I know i might be the asshole in this, but i need someone else's opinion without having to ask my family. I apologise in advance for any kind of gramatical mistakes, english is not my first language
I have been dating my boyfriend for a few years now, and everything is relatively nice, except the fact that we don't actually speak really often. However, last month i started developping a crush on my best friend, and i talked about it with my partner (i am PolyA, and he knows that since we started dating). However, he is against me dating anyone else, and i completely understand and respect that. So i thought about getting over this little crush to continue my relationship with my boyfriend as it is.
However, no matter how much i try, i cannot help it. My best friend keep saying things even my boyfriend never told me, and i cannot help but keep thinking of holding his hand or kissing him. I just want to tell him i love him, and no matter how much i keep ignoring these thoughts, they are still here and affecting my life. I've been thinking of breaking up with my boyfriend for a few days now, he didn't do anything wrong, but i simply think he deserves better than me. I know this will not just be a little crush that will pass after a moment. It doesn't feel like it. And i do not want my partner to suffer because i am falling more and more in love with my best friend each days.
I feel like it's the right thing to do, and even if i hate to admit it, i often feel like i might even love my best friend more than i currently love my partner. I had a lot in commun with him when we started dating, but it doesn't exactly feel the same now. We only have a couple things in commun at this point, and never exactly have anything to talk about. I do not want him to stay in a relationship like that, even if it will hurt him once i break up with him, i think it would be better for him on the long run.
So, would i be the asshole if i break up with my boyfriend because of my feelings for someone else ?

I wanted to post an update in this sub since I had posted here for support a few times.
My dad lost his battle two weeks ago today on May 5th.
He was diagnosed 3 years ago. Underwent 2 resections, one just after diagnosis and one in March of 2023.
It’s still hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that he’s gone.
I got married in September of last year, and he was still able to walk me down the aisle. By the end of October he was no communicative. In November he was completely bed ridden.
My mother elected to put him on a feeding tube in November at the suggestion of his doctors. They suggested it would be a temporary way to give him some energy to see if swelling was what was causing him to not be able to talk / move.
He ended up staying on the feeding tube until she elected to remove it 3 weeks ago. It took a little over a week for him to pass once the feeding tube was removed and he moved to hospice. Feeding tube was removed Thursday night, and he passed away on Sunday a week later.
It’s incredibly difficult. I was 8 months pregnant when he passed. I wasn’t able to travel for the funeral due to the high risk nature of my pregnancy. Doctor strongly advised against making the 8 hour drive. I ended up being induced the day after his funeral. Every now and then when I look at my baby I can’t help but cry over the grandfather she’ll never meet. I can’t help but wonder what he would say about her.
Even though he hasn’t been able to communicate since November, his passing has left an unfathomable sense of loss. I am glad he is no longer suffering. But I miss him very much. Tomorrow would be his 56th birthday.
To all of you still fighting, I wish you all the best. This disease is terrible. If I had any advice on how to comfort loved ones I might suggest writing a letter / doing a video to speak with them before it’s too late. My dad’s lack of communication honestly came out of nowhere. It could offer some source of comfort for loved ones. To all caregivers my thoughts are with you. I can’t imagine a more terrible disease.

Apologies for the long write-up. TL;DR at the end. Some spoilers.
Just picked up the game again recently after never having completed the MQ before, and I just don’t get the railroad:
I’ve completed a playthrough since. On a new one now, and I cannot get behind the RR. I’ve seen a lot of debates on this and wanted to share my 2 cents and get feedback. Trying to mainly focus on the RR here. Here goes:
1.) My first introduction to them felt overly-hostile. Even more so than any other faction. I understand their secretiveness is paramount for them. But even though I follow their trail, discover their oh-so-secret password, and walk in, they’re immediately all “Wtf are you doing here?” Oh and also “Agree with our message (that, for me, was not aforementioned anywhere) or gtfo (or die).” Seemed over the top for a group of hobos who I could wipe out by sneezing—especially when they’re the ones sending out invites. You learn that not even all members see directly eye-to-eye with Des, but it’s an ultimatum for the player?? Even when they learn that the SS is invaluable to them, possibly even their saving grace as they haven’t done diddly without us, it’s nothing but ultimatums. (This is more an overarching problem of all factions, but still more than others imo)
2.) They should NOT be a main faction. There seems to be a gray area of the real “goal” of the main quest: the Future of the Commonwealth or the Future of the Synths. I look at it this way:
The SS’s life is in our hands. Roleplay is up to the player ultimately, so do as you please. But the game will narrow down to who has the most control in the end. And the RR is NOT a reasonable choice outside of rp’ing. Reason being that they clearly don’t care. Not about humans, not about clean water, not about quelling the violence spreading through the commonwealth. They want and should have zero control over the area. So, in the scheme of who has control, WHY are they an option?? Should’ve been a subfaction at most. Their progression doesn’t make much sense, either. They show themselves to be incompetent strength-wise at most times, then boom. They have enough firepower to take out everyone else full-force. Didn’t feel like they really built up the strength (especially bc of Bethesda making you do all the work for whatever group you join). They feel rushed. I commend the allusion to the actual Underground Railroad, but it’s a slap in the face to its realism. They are not even remotely the same there, so I can’t compare their rationales either.
3.) Prioritization of Synthetic life over Actual life. I know we all have our own opinions of Synth=Human, but objectively, they are not. Their memories, personality, and affinities are forged on a computer. They are not born the same, raised the same, or functioning the same. The body may be the exact same as humans for Gen3, but their “lives” are an illusion (when they are “born” anyways. They show examples of them forging their own path afterwards, but again, their reasoning begins from lies), and they don’t have all the same needs. Objectively, the RR is no better than the Institute in the aspect of playing God. The hypocrite, DiMA, does make a valid point in this—broken clock is right twice a day, right? Anyways, it is a noble cause to believe all conscious life shouldn’t be enslaved (or any life for that matter), but what’s better when you only have two choices?
A) To create/foster fake lives, mind-wiped or not, and hope they fit in at the party (while ignoring the potential consequences)?
Or
B) To force/help make the partygoers more agreeable/inclusive? (Basically the other factions, but they have other problems/agendas too)
Also there’s the fact that a non-wiped synth is sent into a crappy world that their liberators are doing nothing to improve, and wiped synths get the same but live a fake life that would crumble if they knew the truth. And their liberators know this, so they don’t tell them. The RR is perpetuating the institute problem in doing this (minus the planned killing). No sentient being should be living lies constructed by others. And I understand that the mind-wipe(essentially assisted suicide) is optional, but at that point, they are still only perpetuating the synth problem of the institute. If the synth wants to die, just kill them. Don’t put more synths out there to suffer just hoping it turns out okay.
Would love to hear other’s thoughts as I haven’t seen my exact opinion reciprocated yet.
TL;DR
The Railroad is hard to get behind (FOR ME) because:
1) Overly-ideological and give many ultimatums even though their not in a position to. 2) They are too narrow-minded to be a main faction. 3)They perpetuate the Institute problem.

This is a weekly reminder post of this sub's stance on potential copyright infringement. This is a serious issue that needs to be kept in mind when creating and listing NFTs.
Original post by u/HurleyBird1
Quick disclaimer: I AM NOT A LAWYER. THIS IS NOT LEGAL ADVICE - THIS IS SIMPLY INFORMATION WITH WHICH TO EDUCATE YOURSELVES AND PREPARE YOURSELF FOR LEGAL ADVICE FROM A LICENSED SOURCE.
Now that that's out of the way. My credentials are: MBA, with a bit of business law classes under my belt.
I want to give a quick explanation of how copyright works - and I'll do so through quick blurbs n some myth/reality bullets.
Source: copyright.gov (US)

1. Subject matter of copyright: In general28(a) Copyright protection subsists, in accordance with this title, in original works of authorship fixed in any tangible medium of expression, now known or later developed, from which they can be perceived, reproduced, or otherwise communicated, either directly or with the aid of a machine or device. Works of authorship include the following categories:(1) literary works;(2) musical works, including any accompanying words;(3) dramatic works, including any accompanying music;(4) pantomimes and choreographic works;(5) pictorial, graphic, and sculptural works;(6) motion pictures and other audiovisual works;(7) sound recordings; and(8) architectural works.(b) In no case does copyright protection for an original work of authorship extend to any idea, procedure, process, system, method of operation, concept, principle, or discovery, regardless of the form in which it is described, explained, illustrated, or embodied in such work.

- Myth: I can use any image/song/video/writing I want.
- Reality: No. Not true at all.
- Myth: Well they never said it's copyrighted.
- Reality: Upon publication (and even while a work in progress) a work is automatically protected via copyright under US Law.
- Myth: Well they never sold it.
- Reality: It doesn't have to be commercialized to be protected.
- Myth: Well it was a long time ago
- Reality: Possibly true...as long as the creator is deceased (or if multiple creators, the last living one is deceased) and the required time has passed...although this gets tricky with "estates."
(d) Duration of Rights.—(1) With respect to works of visual art created on or after the effective date set forth in section 610(a) of the Visual Artists Rights Act of 1990, the rights conferred by subsection (a) shall endure for a term consisting of the life of the author.
So what's this thing I hear called "Fair Use?"
Straight from the source:

1. Limitations on exclusive rights: Fair use41Notwithstanding the provisions of sections 106 and 106A, the fair use of a copyrighted work, including such use by reproduction in copies or phonorecords or by any other means specified by that section, for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching (including multiple copies for classroom use), scholarship, or research, is not an infringement of copyright. In determining whether the use made of a work in any particular case is a fair use the factors to be considered shall include—(1) the purpose and character of the use, including whether such use is of a commercial nature or is for nonprofit educational purposes;(2) the nature of the copyrighted work;(3) the amount and substantiality of the portion used in relation to the copyrighted work as a whole; and(4) the effect of the use upon the potential market for or value of the copyrighted work.The fact that a work is unpublished shall not itself bar a finding of fair use if such finding is made upon consideration of all the above factors.

Uhh...help me translate that please... (here's a decent official translation: https://www.copyright.gov/fair-use/more-info.html)

1. above...if it's non-profit educational use, you're usually good to go...if it's for money or trade (commercial nature) then you're usually NOT...unless YOUR piece is "transformative"

Transformative uses are those that add something new, with a further purpose or different character, and do not substitute for the original use of the work.
- Myth: Well this is paid for in Algos, not USD so it's not "commercial"
- Reality: IT IS commercial. You could even barter for bacon and it'd be commercial. It's an exchange of one good/service for another good/service.
- Myth: My piece with Batman inside a card is "transformative"
- Reality: No, unfortunately, more-than-likely the courts would say it's not. A good litmus test is..."If Warner Bros Entertainment (owner of Batman) wanted to make an NFT/ASA "Batman card" would yours compete with it or be possibly mistaken (by a reasonable person - so in America think 8th grade education) for real merchandise? Probably...thus it's not transformative enough.
"nature" gets a little tougher. This looks at protecting the "creative process." Thus, using other works of art is less-likely to be protected than using factual sources - like historical photographs since it's easier to "create art" and thus "transform" factual pieces than other art pieces. This is also talking to things like "parody." Satire is NOT protected. "Parody" is. What's the difference? LegalZoomputs it well: While a parody targets and mimics the original work to make a point, a satire uses the original work to criticize something else entirely. Another way to look at it is that satire uses another work as a way to comment on something happening in the world that has nothing to do with the original work.
- Myth: I added a different border, extra planets, and some blur effect to MTZ's World of Light - it's a new piece of art.
- Reality: Not likely the courts will see it that way.
- Myth: This guy added a filter, some burn effects, and collaged a bunch of newspaper headlines together - isn't that a violation!
- Reality: Probably not...the courts would probably see this as a creation of art out of factual sources.
amount/substantiality in relation to the whole...this is where using clips of songs that are only like 5 seconds long works! But using more than that...runs into problems. This is tough to decipher too...as some songs are EASILY identifiable from just 5 seconds (Ice, ice, baby) - and thus NOT fair use. But some aren't. Usually you're safe using a very small clip of a song or video - especially if you're adding more to it. But this is a dangerous game to play - and there's places to get free audio (some sources below)
effect of the use - this is probably the biggest one. Courts will look at simply...does YOUR work affect the sales or potential for sales of the copyright owner. Of note...this is looked at at the time of the issue being brought to the court, not at the time of sale. For example, let's say my batman card sells for 10 Algos today, but Algorand BLOWS UP and soon every NFT is on Algorand. And now my OG Batman NFT is seen as one of the first Batman ones and official. Warner Bros gonna sue the shit outta whoever owns it at the time they sue to get the rights to all sales of that NFT. So that person is left holding an empty bag when Warner Bros wins in court.
- Myth: Well they're not commercializing it NOW so I'm safe.
- Reality: Technically, yea Warner Bros probably won't spend the money to go after the OG artist and the hands the asset passed through...HOWEVER, they may. That's their right. Who knows - the Napster days showed us the lengths companies will go to. EVEN BIGGER HOWEVER, the last person holding it when Warner Bros DOES decide to go after that Batman NFT...uh oh for them - they just lost their asset.
- Myth: Well it's been like a year, and no one has brought up copyright. So I'm good.
- Reality: If this was in a normal market...maybe this argument would work. If McDonald's let you sell a Ronald McDonald poster for like a year on Amazon with no issues, some court may say "bro, you took too long to bring this to us." HOWEVER, with cryptocurrency being so new (and Algorand being so little known/discussed), most courts would see it as "reasonable" that a copyright owner failed to exercise their rights within a year - possibly even a decade. (Updated because I realized last example dealt with trademark not copyright :o)
So what am I safe to use?
US Government works (mostly)...any deemed free to use by creator...and any a copyright lawyer says they have your backs on (cuz now they're liable).
Here's some great sources for free use items (please add to this list below if you know of some!!!):
Pictures: https://buffer.com/library/free-images/ (Unsplash is one of my faves)
Music: https://www.wix.com/blog/photography/2019/11/27/free-music-for-videos/
Video: https://blog.hootsuite.com/free-stock-videos-sites/
You'll notice there's a lot of "shoulds" "coulds" "probably" etc. This is because copyright cases are all unique and go to the courts. The best bet is to go with stuff you KNOW is free and fair-use. If not, I'd look up copyright law, consult supreme court cases concerning copyright, and ultimately, talk to a lawyer.
AGAIN: I AM NOT A LAWYER. I AM NOT PROVIDING LEGAL ADVICE. I AM SIMPLY PROVIDING INFORMATION. THERE MAY BE ERRORS ABOVE THAT COULD CAUSE SUBSTANTIAL DAMAGES - CONSULT A COPYRIGHT ATTORNEY IF YOU WISH TO RECEIVE LEGAL ADVICE.

(First time poster )
So, I don't know where to start on this one, but I'm having a hard time processing this situation and need help. I did start seeing a therapist but it's been a while so I guess I should go back, but here goes.
I met my husband roughly ten years ago and his Mom seemed ok for a while. When we were dating, she even invited me to do paint nights with her which I thought was nice. She did like to gossip a lot to me which in retrospect I see now was a 🚩#1.
Things seemed ok until my BIL got into a new relationship, and his girlfriend came clean with me: She asked me how my relationship is with MIL is and I said it was ok, why? And she proceeded to tell me that MIL gossips and talks badly about me non stop. Especially after coming back from visiting my house. BILs girlfriend was uncomfortable with this and told MIL that this was mean and uncalled for and even before she met me she felt bad for me and thought we'd get along, because she too had been victim to bullying and this is what this felt like. MIL responded with "you don't know her".
Anyways she told me the kind of things MIL was saying about me and it was not nice. Basically she would observe any kind of issue or conflict in my life but emphasize it to be super critical with absolutely no empathy and often full on lies to make me look bad and I now understand, to turn my husband's siblings against me. Which she has from the beginning of my and hubby's time together (2014).
For example, in 2021 we moved to a new city so we could buy a house and uprooted my 3 yr old daughters entire life. She had a hard adjustment and picked her face for a while (it was also summer so mosquito bites are what started it) she also regressed and wet the bed for a bit. She then adjusted and was just fine.
MIL turns this into "OP is anxious and is making her daughter anxious" Her daughter is anxious and it's OP's fault". I haven't suffered with anxiety for a while. It was only the year we got married, and I was better with medication. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Nor did I share any of my mental health struggles with MIL so she's making an assumption at best.
She complains that I'm lazy and do not do housework or cooking to her satisfaction (she was a SAHM and I am not). I should mention hubby and I have a 50/50 type deal with household and child minding. We both work. 🤷🏼‍♀️
I asked my hubby respectfully to never fight with me in front of MIL but he has, And like a snake in the grass she then tells everyone all about it, but turns it into something it wasn't. Not lying per se but emphasizing the dysfunction without any empathy or recognizing her own sons role in all of this.
My husband for his part has been very hesitant to set boundaries with her, but also emotionally keeps a distance from her. Then a few years ago, he told me MIL was responsible in the past for breaking up his relationships with other girlfirneds by making his partners feel uncomfortable 🚩#2.
It appears that recently the lies and gossip has been escalated. She makes me feel uncomfortable in my own house. I catch her darting dirty looks at me and then when I notice this, she switches it to giving me a fake smile.
She has no poker face and I sense the hostility whenever she's around.
The only time I let her clean my house without me getting up was when I was very pregnant with my son and exhausted. Yet she still tells anyone who will listen how lazy I am.
Last time she was over, I asserted myself more and would be firm with my boundaries. I also made it clear when her opinions were wrong / uncalled for.
It was this past winter and she took it upon herself to clean my back porch (we don't have a garage and it was messy). I told her to please stop cleaning my back porch. She explained she was here to help so she might as well help. I said I would rather she didn't. She asked why. I said because it feels like judgment. After a pause she said well you're family so you don't need to feel that way. When I told my hubby he was shocked and complained that she was supposed to be visiting her grandchildren (who were sitting in the other room, alone). She seems more interested in passive aggressively making me feel like I can't keep house. Again, I WORK FULL TIME. I have two small children and I do what I can. My house is far from a disaster, but I'm sure the crumbs you can see on my floors are enough to warrant her disapproval.
Overly judgemental and appears not to "approve" of me for her son 🚩3 and 4.
The worst recent situation was thrifting with MIL, which used to be the only thing we could bond over. I took my daughter and while shopping, she carelessly grabbed at a teacup I was buying and it smashed on the floor. As a Millenial who is trying very hard to gentle parent (despite the fact I was never taught self regulation by my boomer parents) I got on her level and told her that it wasn't ok to do that in the store and to observe the consequence. My daughter usually doesn't do stuff like that, and she felt bad so she burst into tears. I then spend time holding her in a hug and comforting her until she felt better. Employee came by and told me not to worry about paying for it as it was an accident. MIL immediately went home and told BIL and BIL gf that I yelled at my daughter in a store and made her cry. That was NOT what happened. In fact I'm positive if I had been permissive and not disciplined her in the store, she would have bad mouthed my parenting as well. This time I let BIL know that his mother lied about this situation and I'm incredibly frustrated and angry with MIL.
BIL is strongly enmeshed with MIL and his willingness to believe MIL opinions as fact is one of the reasons his relationship with the present girlfriend fell apart. He's also an alcoholic and refused to stop or get help.
I suspect the reason MIL tries so hard to destroy my character and BIL GFs character is because she does not want any attention on her and her horrible actions.
She secretly started seeing the man she had an affair with in the 90s again, causing her relationship with FIL to dissolve and they divorced (dead marriage for years). To pay for said divorce, she remortgaged the house and convinced BIL to co-sign. As soon as he did, she moved in with her 90s affair boyfriend and told BIL she could not help with the bills anymore since she had committed to her 90s affair boyfriends mortgage (my husband and I suspect this was her plan all along). The stress of the financial situation definitely pushed BILs addiction further, but he also has anger issues and mental health issues.
My husband for his part is furious and refused to accept this 90s affair boyfriend of hers who caused him all kinds of childhood trauma (which she won't admit to). He's happy for her but wants no relationship with this man. I also think that she's trying to create infighting between the siblings and our marriages so no one confronts her for her actions. Husband also has a sister who (surprise surprise) hates my guts and treats me like shit.
She tried to push my husband's boundary about 90s affair boyfriend and he doubled down, causing more distance.
After BILs relationship broke down, I was so stressed out from emotionally being involved that I'm now not talking to MIL or BIL but she keeps dropping messages to wish me happy Easter or happy mothers day.
I told hubby she is no longer welcome in my home so the last few times he saw her they met with our children out of town and I stayed home.
Question is: do I just cut her off entirely with no explanation or do I give her a reason and outline why I am going no contact? Since she won't change (narcissist) husband is not willing to go to therapy with her. I feel like the only way I can get over this hurt and pain I'm still processing is either confronting her or going no contact and blocking her on Facebook.
Any advice????

I believed in fairies as a kid. More than believed in them. I think something terrible happened to me, and I've just buried it until now.
Call me a typical emotion-bottling man, but I have never considered therapy. No matter what I went through, no matter how many times I thought to myself, verbatim, that I should talk to someone about this, I just never thought of it as an option. It simply wasn't on my roster. It was just one of those things that existed on a separate plane of existence than I was living in, never to cross paths or interact lest the universe collapse in on itself.
I have no problem with therapy, don't get me wrong. It isn't like I don't understand the overall appeal. I have plenty of friends who swear by it, swear it has helped them tremendously, including my wife. It just wasn't ever something I thought was in my cards.
"I just never really thought about it," I told Alice one evening, when she had brought the topic up once again after dinner.
There was a serene sense of peace wafting through the entire house that day, and I was feeling content. It was a Sunday, and swimming season, so we had dropped Emmie off that morning at the public pool for practice and gone straight to our favorite breakfast place. The rest of the day was filled with all the conversation that had built up over the week, all the topics we couldn't fully dig into with each other while babysitting our eight year old, and lounging, all crammed in between sporadic bursts of housework and paperwork we had to catch up on. It was the perfect day, in my humble opinion. It was a lovely moment of peace in the midst of a chaotic life, as is life with kids. And now the sounds of Mario Kart drifted in from the living room, Emmie's squeals cutting through the cheery music every now and then, causing Alice and I to share small smiles of acknowledgement.
Oh, to be a child again. Still a little drenched from a post-swimming shower, full of chili, eyes glowing with the reflection of a television screen.
"Well, maybe you should." My wife was scooping leftover chili into a Tupperware with a ladle. Her hair had been tied up like it was every day after dinner, as if she planned to run a marathon rather than do the cleaning up. She wasn't looking at me, dialed into the task at hand.
It's crazy how some parts of my memory could be so good, and others nonexistent.
I reached over from where I stood before the dishwasher, sliding my arm around her waist. She gave me a look, like, what?
"I just don't think it's for me, babe," I muttered, resting my mouth on her shoulder as if I was trying to skip her ears and speak right through her skin. "You know those things make me uncomfortable sometimes."
She let out a half groan, half sigh, setting down the container and the ladle and turning to face me, draping her arms over my shoulders.
"Everything makes you uncomfortable, John."
I smiled, letting my hands fall to her hips. I knew her frustrated act was just that, an act, at least for the most part.
"It's good for you," she continued pointedly, reaching up to tap her pointer finger against my forehead as I swayed her back and forth to a nonexistent tune. "Like medicine. And I know for a fact there are some things you need to work through."
I feigned offense. "You think I'm some kind of nut job?"
"Everyone needs therapy," she snarled, pulling out of my arms, but she didn't resist when I reached out and drew her back in. "Not just nut jobs."
And that was how most of those conversations went. Some got a little more heated, ending with a lightly slammed door (so as not to wake our daughter) and a whisper-shout of "this is why you need therapy!"
I feel I'm making it sound bad, but it wasn't. Even our more serious fights never quite felt like fights. They felt like playing. We were like two cats, biting and tackling and swishing our tails, but never baring our teeth to hiss. I never felt genuine, full-bodied anger towards her, and I knew she felt the same. It sounds sappy, but we were just very in love. I sometimes felt that we had never actually left the honeymoon phase.
I'm also making it sound like that conversation was incredibly common, and it wasn't. It came up maybe once every few months. I knew she was just looking out for me. She knew me better than anyone.
We had met through mutual friends, and we had initially bonded over our terrible childhoods. We both had moms who were out of the picture, and over emotional, over compensating dads, although this manifested in vastly different ways. Alice's mother left her father for a D-list rockstar type, following him on his state wide tour. She would sometimes send Alice letters or postcards from the road, although her dad wouldn't always let her keep them if they seemed to be stained with blood or seemed to have made contact with any strange white powders.
Her dad coped with anger. He never laid a hand on her, but his shouting and the sounds of glass bottles smashing against the walls kept her up almost every night. During the days he'd take her out, buy her things, go mini golfing and bowling and to the movies. Anything to seem more fun than her mother.
My mother passed away on my seventh birthday. She was driving home from work, which was at a law firm half an hour away from our house, when it began to rain. She was texting my dad her ETA when she ran a red light and a semi truck T-boned her, completely obliterating her car.
After that, everything changed. My seventh birthday could've been my twenty-first. At night it was the worst. I remember sitting with my dad as he cried, curled up in a sobbing ball on the filthy living room carpet, whimpering like a kicked puppy. He would scream and wail so loud the walls shook. He would say, over and over as if I wasn't hearing him, sometimes mumbling and sometimes shrieking, "She was cut in half. I'm sorry sir, she's gone. No, there's no chance she survived, she was completely cut in half."
The days were almost worse. During the day, when he could decrease the helpless wails into weeping at the very least, his attention turned to me. He tried to get something out of me, almost silently begging me to break down with him. Every other second it was, "How are you feeling, son? Do you understand what's happening? You poor thing, you must be devastated, your mommy is gone... Don't you want to cry?"
But I couldn't indulge, and I didn't want to. I had to wash the sheets, because he'd pissed them again, and I didn't want him to sleep in it and smell like pee when he took me to school the next day. I had to vacuum the carpet, so the next time he curled up on it and begged God to take him too, when he finally stood up, his cheek wouldn't be caked in crumbs and dust.
I don't know if I ever truly mourned. My mother's death was more like an absence, as if someone had taken a pair of scissors and carved a chunk out of my side, or snipped off a limb. I could still feel her, I could still talk to her, but all I got back was a deep ache and a crushing silence.
I hated how people reacted when I told them my mom was dead, and had been since I was a little boy. I hated the looks on their faces when they asked how she died, and when I told them. How their mouths fell open dumbly and their eyebrows twisted and contorted in sympathetic horror. "I'm so sorry, I didn't know," they said, as if there was vomit rising in their throats, and I wanted to say, "Well, you fucking asked, didn't you?"
Alice never reacted like that. In fact, she never really even asked me what happened. We were on our second date, nursing beers while leaning against the pool table a a dingy speakeasy, when she told me about her own mom. It was the first time in a long time I actually felt like the conversation was open, like I could respond and she would listen and care, but not too much. Not an uncomfortable amount. When I told her about my parents she didn't say anything, and her pretty face didn't contort. She leaned over the corner of the pool table and kissed me on the cheek, took my hand.
The day she found out she was pregnant, we promised each other to be better, to not let our child ever have to grieve alone or feel the very specific hopeless terror that only a parent can cause.
So maybe I should have listened to her. Maybe I should have gone to therapy the first time she brought it up, the first time she told me how it had helped her get through her own terrible memories. But if I'm being honest, I didn't think I had anything to get through. I had left it in the past, I had coped so far in my own somewhat crooked way, I didn't want to dig any of that back up. I didn't want to be put back in that place where I was expected to talk, to cry, to open up. It made my skin crawl just thinking about it.
"I was always the therapist," I would say to her with a crooked grin. "And I like it that way."
Then, the dreams started.
I could tell you I don't know what triggered them, I don't know why it was now. But that wouldn't be the truth. I know exactly why I started to remember.
At first, they were brief. Nightmares that I couldn't quite recall or explain, waking up disoriented and a little sick. The rest of my day would feel strange, like I was surrounded by a thick fog. Eventually, they started to wake me up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat and screaming, scaring the shit out of my wife. Once I ran to the bathroom and threw up, barely making it to the toilet. That was when the word "therapy" came up again.
It feels like I've been in a coma for twenty years, and I'm just waking up now.
It's so strange how different the world looks to a child.
I believed in fairies as a kid. Laugh it up if you want. When I turned four, my aunt brought me this book - we've all had one, I think. It was one of those huge hardcover books filled with information about something mythical, with little patches of fabric to simulate a mermaid's scales or a dragon's claw.
Mine was about fairies, and it was so real to me. My mom would sit up with me later than she probably should have, reading to me, placing my hand on the textures to feel. I wanted to know everything about them, I became obsessed, and naturally, my parents played along. They bought me toys, books... every year I had a fae themed birthday cake, and any kid who dared to giggle behind their hands weren't invited to next year's celebration.
When I was old enough to use the internet, supervised of course, I began further research. My mom helped me navigate Wikipedia first, and they had plenty of information to sustain me for a while. My interest turned from wings and magical powers to different types of fae from every corner of the earth, mushroom rings and their alleged distaste for iron. While I still wasn't very good at reading, I would just look at the pictures until she got home from work.
When my mom died, the fairy memorabilia began to amp up. My aunt bought me new books, gave them to me wrapped and tied with ribbons with tear filled eyes, and my dad brought them up whenever he thought I needed comforting and felt strong enough to leave the house. "Wanna go look in the forest for fairies, son?"
I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I began to worship the fairies. I was convinced they lived in the forest behind my house, just behind each tree I looked at, hiding from me. I would spend my weekends escaping into the woods with a bucket and a cheap pair of binoculars, positive that this time, this day, I would see one.
At night, when my dad finally passed out in his own puddle of tears and other bodily fluids, I would pray to them. I never believed in God, we weren't a particularly religious family, and besides, I had seen what good He had done for my dad thus far. But I believed in the fairies.
I asked them for help with my father. I asked them for peace. I asked them to bring her back to me.
They never answered.
Until they did.
It was a Friday. I remember now, I'm not sure how I could have forgotten. After school I had sprinted into the shade of the trees before my dad could stop me, gripping the hem of my shirt in my fist, the thin fabric bearing the weight of two handfuls of the shiniest silverware and most colorful buttons I could find in our dusty cabinets.
I had a plan that day. I was going to lure them to me.
My path began in a clearing where I thought a ring of mushrooms may have begun to grow... but even without that, it was just the perfect spot for fairies. I could picture them flitting between the trees, chirping to each other happily, picking wildflowers to weave into flower crowns.
I walked backwards all the way back to my bedroom window, dropping another item every few steps. When I got inside and looked out my window, I could see my trail of shiny things curve through the overgrown grass in our backyard and disappear into the trees.
I was so excited, I could hardly contain myself. Tonight, surely, they would come to me. They would show themselves, and they would help me. But after another few late hours of coddling my father, finally convincing him to drink some water and get in bed, I was exhausted. I completely forgot about my plan. When I got to my room I collapsed on my mattress, not even bothering to undress before I closed my eyes.
Then I heard it. The scratching.
I opened my eyes. The moonlight shining through my bedroom window casted strange shadows across my ceiling, shadows of the swaying grass and the creaking trees.
It was strangely silent, other than the sound. Usually there was lots of noise, or at the very least a few crickets, but not tonight. Tonight, I realized, I couldn't even hear the wind.
I sat up slowly, as if in a dream, and looked toward my window. I couldn't see anything out there, nothing glaringly obvious at least, that could be making that noise.
The scratching turned to a tap. Tap tap tap, like a fingernail against a glass. It had a playful air to it, like someone was saying, look over here!
I stood, rubbing my eyes, and stumbled over. The tapping stopped abruptly when I got to the window and peered outside, out to the dark yard, pitch black if not for the moon's glow. The grass didn't sway, the trees didn't creak. I frowned and unlatched the window, sliding it up above my head.
I was right, there was no wind. Not even a gust. Everything was still outside, like it was frozen. I actually started to believe it was frozen, that time had stopped completely somehow, before I saw it.
My trail of silverware and buttons. Sparkling softly in the moonlight.
Disappearing.
It began where the path met the trees, curving off where I couldn't follow it anymore. A fork disappeared right before my eyes, right on the edge. Just vanished, as if someone who was invisible had picked it up and stuffed it in a pocket very quickly.
Then another went, a spoon. Then a particularly large gold button. Whatever was taking them was doing what I had wanted, it was taking my bait, it was coming to me. And it was as if whatever had tapped at my window had wanted me to see this, wanted to show me.
But something felt very, very wrong.
This wasn't how I had pictured it. There was no twinkling, tiny winged thing at my window, winking at me before dashing back into the safety of the trees. There were no secrets being whispered in my ear, no fairy dust or promises of better things.
Something about this wasn't right. It felt like a mimicry, almost a mockery, of what I had imagined. Like something was trying to give me what I wanted, but was rusty at it.
I didn't want this anymore.
My stomach twisted and my hands shook as I pulled the window back down slowly, watching more glittery things disappear from the grass, growing closer and closer. As soon as it was closed I quickly locked it and pulled the blinds shut, turning my back to the window as if something would happen that I didn't want to see.
Nothing happened. The deafening silence continued for a few seconds as my ears strained to hear anything else happening outside. Then the wind picked up, and the sounds of crickets, muffled by my closed window, filled the night air.
I don't remember when I fell asleep that night, I just know I felt unnerved and jumpy for a while. I woke up the next morning feeling guilty. Had the fairies really come last night? Maybe they had come to talk to me, to bring me gifts, favors, and what had I done? I had closed my window on them. I felt ungrateful. Why had I even been scared? Because it was dark outside? What was I, a baby?
When I opened my window and peered outside, I gasped. The trail of silverware and buttons was completely gone, all the way up to the last one, which I had placed on my windowsill. In its place was a shoe. I didn't know what kind of shoe it was, but it looked sort of nice, fancy. I remember smiling out the window as I opened it, as if they were looking, and taking my gift.
How could I forget that night? How could I have forgotten what happened after? I feel crazy, either like I made it all up or like I've made up everything since then, like my life isn't truly my own.
I remember telling my dad. I remember saying, "Dad, the fairies came last night!" and the absent smile he gave me.
Until I showed him their gift. The shoe. Instantly his face went pale and he snatched it from my hands, staring at me as if I was something unholy.
"Where did you get this, Johnny?"
"The fairies, dad, I told you!"
He didn't respond. Just gave me another long, solemn look, before turning away from me, still holding the present I received close to his chest. I was upset, but I knew better than throwing a tantrum. That would be too much emotion anyways, too uncomfortable. Even back then, I didn't know how to handle those things.
I didn't show him their gifts after that. I didn't want to risk having them taken away. I tried not to be scared of the fairies, even though they always came at night, but I didn't go to my window when they came anymore. I read everywhere that fairies didn't particularly like to be seen, even though this one seemed to want to be. It always began with tapping, but otherwise complete silence that almost felt like it was swallowing me... and eventually the tapping would stop, the silence would pass, and I would fall asleep. In the morning there was always another gift for me, sitting on my window sill. A sparkly gold ring, the other matching shoe, a hat... I smiled when I took every one, wanting them to know I was grateful. And I would leave things for them too, little sweets or shiny things like coins or paperclips that I found on the ground at school.
Things seemed to get better with my dad for a while. He kept to himself more, he was quieter. At night he would cry softly in his room, rather than his uproarious wails that I used to have to quell so the neighbors wouldn't come knocking. During the day, he would talk to me, but more casually. He didn't ask me how I was feeling anymore, or tell me to let it out.
I hoped this was the fairies. I felt invincible, like I had a secret superpower that no one knew about. I was friends with fairies.
Then one night, everything changed.
It started with the tapping, as always. That night I was fast asleep, catching up on well earned rest since the nightly therapy sessions had ceased.
The tapping woke me. It was that loud. It was louder than usual... but it seemed like it stopped abruptly as soon as I raised my head to look.
That was different...
That night, I had left my blinds up and my window open by accident. Since that first night, even though I wasn't scared anymore, I had always closed them... but this time, I must have forgotten.
It was silent outside. It seemed darker than usual. I could almost make out something, a shape, way on the other side of the yard, but it was too dark and I was too far away to tell.
That feeling from that first night retuned. A twisting like a hand reaching into my stomach and mixing things around, a heavy feeling in my chest like someone had stolen all of the air from my room, even though the window was open. The silence seemed to crush me, bearing down on me from every angle, making my ribs hurt.
The feeling that something was very wrong.
I don't remember deciding to stand: looking back, I have no idea why I would do that in my state of fight or flight. I don't know if I consciously chose to. I don't remember walking over, but I remember getting there, my hands on the windowsill and my head poking out into the completely still night air.
There was something there. On the edge of the trees. Right where I had seen that first fork disappear into thin air. I squinted, leaning further into the darkness to try and make out what it was.
When I finally did, the outline taking shape as my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I began to shake uncontrollably. I remember that I tried to scream, but no sound would come. I couldn't move, couldn't do anything but stare.
Two legs stood in front of the trees, facing me. Two legs, a blood-soaked pair of slacks, no shoes on the purple, swollen feet. And a jagged, violent rip in the torso where the rest of my mother's body had been severed from its lower half.
It took me a while to realize that the legs weren't standing on their own. They began to move, jerking clumsily toward the window, like something I couldn't see was struggling to hold them up. I finally forced myself out of my trance and fell to my carpet, vomiting.
I don't remember much else about that night yet. My dad came running when I started crying, I'm sure, but he didn't see what I saw. My mom's legs were gone, or hidden. Because they weren't for him.
They were for me.
We moved after that. Before now if you had asked me why we moved so far away so suddenly, I probably would have mumbled something about the grief, and it being too hard to stay where my mother had died. But I remember why now.
It was because the next morning, when I checked my windowsill, there was a hand. My mother's hand. Purple and stiff, and missing her gold wedding ring. Reaching, fingers rested against the glass, like it was trying to get in.
Like it had been tapping.
I don't want to think about what else it might have brought, had we stayed.
That thing, whatever it was, wasn't my mother, and it wasn't a fairy. I had invited something else with all my praying, with all my naive and innocent beliefs, and with all my bottled up emotions. I had invited it, and I had let it in.
And then I had forgotten everything. Maybe I bottled that up, too.
Now I remember. Now I'm having nightmares, and waking up with that sick feeling in my gut, my eyes jumping to our closed bedroom window.
Because a week ago, my daughter woke me up very early in the morning my jumping on our bed. A week ago, she shook me awake, her eager smile stretching all the way across her face. A week ago, she told me, "Dad, the fairies came last night!"
She showed me a doll, a ballerina, with a pink tutu and beautiful long blonde hair.
And now, with all these terrible memories hitting me like cold water to the face, only one keeps me awake at night.
I asked them for help with my father. I asked them for peace. I asked them to bring her back to me.
It has granted two of my wishes, in its own twisted way. My father grew distant from me and my mother was brought back in pieces.
I'm happy now. But I don't have peace. I don't think I'll ever fully have peace, at least not with a child and a wife to try and provide for, and not with all of these memories.
So what has it come back for?

TL;DR: Luigi and Saiko have the potential to be a pairing with fun contrasting personalities and character growth potential while working with what's there in canon already without much if any change.
Time for something a bit... different for this sub, at least from what I can tell. I only just joined yesterday thanks to Medi's recent video.
Before we begin, I want to start off by saying that this is in no way a "my ship is better than yours" post. You are all free to like what you want, all I'm doing is trying to spread love for a pairing I hold so dear, and why I wish more people knew what's special about it. In other words, don't take this the wrong way. With that out of the way...
Saiko Bichitaru is my favorite SMG4 character. It took a bit for me to appreciate her, but as a fan of the show since 2013, as her debut year of 2018 went by and she continued to develop into a core cast member, I thought that for a show like this it was a very well-executed character arc, with a pretty heartwarming conclusion to boot. In the years since, besides perhaps 2019 which I thought was pretty good for her character, she took a step back in favor of other characters getting the spotlight, which isn't necessarily a bad thing but part of me does wish they got to utilize certain dynamics with her more. Tari and Kaizo are obvious ones, but another obvious one that I think is largely unnoticed these days is her dynamic with Luigi.
Luigi is my other favorite character, for generally being likable while still being entertaining, but there are other, niche-er reasons too I will get into later. For now I will say that he has has a sort of "magic" about him, in that despite his cowardly exterior (occasionally gigachad moments aside, which are mainly done for comedy's sake) he has a big heart and tries to see the best in people. In SMG4, him becoming Saiko's friend during her darkest hour (heh) is one of the biggest examples of this. It started an unlikely friendship between a timid but kindly plumber and a tough and passionate rockstar, something that remains to this day, but mainly in background cameos. Despite this, I've noticed that the larger fanbase doesn't really acknowledge this much, likely to due A. the lack of major usage since 2020 and B. some fans weren't around when those videos were new. But that's why I'm here today: I am here to talk about what makes this dynamic work so well, but also that I legitimately think that while considering that, Luigi x Saiko is a pairing that can work extremely well given what's already there without much interference. Again, I'm not saying that it's "better" than other pairings involving one of these two, only that it's one of the more "realistic" pairings as a whole in my opinion. To start with, let's go over Saiko's character arc again.
PART 1: SAIKO
I don't want to turn this into a recap, so we'll go over her story briefly before getting into the parts involving the green Italian man. A fictional rockstar in a dating game from the band KS-2 brought in by Boopkins due to his loneliness, Saiko started off as an extremely clingy yandere, violently demanding attention from others if even a second was put away from her being the center of attention. After about six months of her being a villain, eventually she realized that she has a problem and became depressed over it, only fro a certain someone to come in and kickstart her redemption, slowly but surely becoming nicer and becoming friends with the SMG4 gang, notably Tari and Meggy.
I personally feel like a lot of Saiko's POV is understood if you saw certain videos happen as they aired, but it all started with Luigi's Lesson, where the usually cowardly Luigi learns about Saiko's problems and tries to help her become nicer. As you may know, he succeeded for the most part, with her doing a good deed by the end (saving Mario from choking on hot dogs), and she slowly became nicer over time. The thing is that Luigi was Saiko's first true friend, someone who saw her potential for being a good person before anyone else. In this case, I don't really count Boopkins since while he did care for her, after her debut he tried to stay away as much as he could and didn't really attempt to help her until after Luigi kickstarted that whole thing. Beyond that though, there were still moments throughout 2018 that showed Luigi being the one to help Saiko improve herself, the main one being a small moment in The Mario Cafe, but even Mario and the Diss Track had Luigi be the one to tell Saiko the truth about Bob in that arc.
All things considered, my personal interpretation is that Luigi saved Saiko's life. Without him being there for her, Saiko would've continued scared off people with her violent tendencies, and she never would've found the "attention" she desired so much via the SMG4 gang. And it all started because some easily-scared plumber saw something more in someone even he was previously scared of. Speaking of which, let's talk about him.
PART 2: LUIGI
To start with, I wanted to mention that Luigi is bisexual, not homosexual. "Gay" can be used as an umbrella term for anyone in the LGBT+ community, and Luigi has shown attraction for both men and women throughout the series, with a lean towards men mainly for comedy purposes. The 2015 episode Love for Luigi is a very notable example of this, where Luigi falls in love with Daisy and tries to win over her heart, and he succeeds by the end... but did he really? Much like several other aspects of the series, this is something only really brought up when it's convenient (like the 2016 episode Boo Busters) but otherwise Luigi is portrayed as single. Since we live in an era where they care about canon a little more, I think the only plausible explanation for this is that they broke up.
While I imagine that Luigi is fine with this these days, to get into headcanon territory a little, perhaps Luigi still feels lonely to this day. I mean, he still shows attraction to people, even showing interest in romance (such as this one clip from a Mario Does Things video from a couple of years back called "luigi tries to get with the ladies" on the Shorts channel), so there probably has to be some level of desire for it internally. Maybe he feels lonely, which is why he could relate to Saiko's struggles at first. But that's enough about headcanons for now.
Another thing about Saiko is that she just fits Luigi's taste in general. Luigi is with Daisy in Nintendo canon, and she's a strong gal with a lotta passion for what she cares about. While Luigi is plenty capable himself, in SMG4 he still shows signs of timidness and cowardice every once in a while, and of course he tends to be the butt of many jokes that he can't do anything about. From a comedy perspective that's fine, but from Luigi's POV, considering the several other responsibilities he has, the dude is tired. Someone strong and passionate like Saiko has the potential to teach him about confidence and standing up for himself in return for him teaching her about kindness and being rewarded for it. Long story short, being with Saiko not only fits Luigi's own tastes in partners, but Saiko in particular could do something that helps him better himself. In turn...
PART 3: LUIGI & SAIKO
Everything discussed leads to a relationship between two contrasting personalities with their own problems, and getting together leads to both of them becoming happier in the process. And hey, who doesn't like a ship with contrasting personalities? The thing about LxS though is that the seeds were already planted in the show itself to build off from, with the setup given in Luigi's Lesson potentially giving us just that. As for their dynamic, the times they do show up together, as I said before, consistently have them friendly without any real holes or inconsistencies. A large part of that is due to their underusage together, but even in recent episodes, we have moments such as the 2022 Christmas episode where they were cooking dinner together, or a more recent episode that shows them together at SMG3's coffee shop.
One final major point though is that I think Luigi and Saiko being a couple could bring things full circle. Saiko, a woman looking for love and improves herself thanks to a certain person starting it all.... only for said person to fall for the woman that Saiko became, and in turn Saiko falls for Luigi for being the one who started her new life and for being a kindhearted person who understands her the most, next to Tari mainly shown in the KS-2 mini-arc from 2022. In other words, the person Saiko was really looking for was the person in-front of her the whole time. If you ask me, that's a pretty fitting note to "conclusively" end Saiko's original character arc, even if it already ended around 2019.
As a side note, Luigi and Saiko have potential to be really good parents, but with the "gender roles" switched, which is always fun. Luigi is timid, caring, and tidy, while Saiko is also caring, but also passionate, tough, and cares for her friend's well-beings, both like a mom and a dad respectively. It also has a lot of comedy potential as you have the two of them learning the ropes of parenthood, and it could lead to more interactions with other characters, mainly Karen (in which Luigi already gave advice to on parenting one time, showing that he already has the ropes to a degree).
CONCLUSION
Overall, Luigi and Saiko have a lot of potential for not only their dynamic, but also the idea of them becoming a couple. I wish more people knew about this since I feel that LxS is largely seen as "MxM's Player 2" given how you only really see MxM fans mention the pairing. That isn't a bad thing at all, I myself like that pairing, but I do wish that the pairing had a little more of a fanbase of its own. But hey, that's part of why I'm talking about this now. The good news though is that there has been something of a small resurgence of the pairing already despite the fact of content, mainly through the existence of RockRage8962's fankid characters Angelo and Rin, who were made into Gmod characters by Duz/Glithware and AnEyeArtist.
Despite this, I do wish that more people understood why this pairing is special, and I hope with this essay, more people can do so. You can still like whatever pairings you like, but whether this convinces you on the ship's idea or not, I hope you at least gain a little more respect towards it. If anyone has any questions or want me to elaborate on something, let me know and I'll likely respond, but if you made it this far, thanks for reading!
BONUS: A playlist of videos containing at least one Luigi and Saiko moment, from 2018 to 2020.
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLDYLLnT8V-AT9AUb28cpE87_-a4CMbEed

Hello! I am Damian, a 27 year old civil engineer with more than three years of experience in the design of steel structures (for houses, buildings and warehouses).
I am very interested in real estate development, to the point that I am currently doing a postgraduate degree in real estate development.
For some time I have been wanting to take a step towards independence, and start working in something that links steel engineering and real estate development (since in the long term my idea is to dedicate myself to real estate development).
Lately I have been evaluating the possibility of starting a business dedicated to the construction of rooftop extensions in urban centers. I understand that, on the one hand, people need more frequently the contact with "nature" and the "open air" without leaving their comfort zone (their home), and spending the least amount of money possible (that is, without having to move or change apartments). This added to the fact that the density per m2 in urban centers is growing day by day, I see it as a good possibility to combine my knowledge and start getting closer to my long term goal (real estate development).
What is your opinion on this? Do you think it is something that can work today? What do you think I should take into account?
A small example of the extensions to which I am referring:
https://www.archdaily.com/966606/president-roof-extension-central-office-for-architecture-and-urbanism?ad_source=myad_bookmarks&ad_medium=bookmark-open
Thank you very much!

Sarms/PCT
Enclomaphine - 6.5mg RAD-140 - 10mg MK-677 - 10mg - 15mg
Protective substances:
Liver support : milk thistle
Blood sugar supple : GDA (Glucose disposal agent) - (berberine) (L-Carnitine, Tartrate-L-Carnipure)
Optional:
Glucosamine (for joint stiffness) Vitamins minerals(if deficient)
Taking a GDA is a requirement in my opinion, if you are on MK-677, it affects ghrelin hormone which makes you hungry, mix that with the fact your insulin peptide will be high you have a higher chance of entering pre-diabetic state.
Liver support is a requirement because sarms can be harsh, especially RAD-140, take something small like milk thistle or something more heavy hitting because your liver enzymes will need it.
im not a genius, this is what ive learnt, i dont know everything
ALSO DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH AND DONT BE DUMB!

Warning this is a very long read without a TLDR
I left this sub and joined the ryerson sub in 2021. Leaving behind my big drive of notes which is what I assume keeps driving these posts talking about grade inflation to my feed. My last few comments were very similar to everyone’s posts as of now - grade inflation, unfair admissions, feeling close to your goals and it being taken away. 3 years later here’s where I came from and what I’m doing now, why it’s not your fault and to offer a bit of hope if it helps. :)
In grade 12 (end of 2021) I had an 89 average, I was rejected from the majority of life sci and health sci programs (if a school had both I applied to both of them) - mac, u of t, queens, western. I got into York psych, health, TMU bio, undeclared arts and psych (waitlist), Laurier health sci and ottawa health sci. (some of my programs might be off if it’s wrong, the overarching field is what I mean). My goal was U of T life sci and to go to medical school. Laurier and Ottawa were off the table after my family and I came to the conclusion that we don’t have the money for me to move away, removing my last two life/sci options. I honestly wasn’t a big fan of York leaving TMU as my last option. I really wanted a life science or health science program because the curriculum after first year was not simply bio, chem, physics so I veered from biology at TMU.
So I ultimately ended up accepting undeclared arts as I was waitlisted for psychology. At the end of June, I got off the waitlist for psychology and accepted that. At the time, I was seriously unhappy with myself I was angry at the fact that people were getting opportunities that I wanted that didn’t deserve them due to inflation and lack of standardization of monitoring of tests during online schooling and just overall how poorly my high school experience ended. I’m talking full breakdowns about how I worked so hard and got nothing in return. I had teachers who genuinely believed that I was one of the best students that they had in years and told me that I would go far. I had a teacher go as far as writing a letter for no reason other than to just say how proud they were of me and how they knew that I would do great - which at the time I truly didn’t believe after not achieving any of the goals that I had set for myself at the beginning of grade 12.
My first year of psychology was online for my first semester where I did decently well I got a 3.0 my second semester, ended up being entirely in person because the online sections of classes were full. At the time I wanted to do medicine this dream quickly got away from me when second semester in person classes left me with a 2.67 gpa for the semester. I had a realization looking upon my peers who were still completely online at TMU or at other universities had much much better GPA than me and I wouldn’t be able to get into medicine with my GPA. So again I felt let down by systems that ultimately led to further inequality in education. I let go of the idea of medicine and had no idea what I wanted to do after my undergrad.
After my first year, I decided to join the course union at my school, which was one of the best decisions I ever made. I met amazing people who encouraged me to do better, peers who were higher years than me and gave me advice when needed and from there, my grades got better. after joining the course union I joined the liberal arts union and from there I worked on about five more different positions over the next two years. TMU is generally not seen as the best school and it’s not necessarily “competitive” but that can work in your favour because there’s so many positions available whereas at other schools where people may be more inclined to take these these positions making them more competitive. Joining these course unions gave me so many opportunities and so many things that are now on my CV that continue to provide more opportunities, for example I was offered a job at the school based on all my experience. My CV is now what I would consider amazing with all the work that I’ve gained that is applicable to the field that I want to work in and because of my experience on my CV I got a research assistant position where I have a great academic relationship with a prof. And I got my gpa up enough it’s not near a 4.00 or anything crazy but it’s good enough for me to get into grad school.
I always knew that I didn’t want to stay in psychology after I graduated so I completed my degree in three years rather than four. I also want to mention you do not need to complete your degree in three years. There’s no need for it. Had I stayed for an extra year I would’ve had so many more opportunities with extracurriculars. It’s just I did not love the psychology curriculum enough to want to stay in it for another year. I had taken summer school courses before coming to this conclusion, and I had so many credits that I didn’t want to switch programs so I fast tracked. All that being said, do not rush your degree unless for example, you don’t like it and have plans to do something unrelated afterwards - for me it was a masters in a different field that the only requirement was a bachelor’s degree so I didn’t see the point in switching. Having gained all of the research experience and extracurricular experience in the field that I want to pursue is what made my degree nonetheless beneficial even though I wasn’t doing what I had originally planned.
As of now, I will be beginning my masters at U of T in the fall (not in psychology). I feel very accomplished and fulfilled with everything I’ve done and I feel like the person that all those teachers said that I was back in high school. While I didn’t go to U of T for life sciences, and become a doctor like I had thought I would I am going to U of T nonetheless for a field I didn’t even know existed. I found and great community and something I genuinely love by continually working hard after feeling like I was ripped off by grade inflation and online school. All of which is so minuscule to everything I’ve gone on to do.
Moral of my story is you might feel ripped off right now, that your hard work went unnoticed and you might feel like you’re never going to accomplish your goals. But the truth is, it's very minuscule to the potential that you have. And as long as you continue to use your work ethic and potential wherever you go, you will be successful. You don't need big fancy school. You can do just as well if not better at schools that are seen as less prestigious or competitive as long as you continue to put in the hard work that you did in high school. So please don't feel like you have lost something but feel that you have gained the potential to do more. If you’re truly uncertain about accepting a program, take the time off think about alternate fields and try applying again, it might be better than toughing it out in a program you don’t really care about. If you’re dead set on going to university this fall, don’t wanna take time off and want to apply again and didn’t get into the one you planned, join extracurriculars meet new people and keep putting in work and it will pay off.
And I’m not saying you’re wrong in anyway for complaining and feeling the way that you feel because I felt the same way. You’re all valid asf. All I’m saying is don’t beat yourself up and don’t feel like you’re the problem because there’s so many opportunities for you so long as you seek them out and take them and you will end up in a much better position in the end.

Basically, most people don’t like her rework. Some don’t like the fact that it’s easier to land q in lane, others like me dont like the fact that she lost a lot of options, like zoning the enemy from wave with e or w giving a better shield or q-r doing more damage. But what are, in your opinions, good things that have come from this rework? I’ll list mine here:

1. Lux can no longer zone me from the wave with e as kassadin. Which, to me, is obviously good.
   
2. Lux’s e damage is much easier to shield as Kassadin. Before lux could just not detonate her e and have me waste my shield, now if she throws out e and I can’t dodge it, I know that I can shield it because it will automatically detonate.
   
3. Lux’s shield had to be made worse. When playing kassadin, the enemy having shields is always annoying. So, her having less shielding is great for me.
   
4. Lux is picked a lot now. I really like going against lux, especially as kassadin. Because even if my team is doing pretty terribly (which they usually are), I can still carry because fed kassadin.
   
5. I get to see truly how terrible people are at dodging skillshots.
   
6. I get to joke about how the enemy lux is always 10x better than the lux on my team (but they almost always are)
   
7. Lux is now way more telegraphed.
   

I genuinely had no idea the depth this season would have. I just finished my second rewatch, watching edits, and reading people's analyses and metas. Nic was right when she said this season was romance because, wow, I’m speechless at just how much there is to their story. It keeps you going back, thinking, and pondering. To the point that I'm not as mad as I was about them splitting up the season. We're really able to take in these four episodes, unpack each scene, each character, and each expression because everything has been so purposeful.
On my second rewatch, it struck me that it wasn't the kiss that awakened Colin's feelings. I wouldn't have thought so until someone mentioned on twitter it wasn't the kiss Colin has a flashback of before he goes to the ball. it was the scene Pen wraps his hand with a cloth. I rewatched the show after that to pay closer attention and wow did so many things stand out to me the second time around. Maybe it was the candle that sparked that memory, but even then, was her wrapping his wound so significant to him that it prompted him to go to the ball, interrupt her dance, cause a scandal, and then chase her carriage?
Colin's behavior towards her has been odd the entire season. First, Penelope not responding to his letters messed him up. It made him realize that although he's always cherished her as a friend, she had a much more profound impact on him, and he didn’t notice until she was no longer there. He tries to talk to her, but she walks away, giving him the cold shoulder. He is left shook.
He sees her at the ball in her stunning dress. He keeps staring at her, so aware of her, constantly tracking her. Then she leaves, running up the stairs and passing him. He leaves his friends behind to go after her, despite their advice not to concern himself with her. They have that moment where he tells her he misses her, but in a much different way than he would have spoken to her last season or the season before that. "If you're going to make it, say it. I miss you." Not "I missed you," but "I miss you."
This distinction is crucial. "I missed you" implies a past tense, a temporary void that has now been filled. "I miss you," however, conveys a present, ongoing longing. It shows that his feelings are current and that her absence affects him deeply and continuously. This moment is pivotal because it reveals a more vulnerable and sincere side of Colin, one that he hasn't shown to others this season.
Colin is showing a different side of himself to everyone this season, including his own family. He's trying to present a more composed and assertive version of himself to the world. Yet, Penelope is the only one with whom he truly feels comfortable enough to be his genuine self. She makes him feel safe, allowing him to drop the mask he wears for others. With her, he can be kind, sensitive, and unguarded.
This sense of security that Penelope provides is significant. It’s clear that Colin values her presence not just as a friend, but as someone who understands him on a deeper level. She brings out the best in him, the parts he might be afraid to show others for fear of appearing weak or overly sentimental. In Penelope’s presence, Colin feels seen and accepted, which is why his declaration of "I miss you" carries such weight. It’s not just that he misses her company; he misses the person he is when he’s with her.
Then he seeks her out and comes to her house, gives her the big speech, and tells her he wants to get into her good graces. They go out, and he tells her to practice on those gentlemen. When she stumbles over her words, he just smiles so fondly at her. At this point, I don’t think he’s aware of his feelings, but I do believe he's starting to realize just how much he likes her. He really, really likes her. And he missed her so much, and being around her again is literally lifting his spirits.
One of my favorite moments is when they are at the market. Colin brings up the story of when they first met, leaning in and saying, "teasing me. Mercilessly, in fact." When he follows with, "I think I know why," it stands out to me because you can just see how different he is when he's with her compared to anyone else this season. Even with his family, his light is dim, and there is a cloud hanging over him. But with Penelope, especially in this scene, it's like a man who finally saw the sun after being stuck in endless rain. At this moment, I don't think he knows he likes her romantically, but he likes her even more than he did before. He notices how she makes him feel. He loves their banter and how clever and witty she is.
Penelope freaks out when he says this because she thinks she knows, and she keeps on walking. They are momentarily covered from each other by the rugs, and then Colin pops out and continues his sentence. Everything about it is so playful and flirtatious, even if unconsciously at this point. He’s just having so much fun, and it’s very different from how he used to interact with her before. That moment when Penelope says, "I should get back," leaning in and adding, "before we are noticed," is significant.
Then we have the moment when Colin says, "I've been eagerly awaiting your visit." By this point, he’s addicted to her. The interactions they had at the market, especially at the end, left a lasting impression on him. I see this as Colin testing his feelings, wondering, "Let me see if that was a fluke or if I actually like her." This moment is crucial because it reveals Colin's internal struggle and growing realization of his deeper feelings for Penelope. He’s no longer simply enjoying her company as a friend; he’s beginning to seek out her presence because it brings him genuine happiness and comfort.
This shift is evident in his behavior. Colin’s eagerness to see Penelope isn’t driven by a sense of duty or friendship; it’s a personal desire. His anticipation of her visit shows that her company has become something he craves. This is no longer about teaching her anything; he just wants to spend time with her, and you cannot convince me otherwise. Colin knows that teaching Penelope how to attract a husband doesn’t look right, as he mentions to Eloise. He is aware that his actions could be misinterpreted, and yet he persists. This indicates a level of emotional investment that goes beyond mere friendship or mentorship.
When Colin invites Penelope to the Bridgerton house and places a hand on her back, it’s a bold move that borders on scandalous. In the societal context of their time, such an action is highly intimate and could easily lead to gossip and speculation. Colin is well aware of this, which is why his decision to proceed regardless is significant. It shows that he’s starting to prioritize his personal feelings and desires over societal expectations and norms.
In Season 2, when he grabbed her hand and took her into a secluded room, he genuinely saw her as just a friend and didn’t see anything wrong with what he was doing. But this scene is different. Colin is aware that his feelings towards her are changing, and he doesn’t care about the impropriety. He just wants to be alone with Penelope. This awareness marks a turning point in Colin’s emotional journey. He’s beginning to accept that his feelings for Penelope are evolving into something deeper and more romantic.
His actions, such as eagerly awaiting her visit and ensuring they have private moments together, reflect a subconscious desire to explore these feelings further. He wants to understand the depth of his emotions without the interference of others. This need for privacy and his willingness to bend societal rules for her indicate just how significant Penelope has become to him. He values their time together, not just as friends, but as potential romantic partners. Colin’s behavior suggests that he’s on the verge of a profound realization about his true feelings for Penelope, setting the stage for further developments in their relationship.
Then we get to the moment that solidifies for me that he knows to some degree what he feels about her. When Penelope tells him his eyes are beautiful, he is visibly aghast, speechless. Jungshook. The compliment is so unexpected and disarming that he doesn’t know how to respond. Instead, he picks up his lemonade and chugs it down like a man who hasn’t had a drink in days. This reaction is significant because it shows how much Penelope’s words affect him on a deeper level. It’s not just flattery; it’s a moment of genuine vulnerability for Colin, revealing that her opinion of him matters more than he realized.
Now, let’s delve into the moment where I believe he realizes he likes her. I wouldn’t have thought anything of it and rewatched their moments with a different perspective if it weren’t for the flashback. The moment she wraps his hand is so intimate and romantic. She wraps his hand slowly, and he watches her intently as she does. There’s a tenderness in her actions that goes beyond mere care; it’s an unspoken connection. She continues holding his hand and slowly folds it, kind of caressing his fingers. This gesture is filled with unspoken emotions, and Colin feels it deeply.
She looks at him intensely, and he meets her gaze but looks down immediately, starting to fiddle with the end of the cloth like he’s nervous. This moment of eye contact is loaded with significance. Colin’s nervousness is a telltale sign that he’s starting to realize his feelings for her. He doesn’t pull away until she mentions his writing, and he gets overwhelmed. Despite all that, and even though he’s upset she read his journal, he asks, "Will I see you tonight?" This question is crucial. It shows that, despite feeling vulnerable and exposed, he craves her company. He just wants to spend time with her.
Even when he’s upset that she read his journal, his first thought is to secure more time with her. "Will I see you tonight?" is not just a casual question; it’s a plea for connection. Colin’s desire to spend more time with Penelope, even when he’s feeling vulnerable, underscores the depth of his feelings. He’s starting to recognize that his attachment to her is not just about friendship or companionship; it’s something much more profound. This realization sets the stage for the unfolding of his realizations and the emotional journey Colin is about to navigate.
Then the ball happens. Colin looks around the room for her and gives her a sexy smirk when he sees her. This smirk is significant because Colin typically reserves it for women he's flirting with, albeit usually in a fake and uncomfortable manner. However, this is the only time the smirk feels genuine and actually comes off as sexy instead of forced. The flirtatious "Good evening" from Penelope is everything, honestly. When she asks how his hand is, he replies, "All good, thanks to you." Sir, all she did was wrap it with a cloth; please be normal. At this point, he's fully aware he has a crush on her. He no longer views her as he did before. His entire demeanor is so much more different compared to their other lessons. There is an intensity to him when he's talking to her that wasn’t there before.
When Penelope talks with Lord Remington, it’s interesting that "Jealous" by Nick Jonas starts to play now and not after the kiss, when she converses with Lord Debling on many occasions where we know he's jealous. When Pen tells him she enjoyed her time with Lord Remington, he responds, "I'm certain he did as well," and he gets a bit awkward. Someone on Twitter mentioned that when Penelope was flirting and trying to engage with others, Colin wasn't jealous, but the moment she is herself and comfortable, his jealousy kicks in, as we saw in this scene. Someone said he's trying to gatekeep her lmao. He sees her smiling and enjoying herself—a part of herself she only shows him—and he can't handle it. Hence, why I believe they chose to play that song at this moment.
This moment is crucial because it highlights the shift in Colin’s feelings. His smirk, which is usually a façade, becomes real and filled with genuine affection when directed at Penelope. His awkwardness and jealousy when she talks to another man further emphasize that his feelings for her have deepened. Colin is no longer just a friend offering guidance; he’s a man who realizes he has a crush on her and is struggling to navigate these new emotions. The music choice underscores this emotional turmoil, perfectly capturing the internal conflict and realization he is experiencing.
And then everything else proceeds that leads to the kiss. I, like so many others, believed this is where he realizes his feelings for Pen. Someone on Twitter mentioned how his eyebrows furrowed and his lips quivered. When I first saw it, I wondered why this kiss would warrant such a strong reaction from Colin. At this point, it was just a kiss that Pen asked for in a moment where she thinks she is ruined and will never find a prospect. But upon rewatching, Colin's visceral reaction to the kiss, as evidenced by his furrowed eyebrows and quivering lips, suggests a deeper emotional resonance than he initially realizes.
Penelope tells him it would not have to mean anything, but for him but it did. He knows his feelings towards her have changed. If it had been just a kiss because she asked for it, it would have stopped after the first time. Just a fleeting moment of physical contact between friends. But they kiss a second time and it's from his pov this time. It's slow sweet and oh so romantic. It's a catalyst that triggers a flood of suppressed emotions and desires within him. In that brief instant, the walls he's constructed around his heart start to crumble, allowing his true feelings for Penelope to surface. it wasn’t a kiss that awakened his feelings; it was a kiss that confirmed it. And not just confirmed it, it made him realize it wasn't just a crush he developed this season but it brought all his dormant feelings to the surface from the past as well.
TLDR: I think he was aware that he liked her when she wrapped his hand specifically and the kiss made him realize that it wasn't just a crush—his feelings run much, much deeper than that.

Hi! I’ve been trying to remember a book I had to read in the early 90s in elementary school maybe 5th grade. It was a historical fiction. Details I remember- there were African American servants maybe living with or just working in the home of rich southern white folks. There was a young girl’s birthday party and the girl requested a baked Alaska as dessert. There was a whole big ordeal surrounding this cake and the young black servant girl was partially responsible for helping to make this cake. Mentions of an icebox. I believe disaster ensued with the cake.
These are the only details I remember! I feel like the book centered around the young black girl who either worked in the home or was the daughter of the maid, and she was close to the age of the white birthday girl. It was a lot about the black experience in the south. Help!!! I’m creating a book list for my kids to read and I can’t get this one out of my head, so it obviously stuck with me!

I read this book in the 4th grade. The cover had a rough collie on the front and it was a about a girl and the dog and the title had star in its name or something like that. I don't remember a lot but I know for a fact it isn't lassie.

So I'm doing a rewatch and as we all know, Season 1 is perfection. Firstly it's paced so damn quickly that characters and storylines go so quickly. You're exhausted by the end of it. However, the humour and lightheartedness is the number 1 thing of Season 1. Plus you've got the score by Christopher Tyng which is basically a character in and on itself. That plus the warm highly saturated lighting makes the show feel really warm and fuzzy. Like a nice big warm hug.
Now I'm on Season 2 and the fact that storylines slow down so much is the biggest shot in the foot. Here are a bunch of things I've noticed:
There's no "ending" to storylines. Like for example I feel like Seth is just obsessed with Alex for WAY too long. Just when you think it's ended the next episode Seth is like "so how do I get back with Alex?", it's like the writers just didn't know WTF to do with the storyline. Like move on!
The above paragraph is exactly the same with Ryan and Lindsay. How many times does she say "I think it's best we don't see each other anymore". Like for gods sake if this was Season 1, Ryan and Lindsay would only date for like 3 episodes and then he will be with another girl. Same with Seth.
DJ is so boring and had no chemistry with Marissa. He also never once interacted with any other character on the show??? Like huh? Have him talk to other characters. They really didn't know what to do with this guy and I feel like something happened behind the scenes?
Zach is too nice. I feel like he's always on the verge of tears.
Now one of the main things in my opinion is that they started giving Kirsten and Sandy really hard hitting storylines. Season 1 was perfection with them two because their storylines were serious but written extremely fun. Think of the episode of The Heights, or the episode where Sandy finds out about Jimmy kissing her. Those episodes are fun and yes they argue but by the end of the episode they are tight as hell, even stronger and ready to face a new episode of drama.
Also there's hardly any scenes with the kids and the adults. This gets even worse in S3 but once they introduce Rebecca and then Carter it just started to spiral to S3 depressing territory. Like S1 with Rebecca constantly flirting and trying it on with Sandy is how you should be doing a "cheating" storyline. Not dull Rebecca and Carter who looks like he smells of vodka all the time.
Like I'm watching while episodes in S2 and I swear there's an episode where Sandy doesn't talk to Ryan once.. I'm like wtf how did this get approved? Instead they focus on such dull voting soap opera storylines like Rebecca and if she's alive or dead.
The score was still made by Christopher Tyng but it takes a MAJOR back seat and instead starts to rely on "real singing music" all the time. Which means your kicking a "hidden character" off the show.
The lighting starts to get darker also but not as depressing as S3 lighting.
This season is at its absolute best once they bring Trey back. Because it forces Sandy and Kirsten to be there for Ryan and it makes Ryan more S1 esque with the broodyness, hardly talking and fighting drama. By the end of S2 they try to do what early S1 did best with the kids, which was fighting, beaches, sexiness, parties, Ryan and his family etc. it heavily brings back the Cohens being there for Ryan feeling that S1 thrived upon.
I also think that in S1 they were all so like tanned and brown which made them full of life. But in S2 onwards everyone is so pale (besides a few characters) which doesn't make you feel good.
Ok that's my mini rant done. I've just entered Rebecca territory and I'm always skipping scenes. God help me in S3.
By the way I didn't skip One. Single. Scene. In season 1.

Hello! I'll be subbing for the rest of the school year for an intervention specialist at a middle school starting tomorrow (5th grade). I'll be subbing for the last 8 days of school.
I've technically substituted before, however, it was only for whenever my cooperating teacher was absent and therefore I was the main/only teacher in charge. I completed my student teaching this past semester at a elementary school (grades 1-4).
I would greatly appreciate any advice and tips y'all have for substituting at a middle school. Especially for special education. I already reached out to the teachers for schedules/sample lesson plans of the person I'm subbing for so I can somewhat know what to expect. Thank you in advance!!

I tried to post my opinion on Britt and Jaxs parenting in the other sub thinking it was this one on accident, and got banned for saying this, no reason given other than hate speech apparently lmfao.
‘I hate this show for making me sympathise with Jax Taylor!!
I have been a long time VPR viewer and recently just got caught up on the valley (my country is a week behind the US I believe), I have always detested Jax. He's great for reality tv but that man is psychopathic. I started the valley as a bit of a hate watch to see where he's at since losing VPR and being an out of work influencer BUT....
Instead I've found him to be the voice of reason in his marriage with Brittney (only in that context, he's still insane otherwise). I just watched the episode where he is continually trying to get Britt and her family to stop hyucking while Cruz is doing his speech therapy right there. He is clearly frustrated, mentioned that these lessons cost a lot in previous eps and as someone who worked with special needs kids for years, Cruz DESPERATELY needs that early intervention. It's the one thing I'll give Jax and Britt, the speech therapy is a good choice. But poor Cruz can barely hear his therapist or hear himself think bc of brittney. And then Britt acts like Jax is such an ass for saying anything.
Cut to another scene; Britt is putting so much pressure on Jax to have another child, while he logically lays out that Cruz clearly has additional needs that will take a lot, their 'business' (read the show) is taking off so they'll be busy, and it's just not the right time to add to that chaos.
Britt immediately starts gaslighting him that he's just reneging on their plans, which clearly when they they were pillow talking back in 2016 didn't consider the fact that their first child may be special needs. Plenty of special needs families are one and done, because it is significantly more demanding raising a child with additional needs. Plenty do have other children, and there's nothing wrong with it but Jax is right that right now, Cruz should be priority one.
Do I think Jax is objectively a great dad? Not sure. Do I think it's objectively just for Cruz and not also a convenient excuse to get out of a marriage he clearly never wanted that much? No. Do I think ha's the better of the two of them for Cruz? Yes. At least he's willing to acknowledge the additional needs and try to get Cruz the help he needs. And as a longtime Jax 'haydur' I both love and hate that he's actually being the voice of reason here.’

Guys I’m shattered, I messed up so much with procrastinating my coursework, for some reason I just can’t force myself to do it, even right now, I have a week left and basically half of it to do… I’ve become really chilled out with a “it will all work out” attitude, as I have safe offers, but i know if I just TRIED I could get into my favourite uni (Falmouth)🥲
I’ve always been a massive procrastinator, I literally did my portfolio in one day and my whole EPQ in about a month. But I got an A* on that, and all offers including an unconditional from my portfolio. It’s not great because I keep using this as an excuse to procrastinate everything else as well, like I will get lucky again.😭😭 The tutor marking my coursework hasn’t ever given me a good grade, always for some small reason. Twice now when I’ve questioned him on it, and shown him the places I did what he said I didn’t do, he backtracks and says something like “oh yes now that I look at it again it should’ve been higher”💀 So when I saw he was assigned my coursework it was just the nail in the coffin. Plus the fact I’m still procrastinating. I do it every time but I don’t know if I’ll be lucky this time again…
Also I’m not sure if I can even do more academics with the attitude I have. I just can’t force myself to care at all. 5 days left isn’t enough, it has to be 2 or even 1. Does anyone know how to fix this? Even though I’m technically safe, I will feel awful if I get a bad grade and have to go to a backup uni. Is it possible to ring unis up if you miss their offer by one grade? Someone tell me to go do my work please, the rant is over⚰️

So, I know this girl that goes to the same grade as me. She is quite nice and all, and i tried befriending her when she was a new student at my school. The thing is that, she sometimes annoys me, like a lot. I dont really like people who dont have a strong opinion on things that are subjects were you should have one. People can have different opinions but staying neutral is something that annoys me. She is the type of person to alwaysbbe neutral.
I had this situation were i had a fight with my friend group and after that she started to grew closer to them and she befriended the person that i was friends with before. Than, she joined one of my school clubs and got better at than me, which put me in a shadow and make coordinators acknowledge me less. Then when i mentioned the fact that i started to have a better relation with one of our coordinators, she started texting him non stop and had the best contact ever with him. Now i introduced her to one of my guy friends and for the last month they cant stop mentioning each other, texting non stop and just spending a lot of time together.
i kind of feel like im a third wheel in this situation and also feel jealous that she "steals the spot" which she isnt really doing but i just feel so. how should i deal with this feeling so that it wont interfere in my daily life and communicating with her ?

This girl, I've noticed her for the first time in middle school. She caught my eyes, yet remained a stranger in her own world. Something about this girl felt different about others. I rarely saw her speak or act, simply minding her own while on the way to school - which overlapped with mine. Even there she was not to be seen by me, mostly due to us being from different classes. Still, I recall seeing her on very few occasions, like field trips. I was not in love nor had a crush, though that was the time my curiosity began building up, wanting to know more about this girl.
It's an unexplainable feeling, really. Back then, I already got to recognize the sensation of romantic love, both its warmth and burden. Thoughts inside my head merely kept signaling, "I want to get to know her". Eventually, realizing we were still total strangers, I had no other option than to mind my own. This continued till the end of 9th grade.
Enter Highschool. Everything changes - new classmates, teachers, syllabus, higher pressure and what not. I didn't decide what to make of the new reality during the first few days, I simply rolled with it. Then came our first math class - to give some context, where I live, your level of math education is determined by 3 levels, with students from each level being grouped in separate math classes. As it turned out, that very same girl and I were grouped together in the same class.
​
From that moment onwards things accelerated. I began noticing her more thoroughly as time kept going. It may sound weird, but I remember even dreaming about her once, despite us not even speaking to one another. I don't know what was it with me, an infatuation, perhaps ? I still didn't feel it with her, but I like to believe (or maybe those are my delusions) I felt a certain connection: that girl kept to herself, had a composed mindset, she focused on reading books and was on her phone before the teacher got in - despite always being surrounded by her own wonderful friends. Coupled with her short height, I couldn't but think how cute she looks.
One day, at math class as usual, sitting at the table in front of me, this girl did something unimaginable to my head - she turned her sit around to face me, and abruptly exclaimed with a smile - "did you know that our little sister's, [x] and [Y], are best friends ?" - we had a very brief chat about it, including one of our past sudden altercations, by the end of which she turned away and got back to minding her own. This was.... a lot shocking to me than a third party would expect...
Till that point, in my opinion, life seemed very predictable, unimpressive and disappointing. I was the social loser who didn't get to make strong bonds past kindergarten, so I didn't have real, true friends - just a few buddies I seldom chatted with. Coinciding with moving to the city I live in now before starting Elementary, I was pretty much doomed to be lonely, so from then on I never imagined to socially amount to anything extraordinary, much less to speak with another female (which has always been more intimidating). Now, this girl whom I wished to know and was too enclosed to talk to, broke the endless time barrier to inform a small piece of information. To say this moment was a change of pace is an utter understatement. Talking to one another gave me a clearer insight as to who the girl is - as composed, focused and quiet as she was, I could sense in her angelic-like voice and the way her vocals switched a hidden enthusiasm, an undiscovered encircling joy. Her voice signaled that she was truly interested to speak with me, and despite trying to stay composed, I felt as if she planned this conversation sometime ahead out of shyness to construct an abrupt small talk. Her character made me for the first time consider if I fell for her. She was a somewhat shy, introverted person with joyful attitude, and overall seemed like a kind, positive gal, simply too quiet to present it to anyone at once. But I was stunned not just for her character - she was gorgeous. Talking to that girl and formally facing her for the first time made me notice things unnoticed before - her enchanting, glistening eyes, her beautiful dark blonde hair, the humble little ears and nose, including the overall shape of her face. I barely kept myself composed as we responded to one another due to all this shock instigated by understanding who she is, and learning we were - in a way - related (not biologically ofc). Felt like forever, yet lasted less than a minute.
Of course, I began pondering about her reason to reveal herself as my little sister's best friend's older sibling. Two days later (and another month after), that girl repeated the first event: turning herself around to face me, then striking out a conversation revolving around our little siblings. By the third altercation, getting more smitten by her after each one, my interest in her peaked.
Here's what felt fishy: Us not amounting to anything but strangers meant this girl could chat solely about something seemingly as unimportant to HS students as familial bonds. I should also mention that by this period half a year has flown by. If so, why would she bother herself to say these things ? Maybe she just cares for our sisters' friendship ? That still wouldn't explain the timing...
Perhaps I'm deluding myself, but my something is telling me she's fond of me. And I think I'm starting to actually like here back the more I think of her. Sharing the same class with her gets me out of bed every morning, and the first sight of this girl feels like being showered with roses. I cherish every glance I get at her because of the warmth it brings to my soul.
I wish I were right about her feelings towards me, however this is where the letter must leave the reader at a cliffhanger. I don't know if she likes me, thinks of me as I have of her. Nor do I, nor her, have the courage to ask each other due to our mental struggles. Looking back, I think it's my fault. I should have attempted to chat with her myself instead of letting her initiate ever chat, it would explain why she gave up on trying. She was braver than I, if I'm not mistaken. Maybe I really did let an opportunity slip, but that's a revelation to come. Best wishes, your fellow HS student.
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