Planet Roksan (Rock-Sand), southern hemisphere. Terminal flatlands outpost, CODE NAME: E.N.D. Bodies of both man and machine lay on the shattered ground covered in blood and metal debris. Soldiers in armor fighting robotic drones that looked almost identical if not for the all-black metal coating separating them from the multi-colored armor the soldiers wore. The fighting was intense; streaks of energy bolts flew through the air, striking whatever was in the way: man, machine, rock, it didn't matter. Anything that that those weapons hit was destroyed. Seismic eruptions rippled the ground underneath them like water; decimating the nearby base and anyone caught off guard. Aircrafts flew over the battle dropping bombs onto unsuspecting victims; long-range artillery units fired massive rounds of high explosive ordinance from the horizon; not caring where they landed so long as they hit something. The scene was nothing short of absolute chaos. Like a ghost on the battlefield, one man stood in the middle of it all. He wore a white jumpsuit with a black strip down the middle and stitched on his right pocket was his name; Mike Oliver. Unable to move his feet, he looked around at the never-ending carnage that surrounded him. Like being in the eye of the storm, nothing around could disturb him. Bombs fell, and air blasted past him without displacing his white hair or stinging his blue eyes. Like a ghost, Mike went unnoticed, intangible to the hazardous environment that threatened everything else. Mike took in the battle without shock, fighting wasn't new to him. It was part of his life, but what he saw was madness. He was confused. Why was everyone fighting? What's the purpose of it all? What was waiting for the victor, should there ever be one? Mike felt he would never know the outcome, but at the same time, he didn't care. As he was looking around, he saw something in the distance to the south: a group of soldiers breaking through the entire battlefield like a stampede, heading straight for him. Mike tried to move out of the way, but he couldn't. His legs were stone like they were from the ground itself, but he struggled regardless. He tried and tried as the group charged towards him. Mike braced himself for the impact, but it never came, they passed right through him and continued running until they were at the cliff's edge and they jumped off without hesitation. Mike was becoming more confused by the minute, but the battle did not stop. The drones and soldiers were unaware that the group had jumped, as they were distracted by the fight. Something started to fill the air, a smell like salt from the ocean. Nobody else noticed because everyone had a helmet on. Everyone except for Mike. Mike looked out beyond the battle to find water stretching out to the horizon, then it was gone. A metal wall rose from the cliffside, kilometers long. Mike could barely see the ends from where he stood. The wall continued to rise until it was four kilometers high; it had giant white lettering in the middle. Mike had to pan his head from left to right to read it all: RAGNAROK. Then he realized what it was. It was a ship. The biggest one ever, maybe the biggest anyone has seen. Water dripped off the sides like rain as it finally started to clear the water. The sound of a thousand thunderclaps covered the land as dozens of massive thrusters on the bottom lifted the impossibly big ship into the sky. Mike noticed something was wrong; it was quiet. He looked around and saw everyone standing still; the battle had stopped entirely. Everyone was looking up, and nobody cared who stood next to them. Something caught Mike's eye; parts began to move along the sides, all-over light began to form. They were weapons. Red, green, and blue lights grew brighter as the weapons powered up, but nobody moved because they were mesmerized. Aircraft from the mountains to the south began to intercept the RAGNAROK, the artillery fired their rounds towards the ship, but it was futile. The RAGNAROK fired its weapons and blasted the three dozen fighter jets out of the sky with one swipe of a sustained red laser. Another gun fired a series of green plasma bolts, and Mike watched them soar and sear towards the artillery on the horizon like falling stars. He saw the green flames from where he stood kilometers away from the blast site. The last weapon fired and sent dozens of blue lightning bolts down onto the battlefield, vaporizing random targets both man and machine. Everyone tried to move out of the way but it did more harm than good. The weapons continued to fire, and then just as soon as it started, it was over, everything stopped, and there was a moment of silence. The guns ceased fire, and the soldiers stopped their shambling. Then there was a roaring, booming sound that caught everyone's attention, they tracked the source, and it was the ship. A massive fireball began to disintegrate the hull from the center, and it grew more significant by the second. Nobody stuck around for what was coming. "All units fall back to the minimum safe zone now!”, one soldier cried out. Everyone obeyed and sprinted out of the area so fast they were gone in a blink of an eye. Even the drones ran away, all in different directions. All that was left was Mike, who was powerless to move. All he could do is watch as his death was coming to him. The fireball consumed the RAGNAROK from bow to stern, and it was still expanding like a star was growing right in front of him. Mike wasn't ready to die, not like this. The fireball was bearing down on him, vaporizing seawater, burning rock, and thinning the air. It was just within reaching distance that he gave in; he was ready. He closed his eyes and felt the heat pass over him, and then everything went cold, dark, and quiet.

And then he woke up.

I've made a few posts, but summary, I'm 34 F have been a binge drinker for the past 15 years. I've always had a problem stopping when I started drinking. But it wasn't an everyday thing so I wasn't really putting my health at risk.
The past few months I've been getting wasted every single night. I keep it private so my spouse and family don't know. I was able to resist a few days ago, but only the one day and went right back. It doesn't help I've had some of my old traumas resurfacing recently that I haven't had pop up in a very long time.
I didn't tell my family the exent, but I did open up quite a bit about my struggles currently. As I said, I've been struggling quite a bit with past traumas. A lot of these traumas are from my late teens/early 20s when I was in a very bad self destructive phase and surrounded myself with dangerous people. I for the first time have been processing these traumas and relationships (these were "friends" I didn't date these guys) as an adult and processing everything that happened from that lens has been pretty difficult. I'm so angry at my past self for how I allowed myself to be abused and allowed myself to be friends with such horrible people. I had one person in particular who was the one who introduced me to alcohol and I always wonder if things would've been different had I been introduced to alcohol under normal circumstances. Not him constantly pushing me to drink to absolute excess. And what's crazy is at the time my boyfriend (who is my now husband and we are very happily married) was a wonderful person. Even though I had a great guy, my relationship overall with men was so messed up I still chose to be friends with awful people. I was just so self destructive.
Well anyways. In recent years I've really learned to let go of a lot of these self destructive patterns. I'm stopped trying to over compensate and be someone I'm not. I've really grown and matured past all that but this ONE thing, the drinking is where I'm still stuck. Last night I had kind of a switch go off in my brain. Like if I can let go of this one last thing I can really separate myself from who I used to be. Well today was the first day I didn't struggle not to drink. I'd say since covid 2020, every day I haven't drank has been a mental struggle to not do it. But I didn't have any temptation or desire today. I felt normal.
I don't know if this will last. I don't want to give myself false hope. But I'm hoping this feeling can last a while. My parents were really supportive and helpful. They suggested I take steps to avoid triggers for a while.

So I (14f) am a virgin and I am well aware of how sex works and all, but the idea of actually having sex (which will not be for a long time) is just hard for me to wrap my head around. I talk about this with my best friend all the time, and what goes through my head is just how weird it is for someone to be that close to me, maybe I am just emotionally awkward and insecure, but it makes me uncomfortable to think about. But the biggest concern is when I think about it, my first thought is, "What is supposed to go where??" And I've heard from my friend's older sister who has had sex that she used to feel weird about it before she had a boyfriend. Is this normal? Do other girls feel the same way about this before they have sex?

I never thought I'd be somewhere like this.
I sit here and stare at my wall, not knowing if my life will see any change. So fucking frustrated wanting to do something, anything than just sit here and waste my time on my phone or playing stupid games. What a waste of precious time. I'm sick of the scrolling, I'm sick of finding ways to merely occupy my time. I want to do something, I want to make something of myself. I want to leave my house and just start running. I used to love running. But now I'm trapped in my own goddamn body that isn't capable of sitting up or standing without feeling like my heart is going to explode. I was a regular student. I had a job, I was working on a research project, I was attending classes. I loved going to school. I was chasing my dreams on the side, I had lovely friendships. I was making progress, real good progress, I was becoming someone and I was living my life. Until I don't know what the fuck happened. Took one prescribed pill for some back pain and my life changed forever. Suddenly I couldn't sit without my heart hitting 130bpm. I'd get winded just trying to stand. 150. 160. 180. Nothing but lying down would stop this. I never knew you could be so out of breath just trying to stand. Forget about walking, forget about leaving the fucking house, I lost everything. Final year of school, I had to drop out because I couldn't attend my fourth year seminars.
I laid there in bed watching everything that I had built crumble. I had no present, I had no future. Then by some miracle they diagnosed me and put me on meds to stabilise my heart rate. Twice a day, everyday for the rest of who knows how long. I'm able to move around my house, struggle with the stairs but I can at least move around. But like clockwork, at the 5th hour mark, my symptoms come back and I'm back to not being able to do anything. There are others with my condition who aren't even on meds that work full time jobs, have children to take care of, and seem to live their lives. Struggle but somehow manage. I can't. I am not as strong. I am weak. I am held prisoner by my weak mind and heart. I stopped partaking in life, the outside world, I sit in my house contributing nothing to the world. Yet I still dream. I dream about getting better, I dream about becoming healthy, I dream about walking outside and capturing the beautiful world with a camera. I dream about meeting people outside, hanging out with friends like everyone else. I dream about commuting and walking into a job. I dream about participating in society like a proper human being.
But my reality is me sitting at home, too afraid to leave, scared of fainting in the middle of the street, scared of the presyncope grossness that comes every time I stand up. Terrified of living. Knowing others in my exact circumstance are capable, but that I am not. I used to be terrified of dying but these days I almost welcome it, at least I'll be at peace. Life's too beautiful to stop witnessing it now, but I wish I could participate in its beauty. Some part of me thinks it's unfair to die without being given a proper shot at life. But I just can't.
I just want to be able to run again. Without fear of heart palpitations and being scared that this is the time that my heart won't calm down and I won't be able to move again. I'm stuck. I just want to be somebody. But I'm just a prisoner of my own mind and body. Am I just a coward too scared to test my fate? I don't know. All I know is I'm rotting away.

I need advice on how to proceed with this. I really wanna break up with this girl I‘ve known for almost a year. The reality is that I don’t love her anymore, I don’t wanna sleep over with her, and I’m ready to let her loose. We fight, and her energy puts me down. She is somewhat depressed, was working in a toxic workplace being constantly attacked and she didn’t respect/stand for herself, however in a month transitioning to a better one. So it’s the perfect time to break up, as it won’t affect her job. She lost all her close friends (mostly toxic friends), so she is quite lonely. I want to give her the chance to find someone who would actually love her, as I don’t. At the same time she is very lonely, and likely she will get clinically depressed as she would feel everybody rejects her and basically she has no one.
I want to do her a favor of supporting her without disrespecting my decision to cut loose. Ideally if she had someone to support her she wouldn’t be bothered by the breakup as she expects it. What should I do?

Am I the Arsehole? My closest friend (we've known each other for 18 years) and my business partner (for 7 years) recently had a new their first baby (he's a single Dad via surrogate). I wasn't able to be with him during the birth as in took place in another country so we've been texting a lot. The baby was born 4 weeks ago.
During a text conversation a few days ago, I accidentally misspelled his son's name as "Jessie" instead of "Jesse". So I accidentally added an "i" to the name while busily writing out a message about him possibly being underweight because he was premature, I said, "Is Jessie gaining weight fast enough?". My friend replied "it's Jesse friend-who-should-really-know-that". Now, not having registered that I had misspelled the name, I took this to mean that I should know about newborns WEIGHT in general. I was confused, I didn't this was obvious knowledge. So not realising that he was referring to the spelling, I made the mistake again a second time a minute later. He corrected me again and I apologised and said it was a simple mistake. He said he didn't care, it's his son's name. Since then I have consciously spelled the name correctly every time.
My friend was very offended by the misspelling. For the last day, we've been having a fight about this - probably 40 long text messages. I've apologised a couple of times. I've told him that it's ridiculous to be punishing me with this argument for the mistake, and that he needs to have more understanding. He's said that I should know the spelling (even though we've never talked about how Jessie/e can be spellied several ways until now, I guess he expected me to realise). He's said that I haven't taken enough responsibility and acknowledged how the misspelling made him feel. I've told him to chill out, that this is petty and that he's blown this mistake completely out of proportion. I haven't made the mistake since. He's moved between calling it a misspelling and that it wasn't a mistake, that I entirely "forgot" his son's name. He recently said "a mistake would be calling him Jessr or Jessw because those letters are near the letter e. But you actually spelt out the whole spelling of the alternative name (Jessie) which means you actually thought that was his name."
I've felt shitty for 24 hours because it was an unconscious mistake I made that I'm now being vindicated for. I've apologised twice but he wants more - to acknowledge how I made him feel and acknowledge that is much worse than how I see it. I just think that's way too much for what happened. As his closest fiend for 18 years, who has made a baby gift, is single-handedly running his business while he's away and has been checking in almost daily (apparently not enough though), I thought he might be a bit more understanding.
Honestly, am I the arsehole for misspelling the name?

Pretty much what's on the title. Some months ago I got the opportunity to meet someone who I connected very well I believe, I enjoy their person a lot.
I wouldn't call it a regular "crush" though, I am not getting butterflies when I am with them nor I think I am idealizing that person, but I've come to accept the fact that I might actually love this person. Looking back again I think I fell for them instantly but realized that only recently. It could have to do with the fact that I consider myself somewhat aromantic. (I know having crushes contradicts with the term per se, and I wouldn't mind explaining further, but it is not really the main subject here nor I think it matters much anyways.)
Going back to them, this person has been on a relationship with someone else for almost two years. I had the opportunity to meet their partner a few times and If you had to ask me, I honestly think they make a very cute couple, so even if they have been having some heavy issues lately, I fully believe they are going to find a solution together. Their partner would have to fuck up extremely hard for it to end up in a break up and I really don't imagine it's gonna be the case. I also wouldn't want this, as my friend is clearly deeply in love with them and I would hate it to see them sad, they are already depressed with all the situation (It's seems to be a problem that has been escalating over time) and I've been feeling kinda useless and sad being unable to help them.
I am fully aware that I am not in a place to interfere with their life and I've reduced myself to simply providing them with support as a normal friend should, at the end of the day that's what matters the most, but as days pass by, I get overwhelmed by a feeling of sorrow that gets more and more present on my life, specially on certain places/moments like parties or in conversations about love life. The other day this friend convinced me to go with them to a party and I suddently got extremely depressed on it as they talked about couples and crushes, I've been evading social situations like that one ever since.
I've talked with some friends and a majority give me the same two options, telling them so I get rejected, allowing me to overcome with the sadness quick, or just distancing myself to try to erase my feelings. I do have to mention that I can't open up completely to people in real life so what I've told my friend differs from what I've said here.
I come here to ask again what I could do, I wouldn't want to distance as I appreciate their friendship, and they have told me they appreciate mine too. Even if we haven't been friends for too long this person really did became an important part of my life and I would probably feel worse if I lost them indefinitely. However at the same time, as I mentioned before, I keep getting moments of sorrowness on my life because of them, and whilst they are not that serious, as someone who is already struggling with self esteem issues and worst feelings that I will abstain to say, I feel it's not an adequate situation to be in, considering my own well being.
I am troubled about what to do, I suppose that ultimately the decicion depends on what I prioritize the most, but I still would like other people thoughts on it, just in case.

Someone I loved dearly passed away and she wore this bracelet. I have had it for a year and a half and its pained me I don’t know what this says, or can’t figure out the type of writing so I could make meaning or it or translate it. It almost looks like calligraphy. I know these pictures are shit don’t come for me lol. It looks like mush to the human eye too. Though my health is deteriorating and if I knew what this meant maybe it could be a support. This was my one wish I have. If anyone even has an app, website, or knows where I could go to figure it out. It would mean a lot

I am hoping some fellow genealogists may be able to share their thoughts about my theory concerning who my great grandfather's father is. I've been working to figure out who his father is for three and a half years now and believe the end is finally in sight. I would like some peace of mind, and I'm also hoping to share my theory with the family, as they've been very kind and accepting of the whole situation, likely because they didn't know the people involved personally. I'm also open to ideas that may prove my theory, beside having relatives from each side to test to see if they match our family, as I'm still trying to connect with biological cousins (only connected with an adopted one so far).
My grandma has two DNA matches from this one family, a grandson and great granddaughter of a couple, Gunichi and Masako. Unfortunately, the shared matches are too distant to be helpful. Based on how much DNA they share, I am confident that her grandfather is either Gunichi's brother, Gunichi's father, or Masako's father. I'll detail my evidence (or lack of) pointing towards each candidate:
For added context, my great grandpa was born in 1919 in Hawaii.
UKICHI TANOHARA - Masako's father Ukichi is who I currently believe the father to be. He was living in the same county as my great grandfather's mother (about 6 miles away). "Coincidentally," he had a son pass away around the time of my great grandpa's conception. Using the conception date calculator, his son's death date is literally a day before the range of conception dates. My theory is that he had a fling with my great grandpa's mother out of grief, or maybe because he had to travel to town to file his son's death certificate.
Some less important details: While I have not yet seen a photo of him, I have seen a photo of his sister and his nephew from another sister, and they both share some features with my great grandpa, which some other family members (including my grandma) seem to agree on. Also, Ukichi was the same age as my great grandpa's older sister's father, William Stone - the man we initially believed was his father as well. I bring this up because William was 30 years older than my great-great grandma. Ukichi was around that same age (possibly the same birth year).
KAKUTARO HASHIMOTO - Gunichi's father Kakutaro was my theory for a year or two. When I first found out that my great grandpa's father wasn't his father, I informed my great grandpa's cousin, and was surprised to learn that he had been told the story many years ago. He told me that my great grandpa's father was a Japanese traveling salesman. That fact is the reason why I believed Kakutaro to be the father. I thought the coincidence that he was a traveling salesman couldn't be a coincidence. However, now I'm more inclined to believe it was a story that got changed as it was passed down.
Beyond that, I don't have too much other evidence. Kakutaro arrived in NYC in April 1919 - a month after my great grandpa would've been conceived - so he was definitely traveling around at the time. One detail that made me change my mind about Kakutaro was seeing a photo of Gunichi. Gunichi and Masako's children do share some features with my great grandpa. However, Gunichi looks completely different. He doesn't share features with my great grandpa at all, meaning those features shared with my great grandpa came from Masako, who I haven't seen a photo of yet.
HATSUTARO HASHIMOTO - Gunichi's father I don't have much reason to suspect Hatsutaro. In fact, he was living on Kauai, whereas my great-great grandmother was living on Hawaii. I don't believe he had any reason to visit, especially since she was living in a more isolated town.
Thank you all for your thoughts and insight!

TLDR- Anakin Skywalker couldn't overcome Darth Vader or the Dark Side with the forgiveness of others. The only way to let go of his hate, return to the Light Side, and finally find peace was by forgiving himself.
From the moment he was first "consumed by Darth Vader", as Yoda put it, the greatest fundamental challenge for Anakin to return to the Light was never being forgiven by others. It wouldn't make enough difference if everyone he'd ever hurt or killed sincerely told him "I forgive you", if his mom appeared in a vision to console him, if Padme herself died still believing there was good in him, or even if his own son was willing to die believing there was good in him. Whatever they said or did wouldn't change his heart.
The core of Vader's hatred and pain was never about needing or wanting others' forgiveness or remorse, which is a major reason why he stayed a devout Sith for so long. Because the Sith's strength in the Force comes from their emotions, that way of life became an outlet for him to continue living in the personal Hell that, deep down, he thought he deserved (since all he had left for so long were self-imposed negative emotions). He was his own worst judge & critic. It wouldn't matter how much he did to atone for his crimes (except perhaps to the victims & their loved ones) if he still held himself in nothing but contempt.
In the Sith Lord's mind, even with all this power + the Empire's armies at his disposal, he felt like a failure who deserved his suffering. At every opportunity to repent, he chose to stay on the Sith's path because he didn't believe any other path was left to him. Quoting a review of the Darth Vader comics:
"The kyber crystal he’s trying to force into a Sith crystal, to crush its will beneath his own, fights back with throwing at him what Anakin Skywalker still wants to do, the right thing to do, saying that it’s still possible. It shows him that it’s still possible. But Vader refuses it. That path is no longer possible, it would go against everything he’s sacrificed to get where he is, his betrayal of the Jedi, his killing Padme (so he thinks), his turning his back on the Republic, the murders he’s committed, the monster he’s made himself, it would all have been for nothing if he turned back now. All he would have on that path is nothing, Vader thinks.
Never mind that he would have the right thing, never mind that Obi-Wan would see him as Anakin again and would have forgiven him, would have taken him back, never mind that he could have saved the galaxy from Sidious’ cruelty and horrors. Vader still forces himself to believe that all of that would be nothing. He has to keep moving forward, the sacrifices he made, the things he did and will do, have to be worth it, and that won’t happen on that other path. This new life is his only choice now. The only way out is through. This is all there is."
Vader was dead set on forcing this path to be worth everything he'd lost. He didn't believe he deserved any better after all he'd done. He convinced himself Anakin symbolized weakness from a failed past, but one could also interpret that he believed (even if he wouldn't admit it to himself) he was unworthy of the name.
Vader told Luke "There is no conflict. That name no longer has any meaning for me.", but the anger in his voice during that assertion suggested otherwise. The name Anakin Skywalker simultaneously served as: A) A reminder of his failure to save those closest to him. B) A reminder of when he had family, friends, and so much in his life to be grateful for (in spite of hardships & losses) that he took for granted. Self-loathing was all he understood anymore, and it was that hate that helped give him so much power even with his injuries.
The only way Anakin could find his way back to the Light, even for just one final self-sacrificial act, was to receive forgiveness from the most important person, the one at the root of his decades of hatred... HIMSELF. As long as that self-hatred continued fueling his immersion in the Dark Side, nobody could reach him regardless of who they were or how they approached the situation. Even when his inner conflict started to emerge thanks to Luke's influence, he still believed it was "too late" for him to turn back or be anything else.
He couldn't bear the thought of going back to the path of the Light when his most defining memory of being on it was when he betrayed everything/everyone that life had given him. For all these years, he adamantly believed he could have saved everyone if only he'd been stronger. If only he hadn't allowed the Jedi's dogma to hold him back from his full potential. That ambition led to him losing Padme. He may have even believed in some warped way that turning Luke (and/or Leia) to the Dark would allow them to be a family again.
Even if Luke killed Vader to take his place at Palpatine's side, they'd still be connected in that they'd be links in the chain of Sith history + legacy. It was only in the moment of seeing Luke about to be killed that Anakin finally broke through, screaming "ENOUGH! It's time to LET GO! Let go of the past, let go of your hate (echoing Luke)! Your family needs you! Your son needs you! He is the best of you and his mother! You're RIGHT HERE! You can make a different choice this time. It's NOT too late! You can still SAVE HIM! SAVE HIM!!!!!"
And so, at the cost of his life, he did. When Luke said "I'll not leave you here. I've got to save you." and his father replied "You already have. You were right about me.", Anakin was implying that Luke was right about letting go of hate. That would only be possible to do if Anakin forgave himself. THAT'S how he was able to die, ascend, and be reborn as a Force Ghost. THAT was the most vital step from the start to his redemption.
By accepting everything that had happened on his journey, acknowledging that the direction he went was wrong, realizing it was ultimately his own choice even when accounting for Palpatine's influence, and no longer letting his negative feelings hold him down, he'd finally achieved peace with himself and the Force.

I'm...at a loss for words. Many a time I have watched a show, or a movie. I've identified with a character like Newt Scamander. I've been engaged in a show and couldn't stop thinking about it.
But now here I am. Sitting here. I'm crying. Like Elliot was in those final moments. "Outro" is still playing in my head. And I'm lost now because it's over.
I don't think there will ever be a show as good in quality to me as Mr. Robot. I will never identify with someone or root for someone as strongly as I did Elliot Alderson. This show is incredible. It's a work of art. And I had to come here and make my first post because I am feeling so many emotions. So many thoughts. I almost want to rewatch it right away and feel everything all over again.
But now that I'm here...Hello Friend. What was your stand out Mr. Robot moment, or a moment that made you feel heightened emotions?

Long story but it is quite juicy, I left a TLDR but recommend reading the whole thing.
TLDR: Girl I know has an active dating app profile and is also actively posting on kink personal subreddits looking for guys. Her boyfriend posted a picture of them together a few weeks ago after I had seen this, and I know they were dating beforehand.
So this situation involves two people who I don't talk to. They are both friends of friends and I have known them separate from one another, and for the most part I have had little to no interaction with both of them in the time that I have known them. (outside of the girl)
CONTEXT: It involves a girl, let's call her Marie, and a guy, let's call him James. One of the things that makes this situation even more sticky is that Marie is best friends with my ex-girlfriend which I broke up with over 2 months ago.
James and I share a common interest/activity together, and due to the close knit nature of our community/college we are in a Snapchat group chat together and are also friends on there, but we don't talk.
Anyways, about a month ago I downloaded dating apps again to get back in the game. After a few days of using it I came across Marie's profile on the 3 major apps (Tinder, Bumble, Hinge). I thought this was odd because I thought she was dating James, but figured they must have broken up. Also to note, her profile had NO mention of polygamy.
2 weeks ago, I see that James posted a story to his Snapchat, and it was him and Marie together, celebrating their 5 month anniversary. I thought about reaching out based on what I knew, but I didn't know what to do.
I didn't do anything right away, however this weekend I thought about it again and I decided to try and do a little detective work, admittedly probably overstepping some boundaries, because one of the things I did was look up her online/gaming alias on Google, as we did play some games together with my ex-girlfriend prior to breaking up.
And then I found her Reddit... and what I found made my heart sink. She had posts on kink personal subreddits looking for guys to do sexual acts with. Nothing in these posts mentioned that it would my polygamous, The information she provided, plus posts/comments in other subreddits were self identifying enough that I know with certainty it is her.
These posts are as recent as a few days ago and go back about 2 months. Well into when they were still dating (if they are broken up).
I know that none of this is my business, and it could very well be that they are in a polygamous relationship, but nothing that her profiles showed indicated that it is. I have no idea what to do, I feel like if I were to reach out that I would be seen as a creep/invading someone's personal life.

Welp turns out I’m part black 🤷‍♀️ my moms been sick and hasn’t been able to get a diagnosis for awhile because what the doctors thought she had she couldn’t have because it’s a “black disease” and we AREN’T black…until my mom got some genetic testing done. Turns out she does have the “black disease” because she’s part black. She confronted my grandmother about it and she confessed that she’s 1/2 black and has been hiding it her entire life. My great grandparents cheated on each other a lot my great grandpa with women over seas while in the military and my grandma with every black “handyman” she hired while he was away. My grandma was light skinned and could pass for white as long as she kept her hair cut short in a pixie cut so that’s what great grandma did and my grandma has kept that hairstyle her entire life. I don’t know if great grandpa ever knew or when grandma found out but she still continue the charade even though great grandparents have been dead since the 80s. It’s very weird because it’s not like we were fully white before my grandmas grandmother was Native American and my grandma was always very proud of that. Decorated her house in tribal decor, passed down the skill of tribal medicine and healing, taught all of us about our tribe and its history etc so why hide this? She isn’t racist either her 2 best friends to the point of me referring to them as aunties are both black women I’ve been to their houses celebrated holidays with their families grew up with their grandchildren my cousin even married one of them and now has 2 mixed kids herself. Like it’s just so weird that she’d hide this and is still wanting to pretend that she isn’t black and asked us to never talk about it again or bring it up to anyone she knows. This is weird right? I don’t even know how to feel about it. Like how did I not see it?? My grandma has always had dark tan skin but I just thought it was our native heritage and my mother has lightly tan skin with freckles and curly short ginger hair and full lips and thick hips butt and thighs but also very muscular kind of like Simone biles? I never saw it before but now I look at her and she looks like a black person with white skin and red hair. I myself am looking in the mirror and starting to question things,old remarks from high school about having “black booty” or “black girl lips”, my hairdresser calling my hair texture unusual (its wavy in some places straight in others when dry but curls when wet or humid) having a black boss at a fast food chain hire me because she could tell I was “mixed with something” why I also have a disease that is mostly common with POC. I know I’m probably being ridiculous but I feel like I just found the missing small puzzle piece and that something was always a little “off” and now that I have the answer it’ll get better.

im new to Reddit so I apologize if im doing this wrong, i think im asking for advice/opinions.. im 21f and two or three years ago i started hanging out with an old friend again after a few years, it was right after a serious relationship for me so honestly i was just rebounding and having fun with an old friend. Anyways.. after about a month of hanging out everyday with him and his friends, and three hookups later, hes driving me home and says “ive started talking to this one girl recently and id feel bad if we kept seeing each other while I pursued her”. Very understandable, i told him thats no problem, no worries and that were all good. That was the last i heard of him until a year later. 

After about a year, im back together with the ex i was hung up on while rebounding with (well call him jake). Im at the mall with my friend and i get a “hey girly” text from a girl well call sara. Anyways, sara proceededs to say that her and jake were dating and she thinks jake was cheating on her with me, she then said when she found out abt the cheating he cried and said that while he tried to break it off with me, i “screamed and cried” and said “i love you, ill off myself if you leave… that I assaulted him during one of our hookups. I was blown away.

Sara clarifies and assures me she knows the truth and that hes a lying cheating loser and i fill her in on what really happened between us, keep in mind, I know woman can hurt men like that, but the three times we hooked up I was stomach down face down the whole time and it was during a very sickly time in my life, I was under 90lbs. It just wasn’t possible unless i drugged the mf somehow, he was very big… anyways, after that jake tried reaching out to me to hang out again and i literally said “if i assaulted you why would u wanna hang w ur abuser?” And blocked him after that. 

For the next year n half Sara and I aren’t close friends but we are mutuals and frequently interacted via instagram, the typical liking posts and replying to stories… i didnt start noticing anything off about Sara until it was basically too late, essentially it started with a TikTok she reposted on instagram saying something like “when she copy’s you” idk just something along those lines. I cant tell you why i had a feeling it was about me, but i did.. i ignored it and immediately pushed down the idea that she posted that directed towards me, i remember thinking to myself “there’s no way, i mean we’ve had literally no issues lol”.. and i mean her and i are still interacting completely normal still atp.

i cant remember how long after the TikTok repost till the indirect, direct posts, started getting really personal. Things like “the girl they cheat with is always uglier.” But it really started going downhill till i noticed.. no matter what time it is.. 4am..1pm.. she was my first instagram story viewer, without fail, everytime. 

In my head at this point im just thinking like “yk i post a lot, its not weird, maybe she’s just really active like me” during this time im really just trying to avoid the truth which is, that girl isn’t my friend, her and I weren’t close but i hold friends more dear than anything and i always have, she went through something hurtful that i was involved with and although i didnt know she and jake were together i felt i owed her loyalty and at least someone that’ll be real with her.
Now im getting to the main event.. i know.. this is already insane enough. Trust me. Anyways very very soon after i clock it that Sara is always my first viewer, thats when the eerily similar post come up. It started with random little things, and maybe thats why it took me so long to notice but it started with me posting a picture of a bush outside and, im not joking, two minutes later after being my first viewer, posts a SOMEHOW “prettier” (subjectively) bush than i posted. Then id post a selfie in a certain pose and minutes later shed post the same exact thing of herself. By this time ive NOTICED what’s slowly happening but I truly didnt want to believe this shit again im thinking to myself “youre not that bitch, why would someone COPY you” i mean this girl is pretty! Smart! Insane daddy’s money! Why tf would she be pressed over me, at the time i was sick and depressed and lowkey Emo.

the basically blatant copying continued for a few months, i really didnt want to bring it up and it had gotten to a point where i was thinking of this situation pretty often, it made me feel gross and weird and mean, i felt mean thinking she’d copy me. It was horrible. I had gotten Into a new Relationship at this time and i was just ignoring it until one day i lost a picture of a hummingbird and the caption says “omg a hummingbird has never been so close to me” those birds are very important to me they remind me of my grandmas old cottage. NOT EVEN A WHOLE 2 MINUTES GO BY and she posts a video of a hummingbird flying CLOSER to her. 

That was the breaking point for me honestly, i didn’t say anything to her nor post anything bout her, i simply unfollowed her on instagram and that was that, I unfollowed her and refreshed her account 5 seconds later SHE BLOCKED ME. It had all clicked, she was on my account all day. Everyday refreshing my account, always my first viewer, post exact lookalikes to what im postng, purchasing clothes and random things i own. It was all on purpose and she knew what she was doing. But that was that, what’s done was done and i moved on, literally forgot about her existence.
UNTIL THREE MONTHS LATER i get a. Message from one of those fake phone numbers saying “come get ur man girl” and sends a photo of my bf at the time liking a body photo of Sara’s on instagram. Now I wasn’t mad at the obviously photoshopped screenshot, like that shit was fucking stupidly photoshopped the fonts were completely different, i was mad about her HUNG UP on me. I replied saying stuff like youre nothing but a spoiled brat who cries when she doesnt get her way, i said she complains about these things in her life that she causes herself, all the drama she was in and i blindly defend her, somehow she was always in beef with ppl that stalked her and copy’s her an all these People want to be as rich and pretty and smart and funny her and they cant so they hate her, i said you are the evil one and now i see it, you cause these issues and when people defend themselves or disengage with you because of your behavior towards them you blast them on social media painting them as the bag guy because you know people will blindly believe you. I said much more in much better wording but thats basically that.. AND BOY DID SHE NOT LIKE THAT

here begins the relentless posting of me, she’s posted blatant insane lies like im a pedo and a racist,, that i support mass genocide and im a rapist, im a stalker who wants to be her so bad but ill never be as educated and wealthy and ill never have a good job and will be a lifeless loser my whole life. INSANE SHIT LMAOO, i entertained it for a while, shed post lies and id post “un actually here’s what happened” and she’s post my post and cover out the parts she sounds bad and only post the parts where I admittedly went wrong, but like i willl literally admit Where i said sum I shouldn’t have so wtf. 

This cycle goes on for months, she contacts these older girls who previously had beef with me and had them give her all my information so now she’s signing my phone number up for the national guard, my address, my full name and family’s name. She’s actually lost her mind atp, it’s been two years and biweekly she Post about. me, pushing this narrative that im all these things yet has no proof to back up anything, even tho i have timeline proof of my posts then hers, i buy something then she buys it after, saying Vietnamese noses are ugly. Proof of her asking for my information. She has her army of blinded losers constantly stalking me along with her and talking about me, texting me talking all this ignorant shit and ive sat here all by myself just flabbergasted, for the first year it really did get to me, id feel sick, i felt the need to prove to her and her instagram followers that im not who she’s saying i am, and even she herself knows that. I eventually just stopped fighting back, i stopped trying to clear my name and clear the air.. i learned she’s a Narcissist , no matter the response. She’s going to feed off of it, i’ve been nice, i’ve been rude, i’’ve been empathetic, and ive been cruel. nothing stopped her and im afraid nothing but time will.

This started when i was 19 and i’m now 21, i’’ve called the cops but since this is classified as “cyber bullying” there’s no laws and nothing they can do, after learning i called the cops on her she started posting about a case she’s making against me for defamation which is confusing bc i never told a lie, she did. I notice After two years she just projects everything, her deepest insecurities are right there if you look, it’s what she brags, and shows off the most, herself. She has everything, anyone could want and need yet she’s still so Miserable, yet me, broke as fuck, pretty but nothing to brag abt, i don’’t materially have what she has and she thinks because of that i created this whole mess, but ive always been richer,, im happy with myself, im content most days and thats incredible, i have the most beautiful friends who love me. And would die for me, family i adore. I have everything. The great job, the loads of money and gucci purse can fucking wait, thats my even what i want truly, i want to be a mother. there’s much more detail but this post is already so long and draining, i honestly dont know what to say, I haven’t gone on her account in months but ill still hear and see screenshots every now and then of what she says, the most recent one was yesterday and its that i apparently have been calling her little brothers phone, who’s also a minor. Just untrue, honestly sinister, evil shit. Evil person. And i regret befriending her.. 

I never thought I’d see myself writing on this forum or at least I hope I wouldn’t have to. My name is Miriam Jackson and I’m looking for a friend. Her name is Jocelyn Willard and I haven’t received anything from her for over a month.
Jocelyn went to Jonesborough, Tennessee for an investigative story on Reverend Somber.
I have only 6 files she sent me while on this trip, as I sometimes help her with editing and filing notes. Hopefully, they can help give the person who’s reading this the information necessary to help find her.
Jocelyn is a freelance journalist, who delved into journalism as she sees it as “the beacon of truth” Her newest fixation was televangelism. I know… I know in this day and age who's watching cable but that to Jocelyn is what made it more interesting.
Especially when she stumbled across Reverend Somber, unlike his name Reverend Sombers is charismatic ( as most in televangelism are) and speaks with such a feverish devotion you’d think you’re hearing the voice of God speak through him. He can often be found preaching on CTN at around 2 A.M. In his words `` Jesus had not come to talk to the righteous but to those who know they are sinners, and at this time sweetheart only sinners are watching.”
What caused Jocylen to want to investigate Somber’s I don’t know.

File#1: Gas Station _Towns People_Sombers Letter.Doc

I’m about a little less than a mile out on the outskirts of Jonesborough. I make a stop at the only gas station I’ve seen since leaving Route 321 about 30 minutes ago.
As I get out of my car I take in the sun something I don’t get enough of in Seattle. The gas station still has the reminiscence of different decades passed; with its paint chipped around the brick exposing its rustic hues and the sign tilted “Whitmens Gas Station Est.1910”.
I open the door causing a bell to ring,
“Hello, what can I help you with today darlin’,” said the lady behind the counter. She seemed about 60 years old her hair not yet fully gray and her face showing the emotions she’s worn over the years.
“ Hi, I just want to fill up my tank, I’m parked at pump 1,” I said.
“Well alright, what got you coming to these parts?”
“Oh, I’m writing on Reverend Sombers I’m supposed to go follow him as he goes live tonight for CTN”
“Ain’t that a treat, I swear when I hear him preach on Sundays it’s like the Lord is speaking through him,” she said in such a way you’d think she’d seen Heaven in that man's eyes.
“Well isn’t that something…How long has he been preaching for?” I ask as I pick at the hangnail on my finger. The admiration she had for the Reverend made me uneasy but I’d figured she’d know some background on him. Oddly she didn’t.
“Oh, He came around 3 years ago, it seemed like he just popped up at the church now that I think about it, The town was nothing like the peace it is now, Sombers brought this town into prosperity I tell ya.”Her brows furrowed as though she just realized something.
“I almost forgot to tell Earl to put the gas in ya car, go wait out there I’ll go tell him.”
Taking this as my queue that the interview is over I walk over to my car and wait inside for the man to arrive. A tap on my passenger-side window snaps me out of my daydreaming.
“I filled your gas up, Ruth told me you’ve been askin bout Reverend Sombers said you’d be writin on him.” Earl said.
“Yeah, do you have anything you’d like to share?” I shift in my seat as I take in Earl. He seems a bit younger than Ruth, his hands caked with oil stains and his shirt spotting the same look. A small towel lays on his shoulder. He leans into my passenger-side window before he answers
“I ain’t too fond of him don’t tell Ruth now she’d be madder than a wet hen I tell ya.” he coughs and laughs
“What are you not fond of?” Interested in figuring out what Earl knows that Ruth doesn’t
“I don’t speak too much on him don’t want him comin round here, you best be goin now ya tank is full. Have a good stay now ma’am” He smiled his teeth showing a testament to years of tobacco use.
I smile meekly back and wave bye as I head into town. Left with more questions I know I’ve not made a dumb decision by investigating Somber.
The town is picturesque many of it still having the structures from the 1800s it’s the oldest town in Tennessee after all. As I drive through town I take in the families walking and neighbors saying hi to each other. Almost too cookie-cutter.
I parked my car in front of Jonesborough Bed and Breakfast a quaint Victorian-era cottage. The overgrown bushes cover the majority of the white picket fence. A homey cottage and a hot meal sounds great right about now. I enter and am warmly greeted by the B&B owner.
“Hi, I’m Mary-Ann you must be Jocylen only person we have booked to stay for so long.”
“Yes, that would be me. I’m wondering if you could recommend a place for lunch. I'm quite hungry.” I put a hand to my stomach. I should've grabbed a snack at the gas station I thought.
“There’s the local diner just up the street, Your room is the first door on the right upstairs. It’s the Reverend's favorite. He thought you’d like it… that reminds me Reverend Somber will be having dinner with you today and said he’d want to speak with ya before you go follow him around. He left a lil welcome basket for ya upstairs,” she said
I thanked her then made my way to my room wondering what he’d left for me.
The room has a king-sized canopy bed in the middle with a white- Linen curtain draped on top. Stands out from the rest of the room, The canopy is supported by twisted columns and the back wall of the bed is structured architecturally containing a niche with a shell decoration and four more smaller twisted columns surrounded by leaf decorations. The deep walnut wood of the bed is a contrast to the faded yellow stained floral wallpaper and average closet in the corner of the room. The bed was foreign to this room, I just knew it.
I look at the welcome basket on the bed filled with fruit, wine, a letter, and oddly finger cots. The letter stated the following
Dear, Miss Willard
Thank you for your interest in my humble serving of the lord. I’d like to take ya to dinner at The Black Olive to better acquaint ourselves before you shadow me today. I hope the finger cots give you rest from your constant finger picking what a painful nervous tick to have for the past 20 years. Grace and peace to you in the name of Jesus Christ.
Sincerely,
Reverend Somber
I felt the sweat dripping from the back of my neck and my hands shaking as I folded the letter back up. All I can think is
who the fuck is Reverand Sombers.

First Off: SPOILERS FOR THE STORY!
Even if it was not perfect, I highly recommend "A Study in Scarlet!" It's fascinating to see Sherlock Holmes' first literary adventure. Not only to compare and contrast it with how the character and its interpretations have evolved over the years, but to witness the craft and skill of Arthur Conan Doyle in crafting a gripping Victorian yarn (at about the tenth the size of the usual length of a serialized story of that period)
You've been warned!
"Study in Scarlet" is many things, but it certainly is no boring.
I had spent many years of my young life being exposed to many differing interpretation of iconoclastic consulting detective, and have loved almost every single one of them. But, in spite of there (usually) good quality, these were merely "echoes" of the actual thing.
As such, earlier this year, me and several friends of mine formed a sort of book club, intent on finally reading this famed novel. We would go about it a chapter every two days and hopefully finish it in about a month.
Well, life being what it is, delays in readings accrued. For some, it was a missed chapter on a particular day (guilty as charged).
For others, well, they're still reading it.
Which brings me to this review. Two months back I had finally finished my copy of the novel, a beautifully researched and annotated printed under the "Oxford World Classics" label. I would heartily recommend this version, as it helped clarify some of the misconceptions put forth by the book in its second half, shedding a light on some of Arthur Conan Doyle's politics in the process.
More on that later.
For now, let's get on with the show.
It's 1881 in Victorian Era England. John Watson, a 2nd Afghanistan War Doctor has been discarged back to his home country following injury. Quickly running out of money from the meager army pension he makes, he meets up with an old hospital colleague who introduces him to the titular Sherlock Holmes.
This introduction was utterly fascinating, portraying a Sherlock who is utterly giddy and quirky in a way that I've never seen him as in any other adaption. It immediately sheds a light on his eccentric nature, and I would be remissed if I didn't mention how it seems to feel reminiscent of those on the spectrum. I almost lament that this aspect of his character is largley absent in most adaptions. It's quite endearing.
Following this meet-up, Sherlock and Watson get on quite well. Enough so that they decide to purchase an apartment and become roommates on, you guessed it, 221b Baker Street.
(An address that doesn't actually exist, as my annotated copy pointed out. Shame.)
It is at this point, Watson notes, that he realizes just how eccentric Holmes really is.
We have the usual expected details, the ones adaptions tend to carry over. Is reading of police reports and "sensational literature," his immense knowledge of poisons and murder methods, and even a violin he strums to calm himself. Then there are the more... obscure aspects. Thankfully, Watson made a sort of list that can help. His uncommon knowledge of all things crime seems to have usurped the place of layman's knowledge in his "Mind palace." His awareness of politics is little, and his knowledge of normal literature, philosophy, and astrology is "nil," to quote Watson.
He doesn't even know that the Earth revolves around the Sun.
Yes, you read that correctly.
Sherlock Holmes. Master detective. Doesn't know that the Earth revolves around the damn Sun.
Utterly, hilarious.
Anyways, after some rumination on the science of deduction, we are thrust into the story either an incoming telegram from Inspector Lestrade. Since Sherlock's occupation is being a consulting detective, he offers aid to the stumped police for a small fee. A man has been found dead from a supposed suicide in an abandoned building, with only a bloody word written above a mantelpiece as any indication of motivation.
"RACHE"
However, rather than focusing on the crime itself, Sherlock focuses on the surrounding area, poking around and astutely Study every single little detail he comes across with utter focus. After an extended amount of time does he actually arrive at the main crime scene to study, and the bloody message. The police, of course, assume it's a name: "Rachel." However, Sherlock (in his boundless intelligence) surmises that it is actually the German word "Revenge." Not only that, but he figures out there was another man, working out his height, walk, and dress.
This isn't a suicide. It's murder.
The investigation continues, another murder occurs, a suprisingly exciting chase scene happens, and finally Sherlock lures the murderer right into the heart of 221b Baker Street.
Enter "The Killer Mormons."
It's at this point that the story takes an unexpected left turn, as we suddenly flash back 34 years ago in America, and a community of Mormons in Salt Lake City.
Look, before we proceed, I should clarify that I am not Mormon. At best, my exposure to Mormon culture was stumbling across a Mormon museum out in Albany, NY and that one South Park Episode.
All of that is to say that I don't know too much about the culture, so I was appreciative that my book helped clarify some misconceptions and biased viewings that Doyle sadly indulged in here. For what little Doyle got right, he got a lot wrong, with a lot of it seemingly being the result of fear mongering and disgust. It's kind of uncomfortable, seeing Doyle villianize an actual religion and community and portraying them as a murderous cult with a secret hit squad essentially.
It's weird, and it definitely sheds a light on why I've never seen a straight adaption of this story.
Still, we get a fascinating tragic love story. The murderer was an American cowboy simply avenging his dearly beloved, a young girl adopted by the Mormon community along with her own adoptive dad. She and her father intended to leave the community, but the Motmon Elder was having none of it, intending to marry her off to another Mormon member. After the girl and her father were murdered by the earlier murder victims of this story in retaliation, the cowboy set off on a trail of vengeance that would stretch on for decades, until the stars finally aligned for him to go in for the kills. And once he explains his side of the story to Holmes and the police, he dies of an aneurysm.
The next day, the papers credit the police for cracking the case, leaving Watson determined to set the record straight much to Holmes' bemusement.
And with that, our mystery comes to an end.
I walked away from the story feeling bowled over by the sheer scope of it all. What started off as a classic Holmes mystery, evolved into a western epic full of love, betrayal, death and... Killer Mormons.
It should probably be a testament to Doyle's immense skill as a storyteller that the deeply flawed second section was as compelling as it was. It's flawed view of Mormon culture definitely didn't help it, and one wonders if it were replaced with a generic commune/cult, it would have been the better for it. It certainly was interesting regardless, but perhaps my own love of western movies helped.
It was great to finally see Sherlock's "science of deduction" methodology in play, and it's as amazing as I've heard.
I also came away from the novel better appreciating what Doyle brought to the detective genre, and even Sherlock as a whole!
To those who have seen media based on Sherlock, and loved it, I implore you to check out the novels. At least then I'll have someone to talk about this crazy book with, heh.
Can't wait to read "The Sign of Four" next!

https://www.wtsglobal.com/public_html/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/Envy-Extreme-Vio.pdf
Crossposting audience: The bad news is there does not seem to be a cure for envy. This is congruent with the recidivism statistics of maladapted/antisocial behavior in narcissists, without which narcissism and those with NPD would not be so socially undesirable. However, there are clear signs that the circuitry of envy is noticeably different than the circuitry of admiration, and that jealousy pathways are similar to addiction and expectation of reward pathways. A neuroeconomic analysis of "I won't win this one without illegal/unethical leveling" may be occurring in the envious, showing there may be insight that could resolve what has been until this point and unresolvable emotion full of frustration and pain at the perceived inferiority these individuals suffer. It is important to study and resolve this to help protect their victims from violence, psychological, and economic abuse, theft, hostage-taking of what is critical to the envied person, and unreasonable dislike that turns into hate crime on a whim. Victims deserve protection (the envious say the opposite) and so we research. Follow this subreddit for the first research-backed subreddit on envy.
Intense envy is associated with shame, depression, inferiority, isolation, anxiety, paranoia, and even violent criminal behavior.
Envy is an emotion capable of producing distorted perceptions and cognitions. Intense envy is associated with adverse states such as shame, depression, inferiority, isolation, anxiety, paranoia, and even violent criminal behavior.
The envious can become violent when they want to destroy goodness as perceived advantage, especially if they do not feel they possess goodness
There may come a point at which the envious person's goal is to harm the other's ability to enjoy the perceived advantages—the wish to destroy goodness as formulated by Melanie Klein.
Obliterative envy is the violent instantiation of envy focusing on a desire to obliterate what is perceived as an unjust, intolerable reality
The psychodynamics are discussed by which destructive envy produces or enhances a persecutory mindset and desire for revenge so powerful that lethal violence is chosen as an option. The concepts of obliterative envy and pseudo-spiritual transformation are introduced, and forensic case examples are used to demonstrate how envy produces persecutory cognitions and facilitates the desire to “obliterate” what is perceived as an unjust, intolerable reality.
Increased projection of the malicious or terrorist impulse is the sign of an escalation in the violent envious person’s ability to commit violence. As they grow more out of control in this respect, the more likely they are to actually engage in these actions.
The false logic of envy convinces the individual that they have an unfavorable and immutable disadvantage—thus, the other appears enhanced while the individual feels diminished. This depressing, humiliating position generates resentment toward the other. Depending upon developmental experience and other psychosocial factors, the individual with envy may increasingly use projection, projective identification, and experience persecutory thoughts.
The envious other wants to harm or destroy the other’s ability to enjoy these perceived advantages
There may come a point at which the envious person's goal is to harm or destroy the other's ability to enjoy the perceived advantages.
A bizarre scenario is witnessed where someone sacrifices their own life from spite to hurt the envied
. In some cases, extremely envious individuals are willing to spitefully sacrifice their own lives in an act of violence. The act may be felt as revenge for some perceived or actual injustice, but the driving emotion is intolerable envy, consciously recognized by the attacker or not.
We conclude by reviewing the challenges of detecting severe envy and preoccupation with lethality in treatment and in non-treatment settings where threat assessment protocols may be applied.
Obliterative envy is the state of mind arising from overwhelming narcissistic rage and resentment
. Obliterative envy is the state of mind arising from overwhelming narcissistic rage and resentment, leading the individual to destroy the envied other, and simultaneously himself, to negate the detested situation in its entirety. Pseudo-spiritual transformation is the state of mind by which the perpetrator's personal grievance is justified and elevated to the level of a spiritual or religious imperative.
Proximal warning signs are pathway, fixation, identification, novel aggression, energy burst, leakage, last resort, and directly communicated threat
The TRAP-18 consists of 8 proximal warning behaviors—pathway, fixation, identification, novel aggression, energy burst, leakage, last resort, and directly communicated threat—and 10 distal characteristics—
10 distal characteristics are found, however odd patterns shown in intelligence of purposefully creating these conditions should be noted for terroristic envy from the inside themselves
personal grievance and moral outrage, framed by an ideology, failure to affiliate with an extremist or other group, dependence on the virtual community, thwarting of occupational goals, changes in thinking and emotion, failure of sexually intimate pair bonding, mental disorder, greater creativity and innovation, and history of criminal violence.
Acknowledging envy declares one’s inferiority which causes shame
To acknowledge envy is to declare one's felt inferiority, which in turn triggers additional feelings of shame (Ronningstam, 2005).
Enviers can be seen in both ideation of crime and premeditated crime experience a fierce kind of sadistic pleasure when contemplating violence toward the envied
Among all the so-called seven deadly sins (pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath, sloth), Milic (2019) argues that envy produces nothing but mental anguish and is devoid of even an initial burst of pleasure or immediate gratification. We would suggest that envy may hold within it both masochistic pleasure, and well as a fierce kind of sadistic pleasure when contemplating violence toward the envied.
Painful and resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage can be seen
Confusion of terms has long been the case where envy and jealousy are concerned; examples abound. For instance, “I am jealous of her good looks,” is more accurately an admission of envy. Envy, in its simplest form, is defined in the dictionary as a “painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another, joined with a desire to possess the same advantage” (Merriam-Webster.com, 2021).
Romantic jealousy is fear of loss of mate and mate retention behaviors, and envy is seen as someone threatening to take away advantage personally
Romantic jealousy has been found to be positively correlated with feelings of insecurity, low self-esteem, and mate retention behaviors (Chin et al., 2017). Whereas in envy, advantage is perceived as belonging to the other; in jealousy, a rival is seen as threatening to take away the advantage (Anderson, 2002).
Narcissistic injury too unbearable to tolerate causes violence. A poisoning quality is specific to the violently envious
In the case of both tension states, it is a matter of degree—how much does the negative comparison lead the sufferer to experience painful feelings of inferiority and shame that result in a narcissistic injury too unbearable to tolerate? Is there the potential for narcissistic rage in its various manifestations, including violence? As the UK advice columnist Irma Kurtz wrote, “jealousy fights duels, envy poisons the soup (Kurtz, 1987).” Table 1 lists the comparative characteristics of envy and jealousy.
Insatiability, and excessive willingness to even take out themselves and their own security, even if it be financial, to take out the person they are envious of can be seen in the violently envious person. They are competitive and will do anything to stop being thrown into relief as less advantaged with the envied person.
Moreover, envy is historically and consistently referred to as hidden and insidious (Epstein, 2003; Minou, 2017). Envy may often be denied because of its implication of inferiority, unwarranted malicious temptation in the envier, and especially its potential for destructiveness. Envy increases within the sufferer the likelihood of developing depression, lowers resilience, and destabilizes self-esteem (Xiang et al., 2020). Those laboring under strong envy are insatiable, competitive, and may be willing to sacrifice their own outcomes to diminish the envied person's perceived advantage (Smith & Kim, 2007
As a result, people report greater feelings of envy and inadequacy.
Passively browsing Facebook apparently incites lots of envy in the envy prone who may try to destroy or at least erase the presence of the one who makes them feel that much envy. Out of sight, out of mind for the envier is desired for and they try to make it a reality
Even passively browsing Facebook can lead to negative social comparison, envy, social isolation and a significantly impaired sense of life satisfaction (Morawska, 2019). Younger persons who spend more time on social media are more susceptible to these effects than older persons.
Consumed with envy and shame (violence most likely) becomes over time guilt-ridden and self-punishing as they continue to avoid feelings of narcissistic inaccessibility, aka, being reminded of what they can’t or don’t have.
Klein first theorized that mature development required transition from the persecutory position (consumed with envy and shame) to the depressive position (guilt-ridden and self-punishing) in order to avoid feelings of victimization and narcissistic inaccessibility (Klein, 1975).
Envy can be a driving emotion in some who go on to commit acts of extreme violence
Those with strong paranoid and narcissistic traits have been observed to suffer from a desire to destroy the goodness they perceive they have been unjustly denied. Such individuals seek to destroy the other's ability to enjoy the whole object pleasures of love or achievement (Zizek, 2008). Envy can be a primary driving emotion in some who go on to commit acts of extreme violence (Hyatt-Williams, 1998; Knoll, 2010a, 2010b).
Narcissism starts to distort senses of justice in envy. The “justice sense” suddenly becomes distorted and no longer justice in the envious instantiation.
Other main themes associated with envy in the psychological literature involve the envious person's perception of fairness and justice, narcissism, hostility, and grudge holding (Anderson, 2002; Milic, 2019; Nauta, 2009).
Entitlement is part of envy; the envious feel that they are withholding the goodness or justice of things like “having sex with the girls in the hottest sorority”. Externalization, projection and projective identification can be seen. These individuals show impaired ability for sympathy, empathy, regret, reconciliation or gratitude which all require an ability to see someone else as human who may feel things like they do, aka, an increased disposition to commodify agents is seen.
In the P-S position, the individual's worldview is based on feelings of mistreatment and frustration at what is perceived as intentional harm, injustice, or purposeful withholding of advantages. The P-S position is associated with the use of maladaptive defense mechanisms such as splitting, externalization, projection, and projective identification. Such individuals will have an impaired capacity for sympathy, empathy, regret, reconciliation or gratitude—emotions that necessitate an ability to represent others in one's mind as whole, real, and meaningful individuals. Via projection and projective identification (an incomplete projection wherein the projected content continues to threaten the self), such individuals perceive others as actively persecuting them by withholding the goodness, justice, or fairness to which they feel rightfully entitled (Grotstein, 1981)
Not getting what they feel entitled to is a profoundly depressing and humiliating experience for those who have an excessive predisposition to commodify and then feel entitled to things that should not have ever been commodified
As a result of their perception of intolerable injustice, some may become overwhelmed with a sense of loss that cannot be mourned (Feldman & De Paola, 1994). Grief is subsumed by personal grievance. There is then the potential for hostile revenge fantasies, followed by an unwillingness to forsake a martyrdom fantasy of ultimate and final revenge. Envy may defy common sense, yet its logic can be understood. Envious persons see the object of envy as big or advantaged, while they feel small and disadvantaged. This is a profoundly depressing and humiliating experience for the envious who are left harboring resentment and injustice, emotions which are often a product of depleted omnipotent fantasies (Anderson, 2002).
Defense of projection may hypertrophy to distort their perceptions of others as greedy, spiteful, and intentionally persecutory–aka, someone very rich may start projecting on others as greedy to project off the shame they feel for greed. Or, someone who is antisemitic with lots of wealth may suddenly become fixated on Jews to relieve themselves of the guilt they feel for not helping people.
They may come to experience—whether acknowledged as compensatory or not—a “malicious glee” (schadenfreude) over other's misfortune, which can develop into an addictive like pursuit of sadistic joy over others' sorrows. Their defense of projection may hypertrophy to distort their perceptions of others as greedy, spiteful and intentionally persecutory
Social pain over a perceived failure to meet some internalized level of value is seen
in contrast to the dynamic of a negative comparison defining envy, shame is “a painful feeling of an interrupted sense of joy, relationship, status, or pride, because of exposure of one's failure to meet standards or ideals” (p. 37). The key phrase here is not meeting “standards,” which suggests social pain over a perceived failure to meet some internalized level of value. S
Shame for feeling hate then leads to self-hate, and this suffering sees no relief until they decide to commit extreme violence
A vicious cycle may ensue, in which the envier is ashamed of feeling hateful, and then hates himself for feeling such negative emotions—which make him further aware of his inadequacy. In actuality, we suggest that these powerful negative emotions—shame, envy, hatred of others and hatred of self—are so interrelated that they may all be in play in the sufferer who chooses extreme violence.
Irrational suicidal behavior often called a “psychic death” can be found on people with extreme narcissistic injury and envy.
Gilligan's interpretations may not explain all instances of extreme violence, but they are consistent with what we call the obliterative mindset. The perpetrator has lost the capacity for undistorted judgment and to sublimate aggression. The “self” is already dead. He is now ready to override the survival instinct and fully embrace a drive toward death (Anderson, 2006).
A deep sense of victimizations promotes a righteous vengeance that then aggressively devalues the other to promote the self, as they do not feel like they will compare organically without aggressively manufacturing the devaluation of the other
. In the distorted logic of severe envy, a deep sense of victimization allows martyrdom and/or righteous vengeance to devalue the other and promote the self to heroic status.
The envious person decides he is going to show the world his true self, which in the end is nothing but another terrorist, one of many people who did nothing with their lives but just kill other people out of rage, envy and entitlement
Intolerable conditions and even the imperfect self are wiped clean, leaving only the perpetrator's final judgment, which is not open to appeal. The violent extremist warped by severe envy is drawn to a statement of self-affirmation to counteract overwhelming shame. By obliterating the unacceptable reality, his sacrifice seems worthwhile to him to re-establish his sense of self. Or as the violent perpetrator Elliot Rodger wrote: “Finally, at long last, I can show the world my true worth” (E.R. Manifesto, 2014). The paradox, however, is compelling: obliterating the actual self to realize just before death the perfect and omnipotent self.
Around the time of extremism, rigidity can be seen and is palpable on the one engaged in covert or overt acts
. Beliefs in the superiority of one's cause become rigidly fixed and overvalued (Rahman et al., 2019).
Extreme imbalances of what is given from what is taken is a clear signs of extreme envy, suggesting economic abuse is motivated by envy in many cases
: “Everything is gone. What I own is just gonna be a pittance compared to what I am going to take.” The distorted logic of severe envy can be seen at play in MH's statement: “It's a kind of a community that in order for you to get ahead, you have to keep the neighbor down. It's not…you know, building yourself up on your own merit, it's tear the other guy down.” There is no ambivalence or relativity at this point for MH. His world is split into only those who are building up and those who are tearing down. Deep in his persecutory position, MH gives about as clear an explanation, in our opinion, of the logic of violent, destructive envy as can be found in such cases:
Genocidal obliteration is seen on those so envious they become violent
. When I do this, that levels the playing field in my favor, so now we've got a lopsided playing field because when I come back at you, I'm gonna destroy your side of the playing field
Addicted to revenge, they make patently unreasonable decisions
Various townspeople interviewed in the documentary note how MH had been given numerous financially appealing options, including an offer of six times what he paid for his land. The object of MH's envy was his perception of the success of several businessmen whose family had lived in the town for generations. Offers to provide MH with a financially advantageous resolution held no sway since he was fully in the grip of an obliterative mindset. Or, as the town news editor stated, “He had a way out. He had a way out to make some good money and, and go on about his life, but he chose that path for whatever reason.” Instead, he narrowed his focus and proceeded according to the dictates of violent envy and revenge.
Peacefulness after extreme painful turbulence is a tell-tale sign of premeditated homicidal action in the envious
Tied to these signs of PST is MH's statement that “a peace came over me…,” perhaps describing an almost spiritual feeling of relief after having finally resigned himself to die. Such descriptions of emotional reprieve have been associated with anticipatory and relief-oriented permissive beliefs in suicidal crises (Del-Monte & Graziani, 2020). Perpetrators of mass murder and other forms of targeted homicide-suicide have similarly described a state of peacefulness and relief that arises once they have come to terms with their own death as not only inevitable and acceptable, but planned, either by their own hand or as a “suicide-bycop.”
“I wasn’t supposed to caught”; an exceptionalism is seen on the violently envious
ambivalence. MH proceeds to strengthen and amplify his violent intent via a combination of PST and teleological thinking: “I wasn't supposed to get caught! God built me to be here to prove to you that what you have been doing for God knows how many years is wrong.”
Resolving the crisis would be an intolerable sign of weakness and inferiority (Gilligan & Richards, 2021).
This statement suggests his intensifying envy, often apparent in pathologically narcissistic states and traits (Kernberg, 1992). What MH deserves is beyond question, and now God expects him to harm the objects of his envy. The conviction of transcendent moral and spiritual righteousness is a common justification for violent lashing out by those in the persecutory position. Resolving the crisis nonviolently would require more psychological degrees of freedom and capacity for gratitude and empathy than MH possessed. To him it would be an intolerable sign of weakness and inferiority (Gilligan & Richards, 2021).
When people are happy an aggressive raging need to ruin it is seen on the envious
As poetically described by Gilligan and Richards (2021), the most direct, immediate and literal way to wipe tormentors' mocking smiles from their faces is to make them weep through violence.
Fixation is a huge sign of extreme envy and ability to commit envy-based violence
MH's PST would be associated with the TRAP-18 (Meloy, 2017) distal characteristic of Changes in Thinking and Emotion. These changes are often complex, and appear to occur in three domains: interpersonal relations become more limited and isolation increases; there is evidence of fantasy that is both grandiose and violent (often leaked through social media); and emotions shift from just anger, to also contempt and disgust for the target. We also see continued TRAP-18 evidence of the proximal warning behavior of Fixation, in this case motivated by extreme overvalued beliefs (Meloy & Rahman, 2020). Fixation, a preoccupation with a person or a cause that is accompanied by deterioration in work and love, is often the first proximal warning behavior to appear in a case of targeted violence (Meloy et al., 2021).
Last resort behavior can be seen when they think they were never going to get caught, a desperate attempt to commit violent envious action to secure the envied’s punishment for making them feel envy
Last Resort proximal warning behavior is defined as a violent action and time imperative: the person must act, and he must act now. Such warning behavior is often precipitated by a triggering event—often a loss in love or work--or one that is anticipated, and is sometimes accompanied by feelings of desperation or distress (Meloy, 2017).
Envy that powerful pushes them into the obliterative mindset, where violence occurs
Such intense devaluation of the desired object suggests envy powerful enough to push him into the obliterative mindset.
ER repeatedly used the word “envy” to describe his misery.
ER repeatedly used the word “envy” to describe his misery. He understood the difference between envy and jealousy, which he also experienced at an early age when there would be a third boy on playdates with his best friend (E.R. Manifesto, 2014).
He shows that the desire to torture is motivated by envy, showing that envy is indeed a product of envy and with it its links to narcissism
ER went to a Starbucks coffee shop there, where he became “livid with envious hatred” upon seeing a couple kissing. He proceeded to throw his coffee on them. What he actually fantasized doing was to “kill them slowly… strip the skins off their flesh.” The sight of a couple enjoying themselves brought out sadistic urges to destroy them, but not before torturing them by removing the very organ they would use to enjoy each other—their skin.
Entitlement is also linked to the torture as envy milieu saying “if I cannot have it, I will destroy it”. That is extreme entitlement
Just as MH described the true nature of destructive envy so well, so does ER, with jarring precision: “If I cannot have it, I will destroy it.
A hatred for someone from a younger generation enjoying things they didn’t can be seen in the envious
That was the day that I decided I would have to kill him on the Day of Retribution. I will not allow the boy to surpass me at everything, to live the life I've always wanted. It's not fair that he has the chance to have a pleasurable life while I've been denied it. It will be a hard thing to do, because I had really bonded with my little brother in the last year, and he respected and looked up to me. But I would have to do it. If I can't live a pleasurable life, then neither will he!
Fixation and pathological preoccupation followed by deterioration is seen on those who are capable of and/or commit envious violent action
The ER case is rife with examples of the proximal warning behavior of Fixation on the TRAP-18: “an increasingly pathological preoccupation with a person or a cause, accompanied by a deterioration in social and occupational life” (Meloy, 2017)
Envy based torture premeditation and enaction is seen on those envious who fit the description for TRAP-18
When ER saw the couple kissing at Starbucks he also wanted to kill them, “slowly.” What he actually did was throw coffee on them (and, incidentally, at great risk of physical retaliation). Such a behavior is an example of the proximal warning behavior on the TRAP-18 of Novel Aggression: “an act of violence that appears unrelated to any targeted violence pathway and is committed for the first time” (Meloy et al., 2012), and is done to test one's violent capability.
Acute narcissistic injury can trigger a suicidal crisis
An acute narcissistic injury in the patient's life could trigger a suicidal crisis in the absence of a depressed state. Ronningstam (2005) discussed the various meanings of suicidality in narcissistic patients, among them, an illusion of control and mastery (as well as preserving the perfect self), a shield against anticipated narcissistic injuries (death before dishonor), and an act of revenge: an individual may commit suicide to spite someone else.
Even envious hatred for therapists can be found, with therapists witnessing boredom with the sessions and withdrawing from direct engagement. This suggests extreme dispositional envy.
. He may pronounce boredom with the sessions or withdraw from direct engagement; his envious hatred may be hidden underneath an attitude of indifference. Alternatively, he may attempt to compete with the therapist, claiming superior knowledge or understanding (Abraham, 1927)
Envious individuals suffer from an encapsulated murderous aspect of their personalities
…most envious individuals suffer from an encapsulated murderous aspect of their personalities. If this concealed enclave is suddenly detonated by external circumstances, homicidal or suicidal violence can erupt.
Envious people see the world as zero-sum and try to reinforce back to zero-sum when people prove it is not inherently zero-sum. They will aggressively try to renormalize it back to where their envy seems less pathological and distorted.
In the zero-sum game of envy, there is a myth that if someone has something good, the other person is diminished. A major goal of therapy is to help patients see that self-esteem is not dependent on what someone else has and that their accomplishments are not connected to those of others. The therapist works to interpret to the patient that his zero-sum view undermines the chance in his life that he and others can simultaneously feel successful and gratified (pp. 128–129).
Envy influences the subject’s violent motives
s. Understanding the powerful psychodynamics of severe envy, the obliterative mindset and pseudo-spiritual transformation, contribute to the knowledge base for threat assessment practice. Threat assessment clinicians on these teams may identify the signs of envy, often subtle or revealed indirectly, and its influence on a subject's violent motives.
Desire for revenge becomes so powerful they commit revenge-based homicide or attempt it, and may even sacrifice their own lives and careers just because of the burning narcissistic envy
When the desire for revenge is powerful enough, such individuals may conclude an act of lethal violence is wholly necessary and the only logical remedy, even if it means sacrificing their own lives.
This act of extreme violence risks the lives of both self and other while providing a relatively brief period of shelter from intense narcissistic injury.
Obliterative envy describes the process by which envy, and its related mental and emotional states, are negated through an act of extreme violence. This act of extreme violence risks the lives of both self and other while providing a relatively brief period of shelter from intense narcissistic injury. Pseudo-spiritual transformation is the perpetrator's belief that violent revenge, in response to a personal grievance, is being guided and sanctified by some transcendent power, usually of personal religious significance.

I (transdude but not opposed to being called nonbinary 21) want to know if anybody here who’s been on T for a while and/or had procedures done, have had any actual regrets about taking those steps?
My parents keep bringing up detransitioning and I’m getting really tired of constantly having to repeat that yeah I’m STILL trans nothings changed since when I first came out, to them, when I was idk 13/14 🙄 (some more context: I was on T for a year then stopped cuz of my finances) I’m completely aware that when I’m idk 35 I might be like damn I wish I hadn’t done this but as I exist now, this is what’s best for me. I’ve read through posts on actual_detrans and while some of the posts resonate. They always tend to lose me cuz I just don’t feel that way. I don’t have a bad relationship with femininity, I just see myself as a fem guy, maybe not even that I really just wanna be like a sparkly ball of slime. I don’t feel as though I struggle with internalized misogyny, and if I did I already dealt with that arc and that’s why I’m okay with doing “fem” things. (I might be autistic so I never really grasped the concept of defining things as masc or fem ex. pink isn’t “for girls” it’s just pink. It’s a color 🤷🏽‍♂️)
I don’t feel like a woman trapped by misogyny, forced to transition cuz I’m not taken seriously. I’ve never really had any issues of misogyny (probably cuz I live in a very white area and I’m black so any dudes who would’ve been creepy to me, weren’t cuz ew a clearly queeneurodivergent in some way black “girl” lol)
I don’t find joy in the idea of being seen as a masculine woman, I want people to look at me and be identified as a male. I just also like being fashionable (god forbid a man is a lil dandy 🙄) I guess if I had to chose an example of they type of man I wanna be I’d pick Klaus from the umbrella academy. I know Klaus is nonbinary but he still he’s a good pick as a fellow he/they pan lol. You could look at him and be like yeah that’s a MAN but there’s an androgyny (to me) abt him that fits me? Idk I just feel best when I feel like a fruity lil guy, and that’s how I see myself.
When I was on T the changes I saw made me actually feel hot for once and I could actually accept that people could find me attractive cuz I finally did! I was happy abt my tdick and all the other changes, some stuff made me feel weird like weight redistribution but then I realized I was just feeling insecure due to societal norms and the feeling went away.
Anytime I have thought of detransitioning it’s been to get my folks to leave me alone abt it or because I felt that; well because I’ll never feel cis or that I could never love a man the way a cis man does with all the gore and guts that comes with it, yknow like, as it stands I will always be comfortable holding hands with a guy in public. My first thought would never be “I’m not allowed to do this”. So what’s the point of transitioning or idk I feel like I’m missing out on a “gay guy experience” according to me. I want the experience of realizing oh fuck I’m gay and the gay panic of being in a locker room. Shows like heartstopper make me jealous yknow?
But for me the way I see it and feel abt it personally I’m just a new invention, a new type of man. Not better or worse, just new. lol maybe that’s why I like Mr. Roboto by Styx so much. So I’m learning to cope with those feelings so it doesn’t feel like I’ll regret this, I know realistically there is someone out there who could see me for me and like it. It’s just hard right now.
This turned into a vent I guess oops, sorry for the format as well, I’m on mobile :p

So I got accepted in my college I had good grades up until last semester of senior year (this year). And I have already got accepted and I'm even able to choose my classes for college. But unfortunately this year has been a huge low very low, my father who I was really close to and always asked him for guidance and help with school or emotional stuff passed away from a surgery accident. Ever since then it just has been a really steep slope of just despair. I've already had depression and it just got worse over the months of him gone, stress from school and just no support or really having anyone I can trust to talk about these things anc it's always a struggle just to get up and live. having adhd on top of this just makes things worse. I don't want to create a sob story but basically I might not pas like 2 classes so I won't be able to graduate with everyone else which is fine but my main question is if I need to make up the 2 credits during summer school am I still able to go to college the next year? Even if I have already been accepted, or do I need to wait till next year? Help out!

Seriously, thanks to the devs who are giving us content when regular retail feels like there’s nothing new to do.
Sure I missed out on frog farming, and I am getting one shot at level 70. I may not have min maxed or have been the most productive, but I have had one thing: a feeling of excitement to get back on and play for a bit.
I think everyone wants everything right away and I get it, we’re all getting older and taking on more responsibilities. We (or at least I) don’t have the time we used to where we were playing 5-10 hours a day and grinding.
I will say this is the first time in a while I’ve had the nostalgia of wanting to get out of chores so I could get back to the grind. I feel like I sound like a blizzard plant when I say to give them some grace, but please remember that this is not a ranked game mode, but rather something to keep people engaged and provide an alternative experience while also saving a large amount of time to have an easy way to farm transmogs and mounts that some people have been farming for years.
Thanks Blizzard for seemingly putting in some effort to keep people engaged and entertained. Especially thanks to the devs who are constantly criticized, yet put in plenty of hours of work just for someone to get mad that you forgot one minor detail.

Sup guys, I've been riding the rollercoaster of solo queue in competitive modes and wanted to share my journey. But more importantly, I'd love to hear about your experiences. So, let's done in!
I started playing this game back in December 2023 with my buddies from another game. We were always laughing, learning new tricks, and just having a blast. But as time went on, some of them drifted away due to personal reasons or because the game became a bit boring due to cheaters and lack of content.
Despite all that, I keep playing the game because I genuinely enjoyed it. I have fond memories of getting skins as gifts, friendly insulting each other on discord , teaching insta smokes, sharing reels or TikToks about the game in our Whatsapp group, and just having fun whether we won or lost. But now that my buddies are gone, I've been navigating the "solo Q" waters and it's been a bit of a rough ride. It takes a bit longer to find matches in Premier or Competitive, and I've even ended up in matches with cheaters on my team who nobody kicks out.
There are also people who speak different languages, and matches can get boring because sometimes nobody talks or greets each other. Of course, you don't have to talk if you don't want to, but at least give some info or drop a gun/nade if someone asks for it. They play without saying anything or giving any info about enemies, they're just silent the whole time. I usually have to be the one to break the ice so they play with more confidence (it happens that I have the 10-year medal and some people think that because I have an old account, I'm very skilled when in reality I have less than 500 hours lol, I never played CSGO). There are also trolls who run where I throw molotovs so the game auto-kicks me for friendly fire. In short, the odds of winning matches in "solo Q" are 50/50, while with my ex group of 5 we almost always won (With the exception of matches against legit cheaters).
Now I'm back to playing with another group of 5-10 guys. I don't trust them as much because they're not a constant group, but we have a good time, laugh a lot, come up with clever tactics, and almost always win or at worst, draw, we all are from the same country. But essentially, it's all about having a good time, everyone is friendly. I ended up thinking that even "Casual" mode is more fun than playing without a group of 5 or 4 in Competitive/Premier. Anyway, that's been my experience in soloQ let's hear about yours.