Fever.sore throat.joint stiffness.fatigue.neck swollen

Does anyone have any tips for living with symptoms but no official diagnosis (or support from family/healthcare providers)?
I have listed my symptoms below and explained a bit of my story under spoilers, as to not detract from the general request for advice, only provide context.
Symptoms: - severe joint pain in my hands, fingers, toes, knees, hips, shoulders, and my jaw - joint stiffness in my knees, elbows, shoulders, fingers, and hands - the combination of joint pain and stiffness in my shoulders has made it so I cannot eat or cook without having to intermittently change hands - right inner elbow has been consistently swollen with a sac of fluid for over 7 years now - can't carry a 5lb bag of sweet potatoes for less than five minutes in the grocery store without getting tired and dizzy - will experience discolouration and numbness in my hands and feet. If I sit down for more than twenty minutes, my feet will start turning purple--my friends in school used to call me corpse feet (affectionate, I hope). My hands can discolour while I'm shopping for groceries. If I get cold my fingers and toes will turn purple then white and lose all feeling. - my feet will go numb, without warning, while I'm driving. It doesn't matter if I have been driving for twenty minutes or an hour, I risk my feet going numb and making it difficult to gauge pressure on gas/brake - I get severe nerve pain in my arms that travels up my arm, not down. No inciting movements or actions that trigger the nerve pain. It has happened while I was driving, cooking, stirring a vinaigrette for my grandma. - chronic severe chest pain that has led me to think I was having a heart attack over seven times (if I ever had a heart attack, I'd probably just think "it's just the pain" and miss it). It gets worse when I take a deep breath and can make me feel short of breath - joint stiffness in the mornings and evenings especially - muscle pain... everywhere - sun sensitivity that causes severe migraines, rashes on my arms (and on my cheeks), and fatigue. I cannot be out in the sun for more than twenty minutes without feeling nauseous and wanting to hide in the dark like a vampire (cravings for blood, thankfully, isn't one of my symptoms) - sores in my mouth - severe fatigue (waking up feels exhausting in itself) that can leave me nearly falling asleep at restaurants with my family and struggling to keep my eyes open while driving - brain fog - sore and dry eyes - all of my joints pop (even my jaw) - blurry vision as if under water, no warning before it happens - vertigo - weakness (cannot grip stuff very well and have struggled to open ziploc bags while trying to give my cats treats) - ears ringing - low grade fevers (had a weekend where it wouldn't drop below 40 degrees Celsius but it tends to stick around 37-38 degrees Celsius) - positive ANA of 1:160 with coarse speckled pattern
My Story:
I have had joint pain, swelling, and stiffness since I was 14 years old. I'm 25 now. Most of my symptoms I have been experiencing for almost a decade now. I have a family history of rheumatoid arthritis and have had a doctor test my blood for rheumatoid factor but it always came back within regular range. Two years ago, I tested positive for ANA after my chronic illness caused me to lose my job. It was first 1:160 then 1:80 when we tested again a couple months later.
The world then shut down due to Covid and I had numerous doctors tell me they wouldn't see me unless I tested positive for Covid. I understand. It was an incredibly difficult time for healthcare workers.
My symptoms, however, did not care about the overworked healthcare system and continued to interfere with my day-to-day life.
I have had an MRI done to check my spine and neck, confirming there's nothing pinched that would be causing my nerve pain. The doctor ended up telling me it might be because I was born premature and I'll just have to live with it.
I have had ultrasounds and a CT scan done on my swollen elbow and never heard anything back which I'm choosing to take as "we didn't see anything alarming".
Now I am scared to drive alone due to my symptoms and live in constant pain. I have tried to see doctors about this and have been told "you're too young to have these issues" or "it's probably depression, you're too young for it to be anything else"... I finally got into a new doctor and they sent a referral for me to see a rheumatologist, especially given my previous positive ANA test.
Rheumatologist wanted updated bloodwork. All my bloodwork came back in normal range. My doctor point-blank told me "there's nothing wrong with you, your blood is fine, a rheumatologist will not help you" and then told me my symptoms are too complex for me to continue seeing them... so that feels a little like a kick in the stomach.
My mom, who means well, and lives with her own chronic pain, tells me it's because I don't have a routine (I have t been able to find a new job after losing another job due to my medical issues) and if I had a strict routine I wouldn't have so many issues. She's also of the opinion you need to just find the energy to combat fatigue...
I feel alone a lot of the time and like I'm trapped in my body that's failing on me.
If anyone has any tips, I would greatly appreciate it.

So for the past two months or so I’ve had a sexual relationship with this woman. When we got together, I had just gotten out of a three year relationship and so had she. I knew I was clean, but even though I know it was stupid I never asked her because she had been in such a long relationship I took it that she was as well.
Regardless, last Thursday, the 23rd, I started to have throat and ear pain. It started on the right side of my throat ear, and over the next few days moved to the left. I got checked for strep and Covid, negative for both. Now here I am 8 days later, my throat no longer hurts but is a bit scratchy, I have some soreness in my hip joints/legs, and I’ve been nauseous and had a loss of appetite.
I haven’t had a fever, rash, headache, diarrhea, or vomiting. I got tested today but have to wait 3 days for the results. I’m just wondering if someone can calm me down or worry me even more.

IMPORTANT SAFETY INFORMATION & INDICATIONS Do not use if you are allergic to dupilumab or to any of the ingredients in DUPIXENT®. Before using DUPIXENT tell, your healthcare provider about all your medical conditions, including if you: • have eye problems. • have a parasitic (helminth) infection. • are scheduled to receive any vaccinations. You should not receive a “live vaccine” right before and during treatment with DUPIXENT. • are pregnant or plan to become pregnant. It is not known whether DUPIXENT will harm your unborn baby. • A pregnancy registry for women who take DUPIXENT during pregnancy collects information about the health of you and your baby. To enroll or get more information call 1-877-311-8972 or go to https://mothertobaby.org/ongoing-study/dupixent/. • are breastfeeding or plan to breastfeed. It is not known whether DUPIXENT passes into your breast milk. Tell your healthcare provider about all the medicines you take, including prescription and over-the-counter medicines, vitamins, and herbal supplements. Especially tell your healthcare provider if you are taking oral, topical, or inhaled corticosteroid medicines; have asthma and use an asthma medicine; or have atopic dermatitis, chronic rhinosinusitis with nasal polyposis, eosinophilic esophagitis, or prurigo nodularis and also have asthma. Do not change or stop your corticosteroid medicine or other asthma medicine without talking to your healthcare provider. This may cause other symptoms that were controlled by the corticosteroid medicine or other asthma medicine to come back. DUPIXENT can cause serious side effects, including: • Allergic reactions, DUPIXENT can cause allergic reactions that can sometimes be severe. Stop using DUPIXENT and tell your healthcare provider or get emergency help right away if you get any of the following signs or symptoms: breathing problems or wheezing, swelling of the face, lips, mouth, tongue or throat, fainting, dizziness, feeling lightheaded, fast pulse, fever, hives, joint pain, general ill feeling, itching, skin rash, swollen lymph nodes, nausea or vomiting, or cramps in your stomach-area. • Eye problems. Tell your healthcare provider if you have any new or worsening eye problems, including eye pain or changes in vision, such as blurred vision. Your healthcare provider may send you to an ophthalmologist for an exam if needed. • Inflammation of your blood vessels. Rarely, this can happen in people with asthma who receive DUPIXENT. This may happen in people who also take a steroid medicine by mouth that is being stopped or the dose is being lowered. It is not known whether this is caused by DUPIXENT. Tell your healthcare provider right away if you have: rash, chest pain, worsening shortness of breath, a feeling of pins and needles or numbness of your arms or legs, or persistent fever. • Joint aches and pain. Some people who use DUPIXENT have had trouble walking or moving due to their joint symptoms, and in some cases needed to be hospitalized. Tell your healthcare provider about any new or worsening joint symptoms. Your healthcare provider may stop DUPIXENT if you develop joint symptoms. The most common side effects include: • Eczema: injection site reactions, eye and eyelid inflammation, including redness, swelling, and itching, sometimes with blurred vision, dry eye, cold sores in your mouth or on your lips, and high count of a certain white blood cell (eosinophilia). • Asthma: injection site reactions, high count of a certain white blood cell (eosinophilia), pain in the throat (oropharyngeal pain), and parasitic (helminth) infections. • Chronic rhinosinusitis with Nasal Polyposis: injection site reactions, eye and eyelid inflammation, including redness, swelling, and itching, sometimes with blurred vision, high count of a certain white blood cell (eosinophilia), gastritis, joint pain (arthralgia), trouble sleeping (insomnia), and toothache. • Eosinophilic Esophagitis: injection site reactions, upper respiratory tract infections, cold sores in your mouth or on your lips, and joint pain (arthralgia). • Prurigo Nodularis: eye and eyelid inflammation, including redness, swelling, and itching, sometimes with blurred vision, herpes virus infections, common cold symptoms (nasopharyngitis), dizziness, muscle pain, and diarrhea. Tell your healthcare provider if you have any side effect that bothers you or that does not go away. These are not all the possible side effects of DUPIXENT. Call your doctor for medical advice about side effects. You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit www.fda.gov/medwatch, or call 1-800-FDA-1088. Use DUPIXENT exactly as prescribed by your healthcare provider. It’s an injection given under the skin (subcutaneous injection). Your healthcare provider will decide if you or your caregiver can inject DUPIXENT. Do not try to prepare and inject DUPIXENT until you or your caregiver have been trained by your healthcare provider. In children 12 years of age and older, it’s recommended DUPIXENT be administered by or under supervision of an adult. In children 6 months to less than 12 years of age, DUPIXENT should be given by a caregiver. Please see accompanying full Prescribing Information including Patient Information. INDICATIONS DUPIXENT is a prescription medicine used: • to treat adults and children 6 months of age and older with moderate-to-severe eczema (atopic dermatitis or AD) that is not well controlled with prescription therapies used on the skin (topical), or who cannot use topical therapies. DUPIXENT can be used with or without topical corticosteroids. It is not known if DUPIXENT is safe and effective in children with atopic dermatitis under 6 months of age. • with other asthma medicines for the maintenance treatment of moderate-to-severe eosinophilic or oral steroid dependent asthma in adults and children 6 years of age and older whose asthma is not controlled with their current asthma medicines. DUPIXENT helps prevent severe asthma attacks (exacerbations) and can improve your breathing. DUPIXENT may also help reduce the amount of oral corticosteroids you need while preventing severe asthma attacks and improving your breathing. DUPIXENT is not used to treat sudden breathing problems. It is not known if DUPIXENT is safe and effective in children with asthma under 6 years of age. • with other medicines for the maintenance treatment of chronic rhinosinusitis with nasal polyposis (CRSwNP) in adults whose disease is not controlled. It is not known if DUPIXENT is safe and effective in children with chronic rhinosinusitis with nasal polyposis under 18 years of age. • to treat adults and children 1 year of age and older with eosinophilic esophagitis (EoE), who weigh at least 33 pounds (15 kg). It is not known if DUPIXENT is safe and effective in children with eosinophilic esophagitis under 1 year of age, or who weigh less than 33 pounds (15 kg). • to treat adults with prurigo nodularis (PN). It is not known if DUPIXENT is safe and effective in children with prurigo nodularis under 18 years of age.

I’m a 19 year old female, 5ft, 115lbs, currently diagnosed with sle lupus and POTS, I don’t smoke or drink and I don’t take any medication currently.
During the beginning of April I noticed a red rash on my armpits. I just made sure to wash the area really well and switched my deodorant thinking it was irritated and would go away. It didn’t look as bad after a week so I just ignored it. At the end of April I was super sick, my throat was so sore I couldn’t talk, fever, chills, nausea, body aches, headaches, etc. I tested negative for everything and was sent home from urgent care with amoxicillin. I started feeling worse after almost a week and went back with chest pain, congestion, and shortness or breath. I was given a methylpredsolone pack and an inhaler and it eventually went away in a week.
During this my rash got far worse and it looked like a yeast/funal infection. I tried using an over the counter clotrimazole cream but it didn’t help. This last week or two I’ve felt extremely sick again. Extreme on and off stomach pain (upper abdomen on both sides, below my ribs as well as in my rib area), headaches, bloating, fever, chills, fatigue and constipation. I typically have joint pain along with random shooting pains and they have significantly worsened over the week.
I went to urgent care and they gave me methylpredsolone again along with a triamcinolone acetonide cream. My rash is clearing up but I still feel really sick. I’m not sure what to do and if this will clear up or if I should go back to urgent care or the er. I can’t get into my doctor until the end of next month. The urgent care in my town isn’t the best as I live in a bad area but I usually try to avoid er bills so I’m hesitant on going if it isn’t serious.
Just looking for anyone’s thoughts on this and to see if anyone thinks an er trip might be worth it?

20F Hi, so I have these freckles that have been rapidly appearing on both of my feet and ankles since Novemever of last year. All I know is, it's not from the sun, as I barely go out in the sun, especially barefoot. I also have swollen ankles and possibly joint or muscle pain.
I also have some other problems I'm trying to find out with my doctor, such as chest/back/throat pain, but I don't want to keep on adding problems to the list. Should I get this checked our or is it harmless? TIA!

y pots has NOT been getting better. i’ve been doing everything i’m supposed to.
my dad recommended getting a new cardiologist because it’s been 4 months without progress and im getting worse symptoms like horrible dizziness.
found out it’s most likely eds from him today 😞 he said i have mild pots but severe ed’s and it only gets uphill from here but im very worried still about it getting worse even if its not serious.
but every symptom i’ve been stressed about in the past is on the handout he gave me. every thing i was somewhat stress about because it never would show online that it’s a symptom of pots. every thing that i thought may change my whole life. i am so happy that i know now and he said to contact a dysautonomia clinic to get better advice from a place with a more concentrated amount of opinions but im so mad that ive been held back this whole time just because no one knew. i mean seriously everything makes sense now i just need to know how to treat it.
like bad dizziness flushing hands sweaty weak legs in a flare hands purpleish purple lips throat tightness throat numbness tingly hands gastro problems skin bruising nose feels closed pain in neck joints hurt
i don’t know what to feel honestly actually. i had such great teachers and classmates this year and since jan ive been missing most of it because i felt so bad. now i just got this diagnosis and i only have one class left. i really hate it i mean my teachers have been SO understanding and kind and ive made friends that are so nice im going to miss them. how do i make the most of this? i dont know what to do next.
i just started a new routine yesterday after calling this cardiologist and him recommending it of florinef 0.1, 2g salt pills daily, 2 liquid ivs.. it hasn’t helped yet but will it?
also will nasal spray help me with my nose feeling swollen? it feels pretty bad. my allergist tested me, no mcas no allergies. also will a heating pad help my frontal neck pain? not sure if i need specific techniques to this ed s

my pots has NOT been getting better. i’ve been doing everything i’m supposed to.
my dad recommended getting a new cardiologist because it’s been 4 months without progress and im getting worse symptoms like horrible dizziness.
found out it’s most likely eds from him today 😞 he said i have mild pots but severe ed’s and it only gets uphill from here but im very worried still about it getting worse even if its not serious.
but every symptom i’ve been stressed about in the past is on the handout he gave me. every thing i was somewhat stress about because it never would show online that it’s a symptom of pots. every thing that i thought may change my whole life. i am so happy that i know now and he said to contact a dysautonomia clinic to get better advice from a place with a more concentrated amount of opinions but im so mad that ive been held back this whole time just because no one knew. i mean seriously everything makes sense now i just need to know how to treat it.
like bad dizziness flushing hands sweaty weak legs in a flare hands purpleish purple lips throat tightness throat numbness tingly hands gastro problems skin bruising nose feels closed pain in neck joints hurt
i don’t know what to feel honestly actually. i had such great teachers and classmates this year and since jan ive been missing most of it because i felt so bad. now i just got this diagnosis and i only have one class left. i really hate it i mean my teachers have been SO understanding and kind and ive made friends that are so nice im going to miss them. how do i make the most of this? i dont know what to do next.
i just started a new routine yesterday after calling this cardiologist and him recommending it of florinef 0.1, 2g salt pills daily, 2 liquid ivs.. it hasn’t helped yet but will it?
also will nasal spray help me with my nose feeling swollen? it feels pretty bad. my allergist tested me, no mcas no allergies. also will a heating pad help my frontal neck pain? not sure if i need specific techniques to this ed s

(21 year old male) Sunday I woke up with a sore throat, didn’t think much of it, so I drank lots of water and had many cough drops. Monday (Memorial Day) i woke up with a sore throat/fevestomachache for a solid few hours before I went out to eat. It isn’t until Tuesday that I noticed that I have a swollen jaw, I literally look like a toad. It’s insane! I feel the left side of my face is tendehot/ and also aches really bad! It feels like I pulled a muscle or something, and I can’t sleep at night… I’m going to the doctor today to get it checked out, but I’m wondering what I can expect? According to google, it could be the mumps or parotiditis but that can’t be, right?

Credit to Blue for the wonderful cover art
Thank you to:
u/SpacePaladin15, for creating the Nature of Predators universe.
u/blankxlate, author of Sweet Vengeance, for proofreading.
EmClear, aspiring author, for proofreading
You, the reader, for your support.
Please consider reading the works of my proofreaders as they’re all authors of excellent stories and be sure to check the links below for more of my work and beautiful art from members of the community.
The following story takes place shortly after the events of Empty Eyes part 2 but, seeing as Trilvri’s story is very episodic in nature, you should be able to largely understand the story without prior context (though I would definitely recommend you give the full story a chance!)
I don’t typically believe in giving content warnings, but I have been advised to give one here. This one is a little fucked up and involves some very bad things being done both by and to minors. Consider yourself warned.
[Empty Eyes] [Nature of Family Master List]
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Empty Eyes: Children of the Grave
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Memory transcription subject: E̶͉̖̺̣͇̽̔̓̃͑̂̍̍͝Ŗ̸͈̙̭̼̝͛̃̍̃̆Ṛ̶͖̙̩͐̆͝Ȍ̷̡̱̞̳̹̩͙̩̼͚͛R̵̝̽̈͑̌̑̐́̊̍͝!
Date [standardised human time]: E̶͉̖̺̣͇̽̔̓̃͑̂̍̍͝Ŗ̸͈̙̭̼̝͛̃̍̃̆Ṛ̶͖̙̩͐̆͝Ȍ̷̡̱̞̳̹̩͙̩̼͚͛R̵̝̽̈͑̌̑̐́̊̍͝!
Transcription data heavily fragmented…Attempting post-mortem reconstruction…
E̶͉̖̺̣͇̽̔̓̃͑̂̍̍͝Ŗ̸͈̙̭̼̝͛̃̍̃̆Ṛ̶͖̙̩͐̆͝Ȍ̷̡̱̞̳̹̩͙̩̼͚͛R̵̝̽̈͑̌̑̐́̊̍͝!
Evidence of neural pathway tampering detected…Suspicion of attempted obstruction of justice…Decoding memory encryption…
Decoding…
Decoding…
Partial reconstruction complete…Full reconstruction ongoing…
Memory transcription subject: Trilvri, VSC Penitent Fleet Cadet (age 8 approx.)
Approximate Date [standardised human time]: 2123
The booted foot connects solidly with my skull once more, eliciting a banal sense of drudgery and tedium as I blink away the dots in my vision to stare into the face of Razvik. He’s a Venlil, like me, white of wool and sour of complexion. He too bears the hallmark scars of his time interred in a predator disease facility: friction burns over the wrists and ankles where shackles rubbed the skin raw, an arc pattern spread across the throat and chest from his shock collar, and lopsided facial features born of a collision with a truncheon where the bones failed to set properly. He probably thinks the slightly slack-jawed appearance makes him look tough. His two henchmen certainly seem to think so standing beside him, too weak and cowardly to make it on their own, choosing instead to trust their fates to Razvik.
It’s a sensible choice… almost. Razvik is big, one of the oldest among our group, and fully endowed by the blessings of puberty. Something most of the rest of us probably won’t live long enough to experience for ourselves. Until the paw when we inevitably meet our fate, digested inside of an Arxur’s stomach or scattered to vapours of dust amid the wreckage of our ships, however, we need to contend with the self proclaimed ‘apex predator’s’ rule. We stand little chance fighting back against a teenager, almost a man in full, and he knows it. What those who follow him seem to forget though, is that Razvik has no loyalty. No empathy to speak of. He’s just as broken as the rest of us, and he’ll turn on those who follow him just as quickly as anyone else. They’re just being saved for last.
“What’s the matter, Dead-Meat?” He sneers at me, baring his teeth in a snarl as he looks down on my form crumpled up into a ball on the floor. “Still not gonna fight back?”
Silent contempt is my armour as I lay on the floor, glaring up into his face with unblinking, unbroken eyes. I survived the facilities. I will survive this. All I have to do is what I’ve always done and I’ll make it through. Endure. Compartmentalise the external and float in a sea of the subconscious mind. Nothing he can do to my body could ever compare to the tortures I’ve borne already. Nerves, long-ago fried beyond all practical use, barely even register pain anymore, simply a dull sense of pressure that lets me know when something is killing me; and I doubt he can do more damage to my brain with just his foot than three cycles of constant electroshock and chemical experimentation already have.
“You know what, Dead-Meat?” Razvik stops to ponder me for a moment, stalking up and down the floor in front of me. “It’s almost not even worth the trouble of brahking with you anymore. You don’t have any kind of reaction no matter what we do. You’re like a vacant brahking doll. Mute more often than not. Useless. I’m half tempted to try shoving my cock up your ass to see if I can get some kind of pleasure out of you that way, but I get the feeling even that wouldn’t get through to you. Besides, it’s no fun if they don’t scream a little when I do it.”
The lackey to his left, a young Venlil boy with brown wool and a face that could almost be considered cute if not for a long scar running through his left eye to his lip, looks aside. An uncomfortable look of shame and humiliation rests upon his face as his tail curls submissively around his leg.
“You know why I keep doing it though?” Razvik asks me. “It’s because of that brahking look in your eyes. The way you look at me like I’m dirt, like you think you’re better than me. I hate it. Well let me tell you something, you’re not better than me. The Commander said it himself, who you were before you got here isn’t worth speh. Your mommy and daddy aren't gonna come in here and save you no matter how much of a big-shot they are, so get used to it.”
Never once have I tried using my Mother or Fathers names to help me. It’s been three cycles since I last saw either of them, since I’d last heard anything about them.
“I have no son… Do what you want with him…”
His final words echo in memory, a painful reminder of my failure in his eyes. For a while I had held out hope that they would change their minds, that they would come back for me, save me… In truth, I am as dead to them as they are now to me. The truth doesn’t matter to Razvik though. A sharp kick in the ribs returns my focus to the present moment as he continues to lecture, taking pleasure in extolling his own might and power over those weaker than himself.
“Pay attention when I’m talking, Dead-Meat.” He says. “All that matters in here is survival of the fittest, rule by force, and let me tell you, I’m the apex predator in here. I’m the alpha, the number one. So you’d best shape up and learn that, quick. The next time I tell you something you’d better do it pronto, without any backtalk or predatory looks. Next time you even think of giving me a reason I might just pluck those offensive little eyes of yours right out of your head for good.”
A flick of the tail sends his two goons over to me, kicking and stomping, aiming for vital points and exposed areas of soft flesh. I curl myself into a dense little ball, weathering the storm of blows with stoic indifference as I ward off the worst of the assault with arms and legs. Razvik saunters over to the cafeteria table to retrieve my tray, the inciting incident for this paws events, and upturns it, spilling the contents all over me and onto the floor.
“Make sure to get me something better for the next meal.” He says as he turns to walk away. “I need plenty of calories if I’m gonna keep my strength up.”
The other cadets watch from the sidelines as I pick myself up off the floor and salvage what food I can. It’s undeniable that this display would cost me in the future, a weak link never goes un-exploited, but there’s nothing to be done about it. I don’t have the power to change my fate. All I can do is endure.
A pair of compliance officers enter the mess hall and everyone immediately lines themselves up at attention, not wanting to garner attention or provoke our wardens ire. I don’t even have a chance. Covered in fruit juices and slops of gruel as I am, they take notice of me immediately.
My teeth clamp shut with force and I topple to the ground with searing pain racing up my leg as the first officer to reach me jabs into my thigh with an electrified baton.
“Filthy brahking predator,” he says, pressing his weapon into the small of my back to send out another jolt for added emphasis, “you’re so ungrateful you won’t even eat the food we’ve so generously provided for you. It seems you still need another lesson about penance for your actions.”
“Everyone else, into the showers!” The second officer waves his baton around the room, issuing his command. “Wash away whatever taint you can and get to your bunks for some shut-eye. Next paw won’t be any easier than this one, so get to it!”
He points his baton down at me. “You! I want this floor so clean that a proper sapient could eat off of it! Then get your ass down to the showers! The longer you take the less time you get for rest claw!”
The two officers stand around and watch me as I clean, scrubbing the polished floors until I could see my own reflection staring back at me, a vacuous little black Venlil with angry, blood-orange eyes simmering with distant hatred and rebellious malcontent. Eventually, and after the officers had their own fun, prolonging my punishment whilst chiding and ‘encouraging’ me with the occasional zap to hurry up, I finished.
Making my way down the sterile white hallway of the orbital station I arrive at the showers to find them deserted. No surprise there. Everyone else is presumably already asleep at this point, taking advantage of the rare privilege that is ‘sleep’ to bask in the wonders of nonexistence, of not being here. I hope to join them soon enough.
Cold water runs down my body, washing away the now caked-on bits of foodstuff down the drain, sending shivers down my spine as I shudder from the sudden drop in temperature. Rumour has it that the compliance officers get warm showers. Personally, I’m not sure if I believe it, though it would seem fitting if for no other reason than it would make us all the more miserable for knowing it.
As I make my way through the drying tunnel I can hear something in the distance, a quiet sobbing. I creep around the corner, silent and unseen as I balance on the soft pads of my feet. Looking out I can see Razvin and his two thugs up to their typical behaviour, cornering a small Gojid boy. I recognize him from my first day in the Corps, a quiet and sensitive lad prone to fits of tears and depression. I think his name was… Ganjeem. It’s a wonder how he managed to get into this program at all with how sensitive he is, but then again the Penitents will take just about anyone with a positive diagnosis, even if the particular subset of predator disease doesn’t showcase itself with the more violent tendencies of someone like Razvik
“That’s right, cry you little piece of speh.” Razvik grabs Ganjeem by the jaw, digging blue-stained claws into his face and pressing him up against the wall. “I’m gonna get my enjoyment out of you one way or another…”
I don’t know Ganjeem very well. I can’t even say I’ve ever really had a conversation with him. He’s as much a stranger to me as anyone else on this station, just another face in the crowd. Still, looking at him there in the corner, knowing what’s about to happen… Something stirs in my heart, a feeling I haven’t known in cycles, and it compels me to act.
“Leave him alone.” I state the order clearly, without excessive threats and bluster. I’m making a poor decision, picking a fight I know I can’t win, but I do it anyway. I feel like I don’t really have a choice.
“Oh, look who’s back for more?” Razvik turns to face me, his erect manhood displayed proudly. “Dead-Meat didn’t learn his lesson earlier. I’ll tell you what though,” he licks his misaligned lips in disgusting fashion, “I like this new energy. I might actually be able to have some fun with you this time. It seems I must have struck a nerve. Who is this little brat to you? I’m not stealing your little boy-toy from you, am I?”
“I don’t know him at all.” I answer coldly. “I’ve never even spoken to him before. Now let him go.”
“Huh, is that so?” Razvik seems genuinely surprised, perplexed by the idea that I might try to help someone I don’t know, the concept utterly foreign to him. “Doesn’t matter I suppose.” He flicks his tail with a snap and flexes his claws as he looks me in the eye. “Boys, bring him over here so I can have my fun with him. I got a certain promise from earlier that I need to uphold.”
E̶͉̖̺̣͇̽̔̓̃͑̂̍̍͝Ŗ̸͈̙̭̼̝͛̃̍̃̆Ṛ̶͖̙̩͐̆͝Ȍ̷̡̱̞̳̹̩͙̩̼͚͛R̵̝̽̈͑̌̑̐́̊̍͝!
Memory transcription interrupted…Beginning playback…
Memory transcription subject: Trilvri, Venlil Child (age 5 approx.)
Approximate Date [standardised human time]: 2120
“Mother, please!” I decry, the blazing desert sun overhead, bearing down on me with an intensity almost as merciless as hers. “We’ve been at this all paw! I just don’t get it! I’m exhausted and everything hurts! Please! I just want a break…”
My every limb aches, spasming with an acidic burn of exertion that renders me almost unable to stand or close my paw. Try as I might, I can't stop my paws from shaking. My every breath is laboured, bought at the expense of pain in my ribs and a sour taste in my lungs. A patchwork of swollen bruises are beginning to form under my wool and across my whole body where I’ve been struck. I don’t know how much longer I can keep going like this. I don’t know how I’ve even made it this far.
“No breaks!” Mother is strict in her instruction, draconian even, demanding perfection in every measure. “Maybe some people can afford to postpone their training until they’re old enough to officially join the Guild, but not you. Not my Son. We will continue working you through the forms until you can do it flawlessly!”
“But, Mother…” I plead, desperate for release, “It… It hurts…”
“Life is pain, Trilvri,” Mother answers dismissively, “and the sooner you learn that the better. Maybe you don’t appreciate it now, but this, all of this, is for your own good. You have a legacy to live up to and your Father and I will accept nothing less. You have the makings of greatness in you, it’s in your blood, but potential means nothing if you don’t use it. That requires effort. That requires pain. You’ll thank me for this someday. Now, do it again!”
“Yes, Ma’am.” I say reluctantly, still eager to please, still desperate to be loved.
Memory transcription restored…Resuming playback…
I catch the first assailant's paw by the wrist mid-swing, turning it over and throwing him over my hip with a savage snap, slamming him down hard onto the slick tile floor. Kneeling down to drop my full body weight on the joints, I compress the shoulder and elbow, breaking it in two more places, before delivering a swift punch to the throat. He barely even has time to scream as his airway starts to swell and his attention becomes singularly fixated on continuing to breathe. He’d live… probably.
It’s a surprise that I still know how to do this. It’s been at least three cycles since I’d first learned the basics and this was the first time I’d ever actually had to put any of it into practice against real opponents. Still, I suppose some things, once learned, are just impossible to forget.
The brown one with the almost-cute face is next. He hesitates for just a moment at the sight of me, completely acclimated to my typical docility and wholly unprepared for such swift and unexpected resistance. That hesitation is what does him in. With my back foot already chambered beneath me in the crouched stance, I spring out with a back kick, pressing my front paws against the floor for balance. The kick takes him in the face, raking claws up his unblemished side in a ragged trio of cuts that tear out an eyeball. That one is certain to leave a scar, but maybe he should thank me? I’m sure that he’ll be receiving less attention from Razvik now that he’s no longer pretty.
He hollers and screams, clutching at his face and screeching as he fumbles around blindly with sightless eyes, falling over himself and crashing to the floor. From down the hall I can hear the other cadets start to rise from their slumber and make their way over to investigate the disturbance. Normal prey would run and hide at such a commotion, but for these predators the scent of blood in the water only seems to draw them nearer. It seems we’ll be putting on a show.
“You bastard!” Razvik rushes me, bearing down on me with his full might as the others begin to arrive.
Crossing my arms in front of me I’m just barely able to take the blow, thrown across the room by the force and colliding with a toilet. The ceramic shatters with a crash as my back makes contact with it, driving the air from my lungs. It takes me only a moment to recover myself, the dull throb of pain all along my spine letting me know that it’s not good, but it seems I’ve managed to avoid outright breaking my back at least. Still, a moment is all it takes for Razvik to catch up with me.
He towers over me, a colossal white pillar of sadistic wrath, and wraps his fingers tightly around my throat. His supple hands squeeze hard, making my neck pop and tingle as he strangles the life out of me.
“Yeah…” He says, enraptured in ecstasy, “This is much better. It turns out you can be a fun little toy afterall. I’m looking forward to all the wonderful experiences we’re going to share. Aren’t you, Dead-Meat?”
My foot flies up between his legs with a savage snap-kick and I can feel his testicles rupture on impact, an orange stain spreading quickly out his crotch. His eyes go wide with shock and his voice pitches upward into a shrill squeak. Now isn’t the time to stop and admire my handiwork though. Seizing on the opportunity I reach behind me and grab the first thing I can find, the heavy back-lid of the toilet. Swinging it around with all my might, I crash it into his left knee, snapping it with a sickening crunch at a ninety degree angle.
Razvik flounders on the floor, reeling from the pain of his crippled limb and his existence as a newly made eunuch. His eyes are the most viscous window of hate imaginable, giving a glimpse into his sickeningly warped, predatory soul. He reaches up a paw to claw at me with a growl, and I swat it back down with a thwack of the lid, snapping three of his fingers back facing the wrong direction in the process.
“I’ll kill you!” He screams at me, barely coherent. “You’ll pay for this! You’ll suffer! You’re Dead-Meat! You hear me! Dead!”
He attempts to reach for me again with his other paw, and again I smack it away with much the same result. A howl of impotent rage and pain reverberates throughout the room. I look around at the assembled faces of my fellow cadets, watching as they wait and evaluate me, seeing what it is I’ll do next. Judging, re-evaluating their own place on the social hierarchy, and trying to figure out if they have what it takes to be on top. All they have to do… is claim that title from me…
The words of my Father come unbidden to my mind.
“Predators are not like you and me, Son. They are savage and uncivilised, devoid of empathy or mercy. The only thing they understand is force, domination, naked violence in its purest sense. When dealing with such monsters you can never show weakness, you can never back down, and you must always present yourself as an unchallengeable, indomitable threat worthy of fear and respect… or else they’ll eat you alive.”
I meet the gaze of the audience, see their questioning faces, and tighten my grip on the lid. I will see their challenge, and I will meet it head on. Simply enduring is no longer enough to survive, not under these conditions. I need to act, to prove myself. I need to become untouchable, unreachable, unconquerable. I need to become someone that none of them will ever dare to cross ever again. I need… to make an example.
“No,” I say to Razvik, my tone as cold and sharp as steel, “you’re Dead-Meat.”
I slam the lid down onto his other knee, shattering it into a million pieces. He screams; obscenities, threats, curses. It doesn’t matter. I know what needs to be done. I straddle his body and work my way up his legs, crushing thigh bones, crushing his pelvis, his spine, and his ribs. Slowly and meticulously I crush every bone in his body, prolonging his suffering and caving in his entire chest cavity. Shards of bone crack and pop through the skin, puncturing organs and spilling blood across the floor, spiralling down through the drain. Razvik is a gibbering mess, his once proud boasts and threats devolved into a series of pleading cries, begging for someone, anyone, to save him. They don’t.
I could end this quickly, a quick blow to the head delivered at just the right angle would put him out of his misery at once. Part of me almost wants to do that. Razvik is a cruel and sadistic man, someone fully deserving of the label ‘predator’, but with every blow of the lid landing upon his body like a hammer strike I can feel a small piece of my own soul breaking away. I want to, but no. This is purposeful. This is a tactical cruelty, not simply cruelty for cruelties sake. Intended and executed to send a message that will be understood and remembered by everyone here for the rest of their short, miserable lives.
Don’t brahk with me. I’m not worth the risk.
Razvik goes silent now, words unable to be drawn from perforated lungs. He quivers and shakes, more an involuntary seizure than anything intentional, his body unable to sustain itself amid the massive and systemic trauma I’ve inflicted on it. With a final crash I slam the lid into the amorphous bag of pulped flesh and splintered bone that is his chest, shattering my improvised weapon on the tile floor beneath.
I rise to my feet, covered in blood that’s not my own and panting from the exertion. I look out, and the faces that meet mine turn away, cowed by the grisly display of dominance. None would be willing to risk an open confrontation with me. Not anymore.
“Ganjeem?” I ask, scanning the herd of onlookers for the figure of the scared little Gojid that had started it all, “Are you ok?”
He looks at me, more fear and terror on his face than even Razvik had instilled in him. He runs away the moment my eyes meet his, screaming. I may have saved him, but in his view I had become the thing all good prey fear most, a wild predator. A monster devoid of empathy or mercy. Just another chained beast aboard the Penitent Fleet, just one more weapon in the Commander's arsenal, no different than any other. I had succeeded in my goals, wildly and beyond all expectations. The ceaseless bullying, the endless torment would stop. I am untouchable, and I am completely, utterly, alone…
Memory transcription interrupted…Fragmentation increasing…Related transcription file located…Beginning playback…
Memory transcription subject: Brykin, VSC Penitent Fleet Commander
Date [standardised human time]: August 18th, 2123
“Commander, please,” one of the new administrative overseers sees fit to voice her uneducated and unwanted opinion as I watch the live camera feed, “this has gone too far. One of the children is dead, a second is dying, and the third may never be able to fly again! This is unconscionable! It’s sickening! We need to stop this! We never should have let it get this far! We knew that Cadet Razvik was a particularly unstable individual and that he was terrorising the other penitents, but we still didn’t do anything, and now look at what's happened!”
“Of course he was unstable,” I answer tactfully, “they all are. Don’t allow appearances to deceive you. Every one of these cadets has been selected on the basis of their predatory nature and their potential for killing. None of them should be considered anything even close to an actual child. They are simply predators disguised as such, and it is our responsibility to ensure we make the best use of them that we can.”
“We’re not going to get any use out of them if they all wind up killing each other!” The fledgling overseer refuses to see reason and drop the issue, but then again, I suppose not everyone can be so enlightened as myself.
“They are simply predators being predators.” I answer patiently, hoping to guide and nurture understanding in our new hire. “Culling their own packs of the weak is how they develop and grow. It’s an expected part of the process. Cadet Razvik may have been a promising candidate, but in the end he proved himself to be insufficient. In his death, at least, he serves to strengthen those that remain. In this program there’s never any guarantee that the cadets we’re given will be moulded into good soldiers, but with any luck we may still be able to salvage something useful out of this batch. There’s almost always at least one in the bunch…”
I look back to the screen, watching as Cadet Trilvri exits the room, the rest of his class parting ways to make room for his departure.
—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N - Hello all! Well that was certainly a rather dark chapter wasn’t it? I do hope you’ve enjoyed this glimpse into Trilvri’s early days as a cadet in the Penitents and witnessing his very first kill. As a fun fact for you guys, this chapter was partly inspired by Ender Wiggins killing of Stilson in Ender's Game. The song for this chapter is, rather appropriately, Children of the Grave by Black Sabbath and try as Trilvri might to make a better world the Penitents remain Children of the Grave. As a second “Fun Fact” there is actually a second song I was considering for this chapter, First Blood by First Blood, which also seems rather fitting. In the end though I decided Children of the Grave just fit the overall story better.
If you like the story then please remember to upvote, comment, and use the “!Subscribeme” function to be alerted to all new posts. I post as often as I can but real life has a tendency of getting in the way and my job makes it almost impossible to keep to any kind of schedule. Your engagement and support go a long way towards helping to keep me on track and motivated, so thank you very much for reading and I hope you'll stay tuned for next chapter!

Two weeks ago today, I hooked up with a guy who was in town visiting. I bottomed and it was unprotected and he ejaculated inside me. Now yesterday and today I have had a slight fever, the worst headache I have had in a long time, muscle aches, nausea, fatigue and a sore throat. Also have a minor dry cough. No swollen lymph nodes though. How worried do I need to be?

I received an unprotected oral sex 16 days ago from a man of unknown status and I’ve noticed a rash at the base of my neck and around my upper chest appeared 12 days in. The redness almost faded away by now and it doesn’t feel like anything. No sensation of pain or burn. There are this pink/pale red small bumps remaining and I can see that a few more popped up in the following days. As soon as some of them went away another one popped up. Also, I don’t know if it’s because of the nerves but my neck, throat and ears felt like why are under pressure which led me to suspect I might have swollen lymph nodes but I couldn’t feel any tenderness or unusually large bumps around those areas. I don’t know if he had any ulcers or sores in his mouth when he was blowing me but I think I had some friction burns around the penis shaft cause I was masturbating a bit before that.
Now last night, this bright red ulcebump/spot appeared in my mouth under the tongue. It doesn’t feel itchy or painful or anything. It’s just there.
Mouth: https://imgur.com/nFe878D
Chest 5 days ago: https://imgur.com/UWEERvF
Chest Now: https://imgur.com/w4F194L https://imgur.com/NGlEpmV
I don’t have fever or night sweats but feels a bit dull and tired with elevated heartbeats which could just be because of my nerves. I’m planning to get tested in like two/ three weeks but any opinions on what could it be?

Unfortunately caught the flu a few days ago, and am having the classic symptoms (severe chills, joint pain, sore throat, runny nose, aching, cold hands and feet, weakness) however my temp is still sitting at 98. Never gotten this sick with no fever before. Not sure if it’s related to PSSD, or if my immune system has been messed up from the condition, very strange. First time getting sick since PSSD.

[Main Story] [1] [2] [3]
Firelight cast flickering shadows across the walls of the chieftain's hut. Gribble sat cross-legged on the dirt floor, his striking yellow eyes fixed on Chief Gnarltooth, his grandfather. The old goblin's deep voice rumbled as he spoke, wisdom gleaned from countless years leading the clan.
Gribble's unruly mop of black hair fell across his forehead as he leaned forward, hanging on every word. Tales of bravery, of hard-fought victories against rival clans. Of the challenges of uniting squabbling goblins under a single banner.
Chief Gnarltooth stood tall and proud, corded muscles rippling beneath green skin crisscrossed with battle scars. His long beard more gray than black now, but no less impressive. He gestured with a gnarled hand, a simple iron band encircling one thick finger.
The day would come when Gribble would wear that ring. When he would wield the chief's spear and lead the clan to glory. For now, he was content to learn. To soak up the wisdom of his grandfather, the greatest chieftain the goblins had ever known.
Grubnik ducked into the hut, a freshly-snared rabbit dangling from one hand. Gribble's father moved with the easy grace of a born hunter, green eyes sparkling in the firelight. He crossed to the hearth and set about skinning and spitting the carcass.
Gribble smiled up at him, heart swelling with love and pride. No one could track prey like his father. No one was kinder or more patient. When Gribble struggled with a new skill - setting snares, or fletching arrows - Grubnik was always there with a gentle word of encouragement.
Grubnik looked up from his work, winking at his son. His strong, angular features so like Gribble's own. He often said Gribble had his mother's eyes though. Mika's eyes.
Gribble's smile faltered. He had no memory of his mother, taken by fever when he was still a babe. But he had the stories. Of her gentle heart, her clever hands that could coax healing from plants and weave baskets so tight they held water. Of the way her amber eyes danced when she laughed.
Grubnik caught his son's gaze, his own eyes softening with shared sorrow. He reached out and squeezed Gribble's shoulder, rough palm warm through the worn fabric of his tunic. A silent promise. I'm here. You are not alone.
They both looked up at the sound of heavy footfalls. Grimrock shouldered his way into the hut, his bulk filling the doorway. Gribble's uncle had a flat, brutish face, with small dark eyes that always seemed to be glaring. A puckered scar ran down his right cheek, twisting his mouth into a permanent sneer.
Where Grubnik was lithe and quick, Grimrock was all brute strength. Cords of muscle strained against too-tight skin, his green hide crisscrossed with pale scars. He wore a shirt of scavenged chainmail, the dull silver links straining to contain his bulk.
Grubnik's eyes narrowed, but he said nothing. Just jerked his chin in the barest nod of greeting before turning back to the roasting rabbit, jabbing at the coals with a bit more force than necessary. Chief Gnarltooth watched his sons, ancient eyes unreadable in the flickering light.
Gribble's belly churned. He didn't understand the tension between his father and uncle. The dark looks, the weighted silences. He knew only that Grimrock seemed to resent Grubnik. Resent that he would one day lead the clan, as the eldest son.
Grimrock's gaze fell on Gribble, as if sensing his thoughts. His eyes glittered, hard and black as obsidian. His mouth curled into something that was not quite a smile, baring pointed yellow teeth.
Gribble looked away, skin prickling. He suddenly wished he was anywhere else. Out in the forest, practicing with his little bow. Checking the snares for rabbits. Anywhere but here, pinned under his uncle's cold stare.
Grubnik cleared his throat, drawing Grimrock's attention back to him as surely as if he'd shouted. He gestured to the carcass on the spit, fat sizzling as it dripped into the flames.
We'll be eating well tonight, looks like.
Grimrock grunted, moving to take a seat on a low stool near the fire. The wood creaked alarmingly under his weight. He leaned forward, elbows on knees, to watch the cooking meat. The orange light flickered across the hard planes and angles of his face, darkening the hollows of his eyes to pits.
Gribble hugged his knees to his chest, suddenly cold despite the warmth of the fire. His gaze kept crawling back to Grimrock, to the resentment simmering behind his eyes. A shiver walked up his spine, prickling the hairs on the back of his neck.
Chief Gnarltooth settled himself on a hump of dark patterned fur - a throne in all but name. He leaned his spear against the wall and started picking burrs from his beard, clever fingers flicking them into the fire.
Your snares are pulling in more meat than Raggok's, Grubnik. Old fool's like to chew off his own foot if you don't take over trapline soon.
Grubnik looked up with a crooked grin, eyes glinting with mischief. Aw, don't be too hard on him. He only caught his ankle the once.
Chief Gnarltooth barked a laugh, chest shaking with mirth. He slapped a broad hand against his thigh, the sound ringing through the smoky air of the hut.
Grimrock snorted. His dark glare was locked on his brother, jaw muscles working as if biting back words that wanted to spill out. His fists clenched atop his knees, thick fingers digging into the rough flesh.
Gribble watched warily, chewing his lower lip. He wanted to ask what was wrong. Wanted to crawl into his father's lap like he used to when he was smaller, to feel the rumble of his laughter. But something held him back - some animal instinct that said to be still, be quiet, don't draw attention.
So he sat, holding himself small and silent, waiting for the tension to break. Praying to the spirits that it wouldn't come to blows. Not again. The last time his father and uncle had fought, Grimrock sent Grubnik through the wall of the smithy. Grubnik walked with a limp for days after, though he never spoke of it.
The spit creaked as Grubnik turned the rabbit, the skin crisping to a rich golden brown. Juices dripped and hissed in the flames. Gribble's mouth watered at the rich scent, despite the sour tangle of dread in his gut.
Grimrock leaned forward abruptly, snatching the spit from its cradle. Grubnik opened his mouth as if to protest, but bit it back at a look from Chief Gnarltooth. The old chieftain watched his second son through narrowed eyes.
Grimrock tore a haunch from the carcass with his bare hands, ignoring his father's grunt of disapproval. He shoved the meat into his mouth and chewed noisily, grease smearing his chin. All the while his hard gaze never left his brother's face, as if daring him to say something.
Grubnik looked away, grabbing a wooden trencher and slicing off a portion of rabbit with quick, precise motions. He set it in front of Gribble with a wink and a rueful half-smile. Eat up, pup. Gotta keep your strength up.
Gribble accepted the food with mumbled thanks, eyes on his lap. He picked at it with his fingers, appetite withered under the weight of the icy silence. Across the fire, Grimrock continued to tear at the carcass, cracking bones with his teeth to get at the marrow.
They ate without speaking. The only sounds were the pop and hiss of the fire, the wet smack of Grimrock's chewing. Gribble forced down a few bites, each one a dry lump in his throat. Dread sank icy claws into his belly and squeezed.
When the last scrap of meat was gone, Grimrock tossed the splintered bones into the fire and wiped his greasy hands on his breeches. He leaned back, idly picking at his teeth with a sharpened nail.
Yer can't baby the boy forever, Grubnik. His eyes cut to Gribble, glittering with malice. Kid's got to toughen up if he's to be any use to the clan.
Gribble froze, rabbit halfway to his mouth. Shame and anger burned hot beneath his skin, warring in his chest. He grit his teeth and stared hard at his plate, willing his eyes to stop prickling.
Grubnik's hands flexed, knuckles standing out white under the green. His voice was tight and controlled, barely above a growl. He'll be a fine hunter. Best we've seen in generations. Got his mother's keen eyes.
A hollow barking laugh. Sure, could shoot a leaf off a tree. Still wet behind the ears though, ain't he? All them stories you been fillin' his head with. Glory and honor and that rot.
A snarl rumbled up from Grubnik's chest. He set his plate aside with exaggerated care and stood, body coiled with tension like a snake about to strike.
Gribble watched his father with wide eyes, heart thudding almost painfully behind his ribs. He wanted to cry out, to beg them not to fight. But his tongue was nailed to the floor of his mouth, useless.
Chief Gnarltooth stood abruptly, faded eyes flashing a warning. Enough. Both of you. His voice cracked like a whip in the smoky air, freezing his sons in their tracks. There was a mountain's weight of authority in that single word, honed by decades of leadership.
Outside, now. Gribble, stay here.
Grubnik and Grimrock filed out into the night, shoulders tight with resentment. Gnarltooth followed close behind, a silent specter in a cloak of shadows. The hut's walls felt flimsy as parchment in their wake, too thin to block out the muffled argument bursting to life beyond them.
Gribble hunched over his plate, appetite crushed to nothing. Shame still burned in his cheeks, Grimrock's words ringing in his ears. Baby. Weak. Useless. Each one striking with the force of a blow.
He knew he wasn't the strongest, or the quickest. Other goblin lads his age were already joining the hunting bands, learning to shoot and track with the warriors. But he was trying. He practiced every day with his little bow until his fingers bled. He set his own traps, treated the furs himself. He would make his father proud. Would prove himself worthy to lead the clan one day, as his grandfather had. He had to.
The shouting outside reached a fever pitch then cut off abruptly. Gribble held his breath, straining his ears in the sudden silence. A lone set of footsteps crunched across the packed earth, growing fainter as they stomped away. Too heavy for his father's quick, light tread. Grimrock, then.
Gnarltooth shuffled back in, looking older than he had only minutes before. New lines seemed to have been carved into the weathered map of his face. He sank onto his stool and stared into the guttering fire, shoulders slumped under a weight Gribble could only guess at.
Where's Da?
Gribble hardly recognized his own voice. Small and frightened, like a child half his age. He cleared his throat, embarrassed.
Gnarltooth sighed, ancient lungs crackling. Out walking. Grimrock too. Tempers are high, need to cool off.
He poked at the coals, sending up a burst of orange sparks. Gribble watched them dance and swirl like fireflies before winking out, thoughts still churning.
Gran?
A grunt.
Will Da really make me Chief someday?
Gnarltooth turned to look at him then, eyes clearer and more focused than Gribble could ever remember seeing them. He leaned forward, hands clasped loosely between his knees.
You got a good heart, pup. Just like yer mam. And that mind of yours... sharper than any blade. Grubnik sees it. I see it. Grimrock... he'll come around. But you gotta be strong, ye hear? For the clan. For them what depends on ye.
Gribble swallowed hard around the sudden lump in his throat. He nodded, not trusting himself to speak. His grandfather was not a goblin much given to praise. Every word was sincere, and all the heavier for it.
Gnarltooth held his gaze a moment longer, ancient eyes searching. Finally he nodded, as if satisfied with what he saw there. Get yerself to bed, pup. Big day tomorrow.
Gribble jolted, remembering. The hunt. His father and grandfather were to lead a band of warriors deep into the Wild Wood, to bring back a stag for the Winter Feast. A dangerous journey, but a great honor. Gribble had begged to go, but Grubnik had forbidden it. Said he was too young, yet. That his time would come.
Gribble scrambled to his feet, head full of snares and arrows and stealth. He paused at the doorway, looking back into the dimness of the hut. Gnarltooth still sat by the fire, a weathered green statue, eyes lost in dancing flames.
G'night, Gran.
The old goblin lifted a hand in silent farewell, gaze never leaving the dwindling fire.
Gribble slipped into the quiet of the night, a strange heaviness in his heart. Overhead the stars glittered like chips of ice, impossibly distant and cold. A sickle moon hung low on the horizon, as sharp and pale as a blade.
He walked with his head down, watching his bare feet scuff the well-trodden paths between the huts. All around the sounds of the nighttime village rose up - muffled conversation, a burst of laughter, a high thin wail quickly hushed. The soft clucking of sleepy chickens, the grumbling of goats. The homey scents of cookfires and pipesmoke.
It was all so familiar, as much a part of him as his own heartbeat. And yet some part of him whispered that it could all be taken away in an instant, as ephemeral as dandelion fluff on a strong breeze. Nothing was certain, nothing was safe.
Grimrock's face swam up in his mind, twisted with contempt. He shook his head to banish it, shoving into his family's hut with more force than necessary.
He checked that his mother's little loom sat safe in its corner, the half-finished cloth protected by a scrap of hide. His fingers trailed across the warp, worn smooth by the work of her hands.
Then he threw himself down on his pallet, pulling the blanket up to his chin. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to push away the day, the fears that wanted to rise up and choke him.
He prayed that the hunt would go well. That his father and grandfather would return with a stag to feed the village, horns held high in triumph. He would not let Grimrock's darkness poison this, would not let it plant seeds of doubt in his heart.
Gribble pressed his face into the musty furs and dreamed of a day when he would make them proud. When no one, not even his uncle, could look at him and see anything but a strong leader. A chieftain to lead the Bloodfang Clan to greatness.
He fell asleep with that dream held tight to his chest, a fragile flame against the darkness of the night.
Dawn came gray and cold, pale light filtering in through the drawn hide window. Gribble startled awake, heart thudding behind his ribs. For a moment he couldn't place the unease that clawed at his belly, the dread that sat heavy on his chest.
Then he remembered. The hunt. His father and grandfather would be leaving today.
He scrambled out of bed, bare feet slapping the packed-dirt floor. Da, wake up, it's-
But the hut was empty, Grubnik's pallet cold to the touch. Of course. They would have risen long before the sun, to make the most of daylight.
Gribble grabbed his tunic, yanking the rough fabric over his head. He hopped on one foot and then the other, cursing, as he struggled into his breeches. If they had already left... but no, they wouldn't go without saying goodbye. They couldn't.
He burst out into the watery light, stumbling a bit on the raised threshold. The village was already stirring, the smell of cooking fires wafting between the huddled huts. Women with baskets hurried toward the foraging grounds. Children dashed underfoot, their laughter high and thin in the chill morning air.
Gribble dodged around them, heart pounding as he ran for the central clearing. Hunters gathered there before heading out, sharing bawdy jokes and boasts over their bows and spears.
Please still be there. Don't go yet.
He rounded the edge of a storage hut and skidded to a stop, heart in his throat. The clearing stood mostly empty, save for a few wizened goblins passing a pipe between them.
His gut sank, a sick twisting emptiness that threatened to crush the breath from his lungs.
Gone. They were gone. Without even a word.
He stood frozen, mind refusing to push forward into a day without their presence. The sudden realization that for the first time in his life, they would not be within the gentle circle of the village's palisades. That he could not run to his father if he scraped a knee or caught his hand in a snare. That he would not hear his grandfather's gruff bark of laughter when he made a clumsy joke over dinner.
The emptiness in his chest yawned wider, a dark gaping maw that threatened to swallow him whole.
As if in a dream, he turned and wandered down the meandering path that led to the village gates. He came to the edge of the wild wood, ancient oaks towering overhead, their trunks lost in the mist that pooled between them. His mind spun a dozen ways they could be hurt, a hundred dangers that might keep them from returning home.
He shook his head, grasping for the steadiness his father always seemed to wear like a cloak around his shoulders. He would be strong. He would make them proud. There was much to be done in the village, much he could learn from the elders in their absence.
With a last look over his shoulder at the forbidding wall of trees, he turned back toward the huts. He would check his snares, and oil his bow, and help with the smoking of the fish. He would keep his hands busy and his mind full, and pray to the spirits of wood and wind to guide his father and grandfather home safe.
Days passed, each one bleeding into the next until Gribble stopped counting sunrises. Every morning he scrambled to the top of the palisade wall, scanning the treeline for familiar shapes. Every evening he tossed in his bedroll, ears straining for the sound of feet crunching up the path.
But none came.
Gribble threw himself into the work of the village, as if by grinding himself down to bone and sinew he could push away the fear that gnawed at his gut. He checked traplines, hauling the small carcasses to the skinning sheds. Helped the village elders mix medicines and poultices, grinding herbs until his hands cramped and his eyes stung. Practiced with his bow until his fingers cracked and bled, ignoring the pitying glances from the other young hunters.
All the while, the village churned with rumor. Women whispered behind their hands as they gathered firewood. Men huddled around the evening fires, voices low and urgent as they stared out into the night.
What if they fell to cave lions? Or the mad hermit that was rumored to stalk the eastern reaches of the wildwood, killing any goblin that stumbled across his path? What if they starved, or froze, or were taken by the elves that sometimes crept from the high reaches of the mountains?
No one said it too loudly, but Gribble could see the question behind their eyes, in the careful way they avoided his gaze. What if they weren't coming back?
He shoved the thought away, burying it deep where it couldn't cut at him with vicious claws. He would know if something happened. He would feel it in his bones, in the deepest corridors of his heart.
But as days became weeks, the sliver of stubborn hope he carried began to fray and tear, threadbare under the weight of cold reality.
Grimrock lorded over them all, settling into the camp chair outside the chieftain's hut as if he'd been born to it. He spoke of new rules, new orders for the guards and hunters. Scowled at any who dared question him, hand resting on the bone-handle of his knife.
Gribble avoided him, unwilling to face the triumph that glittered in his uncle's eyes whenever they landed upon him. He knew, with a sinking certainty, that Grimrock had gotten exactly what he wanted. The leadership of the clan, the power that should have been his brother's. It was only a matter of time before he made it formal, before he took the chief's spear from above the mantle and named himself ruler.
The thought made something small and fierce burn in Gribble's chest. A stubborn coal of anger that smoldered and hissed, sharpening his grief to a cutting edge.
It was near a month before Gribble faced it, the knowledge sinking its fangs deep into his heart and refusing to let go.
They weren't coming back.
He sat beneath the towering oaks at the far edge of the village, their leaves whispering mournful secrets overhead. The wild wood stretched out before him, misty and impenetrable - a dark sea of twisting trunks and reaching shadows. It had swallowed his father and grandfather whole, never to spit them back out.
Scalding tears burned down his cheeks, dripping from his chin unchecked. His shoulders shook with the force of holding back sobs, each breath tearing at his throat like shards of broken glass. The pain of it threatened to shatter him, to break him open and spill his guts across the forest floor.
He fumbled at his side until his fingers closed around the small carving of a wolf - his father's final gift, pressed into his hands the night before the hunt. He clutched it to his chest, its edges biting into his palms until a dribble of blood ran down his wrist.
Not alone, his father had murmured, cupping Gribble's face between rough, calloused palms. Never alone, pup. No matter what comes.
But that was a lie, wasn't it? He was alone now. More alone than he'd ever been in his short life.
Gribble hunched forward, shoulders bowed under the weight of his grief. His tears fell onto the little wolf, darkening the cherrywood, the tang of blood sharp in the air.
He let himself cry then, silent and shaking in the shelter of his oak tree. Let the sorrow and rage boil through his veins, hot enough to scorch. Let it sink its teeth deep into the meat of him and shake, worrying at the wounds until they ran red with memory -

• his father's gentle hands, calloused palms enfolding Gribble's as he taught him how to carve a snare
  
• his grandfather's roaring laugh, the scratch of his beard as he pulled Gribble close
  
• the wistful smile on his father's face when he looked at Gribble, as if seeing someone else in the curve of his brow, the bridge of his nose
  

Each one a shard of glass beneath his skin, embedding themselves so deep he would never dig them out. he would carry their weight, the aching absence of them, for the rest of his days.
But even through the haze of pain some stubborn spark in him whispered no. this could not be the end of it, the final note of their song. they had not raised him to lay down, to let his loss carve him hollow.
His father had taught him how to set his jaw, square his shoulders against the weight of the world. his grandfather had shown him that true strength lay in standing back up, no matter how many times you were beaten down.
Gribble clutched the wolf carving tighter, his knuckles straining white through the green. tears still spilled over his cheeks, but slower now, the first torrential flood ebbing to a trickle.
He would live, for them. he would grow, and fight, and one day lead, as they had wanted. he would keep their memory burning bright in his heart, a torch against the darkness. he would not let their lives, their lessons, crumble to bitter ash.
The sun dipped below the towering oaks, shadows unfurling across the loam. gribble straightened, every joint protesting. his eyes felt raw, swollen, his throat scraped clean. but beneath it a small ember of resolve took light, steadied by the weight of the wolf in his palm.
Gribble stood, brushing the leaf mulch from his breeches. he looked into the wild wood, at the twisting labyrinth of oak and shadow that had stolen his world.
I'll make you proud, he promised the waiting dark. I will be everything you taught me to be. everything you saw in me.
He tucked the wolf into his belt pouch, its slight weight a comfort against his hip as he turned back to the village. back to the huts and fires that seemed dimmer now, faded without the light of his father's smile, the warmth of his grandfather's laughter.
The days ahead would be hard, gribble knew. grimrock's shadow loomed, dark and hungry. the losses that gaped within him would never fully heal, not truly.
But he would endure. he would remember. and he would grow into someone who could bear the weight of his father's bow, his grandfather's spear.
He could do nothing less, to honor them. to keep their light alive, even as the rest of the world moved on, forgetting.
Gribble sought his bed as true night fell, his limbs aching and heavy. he thought of his father's hands on his shoulders, his grandfather's steadying gaze, and let their shades soothe him into sleep.
Tomorrow would come, as it always did, and he would face it. at first it will be just one day, without them. then two. then a season, a year.
Time would make strangers of his memories, wearing away at the keen edge of loss. but he would still carry them, faded but cherished, in some quiet corner of his heart.
A piece of his foundation. his history. it was their final gift to him, as valuable as his father's bow or grandfather's spear.
He would make it enough.

This is a repost, due to two reasons: 1. Updated information and 2. My other post wasn’t seen, I don’t think.
I have seen some doctors, and have some upcoming appointments, namely a rheumatology visit, but I don't think it's rheumatological due to seeing rheumatologists before. This is a second opinion, due to a referral from my gp.
As for general information, I am assigned female at birth, but male identified. I have been on testosterone for a few years now, have had a hysterectomy and have also already had top surgery (chest masculinization). I am 34 (will be 35 by the end of June). I am on numerous medications, they are:
Lamictal Seroquel Fluoxitine Hydrochlorathyazide Losartan Motegrity Dexilant Testosterone injections Dulera Qvar Albuterol as needed
Previous diagnoses are as follows:
PCOS (But not sure if that counts at this point)
GERD
Gastroperesis
Hypermobility
Bipolar
ADHD
Autism
Generalized Anxiety
Asthma
Allergies
Overall, the diagnosed conditions I have are nothing super serious as far as I know.
Anyway, here's what I know in regard to recent symptoms:
Starting in August of 2023, I developed a low grade fever for a week or so. The highest the fever got at this point was 101. At the time, I brushed it off as a run-of-the-mill bug. I did get tested for COVID-19, and was negative for it. Eventually, I started to get better. I assumed that this was indeed just a random bug. However, I continued to experience on and off fatigue for a while, and still do on and off.
About a month later, I was fairly certain I had recovered, but then suddenly one night, I woke up shaking with chills. I was shaking so much my muscles hurt, and no matter how many blankets I put on, I was still freezing. I was also extremely thirsty. I took my temperature, and while I don't remember the exact temperature, I remember it was over 101. The next morning, I woke up fine. This started to become a pattern. I would go periods of time with no fevers or any symptoms at all, followed by waking up mid sleep cycle (as in, literally halfway through a normal night sleep) with shaking chills and a high fever, which can go as high as 103.5, and is always gone by morning. The fevers ONLY follow that pattern. I don't get fevers during the day, they only happen when they wake me up. On rare occasions, however, the fevers will persist for part of the next day, but will be low-grade usually at this point.
I set up an appointment with my doctor, who ordered numerous tests. My blood counts were all normal, and my autoimmune tests were also normal. The only test showing anything abnormal was my C-Reactive Protein, which was 39. Normal, according to the chart (as in, the actual lab test credentials) is 0-9. I asked if maybe my result was still technically normal, since obviously sometimes people have a blood test that is slightly off, and freak out, but my doctor said this isn't normal. This is also a consistent issue. My C-Reactive Protein is ALWAYS high. Unfortunately, according to my doctor, this test is non-specific, so it's hard to say what's causing the inflammation. He still wanted to refer me to a rheumatologist, but that's not until July this year. I still have no idea why he insists I see a rheumatologist when my tests for those conditions were all negative, but I digress...
The pattern continues, but I seem to have developed more symptoms over time. For one, during the episodes of fevers, my skin becomes sensitive and painful. I also now sometimes have a cough and trouble breathing during the fevers, along with my heart racing. Sometimes I get sore throats before the fevers happen as well and/or I feel generally under the weather. I have also noticed that I have a chronically swollen lymph node under one armpit, confirmed by a doctor. The fevers seem to occur once a month, but I no longer have a period and I don't have the right hormones for that anymore either, so I don't think it's that. I was never that regular anyway even when I did have a uterus. I do NOT get night sweats. I just want to clarify that.
I have been tested for HIV, which was negative, along with other STIs. All were negative. I have also been tested for tuberculosis, which was negative as well.
I really am at a loss at this point. I don't know where to go or what to do.
If more info is needed, let me know, and I will make edits.
Additionally, I will add my lab results thus far, in case that helps:
TB = Negative
HIV = Negative
Rheumatoid Factor= Less than 14
ANA = Negative
C-Reactive Protein = 39.2
As for my CBC, the only abnormal ones were:
RBC = 6.5
Hematocrit = 47.2
MCV = 72.3
MCH = 22.8
MCHC = 31.6
RDW = 17.2
Everything else was normal.
Regarding my Metabolic panel, all were normal, except:
Creatinine = 1.1
Alk Phos = 109
SED rate was normal.
I have had protein in my urine a couple times, but it might have just been random. Last time was at 30.
The dates recorded of most recent fevers are as follows:
03/21/24, 04/18/24, 05/10/24, and 05/27/24

I’ve had clogged ducts before but never mastitis, so I don’t know if that’s what I have. Yesterday I started off with a bad headache, then joint pain, then by the end of the day my skin hurt to touch and I had a low grade fever. Woke up with the same symptoms today, plus no appetite, and what feels like just a mildly clogged duct. No streaking or swelling, it only hurts a bit and that’s when I touch it. But on that same side my lymph nodes are all swollen, from my throat to my groin.
In y’all’s experience, does mastitis start with boob pain or the other symptoms?

Up until two weeks ago I was moderate to severe CFS. Classic PEM that would usually start at night after a long day of activity. Brain fog. Intense fatigue. Naps multiple days in a row. Muscle pain, joint pain, the sore throat and swollen lymph nodes. Heightened light sensitivity. I walk with a rollator because I can't stand for even short periods. I have lots of other issues like undiagnosed POTS, arthritis/bunions on both feet, undiagnosed EDS that I'm sure that I have. Loads of joint pain, subluxations etc.
My doctor prescribed me antifungal oral tablets to deal with a bad fungal nail infection. I've been on them maybe a month probably? And these past two weeks I've felt so much better. What the fuck??? It started just as I rescued a stray cat, and I was so worried about my CFS and taking care of this animal especially in the beginning stages. Well it's been multiple walks to the vet, loads of cleaning, bathing the cat, litter and feeding routines. Training. And I haven't had a single crash There was one day where my legs started to feel the beginnings of that burning sensation from lactid acid, but it didn't get worse for once? The next day I was fine. Apart from the obvious other issues I have. I'm scared this is too good to be true. Could a severe fungal infection really have caused my PEM? I've had issues with mold in living situations too and it affecting my breathing. My current place has mold but I clean as much as I can and limit exposure (I use white vinegar and then mold cleaner) Could that have gotten into my system even if it hasn't been severe?
I'm literally in the process of getting a wheelchair because my CFS would be so bad so often that I could barely walk. Like my legs had a neurological issue of not picking up my brain's signals. What do I do?? Has anyone else experienced this? I'm feeling huge imposter syndrome even though I was diagnosed in Feb, and had 3 months straight of flu over last winter

(Prefacing this with, yes I am looking for another job) So I called in sick (I work at a pizza joint) yesterday with a fever, sore throat, and nasal congestion (it's worth noting I'm prone to passing out when I have a fever and the shop is 80-90°F every single day, 100°F near the oven) and call out policy requires us to call 4 hours in advance and find coverage for our own shift. I was supposed to work a closing (5-c) shift, (not as a manager, just as the employee that sticks around and helps clean and what not), contacted work at noon and asked manager for help finding coverage as I don't have everyone's contact info, was told if I can't find coverage I have to work my shift, I proceeded to contact the only two people who weren't working to no avail because they didn't respond. I decided to just not go because I cant even keep my nose from dripping for 5 seconds. I did my due dilligence and I tried. I know they require a doctor's note for sore throat and fever but how can I even aquire one when I don't even have healthcare (cause I can't afford it and job doesn't even provide it unless you have worked there for a year or you're a manager). I have a walk-in care bill I haven't paid and the doctor might refuse me since I haven't paid it. Still going to try to go to the doctor and get a note, though. But yet one of the closing managers can NCNS once a week or every other week and doesn't get punished for it?? Same place also gave me a verbal warning for not wanting to travel during a massive snowstorm (I have a 30 min commute). I can't take the workplace, lack of healthcare, and lack of employee rights in this country (USA) anymore. It's not worth risking my life for a job that pays me 60 cents over the minimum wage. Any advice on how to handle this in the future?

Hi there ya’ll. On Day 5 after learning of my genital HSV-1 diagnosis, probably day 6-7 since the start of my outbreak. I have some questions of timeline/intensity/symptoms of outbreak. For reference, I’m going to put a timeline of my symptoms.
2 weeks ago: I got a really bad sore throat - thought nothing of it. Was a little run down, and just pushed it aside. Lasted a week.
Last weekend: Had sex with partner, noticed sex was a bit painful and had a difficult time getting wet.
Tuesday of last week (7 Days ago): Still had a bit of a sore throat, swollen tonsils, but also started noticing BV or yeast symptoms. Also noticed a pain down there - thought it was just a tear from dry/rough sex (assuming that this was Day 1 of outbreak).
Wednesday: Woke up with a 103 fever, chills, night sweats, sore throat again, flu symptoms. Went to urgent care and was tested for strep and tested positive. Started taking amoxicillin.
Thursday: Same symptoms as day before: More fevers and flu symptoms. More pain in genital region, noticed swollen groin lymph nodes and what I thought was razor burn down there. Original “tear” felt worse.
Friday: Went and got tested at clinic for HSV, tested positive. Doc had to pop/open all of the lesions I had down there and that hurt a ton, I think may have restarted healing process. Started taking Valacyclovir and Lysine.
Over the weekend, sores hurt more than they did before I got tested, leaking a lot of discharge (which might be from internal lesions) and they burn when I pee.
It is now Tuesday the following week and I still have funky discharge, literally leaking and it ITCHES like crazy down there. It’s still painful too, I think in maybe more spots than it started.
So questions: - Does the itching mean the sores are healing/scabbing over? - It seems I’m on Day 7 of outbreak, Day 4 of valacyclovir, how much longer can I expect this to last pain/itch wise? - Are there any ways to speed up process besides what I’ve been doing? - How careful do I need to be when showering/wiping/etc? I have been obsessively watching my hands every time I wash down there, and use a separate towel to dry down there each time I shower. Will sores spread just from the lesion discharge alone or is it just the bumps I need to worry about when touching?
Thank you in advance guys ❤️ This community has been awesome this past couple of days.

My husband (21 year old male) epiglottis is swollen it doesn’t seem red or anything, his throat is sore but not to bad ( he usually has a sore throat due to tonsil stones) he is breathing and swallowing fine. No fever or anything like that is this a situation we need to go to the ER or would he be able to wait till his PCP can see him which would likely be tomorrow or the next day. His symptoms just started this afternoon.