I am starting a new job where i won't have a uniform so im planning a capsule wardrobe.
But button downs and blouses with ruffles etc all look so frumpy on me its getting me down! The only top i have that is acceptable is a black turtleneck. Any advise or inspo will help
Bottom: i have slacks, culottes, satin ankle length skirt which based if youtube, should be acceptable in the workplace
Dress code: business casual, although im hoping to be a little more professionally dressed at least in the first few weeks

I've recently been migrating over to Firefox from chrome and chromium browsers due to manifest v3 making adblockers less efficient, and google being... frankly evil in its business practices. It got me wondering- google used to pride itself on its slogan "dont be evil" until they became popular with android, chromeos and chrome. If Firefox had seen success with FirefoxOS like google saw success with android and other services and took off in a similar way do you think they would have turned out like modern google?
Just a shower thought I had I thought id share for discussion.

Okay so this post is for people who have questions about the test. So i applied for the southern division and took BOTH tests the same day. 8am for the PAT. 2pm for the written. I recommend you bring EVERYTHING they ask if the emails. READ YOUR EMAILS PEN. PENCIL. CLIPBOARD. FORMS. DOCUMENTS i recommend you dress business casual or wear a suit. Some people took the written exam in their workout clothes. No biggie If you’re trying to get your Pat out the way , GET THERE EARLY. like an hour early. For the written you’re going to be there all day regardless.

Hello! My name is Charlie and I’m from the great state of Michigan! I’m looking for some new long-term friends, doesn’t matter if you’re near me or not. I’ll keep it short, so here’s a bit about me:
I work in the auto industry and travel a bit for my job, mostly around Indiana, Ohio, and Michigan. I have been out of school for two years and was a business major.
I am a casual, mostly single player gamer but I am open to playing games together! I love racing games, rpgs, strategy games, and Paradox history games. I play on PS5 and PC!
I also love watching tv and movies, or YouTube. I’m a big music fan, love taking walks or hikes and just enjoying nature, taking drives, trying new food, going to museums, history, politics, NFL and college football, and Formula 1!
I’m a bit introverted but once I’m comfortable with people I can be a real chatterbox. I think I have a good sense of humor and am decently smart, as well as kind and very honest.
I’d love to get to know you, especially if we have things in common! Please don’t be shy and hmu with a short introduction about you!
Hope you have a nice day :)

(See update at the end) Some context before I (32m) get into the situation as I feel it's important to how I reacted. I have been in two situations, one as a 6-year-old and at 28, that involved women and unwanted touching and beyond in both occasions I have been powerless as a child or incapacitated as an adult like unable to control my bowels or bladder kind of incapacitated. Both my wife and my guest are aware of my past. I'm trying to keep this broad stroke so as not to violate any rules, but again I think this context is important.
So on to the current situation. We currently have a (26f) friend who is living out of a tent, and we often invite her over so she can do laundry, shower, and other hygiene tasks. In this instance, I decided to hop onto my computer and play some games while she did her stuff and hung out with the wife while I chatted back and forth with them a bit. As she wrapped up her visit, she approached me from behind and hit me with a hairbrush not hard just to get my attention. It for sure startled me, and I did snap at her telling her to stop. I looked up at her from my chair, and she does it again, and I tell her to stop again while making direct eye contact with her, which she doesn't doing it once more and then demanding I hug her, which I refuse to do, telling her very clearly "fuck no, I don't want to touch you," and I follow that up with if you keep going like this I'm going to kick you out. She gives me a kinda laugh and says whatever, I'm leaving anyway and then touches me again.
I get to my feet now both extremely panicky feeling and angry we have a bit of a scuffle not a fight, and I end up shouting at her to leave and not come back. I felt entirely violated in my own home during all this, but both her and my wife insist it was just a game and she did not mean it despite me telling her no repeatedly and both my wife and the guest hearing it. I'm for sure not saying my behavior was great, and I've been seeking long-term treatment to help with my issues both mainly being PTSD related to my time as an Army MP and the events mentioned in my personal life. Despite that, I 100% should not have acted in anger like I did.
So am I wrong for feeling the way I do? Or is the wife and the guest right and it was just a game and she didn't mean it.
EDIT: to be 100% upfront it escalated and I reacted (badly) physicality was involved but as also pointed out I was near panicked and overwhelmed due to my past.
EDIT 2: EDIT: Gonna try and respond to a few more posts then I've gotta have a break. I do thank everyone that took the time to write out comments or interact with me.
Edit 3?: My husband gave me access to this account, and I told him I wrote down my perspective. When I asked if I should add it, he said "it's up to you." So here it is.
Our friend approached my husband, who was playing an online cooperative action game on his computer, at his desk. I was sitting on the couch about 8 feet behind them, waiting for my friend to be ready for me to drive her home. She was wearing a long night shirt with a loose v-neck. She stood at his left side peripheral for about 2 seconds before she tapped the back of her hairbrush firmly against the side of his left shoulder. I immediately was not comfortable with this, as I don't tend to engage in horseplay unless someone else has repeatedly demonstrated to me that it's a method of expression that they like and want. I do enjoy my husband's frequent physicality with me, including picking me up or tickling me. My friend and husband have engaged in horseplay on many occasions before, tickling, poking at one another's stomach, and playfully throwing soft objects. This often included my friend's fiance, who usually only reciprocated with my friend. I will frequently smack my husband on the butt, but only when I am sure he is in a mood to be okay with it.
My husband said, "Hey, I'm busy," and didn't turn to her at first. She hit him again with the brush in the same spot, and my husband said "stop" in a normal voice, and my friend responded, saying "give me a hug (which we almost always all do at the end of visits). I don't remember if she hit him again, because he said (and I'm going to paraphrase, because at this point I began to get alarmed, and was only listening to the tone of his voice, and less to his words, unfortunately) that if she didn't stop, he'd make her leave. She said lightly that it didn't matter anyway; she was leaving. At this point, I realized by her teasing tone that she didn't understand how upset he was getting, which I did understand, through years of experience with his tone of voice and what it means. He didn't raise his voice, and I could hear that he was attempting to remain casual as he said something else, ending with "my dude" but that she had really pushed him past the point of anger and I didn't think she realized it. She put her hand on his shoulder, and he said "I don't want to fucking touch you now" and he stood up, and grabbed her by the neck of her shirt, pulling her foreward, and then put both hands around her throat, and I saw his hands tense, as he leaned down into her face and told her to leave the house and never come back. He pushed her backwards and she started to cry, and put her head down, hurrying to get pick up her things. My husband sat back down at his desk and didn't say anything else until I told him I was going to take the friend home and I'd be back, and he said "sure." The friend cried during the ride home, and her voice was harsh, but I wasn't sure if it was stress or physical. She did have marks on her throat, but those faded over the next few hours. She asked me repeatedly why he got so upset, and if anything was different, and I did point out to her that he said "stop," and she said that she thought it was part of the play. When I returned home, my husband did not seem upset, and seemed more relaxed than before, although he seemed nervous about my response to the situation. He said that he didn't remember putting his hands around her throat when I told him that he did.
My thoughts about this are that: 1) horseplaying with people with trauma, which all three of us have, to various degrees and in various forms, is potentially dangerous, and I'm frequently uncomfortable when it happens, although I often don't say anything, as I'm usually the odd one out when it comes to initiating social teasing, although I often enjoy receiving it.
2.) Our friend should have stopped at the word stop. I don't know why she didn't, but I don't think it was out of malice, because she genuinely did not seem to see how she was provoking him.
3.) Her actions were inappropriate, in my opinion, but his were potentially life-threatening and the fact that he didn't remember what he did was alarming. I am concerned that this will happen again, and he will have charges pressed in a situation where he is the first physical aggressor. This would be even worse if he inadvertently harms someone, and the escalation of force combined with memory issues in this latest case makes me worry that it might happen.
4.) I possibly could have prevented this from happening by being quicker stopping her or by getting between them, but I know from experience that once he has a grip on someone, I'm not strong enough to break it, and he ignores my presence or physically shakes me off if I try. He ignores my words entirely at these times. I expected her to see that he was upset before he snapped, because it seemed obvious to me, but she didn't, and I have no idea why. She's had lots of trauma of her own (as have I, including SA) in the past (and, like me, has worked in jobs that revolve around dealing with people dealing with trauma).

(See update at the end) Some context before I (32m) get into the situation as I feel it's important to how I reacted. I have been in two situations, one as a 6-year-old and at 28, that involved women and unwanted touching and beyond in both occasions I have been powerless as a child or incapacitated as an adult like unable to control my bowels or bladder kind of incapacitated. Both my wife and my guest are aware of my past. I'm trying to keep this broad stroke so as not to violate any rules, but again I think this context is important.
So on to the current situation. We currently have a (26f) friend who is living out of a tent, and we often invite her over so she can do laundry, shower, and other hygiene tasks. In this instance, I decided to hop onto my computer and play some games while she did her stuff and hung out with the wife while I chatted back and forth with them a bit. As she wrapped up her visit, she approached me from behind and hit me with a hairbrush not hard just to get my attention. It for sure startled me, and I did snap at her telling her to stop. I looked up at her from my chair, and she does it again, and I tell her to stop again while making direct eye contact with her, which she doesn't doing it once more and then demanding I hug her, which I refuse to do, telling her very clearly "fuck no, I don't want to touch you," and I follow that up with if you keep going like this I'm going to kick you out. She gives me a kinda laugh and says whatever, I'm leaving anyway and then touches me again.
I get to my feet now both extremely panicky feeling and angry we have a bit of a scuffle not a fight, and I end up shouting at her to leave and not come back. I felt entirely violated in my own home during all this, but both her and my wife insist it was just a game and she did not mean it despite me telling her no repeatedly and both my wife and the guest hearing it. I'm for sure not saying my behavior was great, and I've been seeking long-term treatment to help with my issues both mainly being PTSD related to my time as an Army MP and the events mentioned in my personal life. Despite that, I 100% should not have acted in anger like I did.
So am I wrong for feeling the way I do? Or is the wife and the guest right and it was just a game and she didn't mean it.
EDIT: to be 100% upfront it escalated and I reacted (badly) physicality was involved but as also pointed out I was near panicked and overwhelmed due to my past.
EDIT 2: EDIT: Gonna try and respond to a few more posts then I've gotta have a break. I do thank everyone that took the time to write out comments or interact with me.
Edit 3?: My husband gave me access to this account, and I told him I wrote down my perspective. When I asked if I should add it, he said "it's up to you." So here it is.
Our friend approached my husband, who was playing an online cooperative action game on his computer, at his desk. I was sitting on the couch about 8 feet behind them, waiting for my friend to be ready for me to drive her home. She was wearing a long night shirt with a loose v-neck. She stood at his left side peripheral for about 2 seconds before she tapped the back of her hairbrush firmly against the side of his left shoulder. I immediately was not comfortable with this, as I don't tend to engage in horseplay unless someone else has repeatedly demonstrated to me that it's a method of expression that they like and want. I do enjoy my husband's frequent physicality with me, including picking me up or tickling me. My friend and husband have engaged in horseplay on many occasions before, tickling, poking at one another's stomach, and playfully throwing soft objects. This often included my friend's fiance, who usually only reciprocated with my friend. I will frequently smack my husband on the butt, but only when I am sure he is in a mood to be okay with it.
My husband said, "Hey, I'm busy," and didn't turn to her at first. She hit him again with the brush in the same spot, and my husband said "stop" in a normal voice, and my friend responded, saying "give me a hug (which we almost always all do at the end of visits). I don't remember if she hit him again, because he said (and I'm going to paraphrase, because at this point I began to get alarmed, and was only listening to the tone of his voice, and less to his words, unfortunately) that if she didn't stop, he'd make her leave. She said lightly that it didn't matter anyway; she was leaving. At this point, I realized by her teasing tone that she didn't understand how upset he was getting, which I did understand, through years of experience with his tone of voice and what it means. He didn't raise his voice, and I could hear that he was attempting to remain casual as he said something else, ending with "my dude" but that she had really pushed him past the point of anger and I didn't think she realized it. She put her hand on his shoulder, and he said "I don't want to fucking touch you now" and he stood up, and grabbed her by the neck of her shirt, pulling her foreward, and then put both hands around her throat, and I saw his hands tense, as he leaned down into her face and told her to leave the house and never come back. He pushed her backwards and she started to cry, and put her head down, hurrying to get pick up her things. My husband sat back down at his desk and didn't say anything else until I told him I was going to take the friend home and I'd be back, and he said "sure." The friend cried during the ride home, and her voice was harsh, but I wasn't sure if it was stress or physical. She did have marks on her throat, but those faded over the next few hours. She asked me repeatedly why he got so upset, and if anything was different, and I did point out to her that he said "stop," and she said that she thought it was part of the play. When I returned home, my husband did not seem upset, and seemed more relaxed than before, although he seemed nervous about my response to the situation. He said that he didn't remember putting his hands around her throat when I told him that he did.
My thoughts about this are that: 1) horseplaying with people with trauma, which all three of us have, to various degrees and in various forms, is potentially dangerous, and I'm frequently uncomfortable when it happens, although I often don't say anything, as I'm usually the odd one out when it comes to initiating social teasing, although I often enjoy receiving it.
2.) Our friend should have stopped at the word stop. I don't know why she didn't, but I don't think it was out of malice, because she genuinely did not seem to see how she was provoking him.
3.) Her actions were inappropriate, in my opinion, but his were potentially life-threatening and the fact that he didn't remember what he did was alarming. I am concerned that this will happen again, and he will have charges pressed in a situation where he is the first physical aggressor. This would be even worse if he inadvertently harms someone, and the escalation of force combined with memory issues in this latest case makes me worry that it might happen.
4.) I possibly could have prevented this from happening by being quicker stopping her or by getting between them, but I know from experience that once he has a grip on someone, I'm not strong enough to break it, and he ignores my presence or physically shakes me off if I try. He ignores my words entirely at these times. I expected her to see that he was upset before he snapped, because it seemed obvious to me, but she didn't, and I have no idea why. She's had lots of trauma of her own (as have I, including SA) in the past (and, like me, has worked in jobs that revolve around dealing with people dealing with trauma).

I just had this realization today. I’ve had a busy week and wasn’t able to play as much. Now that I have some free time to play I need to complete my weekly’s which was the miniaturize and the battle cry quest.
Meaning instead of having fun and playing the modes/decks I want to play I’m forced to go into casual and play my miniaturize rogue deck that I made with its entire purpose being to play as many minis as possible and then go into BG’s and instead of trying to win I force an APM build so I can play as many battlecry minions as possible.
I’m almost done both and once I’m done I can’t wait to quit the game and do something else!
This is awful. The quests have gone from a reward for playing the game to a weekly chore I need to do so I can continue playing the game normally. But now it even fails at doing that because I’m now less interested in playing the game for fun.
I understand there’s supposed to be revisions soon but it genuinely might be too little too late. It reminds me of how I stopped playing OW2 a few months ago because I was getting tired of some of the gameplay aspects, I’ve heard they’ve made improvements to the issues I had and yet I never went back and don’t intend to.
I have another semi busy week coming up and if I can’t complete all my weekly’s without turning it into chore where my entire purpose of playing is to complete them I’m probably going to stop playing for awhile.

https://twitter.com/JapanTank/status/1789491214968144105
 
[Japan in 2024]
 
It's the year 2024 in Japan, and people are so outbid even for orange juice that they have resorted to desperately making "orange-tangerine mixed juice." Women are traveling abroad to prostitute themselves so much that they are being refused entry into the United States, and even to the point where they are going to South Korea, which was far poorer even just a short time ago, to work as prostitutes. What was once a major trading and exporting nation has long since rested on its laurels, and now with a trade deficit of trillions of yen and nothing to export, it is desperately bowing down to people not only from Europe and the United States, but also from Southeast Asia, India, and even countries whose names we have yet to discover in the tourism industry in order to earn foreign currency.
 
Even though it is a country with extremely low wages, it provides subsidies of hundreds of billions of yen to foreign companies to build factories in the country, and yet young people still go abroad to work. The top tier of universities has been completely snatched up by foreign capital, and graduates from prestigious schools such as the University of Tokyo, Kyoto University, the former imperial universities, Waseda, and Keio are pursuing empty careers in consulting and the like rather than manufacturing, with no prospect of earning foreign currency. The top echelons of the working world are fleeing to America one after another, and once they do, they never come back. In urban areas, Japanese people pay rent for apartments to the Chinese owners every month, and while the Japanese lament that they cannot afford the high prices, the Chinese buy the apartments in cash, calling them cheap. The price of imported building materials has soared and it's difficult to even buy a house, but the company president keeps saying "Don't worry, don't worry!" and people are grateful for the good value for money house, and the company makes the highest profit ever, and the sales of the small house real estate agency that calls out to people in their 30s in street sales in front of the station and has the slogan "Let's go, one trillion" have finally exceeded one trillion.
 
Even though the price of an iPhone in the US dollar has not increased, there is uproar in Japan saying, "It's gotten expensive again!", and almost all mobile communication means, such as smartphones and LINE, are controlled by foreign companies. By preaching some vague, mysterious fantasy and delusion called Society 5.0, they are desperately trying to hide the fact that they have not achieved Industry 4.0, let alone the Third Industrial Revolution, and since neither the government nor the private sector has any IT technology to sell anymore, they are desperately promoting something that is hard to understand, saying how amazing IOWN is, and making it look like they are doing business.
 
This country, which once engaged in empty discussions such as "If there is a labor shortage, we can just bring in immigrants" and "It's better not to bring in immigrants," is now being told, "People go to Korea or Taiwan because the wages are low," and "Wages are higher in urban China," and so it has no choice but to deceive Vietnamese people and create a slave system to secure a labor force. The medical infrastructure, which was once one of the best in the world, has been eaten up by the elderly, and the working generation has been exploited to the point where they have finally reached the limit of what they can pay. As a result, drug prices have been forcibly lowered, and there are now countless foreign-made drugs that Japan is unable to procure, with people saying, "We won't sell to Japan at that low a price." Young people who could be saved with new medicines are not saved, and today, old people still gather happily at the hospital to get compresses, and are given medicine that only slows down dementia by 20-30% at a cost of 3 million yen per person. Elderly people in their 80s and 90s lie in bed, simply prolonging their lives by being bedridden, and their single sons in their 60s come to visit them occasionally, hoping to get their pensions. All of this is being borne by the young working generation, who are short of money and have hit an all-time low in marriage rates and a post-war low in birth rates.
 
The yen, once a currency coveted by people around the world, has become known as the "yen in times of emergency" and is now being sold off at bargain prices almost every day. Now one of the emerging currencies of the Far East, it is experiencing wild fluctuations in value and is managing to hang on by selling off the foreign exchange it had accumulated during its glory days, but it is unclear for how long it will be able to hold on. The country and its people have mistakenly believed that monetary and fiscal policies would solve the problem, put off structural reform, neglected technological development, and simply put everything off. Forgetting the bloody efforts of wise men of the past and the history of the dramatic changes that came with modernization, the old men of companies and organizations that flourished during the Showa era, steeped in old vested interests, are wielding their power, crushing new technologies and ideas, only for the people in question to be dead by the time they get away with it.
 
These young people, like those in the bellies of boiled frogs, are carrying a time bomb, and they vaguely foresee a future in which they will no longer be able to buy beef, flour, soybeans, oil, gas, uranium, or anything else, when foreign currency runs out, leaving society in ruins. But they simply turn a blind eye to this reality, and today, they are sipping mandarin orange juice while a girl looking for a sugar daddy is asked by an older man what color her underwear is.

I will start with I am not the best teacher. Yes I have flaws. I forget something’s because rules constantly change. I really try to pull my weight but also have fun with the kids. I teach middle school. With a flip of a switch it goes from fun to serious. Kids know this. Passing time I will joke with the kids and make sure they aren’t doing anything bad. In the classroom it is business casual.
I found out the second to last week of school teachers have a problem with my personality. They say I am too loud. I am thinking “dude, do you not see the smiles on their faces when I call them by their name to say have a nice day? Do you not see them hurry out of the bathroom to get to your class when I stand in the doorway saying “move it or tardy in the office”.” For Pete’s sake calm down.
Students approached me this year to dress up like an elf because I am the shortest teacher. I said sure. So I did. And that upset some teachers.
Instead of approaching me like an adult and saying “hey, we appreciate your enthusiasm, but could you take 20% off the top?” I would be heck yeah brother! I got you. And I would button that behavior right up. Instead they went to the principal who had to pull me in on a Friday to tell me that some teachers have a problem with me. But couldn’t give me specifics. Like okay. What do you need to correct? I was given little detail. Now I am moving classrooms across the building to “sub due” my personality. I am being moved from my grade level hallway to another hall way that is not my grade level. And told this is not a personal attack. Meanwhile I am thinking “yeah okay, and the sky isn’t blue.” The principal did say that they did not have a problem with me. That my high energy in the hallway was good for the students and tardies go down when I announce they have 30 seconds left to get to class if they are in the bathroom.
It’s fine. I’ll move hallways. But I am not dressing up for assemblies again. I am not volunteering to help anyone. I am not coaching, hosting clubs, anything. It will be a drab year next year.
I was asked to decorate the hallways for the seasons this year. I did. Not again. I will have my blank walls because I don’t want to offend other teachers with my personality. I just wish they could have talked to me instead of making me feel like less of a human and a crappy person.
That is my rant.

My husband struggles with grand mal seizures at least monthly since I’ve met him. Even when he’s taking his meds on time, not dehydrated, avoiding driving and flashing lights, sleeps well, it still happens. I’ve started to notice when they’re about to come on and what they look like when they’re ending, but I still feel scared sometimes.
I’m 4 months pregnant and every night I worry about him because he normally has them in his sleep. Every time he moves I wake up from anxiety. I worry something will happen to him like I won’t catch it or be there, and he has a nasal rescue spray so I try to always be the one around and ready. I feel like I don’t relax much because I’m busy watching out for him, and every time it’s happened so far the paramedics have been involved because he has multiple lately. I hate to put him in debt or what if the one time I don’t call I end up doing wrong. I just want him to be ok.
I guess what I’m saying is if you’re a partner of someone with epilepsy how do you handle it? I always remain calm and remember I need to be strong so I can be there for him. But what about after? What about the worry of the next one? How do you support them without also stressing yourself? Will it ever be a casual thing I expect or will it always be a scary event?

Context:
I’m rewriting my WIP for the fifth (and hopefully last) time to make the story more character driven and make my characters motivations stronger. I’ve changed the first three chapters so many times I have no idea what’s good anymore. It’s a portal fantasy Reverse Harem with fated mates. You only meet two love interests in the intro (and one of them only shows up towards the very end of the set up), but I am just looking to see if my FMC's motivations make sense, or if I have made the Set Up too convoluted and given her too many goals.
**Please note the scenes I am posting have been written as an outline, and is not intended to read line by line like a finished manuscript. I will be writing it in First person POV when I finish plotting.**
Backstory (TLDR; Character A needs to gain access to the Other World so she can make a bargain to trade her Father's life for hers, we open on the 6th anniversary of him being taken, her 24th birthday. I ramble on for quite a bit so if you would like to get right into it please skip to Intro/Set Up)
Motivation:
Character A’s Father was stolen by otherworldly creatures 6 years ago and taken to their lands. Character A harbours guilt and blames herself because she disobeyed her Fathers rules and snuck into the woods with her friends on her 18th birthday to go swimming. Her Father came looking for her and that is when she witnessed him being taken.
In the area they live in, disappearances around the full moon were common, with many losing their loved ones over the last 50 years with no explanation. There were a lot of theories of aliens, bigfoot, cougars, werewolves, and only her Father claimed that magic wielding creatures were responsible.
Character A grew up being told stories about these lands, how the creatures enslaved humans to play in their games until they died for entertainment. Her Father told her magic was real but it was to be feared and to run from any sign of the unusual, forbade her from leaving her house after sunset or from ever going into the woods, and he always tried to keep her close to him.
He had a hard time holding down a job due to the grief he felt from losing Character A’s mother during childbirth and when he would drink he would make it known that he resented Character A for derailing his life, because now he was burdened with protecting her instead of living as a family. Her mother was buried there and her father refused to move away from her body. Character A internalized this, feeling guilty for being the reason he struggled so much, and spent her life caring for her father the way she would a child. Cooking, cleaning, paying bills, etc. She would even get revenge on his bosses for firing him. Her Father always claimed it was never his fault, that they were abusing their power and couldn’t handle somebody smarter than them, and losing his job would send him into an alcoholic depression.
Character A heard her Fathers words, and combined with the way out-of town business men had turned her small mountain town into their own personal resort, developed a deep hatred for anyone that held power. She would find little ways to get revenge on her Fathers bosses, and when she was older, spent her spare time getting revenge on the trust fund kids who didn’t care if their actions had consequences for the people living there.
She had a big dream of leaving her small town and exploring the world, but she felt responsible for her Father. She took care of him, and she was afraid of what would happen to him if she left, but she knew she was suffocating under him. Although her guilt and love for her father prevented her from seeing the full truth of what he was, narcissistic and abusive, deep down she knew and she became restless under his restriction.
When she was young she believed his stories but as she got older and never saw any evidence to back up his claims, the more she chaffed against his rules and started sneaking out. She wasn’t dumb, she always carried a knife and bear spray. She read up on what to do if you encountered a predator in the forest, and she begun stealing what little freedom she could for herself. She didn’t believe in magic, wolves and mountain lions were the only things that made sense to her.
Wound:
After her Father is taken Character A is broken. Everything her Father said was true, all he was trying to do was keep her safe, but she disobeyed him and now he was taken to a magical land to be tortured by never ending games. She is distraught and depressed. She begins sleeping in the woods, hoping to be taken too so her pain can end.
A few months later, at the end of summer, her best friend and boyfriend, the only people her father approved of her spending time with, tell her that they still plan to leave for the year long trip they were all going on. They want to start their lives, they think Character A has become delusional in the wake of her Fathers disappearance, they can’t be stuck there taking care of her, they can’t handle her emotions, they need a fresh start. She realizes they have been having an affair, she internalizes them telling her she is too much to handle and that she is unlovable. She was a burden on her father and then a burden on them. She doesn’t see them again for six years.
Present Day:
Character A has spent the last six years trying to get to the other world during the full moon. The weeks in between she spends physically training, researching anything she can, working just enough to cover her bills for the month, and distracting herself with casual flings or sleeping with the trust fund kids in order to gain access to something she wants to steal from them as payback for something they have done. She never lets herself get too close to anyone, knowing that she plans to disappear, but she partied with whoever is willing to distract herself until the next full moon.
Every passing year on her birthday she grows more and more desperate. She begins researching magic spells and rituals that might show her the entrance to the otherworld. She finds a newly discovered mushroom being sold that claims to help you see what is hidden from human eyes.
Character B:
A month ago Character B was sent from the other wolrld to retrieve Character A. She is the descendant of a lost royal line and they have received a vision from the goddess that she is her Heir, the key to defeating the darkness and restoring balance to the land. Character B does not live a good life in the other world, he is nothing but a glorified prisoner in his own life, and all he’s ever wanted was a family of his own, but because of the queen and his father, he cannot have that. He avoids confrontation, always choosing to run from his problems instead of fight. He first lays eyes on Character A as she is driving a motorcycle into a lake.
He is unsure if the vehicle is supposed to drive under water, so he waits a moment before trying to do a rescue. He doesn’t know it’s her until she swims up into the shore, and begins gathering weeds from the lakebed. he thinks she’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen and can’t imagine dragging her back to his world where she could be in danger. He wants to watch the curious human for a bit longer to see what she does
He silently follows her and watches her climb into a window and place the weeds around a man sleeping in a bed, then creep down the hallway to an office where she unlocks a safe and pulls out a stack of papers. She then meets up with somebody, hands over the papers with a hug, then walks into the forest.
She walks and walks and he realizes she heading towards the portal and gets nervous, until she reaches a tree with five different coloured ribbons tied around one branch. She takes a new yellow ribbon , adds it to the branch and continues walking until she reaches another tree with ribbons where she adds another ribbon, then walks to the very centre of both trees and sits down. She softly hums a tune to herself.
She seems relaxed, strong and confident, he thinks this must be some new human ritual he hadn’t heard of yet and her humming is soothing to him, but he notices a shiver. He feels a strong need. To wrap her up in a blanket and make her warm. He decides right then that he cannot take her back and ruin her peace, that he himself would not go back, that he would befriend her and they would hide together her in her world and they would be safe and happy. It was pointless trying to fight anyway, they were never going to win and it would be better for them both to be safe and far away from the evil queen.
The next morning he follows her to her favourite coffee shop, glamoured to look more human and remove his pointy ears, and introduces himself as a man trying to get away from his overbearing parents and family he doesn’t get along with.
Intro/Set Up
Chapter 1
-Character A is thinking about how she has to get laid tonight, because it will be her last chance before she disappears and probably dies. Character A is stealing some documents and a bunch of cash from a safe in The Guys home office, she pulls a bag out of her pocket and with it, a card for the bookstore she works at flutters under his desk. She puts the documents and money in the bag and bends down to pick it up when she notices the family photo on the desk and she stops.
It is a picture of The Guy, His Son that she stole and crashed his bike into a lake last month, and The Other Son that she may have killed nine months ago when she burned his cabin down. She is filled with rage when she looks at the photo and thinks she doesn’t regret what she’s done. Character B calling her phone snaps her out of it and when she hears someone come home, she leaves, but she forgets the card.
-She stops at the bookstore to give Coworker 1 the documents and money. Coworker 1 says she will never be able to thank her, that this was the last thing she needed she could get out of town. Character A tells her good luck and to give them hell. Coworker 1 is leaving town tomorrow, she connected with a journalist who can help her expose The Guy and once she does she won’t be able to come back. Coworker 1 is very grateful to her, and Character A makes sure to tell herself that they aren't friends, because friendship requires a level of vulnerability that Olivia could not give her, but she knew Coworker 1 was a good person and deserved so much more than what she got when The Other Son sexually assaulted her at work while His Son filmed it. How when she received a payout in exchange for her silence they knew it wasn’t the first time. They were determined to find further evidence, and they did. Signed NDA’s from all of the employees they had paid off in the past.
Character B joins them at the store. Character A is petting her beloved bookstore cat and goes to pull some treats out of her bag. Her hand brushes against a vial of red and white mushrooms and Character A hopes that they are the key she has been searching for. For six years she has felt like she has been brushing up against the edge of something, but has never been able to get herself to the other side. She was deep in a witchcraft discussion forum when somebody posted about a new discovery of mushrooms, one that allowed the ingestor to see through the Veil, to show them all the magic they cannot see. The poster was pretty insistent that it wasn’t just a trip, that they were able to see threads of magic. After years of failed meditating, drinking teas, burning herbs,and chanting spells around the ley line conversion and not finding anything, what did she have to lose with some magic mushrooms?
Character B calls her name, startling her from her thoughts and she knocks over a box of alien and bigfoot merch. Coworker 1 cracks a joke about being careful with the product or else the alien truthers will riot, Character A rolls her eyes at the people who flocked there in search of the wrong thing. Character B apologizes for startling her and says he was just admiring one of her new Boxwood Topiaries, three trees of varying height that ended with hearts on top, and she says she finished it yesterday.
She loves plants but, like a cat, she can’t commit to having them because she doesn’t plan to be around long, so she does topiary art as a compromise, and the extra money she earns goes towards buying her herbs and mushrooms. Her Father never managed to save much money and she wasn’t left with much after he was taken. She had to use her savings replacing the furnace in her home shortly after her Father was taken, and now she only worked enough to keep her living until the next paycheck. She spent the rest of her time training and researching. Preparing to go to Wonderland in search of her Father.
Character B is making friends with the cat, having charmed it onto its belly, and Coworker 1 gives Character A a knowing look. Character A shakes her head, says they are just hanging out, nothing serious. Coworker 1 says he could be good for her. She knew they had been hanging out, that Character A had let him stay at her house for the last two weeks. She wasn’t judging though, Character A seemed lighter around him, and he was so nice. She had seen him helping Mrs. Smith with her groceries the other day.
Character A thinks that was what initially warmed her up to him. Coworker 1 was right, she never brought guys home, but the first week that he was here he had never failed to notice when people needed help and always offered to lend a hand. Plus he was fun, and fun to look at, and he was always looking for a new adventure. He took her mind off of what a failure she was for not saving her Father yet, and he seemed relatively harmless. So when he said he had never seen her favorite comedy movie she just HAD to take him home to watch it. And he hadn’t left, she hadn’t asked him to. It was becoming a problem. Because she was going to disappear tonight, and a small part of her was beginning to feel sad she would never see him again. It was why she hadn’t slept with him yet, she knew she enjoyed his company just a little too much and wouldn’t risk any further attachment. Character A agreed that he was a good person but emphasized that it was just casual. Coworker 1 says alright, she will back off, and she will let them get to the party. She needs to finish packing and wants to leave as soon as possible. Character A says she understand, they hug and say goodbye.
Chapter 2
-Character A and Character B are walking to the Board Game party. They are dressed as Clue characters, she is Miss. Scarlet and Character B is Mr. Green. They had played every board game she owned, which was a lot of them, in order to decide what to dress up as for the Your Favorite Board Game Party. He turned out to be a good competitor and got way more into the games than she expected him to.
He hands her a cinnamon bun, her favorite, and tells her he had made a whole batch for her, claiming that he knew she hadn’t gotten one since they were hiking that morning, and all she had eaten that day was trail mix and beef jerky and he refuses to let her party on an empty stomach. She happily takes a huge bite, grateful for this one thing she loved before she left this world forever.
He says he’s been thinking and asks her to go traveling with him. She almost chokes on her food. His words rush out and he assures her he has money and can pay for everything and they can go anywhere she wants. Her heart sinks into her stomach. Before her Father went missing, an offer like that from a hot guy would have been her dream, but she couldn’t now, or ever. She looks at the half eaten cinnamon bun, thinks how he had made them because he had gotten coffee with her every morning for the last three weeks, and he saw how every Saturday and Sunday morning she would get a cinnamon bun the size of her face and eat it. She looks at the Green jacket he wore and remembers laughing in the thrift shop as he tried on a full leather catsuit while they searched for the perfect outfit for the party. He was too good. She begins to think that in another life, they could go. They could adopt an adventure cat and take it with them on their world travels, but that wasn’t possible for her. She wasn’t staying in this world, and even if she was, she was too messed up. Too broken. Too much of a burden. And she could never give all of herself to one person ever again, she did it twice, and was broken by both of them because she was too much.
She decides he’s gotten too close and she needs to push him away, so in the hopes that it will scare him, she explains that she can’t leave because her Father was stolen by a magical creature and taken to the Other World. She tells him the entire story her father told her, of creatures luring people to the Other World and keeping them for the Queen's entertainment, forced to be pawns in her games. They are ruthless and obsessed with games and everything reeks of roses. She tells him its her fault that he got taken and she can’t live with herself until she either gets him back or gets revenge for his death.
Character B begins pleading with her, telling her she shouldn't go. She is surprised he doesn’t balk or think she is crazy. He isn’t looking at her the way Ex-Bestfriend and Ex-Boyfriend did, like they feared she would infect them with her crazy, no, he looks at her with genuine terror in his eyes. She stops walking, they are just outside the party house. What do you know? She says. He inhales and steps forward, desperation etched into hs features, and says that he knows that everything she said was true, and that it is much worse than she even thinks. That if she goes, she will not make it back here. It’s too dangerous, and he just wants to keep her safe. She is flabbergasted, and checks over his features for signs. No pointed ears, no animalistic features such as scales or a tail, no strange eyes. How do you know all this? He doesn’t answer, his mouth works like he’s trying to come up with something and betrayal starts to roil in her gut.
Before he has the chance to lie, two men throw their arms around their shoulders. It is the couple that Character A hooks up with on occasion. They start walking them into the house and the one with Character A asks if she wants to come over later for a joint and to hook up. She tries to muster up a yes, it is what she wanted after all, but she can’t think straight after her conversation with Character B. She turns back to see he’s been steered into a conversation with a few other people and thinks she needs a drink to calm herself and give her some courage.
-She walks into the kitchen for a glass and bumps into her Ex-Boyfriend. She is thrown for a loop again. He says Happy Birthday and remarks that he didn’t think he would find her at a party today, since he knows how much she hates her birthday. Character A is surprised to see him and momentarily forgets about Character B, and asks what they’re doing back in town. He says its because Ex-Bestfriends mom is still missing. Character A says, oh, right. And feels stupid for thinking she wouldn’t run into them. She was devastated to hear Ex-BFFs Mom had been taken, she was like a second mother to her, but after Ex-BFF left she couldn’t stand to look at her Mom anymore and remember what she had lost.
He mentions something about the baby coming soon and Ex-BFF wanting to be as close to her mom as she can. Character A questions the baby and he tells her they are pregnant. Character A flashes back to both of them telling her they were leaving and couldn’t stay in contact with her anymore, that she had become too much for them to handle on the horizon of their new lives. She noted the way they looked at each other and how their knees pressed together, and that was when she knew they had been having an affair. She comes back to the present when he leans in close and says he actually wants to ask her some questions about her dad. She sees a familiar head with a mop of blonde hair moving through the crowd towards them. Seeing Ex-Boyfriend was bad enough, she cannot see Ex-Bestfriend. See her pregnant. And now he wants to hear what she has to say about the disappearances? You can go fuck yourself, she spits and walks away before he can say anything else, and thankfully, before Ex-Bestfriend reaches her. She thinks his betrayal hurt her, but her betrayal broke her.
-She is fleeing the kitchen, heading for the back door, desperate to get away from them, when she bumps into an attractive man in a red velvet sport coat with a red velvet top hat. They are both imprinted with roses. He apologizes for bumping into her and her heart skips a beat, thinking of the Queen's obsession with roses. She asks him who he's supposed to be and he smiles but pauses before saying his name is Character C, he’s friends with Character B, and her heart stops all together. A chill runs through her and Character B interrupts and asks him what he’s doing here. Character C hugs him and says its good to see him and says he thought he was dead. Character C turns to Character A and says that he took off for a month without saying anything, could she even believe it? And they had an important event that the three of them needed to attend tonight. Character B starts to argue with Character C when Character A hears her name called. The Guy she stole from is there, he holds up the card to the bookstore that fell under his desk and said he wants the contents of his safe back, and maybe the sheriff will go easy on her if she returns it, or maybe he won't since he will also be investigating his cabin burning down and one of his sons going missing. Character A plays dumb but he grabs her around the neck and says he knows it was her, she’s a pathetic bum just like her father. Character B punches him, forcing him to release her and they begin fighting. The other partygoers jump to Character A’s defense and start fighting the other guys that came with him. Character C picks up Character A after she was knocked over to keep her from being trampled, and Character B breaks away when The Guy starts fighting with someone else. So they turn and head for the door, but The Guy's Son, the same one from last month who she stole the bike from, blocked the back door.
-Character A turns and together they run into the basement, locking the door behind them. They run down the stairs and into a bedroom where she locks the door again. She whips out her knives and points one at Character C. “Why do you want me to go to the Other World?” He holds up his hands and smiles, “I need your help finding a weapon that will help me defeat the Queen .” “Why me?” “The Goddess showed me in a dream that it is you. I will pay you in gold and return you back here, unharmed, once you find it.” Character A hears them break through the basement door and descend the stairs. “Fine, I’ll help you do it.” Character B protests and steps forward but she gestures the knife at him and he stops. “But first, you will help me find my Father and send him back here. Alive. And healthy.” All she knows about the Other World is what she could glean from her Fathers stories and what she was able to research about lore, but she had no idea what was accurate and what was not. She would be a fool to think she should turn away help if she could bargain for it. “I will help you find you Father, but it won’t be until after tonight, we must attend the Queens party so you can search for the weapon, this is the best opportunity we will have for another year.” The Guy begins banging on the door. She took it back, she was being a fool, she had very little hope that she would be able to fulfill her end of the bargain, but she was out of time, and she may never have a chance to get to the Other World again. “Deal.” She says as she steps forward to shake his hand. Character C grasps it and an electrical charge runs up her arm. He pulls a small vial out of his pocket. He dumps some black sparkly powder on his tongue and a hole appears in the floor. Grabbing Character B’s hand as well they jump through it just as the door breaks open.
If you have read this far, seriously thank you so much and I love you and if you want feedback on anything please direct me to where I can provide it!
I wanted to note that the mention about her potentially killing The Other Son is relevant to the plot because he did not die in the fire, he was lured to the Other World and will be there as an antagonist when Character A shows up. Also, the mushrooms become relevant to her finding the weapon in book 2. She gets sidetracked this book by finding her father and bargaining to take his place in the game (the party they are attending is to watch this game take place) and having to fight her way out of them. The entire first book takes place over the course of one single night.

Hi all. So back in maybe 2010 I was on a field trip for school and we watched some movie. I don't think it was released in that year, but was being showed at the local imax and a lot of schools went together. It had the vibe of a late 90's early 00's movie.
All I remember from the movie was this one scene where there was a Nazi officer in military outfit, he was standing in front of a line of children on the moon or some asteroid. The children were wearing casual clothes. He was yelling at them because they had been misbehaving, and then to show them he meant business there was suddenly a red rose next to him that he stepped on. The camera then cut to a cameo of The Little Prince who then screamed at the rose being stepped on, before cutting back to the other children.
The movie as far as I can remember had nothing to do with The Little Prince besides this maybe 5s long reference, and I cannot for the life of me find it. Any thoughts?

I’ve been a big reader of this forum and never thought I’d be posting haha. I (26f) have been dating Leaf (32m) for around 5 months. L has been with May (33f) for two years. I met him through May and she highly encouraged both of us to date. It got pretty serious pretty fast and we ended up becoming official and sharing I love you’s within a month. They’ve been poly their whole relationship, but I was the first romantic interest to come into the dynamic. After about two months of us seeing each other, May realized this adjustment was taking a bigger toll on her mental health than anticipated and suggested she step out of the relationship to focus on herself and allow us to continue building ours. Leaf didn’t want this, and instead told May that he would break up with me to keep her.
Spoiler alert: he didn’t!!
Instead of coming clean, Lead told May he had broken up with me, and told me May wanted to practice parallel poly but pursued it in a DADT kind of way. This was my first poly relationship, as well as my first relationship, so I was still learning what was normal for this kind of dynamic, what were trauma responses that were being triggered, etc. etc. So I really let a lot more slide than I should have.
So Leaf continued to lie to both me and May. He has a packed schedule with various hobbies, work, etc. so it was difficult for us to see each other. I was lucky if I saw him for more than two waking hours in a week. He lied to us about his availability, saying he was working when he was actually with either me or May.
I’ve recently gone on a vacation to visit my parents out of state and invited Leaf. For weeks he told me he was trying to find coverage, only to tell me days before I left that he couldn’t. I asked him how May felt about this and he said she was okay with it because she was in the middle of finals. Clearly this conversation never happened, because May thought we had broken up MONTHS prior.
During my trip, May found a pair of my earrings and finally realized we were still together. Leaf lied until the last possible moment, trying to convince her that it was his step mom’s. She gave him the ultimatum to either break up with me or they were done.
So he did. The day I got home from my trip. Before that he continued acting totally normal, so I was completely blindsided. In this conversation he said his life was too busy and he wouldn’t be able to make time for me, and that he had broken up with May days prior. She wasn’t taking it well, according to him.
Last night he told me about all the lies. I continued discussing everything with May into this morning, which is how I know all of this information. Leaf had been telling her that our relationship was casual and nothing serious, whereas he was telling me he wanted forever and was already planning our six month anniversary. He’s told me he didn’t want to end it and that he doesn’t want to lose me entirely.
They’re still together. I don’t know how to process this. I told him I was insecure about the length of their relationship vs how new ours was. When they were struggling, I asked what he would do if May told him to break up with me and he said he wouldn’t. I’m just upset I didn’t get a proper conversation or a choice.
Is it bad that I still want him? Is it bad that im jealous of May for having the opportunity to rectify things? How does one process all of this and heal?
Sorry for the long rant, I’ve never been in a position like this before and I have no clue how to feel or what to do. I love him so much.
Edit: I in no way blame May for any of this. I feel so terrible that she was hurt in any way and I honestly can’t say I would’ve reacted much different if I were in her shoes.

This may not be super relevant here, but as a gay trans man I'm busy looking for places where there are gay or bi men, ideally uni age (am attending a UAS there) who want long term relationships. Stuff like TTRPG meetups, casual meetups where I can find a man who is trans friendly and wants a long term thing. I'm not sure if I want to ask this in any main subs bc this is a pretty trans specific question.

Hey everyone!:D this is my first post here;
I'm looking for a person I can casually chat with- I'm not suuper sociable, and I can't guarantee I'll be messaging 24/7, but this is my way to keep myself busy while not stressing too much about meeting people irl! I don't like starting a conversation with a set goal in mind, so honestly whatever happens, happens:)
English is not my first language, so I'm sorry if sometimes my sentences don't make any sense lol
About myself: I'm a bit of a homebody, so I enjoy pretty much any hobby that that involves me staying home lol- drawing (both my hobby and what I'm studying in uni), consuming horror media in general, gaming esp. indie games, watching hours of silly video essays, baking... I also am a sucker for second hand clothes/ thrifting and fashion in general so If you're into that too, feel free to share some pics of your thrift finds/outfits!
Personality wise, I'm an introvert by nature- l am basically the definition of a "black cat" that needs their "golden retriever" person or else she'll be stuck in her room all day without talking to a single human lol; that was a bit dramatic but yeah, I tend to gravitate towards extroverted people who are patient and gentle:)
With that said, feel free to message me If you're around my age or older, but please be nice and respectful m'kay?

I am a flamboyant woman. Something that is a joy to me is the time I take each day to be creative in my makeup looks. I would describe my makeup look as aging hipstesemi goth/artsy stripper.
I didn't have to wear business casual for a length of time and really leaned into my individual look, it felt great. Now that I'm back to business casual I'm unsure if I'm toning it down properly.
I know you can't give specific advice because I'm not posting my street look vs my work look (considering doing this tho). I guess my question is: have any of you been self aware that youre extra? Is it a struggle to fit in at work? Do you flip back and forth between work hours and free time?

(Cross-post with minneapolis) - what are peoples true thoughts on living in uptown vs north loop/ warehouse?
TLDR: My main concerns: public transport to airport, and sports games vs lakeside lifestyle. Uptown quality since Covid. Socializing
Wider context: I took a job here without ever setting foot in the state, and asked opinions on where to live (32m, foreigner from NZ, don’t know a soul here, social, sporty, active, likes food and bar scene). Overwhelming response for North Loop/ Warehouse, decent support for Uptown - but a lot of comments directly saying to avoid Uptown. The basis being it’s gone downhill since COVID.
I only had 2 days in town to visit so checked out both, and really like the look and feel of uptown - lots of casual bars/ eateries, seemed busy. But I’m hesitant to pick that (I’m out of town again but will be moving in July) based on people’s comments earlier, as well as the limitations of getting to the airport and sports games from uptown. Public transport seems not to exist lol
Love some honest comments and examples not just that uptown is bad Thanks!

I discovered Shera's videos quite a few years ago, and loved her humour as well as her message to level up. I started noting down all her little gems. They give me motivation, and a giggle too. I am older, in my fifties, and have been happily married for over 15 years, so I don't need her dating, sugaring, or 'get the bag' advice, but I do love her level up advice. I saw another lady share her notes, so I wanted to as well. There are tons, I've realised! I hope you enjoy them!
~~

How do you become the prize?

If you don’t start as the prize, then you aren’t the prize. If you don’t know if your mind that you are already the prize then you can never be the prize.

~~

How to be more feminine so I can be spoiled more?

It’s a lifestyle. You have to act, fake it until you make it, and create a lifestyle. The days that you don’t feel very feminine are the days that you have to use more of your masculine energy.

Remember to always have a space to come back to that is feminine, and recharge yourself with feminine energy. Create a more feminine environment, wear more feminine clothes, listen to music that is going to help your femininity instead of diminishing it.

Keep things that you like to do feminine and do feminine things. Going shopping, getting your nails or hair done, buying shoes, picking out décor for our rooms, decorating tables, going on picnics, watching girly movies.

Recharge yourself by doing some of those things. You need to be able to recharge your femininity at least once or twice a week.

~~

Live the type of life you want already. It may not be on the scale that you want to live it at, but it needs to be a version of it. For example, if you want to live a soft, feminine life make sure your current life reflects that: your current environment, the current way you dress, the current way you walk, talk and act.

The more you receive, the better treatment you receive, if you can get a provider who can let you live a more feminine life, a softer life, then it's just going to get better and better.

But already live the life you want to live, that way they can only improve you and they see how you treat yourself and see what you like and that’s what they are going to be giving you. Your goals will be met just by dating.

~~

What are some ways to keep him interested in he provides well?

Look good
Make sure you know what his interest are
Talk to him
Make sure he feels like he is the man
Look good when you are out with him
Make sure you are pretty and heads turn ‘ooh who’s he with’
His self-esteem will skyrocket when you go out with him if you look good and he’s not going to want to leave that


~~

Men like women to switch it up as long as it’s classy.

~~

Flower attract bees to them by their bright colours and they smell good. Attract men to you:

· Wear bright pretty colours
· Smell good
· Look fresh, dewy and youthful
· Look attractive

Look like the prize. Look like his fantasy. Look through his eyes: what would he like to see?

It’s not that complicated. Bring it back down to simplicity? What do men like?

Heels
Skirts
Dresses
Makeup
Long hair
Red lipstick
Baby voice
Feminine colours
Make them feel good
Give them compliments
Let them talk
Don’t talk about your boring stuff – they don’t care

Use the formula to get success with men.

~~

If you want to dress casual in jeans and a cute top, still wear heels, hair, full makeup. If you’re going to wear jeans, you’re going to need to wear heels.

Also think about this: what sort of man are you attracting. If you wear jeans when you meet you’re going to get taken to a jeans date. Dress for the life you want.

~~

Comment:
When we had a fight I cut my hair short & bangs & went shopping. He was so glad he said “you look like a different person!” The fight was forgotten & he treated me new again & took me shopping again.

~~

"Life is fun! (...) life is a movie, life is a stage. Get into character... "

~~

Men don’t care about anything else but what you look like and how you make them feel.

~~

If you’ve let yourself go, level yourself up to the point that their jaw will drop when they see you.

~~

The only limitations are the ones you believe in.

~~

What do rich men’s wives all have in common besides being pretty?

They’re feminine
They’re classy
They’re not loud and obnoxious
They don’t outshine their husband
They hold back and keep it together in public
They are well proportioned

Shera had a friend who was a little rachet, and she ended up marrying wealthy. She had to totally change everything about herself:

The way she dressed
The way she wore her hair
The way she spoke
The kind of shoes she wore
Her makeup
She had to change it all
How she acted around people
How she spoke to men
She had to change everything
It’s not that she changed who she was inside or her personality
It’s that she changed who she was around men
There’s a difference

~~

Your stock should go up after you get married, not down. If your stock is not rising after marriage you’re doing it backwards. That means still investing into yourself, your beauty, your clothing, into your stash (money, wealth and investments). If you got married and your stock plummeted, that’s your fault.

~~

Loving yourself means putting yourself first as a priority. Knowing your worth and value and not taking any crap from anybody because you value yourself, you love yourself. That’s all loving yourself means. And not talking down about yourself. And knowing that you deserve what you want in life.

Once you do that other people will as well – men, co- workers, your boss, parents, spouse, brother, sister, cousin, whoever. Whoever is in your life at the moment will recognise that you love yourself and that you don’t have to submit to them or that you’re not desperate for their approval. In fact they may start to be desperate for your approval. So make sure you’re putting yourself first.

Don’t be always talking about the other person and what they want or what they think. Don’t care who they are. Don’t care about other people or their spouse or the person they’re interested in. It’s not about them, it’s about you. If they can’t recognise you and they don’t like you, then you are wasting time.

If you have to sit there and be puzzled about why someone is not responding properly or why they’re not doing this or that, it means they don’t like you so just move on and stop trying to waste time worrying about it. You already know that in the back of your mind; you’re just hoping for a different outcome that there won’t be.

Make sure that when you realise you are putting other people before yourself as a priority then you’re not going to get the type of man or people attracted to you that you need. When you can get somebody in the click of a finger and they’re not used to that it means you are valuable and that they are not necessary. They are very unnecessary and therefore they feel like you have even more value because you don’t need them. You don’t need them, they need you. That’s why they seek you out. That’s why they call you, that’s why they ask you out.

Make sure you’re not getting caught up in silliness. If they’re not putting you first, you’re gone. Or you put them on ice; that means you let them figure it out and when they start acting right again then you allow them back into your life. If you’re chasing behind someone, if you’re worrying about someone who ghosts you then you’re not putting yourself first.

And that means you don’t love yourself. A lot of people were taught to act a certain way – not cocky etc – if you don’t, all people see you as is a doormat. You can let down your guards later when they are fully invested in you and aren’t going anywhere, but until that happens they are there to impress you.

~~

How do you fall in love with yourself when you aren’t happy with yourself?

Become happy with yourself:

· Do things that make you happy
· Look the way you need to look
· Continue to do this every day until you are happy

Only you can make you happy

~~

Don’t go out there lookin’ like Plain Jane. Plain Jane gets passed by with the eye.

~~

The key is confidence. You can learn all you want, if you don’t have confidence you can’t pull it off. The key is confidence, knowing your value, and not listening to no dusties. That’s the key, that’s the masterclass right there – be confident.

Be main character energy. Stop caring what people think. Have a goal of what you want and go for it and don’t stop until you get it. Speak positive about yourself and stop dealing with dusties. That’s just it. You do all those things and you’re going to have something. You’re going to get what you’re looking for. That’s it.

~~

It’s not what you look like – it’s how you make them feel.

Are you going to make them feel young again?
Are you going to make life exciting for them?
Do they enjoy being with you?
Do they like being seen out in public with you?

~~

Shera, on when you talk about all your feelings and prior history:

“You’re being an informant on yourself. You’re telling on yourself. You’re giving out all your secrets and revealing everything. So that’s definitely not feminine energy, because feminine energy is naturally dark. You know, it’s water, it’s the cosmos, it’s that. So when you’re revealing everything, when nothing is unknown and everything is known, now you’re masculine. Because that’s light- everything is known. So the more you say, the more you tell, the more you open up, the more masculine you become in that energy, and the less mystery and femininity and feminine allure you have, because now you’re an open book. And they have all the clues to how the story ends and how to manipulate the character.”

~~

“Feminine energy is naturally dark, is water, is the cosmos, is that. So, when you are revealing everything, nothing is unknown and everything is known, now you’re more masculine, because that is light, everything is known.

So the more you say, the more you tell, the more you open up, the more masculine you become in that energy, and the less mystery and femininity and feminine allure you have because now you are an open book, you’re predictable.

And they have all the clues to how the story ends and how to manipulate the character.”

~~

Get them to worry about you, while you worry about you.

~~

How do you find your purpose? You create it.

~~

Leveling up is actually a lot of fun when you are present and mindful about it it’s probably be the best gift you could ever give yourself as a woman.

~~

Stop caring what other people think and live the life you want to live. If you don’t like kissing people’s butts, don’t kiss their butt.

~~

A lot of women don’t realise that if you just get into your feminine, and you stick with your standards, you can get what you ask for.

~~

How to become detached and unbothered?

Stop caring. When you care too much, that’s when you can’t detach and be unbothered. Stop caring, become ‘take it or leave it’. That’s your attitude. You will be fine with it or without it.

~~

Comment:

Three years ago I was getting yelled at a public train station (which we had to take because neither of us had a car) by my dusty disgusting ex. I lived in a cheap apartment with four unsavory roomates and their boyfriends. Now I live in a luxury high rise with a conceirge and valet. All I did today was get a facial, sit by the pool and shop. I don’t have to worry about a SINGLE THING and every man in my life treats me like a queen. I’m truly breaking generational curses; my dad left my mom with four kids alone while she worked at Denny’s waitressing overnight. If it weren’t for Shera’s wisdom I don’t know where I would be today but I just give thanks every day that I saw the light. This is my one and only life so why shouldn’t I be living peacefully and bougie.

It’s crazy how fast life can chance when you realize your worth and act on it. Keep on inching further and further; the more luxurious things you do the more the rest of your life catches up. It literally started with me going to the expensive nail salon instead of the cheap one. Then I felt like I deserved more. I moved into a nicer apartment that was out of my budget at first, then a nicer car, then I started buying designer bags and now I live in an ultra-luxurious place. Small steps and the rest of your life will catch up in time. Of course look your best every day and be healthy. And do not give a second of your time to anyone who does not treat you with respect, remember if they’re not adding to your life they are taking away.

The universe somehow just opened up and rains abundance on me. The more you surround yourself with the vibrations of prosperity the more it will be drawn to you. Ella Ringrose on YouTube helped me a lot to draw in money.

~~

Comment:

Shera ever since I started watching you I have levelled up my life completely. I lost 50 pounds and changed my whole look to be more feminine. My husband was so motivated he started making more money and bought me a home and my dream car. He does everything I want now and he feels proud to bring me home his paycheck. I no longer work and just workout every day and focus on my children. A lot of my family members don’t understand this life but I am very happy and comfortable.

~~

If you give yourself away too easily, your value is low.

~~

10 Important Habits of a Gold Digger

1)high standards
2)high self-esteem
3)perspective
4)purpose
5)options
6)be unapologetic
7)looks
8)business plan
9) knowledge/value of money
10)stay unbothered

~~

‘Busy patterns that aren’t classy make you look older’. You can show how classy your clothing is by the cut, colour and pattern, not the brand or designer.

Look to magazines for style inspiration:

O magazine = for older women
Instyle = more youthful

~~

Comment:
Men need respect, they don’t want your love.

~~

Wealthy men like women who are thin, feminine, and classy, or classy/sexy.

~~

Classic = classy. Dress in a way that you wouldn’t look crazy in a photo in 20 years time.

~~

‘We’re not trying to fit in, we’re trying to stand out.’

~~

Comment:
Looking beautiful, adore your blouse and that classy backdrop. I have earrings very similar. I have to go out now, I’m over 60 and always look stylish heading out the door . Make up and a cute dress today. You never know who is at the coffee shop 😊

~~

Be cute, be feminine, don’t talk so much. Let him do the hard work.

~~

‘You’re not his momma stop acting like it’ video
Women will turn into their man's mother without realizing it! Then he will run.

A lot of times when a woman has been in a relationship for a long time or is married, they start acting like a mother to the man without even realising it. To avoid that, do these things:
· Totally change everything – change how you dress, put more makeup on, wear heels.
· Act ten years younger.
· Don’t be concerned about the things you used to be concerned about.
· Let everything be free and fly.
· If you once worried about dishes in the sink don’t worry about it anymore.
· Change it up.
· If he realises that you stop caring and you just put all that extra energy that you were nagging and trying to organise and keep stuff right or that you were frustrated about – if you took all that extra energy and put it back into yourself – and you stopped worrying about the house and the domestic issues and him doing this, this and that. He’s going to think, ‘Well dang, everything is out of order, now she’s dressing like this and putting on makeup and looking this way, and the dishes aren’t clean anymore, or she’s not nagging me about picking up my clothes and the room is a mess’, then either he’ll get up and do it or he’ll start turning into your father.
· You mirror what they do and they’re gonna start seeing what you are doing by you have to act that way with them.
· You stop cleaning dishes, you start leaving your stuff on the floor.
· You start dressing cute, and say you’re going out.
· You forget to do stuff, or you stop helping out because you don’t want to damage your nails or the Real Housewives is on.
· Start doing the same thing to him – he watches sport, you say, ‘Oh Housewives is on, I wanna watch it. I don’t wanna watch it later.’
· You don’t do any of this like it’s revenge, just like you joined him in not being responsible, or joined him with more relaxed rules.
· He might like it. He might be like ‘you’re so laid back, you look happy today’.
· Then he might start cleaning up more because it’s not an order.
· But as long as you’re happy and not nagging him, he’s going to do it voluntarily.

~~

How you act and how you make him feel will give you more power to get what you want.

· Look good
· Be more feminine
· Speak softly
· Smile
· Laugh at whatever he is saying and make him feel good about who he is
· Let him talk more than you
· Feed his ego
· Act vulnerable and he will want to do things for you, will want to please and impress you

(I added:
· Ladylike, dainty, girlish, delicate, compassionate, considerate, sympathetic, tolerant, warm-hearted, gracious
· Calm, refined and tasteful
· Agreeable, friendly, good-natured,
· Kind, moral, pleasant, delightful)

That’s how you get what you want.

Our power is in our femininity, not in our masculinity, not in being in competition with a man, but making them weak because we are giving them exactly what no-one else does and so they’re not used to it and they yield to it and want more of it and they’re going to do what you want.

Being feminine is the key to getting what you want. There is no magic formula; it’s just ‘being feminine’. Work on that and you will get what you want. Work on your baby voice. Work on asking men for things and help, feeling vulnerable around them and stroking their ego and you can pretty much get what you want, especially if you choose the right target. Don’t go up and choose someone who has a thousand options, go up and choose someone who feels lucky to be with you and who will act accordingly.

~~

Men don’t like jealous women. You look insecure if you show jealousy. If you feel jealous, act like you don’t care – laugh it off.

~~

Men don’t like to be told what to do or have someone running their life. They don’t need you to offer them suggestions – this will just make them feel like a child, emasculated and they will rebel.

~~

Have a hobby and have a life.
Have your own life.
Make yourself number one.

Make sure he likes you more than you like him. If he really likes you he is going to chase you and not let you go, and you don’t even have to do anything to make this happen.

~~

I am not a people pleaser. I live for myself not others. And that’s how you have to be to be unbothered. Be unbothered always and you will live your best life.

~~

I live in a fantasy world every day. That’s why I can create the world that I want.

~~

A dream woman is motivation for a man in every way. If you no longer motivate him, you are no longer his dream woman.

~~

A good actress will melt into her role.

~~

Instead of waiting and having regret later, make the decision now to do what’s best for you, not what’s best for the outside world and what they think. Do what’s best for you in the long run, not what’s best for you right now in this one moment which will pass. Think ahead. Right now is gone. As soon as you think about it, it’s gone.

~~

To be a dream woman and to be worshipped by the man you are with, you have to stay focused on you. Don’t be about him. A man’s dream woman does not mean she is all over him. She has a life. Keep a healthy distance instead of being extra clingy. That way you stay on his level. Make sure you appeal to his friends (in a classy way) too. He will see that others appreciate you and know that he has the prize.

~~

“Put outfits together in your mind when negative people are talking.”

~~

How to be unbothered?

Comments:

‘Fake it till you make it. That’s what happened with me I started to pretend that it didn’t bother me. Now I’m literally so unbothered and focused on myself.’

‘When you are showing that you’re upset or bothered, you are giving them power to know they affected you. I love everyone but I do not argue. I have trained myself not to get emotional even at my husband or family. Being this way also makes you more respected, it’s part of your charisma.’

‘Being unbothered is a choice.’

~~

Comment:

If you're over 35 the best ways to look young is to drink a gallon of water a day....it's good for wrinkles..and helps your makeup glide on like butter.

Eat less and eat as much green as you can (Kale, Broccoli, Spinach) so you can be as slim as possible so that you feel good in your clothes....

Work out to increase your confidence...

Dress your age....nothing worse than a woman who dresses out of her age range...makes you look like you're trying too hard...

~~

Build confidence by not accepting that you have low self-esteem. Every day improve yourself so your self-esteem gets higher and higher. Don’t wallow in it, don’t accept it. Every day tell yourself what you want:

I look good
I feel good
I’m great

Tell yourself that. Give other people compliments, and they will give you compliments. Before you know it, you’ll have high self-esteem. You have to work on it, it doesn’t come automatically. It took a long time to tear down your self-esteem, and it takes a moment to pull it back up.

Just work on it, keep moving forward. Don’t let anyone put you down again.

~~

How to keep your husband interested

· Less communication
· Less giving of information
· Spend more time apart
· Don’t get so close that he is going to want to back up
· You have to get close then back up, get close then back up again
· Look your best at all times
· Don’t smother people and they won’t try to escape you
· Have a life
· Have things to do
· Have a to-do list that does not require that person

Go out and do things. He will appreciate you more when you get back. He will wonder what you’ve been doing. He will anticipate your return.

Don’t let him conquer you. When men have conquered a woman, they will move on. If he doesn’t feel like he can ever conquer you, he will try harder. Never let him feel like he totally has you.

~~

Masculine people (men or women) tend to run to the rescue of others.

~~

Shera, on uplevelling your looks and being your best every time you step out the front door: Don’t let life pass you by. Life is short. Life is very short.

Comment on Shera’s video: My mom went through a season where she dressed up and it just made our whole family and home come alive. I remember when my mom walked into the living room all fixed up and my little cousin's eyes just lit up. He said be careful don't touch her lol. He literally went from seeing her as a plain ol’ aunt to a princess. He was so young, but he couldn't fake it; that was his instincts.

~~
· It’s not about looking young, it’s about looking good.
· If you miss an opportunity to be levelling up, you are only cheating yourself.
· Stay ready.
· Every day do something to improve yourself - hair, exercise, mindset, self-esteem
· Enjoy getting ready – be creative
· If you’re wearing makeup, go bold. Men want to see the makeup.
· Men like it when you look your best. When you’re out in public, people are judging a man’s status by the type of wife he has, how she looks. You add status to any man that you are with.
· If you are attractive, you will have a lot of friends inviting you out. They will use you to attract attention because you look good. They are going to gravitate towards you and associate you with success. Your appearance will get you further than almost anything else.

~~

When you’re trying to lure a man in, dress for that man. Men do pay attention to what you look like.

Broke men pay attention to your silhouette. They look at your body because they just want to have sex with you.

Men with money pay attention to what you wear: your clothes, your shoes, your jewellery, your shoes, your hair, everything. Are you appropriate? If he wants to take it to the next level and take you out and get to know you, start a relationship, introduce you to his friends, he isn’t just looking at your body.

~~

The better you look, the more successful he looks.

~~

Men are visual creatures. Everything men do is based on that they see. How they treat you is based on what they see.

If you go without makeup, hair not done, and dressed badly, you won’t get the same treatment even by the people who see you every day. When you look good, the people around you have a little bit more respect for you. They see you looking pulled together and to see you any other way is foreign to them.

When you are levelled up, keep this in mind, don’t backslide. When a man meets you looking good, he wants to see you like that for your entire marriage. He doesn’t want you to let yourself go.

Try hard to keep yourself up during your marriage; how you looked when you met him is how he wants to see you forever more.

Men are very visual creatures, so when they see us looking bad, it upsets them. It literally makes them clench inside a little bit because they are so affected by the visual.

You are like a Christmas tree or a beautiful ornament. It’s a pleasure to look at you and they’ll want to be around you just for that.

People may treat you badly because you didn’t keep up your looks - a man could be speaking to another woman or ignoring you.

~~

“Just act and dress like a feminine lady. You’re making them feel younger by being in their presence. Watch 1950s Hollywood movie stars to watch how those ladies acted.”

Never help a man level up as they will always put you in a maternal role and look at you as a mother figure.

How to change your mindset:
1. Tell yourself that you are no longer allowing people to make you feel bad about something – that’s your choice.
2. Decide that you want to be better, and each day take action towards being better. Your self-esteem will rise from this.
3. Surround yourself with like-minded people so you can influence and help each other.

~~

People who talk less are generally more well respected.

~~

“Look for the positive in every negative comment or situation, and you will find it every time.

Whatever your weakness is, make it your strength, to fuel you to the next level. That’s how you really level up from inside. Face your weakness head on. If someone calls you fat, flaunt it. Say, ‘So what? Yes, I eat, I haven’t seen a rib in many decades, but I’m happy. I got a lovely husband, nice house, nice car.’

Instead of being a victim about it, empower yourself with it. Your flaw can be your power. It can be your power if you take it and embrace it and stop focusing on it as an insecurity. The more you focus on something as an insecurity, the more other people will focus on it because they know it’s your weakness and that’s how you get affected. Whatever your flaw is, turn it into something that can give you more than it can take from you. If people say it’s a flaw, take it and turn it into a power.”

~~

Don’t listen to what people say; what do you think? Opposition creates interest.

~~

· Be extra feminine in the way you dress, speak, act.
· Be charming - smile, don't argue (and then do exactly what you were going to do anyway).
· Ask for help from your man - opening a jar, lifting something, reaching up high, anything - they love it. Do this three times a day. Say things like 'It's too heavy for me'. Doing this makes them feel protective of you.
· When you are offered help, accept it.
· Talk to men in a feminine baby-voice.
· Practice being feminine and flirty every day to men everywhere so that it becomes second nature. Things such as asking a man for assistance at the supermarket and smiling and saying thank you in a feminine voice.
· Use your feminine charm on everyone around you.
· Look your best, put on makeup every day, smell good, be well groomed, have nice nails.
· Speak to him as if he's a person and not a child - don't try to control him. Mothers control their children and men don't want to have sex with their mother.
· Ask for what you want, but do it in a feminine way.
· Act like the prize to be the prize.
· Be unpredictable - men will get bored of you if you are too predictable. If you are unpredictable it is exciting to them plus scares them a little too. They will wonder why you are different.
· Don't talk so much.
· Mirror how he acts to bring him closer. Say your man is a bit distant; my natural inclination is to wonder what is wrong, try and talk to him etc. That is clingy, a better way to behave is mirror that - be busy doing your own things, happy but busy and let him come looking for you when he comes out of his cave.
· Be feminine in everything you do - surround yourself with reminders of your femininity - i.e. a pink phone cover.
· Be the receiver not the giver.
· Let him think up ideas, with your subtle input.
· Hardly ever text or call him at work, unless you need him to pick up something.
· Dress up every day for no reason.
· Smile.
· Always be levelling up.
· Have a plan B.
· Don't tell him your plans for the day or where you have been - be a little mysterious and let him wonder what you've been up to.
· Keep the mystery alive with privacy - closet, bathroom etc.
· Don't do everything together.
· Have hobbies and interests of your own.
· Make him feel like a man by asking his advice, seeking help from him, not trying to tell him what to do etc.
· Keep up with new trends and the latest styles. Try new looks, buy new clothes, look cute.
· Make him feel younger by being fresh, new and exciting.
· Be excited by life and easily impressed.
· Go on vacation, go out to places.
· Do new things and turn him on to new things. Do new things in bed.
· Change your looks - look different, be different.
· Listen to the latest music.
· Keep up with the latest trends in things.
· Be an exciting adventure.
· Be happy go lucky, not a care in the world, everything is fun.
· Head up, chin up, look around, smile.
· Get all excited when you talk about little things.
· Light up when you talk to people.
· Bring a high energy.
· Wear your hair long and straight or smooth-wavy.
· Be seasonal - with your look/outfit, eating, décor.
· Reinvent yourself regularly.
· Play different characters for fun.
· Channel someone else when you go out.
· Be constantly changing and improving.
· Be a lively woman - bubbly, happy, exciting, smiling, lifts their spirits, fun to be around.
· Grab his hand and pull him along like a child.
· Be energetic and breathe life into others.
· Mirror his body language about 10-30 seconds later.
· Try new things, new looks.
· Practice your charm on waiters etc.
· Be a people watcher in different environments depending on the lifestyle you desire.
· Look from the outside in - how do people view you? How attractive are you?
· Transform yourself.
· Be his ultimate fantasy girl.
· Look good, do your makeup every day.
· Speak to your him as if he is a person and not a child.
· ‘Can you help me/lift that/get me a blanket?’ in a baby voice. Get him used to looking after you. ‘This is too heavy for me, I can’t reach it’. Do this three times a day minimum.
· Ask for what you want in a feminine way.
· Use the baby voice.
· Be extra feminine.
· Be charming – smile, don’t argue – agree (but do exactly what you want anyway).
· Ask for help from men.
· When you are offered anything, accept it.
· Talk to men in a feminine nature.
· Practice being feminine and flirty every do so that it becomes second nature to you – it will become easier with practice.
· Ask questions and smile.
· Play a bit dumb (not stupid; request their knowledge).
· Use your feminine charm on everyone around you – practice on any man to get better.
· Never get too comfortable (don’t let yourself go).
· Keep the illusion going – makeup, hair, lotion, fragrance.
· Look like you did when you first met (me: 66-67kg, long blonde hair, stylish clothes).
· Men are visual creatures and your hair is foremost – long, silky and straight.
· Have your makeup on, look cute.
· Shera’s husband treated her differently when she gained weight and then lost weight.
· Shera’s advice to a lady who gained 40 pounds and now her husband isn’t attracted to her: ‘Lose 40 pounds’.
· Still look sexy even if you’ve been together a while.
· Exfoliate your face and body.
· Have glowing, moisturised skin.
· Use highlighter on your face.
· Wear perfume, body lotion, nicely scented products.
· Wear red lipstick, eye makeup.
· Wear light, modern perfumes.
· Have simple, nice nails.
· Tell him that whatever you want is your ‘ultimate fantasy’.

~~

If you want to be married to a rich man, dress like a rich man’s wife.

~~

Be unbothered

It’s so amazing to just not care. You have no idea how much better your life gets when you stop caring. When you stop caring about stuff that’s not beneficial to you, everything blossoms, everything. Because your attention is no longer on anything negative, it’s all on you, and so you blossom.

How to keep your man chasing you? Be busy, don’t call him all the time. Have a hobby or a business and let him have to go looking for you.

~~

Did you ever feel insecure about your weight?

“No.

At any weight my mental game was tight, it was good. I could get anything I wanted, so it never really held me back. The only thing that would ever make me feel insecure about anything is… I really don’t have a lot of insecurities anymore. I had the normal insecurities of a child. But when I grew up and I understood that you could take your power from any situation, you no longer have insecurities.

If I was insecure about my weight, I wouldn’t be up here on YouTube, and if someone says something about how I look, I don’t care. I say Okay yeah and so what? I’m eating good, I’m living good. It doesn’t bother me, because that’s not what defines me. I’m gonna get paid skinny or fat. I’m gonna be happy at whatever makes me feel happiest. So it’s all about how you feel about yourself and how you value yourself. You don’t base your self-worth on what other people think about you.

And the reason why I teach people you gotta look good if you want to turn heads and make men cross the room is because if you are trying to get a date, yes, you have to be concerned with what other people find attractive. But that should not ever play a role in your own personal self-esteem.

Whatever you need to feel good at the time, tomorrow or today, that’s what you need to be doing.”

~~

We decided to rent Santander bikes in Shoreditch Park. While we were busy at the terminal, a teenager was constantly walking behind us and trying to look as casual as possible. Just in case, I stared at him so that he wouldn’t try to come closer, although I didn’t really understand what he wanted. As soon as we paid for the bikes and received a piece of paper with the code, he rushed to the bikes and began trying to enter different combinations. Since we had one code for two bikes, I was afraid that he would be able to take the bike before us by spying on one of us or listening to the sounds of the keys (I don’t know if they are different for each number?).
We have not been living in London for very long and it is very unusual to think that, apparently, he tried to steal a bicycle, for which TFL would then withdraw money from our card. 😳 I wonder if this is a common occurrence in London? What is the best thing to do in such a situation?

So far this year has been insane with everything that’s happened in my professional, and personal life. I am 21 years old (F) and had been working at one of the big luxury retail brands for 2 years. At the particular location that I worked at, there were a total of 4 managers, one was the store manager, and three team managers, with one of them being someone I was pretty close with. This team manager, we’ll call her 🦁, is 39 years old (F) who is married with two children. When I first met her, I found her very attractive. Of course it was just a casual crush so I ignored it and continued with my work. After about 6 months of working there, 🦁 and I started to talk a lot more and become pretty close. Often she will talk to me about her personal life, telling me how she doesn’t love her husband and that they don’t “sleep” together to which she jokes about being like a nun. During this whole time, I took it as her being my friend and just telling me about her marriage problems. But then it started to become different. In October 2023, the talks between me and her started to become of more flirtatious nature, so much to the point that other colleagues started to notice it when me and her were speaking. The favouritism from her also became very obvious, and since she was one of the managers that had been with the company for over 10 years, she was pretty respected by our store manager as well, which helped me to become a favourite among everyone. At this point, my crush for 🦁 started to become more serious because of her treatment towards me, but I continued to try and ignore it. But then in the beginning of December, I fell for her. And I honestly don’t know exactly what happened at that moment but I just looked over at her one day, and thought to myself “wow she is beautiful” and after that moment I couldn’t stop thinking about her. The whole month of December, I couldn’t focus on anything other than her. She was all I thought about at all times. January comes around and I meet up with her for brunch on our day off, where I also met her kids. Throughout January, my feelings for her kept getting stronger and stronger, and it became harder for me to ignore them because of her continuous flirting. Especially at some points she would give hints that made it seem like my feelings weren’t one sided. At this point I told a few of my colleagues that I am very close with about the whole situation, to which they were shocked, but also confirmed that they noticed it themselves. February comes around and I decide that I won’t be able to move on from 🦁 because of her mixed signals, so I should just tell her how I feel and that way I’ll know. So I tell her that I need to speak to her about something. She says that we can meet up for coffee before work on Wednesday. Wednesday happened to be Valentine’s Day…
We met up and I told her that there was someone at work that I have gotten feelings for, but I didn’t tell her who it was yet. She asked me what I wanted to do, and I told her that I wanna tell this person because that way I’ll have a definitive answer on how they feel and can move on if needed, but I was scared to tell them cause I don’t want things to get awkward between us since we are pretty close. She continues to tell me that if I think the person is mature enough, they won’t let thinking’s get awkward. 🦁 then starts to take guesses on who this person is. After saying a few different names she asks me “is it me”?, to which I nodded. She smiled, and went on to say “awe you’re so sweet, I do like you, and nothing has to change in our relationship, we can continue to hang out and be friends. She was very nice the whole time and didn’t act weird at all. After we were leaving the coffee place, I asked her if I can give her a flower for Valentine’s Day, to which she agreed, so I said I’ll get her one later. We both went to work and everything was very normal between us. Once the shift was finished, we walked to our cars together and I gave her the flower which she accepted and I also asked her to be very clear with me if I had any chance with her. To which she replied no and went on to say she sees me as a little sister and she gives me a hug. I was fine with that and knew that I can start to move on now.
A few days go by and I don’t see her since she went on a small trip. When she returned, I had gone to the store on my day off to give a gift to one of my colleagues who was going on maternity leave. When I went to the store, 🦁 was there as well, but she seemed to be avoiding me. So I didn’t speak to her but after I left I texted her asking to call me whenever she gets a chance. She calls after 3 minutes and asked what’s up, and I tell her that “I might be overthinking, but are you avoiding me?” To which she says that I am overthinking and she is not avoiding me, and assures me that everything is ok. I tell her that I need to speak to her, so she says that she’ll call me after she finishes work. Around 9:30pm she calls and asks if I want to speak over the phone or meet up. I tell her I’d rather meet up and she says let’s do Saturday before we work.
On Saturday, she texts me two hours before we’re supposed to meet with an excuse and says that we can speak in the store. But that day we didn’t get to talk in the store because it was pretty busy and there were people around. So during closing when me and 🦁 were alone in the back, I brought up that we didn’t get to talk, but she brushed me off saying that she is tired and that I should go home and sleep. At this point I got a bit annoyed and just left, but I texted her asking her to call me cause at this rate we wouldn’t be able to talk in person so might as well over the phone. But she never responded.
The next day, on Sunday, we’re both working again. This whole day she seems to be acting very strange. She still talked to me normally about work stuff but was acting different otherwise which started to bother me. This was noticed by a lot of my colleagues who even brought it up and asked what was going on between me and her. When my shift was almost finished I asked to speak to her. She agreed and we went into the fitting room in our store for privacy. I told her that I was starting to get annoyed because of the way she was acting since she keeps telling me that everything is ok between us but then is acting slightly weird and I just want her to be clear with me if she isn’t comfortable then I’ll leave her alone. She reassures me again that she is perfectly fine and that I am overthinking. She then gives excuses for her behaviour saying that she wasn’t feeling well yesterday and that she saw my text at midnight and didn’t want to call me that late and so on. I tell her that there were two things I wanted to tell to her. First was that I wanted to thank her for being very kind and understanding about my feelings. And the second was that I wanted to make it clear to her that don’t expect anything from her, if my feelings are one sided, I will move on. After which we agree that everything is ok now and I ask her for a hug. She gives me a hug but then she doesn’t pull away fully. While still holding me she says “you don’t have to worry, I do like you” and then she leans in and kisses me. At this point I am shocked and confused. But after that, she very clearly gets scared and goes on to plead that I don’t tell anyone. I was fine with the kiss and was crazy in love so I promised her that I will act like it never happened and it doesn’t have to happen again. We calm down and leave the fitting room and I am finished work at this point so as I’m about to leave I ask her, “if I text you, will you reply”, And she agrees. I didn’t end up texting her.
A few days go by and I am off from work. When I go back, I am doing opening shift and 🦁 is supposed to start an hour after me, but she doesn’t come in. Instead our store manager comes and tells me that we will have a meeting in her office. I go into the office and she has zoom open with a lady from HR who goes on to tell me that someone has filed a harassment complaint against me. They go on to ask me closed ended questions based on what 🦁 had told them. The questions were more to do with the fact that whether I confessed feelings for 🦁 or if I gave her a flower or texted her. I was so confused cause I didn’t understand how any of that was harassment. Texting was always two way, I never spammed her, she always texted me too. The flower was given with her permission and she accepted it. And developing feelings for someone is not harassment. Even our company handbook allows relationships between employees. They didn’t mention anything about the kiss which makes it obvious that 🦁 left that out. And I am stupid and was in love, I didn’t bring the kiss up either cause I wanted to protect her. Whole time during my questioning, which was only about 10 minutes, I was so uncomfortable especially cause my store manager was in the room as well and also the room is tiny. They go on to say that I am being put on leave while they “investigate”. And during that time I am not allowed to come to the store and talk to anyone that works there. They take my work phone and I leave. After I get home, I start thinking about how I didn’t even get to explain my side of things properly. All questions were so closed ended and on top of that, it happened so suddenly that I couldn’t even process it. I decide to text my store manager and ask to speak to her. She says that I can call, but then I realized that I don’t trust my store manager at all. Anything I tell her, there is no guarantee that it will be forwarded to HR. As an FYI, our store manager is probably the most hostile, and unprofessional manager I have ever worked with. No one that works at that location trusts her, as an example, she has made multiple grown employees cry in front of their clients because of her tone and way of “coaching”. Anyway, so I decide that instead I will send an email to the HR lady that I spoke to and explain my side of things more clearly. I was right in the middle of writing up the email when I get a call. It was my store manager and the HR lady on the phone, and they tell me that I am being terminated effective immediately. Apparently they “investigated” in 5 hours and made the decision that I am unsafe to work with. I tell them that I was in the middle of writing an email to explain my side of things because I didn’t get to. They respond with “the decision is final”
It has been over two months and to this day I have no idea what they are even accusing me of. Where was the harassment, I don’t even get it. Everything that happened between me and 🦁 was always consensual and two way. If HR bothered to investigate properly, they would have known this cause I told them that there are specific colleagues that know about everything that was happening. I’m sure HR hasn’t even seen the texts that were sent between me and 🦁 cause those will also prove that there was no harassment. But of course HR wanted to protect the “straight”, married, much more older, woman that has been with the company for over 10 years. Rather than me.