So I met this girl recently n she would ask to hang out a lot hung out a couple times n js smoked nun crazy no contact at all finally did get comfy w her n went on a cuddle date well we were alone all day so things went crazy n alot of shi went down days after she keeps asking to hang out again but I've been stalling cz I don't feel in the right mental place n js want some time for myself well I'm bored so I do a lil stalking n compare some common names to another profile with the name in their bio n turns out she has a whole bf who post themselves on his highlight hangs out with her siblings like wtf vro this is not good this is not what I signed up for n now I feel disgusted idk what the next step is obviously im gonna cut her off but this cant bring no good

Hi everyone. I’m doing my bachelor studies, 3rd year in Russia. In my current university I have a lot of problems: sexual harassment from the teacher with kids and a husband (I guess this is not OK), teachers trying to make me do their work they getting payed for. Also no original research created, teachers just copy foreign papers and translate it to Russian, then get some extra money for publishing. I have a bad GPA since I started studying for myself and skipped many classes in this uni. I was working, collecting money to then transfer for some programs in Russia that are actually good, in a Top Russian university. But every time I tried to transfer, some problems started to occur. They mostly linked with army since we have a compulsory military service in Russia. I once was ready to transfer as well as the university was ready to accept me, but the draft board stopped me. So I’m still at this uni, but I really wanna study at a place where people are interested in research and education.
I had work exp in different laboratories there, in Russia. My work was mostly connected with Deep Learning and Classical ML methods applied for some tasks. However, for now I have 0 papers (I helped with research in a lab, but they haven’t included my name in the paper and I personally think their research sucks). I’m looking for some bioinformatics program now. I have several courses completed (Molecular Biology and Genetics) a little bit of Kaggle with drug design and EEG analysis also, attended computational neuroscience school. And several projects I created in laboratories I was working in (face verification for laboratories, training system for doctors based on Computer Vision methods and some other).
Do you think I should get a gap year somehow to do some research first or do you think it is still possible to transfer to some good university abroad with my current experience? The problem is that I only have Cambridge FCE B2 passed with merit 4 years ago, some projects, motivation letter. No VISA, anything else. I suppose this is not enough obviously. Do you guys have any advice? We also get much less money in Russia in average for the same work so I have a very limited budget. Could you recommend some universities that might be suitable?

For a few days I’ve noticed that some female cosplayers get sour attitude from commenters. Not saying names or linking posts, I’ll describe what I’ve seen. One post was a woman cosplaying as Princess Peach, the cosplayer is a black womanly and her Peach outfit is pretty nice (sure exposed shoulders, but gives personality to the outfit since the outfit looks like a Mario Tennis one), but some commenter had to say racist things by saying she looks nothing like Princess Peach then went on to how the cosplayer shouldn’t be cosplaying fictional pale women. Naturally there’s arguments I wasn’t part of, but I had a facepalm when I see just how immature some people are, and this better be some child not understanding somethings are not acceptable. Speaking of which, another commenter who claims to be a minor criticizes the Peach cosplayer about her profile containing certain mature content such as sexy cosplay for more adult subreddits. Thing is you, that person, can just filter our 18+ content on your feed, and not see that stuff, but you instead would want to stir up trouble and try to make the lady look like a troublemaker. Oh I bet you took 5 minutes before getting to insulting her.
Another post; a cosplayer for Tifa did an amazing job dressing up as her, I praised by saying she looks like she would be in a live action movie and that got me a -10 on my comment. But, the real trouble is when some A*hole just calls her post an ad for her OnlyFans without even having to check her profile page. I seen her page and yeah she does, but that post isn’t for advertising as the subreddit where that post is doesn’t allow that nor was the post even NSFW.
I get onto Reddit for a week and seeing two cases of female cosplayers getting sour comments. Like seriously, just don’t upvote and move on instead of causing trouble for yourself and others. If this happens to many other cosplayers, both with an OF and no-OF, then that’s just sad. I know, free speech, but you don’t need to just be a rude person. I’m sorry for whatever isn’t going right with your lives, but those cosplayers have lives too as well as feelings. Understand that some women just want to share nice cosplays without judgment for being beautiful women who happens to have OF, they might not have other ways to make an income and if they’re able to get damn good jobs to make big piles, I’d assume they would do so.
I’m sorry that those sour commenters couldn’t get a girlfriend, jealous of a woman having a bunch of upvotes while your memes only have 3, or whatever is the cause just remember to be a human. Of course there are bots, but you’re not robots. I bet you you’d get kicked out of a club if you do the same crap you pull online.
I know there are such people, but I’m not going to hate unless the cosplayers who post are terrible and horrible. I want us to just live our lives to best we can and not to have some people just being rude for little to no reason. And I know there’ bound to be comments where I’m the closet simp, coomer, or whatever is the trending insult. All I want is just basic decency. If I don’t like something online, I just move on from it. No reason for me to just randomly insult a drawing, a cosplay, or blog on what character you like.

So I got a kitten for my 17th birthday yesterday (her name is Mitsy and she's the cutest little thing ever!) and she's also my first ever pet so I'm really worried that I'm gonna screw something up and to hopefully avoid that I have a few questions! She's 6 months and 3 weeks btw
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1. How often should I change the litterbox? I've been doing it immediately after my kitten uses it but I'm pretty sure that's not necessary.
2. Is it okay for her to be licking her stitches from her desexing surgery thingy? I assumed it wouldn't be okay but the pet store I got her from didn't seem to care too much about it since she wasn't wearing a cone. Also, I'm not sure how old the stitches are but I have to take her to the vet in two weeks to get them removed if that matters
3. She keeps trying to eat her litter (its absorbing litter) and I keep trying to distract her and/or firmly telling her 'no' and getting her to drop it but I'm not sure how to get her to stop completely or even if this is normal behaviour. It's probably super dangerous though
4. Mitsy keeps randomly making a weird croaking sound and it's probably just a hairball but she also ate a dust ball a few hours ago before I was able to stop her and she ate something crunchy (probably litter) that I couldn't see a little bit after that, but like. I'm still a bit scared.
5. I'm keeping the litterbox and food and water in my bedroom along with Mitsy for now because my Nanna doesn't want her wandering around the house at night, but I'm planning to move it all to the bathroom when she gets accustomed to my house and we get a cat fence for my Nanna's bedroom (she dislikes cats, the absolute monster!), but I was thinking that keeping the litterbox in my room is a bad idea and I feel kind of guilty about having her locked in my room all night and her waking up before me and probably wanting to explore and play
6. Any tips on getting kittens to feel more comfortable around stairs? I want to let her know that downstairs is okay too (she seems to be okay upstairs now) and I've been trying to coax her down one step at a time using treats but its not really working. I also don't want to pick her up because I don't want to accidentally touch her stitches and hurt her.
7. Since Mitsy is already litter trained, its okay for me to give her treats whenever right? And on a similar note, is it normal for kittens to avoid treats when they're in a new home?
8. She hasn't done anything 'bad' yet, but when she does, what's a good way of teaching her not to do that? I don't want to yell at her or spray her with water or anything because that's mean and I want to be a nice cat mum and she doesn't know any better
9. Is getting a cat harness worth it? I'm never going to let her out into the backyard or outside because of how easy it is for her to run into a possibly not so friendly cat or escape the backyard which is literally bordering a road that has a lot of cars and she doesn't know the area so she can't find her way back home. I'm thinking that maybe I can take her on walks like a dog but my family said that's stupid so I'm not sure
10. I've been playing with her a lot with a feather toy (sorta, its actually a star on a string and it had a moon as well with bells but those came off) and she keeps jumping really high and twisting in midair which looks like it should be painful because of the stitches (can you tell I'm really worried about the stitches?) but maybe she's just really good at hiding pain?

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I think that's it, please please please answer even one of these if you can and any assorted kitten raising tips are greatly appreciated!

So, I know for a fact I am getting fired in the third, it’s a week before my probation is up, my boss has done this to people in the past, and I found the document in a recently printed list. (Literal file called “termination letter for my name”)
So my question is, if I hand him my resignation before he can open his mouth can he still say I was fired?
I’m not concerned about employment insurance and really my biggest concern is that black mark on my resume that says I was terminated.

It's interesting that while the creators said they were trying to go for a John Hughes film in the 90s (and that certainly is evident in the central story of Ethan Embry pursuing Jennifer Love Hewitt), this film ends up being far more like "American Graffiti", "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" and "Dazed and Confused"; an ensemble film with a mix of characters who weave in and out of each others' subplot (and like "Graffiti" and "Dazed", taking place in 24 hours), complete with a killer soundtrack and a sprawling cast of familiar faces, some before they were well known. Rewatching it, it's impressive to see how many names are there, even for one scene. Selma Blair gets ineffectively hit on by the main jock (aside; major props for Peter Facinelli in making Mike Dexter the ultimate high school asshole). Sarah Rue calls everyone "sheep." Jason Segal (!) is doing something with that watermelon. And so on, as there's always something going on in the background of this and some minor character to provide a laugh. (My personal favorite; Chris "Shermanator" Owens as "Klepto Kid" stealing everything he sees.) For a film that didn't do much business when it came out, it's great to see how well it holds up as a ensemble showcase and a time capsule of its era (nothing like having a pay phone being a key plot point to date a film).

For context, I broke things off 18 months ago. We started talking as friends, about a year ago he said he wasn't interested in pursuing anything romantic, so I went no contact. I ignored the subsequent Hoover. I unblocked him briefly because I was ready to move on. a month later I called him out on some passive aggressive behavior and told him to basically leave me alone because I was not ready to engage. I also told him I did not want to be his friend. A month after that, he called me some nasty names to mutual friend, that's when I figured out he was a covert narc. We haven't had a conversation in person in almost a year.
Last night I ran into him at a bar where several mutual friends and I were enjoying some live music. At one point, somebody reached from behind, touch me on the shoulder, and said hello and my name. I couldn't physically turn around to see what it was so I was asked out loud, and he replied with his last name. I said nothing, just turned my head to the front and kept enjoying the music. This happened right next to his best friend, his best friend's wife, and two of my closest friends. One of those acknowledged that he saw the whole thing and it was very clear that I shut him down. He ended up sitting right behind me next to his best friend for the next hour, and he got to watch the back of my head having a great time with my friends, getting flirted with, and just being happy. It felt really good to just ignore him and send a message that he is insignificant.
There's a good chance he's mad, but he was already mad anyway from the narc injury seven months ago, lol. He hasn't tried to smear me because he can't, my reputation is golden in our social circle. I just don't understand why he would approach me considering I have him blocked absolutely everywhere and very clearly told him to basically leave me alone. He must've known I would reject him, can't possibly believe he can squeeze any more supply out of me, unless he was just fishing for some sort of emotional response that might embarrass me in front of our friends. If anything, he ended up looking like the weirdo for trying to talk to a woman who clearly wasn't interested in talking to him. Maybe now he'll finally leave me alone, lol. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Hi, I wanna get your name ideas for my Novel. I am going to start my story however I couldn’t find a suitable name for my antogonist. I can’t fully explain the full story but I can help you if u need to know anything about antogonist. Please don’t recommend cliche names, it must be memorable and have a good rhythm.

"That’s the reason you should never be given control of a Star Trek show and why Mike McMahan’s appointment is as self-destructive and ruinous for the franchise as the Genesis effect.
After four seasons, you really have to pinch yourself that a man whose qualification for writing Star Trek was running a Twitter account for an imaginary TNG Season 8, which imagined plots like Worf’s testicles inflating to the size of a moon and producing their own gravity, and Picard’s head tipping into a time hole and rejuvenating his scalp to the point where new hair threatened to fill the ship and suffocate all on board, is now in a position where the choices he makes about legacy characters may actually become Star Trek canon. "
Ed Whitfield (Opinionoid, Critic's Log)
Link:
https://edwhitfield.wordpress.com/2023/11/02/critics-log-star-trek-lower-decks-season-4/
Quotes:
"Another year, another season of Lower Decks – the animated Star Trek encyclopedia, with its continuing mission to remind you that there was once such a thing as Star Trek, and it was good, and produced television and movies brimming with vivid moments and iconography that one day, in the creatively inert future, would become a reference library for shallow hacks who’d raid it for ideas, as they sought to continue the adventure without an original thought.
It’s hard to believe such an, er, enterprise could be sanctioned as official canon, or be a standard bearer for the brand , but season four of the show Beckett Mariner would call “the decks”, introduced a new threat to the Star Trek universe. No, not, and I can hardly believe I’m typing these words – Nicholas Locarno’s Nova Fleet, but Mike McMahan’s long-gestating ambition to occupy and colonise Star Trek canon.
In reviews of past seasons, we speculated that inevitably, McMahan, like any frustrated fan fic writer, would start to worry less about the jokes (which is a bad idea in a show that desperately needs some) and more about his show’s place in the celestial firmament. After all, one wouldn’t want to be a Star Trek showrunner and have a series that’s entirely inconsequential and has no life independent of those stories whose vitality it parasitically sucks away at to tell its own tall tales.
No, someone in the Lower Decks writers room wants to be part of those beloved TNG, Voyager and DS9 stories, and so, in this latest batch of what Beckett Mariner would call “eps”, this animated non-entity got busy sequelising.
There were weak comic follow-ups to Voyager’s “Tuvix” (the premise being the joke, this was like Scary Movie following Scream), a DS9 follow-up featuring Rom and Leeta, and an egregious and silly sequel to TNG’s “The First Duty” and, in an act of furious masturbation, “Lower Decks”, in which Nicolas Locarno’s story was picked up with all the care and attention of a late-transformed Seth Brundle trying to groom his pet gibbon.
Locarno’s story had, effectively, been told – he became Tom Paris due to the idiotic notion that Locarno couldn’t be redeemed (why not, you might ask?) – and his redemption arc played out in the Delta Quadrant over seven years. But the decision of Voyager’s producers not to literally pick up the character, had the unforeseen and terrible consequence that he was still an exploitable TNG reference, and so we get the Lower Decks version, in which the character has curiously morphed into a megalomaniac, incited mutinies on a dozen ships, and formed a fleet of mavericks who’ve requisitioned a Genesis device (because apparently they’re been mass produced by 2380) for leverage over the Federation.
This ends in a re—run of Wrath of Khan’s nebula battle, and Locarno becoming part of a new planet which is named in his dishonour. I’ll bet you 5000 bars of latinum that you didn’t envision that end for the character when you last saw him in 1992.
If you didn’t have a single original thought in your head, and you were minded to asset strip Trek of old, it’s the kind of ending you might have come up with. That’s the reason you should never be given control of a Star Trek show and why Mike McMahan’s appointment is as self-destructive and ruinous for the franchise as the Genesis effect.
After four seasons, you really have to pinch yourself that a man whose qualification for writing Star Trek was running a Twitter account for an imaginary TNG Season 8, which imagined plots like Worf’s testicles inflating to the size of a moon and producing their own gravity, and Picard’s head tipping into a time hole and rejuvenating his scalp to the point where new hair threatened to fill the ship and suffocate all on board, is now in a position where the choices he makes about legacy characters may actually become Star Trek canon.
Lower Decks seemed so harmless, if pointless, when the worst it could do was feature some Binars, or reference “Time’s Arrow” with a Mark Twain holodeck simulation, or re-run a 40-year old Monty Python gag about a cute little creature being a ravenous killer. But this is a show that’s fast realising it’s the only TNG-era show in town, so has cart blanche to keep raiding the archive to sate its own, self-eating, franchise-weakening tendency. Season 5 is in production, and fuck only knows what horrors this writers’ room of clueless geeks have in store in the episodes bought and paid for. Tom Riker living on a planet with a cloned Deanna Troi? An aged but very much alive Tasha Yar, enjoying the good life on Romulus until a liberated Armus holidays there? Reginald Barclay’s drumhead trial for sex crimes?
Don’t imagine it can’t happen. Lower Decks has a taste for it now. Fans who can tell the difference between pastiche and the real thing will hope and pray that Star Trek: Legacy or something like it gets the green light. Not because Cobra Kai in space is a good idea either, but if the world of ‘90’s Trek is going to continue, let it at least be with some pretensions to dramatic integrity. If not, it’s clear who and what will step in to fill the void.
The show’s one good move this year was Vulcan T’Lyn becoming a regular. The only character who could plausibly transfer to live action Trek, her deadpan undercutting of the hysteria around her has been a tonic and perhaps an acknowledgment that the mania, unchecked, was exhausting for the audience as well as mirthless."
Ed Whitfield (Opinionoid, Critic's Log)
Link:
https://edwhitfield.wordpress.com/2023/11/02/critics-log-star-trek-lower-decks-season-4/

Trigger warning. Also I'm sorry, this is a really long post but I'll bullet point most stuff down.
I'm just so tired all the time, it literally feels like I can sleep all day. I have a normal sleep schedule, but everyday I just feel so exhausted. I have dark circles under my eyes and I have no energy to do anything anymore. I just lay in bed all day and want to rot. I feel suicidal, I just want to die all the time and it's getting worse. I get nightmares of him, not of what exactly happened but just of different sa from him. I feel like there's no point in going on anymore, I don't think it's going to get better. I don't exactly know what it's like to have a flashback, but I think I've experienced them. I have really bad maladaptive daydreaming, but I don't think it's that. It's like I'm there again, I can't control it or stop it or rewind it. It's like it's happening all over again and that I'm there and I can feel it. When it's happening I just sit there and cry and I feel like screaming but I obviously can't do that so I have to hold it in. My head feels like it's burning constantly too, like the back of my head feels so fucking warm and hot. Like my brain is melting. And I just want to die and I'm so tired I just want to sleep and never wake up again.
•The one big thing that makes me feel valid is that, when I was 11, my stepdad fingered me in my bedroom. I won't go in to too much detail or anything, it's unimportant. But the entire time he just stared at me and everything was silent, like he was waiting for my reaction. Our relationship has always been odd, so I wanted it. But eventually I got scared and told him something, I don't remember what it was but it got him to stop immediately and he apologised too. I don't remember much after, as in I don't know if he left my room or I left first, but I immediately went to the bathroom. Which was when I discovered I was bleeding.
•Around this time, for some strange reason I would repeatedly say to him "fuck me daddy." This would either be in person, or over messages. I remember once, when I was in school, I messaged him that. He told me to stop in case one of my friends saw. I don't know why he didn't tell me to stop for other reasons.
•One day, after telling him that in person, we were in my parents bedroom. I was sat on his bed and he was in front of me in his weird chair. He then started going in to detail about how I wanted him to fuck me, I can't remember exactly what he said, it was like I zoned out. Everytime I try to recall it now it literally feels like bugs start to crawl up me, I don't understand why. I remember the last part, and his really disgusting hushed and gentle voice. He asked if I wanted him to "cum inside of me", or he was just explaining how that would finish. I'm not really sure.
•Still around this same time period of me being 11-12, I would ask him to 'squish me.' The reason why we would call it that is because I would be on my back, my legs would be up all the way to where my head is and he would be on top of me in a way that would 'squish me'. Basically like that one sex position. I would usually be wearing my school uniform when that would happen, so a skirt. During the 'squishing', he would push down on me, so our crotches would basically be against eachother. I don't know why, but I would continuously ask him to 'squish me' and during it I would even say the whole "fuck me daddy" thing. Only recently have I realised that he was probably just pretending to fuck me.
•Other things had happened around that age too, like how we would talk about how many times we masturbated a day and compare it to eachother. Sometimes if I was abruptly going to my room, he would ask if I was going to go masturbate, since we were 'close like that' I would tell him. He would often recommend me NSFW Instagram model accounts. I was once tricked in to sending feet pics to this guy, which really isn't that serious and whenever I brought it up with friends they find it fucking hilarious. But the detail I always leave out is that, I did bring that up with my stepdad and he proceeded to tell me that he already knew. Which means he was spying on me through the crack of the door. If that already didn't bother me, I don't understand why he just allowed me to send those pictures, if he was watching why the hell didn't he stop me?
•I'm pretty sure this also happened around the age of 11 as well, recently, a memory resurfaced but I barely remember it. Basically, I was sucking on his neck. I don't remember who said it, but either him or my mum spoke up and laughed, saying that I needed to stop otherwise I would "give him a hickey." The reason why I wouldn't be surprised if my mum was in the room at the time is because she doesn't care about what he does. She knows everything and just doesn't fucking care.
•I'm very sure that, around that age, my parents begun to expose me to their loud sex. I wouldn't be surprised if it started even younger, however. Obviously, I tried to bring it up with them at the ripe old age of 11 and my mum immediately shot me down with a "it's natural." This only stopped recently, around this year, because I had a big panic attack over hearing them and my mum finally felt guilty. I started getting panic attacks over it the minute it started, maybe the panic attacks were a sign of the trauma when I was younger, but I'm convinced it is now. I heard it so many times that I began to get paranoid every night, I would start to hear it even if they weren't upstairs (I sound crazy, I know.) I would get so anxious every night in case I would hear it, to the point I started to really resent them from it. I know fine well I could just go to sleep before them, but sometimes they even woke me up with it, on numerous occasions.
•I'm convinced my stepdad wanted me to hear it. Around the time of it finally stopping, I got mad because i was hearing it again (I'm unsure if it was due to me hearing shit or they actually were) but it caused me to take my bedding and go downstairs to sleep. In the morning, I was rudely awoken to my stepdad slamming the door open and storming past. He's not usually like that when people are sleeping, so it instantly gave me the impression that he was pissed off and the only reason I can think of is that he was angry I wasn't there to listen.
•He used to tease me for my paranoia to. As a way to discourage them from getting intimate, I would leave my door open at night. This happened around this year, but I was doing that again and I messaged my stepdad if they were actually going to sleep. It then somehow turned to him making a dig about how he knew I gets anxious at night and when I asked why he sent me "In case me and your mam have sex. 😜" Before, I tried to resolve this issue by begging them to just tell me if they were gonna have sex or not so I could sleep downstairs (because I was gonna find out the hard way anyways.) And they kept on refusing? Which just gave me the impression that they wanted me to listen more.
•Around 11 again, he would often tell me details about his and my mums sex life. Like how he was always good at pulling out and the only time he would wear a condom is right when he was about to finish. But the reason why my sister came to be was because he just failed to pull out that one time and my mum refused to get an abortion. Another time, he went on about how him and my mother had sex during her period and how they had to use towels and they didn't enjoy it because it was too messy.
•I don't know if he did things before the age of 11, my memories are very faded and it's like there are major gaps throughout everything. I'm worried that he did, however. When I was very young, I remember having no accidents at all during the night. But then, around the ages of 9, I would have an accident basically every night and would get a lot of water infections. I know that's a classic sign of child sexual abuse, but I don't want to jump to conclusions or anything.
•Another reason as to why I believe more things had happened to me than what I know of is because I always seemed to know what sex was when I was young, but I wouldn't know the name or anything specific about it like how to get pregnant or what cum was. Though, even though I didn't know what it was, it was like I always thought about it, I could never not think about sex, it was disgusting. This stayed until I was around 13. I remember where I even asked my 'boyfriend' at the time, we were both around 8, if he wanted to have sex, and I have no idea why.
•Over the years, he would flash me frequently. Everytime, I would always believe it was an accident because he'd never acknowledge it, besides from that one time which he always jokes about it and blames me. Everytime he would flash me, it would either be because of a convenient hole in the crotch of his pants or because he was wearing very lose fit shorts and it would just be hanging out. The more I think about it, I'm very sure he would have been able to feel such a thing, especially when it was poking out of the hole, but it was like he was just oblivious.
•For some strange reason, when I was younger, I would make comments about small dicks. I don't know if I was commenting on his dick specifically, but he would always say the same thing. "Width matters more than length."
•Recently, around 16-17, he made a joke about how he listens to me masturbating. Once he noticed how shocked I looked, he then went on saying about how my vibrator is too quiet to hear.
•Around 17 again, I went to use the shower. The shower I use is the one that's connected to my parents room. When I locked the door, he got madish and started making comments about it. I had to defend myself, saying how 'the door would open on it's own if I didn't lock it'. Eventually, he backed off.
•I don't understand the point in the fucking door and lock to my bedroom anymore. Whenever I decided to lock my door, my parents start shouting at me through the walls, asking why I locked my door. My stepdad barely knocks, it's like a tap and he doesn't even wait sometimes. I remember seeing a past message from an old friend saying how he tried to walk in when I was changing and that he knew I was changing. I didn't explain myself, I really wish I did because I don't remember this.
•(Around 17.) We were messaging eachother and it somehow turned in to him hinting if I saw this one animated video, it was a porn one. I said no, and to that he sent me a screenshot of it. It wasn't anything bad or anything, just the start of it and nothing was revealing, he then asked if I was sure. And how he was surprised that I hadn't.
•(Around 17.) I don't really get my period, we still don't know why. But as I was getting a lot of blood tests, my stepdad was trying to check things off the list of what it could be. One of those being that my opening is just extremely tight I guess, because he asked if I ever tried penetrating myself. I admitted that I did, but I couldn't get it to exactly go in. Which he then decided to make a comment saying how It's just my 'technique'. I wonder if the only reason he asked that was to see if I ever tried anything out of morbid curiosity.
•(Around 17 again.) He randomly bought me dildo's once, I didn't ask him for them, he just bought them for me and it was wildly uncomfortable. Once he gave me them, he asked if I wanted him to show me how to use them. I said no, which he then said something about how if I ever did then I could ask him. I worry what would have happened if I did say yes.
•When I was around 14, I went glamping. I ended up having to share a bed with him. One of the nights, I woke up to his hand just on top my crotch. I tried grabbing it and moving it away but it just fell back down on to it. I don't know if he put it back there on purpose. I still question if it was a dream, I'm very sure it wasn't because I remember going back to sleep, but it still just bugs me.
•Around 17, I was upset for some reason and he was comforting me. During this, he randomly grabbed the inside of my thigh. I usually just wear a shirt and boxers, so he basically just grabbed my naked thigh but I don't know if he was doing it in a comforting way.
•Usually when I draw, I have my knees up to my chest so it's easier to use my tablet. Considering what I wear for pyjamas, I can always see him looking at my crotch when he comes in to my room. If he really can see everything I don't understand why he doesn't just tell me to put my legs down.
•He's made a lot of uncomfortable jokes over the years too. One of the ones that upsets me sometimes is that, when he was measuring me for a binder, I was constantly moving around because it was uncomfortable since I was just in a sports bra. As he was leaving, I think I told him about how it was uncomfortable for me or something along those lines. He then turned around and shouted "oh come on, it's not like i was fingerings your pussy or anything."
•Very recently, I asked him if I looked okay before going to college. After a bit of back and fourth he said "I wouldn't kick you out of bed, maybe you could find someone in college who would do the same."
•Other times when I asked him if I looked okay, he'd go on tangents about how my ass is great or how he would date me or be too nervous to talk to me if he was my age.
•One of the more recent jokes was when I dropped a mayonnaise lid on my lap. Nothing got on me, but my stepdad turned to me then turned to my mum and shouted "if anyone starts accusing us, just tell them it was mayonnaise!" Or something like that.
•I remember after we watched the new mean girls film, he started going on saying about how he wanted to rewatch it for the Halloween seen (if you know you know) for the 'panty action'. Which rubs me the wrong way because I'm very sure the girls are supposed to be around my age.
•I'm very sure he also made this fake account, pretending to be one of my old groomers that I tried to cut off, just to message me about nsfw topics and ask for pics. It's a whole long yap about paranoia and just suspicions so I won't get into it though. If I tried to provide all the evidence I have, it'll take forever and there's no point.
There's definitely way more things that he's said, joked and done. But I'm only now beginning to realise that they're not okay. Even when I was younger, I was sort of uncomfortable around the jokes so I would just zone out, leading me to not remembering them now.
I probably will never accept that what happened to me was bad, or a big issue. Especially due to the 'lovely' people on here. Thank you for telling me immediately that I was a liar before you even knew what happened, that I shouldn't blame an 'innocent man', that you hope he comes in and rapes me to the point I split open and bleed. Thank you for telling me that my parents were just trying to promote a sex positive household, that some of the things were questionable at most. Thank you so much for saying I deserved it because I didn't send you pictures. You all made me feel like shit and I'm probably never going to tell people in person what happened to me, out of fear I would be ridiculed due to how much of a baby I'm being. I wasn't raped, so I have no place to cry or even think about it. I'm being overdramatic.
If you even read to this point, you're an angel.

Hello, this is going to be a bit long. Before I start, my laptop is hp, core i5, windows 11. Yesterday, I was working on a file on photoshop, and needed a font. So I downloaded a font from dafont (I’ll edit in the name when my laptop gets good) first nothing happened. After 10 mins, the snip tool automatically came up. Even thought I tried to close it, it didn’t close properly. So I went on the settings and somehow turned off from accessibility. Then after a while my mouse started to flicker, my windows lagged, photoshop wouldn’t close, nothing would move even if it did it would after like a couple mins. So I restarted, and same thing happened. After that I had some work so I shut it down and left for later. Later at night, I ran a scan from avast, it didn’t show any malware or virus. Then I installed bit defender, it ran a full scan, yet no malware or virus. After a while it went back to normal. Today morning, I again opened my laptop, it ran smoothly I thought it was a bug. Then again an hour ago, I turned it on, it started doing the thing again flickering, lagging. Then again it went back to normal, then again it started. Now I did, a disk clean up, c file, temp folder, %temp% folder, now my laptops running a Microsoft Windows malicious software removal tool’s full scan. It’s taking a while but hopefully, it can catch something. Any suggestions?

So I've been working in this company for almost 1.5 years now, in my contract it's explicitly mentioned that i get 2 percent commission on the projects i bring to the company, my boss and his boss are pretty good guys, they've offered me a decent package with benefits as well, but the fact that i am not getting my commission is not sitting well with me.
Sometimes my boss changes the quotation of the project and puts it under his name if the value of the project is decent in order for him to get the commission.
In that past 1.5 years i have brought well above 2 million AED for the company and the only commission that I've gotten is around 8000 AED.
Whenever i bring up the subject of the commission my boss either throws more work at me or disregards me by saying I'll talk to the accounts and see what's what
Any ideas on how to handle this matter?
Ps. I kinda need the job cause i am settling my debts so taking the aggressive approach is not a good idea.

Hello, this is going to be a bit long. Before I start, my laptop is hp, core i5, windows 11.
Yesterday, I was working on a file on photoshop, and needed a font. So I downloaded a font from dafont (I’ll edit in the name when my laptop gets good) first nothing happened. After 10 mins, the snip tool automatically came up. Even thought I tried to close it, it didn’t close properly. So I went on the settings and somehow turned off from accessibility. Then after a while my mouse started to flicker, my windows lagged, photoshop wouldn’t close, nothing would move even if it did it would after like a couple mins. So I restarted, and same thing happened. After that I had some work so I shut it down and left for later. Later at night, I ran a scan from avast, it didn’t show any malware or virus. Then I installed bit defender, it ran a full scan, yet no malware or virus. After a while it went back to normal. Today morning, I again opened my laptop, it ran smoothly I thought it was a bug. Then again an hour ago, I turned it on, it started doing the thing again flickering, lagging. Then again it went back to normal, then again it started. Now I did, a disk clean up, c file, temp folder, %temp% folder, now my laptops running a Microsoft Windows malicious software removal tool’s full scan. It’s taking a while but hopefully, it can catch something. Any suggestions?

For Context
First Week: Two weeks ago my mother rescued Gwen, a feral pigeon that couldn't fly. We offered food and water hoping for a quick recovery, but on the third day we moved her to the living room window with some safety precautions and a cardboard house, in the process saving her from losing a foot to a string. We evicted a louse fly successfully with Neem mist. Resisted the temptation of bird keepers to buy Gwen off of me. Vitamin'd her up.
Second Week: Quick recovery, Gwen would flee from me and slap my hand whenever I had to handle her, and the rest of the day she spent hanging sunbathing, pecking at paper strips and receiving visits from feral pigeons. I noticed weird shaped in Gwen's droppings, suspected worms. My mother gave Gwen her name. My mother and me had a little disagreement over Gwen's safety in her window, I evaluated moving her to my room where she would be safer from the family cat.
For the Full Context: you may check my previous posts .
The Update: My suspicion was right, worms: Big, juicy and bloody... Researching online I saw that 26 Neem leaves on a liter of water was good for deworming purposes so I gave it a try, them nasties came out the next day covered in shit and blood, kept the treatment for three days, currently offering plain water. After a little unforeseen accident I ended up moving Gwen to my bedroom window, bought actual plastic chicken mesh and gave my window a deep cleaning, I'm not sure she likes my window, but it's definitely safe and has access to more sunlight. Her new accomodations didn't matter though, the rain season came upon us and trashed her little piece of heaven while I was at the factory, luckily my mother managed to save Gwen and her little carboard box house, for the time being, Gwen's been hanging in my bedroom behind a chair and pooping right in the middle of the room. Gwen's recovering good, she "runs", climbs chest-high (pigeon-wise) furniture and she also has begun vocalizing softly. Factory gave me a three month contract to start right after my internship ends, It seems I just cashed a fat wad of pigeon good karma, will definetly help me take care of Gwen more appropriately now that I don't have to manage my expenses as tightly.
The Game Plan: I'll cycle the neem and vitamins in Gwen's water: Three days of neem tea, a day of plain water, then two of vitamins; it should help Gwen get rid of intestinal nasties, while allowing her to recover. I'm trying to figure out the amount of food Gwen will eat in a day, as to reduce waste and mess. Gwen's going to be staying in room until we get some sun again, it'll probably be 2-3 months until then... I've been holding off on taming Gwen, as I still hope she'll be able to take flight soon, I'd feel sad is she'd never could be able to fly again, my mother is already on board on keeping her at home indefinitely in the event she never recovers. It would probably be a good idea to bag some bird toys so Gwen can distract herself now that she can watch the people and other birds from my window, nor bask in the sun, nor get the occasional visit from her bird friends (She's even been hanging out with non-pigeon birds)
Thanks once again for all the people who helped me along this journey, without your help I probably wouldn't have been able to nurse Gwen into recovery.

Hey everyone,
I have been living in a shared ownership property in England that I bought about 2 years ago. All the paperwork for the housing authority and the bank is in my name. However, my sister lives with me, and we have an unwritten agreement that she will pay for some of the bills, shopping, etc., and her name will be on the council tax, energy bills, and a few other utilities.
We had a really good relationship for the first year of living together. However, she has found a partner with whom I have had multiple conflicts, the most recent event being the partner shouting and swearing at me. This person acts as if they own my flat, comes whenever they want, and brings their family over as they wish. I can't deal with this situation as it has a terrible impact on my mental health. I told my sister to move out, and I want to give her a month's notice. If she doesn't move out within a month, I am planning to change the locks on my property.
I tried talking to my sister, but she doesn't care about how I feel and seems scared to stand up to her partner. I am past the point of trying to save my relationship with her, but I just want a legal way to make her leave my flat. Does she have any rights just by being on the council tax and energy bills? If she doesn't move out after a month, can I just change the locks in a shared ownership property, or do I need the permission of the housing association first?

***ads play and podcast starts at 1:47
Intro (Timestamp: 1:47) - Rachel: Welcome back to another episode of Rachel Goes Rogue. This is your host, Rachel Savannah Leviss. Today, we are talking about part three of the Vanderpump Rules reunion. - Rachel: It has finally come to an end, season 11. It's been a long time coming, and we're here to react. I have my producers with me, and as usual, they will be asking me some questions to get my perspective on what we just watched during the reunion.
Well, first of all, I want to start off with asking you just your overall thoughts on the reunion, watching it. How do you feel? (Timestamp: 2:19) - Rachel: Overall, I just feel tired at this point. I don't enjoy watching this show, and (Rachel starts to get emotional) I'm just happy that it's over. It was good that they didn't talk about me very much this last episode, part three. - Rachel: That's great, but it's been really difficult watching each week. And I feel like I can finally start to move on from all of this, because it's been really difficult. It was really heavy and sad. - Rachel: And I think everyone on that cast is struggling. And I would be too if I was there. I mean, I'm struggling just watching it from the sidelines, so I can only imagine what it's like being on that stage.
So you're getting really emotional right now. Where is this emotion coming from? (Timestamp: 3:28) - Rachel: It's coming from a place of feeling like I haven't had much room to go. Feeling like stuck between a rock and a hard place, so to speak. Because this entire time, I have been preparing for them to slander my name, to paint me in the worst light. - Rachel: And my goal with this podcast was to be able to represent myself, to defend myself, to share what I've learned through my time that I took away and my recovery, and just to shed more light on the situation. - Rachel: And it hasn't been easy. It's been an extreme rollercoaster of emotions in a lot of different phases, getting sucked back into it, and then feeling like all consumed by all the comments and everything, and then completely cutting off communication with the outside world and living in my own reality in the moment. It's all about that balance, and it has not been easy to move on. - Rachel: I don't think it's been easy for any of the cast to move on rehashing it and talking about it and having other people tune in. It's not typical. It's not normal. And the day has finally come that the show, season 11, is over, and it's a relief to me because I don't have to keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. - Rachel: I don't have to think about what lies they're going to spread about me, and I don't have to think about what I need to defend myself about. And then following week, I feel like I can finally start to live my life again.
And so you're kind of talking about the boundaries that you've been setting by staying away and cutting people off, which obviously boundaries was a really big topic at the reunion. You obviously set some really strong ones by not returning to the show. What's your take on this discussion of boundaries? Do you agree with Lala or do you side more with Ariana when it comes to boundaries when it's in regard to filming the show? (Timestamp: 5:40) - Rachel: I could see both of their points of view. Setting a boundary for yourself is not an easy thing to do. And when other people are upset that you set a boundary for yourself, that's usually a telltale sign that that person is using you in some way and is not happy that you have this new boundary because it's not serving them. - Rachel: So, I can see why Ariana upholded her boundaries by not speaking to Tom, even though she actually did film with Tom this whole season, or for the later part anyway. But she refused to have that conversation with Tom at the end of the show, and I commend her for it because it would have been a fake conversation. You could tell that Tom, his only motive to having that conversation with her is for camera purposes and storyline purposes. - Rachel: Therefore, it's not an authentic conversation. It would have been crocodile tears, the whole thing. And I completely understand Ariana walking away. I walked away too, and people weren't happy about that either. - Rachel: For Lala's point of view, I can understand her perspective in wanting to have a good TV show for her livelihood and the longevity of her career. If you're going to commit to filming, then I can see why Lala is upset, because you are not only committing to filming with this person, I can see her point in that she is living under the same roof as Tom. - Rachel: They're living together, they're filming together, yet in Lala's eyes, Ariana is being stubborn by not filming with Tom, or that one scene. Who even cares about that one scene? I don't know. - Rachel: It's all so silly to me, but boundaries are important. I was in a place where I didn't have boundaries, and I was really trying to appease production and put on a good show. That became my priority season 10.
And where do you think the line needs to be drawn, you know? When at the end of the day, this is a paycheck and this is a job, versus this is someone's real life. You've talked a lot about wanting to live in reality. Where do you think that line should be drawn? (Timestamp: 8:32) - Rachel: I think that's an impossible question to answer when you're filming a reality TV show, because the line is so blurry, it's impossible to know what's real and what's not. And the more I'm out of it, the clearer I can see that. We see it with Tom Sandoval when he talked about production. - Rachel: He did the New York Times article, and he stopped talking mid sentence when a plane flew over or a truck drove by, whatever it was, because the audio, typically when we're filming a show and a plane flies by, you stop talking so that the audio can pick up normally without the distraction in the background. - Rachel: So it's like programmed in your mind to think a certain way, to act a certain way, to talk a certain way, to pursue certain things, where it becomes a part of your patterning. We also see the lines get blurred with Scheana and the comment section, and what is real life and what is not, what is her own true motivation for doing certain things, and what is influenced by outside commentary. - Rachel: That gets so blurry, and when you're all consumed in the perception of yourself, how can you really be sure that you're operating from a place of an inner knowing? That's a boundary that's blurred. With Lala, she clearly prioritizes the success of the show because she wants to secure her paycheck, and when people are setting boundaries for themselves and it's conflicting with what she wants and what is successful in her eyes, that sparks an anger within her. - Rachel: And it's all fabricated to a certain point because the bottom line is this show. So, I think it truly is impossible to live a real life and be on a reality TV show.
So, do you think it's fair for Lala to direct that anger towards Ariana? Or do you think she should be directing it more towards the show? (Timestamp: 11:12) - Rachel: Oh, no, not at all. I don't think that it's fair that Lala is directing that anger towards Ariana because Ariana has been very clear with her boundaries since the very beginning and…
I guess if she's feeling this way, do you think maybe she should have upheld her boundaries more if she was feeling so resentful towards someone doing the same? Do you think she's feeling like she regrets things that she had said in the past? (Timestamp: 11:35) - Rachel: I think she did uphold her boundaries. I think that she feels like she hasn't been supported the same way that Ariana is being supported. And it's probably not a good feeling, but she maneuvered differently than Ariana has. And Lala doesn't extend the same empathy towards others. So it's harder to support her, I believe.
She does make a point to say, many times, that she feels like things are not being honest on camera. She points out Tom and Ariana’s relationship being one of those things. Katie has a flashback moment where she also calls it out. Do you agree that things are not always honest on camera? (Timestamp: 12:12) - Rachel: Totally. Yeah. I think the point that Lala is making is that Tom and Ariana haven't been honest about their relationship on camera. - Rachel: And I think people are getting caught up in Lala being hypocritical because she wasn't honest about her relationship with Randall. Okay, yes, that might be true. But the point is that Tom and Ariana haven't been good for quite some time. - Rachel: And their relationship that was portrayed on camera for fans to see was not an accurate representation of their relationship. I see the frustration because I agree with that too.
Even on your part, how does it affect you as someone on the show when people aren't fully honest on camera? How does that affect the rest of the cast? (Timestamp: 13:21) - Rachel: Yeah, it affects everyone when people aren't fully honest on the show. I mean, I wasn't fully honest the season 10 reunion. I was still covering up for Tom Schwartz. - Rachel: I was still covering up for Tom Sandoval. I was still going along with that narrative, and it would have been much better to just be open and honest about it. But of course, Tom was like, no, that wouldn't be good for business. - Rachel: It wouldn't be good for Schwartz and Sandys if people knew that the Schwartz kiss wasn't authentic and we need that to seem real. So it does affect everyone when you're not being honest, because it portrays a certain picture that isn't reality, and the whole point of reality TV supposedly is to be real, following these real people's lives. - Rachel: So honesty would be like the most important value characteristic you would think that everyone on this show should have. But it seems like nobody does.
Well, speaking of honesty, Ariana kind of called out Tom and his motives behind wanting to apologize on camera. He finally does get that moment during the reunion to apologize to Ariana. He has some words when he does, he calls the affair something he regrets every day. He says that he wears it like a badge of shame. On your end, how did that feel watching that? (Timestamp: 14:46) - Rachel: It's hard to tell if Tom is being honest or not. Even in the Secrets Revealed episode, when he was asked how many girls he had sex with since me, and he had to pause and think about if he was going to be honest or not, he's just been caught in so many lies that it's hard to tell if he's being truthful. - Rachel: But hearing Tom say that he regrets getting involved with me every single day, I regret it too, so it is a little bit painful, but it's also like maybe something is registering for him. - Rachel: I don't know. But then again, his actions speak a lot louder than his words. He knows what words to say, and then it seems that he fails to follow through with meaningful action. And that's where true amends come into play.
There was just, I feel like, a lot of pain in the room all around. You kind of acknowledged that at the beginning of this episode. What do you think that this pain, and even Lala saying that she was okay seeing some of those friendships end, what do you think that means for the future of this group? (Timestamp: 16:07) - Rachel: I don't see much of the future for this group. It looks pretty shattered. It looks like these friendships are not healthy friendships. - Rachel: The dynamic between Lala and Scheana is not a healthy dynamic. It seems to be like a power imbalance. It seems like Scheana is trying to appease Lala to make sure she's secure, and she's getting certain needs met in that friendship because Ariana hasn't been around for Scheana the way that she's used to. - Rachel: Yeah, you could tell that Scheana’s struggling with coping with that. It seems like Lala's really on a wavelength of not effing with anybody on the cast right now. It seems like her friendship with Katie isn't strong because Katie's gotten really close with Ariana. - Rachel: It seems like even her friendship with Scheana is a little rocky. I think she sees Scheana as someone that's not...How do I want to say this? - Rachel: And I hate saying this word, because I don't want to like categorize somebody as something, especially because I've been called this before too. But I think seeing how Lala reacted to everything and how Scheana was trying to be the fixer and appease Lala, and it just didn't seem like enough for Lala. I think Lala sees Scheana as someone who is weak, perceived weakness. - Rachel: I'm not saying that Scheana is weak. And I think that there's a lot of alliances and manipulation happening, and none of that is healthy for our friendship dynamic. I can see why the show is taking a hiatus, because it just seems so fractured
Well, it definitely seems like at the very end of the episode, Scheana was very sure to get that last word in. I felt like she was looking directly at Lala and almost begging for her to hear her out that she was on her side. And it really did seem like the very end, Scheana had to choose. Is she Team Ariana or Team Lala? Do you think she made the right choice? Do you think she needed to make a choice, or do you think that she's putting this pressure on herself? (Timestamp: 18:21) - Rachel: Ooh, that's a good question. I think she feels a lot of pressure from the outside perspective, and she doesn't want to, obviously, like burn bridges with Ariana or anything. And I think Ariana has been very gracious towards Scheana. Do I think that she needed to choose sides? I don't think so. I don't know. - Rachel: I can see Lala's frustration probably because I'm sure Sheena and Lala have had conversations about the whole situation. And without Ariana there, I'm sure Sheena's singing a much different tune than what we're hearing at the reunion, and that's sparking some frustration in Lala. And I'm sure that was a similar feeling when she called out Katie about it too. - Rachel: So yeah, I think that Lala feels pretty isolated, I want to say, in her feelings. And now that it's aired, and I did check Reddit for the first time in a very, very long time, it seems like the majority of people are hating on Lala right now. I'm human. - Rachel: I do hold some resentment towards Lala for the way that she's treated me over the years. I do empathize with her a little bit because all the hate online is just a little bit ridiculous. And I think also people are afraid to speak a differing opinion than the team Ariana side because people are just ruthless online and they don't want to hear a differing opinion. - Rachel: And if you do, then you get shunned out, too. It's very, my therapist calls it tribal shaming, where if you're not following the rules of the tribe, spoken or unspoken, then you're cast out and you're shunned.
***ads play and podcast resumes at 23:24
I mean, it does feel like the fans have had more of an impact on this season than ever. Would you agree with that? (Timestamp: 23:24) - Rachel: Yeah, especially because as they were filming this show, the fans were boots on the ground. We're going to production, we're going to filming, and we're going to take photos and document what we saw and all that stuff. Like it was very interactive in a way. - Rachel: I think with after show this year, it was a little bit different because some things have changed since the ending of filming last summer. One of the things was me starting my own podcast and speaking freely about my experience and my opinion and the after show gave the cast an opportunity to rebut what I was saying and it provided more of a context. - Rachel: And I think with more time passing from the end of filming last summer to, you know, early January, February of this year, when they filmed the after shows, cast dynamics shifted because as we all know, now watching the finale, Lala and Ariana did not end on a good note whatsoever. - Rachel: And so, you know, she had some choice of words to say during the after shows. And it seemed like she really got Sheena to support her with that.
Speaking about the fracturing of this cast, something about her did recently open. Not many cast members were in attendance to this opening. What's your take on that? (Timestamp: 24:56) - Rachel: Interesting. Do you know who went? - iHeart Lady: I know Schwartz went - Rachel: It seems a little telling that maybe Sheena and Lala aren't on the best terms with Ariana right now, because they went to like the Broadway opening that Ariana did for Chicago. And they also went to Dancing with the Stars. But this is all before they knew that she didn't watch the show. And so that was all before the reunion and everything. So yeah, it seems like maybe they're not on the best of terms right now.
What are your thoughts on production holding the last five minutes until the reunion to show to everyone? (Timestamp: 25:47) - Rachel: I wonder if they got word that Ariana wasn't watching the season. And they did that as a way to ensure that they would get a reaction from her, kind of like forcing her hand a little bit, forcing her into a situation that she did not want to be in. It was very strategic in that way. And it was something new. Like, we've never done that before. It was creative, for sure, on production's part.
Do you think it was fair to Ariana? (Timestamp: 26:27) - Rachel: There's a commitment, and part of that is watching the show and having an opinion on what's happening besides your own story that you're sharing. So in a way, it's like ensuring that Ariana did have an opinion on it. So very eye opening, to say the least.
I want your take on Tom's final words. He says, I love it. It's good for me. A lot of people in the room were very shocked by that. Tom even has a reaction to it, where he shakes his head no. They didn't even really press him on what he meant by that either. What's your take on all of that? (Timestamp: 26:49) - Rachel: I wish they pressed him on what he meant by that a little bit more. And Ariana was pretty much the only person that called him out on it too. She caught it. - Rachel: She was like, that exactly proves my point, that you are doing things for the audience, for the production value, and for his own story purposes. I guess in Tom's eyes, having Ariana refuse to film and walk off was good for him because he felt like he completed his job and fulfilled his duty with what production was asking from him. And Ariana was not. - Rachel: And I think selfishly, he probably thought that it would give him a better chance of having more of a redemption story. - Rachel: Because, ultimately, production is the one picking and choosing what they're going to share on the show and edit and put certain music behind certain scenes to make it seem even more of a certain way. Tom knows how to play into that. But I would have loved to hear what his explanation for that comment would be.
Why do you think they didn't press him? (Timestamp: 28:34) - Rachel: I think that they're protecting him, like they always have been.
We did see something interesting at the very end with Lisa stepping up and taking Ariana's side, which is kind of a different tune. You've talked about this before, where she seems to protect the guys a lot of the time, but then she changes her tune at the very end of the episode and takes Ariana's side. What are your thoughts on that? (Timestamp: 28:39) - Rachel: I think Lisa is very strategic with what she puts out there as well. And she knows what people are saying about her, with her always supporting the guys. So that could have been a motivation behind her changing her tune and supporting Ariana in that way. Yeah, I don't know. It's hard because I think also Lisa is very aware of who the fan favorites are. It's her show. - Rachel: She's an executive producer on this show. So she's not a dummy when it's coming to that. I think it helps her if she is supporting Ariana because she'll praise Ariana for walking away and end up holding her boundaries. - Rachel: But then when it comes to me, I don't even remember what she said about me. But when it comes to me walking away and setting a boundary for myself, I've been told that I'm a coward and I'm running away from my problems. - Rachel: So that part for me gets a little frustrating because it's like, and also the fans praising Ariana for upholding her boundaries and walking away and supporting her and telling her like, you know, she's outgrown this show. - Rachel: She should move on and do something even better with her life. And she's finding out now that these aren't her true friends and like good for her for upholding her boundaries and walking away from this situation. And I've done the same thing and it has been met with scrutiny.
Lala compares her situation with Randall to Ariana a lot throughout this reunion. Do you think the two are similar at all? (Timestamp: 30:37) - Rachel: I don't think that the relationship that Lala had with Randall is comparable to the situation that Tom and Ariana were in. It's hard to get on Lala's side with some of the things that she's saying, because the way that she spoke about her relationship with Randall is like bragging about doing BJs for PJs and getting gifted a Range Rover very early in their relationship and not being honest about who she was seeing and the situation that was happening basically. And it just seemed like she was in it for the money and like to secure her success and fame. - Rachel: So it's hard to get behind that, especially when she's been so outright about it. Unfortunately, Randall wasn't the stand up guy that she was selling him to be. We weren't buying it. - Rachel: In Ariana's case, viewers got to see that relationship develop over the years, whereas with Lala's, he wasn't around, like it was secret for a while. And, you know, it's harder to develop feelings towards a person or a relationship when you're not seeing it play out on camera. I think Lala has a lot of anger, maybe even towards herself, for the situation that she allowed herself to be in. And I think she might be taking that out on Ariana.
How hard is it to be really honest when you're in this position? And do you think certain cast members have an easier time doing this? (Timestamp: 32:22) - Rachel: So this is like where your own values come in. Like, are you an honest person or are you not? Because there are people in this cast that are not, and we know who they are, and they have no problem lying, and it doesn't bother them when they lie. - Rachel: And for me, I'm working towards living a more authentic, honest life. And part of that is being honest with my emotions, thoughts, and feelings, and expressing that, and doing that in a way that is still respectful, because I'm not trying to hurt people in the process. And I am trying to express myself honestly and be true to myself. - Rachel: So I think it just depends on who you're asking. I mean, it's definitely not easy. It's definitely hard because you're on this platform, this public arena where you're opening yourself up to scrutiny. - Rachel: And if other people have differing opinions than you do, or if your opinion is the minority, you're basically going to be harassed and scrutinized. And so sometimes for people, it's easier to not be fully honest with their thoughts and feelings in order to save face or in order to go with more popular opinion because it's perceived to be safer that way. But I don't know. - Rachel: At this point, it's like your words aren't going to hurt me. You can say whatever you want to say about me online, and I've survived this far. So whatever else you say about me is not going to affect me any more than it already has. - Rachel: I've developed thick skin through this process, and I've come to the point where I value my friendships that are real in the sense of I interact with these people in real life. I care more about people's perception of me when they actually meet me and interact with me and the vibes I give off that way. So you get to a certain point where it's almost your duty to show up for yourself and be honest with how you feel and how you think about a certain thing in that moment. - Rachel: And your opinions can change with time too and with more information. It's not like I'm going to say this one thing and I'm always going to feel this way. It's always changing, it's always developing, we're always getting more information, and we're always experiencing new things that change our perspective on life. - Rachel: So it's just your duty to represent yourself in the most authentic way so that your people will find you.
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Well, I think there was one kind of shining moment, I'll say, even though it was a really emotional moment. But the moment between, and this is a little bit of a pivot, but the moment between Schwartz and Katie, I found really interesting, where Andy was asking about their relationship. It seemed like this season, they had a little bit more of a playful dynamic. But Schwartz gets really emotional, saying that he doesn't regret how their relationship ended. But you can kind of see in his eyes that he tears well up. He gets really emotional. What did you make of that moment? (Timestamp: 38:08) - Rachel: We don't think we've really seen a moment like that between Tom, Schwartz, and Katie. It really seems like they've come to terms with how the relationship ended, and that it was for the best. But it seemed like there was a lot of fond memories and just appreciation for one another, that I don't think I've really seen that dynamic between them before. - iHeart Lady: To me, it seemed like in a season where there was a lot of hurt, that seemed like the one moment of maybe seeing two people that are going through the process of healing. - Rachel: Viewing that, it did seem like they were both coming from a place of healing, because they weren't throwing insults at each other or trying to bring each other down. It was very respecting one another and appreciating the moments that they did have together while it lasted. And that's refreshing to see on this show.
Lala said something at the very end where she said it was really hard for her to show up to season nine reunion, I believe it was. You know, she didn't want to talk about certain things, but she showed up. Ariana said the same thing where she could say the same about the season 10 reunion. She didn't want to be there. You could probably say the same thing about the season 10 reunion. You didn't want to be there as well. Is it fair to say everyone's been in a position where they didn't want to be somewhere, but they did anyway? (Timestamp: 39:44) - Rachel: 100%. Yeah, totally. And that's like the part of committing to this show. It's a commitment. And even though you don't quite know what you're signing up for, you know that it's not going to be necessarily easy. And there's a challenge in that. - Rachel: And I think, just speaking for myself, there was an opportunity for growth for me in that. Yeah, I think we've all been in a situation where we didn't want to show up for something and felt, I don't think obligated is the right word, but we made a commitment to being there, and we followed through with our commitment. And it's hard.
You started this episode off by acknowledging that there was a lot of healing that this cast needs to do. As someone who has taken a step back from filming, you've had this time to kind of come back to your own reality. What can this cast expect when you have that moment to kind of breathe and have that separation and you rejoin reality for a minute? (Timestamp: 41:07) - Rachel: Oh, okay. That is a loaded question. Because I think that there's a little bit of fear with not being the current topic of conversation. - Rachel: I think addiction is the wrong word, but there's a little bit of the dopamine hits that you get when you're being talked about on a reality TV show and the fear of that going away permanently could be a scary thing. But taking time off and re-centering with yourself, I think is like the best thing for this cast right now, because we don't want to be forced into situations that we don't want to be in. That's not living an authentic life. - Rachel: I mean, I've been worrying about scenes and storylines, and I haven't even been a part of this show, but now it feels good not to worry about that. And I do have to say, just like reading all the comments on Reddit right now, it's like hardly anybody is talking about me, which is a great feeling. It's just so much more freeing when you're not living your life for somebody else's entertainment anymore. - Rachel: It just feels like you get your life back a little bit. It's so complex, and I think it's hard to understand if you haven't been through being on a TV show for millions of people to comment on and judge your life. I don't think humans are meant for that, and there's no way that that's healthy. - Rachel: Yeah, I said that I think the cast, we have a lot of healing to do. We, as in, I still do too, and part of that is coming back to reality. And I really don't think that we've had a minute this whole season. I think it's going to be good for everyone.
Has this year though felt different to you? I feel like you're like half in, half out (Timestamp: 43:42) - Rachel: Oh, yeah, it's felt so different. But I think like a large part of that has to do with going to the meadows and really reconnecting with myself and learning about my issues and how it was showing up for me and really coming to terms with like, what is this piece of external validation and how is that motivating me? And is it even real? - Rachel: And just like really re centering back into myself and gaining a lot more perspective with that. Without the meadows, I would not be where I am right now. There's no freaking way. So it is. I'm living a new life. I really am. - Rachel: And I feel like I haven't really been able to truly have the opportunity to live my new life to the fullest because this show has been holding me back. And I know that that's partially my fault too because I'm indulging and speaking about it, but I'm really looking forward to the days when I can truly move forward and evolve into something even more magnificent.
Outro (Timestamp: 45:02) - Rachel: Thank you so much for listening to Rachel Goes Rogue. Follow us on Instagram and TikTok for exclusive video content at Rachel Goes Rogue Podcast.
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