I wanted to post this because I see many going through a similar, tough buying time. I hope my story gives you a boost and helps you keep going. There is my sad backstory that you can skip to "Dec, 2020" that starts the home journey. This post is extremely long but emotional for me. Please be kind.
The only house i ever lived in was my uncles, for 2 years (age 3-5) before he removed us.
My mother suffers from many tribulations, and it was reflected in life. We apartment hopped for all of my childhood. I'll never forget how hurt I was, leaving behind my valuables everytime we downsized, (dressers, my desk, doll houses etc) being cramped, no pets allowed (i love animals), neighbors banging on their ceilings when I played, hearing families fight as if they next to me, smoke coming in the windows, constant new neighbors, roaches and other infestations due to neighbors, etc.
My mom would drive around and say, “this is going to be our new house!” And get my hopes up, but it never happened. My sister (she's 5 years older) said she would buy a house for us all, and that lasted a few months before we were evicted again, moving to another apartment.
I asked constantly when we could get a house like my uncle or sister. My father had one (my parents divorced when I was an infant), and when I visited, I wished I had my own backyard, pets. I was jealous of my friends who lived in houses. I would pretend vacant homes were mine, walk to the new homes being built, and watch their progress. Imagine my future in it where my kids would know stability.
After Bullying in school (from 4th - 12th grade), SA from my father, (i was 15) neglect, abuse, depression, self harm, apartment hopping, I was desperate to move out and away once I turned 16 (emancipation). I moved from NJ when i was 18 to FL and started my own downhill spiral of DV, homelessness, repossessions, and other mentally and physically draining circumstances that pushed my limits, money, and everything
In 2017, I picked up my pieces and gathered them, alone, to AZ into the best apartment and neighborhood i ever had. I told myself that after a year, I was going to buy a home there. In 2018, I reached out to realtors and was told all I needed to do was pay off 2k of credit card debt to qualify for 250-300k. The dumbest decision I ever made was saying spending 2k was stupid. I wish I had the recourses, support, anything, or anyone to tell me to do it. had I done it, I could have bought my dream home then for 200-275k
In Dec 2020, I had been with my now husband for 3 years, went through hell in the apartments he wanted us to move to for more space, away from that neighborhood I loved. Someone stole our bikes, smoked weed next to our window, and then our new car was stolen and required 3k in repairs. I was miserable. I wanted to end the cycle of apartments and putting away my wants and needs, so we decided to begin paying things off to get pre qualified. Then came the new battlefield.
As you all know, 2021 until today, it hasn't been a buyers market. I had no idea what any of that meant until I was told I was approved to start putting in offers in January 2022. We were pre approved for a max of FHA 350k from a lender that I was sure had our backs after getting tons of denials and pisspoor brokers who couldn't care less about my childhood dream. I pulled up the MLS and saved about 30 homes a week, if not more, that were 375k and below, all the way down to 150k trailer homes, condos, townhomes, and houses.
Half of those listings were sold (pending) within 5 days. the other half we were bidding upwards against. I couldn't believe it. I was told the market is hot, lots of people selling their homes in bordering states and putting higher end offers on the homes in our price range because they were selling their homes for 500k and using the differences to buy the cheap homes. The others were investors.
After doing all of the work for my husband and roommate and then some to qualify, I was now battling 15+ people on one home multiple times. I was told to try going further out. The market I was in was too desirable. I was like, REALLY? PEOPLE GET SHOT HERE ONCE A WEEK, HOW IS THIS NEIGHBORHOOD, "HOT"??? I was told to shop beneath my budget, shop outside the location I wanted, everything you are all being told today to, "land a home, stay in it for five years, then sell it and get what I want." But I heard none of it, I wanted my DREAM home on my first buy, which wasn't a lot.
All I wanted was a 1300-2000sqft home with a front and backyard for my dog and kids, a house that didn't need a crap ton of repairs, and a neighborhood I felt comfortable in so that I wouldnt have to deal with all the things I did since I was little. I didn't care if it was upgraded, carpeted, or tile, old or new, I just wanted space, safety, a yard.
It didn't matter. Even if I sacrificed a yard, square footage, whatever, I was getting outbid. Every home I could afford was being bought in cash, waiving inspections, having a 14 day close, and/or being bought 25k to upwards of almost 200k over asking even if it was a fixer upper!! I could not compete.
In April, I FINALLY had an offer accepted in a town that was 30 minutes from work, building up, and beautiful. I was willing to sacrifice commute time and everything for this beautiful house that checked all the boxes. It was 2,060 sqft, upstairs and downstairs, a 5k lot, in a beautiful neighborhood. We were able to get a third cosigner (lomg time friend) to up our income and get to 375k. But then I found out my preapproval wasn't so pre approved.
Having a 3rd co signer meant nothing. We needed to reserve money that we weren't informed about, DPA wanted us to pay off more debt, and we needed more income than the THREE of us had. I was livid, why didnt they tell us any of this? Why did they say our income was enough, and the DPA would cover everything?! I knew nothing, I tell you, nothing, and I should have researched more. But I was desperate.
My grandma stepped in. First, she needed a credit score. She opened up an unsecured credit card for 300. Bought gum, paid it off. We did a rapid rescore, and it shot her up to 7 freggin 735, SEVEN THIRTY FIVE LMFAO, and then we needed her social security letters. Which took two weeks too long, pushing back a close the seller REALLY WANTED TO CLOSE ON, which my realtor convinced them to hold off. Well, guess what? My grandma doesn't have a government id. She hadn't updated her id since 2005. No biggie, we'll get her to the DMV, which we had to reschedule online to 3 different locations. Well, guess what? Her mail, old id, her social security card, AND BIRTH CERTIFICATE all had DIFFERENT VARIATIONS of her name, and DMV couldn't verify her identity.
It would take two months to correct those issues. I threw my phone, scratched my arms to oblivion, fell on my knees, and cried. The lender said there was no way the loan was to be approved without Grandma. My sweet Grandma of 4 different names. I feel the tears, even now. I lost it. I fought for a home all my life and lost it because of being uninformed, way too broke ( I know I know), and then some. I felt like the universe was against me.
So May comes around, and my realtor says, "Listen, let's try this. Let's do rent to own. They pay for everything, and then you save, fix your credit, and buy the house back at the value of the contract paying the difference in appraisal if need be."
I was so broken that I did it. Back to the MLS, we still couldn't get a home in our price range in the neighborhoods I wanted. Rental price was going to be 3,100, so... we stuck to the 30-minute away neighborhood, and oh god, was that a new mistake. The first house we put an offer in on was accepted immediately. It was the smoothest process I'd ever seen in comparison to the hell I'd just gone through. I checked the MLS every day, watched homes I saved while I rented go pending or under contract in a week, or sell for over asking.
My heart sunk when all the homes I wanted and lost out to were back on the market as a rental property, or were slightly updated prices 50k-100k higher than before. Homes were being sold by opendoor, or rental from the very people I used to buy to rent from. I couldn't believe to this day how many homes I lost out to, sitting vacant for MONTHS prices dropping and dropping as the feds raised the interest rates. I went to open houses, asked what people wanted for offers (so I could be informed when I was ready), and knew my chances were getting slimmer and slimmer.
All the while, my commute was the devil. Traffic galore, accidents making my drive time go from 30-2 hours to and from. It was far from family, the mileage on my car grew so fast, my tires were wearing faster. The home was way too big for us (2765 sqft) and difficult to maintain. Beautiful home and town, but not for me.
The rent was also too high. It said it would be 2500, but wound up being 3100 after all of the damn fees they didn't disclose until AFTER WE WERE UNDER CONTRACT sflkghskg The electric bill was 6x the amount (bad company. People in that town are begnning to organize), water bill company demands 100 dollars no matter the usage (we only use about 60$), and the gas prices increased so high I was putting 60 dollars every 3 days in my car.
Then, my precious cat that followed me from NJ to AZ that had been with me through all of the DV, mental breaks, homelessness, had suffered from strokes. She was a stick, walking in circles, giving nothing but love. I tried everything I could, paid thousands to save her, but in the end, all I did was prolong her and my suffering. She passed in my arms. I love you and miss you, Emma.
Other life things happened, and by December, I had 200 dollars in the bank. When my income tax came, I applied for loans and said Im going to try the DPA and stuff again, It was either that, or rent a smaller house or apartment but seeing the market repeat my 2021 experience, I had to try with what I had. My goal was to get back to the neighborhood I wanted. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So I switched realtors based on a recommendation from FB. Random person said this lady would fight for me like no one else would. This realtor recommended me a lender, she said it could make miracles happen. I almost didn't do it because I had been let down by 2 other lenders before this one in 2023, but screw it. I followed his advice to the T of what to pay down, what to keep, and what to negotiate with. We gave him our 401ks info, our paystubs, had 3 of us on the loan, and explained we had no downpayment, just money for closing costs.
The market, at this point, slowed down due to the interest rates but was beginning to pick up. A lot of the homes we put offers on didn't like our asks. Which was disappointing, but I understood. What seller would want to pay closing costs for us so our payment assistance would go strictly to the home when they could accept the few cash, investor, or better conventional loan offers? The homes were going below listing, which was cool, but not quite in my 365k max range.
Until I gave way a little bit. There were 2 townhomes. One that was detached and had the most gorgeous yard Id ever seen for where it was at, and the inside was completely upgraded and bigger than it looked with a gorgeous mountain view from the master. But it was in a neighborhood that gave me goosebumps. No wonder they would accept 365k and pay everything should we put in our offer lol I couldn't do it, though. I didn't want to sacrifice being comfortable in my home safely to have a house. It was the first and only time I was picky.
At first, that seemed like a mistake, as the only other home I thought would accept our offer in my dream neighborhood said the seller had a specific number they wanted to sell at, which wasnt 365k, it was 375k. I wasn't going to get a home after all. I knew my ask was tough, and I wasn't going to get a house despite trying for another 3 months. I gave up. But then... I thought about something. That townhome in the neighborhood of my dreams, they wanted 375k? I restructured our ask to get to that 375k. A few hours later, my realtor texted me if she could call. It was urgent.
I was at work and went into the office and called. THE SELLER ACCEPTED OUR OFFER, THEY ACCEPTED OUR EFFING OFFER! THEY ACCEPTED IT!!!! I cried so hard, hyperventilated, cried some more, and told myself I wasn't going to get excited. I had this happen before, after all.
Well, guess what? Long story short, after hurdles during this closing as well, needing to push it back for this or that, WE CLOSED!! WE CLOSED ON THE HOUSE, IT WAS MINE!!! IT IS MINE!
The seller paid for all of the closing costs. DPA paid the downpayment at 3%. The rate was 6.85%, DPA loan at 8%. I paid for the appraisal and inspection, that's it. Only 1100 out of pocket. Monthly payment was 2865, my max, but it is MINE and EVERYTHING I wanted besides having a huge yard (it's still a decent sized yard) and open kitchen Home is 8 min from work (bye bye crappy commute!),community has incredible amenities, sub division has a pool, HOA covered roof (it was new anyway), new AC, new dishwasher, freshly painted, 3 beds 2 and a half baths, 1400sqft, 2 car garage with driveway, upstairs and downstairs like I always imagined, and so much more.
Every hurdle, every tear, every breakdown, taught me what I needed to know and led me to home. After saving for a year with the cheaper electric, water, gas prices, and mortgage, we just refinanced. Got a 5.75% rate (I thought it was 5.32, but after we closed today, it was 5.75%), the home appraised for 395k with no changes besides adding a fridge and new oven. The equity paid every penny of the refinance and the DPA loan. My mortgage is now 2550. For us, this is affordable now that we are debt free and still have savings!
I got my home with the most undesirable circumstances. I may be an exception, not the rule, but if my pathetic self can do it, i promise. You can, too. Don't be defeated. Don't let the investors win.
You need to win.

tldr: 1970s house on slab foundation, collapsed branch for kitchen sewer line under slab in center of house. Previous owners only replaced the plumbing for bathrooms on opposite ends of slab with PVC leaving kitchen cast iron untouched. House has actually 2 separate sewer lines going to city tie in. Both lines have multiple issues and looking for advice if redo everything or in stages.
Full story: About a week ago kitchen sink stopped draining. Tried plunging to no avail. Used my 15ft drain snake but water did not move. Finally called plumber out to clear the drain. They could not and found mud in the line and suspected it collapsed as it is original cast iron.
Strange thing was kitchen is in center of house, bathrooms on each side wall of the house that were working with no issues.
Paid for a full sewer inspection. Turns out at some point they replaced all the plumbing under the bathrooms on outer walls of house with PVC but did not go all the way under slab to kitchen. Instead, one bathroom has its own line which exits under slab and goes roughly 60 ft into back yard to city tie in. Other bathroom has branches to laundry and the kitchen then exits side of house and goes 50ft back to city tie in all on its own line.
Summary of Issues found: - Disconnection at foundation on jack/jill bathroom causing leak into yard. Active leak. Ground is saturated. - Improperly graded/supported sewer on left side of house prior to disconnect at foundation. Standing water in 14ft section under yard after elbow exiting from house. 1/4 to 1/2 full. - Improperly graded/supported piping under master bathroom. Standing water more than 1/2 full in 5ft section between toilet and laundry. Unable to determine if due to settlement or missing/improper slab hangers. - Confirmed collapsed cast iron line leading to kitchen from master bathroom approx. 25ft under slab from right side of house. Likely collapse due to age of original pipe. - Minor break/root infiltration near city tie-in along fence line causing a "ledge". Waste was observed collecting at ledge.
Company gave me two options: Option 1: - Completely replace line with roots and collapse (master bath, laundry, kitchen line) from under slab at center of house to city tie in to fix collapsed line, grading issues, and root infiltration in yard.
Option 2: - Option 1 as well as: - Replace line for the single bathroom 10ft under slab on opposite end of house and 60% of line in yard for to fix grading issues as well as the break at foundation.
Of course this is a big project involving structural engineer and creating 1 or 2 under slab tunnels as well as significant yard excavation). Hoping to get advice if it would be better to do everything at once or if the break/disconnect that is leaking on one side could wait a few months until I can financially recover. Would appreciate any insight.

As the last orange light of day drained from the sky, the living dead in Club Vlad rose. Max the skeleton and Jessie the…not skeleton…sewed up the gaping Y-shaped incision on Dom’s chest under Merrick’s direct supervision. Dom sat there, feeling nothing, thinking nothing. He’d woken with a headache and a feeling of cold, and even now, he could feel the dull throb above his left eye. It felt like someone was tearing his brain apart with a fork. He had told Merrick, and Merrick had nodded sadly. “Is my brain rotting?”
“Most likely,” Merrick had said.
There was a certain peace in the idea of losing his cursed humanity. As Merrick had said, he would feel no pain, know no quandaries. He would live only for the night and for his master. On the other hand, watching someone like Matt sit and stare into the distance, drool coursing down his chin and nothing happening behind his dead eyes, scared Dom. He didn’t want to be a braindead idiot. He didn’t care about keeping his emotions, he just wanted to function.
Like Merrick.
There wasn’t much he could do, however. He was dead and that was the end of it.
Once Dom was patched up and dressed in a pair of jeans and a hoodie, Merrick called his children before him. “I have done my best to love and protect all of you,” he began. “Jessie, you were miserable with your grandmother, were you not?”
“Yes,” Jessie said tonelessly.
“You were depressed, bipolar, and cut yourself. Now you’re happy.”
“Yes,” she replied again.
“Joe, you were a two bit nobody staring down a ten year stretch in jail.”
“Yes.” Thin yellow liquid dripped from his nose.
“But now you are free.”
“Yes.”
“You appreciate what I’ve done for you.”
“Yes.”
Merrick flashed then, slamming his fist onto the arm of his wheelchair. “Then why do you keep fucking up? The police were here earlier. They have messages between you and Jessie. I told both of you to delete those. Then I find out that you bit someone and turned them despite my orders. We have an endless supply of blood here but you still went off on your own. How many are there?”
“Just one,” Joe said.
“Are you being honest with me?”
“Yes.”
Merrick sagged back in his chair, looking somehow older. “Joe, take Matt and go to her. Bring her back here before she causes any more problems. God alone knows how many people she’s changed. Too many vampires without a father will bring heat on us, and you know what happens in that case? We get pieces of wood shoved in our chests.”
Turning to Dom, Merrick said, “I have a job for you and Jessie. We’re nearly out of embalming fluid. You haven’t had your first dose and the rest of us are starting to get ripe as well. I have a contact at a funeral home. He texted earlier that the order he placed on my behalf has come in. I want you to pick it up and to pay him.”
Dom had never been picked for anything in his whole life. No one had ever wanted him on their team and no one had ever placed their trust in him the way Merrick was now. He was honored, proud, and would do anything to not let Merrick down.
“That cop who came here might be a problem,” Merrick went on. “We may have to deal with him, but we’ll leave that for another night. In any case, I want this place cleaned from top to bottom. If the police come, I want them to see nothing out of the ordinary.”
Now that everyone had their marching orders, they dispersed. Merrick handed Dom an evelope stuffed with cash, and Dom slipped it into the pocket of his hoodie. The other team - Joe and Matt - left, while the remaining vampires began tidying up.
A fleet of vehicles waited in the parking lot behind Club Vlad. Dom and Jessie took a black pedo van with no back windows. They drove in silence, the radio off. Dom did not want to hear music, nor did he wish to speak to Jessie. Their kinship was one of blood and circumstance, not one of words and emotions. He had no questions for her and wished to answer none of his own. The only thoughts he had were of the mission ahead and of the growing pain in his skull. He thought of the staring stupid Matt, of the decayed Max, and a shiver went down his spine.
What was left of his humanity recoiled at the idea of becoming like them.
The pain grew hotter, more intense. He forced it away and focused on driving.
The funeral home was on North Allen Street, next to a restaurant called Pepperjack’s. A tall, white house with dark shutters and a sign out front, it looked like a quiet, peaceful place. “Pull around back,” Jessie said.
Dom pulled the van around back and parked under a balcony, killing the headlights. They got out and went to the back door, Jessie in the lead. He assumed that she had done this before and that the seller would recognize her. She knocked, and a few moments later, the door opened. A youngish man with a shaved head appeared, wearing an apron and gloves. He saw them and tensed a little. Dom could smell, rather than sense, his fear, and his throat panged with thirst. “Come on,” the man said quickly. He stepped aside and allowed them to enter. Dom noticed that he walked behind them, wary of putting his back to them. “Do you have the money?”
“Do you have our order?” Jessie countered.
“Yes,” the man said, “I’m really risking my neck for this. They don’t just give embalming fluid away, you know. They keep track of it and if they realize I’m over ordering, someone from the state’s going to come down here and check.”
He led them into an embalming room. Three boxes sat on a table. Dom gave the man his money, and he and Jessie carried the boxes outside, loading them into the van. The whole time they were there, the man was edgy, like he was afraid they were going to attack him. Dom would be a liar if he said that the hot smell of the man’s blood didn’t excite him. Perhaps once his brain rotted away, he wouldn’t be able to control himself, but for now, he could.
A lightning bolt of pain shot through his head and he nearly dropped the last box onto the ground.
Once the man was paid, Dom and Jessie drove back to Club Vlad. In fifteen minutes, they were drinking side by side from two passed out partygoers, their reward for a job well done.
Meanwhile, across the city, Joe and Matt weren’t doing as well. They were standing outside of Heather’s apartment. Joe, slightly annoyed (anger being another emotion vampires could feel, along with fear) pounded on the door. He knew she was in there; he could smell the putrid odor of decay. “Let us in,” he said. “We won’t hurt you.”
Joe could barely remember changing her. He didn’t mean to, it just…happened. Like an unwanted pregnancy. You can bite someone as much as you want and drink as much as you want, but if you take too much at once and they die, you get the vampire equivalent of a baby. Joe liked the hunt. It was exciting. Having his meals brought to him Club Vlad didn’t arouse the same level of excitement. It was like shooting an animal tied to a tree. Or hiring a prostitute instead of wooing someone. No real satisfaction to it.
That was probably his greatest downfall. He had lured Jessie the same way, though Merrick was indeed interested in rescuing her from her grandmother. People you have saved obey just as well as people with no brains.
He felt fluid on his upper lip and sniffed. “Come on, let us in,” he said.
No response.
He looked at Matt and nodded to the door. Together, they rammed their shoulders against it. It shook in its frame. They were both dead and weak, but modern American architecture is even weaker, and the door eventually slammed open. The apartment beyond was dark, messy, and reeked of death. They searched high and low, and eventually found Heather huddled in a corner, trying to hide. She was naked save for a pair of panties, her body bloated and beginning to turn black. Her skin hung from her frame and her eyes were filled with blood and fear. It was a wonder no one had called the police yet. The smell was overpowering. “We’re here to help,” he said. “You have to come with us.”
She shook her head and trembled. Maybe she remembered that he was the one who did this to her. Maybe her memories had rotted away. Those were usually the first to go. Then your emotions, then your personality. Finally, your capacity for higher reasoning. “I’m sorry I did this to you,” he said. That was a lie. He was not remorseful. Nor was he proud, for that matter. It just happened. Like rain. “But I want to help you. We can fix you.”
No amount of coaxing or conjoling could induce her to move. Joe weighed his options. He doubted anyone would call the cops even if they heard the door coming down - people who lived in places like this rarely called the cops, which helped Joe and his cause immensely. Even so, there was the possibility. Every minute they spent here was a minute that something could go wrong, and Joe had a lot to lose.
So, too, did Merrick.
Giving up, Joe took out his cellphone and called Merrick. “She refuses to come,” he said simply.
The line was quiet for a moment, then Merrick’s voice came back. Cold. Calculating. “Then do what you must.”
That was the go ahead.
Hanging up, Joe looked around the apartment and found a wooden chair in the kitchen. He lifted it over his head and slammed it on the counter, shattering it into a million pieces. He selected the longest, sharpest, and sturdiest looking one. He went back into the room and directed Matt to hold her down. She fought, kicked, and spat, but she was weaker than even they were. They had been embalmed. She hadn’t.
Matt pinned her hands above her head and Joe straddled her. Animal terror filled her eyes and she whipped her head from side to side. Joe lifted the makeshift stake with both hands, and brought it down as hard as he could, driving it deep into her heart. Her eyes bulged from their sockets and a high, otherworldly scream ripped from her throat. She bucked, thrashed, and kicked her feet. Her resistance began to ebb away until she was twitching…until she was still.
Heather from OKCupid was dead.
Truly dead.
Joe couldn’t help wondering what it was like.
Pulling the stake out, he tossed it aside and got to his feet, Matt doing likewise. A soul petrifying scream might be cause for even the tightest of lips to start talking. “Let’s go,” he said. And together, he and Matt fled, leaving the poor, dead body of Heather behind.
***
As it turned out, one of Heather’s neighbors did call the cops. At 10;13pm, Vanessa Rodregiez arrived with two patrolmen and found the front door of Apartment 237 knocked down. Guns drawn, they entered, Vanessa at the head. The first thing she noticed was the smell. It jammed itself into her nostrils, shoved its tongue down her throat, and violated her - all without even buying her dinner first.
Vanessa hadn’t been at this as long as her buddy Bruce had, but she knew a dead, rotting body when she smelled one. They searched the premises, and sure enough, they found a vic in the bedroom, lying in the gap between the bed and the wall; it looked like the former had been moved, perhaps in a struggle. Vanessa knelt down to check the vic’s pulse, but stopped.
There was no need.
The vic - who looked like a female but could have been an overweight male - hadn’t had a pulse in a very long time.
Examining the body, Vanessa found a wound in the chest, just above the heart. Black, stinking goo leaked from it, and Vanessa gagged. She fisted her hand to her mouth, retched, and then ran for the kitchen sink. Her partner for the night, Jim Walsh, stared down at the stiff before him, and his face turned a sickly shade of green. He avoided puking because he didn’t nose fuck the wound like Vanessa had, but he wasted no time in getting out there, dry heaving in the hallway where the air was somewhat fresh.
After leaving her lunch in the sink, Vanessa radioed back to headquarters, and before long, the place was crawling with cops. The assistant medical examiner - who had taken over after Ed Harris quit the previous night - knelt over the body and studied it. A solidly built black man with a mustache, his name was Leon and he knew death just as well as his old boss, so when he said the vic had been dead nearly two weeks, Vanessa accepted it.
That begged the question: Who broke in and screamed just now? A relative? The caller clearly heard screaming and peeked out her door to see two males fleeing on foot. Maybe they found the vic and freaked out? Or maybe they were the killers returning to the scene of the crime. After all, the vic had clearly been murdered.
In fact, they found a likely murder weapon. A long sliver of wood soaked in black goo. Blood turns black after a while, but there was something different about this stuff. “What is it?” Vanessa asked Leon.
“I’m not sure,” Leon said and pulled off a pair of Latex gloves he’d donned to examine the vic, “could be blood or…”
“Or what?” Vanessa asked.
“Or something,” Leon said. “Give me a few hours.”
And a few hours it was. Just before 1am, Leon called Vanessa at her desk. “I think you should come down here,” he said.
Fifteen minutes later, Vanessa stood over Leon as he pulled the vic’s chest open with a pair of tweezers. “That’s the heart,” he said, “whoever stabbed her scored a direct hit, but this…this is what concerns me.”
He prodded a furry lump with the tip of his scalpel.
“What is it?” Vanessa asked.
“I don’t know,” he said, “it looks like mold.”
That word - mold - triggered a memory in her brain. “Ed said something about mold last night. He found it in -”
“The Mason boy,” Leon finished.
“Yeah. The one who got up and ran off.”
Leon turned away from Vanessa and looked at the dead woman - for it was a woman. Vanessa got the impression that he didn’t want her to see his expression. “I’ve known Ed ten years. I know something happened last night, but a stiff getting up and walking off? I thought he was confused. Now…I don’t know. That makes two bodies in 24 hours. And get this. The chest wound? It was done post-mortem. I can’t find a cause of death anywhere. Except maybe blood loss but it’s hard to tell at this point. And speaking of blood…”
“What?” Vanessa asked quickly.
“When I opened her stomach up, a whole shit load of blood spilled out. And a lot of it was a lot fresher than she is.”
Vanessa furrowed her brow in confusion. “You mean…?”
“It’s not hers,” Leon said. “I can’t be 100 percent sure until I run tests, but I’d put money on it.”
Vanessa’s head spun with information both new and old. You know that full, heavy feeling you get when a poo is brewing in your guts? That’s kind of what Vanessa was feeling, only in her head instead of her stomach.
Leon was just as mystified by the whole thing as she was and stayed up late to run a few preliminary tests. By sunrise, he had confirmed that the blood inside of Heather’s stomach was not hers. In fact, it had come from at least three different sources. “Is it human?” Vanessa asked over the phone.
“Yes,” Leon said, sounding troubled, “it’s human.”
In the cobalt hour before sunrise, Vanessa sat at her desk and tried to piece this whole thing together. They had:

1. A corpse that (allegedly) woke up and dipped out
2. A dead girl who’d been stabbed in the heart with a piece of wood after somehow ingesting the blood of three different people.
3. Some missing kids
4. Oh, and both bodies - the girl’s and the runaway corpses’ - had the same weird fungus in their heart cavities.

All of this - even the missing kids, Vanessa felt - was related. She just didn’t know how. The only answer that half way fit was that both of those bodies were vampires. Like…what’s a vampire but a dead body that gets up and walks around at night? And how do you kill a vampire? Why, you drive a piece of wood through its heart.
The idea that vampires were real was dumb, but the more she turned it over in her mind, the more she became convinced that it was at least an option. A lot of things people thought were fantastic and made up turned out to be real, so why not vampires too?
Shortly after 8, Bruce came in. He was just sitting down when Vanessa came in and slapped her report on the desk. “Buckle up, bitch,” she said, “things just got weirder.”
He stared up at her with one of those grumpy - but cute -expressions he was so good at putting on. As he read, however, his brow knitted. “Jesus,” he muttered to himself. He pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a weary sigh.
“I have a theory - kind of,” Vanessa said, “but I don’t want to say it.”
“You might as well,” Bruce said. “It can’t be more kooky than reality these days.”
“Okay,” Vanessa started, “what if - and I’m just thinking out loud here - what if there are vampires in Albany?”
She expected Bruce to give her a dirty look, but he chewed it over, actually taking it seriously. “And those missing boys are victims?” he asked finally.
“Yeah,” Vanessa said. “That girl’s been dead two weeks. Maybe she bit Dominick Mason and he came back for revenge after realizing he was cursed to be a goddamn shit sucking vampire forever.”
Bruce nodded. “Yeah, but who turned her?”
“I don’t know,” Vanessa said, “I don’t know.”
***
Before dawn painted the eastern sky, Merrick Garvis sat in his chamber like a withered king, a mess of IVs hooked into his arms and neck. The vault was silent save for the soft noise of the machines as they filtered out the old embalming fluid and replaced it with new embalming fluid. Embalming fluid always made him spacy, like a drug. The others had gone first, and even now lay near comatose around him like addicts in an opium den.
As far as he knew, Merrick was the oldest vampire in the world, perhaps, even, the oldest vampire to ever live. Though he was not fully honest with Dom, he was not lying when he said that vampires rotted like any other dead thing. Conditions considered, you had a few weeks tops if left untreated. There may be living vampires in remote corners of Egypt or the northern most reaches of Russia, where the climate preserved dead things, but unless you made it to one of those places, you were pretty well fucked.
Merrick was not a proud man, nor was he concerned with saving face - the dead have no need for that. He was being truthful when he said that he feared death. What’s more, he feared being helpless. Deep down, vampires are people, and people don’t exactly have the greatest track record with caring for their infirm. He read once that the first sign of a civilization was a broken leg that had healed, as it showed that someone stayed with and cared for a fellow human long enough for them to get well again. In Merrick’s opinion, that was true…and thus there was no civilization. Merrick was fifty-one when he died in the year 1982. In his lifetime, he had seen The Great Depression, World War II, and a million small acts of cruelty and selfishness in between. He’d seen beggars starving in the streets, abused children shuffled out of sight and out of mind, and disdain for the poor and the weak.
The living were awful, and the living dead were no different. Once their humanity rotted away, they cared only about filling their stomachs. They were like ticks - they would drink until their bellies literally ruptured…and then keep on drinking.
That left him in a precarious position. He was old, his body was weak. He couldn’t stand unassisted and if left to fend for himself, he would decay into a pile of bones within days. He would be cursed to lay in one spot for all eternity, aware and hungry, little more than a ghost tethered to a black and still beating heart.
He refused to let that happen to him. Thus, he had created a family, a clan of vampires loyal to him and to him alone. He did this through acts of simple kindness and understanding…but also through deception. He knew, for instance, how to preserve the brain. He’d figured out how to do it early on - you pickle it. Like a fetus preserved in a jar. He sawed off the top of his own head and filled it with a special solution that kept his brain - and his intelligence - intact. It slowly drained out through the nose and ears in a thin, yellow liquid, but it worked well enough. He couldn’t save everything, however, and had lost vital things in the process, such as most of his human memories, his sense of humor, and some motor functions. He shared this secret with only Joe, and a few others before, because he needed a strong captain. He kept the others in the dark because vampires - like people - are easier to control when they don’t think for themselves.
Right about now, however, Merrick was beginning to regret sharing the formula with even Joe. Joe had brought him nothing but grief. Joe, you see, could think for himself. He could make decisions. He could go behind Merrick’s back. Joe had something called free will, and free will is a worse affliction than vampirism. Free will is messy, free will is dangerous.
Free will could very well turn Merrick into a pile of bones.
That was, of course, if they weren’t discovered first. Joe had made several mistakes lately, not least of which was the turning of Heather. Sitting there in the predawn hour, attended by Tony, his gay bartender and human familiar, Merrick decided to have Joe killed. There are only two ways to kill a vampire: The stake and the flame. The latter seemed somehow appropriate in this case. After Joe, there would be no more captains, only him, one father with absolute power. That was how it had to be. One man, one vision. Democracies didn’t work. That was especially clear today. Everyone was so divided and nothing ever got done. If the humans had one strong leader, they might go in the wrong direction, but at least they would go somewhere. Instead, they stagnated.
Merrick didn’t particularly look forward to killing Joe, but it had to be done. To protect the family. To protect him.
And Merrick would do anything…anything at all…to protect himself.
***
Vampires.
Bruce kept coming back to that single wor, hoping each time that he would chuckle at the absurdity of it.
But he never did.
Did that mean he believed it? Not necessarily, but damn it, he considered it a possibility, and that alone was enough to make him feel like a fucking clown. All the evidence he had pointed to vampires, but then again, it might point to other things as well. Like aliens.
But let’s say the whole vampire thing was real. Who, like Vanessa asked, was patient zero? Who started this whole mess?
A name came to mind.
Merrick Garvis.
He had not had time to check into Garvis the previous day, but by God, he was going to do it now. He ran his name and social through the system and everything seemed to check out. Merrick Garvis was born on June 31, 1963 in -
Wait a minute. Weren’t there only 30 days in June?
Bruce checked, and there were, indeed, only 30 days in the month of June. Hm. Bruce did a little digging and found something out. Before 1987, social security numbers weren’t issued at birth. You had to sign up, using other forms of ID. Merrick Garvis applied for his in April 1984 and the date of birth on his state issued driver’s license was June 31. Bruce spent an hour on the phone with the DMV and learned that they had never issued a license to a Merrick Garvis. He then spoke to the Social Security Administration, and after much wrangling and frustration, he managed to get a photocopy of the license Garvis used to get his social security number. It was dated 1983.
The face staring back at him was almost exactly the same face he’d seen at Club Vlad, except maybe a touch less stiff and waxy. Though not as rough looking, there was no way in hell Garvis was 20 in that picture. It had to be a fake,
Bruce thought back to the events of the previous two days. Missing bodies, staked corpses, hearts that still beat after death.
Vampires didn’t seem like such a crazy explanation.
And if anyone was a fucking vampire around here, it was Merrick Garvis.

Note that I also posted this in flooring . Please remove if it violates the sub's rules.
tldr: previous DIY owner installed laminate flooring wall to wall in kitchen but left gaps and installed cabinets over the floor. Do we have to redo the cabinets when we get better flooring?
Hi folks.
We've been in our home just about four years. Previous owner was a big DIY guy and had recently redone the kitchen before selling.
After a couple of months in, we began finding gaps between the boards and had to push them back into place by slide-kicking them while wearing sneakers. We have a bunch of kids so there's a lot of wear and tear now as well.
Now there are around 8-10 gaps in various places, corners are coming up (they hurt!) and there's some warping near the dishwasher (yes we need to get that checked for leaks).
Previous owner installed this flooring wall to wall but left some gaps under the fridge, dishwasher and the cabinet to the right of the sink. These gaps directly correspond to where we are dealing with the gaps showing up in the middle of the room.
They installed cabinets over the flooring.
It's clear that we need professional installation of better flooring that is more suited to a busy kitchen.
My question is: are we going to have to replace the cabinets as well because they were installed over the flooring?
Pic 1: two of the gaps we regularly readjust
Pic 2: previous owner shared pic before flooring installation
Pic 3: previous owner shared pic of wall gaps just prior to installation completion
Thanks!

tldr: previous DIY owner installed laminate flooring wall to wall in kitchen but left gaps and installed cabinets over the floor. Do we have to redo the cabinets when we get better flooring?
Hi folks.
We've been in our home just about four years. Previous owner was a big DIY guy and had recently redone the kitchen before selling.
After a couple of months in, we began finding gaps between the boards and had to push them back into place by slide-kicking them while wearing sneakers. We have a bunch of kids so there's a lot of wear and tear now as well.
Now there are around 8-10 gaps in various places, corners are coming up (they hurt!) and there's some warping near the dishwasher (yes we need to get that checked for leaks).
Previous owner installed this flooring wall to wall but left some gaps under the fridge, dishwasher and the cabinet to the right of the sink. These gaps directly correspond to where we are dealing with the gaps showing up in the middle of the room.
They installed cabinets over the flooring.
It's clear that we need professional installation of better flooring that is more suited to a busy kitchen.
My question is: are we going to have to replace the cabinets as well because they were installed over the flooring?
Pic 1: two of the gaps we regularly readjust
Pic 2: previous owner shared pic before flooring installation
Pic 3: previous owner shared pic of wall gaps just prior to installation completion
Thanks!

Ok here's the situation. Got a 2 level house. Kitchen sink on lvl2 directly above lvl1, presumably sharing same grey water line. Both sinks are right next to dishwashers. Lvl 1 kitchen has not been used for about 2 weeks. However, I'm in the crawlspace today and see water dripping from lvl1 directly below the dishwasher. Go inside lvl1 kitchen and dishwasher has about 6" of water in it, some of which is seeping out of door, going under washer, and creating crawlspace leak. Also notice lvl1 sink has dirty standing water. Come back about 20 minutes later to manually empty out dishwasher, and notice the standing water in the sink is gone! Manually remove water in dishwasher - and the leak into crawlspace basically stops. Great! Come back to check on it couple hours later. The dishwasher is still empty of water, almost no dripping in crawlspace. But, the sink once again has standing water in it! Where did the new water come from? In that 2 hours, lvl 2 used their sink. Could there be a clog sewer side of lvl1, and its catching water from lvl2?

I have a small business - 2 person, never going to make me rich, but I get to do the work in a way that is meaningful to me - that I need a cooling solution for. Second story of a mixed use commercial complex with a sloped roof. I was just given a quote for $34k to install a single zone mini split AC. I was expecting more of the $13-17k range. This is in the California Bay Area, near but not in silicon valley

Inclusions: Provide and install (1) 3 ton mini split system, Including :
Wall Mounted Fan Coil
Roof Mounted Condenser and support pad.
DX Refrigerant Piping
Wall Mounted programmable thermostat.
• Condensate pump and piping to closest drain.
• Electrical circuit from existing panel to equipment. Budget, a sight visit will be required to
confirm capacity.
• Rigging
• Start and test system.

And exclusions:

Overtime.
• Fire life safety system, fire life safety wire, Fire dampers and sprinklers.
• Permit and plan check fees.
• Structural engineering, Structural calculations and permit set drawings for
Owner and city review.
• Structural support or modifications.
• Line Voltage Electrical.
• Plumbing / condensate piping.
• DDC controls.
• Roof Screen.
• Architectural and wall work.
Cutting, patching or painting.
• Ceiling repair.
• Duct pressure or leak testing, Duct cleaning and Sound Testing.
• Performance of existing equipment andsystems.
• Warranty, repair or replacement of existing equipment.
• Decontamination and disposal or handling of hazardous materials or wastes.
• LEED or Third party commissioning and or documentation.
• Any work not mentioned above.

It also mentions that the project will require a roofing contractor, whose costs aren't included in this bid.
I've asked around, and the residential version of this install seems to have cost about $7-10k within the last 2-3 years.
Why is this bid so much higher? Is this a brush-off "happy price" bid or is this realistic? The person who I asked to review it (used to work in real estate so knows what bids are supposed to look like) said this was vague, had a longer list of exclusions than inclusions, some of which should have been included, and missing a bunch of details. Are commercial installs really 3-4x more expensive than residential? The leasing agent and/or property manager is the one who solicited this bid for me, so I'm wondering if that may have made a difference and they thought deeper pockets could afford it. Or, I could be just totally out of touch.
Thoughts from people who know how much this stuff actually costs would be much appreciated.
And yes, as a service providing business owner, I know that things cost what they cost, and good work doesn't come cheap, and I respect that the HVAC employees are skilled tradesmen and I value their expertise. This is just out of my wheelhouse and I want to know if that's a "go away" bid or a real one.

Hi, I’m quite sure we have several types of mold under kitchen sink. A long slow leak from a pvc drain pipe that was improperly installed by her plumbing company, and fixed by company owner. I posted pictures of the damaged and rotten wood, the mold and the leak on the property management website. It took a week for her to get the plumber here. She told me she would fix the wood floor by covering it up with “something”. I replied that was unacceptable. She said that I would have to wait. I reported this on April 25… nearly a month ago. Plumber was here over 2 weeks ago. Today I got a text from her that I have to wait until sometime in June because all the contractors are tied up!! Can anyone tell me what the timeframe is for apartments in Massachusetts to have a mold problem properly addressed? I also don’t think we need a “contractor”… her handyman should be able to replace the floorboards under the sink. What are my legal rights, if any? I’m not sure she has even notified the landlord about this specifically.

Just got a quote for some plumbing work that will start this Saturday afternoon. Squealing pipes for about a week now, and this morning my wife had the kitchen cold water tap loosen itself and open back up. Prior to this we have had a slow leak for about a week from the cold water line in the kitchen. Pipes were also squealing this morning after toilet was flushed (I think the refill line). Plumber found the water pressure was 80 PSI and he says the high pressure has likely damaged the cartridges in the sink faucet. He proposed:
1) install a pressure regulator on the main water line to down-regulate to 50-60 psi. $625
2) replace the old AF wall-mount kitchen faucet since it's old, unbranded, and the cartridges are likely damaged and would be tough to replace with like parts. $350 parts, $80 labor.
3) replace the fill on the toilet $165
4) Bonus service: we want to install a dishwasher. Pipes are in the walls though. Replace the galvanized risers in the wall with copper, and bring the pipes out into the cabinet under the sink with proper valves to T-in a dishwasher. $800. No patch work included. I've been meaning to learn how to properly patch drywall, and the dumb cupboard under the sink seems like the perfect practice ground.
$1435 total if done in a single appointment rather than piecemeal. So on paper, he offered me ~$600 discount to do all of this in one go.
I personally feel like this is fair, but I wanted to see what y'all thought before I'm a little more firmly committed. So far the plumber has been prompt, forthright, and has given reasonable explanations for each service. Also comes recommended by my realtor.

It's throwing this code, however, I can see water coming out into sink's garbage disposal (quite rapidly, it's not a dribble or anything) when it's running the drain cycle. 8-1, according to tech sheet, means:
Function Code: 8- Draining
Problem Code
1- Slow Drain -
Cause: 1. Obstructed drain hose or path.
What to Check: 1. Unplug dishwasher or disconnect power.

1. Check for blockages from Sump Check Valve to customer’s plumbing. Potential items: plugged garbage disposal or plug not knocked out, drain loop Check Valve stuck and/or plugged hoses.

Anything to check for here? Is it possible I have to somehow clear this code? It definitely is not running a normal cycle, but it also doesn't seem like drain hose is obstructed at all.

We have had a couple of issue that popped up around the same time. Our landlord has sent out a repairman that has only finished part of the job and will not answer when I ask for more information.
Issue 1 (5/6) - large leak under the kitchen sink. Repairman came out to fix the leak. Told us a pipe came loose under the sink, they fixed the leak but also told us a pipe needed to be unclogged in the basement and the baseboard under the sink needed to be replaced. Landlord ignored the request to fix the board under the sink. They told us we would be charged for the pipe clog due to improper use (I don't believe this is true) but ignored my text when asking how much it would cost. Now our kitchen sink is backing up during normal use and when the dishwasher runs. Follow up requests via texts and maintenance portal were sent on 5/7, 5/8 and 5/9
Issue 2 (5/9) - we had a leak from our shower head and our tub spout runs while the shower is running. Maintenance comes out and let's the landlord know the shower spout needs to be replaced cause it's old. We hear the maintenance guy talking to the landlord and the landlord is trying to say we have done some kind of damage to the shower (again, not true). The maintenance guy tries to explain that the spout it just old but the ultimately caves to the landlords delusion. Maintenance cuts out a huge section of drywall and replaces the spout and says we'll have to put in a new request for the tub spout even though it was apart of the original request. Maintenance says he will return to replace the dry wall and we hear nothing from him. I text the landlord to confirm when they will be finishing the repair and I get radio silence. Now the shower has stop working completely, we only get water flow from the tub spout.
I am not sure what to do at this point or who to contact. I feel like I will need to fight for my security deposit back at the end of my lease but I don't know how to fight this in the mean time. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Synopsis: High intelligence, High endurance, No Vats, never leave Power Armor, always on drugs.
At lvl1: Build
Strength: 3 This allows us early access to Armorer. Optionally drop to 2 and wait for Strength Bobble. Carry weight is always nice to have though.
Perception: 4 This allows us Rifleman, lockpicking, and Demo Expert with Bobble. Could easily drop to 3 and put elsewhere, we won't be investing in Demo until later, and it's not necessary for the build. I like having explosives and lockingpicking = xp+loot. Could dump completely and depend on Bobble to get Rifleman.
Endurance: 5 I actually don't get a single Endurance perk. 1 pnt in Aquaboy can be good if you want to do some swimming for certain items early. Lifegiver is okay, but I don't find I need the passive regen ever, there's plenty of food around. As the +HP, I prefer to just add points into Endurance. Endurance also has the bonus of reducing the AP cost of sprinting, which will help your PA cores last longer. Chem Resistant would be nice to have but I never had a problem using consumables to cure addition.
Charisma: 5 For Lone Wanderer, and eventually Local Leader. I often put my extra SPECIAL point here so I don't have to go rush the Charisma bobble. Charisma is the first stat I'll max after the build is complete, could also do STR or END.
Intelligence: 9 We want that sweet sweet XP, we want Nuclear Physicst so our PA cores last forever, Chemist for crafting drugs and staying on them, Science, Hacker, Scrapper(optional). Medic is nice but I don't find I need it.
Agility: 1 We don't use VATs, and sneak still works fine for our purposes (long range).
Luck: 1 No VATs, no need.
At level 35: Build
At this point, the build is already functionally complete. There's still some things to get to 4/4, but we're not high enough level for it. So you can start investing in stats (I'd go STR(strong back) -> CHA -> END)
Idiot Savant special note: I've done this exact build but with lower END and 5 Luck for Idiot Savant. Idiot Savant is always an XP bonus, BUT with (10 Int) vs (10 Int + Savant), you need to be about lvl70 to even break even on pnts invested in Luck (7-8 after perk). So, only go for Idiot Savant when you have high int if you are: A-> going really high level B-> also going to want other Luck perks.
Alternatives:.

• Commando: drop Rifleman, and put 1 pnt into Agi. Or drop Perception completely. I'd also consider dropping CHA to 3, and PE and STR down one pnt as advised above to get luck to 5. This gets you Scrounger and Idiot Savant. Scrounger will help since Autos eat ammo. Can also sell excess ammo.
  
• Melee: Minimal vats melee can be done in Survival, though it takes a special playstyle to get through the early game. Drop Per and put in Str. Pump Str early and eventually get Pain Train. You'll have a rough start but upgraded power armor + endurance makes you extremely tough to kill.
  
• Even more THICC: Drop Perception, lower Str one point. This gives you 9 Endurance. Won't need to rush Str bobble, but consider getting it early after you have points available for Armorer. First Minuteman quest gives you Per bobble and your armor anyway.
  

Summary:.

• Once you get your Power Armor, start trying to upgrade it pretty early. The increase HP of each piece and increased DR make a big difference.
• VATs drains PA cores, so yours will last a long time.
• END decreases sprint AP cost, so your cores will survive you sprinting around.
• Drugs drugs drugs. Craft em and don't forget to take them. You can easily have +25% DR and +25-75% dmg, +stend/hp and other things whenever you enter a combat zone. +25% Crit outside of Vats. Carry weight too low? Take some bufftats, eat some grilled Radstag.
• Can craft Antibiotics and all the other helpful survival chems.
• Rifleman means you can have good sniper options and shotguns to blow things away. I use a single shot pipe rifle to unload on small targets and save ammo.
• High Int lets you build all the nice Settlement stuff.
• You can still use VATs, just not often. I use it to hit annoying to shoot bugs usually.
• Can easily go late game Robotics Expert and make ADA unstoppable.
• You can wear a full Charisma suit under your PA and pop out of your shell to talk to people.

It feels like there's nothing this build can't just walk into and dominate. You take so little damage, and are super strong at range or up close. You get lots of XP and quality of life from high Int and high Endurance. I often forget I am even playing survival.
Early Game Advice: my favorite part about this build is it does not require you to do any shenanigans like sell poison caltrops for money so you can buy the best armor /weapons in the game at lvl1. Just go do the minutemen quest to get your first Power Armor, and then I usually go east of Sanctuary towards the Satellite dish. Hit the robot disposal site for 3 free power cores (1 in box and 2 when you self-destruct the combat bot) and then there's one more in the Satellite building. With 4-5 cores in your backpocket, you can safely wear PA for the rest of the game. Just don't go Sprinting everywhere till you get your PA perks up.

[First] [Previous]

A quick thanks to aMANTEIGAdo for the Liiry fanart

Transcription Subject: Fink, Landlord/Veln supporter
Date [standardized human time]: February 24, 2137
I idly waited in the empty restaurant for this mister Gilt. His secretary had sent me a message saying that he was underway. It’s weird how his secretary has refused to make any phone or face calls, and has only contacted me through messages. It shouldn’t matter though, so long as this Mr. Gilt is a level-headed and reputable leaser.
My train of thought was suddenly interrupted by the jingling of the bell above the entrance. Walking through the doorway had to be the most veteran-looking exterminator I have ever seen. He wore 3 exterminator badges, but far more impressive than that was how he was covered in scars. They were concentrated especially heavily around his neck, most likely from predators attempting to bite through his throat, and somehow he’d survived so many attacks. What did puzzle me further though was how unevenly his fur was shaven and the strange look in his eyes, one that I could not place. “Hello. Mister Gilt, I presume?”
“The one and only. I’m here for the interview and to see the restaurant.” I now noticed that he was wearing a pawsfree headset. Its green light was blinking, like it was on.
“I’m sorry, but are you having a call right now?”
“No! No, I am a very busy venlil and always wear this in case I get an important call.” A bit strange, but I suppose not too out of the ordinary.
“Well, could you tell something about yourself?”
“As you can see, Gilt, er, I have spend decades removing the taint of Venlil Prime and keeping the population safe,” Gilt said in a rather strange way, like he was reading it off a paper; maybe he had memorized the line, expecting the question during the interview. “Now that I’m retired from that lifestyle, I have begun investing my well-earned money in small businesses.”
“That all sounds good. Your secretary already gave me most of the information I needed, like how you’re going to turn this place into a salad-based restaurant; he called it a ‘salad house.’ And I’m sure that I don’t have to ask you what your policy on humans is.” I gave a small chuckle, imagining a veteran exterminator like him welcoming humans warmly into his restaurant.
“You don’t have to worry about me or any employee of mine ever accepting those tainted scum into my establishment. I can’t wait for Veln to be voted in, he will surely make sure that those filthy humans will be cast off our magnificent Venlil Prime,” Gilt said, again quite stiff. He might just be nervous.
“Rightfully said, he sure has my vote.” Speaking of humans, is that one across the street? Over Gilt’s shoulder, I spotted a human making a phone call in an old, rusted-up van. He was looking straight at me, up until he noticed I was looking back and quickly looked away. With relief, I noticed that a pair of exterminators were walking straight towards the car. The human seemed to end his phone call and opened up a window to speak to the exterminators. With that small problem solved, I turned my attention back to Gilt, who seemed to be panicking a bit. I suppose even someone with nerves of steel as him can get nervous over simple things like an interview. He pressed a button on the pawsfree headset, and the blinking light turned off.
Transcription Subject: Vuccen, Krakotl Exterminator
Date [standardized human time]: February 24, 2137
Another day, another pointless patrol. I wish they would give us something real to do. But with all those ‘animal’ welfare laws and us no longer being allowed to lock up anyone with predator disease, we have nothing left to do but roam the streets in the hopes we find something that we are allowed to do. My prayers were answered, because not 10 meters ahead of us, I saw a human sitting in the passenger seat of a terribly beat-up van covered in rust and algae. Weirdly enough, it had a sideview mirror on the driver’s side. Finally, something to do. “Come on Cuko, I see a human let’s see if it’s hiding something,” I chirped to my venlil partner.
“Please be nice to them, they hardly ever do anything wrong.” She’s so kind, too bad that she sometimes focuses it on the wrong kind.
I tapped against the window with the talon of my right wing, and the human quickly ended a call and began to crank the window open by hand. “Hey, if it isn’t Burny-bird, how are you two doing?” he said, switching glances between me and my partner.
All of a sudden, I recognized the human’s face; it was the same one that purposely angered me last month [chapter 2]. “Get out of the car,” I demanded while I unholstered my flamethrower.
The human casually placed his arm in the window and calmly asked, “Why, what have I done?” Cuko behind me signed with her tail in agreement.
“Random search, now get out of the vehicle.”
“Sure, ‘random,’ totally not out of some bias to antagonize a specific species,” he said sarcastically as he got out of the car with one hand raised while the other opened the door.
Cuko guided him to the front of the car for a pat down. “Please place your claws on the hood and spread your hindlegs.” If evolving into predators wasn’t enough, they had to be completely bald too. With all those false pelts, humans can hide so many dangerous items without anyone being the wiser.
I wretched when I looked into the car; the floor was littered with mouldy cans of vegetables, nearly empty save for the rotting scraps and overgrown utensils. “W-why?”
The human spoke up while he was being patted down by my partner, “I know what you’re looking at —ough, careful with those nails— and those are not mine, all that junk is from the owner, my friend. I have been urging him to clean it up, and I’ve even thought about doing it for him, but he really should learn to take care of himself.”
I began to sift through the junk, relieved that I am covered from talon to neck in a rubber fireproof suit, not having to coat my feathers in this filth. Outside, I heard that Cuko hadn’t found anything dangerous or illegal on it, and that its name was ‘Maarten.’ I was about to give up on finding anything until I pulled a lever on a small rectangular object I found in the glovebox, and a small knife flipped out. “Aha, got you now filthy predator. Why do you have this?”
“That’s a pocketknife, that’s just a tool. I have it in the glovebox with the rest of my tools to keep this hunk of rust running.”
My partner spoke up with a concerned look on her face, “It’s not illegal to own a knife that small. You probably have bigger ones in your kitchen drawer, we can’t arrest him for that.”
It looked away from me and continued looking at Cuko, as it did before I spoke up. I shudder imagining what predatory thoughts lie behind those binocular-eyes.
Transcription Subject: Maarten de Groot, Human Refugee/Meat dealer
Date [standardized human time]: February 24, 2137
Don’t pet her, don’t pet her, she has a flamethrower.
Transcription Subject: Vuccen, Krakotl Exterminator
Date [standardized human time]: February 24, 2137
Giving up on finding anything in the front, I slid open the side door, revealing even more junk. At least these look more promising…and not covered in mould. Why is there a dishwasher and 5 blenders in here? “I noticed that the wool on the top of your head is a lot more puffy then on most venlil,” the human carelessly remarked. Of course, it’s going to point out her insecurities, typical predators.
“It is, you don’t have to mention it,” Cuko replied in an annoyed tone.
“It looks good on you, it’s cute.” What?!
“Oh, er, thank you…very much.” I can’t listen to this, she’s to naïve to understand that it’s just tricking her. I continued searching the back of the van for anything, traces of meat, weapons, dead venlil. I opened up one of the 3 large boxes that were hidden behind a piece of plywood that was haplessly placed there. There was a cool box inside. Jackpot! To my disappointment, it was empty, and so was the next one, and the one after that. Stil,l though, why would anyone have these hidden away like this?
“Why are there 3 cool boxes hidden away in the back in back?” I asked, demanding an answer from the human and interrupting it from its conversation with my partner.
“I don’t know, why is any of that stuff in there? On our way over here, we saw a dishwasher on the side of the road and he threw it- well he asked me to throw it in the back.” This is going nowhere.
Transcription Subject: Fink, Landlord/Veln supporter
Date [standardized human time]: February 24, 2137
“And that is why you should never combine drain cleaner and aluminium in a metal canister,” Gilt said, finishing his strange explanation.
“Huh, I never knew how to make an acid bomb. Shall we begin with the tour?,” I asked, finally cutting off Gilt’s rambling about chemistry. What a strange person.
The dining area wasn’t much to look at, it was completely empty save for a bar that was bolted to the floor, hence why the previous renters didn’t take it with them. Gilt walked around seemingly at random, looking at the outlets and taking a glance at the empty shelves behind the bar. “Are these taps pressured by gas?,” Gilt asked while he pulled on a lever and being briefly disappointed by the lack of alcohol.
“Yes, I think there was room for 2 canisters, but I have to look that up. May I ask you something? Why do you know so much about chemistry as an exterminator?” Gilt’s tail suddenly began flicking nervously left and right.
“Uhhh, uhhh, I uhh, studied it, yes, I studied it, but I was better cut as an exterminator.” I was unable to get a proper read on him; he sounds like he’s lying or at least nervous about something.
“Shall we take a look at the kitchen?”
“Yes!” Gilt nearly yelled, and he instantly got up and speed walked through the kitchen door. When I walked through the door, he was fawning over the industrial freezer lined against the wall. “This thing is big enough to fit a body inside…hypothetically.”
“…Yes, it would be very useful for you for keeping your vegetables preserved. There is also plenty of counter space, and even a strayu-oven,” I said, doing my best sales pitch.
Gilt immediately took a liking to the oven. “Can this thing make other stuff too?”
“Well, it’s a strayu-oven. I don’t know what else you want to make with it, especially in a salad-house.”
“I don’t know! Perhaps other food that needs to be warm?” Gilt said dismissively, his tail nervously flicking left and right. I think he’s just very nervous.
“I am quite glad you’re an exterminator,” I said, trying to relieve the awkwardness. “I really don’t want to have any humans in any of my buildings, especially not after what I heard on the news not a quarter claw ago.”
He gave a confused ear flick. “What are you talking about?”
“It’s all over the news. Some humans blew up the front of the exchange program headquarters. Those dangerous predators should have never been allowed to stay on our planet.”
Gilt his ears folded back and showed a snarl, something hardly any venlil did and combined with the fact that he looked so dangerous made me instinctively back up. “Those sons of farsuls, I will make them pay! Humanity First is making the humans’ reputation even worse!”
“Calm down sir, you’re no longer part of the force.” He really takes this personally. You can take the exterminator out of the guild, but you can’t take the guild out of the exterminator. “Hey, you seem like a good leaser for this place.” And the only participant. I quickly said, hoping to change the subject. He was a bit intense before, but now, he was starting to scare me. It’s not like I trust this man, but I need to lease this place out too not go under. To many leasers and renters pulled out after going bankrupt, after Venlil Prime left the Federation. All because Tarva wanted to sleep with a predator.
Miraculoisly this seemed to work miraculously, “Oh, great, where do I sign?” His ears lifted up again into a happy expression, though only for only a short moment until his pawsfree headset went off and he immediately answered it. The green light began blinking once again. “What?...No…No…Yes…I already did it, without your help…bye…bye!”
Transcription Subject: Vuccen, Krakotl Exterminator
Date [standardized human time]: February 24, 2137
I noticed Cuko was looking a bit confused at a piece of paper with some venlilian writing on it. “What do you have there?”
“That human from just then, gave me his phone number for some reason.” She’s too naïve for this line of work.
A/N:
As always I really appreciate comments, it gives a lot more satisfaction than a few up arrows.
A special thanks to u/InstantSquirrelSoup for proofreading. Check out his fic: Arxur Hospitality
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