Here is the log
``` ---- Minecraft Crash Report ---- // There are four lights!
Time: 5/23/24 12:55 PM Description: Exception generating new chunk
java.lang.IndexOutOfBoundsException: Index: 5, Size: 5 at java.util.ArrayList.rangeCheck(ArrayList.java:653) ~[?:1.8.051] {re:computing_frames} at java.util.ArrayList.get(ArrayList.java:429) ~[?:1.8.0_51] {re:computing_frames} at corgiaoc.byg.util.LayerRandomWeightedListUtil.pickBiomeFromID(LayerRandomWeightedListUtil.java:36) ~[?:1.3.6] {re:mixin,re:classloading} at corgiaoc.byg.util.LayerRandomWeightedListUtil.getBiomeFromID(LayerRandomWeightedListUtil.java:19) ~[?:1.3.6] {re:mixin,re:classloading} at corgiaoc.byg.common.world.dimension.layers.WeightedMasterLayer.getRandomBiome(WeightedMasterLayer.java:27) ~[?:1.3.6] {re:classloading} at corgiaoc.byg.common.world.dimension.layers.WeightedMasterLayer.func_215735_a(WeightedMasterLayer.java:23) ~[?:1.3.6] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer0.func_202820_a(SourceFile:12) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer0$$Lambda$21025/1128650905.apply(Unknown Source) ~[?:?] {} at net.minecraft.world.gen.area.LazyArea.func_202678_a(SourceFile:26) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.ZoomLayer.func_215728_a(SourceFile:31) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer1.func_202711_b(SourceFile:13) ~[?:?] {re:classloading,re:mixin} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer1$$Lambda$21026/1653702895.apply(Unknown Source) ~[?:?] {} at net.minecraft.world.gen.area.LazyArea.func_202678_a(SourceFile:26) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.ZoomLayer.func_215728_a(SourceFile:31) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer1.func_202711_b(SourceFile:13) ~[?:?] {re:classloading,re:mixin} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer1$$Lambda$21026/1653702895.apply(Unknown Source) ~[?:?] {} at net.minecraft.world.gen.area.LazyArea.func_202678_a(SourceFile:26) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.ZoomLayer.func_215728_a(SourceFile:31) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer1.func_202711_b(SourceFile:13) ~[?:?] {re:classloading,re:mixin} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer1$$Lambda$21026/1653702895.apply(Unknown Source) ~[?:?] {} at net.minecraft.world.gen.area.LazyArea.func_202678_a(SourceFile:26) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.ZoomLayer.func_215728_a(SourceFile:31) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer1.func_202711_b(SourceFile:13) ~[?:?] {re:classloading,re:mixin} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer1$$Lambda$21026/1653702895.apply(Unknown Source) ~[?:?] {} at net.minecraft.world.gen.area.LazyArea.func_202678_a(SourceFile:26) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at corgiaoc.byg.common.world.dimension.layers.BYGHillsLayer.func_215723_a(BYGHillsLayer.java:33) ~[?:1.3.6] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer2.func_215724_a(SourceFile:15) ~[?:?] {re:mixin,re:computing_frames,re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer2$$Lambda$21027/954617060.apply(Unknown Source) ~[?:?] {} at net.minecraft.world.gen.area.LazyArea.func_202678_a(SourceFile:26) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.ZoomLayer.func_215728_a(SourceFile:31) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer1.func_202711_b(SourceFile:13) ~[?:?] {re:classloading,re:mixin} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer1$$Lambda$21026/1653702895.apply(Unknown Source) ~[?:?] {} at net.minecraft.world.gen.area.LazyArea.func_202678_a(SourceFile:26) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.ZoomLayer.func_215728_a(SourceFile:31) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer1.func_202711_b(SourceFile:13) ~[?:?] {re:classloading,re:mixin} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer1$$Lambda$21026/1653702895.apply(Unknown Source) ~[?:?] {} at net.minecraft.world.gen.area.LazyArea.func_202678_a(SourceFile:26) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.ICastleTransformer.func_215728_a(SourceFile:14) ~[?:?] {re:classloading,re:mixin} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer1.func_202711_b(SourceFile:13) ~[?:?] {re:classloading,re:mixin} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer1$$Lambda$21026/1653702895.apply(Unknown Source) ~[?:?] {} at net.minecraft.world.gen.area.LazyArea.func_202678_a(SourceFile:26) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.ZoomLayer.func_215728_a(SourceFile:31) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer1.func_202711_b(SourceFile:13) ~[?:?] {re:classloading,re:mixin} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer1$$Lambda$21026/1653702895.apply(Unknown Source) ~[?:?] {} at net.minecraft.world.gen.area.LazyArea.func_202678_a(SourceFile:26) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.ZoomLayer.func_215728_a(SourceFile:31) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer1.func_202711_b(SourceFile:13) ~[?:?] {re:classloading,re:mixin} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer1$$Lambda$21026/1653702895.apply(Unknown Source) ~[?:?] {} at net.minecraft.world.gen.area.LazyArea.func_202678_a(SourceFile:26) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at corgiaoc.byg.common.world.dimension.DatapackLayer.sampleNether(DatapackLayer.java:25) ~[?:1.3.6] {re:classloading} at corgiaoc.byg.common.world.dimension.nether.BYGNetherBiomeSource.func_225526_b(BYGNetherBiomeSource.java:79) ~[?:1.3.6] {re:classloading,re:mixin} at net.minecraft.world.gen.ChunkGenerator.func_242707_a(SourceFile:262) ~[?:?] {re:mixin,re:classloading,pl:mixin:APP:yungsapi.mixins.json:ChunkGeneratorAccessor,pl:mixin:A} at net.minecraft.world.chunk.ChunkStatus.func_222586_d(ChunkStatus.java:41) ~[?:?] {re:mixin,pl:accesstransformer:B,re:classloading,pl:accesstransformer:B,pl:mixin:APP:bettercaves.mixins.json:ChunkStatusMixin,pl:mixin:APP:byg.mixins.json:common.world.ChunkStatusMixin,pl:mixin:A} at net.minecraft.world.chunk.ChunkStatus$$Lambda$2327/103587363.doWork(Unknown Source) ~[?:?] {} at net.minecraft.world.chunk.ChunkStatus.func_223198_a(ChunkStatus.java:198) ~[?:?] {re:mixin,pl:accesstransformer:B,re:classloading,pl:accesstransformer:B,pl:mixin:APP:bettercaves.mixins.json:ChunkStatusMixin,pl:mixin:APP:byg.mixins.json:common.world.ChunkStatusMixin,pl:mixin:A} at net.minecraft.world.server.ChunkManager.lambda$null$18(ChunkManager.java:524) ~[?:?] {re:classloading,pl:accesstransformer:B} at net.minecraft.world.server.ChunkManager$$Lambda$21792/1843303570.apply(Unknown Source) ~[?:?] {} at com.mojang.datafixers.util.Either$Left.map(Either.java:38) ~[datafixerupper-4.0.26.jar:?] {re:classloading,re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.server.ChunkManager.lambda$scheduleChunkGeneration$20(ChunkManager.java:522) ~[?:?] {re:classloading,pl:accesstransformer:B} at net.minecraft.world.server.ChunkManager$$Lambda$21789/18444063.apply(Unknown Source) ~[?:?] {} at java.util.concurrent.CompletableFuture.uniCompose(CompletableFuture.java:952) ~[?:1.8.0_51] {} at java.util.concurrent.CompletableFuture$UniCompose.tryFire(CompletableFuture.java:926) ~[?:1.8.0_51] {} at java.util.concurrent.CompletableFuture$Completion.run(CompletableFuture.java:442) ~[?:1.8.0_51] {} at net.minecraft.world.chunk.ChunkTaskPriorityQueueSorter.func_219083_b(SourceFile:58) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.chunk.ChunkTaskPriorityQueueSorter$$Lambda$21524/976182089.run(Unknown Source) ~[?:?] {} at net.minecraft.util.concurrent.DelegatedTaskExecutor.func_213148_e(SourceFile:94) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.util.concurrent.DelegatedTaskExecutor.func_213145_a(SourceFile:137) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.util.concurrent.DelegatedTaskExecutor.run(SourceFile:105) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at java.util.concurrent.ForkJoinTask$RunnableExecuteAction.exec(ForkJoinTask.java:1402) ~[?:1.8.0_51] {} at java.util.concurrent.ForkJoinTask.doExec(ForkJoinTask.java:289) ~[?:1.8.0_51] {} at java.util.concurrent.ForkJoinPool$WorkQueue.runTask(ForkJoinPool.java:1056) ~[?:1.8.0_51] {} at java.util.concurrent.ForkJoinPool.runWorker(ForkJoinPool.java:1689) ~[?:1.8.0_51] {} at java.util.concurrent.ForkJoinWorkerThread.run(ForkJoinWorkerThread.java:157) ~[?:1.8.0_51] {}

A detailed walkthrough of the error, its code path and all known details is as follows:

-- Head -- Thread: Server thread Stacktrace: at java.util.ArrayList.rangeCheck(ArrayList.java:653) ~[?:1.8.051] {re:computing_frames} at java.util.ArrayList.get(ArrayList.java:429) ~[?:1.8.0_51] {re:computing_frames} at corgiaoc.byg.util.LayerRandomWeightedListUtil.pickBiomeFromID(LayerRandomWeightedListUtil.java:36) ~[?:1.3.6] {re:mixin,re:classloading} at corgiaoc.byg.util.LayerRandomWeightedListUtil.getBiomeFromID(LayerRandomWeightedListUtil.java:19) ~[?:1.3.6] {re:mixin,re:classloading} at corgiaoc.byg.common.world.dimension.layers.WeightedMasterLayer.getRandomBiome(WeightedMasterLayer.java:27) ~[?:1.3.6] {re:classloading} at corgiaoc.byg.common.world.dimension.layers.WeightedMasterLayer.func_215735_a(WeightedMasterLayer.java:23) ~[?:1.3.6] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer0.func_202820_a(SourceFile:12) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer0$$Lambda$21025/1128650905.apply(Unknown Source) ~[?:?] {} at net.minecraft.world.gen.area.LazyArea.func_202678_a(SourceFile:26) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.ZoomLayer.func_215728_a(SourceFile:31) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer1.func_202711_b(SourceFile:13) ~[?:?] {re:classloading,re:mixin} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer1$$Lambda$21026/1653702895.apply(Unknown Source) ~[?:?] {} at net.minecraft.world.gen.area.LazyArea.func_202678_a(SourceFile:26) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.ZoomLayer.func_215728_a(SourceFile:31) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer1.func_202711_b(SourceFile:13) ~[?:?] {re:classloading,re:mixin} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer1$$Lambda$21026/1653702895.apply(Unknown Source) ~[?:?] {} at net.minecraft.world.gen.area.LazyArea.func_202678_a(SourceFile:26) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.ZoomLayer.func_215728_a(SourceFile:31) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer1.func_202711_b(SourceFile:13) ~[?:?] {re:classloading,re:mixin} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer1$$Lambda$21026/1653702895.apply(Unknown Source) ~[?:?] {} at net.minecraft.world.gen.area.LazyArea.func_202678_a(SourceFile:26) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.ZoomLayer.func_215728_a(SourceFile:31) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer1.func_202711_b(SourceFile:13) ~[?:?] {re:classloading,re:mixin} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer1$$Lambda$21026/1653702895.apply(Unknown Source) ~[?:?] {} at net.minecraft.world.gen.area.LazyArea.func_202678_a(SourceFile:26) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at corgiaoc.byg.common.world.dimension.layers.BYGHillsLayer.func_215723_a(BYGHillsLayer.java:33) ~[?:1.3.6] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer2.func_215724_a(SourceFile:15) ~[?:?] {re:mixin,re:computing_frames,re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer2$$Lambda$21027/954617060.apply(Unknown Source) ~[?:?] {} at net.minecraft.world.gen.area.LazyArea.func_202678_a(SourceFile:26) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.ZoomLayer.func_215728_a(SourceFile:31) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer1.func_202711_b(SourceFile:13) ~[?:?] {re:classloading,re:mixin} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer1$$Lambda$21026/1653702895.apply(Unknown Source) ~[?:?] {} at net.minecraft.world.gen.area.LazyArea.func_202678_a(SourceFile:26) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.ZoomLayer.func_215728_a(SourceFile:31) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer1.func_202711_b(SourceFile:13) ~[?:?] {re:classloading,re:mixin} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer1$$Lambda$21026/1653702895.apply(Unknown Source) ~[?:?] {} at net.minecraft.world.gen.area.LazyArea.func_202678_a(SourceFile:26) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.ICastleTransformer.func_215728_a(SourceFile:14) ~[?:?] {re:classloading,re:mixin} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer1.func_202711_b(SourceFile:13) ~[?:?] {re:classloading,re:mixin} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer1$$Lambda$21026/1653702895.apply(Unknown Source) ~[?:?] {} at net.minecraft.world.gen.area.LazyArea.func_202678_a(SourceFile:26) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.ZoomLayer.func_215728_a(SourceFile:31) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer1.func_202711_b(SourceFile:13) ~[?:?] {re:classloading,re:mixin} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer1$$Lambda$21026/1653702895.apply(Unknown Source) ~[?:?] {} at net.minecraft.world.gen.area.LazyArea.func_202678_a(SourceFile:26) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.ZoomLayer.func_215728_a(SourceFile:31) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer1.func_202711_b(SourceFile:13) ~[?:?] {re:classloading,re:mixin} at net.minecraft.world.gen.layer.traits.IAreaTransformer1$$Lambda$21026/1653702895.apply(Unknown Source) ~[?:?] {} at net.minecraft.world.gen.area.LazyArea.func_202678_a(SourceFile:26) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at corgiaoc.byg.common.world.dimension.DatapackLayer.sampleNether(DatapackLayer.java:25) ~[?:1.3.6] {re:classloading} at corgiaoc.byg.common.world.dimension.nether.BYGNetherBiomeSource.func_225526_b(BYGNetherBiomeSource.java:79) ~[?:1.3.6] {re:classloading,re:mixin} at net.minecraft.world.gen.ChunkGenerator.func_242707_a(SourceFile:262) ~[?:?] {re:mixin,re:classloading,pl:mixin:APP:yungsapi.mixins.json:ChunkGeneratorAccessor,pl:mixin:A} at net.minecraft.world.chunk.ChunkStatus.func_222586_d(ChunkStatus.java:41) ~[?:?] {re:mixin,pl:accesstransformer:B,re:classloading,pl:accesstransformer:B,pl:mixin:APP:bettercaves.mixins.json:ChunkStatusMixin,pl:mixin:APP:byg.mixins.json:common.world.ChunkStatusMixin,pl:mixin:A} at net.minecraft.world.chunk.ChunkStatus$$Lambda$2327/103587363.doWork(Unknown Source) ~[?:?] {} at net.minecraft.world.chunk.ChunkStatus.func_223198_a(ChunkStatus.java:198) ~[?:?] {re:mixin,pl:accesstransformer:B,re:classloading,pl:accesstransformer:B,pl:mixin:APP:bettercaves.mixins.json:ChunkStatusMixin,pl:mixin:APP:byg.mixins.json:common.world.ChunkStatusMixin,pl:mixin:A} -- Chunk to be generated -- Details: Location: -1,2 Position hash: 12884901887 Generator: net.minecraft.world.gen.NoiseChunkGenerator@468c3290 Stacktrace: at net.minecraft.world.server.ChunkManager.lambda$null$18(ChunkManager.java:524) ~[?:?] {re:classloading,pl:accesstransformer:B} at net.minecraft.world.server.ChunkManager$$Lambda$21792/1843303570.apply(Unknown Source) ~[?:?] {} at com.mojang.datafixers.util.Either$Left.map(Either.java:38) ~[datafixerupper-4.0.26.jar:?] {re:classloading,re:classloading,re:classloading} at net.minecraft.world.server.ChunkManager.lambda$scheduleChunkGeneration$20(ChunkManager.java:522) ~[?:?] {re:classloading,pl:accesstransformer:B} at net.minecraft.world.server.ChunkManager$$Lambda$21789/18444063.apply(Unknown Source) ~[?:?] {} at java.util.concurrent.CompletableFuture.uniCompose(CompletableFuture.java:952) ~[?:1.8.0_51] {} at java.util.concurrent.CompletableFuture$UniCompose.tryFire(CompletableFuture.java:926) ~[?:1.8.0_51] {}
-- Player being ticked -- Details: Entity Type: minecraft:player (net.minecraft.entity.player.ServerPlayerEntity) Entity ID: 137 Entity Name: AtomicByte Entity's Exact location: -17.42, 5.00, 271.10 Entity's Block location: World: (-18,5,271), Chunk: (at 14,0,15 in -2,16; contains blocks -32,0,256 to -17,255,271), Region: (-1,0; contains chunks -32,0 to -1,31, blocks -512,0,0 to -1,255,511) Entity's Momentum: 0.00, -0.08, 0.00 Entity's Passengers: [] Entity's Vehicle: ERROR NullPointerException: null Stacktrace: at net.minecraft.entity.player.ServerPlayerEntity.func71127_g(ServerPlayerEntity.java:465) ~[?:?] {re:mixin,pl:accesstransformer:B,re:computing_frames,pl:accesstransformer:B,re:classloading,pl:accesstransformer:B,pl:mixin:APP:mixins.biomancy.json:ServerPlayerEntityMixin,pl:mixin:A} at net.minecraft.network.play.ServerPlayNetHandler.func_73660_a(ServerPlayNetHandler.java:207) ~[?:?] {re:mixin,pl:accesstransformer:B,re:classloading,pl:accesstransformer:B,pl:mixin:APP:combat_commons.mixins.json:attack_reach.ServerPlayNetHandlerMixin,pl:mixin:APP:backpacked.mixins.json:common.ServerPlayNetHandlerMixin,pl:mixin:A} at net.minecraft.network.NetworkManager.func_74428_b(NetworkManager.java:226) ~[?:?] {re:classloading,re:mixin} at net.minecraft.network.NetworkSystem.func_151269_c(NetworkSystem.java:134) ~[?:?] {re:classloading} at net.minecraft.server.MinecraftServer.func_71190_q(MinecraftServer.java:865) ~[?:?] {re:mixin,pl:accesstransformer:B,re:classloading,pl:accesstransformer:B,pl:mixin:APP:byg.mixins.json:server.MixinMinecraftServer,pl:mixin:A} at net.minecraft.server.MinecraftServer.func_71217_p(MinecraftServer.java:787) ~[?:?] {re:mixin,pl:accesstransformer:B,re:classloading,pl:accesstransformer:B,pl:mixin:APP:byg.mixins.json:server.MixinMinecraftServer,pl:mixin:A} at net.minecraft.server.integrated.IntegratedServer.func_71217_p(IntegratedServer.java:78) ~[?:?] {re:classloading,pl:runtimedistcleaner:A} at net.minecraft.server.MinecraftServer.func_240802_v(MinecraftServer.java:642) [?:?] {re:mixin,pl:accesstransformer:B,re:classloading,pl:accesstransformer:B,pl:mixin:APP:byg.mixins.json:server.MixinMinecraftServer,pl:mixin:A} at net.minecraft.server.MinecraftServer.func240783_a(MinecraftServer.java:232) [?:?] {re:mixin,pl:accesstransformer:B,re:classloading,pl:accesstransformer:B,pl:mixin:APP:byg.mixins.json:server.MixinMinecraftServer,pl:mixin:A} at net.minecraft.server.MinecraftServer$$Lambda$21346/772490462.run(Unknown Source) [?:?] {} at java.lang.Thread.run(Thread.java:745) [?:1.8.0_51] {}
-- System Details -- Details: Minecraft Version: 1.16.5 Minecraft Version ID: 1.16.5 Operating System: Windows 10 (amd64) version 10.0 Java Version: 1.8.0_51, Oracle Corporation Java VM Version: Java HotSpot(TM) 64-Bit Server VM (mixed mode), Oracle Corporation Memory: 1294130840 bytes (1234 MB) / 4047503360 bytes (3860 MB) up to 5219811328 bytes (4978 MB) CPUs: 8 JVM Flags: 4 total; -XX:HeapDumpPath=MojangTricksIntelDriversForPerformance_javaw.exe_minecraft.exe.heapdump -Xss1M -Xmx5600m -Xms256m ModLauncher: 8.1.3+8.1.3+main-8.1.x.c94d18ec ModLauncher launch target: fmlclient ModLauncher naming: srg ModLauncher services: /mixin-0.8.4.jar mixin PLUGINSERVICE /eventbus-4.0.0.jar eventbus PLUGINSERVICE /forge-1.16.5-36.2.34.jar object_holder_definalize PLUGINSERVICE /forge-1.16.5-36.2.34.jar runtime_enum_extender PLUGINSERVICE /accesstransformers-3.0.1.jar accesstransformer PLUGINSERVICE /forge-1.16.5-36.2.34.jar capability_inject_definalize PLUGINSERVICE /forge-1.16.5-36.2.34.jar runtimedistcleaner PLUGINSERVICE /mixin-0.8.4.jar mixin TRANSFORMATIONSERVICE /forge-1.16.5-36.2.34.jar fml TRANSFORMATIONSERVICE FML: 36.2 Forge: net.minecraftforge:36.2.34 FML Language Providers: javafml@36.2 minecraft@1 Mod List: rsrequestify-1.16.5-2.1.6.jar RSRequestify rsrequestify 2.1.6 DONE Manifest: NOSIGNATURE CyclopsCore-1.16.5-1.13.0.jar Cyclops Core cyclopscore 1.13.0 DONE Manifest: NOSIGNATURE fullbrightnesstoggle_1.16.5-2.1.jar Full Brightness Toggle fullbrightnesstoggle 2.1 DONE Manifest: NOSIGNATURE ftb-essentials-1605.1.5-build.32.jar FTB Essentials ftbessentials 1605.1.5-build.32 DONE Manifest: NOSIGNATURE Cucumber-1.16.5-4.1.12.jar Cucumber Library cucumber 4.1.12 DONE Manifest: NOSIGNATURE refinedpipes-0.5.2.jar Refined Pipes refinedpipes 0.5.2 DONE Manifest: NOSIGNATURE jei-1.16.5-7.8.0.1009.jar Just Enough Items jei 7.8.0.1009 DONE Manifest: NOSIGNATURE ProjectE-1.16.5-PE1.0.2.jar ProjectE projecte PE1.0.2 DONE Manifest: NOSIGNATURE Mekanism-1.16.5-10.1.2.457.jar Mekanism mekanism 10.1.2 DONE Manifest: NOSIGNATURE BetterCaves-Forge-1.16.4-1.1.2.jar YUNG's Better Caves bettercaves 1.16.4-1.1.2 DONE Manifest: NOSIGNATURE Clumps-6.0.0.28.jar Clumps clumps 6.0.0.28 DONE Manifest: NOSIGNATURE journeymap-1.16.5-5.8.5p7.jar Journeymap journeymap 5.8.5p7 DONE Manifest: NOSIGNATURE CTM-MC1.16.1-1.1.2.6.jar ConnectedTexturesMod ctm MC1.16.1-1.1.2.6 DONE Manifest: NOSIGNATURE Controlling-7.0.0.31.jar Controlling controlling 7.0.0.31 DONE Manifest: NOSIGNATURE citadel-1.8.1-1.16.5.jar Citadel citadel 1.8.1 DONE Manifest: NOSIGNATURE NaturesCompass-1.16.5-1.9.1-forge.jar Nature's Compass naturescompass 1.16.5-1.9.1-forge DONE Manifest: NOSIGNATURE EvilCraft-1.16.5-1.1.17.jar EvilCraft evilcraft 1.1.17 DONE Manifest: NOSIGNATURE YungsApi-1.16.4-Forge-13.jar YUNG's API yungsapi 1.16.4-Forge-13 DONE Manifest: NOSIGNATURE compactmachines-4.0.0-beta.2.jar Compact Machines 4 compactmachines 4.0.0-beta.2 DONE Manifest: NOSIGNATURE Bookshelf-Forge-1.16.5-10.4.33.jar Bookshelf bookshelf 10.4.33 DONE Manifest: eb:c4:b1:67:8b:f9:0c:db:dc:4f:01:b1:8e:61:64:39:4c:10:85:0b:a6:c4:c7:48:f0:fa:95:f2:cb:08:3a:e5 mahoutsukai-1.16.5-v1.34.62.jar Mahou Tsukai mahoutsukai 1.16.5-v1.34.62 DONE Manifest: NOSIGNATURE iceandfire-2.1.12-1.16.5-patch-1.jar Ice and Fire iceandfire 2.1.12-1.16.5-patch-DONE Manifest: NOSIGNATURE MekanismGenerators-1.16.5-10.1.2.457.jar Mekanism: Generators mekanismgenerators 10.1.2 DONE Manifest: NOSIGNATURE Hwyla-forge-1.10.11-B78_1.16.2.jar Waila waila 1.10.11-B78_1.16.2 DONE Manifest: NOSIGNATURE forge-1.16.5-36.2.34-universal.jar Forge forge 36.2.34 DONE Manifest: 22:af:21:d8:19:82:7f:93:94:fe:2b:ac:b7:e4:41:57:68:39:87:b1:a7:5c:c6:44:f9:25:74:21:14:f5:0d:90 BloodMagic-1.16.4-3.1.13-39.jar Blood Magic bloodmagic 1.16.4-3.1.13-39 DONE Manifest: NOSIGNATURE twilightforest-1.16.5-4.0.870-universal.jar The Twilight Forest twilightforest NONE DONE Manifest: NOSIGNATURE refinedstorage-1.9.18.jar Refined 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NOSIGNATURE ars_creo-1.16.5-1.1.2.jar Ars Creo ars_creo 1.1.2 DONE Manifest: NOSIGNATURE createaddition-1.16.5-20220129a.jar Create Crafts & Additions createaddition 1.16.5-20220129a DONE Manifest: NOSIGNATURE Crash Report UUID: 3134c73b-f539-43b8-a9a1-6afdf5bf536f Patchouli open book context: n/a Player Count: 1 / 8; [ServerPlayerEntity['AtomicByte'/137, l='ServerLevel[ballz]', x=-17.42, y=5.00, z=271.10]] Data Packs: vanilla, mod:rsrequestify (incompatible), mod:cyclopscore, mod:ftbessentials, mod:cucumber, mod:refinedpipes, mod:jei, mod:projecte, mod:mekanism, mod:bettercaves (incompatible), mod:clumps, mod:journeymap (incompatible), mod:ctm (incompatible), mod:controlling, mod:citadel (incompatible), mod:naturescompass (incompatible), mod:evilcraft, mod:yungsapi, mod:compactmachines, mod:bookshelf, mod:mahoutsukai (incompatible), mod:iceandfire, mod:mekanismgenerators, mod:waila, mod:forge, mod:bloodmagic, mod:twilightforest, mod:refinedstorage, mod:mysticalagriculture, mod:mysticalagradditions, mod:useless_sword, mod:cofh_core, mod:thermal, mod:tconstruct, mod:industrialforegoing (incompatible), mod:farmersdelight, mod:enchdesc, mod:thermal_innovation (incompatible), mod:mousetweaks, mod:titanium (incompatible), mod:combat_commons, mod:botania, mod:flywheel, mod:create, mod:curios, mod:patchouli (incompatible), mod:mantle (incompatible), mod:thermal_cultivation (incompatible), mod:searchables, mod:autoreglib (incompatible), mod:quark (incompatible), mod:thermal_expansion, mod:backpacked (incompatible), mod:cgm, mod:obfuscate, mod:thermal_locomotion (incompatible), mod:mekanismtools, mod:cfm (incompatible), mod:architectury, mod:ftblibrary, mod:chisel (incompatible), mod:computercraft, mod:byg, mod:biomancy, mod:refinedstorageaddons, mod:chiselsandbits (incompatible), mod:bettermineshafts, mod:geckolib3 (incompatible), mod:ars_nouveau, mod:ars_elemental (incompatible), mod:ars_creo (incompatible), mod:createaddition, mod:fullbrightnesstoggle, mod:collective, mod:oreexcavation Type: Integrated Server (map_client.txt) Is Modded: Definitely; Client brand changed to 'forge' ```

I am a recovering people pleaser. I cannot stand confrontation so I try to keep the peace, even when people are being nasty. I’m an easy target, I’ll admit. Always have been. I’m small in stature, quiet, introverted and a little bit weird. Kind of a dumb smart person really… Well, in my line of work, I had to work very closely with my team. I won’t say what my job was but, put it this way, we worked, ate, slept, showered, sht and drank together. One particular night we were given time off. During Covid we weren’t allowed to go to the pub so they let us have a few drinks in our meal area. I didn’t get along with the team. They were horrible people. I got called all sorts of nasty things. Fat, rtarded, lazy… you get the idea. I got told the “pretty girls” get what they want so I had to deal with it. So, this night I thought I’d crack open a can and sit with my team. I wanted to make the most out of a crappy situation. This girl who had been an absolute a-hole sat down at the table with her first drink of the evening and said to me “Why are you still talking? If everyone at this table took a vote, we’d vote you off the team.” I was speechless. I got up, took my drink and sat outside to call my best friend in tears. Now, I’ve always been a vengeful person but I prefer to creep in the shadows. Whilst I was talking to BFF, I remembered who the heck I was! I got up, walked to our cabin, p*ssed into a container and proceeded to tip my urine over this girls bed. Nobody saw me. I got in and out undetected like a Charlie’s Angel. Granted, I was tipsy, but I’d had enough. I didn’t have the guts to go toe to toe with this beast of a girl but I had enough liquid courage in me to sabotage her good nights rest. In the wee hours of the morning (see what I did there?), I snitched to my boss just to cover myself and drive in my innocence like the closet menace I am. Another team mate had asked me why I tipped water all over the beasts bed. My boss concluded that it could not have been me. Maybe there was a leak? Maybe she left her drink bottle open? I went back to my cabin and saw the beast changing her sheets. She took a whiff of them and said “AWWW!!! THAT STINKS!!” I have never felt more satisfied in my life. Eventually her and another girl got done for bullying and harassment. When I finally left that job, I rubbed my bare booty on their pillowcase and let out a little brrrttt… I even left a booger just for good measure. Totally petty. Totally disgusting. But suck it!

You are such a nasty deplorable person. You are not a trans person but a trans imposter. You do not do anything other than out the flag up In your apartment to such support for the trans nation. I am sure most of gross individuals are as embarrassed as the cis people are. You use everything including gifts and the cash you receive for your benefit and your benefit only. Any person can be in a live or make a video and say they are making it for a specific group or individual. But funny thing is that those snickerdoodles you made the other night for whatever group where In a container on your counter and you took one out to eat it. Quit thing you are playing games with your followers and ex followers. You contradict yourself so much I do t trying you know what the jell you are doing. It appears you she relapsed. It appears you are being inappropriate when minors are I. Your live. It appears that your drank piss today. It appears that your house is past the stage of being a hoarders house but that you are just plain lazy and want a personal servant to wait on you hand and foot. It appears that you think no one sees the shit you are trying to pull right in Fri t of us and that we won’t post it or make a comment about it over here on Reddit. It appears that you are trying to stay relevant which you are not relevant. Most of us just want a good laugh or maybe we are just waiting to see you crash and burn soon you may become o the point that you will need some medical attention for safety. You are sure not making the best decisions. Personally Ifgaf what you’re doing. I hate to see it but I laugh my ass off when you are doing this stupid shit cu I would never and never have. I have way more respect for myself than to do drugs. You keep complaining about the services that the BA has available for you and that they are not helping you. Well some people would appreciate to get ten percent of the help that you get. Use your money to find programs or other people to help you. Stay on the right path and make better decisions instead of r elapsing. We all see it on your lives. We are not stupid. You have former assists in your lives. People can hear everything even when you are not in front of the camera. Be better do better. I once was a follower and couldn’t wait to watch your lives but with all your bs shenanigans lately I could care les if I catch your live or not. If I do it is only to see what stupid ass shit you are going to do and what consequences you will get. I laugh my ass odd when one of your accounts get banned. I will never email tik tok on you Your behalf. I will report u you for the shit that you do. Pretty soon we will get you down to one account. Just keep breaking the community guidelines. Just do better be better

Check out the comments section on this recent op-ed which rehashes the gender pay gap myth, apparently unaltered and suspended in amber from the days of 2010s Buzzfeed-style pop-culture feminism.
The context here is that the NY Times readership skews pretty progressive and feminist, as well as older so they tend to rehash a lot of second-wave feminist talking points and the like. I'm on the left politically myself but I find much of their views on gendesex to be very tired and ideological. So basically this isn't the typical crowd to push back on a feminist op-ed about the supposed gender pay gap, and in the past in other comment sections they absolutely would have applauded the author, but not this time... and the comments are actually quite glorious.
https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/22/opinion/gender-pay-gap.html#commentsContainer
(Click "Reader Picks" at the top to see comments ranked by upvotes, the way Reddit does it, to understand how much public opinion on this has shifted.)
The author, Jessica Grose, is one of the paper's opinion columnists and not someone I'd personally describe as a malicious or inflammatory feminist. I describe this piece instead as intellectually lazy and ideological. In any case, this kind of vehement disagreement in the comments was practically unheard of in the past, and it shows that changing public opinion is possible. I mention this as another thread here today talks about men's issues as a "lost cause":

Theres so much bias against men on the internet even on wikipedia of all places of people putting down mens issues and everyone just claps and accepts it.

Yes, it's an uphill battle. But do you know who benefits the most from a defeatist attitude? The people who would love nothing more than to preserve the status quo.
Now for any lurking feminists or anybody who wandered in here or who doesn't know how they got here, if you're skeptical about the gender pay gap (at least in the United States) being a myth, then you don't have to take my word for it. I'll link to this Wikipedia article which explains it very well:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_pay_gap_in_the_United_States
The takeaway is that:

The average female annual earnings is around 80% of the average male's. When variables such as hours worked, occupations chosen, and education and job experience are controlled for, the gap diminishes with females earning 95% as much as males.
[...]
The causes of the gender pay gap are debated, but popular explanations include the "motherhood penalty," hours worked, occupation chosen, willingness to negotiate salary, and gender bias.

So when you control for hours worked, occupation, education, etc, and have a true apples-to-apples comparison, that pay gap is about 5% and even that is debated about why it exists. Multiple explanations are put forward and not all of them point to sexism.
Ask yourself why at marches nobody ever has a sign that reads: "Women make 95 cents on the dollar compared to men and some of that 5% might be due to sexism!" Maybe because it doesn't sound as alarming and oppressive as what the signs usually say? If reality isn't good enough to put on your sign to really stir up the outrage and indignation then maybe think about that.

From what I can tell, I can classify the mysteries so far into 5 main mysteries:

1. The Mrs Flood Mystery
2. The Susan Twist Mystery
3. The Mystery of The One Who Waits
4. The Mystery of Ruby Sunday’s Mother(??) Parent
5. The Mystery of Ruby Sunday

And here are my thoughts and theories on each of them (as well as fourth-wall breaks, and theories I do not like):
Mrs Flood:

1. She is Susan. I believe that ‘Susan’ Twist is a red herring, and Susan deserves her return. The fact that Ruby mentioned that she would be living in her time makes me even more sure, especially considering Ruby’s tendency to make things ‘happen’ - Strictly, Star Trek - more on that later.
2. She is River Song. A huge jump in likelihood, because I do believe her story is over, but you never know, and I don’t think I would be complaining about her return particularly. We don’t know Mrs Flood’s first name, which might be for a reason. Melody Pond, River Song and then xxxx Flood.
3. She is the One Who Waits. I’m going to probably say this about everyone but… idk what else to say. sHe’S tHe RaNi!!!11!!

Susan Twist:

1. She is the One Who Waits/part of the Pantheon of Gods. It just seems likely.
2. She is Ruby/Ruby’s mother. Seems the least likely, but in that case it would be a situation of ‘watching over’ Ruby in a way, but Susan Twist looks nothing like Ruby, so very unlikely.
3. She is no one/a spy. This works well for my first point regarding Ruby’s parent, but I think she might be a spy for The Trickster to keep an eye on the DoctoRuby. They could also be the same thing as the ‘Bad Wolf’, ‘Torchwood’ and ‘Vote Saxon’ - they don’t make sense until the finale, she might not make sense until the finale.

The One Who Waits:

1. Obviously one of the pantheon of Gods - I do believe the most powerful.
2. Probably Ruby’s mother, or someone related to Ruby.
3. We don’t know who they are yet. Some new guy. Hoping any one of these.

Ruby’s Parent:

1. THE TRICKSTER FROM THE SARAH JANE ADVENTURES! The hood and cloak are the same, the desolate London is so similar and the theme when Maria has The Trickster’s box in her bed and when Ruby was hoisted into the air is the same - please just search on youtube, it will probably be there. Plus, The Trickster would work well with the Pantheon of Gods - the Gods of CHAOS - what The Trickster thrives on.
2. A powerful being from the Gods of Chaos - an evil thing, the One Who Waits.
3. Someone the Doctor may recognise - though I doubt it somehow.

Ruby:

1. The daughter of one of the Gods of Chaos - you cannot deny her powers, in terms of the snow, mentioning things and then they exist - she mentions the Butterfly Effect- it happens. She mentions Star Trek in Space Babies, and the crew are dressed in uniforms eerily similar to the Star Trek ones. She mentions Strictly - who come but Johannes and Shirley from Strictly.
2. A supernatural entity - like a changeling, or something like that. The DNA scan said she was human, but it was only 70% done - that might be foreshadowing something - in terms that she is not human. In The Wild Blue Yonder, The Doctor let superstition come in - maybe he also let Ruby in.
3. A bad guy. One of the Gods of Chaos, the One Who Waits. Getting close to The Doctor all this time… maybe this won’t even be revealed until series 15. That would be great in my opinion honestly!

The last episode - ‘The Legend of Ruby Sunday’ makes me believe that she is older than she is. It is not the story, it is the legend - the Google definition being ‘a traditional story sometimes popularly regarded as historical but not authenticated. Not a word being used for a 19-year-old girl from Manchester, methinks.
Fourth-wall breaks: The Legend of Ruby Sunday seems to be based on a TV show - now we get to the ‘Doctor Who’ is a TV show in ‘Doctor Who’ - e.g. The Doctor can hear the non-diegetic music. I think this is a great idea. (I have written a fan-fiction about this 2 years ago hehe).
I DO NOT think these theories are true:

1. The Doctor is Ruby’s parent. Nope. Too obvious, lazy and just plain weird.
2. Ruby is Ruby’s parent?? Weird and impossible. Very very timey-wimey.
3. The Master is returning - I don’t think they are this series - keep in mind that we only last saw them 6 episodes as of now (after Boom - not counting The Tooth).

THANK YOU READING IF YOU’VE READ ALL OF THIS!!!

Hello /AnimeFigures, and welcome again to the Bootleg Megathread!
Please use this thread to post any and all questions you might have regarding counterfeit figures. This includes questions such as “Is my figure a bootleg?” and “Can I trust this seller?”.
Remember to be as detailed as possible when asking for help. Provide clear pictures (ideally, multiple) or a link to the item you’re looking to buy, depending on what you’re asking. Let us know why you think this might be a bootleg, or why you don’t trust this seller. Also keep in mind that different types of figures vary in quality. For example, a prize figure won't have the same level of detail or quality as a scaled figure.
As bootlegs are a serious problem for anyone who enjoys collecting, we are also happy to provide you with a few tips to spotting them yourselves. We encourage you guys to practice these tips before posting here.

For figures you already have:

• Examine your retailer. Are they known to sell counterfeits? Keep in mind that all retailers on the sidebar are approved by /AnimeFigures, and do not sell bootlegs.
  
• Was the price far lower then the current average?
  
• Check MFC for known counterfeits. If a figure has any there will be red text indicating so on that figure’s listing. Click on the red text to see pictures of the bootleg.
  
• Compare yours to the counterfeit and the user pictures- Do not compare yours to the prototype. (Comparison tip: Start with the hair. I usually find that the be the easiest place to spot differences!)
  
• Look for poor quality paint jobs, materials, or sculpt work (lots of "coloring outside the lines", shiny skin, missing textures or gradients, ect).
  
• Examine the box. Some bootleg boxes are very easy to spot, and some- not so much. Look for a holo sticker of authenticity.
  

Past Bootleg Megathreads can be found here, for reference only. Please be sure to only post in the current one.

For figures you're looking to buy:

General Tips:

• Examine your retailer. Are they known to sell counterfeits? Keep in mind that all retailers on the sidebar are approved by /AnimeFigures, and do not sell bootlegs.
  
• Is the price far lower then the current average?
  
• Check item descriptions carefully. Bootlegs may be listed under fake brands rather than the known manufacturer. They may also contain descriptions like "China version" to avoid admitting that they are fake; similar weasel-word terms include "hand-made" (and its often-associated "item size may vary") and "colors may differ on your screen".
  
• Check MFC for a shop review listing.
  

Ebay Checklist:

1. Price.

• Again. Seriously, have I mentioned that yet? Insanely low prices should be throwing up some serious alert signals.

2. Look for pictures of the actual product, that the seller took.

• A lot of sellers like to list their items with the official photos put out by the manufacturer. Check MFC if you're unsure of what you’re looking at. If the pictures under "official" on MFC are the same as the ones on eBay, then they were not taken by the seller. Some sellers are just lazy and don't want to take pictures for every listing, but some use that as a trick to make you think you're getting an official item, when you're really going to get a bootleg.
• When in doubt, ask the seller for pictures of the actual product. If they ignore you, or say they can't do that, move on to a different listing.

3. Check their feedback.

• Look specifically for feedback where the buyer received a bootleg. This is usually going to be in the "negative feedback" section.

4. Check where it ships from.

• eBay is really good about letting you know where an item is shipping from. If it ships from China, that's a bad sign.

Frequently Asked Bootleg Questions:

1. Is AliExpress a good website to buy from?

• No, stay away from AliExpress. As far as figures are concerned, they only sell bootlegs.

2. How about Wish? And Mercari?

• Wish appears to be nearly as bad as AliExpress in terms of bootleg frequency. User reports from Mercari depict a wide range of scenarios, with good sellers mixed in with people egregiously marking up their merchandise and more than a few bootlegs. Use with caution.

3. Is Amazon.com a good source for figures?

• The increased use of the practice of commingling inventory has led to an increase in the amount of counterfeit merchandise appearing on Amazon. This increases the possibility of receiving a bootleg from them even if the seller appears to be otherwise trustworthy (even for "shipped and sold by Amazon.com"), and should be considered a reason to avoid them if possible. If one does choose to buy figures on Amazon, particularly with third-party sellers, apply the same criteria for price, seller photos, and deceptive descriptions as one would for a seller anywhere else, though the commingling issue will remain unless the item's path to the buyer is specified. Amazon listings may copy images and descriptive text from other sites. Be particularly careful to check that the company in the "Brand" line matches the item's official producer, and watch for questionable text as mentioned above.

4. My Nintendo nendoroid/Figma has a white, square sticker, rather then the shiny oval one that can be found in the official pictures on MFC. Does that mean I have a bootleg?

• No, the square sticker is also legitimate.

A Related Topic:

• People often ask about the legitimacy and/or safety of a number of websites which sell large resin statues. The more commonly-asked of those deal primarily in resins from studios which do not have a license from the Japanese IP holders to produce merchandise. Therefore links to those sites are not permitted here. Another indicator is if MyFigureCollection doesn't list the either the statue, its manufacturer, or the shop it's being sold on. While MFC does not list every legitimate item for various reasons, it does reject unlicensed ones. __________________________

Past Bootleg Megathreads can be found here, for reference only. Please be sure to only post in the current one.
Thanks TychoRC for creating this guide and helping answer questions!

My last post here was me talking about how there is no difference in the Zippo vs Ronsonol lighter fluid formulae according to their MSDS.
So here is my take on the comparison. I thought I'd just start a new post since that discussion went on for a while. This one's for you, TCSpeedy:
There's good and bad news. Good news is that I got my lazy ass off my couch to the local Walmart to grab some Ronsonol.
For me, Ronsonol feels essentially the same as the regular Zippo lighter fluid. The flame burns well and is quick to light (I've never experienced any problems, even minor, with the Zippo brand fluid).
The bad news, however, is that the Zippo fluid feels identical to the Ronsonol counterpart. Ronsonol is cheaper, and unless you need the metal container that a Zippo fluid has, there isn't a point in getting a Zippo can of fluid anymore.
That's just my take though, maybe someone else notices a difference. I quit smoking, so I am unable as of now to give a take on the flavor comparison.

TL:DR: facing mental health, issues due to emotionally, immature, controlling narcissistic mother, who crosses constant boundaries when texting me and harasses me every day about my whereabouts, why I’m not texting back fast enough, etc. Pushes family relationships on to me when I said many times I have no interest in it. She has major emotionally immature breakdown/episodes because she doesn’t get her way which involves slamming things throwing things yelling, screaming verbally, abuse in all aspects , manipulating gaslighting guilt tripping.
—— Full story:
My life went downhill in March, stemming from toxic relationship stuff, ndad being thrown into the hospital. I don’t care about my ndad, I don’t have a relationship with him so that didn’t affect me but it affected my Nmom CLEARLY. She went berserk in the last two weeks of March my life was hell living with her. She’s already a slob, but her slob behavior got even worse, and I didn’t even think that was possible. I don’t feel any remorse or empathy for her based on her abuse towards me so if anything she deserves to feel this way, but she’s trying to drag me into her despair or whatever the hell she’s feeling. It’s obviously self motivated and selfish-like. She was blowing up my phone constantly and it didn’t stop there.
Once April hit I was bombarded with my nmoms extremely obsessive, overbearing harassment messages towards me on text. To explain what the messages contained, it was mainly my family, my ndad herself and I don’t care about either. It’s a 50-50 50s type thing, 50% of the messages would always be about my narcissistic family members and her constant constant push behavior of her, wanting me to maintain communication with all of them after I cut them all out because they’re quite literally a flying monkey and her right hand, man I don’t trust any of my family members because they all work for her! No one comes into my life and my family wanting to know me genuinely they’re always coming into my life with an agenda that my narcissistic mother gave them to get from me. They’re always coming to me to get something from me to give it to my narcissistic mother. does that make sense? The other 50% is her talking about herself all the time, I can’t say for certain what those messages contain because if I’m being honest, I never look at those messages. The other 50% is her blabbing about my narcissistic father who is in the hospital with a big sob story about how I’m his daughter and this makes me a terrible daughter, a selfish daughter, a disrespectful daughter, completely annihilating all of my reasons why. I’ve told her plenty of times that I do not want to see him, but she doesn’t quit. She keeps pushing and going over my boundaries. I’ve said “i do not wanna see my father because of XYZ “ but she still defends him nonetheless because “he’s my father” as if that’s a good enough excuse for his abusive behavior. IT IS EXTREMELY OVERWHELMING.
Everyone is an enabler to her and a flying monkey to her. That entire month she was absolutely milking all of the energy out of me, i was drained.* Depleted. what she did was selfishly done. She’s selfish. She doesn’t respect any of the boundaries I lay out with not wanting to see my narcissistic, abusive father in the hospital. Not to mention all these crazy realizations I was having about my Nmom as a person. It was all too much. Every second of the day was of my Nmom blowing up my phone asking where was I after I told her 5 mins ago. It was constant. It was barbaric. I had to lie a lot of the time because I was at work and she couldn’t know bc she would be after my money. It’s just extremely exhausting having to be in constant commciation with her. She started asking me stupid fucking questions like “are you home” when she literally bought a ring camera and yet she asks me that😐😑I feel like that’s pure incompetence and laziness or to be a complete asshole. 99% of the time she’ll sneak in a couple of other messages I didn’t see and I’ll go hours without looking at it. When I finally reply back it’s another slurry of angry messages and its SO bizarre to me at how ANGRY she gets over it. I practically have no autonomy. It’s always about her, her needs, and then comes the gaslighting, guilt tripping, the manipulation when she doesn’t get her way and it’s all of the time because I am putting my distance between her. Space isn’t a thing in her category. I can’t ask for space when it comes to my narcissistic mother. She doesn’t believe I deserve space because I live with her. It’s just constant “I DONT deserve XYZ.” an example of many is: I don’t space. I don’t deserve autonomy. I don’t deserve privacy. I don’t deserve respect. I don’t even deserve space and privacy when it comes to my own fucking phone that I pay for. What makes it worse is that she can’t understand she’s NOT a victim. She’s not an innocent mother who had her children go no contact with her. But she likes to believe She’s a innocent mother who doesn’t deserve this so-called “ disrespect” as she likes to call it. It’s just constant victim blaming on herself. it’s so overwhelming, there’s just so much going on in one day in a single chat!!!! i can’t have one day where I’m outside, enjoying the sun or hanging out with friends where I don’t have to look at my phone because she’s always blowing it up asking where I am. What am I doing? Why am I not texting back? My favorite being “why do I do this to her?” I’m not doing ANYTHING. You might be thinking I don’t text my narcissistic mother back at all, but I DO EVENTUALLY reply to every single message. And it’s always within the day they’re sent. It’s just my response time that it makes her go over the cliff about. I feel like THAT PART is extra and controlling. I would literally send her a message saying that I’m out/i’m busy at/i’m xyz and she’ll still blow up my phone and get mad when I don’t text back! I FEEL LIKE SHES PURPOSELY DOING THIS TO START FIGHTS WITH ME.
Her spamming and harassment doesn’t end here. It’s already too much for me but it’s not enough conflict for her I guess. She comes home, screaming, yelling, stomping, slamming, throwing things and she does with complete confidence because she genuinely believes she’s in the right to be acting like this. It’s very very very emotionally and mentally draining to come home from a good day after shopping or hanging with friends to have my narcissistic mother screaming at me when she comes home from work. Every time she comes home she’s always having some sort of tantrum and meltdown so I lockmyself in the bathroom because it’s the only door in the house I had to lock that would protect me from her. This is all because I simply didn’t text back fast enough! Sometimes she barges into my room, screaming at me, yelling at me for hours verbally abusing me, ridicule me,calls me names no mother should ever call her daughter. It’s very very very emotionally immature and honestly terrible because she has no business being a mother. She wants every ounce of my attention she can get even and I’m in the middle of something important like taking a test in school or at the interview she doesn’t care. Even when she knows if I’ll be busy that day and I can come back late. She’ll still be upset. She’ll always be upset. There’s nothing I can do to not make her be mad. It’s really exhausting having to constantly anticipate her meltdowns.
—- How this has been affecting me mentally:
Now to explain the effects this all has on me as I literally felt the dire need to talk to my doctor about it, I can feel the difference within myself, I’m not myself anymore. I feel like the constant stress and the roller coaster emotions from a narcissistic mother and her constant bombard man and harassment has just fucked me over. I don’t feel okay if that makes sense? I don’t like this new person I am and it’s just so loud in my head. It’s so overwhelming I can’t think at all. One night I was trying to go sleep and my mind was racing like crazy as if it was doing it on its own and I couldn’t control it. It was SO LOUD. I felt mentally odd? My brain feels so disorganized, cloudy and loud now. I don’t feel like myself anymore, I used to but I’m not sure what’s going on with me. I didn’t change anything about myself. It was all external based being other people. My mind feels like a huge bookshelf that toppled down and it’s a scattered mess. It feels like there’s thoughts within thoughts within thoughts replaying in my head over each other. There’s just so much stuff going on in my brain. It’s all the stress my Nmom has caused me. My brain feels mush. I’m not sure what type of mental issues I’m facing, there’s just so much stress an it’s impacting the way I feel mentally. I feel like I am overdosing on stress and it’s fucking me up. I can’t even think straight anymore, the way I type isn’t the same anymore. I can’t enjoy my hobbies anymore because my mind is so loud. I have to get up and pace around because I can’t hear anything. It’s all a blur. I keep having to shake my head. It’s so strange. I never scoring this before. .
I’m not sure if i’m experiencing mental exhausting but it doesn’t feel like that. It feels complex? My brain is just so scrambled. I keep having to close my eyes to “quiet” it but it doesn’t work. I haven’t been on my meds for a abt 2 years which are for my hormones, I just got back back on them 4 days ago and I feel okay for about an hour as my mind gets quiet but it gets loud again. I was fine all these years without my meds until March, until my Nmom was suffocating me. Even after I took my meds I still don’t feel better. I still feel the same way i’ve been feeling since March ever since this all started.

at me.pepperbell.continuity.impl.client.ProcessingContextImpl.(ProcessingContextImpl.java:18) at me.pepperbell.continuity.client.model.CtmBakedModel$CtmQuadTransform.(CtmBakedModel.java:86) at me.pepperbell.continuity.client.model.ModelObjectsContainer.(ModelObjectsContainer.java:10) at java.base/java.lang.ThreadLocal$SuppliedThreadLocal.initialValue(ThreadLocal.java:305) at java.base/java.lang.ThreadLocal.setInitialValue(ThreadLocal.java:195) at java.base/java.lang.ThreadLocal.get(ThreadLocal.java:172) at me.pepperbell.continuity.client.model.ModelObjectsContainer.get(ModelObjectsContainer.java:18) at me.pepperbell.continuity.impl.client.ContinuityFeatureStatesImpl.get(ContinuityFeatureStatesImpl.java:16) at me.pepperbell.continuity.api.client.ContinuityFeatureStates.get(ContinuityFeatureStates.java:10) at net.minecraft.class\_901.handler$zjd000$continuity$beforeRenderModel(class\_901.java:515) at net.minecraft.class\_901.method\_3965(class\_901.java:45) at net.minecraft.class\_901.method\_3936(class\_901.java:17) at net.minecraft.class\_898.method\_3954(class\_898.java:145) at net.minecraft.class\_761.method\_22977(class\_761.java:1574) at net.minecraft.class\_761.method\_22710(class\_761.java:1324) at net.minecraft.class\_757.method\_3188(class\_757.java:1110) at net.minecraft.class\_757.method\_3192(class\_757.java:880) at net.minecraft.class\_310.method\_1523(class\_310.java:1219) at net.minecraft.class\_310.method\_1514(class\_310.java:802) at net.minecraft.client.main.Main.main(Main.java:250) at net.fabricmc.loader.impl.game.minecraft.MinecraftGameProvider.launch(MinecraftGameProvider.java:470) at net.fabricmc.loader.impl.launch.knot.Knot.launch(Knot.java:74) at net.fabricmc.loader.impl.launch.knot.KnotClient.main(KnotClient.java:23) 

at me.pepperbell.continuity.impl.client.ProcessingContextImpl.(ProcessingContextImpl.java:18) at me.pepperbell.continuity.client.model.CtmBakedModel$CtmQuadTransform.(CtmBakedModel.java:86) at me.pepperbell.continuity.client.model.ModelObjectsContainer.(ModelObjectsContainer.java:10) at java.base/java.lang.ThreadLocal$SuppliedThreadLocal.initialValue(ThreadLocal.java:305) at java.base/java.lang.ThreadLocal.setInitialValue(ThreadLocal.java:195) at java.base/java.lang.ThreadLocal.get(ThreadLocal.java:172) at me.pepperbell.continuity.client.model.ModelObjectsContainer.get(ModelObjectsContainer.java:18) at me.pepperbell.continuity.impl.client.ContinuityFeatureStatesImpl.get(ContinuityFeatureStatesImpl.java:16) at me.pepperbell.continuity.api.client.ContinuityFeatureStates.get(ContinuityFeatureStates.java:10) at net.minecraft.class\_901.handler$zjd000$continuity$beforeRenderModel(class\_901.java:515) at net.minecraft.class\_901.method\_3965(class\_901.java:45) at net.minecraft.class\_901.method\_3936(class\_901.java:17) at net.minecraft.class\_898.method\_3954(class\_898.java:145) at net.minecraft.class\_761.method\_22977(class\_761.java:1574) at net.minecraft.class\_761.method\_22710(class\_761.java:1324) at net.minecraft.class\_757.method\_3188(class\_757.java:1110) 

Entity Type: minecraft:falling\_block (net.minecraft.class\_1540) Entity ID: 177 Entity Name: Fallender Sand Entity's Exact location: 696.50, 59.76, -1226.50 Entity's Block location: World: (696,59,-1227), Section: (at 8,11,5 in 43,3,-77; chunk contains blocks 688,-64,-1232 to 703,319,-1217), Region: (1,-3; contains chunks 32,-96 to 63,-65, blocks 512,-64,-1536 to 1023,319,-1025) Entity's Momentum: 0.00, -0.12, 0.00 Entity's Passengers: \[\] Entity's Vehicle: null Entity NBT: {Air:300s,BalmData:{},BlockState:{Name:"minecraft:sand"},CancelDrop:0b,DropItem:1b,FallDistance:0.0f,FallHurtAmount:0.0f,FallHurtMax:40,Fire:-1s,HurtEntities:0b,Invulnerable:0b,Motion:\[0.0d,-0.11525d,0.0d\],OnGround:0b,PortalCooldown:0,Pos:\[696.5d,59.763184d,-1226.5d\],Rotation:\[0.0f,0.0f\],Time:0,UUID:\[I;-1978642436,-218346537,-1680456165,610386004\]} Immitating BlockState: Block{minecraft:sand} 

at net.minecraft.class\_898.method\_3954(class\_898.java:145) at net.minecraft.class\_761.method\_22977(class\_761.java:1574) at net.minecraft.class\_761.method\_22710(class\_761.java:1324) at net.minecraft.class\_757.method\_3188(class\_757.java:1110) at net.minecraft.class\_757.method\_3192(class\_757.java:880) at net.minecraft.class\_310.method\_1523(class\_310.java:1219) at net.minecraft.class\_310.method\_1514(class\_310.java:802) at net.minecraft.client.main.Main.main(Main.java:250) at net.fabricmc.loader.impl.game.minecraft.MinecraftGameProvider.launch(MinecraftGameProvider.java:470) at net.fabricmc.loader.impl.launch.knot.Knot.launch(Knot.java:74) at net.fabricmc.loader.impl.launch.knot.KnotClient.main(KnotClient.java:23) 

Assigned renderer: net.minecraft.class\_901@fc13ad9 Location: 33.79,-136.24,-69.20 - World: (33,-137,-70), Section: (at 1,7,10 in 2,-9,-5; chunk contains blocks 32,-64,-80 to 47,319,-65), Region: (0,-1; contains chunks 0,-32 to 31,-1, blocks 0,-64,-512 to 511,319,-1) Rotation: 0.0 Delta: 0.5199958 

at net.minecraft.class\_898.method\_3954(class\_898.java:145) at net.minecraft.class\_761.method\_22977(class\_761.java:1574) at net.minecraft.class\_761.method\_22710(class\_761.java:1324) at net.minecraft.class\_757.method\_3188(class\_757.java:1110) at net.minecraft.class\_757.method\_3192(class\_757.java:880) at net.minecraft.class\_310.method\_1523(class\_310.java:1219) at net.minecraft.class\_310.method\_1514(class\_310.java:802) at net.minecraft.client.main.Main.main(Main.java:250) at net.fabricmc.loader.impl.game.minecraft.MinecraftGameProvider.launch(MinecraftGameProvider.java:470) at net.fabricmc.loader.impl.launch.knot.Knot.launch(Knot.java:74) at net.fabricmc.loader.impl.launch.knot.KnotClient.main(KnotClient.java:23) 

All players: 1 total; \[class\_746\['Creeperkimon'/135, l='ClientLevel', x=662.71, y=194.39, z=-1157.30\]\] Chunk stats: 16384, 179 F: 237 L: 261362 U: 0 Level dimension: minecraft:overworld Level spawn location: World: (0,116,0), Section: (at 0,4,0 in 0,7,0; chunk contains blocks 0,-64,0 to 15,319,15), Region: (0,0; contains chunks 0,0 to 31,31, blocks 0,-64,0 to 511,319,511) Level time: 6759 game time, 6759 day time Server brand: fabric Server type: Integrated singleplayer server 

at net.minecraft.class\_638.method\_8538(class\_638.java:458) at net.minecraft.class\_310.method\_1587(class\_310.java:2406) at net.minecraft.class\_310.method\_1514(class\_310.java:821) at net.minecraft.client.main.Main.main(Main.java:250) at net.fabricmc.loader.impl.game.minecraft.MinecraftGameProvider.launch(MinecraftGameProvider.java:470) at net.fabricmc.loader.impl.launch.knot.Knot.launch(Knot.java:74) at net.fabricmc.loader.impl.launch.knot.KnotClient.main(KnotClient.java:23) 

Reload number: 1 Reload reason: initial Finished: Yes Packs: vanilla, fabric, Moonlight Mods Dynamic Assets, continuity:default, continuity:glass\_pane\_culling\_fix, file/Fullbright-UB-1.21-Beta.2.zip, presencefootsteps:default\_sound\_pack 

Minecraft Version: 1.20.1 Minecraft Version ID: 1.20.1 Operating System: Windows 11 (amd64) version 10.0 Java Version: 17.0.8, Microsoft Java VM Version: OpenJDK 64-Bit Server VM (mixed mode), Microsoft Memory: 2494133328 bytes (2378 MiB) / 4714397696 bytes (4496 MiB) up to 10536091648 bytes (10048 MiB) CPUs: 16 Processor Vendor: GenuineIntel Processor Name: Intel(R) Core(TM) i7-10870H CPU @ 2.20GHz Identifier: Intel64 Family 6 Model 165 Stepping 2 Microarchitecture: unknown Frequency (GHz): 2.21 Number of physical packages: 1 Number of physical CPUs: 8 Number of logical CPUs: 16 Graphics card #0 name: Intel(R) UHD Graphics Graphics card #0 vendor: Intel Corporation (0x8086) Graphics card #0 VRAM (MB): 1024.00 Graphics card #0 deviceId: 0x9bc4 Graphics card #0 versionInfo: DriverVersion=31.0.101.2111 Graphics card #1 name: NVIDIA GeForce RTX 3060 Laptop GPU Graphics card #1 vendor: NVIDIA (0x10de) Graphics card #1 VRAM (MB): 4095.00 Graphics card #1 deviceId: 0x2520 Graphics card #1 versionInfo: DriverVersion=31.0.15.5244 Memory slot #0 capacity (MB): 8192.00 Memory slot #0 clockSpeed (GHz): 3.20 Memory slot #0 type: DDR4 Memory slot #1 capacity (MB): 8192.00 Memory slot #1 clockSpeed (GHz): 3.20 Memory slot #1 type: DDR4 Virtual memory max (MB): 26951.04 Virtual memory used (MB): 21058.25 Swap memory total (MB): 10752.00 Swap memory used (MB): 601.38 JVM Flags: 4 total; -XX:HeapDumpPath=MojangTricksIntelDriversForPerformance\_javaw.exe\_minecraft.exe.heapdump -Xss1M -Xmx10048m -Xms256m Fabric Mods: advancementinfo: AdvancementInfo 1.20-fabric0.83.0-1.4 appleskin: AppleSkin 2.5.1+mc1.20 architectury: Architectury 9.2.14 armorchroma: Armor Chroma 1.2.6 balm-fabric: Balm 7.2.2 betteradvancements: Better Advancements [0.3.2.161](http://0.3.2.161) betterf3: BetterF3 7.0.2 betterstats: Better Statistics Screen 3.9.7+fabric-1.20.1 tcdcommons: TCD Commons API 3.9.6+fabric-1.20.1 bobby: Bobby 5.0.1 com\_typesafe\_config: config 1.4.2 io\_leangen\_geantyref\_geantyref: geantyref 1.3.13 org\_spongepowered\_configurate-core: configurate-core 4.1.2 org\_spongepowered\_configurate-hocon: configurate-hocon 4.1.2 borderlessmining: Borderless Mining 1.1.8+1.20.1 chat\_heads: Chat Heads 0.12.2 cleardespawn: Clear Despawn 1.1.12 cloth-config: Cloth Config v11 11.1.118 cloth-basic-math: cloth-basic-math 0.6.1 continuity: Continuity 3.0.0-beta.5+1.20.1 controlling: Controlling For Fabric 12.0.1 fabric-api: Fabric API 0.92.1+1.20.1 fabric-api-base: Fabric API Base 0.4.31+1802ada577 fabric-api-lookup-api-v1: Fabric API Lookup API (v1) 1.6.36+1802ada577 fabric-biome-api-v1: Fabric Biome API (v1) 13.0.13+1802ada577 fabric-block-api-v1: Fabric Block API (v1) 1.0.11+1802ada577 fabric-block-view-api-v2: Fabric BlockView API (v2) 1.0.1+1802ada577 fabric-blockrenderlayer-v1: Fabric BlockRenderLayer Registration (v1) 1.1.41+1802ada577 fabric-client-tags-api-v1: Fabric Client Tags 1.1.2+1802ada577 fabric-command-api-v1: Fabric Command API (v1) 1.2.34+f71b366f77 fabric-command-api-v2: Fabric Command API (v2) 2.2.13+1802ada577 fabric-commands-v0: Fabric Commands (v0) 0.2.51+df3654b377 fabric-containers-v0: Fabric Containers (v0) 0.1.64+df3654b377 fabric-content-registries-v0: Fabric Content Registries (v0) 4.0.11+1802ada577 fabric-convention-tags-v1: Fabric Convention Tags 1.5.5+1802ada577 fabric-crash-report-info-v1: Fabric Crash Report Info (v1) 0.2.19+1802ada577 fabric-data-attachment-api-v1: Fabric Data Attachment API (v1) 1.0.0+de0fd6d177 fabric-data-generation-api-v1: Fabric Data Generation API (v1) 12.3.4+1802ada577 fabric-dimensions-v1: Fabric Dimensions API (v1) 2.1.54+1802ada577 fabric-entity-events-v1: Fabric Entity Events (v1) 1.6.0+1c78457f77 fabric-events-interaction-v0: Fabric Events Interaction (v0) 0.6.2+1802ada577 fabric-events-lifecycle-v0: Fabric Events Lifecycle (v0) 0.2.63+df3654b377 fabric-game-rule-api-v1: Fabric Game Rule API (v1) 1.0.40+1802ada577 fabric-item-api-v1: Fabric Item API (v1) 2.1.28+1802ada577 fabric-item-group-api-v1: Fabric Item Group API (v1) 4.0.12+1802ada577 fabric-key-binding-api-v1: Fabric Key Binding API (v1) 1.0.37+1802ada577 fabric-keybindings-v0: Fabric Key Bindings (v0) 0.2.35+df3654b377 fabric-lifecycle-events-v1: Fabric Lifecycle Events (v1) 2.2.22+1802ada577 fabric-loot-api-v2: Fabric Loot API (v2) 1.2.1+1802ada577 fabric-loot-tables-v1: Fabric Loot Tables (v1) 1.1.45+9e7660c677 fabric-message-api-v1: Fabric Message API (v1) 5.1.9+1802ada577 fabric-mining-level-api-v1: Fabric Mining Level API (v1) 2.1.50+1802ada577 fabric-model-loading-api-v1: Fabric Model Loading API (v1) 1.0.3+1802ada577 fabric-models-v0: Fabric Models (v0) 0.4.2+9386d8a777 fabric-networking-api-v1: Fabric Networking API (v1) 1.3.11+1802ada577 fabric-networking-v0: Fabric Networking (v0) 0.3.51+df3654b377 fabric-object-builder-api-v1: Fabric Object Builder API (v1) 11.1.3+1802ada577 fabric-particles-v1: Fabric Particles (v1) 1.1.2+1802ada577 fabric-recipe-api-v1: Fabric Recipe API (v1) 1.0.21+1802ada577 fabric-registry-sync-v0: Fabric Registry Sync (v0) 2.3.3+1802ada577 fabric-renderer-api-v1: Fabric Renderer API (v1) 3.2.1+1802ada577 fabric-renderer-indigo: Fabric Renderer - Indigo 1.5.1+1802ada577 fabric-renderer-registries-v1: Fabric Renderer Registries (v1) 3.2.46+df3654b377 fabric-rendering-data-attachment-v1: Fabric Rendering Data Attachment (v1) 0.3.37+92a0d36777 fabric-rendering-fluids-v1: Fabric Rendering Fluids (v1) 3.0.28+1802ada577 fabric-rendering-v0: Fabric Rendering (v0) 1.1.49+df3654b377 fabric-rendering-v1: Fabric Rendering (v1) 3.0.8+1802ada577 fabric-resource-conditions-api-v1: Fabric Resource Conditions API (v1) 2.3.8+1802ada577 fabric-resource-loader-v0: Fabric Resource Loader (v0) 0.11.10+1802ada577 fabric-screen-api-v1: Fabric Screen API (v1) 2.0.8+1802ada577 fabric-screen-handler-api-v1: Fabric Screen Handler API (v1) 1.3.30+1802ada577 fabric-sound-api-v1: Fabric Sound API (v1) 1.0.13+1802ada577 fabric-transfer-api-v1: Fabric Transfer API (v1) 3.3.5+8dd72ea377 fabric-transitive-access-wideners-v1: Fabric Transitive Access Wideners (v1) 4.3.1+1802ada577 fabric-language-kotlin: Fabric Language Kotlin 1.10.19+kotlin.1.9.23 org\_jetbrains\_kotlin\_kotlin-reflect: kotlin-reflect 1.9.23 org\_jetbrains\_kotlin\_kotlin-stdlib: kotlin-stdlib 1.9.23 org\_jetbrains\_kotlin\_kotlin-stdlib-jdk7: kotlin-stdlib-jdk7 1.9.23 org\_jetbrains\_kotlin\_kotlin-stdlib-jdk8: kotlin-stdlib-jdk8 1.9.23 org\_jetbrains\_kotlinx\_atomicfu-jvm: atomicfu-jvm 0.23.2 org\_jetbrains\_kotlinx\_kotlinx-coroutines-core-jvm: kotlinx-coroutines-core-jvm 1.8.0 org\_jetbrains\_kotlinx\_kotlinx-coroutines-jdk8: kotlinx-coroutines-jdk8 1.8.0 org\_jetbrains\_kotlinx\_kotlinx-datetime-jvm: kotlinx-datetime-jvm 0.5.0 org\_jetbrains\_kotlinx\_kotlinx-serialization-cbor-jvm: kotlinx-serialization-cbor-jvm 1.6.3 org\_jetbrains\_kotlinx\_kotlinx-serialization-core-jvm: kotlinx-serialization-core-jvm 1.6.3 org\_jetbrains\_kotlinx\_kotlinx-serialization-json-jvm: kotlinx-serialization-json-jvm 1.6.3 fabricloader: Fabric Loader 0.15.11 mixinextras: MixinExtras 0.3.5 freecam: Freecam 1.2.1+1.20 gravestones: Gravestones v1.15 iceberg: Iceberg 1.1.18 invmove: InvMove 0.8.4 iris: Iris 1.7.0+mc1.20.1 io\_github\_douira\_glsl-transformer: glsl-transformer 2.0.0-pre13 org\_anarres\_jcpp: jcpp 1.4.14 org\_antlr\_antlr4-runtime: antlr4-runtime 4.11.1 java: OpenJDK 64-Bit Server VM 17 kleeslabs: KleeSlabs 15.0.0 lambdynlights: LambDynamicLights 2.3.1+1.20.1 pride: Pride Lib 1.2.0+1.19.4 spruceui: SpruceUI 5.0.0+1.20 lazydfu: LazyDFU 0.1.3 lithium: Lithium 0.11.2 malilib: MaLiLib 0.16.3 minecraft: Minecraft 1.20.1 minihud: MiniHUD 0.27.0 modmenu: Mod Menu 7.2.2 moonlight: Moonlight 1.20-2.11.28 mousetweaks: Mouse Tweaks 2.26 mousewheelie: Mouse Wheelie 1.13.0+mc1.20.1 amecsapi: Amecs API 1.5.1+mc1.20-pre1 coat: Coat 1.0.0-beta.20+mc1.20-pre1 tweed4\_annotated: tweed4\_annotated 1.3.1+mc1.20-pre1 tweed4\_base: tweed4\_base 1.7.1+mc1.20-pre1 tweed4\_data: tweed4\_data 1.2.1+mc1.20-pre1 tweed4\_data\_hjson: tweed4\_data\_hjson 1.1.1+mc1.20-pre1 tweed4\_tailor\_coat: tweed4\_tailor\_coat 1.1.3+mc1.20-pre1 tweed4\_tailor\_lang\_json\_descriptions: tweed4\_tailor\_lang\_json\_descriptions 1.1.0+mc1.20-pre1 tweed4\_tailor\_screen: tweed4\_tailor\_screen 1.1.4+mc1.20-pre1 notenoughcrashes: Not Enough Crashes 4.4.6+1.20.1 nvidium: Nvidium 0.2.6-beta pathunderfencegates: Path Under Fence Gates 1.4.0+mc1.20.x polytone: Polytone 1.20-1.17.15 net\_objecthunter\_exp4j: exp4j 0.4.8 presencefootsteps: Presence Footsteps 1.9.4+1.20.1 kirin: Kirin UI 1.15.6+1.20.1 realisticsleep: Realistic Sleep 1.10.2+mc1.20-1.20.1 server\_translations\_api: Server Translations API 2.0.0+1.20 

 reeses-sodium-options: Reese's Sodium Options 1.7.2+mc1.20.1-build.101 searchables: Searchables 1.0.3 sit: Sit 1.20-24 sodium: Sodium 0.5.8+mc1.20.1 sodium-extra: Sodium Extra 0.5.4+mc1.20.1-build.115 caffeineconfig: CaffeineConfig 1.3.0+1.17 crowdin-translate: CrowdinTranslate 1.4+1.19.3 sound\_physics\_remastered: Sound Physics Remastered 1.20.1-1.3.1 spark: spark 1.10.53 fabric-permissions-api-v0: fabric-permissions-api 0.1-SNAPSHOT statuseffecttimer: Status Effect Timer 1.2.0+1.20 tooltipfix: ToolTip Fix 1.1.1-1.20 tweakeroo: Tweakeroo 0.17.1 xaerominimap: Xaero's Minimap 24.1.1 xaeroworldmap: Xaero's World Map 1.38.4 yet\_another\_config\_lib\_v3: YetAnotherConfigLib 3.4.2+1.20.1-fabric com\_twelvemonkeys\_common\_common-image: common-image 3.10.0 com\_twelvemonkeys\_common\_common-io: common-io 3.10.0 com\_twelvemonkeys\_common\_common-lang: common-lang 3.10.0 com\_twelvemonkeys\_imageio\_imageio-core: imageio-core 3.10.0 com\_twelvemonkeys\_imageio\_imageio-metadata: imageio-metadata 3.10.0 com\_twelvemonkeys\_imageio\_imageio-webp: imageio-webp 3.10.0 org\_quiltmc\_parsers\_gson: gson 0.2.1 org\_quiltmc\_parsers\_json: json 0.2.1 zoomify: Zoomify 2.13.4+1.20.1 com\_akuleshov7\_ktoml-core-jvm: ktoml-core-jvm 0.5.1 dev\_isxander\_settxi\_settxi-core: settxi-core 2.10.6 dev\_isxander\_settxi\_settxi-kotlinx-serialization: settxi-kotlinx-serialization 2.10.6 Loaded Shaderpack: (off) Launched Version: fabric-loader-0.15.11-1.20.1 Backend library: LWJGL version 3.3.1 SNAPSHOT Backend API: NVIDIA GeForce RTX 3060 Laptop GPU/PCIe/SSE2 GL version 3.2.0 NVIDIA 552.44, NVIDIA Corporation Window size: 1920x1080 GL Caps: Using framebuffer using OpenGL 3.2 GL debug messages: Using VBOs: Yes Is Modded: Definitely; Client brand changed to 'fabric'; Server brand changed to 'fabric' Type: Integrated Server (map\_client.txt) Graphics mode: fancy Resource Packs: vanilla, fabric, Moonlight Mods Dynamic Assets, continuity:default, continuity:glass\_pane\_culling\_fix, file/Fullbright-UB-1.21-Beta.2.zip (incompatible), presencefootsteps:default\_sound\_pack Current Language: de\_de CPU: 16x Intel(R) Core(TM) i7-10870H CPU @ 2.20GHz Server Running: true Player Count: 1 / 8; \[class\_3222\['Creeperkimon'/135, l='ServerLevel\[Neue Welt\]', x=662.71, y=194.39, z=-1157.30\]\] Data Packs: vanilla, fabric, Moonlight Mods Dynamic Assets Enabled Feature Flags: minecraft:vanilla World Generation: Stable Client Crashes Since Restart: 1 Integrated Server Crashes Since Restart: 0 Suspected Mods: Continuity (continuity), Minecraft (minecraft), Fabric Loader (fabricloader) 

at net.irisshaders.batchedentityrendering.impl.ordering.GraphTranslucencyRenderOrderManager.startGroup(GraphTranslucencyRenderOrderManager.java:68) at net.irisshaders.batchedentityrendering.impl.FullyBufferedMultiBufferSource.startGroup(FullyBufferedMultiBufferSource.java:254) at net.minecraft.class\_761.handler$blf000$iris$batchedentityrendering$preRenderEntity(class\_761.java:3969) at net.minecraft.class\_761.method\_22710(class\_761.java:1324) at net.minecraft.class\_757.method\_3188(class\_757.java:1110) at net.minecraft.class\_757.method\_3192(class\_757.java:880) at net.minecraft.class\_310.method\_1523(class\_310.java:1219) at net.minecraft.class\_310.method\_1514(class\_310.java:802) at fudge.notenoughcrashes.mixinhandlers.InGameCatcher.handleClientCrash(InGameCatcher.java:37) at net.minecraft.class\_310.modify$cll000$notenoughcrashes$atTheEndOfFirstCatchBeforePrintingCrashReport(class\_310.java:15066) at net.minecraft.class\_310.method\_1514(class\_310.java:824) at net.minecraft.client.main.Main.main(Main.java:250) at net.fabricmc.loader.impl.game.minecraft.MinecraftGameProvider.launch(MinecraftGameProvider.java:470) at net.fabricmc.loader.impl.launch.knot.Knot.launch(Knot.java:74) at net.fabricmc.loader.impl.launch.knot.KnotClient.main(KnotClient.java:23) 

at net.irisshaders.batchedentityrendering.impl.ordering.GraphTranslucencyRenderOrderManager.startGroup(GraphTranslucencyRenderOrderManager.java:68) at net.irisshaders.batchedentityrendering.impl.FullyBufferedMultiBufferSource.startGroup(FullyBufferedMultiBufferSource.java:254) at net.minecraft.class\_761.handler$blf000$iris$batchedentityrendering$preRenderEntity(class\_761.java:3969) at net.minecraft.class\_761.method\_22710(class\_761.java:1324) at net.minecraft.class\_757.method\_3188(class\_757.java:1110) 

All players: 1 total; \[class\_746\['Creeperkimon'/470, l='ClientLevel', x=662.17, y=194.39, z=-1156.94\]\] Chunk stats: 16384, 133 F: 0 L: 263035 U: 0 Level dimension: minecraft:overworld Level spawn location: World: (0,116,0), Section: (at 0,4,0 in 0,7,0; chunk contains blocks 0,-64,0 to 15,319,15), Region: (0,0; contains chunks 0,0 to 31,31, blocks 0,-64,0 to 511,319,511) Level time: 6808 game time, 6808 day time Server brand: fabric Server type: Integrated singleplayer server 

at net.minecraft.class\_638.method\_8538(class\_638.java:458) at net.minecraft.class\_310.method\_1587(class\_310.java:2406) at net.minecraft.class\_310.method\_1514(class\_310.java:826) at fudge.notenoughcrashes.mixinhandlers.InGameCatcher.handleClientCrash(InGameCatcher.java:37) at net.minecraft.class\_310.modify$cll000$notenoughcrashes$atTheEndOfFirstCatchBeforePrintingCrashReport(class\_310.java:15066) at net.minecraft.class\_310.method\_1514(class\_310.java:824) at net.minecraft.client.main.Main.main(Main.java:250) at net.fabricmc.loader.impl.game.minecraft.MinecraftGameProvider.launch(MinecraftGameProvider.java:470) at net.fabricmc.loader.impl.launch.knot.Knot.launch(Knot.java:74) at net.fabricmc.loader.impl.launch.knot.KnotClient.main(KnotClient.java:23) 

Reload number: 1 Reload reason: initial Finished: Yes Packs: vanilla, fabric, Moonlight Mods Dynamic Assets, continuity:default, continuity:glass\_pane\_culling\_fix, file/Fullbright-UB-1.21-Beta.2.zip, presencefootsteps:default\_sound\_pack 

Minecraft Version: 1.20.1 Minecraft Version ID: 1.20.1 Operating System: Windows 11 (amd64) version 10.0 Java Version: 17.0.8, Microsoft Java VM Version: OpenJDK 64-Bit Server VM (mixed mode), Microsoft Memory: 2831437592 bytes (2700 MiB) / 4253024256 bytes (4056 MiB) up to 10536091648 bytes (10048 MiB) CPUs: 16 Processor Vendor: GenuineIntel Processor Name: Intel(R) Core(TM) i7-10870H CPU @ 2.20GHz Identifier: Intel64 Family 6 Model 165 Stepping 2 Microarchitecture: unknown Frequency (GHz): 2.21 Number of physical packages: 1 Number of physical CPUs: 8 Number of logical CPUs: 16 Graphics card #0 name: Intel(R) UHD Graphics Graphics card #0 vendor: Intel Corporation (0x8086) Graphics card #0 VRAM (MB): 1024.00 Graphics card #0 deviceId: 0x9bc4 Graphics card #0 versionInfo: DriverVersion=31.0.101.2111 Graphics card #1 name: NVIDIA GeForce RTX 3060 Laptop GPU Graphics card #1 vendor: NVIDIA (0x10de) Graphics card #1 VRAM (MB): 4095.00 Graphics card #1 deviceId: 0x2520 Graphics card #1 versionInfo: DriverVersion=31.0.15.5244 Memory slot #0 capacity (MB): 8192.00 Memory slot #0 clockSpeed (GHz): 3.20 Memory slot #0 type: DDR4 Memory slot #1 capacity (MB): 8192.00 Memory slot #1 clockSpeed (GHz): 3.20 Memory slot #1 type: DDR4 Virtual memory max (MB): 26951.04 Virtual memory used (MB): 21127.61 Swap memory total (MB): 10752.00 Swap memory used (MB): 649.19 JVM Flags: 4 total; -XX:HeapDumpPath=MojangTricksIntelDriversForPerformance\_javaw.exe\_minecraft.exe.heapdump -Xss1M -Xmx10048m -Xms256m Fabric Mods: advancementinfo: AdvancementInfo 1.20-fabric0.83.0-1.4 appleskin: AppleSkin 2.5.1+mc1.20 architectury: Architectury 9.2.14 armorchroma: Armor Chroma 1.2.6 balm-fabric: Balm 7.2.2 betteradvancements: Better Advancements [0.3.2.161](http://0.3.2.161) betterf3: BetterF3 7.0.2 betterstats: Better Statistics Screen 3.9.7+fabric-1.20.1 tcdcommons: TCD Commons API 3.9.6+fabric-1.20.1 bobby: Bobby 5.0.1 com\_typesafe\_config: config 1.4.2 io\_leangen\_geantyref\_geantyref: geantyref 1.3.13 org\_spongepowered\_configurate-core: configurate-core 4.1.2 org\_spongepowered\_configurate-hocon: configurate-hocon 4.1.2 borderlessmining: Borderless Mining 1.1.8+1.20.1 chat\_heads: Chat Heads 0.12.2 cleardespawn: Clear Despawn 1.1.12 cloth-config: Cloth Config v11 11.1.118 cloth-basic-math: cloth-basic-math 0.6.1 continuity: Continuity 3.0.0-beta.5+1.20.1 controlling: Controlling For Fabric 12.0.1 fabric-api: Fabric API 0.92.1+1.20.1 fabric-api-base: Fabric API Base 0.4.31+1802ada577 fabric-api-lookup-api-v1: Fabric API Lookup API (v1) 1.6.36+1802ada577 fabric-biome-api-v1: Fabric Biome API (v1) 13.0.13+1802ada577 fabric-block-api-v1: Fabric Block API (v1) 1.0.11+1802ada577 fabric-block-view-api-v2: Fabric BlockView API (v2) 1.0.1+1802ada577 fabric-blockrenderlayer-v1: Fabric BlockRenderLayer Registration (v1) 1.1.41+1802ada577 fabric-client-tags-api-v1: Fabric Client Tags 1.1.2+1802ada577 fabric-command-api-v1: Fabric Command API (v1) 1.2.34+f71b366f77 fabric-command-api-v2: Fabric Command API (v2) 2.2.13+1802ada577 fabric-commands-v0: Fabric Commands (v0) 0.2.51+df3654b377 fabric-containers-v0: Fabric Containers (v0) 0.1.64+df3654b377 fabric-content-registries-v0: Fabric Content Registries (v0) 4.0.11+1802ada577 fabric-convention-tags-v1: Fabric Convention Tags 1.5.5+1802ada577 fabric-crash-report-info-v1: Fabric Crash Report Info (v1) 0.2.19+1802ada577 fabric-data-attachment-api-v1: Fabric Data Attachment API (v1) 1.0.0+de0fd6d177 fabric-data-generation-api-v1: Fabric Data Generation API (v1) 12.3.4+1802ada577 fabric-dimensions-v1: Fabric Dimensions API (v1) 2.1.54+1802ada577 fabric-entity-events-v1: Fabric Entity Events (v1) 1.6.0+1c78457f77 fabric-events-interaction-v0: Fabric Events Interaction (v0) 0.6.2+1802ada577 fabric-events-lifecycle-v0: Fabric Events Lifecycle (v0) 0.2.63+df3654b377 fabric-game-rule-api-v1: Fabric Game Rule API (v1) 1.0.40+1802ada577 fabric-item-api-v1: Fabric Item API (v1) 2.1.28+1802ada577 fabric-item-group-api-v1: Fabric Item Group API (v1) 4.0.12+1802ada577 fabric-key-binding-api-v1: Fabric Key Binding API (v1) 1.0.37+1802ada577 fabric-keybindings-v0: Fabric Key Bindings (v0) 0.2.35+df3654b377 fabric-lifecycle-events-v1: Fabric Lifecycle Events (v1) 2.2.22+1802ada577 fabric-loot-api-v2: Fabric Loot API (v2) 1.2.1+1802ada577 fabric-loot-tables-v1: Fabric Loot Tables (v1) 1.1.45+9e7660c677 fabric-message-api-v1: Fabric Message API (v1) 5.1.9+1802ada577 fabric-mining-level-api-v1: Fabric Mining Level API (v1) 2.1.50+1802ada577 fabric-model-loading-api-v1: Fabric Model Loading API (v1) 1.0.3+1802ada577 fabric-models-v0: Fabric Models (v0) 0.4.2+9386d8a777 fabric-networking-api-v1: Fabric Networking API (v1) 1.3.11+1802ada577 fabric-networking-v0: Fabric Networking (v0) 0.3.51+df3654b377 fabric-object-builder-api-v1: Fabric Object Builder API (v1) 11.1.3+1802ada577 fabric-particles-v1: Fabric Particles (v1) 1.1.2+1802ada577 fabric-recipe-api-v1: Fabric Recipe API (v1) 1.0.21+1802ada577 fabric-registry-sync-v0: Fabric Registry Sync (v0) 2.3.3+1802ada577 fabric-renderer-api-v1: Fabric Renderer API (v1) 3.2.1+1802ada577 fabric-renderer-indigo: Fabric Renderer - Indigo 1.5.1+1802ada577 fabric-renderer-registries-v1: Fabric Renderer Registries (v1) 3.2.46+df3654b377 fabric-rendering-data-attachment-v1: Fabric Rendering Data Attachment (v1) 0.3.37+92a0d36777 fabric-rendering-fluids-v1: Fabric Rendering Fluids (v1) 3.0.28+1802ada577 fabric-rendering-v0: Fabric Rendering (v0) 1.1.49+df3654b377 fabric-rendering-v1: Fabric Rendering (v1) 3.0.8+1802ada577 fabric-resource-conditions-api-v1: Fabric Resource Conditions API (v1) 2.3.8+1802ada577 fabric-resource-loader-v0: Fabric Resource Loader (v0) 0.11.10+1802ada577 fabric-screen-api-v1: Fabric Screen API (v1) 2.0.8+1802ada577 fabric-screen-handler-api-v1: Fabric Screen Handler API (v1) 1.3.30+1802ada577 fabric-sound-api-v1: Fabric Sound API (v1) 1.0.13+1802ada577 fabric-transfer-api-v1: Fabric Transfer API (v1) 3.3.5+8dd72ea377 fabric-transitive-access-wideners-v1: Fabric Transitive Access Wideners (v1) 4.3.1+1802ada577 fabric-language-kotlin: Fabric Language Kotlin 1.10.19+kotlin.1.9.23 org\_jetbrains\_kotlin\_kotlin-reflect: kotlin-reflect 1.9.23 org\_jetbrains\_kotlin\_kotlin-stdlib: kotlin-stdlib 1.9.23 org\_jetbrains\_kotlin\_kotlin-stdlib-jdk7: kotlin-stdlib-jdk7 1.9.23 org\_jetbrains\_kotlin\_kotlin-stdlib-jdk8: kotlin-stdlib-jdk8 1.9.23 org\_jetbrains\_kotlinx\_atomicfu-jvm: atomicfu-jvm 0.23.2 org\_jetbrains\_kotlinx\_kotlinx-coroutines-core-jvm: kotlinx-coroutines-core-jvm 1.8.0 org\_jetbrains\_kotlinx\_kotlinx-coroutines-jdk8: kotlinx-coroutines-jdk8 1.8.0 org\_jetbrains\_kotlinx\_kotlinx-datetime-jvm: kotlinx-datetime-jvm 0.5.0 org\_jetbrains\_kotlinx\_kotlinx-serialization-cbor-jvm: kotlinx-serialization-cbor-jvm 1.6.3 org\_jetbrains\_kotlinx\_kotlinx-serialization-core-jvm: kotlinx-serialization-core-jvm 1.6.3 org\_jetbrains\_kotlinx\_kotlinx-serialization-json-jvm: kotlinx-serialization-json-jvm 1.6.3 fabricloader: Fabric Loader 0.15.11 mixinextras: MixinExtras 0.3.5 freecam: Freecam 1.2.1+1.20 gravestones: Gravestones v1.15 iceberg: Iceberg 1.1.18 invmove: InvMove 0.8.4 iris: Iris 1.7.0+mc1.20.1 io\_github\_douira\_glsl-transformer: glsl-transformer 2.0.0-pre13 org\_anarres\_jcpp: jcpp 1.4.14 org\_antlr\_antlr4-runtime: antlr4-runtime 4.11.1 java: OpenJDK 64-Bit Server VM 17 kleeslabs: KleeSlabs 15.0.0 lambdynlights: LambDynamicLights 2.3.1+1.20.1 pride: Pride Lib 1.2.0+1.19.4 spruceui: SpruceUI 5.0.0+1.20 lazydfu: LazyDFU 0.1.3 lithium: Lithium 0.11.2 malilib: MaLiLib 0.16.3 minecraft: Minecraft 1.20.1 minihud: MiniHUD 0.27.0 modmenu: Mod Menu 7.2.2 moonlight: Moonlight 1.20-2.11.28 mousetweaks: Mouse Tweaks 2.26 mousewheelie: Mouse Wheelie 1.13.0+mc1.20.1 amecsapi: Amecs API 1.5.1+mc1.20-pre1 coat: Coat 1.0.0-beta.20+mc1.20-pre1 tweed4\_annotated: tweed4\_annotated 1.3.1+mc1.20-pre1 tweed4\_base: tweed4\_base 1.7.1+mc1.20-pre1 tweed4\_data: 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I think all of us can agree that, even if it's not a personal problem for you specifically, body and facial hair are two of the largest causes of dysphoria in trans women as a whole. And while there are plenty of resources on hair removal out there, when it comes to epilation a lot of the articles I see are geared towards white cis women with low-to-minimal body hair, and not trans women who on average are going to have much, -much- thicker hair and in many more places.
I've been epilating for about five years now, slowly getting used to using it in more and more places and more often, and this month I finally graduated to using the epilator on over 90% of my body. So I figured I'd share my experiences, some tips and tricks, and some really important and brutally honest information about epilation in case any other transfem people like me are out there and either afraid of or struggling to start epilation as a hair removal option.
THE VERY BEGINNING - WHERE THE HELL DO YOU EVEN START
First of all, which epilator do you even buy? There's SO many of them, ranging in all sorts of prices.
An epilator is like a good pair of boots. Buy a cheap one and it'll hurt you and need to be replaced within a year. Be willing to drop $100+ on one and it'll do its job admirably with many, many years in the tank.
The one I've been using for YEARS as my trusty hair-removal companion is the Braun Silk-epil 9. There's many different models of it available, but I would do your own research on which specific one you want. You can find the basic model with no frills and attachments for about $100 on Amazon. It has paid for itself many, many times over.
OKAY I HAVE MY EPILATOR, WHAT NOW?
You turn it on and immediately pee yourself a little as it whirs up to an intimidating speed as you contemplate the fact that you're about to put that on your skin, and it's going to yank out your hairs one by one at rapid speeds. It's okay. We've all been there. Epilating is -really- scary the first time you do it, especially if you've ever experimentally plucked a hair with a pair of tweezers and winced at just how much ONE hair hurts to pull out.
An epilator is basically a mechanized super-tweezing device. It's effectively the same as plucking in terms of what it's doing to your hair and skin, except faster and more at once.
Let's go over some things that beauty articles will touch on and quickly brush over, because most of them are sponsored and probably have non-disparagement clauses. These are also where you find some of the bigger differences between epilating for white cis women and most trans women, and even some cis women with thicker hair like BIWOC.
Epilation. HURTS. It hurts really bad. Really, really, really bad. Your eyes are going to water, your skin is going to burn a little bit, you're going to have red, bumpy, irritated skin that is going to be worse than any razor burn you've ever gotten in your life. This is true for cis women, but it is MORE TRUE for trans women. On average, our hair is thicker, both in volume and the individual hairs, gnarlier, and much more attached to our follicles. Most articles I read about epilation before trying it did not even come close to accurately describing this part of epilation for my hair type as a trans woman, and having proper expectations will make it easier to deal with.
"But Miss Eternal Spike", you might ask, "why on earth would I put myself through that? Why would YOU do that to yourself for five years?"
Because the first time is the worst time. The very first time you epilate any individual patch of skin is always going to be like that, it's always going to hurt, but only that first time (as long as you keep up with doing it). But as you continue epilating and as your skin gets more and more used to the teeth of the device and the hair gets less and less embedded in the follicles as they get repeatedly ripped out, it gets easier and easier.
Epilating my legs from hip to ankle barely irritates me at all now, and my skin is silky smooth for sometimes WEEKS afterwards. If you can put up with the pain of the first dozen or so epilations, it is so, so so so worth it. It's just as semi-permanent as waxing while being much less expensive, much less messy, and much easier to reach the problem areas that at-home waxing has trouble handling.
The next thing to go over is that epilating is a process. Because most people with an average pain tolerance will only be able to do small patches at a time before needing a break, your first dozen or so epilations will take exponentially more time than shaving. You should always plan around using an entire day to epilate at first until you get more experienced and the process becomes easier. This factor of epilation is, again, exponentially increased for trans women with thicker hair. Not only does it hurt more, so less gets done in the same amount of time, but thicker hair might require more passes over the same area. From anecdotal experiences I've collected over the years, I've noticed that body hair growth affected by testosterone also tends to be less consistent in the direction of growth, and epilation is most efficient when going against the grain. At least for myself, my hair mostly grows in the same direction 80~% of the time, but I regularly have to go over the same section in multiple different directions to catch all the hairs.
You also WILL get ingrown hairs out the ass the first time you do it. I don't care how much you exfoliate beforehand or how good your skincare routine is, when your hairs haven't been yanked before and are used to being shaved they are very resilient and brittle. This means that for every ~100 hairs the epilator yanks out perfectly, it's going to break several of them. Broken hairs are even worse than shaved hairs for risk of ingrown hair, because shaved hairs are at least usually a clean cut. Hair broken from an epilator will be jagged and bent, and is much more likely to cause an ingrown hair. This, AGAIN, is compounded for people affected by T. This factor might be somewhat mitigated if you've been on blockers for a while, but for those of us who have high T levels regardless of blockers or just are still in the beginning stages of HRT, plenty of us still deal with the issue of T making our skin oilier and our pores more likely to get clogged as a result, even with good skincare and exfoliation. This makes ingrown hairs even nastier and more of a pain in the ass.
Thankfully this, too, will get better with time as your hair gets less gnarly and embedded in the follicle with each epilation treatment. It's also much easier to properly take care of your skin when thick layers of hair aren't constantly getting in the way, so a nice side effect of epilation and having to shave less often makes it much much easier to exfoliate and moisturize your skin properly!!
OKAY, I'VE READ THAT AND I'VE DECIDED I STILL WANT TO DO IT, BUT I'M STILL TOO NERVOUS TO PUT IT ON ME. CAN I MAKE IT HURT LESS?
No. Lots of articles will tell you to just take an ibuprofen or drink a glass of wine, and that might take the edge off, but for your first time? Nope. It's gonna hurt. Accept that now. Take a deep breath, accept that it IS going to hurt, and just do it.
OKAY. WHAT DO I DO.
Keeping in mind that this is my personal experience and YMMV, here are the places I am currently comfortably able to epilate:

• My legs, both calf and thigh.
• My face.
• My buttocks.
• The flat parts of my bikini area.
• My hips.
• My underarms.

I'll go over what I do for the rest of my hair removal to cover the places the epilator can't do, either because it's just that painful or for logistical reasons like the head of the device not being shaped in a convenient way to efficiently epilate.
But, before you even think of putting the epilator on your skin, you do need to do SOME preparation. Before you epilate, make sure the following checklist is completed:

• You've eaten in the last 2 hours. Epilating causes dozens and dozens of tiny pain signals to go to your brain in rapid succession, prompting the release of endorphins, adrenaline, and even cortisol from the stress. Your energy levels and blood sugar will drop fast so make sure you've eaten.
• Have a bag of something high in sugar at the ready and a bottle of Gatorade. See above, your blood sugar is going to go into the toilet when you do this. Pick your favorite candy or equivalent blood-sugar-restoring food and get a big bottle or two of an electrolyte-replenishing drink and have them on standby. I didn't do this my first time and nearly passed out from low blood sugar. HAVE SOME M&MS OR SOMETHING READY.
• Contrary to the advice a lot of articles will give, I do NOT recommend epilating in the shower as a trans woman with relatively thick body hair. While yes, a hot shower will relax the follicles and make the plucking easier, if you have thick hair like I do the wet hair will gum up the epilator and make the process take far longer than it needs to. Lay out several towels on your bed to catch the hair that's going to be flung everywhere and do it in bed. It's also a bad idea to do this in the shower your first time because, again, you're going to be flooded with endorphins and be at risk of sudden blood sugar drops. A hot, steamy environment isn't exactly the safest thing to pair with that risk. As you get more used to epilating and you get a better feel for how your body responds to it, and as your hair naturally thins out, you can switch to doing it in the shower if you like, but I still do it dry for the far easier cleanup.
• If possible, shave your body first and wait for the hair to reach between 1/4 and 1/3 of an inch for ideal epilation length. However, I've gone several months between epilations out of laziness and my hair has easily reached an inch and a half, and I was able to epilate it just fine. Since this isn't waxing and there's no risk of wasting material with low efficacy, the only thing you're sacrificing by epilating long hair is time.
• Buy a massive fuck-off tub of coconut oil for post-epilation moisturizing/soothing. You can get a 56 Fl oz tub of it on Amazon for $23. Do not buy coconut oil that is advertised for skin or hair care as it's liable to contain essential oils or other compounds that might irritate freshly-epilated skin. Buy coconut oil that is for baking/cooking. It's cheaper, makes your skin unfathomably soft, and will actually soothe the irritation rather than adding to it.
• Finally, get some entertainment. You're going to be here for a while and having a comforting distraction can help with the pain. Put on your favorite movie marathon, your favorite anime or TV show to binge watch, and take a deep breath. It's time to yank some hairs.

THE ACTUAL DEED
Start with your legs. It's the largest portion of flat skin that the epilator can easily rest flush against, and in my case my calves are much less sensitive than the rest of my body. Even for my first time epilating, doing my calves hurt significantly less than anywhere else on my body. You're going to want to start right where the top of your foot starts to curve into your ankle, by straightening out your toes to provide a flat plane for the epilator to move along.
With your non-epilating hand, place your palm flat on your calf above the area you're about to epilate and get a firm grip, pulling up towards your knee as much as you can while not sliding your hand along your skin. This will stretch the skin, an absolute necessity for efficient epilation. For the rest of your epilation sessions from now till infinity, repeat this technique as close as possible on any section of skin you decide to epilate. Sometimes this is not possible due to either not being flexible enough or the skin of an area being impractical to stretch, but that's alright. As long as the skin is flat and there are no loose bits of flesh for the epilator to snag, it will work and be perfectly safe. It just might take more passes over the same area if you can't stretch the skin.
Now, take a deep breath, and without turning it on place the epilator's head flush against your skin, right at that point where the top of your foot connects with your ankle; lining up with the very "top" of your calf where the bone is closest to the skin. Pull the epilator slowly up towards your knee to familiarize yourself with the path the epilator is going to take, moving your non-epilating hand up in tandem to keep the skin stretched. Do this two or three times to get used to keeping the skin stretched as you move the epilator.
Then put the epilator back, and turn it on.
Then turn it immediately off because you probably just either yelped, winced, hissed, flinched, or some combination of the above things and you need a moment. That's okay. Take a deep breath, and remind yourself that it's only going to hurt this bad once. As long as you can get through this first epilation, every subsequent time will get easier and easier.
Repeat this process as many times as you need to in order to properly brace yourself for experiencing that pain for more than a few seconds. When you're ready, hold the epilator firmly in your hand and keep it flush against the skin, but do not press it into the skin. This isn't a razor, you don't need any pressure at all. You just need to hold the epilator flush.
Take a deep inhale, and slowly exhale as you slowly pull the epilator towards your knee. This hurts. This is going to hurt. It's okay. Just breathe through it as long as you can before stopping. Any progress is good progress and is one step closer to smooth legs.
Continue to repeat these motions across your calves and thighs. Ignore the pit of your knee for now, you can epilate that part when you're more comfortable with it.
If you can't do your entire legs in one day, that's okay! I couldn't either. If you need to stop, stop. You can always take it in stages and take a whole week to get your legs done if you need to. The important part is to introduce all of your skin to epilation, the sooner you do that the sooner you can do the second one, and the third one, and the sooner it gets easier and the longer the time between epilations gets.
After you decide to stop, apply the coconut oil. If it's solidified, just let it melt on your hands by rubbing them together before applying it. Gently massage it into the skin.
Over the next many months, repeat epilating your legs and following the same general routine. Customize it once you start getting comfortable! Try new things, figure out what works best for your hair and your skin. But once you do that first epilation, you've crossed the biggest and most difficult hurdle epilation will have to offer you and everything subsequent will come much, much easier.
BEYOND THE EASY PARTS: ADVANCED EPILATION
Once you become a pro at epilating your legs, the world is your oyster. Do your underarms, your face, your arms, your stomach, your chest, you can even do your ass and bikini area. Each area will come with its own unique challenges and barriers, but it's all doable as long as you follow the basic epilation principles of stretching the skin, proper aftercare, and a bit of common sense. Just remember that the first time you epilate an area is always going to be the worst, and to not take the experience of the first time epilating an area as "the expectation" for an area. Make your own judgments, but I usually will try three to four sessions over a couple months in the same area before I decide if I want to keep using the epilator on that space or if I want to use an alternative method like wax, shaving, or plucking.
I have even successfully epilated most of my taint and scrotum, and even the hair at the base of my junk. The only part of that I actually regret is using the epilator on the area where the seam of skin runs from your asshole up to your scrote, because unfortunately there just isn't a good way to epilate that spot. The epilator usually isn't nearly strong enough in any form to break the skin, but because of the unique nature of the way that seam of skin is raised up from the rest of your skin, the epilator just kinda beats the crap out of it and caused a little bit of bleeding. Nothing awful, but it was quite painful and honestly I just wax that section now and epilate the flat skin around it.
Combining the epilator with other, more precise forms of hair removal is how I really started to remove the vast majority of the hair on my body. The epilator is by far the best solution for any large, flat area of skin, and even some of the less flat parts like arm and knee pits, the section of your lower body where your thighs meet your groin, and it was mostly able to handle the curvature of my face just fine. But for the really small creasy parts of skin, like between your buttocks for example, I've found that careful application of at-home wax kits (I use the KoluaWax wax warmer and beads) and tweezers usually compensates for the areas the epilator can't get.
CONCLUSION
Epilating is the perfect happy medium between cost-effective and semi-permanence of hair removal. It lasts far longer than shaving, costs significantly less than professional waxing and much less than regularly buying enough beads to wax your entire body at home while having the same long-lasting and hair-thinning effects, and while it's not permanent like laser or electro, $100 is far more affordable for most trans women than how expensive laser and electro can be. I personally plan to get laser over my whole body someday, but epilating has been an absolute lifesaver in the meantime, saving me immense suffering at the hands of dysphoria from my body hair.
The biggest barrier to epilating is the pain, and it's an understandable one. Not everyone is built to handle it. I recommend epilation to almost everyone I meet when the topic of hair removal comes up, but I don't judge in the slightest when someone says it'd be too painful for them. That's a reality for a lot of people.
But for some of us, any amount of pain is worth the alleviation of the dysphoria. I hope that this frank and no-bullshit description and introduction to epilation is helpful for those who have always wanted to try it but weren't able to find good answers to their questions about it for the same reasons I had difficulty, whether it gives you the information needed to give it a try or if it confirms that it's definitely not for you. And for those of us who struggle with body hair dysphoria and also have issues with shaving for whatever reason, maybe this can give you an alternative that will help you get through your days with less dysphoria.
If anyone else has any epilating tips or would like to share their own experiences with it, please feel free to do so in the comments!! This is only one woman's experience with one type of hair, and I can't speak for women whose hair might be much more curly or textured than mine, or who have different skin sensitivities.

Before I start I just wanted to clarify that english is not my first language, so I am sorry if I make grammar or language mistakes.
Also I am renting here, because I just don't know what to do. I don't want to go into any details for privacy reasons.
As the titel already states I think about leaving my home with part of my family for good. My family consists of my mother and my little sister. I love my little sister dearly. She is the main reason why I did not leave any sooner, because she is still a minor yet. If I could I would take her with me.
For context: I do have a father and three siblings. One is married, one is my little sister and the other one chose to run away almost a decade ago, lucky her. I feel so trapped. I have little to zero freedom or privacy in this home.
I am a young adult and attending university. I am able to work myself and I am pretty convinced that I could stay on my own feet, but my mother does not like the idea.
All of my siblings had to deal with a lot of depression because of my parents. My father was very abusive before. One day he vanished away when my little sister and I were still toddlers.
We had little contact to him, seen him maybe once a month and somehow after he found a girlfriend I think 3-4 years ago, he did a whole U - turn and he suddenly wants to play an active part in our lives. Unfortunatly it is a little late for that, everyone but my little sister who is now in high school is already an adult.
My mother suffered the most because of him and sadly she had a lot of trauma and depression forming her into a manipulative and unpredictable person and it is impossible to live with her. She would randomly yell at us and tell us that all her children are useless and she waits for the day she can finally die because we are the reason her life is so miserable.
This morning I overheard a conversation she had with my little sister. My little sister asked my mother to change school because she hates her school. It doesn't offer anything. They are lacking of teachers and students and the teachers that still work there are mostly almost retired and simply unfair.
I gratuated from that school myself and I can assure you guys some teachers were racist and completely incompetent. Some are super sweet. But chances are low that you would actually be in their classes.
Anyways, my mother wasn't thrilled. In fact she got super upset. It wouldn't even cost her anything. In my country school is not just a privilege and everyone has a right to education. She wouldn't even need to fill out any paperworks, because I would've dealt with that. We would just need a simple signature but my mother said no out of spite.
For her my sister can't have depression because she is still young and didn't suffer as much as my mother did, she couldn't understand why my sister was perfoming badly at school. She did the same with all of us.
Me personally I was never enough for her. I wasn't the best at school, but I was not exactly bad. I had a lot of plans for my future but she dismissed them since non of them contained graduating uni. So I played the part she asked me to.
I suffered a lot though my first two semesters. I did not take any classes I just wanted my mother to think I did to make her happy. I was never allowed to have any vacations with my friends even if she knew all of them and their parents. Somedays she would say no to simple meet ups with my friends just because she can. So I found myself living a life behind her back. I got a super sweet boyfriend and a bunch of wholesome friends who would take me in in a second. She doesn't know any of it.
For her I am just going to uni, back home, sleep, eat, go studying and maybe once in 2 weeks I meet a friend which can fulfill my social life. That life would practically kill me. I thought a lot about ending my life, but behind her back I am so happy with my plans, friends, my boyfriend, my hobbies. It's just sad to think that that life would kill her. So I chose to lie to her like a coward.
Back to today's conversation in the morning. For context: My mother can't work because of several health reasons which is why she has to deal with a lot of paperwork to somehow survive.
Because of these social services I can't work either even though I would've loved to. As she can not speak the language well, I have to deal with the paperwork. And that paperwork alone is draining my energy almost completely. We had a lot of problems to deal with because of the services so we got kicked out of our apartment and searching for a new one.
I know it is a lot of stress. And I also know deep down she feels like she failed as a mother, because she couldn't offer much. But we were never demanding more. We were content with the things we had, even if it was not much. But somehow my mother thinks the best way to feel some relief is through making all of her stresses and problems (even though I mostly deal with them) our fault.
So my last straw was when I over heard her conversation with my little sister telling her: "When your sister (me) comes home, tell her to give me all of the papers, because she turned out to be just as useless as [my eldest sister]."
I felt so helpless. I did my best and I did good. I was in contact with so many places of social services but sometimes they depend on each other so I can't do much but wait. As she saw me waiting for their answers for a week she told me I was lazy because how dare I have a moment of rest from that.
I had to deal with that for 6 months straight, every. single. day. And when ever she saw my face not buried inside her paperwork and actually have fun or relax she yelled at me.
I couldn't take it any longer. I grabbed the folder- which I collected the papers in, all in order- swung open the door to my room in which I was hiding all morning and calmly placed the folder on the living room table she was in. Then I turned around and left to go to my room.
I am shaking and writing this, because I don't know what to do. I feel so useless and unappreciated. I feel so depressed and unmotivated. I feel like having a 'burn out' of life and I am not even twenty years old.
So many people around me are actually enjoying life and I envy them.
There is so much more to tell you guys about my past for you to understand my despair right now. But in order to have them all written down, I might have to write a series of books, so I just put down the most important things. I don't know what to do. I want to leave so bad and make all her problems her problems again. I want to live the life I was living behind her back. I want to feel free just for once.
But on the other hand; I can't leave my sister with her. And my father taking custody is not an option. He wants to play an active part but not the responsibillity.
If I could I would take her with me. But I know for a fact I would never get custody. Also I know my mother seems to be a monster. But she tries her best and sacrifices so much for us just to live a life.
I don't know if I am being ungrateful and if I should simply suck it up. I am just so confused. I am so close to pack my things and leave. But I know I could never return. My family is so broken and my home is cold... Any advice?

I'm trying to import a local .csv file in my +layout.server.js to render the page. I tried using papaparse.js but the file is not parsed nor served: stackoverflow for reference.
I tried using import but I got error [plugin:vite:import-analysis] Failed to parse source for import analysis because the content contains invalid JS syntax. You may need to install appropriate plugins to handle the .csv file format, or if it's an asset, add "**/*.csv" toassetsIncludein your configuration.
I have many .csv and I need them for loading customers (lazy loading on scroll, etc). Is this possible? what's the best practice?
Thank you

In the spring of 2016, I had too much free time. I was 16. I was a lonely and introverted teenager with some complexes, so naturally, I spent a lot of time playing computer games.
So I joined a small Minecraft server. I liked the unique community, I liked the custom server plugins, and I liked the administration's approach to server management.
When applications for server moderation team opened in mid-summer 2016, I submitted my application. Even though I was a relatively new member of the server, my application was accepted, I was given a fancy red prefix, access to special commands, and I officially became a member of the server staff.
In a position of strength, my complexes began to manifest themselves. I started acting like an arrogant jerk.
It was around this time that I met J. She was a very creative server player, and without a second thought, I complimented her building abilities.
This turned out to be a mistake on my part; a little of my attention was enough for J to become obsessed with me and want even more. She did everything to get my attention: she threatened me with suicide, sent me gory photos, and drew disgusting drawings. This scared me a little. She was only 13; she had obvious problems with self-harm, and I had no idea what to do with her attention as I was worried about her mental and physical health.
On the evening of one autumn day in 2016, when I logged into the game after school and, as always, was busy satisfying my complexes by punishing some poor kids for doing kid stuff, a player with the nickname Z joined the server.
Almost immediately after he joined, an extremely ambiguous message was written on the server on my behalf in the general chat.
When I tried to ban Z, my prefix just turned toxic green.
I panicked and wrote to one of the server owners about what was happening and received an unexpected answer...
Z is a senior member of the staff and part of the development team.
It is worth noting that I was never personally introduced to all members of the staff; I was just added to the private server. That's the reason why I didn't know who Z was.
Although the problem was resolved, in my eyes, Z humiliated me in front of the entire server. I was angry, and I wanted to repay him in one way or another. It sounds funny now, but I was 16. At the time, it seemed like a matter of honor to me.
So from that very day on, Z and I developed a kind of comic feud. When we were both online, we joked and messed with each other.
Over time, we began to sometimes chat outside the game. Z was quite good at IT, and at that time I was thinking about a career in that field. so I sometimes consulted him on the topic.
In January 2017, something happened among the senior staff. I never found out what, but as part of this, Z and several other senior administrators resigned. The server could not withstand such a crisis and closed down two months later.
My interest in Minecraft was starting to wane a bit at that time, so I just shrugged and went back to the games I was playing before. But my connection with Z remained, and J continued to stalk my online accounts.

Somewhere in March 2017, I started playing another voxel game on the RP server. This was my first RP experience, and it just blew my mind.
RP allowed me to be anyone, and of course (now I’m even embarrassed to write this), I started playing as a lonely, serious, and rich government employee.
About a month later, Z found out about my RP alter ego.
Me: damn Z, I’m playing this RP game, and presidential elections are going on right now, and I’m supporting one of the candidates and
Z: And he turned out to be a Nazi?
Me: NO!!! It’s just that there are two candidates, and the one I support is not the one who is going to win! What if they take revenge on me now?
Z: And what will they do to you :-/?
Me: EXACTLY! I HAVE NO CLUE, AND I'M SCAAAAAAARED!
Z: Why are you playing then if you're scared?
Me: I like it!
Z: That sounds interesting; what exactly are you playing? :-)
and Z came in. and Z liked it.
We started chatting much more. I was lonely and didn't have many friends. That's why I became attached to Z and our chats with him. I often sat up until the early hours of the morning, just chatting with him about all sorts of stuff.
Z was two years older than me, had answers to all the questions, spoke four languages, was a troll, and had a strange, charming style of communication. One moment he would talk like your wise older sibling, and the next he would act like a stupid, naive little one.
Z: You have a new car!
Me: Yeah, it's a little buggy, but they promised to fix it in the next bugfix.
Z: Why blue?
Me: I like blue
Z: But why not green?
Me: Because I like blue!
Z: But I like green :-(
Me: Well, paint yours green!
Z: I want yours!
Me: Nope, my car.
Z: meanie:_-(
He also had the habit of taking the conversation to unexpected places.
Z: Hey, what do you think about immortality?
Me: IDK
Z: Hey, don’t be like that! I’m sure you’ve thought about this at least once :-/
Me: To be honest, I’m too lazy to think about immortality at 4 am haha
Z: lazy ass :-(
Me: What do you mean by immortality anyway? Like, how does it work?
Z: any theoretical immortality! Do you think this is good or bad?
Me: um... I'm not sure. Bad, I think.
Z: Don't you want to live forever? :-)-:?
Me: I'm just not sure that immortality for all people is a good idea. Some might go crazy or smth, IDK
Z: How sweet! You care about other people!
Me: THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEAN!!
Somewhere in July, I developed an addiction to opening cases in a very well-known online shooter. I spent most of the money that I earned on them.
I knew that Z had a lot of money; Z never hid that he worked in a lucrative position at a construction company. This led to one of the most humiliating moments of my life.
Me: Hey Z, can you lend me 100usd, please?
Me: please?
Z: For what? :-/
Me: cases. I'll return it in a week, I promise!
Z: Nah, try to rob your parents :-)-: I'm sure this would make a cool news headline.
By the beginning of June, I decided to sell some virtual game items for an approximate amount of 700 USD and spend it on my addiction. I found a buyer and asked Z to help me with the process. but everything didn't go according to plan. Z lied to me, transferred the items to his own account, and then... permanently banned his own account.
This was the first time I saw this side of Z. I sat helplessly and felt that, through the monitor, Z was glad that he could hurt me, glad that he was able to humiliate me.
I blocked Z on all platforms and decided not to contact him anymore.

I haven't talked to Z for two months. Honestly, I don’t remember what excuses I came up with, but I unblocked his accounts and wrote to him myself. I was lonely; I had no friends, and my time with Z was one of the best times I've had in years. Any excuse would do.
Me: Hey, jerk.
Z: hi :-)
I again started staying up late and texting with Z. Re-reading our chats now, I see that he began to behave more aggressively towards me, intentionally hitting my emotions and complexes. I was mistaking his obvious attacks for stupid jokes, which is what he was probably aiming for.
Moreover, I became even more attached to Z, which led to another extremely humiliating moment.

Me: You know, I wish you could be my girlfriend.
Z: Oh wow, the offer is certainly interesting, but I’ll probably refuse :-D

Around late November or early December 2017, J continued to write to me again and send me a lot of gory stuff. I was annoyed by this and complained to Z about her.
A couple of days after I complained to Z, I received a link to a file-sharing service from him, and of course, being a complete idiot, I downloaded the folder that was on it.
After opening the downloaded folder, I was completely shocked. The folder contained almost all possible data about J that you could think of. even her parent’s passports. Z doxed J to me. But my idiocy didn’t end there. I, as a 17-year-old edgy teenager trying to seem cool on the Internet to my ‘cool friend‘, so wrote in response the most moronic thing I could.
Me: Fuck, she lives in my city!!!

Yeah, I was so stupid that I doxxed myself. What was I thinking at that moment? no idea. Z responded very vaguely:
Z: What a coincidence :-D
At the end of January 2018, Z and I had a little fight over some nonsense.
A couple of days after this fight, I saw J near my school. She smiled, waved at me, and walked away. I immediately realized that Z had contacted J, and told her that we lived in the same city. I shared photos of my life with Z, and from them, J could easily identify my school, street, and, over time, even my look. and she did.
So now J stalked me not only online but also in real life. I was terribly scared; I didn’t know what to do. She pushed her drawings under my door, she walked down my street in the hope that I would come out to, her online spam increased threefold.
Z found it funny. Yeah, even after Z did this, I still forgave him, put on a “brave face” and continued to chat with him. I didn’t want to seem like a coward in front of him, so I didn’t say anything about this. I just asked why he did it, to which I received an extremely common “Z answer“
Z: I thought it was a great idea :-)
In March 2018, Z and I had this conversation:
Z: Hey, explain to me why you are so dependent on the opinions of others.
Me: This is a strange question; I have no idea how to answer it. We're all a little dependent on it, aren't we?
Z: Maybe so, but you make all your decisions looking at those around you :-/-: “Oh my God, what will people say? What should I do?”
Me: Um... well, I'm just a little indecisive!
Z: No, you are afraid of those around you. Let’s say, why isn’t your photo on one of your social networks? M?
Me: What does this have to do with it?
Z: This is very important; it's stupid to be afraid to show your face simply because you think others will judge you. Others don't matter.
As a result of this, I put my photo on one social network. exactly for a couple of minutes, then I felt anxious, and I deleted it. But these couple of minutes were enough for Z to download this photo.
I didn’t know that Z saw and even downloaded that photo.
In March, J’s actions began to cross all boundaries, even reaching the point of making threats towards my parents. I was afraid to tell anyone about J because she threatened me with false accusations several times. On the Internet, J began using the same emoticons as Z.
Z jokingly advised me to kill J, and even gave several methods of slow poisoning, and even presented me with a scenario for killing J in which I would remain undetected.
This all happened in the usual humorous manner that Z enjoys, so I didn’t pay much attention to it.
In June 2018, Z sent my childhood photo to our chat.
Z: Cool outfit :-D
I had no idea how to respond to this. I was in shock; words didn't come to mind.
I: ?????????????
In response to my message, Z sent more photos to the chat. photos of my parents, photos of my deceased grandmother, photos of my parents' old and new cars. And the photo that I posted earlier.
It was some kind of strange, unvoiced threat without a threat.
I know who you are; I can find out even more.
At that moment, so many thoughts were swarming my head that I didn’t even think about the implications. I was just scared.
Z is the only person whose gaze I felt through the screen, and at that moment I felt it. I felt him enjoying the moment of my weakness, the moment of his control over me. But I didn’t want to look weak—to look like a coward in front of Z. So I typed something extremely stupid:
Me: Yeah, yeah, very cool. How did you do it?
Z: :-)-:
I never found out how Z got these photos; Z didn’t tell me, and I didn’t insist because I thought that if I did, I would show weakness.
Looking at it all now, I can assume that Z somehow forced J or someone else to break into my house for this. but this is a theory without evidence.

At the end of June, after J once again stalked me on the street, I wrote Z an extremely irritated message in which I said that his joke with J had gone too far, that it was putting my whole family in danger, and that I was afraid to go outside because of him. I expected him to be angry, but instead, he answered me very calmly.
Z: Okay, I'll fix it. Your loss
After a week, I no longer saw J around my neighborhood. I thought that Z had talked to her, or maybe even bribed her with something.
Later, I found out from J herself that he actually tried to reason with her, but she refused. In retaliation, he sent her self-harm video to all work emails associated with the company where her mother worked. This forced her parents to take action and find her help.
In mid-summer 2018, I had an extremely memorable interaction with Z. While playing with him, we had a humorous argument during which I accidentally killed Z’s character.
I didn't think this would be a big problem, but for Z, it turned out to be. Z literally exploded in chat and typed some offensive and very hurtful things. After some time, he stopped typing; his character stood unmoving for about 3 minutes, then disconnected from the game. I didn't see him online for about 3 days. When he returned, he apologized for his behavior and said that he had misunderstood my words and the situation.
I described all this to make it clear that Z was a paranoid person who could misunderstand your words by turning them around.
From the fall to the end of 2018, I was overwhelmed with a lot of studying. Z, on the other hand, was busy at work, which is why we had almost no time to chat. At first, it bothered me. Z was my safe space, and it was hard for me. But then I became more open and made real friends.
My chats with Z at that moment were limited to just a couple of messages a day. Z himself began to behave much more apathetically toward me, but in general, he showed joy and even strange pride in me, That I am no longer limiting myself and socializing with other people.
In February 2019, it was revealed that my school’s network was compromised and was used for malicious purposes; this even made it to the local news. I don't understand anything about cybersecurity at all, so I won't even try to go into technical detail. All I know is that all the school computers were infected with something, and because of this, the data of several professors and students was leaked online.
I didn’t even think it could be Z at that time, but now I don’t rule out this possibility. Based on his further actions, he is quite capable of such things.
In April 2019, I received a personal message from R on one gaming platform.
R said that he saw me on Z’s friend’s list and asked how I was related to him. I replied that Z is one of my best friends. R replied that he, too, once considered Z his best and only friend, and he wanted to warn me about Z.
R, like me, was once a lonely teenager who was hiding from real life in video games, and in 2015, he met Z on the same Minecraft server as me.
R and Z began chatting under the pretext of language learning. R, as a Russian, did not know English very well, and Z did not mind learning Russian, which he already knew well.
R was 14 years old at that time, so it was easy for Z to take control of him. And if Z behaved like a friend with me, with R, he behaved like an older brother.
Their main communication took place in voice chat, which surprised me because in those rare moments when I had the courage to offer Z talking through voice chat, Z refused.
R was talking to Z every day, telling him about his life and telling him some of his very intimate secrets. Z gave R advice, helped with homework (to be fair, he helped me too), and even helped his family financially when times got tough.
Just like with me, at a certain point in their relationship, Z obtained a lot of personal information about R, creating an unspoken threat.
R blocked Z from all areas after Z sent sketchy people to photograph R's younger brother on his way home from school.
Despite all the earlier threats, Z did not respond to this in any way.
R also wrote that Z was responsible for leaking some personal data of two bullied 11-year-olds in Ukraine in 2012, which ultimately led to extremely sad consequences.
Just like me, R became more open over time, made a circle of friends, and became a fairly well-known local DJ. According to R, without Z, he wouldn’t have achieved any of this. This upset me and lowered my spirit, since I was proud of myself that I was able to change a little, and in R's opinion, this is not my merit but the merit of Z.
I can't confirm or deny R's story, but I am inclined to accept the main part of it.
I chatted with R for one day, after which I blocked him. I felt disgusted and uncomfortable, and I chose not to listen to him anymore. He said what he wanted to say and warned. Well, I guess too late.
In July 2019, I started dating.
Z showed almost no emotion to this news; he wrote that he was happy for me. I think that he already had another victim, and he didn’t spend as much time on me as before.
Despite this, in October 2019, he sent some people to my girlfriend’s apartment complex to take photos of her. after which he sent them to me.
Me: You're sick.
Z: Well, we are all sick in some ways :-)-:
I didn’t stop chatting with him out of fear; he had too much information about me and my loved ones, and I can’t imagine what I would have done to myself if something had happened to them because of him.
In 2020, Z himself began to show me the results of his actions. From hacked computers, surveillance cameras, and data leaks to raider takeovers. It was clear that he was showing this to me to implant in me the idea that it could be me, and this made me even more scared.
Z's messages stopped being sweet and friendly; they became sarcastic, sometimes with some kind of double-threatening overtone. I think that it was at that moment that the real Z, who loved to destroy, torture, and enjoy all the destruction, communicated with me.
In the fall of 2020, due to my stupidity (previously, I downloaded some files that Z sent me), Z gained access to my phone and sent phishing links to all my contacts. As a result, the finances of several of my friends were jeopardized. Z didn't even deny his involvement in this.

In December 2020, I heard Z's ‘voice’ for the first and last time. It was in a discord voice chat with a few other people, and he was using a voice changer. He sounded completely distant and had a strange French-German accent. Perhaps it was some side effect of a changer
In the winter of 2021, Z entered into a conflict with a Russian lawyer, O. I have no idea whether this was a 'direct' conflict regarding some legal matters (I don’t think so, since Z is not Russian) or whether O simply offended Z in some way online. But you could feel the anger from Z through the screen.
To my horror, Z was determined to seriously ruin O's life, and I had to watch. If Z stalked me, then he giga-stalked O. Personal photos, secretly taken photos, and even live broadcasts from the webcams of O’s relatives and friends were sent to me.
I think that Z thought that O was challenging Z’s intelligence by not ‘getting under control’, and every day this infuriated Z even more. But again, this is just my speculation, since I don’t know how the conflict between O and Z started.
Over time, Z's actions became more... physical. Z sent people to crash O's car, set his elderly father's house on fire, and beat up several of his friends and coworkers. ‘Others suffer because of you’ seems to be Z’s favorite tactic.
Did O do anything in response? he did. I don’t know what exactly , Z preferred not to talk about his failures, but from the context and some vague wording, I could understand that O was trying to somehow resist Z, which irritated him even more.
In the late summer of 2021, Z was able to gain access to O’s personal computer and phone. In early autumn, Z outed O as gay using personal messages from dating sites and a collection of gay prose written by O. Z specifically posted this information on websites for people with extremely negative views of it. Given Russia's problems with gay rights, I don't think O got off easy.
After that, the only time Z mentioned O was when O's prose was removed from all sites on which it was published. Z was clearly delighted.
I was horrified; a person’s life was being destroyed in front of me, and I didn’t know what to do. I felt like an accomplice (I still do), and I was afraid that I would be next. I was scared for my family, I started having problems sleeping.
In November 2021, I couldn’t stand it and told my girlfriend everything. About Z, and J, and about the fact that Z sent people to take pictures of her, and about O.
She supported me, and we both decided that the best solution would be to block Z and forget about him. For several months, I was afraid of some kind of retaliation from Z, but it never came.
In the fall of 2023, J contacted me. She gets the help she needs, and she is very sorry for what she did. She didn’t want to discuss Z.
Sometimes I just go in and re-read our old chats with Z, just out of nostalgia, and I see that Z's accounts are still active.
My story may be missing something because I tried to tell only about the important moments leaving out the unnecessary. Because of this, I might have missed small details.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.

I have come across this Mike Shadow game video showcasing all skills
https://youtu.be/pZZLZd6yVH0?feature=shared
A lot of people in the comments have been baffled for more than half a decade about what the song actually is. I just took on the lead myself and found out that the original base of the song was actually TS Online - Fight(you can search it up on YouTube I'm too lazy).
I put it on sound identification apps and it did not give me any accurate results, and so far, searching it will take me right to the video I've linked again. There were however two pages that contained the name of the song. One was a ROBLOX Song ID website but the song was deleted. The other was a Steam Page named Dion's meme pack(https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2575936396) that actually contained the song as well. The problem is I don't have Paint The Town Red to surely verify if it is the song that was in there. I had messaged someone to do it for me but it seems like he got a bit inactive for the time being. I also cannot contact the author of the meme pack either since it was set so that only their friends can talk to them.

Hello, i am a bisexual transfem. I dont identfy myself as a lesbian. I am more attracted to males in sexual eay and more attracted to females in romantic way.
A week ago i was arguing over some twitter post with my(ex-)friend who is a cis lesbian attracted to females in bot sexual and romantic way. The post was saying that "wtf is a panromantic lesbian, its cringe" and my friend was agrreing with that post. I told her that romanticism and sexuality are different things and it can exist at the same time.
She rejected it and claimed that only both romantic and sexually attracted to female women can use the word lesbian and the otherwise is a phobia.
I screenshoted and send her that googles defination of lesbian is agreeing wirh me since it uses the world "or" and not "and". Here the googles defination:

• denoting or relating to women who are sexually or romantically attracted exclusively to other women, or to sexual attraction or activity between women.

Also i was lazy at that time and i was just typing "les" instead of lesbian. I was not aiming to slur others. And she told me that i was sluring her while not being a lesbian, i cant use that word and i was wrong and google isnt a reliable source and she blocked me.
So i am here to asking who was right? And why? Also is the word "les" is a slur? I never said once people who calls me as "bi" but not "bisexual".
Also sorry if this post contains any grammar mistake. English is not my first language i wrote down everything without any help.

First Chapter
Around five minutes later, a new smell began to overcome the ambient scent of honeysuckle and lavender; it was initially subtle; a few of his nasal hairs quivered as the unfamiliar scents became more concentrated. That was until he got within ten metres of a tree with thin, spindly branches covered with long, narrow leaves, and he was almost blown to his feet by the ungodly stench emanating from the plant.
There were no words to describe what it smelled like; the closest he could do was an open sewer combined with sweaty, unwashed feet and just a hint of vulture vomit, which was a memory he sincerely wished he could forget.
Samuel clamped his hand over his nose and held his breath; he looked to his right to find that Tamara was not there. After looking behind him, he saw her standing ten metres away, apparently knowing not to get too close.
He held his breath until his lungs burned, his head became dizzy, and the desire to breathe was too great. With immense reluctance, he took in a gulp of the air and immediately felt his stomach churn.
He remembered what they were. Durian, famous for their pungent odour, and if he was right, many claimed they were the most wonderful food in the world. Now that Samuel knew what they were, he decided he must try them.
“Told you it was bad,” Tamara called.
Samuel tried to reply, but when he opened his mouth, he felt the air sting his tongue.
Deciding not to speak, he walked up to the tree. He heard a sickly squelching as his feet crushed the fruit rotting on the ground as he walked. Samuel examined the tree for a few seconds, carefully inspecting each fruit; each one was around the size of his head; they were a deep green similar to the leaves, and their skin was covered in an array of vicious-looking spikes.
Samuel found one he believed was ripe and then plucked it from the branches. As soon as the fruit was firmly in his grip, he turned on his heels and dashed straight for Tamara.
As he left the terrible miasma behind him, he stopped, hunched over, and practically drank the sweet pollen-laden air. However, he was sure that, by tomorrow, he would continue to complain that it was far too muggy beneath the trees.
“So, how was it?” Tamara asked, almost mockingly.
Samuel brought himself to his full height, took a deep breath and said, “Not too bad, actually.”
Tamara rolled her eyes at this pointless bravado.
“Well, at least he hasn’t got any brain damage,” Tamara spoke inside her head. She sniffed the air and noticed the unmistakable smell of the fruit. “I hope you don’t intend to kiss anyone after eating that thing,” she spoke aloud.
“I live alone in a cave. My only friends are a twelve-year-old girl and a centaur that is probably over two hundred miles away; just who exactly am I going to kiss?” he asked rhetorically.
They moved a few extra metres away to ensure the tree would not bother them and sat down under the branches of a particularly tall sycamore. After he had gotten himself comfortable, Samuel set about the task of cracking open the husk.
It was a tough job; the fruit was surprisingly unwilling to give up, but after making an incision with the knife he kept by his waist and a mighty pull, the skin finally fell away.
A fresh wave of pungent air attacked Samuel’s nose, and he let out a small splutter. The spike-laden husk made a few needle holes in his skin, but he dismissed them. He had suffered much worse. With a quick flick of his wrist, he discarded the husk and looked inside. The appeared to be a chamber, and inside was a large yellow mass that looked, if done so correctly, like a giant grub.
Tamara leaned over Samuel’s soldier and said: “you eat the yellow bit, but be careful; there are two or three large seeds inside there.”
Samuel grasped the soft flesh in his hands, part of him expecting it to squirm, and lifted it into his mouth. With only a moment’s pause, he took a small bite, and with that, the horrid smell became a distant memory; all he could think about was the heavenly taste on his tongue.
The flesh had the consistency of custard, but it tasted like caramel, and before he knew it, he was scarfing down every last piece, even small pieces that got caught on his clothes. The great taste was not unusual. Every food he had ever eaten in this place had been far superior to anything back home, but this fruit was, by a vast margin, the best.
“I suppose it’s good then,” said Tamara.
“Hmm,” was Samuel's reply.
“Well, do you think we could get moving now? You've been sitting there with your eyes closed for well over ten minutes,” Tamara brought up. Samuel suddenly realised she was right and snapped his eyes open, his cheeks flushing red with embarrassment.
Samuel stood up and, without a word, started to walk toward the village. Tamara followed suit, but after about twenty steps, Samuel had an idea. He returned to the same spot he had sat and gathered up every durian seed he had discarded. He pocketed them and then continued.
It was another thirty minutes before the atmosphere of the forest changed. Where once there had been only the sound of rustling leaves, the calls of animals and Tamara and Samuel’s conversations, now there was the unmistakable noise of people. Now that they could hear the other residents, the pair knew they must soon part; Samuel was not welcome here.
It was not that he had done some great crime; in truth, he had saved many of their lives. Samuel was simply human; in this world, human was merely another word for monster or demon. Suddenly, the trees vanished and were replaced by a sizeable wheat-filled field.
Samuel stared out over the ocean of grass. He had seen it many times, but that was almost always at dusk. In the full light of day, it was far more magnificent. Something caught Samuel’s eye, and he sharply turned his head to see a figure in the distance heading towards them.
Instinctually, Samuel darted behind a tree and ensured that no part of him was visible. Tamara had not noticed the person coming towards them; she had been far too focused on trying to decipher what was being said in the distance, almost impossible, but she enjoyed it nonetheless and was startled by both Samuel’s sudden movement and when a voice said: “Hello Tamara.”
Tamara wheeled around to see the smiling face of Mrs Verity and instantly knew why Samuel had done it.
She smiled back and replied, “Good afternoon, Mrs Verity. How are you today?”
“I’m fine, a little tired, but that’s life,” Mrs Verity replied.
Mrs Verity was not a Lamia; she was a Cicindeli, meaning she was part insect. She had bright purple hair coming from beneath it were two antennae. Her eyes were compounded, like a bee’s, and shimmered with iridescent colours.
Her hands and arms were covered in purple chitin, which shone brilliantly in the sun and was reminiscent of an elegant long glove. She wore a dull brown tunic, uncommon amongst these people as they mostly wore vibrant colours. Finally, she wore no shoes as her legs and feet, which ended in two, almost claw-like, toes covered in the same material as her arms and travelled past her knees.
“But I’m surprised you’re usually out until dusk. Is everything ok? You’re not hurt, are you?” Mrs Verity asked, concern unmistakable in her voice.
Tamara face contorted into a faint scowl. Though her words were compassionate, they also contained fear and loathing of the man Tamara spent her time with.
“Why would I be hurt?” Tamara answered with a tiny flicker of anger.
Mrs Verity looked at the ground and rubbed her feet on the dirt. The people of the world had a fascinating ability; they could understand from the subtlest of gestures, muscle twitches and changes in posture, things that Samuel could not even detect, the emotional state of another, provided they had enough time to get to know someone.
So to Mrs Verity, Tamara's faint scowl was the equivalent of a massive scream of rage.
Tamara was angry, but mostly, she was tired. It had been over two years, and everyone was still frightened of Samuel. It was true that he had injured Mr Kimday and his dog, but that had only been in self-defence.
Tamara sighed and said: “I’m fine, thank you for asking.”
Mrs Verity perked up; Tamara was quite frightened when angry and then asked: “so what are you going to do now?”
“I think I will just head home and work on these books,” she replied, patting the satchel hanging by her side.
Mrs Verity looked at the bag and said: “Oh, I’ve heard of them. Everyone keeps talking about them. Does it really have those squiggles in them that make words!”
Tamara was taken aback. No one since Aarush had ever shown any interest in writing. Tamara was silent for a few seconds until her brain caught up with her ears.
“Umm, yes, would you like to see one?” She was finally able to say. Mrs Verity nodded with unmistakable excitement, and Tamara reached into it and pulled out the first one she grabbed.
The title on the brown leather cover was “An Encyclopaedia of Local Fauna”, and she displayed it to Mrs Verity.
The Cicindeli woman’s eyes scanned the cover but could not find anything special or interesting, so she said: “I can’t hear anything.”
Tamara chuckled and said, “It doesn’t speak; you see these? Tamara ran her finger underneath the title, and Mrs Verity nodded.
Tamara continued, “Well when you learn how to read, you can.” She paused for a moment, “Umm, what’s the right word… understand them in your head.”
Mrs Verity’s face was still one of confusion; however, Tamara had expected it when Tamara was still learning she had been precisely the same. “It’s not something you just know you have to learn, just like everything else,” Tamara said reassuringly.
The young Lamia opened the book and started on the first page; this was titled “Romerolagus diazi (Volcano Rabbit)” Underneath this was an exquisite picture. On the next page was an in-depth description of the animal, including size, diet and habitat, to name a few.
Several minutes were spent explaining what certain words were and how each squiggle represented a sound. Mrs Verity kept pointing at words that caught her interest, and it only grew with each passing second until she asked: “How did you come up with this?”
Tamara looked at her and replied, “I didn’t; Samuel taught me.”
Mrs Verity's demeanour changed instantly. She recoiled from the book as though it was poison, and her face turned from fascination to fear. Mrs Verity’s breathing became heavy, and her eyes darted from the Tamara to the trees.
“He just wants to help,” said Tamara.
Behind one of the trunks was Samuel, his fist clenched tight with sadness and anger. He was used to this treatment, but that did not make it easier. He let out a faint but distinct growl as he tried to suppress his emotions.
Suddenly, a shout came, “What was that?”
Back by the wheat field, Tamara, who was not angry this time but deeply disappointed, as it had, after all, been going so well, said, “I’m sure it was just a deer.”
Then added, “Maybe you should head home, Mrs Verity. I think you have to discuss crop distribution with Mr Clachas.”
Mrs Verity nodded and headed towards the village, yet she seemed reluctant to entirely turn her back and put as much distance between her and the forest edge. When Mrs Verity was far enough away, Tamara headed into the forest and found Samuel sitting down with his knees tucked to his chest.
As Tamara entered his field of view, he looked at her and said: “well, that was fun.”
“I’m sorry,” said Tamara, her head drooped and her voice filled with sadness.
Samuel’s became confused. “What do you have to be sorry about?” he asked.
Tamara looked up from the ground and replied: “because of what Mrs Verity did, it was wrong of her to treat you like a monster.”
Samuel stood up and walked up to her.
When he was face to face with her, he said, “It’s not your fault, Tamara.” There was a brief pause. “And it’s not Verity’s either; she did not do that out of malice. She did it out of ignorance, and neither of you should feel bad on my account.” Tamara fell forward and rested her head on Samuel’s chest.
“You are impossibly kind,” she said in a hush.
Samuel smiled and gave her a giant hug, “Thank you. I try my best.”
After hugging for about a minute, Samuel patted Tamara on the back and said, “We can’t stay like this for too long. People will start asking questions,” after which he chuckled.
Tamara stood up and smiled back. “What are you going to do when you get home?” she asked.
Samuel gave a cheeky grin, “Well, I got a lot of other villages to terrorise, umm, some small children to frighten, and a few beds I got to hide under, so all in all, a lot of work to do.”
Tamara laughed, and Samuel laughed; between the laughs, Samuel was able to say, “I’ll probably work on that vest and check the garden.”
After this, Tamara replied, “After all the screaming?”
Samuel answered, “Of course, I mean, I’m booked in. What would the world do without a human to make it wet its pants?”
The laughter died down, but the smiles did not, and Tamara said: “I probably won’t be there tomorrow. I got some work to do, but I should be around the next day.”
Samuel nodded to show his understanding, and the two hugged once more. “Goodbye,” Tamara said.
“See you soon” he replied.
Samuel watched Tamara walk away, trailing her colossal tail behind her until she was entirely out of sight. He closed his eyes and took in the sounds of the forest and village. As the sound of all those people laughing, arguing and playing together filled his mind, Samuel suddenly felt a great pang of regret and longing. The feeling grew stronger; he felt as though he would drop to the ground and cry.
Suddenly, as if his emotions had tripped a circuit breaker, he remembered what the villagers had named their home “The Deep Forest Village” so named because it was a village deep in the forest.
“That’s so lazy,” he whispered. As this filled his mind, he suddenly felt better.
He opened his eyes and headed back into the forest. He did not enjoy travelling through the woods alone; it always seemed to take twice as long. Samuel looked up towards the canopy; the leaves blocked out most of the light, but there was still enough to see by. Now that he thought about it, this was the first sight that greeted him when he arrived here.
There was no explanation Samuel could give that made any sense, both to himself and everyone else. One day, he had been in his room, minding his own business, playing a video game; strange, but he could not remember what it was.
Then there was a blinding flash, intense noise, and he could taste pineapple off all things; he hated pineapple, after which he found himself here, alone.
Samuel rubbed his right ring finger. It was a coping mechanism when he was nervous, frightened or upset.
He sighed and said: “Oh, what are you complaining about, Samuel? You don’t have it so bad; you’re still alive for one thing.”
It took no thought to move through the forest; he knew it all so well it was no different than when he used to walk home from the shops, and though it did not feel like it, it did not take long to reach home.
Samuel stood before a cave on the side of a large mountain; the stone was rough, as though it had endured centuries of erosion. Outside the cave’s mouth was a set of wicker fences. Behind them were seven long rows of fruit and vegetables: potatoes, carrots, peas, parsnips, cabbage, yams and tomatoes.
These provided Samuel with the bulk of his food, with the forest's fruit and a steady fish supply rounding out the rest. Tamara occasionally brought him something different, like a steak or a kangaroo leg.
Partially covered by the cave roof was a fire pit with a wooden spit and several stands for cooking pots. The pit was covered in half-burnt wood, charcoal and a fine bed of ash.
He reached into his pockets and took out several of the Durian seeds. Samuel has a theory about the trees in this place; if he were right, no matter what he did, he would not be able to grow them.
Samuel headed toward the cave and took out a shovel resting against the cave wall. He picked a spot about one hundred meters away from the entrance; if he was wrong he did not want the stench of the fruit bothering him every morning, and began to dig.
He set up six holes and placed two seeds in each one. He covered them up and patted each one. This left him with only two seeds, but he pocketed them. Samuel would deal with them tomorrow. He set the shovel back in its place and inspected the garden.
He performed this ritual at least twice daily, once in the morning and once in the evening. He inspected the soil to ensure it was moist and that no animals infested it; leather jackets could be nasty. The earth was fine, and after a thorough analysis of the plants themselves, he found only a few snails and caterpillars had been munching away, so he removed them and placed them on a tree.
Samuel remembered back to the time he had first arrived. Back then, he had called this cave “the extension,” but he had stopped using it over time. Now that he did not need to hide as much as before, he considered it a full part of his home.
As he returned to the garden, he noticed that two carrots and one parsnip were missing; he stopped in his tracks. Samuel glanced over his shoulder, his head swerving from side to side, looking for anyone nearby and keeping his ears pricked for any voices, but he saw and heard nothing.
This was bad; the villagers knew where he lived, but they were so terrified of him that nobody, except Tamara, would come within half a mile of his home. This left him with only one option: somebody else, someone new, had arrived and taken his vegetables, and that meant that they had no idea that a human lived here, and that meant that if they saw him, all hell could break loose.
Then, after a terrible thought, he rushed into the cave and looked for a large black slab on the floor. Underneath this stone was the hidden entrance to his home, a massive underground cavern; he ran his finger through a small crevice around the slab.
His fingers shook from the adrenaline pumping through his veins, and they frantically felt there way around until he grasped a small twig and breathed a loud sigh of relief.
That twig was a security measure; when the slab was moved, it would, without fail, fall into the tunnel below, so if it was still there, no one could be down there. Samuel let himself fall backwards, hitting the stone floor with a thud. He took deep breaths, and soon, he could think clearly again.
Samuel re-examined the garden; he considered that he had panicked for no reason. Perhaps an animal had taken his vegetables, but they more Samul saw, the more he realised that this was not the case.
Firstly, the fence had not been damaged in any way. Samuel had deliberately built the fence too high and placed too far away for any forest animal, the largest being deer, to reach across and snatch a quick bite.
Nothing had dug underneath because Samuel had placed a deep layer of stones under the earth. Finally, the plants had been pulled up firmly and cleanly; no animal could do that.
He found no footprints, but there was a small trail of earth leading back into the forest. Samuel followed it, but it petered out quickly, and after about thirty minutes, he could find no more signs.
“Bugger” he exclaimed.
Back at the cave, he considered how strange this theft was, assuming the thief had no idea that a human lived here. Not so unrealistic because until Samuel had shown up, he had been considered a myth similar to the bogeyman, and it puzzled him why they would steal from him.
The demi-humans had many unusual properties, and not all of them physical. Their most startling one, as far as Samuel was concerned, and that was linked to their ability to read emotions, was their ability to empathise; it was so great that none of them could even consider harming or wronging another or, to put it another way, there was no crime here.
Samuel was, of course, the exception to that rule. When he had first turned up, they had tried to run him down with dogs, strangle him and shoot him with arrows, but that had been motivated by fear, not cruelty.
The people of the village did not have locks on their doors; they could leave a treasured family heirloom in the middle of the street and be certain that it would either be left there or returned, and every single one of them walked around at night without fear.
“So I assume this was motivated by desperation,” Samuel mumbled to himself.
He would have to be cautious, keep his ears pricked and eyes open when he walked outside tomorrow, but apart from that, there was nothing more he could do. The day after tomorrow Samuel would discuss it with Tamara; hopefully, she might know who and what the culprit was.
For now, he still had chores to do and tea to cook. Samuel checked his wood supply; a large pile was arrayed at the back, furthest from the rain and wind, that was fine enough for several days at least.
Next to the wood was a large iron pail with a small shovel inside; the rest of the bucket was filled with ash, around a quarter full. This was far too low; he grabbed the handle, and his hand twitched slightly from the metal's uneven surface and cold temperature. He took it to the fire pit and began scooping the ash collected in the bottom.
The ash had several uses; it was great for putting out the fire at the end of the day, fertilising his vegetables, a fine de-icer in winter, a thin ring around his plants kept slugs and snails away, an excellent polish and cleaning agent for anything made of wood and metal, it was the only deodorant in this place, and Samuel could also use it to make soap, a handy little trick Tamara had taught him.
The pail was filled and put back in its place. Samuel checked the sky; it would still be bright and warm for a few hours, but it was best to start a fire when you didn’t need it rather than struggle when you did. He opened a pouch attached to his hip and took out some thin pieces of bark, flint, and an iron ring called a striker, one more gift from Tamara.
He hit the flint with the striker, and several sparks erupted from the iron. He caught them on the kindling, placed this in a larger pile and blew. There was nothing at first, but steadily, the papery bark began to smoke, and the ember became a flame.
Over the next five minutes, he added more wood until the fire was finally finished. Samuel had done this many times and became so proficient that it took little effort.
Samuel sat down on a raised, flattened rock by the fire pit. He looked to his right to see a large wooden box sheltered by the shade of the cave. It was empty right now, but come winter, he would use it to store all the fruit and vegetables he would need. Thankfully, that was still several months away.
It was moments like these that Samuel both loved and dreaded. It was utterly serene; the wind gently blew the tree leaves, the birds chirped and danced through the sky, and the sun shone brightly; the finest artist in the world would have struggled to capture this place’s majesty.
Unfortunately, this same tranquillity was the problem; he had nothing to do, and when this happened, his mind started to wander. “Hey,” someone called. Samuel, startled by the voice, glanced everywhere; for a moment, he believed that the thief had returned. Yet Samuel realised that the sound appeared to come from all directions.
He shook his head, trying to cast it from his mind, but the voice returned.
“Run!” It demanded. After the brief shock and tensing of his legs, Samuel relaxed and paid it no attention; he knew that the voice was not real, that it was just a figment of his imagination.
Samuel’s time and experiences here had not left him without scars; some of these had been physical, like the time he had broken his leg, but the worst, by far, were the ones you could not see. Whenever he was alone, his mind played tricks on him; he heard voices, not his or those of anyone he knew, and they always said the strangest things.
Sometimes, they would ask him pointless questions such as why is that rock bigger, but other times, they would tell him to do things or point out non-existent threats. What was aggravating was even though he knew the voices were in his head, whenever they actually happened, he was always caught out and believed, if only for a moment, that they were real.
Despite this, Samuel was proud that he had not listened to them yet, and he was not without relief. They would stop if he was with anyone or focused on a task.
Rubbing his finger, Samuel stood up and collected a piece of wood from the pile around the length and width of his forearm. Then, he took out his knife and began to carve.
There was no plan, just the resistance of the wood as his knife pulled off small shavings of wood. This knife was his most treasured possession; it was the first present Tamara had ever given him. The handle was made from Oak and carved into the handle has a very crude portrait of Samuel. The blade was iron and polished to a mirror sheen.
As he carved, the voice became more distant as though each slice was fighting it off until it ceased entirely. Samuel was calm once again, and the item was taking shape; it would have been a deer, but he made a mistake, and now it was a squirrel.
Samuel put the finishing touches; he realised that several hours had passed, the fire was dying down, the sun was low on the horizon, and his stomach was growling again. He chucked a few pieces of wood onto the fire and placed the squirrel carving gently beside him.
He returned the knife to its sheath and then stood up. He moved slowly toward the slab on the cave floor, carefully fished the small stick from the gap, and placed it on a stone. It was made from a smooth dark rock and was heavy, but with a bit of effort, he could lift it up and push it out of the way.
As the slab moved, a gust of dry heat rushed passed his face and sucked all the moisture from his lips. The dying light revealed a small set of stairs leading to a long, dark corridor. He descended to the bottom and waited. The sun did provide enough light to see by, but it still took a few moments to get used to the gloom.
Samuel looked back but was almost blinded by the stark contrast in light; he raised his right hand to shield his eyes and used his left to feel for a large wooden rack he knew was there. His fingers grasped around a soft, flat, scaly object, and he removed it from the frame with a small movement, up and back.
He climbed back up to the cave and sat back on his seat. The item he had grabbed was a smoked fish. The flesh had been tanned by the wood smoke and kept incredibly fresh by the dryness of the corridor.
Yet it was not at its finest at the moment; it was far too dry, so he reached for a clay jug and bowl beside the wooden chest. It was filled with water and delightfully chilled by the shade of the box and cave. It was not ideal; he would have preferred some orange juice but needs must. He filled the bowl with a small amount of water and then dipped the fish inside, covering every bit.
The fish was then skewered with a specially prepared stick, sharpened at one end and hardened in the fire. He then propped the fish by the fire so the heat could warm it, continually inspecting and turning it to ensure it did not burn.
It was done in just a few minutes, the water now floating away in a fine haze. Samuel carefully pulled off flesh strips and placed them in his mouth. It was marvellous; the water had done little, but even so, it still danced along his taste buds; the firm, slightly crumbly texture was fantastic.
The food here was beyond compare. Samuel had believed he had known the height of cuisine at that fancy restaurant his family used to take him to on his birthday, but this put all of it to shame, and although the effect had lessened with time, it was still marvellous.
There was no savouring it; Samuel devoured it in under a minute, and as the fish settled in his stomach, he felt great calm. He washed his meal down with the rest of the water in the bowl and placed both it and the jug in its rightful place.
Samuel then yawned and felt his eyes grow heavy; he rubbed his eyes with one hand and scratched his stubble with another.
“Almost time for bed,” he mumbled. He got up, collected the pail he had filled just a few hours ago, and poured shovelfuls over the fire. At first, the fire took no notice and continued to burn brightly, but as more and more ash covered the wood, the flames began to fade until only a few embers remained.
The shovel fell into the pail with a loud metallic clunk, and Samuel put it back in its place. There was, however, a slight deviation in his evening ritual; he took several steps out of the cave and scanned his surroundings, looking for any sign of the thief. After five minutes, he was satisfied.
He re-entered the cave and climbed back down the stairs, his footsteps echoing slightly down the corridor’s empty walls. Samuel sat on one of the steps and dragged the slab over the entrance. As the slab cut off more and more light, he took one last moment to examine the cave; it was still and silent but for a crackle made by the firewood.
“A problem for tomorrow” he whispered. The slab was lowered, and the darkness was now total.
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Synopsis:
Juliette Contzen is a lazy, good-for-nothing princess. Overshadowed by her siblings, she's left with little to do but nap, read … and occasionally cut the falling raindrops with her sword. Spotted one day by an astonished adventurer, he insists on grading Juliette's swordsmanship, then promptly has a mental breakdown at the result.
Soon after, Juliette is given the news that her kingdom is on the brink of bankruptcy. At threat of being married off, the lazy princess vows to do whatever it takes to maintain her current lifestyle, and taking matters into her own hands, escapes in the middle of the night in order to restore her kingdom's finances.
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Action, Fantasy, Copious Ohohohohos.
Chapter 242: Season's Reprise
A familiar snap resounded in my mind, ringing like a gong.
The fact I could refer to this as ‘familiar’ after only a single occurrence was appalling.
Granted, to be taken away from the steps of the Adventurer’s Guild was something I’d usually be extremely grateful for … particularly at a speed which I needed to train my servants to adopt as the new standard.
But that was assuming I was stolen away somewhere nice!
Somewhere warm! Somewhere comforting! Somewhere with a platter of hot scones and oodles of freshly made marmalade waiting for me!
Instead–
There was a twilight sky.
Dawn and dusk danced together above me like the notes of a grand symphony whose conductor had been the first to escape the ordeal.
Here was a song which has been occurring since before the first waves met the shoreline. A mesmerising horizon more vivid than any memory. It was less a sky and more a tapestry of dreams, its colours drawn from a palette dipped into the mind of a child without restraint.
A truly wondrous sight.
And one I’d already dismissed before.
I could do so again.
After all–as wonderful as this twilight sky was, it was not my sky. And until the day the fae learned this crucial detail, I would fail to be enraptured.
A shame.
For if my eyes were busy staring at the sky, I’d be spared from staring at a pile of bricks instead.
Assorted upon a cake rack, a variety of bricks of different colours and textures waited upon the wooden saddle of a rocking horse. A vibrant songbird pecked at it. And then it was joined by more, the scavengers fluttering forth from the green crystalline trees which surrounded me in this meadow.
If, indeed, a meadow is what this was.
A slide of bramblewood, twisting and turning from a height to make any child look up in joy.
A climbing frame of vines, held together across a wall of tightly knitted branches.
A sandbox of petals, forming a pile dense enough to roll in.
A hopscotch court, the squares outlined with giant daisies.
It was a playground … and its most popular apparatus was a swing made of crystalline leaves.
Slowly swinging backwards and forwards, it was sat upon by an elven girl with mirror-like wings, reflecting an image of a faultless spring day like another world within it.
A child no older than those sent to shadow my maids of noble lineage to learn how best to shame their family with a single cup of tea. Possessing eyes of shimmering silver, she toyed with a large braid before her shoulder, as green as the leaves which surrounded us.
She blinked at me.
Then, she offered an innocent smile as sweet and deceptive as her large eyes could muster.
“Welcome, Your Highness, to the Court of Eternal Spring.”
Still lightly swinging, she gestured with both hands towards the pile of bricks sat upon a rocking horse now being fought over by the crystalline songbirds. Here and there, I saw a few wafers of feathers being lost amidst the melee.
“Would you like a brick?” she asked.
I raised a brow as my only acknowledgement.
My first words were important. I wouldn’t waste it on declining her bricks. Not when the sight of me leaning away from the creatures did that. And so I busied myself with tapping the grass instead.
Not quite my orchard. But nothing was.
Even so, I could feel its springiness as much as the magic baked within it, unmasked before the judging touch of the tip of my boot. But I expected no less from one who would call spring her own.
The scent of white portulacas was an interesting addition, however.
A warm fragrance, nostalgic and comfortable, bringing with it a memory of a lakeside picnic.
Ah. I remembered that day. Roland was insufferable. Even more than usual. He’d ordered the scones to be glazed with lemon instead of marmalade. Even now, my face creased from the zestiness. Tristan and Florella were dancing. My brother would shortly be sent to the Loerstadt Gate and didn’t understand the need to practise. But we all knew he enjoyed it more than any of us did. Clarise was suffering. The way her porcelain skin was shining with contact from the sun caused the venomous carp to crowd by the edge of the lake, hoping if they flailed enough they’d somehow reach her.
A wonderful memory. And not entirely by accident.
But try as this queen in the guise of a child might to dull my guard, I could hardly forget that the white portulacas of my memories grew by a lake riddled with more than venomous carp.
They also contained lures cast by fishermen … made using hair from their own beard.
I’d seen them do it … pluck it … one by one … twisting it around hooks like sewing work with a needle.
A sight so horrific I now needed written assurances that none of the perches meunières I ate were sourced from that lake. And almost enough to make the bricks appear appetising.
Almost.
And so I instead left them to one side as I approached the elven girl upon her swing.
An unorthodox throne. But I was hardly one to judge the chairs of queens in their domains.
After all, if my mother could sit on a chestnut mare which was snorting in the face of the Granholtz ambassador, then I hardly took issue with a child’s swing.
And so–I at last offered the courtesies expected of a princess before fellow royalty.
A smile chiselled to practised perfection.
A curtsy measured by the eyes of my etiquette tutors.
And most of all, the traditional greeting when treating with a ruler of the Fae Realm. An ancient and powerful queen, older than stone and wiser than dragons.
“I demand to know where the exit is.”
“There is no exit.”
I threw up my arms in outrage.
“This … This is scandalous!”
“Yes, I agree. Are you certain you won’t try a brick? They’re quite nice.”
“I do not want a brick! I want the exit! This … This is outrageous! Just because I’m a beautiful princess doesn’t mean I can be kidnapped at the click of a finger! I … I have rights! All of them! Do I look like some curio from a troll’s basement? You cannot steal me at will! Not unless you’re a dragon. Are you a dragon?!”
The elven child blinked sweetly at me.
“I am the Spring Queen.”
A simple answer, spoken with all the unapologetic tone it deserved, as though I needed nothing else.
Well … I refused to accept it!
“You being the Spring Queen is as relevant to me as the laws of time are whenever I hear a servant sneeze! I expect them to go back into the past and prevent themselves from doing so–just as I expect you to reverse the past minute to a time where I wasn’t sucked into the Fae Realm!”
The absolute gall of this!
Why, I’d already been sent into a farmer’s soul today! Now I was in the Fae Realm!
At this rate, I may as well order a carriage prepared! If I was going to be dragged to sights I had no wish to see, then I’d at least have a corner I could sleep through the entire experience in!
“As the ruler of the Spring Court, I can bend the wind,” she said, still with her innocent smile. “But no matter how far behind me I send it, I’m afraid that reversing time is a feat even I cannot do.”
“Then do something you can. Snap your fingers like some noblewoman barely wealthy enough to afford her first disloyal hirelings and return me to where I was.”
“I cannot.”
“Why can you not?”
“My hands are occupied.”
The Spring Queen held onto her ropes of crystalline leaves forming the swing. She began to propel herself backwards and forwards with slightly more enthusiasm.
I stilled the groan of distress which wished to leave.
To offer a reaction was to lose. I would not allow the satisfaction. I was a princess. And this meant I represented the pride of my kingdom.
Thus–I did the next best thing.
I rolled my eyes so far to the side I could almost spy the Summer Court from here.
“Do you not require some stolen crown in order to bring your magic to bear?” I asked plainly.
“My crown is one of pollen, petals and dreams. Where these exist, so too do I. As the Spring Queen, I am not constrained by snow, flames and dead things as my sisters are.”
“And so you whisk mortals away at your leisure?”
“My leisure? Not at all. I was prompted. And neither mortal nor fae can deny the call of the cue. I’ve seen empires rise and fall, Princess Juliette. Tyrants and heroes who could command hearts as easily as they could spear them, whose names are now sung only in the barrows where they are buried. Yet no matter the passing of the years, punctuality has never not been important.”
She slowed her swings.
Releasing a hand from her swing, she drew a picture in the air. A childish portrait of a man and a woman. And yet even without knowing their faces or their names, I knew who they were.
“That’s right,” she said with a bat of her eyelashes. “I was called. And I answered. A wish to return the mother and father of the former Lady Renise Rimeaux back to the non-drooling realm. A modest plea, far different to the usual wreaths of power those who think of me hope to see placed upon their heads. And one I am willing to consider.”
I raised a finger of my own, drawing a window to my raised brows.
“Is that so? … How very charitable. To think that the busy ruler of the Spring Court would take time from her corner of eternal twilight merely to offer a maid an act of benevolence. Yet you appear to have dragged the wrong person. Should she not be the audience to your generosity?”
The Spring Queen shrugged.
“I wished to meet you,” she said simply. “I heard wonderful things from my sister. The Winter Queen derives great amusement from your antics.”
My mouth widened with indignation.
“E-Excuse me! Do not insinuate my quest to relieve the pillow makers of the world from destitution is anything less than noble! My antics? Why, without me, their entire industry would be ruined!”
I paused as a sudden feeling of suspicion tugged at the corner of my mind.
“... Moreover, how exactly does the Winter Queen derive any amusement? The last I recall, she was stuck in a featureless room. One now without even a bed to laze upon. My promise was to regale her with an evening of my time later. Not before.”
The Spring Queen’s idle swinging paused.
Then, she tilted her head slightly.
“Hm? Did I say something?”
“What are you not telling me?!”
“Nothing.”
“This is clearly not nothing! What am I not being told?!”
“There’s nothing to be told. Especially not from a slip of the tongue. And so I subtly divert your attention away from matters concerning breaches of privacy and towards answering the earnest wish of the maid currently wondering if she should wipe the drool forming upon your lips.”
I reached forwards and grabbed the Spring Queen’s shoulders.
“S-Send me back!” I demanded, shaking her as the swing threatened to collapse. “I cannot be seen drooling even whilst alone! What if one of the louts in that guild sees me in such an undignified state?! This … This is a life or death situation! For them!”
“You’ve little to fear. An adventurer did attempt to step outside. But the clockwork doll pushed the door back into his face. He is now being pried from a wall. The rest now prepare to spend the night inside unless she leaves.”
C-Coppelia!
As ever, her loyalty, physical strength and lack of empathy is a glowing commendation on her character!
“And now to matters of generosity,” said the Spring Queen, casually beginning her swinging anew. “I wouldn’t want you to see me as only willful. I am willing to offer your kingdom those who conducted where the sewage ran in your royal capital, to judge as you see fit. Upon the last day of spring, Damien and Sabilla Rimeaux may awaken from their eternal slumber.”
The sweet smile upon her face never budged. I met it with my own, even if for some reason it looked exactly like a frown of deep suspicion.
“Very well. I accept. Will that be all?”
“Not in the slightest. I said I am willing to offer. I desire something in return.”
“In that case, you needn’t fear that I see you as willful. I see you only as delirious.”
“Oh? And why would this be? Even as the ruler of dreams, I cannot remove those from eternal slumber derived from my own sister’s wine with a click of my finger. It will require two, actually. One for both. A taxing affair. But one I’m willing to consider, providing my only wish is met.”
I leaned forwards, ensuring that every morsel of my unimpressed expression could be seen.
“Spring Queen. Accepting the return of two criminals is a concession on my part. Not a desire. You are severely overestimating how much I value smugglers if you believe I will answer any whim.”
“... Am I? I do not offer two nameless criminals. I offer the Smuggler King and the Smuggler Queen.”
“Two criminals with scandalous titles, then. If it were possible for me to offer less than nothing, I would.”
“Then you would deny yourself the knowledge, the connections and the resourcefulness to grant your kingdom what it currently lacks. A means to stand firm against the shadows which crawl ever in the small hours of the night. As bright as your will shines, Your Highness, even you must sleep.”
“Sleep which will be better in the knowledge I’ve not indulged the whims of the fae only to reinvigorate the underbelly of my royal capital. I seek to lift my brother’s weight. Not add to it.”
“Then allow me to lessen that weight–at least so far my wish is concerned.”
Suddenly, the Spring Queen stopped swinging.
Her smile widened as she stretched out her arms, gesturing to all the Fae Realm and beyond.
“... I ask for nothing more than what you have already offered before, Princess of Tirea. My desires are no different from any fae, not least my sisters.”
And then–
She giggled, her silver eyes flashing ominously.
“I wish to be entertained.”
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So, I'm over 900 hours into this game, but Season 8 has had at least two missions so far where I needed to Google for help. I'm venting about this because it feels like the devs just got lazy.
The first was transporting garbage containers. You grab four of them and I guess the first two get consumed at the junkyard as part of an unrelated mission. Then you end up two short to complete your mission. Great. No map indicators anywhere where I might find more. Google. Wow that's dumb there's extra at the train station, unmarked. This never happens, except in Season 8 apparently.
The second which I just completed was Treasure Hunt in the Heartland. Searched all the nearby swamps. Had to Google what I was missing. Oh, it's the container sitting in another swamp in the middle of the map. Ok.. but I had explored the entire map and could see it sitting there, unmarked. I ended up delivering it, unmarked, to complete the mission. According to the mission you need to scan for it with the metal detector... great. I thought perhaps it was hidden in deep water somewhere, kind of like that one mission to retrieve plane parts in the frozen river in the Russia region. Nope, it's just sitting there unmarked until you point a metal detector at it.
Am I the only one that finds this annoying? I hope there's no more "gotchas" in this season but I've already had to haul farm equipment around like crazy and one of them even got stuck in the road mesh.