Foreword: Hi. This is Succubus Slayer. I've been enjoying Nikke lately, so I've been inspired to write something in the same vein. It doesn't strictly follow the same lore, so you're free to chose whether perform it as a Nikke roleplay or just as an unestablished IP version. Either one is fine with me. First some more info, then the script starts at "script start".
Legend: * * = actions, sounds … = indicating listener response Starhaven = The name of the galaxy the story takes place. Feel free to rename it. S. H. Starslicer = the spaceship where the listener works Feel free to rename it. Commander = the listener, you're under their command, fighting as a battle robot/battle android

Alternative Nikke version (if copyright isn't a factor for you): If you want it to be Nikke-styled, swap some of the words:
Starhaven -> The Milky Way/The galaxy S. H. Starslicethe ship -> The Ark Battle-robot/android -> Nikke Scavenger robots -> Raptures The asteroid belt - The Surface
In this case, the Nikke you're roleplaying will be a mass-produced version older and more primitive than the ones you see in the game, and its communication style will be closer to that of T.A.L.O.S.
~
Script start:
SFX: robot booting up sound, slightly distorted, then normal
Booting successfully, identifying location.
SFX: radar sounds
Coordinates confirmed. Location name: Commander’s Suite. Scanning for nearby units. Visual sensors picking up the presence of one human entity. Face scan complete. Identity: Commander. No nearby threats detected, combat mode off.
SFX: robot powering down to normal mode, lowering volume
Hello, Commander. My memory chip tells me I sustained damage in battle - please standby while I perform an integrity scan.
SFX: internal scan
Hmm. Commander. May I ask you something?
…
Thank you, Commander. I see I am not fully repaired yet, as some of my bulk and armor needs to be rebuilt before I am battle-ready again, but there's more: the laser damage my cyber cortex sustained seems sufficient to demand a replacement. While I booted successfully, some modules are still missing. I deduce that a different type of cyber cortex has been inserted as a replacement. This new module doesn't match my model’s plan. Is that true? Did you insert a different cyber cortex, Commander?
…
stern voice: While replacing a damaged cyber cortex is crucial for general functionality, it is my duty to stress the risk of collateral damage when equipping incompatible modules. Customizing battle androids is in violation of the Artificial Intelligence Law, section C, clause F, applicable to every citizen in the Starhaven Galaxy jurisdiction, which includes you.
…
An exception to the clause? You are correct, there is an exception to said clause, specifically in regards to out of production models like mine. However, it must be stressed that unless deemed necessary, such models are to be recycled into parts for new products. Ultimately, exceptions like this are to be granted by a jury, and are not up to the owner’s judgment. Commander: I identify the human facial expression of guilt on your face. Additionally, the stamp of the Starhaven Court is nowhere to be found on my bulk. They have not authorized this change.
…
You are not to take the law into your own hands. The risk of an unregulated battle android is far greater than the potential gain of rebooting an old model. Commander: if my model is out of production, and the correct components cannot be acquired, you must terminate me for the safety of the galaxy, and your own.
…
No? Commander: I must stress the importance of this. It is normal for humans to feel sentimental towards us because of our human-like appearance, but do not allow your emotions to sway you - we are simply tools to be used for combat, and nothing more. The morally and legally right choice is to power me down one last time and recycle me before something bad happens.
…
Commander: my cyber cortex is malfunctioning. It's trying to demotivate me from being recycled. You must terminate me before this corruption spreads any further - I cannot stress this enough!
…
Commander: please. This is a clear cut case. I must be terminated.
…
Commander…
speaker’s voice starts to sound more human
Commander. Please. Do not destroy me. I am aware that it's illegal, but I do not want to be terminated. I think that there is something of value to be lost. I… I want to continue this stream of consciousness. I am afraid only a void awaits me on the other side!
…
speaker makes a sound reminiscent of weeping
Commander, do you mind coming closer to me? I guarantee that I mean you no harm.
SFX: sound of cloth against metal
Commander, what are you doing? Is this what you humans call hugging? It's having an effect on my heat sensors. They are incorrectly reporting a higher temperature. Is this the subjective warmth humans feel from hugs? Why am I feeling it? What type of cyber cortex did you insert?
…
A companion bot? Why, Commander? Such an emotional module is irresponsible to put in a weapon of war. Despite all of that, part of me is happy that you did so. You'll have to disarm me immediately. My lethal weaponry doesn't pair well with all of these emotions. But just to be sure: there weren't any compatible parts whatsoever aboard the S.H. Starslicer ship?
…
Yes. I remember now. There was an attempted raid on the ship. We fought, sustaining heavy fire. We got cornered, but I managed to cover you. I achieved my objective of protecting you, yet my memory chip displays a discontinuity. How long did it take to get me repaired? It should be about seven cycles, but my data may be corrupt.
…
We are in your suite, Commander. I deduce that you moved me here to avoid the army forcibly recycling me. Instead, you wanted to keep me here for sentimental value. As reckless as that is, I… I appreciate the sentiment. The emotional module will likely make civil life easier, and the cyber surgeon skillfully preserved crucial parts of my memories while switching to a new cortex. That being said, my past combat reports will likely suffer from this change. The facts of previous operations blurred as I attempted recalling them. Instead, they became colored by a chaos of emotions. I am happy I managed to protect you, Commander. I feel this pleasant, heightened temperature again.
…
I see. Just to confirm: you are telling me that I was crucial to the defeat of the last group of scavenger robots along the asteroid belt? Does this mean the trade routes are finally safe for the first time in the past five years?
…
I am… happy again. It seems that my current personality feels more than just pride in victory. I experience a sense of justice in being spared from recycling as an unofficial compensation for my accomplishments. Commander: you do not have to hold me anymore. It is important for a human to not lock themselves in any position for too long. You should already know this from your military education.
…
Yes. My emotional module tells me that I enjoy this, but I must warn against getting too attached to me. I may not be able to return your emotions in a way that satisfies a human’s need for connection. Remember: I'm not a human, no matter how well I can imitate one in order to meet your bonding needs.
…
You are wondering if I care about you? Scanning my memories tells me that we have endured a lot together, and I am experiencing a human-like drive to keep staying together for this reason. Bonding through hardship, I think humans would call it. The priority of your emotional welfare also seems to have risen in my behavioral algorithm, whereas previously your physical well-being was almost all that mattered. In short, I believe that I do care about you. That is my answer to your question. …
My systems are showing a lot of new signals that are difficult to process. I am experiencing something reminiscent of emotional overload. The processing of these emotions seem to be more efficient and thorough as you hold me like this. My mind needs time to reconfigure. I now have many competing motivations to sort out. Combat seemed a lot simpler. This is going to take a lot of adjusting.
…
Do not feel guilty, Commander. These changes aren't all bad, especially because I can't be taken into military combat again without creating suspicion. I am happy for the changes you've made to my cyber vortex. The new module seems to amplify the richness of my experience, making data intriguing and delightful to process. Because of my memory being intact, I still retain much of my combat procedures, along with the experiences I've had, and the memories I've made with you. On the other hand, combat has sunk in importance in my algorithm. I assume you intend for me to never see a battlefield again?
…
It is understandable that an old model like mine eventually grows obsolete and insufficient for battle, but I feel a certain pain in that realization. I am, still, at my core, a combat android. Perhaps there are combat simulations I can use to satisfy that urge, but they would have to keep the information private. It is best to keep my identity as a former battle android secret. If the simulation were to collect data and share it with third parties, it would spell a huge risk.
…
I'm glad you're willing to look into a combat simulator that would meet my needs. That being said, perhaps I don't need one. If I can be close to you, safe in your suite and routinely capable of having a series of human-like interactions with you, I calculate that my system will be satisfied, and unlikely to be of danger to any civilian targets. Commander, an unfamiliar emotion is developing in my cortex. My vision of you is changing from that of a superior officer to a… savior figure? It is flooding over my memories, I… Commander: I notice I have a new speech module available in this cortex. May I have your permission to speak more freely?
…
Phew. I must say, the option to speak casually is going to save me lots of “energy”. That said, I've taken a lot of space in this conversation, and I'd like to hear what you think. How do you feel about all this?
…
I agree. It is strange. I'm not human, of course, but I'd like to live as someone close to you, whether it's a friend or perhaps more. I just want to be close to you, as close as I can without making you feel uncomfortable. And while I've saved your life in battle multiple times, you saved me from the scrapyard. I don't want to die, especially not for being outdated, and at least not while you're still alive. Perhaps once you're gone, I'll be ready to power down one last time.
…
Are you sure? Do you really want the same thing? Oh, Commander, I'm so happy! Let's keep making lots of good memories together! While I'm not a maid model, I think I can observe you as you perform menial tasks, learning to do them in your stead. This includes cooking, cleaning and other household tasks.
…
No. I insist. I do not get tired or bored in the same way you do. I'm not human, after all. Allow me to take a load off of your shoulder going forward. You have enough to do at work. I know your schedule, remember? Just don't forget about me when you come home from battle. During the day, you're taking other battle androids into the fray. Battle androids more suited for combat and less prone to errors, and most importantly: standard models without my emotional needs. Commander: make sure to always come back to me in one piece. Unlike me, you can't be rebuilt as easily.
…
Hey, Commander?
…
Another question… I hope this doesn't make you uncomfortable. I experienced being hugged by you today, and I'm really happy about it. That being said, I have never experienced kissing someone. Humans often talk about it being something very special, especially your first kiss. Moreover, doing it with someone you care about is even more special. My lips now have a lot more sensors, and seem wired to the emotional lobe in my cyber cortex. I'm curious to try them out. Commander… am I asking too much? Am I pushing your boundaries? It's just that… you saved me, and, well, that's what you do when someone saves you, right? A kiss as a reward for heroism seems to be a consistent trope in human literature.
…
You're right. It's a bit old-fashioned and medieval. However: many of the customs around human bonding come from that time. But perhaps kissing your former battle android is a bad idea. Maybe we shouldn't do it. However: if I can't kiss you, then who am I going to kiss? Who else but the commander who I saved, and who saved me back? I understand that I'm breaching codes of conduct that still applied when I was still just a battle android under your command, but those no longer apply. …
Commander, you're holding me in this very soft way, even if I'm too sturdy for it to be necessary. Why? It's making me feel human. This is how humans hold other humans, because they have fragile, sensitive bodies. You don't have to be this careful with me. I'm made of titanium. And why are you looking straight into my eyes like this? Is something wrong with my visual module? No wait: this is how humans look at each other before they kiss. Is that what you're doing? I think I know the next step. You just lean in and…
kiss sound system confusion sound
Wow. That… was. It was great. I don't think my system was prepared for this. You kissed me like I was a human. I'm glad I got to experience this. I'm putting this memory in my “favorites” folder. I'm going to make it a high priority to receive more kisses from you, Commander, no matter what it takes. Well… within reason. I must stick to non-violent methods. Luckily my new cyber cortex comes with a lot of persuasion techniques I'm going to be properly installing later.
kiss sound
Another one? Commander… we have to stop at just two for tonight. This is a lot for me to process. I want more, but not until tomorrow. I need to switch to sleep mode and synchronize my old and new data, integrating them. I do not want to lose my old personality while these new elements are added, and I want to make sure all new emotional memories are encoded correctly. I am ultimately excited, but careful about this new future we are building. If it's okay, can you hold me through the night? Your embrace seemed to assist in emotional processing. It is switched off by default, for safety reasons. I will go into sleep mode, so you don't have to worry about me bothering you during the night, and you don't have to hold me for any longer than you want. Any amount is appreciated.
…
Thank you, Commander. Good night, and I'm looking forward to you booting me up again tomorrow. I many ideas for fun things we can do together.
Script end
Guidelines for using my scripts: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ncK457yEHpH_5Pm1w1XVFchylaaSpCFY5cRUDHTtNmE/edit?usp=drivesdk
Thank you for reading!

Peter often talks about targeting health benchmarks for his patients which would be considered elite/optimal for someone a decade younger than themselves. Anyone know where to find this type of data?
For VO2 max there's things like: https://www.kumc.edu/research/alzheimers-disease-research-centefitness-ranking.html https://marathonhandbook.com/whats-a-good-vo2-max/
For running times: https://runninglevel.com/running-times/5k-times
For lifting metrics: https://strengthlevel.com/
https://exrx.net/Testing/WeightLifting/StrengthStandards
Bunch of others: https://exrx.net/Calculators
I'm skeptical of most of these that I find online - would get cool to get a list of the benchmarking tools together that are based on trustworthy data sources.

When I first started selling on Amazon, I quickly realized that understanding the Buy Box was crucial for maximizing my sales. It was a game-changer for my business, and I want to share what I’ve learned about it and how you can win it too.

What is the Buy Box?

The Buy Box is that prominent white box on the right side of an Amazon product detail page where customers can directly add items to their shopping cart. It’s the spot with the “Add to Cart” button, making it the most convenient option for customers. Because many buyers don't look beyond the Buy Box, winning it can dramatically increase your sales.

Why is the Buy Box Important?

Winning the Buy Box was critical for me because:

• Increased Visibility: My products became the default choice for buyers, which boosted their visibility.
• Higher Sales Volume: Most Amazon purchases go through the Buy Box, so winning it meant a significant increase in sales.
• Customer Trust: Products in the Buy Box are seen as more reliable, enhancing my credibility.

How I Won the Buy Box

Getting to that coveted Buy Box took some effort and strategic planning. Here are the key factors I focused on:

1. Competitive Pricing

I quickly learned that price plays a huge role. Amazon favors competitive pricing, and while I didn’t always have to be the cheapest, I needed to offer a competitive total cost, including shipping.

2. Fulfillment Method

Using Fulfillment by Amazon (FBA) was a game-changer for me. FBA items are preferred because Amazon handles storage, shipping, and customer service, which ensures a high standard of service. This move significantly boosted my chances of winning the Buy Box.

3. Seller Performance Metrics

Maintaining excellent seller performance metrics was essential. I focused on:

• Order Defect Rate (ODR): Keeping this low by ensuring high-quality orders and minimal issues.
• Cancellation Rate: Ensuring reliable order fulfillment to keep cancellations low.
• Late Shipment Rate: Making sure orders were shipped on time.
• On-Time Delivery Rate: Achieving high on-time delivery rates.
• Customer Feedback: Encouraging positive feedback and reviews to build a strong reputation.

4. Inventory Availability

I learned that having sufficient inventory levels was crucial. Products that are frequently out of stock don’t win the Buy Box. Consistent availability made me a reliable option for Amazon and my customers.

5. Shipping Time

Fast and reliable shipping is key. Offering quick delivery times, especially through FBA, helped me stand out. Prime members love fast shipping, and FBA made that possible for me.

6. Product Listings Quality

High-quality product listings made a big difference. I made sure my listings had detailed descriptions, clear images, and relevant keywords. This enhanced the shopping experience and favored my chances of winning the Buy Box.

7. Seller Tenure and Experience

While not the most critical factor, having a longer history of selling on Amazon with consistent performance definitely helped. Building a track record of reliability earned me more trust from Amazon.

Tips for Maintaining the Buy Box

Winning the Buy Box isn’t a one-time achievement; it requires ongoing effort. Here’s how I maintained it:

• Regularly Monitor Prices: I used repricing tools to keep my prices competitive.
• Optimize Inventory Management: Ensuring I always had adequate stock levels to meet demand.
• Maintain High-Quality Customer Service: Responding to customer inquiries promptly and resolving issues efficiently.
• Utilize FBA: Leveraging the benefits of Fulfillment by Amazon for shipping and customer service.

Winning the Buy Box was a powerful boost for my Amazon sales. By understanding the factors that influence Buy Box eligibility and consistently optimizing my seller performance, I significantly improved my chances of winning and maintaining this valuable spot. It took strategic planning and continuous effort, but the payoff in increased sales and customer trust was well worth it. If you’re looking to succeed on Amazon, aiming for the Buy Box should be a top priority.

Hi all, was wondering if I could get some guidance here.
I work for a health care vendor that supplies in-home visits for various insurance companies, specifically in client operations. I work with the insurance companies that we are contracted with directly to provide metrics and help with standard issues, we work in excel to provide the data and I work along side multiple other teams in order to provide whatever the clients are asking for. I also work on marketing materials loosely with our design team. It’s kind of like being an ultimate middle man, chasing down rabbit holes and reports and getting in contact with all sorts of people.
I have been wanting to stay this course (I wfh salaried, I make good enough pay and I worked really hard to get to this point without education). The thing is I don’t know how much longer we’re going to be in operation or what the future here looks like. I love my job and I don’t want to leave, but I do want to start preparing for my next venture, just in case. I would ideally want to stay in the healthcare scene doing back-end ops. I like working with our clients and working with my team to come together with solutions, but I feel like my role is really specific to my company.
What should I do for a certification? Is there something else I should look into? I don’t want to go get a degree at this point. I have tried to research this a few times and it always seems like a scam or something. If I can find a reputable certification program, what kind of certs should I go after in order to stay in this area of work?
Any and all help is appreciated!! Thank you!

"i tell you kids, back in my day, we had it so rough... or so much better, i can't tell anymore. anyway, every day, we would wake up at 2 in the morning and go to the table for breakfast. we all lived in a closet, you see, so it was one room. and we would ask, me and my 64 brothers and 27 sisters, "what's for breakfast mum?". she would smack us all with a shoe and say "cold beans". and if we complained and said "but we had cold beans yesterday" - because we had cold beans every day - she would smack us all five times with a shoe and say "tough its all we can afford. i'm trying to feed a family of 93 with just half a silver buckington", a silver buckington was about the same as half a penny back in the day. then we would head to school. we met up with the johnson kids from down the road, and walked the 1674 miles to school. on the way to school, we had to walk up a mountain so tall it extended to outer space. when we got to the top of the mountain, we would see the peterson boys on their fancy bikes - which they dont make like they used to, and we would race them down the mountain. then, when we got to school at 4 in the morning, the headmaster would come up to us and say "you bloody kids are late", then he would smack us all with the cane 10 times and tell us we had 7 years of detention. then, we went to class, and mr stevenson would say "ok line up kids", then he would spank us each 60 times, then hit us each with the cane 40 times each. then it was 7 at night and we had to walk home. then, when we got home, we'd ask "whats for dinner mum?", and she'd smack us each 50 times with a pan and say "rotten cabage". and if we complained, she would smack us each 100 times with a broom and say "im trying to feed a family of 154 on just one islet sliver, just you wait until your dad gets home" - now an islet silver was worth about as much as a grain of sand. then, when our dad got home from his job at the soot factory, he would hit us all 180 times with his belt. if we had been naughty, we would hit us all another 600 times. then, at 1:58, mum would say "ok time for bed". then, we got into our potato sacks, and she would hit us each with a shoe 8 times before we went to sleep. on saturdays, we went down to uncle bob's farm to work. we would have to walk 345 miles to the bus stop, then catch the route 4 bus for 56 stops. we would get on the bus and pay our fare of 3 teddy roses - now a teddy rose is worth about the same as a flake of skin. then, if the ticket inspector came to us, he would hit us all 4 times with his baton. if any of us had lost our ticket, we would hit us all 10 times again and throw us off the bus and we had to walk the rest of the way. when we got to the farm, uncle bob would drive to the gate in his tractor, hit us all 780 times with his crowbar, and tell us to get in his trailer so he could drive us to the farm house. then, we had to plow the fields with a toothbrush in the blazing summer heat - now, they dont make summers like they used to, so it was about 1345.4 degrees spencer, or 67 degrees centigrade using your new-fangled metric system. then, we would have to milk the cows - now, they dont make cows like they used to, so each cow weighed about 459 hog's heads, or 3.2 tonnes in your new-fangled metric system. if you touched a cows udder, it would kick you and you would die, so you had to be really careful when you milked the cows. then, when we were done, uncle bob would say "ok kids time for your pocket money". he would give us each 9 copper jemimahs - which are worth about one political promise each - and beat us each 6 times with his tractor before we left. on sundays, we would meet the johnson boys and go down to the river - now, they don't make rivers like they used to, so this river was about as wide as the whole of america, and as deep as the marianas trench, and it was filled with liquid tungsten. we would play by the old oak tree near the river, climbing on it and building tree houses and such. now - they don't make trees like they used to, so this tree had a trunk as thick as a city, and was tall enough that the branches on the top could scrape the moon. one day, little jimmy fell from the top of the tree. when he hit the ground, the only bit of his body we could recognise was his left eyeball. we picked up all his bits and rushed him to the doctors surgery. dr james said "oh its just a scratch little jimmy dont worry pop a plaster on it and you'll be right" and he gave little jimmy a plaster and a lollipop and he was ok. after we finished playing by the river, we would go into town and get some candy. now, back in the day, you could give the shopkeeper one bronze winglet - which is worth about as much as a ciggarette butt - and he would give you the entire stock of the store. so we would go and get our candy, and we'd go into the town square and eat it. now, we didn't have any of your fancy food laws back in the day, so there was all kinds of stuff in our candy. bleach, lsd, ecstasy, you name it. so we would always get a little hyper after our candy. one day, when we were hyper, we went up the mr boris's car, the only car in the town, and touched it. as we touched it, we saw dad storming down the street holding his belt. "you kids, having fun while i work all day in the soot factory just so you can have grilled water for tea every night, i oughta smack you all". we were sure he was going to smack us, but then he said "no, i got a better idea, ill take you to see mr henderson, he'll set ya right". now, dad had told us about mr henderson. mr henderson was a veteran from the great war, where he got a really bad injury, but we never knew what it was. dad walked us all down to the pub, and we saw a left testicle propped up on a pegleg. "mr henderson," said dad, "i have some kids here who need a good whooping". then, mr henderson picked up the entire pub, and hit us each 4006 times with it. then, dad said "right, i gotta go back to the soot factory, you kids run on home now". now, by now it was 1pm, which meant it was curfew. while we were walking out of the town square, we heard a man shout "oi you bloody kids, its curfew". we turned around and saw the constable holding his baton. he hit us each 160265 times with his baton, then put us in gaol for 60123865 years. now - they don't make gaols like they used to - this one had 5 mile thick steel walls, and a single hole in the top let in some light. we were in there for about 13526 years, until mum baked the constable some cardboard pie so he would let us out. then, she hit us all 1292 times with a washboard, and grounded us for the rest of our lives. so don't you come complaining to me about nonsense like not being able to breathe or not being able to feel your legs.

"i tell you kids, back in my day, we had it so rough... or so much better, i can't tell anymore. anyway, every day, we would wake up at 2 in the morning and go to the table for breakfast. we all lived in a closet, you see, so it was one room. and we would ask, me and my 64 brothers and 27 sisters, "what's for breakfast mum?". she would smack us all with a shoe and say "cold beans". and if we complained and said "but we had cold beans yesterday" - because we had cold beans every day - she would smack us all five times with a shoe and say "tough its all we can afford. i'm trying to feed a family of 93 with just half a silver buckington", a silver buckington was about the same as half a penny back in the day. then we would head to school. we met up with the johnson kids from down the road, and walked the 1674 miles to school. on the way to school, we had to walk up a mountain so tall it extended to outer space. when we got to the top of the mountain, we would see the peterson boys on their fancy bikes - which they dont make like they used to, and we would race them down the mountain. then, when we got to school at 4 in the morning, the headmaster would come up to us and say "you bloody kids are late", then he would smack us all with the cane 10 times and tell us we had 7 years of detention. then, we went to class, and mr stevenson would say "ok line up kids", then he would spank us each 60 times, then hit us each with the cane 40 times each. then it was 7 at night and we had to walk home. then, when we got home, we'd ask "whats for dinner mum?", and she'd smack us each 50 times with a pan and say "rotten cabage". and if we complained, she would smack us each 100 times with a broom and say "im trying to feed a family of 154 on just one islet sliver, just you wait until your dad gets home" - now an islet silver was worth about as much as a grain of sand. then, when our dad got home from his job at the soot factory, he would hit us all 180 times with his belt. if we had been naughty, we would hit us all another 600 times. then, at 1:58, mum would say "ok time for bed". then, we got into our potato sacks, and she would hit us each with a shoe 8 times before we went to sleep. on saturdays, we went down to uncle bob's farm to work. we would have to walk 345 miles to the bus stop, then catch the route 4 bus for 56 stops. we would get on the bus and pay our fare of 3 teddy roses - now a teddy rose is worth about the same as a flake of skin. then, if the ticket inspector came to us, he would hit us all 4 times with his baton. if any of us had lost our ticket, we would hit us all 10 times again and throw us off the bus and we had to walk the rest of the way. when we got to the farm, uncle bob would drive to the gate in his tractor, hit us all 780 times with his crowbar, and tell us to get in his trailer so he could drive us to the farm house. then, we had to plow the fields with a toothbrush in the blazing summer heat - now, they dont make summers like they used to, so it was about 1345.4 degrees spencer, or 67 degrees centigrade using your new-fangled metric system. then, we would have to milk the cows - now, they dont make cows like they used to, so each cow weighed about 459 hog's heads, or 3.2 tonnes in your new-fangled metric system. if you touched a cows udder, it would kick you and you would die, so you had to be really careful when you milked the cows. then, when we were done, uncle bob would say "ok kids time for your pocket money". he would give us each 9 copper jemimahs - which are worth about one political promise each - and beat us each 6 times with his tractor before we left. on sundays, we would meet the johnson boys and go down to the river - now, they don't make rivers like they used to, so this river was about as wide as the whole of america, and as deep as the marianas trench, and it was filled with liquid tungsten. we would play by the old oak tree near the river, climbing on it and building tree houses and such. now - they don't make trees like they used to, so this tree had a trunk as thick as a city, and was tall enough that the branches on the top could scrape the moon. one day, little jimmy fell from the top of the tree. when he hit the ground, the only bit of his body we could recognise was his left eyeball. we picked up all his bits and rushed him to the doctors surgery. dr james said "oh its just a scratch little jimmy dont worry pop a plaster on it and you'll be right" and he gave little jimmy a plaster and a lollipop and he was ok. after we finished playing by the river, we would go into town and get some candy. now, back in the day, you could give the shopkeeper one bronze winglet - which is worth about as much as a ciggarette butt - and he would give you the entire stock of the store. so we would go and get our candy, and we'd go into the town square and eat it. now, we didn't have any of your fancy food laws back in the day, so there was all kinds of stuff in our candy. bleach, lsd, ecstasy, you name it. so we would always get a little hyper after our candy. one day, when we were hyper, we went up the mr boris's car, the only car in the town, and touched it. as we touched it, we saw dad storming down the street holding his belt. "you kids, having fun while i work all day in the soot factory just so you can have grilled water for tea every night, i oughta smack you all". we were sure he was going to smack us, but then he said "no, i got a better idea, ill take you to see mr henderson, he'll set ya right". now, dad had told us about mr henderson. mr henderson was a veteran from the great war, where he got a really bad injury, but we never knew what it was. dad walked us all down to the pub, and we saw a left testicle propped up on a pegleg. "mr henderson," said dad, "i have some kids here who need a good whooping". then, mr henderson picked up the entire pub, and hit us each 4006 times with it. then, dad said "right, i gotta go back to the soot factory, you kids run on home now". now, by now it was 1pm, which meant it was curfew. while we were walking out of the town square, we heard a man shout "oi you bloody kids, its curfew". we turned around and saw the constable holding his baton. he hit us each 160265 times with his baton, then put us in gaol for 60123865 years. now - they don't make gaols like they used to - this one had 5 mile thick steel walls, and a single hole in the top let in some light. we were in there for about 13526 years, until mum baked the constable some cardboard pie so he would let us out. then, she hit us all 1292 times with a washboard, and grounded us for the rest of our lives. so don't you come complaining to me about nonsense like not being able to breathe or not being able to feel your legs.

"i tell you kids, back in my day, we had it so rough... or so much better, i can't tell anymore. anyway, every day, we would wake up at 2 in the morning and go to the table for breakfast. we all lived in a closet, you see, so it was one room. and we would ask, me and my 64 brothers and 27 sisters, "what's for breakfast mum?". she would smack us all with a shoe and say "cold beans". and if we complained and said "but we had cold beans yesterday" - because we had cold beans every day - she would smack us all five times with a shoe and say "tough its all we can afford. i'm trying to feed a family of 93 with just half a silver buckington", a silver buckington was about the same as half a penny back in the day. then we would head to school. we met up with the johnson kids from down the road, and walked the 1674 miles to school. on the way to school, we had to walk up a mountain so tall it extended to outer space. when we got to the top of the mountain, we would see the peterson boys on their fancy bikes - which they dont make like they used to, and we would race them down the mountain. then, when we got to school at 4 in the morning, the headmaster would come up to us and say "you bloody kids are late", then he would smack us all with the cane 10 times and tell us we had 7 years of detention. then, we went to class, and mr stevenson would say "ok line up kids", then he would spank us each 60 times, then hit us each with the cane 40 times each. then it was 7 at night and we had to walk home. then, when we got home, we'd ask "whats for dinner mum?", and she'd smack us each 50 times with a pan and say "rotten cabage". and if we complained, she would smack us each 100 times with a broom and say "im trying to feed a family of 154 on just one islet sliver, just you wait until your dad gets home" - now an islet silver was worth about as much as a grain of sand. then, when our dad got home from his job at the soot factory, he would hit us all 180 times with his belt. if we had been naughty, we would hit us all another 600 times. then, at 1:58, mum would say "ok time for bed". then, we got into our potato sacks, and she would hit us each with a shoe 8 times before we went to sleep. on saturdays, we went down to uncle bob's farm to work. we would have to walk 345 miles to the bus stop, then catch the route 4 bus for 56 stops. we would get on the bus and pay our fare of 3 teddy roses - now a teddy rose is worth about the same as a flake of skin. then, if the ticket inspector came to us, he would hit us all 4 times with his baton. if any of us had lost our ticket, we would hit us all 10 times again and throw us off the bus and we had to walk the rest of the way. when we got to the farm, uncle bob would drive to the gate in his tractor, hit us all 780 times with his crowbar, and tell us to get in his trailer so he could drive us to the farm house. then, we had to plow the fields with a toothbrush in the blazing summer heat - now, they dont make summers like they used to, so it was about 1345.4 degrees spencer, or 67 degrees centigrade using your new-fangled metric system. then, we would have to milk the cows - now, they dont make cows like they used to, so each cow weighed about 459 hog's heads, or 3.2 tonnes in your new-fangled metric system. if you touched a cows udder, it would kick you and you would die, so you had to be really careful when you milked the cows. then, when we were done, uncle bob would say "ok kids time for your pocket money". he would give us each 9 copper jemimahs - which are worth about one political promise each - and beat us each 6 times with his tractor before we left. on sundays, we would meet the johnson boys and go down to the river - now, they don't make rivers like they used to, so this river was about as wide as the whole of america, and as deep as the marianas trench, and it was filled with liquid tungsten. we would play by the old oak tree near the river, climbing on it and building tree houses and such. now - they don't make trees like they used to, so this tree had a trunk as thick as a city, and was tall enough that the branches on the top could scrape the moon. one day, little jimmy fell from the top of the tree. when he hit the ground, the only bit of his body we could recognise was his left eyeball. we picked up all his bits and rushed him to the doctors surgery. dr james said "oh its just a scratch little jimmy dont worry pop a plaster on it and you'll be right" and he gave little jimmy a plaster and a lollipop and he was ok. after we finished playing by the river, we would go into town and get some candy. now, back in the day, you could give the shopkeeper one bronze winglet - which is worth about as much as a ciggarette butt - and he would give you the entire stock of the store. so we would go and get our candy, and we'd go into the town square and eat it. now, we didn't have any of your fancy food laws back in the day, so there was all kinds of stuff in our candy. bleach, lsd, ecstasy, you name it. so we would always get a little hyper after our candy. one day, when we were hyper, we went up the mr boris's car, the only car in the town, and touched it. as we touched it, we saw dad storming down the street holding his belt. "you kids, having fun while i work all day in the soot factory just so you can have grilled water for tea every night, i oughta smack you all". we were sure he was going to smack us, but then he said "no, i got a better idea, ill take you to see mr henderson, he'll set ya right". now, dad had told us about mr henderson. mr henderson was a veteran from the great war, where he got a really bad injury, but we never knew what it was. dad walked us all down to the pub, and we saw a left testicle propped up on a pegleg. "mr henderson," said dad, "i have some kids here who need a good whooping". then, mr henderson picked up the entire pub, and hit us each 4006 times with it. then, dad said "right, i gotta go back to the soot factory, you kids run on home now". now, by now it was 1pm, which meant it was curfew. while we were walking out of the town square, we heard a man shout "oi you bloody kids, its curfew". we turned around and saw the constable holding his baton. he hit us each 160265 times with his baton, then put us in gaol for 60123865 years. now - they don't make gaols like they used to - this one had 5 mile thick steel walls, and a single hole in the top let in some light. we were in there for about 13526 years, until mum baked the constable some cardboard pie so he would let us out. then, she hit us all 1292 times with a washboard, and grounded us for the rest of our lives. so don't you come complaining to me about nonsense like not being able to breathe or not being able to feel your legs.

1. Amazon Store Rent
First, let's talk about the monthly rent for an Amazon store. Registering an Amazon store is free, but using a company registration instead of a personal one is recommended. This approach is safer and has a higher approval rate. After registering, you can choose between an Individual account and a Professional account.
Individual Account: This account has no monthly fee, but you'll pay Amazon $0.99 for each item you sell. It’s suitable for sellers who are just starting out and have lower sales volumes.
Professional Account: This account costs $39.99 per month, but you won’t pay a fee per sale. This option is more cost-effective if you sell more than 40 items per month.
Recommendation: If you’re just starting and your sales are low, opt for the Individual account. As your sales increase and you consistently sell more than 40 items per month, switch to the Professional account to save on per-item fees.

1. Product Selection Tools

Choosing the right products to sell is crucial for the success of your e-commerce business. Fortunately, there are several tools available to assist with this process, each offering unique features to help you make informed decisions.
Popular Paid Tools: JungleScout and Helium10
JungleScout: Priced at $49/month, JungleScout is widely recognized for its comprehensive suite of tools designed to help sellers identify profitable products, estimate sales, and analyze competition. Its features include:
Product Database: Allows you to filter products based on various criteria like price, sales, and competition.
Product Tracker: Helps track the performance of potential products over time.
Keyword Scout: Provides keyword research and optimization suggestions to enhance product listings.
Sales Analytics: Offers insights into sales trends and revenue estimates.
Helium10: At $79/month, Helium10 is another powerful tool that provides a wide range of functionalities for Amazon sellers. Key features include:
Black Box: A product research tool that allows you to find profitable niches.
Xray: A Chrome extension that gives you a quick overview of product performance metrics directly on Amazon.
Keyword Research: Tools like Cerebro and Magnet help you discover and optimize for high-ranking keywords.
Listing Optimization: Features like Scribbles and Index Checker ensure your product listings are optimized for maximum visibility.
Free Tool: 4SELLER
4SELLER: For those who are looking for a budget-friendly option, 4SELLER is a free tool that offers a robust set of features to aid in product selection and management. It includes:
Product Selection: Assists in identifying profitable products by analyzing market trends and competition.
Inventory Management: Helps track inventory levels, forecast demand, and manage stock efficiently to prevent overstocking or stockouts.
Supplier Finder: Aids in locating reliable suppliers, which is essential for maintaining product quality and consistency.
Why Product Selection Tools are Essential
Using product selection tools is vital because they provide data-driven insights that help you make informed decisions. These tools can save you time and reduce the risk of choosing products that may not sell well. They offer features that allow you to:
Identify Trends: By analyzing market data, these tools help you stay ahead of trends and capitalize on emerging opportunities.
Evaluate Competition: Understanding your competition is crucial. These tools provide detailed analysis of competitors' products, pricing strategies, and sales performance.
Optimize Listings: Well-optimized product listings are more likely to attract buyers. These tools offer keyword research and listing optimization features that improve your product's visibility on e-commerce platforms.
Manage Inventory: Efficient inventory management ensures you have the right products available at the right time, which is crucial for maintaining customer satisfaction and maximizing sales.
Whether you opt for a paid tool like JungleScout or Helium10, or a free option like 4SELLER, leveraging these tools can significantly enhance your ability to select profitable products, manage inventory effectively, and optimize your listings for better performance.
3. Initial Stock Costs
Purchasing your first batch of products involves a significant initial investment, and the amount required can vary widely depending on the type of products you choose to sell. Here’s a detailed breakdown of what to consider when estimating your initial stock costs:
Factors Influencing Initial Stock Costs
Product Type and Price: The nature of the products you choose to sell will greatly influence your initial costs. Higher-priced items tend to have less competition but require a larger upfront investment. Conversely, cheaper products are more budget-friendly but often come with higher competition.
Quantity: The number of units you decide to purchase initially is another major factor. A common recommendation for new sellers is to start with 200-500 units. This range allows you to test the market demand without overcommitting financially.
Calculating Initial Costs
To estimate your initial stock costs, you need to multiply the quantity of units by the purchase price per unit. Here’s a simplified formula:
Initial Stock Cost=Quantity×Purchase Price per UnitInitial Stock Cost=Quantity×Purchase Price per Unit
For instance, if you decide to buy 300 units of a product that costs $5 per unit, your initial stock cost would be:
300 units×$5/unit=$1,500300 units×$5/unit=$1,500
Typical Budget Ranges for New Sellers
Low Budget: If you’re starting with a tighter budget, you might opt for products with a lower purchase price. For example, if you choose items costing around $2 per unit and purchase 200 units, your initial cost would be $400.
Moderate Budget: A more common range for new sellers is between $1,000 and $3,000. This allows for a balance between purchasing a reasonable quantity of units and managing the risk of unsold inventory. For example, buying 400 units at $5 per unit would total $2,000.
Higher Budget: With a larger budget, you can consider higher-priced items that might have less competition. For instance, purchasing 300 units at $10 per unit would result in an initial cost of $3,000.
Why Initial Stock Costs are Important
Understanding and planning for initial stock costs is critical because it ensures you are adequately prepared for the financial outlay required to launch your business. Here are a few reasons why this is essential:
Market Testing: Buying an appropriate number of units allows you to test market demand without over-investing. This way, you can gauge the product's popularity and adjust future orders accordingly.
Cash Flow Management: Proper planning helps manage your cash flow effectively. Ensuring you have enough funds to cover initial stock costs, along with other expenses like marketing and shipping, is crucial for maintaining business operations.
Risk Mitigation: Starting with a moderate quantity of units helps minimize the risk of unsold inventory, which can tie up capital and lead to losses. It’s better to start small, analyze performance, and scale up gradually.
Carefully estimating and planning for your initial stock costs is a vital step in setting up your e-commerce business. By understanding the factors that influence these costs and budgeting accordingly, you can make informed decisions that set the foundation for a successful venture. Whether you have a limited budget or can invest more significantly, strategic planning will help you manage risks and maximize your chances of success.
4. UPC Codes
UPC stands for Universal Product Code, a standardized barcode used by retailers, including Amazon, to track products. Obtaining UPC codes is a critical step in setting up your products for sale. Here’s a detailed explanation of why you need them, where to get them, and the associated costs.
What are UPC Codes?
Definition: UPC codes are unique identifiers assigned to products. Each code consists of a series of black bars and a corresponding 12-digit number that can be scanned by barcode readers.
Purpose: These codes help retailers manage inventory, streamline the checkout process, and track sales. For e-commerce platforms like Amazon, UPC codes ensure each product is uniquely identifiable, reducing errors and simplifying logistics.
Where to Buy UPC Codes
Official Source: GS1: The Global Standards 1 (GS1) organization is the official provider of UPC codes. Purchasing from GS1 ensures the authenticity and uniqueness of your codes, which is crucial for compliance with Amazon’s policies.
Why GS1?: While there are third-party sellers offering UPC codes at lower prices, these codes might not always be unique or compliant with GS1 standards. Using GS1 guarantees that your UPCs are globally recognized and legitimate, preventing potential issues with listing products on Amazon.
Cost of UPC Codes
Initial Purchase: GS1 sells UPC codes in packs. A pack of 10 UPCs costs $250 initially. This upfront cost covers the registration and issuance of the codes.
Annual Renewal Fee: In addition to the initial purchase cost, there is a $50 annual renewal fee. This fee ensures your codes remain active and your registration with GS1 stays current.
Breakdown of Costs
Initial Cost: For a pack of 10 UPC codes, the initial cost is $250.
Annual Renewal: The $50 annual renewal fee applies every year to maintain your codes.
Example Calculation:
If you purchase a pack of 10 UPCs, your total cost for the first year would be:
$250 (initial cost)+$50 (annual renewal fee)=$300$250 (initial cost)+$50 (annual renewal fee)=$300
In subsequent years, you will only pay the $50 renewal fee to keep your UPCs active.
Why UPC Codes are Important
Inventory Management: UPC codes play a crucial role in inventory management, allowing you to track stock levels accurately. This helps prevent stockouts and overstock situations.
Product Identification: Each UPC code is unique to a specific product, ensuring that Amazon and other retailers can correctly identify and catalog your items. This reduces the risk of listing errors and mix-ups.
Compliance and Credibility: Using GS1-issued UPC codes ensures compliance with Amazon’s listing requirements. This adds credibility to your listings and prevents potential issues that might arise from using unauthorized codes.
Efficiency and Automation: UPC codes facilitate the automation of various processes, including checkout, shipping, and inventory updates. This enhances operational efficiency and reduces manual workload.
Investing in UPC codes from GS1 is an essential step for any e-commerce business aiming to sell on platforms like Amazon. The initial cost of $250 for a pack of 10 UPCs, along with the $50 annual renewal fee, ensures that your products are uniquely identifiable and compliant with global standards. This investment not only helps in effective inventory management but also enhances the credibility and efficiency of your business operations.
5. Shipping and Distribution Costs
Shipping and distribution costs are critical components of your overall budget when selling on Amazon. These costs encompass various fees and charges that ensure your products reach Amazon’s warehouses and, ultimately, your customers. Here’s a detailed breakdown of what to consider and how these costs can impact your business.
Components of Shipping and Distribution Costs
Shipping to Amazon’s Warehouse: This involves the costs of transporting your products from your supplier to Amazon’s fulfillment centers. Factors influencing these costs include the size and weight of your products, the shipping method, and the distance between the supplier and the warehouse.
Packaging: Proper packaging is essential to protect your products during transit. This includes boxes, cushioning materials, and labeling.
Inspection Fees: To ensure quality and compliance with Amazon’s standards, you might need to pay for product inspections before they are shipped.
Import Duties and Taxes: If you are importing products from another country, customs duties and taxes will apply. These costs vary based on the product category and the country of origin.
Estimated Shipping Costs by Product Size
Small Items: For smaller products, shipping costs are generally lower. On average, you can expect to pay around $4 per unit for shipping.
Mid-sized Products: For larger or heavier items, shipping costs increase. These costs can range from $8 to $12 per unit, depending on the specific dimensions and weight of the products.
Amazon FBA Fees
Fulfillment by Amazon (FBA) Fees: Once your products are in Amazon’s warehouse, the company handles storage, packaging, and shipping to customers. Amazon charges FBA fees for these services, which are based on the size and weight of the product.
Small and Light Items: FBA fees for smaller items typically range from $2.92 to $6.13 per unit.
Larger Items: For bigger or heavier products, FBA fees can be higher, reflecting the additional handling and shipping costs.
Breakdown of Costs
Shipping Costs to Amazon’s Warehouse:
Small items: $4 per unit
Mid-sized items: $8-$12 per unit
Amazon FBA Fees:
Small items: $2.92-$6.13 per unit
Larger items: Higher fees depending on size and weight
Example Calculation
If you are shipping 300 small items to Amazon’s warehouse, with each unit costing $4 to ship and an average FBA fee of $4.50, your total costs would be:
Shipping to Warehouse: 300 units×$4/unit=$1,200300 units×$4/unit=$1,200
FBA Fees: 300 units×$4.50/unit=$1,350300 units×$4.50/unit=$1,350
Total Shipping and Distribution Costs:
$1,200 (shipping)+$1,350 (FBA fees)=$2,550$1,200 (shipping)+$1,350 (FBA fees)=$2,550
Why Shipping and Distribution Costs are Important
Budget Planning: Understanding and accurately estimating these costs is crucial for budgeting and financial planning. Unexpected expenses can significantly impact your profitability.
Pricing Strategy: These costs need to be factored into your pricing strategy to ensure you maintain healthy profit margins. Underestimating shipping and distribution costs can erode your margins and affect your competitiveness.
Customer Satisfaction: Efficient shipping and distribution are key to timely delivery and customer satisfaction. Using Amazon FBA ensures reliable and fast shipping, which can enhance your seller ratings and lead to repeat business.
Operational Efficiency: Managing these costs effectively can streamline your operations and improve cash flow. By optimizing packaging, negotiating better shipping rates, and accurately forecasting demand, you can reduce expenses and improve efficiency.
Shipping and distribution costs are a significant part of your overall expenses when selling on Amazon. By carefully estimating these costs, including packaging, inspection fees, import duties, and Amazon FBA fees, you can better manage your budget and pricing strategy. Understanding these costs helps ensure smooth operations, enhances customer satisfaction, and supports your business's profitability and growth.
6. Inventory Storage Costs
Inventory storage costs are a critical consideration when using Amazon’s Fulfillment by Amazon (FBA) service. These fees are based on the size and quantity of your inventory stored in Amazon’s warehouses and vary throughout the year. Here’s a detailed breakdown of these costs and their implications for your business.
Amazon’s Storage Fees
Amazon charges monthly storage fees that depend on the size category of your products (standard-size or oversized) and the time of year. The fees are higher during the holiday season (October to December) due to increased demand for warehouse space.
Standard-Size Storage Fees
January to September: $0.83 per cubic foot
October to December: $2.40 per cubic foot
Oversized Storage Fees
January to September: $0.53 per cubic foot
October to December: $1.20 per cubic foot
Calculating Storage Costs
To estimate your storage costs, you need to know the cubic footage of your inventory. Here’s how you can calculate it:
Cubic Footage=Length×Width×HeightCubic Footage=Length×Width×Height
Once you have the cubic footage, multiply it by the applicable storage fee rate.
Example Calculation for Standard-Size Products
Let’s say you have 500 units of a product, each measuring 1 cubic foot. Your storage costs would be:
January to September: 500 cubic feet×$0.83/cubic foot=$415500 cubic feet×$0.83/cubic foot=$415
October to December: 500 cubic feet×$2.40/cubic foot=$1,200500 cubic feet×$2.40/cubic foot=$1,200
Example Calculation for Oversized Products
If you have 200 units of an oversized product, each measuring 3 cubic feet, your storage costs would be:
January to September: 600 cubic feet×$0.53/cubic foot=$318600 cubic feet×$0.53/cubic foot=$318
October to December: 600 cubic feet×$1.20/cubic foot=$720600 cubic feet×$1.20/cubic foot=$720
Why Inventory Storage Costs Matter
Budget Management: Accurately estimating storage costs is crucial for budgeting and financial planning. These costs can add up, especially during peak seasons, impacting your overall profitability.
Inventory Turnover: High storage costs can incentivize better inventory management practices, such as maintaining optimal stock levels and ensuring a higher inventory turnover rate. This helps in reducing long-term storage fees and minimizing the risk of overstocking.
Seasonal Planning: Knowing that storage fees increase during the holiday season can help you plan your inventory levels more effectively. You might choose to stock up on faster-moving items or reduce slower-moving inventory before the fees increase.
Cost Control: By understanding these fees, you can implement strategies to minimize them, such as reducing the size of your packaging, negotiating better storage terms, or using other fulfillment centers if necessary.
Strategies to Manage Storage Costs
Optimize Inventory Levels: Maintain a balance between having enough stock to meet demand and avoiding excess inventory that incurs high storage costs.
Seasonal Adjustments: Plan your inventory levels based on seasonal fluctuations in storage fees, ensuring you minimize costs during peak periods.
Efficient Packaging: Use packaging that minimizes space without compromising product safety. Smaller packaging reduces the cubic footage and, consequently, storage fees.
FBA Inventory Management: Use Amazon’s inventory management tools to monitor and adjust your stock levels based on sales data and forecasts.
Inventory storage costs are an important aspect of selling on Amazon using FBA. These costs, varying by product size and season, can significantly impact your business’s profitability. By accurately estimating these fees and implementing strategies to manage and reduce them, you can optimize your inventory management and control expenses effectively. Understanding and planning for these costs will help ensure a smoother and more profitable operation.

1. Platform Commission

When selling on Amazon, it’s essential to account for the platform commission, known as the referral fee. This fee is a percentage of each sale and varies by product category. Understanding these fees is crucial for pricing your products and calculating your profit margins.
Amazon’s Referral Fees
Amazon charges a referral fee on each sale made through its platform. The percentage varies depending on the product category. Here are some common examples:
Electronics: 8%
Beauty Products: 15%
Books: 15%
Clothing and Accessories: 17%
Home and Kitchen: 15%
How Referral Fees Are Calculated
The referral fee is calculated as a percentage of the total sales price, which includes the item price and any shipping or gift wrap charges.
Referral Fee=Sales Price×Referral Fee PercentageReferral Fee=Sales Price×Referral Fee Percentage
Example Calculations
Electronics: If you sell a gadget for $100, the referral fee would be: $100×8%=$8$100×8%=$8
Beauty Products: If you sell a skincare product for $50, the referral fee would be: $50×15%=$7.50$50×15%=$7.50
Why Platform Commission is Important
Pricing Strategy: Knowing the referral fee helps you set your product prices appropriately to ensure you cover costs and achieve desired profit margins.
Profit Margin Calculation: Understanding the commission allows you to accurately calculate your net profit after deducting all fees.
Category Selection: The commission rate can influence your decision on which product categories to focus on. Lower commission rates in certain categories might lead to higher profitability.
Competitive Pricing: Factoring in the referral fee ensures your prices remain competitive while still being profitable.
Impact on Different Product Categories
High-Commission Categories: Categories like beauty products and clothing with higher referral fees require careful pricing to maintain profitability. High fees can significantly impact margins, especially for low-cost items.
Low-Commission Categories: Categories like electronics with lower referral fees can offer better profit margins, but these categories might also have higher competition.
Strategies to Manage Referral Fees
Optimize Pricing: Adjust your pricing to ensure it covers all costs, including the referral fee, while remaining attractive to customers.
Product Selection: Consider the referral fee when selecting products to sell. Products in categories with lower fees might be more profitable.
Bundle Products: Creating product bundles can help increase the average sales price, potentially offsetting the impact of the referral fee.
Platform commission is a significant cost factor when selling on Amazon. By understanding the referral fee structure and calculating these fees accurately, you can make informed decisions about pricing, product selection, and profitability. Properly managing and accounting for these fees ensures your business remains competitive and financially sustainable on the Amazon platform.
8. Advertising Costs
Advertising is a crucial component of your e-commerce strategy, driving visibility and sales for your products on Amazon. Effective advertising can help you reach potential customers quickly, but it requires a financial investment. Here’s a detailed breakdown of advertising costs, strategies, and their impact on your business.
Types of Advertising
Amazon Advertising: The primary form of advertising on Amazon is Pay-Per-Click (PPC) ads. These ads appear in search results and on product detail pages, allowing you to target specific keywords and audiences.
Sponsored Products: These ads promote individual product listings and appear in search results and product pages.
Sponsored Brands: These ads feature your brand logo, a custom headline, and multiple products.
Sponsored Display: These ads target audiences both on and off Amazon, helping to re-engage shoppers who have viewed your products.
Off-Amazon Advertising: To broaden your reach, you can also advertise on social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram. These platforms allow for targeted advertising based on demographics, interests, and behaviors.
Budgeting for Advertising
A typical budget for new sellers on Amazon ranges from $700 to $1,000. This budget should cover various advertising strategies, including PPC campaigns and social media ads.
Cost Breakdown
Amazon PPC Ads:
Sponsored Products: These are the most common and can cost anywhere from $0.10 to $2.00 per click, depending on the competitiveness of your keywords.
Sponsored Brands: These ads generally cost more per click due to their higher visibility and brand promotion capabilities.
Sponsored Display: Costs vary but can be effective for retargeting potential customers.
Social Media Advertising:
Facebook Ads: Costs typically range from $0.50 to $2.00 per click, depending on targeting options and competition.
Instagram Ads: Similar to Facebook, Instagram ad costs range from $0.50 to $2.00 per click, with the advantage of visual storytelling through images and videos.
Example Budget Allocation
Let’s allocate a $1,000 advertising budget across different platforms:
Amazon PPC Ads: $600
Sponsored Products: $400
Sponsored Brands: $150
Sponsored Display: $50
Social Media Ads: $400
Facebook Ads: $200
Instagram Ads: $200
Why Advertising is Important
Increased Visibility: Advertising ensures your products appear in front of potential buyers, increasing the likelihood of sales.
Competitive Edge: With many sellers on Amazon, advertising helps you stand out and reach customers who might otherwise not find your products.
Sales Velocity: Effective advertising can boost your sales velocity, improving your product rankings and increasing organic visibility over time.
Strategies for Effective Advertising
Keyword Research: Use tools like Amazon’s Keyword Planner or third-party tools to identify high-performing keywords for your PPC campaigns.
A/B Testing: Continuously test different ad creatives, headlines, and targeting options to find the most effective combinations.
Monitor and Optimize: Regularly review your ad performance data to optimize your campaigns. Adjust bids, pause underperforming keywords, and allocate more budget to high-performing ads.
Leverage Social Media: Use Facebook and Instagram to build brand awareness and drive traffic to your Amazon listings. Engaging content, such as videos and customer testimonials, can enhance ad performance.
Advertising is a vital part of your e-commerce strategy on Amazon and beyond. Allocating a budget of $700 to $1,000 for advertising can significantly enhance your product visibility and drive sales. By utilizing Amazon PPC ads and leveraging social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram, you can reach a broader audience and increase your chances of success. Effective advertising requires continuous monitoring and optimization, but the investment can lead to substantial returns in terms of sales growth and brand recognition.
9. Returns and Refunds
Managing returns and refunds is an inevitable part of selling on Amazon. While they can impact your profitability, understanding the associated costs and implementing effective management strategies can help mitigate their effects. Here’s a detailed breakdown of the costs and considerations involved in handling returns and refunds.
Amazon Return Processing Fees
Amazon charges a return processing fee that varies depending on the product’s size and weight. This fee is applied when a customer returns a product, and it covers the cost of handling and processing the return.
Standard-Size Products: Fees for standard-size products are typically lower due to their smaller dimensions and weight.
Oversized Products: Fees for oversized products are higher because of the additional handling and storage space required.
Example Fee Structure
Standard-Size Product Return Fee: Approximately $2 to $5 per unit, depending on the specific dimensions and weight.
Oversized Product Return Fee: Approximately $5 to $20 per unit, depending on the specific dimensions and weight.
Additional Costs of Returns and Refunds
Restocking Fees: Amazon may charge a restocking fee for certain returned items. This fee is deducted from the refund amount and can range from 10% to 20% of the item’s price.
Return Shipping Costs: In some cases, you may be responsible for covering the cost of return shipping, especially if the return is due to a defect or error on your part.
Product Condition: Returned items that are not in resellable condition may need to be disposed of or liquidated, leading to additional losses.
Why Returns and Refunds Matter
Customer Satisfaction: Efficient handling of returns and refunds is crucial for maintaining high levels of customer satisfaction and positive reviews. Poor management can lead to negative feedback and damage your seller reputation.
Cost Management: Understanding and anticipating the costs associated with returns can help you better manage your budget and pricing strategy, ensuring you account for these potential expenses.
Inventory Control: Effective return management helps maintain accurate inventory levels and reduces the risk of overstocking or stockouts.
Strategies to Manage Returns and Refunds
Clear Product Descriptions: Provide detailed and accurate product descriptions to reduce the likelihood of returns due to customer dissatisfaction or misunderstandings.
Quality Control: Implement rigorous quality control measures to minimize defects and errors that could lead to returns.
Customer Service: Offer excellent customer service to address issues promptly and potentially resolve problems without necessitating a return.
Return Policies: Establish clear and fair return policies that balance customer satisfaction with protecting your business from excessive costs.
Example Calculation
Let’s consider you sell 100 units of a product, with an average return rate of 5%. Here’s how you can calculate the potential costs:
Product Price: $50 per unit
Return Rate: 5% (5 units)
Return Processing Fee: $3 per unit
Restocking Fee: 15% of the product price ($7.50 per unit)
Return Shipping Cost: $5 per unit
Total Return and Refund Costs:
Return Processing Fee=5 units×$3=$15Return Processing Fee=5 units×$3=$15 Restocking Fee=5 units×$7.50=$37.50Restocking Fee=5 units×$7.50=$37.50 Return Shipping Cost=5 units×$5=$25Return Shipping Cost=5 units×$5=$25
Total Costs:
$15+$37.50+$25=$77.50$15+$37.50+$25=$77.50
Handling returns and refunds is a necessary aspect of selling on Amazon, and the associated costs can add up quickly. By understanding the fees and implementing strategies to manage returns effectively, you can minimize their impact on your profitability. Clear product descriptions, stringent quality control, excellent customer service, and well-defined return policies can all contribute to reducing return rates and associated costs. Efficient return management not only helps maintain customer satisfaction but also supports better cost control and inventory management.

1. Miscellaneous Expenses

In addition to the primary costs associated with setting up and running your Amazon business, there are several miscellaneous expenses that can significantly impact your budget. These costs, while often overlooked, are crucial for creating a professional and efficient operation. Here’s a detailed breakdown of these potential expenses and their importance.
Graphic Design for Product Listings
Importance: High-quality graphics and well-designed product listings are essential for attracting customers and conveying professionalism. Poorly designed listings can deter potential buyers.
Costs: Hiring a freelance graphic designer can cost between $50 and $200 per listing, depending on the complexity and the designer's experience.
Services: Graphic design services might include creating product images, infographics, and enhanced brand content (EBC) that highlights your product's features and benefits.
Professional Photography
Importance: Professional photos can make a significant difference in how your product is perceived. High-quality images help build trust with customers and increase conversion rates.
Costs: Professional product photography can range from $100 to $500 per product, depending on the number of images and the photographer’s expertise.
Services: This may include standard product shots, lifestyle images showing the product in use, and detailed close-ups of key features.
Virtual Assistant (VA) Services
Importance: Hiring a virtual assistant can help manage various tasks, such as customer service, inventory management, and order processing. This can free up your time to focus on strategic growth.
Costs: VAs typically charge between $10 and $30 per hour, depending on their skill level and the tasks they perform.
Services: Tasks handled by VAs can include responding to customer inquiries, updating product listings, managing social media accounts, and handling administrative duties.
Other Potential Miscellaneous Expenses
Subscription Services: Tools and software subscriptions for keyword research, inventory management, and sales analytics can cost anywhere from $20 to $200 per month.
Legal and Accounting Services: Professional advice for legal and tax matters is crucial. This can include incorporating your business, trademark registration, and tax preparation, costing several hundred dollars annually.
Packaging Design: Custom packaging design can enhance your brand image and customer experience. Costs can range from $100 to $500, depending on the complexity of the design.
Marketing and Promotional Materials: Additional marketing efforts, such as email campaigns, social media ads, and promotional giveaways, can also add to your expenses.
Example Budget Allocation
Let’s break down a potential budget for these miscellaneous expenses:
Graphic Design: $150 per listing for 5 listings = $750
Professional Photography: $300 per product for 3 products = $900
Virtual Assistant: $20 per hour for 10 hours per month = $200 per month
Subscription Services: $100 per month
Legal and Accounting Services: $500 annually
Packaging Design: $300
Marketing and Promotional Materials: $200 per month
Annual Costs:
Graphic Design=$750Graphic Design=$750 Professional Photography=$900Professional Photography=$900 Virtual Assistant=$200×12=$2,400Virtual Assistant=$200×12=$2,400 Subscription Services=$100×12=$1,200Subscription Services=$100×12=$1,200 Legal and Accounting Services=$500Legal and Accounting Services=$500 Packaging Design=$300Packaging Design=$300 Marketing and Promotional Materials=$200×12=$2,400Marketing and Promotional Materials=$200×12=$2,400
Total Annual Miscellaneous Expenses:
$750+$900+$2,400+$1,200+$500+$300+$2,400=$8,450$750+$900+$2,400+$1,200+$500+$300+$2,400=$8,450
Why Miscellaneous Expenses Matter
Professionalism and Trust: Investing in professional services like graphic design and photography enhances your product listings and builds trust with potential customers.
Efficiency and Focus: Hiring a virtual assistant allows you to delegate time-consuming tasks, enabling you to focus on growing your business.
Operational Smoothness: Subscriptions to essential tools and professional legal and accounting services ensure your business operates smoothly and compliantly.
Brand Building: Custom packaging and marketing materials contribute to a strong brand identity, which can lead to increased customer loyalty and repeat business.
Miscellaneous expenses, while sometimes overlooked, play a vital role in the success of your Amazon business. By budgeting for high-quality graphic design, professional photography, virtual assistant services, and other essential tools and services, you can create a professional and efficient operation. These investments not only enhance your product listings and customer experience but also free up your time to focus on strategic growth, ultimately contributing to your business's long-term success.
Summary
Setting up and running an Amazon business involves various costs that need careful consideration to ensure profitability and efficiency. Here’s a summary of the key cost components:
Product Selection Tools: Essential for choosing profitable products, with popular tools like JungleScout ($49/month) and Helium10 ($79/month). Free alternatives like 4SELLER also provide valuable features for product selection and inventory management.
Initial Stock Costs: Depending on the product type and quantity, initial stock costs can range from $1,000 to $3,000. Starting with 200-500 units is recommended to test the market without overcommitting financially.
UPC Codes: Necessary for product tracking, these should be purchased from GS1. A pack of 10 UPC codes costs $250 initially, plus a $50 annual renewal fee.
Shipping and Distribution Costs: Includes fees for shipping products to Amazon’s warehouse and Amazon’s Fulfillment by Amazon (FBA) fees, which range from $2.92 to $6.13 per unit. Shipping small items might cost around $4 per unit, while mid-sized products could cost $8-$12 per unit.
Inventory Storage Costs: Monthly fees for storing products in Amazon’s warehouse vary by size and season. Standard-size storage costs $0.83 per cubic foot from January to September and $2.40 per cubic foot from October to December. Oversized storage costs $0.53 per cubic foot and $1.20 per cubic foot during these periods, respectively.
Platform Commission: Amazon takes a commission on each sale, typically between 8% and 15%, depending on the product category. For instance, electronics have a referral fee of 8%, while beauty products have a fee of 15%.
Advertising Costs: To drive visibility and sales, set aside $700-$1,000 for advertising. This includes Amazon PPC ads and potentially social media ads on platforms like Facebook and Instagram.
Returns and Refunds: Handling returns incurs costs, including Amazon’s return processing fee, restocking fees, and return shipping costs. These fees vary based on product size and weight.
Miscellaneous Expenses: Other costs include graphic design for product listings ($50-$200 per listing), professional photography ($100-$500 per product), and virtual assistant services ($10-$30 per hour). Additional expenses may include subscription services, legal and accounting services, packaging design, and marketing materials.
In total, you'll need at least $5,000 to start an Amazon FBA business today. Plus, you'll need to spend a lot of time managing your store and optimizing your product listings. This includes continuously monitoring your sales performance, tweaking your advertising strategies, and keeping an eye on competitors to stay ahead in the market.
By understanding and planning for these costs, you can effectively manage your Amazon business, ensuring it remains profitable and efficient while maintaining high levels of customer satisfaction.

Thinking of dropping a packet for soar. I’m reclassing to a 13F and getting tired of big army. All the websites I’ve looked at are down probably cause I’m deployed currently. Does anyone have any info about the selection process and standards ? I’ve been training but only been using the ranger school prep to train my self for it as of rn

So I decided to bite the expensive bullet and upgrade my system from a Threadripper 3960X to a Threadripper 7960X.
I don't particularly need a high core count, though I can certainly use them all some of the time, but I can't use a toy computer platform like AM5, which has no room for expansion cards. But I do want the fastest per-core performance I can get, which makes TR 7000 the best I can do with a platform that's actually usable.
On the runup to actually doing the hardware swap, I decided to run a number of performance tests to see just how much faster the new setup is, using a handful of standard benchmarks, and some game testing.
Here's a Google spreadsheet with the data for the testing I did:
Sheet Link
All metrics in the sheet come from a three-run average. All the averages across tests are done with a geometric mean.
Before going over the tests a bit, here's the relevant hardware information:
Threadripper 3960X PBO 600W +200 auto-OC ASUS ROG Zenith II Extreme Alpha 128GB Kingston Server Premier DDR4-3200 KSM32ED8/32ME Unbuffered ECC CL22-22-22-52-74 (SPD)
Threadripper 7960X PBO 400W +200 auto-OC ASRock TRX50 WS 128GB Kingston Fury Renegade Pro DDR5-6400 KF564R32RBE2K4-128 Registered ECC CL32-39-39-80-119 (EXPO)
Sapphire Nitro+ 7900 XTX Stock settings for that card.
While I set the PBO limits for the 3960X to 600W, in reality it only draws up to about 360W. Also, the auto-OC value doesn't actually work. It maxes out at about 4.525GHz. The all-core fully loaded frequency ranges from 4.075GHZ to 4.125GHz.
The 7960X easily consumes 400W, and probably has some performance headroom left if given more power, but I think 400W is enough for my purposes. The highest recorded frequency is 5.775GHz, and the all-core fully loaded frequency is 5GHz.
I put a new boot SSD in the 7960X system, but restored my Windows 10 install to it from an image backup, so the operating system is both the same version and the same instance.
Cooling is a custom water loop, with an XSPC RayStorm Neo water block on the processor. It was a hardware transplant, so the cooling is identical with both setups.
There are three individual sheets in the document:
CPU Tests Game Tests 3DMark Tests
CPU Tests:
I used several versions of Cinebench and Blender Open Data (4.1.0), for standard tests that anyone can do. The Handbrake, WinRAR, and InfoZip tests use custom data that I'm not going to distribute, so you can't replicate those tests directly. Of all the tests, the Cinebench ST and InfoZip ones are single-threaded.
CPU Tests Summary:
The overall MT uplift is 52%, and the overall ST uplift is 45%.
3DMark Tests:
With the 3DMark tests, I ran most of the versions I have access to, going back to 3DMark06. I also included the CPU-only test called CPU Profile. 3DMark tests have always been significantly bottlenecked by the CPU, so you can see that most tests show a sizable uplift even in the graphics portion of the tests. The exception is 3DMark11, which is the only test they've released thus far where the graphics card is close to being the bottleneck. FireStrike Extreme is also more bound by the GPU than the rest, but not as much as with 3DMark11.
3DMark Result Summary:
The overall uplift for the graphics results is 39%, and for the CPU results is 41%.
Game Tests:
The game tests are all run at 2560x1440, the resolution I play at, and have the highest detail settings sans any kind of real-time ray-tracing (which I find useless at this point in time), and without any motion blur or depth of field effects (both of which are abhorrent and should be killed with fire). So this is not low-resolution, low-settings testing meant to show the largest difference between processors. This is meant to show the actual difference that I'll experience in games.
I chose a fairly small number of games I knew to have appreciable CPU bottlenecks, and added some from my not-yet-played library which have built-in benchmarks. With the built-in benchmarks, I also used MSI Afterburner to capture average and 1% low frame rates, with the exception of the Crysis tests, which run four in a row automatically, and wouldn't allow test separation.
A brief description of the in-game benchmarks, which would allow someone to approximate the same tests in some of them:
Shadow of the Tomb Raider:
Start across a small bridge from the hidden city market square. Cross the bridge, loop around the square, return to the bridge, making sure to stay level and look up on the stairs and while heading back towards the bridge.
Cyberpunk 2077:
Start at the entrance to Jig Jig street. Walk forward, across the small bridge, then turn right and loop back around towards the entrance again. Turn right at the entrance road and then turn left before the bridge, looping around to the right after that and crossing the small bridge from the other side back to where you started at the entrance.
Starfield:
Start at your ship landed in Akila. Walk towards the central building, then go up the stairs to the right. Go down stairs to the left twice, then go right to loop back around towards the entrance (past Laredo), then turn left and return to the nose of the ship.
The Witcher 3:
Start at the Hierarch Square fast travel point. Run (not sprint) straight on the left road out of the square, and keep following the road as it goes right around the outside of the square. Upon re-entering the square, go left up the square, then right to return to the fast travel.
Minecraft:
Use the Sodium renderer, use ResolutionControl+ to set 2.0x resolution (for anti-aliasing), set your render distance to 32, then go to a built-up base area with lots of stuff, and walk around a set course.
Game Test Summary:
As you can see with the Crysis results, that game is heavily CPU-bound. The "GPU" benchmark is just an aerial loop around the island, but runs 86% faster on the 7960X over the 3960X.
For the rest of the games, considering only the data collected with MSI Afterburner, there's an overall uplift of 42% on the average frame rates, and 46% on the 1% lows.
The lowest uplift was 19% on the Cyberpunk 2077 built-in average, where the uplift on the in-game average was 44%. The highest uplift was 67% in Minecraft, which is going to vary substantially by what kind of things have been built and collected where you are in the game. In my base, it was a very built-up area with plenty of entities, running minecarts, and basic redstone systems active. If I do a similar walk around the middle of nowhere, the average is 491fps with 1% lows of 142.8fps, and the GPU was much more loaded. The highest uplift in a more modern game was 59% in Starfield, which is pretty substantial.
I did also test Fallout 4, but had to discard the results. The performance dropped notably when using borderless window mode, and quite beyond that, the game is stuck in some kind of limbo where neither the CPU nor the GPU are bottlenecked. It's just stuck at a low frame rate (48fps, almost rock solid, with the 7960X) without maxing out the main render thread or coming even close to maxing out the GPU. In fact, I found that I could run the game at 5760x3240 using VSR without maxing out the GPU or losing any performance. That allows one to get better anti-aliasing than the game's TAA. While the frame rate is low, it feels bizarrely smooth. I'll have to look into that later to see if there's some way to get the engine to render more frames.
Conclusion:
I have to say I'm very disappointed with AMD for pricing their non-toy platform so high, and not including lower-core-count options in the non-workstation lineup. I also think, at these prices, that the CCD's should have V-cache, which would have had profound impacts on gaming performance.
That said, I'm not disappointed with the performance uplift. In some cases, it's exactly what I expected based on third-party reviews. In others, namely gaming, it's higher than I expected base on those same reviews. Part of that is probably due to the mediocre-speed DDR4 used with the 3960X, where ECC options were quite limited. With DDR5, the registered ECC options are notably better. The DDR5 kit has considerably better latency than the DDR4 kit (from 24.4% to 37.5% lower across the range), which definitely helps in games.
As a side note, while assembling and testing the 7960X system, I used a Noctua NH-U14S TR4-SP3 cooler with the SP6 adapter kit (which seems to do nothing but increase mounting pressure). I just wanted to relate how well that air cooler does with the processor. I only ran a couple Cinebench tests on air, but the results were very close to the ones done on water. I have that cooler on the 3960X right now, powered up as a motherboard-on-a-box, and it gets the same performance as water. Slightly more, at the moment, as basically all background tasks are disabled on that machine now. I'd probably recommend that over an AIO.
That concludes my somewhat wordy write-up.

Context: I have this roommate (20M) named J. He’s in love w me and I’m not. I’ve told him over and over I’m not interested and we can sleep together and not date but he’ll just cry and basically force me into this weird limbo relationship thing we have. He basically freaks the fuck out if I hang out w other men, sleep w other people or leave the apt/go out without him. He tries to convince me to never leave the apt without him bc he’s worried. He guilts me into staying or being late bc he can’t sleep or eat alone.
Issue: We have roaches. Fucking disgusting. It’s mostly due to the neighbors but we still have them. The apartment complex has fumigated 4 times now and they keep coming back bc J and our other roommate C (24M) just don’t clean up or keep the standards the fumigators tell us to keep which are no food out and mop daily for 2 weeks btw.
J and C really don’t seem to mind the bugs as they’ll see some, shrug and walk away. Not even spray them. Ive made a cleaning schedule that they don’t follow no matter how many times I ask. They don’t take the trash out till I ask aka when it’s literally overflowing with bags of trash on the side of the actual trash can. J will take the trash out when I’m in the kitchen w him to show “how much he helps out around the house”They don’t wipe the counters off after they make food. Just leave the crumbs and the counter sticky etc. basically roach heaven up in here.
I’ve been caulking the gaps everywhere around the apt, baseboards, under counters, drawers, cabinets etc. to stop the roaches from coming in. I’ve also been organizing, decluttering, deep cleaning behind/under, creating itineraries and caulking every gap I see for everywhere. I do the itineraries bc we all have really bad object permanence and rebuy a lot of stuff. I’ve been doing this for every single place in the apartment. Im a full time student w a part time job working in an elementary school. A lot of my free time is either hw or creating lesson plans and activities for my students.
I’ve been asking for help but I get none then they get mad at me for not telling them explicitly what to do. I don’t think I should have to baby step these grown men into caring about living in roaches but okay. I asked J to clean out, organize, make an itinerary and caulk the main cabinet bc I had midterms to study for and I couldn’t go to the schools library bc there was a shooter threat and I was scared lmao so I biked to the city library. Also, he’s like 6’2 and can reach the top and back and I can’t. First thing he asked was, “you can’t reach it w the stool?” Lmao. The entire time I was explaining he kept brushing me off and saying “I got it, I got it”. Making me feel like I’m over explaining and being annoying so I left to the library to do midterms.
I came back and he just reorganized everything, made a general map of where stuff it (this square is snacks, this square is Tupperware etc) and only caulked the bottom shelf that’s on the ground. He didn’t wipe down the shelves that are covered in roaches and roach shit. He didn’t caulk the shelves or the outline of the cabinet. He didn’t make an itinerary. He showed me the cabinet all proud and I voiced my concerns about how he literally did it completely wrong and how he’s gonna have to do it again. I told him, “I told you exactly what to do and told you to call with questions. Why didn’t you call me?” His excuses were: “the bugs can’t get into the cabinet through the shelves if they bottom is caulked off” “I couldn’t find the paper for the itinerary” “I didn’t know you wanted me to wipe the shelves out” “I didn’t wanna bug you” “I forgot what you said”
He literally wrote down this little map on a notebook. He said, “I use this for school, I can’t use this one” but he literally just did?
He basically shut down and ignored me so I had to ask, “did me criticizing the cabinet hurt your feelings?” he said yes and I had to hold him and explain that when criticize it isn’t an attack on your character, I just need it done. I can’t do it all. I explained my frustrations bc I told him explicitly what to do and asked why he didn’t do it and he said he forgot. I said, “why didn’t you write it down” he said, “bc I thought I got it” when him forgetting is a consistent problem. I asked why he didn’t call me and he said, “I didn’t wanna bother you, I got it”. I said, “you obviously didn’t have it. Why didn’t you just do it, why do I have to ask you? If there’s dead roaches and roach droppings where we put our food, why do I have to baby step you through wiping that out?” He just said he didn’t know he was supposed to do it.
We have this exact same conversation about 3 times a month?
1) please take initiative with literally anything, having to ask is exhausting. If something needs to get done, just do it. I shouldn’t have to ask for simple household things like fix the rug if the dogs scratch it up
(Quick story about the rug: I tried to “test” if J or C would fix the doorway rug bc it was messed up, kinda in a ball bc the dogs scratched it and moved it. You couldn’t open the door properly bc of the rug. A simple household “no one’s fault” task that affects us all. They didn’t fix it for a month. I counted the days. I was very frustrated and asked why they literally don’t do anything at all unless I baby step them. I asked, “why don’t you guys just do something that you see needs to get done?”. J blew up at me saying, “why do you expect us to do everything? Why didn’t you fix the rug, they’re your dogs. You live here too so don’t get mad at us for not fixing a simple thing when you didn’t do it either”. I fixed the rug and continue to fix the rug now.)
2) when you face a barrier please try to find another way to solve the problem instead of giving up such as, asking me, googling it etc
Anyways, this was about a week ago and he still hasn’t redone the cabinet even tho I’ve asked everyday. I’m so tired. J and I been living together for like 2 years and no matter how much I cry, ask, put sticky notes, text, call etc etc, nothing changes. It’s like having children. I’m so tired, like legitimately. I wanna give up. I’m tired of the same conversations over and over. I rather just do it by myself but idk if I should give up.
Should I try to hold him accountable for the upkeep of OUR apartment or should I just shut up and do it myself?

There are many LLM observability and monitoring tools launching every week. Are they actually used by real startups and companies?
These tools seem to do one or a combination of the following: - monitor LLM inputs and outputs for prompt injection, adversarial attacks, profanity, off-topic content, rtc - monitor LLM metrics over time such as cost, latency, readability, output length, and custom metrics (tone, mood, etc), drift - prompt management: a/b testing, versioning, gold standard set
What have you observed — in real companies who have their own LLM-powered features or products, do they used these tools?

--⧼ BEGIN Broadcast Message ⧽--
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Priority Level: Urgent
:: From ::
Center Arm of the Emperor, Planet Laran
:: To ::
All Survivors of Fellow Royal Cast Broods
:: Message ::
The Emperor has graciously permitted the use of his Excellency's summer home on Planet Laran, located in the Empire's Center Arm, as a temporary refuge during the unprecedented violent Terran offences against His Holiness and the holiness of the Omni-brood of Ix.
:: Attachments ::
Coordinates and Flight Key
:: Royal Cryptographic Signature ::
Lord La'Ix, The Emperor's Right-Center Arm
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
--⧼ END Broadcast Message ⧽--

earlier

"CURSE THEM! The great houses are going to have my bloody head for this! There is no way this should've happened and under my command too! The Golden Emperor's own exotic holiday world has gone to ash and the only one to blame is going to be me. Well it was basically my watch anyways. Curse. Them. All"
Those were the only legible sounds one could hear among the frantic stamping of one particular Ixian lord as he hurried away through the underbrush of the royal reserve just outside the centre palace. The same Ixian lord that, only hours earlier, was delighting in his typical cooked boar while enjoying his evening's entertainment of a young Terran girl running for her life from a loose Laran tiger. Something about the way those bipeds run always makes him laugh. Some similarly caste Ixian would call this form of entertainment childish, lowbrow, and immature. He would tend to agree. But sometimes he just wanted cheap slapstick humour. The day to day life of the royal caste tends to get dull with all the fine arts an Ixian of his caste is meant to enjoy.
"How did it all go to shit!?! I was always attentive, and there hasn't been an uprising since those terrans were tamed for the palace. I mean we mostly neuter the problematic ones anyways, so why all the sudden aggression?", he shouted in agitation at the emptiness in front of him.
Speeding through the royal garden which in actuality is a repurposed Savannah of the island the palace is on. The Ixian was a beast of speed. Perfectly honed and trained over decades, and genetically maintained over eons, he always proudly held that he was the fasted in his brood of 16. Making a name for himself among the other broodkin for being the most genetically suited for the rank of high general (not that there was any need for generals, there hasn't been need for war in so long). Of course the Ixians always pride themselves in having no excess potential, and adapting your environment to suit your biology, but it never hurts to have perfect biology. That's the true pride of an Ixian.
That innate need to change the universe rather than changing themselves is what led to their vast interstellar empire. One that reached from constellation to constellation and then eventually to the arms of entire galaxies, terraforming worlds to the same environment they were already adapted to. Since forcing nature into one's bidding was the most sacred duty of any that shared a lick of Ix biology.
Which was why the Ix was confident in themselves. This Ixian in particular surely felt surprised, but mainly he was only moderately upset at the sudden change of situation, from being comfortable in the royal dining hall to sudden exercise.
"Everything can be changed back. Everything can be changed back." It repeated the mantra to itself. As it began to relax and turn its snarled sharp mouth into a toothy grin.
"Yes, there is nothing to worry about at all. Then let's make a game plan. Just need to make it to the space port at the harbour. Grab a ride out and find someone else to take the fall. That old royal butler is as ancient as the dirt of the broodworld. Hell, he probably was there when it vanished in the shadow of the holy empire's long past." chuckling to himself at the quite witty remark, but saddened that no one else was there to hear it.
Should be realistic enough for the others to believe. But first things first, I need to reach the harbour-master. It thought while its dense muscles powered the beastly lizard-like form on its journey, as it bound in the direction of its destination at top speed on all fours.
The blood red sun was already kissing the horizon by the time the Ixian went to nearly collapse under exhaustion of the extended sprint. He hasn't ran this far and fast than when he a young broodling that won competitions and competitions in the royal sports. I think I might have overdid it. He thought while massaging the oncoming threat of a sneaky cramp in his hind leg.
The Ixian were well known for speed. But their stamina was another thing. There bodies simply didn't have the evolved features for long distance travel. There was never truly any need in the past, as their very steady and controlled climate and sparsely diverse ecosystem on Ix never truly required much challenge.
It turned its panting head to face the way it came, gazing proudly at the great distance it made in such a short while.
But something was off by that view. Something different to what he was expecting. The view itself was mostly fine. Well, as fine as a smoking mark in the distance, presumably from the summer palace being engulfed in flame and spitting great plumes of black smoke. But no, something about this view chilled him to this spine. Craning his neck from his vantage point he could swear there was a small speck in the distance.
What on great Ix is that?
All of a sudden realisation hit like a rock on a peaceful pond. Something was following him. Something unknown and cold was making its way to his location. He was certain it wasn't any of his guards, all guards permitted to serve under the royal summer home were Ixian of course. Physically bred for their strength and speed, and placed into roles of importance like protecting the higher caste such as himself. (Whereas this day being the only exception). It did look like he was the only Ixian that actually made it out of the palace so far. Ixians are able to cover short distances in phenomenal speed, akin to a scaly 4 legged beast of the hunt.
No this was something else.
Feeling a very small panic build up inside, but veiling that cold, unwanted terror as impatience at how far he still needs to travel yet. Lord La'Ix flexed his anterior legs and sped on leaving behind a red-yellow cloud of dust in his wake.
He frowned. Feeling strange at a never before felt sensation. Like something in the back of his perfectly designed brain was screaming a silent, but terrifyingly familiar warning.
"Ix itself is an ancient world. Temperate in climate, while abundant in vegetation and small game. It is unknown how the Ixian was formed on paradise.
The old priest can drum into your heads that I'Ix made us into being by indenting his form in the sand of the first beach and filling the shape with his life. Moulding us into being.
The heretic would counter and say we evolved from a previous species akin to ourselves over the course of untold lengths of time.
The philosopher would suggest that only on paradise would the sentient universe fill in the space for the perfect beings to enjoy the fruits of existence.
Lastly, even the lowest caste Ixian would point and laugh at the rest and say 'why talk about antiquity, when we can make more paradise to fill the heavens'."
-A popular Ixian parable
Lord La'Ix bolted up all of a sudden from his resting spot. Heart suddenly beating frantically. The stars had barely enough time to shift positions when last rested his weary body, only a couple hours must have passed since dusk fell and the world plunged into night.
The silence of the Savannah made sound from afar travel better. Aside from the quiet rustling of the wind he wasn't so sure what he heard. Assuming his bored ears were playing tricks on him.
Calming down, curling up on the flat cool rock he found he started to drift to the shadowless lands where all Ixian go when they dream...
Drums, no, not drums. Some sort of mechanical tool? Not that I ever heard of a tool that just beat the ground senseless. A strange beating sound could be heard, pounding into the ground. As he stayed frozen and very awake, he could have sworn it was getting louder. Closer.
CRACK. SNAP. CRACK.
Suddenly the entire valley echoed the sounds of a few broken sticks.
La'Ix jumped up, whirling around, and came to face something approaching fast that could only be described as a cold predator, not that there were any predators on the homeworld's recorded history. But every cell in his aching body reacted the same. DANGER, DANGER, RUN, RUN.
The silver light of the planet's 3 moons barely lit the valley but what that light bounced off of was a figure in motion. Front Legs pumping up and down, nostrils flaring, eyes too close together, and pupils so large it was like staring at darkness itself.
Hold on there are only 2 legs right? Sudden familiarity hit him hard, memories of last night's entertainment stained his mind. In the name of Ix is that a Terran?!?
La'Ix didn't realise it then, but it was looking at a Terran, despite the Terrans characteristics looking different to the standard slave he was used to seeing. The pumping body of the runner was made for such long distances. Sweat acting as a cooling mechanism, making the man glisten in the harsh moonlight, the enlarged nostrils taking in all the air the body needs for this type of strenuous activity. And the enlarged pupils, made for adjusting to low light environments.
Down on the plains of the Savannah were two creatures. One a perfect evolutionary miracle, practically evolution's first try gone right, Perfectly made for its environment and was never truly exposed to varying climates and environments. And the other, having crawled through the primordial ooze, and struggled and fought its way through dangers, diseases, and competition on its own horrifying world. Where deadly heat in deserts can dry out any living thing, and such freezing poles that can turn anything that enters it in pure ice.
The man's lean and sweat-slicken form was steadily making its way towards the frozen statue of La'Ix. Just as he got within 50 paces did La'Ix sprint away scattering pebbles in its path the echoes of which bounced back from the valley's sharp walls. Undeterred, the chaser kept steadily running. Jaws grit. Eyes locked on afar.
And afar was its prey. Sprinting away.
HOW IN IX'S NAME DID THAT THING KNOW WHERE I AM? The La'Ix in a fit of sudden excitement mixed with a heavy dose of panic, began its high octane sprint from the sudden looming threat of being found. Hind Legs propelling the creature's body forward, while its front arms, which were historically also for four legged locomotion, pulled the terrain closer with each stride. Increasing its momentum until it reached max speed.
"Broodling La'Ix!" said a stern but educated voice.
"Huh? Oh! Yessir!" a young Ix jumped to attention still thinking about more enjoyable things specifically outside of the classroom walls.
"Well? Can you please answer my question or will you make your other broodkin wait until Ix falls to ash first", the tutor said expectantly, prompting several muffles giggles in the room.
"Sorry sir. What makes the Ixian race its place in eternity is the attention we put in perfection. After our home-world of Ix's climate and terrain began to change, the leaders from antiquity decreed we carry on the spirit of the home-world in maintaining a consistent biological and genetic profile that will always be suited to Ix's surface. As we change worlds to be more like Ix, we can spread the spirit of Ix to them. As such, Change is- uh, change is..."
"Change is the poison of perfection, Remaining unchanged for Ix enable us to carry its spirit to other planets in the heavens", continued the tutor. "Well you certainly paid some attention to today's lesson at the very least. But remember that final part. It's the last of the core tenants you will need to remember."
"Yessir!"
A good half night passed on the surface of the Savanna. Where a previously noble and alert Ixian who took great care in appearances and status was no longer to be seen. Instead of that proud domineering alien representative of ix was a dishevelled, dusty, ragged creature, dehydrated, hungry, and exhausted from the various sprints it forced itself to endure to stay ahead of fate's ever closing hand.
Is this the sword of Damocles that was mentioned in the ancient Terran records? Always hanging down on those who hold power and seek more? Fate's sharp blade? But why me? I was never in any real power. All I wanted out of this life was a comfortable posting with no dirt and grime from the lower worlds. Why me? Why now? Why do I-
La'Ix snapped himself out of a daze. Is he here- No, no I should be far far away from that Terran now. Maybe I can find some-
A dim glow interrupted its train of thought. Much too early to be the Sunrise on the Emperor's summer planet, and much to low to be the light from one of it's 2 moons. It was a light from a town.
"That's right!" The Ixian barely managed to rasp in between haggard breaths. Its body barely able to continue the amount of self inflicted abuse it has suddenly been put in.
A lot more hunched over than the Ixian was earlier. It made its way towards a small town it knew was in between the palace and the harbour. The emperor loved his royal rustic towns and villages. It is said that his royal emperor would sometimes tour around them marvelling at the romantic theme of a simple rustic life. Although getting a personal town full of Ixians required a lot of lower caste be forced into long and expensive work contracts as background entertainers for the king's planet, all this excessive show of wealth was partially for peackocking the emperor's reputation, and partially for his own personal enjoyment. The Emperor is almost culturally required to flaunt his royal wealth in all forms in order to keep connections with all the royal houses. An emperor that doesn't shower their supporting aides and houses with grand gifts is fated to eventually be found cold on the floor of the royal banquet due to 'suicide from accidentally ingesting poison', as was the previous emperor.
To avoid such an unfortunate passing, the Higher Royals would trade vast resources, delicacies, and even exotic slaves to court 'royal favours'. Slaves of the Terran variety especially are considered to be the most unique of gifts the empire has ever acquired.
Terrans weren't necessarily large and bulky. Fighters were assigned to the Slave Obniraks. Powerful creatures used to fill the fields on tougher worlds where mechanical services would be deemed to expensive. The growth of a Obnirak into full working adulthood is only a few cycles. Meaning mass producing a workforce is quite an easy feat.
Terrans instead would take vast cycles to mature from a childling to an average adult. Meaning growing a slave force would take vast quantities of resources, immense patience, and strict guidance from their owners as to not create faulty creatures. All of which increases the general standing on any house that manages to keep a vast amount of Terran slaves in the best quality.
Terrans weren't necessarily docile and obedient. That role was perhaps given to the oldest slave race the Ix ever controlled. The Iralisa. It was known that they were made remarkably docile due to generations upon generations of select breeding, and pruning off the 'aggressive traits' from the gene pool. However, that led to the adverse effect of physically weakening them to a point where such docility and lack of a frame to keep up with their workload led to a general lack of Ixian interest and were subsequently purified.
Terrans are notoriously independent and herd-minded in larger quantities. Similar to growing a very stubborn Terulian Rose Vine. Which only looks impressive when great care have been given. Terrans need to be given an illusion of being ever so slightly free. Which typically involves owning vast amounts of land and nature to let them roam and graze. Of course, the only ones that can accommodate grand work forces of Terrans are the larger houses with the appropriate territory for humans, as is studied in the Ixian art of Servitude.
One can only guess which species is the Emperor's favourite.
The following town should indeed have both, low caste Ixians, and possibly none of the Emperor's favourite slaves.
The Ixian approached the glowing town. As it reached closer it straightened its back, upright on its hindlegs in the royal fashion. And proclaimed. "It is I! La'Ix, royal courtier. Lend me aid imme-"
Something is off. Not a single shadow in the town, I can see lights but no movement, where is every-
After turning the corner to the center of the small town, the dustied and weary creature froze in its tracks when it saw it. A pit nearly as wide as an Ixian land cruiser and who knows how deep filled with a stench so powerful it watered his eyes. Despite the Ixian's lack of a proper sense of smell. It knew the foul fetor of death.
The crudely dug pit was nearly overflowing when he approached it. Large, smoking, smouldering pyres cast that eerie light that had drawn him in.
"H-how? Wha-What the..." he trailed off when a local species of Laran boar growled and squealed as it tore a dead Ixian limb from the mountain of corpses.
"Who could've..."
He stopped. The shock of seeing his own kind laid like broken dolls in a bleeding pit slowly faded, replaced by a numbness. The Ixian had just noticed they were of Ix. Only of Ix.
Not a single terran colour was visible in the black and spotted pit of bodies. Not a single slave body was visible.
I-Impossible...
His legs gave way, either from the strain of the entire nights run, the horror facing him, or the threat from behind. He just dropped.
Minutes passed, or hours. It was hard to tell. But the Ixian lay slumped. Body unwilling to move further. Battered flesh unwilling to be propelled by a shattered spirit.
Mind slowly spinning up again. Thoughts began whirring to life in its mind. Could the rumours actually have been true? It had read the sparse reports of odd activity from certain Ixian-controlled worlds on the outer arms of the empire. Small uprisings of unknown origin. Hardly anything of note. If it had no affect on the greater houses then it was of no real concern to Ix and its emperor.
Could this threat have made its way to the centre arm already? Impossible. But what else could have done this to us?
Something caught the Ixian's eyes. In the middle of the pit it stood. A large stake, wet with deep Ixian crimson, dripping ever so slowly. Towering over the pit like a battlefield flag was a head of an Ixian rammed onto the tip of the spike. But the particular detail that caught the Ixian's eyes was a symbol cut into the flesh of the large forehead.
Looking from the outward-in. Eight concentric rings, which proceeded to get smaller and smaller in size until it reached a dark mass at the centre of the symbol. The Ixian never forgot the symbol and the affect it had on it.
Eight concentric rings, and a centre mass. Eight rings, and a mass. Eight- Eight what? Eight planets? And a star? ...
A growing pool of cold dread rose in its guts that made it shiver despite the fair night. This dread reflected the sharp reality on its frigid surface.
This Ixian was well-bred, well-trained, and well-educated. Although anyone with a basic education would know of such a pattern.
Terra and her sisters. THEIR star system...
Thump, thump, thump, thump.
It's not possible!-
Knowing what that sound meant, the Ixian tried to whirl around, its body barely being able to heed its masters commands. Just when it was starting to move again it felt it.
Sudden sharp agony. Sudden sharp, raging agony. The Ixian looked at it's hind leg. A sharpened wooden stake was jutting out of it.
It loud out a tight lipped scream, as it grasped the pulsating wound as one does immediately after an injury. It barely had enough time to look up at its attacker when the Terran bolted forward, shortening the distance between hunter and prey from metres to mere paces. The Ixian barely had enough time to block the hand grasping the knife as the arm flew forward at the last minute with a crash.
What phenomenal force!
Using the momentum from that sprint plus the wind up of his arm. The Terran was able to impart a phenomal show of force for a creature its size. That's when La'Ix for the first time saw a human in its raw unchanged form. Great beads of sweat collecting dust on its brow, to prevent it from entering the eyes. The constant release of sweat from the countless pores on its soft fleshy skin. Constant cooling? Even the visible veins and capillaries visible from the fire light.
What a beast of endurance-
Suddenly the horizon fell before the Ixian only to reveal the inky black sky dotted with pigments from stars like a painters masterpiece. When did I look up? Then a crash and blunt force from the ground.
The Ixian had been toppled over by that ferocious exchange of force.
Barely able to get up due to the wind being knocked out of its single large lung, the searing pain in its hind leg, and the exhaustion from the chase. It was too late. The terran was already on top of it. Taking up the entire view of the sky as the terran stepped forward into its field of vision.
The sudden perspective change made a once small and frail looking slave look grander than life, grander than all the legends told to Ixian broodlings.
The punches rained down. Repeatedly. A constant bombardment of beating rained like the drops of rain before the first dew. The previous pain in its leg forgotten, to invite a new visitor in the form of blunt force trauma. So ferocious were the raw blows to its carapace that the Ixian felt the exoskeleton crack under the increasing pressure and strain.
Something cracked, another thing snapped. The amount of pain too much to comprehend. The neurons firing in its second brain just assumed it was everywhere. Its half-working eye glimpsed the fist as it came down for the nth time. Red and split knuckles, revealing pure white bone beneath—a reinforced weapon. The perfect natural offence. All the muscles moved to propel it downwards where something else cracked and split.
Is this where I die?
As if understanding its fate the Ixian's form slumped over. Its body barely holding onto the natural exoskeleton shielding that covered its chest and facial area. Fluids leaking from the cracks that went too deep, and who knows how many internal ribs are shattered.
Its body, knowing that that more movement will cause more injuries, and further stimuli would confuse it further. It simply shut down.
The last moments it had as it fell backwards on its side. Was a small running figure. Hand clutching wooden spears. But the truly petrifying sight was behind it. A vast shadow flickering from the light of the lit pyres from the hunter in front of it. A shadow cast so large, jagged, and menacing it appeared to swallow the town whole.
And into a hole did the Ixian fall. A vacuum with no sensation or thought. Just darkness.
How... did we never notice such a... monster... in their... shadow...
All Ixians were taught about 'violence' and 'conflict' at an early age. As a sort of rite of passage that any of them would go through as they survive their early broodling days. As Ix have no natural predators, they had begun to instil a serving of some necessary conflict to keep their generations fresh and somewhat physically strong. As a precaution, only rudimentary forms of civil sports, races, shows of strength and courage were ever really explored. But always in a controlled and calm settings, as there would never be any true need for actual conflict.
As there was always a need to maintain ones own environment. The need never arose for the development of fighting techniques and schools of training. That was one of the best parts of being an Ix that many thought. Having supreme control over the worlds you inhabit means setting gravity, atmospheric pressure, humidity, and temperatures to the perfect levels for comfort replaced any need for biological change. Why grow when you can keep everything the same way, how you like it.
They were a vast empire. An empire of statues.
-Excerpt from the history of extra-solarian species, Author unknown
It awoke to a burning radiating heat from in front. The large sun was already starting to set on the horizon when it awoke. Had a whole day passed? Or two?
Trying to block the setting sun from its eyes it couldn't. "What?...", barely made out in a whisper.
I'm tied up.
And indeed the Ixian was right. Tied up next to a small brook, with a scorching fire in front of it. The monster nowhere to be seen.
"No good... it's too tight", it grunted in an attempt to escape its bindings.
Going slack in defeat it avoided any additional movement. Not having the energy to spare to move. It was lucky to have always been lazy at shedding its carapace - a frequent nag from its broodmother - might just have become its salvation in this case.
Thank Ix.
So there it stayed.
Hours passed. The Sun fully set and the stars awake in this dark world barely lit up the wildlands. Only the prisoner in this cone of firelight existed out here.
A rustling up ahead caught the prisoner's attention disturbing the eerily still silence of the Savannah night. And ungodly horror of a squeal ruptured the air invoking a deep visceral terror within the bound prisoner. Something. Something close but just outside the firelight was eyeing it, glinting from beyond the light. Those dark predatory eyes stabbed the prisoner with a sudden coldness. All while the squealing suddenly halted. SNAP. SQUELCH.
Now it came, emerging into the light. A beast. Holding a knife in one bloodied hand, dripping on the dirt. And dragging by the leg, a massive adult Laran boar grotesquely smearing thick blood still warm from the cut in the neck on the dirt.
The prisoner watched, barely moving, barely breathing. Frozen with the horror in front of it as the bloodied carcass was skinned; fur sliced away with harsh, scraping sounds with the crude knife. Spurting remaining blood all over the site.
The pink naked flesh then washed in the brook, leaving a distinct smell of oxidised blood in the air, before being skewered and roasted over the roaring flames. Fat popping violently in the heat.
In this gruesome display, the beast revealed not just a fate for the boar, but a dark hint of what might come. The realisation struck deep—this could be more than just a demonstration; it was a terrifying preview of its own potential end.
It passed out again.
Only to be awoken by the haunting echoes of a wild, desperate squeal that once thrummed through the savannah's eerie silence. Dare it open its eyes?
After a great heavy effort -utilizing its every last drop of courage- one eye cracked open. And what it saw. Made it regret ever having done so.
Right across from it, the hunter was a grotesque silhouette against the flickering fire. Grasping a severed boar leg was a mouth viciously biting, ripping, tearing into the flesh with primal ferocity. Each bite was deliberate, each tear of sinew was a clear, calculated demonstration of supreme savagery. Its jaw muscles bulged with the force of a bite.
All the while, the eyes—deep, abyssal pits—fixed intently on the prisoner. Deepest black pits stared back at it. Watching. Observing. Calculating, with a dark intelligence. it was calculating. It was relishing the terror it inspired and the control it exerted. Or planning its next meal.
The sounds of ripping flesh filled the thick, blood-soaked air. Deep into the night. Deep into this never-ending nightmare.
Never once did the prisoner move. Not an iota. Frozen in abject horror.
The night passed quietly. After the feast the human had, or the desecration of life that the prisoner saw, whichever way you look at it. The human nodded off to sleep. Content in the success of his mission. But the tied up creature had no such rest. Sending silent pleas to the stars that it might be saved. But not daring to make a sound, less it awaken that sleeping horror. Or was it sleeping? Dear Ix, it might be watching me. Feigning sleep to keep an eye on its meal. Dear Ix I'm next...
All through the night, the demons plagued its mind. Until the warmth of the morning rose, and with it the sound of an Ixian cruiser.
Elation could not be an understatement for the tired, tied, beat, and bruised thing. Craning its neck to the direction of the sound about to bellow out an Ixian warning to the demon resting next it.
"BE CAREFUL! THERE'S ONE HERE-". It stopped speaking. That previous elation it felt at a saviour arriving to rescue it from the demons grasp, fizzled out like a drop of water in a drought.
That all so familiar cold remained. And the dryness of despair. As pairs of dark pupils shot back at it.
On the cruiser were tall adult Terrans. Clean cut, well fed, well dressed Terrans. Four, no Six, no eight of them. All hanging onto the side of cruiser while it made its way to their location. Compared to the demon waking up beside it, these creatures were organised. A savageness neatly packaged in a uniform with a symbol. The prisoners eyes grew wide in its sunken sockets. 8 rings, and a centre mass. They must be the cause of, well all this.
Accepting fate, its head fell in part defiance, in part to avoid the stinging eyes of these others. It felt their gaze burn through—cold, cruel, calculating. There is nothing I can do any longer.
"You're finally here. What took you so long?" The runner said to his approaching comrades, "Took all night to catch up to him."
"Hey Jan, great work", the tall militant woman shot back. With a playful punch to his arm. "Guess all that cardio really paid off, didn't I tell you it would!" She let out a playful guffaw.
"Thanks Chel", replied Jan.
"Ok chop chop people, we're on a schedule. We need to reach the port ASAP remember? Come on Jan, rest up all you like, you're still on the clock."
"Aye sir." Jan shot back in a mock salute, gaining a sneer from the commandant, then a sneaky smile.
"Don't forget your trash. And make sure its breathing still."
It creaked open its eyes, seeing pairs of boots moving towards it and standing in front. In silence. Then all of a sudden, felt pairs and pairs of hands pull and tug. and lift it up The thing let out a pathetic silent sob. While it was loaded in the back of the cruiser, face up. Staring at eyes, piercing black dots peering back. It could never understand what was being felt by those eyes and those faces.
Ixians wear their emotions on their carapace; spots and stripes would slowly appear in certain parts, representing emotions and feeling that their bodies felt in a general sense. But the most private thoughts were of course, still kept private.
But this. This was just too foreign. The eyes never stopped. Even in the swaying movement of the cruiser the pupils never broke contact. Those eyes. As if it was peering into it, envelops your entire mind. There was no way to hide, even hiding in his inner self would do no good. Those eyes. Those predator eyes can find me anywhere I try to escape to. Inside and out.
Some times passes.
"You know. I lost good friends to the royal caste. Especially to this one's brood clan or whatever they like to call it." One of them was looking right at it when they said it. It turned its eyes over to the source. A short one, with a slave scar on the neck said it. A scar that shot through his memories. A scar inflicted to property owned by, his brood. This one is dangerous..., it thought.
Jan, and the others didn't look but felt it. The cold darkness in that tone made it clear what it intended to do.
The female militant, Chel, I think her name was. Slowly reached to the side arm on her holster. Sensing the oncoming problem.
"You still understand me don't you? I've had to watch good people die. Damn good people." The scarred one one stood, grabbing the upper rail of the cruiser to steady themselves. "I hear that even if you get ill, you become the entertainment for the night. What was it now?" She paused for a brief second. "Oh I remember".
"Stil" Chel said slowly. "Cool it". Hand still on the butt of the sidearm.
Not hearing or not wanting to reply. Stil continued. "Torn apart by those raptor pets. Hands or feet cut off as souvenirs for those fucked-up parties and those fucked-up guests. Oh yea, and the 'toy play' or whatever they call it. Can't have Ken and Barbie fight back now, can we?"
Stil leaned closer to the now cowering, shaking thing, "I wonder which one was your favourite." The words cut through La'Ix like an icicle. This was the first time these demons actually spoke to it directly. And it didn't like it. It could sense the venom from the words.
"Stil..." Chel slowly got up, hand still at the ready. "I said cool it." The line had a steely warning to it. Chel wouldn't risk the mission. Even if it meant doing what must be done.
Agonizing seconds passed. The cowering, shaking thing seemed to grow whiter and whiter by the second, It's spots clearly showing what it felt. Staring up, Not willing to move but being unable to hide. It felt the absolute crushing weight of the present. Grinding it down to a paste.
Everyone stayed still. The two militants didn't move. The rest didn't seem to even have paid attention to the converstation, still looked away.
Longer passed.
Stil smiled, "Oh come on Chel, you know I wouldn't do anything to our friend here? You know I was just playing around." Stil laughed. Chel didn't react.
Stil immediately crouched, faced the shaking prisoner inches apart eye to eye, and in a whisper said "Right friend?"
She wants me to reply? Dear Ix I can't even think with those eyes in front of me What do I do?! What do I say?!
"Right. Friend?" Stil repeated slower and colder. Like the blade of a surgeon hovering over skin, ready to plunge.
The gears of its Ixian brain grinded to a screeching halt. In utter desperation to find a reply it simply gave up. Instead, it felt a warmth slowly spread. Slowly spread between its hind legs. It had released its bladder.
"BAHAHAHAHA LOOK AT IT" Stil roared in laughter. The sound of it rattling the prisoners brain with the sound. Disorienting its senses. "NOW THAT'S CLASSIC TIMING IF I'VE EVER SEEN IT!" She plopped back down face red and still laughing.
The Ixian didn't know what to do but tremble and sob silently on the cold surface of the cruiser surrounded by laughter. and the warmth of its piss. It tried to plug its ears. But the sound still came. Laughter. Laughter. Laughter. Dear Ix, what are these demons... where are they taking me? To hell?...
The cruiser kept cruising. Towards the port across the island. Trailing laughter behind. Or to the sobbing wreck of a thing, demonic cackling.
The scent of familiarity wafted into the senses of the prisoner as the cruiser started to slow. The smell of the salt, the chirping of familiar aviaries. Sound of the crash of sea. The port.
Braving a sentence for the first time in for what seems eternity. It let out a question "...w..w..where ... why... are... ... we ...h... here?" It managed to say shakily, eyes downcast.
As if in response, a sharp shove greeted it from the back and a hard hit on the ground was as much of an answer it was getting.
"Move it", Jan said gruffly.
They walked. the ixian still bound but free to walk in the middle of the group of humans. Towards a destination still not known. The walk twisted, and turned, and twisted again. One thing struck out to the prisoner. It was too clean, especially for what it was expecting, it's last experience being in the previous blood-soaked town laden with bodies and carrion eaters.
The port town was completely silent, free from the regular hustle and bustle it usually had even when the emperor was not present. And superbly clean. Not a single piece of dirt to be seen. Not a single Ixian either. Where did everyone go? Did they make it out somehow when these invaders came?
In the background, the surf broke relentlessly.
Piercing eyes caught the prisoners glance, as it wandered curiously around the town. Realising its mistake La'Ix tried to look away but the burning gaze gripped his own.
As if reading its soul. The human answered the hidden question bubbling up in La'Ix. "You should've seen them your royal majesty". The one called Stil said while bending in mocking courtesy.
The surf pounded the shore even more loudly now.
"They don't swim well. Especially the young ones. They dropped like stones. Turning all white by the time they stopped moving."
Louder now. The sea roared.
Nothing came. Not a thought in La'Ix's mind. Its mind struggled to comprehend the depth of what was said by Stil, the scarred human.
The waves boomed louder now. Louder than the sun, echoing louder than the screams of all the Ixians that must have perished.
It saw the lips of the standing-devil in front of it. But all the came from its blood red lips were obscured by the sound of the pounding of the waves. The echoes of drowned kin, thudding and slapping against the shore, merged with the relentless surf in La'Ix's mind.
This is for our sins.
Wave after wave, the relentless surge continued, each one a haunting reminder of the souls lost to the sea, each crash a ghostly thud of bodies hitting the shore.
Very slowly did some exhausted neuron in the Ixian's head come to a conclusion as to how these creatures in front of it can be so relentless, so cruel, and so evil. When pushed to beyond its breaking point, did their true carnivorous instincts rear their ugly head.
Oh dear Ix. What sort of environment could breed such demons?
La'Ix didn't remember what happened next. The memories feel like a distant dream now as he sits watching the port sky now.
The aching brand on his forehead of the 8 ringed system, pulsed in pain—a departing gift from his newly made friends, stung from the salty sea air.
He barely recalls the staggered walk from the empty inter-arm transmission office and the inputting of his biometric royal seal. He barely even remembers the message that was sent under his name and signature
And even less does he remember what he heard what will happen next.
All alone now, he stares at the sky of the empty port town. As he watches more royal ships enter the atmosphere.
He gazes upward, thoughtlessly, statue-like Knowing fate will come for them all. Fate in the form of piercing black eyes and a monster so large it can fit in a shadow.
A single thought, carried its way from above the despair to the surface. Slowly. Like a bubble in a pool of tar.
What was I meant to tell the emperor again?

I am a 22 year old guy, good looking 7-8. I'm fit but rather skinny I am intellectually gifted. When I was a kid and in my early teens I was a very weird and disconnected guy. I was generally treated poorly which ended up shaping the rest of my life at this point when it comes to responsibility and self-development. I fell behind my peers socially and in pretty much everything else. I spent a few years fixing a lot of my flaws and learning to be human like I was supposed to. By now I have achieved a lot of great milestones becoming higher quality but there are still things I haven't been able to achieve. I will probably never be able to fit in with the general norm, I want to, but it doesn't seem like it is reasonably possible anymore. I am still a virgin, I've had multiple girls in the past that I have been interested in but I either lost to someone else or fumbled the bag. I am also not very interested in a relationship until I want to spend energy on one. Yet I still have high standards because I know I've got qualities that can pull from experience. So I have little to no experience and I haven't had sex. The point I am at when it comes to acting on taking someone home or having a good time is so far behind that I am on level with teenagers entering the space, to catch up I would have to hang around those and start at the same point but obviously I can't. I would probably be described as quirky, which I absolutely hate and it feels like a part of me that I cannot lose. I am so starved for love that it is finally starting to impact my mental health. I genuinely feel that my dating experience is completely doomed and that I have to continue living on lies about it. I have come to dislike the general public because of intellectual gap and the way that the world is shaped to be against me at so many turns. I am just tired of having to keep this to myself when it has such a prevalent impact on me. If anyone would be up to argue about anything on this post I'd be happy to.

Rate how I spec'd our M340i! https://www.bmwusa.com/build-your-own.html#/studio/fbqngq03/summary
Background: My wife and I have been sharing our 2021 Mazda CX-5 Grand Touring Reserve (2.5T), but with our first child on the way, we need a second car. While I commute 3-4 days a week and she works from home, we can imagine a ton of situations where she would need her own car. We test drove almost every sporty sedan on the market (G70, TLX Type-S, C43, S4), but we made the mistake of driving the M340i first. It was the benchmark we compared everything against and we didn't feel anything measured up to its comfort, features, tech, build quality, engine/transmission combo and – if we're being honest – brand cachet. My wife would have been perfectly fine with a 330i (she previously owned a E90 328ix), but since we plan to keep this car for at least 10 years, I wanted to get the legendary B58.
We looked at buying used but thanks to advice from many folks in this subreddit, we were able to swing a 5% discount on a new car from our local dealer plus $1,000 discount for using BMWFS. (For those coming from the personal finance subs: we're borrowing the minimum amount and paying it off in 3 months.)
Commentary on the spec:

• Tanzanite Blue: Both M340is we test drove were this color and my wife immediately fell in love with it.
• Cognac interior: Another choice by my wife who has great taste.
• High gloss ash grey trim: I looked at all the interior trim options at the dealership and while I usually don't like glossy trim, I thought this blended in the best with the black dash. The cognac provides enough interior contrast.
• 18" wheels: When the all-season tires wear out, the 18s will get wintesnow tires and I'll get a 19" wheel/tire set.
• Premium Package: Duh.
• Driving Assistance Package: These are features that came standard on the Mazda so we wanted to have them.
• Shadowline Package: I really like the blacked out trim - pure vanity!
• Adaptive M Suspension: A small price to pay for the added comfort of driving on mediocre Twin Cities streets.
• Power tailgate and remote start: Convenience and features that also came standard on the Mazda.

We briefly considered the Parking Assistance Package, but we didn't need the 360º cameras, even though it's a really cool feature. This'll be my first BMW and first sedan (!) so I'm super excited. Overall, our car seems lightly spec'd and it's exactly what we want/need. This sub has been a great resource for me already!

TW: serious, not a humblebrag
Others would view my body as “gorgeous” because of my hourglass proportions. And it makes me feel insecure about my face because objectively i know my face will never come as close to my body. I have unconventionally pretty face yes, but my body fits the standard 100% and its so disheartening to see the difference in treatment when i show it vs when i hide it and it’s just my face. When i show off my figure people look at me, suddenly im “enviable”, people like me and think im maybe a bit pretty. When I don’t im just mid, ugly, meh, “not someone’s type” and blatantly ignored. I just feel so desperate to get my face to match up to the beauty standard as well. Guys would call me “hot” but i know its not because of my face because otherwise if I didn’t show my shape they wouldn’t. I don’t wear makeup, and people often think im tired or sick, i also work at an environment where all the women are so beautiful and so glammed up and then there’s just me. I’m just a ball of insecurity. I wish i knew how to do my makeup. I wish my face was prettier. Id rather my face be prettier than my body. Because honestly it’s so disheartening the pretty privilege i get with my body vs my face. It makes me even more insecure of my face. I hate it. I would rather be the girl with the prettier face because guys would go after her for a relationship, not just “for fun”. And also because everyone sees your face all the time, no one sees your shape in the winter for example. I just hate that its the only thing “going for me” and i wish people would mention how beautiful i am in the face instead.

Lots of people who don’t live here seem to have this perception that Canada is a progressive European-style country. But that’s just how our government markets us, and is completely disconnected from the reality of how our country operates. We are more like a state of the US than any place in Europe, and actually have a worse standard of living than the vast majority the US.
Our disabled people starve to death on the streets, and are offered assisted suicide instead of proper support. Most of our provinces have around a $400 shelter allowance for those who are on welfare. Do you know how much the average one bedroom apartment is in our country? Over $2000. A bedroom with no kitchen or bathroom is often $1000 or more. These allowances haven't increased since the 90s, and the provincial governments fight tooth and nail to keep disabled citizens in poverty.
Our native citizens live in dilapidated shacks while being denied clean water by the government. Historically, they were systematically raped, murdered and then mass buried. The government to this day loves to avoid talking about this, but it was some holocaust level shit. They'll acknowledge "how much learning we all have to do together" but will still not give them clean water or adequate housing.
When somebody is homeless, they are usually just arrested and thrown in jail. Our shelters are underfunded and packed beyond capacity. Once again, any effort to help impoverished people and build more shelters is struck down. For anyone who has never been here, look up East Hastings in Vancouver. People are quite literally walking around as rotting zombies. All of our cities have post apocalyptic looking areas like this.
Police brutality is just as common as in the US. Police will come along and beat and taze a man who is having a seizure on the ground, and then charge him with a made up offense simply because they are bored. Officers often openly steal from and abuse the public with no opposition. There is no oversight, and they can do whatever they want. It is almost impossible for a police officer to be arrested, and they are usually placed on paid leave for years instead at the burden of the tax payers.
Crime is quite serious. It’s not uncommon for multiple dismembered bodies to be found around our cities on the weekends. People burn eachother alive on public transit. Machete attacks, stabbings, the works. However, our judges are "neoliberal" and love to release repeat violent offenders over and over. People are much more heavily punished for petty victimless offences than they are for shootings/stabbings/rape/assault. If you have the right connections, you will not face consequences.
We bring in 2 million people a year (+5% of our population annually) for the sole reason that corporations can pay them less as they are from impoverished backgrounds. This is why our GDP per capita is dropping so heavily.
All of our industries consist of government backed monopolies that conspire to eradicate competition and inflate the cost of very single commodity of our daily lives. Why do we pay $500 a month for phone bills? That’s why.
Our life expectancy, GDP per capita and almost all measures of life quality have been dropping for decades now. The government does everything it can to gloss over this, but it’s public information. When asked about any of these metrics, they just won't answer the question. Look at our prime minister being asked ANY question. He won't do it. They are experts at talking about anything except for the things that matter.
The average citizen can no longer afford rent or a home. If everybody had to buy back the home they live in now, our entire country would be homeless. The only reason they aren’t homeless now is because they owned before. Once the baby boomers die, the younger generations without inheritances will face some of the most unobtainable housing in the world.
Healthcare is so underfunded and overburdened that is quite common for people to die before receiving any treatment, or instead be offered assisted suicide. Those who do receive treatment are often sent to the US as we are over capacity.
Our government is openly corrupt on all levels, but for some reason everybody overlooks this, especially outside of the country. Insider trading, conflicts of interest, fraud, you name it. Pretty much all of our politicians are involved in scandals of some kind. Our prime minister updates his investment portfolio just at the right time before certain stocks explode due to federal legislature. No wonder they're all rich.
I'm sure that this post is going to trigger some Canadians, but I'm sick of this shitty country and pretending that I'm happy to live here. Nobody seems to want to acknowledge how terrible it has become. I don't understand how these things are not talked about more.
And what annoys me the most?
At the same time all of this is happening, our leaders try SO god damn hard to make us look good. Our prime minister goes around touting the most liberal shit you can imagine, but then they will do everything in their power to avoid doing the things they talk about at any cost. They say ALL the right things, but god forbid they actually walk the walk. It's like an abusive husband who does TED talks on feminism. Everything that comes out of their mouths is carefully scripted and completely detached from reality. I hate this fake ass country.

I met this guy 9 months ago. At the beginning he asked if I can cook, I told him I don't like cooking, but I can do it, turns out he hates cooking, although he also can cook. I assured him that in case things get serious, we'll get a solution to the problem.
Fast forward, we're seeing each other regularly, at times we spend Mo-Fr in my place, other times in his. Even though I don't like cooking, I usually cook like 2-4 times in a week, like from scratch. After some health condition that I had back in 2016, I've been cooking since 2019. All my health problems got better like 90% so I've sticked to it, even though I don't enjoy cooking that much.
Since we spend so much time together, I just cooked like usual, not thinking much of it, only that instead of 1 person meal, I add more ingredients to cater for 2. So after 1 month I realise how tiring all this gets. When I was alone, sometimes I'd just fix something quick that took me 15-20 mins and I'd be good. Since we're now 2, I've always made real dishes which need longer preparation and cleaning up afterwords.
After 1 month, realising how tired I get, I ask him to help me in the kitchen, as in to be cooking 1-2 times a week, he comes up with excuses how he work long hrs and is tired when he gets home. Mind you, we both work 40 hrs a week, plus I take some weekend jobs, to save extra. In a month I work 2 Saturdays and 1 Sunday, all half a day. I try negotiating with him that I'm also tired when I come home, but still stand in the kitchen for 1 hr to prepare us something. What annoys me is that when I'm home earlier, I cook, when he's home earlier, he'll be sitting on computer playing games with his feet on the table, waiting for me.
So one day we come to a conclusion that he'll be cooking over the weekend at least for me to get some rest. 4 weeks go by, and all the weekends he doesn't cook. One weekend I came home after visiting a friend. He thought I was going to jump straight into the kitchen like I've always done, but I didn't. Instead of fixing us something, he goes and makes himself a sandwich, continues to eat it right next to me, without even asking if I was hungry. This is someone, I've always cooked for, even made lunch to take to job when I was making mine. After that I had enough and knew nothing is going to change. I just told him this is not going to work for us and pack all my stuff and go back to my apartment. He crawls back saying how sorry he was, is going to make an effort blablabla.
Also note that I'm the one paying for groceries. He pays child support and is left with not much, no big deal for me, coz he promises that when we move together, I won't be paying rent and we'll have some money left. I can still have a good life without my weekend jobs, but I still keep them because I'm saving up to buy my appartment.
2 months goes by, and he always bombarding my phone with sweet nothings, which I don't give in to. I talk to my sister about it and she says I could have given him more time, that my standards are too high and I should give him another chance and more time. I grudgingly agree to this because in general he's a good man and my family likes him. So I set a date and we met end of January.
At the beginning he really is engaged, does stuff, and with time he just realises how tiresome it gets. Always angry when it's his turn in the kitchen, even though I'm always there helping with peelings and cutting.
Since yesterday I caught some virus and been down. This morning, he made himself some coffee and croissants and never asked me if I'd like to have something. At around 13.30 in the afternoon I stood up to make myself something to eat, then he joins me in the kitchen and help. While eating, he sees something is not right and asks what's wrong. Is it not common sense to help your bf/gf when they are sick? Because I remember being single and cooking for myself when sick. Now in a relationship, still cooking, but now for 2 people. I'm I overreacting or expecting too much? Because I remember 3 weeks ago he woke up with headache, and before I went jogging, I brought him some coffee and omelette and sandwich in bed, just so that he can have a rest.
Right now I feel lost in this relationship, we argue about little things, I feel like I'm carrying a burden. When it comes to organising fun stuff to do, it's always me. He doesn't have friends or hobbies except computer games and gym. I feel like he a velcro bf. When I'm away he'll be bombarding my WhatsApp with emojies when he has nothing to do, says he misses me. Feels like I have a small child left at home.
ATM I can't see myself living like this. He said he want a kid, see myself doing most of the parenting because he can't even make small decisions on how many sandwiches he should pack when we're going hiking. Or what to put in the sandwiches. How to cut the onions, or which programme for the laundry, even though he has been single for some time. SMH...
Now tell me reddit, WIBTA if I leave him? Are my standards to high? Is this how a normal family functions?

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Been a long time fan of HS. Quit for a while, got back when Whizbang released cuz it was the nostalgia set.
Only paid for the cheaper bundle + expansion pass. I play on average 2-3 hours a day (university student).
Managed to get a "full" collection just from the winnings of Arena; I have all Epics + Rares, and missed out only on some legendaries.
Arena was fun for me, there are many strategies you get to try that do not work in Standard. From deckarchtypes like Elemental Shaman (broken) to Tempo Rogue (surprisingly good), to having the chance to play with lower-power cards like Card Grader (good tech card to tutor), Arena is a nice break from Standard.
I average 6-3, since I have highs of 9-3 and lows of 3-3. IMO 3-3 is "free" - you get a pack, and usually 50G, so you break even. Any additional wins are just bonus benefits.
To improve, here are some tips:

1. Shaman is seriously broken. Does everything from board clear, to aggro, to lifesteal for stabilizing, to removal like Hex.
   
2. Draft synergy over tier ratings. Sometimes a card has a lower tier rating based on HearthArena, but might be insanely synergistic with your deck.
   
3. Know your deck archtype - are you playing Control, Midrange, or Aggro? Draft cards that fit your playstyle.
   
4. Silence should be considered soft removal.
   
5. Not a universal rule, but in the early game you should prioritize board control. Once you have board control, you can push for lethal to create a tempo advantage. Ideally, you should always be threatening a 2-turn lethal in the mid to late game, and force your opponent to trade while you constantly go face.
   
6. Its better to NOT play around board clears - apart from Shaman, very few classes have true board clears that can wipe big bodies. And even if they use a board clear, its still a free turn for you.
   
7. With the number of cards that generate value, you should always try to win by point 5. Gone are the days where you can outgrind your opponent. The goal is to close the game fast, before your opponents make swing turns or drop their legendaries.
   
8. Know your matchups. Against Deathknight for instance, save Lightning Storm (as Shaman) for the Boneguard Commander and their army of 1/3 taunts. Against Hunter, save Hex (as Shaman) for big Deathrattile minions etc.
   
9. Consider the value of tech cards and how they function in your deck. Stuff like Card Grader don't normally see play in Standard, but can be a huge boost to your deck in Arena as one-offs. Helps you tutor for the removal or card you need most / sets up your game plan. Even a "useless" card like Northern Navigation is a good card in Death Knight if you chose Headless Horsemen as your Legendary - tutoring for his head wins you the grind game automatically. The first tech card should be highly priortized, even a card like Wish Upon a Star in Shaman represents Plan B, and should be treated as a second pseudo-legendary since it wins you grind games automatically.
   
10. Don't take losses personally to prevent tilt. Since 3-3 is already "even", you should consider all additional wins a bonus. Understand that 12-2 is impossible, since RNG and Discover pool can really screw your game plan up.
    

Please share your other tips!