Firstly, I am not exactly sure what kind of advice I'll want to hear... I guess I just want to put the words out there, because this isn't exactly something I can talk to my boyfriend with, for obvious reasons.
So, we've known each other since October, been official since December. I've honestly never felt better in a relationship from the start, he's a wonderful man, basically a walking green flag. We're like 2 peas in a pod, truly. The amount of genuine harmony we experience in this relationship boggles my mind... and his, too, I think. We've both been married before and each have 2 kids, so life hasn't exactly been kind to us, relationship wise. My divorce was 8 years ago (and I've had another relationship lasting for 6 years since), his was 2 years ago - and I am his first serious relationship since.
He's still very bitter about the way things have turned out for him. He's a very seriously committed man with a very deeply rooted sense of family, and he took the idea of "till death do us part" extremely seriously, when his ex-wife... well... did not. She left him for rather vague reasons, took quite a sum of money with her as she did... and left him UTTERLY disappointed with life. I know that he doesn't want HER back by any means, but he feels cheated out of the kind of life he had envisioned and carefully built up, before she tore it all down. He isn't happy with only having his kids part-time due to the divorce, and he sure as hell isn't happy about the financial situation she has dragged him into, and she generally tries her best to still make his life miserable, using the kids as bait to do so (which I witness often enough myself). She is truly a mean-spirited and selfish person.
She broke his ability to TRUST in promises of any kind, or as he likes to put it: "if a promise made before god can't be relied upon - and there are no other promises above that - what can ever be truly believed in anymore?" She also broke his will to make any plans for the future anymore that involve anyone else other than himself and his daughters, because every other person is a liability that potentially causes harm, and he can't rely on their word to not cause harm - because the person who promised to stick it through with him before god couldn't be relied upon, either, and there is no greater promise than that.
For me, my marriage was abusive, and I was GLAD when I finally got out of it. When we separated, I didn't feel like my life or my kids' lives were "destroyed" by this, everything felt like a new beginning, a second chance at life, instead. A very different emotional place to be in, compared to his situation.
So here we are now. We vibe on very similar levels, are extremely compatible in all the ways that count, we make each others' lives much better simply by being in it, we truly make each other happy. I KNOW that he feels the same way about me, as I do about him, because he is not guarded in his emotional expression, and truly lets me feel it. I seriously have no doubt that he loves me - as I love him.
But here's the thing. He's not a man of words. I can only assume that he loves me from the way he acts around me, for the way he shows up for me, for the way he is reliable, for the things he does for me. I can only assume that he loves me, because he has introduced me to his small daughters, after having made it VERY clear from the beginning that he would never involve anyone in his kids' lives unless it was clear that the relationship is serious, and we're having the same goals, together. I can only assume that he loves me, because he IS making mid-terms plans with me, has introduced me to his whole family, and many friends, takes me to family functions and meet-ups with friends with him, and gladly joins me to hang out with my family and friends.
His love is implied by his actions.
I, however, really struggle with this. I have been "made" to believe by my ex husband that I am not worthy of true love, that I am not good enough to be loved, and that the person hasn't been born who might ever accept me and love me for the way I am. And everybody who thinks they might love me at first, will sooner or later figure out what a bitch I am, and leave me, as I deserve. My ex partner (the one after my ex husband) was polyamorous (while I am not), and even though I knew what I was getting myself into, I also always felt like I "wasn't enough" or "not good enough" to make him be happy with ONLY me. Like if only he loved me enough, the way I loved him, he wouldn't want to be with others in the first place.
I am in therapy and am working on this, and by now I actually know these things to NOT be true, but my mind spirals sometimes, and patterns are SO DAMN HARD to get out of.
When I look at my boyfriend, and when I feel all this love I have for him, my mind sometimes insists that it's absolutely IMPOSSIBLE that he might feel even a fraction of the same way for me, and to stop fucking kidding myself. I am not good at accepting implied knowledge and "feelings" as facts (I am also autistic), and I very much want him to finally SAY what he feels for me.
We're together for half a year... and he hasn't dropped the 3 words yet. It starts to make me feel insecure, and this is a toxic breeding ground for doubts that I really shouldn't have, based on what he genuinely let's me FEEL very consistently. Yet, I cannot understand why he's not saying it, when it seems very obvious to me that he feels it, so my stupid mind turns it into "he actually doesn't love me, otherwise he'd say it".
I am afraid that maybe his disappointment with what he thought was his "happily ever after" (as promised before god, which was SO important to him) keeps him guarded with his words, kind of as if an "I love you" would open him up for yet another big disappointment? (I also notice that he pulls back into himself and shuts me out whenever we talk about things we might do together in the FAR future - like as if he really doesn't allow himself to even entertain the thought that I might stick around for that long... to avoid being potentially disappointed. Mid-term plans... like maybe 5 years into the future... are totally okay, though.)
I don't want to be the one saying it first, because I feel it wouldn't be right... I feel like I need him to get to the point where he can say it all on his own. For that same reason, I cannot ASK him how he feels about me, or tell him that I want to hear those 3 words, finally. I want him to say them when it feels RIGHT for him, all on his own, but I can't deny that it starts to hurt me a bit that it doesn't seem necessary to him to put it into words. That he seems very content by the mutual implied understanding that we DO love each other, and that there is thus no need for words.
There is, though. There is, for me.
We'be just been on our very first vacation together, and it was wonderful in every way. Very loving, very harmonious, full of synergies, and equal ideas of what a good vacation should be like. I was hoping, he'd maybe take the opportunity... maybe during one of our long hikes against the majestic backdrop of the Alps, sitting on a green meadow, surrounded by wildflowers and buzzing bees... but no. And there have been a few "momentous" situations like this since that felt like a sort of build-up... and nothing.
I am afraid that we might slip into a relationship mode, where this mutual understanding of our feelings truly IS enough for him, and he'll never feel the need to put his feelings into words for me, when I just want to shout it from all rooftops.
How can I make him realize that verbalizing feelings is very important for me and for my stupid brain to accept them as facts, without making him feel pressured?

How should I approach this conversation with him in a way that won't be too hurtful?

I am a Chinese American (27F) who was raised by and currently lives with Chinese immigrant parents (I am also an only child if that makes a difference). My boyfriend (30M, I will refer to him as 'C') is Mexican American and we have been in a committed relationship for a short 6 months, dated for 4 months, and have also been close friends for 2 years before that. For someone who has constantly felt stuck and neglected in past long-term toxic relationships (due to my lack of self-worth at the time), I am finally with a partner who truly makes me feel unconditionally loved, secure, and happier. This is also the very first relationship I've been in where I can foresee a marriage in our future because we truly are two peas in a pod-- I genuinely believe I found my best friend for life and I never thought that day would come.
My parents have met my boyfriend before we've officially gotten together. Because I had an extra ticket to a concert with my parents, I saw no harm in inviting him because he also loved the band we were going to see. Long story short, my parents knew nothing of him except he was a friend (C and I were already dating 3 months in at the time) and were ok with me bringing whoever. Fast forward to recently, it has been 7 months since that concert and I told my parents in April of this year that C and I are official. My dad (58M) has always been the most liberal adult in my family regardless of being an immigrant from Hong Kong, so he wasn't worried. However, my mom made comments about how she wouldn't feel comfortable speaking English to him because he wasn't Chinese. For context, my past two long-term relationships were both Chinese males and at least 6' tall (more on that later...). My first ex did not speak fluent Mandarin while my latest ex was able to speak to my parents in Mandarin. From her comments, I assumed the language barrier was the problem and I considered it to be a valid concern of hers to address.. so I didn't think much of it. I made a mental note to try my best and help speak on behalf of my mom and translate for her if C and her do interact in the future. Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago, I planned an evening for my parents, C, and I to have dinner together so that I could finally introduce C as my boyfriend. It was fine overall-- C tried his best to keep conversations flowing and would ask my parents questions to get to know them. My dad (who can speak English) reciprocated the effort by asking him questions too. My mom, on the other hand, would go back and forth between scrolling on her phone and making some comments here and there during our conversation to show that she was putting in SOME effort. It triggered me that she wasn't making an effort to be present and made me feel that the dinner wasn't important enough for her to fully engage in because she "couldn't communicate with him".
Last week, my mom pulled me in to have a "conversation" with her about my relationship with C. I put quotation marks around "conversation" because it was just her venting and pointing out all the surface-level "flaws" she sees in him now that she knows C and I are officially together. I had no say in the "conversation" either because whenever I had something to say to correct her about C, she would interrupt me, refuse to listen, or follow it up with "I'm entitled to my opinion just like you are to yours." cue 'that's my opinion' meme. For additional contexts, here are the things she told me that could be very triggering to read, just like I am now as I type this:
"His face looks too Mexican." (he has a darker skin complexion compared to other Hispanics who have lighter skin)
"If I saw C in public without knowing who he is, I would have assumed he'd hang out in front of a Home Depot as a day laborer trying to get a job in landscaping or construction." (Trying to keep composure, I tried telling my mom that C has a background in Environmental Engineering in case it eases that "concern" but she didn't respond to it and proceeded to list out more "issues")
"He's too short. You couldn't find someone who's at least a bit taller than you? You're too good for that." (My boyfriend and I are both 5'5". He is the first boyfriend I've been with who did not fulfill my mom's height standards as my partner. She always expected me to be with someone who was at least 6'. Before I knew any better, I thought it would mean bonus points for me to be with someone of that height range so that I would have my mom's approval. But at the end of the day, those relationships were just not worth keeping because of how much it has negatively impacted me.)
"His smell is too strong and doesn't smell good." (She was talking about the cologne he had on at dinner, but all C was trying to do was to present himself in the best light possible to impress my parents)
"When you go out, I don't want you telling people you have a boyfriend, or else you will lose out on chances to find another boyfriend that is more suitable for you. You are still very young and have other options. If you say he treats you well, then you can find someone else who can treat you just as well."
"Mexicans are notorious for large numbers of family members-- it will be a very hard life for you to put yourself in that situation for the rest of your life."
"Knowing that C is vegetarian, it is unfair that you have to be the one to abide by his dietary restrictions when you love all food." (I tried telling her that I have the freedom to eat whatever I want including meat, and C doesn't care that I am not vegetarian. C even chose a Chinese restaurant that offered more meat options so that my parents wouldn't feel restricted. But she ignored me and moved on to other points.)
"Remember that our family is very family-oriented-- I can't even tell my sisters (referring to my aunts) that you have a boyfriend." (This already proved to me that she's not concerned about my happiness but her image from other people. After being so involved in C's family ever since he and I got together, I've realized that maybe my mom isn't as family-oriented as she thinks or I believe she is. C's family has welcomed me with open arms since day 1 and even celebrated the small victories I've achieved at school. I've never felt so loved and supported by a family that I am not blood-related with.)
"A partner's financial background is very important; he must be able to provide for you, or else you will have a tiring life." (She knows I am currently in school working towards a career that will help provide me financial stability because I would not want my partner to be the breadwinner. I also wanted to tell her that C is already a homeowner, which is difficult to achieve at this day and age, and that he has a stable job with livable pay. But of course, she doesn't give me the light of day to explain that to her.)
"Don't bother trying to invite us (referring to my mom and dad) to anything that C invites us to because we have no interest in being around him. I wouldn't want C to feel bad every time he invites us out because we will reject him either way." (Last week C wanted to invite my parents and I to watch a tribute band that we all love perform at a local Concerts in the Park event. I communicated this to my parents directly and they declined. To preface, at this point, my mother doesn't know how my dad feels about C so I hate how she decided for my dad.)
I'm on the fence about telling my boyfriend that my mom is racist towards him, but I think it's best if he knows. My boyfriend likes my parents, and he’s only trying to show them that he will do anything to support and keep me happy. I'm just afraid of hurting his feelings because I've been in the shoes of being with a partner with parents who wanted nothing to do with me when all I wanted was to get to know them and care for them as I do for my own family. I'm also afraid that it will add another layer of conflict on top of this conflict involving my mom. I wouldn't want C to view my mom in a bad light because at the end of the day, I do love my mom and she always wants the best for me even if it may not seem like it on the outside.
Knowing what I know now, it breaks my heart to hear my mother talk to me about my partner who is near and dear to my heart. C and I talk to each other about everything, from the mundane stuff that happens in our day-to-day to our deepest wounds from past traumas. We even thoroughly enjoy playing card games for couples that promote deep/uncomfortable conversations with one another. Hiding this huge aspect of my life from him is eating me up inside. On one hand, I feel it would be selfish of me to tell him if it ends up hurting him. On the other hand, I believe he deserves to know and not be left blindsided by what's going on behind his back. The last thing I want to do is to potentially jeopardize any relationship between C, my parents, and me if I see C in my future.
How should I approach this conversation with him in a way that won't be too hurtful?
TLDR: My Chinese immigrant mother (60F) is racist towards my Mexican American boyfriend (30M). How should I go about telling my boyfriend about it as it weighs heavy in my heart? My boyfriend likes my parents and I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I do feel that he deserves to know.

Sorry if I mess this up, I have never made a Reddit post. I female (25) and my husband (27) have been married for two years together for four. We are two peas in a pod literally, and I am so head over heels in love with him. My husband is a firefighter and I am a police officer. For reference, I work overnight (6pm-6am) usually 4-6 nights a week. My husband works 24 hours shifts every two days.
We purchased our own home two years ago, which we worked very hard for. We don’t spend a lot of time together due to our schedules and me being on night shift. Nonetheless, we persevere and we have gotten stronger together and make the most of our time we do have together. When we began dating, I found he was very close with his family. His parents live two states away from us (8 hour drive for context). I consider myself to be close with my family, calling them every week or so to check in and say hi. My husband is about the same, however ever since we’ve lived together his parents come visit and stay in our home for 2 weeks at a time. This has been very uncomfortable for me because I feel that it’s invasive and crossing boundaries. I especially think due to our work schedules and barely seeing each other as it is, it can be intrusive. The last time they came down, they were staying in our spare bedroom for two weeks. The night before they were leaving, my MIL said casually to my husband that they decided to stay four more days due to their dog sitter being able to stay longer. I thought this was rude and inconsiderate due to them already being in our home for two weeks, and most importantly not asking if it was okay for them to stay longer. It seems every time they come down it’s whenever is convenient for them, aside from our schedules. Ever since my husband and I have been together, they help themselves into our house as they please, because they know the code to our door and garage. It’s extremely difficult for me to sleep during the day because they are making noise and doing anything they want,even knowing I have to sleep to work the next day.
Today my husband said he was inviting 20+ of his family members over to our house this week for a party/dinner. I was excited, until he told me it was planned on a date and time that I was scheduled to work. I reminded him that I work that day, to which his response was “I know you work that day, but that’s the day my parents picked.” My response was “do they know I work that day” to which my husband said “yes they do”. This really upset me, because we could have easily done the day before, so I could be involved. I felt disrespected and unwanted, which upset me due to the fact this party was planned at OUR home. I told my husband I would have appreciated being included especially because it’s my home as well and I would like to cook/bake. I also feel sad, because his parents our on vacation their schedule is open. Them knowingly picking a day I work makes it feel like they don’t care if I’m there or not. I told my husband how I felt which he understood and apologized for not realizing the situation. He talked to his parents and agreed to change to date of the party at our house so I could attend.
I feel like this is just an example of me coming second to his parents, even though we are married. I also feel like his parents are invading our privacy and being inconsiderate to our work schedules. If they came for a weekend or 3-5 days I would be okay with that. But every time they stay with us, it’s minimum two weeks. In top of that, I am constantly cleaning after them and making sure they are entertained. I even feel guilty for sleeping during the day even though I have to work at night. Am I being an asshole, or does my husband need to set a boundary with his parents?

"There are demon haunted worlds, regions of utter darkness."
-Isa Upanishad
"To prepare for next semester, we will finish with theories on ideology." The overweight
man leaned heavily over the lectern. Tufts of hair jutted from his balding scalp. "The collective
conscience of us, from the very beginning. In its basic form, a theory of ideology is
construction." His voice came from his throat, a deep stirring. He scooted around the podium,
revealing himself. "The deconstruction of construction is ideology."
The professor took a big, sucking breath, flushing oxygen back into his overworked
lungs. "However, this is an introduction, so I will not overwhelm you. We will end with
something fun." Turning, streaks of sweat streamed down his back in collapsed waterfalls.
Suspender straps clung to his body in desperate straits. "A short film, together, we look closer.
Please pay attention."
His fingers clumsily worked the remote; bright buttons stood out upon its face, and our
eyes watched as he fumbled with the specter. Finally, the video appeared, and our eyes flew from
him to the screen. A tugboat sat still in the ocean, animated in a cartoonish style. A tall, blowing
smokestack tooted from a tug as it jumped merrily. A closer examination revealed live-action
minstrels working cheerfully ahead when disaster struck. Mevers wandered around the front of
the room, blocking the screen at times. He took substantial sucking breaths, followed by fits of
coughing. My eyes trailed him and his peculiar movements.
In a time of great stress, a crewmate clutches his chest in agony and writhes his way around the
deck. Panic strikes the crew, but none work together as a team. Instead, the deckhands are
ignorant of their situation.Mevers presses the red clicker at the moment of climax.
"Does anyone have any questions so far?" An audible groan formed as he started the
video back into motion.
A worker springs the release, and the anchor shoots up. The propeller begins its normal
twirl, pushing them forward and escaping to rescue; however, now the boat is speeding out of
control—all the crewmates combine in a hurricane of emotion, fighting for control of the
steering wheel. The video ends with the tug crashing into the shore. A dinky little tune churns
out as names sprawl down a black background.
"Ok, ok, ok, campers, let's chat. Who here…" Another sucking breath. "believes this has
anything to do with ideology?" Every hand shot up. "Promising. Can anyone tell me what the
anchor signifies?" Our hands went back down. Mevers pulled chalk from the cubby and
scribbled on the board.
"There were three crewmates onboard the ship. What did they signify?" There were a few
hands this time, but mine was not one of them. "Charlie, go ahead."
"The Id, Ego, and Superego." A pimply-faced boy squeaked out this answer.
"Excellent. The anchor signifies anxiety—the fundamental restriction..." For a moment,
he teetered—a white whale, the audience Ahab. Then he moved erratically to write once again.
"How do we best prepare our anchor?" His hand stopped as his words dissipated.
a man has something to find within
My eyes stayed on the words as the bell rang."I will see you all next semester." I remember Mevers well.
Construction
Three green lights faded to a soft yellow as I nudged my thumb. "Reactor level lowered."
An animatronic squelch blared through the loudspeakers. I nodded to the audit manager, who
tipped his cap and stepped back through the radiation shield. He moved briskly towards the
portal, never turning around. I raised my hand to flip three black levers in sequential order.
"Training protocol initiated." January fourteenth, a Shooters bikini calendar, bought as a
joke, reused since seventy-six, ran through my sightline. I stared a second longer than I should
have. My boots tapped across the metal grates as I returned to plant control. Blinking bulbs
flared in their familiar dance, a unique sequence of hypnotic lights running across my uniform. I
shimmied through the gap, sliding comfortably into my chair. Reactor nine supplied power to
station three. When time variance was outlawed, the name was changed, not much else. For a
while, people protested and requested audits. Slowly, they trickled to a crawl, and the occasional
crazy would run for it. I even had someone offer to buy my badge at the gate once. Thirty
thousand dollars. I smiled momentarily to slide past them.
"Training protocol 6789437 selected at random, per initiative RVL.765."
Men would be scrambling now, darting here and there. The screen poured in training
code. I cleared my throat, snapping out the microphone."Open leak in lower level." I scanned the code that ran overhead. Twelve-minute
countdown."
I had been a runner for twenty years, and running destroyed my knees, but now I sit in a
gel chair, which has ruined my gut.
A unique cipher I wrote to track data from the central core broke their code.
"Leak will occur between valve one-two-eight-nine-seven and one-two-eight-nine-eight.
Make it look real. Stop the leak at six minutes forty-six seconds, and perform all corrective
actions." The microphone snapped back into its holder as I let it go.
"Allie request a transfer. Cafeteria, east sector." I snuck my way back through the
aperture, successfully stopping myself from looking at the photo dangling from the wall. The
pod-like room opened through a radiation shield into a hall shaped like a knot on a tree, and my
portal sparked on.
I waited patiently.
"Message incoming. Countdown has begun; why are you requesting a transfer?" Her
soothing voice made the message much kinder than intended.
"Coffee." I waited for a response.
"Request granted." The portal came to life, and I stepped through. The cafeteria was
empty, just how I liked it. A mixture of tables and chairs filled the expansive room.
"Allie, turn on the news, please." I pulled a chair and grabbed another to rest my feet. In
the distance, the television lit up."Thought you were getting coffee?" An older man stood near the doorway, peering over
at me.
"I lie frequently." An advertisement for a new chip flavor blared into the room, and Allie
adjusted the volume lower.
"Have you been out of the room today? Allie, turn off the TV, please." He ran his hands
over his mouth as he spoke.
"No," I answered.
"They let more go." He spoke.
"Had to happen... eventually." Lawrence walked over and sat at the table across from me.
"What are you going to do?" He said.
"Keep coming in. One day, they'll let me go, but not today."
"Hope is a slippery slope." I glanced up at him; he sat there smiling at me—age lines
warped across his face—a 56-year-old man who appeared to be in his seventies.
"You pick up poetry?" I said.
"Six minutes." Lawrence shook his wrist, awakening the device required to be worn at all
times. They would come and collect it each year and then provide you with a new one. I had
ideas on why they did this. Lawrence dug his face into his hands, then ran his rash-covered
fingers through his hair.
"We were so close." He said."Yeah." A blush of air came out as I spoke.
"What are we going to do?" He responded. I propped my feet on a table and leaned
deeper into my chair.
"I don't know, Lawrence, Allie, can you turn on the TV, please? News station seven."
"You should get back." He looked at me curiously, expecting the proper response for an
audit.
"It's all good, programmed." The TV woke up with a news anchor shouting into the
camera.
Too much, too fast. We're speaking with striking workers outside of reactor nine, where
thousands are being laid off; a minor skirmish broke out earlier today when more employees left
the building during the second wave of firings. We estimate another two thousand joined the
amassing crowd.
"It's worse than I thought. Jesus." Lawrence lowered his head.
Power plant workers made up most of those laid-off, who run the aptly named 'stations'
producing the remaining oil reserves.
"Allie, turn off the tv, please." Lawrence stood and headed towards the portal, briefly
peering over his shoulder. "3 minutes."
"Just enough time to let it go." Our eyes met."We had a good run. 26 years, we lasted. Time moves faster, doesn't it?" He lowered his
head.
"It's jogging now." Lawrence nodded at this, then disappeared through the door. As good
a goodbye as any.
"Allie, turn on the tv, please."
People are discussing how a 'station' has never been closed. What happens when you turn off the
machine? With Neuma stock plummeting today, we will soon find out. Back to you, Jenna.
The first siren came, followed by the radiation alarm.
"Call incoming." Allie clicked it through while droning out the alarms.
"Hey, we're not seeing that leak. Are you sure you read it, right?" The technician would
be at the reactor panel, diligently searching for something that wouldn't appear.
"They're running debug errors. I started the search as soon as the first alarm rang. The
leak won't show on the panel due to simulated interlock failures." Deeper still into the mesh.
"Alright." His voice cracked.
"Are we on schedule?" I responded.
"A little behind; we weren't sure what was happening." I could hear him shouting at
something away from the mic before returning. "I think we can finish in under 8 minutes still.""Give me an exact." I said.
"7 minutes 18 seconds." I punched this into my watch.
"You're on the clock." Allie ended the call and switched the volume back on.
First introduced thirty years ago, stations were one of the technological bursts of the early
seventies. They were rapid aging chambers powered by nuclear reactors. With oil reserves
waning, this invention changed the course of humanity; now, as the path forks again, scientists
sound the alarm on shutting one of these super generators down.
"Allie, detach the television from the wall; have it traced, please."
"Sir, Security protocols are set." I looked down at my watch, which was clicking off
seconds a minutiae more than what seemed normal. Four minutes, thirty seconds.
"Very well, could you make some popcorn, please?" Jenna Stone, the blonde anchor,
threw it to a commercial teasing the continuation of the story in just a moment. An advertisement
for the newest replacement flashed onto the screen.
"Popcorn's ready, sir."
"Thank you, Allie." I stood and walked over to the heater; a warm bag awaited me, and I
snapped it open to toss a few in my mouth. The grease coated my fingers, and I sucked at them
hungrily. The condemned's last meal. Two minutes twenty seconds.A special episode of The Morning Dossier here at reactor nine, where we have all the updates all
day long. Sarah, are you saying that drills are happening within the plant? Can you give us an
idea of what that means?
One minute, thirteen seconds.
Yes, Jenna, we have confirmed reports that shutdown drills are ongoing. The communications
team has stated that these drills are regulatory and standard.
Time's up. I waited for the ring, but none came. I threw the bag in the trash and walked
back toward the portal. "Allie, detach the TV from the wall and have it follow."
"Sir, Security protocols are set. Call incoming. Patching."
"Nothing's happening. The alarm is still going off! What's going on up there!?" Once
again, the angry technician.
"They're shifting the leak. The power in the plant is dangerously low. Remove security
protocols, shift the plant into ultra-dark." A professional sounds calm and relaxed, when killing
himself.
"Are you serious?"
"Would you prefer a reactor fault?" He waited before responding to this delicate question.
"Do they think this will happen?" The strain in his voice told me all I needed to know.
"It's just training. Hurry up." I waited for the announcement. Would they patch me again?
Asking more questions raise more red flags. The call did not come."Security protocols deactivated. Plant entering ultra-dark." A soothing sound.
"Allie, detach the TV, please." The lights in the building shut off as the television's
robotic arm extended out and turned on its motion fan. It floated through the air, catching up and
equalizing sound as it flew. My watch lit up in a fulgent glare—the backup method of securing
power for humanity.
"Allie, transfer me to station 3."
"Sir, that area is restricted."
"Are security protocols active?"
"Security protocols are deactivated." Her voice was monotonous.
"Then transfer me." The portal door opened; and the television trailed behind.
Deconstruction
Mevers still speaks to me.
Multiple whistleblowers are filing class-action lawsuits against the Neuma corporation as we
speak. Some accusations include fraud and illegal time variance, a practice outlawed nearly
seven years ago.
"Call incoming, Sir." Allie spoke.
Desperation is a trait of the unprepared. Mevers still speaks to me."Please block all callers, Allie."
Chaos happens naturally—no need to influence.
"Calls are blocked, Sir."
There is a significant update here from reactor nine: Individuals are streaming from the exits,
but guards are turning them back! Armed guards have stopped the workers from leaving the
premises!
The room's domed ceiling stood as if in repose. The walls were white, all made to look
the same. If only Michelangelo could get ahold of them.
At the center of the observatory sat a large vat.
"Allie, disengage the chamber locks."
"Access denied." There is a hidden viciousness in a response.
"Allie, security protocols are disabled. Disengage chamber locks." I returned.
"Access denied." The monotony was unappealing.
"Allie, who has access to disengage chamber locks?"
"Redacted." A once soothing voice turning sour. "Redacted. Redacted. Redacted.
Redacted."
"Allie, stop. Who has access to Station 3?"
"Redacted. Redacted. Redacted." Faster and faster, she spat out the curse.We are making plans for what we cannot keep.
We're not going to commercial; we promise to keep you locked on to the action. Ted, can you
give us some insight into what is going on behind the doors of reactor nine?
Sarah handed the microphone to a balding man. His eyes bulged from his head as if his
brain was too large.
I was only at the plant a few years, but secrets live in the walls, as is often said. Room upon room
blocked from transfer—portals leading out of the plant. Nothing seems to get done, no matter
how many complaints get lodged. They love to play these games, what you're seeing now, Sarah.
No one knows what they're doing!
His voice raced out like gunshots—a scare tactic improvised by oligarchs.
I inspected the knobs that held the vat shut. Steel bolts crocheted into a massive strike
plate. "I suppose I will need a hammer, Allie." I stared at the twisting waves as she materialized
the wooden piece. Dark Energy sloshed back and forth like water in the container. A large,
sealed tub. One of the few to know it even existed—the hard road. As I smashed the sledge into
the lock, a bell rang off.
Knock!
The crack of my hammer poured into the small room as a bolt fell; heat drenched the
room as I dragged the hammer behind me.Breaking news at reactor nine. Guards are pushing workers back inside the building. We cannot
determine what is coming from the loudspeakers, but the workers are being forced back inside
the building.
"Allie, are you recording?"
"Recording, Sir." Time spun wildly.
"I looked for so long."
I raised the hammer and began to work once again. Another bolt fell, and I could feel
flame licking at the growing opening. The professor's words crept through my mind as I dragged
the hammer to the last lock.
"Nothing to find."
Knock
"Nothing within."
Knock
The last bolt hung by a thread. Waves of heat washed over my skin. With the last of my
strength, I brought the hammer through. With a clean strike, the bolt shattered, the hammer
exploded, and the door opened.
Boiling puddy flared. Droplets of ooze slid over the sides of the cage as it depressurized.
I climbed onto the side, watching life."Goodbye, Sir." Allie turned off her recording.
Warm waves welcomed me, and I sank below.

The type to watch life from a distance /
Likes to start fights then be dismissive /
Gaslight like my message never existed /until inquiries desisted /
Only to shout what the original message subsisted /
Like everyone but me predicted /
Like everyone? What the shit then? /
Why's everyone an expert in my personal ecosystem? /
Especially when he no's wisdom /
Opposite of yes, not opposite is dumb /
Might need a CISM("sism") / before mental cataclysm /
Before honesty and happiness have a schism /
See, honesty saw how happiness was livin': /
Known to play the victim, / over eagerly follow the dreams of children /
Gettin' misled by anyone with "good vibes and feelins" /
Honesty honestly found that demeanin' /
Thinkin' hand to god / he could do a better job /
Not seein' he's more corn on cob in almighty proceedins /
And peas to a pod as one of Job's seedlings /
But honesty wasn't the only one to see things /
Happiness was gettin' honesty briefings /
Seen him screening opposite pleadings /
Like he was looking for ego feedings only /
Honesty compromised as a self image and ego crony /
Thinkin he could do a better job than this phony /
But roamin alone they both die slowly /
Together they rebuke Valdès and the pope -- Count Castiglione

Two individuals, one that resembled a mountain man and the other a small girl, trudged through the harsh snowstorm. Despite the apparent futility of their journey, they had been walking for days and were determined to reach their destination.
As they walked through the dreary forest, Clementine, the small girl wearing a baseball hat and a sky-blue rainbow jacket, eventually asked the man a question.
"Kenny, is it time for a rest yet?"
"Are your legs starting to act up, darling? If so, we can rest." Kenny was a big, burly man in his mid-fifties with a vast grey beard protruding from his face; he also had a blood-soaked bandage covering his left eye.
"Yeah," replied Clementine, "they are starting to ache with every step."
"Very well, we can rest for now." Kenny agreed while taking off his backpack and taking a can of beans out.
"Do you want me to set up the tent as you hold AJ?" Asked Clementine sedately while she moved towards Kenny to hand him AJ.
AJ was the adorable, tiny baby that Kenny and Clementine were nurturing after his real mother, Rebecca, died shortly after giving birth to him.
"Are you sure you can handle it by yourself, Clem? I can help you," Kenny said while he had his eyes on AJ.
"Yes, I think I can take care of it, Kenny," Clementine responded rather begrudgingly as she took the olive green tent from Kenny's backpack and began setting it up. After a few moments, the tent was finally set up correctly, just as the stars started to appear in the sky. The sky itself was becoming more and more extraordinary, with fiery oranges and reds painting the horizon, and the occasional snowfall making it look like feathers were coming down from the sky.
During this time, Kenny made himself useful by getting some firewood for tonight's supper; when he returned, he found Clementine tendering to a crying AJ.
"Shh, shh; I'm here, goofball. It's okay," said Clementine, swaying him in her arms while also smiling at him.
"Aww," said Kenny as the pair both sat on a log as the campfire burned into the night. "I bet Lee would be proud of you for raising him as he did with you."
Just then, Clementine's smile dropped a little, as was evident; even three years later, she still missed Lee.
"I didn't mean to say it like that, daring. It's just hard not to think about it. As I said, when we met for the first time again, back at the ski lodge, you were two peas in a pod."
"I know," replied Clementine, still looking at AJ, "he would be proud, but I wish he was here; you know."
"True, I do hope Wellington is out there, Kenny."
"I know it is, Clem; hopefully, we get there in one piece."
Wellington was supposedly this enormous, populous, and well-protected camp in the glacial north, made mostly from abandoned shipping containers.
"Clem, you know what?" Kenny said while tendering to the fire, "How about some supper while you are doing that? I can feed AJ."
"Sure," agreed Clementine, "you can do that."
After supper, Clementine decided she could put AJ in the tent so he could sleep before coming out of the tent and sitting back on the log she had done before.
"Is he asleep yet?" Kenny asked, putting his arm around Clementine.
"Yeah, but can I ask you something?"
"Sure, what is it?"
"Well," said Clementine, taking off her hat and moving to Kenny a bit more, "you said before that it’s just hard to not think about Lee being dead. What about Katjaa and Duck? You must still miss them, right?"
"I do, Clem, every day and night. But when Duck’s grandmother died, Katjaa said to Duck, "Look for the brightest star in the night, and that’s them." In the same way, that’s where Lee is."
"Yeah, I get that," replied Clementine, looking at her hat after looking at the star, "but I genuinely still miss him. All I got of him is the blood on my hat," she pointed to it, "and... memories."
"That’s a good thing, darling; it shows what relationships can mean to people. I assure you, he was lucky to have you," Kenny spoke calmly as he and Clementine gazed at the glittering stars in the sky, shining like diamonds against the black expanse. Suddenly, a shooting star raced across the horizon. Clementine put her hat back on, and after chatting with Kenny about various topics, they decided it was time to go to bed.
As was their custom before going to bed, Clementine asked Kenny what their plans were for tomorrow. Which was mostly trying to get Wellington in one piece; after that, she asked what she should dream about.
As the new day dawned, the world was blanketed in a strange serene calmness. The sky above was a stunning canvas of colours, painted in fiery oranges and reds that radiated a warm glow across the horizon. The birds had already begun their morning routine, their sweet melodies filling the air with a symphony of sound that was both melodious and enchanting.
"Good sleep, Clem?" Kenny said as he had back to her, but he was facing the fire with AJ in hand.
"Yeah," responded Clementine, going to sit on the log beside him. "Pretty much, it would be better with a bed, but we don’t have one. What about you?"
"Fine, but I think AJ wants to be with you," Kenny gave Clementine, AJ, and an old granola bar for breakfast. Afterwards, they dismantled the tent, packed it into Kenny’s backpack, and continued their journey towards Wellington. On the way, they encountered a walker who attempted to attack them, but Kenny managed to shoot it before it could get too close for comfort.
"You and AJ, okay?" He asked before saying they moved on.
"Sure," replied Clementine, while she swayed AJ in her arms while also smiling at him. "As long as you and AJ are fine. I’m fine."
"Good. Let’s get going."
As they continued to brave the cold with snow relentlessly pouring down upon them, the two companions engaged in a conversation about their plans once they reached Wellington. Eventually, Clementine and Kenny arrived at the foot of a colossal hill, with billowing clouds of grey smoke rising into the sky.
“Come on, Clem, that must be it. I’ll race you,” Kenny said, starting to run up the hill with AJ in his arms and Clementine running behind him. There it stood: Wellington.

Howard’s song for Bernie was so sweet. His lyrics were so beautiful. “I couldn’t have imagined how good my life would get From the moment that I met you Bernadette”. I can’t help but find their development so beautiful because it started off so silly—with Wolowitz being so gross, creepy, and objectifying. Then over time he became truly loving towards Bernadette and their kids. I think they have the best relationship among the group because like Howard says, they’re Uranium-235 and Uranium-238, almost inseparable isotopes. They’re two peas in a pod, and despite their differences and flaws, they know each other inside and out, which is beautiful to see especially for Howard because he started off so shallow and sex-obsessed. Its beautiful to see him learn to genuinely love a woman. I think their humor and jokes mask their affection, but this scene, and specifically this line shows how grateful Howard is to have Bernadette.

TL;DR My long term partner wants to suddenly end our 9 year relationship on the basis that he's unsure of whether he still loves me or not. We are now on a break, he has moved to his parents for a few weeks to think things through.
Hi all, my partner and I have been together for almost a decade now. We've been living together for almost 2 years as our job situation and COVID-19 in the UK didn't allow for us to move out together sooner.
Today he out of the blue, on our way to a friend's house that we were going to, pulled the car aside and asked to talk to me. I knew instantly this was him expressing that he wished to break up with me. This is because, a similar situation happened last year where he spoke to me about this. We worked through it back then as it was a communication issue, that he wasn't expressing what was making him tick in our relationship and various other factors. We managed to work through this and came out stronger than ever. This time around, I feel scared and distraught.
He expressed that for a long time he wanted to end things and that he's thought about this for so long, so long that he's written me a letter talking about it. He said there were many times he resented me for my mental health issues as I was working through my anxiety/depression issues over time. He also said there were many times he felt he couldn't be without me. He loved me very much and that now he doesn't feel as strongly as he once did. He said he was unsure why but this feeling keeps coming back time and time again. I was of course very shocked, distressed and in tears when this all happened. I felt this was a bad time to talk as we were attending a meet up at our friends place, and that I wish he communicated all of this as it was happening.
He also further explained that sometimes he imagines what his life would be like with other women and I said that's ok, that's normal as sometimes I do as well but I remind myself that I have him and the what ifs don't matter. We are in the here and now. It makes me think he has some kinda regret around his youth as I am his first girlfriend and that he never got to be with anyone else. He also said that he's never really got to think independently and that we've been so intertwined he's unsure of what he wants. I feel sad as perhaps I've suffocated him in a way he's always prioritised me.
Reddit, I really love this man and feel we are two peas in a pod and that we have something genuinely special. After all of this was said, he couldn't quite give me an answer as to why this is happening now and also he's clearly thought about this for some time. I suggested that he speaks to a therapist because there might be some issues he needs to work through which he agreed on. I also suggested couples counselling as we can try and work this out with a professional, he has also agreed to do this. He's also decided that he's going to stay at his mum's house for a few weeks to think things through, and I am staying at my mums house this weekend. So there is a plan and possible hope.
I need advice on how to process all of this - we've known each other since childhood and have been together since we were quite young. It's all a lot right now, even when I went to get my medical stuff back at our apartment , he's taken all of his stuff with nothing left but mine. It hurt a lot. I understand it may be because he's going to be gone for a few weeks, but it just feels so empty. He said none of this is my fault and that he really is thankful for me changing to be a better person and that our time together meant a lot to him (this was in the letter prior to our agreement of going to therapy etc).
I want to be hopeful yet I can't be as I'm confused, hurt and unsure of what he wants. I want to really make things work, and I really want to help him and support him no matter what. I feel as though we were building a future together and this has come out of nowhere as he never expressed anything up until this point. He has said we are on a 'pause'.

Hi all, my partner and I have been together for almost a decade now. We've been living together for almost 2 years as our job situation and COVID-19 in the UK didn't allow for us to move out together sooner.
Today he out of the blue, on our way to a friend's house that we were going to, pulled the car aside and asked to talk to me. I knew instantly this was him expressing that he wished to break up with me. This is because, a similar situation happened last year where he spoke to me about this. We worked through it back then as it was a communication issue, that he wasn't expressing what was making him tick in our relationship and various other factors. We managed to work through this and came out stronger than ever. This time around, I feel scared and distraught.
He expressed that for a long time he wanted to end things and that he's thought about this for so long, so long that he's written me a letter talking about it. He said there were many times he resented me for my mental health issues as I was working through my anxiety/depression issues over time. He also said there were many times he felt he couldn't be without me. He loved me very much and that now he doesn't feel as strongly as he once did. He said he was unsure why but this feeling keeps coming back time and time again. I was of course very shocked, distressed and in tears when this all happened. I felt this was a bad time to talk as we were attending a meet up at our friends place, and that I wish he communicated all of this as it was happening.
He also further explained that sometimes he imagines what his life would be like with other women and I said that's ok, that's normal as sometimes I do as well but I remind myself that I have him and the what ifs don't matter. We are in the here and now. It makes me think he has some kinda regret around his youth as I am his first girlfriend and that he never got to be with anyone else. He also said that he's never really got to think independently and that we've been so intertwined he's unsure of what he wants. I feel sad as perhaps I've suffocated him in a way he's always prioritised me.
Reddit, I really love this man and feel we are two peas in a pod and that we have something genuinely special. After all of this was said, he couldn't quite give me an answer as to why this is happening now and also he's clearly thought about this for some time. I suggested that he speaks to a therapist because there might be some issues he needs to work through which he agreed on. I also suggested couples counselling as we can try and work this out with a professional, he has also agreed to do this. He's also decided that he's going to stay at his mum's house for a few weeks to think things through, and I am staying at my mums house this weekend. So there is a plan and possible hope.
I need advice on how to process all of this - we've known each other since childhood and have been together since we were quite young. It's all a lot right now, even when I went to get my medical stuff back at our apartment , he's taken all of his stuff with nothing left but mine. It hurt a lot. I understand it may be because he's going to be gone for a few weeks, but it just feels so empty. He said none of this is my fault and that he really is thankful for me changing to be a better person and that our time together meant a lot to him (this was in the letter prior to our agreement of going to therapy etc).
I want to be hopeful yet I can't be as I'm confused, hurt and unsure of what he wants. I want to really make things work, and I really want to help him and support him no matter what. I feel as though we were building a future together and this has come out of nowhere as he never expressed anything up until this point. He has said we are on a 'pause'.
Any advice or similar stories would be good to hear as I navigate through this painful time. Thanks in advance.

Hey ya'll! I'm hoping to hear your thoughts.
I met a guy on Bumble in early February and within a week we met at a park because we live close and I wanted simplicity when meeting. We saw each other a few more times after that but never in a date setting, more like taking a drive, etc. We started having sex and we agreed that it would be an fwb situation (my idea) because neither of us are in a good place for long term. We're 2 peas in a pod; what I mean is that our personalities go well together, we can both be ourselves with each other, and we enjoy each other's time (we have both acknowledged this). He has had some family issues and I've been there for him. I haven't had any issues but he's always there to hear me vent and gives me really good advice. I can talk about other guys and he can talk about other girls (although he hasn't because he's not actively dating due to him being in his head about his family issues). Is like we're best friends but with casual sex here and there.
Here comes the issue. I know we're friends. I know I don't want a relationship with him. I believe him and I are on the same page about where each of us stands. However, tomorrow we're supposed to hang out and go to the movies (which we've never done before) and he ended the text by saying that I'm the best friend he's never had. I don't know why but that stung! Like I KNOW this but why if I don't see him as a long term did I get so upset? I still can't look at his texts (he's still texting me about a menu idea he came up with) and I can't respond to him because I'm so annoyed.
I've never had this happen to me. I either know I want someone as a friend and nothing else or have feelings for them and can't be their friend. What should I do? I don't want to lose his friendship but I also don't want to develop feelings. And how would it even work if we're no longer having sex but still being friends if I caught myself being annoyed at his "friends" comment.
I wish I would of swiped left 😂

just in need of unbiased advice. I (21F) and my bsf (20F) have been friends for 5 years. We met in high school and have always been extremely close, two peas in a pod. We always put each other first and did lots of childish stuff like vowing to marry each other at age 80. I am queer and so is she and i’ve begun to wonder if she may have feelings for me. She has never been a relationship and has only kissed me (we were drunk once at my 20th, never happened again). when i ask her why she doesn’t date she says she doesn’t have the time or interest in it, i honestly thought she was asexual for a while. however, anytime i've been in a relationship, she hasn’t been very supportive. when i first came out as queer she said she didn't like it because that would mean she'd get replaced as my best friend eventually, i told her that wouldn't happen and thought she was slightly homophobic. in my first relationship she was clear on how much she hated it and dragged my ex every chance she got, despite my ex being really kind, until i finally snapped and had enough. she refused to ever meet this ex while we were together, especially when she found out we were sleeping together. i just thought she was being annoying, i wanted to celebrate the relationship but she was soiling it and it made me like her less which i told her. now she doesn’t attack my partners but she isn’t excited for me either, in fact she seems to get a headache every time i bring my love life up and i don’t understand why because i don’t talk about it an excessive amount. she never wants to meet my friends bc she doesn’t want to share my attention and is overall not very receptive to expanding her social circle with mine. she has said she wants us to grow old together but i’m questioning if that’s a good idea because she can be bossy. she often says she doesn’t know where she’d be without me in her life and that she’ll never love anyone the way she loves me. i have always thought it was sweet when she said this but my friends are beginning to suspect there’s more to it. she acts as if she would die without me in her life and wants us to live together forever. she has joked that we get married before but when i seriously consider being married in my future to someone else she seems kind of offended but always plays it off. she mentions sometimes when she thinks girls are cute but says she never can like any of them, that she's not sure why, and that she’s waiting for the right person. this couldn’t be me right? i’m worried that if she does have feelings, i’ll move in with her without realizing it and end up trapped.
what should i do? is it in my head?

Average Reading Time: 38-39 minutes
Part 1: Humanitarian Part 2: Gratitude Part 3: Peacemakers Peacemakers (Continued) Peacemakers (Conclusion)
Threnlis had been deployed for a little six over months defending the planetary ring mining infrastructure in orbit above Agron Six. During that time, she had gained great fame back on the home world. On four separate occasions, she contacted and destroyed multiple raiders from The Enemy. Impressively, she had done so without losing any of the critical mining infrastructure she was tasked to defend.
For the War Department of Information, effectively the government’s propaganda arm, it was the single greatest opportunity to raise public and military moral in centuries. The gun camera footage of her battles and the resulting analysis by military experts was electrifying. Her fame had become so great that reports of her missions would instantly be breaking news.
After the discovery of broadcast equipment on one of the destroyed Enemy fighters, they realized that the hated foe equipped their ships to instantly broadcast battle footage and data to their people. Similar systems were soon put in place on all military fighters. The resulting streams would immediately be sent to all monitors to give the entirety of their civilization access to the latest in the war effort.
Millions would watch as the battles progressed in real time before their eyes. Factory production would stop, agricultural workers would come in from the fields to huddle around monitors, prayers would be lifted, lost pilots mourned, and cheers erupt when an Enemy ship was destroyed.
The fighter pilots soon became the most celebrated figures in the war, and Threnlis was ranked first among them. Her face was on posters encouraging people to work their hardest, and Information Department text encouraged all who saw that finally, after so many centuries, victory was in sight thanks to these new young warriors. They would lead their people into a new age of peace and prosperity.
It didn’t hurt that she was considered quite attractive by her race’s standards. In fact, that was a common theme among all the youth that had been sent to train with the people of Earth. All the former children that returned from training lacked common skin maladies, were well fed, had the benefits of years of state-of-the-art medical treatment, were vibrant in the colors and patterns of their scales, and had excellent musculature. They were, in a word, the very pictures of health. In a society of undernourished, overworked, and sickly people, they stood out like superheroes.
The former children had also been trained to excellence in their given fields, and had all been given impressive combat training, be they in military or civilian roles. Humans called it, “Self Defense Training,” and insisted it was not the same as military instruction. The result was that public and military support for the Human Off-World Training Initiative couldn’t have been higher.
The retuning children were highly sought after and assigned to prestigious positions. Politicians, military leaders, and industry magnates who had sufficient pull demanded they be assigned one of the returned youth, as the posting would further increase their personal standing. After all, only the most important people doing the most important things for the war effort would be allowed such a valuable resource.
As Threnlis walked through the hollowed-out asteroid that served as the base for her air wing, the head of Military Intelligence on the station met her and began walking beside her.
The officer kept up with her quick pace and said, “I must inform you that your scheduled combat patrol may be rather eventful today. We have reason to believe an elite enemy fighter detachment has been deployed to assassinate you and your team.”
She slowed at that, and asked, “What evidence do you have?”
“We have been losing fighters in multiple systems. When lined up chronologically, it shows a pattern of advancement focused on this system. If the pattern holds, we expect them anytime now.”
She stopped and closed her eyes, trying to keep the fear and anxiety from showing in her crest, “Is it the Blue Claw?”
“It is.”
The combat streams she had seen of The Enemy pilot known as Blue Claw indicated an exceptionally lethal and intelligent pilot. Credited with over twenty-five kills, that pilot was recognized as the top ace in the ranks of their adversary.
She nodded once and began again on her brisk pace toward the launch bay.
“Was there anything else?”
“No, Pilot, there is nothing else to report. On a personal note, good luck out there.”
They reached the hangar bay, and she looked over at her ship. It was relatively new, and excellently maintained thanks to the insistence of the Department of Information. It stood out in stark contrast to the other fighters there. They were ancient and showed patchwork repairs. She knew at least a quarter of them were facing some kind of mechanical issue, and despite her personal requests bordering on pleading, had not seen any additional allocations of parts or resources.
Turning to see the intelligence officer was still there, she said, “Thank you for the report,” and walked toward her ship.
She was halfway there when the alarm claxons blared and the illumination in the hanger shifted to emergency lighting.
She heard the old base commander’s gravelly voice grind out over the intercom system, “Enemy raiders spotted in extraction sector three. Battle Stations. I repeat, Battle Stations. All pilots launch immediately. You will be given orders on route.”
She broke into a run. When she reached the ship, a quick jump in the low gravity got her into the cockpit. She secured her helmet and the familiar hiss of pressurization began as she pressed a few buttons on the console. The automated launch check systems came back with an all clear. In seconds she was retracting her landing skids and thrusting out of the bay into the vacuum of space in defense of her people.
When her ship had cleared the hangar, she saw the light turn on indicating the battle recording and broadcasting equipment had been activated by the Department of Information. She knew in that moment, hundreds of millions of people, possibly billions, were watching her every move with interest.
With the professionalism she was drilled in back at the academy, she spoke, “Pilot Threnlis requesting assignment.”
She was a bit surprised to hear the base commander’s reply, “Hold position.”
That was odd. She was usually given coordinates to the nearest enemy fighters, assigned pilots to her wing, and told to engage.
With her senses keyed up and on a razor’s edge, she waited for a subjective eternity of about three minutes. As she watched, the other fighters in her wing all flew by her and diverted to where command instructed them.
When she couldn’t take it anymore, she keyed her comms to the command only channel and asked, “Command, Pilot Threnlis again requesting assignment.”
She noticed the broadcast equipment indicator go dark and a moment later heard an unfamiliar voice, “Pilot Threnlis, this is Director Heshna of the War Department of Information. You are being held back until the location of Blue Claw is identified, at which time you will be ordered to intercept and engage. It is our intention to clear the path for you to engage that pilot in single combat. When you defeat him, I will make sure your name is enshrined in memory for all time as one of the greatest heroes of this war.”
Her voice wavered as she asked “What? Blue Claw is the best pilot I have ever seen. You want me to engage the top ace of the Enemy without support?”
“Yes, I do. It will add to the glory of your victory, and inspire everyone who sees it.”
She felt her crest flare in anxiety and press against the top of her flight helmet, “But, I was never the best pilot in any of the squadrons, even back at the Academy. I do my best in a team.”
There was a long pause before she heard Heshna’s voice again, “Pilot, you will engage and kill the Blue Claw in single combat. If you fail and are destroyed, well, you will be mourned, and our nation will have a new martyr to avenge. Take pride in knowing that either way, you will be an inspiration to your people. I’ll make sure of it.”
With a click over the audio, the indicator light flared to life again.
She sat numbly in the cockpit, watching though the polyglass as the first indications of fighting started lighting up her displays. Slowly, as her mind finished processing the cold sentiments of the State toward her, she realized she needed to figure out a way to gain an advantage over the pilot that was sent out here to kill her.
Shaking off the lethargy of shock, her mind began racing through the various possibilities before her. Dismissing as irrelevant over a dozen different ideas, she finally landed on one that might just work.
The one thing she knew the enemy probably didn’t have was a detailed record of the asteroid cluster. It was riddled with hundreds of years of mineshafts, mechanical debris, gravel tailings asteroids, and an entire scrapyard of worn-out mining machines all waiting to be refurbished or recycled.
Normally, she would get her combat wing to engage and draw any aggressors out and away from the dangerous conditions in the ring. Not only would this insure the precious mining infrastructure remained intact, but also because open combat in space was much more predictable for her.
She switched her communication channel to the civilian mining bandwidth and said, “This is Pilot Threnlis, I need an immediate download of everything you have regarding the planetary ring. I want asteroid sizes, old machinery, equipment locations both active and derelict. Give me anything and everything you have.”
A quivering voice came back over the comms, “Y-you’re Calling m-m-me? I’m on the broadcast?”
Faintly, Threnlis heard in the background a momentary delay before an echo of the unnamed operator’s voice. Whomever this was, they had been watching the broadcast and were freezing up.
She didn’t have time for this. She needed information and needed it now if she had any hope of formulating a plan.
“Listen, I need that information, can you help me?”
“Threnlis n-needs m-m-my help?” the vacant voice replied.
She was weighing the possible benefits of yelling at this moron, when she heard something happen in the background of the transmission.
She faintly discerned the sound of a door being kicked open, and a gruff, unrefined voice shout, “What in the seven deserts of Broltien are you doing you idiot? A pilot is asking for your help and you freeze up like a baby plogan when it sees a predator? Get out of the way!”
There was a thud, followed by the sound of a microphone being grabbed, or adjusted, she wasn’t sure.
“This is Miner Second Class Gronlis. I am sending the first batch of files now. It will take a bit, and you will have to keep a sub-channel open to get all the data you requested.”
She let out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding and then asked, “First batch?”
“The system doesn’t keep everything you asked for in one file. I will have to send it in different data groups. Is your ship running a type three or better ECTU?”
She was taken aback somewhat at the technical knowledge of this Miner Second Class. He knew the acronym for the Environmental Combat Tracking Unit. That wasn’t common knowledge.
Breezing past that thought, she replied, “I’m running a type seven.”
“They are up to seven now? Good, that’s good. It should have no problem chewing on these files and integrating them then. You should have your first batch downloaded in, oh, about two minutes give or take. I’m sending the locations of all current orbital objects first. That should give the following batches the reference framework to integrate the other parts.”
Threnlis had now moved past surprised, and firmly into impressed, “How do you know all this Gronlis? Is this standard technical knowledge for a Miner Second Class?”
A gruff, almost hoarse laugh erupted as he said, “Hells no, I used to be a Technician First Class in the First Space Wing of the Home Fleet. I got a mouth on me though, and one day I may have insinuated one of my superiors would be better off in the ranks of The Enemy, as he would be a greater asset to us there than here. He busted me down into the mining core twenty years back. Fedilos, I hope you are seeing this you incompetent twit! If you got what you deserved for sending me to this hell hole your crest would fester and rot off of your head, you sorry excuse of a Shra!”
Threnlis couldn’t help but smirk a little to herself at that, and said, “Well, however it came about, I’m glad you are here to help me now, Technician First Class Gronlis.”
There was a pause, and she swore she could hear the gruff voice crack a little when he eventually responded, “You can rely on me, Pilot.”
“I will, Gronlis. I’m leaving the sub channel open and switching back to military channels now. Keep the data coming.”
Keying back to her squadron command channel she asked, “Is there any sign of the Blue Claw yet?”
“Negative, Pilot Threnlis. You will be notified as soon as we have confirmation on their location.”
The first batch of the data stream had just finished and input all the orbiting objects into her system when she got the call, “Pilot Threnlis, the location of the Blue Claw has been verified in the B ring between seventy-two and seventy-eight degrees. You are ordered to proceed to that location and engage immediately.”
“Affirmative, Command.”
She oriented her fighter and pushed her thrusters to maximum, darting off toward the crossroads that would lead her to glory, or death.

The force of the acceleration pressed her into the shallow foam cushions of the pilot’s chair. Her breathing became labored in a way she had experienced so much that now was almost comforting. Looking down at her display, the objects in the orbital ring started slowly growing on her screens as she hurtled toward her Enemy.
It would be a few minutes before the first data stream was complete, so she opened a line back to command, “Operations, I need a list of the pilots that have been killed by the Blue Claw.”
There was a pause, and the voice of the base commander replied over the channel, “Keep your mind on the task at hand, Pilot. Get through this, and honor the fallen later.”
“Sir, with respect, I am not doing this out of some fatalistic impulse. I almost certainly trained with some of those pilots. It know how good the people I was in the academy with were, and how they flew. I knew their habits and what they would try first. It may help me to determine what opening moves to avoid.
She barely heard a breath being let out, and the commander replied, “Very well, we are sending you the information now.”
A list of names and ranks began scrolling across her screen. She nearly went into shock at the number of people, friends and acquaintances, she recognized. All but one of the twenty-seven names that came across the display were people she knew in one way or another from back at the academy. Even though it was a simple text list, she knew all their faces.
Seliss, a quiet male that had a real talent for space combat, but his first love had always been drawing. He was good at it, too.
Fenia, a girl she had lunch with two days before she left the academy. She was so excited that her brother had just been sent to a Human training program for political leadership.
Ashroka, an outwardly brash boy that you could always rely on to cheer you up if he found you downcast.
Melshia, a boy from third squadron that helped her through her orbital gravitational trajectory mid-terms back in her first year.
Sezkig, the techno-genius that played a key role in her squadron’s defeat during the final academy competition.
The list went on for over twenty more names. Each represented lives, and friends, that she would never see again.
She felt crushed, but the thing that almost broke her was when she saw two names, one right after the other, of pilots she took her final test at the academy with in her wing. Two of hers had been killed by that monster.
Despair, sadness, and fear began worming their icy tendrils around her heart and mind. Her air supply felt as if it were being cut off as she hyperventilated into her combat mask. She opened her flight helmet and pulled it off to try and get more air into her lungs, but it didn’t help.
She allowed herself to panic for about ten seconds, and then her training kicked in.
As one of her instructors from the academy used to say, “In combat, you know you aren’t dead if you can still think. On the other hand, if you aren’t thinking, you’re dead already but don’t realize it.”
She knew that in order to shut down these emotions, she needed to engage her analytical processes. She put aside the personal, emotional, and feeling part of the information she had been presented with, and focused on analyzing the combat styles of the various pilots on the list.
Immediately, the tightness in her throat and the press of her crest’s fear response against her helmet subsided.
She considered carefully the things she knew about the various skill levels and histories of the deceased pilots, and saw no unifying aspect whatsoever. That in itself gave her a valuable insight into the Blue Claw. Whoever that pilot was, they were adaptable, and dangerous.
That wasn’t much to go on, but it did tell her that she needed to figure out something above and beyond if she were going to come out of this alive.
As she came to this understanding, at about half way to her operational area, her system updated. The first packet had been completed, and a new layer of information containing fine structural details of the objects in the ring snapped onto her displays. Mining shafts, materials composition, and tailing disposal areas appeared among other things.
She still had some time, and the target area was still past the horizon of the planet below. With no real danger yet, she keyed her target area and zoomed in. Her keen mind began working over the environment and considering possible ways she could get some advantage over her assassin.
She took careful note of the various tailings asteroids and what exactly they were composed of. For the most part, they were basically larger, mineral poor rocks that had enough gravity to loosely hold on to the gravel sized debris that resulted from the mining process. She didn’t know how that might help, but she made a mental note and moved on to others.
As she was examining a strangely shaped structure, her system finished processing the last of the information sent to her from the civilian mining database. Instantly, mining equipment and other material extraction infrastructure, both used and derelict, appeared overlayed on top of, and sometimes in, the various ring bodies. She was surprised to see how many remote vehicles were in use in the area.
She keyed over to the Civilian channel and said, “Gronlis, what is the status of the mining drones in the area?”
“Some are down for maintenance reasons, but most of them are in shutdown mode to avoid detection. It’s the standard procedure when there is an attack. They make prime targets for raiders.”
She thought on that a moment and said, “How long would it take to start a few of them back up?”
There was a pause, and she heard his gruff voice reply, “About fifteen minutes usually, it can take a while to get the reactors up to functional and heat up the systems on board to operational tolerances. It all depends on the condition of the drone, really. Some of the newer ones can be up and going in a minute or two, but most of them are kept just functional enough to do their jobs. So on average, yeah, about fifteen minutes.”
“Well, in fifteen minutes this will all be over, so that does me no good. Thank you for your help, Technician First Class. I hope the information you provided will prove helpful. I, and your planet, owe you one.”
“It is my duty, Pilot. I will stand by in case you think of anything else I can help with.”
As she keyed back to military channels, an indicator lit up and informed her she needed to begin the breaking portion of her approach. With the speed she had built up, she would blow through where the Blue Claw was last reported in a few seconds, assuming she didn’t hit something going through the ring and shatter into a thousand pieces with her ship.
The thruster nozzles on her fighter reversed direction and her chair adjusted to prepare for the change of forces. She grimaced as she mentally prepared for the high force deceleration. Severe deceleration was required to minimize the chances of the Enemy pilot getting a lock on her ship. No matter how many times she did it, dropping into a combat zone was nerve wracking and painful.
It always hurt.
It was not uncommon for pilots to come back into the hanger with broken ribs and severe bruising as a result of the older harness systems cutting into them. Those exceedingly rare older pilots from before the fresh infusion of Human trained youth oftentimes had permanent scale damage. Such disfigurements were carried proudly by their possessors.
Generally, permanent injuries had been mitigated by new harness systems introduced by the Humans, but she knew she would have significant bruising from this if she lived through the next few minutes.
Normally, it was standard procedure to deploy an ECMF to cover your approach when decelerating into combat. With how significant the forces involved were, the slowing pilot is so debilitated that any effective evasive actions would nearly guarantee injury. The ECMF would protect against weapons locks in this time of operator vulnerability.
The key part of that doctrine was the assumption that every deceleration like this would be into combat. In this case, however, she was decelerating into a planetary ring environment. If the Blue Claw hadn’t detected her yet, deploying a flare would immediately alert everyone this side of the planetary horizon what general area she was in. If she was lucky, she may have enough time to safely get into the ring before her adversary detected her. Once inside, the information from the civilian mining database would give her a distinct advantage, she hoped.
She braced herself and put on her mask again. As was her long habit, she took three short breaths before engaging the breaking thrust.
Once it was triggered, her body slammed into the restraints. The strange and agonizing sensation of her internal organs being crushed against the inside of her ribcage lit up the pain centers of her brain. Each breath was laborious, and out of long habit from training she tensed her arms and legs to inhibit blood from pooling in them.
She felt the pressure of the mask forcing air into her nose and mouth, and down into her lungs. It felt thick and cold. The compressed gasses always seemed out of place with how clean and filtered it was. There was no smell, no life to it.
As she was nearing the ring, an alarm went off indicating she was being painted with a weapons lock from two close by sources.
Missiles, and they were right on top of her.
She twisted her wrist on the joystick and the thrust pods on the sides of the ship swiveled to obey. With her other hand, fighting against the sudden change in forces, she managed to get a hold of the throttle and slammed it to maximum.
The ship responded by catapulting itself to port. She was thrown violently against the restraints on her right side. Two sharp sensations of pain accompanied by corresponding snaps she both heard and felt told her she broke something. Her system medical readouts verified she just fractured two ribs with the maneuver, and her nervous system seconded that assessment by a bloom of bright pain with every breath.
Her evasive action was immediately justified, however, when two missiles went darting by mere feet from her cockpit glass to continue off into the void. At the speed they were traveling, there was no way they would be able to turn and reacquire her before they ran out of propellant. She glanced at one of the panels on her display board and saw their tracking had been activated a mere half kilometer away.
This pilot was dangerous.
A quick look at the tactical readouts showed her the shot was taken with significant deflection. That was both good and frightening.
She could tell by the angle of the attack and where that line intersected with the ring that the Blue Claw was still some distance away, well outside the low percentage hit range for direct fire weapons. If they were outside the sensor cover of the ring, her systems would have easily picked up their fighter.
She triggered the flare release on her joystick and deployed an ECMF before returning the thrust pods to slow her approach to the ring. As she struggled to maintain her breathing through the agony of her injuries, she decided to focus her mind on something other than the pain. The now verified range of the attack and the deployment of the flare gave her a much-needed moment to collect her thoughts and analyze the situation.
With how severe the deflection of the attack was, it would be a herd to manage hit. Adding in the target velocity change and range, and it would have been an almost impossible kill. Her Assassin had seen her approach, but didn’t try for a quick and dirty kill like most pilots would. They took their time and kept a cool head. They plotted the vectors and speeds, and rather than try to take a low percentage direct fire weapon shot, they went with a missile attack.
They were smart enough to know that if they fired missiles and had them immediately go into active tracking, at that range it would have been a simple matter for her to deploy an ECMF and break their targeting lock. Her opponent chose instead to pre-program the missiles to activate their tracking when they got to a specific distance. To get even close, they would have to calculate on the fly her decreasing velocity, the missiles’ increasing velocity, and then set them to start active tracking close enough so she wouldn’t have time to react. The fact that they got the missiles to a half a kilometer before they activated tracking was unsettling to say the least. Unless the sensor packages of the Enemy were generations more sophisticated than what her fighter had, that would mean this was one incredibly skillful pilot.
On the plus side, if the Blue Claw had a standard missile loadout, they had used two of the eight missiles in their arsenal.
Some small satisfaction crossed her mind knowing she had more ordnance than her opponent, but truth be told, an enemy with one missile is just as dangerous as one with eight, and the Blue Claw still likely had six.
These thoughts crossed her mind as she was nearing the cover of the rings.
Her first order of priority would be to find a safe area to fall into the ring. Her velocity was still too high. The juke to avoid the missiles meant that she lost about two hundred meters of safe deceleration. She looked over the readings and saw an area that had been mined out extensively. There was nothing bigger than pea-sized gravel in that space. It had a note that the area was full of tailings dust, whatever that meant. Small rocks and dust wouldn’t do much, if anything, to give her a tactical advantage. The problem immediately in front of her was a safe place to slow down through, and it definitely made for that.
She redirected and pulled away from her previous course. She did so making sure to keep the flare between her and the direction the Blue Claw had to be approaching from.
The next order of business would be to find an area that gave her a tactical advantage of some kind.
She looked over the information provided by the database and saw a mining zone near a mountain-sized piece of material. She noted with frustration that the final portion of the data stream, the artificial object database, was not yet complete. She pulled up the information and saw that the connection was disrupted.
Opening the com, she asked, “Gronlis, please report? What is the status of the data feed?”
She was answered by loud static.
“Oh, of course. The flare,” she muttered to herself, realizing that the civilian communications equipment was not sufficient to break through the interference.
She looked over at the transmission light indicating she was still streaming for the general public. That struck her as odd. They must have some fairly significant technology behind that equipment. Then, she had an idea.
Opening her com, she said, “Gronlis, I am resetting the receiver to bandwidth zero six. That should be affected relatively little by the flare.”
She prepared the system to start receiving again when the data came through on that channel, and was pleased to see the download resume. It was slower at this frequency, but at least it was getting to her.
“Thanks, Tech. I would be in a lot more trouble out here without your help.”
In the last minute or so before she reached the ring, she input a series of waypoints that would lead her through the areas containing the larger, more tactically useful asteroids.
As she dropped down into the ring proper, she avoided the areas with larger pieces of rock and ice with the assistance of the updated tracking, she made her way safely into the mined-out field. The sound of smaller rocks and pebbles bouncing off the armored polyglass cockpit window was novel to her. The first one to hit made a large snapping noise, but the glass was unharmed. Soon, the It sounded like a crackling noise, or possibly static. Also present was the strange, intermittent sound of dust clouds impacting the glass, which reminded her very much of wind blowing through bushes or trees back on her planet.
It wasn’t long after that she broke through the plane of the ring that the countermeasure screen provided by her ECMF abruptly stopped. She figured it wouldn’t take long for the flare, having not changed course or decelerated as quickly as she had, to impact one of the orbital chunks and add its ruined material to the countless other drifting bits of matter.
In a few seconds, she had the Enemy ship on her sensors. It was far closer than it should have been. Her opponent must have taken advantage of the flare to exit the ring and close the distance at speed. She noticed that its trajectory put it in line to intersect with her original entry point to the ring. No doubt they intended to put her in between a rock and a hard place, having to decide between impacting asteroids, or evading incoming enemy fire.
With the ECM screen now down, she saw the Blue Claw redirect and start heading straight for her.
The thought of trying to lay a trap crossed her mind, but after considering the immediate environment she dismissed it. No, the best thing to do now was stick to the plan, follow the waypoints to the large asteroid, and use the home field advantage. Better pilots than her had gone up against this murderer and never came home. She had to outsmart this butcher.
She oriented her craft toward the first waypoint she set. The route sent her deep into the heart of the ring belt.
There was a little part in her mind musing that normally, the pain of broken ribs would detract from her ability to do complex tasks like navigating a course through an asteroid field partially by sight and partially by instruments. In the somewhat detached and analytical state she entered into during combat, however, she noted with both approval and healthy anxiety the clarifying force of being stalked by someone sent to specifically to kill her, personally.
Threnlis was glad to have the ring data. With it, her lead was increasing over her pursuer. Knowing what was behind the next asteroid, or set of asteroids, was proving immensely helpful. She increased her speed, and began pulling up more detailed information on the huge asteroid she picked to make her stand. She glanced down at the panel to read something, and when she looked back up, as she was coming over the horizon of a larger asteroid. She had to veer starboard sharply to avoid hitting a large, deactivated mining barge.
That was a sharp reminder that she didn’t yet have all the information on what was floating around out here.
She knew the more time she had to analyze the combat area, the better her chances were. It was clearly unsafe to try and split her attention in the middle of a chase, so she focused all her attention on speed, and getting to her destination as quickly as possible.
As she increased her thrust, she gasped a few times with short, pained breaths. The new speed meant she had to endure more physically as her ship darted and wove through the celestial obstacle course. Where normally such maneuvering would have been difficult, albeit within the normal course of fighter combat, with broken ribs it was abusive.
After a few long minutes of agonizing flying, she was somewhat relieved to see her display update with the remainder of the civilian mining database information. Drones of all kinds, equipment, even broken drill bits left inside mine shafts were visible. Her display of the target area looked interesting, but that would have to wait.
Visually directing her attention farther into the field up ahead, she could see it now. It was a huge. What surprised her somewhat was how clear the space around it was. There was little to no debris within at least two hundred meters of it in any direction.
She kept up her pace, and soon broke out into the clear area surrounding the mountain-sized asteroid. She looked at her readouts to see how far behind her pursuer was, and was glad to see she had about two and a half minutes lead on them.
She directed her fighter toward the huge floating rock and began looking through the information the database contained on it. There were multiple exploratory mineshafts piercing it to various depths. Apparently, this beast had previously had significant interest by the miners over the centuries.
Of the various tunnels, two stood out to her as being of particular interest. They were large enough to fly her fighter through, and they intersected deep inside. She didn’t know the rationale behind it, but the two shafts met at nearly ninety degrees to one another. Perhaps most importantly right now, however, was that one of the openings was on the same side as her pursuer’s approach. A third tunnel was an oddity and drew her notice only because it’s bore hole still had a large metallic drill bit that had broken off at some point.
In addition to the holes in and throughout the structure, she saw entire fields of its surface that were being used as a convenient place to dump tailings. While not significant by planetary standards, the gravity of this asteroid could certainly keep some loose gravel on its surface. Now that she thought of it, perhaps that was why the area immediately surrounding it was so free of debris.
A quick look at the remainder of the area revealed little else of interest. A pair of hauler drones floated inactive nearby. One had a load of rock to dump, the other was empty having just deposited its refuse.
Her analysis of the area took about a minute, and she decided to use the remaining time to lay some flares. She chose some areas just inside the clear area, and deposited a few along the perimeter in a semi-sphere shape closest to her approaching enemy. As she was dropping them off, she set them to proximity activation. After that pattern was set, she looked and saw the counter indicated only two ECMF’s remained in her ship’s countermeasures bay.
She wondered how much benefit they would even be. This entire battle, at the ranges they were going to be engaging at, would certainly come down to direct fire weapons. As one of her Human instructors back at the Academy used to say, this would be a, “Knife fight.”
She trained her passive sensors on the incoming ship, and positioned herself just above the mineshaft opening that would lead her through to the other side of the floating mountain.
As she watched the dot representing the Enemy ace get closer on the sensors, she felt the creeping doubts and anxiety penetrating her focus. She was used to battling back fear before an engagement, but this time it was different. She was in pain, and about to go up against someone that had killed better pilots than her. This monster had killed over two dozen of her friends and acquaintances.
She was intimidated, scared, and hurting. All she could do now was wait for her assassin to arrive.
As she watched, her target slowed, and came to a stop. She pulled her eyes away from the readouts and looked through the cockpit. There, on the Heads-Up Display, there was an indicator of where the other ship was. Straining her eyes, she looked and verified that there was no clear line of sight between them.
Instinctively, while keeping her nose and weapons pointed at her opponent, she began sideslipping and making other movements that would disrupt any attempt to hit her with the direct fire weapons.
As she watched, a pair of missiles darted through at an angle about fifteen degrees off from the line that would lead to her. When they had gotten about 10 meters inside the low debris zone, they went active.
Immediately, the nearest two flares lit up the electromagnetic spectrum. The munitions never got the chance to even reorient themselves. She watched them streak off, leave the cleared space, and soon one slammed into a ring object, with the second following suit seconds later with an asteroid farther into the field.
Confused, she looked back in the direction of her opponent. The HUD was being disrupted by the ECMF’s that had gone off, and it no longer had the small hexagonal indicator showing where the Enemy pilot was. Then, down about ten degrees from its original position, she saw it. Speeding through the field, slipping through the various obstacles with grace, was the Blue Claw. Then, everything snapped into clarity. Those missiles had been a test. More than that, her clever adversary had used the missiles as a distraction. They must have piled on the thrust the moment they saw the flares go off.
With her aiming computer hampered by the active countermeasures, she did her best to line up the Enemy pilot and opened fire with her recoilless cannons. Every five rounds in the ammo feeds there was a trace round. They proved extremely helpful in correcting her fire and she was positive that she scored a handful of hits on the closing craft.
Unfortunately for her, tracers work both ways.
Next: Peacemakers (Conclusion)
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Here is some additional information about the upcoming version 11.5.1:

• New Calendars, till November, already reflected in the wiki.
  
• A new grid item, Jack O'Lantern Fire Tile. No idea what it does.
  
• Two new Arena seasons.
  
• The destruction of Grimrose, Shadow-shroom, and Iceberg Lettuce no longer causes penalties in the Arena. (Nobody is using those there, which is probably why nobody has noticed.) However, now the destruction of Electrici-tea, Gumnnut, Tumbleweed, Murkadamia Nut, Explode-O-Vine, Solar Sage, Teleportato Mine, Heath Seeker, Noctarine, Iceweed, Blockoli, Buttercup, Bramblebush, BzzzButton, Bud'uh Boom, and Bean Sprout will cause penalties there. I think that adding some of those is a bad idea; they are meant to be destroyed.
  
• There will be a new offer group in the Shop, on the Adventure tab between the 8-hour and the daily offers. It will have something to do with the new plant leveling system but I don't quite understand how this is supposed to work.
  
• New Shop offers, already covered by the wiki.
  
• New plant, Blast Spinner, unfinished.
  
• New plant, Doom Shroom, very unfinished (barely started); probably won't be in 11.5.1.
  
• SeaFlora has had the cost reduced to 175 sun, the toughness decreased somewhat, the damage increased significantly.
  
• Mangofier's stats have changed - toughness decreased, cooldown decreased, damage increased, splash damage almost halved, damage zone duration increased, and it now costs 250 seed packets to unlock, as expected.
  
• Sea-shroom will now have a water pot in the Zen Garden (I think), as it should.
  
• Each plant now has a "rarity" property - probably related to the new leveling system.
  
• They are doing something with the Arena practice quests - I see now references to Arenas named after specific plants instead of just numbered; not sure how this will impact the gameplay. I mean, it wouldn't make sense if the Practice uses a different Arena level than the real Arena...
  
• The Find More dialog of the Almanac has changed; I think the offers will have timers there now.
  
• Penny's Pursuit world rift19 has been modified, probably a bugfix. For several of the levels the map indicates that they are conveyor belt levels. The levels themselves haven't changed.
  
• Lots of Thymed Events have changed
  
  • Feastivus, levels 31-90 have been added (WTF?!).
  • Food Fight has been substantially rewritten. It now has 65 levels instead of 15 (WTF?!) and the first 15 are completely rewritten.
  • Lunar Zoo Year has been completely rewritten and has 50 levels (WTF?!).
  • Bamboo Spartan - level 3 has 5 waves per flag instead of 3, level 4 has had the Feastivus zombies replaced with Far Future ones.
  • Bombegranate - level 3 has had the Feastivus zombies replaced with regular ones.
  • BoomBerry - level 1 has had the Sportzball and Circus zombies replaced with Tutorial and Dark Ages ones, level 2 has had the Springening zombies replaced with Ancient Egypt ones, level 3 has had the Springening zombies replaced with Wild West ones, level 4 has had the Birthdayz and St. Patrick zombies replaced with Dark Ages ones, level 5 has had the Birthdayz and Food Fight zombies replaced with Dark Ages ones.
  • Cabbage-pult - level 2 has had the Summer Nights zombies replaced with Tutorial ones, level 3 has had them replaced with Lost City ones, all levels have had their numbering fixed.
  • Coconut Cannon - level 1 has had the Food Fight Chef zombies replaced with Jesters, level 5 has had the Sportzball zombies replaced with Tutorial and Modern Day ones.
  • Conceal-mint - level 3 has had the Feastivus zombies replaced with regular ones.
  • Contain-mint - level 4 has had the Lunar Zoo Year zombies replaced with Tutorial ones, level 5 has had the Springening zombies replaced with Wild West ones.
  • Fila-mint - level 4 has had the Birthdayz zombies replaced with Ancient Egypt ones, level 5 has had the Summer Nights zombies replaced with Tutorial ones.
  • Gold Bloom - all the 5 levels have been substantially rewritten.
  • Jalapeno - level 1 is significantly rewritten, level 3 has the Lunar Zoo Year zombies replaced with Pirate Seas ones, level 5 has the Lunar Zoo Year zombies replaced with Wild West ones.
  • Lightning Reed - level 3 has the Summer Nights zombies replaced with Tutorial ones.
  • Pea Vine - level 3 has the Feastivus and Springening zombies replaced with normal ones, level 5 has the Birthdayz zombies replaced with Neon Mixtape Tour ones.
  • Reinforce-mint - level 3 has the Feastivus zombies replaced with normal ones.
  • Rhubarbarian - level 1 has the mold and the gravestones removed, level 2 has the gravestones removed.
  • Snapdragon - level 3 no longer has a flowers line.
  • Spear-mint - level 1 has the Tomb Raiser zombie replaced with a Far Future one, level 3 has 4 flags instead of 3, level 5 has the Feastivus zombies replaced with Tutorial ones.
  • Squash - level 5 has 4 waves per flag instead of 3.
  • Threepeater - level 5 uses Frostbite Caves zombies instead of Feastivus ones.
  • Bun Chi - levels 4 and 5 now use Tutorial zombies instead of Springening ones.
• Lots of new Thymed events have been added. Not all of them are scheduled yet.
  
  • Circus (a 4th one), 15 levels.
  • Lawn of Doom, 35 levels.
  • Tombastic Adventures, 15 levels.
  • Ail-mint, 5 levels.
  • A.K.E.E., 5 levels.
  • Appease-mint, 5 levels.
  • Arma-mint, 5 levels.
  • Bean Sprout, 5 levels.
  • Bombard-mint, 5 levels.
  • Bramblebush, 5 levels.
  • Bud'uh Boom, 5 levels.
  • Cherry Bomb, 5 levels.
  • Chily Bean, 5 levels.
  • Headbutter Lettuce, 5 levels.
  • Mangofier, 5 levels.
  • MayBee, 5 levels.
  • Mega Gatling Pea, 5 levels.
  • Melon-pult, 5 levels.
  • Meteor Flower, 5 levels.
  • Pea Pod, 5 levels.
  • Goo Peashooter, 5 levelks.
  • Puffball, 5 levels.
  • Repeater, 5 levels.
  • Shine Vine, 5 levels.
  • Split Pea, 5 levels.
  • Tall-nut, 5 levels.
  • Tiger Grass, 5 levels.

Me (M23) and my girlfriend (F20) have been together for 2 years. Two peas in a pod and since the beginning we have been the loves of each others life, we started off so compatible in terms of our visions for life goals, our careers compatibility and sexual attraction however with drastic differences of life experiences and upbringings coming from two completely different places and cultural differences which have allowed us to learn so much from each other. Easily one of the most fulfilling and greatest romantic relationships with tons of experiences shared together for each of us but we do have our issues which i have come to learn is the yin to our yang.
This is the latest circumstance of our issues which brings me here
She wants me to be able to pay for her more of the time and as her partner who wants to be able treat my GF i either do pay for her or go 50/50 when it would hurt me to do otherwise ( eventhough honestly financially it doesnt make sense because we both have jobs but hers is more stable so she will even earn more from time to time ) so she can afford to pay her side plus she gets financial support from her parents for experiences when i do not at all.
We are on holiday and we both have just enough to spend for the 2 week trip (to my home country which we visit every couple of years & city but she so eagerly wanted to visit another city which is a big tourist attraction but away from my family evenhough i have not been there myself the trip was meant to see my old grandma). I still found ways to show appreciation for her by buying her a presents, taking care of her and paying for meals even though we both put aside roughly the same amount.
AITA for suggesting that the extra money from her parents should be put towards alleviating the cost of our stay in the second city as we both go halfs on the remaining amount? instead of me having to pay half when technically she doesn’t have to aswell? I understand that the money was sent to her so that she can enjoy the trip but in this circumstance if roles were reversed i wouldnt have a problem treating the money as if it were to help both of us. She made such an issue out of this suggestion eventhough i don’t see why it would hurt her to consider me in this way.
It seems to me like a lack of compromise or borderline selfish concerning my needs when i do consider hers. She mentioned that she doesnt want me to spend all my money however i technically will be, but out of my love for her i went along on this trip within my means but these small things are now taking me out of my means and still she doesnt understand how my suggestion will meet my needs eventhough it may require her to have less of her parents money for herself.
FYI
She is technically the youngest / only child with a brother much older than her who doesnt live with her
She has always gotten everything she wanted growing up no matter the case
I feel she is spoiled / privalged but doesnt see how this affects her character in negative ways
There are other scenarios where i have seen traits of lacking compromise, inconsiderate, spoilt, avoidant, self centred and its like because i know how she’s like this due to her upbringing i almost have enough grace to accept it but im not sure what to do because i almost always love the way we are when together but these issues are really getting to me because i would do for her what she doesnt for me in a heartbeat but because i am very understanding and come from a very different upbringing of culture and love, i am a deep lover but the more i allow these things to pass by it builds resentment and i feel i would end up having to leave if she cant come to an understanding of such problems which keep resurfacing in different ways.

I (27M) had been with my now ex-girlfriend (24F) for 5 years. We met in college and were two peas in a pod. (It’s been 2 weeks apart) Early on in the relationship everything was great. I could tell she was very reserved and sweet and kind. We had so many things in common when we started to get to know one another. There was one instance when we were about 2 months in. I asked if she had ever been tested for anything and how many partners she had been with. She proceeds to tell me that she had been tested and she had been with about 7 people (sexually). I felt comfortable and trusted this. Fast forward about a year into the relationship. I found a list of names. The list was over 40+ people and when I asked her about it she admitted she had lied to me. It took awhile for me to trust her again. But I understood, telling a stranger who you hardly know how many people you had sex with can be off putting, but this is where it begins.
After that incident I got over myself and my pride and moved on. Fast forward to the next year (2nd year into the relationship) She started to lie about small things. Who she was going to the library with, telling me she was going somewhere but then go to a different part of campus (we were in college). At this point I was just confused. And the first 2 years really made me feel crazy because I just didn’t understand why she would lie about the just smallest stuff. She did not tell me she was diagnosed with depression and anxiety when she was a kid. Was medicated and attempted suicide and was hospitalized. I did not find out until way later about that. Her father had committed suicide when she was very young about 4ish I think. So I just kinda shrugged it off as her actually needing help because that is stressful. Her excuse for the lying was that “she was scared to tell me”. I have never done anything to make her feel that way and even when I would ask what I did to give her that complex she would just say “idk I didn’t want to make you mad”.
About the 3rd year in of us being together I really noticed her anxiety. She couldn’t call people to make appointments, she couldn’t hardly order food somewhere. This is where I started to see her flip a switch when faced with conflict or humility.
This is when I recognized she had anxiety episodes in public. As an example, my job at the time was to go to parties/get togethers/bars and handle community relations with a specific major brand. I took her to an event on campus and when we were walking in she thought she would say hi to someone she knew. Passing by she says “Hey girl” and then immediately starts to have a panic attack because it was someone she didn’t even know. She thought it was someone else. She started insulting herself and turned around and stayed in the car the whole hour or so I was there. I even tried to comfort her and tell her it happens all the time.
That same year, she decided she wanted to join me in my gym routine. Things are fine, but then we get to an exercise that she felt ‘wasn’t doing anything’ so I pointed out that we can try another exercise or go up in weight. Given she was not a gym goer I figured it was appropriate. Mid set, I tried to coach her form a bit (I have 15+ years of gym experience) and she throws the weights on the floor in front of the whole gym and walks out.
Then, the lying continued. She was going to a well known festival that I could not get off work for. She had bought her outfits and shared pictures of her wearing them on her social media. I had overseen where she had received a message from someone of her past that she was romantic with. He had given her a compliment (fine) but proceeded to try and plan for them to meet up at the festival. I was uncomfortable with that. We agreed it wouldn’t be appropriate for them to meet up especially with me not being there. She ended up trying to meet up with him and take him up on his offer to buy her a drink. I was then gaslighted into it being my fault and she only apologized for letting him buy her a drink and not for going against her word with me.
These are just some example of my experience. There were micro situations and then the big ones. After years and years of these situations, I found myself being numb. I became pretty harsh in my reactions to the incidents. Instead of constantly encouraging like I had been for the last 4 years. I ended up comparing her situation to others. “That’s just life”, “Everyone has dealt with that at some point”. Kind of comments. We would argue about it and I would always admit my fault but no matter what I was told I was not emotionally available and after the years we experienced with her meds taking a toll on our romance and down to zero romance, we had a mutual split but I can’t help but blame myself.
I gained about 30lbs after she broke our trust at the festival she went to. I couldn’t handle the stress and the lack of accountability. So I turned it inward and stuffed it away for the next 2 years. But during that time I myself had anxiety that she was always up to something. It got bad enough for me where I felt like I had to ask who is going to be at a function she is going to. Who texted her etc. And when nothing is going on I’m sure that takes a toll on her but we started therapy for these reasons and we made it through 2 sessions that weren’t that deep and when the mutual split happened I begged her for us to finish therapy but she said she doesn’t think we can sort through our issues and moved out to her moms house. I am having a hard time understanding how to cope with the frustration of the fact any time she lied she would gas light me and not take any responsibility. She’s not a ‘bad’ person and I am her longest relationship. What can I do. Do I just move on? Do I wait for her to come to her senses? Do I take some sort of action? I was already in the middle of losing this weight.

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This is an extremely long theory write up, unfortunately I had to split it into 2 parts. At the bottom of the post, I will include a link to part 2. You may comment on whichever part you like, I will be watching both, but please read both parts before doing so.

Marika and Fia: Deathbed Companions

Let's start with this image from the first DLC gameplay trailer:
Portrait from Shadow of the Erdtree DLC gameplay Trailer
Analyzing this portrait, it appears to show a very old man in gold, with a woman standing next to him, holding a hand on her stomach. I believe this woman is Marika and I believe the man beside her is a previous Elden Lord.
Veils are traditionally meant for brides, and black is the color of mourning for the dead. I think this is meant to indicate that Marika was a Deathbed Companion, like Fia, to this man. There are other lorists who have noted that Fia may be a proxy for Marika, because of their physical resemblance, the fact they have a sexual and/or mother component to their character role, and the fact they are both from ‘foreign lands’.
Marika's Hammer: Stone hammer made in the lands of the Numen, outside the Lands Between. The tool with which Queen Marika shattered the Elden Ring and Radagon attempted to repair it. The hammer partially broke upon shattering the Ring, becoming splintered with rune fragments.
I think this portrait from the Gameplay trailer is very strong proof that yes, she is. So if we examine the information around Fia, some of it may also be pertinent to Marika.
If you want to read more about deathbed companions I recommend this post by Kingsroc,
What do I mean by Fia is a proxy for Marika? I mean that Fromsoft has used Fia to give us more information about another character by putting echoes of Marika's story within her own. Fromsoft and Miyazaki do this quite often within Elden Ring and other Souls games. By having items and characters pull double or even triple duty, it creates a richer narrative and allows them to communicate themes, by tying every part of the story together with these strands, dare I say, these "pulls of meaning".
Fia is her own character that's true, and not every part of her character will be relevant to Marika. The same goes with every proxy character, the difficulty is in knowing which parts of the text or narrative pertains to who and what. Is there any definitive way to know if you aren't the creators themselves? Probably not, but the way I feel we can make our interpretations more likely to be correct, is to be sure every 'echo' is corroborated by another such 'echo' somewhere else, or even better, tied back to the original character in some way. If this can be done, then it further supports that piece of text or story having relevance to the main character you are relating the proxy character to.
That said, let's talk about Fia.
Left: Fia, Deathbed Companion. Right: Marika, the Eternal.

Fia says: “I was known as a Deathbed Companion, where I come from. After I received the warmth and lifely vigor from a number of champions, I lay with the remains of an exalted noble, to grant him another chance at life. To do so is the purpose of my being. But before I could bear the noble into new life, I was awakened by the guidance of grace, and chased from my birthplace*. Pray, be kind. Despite all that, I still wish to be a Deathbed Companion. So please, let me hold you like this, as often as it takes.”*

Fia's Robe: Robe of black cloth that covers the entire body. Worn by Fia, the Deathbed Companion, on her journey after being exiled from her home. The fabric itself is soft as silk and thin enough that those embraced can feel every pulse; every bit of her warmth.
So Marika appears to have acted as a Deathbed Companion. She was possibly married to this ancient looking old guy, who was an ‘Exalted Noble’ in a last ditch effort to ‘bring him into new life’ (produce an heir?). But before she could give birth to a child, she was ‘chased away’, so either she ran away or was exiled for some reason.

Golden Lord, Soulless King

Now who is the decrepit old man next to Marika? It seems important, because and in the art of Fia she also has the corpse of an old man next to her, and the corpse beside her is even wearing a crown. He appears to be some kind of dead King. Well we’ve got a couple dudes who match that description.
Left: Ensha. Middle: DLC Character. Right: Dragonlord Placidusax
Firstly there is Ensha, the corpse looking guy serving Gideon who tries to kill you. When you defeat him, he drops the Royal Remains set.
Royal Remain’s Set: Helm graced with gold human bones. Worn by the unspeaking adherent of Sir Gideon the All-Knowing. It is said that the bones belong to an ancient lord - the soulless king. The lord of the lost and desperate, who was known as Ensha.
So I believe that the person this set references is the same as this man in the DLC. His bones are golden, and he’s a corpse, just like the old guy in the DLC trailer. In Fia's dialogue a similar person is described as an 'Exalted Noble', and it seems like other items related to nobility may also be referencing this character, such as the Slender Noble's Sword.
Noble's Slender Sword: Narrow blade carried by wandering nobles. Made to be easy to wield. Daubed with gold from tip to tail, it should fetch a good sum.
The words in this particular description are a bit weird. 'Daubed' is a smelting term that means to be coated. It also mentions from tip to tail--and 'tail' is not a traditional term for any part of a sword. It's strange language, and I believe this is a hint. Because what is also covered in gold and has a tail are dragons. And there is an aged Dragonlord character who I also think is a proxy for this character, whose god was ‘fled’, chased out, just like Fia was.
Remembrance of the Dragonlord: Remembrance of Dragonlord Placidusax, hewn into the Erdtree…The Dragonlord whose seat lies at the heart of the storm beyond time is said to have been Elden Lord in the age before the Erdtree. Once his god was fled, the lord continued to await its return.
Others have suggested that Placidusax may be the original 'Stormlord' of Stormveil. I believe that this is a hint that Ensha, or whatever this aged Lord's name turns out to be, was the original Lord of Stormveil and a previous Elden Lord before Godfrey and Radagon. Marika acted as a Deathbed companion, laying with him to expand his dynasty. But something happened and she was chased out. What happened? I think the evidence is in the original portrait.

Marika and Tamar: Women Wronged.

Left: Arnolfini Portrait. Middle: DLC Portrait of Marika and old Elden Lord. Right: Judah and Tamar painting.
The Portrait bears some resemblance to the famous Arnolfini Portrait. This portrait depicts a richly dressed woman veiled in white with with a hand over her stomach, which can symbolize pregnancy or the hope for a child in the future. This is a very similar pose to Marika, with the hand on the stomach.
It is also very reminiscent of another portrait Judah and Tamar (Right). The veil in particular is quite similar, with a black veil covering the eyes, as is the hand placement again. In both paintings the characters are even situated on the same sides of the painting.
The Arnolfini Painting doesn't have a big story attached to it, but the other painting does. It is one across Judeism, Christianity and Islam. From the christian perspective, it occurs in Genesis Chapter 38. If you want a more in-depth description of the story and it's religious significance, read here. But I will do a quick summary:

A woman named Tamar is married to the eldest son of a man named Judah, and then to his second son after that son's sudden demise. This is because there is a custom that another son or the father of the son, can produce a child in lieu of the dead son with the widow, and that son grows up as if they were the dead son's child, allowing the Mother to stay within the family.
But then the second son dies. Now both Judah's older sons are dead, and believes Tamar may have been the cause. But unbeknownst to him, both sons were struck down by god for wicked deeds, not by Tamar. Judah sends her away to be a servant, saying he'll have his last, youngest son do the same custom when he's old enough, but he's lying.
Tamar realizes this and hatches a plan make Judah perform the custom as he should. She sits by the road wearing a veil, pretending to be a prostitute, and when he is drunk, Judah walks by and propositions her. They do the deed, and Judah gives her some tokens in exchange and Tamar disappears.
Later on, it becomes clear that Tamar is pregnant, and Judah is angry that she didn't remain chaste as she was supposed to. He demands she be burned to death--the common punishment for sexual crimes. But Tamar produces the tokens and proves her innocence. She is pregnant with twins, two sons to replace the two he lost.

Marika's story resembles Tamar's. The origin of the name MARika may even be rooted in TaMAR. She's a woman who lays with a much older man in order to produce an heir. She she is known to wear a veil, and as we will see, she becomes pregnant with his children, she is sentenced to be burned like Melina, and she is accused of betrayal when she's innocent. It seems likely she may also have produced two children.

In the Shadow of the Erdtree DLC Story Trailer, the Narrator says: "Miquella the kind spoke of the beginning. The seduction, And the betrayal...An affair from which gold arose. And so too was shadow born. What followed was a war unseen. One that could never be put to song. A purge without grace or honour. the tyranny of Messmer's flame."

It seems likely that Marika was brought in as a fertile partner to the Lord, but when she fulfilled her duty, she was accused of having betrayed the lord by laying with another, like Tamar was, and was sentenced to be burned for her sins. So to save her and her child's life, she fled and was branded a traitor.
This ties into another proxy of Marika's: Tanith.

Marika and Tanith: Mother of Serpents

She has the remaining TA from TAmar, along with the word "Nith", meaning enmity or spite towards someone. She also has themes of sexuality and betrayal, as well as being from a foreign land, like Fia and Marika.
Consort's Robe: Fine robe of white silk worn by Tanith, Lady of the Volcano Manor. Long ago, when Rykard first set eyes on Tanith, she was working as a dancer in a foreign land. Soon, he made her his consort. She was the only human to remain by his side when he became the serpent of blasphemy*. In that moment, Tanith was truly charmed by him.*
All three of these women wear fine, thin silken robes or black or white. The Deathbed Dress, also associated with Fia and Deathbed companions says it is white.
Deathbed Dress: Extremely thin and sheer white dress worn by the Deathbed Companion as she embraces the dead. The touch of the fabric is exceedingly soft, so as not to harm even the most withered corpse, while still sharing her warmth.
And Tanith, has another thing in common with Marika: Snakes and 'child abducting'.
Top: Frame from the DLC Story Trailer. Bottom Left: Jesus in Swaddling Cloth. Bottom Right: Kyoot bebe sneks.
Here we see a frame still from the newest cinematic story trailer taking strands of gold from a white cloth. The cloth has some very overt symbolism of a vulva or womb within it's wrinkles, as if to depict her stealing a child from the womb. For that reason it may be intended to depict a child's swaddling cloth, woven of thin silk.
But I also believe that the mottled white cloth is meant to resemble a snake's egg. You can see how pale and slightly mottled and wrinkly snakes eggs can be in the lower right image. The baby snake uses what's called an 'eggtooth' a kind of sharp veil over their nose to split the egg open and slither out. When they do, it deflates the egg, leaving it a bit wrinkly and with a linear opening quite similar to the DLC image. We also have various snake items in the game which appear to be relevant.
Left: Godskin Swaddling Cloth. Right: Serpent's amnion.
Serpent's Amnion: Amnion from the mother's womb which cradled the poor unwanted offspring of a repellent birthing ritual*. It will never dry out, remaining damp indefinitely.*
The Serpent's Amnion may a be an indication that the information present is relevant to Marika. The mother's womb may be a reference to Marika herself, while the birthing ritual is the Deathbed Companion custom, and the offspring is the child she produced with the old Elden Lord. It appears the child may have been 'unwanted'.
Godskin Swaddling Cloth: Sacred cloth of the Godskin Apostles, made from supple skin sewn together. The Gloam-Eyed Queen cradles newborn apostles swaddled in this cloth*. Soon they will grow to become the death of the gods.*
The Godskin Swaddling Cloth looks suspiciously like a snake egg shell, despite being called a 'swaddling cloth', and the Godskins themselves have snake tails and seem to be obsessed with flaying skins of gods, like a snake would shed its own skin.
There is even a Godskin Noble that appears in the Volcano Manor where our Marika proxy Tanith is the Lady of the Manor, within a temple dedicated to Eigly, and it drops three items, including the Serpent's Amnion.
Top: Volcano Manor Godskin Noble. Bottom: Volcano Manor Abductor Virgin.
Also associated with the Volcano Manor are the Abductor Virgins, an infamous mechanized enemy in the shape of an Iron Maiden torture device. At the top is a depiction of a crying woman in a black veil and gilded headress holding a swaddled child, and covered in snakes. The device can open up to reveal it is piloted almost cartoonishly by small snakes, and the insides are lined with slabs of meat as if to depict viscera. These snakes can reach out and 'abduct you', pulling you inside.
The very name itself seems to make a mockery of person depicted. She's called a virgin, and yet she is holding a child. Her womb can reach out and grab you, as if she stole this child she supposedly didn't have. And inside her is snakes, as if she's some lying temptress, the nemesis of Eve. Who is this person?
By now, I think you can maybe see where I am going with this. I believe this person to be depicting the Gloam-Eyed Queen, and I think the reason there is so much imagery related to the Gloam-Eyed Queen in this location with Tanith, is because the Gloam-Eyed Queen is Marika, and Tanith is acting as her proxy.
TaNITH's name includes the word 'Nith', meaning enmity or spite towards someone. I believe this is an indication that after being accused of lying, and perhaps even of killing her Lord, like Tamar was, Marika became hellbent on revenge and sought to kill her accusers as the Gloam-Eyed Queen.
Like Tanith, who gathers recusants, who have foresworn the Golden Order and the Erdtree, Marika looked to gather those willing to rebel against those who had accused her and chased her from the capital. The Godskin items, and the Godskin Apostles, Nobles and related items and characters, are remnants of that in the past. She's the Gloam-Eyed Queen because she became the dark twin of herself, choosing to embody all of the terrible things people said about her.
At the end of Raya's storyline, after you kill Rykard and talk to her, regardless of the options you pick in the story, she always leaves an item: Daedicar's woe.
Daedicar's Woe: Disturbing likeness of a woman whose skin was flayed. She smiles with a serene tenderness....It is said that this woman, named Daedicar, indulged in every form of adultery and wicked pleasure imaginable, giving birth to a myriad of grotesque children.
Now who the heck is Daedicar and what does she have to do with Tanith anyway? Well, it's just another echo of Marika. Rearranging the letters in Daedicar becomes DEAD maRICA. Daedicar's description describes how others saw Marika: as an adulterous, wicked harlot who gave birth to bastard children. The Godskins flay skin because they want to make the Gloam-eyed Queen's enemies hurt as she was hurt.
Rykard himself seems to be a kind of Marika reference with his name RYKArd referencing maRIKA, (In Japanese the I and the Y are the same letter). He was consumed by the Blasphemous Snake, as the Gloam-Eyed Queen was the true Marika being overshadowed by all of these rumors and lies about her. At the end of the same quest, we see Tanith now acting as the snake, consuming what's left of Rykard.

Tanith: Oh, you... Allow me some time. Our lord's carcass is vast and not easily consumed. Dear Rykard, please find purchase within me, I wish to be your serpent; your family. One day, let us devour the gods together.

Now, remember what I said about proxy characters? It's hard to tell which parts of a characters story are an echo of another, and which are unique to them. We have all of this imagery and item description that suggests this correlation between Marika and Tanith, but how can we know it's actually relevant and not a coincidence?
Well, it's also depicted echoed within our other proxy, Fia. After you defeat her champions she gives you several responses to dialogue options:

"Ah...there you are. I knew you would come. What is it you intend? To deny us, and our ways? Like the dogmatic brutes of the Golden Order?"
(Answering her "That's Right") "I see. Then you must kill me. For I am the companion of Godwyn, Prince of Death. I wished to be a mother to Those Who Live in Death. So it is, that any loathing, any hatred that overshadows them... I must bear, as a matter of duty, with my own flesh.
(You can talk to her again to get the chance to change your choice) "Go on, kill me. You deny us, do you not? Because we deign to live in Death, and wish our Lord to rise to glory.
(Answering "No, I want to be held") "You are an odd one. I am the guardian of Those Who Live in Death. They call me a foul and rotten witch. Yet you still wish to be held by me?" (Proceeds to hug her.)

Like Tanith, she is something of a recusant herself, calling the Golden Order "Dogmatic Brutes". Like Tamar and Daedicar, she is slandered and insulted, called a 'foul rotten witch.' She wants to be a mother to Those Who Live In Death, also like Tanith to Raya, and she presumes to take on all the harshness and cruelty of the world in her 'children's' stead, just as Tanith tried to keep the secret of Rya's parentage from her.

Tanith, after you see Raya's true form: "Did you see her? The girl, Rya... with her true face... Well, if she confided in you the name Zorayas, then perhaps it is not my place to speak. But as her adoptive mother, I ask of you. Please, be kind to her. Look after young Zorayas. Her true visage belies the purity of her heart... Honestly, I hardly deserve the sweet child."

And in the description of the Weathered Dagger, which she drops before leaving the Roundtable hold, we may have another reference to the Gloam-eyed Queen.
Weathered Dagger: Dagger received from Fia, the Deathbed Companion. She wishes for it to be returned to its rightful owner. It was once a special weapon of gold and silver intertwined, but is now worn down and marred by a black gash.
Though we hand this item over to D, it may be echoing another item we know belongs to Marika, her hammer as described at the beginning of the post. The hammer says it "partially broke upon shattering the ring, becoming splintered with rune fragments." And the Weathered Dagger is completely shattered along with the Elden Ring. The similarly named Weathered Straight Sword, may also be describing Marika in this time.
Weathered Straight Sword: Straight sword with a rather short but wide blade. Simple to wield, it was known as the sword of the people. Though the Erdtree styling is still visible, time has not been kind to this sword, now merely a shadow of its former self.
Language of the deathbed companions is also echoed within the Godskin items. The Deathbed Dress description says it's a "thin and sheer white dress worn by the Deathbed Companion as she embraces the dead." The word 'embraced' is also used to describe the Gloam-Eyed Queen embracing the Godskins.
Black Flame's Protection: A black flame incantation of the Godskin Apostles. The Apostles were all embraced by the Gloam-Eyed Queen, and the black flame was their armor within.

Slanderous Spiders: Shabriri and Godrick

This may be corroborated by the presence of the character Roderika at the Stormhill Shack who, like Marika again, is from a distant land, is blond and is fleeing for her life from the Lord of Stormhill. They also have shared parts of her name: MaRIKA and RodeRIKA. Roderika's name may be intended to indicate she is a representation of "Marika, on the Road". When you meet her, Roderika says:

"Everyone's...been grafted. Everyone who came with me. They crossed the sea for me. They fought, for me. Heh... Only to have their arms taken. Their legs taken*.* Even their heads...taken. Taken and stuck to the spider."
And later: "You're all on your own, are you? And heading to Stormveil Castle? Enticed by the one in the white mask, I suppose. Oh, you've come to be one with the spider? Well, that makes us two peas in a pod. But I don't have your courage. It's scary, you know. Having your arms cut off. Or legs. Or your head. I want to be like everyone else, but I'm just too scared. I'm nothing but a craven."

In the current time, 'the spider' Roderika speaks of is Godrick, the Grafted, the current Lord of Stormhill who has gone mad for the practice of grafting. However it appears likely that in the past, this would have applied to Ensha as well.
Further tying Godrick in as a proxy for Ensha, he appears to appeal to Placidusax, another Ensha Proxy. He is the current Stormlord, Dragonlord you could say, and Godrick grafts the rotting head of a dead dragon onto himself in an effort to become more like his ancestor. He claims kinship with dragons and also seems to be obsessed with the golden lineage, and enforcing his rule:

Godrick: Mighty Dragon, thou'rt a trueborn heir. Lend me thy strength, o kindred. Deliver me unto greater heights....Well. A lowly Tarnished, playing as a lord. I command thee, kneel! I am the lord of all that is golden!"

Godrick may also have a bastard child in Gostoc the Gatekeeper. It is only stated outright in cut content, but in a cut quest, Gostoc believed himself to be the bastard child of Godrick and considering how much he hates the guy, even stomping on his corpse after you've killed him, it isn't hard to believe.
Top Left: Golden-Silk Orb Weaver Spider. Top Right: DLC character. Bottom Left: Finger Creeper. Bottom Left: Ringed Finger.
Ensha's appearance in the DLC may be a reference to the real life Golden-Silk Orb Weaver Spider, or Nephilia, shown above. This spider is notable not only for it's golden markings, but the silk it spins for it's webs are even yellow-gold in color. It could be that the golden threads in the DLC Story Trailer are golden grace formed in the shape of a thread in reference to these spiders and this character.
When you look at the brief image we have of him from the DLC trailer, he has long golden tines from the golden... thorns? spine? sword?...stabbed through him and extending through his ribcage almost like an additional four legs, bringing the number of his legs up to a spidery eight. One could even interpret his head as the bulbous abdomen and the weapon's handle as the silk being drawn from within. I am anticipating, as well as dreading, the moment this guy turns into a spidery golden enemy, as I think it's a really good bet.
There are as yet no physical spider enemies in the base game of Elden Ring, which is quite strange once you realize such a creature was referenced directly in dialogue. And yet we do have all these monsters dubbed Fingercreepers, which resemble grafted together ages hands covered in golden rings. They crawl around like spiders, they seem to have this relationship to Godrick because of his grafting, but all we know about them is from a weapon, presumably from the thing's ancestor:
Ringed Finger: Bludgeon made of an enormous finger sheathed in several heavy rings. Thought to have been cut from an ancestor of the Fingercreeper.
Some life yet remains in this legacy of an ancient act of blasphemy*, as evidenced by the* barely perceptible warmth it still exudes.
Perhaps like Godrick, he literally practiced grafting. Roderick talks about chopping off people's arms and legs, maybe Ensha made the things we call fingercreepers. Or perhaps they spontaneously arose as a symbol for his creeping, roving hands due to the 'ancient act of blasphemy' he committed. I would suggest that the Ringed Finger may also be meant to evoke Ensha. There is some implication that this weapon is a third finger finger sliced from what are believed to be the 'Two Fingers' who chose Ranni as an Empyrean, but as we will see, Ensha may have a strong connection to the Three Fingers.
The phrase 'barely perceptible warmth' hearkens back to the role of the Deathbed Companion, who wore thin silk so their lover could 'feel every bit of warmth.' And the line about blasphemy corroborates the other evidence that suggests Marika was being truthful and never betrayed or lied about her child to Ensha. But at this point maybe the man was straight up mad, perhaps even...frenzied?
Another proxy for Ensha, or perhaps even the soul or spirit of the man himself, may be Shabriri, which Shabriri's Howl says is "The most reviled man in history."
The name Shabriri appears to come from a demon of the Jewish tradition (the same as the story of Judah and Tamar), whose name means "dazzling eyesight", and he is a demon which causes blindness. Aside from other similarities, EnSHA and SHAbriri have shared parts of their name as many other proxy characters do.
u/npcompl33t made some great observations a while back that ties Shabriri and Ensha. Zooming in on the gilded pin worn by the Lord in the DLC, you can see it appears to be stylized eyes and perhaps mouths, tongues or ears? It resembles somewhat Gideon Ofnier's sigil and the Shabriri's Grapes.
You can probably toss Gideon Ofnir, the All-Knowing in as a member of the creep-crew who are channeling Ensha in the present day. The name Gideon is Hebrew for "Feller" or "Hewer" and Ofnir is described in Grímnismál as an ormr or wyrm--that is to say, a dragon.
Above: Gold pins from DLC character. Bottom Left: Shabriri and Fingerprint grapes. Bottom Right: Gideon Ofnir's Spell Sigil.
Notably, Shabriri's Grape and the man we are calling Ensha in the portrait with Marika, both look to have Brown Eyes, but it's difficult to be confident about that with the sepia toned painting.
Originally there was a mostly complete quest line involving Shabriri and the Merchant Kale, but it was cut before release. Dataminers have managed to restore this quest however, so if you are interested in viewing it you can do so here. I have to wonder if it was cut to save for the DLC, where it looks like the character of Ensha-Shabriri may play a bigger role. Or maybe they just came up with something better and decided to go a different way, we'll see.
In the base game however, you first meet Shabriri within the body of a man you met previously in Limgrave, Yura. He doesn't appear to have a body himself, he's some kind of body hopping spirit, or demon, almost as if Shabriri were the soul to Ensha's Soulless Remains.

Shabriri: "Finally, we meet. The Tarnished who would be Lord. Oh my, why the long face? I fear that you were previously acquainted with this vessel. Well, that is most unfortunate. For he is dead. As for his flesh, he gave it to me, Shabriri. I hope you can make your peace with that."

In his own way, Shabriri, like Godrick is also 'grafting', taking body parts from others to make his own, but in Yura's case, he took the whole thing.
He initially appears to be trying to 'help' you save Melina, but if you keep talking to him he starts going crazy, talking about burning the Erdtree. And once again, we find he wants to remove barriers between bodies, like grafting taken to it's most extreme.

Shabriri: "If you inherit the flame of frenzy, your flesh will serve as kindling and the girl can be spared...setting you on the righteous path of lordship. The path of the Lord of Chaos. Burn the Erdtree to the ground, and incinerate all that divides and distinguishes. Ahhh, may chaos take the world! May chaos take the world!"

The Erdtree is a symbol for the Golden Order, for Marika's godhood. It seems he may have an interest in tearing down Marika's kingdom, as well as exposing a covetous interest in maidens. Various items related to Shabriri and to Frenzy have a slightly unnerving amount of sexual implications, particularly involving eyes and fingers.
Shabriri's Woe: Disturbing likeness of a man whose eyes have been gouged out. The corners of his mouth are upturned in an almost flirtatious manner. Constantly attracts enemies' aggression. It is said that the man, named Shabriri, had his eyes gouged out as punishment for the crime of slander, and, with time, the blight of the flame of frenzy came to dwell in the empty sockets.
Inescapable Frenzy: Incantation originating from the maddening Three Fingers. Causes the yellow flame of frenzy to blaze from the caster's eyes. To gaze into one another's eyes is truly the most intimate form of human contact.
It may be that the distant light that Hyetta sees is meant to be a false version of the 'guidance of grace' which awakened Fia in time to flee for her life. Indeed in the opening image of the game with Fia's art, it shows her rising from next to a corpse, turning to look at a sliver of light.
Shabriri's Grape: A yellowing, oozing eyeball of the infirm. The surface is shriveled, and the inside is squishy, not unlike a large, overly-ripe grape. Give to the blind maiden to guide her to the distant light.
I somewhat wonder if this light may have been something like a the crack of a door opening, allowing her to leave a locked room, but knowing Fromsoft it was probably more literal than that.
And speaking of creeps interested in maidens and fingers, it seems White Mask Varre may act as a proxy for Ensha as well. He gives out severed fingers, has a similar creep-factor to his voice and tone as Shabriri, is obsessed with producing a line of succession, the dynasty of his Lord, and may be the murderer of your maiden. If his dialogue is any indication, then it seems likely that this Lord Ensha was not just old, a liar, and possibly mad, but even violent.
(After returning with Blood-soaked Finger) "Ahh, my lambkin. You've completed your final trial. And with this, you are a formal inductee. A knight who will assist Luminary Mohg, the Lord of Blood, in the establishment of a new dynasty. Now, give me your finger. This noble blood will be an immutable badge of honor, once it settles. Inside of you."
(After Receiving Blood Finger): "Never forget that feeling of agony. For it is what binds you to Luminary Mogh, to all of us. Ha ha ha... You have the sweetest scream. My lambkin."
The existence of the various finger and fingerprint items, including the Finger Severer may indicate that in her escape, Marika actually cut fingers off of her attacker. But if this is the case, it doesn't appear reflected in the corpse seen in the DLC trailer. However it's possible, perhaps even likely that, that the person behind 'Ensha' is just someone emulating the original man, or he is some recreation of Gideon's.

Follow the Link for Part 2 -

This was just too long, I exceeded the character limit. So this theory is continued in Part 2.
CLICK LINK TO CONTINUE TO PART 2.

Am I the A hole-my aunt and I
I (17F) don’t have a very good relationship with my aunt(42F), since I was about seven years old. Now a little bit of a backstory. I used to be like two peas in a pod with her when I was younger. Well last June 2023 I went camping with her and my grandpa and my youngest cousin named let’s call him “Nick”(14M) well all of us were camping and it started off really rocky. I was blamed for something getting left at the house when I wasn’t the last one in the house it was my aunt who is the last one in. And I do want to add me and Nick both have epilepsy well I was on epilepsy team call that day that we were leaving for the camping and that is why I was blamed for what was left at the house well my aunt goes back to get what we left and she doesn’t return to the campsite till about midnight now it’s about 3 1/2 hour drive to where we were camping.
Fast forward to that day that we actually were able to do stuff well it was Friday morning and we really didn’t do anything besides kind of stay in the camper and that’s pretty much it well I slept in because I was up till almost the time she had gotten back From the house until the camper again so I only woke up to eat breakfast and do dishes. I automatically went back to sleep after doing both things well about close to noon I get woken up by Nick saying hey, we’re gonna go fishing and you’re coming. So I obviously agreed to going because they weren’t gonna leave me at the camper by myself. And no one told me that I should eat before we leave because we did not know how long we were going to be out fishing they were out fishing for 5 1/2 hours and I did not have any food with me at that point because we went to a completely different lake to fish.
And I wasn’t fishing I was kayaking around and swimming
Father’s Day was the day I left because my Aunt screamed at me and telling me I will call your mother and she can come pick you up. I snapped back at her saying go ahead. My Aunt screamed at me for six minutes and 20 seconds and my Grandpa sided with her.
And that’s only one time she has only partially ruined my life. She basically almost starved me that weekend.
Edit:I have talked to her about but nothing came out of it and I have apologized but she doesn’t seem to want to.
Edit 2:last year at thanksgiving she ended up yelling at my mother because my aunt didn’t want to do dishes after dinner and I ended up crying because of my aunt yelling and talking shit about my parents in front of me.
P.S. she never apologized for what she did to me and my parents.
Am I the A hole?

Background info One of my kitties passed away suddenly due to health complications in February at a young age, my passed on cat and my other cat where like 2 peas in a pod, and she was devastated by the loss, so when we where ready we adopted a little void and hes the sweetest lil guy you ever did see
Question lead up They seem to be getting along ok, we've been slowly introducing them to eachother but we're not allowing contact til lil man's vet appointment later this week we've had him for 4 days now and we are at the point of them being fine playing together with minor growling but as soon as our resident cat looks uncomfortable we separate, and we've been playing and giving our resident cat extra attention and treats especially when the new kitty and her had a meet session, we've been doing the same for new kitty and we're scent swapping in between via cat beds we've also been starting out with a gate separating them to guage how they are feeling about meeting eachother, lil baby man has no issues it's our resident cat that is still uncomfortable but feedings next to eachother seem to help
Question How do I know its safe to let then sniff eachother? I'm worried about fights happening, we haven't had one yet thankfully but I don't wanna slow down the progress. We didn't have to worry about this with our passed on kitty because they got along right away also am I doing things right? I know I'm moving a bit fast but I'm going at their pace and what they will allow and are comfortable with so I think it's ok?

Hey everyone, straight dude here (using a throwaway account for this because I’m not sure if she browses this, or any, subreddit). Within the past few weeks I’ve started dating someone who is asexual and I really like her! We get along like peas in a pod; it’s only been a week or so and I already cannot imagine going without her, she’s truly one of a kind! I’m fully supportive of her being ace, I’ve never really cared much for sex myself after a bad first experience with someone when I was a bit younger so it works out. So far I’ve been open and I’ve asked questions where I have them but, because I have anxiety, I worry about saying something dumb.
The main thing is just that I want her to feel seen and supported. She’s already expressed worries and anxiety about her lack of interest in sex and how it might affect our relationship. I assure her that it won’t, that I’m 100% OK with her, who she is, and her decisions about what she does with herself and her body. Because I am anxious, and because I really like her and I don’t want to screw it up, this is where I turn to y’all for some general advice. Is there anything that you can think of that someone has done (or could have done) that would have made you feel seen and comfortable about being ace in previous relationships outside of reassurance and communication? I know those are two really big keys to success in any relationship, not just ones with ace people, but I’m sure there are other things that I’m missing or could be doing differently. Any and all ideas are really appreciated!! ♠️
Edit: I’ll add to this briefly and say that any and all tips for dating someone who is ace are 100% appreciated! I want to make her as comfortable as possible and if I even get 1 piece of useful advice from this post that’s a huge win!

Needing to address (Timestamp: 2:07) - Brittany: Okay, so I was going to have a surprise guest, Tom Schwartz on, to recap a lot of the drama going on on the Vanderpump Rules reunion. - Brittany: But things have been spiraling out of control online with Jo. And I feel like Schwartz needs to address some things that are going on because, you know, you're a good guy. And I feel like that it's not really fair that it's so one sided. - Brittany: Last time Schwartz was on here, the podcast, he didn't want to mention her name at all because out of respect for her, he just wasn't trying to go there. And I appreciate that. And I think that's great. But now the lies are getting a little crazy.
Tried to take the high road (Timestamp: 2:58) - Schwartz: Well, I know we're supposed to do like a fun reunion recap. - Brittany: Yeah. - Schwartz: But I mean, listen, I've tried not to touch this. I think in the high road, I am Mr. rise above. I don't go looking for negative stuff online, but people inevitably send you stuff and I'm seeing Jo talking shit about me, random clips, and I've tried not to respond. Just ignore it. Saying I'm her soulmate, reading my text on a live stream and I have to address this. I'm starting to get really negative comments on my social media. It's not getting to me, but I just want to address it. - Brittany: And you said nothing but nice things about her. Let me make that clear. Schwartz only says nice things about her. He does not like put her down, talk crap about her at all. - Schwartz: Thank you. - Brittany: But now things are kind of like spiraling out and lies are being spread. And that's why I really think that Schwartz needed to like address this.
Feelings being hurt (Timestamp: 3:53) - Schwartz: And okay, at the top, though, let's just let's acknowledge like clearly she's acting out, you know, her feelings are hurt. I don't want to invalidate her feelings, but also I have feelings and they're valid too. Okay, I got feelings. - Schwartz: I want to shine a light on my point of view and why I pulled away from her. Okay, because I feel like she's kind of using social media to create this sort of, I don't know, poor me, I got played breadcrumbing narrative but she's building a following at my expense and I'm getting tired of it. You know what I mean? - Brittany: I mean, the videos have been a lot. - Schwartz: That's what I mean. The live streams. I just want to clear some things up. She's blocked on my social media. She's deleted from my contacts, but people send me the shit like unsolicited. - Schwartz: And this will probably be the last time I talk about it, hopefully. But it's just really it's frustrating to see her playing the role of like a victim. Okay, it's like sometimes you really dig somebody. - Schwartz: And then you find some things out about them that causes you to look at them in a completely different way. I mean, well, sometimes you just really dig somebody and then the feelings go away. - Brittany: You were just having fun, kind of. I feel like you went through a lot with your relationship and you were going through a divorce and everything else. - Schwartz: So yeah, no, of course, and like, okay, I will acknowledge, like just the record, I think people know this, but like we hung out so much. We had such a good time together. We had some sort of whatever you want to call it. - Schwartz: But you know, we spent a lot of time together. And it was so fun. But we were never in any sort of conventional exclusive relationship. - Schwartz: And we were coasting in like a pretty nice direction, I think, until like maybe like the beginning of filming. And that's where I don't know, maybe I started to know like some erratic behavior, maybe some red flags.
Yeah, I was going to ask you because so many people were wondering. She did that like one live where her friend was in the background and she kept people kept asking her, what was the one big thing that made you and Schwartz or that made Schwartz like stop talking to you or like, you know, back up from the relationship. And she was like, I don’t know! We don't know what that one thing was. (Timestamp: 5:40) - Schwartz: Yeah, I mean, I okay, I didn't see that. - Brittany: Was it one thing or was it a lot of things? - Schwartz: Yeah, it was a lot of things and I'm not going to divulge most of those things. - Brittany: Yeah, you don't have to. - Schwartz: But one of the biggest things is I found out that she makes up. In my experience, she's a compulsive liar. - Brittany: Yeah. - Schwartz: Okay. - Brittany: And I know this firsthand. I will say this whenever I'm just going to say this story because I feel like people do need to realize this because whenever Kristen's dog, Bowie passed away, she was telling people that Jax and I called her and told her that Kristen's dog passed away. We don't even I don't even have her phone number. - Brittany: Haven't talked to her in years and years and years. So for me, that was just like, what's the point of saying that? That was just such a lie. - Schwartz: That's the thing. Some of her lies are just benign. - Brittany: For no reason - Schwartz: They're just benign nonsensical kind of outlandish lies. But some of them, I'll talk about this, I'll touch on it. I'm not going to go into detail because I just like I don't want to grudge or anything like that. - Schwartz: But some of them were malicious or manipulative. In low key, I feel like kind of what she's doing with these live streams, like building a following at my expense. And I feel like she's slightly manipulating the audience, too. But again… - Brittany: Well, she keeps saying that you're her soulmate. - Schwartz: Yeah, let's get into that. - Brittany: Yeah, please. I'm like, what's happening?
Caught Schwartz off guard (Timestamp: 7:23) - Schwartz: So like, all right, just so they have an idea, like the first one, the first time I was like, oh my god, like, holy shit, that caught me really off guard. It's kind of a doozy. - Brittany: I was going to say, did she say that to you? Like, was she open, like, you're my soulmate to you? - Schwartz: No, she was not like that to me. Yeah, like we had a great connection. Okay, that's established. Yeah, we were hanging out a lot. By the way, she never lived with me. Just to the record, Jo has her own place. - Schwartz: She has like a rental property. She has an apartment. Never lived together. But without a doubt, like we had a great connection. And like around the time we started filming is where I started slowly pulling away.
First lie (Timestamp: 7:57) - Schwartz: And like one of the main reasons was like the first lie that I substantiate and I found out. It's like just like casually one day she mentioned that she used to babysit for one of our executive producers kids. And she told me that… - Brittany: She told you that to you to your face. - Schwartz: Just so nonchalantly. And she was like because I was telling her about the pitfalls of doing reality television and somehow it's like, you know, things can get taken out of context. It can distort your image. And she's like, no, no, no, it's like I'm not worried about that because like I used I babysit your executive producers kids. - Brittany: Oh my gosh. What’s the point? - Schwartz: I never I had no reason to question that. But I asked him like weeks later and he's like, no, I never met her before the show started. That was the first seed of doubt. - Schwartz: You know, we were never in any sort of conventional relationship. So I didn't I didn't confront her. I was just like, okay. - Schwartz: And I started slowly pulling away at that point. You know what I mean? And then as time went on, we filmed, we had a good time. - Schwartz: I thought we could just stay friends and I just like people started coming out of the woodwork and telling me things about her. And I would like shut them down, sometimes even go to bat for her and defend her.
Jo talking to Schwartz family (Timestamp: 9:08) - Brittany: Was it ever a red flag for you that she just kind of like stopped talking to Kristen? - Schwartz: I mean, I never at the time. No, I got to be honest, though. I was down. I was like fucked up. I was in my own world. I was vulnerable. I was not thinking right. There was this as time went on, like some other things happened, in particular I'm not going to go into this, but there's some like… - Brittany: We need to hear some things because you need to say your side a little bit. - Schwartz: After what I just told you, like, I shouldn't even have to say anything else. But like some of the things that happened were kind of manipulative and malicious. - Schwartz: Jo is not a bad person. She's not malicious. But some of the things I found out that she told my family behind my back really fucking pissed me off. My mom told me, my sister told me, my brother told me. And it's just honestly. - Brittany: Do you think that was the biggest thing of why you started pulling away because your family got involved? - Schwartz: For sure. Yeah. Because my family got involved and like it's like they were. - Brittany: And your family is super close. You're really so close to them. - Schwartz: Really fucking like dangerous accusations and I just I don't even know if she remembers this, Jo, if you're listening. I don't even know if she remembers this shit. - Brittany: Really? - Schwartz: Just based on like the I don't know if I want to recount it. I don't want to recount it, but she's like she just she went behind my back and called my family and said some fucked up things. And like and like her and my sister were like they were like two peas in a pod. They I swear to God, my sister was her biggest fan in the world. - Brittany: Yeah, you even told me that your sister really liked Jo - Schwartz: She spent two nights with Jo. And she said it was one of the worst experiences of her entire life. Just think of like think about this kind of a profound statement. She spent two nights with her. - Schwartz: She had to block her afterwards. And she's like, I'm traumatized. She apologized to me profusely for weeks for trying to push her on me. And I was like, because I was like, I was trying to explain to her like Jo’s a great person. Like she's cool. But I just know like there's no longevity here. - Schwartz: And I just don't think like I just I have I have some reservations about it. But anyways, not going to go into detail. - Brittany: I mean, that that kind of says a lot anyway, just like that stuff. - Schwartz: It just really rubbed me the wrong way. And I'm just I don't know. I just want to say in my experience, like I just there was too many. There's too many lies.
How do you feel about her like outing your text messages? Like she was like reading them on lives, correct? (Timestamp: 13:57) - Schwartz: I mean, like I said, clearly like Jo's hurt. I don't think she made, I don't know if she has a great support system. She's like looking for validation on social media. I just, it felt like kind of a violation. - Schwartz: You know what I mean? If Jo hears this, wait, I'm going to do a call to action. Jo, if you hear this, Kaleigh, like the person that I used to know what, like go and show them, you know, go show them your hobbies, like the shit you do, your hair business, surfing, go be zany. - Schwartz: And wow, just don't can try to build a following at my expense. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like just like this is, I don't know, she's looking for like short term clout and imaginary online sympathy. And then I feel like she's sacrificing any sort of chance she has for like legitimacy or, you know, just a credibility. It's just, I don't know, I get it. - Schwartz: Like I think she's hurt. But like I pulled away from her because there's just too many lies. I'm not like, trust me, I have a list of like minimum of 20. 20 like substantiated, confirmed lies.
Didn’t she kind of say that after you guys did the reunion together that you were hanging out with her or texting her? (Timestamp: 15:07) - Schwartz: One of the ones that really rubbed me the wrong way. I don't know. I'm like, I don't know the timelines on this stuff. - Schwartz: Someone sent me one like a week ago and she was doing a live stream and she's like, he texts me nonstop, but I don't feel comfortable because I know he's seeing someone. And I'm just like, what the is she talking about? - Brittany: Yeah, because you're not doing that. Obviously. - Schwartz: I'm not trying to hold a grudge. I just I don't have a grudge. I have no hard feelings. It's just, I pulled like people need to respect the reasons why I pulled away from her. They're very fucking valid. I'm sorry. They're very valid. And anybody in my situation would have done the same thing for sure. - Brittany: I mean lies from the get go. Big lies about people in our lives. Thats weird - Schwartz: Some benign, but some like the stuff with my family, I can never look at her the same way. Yeah, she's cut from, you know, she's cut from my life forever.
Do you feel like you bread crumbed her at all? (Timestamp: 16:31) - Schwartz: Yeah. Like I said in the beginning, like we had so much fun. We had an undeniable connection. It was fun, man. It's like in the beginning, I think I like Jo because she was just so like the polar opposite human of Katie. And I don't mean that in a spiteful way. - Schwartz: Just like coming out of a 13 year relationship and like without a doubt. So I don't want to confuse people. Quote unquote mixed signals, but like sometimes you guys, you come into something and there's like, you know, there's a haze of like some sort of infatuation. You dig each other. It's so fun. - Schwartz: But then when you find something out about someone, it changes the way you look at them forever. And it's like when you find out someone's making up like random lies, I don't know, it makes you question all the all the outlandish stories she ever told me, the things she said. It makes me question her motive for coming into my life. - Schwartz: People like patrons in my bar would tell me stuff. My family would tell me stuff like after we stopped seeing each other, literally all my friends that I'm close with came to me and mentioned things. And I'm just like, oh, my god. - Schwartz said he has barely talked to Jo in the past 5 months - Schwartz: Ever since like sometime like late summer, early fall, there was like some incidents with my family. Just like it just caused me to pull away. - Brittany: I know there wasn't one big thing, but definitely addressing your family and in doing things with your family was just like that was like, okay, I can't. - Schwartz: I think in the moment, she thought she was doing something for me. I mean, I don't I don't want to get into that. - Brittany: You don't have to. - Schwartz: I think they were egregious and flagrant. - Brittany: But I think people listening understand when your family's involved, that's like a whole different level, you know? - Schwartz: Yeah, that was that last text I sent her, which she read, like only a portion of on the live stream. That's the reason because I had pretty much cut off contact, but like I got infuriated. So I kind of rage texted a little bit. - Schwarz: It was actually a very constructive, semi uplifting text towards the end. But like I started enumerating some of the reasons why I left her and why when you find out a few lies, some again, some some some innocent and some not so innocent. It makes you just question everything. - Schwartz: Anyways, just hey, go live your life. Go build a following. Do your live streams. Do a surfing live stream. Just don't try to do it at my expense. She's not a victim. She's not a fucking victim. I’m tired of this poor Jo narrative
***end of recap