guy. In addition to that, the effort put into that should mean something?
The guy kept trying to meet me in person. Since I have extreme trust issues, I didn't want to do that. He was a guy that I met online, and I had let's just say, unpleasant experiences with guys. This was after six months of knowing me. I told him to leave and that he was creep and a pervert due to my personal defense mechanism. He then left me alone and didn't talk to me for a full day. We then talked about it and I told him that I didn't want to talk about why as it was really personal to me. He said that it was fine and I could just tell him when I felt like it.
We were fine after this for another 7 - 8 months. He just really wanted to know and that he wanted me to be honest with him. I kept yelling at him and starting unnecessary fights due to that. Childish, I know. I regret that now, but that's just what I felt and acted upon at that point of time. After all of that, he left and refused to talk to me forever.
I tried to explain to him but he just pushed me away and said that it was fine. I know, I got a taste of my own medicine. He seemed really hurt about the fact that I called him a creep and a pervert and I kept saying that I cared about him when I wasn't willing to be honest with him about why I said those hurtful words in the first place. I tried everything from calling him, to sending him texts, whether it was messages to check up on him or paragraphs explaining and apologising for treating him like garbage. What was even more inhuman of me was that I deliberately called him a creep and a pervert due to me knowing that it was something that would shake him up as it was something that he was called before by many others.
I was about to leave him and the situation alone when he started picking up my calls. He would pick them up and he would say nothing and just leave the call running. I don't know why he did that, and that confuses me thoroughly. When he unblocked me on Whatsapp, he asked me deliberately for something sexual which I am not going to specify due to privacy reasons. He knew that due to my history with guys, that has left long lasting emotional scares.
I regret everything. I realized that I love him deeply. What should I do? He blocked me everywhere and he won't pick up my phone. I'm thinking about showing up at his house. The whole point is not to get him back, but to explain myself. To truly apologise for hurting him. I want to know how he truly feels. Whether he loved me before, still loves me or if it was a whole joke. I sincerely regret my actions, and I want to make up for them. The what if's are burning freshly into my wounds, and I would really appreciate to know the answers.

I posted this in a different sub I thought I would share here as well
Edit: in the Title it is Taking not talking
Throw away the account.
I (26F) & my Brother (34M) Let's call him Ben have always had somewhat of a rocky relationship because I believe he is entitled & a narcissist. He had issues with Substance abuse & would steal & pawn everything that he would get his hands on.
When I was 22 Ben called me & asked for a favor. He wanted me to help him sign for a car. I have always been a people pleaser & since at the time he seemed to be getting better & more responsible I agreed to be the Co-Signer for the car. His payment ended up being $260 every month. The only catch was I would be the only signer meaning the car would be just under my name. Ben looked at me very excitedly & told me that this would make the payments more manageable. I ended up agreeing thinking that he was turning his life around & because he promised that he would refinance the car under his name in 6 months.
The problems started 3 months into Ben having the car. In the first 2 months, he gave the payments on time but on the 3rd month, the payment bounced from his account. Ben proceeded to tell me that he didn't know why it bounced & showed me a screenshot of money being in the account. His continued to happen for the next 4 months until I Ended up just paying it out of my account. after we hit the 6-month mark I told him I was giving him to figure things out I asked him when he would go refinance the care under his name. Ben Told me he wasn't ready & that he needed more time. I told him that he had promised & I had told him the reason that I needed the car out of my name. He Got upset & the conversation quickly turned into a screaming match before he hung up on me.
Within the 1st year, he Missed 6 car payments after I begged him for the money. He started paying me again but only the monthly car payment there were a couple of times he would give me extra to pay me what he owed. Everything was going smoothly Until He started to miss payments again. He owed me almost $2k when I told him to let me file his taxes he was behind on so that He could get some money back. I told him that it would be going into my account to pay for what he owed me & pay off most of the car. He ended up getting a couple of grand. When the Money was deposited I took what he owed me & gave a big chunk to the car. When I let Him know He was Irrate & upset with what I did because he "Needed the Money" I told him he had agreed to it when We filed but he said that didn't matter. I gave the State Return to him plus an extra Stimulus that he had received. After paying off most of the car. He was still missing payments here & there but it didn't affect me as much because he was paid up for 7 months.
Everything was fine Until Last July the last time he gave me a car payment. Ben would come up with excuses about why he couldn't give me the car payment. I paid the car off & I still haven't gotten anything from him. Ben Told me I was just waiting for a Tax check in the mail that has been supposedly coming but it's been almost 2 months & nothing yet. Everything hit the fan about 2 weeks ago.
Ben called my husband & me to Buy him oil because the car broke down. I told him I couldn't take him & to ask our Younger brother to take him to buy the oil. My younger brother told me that he ended up paying for the oil because Ben had no money. Ben left the car on the side of the road for 5 days. I did not know that the car was on the side of the road 5 blocks from my house because it wouldn't start until I texted him to ask him when the check would be arriving.
When I asked for the Where's My Refund screenshot he got upset & told me He wasn't going to give me all the money because he needed to fix the car. Ben told me I only cared about myself & he hadn't been working. I'm already done with the BS & I wanted everything to be over. I told him that it had been almost a year since he had paid me anything for the car & I wanted the car out of my name or I was taking it back. Ben called my bluff & told me where the Keys were. I decided to Grow a backbone & I went for the car keys that were at our sister's house. I talked to my parents to make sure they had my back. That’s when my mom told Ben was using again. That further solidified my decision. With the help of my in-laws, we towed the car to my house & everything was fine for about 3 days
After 3 days Ben went to my sister's house to get his keys & that’s when he realized that I had kept my word & took the car back. He. Went. Off. On. EVERYONE. He called my sister a Bitch & told her never to speak to him again. He went over to my parent's house to get the key & went off on my dad for being on my side. Ben told my dad to shove the car up his ass. My mom confronted him about using it again & he said some things to my mom as well & stormed off with the Car key. Ben called me yelling at me about how much of a bitch I was & that we never gave a shit about him. He demanded I give him $9k for the car & when I refused he told me He would see me in court. When I asked him for the key back to told me to send my dad for it. I told him I was not involving my dad in our issues & he told me that was too bad because he already did & he blocked me. I called my Younger brother crying asking if he could go pick up the key & I told him everything that was going on. My younger brother was upset & texted Ben telling him he was picking up the key. Ben unblocked me & started texting me Saying I didn’t have to act the way I was acting & that he told me that he was going to give me half of the tax money to pay for some of what he owes me. He told me I was “fucked up” for taking what little he has left & only caring about money. Ben continued to demand $9k for the car & when I told him no & I was Keeping the car he told me “Talk to Dad & he will tell you.” He called my dad yelling & crying about how we never cared about him, How we were taking what he had left, & that he was going to go to NC with the family. Ben told my dad that I never told him how much he owed me When I stated it 4 separate times in the messages. My parents have tried to give me the money he owes me to keep the peace but I refused to take it because it's not their mess to clean up.
I Feel like the asshole because this has started arguments between me & my husband & as well as my parents & me. I hate being a Bitch & mean. It makes me feel sick & it drains me completely. My dad also has health issues, & the stress is making him sick. I’m on the verge of giving in just so I can Save my dad some head & heartache. I love my parents & everything they do for me but I'm just so sick of watching them help Ben out of every situation.
TLDR: My brother owes me money for a car and he is upset that I took the car back.

Recently, a couple of weeks ago the woman I’ve been seeing (Emily 22F) kept pressing the issue on knowing more about my commitment issues and why I was not ready to make things official.
For some context in the past I have been cheated on, used as a rebound without my knowledge and used for my money. I will call this previous girlfriend Nikki (24F).
She messed me up for a while, it’s been 4 years since we broke up and it still hurts to think about, so I avoid it entirely. I haven’t been able to be serious about another women since.
I met Emily 11 months ago and at first this was purely sexual however we have a lot in common and get along very well, we have been going on dates, spending almost every day together and falling asleep on the phone with one another. We have spent so much time together she started to think we were dating and I had to let her know that this was still purely a FWB relationship.
I like her but I am not ready to enter the dating stage yet. She got really upset, cried and we didn’t talk for a couple of days. I did everything I could to get her back into my life again so that everything could go back to normal. When we had a chance to talk I let her know that I’ve been hurt before and that now I struggle with commitment issues. I didn’t go too deep but she said she understood and we agreed to take things slow.
The problem comes in when she asked me about Nikki and if she was the reason I had commitment issues. I panicked when I heard my exes name and I was really upset that she would look into my past without my permission. We have mutual friends so I know she had to ask around. I let her know how violated I felt and that not only was that wrong for her to look into but it was borderline stalker behavior. Long story short, after I left her place I blocked her number, and gave her the silent treatment for a couple of days.
When I was ready to talk to her again and unblocked her she’s now blocked me, on all platforms and completely gives me the cold shoulder. It’s been about a week and a half now and she can’t even look at me when we cross paths. I feel nauseated and scared because I don’t want to lose her.
Will this take time before she’s over it or is she never speaking to me again? What can I do to fix this.
TLDR: My best friend/situation-ship looked into my past without my permission, I got upset and distanced myself. She blocked me and won’t talk to me.

So, for some context before I start. I (M16, just turned. Yay!) had came across this girl online, absolute kindred spirit and fell in love with her stupidly fast, and she reciprocated those feelings to me too. So sooner or later we started dating and talking about our plans for the future. And at this point he’s we have seen each others faces and heard eachothers voices.
Originally I broke up with her before my finals of my school exams, because I wanted to erase all that stress. She agreed and then we stopped talking for awhile because of my finals, we started talking again after we couldn’t stop talking to eachother and talking in a playful-dirty way to one another. And this led to her on my 16th birthday, the few hours beforehand she asked me out again. To which I thought about it and happily accepted, and now today is where it leads us to the present.
First of all, we were in a call with a few others, a few friends from mine and her friend groups playing minecraft. And I was streaming to her because she wasn’t feeling the best. And a few of her pets had despawned or disappeared even I was confused. And she pointed this out and confused, I searched for them with no luck. Then she suddenly accuses me of killing them even though I did not. I left the call a few minutes later and just sighed it off, and played with a few other friends instead of being near her so she could cool down.
Second of all, this leads to now as I write this. But I was in a private world to which I invited her to join and we were chilling, until she got either too overexcited or annoyed at me because she tried to kill me, and I was clueless of this entire situation unfolding because she attacked me rig as I logged out. Then she accused me of combat-logging (leaving the server as your getting attacked). Once again I brushed it off and left again, not bothering much about it.
Until I look into the server I had met her on, she was asking on methods to kill me? I was shocked and worried not just for her but for my safety around her too. After I saw that I immediately cut contact and almost cried, she was being legitimate too about killing me in real life. I unblocked her an hour later and told her about it. She cried and tried to deny it saying she didn’t know what made her or encouraged her to do that. I wasn’t very happy and more angered at her denying what she blankly did. She soon confessed and tried to guilt trip me into saying at how I saw any good in her.
And I was playing on a private world on minecraft when I immediately disconnected a when I saw her join. I told her to leave me alone for the time being so I can get mr thoughts and process what the hell was going on here that led to this event.
And currently we are speaking as I write this message. She’s being really a piglet if and crying her eyes out over it. But I feel no sadness or anything. Just more of disappointment and rage at how I saw my first ever girlfriend ask others on how to effectively kill a boyfriend which did nothing harsh to her ever.
For some context I never hurt or upset her in any way. She was my first girlfriend.
Reddit I need some help on what to do. Because one side of me is telling me to cut contact and break up. But my other side would eat me away with guilt and sadness at missing a girlfriend.

some backstory: (sorry it’s so long)
me and my ex bf were together for 4 year. ofc we had our fights but a lot of our fights were due to our (especially my) mental state. we would break up and be talking again within 3-4 days. we loved each other. i woke up to “good morning”’s and “i love you”’s every single day..even the times when we were on “breaks” we were crazy for each other. i was there for him and he was there for me. he always joked that if we did ever break up and if he ever got with someone else they would never be bettereplace me and how i’ll always be on his mind. we had plans for the future and everything. we were each others firsts for alotta things and we loved that about eachother
these past 5 months have been the worse months of my life, due to personal/mental health problems (i have borderline personality disorder and bipolar) as well family problems and deaths i’ve become distant to him. i loved him a lot, but i would find myself going through randomly periods of hating him, being very rude and never wanting to speak to him again and even times ghosting him for days. but i never once left him and when those episodes were over i apologised and we would just start over again like nothing happened. he loved me for ME
a few months ago we were calling and i wanted to watch tiktoks with him, so he screen shafted and we watched them. i asked to see his dms and he was hesitant at first but showed me. i seen him sending flirty messages/tiktoks to a girl let’s call her C. he would send her the same tiktoks he would send me. i got mad and left the call he apologised and said he was sorry for “being overly nice” and wasn’t attracted to her at all and she was merely a friend. i was hesitant but forgave him and he said he stopped messaging her and i believed him. but i would always bring up that night to him to simply mess with him lol and he would always reassure me
now. present. this month i’ve been under a lot of stress and went through that random episode of ghosting him again (i hate myself every time i do it and idk why i do) i realised yes i loved him but i didn’t want a relationship with him for now.so i broke up with him, i told him the plans for us in the future will happen and how ill always love him and he responded with a big paragraph saying he doesn’t want to be with anyone else and essentially i’m the only girl he wants in his life. and ofc us being us we were back talking about a few days later lol he sent me a flirty insta video may 21st and i replied “im not C silly” and replied saying ofc not and reassured me again even though we were broken up
we’ve been broken up now for say 2 weeks now and weren’t rlly in high contact with each and i just found out 3 days ago he’s with C not by him telling me but by him having a shared playlist with her called “<3” and leaving the one we shared, i messaged him and he was being dry. he then told me yes he was with him and she’s his gf now and “wished me all the best” and said he would have to unfollow me on everything. and he did. i’m unfollowed on everything and he even unfollowed the artists we loved and shared together (music was very important in our relationship). i’m so hurt and heartbroken by all this. yes I broke up with him but like many other times we were ofc going to get back together. i’m so numb idk if i want to cry or laugh at how ridiculous this all is. i can’t believe im experiencing one of those “he got with the girl he told me not to worry about” scenarios. he’s gone completely cold shoulder. i seen he still followed me on Pinterest and when i was going through our chat i accidentally sent a “❤️” i screamed, blocked him and threw my phone then 5 mins later i unblocked him and saw he seen the ❤️ but didn’t say anything. i’m so lost. i at least want to talk to him one last time and explain and tell him everything..i rlly can’t believe he rlly just up and left me after everything we have been through
the pain and heaviness in my chest is too much to handle and he’s constantly in my mind but ofc he is!! ive been talking to him almost every day for the past 4 years! i miss him and love him so much i cant bare this! i’ve never been truly broken up with before so this is so hard.. pls someone help i need advice on what to do

After over 5 years saving money my wife(36F) and I(37M) bought an apartment in Spain for us to move in the near future, we were super happy and planning how we would renew few things for long time, and 5 months later...
Last year my wife suggested opening the marriage for the duration of February, the month that I went to a surgery in my home country, I first rejected as it's not my thing and after she said that was what she wanted I ended up accepting (maybe for fear of loosing her), and I put some rules on place.
1 can't be someone around us 2 can be at our house 3 can't repeat 4 we would never talk about what happened.
First week off the month I did had a chance of having Sex with someone else and I just didn't want to, I didn't feel like doing that, not to mention that I was finding out a lot of health issues like, kidneys showing signals of failure, lumbar disk damage for life, checking for a problem on my knee and doing all the medical preparation for the surgery, and that same week she had friends that came over so she didn't do anything...
On second week about 2 days before my surgery she told me that her friend from work had friends over his house and she offered our house for him to stay. (I didn't like that, but didn't say anything to not sound jealous). I first heard about this friend December whe she went to his house, they invited me but I was meeting a friend and didn't go, their friendship went up very fast, January they already were like BFF.
On my surgery day 10 of February this guy comes to my house, after my surgery we messaged each other and she mentioned he was in my house with her and said me to not worry about and I said her I wasn't worried saying "I trust you blindly" not to mention I was with the anesthesia getting out of the body, full of morphine and pain killers going through a lot of pain, so, that wasn't something I was worried about.
11 of February, I go to my parents house and after a day where everything went wrong I broke down and started to message her telling that I don't want to keep the agreement, that is not something I want, that I'm happy with her and I don't want to be with anyone else and she got kinda of angry about all that conversation telling me that she does not see her having Sex with only one person for the rest of her life and now that I don't let her anything she can't do what she wants and when I come back home we talk about that, and I explained her that I accept that because I was afraid of losing her, to be complacent and things like that.
During this conversation I'm asking her for stop the agreement they kissed each other.
After the kiss she got a bit shocked and went to our room alone.
Next day I woke up and because I was afraid/confused, I apologize her about last night conversation and told her we could keep the marriage opened as she wanted, but I added a new rule, that was I wanted to know everything she did, she gets in to angry like texting saying she's confused about me blocking the agreement, unblocking it again, but adding more rules... She sent me voice note saying that's not a big deal as was for the month, I told her that was my right and she had the obligation of telling me, she said that makes no sense because we both know that I wouldn't handle that well, and I said that was my right , if I could not handle we break up or whatever, she ends this afternoon conversation saying she does not want to talk about that.
On that same night she went to a party with friends and coworkers, she came back home and we are chatting by message for quite a while and I asked her if someone had come to our house to sleep (she's traumatized about be on her own overnight, so I was worried) and she told me her friend came home, we kept some more conversation and gave good night to each other, and they start to have Sex in the sofa and end in the guest room.
Somewhere in middle of February we had a conversation by phone were we spoke about the opening of the marriage and I told her I didn't want to and I wasn't comfortable with all of that, she asked me if I had done something and I told her I had the chance but didn't do anything, she said she didn't do anything, this conversation goes anywhere...
Somewhere around the end of February we had a phone call where she brings up this subject again and we had an argument about she saying that telling me about the adventures was an absurd and after few justification from my side I get angry and tell her to do whatever she wants and don't tell me anything because I didn't care anymore and when I get back home we talk about the future of our relationship.
Few days later on 23 February she went to a company dinner and they all end up in the pub, she came back home alone because the friends stayed on the street close to my home, she sent me a text message saying she got home we chatted for about 40 minutes and gave good night that was about 4:30am, after that she rang this guy and ask him to come to our house, they stayed in the sofa talking and touching each other until fall asleep, few hours later they wake up and went to the guest room for have sex again, after that she text me as usual around 12:30 afternoon.
After that I came back to our home and our relationship was desgracefull for about 1 month, she didn't want to have sex with me at all, when we can handle this situation anymore I open the conversation about divorce and after I stated to cry a lot and she suggests us to give another chance.
After that our relationship went up very fast and stayed in a level that we never experienced before.
Few months later she brings me to meet friends and introduce me to this friend who she had sex with, it's a very friendly and way handsome than me, he's almost 10 years younger than me, we spoke quite a lot only 2 of us.
After that my wife and I went out 2 more times where this guy was present.
Middle August she went to his house once for bbq with all friends from work in a day that I was working, at this time this guy is starting a relationship with another woman from work.
End of September after I had my an emergency surgery of gallbladder removal and was recovering she invited me to go with her to his house for a BBQ, this guy gave me a hand shake so long looking deeply in to my eyes that I felt very uncomfortable with, so much that I never forgot.
Their friendship started to get complicated as they have a lot of values differences, and she is the manager and had to report him, they ended up meeting in a pub for "break up" their friendship.
End of November we decide go for a baby. (No doubt it's mine, we had fertile tests and pregnancy test for the whole month while doing a lot of sex while she was fertile)
End of December this guy leave the company and we get to know she's pregnant.
6 weeks ago I involuntarily made few connections in my head and confronted her about what happened between them in February and she confess to me everything.
Now I'm struggling a lot to deal with all this.
She showed me her texts with him, January they had some conversation where he was calling her milf (she's about 7 years older than him) where she just laughed, they didn't need talk over messages they worked together and whe things was happening he was in my house. She deleted all Instagram messages from February and back, only thing left was irelevant conversation.
she asked for open the marriage, against my heart I accepted and not satisfied with that she broke all the rules except the "no disclosure one" (the only one that was convenient to her).
In the same day I basically begged to stop all this story was the day she did something while telling me she wasn't going to do anything.
Next day she reaffirmed that she wasn't going to do anything and she had sex few hours later.
She introduced me to him, she brought me to his house.
She was going to keep this hidden from me forever.
She is in a tremendous pain seeing my suffering.
She told me she experienced that in a different way as didn't remember the rules, so she accepts the blame but didn't see that she cheated on me, she recognized that after few weeks of we arguing about.
I love her a lot
After all this we improved our communication skills a lot..
She's way more lovely to me now
We are having loads of sex now and better than never with her starting things sometimes.
We are 3 months away from having our first baby.
My life for the past 5 weeks is cry, have nightmares every night, feeling insecure about so many different things, have anxiety attacks quite often, I can't sleep without medication, sometimes I feel better and we do can do things.
I'm struggling a lot to get over all this story staying with her and afraid of if I leaving her and I regret as I feel she's the love of my life.
I'm struggling to accept her version of the story where she says that the guy was only in the right place in the right time, she says that was only those 2 days and they never spoke about that anymore.
As she's only 3 months from giving birth if we break up or give a time she will need to move to her country to have some family support, what will makes me lose the child birth and I'll be away from the baby basically forever being an absent father.
I'm trying really hard to forgive her, we had couple therapy last Saturday and the therapist said that she wants to treat me first.

Hi everyone,
Has anyone had a similar issue to mine and if so, what happened? did it get resolved? did they fully close your account?
Background: So as of the 26th of May my Ubank account has been blocked. I received a text message the stating:
"Your card/account was recently blocked due to an attempted transaction for $9,404.82 at 19:07 AEST/AEDT. We have reviewed and removed the block. Please contact us if you are unaware of this transaction, ubank Fraud Department"
I basically just wanted to transfer that money to my other bank account. What's weird is that in the text message says "we have reviewed and removed the block". I didn't contact ubank because it wasn't a fraud and was me. I've been travelling overseas and I thought I'd try to transfer that money again today (Friday, 31.05) but I got an error message. I asked my partner to send me money to see if my account was blocked and she got the error message of "this account may be closed". I don't understand why I can't even receive money from my partner. If it was fraud, I'd understand you can't send money. But why can't I receive money?
I've called Ubank to unblock my account today (Friday, 31.05). The issue is I'm overseas, tomorrow is the weekend and I need to withdraw money. This is the only card I've brought. I've been reading on Reddit and other ozbargain posts about Ubank just locking accounts for no reason and if they ask me to do verification at a post office. I'd be very concerned if they did this to me.
Frustrating issues: A few things that have been extremely frustrating about this is: 1. That $9404.82 transaction was me and I didn't contact ubank because it wasn't a fraud, yet my account was blocked even though the text message says the block has been removed. 2. The app doesn't tell you you're blocked and the only way you'd know is by trying another transaction. 3. I can't receive my interest for the month because I can't receive funds into the account. How convenient.
Apologies for the lengthly post, let me know your thoughts and has anyone had a similar issue to mine and if so, what happened? did it get resolved?

My bf (21) and I (24) have been dating for about 6 months; our relationship has progressed very quickly; we went from spending my breaks together to now living with each other. We had our issues, but it wasn't too much for me to consider writing to strangers for help. Until recently... My boyfriend has gotten into the habit of looking through my phone when I am sleeping or whenever I am not around it, I don't mind being that our passwords are the same. But every time he searches through my phone, he finds some "incriminating" evidence that proves that I am cheating... this "evidence" was text message threads from before I met him. He would read these messages and then leave for work, and I would wake up to him, asking for a break or wanting to break up because he doesn't think he can trust me. It didn't bother me much because I didn't do anything wrong; these messages were before I knew he existed, so there should be no reason to argue, fuss, or fight.
No matter my constant concerns about him trying to sabotage the relationship over old messages... he didn't listen...he continued to go through my phone and my laptop... finding old messages and making that the final be-all for me cheating or being untrustworthy... Side note- He has fudged the truth about encounters he has had with his ex-girlfriend (he dated her for four years) ... He would say stories about other girls were about his ex-girlfriend. His ex-girlfriend still has some sort of access to him; she somehow finds his story and makes comments on how he never did those things with her or texts his phone asking for "closure" because her heart is so heavy. I saw messages between them of him wishing her Happy Valentine's Day and calling her at work in the middle of the night (he works security). His excuse for why he is trustworthy, and I am not because there were multiple dudes that I was in communication with... she is just an ex of 4 years.
So, for the last couple of weeks, that has been the topic of our arguments and some of his insecurities. He even has gone as far as to look up divorce rates on women with "high" body counts because of some video that, he saw of Pearl on ig. Everything, for the most part, cools down until he is reminded of some weird flashback or whatever.
He then went to Vegas for EDC; it was a great break from the relationship, but every time he called me drunk, he would drone on and on about how he was about to get a new girlfriend while he was done there or speak about our previous issues despite us agreeing to move past them. I was emotional for that whole week; it wasn't any better that his family was treating me differently because he was out of town, saying that I shouldn't be driving his car or that I needed to be around them more. (He had cameras set up in the room to watch me to ensure I didn't bring someone into our home). I found out through his laptop, that he unblocked this one girl who was flirting with him on IG and carried out a "seemingly innocent" conversation with her. I know I am a social media stalker, which leads to insecurities, but I noticed that he follows more women now than before, especially when he's mad at me. He will follow more women or unblock some I have an issue with. His follower count before he went to Vegas was 178. Now it is 219. They have all been woman. I have voiced my concerns multiple times, but he refuses to stop doing it.
On his way home, he locked me out of every device, including his Apple watch and laptop, and changed his passwords so I could not access his phone. He does this weird phone guarding thing, where he wants me to think it's a joke, but I have a feeling that he's hiding something. Maybe a conversation with his ex-girlfriend... I don't know.
On his return, everything was smooth sailing until my pregnancy test came back positive. I was excited; I jumped off the toilet and rushed into the bedroom, tossing the test on the bed. His response was dull and weird; even though he wasn't sleeping before I went to take the test, his excuse for not being excited was "he was sleeping." I brushed it off, but he still wasn't excited about the news. A couple of days passed, and he was still acting weird, never excited, when I brought up different things about the baby and the baby's potential development. When I voiced my concerns that he was being distant and cold about my feelings, his response was, "I always feel this way, and he doesn't have time for my feelings." His usual response for everything. I ask for reassurance, but he never gives it to me; I don't even think he knows how to.
Now, I am contemplating if I should still be in the relationship. If I should get the abortion? OR be a single mom? So, AITA, for thinking these thoughts?

Note: This is going to be a long read but I guess I was able to let out the frustrations I had.
TLDR: My girlfriend whom I loved the most, cheated on me five times. I let myself be controlled, manipulated and used for the sake of loving her. Now she is the one accusing me of cheating. I broke up with her but now I feel lost and don't know how to start over again.
I (18M) had this girlfriend (18F) for 1 year and two months. To make things easier, let's just call her by the name of "Chii". So Chii and I is something you would call highschool sweethearts. As a little bit of background, during my highschool I had a pretty good reputation. I was the president of the highest organization in the school, I had the highest grades and I have a good background (family and my relationship with friends and teachers). Chii on the other hand, transferred on 11th grade while I'm on 12th grade. She is this cheerful type of girl, but has a bad relationship with her family, a broken family, with her mom leaving her and her father and eventually ended up with another guy. She isn't really the best at academics but she works hard and eager to learn.
Our encounter started when she transferred to the school. We unded up a school year apart but on the same strand and specialization. She caught the attention of my friend when she was reciting during their lesson with my friend commenting how we are alike. At first I didn't really pay it any attention and just continued what I'm doing, however, as a new student in the school, she piqued my interest. She then began approaching me and asking me for an autograph and saying how she "idolizes" me at school. She would approach me cheerfully and ask for my autograph everyday so naturally she caught my attention. We sort of got into conversations, having to know each other and we became close with each other. I started developing feelings for her but was uncertain with myself at that time. I eventually decided (or atleast tried) to stop my feelings after knowing she has a boyfriend at the time. However she would still continue to be with me and be so close to me that people actually started suspecting that there was something going on between us. I paid it no mind and just considered everything as a friendly type of relationship.
There was one time when we stayed at school until evening to organize for an upcoming event when she decided to stay and wait for me. When the preparations ended we got into a deep conversation before going home. There she opened up about her family problem, basically vented about her whole situation to which as a friend, I offered her a shoulder to lie on. I already had a suppressed feeling for her back then so knowing her even more was more than welcome for me but that's just it I didn't really took advantage of the situation and just listened to her talk. I guess it was this time that I really have that feeling of wanting to be with her at her hard times. There is just something about wanting to be by her side after seeing the opposite of her usually cheerful smiles. I guess that day was very important as it was the day I wanted to know more about her.
We continued our days as usual however as days goes on, we get more and more closer than usual. There are even days when friends would question my relationship with her and I will just dismiss it as "we're really just friends". She eventually vented to me about how she broke up with her boyfriend and wanting to have someone stay by her side until she heals again. I actually told her that she can share that burden with me and if she wanted to, I can be someone she can rely on. It was basically a hidden confession of mine since I'm the type who likes to hide feelings behind words but I guess she didn't catch that one. We still continued our days as usual.
Months passed and we grew closer and closer to the point that even I can no longer deny that I already developed my feelings for her. I waited for Christmas and New Year. Two chances and I blew it off haha. I eventually just decided to keep it to myself and have these unrequited feelings. That was until January of last year that while we are talking through phone, we eventually get into the topic of who our crushes are. I tried to avoid the conversation until she said that she likes me. Smiling from ear to ear, I didn't speak for a few seconds till she says that well, she atleast need a reply. I reciprocated her feelings and admitted that I had feelings too. We then decided to meet up and talk about each other. Now, it isn't a we-admitted-our-feelings-so-we-started-dating type of situation. There are courtships and getting to know each other and we only got together till the March of the same year and it was the happiest day of my life.
We did all sorts of a young couple would do, we were passionate with each other and we have a pretty strong relationship. Our first challenge was when we actually made our relationship public. I got so many questions about "us" and I heard many feedbacks both positive and negative. Many are concerned about me and how I might be careless with my studies now that I have a relationship to focus on (typical comments when entering a relationship in highschool). Many are also saying how they never really expected me to be with her considering our conflicting backgrounds and my high position in the school etc. Heck even teachers were involved with our relationship. I just brushed it off and says that I do truly loved her and that I really wanted to be with her and that It is a decision I made for my own. They said that though they don't oppose my decision, I should still be careful not as to get caught up with this relationship. We got through many of these challenges together and even after months, our relationship only got stronger.
As time goes on we have encountered yet another challenge, I will be away for college and that Chii and I will eventually engaged in to long distance relationship. We prepared months for it. We made promises, assurances with each other saying I will wait for her in college and we will go through college together. We considered many things and sufficient to say we really got ourselves ready to face the whole thing. She was assuring, she was really passionate about it that I can't help but feel that things are just going to be alright...
However five months passed by and I stumbled upon something in her alternative facebook account (she recently gave it to me). There I discovered that she has been in contact and having flirtatious conversation with her ex-boyfriend for three months in to our relationship. She says how we are actually just acting couples and how she still wanted him to comeback. The conversation ended with them actually cutting ties with each other after three months of our relationship. I was speechless. Its like the sky just fell down on me. I felt heavy, I felt betrayed. I asked her to meet up and confronted her about it. She cried saying she's so sorry and how that was in the past and how she loved me now more than anything and how she can't lose me. I didn't know what to feel. It's like all these emotions just got bottled up on my heart and got all clogged up that I don't even know how to feel anymore. I decided to tell her to give me more time to think and that I was really hurt with the whole situation. She says that she'll do anything to win my trust back. Oh how I wish I just ended it there and then. It was cheating and I should have never tolerated it, but here we are. She begged me everyday how she will never do the same "mistake" again and how she will become a better person if I just give her another chance. As cliche as it might be, I did believe in second chances, so I gave her. It took weeks for me to go back the way I was but I can't deny that what she did left a deep wound in my heart. I decided to forgive her and that I really hope she can be the better person she told me to be.
A month passed and it is time for me to leave the town and go to the city to enter university. Our days was full of us just chatting about how we love each other and how we missed each other. Occasionally I would go back for a few days and we would meet up. Our plans were still being put in action and we are still having a strong relationship. It is not totally avoidable but we eventually get in to arguments once in a while. But even so, even with the new environment I was in with meeting new people, I remained faithful and loyal to her.
However, no matter how strong your feelings are, and no matter how loyal and loving you are, things will go wrong. The next parts will just be the instances of cheating and "micro" cheating my ex-girlfriend did.
The first one (well, second) instance she "micro" cheated was when she brought one of her "guy-friend" home for lunch. A close friend of her told me how they saw Chii and that guy walking together going to her home for lunch after school. Take note that this guy was not his ex. It was a different guy. I asked this friend of hers to just observe them for the time being because I didn't want to jump into conclusions. It was only when their teacher contacted me about how they see her with the same guy for almost everyday during lunch and asked if we are still ok. I said that I will look into it and thanked her for watching her out for me. I confronted her about it as she argued that there was nothing wrong with it since she was just "helping" this guy friend out. I said that it was wrong in so many ways. She can't just bring a guy home everyday and expect nothing wrong. I asked her if I did the same, how will she feel? She then eventually told me thay she will stop interacting all together to the guy and she says that she'll just stop interacting with anyone else all together since I didn't want to. She says that she's worried about what I said that "What if I also bring a girl home for lunch" and made me promise not to talk to anyone else in school as she's "worried". Really unreasonable thing to do specially how she was the one who did it. It was a long argument but I eventually forgave her.
Now take note that this "you can't interact with other people" rule will still be in effect throughout my college days which is unreasonable as it made my studying and social life much much worst. But I still agreed to it if it means she won't do what she did anymore.
We got into a fight again which leads us to another instance of cheating. Hurted by the first one and now the second one, I decided to think things through again after our fight. I said that I needed time because I was so hurt and that I needed space to think about things. She would beg me for days until I eventually gave up and just forgive her. She says that she misses me so much and that she will be a better person again. I fell for those words. Not until a friend of hers messaged me again saying that the past few days (when we got into a fight) she was rather very close in school to someone and they wondered what's up. Them being close to the guy (the one she was close with, and mind you this was yet another guy) messaged the guy and asked if something was up with them. They then showed me the conversation with the guy as well as a picture of him with Chii together in a cafe near the school. The picture really got me upset but the conversation was even more concerning. Apparently the guy confessed to Chii and Chii actually gave the guy permission to court her! While we are still in a relationship! Having those evidences in my hand, I decided to confront Chii and never told her friend (to see if what they provide me was also true and that to see if they are really doing this out of concern or not) we got into another big fight and she argued that she did that because she thought I don't love her anymore, which is unreasonable as I never really said we should break up. But even so, we had a fight and she was already allowing someone to talk to her like that and court her?! She then talked to me about how I was at fault and that if I never should've let her go, she wouldn't have talked to that guy in the first place. (Yes a manipulation and projection at play here) But I'm an idiot how still have my rose tinted glasses and was still so in loved with her so I took it and forgave her again for another time and continued our relationship.
As time went on I really started to feel as if I'm just being used. I got many advices from teachers who I don't even vent out my feelings to them anyway but they do see what Chii was really doing in my absence. They are concerned but I just dismissed everything because, well, I was still inlove. She fights with my classmates just because I was asked to collect payments for an upcoming event. She would ask me to block my relatives who would just ask me questions and didn't allow me to talk to them, virtually and personally. She even asked me to block my old friends which they understood but let me off with a warning. I let myself be controlled by her under the context that we really just love each other...
The more recent instance of "micro" cheating was during their immersion. It was some sort of a mandatory thing in school how they will be deployed and experience first hand the work environment related to their strand. Now many schools were in this immersion so I expected her to meet few people there. Remember that until this time she still doesn't allow me to talk to other students in my school, monitoring my account and will fight me even if I just have a classmate asking for notes or the schedule, etc. I was eventually told once again by one of her friends about how she is close ONCE AGAIN with a fellow student there. And sent a picture of them close together. When I went home and met her, I still didn't told her however while were together I checked her phone and there I saw a picture of Chii together with a guy. The same guy that her friend told me before. (Mind you that this was yet another guy! Different from the previous guys) That's when I confronted her again, she says that it was just a friend from the immersion and that nothing was going on. I chose to believe her in the end but I just expressed my feelings of how she didn't want me to talk to my classmates let alone even take pictures with them which she did. I told her how she breaks her own rules and expected me, who endured the difficult life in college of being isolated just because she told me to, to be okay with it. She said that it was just nothing but I really felt hurt seeing how she was with a guy in those pictures. I was really hurt and really don't know how to react anymore. Because of all these my academic performance were also affected. But I was just doing these things for her. As usual I forgave her for the whole thing. She made me block the friend who told me saying that that friend was just jealous of us. To which I did and we continued our relationship.
After our first year anniversary everything just went downhill. The final instance of cheating she did was when we are are happily chatting and flirting with each other and she just suddenly stopped replying. Curious, I opened her account and there I saw her talking to another guy and having flirtatious conversation (again, another guy, different from the guys before). And I just snapped... I confronted her about it. I was furious, I let out everything... I brought up breaking up with her as I can't do this anymore. Everything that happened in the past, all the pain I endured just came back and filled my heart with all sorts of emotions. It all boiled down to me asking for space and she agreed. Friday during that she was still begging me to not leave her. Friday night she stopped responding to my messages all together. And Saturday morning she told me we should break up.
I began moving on. I started by unblocking people, friends and relatives, on social media. It was mot long until questions poured in about our relationship. But one thing really sticked to me. Her closest friend which we will just call "Joyce" told me everything.
About how they wanted to tell me how she was just playing with me as she gets close to guys and how she was with anyone else.
About how she will always play the victim whenever we fight.
About how she will turn the story around, manipulate it in order for it to be more favorable to her.
And most of all about how on Saturday, the day of our break up, she brought someone home. And that someone was the guy she was chatting with. The day of our break up and she was already having someone. Yet she accuses me of cheating. Of how cheating was the reason we broke up. But the real reason was her attitude and I just can't do it anymore.
Just today, I accidentally opened up her TikTok account as it was still logged in on my phone. I don't really use TikTok that much but I just opened it to pass some time. There I saw a video she uploaded. It was about her boyfriend, the one she was chatting to. I felt dismayed, I feel heavy. Here I am being accused of cheating (from her posts) yet it is hard for me to move on. And there she is already with someone. I am no longer confident with myself. I feel like I was used. I let myself be manipulated, controlled. I loved her so much so that I still forgave her after going through all that because I accepted her.
Now I just came into conclusion that she never really loved the "me", my very person. All she really wanted was the presence of someone. My presence. But even so it doesn't have to be me. She just wanted the presence of someone not who they are...

Throw away the account.
I (26F) & my Brother (34M) Let's call him Ben have always had somewhat of a rocky relationship because I believe he is entitled & a narcissist. He had issues with Substance abuse & would steal & pawn everything that he would get his hands on.
When I was 22 Ben called me & asked for a favor. He wanted me to help him sign for a car. I have always been a people pleaser & since at the time he seemed to be getting better & more responsible I agreed to be the Co-Signer for the car. His payment ended up being $260 every month. The only catch was I would be the only signer meaning the car would be just under my name. Ben looked at me very excitedly & told me that this would make the payments more manageable. I ended up agreeing thinking that he was turning his life around & because he promised that he would refinance the car under his name in 6 months.
The problems started 3 months into Ben having the car. In the first 2 months, he gave the payments on time but on the 3rd month, the payment bounced from his account. Ben proceeded to tell me that he didn't know why it bounced & showed me a screenshot of money being in the account. His continued to happen for the next 4 months until I Ended up just paying it out of my account. after we hit the 6-month mark I told him I was giving him to figure things out I asked him when he would go refinance the care under his name. Ben Told me he wasn't ready & that he needed more time. I told him that he had promised & I had told him the reason that I needed the car out of my name. He Got upset & the conversation quickly turned into a screaming match before he hung up on me.
Within the 1st year, he Missed 6 car payments after I begged him for the money. He started paying me again but only the monthly car payment there were a couple of times he would give me extra to pay me what he owed. Everything was going smoothly Until He started to miss payments again. He owed me almost $2k when I told him to let me file his taxes he was behind on so that He could get some money back. I told him that it would be going into my account to pay for what he owed me & pay off most of the car. He ended up getting a couple of grand. When the Money was deposited I took what he owed me & gave a big chunk to the car. When I let Him know He was Irrate & upset with what I did because he "Needed the Money" I told him he had agreed to it when We filed but he said that didn't matter. I gave the State Return to him plus an extra Stimulus that he had received. After paying off most of the car. He was still missing payments here & there but it didn't affect me as much because he was paid up for 7 months.
Everything was fine Until Last July the last time he gave me a car payment. Ben would come up with excuses about why he couldn't give me the car payment. I paid the car off & I still haven't gotten anything from him. Ben Told me I was just waiting for a Tax check in the mail that has been supposedly coming but it's been almost 2 months & nothing yet. Everything hit the fan about 2 weeks ago.
Ben called my husband & me to Buy him oil because the car broke down. I told him I couldn't take him & to ask our Younger brother to take him to buy the oil. My younger brother told me that he ended up paying for the oil because Ben had no money. Ben left the car on the side of the road for 5 days. I did not know that the car was on the side of the road 5 blocks from my house because it wouldn't start until I texted him to ask him when the check would be arriving.
When I asked for the Where's My Refund screenshot he got upset & told me He wasn't going to give me all the money because he needed to fix the car. Ben told me I only cared about myself & he hadn't been working. I'm already done with the BS & I wanted everything to be over. I told him that it had been almost a year since he had paid me anything for the car & I wanted the car out of my name or I was taking it back. Ben called my bluff & told me where the Keys were. I decided to Grow a backbone & I went for the car keys that were at our sister's house. I talked to my parents to make sure they had my back. That’s when my mom told Ben was using again. That further solidified my decision. With the help of my in-laws, we towed the car to my house & everything was fine for about 3 days
After 3 days Ben went to my sister's house to get his keys & that’s when he realized that I had kept my word & took the car back. He. Went. Off. On. EVERYONE. He called my sister a Bitch & told her never to speak to him again. He went over to my parent's house to get the key & went off on my dad for being on my side. Ben told my dad to shove the car up his ass. My mom confronted him about using it again & he said some things to my mom as well & stormed off with the Car key. Ben called me yelling at me about how much of a bitch I was & that we never gave a shit about him. He demanded I give him $9k for the car & when I refused he told me He would see me in court. When I asked him for the key back to told me to send my dad for it. I told him I was not involving my dad in our issues & he told me that was too bad because he already did & he blocked me. I called my Younger brother crying asking if he could go pick up the key & I told him everything that was going on. My younger brother was upset & texted Ben telling him he was picking up the key. Ben unblocked me & started texting me Saying I didn’t have to act the way I was acting & that he told me that he was going to give me half of the tax money to pay for some of what he owes me. He told me I was “fucked up” for taking what little he has left & only caring about money. Ben continued to demand $9k for the car & when I told him no & I was Keeping the car he told me “Talk to Dad & he will tell you.” He called my dad yelling & crying about how we never cared about him, How we were taking what he had left, & that he was going to go to NC with the family. Ben told my dad that I never told him how much he owed me When I stated it 4 separate times in the messages. My parents have tried to give me the money he owes me to keep the peace but I refused to take it because it's not their mess to clean up.
I Feel like the asshole because this has started arguments between me & my husband & as well as my parents & me. I hate being a Bitch & mean. It makes me feel sick & it drains me completely. My dad also has health issues, & the stress is making him sick. I’m on the verge of giving in just so I can Save my dad some head & heartache. I love my parents & everything they do for me but I'm just so sick of watching them help Ben out of every situation.
TLDR: My brother owes me money for a car and he is upset that I took the car back.

For context I’m 20F and my best friend is 20F we met 5 years ago at a party through a mutual friend I’ve known since elementary school but we got really close about 3 years ago. My best friend “Hannah” was best friends with my exs girlfriend at the time so they went to the same parties and hang out with my ex together but I met Hannah prior to meeting my ex boyfriend and his ex girlfriend. The reason that’s important because my ex boyfriend (M25) and I met through a threesome with the ex girlfriend. We had one encounter and the ex gf texted me that he cheated and we weren’t going to be seeing each other anymore. Long story short she ran off and cut contact with everyone including Hannah and myself but him and I still talked. I started to get feelings for him after some time of us hanging out and texting a lot and the feelings SEEMED reciprocated and I moved out of state and we still were on FaceTime 2X a day almost everyday. Then I moved back to my home state, at the time Hannah was best friends with this girl named “Marisa”. I later found out that Marisa and my ex were sleeping together, going on dates, and him lying about his whereabouts when they were together. That hurt my because I was in the mindset that we were working towards something since I moved back. Anyway at the time we weren’t together so I let it blow over because she blocked him. Time past and I was living alone and working 5 days a week. I would see him very often and spend the night especially since his grandmother (whom he lived with) was moving out and wasn’t home often and he had a car to come get me even if I was tired. Throughout everything Hannah and I were still close friends, we wouldn’t hang out much obviously because I was in a different state most of our friendship and when I moved back I had a very laborious job that didn’t allow me to do much and she doesn’t have any transportation to get to me but she knew everything that was going on with me and my ex. After living alone for a while my ex offered me to move in since his grandmother was now gone and he needed help with the rent. I moved in we weren’t together the first 3 months but the remaining 7 months we were a couple. I admittedly had a drinking problem that was causing us issues, that wasn’t our only problem at alllll but it was one of the main. Living with him I lost my job, my car, and half of my front tooth so I decided it was best for both of us to leave and go back with my family out of state. Again throughout this whole process Hannah has been the one I count on because she knows him and she would talk shit about him with me! Anyway my ex dropped me off with my family because they were up visiting for the holiday and they were going to take me back. The whole day leading up until me leaving this man was crying in my arms, sobbing on the floor in fetal position, and saying how much he loves me and the next day I get a call from my brother saying he’s at the gym with some girl. My brother lives 30 minutes away from where me and my ex used to live so I was so confused as to who it would be. As any girlie does I call my bestie Hannah and I tell everything to her and she giggles and says “oh that’s me”… I was not gone for 24hours and they were hanging out. Before my ex and I got into a relationship my ex genuinely believed she hated her until I got them to have a conversation. I know that sounds stupid on my end now but I saw myself spending the rest of my life with him so I wanted my bestie and my man to get along. After I found out I sent my paragraphs and I blocked her and him. I let Hannah speak her peace before I blocked her, with my ex I still have things in his home so I told him I’ll just unblock him when I need to get my things. When Hannah responded she said she didn’t see a problem with her hanging out with my ex because he reached out to her the night I left to console him so she felt bad… but when I got upset about it, it made sense. I blocked them on all platforms so let me know should I keep both of them blocked and move on or should I give hannah a chance and be cordial with my ex until I get the rest of my stuff?

I did something stupid, and I regret it.
I'll give a brief synopsis of my relationship with the MM.
I was involved with the MM for almost three years. It started when I was 23 and he was 32. He acted like he was single and pursued me for a relationship. I thought I found the one I'd marry and start a family with. After a year, I found out he was married, and over that year, before I found out the truth, he became abusive. I stayed even though I felt guilty. The abuse got worse over time to the point he wrapped his hands around my neck because he could and I couldn't overpower him, and on another occasion, he threatened to take my life. I didn't know he was being abusive in the beginning because I was abused severely in my childhood by my mother. I only noticed something was wrong when it got really bad.
D-Day for me was January 1st of this year. His wife called me and ended up putting us on a three-way call, and he took back everything he ever said, even when I had proof he was lying. I've been in NC ever since, and I've struggled because I always thought he would be in my life, and I never could imagine him not being in my life until I was forced to. I realize that being serious about my healing journey and taking therapy seriously, I have a lot of work to do on myself. And I realized if I attempted to go back to him, he would've taken my life eventually.
One of the few things I've done that wasn't smart was unblock him a few days after D-Day. I even added him back on Snapchat, though he's never added me back. And sometimes, I look at his Facebook account. He posted pictures today with his family, which stung more than I thought. On D-Day, his wife acted like she was divorcing him, though I could tell that wasn't going to happen.
It bothers me because of what I know about him and how I'm not the first person he's cheated on her with, that he suffered no consequences. Granted, I can't say that for sure. But I'm miserable all the time. It'll be five months on Saturday, and I have moments where I still cry myself to sleep; the pain from all the betrayals I faced with him, D-day, the embarrassment and shame come in strong waves. My therapist told me there's a likely chance I'll get into another abusive relationship again, so I'm heavily considering not having children. No one will do it because I'm 26. Even though he was horrible to me, I think of him as my first love, and I feel like I will never love again.
A part of me still tells myself I deserved his abuse because I didn't leave when I found out he was married. Through working through my emotions, I realized he was the first person I thought saw me for me and loved me. I didn't want to let go of that, so I stayed around.
I know better. Checking social media is self-sabotage. I won't heal that way, but it sucks that I still think of him every day, and I'm not even a blip on his radar. Healing from the heartbreak is one part, but the level of abuse I suffered was severe, and I don't know how I'm going to get past it. I try to mask the pain these days as much as possible because I know it gets tiring for others to listen to. I feel so alone. The pain is back, and my stomach is a bottomless pit again.
I have things to do in my life to feel my time. I'm in school; I recently got a promotion, and I'm making new friends. I'm even picking up new hobbies and smiling and laughing again. But my happiness is fake, and I'm wearing a mask to the outside world. I feel empty inside except when I feel the pain. I feel like I'm dying inside, and no one can see me. I'm wounded. And because the shame and guilt are so much, I don't feel comfortable telling the truth all the time, even to people in my life who know what's going on.
Why do I still care!? Why won't it go away? Why am I so compelled to understand why he doesn't care about me? I still love him, and he never loved me, so what it happens to people every day. I still dream of him frequently, and I hate sleeping now. I hate having to fake my feelings, but I'm tired of feeling this way. It's like he died, but only in a space in my life.

Hi everyone. I’m (27f) new to this group and looking for how y’all would handle this situation. Im low contact. I was no contact because of something severe she did in the past. I only unblocked her number because she started going to therapy, but she hasn’t been in a long time. She was going for depression from my understanding, but I highly doubt she discusses anything other than how other people have wronged her.
Anyway, she tried to call me today and I didn’t answer. She texted me and my sister that she was proud of us. LOL then this afternoon she called my grandma and told her awful, awful things. For example, she told her that my grandma abused us? Which is not true whatsoever. My mom is abusive. Mentally and physically (when I was younger). my grandma who is literally 88 calls me crying. She has high blood pressure so I tried to calm her down but was also stern because she shouldn’t allow my mom to talk to her like that. I want to go no contact and not see my mom ever again tbh. My sister is upset because she wants me there at holidays or else it’ll just be her, my mom, my grandma, and my uncle. My family is very small. I told my sister that at the end of the day, I have to take care of my health, as should she. I still feel guilty, though. What would you do? Thank you.

After over 5 years saving money my wife(36F) and I(37M) bought an apartment in Spain for us to move in the near future, we were super happy and planning how we would renew few things for long time, and 5 months later...
Last year my wife suggested opening the marriage for the duration of February, the month that I went to a surgery in my home country, I first rejected as it's not my thing and after she said that was what she wanted I ended up accepting (maybe for fear of loosing her), and I put some rules on place.
1 can't be someone around us 2 can be at our house 3 can't repeat 4 we would never talk about what happened.
First week off the month I did had a chance of having Sex with someone else and I just didn't want to, I didn't feel like doing that, not to mention that I was finding out a lot of health issues like, kidneys showing signals of failure, lumbar disk damage for life, checking for a problem on my knee and doing all the medical preparation for the surgery, and that same week she had friends that came over so she didn't do anything...
On second week about 2 days before my surgery she told me that her friend from work had friends over his house and she offered our house for him to stay. (I didn't like that, but didn't say anything to not sound jealous). I first heard about this friend December whe she went to his house, they invited me but I was meeting a friend and didn't go, their friendship went up very fast, January they already were like BFF.
On my surgery day 10 of February this guy comes to my house, after my surgery we messaged each other and she mentioned he was in my house with her and said me to not worry about and I said her I wasn't worried saying "I trust you blindly" not to mention I was with the anesthesia getting out of the body, full of morphine and pain killers going through a lot of pain, so, that wasn't something I was worried about.
11 of February, I go to my parents house and after a day where everything went wrong I broke down and started to message her telling that I don't want to keep the agreement, that is not something I want, that I'm happy with her and I don't want to be with anyone else and she got kinda of angry about all that conversation telling me that she does not see her having Sex with only one person for the rest of her life and now that I don't let her anything she can't do what she wants and when I come back home we talk about that, and I explained her that I accept that because I was afraid of losing her, to be complacent and things like that.
During this conversation I'm asking her for stop the agreement they kissed each other.
After the kiss she got a bit shocked and went to our room alone.
Next day I woke up and because I was afraid/confused, I apologize her about last night conversation and told her we could keep the marriage opened as she wanted, but I added a new rule, that was I wanted to know everything she did, she gets in to angry like texting saying she's confused about me blocking the agreement, unblocking it again, but adding more rules... She sent me voice note saying that's not a big deal as was for the month, I told her that was my right and she had the obligation of telling me, she said that makes no sense because we both know that I wouldn't handle that well, and I said that was my right , if I could not handle we break up or whatever, she ends this afternoon conversation saying she does not want to talk about that.
On that same night she went to a party with friends and coworkers, she came back home and we are chatting by message for quite a while and I asked her if someone had come to our house to sleep (she's traumatized about be on her own overnight, so I was worried) and she told me her friend came home, we kept some more conversation and gave good night to each other, and they start to have Sex in the sofa and end in the guest room.
Somewhere in middle of February we had a conversation by phone were we spoke about the opening of the marriage and I told her I didn't want to and I wasn't comfortable with all of that, she asked me if I had done something and I told her I had the chance but didn't do anything, she said she didn't do anything, this conversation goes anywhere...
Somewhere around the end of February we had a phone call where she brings up this subject again and we had an argument about she saying that telling me about the adventures was an absurd and after few justification from my side I get angry and tell her to do whatever she wants and don't tell me anything because I didn't care anymore and when I get back home we talk about the future of our relationship.
Few days later on 23 February she went to a company dinner and they all end up in the pub, she came back home alone because the friends stayed on the street close to my home, she sent me a text message saying she got home we chatted for about 40 minutes and gave good night that was about 4:30am, after that she rang this guy and ask him to come to our house, they stayed in the sofa talking and touching each other until fall asleep, few hours later they wake up and went to the guest room for have sex again, after that she text me as usual around 12:30 afternoon.
After that I came back to our home and our relationship was desgracefull for about 1 month, she didn't want to have sex with me at all, when we can handle this situation anymore I open the conversation about divorce and after I stated to cry a lot and she suggests us to give another chance.
After that our relationship went up very fast and stayed in a level that we never experienced before.
Few months later she brings me to meet friends and introduce me to this friend who she had sex with, it's a very friendly and way handsome than me, he's almost 10 years younger than me, we spoke quite a lot only 2 of us.
After that my wife and I went out 2 more times where this guy was present.
Middle August she went to his house once for bbq with all friends from work in a day that I was working, at this time this guy is starting a relationship with another woman from work.
End of September after I had my an emergency surgery of gallbladder removal and was recovering she invited me to go with her to his house for a BBQ, this guy gave me a hand shake so long looking deeply in to my eyes that I felt very uncomfortable with, so much that I never forgot.
Their friendship started to get complicated as they have a lot of values differences, and she is the manager and had to report him, they ended up meeting in a pub for "break up" their friendship.
End of November we decide go for a baby. (No doubt it's mine, we had fertile tests and pregnancy test for the whole month while doing a lot of sex while she was fertile)
End of December this guy leave the company and we get to know she's pregnant.
6 weeks ago I involuntarily made few connections in my head and confronted her about what happened between them in February and she confess to me everything.
Now I'm struggling a lot to deal with all this.
She showed me her texts with him, January they had some conversation where he was calling her milf (she's about 7 years older than him) where she just laughed, they didn't need talk over messages they worked together and whe things was happening he was in my house. She deleted all Instagram messages from February and back, only thing left was irelevant conversation.
she asked for open the marriage, against my heart I accepted and not satisfied with that she broke all the rules except the "no disclosure one" (the only one that was convenient to her).
In the same day I basically begged to stop all this story was the day she did something while telling me she wasn't going to do anything.
Next day she reaffirmed that she wasn't going to do anything and she had sex few hours later.
She introduced me to him, she brought me to his house.
She was going to keep this hidden from me forever.
She is in a tremendous pain seeing my suffering.
She told me she experienced that in a different way as didn't remember the rules, so she accepts the blame but didn't see that she cheated on me, she recognized that after few weeks of we arguing about.
I love her a lot
After all this we improved our communication skills a lot..
She's way more lovely to me now
We are having loads of sex now and better than never with her starting things sometimes.
We are 3 months away from having our first baby.
My life for the past 5 weeks is cry, have nightmares every night, feeling insecure about so many different things, have anxiety attacks quite often, I can't sleep without medication, sometimes I feel better and we do can do things.
I'm struggling a lot to get over all this story staying with her and afraid of if I leaving her and I regret as I feel she's the love of my life.
I'm struggling to accept her version of the story where she says that the guy was only in the right place in the right time, she says that was only those 2 days and they never spoke about that anymore.
As she's only 3 months from giving birth if we break up or give a time she will need to move to her country to have some family support, what will makes me lose the child birth and I'll be away from the baby basically forever being an absent father.
I'm trying really hard to forgive her, we had couple therapy last Saturday and the therapist said that she wants to treat me first.