What is the friendship bracelet with the diamonds called

My friend "Jenny" (23F) and I (21M) have known each other for around eight months. She told me about her struggles with mental health (borderline personality disorder) and I've always been supportive.
Our friendship has been smooth, except for one incident some time ago. We were drinking at her place and my sister Lena gave Jenny her vape to try. When we were leaving Lena realized that she can't find her vape and we started looking for it. Unfortunately we didn't find it and she had to leave without it. Lena flamed my phone all night that she needs her vape back. I was tired and drunk and didn't really see it as my problem so I just added her to a group chat with Jenny and told them to sort it out. Jenny said that she gave the vape back and doesn't know where it is. Next morning Lena said that it's chill and maybe it's a sign she shouldn't vape anymore.
Couple days later the vape was found under Jenny's couch. I drove to Jenny's to get it but my sister never bothered to come and get it so it still is on my desk. I thought that was the end of story.
Weeks later, we are planning another outing and I ask if my sister could join, and Jenny seemed hesitant. I asked what's wrong and she said she's hoping for an apology. Surprised, I asked what for, as it hasn't crossed my mind she would take that misplaced vape situation that seriously. Jenny said she felt hurt by that incident and that we made her feel like a thief. Taking it for a simple misunderstanding, I told her that we never accused her of anything and never would have thought of her that way, but she still insisted that it was a stressful situation for her. I texted Lena to let her know, she apologized and so did I.
Now, I'm on a weeklong job training and were given a name tag that I'm supposed to wear whole summer. I asked Jenny via group chat (us and another girl friend) if her boyfriend could laminate the name tag for me. She said that he gladly would, but I need to buy the sheet as they're running low. I was ok with that and she immediately asked me for my first/last name and email so she could place the order. She showed me the listing for a whole pack (~15$). I asked if I have to pay for all of that since I only need one and I'm currently broke, but I'll be getting my paycheck in 10 days. Jenny got kinda annoyed and said she'd pay, but I owe her a bottle of wine. I said again, ok, after I get my paycheck.
So she input her email, but asked for my name again. I jokingly told her that she doesn't have to ask as she already knows, and she replied "Do I? I don't even know you". I thought we were still joking, so responded with "Really, after all we've been through?". She asked "what have we been through?". I replied with a play on words that translates to "We've outdone ourselves" and she replied with "Not really". This is where I got a weird vibe, so I asked if she had some personal problem with me. Jenny said "Why would I? I don't even know you". Confused, I decided to drop the topic, and simply said "okay". She then asked why am I offended, and I replied by asking when have I said I was, and was met with "idk" as a response.
I stopped replying after that, but privately texted the other friend in our group chat to ask if I had done something wrong. She told me that she didn't think so, and suggested calling Jenny to ask. I told her that I had already asked and didn't have energy or time to play mind games.
I haven't spoken to either of them since yesterday, but still can't figure out why Jenny is mad at me. Or maybe she isn't and I'm just overthinking? I have other friends with BPD but never had issues like that. I really need another person's perspective here.

I was meant to go to an event today with a friend I haven’t seen in ages. Our last few plans had been cancelled due to them double-booking plans with other people and even though I was upset, I brushed it off, and they apologised and said that they didn’t want to piss off the other person they had plans with. I took a step back and decided to let them put the effort in to our friendship.
They called me this week and asked me if I wanted to go to this daytime event/festival today. I said yes, I was really excited tbh. They can’t stay out past late afternoon because they’re working early tmrw and also they were going for a few drinks the night before, but nothing big and even suggested we meet in the morning. I texted last night to confirm and still good, but pushed back meeting by an hour. I woke up to texts from late last night/this morning saying they basically felt rough and asking to push back again a couple of hours and meet mid afternoon.
I just feel like cancelling because I honestly feel pissed - the best bits of the event will be over by then, they’re going to be hungover, we won’t have as much time before they have to go, and if they’re tired/hungover they’ll likely leave earlier anyway and it’s annoying me because I know they absolutely 100% are not expecting me to be annoyed or cancel. I get that it’s easy to lose track of time when you’re having fun, and 9 times out of 10, I wouldn’t mind. A huge part of it is that they know I never get mad, and it hurts that they made decisions knowing it would impact the time/ability they had to be present when they’ve been so busy that I haven’t seen them in months, whereas the people they were out with last night are people they see regularly. They also know that I’ve been going through a really hard time, and this meant a lot to me, and there’s just a lot more history there that’s making this more hurtful.
What makes it worse is that some new friends (who have been so so lovely) invited me to the same event literally a few hours after I’d been asked, and I didn’t want to turn them down and they kind of know my friend through a mutual friend (met a few times on nights out) so I asked if they could come along/we all meet up, or I could join after they left, and they just haven’t responded at all and I’m a bit confused and not sure if I overstepped. I also didn’t want to just say no because I knew there was a good chance my friend would flake, and they seemed like healthier friends than my old friend group tbh so I wanted to put effort in buuuut I kind of feel like I fucked that up lol.
I’ve just been noticing it more and more since going through a really rough patch in my life and ig reaching my limit on being an afterthought - I’m constantly the one that people let down when given the choice between me and someone else, and I feel like it’s something I’ve created in my relationships by always choosing to let it go, or not wanting people to feel like they have to worry about me getting mad. Now I don’t really know how to change it, or whether the friendships I’ve formed will survive that.
I don’t know whether me cancelling is just punishing myself/an overreaction, or setting a boundary. I don’t want to disrespect myself by brushing off my feelings and still going to this thing with them just because I don’t want to go alone/want to catch up with them. I also genuinely know that they do love me a lot (we’ve known each other a long time), these things happen, and it’s maybe just not that deep, or I just need to think about it from a different perspective. I’ve not replied to their messages and we’re supposed to meet in a couple of hours. I just feel really lost.
Has anyone else experienced similar things, or maybe have any suggestions/advice, please? Ty in advance! xx
tl:dr; friend changed up plans last minute due to going out the night before, want to cancel bc I’m hurt and feel like they see me as a pushovewouldn’t do this to other friends, but don’t want to act out of emotions/go about this the wrong way.

I am looking for advice on how to handle a situation with a friend. I want to apologize for raising my voice during a recent conversation, but I’m unsure how to go about it. The last time I apologized for being short due to stress, she said it was fine but later used it against me saying that no one has ever raised their voice to her and I was being condescending by raising my voice. Should I just move on and accept that the friendship might be over, or should I apologize? If I should apologize, how do I approach it? I feel conflicted because I worry she won’t understand my side and might hold onto how I responded for the future. I know raising my voice was wrong, so this isn't about whether I was right or wrong. I’m seeking advice on how to approach this difficult conversation or if it's even worth trying, given the circumstances.
Here is what happened:
I had previously declined a trip with work friends due to financial constraints. Friend A informed me about a closer location, and I still declined, explaining your financial situation. During drinks, Friend B asked if I would go, and I said maybe because it was in front of everyone and I felt embarrassed. The next morning, Friend A texted me telling me she already booked the hotel and it would cost $200 a person if they can get 6 people. No pressure though.
I explained my discomfort in discussing financial issues publicly and felt pressured. And that her text message felt like even more pressure after I had already told her no and the only reason I said maybe was because Friend B asked me in front of everyone. Friend A denied pressuring me and said that she was surprised I said maybe. And then said she didn't ask me to join and that they asked other people. We both exchanged messages, with me emphasizing the impact of her actions. I wanted her to understand that the way she handled this upset me and that she shouldn't have even brought it up again after I said no the first time. Finally after I realized that she just didn't understand my point of view, I asked if we could just let it go. And her response was “I’ll let this go for both our sakes. It’s very likely you misinterpreted the situation/my intentions but I want to let you know I did not appreciate being the target of your frustrations this morning."
All the time I was not rude, I had explained my feelings. She asked me to call her to talk and I wish I hadn't because her last message made me angry because she was upsetting me but turned it on me. My voice was raised when I called and she said that it's my fault I feel like this and her saying no pressure should have made me understand that. And then she brought up a disagreement from 2 weeks prior which I had apologized for and said that I hurt her feelings. She then started crying about the thing from two weeks before.
I finally just said that I didn't want to deal with this and I was going to move spots at work so I wasn't sitting by her.

Im sorry about what happened. I didn’t disappear on you intentionally.
If you remember 2010, I left because i had no idea you might have feelings for me or that i did and because i thought you didn’t care about me as a friend. Seemed like you had so many good friends and i was afraid that you would hurt me like N did. Im weird about friendships because I barely had any growing up and seemed to constantly lose friends. I didn’t leave to hurt you I just thought you wouldn’t notice.
Then more recently, i was in love with you. I didn’t want to hurt you. Not ever. I started to think you were using me along with him encouraging that idea then the proxy changed and became nasty and i didnt even know you were still out there loving me. I didn’t know it hurt you and realizing last night from your letter hit me like a truck cause i never wanted to be the person that appears to prove your trauma fears right especially not for you. I know what thats like and i know how horrible it feels (though with a different trauma of course) and it pains me so much that thats how it was for you.
Im so sorry but as i was saying I didn’t do it on purpose. I just didn’t even know. The thing about our relationship is it was through letters and i stopped looking at letters and i guess I stopped writing them too. So you couldn’t know and i dont remember seeing anything from you. I vaguely remember you were upset that i was talking to him but i don’t know if you knew he ghosted me after seeing my picture. I dunno. I was so lost and confused at the time. Writing letters became too difficult, thats why i stopped.
I guess i am a terrible person. I shouldn’t have talked to him though i remember someone kept trying to talk to me during the beginning. It was probably him.
And based on the fact that i got psychosis just from talking to a dude casually a while before that (when we werent talking cause you told me to leave you alone, which id still like to know what happened there, that whole thing really hurt me but that’s not the point of this), i was far too traumatized by men then to have any clue about him (A). Unfortunately. (Btw, i wish we had a more private place to hash out private things)
Im not trying to make excuses and please don’t say i am (cause my mom has forever and ever) but this whole thing was more complicated than perhaps you thought.
Im conflicted because i feel like this is the path i had to go down, to find myself and figure out my traumas but i never meant to hurt you along the way. I never wanted you to feel abandoned and left without a word. I can’t imagine how that must have felt. This will eat away at me probably for the rest of my life.
Im sorry, this is a shitty explanation and apology but apparently all i could come up with at the moment. My brain is all over the place.
So, thats why i thought you wouldnt want to give it a try anymore. Seemed too terrible to ever trust me again.
I do love you (but without any contact how can i show you? I wanna show you) and i see a future everywhere around me of us. Comes up unbidden. Sometimes i think i hear you, im not sure. And i worry im so bad at just everything that youll think im just some user. I don’t know how many users go through extreme embarrassment though lol. They’d be smoother too. Im so awkward.
I froze when i realized just what id done (inadvertently). From the letter. I shut down completely. My guilt is never ending, what’s some more. But for reasons i can’t explain right now (one day though) this guilt is extra excruciating. Cause it’s you. The one i adore most.
You always thought (it seemed) that id done something to hurt you with all this intangible guilt i carried around but it was just how i annihilated the whole world.
I wish i could hold you. You can yell at me if you want. If it helps. I wish i could just be near you.
It’s been like 5 years. I can’t believe it. We’re due to see each other again.
Anyway, i love you and i hope you have sweet dreams when you sleep baby (he calls you babygirl ive noticed). I’ll stop calling you that.

"These are the messy, broken pieces that inevitably exist in Star Trek, not just on the ships, not just on the worlds the USS Cerritos checks up on, but within the characters themselves. Star Trek: Lower Decks makes Star Trek better because it shows us characters that are real and relatable , with problems we can identify with, and additions that keep enriching Star Trek canon."
Star Trek Is Better Because Lower Decks introduced:
"Replicator Malfunctions; Hysperia, The RenFaire Planet; Ferengi Television; Badgey; AGIMUS; The Dog, Created By Tendi; Moopsy; The Smiling Koala; Orion Culture; Starfleet's California Class Starships; The USS Cerritos Crew)."
Jen Watson (ScreenRant)
Link:
https://screenrant.com/star-trek-lower-decks-canon-best-additions/
Quotes:
"Naturally, Star Trek: Lower Decks thrives on callbacks to some of the weirdest and most beloved parts of earlier Star Trek shows, but there's no need to have an encyclopedic knowledge of all things Star Trek in order to enjoy Star Trek: Lower Decks. Instead of relying on all the Star Trek shows that preceded it, Lower Decks references itself as the seasons go on. Best of all, Star Trek: Lower Decks enriches Star Trek canon by introducing new elements that just didn't exist before, from minutiae that "upper decks" shows might not concern themselves with, to brand-new characters and creatures we all want plush versions of.
Replicator Malfunctions
What is life like for a junior officer on a starship? How do they sleep, shower, and eat? Well, it turns out that the lower deckers sometimes have to deal with what happens when the USS Cerritos' food replicators get a little ... touchy. Unlike tragic transporter malfunctions, which are the basis of many an introspective morality play on Star Trek, the not-so-tragic replicator malfunctions on Star Trek: Lower Decks are a little more comedic in scope.
If there's one true thing about advanced technology, it's that it's going to break at some point. Brad Boimler seems to get stuck with the worst of Star Trek: Lower Decks' replicator malfunctions, like a Bonsai tree for breakfast, everything tasting like black licorice, and an endless supply of steaming hot bananas. And when replicator credits are a thing, you can't just keep asking for new stuff. You get "banana: hot," and you deal with it.
[...]
Orion Culture
Star Trek: Lower Decks seeks to balance out the sexist tropes from Star Trek: The Original Series and the attempts to flip the narrative about Orion women in Star Trek: Enterprise by featuring Star Trek's first Orion main character: Science Officer in training Lt. D'Vana Tendi. Tendi showcases Orion culture from her own perspective, calling out Beckett Mariner for subscribing to harmful stereotypes, while also illustrating the true things that perpetuate the ideas of Orions being pirates and assassins.
In Star Trek: Lower Decks season 4, episode 4, "Something Borrowed, Something Green", Star Trek's first visit to the Orion homeworld offers glimpses into the aspects of Orion culture that explain persistent stereotypes and why Tendi is sensitive to them. Danger and deception are a matter of course for Orions, with aspects of piracy playing a part in everything from Orion wedding traditions to competitive games. The Orion culture seen in Star Trek: Lower Decks is surprisingly nuanced, and actually manages to reconcile seemingly conflicting ideas from earlier Star Trek shows.
[...]
The USS Cerritos Crew
By far, the best additions that Star Trek: Lower Decks makes to Star Trek canon are its characters. Star Trek: Lower Decks would be nothing without the depth and realism of the character-driven stories that lay at the heart of every single episode. Each of Star Trek: Lower Decks' main characters has their own fatal flaw, ther own way of getting in their own way, so to speak, that proves relatable to those of us who are ambitious perfectionists, subject to self-sabotage, hiding who we are, unsure how to use our talents, or trying to find our place -- no matter how old we are. At the end of the day, Star Trek: Lower Decks is about the Warp Core Five's friendships making them stronger, better people.
By offering in-depth looks at the lives of junior officers, Star Trek:Lower Decks shows the depth of life aboard a Starfleet ship from the ground up. These are the parts of Starfleet that the upper-decker heroes of other Star Trek shows aren't privy to, or left behind long ago. These are the messy, broken pieces that inevitably exist in Star Trek, not just on the ships, not just on the worlds the USS Cerritos checks up on, but within the characters themselves. Star Trek: Lower Decks makes Star Trek better because it shows us characters that are real and relatable , with problems we can identify with, and additions that keep enriching Star Trek canon. "
Jen Watson (ScreenRant)
Link:
https://screenrant.com/star-trek-lower-decks-canon-best-additions/

My friend, let's call her A has always been very hot and cold, and at the start of our friendship, I was always the one starting conversations and initiating things, I was fine with that, and as we started to grow closer, she started becoming more open with me, but its just so fucking frustrating, she's hurt me more than anyone else, yet she's provided me with more comfort than anyone else too. She knows about my daddy and mommy issues, how much I hate my family all of that. She was the first person I came out to (I'm still closeted), yet she distances herself from me even though I try every day to be a good friend. It's not like I'm a bloody saint; I've been shitty to her too. We had a pretty big fight a year ago, and I was really fucking mean to her when it wasn't her fault. A week ago, some stuff happened, and even though we're teenagers, her parents started controlling her. Keep in mind that she's the most amazing person ever, is friends with everyone, has straight A's, and is loved by every teacher. Her parents forbade her from being friends with people of my race and religion (not because of me) because of their own trauma that she accidentally recreated. She pushes me away and then starts talking to me when she needs it, at least thats how I feel. It's a constant push and pull, and I don't know what to do. I want to yell at her, but she won't yell back, I wanna fight and I wanna get it out of my system because I'm the type of person who wears their heart on their sleeve, but she won't fight. I don't even know what I'm feeling; I'm a confused mess. It hurts, like a lot and I'm just so tired of it, I want advice or words or anything

Maybe hate is a bit strong, but I (18) am getting sick and tired of my friend's (19) low prioritization of me. This will probably end up being a little long and I'm sorry in advance, I just don't have anyone to talk to about this. Reddit kinda scares me but I really need some kind of third party advice, and maybe to vent a little. I'll keep the context as brief as possible, but I think a little bit of history is necessary to understand why I'm so irked. If you don't want to read it, though, it'll still make sense, so you can skip the next paragraph if you want.
Context: We've been friends since about 13 and have talked about every day for years, even if only for an hour or so. We bonded over our shared creativity of original characters and that's what's been the bulk of our conversation topics through the years, but we also talk about our lives and share events whenever something interesting or significant comes up. We'll also share smaller things like pictures of our pets. Typical stuff. I'm a very studious person, I prioritize schoolwork over friendship, but even when I'm in the midst of finals I've always made an effort to at least say hi in the chat every day, and for a long time we still talked for hours multiple times a week. I was literally doing assignments from 3 PM until 1 AM for years. Last year, I was completely drowning in schoolwork, and communicated so. For those 4 months or so, we didn't talk nearly as often, and that was the first occurrence of us losing daily communication for an extended period of time. Back to how our main conversation topic is our OCs, my friend--who I'll call Avery--started talking more to a friend--who I'll call Casey--that they had for a couple years and made a new OC world to talk about with them, point-blank telling me while we were hanging out that they needed someone to get their OC fix from. That was fine and understandable, basically just another way of saying they needed a friend to talk to more often. At that point school had lessened and we started talking a little more again. Except from that point on, conversation started to fall more and more on me. They no longer thought of "things" about their characters to tell me, which we'd both do frequently before. They no longer had anything interesting about their day to tell me. I had to reach out first a lot of the time, and when it was their turn to say hello they'd take a couple days. And it sucks a little, because they've effectively replaced me. Not even "almost," it's pretty literal.
Now fast forward to present, it's been about six months and school has been a lot easier. I mean I've had more time to myself than ever before and I actually have weekends again (who knew college would be easier). Avery didn't go to college, but has been helping their grandma out and living with her. Avery and Casey are now dating. Casey is very sweet, I like her, I have nothing against her at all. She's the best girlfriend Avery has had so far and they seem very happy. It's Avery I'm pissed at. I still reach out whenever it's my turn, but I am the one to think of conversation and Avery hasn't thought of a single thing to tell me about their life in the past two months. Casey is very clingy, and seems to message Avery multiple times a day, to which they'll respond and it seems like, from what I can tell, they talk almost every day. We haven't talked about our characters in months, and that singular occurrence that prevents that from being longer was short. Our conversations are often stilted by responses that are hours apart and dry responses that I can't continue the convo with. When I do the dry responses back, they don't bother trying to pick up the convo, but do another dry response and toss the ball back into my court. It's fucking tiring. Just last week they went to a convention and got a tattoo, but I didn't hear anything about this until we met up today and they only showed it to me after my mom pointed it out. Their first tattoo was of my art (which was sweet), but I would've thought that getting another would be something notable enough to tell me? They showed me art they've done recently this time meeting up, and pulled it from a recent chat with Casey where they shared it with her. It's pretty clear she's the first one they go to with anything notable enough to talk about now, and I'm left with the "No, I don't really have anything to talk about"s.
The thing that makes this tricky is that I've talked to them about this several times before, and they acknowledged that they've been bad at reaching out, and implied that I'm still their favorite person and they try to prioritize me (which I did not ask, they said on their own). When we meet in person we get along great, but talking online is fucking abysmal now. They are a very flaky person in general, with low general drive to do anything and a low attention span. I think a lot of this is that their girlfriend simply takes up a lot of brain space, and whatever duties they have helping out their grandma takes up a lot of their time. But I'm still pissed off because I've always made an effort to talk to and spend time with them, as much as I can, and I KNOW they have more time than I did then and have more than enough wiggle room in their schedule to make an effort to maintaining a friendship with them. Part of this might be that they take me for granted; we've been friends for a long time, and they probably don't think I'll ever fully leave their life. Maybe they're right, because our moms are friends. But I'm less attached than they probably think I am and I'm willing to drop them. I just don't know if I should really give them up yet, especially because of all the history between us. All I know is if this goes on much longer I'm going to, because now it's summer break and we have all the time in the world. If they can't make an effort now, they never will.

I don't how to start or how reddit works but this is my first post.
I'm 28 (F) and I am dealing with the guilt and disgust of cheating on my sweet of man I call boyfriend. ive been with him less than a year and it was with my son's dad. It was a one time thing. I don't know why I did it, i sound like a dumb cunt even saying it but I fucking regret it. It was at the beginning of the relationship and now that we gotten more serious, it has been too heavy on my mind. I haven't told him, its been a few months since it happened and I know me not telling him is making it worse. I know i may even loose him. He trusted me, he still does. And he should, as ignorant as i sound I learned from that stupid moment and haven't done anything like that again. I'm not a cheater but in that moment for the first time I was. I don't know why I was so weak minded, I don't know if the time I had with my sons dad made me weak minded and i just went for it. I don't know how to tell him I'm scared to loose his respect, friendship and love for good but it's something I'm willing to accept or that's what I've been trying to tell myself. I'm a piece of shit! The guilt and disappointment I feel towards myself for betraying such a sweet caring soul and also knowing the pain it will cause him when i do tell him has me feeling really ill. Lately late at night i randomly start thinking of what i did and it has me up feeling anxious to where I can't breath and my heart is pounding. I've never had a panic attack but I think that's what it's getting too. I dont really believe or understood how panic attacks worked but just remembering what I did what I will cause him when I tell him, Makes me want to hurl and then my heart pounds and my chest feels heavy and breathing is very difficult. It's hard to speak I can't even cry. I hate everything about the situation. I don't want to feel this way, i don't want to keep this from him anymore. He deserves better. I was his better until I fucked up, i don't even know why I did it. I knew and know better
What do I do? Do I do the correct thing and tell him the truth and run the risk of loosing him forever. How do I even bring it up? Or do I just keep trying to push this sickness and guilt away and just not bring it up because I know hes who i want and a mistake like that will never occur again. How disgusting to even type that but I honestly need advice on what to do. I hope someone can give me honest advice.

Ok so some basic background, I [19N] am a college student in the united states currently off for the summer. At school I’m part of a really tight-knit friend group of me and 3 girls including my friend who I’ll call O [20F] (whole group including us is 19N, 19F, 20F, 20F).
We are all very close. I’ve never been in a friend group where any combination of us could spend time together alone and always get along/it never be awkward, but our friend group is like that. Last semester two of us were suitemates (one of whom being O) and next semester I’m planning on living with the two of them as well. We are each others’ support system + confidants and we hang out pretty much constantly, even when we are on break or not physically near one another we facetime, text, etc..
Over the last few months O and my’s relationship has been shifting and has definitely taken on a romantic/sexual undertone. We’ve never acted on anything sexually and we’ve managed to keep our feelings mostly a secret from others (I think) but I know she is attracted to me and she knows I am attracted to her etc..
As I said prior we are off from school for the summer, and it happens that O and I live in the same region while our other friends do not. We live about 1.5 hours apart and so we don’t hang out all the time but we’ve been hanging out together in person just the two of us at least once a week, usually more, and it’s seeming more and more impossible to pretend there isn’t something between us. I know something is going to happen, hell I want something to happen, but I want to try to make sure it doesn’t hurt our friendship/friend group.
Regardless of what happens I know introducing romance into a friend group could cause problems. If we get together, it could be weird for our friends to hang out with a couple. If we break up, that could possibly cause a fallout/picking sides/us not being able to be around one another anymore. Even if we don’t get together at all, ik things will become tense between us and come to a head somehow.
So far there has been some conflict in our group but we’ve always been able to resolve it and I think we have healthy conflict resolution. But I know that this could get very messy and ruin things and I want to handle this in the best way possible.
Also, we are both bisexual but she is a cis woman who only has actual dating experience with men. I am nonbinary AMAB but I “look like a woman” so people would definitely perceive us as a lesbian couple which is something she wouldn’t have experience with and could cause additional stress.
Any advice on how to handle this carefully would be really appreciated. Eg, if we get together should we let people know right away? Should we just really try to keep things platonic, if so how do I accomplish that without hurting my and O’s feelings? Etc. I just want to preserve my friendship with O and our friendship with our group as well and protect everyone’s feelings.

Hi!
I don’t know if this is the right place to post this on, but I’m not sure where else to vent. I don’t know if anyone is going to read all this.
I have a friend that I’ve known for 10 years. I suffered from extreme depression and he was always there for me. He always answered my phone calls when I was in crisis.
Now, I’m worked out my depression with a lot of on and off therapy. I found confidence in myself and we now have conversations outside of depression.
I tend to add political views into our conversation to see where he stands and where we can bond on. (We trauma bonded for the longest time.) I’m not a super political person but I believe in human rights and I got to protests when I can. I’m a black woman and he’s a white man. As a black woman, I think it’s important to uplift other peoples voices when I can.
My Dilemma started when we started talking about culture. He had mentioned that he find it ridiculous when people complain that other cultures wearing cornrows. I told him I’m one of those people. I don’t believe that anyone should wear cornrows/box braids beside black people. There are a million other braids to wear, why wear the ones that hold meaning to the black community? (I don’t mind people not agreeing with me. A lot of black people don’t agree with this but I also know a lot of people feel the same.)
He had also mentioned how the woke culture are sensitive and can’t take anything seriously.
He continued to make negative comments about cultures. It came as a surprise to me as he’s a guy that claims he loves everyone, accepts everyone and doesn’t judge anybody.
The last straw for me was when I confronted him on his comments. He continue to say that woke people are just r*tarded and that they are just a bunch of people that act like they have Down syndrome. I was mortified. He than continues to say it was just a joke. I told him that I consider myself woke.
When I had first explained that I didn’t like white people wearing cornrows due to bullying and I’ve seen/heard white people saying so many disrespectful things about cornrows while wearing them! And I was bullied for it. He had mentioned that I was being too sensitive and made the issue too personal.
Now, I had mentioned had cornrows have a deep meaning to me. Almost, like how First Nation people have an attachment to their hair. I told him about the history of cornrows and what it meant to me. He replied that he doesn’t care and that “ it’s just hair”. when I told him that it was just hair to him and not to other people, He continued by saying that people are dying.
I was appalled.
…Then he added that he thought that culture is a joke. When I said that culture is the most beautiful thing on earth and our differences is what makes us special. He said “yeah, but look at the class system in India with the untouchables.” Again, I was completely appalled. He is someone who teaches yoga, mindfulness and meditation. He also teaches jujitsu. He owes his whole career to other cultures. He makes money off other peoples cultures and he think culture is a joke? I wanted to tell him how the British people actually implemented that class system but I didn’t have time because he had moved on to religion. He had mentioned he was agnostic but religion only use is to control people. I told him, that I believe that bad people used religion to control people and that religion in itself is beautiful. Sadly, bad people exist everywhere in every religion.
He said to look at Islam and how they believe that they should b**w people up that don’t follow the religion. I asked him three times if that rule was written in Quran. It’s only after the third time did he tell to fact check him.
We ended the conversation on that.
I took a couple of days to reflect. I told him that what he had said was quite upsetting. He proceeded to apologize for my feelings and tell me that it was my fault anyways for starting the conversation.
Am I wrong for wanting to end the friendship?

Hi, Natasha here and you can call me Nat for short. I miss the time when making long term friendships wasn’t as hard and complicated. The time when connecting, enjoying simple deep conversations and just having pure fun are simple.
If you genuinely looking for someone long term, wanting to connect, vibes with, daily conversation and enjoying each other company, drop me a CHAT.
Tell me your INTRO, ASL, what you looking for in this friendship and your status too.
Looking for someone older or around my age. A few years younger is fine and for the fun of it, tell me your horoscope. No attached or married man please. Looking forward to getting to know you 😊

Disclaimer: As I said, there’s a certain extent to which bullying becomes too much (doxxing, threatening people, being bigoted, etc.) That behavior is not okay.
With that being said, bullying is honestly a key part of building strength in people. We can’t all live in a safe space bubble all the time. People will be mean, people will be rude, and face it; you cannot fix that. You cannot change the fact that the world is full of mean people. I hate to be the guy who says “if you can’t beat them, join them“, but realistically you cannot erase all cruelty from the world with the power of love and friendship. This is real life, not some anime where they defeat the lord of evil with the power of friendship.
Was I bullied? Worse actually, I was abused as a child, and if I could turn back the clock, I wouldn’t. It made me strong. It made me who I am. I used to be a fat kid, but enough was enough and I pulled myself together and got in shape. Now I’m going to the gym regularly and do MMA. If I was pampered with parents who said “oh no honey, you’re beautiful the way you are, don’t listen to those body shamers” I’d still be fat. But because of the hostile environment I grew up in, I faced the hard truth of life, and became a hard worker as a result. Now I’m headed to college with a merit scholarship, and I credit it all to the rough background I came from. It made me realize that nothing in life comes easy. It made me realize you have to be strong to live in this world. There was once an incident in my high school where some kid made these juvenile offensive tweets, and the kids who got sheltered all their lives had a huge meltdown over it because they couldn’t handle it. I don’t condone bigotry, but I’ve had classmates call me slurs to my face before and I didn‘t bat an eye because it was a joke compared to what I suffered at the hands of my own parents.
TLDR: A little bit of bullying isn’t so bad for kids. It teaches them that life isn’t always gonna be friendly and soft. It won’t kill them, but it sure as hell will make them stronger.

dude...i just got rejected...by this girl thats like...the girl of my dreams. For a recap, when i started 9th grade (school year 2022-2023), we were seatmates. We usually didint talk but one time, during a hard leason in maths which was like quadratic equations and stuff. I was struggling hard. I legit was just staring at the activity sheet. After a while she noticed and helped me which brought the start of our friendship. We always talked through chat, sometimes irl, but its mostly through chat. The first few weeks of talking, she usually sent me videos of herself doing math problems that i can watch if i need help. It continued untilthe math lessons didint get hard the following quarters. Summer vacation came, and i thought it would be great. Guess what...IT WASNT. I hate my family, my dad isn't with us, so it was only me(oldest), my mom, my lil brother, and my sister. Me and my siblings are all 3 years apart from age. I dont know why its always me getting scolded back then for the things my siblings do. It was so bad...i wanted to commit suicide. Like, my mental state was not OKAY. I didint know who to cry to, who to talk to. But then, thats when i thought, why not talk to her? So i ranted and ranted and ranted, i wanted to kill myself. I wanna rnd my life. Things were rough and on the outside, i might look tough or emotion less, but in reality. Im just a sensitive loser thats emotional, easily cries, and sucks at everything. I told her i wanted to kill myself. She kept stopping me. And take note, we rarely talk irl because...im too shy yo approach her. Then she said the most out of the blue thing "If you can't find a reason to live, why not make me your reason to live?" IT HIT HARD. I didint know what to say or reply. I just dropped my phone and continued crying in my room. A few days passed, i talked to her again, but i guess that was the wrong day because she was NOT in the mood. Her parents were about to go divorce because of a problem(i cant rlly say). She told me stuff like she already cried abt it and stuff. We were both there for each other. after that talk with her...summer vacation went, just a little smoother. We always get to play games on roblox, because we cant rlly meet up. We always chat from morning till night. It was perfect. Then, 10th grade came(school year 2023-2024). This time, we weren't seatmates. Since we both go to a special school which has a robotics class, and our T.L.E(Technology and Livelihood Education) was specialized on animation. Like, the whole thing was about 2D and 3D animation. Beinh the perfect most smartest person she is (atleast in my eyes) she was assigned the role of 3D animation for her group. After that...we never got to play most of the time...during our mid year break, she was still busy...a few months pass and on the 4th quarter(final quarter) of the school year. THEY ANNOUNCED THAT OUR BATCH WAS HAVING A PROM. So naturally, i was so excited. I immediately invited her and asked if she wanted to go with me. She said she's gonna think about it so I waited. I asked her about 3 weeks before prom. Then when our batch representative announced in the groupchat that since theres more girls that boys in our batch, they made a poll on who wants to volunteer to go individual to prom. SHE IMMEDIATELY WENT SOLO AND VOTED. It kinda hurt...she said she was gonna think about it and well...she went solo. I asked her why she did that and then she said "I wanna go with my other friends", which was okay with me since i have no rights to make her my partner because...well...we weren't a thing yet, and i still havent confessed. After that...a few more weeks pass, and take not of this specific detail: She asked me what my discord was because she said she forgot what my discord name was because she lost count and alot of her discord friends changed names. THEN I REMEMBERED, my discord bio was basically, me telling that i like her and hoping she doesnt find out and stuff. So i immediately change it then send her the screenshot of my discord.
After 1 week, prom night came. I went in a cool looking suit and stuff when it was time for the red carpet... she eas absolutely stunning. Her eyes sparkled, her pink dress was beautiful. In my eyes, shes the one that stood out the most. She went solo for the red carpet...and i did too..i told my self if i wasnt gonna get partnered with her, then im not gonna get partnered with anyone. Our tabled were far apart but i could still see her from the distance. When it was time for the slow dance part of prom. I went outside because well...i wasnt gonna dance with anyone. When i went outside i saw her with her friends. I just passed by and sat near the bench outside of the venue. I didint know what to do but just admire her beauty from afar. She was perfect. As time passed, only a few more minutes were left before prom night ended so i worked up my courage and went to her. I was about to confess but then when i looked at her, my mind went completely blank. Her eyes weren't the ocean, but i still drown...get lost in them. I was panicking on the inside but on the outside, I was just staring at her. Then the moment of silence was broken when she suddenly said "I already know you liked me"...i smiled...then she said "gotta go" as she want back into the venue because her friends were calling her she looked back for a second then shouted "I knew from your discord bio" AND I WAS SHOCKED. Because...after the discord incident...she never distanced herself from me. We kept talking, and one time, she even asked me "Be honest, Do i text badly? Do you feel ignored?" Which was like...dude...bro i love her. I just sat on the bench the whole night thinking about what i should do. After prom, when i got home i immediately texted her and said "sorry for earlier...my mind went black ahahahaha" she said "its okay" then i said "so...uhh...do you like me back...?" She said "sorry i dont feel the same..i wanna keep things platonic" SO THAT SHOOK MY TO MY CORE...it hurt alot. But still, we kept talking, she still didint distance her self.
This is my confession btw: If you ever get this message, it may be because when i confessed to you, I had a lot more to say(i didint confess😭). You made me feel the most special person in the world, for once i felt i wanted and i guess you're the reason for that. I know you might not like me back, and i know I'm probably not even close to your standards, but i just wanted to tell you how i feel about you. Do you know the saying: "you cant love others without loving yourself first." I never believed in that because I never loved myself, but you...I love YOU so much that i forgot what hating myself felt like. You're the reason i catch myself smiling out of nowhere in the middle of the day. You are the sunshine in my thoughts, and the unexpected joy that fills my heart. Every time I think of you, everything seems just a little brighter and a little lighter. You make waking up the best part of the day, seeing you at school always makes me the happiest person on earth...and i really just like you...i hope this won't ruin our friendship, and that things won't get awkward between us.
A few more weeks passed by and it was our moving up. I didint get to go because i was sick. Before that she was showing me a necklace that she found on Instagram then...well...i thought to myself why not buy it. Atleast i can give jer something for moving up. I bought it for her..then thats when fever struck me. I didint get to go to moving up so i just told her about the necklace. Then she said "Oh i wanted to give you something too, a Friendship bracelet." Since we both didint get to see each other for moving up, i just told her..."lets give our gifts for each other next school year" and she said "sureee". After that well..A FEW MORE WEEKS PASSED BY. And i was thinking to myself. I wanna pursue her. I loved her. And like...i dont know how to say it. So i made this whole ass paragraph again.
WHAT I SAID: I've been thinking abt this for a while now...and i really wanna try pursuing you. I know you're still prioritizing ur studies and time with ur fam but, i do wanna try pursuing you, i know that you never felt the same and stuff but like...yk..i guess that's the point? who knows you might fall or maybe feel the same too? I'M NOT FORCING U OR ANYTHING. Just... you're one of the people who made me feel this tingly feeling like, when someone mentions your name or your chat head pops up on my screen..i just get this feeling, it only has ever happened when its about you...i cant really express through words what or how i feel about you...but im POSITIVE..i can show them through my actions. i wanna give you the best hugs you deserve(im rlly into hugs). I wanna get to know you even more, i want to get to share unforgettable experiences with you. You're the first person that just I REALLY WANNA PURSUE AND BE WITH. You are the most perfect person in my eyes...i know perfect people don't exist but your imperfections, your flaws, everything about you...it just makes me go bananas. So...how about...we try it...? Like...trying to learn how to love me too...? ARGH I DONT KNOW MY HANDS R SHAKING AS IM TYPING THIS...i just wanna....be with you...i wanna stay with you and...i dont know what to say anymore...but maybe...just maybe even if its the slightest chance, maybe you'd fall for me too like how i fell for you? I know I'm putting our friendship at risk of awkwardness and stuff and maybe even the end of it...but I'm willing to take those risks for you. I know I'll just get hurt but...can you really experience love if you don't feel pain too?
IM NOT PRESSURING U OR ANYTHING DWWWWW!! dam I yap alot😭 just answer with a yes or no. And i know what to do next. Anyways, iloveuu🫶🏻(?)
I sent it to her after a few hours of procrastinating. She replied a few hours later and this is what she replied.
HER REPLY: Idk, like I said I don't really care, but I don't wanna, and u shouldn't get ur hopes up, liek I said last time, I really don't want to get into a relationship at all, I'm sorry if this hurts your feelings but you did say that you aren't forcing but I don't want to "try" or anything like that, I see you as a friend and only a friend. I appreciate that you think of me that way but I won't be returning those feelings back to you in any point of my life.
IT HURTS. It hit me hard. Its like getting shot straight to the heart. Her reply was the last time we talked to each other(3 days ago). We still havent talked after that. Im legit gonna cry...the first person i actually had feelings for...damn.

There’s a lot of B’s running around right now so hopefully you won’t recognize my writing. I don’t have the energy to be evasive and I’ve learned our story isn’t that unique. Limereance I called it. Sounds fitting. But it’s been months, and I still yearn for your voice. I still hope every time I open my phone that there is a good morning pretty text or good night lover message…..there never is. Is it still limerance or an unhealthy attachment to feelings not produced by any other relationship friendship or otherwise.
I’m sure by now you and the MD are getting along great! Woot woot. You deserve all things good you have worked so hard for them. Good for you. I may be selfish. I may have narcissistic tendencies but my fibers miss your being, my soul yearns for yours….and I selfishly want to hear your deep voice and silliness that always made me so happy.
I am attempting to release your energy from my being. I am attempting to unattach my heart but every time I think I’m getting closer the universe sends me little “sign.” A song. A phrase. Your name. Something you would like, or not like….whatever. And I’m right back in this cycle.
You have made it clear that you don’t want to hear from me. Ever. I’ve been deemed unsafe. Good. I’m sure it’s for the best. I’m sorry I gave up. I’m sorry everything was too much all at once and you were what I thought needed to be cut off and with a swift quickness.
If only I could explain in such lovely words. If only I could properly put emotion into phrases. If only I was more experienced and more sure, if only.
I could say this is my last letter but it won’t be. Like a lighthouse my light will burn through the night and should you ever need it to find your way back, I can’t reach out first. You set the expectation and I cannot breach that boundary….that to me is love, but I told you once and meant it a million times over it was written in the stars.
So live my dear. Love. Laugh. Have a happy life and make good memories. Make good choices. Go to bed with peace in your heart and your mind. I love you. Unconditionally. I could apologize a million times but it will never be enough. Once one has been deemed unsafe that’s that and that’s okay with me.its taken a long time to be okay but I think I am now, Shouting to the void. Hoping for a whisper in your heart.
Much love
…….

I have this friend I have known for around 3 years, she’s my best friend through and through. She’s amazing, funny, smart, all of the above. Me being a guy, I developed an initial crush on her that slowly subsided as she just became my close friend. That was the first two years. However, during sometime around March something flipped and I realized how much she really meant to me and how attractive she was. Feelings came back against my will due to the fact that I would sometimes call her my “sister” because of how inseparable we were. We were really close and sometimes got a little “cuddly” and would often watch movies together during free periods. That brings us to my dilemma now. I told her. I told her how amazing she really is and how she could make me smile and she was one of the few people who I could actually talk to. Sent her a full love letter of a text… She loves me. She loves me so, so much, but doesn’t feel any romantic attraction to anyone at the moment (she hasn’t id’d as aro or just doesn’t care enough for romance). My heart melted as this was the first time someone had really said they loved me. At the same time I felt it shatter and I don’t know why. I understand not having romantic feelings to anyone isn’t something you control but I feel sad still. She says she wants to still do things with me and hang out and not let this ruin our friendship but I feel like I am burdening her with my feelings. Something feels empty now that I told her. I think that I’m scared that when we are friends, she’s going to find romantic feelings. Just not for me. I do love this girl so dearly. But I don’t know how I would take it if I watched someone I hold dearest to my heart fall for another. I want her to be happy. I want her to be the happiest person on the planet. I just am scared that I won’t be the one able to do that. If I really do love her, should I just let go and let it run its course? Still be friends of course, but rebury my feelings before they end up hurting me? I think that I have been in this cycle of self-inadequacy and how it would affect her. I hate that I had to catch feelings for my best friend. I am young and stupid and don’t know what to do as this is the first time I have ever had emotions over a single text. Any advice on how to move forward in a positive manner?

(WOULD I BE THE ASSHOLE?)
Okay so, I have a problem. My best friend, let's name her Jessica, has been bothering me. I've been thinking of cutting her off for the past 6 months and I genuinely don't know what to do anymore. Jessica has called me a "pathological liar" ever since I broke up with her, and yes I've dated her before 6 MONTHS ago in Dec and then she left me because of her "mental health," but I later found out that she had called me a pathological liar. Once again, we didn't talk for 3 months so like this isn't the first time she's ever lost me. However, I've gotten close with her ever since March 2024 (my birthday)so her and I started talking and became best friends to the point where we tell each other love life's, bathroom business, etc. Sometimes she triggers my anger so much because she HAS been talking to multiple girls, I want to say around 5 and has been flirting with everyone in our friend group. Even today, she came up to hug me and comfort me which is normal for best friends to do, but keep in my she is also still my ex. I do definitely have boundaries with her and I let her know through various ways and strategies I have. My friends although still think that she may still be in love with me/haven't gotten over me and thinks that Jessica is just using these other girls to get her mind off of me. I've seen some of her reposts on tiktok too with stuff like "How can I be happy when the LOML left me?" (Aka the last one was me, checked the date) Then also had another post, "hit your throwing partner or get back with your ex" and then the person missed, insinuating that she wanted to get back with her ex. (Which is me) These reposts are pretty old though, so I wouldn't know what her feelings for me are now. I do think that I need to somehow limit her because she's been causing me so much stress and confusion within the friend group. Everyone in the group has LIKED Jessica at some point, and either wanted to date her. Jessica was the one that actually went after me first, and everyone that she's dated chased her. Back to the main point, Jessica also likes this girl that I'll name Leah. Leah is a girl that she had met at camp last year (this crush has been like in and out typa thing). Idk if she had a crush on Leah when we were dating (I don't think so because Jessica was head over heels for me) Ann's I don't want to sound like a weird ex that wants to be like "the better ex," but something is soo off with this crush. I know what Jessica's actions are when she truly likes someone, and when she talks to Leah it's like she's a "Hey Mama" lesbian. (Search up if needed) She flirts with Leah relentlessly and thinks dirty around her while also not acting like the Jessica I knew. The Jessica I had was a sweet, charming person that would get me flowers from anywhere, hug me in the halls randomly, texted me nonstop, checked up on me, etc. We spent Halloween and Thanksgiving together, and it almost went to Christmas. Jessica's changed. That's all I pretty much needed to say, and I still do in fact have feelings for her, which is why I want to cut her off. I've gotten over her, but feelings do linger. I don't want to hold her back or myself back just because of our relationship not working out, but something about it was definitely different even according to our friends. She has just haven't been herself, she's hung around with not so good influences at our school and overall hasn't been the same person. I just want the old Jessica back, the kind one, but I know that's too much to ask for. So, Would I be the asshole to cut her off before something else ruins our relationship? I do believe that even though we have an amazing relationship/friendship, sometimes you're just meant to love people from a distance. So I was thinking of making that choice, love Jessica from a distance. I hope she had the best life possible, but I don't want to hear about it, yk? This wound has been cut deep, and I'm just emotional, so I need advice. Hopefully, I won't be the asshole if I break our friendship.

Chapter 1: Hope’s 16th Birthday
As the rays of the sun hits her eyes Hope Moonshine wakes up excited, she was waiting for this day for all her life
She jumps out of her bed and rushes to her mom's room excited and she accidentally flung the door open too fast making a loud cranking noise waking her mother, Queen Matilda up
"Oops didn't mean to wake you up" hope said awkwardly"Honey I know you are excited for your birthday but you need to be patient the sun has just risen everyone is still asleep" Matilda said tiredly, "please go back to sleep darling you will have a long day today and you will need the energy, your party wont be begin till noon"
"Ok mom, sorry for waking you up" said Hope as she was trying to close the door slowly enough that it doesn't crank but it still did "Not an issue dear", said Matilda
As the door closed Matilda took a deep breath and closed her eyes her emblem on her right shoulder a pink diamond glowed she opened her eyes and she made a finger gun with her right hand pointing at the hinges and a shiny pink light zaps comes out of her index and zaps the hinges, the beam turns into a hand and it open the door and then closes without making a cranking noise, "I should have done that a long time ago" said Matilda
She removes the blankets from her bed to reveal she is already clothed for a serious occasion, as she goes towards the mirror she is wearing a long cyan dress that trails all the way to her feed her top being smartly tight with short shoulder sleeves, she puts on long white gloves and glances over her diamond ring she lets out a small sigh and frown and puts it on, she trances over the mirror for a few seconds before snapping out of it, and she looks over to a miniature painting of her an her daughter when she was 6 she picks it up and smiles "I know you are eager dear you won't have to wait for long"
After Matilda ready's herself she open her window and conjures a light bird of the palm of her hand, the bird flew off to Hope's room where it sees her lying in her bed on her stomach, the bird soon returns to Matilda's room and land on her palm her eyes glows for a moment and the bird fizzes into a yellow cloud, "Well it looks like she actually listened not very common of her to do so, it means I can continue to do my plan unobstructed" she said with a smile.
Matilda leaves her room and walk across the hallway to the main hall then she claps her hand twice, and snap her finger, suddenly a figure jumps into the window it spins 180° and a muscular women stands up, she has a scar on her left cheek and short brown hair, she wore knight armour that cuts of at her shoulder emblem that looks like a dark grey shield.
"At your service my queen", she said with a salute
Matilda is startled for a moment, but then composes herself, "Sally there is no need for you to enter that way you can just wait for me at the hall entrance", she said.
"I was scouting the perimeter we have to make sure this place is safe and to make sure no one can harm the princess at her important day, I was up all night with my team searching every corner of the upper ring for any danger and-" Sally was abruptly cut off by Matilda.
"It was not your fault Sally, there is no need for you to prove yourself to me" Matilda said remorsefully, "You tried your best so you must eventually forgive yourself it wasn't anyone fault, it truly came from nowhere"
Sally's serious expression break into expression of regret as she shamefully looks at the ground
"Now is not time to punish ourselves over who we failed to protect but to make sure my daughter has a great birthday" Matilda said with determination
Sally's expressions of regret turned to a smile, "Yes my Queen, me and the royal guards have spent last few weeks clearing a safe path from the upper ring to the more presentable areas of the lower ring that ends at the great barrier" Sally says with a salute.
"Well I trust your judgement, you are now dismissed" said Matilda
Sally goes down the stairs of the central hall towards the doors "I won't mess up again" Sally said with determination
"Oh Houston" Matilda said while turning her head left and right, "where is he when I need him",
"I am right here your majesty" Houston whispered from behind, Matilda was startled and was annoyed on how everyone seems to sneak up on her, "Sorry for spooking you" said Houston as he polished his monocle "We are well prepared to begin celebration soon" he said as his hand pointed towards the empty hall.
Matilda stared at him, he then clapped his hands and an army of servants entered the hall setting up the chairs and tables, followed up by waiters quickly setting food on the table, and then 6 waiters came together to slowly lift the large 4 layered birthday cake with a milk white colour with chocolate cream on top of each layer, with "happy birthday Hope" spelled with strawberry topping on the side of each layer, with the glowing yellow number "16" candle at the top.
"As I was saying my Queen" Houston started "We just need to wait for the guests to arrive, I will let you know when you can call your daughter" Houston stops from a moment "Do you want anything else your majesty or am I dismissed?" he asked.
"You are dismissed Houston" said Matilda
Matilda walks up to Hope's room and slowly opens the door to find her laying in her bed
"One thousand one hundred and forty-two" Hope counted to herself, she paused and took a deep sigh, and tried to continue but then paused scratching her head "Um One-".
she was interrupted by her mother saying "Thousand one hundred and forty-three", "Unable to sleep dear?" She said with a smile, Hope gasped and she had the biggest smile in her face, her mother was a bit startled and asked "what is it you are smiling at?".
Hope pointed at her, jumped from her bed and as she was taking heavy breathes pointing at her mother clothes, "You don't sleep in this" she takes a deep breath and exclaims "which means I have got to get ready" and she runs to her closet to pick up something to wear.
Matilda takes a glance down at her clothes and rolls her eyes "so much for a surprise"
"I am ready mom" Hope said ecstatically, she was wearing a beautiful turquoise dress which complemented her hair colour styled in two plates with with joined with a pink band and wearing her favourite golden necklace,
"That was quick" her mother commented
As they enter the main hall a bunch of guests are seated drinking beverages and helping themselves to freshly baked foods, "Attention everybody, I would like you to welcome the birthday girl" said Houston, everyone stopped what they were doing and turned their heads towards the princess.
She gets a bit nervous and let out an awkward "hey guys", she didn't recognize any of them but she had to pretend to know all of them while hoping they don't ask her if she knows them, they all continue to stare as she and her mother get seated.
Houston lets out a forced cough to break the awkward silence, he says "and now Princess that you have come here you may blow the candles", the table the cake was on was carried towards Hope and her mother seated on there high chair, Hope tries to mask her excitement as she takes a deep breath and gently blow the candles, which fire off the cake and make a small explosion spelling out "Happy Birthday Princess!", Hope's eyes lit with joy.
Trumpets play and two royal servants come into the hall holding a gold plated chest decorated with diamonds, the chest is slowly opened and a blinding bright light shined from inside it, "Go ahead dear" said Matilda as her eyes pointed to the chest.
Hope goes down towards the chest and slowly lowers her hand inside of it and grabs what inside, as she removes her hand from the chest it reveals her to be holding the magic wand, it had a purple handle with a sparkly cyan diamond at its back end and a translucent turquoise sphere at it top decorated with a white glowing shape which resembled the combination of a two star into two different planes inside, and topped off with a small yellow crown at the top
Hope's shoulder emblem a pink heart with a tiny crown on top of both curves starts glowing, she raises the top of the wand at eye level, "ooh what's this" she says as she tries to stick her finger inside it to touch the spinning star
"HOPE DONT" shouted her mother, as soon as hope touched it burnt her finger and she let out a painful screech and fires a yellow glowing beam fires from the wand at some guest who were quick enough to duck, it hits a glowing orange decorative plant crushing it against the wall,
"hehe this could have been worse", Hope said awkwardly, the wreckage catches fire...
"FIRE" yells Sally, the guards that were standing by the walls quickly moved and shoved away all nearby guest as Sally goes and faces the fire here shoulder emblem glows and she fires yellow beam at it from her hands she then she clenches her fist and the beam turns into water extinguishing the fire and a yellow cloud evaporates from it, she quickly turn over to Hope and rushes over to her "ARE YOU OKAY PRINCESS" she exclaimed worryingly.
"I am fine it's just my finger is a little -" before she finishes her sentence Sally picks her up and running with her in her arms and runs up to the door and out of the Palace.
Queen Matilda is left with the guests and lets out an awkward chuckle and says "so who wants some drinks?", "Please help yourself to the finest wines in the whole kingdom" she said as a servant reveals a bunch of wine bottles in gold coating, the guests all rushed to get a sip
"I am telling you I am fine it's just a little scratch its rude for me to leave suddenl-" Hope was interrupted by Sally kicking the door open.
"PA-" Sally yelled before being interrupted by a "SHHHH", she was shushed by a woman with a white robe that cut offs at the shoulder, and a hand crafted necklace made of cotton around her neck, she had red hair tied into a bun and a green plus sign as her shoulder emblem.
"Seriously Sally how many times do I have to tell you to be quiet in here" said healer Pam with frustration she lets out a sigh and asks, "So what seems to be the problem?" Sally pulls out Hope and holds her at arms length right Infront of her Hope lets out a "Hi".
Pam gasps "Oh my princess sorry I didn't know you were coming, are you hurt?"
"No not at all it's ju-" Hope was interrupted yet again it seems like although she is becoming a grownup no one seems to want to listen to her
"She burned herself quickly check up on her" commanded Sally as she lowered Hope to her feet, Pam glanced at her up and down
"Where was she hurt", asked her confused. Hope sheepishly pointed to her left index finger it was a bit red which could be easily seen as it contrasted with her smooth white skin, but it was also accompanied by a yellow 'liquid', Pam conjured a white napkin to clean the site of the injury and singled out the injured finger from Hope's hand and put her hand on it and made into a fist and then she took a deep breath and closed her eyes her shoulder mark started having a green glow for a few seconds and then it suddenly went dim, she opened her hand to find the finger fully healed like it was never even scratched.
"Oh wow t-thanks" said Hope with a smile.
"Oh it's nothing" said pam, she took out her napkin it had some yellow glowing spots of what looks like fluid except its it didn't soak in but floated around it, "I see you can use magic now, what was your first spell" Pam said with excitement.
"I-i just shot this out of the wand" she said as she pointed at liquid on the napkin that started evaporating considerably, she then lowered her voice and talked faster "and it hit a plant and set it on fire" she was saying as she looked at the floor, Pam laughed and Hope was starting to blush.
"Oh don't worry dear we all mess up at the start, when I first started I accidentally broke a boy's arm" Pam said with a laugh.
"Is he okay now?" Hope asked with curiosity
"Well when I was your age healing wasn't what it is today they just put his arm in a cast and said if he was lucky his arm would be usable in three years", "I never was interested in healing like my mom but I wanted to fix my mistake so I studied and practiced for months to focus my healing and one day it just clicked, I got back to him and I was able to heal his arm and this happiness a patient feels when they are treated makes this all worth it" she let out a calm sigh and continued "It was not an easy journey but in just 8 years I was able to reach my peak"
"Eight years?" Hope said in disbelief
"Don't worry your path is way longer than mine my peak is at least four levels lower than you" Pam said with a grin
"It isn't that huge difference right?" Hope inquired hoping her journey wont be in the double digits because that's a very long time
Pam laughed and then said "Oh it way larger than it looks, but don't worry royals don't have a peak at least not one that one knows off" she put her hand on Hope's shoulder "Don't let the long road overwhelm you as long as you are better than yesterday you will be a great princess"
Hope smiled at her and said, "Thanks a lot Pam"
"So is everything alright with her, she stuck her finger into the wand are you sure there wont be any complications" asked Sally
"She will be alright she might have lost her finger if she went deeper and then It will actually a challenge to fix, but this is what pain reflexes are for, it a blessing in disguise", replied Pam
Sally clapped her hands and said "Well we got to go now we cant keep the guests waiting thanks for your help Pam"
Hope looked over to her and said "You should come over it's my birthday you can go change the setting", "No dear being a Healer is big commitment what if someone is in need of assistance and I am not here but I appreciate the gesture, maybe I could arrange my schedule to be there next time, go enjoy yourself".
"Pam the amputee is ready for his second regeneration session" a voice called.
"The what?" exclaimed Hope.
"Oh it's a bit graphic you really don't want to see it, I got to go now send your mother my regards" replied Pam as she ran over to a patient
Sally and Hope went to the door and left.
"You know I was really fine, it was just a scratch" Hope said as she looked up to Sally, "It's kind of rude to just leave the guests hanging I could have just sucked it up-"
Hope tried to continue when Sally muttered under her breath "I won't forgive myself".
"What was that?" asked Hope.
"Nothing, it's just you can never be so sure and no one was stupid enough to stick there finger in the wand I was just making sure but since it wasn't serious we don't need to worry" Sally said with an anxious fake smile, Hope sensed there was something off about her tone but she didn't want to push Sally into an uncomfortable spot so she left it at that
Sally and Hope make it back to the palace and Matilda rushes to her daughter "Oh dear are you ok"
She said as she gave her girl a hug, Everyone was staring and Hope got a bit embarrassed "yeah Mom I am ok" Hope said, Matilda stood up and was about to say something before Hope pre-emptively said, "I know I know it was pretty stupid from me to to do what I did, I know the wand is not a toy and I promise I will be more careful with it" she said while avoiding eye contact
Matilda smiled and said "Well I appreciate that you understand that you messed up but that not what I wanted to say" Hope made eye contact and Matilda continued "As princess and future queen we will have you visit the LOWER RING" Matilda took her daughter's hand "Sure its not the safest or best place in the kingdom but a hermit ruler is a bad ruler"
Hope got extremely excited over this as she always wanted to see the rest of the kingdom the Lower ring, the Outer ring but she was always told no because Sally's word "It's way to dangerous, you are not ready, you aren't old enough" or her mother's word "Is there something there that you cant find at home?, The place isn't very hygienic" but how bad could it be it was still under the rule of the Moonshines. Life in the Upper ring and the palace get boring after a while, why would she wants to stay put there when there a whole world to explore?
"The escorts are waiting for us outside those who want to go with us are welcome to go" Said Matilda looking at the guests with a forced smile almost knowing the reaction. All of them tried to mask there faces of disgust as if Matilda just asked them to bathe in mud or even worse she said that the food at the legendary "façade haut de gamme" was just an overpriced scam. They didn't look very impressed, Matilda coughed and asked "Well?".
One couple went towards the exit and when they got to Matilda the man said "We are truly flattered by your invite my queen but I am afraid we have something important to do" the man paused and scratched his head trying to think of an excuse Hope looked over him and asked
"What's more important to than a trip to see the rest of kingdom its not like we can always get to do it" with an ecstatic smile the woman who was scratching her head stopped as if she got an idea she went over looked to Hope with a stupid fake smile and said
"Well sweetie we forgot to sign up our son for school and registration will be closing today" she turned over to her husband and elbowed him in ribs and asked "Isn't that right honey?"
The man nodded in agreement and they walked out and they led out an audible sigh and when they were just outside of earshot the man told his wife "Moonshines huh? You would think after what happened a decade ago they would get the memo" the woman looked back at the Queen then waved and looked back at her husband and said
"She is weak if this happened to me I will make sure those pigs wish they weren't born".
Following into there footsteps and sensing an opening other guests decided to excuse themselves outside and at this point Matilda stopped resisting she knew some wouldn't want to go but she didn't think that many would go and she looked defeated Hope turned to her and said "Well mom we don't need those nose in the airers it's there loss anyways"
A woman walked up to them "She is right you know in-law" that woman was Hope's paternal aunt Mary, she had short blonde hair and brown eyes wearing a yellow dress for the occasion "The only reason any off these arrogant buffoons came here is societal expectations much like basically everything here" she said while rolling her eyes "and they all dipped the second they had the chance, come on lets go"
As they walked past the doors Sally was standing just outside the door scanning the setting with her eyes, her eyes wandered and locked with Mary "You should relax Sally no need for you to be so tense" she said with a smile she then changed her tone suddenly and said with a frown and a in a low voice that Hope and Matilda couldn't hear "Me and Matilda can protect ourselves and we aren't relying on you and my niece was under my protection since she was six, all you need to do is drive the horses and look menacing" and then she put her hand on her shoulder and smiled and said with an audible voice "So you can feel a lot more at ease dear", Sally tried hid her feeling of guilt with a fake smile "Let's go" said Mary joyfully
Everyone got on the horse driven chariot, just a classical chariot nothing magical about it, it's a very ineffective method of transport but one of the most relaxing ones
"HEEEEEY WAIT FOR ME" yelled a girl from as she was she surfing a purple cloud wearing a long sleeved purple sweater and blue pants as she got closer she tried to slow down by tilting her body backwards but she lost control and started flying at high speeds towards Hope
"EM SLOW DOWN" shouted Hope.
"I CANT BRACE FOR IMPACT" they both closed there eyes with their arms covering there eyes but just before contact she was caught effortlessly by Sally one hand and her cloud in the other she crushed the cloud in her fist into yellow mist that faded away and put the girl on her feet she then crossed her arms and looked down and barked
"Miss Emberlynn Springfield you should know how dangerous using magic without experience is, and you can't just rely on something you can't even responsibly use to make up for your own lack of punctuality"
Ember looked taken aback but she didn't want to look stupid so she snapped back with "I didn't know Hope is celebrating her birthday early in the morning, birthdays are a night activity".
Sally who was crossing her arms now raised her eyebrow and simply replied with,"Lies you were told everyday for the last week not my fault you can't seem to be able to be punctual friend's birthday, do you simply not care?".
Ember now looked embarrassed and now was rolling her finger around her dyed purple hair "M-M-My rooster didn't wake me up" she said with a smile while shrugging her shoulder as if she is asking question and the question was 'will Sally let the lecture go'.
"This doesn't matter now anyways it's that Ems is here" interjected Hope with excitement as she put her arm around Ember's shoulder "We shouldn't be wasting time let's go" she said as she punched her hand up in the sky.
Matilda, Hope, Ember and Mary entered the Chariot while Sally rode one of the two horses moving it while the other was being moved by an over-armoured and visibly nervous man.
"Calm down Edmund its just a short trip by a defined path we will be in an out in an hour or two" commanded Sally looking at Edmund clearly getting tired of his lack of confidence.
"I am trying but its such a big deal, escorting not one not two but three royals into the lower ring, I am not sure if I can do this, If I mess up-- I am too young for the consequences" he said clearly on the edge of panic
Sally slapped her hands on his cheeks "Edmund calm down you can do this I know you can" she said, Edmund seemed to calm down a bit "The whole path is being heavily guarded you and me are the last line of an extremely deep wall of defences we are most likely just going to be there for company" she looked back at the cart and said "and besides it's not like the royals can't protect themselves, they are much stronger than us after all"
"That's what they said about fre-" Edmund mumbled before putting his hand on his mouth mid sentence, Sally expression changed to that of anger.
"What did you just say?" she barked.
Edmund realising his mess up and started shaking "Um- I was talking about ---- the nice weather we are having" he said trying to pretend that this wasn't the stupidest attempt at backtracking, before Sally was going to give him a piece of her mind Mary stuck her head out and said in annoyed tone
"Hey I am not getting any younger here", Sally and Edmund looked forwards and shook the horse reins and they got moving forward
As they got to the edges of the Upper ring they reached translucent yellow barrier "We are reaching the barrier you might feel a tickle" proclaimed Sally.
As the horse crossed the barrier the barrier walls phased through the cart and it phased through Mary and Matilda there shoulder emblems glowed a four pointed star and a diamond respectfully in a yellow hue when it got to Hope and Ember the cart got to a sudden halt and they were thrown forwards Hope fell on her mother while Ember face was slapped into the barrier which was at this point halfway through the cart.
Sally opened the door "Everyone ok" she took one look at Ember and let out an annoyed sigh she dragged her hand out of the cart and asked while trying to hide her frustration "Show me your emblem"
Ember scoffed and tried to tuck back her long sleeves but she couldn't get back enough and said while crossing her arms "I can't and I am not removing my shirt".
Sally wasn't having any of it and from tip of her index made a sharp grey magic beam, she flattened Ember's sleeve and made a small cut in her right shoulder showing a yellow star rotated slightly to the left, after the cut yellow gas evaporated from it "And this is why emblems aren't covered it's common knowledge Springfield" said Sally annoyed.
"My favourite shirt! This was very unnecessary" whined Ember and before she could say anything Sally went back to her horse leaving her alone she scoffed and went back to the cart and sat next to Hope crossing her arms.
"You okay there", asked Hope concerned.
"Yeah I am fine just another lecture", said ember looking at the windows
As Hope looked out the window the lower ring didn't seem so different from home, people dressed and walked smartly roads were clean but something was off she couldn't help but notice everyone wore long sleeves even though it was a summer and it's not proper etiquette and that's something else it was surprisingly hot, She took her head out through the windows "Hello stranger" she greeted a man walking nearby he took one solid look at her and looked towards her mother and Sally who was frowning and her hands free with her emblem glowing, he didn't say anything and turned back and proceeded to speed walk away in a few seconds he ditched the subtlety and ran away, Hope was pretty disappointed and got her head into the cart
"What did I do wrong?", Hope asked.
"Girl it's either because you were too friendly it felt fake" said Ember, Hope looked down "Or they were made to feel unwelcome by misses buzzkill in the driving seat" she remarked
A loud sound of crashing wooden boxes was heard and cart went to a halt
"What was that" commented Mary
"Something that isn't boring" Hope said with excitement before leaving the cart.
"Make sure all of them stay put in the cart I will be gone for a short while" said Sally to Edmund before running to the source of the sound Hope tried to follow her but was body blocked by Edmund with his arms crossed
"Sorry I can't let you go princess, Superior's orders", he glanced to the left of him to seeing Ember touching a fancy table Infront of a café just for it to poof into a yellow cloud,
"Ow splinters" she cried, the yellow cloud fizzled reveal a wooden table barely clinging to its shape with a bunch of makeshift wooden fixes that don't even match in colour
Edmund looked like he just saw a ghost and ran towards Ember who was now transforming outdoor expensive furniture into splinter traps
"Stop touching it" said Edmund before shooting out a grey magical hands towards her subduing her, "What's your deal" he scolded annoyed.
"No what's this place deal why is everything here so fake?" snapped Ember "You hearing this Hope this place is fa-" she then stopped and asked "Aye were is Hope?"
Edmund let her go and pulled on his hair "Oh no no no no no no no" he cried
"Is everything alright where is my daughter?" asked Matilda concerned, Edmund didn't know what to say but before he could make up an explanation Mary interjected
"Oh don't worry Mati she will be ok she is probably with Sally and besides she still has this necklace I gave her so I am sure she will be just fine" Mary said with her hand on Matilda's shoulder "and we can go have some tea and chit-chat while we wait I heard that Gilbert's tea shop has actually potable tea" she suggested Matilda sighed and decided to go with what Mary said and walked towards the shop. "What about me?" asked Ember, Edmund turned towards her with anger and barked "You are staying right here!".
"Sally where are you?" called Hope as she was walking she saw a little girl wearing a cute pink dress and smooth brown hair walking alone Infront of her, she approached her and asked
"Hey do you happen to see a tall lady around here?" she tapped on her shoulder to get her attention and suddenly a cloud of yellow gas evaporated out of her Hope and the little girl coughed and as the smoke cleared the little girl was wearing a poorly knit patchwork of randoms scraps of fabric and her hair was covered in dirt she had a brown circle on the side of her shoulder, Hope froze in shock "I- I am so sorry, it was an accident" she apologised "I can go get you a new dress or--" the girl just looked at Hope her eyes glanced her wand which was in her right hand as well as her royal emblem and then she started hyperventilating and burst into tears.
Hope got on to her knees and she gently put her hands on the girl's shoulder "Calm down calm down, it's alright, It's not your fault but mine"
"P-P-pwease do-don hu-hur meeee" the girl sobbed.
"What hurt you? no no no no" Hope explained trying to figure out from where the girl got the idea
Hope hugged the girl "Here calm down see I am friendly" she soothed, the girl seemed to calm down a bit and she started sniffing
She let her go and asked "So what's your name?"
"R-R-Rosie" replied Rosie.
"Ok Rosie I am so sorry for ruining your dress, do you remember were you got it from?" she asked
"Ms Bea had guys gib it to us" Rosie said
"Misses Bea huh" she wondered out loud "Well can you tell me were misses Bea is"
"Sowwy I can't tell you misses moonnnn" Rosie was saying before she looked she wanted to cry again
"Please don't cry" Hope pleaded "You don't need to tell me where you live just wait" Hope passed her wand to her left hand and put her now free hand to her pocket and pulled out a purple wallet and she pulled out a golden note with 50 written on it she passed the note to Rosie and said "Here give this to misses Bea and tell her I am so sorry for destroying your dress also" Rosie grabbed the note and stared at it, Hope pulled some wrapped candy she got from the party "Her have some candy too" the girl put her the note in her pocket and grabbed the wrapped candy she struggled with it a bit and she then passed it back
"Open it please" Rosie asked
"Oh you can't? it's quite simple here" Hope said she gently tapped the candy her emblem glowed for a moment and the wrapping fizzed out.
Rosie put the candy in her mouth and quickly chewed and swallowed it, she then gave Hope a hug, she let go after a moment "Thank you miss, Ms Bea says Moosines are scawy but aren't scawy"
"Scary why would we be scary" Hope asked in disbelief with a smile
Rosie looked around and said "I am sowwy I need to go" she turned back and ran away and took a turn and was just out of sight.
"You couldn't just stop causing trouble for one day? what did we pay you for?" Hope heard Sally barking.
The sound of Sally's voice came from an alleyway, as Hope entered the alley the clean white paint started fading into rotting maroon bricks and the smell became foul coming from the open dumpster "Ewwwww" Hope said as she lowered the lid to try and lessen the stench
"Hey you know it's rude to close the lid on someone trying to fetch themselves a meal" a bald man barked as he popped out like a jack in the box he had a white beard wearing over shoulder strapped brown pants with a black plastic bag for a shirt and a metal can of beans for a hat and his left eye with a grey iris spinning his shoulder emblem only consisted of a simple brown circle, Hope screamed and ran away "Oh beans was that a Moonshine?" the man asked himself "Well I probably should skip town" he said to himself with a goofy smile while snapping his fingers.
Hope stopped running and started panting "Now you are lucky I am not here in head bashing duty or I would have sent you to a one way trip to the Outer ring and the monsters there could deal with you" Hope heard Sally scolding, she walked to the end of the alleyway the place beyond it was extremely different people clothes were worn out in which the holes were covered up by half baked sewn rotting fabric the road didn't exist it was simply a dirt undefined path and walls were all made of rotting bricks same as that of the alley, windows were broken and the stench of garbage filled the air, Hope saw Sally tying up a bunch of muscular men with a magic rope.
Sally glanced over and saw Hope "Princess what are you doing here?" she asked with dismay the rope holding the gangsters vanished they got up and shook of the dust and looked up and saw Hope and they all ran away in terror "Moonshine here run awway". All of a sudden all the people went indoors and the windows were sealed shut with wood and hammered with nails and just like that the place looked like a ghost town.

This is an unaccustomed spectacle. For the first time, fellow-citizens, badges of mourning shroud the columns and overhang the arches of this hall. These walls, which were consecrated, so long ago, to the cause of American liberty, which witnessed her infant struggles and rung with the shouts of her earliest victories, proclaim, now, that distinguished friends and champions of that great cause have fallen. It is right that it should be thus. The tears which flow, and the honors that are paid, when the founders of the republic die, give hope that the republic itself may be immortal. It is fit that, by public assembly and solemn observance, by anthem and by eulogy, we commemorate the services of national benefactors, extol their virtues, and render thanks to God for eminent blessings, early given and long continued, through their agency, to our favored country.
ADAMS and JEFFERSON are no more; and we are assembled, fellow-citizens, the aged, the middle-aged, and the young, by the spontaneous impulse of all, under the authority of the municipal government, with the presence of the chief magistrate of the Commonwealth, and others its official representatives, the University, and the learned societies, to bear our part in these manifestations of respect and gratitude which pervade the whole land. ADAMS and JEFFERSON are no more. On our fiftieth anniversary, the great day of national jubilee, in the very hour of public rejoicing, in the midst of echoing and reechoing voices of thanksgiving, while their own names were on all tongues, they took their flight together to the world of spirits.
If it be true that no one can safely be pronounced happy while he lives, if that event which terminates life can alone crown its honors and its glory, what felicity is here! The great epic of their lives, how happily concluded! Poetry itself has hardly terminated illustrious lives, and finished the career of earthly renown, by such a consummation. If we had the power, we could not wish to reverse this dispensation of the Divine Providence. The great objects of life were accomplished, the drama was ready to be closed. It has closed; our patriots have fallen; but so fallen, at such age, with such coincidence, on such a day, that we cannot rationally lament that the end has come, which we knew could not be long deferred.
Neither of these great men, fellow-citizens, could have died, at any time, without leaving an immense void in our American society. They have been so intimately, and ofr so long a time, blended with the history of the country, and especially so united, in our thoughts and recollections, with the events of the Revolution, that the death of either of them would have touched the chords of public sympathy. We should have felt that one great link, connecting us with former times, was broken; that we had lost something more, as it were, of the presence of the Revolution itself, and of the act of independence, and were driven on, by another great remove from the days of our country’s early distinction, to meet posterity and to mix with the future. Like the mariner, whom the currents of the ocean and the winds carry along until he sees the stars which have directed his course and lighted his pathless way descend one by one, beneath the rising horizon, we should have felt that the stream of time had borne us onward till another great luminary, whose light had cheered us and whose guidance we had followed, had sunk away from our sight.
But the concurrence of their death on the anniversary of Independence has naturally awakened stronger emotions. Both had been President, both had lived to great age, both were early patriots, and both were distinguished and ever honored by their immediate agency in the act of independence. It cannot but seem striking and extraordinary, that these two should live to see the fiftieth year from the date of that act/ that they should complete that yea and that then, on the day which had fast linked for ever their own fame with their country’s glory, the heavens should open to receive them both at once. As their lives themselves were the gifts of Providence, who is not willing to recognize in their happy termination, as well as in their long continuance, proofs that our country and its benefactors are objects of His care?
ADAMS and JEFFERSON, I have said, are no more. As human beings, indeed, they are no more. They are no more, as in 1776, bold and fearless advocates of independence; no more, as at subsequent periods, the head of the government; nor more, as we have recently seen them, aged and venerable objects of admiration and regard. They are no more. They are dead. But how little is there of the great and gooe which can die! To their country they yet live, and live for ever. They live in all that perpetuatesw the remembrance of men on earth; in the recorded proofs of their own great actions, in the offspring of their intellect, in the deep-engraved lines of public gratitude, and in the respect and homage of mankind. They live in their example; and they live, emphatically, and will live, in the influence which their lives and efforts, their principles and opinions, now exerciese, and will continue to exercise, on the affairs of men, not only in their own country but throughout the civilized world. A superior and commanding human intellect, a truly great man, when Heaven vouchsafes so rare a gift, is not a temporary flame, burning brightly for a while, and then giving place to returning darkness. It is rather a spark of fervent heat, as well as radiant light, with power to enkindle the common mass of human kind; so that when it glimmers in its own decay, and finally goes out in death, no night follows, but it leaves the world all light, all on fire from the potent contact of its own spirit. Bacon died; but the human understanding, roused by the touch of his miraculous wand to a perception of the true philosophy and the just mode of inquiring after truth, has kept on its course successfully and gloriously. Newton died; yet the courses of the spheres are still known, and they yet move on by the laws which he discovered, and in the orbits which he saw, and described for them, in the infinity of space.
No two men now live, fellow-citizen, perhaps it may be doubted whether any two men have ever lived in one age, who, more than those we now commemorate, have impressed on mankind their own opinions more deeply into the opinions of others, or given a more lasting direction to the current of human thought. Their work doth not perish with them. The tree which they assisted to plant will flourish, although they water it and protect it no longer; for it has struck its roots deep, it has sent them to the very centre; no storm, not of foce to burth the orb, can overturn it; its branches spread wide; they stretch their protecting arms braoder and broader, and its top is destined to reach the heavens. We are not deceived. There is no delusion here. No age will come in which the American Revolution will appear less than it is, one of the greatest events in human history. No age will come in which it shall cease to be seen and felt, on either continent, that a mighty step, a great advance, not only in American affairs, but in human affairs, was made on the 4th of July, 1776. And no age will come, we trust, so ignorant or so unjust as not to see and acknowledge the efficient agency of those we now honor in producing that momentous event.
We are not assembled, therefore, fellow-citizens, as men overwhelmed with calamity by the sudden disruption of the ties of friendship or affection, or as in despair for the republic by the untimely blighting of its hopes. Death has not surprised us by an unseasonable blow. We have, indeed, seen the tomb close, but it has closed only over mature years, over long-protracted public service, over the weakness of age, and over life itself only when the ends of living had been fulfilled. These suns, as they rose slowly and steadily, amidst clouds and storms, in their ascendant, so they have not rushed from the meridian to sink suddenly in the west. Like the mildness, the serenity, the continuing benignity of a summer’s day, they have gone down with slow-descending, grateful long-lingering light; and now that they are beyond the visible margin of the world, good omens cheer us from “the bright track of thier fiery car”!
There were many points of similarity in the lives and fortunes of these great men. They belonged to the same profession, and had pursued its studies and its practice for unequal lengths of time indeed, but with dilligence and effect. Both were learned and able lawyers. They were natives and inhabitants, respectively of those two of the Colonies which at the Revolution were the largest and most powerful and which naturally had a lead in the political affairs of the times. When the Colonies became in some degree united by the assembling of a general Congress, they were brought to act together in its deliberations, not indeed at the same time but both at early periods. Each had laready manifested his attachment to the cause of the country, as well as his ability to maintain it, by printed addresses, public speeches, extensive correspondence, and whatever other mode could be adopted for the purpose of exposing the encroachments of the British Parliament, and animating the people to a manly resistance. Both were not only decided, but early, friends of Independence. While others yet doubted, they were resolved; where others hesitated they pressed forward. They were both members of the committee for preparing the Declaration of Independence, and they constituted the sub-committee appointed by the other members to make the draft. They left their seats in Congress, being called to other public employments at periods not remote from each other, although one of them returned to it afterwards for a short time. Neither of them was of the assembly of great men which formed the present Constitution, and neither was at any time a member of Congress under its provisions. Both have been public ministers abroad, both Vice-Presidents and both Presidents of the United States. These coincidences are now singularly crowned and completed. They have died together; and they did on the anniversary of liberty…
And now, fellow-citizens, without pursuing the biography of these illustrious men further, for the present let us turn our attention to the most prominent act of their lives, their participation in the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE…
It has sometimes been said, as if it were a derogation from the merits of this paper, that it contains nothing new; that it only states grounds of proceeding and presses topics of argument, which had often been stated and pressed before. But it was not the object of the Declaration to produce any thing new. It was not to invent reasons for independence, but to state those which governed the Congress. For great and sufficient causes, it was proposed to declare independence; and the proper business of the paper to be drawn was to set for th those causes, and justify the authors of the measure, in any event of fortune, to mthe country and to posterity. The cause of American independence, moreover, was now to be presented to the world in such manner; of it might so be, as to engage its sympathy, to command its respect, to attract its admiration; and in an assembly of most able and distinguished men, THOMAS JEFFERSON had the high honor of being the selected advocate of this cause. To say that he performed his great work well, would be doing him an injustice. To say that he did excellently well, admirably well, would be inadequate and halting praise. Let us rather say, that he so discharged the duty assigned him, that all Americans may well rejoice that the work of drawing the title-deed of their liberties devolved upon him…
The Congress of the Revolution, fellow-citizens, sat with closed doors, and no report of its debates was ever made. The discussion, therefore, which accompanied this great measure, has never been preserved, except in memory and by tradition. But it is, I believe, doing to injustice to others to say, that the general opinion was, and uniformly has been, that in debate, on the side of independence, JOHN ADAMS had no equal. The great author of the Declaration himself has espressed that opinion uniformly and strongly. JOHN ADAMS, said he, in the hearing of him who has now the honor to address you, JOHN ADAMS was our colossus on the floor. Not graceful, not elegant, not always fluent, in his public addresses, he yet came out with a power both of thought and of expression, which moved us from our seats…
The eloquence of Mr. Adams resembled his general character, and formed, indeed, a part of it. It was bold, manly, and energetic; and such the crisis required. When public bodies are to be addressed on passions excited, nothing is valuable in speech farther than as it is connected with high intellectual and moral endowments. Clearness, force, and earnestness are the qualities which produce conviction. True eloquence, indeed, does not consist in speech. It cannot be brought from far. Labor and learning may toil for it, but they will toil in vain. It must exist in the man, in the subject, and in the occassion. Affected passion, intense expression, the pomp of declamation, all may aspire to it; they cannot reach it. It comes, if it comes at all, like the outbreaking of a fountain from the earth, or the bursting forth of volcanic fires, with spontaneous, original, native force. The graces taught in the schools, the costly ornaments and studied contrivances of speech, shock and disgust men, when their own lives and the fate of their wives, their children, and their country hang on the decision of the hour. Then words have lost their power, rhetoric is vain, and all elaborate oratory contemptible. Even genius itself then feels rebuked and subdued, as in the presence of higher qualities. Then patriotism is eloquent; then self-devotion is eloquent. The clear conception, outrunning the deductions of logic, the high purpose, the firm resolve, the dauntless spirit, speaking on the tongue, beaming from the eye, informing every feature, and urging the whole man onward, right onward to his object this, this is eloquence; or rather it is something greater and higher than all eloquence, it is action, noble, sublime godlike action…
Let us, then, bring before us the assembly, which was about to decide a question thus big with the fate of empire. Let us open their doors and look upon their deliberations. Let us survey the anxious and care-worn countenances, let us hear the firm-toned voices, of this band of patriots.
HANCOCK presides over the solemn sitting; and one of those not yet prepared to pronounce for absolute independence is on the floor, and is urging his reasons for dissenting from the declaration.
“Let us pause! This step, once taken, cannot be retracted. This resolution, once passed, will cut off all hope of reconciliation. If success attend the arms of England, we shall then be no longer Colonies, with charters and with privileges; these will all be forfeited by this act; and we shall be in the condition of other conquered people, at the mercy of the conquerors. For ourselves, we may be ready to run the hazard; but are we ready to carry the country to that length? Is success so probably as to justify it? Where is the military, where the naval power, by which we are to resist the whole strength of the arm of England, for she will exert that strength to the utmost? Can we rely on constancy and perseverance of the people? or will they not act as the people of other countries have acted and, wearied with a long war, submit, in the end, to a worse oppression? While we stand on our old ground, and insist on redress of grievances, we know we are right, and are not answerable for consequences. Nothing, then, can be imputed to us. But if we now change our object, carry our pretensions farther, and set up for absolute indpendence, we shall lose the sympathy of mankind. We shall no longer be defending what we possess, but struggling for something which we never did possess, and which we have solemnly and uniformly disclaimed all intention of pursuing, from the very outset of the troubles. Abandoning thus our old ground, of resistance only to arbitrary acts of oppression, thee nations will believe the whole to have been mere pretence, and they will look on us, not as injured, buut as ambitious subjects. I shudder before this responsibility. It will be on us, if, relinquishing the ground on which we have stood so long, and stood so safely, we now proclaim independence, and carry on the war for that object, while these cities burn, these pleasant fields whiten and bleach with the bones of their owners, and these streams run blood. It will be upon us, it will be upon us, if, failing to maintain this unseasonable and ill-judged declaration, a sterner despotism, maintained by military power, shall be exhausted, a harassed, misled people, shall have expiated our rashness and atoned for our presumption on the scaffold.”
It was for Mr. Adams to reply to arguments like these. We know his opinions, and we know his character. He would commence with his accustomed directness and earnestness.
“Sink or swim, live or die, survive or perish, I give my hand and my heart to this vote. It is true, indeed, that in the beginning we aimed not at independence. But there’s a Divinity which shapes our ends. The injustice of England has driven us to arms; and blinded to her own interest for our good, she has obstinately persisted, till independence is now within our grasp. We have but to reach forth to it, and it is ours. Why, then, should we defer the Declaration? Is any man so weak as now to hope for a reconciliation with England, which shall leave either safety to the country and its liberties, or safety to his own life and his own honor? Are not you, Sir, who sit in that chair, is not he, our venerable colleague near you, are you not both already the proscribed and predestined objects of punishment and of vengeance? Cut off from all hope of royal clemency, what are you, what can you be, while the power of England remains, but outlaws? If we postpone independence, do we mean to carry on, or to give up, the war? Do we mean to submit to the measures of Parliament, Boston Port Bill and all? Do we mean to submit, and consent that we ourselves shall be ground to poweder, and our country and its rights trodden down in the dust? I know we do not mean to submit. We shall never submit. Do we intend to violate that most solemn obligation ever entered into men, that plighting, before God, of our sacred honor to Washington, when, putting forth to incure the dangers of war, as well as the political hazards of our times, we promised to adhere to him, in ever extremity, with our fortunes and our lives? I know there is not a man here, who would not rather see a general conflagration sweep over the land, or an earthquake sink it, than one jot or tittle of that plighted fiath fall to the ground. For myself, having, twelve months ago, in this place, moved you, that George Washington be appointed commander of the forces raised, or to be raised, for defence of American liberty, may my right hand forget her cunning, and my tongue cleave to the roof of my mouth, if I hesitate or waver in the support I give him… ”
And now, fellow-citizens, let us not retire from this occasion without a deep and solemn conviction of the duties which have developed upon us. This lovely land, this glorious liberty, these benign institutions, the dear purchase of our fathers, are ours; ours to enjoy, ours to preserve, ours to transmit. Generations past and generations to come hold us responsible for this sacred trust. Our fathers, from behind, admonish us, with their anxious paternal voices; posterity calls out to us, from the bosom of the future; the world turns hither its solicitous eyes; all, conjure us to act wisely, and faithfully, in the relation which we sustain.
We can never, indeed, pay the debt which is upon us; but by virtue, by morality, by religion, by the cultivation of every good principle and every good habit, we may hope to enjoy the blessing, through our day, and to leave it unimpaired to our children. Let us feel deeply how much of what we are and of what we possess we owe to this liberty, and to these institutions of government. Nature has, indeed, given us a soil which yields bounteously to the hand of industry, the mighty and fruitful ocean is before us, and the skies over our heads shed health and vigor. But what are lands, and seas, and skies, to civilized man, without society, without knowledge, without morals, without religious culture; and how can these be enjoyed, in all their extent and all their excellence, but under the protection of wise institutions and a free government? Fellow-citizens, there is not one of us, there is not one of us here present, who does not, at this moment, and at every moment, experience, in his own condition, and in the condition of those most near and dear to him, the influence and the benefits, of this liberty and these institutions. Let us then acknowledge the blessing, let us feel it deeply and powerfully, let us cherish a strong affection for it, and resolve to maintain and perpetuate it. The blood of our fathers, let it not have been shed in vain; the great hope of posterity, let it not be blasted.
The striking attitude, too, in which we stand to the world around us, a topic to which, I fear, I advert too often, and dwell on too long, cannot be altogether ommited here. Neither individuals nor nations can perform their part well, until they understand and feel its importance, and comprehend and justly appreciate all the duties belonging to it. It is not to inflate national vanity, nor to swell a light and empty feeling of self-importance, but it is that we may judge justly of our situation, and of our own duties, that I earnestly urge you upon this consideration of our position and our character among the nations of the earth. It cannot be denied, but by those who would dispute against the sun, that with America, and in America, a new era commences in human affairs. This era is distinguised by free representative governments, by entire religious liberty, by improved systems of national intercourse, by a newly awakened and unconquerable spirit of free inquiry, and by a diffusion of knowledge through the community, such as has been before altogether unknown and unheard of America, America, our country, fellow-citizens, our own dear and native land, is inseparably connected, fast bound up, in fortune and by fate, with these great interests. If they fall, we fall with them; if they stand, it will be because we have maintained them. Let us contemplate, then, this connection, which binds the prosperity of others to our own; and let us manfully discharge all the duties which it imposes. If we cherish the virtues and the principles of our fathers, Heaven will assist us to carry on the work of human liberty and human happiness. Auspicious omens cheer us. Great examples are before us. Our own firmament now shines brightly upon our path. WASHINGTON is in the clear, upper sky. These other stars hae now joined the American Constellation; they circle round their centre, and the heavens beam with new light. Beneath this illumination let us walk the course of life, and at its close devoutly commend our beloved country, the common parent of us all, to the Divine Benignity.

• Daniel Webster, 1826

Hi! I tried writing it all out, but it was too long so I am going to try to keep bulletpoints and keep a timeline.
Junior year, 15 years old:

• Did not have friends til this point, met this one guy in class though
• first relationship, first kiss, first everything until one month later when he left me for someone else (also cheated on me)
• anxiety latched onto losing him, kept sending messages trying to get him back for two months until it was no contact for 4 months, he knows that i struggled with losing him though heavily
• I notice people he knows keeping tabs on me, I didnt realize until I sent him a message asking to get back together and one of them starts laughing at me + i think one of them took a photo in class but not sure, just suspicion

Senior Year, 16 years old;

• Our classes are close so we see each other again
• he tried to message me before the year started though but went silent afterwards and backed out
• I offered to be friends with benefits, he agreed, the first night he wanted a BJ so I did a little bit but didn't want to do anymore
• he locked in his car until I agreed to date him again
• broke up the next day with him because the anxiety of worrying if he was cheating was too much
• tried to get him back the same night, it was the last time I was emotionally intimate with anyone like that as I confessed how I missed him, how it was hard moving on, etc. and he agreed to get back together
• we hooked up and he ghosted me (hard block and everything)

Still Senior year but here is where the cycle starts

• he unblocks me and tries to get another hookup, i say no, he begs and I give in, it was just a hookup
• He does this again, begs for sex, I say no but give in
• at this point, my anxiety is kicking in hard, i block his accounts and he makes more to get to me anyways, it just becomes a chore to give in
• He calls up my phone at 3 am repeatedly, I say no but he threatens to make a scene, I give in, he is drunk and I am starting on antidepressants so I am nauseas, when I can't give him a BJ, he gets mad and berates me saying that he found "badder bitches" and telling me everything wrong with me
• When I tried to leave, he just said "leave like you always do" and I always wondered if it was his revenge for leaving the first night
• Cycle continues, I get anxiety seeing his name on the phone (like instant nausea and disassociation with my body)
• one time he threatens to knock my door down when i stood my ground and talked about reporting, saying he didn't care, deleted everything when I started taking screenshots, he just came back again the next day
• I keep going back though, mainly because he gave me validation and attention and it felt like he was the only person that saw me (at this point, no relatable friends and no family support system, he was the only person who shared my experiences)

Post Graduation 2023

• I moved to another side of town, all my friends left the state or just went silent, had to leave my job, i went to him for comfort for the first time because he was the only person I knew so i started embracing him
• we still had moments where I didn't want to but he did so I felt like I had to
• I tried dating but each time, I couldn't trust them; i was so afraid that they just wanted my body that I started treating it like that, which ended in only one night stands
• Met this new guy D that was his opposite in november, changed my usernames, we went on for three months until he left me because I had too much intimacy issues (emotional mainly) and didn't let him past my walls, so i tried to go back to the first guy
• first guy moved to cali, admitted to wanting to reach out to me (pretty sure he tried but couldn't find me anymore), we relied on communication and he would be pressing on for photos and video calls, one time he said that it'll be better next time because this time we will both want it this time, not just him
• until we had a conversation on how he really saw me
• I romantized it all as a complicated relationship, to a friendship, and I think that was just to protect myself from the truth because he admitted that he only cared about the sex with me, never beyond that. I asked if he ever felt guilty and he just said that he didnt, we were young and we didn't understand anything
• I ended it and he tried to make another account, I accepted but he didn't say anything. I think its either because there really isnt any use since he is in another state, but also maybe to see if I would take him back still.

I am still processing it. I left it behind in March. I am not sure what to make of it. Calling him an abuser feels so dirty, like I am shitting on everything that happened and every tiny detail that mattered to me. I am just confused. Some times it feels like it fits and he is a bad guy but other times, like now, I feel like I am just overreacting and it really was just us being young, which feels wierd cause half of it was barely a year ago. I don't know . I am just confused and would love insight from others.

I (18F) am graduating high school this month without any tangible friendships, and it's killing me.
My first year of high school was during COVID-19, and I spent it at a different school. I transferred to my current school during my sophomore year and struggled to put myself out there.
I began feeling overly anxious when meeting new people. I never struggled with socializing much growing up. I was always a bit shy, but it wasn't hard for me to come out of my shell. I think after spending so much time indoors, away from people, paired with my crippling confidence at the time, people wanting to be friends with me seemed bizarre in my eyes.
When I failed at socializing in my sophomore year, I just gave up and thought it would be better to be alone than embarrass myself by trying to socialize awkwardly.
My junior year went down a similar road. And in my senior year, I made a handful of acquaintances. However, I've never talked with anyone in school outside of school. I never made plans, hung out, or things like that. I have one best friend outside of school. I also have a couple of good friends that I hang out with. So, I'm not 100% isolated and alone. But I still find it surreal that out of the hundreds of people who go to my school, I can't call at least one of them a true friend.
I recognize I put myself in this position. I didn't put in the effort. I isolated myself. And now, I'm suffering the consequences. I find myself struggling with simple things like saying "Hi" to people I'm getting to know and, overall, ruin potential connections all the time. I'll ignore people out of fear of seeming too desperate or clingy. It's like I'm leaving potential friends before they get to leave me.
My mental health has taken a turn for the worse because of this. I spend most of my free time sleeping. I turn to shopping for temporary fulfillment. I daydream all day. I feel emotionally numb. I want to do so much with my time and energy, but I'm facing so many mental blockages. Sometimes, I even feel like my body won't let me move, get out of bed, get up from my desk, etc.
As I start college this fall, I am determined to make a change. Like, so unbelievably determined. I put myself through hell, and for what? To not embarrass myself once or twice? To not introduce myself a couple of times? NO 😤
I would appreciate any advice on how to get the ball rolling in terms of socializing again. What steps could I take from here? I know school hasn't started, but what can I do in advance, and what can I do when the time comes? In addition, how can I put this experience to rest? I'm ready to move on and accept it for what is was, but I don't exactly know how.
Thank you :)

Trigger warnings: Depression, Anxiety, Self-harm
I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for almost two years now. We just graduated high school, and have had an amazing, strong bond as long as we’ve known each other. Recently, my girlfriend’s best friend has been struggling a lot with her mental health, about the last year or so. I’ll call her K. My girlfriend tells me that K regularly takes her angefrustration out on her, and makes harmful comments to her on a regular basis. She also tells me when K makes comments about wanting to cut ties with everyone she knows, disappear, and sometimes hinting at self-harm. K has a therapist and has told her parents that she sometimes feels depressed, but the only one that K gives the full extent of her feelings to is my girlfriend. The burden is really starting to get to her, and it is putting a strain on our relationship because whenever we hang out she is anxious about what K is doing. We just had our last day of school and my girlfriend was crying in my arms because K left the celebration early and bailed on plans with her later that afternoon. I have tried to help, but my girlfriend says telling anyone else is betrayal to their friendship, so I can’t help at all, even though I have experience with anxiety and depression through myself and my family. I don’t know what to do. Does anyone have suggestions on what action to take from here?