I'm 40 , male . First gen investor and debt free life . Living in family house , no rent no EMI.
Currently invested only in direct equity and rbi bonds.
Direct equity investment : portfolio current : 27L ( 86.4% over 7 years )
Short term 91 day t bill : 25 lakhs . ( im looking to buy commercial property, need the down payment)
Gold : 20 lakhs ( im building up this segment for my daughter , so that we don't have to make big ticket purchases during her marriage ) this segment is off limits .
Due to work pressures , im unable to do the extent of fundamental analysis and make timely investment decision. I am risk averse , need to beat fd and inflation I am not running behind multi baggers or such . I found it difficult to allow someone else to make money decisions over hard earned money. I'm looking at a sustainable growth of 15-20% annually. ( 8-13% , if we consider 7% inflation also)
I have had a good learning Curve. I think it is time to delegate some of the groundwork to a MF.
TO ALL SENIORS :

1. What are the methods to evaluate a mutual fund ?
   
2. What is the fixed outgo for every 100 rupees invested by way of charges ?
   
3. How to evaluate the fund performance over short and long term ?
   
4. Im very particular about governance stories of each individual stock I own . Similarly What are red flags in a MF ?
   

Is it really this hard to allow someone else to handle your money ? Please explain.

So, we found this little (2 weeks maybe) pigeon in the street, really in bad shape and took him home to take care of him (we also bring him to the vet since he lost an eye due to a wound, probably it was a cat or something).
Since it's blind from one eye and the vet agreed with us it would die in a matter of seconds if released, we decided to keep him (I will use male pronouns but I don't know we never make a test to see if its m or f).
My bf have resqued a lot of pigeons in the past but they were always fully recovered by him and then being released. Since this isn't the case I really need some tips.
We live in a small appartment, I will buy a cool place for him to rest and the majority of time we agreed on keeping him free and live with us while doing stuff like watching tv etc.
Can you link me a good bird house (if this is the name) on amazon or something? We live in Italy so it better be shipped here and we cannot build one.
How do you guys do to keep everything clean in the house? I see a lot of videos of owners who do enjoy the company of their pigeon while playing nintendo switch on the bed or things like that but since it's different from a cat or a dog with the poop, how do you manage to keep everything clean?
Now it's been a month and I can see how this little cutie it's becoming kinda more affectionate to us. He likes grooming while standing on our hands or shoulder. He do some silly stuff and call us for the food moving a little bit both his wings.
If you have more advices feel free to write down in the comments.
btw I gave him a little plushie to sleep with and it's adorable
thank you and sorry for the nonsense if there's any, english is not my first language and this is my first pigeon and bird ever!

Hello everyone! As the title suggests, I (21M) currently have two cards (recently acquired the second) and would like to get a third if possible. My wife (20F) is an AU on both my cards but doesn’t have any in her name. We are both college students. I would like to get a third card in my name and one for her, but I’m wondering if it would be smart to only open one in her name given the recent inquiry on my report.
Current Cards: Discover it Chrome $1,800 limit, July 2023 Amex BCE $1,000 limit, May 2024
FICO Score: 734 (me) and 736 (wife)
Oldest account age: 10 months (lol)
Chase 5/24 Status: 2/24
Income: ~$60,000
Average monthly spend and categories: Dining: $300 Groceries: $500 Gas: $150 Travel: N/A (maybe take one trip a year)
Open to business cards: No
What’s the purpose of your next card? Build credit, cash back, thicken credit file (want to buy a car in 18-24 months)
Do you have any cards you’ve been looking at? Not particularly, have browsed some student cards
I’m okay with category spending as long as it gets me more cash back than I can earn on another card over a full year.
Thanks!
Edit: I apologize for the awful formatting. I tried using bullets and it was still wonky. Doing this from my phone right before going to bed and can’t figure out how to clean it up.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/MentalPlatypus5193 posting in amiwrong
Concluded as per OOP
1 update - Medium
Thanks to u/colorsofautomn for finding this BORU
Original - 28th April 2024
Update1 - 10th May 2024
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1 New Update
Update2 - - 18th May 2024
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My son [19M] filed harassment charges against me and my husband because we were making him go to college
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Me and my son moved to US last year. I was a single mom for 16 yrs before I met and then married my husband. I saved up money so he can go to college. Where I came from, college is very important. We moved to a small town and my son found new friends. These friends in my opinion were not a good influence. I am used to polite and academically oriented kids back home. These new friends of his make fun of his books and his plans of going to college.
Before his HS graduation, me and my husband took him to several unis in the state so he could get a feel for which one he would like to go to. Then after he graduated from HS, I told him I have about $20k saved up for college. He said it is not going to fit because tuition is pretty expensive nowadays. I suggested he can just go to a community college 20 mins away and live at home to save money. He agreed and I gave him access to the fund (joint account).
Long story short, he did not enroll himself and instead started partying a lot and used the money on expensive dates with his gf. He moved out and stopped talking to me. I worked hard to save that up for more than a decade and I am upset that he wasted it in less than a year. Me and my husband went to his place and asked that he pay me back since it is specifically for college and not "fun money".
He called the police and filed harassment charges. I told the police to review the cctv footage because the whole time I was talking to him through his ring cam, I was calm and reasonable and my husband was just standing behind me not saying anything. I was outside the door talking, he never even opened the door to talk to me face to face. The police said there's nothing he can do if my son and his gf felt "harassed", he can file a restraining order if he wants to.
Back home, this is unforgivable to treat your parent like this. But here in US, I was treated almost like a criminal. My sister in law said it is my fault for confronting him and that the money is his to spend since I made him a joint account owner. Am I wrong?
Edit: People cursing me because I said something about wanting to throw my chancla on my son's face, to be clear I have never laid my hands or my flip flops on him ever. But after what he did, my intrusive thoughts wants me to throw it but of course I won't. If he called the cops on me just because I want to talk to him, what more if I threw my flip flops on his face??
His relationship with me before moving to US was fine. He knew my struggle as a single mom and he always try to help me around the house. I was not strict at all he was free to go out with friends anytime. He was even thrilled to have a father figure and my husband always try to make him feel included in everything.
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Comments
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ManufacturerAny835
Lesson learned never give someone access to money unless you’re ok with them running away with it

OOP: He was a good boy before moving here. I thought he knew my struggles and how much I sacrificed to save money. I just thought he would never betray me like this.

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dingdongsbtchs
Honestly I think a lot of parents don’t realize the depth of their children and forget that just because you think of them as one way doesn’t mean they don’t have other layers that can make them a different person. Sadly your son has found some less than savory friends to surround himself with and now he has to live with the decision he made. I honestly wouldn’t offer help for university again and would leave communication up to him. Also has there been any questions or discussion of potential drug use??
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2workigo
The money is gone. And since he was a joint account holder and a legal adult, there’s nothing to be done except refuse to help him financially anymore. Let him figure it out on his own from now on. The friends he had will likely drift away now that he no longer has a fat bank account to fund their party lifestyle.
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Treacle_Moon
Her biggest fault is waiting till it was all gone to do something about it. She had joint access. She could have stepped in long before now and tried to deal with it. Too little too late unfortunately.
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Update - 12 days later
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I still have not heard from my son and I don't expect him to reach out. But his gf's mother has called me asking if my house is still open to him. I asked her why, it turns out he hasn't paid his share of the last month's rent and his gf had to pay it for him.
I said it is not my problem and he is not welcome anymore in my house since he is an adult. The gf's mom said "what kind of mother would not extend help to his teenage son?". She further insulted me and said now she knows why he left me.
At this point I really don't care anymore. I tried to help him get a good start in life but he wasted it. Aside from the $20k, he lived rent free in the house, free food, free phone, car, gas money, and I pay all the utility bills and his health insurance. All I asked is that he focus on his studies. Finish at least an associate's degree so he can get a decent job and be fully independent from me asap.
For some who asked why college is so important to me, as an immigrant, we are held under certain standards. We have to prove to USCIS that we will not become a public charge -- meaning we won't rely on any government aid. I want him to be able to be a good immigrant and become productive. I don't even know if he can become a citizen if he makes below poverty income. I was just trying to make sure he gets to live a good life.
Some of you asked if he even wanted go to to college. Back when we were in our home country, he begged me to pls send him to college no matter what.
P.S. The harassment charge was closed for lack of evidence of harassment, a lot of what he said were lies.
Edit: Another thing that gave me chills was when he moved out it was the middle of the night and me and my husband were both asleep. My son left the front door hanging open (I saw it in the camera). We live in a small town but there's a lot of crime in our area, someone could have gone in and done something bad.
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Comments
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bluedreamer62
Some people just have to learn the hard way, his gf probably had a good time with him spending his college fund now 5hat it’s gone the fun is over. So comes the reality.
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PoliteCanadian2
So you’re saying this is the Find Out stage that follows the Fuck Around stage?
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Sharp_Mathematician6
Yep
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SnooWords4839
His GF's mom has no right to bitch you out. Your son left, spend his college fund and now has to figure out how to adult. You do not owe him anything at this point.
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ladyalcove
She's just calling her out because she's realizing that now she has to take care of this bum.
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butterfly-garden
Yup. She, too, is in the Find Out stage.
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** New Update*\*
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Update 2 - 8 days later
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His girlfriend's mom called me again today and basically handed the phone to my son to "sort it out between us". I let him just talk and tell me what is on his mind. Here's a summary of his point of view:

• He felt like I deprived him of a lot of things growing up. I couldn't buy him an Xbox/playstation, iphone, or anything a teenager wants when we were in our home country. I can't afford it. Back then I was making $1k a month and saving 20% of it for his college fund and whatever was left was for us to live on. I was helping my parents too with some groceries so money was really really tight. When I look back now, I don't know how I made it all fit.
• He felt so small because his clothes were hand me downs from cousins or just cheap clothes I bought from tianguis.
• He said I was not supportive unlike his friend's parents. Some of his friends have wealthy parents who bought their sons a house and never had to go to college or think about their future because they will inherit the family farm anyway. I have no generational wealth to be that supportive. I wish I have.
• He said I have so much house rules. Yes I do. I want him to wash his plates after eating (I used to do it for him), clean his room and keep it tidy, make sure the windows are tightly shut in winter, keep the thermostat at 68 during winter to save electricity, come home at 11pm or else the house will be double locked from the inside for my safety (because my husband drives a truck and not home at night most the time). I also told him before that since he has a part time job, he can't use my credit card for anything but emergency anymore, but he still used it sometimes anyway (card's been frozen since he moved out).
• I asked him why file charges when I only wanted some explanation from him. He said he don't want to inconvenience his gf and filing charges is the easiest way to get me to stop trying to talk to him.

So basically he felt deprived as a kid and that he thinks he was just healing his inner child when he spent the money. He said his friends told him I owe that to him for bringing him to this world. He thinks that I should not have a child if I can't afford these things.
I asked him why he left the door open that night. He went silent for a few seconds then said "I just thought that if the house get robbed, I could just say I cashed the money from the bank and the robbers must have found it". Unbelievable.
At this point I was so emotional and I was a crying mess. I told him I am deeply sorry that I was his mom and that he had to grow up feeling deprived because I was poor. Then he said "Oh stop with your guilt tripping, you are saying that to make me feel bad.
Oh and he also said he hates it when I do this. I don't yell like that lady but I pretty much bug him to get up and help me set the table. I never get a response so I had to raise my voice higher. He said I was so rude. But he grew up with this. This is me being me. All moms back home do this. Al of a sudden he is comparing me to his mom's friends. In our culture we want food to be eaten while it is fresh from the stove. I spent 1 hr cooking after a long day at work, the least you can do is help me set the table and eat my food while it's nice and warm.
I hung up. My heart is broken in so much pieces. Am I wrong?
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Comments
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Whitewitchie
He has a chip on both shoulders. Leave him be. It's despicable he left the door open so you were vulnerable to burglars. Absolutely no consideration for your safety at all.
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Mtndrums
Dude's a spoiled brat, and an idiot to not see his "friends" were using him. You need to cut him off and let him figure things out.
dublos
Not spoiled. Mom could not spoil him.
Entitled.
This child believes he's entitled to the same things his friends grew up with, even though his parents provided the best they could provide.
u/MentalPlatypus5193 your son has made his bed. Let him sleep in it.
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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP. Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

Financial help needed
Ok. I’m really trying to save money and be able to buy a house. I have really bad about finances my whole life. I grew up upper middle class. Always got whatever I wanted. 2 cars for my 16 th bday. My own house at 18 etc. . I got a large inheritance when I turned 18, later in life I dated someone with a lot of money where I never paid any bills and just shopped and travelled etc. I then ended up with a man who destroyed my credit and left me broke. I ended up in the entertainment industry, bars ,and made very good money and went to college. Ended up with a degree but went another direction. I divorced and remarried. Saved a lot of money. Then my son died and I spiraled in a horrible world of depression and ended up shopping my way through grief. I have now been n therapy and have been dealing with grief differently. ,my marriage is over which i am more than fine with. I have a good career and expect to make over 200k this year. I am needing badly a plan of how to save and how I can invest to have a cushion. I want to buy a home so I can start over. I have rebuilt my credit somewhat but can’t get it over 635 for some reason. I feel so lost in life with my son passing I just really want to move on but I’m scared because I’ve never had any financial help. I’m probably worse with money that anyone I know. What type of person would I see to help me with my finances? Thank you for reading.

I (24f) have been saving all this year to move across the country with my friends in a six room house. So realistically my rent is going to be $600(ish) And through the last three years of living independently. I’ve gotten really good at budgeting my money. And while my goal for saving, right now. Is for that move..I already have enough to live on and have an 8months worth of a safety financial net for myself in my savings. Now I’m thinking about what I’m saving for after that. Realistically, I know I’ll never be able to afford a home unless I go to college for a better paying job. Which I refuse to do at this point and time lol But I ran into something online that really had my thoughts racing. There was an ad for tiny homes that you can purchase and have sent to you. The cost of that is from anywhere to $15-30,000 dollars. (Three bedroom, kitchen and living room. Oven and fridge not included) and I know for a fact I could afford that if I used the same budgeting plan I’m using rn in about a year and a half if I started from scratch again and based off of the pay I make now. So my thoughts are: In terms of what my next goal to save towards,it COULD POSSIBLY be saving for a tiny home and 1-2 acres of land. But I don’t have family and all of my friends are in their 20s and just want to have fun so I don’t have anyone to converse with concerning what other factors I’d need to think about and plan for before deciding if this is something attainable for me, and isn’t some thing that would be biting off more than I can chew.
So what I was hoping I could ask you strangers about is; when buying a plot of land; What are some things I would need to do to make that land livable? (Again, I’m asking that so I can decide if this is a plausible goal for me to work towards next)
Like, septic tank stuff, solar panel installations/electricity, anddd I don’t know..that’s as far as my home/land ownership knowledge will let me conger up.
Anyways! If this was you deciding on buying land and a tiny home… what are the thoughts going forward in terms of planning for it? What Knowledge do you need to start accumulating? What do you need to set in place on that land to be livable?
That was a lot. But any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated! Thank you in advance. :)

Im usually pretty good at sensing scams. I saw a raffle box for free spa masks, and i thought it hosted by one of our local spas. I got text weeks later i won. So i texted back they said they were from mary kay.I thought it just a make up brand and she gave me her name and just need my address to send the prize ( she told me i was getting 3 different face masks , exfoliating cream based on my skin type and asked me question about my skin type and 20 dollar maey kay gift card) i gave my address she told me to set up a day for a pampering session, then tell me after its going me a zoom call at this point i was like that wtf. Maybe she just going over the products i got. so though it odd they were texting at night past most buisness hours, i told work nightshift and i couldnt do any of her available days, she asked to set it up in mid afternoon before i work. I got the samples in the mail with card a index card that says 20 gift card after pampering session.I wasnt expecting much, but even a face mask wouldve been more). And this extremely feminist girl help girls pamphlet asking to recommend 20 women i know who deserve a pampering session. My heart sunk it was definitely marketing ploy. I googled mary kay pampering session and got a lot people talking about being a recruit or sales party. I blocked the number before my zoom chat without a word because im a hole like that. You expect me get up before work just listen to your sales pitch. Im busy person. Im not getting up at 1pm when i work nightshift.hell naw. I didnt even get a gift card. But i read they harass you for months on end even if you block them, sometime showing up to your door. Is she going to show up to my house? Like wtf do i say if she does? "Sorry i realized your company isnt animal cruelty free as advertised and i dont approve that being a rabbit mom". Ik how persistent sales people are and ive always been one thoose people that gets pulled away the mall, i dont feel guilty to buy anything but i do waste their time because im too shy and soft spoke to aggressively say f off.

I had ai generate the pros and cons I noted down….
I'm trying to decide between two houses, and I need to make a decision by tomorrow. Here are the details:

House One: 1817 sq. ft.

Pros: - Grand entrance and big foyer: Creates a welcoming, impressive first impression. - Living room layout: Preferred setup that suits my lifestyle. - Backyard privacy: Backs up to a school playground, ensuring no immediate backyard neighbors. - Hardwood floors: Adds aesthetic appeal and durability. - Nice back patio and location: Away from the main street, providing a quieter environment. - Separate dining room: Offers a distinct space for meals and entertaining. - Attractive master bathroom and bathtub: Adds a touch of luxury. - Builder endorsement: Considered the best value by the builder, with high demand (multiple agents want backup offers). - Commitment: I was committed enough to cancel a previous contract to buy this house. - Possible simple fix for the wavy wall issue: Builder willing to meet with the superintendent to address potential problems.
Cons: - Jagged walls in foyer with nails popping out: Aesthetic and potential maintenance issue. - Smaller backyard: Less outdoor space compared to other options. - Fewer windows: Making the house feel smaller and less bright. - Smaller kitchen and garage: Less space for storage and activities. - Cheap washer room: May require future upgrades.

House Three: 1965 sq. ft.

Pros: - Corner lot with the largest backyard: Offers the most outdoor space and potential for activities. - Separate living room space with a mix of carpet and hardwood: Creates distinct, comfortable areas within the home. - Bosch appliances and built-in microwave: High-quality kitchen features. - Bonus room upstairs: Ideal for a reptile room/office, providing a personal space away from main living areas. - Split design for bedrooms: Master bedroom separated from other bedrooms, enhancing privacy. - Design walk-in and corner lot: Adds to the home’s appeal and functionality. - Good value: Only $12,000 more than House One, offering additional features. - Kitchen layout with built-in carpet: Preferred design feature. - Enjoyable walkway up to the house: Adds to the home's curb appeal.
Cons: - Potential future rear neighbors: May affect future privacy. - Less appealing mudroom/washer-dryer room: May require upgrades. - Unfinished garage: Additional cost and effort needed to finish.

Final Considerations:

Emotional Connection: - I have a strong emotional connection to House One, as demonstrated by my willingness to cancel a previous contract. - The grand entrance, living room layout, and backyard privacy are significant emotional draws.
Practical Features: - House Three offers practical benefits with additional space (bonus room), larger backyard, and a favorable kitchen layout. - The corner lot and split bedroom design add functional value.

Recommendation:

Given my strong emotional attachment to House One and its layout, living room, backyard privacy, and hardwood floors, it is clear that this house resonates deeply with me. The fact that I was committed enough to break a previous contract indicates that House One holds a special place in my heart.
House Three offers practical advantages and additional space, but the emotional and functional aspects of House One seem to align more closely with my immediate feelings and long-term satisfaction.
Therefore, based on both emotional and practical considerations, House One appears to be the best choice for me.
TL;DR: Torn between two houses. House One has a grand entrance, preferred layout, and guaranteed backyard privacy, which I love. House Three has more space, a large backyard, and a bonus room. I’m leaning towards House One due to my strong emotional attachment and its overall layout and privacy.

I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months. I notice him overspending and him telling me he has credit card debt he needs to pay and now he is trying to get laid off from his job so he can get severance while looking for another job. I felt really uncomfortable with him doing this and told him, and he got really angry and packed his things from my house and said he can’t be here anymore. He said I am shaming him by bringing this up because it hurts him. He said I am abusing him. He said I bring this up every couple of days, which is untrue, I have only mentioned it twice. But he kept saying I mention it all the time and I am paranoid of everything all the time. Then he said he will tell everyone how I am paranoid and abusive because I shamed him. I told him if this is what he thinks of me then let’s break up. Then all of a sudden he is very loving and says I’m the best person he’s ever been with and he loves me so much and is so sorry. He says he will never behave this way again.
I want to believe him because he has otherwise been so good to me, buying me gifts and showering me with loving texts everyday. But I can’t seem to let go of how he reacted to me bringing up my concern. He says I should give him a pass for this because he has been so good to me. But I can’t seem to let it go. Am I overreacting?

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I apologize in advance for the length of this behemoth Story time Reddit: Last night I was chilling at a camp grounds in upstate NYC and this really cute bartender was on her first day ever for the job, anyways I didn’t even notice her until a community dinner at 6pm when she got some food and went to the bar to get ready for the night because us folks at the camp were gonna party till LATE I’m 18M turning 19 and I had aspirations to be a bartender myself in the familiar country of Mexico where my family operates a gin booze business. she 22F just turned and I was eager to Yk like ask her how her first day on the jobs going right? Now I time goes by we all just chilling having dinner and our rolls out some Gigachad kitchen employees with dessert and everybody fiends the fucking ice cream sandwich bars and I hastily think about the fellow bartenders out the back of the building (it’s the girl I’m taking about whose new and one other girl whom is basically her chaperone because they are her aunt) approach the bar with 2 ice cream sandwiches asking if they wanted the last stock of what remained of dessert 😂 they politely decline and I just give them away to my boys and walk back to the main cafeteria area and around 5 minutes pass people start to clear out and I not really a drinker and not of age to drink in the US (although I have been to other countries to bars that you don’t need to be 21 to drink all fine) Sit down at the bar with the 2 bartender ladies, i start yapping about all the musical bullshit I do in life and the video game I’m developing and whatnot and that’s why I came up to nature to record the ambient sounds for my project idk why BUT then when I realize is that the girl whose new’s eyes fixated on me intensely full German stare and I’m kinda intimidated ngl, so ofc as a good bartender would ask, they ask if I want anything to drink and i politely decline because I wasn’t really thirsty 💀 We start to just chat a bit I ask about how their day went and then that’s when I realize the new girl whose bartending it’s her first day and she’s absolutely drunk out the wazoo, I feel kind of bad because she was about to just go take a walk break and I saw she could barely even move straight 💀 so I ask “so what are some good things to do around here?” They reply really excited that before it gets too dark (somehow they say that and it’s already becoming 8:30 and dark at out) I should go to this really pretty creek waterfall and the absolutely double whammy hammered chick volunteers to take me. Now me skeptical af and realizing that either A, she can’t keep her eyes of me because she’s deadbeat drunk or B, she thinks I’m cute and wants to know me this is why she offered to take me to a cool place. I accept and I have to walk this girl out the bar because she’s in heels and bouncing all over the place. We make it to a downhill section we have to cross and I see her struggling and ask if she needs a hand and she hastily accepts, next thing up her arms are basically spaghetti and rolling with the wind as we make it down this hill her holding onto me for dear life. We start to walk a bit and I start to ask the big legal concern questions that us “technically inclined” men ask like “How old are you” “Do you have a boyfriend?” And “Are you in school?” I eventually get all these answers and we by some will of god walk up to an abandoned dark horror movie looking ass tipi (basically this ⛺️ thing for u non cultured swines) for some reason my hood senses start tingling and the white girl slasher film mindset goes into my mind like “Why the fuck am I about to go in there?” But hey YOLO why not go into creepy dark crowded place with drunk girl? We waltz up into that bitch looking like injured bank robbers clobbering all over the ground because the ground muddy and we can barely fit into the small opening of it, point is in there she starts basically interviewing me fucking speed run piers style and I answer being sober decently competent. Me not trying to make her feel uncomfortable turn my flashlight on to scout the area and we realize there’s some makeshift bench in there so we have a seat. She doesn’t like the fact the lights on and then she asks “do you want to kiss” and proceeds to inform me I’m a weirdo for turning on the light. Now I’m like: “ aight what the fuck girl like it’s dark spooky af out the hell u want me to do get mauled by spiders in this Native American trap house? Then Yk me never had a girlfriend and curious accepts her kiss offer and right as we are about to friggin kiss a RANDOM ASS NPC COUPLE SPAWNS IN AND JUST WALKS UP TO OUR FUCKING TIPI! What are the fucking odds bro, like it’s pitch black basically out and I’m in the middle of the woods, now they see us (we look hella sus at that moment) and kinda just walk away after being like “ooooh cool!” But anyways I get a pretty Alr first kiss, get insulted for being a horrible kisser and walk it off quoting myself “Bro it’s cuz I’m a Libra right?” Jokingly anyways we kinda talk a bit she enlightens me on some personal facts and me too, I ask if she’s had a boyfriend and she says yeah I would had asked how many but didn’t weirdly enough and she’s asked me then if I had ever had a girlfriend and I respond honestly that nope I haven’t and she doesn’t buy it, she thinks I’m lying. She then proceeds to ask me how tall I am and me being a tall ass mf for my race i respond “6 foot 3” and she’s like DAMNNNNNNN ewwww. I’m dying of laughter and ask what’s wrong. I never get a response 😭 Anyways she then decides to empty her pockets and she came for some reason with basically a mythical rarity load out of pocket loot. 2 Cinnamon booze plastic shots, lip gloss, chapstick and a cart. Now me being the worlds biggest glorified coward who never smoked and almost never drinks was amazed she had all this shit on her. I ask her how much she had to drink tonight and she told me how for every drink she served she also drank (idk why tf weird flex but ok?) we then kinda decide to go out of the tent because all of a sudden she wants to explore the pitch black woods when we both have very little phone battery left for flashlight. I think in my sober mind that’s a horrible idea and I remember in the back of my mind we had to be back in an hour from like 8:30pm and I remind her assuming she will have it into account but fail to realize SHES DRUNK AF AND CANT PROCESS SHIT!!! Anyways we walk around the creek bed and eventually we have a seat and just weirdly enough lay down watch the stars and talk about romantic stuff, she is very kind all of a sudden and we are just laughing wholeheartedly and enjoying ourselves and occasionally she tries to sloppily kiss me and I’m kinda just laying there like : 🙃. But yeah we there doing all that and then she somehow convinced me to do shots of the weird spicy booze she brought and I was very nervous and almost about to fully fold because I had a lot of important things in my life impending in the coming days and I didn’t want to fuck something up being drunk (not knowing myself if I’m a lightweight or heavyweight drinker) We each do one and I’m kinda there lying paralyzed and shivering in my boots not because of the alcohol but because of the nerves I am chilling with a girl on a beauty of a night next to some lovely sounding creek noises and making out. Me being the newbie I am just go along with anything she says or does because I’m not trying to blow what I have going Yk. But yeah time passes we just there on essentially natures lawn hugging and kissing and talking about cute life aspirations and then I have to break the hard news to her, I inform her I won’t be staying around long by any means ( I leave the next day back to da hood for school) and I feel so bad inside! Like this girl even age difference aside whatever was very kind and I didn’t want to ruin what we had going so I try and explain how I would try to visit her and later the next day I am able to check that tickets cost roughly $50 for one ways to the town she lives in and takes 2 hours and a half something if me for love I was able to do im down ig… Now as a recap: She knows I live super duper far away, She and I both understand we don’t want to ruin what we have and we are trying to see how we can keep this going. I hear someone scream her voice and then I’m like Awww shit ur in trouble right? I check my phone and it’s MOTHERFUCKING 11PM!!!! I’m like OH SHIT WE BEEN GONE A WHILE DAMNNN, I pull her up off the ground and try to get her to her aunt who I assumed was looking for her and then we sadly said it last farewell quickly. She kisses me and then she gets yoinked and chewed tf outta by basically her big auntie bartender me feeling horrible and all because I was so immature not checking the time, I walk up to her to take responsibility for the situation and not be a beta male type character she asks me all of a sudden if I’m “ok or hurt” and I say yeah I’m fine and then she walks away and for some reason my good manners and habits kick in as I quietly shout “good night” and she shouts back “yeah good fucking night!” Slams the door with my newfound friend and they both gone. I feel real bad for the situation but hey it already happened, and I then find out from some of my fellow campers that she was threatening essentially to call the state police because people have gotten lost in the woods but in my head I’m like NUH UH I GOT S TIER GOD MEMORY!!! Anyways I do have the girl I was withs number I message her apologizing for not being more responsible and whatnot and then a lot of time happens from there on. I go to bed at 1:30am, wake up the next morning at 6:57am and I’m worried because she hasn’t responded. I paranoid and feeling like a hopeless romantic sit around stressing for hours until BOOM I get off a call checking up with my moms who was out of town get a message from my dear bartender girl! I’m beyond ecstatic and try to see if we can say goodbye because I have to go so soon that same day (today as I’m writing this) we try to compromise and plan but sadly it doesn’t work out for us and we just don’t get a well deserved farewell. I feel truly defeated and depressed about it and people I’m with are speculating how I have barely eaten in all the hours I have been up today. I reply it’s that m stresses but don’t go into detail trying to avoid ancontroversial discussion. This girls name is Sofia and I as I hope a constituted decent person hope I can keep this relationship but there are a few obstacles. 1, she lives 2 hours best case scenario from me. 2, she doesn’t really answer my messages until very late after I send them (for example i message her 12:30 she responds then doesn’t respond until past 5pm same day) and It’s hard to have a relationship with flawed communication I can see. Now for me I have always wanted to find love but never really succeeded in it and I’m truly just grateful for having any experience like this at all and I want to hear feedback from fellow guys and girl as to what I should do to keep this a respectful and responsible relationship you know?
Sincerely and looking forward to feedback, K

I 24F and my husband 23M just moved back in with my parents. Am I spending too much time with my family?
My(24F) husband(23M) have been married for just under three years. We are high school sweethearts and married young. I may be seeking more advice and opinions than the title leads on. We lived with my parents for a short time after being married, then we spent two years in our own apartment. We are trying to save to buy a house and decided our best option would be to live with my parents. They built a massive house with a master suite and full living room and kitchen in their basement. We pay $1600 a month, $1000 of that goes to a savings account that we will be given access to once we move out. The other $600 covers a $150 truck payment we pay to my dad, utilities and rent. We’ve got the ultimate set up.
For context, I’ve almost divorced the man twice. Our sex life has completely changed since being married. If I don’t initiate, it’s not going to happen. He almost never pleasures me and I have recently found out he has an addiction to porn. We don’t do much together, he spends a lot of time on his phone scrolling through Instagram or on his PC playing games, finding cars or trucks he wants to buy or watching twitch. I do not feel like a priority to this man. He does however work a really good job and makes most of the money in our relationship. He provides well financially for us.
If my family is invited to hangout in our space, he gets upset and sits in our room for most of the time they’re down here. He also gets upset if I make dinner for them. A prime example of this would be a few weeks ago, I asked if he wanted to play super Mario bros on the Wii with me and have dinner. He refused to play Wii with me and didn’t want to do anything else, so I invited my sister and dad down to play and have dinner with us. They provided me with extra groceries to make enough for everyone and have leftovers. To me, he didn’t want to spend time with me so I did what I wanted to do. Also, making dinner for my family who charges us close to nothing in rent and welcomed us back so quickly with open arms AND gives us as nice of a set up as we’ve got, the LEAST I can do is make dinner.
He also gets upset because I park upstairs and when I come home from work I’ll hangout and chat with my family. For probably 30 mins to an hour. Not every day, probably twice a week. They probably spend time in our space MAYBE once a week but it’s not consistent enough to really put a number on it.
What do I do here to fix all of the things? I’m sure I’m missing some things as I’ve written this up so quickly so let me know if you have any questions.

Isa akong batang laking mahirap. All the kinds of bullying naranasan kona and kahit I am on my adult stage na bakat na bakat padin sa ala ala ko kung ano ang mga napagdaanan ko during my years of schooling.
During my elementary days way back mga 2004-2010, baon ko 2 pesos a day pero hindi pa araw araw may baon. Minsan nag aabot sila mama at papa ng 5 pesos ng monday and that's it for the whole week. I am too innocent in those time kasi Im proud to say na never ako nag cocomplain to my parents regarding that,siguro dahil alam kong wala din naman magbabago if I ask them kasi I know na walang wala din naman talaga sila. Minsan yung mga kaklasmayt ko pa noon tinatawanan ako pag tinutulog ko lang ng recess time namin kahit yung tiyan ko tumutunog sa gutom, while them enjoying their meals and have money on their hands to show off. They don't wanna be friend with me either kasi di ako nakakasabay sa kung anong meron sila kaya ako yung typical na batang PAPASOK sa skul ,UUPO,TAHIMIK at magsasalita lang pag kinakausap. Ang tanging alam ko lang non is disiplinado ako ng mga magulang ko kaya naman never ako nanlimos ng kahit ano or nainvolve sa gulo or na guidance sa skul, if my conflict man non sakin at sa klasmayt ko, umiiwas nalang ako at mananahimik kasi takot akong magkamali eventhough sinasabihan na nila ako "DUWAG" "LAMPA" etc.... One time may pinapa project si teacher sakin that requires money to buy it. Sinabi ko din naman kila mama pero they can't provide so pagpasok ko ng umaga sa skul, sobrang kabado ako kasi lahat sila may maipapasang project and ako lang wala. Then when my name called by our teacher sinabi ko yung totoo but the teacher just say "Baka gusto ako pa magprovide para sayo" sabay tawa. Until then naging hobby na nya akong pagtawanan infront of his co teachers at sa mga students at ako lagi inuutusan taga bunot ng puting buhok nya.🤣 well nakakatawa nalang sya sakin now pag naaalala ko
Fast forward... 2011 Highschool days... I enter highschool like elem na walang wala din. All my things are old, from bag to notebooks, yung lapis ko parang nasa 3 inches nalang ang haba kasi di ko napapalitan. Even my slippers have butas na which is naging reason ng bullying din. Yung ibang klasmayts ko laging kinukwestyon bakit daw ganun di ako mabilhan ng mga magulang ko pero di ko sila sinasagot. Just like elem days, ako yung tipo ng stujanteng tahimik lang sa upuan, kaya ang tingin ng guro namin sakin "MABAIT" pero may mga guro padin na hindi talaga ako nagugustuhan dahil sa bagay na wala ako na meron madalas mga klasmayts ko. Malayo ang skul namin sa mga bahay namin kaya nagbabaon kami ng pang lunch namin. Madalas baon ko araw araw is itlog,pancit canton na isang piraso tapos ginagawa kong pang recess at lunch na yun. Even that thing I was questioned lagi by my klasmayts but I don't answer them. I was so lonely nun kasi wala naman gustong makipagkaibigan sakin, even if may groupings, I was left alone and doing my activity alone. If you guys are wondering how's my marks in school? I was a regular student and never ako na fail sa subject ko kasi yun din habilin ng magulang ko sakin. I was so obedient to my parents even those times na pinag aabsent nila ako para magtrabaho sa bukid at para may baon ako sa school.Then the next day, I will be punished in school for being absent without telling them my reasons. I know how hard my life is kaya nangangako ako sa sarili ko na I have to finish my studies kahit anong mangyari. There are some teachers who love humiliating me in front of many students for the things I have, such meron daw ako shoes na old pero walang socks, butas ang pantalon, and ngilaw na ngilaw ang puting uniporme signs of it being old enough. One thing I am struggling about is yung yellow pad paper, yun kasi gamit namin ng highschool and most of them have it tapos ako pag humihingi ako ayaw din naman ako bigyan, kaya ang ending I'm using notebooks as alternative for it. My teacher would question it again pero same thing, my silence is my response. In those years, teachers are allowed to beat students as sign of disiplina and I was beaten as a punishments for not providing projects and unattended classes dahil sa need ko kumita ng pera para may pambaon. Pag binabalikan ko siya, awang awa ako sa sarili ko. And those people who treated me that bad, I still remember them but I forgave them. Masakit lang pag naaalala ko😭 I just can't imagine na nalagpasan ko siya na ako lang magisa at walang nasandalan even my parents. All those bullying I have received from my society, inako ko lang magisa yun at none from my siblings and parents knows about it.
Fast forward...2015- 2019 College... This one is the most legit na sobrang hirap. Pero bago pa mag umpisa ang semester nun I confront my self na kahit anong mangyari " I have to be a regular students,walang bibitiw at wag na wag babagsak sa kahit anong subjects
1st -2nd year college ko, I tried everything I can, to provide for my own tuition fees and allowances. Yes nagbibigay sila mama at papa pero hindi kasya, minsan 150- 200 lang kaya nila iabot for a week allowance, ang bording house ko laging delayed ang bayad, and my tuition is always on hold kaya laging suki ako ng special exam. Pinasok ko mag work as taga dilig ng halaman and care taker ng isang bar and grill for the night and study in the morning. I have no choice but to do it cause ayokong mag stop sa pagaaral. Kaya naman pag sumasahod ako sa part time ko, binibili ko ng mga sapatos sa shoppee and then I resell it on facebook market online around the city. After my class ng afternoon dun ko sila minimeet up sa city and there I earned money. Tho, of all the efforts and hardships na ginagawa ko still my studies is my top priority. I was so payat sa sobrang pagod, puyat at stress.lagi pa akong nag nose bleeding and I was so worried for my health pero tuloy ang laban. Again, none from my siblings and parents knows about it. I kept it all alone and di din naman sila nag tatanong kasi they thought I am doing fine dahil wala din naman silang narerecieved na reklamo sakin. BULLYING? ofcourse di padin ako nakaligtas jan, I was called "EWW ANG ITIM, MUKHANG MATANDA kasi di nakakapag ahit ng balbas at nakapagpagupit" minsan sasabihin pa nila "Huy kumain ka naman para ka nang kalansay" without knowing my whole story. One time I cried inside the confort room kasi I couldn't help myself na mainggit sa mga classmates ko nun na after class they will be having a talk about san sila mag lulunch if sa Jollibee ba, mcdo or sangyup. Samantalang ako, after class I was so busy meeting people with their orders. Minsan nadadaanan ko pa sila sa fast food having a good time while ako may bitbit na malaking basket puno ng sapatos na idedeliver.🙂 If my mandatory na event sa skul na need attendan, I used to ask people I don't know if may pwede ba akong mahihiraman ng susuotin tapos sasabihin nila try nila hanapan ako pero they then laugh at me afterwards. I feel so ashamed of doing it but I have to. So ayun na nga iniignore ko lang yung mga moment na tinatawanan ako sa looks ko, sa mga bagay na wala ako na meron sila. Basta focused ako sa acads ko nun at sa pagkita ng pera.
During my 3rd yr college. Yung part time kong work nagsara so I was forced to stop working with them na. And so yung pagbebenta ko ng sapatos nalang ginagawa ko. I was so lost that time kasi diko alam ako gagawin ko. Malaking tulong yun sakin lalo na 2yrs nalang kailangan kong tapusin sa pagaaral at mas malaki ang expenses ko na.Isang araw papasok ako ng gate sa skul and there are posters around our campus about scholarships and yung minimum qualified average. I have know idea if abot ba ng average ko dun sa offer ng scholars. so I run towards our registrar to request for a certificate of my grades. My world just stop for a while and I'm in tears kasi naabot nga. 86.04 yung average ko and the asking is 85.0.lang. moving forward, I got the scholarship and it helps me with my tuition fees. Kaya ang pinoproblema ko nalang non is bording house ko. Until meron na namang ibang offered na scholarships sa city so kahit sobrang haba ng pila,tiniis ko kasi I know it will save me. Luckily God is so good to me kaya I got them. That's why sa huling taon na pagaaral bago grumaduate, everything goes well and smooth because of those 3 scholarships. I Gave up selling shoes and focus sa exams nalang until I manage to graduate.....
July 2019.... FINALLY GRADUATED AND A CERTIFIED DEGREE HOLDER OF PSYCHOLOGY....
2024 update about me? I am now in a good path, I took a career that is relevant to my degree and still want exploring more things...

They’re a fairy tale. Like Santa Claus.
I deeply wish I had lots of money and good cash flow. Not like a millionaire. Just good financial balance. I would dearly love to be able to buy this one young family a snowblower. Or get this other family a bigger house (8 people in less than 2K sqft). And so on.
When I go to the store, I always see things that I know this person would love, or that person needs. But I can’t buy them.
But that kind of person doesn’t exist in reality. There aren’t people who think about me. Nobody calls or texts just randomly because they hope I’m having a good day. Nobody goes fishing and thinks that hey wouldn’t I and my son love to join them?
Or go on a hike they’d been planning? These people don’t exist. Friends aren’t real. They’re an idealized caricature that mommies and school teachers have made up as a way to trick kids into being nice. TV and movies and books talk about them, but they’re portraying some imaginary idealized world.
But people like that don’t exist in reality. Everyone is too busy thinking of themselves. Nobody actually cares. Nobody is actually selfless or generous. I honestly don’t know why this myth persists. I’m certainly not fooled anyway. What a joke.

I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/Kitchen_Earth7954
Originally posted to AmItheAsshole + their own page
Previous BoRU originally posted by u/KittenDealinMama
NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----
[New Update]: AITA for telling my wife that I’m tired of raising a kid that is not mine + 1 year UPDATE
Trigger Warnings: possible domestic violence, possible financial abuse, possible divorce
RECAP
Original Post - May 19, 2023
I (31m) am married to my wife Amber (30f) we have a daughter Emma(7f) the problem is my wife’s best friend Jennifer (30f) has a daughter as well Harper (7f) well Harpers dad is a lazy sack of crap and refuses to do anything with his daughter. He is the type of guy that brags about how he never changed a diaper.
Jennifer and Harper are usually at Amber and my house on the weekends because Harper’s dad is drinking and watching sports all weekend. On Saturdays I normally sped all day with my daughter because I don’t see her as much as i want to during the week. However with Harper being there every Saturday anything I do with Emma I have to do with Harper. Take Emma to the zoo it’s Emma, Harper and I. Taught them both how to ride bikes, takes them both to dance class, take them both to the kids salon, and so on.
Mother’s Day was the last draw, I took them both to dance class Saturday morning ( Amber and I also pay for both dance classes because dead beet won’t) on the way home Emma asked if we could stop to get something for mom for Mother’s Day, I said sure but then it ended up I had to buy something for Harper to her her mom as well. On the way home I just kept thinking why am I buying someone else’s wife a Mother’s Day gift, that’s his job.
A few days later (because I did not want to ruin Mother’s Day) I told my wife that I am tired of raising Harper, her real father needs to step up. I tired of it taking away time I get to spend with Emma. She said that Jennifer is her best friend and we need to be there for Harper.
Now she is not speaking to me and sleeping in the guest bedroom. So AITA?
Just wanted to add some updates to questions I see.
Emma and Harper are best friends.
It was my idea to spend Saturday with Emma, I work more during the week so I wanted to spend Saturday with Emma and to give my wife a bit of a break.
We pay for things be Jennifer’s husband thinks it’s a waste on money to pay for dance class and Jennifer can’t afford to pay by herself.
Jennifer and Harper do things with Amber and Emma 1 or 2 times a week together during the weeknights.
VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE
Comments

where’s Harper’s mom in all this?

OOP: Just hanging out at our place, Harper started to come along because I thought it would be mean to take her friend and not her. At the start it was not all the time like it is now

So your wife probably enjoys hanging out childfree with her friend every weekend. If your wife doesn’t agree to friend free days maybe the moms should start needing to attend the outings too? I don’t understand why Harpers mom isn’t at least driving kids to dance since you pay it etc?

OOP: Our house is on the way to Dance, so she comes here first. I also like going to Dance, it’s kind of fun being the only dad there, and after class we have our routine of going to the local bakery and getting a croissant and smoothie for breakfast.

are the gift and things you spend on her getting paid back to you?

OOP: The short answer is no, the longer version is Amber and I make a decent amount more money than Jennifer and her husband and her husband dose not like to waste his money on the kid. Jennifer can not afford to pay us back, So any money I spend on her kid I know we are not getting back.

7 years in, you've set the expectation and Harper is NOT going to understand your withdrawing. So hmm.... for taking 7 years to decide this was an issue.

OOP: I see what your saying, but it’s gradually gotten to this point over 7 years. Part of it is she is here more now than when she was younger, part of it is as Emma has gotten older we do more involved things, when they were three we just went to the playground down the street now it’s trips to the science center.

you should definitely have a talk with this sorry excuse of a father, if anything just to tell him what you think of him

OOP: I would but he is not the civil discourse type of guy, but more of the Alpha male beat you up type of person

Why do you pay for her dance classes? Why can’t either of Harper’s parents do it?

OOP: I pay for the classes because Emma wanted Harper in class with her. Harpers father is they type of who is my money is my money and Jennifer’s money is their money and he does not want to waste money on classes.
 
Update #1 - June 2, 2023 (2 weeks later)
So quite a few people has asked for an update on this situation, sorry it’s taken so long but it’s been a hectic few weeks.
As for the updates the Amber and I are fine. Her reaction was based on poor word choices by me, poor communication by both of us, and some things I was unaware of at the time.
The short version is:
Things at home were much worse than I was aware of for Jennifer, and my wife had only recently found out how bad things were.
Mother’s Day was the straw that broke the camel’s back for Jennifer as well, she was raised in a you must stay together for the kids family, when Harper came to me for a gift she realized that her daughter did not see her sperm donor as a father so it was time to get out.
Jennifer came to my wife to ask for help leaving because she had no family in the area and Jennifer does not have the financial resources to leave on her own.
So the night my wife was going to ask me if we could help her is when I told her I was tired of raising someone else’s kid. That’s what caused her reaction.
The Saturday after out initial argument Jennifer did not come over and Emma went to her grandparents, so the wife and I had a long discussion about what was going on, that’s when I found out all the stuff going on with Jennifer.
The wife and I decided the Jennifer and Harper can stay with us for the time being. My problem was never with those 2 it was that I had to take over for the deadbeat ( or dead beet if you prefer).
When we told Emma about this she was super happy her friend was staying with her. We had a conversation with her that if she wants to have time with either parent with out Harper just let us know, and we do not want her to feel left out of anything.
Last weekend with the help of a Uhaul and some friends of mine we got all of Jennifer’s and Harper’s stuff and moved it into our house. The good thing is we have a 4 bedroom house so everyone gets a bedroom, the bad news is my wife’s office got moved to the basement.
Wish me luck we shall see how this goes.
 

----NEW UPDATE----

Update #2: 1 year later - May 12, 2024 (11 months later)
So it’s been almost a year since my last update but with Mother’s Day upon us I thought I would post an update and try to answer the questions I’ve gotten.
Jenn and Harper are still living with us. As I mentioned before Jenn did not make that much money, she worked as a phlebotomist for our local health network. The good news is with the current nursing shortage they have a program where they will pay for employees to go to nursing school. She was able to start that in the end of August. The bad news is it’s an 18 month program and they only let you work 20hrs a week while you are in the program. So the arrangement is one she graduates she will move out then. That should be next May.
The Divorce with Dead Beet is still ongoing. Once he found out he was going to have to pay child support he tried every dirty nasty trick he could think of. No idea when that will be finished.
My wife is doing good, she happy she is helping her best friend, but 5 people in a house is a lot more work than 3. Since she works from home the pre and post school work falls on her.
Emma and Harper are still best friends. Shockingly Harper is doing much better in this environment than before. They don’t do everything together anymore. Harper quit dance class, but she started with soccer. I think knowing that she will get fatherly attention no matter what she is doing has given her some freedom to pursue other interest. Harper has turned into my Lego buddy. Emma never had any interest but Harper and I have done some nice sets together.
Emma and I still have our daddy daughter dates on the weekend, I still take her to dance class, and she started to take fencing classes. I don’t know if I should be proud or scared that she could defeat me in a sword fight.
I think I am doing better a year later. That there is a plan with a timetable for Jenn and Harper has relived a lot of stress from my life. That I also don’t have to see Dead Beet has also been a relief. I also try to take a few hours a month for me time and to do my hobbies. The bad part is I had thought that I was done with the portion of my life where I had roommates. It will also be nice when Jenn either gets her nursing job and/or gets child support so that Amber and I can stop footing the bill for so much.
For all the people that said Jenn was going to become our sister wife, or that I was going cheat of my wife with her, or that she was going to ruin my marriage out of spite, or any of the weird sexual fantasies some of you people had absolutely nothing has happened.
 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I've traveled a bit dressed as V but it was always after dark and always the straightest line between the door and the car. I visited some friends that live an hour away last night (Saturday) and stayed over. They are the few people who actually know me and know I dress. This morning I decided it was a good day to be V.
This evening as it was getting dark I found someone wanting to have some adult fun and went over. A couple hours later my wig was a wreck my makeup was 75% gone and what was left was a mess. When I grabbed my purse to fix myself I realized I had put all my stuff in a different purse before I left the house and grabbed the old one out of habit. I said fuck it it's dark " put on my boy shoes for the little over an hour drive home and left
What I forgot to do because I just got my brains f***ed out was check the fuel gage and I ran out in the middle of nowhere 6 miles from the nearest exit. I already looked like a train wreck, forgot my robe that does wonders making my body look feminine, and had on boy shoes but girl clothes. I doffed what was left of my wig back on and started my hike. I don't have words to describe what I looked like 6 miles later as I had to walk into a store for the first time as V to buy a gas can and some gas. Nobody said anything but I just wanted to die right there on the spot. Just for kicks after hiking 1.5 hours back to the car guess where I had to go to get gas in the actual car!!
I guess the good news is I don't think I will ever get seen looking worse.

two cold approaches in a club, need criticism and pointers
Long story short, went to this goth club with a badance floor area. I decided to go solo cause I'm new to this city.
Got there early-ish when it wasn't packed, grabbed a drink and saw the DJ's getting set up. I sort of just walked around the venue at first since it was a cool scene I wanted to check out all the amenities. Eventually I grabbed a drink and noticed the place starting to gradually fill up, there were definitely more groups than solo people.
Spent some time scanning the room to see who is solo and could use company, approached this girl very obviously sitting alone. She was receptive and we talked, turns out she was like 40 something and sort of just trauma dumped all the shit going wrong in her life to me. Then she told me that no men want her even though she has a house and all these other nice things, eventually she left frustrated. Not with me, we had a good chat about stuff, I think she just felt she didn't fit into a young ppl goth bar, I was probably the only person that approached her to talk. Tbh had no clue she was 40 something, makeup? idfk
Anyway later into the night
got another drink so at this point I'm at 2 and the social lubricant is starting to take effect. We are well into the night at this point and the dance floor is packed with ppl doing weird goth dances, the bartenders are scrambling etc. So since the 40 something yo lady left I spent time just enjoying the DJ's and watching ppl dance. After I while I decide to give it another go and start scanning the room again to find someone else solo that could use company.
I spot this qt girl (more around my age) waiting in line for a drink, so I approach and somehow strike up some small talk. She seemed receptive and we continued talking, pretty early in our conversation I offered to buy her a drink which she accepted and we took our conversation to another area of the bar to get out of the way of other ppl in line.
What followed was we spent the next 2hr or so talking about all kinds of stuff, the city, cats / dogs, the location, work, etc etc. Made her laugh a good many times and we kept eye contact during the whole ordeal. Eventually a escalate and ask for her number which she plugged into my phone. I also complemented her style said I liked her hair, which we talked about for a while (attempt at flirting).
Everything after this point is stuff I need advice on, because everything after this point is where I started fumbling I think...
So... when I gave her my number I followed up by saying she's really fun to talk to and we should grab lunch or coffee sometime soon. To this she gave me a sort of uh..... I dunno how to describe... mutter of acceptance? Like I have no clue if she agreed or fake agreed idk...
Note by this time I've been talking to her for a good while and wanna move from the bar elsewhere, so as we're talking she mentions she can go crazy with the goth dances. I tried to capitalize on that saying we should hit the floor and maybe she can show me. Again here I have no clue what she said back to that... all I know is that I don't think she was super interested in doing that with me, plus she was tired after work so didn't wanna dance.
By this point the alcohol is wearing off, it's late and I can tell she's a lil tired of talking to me as for the past 2hrs she made effort to keep the convo going and so did I, and now it was sort of dead.
Here is the confusing part to me... so she tells me she'll brb and basically just doesn't come back. So I close my tab and leave cause it's late anyway.
few days later I text her saying I had fun talking to her and wanna get to know her better grab drinks again etc. No reply.
And yup that's sort of it, mind you I'm 22 this is my first time going to a club and trying this solo without a group.
I'm asking for advice about things I did wrong and things I did correctly that I need to replicate in the future when I go back there.
My own self-reflection rn is
I blundered by staying basically glued to her for so long which killed the convo and vibe, again I just thought we were hitting it off cause we talked for so long.
maybe could've tried talking to more than 2 ppl? I also struck up conversation with this dude and that was cool.
Maybe I made the mistake of focusing too much on picking up girls rather than enjoying the venue?

Okay. I am thinking about getting my wife either a new Pilot or Odyssey for the family. Luckily enough, I have avoided buying or leasing a new car my entire life. I grew up working on cars and I’ve always just picked up a used car on the cheap and kept fixing it. I just don’t have the time anymore to dedicate to working on cars, unfortunately. So I live in New York metro area. I keep seeing Honda has special financing rates for 3.9% for well-qualified buyers for 24-48 months or 4.9% for 49-60 months for both the Pilot and Odyssey. So my question is: Is anyone in the NYC tri-state area getting these rates? I am curious to know since I keep reading online people posting their rates of 6% and higher. My credit score is 800, salary is pretty good, I have zero debt. My neighbor just picked up a new hybrid CR-V and they gave him around 6.5% and he’s financed probably four to five Hondas over the years, granted I don’t know his credit history.
So if I apply through Honda’s website to be preapproved, I know that they won’t tell me my rate and I have to go through the dealership. Can I use that preapproval with multiple dealers and expect one hard pull on my credit or will each dealer do a hard pull and screw my credit? Sorry. Total noob here when it comes to financing a car and their practices. :/ Just wondering how I can play each dealer with each other as I attempt to make a deal and not get screwed. #help and thank you.