Hi! I’m a FTM due in August and my first shower is coming up in three weeks! I’m having three showers (one in my hometown, a co-ed one where I live now, and one with coworkers) and in total, there will be about 140 invites sent out. People are already starting to buy things, so I want to make sure I have all my bases covered, but I also don’t want to keep anything on the registry that’s a waste of money or impractical. Also please let me know if there’s anything on this list that’s unsafe! I did my best to do thorough research, but I feel like there were so many things to choose and think about! For reference, we live in the Midwest, so we have all four seasons, and we’re not finding out baby’s gender until birth. I will admit, I’m easily swayed by aesthetics and anxiety-based marketing, and I’m also a big planner, so I like feeling prepared, but I am well aware, this list feels like a lot. Please give me all the advice you have!
Already Gifted: • Uppababy Cruz V2 & Bassinet • Uppababy Bassinet Stand • Nuna Pipa Car Seat Ring Adapter • Munchkin Spring 2-in-1 Bouncer Rocker • Hatch Rest 2nd Gen • Quince Mongolian Cashmere Nursing Cover • Organic Cotton Crib Sheets x2 • Restoration Hardware Crib • Lalo Bath Tub • Ubbi Weighted Wipes Dispenser • Jellycat Lamb Security Blanket • Jellycat Bunny • Boon Trove Manual Breast Pump • Sophie La Girafe Teething Ring • Our Little Library • Lovevery Sensory Strands • DermaFrida Bath Brush • Philips Avent Pacifiers x2 • Comfy Cubs Pacifier Clips • DoHonest Baby Car Camera • Cozy Baby Insulated Car Seat Cover • Ollie Swaddle • Munchkin Changing Pad • PB Kids Changing Topper
Purchased Ourselves (mostly secondhand): • Yogasleep Rohm • Newton Crib Mattresss • Newton Waterproof Mattress Pad • PB Kids Crib Skirt • Maxi-Cosi Swift Playard • Lands End Canvas Tote (diaper bag) • Puj Flyte Sink Bath • PB Kids Hooded Towel • Burt’s Bees Changing Pad Cover x3 • Kissy Kissy Baby Blanket • Snuggle Me Nursing Pillow • Snuggle Me Nursing Pillow Cover • Lalo First Bites Starter Kit • Lalo Suction Plate • Lalo The Bib x2 • Philips Avent Natural Glass Bottles x4 • Motif Duo Breast Pump (insurance) • Lansinoh Breast Pump (insurance) • Lovevery Play Gym • Colugo On The Go Organizer • Love to Dream Swaddle • Halo Sleep Sack • Assorted High-Quality Baby Clothes (all thrifted — mostly onesies, footies, converter gowns, and cardigans for layering)
Baby Gear: • Nuna Pipa RX Car Seat (will be gifted by aunt) • Maxi-Cosi Magellan LiftFit Convertible Car Seat • Maxi-Cosi Moa 8-in-1 High Chair • Wildbird Aerial Carrier • Solly Baby Wrap • Momcozy Stroller Fan • Accmor Stroller Cup Holder • Uppababy Stroller Snack Tray • Uppababy Bassinet Mattress Cover
Diapering: • Ubbi Diaper Pail • Ubbi On The Go Gift Set • Diaper Caddy • Cloud Island Changing Pad Liners, Set of 3 • Water Wipes 9-Pack x4 • Costco Huggies Newborn + Size 1 Combo Pack x1 • Costco Huggies Size 1 Diapers x3 • Costco Huggies Size 2 Diapers x4 • Green Sprouts Wet Dry Bag • Ubbi Diaper Sacks 200ct • Poo-Pourri Diaper Pail Spray • Triple Paste Diaper Rash Ointment • Mustela Sprayable Diaper Rash Cream • Bumco Spatula
Feeding: • WeeSprouts 12-pack Glass Food Storage Containers • Beaba First Stage Feeding Spoon Set
Bath: • Mustela Newborn Arrival Gift Set • KeaBabies Brush and Comb Set • Ubbi Spout Cover • Skip Hop Bath Rinser • Comfy Cubs Muslin Washcloths
Nursery: • PB Kids Organic Crib Sheet x2 • Pure Enrichment Humidifier • Pure Enrichment Air Purifier • Brightroom 6-Cube Organizer • Brightroom Water Hyacinth Milk Crate x3 • Kids Hangers x15 • Songnomics Laundry Hamper • Dimmable Wall Sconces
Clothing: • Green Sprouts Bibs 5-pack x2 • Green Sprouts Swim and Sun Bucket Hat
Health and Wellness: • Socub Silicone Teether • Ezpz Oral Development Teether • Frida Baby Mobile Medicine Cabinet • Frida Baby Breathe Easy Kit • Frida Baby Electric Nail File • Frida Baby Windi 10pc • Frida Baby 3-in-1 Picker • Mustela Moisturizing Multi-Purpose Balm • Babyganics After Bite Soothing Itch Stick • Think Baby Mineral Sunscreen • BioGaia Probiotic Baby Drops • Botao Fluoride-Free Baby Toothpaste • Baby Banana Infant Teething Brush • Mommy’s Bliss Gripe Water • Mommy’s Bliss Little Gums Soothing Massage Gel • Dr. Talbots Chamomile Soothing Tablets • Tylenol Infant Pain Reliever • Ddrops Baby Vitamin D Organic Liquid Drops • LifeVac Home Kit
Postpartum Supplies: • Tucks Hemorrhoidal Pads 100ct • Lansinoh Stay Dry Nursing Pads 100ct • Rael Organic Disposable Underwear • Lansinoh Postpartum Essentials Kit • Motherlove Organic Sitz Bath Spray • Silverettes Nursing Cups • Traditional Medicinals Mother’s Milk Herbal Tea • Earth Mama Nipple Butter
Cleaning: • Bissell Little Green Carpet Cleaner • Puracy Baby Stain Remover • Puracy Baby Laundry Detergent • OXO Tot Bottle Brush
Keepsakes: • Silver Baby Cup • Silver Baptism Frame • Silver St. Christopher Baby Pin • Reed & Barton Silver Birthday Candleholder Set • Jefferies Socks Crochet Booties

Hello endo warriors - wishing you all a low pain and stress free day. :)
I’m hoping for some advice on holistic pain management for when I remove my IUD. It is overwhelming to research, review, and try out all of the options regarding diet/nutrition, supplements/vitamins, exercise/movement, alternative therapy, pelvic floor therapy, etc. I feel like I’m just throwing things at the wall and seeing what sticks and I want to be more efficient/effective.
My questions for you all: 1. HOW did you manage your pain? Are you talking over with your OBGYN, PCP, endometriosis surgeon, a nutritionist, alternative medicine specialist, all of the above?? Or are you managing on your own?

1. Is there any one thing you feel makes a big difference? One particular supplement or something that you don’t go without?

For some background: I had my lap last year and was diagnosed with stage 1. It significant improved my quality of life and reduced my pain so I could function better, However, I still have significant pain flare ups. My management plan right now is the Mirena IUD, daily 5 mg norethindrone, and 5 mg federal (cyclobenzaprine) as needed at night time when the pain is high.
Soon I’m going to be getting my IUD out and trying to conceive. I am TERRIFIED for what that means for my pain level and I’m trying to out together a plan for how to manage my pain.
What I am focusing on currently: - anti inflammatory diet (eliminating or decreasing red meat, alcohol, fried food, processed or high sugar content; increasing green vegetables and omega 3s) -movement/ lifestyle (decrease sedentary days and focus on low impact movement like yoga and walking) - stress management - high quality sleep
What I haven’t tried but may start soon, if my doctor approves works with trying to conceive: - acupuncture - magnesium - vitamins A C E D - daily incorporation of turmeric into meals (because curcumin supplements are potentially unsafe for pregnancy)
Note: I recognize that I’m incredibly lucky to be diagnosed early on and my heart hurts for all those facing later stage diagnoses and all that comes with that.

I know this is nothing new, and that I should probably just get over it, but I’m getting pretty annoyed with the flagrant misrepresentation of facts by MPs and people campaigning. I got a flyer in the mail (university district) from my MP stating that there is a “Liberal plan to ban natural health products”.
This guy is taking the updates to Vanessa’s Law (Protecting Canadians from Unsafe Drugs Act ) and stretching the truth to the extreme. From what I understand, the updates to the law will allow for:
1) Forced recalls of products that present danger 2) Enforcing proper labeling requirement (ingredients, risks, etc.) 3) Companies being obligated to disclose if there’s is a risk to consumers, and can be charged if they lie or do not disclose the information 4) The dissemination of any information related to the above, such as clinical trials that a company or individual performs.
I know that if people understood what was actually happening, they wouldn’t fall for this sort of scare tactic, but the information being presented is entirely one-sided. Will this change in laws require some items to be taken off the market? Probably. However, this will allow people to make more informed decisions for their own health and the health of your families.
If anyone wants to learn more about the changes to the law, I’ve attached a link to the government’s website.
This isn’t going to result in you not being able to buy protein powder or vitamin D, it’s just going to require the bottle of orange essential oil that you see on the shelf to have a disclaimer that says “may cause sun sensitization”.
Check in with your families. If you know anyone who is particularly susceptible to this kind of false advertising, maybe talk to them about it.
Disclaimer: I’m not a professional anything, so I might have misinterpreted some of what was updated in the law. Please correct me or add anything that I missed!

Though I don't usually post on Reddit (or anywhere), I feel I have to write this to thank everyone on here who has provided such in-depth details and advice on surgery, pre-op and post-op, before and after photos, and moral support. I know how cheesy and cliché it sounds, but these communities have really been a blessing and an invaluable source of information to get through the waiting, the anxiety and to help prepare mentally and physically for surgery.
I did not post sooner because I did not feel like I could contribute anything more than what is already available on many of these subreddits, but to be fair there aren't that many people who had non-flat top surgery / radical reduction, who are also older, have sensory issues and are afflicted by other middleaged_people's ailments 😅
This is gonna be a long-ass detailed post because those are the ones that I found most helpful. If you're overwhelmed by a lot of text, this is not for you!

BASIC INFO

I had surgery in Europe, done privately and not through insurance, and chose a clinic that does all kinds of surgery, but also specialises in trans surgeries.
While I do not identify as trans, I wanted to be able to talk to a surgeon who understands that 'as small as possible without being completely flat' actually means less than an A cup, and I did not wanna hear any bullshit about proportions and it being technically impossible or unsafe to do.
I also wanted them to understand the concept of non-binary, which seemed more likely in a place where they have to be more educated about gender than other clinics, but hey, you can't always get what you want.
The cost of the procedure was around 6000 euros (including all the meds, compression garments, extra cushions etc).
[I do not want to disclose specific details about the clinic, the location, and my experience with the doctor, but will happily do that privately, if anyone needs information. Same goes for photos.]
I was extremely skinny as a kid and puberty fucked me up in more ways than one, but specifically my boobs started growing at an alarming rate and never stopped! My chest never felt right or proportionate to my body, but up to a C cup, I could tolerate it. Around 16 (D cup by then, still skinny af) I decided I would someday get a reduction, but I am an extremely cautious person and surgery (and recovery) scared the shit out of me, plus I did not know if I ever wanted to have kids so it seemed sensible to wait.
Which brings us to 2023, exactly 23 years later, when I decided it was time to actually go for it.

PRE-OP prep

I started researching both reduction and full mastectomy, wanting to go from a DD/E cup down to A (or smaller), and largely thanks to the people on here I found out about radical reductions or non-flat top surgery.
I gathered as much information as I could, from medical journals, watching videos of actual surgeries (would not recommend), people who had gone through it, and when I felt I was educated enough that I could all but perform the surgery myself, I booked a consultation.
I wanted to avoid FNG altogether so my two options were T-anchor (keeping NAC attached) or DI without nipples. I thought T-anchor might be a problem due to the size but was told it would be absolutely fine, and so I went with that.
I did not need a gender dysphoria diagnosis (nor a psychological evaluation) as officially and technically this is a simple breast reduction and not a full mastectomy. Which was obviously great news for me but it is incredibly unfair and makes absolutely no logical sense. Either everybody - including people getting breast implants and rhinoplasty - should undergo a psychological evaluation to have elective surgery, or nobody should. The system is fundamentally flawed. I am really glad I did not have to jump through hoops to get an operation I have been planning for more than 20 years, but I do find this ridiculous and unjust. I mentioned it to the surgeon, who is the one who can truly advocate for a better system, but of course he must hear this all the time so he just agreed and smiled, and pretty much went ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . [---end of rant].
My choice of clinic was mostly based on location as I wanted to recover at home and not have to travel, but had I had the financial means I would have definitely chosen based on the surgeon and their results, not location.
I also booked a consultation with another clinic, a standard plastic surgeon who does not deal with trans surgeries, and that confirmed what I already knew, which is they would not go down to less than a C cup, no matter what.
Once I decided which clinic I would go ahead with, I asked for a second consultation because I felt we had not discussed some of the concerns I had, and had not talked about aesthetics at all.
I do not go to doctors, for many reasons but mostly because I feel they never listen and it takes multiple visits to get anywhere at all, so I have a few undiagnosed conditions, which are pretty textbook but they are also untreated, since I don't go to doctors 😅

1. I am autistic with mild OCD and have lots of sensory issues, as well as anxiety
2. I have breathing problems to do with chronic rhinitis and allergies, which cause me to sometimes choke in my sleep (laryngospasm), similarly to sleep apnea. This can be dangerous under general anesthesia
3. I have a shoulder injury that limits my movements and my sleeping options

When discussing some of these things with the surgeon, he simply read me as an anxious person and just told me it would all be OK and not to worry, that I was in good hands and to take it easy.
Unfortunately, my anxiety only subsides if you feed it INFORMATION, not reassurances and smiles. So off I went into another spiral of 8-hours-a-day research into all that can go wrong during surgery and what protocols they have in place if that happens (again, thank you Reddit and all the doctors and nurses on here!).
Aesthetics were never discussed. This made me extremely uncomfortable until the day after surgery, when I first saw the results. That was a mistake but thankfully, at least for now, I can live with it.
-- Physical health pre-op
I was not given any information on nutrition or anything like that, but was told to stop smoking and drinking 2 weeks before surgery. I don't smoke, and I stopped drinking 4 weeks before surgery.
I started taking extra supplements: in addition to vitamin D and B12 which I already take regularly, I started on quercetin + bromelain (for swelling) and switched my B12 to a multivitamin that has vitamin B complex + all the other letters : )
I am vegan, which is pretty good in itself to speed up recovery. I was advised a protein-rich diet is important pre- and post-surgery, so I started drinking one protein smoothie every day, plus consciously eating lots more tofu and pulses.
I did yoga almost every day to help with my back, knowing I would not be able to stretch for a while, and thinking that if the anesthesia didn't kill me, sleeping on my back probably would!
-- Mental health pre-op
Reading about other people's experiences was extremely helpful, although it became a bit obsessive and sometimes would take all of my focus, which is exhausting.
So what actually helped was to start actively preparing things, pretty much nesting, which took my mind off the actual operation. It also kept me busy and gave me the illusion that everything I could control was indeed under control.
I bought all the things I needed, created a 2-week meal plan that would require minimal cooking (but was also not just instant noodles and apples!) and made sure there were at least 3 people who would be available to help in case of a really tough recovery and impaired mobility.
Listening to guided meditations before sleep is something I was already doing for insomnia, but in this case the breathing exercises and body scans did ease some of the tension and prepared me for those times when overstimulation, sensory overload and uncomfortable surrounding became all a bit too much.
The one final thing that helped immensely - which might sound macabre - was making a will.
My biggest concern about this surgery was the anesthesia, and that I might die because of my breathing problems. But talking about it with a friend, she said something like: 'Well, it's not such a bad way to die, is it? You're unconscious, no idea of what's happening... it's like dying in your sleep', and that was a major breakthrough in that I realised I was absolutely not afraid to die, but rather anxious about the mess I'd leave behind if anyone had to deal with all the admin!
So I made a will, got it validated, made sure 'my affairs were in order' and literally from one day to the next, my anxiety was gone completely. Highly recommend.

SURGERY DAY

I was told no food for 8 hours before and no liquids 6 hours before. Surgery was originally scheduled at 2PM, but two days before they changed it to 11AM (having to be at the clinic at 9:30AM). Needless to say, the last minute change of plans threw me off.
I have a morning routine I cannot skip, and so I just had to rearrange it to happen at night instead.
I tried to go to bed early but could not fall asleep until after midnight. I set an alarm for 2:00 AM so I could have breakfast by 3:00. It was very unpleasant but I managed. I did my morning routine and was also able to do some yoga since I had more than 4 hours to get ready (I normally need 3).
I read pretty much everywhere that you can drink water up to 2 hours before surgery. I can't NOT drink water. I drink constantly, my parents make fun of me because I cannot leave the house without a water bottle, even if it's just for 15 minutes. So I ignored the 6-hour rule and had my last sip of water before leaving the house at 8:30 AM. I was absolutely parched by 9:30 but I was already worried enough about anesthesia without having to add the risk of choking on my own vomit.
I was also told not to wear makeup, not to style my hair, remove all piercings and nail polish. So basically every external manifestation of my personality was stripped off - thank fuck for my tattoos LOL
When I got to the clinic I changed into a robe and slippers and a series of people introduced themselves to me. Everybody was extremely nice and sweet and I absolutely loved the anesthesiologist, who I genuinely would have asked to go for a beer right there and then to bitch about the world and the weather, had I not been about to be put to sleep 😅
I was given a bunch of pills (I counted 13!!), including one for nausea. They inserted the IV and asked me to choose what I wanted to eat after. The doctor did the markings. I was told to go pee about 30 minutes before the operation was due to start.
The sequence of events here might be wrong but I was feeling pretty weak and on edge.
I was taken to the operating room and the nurses and anesthesiologist were fantastic. They made me feel at ease, were making jokes and told me everything they were doing as they were doing it. They asked me if I wanted to be told when I was about to go under, I said yes, and they did. That was honestly the part I was dreading the most, and it ended up being the best!
I woke up 2 hours later, and the first thing I said was: 'Can I please have some water' 😃 The struggle is real. When I was more awake I asked if I had drains, and was incredibly happy to find that I did not.
The nurse got me some food and came to check on me a couple of times. I honestly felt fine, just a bit woozy from the anesthesia. My friend picked me up and we got a taxi home.
The rest of the day I was absolutely in shock at how well I felt. No pain, no lack of appetite, just a bit tired and thirsty. I kept saying: 'I don't wanna jinx it, but I feel fine!'

POST-OP

I was allowed to shower two days after surgery and remove some of the tape, leaving the micropore tape on the scars only. I went for my follow-up appointment yesterday, where they changed those and told me it all looked good.
I have another follow-up in a month but for now all I have to do is change the scar tape once a week. I am not on any meds and due back to work next week.
Basically, this is the reason I felt I had no reason to share my experience: my recovery has been great so far. I feel almost embarrassed by it. I have had no pain, my mobility is almost unchanged, I still cannot lift my arms above my head, but that is it.
Sleeping has been the biggest challenge, as I am a side sleeper and have to have an arm or hand on my forehead to fall asleep. Thankfully the combination of maternity U-shaped cushion + eye mask has allowed me to sort of mimic the side sleeping and forehead thing so that's been fine.
The other major concern for me was the compression garment. I really cannot tolerate tight clothes, I cut off all the top bit of my socks because the elastic band drives me insane. I used to wear a sports bra but not for longer than 3 hours at a time because after a while I would just feel so uncomfortable that all I could think about was to go home and take it off (and I often did). So yes, the tightest bra on earth 24 hours a day for 12 weeks is not something I was looking forward to. And I have to say, I have no advice on that because I am somehow managing. I don't know why or how. I am constantly aware of it, but I can cope, at least for now.
I don't know whether to attribute the good recovery to the fact I prepared well, or that the surgery was easy and there was no liposuction, or that I had been mentally waiting for this for 20 years, but I was ready for all the worst case scenarios, and instead I got the best one. I cannot even explain how relieved I am, to the point that I keep thinking this can't be real, that I actually did die during surgery and this is all a dream / parallel reality 😄
Anyways, I'm only 8 days post-op so I could still jinx it!
Thank you again to everyone in the trans community and in the subreddits covering all this - it made everything easier and better. Before this turns into an award-acceptance speech, I shall end this incredibly long post.

Though I don't usually post on Reddit (or anywhere), I feel I have to write this to thank everyone on here who has provided such in-depth details and advice on surgery, pre-op and post-op, before and after photos, and moral support. I know how cheesy and cliché it sounds, but these communities have really been a blessing and an invaluable source of information to get through the waiting, the anxiety and to help prepare mentally and physically for surgery.
I did not post sooner because I did not feel like I could contribute anything more than what is already available on many of these subreddits, but to be fair there aren't that many people who had non-flat top surgery / radical reduction, who are also older, have sensory issues and are afflicted by other middleaged_people's ailments 😅
This is gonna be a long-ass detailed post because those are the ones that I found most helpful. If you're overwhelmed by a lot of text, this is not for you!

BASIC INFO

I had surgery in Europe, done privately and not through insurance, and chose a clinic that does all kinds of surgery, but also specialises in trans surgeries.
While I do not identify as trans, I wanted to be able to talk to a surgeon who understands that 'as small as possible without being completely flat' actually means less than an A cup, and I did not wanna hear any bullshit about proportions and it being technically impossible or unsafe to do.
I also wanted them to understand the concept of non-binary, which seemed more likely in a place where they have to be more educated about gender than other clinics, but hey, you can't always get what you want.
The cost of the procedure was around 6000 euros (including all the meds, compression garments, extra cushions etc).
[I do not want to disclose specific details about the clinic, the location, and my experience with the doctor, but will happily do that privately, if anyone needs information. Same goes for photos.]
I was extremely skinny as a kid and puberty fucked me up in more ways than one, but specifically my boobs started growing at an alarming rate and never stopped! My chest never felt right or proportionate to my body, but up to a C cup, I could tolerate it. Around 16 (D cup by then, still skinny af) I decided I would someday get a reduction, but I am an extremely cautious person and surgery (and recovery) scared the shit out of me, plus I did not know if I ever wanted to have kids so it seemed sensible to wait.
Which brings us to 2023, exactly 23 years later, when I decided it was time to actually go for it.

PRE-OP prep

I started researching both reduction and full mastectomy, wanting to go from a DD/E cup down to A (or smaller), and largely thanks to the people on here I found out about radical reductions or non-flat top surgery.
I gathered as much information as I could, from medical journals, watching videos of actual surgeries (would not recommend), people who had gone through it, and when I felt I was educated enough that I could all but perform the surgery myself, I booked a consultation.
I wanted to avoid FNG altogether so my two options were T-anchor (keeping NAC attached) or DI without nipples. I thought T-anchor might be a problem due to the size but was told it would be absolutely fine, and so I went with that.
I did not need a gender dysphoria diagnosis (nor a psychological evaluation) as officially and technically this is a simple breast reduction and not a full mastectomy. Which was obviously great news for me but it is incredibly unfair and makes absolutely no logical sense. Either everybody - including people getting breast implants and rhinoplasty - should undergo a psychological evaluation to have elective surgery, or nobody should. The system is fundamentally flawed. I am really glad I did not have to jump through hoops to get an operation I have been planning for more than 20 years, but I do find this ridiculous and unjust. I mentioned it to the surgeon, who is the one who can truly advocate for a better system, but of course he must hear this all the time so he just agreed and smiled, and pretty much went ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . [---end of rant].
My choice of clinic was mostly based on location as I wanted to recover at home and not have to travel, but had I had the financial means I would have definitely chosen based on the surgeon and their results, not location.
I also booked a consultation with another clinic, a standard plastic surgeon who does not deal with trans surgeries, and that confirmed what I already knew, which is they would not go down to less than a C cup, no matter what.
Once I decided which clinic I would go ahead with, I asked for a second consultation because I felt we had not discussed some of the concerns I had, and had not talked about aesthetics at all.
I do not go to doctors, for many reasons but mostly because I feel they never listen and it takes multiple visits to get anywhere at all, so I have a few undiagnosed conditions, which are pretty textbook but they are also untreated, since I don't go to doctors 😅
​

1. I am autistic with mild OCD and have lots of sensory issues, as well as anxiety
2. I have breathing problems to do with chronic rhinitis and allergies, which cause me to sometimes choke in my sleep (laryngospasm), similarly to sleep apnea. This can be dangerous under general anesthesia
3. I have a shoulder injury that limits my movements and my sleeping options

When discussing some of these things with the surgeon, he simply read me as an anxious person and just told me it would all be OK and not to worry, that I was in good hands and to take it easy.
Unfortunately, my anxiety only subsides if you feed it INFORMATION, not reassurances and smiles. So off I went into another spiral of 8-hours-a-day research into all that can go wrong during surgery and what protocols they have in place if that happens (again, thank you Reddit and all the doctors and nurses on here!).
Aesthetics were never discussed. This made me extremely uncomfortable until the day after surgery, when I first saw the results. That was a mistake but thankfully, at least for now, I can live with it.
-- Physical health pre-op
I was not given any information on nutrition or anything like that, but was told to stop smoking and drinking 2 weeks before surgery. I don't smoke, and I stopped drinking 4 weeks before surgery.
I started taking extra supplements: in addition to vitamin D and B12 which I already take regularly, I started on quercetin + bromelain (for swelling) and switched my B12 to a multivitamin that has vitamin B complex + all the other letters : )
I am vegan, which is pretty good in itself to speed up recovery. I was advised a protein-rich diet is important pre- and post-surgery, so I started drinking one protein smoothie every day, plus consciously eating lots more tofu and pulses.
I did yoga almost every day to help with my back, knowing I would not be able to stretch for a while, and thinking that if the anesthesia didn't kill me, sleeping on my back probably would!
-- Mental health pre-op
Reading about other people's experiences was extremely helpful, although it became a bit obsessive and sometimes would take all of my focus, which is exhausting.
So what actually helped was to start actively preparing things, pretty much nesting, which took my mind off the actual operation. It also kept me busy and gave me the illusion that everything I could control was indeed under control.
I bought all the things I needed, created a 2-week meal plan that would require minimal cooking (but was also not just instant noodles and apples!) and made sure there were at least 3 people who would be available to help in case of a really tough recovery and impaired mobility.
Listening to guided meditations before sleep is something I was already doing for insomnia, but in this case the breathing exercises and body scans did ease some of the tension and prepared me for those times when overstimulation, sensory overload and uncomfortable surrounding became all a bit too much.
The one final thing that helped immensely - which might sound macabre - was making a will.
My biggest concern about this surgery was the anesthesia, and that I might die because of my breathing problems. But talking about it with a friend, she said something like: 'Well, it's not such a bad way to die, is it? You're unconscious, no idea of what's happening... it's like dying in your sleep', and that was a major breakthrough in that I realised I was absolutely not afraid to die, but rather anxious about the mess I'd leave behind if anyone had to deal with all the admin!
So I made a will, got it validated, made sure 'my affairs were in order' and literally from one day to the next, my anxiety was gone completely. Highly recommend.

SURGERY DAY

I was told no food for 8 hours before and no liquids 6 hours before. Surgery was originally scheduled at 2PM, but two days before they changed it to 11AM (having to be at the clinic at 9:30AM). Needless to say, the last minute change of plans threw me off.
I have a morning routine I cannot skip, and so I just had to rearrange it to happen at night instead.
I tried to go to bed early but could not fall asleep until after midnight. I set an alarm for 2:00 AM so I could have breakfast by 3:00. It was very unpleasant but I managed. I did my morning routine and was also able to do some yoga since I had more than 4 hours to get ready (I normally need 3).
I read pretty much everywhere that you can drink water up to 2 hours before surgery. I can't NOT drink water. I drink constantly, my parents make fun of me because I cannot leave the house without a water bottle, even if it's just for 15 minutes. So I ignored the 6-hour rule and had my last sip of water before leaving the house at 8:30 AM. I was absolutely parched by 9:30 but I was already worried enough about anesthesia without having to add the risk of choking on my own vomit.
I was also told not to wear makeup, not to style my hair, remove all piercings and nail polish. So basically every external manifestation of my personality was stripped off - thank fuck for my tattoos LOL
When I got to the clinic I changed into a robe and slippers and a series of people introduced themselves to me. Everybody was extremely nice and sweet and I absolutely loved the anesthesiologist, who I genuinely would have asked to go for a beer right there and then to bitch about the world and the weather, had I not been about to be put to sleep 😅
I was given a bunch of pills (I counted 13!!), including one for nausea. They inserted the IV and asked me to choose what I wanted to eat after. The doctor did the markings. I was told to go pee about 30 minutes before the operation was due to start.
The sequence of events here might be wrong but I was feeling pretty weak and on edge.
I was taken to the operating room and the nurses and anesthesiologist were fantastic. They made me feel at ease, were making jokes and told me everything they were doing as they were doing it. They asked me if I wanted to be told when I was about to go under, I said yes, and they did. That was honestly the part I was dreading the most, and it ended up being the best!
I woke up 2 hours later, and the first thing I said was: 'Can I please have some water' 😃 The struggle is real. When I was more awake I asked if I had drains, and was incredibly happy to find that I did not.
The nurse got me some food and came to check on me a couple of times. I honestly felt fine, just a bit woozy from the anesthesia. My friend picked me up and we got a taxi home.
The rest of the day I was absolutely in shock at how well I felt. No pain, no lack of appetite, just a bit tired and thirsty. I kept saying: 'I don't wanna jinx it, but I feel fine!'

POST-OP

I was allowed to shower two days after surgery and remove some of the tape, leaving the micropore tape on the scars only. I went for my follow-up appointment yesterday, where they changed those and told me it all looked good.
I have another follow-up in a month but for now all I have to do is change the scar tape once a week. I am not on any meds and due back to work next week.
Basically, this is the reason I felt I had no reason to share my experience: my recovery has been great so far. I feel almost embarrassed by it. I have had no pain, my mobility is almost unchanged, I still cannot lift my arms above my head, but that is it.
Sleeping has been the biggest challenge, as I am a side sleeper and have to have an arm or hand on my forehead to fall asleep. Thankfully the combination of maternity U-shaped cushion + eye mask has allowed me to sort of mimic the side sleeping and forehead thing so that's been fine.
The other major concern for me was the compression garment. I really cannot tolerate tight clothes, I cut off all the top bit of my socks because the elastic band drives me insane. I used to wear a sports bra but not for longer than 3 hours at a time because after a while I would just feel so uncomfortable that all I could think about was to go home and take it off (and I often did). So yes, the tightest bra on earth 24 hours a day for 12 weeks is not something I was looking forward to. And I have to say, I have no advice on that because I am somehow managing. I don't know why or how. I am constantly aware of it, but I can cope, at least for now.
I don't know whether to attribute the good recovery to the fact I prepared well, or that the surgery was easy and there was no liposuction, or that I had been mentally waiting for this for 20 years, but I was ready for all the worst case scenarios, and instead I got the best one. I cannot even explain how relieved I am, to the point that I keep thinking this can't be real, that I actually did die during surgery and this is all a dream / parallel reality 😄
Anyways, I'm only 8 days post-op so I could still jinx it!
Thank you again to everyone in the trans community and in the subreddits covering all this - it made everything easier and better. Before this turns into an award-acceptance speech, I shall end this incredibly long post.

Though I don't usually post on Reddit (or anywhere), I feel I have to write this to thank everyone on here who has provided such in-depth details and advice on surgery, pre-op and post-op, before and after photos, and moral support. I know how cheesy and cliché it sounds, but these communities have really been a blessing and an invaluable source of information to get through the waiting, the anxiety and to help prepare mentally and physically for surgery.
I did not post sooner because I did not feel like I could contribute anything more than what is already available on many of these subreddits, but to be fair there aren't that many people who had non-flat top surgery / radical reduction, who are also older, have sensory issues and are afflicted by other middleaged_people's ailments 😅
This is gonna be a long-ass detailed post because those are the ones that I found most helpful. If you're overwhelmed by a lot of text, this is not for you!

BASIC INFO

I had surgery in Europe, done privately and not through insurance, and chose a clinic that does all kinds of surgery, but also specialises in trans surgeries.
While I do not identify as trans, I wanted to be able to talk to a surgeon who understands that 'as small as possible without being completely flat' actually means less than an A cup, and I did not wanna hear any bullshit about proportions and it being technically impossible or unsafe to do.
I also wanted them to understand the concept of non-binary, which seemed more likely in a place where they have to be more educated about gender than other clinics, but hey, you can't always get what you want.
The cost of the procedure was around 6000 euros (including all the meds, compression garments, extra cushions etc).
[I do not want to disclose specific details about the clinic, the location, and my experience with the doctor, but will happily do that privately, if anyone needs information. Same goes for photos.]
I was extremely skinny as a kid and puberty fucked me up in more ways than one, but specifically my boobs started growing at an alarming rate and never stopped! My chest never felt right or proportionate to my body, but up to a C cup, I could tolerate it. Around 16 (D cup by then, still skinny af) I decided I would someday get a reduction, but I am an extremely cautious person and surgery (and recovery) scared the shit out of me, plus I did not know if I ever wanted to have kids so it seemed sensible to wait.
Which brings us to 2023, exactly 23 years later, when I decided it was time to actually go for it.

PRE-OP prep

I started researching both reduction and full mastectomy, wanting to go from a DD/E cup down to A (or smaller), and largely thanks to the people on here I found out about radical reductions or non-flat top surgery.
I gathered as much information as I could, from medical journals, watching videos of actual surgeries (would not recommend), people who had gone through it, and when I felt I was educated enough that I could all but perform the surgery myself, I booked a consultation.
I wanted to avoid FNG altogether so my two options were T-anchor (keeping NAC attached) or DI without nipples. I thought T-anchor might be a problem due to the size but was told it would be absolutely fine, and so I went with that.
I did not need a gender dysphoria diagnosis (nor a psychological evaluation) as officially and technically this is a simple breast reduction and not a full mastectomy. Which was obviously great news for me but it is incredibly unfair and makes absolutely no logical sense. Either everybody - including people getting breast implants and rhinoplasty - should undergo a psychological evaluation to have elective surgery, or nobody should. The system is fundamentally flawed. I am really glad I did not have to jump through hoops to get an operation I have been planning for more than 20 years, but I do find this ridiculous and unjust. I mentioned it to the surgeon, who is the one who can truly advocate for a better system, but of course he must hear this all the time so he just agreed and smiled, and pretty much went ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . [---end of rant].
My choice of clinic was mostly based on location as I wanted to recover at home and not have to travel, but had I had the financial means I would have definitely chosen based on the surgeon and their results, not location.
I also booked a consultation with another clinic, a standard plastic surgeon who does not deal with trans surgeries, and that confirmed what I already knew, which is they would not go down to less than a C cup, no matter what.
Once I decided which clinic I would go ahead with, I asked for a second consultation because I felt we had not discussed some of the concerns I had, and had not talked about aesthetics at all.
I do not go to doctors, for many reasons but mostly because I feel they never listen and it takes multiple visits to get anywhere at all, so I have a few undiagnosed conditions, which are pretty textbook but they are also untreated, since I don't go to doctors 😅

1. I am autistic with mild OCD and have lots of sensory issues, as well as anxiety
2. I have breathing problems to do with chronic rhinitis and allergies, which cause me to sometimes choke in my sleep (laryngospasm), similarly to sleep apnea. This can be dangerous under general anesthesia
3. I have a shoulder injury that limits my movements and my sleeping options

When discussing some of these things with the surgeon, he simply read me as an anxious person and just told me it would all be OK and not to worry, that I was in good hands and to take it easy.
Unfortunately, my anxiety only subsides if you feed it INFORMATION, not reassurances and smiles. So off I went into another spiral of 8-hours-a-day research into all that can go wrong during surgery and what protocols they have in place if that happens (again, thank you Reddit and all the doctors and nurses on here!).
Aesthetics were never discussed. This made me extremely uncomfortable until the day after surgery, when I first saw the results. That was a mistake but thankfully, at least for now, I can live with it.
-- Physical health pre-op
I was not given any information on nutrition or anything like that, but was told to stop smoking and drinking 2 weeks before surgery. I don't smoke, and I stopped drinking 4 weeks before surgery.
I started taking extra supplements: in addition to vitamin D and B12 which I already take regularly, I started on quercetin + bromelain (for swelling) and switched my B12 to a multivitamin that has vitamin B complex + all the other letters : )
I am vegan, which is pretty good in itself to speed up recovery. I was advised a protein-rich diet is important pre- and post-surgery, so I started drinking one protein smoothie every day, plus consciously eating lots more tofu and pulses.
I did yoga almost every day to help with my back, knowing I would not be able to stretch for a while, and thinking that if the anesthesia didn't kill me, sleeping on my back probably would!
-- Mental health pre-op
Reading about other people's experiences was extremely helpful, although it became a bit obsessive and sometimes would take all of my focus, which is exhausting.
So what actually helped was to start actively preparing things, pretty much nesting, which took my mind off the actual operation. It also kept me busy and gave me the illusion that everything I could control was indeed under control.
I bought all the things I needed, created a 2-week meal plan that would require minimal cooking (but was also not just instant noodles and apples!) and made sure there were at least 3 people who would be available to help in case of a really tough recovery and impaired mobility.
Listening to guided meditations before sleep is something I was already doing for insomnia, but in this case the breathing exercises and body scans did ease some of the tension and prepared me for those times when overstimulation, sensory overload and uncomfortable surrounding became all a bit too much.
The one final thing that helped immensely - which might sound macabre - was making a will.
My biggest concern about this surgery was the anesthesia, and that I might die because of my breathing problems. But talking about it with a friend, she said something like: 'Well, it's not such a bad way to die, is it? You're unconscious, no idea of what's happening... it's like dying in your sleep', and that was a major breakthrough in that I realised I was absolutely not afraid to die, but rather anxious about the mess I'd leave behind if anyone had to deal with all the admin!
So I made a will, got it validated, made sure 'my affairs were in order' and literally from one day to the next, my anxiety was gone completely. Highly recommend.

SURGERY DAY

I was told no food for 8 hours before and no liquids 6 hours before. Surgery was originally scheduled at 2PM, but two days before they changed it to 11AM (having to be at the clinic at 9:30AM). Needless to say, the last minute change of plans threw me off.
I have a morning routine I cannot skip, and so I just had to rearrange it to happen at night instead.
I tried to go to bed early but could not fall asleep until after midnight. I set an alarm for 2:00 AM so I could have breakfast by 3:00. It was very unpleasant but I managed. I did my morning routine and was also able to do some yoga since I had more than 4 hours to get ready (I normally need 3).
I read pretty much everywhere that you can drink water up to 2 hours before surgery. I can't NOT drink water. I drink constantly, my parents make fun of me because I cannot leave the house without a water bottle, even if it's just for 15 minutes. So I ignored the 6-hour rule and had my last sip of water before leaving the house at 8:30 AM. I was absolutely parched by 9:30 but I was already worried enough about anesthesia without having to add the risk of choking on my own vomit.
I was also told not to wear makeup, not to style my hair, remove all piercings and nail polish. So basically every external manifestation of my personality was stripped off - thank fuck for my tattoos LOL
When I got to the clinic I changed into a robe and slippers and a series of people introduced themselves to me. Everybody was extremely nice and sweet and I absolutely loved the anesthesiologist, who I genuinely would have asked to go for a beer right there and then to bitch about the world and the weather, had I not been about to be put to sleep 😅
I was given a bunch of pills (I counted 13!!), including one for nausea. They inserted the IV and asked me to choose what I wanted to eat after. The doctor did the markings. I was told to go pee about 30 minutes before the operation was due to start.
The sequence of events here might be wrong but I was feeling pretty weak and on edge.
I was taken to the operating room and the nurses and anesthesiologist were fantastic. They made me feel at ease, were making jokes and told me everything they were doing as they were doing it. They asked me if I wanted to be told when I was about to go under, I said yes, and they did. That was honestly the part I was dreading the most, and it ended up being the best!
I woke up 2 hours later, and the first thing I said was: 'Can I please have some water' 😃 The struggle is real. When I was more awake I asked if I had drains, and was incredibly happy to find that I did not.
The nurse got me some food and came to check on me a couple of times. I honestly felt fine, just a bit woozy from the anesthesia. My friend picked me up and we got a taxi home.
The rest of the day I was absolutely in shock at how well I felt. No pain, no lack of appetite, just a bit tired and thirsty. I kept saying: 'I don't wanna jinx it, but I feel fine!'

POST-OP

I was allowed to shower two days after surgery and remove some of the tape, leaving the micropore tape on the scars only. I went for my follow-up appointment yesterday, where they changed those and told me it all looked good.
I have another follow-up in a month but for now all I have to do is change the scar tape once a week. I am not on any meds and due back to work next week.
Basically, this is the reason I felt I had no reason to share my experience: my recovery has been great so far. I feel almost embarrassed by it. I have had no pain, my mobility is almost unchanged, I still cannot lift my arms above my head, but that is it.
Sleeping has been the biggest challenge, as I am a side sleeper and have to have an arm or hand on my forehead to fall asleep. Thankfully the combination of maternity U-shaped cushion + eye mask has allowed me to sort of mimic the side sleeping and forehead thing so that's been fine.
The other major concern for me was the compression garment. I really cannot tolerate tight clothes, I cut off all the top bit of my socks because the elastic band drives me insane. I used to wear a sports bra but not for longer than 3 hours at a time because after a while I would just feel so uncomfortable that all I could think about was to go home and take it off (and I often did). So yes, the tightest bra on earth 24 hours a day for 12 weeks is not something I was looking forward to. And I have to say, I have no advice on that because I am somehow managing. I don't know why or how. I am constantly aware of it, but I can cope, at least for now.
I don't know whether to attribute the good recovery to the fact I prepared well, or that the surgery was easy and there was no liposuction, or that I had been mentally waiting for this for 20 years, but I was ready for all the worst case scenarios, and instead I got the best one. I cannot even explain how relieved I am, to the point that I keep thinking this can't be real, that I actually did die during surgery and this is all a dream / parallel reality 😄
Anyways, I'm only 8 days post-op so I could still jinx it!
Thank you again to everyone in the trans community and in the subreddits covering all this - it made everything easier and better. Before this turns into an award-acceptance speech, I shall end this incredibly long post.

TLDR - Sudden onset of constant brain fog and feeling really mentally and emotionally drained.
Hello friends. I really need some people to just bounce off of who understand what I'm going through right now. I've spoken to doctor after doctor and none of them seem even remotely concerned and keep telling me to rest.
Around 6 weeks ago I started a one week dose of doxycycline (an antibiotic) because a blood test showed my body was fighting multiple infections (I felt relatively okay). As soon as I started these antibiotics, my body became a zombie. I was so physically exhausted that I was constantly feeling as if I were going to fall asleep. I pushed through that week and began to feel better as soon as the medicine had cleared my body.
About a week after I finished the antibiotics I found myself back to normal. Suddenly, I was unable to sleep for two nights straight and on the third day realised I was dizzy and disorientated (makes sense since I didn't sleep?).
My sleep went back to normal pretty much straight after that though my symptoms have remained.
It's been three weeks now and I can't focus, I feel like my eyes are constantly strained, it feels as if the world is moving slightly faster than my brain (think how you are when you're drunk/tipsy). I'm not forgetting words or seeing double and the world isn't spinning around me but I can't watch TV, I can't look at a computer screen at work (I've lost my job now 🙃). I honestly feel a little sensitive to light???
I'm not getting answers and doctors are brushing me off. I feel like a burden and I'm worried that I'm going to have to move back home to an unsafe environment. Like surely sudden onset of Brain Fog and confusion and an inability to focus is not normal? I've dealt with exhaustion from high blood sugar when I was diagnosed T2D and it was nothing like this. My bloods are normal. No recent COVID, no recent anything (the bloods were to check my diabetes). My iron is fine, my blood count is perfect, my vitamin and mineral check is perfect. No heart issues (EKG already done), no blood pressure issues, no cholesterol or kidney or liver issues. My diabetes is basically non-existent due to managing it well.
I only started feeling like this after I started those antibiotics. Its constant. I feel like this always. I sleep 10 hours a night. I have a sleep study to confirm sleep apnea but I've struggled with that for most of my life why would it course these kind of symptoms now?
Did I just push my body past a breaking point and it can't come back?
Sorry for the convolution towards the end but I feel so alone. I feel like a mess. I'm normally so put together. I had an amazing stress free job that paid really well. I participate in multiple weekly social events and sing and perform in community and professional settings in my city. I'm 23 and I should be in my prime and it's all been stripped away in a matter for two months... 🙃

Hi, I'm planning to get a leopard gecko soon, but beforehand I want to make sure I 100% know everything to ensure I'm giving it the best life possible.
I'm already planning to get maybe a 40 gallon or maybe a bigger tank, and im planning for it to be bioactive and have substrate.
Questions:

• Are heat mats okay? I'm not sure if I've got my information mixed up, but I've heard from somewhere that having heat coming from beneath is unsafe/not okay. Is this true?
  
• When it is nighttime and I turn my lights off, do I need to also turn off the heating for the enclosure?
  
• I'm confused about the D3 stuff, can the gecko have it or not? I need some more detail about the whole calcium thing, what vitamin stuff to get etc.
  
• What are brands I should 100% stay away from regarding substrate, and which are recommended?
  
• What are the best insects to feed regularly + how many?
  
• How do I best prevent too high or too low humidity?
  
• Best brand for heat lamps? I'm planning for overhead heating.
  
• Any over-all tips you would want to give someone that's getting their first reptile?
  

Low Test i’m trying to fix
Let’s get a few things straight, I’m a fairly young but full grown adult male not some kid trying to get his hands on shit. I’m not fat at all I’m very fit, if I had to guess around 15% body fat or so. I have been working out since high-school so I have a good 5+ years in the gym. (Side note I’ve always wanted to compete someday so gyms very important to me) My sleeps not the best but I wouldn’t say it’s bad either. My diet sometimes is bad when I have an insanely busy week but it’s usually good eating healthy with about 100+ grams of protein a day (low estimate). I drink probably once a week but it’s usually just a little with friends. I have been feeling like shit for a long time and just thought I was depressed not trying hard enough in life etc… Was talking to someone they mentioned to get my hormones checked out. In around December I get bloodwork done and testosterone came back sub roughly 290ng/dl . I went to a doctor about this and said it was probably an error with the test and ordered more bloodwork. This time it came back 300ng/dl. Doctor wanted to wait 2 months and try again. I started taking all essential vitamins getting more fats in and trying to get my sleep dialed in. All this and my test came back at about 390nd/dl. I feel like I shot myself in the foot here because of the most recent 390 results doctor said he can’t classify my as low test since it’s not in the 350 or below range. I know all of the risks and the pain but I want to start TRT. Went to another doctor to talk about this and they are very opposed to it just because I’m a young male. Not sure what to do at this point. I bought some HCG and Enclomaphine from an online “pharmacy”. I tested it before taking and drugs are what they say they are. Planning to take 500iu HCG 2x a week and enclo everyday 10mg. I don’t like this route because it just feels unsafe they aren’t from a regulated pharmacy. In addition it’s also hard to find a doctor that will listen to me. In addition it’s hard to find one that will take me as a patient a lot of places have an age requirement of mid 20s. Lmk thoughts, advice, etc… would love to hear people’s thoughts and opinions to. Feel free to ask questions too.

Let’s get a few things straight, I’m a fairly young but full grown adult male not some kid trying to get his hands on shit. I’m not fat at all I’m very fit, if I had to guess around 15% body fat or so. I have been working out since high-school so I have a good 5+ years in the gym. (Side note I’ve always wanted to compete someday so gyms very important to me) My sleeps not the best but I wouldn’t say it’s bad either. My diet sometimes is bad when I have an insanely busy week but it’s usually good eating healthy with about 100+ grams of protein a day (low estimate). I drink probably once a week but it’s usually just a little with friends. I have been feeling like shit for a long time and just thought I was depressed not trying hard enough in life etc… Was talking to someone they mentioned to get my hormones checked out. In around December I get bloodwork done and testosterone came back sub roughly 290ng/dl . I went to a doctor about this and said it was probably an error with the test and ordered more bloodwork. This time it came back 300ng/dl. Doctor wanted to wait 2 months and try again. I started taking all essential vitamins getting more fats in and trying to get my sleep dialed in. All this and my test came back at about 390nd/dl. I feel like I shot myself in the foot here because of the most recent 390 results doctor said he can’t classify my as low test since it’s not in the 350 or below range. I know all of the risks and the pain but I want to start TRT. Went to another doctor to talk about this and they are very opposed to it just because I’m a young male. Not sure what to do at this point. I bought some HCG and Enclomaphine from an online “pharmacy”. I tested it before taking and drugs are what they say they are. Planning to take 500iu HCG 2x a week and enclo everyday 10mg. I don’t like this route because it just feels unsafe they aren’t from a regulated pharmacy. In addition it’s also hard to find a doctor that will listen to me. In addition it’s hard to find one that will take me as a patient a lot of places have an age requirement of mid 20s. Lmk thoughts, advice, etc… would love to hear people’s thoughts and opinions to. Feel free to ask questions too.

My significant symptoms started around the end of last decade, but I have never had COVID or a serious viral infection that could have caused it. The only thing I can think of is prolonged stress since I've been struggling with severe housing instability and the subsequent trauma from unsafe environments or just mistreatment, but I'm worried I'll have a harder time verifying it's ME/CFS from this angle.
I first started trying to seek medical treatment for fatigue around early 2022, it's now 2yrs later and I'm still without a diagnosis, and I don't know if I should push for ME/CFS -now- or continue running the gamut of other fatigue-causing conditions.
My doctor's first go to was the mental illness route. Even with medication and therapy, there was no change there. I don't have the signs of Sleep Apnea, and we treated sporadic sleep troubles with Trazodone, but there's no change so we ruled out anything sleep related. I saw a cardiologist, got a surgery to fix pressure on my heart in Feb 2023, and while there's still some abnormalities with how my heart developed, there's nothing significantly "wrong" with it's functioning anymore (so no POTS either).
I moved back to my home state recently and started up with another doctor. We went over medications (symptoms existed long before I started taking any), and he had me do blood tests to rule out anything those could cover like thyroid problems, diabetes, HepB, vitamin deficiencies, cancers, anemia. Myasthenia Gravis test came back negative. I'm not overweight.
I saw a pulmonologist as well because one of my key symptoms during severe fatigue episodes is an impulsive "gasp" for air every so often- but not frequently enough that it's a case of hyperventilating. Nothing came back on the Pulmonary function tests.
I got a brain MRI (no contrast) before I moved and had one appointment with a neurologist, she said there were lesions but they weren't in the right spot for MS. I was diagnosed with "Essential Tremor". I haven't asked about early onset Parkinson's yet.
I asked if I should check my cortisol levels, and he said I didn't have any of the other symptoms of low cortisol, and that insurance might not approve it but he'll put it through (my thought was Cushing's but since I'm not overweight, it wouldn't be possible to see the physical markers of Cushing's.
I do also have Stickler Syndrome, which is a connective tissue disorder vaguely within the same realm as Ehler's Danlos which is on the comorbidities list, but I'm not sure if there could be any relation there.
My next appointment with my PCP is in June. Should I ask now if we should just look into ME/CFS? Or is there more I should check before presenting ME/CFS?

I'm a Case alumni who later transferred to another school. I will be upfront about my bias that I did not have a good experience at Case so keep my bias in mind. However, I do find these college subreddits also have selection bias for people who are more upbeat and positive about their schools, so I just want to provide a different take.
As you weigh your college options, keep this in mind about Case:
Cons:

1. Cleveland, compared to most major US cities, is not a good place - It is very dangerous and crimes will even happen right outside campus. Sometimes even on campus. I am not kidding about that last part. Granted usually they are at like 2am and someone was walking home drunk and alone, but the city has a very high crime rate. The parts of the city that are not unsafe tend to be boring and akin to what you can get in any middle class suburb, rather than a large city. I hear Cleveland has improved since I was there but still it is not a fun place. In fact, people often drive out to the suburbs for more fun stuff to do.
   
2. Weather is terrible - I'm surprised at all the people saying "It's nothing you can't handle with a warm jacket." No. It gets very VERY cold. Perhaps you are from the East Coast and you have cold winters too but Cleveland is next level. I'm talking an average temperature of 5 degrees in January and February. That was Fahrenheit btw, NOT Celsius. A few days a year the weather may get as low as -15 Fahrenheit... It will get so cold that they may even cancel classes those days. It's also not just cold, there's loads of snow. Again, if you're from the East Coast (or west coast) you might think snow sounds fun but not when you have to walk through it every day and when it comes down in insane quantities. I took a photo my freshman year next to a glass window when the snow was literally above my head. Worse than the cold and the snow though is that it is just always cloudy and gloomy out. Even when it's Spring or Summer the sun doesn't come out often. This constant cloudiness and lack of vitamin D can make you feel constantly down in the dumps.
   
3. Many if not most students at Case are socially awkward - This is not atypical of engineering-based schools in general, so if you are planning to attend one of the CMUs, RITs, Georgia Tech's, etc this will probably be the case at all of them (no pun intended). But as it's a very engineering and STEM focused school, most students are very nerdy. If you are a nerdier person and your idea of a wild Friday night is DND or playing Dota until the sun comes out, then Case may be for you. But if you are looking for a more conventional college experience, you will find Case frustrating. Most students are mildly socially awkward but still within acceptable range, but I would say about 10% of the campus is socially awkward/peculiar to a point where any interaction with them is impossible. You will meet some of the strangest people you have ever met here.
   
4. Parties are not that common and small - Let me clarify, this is still college so of course there will be parties. Tbh though you kind of have to seek them out and also know the right people to know which apartment or dorm they are being hosted at. As I said earlier, most students at Case are nerdy and do not party at all. They just stay in all day playing video games. You have to specifically make friends with the party kids to have access to them. And because they are a smaller part of the student body, the parties will be smaller and more tame as a result. Frats will frequently throw parties, but tbh those are kinda just for freshmen and get old very fast.
   
5. Everyone has a chip on their shoulder that they are at Case - School spirit is nonexistent. The reason for this is because Case was not anyone's first choice. Most people applied to Case as a safety option or a middle of the pack school on their list and had to go there when they got rejected from everywhere else or Case was the only school that gave them a good financial aid/scholarship package. For people who wonder "why does Case have such high average GPA/SAT scores yet not a higher ranking?" this is why. Almost everyone has a chip on their shoulder that they aren't at an ivy league school, or CMU or their well-regarded state school instead (like Michigan, UCLA, UVA etc). This general vibe of everyone being discontent and dwelling on the past will affect you and bring you down too.
   

Now, time for:
Pros:

1. It's a great place for a future STEM career - If you don't care much about how fun your undergrad experience is and you mostly are focused on your future career then Case can be a great option. The labs here are world-class, and if you are able to find opportunities at Cleveland Clinic, one of the best hospitals in the world, it can really boost a future med school/STEM career. Case also has a great reputation in engineering and engineer graduates from here do well. I've even known people who wound up working at NASA! If you get good grades here (provided you are a STEM major) you will do well in your career.
   
2. Lots of clubs and frats - If you like Greek life you will like the frat culture at Case. There is also a frat for every kind of culture you want to be a part of. The number of clubs is also very robust esp for a relatively smaller school. Especially if you really like nerdier stuff like anime or DND you will have a blast, but there is also loads of stuff like fencing and and aikido and anything else if you want to learn something new.
   
3. If you were not "cool" in high school and want to be "cool" in college, that's easy at Case - As I mentioned above, Case is filled with nerdy and socially awkward people. So if you are just a normal not socially awkward person, it is very easy to stand out and suddenly be regarded as "one of the cool kids." Maybe you were a loser in high school, but just the fact that you don't spend a chunk of a first date talking about World of WarCraft means you are now one of the most socially suave people on campus. I've seen people who definitely would've been considered nerds in high school get with and even marry attractive women at Case, just because non-awkward men at Case are slim pickings.
   
4. Cleveland has a great sports scene - If you are really into pro sports and want to be a part of the local NFL/NBA/MLB culture at the city of your college, Cleveland is pretty good. As much as I made fun of Cleveland above, I will say Cleveland is a very passionate sports fan base. The sports school spirit at Case itself is nonexistent. Literally no one goes to games. But if you want to go to sports games in Cleveland, you will not find a more passionate and loyal fanbase than Cleveland. The Browns were the laughingstock of the NFL for decades, yet Browns fans remain ride or die fans. That alone says a lot about Cleveland as a sports city.
   
5. If you are not a party person Case can be a nice chill place - As I mentioned above, lots of people at Case don't party at all as many are huge gamers and recluses. The party crowd therefore is smaller. Because of this, they are happy to have anyone hanging with them and usually there won't be huge peer pressure to drink. You just need to say no a couple times and they will stop, it won't be like at state schools where you are ostracized for being a teetotaler and seen as a killjoy or "lacking school spirit." This will obviously depend on your group of friends and some people will still really pressure you to drink. But for the most part it's easy to find people who will let you go to parties and not drink, or who just want to chill on Friday/Saturday nights with movie nights or dinner at a restaurant etc.
   

Make what you will of what I wrote above. My personal verdict?
In my opinion, unless you are a nerdy person who is a hardcore gamer (sports games don't count) and don't enjoy socializing, I would not recommend Case Western. There can be career benefits in STEM, but if you get good grades at your lower-ranked state school you will still have those options available to you. If it's between Case Western and say a typical state school like Rutgers, Penn State, or University of Washington, I would pick your state school unless Case is giving you a massive scholarship you can't refuse.

I’ve been a picky eater since I was a kid and when I heard about ARFID years ago I thought maybe it could describe me, but I’m not sure if I’m picky enough.
I think part of it is because while my parents knew I was a very picky eater as a kid, they knew kids who would exclusively eat chicken nuggets & Mac & cheese so I always felt like I could be worse? But also my parents would’ve never accomodated that type of eating.
If we had food I didn’t like as a kid, I usually would just end up not eating. Like forced to have a couple bites and being made fun of while I gagged and then just stating “I’m not hungry” to keep from eating the rest. I never ate any vegetables growing up as I hated the taste and texture.
I am still very picky and do not eat new foods often and have limited foods I eat. But I feel like it is still more varied than what I usually see described for ARFID. It also really depends on my mental health as I find it much harder to try new foods or eat different foods when I’m extremely stressed.
I also know I have safe foods, but I struggle since I get really bored fast of the same foods. I do think there’s some mental block around feeling bad for eating the same food, but I also feel like I can’t eat the same thing over & over. But this means then I struggle a ton with finding food to eat everyday. It feels like such a limited pallate of things and I don’t even know if day to day even a “safe” food will be good.
Eating feels like a fucking chore and I’m exhausted.
I feel like I’m a lot better about trying new foods these days, but it’s usually because I realized that a lot of cuisines have a meal that is chicken with a sauce that I can eat. Going to new restaurants makes me anxious especially with lots of people, but I can find something and if I don’t like it I just pick at it and hope no one notices I didn’t eat. But I’ve found stuff I really like such a chicken tikka masala & Korean bulgogi beef in recent years that I would’ve never tried before.
Texture has always been one of the worst things for me. I think one of the worst offenders is things like lettuce since it gets sneaked into things. For instance I like Taco Bell beef tacos, but always no lettuce but sometimes there’s a tiny piece that ends up in there and it makes me gag and usually unable to finish the food.
Idk I feel like I could be a lot worse even though I constantly have no idea what I’m going to eat each day. And when I went to the doctor in December I learned my vitamin D & iron levels were extremely low. So my diet is certainly not helping me. I feel like I’m a kid with my diet and I am embarrassed for people to know how many foods I don’t eat (especially things like vegetables). I hate having to get people to accommodate my picky eating or having them hear me order a meal at a restaurant and watch me ask for everything off of it so it’s as plain as possible.
I feel like I would rather skip a meal than eat something that is unsafe for me. It becomes physically impossible to eat anyways and so that just becomes my only option. It was really bad in college & after when I lived alone since I am not motivated by hunger especially with ADHD I could easily just not eat. I live with my partner now who helps with food a lot but I hate what a burden I am since it’s so hard to do on my own
I feel like I’m on the edge of a diagnosis, but I’m not quite there because I’m not as restrictive as I could be? I know it’s a spectrum, but I just want to know how restrictiveness varies in folks. Also I think I just needed to vent about all this because regardless of ARFID or not it is really distressing and embarrassing and sometimes I feel like I’m never going to reliably have food to eat

I am a 30 year old F. I’m 5 ft and 149 lbs. 36 weeks pregnant. I’m on prenatals for pregnancy and iron for anemia and also take vitamin c.
I have a question about labor and delivery. I was told my obstetrician may not be the one delivering the baby. So I wanted to ask you guys if this is a reasonable request during labor.
I wanted to know if it’s appropriate to ask for pain management prior to an epidural. Let me explain a bit, I was told once the epidural was given you needed to stay in bed because your bottom half will lose feeling and falls/injuries can happen.
But I want to have a more intimate bond with my husband. Like slow dance or walk around the room a bit, or use one of those big balls you sit on. Would I be able to request pain medication during that time?
And when the pain gets unbearable would I still be able to ask for an epidural? The thought of being stuck in a bed and stressed and in pain is kind of stressing me out.
I just didn’t know if you can only choose one or the other? Or if what I am thinking is unsafe or unreasonable.
TIA

★ since i was young ꒰ about 2-3 i think? ꒱ i’ve struggled a lot with food but have always just been labelled “fussy” or “very picky” for my strange restrictive eating habits.
★ texture, taste, smell, and temperature are huge factors in this. for example slimy or slippery fruits or puddings are a HUGE no. also pretty wary of smell and taste. tend to gravitate towards dry, crunchy, snack-type foods that aren’t very nutritious because they are more reliable and it’s less likely to run into an unexpected texture that’ll put me off. due to this issue i struggle a lot with eating healthy - especially vegetables and fruit - and have been quite underweight since i was young plus had anemia and vitamin deficiencies.
★ some things i’ve just never been able to eat or drink and some things i used to be able to eat them until i had a bad experience related or due to them. and there are some veggies i can only cope with when cooked in a certain way.
★ the amount of times i’ve been forcefed and ﾉ or punished because i got upset about eating all throughout my life is so many. have always dreaded mealtimes😓
★ as i grew up a bit i somehow managed to expand my palate a little ꒰ trying new foods is so terrifying ꒱ but for a while now it’s become even more difficult and my list of safe foods drastically decreased for a number of reasons. things that made my ARFID-type restrictive eating even worse later on was purposeful restricted eating to try lose weight and extreme contamination OCD and the fear of mould + spoiled ﾉ rotten food .
★ the thing is, i’m having ED treatment right now with CAMHS and no one seems to understand that i’m not only struggling to eat most foods out of fear of gaining weight but also of fear of leaving my comfort zone and exposing myself to unsafe food with uncomfortable textures and tastes that feel dangerous and horrifying. even my own family members who’ve known me forever. recovery is incredibly difficult when you already dealt with a different type of restrictive eating before developing an anorexic sort of mindset on top of that. please help!! also - note that i’m autistic ꒰ only recently diagnosed, as a high masking POC girl ꒱

My 41F Primary Progressive partner has hit a mobility tipping point. Diagnosed almost 10 years ago with what we now know as symptoms a handful of years further back.
Over the past 4 - 5 years we've progressed from taking a folding cane in her backpack just in case, to needing the cane to walk confidently, to a walker for additional stability, a transport chair for airports and longer outings, to now using a mobility scooter, the final change necessitated by muscle spasticity.
I've encouraged all of these tools, even when she was reluctant, because it meant the disease was taking from her. I'll add that during these years, she's commuted to her excellent job in the city via public transport (driving isn't feasible with traffic), another indicator of her determination and resilience.
These mobility tools have allowed her to continue to go into the office - her job/employment is a critical part of her happiness and self worth - and allowed her to get out into the world on the weekend. Where I feel we're now underprepared is inside the home.
The recent rapid onset of muscle spasticity in her legs has been devastating to her mobility and very trying on her physical and mental well being. It's what brought on the transition from walker to mobility scooter and has made everyday activity on two feet painful, unsafe and scary.
She is now using the walker to slowly shuffle around our (thankfully smaller) single level rental, including using it to get to the bathroom at night. A change from her cane, that resulted in collapses, falls and a number of bumps and bruises over the last handful of weeks. It's a challenge to get up from her chair or the bed and also off the toilet. I am happy to lift her up and get her set and it's happening more frequently. She can manage to get to the car if she wants to pick up groceries, see a friend that's comfortable helping her along or to get to an acupuncture appointment, where she can park directly out front, for example.
She received an 'uninspiring' reply today from her Neuro after I asked that she please reach out to update them and see if they can provide any reassurance, comments or suggestions. I know there's not much they can do, but uninspiring seems to be the standard for MS Neuros. She has her six month DMT, pee medicine, drop foot meds, muscle relaxers, vitamins, minerals, magnesium spray, CBD, cannabis. She's not scared to try or add to her regimen.
My questions/ask of the sub is what's next? What tools can we add to our home to help her get up and stay up? What tools are there for people living with more advanced physical disability? We haven't had to venture this far into this new reality just yet.
How does one go about getting help in the home? We have great HMO insurance coverage and I know we need to start there. I occasionally travel for a night or two for work and I'm terrified to leave her alone or with our younger child. I've had to come home from work, as she can't get up after collapsing. I routinely get called into another room to help her up to her walker, including off the toilet in the middle of the night. We live away from family and don't have neighbors who can come in and pick her up.
Any experience, suggestions, direction...I'm here for it all.

My journey with perimenopause and sudden perimenopause anxiety.
April 7th 2024 update
Seeing more improvement overall in anxiety, definitely went through some more extreme ups and downs in between though, my hormones must still be fluctuating a lot and I think my estrogen has gone through several drops because my hot flashes have gotten worse in stages. My whole face turns red during a hot flash now and feels like sunburn. My anxiety is improving even as my physical symptoms fluctuate. I think it's easier to realize now that something physical is happening so my mind doesn't worry about what's happening it understands what's happening. My moods have become less fearful and more angry. Sex has lost all appeal, which is weird I used to be very sexual and now it just sounds gross and exhausting. I don't even want men to talk to me, they just want to take so much and I'm running on empty I need all my self care to go towards me.
Still taking my Nortrel 5/35 birth control, multi vitamin, probiotic, vitamin C, salmon oil, cod liver oil, D3, calcium and magnesium glycinate supplements. Have added taking a pinch of salt in the morning, mid day and before bed for electrolytes. Am eating more frequently as I've discovered my hot flashes are worse between meals especially if I go to long without eating. Have increased my carb intake and sugar intake and that's helping me feel a lot less weak confused achy and anxious. Or maybe it's the salt that's helping 🤔
Also tried yoga but a very easy simple yoga that is more stretching and gentle rest called restorative yoga. The peace of the nature sounds music, the happy ladies, the colorful studio, I almost fell asleep while in a comfortable pose. I'll definitely keep doing it for flexibility, mental peace and a sense of community ❤️
Hung a hammock and bamboo wind chimes in the yard so now I have a peaceful spot to sit 🥰
Because massage has been so beneficial for everything I am also going to try acupuncture, my appointment is towards the middle of the month. I'll report back on how that goes.
I got a light therapy box. Unsure if that helps but I'm using it every morning while I eat breakfast.
I'm trying to give myself things to look forward to to give me hope and keep me going, have plans to go see a comedian perform and going to a concert once I've saved up for tickets.
Tried the over the counter estrogen cream with my continuous birth control and they do NOT play well together. I'm not sure if they were canceling each other out or just giving me the wrong amount of hormones but my fluctuates felt worse so I stopped the cream.
I definitely feel like Nortrel makes the waves of hormonal ups and downs less extreme but doesn't eliminate them or reduce them as much as I'd like. I feel like it eliminates the good ups I used to have when I was ovulating and estrogen was high but doesn't eliminate the lows whenever my estrogen drops, sort of hard to explain but it's like I feel less awful because I feel less good, my body has gotten used to consistent mid level suck, no more crushing lows but no more wonderful highs. I feel like I used to feel on my menstrual cycle all the time, emotional and physically icky, I think I need more estrogen and real estrogen not birth control estrogen that holds you at the luteal phase, I want to still experience the follicular phase where estrogen is high and I feel good. I'm hoping to get a Dr to prescribe me the Dotti estrogen patch and Nora-BE Norethindrone progestin only birth control pill because it's the only kind of progesterone I've been able to tolerate. My primary care Dr is referring me to a gynecologist who will hopefully be willing to try that, my primary is amazing but due to my age, 37, she is uncomfortable going outside the general medical guidelines and prescribing me HRT she is only comfortable prescribing birth control. Hope this gives y'all some hope, I definitely feel more hopeful, the fact that things are fluctuating and changing gives me the hope that they can continue to change and change for the better. Just being able to read everyone else's experiences and see I'm not alone helps so much 💖☺️
March 2nd 2024 update
Have seen a lot of improvement since my last post! Anxiety is lower, feeling about 80% normal, hot flashes are almost gone and night sweats have stopped completely!! 😃🥰
Still taking my Nortrel 5/35 birth control, salmon oil, cod liver oil, D3, calcium and magnesium glycinate supplements.
Changes I made around the time of my last update that I think deserve the credit for my improvement:
My new Life Extension multivitamin.
Making sure to take my probiotics every single day instead of just randomly when I remembered. I was inspired because I read probiotics can help with anxiety.
Started increasing my vitamin C because I used to take a LOT of vitamin C to help with allergies and also had lowest anxiety those years of my life but didn't make the connection it might have been the vitamin C helping until I recently read vitamin C lowers cortisol so went back to taking large amounts of vitamin C and the same brand I was taking years ago. I take 1,000mg when I wake up, a 1,000mg 5 hours later, 1,000mg 5 hours after that and 1,000mg right before bed.
Have been using Life-Flo estriol and estradiol cream every morning as soon as I wake up.
I'm not sure which of those things are helping or if they are all helping but because I finally feel alive I won't be stopping any of them to see which ones are helpful. Right when I started trying those things I tried cutting my birth control pill in half and had the worst day of my life so as much as I'd like to stop birth control and switch to just the cream and supplements I can't do that yet 😣
Getting a massage with lavender oil once a week is still extremely helpful in releasing tension from my body which reduces my mental anxiety 💜
I've also been standing up for myself more with people, finding things to look forward to in the future, doing anything that makes me feel safe and happy, I got an extremely short haircut for me because I love how it looks and how easy is to style even though I knew it would make others unhappy because I wouldn't look how they wanted me to look, we don't owe anyone sacrificing our comfort for their comfort if someone in your life doesn't support you being happy and healthy they don't deserve to be in your life. As someone who has put everyone else's needs before their own this is hard to learn but worth it ☺️💕
Best wishes to you all, there is hope, perimenopause and anxiety are a rough healing process and transformation but it gets better, you WILL GET BETTER!! ❤️☺️
February 17th 2024 update
PS: I only posted my first update on Facebook so if I post this somewhere else sorry if that's confusing, I included my first update below ☺️❤️
I tried Nortrel 1/35 birth control because I've had the most relief from Nortrel 5/35, the increase in progestin progesterone made my anxiety worse and brought back my hot flashes. In my mind that and all the other birth control types and usp real progesterone cream I've tried confirm that at least currently my issue is being to low in estrogen and anything that raises my progesterone level makes the estrogen deficiency symptoms worse because I'm further off balancing the ratio of progesterone to already low estrogen. Oh and the other brands of birth control I've used sound lower in progesterone because of the dose but the types of progesterone are stronger so as far as my research has lead me in the USA at least Nortrel is the lowest dose progestin progesterone birth control because the Northrindone is the weakest progestin progesterone 🙂
In my opinion my remaining options to try and combat this anxiety are:
Number #1 trying to stick Nortrel 5/35 out longer than 3 months, I've been on it 3 different times and then got off to try different BC pills, I've heard some people feel even more relief at 6 months so I could try to stick it out 6 months.
Number #2 trying Nortrel 5/35 plus the addition of an over the counter usp estrogen estriol or estriol and estradiol cream. Estro-life brand usp estriol cream or Life-flo estriol and estradiol cream. I've read conflicting things about wether they'd work while on a birth control pill or if the birth control pill cancels them out.
Number #3 trying a .35mg Norethindrone progestin progesterone only birth control because that's the same progestin in Nortrel but less and that would be a good way to lower my progesterone and eliminate the artificial estrogen in the birth control pills sort of weaning myself to less birth control. I could also ad estrogen by using one of the above mentioned estrogen creams.
Number #4 try to convince my Dr to prescribe me real prescription estrogen pills that I can take with a .35mg Norethindrone only birth control.
Number #5 if none of these gives me additional relief or if they do but it's still not enough relief trying the 5mg Paxil my Dr prescribed. I've read Paxil and other SSRIS actually RAISE estrogen levels in the men and women that take them. My hope is just raising my estrogen levels will help and I can avoid the Paxil completely. If I try the Paxil I've read being on birth control or HRT actually makes it more effective so I might try it in addition to one of those 🤔
I'll probably try these options in the order listed above since I listed them in the order of easiest to hardest for me and because I'm already on Nortrel 5/35 so I should stick out trying it a little longer before trying the other options 🙂
Also since my first update I have tried lemon balm, passion flower and chamomile supplements and the only one that worked for my anxiety was chamomile but it actually works pretty well! 😃 I take it in the morning when my anxiety is at it's worst, Vitacost brand 900mg capsules. Chamomile tea has worked for me too in the evening before bed.
I have also switched brands of multivitamin to Life Extension Plant Based multivitamin. I like that it's cheaper lol 😂 than my previous multi, I'm poor 😆 and that the B vitamin levels are lower than my prior multivitamin because I've tested unsafely high in B levels before. I also like that the Folate they used is a more absorbable type, some people are genetically unable to absorb certain types of folate but everyone can absorb this type, also like the high levels of zinc and selenium and now that I'm not bleeding the fact that it doesn't contain iron ☺️❤️ If you're still menstruating you might need an additional iron supplement. Oh and the fact that it doesn't contain copper, LOTS of multivitamins contain copper and that makes my anxiety WAY worse!!
Hope my trial and error helps save someone else trying so many things or leads them in the direction of what works for them. Wishing you health and happiness and peace on this journey we will make it through stronger and happier 🙏❤️☺️
January 20th 2024 update:
Warning loong post lol. Hope but also trigger warning 🙏❤️⚠️ depression and anxiety.
Because other women have given me the hope to try and survive this stage, this transformation , even though I feel like I am walking through quicksand, piloting my body like a ghost, I know I have made tiny bits of progress every day and that my mind has already blocked out some of the worst stages so I feel I should document to the best of my recollection what I can remember of the waves of upes and downs before I forget. Try and give others hope and to myself when I forget I've made any progress.
I started out in 2023 a bit before my 37th birthday thinking I was dying. Had EVERY test possible, blood, hormone, vitamin, genetic, head MRI, chest x-rays, EKGs, thyroid, diabetic, iron, upper endoscopy, ultrasound, h-pilori, STD, tick born illness, and others I can't think of off the top of my head. Wracked up a wild amount of medical bills because I was experiencing, chest pain, shortness of breath, anxiety, panic attacks, numb hands and sometimes feet, face numbness, tingling, depression, left rib pain, matching back/spine pain, tingling brain, dizziness, vertigo, nausea, digestive issues, eye floaters, thinning vaginal lips, drenching night sweats, hot flashes that felt like panic attacks, bad dreams, paranoia, missed menstrual cycles, painful menstrual cycles, heavy long menstrual cycles, clots, ovarian pain, cramps, brain fog, forgetting simple words and having to point at things, and maybe more symptoms I'm forgetting.
It's been about 8 months since I was hit like a train with the worst of it. Looking back I think perimenopause may have started 3-4 years ago around 2020 with a slight drop in sex drive, thinning vaginal lips, morning diarrhea and eye floaters.
2021 sex drive dropped a little more, menstrual cycles got shorter, went from a consistent medium flow 7 days to a heavy 4.
2022 I don't remember any huge changes.
2023 was of course when I got hit with the worst of it and realized I was in perimenopause.
Now in January 2024 I have added worse depression and extreme loss of libido but brain fog has improved, sleep has improved, dreams aren't as bad, paranoia and digestive issues are mostly gone.
Things I've tried within the last 8 months.
Things that have helped a little:
For Sleep;
Goli Dreamy Sleep gummies, one before bed, only 2 or 3 nights a week as it seems to loose effectiveness if taken to often.
Traditional Medicine Nighty Night Original tea with passion flower a cup anywhere from an hour to 30 minutes before bed.
Watching ASMR videos on YouTube especially nature ones or soothing anxiety cutting or plucking, lots of types to many to mention.
For overall wellbeing;
Magnesium glycinate 100mg in the morning and 100mg at night for anxiety reduction.
Nortrel continuous birth control norethindrone-eth estradiol 0.5-35 MG-MCG TABS skipping placebo pills as prescribed by my Dr for both regulating hormonal fluctuates and endometriosis. Helps with mental health and physically painful menstrual cycles. My vaginal pain and anxiety were the worst a day or two before my menstrual cycles and the first few days of my cycle. I've been on it twice, made the mistake of stopping to try other formulas of birth control to see if they'd help more. From my experience Nortrel takes about 21 days to start seeing any relief and then I see more relief at 2 months, then feel a little worse, then feel a little better at 3 months. Then I unfortunately tried other ones that set back my progress.
Vitamin C 1,000mg when I wake up, 500mg mid day, 500mg in the evening and 1,000mg before bed. Helps with anxiety.
Vitamin D3, 2,000mg with lunch, 2,000mg with dinner. Might be helping with depression I can't tell, probably to soon to tell. Might make me a bit anxious. Going to give it more time to decide.
Was taking iron for awhile when my cycles were heavy to combat anemia.
Garden of Life women's multi vitamin only half a serving, one tablet because it's higher in B vitamins than I like, I've tested unsafely high in B vitamins before so I'm cautious.
A probiotic, True Grace women's probiotic.
1,000mg of salmon oil and 1,000mg of cod liver oil, helps with joint pain for sure and is supposed to help with anxiety and depression but I'm unsure if it's helping with that.
Sage capsules help stop the frequency and severity of night sweats, 570mg two hours before bed. Also sleeping with socks on works 9 out of 10 times for me.
CalmAid silexan lavender capsules, I might try these again, they were helping a little bit before I tried birth control, stopped them because I read conflicting things about them interfering with birth control.
Buspirone 2.5mg will stop anxiety and panic for me in 38 minutes BUT it saves the emotions for later and that leads to a big horrible emotional moment 😔 Sometimes I take one to get me through the day but they also make me extremely drowsy.
Bach rescue remedy tablets but weirdly only the flavor elderflower orange helps my anxiety, and only if it's not to bad.
Self care, sitting in the sun, walks in nature, salt baths, reading books, good smelling things like essential oils, anything that brings you peace 🌞💚
Getting a deep tissue massage, I get 3-5 days without a panic attack!
Talk therapy was helpful for the couple months I could afford it.
THC deltas 9 and 8, vaped and gummies, mildy helpful and calming depending on brand and form either indica or sativa. Everyone is different worth trying in my opinion. At least didn't make things worse. Gummies were the most helpful, start slow, cut a gummy in half. Seriously go to a local smoke shop or store if it's legal in your state and the workers will show you so much kindness and knowledge 💕🙏
Gaining weight! We store so many things our bodies need to carry us through these stressful times in our fat reserves and I only weighed 109 pounds. I'm up to 123 and would like to get back up to the 145 it was when I felt healthiest.
Eating more protein.
Cutting out as much stress and toxic people as you can out of your life. I had a lot of traumatic life events happening in a short period of time and I think they could have thrown me in to perimenopause or overwhelmed my body and soul and made things worse. I don't care how selfish or irresponsible it seems cut loose anything you can before it breaks you, I think I should have switched jobs before I started getting panic attacks and I would have prevented them from starting. Also unsure if it's a factor but I had 3 courses of antibiotics in very short period of time and think that wore my immune system down, if I could go back in time I'd only take the 2 most important courses of antibiotics.
St. John's Wort, I tried this yearssss ago in my early 20s and forgot about it, it was the most helpful with my anxiety of anything I've ever tried. I stopped using it because it made me have my menstrual cycle for a month and a half straight. I can't try it now because I'm on birth control and it says it interacts with it but I wish I'd remembered it before trying birth control because I'd try St. John's Wort first, now that my menstrual cycles are short and light or skipped maybe long bleed wouldn't be a problem.
Things that didn't work or only sort of worked for me;
CBD, 15-30mg capsules. No effect.
Weed smoked, caused anxiety.
Kava Kava tea Yogi brand Stress Relief formula, caused anxiety similar to smoking weed.
Apri birth control I didn't sleep for 9 days and felt wired but also felt no anxiety, it was weird and awful I wish I could have stayed on it for less anxiety but I needed to sleep 😕
Amethyst birth control, my anxiety was through the roof and I was nonstop heavy bleeding, only tried it for 5 days couldn't take the anxiety.
Natural usp bioidentical progesterone cream, DEPRESSION.
Not sure if I should include it because it wasn't recently that I tried it but in early 2020 I tried Yaz and had horrible anxiety and depression and diarrhea. I think it was to high in progestin progesterone for me.
B vitamins can increase my anxiety and my vitamin tests came back to high in them which can cause numbness and tingling so I have to use in moderation.
Ashwagandha, one brand didn't do anything at all and the other one gave me TERRIFYING trippy nightmares.
Lion's main mushroom cause the worst panic attack and brain tingling and I threw up a bunch.
Cutting out gluten caffeine and sugar for 4 months did nothing.
Lexapro 5mg for 5 days made me want to k*ll myself and I had horrible digestive issues.
GABA, didn't notice any changes.
Vitex made me worse emotionally, I think it increases progesterone and I ether have to much or to much in relation to low estrogen so more just unbalances me more.
Things I'd like to try;
Maybe Paxil, my Dr prescribed 5mg to help with anxiety and hot flashes. I'm just afraid to try it after my experience with Lexapro.
Chamomile capsules, I've heard they help with digestion and anxiety.
Hops capsules, I've heard they help with aches and pains and are calming.
Mother wort, supposedly soothing and comforting of emotions.
Passion Flower, supposed to help with anxiety and sleep.
Lemon balm, helpful for anxiety.
Consuming more water and electrolytes, I probably don't get enough of either.
Light therapy SAD lamp. I live in a cold dark climate and I think I probably don't get enough sunlight.
Acupuncture, I've heard good things.
5-htp, supposed to be a natural SSRI but also has withdrawals and side effects like one so I'm cautious about trying it. Have heard it can only be used for a short time and then needs to be gradually reduced.
NAC, my friend has had good luck with this. A bit unsure if it would interact with my birth control and hate to risk loosing any tiny amount of progress I've made.
DHEA, I don't remember why this was supposed to help lol, just that I have a bottle I've never tried. Same thing with DIM.
Boron, supposed to be the building block for hormones, not sure if I can take it while on birth control.
Natural estrogen cream or patches, real HRT. Hard to get because of my age, 37, my insurance and Drs don't think it's a first line in perimenopause but I can probably get it once I'm older or in menopause. To be fair I've read in perimenopause when hormones are fluctuating birth control is actually more effective than HRT. And the Combi Patch HRT is the same hormones as the Nortrel birth control I'm on just a different dosage so not all HRT is natural or different from birth control.
Joining a ladies group or religion or coven, really some type of community, I don't think I have a social support system.
None of this constitutes medical advice, we are all so different I just want to give others and myself hope when it seems hopeless. I know I've heard from many women in my life that once they were through the ups and downs of perimenopause actual menopause brought so much peace 🕊️✌️💖
I'll try to post updates if I'm not to overwhelmed, if I try anything else or see any improvement or worsening. I really wish I knew how long perimenopause would last, what stage I'm in, how many years or months I have left. My Mom thinks she reached full menopause in her mid 40s if she remembers correctly, maybe 45/46. She doesn't think her symptoms were as extreme as mine but maybe time heals and mercifully allows us to forget because as a child I remember some really emotional times she had that scared me. Unsure if it's a factor but I've never had kids she's had 2, my menstrual cycles start at 11 hers started at 15 or 16.
Wishing you all peace, health and happiness 🙏❤️😊

Very excited to finally be writing this, as I was scared I never would.
~20 months long hauler and 60% recovered. The other 40% is mostly just building up to my previous level of fitness.
Prior to covid, I would exercise on average 7 days a week, from anywhere between 2 - 6 hours, while also working full time.
At my worst, I was housebound, with severe fatigue, PEM, back pain, POTs, gastrointestinal issues, and brain fog as my main symptoms. I could barely eat, "resting" felt impossible, and just walking across the road to get a litre of milk was impossible most days.
Now, I'm now back to rock climbing, surfing, bike riding, and walking around town, just slowly building up to my previous capacity.
I can eat whatever I want, I sleep 8.5 hours a night, and I can ride my bike to the shops to get bags of groceries.
The biggest game changer for me was discovering neuroplastic pain/mind body syndrome.
I'll link lots of articles/resources for this at the bottom, but in a nutshell, it was the idea that there was nothing physically wrong with me anymore - I had the test results to prove it! My brain was just misinterpreting safe signals from my body as unsafe.
Once I had read enough information about this and was able to accept that this was probably true, I was able to start retraining my brain to interpret those "scary signals" e.g. increased art rate, sore muscles after exercise etc. as safe and normal.
I don't want to waffle on for too long, so here is what helped and didn't help me, plus some useful resources at the bottom.
But if you take anything from this post, it's that it IS possible to get through this. I'm not an anomaly; there are THOUSANDS of people who have recovered, and I believe you can too.
What helped (ordered from biggest to smallest effect): - pain reprocessing therapy/book and podcast by Alan Gordon and Alon Ziv - getting rid of my Garmin (it would just stress me out and lead to a positive feedback loop of stress) - having 15 minutes a day of "sensory deprivation time" i.e. resting in the dark with eye mask and ear plugs - doing a 10 minute body scan if I felt my brain/body feeling stressed (I used this one, but find what works for you https://open.spotify.com/episode/7mceqGJnxVGWzKBfCSYJR2?si=1TLJ_l4XQ-WpB_wKbP6bsw) - vagus breathing if I felt myself getting stressed - daily stretching - meditating for small increments every day (started at 30 seconds, worked up to 3 minutes) - prioritising quality sleep - low dose naltrexone - reading about long haul/CFS recovery stories - slowly reintroducing exercise, and practising the calming tech issues listed above afterwards - only seeing people who were calm and respected my boundaries around energy levels - occasionally taking melatonin before bed (small dose, maximum 3 times a week) - hydrolyte when exercising
Neutral effect: - magnesium, vitamin D in the morning, Curcumin, multivitamin etc.
What made me worse: - pushing through!! (Trying to go back to work/hardcore exercising too soon) - getting a Garmin - taking vitamin D before bed (ruined my sleep) - coming on the long covid/CFS subreddit. Prioritising reading about people who had already recovered was much more helpful.
Useful resources: - The Way Out by Alan Gordon (book) - Tell Me About Your Pain by Alan Gordon and Alon Ziv (podcast) - chronic fatigue recovery stories: https://www.recoverynorway.org/ - articles about pain reprocessing/neuroplasticity: https://www.abc.net.au/news/science/2022-08-22/chronic-back-pain-therapy-relief-sensorimotor-retraining/101320090 , https://www.abc.net.au/news/2023-07-09/bad-posture-chronic-back-pain-connection-in-doubt/102547882 - LongHaulersRecovery - if you're Australian, contact your local council to see if they can provide assistance with cooking/cleaning at a minimal fee while you prioritise recovery
Good luck, and take care of yourselves!

So my husband and I are back together for 6 months, after a 9 month separation. We lived apart for that time and received individual therapy. Due to scheduling and insurance issues, we haven't been able to start marriage counseling until this week.
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The issue is that he has adhd and learning/processing disorders, and also a poor character, and it keeps screwing things up for us. I don't know what to do. Before our separation, I begged him for about 4 years to seek treatment. I started losing myself badly and falling apart from the stress of trying to hold everything together. I broke a rib and he wouldn't help with the baby. At that time he would put me down too. I told him I would never leave him but he had to get into therapy and take care of himself. He didn't and then that year I lost 140 lb from stress and ended up with an iron and vitamin D deficiency from being malnourished from stress starvation, and that's when I broke my own arm during a ptsd emotional flashback he put me into. He wouldn't help me with the baby when my arm was broken, so I had to do everything one handed, and one day my arm fracture split up further from being used too much :( I almost had to get surgery, and now I have limited range of motion in it. I realized he was literally just going to watch me die without changing. that's when I kicked him out and we started the separation process. So we have a long history of resentment and bitterness. I also was diagnosed with bpd and realized there was alot of my shit that I needed to take care of, so I have. I am stable on medication now and do weekly therapy visits to ensure i stay at my best. he does therapy every 2 weeks.
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So nowadays after a shit ton of therapy and growth, he tries "his best" but it's strange because it doesnt feel like someones best. For instance, here is one recent incident: We went to a ball game, and he spilled his large soda onto the floor of the people sitting in front of us. They turned around and instead of apologizing, my husband just turned his back to them and kept looking at me awkwardly. Then they turned to me and we made eye contact, then they looked at him again. I said "everybody knows what you did. Just apologize" and he kept smiling awkwardly at me with his back turned to them so I finally said "Oh gosh, I'm so sorry for the trouble guys." It was 3 big teenagers from the opposing team and i felt awkward as a small woman apologizing to them. Then I told my husband we needed to get someone to clean it up before somebody fell. He did not so I had to go tell somebody about it. He was ashamed of himself after I threw a fit about it.So nowadays most of the issues lie both with that type of cowardice, but mostly his inability to like, be a person. Now don't get me wrong- with my bipolar, bpd, adhd and ptsd I have issues with alot, and he lets me be a stay at home mom. So I appreciate the stability job wise that he gives us. But he can't plan, time manage, or anything. He just lets life happen to him. He is still until poked. So if we want to do something, I have to plan it. Or budget it whenever he pouts that he can't afford something. I tell him we can, all he has to do is save a little aside. We aren't trapped and we can afford things, we just have to try and save. When his ADHD is bad, he can't hold a regular conversation and I just sit there not able to get a word in, and it makes me more lonely. It's like I can't get through to connect with him sometimes. Depending on his medications and how much of a fire I light under his ass at any given time, he can be a good respsectible partner. its almost dr jekell mr hyde.
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This morning was Easter and I told him to get the kids up and I would get the Easter supplies. He said to go to the store but then went in the bathroom while our autistic son was up and needing out of his room so I had to wait to go to the store after he said i could go ahead. Frustrating but okay. So I go to the store, and I start worrying about what my husband isn't doing that needs done. Is he focusing on time? Did he feed the kids breakfast after their breathing treatment? Will he be able to do what I delegated or should I be worried? Then I calmed myself down and reminded myself he had things in control and I shouldn't worry so much.Then I got home, and my kid was hungry and thirsty. When asked about breakfast my husband said "Oh, he's eating a cereal bar. I didn't give it to him, I guess maybe he found it leftover in his room or something" and the kid didn't even have a drink. he said he hadn't had time to get breakfast yet, but he was sitting at the computer. he said his hands were shaking because his nerves were bad today and he forgot his meds last night. but he also hadn't taken them yet this morning, just was sitting there. so of course I flip out just because I'm so frustrated that he proved me right to worry about the things I delegate, and now we are already behind after I worked so hard to get us started. I get him on the ball and we get back on track, and the more I nag him about things not done, the more he says to be easier on him and he can't help his shaky hands and was acting like a pitiful baby like I am angry about his hands. I am like ?? I'm not complaining that your hands are shaky, I'm complaining that you didnt get things I asked done. It doesn't matter if we feel bad; things just have to get done for the kids. It is important that we make this special for them. (Like, if I just didn't do things because I felt bad, nothing would ever get done for anyone. we have to fight through it).
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We went to the aquarium yesterday and it was SUPER PACKED and I have social anxiety and my family kept walking all in a line so nobody that needed to could get past us. It was making me very nervous, so I kept telling him to walk behind with my other son so we didn't take up the whole aisle and he just literally ignored me and kept doing it saying "but the little one wants to hold my hand!" until halfway through when I was sweating and about to cry and have a panic attack and then threw a fit over it so he would actually listen. Then we went to get ice cream, and he didn't know what flavor he wanted. I started getting nervous realizing he was going to have me order for him but not know what he wants when we get to the front. I told him when we saw the flavors to go ahead and pick it out. Then when the next person was about to leave I gave him a time check, he still didn't know what he wanted. We got to the front and he still didn't know. It made me panic. Overall, I love the aquarium and things like that, but I had an absolutely terrible time whereas I would have had a good time without him. you might say "Well, your issues were causing you trouble." But the thing is, I can control the way I handle things and the way I do things. I can control the fact that I clearly tell him my triggers, my quirks, I can tell him in the moment the best way to accomodate me. I can't control, however, the fact that he doesn't respect them. And it makes me feel like I have no control and it makes me panic and feel unsafe. I'm sure my children could sense my discomfort, while they wouldn't have had he not been present.
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I am constantly afraid of what he will screw up. I do time checks for him because he doesn't stay aware of time. Basically, he is the antithesis to my personal growth and healing. Because he forces me to be hypervigilant through my ptsd. This is something my therapist and I have been working hard on, and he's setting me behind. My daily life feels awful constantly worrying. He is going to therapy, too; the same therapist, who sometimes mediates for us while being careful about still ensuring confidentiality. I am just so disgusted with husbands character at times, and tired of him making things hard for me, making me think and be a person for him-- by the way, i ALSO have adhd. And I JUST got medicated last week. So like ???????????????????????I am tired of feeling like I have to be his mother or have to be an aggressive person to be heard and have my quires respected, whenever I respect his. Honestly his energy sometimes feels like those immature fuck boys I dated in my 20s. I disrespect how weak he is, when I am strong enough despite my horrific past (I started developing ptsd prior to age 8 and still became a nurse and made something of myself. Stagnation is weakness to me).
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The other night we had a long talk where I told him I didn't feel like I could trust him.I do appreciate that he lets me be a stay at home to our severely autistic child too, and he isn't jealous or anything like that and would never cheat on me. He encourages my hobbies, and gives kiddo a bath every night. So those are positives. He's not just a bum. It's just that his issues are impeding my personal growth and make my life so much harder, feeling like i have a third child sometimes. We do have alot of stress because we have two autistic adhd children. It's just that I feel in order to have a life with him, I will have to accept a subpar, unhappy life where I am constantly triggered and nervous and trying to be in control. Or that if I let go of control, that he absolutely will just let everything fall apart. When I try to give him bits of control and he screws up, it proves me right. Does anyone have advice?
tl;dr: My husband has ADHD and processing and learning issues and poor character often isn't a good partner. These issues are the antithesis to my personal growth, make me feel out of control, hurt my mental health, and hold our family back alot. I am not sure what to do as we are both in therapy and starting marriage counseling.

Pregnancy is a time filled with excitement, anticipation, and yes, plenty of advice. From well-meaning friends and family to the endless stream of information available online, it can be overwhelming to separate fact from fiction. While everyone seems to have an opinion on what to eat, how to exercise, and even how to predict your baby’s gender, it’s essential to rely on expert advice backed by scientific evidence.

Myth #1: Morning Sickness Only Happens in the Morning

One of the most pervasive myths about pregnancy is that morning sickness only strikes in the morning. In reality, nausea and vomiting can occur at any time of day or night. This common symptom is caused by hormonal changes in the body and typically subsides after the first trimester.

Myth #2: You Should Eat for Two

Contrary to popular belief, pregnancy does not require eating for two. While it’s true that you need extra nutrients during pregnancy, the concept of “eating for two” can lead to unhealthy weight gain. Instead, focus on nutrient-dense foods that provide essential vitamins and minerals for both you and your baby.

Myth #3: It’s Unsafe to Exercise During Pregnancy

Exercise is not only safe but also beneficial during pregnancy. Regular physical activity can help reduce the risk of gestational diabetes, improve mood, and promote healthy weight gain. However, it’s essential to consult with your healthcare provider before starting any new exercise routine and to avoid high-impact activities.

Myth #4: Heartburn Means Your Baby Will Have Lots of Hair

Many pregnant women believe the old wives’ tale that experiencing heartburn during pregnancy means their baby will be born with a full head of hair. While it’s true that hormonal changes can contribute to heartburn, there is no scientific evidence to support a link between heartburn and hair growth in babies.

Myth #5: You Can Predict Your Baby’s Gender-Based on Symptoms

From the way you carry to the cravings you experience, there are countless myths about predicting your baby’s gender based on symptoms. However, these old wives’ tales have no scientific basis. The only sure way to determine your baby’s gender is through ultrasound or genetic testing.

Myth #6: Cocoa Butter Prevents Stretch Marks

While cocoa butter is often touted as a miracle cure for stretch marks, the truth is that it may not be as effective as advertised. While keeping the skin moisturized can help reduce itching and discomfort, genetics and hormonal factors play a more significant role in whether or not you develop stretch marks.

Myth #7: You Should Avoid Vaccinations During Pregnancy

Vaccinations are a crucial part of prenatal care, helping to protect both you and your baby from serious infections. Certain vaccines, such as the flu shot and the Tdap vaccine, are recommended during pregnancy to safeguard against preventable illnesses. Be sure to discuss vaccination recommendations with your healthcare provider.

Conclusion

Separating fact from fiction when it comes to pregnancy can be challenging, but it’s essential to rely on evidence-based information from trusted sources. By debunking common myths and seeking guidance from healthcare professionals, you can navigate your pregnancy with confidence and peace of mind.