If you are new to the game or have questions about features and functions, check out this Beginner's guide/FAQ first. Last updated 5/17/2024: includes information on the New Music Friday lootbox. See also my Full list of all artists with badges post for a listing of artists you can acquire a badge for in the game.
This is the first FAQ I've ever written for a game, although I have greatly benefitted from Reddit guides over the years. I'm not a developer (though I think they're doing a great job!) or gaming expert, just a fan of the game. Thanks to the subreddit's moderators for pinning this post and to the Soundmap community for contributing your knowledge and insights. Hope this helps!
u/TheStylesReport

What is Soundmap?

Soundmap is a location-based mobile music collection game. Think Pokemon Go, but with songs. You collect the songs and then can trade them for other songs or “coins”, the in-game currency.

What kind of device do I need to play this?

This is an iPhone only app for now. Dev notes that an Android version is coming in the summer sometime.

Is Premium worth it?

Short answer: Yes. (if you intend to play the game long term)
Think of the standard edition as a demo. Reminds me of the shareware model from back-in-the-day (dating myself here). Premium unlocks so many features that make the game truly playable in the long run – expanded collection range, level, etc.
I’d say the lifetime license is a really good deal. (The cost ranges from $15-30 dollars/pounds/euros depending on your region and if you catch a sale). You’re supporting the developers’ hard work so that the game can continue to grow and prosper. And believe me, I’m normally a person that doesn’t pay for ANYTHING on the App Store, but the hours I’ve put in to this game made it worth it. I’ve been neglecting Tears of the Kingdom in favor of this.
You can also get premium if you invite 8 friends to join but I haven’t tested that functionality. I’ve heard mixed reports of it being bugged, but the game purports to have 4500+ users go premium via this route.

What are song rarities?

Each song is labeled with an associated rarity under the artist and title.

Common
Uncommon
RARE
Epic

You'll notice some Common/Uncommon/RARE songs are glowing in a "hologram" style fashion. These are "Shiny" songs and are worth more than the conventional type of song.

Where are the best places to go to get songs/drops?

I don’t know how they determine where things drop but I'm guessing it’s some combination of cell phone signals and users who have the app installed. As such, places like open fields and parks are pretty sparse, but where I’ve found the most drops are:

College campuses
Malls/shopping centers
Tourist attractions

Also remember to regularly “scan this area” when going to new places to refresh.

How can I tell if something is a rare, shiny, and/or epic on the map? Do they have their own drops?

Rares are easy to spot because they are darker and glowing, and they stand out against the yellow perimeter.
Shinies have their own drops (looks like a shiny mixed with a regular drop) but, if you’re lucky, can also be pulled from other common, uncommon and rare drops (this is very infrequent, however).
The developers initially created standalone epic drops but took them out of the game because of spoofing/cheating. As of now, the only way to pull an epic is from other drops, but they appear at an even lower probability than shinies.

I was going to pick up a drop and it’s greyed out now. Did someone get to it first?

Yes. Drops are shared with other players so someone might have gotten to it first! On the discord people have complained that in popular areas people camp out to wait for the timers to reset and then pick up the drops right away. So if you’re in an area where you don’t see a lot of grey drops enjoy it while you can :-)

Can you own multiple of the same song?

While the game doesn’t allow duplicates of the exact same song, you can have multiples in certain circumstances, such as:
• There are different album covers (ie the regular album edition vs a greatest hits version)
• There is a sped up or radio edited version
• The regular version, the shiny version and/or the epic version are all distinct versions and you can own all three

What do the numbers on the epics mean?

The lower the number, the more valuable it is. #1 means it’s the first copy someone found from a drop. Think of it like collecting comic books or trading cards. Numbers over #25 just read #25+ and over #100 read 100+.

How does the trade economy work? What is X worth? How much can I get for X?

The game’s trade economy generally follows basic rules of supply and demand with commons being worth the least, uncommons more, then rares. What’s “fair” is subjective but in my experience the general range has been this, hard-to-find artists being more:
· Commons: 100 - 500 coins
· Uncommons: 300 - 1500 coins
· RARES: 500 – 3000 coins
· Common Shiny: 500 – 1500 coins
· Uncommon Shinies: 1000 – 10000 coins
If a track is really popular and/or new, expect to pay more (for example, the Kendrick/Drake beef tracks were at premium for a while).
RARE shinies and Epics are all over the place though, with people asking for literally a million+ for a #1 Kanye West epic. I don’t know if they get it but certainly 6 figure trades for the most popular shinies and epics are not out of the ordinary.
Hip-hop seems to be the most universally popular genre, with artists like Travis Scott and Playboi Carti fetching the highest trade prices. Female pop stars like Taylor, Lana, Billie, Olivia, etc. have trading power. K-Pop (StrayKids, NewJeans, BTS, etc.) are also very popular, but a bit more niche.

How do I earn coins?

· Buy via in-app purchases. This ranges from 2 bucks for 1000, to 100 bucks for 100,000.
· Invite friends. Get 1000 coins for each person that signs up.
· Through trade by offering songs.
· Get your free daily drops.
· Converting unwanted songs to coins.
I’m usually free to play on everything (aside from buying the premium license) so I ended up doing the latter three to earn. You can really stock up with some good rares or a couple of lucky shiny or epic pulls.
Converting commons is a good way to earn some coin quickly in the early game, and your pull to earn ratio is usually pretty good, especially if you’re able to farm drops in your area. However, as you get more coins, try to keep and sell commons via trade instead as you’ll be able to earn some coins and get a common back in the process.
Try to avoid converting uncommons or rares whenever possible. Even if you offer them cheaply for a few hundred coins it’s better than burning them outright. Also, you never know what people might be interested in – one person’s trash truly is another’s treasure. Conversely you can get some really great songs that someone is just looking to be rid of.

How do I convert songs to coins?

Long press (hold down) on an individual song to convert to coins. If you hit the … next to “Your Collection” it will give you the option to “Select to Sell” and you can convert songs to coins in bulk.

How do I offer coins in a trade?

When you “request to trade” you’ll see that there’s an “add coins” option. Click on that and add the desired amount of coins. If you are aiming to trade coins only, just use any throwaway common to facilitate the trade (no way to trade without using at least one song.)

How do I hide songs I don't want to trade?

If you add songs to a playlist you can click on settings (cogwheel in top right) and switch "Available for trading" to "Hidden from trading".
Unfortunately, this is only one-way - it will hide those songs so you don't see them when you "Make A New Offer" for trade, but it does NOT hide the songs from people who visit your profile or keep them from offering things to you.
As a workaround, you can create "for trade" playlists and ask people to only look in there for things they'd like to trade for, but not everyone abides by that. Hopefully they fix this in a future update.

What is the benefit of setting favorite artist(s)? Does it actually work?

The favorite artists does work to help you increase probability of picking up your favorites, moreso if the artist has a deep discography. I set Taylor Swift as a favorite and I picked up a bunch of her tracks. (I love classic hip-hop and R&B but I’m a Swiftie nonetheless lol). It does take time as the overall drop rate is still low even at 10x. The favorite artists you set also impact starting suggestions for quests (see Quests below).
I would recommend setting one unique artist for each genre if you’re trying to accumulate. (I.e Taylor for pop, Kanye for hip-hop, SZA for R&B, etc). This can help with badge collection as you’ll see next.

What are artist badges and what are they used for?

When you collect a certain amount of songs by a particular artist, you earn a badge. This badge is a picture of the artists’ face (or a full body shot of the band), and you can designate a favorite artist badge to appear next to your username throughout the game. You can own multiple badges per artist. Badges are categorized as follows, depending on how many songs you collect:
· Bronze – 5 songs
· Silver – 20 songs
· Gold – 50 songs
· Platinum – entire discography (song count varies by artist)
· Diamond – entire discography plus 5 shiny songs
A full list of artists with badges can be found here on my other post about the topic. So far the badges themselves seem cosmetic but they are a great way to keep track of which artists are most popular (and thus fetch the highest trade prices).

How do I know how many songs are in a specific artist’s discography?

After you collect the gold badge for an artist, the game will provide you with the count of the remaining songs to collect for a platinum. As far as I know this is the only way (and thus only works for badge artists).

What are lootboxes and should I buy them?

Lootboxes are basically a way to purchase drops with coins. They can be very, very useful if used correctly and at the right phase(s) of the game.
~Daily Drop – free: You can select a free drop of the genre of your choice (or randomly). It resets everyday at midnight. Always pull this everyday. Most of the time it’s common, but I’ve pulled some really good uncommons and rares from this. And it’s free!
~Daily Free Coins – free: Self explanatory. Always pull this everyday. The reward gets larger and larger as your streak gets longer. For example, my next reward after 42 days of playing will be 1040 coins.
~Best of the Best – 2000: You can pick your genre here and it gives you a pull from a random popular artist in that genre. Note: "best" doesn't mean "rare" necessarily. I've pulled rares but other folks have pulled uncommons. Also, "popular" artist doesn’t necessarily mean badge artist, so be mindful.
~Super Rare – 1000: This is the absolute best drop for beginners aiming to build a collection for trading. As it says, you get a guaranteed rare, though it’s a blind drop (can’t pick genre). With 10,000 coins you can get 10 rares and in conjunction with stuff you collect around town that’s a great platform to start building from.
~Today’s Top Hits – 1000: If you love the most popular songs you can try your luck here. I just tried this to see what I’d get and I got a Taylor Swift rare. Most of the time you should get a rare but not sure if it’s guaranteed.
~RapCaviar – 1000: This is for the hip-hop fans. As it’s curated you’ll get a currently popular artist, but rarity is not guaranteed. I pulled an Uncommon Yeat most recently.
~New Music Friday - free: Get a random new song from a random artist in a random genre at a random rarity. LIke Daily Drop but only pulls from the "New Music Friday" playlist on Spotify.

What are Quests?

Quests are a feature added in 1.22 where you merge songs based on certain requirements in order to create artist-specific lootboxes. The Quest screen highlights artists you've designated in your favorites but you can click the search (hourglass) and create for any artist in the game.
Quests will ask you to merge songs from different genre, rarity, and initial letters. Example quest requirements (but these can vary widely) are:

Merge 28 songs
Merge 7 songs with artist names beginning with the letter "M"
Merge 11 uncommon Pop songs

According to the developer, Quest costs range from 1-2k each. Quests scale in difficulties as you progress through an artist’s discog. It’ll be easier at first and gradually increase in difficulty. If a quest is too difficult, you have 3 re-roll options per day across all artist quests.
Quests are also easier for artists who don’t spawn in map drops.
Once you merge you get a cool animation that spins all the specific songs from that specific artist (reminds me of the Marvel Studios logo, but for music) and then lands on a common, uncommon or RARE song from that artist. You then get a new requirement if you want to unlock another lootbox from that artist. You WILL permanently lose the songs that you merge so be careful what you use!
This replaces the old Favorite Artist Drop lootbox in previous editions (used to cost 2000 coins). You can still open this with coins but now it costs 3000. Open the drop and instead of merging, go to the top right corner and you'll see the option to buy with coins.
I would recommend reserving this function for when you have built up a sizable discography, you’re trying to get artists that don’t seem to spawn from drops, and/or you're trying to go for Platinum. If you're bronze, silver, etc. you may find it more cost effective to trade for songs you need.
You can do as many quests as you want in a day.

What is the point of exp and levels?

Every time you level up you get a 2000+ coin bonus (more at higher levels), which is a nice incentive to stay active. The higher your exp, the higher your worldwide rank, which so far looks to be just bragging rights. The higher your level, the more exp it takes to level up.
How to earn XP:
· Common song: 20 XP
· Uncommon song: 50 XP
· Rare song: 100 XP
· Shiny song: 300 XP
· Epic song: 800 XP
· New drop visited: 20 XP
· New artist seen: 20 XP
· New person traded with: 20 XP
· Daily check in: 100 XP
However – the exp you gain in a week does have an impact on your league position.

What are leagues?

Leagues are another way to compete with other Soundmappers and earn a little bit of coins as well.
Each user is assigned to a league that consists of 30 random participants of a common rank. Like the artists, there are Bronze/SilveGold/Platinum/Diamond Tiers. You advance (or maintain your rank) by earning XP. Top players in each tier get some coins. If you rank highly enough you get promoted, if you are too low, you get demoted to a previous rank.
Check out the in-game League FAQ for more info. (I tried to link it here but it keeps trying to post some huge goofy Notion ad alongside the link so I'll not do that).

What is Discord and why does everyone keep talking about it?

From Wikipedia: Discord is an instant messaging and VoIP social platform which allows communication through voice calls, video calls, text messaging, and media and files.
There is no in-game messaging system (yet) so Discord is the platform you can use to communicate with other gamers to negotiate trades, advertise things you’re selling, contact the developers about desired features. The devs are active and you can often get very good insights from the help and announcement channels.
However, as with any social chat community there is always the danger of people getting toxic/abusive in the general rooms. Generally I stick to direct messages about trades, and everyone I’ve spoken to in DMs is nice and polite, but your own experience may vary.
If you click on the “chat” icon in app it will automatically invite you to the discord.

Why am I banned?

If you’re unlucky you’ll find yourself locked out of login with an error that your account has been banned. Generally, if you’ve violated the terms of service (we all read those, right?).
From what I’ve seen, the following things can get you banned:
· Location spoofing (using apps/tools to pretend you’re in a different place than you actually are)
· Scamming (trying to trick people into giving up high value tracks for nothing, etc.)
· Invite spoofing (using fake emails to sign up for multiple accounts and then using those to get free premium
If you think you’ve been falsely/mistakenly banned, send a help ticket and plead your case.

Speaking of ban, how do I block people who are bothering me, spamming the trade channel, or who are throwing me terrible trades?

Hit the ... in the top right next to a username and Block and/or Report. Use this carefully as there is currently no option to unblock someone after you block them. Once they're gone, they're gone.

Someone offered me a bunch of coins for a trade, but I traded them a bunch of valuable things and now I don't see the coins!

This is a (in)famous scam floating around in the game, usually marked by something to the effect of:
"I'm quitting the game! Trade me for all these coins!"
"I'm offering X amount of coins, best offer takes them!"
What most of these people are hoping you do is click on the individual song instead of clicking "trade" for the entire lot (and that you offer a bunch of valuable rares, shinies, epics, etc enticed by the coin amount).
In other words, when you do this you are telling the game, "nah, I don't want the coins." Next thing you know, they accept the trade and you only get the song.
Unfortunately, you can't reverse the trade but you can report those individuals. Next time, before you finalize the trade (the screen where the game asks "are you SURE you want to do this?", make sure the confirmation says explicitly "You'll receive X coins."
That's all I've got for now. Good luck and have fun! I hope both this subreddit and the Soundmap community grows and prospers.

I was here a while back asking about how to block YouTube properly on an iPhone (I came to the conclusion that it’s almost impossible to do it comprehensively without significant negative side effects even with supervision/profile because of how iOS handles blacklisting of domains).
I currently have YouTube and Instagram domains blocked under the “adult content” filtering system (which means I have to deal with the annoyance of occasionally unblocking a domain that isn’t actually “adult” and got caught in the crossfire). This doesn’t prevent me from downloading the apps, which I could do with Configurator, but so far is being avoided purely due to my intense hatred of the iPhone apps and reduced control over the content (ads and such): I used both in browser with filtering/blocking on.
I’ve since realised that it’s almost immaterial, however, because I will simply find another way to inject dopamine blasts into my eyes: if it’s not YouTube then it’s Instagram, and if I block both of those, I try BlueSky, and when I realise that’s not doing it for me, I end up here on Reddit even though I am very much Not A Reddit Person in general. This is quite likely to be highly correlated with the prevalence of ADHD traits that have recently (finally) led to me going through a diagnostic assessment process to see whether I am going to be formally diagnosed or just told that I have traits but it’s not considered severe enough to actually diagnose and treat (another thing piling on the anxiety is how determined the doctor seemed to be to not end up at an ADHD diagnosis).
I have a lot of anxiety about the way my career is going which is of course adding to the difficulty of engaging with it which only makes the problem worse. The only thing that seems to keep me away from the doomscrolling pit of despair is good/engaging things happening IRL, which lately isn’t going so well and I am not finding it to be something I am effective at enforcing for myself (yes, perhaps I should simply “touch grass”, but that too gives me anxiety about task avoidance and is harder work and less instantly gratifying than sitting scrolling bullshit on the internet for seven hours).
I’m going to see if I can also block Reddit, and find out if having access on my computers is still enough of a problem if I get it blocked on my phone. I wonder what my next life-wasting distraction will turn out to be? 😅
If you have found yourself falling into similar patterns and managed to figure out any coping mechanisms, what did that look like?

My husband (32M) and I (31F) are a military family. Been married 3 years but together 7. He’s deployed right now to a pretty calm location, with no combat and short work days + weekends off. Currently I live alone in our home, and we’re stationed overseas. He’s set to return here in a few months. For context, it’s nice in a way, to have him deployed. I have the home to myself to present it the way I like. I don’t have to rub his back every night the way he likes. No meals to cook unless I want to. And because he’s not here, I don’t find or feel any crumbs or dipping tobacco in my sheets. But it does get lonely here sometimes. Right now, I’m alone in this foreign place. But I try to make the best of it, because it’s beautiful.
My husband isn’t really there for me emotionally, the way I’d like him to be. But I get by, and for the most part, I try to be patient. Generally he is very loving and affectionate. But he doesn’t like to talk. He doesn’t like to be bothered with much outside of his job. He doesn’t like to plan for the future, or strategize in terms of career. He doesn’t like to talk about finances, and has made a few financial pitfalls. Last year he bought 2 cars he couldn’t afford, insisting that he’d sell them for a profit. He never tried to sell, and the cats are sitting in parking lots out here growing rust. But we all make financial mistakes. When he was here, he had a hard time being here for me emotionally. I like to explore new places, go for walks, and spend time with people I love. He outright refused to do those things with me for a long time, and when I’d ask him he’d get upset and talk about his job. Things got better and he started taking me out some, but he can still be this way with me. He prefers that I don’t go for my daily walks. That I stay home, rub his back, and watch tv or movies with him until he falls asleep. In a lot of ways, this deployment is a great break from that chaos. For a while he seemed happier out there, with a different group of people from other units. But things have apparently taken a turn.
This past week, I asked if he would spare time and talk with me for a few minutes later in the day, as I’d received awful news about a close family member that I needed to talk through. He said sure, and the day went on. But he never offered up a set time. He got off work early that day and told me he was going to take a nap, and when push came to shove, he flaked on talking at all, saying he wasn’t feeling good. The next day I checked in on him and broached the topic of us talking as planned, and he told me he felt he was going through depression. That a lot of dudes out there were going through something similar, and that he could go and do things, but talking was taking a lot out of him. I pivoted and tried to encourage him and asked if there was anything I could do to help. He told me sending funny videos would help and that he enjoyed seeing photos and videos I was taking of my life out here, so I sent some of those along, but he didn’t really engage with it much.
The week went on like this, with very little communication on his part. I would get bits and pieces, he would he out with colleagues to eat, have drinks, and spend time after work. But he didn’t talk to me, wouldn’t share what might be going on with him internally. I told him this hurt my feelings, and that I didn’t feel like he was prioritizing his relationship with me. Specifically during a time when I really needed to talk.
Cut to this past weekend. My husband and I did talk a bit Saturday evening. It was a short phone conversation about channel passwords. At the end of the convo, I’d again told him, I felt frustrated and sad because he wasn’t really communicating with me. My husband told me he understood and that he loved me. We hang up and I feel glad we got to talk, and that he could understand where I was coming from. I call it a night Saturday night and fall asleep haphazardly, forgetting to text him goodnight.
It’s Sunday morning and I wake up, and husband hasn’t texted, his phone is actually off. It remains off for most of the day. I text him good morning and go about my day, and hours later he texts good morning. I ask him how his night went. Usually, when his phone dies over night, there’s been drinking involved. He’s fallen asleep and forgotten to charge his phone. Stuff like that. There’s radio silence on his end, and then it starts to hit me that just last night, he told me he could understand where I was coming from with my frustrations with him. But he’s just continuing to fail to communicate, or prioritize us. I tell him I’m feeling a slight way about all of this. He texts me back a little bit later and is like give me a few minutes to wake up and I’ll give you the rundown about last night.
Two hours go by, and nothing. Then he tells me actually, he “had an accident” last night (not the car kind) and used the bathroom (unsure #1 or #2 on himself), on his bed, and on his rug. He tells me he’s spent the last bit of time trying to clean that up, and that he feels awful about it.
I tell him I’m so sorry that this is happening, and that it sounds terrible. But I add that it has nothing to do with what’s been going on between us. He gets upset and says “Yeah, I’m going through some things right, but I’ll be sure to sit and take a look at how you’ve been feeling.”
I tell him that feels like a slap in the face response. Then he tells me he wants “some space”. These words really trigger me, because 1. He tends to ask for “space” at the slightest hint of conflict between us, but he never, ever offers up a time for reengagement, to sort through our issues. For him, space can take days or weeks, if left unchecked. 2. I just feel so beyond let down by him shutting down for the umpteenth time, right when I’m airing out valid concerns.
This is the part that I’m not proud of. I feel deeply ashamed and responsible for my actions, and at the same time I feel so upset and righteous: I call him non stop for 2 hours, demanding that he talk to me. I text him message after message, imploring him to pick up the phone. I tell him not to speak to me for the rest of the deployment, and then I’m begging him to just talk with me for 5 minutes. It’s chaos. And I’m doing this for about 2 hours straight.
He blocks me on iPhone but keeps me unblocked on WhatsApp. And he just lets the phone ring and ring, which baffles me. In hindsight, he might have been letting it ring to show his buddies how “crazy” his wife is. Or to have documented evidence of how “crazy, unhinged, and disrespectful of boundaries” I can be, just in case we split and get a divorce.
Whatever the reason, he lets me keep calling and calling, until after midnight his time and 2 am my time.
And this is where we’re at.
How do I recover from such a messed up thing that I’ve done? I feel so bad, for ruining this man’s night and potentially fucking up his Monday morning. And I also feel so frustrated that he doesn’t care about me. I feel hurt. And I also feel like I lack self respect or love for myself. How do I recover from all of these hurt feelings and shame I have over what I’ve done?
You know what I hate? I hate that this fucked up relationship I have with this guy can sometimes make me so desperate. Why do I care and try and try with someone who is soiling themselves in drunken stupors, and actively avoiding having solid communication with me?
I feel so bad about myself this morning. I feel alone in my relationship and afraid to just be here, alone with myself. How do I make things right, first with myself, and later with him. Despite his piss poor treatment of me, I do deeply feel that I owe him an apology, for calling like that and not respecting his space. That’s not who I want to be. But is this who I am? It’s what I did in my moment of weakness. How do I recover from this?
TL;DR: I went nuts oh my emotionally and physically absent husband. I feel hurt by him and frustrated, but I know that was wrong. how do I recover from my bad behavior?

Hello. I have purchased an iphone through straight talk and its locked to accept just straigt talk sim cards. I know it can be unblocked by just renewing the contract a couple of times but i just want to switch right now. How do i do it and how much will it cost me? Thank you very much.

First of all, my apologies, I posted this before, everyone told me to leave and I didn't listen.
Here's the full story, with all the possible details
TL;DR: Have I really been a neglecting boyfriend after not organizing a birthday party?
At this moment I feel devastated and heartbroken and I’d like to write my story down. It's rather long and very detailed. I noticed that I tend to switch between past and present tense. I'm supposed to be fluent in English but it’s not my native language and I apologize for any inconsistencies. I also seem to be going back and forth with the timeline, my apologies for this. So about a year ago I met someone from South America, she spoke only Spanish, none of my native languages, which are Dutch and French so I tried my best to speak Spanish (I'm okay, just not fluent) and we went on a date. She talked about her native country, which is Peru, her daughter (8yo at the time), I talked about stuff in my life (I’m a biker, sports shooter and I go to the gym a few times a week), and my daughter (11yo at the time). By the way, all of this happens in my country, which is Belgium. The date went really well, however she started drinking rather heavily and we ended up in my place having sex, the day after everything went really friendly although she was rather embarrassed she went that far on a first date. I assured her that's not really my style either but we were both in a party mood and drunk and one thing led to another. In the upcoming weeks we continued seeing each other (just regular dates, nothing sexual) and we got along really fine, what I did notice was that she never offered to pay for anything. For the moment she's not a legal resident so she can't work legally and she only works as a babysitter at someone's house so I let that slide. I do make a lot more than she does and I drive a company car so money is less tight to me, however this doesn't mean my resources are limitless. I take care of my daughter financially, I try to save for her and myself, for my sports, traveling so although I make a lot, life is very expensive. Let’s say I usually find a balance between enjoying life with my money and being responsible. She making a lot less money doesn’t mean she has nothing either, although I remain chivalrous, in Belgium it’s very common for a woman to pay as well, it’s more about the act and not really about the money. (Of course it’s different when you live together.) Also men and women are equal here, yet at the same time I try to take into account and show respect for the fact that this might be completely different in her culture. She did show she doesn't easily trust men, calling all men liars, continuously saying she believes in actions and is very reluctant towards words, always expressing the fact she’s completely independent. I did find this contradictory with her attitude to let men pay for her, but okay, different culture and a language barrier. (She speaks incredibly fast and sometimes understanding her was a task). At one point she asked (in a message) if I wanted to get to know her sisters, since family is important to her I enthusiastically said yes (I thought she was introducing me to her family), she interpreted this as an attempt to date her sisters and immediately blocked me. At this moment I panicked, I called a friend of hers and tried to explain the misunderstanding. Luckily she unblocked me and we continued talking and dating. However to avoid this in the future, I did say to her that if I ever were to say anything offensive, to ask or notify me, I speak Spanish rather fairly but it’s not my native language, so with this language barrier mistakes are always possible. She once even reacted in anger because she thought I wrote too many messages that indicated I wanted her for sex only, I apologized, assured her that is not the case and I also showed this in my actions. One very positive point, I picked up my Spanish lessons from school again and I started studying again so my Spanish would improve and indeed, these types of misunderstandings did more or less go away. However, now that I’m looking back, her attempts to learn French were no more than some basic phrases and my warning for the mistakes wasn’t taken into account for. After some more weeks passed by, we did seem to like each other a lot and she seemed to let her guard down, she started talking about doing activities with our kids, some time later she really wanted a relationship with me. Her daughter was really nice, she almost immediately became friends with my daughter, my gf was so pleased, we really connected. Then I made a horrible mistake, I didn't delete a dating app on my phone and she found conversations from the first week of our official relationship. (We were a month along) In my defense, I also have friends (non sexual) I met on these apps and the conversations were nothing more than a hello. Still I understand her feeling reluctant, I didn't show respect there, however she said nothing, and that night when I was sleeping she wrote a long message on how I was a horrible cheater and blocked me again. The last I could see was a status update where she filmed herself adding text she doesn’t need a man. Same story, talked to her friend, unblocked and we continued. I delete the dating app, I apologize for the lack of respect and I show her I'm actually loyal. About two months passed and we're in a nice relationship, however her wallet stayed closed. She even went as far as asking me for money to tip the waiter. Note: Tipping isn’t that customary in my country, the waiter was really confused. One night when we were going out I had enough. I just told her I was out of cash. Suddenly she pulls out a 50 euro bill (to the readers from the USA, a Euro is slightly higher than a dollar), gives me the bill and tells me she can lend me money so I can continue buying drinks and pay back the money later. I was dumbfounded. I asked her why she just couldn't offer a drink but she didn't seem to go with that story. In the pub she continuously kept saying I was tired and I should go home, I wasn’t tired at all but after a while I was fed up and I said: “Okay, I’ll go home.” Then she surprised me again, she asked me to pay a few beers forward (with the money she lent me) so she can continue drinking while I go home. I thought: “You know what? Take it, I’ve had it for today.” I pay for the beers and I walk out. Then she follows me and stops me, asking me to stay. At this point she really started to irritate me, ask me to go or stay but make a decision. We went back to the pub, I took one of the prepaid beers, which she didn’t like because those were hers supposedly. Suddenly the police entered the pub, they received a complaint about the noise, nothing special, just a standard visit. However, the bartender (a good female friend of my gf), also foreign didn’t have any identification, apparently she was here illegally. Police, forced to do their job, arrests her, my gf starts lashing out at the police, I tried to stop her because she’s here illegally as well. Had a friendly chat with the police, they were even impressed that I could speak foreign languages, really nice guys. At some point I had to pee, unfortunately the police weren't allowed to let us back inside the pub so I went somewhere between houses. (Not my style either but the pressure was high) When I came back my gf was gone, she thought I bailed, asked no questions and was walking home. I explained here why I was gone and later on she asked me to drive to the police station to find her friend, I tried to talk her out of that idea, trying to explain she’s being held for questioning and she’ll probably just be released in a few hours. She wouldn’t listen and wanted to go to the police station, at that point another friend of hers joined us and I drove them to a closed police station. The night ends, I drop them off and I go home. Luckily not all of our dates went like that, mostly we went to pubs, then ended up at my place where she changed into one of my shirts, looked at latin music on YouTube and then ended up spending the night. We did go to a Peruvian restaurant once, I let her order for me, no tourist food, the real experience. She orders her food, eats a part, decides it wasn’t tasty and just orders something else. You guessed it, I paid the bill. One day she talks about her daughter's upcoming anniversary (in a message), I propose to buy her a gift, however I'd like to wait a few weeks till my funds are replenished. She bursts out in anger, again, still unable to write my name correctly (that’s a real frustration, from the very beginning she wrote my name wrong), telling me how I'm always talking about money (I don't, I calculate a lot but I rarely talk about this) and she blocks me again. I was fed up, I just came from another relationship with a narcissist (true story) and I realized I was still in a people please mode, I couldn’t handle another one of these situations. I didn't call her friend anymore, I picked up the pieces of my heart and I went on. I told my daughter she wouldn't be seeing her daughter anymore (they got along really well so she was sad), picked my life back up and started focusing on healing rather than being with someone. The narcissist I mentioned is not the person in this story, I’m referring to a previous relationship. A few days later she sent me a poorly translated text with her bank account, asking me to deposit the 50 euro she lent me, minus 3 euro for an iPhone cover I bought her online. I ignored the message and went on with my life. I don’t steal from people but this was compensation for me. A few months later she texted me again, telling me how she misses our daughters being together and she really wants to see me. I agree on the condition that it's her time to pay for a drink. Yes you are allowed to call me an idiot here. So we went on a friendly date, she did pay, more or less, scratching the change in her pocket and barely getting to pay the bill for a few beers. However she did make a move on me again, I just went with it without expecting anything. That weekend we went out, the wallet was closed again and the romance was shifted back to friends and nothing more, she even asked me to take her friends out in the future. Yet instead of telling her to sod off, I felt hurt, meaning I wasn't healed as much as I wanted, I did improve but I still had a long way to go. The day after I sent her a message that going out as friends was too much for me and I couldn't see her on these terms anymore. (You could say I should have been more direct or blunt but I felt bad enough as it was and I also wanted to break her stereotypical view that all men take advantage of women). She replies in a very long message on how she's independent, I reply with an apology in case I ever hurt her. I hide my own pain, and once again I move on. Thanks to therapy, self reflection and really good friends I find myself again, I even have a few sexual encounters (always lifts the spirit), I take care of my daughter and I take (and improve) life one day at a time. A few months later, you guessed it, she texts me again. She misses me and she wants to get back in touch. I admit she has a special place in my heart, but no matter how special that is, she's not coming in anymore with that "all men are liars" and "I don't pay anything" attitude. For once I'm putting my brain ahead of my heart. We go out for a drink, she picks up the pill, we end up at my place, she spends the night. The day after I drop her off and I decide to take things differently, I send sweet yet straightforward messages, ignoring her evasive words and she becomes really impressed. I sent her an email, talking about the heavy divorce I had with my daughter’s mom, how she tried to demand way too much money from me and how I had to rebuild enormously financially, explaining why I’m reluctant to let people in my life who demand I pay everything. I don’t mind her not being able to pay a lot, but be fair. I do tell her my daughter needs braces and since her mom doesn’t feel like contributing I’m taking the full bill, which will be between 3000 and 4000 euro, meaning I don’t mind paying but sometimes I’ll be unable. That was only a small part of the mail, I really hate these ridiculous financial conversations and I do not want to give the impression here that our relation completely revolved around who pays the bill in the pub. I talk mostly about what happened with my daughter’s mom and the narcissist and what I expect from a relationship. She reacted very lovely to my mail and she seemed to really want to be with me. I was very clear, she could come back, however she knew my boundaries. I did receive a sad message from her, saying she wants to be with me but she can’t contribute in a financial way the way I demand from her. I simply reply that’s not what I meant with my message and there’s more to contribute to a relationship than money. She starts making an effort, I start getting messages that are more and more romantic. She doesn't freak out anymore, she seems to be dropping this overly independent attitude, I stay vigilant but she seems to be taking a turn for the better. Note that at this point we're more than a year further since our initial date. The insecurity wasn’t gone, one night, as a reply to a romantic message from me, she asks why I’m being romantic. I can just ask for sex if I want, I don’t have to lie and pretend I love her. Instead of denying, I agreed, I said I did want sex with her, but for romantic reasons and not just physical. She replied that she really wants me but she’s just so afraid, I calmly replied I didn’t mind. I accepted her so I also accept her fears, I accept her with all her positive and negative traits, not just the parts I like. This seemed to have given her a sense of trust and security We go out, sometimes just the two of us, sometimes with our kids, she pays (a small part but again, it’s the act, not the money), she was really opening up and we were really getting fond of each other. There wasn't a single message that wasn’t followed with hearts and other romantic gestures. On my behalf, I show her that my words are followed with action, I'm not one of these men that give empty promises like she tends to believe. One day I surprised her with concert tickets for a sold out concert for Karol G. She reacts euphorically but suddenly asks if I have a ticket for her daughter as well. I told her I wasn't able to score a third ticket as this was from a reseller and I can only buy what they're offering. (Note: There were more available at that reseller but I was at my limit. I learned from the past, I already take her to her favorite singer for free.) She tells me she can't enjoy the concert without her daughter and starts looking for tickets at resellers (including sites I really don't trust), she even thought about VIP tickets because why not. (I was like: “ WTF, we’re sitting in a pub, I’m buying the beer, you ask me to buy you food, I agree because you have less and then you start looking for VIP tickets) I told her the VIP tickets are not sold out but insanely expensive (about 450 euro), she replied she didn’t mind when it’s for her daughter. In case you're wondering if I accept her daughter, I really do. She's a wonderful child, the concert is just really expensive and also not really a place where I'd take a 9yo. I thought: “Please no, not this financial crap again.” The day after she sends me reseller sites that I find untrustworthy, taking her daughter was the only thing she could put her mind on. In the upcoming weeks I continue having a relationship with her the way I do relations, I do a lot of activities, I show her I'm a man of my word. I make a list of all activities I want to do with her (or our kids), she reacts very lovely to that. And yes I start executing everything I planned, tropical pool for the four of us, private sauna for the two of us, etc. We’re having a double date! On one of our dates she asked me to pick up her sister and boyfriend to go to a restaurant. This adds about an hour to my driving time but I don’t mind, my investment into a slowly opening relationship. That night my daughter was with me but since she’s 13 now she can easily spend an evening by herself. In the restaurant, she still acts like a date and not my gf. The sister makes everything a bit more acceptable since she was the only one that spoke and understood French. Her boyfriend pays for the entire table (I genuinely thanked him) and my girlfriend asks to take all of us to my place for drinks. At my place (my daughter watching tv) I give them whisky cola and beers, she opens my fridge and sees about 12 beers, she immediately starts pushing me on how that’s not enough, we needed way more beer in the fridge. I drove her to the night shop (leaving the sis and her boyfriend alone in my apartment with my daughter, something I bet she’d never ever do if I were the one staying). We pick up more beers and Corona, then at my place she barely touches that beer, they just drink one Corona, why on earth did she make me drive to the night shop? There’s a party! She invited me to a party at her niece's place. I get Peruvian food and they charge 2 euro for a beer. The night begins great, I meet her friends and her father, great people. All of this is still in the concept of a friend, I’m not a boyfriend officially. Her daughter is playing in another room in the house, but she didn’t have any connection on her phone so I gave my phone as an access point. From time to time I ask my gf to give me my phone in case I receive a message or a call. Then I cross a line, I knock on the door of the room containing her daughter, just to check my phone, I notify her it’s me, my gf notices this, completely freaks out, yells at her daughter on how she can’t open for anyone including me. That actually hurt, we might not be dating that long but I’m no stranger either. Still I don't question her as a mother, yet she could have done this more friendly. The party continues, I get along with her dad and all her friends. She’s being nice, even holds my hand, yet to receive a kiss I had to be alone in another room with her. Every time I take a beer, I offer her one. She immediately asks to buy beers for other people, no worries, I agree. A fight breaks out between a few drunks, twice, with a bunch of drunk Peruvians piled up. After the fight one of her slutty friends (really that woman was a trainwreck) starts to twerk against me, I step back because I don’t do that with another woman. People start to cheer upon us, I give in for a few seconds, yet I make sure not to touch her, that's not a message I want to send to my gf, even if I’m just a friend in public. She gets angry again, thinking I’m a cheater and immediately starts to do the same dance with random men. I told her this wasn’t right, I’ve been playing the friend the entire evening, I never even touched that other woman, having this sort of petty revenge is below all means. She remains furious, yet we can talk in private, she turns around, kisses me and we make up. The party ends, I go home, she goes to sleep in that room with her daughter, peace is restored. One day (a few weeks ago) we're sitting in my car, she's all over me and tells me how I belong to her (completely love bombing me), suddenly she tells me how I have to tattoo her name on my manhood. I wanted to call her bluff, so I accepted her challenge if she tattooed my name on her body. Surprisingly she agreed, she even suggested my name on her boobs. A few days later I told her a manhood tattoo is a bit too insane (and also medically dangerous) so I accept her name on another part and my daughter's name on my arm. She agrees and sticks with the idea of my name on her boobs and adds a ring tattoo with our initials and those of our kids. She keeps talking about this for days like she really really wants my name. This was a bit odd, we were together for one month and she wanted our names tattooed, why did I call her bluff? What if she pushes this through? My daughter did react negatively, telling me I’ve been talking about her name for a long time but didn't do anything, yet for my gf’s name I immediately started planning. I told her she’s also in the planning but indeed, I only mentioned the gf and not my daughter, what was I doing? I wake up by this wake up call, I apologize and I prioritize the design of my daughter's name. Still, I’m a man of my words (although my priorities are sometimes overwhelmed by my emotions), so besides my daughter’s name, I also design our other names and the ring. My gf reacts very positively to the designs and appears to look forward to having my name on her body. Is this real? Suddenly, one day she starts doubting and she thinks tattooing a name is way too soon and she'd rather just go for a ring tattoo with my initials. I agree, it’s her body, the idea of my daughter's name remains unchanged. The day before the date for the tattoo, I sent her a message that my daughter picked the design for my tattoo and also hers, she reacted lovely to that. However when I asked what time I should pick her up, she replied with a long answer on how she thought the matter over and it's too soon to have initials tattooed because we don't know what the future brings. And most importantly, she already told me about this (she did not, she just went from name between boobs to initials on finger). I reacted calmly and said I'd still go through with my daughter's name, she's my daughter, I will not regret this. Yet this is just not done, backing down and making me ask before refusing. She didn’t even want to join me to the tattoo shop, but wrote positively that I could use the session for me. On the upside, I did get my daughter’s name tattooed and I’m absolutely thrilled about that. And in retrospect, by not tattooing our names she saved me from a very big mistake. Her daughter’s birthday! Me and my daughter pick them up and wo go to a nautical zoo, a fucking long drive but still an awesome daytrip. We buy a game for her Nintendo Switch packed in a box full of candy, chocolate and crisps and we head off to the zoo. In the zoo we have a blast, we even go through an obstacle course where I take her daughter with me. When the visit is over we visit the gift shop, my daughter chooses something sensibly she likes (she always does this), her daughter ravages the store. No worries, it’s her birthday, have a second gift, I take the bill. We drove off and she started talking about her upcoming birthday next month and she asked me if I could arrange a cabin at a river for about seven people. I told her I'd look. She immediately said she's only interested in that and she doesn't mind if I'm not able, yet I could sense discard in her voice. (I could be wrong here, she did mention her party somewhere that weekend) I tell her again my daughter needs braces, which I'm funding completely since her mom refuses to pay anything, so since braces are insanely expensive there will be moments where I'll be forced to decline activities that cost money, however I do what’s possible. I mentioned this several times since we started going out again and every time she reacted in a positive way, then why this type of reaction now? We go back to my place, she cooks (honestly she cooks amazing), we have some fun and we drive back to her place to deposit her daughter with her dad, my daughter stays at home. She tells me she wants to change clothes, meaning I can add 30 mins to my wait outside, always outside, I never enter her place apparently. Then we go to some friends of mine, I get to introduce her, we’re at their place just having fun and playing pool. My friends welcomed her immediately, trying to speak Spanish and making an effort to make her feel at home. When the night ends we go back to my place, to discover I’m out of coke for the whisky cola, she pushed me to go to the night shop but sadly they were all closed. She kept pushing me to drive back to her neighborhood to buy coke. I drove almost 400 km that day, I didn’t really want to but she kept pushing. Once entering her neighborhood she gets a call from her friend (that trainwreck), she asks me to visit her because she was crying and needed someone, she warned me not to give my number or any contact data because she’s very jealous (this wasn’t the first time she said that, really I don’t like that friend). Once arrived she had a drink with that drunk friend till my gf got sick about that herself, we dropped her off (she peed on the street) and went back to my place, with coke. At my place, she changes from her clothes to one of my shirts and we start watching South American videos on YouTube. Suddenly she shows me a video of a quinceanera party, apparently that’s a big party for when a girl turns 15, with horses, music and all the whatnot. My daughter rides horses as a sport, we know the people from the stables, looking at the video this doesn’t look that difficult to organize so I propose to her we can pull this off. Her mood changes, she reluctantly tells me I shouldn’t be pretending like she meant as much to me as my own daughter. (Yea of course my own daughter comes first to me, so does her to her, but that wasn’t the point. I have never disregarded her daughter, I mentioned many times that she's a fantastic child and I treat her with love. Also this wasn’t a situation where I had to choose, I only proposed that if she wants a party, we know the stables. She continues her rant going on and on, at one point she’s back in Peru and around 10yo and she starts crying because some men from her family touched her in inappropriate places. At that point I thought she was going mental but I still did the right thing, hugged her and calmed her down. Then she jumped up and started dancing. By that time we were around 08:00 and I said we had to turn the music down because we could wake up my daughter, she said we could continue in my room. (That made me happy, watching my gf dancing naked all night without being allowed to do anything but dance was a very strong foreplay) She goes to my room, I look for my phone, I enter my room and I find her dead asleep. I sleep beside her for a few hours, she wakes up, makes a move on me and we have sex. Later on, I drove her home (this is the last time I’ll ever see her) and we talked about her birthday party. When she asked me a few days back what I had planned for her birthday, my ideas weren’t good, she wanted me to rent a house for about 8 people. The house had to be in nature by a river. Driving her home, I admit I’m afraid I won’t be able to cater this on such a short notice, she replied she was prepared for the fact that I wouldn’t be able. Again, I’m a man of my word but I have almost nothing to work with here, I don’t even know how her friends or family are able to get there. One morning I sent her my attempts to find cabins but they’re all ridiculously expensive (I did jack up the price but with her there are always hidden costs), she didn't believe me and gave me an answer like if I'm not able we should just drop everything. I even asked her sister's number, asking if we could organize something together because she already mentioned she was also planning. She did give her contact but I can't help but feel her reluctance over this. The sister replied, making demands, immediately telling me what I have to pay (I did not mention anything about money, I only mentioned location, beers, friends, etc.) I agree, as long as I’m able, that’s all. A few days later the sister changes the house for 8 people to a single space for 12 people. Shortly after my gf aggressively sends me I should stop because I’m not doing anything anyway. Again, I work, meaning several hours of my day are committed to the company, I’m available, just not 24/7. I say I’d rather be involved but I respect her decision, I’m her boyfriend so I should be able to give her an experience for her birthday. She lashes out, telling me if I really was her boyfriend I’d organize her party and not try to make her sister pay. I did nothing of the sort, I wanted to organize with several people for a better organization, nothing more.
Later on she even thought the fact that I agreed to her pushing me out of the organization was horrible. The love in her messages made place for cold text. A few days later she compared our relation with her sister’s, telling me how that Cuban boyfriend makes sure she never has to pay for anything (Drinks, babysit, even parts of her rent) She went on about how I’m cold, never took care of her and only used her for sex. She told me she never had a boyfriend like me, she was absolutely struck by how poorly she was treated compared to how other men treat their woman. She even said I force her to share the gifts I give her. I started thinking back and indeed, a few months ago we weren’t officially together yet and she posted about how Valentine was about love and friendship, I gave her a big box of chocolates and I jokingly said this wasn’t for her alone, also for her daughter and other family members that wanted to try. I told her that’s the friendship part, she loved that idea, yet in silence that seemed to build resentment. I replied that here in Europe men and women are equal, paying everything would be an insult to a woman’s independence. (I didn’t reply on the other accusations) This was not an attempt to discard her culture so I added the fact that with great respect for her culture, she’s living in mine, this should result in a healthy mix and not one culture winning over the other. Yes since I was writing Spanish I accidentally used the word conquer instead of “winning over” so she aggressively reacted to that. I told her that’s not what I mean, that was the last we said, she didn’t reply anymore. Somewhere back in her rant I asked if she was dumping me over text, to which she replied: “Of course not.” Although that could have been sarcasm I was hurt, confused on how a situation with nothing but love and attachment could turn into this nightmare over communication about a party. A good (female) friend of mine told me she should pay for her own fucking party of she wants one, but I was too emotional to accept this. I did something I regret, I wrote on my Whatsapp status that if my daughter ever treats a man like she treated me, I’ve officially failed as a dad and a few other pics on healing from abuse, all in English. Yes it’s petty, I know, my emotions got the better of me. Yesterday (and today), her fb and Whatsapp status is packed with videos on how real men should treat real women. Is she punching back for my status, is she just using a coping mechanism, did she read my status at all? I don’t know but it felt like I was being kicked when I was down. She keeps on telling me how she hates people that waste her time but I'm afraid that's exactly what she did to me. Did I really invest in a person that doesn’t exist? Did I really come short? Was I really a cold boyfriend? If there’s one silver lining, I used the money for her party to buy a new firearm. The story has a lot more details than this, but it's been long enough already, by all means, ask me anything if I haven't been clear somewhere.

Greetings Community,
I'm eager to share a cautionary tale about a scam that involved FIDO, to raise awareness among you all. Here's the gist of my situation:
I've set my iPhone to block unknown and scam calls, allowing only contacts to reach me, with FIDO 1(888)481-3436 being a whitelisted contact. My ongoing plan was $27.25 for 80GB of data with a free iPhone 11.
On the 13th of March, a call came in from FIDO (whitelisted number: 1(888)481-3436), who presented a special deal: a monthly rate of $48.9 for 80GB of data and a free iPhone 15 Pro Max featuring 1TB of storage. The proposition caught my interest, but due to my busy schedule, I asked for the call to be rescheduled. Unfortunately, there's no record of this conversation since it took place over the phone, and the representative mentioned they were unable to provide the details via email.
On March 15, I got another call from FIDO - 1(888)481-3436, where they asked for just my email and a verbal "I confirm" to move forward. After this, I was transferred by the FIDO agent to someone claiming to be from Best Buy to arrange delivery, which began to make me wary. Despite my reservations, I went along with it but soon noticed inconsistencies between the initial offer and what was actually being processed in my account. The monthly payment was adjusted from $27.25 to $45.9, and my data plan was unexpectedly upgraded from 80GB to 100GB, contrary to the originally stated $48.9 for 80GB. To add to my concern, a FedEx shipping label for an iPhone 15 Pro Max with 512GB was emailed to me within an hour, deviating further from the deal described. This discrepancy gave me pause, especially when I found out the FIDO customer service center had closed early that Friday, leaving me no way to clarify these issues immediately. Unfortunately, there's no written record of these discussions since they occurred over the phone, and the representative mentioned they were unable to send any offer details via email.
On the morning of March 16, I reached out to FIDO via their website, using the "AskJack" feature, to report inaccuracies with the plan and phone. The FIDO representative apologized for the mix-up and promised to correct the order and upgrade the phone to the 1TB version, instructing me to return the 512GB model. Concerned about potential extra charges, I queried about the specifics of the plan—$48.9 monthly with a complimentary phone, sounding almost too attractive. The agent reassured me that there were no additional fees and acknowledged the initial mistake in the order setup, committing to resolve it. They also mentioned a finance payment would appear on my account before I shipped the 512GB phone back via Canada Post, yet assured me my account was secure and there was nothing to worry about. I have saved the chat history of this conversation for reference.
Around noon on March 16, I received a barrage of calls from 1(888)683-0142. Typically, scam numbers might call once or twice, but this one was persistent, calling me six times in quick succession. Deciding to investigate, I unblocked the number to see what the caller wanted. A person, claiming to be a FIDO agent but lacking professionalism, instructed me to contact him once the phone arrived. He offered to assist with activating the new iPhone and with the return of the incorrect one via Canada Post. I agreed to his request but, preferring not to engage further and to save time, I blocked the number again shortly after.
In the afternoon of March 16, upon reviewing my account, I noticed a finance payment listed for the iPhone 15 Pro Max 1TB. Interestingly, there was no such payment for the 512GB version, which seemed odd and only served to diminish my confidence in FIDO's system. Logically, I would have expected the finance payment to apply to the 512GB model, not the 1TB one, given the circumstances. This discrepancy added to my growing concerns about how the situation was being handled.
On Monday, March 18, I was surprised to receive two new phones at the same time. Faced with the task of returning one, I only found a Purolator return label in my email, which lacked a specific destination. Recalling a previous chat on March 15 where a FIDO agent mentioned Canada Post for returns, I sought clarification through "AskJack." The agent confirmed that Purolator was indeed correct, dispelling my initial belief in Canada Post. Given my cautious nature, I probed further about the finance payment being assigned to the 1TB phone instead of the 512GB model, and the monthly rate being $45.9, not the $48.9 initially quoted. The agent affirmed the accuracy of these details, explaining the presence of a separate $75.31 monthly charge for the 512GB phone, which was not initially disclosed, and a $95.22 charge for the 1TB phone on top of the plan, effectively obscuring the phone charge in the FIDO app. Exhausted by the complexities of this deal, I requested to return both phones and revert to my original plan (better plan). The agent instructed me to use the provided Purolator tracking number for the return and mentioned that a supervisor would contact me within the next three business days at 1(888)481-3436. I informed the agent of my intention to keep the chat log for records, ensuring I had documentation of our conversation.
I decided to hold off on returning the phones right away, opting to wait for a call back from the FIDO supervisor at the official number, 1(888)481-3436. However, no such call came through; instead, my phone was inundated with numerous scam calls, a significant increase from the one or two scam calls I used to receive daily. Now, it's escalated to more than ten scam calls a day.
On the afternoon of March 22, seeking resolution, I reached out through "AskJack" once more. This time, the agent advised me to initiate the call myself, as it seemed unlikely that a manager would contact me as promised. Following their suggestion, I attempted to call FIDO, only to find that they were closed, their business hours ending at 5:00 PM MST on Fridays.
On the morning of March 23, I contacted the FIDO support center at 1(888)481-3436, requesting to speak directly with a supervisor. Initially met with resistance from the agent, who explained he couldn't simply transfer my call, I spent 30 minutes explaining my predicament. Eventually, he grasped the severity of my situation and revealed a crucial piece of information: FIDO does not conduct promotions over the phone. He advised me to return both iPhones using the provided Purolator label, assuring its safety.
However, upon finally being transferred to a supervisor after a lengthy wait, I was met with a contradiction. The supervisor informed me that the Purolator method was incorrect; FIDO exclusively uses Canada Post for returns, complete with a provided address and PO#. The FIDO supervisor is going to provide me two Canada Post return labels. Each label is for one phone only. The label will be email to me shortly, which I never receive this email. Due the the a stark departure from the initial instructions and to document this conversation, I requested the supervisor email me all the details, emphasizing the importance of having an official record from a FIDO domain, not an unfamiliar one. Yet, she informed me that their system prohibits email correspondence in such matters, offering only a case number as a form of documentation. She assured me that upon receipt of the returned phones, they would proceed to revert my plan. Regrettably, this conversation wasn't recorded, leaving me with just the case number as proof of our interaction.
By 18:51 on March 25, I hadn't received any Canada Post return label or any relevant email, yet an unexpected email arrived from FIDO stating that "a new PIN" had been created for my account. Attempting to log in to the FIDO app and website to consult "AskJack," I discovered my account was suspended. Unsuccessful in reaching anyone through the 1(888)-481-3436 number, I decided to visit a FIDO store directly for assistance.
Upon discussing the situation with a FIDO store representative, I was met with a dismissive reaction and a smile. The agent suggested that I had fallen victim to a scam, emphasizing his point by noting that the initial contact number, 1(888)-481-3436, was flagged as a scam number upon searching Google, with a Reddit post titled "new scam call never seen before : Rogers" appearing as a top result. Despite my insistence that this was the official support number for FIDO, the agent remained adamant that it was a scam. Frustrated, I showed him the contact information listed on the FIDO website for verification. However, he stood by his assertion and advised me to dial 611 for support, indicating there was nothing further he could do to assist me in the store.
On the morning of March 26, I reached out to a FIDO agent through the "AskJack" feature. The agent expressed regret over the fraudulent situation but stated they were unable to revert my plan back to the original "$27.25 with 80GB data" or offer me "the free iPhone with $48.9 with 80GB data" deal. This left me wondering about my next steps and whether I would have to purchase the phone. After a five-minute wait with no further response, the agent disconnected, ending the conversation and preventing me from saving the chat history. I attempted to contact an agent again via "AskJack," only to be told once more that they were powerless to help. They mentioned that the fraud department would contact me via an unknown number and advised me to unblock all numbers to ensure communication. However, I was skeptical about this assurance, recalling a promise from a conversation on March 18 that went unfulfilled. Consequently, I decided to directly contact the fraud department 1-888-764-3771 myself.
In my opinion, this offer is too good to believe, but I have the following concern and questions:

Is it possible for a scammer to dispatch phones from FIDO to me, utilizing only my email and address through FIDO's system, assuming the scammer have access to my name and other details from the black market?
What is the scammer's motive for sending me the phones? It seems more logical that they could have simply redirected the phones to themselves using my account details.
Why does FIDO seem indifferent to this issue? Are they profiting from the victims' losses?
Is 1-888-482-3436 a scam number? Despite the FIDO store representative's insistence that it is, this number is officially listed on FIDO's website under their contact information for home phone services.
Given the untrusted of the number 1-888-482-3436 , I attempted to reach FIDO through the "AskJack" feature. The FIDO "AskJack" agent recommended returning the phones via Purolator, while his supervisor was adamant that I should be sent back through Canada Post(Same as the unprofessional Scamer). Who should I trust?
So far, FIDO appears to be the only party benefiting from this situation. The scammer didn't get the phone, and I've lost my original contract and personal information. Should I stop using FIDO and block FIDO monthly payment from bank account?

Personal Analysis of Interest Relationships:

For FIDO: Successfully upgraded the customer's plan and facilitated the sale of a phone via financing. The customer may not notice the finance charges until the following month due to FIDO inconspicuous&hidden placement on both the website and FIDO app.
For Scammer: Gained access to FIDO's system, reaching out to customers through the support center and "AskJack." Tried to deceive both FIDO agents and users into sending phones to incorrect addresses and sold customer information.
For Customer: Tempted by an appealing deal but was unable to revert to the original contract. In addition, resulting in the loss of personal information.

Dear brothers in righteousness, this post is about exactly what the title sounds like. It is meant for the brothers and sisters who're trying to quite and refrain from porn but are facing difficulties and have relapsed before.For a sin like pornography and masturbation, the biggest thing that makes this sin so incredibly difficult to permanently overcome in this day and age is its easy accessibility. Such content is 'within the reach of your hand'. Willpower & determination to quit is necessary and the starting step but that alone may not be sufficient for most of us. Therefore, I created a system of a complete firewall which eliminates accessibility to porn by and large. The idea is: if you can't access pornographic content, you literally cannot relapse. To implement this system fully/even partially, you need determination & willingness but after the system is put in place, what's required is just maintaining the firewall. For context, I have 3 devices (phone, tablet & laptop). I basically blocked access via the following steps:
i)Downloaded a parental control app on all my devices and bought a subscription (For me, it was Qustodio). Then I made an account and attached my 3 devices to the parental account. The subscription is necessary to block apps and while the subscription will cost you about 30-40 USD a year, as long as you have money to pay, the subscription is more than worth it, especially for such a noble cause.
ii)Blocked "Pornography" and "Entertainment" categories for all 3 devices via the parental control app. This would automatically prevent you from accessing most platforms of adult content but some loopholes remain and so the following steps needed to be taken.
iii)Block the following apps (and their websites) on my 3 devices: Facebook, Telegram, Reddit, Google Play Store, Google Play, Youtube and existing alternative browsers like Aloha Browser. I did so because unfortunately it is possible to access adult content via these apps (for instance, one may download an alternative browser via google play store and access adult content via it altho their device is under parental control supervision). The way i blocked each of these apps is that i blocked them 'as an app' via Qustodio (Ex. Telegram app) and then i blocked their websites (Ex. reddit.com )
Note: If your device has browsers like Samsung Internet, galaxy Store or iphone Internet, block them too via the parental control app. For Youtube Music, if you find that any kind of adult videos can be accessed via it, strongly consider blocking it. i blocked it on my phone & tablet but not my laptop cos Safesearch is somehow enforced on Youtube Music for my laptop so blocking not needed.
iv)Block all websites via which one can download alternative browsers, VPNs, and read pornographic material in written form (i.e. erotica books). For each of these categories, I googled keywords like "List of alternative web browsers/VPNs" and "how to read XYZ erotica book online free". For each of these searches, I copy pasted all the links/websites UNTIL the search result said "No more results to show" (Reaching this stage takes maybe 1-1.5 hours and is important to make the firewall impenetrable) The erotica books i did this for were the 3 books in fifty shades trilogy and 2 books from the Indebted Series. After copying all the links into a Google Keep/Drive folder (somewhere), i individually blocked each of these websites for each of my 3 devices. There were about 400ish websites in total (slightly lower) and doing this for each of my devices took about 4 hours.
2 Notes:
-There are 100s of other pornographic books you can access BUT as long as you block the websites for just the 2 books' series that I did, your internet is safe because ALMOST ALL the websites via which one can read pornography in written form are the same. This means that as long as you follow above instructions, you are in effect blocking all the websites via which you can access pornography in written form, not just the 2 adult book series I mentioned above.
-I also blocked about 5-10 websites for watching movies free online (cos one may access adult content via these means too) but doing this is really not extensive since blocking the "Entertainment" category previously would ensure that free movie/show watching websites get blocked automatically.

vi) Handed over my parental control account in Qustodio to my older sister and asked her to change the email account and password. I do not know the new email account and password for the account and that's the point. The person you hand over control of the account to must either operate the firewall using the parental control app's website or the app itself. For instance, my sister has Qusodio's parental control app on her phone or she can use Qustodio's web portal too. This step is VERY important because as long as you have direct access to the 'Control Panel' which is blocking avenues of watching adult content, you risk unblocking these avenues when you're feeling tempted. I must clarify that Islam allows us to confide in others about our sins IF doing so can help/is expected to help us overcome these sins. Hence, if that is your intention before confiding, don't worry as you won't be sinful for sharing about your sins. You may engage the help of either a family member (Ex. Sibling) or a very close friend ('homie' lol) to perform this step. The embarassment will naturally be there but know that you will be facing this embarassment for the sake of obeying Allah (SWT).

vii) Maintain the block. This involves
-Temporarily unblocking telegram to deal with urgent & important academic communication (My Uni degree's academic chats are conveyed via telegram). When i Unblocked, I tried unblocking under 'control conditions' to prevent relapsing. So on the day i temporarily unblocked, I ensured I wasn't staying at home and/or that I went to the gym (thereby eliminating loneliness and idleness, 2 causes of relapsing)
-Unblocking harmless websites that the parental control's algorithm mistakenly categorizes as unsafe. For example, if you're writing a paper on children's toys and in your research process, you enter a (useful) educational website that the algorithm mistakenly blocked, you can ask your friend/sibling (whom you entrusted with the parental control account) to unblock that website.

viii)Transferring Academic Chats From Telegram to Whatsapp (Additional Step that May/May Not Apply to You)
For context, I'm a university student and the primary academic communication about my degree happens via telegram. As such, I transferred the academic chats for group projects (4-5 members) from telegram to whatsapp and asked a friend to keep me informed on important updates and information conveyed in the main degree chat with all my classmates. That way, no matter how important telegram is for your day-to-day living, you can technically get by WITHOUT actually using it. This step involved asking my goup mates if they would be okay with moving over to whatsapp and fortunately they agreed. Note: If you think sharing the reason why you're asking them to move to telegram is necessary for them to agree to move, feel free to do so without hesitation. You're not sinful for it and if you're asking guys, they would understand. If you're facing a similar situation where a platform you use is important for your day-to-day life but it grants access to pornography, step 8 is for you to see and believe that where there's a will, there's a way. It's up to you to figure out the 'practical details' of that way.
Question: WHY Should Any Muslim Bother With Undertaking Such an Extensive Process just to Quit Porn & Masturbation?
i)The simple answer is that Allah (SWT) will reward you for it. I would like to share a verse of the Quran and one Hadith that might help inspire you.
“Verily, you will never leave anything for the sake of Allah Almighty but that Allah will replace it with something better for you.”
Source: Musnad Ahmad 23074
"As for those who struggle in Our cause, We will surely guide them along Our Way. And Allah is certainly with the good-doers."
Surah Al-Ankabut Verse 69

You can also read this post for inspiration: https://www.reddit.com/islam/comments/c61tfj/the_honor_you_attain_when_you_abstain_from_porn/
ii) Depending on self-control and discipline alone can only make you go so far. Yes, you can control yourself, embrace some replacement habits like gymming/exercising and do everything necessary to prevent you from watching porn and relapsing. And you can succeed for 20 days, 50 days, 100 days or a year. But are self-control and discipline 'alone' enough to keep you away from porn permanently on a long-lasting basis? Might not be. And this might be true even for the best of us. Therefore, putting a firewall over your internet is extremely important, if not necessary.

iii)Porn is so contagious and tempting that as long as loopholes remain for you to watch it via, you are prone to exploiting those loopholes and relapsing anyway. That's why it appears necessary to go ALL THE WAY in fighting against this sin.

*Notes & Disclaimers:-
-Don't have the mindset that you don't need to do what is necessary to quit porn because you're not "addicted/'you don't watch it too much/uncontrollably/too often/any other reason". It's not a question of IF you're addicted or not. It's a question of WHETHER you watch at all or not.
-Implementing such a firewall system can appear drastic and too much/unnecessary. Others might even tell you this if they found out. But here's the thing: whether it appears drastic/too much or not depends largely on the viewer's own habits. So, it is bound to appear drastic to a few groups of people:those who've (implicitly) accepted watching porn as a part of life, those who don't think watching porn is actually bad to begin with and those who think not watching porn at all is not possible in this day and age. For each of these groups, their current habits and practices don't align with undertaking any major extensive steps to fight porn (cos they ain't doing much right now to 'not watch' porn). Additionally, they don't really know anybody around them taking major 'drastic' steps to stay away from porn. Hence, the idea of implementing such an extensive firewall would naturally appear as not just drastic and too much but maybe even an 'alien' idea. Understandable. Just try to move beyond this initial impression of a firewall.
-Update your firewall as you go through life. This means that if you come across an XYZ app giving pornographic access or a pornographic website that you can access, ensure you get that specific website/app blocked.
- One thing that helped me build this system is the realization that i don't 'need' the internet as it is. I don't 'need' to have my internet unfiltered and free for me to do my studies/carry out my professional work. I don't 'need' to have access to an app for my life to function normally. Yes, I may experience minor inconveniences once in a while but they aren't life disrupting. They don't threaten my daily functioning. Most importantly, these restrictions don't handicap me at all (unlike what anyone who doesn't have these restrictions would assume).
My final message: Where there's a will, there's a way. My dear brother, it's time to strive for the sake of Allah (SWT) for this cause, even if a bit inconvenient. Jazakallah Khair

I just don’t know what to do. I see stories and sayings “they always come back” “they never come back” “if they cared, they’d do something” “if they thought of you, they’d reach out” etc.
Like that’s basically what she’s doing but behind my back. 16 weeks of no contact, and throughout it, i have heard she has asked people i know “is he ok? How is he? Is he dating anyone? Has he talked about me?”
Then she unblocked me twice, without saying anything to me. I’m still blocked. But At some point, i got a notification that my IG account was logged in by an iPhone in her city, and we live in two different cities.
She also out of nowhere liked a photo and unliked it right away. But i still have screenshots of these moments. She didn’t do this all in one go, she did this separately throughout the 16 weeks no contact. It just makes me paranoid on what’s going on
She broke up with me, made it a situationship for 9 months, went on to date someone she didn’t even like, at first telling me she really liked this person and they were better than me, but after a honeymoon phase and the guy apparently saying “i love you” to early and rushing shit, it fell apart and she immediately ghosted him, the guy even reached out to me telling me off that i was the reason she broke up with him, that she just went back to me. But she didn’t
Last time we talked, she called me an abuser, a manipulator, and overall bad in our 7 year relationship. I don’t understand why. She still cried over the phone, she still expressed some laughs and joy over the phone to talk to me again. She admitted to missing how things were and wished it worked out. But that apparently she doesn’t love me. Saying she keeps telling herself this is for the best and that she’s happier right now
But she even still left me with “I’ll call you here and there to check up on you and catch up” but it’s been 16 weeks and all i’ve seen is, yes, she checks up on me, but uses third party methods, without directly talking to me. She also said she was seeing someone when she reached out to me. So honestly I don’t see that relationship lasting either if she is honestly putting all of this energy into me. I don’t have the strength to block her. I still wanna talk to her and just have fun like we used to. I keep fighting the urge to reach out and ask her why she is doing this

For iOS users, finding a VPN that balances the stringent security standards of Apple's ecosystem with the desire for privacy, unrestricted internet access, and no cost can be a tough endeavor. Free VPNs for iOS can enhance your online privacy, secure your data on unsecured Wi-Fi networks, and help access geo-blocked content. However, it's crucial to select a VPN that is both effective and respects your privacy. This guide explores the top free VPN services for iOS devices, considering factors such as data allowances, server availability, privacy policies, and ease of use.
Why iOS Users Need a VPN

Enhanced Online Privacy: Keep your online activities private from ISPs, marketers, and potential data breaches.
Secure Public Wi-Fi Connections: Protect your data from cyber threats on unsecured public Wi-Fi networks.
Access Geo-Restricted Content: Unblock content and services not available in your region, including streaming platforms.
Bypass Censorship: Circumvent internet restrictions and censorship in certain countries or networks.

Top Free VPNs for iOS: A Detailed Look

ProtonVPN: Unlimited Data with a Focus on Privacy ProtonVPN stands out for offering unlimited data on its free plan, making it an excellent choice for iOS users who consume a lot of data for browsing, streaming, or downloading.

Key Features: Strong encryption, no-logs policy, and secure core servers for additional protection.
Server Access: Free users have access to servers in three countries, including the United States, Netherlands, and Japan.
Pros: Unlimited data; prioritizes user privacy; iOS app is user-friendly and easy to navigate.
Cons: Limited server locations; may experience slower speeds due to server load.

Windscribe: Generous Data Allowance and Advanced Features Windscribe offers 10GB of free data per month for those who confirm their email, with additional data available through promotions. It is known for its robust security features and flexible settings.

Key Features: Includes an ad blocker, firewall, and allows for P2P connections, with strong encryption protocols.
Server Access: Free users can connect to servers in 10 countries, providing a good range of options for bypassing geo-restrictions.
Pros: High data allowance; comprehensive security features; supports P2P.
Cons: Monthly data cap might be restrictive for some users; some servers might be slow.

Hide.me: Strong Privacy Features with Moderate Data Cap Hide.me offers 10GB of free data per month, focusing on user privacy with a no-logs policy and strong encryption. It is a solid option for iOS users looking for both security and performance.

Key Features: Auto-reconnect, split tunneling, and support for multiple protocols, including IKEv2 and OpenVPN.
Server Access: Provides free users with access to five server locations around the world.
Pros: Decent data allowance; strong focus on privacy; user-friendly iOS app.
Cons: Limited server options for free users; data cap may be insufficient for heavy streaming.

Selecting the Right Free VPN for Your iOS Device
When choosing a free VPN for your iPhone or iPad, consider the following to ensure you're making an informed decision:

Data Limits: Understand how the VPN's data allowance fits with your typical usage, especially if you plan to use it for data-intensive activities like streaming.
Server Locations: More server locations can provide better access to geo-restricted content and typically offer faster connection speeds.
Privacy and Security: Look for VPNs with a no-logs policy and strong encryption to ensure your online activities and data remain private and secure.
Ease of Use: The VPN should offer a straightforward iOS app that makes it easy to connect to servers, change settings, and manage your VPN connection.

Conclusion
While free VPNs can offer a significant level of convenience and protection for iOS users, they often come with certain limitations, such as data caps and fewer server locations. For users with higher security needs or who require more consistent access to geo-restricted content, exploring premium VPN options may provide a more satisfactory solution. Nevertheless, the free VPN services listed in this guide offer reputable and user-friendly options for enhancing your online privacy and security on iOS devices without incurring additional costs.

Can anyone just put in their two cents here?
My ex, 7 years together, broke up with me in May 2023. It spiraled into a large situationship that ended up hurting the both of us, but regardless, it never felt like she really meant “I don’t love you anymore” she always showed some sort of sign that she still felt so much for me
She moved on with another guy and left him within a month, hiding to me that she was ever with anyone else, and learning that she essentially cheated on him with me. It wasn’t right after we broke up, it was like 4 month after we broke up, so I don’t really think it was anything she planned, but again who knows
She eventually got dark and went no contact for a month, but came back, still feeling tearful for our relationship, admitting to missing how we were and wished it worked out, but that she didn’t love me. She ended up calling me an abuser and a manipulator, saying our 7 years together was traumatic for her
What’s more salt on the wound, she told me she was seeing someone in that moment, so of course it all felt worse to essentially feel like she was just trying to get with a bunch of guys
But apart of me feels like it isn’t true, cuz she said “if i told you i was with someone, would that help you move on?” With me asking “would you lie to just make me move on” but she didn’t answer me there. She had told me a couple days later that she was talking to someone. So I don’t know
What’s worse, she still said “I’ll call you here and there to catch up and check up on you, but thats it” and then blocked me. It’s been 13 weeks with no contact, but it has not been completely silent. 4 weeks in, i hear that she keeps talking to people i know to ask about me and ask if I’m with anyone or if I’m still talking to some girl she really hates and in case I’ve gone with her
8 weeks in, i get notified that my IG account was logged in by an iPhone from her city (we live in different cities) at like 2 AM and she unblocked me. Coincidentally the same week, the people she would constantly ask about me ended up blocking her and ignoring her
And just last week, i get notified that she unblocked me and liked a photo but just unliked it, blocking me the next morning. All at like 2 AM. I didn’t say anything of course but fuck man, i don’t know what to do with this information anymore. I don’t wanna block her, i just wanna talk to her again. I Miss everything about her. She was normally obsessed with me during our relationship, but seeing her do this kinda stuff after she was the one who ended all of our time together is just so annoying.
What’s even going on with her

Typing the above literally is hammering in how insane this is but I wanted other perspectives on this anyways. Firstly, I have had an iPhone for the past ~11 years. Recently I switched careers that semi-required I build an online portfolio (I am a hairstylist and posting photos on Instagram is a great way to build clientele) of my work. The camera quality on my iPhone was terrible. I have friends that have Androids, specifically Google Pixels, and I have always been envious of the quality of their photos. As my iPhone was on its last legs, and I was due for an upgrade, I decided what the hell, let's make the switch. Also change is fun and exciting.
Now, I was in a group chat with three of my friends, Leo (M, 28), Mark (M, 29), and Jared (M, 32). Jared and I became friends years ago when he lived in my city, and he introduced me to Mark. The three of us became friends, sort of a trio. I met Leo when I moved into my current apartment a couple years ago, he was a neighbor, and we immediately hit it off. Right after COVID Jared moved to the east coast (USA) with his boyfriend, and last year Leo moved out west. Mark still lives in my city. Leo met and is friends with Mark, they met when the three of us were all living in the same city, Leo and Jared met when Leo and I visited and stayed with Jared last year and they made friends, albeit mostly virtually due to never having lived in the same city at the same time. For context, all four of us are gay men and our group chat is heavily centered on pop culture, internet humor etc. The group chat is fairly active on a daily basis and it's a lot of fun!
That's why this has been so bizarre. A couple days ago I told them I was getting a new phone and then announced that I was getting an Android. Now, I knew this would be annoying as the group chat would now feature green texts, an inability to heart/thumbs up/laugh react to messages, and another inability to facetime. 1) the internet is vast technology abounds- there are several other platforms. Mainly we could've had a group chat on Instagram, Twitter, etc. 2) I can admit I relished a little bit in fucking up the vibe of the group chat. This is a group where we like to annoy each other. We would all admit that.
But lord almighty did they get their knickers in a goddamn twist Jesus h Christ. Mark especially sent paragraphs of texts about how annoying android users are, how he mutes any and all group chats that have a single android user, and that I was killing the group chat. Jared and Leo concurred with this. I explained I had already ordered/purchased the phone and that this was happening, and I explained my reasoning ie that it was business related. They did not budge.
Yesterday I get the phone- radio silence from all three. Save to say that I killed the group chat. I don't pay much attention to it because I'm busy exploring my new phone etc. Also, the sense that they were being overly dramatic was overpowering. Cut to today, I'm still getting the silent treatment. I tried making a group chat on Twitter, they all leave. I text them individually, nothing. Finally Mark calls me, laughing, and says they have a group chat with just them, and Jared even went so far as to block my number. I laughed along with him and was basically like, "haha okay well tell him he has 5 mins to unblock me haha"; playing it off.
But the more I thought about it the more hurt and pissed off I got. Like seriously? It's a fucking software format change. Big deal? Like oh my god grow up?? I've been made to feel very expendable in this friend group, and I'm not entirely sure I want to be friends with people that would do this. Like I'm sure this is a bit, but I feel it's gone too far? To be iced out completely? Because I don't have an iPhone? Because it's 3v1 my instinct is to feel that I am in the wrong, but my perception is that they have picked an incredibly benign hill to die on and at the expense of my feelings.
Added context: I can't think of anything I could've done or said to angehurt any of them to serve as a real reason for this treatment; and that getting an android is just a convenient vessel for them to drop me as a friend. Also, my mom (lol yes I cried to my mom about it and she does know all of them personally) floated the idea that maybe they're doing this as a setup to surprise me for my birthday this weekend, as in Leo and Jared, who live out of town would visit/surprise me. Wishful thinking most likely.
Anyways I just wanted to float this out there, get some unbiased and objective POVs on this. Even as a lifelong iPhone user I can't fathom reacting like this? It's so over the top to me? But maybe I'm desensitized to green text bubbles because I have several close friends with Androids. Thanks!

My Girlfriends iPhone was purchased by her ex partner using the apple finance agreement which ends in April this year. She has paid him via direct debit monthly since the contract started so although in his name, she has paid the full amount each month and will continue to do so until it has been fully paid off in April.
She received a notification saying that she could trade in the phone to receive a discount on the next which is great, but every time she goes to proceed it sends a confirmation code to her ex to verify the existing Barclays Bank Loan. She does not speak to her ex, she had blocked him on everything, she unblocked him to see if he would give this over but he has her blocked on everything. I knew both when they were together and since we got together he has been a real ass with messages to us both so I do not want to message him either.
The Phone being under his name has been an issue a few times but this is the only time we would really want to get help with it. We tried looking at how long was left on the finance agreement a little while back but as we are not the person the finance plan was made under, we were not able to do so. We just had a look at when my Girlfriend made the first payment and worked it out from there.
True, first port of call would be to go to Apple themselves, but I'm sure this would be a breach of GDPR for them to pass over this information.

I drive for rideshare. Pretty sure we all know which one. While in the waiting lot, there could be hundreds upon hundreds upon hundreds of us and I would say maybe three of those are female. I am one of those females. So the lot can get quite interesting with a bunch of sexist man who like to come over and tell us how we're supposed to be doing things.
This one guy comes over and I won't say he's a great guy but lesser of two evils sort of deal. Tolerable enough to talk to. (I'm not against men in general, just this particular crowd is not the best).
We talked for a bit and he eventually asked if I want to go get some lunch with him, sure why not. Especially since he insisted on paying because that's what men do he said. He proceeds to tell me the entire time how I can't have breakfast for lunch and I shouldn't eat carbs because I'm a woman and I shouldn't drink soda cuz it's going to make me fatter etc etc etc etc.
I barely tolerate it because I was listening to some tips and tricks from him on how to supposedly be more efficient and make more money. Spoiler alert: he was only actively working about a third of the time he claimed to be working and put more miles on his car than he also claimed because he only did airport and will always drive back empty-handed)
I saw him several days later and he literally went out and bought me an iPhone saying it was better than my android. Claimed no strings attached. I knew that was BS and refused to get rid of my Android but I was curious what the strings were. I kind of like to see these things long enough to see what the catch is.
Next day he starts demanding how I need to turn on the tracking so that he can always see where I am. He claims it's because it's my safety because as a woman I could get killed doing rideshare and therefore he wants to know where I am all the time. Obviously I refused this.
Fast forward and fast forward and I keep missing him at the waiting lot because I was going to give him back the phone. But he's constantly texting me giving me these tips and tricks and tell me what days of surge but he's also be rating me if I'm not working 24 hours a day and be ready me for not being up at 3:00 in the morning and berating me for taking off one day of the week etc. I only didn't block him because I felt obligated to return the phone.
One morning he texted me about a buddy of his who took a lot of rides down to the airport for all this businessy stuff and how he would pay $100 for the same type of trip that the rideshare would only give me about 35 for and that he always tipped well and blah blah blah. I figured hey sure why not plus he said that he couldn't do it cuz he was taking another buddy to the airport at the same time so we will be at the airport lot at the same time which means I could finally give him back his phone and then block him.
Over the next two days before the trip, he spammed the shit out of me suddenly changing his mind about things. Oh now his buddy needed me to be there an hour earlier. Now his buddy wanted me to have his car as a certain temperature. Now his buddy demanded that I have the car cleaned into your exterior right before picking him up. Now his buddy says that I have to buy fresh water bottles of smart water for him good now is Buddy says I have to go buy official receipt papers in order to write out the receipt so he can submit it to his business to get the money back from the rideshare. And every single time he sends these warnings about how I better not fuck it up because he would be the one blamed.
Cue petty revenge....and this one is a two-parter!!
Petty Revenge Part One:
Knowing that his buddy always left for the airport about 2 hours prior to when he needed to be, I kept acting like I was seriously going to pick his buddy up. I didn't. Didn't even read all the messages asking if I was on my way and why it was late and that I hadn't shown up etc etc. While I knew his buddy probably didn't deserve that, I knew that this asshole would get blamed because he was the one responsible for the ride. I also knew his buddy had plenty of time to call for another ride and still make his plane so a minor inconvenience at most. I left the original asshole unblocked just because I was dying of laughter of all the panic he was going through. It was like the stages of grief. From depression to anger and it was bargaining in there and pleading and disbelief thinking I was just joking and I was actually there and all this stuff.
Petty Revenge Part Two:
Did you forget I still had his super expensive iPhone? Here's the even better part. I don't know why but for some reason his iPhone account was under his mother's name. So while he apparently could buy new phones, he couldn't exchange or change anything on the account. I knew this because he had lost his old iPhone and he wasn't able to redeem the warranty or whatever it was. His mother by the way was not quite all there in the head and was unable to leave the house and go with him. I don't know all the details of how the whole iPhone thing account works but I know that it was under his mother's name.
So I went to an Apple store a couple of towns away when I was over there and I claimed that I had found this lost iPhone. I told them I didn't know who it belonged to. They said no problem they would contact the owner. Except here's just the cherry on top of the icing. The only phone number registered for the lost or whatever was the one on the phone that the guy had previously lost. He never added the new phone numbers, even though you think Apple would have automatically done so, because he wasn't allowed to without his mother being there. This is why he had to create a whole new Apple ID because he couldn't get his back because Apple could only verify the account and information from the original phone number from the phone he didn't have in the first place.
I even asked the person at the Apple store what would happen if the only phone number on the account for contact wasn't usable or accessible. He assured me that as long as the account owner came in then they could look up the account and find the phone for them. Just to double double make sure I asked what if the account holders relative or husband or wife came in. They said only if they were on the account
He wasn't
This was about 2 years ago and I bet he still never got his phone back

Me and my BPD gf have been back and steady (mostly) for a while.
I’m on a 10 day business trip and last night she finally decides she’s horny and wants me. “Let’s do a FaceTime when you get to your hotel room”.
Yes , let’s ! She doesn’t have an iPhone so… we had to unblock each other from Instagram.
I connect with her video call and her demeanor has drastically changed.
She scrolled my page and saw a video where I’m at a Vegas concert with another girl. This was taken and posted after a brutal discard in October.
Now she feels sick and hates the idea of touching me.
I love how she dumps me and does whatever the f she wants and then wants to interrogate me about a concert selfie with another girl (I finally decided to stop sitting in pain waiting on her to unblock me back then and I was invited on a date by a pretty girl). During that break up I found out she hung out with a family friend she was intimate with at the same time I originally started my relationship with her.
She’s saying she has a bad selection of men implying that I’m a bad person for going to a concert with a girl after I was horrifically dumped for no reason.
These people are so self-centered and immature. In the court of public opinion , when someone trashes and dumps someone they have no right to be upset about an innocent concert date when they’re single. She is something else.
Other note: I trust that she did not mess with this guy sexually because of his looks but my point to her was I DON’T KNOW FOR SURE just like you don’t know about the Vegas girl (I didn’t even kiss her or anything )

Get a new or an old Iphone or Ipad that has never been used with apple pay cash.
Verify 1 of the accounts via apple pay cash. It has to match the name and address on a driver license and the phone.
Once verified make another new accont on the same iphone/ipad if it let. If not get a new phone or ipad. U can verify if u want if not u dont have to. Text me on telegram @jacback for more infos
Get a cc or debit log with email access and add it to apple pay. Once u have that verified via bank or email access u can now send cash from the debit or cc.
Two ways of adding money 1st way is to go to apple pay cash on the account the cc or debit is on and click add money and its gone ask how much. If verified add $1500 if not verified add $450. Once money is added u can go to imessage and send to your other account via your money in apple pay cash. If you wanna join my telegram channel for more click https://t.me/coverofseriousnesspayschannel
The second way is to send straight to that person via imessage instead of adding it to that account.
You can make 3 profiles per phone or ipad so just repeat steps. Apple DOES NOT charge back so once u want to withdraw funds u can add your bank account and send to that account. Can take 2-3 days to get deposited.
TIPS: I suggest u get a tlo on the person who card it is just incase it get blocked u can call the bank and get it unblocked if u have 2 any questions or anything i missed ask me

I have had a prepaid phone line with AT&T since around 2013. Prior to that I had a postpaid phone line with AT&T since 2002. I briefly switched from postpaid AT&T to T-Mobile in 2013 before switching back to prepaid AT&T.
My daughter needed a phone last year so I got her a postpaid plan so we could get a new iPhone 12. I switched my sim card to the iPhone 12 and placed hers in my old iPhone 8 because I was wary she would break it. The iPhone 12 was on an installment plan.
Fast forward to last week and my daughter broke her iPhone 8. I went to the local authorized AT&T retailer to see if there were any upgrade options. The only options were to port my prepaid phone number to postpaid, then after 90 days I would be eligible for an upgrade. That was too long to wait.
The other option was to pay off her iPhone 12 and then get a new iPhone 14 on an installment plan for $5/month. The payoff was $350. I did a quick search on amazon for iPhone 12s and saw them in the $300-350 range and figured it was a better deal to do the payoff and get an iPhone 14.
This time around they disabled my sim card and activated an esim with my phone number on the iPhone 14. They then activated an esim with my daughter’s number on the iPhone 12. Everything worked and I went home satisfied. The rep must have asked for my driver’s license no fewer than a dozen times.
However I had no idea the shitstorm I was in for over the next week.
Three days later I received three texts in a row at night about the Unpaid Device Message:

Unpaid Device Message: Hi, it’s AT&T. We had to block the device you're using due to an unpaid AT&T installment plan. Move your SIM to a different device to avoid interruption to your service. If we have your email address on file, we sent you the steps to fix the issue. To learn more, go to www.att.com/support/article/wireless/KM1509747

I went the following morning to the AT&T store. The same rep that had helped me buy the new phone was there so he helped me out again. I explained the situation and left my drivers license out on the table.
Both my daughter’s postpaid and my prepaid accounts were in my name and current so he believed I should be able to use the iPhone 14. He called AT&T prepaid (which from my experience is basically like a whole other company) and after some explanation they were able to get the phone unblocked.
I went home and the next morning woke up again to the Unpaid Device Message and my phone was again blocked. I’m blessed to have a work-from-home job and also had the wisdom to take my work laptop with me. I arrived at the AT&T store right at 9am, setup my laptop and left my driver’s license on the table.
The AT&T store advised that the only way to keep the message from showing would be to transfer my number from prepaid to postpaid onto the same account as my daughter’s. After some bundling discounts my total monthly payment would stay the same, so I agreed. A back-and-forth between the store rep, prepaid and various other departments took place for over an hour after which a call-center rep advised the store employee to call Credits and Activations.
The store rep advised that calling Credits and Activations would not help and told me to go to the nearest corporate store and that they have more authority to handle the issue. So I drove over to the nearest corporate store. I had to wait about an hour before it was my turn to be seen around 11am.
I explained the situation, setup my laptop and handed over my drivers license. The rep seemed super diligent and on-top-of-things and went off making calls again to various departments trying to figure out how to transfer my prepaid line to postpaid. One issue complicating things is that my phone number was a Northern CA area code while my daughter’s was a Southern CA area code.
Finally around 2pm they had me go through an Analyst Review which would serve as the gateway to transferring my prepaid number to postpaid. They asked me questions about my parent’s birthdates.
My parents immigrated here from a foreign country and their birthdates on their passports/drivers licenses are not the same days that we celebrate. I didn’t realize this until later and missed these questions and failed the Analyst Review.
Aside from not knowing my parent’s birth dates, I have perfect credit, have never missed a payment on anything in my life, own my home, and am employed.
Now it was 3pm and the rep advised me to call the Loyalty Department and ask for the Office of the President. I told him I couldn’t do that because my phone was blocked. They couldn’t find a direct number to the loyalty department and I believe they had me call the main AT&T line. The rep who helped me went off to lunch.
I didn’t know how to reach the operatoagent initially and followed the prompts and entered my prepaid phone number. I was connected to prepaid, someone talking to me in a thick foreign accent, and asked them for the Loyalty Department and the Office of the President.
The prepaid rep told me that $65 is due. I asked him why and he said that my $50 prepaid plan was upgraded to $65 and now a payment of $65 is due. I asked him why it was upgraded and he said the store did it. I told him that my $50 plan is paid until the end of the month and I’d like to stay on that plan. He told me to talk to the store about it. I then asked him for the Loyalty Department and the Office of the President. He put me on hold for 10 minutes and came back with two numbers. When I called the first it went to libertypr.com - which could possibly be AT&T services for Spanish countries. The second number didn’t work.
I hung up and called the main line again. This time I entered my daughter’s phone number so I could get connected to the postpaid customer service. They texted me an ID to verify the phone number and I didn’t have my daughter’s phone on me so that failed.
I hung up again and called back this time barking “operator” and “agent” through 3-4 prompts and I was finally connected to an agent. I explained the situation that I have been at the store for 5 hours trying to transfer my prepaid line to postpaid. I explained how transferring to the prepaid department has not helped and that I am seeking the Office of the President. The agent put me on hold for another 10 minutes and then said that they could not put me through to the Office of the President and that they are not able to open a case to have my line transferred to postpaid and that the prepaid department will have to file a case.
I was again transferred to the prepaid department. I explained the situation again for the umpteenth time. It was now nearly 4pm. The prepaid rep said that they are not able to open a case to transfer my line over to postpaid and that the postpaid department should do so. The prepaid rep asked to speak to the store manager. The store manager said that since the Analyst Check failed that they can’t do anything. The prepaid rep then apparently transferred me to technical support.
Technical support suggested that I try going to another corporate store to see if they can do the Analyst Check again. That didn’t seem like it would work to me. I inquired about returning the iPhone 14 and they said that I am within my 14 day window so that’s what I’m going to do after Christmas.
I am also going to ask about recouping the cost to pay off the iPhone 12 but I’m assuming that is going to be another uphill battle.
In total I basically spent 7 hours at AT&T retail/corporate stores trying to transfer my prepaid phone number to postpaid and was unable to do so.
I feel like the store reps and call-center reps were all trying to do their best job to resolve the situation, but my experience leaves me believing there are severe organizational issues at AT&T:

Almost none of their employees are aware of the Unpaid Device Message blocking policy. Every time a rep/or myself were transferred to a department then the agent was initially unaware of the policy and had to read up on it. If I was aware of this policy myself then I would not have paid off the iPhone 12 or bought the iPhone 14 in the first place.
The AT&T employees themselves do not understand why the policy applies to my situation: I hold both AT&T prepaid and postpaid accounts and everything is current. The policy seems intended for people who sell phones on an installment plan to third parties- that does not apply to my situation. In introducing this policy it appears that AT&T has not thought through all the situations in which it could apply.
AT&T Call Center hell: I can’t believe that AT&T’s process involves store reps calling from stores to back-office departments and that there is no direct way for them to make changes. In this process the store reps often have to wait for call center reps just like normal customers which makes for an extremely tedious process.
AT&T Prepaid: This appears to be a division/separate entity devoted to the Latin American region. The customer service here is a few tiers below the postpaid service.

A month ago, I started receiving "payment declined" emails from Apple and subscriptions due for renewal abruptly ended despite the payment method being my Apple account balance holding sufficient funds. I realized that app and in-app purchases were also failing and that, besides not being able to use the money on my account, I actually couldn’t pay for anything on the App Store anymore since credit cards can only be used after funds in the account balance are emptied.
Turns out Apple placed a purchase block on my account balance with no warning or explanation. I had the customer service submit an unblock request three times. Each time I was assured I would hear back within 48 hours, which didn’t happen.
During the last call I was able to reach a supervisor in the post sales department. I was told that the unblock requests were in fact denied, and that the block was placed after I bought a new iPhone three months ago. This doesn’t make sense to me as there hasn’t been any issue with the purchase and I was able to use my account balance at least once afterwards before it got blocked. The agent said no explanations about the denials could be given to me. They said another unblock request could be submitted but that it might be denied as well, which would mean the block on my account simply could not be removed. I reiterated how critical it is for the issue to be resolved. The agent responded they didn’t have any solution to offer and suggested that I create a new Apple ID.
I didn’t expect Apple to take Apple IDs so lightly and defect from providing much-needed assistance, especially for an issue that’s out of my control. I’d imagine it has to do with a poorly designed anti-fraud system internally within Apple. The experience I’ve gone through could happen to anybody. It goes without saying an Apple ID is not designed to be a replaceable identifier as it’s associated with personal activity and digital purchases that build up over time and can’t be transferred to another account.
I talked to more than a dozen agents on the phone. Some dropped the call. Many were clueless and didn’t know what the account balance is. Most said it was not their responsibility and transferred me to another department back and forth.
Apple needs to put its act together. Such a widespread failure of customer support is unfit for a company seeking extraordinary trust from customers to manage their digital life. The internal systems supporting account balances should be fixed right now, and the customer support overhauled. One of the main operating principles should be to ensure customers are never left out of solutions with their Apple ID.
Has anyone had a similar experience before? What could push Apple to finally remove the block from my account balance? Where may I be able to submit a complaint?
Thanks in advance!

some time ago I found an iphone laying on the floor, when I got home I unlocked it and it was "blocked". To unblock it I need the apple ID and password of the owner of the phone. Now, how can I get rid of the apple ID or wtvr so that I could acctually use the phone and contact the owner?, since absolutely no one is comming for it and its been weeks. (absolutetly not giving it to the police bc its kind of corrupt where I live) any advice is welcome, thanks.

Officially my ipad gonna get unblocked from cb mobile guardiannnnnn on 10 november less gooo....
Im planning to use the ipad to play games and act as a personal assitant to my macbook and also watch singtel go channels at home secretly ( my parents banned me from watching it on tv and i got the password)
Curious to know when u guys pld gonna be unblocked this yr and what are u gonna do with the pld when u can officially legitimately use it PROPERLY ( trade it away, use it...)
Also for the ipad 8 gen model ( pld 128 gb model )how much is the trade in value cos if i find the ipad useless by then i might as well trade it in for an iphone 15 but rn i cant find the serial number that is needed to check

Hi everyone! This is going to be a longggg post, but I would really appreciate any thoughts and especially prayers, because I am truly going thru it rn.
I genuinely don't know where to start, because my whole life feels like there are several different dumpster fires going on all at once right now, but for the sake of simplicity I'm only going to get into the biggest and most recent one that has completely jostled my life, and because of my weakness, is destroying any shred of interior peace I had previously.
Back in October of 2020 a random guy who runs a pretty popular catholic meme page on Instagram DM'd me out of the blue. It was kind of flirty, but I was so caught off guard I didn't know what to make of it. I thought he was cute, funny, and really respected how seriously he took the faith. I responded and really didn't think much of it. A few weeks later he messaged me again and struck up a conversation. Eventually we were chatting pretty frequently and both developed feelings for each other. We both lived several states away, were both in school, and he was seven years older than me (I was only 19 at the time). In hindsight, I see a lot of red flags that I should absolutely NOT have ignored, but I do not regret the relationship at all.
After a couple months of us talking on a daily basis, I decided I really wanted to try to make the relationship work and that I needed to tell my parents- I was legit terrified to tell them. Sure enough, they were furious, and things were really rough with them for several months. It was brutal, and I was so crushed. In hindsight it's so mind boggling because I didn't even know what I wanted- I felt like I was trying to juggle what everyone else wanted and never even really thought about what I wanted and what was right for me in that time... pretty messed up in hindsight, but I've learned so much through this whole experience, so it's been worth it. Anway, my parents shot down the possibility of us meeting that following May (so we had been consistently talking since October, began video calling on an almost daily basis in January so we had been getting to know each other at a distance for about six or seven months total). My parents said it was too soon and more time needed to pass before they felt even remotely comfortable with us meeting in person (having him come visit me). Long story short- it took a couple years. I was ok with this, things with my parents were tense when it came to the topic of this guy, but my parents and I tend to avoid talking about difficult things (unhealthy, I know) so it never really came up. They knew I was still talking to him, and I didn't push them into being ok with him coming here, partially because I was scared to bring it up, I didn't want to "rock the boat", and I was comfortable with where things were. Even though my relationship with this guy brought about a lot of tension with them, I ended up really improving my relationship with them during this time which I am SO grateful for. It's also important to note that we did clearly define our relationship as exclusive in January of 2021 after about three months of talking. He had asked me if I wanted to make it exclusive and I said yes. I never really felt super strongly about being in a relationship but I was still really in love with this guy so I never felt like I was "missing out" on having a more "normal" relationship. Anyway, he eventually came to visit me in August of 2022. We had an AMAZING time. My mom met him briefly and it went well, my dad was out of town (thankfully) and never said anything to me about it which was a major relief to me. We hoped for him to visit again around Christmas or spring break since we were both still in school. All of this changed this past Thanksgiving weekend.
The day after Thanksgiving 2022, black Friday, my mom and I decided to stop into the local Verizon store because I had a really old iPhone (an iPhone 6) that was starting to really slow down and die pretty quickly. We weren't planning on me getting a new phone that day because my mom said that maybe she would get me one for Christmas depending on what kind of deals they had going on and she wanted to know what one I liked. We didn't realize that I was YEARS overdue on an upgrade, so I got a new iPhone 12 for practically free if I were to create a new line, which would mean getting a new phone number. Getting a new number was kind of a pain, but the deal was unbeatable, so we went with it! My bf didn't even know I stopped into the Verizon store that day because I wasn't even planning on getting a new phone. We got the phone, and I was really excited about it. I started setting it up and everything and just as a joke, I texted him from the new number just saying "hey". I cannot stress this enough- my intention was NOT TO CREATE A "LOYALTY TEST", those are toxic and weird. That was not at all my intention. We're always goofing around, so I texted him from my new number and basically said "I think ur cute" or whatever and said that I was a girl in one of his classes. I made up a name, I said my name was "Steph", which unfortunately happened to be a girl in one of his classes (I had no idea, I didn't know any of his classmates' names). Around this time, I felt so at peace and content with our relationship, even though it was unconventional, I was happy, and I felt like I was finally somewhat at peace with the whole situation, even though it was messy. I loved him and felt like I could trust him and had hope that God would use the relationship for our good, whether it worked out the way I wanted it to or not (although I definitely wanted to marry him and made that clear to God lol). Well that all came crashing down that Friday evening. After a couple of text messages were exchanged where I jokingly said that I was Steph from one of his classes and that I thought he was cute, I realized that he seemed pretty excited about her texting him and telling him that she thought he was cute, and was almost being flirty back (also important to point out- since I didn't know any of his classmates' names I thought that after I said my name was Steph it would for sure end bc his classes at his community college were pretty small so what are the odds there was a girl there with that name). I was pretty shocked because of a conversation we had the day before on Thanksgiving about how grateful he was for our relationship, how far we had come, looking forward to our future, etc. I know it can all be smoke and mirrors, but I'm a dumb girl and this was one of the few times I genuinely and wholeheartedly believed him (I struggle with anxiety and OCD so knowing whether or not my fears and doubts are legit can be really hard lol so I often ignore my intuition). Anyway, I kept the conversation going, while posing as "Steph" and even invited him to come over just to see how the conversation went. After extending the invitation he said "I don't see why we can't hang out haha" which I found to be odd at best, but I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. After a few more messages talking about "hanging out", he said that he also thought she was cute. Then he said "when are you setting this up for", which to me sounds like he's agreeing or at the very least is toying with the idea of going to this girl's place ALONE late at night... it also got s*xual around that time. He said things like "make out and see where it leads, that's an interesting way of saying lets have s*x *insert goofy emoji*" and "let me be straight up and ask, am I legit the only guy you texted with this?" (which is such a stupid thing to say, 1.) bc ur supposedly an upright catholic guy and 2.) ur in an excusive relationship with the bare minimum expectation of keeping your pants on and being honest). He never mentioned that he was in an exclusive relationship until I (aka "Steph") asked if he had a girlfriend, to which he said "I do. but its... complicated..." After that "Steph" really called him out for being flirty and even entertaining the idea of hooking up with her since he had a gf. He said "I cannot begin to tell you how tempting it is to take up on your offer and hook up with you though". Anyway, you get the point here. This conversation was only about 15 minutes if it weren't for some texts that either one of us took longer to respond to. After I realized where it was going I ended it because I felt SO bad that he was actively sinning and I saw what I needed to see. I texted him on my old phone and said that we needed to talk. I was with my family at the time, trying to hold back tears. He was out of town with his family too, so we really couldn't talk on the phone that night, which was probably a good thing. We did talk on video call about it the next night though. I started to cry a little bit as we were talking, and I didn't have any tissues with me. I didn't want to get up and go into the bathroom because I didn't want to wake anyone up. It wasn't super gross or anything (I wasn't even sobbing either, I was just mildly crying too) but my nose got kinda runny which ik its gross but it wasn't a lot or anything lol, but then a couple nights later he made a comment how that was "gross"... which is ironic given all of the legitimately gross things he would do (i.e. he would sometimes blow his nose into dirty CLOTHES and his reasoning was that "they're dirty anyway and need to be washed so what's the big deal?" or when the upstairs bathroom was out of commission so when he didn't feel like going downstairs to use that bathroom he would pee in an old water jug..... like what????? Then he would make me feel like I was crazy for thinking that was gross or unusual behavior). I know that's not a super relevant detail, that was just really hurtful that he would say something like that, making fun of me crying over him destroying our relationship. Just felt very cold :(((
Anyway, this situation plus a lot of other small incidents of him losing his temper over small things, lashing out at me, lying about small things then after I show him that I know for a fact he was lying would try to joke about, then go way above and beyond in "apologizing" to the point where it felt fake, him having a porn problem (which I never asked about, at least in part because I didn't want to know, but I knew he had a porn problem because he would occasionally bring it up), saying s*xual things to me that made me uncomfortable, etc. He got a lot better about the s*xual comments and questions after I made it clear that it was not ok, but every now and then he still would. All of these things only worsened my anxiety about the relationship. Since I struggle with anxiety, OCD, and depression I began to slip probably a long time ago, but I quit my medication back in the spring and hit a really rough depressive episode starting at some point in the spring or summer through now. Trying to cope with that COMPLETELY ALONE on top of trying to avoid all of the obsessive thoughts and doubts about the relationship (also completely alone) became so overwhelming, I started to think that I needed to end the relationship, and that I probably should have done that back in November of last year. Prior to June when I started thinking about ending the relationship, I wouldn't even let myself think about ending the relationship because I was holding onto it so tightly with white knuckles that I felt like I had to force the relationship to work for some reason. I loved him so much (and still do) and felt like it was my responsibility to take care of him, I felt personally responsible for his emotional regulation and being there for him. This is a really interesting phenomenon that lines up with my relationship with my mom, and how I was expected to fit into a caretaker role at a very young age, I was expected to have no emotional or physical needs of my own and to tend to the needs of others even if it were to be detrimental to my own wellbeing. That's something I'm currently exploring in prayer and in therapy.
Anyway, a couple weeks ago I ended the relationship. It was horrible. I had been meaning to do it for weeks, but it felt physically impossible. He kind of unintentionally created a segway for me to begin that conversation by him snapping at me and I called him out on it (a typical pattern for him- he denied snapping at me by saying it was a joke, then after I say that I know it wasn't, that it was disrespectful he finally admits it and apologizes). After that he said that our recent conversations have been "dull" and a "drag" and even "not worthwhile", which was definitely hurtful. Even though I was trying to gather up the courage to break up with him (which is so pathetic of me, I know) I still wanted to talk to him, and being so emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted between being so anxious all the time due to my overwhelming generalized anxiety, being in a deep depressive rut, and the mix of emotions about our relationship and the pressure I felt I was under made it hard for me to be super exciting to talk to I guess. All throughout our relationship he put a lot of pressure on our conversations being super exciting, which always kinda frustrated me and always felt like my responsibility for some reason. If I was really tired (because keep in mind, we would often start talking around 11:00pm just because we're both in school) and we just had a more laid-back conversation he would sometimes make comments about how I must not think he's funny anymore or "the honeymoon phase is gone", which I always felt was his way of blaming and maybe even guilt tripping me for just being human. I always thought that a nice chat before going to sleep, just catching up on what we did during the day, our plans for the next day, random stuff or whatever- just spending time together was enough for me, but he always thought that wasn't exciting enough. So, it was definitely at least a little hurtful to hear that he felt like our conversations weren't "worthwhile" to him. But if anything, I did find it a bit consoling since I was about to break up with him, if talking to me isn't "worthwhile" to him, then I guess a breakup would be less hurtful ? Not sure, I would never describe talking to ANYONE as "not worthwhile". I explained that because I have been in such a low place the last several months (which he never seemed concerned about btw, so that was also kinda hurtful. In fact there were a few occasions in which he actually mocked my mental and physical health struggles. bc of that I never really brought it up) between being overwhelmed with anxiety, being super depressed, and dealing with my chronic migraine condition worsening my concerns about our relationship became very overwhelming to me that it no longer felt fair to him for me to continue our relationship with these obsessive doubts constantly bombarding me. He was hurt and was very upset (understandably so). The only thing he said that really got under my skin was that he asked if there was "someone else", I was so pissed that he even asked me that, knowing how diehard loyal I was to him. There was one time I THOUGHT I was starting to develop a crush on a guy while he and I were together, I obviously NEVER acted on it but the thought of even found another guy even attractive made me feel so guilty like I was betraying him or something... ik that sounds ridiculous and it turns out I didn't even have a crush on that guy, literally a momentary phase of thinking he was cute. I cried and felt sick to my stomach for even finding this other guy attractive, that's how delusionally diehard loyal I was to him. But I understand that he was hurt and sad too, so maybe in his own anger and sadness he was just trying to make sense of it without really thinking if that even makes sense. I understand that completely now.
All this to say, it's been a little over a month now and it feels so strange. After almost three years of nearly constant communication, to not interact with him at all feels so wrong. The first week after was miserable. I began having serious doubts and I felt like a vile person for what I did, I know that he has some serious unhealed wounds from his childhood and adolescence, and my heart breaks for him. I wish the adults in his life loved him the way he deserved to be loved and cared for, but they were negligent at best. I don't even necessarily blame him for his actions, because I genuinely believe that he has a good heart, but his own pain causes him to make poor decisions. Another part of the breakup that is actually brought me significant peace and consolation is that us being apart may help him start to work on himself and seek out healing, that's what I'm trying to use this time for too. I still love him so much, and I wish things were different. It all just really sucks. I'm trying to not become angry and bitter about the way things had to happen, but life can just be so brutal to you sometimes. He apparently blocked me on Instagram, then unblocked me for a day or two, then blocked me again. He's done the blocking then unblocking then blocking again a few times. I understand to a point that he wants his own space, but still it kind of stings because even though we've gone no contact, I like to see what he's up to and know that he's at least doing ok.
So, a few questions-
I.) Based on the information given, do you think I was justified in my decision to end the relationship?
II.) How do I possibly move forward?
I am so heartbroken, but more than anything else I feel an intense level of guilt, it's all so overwhelming. It's been hard to focus on school and work. All I want to do is sleep because it feels like the only real escape I have anymore. I've been sleeping a lot, and it's really starting to mess up my daily life, but when you're so overwhelmed constantly it's physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting. Also, it just is easier to be unconscious and not feel anything at all. I've struggled with EDs in the past and my eating habits have also suffered recently because of this chaos. Things have just been really dark. I feel like a terrible person for ending the relationship, knowing I caused him pain when I felt like it was my job to take care of him and protect him in a way. It's messed up because I know so many people who have ended relationships with their bf or gf, and I have NEVER thought poorly of them for ending the relationship- in fact, I usually thing something along the lines of how it's good that they figured out it wasn't working now rather than later. So, its kind strange that I can't apply that same thought process to my own situation, but I'm trying to see it in that light. Prayer has become really hard, I'm in a disassociated state most of the time it seems like, so it feels impossible to focus enough to pray, and God feels really far away (I know He's not, it just feels that way, which is so silly, I know). On some level I'm even a little bit annoyed with God, I know that's so ridiculous, and I don't act on that feeling of course because I know it's so irrational. But I can't help but see my friends and how much more simple things seem for them and I can't even have the bare minimum of getting through the day with a little bit of peace ??? It just all feels so unfair. I know that I'm the common denominator here, and that ultimately my life is my responsibility, so I recognize that these feelings of annoyance toward God and feeling that life is unfair is just me avoiding the blame for my pathetic-ism. One of the few things that actually makes me feel kinda good about myself is remembering that even though I may be the dumbest bitch, at least I have the biggest heart- but this whole situation makes me feel like I have no heart at all, because I feel like a legitimately cruel person for ending the relationship with him. I have only seen him tear up twice, once when we had to say goodbye before he flew home when he visited me for the first time, and again when I broke up with him. It feels like my heart had been ripped out, and I am the one to blame :((( which sucks because when someone rips your heart out you separate yourself from them to protect your own peace, but when it's you who ripped your own heart out, you can't separate you from yourself (another reason why sleeping all the time has become a habit of mine, I can finally distance myself from me in a sense).
I'm really not struggling with doubts that much anymore. They still creep in from time to time, but in general, I am confident that this was the right decision. But it is still extremely painful.
I really don't know the purpose of this post, but I guess thoughts on whether or not I'm a bitch/a disgustingly horrible person for breaking up with this guy, thoughts on how I can try to get through another day, and most importantly- prayers.
***Also, just to be clear- I feel HORRIBLE about the whole Steph situation. It was not at all my intention to put him in a near occasion of sin, I wasn't trying to test his loyalty, but after I saw that he was taking it seriously I felt that I needed to see if I was just imagining things. I know that doesn't make what I did ok, and I am genuinely sorry for my contribution to that situation. I brought my part of that mess to confession immediately after.
If you've read to this point, you've probably reduced your time in purgatory bc I know this is painfully long. Thank you for reading my pathetic story, I hope at the very least it can make you feel better about yourselves, because you have likely made better choices than I have.
Praying for you all, may God bless you and Mary intercede for you always <3

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