Okay, y'all. My friend has been heartbroken by a guy and she doesn't know if this guy cares about her. Dear woman wants me to write this post for her instead as she is I hereby quote, "Too lazy to do anything." I'm just posting this on behalf of her. Thank you in advance.
From her point of view:
Basically, I was introduced to this guy by my closest childhood friend. We've started talking for some time and at the start, everything seemed to go swimmingly well. Conversations flowed smoothly and it was dreamlike. There seemed to be some tension there: Staring into each other eyes, the whole world got quiet, etc. The friendship was initiated by the guy and he started texting me a lot and he would call me for hours on end. After only around a week of knowing me, he started pestering me for my phone number and he was extremely persistent. I ended up giving it to him. He started texting me every single day, morning till night, no matter whether if I replied or not. He would send me updates about his life like his outfit, etc. He decided to introduce me to his close friend and that went...well. In short, it was a call with his friends and the girl, who seemed obsessed with the guy as he kept putting me down and comparing herself to me in terms of closeness to the said guy.
He started asking about me at school, like he would ask my childhood best friend about how I was, if I was okay, how I was and all those sorts of stuff. Allegedly, my childhood best friend, let's call him M, always sounded really enthusiastic when he was talking about me. "His voice softens." He initiated everything, as I was not really interested. He would always beg me to call and I ended up giving in. We started having all these late night conversations about any topic that we were into. During these calls, he would always be a little flirtatious. He would always look at me really intimately, as if I was his world. He would say things like, "I like to see your face, stop hiding your beauty." "Oh my gosh, I love talking to you. You're so enchanting." He would always be flirting about how he would be a great boyfriend and constantly asked what my type of guys was. He even had the audacity to question why I was not into him. He did many other things to seem like he genuinely cared for me. For example, he had several lessons in a day. Yes, he's a rather busy lad. However, he would always make time for me and to reply to me, even if it was a text to inform me that he was busy and not purposely ignoring me. He knew that I had trust issues, so he would even send a picture that he was busy to prove that he wasn't purposely avoiding me. Every single time he and I were online on Whatsapp, he would always text me to ensure me that he wasn't ignoring me. Lastly, he is an extremely religious guy, and he never listened to music because of that. However, ever since he met me, he started to listen to the music that I liked and replied to it in detail. He never liked texting, but he would talk to me on Whatsapp all of the time. This is extremely untypical of him, as he is an unemotional guy. In addition to that, the effort put into that should mean something?
The guy kept trying to meet me in person. Since I have extreme trust issues, I didn't want to do that. He was a guy that I met online, and I had let's just say, unpleasant experiences with guys. This was after six months of knowing me. I told him to leave and that he was creep and a pervert due to my personal defense mechanism. He then left me alone and didn't talk to me for a full day. We then talked about it and I told him that I didn't want to talk about why as it was really personal to me. He said that it was fine and I could just tell him when I felt like it.
We were fine after this for another 7 - 8 months. He just really wanted to know and that he wanted me to be honest with him. I kept yelling at him and starting unnecessary fights due to that. Childish, I know. I regret that now, but that's just what I felt and acted upon at that point of time. After all of that, he left and refused to talk to me forever.
I tried to explain to him but he just pushed me away and said that it was fine. I know, I got a taste of my own medicine. He seemed really hurt about the fact that I called him a creep and a pervert and I kept saying that I cared about him when I wasn't willing to be honest with him about why I said those hurtful words in the first place. I tried everything from calling him, to sending him texts, whether it was messages to check up on him or paragraphs explaining and apologising for treating him like garbage.
I was about to leave him and the situation alone when he started picking up my calls. He would pick them up and he would say nothing and just leave the call running. I don't know why he did that, and that confuses me thoroughly.
I regret everything. I realized that I love him deeply. What should I do? He blocked me everywhere and he won't pick up my phone. I'm thinking about showing up at his house. The whole point is not to get him back, but to explain myself. To truly apologise for hurting him. I want to know how he truly feels. Whether he loved me before, still loves me or if it was a whole joke. I sincerely regret my actions, and I want to make up for them. The what if's are burning freshly into my wounds, and I would really appreciate to know the answers.
I know that I sound absolutely horrible and maybe deranged after that paragraph. However, I would really value the opinions of the public. Maybe y'all could help me out? Thank you for your time. Have a great year ahead.
PS. Btw, I apologize for that long winding paragraph and I appreciate y'all for putting away some precious time from your day to read and perhaps, respond to it. Every response is valued, and I really appreciate them.

Okay, y'all. My friend has been heartbroken by a guy and she doesn't know if this guy cares about her. Dear woman wants me to write this post for her instead as she is I hereby quote, "Too lazy to do anything." I'm just posting this on behalf of her. Thank you in advance.
From her point of view:
Basically, I was introduced to this guy by my closest childhood friend. We've started talking for some time and at the start, everything seemed to go swimmingly well. Conversations flowed smoothly and it was dreamlike. There seemed to be some tension there: Staring into each other eyes, the whole world got quiet, etc. The friendship was initiated by the guy and he started texting me a lot and he would call me for hours on end. After only around a week of knowing me, he started pestering me for my phone number and he was extremely persistent. I ended up giving it to him. He started texting me every single day, morning till night, no matter whether if I replied or not. He would send me updates about his life like his outfit, etc. He decided to introduce me to his close friend and that went...well. In short, it was a call with his friends and the girl, who seemed obsessed with the guy as he kept putting me down and comparing herself to me in terms of closeness to the said guy.
He started asking about me at school, like he would ask my childhood best friend about how I was, if I was okay, how I was and all those sorts of stuff. Allegedly, my childhood best friend, let's call him M, always sounded really enthusiastic when he was talking about me. "His voice softens." He initiated everything, as I was not really interested. He would always beg me to call and I ended up giving in. We started having all these late night conversations about any topic that we were into. During these calls, he would always be a little flirtatious. He would always look at me really intimately, as if I was his world. He would say things like, "I like to see your face, stop hiding your beauty." "Oh my gosh, I love talking to you. You're so enchanting." He would always be flirting about how he would be a great boyfriend and constantly asked what my type of guys was. He even had the audacity to question why I was not into him. He did many other things to seem like he genuinely cared for me. For example, he had several lessons in a day. Yes, he's a rather busy lad. However, he would always make time for me and to reply to me, even if it was a text to inform me that he was busy and not purposely ignoring me. He knew that I had trust issues, so he would even send a picture that he was busy to prove that he wasn't purposely avoiding me. Every single time he and I were online on Whatsapp, he would always text me to ensure me that he wasn't ignoring me. Lastly, he is an extremely religious guy, and he never listened to music because of that. However, ever since he met me, he started to listen to the music that I liked and replied to it in detail. He never liked texting, but he would talk to me on Whatsapp all of the time. This is extremely untypical of him, as he is an unemotional guy. In addition to that, the effort put into that should mean something?
The guy kept trying to meet me in person. Since I have extreme trust issues, I didn't want to do that. He was a guy that I met online, and I had let's just say, unpleasant experiences with guys. This was after six months of knowing me. I told him to leave and that he was creep and a pervert due to my personal defense mechanism. He then left me alone and didn't talk to me for a full day. We then talked about it and I told him that I didn't want to talk about why as it was really personal to me. He said that it was fine and I could just tell him when I felt like it.
We were fine after this for another 7 - 8 months. He just really wanted to know and that he wanted me to be honest with him. I kept yelling at him and starting unnecessary fights due to that. Childish, I know. I regret that now, but that's just what I felt and acted upon at that point of time. After all of that, he left and refused to talk to me forever.
I tried to explain to him but he just pushed me away and said that it was fine. I know, I got a taste of my own medicine. He seemed really hurt about the fact that I called him a creep and a pervert and I kept saying that I cared about him when I wasn't willing to be honest with him about why I said those hurtful words in the first place. I tried everything from calling him, to sending him texts, whether it was messages to check up on him or paragraphs explaining and apologising for treating him like garbage.
I was about to leave him and the situation alone when he started picking up my calls. He would pick them up and he would say nothing and just leave the call running. I don't know why he did that, and that confuses me thoroughly.
I regret everything. I realized that I love him deeply. What should I do? He blocked me everywhere and he won't pick up my phone. I'm thinking about showing up at his house. The whole point is not to get him back, but to explain myself. To truly apologise for hurting him. I want to know how he truly feels. Whether he loved me before, still loves me or if it was a whole joke. I sincerely regret my actions, and I want to make up for them. The what if's are burning freshly into my wounds, and I would really appreciate to know the answers.
I know that I sound absolutely horrible and maybe deranged after that paragraph. However, I would really value the opinions of the public. Maybe y'all could help me out? Thank you for your time. Have a great year ahead.
PS. Btw, I apologize for that long winding paragraph and I appreciate y'all for putting away some precious time from your day to read and perhaps, respond to it. Every response is valued, and I really appreciate them.

Okay, y'all. My friend has been heartbroken by a guy and she doesn't know if this guy cares about her. Dear woman wants me to write this post for her instead as she is I hereby quote, "Too lazy to do anything." I'm just posting this on behalf of her. Thank you in advance.
From her point of view:
Basically, I was introduced to this guy by my closest childhood friend. We've started talking for some time and at the start, everything seemed to go swimmingly well. Conversations flowed smoothly and it was dreamlike. There seemed to be some tension there: Staring into each other eyes, the whole world got quiet, etc. The friendship was initiated by the guy and he started texting me a lot and he would call me for hours on end. After only around a week of knowing me, he started pestering me for my phone number and he was extremely persistent. I ended up giving it to him. He started texting me every single day, morning till night, no matter whether if I replied or not. He would send me updates about his life like his outfit, etc. He decided to introduce me to his close friend and that went...well. In short, it was a call with his friends and the girl, who seemed obsessed with the guy as he kept putting me down and comparing herself to me in terms of closeness to the said guy.
He started asking about me at school, like he would ask my childhood best friend about how I was, if I was okay, how I was and all those sorts of stuff. Allegedly, my childhood best friend, let's call him M, always sounded really enthusiastic when he was talking about me. "His voice softens." He initiated everything, as I was not really interested. He would always beg me to call and I ended up giving in. We started having all these late night conversations about any topic that we were into. During these calls, he would always be a little flirtatious. He would always look at me really intimately, as if I was his world. He would say things like, "I like to see your face, stop hiding your beauty." "Oh my gosh, I love talking to you. You're so enchanting." He would always be flirting about how he would be a great boyfriend and constantly asked what my type of guys was. He even had the audacity to question why I was not into him. He did many other things to seem like he genuinely cared for me. For example, he had several lessons in a day. Yes, he's a rather busy lad. However, he would always make time for me and to reply to me, even if it was a text to inform me that he was busy and not purposely ignoring me. He knew that I had trust issues, so he would even send a picture that he was busy to prove that he wasn't purposely avoiding me. Every single time he and I were online on Whatsapp, he would always text me to ensure me that he wasn't ignoring me. Lastly, he is an extremely religious guy, and he never listened to music because of that. However, ever since he met me, he started to listen to the music that I liked and replied to it in detail. He never liked texting, but he would talk to me on Whatsapp all of the time. This is extremely untypical of him, as he is an unemotional guy. In addition to that, the effort put into that should mean something?
The guy kept trying to meet me in person. Since I have extreme trust issues, I didn't want to do that. He was a guy that I met online, and I had let's just say, unpleasant experiences with guys. This was after six months of knowing me. I told him to leave and that he was creep and a pervert due to my personal defense mechanism. He then left me alone and didn't talk to me for a full day. We then talked about it and I told him that I didn't want to talk about why as it was really personal to me. He said that it was fine and I could just tell him when I felt like it.
We were fine after this for another 7 - 8 months. He just really wanted to know and that he wanted me to be honest with him. I kept yelling at him and starting unnecessary fights due to that. Childish, I know. I regret that now, but that's just what I felt and acted upon at that point of time. After all of that, he left and refused to talk to me forever.
I tried to explain to him but he just pushed me away and said that it was fine. I know, I got a taste of my own medicine. He seemed really hurt about the fact that I called him a creep and a pervert and I kept saying that I cared about him when I wasn't willing to be honest with him about why I said those hurtful words in the first place. I tried everything from calling him, to sending him texts, whether it was messages to check up on him or paragraphs explaining and apologising for treating him like garbage.
I was about to leave him and the situation alone when he started picking up my calls. He would pick them up and he would say nothing and just leave the call running. I don't know why he did that, and that confuses me thoroughly.
I regret everything. I realized that I love him deeply. What should I do? He blocked me everywhere and he won't pick up my phone. I'm thinking about showing up at his house. The whole point is not to get him back, but to explain myself. To truly apologise for hurting him. I want to know how he truly feels. Whether he loved me before, still loves me or if it was a whole joke. I sincerely regret my actions, and I want to make up for them. The what if's are burning freshly into my wounds, and I would really appreciate to know the answers.
I know that I sound absolutely horrible and maybe deranged after that paragraph. However, I would really value the opinions of the public. Maybe y'all could help me out? Thank you for your time. Have a great year ahead.
PS. Btw, I apologize for that long winding paragraph and I appreciate y'all for putting away some precious time from your day to read and perhaps, respond to it. Every response is valued, and I really appreciate them.

Okay, y'all. My friend has been heartbroken by a guy and she doesn't know if this guy cares about her. Dear woman wants me to write this post for her instead as she is I hereby quote, "Too lazy to do anything." I'm just posting this on behalf of her. Thank you in advance.
From her point of view:
Basically, I was introduced to this guy by my closest childhood friend. We've started talking for some time and at the start, everything seemed to go swimmingly well. Conversations flowed smoothly and it was dreamlike. There seemed to be some tension there: Staring into each other eyes, the whole world got quiet, etc. The friendship was initiated by the guy and he started texting me a lot and he would call me for hours on end. After only around a week of knowing me, he started pestering me for my phone number and he was extremely persistent. I ended up giving it to him. He started texting me every single day, morning till night, no matter whether if I replied or not. He would send me updates about his life like his outfit, etc. He decided to introduce me to his close friend and that went...well. In short, it was a call with his friends and the girl, who seemed obsessed with the guy as he kept putting me down and comparing herself to me in terms of closeness to the said guy.
He started asking about me at school, like he would ask my childhood best friend about how I was, if I was okay, how I was and all those sorts of stuff. Allegedly, my childhood best friend, let's call him M, always sounded really enthusiastic when he was talking about me. "His voice softens." He initiated everything, as I was not really interested. He would always beg me to call and I ended up giving in. We started having all these late night conversations about any topic that we were into. During these calls, he would always be a little flirtatious. He would always look at me really intimately, as if I was his world. He would say things like, "I like to see your face, stop hiding your beauty." "Oh my gosh, I love talking to you. You're so enchanting." He would always be flirting about how he would be a great boyfriend and constantly asked what my type of guys was. He even had the audacity to question why I was not into him. He did many other things to seem like he genuinely cared for me. For example, he had several lessons in a day. Yes, he's a rather busy lad. However, he would always make time for me and to reply to me, even if it was a text to inform me that he was busy and not purposely ignoring me. He knew that I had trust issues, so he would even send a picture that he was busy to prove that he wasn't purposely avoiding me. Every single time he and I were online on Whatsapp, he would always text me to ensure me that he wasn't ignoring me. Lastly, he is an extremely religious guy, and he never listened to music because of that. However, ever since he met me, he started to listen to the music that I liked and replied to it in detail. He never liked texting, but he would talk to me on Whatsapp all of the time. This is extremely untypical of him, as he is an unemotional guy. In addition to that, the effort put into that should mean something?
The guy kept trying to meet me in person. Since I have extreme trust issues, I didn't want to do that. He was a guy that I met online, and I had let's just say, unpleasant experiences with guys. This was after six months of knowing me. I told him to leave and that he was creep and a pervert due to my personal defense mechanism. He then left me alone and didn't talk to me for a full day. We then talked about it and I told him that I didn't want to talk about why as it was really personal to me. He said that it was fine and I could just tell him when I felt like it.
We were fine after this for another 7 - 8 months. He just really wanted to know and that he wanted me to be honest with him. I kept yelling at him and starting unnecessary fights due to that. Childish, I know. I regret that now, but that's just what I felt and acted upon at that point of time. After all of that, he left and refused to talk to me forever.
I tried to explain to him but he just pushed me away and said that it was fine. I know, I got a taste of my own medicine. He seemed really hurt about the fact that I called him a creep and a pervert and I kept saying that I cared about him when I wasn't willing to be honest with him about why I said those hurtful words in the first place. I tried everything from calling him, to sending him texts, whether it was messages to check up on him or paragraphs explaining and apologising for treating him like garbage.
I was about to leave him and the situation alone when he started picking up my calls. He would pick them up and he would say nothing and just leave the call running. I don't know why he did that, and that confuses me thoroughly.
I regret everything. I realized that I love him deeply. What should I do? He blocked me everywhere and he won't pick up my phone. I'm thinking about showing up at his house. The whole point is not to get him back, but to explain myself. To truly apologise for hurting him. I want to know how he truly feels. Whether he loved me before, still loves me or if it was a whole joke. I sincerely regret my actions, and I want to make up for them. The what if's are burning freshly into my wounds, and I would really appreciate to know the answers.
I know that I sound absolutely horrible and maybe deranged after that paragraph. However, I would really value the opinions of the public. Maybe y'all could help me out? Thank you for your time. Have a great year ahead.
PS. Btw, I apologize for that long winding paragraph and I appreciate y'all for putting away some precious time from your day to read and perhaps, respond to it. Every response is valued, and I really appreciate them.

Hello Everyone!
I (29f) am new to this and still trying to figure myself out. So, for context: I have struggled for a while with sexual attraction with my husband (28m) of 8yrs and this would be the cause of all of our arguments and fights. I could go on for months without doing it with him but unfortunately for me, he has a higher sex drive than I do. I wasn't sure why it felt like the spark died, we started dating when we were juniors in HS together and that's all we mostly did after school and during weekends. I still love him very deeply and I know he loves me (sorry, gross, I know). I think this might have happened after moving in with him after we got engaged when I stopped feeling the sexual attraction. So a few years ago, we have tried to add some fun stuff to make things interesting from toys, vitamin supplements, to watching p**n together since i joined a smut channel because of a few friends i had made on a dumb online mobile game. It worked for like one or two days but then I just wouldn't be excited or interested.. I just thought there might be something wrong with me until I started to Google this and saw the possibility that I could be Ace/Demi.
Anyways, I have been kind of jokingly/seriously been pushing my husband to finding a second partner for himself for a long time. And for a long time though he always said the usual mushy "no I love you and only you" crap until recently. So I brought it up with him again last Sunday and he did give it some serious thought to it but wanted to know why I have been pushing him to get a second partner for so long. I finally came out to him as being on the Ace spectrum and felt like i wasnt being fair to him for not being as sexually active as he is, and that might have gotten worse aftrr our son was born. He kind of understands (he grew up protestant) where I'm coming from in my perspective about not being as sexually active as he is. We talked for a very long time about it on Sunday and Monday night about it from how are we going to do this and what boundaries are we going to have. However, during this discussion be said that he probably won't be on board with this unless I am the one that picks the girl and would join. I did talk with one of my friends in my smut channel about it as he's Poly and would probably know more about having multiple partners. He did finally get back to me about it and said that's up to me if I'm comfortable with it because I mentioned to him that my husband's only concern is hurting me and not being able to look at him the same way. My friend told me that whatever we're both comfortable with and to just treat it as an experiment and might help with our relationship.
I still don't know how to feel about doing pretty much a threesome as I just don't find the act all that appealing (not in a negative way, just an indifferent way). It kind of sounds exciting but at the same time, I just want to make sure that hes satisfied because I feel like I haven't been fair to him at all for the past 8 years. He says that isn't true and he cares about our relationship and for me.
Please help. Thank you for taking the time to read through my babbling mess of words.
Edit:
Sorry, I should also have clarified: he isn't trying to convince me or bully to do a threesome and he isn't a bully or an abu$er. He lacks self-confidence (I know, doesn't sound convincing and very cliche) as the only person he's only ever done it with is me. He has gained quite a lot of weight (partly my fault, cooking is my love language) and doesn't think he has what it takes to rizz someone, and I'm pretty good at doing it. He cares for my overall mental health and doesn't want me to get hurt/upset/angry since my father cheated on my mom when I was a teen and have hated cheating since then. (Now I just sound like a total hypocrite, lol)
I have expressed it to him that I am way too tired to be angry over something like this now since getting worked up over something that would already be done and just no point.
If anyone should be a bully, it should probably be me since i was the one who kept pushing for this. I just feel like I haven't been very fair to him at all and have been neglecting his physical needs as his love languages are touch and words while I am the complete opposite of him (acts of service and gifts). He has been very understanding and patient with me since he knows that you can't teach someone to have a higher s*x drive than them (quote from my Poly friend).
He still will always find me attractive, which is honestly still odd to me. (8 years of marriage + 4 years of dating). I do love him, I just want to make sure his needs are met. He always tells me that I'm more than enough and is fine with it. Sure, if he pushes a few buttons here and there, it would probably get me into the mood and be fine for a few days. Then would go back to not doing it for like the next 4 weeks or so.

I'll be doing a separate post just for Season 2 of the reboot later. Anyways,

Average (C Tier)

16. Caleb (The Best First Boot) - Just a reminder that this list only takes S1 into account (in case you got used to Caleb dead last already) so of course I don't HATE this Caleb. There's nothing to hate here. While the character itself didn't really do anything, I like the role he plays in the narrative, being by far the best first boot in this show. Long gone are the days of the first elimination being some idiot nobody likes getting everybody to hate them for the sake of it! She says, planning on writing about Season 2 later
Caleb says his iconic catchphrase.
15. Axel (Totally Not An Expy) - While I'm usually not a fan of comparing characters and going "this character is basically just X mixed with Y!!", I have a hard time believing Axel wasn't made with being Neo-Eva in mind. She was angry and left second and that's it... And that did make me really curious as to what they'd do with Axel in the rematch. But that's for later.
Remember when everyone thought Axel was gonna be awesome because of this shot?
14. Nichelle (I HATE YOU JERRY!!!) - This might come off as a surprise, but I don't actually dislike Nichelle. She had an interesting concept (famous teen actress going to TD for exposure) with a neat execution (got "exposed" as a fraud on TV, disappointing her fans and leaving determined to improve herself). It was clear she wasn't meant to be "complete" in Season 1, and was just being set up for a bigger story in S2, and there's nothing really wrong with that! We'll see how that went later.
Nichelle hates 1/2 of the Tennis Rivals, for some reason.

Good (B Tier)

13. Priya (Abusive Parents) - Surprised to see the winner of the season this low? Don't get me wrong, this IS the 'Good' tier, so I do like Priya, she's just not really my type of character. I think all comparisons to Zoey and Sky are incredibly silly and a bit dumb, the only thing they have in common is being athletic, and Priya actually has a personality. Yes, it was clear from the start that she was created with being the winner in mind, but that's not necessarily a bad thing, with Priya having an unique concept (raised by TD fans) and fun interactions and dynamics with the other characters, making her obvious win be satisfying nonetheless (take NOTES, Sky). And even after everything, there is still a good setup for things she could do in the rematch, such as addressing her home life and the way she was raised. Boy, I sure hope that happens!
Just wanted to say Priya looks really cute with messy hair.
12./11. Wayne & Raj (Thing 1 & Thing 2) - After Katie & Sadie and Amy & Sammy, I didn't expect to see a 'duo character' I'd actually like. I always knew they wouldn't be the gay couple like most people expected, as it would've been a boring approach, but I did suspect ONE of them would be part of it. And I was right, Raj having a self-discovery moment during the show was very sweet, and so was Wayne being a supportive ally to his bestie, it's a really great message to send to the kids who watch the show (and part of why I don't really like gay Wayne headcanons, it takes away the impact of him being 100% supportive of his best friend despite not being queer himself). Small complaints though, I think it would've been nice if we got to know Raj's thoughts on his coming out instead of just Wayne's, and the 'package deal' characters being eliminated together isn't really my cup of tea either. I don't mind it that much though, because surely Season 2 will separate them and have them be apart from each other for a few episodes, right? ...R-Right?
First and last time we see the Hockey Bros acting mean.

Great (A Tier)

10. MK (Parody Of Annoying Celebrity, Somehow Good) - If you know me, or at least have seen my profile picture, then this placement is probably a surprise. S1 MK is probably one of the most unique concepts this show has had.A thief who takes her castmates' belongings? Fun. Hacking the confessional camera to watch everyone's confessionals? Interesting. Intentionally floating to fly under the radar? Very interesting. Annoying snarker? Yes please. Overall? Great combo. She's only really "low" on this list because she left before being able to put, well, any of her plans in practice. Fortunately, there's still season 2, where we'll see a lot more of her unique strategy and villainy, for sure!!!!
MK: \"I can't wait to be seen as nothing but shipping fodder by the fans next season!\"
9. Damien (Best Design, Hands Down) - And the winner of most unique character concept goes to... Yeah, him. Some guy who's never seen Total Drama and doesn't know what he signed up for? You're crazy if you don't think that's one of the most fun ideas for a new character you've seen. He used a concept other characters failed at (being the token normal/straight man) and made it work! Damien (in season 1) is probably the closest this show has ever had to just having a real person: Being flabbergasted at the insanity that happens in cartoon-land that other characters don't react to, without being played as the "haha token coward afraid of everything", which is something not usually done (...We'll get to season 2 later.). His early exit was sad, but made sense, this wasn't meant to be his season. We all know he was being given an easy, impossible to mess up, set-up for a bigger role in the rematch! There is no way to do this wrong!
Damien: \"Oh well, at least I'll totally have a good arc next season, right?\"
8. Julia (wth is a buttknuckle) - "omg what!! why is queen slay girlboss Julia not in top3 you know shes perfect slay gaslight gatekeep girlb-" Shut up. God. Very annoying fanbase aside, S1 Julia was a fun twist antagonist. The 'good vibes, vegan crystal girlie' instagram influencer being a sour, evil douchebag behind the scenes? Great bit, we all know most of them are like this in real life. Her villainy is criticized by some people for being "too Heather-like", which I disagree with. Sure, her constant immunity wins may seem like heavy plot armor, but unlike Island Heather, others weren't constantly dumbed down to make it work, most of her wins weren't due to dumb luck, (like Heather in Search and Do Not Destroy) and most importantly, Julia was full of flaws. She was a challenge beast, yes, but the constant immunities were the only things she had, for the show goes on its way to show her game otherwise is horrible. Her social game is atrocious, due to being unnecessarily rude to everyone, she had no alliances (and when she did they didn't last a day) and most of her attempts to scheme backfired. Remember when she tried to make Emma vote for Chase and that somehow resulted in them getting back together? Like, wow, making Emma want to vote for Chase is NOT a hard task, girlie, come on. Julia's flaws keep her character grounded and make her stand out from other villains. God, can you imagine if she was like Heather, and everyone got dumbed down to make her look more competent and cause stupid eliminations? That would suck! Not like that'd ever happen though, haha.
Julia telling her fanbase to attack anyone who criticizes her character.
7. Emma (Cringe Girl /affectionate) - God, she's so cringe (/pos). When I saw her face in Chase's intro, I knew there was going to be juicy drama and I'd live for it, but I was not expecting THAT trainwreck. I don't even know how to proceed with this paragraph properly without just calling her cute or stupid (affectionate) and calling it a day. I can't imagine the writers didn't have fun writing her and her extreme emotions; There's a lot of characters the fandom labeled as being "neurodivergent-coded", and while I see the vision with most of them, I think people overlook Emma as one (or maybe I'm just projecting onto her, whatever).While I don't like Chemma as a ship, I can't deny that they have a great dynamic, though it's funnier when it's Emma hating Chase while he tries to win her back, so Chemma getting back together at the end was a bit of a letdown. I do hope season 2 gives us more Chase and Emma individually without both of them being attached to each other though (clueless).
Emma laughs at someone being horribly hurt (cutely).
6. Millie (WOAH! GOOD WRITING!? IN MY TOTAL DRAMA!?) - Now, I know what some of you are probably thinking; "Millie is a horrible character she floated!!" "She foated and had to be carried by Priya!!" "She's a horrible friend she wrote mean things about Priya!!" Shut up shut up shut up. Millie haters, you guys are weak and aren't surviving the winter. Anyways, Millie makes me extremely happy, she has what I consider to be one of the best cases of character development in TD: First arriving with the intent of writing a thesis about how Gen Z is really stupid, befriending someone for the first time, growing to regret ever writing bad things about the others, and then being confronted about it and having to work to patch up her friendship with Priya? Total Drama hasn't had an arc this good in ages, and people think Millie is a bad character? I'm sorry, do you miss Skave or something? I totally understand not liking Millie due to finding her boring or uninteresting,those are valid reasons, but if you dislike Millie because you think she's a "bad person" who "didn't deserve being forgiven" (the amount of people I've seen say this is concerning), then I'm sorry, but I think you're stupid.
When you hate on Millie this is who you're hating btw

Fantastic (S Tier)

5. Scary "Lauren" Girl (I don't care if she's one-note stfu) - Scary Girl is a character I've noticed to be pretty divisive. The people who love her do so because they think she's pretty funny, and the people who hate her think she's a one-note gimmick. I'm the former, obviously, I see a lot of people complain that they find Scary Girl to be "overrated", (1. Not a valid reason to dislike a character 2. She literally isn't. Stop throwing that word around, it's already losing it's meaning) and while I do understand why people wouldn't like her, because yeah she does only have 1 joke, I think that one joke is really funny and consistently lands. Also I'd just like to point out that a lot of comic relief characters aren't very varied in terms of humor either but I don't think the fandom is ready to accept that yet. The hockey bros also only have 1 joke and it's less funny than Lauren's Oops, who said that? Wasn't me! Must've been the wind!
She's literally just a girl why are people afraid of her /j
4. Ripper (do you think Ripper has a fursona? no? just me? okay then) - Ripper in S tier?! I know, scandalous! "But you're not supposed to like Ripper he's a mean bully who farts and is gross he's like Owen!!" Shut up, NERD. Anyway, I'm not really fond of toilet humor, but Ripper made up for it by having a lot of hilarious jokes outside of farting (something people will insist is his entire character) and he has some depth that could use some more exploring, such has his home life and his relationship with his parents. Pretty much every dynamic he had with other characters, even if short, were bangers, proving that his character is super versatile. Chase, Zee, Priya, Millie, Axel, Damien... He just works with anyone. Him, Bowie and Millie are the three characters I believe you can pair up with literally anyone, and you can squeeze a good dynamic out of it.
Ripper knows we love him, because he's based.
3. Zee (I don't have a joke for this one bear with me) - I don't have much to say about him like everyone else, because Zee is a simple character. He's really funny, and that's it, and it just works. Dude's hysterical and that's why I love him. Yeah
Birds don't like Zee because birds are stupid.
2. Chase (Horrible Person, Hilarious Character) - Another probably controversial take, and I just know a certain someone on this sub will be very happy with this placement. Chase is, in my eyes, the best comic relief in this show, part of it is because of how unique and specific the joke with him is. We have a million "comically stupid" characters at this point, and we (or I) still love them regardless, but having a comedic character with a different brand of humor makes them stand out more. Chase is so unapologetically a jerk, and that's what makes him so funny to me. He's not a complete idiot like Tyler, Max, Raj, Wayne, Zee and Ripper are, in fact, in s1 he shows a lot of intelligence and common sense for a comic relief character, it's just that he's such a self-centered douchebag that he doesn't see anything wrong with his actions while everyone else recognizes him as a horrible individual, and that makes him so unique in the sea of "idiot men" characters that is TD. Episode 10 was one of the best episodes in the whole series, and the biggest contributors to that? Come on, you know it's him and Emma. They are everything, they are the moment.
\"Chase how many people did you run over that day?\" Chase:
1. Bowie (Drama King and Queen) - When I first saw his design in the promo, I admit I was very afraid? Not because I didn't think a stereotypically gay character could work, but because this is Total Drama. I was afraid they'd mess up and accidentally make the most offensive shit ever like the last few times they tackled minorities (cough cough Mike). When I first watched the season? All worries left my body in an instant. My God? STRATEGY?! IN TOTAL DRAMA? That isn't just an evil villain manipulating everyone using plot armor??? It was a BLESSING to see, even if I was a little upset he got villanized by the end of the season, it does show that TD will always portray ambition to win as inherently evil and something that needs to be punished (and it certainly doesn't make me very excited for future seasons' villains). For what it's worth, I enjoyed watching an actual strategist character onscreen that was neither fully evil or a moron the writers wanted to believe you to be smart, that makes Bowie the first ever. Also the queer rep? Really awesome. I loved his relationship with Raj, and how healthy it was compared to other TD relationships, and I love how it shows a "villain"/strategy focused player can be a good person/partner. It felt so surreal (in a good way) watching a TD character that wears gender non-conforming clothes and has a very flamboyant and sassy personality. Bowie also has some of the best quotes in the season ("MEEE!" and "Oh my, did I do that? Yes I diiiiid! I'm going to be a MILLIONAAAAAAAIRE!" are some of the best ones)
\"Lift a log if you're the best character in the series\" Bowie:
Final S1 list:
This list looks so positive, right? Well, if you want negativity be sure to look forward to the season 2 post.
Final Thoughts: Overall, excellent cast! the only characters below B tier are the first three boots. A great and colorful cast in a good season filled with great writing, and there's even a second season after it? This is a recipe for success, surely the second season will be as great as the first one, if not better, right? Right?
... Yeah who am I kidding. See you guys next post, when I cover this same cast in THAT OTHER season.

Apologies for the wall of text. This is half venting, half desperately seeking other opinions on what is happening because I feel so confused.
My partner and I have been together for almost 6 years. Around year 2 we started having very explosive arguments that haven’t really gotten any better despite our best efforts. While the issues that cause the fight eventually get resolved, our communication never seems to truly improve. Sometimes it gets better, but almost always reverts back to its worst. Over the last 2 years I have been starting to feel that there are very clear signs of abusive and manipulative behavior that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. I started reading the book “Why does he do that?” By Lundy Bancroft, and it has finally put words to some of the ways I have felt mistreated throughout our relationship. The book is almost 20 years old and can be a bit dated at time, so I take everything with a grain of salt and have been doing independent research about things I felt were applicable to me.
My partner, let’s call him Max, is for the most part a loving, caring and highly sensitive person. He checks in on me all the time and is so in tune with my emotions that it amazes me. He has always made me feel cared for and is the least judgmental person I know. When we are not fighting, he really is a wonderful & generous partner and we go through long stretches 2-3 months where things are great. I know this sounds like the cliché reddit post where the OP is like my relationship is PERFECT and then goes onto describe a very far from perfect relationship (& maybe this is my wakeup call that that I'm being that person right now). But really, outside of arguments, we have a great, & still imperfect, relationship filled with so much love.
Over time we have gotten much better at bringing up things that are bothering us in healthy & fruitful ways (we are both ex-people-pleasers so we struggle with voicing displeasure). However, conflict has ensued we face the same issues. When he gets angry he becomes a completely different person. At times it takes a lot for him to get angry- especially at times when we are having an argument where there is seemingly no resolution and we are both emotionally exhausted, and probably should have taken a break a while ago. More often though, the anger comes out very quickly, and seemingly out of left field. Often times it is the tone I use, or how I communicate that causes the initial conflict. What is confusing for me is that his perception of how I said something feels so far from mine. This happens often enough to where I feel like I am walking on eggshells, to the point where I usually monitor my tone and how express things pretty closely. I also have autism & ADHD (what a fun pairing), so my words & tone are often misinterpreted. In general I try to be careful about how I speak to others & even more so with especially Max. Max is neurotypical, so at times it feels like we are speaking different languages- I try to be intentional with how I speak in our conversations so that we can both feel understood. I want to mention that I also have my own triggers, trauma and unhealthy ways of communicating, and I know that I am equally at fault for the initial lapses in our communication. I usually have no objection to the original conflict, what worries me is how the original conflict is then seemingly used as a reason by Max to lash out in anger. The argument that happened recently opened my eyes to some of these things. Here's a brief synopsis:
We were unloading groceries and I was simultaneously reorganizing the fridge. Max started moving things around in the fridge looking for something, not knowing that I was currently reorganizing. Here is the conversation that ensued (almost word for word, I know tone is hard to interpret from text, so I will try me best to explain):
Me: “Aw, I just reorganized that shelf.” Max: “Don’t speak to me that way.” (abrupt) Me: “Speak to you in what way? I’m just want you to not move around stuff in the fridge because I'm organizing it.” Max: “why are you so emotionally charged right now?” Me (slightly confused and feeling cornered): “I’m not emotionally charged. Try to speak to your own experience, what are you feeling?”
This set him off. I could have said it nicer or more empathetic- but at this point I was already registering conflict on the horizon and feeling anxious. I asked him again to talk about his experience and how what I did made him feel. This is something we have discussed with our couples therapist about not assuming the other persons emotional state and rather keeping it in the “I feel (blank) when you do (blank)” structure- which can be annoying but it does help reframe how my actions affected him.
He couldn’t answer this question, so I then asked, “what tone in my voice did you perceive?” He then said that I should know the tone and know that it is unacceptable. At this point, I think he thought I was playing dumb which made him angrier, but truth be told I was unsure of why my tone or request had angered him, the reaction felt out of place. I thought my delivery was even keeled, albeit I would have improved the delivery or maybe just not said anything at all if I could go back in time.
I could see that he was hurt but I was also feeling confused and annoyed because I felt as though he was taking his anger out on me. It was hard for me to be the most comforting and empathetic person, though I was still trying to redirect the conversation in order to better understand what was happening for him. The first segment of the argument ended pretty abruptly after that, with him yelling, hitting a wall and then kicking an empty box across the living room and locking himself in the bathroom. I followed in an attempt to comfort him. He let me in and I held his hands and asked him to tell me what was going on, knowing that he was really struggling & feeling empathy for that. He was able to then talk about why the experience was triggering for him and how the tone and delivery reminded him of his mom (who he has some trauma with because she was extremely anxious, uptight and demanding of him in his childhood). Once he said this I broke down crying.
Now, an interlude for some important context. Max's biggest "theme" in our conflicts is that he often struggles to feel understood by me. We have had extensive conversations about how I can work on making him feel understood through mirroring, and other specific communication exercises. I try to put these into play, though I do struggle because his style of communicating can feel very unnatural and even ingenuine to me- it feels like I am reading from a script. In the last year, when I am expected to respond, I get immense anxiety that is attributed to a pressure to preform. I start to feel that if I am not able to show understanding in the way that he expects, the argument (& his anger with me) will get worse & I am the one to blame. There is anxiety tangled up in the idea of failing him & failing myself, then frustration with myself for not being able to do something that should be simple, and then even MORE frustration because now I feel like a selfish bitch for making everything about me when it was suppose to be about Max. This all becomes debilitating at times. Resulting in intense anxiety attacks or waves of feeling so overwhelmed I can't speak. This is what happened in that moment.
Max saw this was happening & immediately switched gears. He told me it was okay, and that he didn't need understanding in that moment. He comforted me and I felt seen and loved & also felt pretty terrible that the attention had shifted to me. I told him I felt guilty about this & he reassured me it was okay. Speaking from a place of insecurity and fear, I told him that I was scared that my inability to show understanding in this moment would be held over my head or weaponized against me in a later argument. There have been several times where I have shared a vulnerable feeling with him and it has been used against me in moments of anger, so the fear comes form a real place. Again he reassured me that wouldn't happen. We took a break and sat down to talk about it later that day.
This was the start of a 3 day long discussion and several arguments. I don’t need to summarize everything but in those days here are the things that struck me as definitely NOT okay & possibly abusive:

• Assuming/ telling me what my emotional state is (i.e. "you're clearly frustrated"). Then I try to explain that I am do not like bring told what I'm feeling, Max uses phrases like "why are you so emotionally charged?", "why are you arguing with me" & why are you so defensive?" constantly. It's a catch-22, he decides that his perception of me is truth, and when I try to clarify, I am told I am defensive. There is no correct answer to that question that doesn't make me look more defensive. It makes me feel like he has no interest on what I am actually feeling.
  
• If I specify something he is doing that I don't like, he makes sure to police everything I say in order to prove that I do the same thing. The conversation then becomes focused on what I am doing and saying wrong. In a later conversation, I mentioned the point above. He said it made complete sense to him. For the remainder of the conversation, anytime I made an assumption, not about his feelings but about ANYTHING. For example, I was explaining how when he hits walls it is scares me. As an example I referenced Bancroft's book & said that hitting walls would objectively be considered an "act of violence" (which I realize objective may not have been the best word to use here). In response to this he said that assuming that hitting is objectively (verifiable information based on facts and evidence) an act of violence is incorrect. Then tried to find examples where hitting is NOT an act of violence (the one he brought up was if it was for a play/acting). This continued, anytime o brought up a feeling, he would correct all the assumptions I was making & not once did he address my feelings after that. It felt like a way to deflect and avoid accountability.
  
• Interrupting constantly until I stop talking completely. Once he hits a certain threshold of anger, the tactics to end the conversation, regain control and/or anger me become similar to those in the schoolyard when we were kids. This one is pretty simple- if I try to say ANYTHING, at the mere sound of my voice he will keep interrupting me by yelling the same phrase (common phrases include "I don't care", "sucks to be interrupted huh?", "shut up"). This one happens a lot and is often times how an argument ends.
  
• Hitting things. Hitting walls, surfaces, kicking boxes around. I never thought he he did this to scare or physically intimidate me. However it does scare me & I have shared this with him. His continuation of this action tells me one of two things: either he just doesn't care or he actually is trying to scare me.
  
• Weaponizing personal or vulnerable things I have shared with him. Remember how he said he wouldn't weaponize what I had told him earlier about my fears? Well, he did. When I things started heading south he made a comment about how "Not that long ago you we're sobbing to me in the bathroom about how much you 'cared about making sure I felt understood' (said in a mocking impression of my crying voice) and now you're-" I cut him off at that point and called him an asshole (not my best moment) for doing the one thing he reassured me he wouldn't do. He tried to retract what he was saying and defend it, but I stopped him because I knew in my gut what he actually wanted to say would cut too deep for me.
  
• In conjunction with this, he also says incredibly hurtful things. In our last argument he flat out said he didn't love me. In the past he has told me I am unreliable and irresponsible, using things I struggle with heavily due to ADHD (such as answering phone calls, being places on times) as fodder for why I am not a good partner. ADHD is NEVER an excuse and I have worked so hard to overcome the less-than-ideal aspects of my executive dysfunction. Nonetheless, these items are soft spots for me that I have shared with him. He has also said that I am egocentric & way too emotional because I cry when I am overwhelmed (I do cry easily, whether it's because I am overwhelmed, sad or even joyful- crying is good for the soul!). He says things that are usually a direct attack on my character & they are always specific to things that I have mentioned are really deep insecurities of mine. It feels specific enough to where I have started to suspect he says these things to tear down my confidence and make me feel undeserving of respect and fair treatment.
  
• Later mocked me by referring to himself as "physically abusive" because I am so afraid of him "hitting" things. Dramatic use of air quotes were used for both of those words.
  

The list continues but I think this is a fair snippet of actions that could potentially be seen as manipulative or abusive. I am confused on whether or not he is ACTUALLY abusive or if I am just making something out what are merely just unfavorable communication tactics.
My therapist has mentioned that Max seem to have narcissistic traits (which I don't really believe) and abusive tendencies. She has shown real fear for my situation and has actually advised me to not say and share certain details of my life with him out of worry for me. This is part of the reason I stopped seeing here, because I felt her assessment was a bit unfair since she had never spoken with him.
I have stopped talking to almost all my friends about my issues with Max because a majority have shown strong displeasure with his actions & I often times feel like they pity me. Max also stated that he felt like my friends didn't like him, he has hinted that this may because I tell them a biased retelling of our arguments. No matter what a story will always be biased, so I opted to stop sharing with my friends and encourage Max to hang out with us more as a group. I think a lot of my friends like him more now, but I can't help but feeling isolated because I don't have many people to talk to this about.
My one friend who I really felt comfortable with sharing these issues with has even recently advised me that based on a recent argument that maybe it's time to move on.
Our couples therapist (who we have been seeing for 1.5 years) is great in most regards, but I don't feel like he has taken my concerns as seriously as I want them to be taken. He has told me separately that he does not believe Max is abusive.
I have laid out all of these actions to my couple's therapist & to Max on several different occasions, and I am feeling defeated. When Max isn't angry we make so much progress & I even feel like he is less quick to get angry. But once the anger starts all the healing and work we've done just doesn't seem to matter. In those moments it's hard to tell if he even sees me as a person- I feel more like an obstacle that he needs to defeat, or a scapegoat for his negative emotions.
Are these the warnings signs of an abusive relationship? Is the abuse already happening? Are we in a toxic relationship where neither of us can break the cycle? I'm not don't need any definitive answers, but would really appreciate any feedback I can get.

At first I wanna clarify that English is not my first language so I apologise if there are any mistakes. Also this story is kind long so thank you if decide to read it.
Me (16f) and my "best friend" (also 16f) have known each other for 6 years. Let's call her Maya. So Maya and I met when she moved into my neighbourhood. We quickly became friends. I ended our friendship once before but we became friends again after a while. After she ended her frienship with her ex best friend we started to talk more than before. We were in different classes but still were friends. I'm the type of person who doesn't like dramas etc. Maya however, I feel like she's living for them. She got into arguments with girls from my class because of what the last weeks of school were not the best for me. I don't wanna get into detalis with this one but just know that both sides weren't angels. What made me question our frienship was what happend lately. It made me realise how toxic and narcissistic she is. So me and Maya are in the same high school right now and went lately on a school exchange program. We had a room with two different girls - let's call them Sarah and Ginny. Me and Sarah were friends in the kindergarten and after this we haven't seen each other for 8 years. Now we are in the same class. Ginny and I have English together. So I'm kind of their mututal friend. So we arrived there on Monday. And at first everything seemed to be great, our room was great, the scenery around the hotel was just beautiful. We took photos etc. Then we had a meeting with people from the other country. They were really great. Maya however kept having really bad attitude with me, not matter what I did or said she just had to say something rude back. She rolled her eyes at me several times too. She was really rude and kept making those jokes that made me feel sad and uncomfortable. I shrugged it off tho. On Tuesday however she became even more rude and kept ruining my mood. Around 7pm Sarah and Maya wanted to go for a run. At this point I need to say that I don't run too often and feel uncomfortable about my posture while running so I wasn't really liking the idea. Our teacher knocked and walked into our rooms and told us that behind the hotel there was a good place to run, away from everyone etc. Sarah said that she wants to go there and I thought that since it's away from everyone I might as well try and test my condition. That's when Maya snapped at me. Our teacher was already gone from our room and Maya was literally yelling at me. She wasn't just screaming, literally yelling. She didn't even let me say a word. When I finally managed to say something I asked her (as calmly as I could) if she's gonna let me say something and she yelled back "no". I then said that in that case I'm not gonna continue this "conversation". After this I left the room and called my mum who was basically the only person I could talk to at that moment. I told her all that what happend and she was really mad, I tried to recall what I could possibly do to make Maya so pissed but couldn't. While yelling at me I didn't understand too much of what she was saying but I caught something about Sarah. My mum said that she was jealous which was ridiculous cuz I was talking with Maya all the time. I also wanna add that I hate when people raise their voices at me and everyone who knows me know about it. Which made even more sad. I won't hide the fact that I cried on a phone with my mum for at least half and hour. She said something and i realised that she was right. She said that Maya is very controlling and always wants things to go her way. She said a lot things but long story short she adviced me to talk to Sarah and Ginny about it and don't care about Maya. After this I came back, fixed myself in a bathroom's mirror that was in a corridor. But Maya had a key to our room so I just sat on a chair in front and waited for honestly I don't even know what. I then checked my phone which I had on mute and saw so many messages and missed calls. From all 3 of them. Maya texted me I quote "I'm sorry I know you didn't want me to feel this way" I was speechless, it was all about her again. It always is. We always go where she wants to go. We always do what she wants to do. And then this text. I was even more hurt. Idk if I was right to feel even more hurt or not. Anyway she and others who were on this trip with us walked into the corridor, she hugged me and said a blant sorry. I felt disgusted by her touch. Idk of I was overreacting or not but that's how I felt. She then gave me a key and asked of I wanna go play some games with her and others. I declined, I didn't feel like going, I opened the room and my mums words hit me. When I think about it now, wish I stayed in this room. But I didn't, i left and went to the room where was Maya and the others, we played some games and it was kinda fun. But definitely not the people I would normally wanna hung out with. After we left she said, I quote "you again came only after Sarah called you" after this she run into the bathroom and slammed the door. I run after her (which i want yall to remember) but realised that it's no use. I was really confused of what she was saying because i didn't even pay attention to who was calling me. After this i called my mum again and she told me to talk to Sarah (and Ginny too, but my mum knows Sarah more) and so i did. Or at least what I tried to do. She was dancing with other in front of our hotel. I came up to her and asked if we can talk after she stops dancing. She said "of course" and invited me to dance with them but i didn't feel like it. I sat on the curb and patiently waited while quietly sobbing. A few minutes later a girl came up to me and asked if i would dance with her (my group wanted to teach the other a really popular dance in my country) cuz she didn't have a partner. I don't know why but i said yes. I guess i wanted to clear my head a little. While we were dancing i noticed Maya walking around, clearly wanting too be noticed. I didn't know what to do but I kept dancing. After this i didn't see Maya anywhere. I managed to talk to Sarah a little (a little because other kept walking around us and talking to us) and she really didn't like Maya's behaviour. She said that we can talk in the morning before breakfast (cuz we will have more time) and i agreed. We came back to our room at around 10pm. Maya was in her bed, scrolling on her phone, I was really nervous at this moment. After we walked in, it was so quiet. I never heard silence quite this loud. Sarah decided to take a shower and i honestly didn't want her to go. Ginny was also in her bed but she's more of the watching-the-chaos kinda person. I sat on my bed and that's when Maya spoke. She said "i understand that you don't have much to say, do you" I then told her that we should talk the next day, with clear minds. She snorted. I must admit that i don't remember everything from this conversation. What do remember is how she kept atacking me fe. She said that I'm begging for attention (when i literally hate attention) and said that if not for her i wouldn't meet anyone from the other country. She then started crying and accused me of putting others above her because danced with this girl instead of going after her and because apparently i talk to everyone but her (which is literally a lie) I sat next to her and started to shrug her back. I didn't wanna touch her but i really didn't know what to do. That's when Sarah left the bathroom and sat on her bed. I tried to express my feelings and say what I don't like (i tried to be as calm as possible even tho i was shaking inside becasue i hate arguments and have problem with expresing feelings). She kept interputing me, yelling at me and made the things I said look like they are worthless or used them to make me the villain. We eventually "made up" but I wasn't really satisfied with it. I suddenly started to remember all the things in the past that i shrugged of, for example when she body shamed one of my classmates that she had drama with, or when she was mad that i talk to her. Or even when she got mad that I didn't wanna go where she wanted. It all hit me. I couldn't sleep that night because I had too much thoughts. There was a lot of situations in the next days but I will save you the details. However there are some situations I wanna share. For example when she got mad at me that I didn't work with her (after she literally chosed to be partners with someone else) to the point that even girls that don't speak our language knew that somethings up with us. Or when she made me, Sarah and Ginny feel guilty because we didn't wanna go where she wanted when we were in a city. (She wanted to go shopping while the rest of us wanted to go eat something downtown etc). The is a lot of more but It's too much to write. At this trip I decided that I no longer want to continue this friendship, but the thing is that we already have plans together. For example we are going to the same concert of our favorite artist together (I literally have her ticket and our sits and next to each other) or (possibly but its not 100% sure) we are going on the same school trip together. I know that it might sound pathetic but I really don't know what to do. I don't wanna complicate things before the concert. But also ending it after seems a little selfish (that's what one of my friends said). But let's be honest, there is never a good time to end a friendship or relationship. Have any of you ever read the perks of being a wallflower? I'm starting to kinda understand Craig now. I'm not talking about him cheating but about his problems with ending the relationship cuz there is never a good moment. What I know is that I feel really drained and my energy dissappears the moment i see her. I also don't wanna be her "best friend" anymore but I also feel like I'm selfish. So what do you yall think? Was I in the wrong? Am I selfish? Please be honest

Woof! Woof!
Hey Diamond Dogs. I hope everyone is doing well or at least better. I really do. And I also want to thank everyone who reads this in advance.
Recently, I’ve been surprised by a lot of friends about their struggles in life; you really can’t tell what people are going through. That’s why sometimes complaining about my own life seems embarrassing to me when I know other people going through far worse. Even making this post seems silly to me because I often wonder why would a higher being (if there is one) listen to my problems when they pale in comparison to really sinister things. But I’ve been struggling for a really long time now. I matter too. And as human, I too just want someone to hear me, see me.
In the last two years, I have been dealing with a recurrent health issue that was purely out of bad luck. Basically a doctor messed up. I am a massive hypochondriac with clinical anxiety, so that was the worst thing that could have happened to me. I made sure to go to a good doctor, research, ask all the right questions, but despite all that, something bad still happened. It’s not life threatening, not really hurtful to my health, and thankfully I have found a solution to it now and will soon hopefully have this all behind me, but the whole ordeal caused me a lot of mental and severe physical pain in the last two years—and the trauma from it all will probably always linger.
There is something so tiring about recurrent problems. It’s like you’re in a never-ending hellish loop. It’s the same thing over and over and it really gets to you.
But that hellish loop isn’t what made me want to write this post. It was ironically the hope in between it all that did. It was hope that seemingly came out of no where and then left as quickly as it appeared. In Ted Lasso, they talked about “it’s the hope that kills,” which Ted said is the lack of it that actually does. And while I agree with him, I’ve come to realize that false hope is a different kind of cruel especially to someone who desperately needed it. It’s a kind of cruel that sucks the life out of you.
I want to preface what I’m about to say by saying that I truly do have wonderful people in my life. I have a very active, sincere, and long-term, social circle. I’m also active in a lot of activities. But there are things that you just have to deal with on your own because really, everyone is dealing with something. Beyond the occasional phone calls and meetups, you’re truly on your own most of the time—at least I am.
So when I met someone I connected with, it got me really excited. This person just really clicked with me and gave my very troubled inner child the validation it desperately longed for, well, up until they just stopped. They literally came out of nowhere and then just left. They just stopped reaching out. Stopped talking. And I couldn’t understand why. We’re in good terms though. We’re polite and friendly but very formal now and it’s evident that whatever connection there was, is no longer there.
I hate to admit it but I really did like this person. I don’t even think in a romantic way although my brain sure confuses it that way. But I really just liked them as a person. I liked talking to them. That’s it. And somehow for whatever reason, they lost interest. It’s like they got to know me and then decided they don’t want more of me. There are a thousand reasons why someone would lose interest and I know that’s not for me to know, but as the person left behind, I can’t help but get hurt. I can’t help but take it personally. Because in the end, no matter how I color it with fancy words and motivational quotes—I chose someone who didn’t choose me. I wanted more from someone who didn’t want more from me.
I can’t help but feel so pathetic to be this sad about someone who doesn’t want me. But I just got extremely excited. My brain was a lot calmer; the problems I had weren’t so terrifying anymore. I stupidly thought there was something genuine there.
Living with anxiety all my life meant being constantly scared. Waking up scared. Sleeping scared. And for the first time I just didn’t feel that scared. The idea of this person gave me so much hope and perhaps distraction that nothing felt truly scary anymore.
Diamonds dogs, before anyone says that I should love myself or find love from within, please don’t. I have my insecurities and wounds, but I really, genuinely do love myself. And I think that’s why I’m so confused as to what went wrong. I tend to keep people. But somehow new people or “potentials” don’t want to stay.
Gun to my head in the past, I would have never admitted this, but I think I’ve reached a point where I do want someone. I don’t want someone to tell or solve my problems for me, but I just want someone to help alleviate some of that pain and loneliness. Self-love can only do so much yet we are conditioned to believe in hyper-independence. I do everything to help myself, trust me. But there a pockets of emptiness we can’t fill on our own. That’s just a fact. If we could, no one would be lonely. I just wish I had someone to share life with, not carry life with, but to share it, even just a little.
That’s it. Thank you for reading, Diamond Dogs. I really needed to heal this and the first step to healing is acknowledging what is. This is me doing exactly that. I hope everyone reading this is or will soon be in a much better, healthier, and happier place. I sincerely wish you all the best.

(Only Europe, Please) - short note - If you're not into reading or receiving long messages,don't read any further + Please If you don't want to read everything because of my post being too long for you & instead of reading It all - ..skip some parts - find another person to talk to.Let's respect each other and our free time. All people criticizing/making fun of me & other people - will be blocked.Pretty much as people questioning my post and giving me unsolicited advice.I'm not here for any conflicts and I know I can't please everyone - I know I never will.. However It's me who should feel comfortable in my new potential friendship & obviously someone who wants to be my friend - not the whole world.. which is why I don't need any advice from people who don't even want to be a part of my life. The amount of rude people on Reddit always criticizing others and making fun of them is unbelievably high but let me tell you something - NEVER let anyone make choices for you and criticize you only because you're different! Always fight for your dreams and never let anyone make you think you're worthless! It's your life and you're the one deciding what's best for you - If you want to judge me despite not even wanting to talk to me or give me advice better block me! I'm an adult woman and I make all decisions on my own.I'm not trying to "fit in" and be like everyone else - just to get more attention.Accept me for who I am or let go - is my motto.
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Hello guys! 🙂 (read everything before you decide to send me a message) Please send me a message ONLY If you're in the same situation and If your expectations are the same as mine.I want to find like minded people from Europe (Why Europe? Read my post to find out) I'm looking for something permanent (remember - you can feel lonely even If you're surrounded by others - If there's no emotional bond) I'm fed up of meeting people who never make time for me & only text me once or twice a week to ask me "what are you up to?" Out of boredom.I don't want to meet people asking others a million of questions like "what's your favorite movie?" Just to give them one word answer and ask them another question "and music? Your favorite song?" I'm looking for something "deeper" & different 🙂
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What kind of friend would I like to find? Someone to talk to on a daily basis - Someone who needs It & wants It just as much as me
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What are my expectations? I would like to meet someone in a similar situation – why? Because I honestly feel like only a person with the same expectations and a similar outlook on life would get along with me & because I feel more comfortable talking to people like me..Friendless people who need a strong bond - people without friends and partners.. Don't get me wrong…Most people deserve to be happy and It's good to have friends but people who have friends or families in real life are usually more focused on them (which is completely understandable) & have less time for others + I simply don't want to be replaced by anyone..I kind of envy people who can call others , true friends given I don't have an emotional bond with any of my acquaintances. Please send me a message only If you're not In a relationship and don't have friends for the same reasons I've already mentioned before
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Whenever I hear that others have friends I simply get sad because (believe it or not) If I had to choose between 20 people to talk to (acquaintances) and one special person - I'd choose that one special person without any hesitation .
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I also want to talk to others every day because..I want to see someone’s effort & be someone's first choice - not another person to have random conversations with..some people ask me "Why do you want to talk to people from Europe?" Well..Because I would like to see someone I'd get along with - In the far future - face to face :) + I don't want to wait any longer than 6 hours to receive a message - waiting 6 hours to receive a message is more than enough
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I'm by no means criticizing people who don't want to talk to others often / People who really are super busy & People who want to find someone to have unimportant conversations with - I'm aware that not everyone has the same expectations which is why everything you're reading now - is here for a reason :) All I'm suggesting is - I don't want anything temporary and I don't want to be the one always giving more than receiving.Listen people - I used to ignore being..ignored by others..always being just an option to talk to during tough times or moments of boredom.I was too young to realize that I was never important enough for most people that were a part of my life. I don't know who needs to hear this but..No one is too busy to make time for you! People make excuses to avoid others because they prioritize everything and (maybe) everyone..over them. It's true that most people are busy - but It takes only a few seconds to start a conversation (If you're into short messages) and a few minutes (1-10/15) to type a long message . Don't let anyone lie to you.
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Truth is that most people either don't like you enough to make time for you or just simply - feel no need to talk to others often but are they too busy? No..You don't need to send me a message just to ask me and tell me "Do you really want to talk every day? I like long messages but I can't promise to contact you often" If you really are unsure please don't send me a message.I don't need more acquaintances aka people to talk to - occasionally.
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I'm not trying to sound rude but conversations once or twice a week wouldn't be enough for me and I don't need them... Let me tell you one thing – A true friend would never just give up on you for no reason :) It’s always possible to find someone to have a random conversation with – someone willing to send you one message once or twice a week..but..It’s almost impossible to find people willing to make more time for you.
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I’m not asking a busy person to make time for me by changing some plans! Absolutely not! I’m here to find someone who wants to talk daily (throughout the day or maybe even night) of one’s own will.Someone looking for the same kind of connection.Strong friendships are based on mutual support. One of the best things you can do for a friend in need, is just to be there for them when they want to talk.I often see posts from people who always say how friendless they are because they don't feel loved or appreciated by their "friends" remember! A true friend - someone who truly likes you or someone who wants to get to know you - will always find time for you.
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I'm not interested in small talk/short messages - I love long and meaningful conversations. It's so easy to find someone who loves abbreviations and questions like "How are you?" How was your day? Or what are you interested in? But so hard/almost impossible to find a person who knows how to keep a conversation going & show others some effort.Building and maintaining friendships takes time and effort.Never allow pursuits or possessions to become bigger priorities than your relations with other people.Close friendships are so important to us because they are so difficult to form + Having friends can help you feel as if you belong to something that brings purpose and connection to your life
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• I do NOT respond to any „Hey,hmu” or „u want to talk?” type of messages (super short messages or messages full of abbreviations – I literally can’t stand abbreviations and acronyms in text messages) ALL messages full of abbreviations will immediately be ignored.I also don't like it when people ignore everything I say in private messages just to focus on a random question or? When they start talking only about themselves and don't ever ask me anything. I love conversations with people referring to everything I say...I want everything I say and do - to be reciprocated
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• No NSFW profiles (checking mental health subreddits NOT included as I'm a huge empath and always try to understand others) - Please! I'm not looking for anyone to flirt with and I'm not looking for a partner either. I always check people's profiles (even comment history) - To avoid guys, trying to get inappropriate pictures from adult women or? flirt with them + I don't want to see you with no clothes on so If you're on Reddit only because you want others to see what's underneath your clothes - I'm not for you! I just simply don't want to see any s e x related activity on your profile If you want to talk to me.
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• If both of us (you and I) are from the same country (I live in a non-English speaking country) - I want to communicate with you in our first language! No - Not because I don't understand English - because as you see - I do. Why then? English is simply overrated and people don't appreciate other languages as much as they should. So.. If we're from the same country and you want to talk only in English (which is quite common on reddit) - Talk to someone else. I just don't want to talk to a person from the same country as mine - in a foreign language as It's just something I don't understand even If all you want is to improve your language skills
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• Please only adult people 18-36 (age range) It doesn't matter to me If you're younger or older than me (as long as you're not underage) So.. don't worry! I just want to have discussions with emotionally mature people :)
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• I don’t respond to messages I don’t find interesting even If they're long - If after receiving and reading your message I don't feel comfortable or think "I wouldn't get along with him/her" I simply do not respond (what I’m suggesting is that I don’t always respond to someone’s first or second message because..sometimes you just know If you’d get along with someone or not- I’d never ignore anyone after days or weeks of daily conversations though) just because I don’t want to do anything forcefully & because I don’t want to lead anyone on. I read all messages but I definitely don't respond to all of them! I want to make it clear because I don't want to be accused of not responding and not reading people's messages! - Some people don't message me back as well and even If It's a bit disappointing I'm ok with that! - as long as there's no emotional bond - Not responding to someone's first or second message Is completely OK! If people think they wouldn't get along with a stranger - is there a reason to start a conversation? I don't think so. I can't stand being ignored after days or weeks of daily conversations and seeing people changing priorities over time.. but that's something different - something I don't want to go through ever again for real. If I'm really interested in someone's message it's impossible to hear from me "I'm too busy" because I know myself and If I had no time for others - I wouldn't be here. I don't want to pretend someone I'm not and always try to find some cheap excuses to avoid others. (unlike most people who don't want to talk to others)
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• Don’t ask me “Can you tell me something about yourself?” If you really want to get to know me - you can ask me questions :) I'm an open book.
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• It would be better If you guys were into emojis - like me - to describe your emotions In text messages. Two emojis - 🙂 and 🙁 are completely enough! I just don't like emotionless conversations.I also don't like it when people say "yeah" or yea"as it sounds dismissively. First impression Is everything to me! I want to see your kindness even in a text message - Emojis are very helpful to express your emotions.I don't want to meet people who say "crying Is a weakness" - It's OK to cry even If you're a guy!
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• I want to talk on reddit first (just to make sure If I'd get along with you) before moving to Discord or some other app
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• I would rather talk to a homebody - not another person who always has something to do as people who are very busy don't even have time for daily conversations
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• If you're another person interested only in "childish conversations" such as "HEYOOO! I'M BORED! Ya like Pizza or cheese? xDDDD 🤣" I'm begging you! Don't send me a message.I'm not a child anymore and such messages don't make me smile or laugh.I'm looking for someone interested In serious discussions - not another person just seeking some entertainment out of boredom . Conversations with sarcastic undertones (even when It comes to some emojis such as 🤣😂) are not for me. Your typing style matters to me! Why? when It comes to online conversations with someone new - It's not always possible to know If someone Is laughing at you.. or with you. Let me tell you something else! Jokes about cancer, disabilities and death are UNACCEPTABLE to me. If you find joy In someone else's misfortune you are not a person I want to know.
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• Time response matters to me a lot! I would never ask anyone to be online all day long and I'm NOT asking any of you for any instant messaging as I'm someone who would rather wait an hour or two to receive a proper response instead of some short and pointless messages but I'm interested only in daily conversations and I don't want to wait any longer than 6 hours to get a message from you.I don't need unbelievably long messages either! Messages as long as the second paragraph of my post - are completely enough. If you like longer messages? you can send me a longer message, but If you want to send me one word or one sentence as a response to my post - don't expect a reaction from me. I don't want to come across as rude - I just don't want to waste your time
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• I'm strongly AGAINST picking on people you don't even want to chat with - and making fun of them! I can't stand people who criticize others publicly or make fun of them! (only because they disagree with someone they don't even know) There's no place In my life for someone using Reddit, to hurt other people
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• I'm not into foul language and I definitely don't want to talk to people who swear a lot...
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• I want to meet assertive people who know what they want and always stand up for their friends
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• I want to meet someone willing to call me In the future, someone spontaneously sending me pictures of animals or food, et cetera. I want more than just text conversations.. 🌻
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Why can’t you see any of my hobbies listed down below? Because what really matters to me is..who you are (If you’re honest, talkative ,understanding, caring and trustworthy – for example) just simply – It matters to me what you’re like! not what you like.Don’t get me wrong – you can tell me what your hobbies are but from my point of view - people's hobbies are important - If you want to find a gaming buddy or If you want to meet someone to hang out with in real life and..go bowling for example.What most people seem to care about are other people's passions – I don’t. I get along with other people despite having completely different hobbies but I absolutely don’t get along with people way different than me (different expectations and outlook on life – way different sense of humor or personality traits – It’s just an example) It doesn't make ANY DIFFERENCE to me If you're a gamer or? Someone interested in photography! It doesn't make any difference - > as long as you're talkative and kind and If you also want to find someone willing to stay in your life..for good - But If you're into small talk and all you want is to...type and receive super short messages or If you're here only because you're bored and don't know what to do + If you're a very sarcastic person - I'm definitely not for you! I don't get along with overly sarcastic people turning everything into a joke. Friendships should be natural – not forced. I wouldn't get along with people who laugh at everything.. In my opinion most people are way too sarcastic.. It's quite sad... Sarcasm can also be another form of passive-aggressive behavior.
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People who want to be to friends should feel comfortable and have something in common. No - not necessarily a similar taste in music or movies but something else..Most friendships don't fizzle out because of people not having the same hobbies but..because they just simply have different expectations when It comes to something important.I'm not here out of boredom and trust me - I'm not here to meet as many people as possible.I choose quality over quantity.I highly value myself and my time & Sometimes one person but a person who makes you feel comfortable and understood - is more than enough :) We ALL can choose what kind of people we’d like to talk to and maybe even become really good friends with and I? I don’t want anyone to be disappointed.We all have some expectations after all.I know that people don't have to talk as often as possible in order to become friends but I'm interested only in daily conversations. If you really need someone to talk to due to loneliness and If you have time to talk to me daily (throughout the day and maybe even night) I always make time for others.I'm literally always available.I could even stay up all night long only to talk to someone important to me. I’m ready to commit but only If there’s some chemistry between me and someone else.I don’t do anything forcefully.
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If you want to talk to me tell me your story - tell me why you're here, what kind of friend would you like to meet :) Et cetera.Such messages are way more interesting to me than...someone's long list of hobbies. I know! It's unusual on reddit but I don't make friends based on hobbies..I want to meet someone with the same mindset as mine to finally feel understood and get close to someone new. You can share your problems with me - I absolutely don't mind "complaining" as I've been through a lot in my life.What do people usually tell you when you tell them that something's wrong? "Don't complain" or "Life's not over yet - one day you'll be happy" or "There are worse situations than yours" and..obviously "Find a therapist" Life's not a fairytale and sometimes things don't go as planned.Emotions shouldn't be bottled up.I'm sick of people always telling others "everything's gonna be ok" move on " & more..Trust me people - not everyone wants to hear "Just believe in yourself and everything's gonna be ok" Some people take it as reassurance - but others? They would rather hear something different 🙁Imagine being told that things will be okay, only for them to get worse..Do you guys know why telling someone "everything's gonna be ok" Is wrong? Because you can't see the future.
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You can't guarantee others that one day they'll finally be happy + when It comes to social interactions - We're responsible only for ourselves - not others & as you guys know people let us down quite often (sometimes even when there's no reason) so instead of telling people how they should move on, forget everything and be happy or asking them to find a therapist - be there for them! Always be willing to listen to them If you really like them or want to get to know them & don't suggest everyone in a tough situation to find a therapist because even the best therapist won't ever replace a true friend + It's quite normal to be disappointed If people always do something to hurt you. Sharing your hardships with other people in a very similar situation or exactly the same one - is VERY helpful If the other person understands you & wants to start all over by just letting it all out! Feeling emotional support instead of always hearing some "positive quotes" or someone saying "Stop complaining let's talk about something else - Is very important! "Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on. I appreciate sensitive people who always try to understand others. If after hearing a sad story all you want to say is "forget the past and move on" you're not for me. It's important to be a good listener and provide emotional support to others
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Please - If you're a completely different person than the described type of person I'm looking for (If you love abbreviations,If you don't need a stable friendship, If you're sarcastic and quiet) or If you simply disagree with my post - don't force yourself to send me a message.I want my new potential friendship to be natural which is why I want you to contact me only If your needs are the same - I don't want you to pretend someone you're not - only to please me - Pretending to be someone you're not - is the worst.I want to finally be happy again & find someone "always" wanting to talk - sending me random pictures throughout the day - food pictures or pictures of some animals. What is the most important to me? I want to find people who value online friendships as much as they would value real life ones as there's another human being on the other side
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No comments please.Only Private messages and chat requests 🌺
I know It's possible to meet people with exactly the same expectations as mine but It's just not easy because most people are Interested In temporary and entertaining conversations. People like me are just "different" I really want to finally find someone who loves emojis as much as I do.. someone who loves sweet, warm and serious discussions at the same time. Emojis really do - change conversations 😊

(Only Europe, Please) - short note - If you're not into reading or receiving long messages,don't read any further + Please If you don't want to read everything because of my post being too long for you & instead of reading It all - ..skip some parts - find another person to talk to.Let's respect each other and our free time. All people criticizing/making fun of me & other people - will be blocked.Pretty much as people questioning my post and giving me unsolicited advice.I'm not here for any conflicts and I know I can't please everyone - I know I never will.. However It's me who should feel comfortable in my new potential friendship & obviously someone who wants to be my friend - not the whole world.. which is why I don't need any advice from people who don't even want to be a part of my life. The amount of rude people on Reddit always criticizing others and making fun of them is unbelievably high but let me tell you something - NEVER let anyone make choices for you and criticize you only because you're different! Always fight for your dreams and never let anyone make you think you're worthless! It's your life and you're the one deciding what's best for you - If you want to judge me despite not even wanting to talk to me or give me advice better block me! I'm an adult woman and I make all decisions on my own.I'm not trying to "fit in" and be like everyone else - just to get more attention.Accept me for who I am or let go - is my motto.
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Hello guys! 🙂 (read everything before you decide to send me a message) Please send me a message ONLY If you're in the same situation and If your expectations are the same as mine.I want to find like minded people from Europe (Why Europe? Read my post to find out) I'm looking for something permanent (remember - you can feel lonely even If you're surrounded by others - If there's no emotional bond) I'm fed up of meeting people who never make time for me & only text me once or twice a week to ask me "what are you up to?" Out of boredom.I don't want to meet people asking others a million of questions like "what's your favorite movie?" Just to give them one word answer and ask them another question "and music? Your favorite song?" I'm looking for something "deeper" & different 🙂
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What kind of friend would I like to find? Someone to talk to on a daily basis - Someone who needs It & wants It just as much as me
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What are my expectations? I would like to meet someone in a similar situation – why? Because I honestly feel like only a person with the same expectations and a similar outlook on life would get along with me & because I feel more comfortable talking to people like me..Friendless people who need a strong bond - people without friends and partners.. Don't get me wrong…Most people deserve to be happy and It's good to have friends but people who have friends or families in real life are usually more focused on them (which is completely understandable) & have less time for others + I simply don't want to be replaced by anyone..I kind of envy people who can call others , true friends given I don't have an emotional bond with any of my acquaintances. Please send me a message only If you're not In a relationship and don't have friends for the same reasons I've already mentioned before
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Whenever I hear that others have friends I simply get sad because (believe it or not) If I had to choose between 20 people to talk to (acquaintances) and one special person - I'd choose that one special person without any hesitation .
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I also want to talk to others every day because..I want to see someone’s effort & be someone's first choice - not another person to have random conversations with..some people ask me "Why do you want to talk to people from Europe?" Well..Because I would like to see someone I'd get along with - In the far future - face to face :) + I don't want to wait any longer than 6 hours to receive a message - waiting 6 hours to receive a message is more than enough
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I'm by no means criticizing people who don't want to talk to others often / People who really are super busy & People who want to find someone to have unimportant conversations with - I'm aware that not everyone has the same expectations which is why everything you're reading now - is here for a reason :) All I'm suggesting is - I don't want anything temporary and I don't want to be the one always giving more than receiving.Listen people - I used to ignore being..ignored by others..always being just an option to talk to during tough times or moments of boredom.I was too young to realize that I was never important enough for most people that were a part of my life. I don't know who needs to hear this but..No one is too busy to make time for you! People make excuses to avoid others because they prioritize everything and (maybe) everyone..over them. It's true that most people are busy - but It takes only a few seconds to start a conversation (If you're into short messages) and a few minutes (1-10/15) to type a long message . Don't let anyone lie to you.
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Truth is that most people either don't like you enough to make time for you or just simply - feel no need to talk to others often but are they too busy? No..You don't need to send me a message just to ask me and tell me "Do you really want to talk every day? I like long messages but I can't promise to contact you often" If you really are unsure please don't send me a message.I don't need more acquaintances aka people to talk to - occasionally.
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I'm not trying to sound rude but conversations once or twice a week wouldn't be enough for me and I don't need them... Let me tell you one thing – A true friend would never just give up on you for no reason :) It’s always possible to find someone to have a random conversation with – someone willing to send you one message once or twice a week..but..It’s almost impossible to find people willing to make more time for you.
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I’m not asking a busy person to make time for me by changing some plans! Absolutely not! I’m here to find someone who wants to talk daily (throughout the day or maybe even night) of one’s own will.Someone looking for the same kind of connection.Strong friendships are based on mutual support. One of the best things you can do for a friend in need, is just to be there for them when they want to talk.I often see posts from people who always say how friendless they are because they don't feel loved or appreciated by their "friends" remember! A true friend - someone who truly likes you or someone who wants to get to know you - will always find time for you.
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I'm not interested in small talk/short messages - I love long and meaningful conversations. It's so easy to find someone who loves abbreviations and questions like "How are you?" How was your day? Or what are you interested in? But so hard/almost impossible to find a person who knows how to keep a conversation going & show others some effort.Building and maintaining friendships takes time and effort.Never allow pursuits or possessions to become bigger priorities than your relations with other people.Close friendships are so important to us because they are so difficult to form + Having friends can help you feel as if you belong to something that brings purpose and connection to your life
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• I do NOT respond to any „Hey,hmu” or „u want to talk?” type of messages (super short messages or messages full of abbreviations – I literally can’t stand abbreviations and acronyms in text messages) ALL messages full of abbreviations will immediately be ignored.I also don't like it when people ignore everything I say in private messages just to focus on a random question or? When they start talking only about themselves and don't ever ask me anything. I love conversations with people referring to everything I say...I want everything I say and do - to be reciprocated
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• No NSFW profiles (checking mental health subreddits NOT included as I'm a huge empath and always try to understand others) - Please! I'm not looking for anyone to flirt with and I'm not looking for a partner either. I always check people's profiles (even comment history) - To avoid guys, trying to get inappropriate pictures from adult women or? flirt with them + I don't want to see you with no clothes on so If you're on Reddit only because you want others to see what's underneath your clothes - I'm not for you! I just simply don't want to see any s e x related activity on your profile If you want to talk to me.
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• If both of us (you and I) are from the same country (I live in a non-English speaking country) - I want to communicate with you in our first language! No - Not because I don't understand English - because as you see - I do. Why then? English is simply overrated and people don't appreciate other languages as much as they should. So.. If we're from the same country and you want to talk only in English (which is quite common on reddit) - Talk to someone else. I just don't want to talk to a person from the same country as mine - in a foreign language as It's just something I don't understand even If all you want is to improve your language skills
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• Please only adult people 18-36 (age range) It doesn't matter to me If you're younger or older than me (as long as you're not underage) So.. don't worry! I just want to have discussions with emotionally mature people :)
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• I don’t respond to messages I don’t find interesting even If they're long - If after receiving and reading your message I don't feel comfortable or think "I wouldn't get along with him/her" I simply do not respond (what I’m suggesting is that I don’t always respond to someone’s first or second message because..sometimes you just know If you’d get along with someone or not- I’d never ignore anyone after days or weeks of daily conversations though) just because I don’t want to do anything forcefully & because I don’t want to lead anyone on. I read all messages but I definitely don't respond to all of them! I want to make it clear because I don't want to be accused of not responding and not reading people's messages! - Some people don't message me back as well and even If It's a bit disappointing I'm ok with that! - as long as there's no emotional bond - Not responding to someone's first or second message Is completely OK! If people think they wouldn't get along with a stranger - is there a reason to start a conversation? I don't think so. I can't stand being ignored after days or weeks of daily conversations and seeing people changing priorities over time.. but that's something different - something I don't want to go through ever again for real. If I'm really interested in someone's message it's impossible to hear from me "I'm too busy" because I know myself and If I had no time for others - I wouldn't be here. I don't want to pretend someone I'm not and always try to find some cheap excuses to avoid others. (unlike most people who don't want to talk to others)
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• Don’t ask me “Can you tell me something about yourself?” If you really want to get to know me - you can ask me questions :) I'm an open book.
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• It would be better If you guys were into emojis - like me - to describe your emotions In text messages. Two emojis - 🙂 and 🙁 are completely enough! I just don't like emotionless conversations.I also don't like it when people say "yeah" or yea"as it sounds dismissively. First impression Is everything to me! I want to see your kindness even in a text message - Emojis are very helpful to express your emotions.I don't want to meet people who say "crying Is a weakness" - It's OK to cry even If you're a guy!
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• I want to talk on reddit first (just to make sure If I'd get along with you) before moving to Discord or some other app
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• I would rather talk to a homebody - not another person who always has something to do as people who are very busy don't even have time for daily conversations
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• If you're another person interested only in "childish conversations" such as "HEYOOO! I'M BORED! Ya like Pizza or cheese? xDDDD 🤣" I'm begging you! Don't send me a message.I'm not a child anymore and such messages don't make me smile or laugh.I'm looking for someone interested In serious discussions - not another person just seeking some entertainment out of boredom . Conversations with sarcastic undertones (even when It comes to some emojis such as 🤣😂) are not for me. Your typing style matters to me! Why? when It comes to online conversations with someone new - It's not always possible to know If someone Is laughing at you.. or with you. Let me tell you something else! Jokes about cancer, disabilities and death are UNACCEPTABLE to me. If you find joy In someone else's misfortune you are not a person I want to know.
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• Time response matters to me a lot! I would never ask anyone to be online all day long and I'm NOT asking any of you for any instant messaging as I'm someone who would rather wait an hour or two to receive a proper response instead of some short and pointless messages but I'm interested only in daily conversations and I don't want to wait any longer than 6 hours to get a message from you.I don't need unbelievably long messages either! Messages as long as the second paragraph of my post - are completely enough. If you like longer messages? you can send me a longer message, but If you want to send me one word or one sentence as a response to my post - don't expect a reaction from me. I don't want to come across as rude - I just don't want to waste your time
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• I'm strongly AGAINST picking on people you don't even want to chat with - and making fun of them! I can't stand people who criticize others publicly or make fun of them! (only because they disagree with someone they don't even know) There's no place In my life for someone using Reddit, to hurt other people
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• I'm not into foul language and I definitely don't want to talk to people who swear a lot...
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• I want to meet assertive people who know what they want and always stand up for their friends
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• I want to meet someone willing to call me In the future, someone spontaneously sending me pictures of animals or food, et cetera. I want more than just text conversations.. 🌻
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Why can’t you see any of my hobbies listed down below? Because what really matters to me is..who you are (If you’re honest, talkative ,understanding, caring and trustworthy – for example) just simply – It matters to me what you’re like! not what you like.Don’t get me wrong – you can tell me what your hobbies are but from my point of view - people's hobbies are important - If you want to find a gaming buddy or If you want to meet someone to hang out with in real life and..go bowling for example.What most people seem to care about are other people's passions – I don’t. I get along with other people despite having completely different hobbies but I absolutely don’t get along with people way different than me (different expectations and outlook on life – way different sense of humor or personality traits – It’s just an example) It doesn't make ANY DIFFERENCE to me If you're a gamer or? Someone interested in photography! It doesn't make any difference - > as long as you're talkative and kind and If you also want to find someone willing to stay in your life..for good - But If you're into small talk and all you want is to...type and receive super short messages or If you're here only because you're bored and don't know what to do + If you're a very sarcastic person - I'm definitely not for you! I don't get along with overly sarcastic people turning everything into a joke. Friendships should be natural – not forced. I wouldn't get along with people who laugh at everything.. In my opinion most people are way too sarcastic.. It's quite sad... Sarcasm can also be another form of passive-aggressive behavior.
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People who want to be to friends should feel comfortable and have something in common. No - not necessarily a similar taste in music or movies but something else..Most friendships don't fizzle out because of people not having the same hobbies but..because they just simply have different expectations when It comes to something important.I'm not here out of boredom and trust me - I'm not here to meet as many people as possible.I choose quality over quantity.I highly value myself and my time & Sometimes one person but a person who makes you feel comfortable and understood - is more than enough :) We ALL can choose what kind of people we’d like to talk to and maybe even become really good friends with and I? I don’t want anyone to be disappointed.We all have some expectations after all.I know that people don't have to talk as often as possible in order to become friends but I'm interested only in daily conversations. If you really need someone to talk to due to loneliness and If you have time to talk to me daily (throughout the day and maybe even night) I always make time for others.I'm literally always available.I could even stay up all night long only to talk to someone important to me. I’m ready to commit but only If there’s some chemistry between me and someone else.I don’t do anything forcefully.
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If you want to talk to me tell me your story - tell me why you're here, what kind of friend would you like to meet :) Et cetera.Such messages are way more interesting to me than...someone's long list of hobbies. I know! It's unusual on reddit but I don't make friends based on hobbies..I want to meet someone with the same mindset as mine to finally feel understood and get close to someone new. You can share your problems with me - I absolutely don't mind "complaining" as I've been through a lot in my life.What do people usually tell you when you tell them that something's wrong? "Don't complain" or "Life's not over yet - one day you'll be happy" or "There are worse situations than yours" and..obviously "Find a therapist" Life's not a fairytale and sometimes things don't go as planned.Emotions shouldn't be bottled up.I'm sick of people always telling others "everything's gonna be ok" move on " & more..Trust me people - not everyone wants to hear "Just believe in yourself and everything's gonna be ok" Some people take it as reassurance - but others? They would rather hear something different 🙁Imagine being told that things will be okay, only for them to get worse..Do you guys know why telling someone "everything's gonna be ok" Is wrong? Because you can't see the future.
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You can't guarantee others that one day they'll finally be happy + when It comes to social interactions - We're responsible only for ourselves - not others & as you guys know people let us down quite often (sometimes even when there's no reason) so instead of telling people how they should move on, forget everything and be happy or asking them to find a therapist - be there for them! Always be willing to listen to them If you really like them or want to get to know them & don't suggest everyone in a tough situation to find a therapist because even the best therapist won't ever replace a true friend + It's quite normal to be disappointed If people always do something to hurt you. Sharing your hardships with other people in a very similar situation or exactly the same one - is VERY helpful If the other person understands you & wants to start all over by just letting it all out! Feeling emotional support instead of always hearing some "positive quotes" or someone saying "Stop complaining let's talk about something else - Is very important! "Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on. I appreciate sensitive people who always try to understand others. If after hearing a sad story all you want to say is "forget the past and move on" you're not for me. It's important to be a good listener and provide emotional support to others
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Please - If you're a completely different person than the described type of person I'm looking for (If you love abbreviations,If you don't need a stable friendship, If you're sarcastic and quiet) or If you simply disagree with my post - don't force yourself to send me a message.I want my new potential friendship to be natural which is why I want you to contact me only If your needs are the same - I don't want you to pretend someone you're not - only to please me - Pretending to be someone you're not - is the worst.I want to finally be happy again & find someone "always" wanting to talk - sending me random pictures throughout the day - food pictures or pictures of some animals. What is the most important to me? I want to find people who value online friendships as much as they would value real life ones as there's another human being on the other side
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No comments please.Only Private messages and chat requests 🌺
I know It's possible to meet people with exactly the same expectations as mine but It's just not easy because most people are Interested In temporary and entertaining conversations. People like me are just "different" I really want to finally find someone who loves emojis as much as I do.. someone who loves sweet, warm and serious discussions at the same time. Emojis really do - change conversations 😊

Vibhajjavada and Sarvāstivāda: Analysing the Heart Sutra from Theravadin Perspective—Part 12

5.1.8. Śūnyavāda

Śūnyavāda and Māyāvāda are two parts of Sarvāstivādi creationism and eternalism. Maya is the form (flesh and blood) and mind (Emptiness/Śūnya) is the External/Outside Agent in the form.

[Heart (Red; page 6-7)]: Avalokiteshvara lists the major conceptual categories of the Sarvastivadin Abhidharma and considers each in the light of Prajnaparamita [...] Avalokiteshvara reviews the major signposts near the end of the path without introducing additional conceptual categories that might obstruct or deter those who would travel it.

The Sarvāstivādi Lankavatara Sutra is the backbone of Mahayana, which was brought to China by Bodhidharma. The sutras that contradict Lankavatara is herectical. However, for some reasons, the Mahayanists did not stop producing new sutras, which might or might not agree with Lankavatara.

• So, can we be called 'the enlightenend' when we know our own svabhāva does not exist but buddha-svabhāva does in each of us?

Śūnyavāda

The Lankavatara Sutra demonstrates both Sarvāstivādi Śūnyavāda and Māyāvāda. It presents seven types of Emptiness, including the Emptiness of self-nature [Svabhāva-Śūnya], with very brief explanations that are insufficient to understand these concepts. They are too brief to understand the meaning and intention of "all of the five Skandhas are equally empty" and "form is emptiness, emptiness is form." That has left the Mahayanist scholars in disagreement and argument.

Citta-matrata:

[Lanka Chapter 3:] emptiness of self-nature is meant that all things in their self-nature are un-born; therefore, it is said that things are empty as to self-nature [...] When it is recognized that the world as it presents itself is no more than a manifestation of mind, then birth is seen as no-birth,

• Mind: the only real thing. It is more real than existence.
• Manifestation of mind: maya or the world
• Birth exists, but it is imagination according to Lankavatara.
• all things in their self-nature are un-born: gotra-svabhāva? Tathāgatagarbha?

Seven Kinds of Emptiness

The Mahayanists present "Sixteen Kinds of Emptiness", "Eighteen Kinds of Emptiness within Four Kinds of Emptiness", "Sixteen kinds of emptiness", "Twenty kinds of emptiness", etc.
The Lotus Sutra does not peresent these types of emptiness; however, it presents interesting types of emptiness.
If mind is the only thing, why are the systems so complex? What is the need for many types of emptiness?

[Lanka Chapter 3:] The Blessed One replied: What is emptiness, indeed! It is a term whose very self-nature is false-imagination, but because of one's attachment to false-imagination we are obliged to talk of emptiness, no-birth, and no self-nature.

• The Blessed One is the original Tathagata or the mind.
• False imagination is maya—it is the false imagination of the mind.
  • A false imagination (illusion) cannot have false imagination.
  • It is the false imagination of the mind or the original Tathagata.

Lankavatara presents seven kinds of emptiness:

1. emptiness of mutuality which is non-existent;
2. emptiness of individual marks;
3. emptiness of self-nature;
4. emptiness of no-work;
5. emptiness of work;
6. emptiness of all things in the sense that they are unpredictable, and
7. emptiness in its highest sense of Ultimate Reality.

The Lankavatara Sutra emphasises the Emptiness of self-nature (svabhāva-śūnya). It rejects the emptiness of mutuality but presents mind (buddha-nature) inside the mortals. Nothing is mutual between illusion and reality. Illusion is the false imagination of mind.

• Svabhāva-śūnya: the mortals do not have their own self (self-nature)

The other five kinds of emptiness must also be important. However, bringing all seven types of Emptiness and other concepts of Emptiness into a comprehensive concept is unachievable. Understanding Emptiness with all these concepts is likely impossible. Nevertheless, we are informed that emptiness (svabhāva-śūnya) is the ultimate reality, while on the other side is maya, the false imagination of mind.

• 6. emptiness of all things in the sense that they are unpredictable: Emptiness of all things is unpredictable;
• Unpredictable nature is God. For example:
  • The Wildly Unpredictable Nature of Jesus
  • God is Consistent, Yet Unpredictable. - Graham Cooke
  • THE UNPREDICTABLE GOD WHO NONETHELESS STILL LOVES
  • The Unpredictable God - River of Life Blog
  • Why is God So Unpredictable? - Key Life
• Unpredictability is divine nature.
• Buddha-nature, as it is described, does not have the same attributes of divine-nature. However, emptiness has such qualities. Divine-nature in Mahayana comes in a number of flavours: Buddha-nature, emptiness, Maheśvara, Ālayavijñāna, etc.

Mahāprajñāpāramitāsūtra presents 18-20 kinds of emptiness

[Prajnaparamita (CONZE page 19):] Considering the paramount importance of the idea of emptiness, a list of 20 kinds of emptiness is particularly welcome. The term "emptiness" as such is said to mean "neither unmoved nor destroyed". "Unmoved" (a-kutastha) means that it overtowers (kiita) all change, is unchangeable in what it is, in its own being, "steadfast as a mountain peak, as a pillar firmly fixed". The opposite would be the change, or destruction, of its own being. Both of these are excluded.
[Prajnaparamita (CONZE page 48):] (22) to be trained in the eighteen kinds of emptiness, i.e. the emptiness of the subject, etc.

• "neither unmoved nor destroyed": Nothing is something. Emptiness is something eternal without change.

Nagarjuna (also) presents three emptinesses in the Maha Prajnaparamita Sastra [Gelongma].
The first is similar to Sunna Sutta. See 5.1.12.

[Nagarjuna:] The eye is empty (śūnya): in it there is no ‘me’ (ātman) or ‘mine’ (ātmīya), and there is no dharma ‘eye’. It is the same for the ear, nose, tongue, body and mind.

• Why does Mahāprajñāpāramitāsūtra present different sets of emptiness?
• They are likely the works of different authors.

[Gelongma:] For the disciples of the Mahāyāna ‘Greater Vehicle’ who are of keen faculties (tīkṣnendriya), the emptiness of dharmas is taught, and immediately they know that saṃsāra is eternally empty (nityaśūnya) and the same as nirvāṇa.

• Lankavatara explains Nirvana is Samsara because the original Tathagata is eternal:

[Lanka Chapter 2:] Even Nirvana and Samsara's world of life and death are aspects of the same thing [emptiness]

• As Nirvana is Samsara, these sutras have no other shore but the shoreline around a lake.
• Lankavatara's the original Tathagata is not one of those who got to the other shore.
• Now we know that too, but what special purpose does that knowledge serve? Gelongma gives no examples.

[Gelongma:] For the disciples of the Hīnayāna ‘Lesser Vehicle’

• Gelongma demonstrates the Sarvāstivādis' fundamental antipathy to Vibhajjavada.

[Gelongma:] If the Buddha were to speak of only one single emptiness, the many wrong views (mithyādṛṣṭi) and passions (kleśa) could not be destroyed [...] People who cling to the nature of emptiness (śūnyatālakṣaṇābhiniviṣṭa) fall into [the extreme] of nihilism (ucchedānta); to speak of the eighteen emptinesses is to hit the target (lakṣya) right on. To speak of ten or fifteen emptinesses would likewise provoke doubts (saṃśaya), but this is not at issue.

• Gelongma gives no examples for his views.
• How many types of emptiness did Avalokiteśvara discover?
• Just one; it's Svabhāva-Śūnya (dharmaśūnyatā).

5.1.9. Avalokiteśvara discovered Svabhāva-Śūnya (Maya)

[Lanka Chapter 2:] the truths of the emptiness, un-bornness, no self-natureness, and the non-duality of all things.

• Emptiness or mind (vijñana) does not die, so is un-born. Both the original Tathagata and Krishna are un-born. The indestructible buddha-nature (in the body of mortals) is vijñana not different from soul.
• Non-duality means mind (buddha-nature) is real, maya is not—Citta-matrata (Vijñaptimātra).
• Mahayana accepts the five aggregates but rejects their svabhāva: anicca, dukkha, anatta. Vasubandhu's Abhidharmakosha does not reject dukkha.
• Vibhajjavadi Buddha did not deal with the concept of dual-nondual or un-bornness. Nonetheless, Nama-rupa are paramatthas and can be seen as dual. The five aggregates are anatta (anattavāda).

[Lanka Chapter 3:] the fundamental fact that the external world is nothing but a manifestation of mind... emptiness, no-birth, and no self-nature.

• No self-nature: Svabhāva-Śūnya is Maya (false imagination). Maya is the manifesation of mind.
• Mind is buddha-nature; Our buddha-nature is awareness (Bodhidharma).

[The Buddha nature (Six Senses):] Buddha nature means that the true nature of our mind is pure, right from the beginning, and has been so since the beginning of time. Although it is in itself perfectly unblemished, it becomes obscured, which prevents us from seeing it in its true form.

• Mind inside maya (the mortals) is aware and can imagine, pray and worship with hope for emancipation.
• It is a close system with the original Tathagata as the Godhead (godhood/buddha-nature). The original Tathagata is the Holy Ghost (emptiness/mind).

overcame all Ill-being

[Heart (Thich):] Avalokiteshvara while practicing deeply with the Insight that Brings Us to the Other Shore, suddenly discovered that all of the five Skandhas are equally empty, and with this realisation he overcame all Ill-being.

• Avalokiteśvara discovered Svabhāva-Śūnya (Maya).
• if all the five Skandhas are equally empty of own svabhāva (own self-nature), Saṃjñā is empty. Saṃskāra is empty. And vijñāna is empty of svabhāva, too.
• If vijñāna (mind) is empty of svabhāva, buddha-svabhāva (gotra-svabhāva) is empty of svabhāva. Then, Gotra-Svabhāva is empty of gotra-svabhāva, is fale imagination, maya.
• Gotra-svabhāva is ālayavijñāna and tathāgatagarbha.

This `gotra-svabhava` means that the gotra (seed nature) of the `Tathagata` exists in all sentient beings. [THE SIGNIFICANCE OF `TATHAGATAGARBHA`：A POSITIVE EXPRESSION OF `SUNYATA` (HENG-CHING SHIH)]

• According to citta-matra theory, that citta is the original Buddha/Tathagata, whose seeds are inside all the mortals—The original Tathagata's seeds are trying to grow up inside all of the bodhisattvas.
• As vijñāna is immortal Self (svabhāva), we should only say not all the five Skandhas but four are empty.
• If vijñāna is not ālayavijñāna or tathāgatagarbha, then we must add them among the five skandhas. Then, there are seven Skandhas, including rupa, vedanā, saṃjñā, saṃskāra, vijñāna, ālayavijñāna and tathāgatagarbha.
• Attavāda: The five Skandhas are equally empty of own svabhāva but occupied by Buddha-nature (mind)
• Anattavāda: mind (citta) is impermanance (anicca); impermanence is suffering (dukkha).
• Empty of svabhāva/self-nature sounds like anattavada. However, the indestructiblity of vijñāna (buddha-self-nature) is sassatavada and attavada.

Heart Sutra: Empty of Own svabhāva

[Heart (Red; pages 87)]: the Five Skandhas are empty of self-existence. [p77] Something that is empty of self-existence is inseparable from everything else, including emptiness. [p91] But if, as Avalokiteshvara tells us, all dharmas are empty of self-existence, impermanence 'no longer applies, as they neither come into being, nor do they cease to be. [p92] In the light of Prajnaparamita, all such states are seen to be empty of self-existence. [p94] And because such a self cannot be found, dharmas are said to be "empty of self-existence." [p120] But since the Five Skandhas are empty of self-existence, suffering must also be empty of self-existence. But if suffering is empty of self-existence, then there is no self that suffers. Thus, in emptiness there is no suffering, no source of suffering, no relief from suffering, and no path leading to relief from suffering. This is the basis of Avalokiteshvara's interpretation of the Four Truths. ['empty of self-existence' appears 13 times]

• That is Sarvastivādi Māyāvāda and Śūnyavāda.
• Is svabhāva translated as self-existence and self-nature because of self (atta)?

[Heart (Red; page 69):] Emptiness does not mean nothingness. It simply means the absence of the erroneous distinctions that divide one entity from another, one being from another being, one thought from another thought. Emptiness is not nothing, it's everything, everything at once. This is what Avalokiteshvara sees...

• the absence of the erroneous distinctions: That means the truth is all beings are connected, and there is no distinction between the original Tathagata, buddhas, bodhisattvas, ordinary beings... Some Mahayanists believe everyone is enlightened.

[Heart (Thich):] Thich Nhat Hanh considered emptiness is "totality" and "wholeness." If they are applied to Heart-Sutra, "all of the five Skandhas are equally empty" becomes "all of the five Skandhas are totality and wholeness."

• Thich Nhat Hanh's statement disagrees with sunyavada and Māyāvāda. Red Pine's "does not mean nothingness" sounds like Thich Nhat Hanh's view. If emptiness is totality and wholeness, emptiness does not mean emptiness.

[Heart (Red; page 75)]: But in the light of Prajnaparamita, form is not simply empty, it is so completely empty, it is emptiness itself, which turns out to be the same as form itself.

• Red Pine is a great Mahayanist scholar. Yet he, too, is confused about emptiness, mind, self, etc. Mahayanist scholars, including Thich Nhat Hanh, interpreted the Heart Sutra differently and are confused about emptiness profoundly.

[Heart (Red; page 33)]: Others say true appearances transcend such dialectics—that they are the absolute, subjective mind—the mind's self-nature.

• Self-nature is what is not empty but "totality" and "wholeness."
• With this self-nature, maya suffers:

EMPTINESS (SUCHNESS), NON-DUALITY AND NON-EXISTENCE

[Heart (Red; page 120, quoted in Heart (Dharmanet)):] Since the Five Skandhas are empty of self-existence, suffering must also be empty of self-existence. But if suffering is empty of self-existence, then there is no self that suffers. Thus, in emptiness there is no suffering, no source of suffering, no relief from suffering, and no path leading to relief from suffering. This is the basis of Avalokiteshvara’s interpretation of the Four Truths.

• then there is no self that suffers: there is buddha-self-nature that is aware of sufferings.
  
• if suffering is empty of self-existence, then there is no self that suffers: We can only guess if suffering has awareness (buddha-nature) of suffering or not.
  
• So, self-existence means self's existence, and self-nature means self's nature. That is all about self after all.
  

the Zen master immediately used his thumb and index finger to pinch and twist the novice’s nose. In great agony, the novice cried out “Teacher! You’re hurting me!” The Zen master looked at the novice. “Just now you said that the nose doesn’t exist. But if the nose doesn’t exist then what’s hurting?” [New Heart Sutra translation by Thich Nhat Hanh]

• If the mortals cannot suffer because they do not have their own selves (self-nature), why do we feel pain?
• If self is the thing that suffers, does the indestructible buddha-nature suffer?
• But we all know we feel the pain.
• Then, do the sutras indirectly mean the mortals have selves?

Vasubandhu

[Vasubandhu:] the five sense organs (eye, ear, nose, tongue, skin) can each be inferred from the awareness of their respective sensory objects. But, he [Vasubandhu] says, there is no such inference for the self [2.1 Disproof of the Self (Jonathan C. Gold)].

• Vasubandhu accepted the physical nature as reality and rejected self at first, but changed his mind later and became a founder of 'mind only' school, which resembles Māyāvāda. The Lankavatara Sutra presents Māyāvāda and ten stages towards Maheśvara and the Lotus Sutra presents the ekayāna (buddhahood is the only liberation).

“If the images of physical forms, and so on, were just consciousness, not physical things, then the Buddha would not have spoken of the existence of the sense bases of physical form, and so on.” [3. Approaches to Scriptural Interpretation (Jonathan C. Gold)]

• After converting to Mahayana, Vasubandhu rejected the physicality and advocated for 'mind only'as a founder of a Mahayanist school. The sutras transformed Mahayana into Māyāvāda.

Nāgārjuna: Rūpa Has Selves

The specific nature belonging to each dharma is, for example, the solidity (khakkhaṭatva) of earth (pṛthivi), the wetness (dravatva) of water (ap-), the warmth of fire (uṣṇatva) of fire (tejas), the mobility (īraṇatva) of wind (vāyu): such natures differentiate dharmas, each of which has its own nature”. [Tathata (Mahāprajñāpāramitāśāstra chapter XLIX)]

• The Tathata concepts suggests mental and physical aggeregates have selves, contradicting the Heart Sutra and the discovery of Avalokiteśvara.
• Tathata is not a common word in the Theravada literature.

[Theravada:] Tathata (“suchness”) designates the firmly fixed nature (bhāva) of all things whatever.—The only passage in the Canon where the word occurs in this sense, is found in Kath. 186 (s. Guide, p. 83).

5.1.11. Sarvāstivādi Eternalism

Tathatā also represents Sarvāstivādi eternalism that rejects anicca (impermanence):

Tathatā represents the sameness of dharmas throughout the three times.

• Tathatā in that sense is the original Tathagata.

Hence at the time when the mental consciousness delivers it judgment, the perceptual cognition no longer exists since all things are momentary. [The Theory of Two Truths in India: 3.2 Ultimate truth (Sonam Thakchoe)]

• That is about form, not self-nature (svabhāva) and the eternal Tathagata.
• The Theravada monks observed the mind and body and developed direct knowledge, so they spoke about their discoveries. However, the Sarvāstivādi philosophers and scholars relied on speculative theories, and ended up with eternalism, which they originally belonged to.

Samkhara

[Samkara, a critic of non-authodox Buddhism,] divides Buddhism into three types: the “realists” (sarvāstitvādins), the “idealists” (vijñānavādins), and the “nihilists” (śūnyavādins) [...] in this simple threefold manner, and many would take great exception to the characterization of śūnyavāda, the “theory of the void” associated primarily with the Mādhyamika school of Nāgārjuna, as mere “nihilism.” [The Essential Vedanta Eliot Deutsch And Rohit Dalvi (PDF file) (Eliot Deutsch and Rohit Dalvi; page 126)]

• Mahayanist sects share the same sutras. Probably, their interpretations of these sutras made them different. They are unintentionally analysed when these sutras are analysed. Mahayanists are a mix of personalists and impersonalists. Probalby, Red Pine and Thich Nhat Hanh are good examples.
• Some accused Samkhara of borrowing the Sarvāstivādi concepts of Māyāvāda without considering they came from Brahmanism and Jainism. According to Suhotra Swami, Māyāvāda (Impersonalism) was very ancient (so it did not originate in Sarvāstivāda:

[Suhotra Swami] originally Vedanta meant Vaisnava-vedanta. The Vedanta-sutras were compiled by Vyasadeva, a Vaisnava. The Srimad Bhagavatam is the natural commentary on the Vedanta-sutra, written by Vyasadeva himself 5000 years ago. [VII. A historical comparison of Vaisnava-vedanta, Mayavadi-vedanta and Buddhism.]

Personalism

• Some believed Adi Samkara (Śaṅkarācārya) was rather a seudo-Buddhist.
• Yet his work is precisely sarvāstivādi, only the names are different:

[Bhajan & Kirtan Library:] Sankaracarya is supposed to be an impersonalist who preached impersonalism, impersonal Brahman, but it is a fact that he is a covered personalist. In his commentary on the Bhagavad-gita he wrote, "Narayana, the Supreme Personality of Godhead, is beyond this cosmic manifestation." And then again he confirmed, "That Supreme Personality of Godhead, Narayana, is Krsna. He has come as the son of Devaki and Vasudeva." He particularly mentioned the names of His father and mother. So Krsna is accepted as the Supreme Personality of Godhead by all transcendentalists. There is no doubt about it."[Sri Isopanisad, Introduction]

Svabhāva in Mahayana & Indian Religions

[Breakthrough Sermon (Bodhidharma):] Our buddha-nature [buddha-svabhāva/buddha self-nature] is awareness: to be aware and to make others aware. To realize awareness is liberation [...] The Sutra of the Ten Stages [Lankavatara] says, “In the body of mortals is the indestructible buddha-nature.
[Svabhāva (Wisdom Library)] Shaivism: [verse 9.5-11, while explaining the universality of Amṛteśa]—“Amṛteśa is supreme. He is free of disease. His nature is inherent (svabhāva), fully enumerated, constant, eternal, and immovable. [He has] no form or color, and is the highest truth. Because of that, he is omnipresent. The splendid Deva delights in all āgamas, pervades all mantras, and grants all siddhis. In this way, he is like a transparent crystal sewn onto a colored thread, always reflected with its color, [and] seeking [to] look like this and that. [...]”.
The Great Void (Emptiness) of Shaktism [Shakta and Shakti (Usha Chatterji):] Her own dark form is the Void (Shunya). As Digambari she is naked, but Her nakedness is space itself. "The series of universes appear and disappear with the opening and shutting of Her eyes". The Mother's play or this cosmic manifestation is a continual process of creation, maintenance and dissolution, usually symbolised by the Hindu Trinity, Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva. [Studies in Comparative Religion, Vol. 2, No. 4 (Autumn, 1968)]

• A concept of svabhāva is shared among Breakthrough Sermon, Shaivism and Shaktism.
• Lankavatara's original Tathagata corresponds with Siva (Shaivism).
• Lotus and Shaktim share the emptiness/void concept.
• Her nakedness is space itself: A Sarvastivādi asankhata (asaṁskrṭa) is space (Ākāśa).

[Lotus Chapter 5:] ultimate Nirvana which is constantly still and extinct and which in the end returns to emptiness.

• Emptiness in that sense must be Ākāśa.

5.1.12. Atta-Suññatā

“voidness in formations” (saṅkhāra-suññatā) [...] and “voidness of self” (atta-suññatā) [...] variously classified in the Suññakathā of the Paṭisambhidāmagga. The “void mind-deliverance” (suññata-cetovimutti) is that connected with atta-suññatā (MN 43). [The Three Basic Facts of Existence: III — Egolessness (Anattā) Collected Essays, Buddhist Publication Society, Kandy, Sri Lanka, The Wheel Publication No. 202–204]

• atta-suññatā , f., emptiness as to soul;
• Atta is not svabhāva. The latter is shared among Indian religions that reject the anattavāda (Buddha-Sasanā).
• Mahayana replaced atta with svabhāva because Mahayana refused to follow anattavāda.

The knowledge of an arahant:

• all of the five Skandhas are equally empty of atta (me, mine, I).

[Dhammakiti (담마끼띠):] Unlike the theory of self-begetting mutation by Brahmanism which argues that many appear from one, the understanding of Buddhism may be the revelation of truth from many to one based on the theory of dependent origination [...] The word ‘emptiness’ is mentioned in many discourses of early Buddhism [Culasunnata-sutta, Mahasunnata-sutta, Majjhima Nikaya] [초기불교에 나타난 대승공관의 기초 -맛지마 니까야의 『소공경』 과 『대공경』을 중심으로-]

The knowledge of Avalokiteśvara:

• all of the five Skandhas are equally empty of svabhāva (self-nature).
• If Avalokiteśvara realised anicca, dukkha and anatta, he would become a noble person.

Ariya-Puggala: the Four 'Noble Ones'

• the Stream-winner (Sotāpanna),
• the Once-Returner (Sakadāgāmi),
• the Non-Returner (Anāgāmī),
• the Holy One (Arahat).

Anatta Dhamma: Non-being of I-being/soul

• Anatta (not-atta) - (the five aggregates are) not me, not mine; see Cula Rahula Sutta.
  • Me or mine occurs due to misperception.
  • Empty of atta (the I-satta, I-being or soul)
  • Satta: being, lifeform;

Sunna Sutta: Sunna is the knowledge of the Buddha and the arahants:

Insofar as it is empty of a self or of anything pertaining to a self: Thus it is said, Ānanda, that the world is empty.

• The Venerable Ānanda was then a sotapanna. He became an arahant on the eve of the first sangayana.

Anatta-lakkhana Sutta (The knowledge of the Buddha and arahants):

"Bhikkhus, [rūpa] is not-self.

• Rūpa: mahābhūta;
• Nāma: citta (viññāṇa) and cetasika (vedanā, saññā, saṅkhāra)

Atta-Suñña (Atta-Suññatā)

the Buddha, the Analyzer (Vibhajjavaadi), analyzed the so-called being, the sankhaara pu~nja, the heap of processes, into five ever-changing aggregates, and made it clear that there is nothing abiding, nothing eternally conserved, in this conflux of aggregates (khandhaa santati). [The Fact of Impermanence (Piyadassi Thera)]

• The Vibhajjavādi Buddha rejected everything that looks like indestructible buddha-svabhāva, Ālayavijñāna, etc.
  
• This book discusses "Atta-Suñña" in detail: The Path of Purification By Buddhaghosa (Page 529)
  

The purpose of this post is not only to serve as a reflective piece in regards to the war and what led up to it but to detail the likely political outcomes that will arise following an (almost certain) Israeli victory, as well as to suggest measures and positions I think people should take that would result in the best outcomes for humanity. Feel free to critique any of the points I bring up, preferably directly with quotations instead of going on tangents after skimming it.
As of writing this post, we are in the beginning stages of the Rafah offensive, an offensive which signals the closing period of the war following Hamas being ousted from power in large swaths of the Gaza Strip. ~1.3 million Palestinians are currently taking refuge in Rafah.
For years many people observing the conflict have warned against irredentism and irredentist policies as a flame to the fire of the conflict. It is objectively true that while Israel undoubtedly has the benefit of being the dominant power in the region, Jews make up either just under half or barely half of the people in the region from the river to the sea. Yet despite this, right-wing Israeli parties with explicitly irredentist wishes have repeatedly won elections in Israel both local and national for decades leading up to Bibi's nearly twenty-year term(s) with some brief stints in his reign. In spite of Israelis' "democratic" desires and their desire to maintain Israel as a Jewish-majority state, they are still very much pushing for their irredentist ideas, which, chiefly due to unfavorable demographics, find themselves at odds with ideas of democracy and maintaining the Jewish character or Jewish majority of Israel. In essence, Jews essentially need no more than a "comfortable" minority of enfranchised Arabs in their state, so that they are able to sustain a Jewish political majority and keep democratic processes intact. This concept of what certain % of Arabs in a Jewish state should be a worry was well explained by Ben Gurion himself:
"Addressing the Central Committee of the Histadrut (the Eretz Israel Workers Party) days after the UN vote to partition Palestine, Ben-Gurion expressed his apprehension, stating:
"the total population of the Jewish State at the time of its establishment will be about one million, including almost 40% non-Jews. Such a [population] composition does not provide a stable basis for a Jewish State. This [demographic] fact must be viewed in all its clarity and acuteness. With such a [population] composition, there cannot even be absolute certainty that control will remain in the hands of the Jewish majority... There can be no stable and strong Jewish state so long as it has a Jewish majority of only 60%.[130]"
How do they accomplish their irredentist desires to the best of their abilities while maintaining a Jewish-majority state that they (the Jews, with a 'comfortable' minority of Arabs) can vote for democratically? I like this passage from an interview with Ilan Pappe that explains what occurred following the Six Day War, though I also like this comment which explains the options presented to them well:
"Democratic Zionism hinges on a Jewish majority and full rights for minorities. Territorial expansion is poison: The moment Israel conquered enough land that Jews were a minority in the territory it controlled, the Jewish political majority can only be sustained artificially through the disenfranchisement and segregation or outright expulsion of the Arabs, aka apartheid and genocide. It's also self perpetuating because the people who managed to enrich themselves by dispossessing Palestinians of their land will want to hold on to their ill-gotten gains and will block-vote for fascist parties that perpetuate the occupation. Rather than surrender occupied land, irredentists would expel or exterminate the locals, and this way you get genocidal Kahanists as a mass movement."
While there was a "Naksa" in 1967 it wasn't large enough to counter these issues. As a result, Israelis opted for the perpetual disenfranchisement and in many ways segregation of Palestinians while simultaneously building and expanding Jewish settlements in the West Bank. In addition to this, following over two decades of the PLO's struggles against Israel culminating in the first intifada and subsequently the Oslo accords, Israel made use of the PA to function as the governing power of what can best be compared to Bantustans for Palestinians within Israeli-controlled territory. They are not independent in any meaningful capacity and have historically served the role of lapdogs for the Israeli government. Their function, aside from parading a veneer of Palestinian "autonomy" or pseudo-independence, is - whether by design or by default - to serve as a pain reliever for the Israeli government against accusations of disenfranchisement and apartheid, the P.A's faux authority over Palestinians is regularly brought up as a means of ignoring the state of affairs which in effect is a system of apartheid against Palestinians. Essentially people often like to separate the PA-controlled areas enough from Israel so far that they compare them to say Canada and the United States in an attempt to absolve Israel of its oppressive domination over Palestinians and all the negatives that come with it. There's a reason comparing border checkpoints on the U.S-Canada border and checkpoints in the West Bank doesn't work. There's a reason Israel's "border wall" is unique from other border walls around the world. Of course how the P.A came to be is more complex than this but this is the role they serve in reality. For the same reason the existence of Bantustans for black South Africans excluding them from the political system did not serve as a meaningful justification for the state of affairs they were forced to endure, the Bantustans Palestinians currently have is not enough to dissuade all accusations of apartheid against the Israeli government. Israelis still directly govern hundreds of thousands of Palestinians in Area C and they still indirectly govern millions of Palestinians in Areas A and B of the West Bank, not only by holding unyielding power over the P.A, punishing them whenever they are too out of line (more recent example here), but in effect Israel controls virtually every aspect of Palestinian society and even basic means of how and when they can travel outside of their tiny Bantustans or enclaves and to where. For some people who've seen my other comments, this might sound like I'm a broken record but it's important I get the point across. What does this "state of affairs" entail?
Well for many years settler violence has undoubtedly been a problem Palestinians faced. More often than not when it is brought up in official and non-official capacities people trivialize the settlers and their backers, underestimating them as a fringe subgroup in Israeli society. This cannot be further from the truth. If you are interested in learning about how fundamental the settlement movement is within the Israeli government, some of the inequalities Palestinians face, and who exactly they target aside from Palestinians here is an excellent piece by the New York Times comprehensively covering the history of the settlement movement and how they have so stringently permeated Israeli political culture. Please pay attention to what they wrote and try to read the entire thing instead of skimming it, it is well-written and informative.
As I've said above for many years now Israelis have repeatedly elected political parties stringently in favor of increased settlement of the West Bank and East Jerusalem, take Likud's charter for instance (Likud has been in power and the dominant party in Israel for the better part of two decades by now). I linked a comment of mine with the source highlighting the relevant bits due to character limits on posts, but feel free to read through the entire platform. This is precisely the platform Israelis have elected to represent their interests, although it must be stressed not all Israelis agree with these views, obviously. It is not a secret that Bibi and friends are expansionists to the depths of their soul, Bibi for instance has made an innumerable amount of public appearances and statements in favor of Israeli expansionism, settlements and annexations. On numerous occasions, he has pushed strongly for annexing portions of the West Bank before things like the Abraham Accords disrupted them. Now that you understand at least part of the significance of pro-settlement sentiment in Israeli politics, it shouldn't be hard to understand the aforementioned issue of settler violence. In a UN report from September 2023 prior to October 7th, it was revealed that settler violence has displaced over 1,100 Palestinians just since 2022 alone. Since October 7th the number of incidents of settler violence has increased. To use a more anecdotal example, I had this to say about a then-disbanded settlement near my family's village in the West Bank under the second quoted part, (can't copy-paste due to character limits for posts).
The Palestinians were compared to the KKK in that very thread, but this outpost was re-established the following year, and lo and behold I found this in the New York Times just a few months ago, please just read through the bits I highlighted in the article at least. In that same article a Jewish settler literally uses the “We’re here because God gave us this land in the Torah,” (his exact words) argument to justify the illegal outpost. Side note but this type of thing is precisely why people in general must take a stance on "personal" religion in matters even tangentially related to politics, under even the slightest bit of scrutiny it is anything but personal. It is instead in large part an arbitrary set of reactionary and hostile beliefs that one feels are immune from criticism which subsequently affects political discourse and leads them to break international law and/or commit heinous acts of violence as well as derail efforts to reach a peaceful resolution. Let's not delude ourselves into believing secular parties like Likud are any better but religious fanaticism is also a problem. Hopefully this puts the issue of settler violence more into perspective.
Some of the more common occurrences that have been occurring for a while and that I've been complaining about include Israeli authorities engaging in beating (including of little kids) Palestinians, kidnapping Palestinians often arbitrarily, including innocent Palestinians, torture, and murder, including of little kids (another example) and regularly, theft both big and small, and often arbitrarily engaging in the destruction of property (desecration of Shireen Abu Akleh's memorial, destroying roads, pretty much any and all national memorials) as well as desecration of mosques (Exhibit A) (Exhibit B), administrative detention and keeping countless Palestinians imprisoned without a right to trial, and you get the point. This is just in the West Bank. Any attempt to respond to these actions is met with what is quite clearly articulated here and here. Any Jew from anywhere around the world can move to settlements in the West Bank sometimes specifically made for immigrants where they're then able to vote and live under civilian law/rule while their Palestinian counterparts are disenfranchised and living under military rule. Palestinians are banned from obtaining legal permits to build anything in the overwhelming majority of the West Bank, whereas settlers routinely build settlements on land stolen or expropriated from Palestinian localities or privately owned Palestinian land, only to have their outposts and settlements legalized and expanded, as was the case with numerous outposts that were 'legalized', like Homesh, which is the focus of the article I linked above.
This state of affairs simply isn't sustainable for Palestinians. The kleptocratic Palestinian authority and all the major players in the Arab league have time and time again offered a two-state solution with East Jerusalem as its capital and Shtayyeh even called for it to be demilitarized with land swaps. The issue is that no matter how "liberal" Palestinians are, or to what extent they increase or decrease terrorism, Israelis simply see their domination over the West Bank the best, most safe and comfortable option. As Ilan Pappe explains:
"In 1967, the government treated the West Bank and the Gaza Strip as a natural part of “Eretz Israel,” the land of Israel, and this attitude has continued ever since. When you look at the debate between the right- and left-wing parties in Israel on this issue, their disagreements have been about how to achieve this goal, not about its validity."
I and other people far smarter and more knowledgeable than I am have already anticipated every security concern that could come out of a Palestinian state and they are pretty much all solvable, whether it be by demilitarization, land swaps, ensuring cooperation, some limited troop presence or a combination of all these things and more. It's the irredentism amongst Israelis, sprinkled with religio-historical fetishism also coupled with the resources (including but not limited to groundwater) present in the West Bank that simply makes it seem like holding on to such a large chunk of an important territory is worth all the disenfranchisement, oppression and humiliation Palestinians have to face, only perpetuating the conflict.
As far as they (by they I mean Israeli irredentists) are concerned, a few Palestinian lives being taken every year is a small price to pay for the West Bank, "mowing the grass" in Gaza every now and then isn't ideal for them, while there's a lot they'd like to change, they know they simply can't ethnically cleanse or genocide Palestinians, therefore they can essentially just wait the Palestinians out, solidify their control via settlements, Olim (or jewish immigrants) and later annexations and no one can stop them. Even the United States and a plethora of the world's nations had already begun to recognize Israel's "right" to annex East Jerusalem. Same with the Golan heights which was annexed even with the approval of "leftist" Israeli parties. As far as they're concerned they could replicate the situation with the Golan heights and East Jerusalem in parts of the West Bank leaving behind enclaves for Palestinians until those inevitably fall under Israeli control as well.
This technique of slow death simply was not accepted by Palestinians. Like any other group of people, when faced with the situation they faced in the West Bank they took up a long-winded campaign of guerilla warfare. Do not mistake this statement with me saying every instance of violence by Palestinians can be excused because of this, absolutely not. The massacres on October 7th do not fall under the umbrella of justified violence/resistance against the occupation. But Palestinians in large part did carry out genuine methods of counter-attacks against their oppressors or soldiers/militants/combatants in the West Bank. The Palestinians weren't so complacent to the plans of Israelis to have them continually locked in within a grey area or kept in limbo until Israel was comfortable with it's majority enough to annex some more land. It is not reasonable to value the comfort of the Israeli state in it's irredentist ventures against Palestinians naturally having to react to their frustrating state of limbo. This limbo and statelessness excludes Palestinians from basic human experiences as a dignified people other people often take for granted and keeps them in a perpetual state of oppression.
It must be stressed, though, that Israelis misusing the amount of power they have to reach a peaceful resolution does not mean we as Palestinians don't also need to work with them, we absolutely do.
Above my focus has mostly been on the West Bank, now I am shifting to the Gaza Strip. If you thought what was above is bad, its nothing compared to what has been going on in the Gaza Strip.
Following the Second Intifada Palestinians got a blank slate in the Gaza Strip but were still plagued by the plight of other Palestinians in the West Bank and East Jerusalem (as well as parts of the diaspora), the failure of secular Palestinian politics in granting Palestinians proper independence, coupled with growing Islamist influences following the failure of predominantly secular governments in the Six Day war and following conflicts led to Hamas and other Islamist groups like the PIJ gaining a pretty much never-ending reserve of frustrated Palestinian youth that they can recruit from. To the dismay of Palestinian parents for example in Nablus, which however is in the West Bank.
I have long believed that Hamas is an evil organization at its very core which is kept alive by the constant stream of (rightfully) frustrated Palestinians (and foreign funding from oppressive regimes like that of Iran) who Hamas and allied groups then use in order to follow their short-sighted policies of meaningless terrorism often including against Israeli civilians in Israel proper as a garbage alternative to striving for peace. Here is an exhaustive list of just some of their attacks you can sift through. Their carelessness for protecting Palestinian lives is highlighted by the fact that not a single bomb shelter was built for Palestinians in the Gaza Strip. Whether or not these bomb shelters don't exist as a result of their resources being used to build/develop Gaza's complex tunnel warfare system/other military installations/weapons or because as some theorize Hamas deliberately wants as many casualties as possible is mostly irrelevant, in all cases the bottom line is the same, these groups regularly drag the Gaza Strip as a whole into wars while Palestinians basically have nowhere to take shelter in. This degree of incompetence or as some theorize outright malice in protecting Palestinian lives also serves as a pain reliever for basically any and all civilian casualties that arise from Israeli strikes. When Israel committed that particularly terrible strike on the refugee camps in Rafah a few days ago that killed over 45 people (where there was a video of a beheaded baby being held) it was justified or noted by the IDF (and noticeably by a Saudi paper almost immediately, make of that what you will) that two Hamas officials were reportedly there who engaged in militancy against the IDF in the West Bank, before Bibi called the entire strike a mishap and a tragic mistake. Israelis are so used to killing dozens or hundreds of Palestinians in one fell swoop and having it justified since Hamas doesn't provide Palestinians with bomb shelters which covers up or casts a cloud of doubt over their strikes/operations that it still thinks this behavior is fine when Palestinians are decidedly in regions where they don't live/don't have access to bomb shelters. Israel warned civilians to move, but this seems pointless since militants (or rather anyone just tied to Hamas, who Israel also targets) could also move with them since they also obviously live amongst civilians. It feels like virtue signaling, as Hamas members can blend in with civilians and relocate as instructed. This makes the warnings ineffective. People with more expertise in this field can clarify this or correct any misconceptions I have.
Even if we were to say this claim about the officials isn't dubious the fact that no one accepts the same premise when rockets are fired at Tel Aviv or cities in Israel where military/governmental institutions and officials are located in or near shows some degree of double standards. As a matter of fact, There are a ridiculous amount of plaques (you can search some of them yourself here) dotted all over Israel commemorating buildings that were used as places to store weapons, train militants etc. while they were schools, religious buildings and hospitals by the Irgun, Lehi and Haganah. There is something deeply disturbing about the IDF publicly using Hamas' tactics of storing weapons or having command centers in or near civilian areas and infrastructure to justify killing thousands of civilians in the process when the IDF's emblem stems from their predecessor which did the exact same thing, yet they celebrate them and it's apparently only bad when Palestinians do it. Just to be clear I don't agree with the practice of shooting missiles at Israeli cities but having no problem with killing many civilians because one official or something might live in the same proximity to them strikes me as very wrong.
Yes, I am aware all forms of resistance are punished, functionally Israel does not care whether you are targeting Israeli civilians in Israel proper or violent Israeli settlers/combatants/soldiers in the West Bank, you will be arrested, tortured and imprisoned for the rest of your life if you are caught resisting Israel or attacking basically any Israelis in almost any capacity, that is if you somehow don't manage to get killed on the spot. In spite of all this we must still be aware that this is irrelevant to the fact that what Hamas did on October 7th is not only morally abhorrent to anybody with a soul, but is ultimately just a garbage policy even for us Palestinians and does not qualify as any meaningful form of "resistance". Some pro-Palestinians will unfortunately try to cherry-pick instances of militants going into homes and not harming the people there but sorry, this does nothing to placate the fact that Hamas and friends were involved in murdering civilians on a mass scale. I suspect people will accuse me of some form of "bothsidesism" but both Hamas and friends as well as Israel have demonstrated time and time again that they are fine with carrying out horrifying and murderous actions.
Israel's behavior in the Gaza Strip thus far has been nothing short of abhorrent. whether it be murdering elderly civilians (another example, and another example of murder), arbitrarily destroying civilian homes, infrastructure (including mosques as seen here and here), universities and schools, mass murdering Palestinians (Exhibit A), (Exhibit B), not to mention the mass graves and starvation as a weapon of war, you get the point. As you can see in many instances they voluntarily recorded and uploaded these things to social media. Israel is slowly but surely going to take power over millions of Palestinians in the Gaza Strip directly, they will be under direct Israeli rule, Israelis' responsibility if no deal is worked out where the P.A or something takes over and will remain very close to Israelis. Palestinians collectively know Israel isn't there to "save them from Hamas" as is portrayed on their Twitter accounts, this behavior and keeping them in concentration camps is a good way to ensure Palestinians remain entrenched in political violence against Israel, no one cares when Avichay Adraee speaking Arabic embarrasses himself on Tiktok and tries to disway Palestinians from becoming militants, treating Palestinians with humanity is the best way to ensure they don't regress into further political violence.
As this war has demonstrated Palestinians simply cannot afford to try and achieve ridiculously idealistic and unrealistic goals in the face of such a dominant superpower let alone using such animalistic violence. I am well acquainted with the extent of irredentism present in Palestinian society (both in Palestine and in the diaspora), while it can match that of Israelis, at the very least the corrupt kleptocratic P.A is the only genuine force in the region interested in a two-state solution. Even one-stater Palestinians have celebrated the recent recognition of Palestine as a state by Norway, Spain, Ireland and Jamaica (might be missing a few), which is a point to strengthen my camp's base as a means of proving we actually manage to get at least parts of our vision done. I understand Palestinians are frustrated with their state of affairs, and yes I am aware of the plethora of IDF soldiers present in the casualties of October 7th that are constantly referred to as innocent civilians including in the state of the union address, none of this does anything to justify raping women or killing kids. Hostage-taking is another issue, for many years hostages were used by Palestinians as a bargaining chip since they were crucial to freeing countless unlawfully imprisoned Palestinians, eventually, the hostages were returned to their families once again, no lives were taken and Palestinians advanced their quest for liberty, Hamas and friends simply are far too different from the Palestinian militants of old, they deliberately kidnapped children on top of all the murder, rape and destruction they put forward. I do not care that some of the hostages said they were treated well or weren't harmed, children are off-limits and their actions were not only pointless and detrimental to the Palestinian cause, but also downright evil.
Hamas and their allies are sure to be dealt a critical blow as a result of this war and their heinous actions, as is Bibi's government, what is going to unfold in the coming years, following this colossal and seismic shift in the political culture and what courses of action or positions are best to take? I'm not a political analyst so this part is going to be lackluster but thats fine because I want to generate discussion/critique about any part of this post.
As recent opinion polling would show, popularity for Bibi's government has been steadily declining following his re-election in 2022, initially mainly in response to Likud's plans for the judicial reform, and particularly following October 7th. Following the attacks on October 7th, the National Unity Alliance (made up of Gantz' blue and white, New Hope and independents) is leading the polls, though the inverse is slowly starting to come back true again. Now following October 7th, Gantz' party has formed a war cabinet with Likud, and Gantz was appointed as a minister without portfolio in the thirty-seventh government, led by Bibi. What does this mean for Israel's following elections? Well I don't know. I'm not being facetious here, it's just that Israel is notorious for having a metric crap ton of new parties that keep popping up and dissolving. Case in point, Yamina which existed for only three years, one of it's founders Bennet was the prime minister of Israel briefly. Their politics are very volatile. What's important here is the data showing Bibi being dealt a critical blow. The plethora of protests against Bibi's government even before October 7th aren't an indicator that Bibi's political career will survive much longer. The ICC's warrants only make him and by extension his country more of pariahs, even if as some say Israelis would generally stand alongside Bibi against the ICC, there's no reason to keep digging the hole they're in by re-electing Bibi over and over given the security failure and judicial reform.
Palestinian polling is a little less interesting since they don't have elections and now is a bit of an awkward time to ask people for political opinions (at least ones they come to on a clear head) but here is a comment of mine going over some political polling a little while before Oct. 7. I suppose we'll have to wait until this war is over to see what Palestinians think the next course of action is best to take, right now they're obviously concerned with surviving the turmoil. Aside from Hamas' looming destruction, the situation in the West Bank can easily just stay the same until Abbas dies, if people don't bother interfering with his rule on a mass and organized scale.
People's opinions are generally malleable, whether it be from Israelis and Palestinians. In favor of a 2ss and against it. Both populations are notoriously quite stubborn but they are not aliens and the hope for a 2ss isn't completely lost.
I'll talk a bit about the United States, given that they've been bankrolling this thing on a mass scale. Now I love the United States as a country for a number of different reasons, but I will not delude myself into believing they had anything resembling a right or coherent policy.
I don't think anyone needs an explainer as to how pro-Israel Trump is, but it's possible people aren't exactly familiar with Biden's history regarding Israel:
"In 1982, shortly before Reagan bluntly ordered Begin to cease his ‘holocaust’ in Lebanon, a young US senator who revered Elie Wiesel as his great teacher met the Israeli prime minister. In Begin’s own stunned account of the meeting, the senator commended the Israeli war effort and boasted that he would have gone further, even if it meant killing women and children. Begin himself was taken aback by the words of the future US president, Joe Biden. ‘No, sir,’ he insisted. ‘According to our values, it is forbidden to hurt women and children, even in war ... This is a yardstick of human civilisation, not to hurt civilians.’" (https://tinyurl.com/352k8zna) (https://theintercept.com/2021/04/27/biden-israeli-invasion-lebanon/)
Glossing over the absolute hilarity of Begin of all people talking about not killing civilians or women and children, when the population has to choose between Trump or someone who said the above quite clearly as a conscious adult political figure you're looking at trouble. Biden even attended and spoke at Herut's (Menachem Begin's old party) Zionist for America convention. Today of course he has milquetoast Democratic Zionist takes and faux sympathy for Palestinians, but at his core he is still a politician who (very poorly) adapts to his voter base. I don't think this is surprising for a vast number of politically active Americans, Biden's lifeline as a politician is people looking at him as a lesser evil to Trump. This is hardly the biggest issue though, virtually all U.S senators are currently being bankrolled by pro-Israel lobbying groups like AIPAC, this is all public information (see list of recipients and the top contributor organizations). Likely as a result of this, for instance, the house recently passed a bill that expanded the definition of antisemitism to include the one from the IHRA, which includes "Denying the Jewish people their right to self-determination, e.g., by claiming that the existence of a State of Israel is a racist endeavor." as an example of antisemitism.
Apparently bringing up that Israel needs to uphold the Nakba to continue to exist is hate speech now. Even if it and other claims regarding racism of early Zionist leaders is backed up by innumerable quotations from Zionist and Israeli leaders. This trouble was amplified following the recent protests at U.S colleges and universities. Federal, state and local institutions, as well as countless violent mobs of provocateurs and citizens started a relentless spree of attacking protestors, shutting down protests, suspending students, and demonizing them. The liberal facade of these colleges fell apart when faced with the voice of the students at America's (and the world's) brightest and most well-known institutions. Snipers on the rooftops at colleges in place to target protestors and the violence we saw against students is simply unacceptable. This is nothing new. The same exact thing happened when they protested the Vietnam war, the Iraq war, etc. There was also a leaked audio call (apparently later they claimed it was public) from Jonathan Greenblatt who is the CEO/director of the ADL complaining about Tiktok (Confirmation by ADL themselves as real here). Soon after the house passes a bill banning TikTok. Also your nations' representatives shouldn't be signing missiles with "finish them" (another similar example), when those same missiles can result in the killing of many civilians and children in the process even if military targets are said to be the focus. Like even if the strike was going to target a legit horrible person or terrorist but it would have a number of civilian casualties, making a joke out of it or signing the missiles is not normal behavior. Perhaps for politicians it is. Otherwise you'd need to get checked for signs of sociopathy or something. Thankfully Americans are generally more than aware of how absurd stuff like this is. I'm not even gonna touch on some proposals from U.S representatives to essentially ethnically cleanse Gaza.
I don't think people are naive enough to believe there will be a warm peace between Israelis and Palestinians, however, that is irrelevant since what's needed is a cold but functioning peace and its up to reasonable people to spread the word that their interests generally lie in a two-state solution. As we have demonstrated above militancy in disgusting forms as it has been shown by Hamas when it is not needed is not only evil but a hurdle to the cause and as we have shown above so long as you consistently keep trying to further oppress Palestinians the evil that is inflicted upon them will undoubtedly fall upon your heads as well, i.e “A nation cannot be free and at the same time continue to oppress other nations.” either by only flaming the fire of terrorism and political violence by frustrated Palestinians or by autocrats like Bibi choosing to keep expanding their gains.
What Needs to happen?

1. First and foremost Israelis need to keep up the momentum against Bibi and friends based not only on their stints with corruption and aspiring dictatorial rule but also their security failures. I don't really care that Israelis are Zionists or whatever and I am not expecting them to chant "from the river to the sea", in fact I think that would be a hindrance. At a minimum push for some degree of humility amongst Israelis that lets them self-reflect upon their choices and policies on Palestinians thus far. While the press is not free for Palestinians under Israeli rule it's quite free for Israelis themselves to push this forward. Perhaps under a new government don't pull your ambassadors from countries who choose to recognize a Palestinian state and don't have your representatives at the UN pull childish stunts comparing awarding Palestine with just more privileges, not full-fledged membership, with "rewarding modern-day Nazis". We can start there. Hamas is not being rewarded with anything but an existential war they're losing with tens of thousands of Palestinian deaths in the Gaza Strip. Not only is the Israeli right detrimental to Palestinians but these right-wing parties, particularly the religious parties, are unironically and openly striving to turn Israel into a halachic and authoritarian state with the Israelis getting the short end of the stick as well. If I was an Israeli I wouldn't even vote for them, I know I talk a lot about Israel's pseudo-democracy in reference to their treatment of Palestinians, but these people are genuinely trying to undermine whatever democracy is left for Jews as well, they are aspiring dictators who regularly and openly talking about how they would use the judicial reform to target certain political opponents. And by Israelis here I mean Arab Israelis as well. It is well known that a large number of Arab Israelis simply boycotted the last elections, In 2022 only 53.2% of arab-israelis took part in the elections. This is simply stupid, use your privilege not only to improve your situation in Israel and help elect non-right-wing parties (since your communities are plagued with issues like organized crime last I heard,. and you are getting stepped over every other day for social media posts.) but also be a voice for the Palestinians.
2. In concert with the movements above, Palestinians need to abandon virtually all forms of irredentism, if putting pressure on Abbas to hold elections doesn't work and if he somehow doesn't die soon, exerting overwhelming pressure on his clique and subsequently deposing him after formulating a rational party and re-amplifying voices of reasonable people like Salam Fayyad is a good move, I don't like pretending to be an armchair general or trying to "plan" or really propose coup d'etats but him and his clique are essentially parasites on Palestinians so any thought that goes into ending their rule is good. I am not happy about your grandparents' sufferings as a result of the Nakba, nor am I asking you to love Israel. What I am asking is for people to acknowledge that your best interests lie in a two state solution. A ton of Palestinians and pro-Palestinians celebrated the recent recognition of Palestine as a state by some countries, want more of this, with all that it entails more permanently? Salvaging what's left of Palestine is the best option. Everybody and their mother already knows the cost of Hamas' carelessness. While yes, Palestinian oppression didn't start on October 7th, this war certainly did.
3. People in the West, I suppose just use your voting power to vote for candidates who can advance your country, not that of foreign nations' wars over its own via necessarily shilling tax dollars on them, as well as people who believe in maintaining a peaceful resolution over expansionism.

*Throw-away account*
This might be pretty long winded, but I feel that for everyone to really understand the whole story, I have to share the WHOLE. STORY. Hoping to receive some good advice to clear my mind about the whole matter.

For some back story:
I have this friend, let’s call her Anna (23F). I met her 1.5 years ago when I moved in with her boyfriend and some of his friends. This was all very wholesome – I'm not that girl. I was in a tough spot trying to find somewhere to live, and they needed a roommate. I asked her before moving in if it was okay, and she was very cool with the idea.
At the time of me moving in I didn’t know her very well, but we very quickly became best friends. While I was living there, her boyfriend – let's call him Mark (23M) - emotionally cheated on Anna and broke up with her. This was a bit of a messy situation, since I was good friends with both of them. They got through it, I was able to support them both through it all without angering either one of them, and they were able to come out of it as friends.
One thing I also think is important to note as some background info is that Mark and Anna are totally fine in their friendship to this day, but this brings up some issues as well. They started sleeping together again pretty shortly after the break-up and it's been an ongoing thing since (to each their own, I'm not judging). The one thing I find slightly relevant is that whenever our friend group goes out to the bar, if Mark shows up, Anna's attention turns entirely to him, and vice versa with him to her. He flirts with her openly, and she flirts right back. After a night out, Anna would often bring up that Mark is quite flirty with her and that she wonders if he regrets messing things up with her. This kind of got on my nerves because it seemed as though she wasn't acknowledging that she was flirting back. I've brought this up to her and she insists that she's not flirting, she's just being nice. In these moments I've agreed with her, thinking that if she isn't intending to flirt, and is truly just being kind, then I guess it's not flirting (even though it seemed very much like flirting. Like, eyes on each other, no one else exists for the entire evening, just them type vibes).
Anna is a very kind person. She's very bubbly and outgoing. In the short time I’ve known her she’s never immediately judged a person based on appearances alone. She's the type of person who would accept a drink and a dance from a 3/10 at the bar, even though she's tall and gorgeous and a 12/10, to put it bluntly. Another thing I learned about Anna, at least from my perspective, is that she loves being the center of attention. She tends to be loud and very involved with everyone all at once. This is cute and charming most of the time, as she's always checking in on, vibing with, and involved with everyone at the function. It has started to get on my nerves here and there, but that’s my own problem, I know. I'm also quite bubbly and high-energy, but my social battery runs out from time to time, and the loud speaking and constant attention becomes a bit draining. Anna tends to be oblivious to social queues. She doesn’t seem to notice when someone is drained and doesn’t realize she should give them space. I should communicate this, I know, so I don't blame her for me being emotionally spent from time to time.

Now to the present.
Anna and I became very close with two other girls from our friend group, and we became a bit of a little “squad”, if you will. Our city's hockey team is in round 3 of the NHL play offs, and we've been attending "watch parties" that our city puts on. Nearly every watch party, it's been a blast.
Flash forward to last weekend. I matched with a guy on a dating app, let’s call him Gregg (24M), and we've been talking for nearly two months. Nothing super in depth, but we've been hitting it off it seems. I messaged him the other day while the girls and I were getting ready to head out to a watch party and asked if he was going. He said he was! One of my friends (can't recall who) asked if he was coming with any single friends. I asked and he said he had two friends who were "single and horny." Wonderful. There's three of us, three of them (our fourth friend moved to another city RIP). My two friends even went as far as to check out the snap he sent and pick between his two friends he took a selfie with. I will note here that both my friends commented on how HOT this guy that I'm talking to is, but they choose which of his friends they'll focus on for the evening either way.
We get to the watch party and grab a table and they meet us soon after. Things are going well at first. Gregg is laying the moves and I'm loving it. Then things start to turn. We all get a bit tipsy. He's a very loud and outgoing person, I'm learning quickly. I am too, so that's not too big of an issue. Then he starts making flirty comments to both of my friends, and I start realizing this guy is a player. But the liquor is flowing and I’m ignoring these red flags hardcore. This is when Anna starts warming up to these three strangers that have joined us, and is starting to become her usual, attention grabbing, high-energy happy self.
Where things turn is when Anna mentions that she has no gag reflex. She mentions this loudly, and Gregg turns all his attention to her, mentioning how that's hot. Gregg has commented multiple times at this point on how horny he is - usually directed to the group, but I have been taking this as a nudge at me, since we had had conversations that have gotten a bit hot and heavy over snapchat in the weeks prior. Yes, I did find it a bit obnoxious that he was shouting this to the group when he just met the three of us, and him and I had an online "thing" for weeks. I just brushed it off and decided to live in a fantasy land where these red flags don’t exist (I'm a dumb bitch I know). I'm bothered in the moment by Anna's gag reflex comment but play if off as her being oblivious or just seeking attention, and think to myself that she wouldn't openly flirt with the guy I like. Throughout the evening she proceeds being her usual chatty self, but it seems to me like her attention is turned mainly to Gregg. It's rubbing me the wrong way, but in her defense, he is being loud and outgoing and what is she supposed to do? Ignore him? Except I start thinking about how my other friend isn't entertaining Gregg's flirty comments and is still staying a part of the conversation all the same. So I am getting bothered by the way she’s acting. This isn’t to say he’s done nothing wrong. He’s being the worst, but I expect more from my best friend, y’know?
At one point during the evening Gregg bumps Anna's two-week-old piercing and she cries out that it hurt. For some reason he chooses to bump it again, and she yells at him (in an astonished, funny way, not an angry way). He apologizes and tries to convince her to hit him back. They go back and forth about how she won't hit him, and he insists she does. More flirting, me getting increasingly bothered.
Later Gregg asks the group about anal, and who's tried it. Anna replies (almost too eagerly) about how she's done a lot of anal. I make a joke about how I've never done it and how that's a husband privilege in my books. Gregg's attention is entirely on Anna at this point, as it has been for a lot of the evening, and she seems to be loving it. She replies eagerly to everything he says, and he does the same for her. I’m feeling very hurt at this point by the way Anna is entertaining Gregg when it's obvious that he's been flirting with her. I can't help but think that if the roles were reversed, I'd reply to her man's attempts at flirting very dryly, or not at all. But then I remember that in Anna's eyes, she's just being nice.
After the game we all go back to my friend's house. At this point I am quite frustrated by the lack of attention I'm receiving from Gregg, and hurt that Anna seems to be inviting his attention without hesitation. I'm stewing over the fact that Anna seems more interested in my man than she does in the one she said she though was cute from the photo. Throughout the evening she had mentioned how cute and funny Gregg's friend was, and yet seemed to give Gregg all her attention, and his friend the scraps.
I then decided to take matters into my own hands. I chose not to pull Anna aside and hash out how I'm feeling, as I believed there was a deeper conversation to be had. I could see her responding the same way she did when I mentioned that she was flirting with her ex, Mark. "I'm not flirting I'm just being nice." I didn't want to fight about it in the middle of a party, so instead I invite Gregg to the bathroom hoping to get a lil' makeout sesh (oooOOoo). We enter the bathroom and as I'm closing the door Anna busts in, despite me trying to close the door, and directs Gregg to leave the bathroom. I'm saying "No, Anna. No, Gregg, stay. Anna, out." But she proceeds to shove him out, close, and lock the door. At this point I boil over. I shout, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" and Anna looks startled. I yell about how I'm obviously trying to get a moment alone with the guy, what made you decide to bust in and push him out. She yells back "DON"T SHOUT AT ME!" A couple more words may have been spoken, I can't recall, but then she leaves, and Gregg comes back in. We do our thing, then he leaves, and Anna comes back in. I apologize for shouting, and we hug. She apologizes for busting in, and says "I can be so oblivious, you have to lay it out for me!" I'm still bothered, mind you, but did not want to get into it tonight. I'm stewing the rest of the night about why she came into the bathroom. Was she trying to get back in Gregg's eye? Was she trying to keep me from having alone time with him? Is she that in need of attention? Or was she truly just oblivious?
The night ends with Gregg and I sharing a bed in a private room. He tries to initiate s*x with me, but I tell him no, since I wasn't very impressed with him at that point (but I have not portrayed any signs of this to him). The next morning as I'm leaving for work, everyone is hanging out in the living room (part-timers). Gregg comes into the bathroom while I'm changing and gives my butt a slap. Seems like he's still into me.
At work that day I received a message from Anna in the girls group chat about how Gregg messaged her and apologized for hitting her piercing. She goes on about how it's so sweet that he apologized, and about how funny that was the night before. The second I see this I get this bad feeling in my gut. I've never brought a guy I wasn't already exclusive with around Anna before, so I had nothing to go off of, but my gut told me that he was going to keep messaging her. I couldn't blame her for this - it's blatantly clear at this point that this guy is a mega flirt. What I felt so uneasy about is that I knew deep down that Anna was going to reply and hold a conversation with the guy. I knew deep down that she would flirt with him, but then if I were to ever find out, she would backpedal and say she's just being nice. I vented to some other friends about my worries, and they confirmed to me that I wasn't crazy, and that this was not okay for a friend to do. I intended to call her up one of the days following and chat with her about my frustrations from that night, but she beat me to it.
She texted me today, three days after the watch party night, and asked if she could call me to “tell me a story.” I knew immediately that it probably had something to do with Gregg. We get on the phone, and she starts the conversation by asking where my head is at with this Gregg guy. I answer that he seems like a flirt, but that we're still talking, and I would like to see where it goes. She then proceeds to tell me that he made moves on her and asked her out.
I am obviously hurt at this point and trying to decide how to proceed. She was vocal at the watch party, and earlier when I'd show my friends photos of this guy, that she thought he was so hot.
She goes on over the phone about how Gregg played it like him and I weren't pursuing anything serious, and how she wasn't sure if he was telling the truth and she wanted to see where my head was at. She's begun playing if off like she's letting me know for my own good that this guy is a player and not good for me. I'm not sure at this point if I believe her. I feel like, based on the way she started the conversation, if I had told her he means nothing to me she would have asked if it would be okay if she went out with him. I feel like she's not being totally honest with me.
I decided to test the waters by asking her to send me screenshots of the conversation. The first time I ask she hesitates, then says she would read the convo to me. I can tell based on the way she's reading it that she's leaving things out. Our conversation continues, and she mentions that if I'm not serious about him, he would be fun to have around the friend group, and that we could introduce him to the guys. I tell her that he doesn't deserve to meet our friends.
I eventually ask a second time for her to send the screenshots to me. She expressed that she's hesitant to send me the screenshots, because last time a guy flirted with her and a friend of hers at the same time, she sent the screenshots and her friend sent them to the guy and there was a lot of unnecessary drama. She asks if I'll send them to him and I tell her that I don't know how I'm going to proceed yet. All I know is that I'm hurt. I did like this guy, and after the shit show of the weekend, he seemed like he liked me too (once again, I’m a dumb bitch). She moves on from the screenshots and we continue chatting.
I finally pull the trigger and mention that I was bothered by the way she was acting that evening. I mention that she's talking to the guy I like about how she has no gag reflex, and about how she loves anal. She counters by saying that she said the gag reflex thing to Gregg's friend, and that Gregg just happened to overhear. She defends the anal thing by saying that Gregg asked the whole group, so she just answered. I leave it at that because she was getting heated, and all I could focus on right now was making sure she was in the mood to send me those screenshots.
Finally, I ask for them a third time, "so that I can show my sister." I definitely know that something fishy is going on at this point. She finally says she'll send me the screen shots but asks me to "keep in mind that they may seem flirty, but I was trying to 'play detective' for you. I was trying to keep him replying so I could get evidence to show you later." I agree to keep that in mind and reassure her over and over again that I'm not mad at her, and that I'll read these screenshots with a grain of salt - lots of which wasn't true, I just HAD to get those screenshots (yes, I know, I gaslit her. Not a good look). She says she'll send them to me, and we get off the phone.
Then the screenshots get delivered. From the gate she is very friendly with the guy, even when his first couple messages include winky faces and flirtatious jabs. Then her messages start including winky faces and the flirty works. I'm reading these just completely bewildered that she would ever think this would pass as "playing detective on my part." I also started realizing that these messages are over Instagram, meaning that if someone were to delete a message from the chat, it leaves no indication of such. I'm beyond angry and hurt at this point, reading messages from him saying that he wished he could've been making the moves on her all evening over me. She asks Gregg what the deal is with him and I, he says we were just fooling around and that there's no future there. He asks what she's looking for, they agree that they're both not looking for a relationship, but if it happens it happens. Lots of smiley faces and winky faces exchanged.
The screenshots end and Anna texts me saying he asked to hang out this weekend, and she quotes what she said back. “(My Name)’s my girl and I don’t feel like you’re being honest in saying there’s nothing goin on between yall, or at least you haven’t had that conversation with her.” I'm wary of this because rather than sending me the screenshot, she chose to type out what she said. I don't reply as I'm processing everything, and she messages me again giving him the benefit of the doubt as a single guy, not tied down to anything, but admits it was scummy to go after two girls who are friends.
At this point I'm considering a couple things; (1.) how she started the conversation by asking me how I felt about him, (2.) how she wouldn't send the screenshots the first two times I asked, but finally did under the guise of "playing detective" for me, and (3.) how she was afraid I would send him the screenshots. I'm realizing as I consider these things that I believe she wasn't at all "playing detective" for me, because she would've started the whole entire phone call in a much different tune if the goal of her messaging him was to get proof that he was a bad guy, and I should leave him. Then I realize that she probably doesn't want me to send him the screenshots because she likes him, and might intend to keep chatting with him, and me sending the screenshots might sabotage that. So out of anger I message him "You couldn't f*ck me, so you turned to hitting on my friend instead hey?" He opens the message and right as he does, I send him the screenshot of Anna's message stating that she was "playing detective" for me, and just acting flirty to keep him messaging. I send this screenshot with the caption "just so you know." This was a c*nty move on my part for sure, but I was fueled by anger. In the process I realize that he might tell her that I sent that, then I realize that this is a good thing. If she gets angry at me for sending that, then I'll know what her true intentions are.
And she did. She did get mad.
I knew if I got into it with her right now, being as angry as I am, I would say some pretty nasty things. So, I tell her I need time. She asks if we're not okay, and I tell her "Not really, I just need time." She then tells me it's unfair to leave her hanging on the idea that we're not okay without telling her why. This is when she adds to the message "I also didn't realize our text conversations would be shared with others." And I know that Gregg has informed her of the screenshot I sent. I simply reply to that message with "so you're still talking to him hey?" She says she just told him that we spoke about things. She calls me out for disrespecting her by sending the screenshot of her message, and I tell her that if she was truly on my side through all this she wouldn't care if he knew that she was "playing detective" or not. She would be sending me screenshots with laughing emojis. She says that she's not upset about him knowing, she just thinks sending the screenshot is unnecessary. She proceeds to say she cares about our friendship more than any man and she's sorry if she's hurt me.
This is where I might be the asshole. Maybe it's the accumulation of me being bothered by her seeking attention in any social setting, maybe it's because I sat on my concerns about how she was acting around Gregg for a couple days too long, but I feel entirely uninterested in continuing this friendship. I had a friend who did the same thing a lot in high school. I would like a guy, she would begin messaging him, I would find out later and she would make excuses for being flirty. Maybe I have trust issues surrounding that. I know if we sat down, we could probably work this out, but I'm just so bothered at the idea that she's not being entirely truthful, and I feel like all trust has been lost in this relationship. Am I the asshole for not wanting to continue this even though a resolution could be reached? I need advice!!

Sorry for the huge story, and thanks for reading if you’ve made it this far!

Okie-dokes, so when I comment on someone else's stuff, I cover up semi-relevant text as a courtesy to people who have any neurodivergence that makes reading more tedious. A lot of info is lost if they skip the covered-up parts, but since I'm usually tryna help somebody, I'd rather they skim it than skip it.
This is a post on my own account (not a subreddit), so I wouldn't normally do that, but it was originally a comment. The post got comment locked before I finished it. I just copy/pasted it. And you gotta add HTML stuff to cover up the text. It's a pain in the ass (worth it if I'm catering to someone else, but this is my own post and it's important to me) so I'm not gonna go through it and remove all that stuff.
So basically some is gonna be stuff covered up but there's no significance to it.

This is the harshest truth I've learned in life. Learning it didn't make me stronger. Learning it made my heart bleed. Acknowledging that if I want to do good, I have to adapt to it. That is what made me strong.

In a nutshell, and in my own words -

This world is on fire. But most people's minds are so toxic, and their actions are so incendiary that the heat and fumes flourish. Only the light is considered a problem.

If anyone doesn't get it, it's a metaphor.
NOT in a nutshell -
The fire refers to suffering. So many people being harmed and dying from the most easily avoidable things. The heat scorches. The fumes choke. But the light illuminates, and that's supposed to be a good thing. But with this world in its current state, the light is considered bad.
Toxic minds refers mostly to the Dark Tetrad (the four darkest most harmful traits a person can possibly have) Psychopathy, Machiavellism, narcissism, and sadism. But it encompasses all harmful thought processes. Everything that's bad for the world as whole.
To clarify, when I say sadism, I don't mean "Find a masochist and hit them", sadism. That's harmless. It isn't true suffering if the person likes it. BDSM never hurt anyone. People who use the practices in harmful ways hurt people. In the Dark Tetrad, sadism refers to taking pleasure in causing/witnessing true suffering. To someone who's like this, BDSM does nothing. It has to be real. Crying isn't enough when they know the person likes to cry. Bleeding isn't enough if they know person likes to bleed, etc. True suffering cannot be simulated without the placebo effect. If someone gets off on "torturing" people who they know enjoy it, that's kinky sadism. Not true sadism. Don't demonize that person. They're doing nothing wrong. Don't tell them they're not a sadist, because gatekeeping is wrong and they may like the word, but don't rope them in with people who cause true suffering.
To clarify, when I say "narcissism", I don't mean the kind of shit you hear about on social media. That's narcissistic tendencies. There's a significant of difference. Stop throwing that word around like it's nothing. Narcissistic tendencies are very common (that doesn't make them okay. Far from it.) Actual diagnosed textbook narcissism is not. To make it relatable to a lot of people, for example if you step on a cockroach just hard enough to kill it and then throw it in the trash, that's what most people do. But if you stomp it like it's a crawling zombie's head and smear it all over the floor like a rag when you clean the floor, someone might say "That seemed sadistic." and they would have a point. From the outside in it looked more like you hated it than you just wanted to get rid of it. But even if for whatever reason you hated cockroaches that much, yes it was a sadistic thing to do, but that wouldn't make you a sadist. A sadistic tendency is not the same as sadism. Narcissistic tendencies are toxic but they are different from narcissism. This applies to all negative traits. You can do something that (bad type of person) would do, but that doesn't make you one of them. To be one of them you have to be like that all the time.
Okay done clarifying words and continuing with the metaphor.
Still on toxic minds
Most people only care about those they know and like. If they think someone is not in a position to help or harm them, they just don't matter. It doesn't matter if they live or die. And yes, it's true that with enough effort anyone can harm anyone, and anyone can help anyone. But it is often clear when the effort level required would be impractical, and that most people wouldn't want the result enough to try that hard.
Most people don't know what morality is. They never did. And if they do know, they don't care. They still pretend they don't, because being honest would undermine their hateful endeavors. They would have to look at themselves in the mirror and acknowledge who they really are. It would be devastating. The purpose of morality is supposed to be the wellbeing of all living things. But the way it's being used is as a smokescreen to obscure actions being taken out of sheer hatred.
Most people are more upset by things they consider gross or cringe than things that legitimately cause quantifiable harm. All it takes to overlook genocide is "They attacked first. It's a war." War crimes are ignored and forgotten. Most people don't know what a war crime is. Most people don't even know there are rules in all warfare. Including international. They don't know what the Geneva Convention is. And they won't look into it.
But if they see anything that makes them feel uncomfortable enough, they consider it evil. It doesn't matter that there is no harm whatsoever being done to any living thing. All it has to be is freaky. Eat an eyeball or drink blood that came from someone who's already dead and gone (when you didn't kill them) That's evil. Why? How? Don't ask why or how. You shouldn't need to be told. You shouldn't even be able to ask that question. You're evil just for asking. You're evil for even wondering. Evil. Translation 👉 "I just don't like it, and evil is the most intense-sounding negative word I know. I'd rather make someone else feel like a monster than let myself feel awkward."
Incendiary actions represents destructive behavior.
Incendiary refers to fire. Fire doesn't just hit your target. Fire spreads. It causes collateral damage. Collateral damage means harm is being caused to people who have nothing to do with your conflict. That's not fair. You may have a legitimate reason hate a specific individual. There are things a person can do that are bad enough that it would be understandable to say "I don't care what happens to this person. If they died, I wouldn't care". But you should never stop caring about the world. Everyone in this world is connected, and the butterfly effect is indescribably powerful. When people are harmed, they become unhappy. Unhappy people cause harm. When you lash out at an individual, you don't just burn them. You burn everyone they're gonna be interacting with afterward. Technically it will be that person who burns the other people, but effectively it's you. "You are technically right. And that's the best kind of correct." is a belief held by people who care about arguments. Effective truth is more relevant than technical truth almost 100% of the time. That person spreads the fire. That's their decision. It may not have been on purpose, but they did it. But you set them on fire. And the more cruelty you showed them, the more they're sufferong, and the bigger the blaze is. At a certain point a person can't really move without that fire hitting something. There's too much. There wouldn't be any fire to spread if you hadn't done it. And the fire you spread to them probably came from someone else being cruel to you, so they are at fault too, but so are you. You should have snuffed the fire out.
A TRUE protector would consider that to be unacceptable. Inexcusable. A protector has only one true enemy. That enemy is danger itself. A protector understands that nothing in this world is wrong except harm. Whatever nullifies the danger and prevents further harm without collateral damage is the ideal method. No, it's not always that simple. It's usually not. We don't live in candy land. Sometimes you have to cause some harm to prevent a lot of harm. But if there is a method with no collateral damage, THAT'S the one a protector uses. A protector does not hate. A protector loves. A protector only harms if it will prevent a greater degree of harm. A protector PROTECTS.
A true protector understands that protecting the innocent is a higher priority than punishing the guilty. This is because the purpose of punishing the guilty is supposed to be protection of the innocent. It's supposed to be a deterrent so that that person will want to avoid being punished again, so they'll stop what they're doing. When done publicly, it is also a deterrent to people who only care about themselves. It's to show them that their emotional independence doesn't mean they can just do whatever they want, because harming others will lead to them being harmed themselves. And if they haven't done anything wrong yet, they had better continue to not do anything wrong. The purpose of punishment is not spite.
If you harm someone because of your negative feelings toward them (regardless of how legitimate your feelings are, or what they did to make you feel that way) that is spite. If it stops them from doing something harmful (to a living thing), that's protection. But if the only benefit that came from that harm is that it felt satisfying, you did not protect anyone. That was out of self-interest. You are not a protector. You are spiteful. Now, I'm no saint, and imo there are contexts where spite is understandable. Even excusable. But it's important to call things what they are. You can tell yourself that the situation warranted spite, but don't tell yourself you were being protective. That was for you. Nobody else.
Back to the metaphor.
Heat is the symptoms of the incendiary behavior. It's covered in the explanation of incendiary.
Fumes are the symptoms of the toxic minds. Like the heat, already explained.
Those two things are what should be considered the bad parts of the fire that's burning the world. This next part is what's being treated as the bad part.
THE LIGHT is family- UNfriendly truths. A family-unfriendly truth is knowledge born from tragedy that is bulletproof to a true protector, because they prioritize safety among everything else. But there are very few true protectors in this world. What most people call protection is just a facade. It's a charade. It's fake. It's how they get their conscience to take a smoke break at just the right moment for them to cause massive collateral damage out of sheer hatred, then get back to business as usual before the cigarette's out, and act like nothing happened.
To everyone else, THE LIGHT, these truths, are the worst thing in the world. They are completely unapproachable. They cannot even be looked at. Because they're just too upsetting to bear. A person would be putting themselves in harm's way just by acknowledging that any of it has merit. That's more trouble than most people are willing to go to to solve a problem that's society-wide and not exclusively their own. Everyone has their own people to worry about. Groups smaller than society, like their family. And like I said, fire spreads.
So if one person dares to come out of the dark and say "Are we SURE that this is evil? And even if it is, are we SURE we're handling this the right way? How much collateral damage are we causing? Are we only destroying the evil, or are we also destroying all the ground it touches? What if we're destroying the ground but not the evil? Do any of us even know how much evil we've destroyed? Or even how much there is? What the fuck are we doing??"
That person might get set on fire. And who's gonna be near them when they go home? The people they care about more than society. They're not being heartless by looking the other way. They're just being practical. If someone throws a brick at your car, you don't shield it with your baby. That's why most people won't speak up. Society is considered important to an extent to all people, but priorities must be kept in order. As long as there's that much risk in it, keep your head down. But if everyone who cared stepped into the light all at once, they'd find out that their ideas are not so weird. That the popular stuff they've wanted to call out is actually not very popular at all.
So yes, family unfriendly truths can be horrifically disgusting. But ya know what??? Nausea's not death. Our stomach is not our heart. Sometimes you need some pretty disgusting information to solve a disgusting problem. And if you can't even withstand THAT much discomfort yourself, forget about protecting anyone else. Stay in the shadows.
Hating is easier than asking. Harming is easier than understanding. The world is cruel and life is hard, and we can each only withstand so much. So sometimes doing what's easy is all we can manage. That's not evil. It's just a limitation of ability. There are more important things in the world than ability. Be that as it may, I'll tell you where I stand. (Bear in mind this is a new policy. Like right now new. If someone Scooby-Doo's me, my post/comment history will show what looks like hypocrisy)
From now on, (Friday, May 31st, 2024) I refuse to hate, and I refuse to harm. I have the best partner in the world by my side. That person is this world's redemption, and as long as I have that person, I'm indestructible. I will never retaliate against a personal attack again, as long as it is only personal. Because I know exactly who I am, and I love who I am. I am not insecure. I am unanimously loved among people who have enough information to make educated judgment. If I'm loved by those who know me, I shouldn't need to be liked by those who don't. Starting today, I no longer do. I am fulfilled. I am at peace. I am indestructible.
I am indestructible, but the world is on fire. If someone displays ideology that's causing collateral damage, I will attack the ideology. Not the person. And I won't be more impolite than I need to. Because no matter how bad that person is when they're doing that to me, if I make them even more unhappy, that fire will spread. It will spread to people who are more vulnerable than me. People who have done nothing to me. I'm never gonna contribute to this problem again.
One of my favorite quotes, that ive lived by since I first saw it, and now I'll adhere to it more than ever is this one.

"BE the change you wish to see in the world."

⚠️TW MENTION IF SUICIDAL THOUGHTS⚠️
I was telling my biological mother about my suicidal thoughts one day when she said, “Well just don’t give in to the temptation”. I told her, “Mom, it’s not really that easy”, to which she replied, and I quote, “Then kill yourself” before leaving the room. My father was sitting there next to me but he pretended like he didn’t hear anything.
A few days pass and it still hurts terribly. I decide that I should talk to her about it, since she always tells me to confront painful situations instead of bottling up my emotions. I didn’t want to argue with her about it or anything, all I wanted was to know if I did something wrong for her to tell me that, and if I didn’t, I just wanted a simple “Sorry”. Sure, it wouldn’t have made me forgive her completely and forgotten about this because if she really didn’t mean it, she would’ve apologized already, but still.
After she comes home from work and I make sure that she’s in a good mood to talk, I go up to her and simply ask, “Hey Mom, do you remember when you told me to kill myself? Why did you say that?”. She responds with, “What was I supposed to say?”. I tell her, “Maybe not telling me to kill myself right after I tell you how much of a struggle it is to live with the constant thought to ending your own life. That really hurt and I just wanted to know what I did wrong”. Then she snaps at me, “What’s your problem?! If you want to kill yourself so badly then go ahead and do it, for god’s sake!”. I just left her alone and never talked to her about my feelings, suicidal thoughts and this situation again.

WHAT IS RAPE?
Rape is defined by Merriam Webster: "Unlawful sexual activity and usually sexual intercourse carried out forcibly or under the threat of injury against a person's will or with a person who is beneath a certain age or incapable of valid consent because of mental illness, mental deficiency, intoxication, unconsciousness, or deception.
WHAT IS SEXUAL ABUSE?
Sexual abuse can contain the following:
Manipulation, coercion, threats, predators choosing vulnerable subjects such as the sick, inebriated, disabled, or young. They give their victims drugs or alcohol to lower their inhibitions.
A predator forcing you to look at or touch their sexual organs, forces you to show them parts of your body, forces you to perform sexual acts while they watch, or that they threaten to sexually abuse you.
Intrusive Abuse: For example a relative gives enema every night, a male relative checks to see "How the breasts are developing," someone insisting they have the right to watch you use the toilet, or someone insisting on coming in when you are using the shower or tub.
( Quoted from Mary Copeland and Maxine Harris)
PROCESSING WHAT HAPPENED
After experiencing rape or sexual abuse a person will go through a range of feelings. There is no “normal” set of feelings you should be feeling. From my experience in working with survivors, I have seen them have the following thoughts and emotions:
Denial
Minimization of their trauma
Everything’s fine
Anger
Rage
Sadness
Shock
Elation
Numbness
Emptiness
Betrayal
Violation
In takes time and distance to integrate the past rape and sexual abuse. I encourage survivors to write about what they are feeling and thinking.
HAVE MIXED FEELINGS TOWARD MY RAPIST AND ABUSER. MY ABUSER IS A FAMILY MEMBER.
At times the assaulter is a family member.
You may have been a child and a family member checked up on you at night and abused you. During the day time your family member would act as a typical dad, mom, aunt, uncle, ect.
You can have mixed feelings. On one hand there is the abuse and sexual assault and other times your family member showed support, affection, and love.
However the hard truth is this—as a child—your family member abused his or her power. Your family member should have been protecting you, providing you with safety, and respecting your boundaries.
Just because it’s a family member who at times love and cared for you—that does not excuse the violation and assault that you have endured. As a survivor we had to deal with effects after the rape and after the sexual abuse.
MY RAPIST / SEXUAL ABUSER IS MY BOYFRIEND / GIRLFRIEND.
There is a myth that rape and sexual abuse only is from strangers. Rape and sexual abuse can also be from your intimate partner—boyfriend or girlfriend—or your spouse—husband and wife.
At times when rape or sexual abuse occurs from a person you love it makes it more confusing. You may still have feelings for your boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, or husband. Even though you have those feelings for your partner that doesn’t excuse them of the violation and betrayal that they have done.
If you keep feeling compassion or love for your rapist you are putting yourself in a position where you will be taken advantage of again. You will let “past inconveniences” slide. But in the back of your mind you know something is wrong. A boundary has been violated. A trust has been broken.
I encourage you to seek out a sexual assault therapist to help you deal with the symptoms.

I FELT MY BODY BETRAY ME, I ENJOYED THE RAPE.
There are times when something traumatic happened to you that a part of you will reframe the experience to “it wasn’t that bad”, “it was enjoyable”. A part of you is trying to save you from something you didn’t want to happen to you. It’s a coping mechanism.
As for your body betraying you, just know this— your body is programmed to have sex. Think of it as when someone tickles you, there is the involuntary reaction of your body to shake and laugh. It doesn’t say anything bad about you, it’s just how the body was designed. There are other survivors who have felt and experienced the disconnection between their body and emotions
I EVENTUALLY CONSENTED TO THE RAPE AND EVEN FELT COMPASSION FOR MY RAPIST.
At times when rape occurs a victim will resort to fawning. On the surface level it means we are complicit to the violence being done to us, or it is even misinterpreted as “we wanted it”. But in all honesty it was a way for us to survive. We didn’t want to be raped.
There are instances of victims excusing the rapists behaviors because they felt sorry for them and it was the victim’s fault not theirs. In some weird twisted way that registers as compassion for the rapist.
However consider this: many survivors didn’t want sex. The rapists are the ones who abused their power.
As of right now though I think a better path is to love yourself more and have more compassion for yourself than the rapist. The more you love yourself, esteem yourself, and respect yourself the easier it is for you to leave.
I will reiterate this again and again: You deserve to be treated with dignity, respect and love.
MY RAPISTS WAS A CELEBRITY/ TEACHER / SOMEONE IN A POWERFUL POSITION
No amount of abuse especially from those in “power” is ever okay. There is such a thing called Institutional Abuse and Systematic Abuse.
Sexual abuse can occur at a work space from someone in a “powerful position”. Someone who rapes or sexually abuses you—whether its an executive, manager, or president—is still abuse. Even though there is a difference in the social-economic hierarchy you still deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. Your body is YOURS not theirs.
My advice is leave such institutions if the HR doesn’t do anything to make you feel safe. There is no money, job, or person in the world that would be enough if they have taken a toll on your mental health. You have to believe in your power, voice, and your ability to get a new job. You are not dependent on these institutions for your financial well being. You have the skills, intelligence, and power—these institutions are dependent on that.
You deserve better. Find a new job. Find a new school. Find a new university.
I KEEP GOING BACK TO MY RAPIST / SEXUAL ABUSER.
Sometimes when we are emotionally dependent on another for our sense of value, worth, or the need to be loved—we will stay and do things we really don’t want to do. This is especially true if the rapist /sexual abuser was a friend or family member.
Please love, respect, and esteem yourself MORE. Each time you show love, respect, and esteem to yourself you become more powerful. And with that power you decide to leave.
EVEN THOUGH I WAS ASSAULTED I STILL BLAME MYSELF:
Try reframing it:
You are a being who deserves dignity, safety, compassion, and respect.
That assaulter violated your boundaries. You did NOT deserve to be treated with violence. That assaulter misused his power.
You are not at fault. Your assaulter is at fault.
I WAS RAPED AND I KEEP SEEKING OUT OTHERS WHO WOULD TAKE ADVANTAGE OR RAPE ME.
I think we recreate our past trauma to come to terms of it or have a resolution. I think at times we go back to abusers because we wish something different happened during the next rape encounter. Maybe someone would finally save us, maybe we finally have the strength to hit back, maybe we finally get an explanation from the rapist on why they did this horrific act.
You deserve dignity, respect and compassion—not abuse.
I don’t think the solution is going back to abusers or rapists. Instead I hope you begin building your self worth and self esteem. The moment you esteem yourself more and recognize that healing does NOT come from your rapist—you will walk away from those dangerous situations.
I WAS RAPED AND WAS TOLD TO FORGIVE DO I HAVE TO?
“Forgiveness is confusing. When you reported the abuse, you may have been told to forgive and forget. In church you may have been taught to forgive those who have hurt you or to turn the other cheek. Your counselor may have told you you need to forgive your abuser in order to heal or recover. Other people you respect may have told you there is “no way” you can forgive someone who abused you. You may want to believe all of these people. A way to resolve this dilemma is for you to decide for yourself how you feel.
If you’ve been told you need to forgive your abuser before you can heal from the trauma, think about the following statement: I never have to forgive someone who hurt me. I can heal and still know another person abused me.
The following list contains some options for dealing with the issue of forgiveness.
-I will never forgive my abuser, but I am going to get on with my life and do the things I want to do.
-I forgive my abuser because I realize bad things must have happened to him to have made him act that way.
-I forgive my abuser but I will never have anything to do with him.
-My abuser has died and that makes me feel really good. “
(Forgiveness quote by Mary Copeland and Maxine Harris)

Hello all. The youtube channel, Kiyoko&Kanade are currently hosting a 3 part ASMR competition, with one of the divisions being for script writers (deadline June 21 [see their youtube channel community tab for more details]).
Because of this, I plan to write a lot more. And as a consequence of that, I plan to share my script entries here, because why not? I hope you enjoy it!
Side note - this script is okay for monetization.
Synopsis It's your first day at a magical university, and before you can get started attending classes and making friends, you have to take a special course in "Vampire History and Ethics." That's right, your a "vampire," the only human one in your class-- but what that word (vampire) means, and what you actually are, are two entirely different things. That is why this class exists, it's meant to teach you the truth about vampires, and make you aware of all the resources the university has prepared for you.
[Sound of general chatter]
[Sound of heeled footsteps as chatter continues]
Instructor: (Clap of hands) Attention, please. May I have your attention?
[General chatter quiets down] [Brief Pause]
Professor E: Excellent. It would seem that I am rather fortunate this year, to receive a group of well mannered students such as yourselves. I half expected you to try talking over me just now. Shame on me for my school-fostered pessimism (said cheerfully). Now then, onto introductions... My name, is Elaina Andrei Cojocaru, and as you may have guessed, I have the unique privelage of being your "Vampiric History and Protozeal Ethics" Professor, this year. It is a pleasure to meet you all.
[Applause]
Professor E: Oh goodness, all of you really are well mannered. Please stop, I know I gave a little half bow just now, but that's no cause for such a warm reception. Oh, curse my formalities, and these cherry cheeks.
[Soft laughter.]
Professor E: (Clearing her throat) Right then, as I've said, I'll be one of your primary Professors for the entirety of this year. And I'll be checking in with you all, regularly, for any additional years you choose to spend at Amortis University. Now, can anyone tell me why that is...?
[Brief pause]
Professor E: Yes; you there, in the back!
[Brief pause]
Professor E: (Sighing) No, young man, it is not because you're all "freaks." And for the record, please know that I am no different from any of you. Why, I still remember the days I spent, sitting where you are now; listening to my own Vampire instructor as he gave this exact same orientation. But I'll save that story for another time. So please, anyone? Can anyone tell me why you're all here?
[Brief pause]
Professor E: That's right, miss. The reason why you're all here, is because you have all been afflicted with the genetic disease most know today as "Vampirism." And as such, you all require additonal tutelage before you're allowed to go out and socialize with your fellow classmates.
[Brief Pause]
Professor E: Yes, dear, that is why none of you were permitted to attend the official orientation in the Campus Square. And for what it's worth, I'm sorry you were denied that. I know how frustrating it can be, to be told that you're no different from anyone else, only to be treated like a leper at every opportunity. That used to drive me up the wall. But-- that's why I studied to become a teacher, and why I volunteered to teach this class, it's because I wanted to be there for those who would experience the same things that I did. I wanted to be there for them, in the ways I wished someone was there for me. And speaking of...
[A few heeled footsteps sound] [Sound of a drawer being pulled out] [Sound of jingling keys]
Professor E: I knew that none of us would be attending the formal get together in the Campus Square. So I took the liberty of... procuring one of the Headmaster's vehicles, along with one of the company credit cards.
[Brief Pause]
Professor E: Why did I do that? Well, so we could throw our own party, of course! There's a demi-human diner only a few blocks away, and the sweets they serve are out of this world! It's normally quiet later in the evening, especially on weekdays, so nothing is stopping us from showing up in full force; and downing enough deserts to put us all in a sugary coma!
[Hoots and hollers]
Proffessor E: Shush, evryone! Shush! Please keep it down. You're going to get us caught-- and me fired! (Said with glee)
[Quiet giggling]
Professor E: Alrighty then, since it seems like we're all in agreement for later tonight, and since the spirits of those in the room have been largely lifted, I think it's about time we delve into our first lesson. Lights, please!
[Light switch being flipped] [Heeled footsteps] [Projector being turned on and running]
Professor E: (Clearing throat) To begin our lesson, I would like to take a closer look at the official name of this class. And that is...?
[Brief Pause]
Professor E: Correct, Mr. Brutus; "Vampiric History and Protozeal Ethics." Now, what do you all think these words mean...? Anyone...? Besides Mr. Brutus.
[Brief Pause]
Professor E: That's right, Miss Nadia, this class is meant to teach you the history of Vampires; and how we, their offpsring, are to conduct ourselves in a civilized society. So to start our trek into the past, why don't we begin with the world's very first recorded "Vampire." Lord Dracula himself!
[Clicker clicking] [Concerned whispers]
Professor E: Oh my, all of you seem so utterly bewildered. What ever is the matter? (Said sarcastically)
[Brief Pause]
Professor E: That's right, Mr. Ryuji, the picture on the screen isn't that of a distinguished, elderly man, but that of a petite young woman; whose beauty I would liken to a porcelan doll's. What of it? (Sarcastic and sassy)
[Brief Pause]
Professor E: (Chuckling) As fate would have it, Mr. Ryuji, this is Count Dracula; or rather, Countess. Allow me to introduce you all to our true progenitor. The singular human being from which all Vampire kind is derived... Lady Valentina Matei Parvu... the first being in recorded history to have ever suffered from "The Curse of Parvu," a.k.a. "The Vampar Curse," a.k.a. "Vampirism."
[Brief Pause]
Professor E: I see that we're all more than a little smitten with our Lady. Does anyone have anything they'd like to say?
[Brief Pause]
Professor E: Other than the fact that our Countess was very pretty, Miss Selica (small giggle)
[Brief Pause]
Professor E: Ah, That is a very good question, Mr. Tempus! How did the world confuse the image of this dainty little thing, with that of the imposing, amorous, and chiseled figure that is Count Dracula-- an image which the world of fiction deeply reveres? Well... the answer to that, lies with the failings of recorded history. As stories are chronicled and passed down, first hand accounts often yield to modern superstitions and hearsay, and this in turn-- makes recountings of historic events about as credible as modern tabloids. Very few ancient historians are actually worth their renown, and even then, these same historians largely concerned themselves with events that happened locally; meaning the stories of the rest of the world quietly passed them by, more often than not. Luckily for us, Lady Parvu was a countess of a noble house, so her story and her struggles managed to find their way to us; by way of her family albums and her own personal diary.
[Sound of a clicker clicking] [Sound of the projector moving to the next slide]
Professor E: As far as her family albums are concerned... here we can see Lady Valentina Parvu being held by her mother, Lady Ileana Parvu, after just being born in a mountainside manor, on the eve of May 26, 1897. Lord Caius Parvu, Valentina's father-- whom we can see on the right, was the head of the Parvu clan; making Valentina, his first and only child, his sole successor.
[Sound of a clicker clicking] [Sound of the projector moving to the next slide]
Professor E: The Parvu's were an ancient magus family, and as one of the biggest magical clans known to history, Lady Valentina should have inherited a life of wealth, decadence, and leisure.
[Sound of a clicker clicking] [Sound of the projector moving to the next slide]
Professor E: Sadly, as we can see in this slide here, Lady Valentina was born with a sickly and frail body, leaving her bedridden most of the time; and hobbling around on a cane every other waking moment. Lady Ileana and Lord Caius chocked all of this up to general misfortune at first. They just saw it as "one of those things" that was outside of their control, and that Valentina would just have to learn to live with. However, all of this changed when Valentina turned 18. And her condition took an unexpected turn for the worse.
[Sound of a clicker clicking] [Sound of the projector moving to the next slide]
Professor E: The man in the cloak that we see standing over Valentina here, is the Arch Mage: Augustus Von Draconis; he was a sage with wisdom beyond his many years, and he was a personal friend of Lord Caius. So when Valentina collapsed from a fever during her birthday dinner, Augustus was summoned to help her. After launching a series of investigative spells, Augustus learned what we all recognize today as common knowledge; that those who suffer from "Vampirism" have bodies that are incapable of properly harnessing mana. And this in turn, can lead to a myriad of chronic physical ailments, as mana is integral to proper bodily function.
[Sound of a clicker clicking] [Sound of the projector moving to the next slide]
Professor E: In Valentina's case, "Vampirism" left her with an incredibly frail body, a ghostly pale complection, and horrendus eyesight. Fun fact-- Most of the tropes we have today regarding "Vampire weaknesses," are actually derived from misconceptions stemming from Lady Valentina's behavior. For example: Most people think that Vampires will die if exposed to sunlight, and thus, they have to avoid it. But as I've just said, "Vampirism" gave Valentina a ghostly pale complection-- along with terrible vision, meaning prolonged exposure to the sun would make her eyes hurt; and her skin, burn.
[Brief Pause]
Professor E: Hm? Oh, yes; that is why all of us are either wearing glasses, or very unique contacts. The bodily ailments that come with "Vamprisim" are usually passed down from parent to child; so chances are... if Lady Valentina had it, so will all of us. And as an added note, after reading Lady Valentina's diary in depth, I discovered that she had a very fierce loathing for her appearance; a kind of pre-historic body dysmorphia, if you will. She disliked her looks so much, she actively removed all mirrors from her room. So... if you ever wondered where the concept "Vampires don't show up in mirrors" came from... or if you ever wondered why you find it hard to appreciate your own reflection-- well, Lady Valentina is probably responsible for that, too. But we should finish going through all of Valentina's family albums before we get to her diary.
[Sound of a clicker clicking] [Sound of the projector moving to the next slide]
Professor E: Getting back to Valentina's birthday disaster, Augustus tried all types of healing magic and anti-curse magic to help Valentina, as he believed an outside source was impairing her ability to absorb magic. He only realized that her affliction was genetic, and not heretic, after giving her an elixir that was meant to replenish one's mana. Funnily enough, Lady Valentina nearly ripped Augusts' arm off, in an attempt to snatch the bottle out of his hand, after taking a mere sip of its contents. Her sudden burst of strength, and ravenous consumption of the magical brew, prompted more and more elixir to be brought in for her. And after the span of an hour, Lady Valentina had consumed more than a gallons worth of potion, before finally passing out due to exhaustion.
[Sound of a clicker clicking] [Sound of the projector moving to the next slide]
Professor E: This might have caused some of us to panic; but Augustus, ever the sage and alchemist, was able to think through the chaos, enough to see that Valentina was finally breathing normally and that her fever had broken. The picture we see here is Augustus comforting Valentina's startled parents, as several maids settle Valentina back into bed.
[Sound of a clicker clicking] [Sound of the projector moving to the next slide]
Professor E: Armed with this new knowledge of Valentina's condition, Augustus worked with her, day and night, in order to help her manage her symptoms-- while he secretly looked for a cure. Unfortunately, none of the magic in the world, nor a philosopher's stone, could reverse what fate had done to Valentina. But even so, Valentina did not lose heart, and neither did her parents. And as we see here, not only were Valentina's parents ready to do anything and everything to help her, they were even the very first people that Valentina fed on. Which is why we see Valentina noming on her father's arm in this picture, and her mother's neck in this picture. Now, for those of you wondering why Valentina would even resort to feeding...
[Sound of a clicker clicking] [Sound of the projector moving to the next slide]
Professor E: As we can see in this diagram here, a Mana Elixir actually contains little to no mana in and of itself. It's primary purpose is to help the consumer's body absorb external mana, with the little mana it does contain only serving as a means to "kickstart" that process. In contrast, when a Vampire feeds off of another living being, the fluid that enters into their mouths is 100% pure liquid mana, or Aetheron, for those Alchemy Majors amongst us. This is why Valentina consumed large volumes of the Mana Elixir on her 18th birthday, and it's why Vampires feed off of other beings to this day. It is simply more efficient. And speaking of feeding, I think it's time we get on to the Protozeal Ethics portion of our discussion today.
[Sound of a clicker clicking] [Sound of the projector moving to the next slide]
Professor E: Society has many different opinions regarding the act of Feeding, but thankfully for us, the information contained on these slides is irrefutable fact. So if you didn't already know... Vampires don't actually drink blood, as we so often see in books or television. What actually happens is an extremely complicated, bio-magical transmutation process, that Alchemists the world over are still trying to replicate. But to put it as simply as I can, the abnormally elongated canines of a Vampire, or their quote/unqote "fangs," if your a normie-- act as polaric constructs that draw mana to them. When a "Vampire" bites down on a person, their fangs draw magic particles out of their prey's body, and then force those particles to condensate inside the Vampires mouth; creating a liquid the Vampire can then drink. And because all liquids containing mana have a propensity to turn red; it is easy to see how, from a distance, people may be lead to believe that "Vampires" consume blood. Which is a totally disgusting notion, by the way.
[Sound of a clicker clicking] [Sound of the projector moving to the next slide]
Professor E: In feeding off of living beings, Vampires are given a kind of repreive from their bodily ailments. I'm sure all of you have experienced this yourselves, at one time or another, so I won't go into too much detail; but for the sake of the curriculum, allow me to just say that feeding makes a Vampire stronger, faster, more resilient, and just healthier overall. Though we still suffer from things like poor eyesight and/or easily damaged skin, no matter how much we feed. Remeber, "Vampirism" is a chronic, genetic condition; not an illness that can be cured.
[Sound of a clicker clicking] [Sound of the projector moving to the next slide]
Professor E: And speaking of "Incurables" (sigh) I now have the distinct displeasure of telling you all how others might pervert the feeding process.
[Sound of a clicker clicking] [Sound of the projector moving to the next slide]
Professor E: As most of you can imagine, it would be incredibly problematic if a Vampire's prey ran away from them before a feeding, or if they fought back as a Vampire was consuming their mana... And as if in response to this dilemma, the bodies of Vampires naturally adapted themselves, in order to provide a solution... Put succintly, a Vampire's bite is known to generate intense waves of Euphoria, and other such emotions, in the person being bitten. Leaving little motivation for anyone to resist having their mana taken.
[Sound of a clicker clicking] [Sound of the projector moving to the next slide]
Professor E: On the surface, this seems like a good thing. The Vampire gets to feed, and provide essential nutrients to their ailing body; while their prey gets to feel good whilst donating some of their excess mana. Everyone wins. Or at least, that's what you would expect... (Deep sigh)... But unfortunately, there are many individuals out there who would take advantage of the effects of a Vampire bite. Using it to block out the pain of their lives, or introduce a new kind of stimulus to it. This is part of the reason why Vampires aren't allowed to attend the formal Freshman Orientation. It isn't only because we all need to learn when and where to feed, but rather, it's because we need to learn that others may entice us to feed of off them, in accordance with their own selfish desires... Please, don't let anyone make a tool out of you. Especially those who claim to be your friends. I know it might be hard to hear that, and even harder to follow through on, so please know that my door is always open; If you ever need to talk. The scheduled office hours on my door be damned. If you need me, I'll be there. I Promise.
[Sound of a clicker clicking] [Sound of the projector moving to the next slide]
Professor E: (Sigh of relief) And, that should about do it for our first lecture. Thank you all so much for your patience and attention. I'd like to open the floor now for any questions that you may have.
[Brief Pause]
Professor E: Yes; you, near the window.
[Brief Pause]
Professor E: Ah, an astute question. For those of you who didn't hear, Miss Seren asked why demi-humans of all kinds can end up as Vampires. If you take a look around the room yourselves, you can see that we actually have demis of all kinds in attendance here today. Mr Brutus is a Minotaur. Miss Nadia is a Scylla. Mr. Ryuji is a Dragonborn, Mr. Tempus is a Shifter. Miss Selica is a Harpy. And Miss Seren herself is a Gorgon. We all come from different magical lineages, and this in turn, might cause an uninformed person to think that Vampirism is transferrable. But as we have already discussed, Vampirism stems from genetics, so any species that has a history of reproducing with humans, has a chance of siring Vampire children. Hmm... now that I've mentioned humans, I have to ask, do we... have any in this class? Cause I don't think I we do.
[Chairs shuffling]
Professor E: Oh, I see a hand! There you are, you sneaky little thing, hiding behind Mr. Brutus like that. No, no-- don't be shy. I know that, as an Arachnid, my form may be a bit imposing; but I promise, the yellow stripes on my body are meant to scare away predators, not you-- precious. In fact, since you're the only human here, why don't you come up to the front and introduce yourself?
[Brief Pause]
Professor E: Oh, there's no need to be nervous. I'll have everyone introduce themselves at some point today, but since you're a human, and can weave through the various desks with ease, I think it makes sense to have you come to the front to make your introduction. That way, everyone can see you clearly, without having to try and peer behind Mr. Brutus.
[soft chuckling]
Professor E: You don't think you're that insteresting? Nonsense! As the only human vampire here, you must have a strong connection to Lady Valentina's bloodline. Why, I would wager that you have direct ties to one or more of the ancient magus families, making you arcanic nobility.
[Brief Pause]
Professor E: You're not sure? Well, how about this; you come up to the front and introduce yourself, and I promise to figure out the rest. Deal?
[Brief Pause]
Professor E: Yes, sweet thing; this is me volen-telling you to get up here, in the nicest way I know how (cheerful giggle).
[Brief Pause]
Professor E: That's the spirit! Let's get a big round of applause for our brave new freshman!
[Round of applause]
Professor E: (Whispering in Listener's ear) Sorry not sorry for the round of applause. When I saw how red you were getting up, I couldn't help myself, I had to tease you; even if only a little. Forgive me later... (Audibly, for the class) Now then, sweetpea, why don't you tell us what your name is, and what noble house of mages you belong to?
[END]

For context: https://www.reddit.com/AITAH/comments/1d06ocf/my_30f_boyfriend_28m_says_im_not_there_for_him/
But TL; DR - my bf stormed out on me 2 weeks post surgery bc he’s dealing with the stress of his ill grandparent, yelled at me and called me a bitch, told me to figure myself out. I told him and I quote “go yell at your mom like that cuz you’re not gonna talk to me like that.” He now claims I insulted his mom by saying that, called me an inconsiderate bitch, dumb bitch 10x, says im TA and need to apologize for bringing up his mom before he even considers apologizing for calling me names and throwing things. Did I insult his mom, AITAH?
It's been a week since this all happened and now my bf is coming back into town, picking up the argument where we left off. Throughout his trip I tried to stay pleasant and focus on his grandpa who is very sick. His grandpa is not better, but still alive, and bf is heading back now to the place we share together.
In today's texts (wish I could add pics) he is still adamant that what I said "talking shit about his mom" caused everything up until now. I told him that I even told his mom what I said, and she didn't consider it talking shit. He claims "it hurt me and you don't care, that's my problem." I told him that he still doesn't acknowledge that throwing things while I'm couch bound was wrong.
Him: I wish you could see my cup is empty. You're not here for me when I needed you. Nothing is ever your fault.
Me: I've been trying to respond to you this whole trip. You keep saying you were justified in everything, that I deserved having things thrown and yelled at me.
Him: I deserve you talking shit about my mom?
Me: Instead of blocking you on Thursday after you threw shit all over!
Him: When I'm not at your beck n call Lol it's what you asked for You literally told me to
Me: Because you came in looking for a fight. In my face, looking at the glass
Him: Did you not? Don't justify it.
Me: you were getting in my face, kept looking at the glass which is when I asked if you were gonna throw something. But yeah, I said do it.
Him: You told me to do it. Repeatedly.
Me: So, control yourself. You are in charge of you
Him: Don't ask for shit you don't want
Me: Why is it that I'm in charge of you?
Him: You're not in charge. I broke the cup. Just gave you what you wanted
Me: And the tables, the flowers, the art set, my papers, my crutches
Him: That was all me right. Broke your papers and crutches huh?
Me: Everything got wet from the flowers and wine.
Him: Ah my b. Glad I bought all that shit anyways. You asked me to.
Me: So wtf is your point? That you did nothing wrong?
Him: you asked me to do it. Several times. You asked for it.
Me: if I asked you to jump off a bridge, will you
After that, he said that was me telling him he should kill himself and he never expected me to say that. I told him he keeps hearing all sorts of insults but those words never left my mouth nor were typed by me. It’s a classic saying and I know he knows it.
Me: You say your grandpa needed your time and attention. But I don't think you would've done him like this 2 days prior to departure, I was walking the dogs and doing stuff for myself
Him: I wouldn't have. Because my grandpa wouldn't have stopped talking to me if I said I needed to help you. I don't care if it was 10min or an hour. If your grandparent fell, I wouldn't stop talking to you over dishes. I wouldn't bring your mom into it
Me: No!!! Instead you just abandoned me!! Before you left!! You were mad and you took away all your help. I fell! Me! And you left ME
Him: You do recognize what you did then? You agree? That will be a start since you don't know how to apologize unless I say I want to break up.
Me: I wanna break up!
Him: Hopefully whoever you're with next has no hobbies, no job and nothing to do but serve you so yall are happy together
Me: Im literally. Fucking. Disabled right now. God fucking forbid I ever had a lifetime debilitating injury.
Him: God forbid! I couldn't keep the house clean enough to please you. God forbid I have a family event during ANYTHING of yours. Because obviously the house being clean is a bigger priority.
Am I right in feeling that he's in the wrong for doing all this when I'm recovering for surgery?
Or AITAH and instigator, and what I said really justifies everything that happened after?

Honestly don’t even know what to do anymore. Leaving it all doesn’t seem like such a far out idea anymore. It all just seems to get worse and then ease a little then just get even worse. My dad’s always flipping his shit. And it fucking blows. The one person who actually loved me unconditionally was my mother. And last year on march 25 she succumbed to brain cancer. I was always hopeful it wouldn’t happen but it did. She was awesome, always loving, never unreasonable about anything, and she would have NEVER done anything to hurt me. I miss and love her so much. Living pretty poor, dads got crazy credit card debt. He’s always flipping his shit anymore. I’m always doing something wrong, and then he rants about how everyone is against him. And he is crazy abt it to bc like bruh nobody is out to get us or you. But I think he’s manipulative, idk if it’s on purpose or if he’s jus t a sociopath. Seems like when I talk he doesn’t give a shit. It’s always half responses and a lot of time he’ll just ignore it or start talking abt something else. Today he flipped his shit on me. Not the first time and not even the worst. But I’m fucking done. I want to run away but idk what I’d do and I don’t want to leave my sister behind and I don’t want to put her in the situation of running away. Today we went out to work. I thought it was gonna be a good day and we was just going to enjoy working. No. It wasn’t. We was having good conversations and just having a good time. For context we work with firewood. We cut it and sell it in pickup truck loads. We get some work done and then he moves onto the next tree. So I sit on the truck tailgate while I wait for him to get some wood down. He got a little cut and I was expecting that he was going to throw it down a little bit for me to take to the truck. Not unreasonable or nothing because that is literally what we just fucking did. So I’m just chilling there waiting for that. And then he looks down at me and condescendingly says “it ain’t gonna get done by you sitting there”. I didn’t like that but I was willing to fix my fuck up and get to work. I get up there again and he’s keeping on and on with his bullshit. He then starts comparing me to my mother. This is what bothered me. He was talking abt how they would have it done in like an hour and a half when they was doing it. This was fucked up to me. She was hard working. EXTREMELY hard working, it was awesome. But it made me feel like shit having him tell me how much slower I am. And honestly it’s an unrealistic expectation, she was like a beast in her work. Not to be little professional victim here but hearing this was just a reminder that she’s dead. So that pissed me off and I kind of started dissociating a little bi. So I stop talking and just keep working. And when I’m taking the wood to the truck he keeps thanking me in this almost sarcastic way. So I just keep quiet because what th fuck yk? And then he’s all like did I hurt your feelings son?? In the same borderline sarcasm. So I just say “huh??” Bc I didn’t want to talk abt it. We keep working he seems alright. Then near the end of the load he said something and it kind of prompted what I had been thinking about saying anyways. So I said it “I’m not mad or anything and I don’t mind you telling me to get to work and I like working as hard as I can. But I prefer not to be compared to my mom.” He looked at me like I was fucking crazy. Starts getting all pissed off about it. I don’t remember exactly what he said because I was doing my best to just dissociate because I didn’t want to start crying because he would’ve really flipped then, but he wasn’t super mad just yet. We are just abt to get done working and he just stops and fucking stares at me while I’m tossing the wood towards the truck to put it in. So I ask him (without showing any sense of attitude and as nicely as possible) “do you want me to just carry it and load it into the truck”. You think he was reasoblar? Fuck no. He flipped. He was like “you can do whatever you want but I can tell you are so trying to be as difficult as possible.” So I start trying to de escalate the situation. And he wants all the fucking smoke. Keep in mind I never argue back to him because if I did idk what he would say. Then he starts guilt tripping me and telling me abt how much he gives to me and how he has absolutely no time to do anything he wants (maybe stop being a Facebook addict?) and then he tells me and I quote “idk where the fuck you think you’re coming from saying that” and he’s trying to make me feel crazy and honestly that’s why I’m making this post because I don’t know if I’m in the wrong. But he continues the guilt trip and makes sure to remind me that my mother will always be on my mind. And then he hits me with this “so who’s in the right and who’s in the wrong?” BRO FUCK YOU WHAT DO YOU THINK??? So I just reply “you, you’re in the right” because I just wanted it to end. He stars de escalating but is still being mean as fuck. Then he starts giving me his dog shit life advic. And was acting like nothing was wrong, even making jokes. Then he starts telling me how I shouldn’t be listening to deftones because their message isn’t whole (he was playing heretic anthem last night????? 666, that’s whole? But eventually he seems to just forget abt all he had just said and was acting all nice again. He was also saying I was insulting him when he was most heated. I am so fucking sick of it. I can feel my mental slipping and tbh, recently I’ve kind of developed an ideation for sui. And it almost feel like whateve fucking bipolar he has is rubbing off on me. Just so fucking sick of it. Am I crazy? Is he really in the right? What should I do?

DISCLAIMER I know a lot of this post is barely related to the subject or very redundant. The main reason I’m sharing is to get people engaging and maybe help others if they’re at a dead end with their research. I didn’t include any in my original posts for this reason. Please don’t read if you’re going to get pissed and say I wasted your time. I warned you.
One last weird connection with loose ties to Drake
The Drake and Delilah Connection: An Expose on the Hollywood Club Scene and it’s Controversial Connections and History
Before I start I just want to say this is a fraction of the info online, but many articles are behind a paywall on the LA Times site. If anyone is interested and has or wants to buy a subscription feel free to add more in the comments. The price is not too bad, I just don’t need any more links because this post is already insanely long. I’d also be willing to bet there are thousands of court cases related to these clubs that could be relevant.
I think I may have shared this first part or seen it posted, but I have a real weird feeling about the club Delilah in Hollywood. It is located on 7969 Santa Monica Blvd in West Hollywood. I find this interesting because it’s a huge celebrity hotspot and has been shouted out constantly these last couple years. I read an article about AK meeting SixNine’s manager and him saying it felt like some Illuminati shit was going down. A very interesting connection is it used to be called Club 7969. Here’s a quote from a very interesting article about Club 7969 along with a link to the full article. From the looks of it the location has been extremely popular over the last couple decades despite a couple name changes. Excuse the outdated terminology, a lot of sources are from the nineties and early 2000’s.
“Club 7969, at the corner of Santa Monica and Fairfax in West Hollywood, was packed as usual last Friday night. Fridays and Mondays are drag night at the club, and flocks of trannies in full feather turn out for the midnight stage show. The drag revue also draws a large contingent of transsexual prostitutes and their johns, including, until recently, the house celebrity, Atison Seiuli, a.k.a. Shalimar, who was riding with Eddie Murphy in his Land Cruiser when the pair got stopped by the LAPD a year ago this week.
Seiuli died two weeks ago, falling to her death from the roof of her apartment building on South Berendo Street in Koreatown. According to Rampart homicide detectives, Seiuli, wearing only panties and a bra, had locked herself out of her apartment and was trying to lower herself from the roof to her fifth-floor window with a towel tied to a railing.” https://www.laweekly.com/the-new-hollywood-sinkhole/
Not only does the above quote possibly directly connect to the whole ballroom drag stuff, it may also contribute to rumors of many male rappers and other famous people being caught with trans women. Obviously it’s not a huge deal anymore, but it’s always been a thing. A few more interesting connections are the Drake song 7969 Santa and all the Delilah shoutouts he’s made throughout the years. The owner even calls him family.
I linked a very interesting Reddit post I found from five years ago with more info below. Y’all can thank the Drake sub for digging up dirt in their boy. https://www.reddit.com/Drizzy/comments/dpnk0n/a_study_into_some_of_drakes_street_ties/?rdt=60420
Another weird connection is the initials of Santa Monica are S and M, which is interesting considering the past history with Dominatrix shows, which can get fucking nuts apparently. I have a wild theory this may be where Drake got his alleged blackmail on Ye and potentially a lot of other artists. In the description on Delilah’s Instagram page it says, “nothing to see here.”
Delilah is part of a large group of famous nightclubs owned by a company called The h.wood Group, which is owned by Brian Toll and partner John Terzian. Apparently they’re involved with Coachella, Cannes, and F1, along with many others.
Below are two very interesting articles about Terzian. https://www.nytimes.com/2023/12/28/style/john-terzian-hwood-clubs.html
This one talks about his ambitions to get into the hotel business. https://hwoodgroup.com/h-wood-groups-john-terzian-dishes-on-what-it-took-to-build-a-35m-nightclub-and-restaurant-business/
I don’t mean to go to weird here, but does anyone find his love of chicken tenders a little odd? With the tender reference that Kendrick made I’m starting to think there might be something more to this word and chicken tenders could had some other meaning. I know it sounds like some p gate shit, but you never know. Please don’t take the definitions below too seriously odds are the dude just has the pallet of a ten year old or he could be a Wall Street Bets bro 😭
Potential possibilities from urban dictionary:
Chicken Definitions- “A term used to describe a young (generally gay) male; often used with connotations of twink.”
“An underage male who prostitutes himself to middle-age men -- usually married professionals and businessmen -- by standing on certain city streetcorners known for the "chicken trade."
“chicken is an underage boy who older guys like to have sex with.”
“An attractive woman with thighs and breasts (like a real chicken)”
“An attractive woman with thighs and breasts (like a real chicken)”
“A young woman/A young homosexual”
I know there is also the expression “choking the chicken,” so it could be referring to male genitalia. I also see a few people using it as a code word for weed and meth, which are both massively popular in the club scene, LBGTQ community, and LA (also the whole west coast pretty much).
Tender Definitions- “Used to descibe a female who is very good looking in that innocent way.”
“The dating app for underage children”
“A feminine acting male”
“A male’s tender meat, the testicles, the softies, the soft ones”
“Young innocent girl”
“These said "Tendahs" must be of legal age otherwise they're just chicken nuggets.. stay away from chicky nuggets.”
“an adjective describing someone or something being sexually attractive or "hot", this term is especially used in the male gay community”
“A pussy or vagina”
Chicken tender definitions- “Testicles”
“Fat elongated cocks”
A girl under the age of 18, but looks of that to be older.”
“Refers to a man over 40 years old who is sexually appealing to younger females”
“Someone who is especially well skilled with cock”
As I said, there are probably similar definitions for most words on UD, and even if there was some hidden meaning, chances are it’s probably just a gay thing.
The same article also spoke about going into the hotel game. Has anyone made the connection between Hilton hotels and Paris Hilton who inspired the Kardashians and many other families to exploit their daughters to get them famous. Anyone remember her talking about the Elon school recently? She also used to be the OG do nothing celebrity back in the day. It could just be my distaste for most billionaires, but who knows how deep the hotel shit really goes.
I also found a high end hotel in Hollywood that may be for swingers, but also may be into some weird shit behind closed doors. I was going to post the link, but their site conditions were so strict and scary I’m not even mentioning their name. It is in LA, as are pretty much all the places I mention below. I tried to narrow things down to West Hollywood which is where Delilah is located and where Drake and Ye used to live, along with tons of other hugely influential people. I never knew until recently, but there are two other Delilah locations in Miami and Vegas. All three cities are known for a lot of debauchery and they all tend to be celebrity hotspots.
LA articles- Background of club mentions a TON of relevant people. https://www.vanityfair.com/style/2023/06/how-delilah-became-unofficial-sanctuary-for-the-rich-and-famous
Apparently no phones allowed, maybe unless you’re considered family. https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/video/kanye-west-drake-more-flock-new-west-hollywood-hot-spot-delilah-thr-eats-952265/
Vegas Articles- Mentions a lot of h.wood clubs and more attached celebrities. https://hwoodgroup.com/hollywoods-swanky-supper-club-delilah-is-coming-to-the-strip/
Another article with more info. https://www.forbes.com/sites/yolarobert1/2021/06/16/the-hwood-group-is-partnering-with-the-wynn-to-bring-delilah-to-las-vegas/?sh=39362e04c9fe
Miami Article- Discusses the opening of new location and history of club https://www.miaminewtimes.com/restaurants/waterfront-restaurant-and-lounge-delilah-miami-opens-in-brickell-18646289
Some more articles about the previous clubs at 7969 Santa Monica, the owners, LGBTQ community connections, and some sex/fetish clubs that are still operating to this day. This whole section is going to be NSFW. I tried avoiding any direct links to anything super explicit, but I’ll make another warning before the link if I think it’s important enough to post. I can’t promise what you’ll come across if you research further into this subject. Please be careful going on any direct sites tied to any sex related organizations and if you find something sketchy at least read the user conditions on the site before posting or sharing any info. You never know if they’re doing everything by the book, and one of the sites I visited seemed to be trying very hard to download malware on people’s devices. They even mention they can’t be held liable if anything you click on their site happens to give you a virus.
I found that kind of odd considering the rest of the site looked like a p gate researchers wet dream lol. There is always the chance they could just be trolling that exact same crowd. The one thing that made me take it at all somewhat seriously was the fact that the site belonged to a pretty high end location. The owners could also just be quirky, but I’m definitely being more careful to make it clear that my claims are just theories from now on. The way the sub is going lately it couldn’t hurt. One last thing please don’t harass any businesses or people related to them for any reason, even if they seem sketchy. Everyone is innocent until proven guilty and it’s not fair to accuse someone of anything unless you have irrefutable evidence. This is one of the biggest reasons I believe that there is more to the story. I really don’t think Kendrick would have said what he said if he didn’t know at least something for certain.
Ok last thing I promise, another important thing to remember is just because you see some freaky ass shit doesn’t mean it’s illegal. Some BDSM stuff can seem really fucked up to someone who is more reserved or has no experience with these types of kinks and fetishes. As long as everyone is of age, chances are it’s all consensual and no one should be shamed for their kinks. These connections are more for people to see how heavily sex influences Hollywood. Please don’t harass or kink shame some innocent people trying to get their freak on. I know there’s a big gray area here, but it’s always best not to antagonize anybody unless you want to pay to back it up in court. It also makes it fair game for them to do the same to you and things may not always end up going in you favor.
Another article about h.wood and it’s connection to Hakkasan group. Hakkasan is now owned with Mohari which has a massive portfolio of hotels, apartments, yachts, and restaurant groups. https://hwoodgroup.com/the-h-wood-group-announces-reacquisition-of-global-rights-from-hakkasan-group/
https://moharihospitality.com/portfolio/
Warning there is a lot of policitcal incorrectness or generally offensive shit in some of these articles and quotes. Please try to just look at the facts and avoid any anti-LBGTQ language or conspiracies. A ton of different rappers and famous black men have been accused of or have been caught with men or trans women. It really shouldn’t be that big of a deal, but I get why it is for some people. There is no excuse for any type of ignorance and I will gladly remove some of these links if people think they’re harmful.
Club 7969 has a very wild history, and was formerly known as Peanuts. Here are a few more related articles I found aside from the Eddie Murphy one.
An article from 95 about club 7969 https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1995-03-24-ca-46449-story.html
Articles describing area around Club 7969 as a hotspot for trans folk and further discusses a famous hate crime murder in the area. This is still a HUGE issue today. https://la.indymedia.org/js/?v=cont&url=/news/2003/10/86034.json
https://www.advocate.com/crime/2021/11/09/marquiisha-lawrences-death-makes-2021-deadliest-transgender-people
Article going in to the club’s history and some of it’s many name changes. Apparently it used to be a jazz club at first, then it turned into The Pink Pussycat which was apparently super popular with The Rat Pack. I find it interesting some members were known for having some interesting sexual proclivities. After it closed it was bought again and renamed Peanuts, which was primarily targeted towards lesbians for a while. After Peanuts came Club 7969. https://forward.com/life/122322/the-jewish-matriarchs-of-striptease/
An article related to the one above that may have a House of Ebony connection. I honestly can’t understand more than half of it lol https://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/18/nyregion/thecity/18burl.html
Another article mentioning two more clubs previously located at 7969 Santa Monica, this is like five now and some appear pretty kinky. Voyeur came after Club 7969 and was followed by The Box, which became DBA then Delilah. I may be missing some, but I think I covered them all. https://patch.com/california/westhollywood/burlesque-club-to-open-in-former-voyeur-location
Some random magazine saying Voyeur was one of the top five LA party spots. https://www.thefashionspot.com/runway-news/170899-partying-in-los-angeles-top-5-celebrity-hotspots/
Here is an article about Voueur saying it was inspired by the movie Eye’s Wide Shut. Jesus Christ! Stanley Kubrick probably did get killed. http://www.guestlisthollywood.com/voyeur-club.html
Article mentioning political scandal attached to Voyeur club. https://patch.com/california/westhollywood/new-nightclub-going-into-former-voyeur-club
NSFW Only video ever filmed inside the club Voyeur, I thought I was about to watch someone get murdered at first, but it’s just a weird, five minute commercial with tons of boobs. https://vimeo.com/106139205
Articles about DBA which only was open for like two years before it was taken over by owners of Delilah. Apparently DBA was one of the best fetish clubs in Hollywood. https://patch.com/california/westhollywood/new-weho-nightclub-replacing-voyeur-to-be-always-evolving-always-changing
https://laist.com/news/entertainment/the-best-fetish-clubs-in-los-angeles
When I was looking up more about Voyeur, which was also a huge celeb hotspot, a lot of other really sketchy looking results popped up with direct links to current sex clubs. I’m not gonna link any and I’d stay away from most of them besides the SNCTM one that seems to be pretty mainstream knowledge and has a Showtime series dedicated to it. Regardless there probably are a lot of very risky clicks on all these sites.
I advise people to stay away from any direct sites and stick mostly to articles. The LA times has more than enough. Trust me I’m sure some of these sites also contain shit you wouldn’t want to see or have in your search history.
I also found a few links to a couple very well funded, massive swinger groups with tons of connections all over the world. I would hope it’s just a lot of rich and horny old people, but this whole industry tends to attract some unsavory people as well. I never expected this LA sex club rabbit hole to go so deep. It all started with the Eddie Murphy connection.
Articles about a VIP Hollywood sex club called SNCTM. Apparently the founder got blacklisted for revealing Hunter Biden is a member lol no wonder all the republicans want what’s on his laptop! You really can’t make this shit up. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snctm_(club)
The website is Illuminati as hell, also extremely NSFW. How the fuck does a sex cult have m a full product line? The founder’s website also looks like it belongs to a 60’s sex cult. He kinda reminds me of Jared Leto. If this is what they’re willing to show the public I can not imagine how wild shit gets behind closed doors. Apparently, SMCTM hosts events in LA, NYC, Miami, Moscow, Kiev, and other places around the world.
I find the political ties here very interesting. I wonder who else might be a member? Apparently it’s based out of NYC, but it’s flagship club was in LA. Anyone want to start a Gofundme to try and raise a million dollars so someone in the sub can become a Violet Key Benefactor and collect some more dirt? Kidding please don’t. https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a22116662/snctm-celebrity-sex-party/
https://nypost.com/2023/05/20/damon-lawner-founded-sex-club-snctm-it-ruined-his-marriage/
https://www.wmagazine.com/culture/karley-sciortino-sanctum-unmasked-podcast-snctm-sex-club-interview
It reminds me a lot of NXIVM cult with the celebrities that got busted not too long ago. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/NXIVM
Some more popular Hollywood nightclubs that were notorious or very sketchy
Article about Fake club https://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2020/01/the-secret-history-of-hollywoods-wildest-club-in-the-1980s
The Chapel in The Abbey is a popular LGBTQ club in West Hollywood that seems to be connected to the culture. https://thepridela.com/2020/01/las-only-known-trans-nightlife-event-just-got-a-little-more-fierce/
An article from late 2023 about the history of the bar https://www.foxla.com/news/the-history-of-the-abbey-west-hollywoods-world-famous-gay-bar
Another interesting article from a few months later about The Abbey’s sudden closing. Good think it only took 17 years of allegations for them to get shut down 🙃 https://19thnews.org/2024/01/investigation-the-abbey-los-angeles/
The Odyssey club’s owner John Nash was allegedly the mastermind behind the Wonderland murders and a huge celebrity drug dealer. He also owned the Starwood Club in West Hollywood, the Soul'd Out club in Hollywood, Paradise Ballroom, the Seven Seas, Ali Baba’s and The Kit Kat strip club. Celebrity dealers are another really interesting rabbit hole to go down as well. https://laist.com/news/climate-environment/laistory-all-ages-dance-club-the-od
Two more articles about the famous Viper Room where River Phoenix died. https://www.thevintagenews.com/2022/04/13/viper-room-closing/
https://www.visitwesthollywood.com/stories/feature-the-viper-room/
NSFW More about all types of fetish clubs and communities in LA https://thekinkytourist.com/the-kinky-guide-to-los-angeles/
One group claims to host a Dominatrix convention at the Hilton near LAX and also claims to have worked with HBO, Netflix, Showtime, Epix, and VH1. “Hotel parties” also seem to be a common trend amongst these very sex-positive communities. Renting out cruise ships and resorts all over the world seems to be common as well. To me this shows they are at the very least well funded and have a global reach. Chances are it’s a bunch of fat, old, married couples who no one would want to watch get down like at The Villages in Florida. It seems like many of the more exclusive ones could potentially have some influential members.
Article about sex club The Vault and it’s celebrity guests including Naomi Campbell. Looks like it’s from an old ass gossip site though so I would do further research. https://www.cinema.com/news/item/2779/stars-secret-sex-club-revealed.phtml
Unfortunately homophobia was always been prevalent in the industry and the source of lots of gossip. It was definitely very prevalent in the rap game in the nineties and early 2000’s. For those who don’t know Ma$e was part of Bad Boy Records. Considering the blackmail allegations against Diddy, and how Ma$e seems to have a vendetta against the guy, I wonder if this info hitting the public had anything to do with him. https://hiphopdx.com/news/id.5241/title.mase-caught-with-a-transvestite
I also stumbled onto the song Disguise by Skepta, it’s super offensive, but weirdly on Genius.com the number one related song is Pi by J. Cole and Daylyt, which has been mentioned on the sub a few times. I just thought it was interesting because it just randomly popped up in my searches while looking into this whole subject. I looked into Skepta and saw he was a British rapper who once did a song with a Nigerian rapper named Wizkid and Drake. It’s funny when you read the Wizkid wiki he also got caught denying a son. Skepta also did a few songs with the A$ap crew including A$ap Bari, who got kicked out of the crew a few years later. Lastly he also did a whole private show with Ye, so he could have connections to the whole blind item thing with the British rappers.
This next section is mostly for education, entertainment, and engagement so free to skip this one, especially if you though the rest was a waste of your time lol
Dolph Theory Continued…
I forgot to add something to my Young Dolph conspiracy in the last post. I find it very interesting that his song “Hall of Fame” came out in 2022, after his death. He also just so happens to directly call out Diddy and Jay Z. Considering the timeline it seems like he died not long after recording it unless it was just part of his catalogue of unreleased songs. He also calls himself “the Frank Lucas of the south” which might have also pissed Diddy off considering who his father is. I attached the lyrics of the first part below.
“Ha, I see you niggas goin' broke tryna keep up with me (I see you)
Bad boy spendin' millions out here like I'm signed to Diddy (it's Dolph)
Showed up plain jane Rolex, had a meetin' with Roc Nation (okay)
But they got 'bout four, five, six rap niggas over there that be hatin' (on God)
But I still fuck with Jigga, tell him I got two million for him (for what?)
To do a verse, and if he don't, I still got love for him (on God)“
In my opinion he’s implying that he’s above both of them and has more power in the south than they do up north. I’m sure neither appreciated the shout out considering their past histories. It makes me wonder if this whole beef with Yo Gotti was started as an excuse to take Dolph out. Hilariously it ended up backfiring and making him even more famous and their own artist look like the bitch he is. That would explain the many broad day assassination attempts following a relatively tame diss track compared to “Not Like Us” or some others in the last. I always loved Dolph because he never had any real dirt come out about him despite his past and long history in the rap game.
Another Disclaimer I’m not super into all of these artists and I know very little about most of their backgrounds. Honestly some of them are pretty corny in my opinion, but seem to connect with a lot of people. Please don’t attack me here, I’ve just been pretty good at finding artists with mainstream potential. I’m getting old and I’m sure it shows, but if you do agree or disagree I’d love to hear why. I hope all of this could possibly lead to changes in the industry that will allow some of these artists to get the attention they deserve. Maybe if Drake isn’t able to manipulate the algorithms and hog the spotlight it will open up some room for new talent.
I also tried making a separate list of as many people I could think of that I see possibly making waves in the future. I tried including artist’s that might not be on everyone’s radar for anyone in the same boat as I am. If you’re a rap fan I’m sure you know the majority though. The list includes some independent, some local, a few underground, and a couple brand new artists who I think are slept on or that might have mainstream potential. The list contains mostly rappers or artists who I consider at least somewhat adjacent to the rap game (they are in no particular order).
That Mexican OT, Key Glock, Peso Peso, Lil Darkie, Lil Boondang, Azizi Gibson, Paris, Texas, Kurffew, Lil Ugly Mane, RXKNephew, Tom the Mailman, ilyTOMMY, Lil Toe, Curtis Waters, ICECOLDBISHOP, 1nOnly, Mick Jenkins, Injury Reserve, Danger Incorporated, Alex Wiley, Finesse2Tymes, Mach Hommy, Navy Blue, 42 Dugg, Teezo Touchdown, AM, TrippyThaKid, MIKE, Chester Watson, Tabby, Shy Glizzy, Jakey, Savage Ga$p, BigXthePlug, Hunxho, Kenny Mason, Billy Marchiafava, Jean Dawson, Daylyt, SpotemGottem, Pooh Shiesty, Victor Internet, Kevin Abstract, KYLE, Powfu, Shrimp, NF, Tiagz, Lentra, Michael Motorcycle, Oh Geezy, L’Orange, Jeremiah Jae, Hoodrich Pablo Juan, Ramirez, Ghostmane, Witchhouse 40k, Kxllswxtch, Haarper, Yunggoth, Dom McLennon, Merlyn Wood, Woodie Smalls, Sniper2004, Teejayx6, Kasher Quon, BabyTron, Polo G, Famous Dex, Felix Flexin, Hemlock Ernst (Sam Herring), 83 Cutlass, Snupe Bandz, Big Moochie Grape, Sikworld, Futuristic, Dash, Hooligan Chase, Freddie Sunshine, Triple One, Roy Blair, OG Maco, Cousin Stizz, Desiigner, Nebu Kiniza, Bas, KAYTRANADA, DRAM, $NOT, The Buttress, Rav, NADA5150, Tierra Whack, Father, IDK, Rich Brian, Lil Wop, Bill $aber, Warhol.SS, Mike Lolli, Lil Tecca, August 08, Rejjie Snow, Princess Nokia, Lil Mariko, Fukkit, Guapdad 4000, Key!, 24kGoldn, Salami Rose Joe Louis, Terror Reid, Ameer Vaan, ITSOKTOCRY, Divine Council, Rob $tone, Hozzy, Yung Scandoo, Clipping., Junglepussy, Kenny Beats, Zack Fox, UnoTheActivist, Hodgy, Left Brain, GERM, Al Wonder, SBTRKT, Gao the Arsonist, Christ Dillinger, BRUHMANEGOD, Armand Hammer, Manny Sanchez, Big Baby Scumbag, Bishop Nehru, Allan Kingdom, Nosaj Thing, Bobby Raps, Earthgang, SadBoyProlific, Milkavelli, Zzz., Lilbootycall, and Higher Brothers if they can improve their English.
RIP Cloudy Nueve, Lil Keed, and Sad Frosty *Update I forgot Injury Reserve broke up after Groggs died. I don’t want to start any conspiracies, but they’re another example of a group that was hit by tragedy when they were possibly on the verge or taking off. I always felt like they could have taken some of the spotlight off of Migos and I know they both recorded in LA a lot around the time. My ex’s brother used to intern at a studio where Quavo and some other QC artists frequented and he said they were all kinda shady. Also another friend of mine with close industry ties has been saying QC was shady for almost a decade now.
And last but not least…Captain Murphy if Flylo hasn’t abandoned the project or rapping entirely and he doesn’t retire first or switch entirely to soundtracks and directing movies. It was released in the form of a 35 minute music video made by Xavier Wulf. Along with the music it includes a step by step guide to becoming a cult leader. I highly recommend it for anyone who enjoys MF Doom or other sample heavy rappers. I won’t include the link because it is EXTREMELY NSFW, but the album/video is called Duality. The version on Vimeo is the full uncensored version, but I’m pretty sure you can find an edited version on YouTube that doesn’t contain the graphic sex scenes.
For those who don’t know Flylo and Kendrick are frequent collaborators. My wet dream collab would be the two of them with Flylo rapping alongside Kendrick. If I could bring one rapper back from the dead to make it a trio, it would without question be Doom. It can’t be AI generated though because we all saw how that went for Drake. On top of that Doom’s wife already lost her husband and son and one of his past collaborators stole all his journals. Last I heard still hasn’t returned them, but I could be wrong. It might be a good thing this collab is no longer possible. I doubt anyone would ever be able to top it in my eyes and even if they did fifty full albums it would never be enough. I’d probably never feel music the same again.
My big three rappers who are still alive include Kendrick, Flylo, and probably Earl Sweatshirt. My big three dead rappers I’d want to see collaborate would probably be Young Dolph, MF Doom, and probably Mac Miller. My alternates would probably be Ye, Bone Thugz, and maybe Tyler the Creator on team Earth, along with Lil Peep, Xxxtentacion, and Juice Wrld on team Universe. Also RIP Lil Bo Weep, the poor girl was clearly a victim of the industry and I think she could have been huge, especially with the Tumblr crowd, if her mental health didn’t get in the way.
Below are some more artists I see being very competitive or marketable in the future. It mostly contains musicians who are already pretty well established, but still not really considered mainstream.
03 Greedo, Jasiah, JID, Khalid, Curren$y, Big K.R.I.T., Oliver Tree, Ski Mask The Slump God, slowthai, Steve Lacy, YG, Jay Electronica, Lil Tjay, G Herbo, Maxo Cream, D4VD, Danny Brown, A$AP Ferg , Action Bronson, Kevin Gates, MadeinTYO, Yung Lean, Thundercat, Cuco, Sheck Wes, FKA twigs, Baby Keem, Jpegmafia, Joey Bada$$, Rico Nasty, Freddie Gibbs, Shakewell, Cordae, Rx Papi, Isaiah Rashad, Flatbush Zombies, Freddie Dredd, bbno$, Yeat, Death Grips, Yung Gravy, Smino, Pouya, Fat Nick, Corbin, Goldlink, BIA, Joji if he starts rapping again and actually takes it seriously.
For my bilingual people I’m not sure how mainstream these guy are outside the states so if any are already major league, retired, or horrible people let me know. Same goes for all the rappers above.
Kaktov, Happy Colors, Santa Fe Klan, Jackson, Gig Yag, Mora, and Big Soto
Some potential producers that I could see making a name for themselves
Shlomo, TNGHT, XXYYXX, Psymun, Giraffage, Getter, NxxxxxS, and Nedarb
Unfortunately I ran out of room for some additional info about Kodak Black, substance use disorders, psychology, and recovery options anyone can use. If anyone is interested I can send it. I know I’m already gonna get shit all the tangents. I also have another in depth essay I recently wrote outlining my conspiracy about the US opioid epidemic. Again I won’t attach it here, but if these type of subjects are relevant or interesting to you I can send it through private messages. I hope some of this knowledge may be helpful to someone struggling or helping someone who’s struggling with their mental health or substance abuse issues.
Last thing I want to talk about is the current issue I’ve seen a lot of people being threatened, doxxed, and harassed. I know how much this can suck, so everyone who has avoided it thus far please be thoughtful about what your posting here. I always try to make it clear everything I post are theories strung together by facts or coincidences. Every single thing I claim that can’t directly be backed up by a legitimate source is just my personal opinion or theory. There are also a lot of ways you can avoid any issue. Don’t be dumb, but also don’t let anyone intimidate into staying silent.
If there are any lawyers in this sub or possibly reading this post, it would be very helpful if you could share some guidelines for what is ok and what to be careful about posting. Most people including myself probably aren’t aware about the specifics of these types of things and what would qualify as defamation vs. what’s protected by free speech. Even if you’re on the other team and here to build a case against a user in this community, if you took a minute or two to share some advice you’d gain a lot of my respect.
If you made it this far I hope you were able to gain something from this little bonus section. If you feel like I wasted your time I apologize, but I did warn you. I encourage people to keep criticism productive or at least keep the trolling to a minimum. Feel free to downvote me to hell, it’s really not important to me and you guys also shouldn’t let things like Karma influence what you share and what you don’t. If you see something good or bad speak up and don’t be afraid of negative feedback. Not everyone is going to agree with everything you say, especially when it’s important. Having the bravery to say it anyway is what separates leaders from followers and often the good from the bad. It may be more important than anyone realizes.
Thanks again for sticking around,
The Randomest Moniker

My dad sent me an email the other day crossing the boundaries I'd set about not talking church or trying to convince me to come back. Usually my mom is the one crossing the boundaries. I repeatedly ask them to please not do it again. That appears to not matter to them, though. I left the church back in 2017 after years of agonizing over my feelings about it. The day I left, I called them to tell them I was no longer a believer, but refrained from going into details about why for their benefit.
The, the other day, my dad emailed this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYEQxrkfeQ0
Ray - Please listen to / watch this from beginning to end. I think you will find it educational. (and, yes, slanted in favor of the Church, but that's okay) :)
Love,
Pa
I decided that I'd have to be clear this time, since they don't care about the way I've set boundaries before. Here was my response:
Hey Dad,
In the past, I've asked that you and mom not send me things like this. This is partially for me, since every time you do it just feels like it's another message that I'm a disappointment to you and that the only thing I can do to improve things is to come back to the LDS church.
I watched the video. I found it neither educational nor valuable. It provides people hope that their loved ones will return and nothing else. He says he was a vocal "Anti-Mormon". I have never heard someone use the term "Anti-Mormon" when talking about themselves. I feel like this speaks to Dusty's willingness to paint all ex-members as hateful, using his past self as an example. He may well have been hateful himself, but that is not the case for the vast majority of people who leave. In fact, he's literally the only person I've seen or heard say this and I've seen a whole lot of people talk about their experiences leaving the church.
I'm glad that he is happy with his faith now. It seems he's getting what he wants from his faith. He also appears to be extraordinarily lucky with his experience of being miraculously healed and his experiences with cancer. It's too bad this isn't the typical experience. He's also been lucky enough to get time with Elders Perry and Uchtdorf.
In my view, faith is not a virtue. It is a vice. Faith is what is required for terrorist bombers to believe that killing infidels will bring them salvation. Faith doesn't always lead to evil, but it is, by its nature, illogical. Most religions espousing claims of eternal "truth" require faith. Why have faith in the LDS church and not the Jehovah's Witnesses or Catholocism, or Islam, or the FLDS faith? Why not have faith in Satan? They all have equal logic to them.
For me to become active in the church, I would want it to fulfill two criteria:

1. Be true
2. Be good

I left because it did not fufill criterion number 1. I will never go back because it does not fulfill criterion number 2. Dusty did not address any of the real concerns that people who leave have. He did not address the Book of Abraham translation or the many problems with the Book of Mormon. He didn't address the lies that church leaders have told from Joseph Smith to Russell M. Nelson. He didn't discuss the wealth of contradictory statements from church leaders. He didn't talk about how he can be okay with virtually every church doctrine changing. He didn't defend the church's predatory natures, from Joseph Smith's preying on girls and women who were already married to modern leaders covering up sexual abuse in the church, hiding history, and creating shell companies to hide its wealth from its members. He doesn't address the problematic temple ceremony in all its iterations. He doesn't address the church's racism, sexism, and anti-LGBT policies and doctrines.
I don't talk to you and mom about these things because I know beleving brings you some sort of comfort or hope or fulfillment. But it did the opposite for me. It made me feel worthless, unhealthy, and sad. Leaving it has been the most healing thing in my life. I don't want to hurt you or mom. I have done plenty of soul searching. I've done plenty of searching for a God worth beleiving in and if I ever find one, I'll believe, but it just doesn't feel like something I need. I am extrordinarily happy on the outside. I'm not Anti-Mormon. I don't know anyone who is. But I am Anti-Mormonism. I view the church as harmful and flat out wrong. That said, I have no interest in taking belief away from anyone unless they claim that they don't want to believe. It's not my place to tell people how to believe, even if the church takes the opposite stance.
It's common to hear people say that, "The church is perfect, but the members are imperfect," or something along those lines. The opposite is much closer to true. The members are so much better than the church they belong to. It's sad to me that the organization has convinced them that they are the problem. There are people who are the problem, but usually they're the people in charge. They claim they have the answers when they don't. They claim to speak with God when they are merely spouting the philosophies of men mingled with scripture (which are just more philosophies of men). People often do horrible things when given power and what greater power can someone have than to be the spokesperson for God?
If you want to know my reasons for leaving, I can tell you. It's not something people who leave are asked very often. If you want to know the specifics of what it would take for me to come back, I can tell you. It won't be someone's testimony of faith despite the evidence. I didn't leave because I was a "lazy learner" or I "wanted to sin" or I "was deceived by Satan" or I was "offended". I left because the facts showed clearly that I was believing in a fraud. I felt further disconnected later when I realized how much real harm the church does to people, especially its own members.
I love you and I love mom. That's why I haven't brought up these issues I have with the church. That's why I still don't go into the details. I could send you a thousand links to educate you. The evidence is there and I don't send it to members because I respect their ability to govern their own lives. I could also send you thousands of accounts of people who have left, but I don't. I didn't just put boundaries in place to not discuss these things for my own benefit. I put them there for your and mom's benefit too; because I'm sure this email isn't what you want to hear from me.
I'm sure you just want to hear that I'm coming back to church. You want to spark a spiritual experience in me that will bring me back. That's exactly what people are led to believe videos like Dusty's will do. They are not for a non-believing audience, though. They only appear valuable to people who already believe. To me, it felt empty and only showed that his experience with leaving the church must have been extrordinarily different from my own.
The approach to bring me back would require a whole lot of homework on your part and I'm not asking you to do that homework. I'm just asking you to respect my decision to leave and to respect that I didn't make that decision lightly. I have studied this church more thorougly than anyone could ask for. I prayed constantly while I was doing that research. I was meeting with my bishop to have a spiritual anchor while I was doing so. I wanted more than anything for the church to be true. Wanting wasn't enough for that to be the case, though. Unfortunately for the church, sincere study into it's doctrine and claims usually results in leaving. That's why we get quotes like "research is not the answer" and "don't look at Anti-Mormon literature" where 'Anti-Mormon literature' is defined as anything not published by the church (including source material from early Mormonism). A church that had the truth wouldn't be afraid of its members reading opposing viewpoints or historical documents. Only an organization that has something to hide would say such things. Faith, fear of eternal negative consequences, and fear of broken families are what drive people to stay. Not truth.
I'm sorry. I know this isn't what you wanted to hear from me. I know you sent this because you love me and you want our family to be together forever and you see it as one of the best ways to get me to come back. I know it comes from a place of love, but it hurts to be regularly reminded that as long as I'm not a believer I'll be disappointing you. I wish your church's doctrine didn't require that of people. I wish your church's doctrine didn't insist on breaking apart families for their honestly-held conclusions. I wish that you could be happy or even proud of me for making an incredibly difficult decision that demanded more integrity from me than anything else has. And I wish you could accept the conclusion I came to for myself. I wish you didn't feel a duty or need to bring me back.
I love you whether you remain a member or leave. It makes no difference to me what you believe, so long as those beliefs are attended with kind-heartedness. I just care that you try to be a good person and I know that both you and mom try to be good people.
I love you,
Ray