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Finn Tresscoat, a 20-year-old with short dark brown hair, brown eyes, and a pale complexion, strolled down the sidewalk of his small town. He wore a light brown leather jacket over a black shirt, paired with black jeans and black-and-white sneakers.
As Finn ambled along, he glanced at the many shops lining the main road of the town's bustling center. He wasn't searching for anything in particular; he simply wanted to enjoy the rare day off from his job, one of the most perilous occupations in the United West (U.W.).
"Finn! Oh, Finn!"
Finn turned his head to the right and spotted Ms. Tori Elortor, or simply Ms. Tori as he called her. She was an older lady in her early fifties, though her youthful appearance often surprised the townsfolk. With long white hair cascading down her back, pale skin, and bright hazel eyes, she was a striking figure. Today, she wore a navy blue sundress over a pair of tight blue jeans and brown cowboy boots.
Ms. Tori, the local bakery owner, was considered quite attractive and often caught the eye of the younger men in town. Her curvaceous figure and active lifestyle, including regular yoga sessions in the park, only added to her allure. However, Finn saw her differently. Having known her since childhood and feeling like part of her family, he saw her as a maternal figure rather than anything else. He was also close to her son, Eric, feeling like an older brother to him.
Despite his demanding job, which kept him busy for nearly twenty-four-seven, Finn always tried to visit Ms. Tori and Eric whenever he could. Today was a rare opportunity for him to relax and reconnect.
"Ah, hi Ms. Tori! How are you today?" Finn greeted her with a warm smile.
Ms. Tori returned his smile. "I'm just fine, Finn. The real question is, how are you? I haven't seen you in months!" Her tone shifted to one of concern. "I was worried, and so was Eric. You do have quite a dangerous job for someone so young," she added.
What kind of dangerous job did Finn have, you might ask?
Well, Finn was a "Gaunt Hunter," a member of a specialized group tasked with safeguarding the small towns outside the major cities in the United West from creatures known as Gaunts.
These slim, humanoid creatures had leathery black skin, no eyes or nose, and wide mouths that drooled a strange dark green liquid. They had emerged after the cataclysmic "Decade of Winter."
The Gaunts varied in form and capability. Some were very muscular, while others had bat-like wings, allowing them to fly. They were also cunning, often creating weapons from scavenged materials and hunting in packs.
Disturbingly, these were just the common variants.
There were tales of Gaunts resembling animals and some that could even speak, though Finn himself had never encountered such anomalies.
Despite the ominous title of Gaunt Hunter, Finn's role wasn't as glamorous as one might imagine.
He wasn't a high-tech, gadget-wielding hero. Gaunt Hunters received training similar to regular police officers, focusing on the use of firearms. However, since firearms were not commonly traded or shipped to the smaller towns outside the major cities, Gaunt Hunters were also taught to wield swords, knives, and other melee weapons, as well as trained in close-range combat.
Finn had been trained to fire a pistol but also learned to fight with a machete, which was more practical for their needs than a traditional sword. On duty, he carried a standard-issue Glock-17 and a machete strapped to his side. He also wore the standard protective gear issued to United West Security Forces (UWSF) officers.
Returning to the conversation with Ms. Tori, Finn let out a lighthearted chuckle. "Dangerous for most of the veterans on the job, but I'm young and fit! Practically invincible!" he said with a grin.
Ms. Tori gave Finn an unimpressed look, raising an eyebrow. "Is that right?" she asked. "Then what's this I hear about a Gaunt nearly taking your head off just last week?"
Finn's face flushed with embarrassment as he recalled the incident. A Gaunt had caught him off guard and nearly decapitated him with a makeshift axe. "Okay... yeah, fair enough," he admitted, looking down.
Ms. Tori's expression softened, and she gave him a few light taps on the shoulder. "Oh, I'm not trying to make you feel bad, Finn, I'm just reminding you that your job is dangerous… You need to be careful," she said gently.
Finn looked up at her and nodded. "I know, and thank you for caring," he replied. Inwardly, he thought, 'It's not like anyone else does'
"Of course, I care, Finn," Ms. Tori said firmly. "Do you know how devastated I'd be if you got hurt or, heaven forbid, died? I'd be heartbroken,” she told him. “Eric would be even worse off, after all, who would play with him?"
Finn felt a wave of warmth at her words. Despite not wanting to worry Ms. Tori or Eric, it was comforting to know there were people who cared about him, and who wanted him to stay safe and come back home. "I guess you're right," he said with a soft smile. "I'll try to be more careful out there, I promise,”
Ms. Tori nodded, her smile lingering. "Good,” she said. “Now, how many days do you have off?" she asked.
"Not many," Finn replied with a sigh. "Just today,"
Ms. Tori's eyes widened in shock. "Only today? Why?" She asked.
Finn's expression turned serious. "Many of the other Gaunt Hunters are either dead, retiring, or switching to become cops... There are only ten of us left in the entire town,"
Ms. Tori's eyes widened in horror. Gaunt Hunters were the primary defense against the Gaunts. The law across the U.W. dictated that local law enforcement dealt with human issues, leaving Gaunt-related threats to the Hunters. The thought of their numbers dwindling was terrifying.
Each town was supposed to have a contingent of Gaunt Hunters, given that small towns were the primary targets for Gaunt attacks.
Major cities, in contrast, rarely had to deal with Gaunts.
The dense populations of these urban centers acted as a deterrent, scaring off most Gaunt packs. Even if a small group of Gaunts did manage to attack, the cities were equipped with heavy weaponry and advanced defenses, making Gaunt Hunters unnecessary there.
This starkly contrasted with the dire need for Gaunt Hunters in the smaller, more vulnerable towns.
Ideally, each small town would have around fifty Gaunt Hunters, a number intended to ensure adequate protection against the Gaunt threat. However, the reality was far grimmer. The inherent dangers and heavy responsibilities associated with the job dissuaded many from becoming Gaunt Hunters. The perilous nature of the work, combined with the constant threat of death, resulted in a severe shortage of recruits.
As a result, the numbers in many towns had dwindled alarmingly.
"Only ten?" she repeated her voice barely above a whisper. "That's... alarming… What happens if more Gaunts come?"
"We do our best," Finn said, trying to sound confident. "But it's tough… Every day, we’re stretched thinner,"
Ms. Tori took a deep breath, trying to process the gravity of the situation.
Finn felt a lump in his throat. "I promise, Ms. Tori. I'll do everything I can to stay safe," he said, trying to remind her if his promise mere moments ago.
Ms. Tori wanted to argue with Finn's comment, but deep down, she knew he was somewhat right. The town was struggling—trade had slowed to a trickle, and many residents had moved away. The constant threat of Gaunt attacks made living there increasingly untenable. Even Ms. Tori had considered leaving to ensure Eric’s safety and to give him a chance to grow up in a more stable environment where he could interact with other children and experience the broader world.
However, she couldn’t bring herself to leave.
Her late husband was buried in this town, and even though years had passed since his death, she felt tied to the place where he rested. She had loved this town deeply, and in a way, staying felt like keeping a part of him alive.
Seeing the conflict in her eyes, Finn decided to change the subject. "Hey, why don't I come over for dinner?" he suggested with a soft smile. "I'm sure Eric would be happy to see me after so long,”
Ms. Tori was pulled out of her thoughts by his offer. She smiled, grateful for his willingness to spend his rare day off with them. "That would be lovely, Finn," she said with a quick nod.
They walked together to Ms. Tori's home, a modest three-bedroom house with a large attic. Inside, they found Eric sitting in front of the TV, watching cartoons. Hearing Finn’s voice, Eric turned, his face lighting up with excitement. He jumped out of his seat and ran to give Finn a hug.
Eric was about 11 years old, with brown hair like his deceased father but hazel eyes like his mother. He was wearing a dark black and blue striped shirt, dark gray pants, and black slip-on shoes.
Finn hugged him back, smiling. "I've got some stories to tell over dinner," he said, which made Eric's eyes sparkle with anticipation.
He loved hearing about the world beyond their town, even if it was mostly filled with woods and the ruins of an old world.
Finn then followed Ms. Tori into the kitchen to help prepare dinner. He found what he could and handed the items to her, glad to be of assistance. Ms. Tori thanked him and asked if he could help chop vegetables, which he was more than happy to do.
As they worked side by side, Ms. Tori glanced at Finn, her expression a mix of gratitude and concern. "You know, Finn, this town means a lot to me,” she told him “It’s where I built my life with my husband, and it’s where I want Eric to grow up, despite everything,"
Finn nodded, understanding the deep attachment she had. "I get it, Ms. Tori. This place has a lot of memories, and as long as I'm here, I'll do my best to keep it safe for you and Eric,"
Ms. Tori smiled warmly. "I know you will, Finn... Thank you,”
Dinner was a warm, lively affair. Eric listened intently to Finn’s stories, hanging on every word. The laughter and conversation filled the small home, creating a moment of normalcy amidst the chaos of their world. For a brief time, the threats outside seemed distant, and they enjoyed the simple pleasure of being together.
After a few bites, Eric looked at Finn eagerly. "Can you tell me one of your stories, Finn?" he asked, his eyes bright with anticipation.
Finn nodded, swallowing a mouthful of food. "Well, a couple of days ago, I was out with two or three other Hunters, we had just finished fighting off a few Gaunts, once they were dealt with, we decided to explore the area since it was the site of an old abandoned amusement park,” he began. “Some of the rides were still standing, though most were broken and destroyed, it was interesting to see the tech they used to have back then," Finn recounted.
Eric's eyes widened with excitement. "Wow! That's awesome!" he exclaimed.
Finn grinned. "It was pretty cool, but it’s nothing compared to some of the parks I saw in Salton Lake City! Those places are amazing,"
Eric's eyes gleamed at the mention of the nearby city. "Man, I want to go there someday!" he said enthusiastically. "Maybe when I start my training to be a Gaunt Hunter," he added with a big smile.
Finn chuckled. "So, you want to be a Gaunt Hunter, huh?" he asked. "You think you’ve got what it takes?"
Eric nodded vigorously. "Uh-huh! I know I can be a Gaunt Hunter! I bet I can even be better than you!" he declared, pointing at Finn.
Finn raised an eyebrow, amused. "Oh really?" he said. "Who's to say I'm not the best of the best, huh?"
Eric gave him a smug smirk. "Because if you were the best Hunter, you'd have already gotten rid of all the Gaunts!" he said confidently.
Finn chuckled. "Well, you got me there," he admitted. "But hey, if you think you can be the best and get rid of all the Gaunts, then I say go for it, dude."
Eric chuckled and resumed eating, his enthusiasm undimmed. Ms. Tori watched the two with a fond smile, marveling at the brotherly bond between them. It warmed her heart to see how close they had become. She knew that Finn cherished this connection just as much as Eric did, especially since Finn had grown up without a family of his own, raised in the local orphanage.
She recalled those early days when a young Finn would walk into the bakery, clutching a few coins. His eyes would light up with wonder at the sight of the treats and goodies lining the shelves. Something about him had touched her heart, and she began offering him free treats for him and the other orphans whenever he visited. Her late husband had also taken a liking to Finn, treating him like the son they never had. When Finn decided to become a Gaunt Hunter, it was her husband who had helped him prepare for the rigorous training, getting him into shape and offering constant encouragement.
After her husband's death, it was Finn who helped her grieve and find the strength to carry on. She had felt terrible about leaning on him during such a hard time, knowing he had his own sadness to deal with, yet he remained steadfast and strong. He had been there for her and for Eric, helping the young boy understand their loss and navigate the difficult times that followed.
She was truly grateful to have Finn in her life.
Suddenly, Finn's phone vibrated insistently in his pocket. He quickly reached for it and saw a text message from work. He opened it, dreading what it might say.
[~Finn, we need you tonight. Jon and Gary quit out of the blue, so we need someone to fill in.~]
Finn sighed, frustration bubbling up inside him. 'Great, now we're down to eight Hunters,' he thought. 'And Jon and Gary were both my age and in better shape than the veterans at the station.'
Ms. Tori noticed the change in his expression and knew immediately what it meant. "Does duty call, Finn?" she asked gently.
Finn nodded, his expression weary. "Yeah, looks like Jon and Gary quit. They need me to cover tonight."
Ms. Tori sighed, placing a comforting hand on his arm. "I'm sorry, Finn. I know how much you were looking forward to some time off."
"It's alright," Finn said, forcing a smile. "I knew it was a long shot anyway. The town needs all the help it can get."
Eric looked up, concern etched on his young face. "Do you have to go, Finn?"
Finn ruffled the boy's hair affectionately. "Yeah, buddy. Duty calls. But I'll be back, and we’ll have more stories to share. I promise."
Ms. Tori gave him a supportive nod. "Just promise us you'll stay safe, Finn."
"I will," Finn assured her. He stood up, preparing to leave. "Thanks for dinner, Ms. Tori. It was great, as always."
As he left the warm, comforting atmosphere of Ms. Tori's home and headed out into the cold night, Finn felt a renewed sense of purpose. Despite the exhaustion and the ever-present danger, he knew he had to keep fighting. For the town, for Eric, and for the memory of the man who had helped him become who he was.
Once at the station, Finn entered and immediately spotted Dick Cortez, a veteran Gaunt Hunter who had been safeguarding the town for as long as Finn could remember. Dick, now in his 50s, had graying hair, deep-set wrinkles, and perpetually tired eyes. He was wearing the standard-issue armor that all Gaunt Hunters received, though each Hunter was allowed to customize their armor with different colors and modifications.
Dick's armor consisted of a high-collar black shirt beneath a modified, pure black chest plate that covered his upper abdomen, along with similarly-colored bracers. Both the chest plate and bracers were trimmed with white and featured matching shoulder pads. He also wore gloves with small metal plating on the fingers, dark navy jeans, black and white metal knee pads, and dark brown boots.
Dick noticed Finn and offered a small smile. "Heya, Finn," he greeted.
"Hey yourself, Dick," Finn replied with a nod.
"Sorry about having to bring you in on your day off," Dick said, his tone genuinely apologetic.
Finn walked over to his locker, where his armor and weapons were stored. He glanced at Dick and shrugged, giving a small smile. "It's alright, Dick. I understand why, and I'm not angry—well, not at you, but at those two," Finn said, referring to Jon and Gary.
Dick nodded in understanding. "Trust me, I'm disappointed in them too, but I can see why they left so suddenly," he said.
Finn nodded back, opening his locker to reveal his armor. His armor was similar to Dick's but differed in color and the clothing underneath. Finn wore his usual attire beneath the armor, which consisted of a dark brown chest plate trimmed with black, matching bracers, shoulder pads, knee pads, and gloves.
He took the armor out and quickly dressed, securing the pieces in place. He then grabbed his Glock and its holster, strapping it around his waist, and added his machete in its sheath. Once fully suited up, he turned to Dick with a raised brow. "Which side of town am I patrolling tonight?"
"Outer wall, west side," Dick stated, his voice firm.
Finn nodded, mentally preparing himself for the task ahead. The west side of the outer wall was notorious for Gaunt activity, a hotspot for their attacks. It was going to be a long night.
As he headed out, Dick called after him, "Stay sharp out there, Finn. We can't afford to lose any more good Hunters."
Finn turned back and gave a resolute nod. "I will, Dick. See you in the morning."
Once outside the city, Finn couldn't help but take in the grim sight of the outer wall. It was marred with deep scratches and chips from relentless Gaunt attacks, stained with the dark green goo that dripped from their slavering mouths, and speckled with bloodstains that would never fully wash away. The stark contrast between this battered exterior and the inner walls of the town was striking. Inside, the walls were adorned with chalk drawings from children and vibrant murals from the town's artists. These cheerful images served as a reminder of what he was protecting, and why he had chosen to become a Gaunt Hunter in the first place.
Reaching the west side of the wall, Finn began his patrol, moving back and forth to ensure no Gaunts were attempting to scale the barrier. For now, the night was quiet, and he hoped it would remain that way.
As he walked his beat, his thoughts drifted back to dinner with Eric and the boy's enthusiastic declaration about becoming a Gaunt Hunter. While part of him felt honored by Eric's admiration, another part was deeply troubled. The life of a Hunter was dangerous and filled with horrors that no one should have to witness, let alone a young boy like Eric.
Finn's mind flashed back to a particularly gruesome memory from a past patrol. He and another Hunter had been called to assist in repelling a large pack of Gaunts. They had rushed to the scene, only to find their comrades dead, slaughtered in horrific ways. One Hunter's skull had been cracked open, with Gaunts eating from it as if it were a bowl of grapes. Another Hunter, still alive, was being disemboweled and devoured. Finn could never forget the man's agonized expression as he watched his own entrails being torn apart and consumed. The sight had been so revolting that Finn had vomited on the spot, paralyzed by shock until his partner snapped him back to reality.
Then there were the stories he had heard from veterans like Dick. Dick once recounted an incident where a Hunter had been speared to death by multiple Gaunts. They hadn't even eaten him; they had just impaled him repeatedly, leaving his body to rot in the woods for days. Such tales highlighted the Gaunts' malevolence and complete lack of empathy.
Finn shuddered at the memories. He didn't want Eric to face such nightmares. The boy was full of life and potential, and Finn couldn't bear the thought of him enduring the same horrors he had.
Since that harrowing incident and the chilling story Dick had shared, Finn had sworn to himself that he wouldn't meet a similar fate. He vowed to go out fighting, to not end up like those other hunters. He couldn't bear the thought of becoming another victim, especially after what happened to his sister.
The sudden howl nearby jolted Finn out of his grim thoughts. The sound was close—too close. Instantly alert, he scanned his surroundings. Just then, something whizzed past his face, slicing his cheek. He turned to see a makeshift arrow embedded in the wall. Spinning back around, his heart sank as he saw ten Gaunts emerging from the tree line.
"Shit!" Finn cursed, his eyes widening in horror. This was a dire situation. He quickly drew his Glock and aimed at the advancing creatures. Before he could fire, a sharp pain seared through his left side. He glanced down to see a small dagger lodged in his torso.
'What the hell?' Finn thought, bewildered. 'Did one of the Gaunts throw this?'
"Sorry, but it's nothing personal," a strange voice echoed through the darkness.
Finn's gaze snapped forward, and he saw a figure emerging from the shadows. They wore a long black cloak that seemed to envelop them completely, giving the eerie impression that they were gliding across the ground rather than walking.
The figure approached him, their face obscured by the cloak's hood. "My, you are a handsome young man," they purred in a sultry tone. "Such a fucking shame that my babies must eat. We've been on the run, and they haven't had a chance to rest and eat until we saw you." They giggled, a chilling sound that sent shivers down Finn's spine.
Fear gripped Finn, but he managed to look up at the cloaked figure with a raised brow. "W-Who are you?" he stammered, his voice wavering.
The figure tilted their head slightly as if amused by his question. "Who am I?" they echoed. "I am their mother, their caretaker. I ensure they survive, even if it means feeding them humans like you." The figure leaned closer, and Finn could just make out a twisted smile beneath the hood.
Finn's mind raced. He needed to think of a way out, and fast. The Gaunts were closing in, and he was injured and at a severe disadvantage. Summoning his remaining strength, he clutched his Glock tighter and tried to steady his breath. He couldn't let this be the end.
The figure's giggle echoed eerily through the night, sending a shiver down Finn's spine. "Oh! Now I'm regretting stabbing you," they remarked with a twisted amusement. "It's not every day a handsome young man asks me my name, you know? Most prefer a no-name policy." Their tone was cryptic, and Finn couldn't shake the feeling of unease that settled in his gut. "While I would love to give you my name in far better circumstances, I'm afraid I don't have the time," they continued, their words dripping with urgency. "As I said, we're on the run from a rather unpleasant girl."
Finn's confusion only deepened. The figure's response didn't provide any clarity, leaving him even more perplexed. As the figure began to back away, Finn's eyes widened in shock as the Gaunts beside them moved in unison. ‘She can... control them!?’ he realized, disbelief washing over him.
"Go ahead, babies... EAT!" the figure commanded, her voice chillingly calm.
With a sickening lurch in his stomach, Finn watched as the Gaunts surged forward, their hunger palpable in the air. Determination surged within him, driving him to fight against the odds stacked against him. Ignoring the searing pain from his wound, he raised his gun and fired at the approaching Gaunts. Despite his efforts, only one was hit, and even then, it didn't slow down.
Finn gritted his teeth, preparing for the inevitable close-quarter battle with the monsters. "Come on!" he growled defiantly. "I'm right here!"
The Gaunts closed in, their predatory instincts driving them forward. Just as they leaped toward him, ready to strike, something unexpected occurred.
Thorny vines erupted from the ground, snaking around the Gaunts with incredible speed. Finn's eyes widened in astonishment as the vines ensnared the creatures, halting their advance. The vines twisted and contorted, slamming the Gaunts into the ground with brutal force, tearing at their flesh and rendering them helpless.
" Damn! How did that bitch already find us!?" the figure exclaimed, frustration evident in their voice.
Finn's gaze followed the figure's gaze as a new figure emerged from the shadows.
Her appearance was striking, to say the least. With a spiky red Mohawk and piercing red eyes devoid of any white, she exuded an aura of fierce determination. Smudged mascara framed her intense gaze, adding to her wild and untamed appearance. Her lips were painted black, a stark contrast to her fiery red hair and eyes. Clad in a black leather crop top vest that accentuated her slim, athletic frame, she exuded an air of defiance. Arm bands encircled her wrists and biceps, resembling the wraps worn by boxers, hinting at her combat prowess. Around her neck, she wore a large choker, adding to her rebellious demeanor. Her attire was completed by tight leather pants and high-heeled platform boots, giving her an imposing presence.
"Found you, ya freaking cunt!" she spat, her voice laced with venom.
The cloaked figure retreated, increasing the distance between them and the girl. "Ugh, don't you ever give up?" they retorted, their tone tinged with irritation.
The girl leveled a fierce glare at the figure. "After the shit you've done!? I ain't letting you go!" she declared, her voice dripping with disdain.
The figure let out a mocking giggle. "Is that so?" they taunted, gesturing toward Finn who lay wounded on the ground. "Not even to save his life?"
The girl's gaze shifted to Finn, her expression softening momentarily as she registered his injuries. Before she could react, a shrill howl pierced the air, drawing their attention back to the figure.
"What the hell did you do!?" the girl demanded, her voice trembling with rage.
"Oh, just called in a few friends over for dinner," the figure replied casually.
"You bitch!" the girl seethed.
With a swift motion, she thrust her hand forward, summoning a massive vine with thorns protruding from its surface. The vine lunged toward the figure, but they evaded the attack with agile grace, darting away through the forest.
"Have fun~!" they taunted, their laughter echoing through the trees as they disappeared into the darkness.
Driven by determination, the girl pursued the figure, her footsteps echoing through the forest. However, her path was suddenly obstructed as a horde of Gaunts emerged from the shadows, blocking her way with menacing snarls and bared teeth.
"Get out of my way!" the girl cried, her voice ringing with determination.
In an instant, a smaller thorned vine shot out of the ground with startling speed, piercing through the approaching Gaunts like a bullet. Lifted into the air by the force of the vine, the creatures were hurled aside, crashing into trees with bone-crushing force.
As more Gaunts emerged from the shadows behind her, four shots echoed through the air. Finn's aim was true, striking the advancing Gaunts and causing them to writhe in agony as they fell to the ground. The girl glanced back to see Finn's timely intervention, offering a silent nod of acknowledgment before focusing her attention back on the remaining threats. Summoning more vines, she ensnared the creatures, tearing them apart with ruthless efficiency.
Satisfied that the immediate danger had passed, the girl turned back towards Finn, who was now sitting against the wall, applying pressure to his wound.
Bending down beside him, the girl flashed a smile, revealing sharp triangular teeth reminiscent of a shark. "Nice shooting there, dude. Really saved my ass back there," she remarked.
Finn managed a weak chuckle. "I should be thanking you. If you hadn't shown up, I'd be Gaunt food," he admitted.
"Let's call it even, then, eh?" she suggested. "What's your name?" she inquired.
Finn met her gaze, taking a moment to catch his breath before responding. "Finn, Finn Tresscoat," he introduced himself. Curiosity burning in his eyes, he posed a question in return. "Who are you? No... What are you?" he asked, unable to shake off the mystery surrounding her.
The girl maintained her enigmatic smile, meeting his gaze with her striking red eyes. "The name's Rachel Rose," she revealed. "As for what I am, well... I can answer that once you're all patched up," she added cryptically.
Summoning another vine, Rachel gently lifted Finn to his feet, supporting him as they began to make their way back towards town. With each step, Finn's mind buzzed with questions, the mysteries surrounding Rachel and her abilities swirling in his thoughts. Who was the cloaked figure? How did they control the Gaunts? And most pressing of all, who—or what—was Rachel, and how was she able to command those vines with such ease?
As they walked back toward town, Finn couldn't help but feel the weight of exhaustion settle upon him, both physically and mentally. His thoughts swirled with questions about the events that had just transpired—about Rachel, the cloaked figure, and the unsettling abilities they both possessed. Yet, amidst the chaos of his mind, one pressing question emerged, demanding attention above all else.
'When the hell am I gonna get another day off? Because I can sure as hell use it right now...!' Finn thought to himself, his weariness palpable.
Rachel, walking beside him, seemed to sense his inner turmoil. Casting him a sidelong glance, she offered a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, Finn. You'll have your chance to rest soon," she assured him, her voice carrying a note of empathy.
Finn managed a weary smile in return, grateful for the reassurance. Despite the gravity of their situation, her words offered a glimmer of hope amidst the uncertainty that loomed over them…

Hi there,
Please brace yourself, this is going to be a long one and I'm going to try and be as objective and as eloquent as I possibly can. P.S I've never used Reddit before but have seen these type of content reshared on YouTube.
Alright. Let's go! So, my husband and I dated 8 years ago, and 2 years ago we decided to get married. For the story's sake, let's call him Dennis (31). Dennis was from a different country and we are the same race of people (different nationalities). He is the love of my life, I love him dearly - he is everything little me dreamed out, he's... im tearing up just thinking about how much I love him, there are no words to describe.
Now, Dennis parents rarely visited when we were dating, most of the getting to know my in-laws/introduction to the fam happened online and I don't know why I didn't see the things clearer (probably jacked up on love) that I brushed things off.
I made it clear, from our third date to Dennis that I don't want kids, never wanted them and its not something I'm going to change my mind on. I wanted him to know this from the get-go so we don't hit roadblocks and him trying to persuade me... yada yada yada. He eventually told me that the more thoughts he "thunked" on this subject, the more it made sense to not have kids and so, great! We started dating and the rest was history.
Now, about 6 years in, I went on a vacation with his family cause' well, I wanted to know them better and on Christmas Day, Dennis's father, we'll call him Tom (Ancient), sat me down in front of his 2 brothers and wife and told me how disappointment he was in me that I was not going to have kids. He then followed it up with and I'm quoting "A woman's duty is to have kids...." I blocked the rest out because I was TRAUMATIZED by these words. His family also weren't vaccinated (anti-vax) and everyone ended up getting Covid. I have Asthma (like rushed into the ICU twice and put on a ventilator bad) and though Dennis and I were vaccinated, the others weren't.
This trip ended up being one of the major hurdles both Dennis and I had to navigate through because he did not say anything, he didn't stand up for me, he basically didn't do anything. Though, he told me to not let he's father's words affect me cause who cares what he thinks and that at the end of the day it was our lives, he said and I quote "It's word fodder, tune it out" but I couldn't let it go and my view was that I was not close enough to his dad for him to be talking to me about my reproductive organs/purpose. We took a mini break but got back together with Dennis agreeing to be more aware and present when he's father pulls another one of this episodes.
Fast forward to current day - my younger sister and Dennis younger brother got together during our wedding (A whole nuanced convo for another day) and I was pissed because we were really going through a tough time financially and this mini wedding was supposed to be something nice for the both of us. My in-laws attended the wedding and added so many decorations on top of the ones Dennis and I had, my MIL put fairy lights on the tables and they had 2 huge flags of the country Dennis was from and we didn't see any of this because we were getting ready. Even during the ceremony when it was time for one of my cousin to give her speech, they hijacked the whole thing by doing some ceremony of their own. I decided to let it go because... well, Dennis and I were both so fucking tired. My wedding day was the saddest day of my life. When I look back, I cannot recall a single happy memory - I know they are there but I just... I can't look past what they did, ya know?
Anyway, 2 days after the wedding, my in laws threw a dinner for Dennis and I, we attended and Tom starts expressing his grievances as to his experience at our wedding and starts telling me that I need to start distancing myself from my family because I have now become a part of theirs - I told him no, although I am a part of his family, I will NEVER ever stop being involved in mine (I'm the oldest sister). He then proceeded to call me "damaged" because I was raised in a broken family because my parents are separated. Dennis stepped in and he quickly got shut down with Tom yelling verbal abuse at him. By then, even I knew it was time to shut our pie holes and live to fight another day.
Fast forward to present day, we have both moved to a different country and are thriving. We've never been more financially stable (I got my dream job...pinch me!), we go on coffee dates, life is good except... except for when Tom comes over to stay. He comes over twice a month and is constantly talking about masculinity and femininity and how we ought to implement it in our lives. One time, Dennis tried to stop him and Tom almost got physically abusive so I decided that instead of hiding behind my husband, I shall speak and let him know exactly what I was thinking. The next time he came over, he started talking about the same thing, imagine someone regurgitating podcast bro word vomit over and over again on an endless echo chamber? Yeah - the same talking points! So i told him that he is free to implement whatever he wants in his household but in ours, we do things differently. Tom asked me to explain and I did and he called Dennis a "simp". Dennis was not in the vicinity of the conversation at the time.
Oh yeah, one time when he came to visit, I went to the gym and I was on the treadmill doing 12-3-30 and fighting for my life when Tom decided to jump on the back of the treadmill to startle me. I had my fist rounded to punch him but stopped when I realized who it was. Slight detour, could someone explain to me what thought process goes through one's brain before deciding to jump someone?
Jokes aside, the last weekend, my sister called Dennis to mediate a fight she'd been having with my Brother-in-law. I didn't want to be a part of it but eavesdropped anyway - their fight was about my brother-in-law not feeling like he's doing feminine work when he cleans the house etc and he blamed my sister for being career driven, he said it was too masculine. Dennis in his infinite patience was trying to mediate the dumpsterfire (god bless him) but it all come to a close when brother-in law told my sister "no man is ever going to love you if you're this masculine". She immediately hung up (so proud!)
Now, she wants to break up with him but he refuses to answer her call.
Fast forward to the present day, Tom constantly shares videos to the family whatsapp group about men silencing women and how feminism is bad, blah, blah, blah... and how birth rates are falling. It's a constant thing. I've. muted and archived the family group (You gotta love technology).
Tom has also recently wrote a book on the importance of being a dad and the role a man should play within the family dynamic. It's horrendous! I read the draft and it was like watching a dead animal being plowed through miles and miles of tar. I'm not just talking about his ideologies, I'm talking about his writing style. It sounded very similar to my diary entries when I was 9 (I might come off as a little standoff-ish but I assure you, I am of quite intelligent).
Between being called "damaged", my wedding day, verbal abuse inflicted on my sister and being jumped on the treadmill (Look at that, I too do have infinite patience) I decided it was time to instead of putting band-aids on a burning fire to find a permanent solution to end this once and for all. I told Dennis that he is free to fly back to visit his parents whenever he wants to and on special occasions but I don't think I can at least for now. I told him about how I don't feel safe around Tom and his brothers and their ideologies and i implored him to understand, he gave me a huge hug and said he does and he will never force me to spend our hard earned savings and time and energy on something I don't want (What a catch!). I can't help but feel guilty because well, Dennis grew up around his family and though he spent more time in my country surrounded by my family, his family is still his. Will this create a rift in our marriage? Is this how resentment starts? I want nothing more than to see my husband laugh his heart out, and experience life for all the wonderful things it is. I have to know if he's not going to be thinking of his family and how he misses them and wants to be with them, etc. So, reddit, AITA?
For some more context, I grew up in a fairly progressive neighborhood and hosuehold. Ngl, I grew up extremely privileged and my dad often sent us to summer camps through the British Council to expand our worldview. At home, we often engaged in fierce debates around religion, worldview, politics and drugs. Hint, my dad is actually a fan of legalizing it. :) My parents eventually separated as most of ours do but I don't think we are "damaged" because of it. <3
There, I hope there is enough context.

Entrepreneurship well I like to say it's about the idea and passion for it and so on but it only possible first by being about stone cold business first. How you a re going to make money and get paid. And doing the simple and obvious steps you should do for profit and so on. Because business is business.
If the idea you have does not generate business of any kind it's a worthless idea to investors and therefore shareholders therefore you as well, being the sole shareholder or owner of your precious business idea.
I think the closest word to describe being business oriented is execution is the how when what who of things. Not simply business goals. Such as I want to change the world! But how?
But I'm that episode it was painful to watch because they laughed at the guy, but he did make obvious mistake because he overlooked clear ways to make profit that he should of already been doing but instead he didn't make any money yet except for the kick starter he did.
Point is maybe really dont have to be smart to do business, you need to simply know what business is and do that as a at to your ability.
Thinking about this, a good business is one that makes money with least amount of input from my perspective as the owner.
Because my time is valuable to me, I want it to be so and it so because I'm the CEO or the owner and the CEO works for me, so that means pay for other people time and so on
Point I'm seeing how to roleplay and get them mindset of business person. Instead of just like having anxiety of will a operation fail or not.
I need it to fail to know if the business is going to be good business. If performs at any level and gets even a $1 profit, then I can be like how to generate $2 in profits or $100 etc.
So I'm going to go to sleep and wake up as a business man, by that I mean, emotional weight out of the decision process. And I'm doing the work I do won't be as scary or whatever which is causing me to procrastinate actually. .
So I really want to be able to wake up and make $1 through my own means. Not a job.

Summary: Your childhood friend has returned to apologize for disappearing without saying goodbye. You have a note that you wanted to give them before they left.

• Ok to monetize

This is my first ever attempt at writing something like this. It's very short, about 550 words.
Feedback is welcome since I am still learning how this creative process works. I can’t really say that it’s finished. I know it says completed scripts but I am unsure.
Script Start
(Typical thunderous rain outside and a knock on the door, door opens)
Hey,
Thanks for waiting…I know it's been an hour since I called and 10 years since…well you know.
I am sorry it's been so long. Can I have a hug?
(hug pull back examining) Wow look at you all grown up!
I'm not crying…you're crying!
But seriously it's been forever. And it's great to see you again
—(asks to take your coat and come in)
Sure yeah thank you…the rain really wouldn’t let up.
It's been like this for weeks now. I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to it.
—( door close sfx, listener offers hot chocolate)
I would love some hot chocolate thank you.
—(walk a few steps to the kitchen, it’s an apartment, background of cups and pouring, small torch sfx, walking steps toward speaker, hands cup to speaker)
Ah, thank you, after being in the rain… this is the perfect treat.
You’ve always been so perfect…well to me at least.
Almost too perfect actually. *sip*
Ahhh this is the best cup of hot chocolate I’ve ever had.
I bet there are so many best things about you I missed out on. *sip*
Even the marshmallows are lightly toasted, how cool *sip*
Like…what did you do after school?
...
Mmhmm
…oh… *sip*
hahaha no way!....I never would have guessed. *sip*
Did you finally play that cool game you always talked about?
With the character who has cyberware and rides a badass motorcycle…gosh I can’t remember the name…
Which is why I have felt so guilty about leaving you out of my life for so many years.
It’s not as if you did anything wrong.
I just felt…working on myself…was not worth the support of friendship.
It's selfish of me to think that, because of how patient you are. *sip*
I really couldn’t tell you how many times you were willing to help me but I refused.
If only I could relive those days with memories of you…
that would have made this healing process better. *sip*
Like… more rainy days drinking this amazing hot chocolate with you.
—(listener says a kind gesture)
A friendship like ours never goes out of style?
Did you just make that up? Hahahaha
See, this is what I knew I was missing.
Thanks for the Great hot chocolate by the way.
…
Oh...haha I did? Well it's so nice I had to thank you twice.
Is there a secret to your amazing drink?
—(listener tells secret)
Oh you melted milk chocolate chips into it…mmm delicious.
Your talents still have no bounds…that's awesome. (laughs)
Although, I don’t miss your talent for kicking my but during game nights haha
Gosh I missed you.
And I am so so sorry.
(crying a little)
You had a note you wanted to give me?
---paper rustle from note passed to speaker--
You want me to read it…now?
...
ok…
Don't give up on forgiveness.
Forgive yourself
Forgive others
Grant yourself this one kindness.
You are loved and liked and wonderfully made.
Thank you for being my friend.
(speaker puts cup down goes for a long grateful hug)
—listens to the rain a bit and fade out—
END

Just wanted to share our experiences post 2 MMC (1st in January, 2nd in April). For both, I found out around 8-9 weeks that fetus had stopped growing and had no heartbeat around 7 weeks. The second pregnancy, we did a few Hcg level blood tests and progesterone also (everything looked perfect on those!) and we had an early US at 6.5 weeks and saw the heartbeat. That second US at 9 weeks (where there was no heartbeat) was a gut punch😣😖 I had D & C procedures for both.
For the second procedure, my very supportive and understanding OB (she has had 2 mcs herself and has 2 kids) encouraged genetic testing of the fetal tissue (“products of conception”). It was sent to a lab and took about 2.5 weeks for her to receive results. It was Trisomy 15 (extra chromosome on number 15, incompatible with life).
The next step was genetic counseling. As hard as this all has been, I know obtaining as much information as possible is helpful for our future. I know I want to have children and do all I can to make it happen. I am 39 (F) and my partner is 33 (M). We met a year ago and we both are both so hopeful we can have children. IVF is not an avenue that we can realistically afford, so I’m just hoping we can do this naturally. I have learned so much in these past 6 months. I didn’t know how ovulation worked or anything 6 months ago. I certainly didn’t know what a “missed” miscarriage was! Jeez… I wish I could go back sometimes. I know you all feel me on that. I’m SO thankful for this sub and for the wealth of knowledge, support, and advice. This has been the most difficult period of my life.
For the genetic counseling appointment, it was at a fetal diagnostic center, so lots of pregnant people around the office and babies😕 I filled out some paperwork about my pregnancies, etc. We both went in the room to meet with the counselor. He asked us all about our families and basically made a family tree with all of our information. We were asked info going back to grandparents and all the way out to cousins. Any pregnancy losses, health conditions, genetic conditions or congenital conditions. For example, I have a cousin with a hole in her heart. My partner’s grandmother had a stillbirth. My grandmother also had one. I also knew about one of my auntie’s miscarriages. Of course we don’t know everything, but we shared what we knew.
He said, based on all of this information, it’s unlikely that we are carrying anything that is causing chromosomal abnormalities. A balanced translocation is highly unlikely. These are rare and I had read about them previously. He estimated based on our backgrounds, family history, and age that there’s a 3% chance (1 in 29) that this could happen again (a mc due to chromosomal abnormality). He also shared that insurance can be tough when doing genetic testing (actually sending our DNA to a lab) and that based on our backgrounds it’s highly unlikely anything is going on there. Maternal age is definitely a factor.
Overall, I feel good having this information. I have been taking supplements like COQ10 since my first mc in January and trying to do all the things I can. It will be a risk getting pregnant again. I do have a lot of fear around getting excited again. I almost think that next time, I might just wait until 8-9 weeks to go for an US. I don’t know if doing all the Hcg testing before is helpful as I’ve learned that things can still happen after seeing Hcg rise and even after seeing the heartbeat. I’ll make another post about that.
Tysm for reading! Sending love and hope to everyone out there in this mc club. It sucks. So thankful for all of you. I hope this helps someone.
TL;DR Read paragraph 4 & 5 for info specific abt genetic counseling appt. experience :)

We are all familiar with prating gratitude. It is an overly used concept that many times can turn int o a form of “toxic positivity” and this is far from what I want to do here. What is to be grateful anything?
I believe it is a feeling in a warm tan color in my chest, that makes me smile and think “I am happy I am here to see/experience this.” Maybe it is a religious experience to you, maybe you feel like thanking God or the universe for the opportunity to be here right now.
Another interesting thing is, you don’t have to feel grateful about big life changing experiences only, sometimes I am just grateful for McDonald’s, or for my cat, my friends and family for being there for me. Some days I’m grateful for having to strength to take a shower or drinking a glass of water. You can be grateful about anything.
Practicing gratitude helps us guide our minds into a more positive way of thinking. It doesn’t mean you can’t complain (I love complaining lol) but it helps us thinking about the good things we are actually able to experience.
If this seems too hard for you right, try to modify it to fit your needs: try to write down one complain you have about your day, and battle it with one or two that you feel grateful or happy for. We are all in different stages of our journey. You’re loved and respected, and your feelings are valid.
Now tell me, what are you grateful for today? What are you complain you want to battle with a good thought?

I’m doing research right now on WTF care and all the enclosure set ups i’ve seen are bioactive. My plan is to wait for the frog to grow and save up the money to do a bioactive set up correctly and make it look good. So for right now i’m trying to find good setups that aren’t bioactive and I haven’t really seen anybody show a non-bioactive set up.
My main question here is what would be the best substrate for a non bioactive enclosure? I’ve looked into Josh’s frogs non bioactive kits but I don’t really like the way the foam looks. I know it won’t be a permanent set up but I do want it to look nice still. I’ve also read a lot of conflicting information about substrates. I’ve read that eco earth is good but some people have said eco earth can accumulate a lot of mold and has to be replaced frequently. I’d be concerned though if that would cause too much stress on the frog.
I’m also looking for any advice you could give me in general about a non bioactive set up and please show pictures too if you have some.
TLDR: What’s the best substrate for a non bioactive whites tree frog enclosure? Any advice for the set up process? Please send pictures if you have any.

I have autism and I think my dad does too. On special occasions and big days he always is very grumpy, like when we were young, going out for picnics or going to a museum, he would walk very far ahead and try rush the day along, on Christmas, he would never get up to open presents, wouldn’t like to open his presents infront of us, he never thanked us and the presents never seemed good enough for him, he would finish Christmas dinner before us, sit far away and wash up before anybody was done, he started the hoover and tried to get my mam away from us to do chores for the horses. He always complains if he has to go out for dinner, he complained at my brothers graduation and even insulted my mothers weight at her college ceremony.
He also never wants to come on family holiday (which is fine) or when he does, he doesnt like to participate in thinhs that we do.
Is this a sign of autism or something else? i dont need to be told to cut him off or whatever, because thats not happening, i just want to know what this is and how to help the issue.
Could it be something to do with his being anxious something will go wrong, so he just ruins it himself to be in control? Can anybody relate?

New here ✋🏼Thanks to this community I have started seeing results, the tips, the motivation, will keep it up to monitor progress. Have a wedding to attend in July as MOH so want to look my best. ☺️
Posting to continuously keep myself accountable, but also to share my experience so far so other PP moms out there can have some reference as I myself did a lot of search here to find good references to get started.
*Disclaimer: this is specific to my body and I find it’s working well without impacting my supply after a slow decrease in CI and choosing better food source, baby’s height and weight are at > 99 percentile consistently, so grow has not been impacted, please use my experience as reference only, I was very fit pre-pregnancy and worked out throughout so I did retain a good amount of muscle to restart. This amount of calories may impact your supply so please please rigorously monitor your supply, baby’s growth, talk to a dietitian or professional.
Stats: Starting weight of when I started to take things seriously: 140lbs Current weight: 136lbs Current Body fat (US Navy Method): 26.9% NSV: 1) Mommy pouch is reduced 2) fit into some of my old clothes 3) back into the unassisted pull up games Height: 5’4 PP: 2 month Postpartum
What I am following:
Calorie intake: 1500 on rest day 1700 on active day Formal Exercise: Deep core exercises + Zone2 30min treadmill inclined walk + Weight training (Upper, Lower, Full body split), 6 days a week, done mostly at home except for Z2 cardio Informal Exercise: my baby doesn’t do well napping on the go but I try to get in as many steps as possible, ranging between 3000-6000 only at the moment, hoping to increase
I always loved exercising so motivation to get moving hasn’t been an issue, three major changes I made though that finally gave me the result:

1. I kind of ditched HIIT because it makes me very hungry afterwards since it burns more carb than fat for fuel, doing once a week now VS. 4 in the past, since switching to inclined walk at zone 2 heart rate, I find myself feeling great, get a nice amount of steps and sweat in, and not hungry afterwards like I feel after HIIT. Nursing moms know how crazily hungry breastfeeding can make you feel. Z2 burns fat more efficiently. As your HR goes higher, your body draws more energy from carb than fat based on my understanding. I found Mike Diamond on YouTube and he changed my old perception of “intensity = result”.
   
2. Recently I set a new rule for myself - as long as it’s going into my month, I need to log it. I had to be honest with myself that in the past I often snack here and there, and don’t log because they are “insignificant” or I wanted to put my head in the sand. Now with my new rule, I still snack but I choose better options because I know I have to deal with the consequences of logging it and confronting my choices. I focus on low sodium, high protein, high fiber food. Getting 1g of protein per lb of my BW. I plan my food the day before and work my “not so healthy but I really wanna eat” food in there without compromising my protein and fiber goal, and of course, stay within the caloric goal.
   
3. Two points above play a big part in me stopping binging late at night as my hunger isn’t as crazy, I feel a major difference in hunger throughout the day when I do HIIT. And since I am taking logging seriously and not cheating myself, I switch to a cup of decaf tea after kids’ bedtime to curb my late night binging tendencies, which had always been my ultimate downfall.
   

Hope someone find this info helpful and just know even though nursing moms and postpartum moms are swimming upstream against hormonal changes, sleep deprivation, you too can do it!!

Long story short, we were stuck in traffic for hours on the way to my dads house, my truck decided to break and I needed it repaired the following day, and then I was meant to take a trip to the campground we go to every summer; and the entire time up at the campground my sister didn’t stop harassing me by asking what was wrong or if I was okay.
You may think that this was nice of her but no, it was every single time she walked from her campsite to mine (which my site is the main hangout for everyone, so let’s say every hour she would ask.) Every single time I’d tell her I’m fine, just relaxing but she didn’t believe me. So she ended up calling me after we were all already home, and mentioning it again but when I try to explain anything to her she interrupted me and went on a rant.
She kept making backhanded “compliments” by saying something along the lines of “Your a great mom but you’re not doing enough for kiddo.” I’m sorry that in the five minutes you came back to the camper you didn’t see me fully engaged with my child, but the hour or two you were gone I was walking with him, I was singing to him, I was signing to him, I was engaging with him. I’m sorry that I wanted everyone who doesn’t see him often to take him to play so they can too bond with him.
She has two kids, and they’re both typical children. I have a special needs child, who just learned to walk the week before so besides that he was extremely overwhelmed by the amount of people there, my kiddo needed downtime too where no one touched him and he had mama’s phone to watch ms rachel. She walked over every single time he needed that downtime, and she’d complain. She works with special needs kids (not actual kids, they’re all 18 - 21 years old) so she thinks she knows everything there is to know about them. Which might be true, but she doesn’t know how to raise them, just how to teach them. I think she saw that when she made my kid cry when he was overwhelmed, and she started singing to him.
I don’t know, let me parent my kid and she should parent her extremely wild 4 year old that she lets run around like a mad man. My 21 month old is scared of her 4 year old, and was trying to climb into his play pen to get away from him, and to feel safe.

I have had so many people halfway shaming me for expecting support from loved ones in this sub. To be clear, i haven’t expected responsibility from anyone else. Ever. Support and responsibility are two different things.
If i have willingly made a commitment to support someone in a specific way and I fail to do so, that is MY responsibility. It doesn’t mean i’m responsible for someone elses struggles, but if i fail to follow through with something i’ve promised to do, it is my responsibility that i have let someone down. Because I PUT that expectation there. Not them! There’s a clear difference between being responsible for someone’s disorder, and being responsible for their feelings in regards to an expectation you, yourself have set, that you aren’t following.
In my situation i have been very severely underweight and had absolutely terrible experiences with the healthcare system in my home country. Some here might immediately think i wasn’t «accepting the treatment» but this is incorrect. I’ve filed a big complaint through a secondary system where they have reviewed my case and confirmed i did in fact recieve horrible treatment.
So, my situation lately has been very difficult. I haven’t had a security net with a good psychologist and i’ve moved far away and are currently waiting to recieve help. In this process, to keep me from losing weight, my bf has offered to make meals for me as that is very hard for me. And somehow people in this sub are making me feel guilty for that? As if i’m not feeling guilty enough?

1. I DON’T enjoy someone else making food for me for this reason, i am actually very good at cooking and have enjoyed it a lot in the past.
2. I DON’T want to need someone else to help me with literally ANYTHING. If i could do everything myself, i would. And that IS my goal in regards to my ED. But i’m currently not there yet.
3. If someone cooking for me helps me eat, WHY is that a bad thing??? It’s not like it’s optimal or a long-term solution, but seriously, if it helps and makes someone who is severely underweight eat, WHY not?

We all struggle in different degrees and in different ways. One of my major struggles has been making myself the food i am gonna eat because i truly don’t feel like i deserve it. Crying and getting lots of anxiety trying to prepare a meal often has me so overwhelmed that the eating part is impossible. Doing this 4 times a day is so exhausting, and truly i don’t have a lot of energy saved in my body so being low on food and being so exhausted just feeds my ED even more. So having someone help with that part is honestly helping a lot, because all the other parts are tough enough to battle through.
I also just wanna say that, when someone is sick with depression, cancer, a broken leg etc… a major thing people can do to help them and support them is by bringing over food. Because it is exhausting to do stuff like that when you’re struggling. And with an ED you’re exhausted from struggling, and on top of that it’s food you’re struggling with…
So why does so many here think cooking for someone with an ED is bad and «something you should do yourself». I mean, I personally would have a much easier time making myself food if i only had a broken leg, or the flu, than an ED.
I think it’s very unfortunate to «support shame» people in this sub. What works for you may not work for others. And although independence is a goal in this disorder, you can’t expect people to just get there over night. People learn walking again after breaking their backs with their families holding them up on that journey. It doesn’t mean they are doing it «for them». It’s help and support and whatever works should be positive. If weight restoration is in most cases priority number 1 for being underweight with an ED (like literature says), then independence should be beneath that.
I wish there was more support to get from this sub when i’ve posted lately, but i feel worse after posting here because i get told i can’t expect anything from my loved ones with regards to my ED basically. I truly have never expected anyone to be responsible for my struggles. But if i got in an accident and couldn’t walk for 6 months, should i not expect my longterm bf to help me with daily stuff? Clearly not everything, but you really think you shouldn’t expect anything?? What even is love if there is no sacrifice. If you think i shouldn’t expect loved ones to help me in any way when i’m struggling and am unable to do something myself, it’s honestly just another way of saying i’m not worthy of someone else’s sacrifice.
And if you think that making food and eating it when you have an ED is «just a choice you gotta make», you are misinformed about what an ED really is. It is NOT a choice, and most people need professional help to get better. If you wanna go against literature, then fine. But save it for yourself only and don’t shame others here for being unable to make that choice.

I know this question has spawned million-dollar industries. And yet, I write here. I am a 35 year old Asian woman, grew up in a small town in India with lots of physical and emotional abuse from both my parents. Parents were ostracised from the society, especially by my mother's parents for class differences in my father's background and for 14 years, they did not see each other at all and actively tried to put my father behind bars initially. Both my parents had hand to mouth salaries and we were poor. My father used to beat up my mother and my mother took it all out on me. At times, my father did it too. My mother gave birth to my brother, who could barely survive for 5 minutes, as we could not afford good healthcare for her and the child, and he passed away. That broke us all, although we didn't realise the intensity of it then.
Cut to 2 years later-my sister was born and my parents' lives changed- father re-started his business after being laid off from his previous job and my mother became a good mother to my sister and "maternal grandparents" and my mother's family entered our lives. Things changed for my parents but not for me. I became my sisters babysitter, got treated like an adult more so than before at the age of around 7-8. The only way I could get my parents' love and not get beaten or abused was by being brilliant in academics. They did put a lot of their resources into my education. Losing 1 mark to the class- topper got me beration and humiliation, waking up my mother from her sleep by accidentally dropping something while playing, got me kicks and deep red marks on my back. At 13, I attempted suicide.
Since then, my mother did not raise her hand on me, but I was completely broken by then. I thought I had hit my rock bottom, but there was more to come. I went away from that jail-like environment at my parents' to pursue my studies and became quite reckless (at that time, I thought I was being rebellious). Started dating at 17- he was an abusive alcoholic boy. We were in a relationship for 8 years and used to hit each other and eventually broke up. I dated another person for another 4 years as a rebound to the previous one, my grades started coming down and by 25-26, I was lost in a maze. Picked up anything that my parents suggested or my peers did, I had no sense of what I wanted or what I did not want. My mother wanted me to be a professor, I had a government funded fellowship- which I left, probably just to get back at her and not do what she wanted me to.
My mother controlled everything about my life, including my body-how long my hair should be to what I should be wearing, how my body should look like, who I should date, how I should conduct myself like a lady but not too much- the appropriate amount (strangely, I still cannot fathom what is that level of appropriateness to her-anything I do seems to miss that mark). So I went from being an academic, to chopping my hair off, to trying out as a filmmaker- where I started everything from the scratch- networking, doing unpaid gigs to prove my worth, to gradually getting paid, and even doing a short-term course with my own money. This was only to realise in 2 years, that the filmmaking industry is not my thing. Btw, parents' emotional abuses, favouritism towards my sister (who I really loved then) and reminding me at every point that I am somehow worthless- kept on going. I got married at 31 to a person I was initially infatuated with and later started loving (yes, I am quite messy that way). He has his own baggages, but seems like a nice guy, who probably actually loves me (that's my trust level people- I can't trust my own instincts).
Thank you so much if you are still here and reading this, it means a lot to me.
2020: when I got married, I took a sabbatical from the job I was in. I was not happy doing it anyway-bad boss, low pay, and not something I liked doing. For the next 2 years, I was sinking into deep depression and realised I needed to work on myself. I got into therapy, changed therapists quite a bit, started meditating and was diagnosed with a mental health condition (misdiagnosed with Borderline personality disorder and generalized anxiety disorder). I was put on meds by a psychiatrist and I was heavily suicidal by then- so suicidal that I just couldn't shake the thought off.
I was still in contact with my parents then and every phone call (which were quite mechanically regular btw, esp with my mother, bode my deepest fears of feeling unsafe, being hurt, and how she did not love me. With my dad, it was about hearing how difficult his life is, money issues, health issues-never about genuinely asking me how I felt or how I was doing. Yes, technically that question was asked, but I could never say how sad I feel. Even if I did try at times, it was met with dismissal at best and humiliation at worst. My mother did not even bother to ask that question. She called me to dump her daily dose of gossip. I am not even exaggerating- she called her 4 sisters in circle everyday and exchange gossips with each other, mostly about her sis-in-law. This was the sisters' rituals too. The sisters have dumped her now. My mother was always estranged from her mother, who favoured her sisters (it's intergenerational).
So after a certain time-period, my mother has a new set of such people with whom she does this and it has become quite a regular phenomenon. It's strange for me now to even remember that she once used to write and love poetry. In the meanwhile, I started to see how my sister is a lot like my mother and as adults, we don't really align at all. My last straw came when I lost my father (metaphorically) in the process. I started to see how he was an enabler to everything all this while, if not the instigator (he was alcoholic when he frequently hit my mother for a good 15-20 years).
2021- after that 1 year of some inner work and perpetually asking what I want to do professionally, I got a hunch that I want to do something in mental health, especially trauma and suicidality (yes, right from my own backyard. I was quite surprised that it took me so long to realise this). I got into a mental health organization and did as many online mental health courses as I could. I wrote academic papers in mental health and got published too.
After 2 years in that organisation, I have now decided to go back to school at 35 to train as a psychologist. I will have to start from the scratch here and my husband is financing it entirely. I have also enrolled myself into a dance class. Dance used to be my first love as a child and a teenager. I had to leave it for my parents. They saw it as a barrier to me excelling in academics.
I have gone no-contact with my parents and sister since the past 3 months. I feel better that there is no one to torment me everyday, yet there is a lot of guilt for having to do this when they are growing old. But I know that if I let them in my life, I may actually end up in an abyss and they may eventually kill the last fight I have in me.
The problem is even after knowing what I want to do, I have long episodes of breakdown, where I can't seem to rebound. I am a chain smoker, cannot drink anymore after years of abuse, but quite messy with my health in general. I don't have discipline, quite disregulated with my emotions, have a massive fear of failures, have a lot of rage, grief, and most importantly, I don't love, or even know myself. I see my peers doing well at this age, some have even bought their own houses. And here I am - not even earning a penny. I know this comparison isn't helping at all, yet I can't seem to shake it off completely.
This is coupled with people (including my parents, which is why I cut them off) mocking my decision of wanting to restart my career. They like others, think I am wasting my time, money, resources and that I am basically a good-for-nothing wreck. But I know somewhere, I am not a wreck. I am broken, but I am trying to find my way out. And that in itself is not linear and tends to be messy.
After years of bawling, carrying that gut wrenching pain of feeling like a victim with no hope, I really feel I want to change now. I really do. I want to be a person who I can be. I want to start afresh. All I want to say is please help.
P.S. i should have been saying all this to my therapist (s), yet I am writing this here. I have not yet found anything groundbreaking with my therapists, which is why I am probably here. I can't thank you enough for reading this through.

Title says it all. I have no clue why some of my excel/word files are syncing to the cloud and others are not, my only thought is that Microsoft doesn’t care that I owned office prior to getting 365 so since I only bought Basic, maybe Microsoft isn’t giving me those features I desire? If I want the features of syncing across devices I need 365 Personal? Can someone confirm I’m not just doing something wrong with my sync/cloud settings or something?

Hullo, egg here. I'm not really sure how this will go, I haven't really done something like this before, so do bare with
Anyway. I have came to this subreddit to ask, does the reason that made me want to change, make me valid. (I hope that made sense)
What made me want to change you ask, I'll be completely honest, hot Furry art
I'll explain. I am a Furry (and to my sweet summer children who don't know what a "Furry" is, a Furry, to put it lightly, is a anthropomorphic animal and character enthusiasts) and the Furry community is rather art driven, so naturally I have a lot of art popping up on my feed
And being the Furry fandom, it won't take a lot digging before you can find art of a smexy wolf girl with more curves than the latest Ferrari supercar
Now each are their own, but I liked this sort of art. But after some time, whenever I saw that kind of art, it'd think: why can't I look like that? And before I knew it I, was starting to think about it daily
And thus I realised, I might be trans
The problem for me though, I feel like my motive was weird, all I did was look at Furry art. I haven't suffered like others, or longed it for many years. I feel like a fool.
Am I right feeling this way? or am I being harsh on myself again
But yeah, idk, sorry, I been going through so much and nothing all at once recently, I'm a confused mess with all the time in the world, yet I'm getting nothing done and going nowhere. It's really starting to get to me. I know this post is kinda long, but I've had a lot on my mind, so thank you for your time, it is much appreciated
P.S I'm not really a Reddit sort of guy, so sorry if it takes a few days for a reply

So my SM has a favorite employee. Employee has been with the company since November. They weaponize their incompetence so they can do the task they want. BRC will tell them to help stock and when they don’t feel like it, they disobey the chain of command and go straight to the SM and are told they can do what they want. I recently had my review with a manager and the SM. I was threatened by the SM saying they are going to call HR on me because the one employee said I’m mean to them. This same employee has also listened to conversations I’ve had with other employees, misconstrued them, and reported back to the manager. I’m not even allowed to plead my case, I’m immediately reprimanded for baseless claims. I talked to the OPS because my moral is really low. I’ve been told several times that I am a great worker and positive influence on everyone but my whole future with the company is on the line because of one employee. That employee and SM also talked about my domestic violence among themselves while several employees were in ear shot. The mental health awareness month meeting was basically the SM using everything I’m going through and saying “if you’re going through these things you need mental help”. Like, I really need my job and I like doing my job but my mental health is declining because I feel like she’s looking for something to fire me about. What do I do? The ethics line has failed me.

My cat is 19 and has benign cysts in her liver which can’t be operated on Bec of her age and low weight. For the past few weeks this has caused her to projectile vomit atleast once every week but the underlying issue can’t be fixed without surgery. She has also stopped grooming herself and can be aggressive when I try to brush or wash her, and has arthritis too. She spends most of her time sleeping and doesn’t play, the only time she shows any excitement is during feeding time. She also MAY have kidney issues but I can’t pay for the diagnosis rn. The thing is that I obviously can and want to care for her, but Im young and financially dependent on my parents and her vet and food costs have to be covered with my pocket money..it’s not that they can’t afford it(vets are very cheap in my country) it’s just that they don’t want to Bec they don’t think it’s worth it to treat her symptoms or put her on pain meds due to her age-they want me to put her down now even tho she seems fine besides the vomiting. I’ve considered putting her on prednisolone for her cysts but I would have to fight w them to pay for it. I have to beg them to give me a lil extra money for her vet visits and I’m sick of hearing their taunts abt me spending all my pocket money on her food. I’ve considered asking my brother for help w the costs since he lives in the US and the amount would be nothing to him due to the exchange rate, and he helps us pay for our electricity bills, but even if its just a matter of 20 dollars to him it still feels selfish since he has the same mindset as my parents. Another future problem is, I’ll be going abroad for uni in about 2 years and while I’m not even sure if my cat will be alive by then, it’s a possibility and I again may not be able to take her Bec they’re not willing to let me have my own place and want me to live in a dorm instead. And even if I do, I know I wont be able to afford the vet abroad especially since her age will cause her condition to get worse and worse. What do I do?? I’m sick of begging them to help me with my cat and I already have so many mental health issues and this is probably the main cause. My mental health(adhd, (social) anxiety and depression so I can’t manage studying and working at the same time) is also the reason I can’t get a job to pay for her costs, that and I have no skills. Am I a monster for sometimes agreeing w them deep down to put my poor girl down just to save myself the trouble, since it’s pain management treatment as there’s essentially no cure for her cysts? I don’t want to put her thru it too soon if she’s mostly normal besides sleeping all day and having a couple episodes of vomiting and not eating sometimes. Ik It’s not my money but it’s really not a big amount. I don’t want to rehome her(Idek if I can) Bec of her age and health, I’d feel to guilty I just don’t know what to do and I’m tired of everything I just want the stress to go away.

So I (34F) am getting married to my Fiance (35M) in a couple of months but we have had a fight regarding something in the past
My partner and i did not have the greatest start, whilst we were seeing each other but not officially together, I kissed two guys whilst drunk. We then became official.The first fight came later, we were laying in bed and 2nd guy texted me, asking what i was doing, i wrote back “Laying in bed with my boyfriend” but i removed the with my boyfriend part cause i didnt want him to think bad of me. My boyfriend saw this.
Next misstep was another guy had texted me a naked pic, and at this stage i wasn’t sure where the relationship was going, i said “He might get one back”. Boyfriend found out later, now has some trust issues, I havent had the best history with being honest with him.
So awhile ago, a girls drinking day was planned. The plan changed when people pulled out and some husbands / friends joined. I found out a day before, but thought my partner would only worry / not approve so i let him continue to believe that it was girls only. When myself and my best friend got on the bus we realized these guys were suss.
They were paying alot of attention, so we just tried to ignore / separate and just hang out with the girls. Later on, it got much more direct, they offered dr*gs which i REFUSED repeatedly and some bad comments were made along the lines of “Come for a walk, your fiance doesn't have to know”. I refused everytime but at one point this one guy kept asking, id say no and keep on it until one of my fiances friends who was there fired up and said “Thats “insert Fiances names” Mrs”. At this point everyone mostly backed off.
My friend told her partner everything and he was not happy, i told about the dr*gs and that guys were there but not the comments. Now my partner has found out about the sexual comments and is furious, we argued. He is mad i lied about the circumstances, stayed in an unsafe environment, he believes when they made those advances, i should have left and i crossed a boundary by staying and not telling me, it wasn’t some random, it was friends of friends and by staying around such bad behavior i was complicit. I argue i refused all offers and tried to just hang out with the girls.
He slept in the spare room and is mad, has mentioned postponing the wedding and/or leaving. We got into another fight about it this morning and he said “What if they had got tired of your No’s and just slipped something into your drink?
He is mad because whilst i told him about the dr*gs the night of, but a few months ago i had back pain problems and whilst under medication i told him i knew about the guys coming in advance. Then last night when i could see he was upset about our upcoming wedding, did i tell him the full truth.
I wont go into details of why he doesn't like the dr*ggo friends, but i can say his story is pretty screwed up and has a geniune reason for hating on them.
So this boils down to:
He Believes: I lied when plans changed, did not tell him when they were being inappropriate and after the first time when they didnt respect my no, should have got my friend that wanted to leave and come home to hang out, and said to my friend that didnt, that we could hang out another time alone or with people that respect me and my relationship boundaries.
I believe: Ok, did lie about who was going, but originally i wanted a girls night out, only knew about the change for 24 hours, did not accept any inappropriate offers and tried actively to shut them down and i did not tell him about the inappropriate sexual remarks.

WARNING REALLY LONG
My bf (29) and I (22) have been dating for a little over a year. None of my family know about him cause my mom is strict when it comes to dating and doesn’t let me date. So for the past year the way our relationship works is I see him after work when I can since I work very close to his house.
The problem I am having is he’s constantly telling me that I don’t care about him or love him. Whenever I ask why he either tells me it’s cause I don’t want to see him or he doesn’t give me an answer. I don’t have the liberty of leaving my house when I want cause my mom always needs to know where I’m going and at this point had told me she’s gonna put a tracker on my car.
My bf gets annoyed that I can’t see him when he wants me to. I live 45-1 hour away from him and has only ever came to see me once, when I lived at me old house which was about 15-20 mins away from him. I hate that I always have to be the one to go see him and he has never tried to come see me beside that one time.
My mom had recently told me that I can do whatever I want but I don’t believe her. Whenever I’m out with friends she call me and text me asking where I am and what time I’m coming home. On top of that she’ll have my sisters do the same. This always ruins my time with my friends and makes me feel like a kid since I’m the only one who has their mom calling and texting them. A couple months ago I asked her if she would let me go in a date with my bf (as I mentioned she doesn’t know we’re together so when I ask I don’t refer to him as my bf) and she said yeah but he has to come pick me up. Since then I tried to set up a day for us to do something but he’s always busy so it never works out.
He tells me I’m mean and don’t live or care about him cause I never want to do anything with him and I tell him to come pick me up but he tells me he would much rather have us meet halfway since I live further. I do love and care about him and try to show that by seeing him as much as I can and texting him everyday. He want me to tell my mom about us but I’m honestly rlly scared which he doesn’t understand. He thinks I’m embarrassed by him and that I don’t love him and claims that I don’t show it. If I ask him how he wants me to show him that I do he doesn’t tell me or says he doesn’t want to talk about it.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I e spent the last year trying to show my mom I’m more independent so she doesn’t get mad about me dating. I’ve also been trying to move out so I can have a bit more freedom and live closer to my bf. I’m tired of constantly hearing him tell me I don’t love him when I love him a lot. What should I do?
P.s Sorry for any typos

[honestly kind of irrelevant backstory]

Highly doubt he’s on reddit at all but I will be changing/leaving out some details anyways.
Started a new job awhile back, co worker caught my eye. First few days I was just trying to learn the lay of the land and be generally comfortable, but I walked past him a few times. I summed it up to the fact that he was the one of two of the only guys around my age (give or take 5 years) so of course I thought he was attractive in comparison to everyone else. And then my second week there we made eye contact while walking past one another and he smiled at me…and my heart dropped … in a good way.
So then I’m like “damn…I have a crush. Okay. It’s been a while…” so it was fun at first. I didn’t really know anything about my coworkers personal lives, so I didn’t know who was married or who was single..I just knew he was cute.
We continued to always walk past each other and flash a quick smile if convenient. Also attended some meetings together, one of them was where I found out he would be leaving the company in a month or so. And I was like “damn…”
Of course I looked up his Instagram. Private, but his picture was just of him alone. I’m not saying every single person I know has their significant other in their profile pic, but a majority do. So that led me to believe he was possibly single …
We literally did not talk at all this was a fully one sided crush lmao. Had probably 2 conversations and they were about work logistics. And some random small interactions like almost running into each other when turning a corner or general printecopy talk. We ate lunch at different times so I never saw him then either. The crush started getting annoying because I would always notice him or be on the lookout for him it was just causing me anxiety.
One day I noticed the company we work at posted short bios on each staff member. They were submitted 7 months before I looked at them. Many staff members put a photo of them w their significant other and children. Of course I scrolled to his and there’s a really pretty girl posed next to him! The sigh of relief I let out like okay has a girlfriend/wife thank god I can just admire him in peace.
But then I thought back to his insta profile picture..alone…what if they broke up? Then I was like ok this is insane.
Eventually as the crush grew I had it in my head that I should casually confess to him before he leaves work, through a note or something (lame ik …) but it wasn’t a real thought just the beginning of one. I’ve never told a crush I’ve liked them before, and the circumstances made this one feel pretty low stakes. Like who cares if you don’t like me back, we’re not gonna see each other on a daily basis anymore.
[TODAY]
Anyways his last day of work was today. And we talked more than we have had since I started working here….it was work related but more personal leaning. Turns out he’s moving out of state. It felt nice to talk to him, have his undivided attention on me…but then I realized that’s all I wanted. For him to look at me, talk to me, I just wanted to feel desired. So I did not confess, and left work feeling fulfilled due to that realization. Like … your crush is really JUST a person….don’t forget that.
God forbid I form a new crush though… they drive me insane.

Hi all this may be a longer post so I will create a TL:DR for anyone not wanting to read it all.
(Apologies in advance for any formatting flaws, I’m using mobile)
TL:DR - Have 2 college degrees and got a job as an electrician, but want to go into med school to become a physician. Worrying about losing the opportunity to become an electrician, how to schedule classes and work, and how I will afford life the next few years.
For anyone wanting the details here it goes. I just graduated with masters in business management after getting my bachelor’s in psychology. I have also been working trade-like jobs since I was 16 so I know my way around blue-collar work, but have credentials for white-collar work. Ever since I started college I kept tossing the idea of medical school around but never pursued it (which I regret).
Just recently I got a job with the IBEW, an electricians union where I start my apprenticeship in July. I have also decided to pursue med school on top of the apprenticeship. Now I know I cannot do both at once, but my dilemma lies with my salary and the time I have to fit things into my schedule.
The salary I get will be low, almost too low to live on my own which sucks. The other issue is I need to take my chemistry pre requisites before I take the MCATS and apply for medical school, which would take me 2-3 years if I slacked a bit. The issue is, with trades your work isn’t very flexible and I worry that the chem classes I need will not be available at times that I need them, or I won’t be able to rearrange my schedule for work to fit my class schedule.
I have found a few jobs that pay more and are affiliated with the university that I will most likely be taking classes at, but this means I will give up the opportunity to be a part of a highly sought after apprenticeship program. It’s an option but I’m not sure if it’s the right one.
Lastly, I am 22 turning 23 soon and if I were to grind out pre rec classes I could technically apply to med school by 2025 or 2026 meaning I would start med school at 25 years old (if accepted) and be done with everything by my early 30s, WHICH IS IDEAL. But what is eating at me, is I will have to give up the opportunity to become an electrician.
Now looking at this post it’s easy to just say, “choose one or the other you can’t do both” and you are right, but WHAT IF I could be educated for a few years as an electrician and then go to med school starting early enough that I would become a physician by my early 30s.
So I guess to try and make things easier to understand, I’m worried about these things:

1. How can I fit in classes with my work schedule at 40hrs a week?
   
2. Do I stick with the Union and try to make both work until I need to solely focus on medicine? Or do I get a less stressful job to supplement pay for the next couple years?
   
3. I really like the opportunity to become an electrician and learn a trade but I don’t want to start med school too late.
   

I really hope this all makes sense, and it’s not incoherent rambling. I would really appreciate your thoughts, and thank you for reading (if you did).

I’ve been dating this girl for about 6 months and I’m absolutely in love with her. I feel so connected to her in terms of interests and we clicked so instantly it was crazy. I love her family and they love me too and it seems great. I am generally a type of person that will overthink things to the max, spiraling loop of death sort of thing. I’ve found myself spiraling in relationships before and can notice when I’m doing it but I feel a general sense of insecurity sometimes with this girl. Sometimes I find myself wondering if she means it when she says she loves me, if she’s really comfortable around me etc. she’s flying out to visit me this weekend and I can’t help but feel like she doesn’t truly want to come out. I feel like I put the pressure on her to fly out and see me even though I don’t have real proof. I’m writing this because I don’t really have anyone I want to talk about this with but sometimes I’m worried to tell her that I feel insecure because I’m worried that it will diminish my appearance in her eyes and something will change for the worse. I know it’s a me problem and I should probably just talk to her about it but I just don’t know. It sucks because I really trust her and love her but sometimes I question if she feels the same. Wondering if this has been felt by other people…