Theory to explain last night's absolute un-pantsing: last year Denver went 4-1, 4-2, 4-0, and 4-1 in the playoffs, didn't face very stiff comp (after their first series against the Naz- and Jaden-less Wolves), and got to rest between series since they finished everyone off so quickly. Could Joker who, let's be honest, is a giant human being carrying a lot of weight and isn't exactly in marathon shape, be wearing down from the grind of this series? When he's off the Nugs are vulnerable and last night it just seemed like maybe he said to himself "I don't have it tonight, let me rest and we'll get you in game 7." It doesn't explain the game 2 blowout, but last night was like that on steroids...

hello thank you for letting me post in this group.
recently I have been remembering more and more about when I was younger and I have had a lingering memory for as long as I can remember and I’m really unsure if I was abused or not.
I’m finding it hard to remember everything. I am 26F currently and at the age of around 11-12 (I think) me and my cousin would be at my grandparents house and he was 4 years older than me at the time so around 15-16 years old.
I’m not sure how it started but he would secretly touch me as I walked past and place his hand on me touching my crouch region and he would get me to do the same to him. I thought of it as a game and I thought it was a normal thing at the time. Then we would be in the back room alone and he came up with a game that was like dacking / pantsing each other.
And he would pull my pants down and I would do the same to him and I have a vivid memories of him getting me touch his privates and kiss him down there. I don’t think we ever engaged in intercourse but I can’t remember a lot of things still. I remember it ending when my uncle / his dad caught him pantsing me and I remember him getting in trouble and he kept telling the parents that it was just a game and we pretty much never spoke again unless it was the odd hello at family events. My parents / grandparents / my uncle never said anything or checked on me.
I just want to know if this was some sort of sexual grooming or if it’s a thing that has happened to someone else? Is it normal like something kids do? He is now around the age of 30 and married with a kid and I have never told anyone about it.
I just don’t know how to think anymore and it’s starting to eat at me now and I don’t know what to think.
Thank you. M

So that was Round 8, full of great rivalry games, and after an arduous journey that took until Sunday night, we found out that the Brisbane Lions have about 14 players left to play for them in 2024, with Lachie Neale carrying the weight of 5 players.
Fair dinkum, Brisbane's kicking in the 2nd Half was so bad I resorted to watching The Fifth Element for 20 minutes, in which time the Lions kicked 7 behinds.
I thoroughly enjoyed watching Bruce Willis take on 40 flying police cars across New York with Milla Jovovich in the back seat.... It made for better entertainment than most of the 3rd Quarter.
Now, on to the games:

• It's ironic that BT called Horne-Francis the Horny One, because Port were made to look absolutely flaccid in The Showdown
  
• Carlton get shat on by childhood Carlton supporter who happens to be the child of a Collingwood legend
  
• Team from South Melbourne defeats team from Canberra to win Sydney Derby
  
• St Kilda wins game
  
• Geelong repelled by Fritsch Magnet to bring us closer to Potato of Parity
  
• Essendon are now 5th with a percentage of 95.2%... #justessendonthings
  
• Fremantle produce performance that leaves us all wondering.... how the fuck did Sydney lose to Richmond?
  
• Sam Draper to be addressed as Nostradamus from now on
  
• I tore my ACL writing this part about Brisbane's win in the Mango Tango
  

LOL OF THE WEEK
Up until Sunday I figured Ken Hinkley playing his captain while he was blatantly injured and going on to lose the game badly + losing him for next week would be a pretty fair LOL for this week....
But we wound up with two worthy candidates in the Dogs getting clubbed by a lowly Hawks team, and the Suns getting pantsed by a Lions team that was 1 injury away from calling in Alastair Lynch, and it was harder to pick than a broken nose...
But given nobody gives a shit about the Suns, it's always great when the reigning LOL of the Year backs up their worthy win from last year by getting rolled by a Wooden Spoon contender, so to the WESTERN BULLDOGS, here's your fuckin' LOL for losing to Hawthorn....
AGAIN.

I get that title gives off vibes of "I'm not like the other girls" and I fucking hate it too. I hate myself for being like that too but I can't really get away from it.
When I've chatted with other women, they give me this image of all eyes are on them. They get stalked, harassed, catcalled, watched, and glared at by everyone. I didn't my entire 28 years of my life. I was just neglected and overlooked.
As a kid, I was neglected by my fucking parents and elementary school had me alone and avoided by other kids. I never made friends. Middle school came, and guess what? Same story. My parents avoided me, and the other kids just hated me and avoided me too. Most of my memories are just walking around alone and playing fucking Mario games. Super Mario Advance and Super Mario Advance 2 got me through all this loneliness.
Then high school came and I guess I got some socialization, but for the most part I was still alone. I ONCE A-FUCKING-GAIN failed to make friends and was avoided. One time, some boy asked me out and, given that I spent over 15 years alone, took him up. He took me on a date to the creek in town. Soon, a group of his friends came out and I was pantsed, and pushed into the creek. I remember them laughing at me and him telling me, "You think I'd like a weird girl like you?" The rest of high school was just me being mocked and alone. No friends. No one liked me. And outside of high school? I was just alone.
Then at age 18, I joined the Army. Why? I just NEEDED to get away from it all. But I served 8 fucking years and never made friends. I tried to set myself apart by being the go-getter. But I never got anything. I tried out for Ranger school and failed. I tried out for the best squad competition and hurt my shoulder. I tried to be the BOSS rep and kept showing up late. I tried out for TAC and got yelled at by sergeant major for being out of regs for whatever reason.
More time went on in the fucking Army and I was stuck in Fort Hood as that cursed fucking post is a sinkhole and you NEVER leave it. You heard the horror stories on it, guess what? Never applied to me. I would take a walk at night every fucking day at 8:45pm. Nothing ever happened to me. I was so fucking alone, I'd often give into delusions that I don't exist. That I'm just a random consciousness that tricked itself into thinking it's a person.
I'd see my fellow soldiers going to barracks parties, hanging out, being social, doing things, and what about me? I was left behind. No one EVER invited me to do things. No one ever wanted to spend time with me. And not just that, I never even had a roommate. I was often the only woman in my unit and I was just overlooked. I never made friends. I could be friendly with people, but never cross that line into being friends. I was just alone and ignored.
Sometimes I wondered if its my PCOS. I have higher than average levels of testosterone for a woman, so I am more masculine than others. I'm a lot taller at 6'0. I also tend to be heavier, so am I just ugly? Is it because I'm not fertile? I can't have kids and have never had a period. I could if I took t-blockers like my doctor said, but I'd be a shit mom and no man wants me anyways, so what's the point?
But it sucks. No other woman seems to have related to me. The story they tell me is they have all eyes on them, but for me? No eyes were on me. I was ignored, overlooked, and neglected. I hate it because then it makes me feel like I'm not really a woman. And fuck, I have PCOS and also never experienced a key woman thing.
So I often feel like this disgusting THING that's not really a woman, but definitely not a man either and I hate it.
I dunno... are any women out there feeling the same? Any relate to me? If not, at least I finally got to rant about this. At least I finally spilled me guts about this. Thanks.

As I'm sure many of you are aware, Jono and Alan were recently compelled by their Patreon subscribers to give reactions to Labyrinth - a movie they seemed to have already known going in they didn't like, and the results were... maybe not ideal.
Among the most common responses to this, were that if these two knew they didn't like the movie going in, they still should have been able to find a neutral position from which to analyze the themes of the movie that were less derisive of the characters and the props and design and thereby meet the demands of their patreons, and if they couldn't, they should have declined.
This entire dialogue got me thinking. Not too long ago the guys reacted to Hook. Now, I haven't seen Hook since I was a kid. The release date would have put me at about 10 years old, and I distinctly remember not liking it. I remember vaguely in the broadest terms what I didn't like about it, and anything else is kind of a blur.
When the Cinema Therapy episode dropped, I decided to watch the episode anyway for some insight into qualities about the movie I might have missed, but only kind of half listened. It ended up being one of those - one of those 'hit play on the video and then start browsing in the other window and descend into ADHD browsing hell' kind of listens, so all I really remember getting out of it was that Jono saw Hook later than I did at a vulnerable time in his life when he was really feeling the conflicting pressures of being a provider and being an involved father and the movie made feel very seen.
Now, I don't have Jono's education, or any invested Patreons to disappoint, but I do have a nagging curiosity about whether I myself could rise to the challenge to look past a strong dislike of a movie and come away with anything worthwhile to say about it.
Fair content warning: I hate it. I still hate it. I promise that I didn't go into this experiment looking to roast it, but some of my takeaways may feel 'roasty' to anyone that's deeply invested in this movie. As soon as resolved I was going to do it, I immediately starting feeling a nagging little undercurrent of dread as I looked into where and how I could watch the movie and queued it up to my Chromecast, keenly aware that I would rather be watching Dead Boy Detectives, but I didn't. I watched Hook, and without any further adieu, here is my 2024 attempt to find value in that movie.
The first part of the movie is definitely more accessible for me. If there's anything Spielberg knows how to do it's leverage a cute kid. Jake and his sister Maggie are flawless and adorable. My first empathy gap revelation of the movie was that in 1991 I didn't understand all the angst about scheduling issues when Peter missed Jake's baseball game. I could understand being disappointed, but I was raised by a brick mason Dad and a mom who worked on an assembly line in manufacturing (like Roseanne). Neither of them was ever in a position to make their own hours or attend school events. This was just 'life' to me. I didn't feel especially harsh on these kids because they were kids, but I definitely viewed them as fortunate to have one stay at home parent who's life revolved around them rather than neglected.
So here I start to interpret the opening conflict of the movie as Peter is unable or unwilling to realistically assess himself and communicate with his family so they can have realistic expectations of him. Moira talks to him about her concerns that he's not spending enough with her family, but he doesn't talk to her back about changes that he could make in his career that might increase his availability, but decrease their income and affect their living standard and their ability to make trips to London and what not.
I understand that you wouldn't put a scene like that in a movie like this. A couple negotiating their family management isn't the thrill ride adventure people paid the cost of entry for, but just saying, if I look at it through a lense for conflict resolution, that's what stands out to me. I see a lot of anxiety and a lot of love in Peter's constant struggles to manage risk around his family. 'Jack, you'll slip and break your leg', 'Jack, don't lean out the window'. I don't look at this and think 'Peter needs to lighten up' I look at this and think 'Peter is in crisis/burnout mode and needs support'.
So then Act 2 starts when Hook kidnaps Peter's children to compel him back to Neverland so he can take his revenge. We find out Wendy was Peter's childhood love interest, until she became too old and then her daughter Moira became Peter's love interest, and eventually we'll come to learn that Tinkerbell has been and will continue to be infatuated with Peter Pan and WHY DOES EVERY SINGLE WOMAN WITH MORE THAN 3 LINES IN THIS MOVIE EXIST TO MOTHER PETER PAN AND VALIDATE HIS DESIRABILITY? WHY IS NOT ONE, NOT TWO, BUT THREE BUSTY MERMAIDS PRESSING LIPS TO PETERS THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE HIM FROM DROWNING?
Alright, I'll stop yelling. And I know, of course, the answer is that because being kissed by beautiful mermaids is a an erotic fantasy for boys and putting Peter in a situation where he's drowning is simply the device that facilitates that. It's just frustrating some days to be faced with the reality that you extend that kind of empathy as a matter of habit and that same empathy frequently won't be extended to you.
You know how Jono said that he found almost everything about Labyrinth to be deeply unpleasant and ugly? I feel that, because that's how I felt about Neverland. I have enough literary context on Peter Pan coming in that the appeal of Neverland and being a lost boy is freedom, but Peter's actual experience of Neverland, seems horrible. Right off the jump, Peter's experience of Neverland is an outsider is to be ridiculed and rejected. And you could say 'well that's because he's an adult', but that doesn't track for me because that's how the lost boys treat each other too. There are no 'lost girls', but if there were, they would immediately be relegated to the role of 'mother', like Wendy was.
The lost boys immediately decide that the problem with Peter is not just that he's old, but also that he's fat, and they need to solve Peter's fatness by hazing him. Firstly, Robin Williams has never been fat, but if even if he were, yikes. This is a horrible montage for anyone that's experienced fat shaming in their life.
And this doesn't get addressed, either. Peter as the closest thing to an adult doesn't model compassion or caring for these boys. His aversion to cruelty is framed as something that holds him back, and Peter's path to success in the narrative is regressing, heaping greater and more savage amounts of cruelty on the boys around him than they're able to return. When he regains his ability to fly, he celebrates it by pantsing Rufio, pointlessly piling more humiliation on a character who's already been thoroughly demeaned. It doesn't feel like Peter left any kind of impression with the lost boys, beyond the experience of being a starry eyed small kid gazing up at the guy who dominated and bullied you, and hoping that one day you're big or powerful enough to be in a position to dominate and be a bully too.
Dustin Hoffman is a treasure, but I don't think they got the right balance of menacing and buffoon right with him. When precious Maggie scolds him, her criticism is that he 'needs a mother'. The movie repeatedly beats us over the head that men's behavior, no matter their age, can and should be attributed to the quality or quantity of 'mothering' in their life. So men need to be powerful and free, but women need to regulate and nurture them. I guess that's what the movie is really about. Not about how part of being an adult is being able to communicate hard messages to your family and empathize them when they struggle with disappointment or hurt. Peter talks a lot about how he loves his children, but for me, the beats of the movie don't honor this thesis.
So anyway... if you stuck with this write up for this long, I'm genuinely surprised. The results are in, and I still hate Hook. I don't think I'll be watching it again any time soon, but I have infinitely more empathy for Jono and Alan for trying to sit through and pick out positives in a movie they hated.

Last year's proxy statement was released on May 2nd 2023. I think it will be released around the same period as well within the next two weeks.
I speculate that there might be something different about this upcoming proxy statement now that GameStop has achieved full-year profitability. Possibly a voting item that could result in the shortsellers getting pantsed hard.
Does anyone else think the same?

(I've also posted this to ao3 if you'd rather read it on a website dedicated to this kind of thing. Here is the link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/55075546/chapters/139634302 )
With a flash of white light, he appeared in the center of the main dirt road that defined Pallet Town, frightening a local house-wife out on an early morning stroll in the process.
The man, for a moment, was disoriented, not entirely sure of his surroundings. Fortunately, that initial state of disorientation did not last. Quickly, he realized just where he was; he was in Pallet Town.
He looked at his hands for a moment, and was struck by vertigo. His hands were a warm caramel brown, a color defined by a certain sense of vitality that he hadn’t had since his first life. But what set him off was that they were not familiar.
His hands- the ones he had grown up with- the ones that he had used to raise a family in life and the ones he used to kill in hell- they were smaller, and covered in healed scars, and pale knuckles, and perpetually reddenned.
These hands were broad and thick, visibly heavy ham-hocks that looked purpose built for heavy labor.
The man shook it off. The angel said that he would have a new body. And this body is definitely new.
He rolled his broad shoulders in an old habit that arose from an old body that had worn out shoulders and collar bones that had been repeatedly broken, shifting the large white backpack he wore.
Lacking any real instruction on what was where or where he was supposed to go, he instead went to grab at his belt, where his six pokeballs were mounted magnetically, hoping to call out his starters.
But the distinct lack of warmth that indicated a pokemon within the spheres told him that he had not a single pokemon.
So, lacking any concrete direction, he decided to simply walk down the dirt road before him.
As he walked, he took in the surroundings.
Despite the ostensibly urban nature of his surroundings, the air had a certain freshness to it that the man had never felt before, but he knew that he’d never be able to forget. And there was a certain sense of serenity in the way that the early morning sky was painted with the colors of dawn.
As he approached the building down at the end of the road, he saw a huge crowd of people gathered around a large yellow building.
Just as he entered the crowd, and began wading through to the front, the huge front door opened, and a single brown haired boy walked through.
He was fairly small in stature, as was standard for a boy his age; he couldn’t have been older than twelve or thirteen. But you wouldn’t have thought that with the way his strut made him seem a thousand feet tall.
And beside him was an older man in a lab coat, with tanned wrinkled skin, gray hair, and thick bushy eyebrows. .
‘This must be Professor Oak,’ he thought, ‘and if that is Professor Oak, then that is probably Gary. Or maybe Blue.’
His assumptions were correct. The older man was Professor Oak, and the boy beside him was Gary ‘Blue’ Oak, though nobody aside from his family ever called him Blue.
Once Professor Oak caught sight of him, he smiled welcomingly. “Ah, Reginald Cromwell. It’s nice to finally meet you.” He greeted him warmly.
Reginald, for his part, was a little caught off guard. He didn’t know the Professor, and he certainly had never met him. Still, something inside him said to play along, and Reginald knew to trust his instincts.
“And it’s nice to meet you, Professor.” He responded, without missing a beat, as he extended a hand in greeting.
“Please,” Professor Oak said, as he shook Reginald's hand, “Head inside. My assistants will attend to you while I send off my baby boy Blue out onto his first journey.”
Reginald nodded, and continued into the building, where a harried looking young woman in a lab coat visibly jumped once she noticed his presence.
“Ah!” She squeaked, “M-Mister Cromwell- Sir, um, right this way.” She then abruptly turned, and started walking, guiding him through the lab, where dozens of other people in lab coats seemed to be hard at work.
And then she guided him out the back door of the lab, and into the field. Then, out in the middle of the field, she glanced back at me, and squared her shoulders. Then, with a sharp whistle, she called out for squirtles and eevees. And more than a dozen pokemon in total answered the call.
“Um… Professor Oak said that you get two, uh, starters.” She said, “One squirtle and one eevee. He also said to let you choose.”
“Yes,” He responded, not really paying attention to her, his attention almost entirely on the pokemon before him.
He knew the two that he had defined to the angel were among them. But which one were they…
Look as he might, he couldn’t discern just which ones were his starters.
So instead, he took a step towards the pokemon, and then took a knee, getting closer. Most of them took a step back. All except for two.
One squirtle, who remained stalwart, standing in front of a particularly small eevee protectively.
“I want those two,” he said, while pointing at them.
Her eyes widened, “Professor was right…” She said under her breath. “Um, I’ll go get their pokeballs.”
She then scurried off, leaving Reginald alone with his two starters. He turned down to them, and they both cowered.
“My name is Reginald Cromwell,” He said to them, “And I intend to make you two the foundation of the most powerful team this world has ever seen. And I have no interest in pokemon who do not share my dream. Say the word, and I’ll choose another pokemon instead.”
They looked at each other for a moment.
“This is the chance we’ve been waiting for.” said the squirtle to the eevee, “And we get to stay together!”
“...Alright.” Said the eevee. “I’ll do it.”
A smile stretched over Reginald's face,
“I’m back,” Announced the young lady in the lab coat, two pokeballs in hand. “Here are their pokeballs. You’ll have to wait until the Professor gets back to sync the pokeballs to you, though.”
“It’s fine,” He replied, “I need a little bit of time to get to know these pokemon anyway.”
He then turned his attention back to the pokemon. “So, Squirtle, Eevee, you guys mind if I check you guys out? To see what we’re working with?”
“Yeah,” Squirtle responded, as he stepped forward,
Reginald reached out, and picked up the squirtle by the sides of his shell, and hefted him into the air, judging his weight by hand.
“A little smaller than I’d like, but we can work with it.” Reginald said,
“Really?” Professor Oak interjected, evidently having approached while Reginald hadn’t been paying attention, “that squirtle is actually quite large for his age and species.”
“I can already tell that this little guy uses mostly physical attacks,” I said, “And for that kind of fighting bigger is better.”
“I wouldn’t go so far,” said the Professor, “I’ve seen trainer and pokemon alike make the mistake of overfeeding.”
“Doesn’t Waterboy here know a speed move?” Reginald said, after a moment of consideration, “If he’s got a speed move, then it’s fine if he gets fat, he’ll still be fast.”
“True,” Professor Oak just smiled, “If I might ask, how did you know?”
“Look at his shell and his foot claws,” He said, “See those uniform scratches, those are only from scraping in a single direction, head on, and doing it hard. Those kinds of scratching only come from a high speed head on impact. And that sort of speed isn’t coming from his feet. His foot claws aren’t right for that speed.”
Professor Oak laughed, “You’re an observant one, aren’t you.”
“I damn well should be,” Reginald said, “These two are going to be the foundation of my team. I gotta know what I’m working with.”
“Fair enough,” replied the Professor, “If you don’t mind me asking, why did you pick these two?”
“All of them were afraid of me.” He said, “But only two were willing to fight me. That tells me that they got what it takes.”
“True enough for the squirtle,” Professor Oak said, “He’s a troublemaker, I’ve seen him try to fight my Gyarados before. But the Eevee? She’s the runt of the litter.”
“She was hiding behind the squirtle, but I saw the glow of a charging normal type energy move. If I had started a fight, she would have at least tried to fight me.”
“Perhaps you see something I don’t,” He conceded. “In any case, we should head inside, to get you a pokedex.”
Professor Oak, with two pokeballs in a single hand, sucked both the squirtle and the eevee into electronic storage.
The two men then headed back into the lab, where Professor Oak grabbed a pokedex off of a counter, and handed it to Reginald.
“Here’s your pokedex, it’s already loaded with all the bits and bobs that a pokedex usually has, and has both the squirtle and eevee synced to its account. All you have to do is let it scan you, so it can have your biometrics.”
With a flick of the wrist, the pokedex snapped open, and with a flash of white light, the futuristic device scanned him.
“Biometrics complete.” A computerized voice said, “Synchronizing user information. Synchronization complete. Device ready to use.”
“Good, good,” Professor Oak said, “Now then, all that is left to do is to go over your contract as a lab-sponsored trainer.”
Instantly Reginald was on guard. Contracts were never good news.
“It's nothing to worry about. Legally speaking, your only real obligation is that you must add any new discoveries to the Pokedex’ database.” said the Professor, “Besides that, there are a number of benefits available to you.”
Professor Oak then went on to list a number of benefits, including such things as a monthly stipend, a cash bonus for each new trainer defeated in a League regulation battle, and free access to Pokecenters.
But Reginald was mostly interested in the fact that he is now legally allowed to own literally any pokemon.
That and the fact that if he ever goes rogue, or becomes a criminal it’ll be Professor Oak’s personal responsibility to come for him.
But once he was through with the contract, Professor Oak sent Reginald on his way.
Reginald, now fully ready to begin his Pokemon Journey, set off onto Route One, directly from Pallet Town’s main road.
And then he immediately took a left, and walked into the brush.
A few hours later, Reginald came across a fairly large opening in the forest, and decided that it would make a good place for him to set up to train his pokemon.
He set his bag down against a tree, and called out both Squirtle and Eevee. And got to the very first order of business.
“First things first,” He said, “Do you two have names?”
“Yes,” answered the Squirtle, “The other pokemon would call me Rock. I don’t like that name, however. I would prefer it if you called me Squirtle instead.”
“Why did they call you rock?” Reginald asked, curiously.
“Because, until I learned Aqua Ring, I could not swim.” He replied.
“Ah.” Reginald said, “Would you prefer a different name? Because it seems odd to me that the default is to name you after your species.”
Squirtle thought for a moment, “How is that strange?”
“It’s the name of your species. It would be as if you called me Human exclusively.” Reginald responded.
“I don’t follow.”
Reginald shrugged, “it’s your name.” He then turned to the eevee. “What about you? You want a name?”
“N-no.” she replied shyly, struggling a little bit to speak to Reginald.
“Suit yourself.” He replied, “Now then, training. So here’s my plan: I know the moves Heal Bell and Wish. Which means that you two can train to complete failure, and then I can heal you two into top condition, and then you’ll do it again. Sound good?”
They didn’t reply, though.
“So, let's start off with sprints, ‘Get you guys nice and warm to start off with,” Reginald said, “Run down to the other end of the clearing, and then run back. We are starting off pretty slow, but each time I want you guys to go a little faster until you are going at your top speed. Now then. Ready? Go.”
Later, in the night, while both his pokemon slept, Reginald decided to test a hypothesis of his.
Heal Bell could cure all status effects. And sleep is a status effect. Theoretically, Heal Bell should completely remove his need to sleep.
With a thought, a glowing golden bell manifested in front of him, and tinkled gently.
Reginald felt no different, but he already was wide awake. Only time will tell if he would need to sleep later. Which is why he was going to try and stay awake all night.
Now, with some time on his hands, he decided to do some good old fashioned research on pokemon moves, searching through the Pokedex’ database for information.
And what he found was fascinating. So much so that he spent the whole night reading the various published papers stored in the Pokedex’ database.
And as he read, a plan began to formulate in his mind.
Pokemon moves were the basis of any pokemon’s combat style. And it is easy to see why. A Move was far more powerful than what a pokemon would be capable of doing without one. Not to mention Moves can be capable of far more exotic effects that a pokemon would normally never be capable of.
Reginald personally had a dozen different examples of moves that gave him abilities that he’d normally never have. Abilities that he honestly was comparing to magic spells in his mind.
And he had ideas as to how to effectively increase the power of the moves in his pokemon.
The first one was based on a well established fact. Pokemon grow far more powerful in environments that match their type. Water Pokemon in the ocean are known to be monstrous, as are Ground and Rock type pokemon found in deep cave systems.
But the cause is up to debate.
Scholars believe that the cause is simply environmental factors. Water Pokemon in the ocean grow large and powerful because of plentiful food and competition, and so on.
Reginald, however, has a different hypothesis, centered on a single fact. Elemental Energy Stones demonstrably add power to pokemon who exist near them, so much that it can even induce evolution in pokemon from contact alone. But only to pokemon whose elements correspond with the stone.
So, if his theory is correct, simply by exposing his pokemon to elemental energy of their type, they will become far more powerful than they would have otherwise been.
Exposing Eevee to Normal Type energy should be easy enough, considering Reginald's long list of powerful normal type moves, as was Squirtle, since Eevee knew Rainy Day.
As such, the next day he would be putting his theory to the test.
Nearly a full week into his new journey, Reginald was thoroughly satisfied with the progress that they’ve made.
His personal training is going great, and so has Squirtle’s.
Squirtle was already very proficient with Aqua Jet, but with my instruction, he’s starting to get scary fast with it, using it to rocket all around like a watery meteorite, and even using it to fly. And while the actual raw impact of the move still leaves a bit to be desired, he is also still only a Squirtle. With an evolution or two, Reginald is sure that his Aqua Jet will be as scary as he hoped.
Not to mention, Squirtle is also starting to get very good with his reaction time for Mirror Coat. His accuracy with Hydro Pump, which is already a naturally powerful move, is also starting to get to the point where the main limitation on if he’ll hit something is how fast the water from Hydro Pump can travel.
Eevee, however… Eevee simply didn’t have the move loadout to keep up with Squirtle.
Facade and Weather Ball, Eevee’s only moves to attack with were both pretty powerful, but Mirror Coat completely countered Weather Ball, which was the more powerful of the two moves. Facade, Eevee’s only real usable move against Squirtle was hard to use, for the sole reason that Eevee wasn’t fast enough to keep up with Squirtle’s Aqua Jet
Even when Eevee used Sunny Day to turn Weather Ball into a fire type move, and then used it to burn herself to power up Facade, she still wouldn’t ever land a single blow.
So, with that in mind, Reginald had put Eevee on learning Quick Attack. At which point he learned that Eevee already knew that move.
Something that came as a bit of a surprise to him, but it was a pleasant surprise.
What was less of a pleasant surprise was the fact that Eevee had pulled a runner on Reginald.
While Reginald had been preparing their dinner, Eevee snatched her pokeball, and disappeared into the brush.
Reginald wished it had come as a surprise, but, honestly, he probably should have seen it coming.
While Squirtle took to the training like a fish took to water, Eevee had been more reluctant to truly push her limits, and had always been slower to tire. Not to mention she would never really want to talk with him.
At the time Reginald probably should have seen it as a sign that Eevee wasn’t exactly a fan of the sort of pace he was putting on his two pokemon, but he had merely attributed it to the pokemon’s inferior vitality.
And beyond that, he should have been used to people just ditching him whenever things got hard anyway.
When it became clear that Eevee wasn’t going to return, Reginald was left at a crossroads. Or more accurately, he and Squirtle were having a disagreement.
“So Eevee’s not comin’ back.” Reginald said, with a forced sense of calm, “Damn shame.” He said, anger boiling just under the surface.
Reginald, recognizing that he was starting to get visibly angry, he took a calming breath, and turned to Squirtle.
“So, today’s a conditioning day-” Reginald began, in a clear dismissal of the matter,
“Wait,” Squirtle interrupted, “We aren’t going looking for her?”
“For what?” Reginald responded callously, “She made her choice. If she doesn’t want to be on my team, then there is no place for her here.”
“We have to go look for her,” Squirtle insisted,
“Even if we find her, what do you think we are going to do,” Reginald questioned, “Chain her up, and make her train and fight against her will?”
“I’ll convince her to rejoin the team,” Squirtle asserted, “She’ll listen to me,”
Reginald sighed, as he looked down at Squirtle in his big brown eyes, “She chose to leave. She made the conscious choice to run away. She decided that whatever was waiting out there for her was more important than either of us. Even if you convince her to rejoin us, she’ll leave again when it gets hard,”
“...We promised that we’d stay together forever, even after our old trainer released us.” Squirtle said, “She wouldn’t just leave me like that. Eevee, I’m sure we could work it out, once we find her.”
In that moment, Reginald was reminded of things that he had chosen to forget.
Reginald was raised in an old-fashioned home, with a stoic and bearded blue-collared father who worked himself half to death, and drank himself the rest of the way when he got home from work, and a mother who really didn’t care about him or his three other siblings.
As such, Reginald found no comfort in his home. There was nothing for him there; he barely tolerated his siblings, his mother who did the bare minimum, and when his father was home, he was drinking alone and in silence in the basement.
And the rest of the world was no better.
Nobody really cared about him. His ‘friends’ were there as long as they were having fun, and not a second longer. And those adults who supposedly cared about him at school didn’t give a single fuck about what happened to him when they weren’t legally responsible.
When a group of boys decided that they’d make him their dedicated object of amusement, willing or not, Reginald tried to fight back.
Verbally, of course.
Reginald knew that if it ever made it back to his parents that he got into a fight, he’d be in for the beating of his life. .
And considering that Reginald had both a stutter and a lisp, he would never manage to properly retaliate against this mockery.
After a particularly vicious bout of mockery involving a picture of Reginald's penis taken after he was dumped with a bucket of ice water and pantsed, Reginald had reached his limit and challenged him to a fight after school in the nearby park.
Later that day, Reginald received a particularly unlucky left hook to the jaw during that fight, and was left completely unconscious, on the grass in that park, and didn’t wake up for several hours.
That night, when he finally made it home, he dimly realized that nobody at home noticed that he wasn’t there.
The next day, he left to go to school like normal, but instead of going to school, he simply went to the city library, where he passed the time drawing.
It was there that he met Anne Hall, another highschooler skipping class.
She just happened to be walking by, when she peeked over his shoulder and saw a particularly impressive drawing of his, depicting a skeletal woman in black robes lined with glimmering obsidian.
The two of them became fast friends, and soon, even more than that.
And how could they not. Unlike anyone else he’s ever known, she well and truly cared about him. And to her, Reginald was an escape from her own terrible home life. Of course they would form a relationship.
It was based around Anne Hall speaking about all those things that bothered her, about her own abusive father, about her drug addict older brother, and about how as soon as she turned eighteen, she’s going to take that beat up 2001 honda she bought with her money from working as a barista and drive them both all over the country.
In the end, that dream came true much sooner than they expected, when a sixteen year old Reginald got a seventeen year old Anne pregnant.
Anne was swiftly disowned by her own religious parents, and Reginald's parents were no more inclined to take her in.
And so, for a time, it was them against the world.
Anne had already dropped out of school, and Reginald soon followed, choosing to go work, to try and support his soon to be family. And, for a time, they were almost happy.
Sure, they were sleeping in that 2001 Honda, and eating exclusively gas station food, and they had nowhere for the baby to stay, but at least they had each other.
When their child, a boy they named James, was born with severe complications, and passed after spending several months in and out of life support.
In the months that followed, Anne nearly gave up, and followed her baby boy to the grave.
But they promised that they’d stay together forever.
And, years later, a twenty three year old Anne decided that she wanted to have another baby. And Reginald, finally having a well paying enough job, agreed to it.
And so, they had their second child, a healthy baby girl they named Riley.
Reginald was over the moon, he loved his baby girl more than anything else.
And then, one day, without warning, Anne hopped up into that old rust bucket of a honda that they kept for sentimental reasons, and left behind both a husband and a daughter.
All that was left was a piece of paper, where she told Reginald that she’s leaving, and that she’s not coming back, and to take care of Riley.
To a barely two year old Riley, all that changed was that there was one less chair around the dinner table.
It was all he would allow to change.
To Reginald, there was nothing more important to him than his baby girl. Not even the love of his life.
And he would never allow her to know that she was missing the warmth of a mother’s touch.
But Reginald was but a man.
How could he remain strong, when his very heart and soul had been ripped out, when his wife had abandoned him?
In private, behind locked doors, alone, and so far away from the daughter he treasured so much, he raged.
He raged against her, for abandoning him.
He raged against her, for abandoning their daughter.
He raged against her, for abandoning the life they built together.
Beyond that, he raged at himself, for allowing himself to fall for a woman who evidently never even really loved him.
And, beyond even that, he raged at God and the world, for allowing him to be betrayed in such a way.
But, most of all, he raged because he was alone. So very alone.
In the end, no matter how much he raged, and screamed, and begged, the sun still crossed the horizon, and Anne never returned.
Days turned into weeks, and months, and, eventually, years.
And then Riley left him too.
At the young age of nine years old, Riley was diagnosed with a terminal disease.
A genetic disorder, the doctor said. A hereditary condition that she inherited from her mother.
It was at then that Reginald learned that Anne had been declared terminal three days before her disappearance.
Painfully, Reginald recollected his last conversation with Anne, about how she would that if she died, she’d want him to move on, and to not just die too, and about how Reginald would deny it, saying that if she died, he’d die with her, so he’d be buried next to her, and about how she’d laugh along, but the laugh would not quite reach her eyes.
It was that point that it had all made sense. Anne never really wanted to leave him. She just decided to leave so he wouldn’t know she died, so he’d keep living.
But, in the end, all Reginald could think about was the fact that she spent the last days of her life penniless and alone, withering away without even so much as a blanket or a warm good-night.
Reginald was forced to watch as his baby girl desperately clung to life, unable to do a thing but watch as her very being withered away over the course of almost a year.
Once Reginald was well and truly alone, all he could think about was what he promised Anne all those years ago, when they first found out that she was pregnant.
That they would be forever together.
And about how he promised a seven year old Riley the same thing, when she put together that her mother ‘abandoned’ them.
And about how he was a goddamn liar.
“Let's go,” Reginald said, after a moment passed, “I’ll boost you with Acupressure, so you’ll be faster, and then we’ll split up to cover more ground.”
Eevee panted, as she desperately scrambled to her feet, only to nearly fall over again, as pain lanced through her body. She had tried to stand on a broken leg, in her panic, and she was paying for it.
Crooning laughs rang through the air, as a particularly large Fearow watched on, a sadistic glint in his eye.
Despite herself, she began to cry. “Why!” She pleaded, as she painfully tried to retreat.
The Fearow, and the Spearow that formed its entourage laughed some more.
“You know why, bootlicker,” He said, “You’re tamed. By those filthy humans. It’ll be better for us all if you just died.”
“I left!” She begged, “I escaped! I’m not tamed!”
The Spearow scoffed, “Your kind, Eevee,” He spat out, “Should have died out long ago. They have no place in this land, except to serve as slaves for humans.”
The Spearow’s began to glow, as three different glowing balls appeared in front of it, one a glowing ball of fire, another a tightly restrained ball of lightning, and the third a ball of cold energy.
Eevee simply looked away, accepting that she was going to die.
“Squirtle!” A pokemon shouted, in a meaningless declaration of presence.
Eevee looked back, and was staring up into the big brown eyes of Squirtle, as he glowed a simmering silver.
The roar of burning fire, and roaring thunder, and crackling ice, told her that he was taking an attack that would have been her death.
Squirtle, though, knew Mirror Coat.
And so, Eevee only watched on in awe, as Squirtle cast back the very same attack, the three beams dwarfing their predecessors, and thundering down range with such force and potency that Eevee’s fur was forcibly flattened by the wind the beams caused.
And yet, when the roar died down, the Fearow was still there, having dodged the move.
Squirtle turned, was enveloped in a glowing pale water.
Aqua Ring, Eevee distantly thought, as she watched the scorch marks and charred flesh dissipate into healthy shell and scale.
“Another bootlicker,” the Fearow said, disdain thick in his voice, “I suppose I can end you first.”
With a cold anger that Eevee never thought Squirtle to be capable of, he spoke, “I’m going to rip off your wings, and beat you to death with them.”
As Squirtle stared down the Fearow, Eevee pushed herself, and summoned up the strength to cast Rainy Day, in the hopes of giving Squirtle an extra edge in what would no doubt be a difficult battle.
Abruptly, the glowing blue water that enveloped the tiny turtle pokemon shifted, darkening, matching the cold black water of the deep ocean. Without even so much as a foot step, Squirtle erupted into movement, chasing down Fearow like a water type version of Draco Meteor.
She could only watch, as Squirtle rocketted through the air, chasing down the Fearow over and over again, matching the Fearow’s brutal Fury Attacks and Drill Pecks with Aqua Jet propelled Tackles.
Distantly, Eevee thought that it was amazing that Squirtle could fight a flying type in the air, as if he was a flying type too. And then, she thought about how it was Reginald who taught him to do that.
Immediately, her burgeoning hope was dimmed by the thought of that human.
He was exactly the sort of man that pokemon like Fearow thought of when they thought of pokemon trainers. Brutal and callous slave drivers, without a thought for the suffering of their pokemon, pushing them to their limits again and again, fuelled only by greed for more power.
And yet, even the most hateful pokemon could not deny that Pokemon Trainers truly produced powerful pokemon.
That strength that Squirtle was showing, clashing with an Alpha Spearow on equal terms, and even battling it backwards. It was monstrous.
No, more than that, it was unnatural.
Squirtle was a baby pokemon, merely in the first stage of three evolutions. Baby pokemon like him should not be so powerful. He had no business battling a pokemon like Fearow.
And yet there he was.
And then, it seems that order reasserted itself, as Squirtle abruptly slowed, and then, received another Fury Attack, and where he would have once merely trucked right through it, he was now sent crashing back down into the ground.
Eevee watched on sadly, as Fearow charged up one last Drill Peck, ready to end her old friend once and for all.
Without warning, an absolutely titanic beam of raw psychic might roared through the forest, obliterating Fearow, along with everything else in its general direction, carving a massive tench through the forest.
In the deafening silence that followed, the man responsible for Squirtle’s unnatural strength touched down a few feet away from Eevee.
Wordlessly, he walked over to Eevee, and kneeled down over her, as glowing golden light enveloped them both.
And then, a twinkling bell pierced the silence, and the glowing golden light surged.
Eevee could only sigh as the dull roar of her wounds, and broken limbs disappeared, healed by Reginald's Wish and Heal Bell.
“Squirtle.” He called out to the tiny turtle pokemon, who was busy staring down the trail of obliteration that Reginald's Stored Power left behind. “Here’s your pokeball.” He said, “If you decide that it’s best for you both to leave me, I will not object.”
He then turned, and walked away.
“There’s a creek not far away,” He called back over his shoulder, “I’ll be waiting there. If you two are leaving, at least let me know.”
Eevee and Squirtle both watched in silence as his broad back retreated into the brush. And once he was gone, the two of them were forced to face each other.
Eevee opened her mouth to talk, to try and explain, but the words just didn’t come out.
Fortunately for her, Squirtle decided to initiate the conversation for her. “Why?” He croaked out,
Now, with the floodgates opened, Eevee poured out her heart, “I… I can’t do it.” She said, as tears began to flow, “I never wanted to battle. I just- it was what I was supposed to do!”
Squirtle looked up and away, “Eevee… Do you know why I wanted to battle?” He asked rhetorically, “It was because I wanted to be able to protect you, and all the other pokemon on my team. So that our trainer would send me out first every time, and no one else would need to fight.”
Squirtle looked back down at Eevee.
“Trust me.” He said, “I’ll convince Reginald to go easy on your training.”
“...Alright,” She said, “I’ll do it. I’ll go back to the trainer.”
Squirtle smiled at her gently, “Thank you for trusting me.” He said, “Now, come on, he’s waiting for us over at the creek.”
Eevee just followed behind the pokemon, as he led them over to the man.
The two pokemon found the man in question sitting in the dirt, leaning against the trunk of a tree, and looking off into the distance.
“Reginald,” Squirtle said, “I’ve decided to stay.” Reginald's face remained completely neutral, “And so has Eevee.” Eevee licked his nonexistent lips nervously, “But she doesn’t want to train.”
Reginald's reply was interrupted by a distant feeling of alarm, a sort of primal sensation that something wasn’t right.
He came to his feet, just as an absolutely monolithic Charizard came to a stop before them, followed by an immense roaring wind. Distantly.
Reginald squared his shoulders to the beast, instinctively preparing for a battle.
He eyed the beast, as a blast of hot wind buffeted him, coming from the raw heat of the fire-type. And the beast eyed him back, and it took all of Reginald's strength to not immediately initiate combat against the beast.
“Reginald,” Professor Oak said, as he hopped off the back of Charizard, “Did you see the pokemon that used that move?”
“Which move?” Reginald said,
“Come now!” Professor Oak said reproachfully, “This is no time for jokes. I am asking about the pokemon that used that Psybeam.”
“Oh,” Reginald said, “That was me.” He said casually, “And it wasn’t Psybeam. It was Stored Power.”
Professor Oak just looked at Reginald, annoyance clear on his face. “I’m not going to ask you again. Where is that pokemon?”
Reginald, being thoroughly done with the whole situation, decided that right then and there was the time to transform into his Hydreigon form.
With a thought, the transformation had begun. Reginald's tanned skin darkened to a navy blue, as he grew taller and taller, and his torso thickened and widened, stretching until he tore out of his clothes with his growth. His backpack was thrown to the side, as six large and ragged wings burst from his back, and pulled him into the air.
Reginald, now in the form of a Dragon, and bearing raw might of one, reared his largest head back, and once more cast Stored Power, except this time it was a beam forced all the way up into the sky, punching a hole in the sky.
If before, Reginald's Stored Power could carve its way through a forest, the new version could punch a hole through a mountain.
“It was me.” He said,
Professor Oak, awed by the borderline Legendary display of raw power, asked “Who… What are you?”
“I am Reginald Cromwell.” He said, “And I may not be human, but I still intend on being a pokemon trainer.”
Professor Oak forcibly recomposed himself, “...If that suits your desires.” He said calmly.
“It does.” He reasserted.
Professor Oak then hopped onto the back of his Charizard, and, with a haste that betrayed his fear, the two flew far away.
Reginald then turned to the two pokemon that were on his team. With a sigh, he said, “Eevee, I’ll allow you to stay on my team, as a companion only. But… once I have my other five pokeballs filled, and I am about to add my final battle pokemon to my team, I will be sending you back to Professor Oak’s farm. My only demand is that you aid in Squirtle’s training by contributing your Rainy Day. Are those terms acceptable?”
“Yes.” She answered.
“Now then,” Reginald said, “I’ll be taking us to a beach for the next training site.”
Ring. Ring. Ring. Click.
“What is it, old man?”
“Listen, Lance, we have a situation.”
“Shit. What the hell happened?”
“One of my sponsored trainers is a disguised Legendary. I don’t know what happened, but something made him use a move powerful enough to spook my pokemon all the way over here in Pallet Town. When I went over there, he demonstrated his power with another move powerful enough to scare my Charizard.”
“Bullshit. I’ve seen that thing pick a fight with fucking Moltres.”
“I’m dead serious.”
“...Alright, I’m heading over. But… be honest, how fucked are we?”
“...He isn’t actively violent, but if he becomes violent… Our best bet is for us to get Blaine’s dusty ass out there to help us hold him off while Steven and Cynthia get over here.”
“...Fuck. Alright. I’m on my way.”
Click.
(Post Note: The move that Reginald used against Fearow and then demonstrated to Professor Oak was Stored Power.
Stored Power is a move that increases in power the more buffs you have active. In the game, with the theoretical maximum amount of buffs you could get in the game, which you can get using Acupressure, its power is 860. For reference Hyper Beam’s power is 150. And that power stat is further amplified by the user’s special attack stat which in this case was already very high, and then boosted greatly.
And the scary part is that Stored Power doesn’t have a cooldown like Hyper Beam, and it doesn’t remove the buffs. You could just spam that shit.
Additionally, Reginald knows Psychic Terrain, so he could amp its power by another 50% if he had to.
Do with that information what you will.)
Preface

Agility is now fun!
As a pure who has been involved in the clanning pvp community since 2011 this update was a massive success. Most if not all of the content I do, I try to involve the wilderness.
99 hunter was achieved at black chins only
97/99 slayer was achieved solely with wildy slayer
99 thieving was just recently achieved at the new rouges chests
and now I will finally have 99 agility.
for those of y'all who don't enjoy wilderness content, think of this as content with a free tank test. It only makes you better at the game!
Side note: you know how when you're nervous you just imagine people in their underwear? Same applies to Pvpers! just pretend its PvM and you have to tank and pray correctly, and don't get caught with your pants down.
its pants or be pantsed out here
​
also wilderness Runecrafting when?

My son (soon-to-be 6m) has a “friend” in his Kindergarten class - we’ll call him Andrew - that has hurt his feelings on multiple occasions and very intentionally. He also has several really wonderful friends in his class that this particular student has also bothered. My son’s 6th birthday is coming up soon and when going over the guest list he said “mom, I want to invite Andrew too.” So I asked “are you sure, buddy? It seems like Andrew isn’t very nice to you or your friends. I don’t want anyone to end up upset at your party - especially you. It’s your birthday and you deserve to be as happy as possible!” Now let me elaborate a little bit on the ways Andrew has been cruel. Our first incident was the second week of school. My son got caught with his pants down on the playground. My son is very open and honest for a kindergartener and when I talked to him about the incident, he had told me that he would never just pull his pants down on the playground because that’s inappropriate and he explained (and started crying) while telling me that Andrew thought it was funny and ran up to my son and pantsed him- exposing him completely when his underwear came down too. On multiple other occasions my son has come home and told me that Andrew cusses at him and gives him the middle finger for no reason at all - he’s pushed him down and yelled in his face telling him that he’s a creep and nobody should even want to be his friend as well as done this to other kids in the class. My son has come home crying because of this kid multiple times and so have other students in the class after talking with their parents. Essentially Andrew is the class bully. So I’ve chatted with my son and he doesn’t want to invite Andrew anymore because he wants to protect his own feelings as well as his friend’s feelings at his party. My husband thinks I’m an AH for this and shouldn’t be interfering with who he wants at his party. While I see his point, I also don’t want a menace at my son’s party that is only going to cause problems. I have met Andrew’s mother and can clearly see that she finds his behavior funny and thinks it’s a non-issue “because he’s just a kid” so expecting the parents to handle their child at the party is not an option. So Reddit, AITAH for convincing my son not to invite him in the first place by simply pointing out how cruel Andrew has been?
Update after several questions: the school is 100% aware of the actions of this child. We’ve had meetings and discussions - some of them rather heated especially after the pantsing incident - I was bullied myself in school and I will not stand by and allow my son to be bullied without taking action. Other than discussions and conversations and meetings with the other parents, I truly don’t know what the school is doing to intervene with his behavior. Ultimately, if nothing at home is changing and his behavior is being brushed off or encouraged at home - I don’t see it getting better at school, but other than a whole lot of words, I’m not too sure what else the school is doing. They say they watch him like a hawk, but my son comes home telling me that Andrew is very sneaky and does things when nobody is looking. He also recently came home and told me that Andrew is trying to gather classmates out at recess and is trying to get them to all play truth or dare. I told my son that this game is completely inappropriate for him to be playing at his age and should not be played at school no matter how old he is. It’s been brought to the school’s attention and I can only hope they take it further.

Basically something that happened in game that wasn't planned / supposed to happen.
For example: Devin Hester getting pantsed: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmxzfvNZviI

My son is twelve and in the sixth grade. I got a call from his school on Thursday afternoon. My wife and I arrived and we were told he was going to be suspended from school for FIVE DAYS. He had pantsed a fellow student, a girl in his year. He pulled her underwear also. He received a citation for bullying as well as SEXUAL HARASSMENT. We were appalled. We found our son in tears, apologetic, deeply embarrassed. He swears that the underwear was on accident.
The principal and counselor were present. Out of his earshot, they explained to us that it isn’t uncommon for boys of his age to develop curiosity about girls. They were firm but fair. They informed us the girl’s parents had been notified, and that they are very upset. We don’t know much more than that.
When we asked him for his side, he kept saying it was a joke and the girl and he are friends. He said he walked behind her at lunch and pantsed her. Not only did he humiliate this girl, he did it in front of who knows how many students. My wife was furious and started shouting at him right there in the office. He cried harder. I have never seen her so upset with any of our children (we have 4). I myself was very angry too.
We immediately grounded our son for the present time without knowing for how long. He is banned from all screens and gets no dessert. We have also demanded he write an apology letter to the girl which has been completed. He has spent the last several days essentially in his room. We have added extra chores to his usual responsibilities. Yesterday we had him doing yard work with me which he hates.
My wife and I are not completely in agreement how we want to go about this beyond that. She wants to throw the book at him. She wants him grounded until the end of the school year, which is around 2.5 months. No TV, phone, video games, computers, etc unless strictly needed for school. No leaving the house except to go out with us or to school. No sweets. She wants to make him watch videos about sexual harassment and write an essay on it (I am fine with this). She also wants to ban him from baseball this season which just started a few weeks ago.
I do think he deserves thorough punishment but I don’t know that he deserves to be punished for months. I don’t want to make him quit his baseball team. I think two weeks of grounding with the essay and letter on top of suspension is fair for what happened. My wife had an abusive past so I understand her anger, but I believe our son when he says the yannking of the underwear was an accient. I don’t want to crush his spirit over a misguided prank.
I’m concerned I am being too flippant over this and my wife is being too harsh. She told me she is disgusted by what he did and can’t even look at him the same way. He has cried and apologized everyday since this happened. I’m sure the little girl must be having a worse time. This entire situation is terrible.
Because we cannot agree on his punishment going forward, our son is currently in limbo. He knows he is grounded but not for how long. He has missed his baseball game and will likely miss practice tomorrow. He won’t return to school until the end of the week, but he is dreading going back and facing what he did.
How can my wife and I best handle this situation? What is the best punishment that will prevent this happening again? My wife seems truly worried he will grow up to be a pervert. I’m not so worried about that, but I want to make sure he understands the gravity of his behavior to not repeat it. We have never had any trouble with his siblings. He himself usually is a good kid who doesn’t normally get into trouble. Please help.

So I was reading a book about the differences in BP diagnosis and am intrigued.
I was diagnosed as BP2 because I've never done anything dangerous or truly destructive. I compulsively spend all of my money away, I still pay my bills but will overdraft my bank account to the max (my bank will let me go $500 over). My credit cards are always maxed out. I've just never been pantsed by my poor money management and impulsive spending.
But my manic episodes are damn euphoric and intense. And I've done some risky things that others just call brave because they were successful. I quit my (already successful) job and took a job in a new state...moved me and my kids to an apartment after only an online tour. I've propelled a very successful career thanks to my mania.
I will have so much energy that I can go 3-4 days with no sleep and still not be tired. I'll fall asleep just fine but wake up after 30 mins to an hour feeling like I got a full 8+ of sleep. During these phases I'll take 5-6 mg of lunesta (which should knock out someone twice my size) and still only sleep 4 hours.
I'm at the top of my game at work (literally, I'm at the salary max and am #1 in the company).
The mania is addictive. I have doubled down on my anti-d's just to try and trigger it. I can never force it but if I feel the edges within reach I will for sure try to ramp it up.
I feel invincible...my positive energy is infectious and people gravitate to me when I'm manic. I have ideas and plans...I'm everywhere all at once. It's like I'm on speed!
I can also stay in a manic phase for weeks. I went off my meds last summer and enjoyed a very extended wave of mania which was only enhanced by all the sunshine and good vibes. Nearly three months of mania...it's the longest I've ever gone. I did not want to come down.
My depressive phases are terrible but I've never reached a place where I've considered self harm. I do go catatonic and lose all interest in everything. I'm a completely different person, the apathy is real. I can live here for a long time.
I am for sure going to question my diagnosis more when I see my psychiatrist this week.
What are your experiences?

It’s time to hand out the last set of quarterly awards!
For this article, we’re counting the third quarter as the ~20 games played since Jan 18th, so the statistics cited have been pulled from that sample whenever possible.
[Thanks for reading! As always, I've included a bunch of illustrative GIFs that can be viewed in-context here or at the links embedded in the article. If you're curious, here are my Q1 and Q2 awards.]

Most Improved Player of the Quarter: Donte DiVincenzo, New York Knicks

My Most Improved Player of the Quarter is given to the player who improved the most from the first half of the season to the third quarter; this is not a reflection of the actual award, which looks at play this year compared to last year.
Usually, I try not to put too much weight on someone who simply plays more minutes and, therefore, puts up bigger numbers. Sometimes, though, those numbers get so big they can’t be ignored. In that spirit, I want to acknowledge The Big Ragu himself, Mr. Donte DiVincenzo.
DiVincenzo averaged 11/3/2 in his 22 minutes per game for the first 41 games of the season. But trading away Immanuel Quickley, Quentin Grimes, and RJ Barrett and injuries to OG Anunoby and Julius Randle opened up both minutes and shots for the taking, and DiVincenzo was ready to swipe them. His role started to expand in January before exploding in February.
For the third quarter, DiVincenzo averaged 21 points (!) in 35 minutes (!!), but that doesn’t tell the full story. DiVincenzo ramped up his three-point shooting to an absurd degree, hitting 39% of his 11.6 triples per game.
To put that in context, Steph Curry is averaging 12.1 triples per game for the season on 41% accuracy; Luka Doncic is second, putting up 10.2 attempts on 38% shooting. In other words, if DiVincenzo had been doing this all year, he’d be the second-best three-point shooter in the league. Nobody else is even close to that level of volume and accuracy.
Three-point shooting quality rarely holds as sample sizes get bigger. As someone starts jacking up more and more triples, the difficulty of those shots increases, which should drive down percentages. Not so in DiVincenzo’s case.
He is hunting triples with abandon. They’re rarely bad shots, but they certainly are aggressive. Look at him shake Herb Jones (a feat in itself!) and put up a moonball that soars juuuust past Jones’ lengthy fingertips: [video here]
DiVincenzo’s playing with the confidence of a high school Mean Girl, and he’s just as ruthless. Is he pulling up for three in a 1-on-5 situation with 21 seconds on the shot clock in the third quarter? Hell yeah, he is: [video here]
The Knicks have some fascinating rotation questions to answer when everyone returns to full health.
Shoutout to Deni Avdija, who also garnered consideration for this award (along with many others). I’ve got a lot more coming on him soon, in case you’re a sicko who wants to read about the Wizards.

Perimeter Defensive Player of the Quarter: Kris Dunn, Utah Jazz

All season, I’ve broken the Defensive Player award into perimeter and interior categories. This reflects my belief that, while interior defensive players are way more important in the aggregate, perimeter guys deserve some shine, too.
(I have no idea what will happen with positionless All-Defensive teams this season, but there will be a lot of centers involved, I suspect.)
Perimeter defense, more than any other awards, is about feel and eye test. Box score metrics are inadequate, and advanced stats haven’t advanced our understanding of perimeter defense nearly as much as interior defense.
So if you want to pick Herb Jones, or Jalen Suggs, or Derrick White, or Alex Caruso (my winner last quarter), or any other number of worthy defensive options, be my guest. There’s little tangible ammo to argue with, much less to mount a winning campaign. And to be entirely honest, I’ve talked about most of those guys this season; I wanted to highlight the fearsome Dunn.
The on-ball stuff is what makes highlight reels. Many players pretend to play full-court defense; Dunn doesn’t pretend or play. Watch him strip De’Aaron Fox one-on-one in the backcourt here: [video here]
Dunn might be the league’s best transition defender (he inherits the crown from Draymond Green). He has an uncanny ability to get his hands on the rock as opponents start to gather, knocking it out of bounds and allowing the Jazz to set up their defense. Look at him blow up this transition play twice while his fellow Jazzmen casually jog back: [video here]
He’s one of the best at chasing foes around picks and staying attached to shooters’ hips. Watch Klay Thompson be the tail to Dunn’s dog here, as Dunn refuses to lose him around two different screens: [video here]
Outside of the occasional shoutout on The Lowe Post, Dunn doesn’t get nearly as much national recognition as his peers. Let’s all try to change that.

Interior Defensive Player of the Quarter: Victor Wembanyama

I just wrote a whole bunch about Wemby’s unheralded case for Defensive Player of the Year, so you should have seen this coming if you saw that post a few weeks back. One quick updated stat: Wembanyama averaged 3.9 blocks and 1.7 steals per game in the third quarter, for a total of 5.6 stocks.
The players in second — Walker Kessler and Chet Holmgren — are only averaging 3.4 stocks. To be fair, Kessler played just 23 minutes per game, while Holmgren and Wemby hovered around 30. He’s had an underrated defensive season off Utah’s bench. But even normalizing for minutes, nobody is within Wemby’s zip code as a defensive playmaker.
While box-score stats aren’t everything, they sure are something when the gulf is this wide. Rudy Gobert remains the overwhelming frontrunner for the award, given his dominance and Wembanyama’s acclimatization to NBA action, but this might be the last year that anyone besides the Spur wins for a long, long time.

Rookie of the Quarter: Victor Wembanyama, San Antonio Spurs

Rookie I’m Talking About Instead: Brandin Podziemski, Golden State Warriors

Like I said, I’ve talkeda metric ton about Victor Wembanyama this season. What seemed like a close two-man race to start the year between Wemby and the (outrageously good!) Chet Holmgren has become a blowout, and Wemby is getting better by the minute. Brandon Miller is a distant but deserving third.
But since we’ve already discussed many of the most deserving rookies, I want to highlight Brandin Podziemski, Golden State’s bulldog guard.
Before Podziemski’s back injury last week, he had usurped Klay Thompson’s place in the starting lineup. He’s certainly not the triggerman Thompson is from deep, but he stays within the offense without being gun-shy, an important distinction.
Of note: Steph Curry, Andrew Wiggins, Jonathan Kuminga, and Draymond Green have played approximately 300 possessions each with Klay Thompson and Podziemski — a small sample, but not nothing. In those ~300 with Klay, the lineup has a net rating of +8.6 points per 100 possessions — not bad! In the ~300 with Podziemski, the lineup is +21.2, an elite mark. Much more goes into that than Podz’s mere presence, of course, but it’s at least a directional sign that the lineup switch has been successful.
Podziemski is a ridiculous rebounder for his size. His ability to control the glass as a guard (5.8 rebounds per game and a ridiculous 15.3% defensive rebounding rate that looks more like a power forward's stat) are part of the reason the Warriors have successfully been able to run out more lineups with Draymond Green at center this quarter. When a shot goes up, Podziemski is an attentive boxer-outer and aggressive high-pointer: [boring-ass video here]
Is that rebounding clip the lamest “highlight” I’ve ever embedded? Undoubtedly. But it’s illustrative! Look at how he checks his man, Scoot Henderson, to make sure Henderson’s not crashing the glass before ripping the ball out of the air in traffic. Textbook.
Podz is smart, feisty defensively, and an effective secondary playmaker. He can play either guard position, but he’s physically strong enough to play some small forward in a pinch. That positional versatility is important for a Warriors team that thrives on flexibility.

Sixth Man of the Quarter: Naz Reid, Minnesota Timberwolves

Honestly, it’s an underwhelming crop of Sixth Men this quarter. My pick would have been Bogdan Bogdanovic, except he started in 10 of 20 games this quarter. The rule is that a player has to come off the bench in >50% of games played to qualify for the real award, and that’s what we’ll hold to here.
Therefore, my Sixth Man of the Quarter is Wolves big man Naz Reid.
Reid’s ability to shapeshift gives the Wolves more lineup flexibility than people realize. He can replace either Karl-Anthony Towns or Rudy Gobert, and his shooting (43% from deep on more than four attempts per game) ensures that the team can keep two bigs on the floor at all times without sacrificing spacing. Big men with legitimate shooting — not just decent accuracy on two attempts per game — are extremely rare. Big men who can shoot and hold up defensively are rarer still.
The stat line for the quarter of 12/5/1 and a block doesn’t pop, but it undersells how useful his skillset is for this Wolves team. Reid has dramatically improved defensively this season. He’s become quicker on the perimeter and a legitimate shotblocking threat in the paint. He gives the Wolves some switchability, something they don’t like to do with Gobert or Towns as often.
Reid also loves to push the ball in transition, something the Wolves don’t do a lot of otherwise (they are last in the league in transition frequency). At times, the Wolves’ sometimes-stagnant offense needs his jolt of adrenaline. Reid has a nifty handle for a 6’10” guy, and he’s eager to use it: [video here]
The ideal Sixth Man is someone who can both slot into his team’s existing strengths and provide an off-speed pitch. Reid’s improved defense and aggressive mindset check both those boxes, and he takes the quarterly crown.

Coach of the Quarter: Joe Mazzulla, Boston Celtics

The Celtics were a league-leading 16-3 in this timeframe. It was a relatively easy schedule, but the Celtics’ +14.6 net rating in this timespan is half again as good as second-place Minnesota’s +9.3.
There were statement games aplenty. Boston pantsed Golden State the other night in an epic demolition, obliterated Dallas, and even beat Miami twice. The only bad loss was to a then-surging Clippers team.
Boston has had good health and boasts the most talented rotation in the league. The latter, in particular, almost guarantees that Mazzulla won’t win the Coach of the Year award — there’s a sense from many that any Joe could have these guys atop the league. But this specific Joe’s third quarter deserves love.
Mazzulla is coaching. From bespoke offensive game plans to take advantage of individual defenses to wild Jrue-Holiday-at-center defensive lineups to some of the most elaborate switching schemes in the league, Mazzulla isn’t just sitting on his hands and watching his dudes play. He’s even calling the occasional timeout!
Most real coaching happens behind closed doors; a big part of it is personnel management and personal touch. On the outside, we can only judge coaches by results and what snippets of process we can glean. It would have been easy for the Celtics players and management to quit on Mazzulla after last season (and maybe they would have if the Heat had finished them off in four or five games). Instead, the rotation improved, the players bought in, and Mazzulla has the Celtics miles and miles ahead of the rest of the pack.
Players aren’t the only ones who improve; coaches do, too. Mazzulla has shown greater flexibility and more creativity in his second season at the helm. The playoffs, of course, are the ultimate test, but it’s hard to ask for much more from a regular season performance.

Clutch Player of the Quarter: Max Strus, Cleveland Cavaliers

Listen, I did zero research for this. You can save all your arguments about FG% in the last few minutes of five-point games, etc. The answer is Max Strus.
And while the half-court game-winner rightfully gets all the attention, he also went five-for-five from deep in the last four minutes to cap off a ridiculous Cavaliers comeback.
That’s clutch.

Most Valuable Player of the Quarter: Luka Doncic, Dallas Mavericks

People have very strong opinions about MVP, and that’s great! Despite the plethora of statistical evidence people have to back their preferred candidate, at this point, it’s largely down to a matter of taste. If you’d prefer the metronomic dominance of Jokic and his eye-popping box scores, Shai’s slicing and dicing (32 points on 50/50/85 percent shooting is ridiculous), or Giannis’ steady two-way play (30 points on Shaq-like shooting while regaining his defensive form since Doc took over), that’s fine. The fun of MVP is that everyone can look at the same candidates and come to different conclusions. Jokic was my Q1 MVP, and SGA was my choice in Q2.
But in the third quarter, Doncic averaged a silly 36 points, 10 rebounds, and 11 assists on 52/39/79 percent shooting splits. WTF is that? While he’s comfortably the worst defender of the top MVP candidates, he even averaged 1.6 steals per game.
Advanced stats are similarly rosy. Out of the four major MVP candidates (Doncic, Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, Giannis Antetokounmpo, and Nikola Jokic), he had thebest Estimated Plus/Minus for the quarter, although SGA was close behind. I asked Neil Paine to help me find Wins Above Replacement over this period, and he was gracious enough to oblige: Doncic slightly edges everyone else in WAR per game, too. Both the traditional and advanced stats usually favor Doncic for this period.
Other teams won more games during this stretch. But none of the other candidates had to deal with the bevy of injuries and trades upending half of the rotation like Dallas did.
Doncic whines too much to officials and teammates and still takes the occasional play off. It’s distasteful, at best. His 15 technical fouls this season mean he’s one away from a suspension (with more suspensions for subsequent techs a looming threat). The Mavericks, as a whole, have felt disjointed of late while losing four of their last five following a seven-game winning streak.
But Doncic is also putting up a historic combination of efficiency and volume while rebounding like prime Westbrook and putting forth career-best defensive efforts. It’s hard to put too much blame on him.
Luka is the least likely of this foursome to actually win the award for a variety of reasons, but his incredible third quarter deserves acknowledgment.
That's all I've got. Who would you have picked?

It’s time to hand out the last set of quarterly awards!
For this article, we’re counting the third quarter as the ~20 games played since Jan 18th, so the statistics cited have been pulled from that sample whenever possible.
[Thanks for reading! As always, I've included a bunch of illustrative GIFs that can be viewed in-context here or at the links embedded in the article. If you're curious, here are my Q1 and Q2 awards.]

Most Improved Player of the Quarter: Donte DiVincenzo, New York Knicks

My Most Improved Player of the Quarter is given to the player who improved the most from the first half of the season to the third quarter; this is not a reflection of the actual award, which looks at play this year compared to last year.
Usually, I try not to put too much weight on someone who simply plays more minutes and, therefore, puts up bigger numbers. Sometimes, though, those numbers get so big they can’t be ignored. In that spirit, I want to acknowledge The Big Ragu himself, Mr. Donte DiVincenzo.
DiVincenzo averaged 11/3/2 in his 22 minutes per game for the first 41 games of the season. But trading away Immanuel Quickley, Quentin Grimes, and RJ Barrett and injuries to OG Anunoby and Julius Randle opened up both minutes and shots for the taking, and DiVincenzo was ready to swipe them. His role started to expand in January before exploding in February.
For the third quarter, DiVincenzo averaged 21 points (!) in 35 minutes (!!), but that doesn’t tell the full story. DiVincenzo ramped up his three-point shooting to an absurd degree, hitting 39% of his 11.6 triples per game.
To put that in context, Steph Curry is averaging 12.1 triples per game for the season on 41% accuracy; Luka Doncic is second, putting up 10.2 attempts on 38% shooting. In other words, if DiVincenzo had been doing this all year, he’d be the second-best three-point shooter in the league. Nobody else is even close to that level of volume and accuracy.
Three-point shooting quality rarely holds as sample sizes get bigger. As someone starts jacking up more and more triples, the difficulty of those shots increases, which should drive down percentages. Not so in DiVincenzo’s case.
He is hunting triples with abandon. They’re rarely bad shots, but they certainly are aggressive. Look at him shake Herb Jones (a feat in itself!) and put up a moonball that soars juuuust past Jones’ lengthy fingertips: [video here]
DiVincenzo’s playing with the confidence of a high school Mean Girl, and he’s just as ruthless. Is he pulling up for three in a 1-on-5 situation with 21 seconds on the shot clock in the third quarter? Hell yeah, he is: [video here]
The Knicks have some fascinating rotation questions to answer when everyone returns to full health.
Shoutout to Deni Avdija, who also garnered consideration for this award (along with many others). I’ve got a lot more coming on him soon, in case you’re a sicko who wants to read about the Wizards.

Perimeter Defensive Player of the Quarter: Kris Dunn, Utah Jazz

All season, I’ve broken the Defensive Player award into perimeter and interior categories. This reflects my belief that, while interior defensive players are way more important in the aggregate, perimeter guys deserve some shine, too.
(I have no idea what will happen with positionless All-Defensive teams this season, but there will be a lot of centers involved, I suspect.)
Perimeter defense, more than any other awards, is about feel and eye test. Box score metrics are inadequate, and advanced stats haven’t advanced our understanding of perimeter defense nearly as much as interior defense.
So if you want to pick Herb Jones, or Jalen Suggs, or Derrick White, or Alex Caruso (my winner last quarter), or any other number of worthy defensive options, be my guest. There’s little tangible ammo to argue with, much less to mount a winning campaign. And to be entirely honest, I’ve talked about most of those guys this season; I wanted to highlight the fearsome Dunn.
The on-ball stuff is what makes highlight reels. Many players pretend to play full-court defense; Dunn doesn’t pretend or play. Watch him strip De’Aaron Fox one-on-one in the backcourt here: [video here]
Dunn might be the league’s best transition defender (he inherits the crown from Draymond Green). He has an uncanny ability to get his hands on the rock as opponents start to gather, knocking it out of bounds and allowing the Jazz to set up their defense. Look at him blow up this transition play twice while his fellow Jazzmen casually jog back: [video here]
He’s one of the best at chasing foes around picks and staying attached to shooters’ hips. Watch Klay Thompson be the tail to Dunn’s dog here, as Dunn refuses to lose him around two different screens: [video here]
Outside of the occasional shoutout on The Lowe Post, Dunn doesn’t get nearly as much national recognition as his peers. Let’s all try to change that.

Interior Defensive Player of the Quarter: Victor Wembanyama

I just wrote a whole bunch about Wemby’s unheralded case for Defensive Player of the Year, so you should have seen this coming if you saw that post a few weeks back. One quick updated stat: Wembanyama averaged 3.9 blocks and 1.7 steals per game in the third quarter, for a total of 5.6 stocks.
The players in second — Walker Kessler and Chet Holmgren — are only averaging 3.4 stocks. To be fair, Kessler played just 23 minutes per game, while Holmgren and Wemby hovered around 30. He’s had an underrated defensive season off Utah’s bench. But even normalizing for minutes, nobody is within Wemby’s zip code as a defensive playmaker.
While box-score stats aren’t everything, they sure are something when the gulf is this wide. Rudy Gobert remains the overwhelming frontrunner for the award, given his dominance and Wembanyama’s acclimatization to NBA action, but this might be the last year that anyone besides the Spur wins for a long, long time.

Rookie of the Quarter: Victor Wembanyama, San Antonio Spurs

Rookie I’m Talking About Instead: Brandin Podziemski, Golden State Warriors

Like I said, I’ve talked a metric ton about Victor Wembanyama this season. What seemed like a close two-man race to start the year between Wemby and the (outrageously good!) Chet Holmgren has become a blowout, and Wemby is getting better by the minute. Brandon Miller is a distant but deserving third.
But since we’ve already discussed many of the most deserving rookies, I want to highlight Brandin Podziemski, Golden State’s bulldog guard.
Before Podziemski’s back injury last week, he had usurped Klay Thompson’s place in the starting lineup. He’s certainly not the triggerman Thompson is from deep, but he stays within the offense without being gun-shy, an important distinction.
Of note: Steph Curry, Andrew Wiggins, Jonathan Kuminga, and Draymond Green have played approximately 300 possessions each with Klay Thompson and Podziemski — a small sample, but not nothing. In those ~300 with Klay, the lineup has a net rating of +8.6 points per 100 possessions — not bad! In the ~300 with Podziemski, the lineup is +21.2, an elite mark. Much more goes into that than Podz’s mere presence, of course, but it’s at least a directional sign that the lineup switch has been successful.
Podziemski is a ridiculous rebounder for his size. His ability to control the glass as a guard (5.8 rebounds per game and a ridiculous 15.3% defensive rebounding rate that looks more like a power forward's stat) are part of the reason the Warriors have successfully been able to run out more lineups with Draymond Green at center this quarter. When a shot goes up, Podziemski is an attentive boxer-outer and aggressive high-pointer: [boring-ass video here]
Is that rebounding clip the lamest “highlight” I’ve ever embedded? Undoubtedly. But it’s illustrative! Look at how he checks his man, Scoot Henderson, to make sure Henderson’s not crashing the glass before ripping the ball out of the air in traffic. Textbook.
Podz is smart, feisty defensively, and an effective secondary playmaker. He can play either guard position, but he’s physically strong enough to play some small forward in a pinch. That positional versatility is important for a Warriors team that thrives on flexibility.

Sixth Man of the Quarter: Naz Reid, Minnesota Timberwolves

Honestly, it’s an underwhelming crop of Sixth Men this quarter. My pick would have been Bogdan Bogdanovic, except he started in 10 of 20 games this quarter. The rule is that a player has to come off the bench in >50% of games played to qualify for the real award, and that’s what we’ll hold to here.
Therefore, my Sixth Man of the Quarter is Wolves big man Naz Reid.
Reid’s ability to shapeshift gives the Wolves more lineup flexibility than people realize. He can replace either Karl-Anthony Towns or Rudy Gobert, and his shooting (43% from deep on more than four attempts per game) ensures that the team can keep two bigs on the floor at all times without sacrificing spacing. Big men with legitimate shooting — not just decent accuracy on two attempts per game — are extremely rare. Big men who can shoot and hold up defensively are rarer still.
The stat line for the quarter of 12/5/1 and a block doesn’t pop, but it undersells how useful his skillset is for this Wolves team. Reid has dramatically improved defensively this season. He’s become fleeter on the perimeter and a legitimate shotblocking threat in the paint. He gives the Wolves some switchability, something they don’t like to do with Gobert or Towns as often.
Reid also loves to push the ball in transition, something the Wolves don’t do a lot of otherwise (they are last in the league in transition frequency). At times, the Wolves’ sometimes-stagnant offense needs his jolt of adrenaline. Reid has a nifty handle for a 6’10” guy, and he’s eager to use it: [video here]
The ideal Sixth Man is someone who can both slot into his team’s existing strengths and provide an off-speed pitch. Reid’s improved defense and aggressive mindset check both those boxes, and he takes the quarterly crown.

Coach of the Quarter: Joe Mazzulla, Boston Celtics

The Celtics were a league-leading 16-3 in this timeframe. It was a relatively easy schedule, but the Celtics’ +14.6 net rating in this timespan is half again as good as second-place Minnesota’s +9.3.
There were statement games aplenty. Boston pantsed Golden State the other night in an epic demolition, obliterated Dallas, and even beat Miami twice. The only bad loss was to a then-surging Clippers team.
Boston has had good health and boasts the most talented rotation in the league. The latter, in particular, almost guarantees that Mazzulla won’t win the Coach of the Year award — there’s a sense from many that any Joe could have these guys atop the league. But this specific Joe’s third quarter deserves love.
Mazzulla is coaching. From bespoke offensive game plans to take advantage of individual defenses to wild Jrue-Holiday-at-center defensive lineups to some of the most elaborate switching schemes in the league, Mazzulla isn’t just sitting on his hands and watching his dudes play. He’s even calling the occasional timeout!
Most real coaching happens behind closed doors; a big part of it is personnel management and personal touch. On the outside, we can only judge coaches by results and what snippets of process we can glean. It would have been easy for the Celtics players and management to quit on Mazzulla after last season (and maybe they would have if the Heat had finished them off in four or five games). Instead, the rotation improved, the players bought in, and Mazzulla has the Celtics miles and miles ahead of the rest of the pack.
Players aren’t the only ones who improve; coaches do, too. Mazzulla has shown greater flexibility and more creativity in his second season at the helm. The playoffs, of course, are the ultimate test, but it’s hard to ask for much more from a regular season performance.

Clutch Player of the Quarter: Max Strus, Cleveland Cavaliers

Listen, I did zero research for this. You can save all your arguments about FG% in the last few minutes of five-point games, etc. The answer is Max Strus.
And while the half-court game-winner rightfully gets all the attention, he also went five-for-five from deep in the last four minutes to cap off a ridiculous Cavaliers comeback.
That’s clutch.

Most Valuable Player of the Quarter: Luka Doncic, Dallas Mavericks

People have very strong opinions about MVP, and that’s great! Despite the plethora of statistical evidence people have to back their preferred candidate, at this point, it’s largely down to a matter of taste. If you’d prefer the metronomic dominance of Jokic and his eye-popping box scores, Shai’s slicing and dicing (32 points on 50/50/85 percent shooting is ridiculous), or Giannis’ steady two-way play (30 points on Shaq-like shooting while regaining his defensive form since Doc took over), that’s fine. The fun of MVP is that everyone can look at the same candidates and come to different conclusions. Jokic was my Q1 MVP, and SGA was my choice in Q2.
But in the third quarter, Doncic averaged a silly 36 points, 10 rebounds, and 11 assists on 52/39/79 percent shooting splits. WTF is that? While he’s comfortably the worst defender of the top MVP candidates, he even averaged 1.6 steals per game.
Advanced stats are similarly rosy. Out of the four major MVP candidates (Doncic, Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, Giannis Antetokounmpo, and Nikola Jokic), he had the best Estimated Plus/Minus for the quarter, although SGA was close behind. I asked Neil Paine to help me find Wins Above Replacement over this period, and he was gracious enough to oblige: Doncic slightly edges everyone else in WAR per game, too. Both the traditional and advanced stats usually favor Doncic for this period.
Other teams won more games during this stretch. But none of the other candidates had to deal with the bevy of injuries and trades upending half of the rotation like Dallas did.
Doncic whines too much to officials and teammates and still takes the occasional play off. It’s distasteful, at best. His 15 technical fouls this season mean he’s one away from a suspension (with more suspensions for subsequent techs a looming threat). The Mavericks, as a whole, have felt disjointed of late while losing four of their last five following a seven-game winning streak.
But Doncic is also putting up a historic combination of efficiency and volume while rebounding like prime Westbrook and putting forth career-best defensive efforts. It’s hard to put too much blame on him.
Luka is the least likely of this foursome to actually win the award for a variety of reasons, but his incredible third quarter deserves acknowledgment.
That's all I've got. Who would you have picked?
​

Question at end of description. Takes place in Colorado. All names are fake.
INITIAL STORY
I was throwing a party for folks in my neighborhood in my garage bar. I do this often, I pour drinks for folks and we all enjoy the evening/music/game/whatever.
After a pretty fun game of darts my neighbor (let's call him Kevin, maybe 40 years old) was pretty liquored up. His young Son (maybe 8 years old) comes in and talks to him. Kid is crying. Kevin bends down, listens to what the kid is saying, and immediately stands up with purpose and marches out.
I'm sitting over at the bar when I see this happen. I think nothing of it. Maybe the kid peed on the floor in my bathroom or something. No big deal.
A few minutes later another neighbor comes in and says to me "something's going down in the street outside". So I walk out to have a look see. I had a few beers, but I am definitely not blotto (probably too drunk to drive, but not slurring or staggering).
I walk out to see Kevin SCREAMING at the group of teenage boys (Jimmy, Tom, and my Son who is off to the side). Tom is not a resident of the street, he is just Jimmy's friend. All these kids are about 15-ish years old.
They are standing across the street from me in front of neighbor "Jenny's" house. Like, running at them and yelling things like "I'll F**ing kill you!" and "You better get the F*** out of here before I kick your ass!"
Another neighbor just happened to be checking her mailbox at the time and beat me to the scene by maybe 30 seconds. She's saying "Kevin, calm down!"
I walk up and Kevin takes a run at the kids. I immediately place myself between them, look at Kevin, and say (loudly) "YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DO WHATEVER YOU ARE THINKING RIGHT NOW. GO SIT DOWN". Kevin backs down, continuing to scream at the kids. I'm a bit taller than Kevin.
My Son is standing on the sidewalk, motionless, watching this completely frozen. I go to him and tell him "Go home now. NOW. I will handle this". He goes home, no complaints.
We talk Kevin down and he eventually staggers home screaming "They pantsed my Son!!!"
NEXT DAY
I hear from the lady who's house they were in front of. She is the Mom of one of the kids (Jimmy) Kevin was screaming at. She tells me she has a security cam of the whole thing and needs me to see it because my Son is in it. So I watch.
Kids are standing out front (apparently waiting for a Lyft ride somewhere) and Kevin walks up, screams at them, then tackles Tom in the front yard of Jenny. Jimmy jumps on Kevin's back and it doesn't do much good. Kevin grabs Tom and hurls him into the suburban street. Tom lands on his rear and gets up, not very injured at all, but shaken up.
About 15 seconds pass with Kevin screaming, then you see my neighbor approach, than I get there.
I had missed the entire physical altercation, I only saw it on the security cam.
BACK STORY
According to my Son, they were playing video games in our house when Kevin's young Son comes in to "hang with the big kids". They hang out for a while and nobody things much of it (never had an issue before...)
The big kids get tired of the little kid hanging around, so they tell him to leave. He doesn't, so (according to my Son) they go out into the living room (empty because everyone is in the garage) and my Son closes his door and keeps playing video games. My Son hears commotion, so he opens his door and sees Tom lying on the ground holding his privates. Apparently, Kevin's Son punched him in the crotch.
The big kids (according to the story) then told the little kid to leave or they would take him to the bridge and throw him over. That's when he starts crying and comes out to the garage to talk to his Dad. That's where this story begins above.
My Son never mentioned anyone pantsing Kevin's Son. In fact, I have not heard that accusation from anyone other than Kevin.
EPILOGUE
Tom's Dad has seen the security video (I have not met him ever and I have not spoken with him at all). Jenny (the one with the footage) tells me Tom's Dad will be filing a police report and that I may need to expect an officer to take a statement (or something to that effect - I have never had a run-in with the police, I don't really know how it works).
QUESTIONS:

1. If Kevin gets in trouble for assaulting a minor, he will likely hire an attorney (if he is smart). If he does that, is it safe to assume that attorney will, in an effort to cast Kevin in a favorable light, make me look bad for this happening outside of my house and for me handing out the liquor?
2. If a law enforcement officer approaches my Son at school for questioning, what are my Son's rights? Can he tell the officer something to the effect of "My Dad told me not to talk to you, you will need to contact him directly"? (at which time I would hire my own attorney).
3. Is there a way I should be handling this if law enforcement contacts me (in person or via phone) or my Son?

Thank you very much for your time.

The year, 2022. Freo are playing with heart and gusto. A confidence that got us all the way to the semis after a gutsy and brave comeback effort over the Bulldogs. Freo fans were excited for the future.
2023 comes around with high hopes and dreams. As the year wears on, Freo's game plan is cut to pieces and confidence drops. Our dare and our run slows save for a few glimpses of confidence. We place at the lower end of the ladder, scratching our heads wondering what happened to the drive shown in 2022.
Preseason 2024. We put on a show against the Eagles who are young, inexperienced and injured. Then when we faced good competition in Port, despite our limited lineup got absolutely pantsed by a side who looked like they were running a training drill specifically through the corridor.
We had no confidence, few clean passages of play and embodied the spray and pray approach we've seen from Freo before in our doldrums. Every other pre season match has shown teams running with gusto, giving it a go, testing their connectivity. Freo practiced how to flock and overcrowd the ball and then kick the ball haphazardly out of danger straight into the arms of Ports attacking defenders. We also practiced how to bomb and hope into a forward 50 where two of the most rock hard, large defenders are rather than find leads or our small crumbers.
The competition is fierce and I worry that the best teams seems to have adapted to the new style of AFL. Freo are clearly not part of that group. The run and gun style with clean give and gos at pace. So I wonder... What is JLo's plan? What are his tactics? What is he going to do to preserve his job?
Because right now... With how the league is leaving him and our beloved Dockers behind, he'll be lucky to see the bye. It's not being negative, it's just what he's showing us. I'm not sure what Freo fan would be optimistic for finals this season and that must be the benchmark for JLo. No finals, no contract renewal.
Prove me wrong JLo... For the love of all that is Pav, prove me wrong.

I had a great group when I was younger, with a DM that took on the responsibility of teaching 5 new players (including myself) how to play.
Daniel was awesome. He patiently taught us rules and spent several years running a long term game for us. We explored a homebrew world fighting a group of BBEGs that frequently caused trouble around the world. We entertained the Fey Courts and a co-player even ended a duel to the death by pantsing the aggressive noble. Daniel built sprawling storylines that delved into character backstory and helped us find our voices as characters. Dude was cool as hell.
The horror story here was us players. Daniel gave subtle and not so subtle hints that he was burning out before the group just fell apart. We, as a group, ignored his needs. We never gave him a break, expecting a new fun session every week. Sure we made half ass attempts at one shots, not really putting in the effort (and honestly hindering ourselves trying to be like him).
Our last session ended with us fighting against time to solve a puzzle before an elder white dragon could reach us. In true burnout fashion, Daniel couldn't even describe the puzzle enough for us to understand how to attempt to solve it. He sat there for 30 minutes while we rolled and discussed it before declaring the dragon was upon us breathing ice. The old "rocks fall, everyone dies".
No description of our deaths, no wrap up before session end. Daniel just grabbed his stuff, said sorry and walked away from being our DM. I miss playing with that guy every time I think about DnD. He really made those few years special.
So take care of your DMs. Let them play. Give their brain a break. Understand when they need more time to prepare and don't be a dick about it. DMing is rough sometimes, and everyone needs a breather. Jump in and offer to run a short campaign during acts. You'd be surprised how helpful having someone else to entertain the party for a few sessions can be, and might give your special DM inspiration for your next adventure.

For context, these two are power gaming murderhoboes who create the most powerful characters they can with nonexistent backstory,(chaotic neutral of course) assault npcs who aren’t even involved in the conflict they start, (one pantsed and tried to pick up a kobold who was related but not directly involved with his two other brothers who were telling the other player to leave the tavern due to multiple awful performance rolls for telling wild made up stories) and during the time they play with anyone else they spend half of our very time limited sessions (30 minutes a week every minute counts) they spend half of it rolling damage on their ridiculously overpowered characters because i thought it would be fun to have them fight a small group of lowish level creatures to introduce the others to combat (this is the first time one of them is playing and had been reluctant to play beforehand but was now excited I even helped make his first characters), overall im about at my limit for them because at the beginning of this weeks session since there were only the two of them and i was not really in a decent headspace for high energy dnd (unmedicated adhd go Brrrrrrrr) It was just going to be a chill session where they talk to npcs, go shopping, and gather intel for their next quest whatever it may be. First thing they do is go to the largest tavern and cause trouble, im not going to go into detail but they went chaotic stupid and ended with the half ork barkeep laying on the ground in a pool of blood from a stab wound in the spine that will leave him permanently paralyzed, The entire bar ready to throw hands, and One really poed giant of a dragonborn in full plate (significant other of the barkeep and also ready to kill the two of them, i did repeatedly warn them that they should leave before things got violent). so, with all this in mind, how should i go about this? my current plan is to create a homebrew monster or use the dragonborn as a hostile dmpc thats actually powerful enough to beat them, because they’ve already killed a mindflayer hitless at LVL 3.

Buffy's Second Slayer Mouths Off
Eliza Dushku was here live. See what TV's Faith had to say about mooning for Angel, raping the Buffy boys and getting a good look at Leo's scab. Plus, a spoiler or two and details from the cast wrap party.
Tune in every Monday at 6 p.m. ET to scoop up the TV dish--and maybe get your questions answered!
Hey, Faith fans! Eliza's here. Ready...
From faithyeah: Do you like the change in your character, or do you prefer her kicking butt with Buffy? I definitely like the change. It's obviously fun to play the villain. She's like the bad-girl junkie. Everyone's got a bad side in them somewhere, and it's fun to play the bad-girl nemesis.
From Carl: Eliza, did you have a season wrap party for Buffy? Was everyone sad to say goodbye to Charisma and David as they go to the new show Angel? The wrap party was last night, down by the beach. It was so much fun, but also teary at the same time. I mean, I've only been on one season, but it was like saying goodbye to your brothers and sisters. David wasn't there, but the rest of us were dancing and grooving all night. It was such a good time. From style511: Eliza, I think you're a great actress. Will we be seeing you in anything else besides Buffy? Perhaps a movie? Thank you. I'm looking right now. I've got a meeting for a comedy, actually, in an hour and a half. I'm still trying to decide if I'm going to college or going to make movies.
From Buffy'sgirl: Do you do all your own stunts? I wish I could say I did, but I don't. I've gotten a lot better since the beginning of the season. I used to have a stunt double do everything, and then I would just pop in there, but now I come home with bruises and cuts and sore muscles. Ideally, they want us to do the most we can. I love learning the stuff. These days it's more us.
From faitheslayer: Are you happy the season is finally ending? I'm not happy that it's ending. It's a period of my life that I've had so much fun with. I'm 18 years old and still totally undecided as to what I want to do. I'm so jealous of my friends who are in Boston and going to school. I'm happy that it's over, because everybody needs a break at some point. But I'm sad, too.
From buffybear: How do you and Sarah Michelle Gellar mesh offstage? You two are like oil and vinegar onstage. Are you friends? Yeah, we get along pretty well. We both have a tough streak in us. You know, she's from New York. We pal around and joke. We can hold our own with each other. We're just two girls running their mouths. We actually partied one night in New York, at our agent's wedding. From buffychic: Can you tell us what's up with your character in the next few episodes? They don't even tell me when which shows are airing. I know that in the coming episodes I'm not going to make a turn around. I can't say much, but there's going to be a lot more crazy Faith coming up.
From northernlad: Okay, question I HAVE to ask: What's Nick like to kiss? It was bizarre, because he's in his late 20s and I was 17 at the time. He's, like, 10 years older. I felt like I was going after one of my older brother's friends. It was mainly just a riot, with everyone yelling, "Seventeen will get you 20." It was more comical than anything else.
From jmonique: What's been the most interesting part of working on Buffy? One of the most interesting things for me is that I gained a total respect for science fiction. I honestly never watched the show before I was on it. And once you're on, you gain such a respect for the vampires and how they make it so real.
From willowworshipper: Eliza, do you know what "hope" meant in the title "Faith, Hope and Trick"? "Trick" was Mr. Trick, "Faith" was the new slayer--but what was "Hope" supposed to be? I have no idea either. I never asked. I was new on the set, and I didn't ask many questions.
From swoop300: Eliza, the BIG question: Is your tattoo real? I'd like to say that it is, but it's not. I want to get a tribute tattoo on my hip for a family member who passed away. But I want to wait until I'm 21, because that's what I feel is best for me.
From au_h2o: In real life, would you prefer an Oz, a Xander, an Angel or a Giles? All of them, all at once. Actually, I'm not sure. It depends on my mood. I'm super into tall, dark, handsome.
From catgrl9: How did you get picked for the role of Faith? I had previous acting experience in films. I did six movies when I was 10 to 15. A month after I graduated I put two scenes on tape, and three days later they gave me the part.
From faitheslayer: Any chance you'll be on Angel? Possibly. It hasn't really been discussed, since the Angel show is still in the works. Joss Whedon is just the most creative writer I've ever seen. If he wants to write me in something, I'd do it.
From buffy_summers_: Which role was the most fun you've ever had? It's a toss-up between Buffy and True Lies. I'm an adrenaline junkie--I love taking risks. It's kind of a tie between those.
From dialup: What's your favorite Faith moment? My favorite Faith moment was in "Enemies," when she got jacked by Angel. She was riding high, and then she got dogged. She's so cocky. I love her 'cause I play her, but she's so cocky. She got played. She got beat in her own game.
From skats: Do you date? What do you look for in a man? I'm in between dating right now. I had a boyfriend back in Boston, but this show is tough. How do you date when you get out of work at 3 a.m.? I'm kind of flying solo right now.
From cordeliachase: Who do you hang with the most on the set? Um, the transportation guys. I'm kind of a roamer. I'm usually just out and about. David's cool. We share a trailer, and he's supersocial and friendly.
From genxhostal: I'm sorry, but I have to ask: Who's the better kisser, Nicholas Brendon or David Boreanaz? Well, it's a toss-up. When I had to kiss David, he had these vampire teeth. With both of them being 10 times older than me, and me having to rape Nick and David with those teeth...I'd have to say it's a toss-up.
From tfanman: How long does it take to tape one show? Eight days. Sometimes more if we don't finish up, but never weekends. We always have weekends off.
From pkard: Do you have something in common with Faith? A lot, but not a lot. One of the differences is, I have morals. I would never hurt somebody. In common, we both have that adrenaline feeling and that attitude thing. Wising off to cops, teachers, just doing your own thing. It's a tough attitude/East Coast thing.
From Wanda: What's up with calling Buffy "B"? It was a writer's request. I had no choice. I think it's trying to undermine her a little. It's Faith's own little edgy way of sticking it to her.
From ladyangelus: Is David Boreanaz fun to work with? David's a blast to work with. He's so funny--a real riot. He makes everything very carefree when he's around.
From minaelizabetha: Did Faith and Angel have sex? No. I doubt they did. It was a trick, so I don't think he would've taken it that far. His heart belongs to Buffy.
From loco: Tell us about the gag reel at the wrap party. At random times, someone messes up a scene. There were a lot of beating people up in a joking way. David was running at the camera or cracking up. He would breathe heavy a little too much. In the "Bad Girls" episode, my foot got stuck when we were smashing the glass, and Sarah tried to help me. It was a total screwup caught on camera.
From prophecygirl: Eliza, any hints on who Xander ends up with at the end of the season? Hmmm...I'm not sure. Lately I haven't been following the rest of the show. Things are a mystery to even the cast. When they were trying to get the season finale done, a lot of things were still up in the air. I'm not even sure what the final decision was.
From crs123: It seems like such a funny cast--do you play practical jokes? Um, not really, but it's such a light feeling on the set. No one is insecure, so anyone can harp on anyone. There's just a lot of fun and taunting going around--all in good humor.
From sunny: Will Cordy really be turned into a vamp? I don't know. You got me.
From womanwarrior: Was being a swell dancer a casting requirement? No, it wasn't a requirement. I just love to dance--those scenes were so much fun.
From ariellemarsters: Have you met James Marsters? What's he like? Isn't he hot?! Yeah, I met him. He may be an awful villain, but he's a sweetheart. He's just a nice guy. He's not really English, which threw me off.
From malkavian: Did anything embarrassing happen while you were around the set? I know Alyson and Sarah pantsed Nick one time. David's been known to moon people. Actually, so is Nick, and I have, too. There's a lot of mooning on the set, in general.
From jcbuffyfan: How do you like Faith's revealing wardrobe? In real life, I've been known to throw on some tight black leather--but not on a daily basis. It's tacky and fun. It's better than wearing frills and flowers. It's exciting and dangerous.
From prophecygirl: In your opinion, who's the better slayer? Buffy's better. Come on, the show is Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Faith's less about slaying these days and more about tearing it up in other ways. We have different motives.
From ilovebuffy: How did you feel when you saw the script and it said that Faith and Xander have sex? I laughed. I thought it was hysterical. Me and Nikki hadn't worked together much, but I knew he was a funny guy. I didn't actually anticipate that all the fans would come down on me so much in the mail. They were all mad at me for taking his virginity and that he didn't do it with Willow for the first time.
From kegman: What of the rumors about Sarah not liking Ally? That's all bull. They work together and get along great. They're like sisters. I mean, they occasionally bicker, but they get along great.
From paxman214: Who's the most serious person on the Buffy set? Probably Gareth Davies, one of our producers. He's usually the drill sergeant, and he'll come down and tell people to get their ass in gear.

https://lilybunny.tripod.com/magazines/transcripts/transeliza.html

I hate off days and I'm procrastinating the work I need to do tonight to make up for the work I was supposed to do Thursday when I went to the Kings/Warriors game instead. So let's put off this work a little longer and dive into this road trip.
Thursday 1/25 Kings/Warriors
There's no way we're losing this one. Warriors just can't beat us. Just for giggles, I vote that we make it a close one, we slap Curry around a little bit when the refs aren't looking so their fans lose their minds, and we give it to Steph down a point with like 8 seconds left. Watch him choke and dribble it off his foot or something stupid. Kings win, 1-0
Sunday 1/27 Kings/Mavericks
This is a big one, but I'm not too worried about it. As long as Keegan holds Luka below 70 points, I think we've got it in the bag. I'm hoping they build up a big lead in the first 3.5 quarters and then let off the gas a bit to conserve energy for the rest of the trip. I'm predicting at least two blocks from Keegan on Luka, but if he gets a third, I propose that Keegan now owns Luka and all of his property. Kings win, 2-0
Monday 1/29 King/Grizzlies
The Grizzlies are without Ja Morant and Steven Adams for the season, and it looks like they'll also be without Desmond Bane, Marcus Smart, Brandon Clarke, Jake LaRavia, and maybe even Derrick Rose and Luke Kennard. That's literally their entire team. Kings are rolling and Grizzlies are tanking, so this should be an easy win. But it's almost definitely a Kings loss. Get over it. Kings lose, 2-1.
Wednesday 1/31 Kings/Heat
This should be a good one. Jimmy Butler will do Jimmy Butler things, but if I had money to throw at one of the games in this road trip, it'd be this one. It just has the "Fox makes the game winning shot" feel. Kings win, 3-1.
Friday 2/2 Kings/Pacers
There's simply no way we're winning this game. Haliburton will probably be back, they'll be all juiced up, it's a hard matchup in general for us, and half the Kings fan base will be rooting for the other side. This will probably be a blowout, and we'll get mobbed by insufferable "Brand New Original Thought- Did We Trade the Wrong Guard????!>" posts. I propose we return this sub back into the Lion Kings sub for 24 hours around this day. Kings lose, 3-2.
Saturday 2/3 Kings/Bulls
I know this is a back-to-back and we hate those, especially on a long road trip, but I've got us in the win column in this one. I think they'll be stinging a bit from the loss the night before, and Fox will play mad after he gets a stupid media question like "Do you think the Kings traded the wrong guard?" Bulls aren't good, Kings are mad. Kings win, 4-2.
Monday 2/5 Kings/Cavs
This is another good one, and the Cavs just had an 8-game winning streak broken up by the Bucks, only to beat them two days later. They beat some good teams in that win streak, including the Bucks (again, jesus, they played three times in a week) and Orlando, but there were also a lot of scrubs in that stretch. Cleveland sits at 27-16, 5th in the East, and they have a mediocre offense (19th in scoring) and great defense (3rd in OPPG). I think great offense beats great defense in this one. Kings win, 5-2.
Hot damn, I'm actually feeling good about this road trip after diving into it. You can take these numbers to the bookie, they're infallible. Once they complete this road trip, they'll be 29-20 heading into a home game against Detroit, who just got pantsed on national TV by the 49ers. So Kings will be 30-20 when they face Denver, good for a .600 win percentage and firmly still in 5th place. Kinda thought we'd move up a bit, but I'm ok with 5th.
Discuss.