Hey guys, first time posting here. I’m basically just looking for advice on how I should approach my doctor about possibly having pcos/endometriosis or whatever else (I think most likely PCOS). I'm actually seeing a new doctor at my usual clinic, a female GP that has special interest in the area, because my usual doctor (an older man in his 70s), although has been great for most issues, is absolutely useless when it comes to feminine problems. I’ve brought up my concerns at three separate occasions: first time we did a blood test, which he claimed all look normal so nothing happened, and the next time he told me to improve my diet and exercise more.
The third time (about a year later at this point) I went to him with my evidence that I had been doing everything he says with absolutely no change, he ordered for blood tests again, and aside from my iron being low he said everything looked fine. When I said, "okay, then what else could be the reason for all my symptoms?" he literally just shrugged at me and said "hmm, that’s strange." Did nothing else about it. So I'm seeing someone different.
Basically since I was 14/15 I have suspected something was not normal with my periods/hormones but for the longest time I was gaslit (particularly by my mother) that all the issues I was dealing with I was just exaggerating and they were perfectly normal. It’s only been the last few years (I’m 23 now, almost 24) that I’ve stuck to my guns I swear something is wrong with me.
Just to give a rundown, from when I was 12 to 18/19 my period was irregular, but consistent in how it acted, I guess. It wasn’t uncommon for me at all to have anywhere between a week to two months between my periods, but usually it’d be roughly two and a half weeks between my period ending to starting again. But if it came earlielater than that, I wasn’t surprised at all. When I was in high school I wasn’t worried about the irregularity of it, I knew that sometimes it can take a few years before it became regular, so that wasn’t a concern of mine until I was like 19. My actual period though was extremely predictable: I’d get terrible mood swings 1-2 days before it started, it’d last exactly a week, from day 1 and 2 being so extremely heavy I used to wear 2-3 pairs of underwear to control leaks and I passed out in public a couple times from blood loss, and then it’d gradually taper down in the week till I was just lightly bleeding to spotting the last day. I would also be in constant pain throughout the week, not so bad that I’d skip school/work, but bad enough I went through a pack or two of Advil/ibuprofen every period, I’d keep a constant stockpile of it, and I’d genuinely panic if I got my period and realise I’d run out.
When I was 20, my period completely flipped on its head out of nowhere. It went from what it was above to being consistently regular once a month, but suddenly only being 3, maybe 4, days long. But the first day and a half became condensed to absolute hell. They were still heavy, not to the point of what it was like when I was a teenager but I still succumbed to wearing disposable incontinence underwear for the first night each period cuz it was easier than dealing with the mess, and I’d feel so nauseous, get extreme hot flashes, and have such intense painful cramps that regular Panadol or Advil didn’t cut it anymore even if doubled up the dosage. So I’d sometimes resort to my prescription arthritis pain meds just to deal with it. I always skip my classes on these days and I’d sometimes call in sick to work (if I did go in customers and coworkers alike would comment on how I look unwell). However, once the first two days were over, I’d feel fine and the spotting on the third day would be so light I wouldn’t even bother wearing a pad half the time. Around this time however, I suddenly gained 15-20kg basically for no reason. I was going through a bit of a depressive time initially, which I chalked the first 10kg on, but even when I got better and fixed my diet I kept gaining. Then I went on birth control for a year and although I didn’t weigh myself during this time, I swear I went over 100kg and I was just constantly bleeding this entire time, so I went off it.
I lost some of my BC weight but I was still notably bigger than I was before it (96kg at this time). despite my diet being about the same (which btw, I logged for about 3 weeks, was around 1700-1800 calories a day). This was around the second time I saw my doctor about this, early last year, and he told me to just eat less. So I cut down to 1500 calories, even 1200 calories, no change. He put me on ozempic, thinking it could help, and even while on it for 8 months, raising my dosage, and going some weeks where I only ate 1000 calories a day and starting to exercise, I only went down to 89kg at most. I stopped taking it cuz I couldn’t afford it anymore, and luckily my weight still hovers at the 90kg mark. It was about Nov last year I last saw him about it where he did my blood test again and said it was all normal.
I want to see a doctor again cuz in the last two months, my period and hormones are out of whack again. The predictability of my period from the last 4 years is gone again, being different each time the last 3 times, and although according to the scale I haven’t gained, I still have gone up a dress size or two, depending on the day. And I keep breaking out as well, when normally my skin is relatively clear.
I knew for a fact something was wrong when my mum went through menopause two years ago and her symptoms sounded a lot like my periods. Now I want to know what is wrong with me.
Sorry for the long rant, any insights could help.

My (17M) former “friend” (17M) whom I went to school with (both elementary, middle and the first year of high school) had apologized to me last year for bullying me in school. He still had my email and wrote me an email saying he apologizes for what he had done and he wanted to be my friend again. I told him I accept his apology but do not want contact with him, also because, to be honest, we are just two different people with (totally) different interests. Then this year, a few months ago, he wrote me another email saying the same basically and I chose to not reply, my parents and coach also said that’s the right choice actually. I was bullied so much by him and his other friend at that time (who is now 16, M). This all happened in March of 2022, when I was 14, he was 15 and the other friend was also 14 like me. It was my first year of HS and already had to be homeschooled because of bullying (also because of the years prior). I am now homeschooled and enjoy it, to be honest. He has bullied me since elementary school and saying he’s sorry every time, his actions don’t show it. He also sent my real friends threats and insulted their families for no reason, calling them all kinds of bad names. They made me look like a fool in front of the entire class.
AITA for not wanting to be friends with him again?

(14, just graduated junior high) currently just had a panic attack in the bathroom at 1am, feeling ggggggrrrrreeeeaaattt! fresh cvts all over my arm, only way to calm me down, its becoming an addiction. my parents have been dealing with my brother lately who is 9, keeps getting kicked out of schools EVERY SINGLE YEAR. they are so stressed with him, and they have been lead on to believe i am getting "better" so every single day i have to hide the fact that i almost threw up the night before shaking while hyperventalating on the bathroom floor. masking is so hard, and everything i do i feel like i should've done the day before, or a month ago, or a year ago. thats stopping me from starting so much projects and schoolwork. and im just having regret for the simplest of things, like missing the last 3 days of school because of my parents forcing me to sleep in. my ocd just cant take it, which leads to more "episodes" and im so scared of my parents finding out about my mental health "crisis" and being even more stressed. regret regret regret. i just hate it all. its unbearable.

TLDR: My 21F friend has and expresses a constant toxic competitiveness with others. Wondering if I’m a bad friend for wanting life to humble her into compassion. Wondering if I should cut her off.
Am I wrong for starting to be resentful of a toxically competitive friend, to the point of almost wanting other people to win over in every area of her life so she can fix her attitude?
Wanted a blunt take. I’ll start from small to larger concerns:

• Never gives credit: This might seem small but she only supports you until you’re better than her. Only “you’re so pretty” or “happy for you”. Never real substance. For example I’ve made art ever since i was a kid and so I’ve been trained in the discipline for years. She has never once complimented my creativity but emulates my every style choice and hobby then acts as if it were an independent thought. For example I made my own brand that blossomed. She never complimented me on creating the brand which is fine, but when I created a piece for her out of love instead of shining the spotlight on me and my work that I spent hours on she posts it as part of a aesthetic, and didn’t tag my work as an artist even though she has tags on all of her other posts. Getting her to tag my website was like pulling teeth, and to this day I’m 90% sure she lies and tells her friends that she thrifted my creation. I feel like her incessant need to feel special makes her selfish, especially when it’s giving a friend credit when it’s clearly due.
• whenever I or any other friend gets exciting opportunities, she always finds ways to incorporate jokes that diminish it.
• whenever a shared friend and I both have —major— good news to share like a job offer, she can’t seem to just let us have ONE moment. She always has to attribute our successes to “oh look we’re —all— succeeding as a friend group today I found such a cute handbag at the mall” but when she has good news to share it’s always only congratulating her.
• she always claims she hates when fake friends are in one sided competition with her… but then say they’re not even on her skill level to compete? Even about her own current friends she’ll bring up occasions in which she won something years ago like “oh her mother hated mine because my quince party was just better than hers”. Another example is she and i go to a very hard college to go into, and she’ll speak on people who have done her wrong saying “and look she goes to community college”
• whenever someone hurts her or disrespects her in a very petty tiny way, she seems to find sincere joy in their suffering. She has told me about her satisfaction when people who have done her wrong (in high school…) get diagnosed with cancer or get into a life threatening car crash, attributing it to “karma” or her being blessed and protected, when all they’ve done wrong to her is dumb interpersonal drama.

She clearly has redeeming qualities too as a person but would love advice

There's a person on leadership that is the reason I'm leaving and I've kept a dated list of her singling me out in front of coworkers/correcting me on things that her leaders told me aren't rules, an unsafe lack of communication etc...
i know this version of the list (names changed, i'm going by "sam", krista is the Team Lead and Melissa is her daughter)
I know in it's current state it's very emotionally based but i'd like to maybe edit it ot get to the heart of the problem? i dunno. It's probably not worth sending but, fuck was it nice to type it all out.
/
3/2- Ian told Carter to shadow me. Krista kept adding in things which is her job as one of the leads but at one point, I was redirecting a child from the splash pad slide pool to the waterfall pool and Krista interrupted me in front of the guest:
Krista: “What are you doing?”
Sam: “Oh! I learned it from summer camp, kids respond better to being redirected than just being told no.”
Krista: “You can’t tell a kid what to do. This is a resort.”
Carter: “I think redirecting makes sense.”
Krista: “Just tell the kid the rules.”
I spoke with Sheila and Jonah in the Management Office and they both agreed to take the mindset that Krista and I are both trying to keep the pool safe and treat her with compassion. I absolutely have been trying my best to keep that mindset but, over the next few examples, I feel very strongly that it hasn’t been returned.
3/21- Mo was Team Lead. There was a couple in mid that were yelling and cursing at each other. I was on mid, I blew my whistle twice and held my fist up. Mo looked at me and kept scanning. I blew my whistle twice and held my fist up again. Mo made his way over and I informed him of the problem. He said “we can’t do anything unless a guest complains.”
A few minutes later, an off duty staff member did complain. Once again, it took two tries to get Mo’s attention. I sent the staff member to speak to Mo directly. By then, the argument had dwindled down so there was nothing for Mo to handle.
4/1- I was filling out an incident report after a first aid emergency and Krista told me to go rotate. I was later corrected by Trish that incident reports are indeed supposed to be done before roating out. This is more minor but, there seems to be a few incidents of leadership not being on the same page.
4/14- tried to ask Melissa where I should be for attraction as we were all walking to attraction. She kept waking ahead of me & ignored me after I tried to ask her or others in the group a few different times at different volumes. I went to Dispatch and she asked, “why are you here?”, I said”you weren't communicating so I just picked a spot.”
4/15- I mentioned to Tim that I’m feeling frustrated with the way Krista and Melissa are treating me. Tim mentioned that perception of others is important, which I agree with. Tim said he would talk to Melissa but he hasn’t followed up with me to this date and Melissa’s behavior hasn’t noticeably changed. Still a general, subtle pattern of being ignored: she will walk ahead of me during rotation instead of alongside me, will ignore me when I say good morning in the break room, etc.
4/10(ish?)- I was called to be Eye Full guard because team lead and another break room guard were dealing with a medical emergency. Multiple chaperones from the school were involved but I kept my eyes on the pool. The medical emergency took a good 60 minutes or so. Before the other break room guard rotated to Mid, I asked her for an update. She updated me on what was going on. As I roated out Krista, she began to berate me for “taking too long and chatting with the other guards instead of rotating out”
“I was just asking the other guard what was going on, making sure they didn’t need an extra break from dealing with the emergency.”
“You need to be more on time with your breaks. I’ve been standing here for a long time and I saw you talk to her multiple times.”
I’m not certain if she confused the guard with a guest dressed in red that I was talking to, since it was the other end of the pool. I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt.
4/22– Krista took multiple extended rotations to chat with other guards for non-emergency reasons, leaving me on the stand for a while. Even the current Team Lead commented on this.
4/- during closing shift, Mo was lead. Melissa and I were doing chairs on the lawn, near each other. Mo called me on radio to have Melissa clean female lockers. Melissa ignored me after I called after her multiple times at differing volumes. Even once looking me in the eyes and ignoring me. Melissa finally responded, saying Mo told her to do chairs. I told her Mo just radioed me ten seconds ago and she got visibility irritated.
5/ 8- There was a baby in the hot pool. I told the guest, “Just so you know, we reccomend that tiny ones not be in the hot pool because they have trouble regulating their temperature.” I went on break and the guest didn’t complain, at least not to me. Melissa and I are both on break.
Krista calls for both break room guards to come out. I get out there first and ask what’s up. Krista says, “We should wait for everyone.”
We sit there and wait for Melissa to come out.
Krista proceeds to correct me: “Sam. Are you aware of the rules posted on the sign?”
Sam: “Have the rules been changed recently?”
Krista: “Are you aware of the rules posted on the sign?”
Sam: “If I’ve done something specific that needs to be corrected, please just tell me.”
Krista: I spoke with Tim and he said we aren’t supposed to correct guests on how to take care of their children.
Sam: “Alright. Understood. I was told by Reese that we weren’t allowed to let little ones in the hot pool.”
Krista: “Okay, you can both go rotate.”
I spoke to her after the next rotation because, honestly being singled out with an audience was upsetting especially when it was something I’d been told was a rule by a Head Guard. She claimed that she was “making sure everyone heard the new rule”.
4/22- I said good morning to Krista. Krista looked right at me blankly and started talking to Nova. When I was mid guard, Krista kept watching my zone rather than hers. At one point, she left deep entirely to correct some guests in mid. During break, I asked her what had happened, in case I had missed an important safety issue.
Krista: “Oh, just some kids being bullies.”
Sprinkled in amongst the documented more lifeguard/leadership specific issues are general trends of being ignored in the break room. Melissa or Krista will look at me and ignore me when I try to say hello or make small talk. Boris and Cam have both noticed it as well, it’s not just in my head. I confronted Melissa on this once:
Sam: “Hey, I know we don’t need to be BFFs at work but I can tell that you and Krista are treating me differently. What’s going on?”
Melissa: “I treat you the same as everyone else, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I’ve even tried apologizing to Melissa and Krista, just in case I was the problem:
Sam: “Hey, I wanted to apologize if I’ve been a bit erratic. I’ve been dealing with some personal issues and might have taken things out on the wrong people? If I did hurt you, that was wrong of me and I’m sorry. I’m working on it.”
Melissa: “Oh, thanks.”
Still no change in either’s behavior.
Work is not where I go to make friends but there’s something to be said about being given the cold shoulder at a place I spend 40hrs a week. I can only be the happy sunshine person that I love to be, if at least a little joy is given to me in return.
I’ve been a Waterfront Director in charge of training other (often high school aged) guards. I’ve been a Head Guard. I’ve taken orientations or extra training on how to properly lead, how to understand other’s specific feedback needs or how to see the stressed out human vs their mistakes. I used to be a poor leader: i was blunt and too direct, too my-way-or-the-highway as a leader. But I learned a lot from other managers who have trained me and I place a high value on my leadership toolbox and how far I’ve come as a leader. Because of this, I have high expectations of the leadership I encounter at work.
I understand that Krista is going through some heavy things– so am I. I still deserve to be treated with respect, not singled out in front of her daughter or treated as if I’m a day-one lifeguard rather than someone who’s been doing this for five years. I understand that I have, will, am always going to make mistakes, but there’s a lot to be said about how you speak to someone when you’re correcting them. I think that’s something that Krista could work on. Learning other’s “correction styles” and giving better feedback that way. I feel that would make the team stronger! I’m not in any sort of position to correct her leadership style. I’m just a “normal” lifeguard. Just my opinion.
It’s not just in my head as other staff have noticed my ostracization. (1, 2, and I'm fairly certain that 3 has seen Melissa straight up ignore me when I’ve tried asking her a question in the Manager Office more than once)
This strange drama has caused rifts in communication that could have future safety consequences. Because of this– mostly small things, but a larger pattern of communication and overall a lack of support from management about how to fix it– I’m resigning from my lifeguard role.
I really wanted to grow with this company. It seemed like a nice facility, an interesting new job. But this weird dynamic between Melissa and Krista and I is just too taxing, so it’s time for me to move on. Thank you.

Hi! I’m a 17 year old, about to become a senior in high school and I’m considering joining the Navy. I’m a first generation, top 10% of my class and I scored an 82 on the ASVAB, which everyone tells me is a great score especially for someone who lives in Las Vegas. Anyways, I’m considering joining the Navy because I feel like I need a challenge in a life, a sense of belonging, and I’m not sure if I can afford college in this day and age. I’ve only met with the Marine and Navy recruiters but in the end I qualify for basically any job I want, except something nuclear for the Marines, however for the Navy they said I will probably qualify for their nuclear program and it’s interesting, I like math and science, never gotten anything below a B in those subjects and maybe I’ll be a good fit? The pay that they advertise is pretty good and I don’t mind schooling. But ever since I could remember I’ve wanted to do something in the medical field, and I know for the Navy that would be becoming a hospital corpsman. I’ve always wanted to become a nurse, getting my BSN and I know the navy has a program precisely for this. But I also know I can be in one program and go to college for a completely different thing like nursing. Now my question is, is it really worth it? Does anyone know the pros and cons? (Apart from the obvious ones) Any advice you guys can give me? Anyone a hospital corpsman or former? Or someone who went to through the nuclear program and knows the demand and responsibilities? Thanks!

Hey everyone! 👋 I'm looking for someone to take over my lease at Alight State College from the start of the school year until the end. The apartment is fully furnished, with 4 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms, and includes a washer and dryer in the unit. You'll have your own room and sink, but will share a bathroom. The apartment features high-speed wifi and great community amenities like a pool, fitness center, and more. Rent is around $600 a month, with utilities costing an additional $20 - $40 monthly. It's a 30-40 minute walk to campus, but there's a bus stop right next to the unit for convenience. If you or someone you know is interested, please feel free to reach out to me for more details. Thank you!
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I 22m have been taking depression and anxiety medications for a few months now. Due to some issues in my childhood I started taking them in high school at 18 and used them on and off. I don’t like using them because I think it’s embarrassing I need them as a grown man so I try to not take them they. However since about Christmas of last year things were getting really bad and although I tried to stay off them I started having negative thoughts and isolating myself so I decided to go back on them before I did somthing I regret.
I’ve been dating my gf since 18 maybe a few months after I originally started going on meds and have never told her about these issues or anyone really. When I was isolating I would just make excuses about being busy with school and work because I didn’t want her to know how bad it was. Some medications also ruined my sex drive and that combined with those same childhood issues made me embarrassed/uncomfortable with sex.
However she went through my phone the other day and saw some of my journal entries about how I’m feeling and my medications. She got upset that after almost 5 years together I’ve never told her about my depression or anxiety and that all the times I was distant it was actually due to mental health reasons. I told her it’s hard to bring up and I just didn’t want anyone to know or judge me for needing medication to cope with my daily life. AITA for not disclosing this stuff with her?

Hoping to double major in political science and sociology, polysci is priority if I’m unable to do both.
Demographics: white, non-binary (afab), small town and underfunded + low income and poc majority high school, middle class, professor parents
Stats: 3.7(?) GPA, 9 AP classes by end of sr year plus 3 dual enrollment style college credit classes and 1 history class taken at a local LAC. Current SAT 1390 but retaking it and hoping for 1450+ (should be achievable as I did not study at all first time and have a good RW score). No ACT. High AP exam scores in relevant subjects though I doubt that affects anything.
ECs: President and cofounder of school GSA, hosted events achieved goals such as gender neutral bathrooms and name changes in the system for trans kids. Headed lighting tech for school plays since freshman year, 8+ events. Varsity bowling (yes I’m lazy). Featured fiction and nonfiction works in school-wide publications. Participant and leader in a rock/music/social justice camp for 10 years, worked at events hosted by the organization, performed events promoting or including the organization including an official celebration for women’s hall of fame inaugurations. Run a blog reviewing political, historical, and sociological nonfiction. Lived abroad in Ireland 4 times from an early age. NHS, Model UN, learning Swahili (do I count this as an EC) volunteer work with domestic abuse shelters and charities addressing poverty in my town, hopefully a Teachers Assistant for AP Gov, APUSH, or AP Lit my senior year.
Other factors: strong relationships with my teachers and counselor (good recs!), upwards trend in GPA, medical issues (specified later). Politically active, knowledgeable, and have demonstrated interest in politics and sociology as wide concepts but also specifics such as American imperialism, labor history, history of subculture and counterculture, etc. Have been told I have excellent writing and argumentative skills so hoping my essay is also a plus.
Context: after beating depression freshman year I contracted a chronic illness sophomore year (so fun!!). It’s really only gotten worse, I’m tardy every day except those I am absent. My teachers, counselors, etc. are all aware of this and it is a 100% certainty that my GPA and the mediocre extracurriculars are a consequence of this disability. I’m very proud of myself for what I’ve achieved despite my disability, but I know it’s brought me down a lot. I’m banking on my ability to get into afternoon classes, and have proof of success in a college class as evidence that I am more than capable of performing acceptably and exceptionally
So… college list (I know there’s a lot, mostly massive reaches) includes: Smith, Mt. Holyoke, American Uni, GW uni, Trinity college Dublin, Georgetown, Berea, UMass Amherst, Uni of Richmond, BostonU, UW Seattle, Gallaudet, St. Olaf, Reed College, Uni at buffalo, basically diverse and reasonably well-rated schools are what I’m looking for.

Hey all I would appreciate any sort of help since I would really love to help my Mom!
My Mom (50) was wondering what the pros and cons were of obtaining a teaching credential at San Jose State Univeristy vs. Santa Clara University. For context, my mom is a not a native english speaker, so her english speaking and writing skills are below average. (her biggest struggle is with grammar when she speaks). She also would like to know how this may impact her as good communication and writing skills are essential for teaching. My Mom wants to teach in elementary school, but thinks that it would be much easier for her to teach in middle school because teachers are required to teach all subjects in elementary vs 1 subject in middle (correct me if I'm wrong). My mom is a stay at home mom so she has plenty of time, has taken community college courses, and recently passed the CBest. Since she does have difficulty with english, she would prefer to enroll at a school that is less rigorous and easier for her to thrive in. Her number 1 priority is the difficulty of the school and her second priorty is the cost. She also has not decided on what she wants to teach. Ironically, my mom wants to teach ELD, which from what I understand requires a high level of english.
Thanks in advance,
Any advice is appreciated

I live in a family with a highly religious, somewhat narcissistic and abusive mother. I was taught and had learned to be religious but personally I ended up being agnostic. It's one of the many things I can never tell her, she terrifies me. Everywhere I go, I am absolutely paranoid she's around. Everyday I go to school and look out the windows as I run through a hallway just incase she's maybe outside. I am scared because if she ever found out about how I'm not the kid she ever wanted, she'll ruin whatever I still have in life

https://preview.redd.it/7owg8vamg42d1.jpg?width=1091&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=db71f25792d47a2782fb9e2f996a75b0b57caf82
huhu may chance pa kaya ako ma accept if ever may second batch with these scores? and crucial nung english ko huhu I got 62 cuz I didn't get to finish my eng part tas 20 questions ata naiwan ko nun T-T

Emily saying "maybe she can just trust that they'll be friends outside of school", really got me. Took me back to when I graduated high school and I was one of the few in my friend group to go to a different college. By the end of freshman year of college I didn't have my "party" anymore.
This coupled with Riz talking about exploring options like the academy for solo adventurers makes me wonder if the journey of the bad kids is drawing to an end. Which is fine because thematically it's good for them to branch out and become fully fledged individuals, but bittersweet and sad.

Currently 18 years old and I use reddit as a tool to rant a lot. I don't feel comfortable ranting outside to my parents, sister, or friends. Throughout my life I have been bullied and used. I've always been the butt of the joke. A lot of it was because I am Indian. I would get called curry-muncher, or other derogatory terms. When I was on the swim team I would be pushed into the locker room cause I was so skinny at the time I was able to fit in it. I sucked at standing up for myself, cause I was never taught how to properly. So I kept on this anger throughout my life. It came to a point where it felt as if I deserved it. Like it was a punishment of some sort. I later than took that anger out on my mother, father, etc. The few people in this shit world that cared about me.
Fast forward to high school. Got bullied a lot. One of my toxic friends at the time would spread false rumors about me. It got to the point where I almost got in trouble for something I didn't do, and could've been rescinded from university and lost everything I worked hard for. I cut that friend off. It was also during this time where I felt the most insecure. I did good in high school, really good. I got good grades, was part of a bunch of extracurriculars, etc. This led me into getting into a top university in the US. But all of that felt like it was nothing. I had no ounce of happiness about it. Why? Because there is someone who is better than me. One of my other toxic friends would tell me that this friend was the "better version of me" That one comment shattered me. Why tf would you say that about someone!!!
It was also during this period where I got into the black-pill & red-pill culture. Fresh & Fit, FITXFEARLESS etc. That harmed me and my perspective on the world even more. I am a short 5'7-5'8 Indian man. Which stuck to me as a curse. That I will die alone because of this. Even if there where girls who had crushes on me during high school, I never pursued it because I felt like a looser about myself. It also made me feel like a looser at the time because I was a virgin at 17 and not hooking up with multiple women at the time.
Now entering College, it felt like my life started picking up. I got a great group of friends I met through several organizations. My frat and church are both. I started taking my faith in Christianity more seriously, which helped me become more happy and grateful in life. My parents are Hindus, and where strictly against this. This impacted my mental health even more.
All of the past toxic friendships I had before I cut off completely. I also started lifting during college. During high school I would do push-ups , like 1,500 a day type of thing, which wasn't really good for hypertrophy. I could now bench around 225lbs within 10 months of lifting. But even then, this mindset of being the looser in life stuck.
Yeah I'm jacked and hard-working, but I'm still the skinny little Indian kid who was the butt of the joke. I still am only 5'7. I still have no game with women, and can't pull. I'm still a virgin at 18. Which Ik as a christian I shouldn't be thinking about, but it feels important to me when I hear about how my high school friends would loose theirs at 16,17, etc.
When can I just take a break. I just want to end it all at times. Jump in front of a car, stab myself, hang myself. I tried doing that multiple times during high school.
Ik it could be worse. Ik that I am privileged in a sense. But its the mindset I have. I can not appreciate myself ever.

Currently 18 years old and I use reddit as a tool to rant a lot. I don't feel comfortable ranting outside to my parents, sister, or friends. Throughout my life I have been bullied and used. I've always been the butt of the joke. A lot of it was because I am Indian. I would get called curry-muncher, or other derogatory terms. When I was on the swim team I would be pushed into the locker room cause I was so skinny at the time I was able to fit in it. I sucked at standing up for myself, cause I was never taught how to properly. So I kept on this anger throughout my life. It came to a point where it felt as if I deserved it. Like it was a punishment of some sort. I later than took that anger out on my mother, father, etc. The few people in this shit world that cared about me.
Fast forward to high school. Got bullied a lot. One of my toxic friends at the time would spread false rumors about me. It got to the point where I almost got in trouble for something I didn't do, and could've been rescinded from university and lost everything I worked hard for. I cut that friend off. It was also during this time where I felt the most insecure. I did good in high school, really good. I got good grades, was part of a bunch of extracurriculars, etc. This led me into getting into a top university in the US. But all of that felt like it was nothing. I had no ounce of happiness about it. Why? Because there is someone who is better than me. One of my other toxic friends would tell me that this friend was the "better version of me" That one comment shattered me. Why tf would you say that about someone!!!
It was also during this period where I got into the black-pill & red-pill culture. Fresh & Fit, FITXFEARLESS etc. That harmed me and my perspective on the world even more. I am a short 5'7-5'8 Indian man. Which stuck to me as a curse. That I will die alone because of this. Even if there where girls who had crushes on me during high school, I never pursued it because I felt like a looser about myself. It also made me feel like a looser at the time because I was a virgin at 17 and not hooking up with multiple women at the time.
Now entering College, it felt like my life started picking up. I got a great group of friends I met through several organizations. My frat and church are both. I started taking my faith in Christianity more seriously, which helped me become more happy and grateful in life. My parents are Hindus, and where strictly against this. This impacted my mental health even more.
All of the past toxic friendships I had before I cut off completely. I also started lifting during college. During high school I would do push-ups , like 1,500 a day type of thing, which wasn't really good for hypertrophy. I could now bench around 225lbs within 10 months of lifting. But even then, this mindset of being the looser in life stuck.
Yeah I'm jacked and hard-working, but I'm still the skinny little Indian kid who was the butt of the joke. I still am only 5'7. I still have no game with women, and can't pull. I'm still a virgin at 18. Which Ik as a christian I shouldn't be thinking about, but it feels important to me when I hear about how my high school friends would loose theirs at 16,17, etc.
When can I just take a break. I just want to end it all at times. Jump in front of a car, stab myself, hang myself. I tried doing that multiple times during high school.
Ik it could be worse. Ik that I am privileged in a sense. But its the mindset I have. I can not appreciate myself ever.