Not inherently there best or your favorite song but songs that have stood the test of time and when you say Twice is a song almost anyone that likes Kpop would know.
They have many especially with their early discography, I’m gonna post my top 10 to make it more fun. Let me know your top 10 too!

1. What is Love?
2. Fancy
3. Likey
4. TT
5. Cheer Up
6. Feel Special
7. I Can’t Stop Me
8. Yes or Yes
9. The Feels
10. Like Ooh Ahh

I can definitely see arguments for many others in the top 10 and others in the top moving up and down, but I think What is Love? Is definitely the strongest in terms of consistency, and being a song almost anyone can reference and they’d know the song. It is still one of if not their most streamed songs and viewed MV daily and the most viewed MV and second most streamed song overall.

Sadly I only got to play it once and I kinda don't remember those moments when you say "Ooh, nice", so share what you think with me!

I have always felt like the odd one out in every social circle I've ever had. Not saying I didn't like these people or they didn't like me but I have always felt different enough where it's noticeable. These differences ranged from minuscule insignificant things to major ethical/personality differences.
Here are some examples.
I grew up outside my home country and kept moving around to different countries. My parents didn't teach me my native language or culture. As a result, I'm always getting comments from family about how I don't understand the culture or don't speak the language and how it's a shame. Even for people who aren't family, the confusion, disappointment, and judgment is always visible on their faces. I try to ignore it as much as I can but every now and then some poor soul will do or say something that will set off years worth of pent up frustration.
With my friends, I've always just been different. This isn't so much problematic as it is lonely. We may share common interests but they're also different at the same time. For example, we all like playing video games, but I'll never be into the games that the rest of the group plays so I feel left out at times. I don't want to spend money on a vacation since I've traveled plenty already and I'm kinda over it but this is met with something along the lines of "OOH rich kid over here too cool for vacations"
My girlfriend and her family are from the same country I am originally from but immigrated to the US a while back. I get similar comments from them about me not speaking the language or knowing the culture. At least my gf makes an effort to teach me about the culture and language but even sometimes she gets frustrated and gets that same look on her face. She also doesn't seem to get me on many things like not wanting to go out and spend a lot of money and save and invest it instead. Whenever I tell I don't want to do this or that, she doesn't out right say anything but again I know her enough to know when I'm being a buzzkill for her.
I'm super strict about my diet and workout regimen. I track my calories and macros, record my gym progression things like that. While I'm not looking for approval from people for this, I am met with comments like "How can you eat like that" or "As long as you're happy, I could never do that". It makes me feel much more alien to the people around me.
I'm not the type of guy to be super inquisitive about other people's lives. Never have been tbh. I just figured if someone wants to share they'll tell me. That's what I do anyway. My girlfriend will sometimes get angry with me if I don't ask her family/friends about their lives and says I sometimes checkout of conversations. For example, we were hanging out with her friends and one of them mentioned they're going on a trip somewhere. I responded with "Cool! That sounds exciting" and didn't really ask any questions beyond that because in my mind I felt like I got the full story.
I just wish I could find someone that thinks like me. LIkes the things I do in the same way I do, wants to achieve the same things I do. Socializes like I do. It's not like I don't have friends or a social circle, it's just that I don't have anyone around me who's like me and it's a very alienating and lonely feeling that I've dealt with throughout my life, from family to friends to relationships. It leads to me isolating myself sometimes. Even enjoying my own company over that of others.
I don't know why in 27 years on a planet of 8 billion people I haven't found a single person that thinks like me. Maybe I have some condition like autism or something. Who knows, the only thing I know for sure is that I'm tired.

The episode resumed on a shot of Zee and Jo, their skin tones back to normal, running up to a smiling Chris. "Welcome back," he told the camera. "Zee and helper Jo are the first to arrive here, at the world's largest mud puddle!" The camera pulled back, revealing that the trio was standing near the edge of a large lake of burbling mud, a measuring stick rising out of it at the nearest edge.
"It's eight feet deep," Chris explained over a close-up of the measuring stick showing the mud reaching up very nearly to the 8' mark, "and 200 yards across. And," the camera quick-panned to the far right side of the 'puddle', "since it's too thick to swim through," the shot cut back to the couple and Chris, "the only way to the other side is with one of you piggybacking the other."
"Umm...," Zee said hesitantly, sharing a wary look with Jo, "doesn't that mean the person on the bottom..."
"Will drown?" Chris finished. "Yes."
"What?!" Jo said in wide-eyed shock.
"Unless they use this garden hose!" Chris added, a light chime playing as he held up a length of green hose.
Zee let out a breath. "Okay then. Guess I'm on the bottom, then."
Jo's eyes widened a bit in a brief bit of surprise, and she looked at her partner. "I should be objecting to this since I'm supposed to be the helper, but hey. No heavy lifting from me."
"Yeah…" Zee agreed half heartedly.
Confessional: Zee
"I was able to hold Jo onto my back while we were skiing," Zee told the confessional. "I can still do the same while under mud."
Confessional Ends
"I know that I said you were weak in the past," Jo said, "but that was until I saw that you were able to make it this far in the game."
"You thought wrong about me," Zee replied. "I wasn’t active at first in challenges and finding food, but with Julia eliminated, I was able to grow and become a finalist."
Chris suddenly stepped between the two. "How touching. Now start the challenge."
The scene cut to Zee and Jo jumping into the mud, the former disappearing below its depths while the latter, on his shoulders, held up the length of the hose. They started moving forward, and the camera panned back to the left to show Harold, Scarlett, and Chris holding up another length of hose.
"Yeah, I'll be on top," Harold stated.
"Pardon me?" Scarlett countered, raising an eyebrow.
"I don't trust you not to let me drown," Harold told her. "Self-preservation comes first."
Scarlett groaned. "That's fair," she said, taking the hose from Chris, "but if you let me suffocate, I'm dragging you down into the mud with me."
"Crustal," Harold deadpanned, and as Scarlett crouched down, she jumped onto the brainiac's shoulders. Scarlett stood back up and put the end of the hose in her mouth, and she jumped into the mud.
The tense music faded away as the camera moved onto Chris, the host sighing as Chef walked up. "You think the mud was a bad idea?" Chris asked. "It's a little quiet… oh yeah," Chris said as if in sudden realization, "almost forgot about the Peanut Gallery. Bring 'em back in!" he said into a walkie talkie he only then pulled out.
Moments later, the wind kicked up around them, and the camera zoomed out to show the large helicopter flying in with the former contestants still hanging – and screaming as they swayed ominously – below it. "Would you let us down already?!" Leshawna shouted angrily. "It's freezin' up here!"
"Yeah, I want to cheer for Zee!" Julia chimed in.
"If I wasn't tied up right now, I'd have half a mind to pound you!" Duncan shouted at the host.
The camera focused on DJ. "Hey, Chris?" he looked forward and asked loudly. "Just bring us down before anybody else gets miffed at you!"
"No, and I don't care," Chris answered with a calm smile, until Chef whispered to him. A flat note played over a close-up of Chris staring blankly at him. "Huh...good point," he admitted. "Ooh!" he said with a sudden grin. "I just had an idea!"
A flash took the scene to Zee and Jo, the tense challenge music resuming at a low volume and slow pace in the background. They were still slogging through the mud, Zee out of sight but Jo only submerged up to her stomach. She looked back over her shoulder, smiled, then said "Keep going!" into the piece of hose she was holding. "They're way far behind!"
Confessional: Zee
"So as it turns out," Zee said, "being submerged in the mud is kinda like being trapped in the dark. But there aren't any animals below to scare me."
Confessional Ends
The music ramped up as Jo suddenly stopped moving, then seemed to turn around and start moving back towards the start. "Uh, Fruit Loop?" she asked into the hose. "We're going the wrong way!"
The camera cut to Harold, looking somewhat bored as he held the hose atop Scarlett's shoulders, before noticing the other team and frowning. "Why are they coming this way?"
"Ugh! They're too safe to sabotage each other!" came the sudden voice of Chris McLean, the camera cutting to him standing in the show's jeep with Chef at the wheel, speaking into the microphone of the jeep's loudspeaker. "Deploy the 2.0 model!"
The shot cut back to Harold and Jo as they looked around with strange expressions, the sound of something like a rocket taking off coming from somewhere in the distance. They looked up and to the left, and the camera shifted to their viewpoint to show a large object shooting up through the sky overhead...
...then abruptly diving towards them, revealing itself as a red-eyed robotic bear with small jet engines coming out of its back. Harold and Jo screamed as their respective partners continued in their previous directions, getting out of the way as the Bear landed in the mud. It hit with enough force to cause a wave of mud, which shot all the way across the puddle carrying the finalists and their helpers along for the ride. All four immediately began to cough upon landing in a muddy heap.
Confessional: Harold
"At least I have a better shot," Harold said. "We're tied right now, but who knows what other tricks Chris has up his sleeves."
Confessional Ends
A close-up of the nozzle of a fire hose in Chef's hands preceded him blasting the muddy finalists and helpers with water, all four screaming where they'd landed on the shore of the 'puddle'. Moments later, the water was shut off, leaving them drenched but clean.
"We're all tied up," Chris announced with a smile. "Perfect time for a little break. First, let's bring in the Peanut Gallery again." He took out his remote and pointed it at a patch of ground nearby, a hole opening up in it and a rather shoddy-looking set of stadium seats shooting up out of it with the ten former contestants seated – and still tied-up – in it.
"Sha-finally," Lightning said, the shot cutting to him sitting in the top row with B, DJ, Duncan, and Max and Leshawna, Ella, Julia, Sammy, and Amy in the bottom row. "Are we gonna get to watch the rest of the challenge now?"
"Yup!" Chris answered with a happy smile, pressing the button on his remote again so that a large widescreen television emerged from another hole in the ground near him and the finalists.
"Will you untie us too?" Ella chimed in.
Chris huffed. "Whine, whine, whine," he said in annoyance. "Don't I do enough for you kids as it is?"
"No," all fourteen of the season's cast members replied at the same time.
A flat note played over a close-up of the host pursing his lips. "Yeah, I owe Chef twenty bucks about that," Chris said, the camera zooming back out again to show the finalists and helpers. "Everyone, grab a seat," he instructed, and the four reluctantly sat down on the logs lying behind them. "I'm gonna show you some of my favorite clips from the show..." He pointed his remote at the TV, and the shot focused in as it switched on and started to play footage of a confessional...
"Dunderhead was already pretty useless," Jo complained. "But now he's making moves on one of the actually decent players on the team? Not on my watch!"
The camera cut in close to show Jo pausing and looking back. "Something on your mind, Anti-Squeakerbox?" she asked, the camera shifting to show B peering at her and shaking his head.
“It's not what you think it is," Jo told him. "As long as they are on this team, Julia and Zee will not date."
“Not exactly how I wanted the elimination to play, but hey. Julia’s gone and with Zee still in the game, I could manipulate him into doing whatever I say,” Jo grinned.
The footage paused, and Chris leaned out in front of the television with a wide and mischievous grin. "Seems like there isn't a shipper on deck…" he said impishly.
"So you were trying to keep me and Julia apart?" Zee said as the camera moved to him and Jo, his eyes wide with shock. "Does this mean that...,"
"Yup. I convinced Julia to quit," Jo replied. "I didn't expect her to fully go through with it since I was gonna vote you out!"
"I can't believe you'd try and do that!" Zee said with a glare!"
"If I didn't do what I did, then you two likely would've blown challenges for us like the dueling one!" Jo argued back.
The camera focused on Julia in the Peanut Gallery. "I was trying to defend my boyfriend, but sure," she said dryly.
"I'm just worried what Chris is gonna show from Scarlett," Sammy said. "It looks like he wants to mess up the finalists and their helpers..."
"Maybe he won't show anything?" Amy suggested. "I mean, it's not like Scarlett and Harold were that close to begin with."
The shot cut back to a smiling Chris. "Oh, don't worry, I have no intention of leaving those guys out of all this fun," he said happily.
"I don't see how," Scarlett said. "Harold already knows everything about me now. I’m practically an open book."
Chris laughed. "Seems you forgot that the cameras are always on. So here's some more juicy information that everybody gets to hear." The screen on the TV went from static to a scene from the fifth episode.
Scarlett herself grabbed the dueling stick Ella retrieved, fished an electric eel out of the water, and tossed it to Max. "Max!" she cried, and her teammates looked at her in confusion, prompting her to pretend that she had coughed. "Pardon me!"
“The plan was for Max to be the only one not in the trap, so the team would know he built it and vote him off!” Scarlett confessed.
"I overheard Leshawna and Harold's conversation when they were foraging together, and Leshawna being on to me is something that I refuse to let happen," Scarlett claimed. “Zee's really gullible enough to deceive, and I'll try to talk to Ella.”
A deep, dramatic note was struck over a shot of Harold in shock. "So it was you who got Leshawna eliminated!" he scowled in Scarlett's direction.
"I wasn't ready to come out just yet, and between the two of you, you were less likely to warn anyone about me!" Scarlett retorted.
"So all this time, Scarlett was aiming to usurp her master!" Max ranted.
"I don't blame her," Leshawna commented. “As much of a pain as she is, I would've done the same thing and sent your annoying behind home.”
"Okay," Chris said happily as the shot moved onto him, "I'm sensing some major hostility and I'm liking it. I'm out of popcorn, though, so we should probably get back to the challenge."
"Seriously?!" the finalists and helpers alike exclaimed.
"Obviously, the helpers aren't gonna be very helpful anymore," Chris replied. "So, instead of helpers, Jo and Scarlett will now be hinderers." As he spoke, Chef walked back into view with a pair of video game controllers, tossing one each to Scarlett and Jo. "The island is now back online," Chris continued, "and, with these controllers, they will be able to throw up obstacles to throw you down, or, completely crush you."
The shot cut to Scarlett as she looked at her controller and smirked. "Good to know."
"Looking forward to it," Jo said in determination.
Harold and Zee gulped, and Chris laughed. "That was the good part," he said. "Let me tell you the bad part. You have ten minutes to finish this challenge," he told Zee and Harold. "If neither of you do, Scarlett and Jo get to split the money."
"Dude, what?" Zee said in shock.
"You can't do that!" Harold protested.
"I can! I will! I am! GO!" Chris announced, blowing his airhorn right in Chef's face, earning an annoyed sigh from the man. Harold and Zee immediately ran off, but the camera cut to a close-up of a thoughtful Jo.
"Well...I want the money, but I'm not really comfortable with how this is set up," Jo said to herself. "But...I guess it wouldn't be too bad if I just made this a little more challenging for them..."
"Do what you want," Scarlett said, the camera panning over to show her grinning darkly with her controller in hand. "I'm getting my justice."
Confessional: Jo
“And I thought I was an underhanded person,” Jo mentioned to herself. “Velma has less morals than me and Gnome Master.”
Confessional: Scarlett
"I was snubbed in the last episode," Scarlett confessed. "And now that I've been given permission, I can stop the finalists from winning without getting electrocuted!" She pulled out the remote from the seventh episode. "I don't even need this device. I have a controller to do the job for it."
Confessionals End
A few quick drum taps opened up a deep and dangerous challenge theme, the scene returning to Zee and Harold sprinting across the open field only to gape in shock as the pine trees in the background starting launching like rockets.
"What the heck?" Harold said. "Rocket trees?"
One landed right behind them, forcing both finalists to roll forward out of the way. "This island is wild!" Zee cried as the two continued running, more and more trees landing behind them like massive spears.
The two were shown together in a brief close-up, raising their eyebrows in surprise. A quick-pan ahead revealed the landscape changing, trees and rock formations rising up out of the artificial ground to form a large, dense barrier.
Harold jumped ahead of Zee as they climbed over the first big rock formation.
Zee vaulted downward and dashing forward along a lower 'path' among the rocks. Just as he was about to jump down onto grass, however, a boulder shot upward – and he landed on it groin-first. A close-up showed him letting out a high-pitched squeal of pain.
Harold's wince drew the camera's attention back upward to show him leaping from a boulder and grabbing onto the branch of a tree, only for the tree to suddenly shoot back down into the ground – causing him to yell as it dragged him down and slammed him back-first onto a fallen log.
Zee gave him a quick concerned glance as he jumped onto the same log, then upwards onto a rock formation before climbing onward and to the right and out of sight.
The scene cut back to the hinderers, both still working their controllers with Scarlett still looking considerably happier about it. "No need to change what works," Jo said uncertainty.
"What happened to that cutthroat attitude you've been displaying?" Scarlett asked. "Don't throw it away when I can get something out of it. And lower some of those trees. They're giving them too much cover from this storm I'm whipping up."
The camera panned onto the monitor to show Zee and Harold struggling against a powerful wind as they walked through what looked like a dense forest as leaves, dust, branches, and various small woodland animals blew past them.
A focus on the monitor's screen transitioned the scene back to the challenge. "I think...I can see the finish line in the distance," Zee said, pausing for a moment as he struggled against the intense gale.
"They're not making this easy on us," Harold commented.
The pair briefly passed behind a thick and mossy pine tree, the camera zooming in slightly as they reappeared. "Would you?" Zee asked.
"...I guess not," Harold answered after a moment.
The shot cut back to the Peanut Gallery to show them watching with worry and anticipation. "C'mon, Harold," Leshawna spoke. "Just hang in there."
"I know you can win this, Zee," Julia said. "You deserve it after everything."
Then the camera cut back to the hinderers, Chris standing next to their monitor with his hands behind his back and a smile on his face. "Ooh! They're getting close!" he said excitedly, prompting Scarlett to scowl and Jo to frown.
Once more the scene moved back to the finalists, their arms raised to buffer themselves against the winds – snow beginning to fall and lightning beginning to crack in the background - with Harold in the lead. "Two minutes left!" Chris called out over the island's loudspeaker. "Two minutes!"
"I...," Harold said with glee. "I think I can make it!"
"Not if I can help it!" Zee shouted, speeding up as the dense trees around him and Harold began to recede into the ground – and the tense and dangerous challenge music resumed. "If I win, me and Julia can go out and change the world together."
"I have to win this," Harold told him. "I've been undervalued and looked down on by my peers, friends, and even my family. I need to prove my might."
The snowy ground below their feet began to crack. A hollow sound played, then all at once, the ground shot up under them, earning startled yells from both. The shot soon cut to the new peak they were standing on rising up into the sky, then stopping.
"Drats..." Zee muttered, both finalists looking down with wide eyes. his final word echoed as the camera zoomed out, revealing the snowy mountain they were now at the top of.
The Peanut Gallery was shown gasping, as were Jo, though Scarlett was smiling as their misfortune. "Twenty seconds left...!" Chris said as the camera moved on to him looking at his watch.
The shot cut back to Harold. "I guess it's over," he sighed. “Scarlett wins after all.”
Zee noticed a bulge in the snow beside him. The boy shoved his hand into it and pulled out the phone Duncan stole from Chris. "I don't know how this got here, but we have to get down. Start stomping the ground."
Harold nodded and stomped on the ground at his feet, and after a few cracks, Zee hurled the phone down, breaking the device apart. Their eyes widened as the mountain began to crumble under them, and the ground imploded in on itself.
"Six! Five!" Chris began to count off, the music cutting out save for a single plodding note to highlight each number. "Four!" The camera panned onto the television, showing both finalists tumbling through the snow and rock. "Three! Two! One!" The shot cut to the finish banner, then zoomed out to show the avalanche stopping just under it – with neither finalist in sight. "GAME OVER!" he announced, blowing on his airhorn as a subdued but triumphant riff played.
Jo stood up in surprise, and Scarlett started cheering.
"My mission was a success!" Scarlett said in victory. “Now hand over my well-deserved prize!”
"Congratulations Jo and Scarlett," Chris said with his usual smile. "Revenge is sweetest-" he glanced at the monitor- "ohhhhh, what have we here?" he said with a sudden look of shock, the music cutting out as he pointed at the television screen.
A sharp note played as a familiar hand stuck out of the snow lying just past the finish line and waved. Scarlett's jaw dropped in shock, and Jo let out a sigh of relief.
The scene cut to the finish line, the camera pulling back a little ways as Chef walked up with a stretcher, dressed as a female nurse. Leshawna ran onscreen and pushed him out of the way. Chef flew off frame with a shout, and Leshawna grabbed the arm and pulled, freeing a shocked and snowy Harold from the aftermath of the avalanche. "Oh," he groaned, looking around as Leshawna dropped him on the stretcher, "what happened?" he asked as the victorious music began to play again with much more enthusiasm.
"You won, Ginger Baby!" Leshawna answered with a smile, the camera pulling out even more to show Harold looking back at the finish banner.
"I did it!" Harold said excitedly. "Harold Norbert Cheever Doris McGrady V has claimed victory! Boo yah!" he raised his arms and cheered, the shot cutting away to show all of the Peanut Gallery cheering.
“We weren't able to talk to each other as much, and it's clear we like each other as more than just friends, but how about we hang out a little bit back home and see where things go?” Leshawna suggested.
“As long as we don't rush into a committed relationship, I'd like that,” Harold smiled back.
The camera panned to the left to show Julia frantically pulling a dazed and half-conscious Zee from the rest of the avalanche, and picking him up onto her back.
"Julia," Zee said weakly, "I'm sorry that I-"
"Be quiet," Julia said with a weak smile as she carried her boyfriend over to the stretcher and set him down next to Harold. "You need to rest."
"But-" Zee tried to say.
He was cut off by Julia grabbing his head and kissing him full on the lips. "You didn’t win the money, but we can still provide for the world in our own ways, and with the power of love," she said with a smile as she broke the kiss, leaving Zee looking dopey.
The capstone theme began to play as the footage skipped ahead to a shot of the open sky, the double-rotored helicopter soon flying up into view. "That's it for this very, very off season," Chris began, standing in the open doorway with Zee and Julia sitting on the edge letting their legs dangle freely with Julia leaning into Zee; Harold and Scarlett standing on either side of Chris, the latter annoyed and the former grinning while holding the suitcase full of money to his chest; and the rest of the cast, crouching down and peering over in the gaps between and behind the rest, constantly jockeying for position as they tried to get one last shot of themselves on camera.
"This is Chris McLean, saying if you can't stand the pain-" the handsome host continued, the shot cutting in closer- "stay off the Total! Drama! Paaaahkitew Island!"
"RE-VENGE!" Max suddenly yelled from behind Scarlett, shoving her out of the helicopter, and the brainiac screamed as she fell.
The camera lingered on the dumbfounded looks of Chris and the other ex-campers, all of them staring at Max in shock. "This is how a traitor should be rewarded," he said, crossing his arms and closing his eyes defiantly.
The ex-campers and host burst out laughing, and a fun and energetic tune started to play. The camera panned over to the windshield to show Chef laughing along with the rest of the cast from the pilot's seat, and the helicopter flew away.
The music soon faded away, though, and the scene quick-panned down to show a screaming Scarlett landing in the giant mud puddle. She quickly surfaced with a shocked splutter, and pulled herself out onto dry land. "How am I going to get home now because of those imbeciles?!"
A few ominous notes were struck, and a ferocious growl caught Scarlett's attention. She looked up, and the camera zoomed out to show Scuba Bear 2.0 standing over her, eyes red. "Heheh," the brainiac laughed nervously. "You're not going to hurt me are you?"
The scene abruptly cut outward to the full long-distance shot of the island, the ominous music ending as Scarlett's scream and Scuba Bear's snarl echoed across the lake.
(Roll the Credits)
Lightning - 14th
DJ - 13th
Amy - 12th
B - 11th
Julia - 10th
Max - 9th
Leshawna - 8th
MERGE
Jo - 7th
Duncan - 6th
Ella - 5th
Sammy - 4th
Scarlett - 3rd
Zee - 2nd
Harold - 1st

They got breakfast at a fast food chain none of them had ever heard of; it was pretty good. Mike had a weird little egg, bacon, cheese, and tomato sandwich on a sweetish roll; it was maybe a seven out of 10.
Once they got back on the road, Mike slumped in the middle row of the van, as usual. Jenna was driving this morning, while the lazy freak tried to nap in the passenger's seat. This seemed to Mike like an excellent time to "get his kicks," so to speak, and so for a half-hour as they drove, he nudged and kicked and generally jostled the freak's seat.
Finally, just as they were approaching a rest area, the thing in the passenger's seat grumbled and sat up straighter.
"Babe, can you pull in here a sec?"
"You got it," Jenna said.
Once they were pulled in and the vehicle stopped, the freak turned slightly in the seat and looked at Mike, who was still kicking.
"Do we have a problem?"
Oooh, the thing was mad. Poor stupid freak. Mike kept looking at his phone, pretending not to hear and still nudging the seat. No way he was gonna let some testosterone-destroyed woman intimidate him. Stupid bitch.
At least, that was how he felt until, with wild suddenness, the thing turned back around, then slammed out of the van and ripped open the door closest to Mike.
"I said, do we have a problem?"
"I... What?" Mike said lamely.
"Do we have a problem, you sad little chuckle-fuck? 'Cause all I've been is kind and considerate of you this whole trip, and all you've done is be obstinate and rude and whiny, and then you kick the back of my seat any time I'm in front of you and I'm fucking done."
Mike whipped his head around to look at Jenna, hoping she would defend him, would call off the attack-tranny. But Jenna sat calmly at the wheel, looking through her phone like nothing was going on.
"Look, I..." Mike began.
"No. I know what you think about me, and I know how you talk about me when I'm not around because, believe it or not, wives and husbands talk about shit that bothers them, and your sister, my wife, is hella bothered by the shit you say about me when it's just you and her. Oh, and we know all about the dumbass internet stuff too, thanks to your parents. Hell, half the reason they're sending you to your uncle is so maybe he can talk some sense into you."
"That's not... Mom and Dad are having problems, but they're too selfish to also protect me, their child..."
"Sending you away for a year is to protect you!"
"The hell it is! If they wanted me safe, they wouldn't send me off with some tranny fuck that'll probably try to rape my ass and..."
That actually made the freak back off a step, and Mike heard Jenna make a choked little sound of surprise from the front seat.
"You... You fucking little pile of shit," the freak muttered.
"Look, leave me alone, or I'll call Mom anf Dad and say..."
"Oh, you wanna call your folks? Go ahead. Meanwhile, Jenna and I will call them too, and tell them that your stupid bullshit has only gotten worse. Then we'll call your Uncle Ken and have him drive out here to meet us and pick you up to take you back to his place himself."
"Maybe that would be better," Mike said, trying to contain his outrage that this thing thought it could talk to him like this.
"Well fuck, guess we'll do it then. Hell, your uncle already offered to drive almost across the damn country to pick you up himself anyway, but Jenna said we could handle it, since we were headed out here. But now... Hey, Jen, guess you better get Ken on the phone, tell him to come pick up this little fucker."
"DON'T CALL ME NAMES, YOU TRANNY BITCH!"
"Oh, you think I've called you names? How about all the shit you call me, fucker? Tranny, freak, groomer, bitch. Of course, that last one you don't just reserve for me; you talk about women that way too, when you're not calling them cunts, or whores, or worthless cocksleeves..."
"How'd you know that?" Mike cut in.
"Because the cops are looking at some of those damn message boards you're on, fucker! Because they talked to your parents and showed them posts you made on the same thread where some loser incel was planning to shoot up a damn kindergarten! They talked to your parents and your parents warned us because of how you talk about me and about your own sister!"
"Listen, you sick fuck..."
"No, you listen! You might think of me as a woman, and inherently worthless, but that can't phase me, because I already dealt with all that shit for the first 16 years of my life. If you wanna prove you're a big, strong alpha, then you can step out here and face me like a damn man and we'll see who wins. I been in plenty of fights, always to defend myself, and I've only been beaten once, so if you wanna try it..."
"Hey look man..."
"Whatsa matter? The big strong man afraid? Aw, poor little baby afwaid of the twanny? Fuck you, bro. Seriously. Fuck your damn bullshit, and fuck whoever taught you that's how to be."
"I didn't... I never meant..."
"I don't need this stress, even if I can handle it, and your poor sister sure as fuck doesn't need it right now either!"
"Frank..." Jenna hissed.
"I'm sorry, babe. I'm real sorry, but maybe somehow it'll get through this little fucker's thick skull that he's an asshole if he knows a few facts."
Now Frank leaned in and almost got in Mike's face.
"You cannot get to me with your dumb thoughts and your slurs and your juvenile bullshit. Anything you can say or do is nothing compared to what I've already been through. When I was your age, my dad tired to beat me to death for being trans, and then he tried some shit some of your little friends online talk about wanting to do to women. I got lucky and someone called for help. "You can never hurt me as much as that asshole, may he burn in Hell, did. But if you keep on with your heinous shit, and you keep stressing your sister out like you have been, and she loses our baby because of it, then I hate to think of the torment waiting for you if there's a life beyond this one."
Mike jerked his head around and looked at Jenna.
"You're knocked up?"
"Well, I mean, I'm pregnant," she corrected him.
"She's pregnant with our baby," Frank said, "and if anything happens to her, or to the baby because you're a little fucker..."
"Dude, I'm sorry! I... I didn't know! I didn't mean..."
"What you meant or didn't mean doesn't matter. You've said stuff that lets me know you want me dead just for existing. I don't even care about that; plenty of people who don't even know me want me dead for existing. But you've also said things that imply you could be a danger to your sister, and since she's my wife, that means you've crossed me. My main drive in life right now is to protect my wife and family. Technically, you're part of my family, but if I have to, I will pull you out of this van and leave you here to wait for your uncle."
"I... Look, man, I'm sorry, okay? It was just goofing around on the internet, okay? I... I'd never really hurt someone or..."
"Really? 'Cause from what the cops showed your folks, you're sure at least cheering on other assholes who wanna hurt a lot of people."
"I was just talking! I was... It's how people talk online."
"Not anywhere I hang out."
Then Frank stepped back again and slid the door closed. Jenna had hopped out of the van as well, and Mike watched her cross around in front and meet Frank. They hugged, and kissed in a really sweet, short way, not all weird and tonguey like in movies and shit. Then they stood there talking a while, and Jenna pulled her phone back out as she slipped past Frank and got into the seat he had previously occupied.
"Jenna, I... I'm really sorry," Mike said. "If I knew you were pregnant..."
"Be nice if you could be a good person for reasons besides me fulfilling what I'm sure you think is my soul purpose in life," Jenna sighed.
Meanwhile, Frank had gotten behind the wheel of the van again.
"There's a cheap campground maybe eight hours away," Jenna told him. "Looks like they have slots open. I can book us a few days right now."
"Sounds real good, sweetheart. You okay?"
"I'm perfectly okay. You?"
"I'm good. I'm good. You all right back there, Michael?"
"Y-yes, sir."
"Cool-cool. Well. Let's get goin' again."
4 Table of Contents

Previous part
I stood in my doorway, frozen to the spot as Shaoni walked past me, into my house.
“Weren’t you going to invite me in?”
Shaoni cooed at me, somehow making the arbitrary question sound like a threat.
“I uh… what can I get you.”
I stammered out, automatically reverting to subservient. I know it sounds bad but when you’ve seen what I’ve seen her do you listen first, ask questions later.
“Is water alright? It’s all I’ve got since I only just moved here because… well I guess you know why already.”
I said, wanting to keep the orange juice I was currently hiding behind me in the fridge for myself.
“The visions? Yes I do know about them. It’s what drew all of you here, just like I wanted. Though you weren’t supposed to see the stage yet, none of you were.”
She said, narrowing her eyes at me, presumably because of my earlier expedition into the mine.
“Why do you keep saying “you” like there’s more than one of me?”
I asked, finally working up the confidence to question her.
“Because there is, do you really think you’re the only one I marked? Keith your a special case yes, but not that special.”
“Special case? What do you..”
“If you let me finish I’m getting to that.”
Shaoni cracked back at me, I could feel the pressure in the room rise with her temper.
“Sorry ma’am… it just slipped out.”
She seemed to find my knee-jerk formal apology amusing and the pressure in the room returned to normal.
“I offered several people the same deal I offered you, most accepted. These are the others I refer to, all of which are here or on their way here now. That’s what the dreams, visions, whatever you’d like to call them, were for.”
“So you wanted us here, all together in this one specific town, why?”
“The trials of course, if you remember you agreed to take a burden from me. I guess I would describe it more accurately as a gift but it has become a burden for me.”
“What is it?”
“Now where’s the fun in telling you now? Besides your smart enough, I’m sure you’ll figure it out on your own.”
She answered, smiling devilishly at me and sending little pin pricks of ice down my spine. I let the conversation fall silent for a bit, watching Shaoni sip absentmindedly at the glass of water I’d given her before I asked another question.
“So what exactly are these trials for?”
“I want to use them as a selection process, it separates the wheat from the chaff as the saying goes. Only one of you will take on my burden and I want to make sure its the right one.”
“Ok, that makes sense but I’ve still got one more thing. Why did you say I was special before?”
I inquired, as Shaoni got up and started to leave.
“Well, because this is all new to you, you have no idea of the forces really at play in the world, the “supernatural” is what you’d call it. You’re at a particular disadvantage because you didn’t know what you were getting into so I figured I’d help out of the kindness of my heart. In addition to that, many of those I’ve chosen came from my own followers. You are one of the few I found on my travels that accepted my deal. I believe in keeping things fair, and so I came to warn you of what’s to come.”
Shaoni told me as she walked out the door without so much as a goodbye. The storm that had been brewing outside left with her, dropping bits of cracked branches and loose leaves to the ground as she got further and further away. I finally realized I was still standing at my front door, glued in place watching her. Once I closed and locked the door I heard a shrill screech pierce the night as Shaoni shed her human appearance and took to the skies as I saw a single shiny grey feather flutter to the ground.
I didn’t get much sleep that night, I didn’t even try. After something like Shaoni waltzing into my home like she owned the place and telling me I’m about to be part of some kind of “trials”, I just gave up on sleep that night. What I was worried about more than anything was the fact that I didn’t have a choice. Sure, she had never said that out right but if she showed up to tell me the trials were starting and I said no, that wouldn’t go well. I’d probably end up like those men in Imalone, just ashes on the wind. There was something she wasn’t saying as well. Shaoni wanted to flaunt that there was some sort of reward at the end of this, that the whole process would help her select a “worthy candidate”. But the reward was also the burden I had agreed to take. If whatever it was was something she wanted to get rid of why would anyone look at it as a reward? Something just wasn’t adding up in my head so I decided not to think about it for a bit. I instead I threw on some clothes as the sun finally rose and made my way over to Bianca’s house to pick up my backpack that she still had.
“Hey there Frank. Where’s Stein I wanted to ask how that research was coming, and has anyone seen Bianca?”
I said as soon as I’d walked in the front door. Rocco was eating something out of a bowl on the counter top and shot to attention as he saw me.
“What do you just live here now?”
He remarked, whirling around to face me. Frank looked up from the paper he’d been reading at the counter and gave me a half hearted wave.
“Stein’s in the basement testing a few samples of thunderbird feathers Tuck brought in.”
“You know Tuck? The mountain that just so happens to run a bar in town, that Tuck?”
“Yes of course, he’s helped us immensely with developing a suppressant for lycanthropy.”
“I… we’ll unpack that one later I guess but I’ve got too find Bianca first, she still has something of mine. Let Stein know I’m looking for him if he comes back up.”
I told Frank as he nodded in acknowledgment and I made my way over to the stairs leading up to the second floor.
“Oh god dammit, I just got that!”
I yelled to no-one in particular as I knocked on Bianca’s bedroom door. I heard a crash behind it as Bianca came flying towards me, throwing open the door and almost smacking me in the process.
“What the hell is going on why are you here! And what did you just get?!”
She belted out at me, apparently startled by my outburst. She had a long loose t-shirt on and maybe something on underneath that, I wasn’t going to check. I must’ve turned crab red as I saw her but it didn’t stop me from telling her what I just pieced together.
“Their names, Frank and Stein, Frankenstein. They did that on purpose didn’t they? I can’t believe I didn’t pick up on that sooner!”
“What are you… oooh, OOOH! I’ve been around them how many years and I’m just picking up on that too.”
She said, sounding a little disappointed and smacking herself in the head with the palm of her hand.
“So what’re you doing here anyways Keith?”
“You still have my backpack from yesterday and I could use that back.”
“Oh sure I forgot about that, come in.”
She said holding open the door for me and causing her shirt to hike up a bit, She did not in fact have anything other than what you’d expect on under it.
“Ummm… do you maybe want to get dressed first?”
Bianca turned redder than I’d ever seen anyone get in an instant. Her eyes Immediately started glowing and she slammed the door shut, apparently just realizing she had answered the door in nothing but a T-shirt and underwear. I heard of muffled groan of embarrassment from the other side of the door and decided to leave her to it.
When I came back downstairs into the living room Frank and Stein where waiting for me on the couch. It was a sight to see, two old scientists sitting in the middle of a lavish black leather couch that wrapped the outer edge of the room. The two looked out of place, like a time traveler trying desperately to look normal in a society they knew nothing about.
“Before you guys start I’ve got to know, did you do that intentionally?”
“Did we do what, what are you talking about?”
They both asked in unison.
“The names, Frank and Stein, did you do that on purpose?”
Frank smiled at this and looked toward Stein who seemed to be fuming.
“It’s been 60 years since I’ve heard that question and no, its purely coincidental. We just so happen to share similar names with this Frankenstein”
Stein replied, actually shaking with anger. Frank on the other hand, seemed to be thoroughly enjoying himself. In light of this I decided to push my luck just a little further.
“Ok, but I’m still going to call Rocco Frankenstein’s monster from now on, I can’t just pass up that opportunity.”
Frank laughed at this and Stein shook his head in disappointment.
“Children, both you.”
“Oh come now Stein, even you have to admit its a little humorous.”
“I will not be compared to some fantasy doctor and their failed facsimile of life! Rocco is a proper experiment with guidelines and uses that monster from the story is just a harebrained pet project!”
Stein fumed, seemingly offended at the concept of being compared to doctor Frankenstein. After a short tirade, none of which I really want to repeat here, we got Stein calmed down. Then the two got me seated and asked a question I wasn’t expecting.
“Do you know why we decided to settle down in this town in the first place?”
The question took me by surprise, I had assumed they just ended up here for no particular reason. Like a tumble weed being blown across the desert. They were here now caught on a fence or something but I always got the sense the wind would blow them along to somewhere else eventually. I hadn’t given much thought as to why they would be here at all. My vacant stare must’ve clued them into the fact that I had no idea how to answer the question.
“Let me rephrase, do you have any idea why things like Bianca or Tuck or even us seem to be concentrated here?”
Stein asked again, a calm tone to his voice like he was explaining something to a child.
“Tuck? What does Tuck have to do with this? I get you two are supernatural researchers and Bianca is a succubus but Tuck is just a really, really string guy right?”
I shakily asked, slowly drawing a connection to what Frank said about Tuck and lycanthropy when I came in.
“Tuck is a werewolf, a repentant one but a werewolf nonetheless.”
“That… actually would check out, It would definitely explain why the guy is built like the Rock’s bigger cousin. But what exactly are you getting at?”
“This town Keith, There’s a reason it attracts people like us and the Thunderbird is a big part of that. It had been sleeping in the mines as far as Frank was able to tell, once it woke up it caused the collapse and it made a huge stir. Obviously reports came out about this massive thing coming out of the ground and talking flight but you’ll never find any of them. The government stepped in to help Eagles peak cover up its existence, if people knew about the Thunderbird there would be uproars and questions as to what else was out there, questions no-one really would’ve had answers too. Instead they buried it and tried to bury most records of this town, turning it into a haven for the supernatural, especially those who would rather be left alone.”
Stein’s lecture made sense, if the town was basically wiped off the map as far as recent information goes it would explain its small size. I really hadn’t seen anyone in town besides those people getting off the bus the day I met Tuck and a few employees at local stores I went to. But not all of them could’ve been supernatural beings right?
“So are you trying to say everyone in town is some kind of what… supernatural entity?”
“Nothing as grand as that but there’s certainly more supernatural beings than usual concentrated in this town. Even some of the normal people have ties to the supernatural here. It’s a place were people who know about these things can pass through without to much scrutiny. What’s more interesting though is the other Thunderbird sightings we were able to dig up. Almost all of them lead to a town like this, taken off the usual map with a barley visible digital presence. Tiny little nowhere places that aren’t known for much and never show up on the news. The Thunderbird seems to be making these sanctuary’s for the supernatural throughout the world. It doesn’t seem to monitor these places afterwards but they certainly never recover from the coverups after the Thunderbird makes an appearance.”
Stein continued to lecture, speaking just as much with his hands as he did with his words.
“Has she ever come back to any of these sanctuaries she’s created.”
“She!? You don’t mean the woman you saw in Imalone? I had chalked her up to a stress induced hallucination.”
I had to briefly explain to Stein that I had not in fact hallucinated the naked woman that ultimately turned out to be Shaoni, to his displeasure.
“So you saw this woman then?”
“Yeah, in the cave attached to what I’d have to guess were the mines. She even showed up at my house last night.”
“It… she, talked to you?”
“She said that there was going to be some sort of trials to see who takes on this burden of her’s. The whole thing was really unclear if I’m honest.”
“So she’s coming back then, not only that but she’s in the town or the forest right now. I don’t get to say this often but I really don’t know what’s going to happen with this Keith. Frank and I will keep an eye on what we can but we’re researchers, if she decides to pull you into these trials we won’t be much help.”
Stein said, growing concerning on his face. I don’t think seeing Stein in this state did anything to assure me. This is someone who worked on the wrong side of world war 2 and he seemed scared by the thought of what Shaoni might be up to. It was at least nice to know someone would be monitoring the situation when I got myself killed.
“I could go with him.”
An unexpected voice cut through the silence of the room, Bianca’s voice. She had wandered down from her room wearing a black leather jacket paired with a tight red shirt and ratty jeans, my ratty jeans I noticed. She had the backpack she owed me in one hand and her eyes locked on us.
“What?”
We all said, in shock of what Bianca had just offered.
“I could go, watch your back and see what’s going on with these trials. I’m familiar enough with the supernatural, not as much as Frank or Stein but I could help.”
She said with raw unfiltered confidence that was unusual for her.
“I couldn’t ask you to do that, I told you the story, you know what Shaoni is capable of.”
I bargained, hoping to keep her out of the line of fire for some reason. I knew it would probably be smarter to bring her with me if I did get forced into these trials but some protective instinct kicked in. I’d seen her barley able to keep herself together just talking about her past and shut down when someone grabbed her. I didn’t want to see her get hurt trying to look out for me. Her past obviously still effected her in a big way. Another part of me wanted to bring her with me just to see her fight against the power her past still held over her. When we were on the way to that mine yesterday she finally seemed alive. Bianca wasn’t just this this scared person living in a gilded cage with two people who took her in like a kicked puppy. Yesterday she was her own person again, if only for a little bit.
“Look I can’t stay here doing nothing forever, besides you helped me out watching the house way back when you first got into town. You didn’t hold the fact I manipulated you into it against me and you never really cared about what I was. I at least owe you this Keith, please.”
Bianca begged, I didn’t feel like she was trying to pul me one way or another this time, the choice was my own. I could also tell it was hard for her to give me a choice, her nature was to just use her power and make me agree with her. That single fact meant more to me than whatever fight was going on in my head, I nodded to tell her I agreed.
Frank and Stein weren’t particularly thrilled with the idea of Bianca watching out for me. They were worried it put her in too much danger. Despite the situation surrounding those three I could tell Frank and Stein really did care for her, or at the very least worried about her. She may not realize it but she was like a daughter to them, anyone could see that, anyone but her apparently. Or maybe she had closed herself off from the world so much to try and survive on her own that she just couldn’t bring herself to realize it anymore. I think that’s the more likely option but it begged the question. Why exactly does she keep going out of her way for me?
Bianca managed to convince them to let her keep an eye on me. Thanks in no small part to the fact that she claimed living anywhere near Rocco for prolonged periods of time was hazardous to her health. At which point almost as if on cue, Rocco shot out of a wall. Not off of it or out from around, no straight out of the wall sending plaster flying like shrapnel. Right after this we smelled the beginnings of an electrical fire. Rocco ran back into the room and jumped back through the hole in the wall with a fire extinguisher. Frank and Stein lost their minds at this point and went to find the proper equipment to deal with that. They agreed with Bianca on the spot after that one. Rocco claimed he was “trying to update the wiring in the house”, whatever that meant but you could never tell with him. Once everything had calmed down I headed over to the kitchen to make lunch for myself. I settled for a bologna and mustard sandwich and sat down to eat. As soon as I took a bite of the sandwich my phone rang with a number I didn’t expect a call from, Mom.
“Hi, what’s going on?”
“Are you ok, You never call, I just got your message.”
My mother Carla said, in that worried but angry tone only mothers can pull off.
“I’m fine mom I just wanted to let you know what was going on with me, I don’t think I ever told you I was moving and I didn’t want you to worry.”
Bianca walked into the kitchen at this point in the conversation and looked at me. I put my finger to my lips and shushed her. She just sat down across from me and took a bite out of MY sandwich.
“You didn’t, I know I don’t see you much and your fine on your own but I still worry. We were never the closest but that doesn’t mean I don’t wan to know If you’re moving halfway across the country on a whim.”
“I know mom, I know. A lot of things happened at once and it was such short notice I just… forgot.”
“I understand… just call me next time alright, and if you ever just want to talk I’m here. Just because we weren’t all that close doesn’t mean I don’t want to hear from you now and then. Anyways I have to get back to work.”
“Oh, ok Just… how’s dad doing?”
I sighed knowing the answer to my question already.
“He’s… he’s the same Keith, Love you.”
And with that Carla hung up.
Bianca eyed me with a mildly stunned look on her face. Like she just realized I was born not raised in a test tube somewhere.
“That was your mom?”
She asked, pointing at the phone in my hand and still eating the sandwich I had made for myself.
“Yes, Oh come on give me that!”
I yelled, reaching for the sandwich in her hand. She laughed and pulled it away, finishing it. She tried to speak with a mouthful of sandwich but I couldn’t make out a thing till she gave herself a minute to chew.
“I haven’t talked to my mom since the whole thing with Brooke. She never approved and that was that, I went my way and she went her’s.”
“What about your dad?”
I asked her, suddenly not as mad about her stealing my food.
“I never really knew him. Apparently he left when I was really young but that’s about all I know.”
“Is there a single question I can ask about you that won’t just leave me feeling sorry I had a moderately normal life before this? Really I just… that’s terrible.”
Bianca looked a little sullen as she thought about her family, her real family. I realized that as strange as this whole relationship with Frank and Stein was it was the closest thing she had to something stable. Hell, I might be the first real friend she’s had outside of the house in years.
“Tell you what, I’m suddenly hungry for some reason so why don’t we head down to the Eagle’s Roost and get something to eat?”
I glared at her just a little bit as I said that first part.
“It’s like 1o’clock now I don’t think Tuck opens up till 5 or so.”
“Well I’ve got a few questions for him now, besides last time I went down there early too and he was just hanging out behind the bar, didn’t seem to mind either. Wait, you know him? He didn’t really look at you when he saved us yesterday, come to think of it he barley mentioned you.”
“Yeah I’ve seen him coming in and out of the house when he helps Stein with his experiments, giving blood and tissue samples to him, that sort of thing. I don’t know why he didn’t say anything to me. Maybe cause he thought Frank and Stein didn’t know I was out there so he just didn’t want to stick his toe in that situation?”
She had to think for a second about that last part, furrowing her brow and shrugging when she couldn’t come up with anything better.
“Could be it, anyways its just one more thing I can ask him. So are you coming with me or what?”
“Yeah sure, just let me pack a few things.”
“Pack a few things? What do you mean it’s just…”
But Bianca was already running up the stairs back towards her room.

I discovered Shera's videos quite a few years ago, and loved her humour as well as her message to level up. I started noting down all her little gems. They give me motivation, and a giggle too. I am older, in my fifties, and have been happily married for over 15 years, so I don't need her dating, sugaring, or 'get the bag' advice, but I do love her level up advice. I saw another lady share her notes, so I wanted to as well. There are tons, I've realised! I hope you enjoy them!
~~

How do you become the prize?

If you don’t start as the prize, then you aren’t the prize. If you don’t know if your mind that you are already the prize then you can never be the prize.

~~

How to be more feminine so I can be spoiled more?

It’s a lifestyle. You have to act, fake it until you make it, and create a lifestyle. The days that you don’t feel very feminine are the days that you have to use more of your masculine energy.

Remember to always have a space to come back to that is feminine, and recharge yourself with feminine energy. Create a more feminine environment, wear more feminine clothes, listen to music that is going to help your femininity instead of diminishing it.

Keep things that you like to do feminine and do feminine things. Going shopping, getting your nails or hair done, buying shoes, picking out décor for our rooms, decorating tables, going on picnics, watching girly movies.

Recharge yourself by doing some of those things. You need to be able to recharge your femininity at least once or twice a week.

~~

Live the type of life you want already. It may not be on the scale that you want to live it at, but it needs to be a version of it. For example, if you want to live a soft, feminine life make sure your current life reflects that: your current environment, the current way you dress, the current way you walk, talk and act.

The more you receive, the better treatment you receive, if you can get a provider who can let you live a more feminine life, a softer life, then it's just going to get better and better.

But already live the life you want to live, that way they can only improve you and they see how you treat yourself and see what you like and that’s what they are going to be giving you. Your goals will be met just by dating.

~~

What are some ways to keep him interested in he provides well?

Look good
Make sure you know what his interest are
Talk to him
Make sure he feels like he is the man
Look good when you are out with him
Make sure you are pretty and heads turn ‘ooh who’s he with’
His self-esteem will skyrocket when you go out with him if you look good and he’s not going to want to leave that


~~

Men like women to switch it up as long as it’s classy.

~~

Flower attract bees to them by their bright colours and they smell good. Attract men to you:

· Wear bright pretty colours
· Smell good
· Look fresh, dewy and youthful
· Look attractive

Look like the prize. Look like his fantasy. Look through his eyes: what would he like to see?

It’s not that complicated. Bring it back down to simplicity? What do men like?

Heels
Skirts
Dresses
Makeup
Long hair
Red lipstick
Baby voice
Feminine colours
Make them feel good
Give them compliments
Let them talk
Don’t talk about your boring stuff – they don’t care

Use the formula to get success with men.

~~

If you want to dress casual in jeans and a cute top, still wear heels, hair, full makeup. If you’re going to wear jeans, you’re going to need to wear heels.

Also think about this: what sort of man are you attracting. If you wear jeans when you meet you’re going to get taken to a jeans date. Dress for the life you want.

~~

Comment:
When we had a fight I cut my hair short & bangs & went shopping. He was so glad he said “you look like a different person!” The fight was forgotten & he treated me new again & took me shopping again.

~~

"Life is fun! (...) life is a movie, life is a stage. Get into character... "

~~

Men don’t care about anything else but what you look like and how you make them feel.

~~

If you’ve let yourself go, level yourself up to the point that their jaw will drop when they see you.

~~

The only limitations are the ones you believe in.

~~

What do rich men’s wives all have in common besides being pretty?

They’re feminine
They’re classy
They’re not loud and obnoxious
They don’t outshine their husband
They hold back and keep it together in public
They are well proportioned

Shera had a friend who was a little rachet, and she ended up marrying wealthy. She had to totally change everything about herself:

The way she dressed
The way she wore her hair
The way she spoke
The kind of shoes she wore
Her makeup
She had to change it all
How she acted around people
How she spoke to men
She had to change everything
It’s not that she changed who she was inside or her personality
It’s that she changed who she was around men
There’s a difference

~~

Your stock should go up after you get married, not down. If your stock is not rising after marriage you’re doing it backwards. That means still investing into yourself, your beauty, your clothing, into your stash (money, wealth and investments). If you got married and your stock plummeted, that’s your fault.

~~

Loving yourself means putting yourself first as a priority. Knowing your worth and value and not taking any crap from anybody because you value yourself, you love yourself. That’s all loving yourself means. And not talking down about yourself. And knowing that you deserve what you want in life.

Once you do that other people will as well – men, co- workers, your boss, parents, spouse, brother, sister, cousin, whoever. Whoever is in your life at the moment will recognise that you love yourself and that you don’t have to submit to them or that you’re not desperate for their approval. In fact they may start to be desperate for your approval. So make sure you’re putting yourself first.

Don’t be always talking about the other person and what they want or what they think. Don’t care who they are. Don’t care about other people or their spouse or the person they’re interested in. It’s not about them, it’s about you. If they can’t recognise you and they don’t like you, then you are wasting time.

If you have to sit there and be puzzled about why someone is not responding properly or why they’re not doing this or that, it means they don’t like you so just move on and stop trying to waste time worrying about it. You already know that in the back of your mind; you’re just hoping for a different outcome that there won’t be.

Make sure that when you realise you are putting other people before yourself as a priority then you’re not going to get the type of man or people attracted to you that you need. When you can get somebody in the click of a finger and they’re not used to that it means you are valuable and that they are not necessary. They are very unnecessary and therefore they feel like you have even more value because you don’t need them. You don’t need them, they need you. That’s why they seek you out. That’s why they call you, that’s why they ask you out.

Make sure you’re not getting caught up in silliness. If they’re not putting you first, you’re gone. Or you put them on ice; that means you let them figure it out and when they start acting right again then you allow them back into your life. If you’re chasing behind someone, if you’re worrying about someone who ghosts you then you’re not putting yourself first.

And that means you don’t love yourself. A lot of people were taught to act a certain way – not cocky etc – if you don’t, all people see you as is a doormat. You can let down your guards later when they are fully invested in you and aren’t going anywhere, but until that happens they are there to impress you.

~~

How do you fall in love with yourself when you aren’t happy with yourself?

Become happy with yourself:

· Do things that make you happy
· Look the way you need to look
· Continue to do this every day until you are happy

Only you can make you happy

~~

Don’t go out there lookin’ like Plain Jane. Plain Jane gets passed by with the eye.

~~

The key is confidence. You can learn all you want, if you don’t have confidence you can’t pull it off. The key is confidence, knowing your value, and not listening to no dusties. That’s the key, that’s the masterclass right there – be confident.

Be main character energy. Stop caring what people think. Have a goal of what you want and go for it and don’t stop until you get it. Speak positive about yourself and stop dealing with dusties. That’s just it. You do all those things and you’re going to have something. You’re going to get what you’re looking for. That’s it.

~~

It’s not what you look like – it’s how you make them feel.

Are you going to make them feel young again?
Are you going to make life exciting for them?
Do they enjoy being with you?
Do they like being seen out in public with you?

~~

Shera, on when you talk about all your feelings and prior history:

“You’re being an informant on yourself. You’re telling on yourself. You’re giving out all your secrets and revealing everything. So that’s definitely not feminine energy, because feminine energy is naturally dark. You know, it’s water, it’s the cosmos, it’s that. So when you’re revealing everything, when nothing is unknown and everything is known, now you’re masculine. Because that’s light- everything is known. So the more you say, the more you tell, the more you open up, the more masculine you become in that energy, and the less mystery and femininity and feminine allure you have, because now you’re an open book. And they have all the clues to how the story ends and how to manipulate the character.”

~~

“Feminine energy is naturally dark, is water, is the cosmos, is that. So, when you are revealing everything, nothing is unknown and everything is known, now you’re more masculine, because that is light, everything is known.

So the more you say, the more you tell, the more you open up, the more masculine you become in that energy, and the less mystery and femininity and feminine allure you have because now you are an open book, you’re predictable.

And they have all the clues to how the story ends and how to manipulate the character.”

~~

Get them to worry about you, while you worry about you.

~~

How do you find your purpose? You create it.

~~

Leveling up is actually a lot of fun when you are present and mindful about it it’s probably be the best gift you could ever give yourself as a woman.

~~

Stop caring what other people think and live the life you want to live. If you don’t like kissing people’s butts, don’t kiss their butt.

~~

A lot of women don’t realise that if you just get into your feminine, and you stick with your standards, you can get what you ask for.

~~

How to become detached and unbothered?

Stop caring. When you care too much, that’s when you can’t detach and be unbothered. Stop caring, become ‘take it or leave it’. That’s your attitude. You will be fine with it or without it.

~~

Comment:

Three years ago I was getting yelled at a public train station (which we had to take because neither of us had a car) by my dusty disgusting ex. I lived in a cheap apartment with four unsavory roomates and their boyfriends. Now I live in a luxury high rise with a conceirge and valet. All I did today was get a facial, sit by the pool and shop. I don’t have to worry about a SINGLE THING and every man in my life treats me like a queen. I’m truly breaking generational curses; my dad left my mom with four kids alone while she worked at Denny’s waitressing overnight. If it weren’t for Shera’s wisdom I don’t know where I would be today but I just give thanks every day that I saw the light. This is my one and only life so why shouldn’t I be living peacefully and bougie.

It’s crazy how fast life can chance when you realize your worth and act on it. Keep on inching further and further; the more luxurious things you do the more the rest of your life catches up. It literally started with me going to the expensive nail salon instead of the cheap one. Then I felt like I deserved more. I moved into a nicer apartment that was out of my budget at first, then a nicer car, then I started buying designer bags and now I live in an ultra-luxurious place. Small steps and the rest of your life will catch up in time. Of course look your best every day and be healthy. And do not give a second of your time to anyone who does not treat you with respect, remember if they’re not adding to your life they are taking away.

The universe somehow just opened up and rains abundance on me. The more you surround yourself with the vibrations of prosperity the more it will be drawn to you. Ella Ringrose on YouTube helped me a lot to draw in money.

~~

Comment:

Shera ever since I started watching you I have levelled up my life completely. I lost 50 pounds and changed my whole look to be more feminine. My husband was so motivated he started making more money and bought me a home and my dream car. He does everything I want now and he feels proud to bring me home his paycheck. I no longer work and just workout every day and focus on my children. A lot of my family members don’t understand this life but I am very happy and comfortable.

~~

If you give yourself away too easily, your value is low.

~~

10 Important Habits of a Gold Digger

1)high standards
2)high self-esteem
3)perspective
4)purpose
5)options
6)be unapologetic
7)looks
8)business plan
9) knowledge/value of money
10)stay unbothered

~~

‘Busy patterns that aren’t classy make you look older’. You can show how classy your clothing is by the cut, colour and pattern, not the brand or designer.

Look to magazines for style inspiration:

O magazine = for older women
Instyle = more youthful

~~

Comment:
Men need respect, they don’t want your love.

~~

Wealthy men like women who are thin, feminine, and classy, or classy/sexy.

~~

Classic = classy. Dress in a way that you wouldn’t look crazy in a photo in 20 years time.

~~

‘We’re not trying to fit in, we’re trying to stand out.’

~~

Comment:
Looking beautiful, adore your blouse and that classy backdrop. I have earrings very similar. I have to go out now, I’m over 60 and always look stylish heading out the door . Make up and a cute dress today. You never know who is at the coffee shop 😊

~~

Be cute, be feminine, don’t talk so much. Let him do the hard work.

~~

‘You’re not his momma stop acting like it’ video
Women will turn into their man's mother without realizing it! Then he will run.

A lot of times when a woman has been in a relationship for a long time or is married, they start acting like a mother to the man without even realising it. To avoid that, do these things:
· Totally change everything – change how you dress, put more makeup on, wear heels.
· Act ten years younger.
· Don’t be concerned about the things you used to be concerned about.
· Let everything be free and fly.
· If you once worried about dishes in the sink don’t worry about it anymore.
· Change it up.
· If he realises that you stop caring and you just put all that extra energy that you were nagging and trying to organise and keep stuff right or that you were frustrated about – if you took all that extra energy and put it back into yourself – and you stopped worrying about the house and the domestic issues and him doing this, this and that. He’s going to think, ‘Well dang, everything is out of order, now she’s dressing like this and putting on makeup and looking this way, and the dishes aren’t clean anymore, or she’s not nagging me about picking up my clothes and the room is a mess’, then either he’ll get up and do it or he’ll start turning into your father.
· You mirror what they do and they’re gonna start seeing what you are doing by you have to act that way with them.
· You stop cleaning dishes, you start leaving your stuff on the floor.
· You start dressing cute, and say you’re going out.
· You forget to do stuff, or you stop helping out because you don’t want to damage your nails or the Real Housewives is on.
· Start doing the same thing to him – he watches sport, you say, ‘Oh Housewives is on, I wanna watch it. I don’t wanna watch it later.’
· You don’t do any of this like it’s revenge, just like you joined him in not being responsible, or joined him with more relaxed rules.
· He might like it. He might be like ‘you’re so laid back, you look happy today’.
· Then he might start cleaning up more because it’s not an order.
· But as long as you’re happy and not nagging him, he’s going to do it voluntarily.

~~

How you act and how you make him feel will give you more power to get what you want.

· Look good
· Be more feminine
· Speak softly
· Smile
· Laugh at whatever he is saying and make him feel good about who he is
· Let him talk more than you
· Feed his ego
· Act vulnerable and he will want to do things for you, will want to please and impress you

(I added:
· Ladylike, dainty, girlish, delicate, compassionate, considerate, sympathetic, tolerant, warm-hearted, gracious
· Calm, refined and tasteful
· Agreeable, friendly, good-natured,
· Kind, moral, pleasant, delightful)

That’s how you get what you want.

Our power is in our femininity, not in our masculinity, not in being in competition with a man, but making them weak because we are giving them exactly what no-one else does and so they’re not used to it and they yield to it and want more of it and they’re going to do what you want.

Being feminine is the key to getting what you want. There is no magic formula; it’s just ‘being feminine’. Work on that and you will get what you want. Work on your baby voice. Work on asking men for things and help, feeling vulnerable around them and stroking their ego and you can pretty much get what you want, especially if you choose the right target. Don’t go up and choose someone who has a thousand options, go up and choose someone who feels lucky to be with you and who will act accordingly.

~~

Men don’t like jealous women. You look insecure if you show jealousy. If you feel jealous, act like you don’t care – laugh it off.

~~

Men don’t like to be told what to do or have someone running their life. They don’t need you to offer them suggestions – this will just make them feel like a child, emasculated and they will rebel.

~~

Have a hobby and have a life.
Have your own life.
Make yourself number one.

Make sure he likes you more than you like him. If he really likes you he is going to chase you and not let you go, and you don’t even have to do anything to make this happen.

~~

I am not a people pleaser. I live for myself not others. And that’s how you have to be to be unbothered. Be unbothered always and you will live your best life.

~~

I live in a fantasy world every day. That’s why I can create the world that I want.

~~

A dream woman is motivation for a man in every way. If you no longer motivate him, you are no longer his dream woman.

~~

A good actress will melt into her role.

~~

Instead of waiting and having regret later, make the decision now to do what’s best for you, not what’s best for the outside world and what they think. Do what’s best for you in the long run, not what’s best for you right now in this one moment which will pass. Think ahead. Right now is gone. As soon as you think about it, it’s gone.

~~

To be a dream woman and to be worshipped by the man you are with, you have to stay focused on you. Don’t be about him. A man’s dream woman does not mean she is all over him. She has a life. Keep a healthy distance instead of being extra clingy. That way you stay on his level. Make sure you appeal to his friends (in a classy way) too. He will see that others appreciate you and know that he has the prize.

~~

“Put outfits together in your mind when negative people are talking.”

~~

How to be unbothered?

Comments:

‘Fake it till you make it. That’s what happened with me I started to pretend that it didn’t bother me. Now I’m literally so unbothered and focused on myself.’

‘When you are showing that you’re upset or bothered, you are giving them power to know they affected you. I love everyone but I do not argue. I have trained myself not to get emotional even at my husband or family. Being this way also makes you more respected, it’s part of your charisma.’

‘Being unbothered is a choice.’

~~

Comment:

If you're over 35 the best ways to look young is to drink a gallon of water a day....it's good for wrinkles..and helps your makeup glide on like butter.

Eat less and eat as much green as you can (Kale, Broccoli, Spinach) so you can be as slim as possible so that you feel good in your clothes....

Work out to increase your confidence...

Dress your age....nothing worse than a woman who dresses out of her age range...makes you look like you're trying too hard...

~~

Build confidence by not accepting that you have low self-esteem. Every day improve yourself so your self-esteem gets higher and higher. Don’t wallow in it, don’t accept it. Every day tell yourself what you want:

I look good
I feel good
I’m great

Tell yourself that. Give other people compliments, and they will give you compliments. Before you know it, you’ll have high self-esteem. You have to work on it, it doesn’t come automatically. It took a long time to tear down your self-esteem, and it takes a moment to pull it back up.

Just work on it, keep moving forward. Don’t let anyone put you down again.

~~

How to keep your husband interested

· Less communication
· Less giving of information
· Spend more time apart
· Don’t get so close that he is going to want to back up
· You have to get close then back up, get close then back up again
· Look your best at all times
· Don’t smother people and they won’t try to escape you
· Have a life
· Have things to do
· Have a to-do list that does not require that person

Go out and do things. He will appreciate you more when you get back. He will wonder what you’ve been doing. He will anticipate your return.

Don’t let him conquer you. When men have conquered a woman, they will move on. If he doesn’t feel like he can ever conquer you, he will try harder. Never let him feel like he totally has you.

~~

Masculine people (men or women) tend to run to the rescue of others.

~~

Shera, on uplevelling your looks and being your best every time you step out the front door: Don’t let life pass you by. Life is short. Life is very short.

Comment on Shera’s video: My mom went through a season where she dressed up and it just made our whole family and home come alive. I remember when my mom walked into the living room all fixed up and my little cousin's eyes just lit up. He said be careful don't touch her lol. He literally went from seeing her as a plain ol’ aunt to a princess. He was so young, but he couldn't fake it; that was his instincts.

~~
· It’s not about looking young, it’s about looking good.
· If you miss an opportunity to be levelling up, you are only cheating yourself.
· Stay ready.
· Every day do something to improve yourself - hair, exercise, mindset, self-esteem
· Enjoy getting ready – be creative
· If you’re wearing makeup, go bold. Men want to see the makeup.
· Men like it when you look your best. When you’re out in public, people are judging a man’s status by the type of wife he has, how she looks. You add status to any man that you are with.
· If you are attractive, you will have a lot of friends inviting you out. They will use you to attract attention because you look good. They are going to gravitate towards you and associate you with success. Your appearance will get you further than almost anything else.

~~

When you’re trying to lure a man in, dress for that man. Men do pay attention to what you look like.

Broke men pay attention to your silhouette. They look at your body because they just want to have sex with you.

Men with money pay attention to what you wear: your clothes, your shoes, your jewellery, your shoes, your hair, everything. Are you appropriate? If he wants to take it to the next level and take you out and get to know you, start a relationship, introduce you to his friends, he isn’t just looking at your body.

~~

The better you look, the more successful he looks.

~~

Men are visual creatures. Everything men do is based on that they see. How they treat you is based on what they see.

If you go without makeup, hair not done, and dressed badly, you won’t get the same treatment even by the people who see you every day. When you look good, the people around you have a little bit more respect for you. They see you looking pulled together and to see you any other way is foreign to them.

When you are levelled up, keep this in mind, don’t backslide. When a man meets you looking good, he wants to see you like that for your entire marriage. He doesn’t want you to let yourself go.

Try hard to keep yourself up during your marriage; how you looked when you met him is how he wants to see you forever more.

Men are very visual creatures, so when they see us looking bad, it upsets them. It literally makes them clench inside a little bit because they are so affected by the visual.

You are like a Christmas tree or a beautiful ornament. It’s a pleasure to look at you and they’ll want to be around you just for that.

People may treat you badly because you didn’t keep up your looks - a man could be speaking to another woman or ignoring you.

~~

“Just act and dress like a feminine lady. You’re making them feel younger by being in their presence. Watch 1950s Hollywood movie stars to watch how those ladies acted.”

Never help a man level up as they will always put you in a maternal role and look at you as a mother figure.

How to change your mindset:
1. Tell yourself that you are no longer allowing people to make you feel bad about something – that’s your choice.
2. Decide that you want to be better, and each day take action towards being better. Your self-esteem will rise from this.
3. Surround yourself with like-minded people so you can influence and help each other.

~~

People who talk less are generally more well respected.

~~

“Look for the positive in every negative comment or situation, and you will find it every time.

Whatever your weakness is, make it your strength, to fuel you to the next level. That’s how you really level up from inside. Face your weakness head on. If someone calls you fat, flaunt it. Say, ‘So what? Yes, I eat, I haven’t seen a rib in many decades, but I’m happy. I got a lovely husband, nice house, nice car.’

Instead of being a victim about it, empower yourself with it. Your flaw can be your power. It can be your power if you take it and embrace it and stop focusing on it as an insecurity. The more you focus on something as an insecurity, the more other people will focus on it because they know it’s your weakness and that’s how you get affected. Whatever your flaw is, turn it into something that can give you more than it can take from you. If people say it’s a flaw, take it and turn it into a power.”

~~

Don’t listen to what people say; what do you think? Opposition creates interest.

~~

· Be extra feminine in the way you dress, speak, act.
· Be charming - smile, don't argue (and then do exactly what you were going to do anyway).
· Ask for help from your man - opening a jar, lifting something, reaching up high, anything - they love it. Do this three times a day. Say things like 'It's too heavy for me'. Doing this makes them feel protective of you.
· When you are offered help, accept it.
· Talk to men in a feminine baby-voice.
· Practice being feminine and flirty every day to men everywhere so that it becomes second nature. Things such as asking a man for assistance at the supermarket and smiling and saying thank you in a feminine voice.
· Use your feminine charm on everyone around you.
· Look your best, put on makeup every day, smell good, be well groomed, have nice nails.
· Speak to him as if he's a person and not a child - don't try to control him. Mothers control their children and men don't want to have sex with their mother.
· Ask for what you want, but do it in a feminine way.
· Act like the prize to be the prize.
· Be unpredictable - men will get bored of you if you are too predictable. If you are unpredictable it is exciting to them plus scares them a little too. They will wonder why you are different.
· Don't talk so much.
· Mirror how he acts to bring him closer. Say your man is a bit distant; my natural inclination is to wonder what is wrong, try and talk to him etc. That is clingy, a better way to behave is mirror that - be busy doing your own things, happy but busy and let him come looking for you when he comes out of his cave.
· Be feminine in everything you do - surround yourself with reminders of your femininity - i.e. a pink phone cover.
· Be the receiver not the giver.
· Let him think up ideas, with your subtle input.
· Hardly ever text or call him at work, unless you need him to pick up something.
· Dress up every day for no reason.
· Smile.
· Always be levelling up.
· Have a plan B.
· Don't tell him your plans for the day or where you have been - be a little mysterious and let him wonder what you've been up to.
· Keep the mystery alive with privacy - closet, bathroom etc.
· Don't do everything together.
· Have hobbies and interests of your own.
· Make him feel like a man by asking his advice, seeking help from him, not trying to tell him what to do etc.
· Keep up with new trends and the latest styles. Try new looks, buy new clothes, look cute.
· Make him feel younger by being fresh, new and exciting.
· Be excited by life and easily impressed.
· Go on vacation, go out to places.
· Do new things and turn him on to new things. Do new things in bed.
· Change your looks - look different, be different.
· Listen to the latest music.
· Keep up with the latest trends in things.
· Be an exciting adventure.
· Be happy go lucky, not a care in the world, everything is fun.
· Head up, chin up, look around, smile.
· Get all excited when you talk about little things.
· Light up when you talk to people.
· Bring a high energy.
· Wear your hair long and straight or smooth-wavy.
· Be seasonal - with your look/outfit, eating, décor.
· Reinvent yourself regularly.
· Play different characters for fun.
· Channel someone else when you go out.
· Be constantly changing and improving.
· Be a lively woman - bubbly, happy, exciting, smiling, lifts their spirits, fun to be around.
· Grab his hand and pull him along like a child.
· Be energetic and breathe life into others.
· Mirror his body language about 10-30 seconds later.
· Try new things, new looks.
· Practice your charm on waiters etc.
· Be a people watcher in different environments depending on the lifestyle you desire.
· Look from the outside in - how do people view you? How attractive are you?
· Transform yourself.
· Be his ultimate fantasy girl.
· Look good, do your makeup every day.
· Speak to your him as if he is a person and not a child.
· ‘Can you help me/lift that/get me a blanket?’ in a baby voice. Get him used to looking after you. ‘This is too heavy for me, I can’t reach it’. Do this three times a day minimum.
· Ask for what you want in a feminine way.
· Use the baby voice.
· Be extra feminine.
· Be charming – smile, don’t argue – agree (but do exactly what you want anyway).
· Ask for help from men.
· When you are offered anything, accept it.
· Talk to men in a feminine nature.
· Practice being feminine and flirty every do so that it becomes second nature to you – it will become easier with practice.
· Ask questions and smile.
· Play a bit dumb (not stupid; request their knowledge).
· Use your feminine charm on everyone around you – practice on any man to get better.
· Never get too comfortable (don’t let yourself go).
· Keep the illusion going – makeup, hair, lotion, fragrance.
· Look like you did when you first met (me: 66-67kg, long blonde hair, stylish clothes).
· Men are visual creatures and your hair is foremost – long, silky and straight.
· Have your makeup on, look cute.
· Shera’s husband treated her differently when she gained weight and then lost weight.
· Shera’s advice to a lady who gained 40 pounds and now her husband isn’t attracted to her: ‘Lose 40 pounds’.
· Still look sexy even if you’ve been together a while.
· Exfoliate your face and body.
· Have glowing, moisturised skin.
· Use highlighter on your face.
· Wear perfume, body lotion, nicely scented products.
· Wear red lipstick, eye makeup.
· Wear light, modern perfumes.
· Have simple, nice nails.
· Tell him that whatever you want is your ‘ultimate fantasy’.

~~

If you want to be married to a rich man, dress like a rich man’s wife.

~~

Be unbothered

It’s so amazing to just not care. You have no idea how much better your life gets when you stop caring. When you stop caring about stuff that’s not beneficial to you, everything blossoms, everything. Because your attention is no longer on anything negative, it’s all on you, and so you blossom.

How to keep your man chasing you? Be busy, don’t call him all the time. Have a hobby or a business and let him have to go looking for you.

~~

Did you ever feel insecure about your weight?

“No.

At any weight my mental game was tight, it was good. I could get anything I wanted, so it never really held me back. The only thing that would ever make me feel insecure about anything is… I really don’t have a lot of insecurities anymore. I had the normal insecurities of a child. But when I grew up and I understood that you could take your power from any situation, you no longer have insecurities.

If I was insecure about my weight, I wouldn’t be up here on YouTube, and if someone says something about how I look, I don’t care. I say Okay yeah and so what? I’m eating good, I’m living good. It doesn’t bother me, because that’s not what defines me. I’m gonna get paid skinny or fat. I’m gonna be happy at whatever makes me feel happiest. So it’s all about how you feel about yourself and how you value yourself. You don’t base your self-worth on what other people think about you.

And the reason why I teach people you gotta look good if you want to turn heads and make men cross the room is because if you are trying to get a date, yes, you have to be concerned with what other people find attractive. But that should not ever play a role in your own personal self-esteem.

Whatever you need to feel good at the time, tomorrow or today, that’s what you need to be doing.”

~~

I asked ChatGPT 4o to write me a new song about cat paws, but in the spirit of I Like Big Butts by Sir Mix a Lot. It’s not perfect, but we thought it nailed the spirit.
Sure, here’s a playful take on a new song inspired by Sir Mix-a-Lot's "I Like Big Butts," but about cats with big paws:
(Intro) Oh my kitty, look at those paws, They’re so big and fluffy!
(Verse 1) I like big paws and I cannot lie, You other felines can't deny, When a cat walks in with those fluffy mitts, And those toe beans you can't resist, You get sprung, wanna pet 'em tough, 'Cause you notice that fur is stuffed, Deep in the pads they're wearing, I'm hooked and I can't stop staring.
(Hook) Oh, kitty, I wanna pet ya, And give you some treats-a, My home cats tried to warn me, But that fluff you got, Makes me feel so cozy.
(Verse 2) Ooh, purr-o'-smooth fur, You say you wanna play with my yarn? Well, use those paws, use those claws, 'Cause you got me wrapped up in awe. I've seen them bouncin', The way they’re pouncin', They’re wet and wild, got it goin' like a feral child.
(Hook) I like big paws and I cannot lie, You other felines can't deny, When a cat walks in with those fluffy mitts, And those toe beans you can't resist, You get sprung.
(Bridge) Paws in the air, if you feelin’ me, Show 'em you care, so playfully, You want a cat with a big ol' mitt, Paws that hit, never quit, everybody sing it!
(Hook) I like big paws and I cannot lie, You other felines can't deny, When a cat walks in with those fluffy mitts, And those toe beans you can't resist, You get sprung.
(Outro) Paws, paws, big fluffy paws, I like 'em, I love 'em, can't get enough of 'em, Paws, paws, big fluffy paws, I like 'em, I love 'em, can't get enough of 'em.
Hope you enjoy this fun twist!

Previous diary entry here: https://www.reddit.com/buffy/comments/1cuyf6k/rewatchers_diary_season_2_episodes_15_to_18/
The last sprint to the finish line: I Only Have Eyes for You (2x19), Go Fish (2x20), Becoming (2x21-2x22).
Man, I Only Have Eyes for You is such a beautiful gem of a composition. Go Fish is less bad than I remembered it (but still bottom-tier), Becoming FUCK YEAH!
I Only Have Eyes for You
It's the Sadie Hawkins dance and the gender roles are reversed—on BTVS, of all places ;-)
Xander suggests it's the brain child of a hairy-legged feminist and Cordelia is upset not only at losing her privilege of having her date pay for the date but also at having the tables turned all the way around and having to be the one who has to pay. Man I love the anti-chemistry of Xandelia.
But all is not well: Sunnydale high is haunted by the ghost of a student (James), whose romance with a teacher (Grace) was broken off by her. He responded with a murder-suicide which he is now reenacting. This is the mystery of the week.
The emotional significance is that Buffy identifies with James: she feels she betrayed and murdered Angel, unleashing Angelus. Her inability to kill Angelus in Innocence led to Jenny's death in Passion, which Buffy feels guilt about.
The punchline is Buffy and Angel(us) reenacting the ghost story, with Buffy in James' shoes, Angel surviving Buffy's murder attempt and preventing Buffy-as-James' suicide. Grace forgives James and says she never stopped loving him, the ghosts depart, Angel is back in his Angelus form who runs off.
Also, the final reveal: Spike, driven more crazy by Angelus, has been overstating his incapacitation.
I frigging love this episode.
I think Buffy's big change is her acceptance that Angel is dead, and that a demon (Angelus) has taken up shop in his body. It walks and it talks like Angel but it's no longer him. This has to be it, because the ghostly reenactment basically says that the Bangel love is forever and is still there even if Angel isn't—and yet, Buffy is more resolved and determined to kill Angelus than ever. This only makes sense if she's distinguishing between the two, i.e. if she's accepting that the man she used to love is gone.
The ghost story is beautifully tragic. The resolution, Grace's forgiveness and the departure of the ghosts, is such a heart-warming relief. And Buffy sorting out her feelings is wonderfully bittersweet.
Giles being distraught by the loss of Jenny, to the point of him not thinking straight, is heartbreaking. Metaphorically Giles is Buffy's mind, making it very fitting that Buffy's resolution is about sorting out her understanding of the Angel/Angelus distinction.
I noticed a thing: during the triangular binding spell we have Buffy at the center of the action, with Willow, Xander and Giles Cordelia supporting her, a motif replayed in Primeval (4x21).
If we understood the metaphor in Teacher's Pet (1x4) we learned that student-teacher romance means the teacher is preying on the student. Here it was... well preying is the wrong word, but here it was the student harming the teacher. I feel this might dilute the message of Teacher's Pet; this episode could've been a bit more on-brand with a line or two with the message that it's not uncommon or shameful for teens to have feelings for 20-somethings—but, if reciprocated, it's inappropriate for the older person to act on those feelings. The tie-in between James/Grace and Buffy/Angel would be perfect, the social commentary would be more to my liking, and I think the social commentary I want is on-point for BTVS. Heck, if you peel of the big S2 metaphor, I see a 16yo girl crushing on a ~26yo red flag, with disastrous consequences. The social commentary I'm calling for is the whole bloody point of S2, so why not reinforce it here? Maybe it would dilute the "awww" when Grace forgives James, like, we're meant to feel it's a sweet couple and they should get each other and that has to be an undiluted high note.
Nitpicking aside, what a gem!
Go Fish
I asked the writers for a good episode, but they said "go fish". Oh well, I guess there's plenty of fish in the sea. Let's plunge in and take a deep dive.
I remembered this as "that one really awfully disappointing episode of Buffy". This time, I found it to be merely "meh". There were a few decent comedy bits: "undercover" // "not under much" and "I'm dating a guy on the Sunnydale High swim team" // "you can die happy" #OohBurn look at the shallow Spordelia Cordelia.
There was a gender role reversal—on BTVS of all places—when Buffy walks Swimmer #2 home from The Bronze (for his protection) after he was attacked.
But on the whole... see, I kinda' enjoyed the early S2 MotW episodes, back when MotW was pretty much all that BTVS was. But now that I have tasted the Bangelus arc (again, this being a rewatch), I have lost my taste for MotWs—at least if they have no tie-in to the bigger picture. This is an episode I simply have no taste for, it doesn't excite me.
[I consider Phases (2x15) and BBB (2x16) MotW episodes with strong thematic tie-ins to the Bangelus arc: all the scoobies are dating monsters. And arguably, Passion (2x17) is about Jenny making risky dating choices, a follow-up on The Dark Age (2x8), making 2x14-2x17 a thematically cohesive run of episodes.]
Becoming
Fuck. Yeah.
Joss is such a scumbag. First he gives Buffy this great resolve and determination (perhaps after some feelings of resignation) in I Only Have Eyes for You, then he makes her waver a bit when she discovers Jenny's re-ensoulment spell. And then she gets Angel back, but it's too late since Angelus already pulled the pin on the doomsday vortex grenade, so she has to let go of him AGAIN! :(
Spike is chaotic and funny. You can always count on his loyalty, at least if you're the highest bidder, and Buffy effectively offered him his big ho girlfriend back. He's such a fool for love, wink-wink nudge-nudge.
I noticed a parallel between the trio of vampires and the trio of nerds: Angelus/Warren is the evil sociopathic leader of the group, Drusilla/Andrew has a crush on the leader and Spike/Jonathan betrays the group and sides with Buffy and the scoobies. [But also differences, of course: SpikeSilla are not as weak-willed as Andrew/Jonathan, for one. And the trio of vampires is charming.]
... and Xander brings Willow back by talking about their friendship and telling her he loves her!
Angelus talked about ascending—retro-echoing the mayor's plot in Graduation Day 2 (3x22).
Also: Angelus tried to pull a sword out of a stone (Acathla). We just went from gothic horror to Arthurian legend? Spike's reaction, "someone wasn't worthy", indicates that Angelus is a false king, not worthy of the throne of Sunnydale. He's not the real mayor so he won't ascend: while he eventually manages to pull the sword out of the stone, his ultimate fate is a downfall—he descends into a hell dimension.
The scoobies have a disagreement in the library about how to deal with Angel(us). I find it notable that it's Xander, Buffy's metaphorical heart, who responds to "I'll stop him" with "like you did last time, with Ms. Calendar"—Buffy is still feeling guilty about not having the heart guts to kill Angelus in Innocence. It's Xander who knows the location of Angelus' mansion, i.e. it's her heart which leads her to lost lover, and it's her heart which says "kick his ass". When he rescues Buffy's metaphorical mind, he (Giles) says "why would they make me see you", i.e. Buffy's mind doesn't want what's in her heart, they are conflicted. Buffy is driven by her feelings and passions now just as much as she was in Surprise when she unleashed Angelus. Once her metaphorical mind has been rescued it saves the day: she gives her regained love one last kiss and one last goodbye, then, letting cooler heads prevail, kicks his ass stabs him in the heart, breaking it, to save the day.
And some greatest hits: "nobody asks for their life to change, not really" ;; "what's left?" // "me" ;; "you hit me one time with an axe" ;; "have you tried not being the slayer?" ;; "you're expelled".
Becoming is peak Buffy.

I 16M just got my class 10 result(89.4%),I was never academically gifted or anything my parents never thought I would achieve anything whereas my brother 19M was academically highly gifted. my parents after him getting 85% in boards was pretty upset as there was no official exam held due to pandemic he used that opportunity along with other issues to get a brand new gaming laptop asking it as a means to attend classes as his previous laptop a MacBook was slow but it was all a facade as he just wanted to play games and bunk classes . me at that time had a worse laptop than the mac book(intel Pentium 4gb for ppl wondering) and really wanted a new laptop to play games yes but I was facing overall difficulty attending classes how much ever I begged I could not convince my parents to buy me a new laptop i just gave up
during 2023 my brother my brother got into a prestigious medical collage therefore as a reward got him a custom build gaming pc with graphics card an i11 10gen and all (pc cost overall more than 4 lakhs INR). me who is still stuck in the same garbage laptop asked if I could get his previous laptop as he would not need it. my brother as selfish he is ofc said no as he claimed it had Microsoft PowerPoint which he needed for school that was actually not the reason at all the laptop was actually with him for his friends when they came to his home for sleepovers to play in it. my parents ofc believed his stupid lie and sided with him.
before my exam of 10th I wouldn't rlly study for the exam as I should have but my mother promised to buy me a laptop if I get good marks (around 90% they said) my mother really didn't think I would be able to score she made my life difficult on me pressurizing me which made me emotional and cry all alone in my room. but at the end I picked up and scored
Now the result comes out. my PUC had started by then for NEET and there were some tests which idgf abt at that instant and got (416 for 720 which half decent). both the results of my test and boards came out on same day. seeing my marks she said "ooh I thought u would fail.....its alright I don't care about 10th marks u should score more in NEET exam and get a good seat in a collage". Later that day the marks for my test comes out and i get beatings for my marks. when I asked for my reward she said I don't care abt tenth marks all I care for is NEET(National Eligibility cum Entrance Test) marks which is 2years later from now.
I am the forgotten child really my parents would bathe my brother with expensive gifts, shoes, clothes when he was my age I would envy him at that time as my parents would not buy me anything that time using the excuse of u will out grow it and its no use for you. now my brother takes all my clothes and wears them and makes stains or stretch or even lost. if I ask them to buy me clothes I get beatings from belt and hangers the same happens if I ask for a new laptop saying that u promised me if I get marks.
I am on the verge of suiciding. people of reddit pls give me support I have no one to talk to now and I stay locked up in my room for the fear of being beaten while my brother is enjoying his life to the fullest and who is still being showered with stuff I will never have in his age.
for any further question if u have abt this situation or to check up on me:
https://www.instagram.com/\_shv008\_/

I 16M just got my class 10 result(89.4%),I was never academically gifted or anything my parents never thought I would achieve anything whereas my brother 19M was academically highly gifted. my parents after him getting 85% in boards was pretty upset as there was no official exam held due to pandemic he used that opportunity along with other issues to get a brand new gaming laptop asking it as a means to attend classes as his previous laptop a MacBook was slow but it was all a facade as he just wanted to play games and bunk classes . me at that time had a worse laptop than the mac book(intel Pentium 4gb for ppl wondering) and really wanted a new laptop to play games yes but I was facing overall difficulty attending classes how much ever I begged I could not convince my parents to buy me a new laptop i just gave up
during 2023 my brother my brother got into a prestigious medical collage therefore as a reward got him a custom build gaming pc with graphics card an i11 10gen and all (pc cost overall more than 4 lakhs INR). me who is still stuck in the same garbage laptop asked if I could get his previous laptop as he would not need it. my brother as selfish he is ofc said no as he claimed it had Microsoft PowerPoint which he needed for school that was actually not the reason at all the laptop was actually with him for his friends when they came to his home for sleepovers to play in it. my parents ofc believed his stupid lie and sided with him.
before my exam of 10th I wouldn't rlly study for the exam as I should have but my mother promised to buy me a laptop if I get good marks (around 90% they said) my mother really didn't think I would be able to score she made my life difficult on me pressurizing me which made me emotional and cry all alone in my room. but at the end I picked up and scored
Now the result comes out. my PUC had started by then for NEET and there were some tests which idgf abt at that instant and got (416 for 720 which half decent). both the results of my test and boards came out on same day. seeing my marks she said "ooh I thought u would fail.....its alright I don't care about 10th marks u should score more in NEET exam and get a good seat in a collage". Later that day the marks for my test comes out and i get beatings for my marks. when I asked for my reward she said I don't care abt tenth marks all I care for is NEET(National Eligibility cum Entrance Test) marks which is 2years later from now.
I am the forgotten child really my parents would bathe my brother with expensive gifts, shoes, clothes when he was my age I would envy him at that time as my parents would not buy me anything that time using the excuse of u will out grow it and its no use for you. now my brother takes all my clothes and wears them and makes stains or stretch or even lost. if I ask them to buy me clothes I get beatings from belt and hangers the same happens if I ask for a new laptop saying that u promised me if I get marks.
I am on the verge of suiciding. people of reddit pls give me support I have no one to talk to now and I stay locked up in my room for the fear of being beaten while my brother is enjoying his life to the fullest and who is still being showered with stuff I will never have in his age.
for any further question if u have abt this situation or to check up on me:
https://www.instagram.com/_shv008_/

Not much to say here since I wanted to see what happened with the Weaver. Enjoy!
Ch. 21

• Oh how creepy is this…door shutting, handle gone, and the Weaver softly saying “who's in my house?”
  
• Holy shit why does she look like that?! Don't tease me with the young body but then have The Ring girl’s face attached to it. She's definitely a double bagger, absolutely terrifying.
  
• Omg Feyre, you go scorched earth and set fire to the entire cottage with a candle instead of using your flamethrower ability with your hands and torch the Weaver. SMH
  
• Escape through the chimney though, that's smart. This girl has some bright moments
  
• Wait, is the Weaver cooking faeries?! And is she weaving their entrails or flesh or something??? I mean, on the one hand that's just plain gross, but on the other, why don't you just weave you a new face???
  
• Isn't Feyre like super strong now? Why doesn't she just punch through the chimney?
  
• Weaver is gaining, please feel free to use your mind bullets at any time now Feyre. Also, feel free to step in at any time Rhys and help out lol
  
• Oh wow, the Weaver made her house of out of the bodies of her victims, this is the stuff of nightmares
  
• “What the hell did you do?” LOL Rhys just chilling on a tree, winnow the fuck out plz and ty
  
• Dude Amren can just vanish vomit? I think my question about fae plumbing has now been answered!
  
• So the ring was just a memento from his mom? Makes sense
  
• Thank you Feyre for finally coming to your senses and wanting to learn how to fight and how to use your abilities. It only took almost dying again to realize it
  
• Oooh diving into Rhysand's pensive! Let's see what he shows Feyre
  
• Damn, Ianthe wants some High Lord D!
  
• Oh interesting, so Ianthe does have ulterior motives…this is like some bene gesserit scheming going on. At least Rhys knows not to stick his dick in crazy. Much respect, he's channeling that Lucien energy again!
  
• Very cool developments!
  

Ch. 22

• Oooh some Mor backstory, thank you mommy
  
• Damn so faeries are just as petty as humans when it comes to selling off their daughters…BRUTAL
  
• Good guy Cassian always coming to the rescue, this guy chads
  
• Oooh Feyre chose Azriel to carry her, Cassian and Rhysand are like wtf
  
• Oh nice they're in the mortal lands now.
  
• Quick side bar: what's Tammy been doing all this time? Is there any palace left? I'm assuming it's rubble from all of his tantrums of losing Feyre. Or maybe he's going through all the bureaucratic faerie red tape to demand an audience with the night court. I'm surprised Lucien hasn't tried to make contact, but I'm guessing he thinks this is for Feyre’s benefit.
  

Ch. 23

• Oh shit it's Elain and Nesta! This must feel surreal for Feyre
  
• Damn Nesta is cold-blooded. No sympathy for Feyre at all
  
• Why doesn't Feyre just explain that they'll glamour everyone and ward their house so no one knows that the faeries will be in their town?
  
• I'm wondering if Nesta is jealous at all with Feyre. I bet she's waiting for some high fae to sweep her off her feet the way she talks to Feyre about bouncing from court to court
  
• Nice! No time to waste, let's get the meeting started
  

Ch. 24

• Oh interesting Feyre's last name is Archeron? Hmmm….Cursebreaker sounds better
  
• Also, is this meeting turning into a triple date???
  
• Lol Azriel doesn't want to be here at all
  
• Dinner too??? They just need to pair off now
  
• I'm sure there's meaning behind where everyone sits at a feast, but I'm ignorant to all that decorum.
  
• Cassian sitting next to Elain though, the first move has been made!
  
• Interesting, so human food doesn't taste good at all to fae? How is it different?
  
• “I can eat, drink, fuck, and fight just as well as I did before. Better, even.” THE SHADE. Cassian choking on his water in response is hilarious
  
• Hahaha Cassian found his lover, he's sizing Nesta up and she's having none of it.
  
• Lol she's not even acknowledging him, this bro is in love.
  
• OH SHIT Elain mentioning Clare Beddor and both her murderers are in the house! And Rhys is just keeping his head down eating shit food lol. Peak awkwardness.
  
• Bro…Cassian is straight up imprinting on Nesta right now. He wants that mating bond BAD.
  
• Just two rooms? I bet Rhys and Feyre get the room with just one bed.
  
• LOL Rhys just side steps the awkwardness with his multi-dimensional closet, that's super handy
  
• “Nesta is a delight, by the way.” Bahaha I think deep down in his heart of hearts he knows Nesta has a hold on Cassian and he’ll be seeing a lot more of her
  
• Lol they're talking wages now? And they have banks??? Lines of credit? What's the APR on that Velaris Platinum card?
  
• Awww Rhys is butt hurt that he missed Feyre's birthday…I'm sure he'll make up for it somehow. Maybe his mother's ring???
  
• “My money's on Nesta…So’s mine.” LOL put me down for a dime on Nesta as well
  

Ch. 25

• FINALLY some element bending training.
  
• Feyre wants to train in private because Rhys is a distraction? Lol if that doesn't scream I'm into you I don't know what is
  
• “You could try rubbing it on certain body parts and I might come faster.” Hahahaha bro why don't Rhys and Lucien get along? These guys have the same snarkiness
  
• Oh cool, some inter-dimensional pen writing, NBD
  
• “I'm watching Cassian and Nesta get into it again over their tea.” lol can we get a chapter on this interaction? That sounds better than reading about Feyre staring at a candle for an hour and not asking for help
  
• “Life is better when you're around.” I mean, how long is this little Do-Si-Do between them gonna last? Just kith already
  
• OH SHIT it's the Attor!
  

These recent cliff hangers have been great so far! Let's hope Feyre taps into her abilities and freezes the Attor’s nuts off. Thanks for reading!

Tier List: https://imgur.com/a/SPm0Fjl
This one hits different. Right from the start, with those ominous vocals giving the whole thing a feeling of foreboding and momentousness. Donald Trump lurking around the stage for his titlecard, even staying onscreen as his titlecard goes away is hilarious and a great visual touch. Then we get Hillary sitting in her debate chair; this battle committing so hard to a location both rappers are present in is pretty unique.
"I've been in this game too long; I'm a public servant! Have been since I met MLK in person!" Serviceable opening on paper, but the guest actor, Kimmy Gatewood, makes it stick out with her performance. Love the intensity of her voice and facial expressions. "I'm a woman of the people; that's for certain. You're a man of the people who don't like turbans!" This is a great line, very accurate, and I love the look on Hillary's face. "I was living in the West Wing while you were professional wrestling. Got skin like Russian dressing from too much Russian investing!" Good lines, in particular I really dig the Russian dressing/Russian investing parallel. Also, while I don't think Kimmy bears a super strong resemblance to Hillary Clinton(the guest actress from Clinton v. Henry VIII was much more on-point) she does look a lot like her as she does the Russian dance in the background. Something about her wide-open smile. "You been going bankrupt since the 90s; if I was in Iran you couldn't find me." Very true on both counts, very solid line. I don't know what more there is to say. Is it gonna be controversial to acknowledge the reality that Trump's gone bankrupt lots of times and probably couldn't point to Iran on a map, even now that he's been president? "You don't care about the job, Trump, you just think the desk is shiny." I think it's accurate that Trump really only cares about the prestige, but this still seems like a pretty weak attack. Hell, you could argue the vast majority of presidential candidates care more about the prestige than actually doing anything. "I said that I respect your children but that wasn't quite right, yo! Looking like some extras on American Psycho!" This line is pretty fucking great. I didn't get it when this battle first released, but I've seen American Psycho more recently, and comparing the Trump kids to the useless trust fund posers surrounding Patrick Bateman is hilarious. The hyper-aggressive hip thrusting Hillary's doing is also a great visual. For the most part this portrayal doesn't resemble Hillary much, but I think there's some truth in how she's portrayed as being very try-hard here. "First name is Hillary, middle name Rodham, last name is Clinton, and lyrics I got 'em! You fire celebrities on The Apprentice, motha fucka I fire Bin Laden! (Crack!) cough" Being tryhard again. The lines are pretty good, the flow is pretty good. The reference to her coughing is a fun touch. "How do I say this? You're racist! Ooh, you must get so pissed that your hands are too small to stop and frisk!" The asking/answering of that question at the beginning is really funny, and I like the way they worked Trump's small hands into this attack on him for being racist. "So you use your fingers to touch chicks. (She's only 12 years old.) That's enough, shit! (But she's married, sir.) Just gotta get pushy. (That's your daughter.) Well, grab her by the pussy!" One of the highlights of the battle, love the way they worked in the secret service agent here. Pointing out Trump being a creep at child beauty pageants and towards Ivanka are great lines of attack. "That's assault, brotha! Don't tell me the victim's at fault, sucka! You don't know shit about steaks! Yucka! But the ones on the 8th are great! Motha fucka!" Really fun delivery, good attacks, I like that they threw the Trump Steaks jab in between the more serious sentiments. I don't know what the fuck is going on with the background in this section, though they're really going hard on the tryhardness of Hillary. "Better save the date; I'm gonna rock the vote! Bad bitch on the scene like Murder, She Wrote!" Hillary trying to compare herself to that character is pretty cringe, as is highlighted by her attempting to dab with the biggest "look, aren't I cool, kids?!" look on her face. Real "Pokemon Go to the polls" moment. "So go ahead, Donald, let me see you flow. I brought Michelle's speech; borrow some quotes!" It's a pretty great line, though this line is moreso an attack at Melania than Trump himself; she should have ended with a more Trump-focused attack.
"Let me just say I respect all females. But your rhymes are trash; put 'em next to your emails." The first line is funny in how flagrantly untrue it is, the second line is just plain funny. Good opener. "Our country's in crisis. Who wants to vote for the mother of ISIS? That might not be exactly true, but I don't do politeness." Trump talks out of his ass and lies a lot, yes. "(Believe me!) You wanna talk about misogyny? Your Bill's worse than Cosby! He left a mess on that dress like you left in Benghazi!" The comparison of the rapist Bills is a great line, and I'm not sure whether the whole Benghazi thing was actually something that was Hillary's fault or just a Fox News talking head talking point, but it's a good line regardless. Also by this point it's clear that Lloid's Trump impression is on-point, much better than Peter's. "(Terrible!) You wanna break the glass ceiling, Hillary, I sense it. But the only crack you'll find is my ass pressed against it." The gesturing Lloid is doing during the "I sense it" line is fucking hilarious. The second line is also pretty funny, and did turn out to be true. "The numbers are in and I'm right on your tail. You don't have the stamina, baby, you're frail! This will be just like '08 when you fail! But Trump will appoint you to jail!" Fun parallel to Hillary's "First name is Hillary" segment from before going on here. The lines themselves are fine, nothing amazing. The second-to-last one turned out to be true, the last one did not. "How do I say this? You're a 2. And you almost lost the primary to a socialist Jew!" It's pretty funny how Trump mimics Hillary's "How do I say this?" bit, and "you're a 2" is such a simple but funny jab. He's got a point that Hillary was so weak a candidate that Bernie Sanders came outta nowhere and was able to put up a serious competition in a race that was supposed to have no real competition for her. "What do the American people gotta yankee doodle doo, to get it through your fat face, that they're just not that into you?!" The use of 'yankee doodle doo' is funny and he's got a real point that Hillary needs to accept she's very unpopular, though that 'fat face' line is such a pot calling the kettle black moment. No doubt intended as such. "They want a strong male leader who can stand up to China! Not a crooked, little, wishy-washy bleeding heart vagina!" These lines, of course, exist purely to point out that Trump is a giant sexist. The "China, China, China... bloody vagina!" in the background is a very funny touch. Little bits like that just add so much to this battle. "I'm gonna run these streets like I run my casinos; more police and less Latinos!" These lines, of course, exist purely to point out that Trump is a giant racist. "While you bury us in debt buying poor people socks, I'll create jobs, tearing down mosques!" Trump is against programs that help the impoverished and hates Muslims. "Then I'll use all the best rocks from the site to build a wall, dip it in gold and make Mexico pay for it all!" The thing Lloid does with his eyes as he smiles when he says "build a wall" is just... SO Trumpian. This really is one of the greatest Trump impressions I've ever seen, Lloid did an amazing job. As for the line... Trump says he's gonna build a wall. He built a partial wall. A partial, really unimpressive wall. "I'll make this country great again! We'll all be living large! And I'll tell Congress you're fired, and put Charles in charge!" Trump's slogan is MAGA and Charles in Charge was a TV show whose main actor is a Trump supporter. Also apparently there was a Supreme Court judge named Charles Trump once wanted nominated. Alright. "'Cause this whole system's rigged! And we all know the riggers! For the last eight years this country's been run by- (CAW!)" The point of this line is that Trump is a giant racist. I like the touch that the crowd is cheering wildly for Trump while Hillary looks disturbed in the background.
Then Lincoln comes soaring in on an eagle, as he did in Obama v. Romney. "Are you fucking kidding me with this blah blah blah? I've half a mind to feed you both to my oversized - (CAW!)" The use of 'CAW!' as a censor is amusing. "I've heard more thoughtful discussion up in TMZ! You two got brother blocking brother on their Facebook feed!" This isn't fun anymore, it's just real. "I'm so sick and tired of this ridiculous shit! If this is the best my party gets, then my party should quit!" The Republican Party is a nightmare and Lincoln would be ashamed of it today, is what is being said. "I'm sorry, did I say something that you found funny? Wipe that creepy-ass smile off your face and beat this dummy!" Clinton is a shitty politician who didn't take Trump seriously enough, and she comes across as cold and inhuman. And in case you somehow failed to pick up on it before, ERB makes clear here their endorsement for which candidate to vote for. "And if she does win the White House, be a man and hold the door. Don't get your fans stirred up in some sorta Twitter civil war!" Too real, especially after January 6th. "Here's an equal opportunity smack down in the sequel! That's of the people, by the people, for the people, eagle!" Some people have debated whether Lincoln slapped Trump twice in place of slapping Clinton at all because he's a gentleman and wouldn't hit a woman, or because ERB favors Clinton over Trump. The latter is definitely true, but the former is also probably true. So... both! Then Lincoln yells "Eagle!" and fucks off.
Let's talk about bias. There's two camps of people I've seen in discussions about certain ERB battles, especially this one, and they both irk me. So let's address both of them.
First off: YES, ERB is biased against Trump. And are biased against Republicans generally, and much more sympathetic to the Democrats. They've made that completely obvious from the beginning. And you know what? That's totally fine! They're right to be biased against them! But for some reason, some people in the fanbase can't just admit that. For some reason, there's a lot of people in the fanbase who will bend over backwards trying to explain how it's actually totally unbiased(false) and they attack both sides equally(false) and people complaining are being salty(true). But if you think ERB is unbiased, then society has failed you, because you are a woeful media illiterate. They're screaming Vote for Hillary, Don't Let Trump Win! at you and somehow you haven't managed to decipher what they're saying. I hope for your sake you're, like, twelve years old if you actually think they're unbiased. Here's an important lesson for you to learn as you grow up: 'biased' does not equate to 'bad'! For example, you SHOULD be 'biased' against Hitler! If you look at someone like Hitler and compare him to someone like MLK and treat them as equally valid figures whose ideas are both worthy of consideration, then you're at best a useful idiot and at worst a Nazi apologist! Stop feeling like you have to defend ERB's honor by feverishly denying any claims of bias!
But even worse than those jokers are the fuckers who love to bitch about how ERB has gotten "too political" or "too woke" nowadays. NEWSFLASH, DUMBASS: the very FIRST battle was John Lennon vs Bill O'Reilly, and Bill O'Reilly literally says "Because I'm evil! Heart blacker than Don Cheadle!" Their very foundation as a series is shitting on Republicans! They didn't suddenly 'go woke' just because they stopped doing gay jokes and shat on Trump even more explicitly than they already did to Romney.
Anyway, I've got mixed feelings about this battle. The 'mixed' part of those feelings come from how heavy it is; I have to be in a certain mood to want to listen to this, and most times I see this pop up in my playlist I just skip on to the next one. It's uncomfortable. It's real. Maybe a little too real. But then again, maybe they were right to take it so seriously. It's still a great battle, even if it can be a little hard to come back to. The only big flaw I think is present is that Lincoln coming in at the end is kind of a drag. It was funny the first time; this doesn't recapture the magic. He doesn't really have any great lines either. I tend to stop listening by the time he comes in. But besides that, this battle has an amazing instrumental track, great visuals, peak performances from both Lloid and Kimmy, and good, sometimes great, writing.
I used to think Trump won this battle despite always having been anti-Trump. Revisiting it now, I'm not sure why I thought that. Maybe it was because his part was just so entertaining, even moreso than Hillary's. Maybe it's because I, like many others, harbor a strong resentment and bitterness towards Hillary Clinton(muh Bernie) that would lead me to not be entirely honest about her performance here. Maybe it's just because that hardly anybody said Clinton won back in the day; Trump had either a majority or a clear plural majority of votes in polls, then Lincoln with a fair amount, then Clinton with a small fraction. Now I see that that is utter bullshit. The only reason anybody votes for Lincoln is either because of the Last Word Effect or because they want to be centrists about it and not side with either candidate; even if you could argue he was the best part of Obama v. Romney, here his verse falls well short of both Clinton and Trump's. On the question of Clinton v. Trump... I can kind of see how someone might think Trump won on account of how hilarious he was, but the joke is often on him with those lines. And if we're being honest I think Clinton had better burns and more substantive lines of attack. I say Clinton>Trump>Lincoln.
inb4 someone says I got "too political" in my presidential election battle analysis

First of all, I would like to say THANK YOU to all of you that showed so much love to my first post ever in Reddit!
Since my girl Millie got too much hate for wearing white and ruining the best photo of the wedding, I decided to write her sad story and share it with all of you. It's a LONG tale, full of ups and mostly downs (TLDR at the end of the post). Sooo, grab some cookies and popcorn while I spill the tea ;)
******WARNING******** The story features what I believe to be unsettling content (pregnancy loss) for some. It's hidden as spoiler, so please don't click it if it's a sensitive issue for you. <3
Our story starts with poor young adult who shall not be named (because I don't remember her name). God (me) had big plans and challenges for her, as she started with 0 simoleons in an off the grid island, with hopes of her becoming a millionaire. She moved in the big island without money, a place to sleep, a toilet, nothing. The challenge goes like this: raise money from beachcombing, buy a towel to sleep on, buy a bush to pee in, snorkel, plant and build a life from zero. And, under no circumstances communicate with another sim.
This challenge was too difficult. The loneliness and hardships, the struggle to just survive and find food, led this young girl to her death by drowning in the middle of the ocean. It was too soon, so God decided to try this challenge again, giving the new sim a head start.
That leads us to the protagonist of the story, Millie Carson.
Millie Carson is a young adult who moved in the same island, like a castaway. All she found on that island was a towel, some planted trees, a toilet bush and a grave.
The ghost from the grave came often to haunt and tease her and finally became her enemy.
At first, young Millie tried to stay away from other sims but, since they kept coming and visiting, God decided that it was ok for her to have some friends.
Millie's neighbors were Miki and Ali, a happy couple with two babies. They kept visiting and bringing food to their poor young neighbor, since she was struggling so much. Millie grew close with Ali, who came swimming to her island sometimes.
Meanwhile, Millie learned some skills that earned her some money and food. She became really good at fitness, gardening and fishing. Little by little, she earned enough money to buy diving supplies and took up some diving photography and treasure hunting. All those helped her build a tiny wood home which finally had a toilet and a shower and even a fridge. Life was getting better for Millie, until she started having feelings for her married neighbor...
Millie was attracted to Ali: his long blond hair, his green eyes and dark skin. To her surprise, Ali was interested in her as well. She tried to fight it but it was over her own power to resist. They made sweet woohoo and became a couple, while he was still married with two kids.
Love makes you do stupid things and that's what happened to Millie. She fell in love with a married man and, surprise surprise, she got pregnant with his kid.
While on her 1st trimester, she visited her neighbolover's home to tell him the news. His wife, Miki, opened the door and the sight was unbelievable: She was pregnant as well, on her 3rd trimester. Millie chatted with Miki as nothing was wrong and even socialized with her kids for a bit. But it was now time for Ali to learn the truth. Millie pulled him aside and told him everything.
To her surprise, Ali was content with being a parent to their child. Millie felt his support and fell even harder for him, causing her to do the unthinkable: Woohoo with him all over his tiny house while his wife and two kids were inside! They woohood EVERYWHERE: The small single bed, the kitchen sink, the counters, standing... They almost got caught by Miki, but hopefully she was so pregnant that it took her an eternity to reach the woohoo spot.
Millie started thinking about their future. Tormented by her jealousy, she asked Ali about Miki. Miki's super pregnant belly was an indicator that Ali still loves and woohoos with his wife, two-timing both women. To her dismay, Ali confessed his love about Miki, but he was willing to keep his relationship with Millie. But that wasn't enough for Millie...
Without hesitation, Millie served Ali an ultimatum: It's her or Miki. No love triangles, no hiding. Her kid needed a father and she needed support as a poor young woman. All those pregnancy hormones made her unreasonable - she came between a happy couple and now she felt that her lover's wife stole him from her, even though they were already together! The irony!
Millie couldn't get over her feelings, so she invited Miki over and told her EVERYTHING. That she was pregnant. That the father was poor Miki's husband. Miki got even yelled at for sleeping with her own husband. Millie was out of control.
Like a tsunami, a force that couldn't be stopped, Millie called over Ali and told him to break it off with his wife. It was now or never. Ali did as told and suddenly Miki broke down crying, hating life and those two who ruined it.
Eventually, Miki left and the.. happy couple were finally alone. Millie asked Ali to move in and he gladly accepted. He even proposed and they stayed engaged until after their baby girl, Angelique, was born.
Meanwhile, even though Miki was hating them, she still came over with extra food like a good neighbor. But her relations with the couple never improved much.
The happy couple decided to get married. Millie wore a pretty but simple boho white dress, hair down and golden jewelry. But her joyful smile was the prettiest jewel she could wear. It was a lovely, quiet wedding on the seashore, during sunset.
Soon after, Millie got pregnant again but wasn't ready or happy for it. Unfortunately, there were some complications with the pregnancy and baby Donovan was born dead. They buried him under a lemon tree and cried for many seasons about him.
Ali started helping Millie with gardening, fishing and diving. But his dream was to finally earn his degree in Communications. He still had 3 classes to pass and then he could enter the PR world. He soon earned his degree with a low to medium score and was ready to start working. There was a huge problem, though...
The island was off the grid and he could not apply for the job, not use the very much needed internet. A decision had to be made: Should they live on this island forever, living off the land, or they should move somewhere else and follow Millie's dream to become millionaires?
The choice was easy. The couple moved to Finchwick, in a big cottage house with a big garden, front and back. They brought with them the plants they had gardened with so much love and also bought some chickens. Life was good for a while, baby Angelique was growing but woohoo life was... fine.
Ali found a job in PR and had to work all day, even from home. He had to polish his charisma and writing skills and meet new people. So, that made Millie a stay at home mom, a gardener, a housekeeper. But there was no time for her lifestyle needs: outdoor living and working out. She became frustrated and was always in a bad and uncomfortable mood. She had gained a lot of weight from her pregnancy, she hardly recognized herself in the mirror...All this bad mood made her cranky. Everytime Ali tried to woohoo with her, she had no drive. So, their love life went down the drain...
Meanwhile, Ali was doing great at work, earning at least 2000 simoleons per day. He had met many people, and one of them became a really good friend of his. His name was Gabriel and he was thin, with black short hair, dark skin and modern makeup.
Ali was tormented by his feelings when he hang out with Gabriel. He couldn't understand how a man can be attracted to another guy like that. He was open to the idea, but had never acted upon it. It wasn't the looks - Gabriel was pretty basic. But there was something about the both of them that made him feel... amazing. The attention he got from Gabriel, the friendship.. It was like they knew each other from another lifetime.
Every time Gabriel came over, Ali got excited. He was interested in his words and inner world, not only his appearance. One night, he couldn't take it anymore. While they were talking the backyard table, Ali started flirting with Gabriel. Things got heated fast and they shared the most beautiful first kiss. That was exactly what he always wanted to feel, but was missing from his other relationships. He proposed to have woohoo in the home office, while Millie and Angelique were sleeping unaware upstairs...
They woohood hard and many times. It was a total WoohooFest. Morning came and Ali, having not slept at all, got ready to go to work. He didn't forget to kiss his wife goodbye, but he spent the entire day thinking about Gabriel. By night, he had decided to ask Gabriel to become his boyfriend.
Millie on the other side, was getting better. She bought a walking machine and she often went swimming in the river. Her woohoo drive was coming back strong and that meant more time with her beloved husband. They started woohooing more often, but Ali was also missing Gabriel...
God suddenly had an idea! Ali should ask Millie to have expanded woohoo with someone else, and that someone else couldn't be other than (yes, you guessed it) Gabriel. Ali went on and asked his wife and God told her that yes, it would be fun! So, unaware of God and her husband's plans, she happily accepted to engage in multiple sim woohoo...
Ali was so excited! He couldn't believe his ears! He immediately called over Gabriel and explained the situation. Gabriel accepted as well and it was time for Gabriel to meet with Millie. Millie tried to get to know him but for some reason he was distant. She tried to flirt with him but he didn't reciprocate. Millie got embarrassed and locked herself in her room for some time, to recollect herself. It shouldn't be so hard, right?
At the same time, Ali made his move on Gabriel and they woohood. Gabriel was more than excited to get together with Ali. So, why not Millie?
After Millie got over her embarrassment, she came out the room. Ali proposed having multiple woohoo and they did it. Everyone had a pleasant time.
After that, they got together two more times. But, the last time, at Gabriel's house, was the final blow.
Millie kept trying to flirt alone with Gabriel, not getting the message but, DUDE. He was NOT into her. It was heartbreaking. She tried so hard for her husband, her self esteem and again, she was turned down. A second choice. She didn't deserve it. And then, she though about it. The flirt between Ali and Gabriel. How they would have woohoo, the three of them, but Gabriel was rejecting her. It was time for answers...
Millie first told Ali to end the expanded woohoo agreement. It was too much for her. He wasn't happy about it, but he agreed. And then, she asked the million dollar question: "What's going on between you two?". Ali tried to hide it, told her they were only friends. But God was starting to feel bad about poor Millie, so had her ask again: "WHAT'S GOING ON BETWEEN YOU TWO?"
The answer was like a knife, going through her heart. Ali loved Gabriel and that's all she needed to know. Their woohoo life was non existent before and now had found someone who made him feel better, more... alive! That's all Millie needed to know. She went over to Gabriel and try to make a last, desperate woohoo pass at him. Once more, he rejected her. It was all so clear. She was the third wheel.
Her ego and her heart were stomped on the ground, like a cockroach. A beautiful, kind, hard working sim shouldn't go through all that. She headed back home, to the privacy of her bedroom and cried her eyeballs out. Ali didn't come home that night and went straight to work.
The next day, Millie invited Gabriel over. Oooh no, she wouldn't let him have Ali so easily. She would humiliate him first. He came over and she started yelling at him. Her face was red and hot, she was fueled by rage. She ending up giving him the beating of his life. When Ali came home from work, both his lovers were black and blue from fighting.
Baby Angelique started crying. She had woken up. Millie rushed upstairs to help her toddler with her needs, but Ali and Gabriel stayed downstairs. Ali tried to comfort Gabriel, asking him to stay. He didn't care about his marriage anymore. God led them to the hall upstairs, outside the bedrooms. They started woohooing again, right there, like animals!
Poor Millie, as she opened her daughter's bedroom's door, she caught her cheater husband in the act! THE AUDACITY!!! And if it that wasn't enough, when she went over to slap him, he acted like she wasn't there and went to woohoo in the shower with his boyfriend - AGAIN! WTH!!!
At this point, Millie knew it was time to give Ali the boot and kick him the hell out of their home, and so she did. After Ali's lover left, the married couple had a long, heated conversation that only had one outcome - Ali had to move out immediately.
So, he left and rented a one-bedroom apartment in the city. He also decided to ask Gabriel to live with him, and Gabriel happily accepted. A new chapter started for Ali but unresolved things were left in the middle with his wife that needed to be dealt with.
While all these took place, Millie had gotten close with celebrity Rahul Chopra. They became good friends and she was invited to his wedding. It was a one of a kind event because Rahul had a shotgun wedding with his wife when they were teenagers due to unwanted pregnancy. After many kids later, Rahul's eldest daughter, with the villainous valentine aspiration (long story) decided to break her eternally faithful parents up for fun. So they did break up, but they were so made for each other, like puzzle pieces, that it was impossible to not end up together again.
Rahul fell back in love with his wife and they decided to do it right this time. They planned the perfect wedding event in San Myshuno's park, during sunset. The whole family was there and their 2nd child, Philip (YA) would take the professional pictures of the wedding.
The ceremony started, everyone (almost) was seated and the photographer (and me) were preoccupied with taking the happy couples pictures. As the ceremony ended, the couple was ready to share their first kiss as husband and wife. The air was filled with confetti that floated playfully around them, the fireworks were set off behing them and the sun was showering them with the warmest rays. It was a one time opportunity to get the perfect picture. Philip got ready to press click. And then, she appeared.
Millie, clearly bothered and heartbroken by other people's love, made a run for the exit and ruined Philip's perfect photograph. The angry look on her face would forever haunt Philip's mind. Why would that woman ruin this happy moment and why the hell would she wear white at someone's wedding? I mean, you wouldn't mistake her for the bride, who wore an expensive wedding gown, but still... Something was wrong with this girl and Philip had to find out...
After the wedding, Millie went back home. The days passed and the divorce was not finalized. She asked her kid who she wanted to stay with, but without reply. She called Ali over, but he texted back he didn't want to come over. Millie had her -now child- daughter call over her dad. This time, Ali responded positively and soon after he arrived. Millie took him straight to the lawyers to see who will get custody of Angelique.
This time, God had no plans, God left it all to luck. So, unfortunately, Ali won custody of Angelique, who immediately went to live with him. Now, Millie was alone. Only her and her money and her baby son's grave in the front yard. Now she was angry, NOW HE WOULD PAY.
Millie grabbed Ali and went once again to the lawyers. It was now time to split the estate. At least 100k simoleons in the bank, plus whatever the house is worth. Millie wants to get everything, but once again, God won't interfere. She comes back home, head down, beaten - she lost 80k.
She turns to her new friend, Philip. He is basic, but he's a good guy. He lives alone in an apartment in San Myshuno, studies Fine Arts in university, comes from a good family. He also has a girlfriend that lives across the hall from him, but Millie doesn't know. And God tells her to come onto him. Now Philip has two girlfriends and God must interfere.
God and luck are playing games with Millie's life.
As I'm writing her story, there's only one thing I feel: Sad.
This girl started out with hopes and dreams. So I think that we should forgive her for attending a friend's wedding wearing white. Some God forgot to change her formal outfit and it was all she had to wear. She's going through a lot!
Her story ends for now, but if you guys like it I might write more about her life's adventures.
Also, what should she do with Philip? Let me know in the comments!
If you read this whole essay / story , you are amazing! And thanks! Hope you liked it! :)
TLDR: YA woman starts with 0 money in off the grid island. Wants to earn a million. Gets pregnant by married neighbor with kids. Marries him and they buy new home. They get pregnant second time, lose the baby.He gets a good job, meets new people, gets new guy friend, has woohoo with that friend. The 3 of them have expanded woohoo. Woman breaks it off. Woman confronts husband about loving other man, he confesses he loves him. Woman kicks him out and he lives alone in flat. The other guy moves in with him. Woman heartbroken, goes to friends wedding wearing white, is angry at happy couple's love, ruins the married couple kiss photo. Photo becomes famous on Reddit. Woman loses custody of only child. Woman loses 80k simoleons after splitting estate. Woman becomes girlfriend of the photographer from the friend's wedding. Photographer already has another girlfriend.
*****EDIT*********** I can't believe I forgot to write this, but Millie also drowned in the ocean while being fatigued from diving for treasures. I decided to not save and give her a second chance. Her life is dramatic, UUUUUUGH!!!!

The Old Machine

By Angel Arevalo
The first time I saw the old machine was as Benny’s father closed his study door to us. It was already a relic then, a heap of beige plastic from a bygone era. The monitor was a beige box with a screen made of thick glass. It must have weighed a ton. It sat odious on the rectangular beige case that contained its thinking guts. Peripherals included a keyboard, a mouse, and a phone.
The phone was not a flat screened supercomputer the way the phones of today are. It was a simple speaker and receiver, with a rotating dial instead of buttons. Technically it was capable of making calls from a connected landline, but this was not its true purpose. Its true purpose was to make communication between the internet and the old machine possible. It did this through the magic of sound. According to Benny, who heard it from his father, the data from the internet came in the form of audible sound. Once it was called, the phone could be placed on a stand from which the old machine could “hear” the signals and translate them back into binary code.
My imagination stirred at the idea of “hearing” the internet. I could put something tangible to the invisible force that allowed me to watch endless streams of videos, or chat with friends from around the world. Benny probably more than me. He lived with the damn thing. However it was off limits.
As much as we wanted to hear the internet, Benny’s father would not have it. His study was entirely forbidden to us, and on the few occasions when he had allowed us entry to give us a word of sage advice or to admonish us for childish antics, he would use himself as a physical barrier between us and the old machine. His physical language was such that neither Benny or I had ever thought to ask for permission. Neither of us believed he would even consider the idea, and the most likely outcome would be that he would make it all that much harder to do so behind his back.
So we waited. Bided our time. As children, this was all that was afforded to us.
This forced patience paid off.
There came a very unusual day in Benny’s house. Often it was Benny’s mother who was charged with the daily maintenance of the household, but outstanding circumstances meant that she was forced to take the day off. If I remember correctly it was to do with Benny’s grandmother, but that is neither here nor there. The important thing is that Benny’s father had to take over the daily run of the house. Part of that was buying the groceries for that night's dinner, so here was a rare moment where the house and the study would be left completely unattended.
The moment we heard his father’s car leave the driveway, we were on it.
The door to his father’s study, where the old machine was kept, was locked, but we accounted for this. Benny had been practicing opening the locks around his house, and they were all the same make and model. Benny stuck the finer end of a hairpin into the keyhole and opened the lock as quickly as if he had the key.
The door swung open, and perched on the desk, was the old machine, in all its pristine beige glory.
It was a comically frightful thing, that heap of beige plastic. It sat there, decades old at least, and yet the casing showed no sign of yellowing. The screen, which showed that it was turned off, was a yawning black abyss; and the deadly silence of the room was disturbed by something that was not quite tangible, but an almost physical mental pressure, like gentle psychic breathing. The pressure was such that you could feel it in the base of your skull, and much more lightly, around your head and in your ears. It made one feel as if they were in the presence of a great monster, and not, in fact, an old beige box of outdated electronics.
“C’mon,” said Benny, stepping into the room. Evidently I had been stuck in place for some time. Benny on the other hand seemed much less wary than me. He scampered forward, smiling as he pulled back his fathers study chair so he could stand on it and reach the strange phone with its rotating dial.
Not nearly as brave, and suddenly three times more cautious, I stood back as he picked up the phone to “listen” to the internet. Depending on how you view it, the phone was luckily, or rather “unluckily”, in its translation stand, meaning that it was at that time communicating with the internet. Benny’s face twisted uncomfortably before breaking into a giddy smile.
“Ooh!” he said, smiling. “That’s creepy!”
He held it to his ear like that for a minute or so, wrinkling his nose from time to time before smiling again and throwing me a conspiratorial smirk. His giddy enthusiasm, despite the sound being what he called “creepy” seemed to calm me down some. Benny always had a way of doing that to me. Suddenly I was excited. He saw this, and offered me his place on his father’s seat.
“Here,” he said, still smirking. “It’s terrible!”
I took his place on the seat, and picked up the phone. It was heavier than I expected. Heavier than any smart phone I had ever held. It was like picking up the lighter end of an animal’s meaty tail. I felt a sudden hesitation, but Benny was still brimming with joy, goading me to have a listen.
I put the phone to my ear, and heard whispers. Surprised, I let the phone slip out of my hands to clatter to the floor.
They had been quiet whispers, barely audible, but audible they were. The whispers painted a picture for me. A sticky red room. A friend, here but not here. I saw the old machine in a new home, and with a new keeper, a willing thrall.
I think Benny would have laughed at me if he had not also been struck stupid in that same moment. Standing in the doorway of his study was his father.
It is difficult to speak ill of the dead, which is funny, because it’s not like they care, but that’s just the way of things. Benny’s father had always been a kind man. If not a kind man then certainly a dutiful father. He was always there for Benny, always there to give a word of wisdom or a consoling hug, but on occasion there was a glint of something sinister behind his eyes. It appeared sporadically, mostly during conversations with other adults. Somewhere in the middle of a conversation between the tragic loss of a child in another state or several towns over, or in discussing the statistic and calculus of death such as a mass shooting, that furtive sparkle behind his eye would manifest, and he would become, for a fraction of a second, someone else. That spark was there now, and it was aimed at me.
Benny’s father saw that I had the phone in my hand. He saw his boy beside me, and that spark behind his eye turned into a barely controlled flame. There was so much hate there.
“Benjamin,” he said in a deathly calm voice, in a heavily restrained voice. “Please tell me you didn’t let your friend here talk you into picking up that phone.”
“He didn’t, dad, he didn’t,” answered Benny.
“Did you pick up the phone too?”
“Of course not dad,” Benny lied.
Relief washed over his father’s face. He ran past the threshold of the study and knelt down to wrap his arms around his boy. He then looked at me.
“Get out,” he said quietly, nearly on the verge of tears. Then again, louder, “GET OUT!”
I was still too stunned to move, even after the second shout, but then Benny’s father rose– with Benny still in his hands. The menace I felt. I bolted from the study, running past Benny and his father.
I learned from Benny at school the next day that we weren’t allowed to play together anymore. Benny’s father didn’t even want to see me anywhere near him. It was ridiculous. We were neighbors for crying out loud! Benny was my best friend, who else was I going to play with? And for what? But it didn’t matter. Benny’s father had made his decree, and Benny had to abide. At least we still had school. Benny’s father couldn’t dictate who he spoke to there.
Benny and I sulked for that whole school day, unable to enjoy the little time we were going to have together. We sulked like that together at school for ages. And in this way, the strange whispers that we heard in the phone were almost forgotten, overshadowed by our forced separation.
Every day after school I hoped and prayed that my exile from Benny’s home would end, and in a roundabout and terrible way, my prayers were answered.
A year later, Benny was pulled from class, after which he disappeared for a week. His home, which was next to mine, sat dark and empty. For a whole week I heard nothing from him, not any social platform or messaging medium. When I finally did hear from him, it was no longer Benny. It was the shell of a person that had once been a child. It was Benny, aged eons.
The broken shell that had been Benny stumbled into class. He said nothing, and looked at no one. It wasn’t until lunch period that I finally got anything out of him, and when I did, I don’t think I could ever have been ready to hear it.
That day that Benny had been pulled out of class was the day that his mother had been arrested for the murder of his father. She was found in his study, and according to police, was basically mid act. How the police were alerted so quickly as to show up with the crime in progress was never fully revealed to Benny personally, but news coverage afterwards revealed that an anonymous tip had arrived at the police station.
Benny’s mother would stand by her innocence until the very end, but the fact that she was witnessed by police in the middle of committing the act made it indefensible. Her trajectory to the lethal injection room was one of the swiftest the state had ever seen.
It was tragic. Benny was out both parents, and it was all the more tragic because Benny didn’t have any other family. His last grandparent had passed the year prior. He was due to go into foster care, but God bless my parents, because they took him in. Benny got to stay in town, with a family that loved him nearly as much as his own had.
Benny stayed in my life, it was the reverse of what had happened the year prior when his father had found us listening to the internet on the old machine. Now Benny was in my life more than ever, but also not.
Physically he was there. Benny and I shared a room, and we hung out all the time. Mentally, or perhaps even spiritually, Benny just wasn’t with me anymore. His soul was in some godsforsaken elsewhere. His inner self was closed off to me. My mind didn’t have the words or wisdom to say what was wrong, only that despite being around him nearly 24 hours a day, he felt absent.
It wasn’t until later, much later, years later really, when Benny and I were well into our teens that I felt like I saw the real him again. His home, and everything in it, the things that had once been his father’s, were his. He’d never cared much about that. He’d never even mentioned his not exactly meager inheritance beyond the vague idea that he supposed he would move into his old home once he became an adult. Other than that he made no mention of his old home, which sat dim and forgotten next to mine. He hadn’t so much as stepped inside of it since he left for school on the day of the murder.
But one day, on the porch, while the sun was beginning to die on the horizon, Benny asked me if I would go into his old house with him. We were pushing seventeen, and college bound so I supposed at the time that he was seeking a kind of closure. Despite the vast chasm that Benny’s depression had carved between us, I wanted to be there for my best friend, so I agreed to go along with him.
Once we were at his old doorstep, Benny produced a small, unopened, envelope. He tore it open, and produced a key that he used to open the door to his old home. I watched him do this and felt a pang in my heart that was something more than sadness. I didn’t have a name for it. I just knew that it was coming from Benny. The straw that broke the camel’s back was Benny looking behind him to see me, and flashing me the barest hint of a smile that was filled with the same sadness that panged in my chest a moment ago. It was the tiniest crease on the corner of his mouth, but it broke me. That crease was the most genuine thing I’d gotten from him in years.
I wish I had been brave enough to cry, but I swallowed those tears. Drowned out all emotion, because I thought that was what the burgeoning man I wanted to become would have done.
We entered the house, which was dark and smelled awful. There was a rot in there that had settled into the very foundation.
“Augh,” I let out, “what is that?”
“I– Uhm… I don’t now.” That’s what he said, but something told me that he did know. He just didn’t want to say it out loud for some reason.
In my role as supportive best friend, I still hadn’t asked why Benny had wanted to come back here. So I decided to do that then, but as he ascended up the stairs I knew there was only one destination he had in mind. His father’s study. The old machine.
I kept my mouth shut, but I wonder sometimes if maybe I should have started protesting. I wonder if maybe I should have dragged Benny back out the door, kicking and screaming, but those are just what ifs and meaningless regrets. Even if I dragged him out then and there, so what? He would just come back without me. If I had barred him in any way he would just choose a different time and place, and he would be doing it alone. No. I had no choice. It was inevitable. There’s no stopping the inevitable. So I did nothing.
We ascended up the stairs together. The smell of deep seeded rot grew heavier. It was in the stairs, in the walls, in wood and the furniture. Apart from the smell, everything looked normal, as if frozen in time. I could practically envision us running down the hallway playing tag.
That changed in the study.
Benny and I reached the door. Yellow police tape from when this was an active crime scene was still there. The rot was strongest here. Had the site of the murder never been cleaned?
As Benny turned the knob I swallowed back some anxious energy, and stowed it away in the same place that I threw that soul breaking pang in my heart.
Inside we found the desk, the books shelves, his father’s office chair. All of it was as it once was, except that now every inch of it was covered in a film of something that was muddy red. The sticky red room.
There was only one part of the study that was disturbingly clean of the muddy red source of the rot. The old machine.
It sat perched on the desk, slumbering and waiting. It was pristine. Its comically mundane beige casing was clean, and every piece and peripheral like the keyboard and attached phone were in mint condition. It was alien, how clean it was compared to everything else in the room.
Benny took a heavy breath, and stepped forward. He approached the old machine, examining it in the dying light of the sun.
“I’m going to need your help carrying this back home,” he said.
This would have been my second opportunity to say “no”. I should have, but again, why? All it would mean was another trip or two for him on his lonesome, and then I would just be the friend that bailed out on him halfway through something that seemed very important for him. So I said “okay.”
We gathered up the odd ends of the old machine. Benny carried the monitor, and I carried the thinking guts, and between us we shared the weight of the peripherals.
Once we were home, Benny got to work putting the thing back together. He seemed to fly into a manic fugue state. He worked rapidly to put the old machine together, connecting every odd end, beginning to sweat as he did so. His eyes became deranged, and then suddenly, with only the power cord left to plug in, he stopped.
He stared into the black abyss of the old machine’s monitor, and did nothing for a long minute that stretched out into eternity. Benny put the power cord down and shoved it into a box. I didn’t question this. If anything I was relieved. I hadn’t realized it until just then, but as Benny was putting the thing together I had started to feel a deadly pressure building in the back of my skull. I didn’t dare ask why he stopped, worried that I might accidentally reignite his resolve.
Together we chose to forget the old machine. Or so I thought.
The last few months of our senior year passed, and they were the best months I’d had with Benny in a long long while. I think collecting that beige heap of plastic, that old machine, it had brought something to a close for him. Whether it was simple catharsis or something more I’ll never know, but I’ll cherish those last few months for the rest of my life. It was the last I’d ever see of Benny again.
With college came real distance, and although we kept in touch through video and text, we never met in person, the times just never lined up. Benny was his own man, and although it brought a small amount of heartbreak to my parents that their adoptive son never seemed to find the time to visit them, they were more than anything glad to see that he at least seemed to be enjoying life. That was definitely the facade he sold on social media.
It was at the start of my second year at college that I got the first wisp that something was wrong with Benny. He sent me something, a file that I couldn’t open, in a format that I didn’t recognize. I thought it must be some kind of obscure meme, but when I couldn’t decipher it, I got a pit in my stomach and I sent him a brisk “wtf?”
He never replied.
It was the last of anything I would ever get from Benny personally. A few weeks later my parents contacted me to tell me that Benny had killed himself.
What followed was a rapid procession of life. That I somehow managed to continue to turn in my school work for the next week or so, was a fact. That I then used the following fall break to attend Benny’s funeral was also true. Mixed in there was a meeting with a lawyer that let me know that I was the sole inheritor of Benny’s estate. This all happened, and I have a very superficial recollection of it all. But in truth I was half a ghost myself. My body– no –my soul, had gone into a form of catatonia. I became an unchanging statue, a rock in the ever flowing stream of life. Things happened, but they seemed to flow past me in a ceaseless stream of almost memories.
On the last day of the fall semester, in a fit of pique depression, looking for something to occupy the void of my soul, I remembered the message that Benny had sent me. I redoubled my efforts to decipher the unknown file type, and scoured the internet for a decoder or playback device that would be able to read it for me. Eventually I stumbled on the answer. It was a type of sound file. With that information it was surprisingly simple to find an app to play it back.
I brought the file over to my phone, and loaded it into the app, and hit play. What came out were whispers. I dropped my phone like it was made of hot iron. The phone clattered to the floor, but kept playing the whispers, which remained just at the edge of audibility no matter how far away I retreated from them.
When it finished playing I was relieved. I also realized I had understood none of it. Unlike the whispers I had heard in my childhood, these had been unintelligible. I tried them again, but although I could hear something I could make out nothing. But I knew a way that I could. The old machine.
The next opportunity I got, I went home. I went back up to my room to look for the old machine, but of course it wasn’t there. It hadn’t been there for a long time. Benny had taken it with him when he went his own way during college. I had to ask my parents to help me find it, and they directed me to the garage, where boxes of Benny’s old things were piled up. Things he had taken with him and things that he had acquired while he was away at college. The old machine was packed into one of those boxes, with a sticky note on the screen. A phone number, possibly left there by Benny himself.
I took the box up to my old room and got to work putting the old machine back together. Slowly it came alive, and bit by bit I felt that dreadful pressure building in the base of my skull. As I connected the monitor to the thinking guts I felt a spark of awareness, as if I was suddenly in danger or being watched. As I connected the peripherals, the pressure around my skull grew heavier and I began to sweat. The feeling only intensified as I plugged the thing into the power, and it came to a pique when I finally connected the strange phone stand to the internet. It’s alive! Gods of all faith and creed, help me! It’s alive!
I turned it on.
The screen lit up, and I noticed that I’d forgotten to remove the sticky note that had been placed there. I ripped it off and crumpled it in my palm as I watched the old machine finish its startup sequence.
I’m not sure what I expected. I certainly hadn’t expected it to feel so normal, or look so mundane. The operating system was definitely proprietary but other than that it felt no more alien than Windows, or Apple. Navigating it felt as natural as anything.
I found the program that would allow me to interpret the whisper recording on my phone. It was the same one that would normally connect to the internet, except this time instead of letting the translator hear the bulky beige phone, I would put my smartphone up to the translator while the recording played. I did this, and for a few tense moments nothing seemed to happen, and then I noticed that something had been downloaded onto the desktop.
The file was called “Dad(1)” and for a moment I felt like an idiot. The “(1)” appearing after the word “Dad” suggested that a version of this file was already downloaded, and of course it would be, this was probably where Benny had sent me the file from. I checked the now translated file and saw that it was a video. The thumbnail showed a man sitting at his desk.
Benny’s dad.
My hand trembled as it reached for the mouse, and clicked on the video.
The video was a top down perspective of the study, and it started at 100, there was no buildup or context to what was happening on the screen. Benny’s father was skinning himself alive. The footage of it was grainy, and was twice as disturbing for it, because the more skin that Benny’s father peeled off the more grainy red pixels appeared on screen.
It was difficult to tell how much of this Benny’s father was doing of his own volition. Heavily pixelated expressions of agony played on his face. He twisted and squirmed, he writhed in pain and appeared to yell into the ceiling as he striped reels of flesh from his arm, and then his legs, and then his chest, and on and on. I couldn’t look away. As much as I wanted to look away I couldn’t, I was forced to watch by my own horribly morbid fascination. God help me. No. God forgive me. I. could. Not. Look. Away.
It was Benny’s father’s twisted and pained flailing that covered the study in blood, leaving the room red and sticky. How he produced so much blood, and in fact, how he had been able to remain conscious this whole time was a mystery to anyone. The act didn’t stop until a light appeared from offscreen, and then suddenly Benny’s mother barged into the study to see her screaming husband. He tried to skin her alive as well, but she fought back. They began to wrestle each other, slipping in the wet puddle of his blood. Soon the blood itself stopped being the worst thing on display, as the father’s viscera began to spill out of him, the membrane that had held it together inside his abdomen splitting open in the tussle. It was an awful scene, and still, I couldn’t look away.
The fight continued like that for some time. With the two of them on the ground, fighting for control of the knife that the father had used to skin himself alive. Even with half the father spilt and spread around the room it was a hard won victory for Benny’s mother. She finally managed to wrestle the knife away from the dying man, and plunged it into his chest, just as shadows appeared from the direction of the doorway. The mother broke down as police aimed their guns at her, and then the video ended.
“Did you like it?” appeared in text over the end of the video.
“What the fuck?” I remember saying out loud.
Why hadn’t Benny turned this in? I thought. His mom was dead, sure, but why not clear her name? Why hadn’t he told me straight away what he’d found? Why had he– I didn’t let myself ask that last question. Instead I unclenched my palm, and looked at the crumpled sticky note. If there was a logical answer to any of this, then maybe it was on the other end of that number. That’s what I told myself anyway.
I put my phone away, and picked up the phone attached to the old machine. It took a few tries to get the method of dialing correct– I’d never used a rotary style phone before, and I didn’t know how to spin the wheel to “dial” the number that I needed, but I managed it. The phone rang for a bit, and then the whispers started to erupt from whatever black beyond I called.
I placed the phone on the translator, and on the monitor, the desktop came alive. The old machine’s proprietary web browser opened and landed on a bare bones white webpage. It reminded me somewhat of a dark web directory.
The dark web isn’t as difficult to navigate as you might think. The difference between a dark web site and a regular one is that dark web sites are unlisted, meaning they don’t show up on search engines, and often they require special browsers and specific URLs. Those URLs are usually kept on some kind of surface web directory. This looked a lot like that. A list of URLs ran down the bare bones page in a ladder of blue.
They were hyperlinks, all of them, and one of them stood out to me immediately.
“Do you want to see how he did it?” It read.
It shouldn’t have freaked me out. There was no way that link could be talking about Benny, which is where my mind went first. There was simply no way.
So I clicked it. And I guess… there was. Somehow there was a way.
I won’t say what I saw. It wasn’t nearly as graphic as his father’s death. In that sense it wasn’t nearly as “interesting”, but even still I can’t bring myself to recount it. It’s too personal. In that way it was much much worse, so much worse. The look in his eyes… despair. There was something almost beautiful about it.
No.
There was something beautiful about it.
At the end of the video, a familiar message popped up.
“Did you like it?”
A box beneath the video asked for a reply. I typed one in.
“Do you want to see more?”
Another box. Another reply.
I saw more.

33 year old Noah: Younger cousin, welcome back to reality! I was wondering where you were, unfortunate it took me 12 years.
29 year old Dave: I am grateful I have been saved. It feels like life is still 2011.
Noah: Hahaha, it's 2024?
Dave: WHAT. Do we have flying cars?
Noah: Well, no. We didn't have enough time due to a pandemic.
Dave: Pandemic? What?
Noah: Oh. You don't need to know.
*Noah sees Skye wearing a beanie, hoodie and jeans.*
Noah: What is Ezekiel doing here? I thought I cured him and sent him to be a UN translator so his only strength is useful.
Dave: That's not Ezekiel, that's Skye.
Skye: Hi Dave! How's it been after 13 years?
Dave: I don't think we should talk. I went crazy obsessed over you and tried to kill you.
Noah: I know a guy who also felt similar. He got booted first in Total Drama Action.
Dave: Total Drama? My parents banned me from watching that.
Noah: Oh yeah. Lemme take you to him.
*Noah takes Dave to Trenton's 9 Bikes, Skye follows them sneakily*
33 year old Geoff at the cashier: Hey Noah? Who's that?
Noah: Dave. He reminded me of a friend. Wanted to talk to that friend. How's the family going?
Geoff: I sent Emma to Total Drama 2023, Bridgette is still mad at me for it, but she hates Emma's boyfriend more.
Noah: Where is Trent?
Geoff: In the back oiling a bike
Noah: Ok
*Skye enters Trenton's 9 Bikes*
Geoff: Hi Ezekiel, congrats on coming out as trans.
Skye: I'm Skye, Dave's ex. Only came since I wanted to apologize to him for being mean to him 13 years ago in Total Drama.
Geoff: Reminds me of myself and Bri. The only reason why I thought you were Ezekiel is because your green clothes remind me of him. Lucky guy turned his way around and became a UN translator.
Skye: Have a good hiding spot so I can overhear Trenton's conversations with Dave?
Geoff: The boxes over there!
*Flash to the scene where Noah and Dave see Trent*
Trent: Dude, it's a weekend, bike store closed for maintenance. But Noah, I know you aren't here for bikes. What do you want man?
Noah: My younger cousin here had a similar experience with you, about going crazy over a girl not wanting him.
*Skye from the boxes gasps and lets out a tear, immediately cleans it*
Dave: I dunno man, it kinda sucks to think about. Halfway through Pahkitew Island, I was obsessing over Skye and she got mad at me. I then got myself voted off since I couldn't take it no more. Then Chris brung me back for drama reasons. Honestly, I don't even know if Skye liked me. Should've stuck with Ella.
*Skye gasp 2. There will be 5 gasps*
Trent: You do not wanna be with Gwen's cousin. Anyways, I was obsessed with Gwen, thinking she would like Duncan. It's unfortunate Gwen enever knew why I obsessed with the number 9, but Duncan made it worse than normal. I dislike Gwen nowadays. Dave you should avoid Skye too. Turn things around.
*Skye gasp 3. She gets so much surprises in overhearing this conversation*
Dave: I have been isolated on a robot island for 13 years, somehow emergency service didn't come.
Noah: Dave looked like a male version of Izzy.
Trent: Dave, we both are heartbroken men. But did you know Duncan also didn't end up with Gwen?
Noah: Duncan got out of the punk phase and got pressured by his parents to be a cop?
Trent: He said he will be a cop, only to arrest Chris for a lifetime amount. He said he had to deal with a guy named Ripper. Ugh.
Noah: I can call him right now.
Trent: Dude, don't.
Noah: Anyways, what happened to Gwen?
Trent: Gwen became an artist at Quebec. 2 of her artwork is in the Louvre. Funny enough, she makes 6 figures from 2 pieces of art.
Noah: Dave, is Skye also high achieving?
Dave: Skye did say before she is an olympic gymnast. She probably has a 2016 olympics medal. I will cheer her in the 2024 olympics even though I don't really like her.
*Skye gasp 4. She pulls the medal from her hoodie*
Noah: Dave, will you ever marry?
Dave: No
Geoff: Who knows CPR? Unresponsive female body in the boxes!
*Noah, Dave, Trent, and Geoff all see Skye unconscious*
Dave: I will try CPR. Noah call 911.
Noah: Ok
*Dave does 30 chest compressions. Looks sad at Trent knowing he will have to do mouth to mouth*
Trent: Just do it bro.
*Dave fills Skye with air, somehow it turns to them making out*
Beth: CPR Doctor on her way! Ooh, people making out.
Skye: Dave, I wanted to say I am sorry for being abusive to you during Total Drama.
Dave: Skye, I am sorry for trying to kill you. I think I want to split paths.
Skye: I don't wanna split paths. I wanna date my no. 1 cheerleader!
*Skye hugs Dave*
Dave: Trent, did this happen with Gwen?
Trent: No. I'd say go date her. It's worth it.
Beth: Wait Ezekiel became trans and is now Skye?
Geoff: Different people Beth.
Beth: Ok.

Previous diary entries are here: https://www.reddit.com/buffy/comments/1ctyuhn/rewatchers_diary_season_2_episodes_11_to_14/
Today I want to talk about Phases (2x15); Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered (2x16); Passion (2x17); and Killed by Death (2x18).
It's so good to be back at The Bronze (2x15-2x17)! I didn't know how much I missed it. Phases is great, BBB is a fun romp, Passion is BTVS at its absolute finest and temps me to add 'P' to my list of tiers, Killed by Death is S2 shedding its S1 skin. (Consider that choice of words in the light of episode 20.)
Phases

• I love Cain! Well he's a bad guy so I don't love love him, but I love every second he's on screen. He has such... I'm not sure charm or charisma or chemistry is the right word 'cause it puts him in a positive light. Maybe screen presence is better.
• And he's funny! "People for the ethical treatment of werewolves" :D
• Giles calls him a pillock, a quite British insult which will be repeated in Becoming (2x21-2x22).
• There's a fun bit early where Willow says something like "at least Oz is not an animal". Chekhov's lycanthropy much?
• Giles being asleep in his car while he's supposed to look for werewolves with Buffy makes his later scolding of Xander—for sleeping on while werewolf watch—appear a bit hypocritical.
• Xander and Cordelia's anti-chemistry continues to develop, much to my amusement.
• In Teacher's Pet (1x4) Xander dreamed of being the one to save Buffy. When a vampire Theresa rises from her coffin, he finally gets to—right after they called out the episode by mentioning Xander might get his head cut off.
• I guess we should talk about Oz being a werewolf. Buffy was dating a monster—they make monster movies about vampires—who turned into a real monster when he lost his soul. Now Willow is dating a monster too? Uh-oh.
• Angel tried to keep the monster in check by warning Buffy about himself: "we're not right for each other" // "I'm older than you and this can't work" // coming clean about Drusilla in Lie To Me (2x7). Oz is trying to keep the monster in check by attempting to chain himself up and by pushing Willow away when he's about to turn. One is more successful than the other.
• Oz could have come clean and asked for help, but the way the scoobies talked about werewolves probably pushed him out of it. Later he'll ask Faith about her stance on werewolves, and he'll fail to communicate in Wild at Heart (4x6). I won't opine on whether that's in character on not, but I think at least some seeds have been planted here.
• Let's talk about about Larry and his coming out scene. I'm male, I'm not gay, digest my take accordingly. I thought it was mostly good—that is, the writing felt true to life and it was compelling to watch. It's tragic that he was afraid of coming out. I don't think we see malice directed to non-straight characters to the degree Larry is afraid of (excluded from his sports, being run out of town), I mostly remember surprise ("Tara's a great girl, Wil" / "Tara's your girlfriend?!?") followed by acceptance, at least when same-sex attraction is talked about overtly and explicitly. But let's assume Larry is right to fear that he'll be punished somehow if people know his true self, and no one can help him with that. Then I can clearly understand why he would remain in the closet, as a painful adaptation to an unfriendly environment. What really gets me, and maybe I'm reading too much into a single word, is him saying "[... admit I'm gay]". English isn't my first language, but my understanding is that "admit" means "acknowledge something bad", suggesting internalized homophobia: Larry views his own homosexuality as bad :(
• No Larry, it's okay to be gay (as the song goes). What's not okay is knocking papers out of the hands of random passers-by. It's so nice seeing him make amends near the end of the episode, by helping a victim of the same mistreatment at someone else's hands. And I guess step one of self-acceptance manifests by dropping the false persona you've used to cover up your true self.
• Hey maybe Larry can be(come) fun to be around for N-3 days of the month, just like Willow and Oz.
• The obvious parallels in this episode are Oz and Larry, both acting like monsters—if you'll admit the hyperbole about Larry's bullying—and new(-at-least-to-us) sides of them (ahem) coming out. But, in part because I like thinking concretely, I find the Larry/future-Willow parallels even more compelling. Did you catch my Restless reference? I think Willow's false persona is not about her sexuality but the very core of her being—and during her dark phase at the end of S6, it all comes out.
• Phases is great. It's not spectacular or anything, just one of those solid on-the-good-side-of-average episodes which make up the backbone of BTVS and which makes me love the show.

Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered

• Amy is back! I'm always happy to see her, she's one of my favorite side characters.
• First we find out Buffy is dating a monster, then Willow too, and now we learn Xander is dating the kind of monster who would break up with her boyfriend on Valentine's day. It's really true what they said in I, Robot... You, Jane (1x8): they're doomed.
• It's not like a horde of love-crazed girls is any better, though. And Buffy's mom! [stacys_mom.mov] Is this where Xander's dream in Restless (4x22) comes from?
• Even Drusilla is hot for Xander. They truly are doomed, and Xander could be completing the dating-a-monster trio here.
• Before this, Amy invoked Godess Hecate to turn Buffy into a rat—also to be invoked in Gingerbread (3x11). We see rat-Buffy liking cheese. Hey, is that at the root of Willow telling Riley "Buffy likes cheese" in Something Blue (4x9)? Also, Amy's eyes turned red for a moment, reminding me of the final shot in Seeing Red (6x19). I learned in Lie to Me (2x7) that you can tell the baddies by their horns or black hats but it didn't mention red eyes. I'm confused :-p
• In either this episode or the previous one (I think), there was a throwaway comment around Willow, maybe from Oz to Willow, about using powers for good and not turning into an evil mastermind—or words to roughly that effect. Apropos red eyes.
• Once or twice when the mob of girls was chasing Xander, I thought to myself "this is getting a bit old; please pick up the pace and go somewhere". But one bit of pacing not to my taste does not detract from this being a dang good MotW episode, by which I mean: it maybe nudges the characters and/or relationships forward a step—in particular Cordelia choosing Xander over Harmony—without really moving the needle on the season arc, and while doing so it focuses mainly on the episodic issue, in this case the love spell hijinks. It does its thing very well, would recommend.

Passion

• Oh no not Jenny :(
• I mean, you all know Passion. Greatest. Shit. Ever. Afterwards my partner said, with a sad tone of voice, "This' a stupid show. One more episode?"
• Angelus' speech at the end, "without passion [...] empty rooms" is great. And it's true: having something in your life which you value greatly, such as loving someone, means you also have the capacity for pain and suffering if you should lose it. Yet this is what life is for: loving, valuing, risking pain and loss. And especially endgame couples: one always dies first, leaving the other to suffer the bereavement. And yet by hormones and pheromones we are driven into each others' arms, only to be ripped out again.
• Of course: just because suffering is part of life doesn't mean we should go around inflicting it. Much better to accept the unavoidable parts, reduce the suffering we can eliminate, and hope we can tell them apart.
• Just go watch it, I don't have anything witty to say.

Killed By Death

• "Tact is just not saying true stuff, I'll pass" // "let's go, tact guy"
• They say that college is a time for experimentation. I always thought they meant lab work. I think Willow shares my mindset: her and Xander used to play doctor, except Willow would be reading the medical texts and Xander didn't have it in his heart to tell her she was playing it wrong. Willow in a nutshell: on point with the academic program—the lab work in my analogy—but a bit less so with the social program, i.e. the actual experimentation.
• Ooh, while in a heath care facility she talks about vampires and Giles pretends it's a delusion with which he plays along. That must sting real bad for Buffy: in Normal Again (6x17) we learn that she has already been in a (that time: mental) health care facility in which people didn't believe her about the vampires.
• Child Buffy playing supergirl with who I assume is her cousin Celia was suuuuper cute. I don't recall the images from The Weight of the World (5x21), but I think child-Buffy in 2x18 didn't look exactly like child-Buffy in 5x21. Oh well, maybe (up to) three years of aging will do that to a child.
• Buffy is sick so she can see the monster which she fights to save the kids the end. MotW, kept me looking at the screen the whole time, didn't move any needles on anything as far as I can tell. Not terrible, but not what excites me about BTVS.

Loose threads: I did not talk about Larry grabbing Buffy's ass in Phases or Buffy commenting on Xander not making use of her being under his (er, Amy's) spell in Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered. I don't think I have anything new to say, but I want to acknowledge that those things happened.
Episode tier list

• S-tier: 17
• A-tier: 7 13 14 > 9 10 15 16
• B-tier: 3 6 > 1
• C-tier: 8 11 > 5
• D-tier: 2 4 18 > 12

FWIW, I tend to rank two-parters as a unit, probably where I would place the best half. If I tried to distinguish real hard, Surprise (2x13) might end up somewhere lower on the A-tier. I'm not sure about What's My Line (2x9-2x10).

just a (too long) rant; i’m 18 in college and all my friends say I’m a rlly nice person but a part of me always feels like everyone hates me. caffeine makes my anxiety worse and today i made a small joke with some people I’m acquaintances with but they have their own friend group so I don’t rlly interact with them. they’re nice enough to me but for context, I asked if we had anything to do during the class and the guy responded that we didn’t so I was like ok then I’ll cut and get coffee ☺️ (so dumb ugh ik) and they giggled laughed and repeated ooh she’s getting coffee. I rlly cant tell if someone’s being malicious or not but when i came back I was like I got it in a joking way and they laughed but I rlly do feel like I’m being ridiculed sometimes.
i think I’ve always been like this bc i used to be so clueless in grade school when ppl hated me even if i was nice to everyone. like, this one girl hated my ass even if I’d hang around her and even told everyone I was “ugly like a beggar” (ok classism gtfo?) so since then I’ve never really been able to perceive myself as attractive. i got into makeup in college but it feels like I’m wasting the products since I’ll always be that ugly girl in grade school who no one ever liked. for a while in HS i tended to become a bit bitchier but not mean so I won’t be caught off guard if people hate me (dumb strategy ik; I was 13 at the time). but now that I’m in college I’ve returned to trying to be myself, giving compliments to everyone, trying to be nice etc but there’s always a part of me that’s like, “oh ppl r thinking I’m trying too hard,” or “why’s she talking to me, we’re not close?”
it’s gotten to the degree where I feel like every compliment I take is out of pity, or an attempt to reciprocate the compliments I give. when I do get complimented, my anxiety’s always nitpicking it. just the other day a girl called me pretty and it felt nice at first but after a while i started to feel that weird sense of self loathing again. like, “you’re actually so pretty,” is met by my brain wondering what actually in that sentence implies or if the tone is condescending.
it freaks me out a little bc I don’t want to return to having ppl shit on me behind my back when I’m trying to be kind to everyone. because, then won’t that mean people hate me for ME, or that I’m just unlikable and that’ll never change?
are there any ways i can try to get over this? or if ppl feel similarly, I’d like to know how u cope with it, bc i feel like I’m missing out on so many experiences bc I’m scared of what ppl think of me. hope y’all have a great day :-)