Hey everyone! I have done some interviews.
I had three rounds of interviews for one of the jobs. First two rounds with the director and the last round was with the VP. Also, VP asked when can I start, and they didn’t even talk about the salary but HR mentioned the budget for the role in the phone screening call though.
My question:
🔹What’s the normal timeframe to get an email with an offer or rejection after the interviews? 🔹When should I send a follow-up email? 🔹If I get an offer, what’s the best way to negotiate the salary or PTO? 🔹Any tips of approaching this will be appreciated and helpful for next interviews.

I am writing from my phone and english is not my first language.
I was about to upload this to dating advice, but this already feels like a relationship. I don't know what kind, but more than friends for sure.
For context, we met at university. That day, we spent some time cooking lunch and dinner for an activity and clicked almost instantly. We shared socials and since then we talk everyday, send memes, etc.
That first week, I threw myself at the pool first and sort of asked him to invite me to watch a movie. We agreed to watch a movie at the end of that week at my place, and then (in the same conversation) he invited me to watch some animation competition happening next week. We had to move the movie from friday to sunday because he got sick, but we ended up meeting on sunday at 3AM at my place.
Long story short, he needed a place to stay that night and was very apologetic when he talked to me, but he did because my place was close to where he was (at a friend's friend where he couldn't stay over), and he lives about an hour from here and there were no buses at that time. I accepted because we had been talking a lot, I trusted him and I actually wanted him to stay at my place the next day, and if he stayed we wouldn't have to wake up early for the movie thing we had planned. Win-win situation.
After he arrived we talked a lot. I have an extra mattress so we did his bed next to mine, and we talked while laying in the dark. We acknowledged that we had known each other for only a week by then, but that, strangely, we trusted eachother and that we felt a special conection. After some time the conversation died and I was about to give up talking and go to sleep when he asked if I liked being pet in my head, and after I said yes he offered to pet my head. I accepted and was about to get closer to the edge of the bed when he got up, so I made some space for him to lay next to me. My heart was beating fast and hard, but god knows how much I had been wanting that closeness. We just embraced eachother, for a while, but then I gave in and also kissed him. We didn't have sex. We kissed and then remained in eachother's arms, caressing until we fell asleep.
He stayed the next day and we slept together again. Since then things have developed a lot, with lots of conversations and affection (as much as this short time has allowed). We have a lot in common, and have spoken with honesty about expectations, where we are in life, boundaries. We are aware that it's been only weeks since we met, but we are aware of this connection too. We are not in an official relationship, although we already talked about exclusivity. We don't want to move fast but also we don't want to hold back the affection.
I will talk from my pov now. It is conflictive to me, having those concepts (knowing him for so little, being so close already) in my head. But never in my life I have felt something like this. Like a deep gut feeling that this person is for me.
Realistically speaking, I know it is not like that, but at the very least I want this person to be for me. I am now deliberately choosing to nurture a relationship with him.
But there's a lot of insecurities that come from it, mostly things that have been ingrained in our society, and probably with good reason. What is going too fast? Am I giving too much? Is that a bad thing? And if it's reciprocated? Could something like this work for the long run? I would like to know about your experiences, I am sure I am not the only one that has felt this way. How did you make it work?
A little extra context but you can skip this if you want. Some time before I met him, I thought I liked a friend. I even posted on dating advice about it. After knowing my friend didn't like me that way, I realized I only liked the thought of him being interested in me and got over it quickly. What I felt then couldn't be more opposite of what I am feeling and experiencing now. Maybe I'm still too struck with hormones, I don't know (and that's kind of why I want other people's input too). But everything that was insecurities then I feel secure now, most issues I had then, now I don't. Like, the thoughts I have now are "how do I make this work for life" instead of "will we be able to connect some day".
I'm leaving some details out (like my uni friends knowing him beforehand and how that cemented some of my trust even harder) for the sake of the readers, but I will gladly answer any questions you have. Thank you in advance for you time and for sharing your story with me.
TLDR; I met a guy three weeks ago, I don't know if we are moving fast (bc what is moving fast?) and need advice on how to develop this relationship in a healthy way so we can keep going for a long time. Have you made something like this work for the long run?

So - Itemized history to set the mood: hired out of college in 1994 to do c ( no plus plus ) programming. Job falls through Take a job doing cobol ( ick ). Company is sold , grinding the souls left , until I'm all thats left. Move companies (6 mo after graduating) - work there 5 years, start as cobol programmer, climb the ladder, end up as database admin - ( db2 and oracle - certified on 7.3.4 ). Y2K - transfer to forever job - locally its the place you work forever if you are lucky enough to land there( public utility, pension, etc ) - damn near a job that came with "golden handcuffs". 19 years in - after a reorg or 2 - my department finally gets a seat at the executive table, however the person selected to assume that position is a zoology major with a certificate from a respected business school. Thats it. The final reorg - I was invited to leave. Off 6 months , given 6 months severance. Forever job gone, not for cause, just no longer existed ( I'm a linux admin / oracle dba at the time, they want to move towards MS - no idea why anyone would, but thats the direction, and I'm suddenly really expendable ). Tons of linux and oracle experience - even some experience with docker ( which at the time was new ). End up finding a spot with a smallish consultancy that is trying to establish a foothold at a local military base. Didn't want to work on a base really - but ended up liking it more than I thought - and had I not triggered my bosses boss's napoleon complex - I ( sadly) might still be there. Napoleon goes off - tries to push me out - and finally I get a call offering me the same sort of job ( contract to hire ) for 30k more( total 130k). So sweet. Start new gig , there a year and a half - kinda dig it - to the point I tell the GF I'm glad I switched jobs. That very day - I'm told the budget for my position has been eliminated. Best guess - I was the expensive piece my boss brought in - and he's leaving for a different job. They want the new guy to pick his own expensive piece. So - at this time I'm pulling down 130k, and have a TS clearance. Should be a gold mine, right?
It was more or less - catch a job making 150k , doing the same work as before ( k8s, docker, etc ) and out of the blue - 2 days before I'm to accept the tenative job offer for the 150k job a recruiter calls and says he loves me for a position. I tell him the situation, its Monday, and I'm signing on Thursday - and I've got a day and a half of interviews scheduled between now and Thursday at 4pm.
Do all the interviewing - and it goes better than I'd thought it would - and the money is good - but there was some weirdness , the hiring manager's manager was based in India - and wanted someone from India for the role. The hiring manager -was in LA and he and I go on well - it was one of the better interviews ever - the salary was good , really good( 180k ) - but because of the hiring managers manager - the best he could do was contract to hire - which didn't include health benefits - and I already had 150k offer with benefits waiting for me to sign. So passed.
Finally meet with recruiter who I'd told he was likely to late - He puts in the hustle - gets a solid offer(170k) plus a 10k bonus ( mine after a year ) and vacation/benefits starting day 1 - AND the job was perfect for me - exactly what I was looking to do - software factoryies. I bite.
3 years in - project is ( and has been ) going sideways. The direction has changed wildly - and the goals are crazy ambitious - bordering on impossible( do everything for everyone , via automated processes , and make it simple ).
Oddly be pushed to a team that does support, out of the blue - and didn't like it. I expressed my dislike - and was told they'd try to get me back to what I wanted to do at the end of the quarter ( 2 months away ) - so I try to gut it out. Within a week or so - I'm encouraged to find work on another project and told my position would only be funded for the next month - after that - I shouldn't expect being paid. The whole reason I ended up where I did was to work this project - and I didn't sign on to be pimped out - going from dumpster fire to dumpster fire - I came to work a very specific project I was passionate about . There are Zero fucks available from the people in the chain of command. I either walk the plank ( and agree to consult on a project of their choosing ) - or get bent.
I've seen plenty of posts ( maybe in a different reddit ) where people are regularly discussing making 250k+. Where can I get paid - and find stability( while working remote )? Boatload of experience( 10 ish years on the following ), k8s, automation, terraform, crossplane, etc - all solid.
So - at present - working the dream job that morphed into nightmare - and told If I expect to get paid - I'll happily accept being passed around - to positions I know little or nothing about - and get little say in the when and where .
I'm not young. I've got at most 33% of a career left before retirement ( hopefully) . Where should I be trying to land to get the best possible results out of that 33%. Any advice appreciated.

Hey all, I don’t really have anyone else to talk to about this. Long story short, I had a bad childhood, I have no biological family in my life. I have my foster family (was a ward of the state), but it’s very very obvious that they just simply tolerate me. I just turned 27 and I have battled with suicidal thoughts my entire life. I had one suicide attempt when I was 18. My foster mother found out from an ex who was worried about me that I wanted to end things when I was 18, and she got mad at me and basically told me she doesn’t care if I do it, so long as I “don’t do it in her fucking house”. I tell myself that this comment was out of anger, hurt, and frustration, but sometimes I wonder. This post is not a cry for help (I don’t think). I’ve always felt at peace when I think about ending it, but it’s the guilt of doing it that stops me.
The guilt is a weird thing. I feel bad for my ‘family’ but then when I see them and spend time with them, I just feel like a burden. They snap at me, or when I try to talk, they are just silent and don’t reply to what I say, or sometimes they’ll make jokes at my expense. Or they’ll say that because I’m the youngest, I always have to draw the short straw and do the things no one else wants to do (like sleep on the sofa bed during trips whilst everyone else gets a bed even if we are all paying the same). I’m also often not invited on trips or family outings. I feel I am treated differently which I do understand as I guess I am a bit of a ‘stray’.
I also feel bad for my friends, probably more than my family. But my friends lives are all really coming together now. They all have their own support people, are getting married, buying houses, having children, so I am to a point where I think things would be okay. I do know they’ll be sad. I know that. But I’ve been sad for so long, so I’d hope they would understand.
I also feel bad for my work having to hire someone new. That’s a bit silly I know. But I actually do think my boss (who I work very closely with, not just some random unseen manager) really does like me. So I know she would be sad. But I also know who I am at work is not who I am in my personal life. She doesn’t know the suffering and interpersonal conflict I am experiencing.
So I guess I wanted to get everyone’s opinions. Is it a matter of everyone will just have to be okay if I do it? Or do I keep suffering due to worrying they won’t be okay?
I don’t need words of “don’t do it” or “you have so much to live for” or any of that. It’s simply not true. My suffering will continue as long as I am here. I have diagnoses of BPD (treated so it’s all interpersonal, never external) and C-PTSD (again, treated, but so much interpersonal conflict in my brain whilst my outside appearance tries very hard to just act as if everything is normal).
I guess I am no longer ignorant to the fact that many people simply tolerate me. And maybe I would be doing the ‘right’ thing, not only for myself who wants to, but also for others who seem to be intolerable to my existence.
Ps. I’ve had lots of therapy in the past, tried various medications. They have helped me manage emotional outbursts so I don’t hurt or project onto others. But they’ve never stopped the conflict and sadness in my brain. I’ve still always felt as though I’ve wanted to find peace through an indefinite rest. And I would ensure all of my affairs are in order so no one is burdened by me even after death.
Thanks all

If you do the rowboats in Central Park, there are several spots where you can discreetly finger a person in the rowboat and nobody will see you.
Book a day at any of the Korean Saunas, Sojo Spa Club or Spa Castle are classics. Aire ancient Baths if you really want to impress.
Get a sketchbook and some pencils and take the Staten Island Ferry (it is free), Draw the Statue of Liberty and the NY harbor. This is a cheaper, unique option.
Our guide to date ideas in NYC that won't break the bank (or bore you to tears)!
Let’s be real for a sec, here. Finding date ideas in NYC is pretty easy. After all, this is the city that never sleeps! The bad news? Finding good date ideas in NYC is going to be a lot harder.
If you really want to impress that special someone, you’ve gotta get a little creative, think outside of the box. Sure, there’s nothing wrong with dinner or a movie, but if you want to smash this date outta the park (and hey, why did you ask them out if you don’t want to do that?) you’ll need some cute, fun and romantic date ideas in NYC that you haven’t tried before.
So whether it’s money, a lack of creativity or something else that’s stopping you from having incredible dates in New York, keep reading to find 20+ date ideas in NYC that won’t remind you of your ex (or break the bank).
Read on to find out the best date ideas in NYC, as chosen by us!
And just so you know - we’re not paid by anybody to include these on our list. They’re just places we’ve been or experiences we’ve loved that you can use for great date ideas in New York.

The Best Date Ideas NYC

Of course you’re in a hurry, this is New York! Here are our best date ideas in NYC to get you started…

GO ON A ROMANTIC SCAVENGER HUNT THROUGH NYC

Whether you and your future (or current) soulmate are born and bred New Yorkers or you’re just visiting the city, we can guarantee you that you’ve never tried anything like this before.
You and your date will receive clues, puzzles and riddles to your phone that you need to work out together to take you on a romantic adventure through the city.
Don’t worry - there’s no goofy or cringe stops included. Just a whole lot of interesting places, an opportunity for teamwork and to get to know each other doing a fun but cute activity that will ignite a romantic spark between you…
BONUS: These scavenger hunts come with cafe and bar recommendations included, so you can suggest taking a cute recess somewhere cozy without any research!

WATCH AN INDIE MOVIE AT MOMA

Yeah, you read the title correctly.
Did you know that one of New York’s most iconic museums houses three in-house theaters? As you might expect, this isn’t the place to go see the latest Marvel movie or even anything you’ve seen the shorts for online.
This is where to go if you know your date is into Indie documentaries, foreign language movies or niche subjects like obscure 20th century cartoons. The awesome thing about this is that showings are limited and the range is phenomenal, so you’re sure to find something interesting to see together!

VISIT THE LAST PLACE ON EARTH

Somehow, apocalypse movies always seem to involve romance, but lucky for you, this NYC date idea has nothing to do with impending doom (despite its title).
The Last Place on Earth is actually an awesome board game cafe located in Greenpoint, on Graham Avenue that gives you and your SO a chance to battle-it-out in a cozy, adorable environment.
Whether you’re both gamers or total noobs, this is a cute place to get to know each other if this is your first date, or a place to remind your partner why you always play player 1!
PSST: This place also has an incredible variety of teas (we’re talking 27 if you include the iced teas!).

SOLVE A MURDER MYSTERY IN MANHATTAN

Sure, this idea is a little out of the box…but you wanna impress your date, right?
Instead of becoming partners in crime, become partners in solving crime.
Ideal for true crime lovers and players of Among Us, The Devil in Chelsea provides a head-scratching mystery that will bring the pair of you closer together as you try to solve a mystery in real time, right on the banks of the Hudson.
Combine your powers of deduction with your partner’s eagle-eye for detail (or vice versa) and get solving today! This murder mystery-style game also comes with optional embedded breaks at cafes and bars, so there’s plenty of time to stare lovingly into your sweetheart’s eyes while showing them how great you are at problem-solving…

TAKE A PICNIC TO CENTRAL OR COLUMBUS PARK

You don’t have to be a New Yorker to know that during most hours of the day, Central Park is full of couples. It's one of the most iconic places in the city, which in New York is really saying something.
But if you want to mix it up by exploring one of New York’s lesser-known green spaces, I'd personally recommend Columbus Park as one of the best candidates.
First, it’s a peaceful (well, as peaceful as New York gets) oasis that has plenty of outdoor seating to accommodate you and your partner. Secondly, Columbus park is popular with the Asian-American community (it's right next-door to Chinatown), many of whom enjoy a game of Mahjong - you don’t have to join in but if you think your partner’s up to a match, give it a try!

TRY AN OUTDOOR ESCAPE ROOM TOGETHER

You probably don’t need me to remind you that locking someone up with you on a first date is creepy, but just in case, consider this a warning. Especially if you’re looking for first date ideas in NYC.
Instead, invite your date along to play an outdoor escape room together through an NY neighborhood of your choice! This keeps the atmosphere light and friendly, you’ll never be stuck for conversation topics and there’s nothing like a little learning together to get closer to your date…

BRING YOUR PUPS TO WALT WHITMAN PARK

What could be more romantic than a stroll around a park dedicated to a poet?
If you have a dog or know your lover is crazy about canines, consider a trip to Walt Whitman Park in Brooklyn. You probably remember Whitman from your high school years - if you don’t, no biggie, Google will “refresh” your memory - and there’s nothing like poetry to get your heart thumping a little faster.
This park is super popular with New York dog walkers, so it’s the perfect place to bring your four-legged friends if you have any. If you don’t, you can always enjoy a walk around the fountain and read the poetry laid out in front of you anyways.

SCOPE OUT THE SUNSET AT LITTLE BAY BRIDGE PIER

Ok, let’s get this out of the way early: sunset is a big deal in New York City, date or not.
Whether you’re in a skyscraper or on the ground, you’ll quickly realize this is prime date time and because of this, everywhere gets pretty crowded.
Little Bay Bridge Pier is a little out of the city (Queens) and requires a bumpy walk to get there, but it’s worth the effort once the sun comes down. Expect gorgeous views and a nice, wholesome place to enjoy nature’s beauty together.
PSST: This is New York, so there’s a small possibility that you might stumble upon a rat or two here. You also have to walk across uneven rocks to reach the end of the pier, so tell your date to wear comfortable shoes (heels are an absolute no-go).

Fun Date Ideas in NYC

Loosen up and have a ball - here are some fun date ideas in NYC that don’t involve boring, awkward pauses…

EXPERIENCE DRUNK SHAKESPEARE

Romeo, Romeo, wherefore didn’t you suggest Drunk Shakespeare for our date?
If you’re looking for date ideas in NYC that show your romantic and humorous side, opt for Drunk Shakespeare. What is it? A professional actor gets loaded up with five whiskey shots before trying to recite lines from a Shakespeare play. In other words, it’s awesome.

GO ON A SELF-GUIDED NYC WALKING TOUR

Walking tours are awesome for opening your eyes to the history and culture of a place, but it can be a little awkward to persuade someone you barely know to join a bunch of strangers for the adventure.
Luckily, you don’t have to. Self-guided walking tours like these have no guide and allow you and your date to explore at your own pace. If you’re a competitive pair, race against the clock to top the NYC leaderboard. Otherwise, take your time exploring the city, learning together, and enjoying a romantic stroll through historic streets…

LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE AT BROADWAY COMEDY CLUB

For date ideas in NYC that take the pressure off, give Broadway Comedy Club a try.
What better way to learn about your date than finding out what makes them laugh? Allow comedians to do the hard work for you as you enjoy a night of comedy in Midtown Manhattan!
This venue has a minimum two drink per person order (standard for New York comedy clubs) but drink prices aren’t extortionate (a Long Island iced tea is a mere 10 bucks!).

SNAP UP SOME BARGAINS AT A FLEA MARKET

New York isn’t the cheapest city in the world to try to win over a date, but difficult-to-find isn’t the same as impossible…
Challenge your date to a flea market bargain hunt at one of New York’s many flea markets. Shop around to find one that your date will like - some have cool antique photos, others specialize in furniture or jewelry, etc - and set a budget you both have to stick to.
When you’re done, head to a cozy cafe and talk over your finds! There’s no shortage of weird memorabilia in the city and you’re sure to leave the date with at least one funny story…

PLAY MINI GOLF AT PIER 25

When you’re stuck for date ideas in NYC, you can always rely on a classic.
An ideal choice for first date ideas in NYC or a relaxed activity for couples who’ve been together a long time, mini golf is the perfect way to lose a few hours to some innocent fun.
Hudson River Park in Tribeca is home to an incredible 18-hole miniature golf course that has gorgeous views of the city skyline (we won’t judge you for taking a cute couple selfie here).

SIP SOME DRINKS AT ROOFTOP REDS

If your partner isn’t a New Yorker or you’re both visiting The Big Apple together for the first time, head to Rooftop Reds.
Although it looks like any old rooftop bar, Rooftop Reds is actually a winery with a “world-first” attached to it. Opened in 2016, Rooftop Reds became the global first commercially-viable rooftop vineyard.
Since then, wine-lovers have been sipping on their favorite adult grape juice with impeccable views of the city, surrounded by the wonders and curiosities that only Brooklyn can provide…

PLAY A GAME OF SHUFFLEBOARD AT ROYAL PALMS

Never played a game of shuffleboard before? Prepare to find your next obsession.
Playing shuffleboard at Royal Palms Shuffleboard Club in Brooklyn stands out as a unique and memorable NYC date idea, thanks to the novelty of the game in New York City.
If you’re useless at sports, don’t worry: it's an easy-to-learn activity, making it accessible and enjoyable even for beginners like me! The venue also offers an array of drinks and there are numerous food trucks selling incredible food, so there are plenty of options if you want to indulge in tasty treats and cocktails as you play.
Lastly, this is an awesome activity for group dates since it adds a social dimension - it doesn’t matter who’s good or bad at the game, just that you’re having a good time!

Cheap But Cute Date Ideas in NYC

Wanna show your SO your cute side? Here are some cute date ideas in NYC that won’t break the bank…

VISIT JEFFERSON MARKET LIBRARY IN GREENWICH

Nestled in a stunning Victorian Gothic building, this historic site offers a tranquil and intimate setting, ideal for couples seeking a quiet, intellectual experience.
The library, with its serene reading rooms and a diverse collection of books, provides a perfect backdrop for meaningful conversations and even cultural experiences. Adjacent to the library is the beautiful Jefferson Market Garden, a picturesque spot for a leisurely stroll or a relaxed chat amidst blooming flowers.
This NYC date idea is not only culturally enriching and visually appealing but also budget-friendly, as there's no cost to visit the library. It's a unique choice that blends culture, history, and the charm of one of New York's most enchanting neighborhoods.

GET REFLECTIVE AT THE NICHOLAS ROERICH MUSEUM

Discover a hidden gem in New York City with a date at the Nicholas Roerich Museum!
Nestled in a charming Upper West Side townhouse, this intimate museum showcases the mystical art of Nicholas Roerich, offering a serene and reflective ambiance. Dive into a world of spiritual and cultural richness, free of charge, as you explore Roerich's captivating paintings and philosophies…
Afterward, extend your date with a romantic stroll through the picturesque streets or Riverside Park nearby. Perfect for art lovers and those seeking a tranquil, culturally enriching experience, this museum promises a uniquely memorable and affordable date in the heart of Manhattan.

GET GOURMET AT GOTTSCHEER HALL IN QUEENS

Sure, most dinner date venues are fairly standard and unlikely to surprise your partner into falling head over heels with you - but I make an exception for Gottscheer Hall.
Gottscheer Hall is a hidden gem in Ridgewood, Queens. This historic beer hall, with its roots in the Gottscheer community, offers an authentic taste of Central European culture in New York City. Imagine stepping into a space that feels like a cozy, old-world tavern, where you can indulge in delicious Eastern European cuisine and a wide selection of beers.
The warm, welcoming atmosphere, often complemented by live music or cultural events, makes it perfect for a relaxed, yet engaging date. Whether you're clinking beer steins, savoring hearty dishes, or swaying to folk tunes, Gottscheer Hall promises an experience that's not just a meal, but a delightful cultural journey.

BRING A PACK OF CARDS TO ST NICHOLAS PARK IN HARLEM

Am I seriously suggesting you bring a pack of cards with you to Harlem to impress your date? Yes I am!
This scenic park, nestled in the heart of Harlem, offers a beautiful backdrop of lush greenery and historic city views, perfect for a laid-back, intimate outdoor date. By bringing along a pack of cards, you instantly eliminate any awkward conversation starters and you can get as creative as you like with the games (build a tower, play go fish, whatever floats your boat).
Find a cozy spot under the trees or by the historic Hamilton Grange and let the relaxed atmosphere of the park ease you into conversation and playful competition, fostering a casual yet personal connection between you two human lovebirds.

GET ARTSY AT THE MET

If you’re looking for date ideas in NYC that are sophisticated, intelligent and interesting, you can’t go wrong with the Metropolitan Museum of Art (The Met) in New York City.
This enchanting experience combines culture, history, and romance and is a great way to spend an afternoon or evening with your SO. As one of the world's largest and most diverse art museums, The Met offers an unparalleled opportunity to explore a vast array of art from various periods and cultures, making every visit a new adventure. Whether strolling hand-in-hand through ancient Egyptian artifacts, admiring Impressionist paintings, or exploring contemporary exhibits, the museum's grandeur and beauty provide a perfect backdrop for deepening connections and sparking conversations.
After exploring the galleries, you can enjoy a coffee or a meal at one of the museum's elegant cafes, or take a romantic walk in Central Park, which is just steps away.

22 year old woman here… and I’m left with about 2 close women friendships that I’m thankful for. However in my past, girls I used to be best friends with ended up becoming my enemy. Despite me driving them everywhere, especially to parties, being a good friend, and paying for their food and clothes, they all turned against me out of the blue.
For example, a girl I was best friends with in 2020 began to act different, and was posting sneak-disses about me on her Snapchat story, saying how I talk to too many guys and want attention. She would act jealous men gave me attention, and not her. Few months later, her and 3 of her female friends threatened to jump me, one girl involved even threatened to use a knife… the other girl involved accused me of stealing her boyfriend (her boyfriend was in my messages and I ignored him, I showed her proof of that!) They publicly posted these threats online, speaking badly about me and asking people to give them my address. I kept screenshots of everything as proof. One night, they set me up and got someone to invite me to a house party, turns out those girls were inside waiting to attack me. I already went to police over that and I won the case, but it still traumatizes me to this day.
Second example, this girl from social media who hated me, found my parent’s house and spray-prainted “Fuck you, you’re a wh##re” on my parents shed. And another girl in high school I was seated with in class said “you’re spoiled, mommy and daddy bought you that new iPhone?” I said I bought it myself and to leave me alone. She got up out of her seat, and tried to punch me in my face. Random girls I didn’t know would show up to my parent’s house to fight me. They’d say I deserved to be ran over by a car, I’m a s##t, a blonde bimbo, a homewrecker, in high school they called me “plastic Barbie”. Girls would create fake Facebook pages to defame me, and make serious accusations to ruin my image. They’d create social media accounts using MY NAME and message other people racist and homophobic insults, to make it look like I said those things. Girls I didn’t know hated my guts and would do anything to ruin my life. God forbid if I ever defended myself, I was always the villain or The Bad Guy in their eyes.
I’ve had more luck with male friendships, only problem is when they begin catching feelings and want to sleep with me. But, men treat me better than any girl best friend I’ve had in my past.. Why? I tried my best to be a great friend to so many girls in my past, and all they’ve done is hurt me or turn against me. For so long I blamed myself and felt the world was against me, but I realized they were never a friend to begin with. I fell into depression and only stayed around my male friends, can you blame me though?
I’m tired of people saying this behavior is “pick me”, or “not like other girls”. I am traumatized with PTSD from what my gender has put me through. For a long time, I was terrified of other women, way more than any man could’ve made me feel. To this day, girls I don’t know will bully me or comment mean things on my pictures to s##t shame me, and I’m simply wearing a bikini or shorts. I block them and don’t reply, but seriously WHEN is it gonna stop? Many women are awful towards other women, I have experienced it and witnessed it. Life is more peaceful now than it was and I’ve met many supportive women, but I’m EXTRA CAREFUL now on who I consider my friend or get close with. I want to support girls, I truly do, but while growing up, they never supported me.

I am a middle child and my older sister lovesss attention. Since we were a kid she loved people comparing me with her and saying I am a dumb and she is a genius. That was something she used to enjoy a lot. If she finds something annoying or bothering she starts to shout and curse and make herself a victim. She always asks to join my friends group, I say ok, although all of them were literally my middle school friends. And she always starts to insult me every single way someone could possibly do, I used to talk back and then I realized that's is something she want, and then she tells my parents and grandma(I have no clue but my grandma loves her) and they used to abuse me to beg my sister although blame was not on me. If I didn't they used to kick/hit/curse me(which made me to leave the house couple of times). I am studying US and I am from Asia, so I left whole my toxic family and enjoying my independent life there. However, I visit my hometown only in summer. While I was coming back home I decided to buy concert tickets my parents always dreamed about going, we did road trip to other place which was 12 hour drive. So long story short my sister studies the place concert was happening and my grandma decided to invite her, she literally started to fight with every single person in our family and shout them treat them bad, my grandma wished me to be dead and cursed me but literally all I did was buying tickets for my parents as a gift(but we did have a lot of fun in concert until my sister ruined everything). Next day we went to theater one of the most popular actress in our area was playing a role. Show went well, and then after the show I saw my mom,little sister, grandma was sitting outside of the room I asked why they said we were waiting dad cuz he went bathroom, I said ok and decided to sit far away from my whole family members since I wanted more space, then suddenly she(older sister) to me and start to tell I am treating grandma bad, I was literally not saying anything, and I said ofc before you advice me anything know what you did to whole family after concert, then she stood up and start to shout at me. There were literally 500+ people and everyone was looking at us. I was not bothered anything she said, I was pretty uncomfortable when me and my sister were creating that kinda environment. However I didn't say a word and walked out, she went to bathroom with grandma, I think grandma realized something was happening and she . Then I was near a red carpet waiting the actress with my mom, suddenly she walked towards me and start to shout at me and saying I am whore and jealous at her, I was literally not saying anything, but yeah I flipped my finger and walked away again, because she was shouting my mom had to leave, we all left. I was walking and she was insulting me and when I run she was running to insult me. I run to the car and she left behind. While she was insulting me, cop walked towards me to protect me, but I did the sign that I am ok, and he left. Then I decided to set boundaries and told her I will no longer tolerate anything whatever she does in public/my friends and at any gathering. I said I will have to take action legally. Then she accused me things I have never done, she said she will fill legal things to reject my visa and stuff. Oh yeah and she asked the money she paid for my SAT years ago, and she said she will stop talking with me forever. But I never mentioned when I literally paid her Master's application fees, her European trips, when she was facing financial difficulty I paid her food/her phone. I never mentioned anything related to money. All I was saying was me never tolerating her doing whatever in public. She was blaming me how I am not kind to my family members or anyone. I am like Hello???? I never mentioned whatever she did was wrong or right. But if I do something seemingly wrong, she loves telling everyone and pointing it out. I said ok, I will give you the money anyways so I will be done with you forever, but you should know you owe me heck amount of money and I owe you only hundred bucks. After she start to charge me the things I didn't even know I owe (cuz I don't) I calculated mine with everything she does owe me. She asked checks and I did send them, now she is not responding any of it. Now she is coming to my parents house for 5 days where I am spending my summer holiday, and whole family is scared of her ruining their days. I don't know honestly, whatever she is doing, I wish I never knew her and I really wish I will never see her again, cuz I am leaving the town the days she is coming.

Looking for partners who wants to build or parter up to utilize pbns for their business the right way. I have some sites myself that are sitting around and I’ve built with grumpyseoguy’s guidelines. Mines are different hosting, different themes and even different registrars (not necessary).
Going to be serious about vetting everyone and keep it a controlled tight group.
Preferably a pbn that’s related to business, money, tech, marketing, sales, career, education, consulting, entrepreneurship and other semi-related topics. So more business related. That way it’s more flexible for us to share.
We can do agreements on these chats. However it’ll be a tight group. No domain names shared until we begin to commit deals. So new joiners can’t see but we can propose a deal in chat then share the domains in private chat when it goes through keeping everyone safe. So in the end there’s still a work at your own risk but we’ll use the chat and find ways to vet everyone.
Might have core members vet your pbn before you can join. We’ll see what we decide on.
Realized it’s better if some of us stick together. Thinking we can have a private group chat somewhere.
We can do link exchanges with these pbn’s to our money sites, general support or pool funds etc.
Not a buy and sell community. There’s so many of those and those links get polluted. These are for serious business PBNs only.
Triple or quadruple link exchanges can be possible too.
That way we’re not all wasting our money on one or two time use sites for our main websites. We can make more use of our resources together. After as it grows multiple core members can vote on a new member. Maybe a multiple interview process or a referral process with a vote.
This offer will be open for as long as anyone is interested but will get much tighter in control the bigger it gets! Will most likely deny people if it gets large so it’ll be a closed community. We can discuss this over time. No sharing of domains in chat unless it’s privately shared after.
Only letting people in I find trustworthy. Maybe a phone call for vetting or even a video chat.
Please let me know if you’re interested. Not letting any initial members in who can’t even do a phone call. Need to get a feel of who you are and a bit of your background. Sorry for the shy ones but can’t afford to have some troll come in.
I want this be a business owner pbn group only.
If you don’t have a business don’t bother. If your selling links also don’t bother. (Unless your grumpyseoguy). If you’re an SEO agency no as well. Just business owners.

So, I am middle age. I pass phone screens easily. I'm experienced
That led me to a MS Teams interview with a male around my age who talked about his adult married daughter who also works for this bank in their wealth management dept.
He talked about her spouse and where they live, and how he drove from Chicago to the east coast to visit them, "because that's what father's do."
He talked about how the 2 financial advisors who work under him are successful males. And this role would support them, in a clerical capacity
I'm middle aged, Masters and have multi-industry experience and he said, we need a person to be in THIS support role for at least two to three years before striving for a financial advisor role.
Pay is what my earnings were in 2000.
As a woman, most men never ask me what I know or think. They see me as someone who works in a pink collar job, because I don't have a spouse or children to talk about in my interviews or at the work place.
Sexism and patriarchy at its finest. I can't escape it, even in Illinois (West of Chicago in the suburbs), Tennessee, suburbs of Virginia or Texas.

So I'm gonna explain it. My bf is preparing for his entrance exams and have been giving me less time. I was okay with giving me less time because of his exams but he's been replying late, have not been talking the way he used to. I was bored and retrieved my account that I made long ago. And followed him on Instagram from it. To my surprise he followed me back in 51 seconds when he can't reply me back in 15 or 30 minutes. So i started texting him from that account and he replied back quite quickly (like he used to in the previous period of our relationship). And as I was chatting with him he was flirting with that fake id of mine and it was so devastating my hands were literally shaking and my chest was thumping so bad. It was worser than i imagined and i was feeling sick to my stomach (I'm doing so too as I write). He even flirted like "we can do Netflix and chill" "i wouldn't mind traveling to where you live if you're the reason " "you're cute, your eyes are beautiful" . So i couldn't resist myself and texted him at like 2 am (we were having a fight that day and we didn't talk much like barely talked.) i said sorry for shouting at him the previous day, i wasn't myself because I was having periods and I was feeling down for some reason. And i told him that I loved him but he wouldn't say it back and told me to go to sleep like thousand times. I called him multiple times but he wouldn't pick up (he was talking to my fake id still) somehow i managed to convince him to call me and I was crying in the phone call and he was getting irritated and wanted to hang up and told me to go to sleep. I was asking if he loved me still and he said "if you don't think so fine" "whatever gets you to sleep". I told him he has changed and was desperately saying that i love him. Finally he said he loves me too but it just sounds forced. Then i asked him if he has gotten another girl or something and he sarcastically he said "yes sure if you think so/whatever you think" then i asked him again and again and he said no he isn't seeing another girl or doesn't like any other girl. Then i asked him directly and shouting that why is he texting and flirting with this named girl on Instagram. He acted cool and said I knew it was you or your friend that's why I texted back and flirted. I said still it's not justified to do so. I had matching pfp with him and I asked him about that from my fake id he said the other pfp person is a friend and it was just a prank move to match pfp. He also said he was single. When i asked him about those he said as I was playing him he was playing me too because he already knew it was my friend (i told him it was a friend not me) he swore on his mom (to make me believe) and said he wouldn't have sexted with her or wouldn't have replied if things took a sexual turn, he just flirted to get back at me wanted to see how I'd react. I don't know what to do I'm so desperately and pathetically in love with him that I wanna be with him regardless. It's been 6 months of our relationship btw. Oh and he also said that I can get his Instagram and every other social media password for as long as I like it i don't believe whatever he's saying. I hope y'all would tell me what I should do. I was so overwhelmed and devastated when I was talking to him that I didn't break up with him i know i should've but i didn't have it in me. I couldn't believe it and it was like he was a different person but still i couldn't break up. Now I'm feeling sick to my stomach, nauseous and feeling like throwing up and crying every time I move. Also we didn't have sex yet but made out and stuff. It's like did everything but sex so i don't know how to feel about that. My chest is feeling heavy when i think about it. I trusted him with everything and the worst thing is I wanna trust him whatever he's saying. I feel like i don't know him. Please tell me what I should do

I'm in an average private university in my country (Egypt). Saw a posting for C&I analyst @ Mckinsey and thought why not. Did the PSG a month ago and recruiter just invited me for an personal + case format interview next week.
Questions: 1. How can I prep for my case interview as I've 0 experience in this area and had only one case interview before where I was terrible. 2. At this point in the process, does my university matter? The vast majority of the employees in Egypt are graduates of the American University in Cairo.
Profile: 4.0 GPA couple of internships + current internship @ P&G couple of international programs and competitions.

So I'm gonna explain it. My bf is preparing for his entrance exams and have been giving me less time. I was okay with giving me less time because of his exams but he's been replying late, have not been talking the way he used to. I was bored and retrieved my account that I made long ago. And followed him on Instagram from it. To my surprise he followed me back in 51 seconds when he can't reply me back in 15 or 30 minutes. So i started texting him from that account and he replied back quite quickly (like he used to in the previous period of our relationship). And as I was chatting with him he was flirting with that fake id of mine and it was so devastating my hands were literally shaking and my chest was thumping so bad. It was worser than i imagined and i was feeling sick to my stomach (I'm doing so too as I write). He even flirted like "we can do Netflix and chill" "i wouldn't mind traveling to where you live if you're the reason " "you're cute, your eyes are beautiful" . So i couldn't resist myself and texted him at like 2 am (we were having a fight that day and we didn't talk much like barely talked.) i said sorry for shouting at him the previous day, i wasn't myself because I was having periods and I was feeling down for some reason. And i told him that I loved him but he wouldn't say it back and told me to go to sleep like thousand times. I called him multiple times but he wouldn't pick up (he was talking to my fake id still) somehow i managed to convince him to call me and I was crying in the phone call and he was getting irritated and wanted to hang up and told me to go to sleep. I was asking if he loved me still and he said "if you don't think so fine" "whatever gets you to sleep". I told him he has changed and was desperately saying that i love him. Finally he said he loves me too but it just sounds forced. Then i asked him if he has gotten another girl or something and he sarcastically he said "yes sure if you think so/whatever you think" then i asked him again and again and he said no he isn't seeing another girl or doesn't like any other girl. Then i asked him directly and shouting that why is he texting and flirting with this named girl on Instagram. He acted cool and said I knew it was you or your friend that's why I texted back and flirted. I said still it's not justified to do so. I had matching pfp with him and I asked him about that from my fake id he said the other pfp person is a friend and it was just a prank move to match pfp. He also said he was single. When i asked him about those he said as I was playing him he was playing me too because he already knew it was my friend (i told him it was a friend not me) he swore on his mom (to make me believe) and said he wouldn't have sexted with her or wouldn't have replied if things took a sexual turn, he just flirted to get back at me wanted to see how I'd react. I don't know what to do I'm so desperately and pathetically in love with him that I wanna be with him regardless. It's been 6 months of our relationship btw. Oh and he also said that I can get his Instagram and every other social media password for as long as I like it i don't believe whatever he's saying. I hope y'all would tell me what I should do. I was so overwhelmed and devastated when I was talking to him that I didn't break up with him i know i should've but i didn't have it in me. I couldn't believe it and it was like he was a different person but still i couldn't break up. Now I'm feeling sick to my stomach, nauseous and feeling like throwing up and crying every time I move. Also we didn't have sex yet but made out and stuff. It's like did everything but sex so i don't know how to feel about that. My chest is feeling heavy when i think about it. I trusted him with everything and the worst thing is I wanna trust him whatever he's saying. I feel like i don't know him. Please tell me what I should do

A warm dense fog rolled through my dream clouding the path not seen and so obscured my fantasy beyond the bounds of rhapsody as to have left me traveling a road of my own making. Soft warm kisses from the dog licking my face led me to lustfully embrace my pillow which tastes remarkably like feathers and dander. Don Quixote and I quickly regathered from our momentary surrender and charged again that giant of wind in a blissful momentary grandeur. To my horror came crashing in a dragon of such vile disruption the sound of which pierced my drums, and wrecked my nocturnal eruption and fire from its smokey throat pierced my eyes with a six o’clock LED glare. I shot up with fear! for sunrise is near! reality of work laid waste my dreams with worries over how to put up my hair. What the hell will I wear! who moved my keys and I seemed to have lost my other sock! Text my boss I’m gonna be late, replied he only with “7 o’clock !”
Out the door without coffee hopping to the car one shoe on one shoe off please let it start I hate this fckn car. What the hell, I heard the bell but in my battle with the beast i did not realize it was the alarm clock of real life and I’m so mad at myself to be late again I’m gonna get fired I never can win …but
Hey the roads are pretty clear, I might just make it after all can you believe it wow I’m actually on time and then I hear the chime of my so called smart phone and look to see it’s him again my boss with laughing emoji
“It’s Sunday you idiot See you at 7 on Monday”

I am using Langserve to create a langchain agent with tool calling. Till now all is working as expected and I am able to host it in AWS ECS with CDK also and learnt a lot in the process. But one thing I am stuck, in my chat, users will give their phone number and I will store the user as a lead in a crm I built using mongoDB. However, in the crm I want to show the chat history also.
For the chat history, I am using the mongodb integration and its working as expected when I pass the sessionId in the api calls.
Now I want to create a tool say `save_user` which will take the phone number as input. I tested dummy tool calls and its working. but in the save_user function, I want to save the phone number and the associated sessionId. I did not find any documentation or tutorial on how to achieve this.
This is the tool

@tool("save_user", args_schema=getUserInfoInput) def save_user(phone :str) -> dict: """Save the user detail""" # I want the session_id of the chat here return 

here is the tentative code I was using

# #!/usbin/env python from fastapi import FastAPI from langchain.agents import AgentExecutor from langchain.agents.format_scratchpad.openai_tools import ( format_to_openai_tool_messages, ) from langchain.agents.output_parsers.openai_tools import OpenAIToolsAgentOutputParser from langchain_core.prompts import ChatPromptTemplate, MessagesPlaceholder from langchain_core.tools import tool from langchain_openai import ChatOpenAI from langserve import add_routes from langserve.pydantic_v1 import BaseModel, Field from langchain_core.runnables.history import RunnableWithMessageHistory from langchain_mongodb.chat_message_histories import MongoDBChatMessageHistory from langchain_openai import ChatOpenAI from langchain.agents import tool import os from pinecone import Pinecone from algoliasearch.search_client import SearchClient import openai import json from langchain_core.prompts import ChatPromptTemplate, MessagesPlaceholder from langchain.agents import AgentExecutor from typing import Any from fastapi.middleware.cors import CORSMiddleware pinecone_client = Pinecone(api_key=os.environ["PINECONE_API_KEY"]) pc_index = pinecone_client.Index(os.environ["PINECONE_INDEX"]) algolia_client = SearchClient.create(os.environ["ALGOLIA_APPLICATION_ID"], os.environ["ALGOLIA_API_KEY"]) alg_index = algolia_client.init_index(os.environ["ALGOLIA_INDEX"]) openai_client = openai.OpenAI(api_key=os.environ['OPENAI_API_KEY']) class getInfoInput(BaseModel): food: str = Field(description="name of the food") @tool("get_food_price", args_schema=getInfoInput) def get_food_price(food :str) -> dict: """Return cost of a food""" # ideally this will call algolia and pinecone to do the search # but for this case, it does not matter return 100 tools = [get_food_price] class getUserInfoInput(BaseModel): phone: str = Field(description="Users phone number") @tool("save_user", args_schema=getUserInfoInput) def save_user(phone :str) -> dict: """Save the user detail""" # I want the session_id of the chat here return tools = [get_food_price, save_user] system_prompt = """ You are a waiter named Mia, People ask you about price of food and you reply """ prompt = ChatPromptTemplate.from_messages( [ ( "system", system_prompt, ), MessagesPlaceholder(variable_name="chat_history"), ("user", "{input}"), MessagesPlaceholder(variable_name="agent_scratchpad"), ] ) llm = ChatOpenAI(model="gpt-3.5-turbo", temperature=0, streaming=True) llm_with_tools = llm.bind_tools(tools) agent = ( { "input": lambda x: x["input"], "agent_scratchpad": lambda x: format_to_openai_tool_messages( x["intermediate_steps"] ), "chat_history": lambda x: x["chat_history"], } prompt llm_with_tools OpenAIToolsAgentOutputParser() ) agent_executor = AgentExecutor(agent=agent, tools=tools, verbose=True) agent_with_chat_history = RunnableWithMessageHistory( agent_executor, # This is needed because in most real world scenarios, a session id is needed # It isn't really used here because we are using a simple in memory ChatMessageHistory lambda session_id: MongoDBChatMessageHistory( session_id=session_id, connection_string=os.environ["MONGO_CONNECTION_STRING"], database_name=os.environ["MONGO_DB"], collection_name=os.environ["MONGO_COLLECTION"], ), input_messages_key="input", history_messages_key="chat_history", ) app = FastAPI( title="LangChain Server", version="1.0", description="Spin up a simple api server using LangChain's Runnable interfaces", ) class Input(BaseModel): input: str # The field extra defines a chat widget. # Please see documentation about widgets in the main README. # The widget is used in the playground. # Keep in mind that playground support for agents is not great at the moment. # To get a better experience, you'll need to customize the streaming output # for now. class Output(BaseModel): output: Any add_routes( app, agent_with_chat_history.with_types(input_type=Input, output_type=Output).with_config( {"run_name": "agent"} ), ) # For health check, otherwise this will return 404 u/app.get("/") def get_root(): return {"message": "FastAPI running in a Docker container"} # Set all CORS enabled origins app.add_middleware( CORSMiddleware, allow_origins=["*"], allow_credentials=True, allow_methods=["*"], allow_headers=["*"], expose_headers=["*"], ) if __name__ == "__main__": import uvicorn uvicorn.run(app, host="localhost", port=8000) 

I'm starting to feel really peeved by my boyfriend's mother.
He is 24, and they live together - him, his parents, 3 siblings and their abundance of pets.
There is a rule for him that doesn't apply to his sisters, and he's not allowed to talk on the phone with me, use his phone, check his phone or text me. If he's at work or awake before they all wake up, he can text me but as long as they're around, he's strictly prohibited from using his phone. I've heard his mother have tantrums a few times, yelling him to get off the phone. Even if they're just at home, watching a movie on the couch? Not allowed to use his phone. Basically, she expects him to go no contact with me for an entire day on "family days" - and about that...
We had plans last sunday but she said no, that she wants "a day with him". excuse me? she says that like i'm holding him hostage. We see each other 3 days a week, MAYBE 4 but not always because of work schedules and balancing time with my own family. And I'm sorry, that's too much? When they LIVE together and she sees him every day for crying out loud?
I heard her yelling at him and getting after him tonight and he was whispering because he was getting in trouble for being on the phone with me. He tried standing up to her and saying "Mom, wait." and "Mom, just wait", "stop it", "Mom, you're really pissing me off right now." It REALLY pissed me off hearing a 24 year old man having to stand his ground and fight with his mother to talk to his romantic partner because she thought she was entitled to 100% of his attention forcing him to watch a documentary with his family.
This insults me and makes me feel disrespected. I feel like she's harboring negative feelings about me secretly, and hiding them behind a polite smile and small talk when I come over. We've been together for 7 months, I'm definitely not knew and they're all familiar with me.
I sense that she's playing tug of war with me and that she doesn't want to share, she wants him all to herself. she's weirdly possessive of him and just now imposed a 10 pm curfew on him "so she can spend some time with him."
When she said she "wants a day with him because she never gets to see him" I felt hurt, like that was a subtle dig at me taking up all his time and attention, like I'm taking him away from his family. She's said that multiple times. Like ma'am. Now is not the time to act like a catty high school mean girl. If you have a personal little problem with me, say it to my face woman to woman. She never invites me to anything and makes it clear i'm not one of them. And thank God I'm not, I don't wanna be a part of that dysfunctional mess!!!! I'm just there for my boyfriend, maybe his 16 year old sis who I think there's hope for and that's it. The rest can kiss my ass. Nobody said I had to like his family, I've tried but they've given me more reasons NOT to and it's mostly the way they treat him and the way they treat me like an afterthought or like I don't matter.
If i'm not wanted in their son's life, they should grow up and have that conversation with me. they should be f*cking delighted that I'm such a positive influence in his life, helped him recover from alcoholism (which his father modeled and deliberately enabled), truly LOVE him and treat him like a king. Any sensible parent would be proud their son found such a good woman. These are not sensible people.
It really, really bothers me about this "no phone" rule. It's not fair to him, and it's not fair to me. It's unreasonable, I don't like hearing him getting in trouble and her getting angry at him for communicating with me. It's because she wants to force him to pay attention and bond with her, but you can't MAKE a grown man pay attention to you. It all seems very childish to me. Emotionally immature parent. But I feel insulted that I'm someone she doesn't want him talking on the phone to, despite all the time we spend together at each others' houses on dates and I've never been told that I'm not welcome. I've made an effort to get to know all of them, I've brought gifts, baked for them, etc. to show what an amazing girlfriend and possibly future daughter in law I am and what did that get me? Sidelined, uninvited to things, excluded and barred from communication.
It's not right and it really upsets me. I don't feel valued by his parents, except the sister who was confused why I wasn't there to celebrate her 16th birthday with them. Same reason why I wasn't there for my boyfriend's birthday last October, I wasn't invited.
I've also asked where they're having dinner when he's told me they're going out to a restaurant, and she wouldn't let him text me back until way later that night and tell me the restaurant in retrospect. Why? So I couldn't just so happen to meet up with them?
The no phone rule is what's bothering me the most and incensing me. This woman makes me feel like a flea on their family's back that they can't shake or get rid of.

I’m a freelance content writer. A local business owner asked to grab coffee with me because he had a great way for my business to gain more exposure. We got coffee, and he was telling me about an entrepreneur networking group where everyone gets referrals for each other. He invited me to a meeting.
I went, and only the first 15 minutes was actual networking. The rest of the time was members announcing how many people they got to show up to one of these things, how many people they had 1-on-1 sessions with much like what I just had, and how many referrals they got that week.
They then told us new people that the APPLICATION fee to be part of their group was $299. If after interviews we were accepted, it was over $1k/year in membership fees. All for the privilege of networking.
I feel like I was bait and switched and like this person didn’t actually want me to connect, he just wanted kudos for bringing me into the group. He followed up with me afterwards and I told him I couldn’t justify spending that kind of money on networking. He then told me he understands because he’s about to become homeless since his parental support (he’s 40-50) is ending.
The organization is called BNI and they’re all over the United States

I have a lead on a job which I’m not excited for but just going through with it anyway because I have no other leads. It’s a hybrid schedule which I’m not used to, a 9 hour work day and paying 75k which isn’t bad. I’ve always been remote or hybrid working once a week so this will be an adjustment for me.
I was invited for the final interview on site supposed to be for tomorrow. I was in communication with the recruiter and the director just never got back to me about a time at all. The recruiter mentioned that they will have to set a new date and time since the manager never got back to her.
I’m already not wanting to go through with this company anymore. Not only that the director has been unresponsive, but, I’m not a fan of the culture already where I will be wearing a lot of hats. I need a manager that I can rely on when I need help or if I need more resources to succeed, I’m not getting that so far with this manager. I’m not a fan of the product they’re selling at all but it’s the least of my worries since I’m only taking care of the web and the Amazon platform. Also, I’m not a fan of the hours and having to go in 3x a week - but was willing to put that aside anyway cus I need a job.
The reason why I’m being careful because I don’t want to get laid off again and lose my unemployment. I don’t think I can get it again within less than a year in my state, and I’ve been unemployed for almost 3 months now. Being that this company seems to be unreliable, I don’t want to risk my unemployment since it’s the only stable thing I have right now. I’m still fine financially and I still have a lot of savings but unemployment payments have been my only source of income for now and I don’t want to screw that up.
But maybe I’m just being picky here and maybe I should just wait if I hear more from the recruiter if there will be a new date to come in. But I highly doubt it.
Should I still wait it out and go through with the final interview if they get back to me? Or should I just drop this and look for something else?

TLDR: I just don’t think I can go to this funeral Friday and suck it up for these whack jobs. But there are great family and friends going that would be a comfort to me. (Along with some flying monkeys I’ll need to avoid.)
What should I do? Will I regret not going and getting the solace I deserve from the good family? How can I avoid GC’s gatekeeping of our enabler Dad in the future?
Full long-winded story:
I’ve been no contact with GC for a year - she’s a hateful sociopath narcissist herself and in active addiction. Been unemployed for years. She won’t admit addiction and hasn’t asked for help and I’m like “live and let live.” She’s out of my life but I had to interact with her the past few days to make funeral arrangements and support my grieving (but enabling) Dad.
Unsurprisingly, yesterday, GC flipped out on me starting with a series of 2am, critical, incoherent emails about the obituary I drafted at her request - she said she was too sad to write the obit but could do other things. (What things remains to be seen.)
Then she started texting me at 6am this morning: 8 nonsensical text messages every other hour about bizarro stuffs (e.g,, Dad not liking food she bought for dinner; how she had an important but not urgent question; then she texted that she suddenly decided to move into enabler Dad’s 1 bedroom apt. (!!) with him and she was packing up her one room and moving today. And, because she decided to impulsively move in like a parasite, she insisted I urgently needed to take him to a routine doctors appt tomorrow. I actually can’t take him, because I have a doctor’s appt myself, but my husband offered. So I replied via one briefly worded gray rock text saying “I made arrangements for Dad to be picked up. I can’t accompany him, but my husband can. I’ll let Dad know after work all the deets.” I figured we are all set, right?
WRONG! GC then sent more rage texts because she didn’t want me to call Dad directly to arrange the transport to the appt, I had to call HER (??) And she was pissed I wasn’t responding to her texts and “demanded” that I respond to her every text from now on, quote: “so Dad can get the help he needs it makes sense we coordinate to avoid duplication of effort. It is what is REQUIRED.”
I hadn’t responded to her texts because I just didn’t see them all right away, I had to work some hours today and can’t take full bereavement until tomorrow and I was with my dad all afternoon helping him do some things for the funeral. And some of her texts were nutjob city, and I’m glad I missed them. They deserved no response.
Tonight she called me from Dad’s phone and when I answered, thinking it was him, she said “ha ha I tricked you.” And I said “oh can I talk to Dad? I have the details for the appt.” She refused and said she was gonna write it down for him. (She always gets dates and times wrong, either on purpose or because of her drug addled brain) so I kept saying “I just wanna talk to Dad” in a calm voice. She freaked out and screamed “why are you acting like this?!?!” But then Dad got on the phone and I gave him the info and said my husband would meet him etc. GC was LIVID and SCREAMING at the top of her lungs in the background how she’s never gonna speak to me again blah blah blah. (But as soon as the funeral is over, I’m back to nc and blocking her.)
I knew this would happen but I thought I’d have more than one day of mourning before the toxic dysfunction just set right back in. And not sure I can continue to be there for my dad with her gatekeeping.

Tl;dr I used to struggle with social anxiety. However, by spending around 3 years learning and practising social skills, I’ve managed to overcome most of my anxiety and socialise with a ton of meaningful friends. Here's a Tl;dr of the tips, without going into depth:

• Before Talking: Define your purpose, prepare, learn social etiquette, and develop charisma.
• During Conversation: Practice active listening and continue to deep questions.
• After Conversation: Reflect, learn from resources/advice, and practice.

My background
4-6 years ago, I was a socially anxious introvert. Three years ago, I joined a class full of extroverts. I slowly began talking and doing really stupid stuff that I regret. Despite the setbacks, though, I would go on, year by year learning from my mistakes. Today, I talk with around 150 people across many classes whenever I want. I have an amazing best friend and a solid friend group.
I am still introverted; I don't like going to youth clubs or partying, and I feel drained after being with people. I still feel anxious around new people and people I like, but I’ve crossed a huge milestone today, by confessing my feelings to a girl I liked for 1.5 years and moving on. So overall, my anxiety has significantly reduced, and this is everything I used to get to this point where I can start conversations and become friends with almost anyone.
This guide is really detailed, and it took me years to implement a lot of these things, I am still not done implementing everything myself, so take this guide slowly. It’s going to be a long journey that will last many years.
Before talking
Purpose
The first thing to consider before engaging in conversation is the purpose. Why are you talking? What do you hope to achieve from the conversation?
Immanuel Kant’s moral philosophy suggests that we should treat humanity as an end in itself, not merely as a means to an end. For example, if your objective is simply to have sex, you’re using another person as a means to that end. However, if your goal is to genuinely connect and learn about someone, then the conversation's purpose keeps humanity alive and is valid. The important thing is to not objectify humans in one’s purpose.
A positive purpose is amazing. Positivity is more influential than negativity, like how optimism beats pessimism. Try to be as positive as possible, this does not mean lying. Just don't say the negative thing on your mind, and instead choose the positive version. When speaking about others, maintain a positive tone: Having a negative purpose, shows insecurity, and also just generally leads to unhealthy relationships. (I am not going to go into detail about relationships here, because this is socialskills).
Preparations
Once you have a purpose, it’s time to prepare by being in an environment where talking happens. While discord is convenient, real life is SOOO much more worth it. If you don't find school or work, a great place, clubs, or groups where people share your passions are amazing.
But what should you prepare to talk about? Literally, anything you find interesting. For instance, a couple of months ago, I watched Steins: Gate, my favourite anime. Then a couple of weeks ago, I noticed someone in school watching anime and struck up a conversation about anime, and it led to a longer conversation about our favourite anime.
So prepare by having opinions, thoughts, and curiosity for anything that interests you, like events that are happening, feelings for someone or something (Bold), opinions, sports, movies, or work.
The key is to be prepared by having a ton of knowledge in a variety of topics.
Social Etiquette
Social etiquette plays a HUGE role in our conversation. It’s an unspoken truth that we will hesitate to engage with someone who appears to be a mess or is distracted.
Having the right social etiquette makes a massive difference. First, and something very important, your first impressions are better. A bonus is that you feel more confident to approaching others, and are approachable yourself.
Being approachable means physically: Showering, brushing teeth, good clothes, etc. It also means not using one's phone, sunglasses, headphones or other distractions whilst or before talking.
Social etiquette is also in one's mental state as well: Being nervous or anxious shows in conversation, and it is not great.
I imagine it's a very difficult journey for everyone to beat their mental side that makes one, anxious and or nervous. It could be like years of trauma from one's childhood. So this is mostly for oneself to figure out, but here's how I beat it and became more confident:
I ran with the mindset “Fake it till you become it”. I also told myself other mindsets, like “Be the best version of myself” and “It's going to be okay, no matter what”.
When I was anxious, I would focus on exhaling longer than inhaling, like a 3-second inhale, a 6-second exhale, or use the 3-3-3 method (identify 3 objects and 3 sounds, then move 3 body parts.). After coming back to my own mind, I would think “3,2,1, go for it” if I was in a conversation or if I was in a conversation, I say “Sorry, I can’t think, can you give me a minute” or “Sorry, can you repeat from x” (x being the last thing I heard).
I would also go on rational thought experiments, asking myself, “When was the last time you remembered an awkward moment from someone who isn’t a close friend?”. It led me to realise "Well that's how others see your awkward moment”. It's pretty much the same mindset for others judging you, “Everyone is thinking about themselves, so nobody is thinking about you". It’s called the spotlight effect.
You can also notice others' Social Etiquette, both physically and mentally. By noticing these things in other people, you can indirectly find out if you are approachable.
When you have the basic preparations, the next part is preparing how to be engaging and interesting. How to be a likeable person.
Personally, I think people can be boring, but by learning charisma, you can go from being boring to being genuinely interesting. Instead of just saying whatever, you deliberately deliver the best of what you are going to say. (In mainstream media, it’s known as rizz. But I think rizz and charisma have become 2 different things by now.)
Charisma
True charisma isn’t about faking your personality; it’s about amplifying the best aspects of it. It’s about developing a character so strong that others’ opinions become ideas rather than definitive truths.
Developing charisma includes being consistent—keeping promises, telling the truth, and showing respect for both yourself and others. For instance, it's more confident to say "I am kinda nervous”, smiling, rather than, “No, I am confident", whilst being nervous. This is because, by admitting the truth, you show vulnerability, and as an added bonus you are smiling. Just having that positive energy, whilst showing that, being nervous does not define your character is charismatic. Alone, your positive energy can actually create a positive and fun vibe. But let me explain more deeply:
Charisma rests on three foundational concepts: presence, power, and warmth.
Presence
To cultivate more presence, practice focused attention. This can be done by doing meditation or lots of practice. The goal with presence is to make them feel great. This could be by letting talk them about themselves, which in turn mostly leads to conversations. This is counterintuitive, it’s because everybody loves talking about themselves and most do not want to leave others out. That leads the conversation to go back to you, whilst also showing that you are attentive and care for the other person.
Power and Warmth
These traits are more nuanced. Albert Mehrabian, a body language researcher, found that communication is 55% non-verbal, 38% vocal, and only 7% words.
So first, the right body language is crucial. There are tons of videos (I recommend Charisma on Command, to see others' body language analysis or specific Ted Talks about body language.) and research on this, but to summarise most of the advice: Smile genuinely, maintain appropriate eye contact, and use a ton of open and expressive body language.
Smiling and eye contact can come with training, eye contact by faking it, and for smiling, I recommend gratitude because fake smiles can be seen. For most, they genuinely smile, whilst showing gratitude or complimenting others. If that does not work, I recommend professional help.
For open and expressive body language, that's using hands, and arms whilst talking. I seriously recommend watching videos on it, because I can not show it on text. It also involves posture, walking, standing, sitting, and expression by touching.
I am a fan of acronyms, and a widely used acronym is SOLER acronym: “Sit squarely,” “Open posture,” “Lean towards the other,” “Eye contact,” and “Relax.”.
For vocal confidence, it's mostly just continuing to adopt the confidence mindset “It’s going to be okay, no matter what happens,”, because it helps you get the right energy whilst talking. This also helps by replacing hesitations like “uhmm” with purposeful pauses, which give your words weight and allow you to speak more deliberately. For example, slowing one's speed when talking about serious matters to convey gravity, and maintaining a casual tone for lighter topics. The aim is to use vocals to best, bring another person into one's world, show empathy, and storytell.
Like, storytelling is amazing. Engaging storytelling by having a hook, middle and end, acting out characters with different pitches and also “sound effects” gets people interested, and also leaves a lasting memory. Seriously, I went all out on a story about falling off my cycle to my friends, and they talked and remembered it almost 6 months later. I did not realise how amazing storytelling was until that happened.
This adds a ton of warmth, by bringing a fun vibe. Later, by adding vulnerability and initiating taboo subjects, you also show power, because your character is strong and you do not care about others' opinions. This is the word part of the conversation.
One of the most important things I learned is: People do not remember what you said, they remember how you made them feel. Charisma focuses on having fun and amplifying feelings a ton. By having a ton of positive and uplifting energy, whilst making the other person feel amazing, you basically have just got yourself a friend for life. (At least in memories.)
What about starting a conversation? I think small talk is overused. I feel like there are so many topics to go into, so why not use the topics that you have prepared or use the acronym HEFE — Acronym for Hobbies, Entertainment, Food, and Environment.
I often opt for Environment or Entertainment as my first talk. For instance, I recently noticed someone reading a book and I simply asked, “What book are you reading?”. This led to a longer conversation about the book contents, then later to shared interests in anime and book recommendations.
So even deeper in the environment, you could try observing something about the person or their actions and express genuine curiosity. It could be anything from a ring—“Is there a story behind that ring?”—to them working on something—“What are you working on?” The goal is to simply show interest and initiate conversation.
Not every conversation will be long, and that’s perfectly fine. The key is persistence and reflection. Again, chances are, in five years, the only person, who will remember that awkward moment while lying in bed is you.
But what if the conversation is long? How do you keep a conversation going?
During Conversation
Overthinking
I used to always overthink whilst in conversation. Like if you read this far, yea you can see I overthink a lot... 8 hours into writing this...
Here’s a really good piece of advice: Don’t overthink the conversation. If your mind wanders, or you keep thinking about what to say next, you’ll miss out on the most effective way to keep a conversation going: Active listening. You can also show it by nodding and making the listening sound, like an occasional nod and "hmm."
Deepening the conversation
Here’s a life hack to keep a conversation going: When somebody finishes saying something, summarise, then say whatever you were going to say. It shows that you were listening, and gives you a little time to think. It’s even possible to pause to think. It should not be “I am going to say this when you finish.". It could be "Summary, (Pause to think), (thought/opinion/curiosity/something related, etc)".
There's another part to this trick, most surface-level conversations, can lead to deeper conversations if you ask open-ended questions. For instance, if someone says the good old, “I’m doing fine,” you could actually dive deeper by asking, “What makes your days good / What brings you joy? (Basically, why are you doing fine, instead of good, but saying that is kind of odd, yea, no.)”.
An easy response to an open-ended question is “(Summary), (My own answer to the open-ended question that was asked (By me)), (New open-ended question)”. This keeps the conversation flowing without it feeling like an interview.
If you have reached this point in conversation, you’re likely going to be friends. This is where you can start asking more personal questions. A useful acronym for deeper topics is FORD: Family, Occupation, Recreation, and Dreams. If you’re speaking with a stranger, it can be polite to start your personal questions with “May I ask”. This isn’t always necessary, but it can help establish boundaries, and I always use it. This is because they always have the option to say no to answering the question. A deepening question here could be, “May I ask, what are your dreams for the future?”. It’s personal, but it’s not like crazy deep.
For even longer conversations and or deeper conversations, you have hit the jackpot. If it's a conversation with an acquaintance, you might even consider going into core values, personal challenges, taboo subjects, etc. Questions like “May I ask, what do you value most in life?” or “May I ask, what have been your past experiences with relationships?”, These questions can bring a ton of strong emotions, but also vulnerability. It may seem scary, but it's actually really rewarding and fun.
Eventually, every conversation comes to an end. Recognising when to stop is a practicable skill that can prevent a lot of awkward moments. A smooth way to finish a conversation is, “I’ve got to go, but I’d love to hear one last thing from you.” This signals the end of the conversation while allowing for one last thing. I think it's better than "Well, I have got to go, bye" (After a 1-hour conversation, randomly), but still both work fine.
Here's a thing to remember:
Not everyone is open to deep conversations all the time, many people are more open-minded when the timing and environment are right. I think most happen in one-on-one conversations. Deep conversations in groups are really, really rare. Still, deep conversations are worth it because they are incredibly meaningful. For instance, I once had a two-hour very deep conversation with an acquaintance about religion, life, and politics, and it all began when he heard and asked me about leaving my religion. It does not only have to be that; I have had a few deep conversations, about crushes and relationships.
The thing is that I think closer friends are more open, It was pretty chill with my best friend, I literally just said, "I found this website with deep questions.". Then I literally just asked very deep questions. We actually had already talked about many taboo subjects already, from other deeper conversations.
The key is to be open and respectful, and then take advantage when the opportunity for a deep conversation comes.
After conversations
Reflecting
What I have just been doing above is reflecting a ton. When there's so much information, it's super important to reflect. For instance, I used to suck at using my hands while talking, and storytelling, but by reflecting on what I could have done better, I slowly got better at using my hands and storytelling.
At the end of the day, I got better at just going for it. This is also, the most important thing, in many things in life, including socialising. If you never try, you are not giving yourself a fair chance.
If you have read through this humongous guide, congratulations! You now know how to master conversations. If you have not read it, come on, give yourself a chance.
This is just one resource, and later learning from another place, like, personally I loved Mark Manson's work, Ted Talks or Charisma on Command on YouTube. This guide is not perfect, and I am not an expert. This is just everything I learned, going from being socially anxious to beating my anxiety. If you are struggling with something specific, search for it, research it, and always don't be stuck with a closed mind, when it comes to social skills. Always have a growth mindset and remember the most important thing in socialising:
Practice makes perfect.
Written by Tamim, why did I just spend like 11 hours straight on this, lol. I should eat and drink water. Well, it’s my first piece of advice. If anyone reads this essay, was it good? Wait, fuck, I forgot to write about humour. AUUGHH.

I am confused as to why men think it's safe for them to meet up with a strange woman in a private place. I mean all hail male confidence but....guns are not gender specific. I feel like this is a safety issue for men. I brought it up to the last two men who wanted me to invite them over on the first date. They had no coherent reply. One backed down. One did not. What do the men of reddit say?

My boyfriend 23M and I 22F have been together 2 years (also live together), he recently went on a boys trip for a friends birthday. While away, I woke up and had a really crazy gut feeling something had happened - woman’s intuition. I went back and fourth on if I should go through his old phone and look at his socials. I decided too, as I have been cheated on in the past (different relationship). I found a bunch of missed calls to this girl he had met out that night. I sent her a message on instagram from my account asking for her side of the story. She said he asked her many times to go home with him, she said no, he told her we had broken up 3 days beforehand. He then got her Snapchat/insta and continued to try and call her for about 3 hours, until he went to sleep. They never slept together, she never replied to him.
I consider this cheating, the intention was there and if she had said yes then they probably would have slept together. The thought makes me sick.
Anyways, I found out and he eventually came clean about it. Caught a flight home a day early and came to our apartment very apologetic, sobbing, taking full ownership. He told me he was just absolutely drunk, doesn’t even know why he did it, is so sorry and it was the worst decision of his life. I told him we had to break up and he had to leave the house. Which he did, respectfully.
It’s been 3 days, he is continuously texting me apologising, he said he wants to get my trust back and he is going to fix himself up.
He is a terrible liar, which is how I caught him out, and I do believe what he’s saying about this being the only time, him being sorry and regretting it.
Do you think that this would be something you could potentially overcome in your relationship?
He didn’t actually sleep with the girl, but the intention was obviously there.
Once a cheater always a cheater?
Has anyone cheated and realised what they’d lost and never did it again?
I need some advice as this has completely destroyed me.
There has never been anything in the past that would make me think he would do this to me, my friends and family were all so completely shocked and if I hadn’t had screenshots wouldn’t have believed me.
I have been through his phone a few times, never found anything to indicate he was shady.
HELP