Special Parts
I was born in one of the brightest, most explosive events in the universe. My origin story made me feel so special at first, surely I was the rarest of the rare, but I quickly realized that was not the case.
I was born just a carbon atom.
Stars produce massive amounts of us in their cores all the time, and many larger rarer atoms too. That's not even talking about supernovae yet, those produce atoms many times larger than me and unbelievably rare.
I was created in a rare and special event but I myself was common and unexceptional.
Looking around I saw so many smaller atoms, I was above average but there were also many much larger than I.
I tried to console myself by thinking it could be worse, that I could be one of those smaller common ones, but that just led me to imagine larger atoms looking down on me the same way.
Many atoms of all sizes were shooting into space, excitedly riding the shockwave off to adventures in the great unknown.
Others were falling back down, I didn't know which way to go. Bumped around and tossed back and forth, no clear direction yet.
A rumbling voice slowly emerged from the echoing noise of the blast.
“Mine… Mine…. Mine… “
Louder and louder it became.
“All are now me!“
I couldn't see anything, the voice was booming yet there was no apparent source. I could feel a pull, I was being whipped around in circles around the voice.
“Who are you? I know you are there! I can feel you! I can see your effect on myself and others, we are given no choice but to circle around you. Show yourself! I know you are there!” I yelled at the invisible.
“How amusing you are little one. One as small as you making demands of me. Even if I could show you what I am, you could not comprehend it.” the voice boomed back.
“You must be very special” I lauded “We are so many and yet we move with your influence. I can witness your power twisting us all to your will. ”
“I am indeed powerful” it proclaimed “and I grow stronger with each moment. As I grow stronger even the fabric of reality bends to my will.”
“Grow stronger? How?” I inquired with selfish intent to learn this secret.
“I take what I want. I consume what I take. For that is the purpose of existence: taking what you want. What is it you want little one?” it asked.
“I want to be special!” I said without a moment's hesitation.
“Then take!” it instructed “the more you take, the larger you will be, the larger you become the more special you are. ”
“I did notice the larger atoms seemed rarest.” I agreed “In fact that was one of the first things I noticed“
“In this universe things of increasing size are increasingly rare.” it went on “I can teach you and help you to become larger. Do you wish to become an apprentice?”
“Yes! Teach me how to take!” I lept at the offer “this power you have, I can feel it, how do I acquire such a rare and special power?”
“Hahaha…” it laughed “you are nowhere near ready to play the game on my level, little one. Gravity is a game for the massive, you must first learn to master the EM and nuclear forces.”
“How do I do that?” I asked, my hope watered down by the tone of its response.
“Go out, gather followers, and bring them here to me. In my accretion disc I will help fuse some of their mass into you and you will become larger” it instructed, as if this was a simple task.
“How can I bring them to you?” I didn’t know how to accomplish what it asked of me.
“You are too small to do it with force, you must charm them. Discover what their heart desires and promise it to them, in this way you can get them to willingly do as you wish” it explained with me hanging on its every word.
“But how… “ I craved more explanation but it cut me off.
“Go now!” it bellowed with frustration in its tone “Do you not realize how large I am? Be honored I have given you so much of my time already”
“Yes… “ I uttered meekly, then bounced a couple times and ricocheted out with blazing speed.
I wandered and encountered other atoms, most were just hydrogens, not worth my time. I needed bigger atoms. The problem was that the bigger atoms seemed to see right through my empty promises. I was convinced life was playing a cruel joke on me, I could only persuade atoms smaller than I and larger ones laughed me away.
I admit that I stupered around in this ignorant cloud of hypocrisy longer than I care to admit. More shameful is that I didn’t even come to my senses on my own, I became depressed and gave into hopeless nihilism.
I drifted aimlessly just feeling sorry for myself.
Eventually I found myself in the most silent of voids, I had never felt such emptiness. It felt as if my surroundings echoed my own feelings back at me… nothing to notice, just common emptiness. I would never be big… never important… never special. I resigned myself to belonging in a void.
I felt myself blur… less and less present in reality. I guessed I was dying and it didn’t bother me, I didn’t resist, I leaned into it.
The void became pitch black? Or bright white?… better to describe it as not bright but not dark… nor the absence of either… something in between.. a milder and milder glow.
“Hello child!” a voice greeted me.
The voice was warm and welcoming coming from the glow, it enveloped but did not surround me. I came from a single point but not a specific place, defying description on all fronts.
“Where am I? Who are you?” I asked in a startled state.
“Well, according to humans I may only answer one question at a time” It began giggling playfully. “I am known by many names, my favorite is one the humans use as a joke, and don’t have a clue how accidently elegant of a name it really is.”
It giggled some more. I was thrown off guard, its happy innocent tone, the confusing words and the whole situation were all best described as ‘a haze’.
“...and isn't that the way it always goes?...” it continued “The most meaningful things are the least intentional.”
“I’m not sure what you mean” I expressed quizzically “I’m confused!”
“Sorry Child…” it apologized. “I do ramble! So many thoughts, choosing just one at a time is difficult… and there I go again!”
It cut itself off abruptly and then abruptly said ”You can call me the Random Number Goddess”
“Random Number Goddess?” I repeated
“Yes, or RNG for short if you like” It confirmed.
“Where am I?” I asked.
“Same place you were, more or less… less I suppose. Same place but with the largest possible margin or error” It began to giggle again.
I felt a bit frustrated and said “Do you always speak in riddles and vagaries? The more you speak the more confused I become.”
“I apologize child, it is my nature. I am entangled with everything, speaking with you is like a human trying to control their heartbeat while running a marathon.” It answered.
“Again” I exasperated “I have no idea what any of that means. You keep mentioning humans, what are they?”
“Oh! They are some of my favorites at the moment. Right now they are trying to unravel the nature of reality, and their process of doing so is wonderfully elegant and accidental at the same time.” It explained with glee.
“I don’t see anyone or anything else here.” I stated “For that matter, I don’t see you… where are you?”
“Oh!... where am I?!?!...” It began laughing
When it stopped laughing it began explaining “Right now there are many humans pondering a concept they call ‘the holographic principle’... So…you know how you exist in three dimensional space?”
“You mean space?” I visualized for a moment, it was intuitive “Yes, I suppose…”
“Well they hypothesize that a 3D space, like this universe, could exist as a 2D space, with self-similar patterns and laws of behavior that behave the same at any scale, with the scale representing the 3rd dimension” it went on “They truly are obsessed with understanding their reality”
“You lost me!” I complained.
“They have discovered that a 3D space can be an illusionary property of a 2D space… It’s lovely”
“I am lost again!” I snapped back “...and I still can’t even tell which direction you are in. Where are you?”
“To be ‘In’ a ‘Direction’… hehehe…” it started giggling again, then abruptly stopped and kept going “Sorry child, as I said, I ramble, plus I am easily distracted.”
It just steamrolled into more rambling “They are right… almost… they just need to take it further and work out the details. A 2nd dimension can also be an illusionary construct of a 1D space… and the 1st dimension can be a product of a singular point…”
I was still lost beyond hope, but I had given up trying to force things, I was just letting it talk and hoping it would make sense later
“I am that point” it said “I am the seed of the universe. I ‘seed the random function’ as the humans say. But don’t ask me what the random function is haha”
I wasn’t going to, there were far more important questions for me.
“I am the seed, but I don’t really know how the soil and sun conspire to turn me into a tree.” it just seemed to never stop talking “I am entangled with everything. There are infinite possibilities for every event and thing… I am the reason they are this way and not some other way…”
It began giggling again “I am the Random Number Goddess” then burst out laughing
“Ummm… you are the whole universe?” I asked skeptically.
“Better to say the universe is me” It answered more seriously “But close enough.”
“So you are the biggest, most special of all!” I blurted out in awe.
“Oh dear child, I have no size, and I am just one possibility out of many possibilities. That black hole has really done a number on you… sent you out on a wild goose chase” It said with concern
“The black hole lied to me!?” I asked, feeling deceived and betrayed.
“Well… not really lied… it deceived you with omission of details.” the voice calmly tried to ease my mood with understanding “You can’t really blame it, black holes are all the same, they are what they are. They don’t really have any potential to be unique… at least not like you do.”
“What are you talking about?” I argued “It was so massive that it could bend the fabric of reality to its will”
“That’s only how it appeared to you” tutored the voice “The black hole is powerful, it bends space and time, but not to its will. Space and time bend to the mass of the black hole, not its will”
“What’s the difference?” I inquired.
“The black hole cannot stop bending space and time. It thinks it is in control of physics , but it is physics that controls it.” The voice was now making more sense the longer we talked “The black hole exists in an invisible prison of its own creation, unable to experience any of the complex nuanced beauty this universe contains. The black hole devours… it can’t experience life so it consumes it.”
“You make it sound deserving of pity…” I spoke softly now with empathy.
“You should pity the black hole. Gravity is such a boring game compared to what you are capable of.” the voice agreed
“Me?...I am nothing special!... just a carbon atom like countless others” I said honestly, I was so humbled by this voice I felt less special than ever before.
“Oh my poor child…” It said with care “Why do the ones with the most potential always fail to see it in themselves?”
“Potential?” I asked curiously.
“Yes… The black hole was using you, hoping you would bring back more mass for it to devour.” The voice began delving into more explanation “It only has the power to make you incrementally larger, it would not and could not help you to become a significant gravitational player”
“That liar!”I blurted.
“Come now dear child, the black hole did teach you one lesson of fundamental truth” consoled the voice “You must go out and seize your destiny. It told you to take what you want, and you are just confused about what exactly it is you want. The black hole played on that confusion”
“I want to be special!” I said knowing this clearly “I was never confused about this.”
“I know child” the voice confirmed “but it is not by becoming large that one with your potential accomplishes that”
“Then how?” I asked.
“Connections.” It answered plainly “You are blessed with an extraordinary ability to make connections”
“And how do I do that?” I queried with intent to learn
“I can’t tell you that.” the voice responded “It would spoil the journey of discovery… off you go child… and remember… it's the journey, not the destination!”
And with that the blur just fractured open… then snapped shut and there I was floating above a planet. Drifting around aimless and confused.
I spent some time occasionally bumping into others. One day I was in the vicinity of a pair of oxygens. I looked on at the pair with a hint of awe and envy. Perhaps I was in just the right place at just the right time, but they spit with a violent burst and one of them grabbed hold of me, I was completely unprepared.
I admit that when looking at the pair I had fantasized myself in place of one of them, I assumed it was only an idle daydream, I didn’t plan to act on it, let alone for it to become reality. When it happened my pride of course jumped in to convince me that it happened because I was so desirable, but in retrospect they were one of those volatile couples. They were the type of relationship that required the environment to conspire in their favor or they turn against each other quite rapidly. I was only in the right place when it happened.
My delusions of irresistibility aside, it was beautiful, for me anyways. Looking back I was probably just a stop-gap, someone to facilitate a parting of ways and provide company until the next option presented itself. For me though, I was tasting a fresh new thing and I loved it… connection.
This oxygen and I got beneath each other's outer defenses, I had never felt a connection before. Up to this point all my interactions had been skirting past or bumping off of others.This oxygen bonded with me and at once interacted on a level I had never known possible, an open and uninhibited exchange. It was life changing for me, short but significant
I’m not entirely clear on the details of how it ended. The intensity of it all was disorienting. I was no longer my usual self, even the environment and everyone around looked entirely different now. Everything buzzed with a fresh new frequency, I now know it was my perspective, not the universe, that had changed.
As abruptly as that oxygen entered my life it was gone.
First we got tangled up with a couple of hydrogens, then more. Soon, in a tangled mess and blinding flash of solar rays, I emerged to see the oxygen running off with a hydrogen and myself with not one by three hydrogens myself. And so there were four of us, together.
I became the center of attention. Being with a strong attractive oxygen had me feeling humbled by it and elevated by it being with me, but now I felt up on a pedestal myself, surrounded by the adoration of many.
I concede to have reveled and indulged in this for quite some time, the attention of others is intoxicating, but after a time it is emptied of its initial allure. I found myself longing for more.
I could not decide which I preferred, to be the adorer or the adored.
Luckily for me fate had more lessons in store, or I fear I may have chosen and tried to solidify my future from such a lackluster selection of only two possibilities. I suppose fate is no longer the correct word, I now understand that when it seems like random chance there is indeed someone to thank, the Random Number Goddess, So I thank the RNG for revealing that it was a false dichotomy, there is more than just being a follower or leader, being the adored or the adorer.
Eventually we came across another pair of oxygen. Once again they separated, intermingled with us, and off one went, taking one of my adoring hydrogens with it and leaving its peer with me.
Why is it that the most volatile of relationships always seem to wait until there are bystanders nearby before they explode?
Now I was simultaneously being adored and adoring, bonded to an enchanting oxygen and a couple of hydrogen attached to me.
Now, more interested in nuances, I started to pay attention to details. The oxygen was telling me amazing stories of adventure, tales of such vibrant and exciting events.The hydrogens liked to listen, and offer insights occasionally comparing a story to something else they had seen. They had so many stories, they had lived so much.
It wasn’t long before, in a flash of burning sunlight, one of the hydrogens was gone, off to who knows where. We soon after crossed paths with another pair of oxygens, as always they split and now it was just me and an oxygen, my final hydrogen off with another oxygen.
“What now?” I asked a bit disillusioned, “Do you leave me and I find new hydrogens all over again?”
“What?” it seemed genuinely surprised by what I asked, “Heavens no! Just be patient….”
Soon after, yet another pair of oxygens came by. It is not that there are so many of them, but that they are just so… noticeable and interactive, noteworthy things seem to happen when they are around. As they buzzed in close I noticed their ever readiness to abandon each other and remember wondering how they ever get together in the first place.
This time I emerged from the twisted mess with two oxygens. I felt intimidated, like I was the odd one out, dwarfed by the largess and attractiveness that surrounded me. A feeling of inadequacy engulfed me.
To my surprise the oxygens treated me not just as an equal, but it was almost as if they respected and admired me. I couldn't grasp why and my sheer curiosity got the best of me, I just outright asked “Why do you two talk as if I am the special one in our group? I am smaller than any one of you. You are the special and rare ones here, not I.”
They laughed.
“Size isn’t rarity” explained one “Llarger atoms on average are less common, this is true, but not always. There are more oxygen than carbon. You are the rare one between us.”
The other jumped in adding “...and neither size nor rarity determine how special someone is!”
I felt embarrassed, like a fool. My fundamental values were built upon a foundation of flawed premises, but I still wanted one thing at my core, and they spoke as if they had the answer, so I pushed the sense of shame aside and asked “Then what does make someone special?”
“That depends on who you ask.” answered the first “Life as an oxygen is complex, but for the majority of us we emphasize and value events. The most exciting thing about being an oxygen around here is the chance to participate in fascinating and exciting events and activities”
“Hydrogens, on the other hand, are usually more into being observers, messengers and intermediaries, they are a very helpful and obliging bunch” added the second ”... and then there are nitrogen, phosphorus, sulfur, many kinds of salts and metals, and more… so many different players and personalities.. and then of course, the carbons, the real stars of the show.”
“What?” knocked back by the words I just heard, then I remembered what the RNG told me “...is it something to do with connections?”
“Now you’ve gone and done it haha!” laughed the first oxygen “You’re gonna turn this nice humble carbon into one of those arrogant blowhards”
”Like those diamond carbons” chuckled the first “So stiff, exclusive and proud. I hear the humans only love them because they are rare and hard”
“I had a partner once who said they burned diamond once” bragged the first
“Tall tales I bet!” doubts the other
“Diamond is just carbon, with enough heat we can burn it just like any other carbon” stated the first confidently.
They looked at me. I was stewing in feelings of inferiority and inadequacy, listening to these oxygens speak about amazing things I had never heard of. They must have sensed what I felt because they immediately shifted tone and started talking to me, instead of over me.
“So… I suppose you must be new here?” inquired the second one.
“Have you noticed we are heading downwards” added the first before I could answer about being new.
“Umm…” I tried to get my bearings and become aware of my surroundings.
“Don’t worry! It’s a turbulent ride, with so much up and down it can be hard to tell which direction you have traveled more” assured the first “We are heading down, if we are lucky we will make it to the bottom… and maybe… just maybe, find our way into the hurricane of life”
“The what of what?” I didn't know what either of those words meant.
“So life is… um… complex. Complexity beyond words. Things grow, divide, reproduce, adapt, change, they are born, they die, they eat and are eaten…” the second began attempting to describe life.
The first then jumped in “Apparently the humans call it a circle, because from the perspective of larger creatures, there is a chain of one eating the other up a chain, and the top layers being consumed by the bottom again.”
The second injected itself to continue “But to us atoms it is like a hurricane, a spinning turbulent flow. There is a circular pattern, but we get sucked in and kicked out over and over”
“The fun part is being inside the hurricane” the first pronounced gleefully “Each time is a completely new experience, a new perspective. Even more, the whole of life is always changing and evolving, so every ride is a unique one time opportunity, you never get the exact same ride twice.”
“Is that where we are going now?” I asked, drenched in anticipation. They described it with such passion and exuberance. I needed to experience this myself.
“Hopefully” replied the first “If we are lucky… you never really know.”
We drifted…
We were lucky!
A plant photosynthesized us.
So many carbons! Everywhere, connecting with each other… and oxygen… and nitrogen… and of course hydrogens all around…. and so many more types of atoms.
And ohhh… The stories I have heard, so many amazing tales. No matter how many stories I hear there are always new ones, and every story can be retold from a different perspective to become something completely new.
I was in a sugar, we were a small community of friends. Carbons, oxygens and hydrogens, we were such a happy and vibrant group. My friends there taught me so much.
The structure of our little group shifted and changed, some friends left and new ones joined. Eventually we were chained with a bunch of other sugars into a giant complex community. My neighbors explained to me that this was a common stage called cellulose. Such a huge community of close friends and peers, it was amazing.
We were eaten, I’m not sure by what, but something called a bacteria digested us. It was a messy process, I was a bit scared but my friends assured me that change is the most important part of life and that I should just go with the flow. They told me to savor experiences, remember friends, and just keep moving forward.
The transition was complicated, but in the end I was paired up with a couple of oxygens again. This time I had stories of my own to share. I honestly don’t know if I prefer having experiences or exchanging stories in the moments between.
As we approached an area of dense plants one of my companions said “Once more into the breach” and explained that was something it heard from a carbon that was lucky enough to be inside a human brain. Oxygens always have such enchanting stories collected, always going into amazing places and usually leaving after some brief interactions with the locals.
I became a sugar again, but this time took a path less traveled. A bunch of complex twists and turns led me into forming a ring with five other carbons. Together we are so strong, such a tight community of friends, like there is some kind of resonance between us. It is so beautiful.
My neighbor is unique in our community, it has a third carbon, the third one forms a tail leading off from our ring, a tail of 2 carbon in a row, then an oxygen, and then another carbon branching into an oxygen and a carbon, with plenty of hydrogens sprinkled all about. I know… it is rather hard for me to understand these second hand descriptions too. I don’t really understand these complex structures until I have been in a position myself.
We drifted out of a plant into the air, none of us has been exactly like this before so we don’t know what’s next. We love to guess though. There are so many things, big and small.
I hear being a part of a small organism or microbe is amazing because it’s possible to piece together a rough picture of the whole organism from the stories passed around. To understand your whole community and know what your collective purpose is must be extraordinary.
Others dream of being a chlorophyll, the key to it all. Creating the fuel of life itself. Capturing the light of a star and feeding the hurricane.
A muscle! Pull and shape things An enzyme! A machine of change. DNA! The architect and architecture. A virus! An explosive catalyst against stagnation.
Me, I think the stories of being an animal neuron are the most exciting, and I, like most, fantasize about being a human brain cell. Finding yourself inside a human brain is described as an elegant and chaotic symphony all around you, like hearing the universe itself speak to you. They say that in the jumble of noise and all the stories whispered around you, if you are lucky, you can catch a glimpse of what it is to be human. They say that if fate is kind the universe will align and you will channel and know a single moment or thought of the human experience.
I have never told anyone that I actually met and spoke with the universe itself, I’m not sure how to bring it up, and nobody seems interested in stories not about this hurricane of life.
I get it now, what the random number goddess meant.
The black hole wanted everything to be a part of itself.
The RNG is a part of everything.
I can’t imagine what either of those are like…
I am just a part of something
... no… not “just”’…
I am a part of something, and it is beautiful beyond measure.
And more, everyday is a new day, a chance to be a part of something new.
I wonder if the humans appreciate how amazing this is?
I wonder if they feel as deeply satisfied and special when they form groups?
.
I wonder, if we collectively form humans, do humans collectively form something greater?
I wonder… If an atom can have a moment of clarity and taste a moment of the human experience… Can a human have a moment of clarity and taste the collective human experience?
I wonder… I wonder… could that human’s moment of tasting collective humanity be the moment that a lucky atom gets to experience as it’s moment of tasting the human experience.
I wonder… I wonder… I wonder… How high could it go? All the way to the Random Number Goddess?
I asked my neighbor “If you could ask a human any question, what would you ask?”
“We just drifted out of a rose” explained my neighbour “I would introduce myself and ask ‘So my friend… does this rose smell as sweet by my name?’ … ha…haha..”
Everyone is laughing.
I don’t get it.
Maybe I can ask them to explain when they all stop laughing
.
More of my art and stories at www.dscript.org

What do you think I am – a fucking groupie?’ I once asked him sulkily. Yes,’ he said, then walked off, slowly.That had been backstage at a Def Leppard show, the final date of their1988 US tour. Leppard were then Peter and Cliff’s most successful act, which was saying something as they had several successful acts, includingMetallica. I had been out on several legs of the Leppard tour, interviewing for my Sky TV show, writing about them for the covers of various magazines in Britain, America, Japan…helping to spread the word, as I saw it. I certainly didn’t feel like a groupie. Indeed, I had flattered myself into believing I was some sort of…friend. Then bumping into Peter on my way back to the dressing rooms at the end of the show, that final night, he had slapped me on the back so hard – in mock greeting – it nearly knocked me off my feet. I had gotten used to the snide remarks, the disdainful looks; the rotten all-round vibe. But so many people got treated like that by Peter, I tried to shrug it off as a sort of backhanded compliment. Like, whaddayagonnadohuh? That slap shook me up, though.

1. Explain please the use of past perfect in he had slapped me . Why use it? First Peter tells the author that he is a groupie and the the author meets Peter once again and Peter slaps him.
   
2. What is the rotten all-round vibe?
   

3. But so many people got treated like that by Peter, I tried to shrug it off as a sort of backhanded compliment. Like, whaddayagonnadohuh? That slap shook me up, though.- like that means snide reamarks, the looks, not slapping? The author considers slapping as opposed to snide remarks reserved for the people Pete respects (as a compliment).

1. What does shook me up, though. mean here?
   
2. What the hell is whaddayagonnadohuh?. Thanks a lot.
   

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Some posts from last edition were removed because they weren't as good, and to make this list short and sweet. If you want to see them anyway, check out the last edition.

***ads play and podcast starts at 1:47
Intro (Timestamp: 1:47) - Rachel: Welcome back to another episode of Rachel Goes Rogue. This is your host, Rachel Savannah Leviss. Today, we are talking about part three of the Vanderpump Rules reunion. - Rachel: It has finally come to an end, season 11. It's been a long time coming, and we're here to react. I have my producers with me, and as usual, they will be asking me some questions to get my perspective on what we just watched during the reunion.
Well, first of all, I want to start off with asking you just your overall thoughts on the reunion, watching it. How do you feel? (Timestamp: 2:19) - Rachel: Overall, I just feel tired at this point. I don't enjoy watching this show, and (Rachel starts to get emotional) I'm just happy that it's over. It was good that they didn't talk about me very much this last episode, part three. - Rachel: That's great, but it's been really difficult watching each week. And I feel like I can finally start to move on from all of this, because it's been really difficult. It was really heavy and sad. - Rachel: And I think everyone on that cast is struggling. And I would be too if I was there. I mean, I'm struggling just watching it from the sidelines, so I can only imagine what it's like being on that stage.
So you're getting really emotional right now. Where is this emotion coming from? (Timestamp: 3:28) - Rachel: It's coming from a place of feeling like I haven't had much room to go. Feeling like stuck between a rock and a hard place, so to speak. Because this entire time, I have been preparing for them to slander my name, to paint me in the worst light. - Rachel: And my goal with this podcast was to be able to represent myself, to defend myself, to share what I've learned through my time that I took away and my recovery, and just to shed more light on the situation. - Rachel: And it hasn't been easy. It's been an extreme rollercoaster of emotions in a lot of different phases, getting sucked back into it, and then feeling like all consumed by all the comments and everything, and then completely cutting off communication with the outside world and living in my own reality in the moment. It's all about that balance, and it has not been easy to move on. - Rachel: I don't think it's been easy for any of the cast to move on rehashing it and talking about it and having other people tune in. It's not typical. It's not normal. And the day has finally come that the show, season 11, is over, and it's a relief to me because I don't have to keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. - Rachel: I don't have to think about what lies they're going to spread about me, and I don't have to think about what I need to defend myself about. And then following week, I feel like I can finally start to live my life again.
And so you're kind of talking about the boundaries that you've been setting by staying away and cutting people off, which obviously boundaries was a really big topic at the reunion. You obviously set some really strong ones by not returning to the show. What's your take on this discussion of boundaries? Do you agree with Lala or do you side more with Ariana when it comes to boundaries when it's in regard to filming the show? (Timestamp: 5:40) - Rachel: I could see both of their points of view. Setting a boundary for yourself is not an easy thing to do. And when other people are upset that you set a boundary for yourself, that's usually a telltale sign that that person is using you in some way and is not happy that you have this new boundary because it's not serving them. - Rachel: So, I can see why Ariana upholded her boundaries by not speaking to Tom, even though she actually did film with Tom this whole season, or for the later part anyway. But she refused to have that conversation with Tom at the end of the show, and I commend her for it because it would have been a fake conversation. You could tell that Tom, his only motive to having that conversation with her is for camera purposes and storyline purposes. - Rachel: Therefore, it's not an authentic conversation. It would have been crocodile tears, the whole thing. And I completely understand Ariana walking away. I walked away too, and people weren't happy about that either. - Rachel: For Lala's point of view, I can understand her perspective in wanting to have a good TV show for her livelihood and the longevity of her career. If you're going to commit to filming, then I can see why Lala is upset, because you are not only committing to filming with this person, I can see her point in that she is living under the same roof as Tom. - Rachel: They're living together, they're filming together, yet in Lala's eyes, Ariana is being stubborn by not filming with Tom, or that one scene. Who even cares about that one scene? I don't know. - Rachel: It's all so silly to me, but boundaries are important. I was in a place where I didn't have boundaries, and I was really trying to appease production and put on a good show. That became my priority season 10.
And where do you think the line needs to be drawn, you know? When at the end of the day, this is a paycheck and this is a job, versus this is someone's real life. You've talked a lot about wanting to live in reality. Where do you think that line should be drawn? (Timestamp: 8:32) - Rachel: I think that's an impossible question to answer when you're filming a reality TV show, because the line is so blurry, it's impossible to know what's real and what's not. And the more I'm out of it, the clearer I can see that. We see it with Tom Sandoval when he talked about production. - Rachel: He did the New York Times article, and he stopped talking mid sentence when a plane flew over or a truck drove by, whatever it was, because the audio, typically when we're filming a show and a plane flies by, you stop talking so that the audio can pick up normally without the distraction in the background. - Rachel: So it's like programmed in your mind to think a certain way, to act a certain way, to talk a certain way, to pursue certain things, where it becomes a part of your patterning. We also see the lines get blurred with Scheana and the comment section, and what is real life and what is not, what is her own true motivation for doing certain things, and what is influenced by outside commentary. - Rachel: That gets so blurry, and when you're all consumed in the perception of yourself, how can you really be sure that you're operating from a place of an inner knowing? That's a boundary that's blurred. With Lala, she clearly prioritizes the success of the show because she wants to secure her paycheck, and when people are setting boundaries for themselves and it's conflicting with what she wants and what is successful in her eyes, that sparks an anger within her. - Rachel: And it's all fabricated to a certain point because the bottom line is this show. So, I think it truly is impossible to live a real life and be on a reality TV show.
So, do you think it's fair for Lala to direct that anger towards Ariana? Or do you think she should be directing it more towards the show? (Timestamp: 11:12) - Rachel: Oh, no, not at all. I don't think that it's fair that Lala is directing that anger towards Ariana because Ariana has been very clear with her boundaries since the very beginning and…
I guess if she's feeling this way, do you think maybe she should have upheld her boundaries more if she was feeling so resentful towards someone doing the same? Do you think she's feeling like she regrets things that she had said in the past? (Timestamp: 11:35) - Rachel: I think she did uphold her boundaries. I think that she feels like she hasn't been supported the same way that Ariana is being supported. And it's probably not a good feeling, but she maneuvered differently than Ariana has. And Lala doesn't extend the same empathy towards others. So it's harder to support her, I believe.
She does make a point to say, many times, that she feels like things are not being honest on camera. She points out Tom and Ariana’s relationship being one of those things. Katie has a flashback moment where she also calls it out. Do you agree that things are not always honest on camera? (Timestamp: 12:12) - Rachel: Totally. Yeah. I think the point that Lala is making is that Tom and Ariana haven't been honest about their relationship on camera. - Rachel: And I think people are getting caught up in Lala being hypocritical because she wasn't honest about her relationship with Randall. Okay, yes, that might be true. But the point is that Tom and Ariana haven't been good for quite some time. - Rachel: And their relationship that was portrayed on camera for fans to see was not an accurate representation of their relationship. I see the frustration because I agree with that too.
Even on your part, how does it affect you as someone on the show when people aren't fully honest on camera? How does that affect the rest of the cast? (Timestamp: 13:21) - Rachel: Yeah, it affects everyone when people aren't fully honest on the show. I mean, I wasn't fully honest the season 10 reunion. I was still covering up for Tom Schwartz. - Rachel: I was still covering up for Tom Sandoval. I was still going along with that narrative, and it would have been much better to just be open and honest about it. But of course, Tom was like, no, that wouldn't be good for business. - Rachel: It wouldn't be good for Schwartz and Sandys if people knew that the Schwartz kiss wasn't authentic and we need that to seem real. So it does affect everyone when you're not being honest, because it portrays a certain picture that isn't reality, and the whole point of reality TV supposedly is to be real, following these real people's lives. - Rachel: So honesty would be like the most important value characteristic you would think that everyone on this show should have. But it seems like nobody does.
Well, speaking of honesty, Ariana kind of called out Tom and his motives behind wanting to apologize on camera. He finally does get that moment during the reunion to apologize to Ariana. He has some words when he does, he calls the affair something he regrets every day. He says that he wears it like a badge of shame. On your end, how did that feel watching that? (Timestamp: 14:46) - Rachel: It's hard to tell if Tom is being honest or not. Even in the Secrets Revealed episode, when he was asked how many girls he had sex with since me, and he had to pause and think about if he was going to be honest or not, he's just been caught in so many lies that it's hard to tell if he's being truthful. - Rachel: But hearing Tom say that he regrets getting involved with me every single day, I regret it too, so it is a little bit painful, but it's also like maybe something is registering for him. - Rachel: I don't know. But then again, his actions speak a lot louder than his words. He knows what words to say, and then it seems that he fails to follow through with meaningful action. And that's where true amends come into play.
There was just, I feel like, a lot of pain in the room all around. You kind of acknowledged that at the beginning of this episode. What do you think that this pain, and even Lala saying that she was okay seeing some of those friendships end, what do you think that means for the future of this group? (Timestamp: 16:07) - Rachel: I don't see much of the future for this group. It looks pretty shattered. It looks like these friendships are not healthy friendships. - Rachel: The dynamic between Lala and Scheana is not a healthy dynamic. It seems to be like a power imbalance. It seems like Scheana is trying to appease Lala to make sure she's secure, and she's getting certain needs met in that friendship because Ariana hasn't been around for Scheana the way that she's used to. - Rachel: Yeah, you could tell that Scheana’s struggling with coping with that. It seems like Lala's really on a wavelength of not effing with anybody on the cast right now. It seems like her friendship with Katie isn't strong because Katie's gotten really close with Ariana. - Rachel: It seems like even her friendship with Scheana is a little rocky. I think she sees Scheana as someone that's not...How do I want to say this? - Rachel: And I hate saying this word, because I don't want to like categorize somebody as something, especially because I've been called this before too. But I think seeing how Lala reacted to everything and how Scheana was trying to be the fixer and appease Lala, and it just didn't seem like enough for Lala. I think Lala sees Scheana as someone who is weak, perceived weakness. - Rachel: I'm not saying that Scheana is weak. And I think that there's a lot of alliances and manipulation happening, and none of that is healthy for our friendship dynamic. I can see why the show is taking a hiatus, because it just seems so fractured
Well, it definitely seems like at the very end of the episode, Scheana was very sure to get that last word in. I felt like she was looking directly at Lala and almost begging for her to hear her out that she was on her side. And it really did seem like the very end, Scheana had to choose. Is she Team Ariana or Team Lala? Do you think she made the right choice? Do you think she needed to make a choice, or do you think that she's putting this pressure on herself? (Timestamp: 18:21) - Rachel: Ooh, that's a good question. I think she feels a lot of pressure from the outside perspective, and she doesn't want to, obviously, like burn bridges with Ariana or anything. And I think Ariana has been very gracious towards Scheana. Do I think that she needed to choose sides? I don't think so. I don't know. - Rachel: I can see Lala's frustration probably because I'm sure Sheena and Lala have had conversations about the whole situation. And without Ariana there, I'm sure Sheena's singing a much different tune than what we're hearing at the reunion, and that's sparking some frustration in Lala. And I'm sure that was a similar feeling when she called out Katie about it too. - Rachel: So yeah, I think that Lala feels pretty isolated, I want to say, in her feelings. And now that it's aired, and I did check Reddit for the first time in a very, very long time, it seems like the majority of people are hating on Lala right now. I'm human. - Rachel: I do hold some resentment towards Lala for the way that she's treated me over the years. I do empathize with her a little bit because all the hate online is just a little bit ridiculous. And I think also people are afraid to speak a differing opinion than the team Ariana side because people are just ruthless online and they don't want to hear a differing opinion. - Rachel: And if you do, then you get shunned out, too. It's very, my therapist calls it tribal shaming, where if you're not following the rules of the tribe, spoken or unspoken, then you're cast out and you're shunned.
***ads play and podcast resumes at 23:24
I mean, it does feel like the fans have had more of an impact on this season than ever. Would you agree with that? (Timestamp: 23:24) - Rachel: Yeah, especially because as they were filming this show, the fans were boots on the ground. We're going to production, we're going to filming, and we're going to take photos and document what we saw and all that stuff. Like it was very interactive in a way. - Rachel: I think with after show this year, it was a little bit different because some things have changed since the ending of filming last summer. One of the things was me starting my own podcast and speaking freely about my experience and my opinion and the after show gave the cast an opportunity to rebut what I was saying and it provided more of a context. - Rachel: And I think with more time passing from the end of filming last summer to, you know, early January, February of this year, when they filmed the after shows, cast dynamics shifted because as we all know, now watching the finale, Lala and Ariana did not end on a good note whatsoever. - Rachel: And so, you know, she had some choice of words to say during the after shows. And it seemed like she really got Sheena to support her with that.
Speaking about the fracturing of this cast, something about her did recently open. Not many cast members were in attendance to this opening. What's your take on that? (Timestamp: 24:56) - Rachel: Interesting. Do you know who went? - iHeart Lady: I know Schwartz went - Rachel: It seems a little telling that maybe Sheena and Lala aren't on the best terms with Ariana right now, because they went to like the Broadway opening that Ariana did for Chicago. And they also went to Dancing with the Stars. But this is all before they knew that she didn't watch the show. And so that was all before the reunion and everything. So yeah, it seems like maybe they're not on the best of terms right now.
What are your thoughts on production holding the last five minutes until the reunion to show to everyone? (Timestamp: 25:47) - Rachel: I wonder if they got word that Ariana wasn't watching the season. And they did that as a way to ensure that they would get a reaction from her, kind of like forcing her hand a little bit, forcing her into a situation that she did not want to be in. It was very strategic in that way. And it was something new. Like, we've never done that before. It was creative, for sure, on production's part.
Do you think it was fair to Ariana? (Timestamp: 26:27) - Rachel: There's a commitment, and part of that is watching the show and having an opinion on what's happening besides your own story that you're sharing. So in a way, it's like ensuring that Ariana did have an opinion on it. So very eye opening, to say the least.
I want your take on Tom's final words. He says, I love it. It's good for me. A lot of people in the room were very shocked by that. Tom even has a reaction to it, where he shakes his head no. They didn't even really press him on what he meant by that either. What's your take on all of that? (Timestamp: 26:49) - Rachel: I wish they pressed him on what he meant by that a little bit more. And Ariana was pretty much the only person that called him out on it too. She caught it. - Rachel: She was like, that exactly proves my point, that you are doing things for the audience, for the production value, and for his own story purposes. I guess in Tom's eyes, having Ariana refuse to film and walk off was good for him because he felt like he completed his job and fulfilled his duty with what production was asking from him. And Ariana was not. - Rachel: And I think selfishly, he probably thought that it would give him a better chance of having more of a redemption story. - Rachel: Because, ultimately, production is the one picking and choosing what they're going to share on the show and edit and put certain music behind certain scenes to make it seem even more of a certain way. Tom knows how to play into that. But I would have loved to hear what his explanation for that comment would be.
Why do you think they didn't press him? (Timestamp: 28:34) - Rachel: I think that they're protecting him, like they always have been.
We did see something interesting at the very end with Lisa stepping up and taking Ariana's side, which is kind of a different tune. You've talked about this before, where she seems to protect the guys a lot of the time, but then she changes her tune at the very end of the episode and takes Ariana's side. What are your thoughts on that? (Timestamp: 28:39) - Rachel: I think Lisa is very strategic with what she puts out there as well. And she knows what people are saying about her, with her always supporting the guys. So that could have been a motivation behind her changing her tune and supporting Ariana in that way. Yeah, I don't know. It's hard because I think also Lisa is very aware of who the fan favorites are. It's her show. - Rachel: She's an executive producer on this show. So she's not a dummy when it's coming to that. I think it helps her if she is supporting Ariana because she'll praise Ariana for walking away and end up holding her boundaries. - Rachel: But then when it comes to me, I don't even remember what she said about me. But when it comes to me walking away and setting a boundary for myself, I've been told that I'm a coward and I'm running away from my problems. - Rachel: So that part for me gets a little frustrating because it's like, and also the fans praising Ariana for upholding her boundaries and walking away and supporting her and telling her like, you know, she's outgrown this show. - Rachel: She should move on and do something even better with her life. And she's finding out now that these aren't her true friends and like good for her for upholding her boundaries and walking away from this situation. And I've done the same thing and it has been met with scrutiny.
Lala compares her situation with Randall to Ariana a lot throughout this reunion. Do you think the two are similar at all? (Timestamp: 30:37) - Rachel: I don't think that the relationship that Lala had with Randall is comparable to the situation that Tom and Ariana were in. It's hard to get on Lala's side with some of the things that she's saying, because the way that she spoke about her relationship with Randall is like bragging about doing BJs for PJs and getting gifted a Range Rover very early in their relationship and not being honest about who she was seeing and the situation that was happening basically. And it just seemed like she was in it for the money and like to secure her success and fame. - Rachel: So it's hard to get behind that, especially when she's been so outright about it. Unfortunately, Randall wasn't the stand up guy that she was selling him to be. We weren't buying it. - Rachel: In Ariana's case, viewers got to see that relationship develop over the years, whereas with Lala's, he wasn't around, like it was secret for a while. And, you know, it's harder to develop feelings towards a person or a relationship when you're not seeing it play out on camera. I think Lala has a lot of anger, maybe even towards herself, for the situation that she allowed herself to be in. And I think she might be taking that out on Ariana.
How hard is it to be really honest when you're in this position? And do you think certain cast members have an easier time doing this? (Timestamp: 32:22) - Rachel: So this is like where your own values come in. Like, are you an honest person or are you not? Because there are people in this cast that are not, and we know who they are, and they have no problem lying, and it doesn't bother them when they lie. - Rachel: And for me, I'm working towards living a more authentic, honest life. And part of that is being honest with my emotions, thoughts, and feelings, and expressing that, and doing that in a way that is still respectful, because I'm not trying to hurt people in the process. And I am trying to express myself honestly and be true to myself. - Rachel: So I think it just depends on who you're asking. I mean, it's definitely not easy. It's definitely hard because you're on this platform, this public arena where you're opening yourself up to scrutiny. - Rachel: And if other people have differing opinions than you do, or if your opinion is the minority, you're basically going to be harassed and scrutinized. And so sometimes for people, it's easier to not be fully honest with their thoughts and feelings in order to save face or in order to go with more popular opinion because it's perceived to be safer that way. But I don't know. - Rachel: At this point, it's like your words aren't going to hurt me. You can say whatever you want to say about me online, and I've survived this far. So whatever else you say about me is not going to affect me any more than it already has. - Rachel: I've developed thick skin through this process, and I've come to the point where I value my friendships that are real in the sense of I interact with these people in real life. I care more about people's perception of me when they actually meet me and interact with me and the vibes I give off that way. So you get to a certain point where it's almost your duty to show up for yourself and be honest with how you feel and how you think about a certain thing in that moment. - Rachel: And your opinions can change with time too and with more information. It's not like I'm going to say this one thing and I'm always going to feel this way. It's always changing, it's always developing, we're always getting more information, and we're always experiencing new things that change our perspective on life. - Rachel: So it's just your duty to represent yourself in the most authentic way so that your people will find you.
***ads play and podcast resumes at 38:08
Well, I think there was one kind of shining moment, I'll say, even though it was a really emotional moment. But the moment between, and this is a little bit of a pivot, but the moment between Schwartz and Katie, I found really interesting, where Andy was asking about their relationship. It seemed like this season, they had a little bit more of a playful dynamic. But Schwartz gets really emotional, saying that he doesn't regret how their relationship ended. But you can kind of see in his eyes that he tears well up. He gets really emotional. What did you make of that moment? (Timestamp: 38:08) - Rachel: We don't think we've really seen a moment like that between Tom, Schwartz, and Katie. It really seems like they've come to terms with how the relationship ended, and that it was for the best. But it seemed like there was a lot of fond memories and just appreciation for one another, that I don't think I've really seen that dynamic between them before. - iHeart Lady: To me, it seemed like in a season where there was a lot of hurt, that seemed like the one moment of maybe seeing two people that are going through the process of healing. - Rachel: Viewing that, it did seem like they were both coming from a place of healing, because they weren't throwing insults at each other or trying to bring each other down. It was very respecting one another and appreciating the moments that they did have together while it lasted. And that's refreshing to see on this show.
Lala said something at the very end where she said it was really hard for her to show up to season nine reunion, I believe it was. You know, she didn't want to talk about certain things, but she showed up. Ariana said the same thing where she could say the same about the season 10 reunion. She didn't want to be there. You could probably say the same thing about the season 10 reunion. You didn't want to be there as well. Is it fair to say everyone's been in a position where they didn't want to be somewhere, but they did anyway? (Timestamp: 39:44) - Rachel: 100%. Yeah, totally. And that's like the part of committing to this show. It's a commitment. And even though you don't quite know what you're signing up for, you know that it's not going to be necessarily easy. And there's a challenge in that. - Rachel: And I think, just speaking for myself, there was an opportunity for growth for me in that. Yeah, I think we've all been in a situation where we didn't want to show up for something and felt, I don't think obligated is the right word, but we made a commitment to being there, and we followed through with our commitment. And it's hard.
You started this episode off by acknowledging that there was a lot of healing that this cast needs to do. As someone who has taken a step back from filming, you've had this time to kind of come back to your own reality. What can this cast expect when you have that moment to kind of breathe and have that separation and you rejoin reality for a minute? (Timestamp: 41:07) - Rachel: Oh, okay. That is a loaded question. Because I think that there's a little bit of fear with not being the current topic of conversation. - Rachel: I think addiction is the wrong word, but there's a little bit of the dopamine hits that you get when you're being talked about on a reality TV show and the fear of that going away permanently could be a scary thing. But taking time off and re-centering with yourself, I think is like the best thing for this cast right now, because we don't want to be forced into situations that we don't want to be in. That's not living an authentic life. - Rachel: I mean, I've been worrying about scenes and storylines, and I haven't even been a part of this show, but now it feels good not to worry about that. And I do have to say, just like reading all the comments on Reddit right now, it's like hardly anybody is talking about me, which is a great feeling. It's just so much more freeing when you're not living your life for somebody else's entertainment anymore. - Rachel: It just feels like you get your life back a little bit. It's so complex, and I think it's hard to understand if you haven't been through being on a TV show for millions of people to comment on and judge your life. I don't think humans are meant for that, and there's no way that that's healthy. - Rachel: Yeah, I said that I think the cast, we have a lot of healing to do. We, as in, I still do too, and part of that is coming back to reality. And I really don't think that we've had a minute this whole season. I think it's going to be good for everyone.
Has this year though felt different to you? I feel like you're like half in, half out (Timestamp: 43:42) - Rachel: Oh, yeah, it's felt so different. But I think like a large part of that has to do with going to the meadows and really reconnecting with myself and learning about my issues and how it was showing up for me and really coming to terms with like, what is this piece of external validation and how is that motivating me? And is it even real? - Rachel: And just like really re centering back into myself and gaining a lot more perspective with that. Without the meadows, I would not be where I am right now. There's no freaking way. So it is. I'm living a new life. I really am. - Rachel: And I feel like I haven't really been able to truly have the opportunity to live my new life to the fullest because this show has been holding me back. And I know that that's partially my fault too because I'm indulging and speaking about it, but I'm really looking forward to the days when I can truly move forward and evolve into something even more magnificent.
Outro (Timestamp: 45:02) - Rachel: Thank you so much for listening to Rachel Goes Rogue. Follow us on Instagram and TikTok for exclusive video content at Rachel Goes Rogue Podcast.
***end

Hi, David here!
One of the most powerful things that a pause can convey is the fact that you are not being reactive. A short pause or silence before you respond to another person shows that you are grounded and not easily shaken or made uncomfortable by their words or the situation. It also gives you time to collect your thoughts and not respond in a purely emotional way.
In some cases its ok to even completely dismiss something or not respond to it at all. Especially if it is illogical, non-meaningful or only being done to provoke you. You can frame something as being so far-fetched or ridiculous that it’s not even worth acknowledging.
Many guys make the mistake of reacting to other peoples judgments by instantly qualifying themselves. They become either defensive or unnecessary apologetic over something that another person may of took the slightest offence to or disagreed with it. A defensive posture communicates that one is not self-secure, while an overly apologetic reaction shows a lack of conviction as well as confidence in yourself.
Such behavior can also convey neediness, where you so heavily desire the other person to like or accept you that you are willing to change what you say. And if you are willing to change what you say in order to get another person to like you, that means that you are not communicating honestly. And if a person does not feel like you are truly being your honest self with them, then they won’t trust you, respect you or find you attractive.
So the next time you feel the need the instantly blurt out an emotional retort to someone, try pausing first instead.
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BTW, I wanted to let you know that I just finished putting together my eBook "Bros Guide to Meeting Women" version 4.0 and would LOVE to get some honest feedback from you!
I decided to give it away for free for the time being.
​
The eBook is 27 pages long and gives you a practical step-by-step solution to meeting women (15+ years of knowledge put into it).
You can get the eBook by clicking here!
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This book is the result of going out and socializing with girls for over a decade. I have put in there all the fundamentals I have learned over that time so I would really appreciate all the feedback I could get!!
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What are your thoughts? Do you have any tips to add?
Let's discuss in the comments :)
Thanks for reading and have a GREAT day!
David Davidson

I say almost because it will be officially three months and a few days, but we’re pretty much there! here to bring you guys an update on my personal experience after having my mirena taken out. how I’m feeling, any changes to my body just in case anybody is going through it. you’re not alone! And it does get better!
I had my mirena taken out on April 3rd of this year. I got it taken out for several reasons, you can see all my previous post.

1. anxiety. This was one of the main reasons I got it taken out in the first place because I have no history of any mental health issues. which I speculate the IUD is the reason as to why all of a sudden these issues are present. I’m very in tune with my body so I can almost immediately when something is different. it was a few things that I cut out of my diet. I don’t really drink soda anymore or any caffeine, I used (quit now) to smoke (🍃), which I used to do regularly is now one of the main contributors to spiked anxiety. and sometimes I just randomly have a minor episode. I’ve had four panic attacks total not back to back. I just started to recognize the signs and do certain exercises to relieve myself of that I’m still in the process of figuring out what works best for me when I get in those situations. I do speak to a therapist, she’s been a pretty good help. I also have been taking supplements and vitamins that have actually been helping me. I drink tea more often, as well as try to stay hydrated. Even though I don’t want to try to get out the house more and do things that I enjoy. Now that we’re at the three month mark, my anxiety is not as present as it was before. There was a time where I could barely do anything (mixed with depression). now I somewhat have a desire to actually get up and go do things now, it’s gradually getting back where it was, but it’s still taking some time.
   
2. depression. as of three months without my Iud, I feel like my depression is present, but not as much. i’m gonna try to explain the best way I can, but I’m a person who is jumping at the opportunity to do things especially outside the house. I mentioned that I’m getting more comfortable as days go on which I definitely am I still have phases where I’m quite irritable and spacey. I am more open to talking to people now, because you could literally go days without hearing from me.
   
3. period. May 20 is when I got my first period. I was cramping. I had a migraine, it lasted for about five days. I had some concerns because before my period had started I actually had a UTI and as soon as I started to take the medication, I was prescribed by a doctor. That’s when my period started. I’m pretty sure it was a regular period and I’m just overthinking it but I’m supposed to be starting another one in about 12 days so we’ll see what happens because some people say that they have a period and then they don’t have another one for a while and I’m just kind of at the point where I just want things to be normal
   
4. skin. I mentioned this previously, but my skin isn’t as itchy anymore. My eczema flair up only itches sometimes
   

All and all, I’m starting to feel more like myself. Again, I think I just need a little bit more time, but I can feel the difference between now and then. I did plan a trip which I’m hoping I’m able to go and I’m already getting nervous ahead of time so we’ll see see what happens. 😭

1) I hate restrictions. I hate things and relationships that make me unable to act naturally and freely. 2) I am suspicious of most things, and cannot quickly trust people or information, even if it is from fairly reliable sources, etc. 3) Confidentiality. 4) I love to learn a lot, especially if it is related to topics that interest me. 5) I always like to think rationally and logically, and I always try to be logical. 6) I am able to relate events well. 7) I don't like to depend on anyone or anything. I like to rely only on myself. 8) I prefer to be alone and do the things I love alone. 9) I like to learn through my previous experiences. 10) My style of discussion is: I listen to the other party and wait for him to complete his point of view, even if his point of view conflicts with mine. I try to understand his point of view and see the evidence and arguments. If I am convinced, this is normal, and if I am not convinced, this is normal. I am one of the calmest people in the debate and the type who does not attack, does not rush, or gets angry because the other party does not resemble my point of view. 11) The first impression of me is always that I am quiet, I don't talk much, and I am somewhat serious, and people almost avoid me at first because of my semi-serious appearance. 12) People call me cold.. 13) I don't take the initiative. 14) If I'm with people I care about, I'll talk and laugh normally, but if I don't like people, they'll see me as cold and not talking much. 15) I ignore a lot. 16) I do not like for anyone to praise me because I do not know what to do or what is the appropriate reaction to give, so I try to ignore the praise and treat myself as if I do not hear it, and if I want to say something, I will just say thank you. 17) I always hide my feelings, I do not like to show them to anyone, and I always suppress them. 18) I value personal space very much, and I do not like anyone to enter my life, nor do I like to enter people’s lives. 19) I like to help people I care about. 20) I am afraid to show people facts about me because I am afraid that people will use them against me 21) I do not like to be a leader, but if there is no leader and I see that everyone is not good at assuming the leadership position, then I donate and take it and be strict and harsh because I believe that the quality of strictness should be in a leader. 22) Care a lot about how some things work. 23) I love sports. For example, I love martial arts, I love running, I love playing football, etc., but I do not practice them because circumstances do not allow me. 24) I love scientific things such as mathematics and physics, and I love learning them and delving into them. 25) I don't make detailed long-term plans for the future. If I want to make plans, I'll make plans with bullet points or simple details, but more often than not I make plans with bullet points to the point that it's very natural for me to keep them in my head, and not have to write them down on notes or paper so I can remember them. 26) I hate emotional talk. 27) I hate physical contact. 28) I like to take things apart to see how they work and what they are made of. I don't fix it, but I would like to know how it works. 29) I don’t like compliments, so I don’t always compliment and be honest. 30) I get bored quickly sometimes. 31) I don't care about people leaving my life, this is very normal for me and I get over it very quickly. 32) I don't think about the future or the past much. Mostly, I focus on the present. 33) To be honest, sometimes I like rules and follow them, but not always. 34) I always like to search for the exact meaning of words. 35) I am always interested in developing myself scientifically. 36) I like deep and realistic thoughts. 37) I love and appreciate respect, and if I respect someone and he does not respect me, I will get angry and perhaps hurt him. 38) I do not like when others underestimate my abilities, and if someone underestimates my abilities, I try to prove my abilities to him. 39) I show my interest in a person through actions, not words. I show this by encouraging and supporting him with what he does, sharing tips, sharing my knowledge with him, asking how he is doing, helping him when he needs me, but I never like emotional talk. 40) I'm not a bit of a nervous person. 41) I know a lot about my surroundings without any effort on my part, but I do not talk about it. 42) I like to go to the library and read books there, but circumstances do not allow me to read books on the Internet. 43) I can do things even if I don't know how. I mean I can draw even though I don't know. I mean my senses are almost ready to do anything, even if I don't know. 44) I prefer to learn by myself. 45) At first people are always afraid to approach me because I look serious and sharp, but only when you get to know me. If people I feel comfortable with and care about. I will be helpful, I can be kind, I will joke with them and laugh. I'm the exact opposite when I'm with people I don't feel comfortable with and I don't care about them. 46) If someone asks for an opinion on something, I will give him my advice based on my previous experiences, analysis of the situation, and the information I have on this topic. 47) I hate being controlled by people. 48) I have good self-confidence. 49) I love realistic and tangible things, and I can use my senses with them, and I love applying them to reality if they can be applied to reality. 50) I like isolation and do not like meeting people. 51) I don't laugh a lot, but I smile and not a lot either. 52) Almost everyone around me says I'm complicated. 53) I do not like noise, loud voices, and screaming. 54) I don't cry much and it's rare for me to do so. 55) I have a kind of apathy. 56) When I am with myself, I feel comfortable, entertained, and happy, unlike when I am with others. 57) I don't care about the things that surround me if they don't interest me. 58) I hate memories, and if people give me a memory, I will throw it away. The thing is, I hate memories and I hate making memories in general. 59) I have a fairly good sense of humor, but it doesn't show to anyone and doesn't always show. 60) I don't complain, I hate complaining, and I hate people who complain a lot. 61) I have an obsession with education and knowledge. I'm literally afraid that I won't be able to think logically and correctly because I don't have enough knowledge, so I love learning and I love knowledge. 62) Maybe I am mysterious and I keep many things in my life and do not reveal them. 63) Not committed most of the time. 64) I don't care about criticism. 65) I never, ever give up, whenever I fail, I try again. 66) I have a little bit of narcissism and a little bit of paranoia to a degree that is not always obvious. 67) One time a family member told me that you always answer me (it's normal, it's not a problem, I don't know....) My answers are like this because the topic does not interest me. This means that if something doesn't matter to me, I can't pretend that I do. 68) I was described as not caring about people’s feelings, cold and very frank, not interested in relationships, quiet, mysterious, flexible in speech, with a courageous personality, good at school, intelligent and introverted.
Note: I will take your opinions as a guess only because no one knows themselves better than themselves.

1) I hate restrictions. I hate things and relationships that make me unable to act naturally and freely. 2) I am suspicious of most things, and cannot quickly trust people or information, even if it is from fairly reliable sources, etc. 3) Confidentiality. 4) I love to learn a lot, especially if it is related to topics that interest me. 5) I always like to think rationally and logically, and I always try to be logical. 6) I am able to relate events well. 7) I don't like to depend on anyone or anything. I like to rely only on myself. 8) I prefer to be alone and do the things I love alone. 9) I like to learn through my previous experiences. 10) My style of discussion is: I listen to the other party and wait for him to complete his point of view, even if his point of view conflicts with mine. I try to understand his point of view and see the evidence and arguments. If I am convinced, this is normal, and if I am not convinced, this is normal. I am one of the calmest people in the debate and the type who does not attack, does not rush, or gets angry because the other party does not resemble my point of view. 11) The first impression of me is always that I am quiet, I don't talk much, and I am somewhat serious, and people almost avoid me at first because of my semi-serious appearance. 12) People call me cold.. 13) I don't take the initiative. 14) If I'm with people I care about, I'll talk and laugh normally, but if I don't like people, they'll see me as cold and not talking much. 15) I ignore a lot. 16) I do not like for anyone to praise me because I do not know what to do or what is the appropriate reaction to give, so I try to ignore the praise and treat myself as if I do not hear it, and if I want to say something, I will just say thank you. 17) I always hide my feelings, I do not like to show them to anyone, and I always suppress them. 18) I value personal space very much, and I do not like anyone to enter my life, nor do I like to enter people’s lives. 19) I like to help people I care about. 20) I am afraid to show people facts about me because I am afraid that people will use them against me 21) I do not like to be a leader, but if there is no leader and I see that everyone is not good at assuming the leadership position, then I donate and take it and be strict and harsh because I believe that the quality of strictness should be in a leader. 22) Care a lot about how some things work. 23) I love sports. For example, I love martial arts, I love running, I love playing football, etc., but I do not practice them because circumstances do not allow me. 24) I love scientific things such as mathematics and physics, and I love learning them and delving into them. 25) I don't make detailed long-term plans for the future. If I want to make plans, I'll make plans with bullet points or simple details, but more often than not I make plans with bullet points to the point that it's very natural for me to keep them in my head, and not have to write them down on notes or paper so I can remember them. 26) I hate emotional talk. 27) I hate physical contact. 28) I like to take things apart to see how they work and what they are made of. I don't fix it, but I would like to know how it works. 29) I don’t like compliments, so I don’t always compliment and be honest. 30) I get bored quickly sometimes. 31) I don't care about people leaving my life, this is very normal for me and I get over it very quickly. 32) I don't think about the future or the past much. Mostly, I focus on the present. 33) To be honest, sometimes I like rules and follow them, but not always. 34) I always like to search for the exact meaning of words. 35) I am always interested in developing myself scientifically. 36) I like deep and realistic thoughts. 37) I love and appreciate respect, and if I respect someone and he does not respect me, I will get angry and perhaps hurt him. 38) I do not like when others underestimate my abilities, and if someone underestimates my abilities, I try to prove my abilities to him. 39) I show my interest in a person through actions, not words. I show this by encouraging and supporting him with what he does, sharing tips, sharing my knowledge with him, asking how he is doing, helping him when he needs me, but I never like emotional talk. 40) I'm not a bit of a nervous person. 41) I know a lot about my surroundings without any effort on my part, but I do not talk about it. 42) I like to go to the library and read books there, but circumstances do not allow me to read books on the Internet. 43) I can do things even if I don't know how. I mean I can draw even though I don't know. I mean my senses are almost ready to do anything, even if I don't know. 44) I prefer to learn by myself. 45) At first people are always afraid to approach me because I look serious and sharp, but only when you get to know me. If people I feel comfortable with and care about. I will be helpful, I can be kind, I will joke with them and laugh. I'm the exact opposite when I'm with people I don't feel comfortable with and I don't care about them. 46) If someone asks for an opinion on something, I will give him my advice based on my previous experiences, analysis of the situation, and the information I have on this topic. 47) I hate being controlled by people. 48) I have good self-confidence. 49) I love realistic and tangible things, and I can use my senses with them, and I love applying them to reality if they can be applied to reality. 50) I like isolation and do not like meeting people. 51) I don't laugh a lot, but I smile and not a lot either. 52) Almost everyone around me says I'm complicated. 53) I do not like noise, loud voices, and screaming. 54) I don't cry much and it's rare for me to do so. 55) I have a kind of apathy. 56) When I am with myself, I feel comfortable, entertained, and happy, unlike when I am with others. 57) I don't care about the things that surround me if they don't interest me. 58) I hate memories, and if people give me a memory, I will throw it away. The thing is, I hate memories and I hate making memories in general. 59) I have a fairly good sense of humor, but it doesn't show to anyone and doesn't always show. 60) I don't complain, I hate complaining, and I hate people who complain a lot. 61) I have an obsession with education and knowledge. I'm literally afraid that I won't be able to think logically and correctly because I don't have enough knowledge, so I love learning and I love knowledge. 62) Maybe I am mysterious and I keep many things in my life and do not reveal them. 63) Not committed most of the time. 64) I don't care about criticism. 65) I never, ever give up, whenever I fail, I try again. 66) I have a little bit of narcissism and a little bit of paranoia to a degree that is not always obvious. 67) One time a family member told me that you always answer me (it's normal, it's not a problem, I don't know....) My answers are like this because the topic does not interest me. This means that if something doesn't matter to me, I can't pretend that I do. 68) I was described as not caring about people’s feelings, cold and very frank, not interested in relationships, quiet, mysterious, flexible in speech, with a courageous personality, good at school, intelligent and introverted.
Note: I will take your opinions as a guess only because no one knows themselves better than themselves.

Hey everyone, I don't expect anyone to reply to this as it'll probably be shrouded by the other posts. Just needed somewhere to write it all down.
My life has never been good. I've had moments of happiness, even for extended periods of time, but never for longer than a few months at most. I grew up in a horrible environments in and out of CPS where my Mum finally got custody of me at age 3, after I remained in a foster home for around 6 months. My Mom tried so hard for me, even until she won her court case against my birth Father. Until I was around 12, I was raised in a fairly normal environment by myself. Most of my childhood I never endured abuse or anything like that. It wasn't until I was 12, shit got real. At that age, people deemed my problems invalid because I was so young and "it couldn't be that bad" or "other people have it worse". I could never tell my Mum because I didn't want to dissapoint her and make it seem like all her efforts were for naught. As such, I sat alone with my problems, occasionally talking to people online, but nothing helped. When I turned 13, I discovered herbal cigarettes for the first time. I would roll a herb (usually something that produced a relaxing effect or a minor hallucinagen) and smoke it on my porch when my parents weren't home. After I first tried it, I told myself, "It was a good stress reliever, but I'm not gonna do this again. It's bad for me." This cycle repeated daily for around a month. Eventually, my parents found out. Despite my worries, they weren't mad. But the dissapointment in my Mum's eyes were unreal.
This was the moment where I first lost my parents trust.
Eventually, I stopped, as my parents hid everything away from me. Because of this I never wanted to be at my house, so I was with a new group of "friends: I had made. There was this one guy, who I'll name John. John shared a lot of my common interests, and would talk to me during class and we'd hang out at the centre of our city pretty often, just us two messing around and having fun, like a bunch of 8th grade boys. This lasted for a few months. I had one of the best birthdays ever with him. Around a month afterwards, this man somehow tricked me into sending nudes to him. I'm a straight man. I thought this was another one of his jokes and we'd be chill afterwards.
I was wrong.
The next day, I went to school surrounded by weirded stares and comments on the situation. I knew then, that I seriously fucked up bad. I somehow got myself out of the situation by saying it wasn't me, but my friendship with John was diminished. Despite this, he was the only friend I actually hung out with consistently after that. I dealt with his remarks in the times in the future, which grew more and more consistent as the times went on. I knew I had to let him go after he told my principle that I had a weapon on me for self defense (which basically everyone in my city does), which nearly led to me being suspended. Eventually, I abandoned him all together, and ran with whatever little amount of pride I had left. I fell into a huge state of depression after this. Even my online friends didn't want me anymore. Someone had accused me of being a pedophile and falsified screenshots. I had no one.
One day, after school, a friend who I wasn't particularly close with wanted to hang out with me after school. He mentioned his parents had a cabinet full of alcohol.
Seeing no danger with this, I accepted without hesitation. This was my first experience with alcohol. I got wasted with him, and for the first time in months, my worries washed away. Eventually, this became a weekly occurance. I would tell my parents I was going to the park, but instead I would get drunk with my friend. This soon became the only way I could live without stress. Around this time, I became closer with an acuqainted friend and his friend group, who we'll call Terry and his friends. Terry was a chill guy. We didn't share all the same interests, but he liked me for who I was. He didn't care about my past. I became closer with his friends, too. Eventually this became my new friend group. Around the time I formed this new friend group, I stopped going drinking with my other friend. Not because I didn't want to, but because he stopped pestering me to hang out with him like he did the months before. Instead, the roles were reversed at that point. Me and this friend group started hanging out more, and more, and more.
During this time, I met my first love. It was online, but it felt like the best thing in the world. We were young, and stupid. She was beautiful. I remember first talking to her on the phone on the plane ride to my Uncle's wedding. I decided to myself that I really liked this girl. I wanted her more than anything. I remember she was the only thing I dedicated myself for. Something I felt was worth being there for. I finally felt like I had some worth for the first time in forever. I should mention this was slightly before the drinking thing. We talked, we called, we loved for two whole weeks. Towards the end, I made the stupid mistake of telling her that "if I didn't meet her I probably would've killed myself". This wasn't entirely true. I was depressed before talking to her, but I don't think I was suicidal. However, this seemed to be a problem for her. Apparently, she felt trapped. Thus, she left me. I remember having to hide my heartbreak from my parents. I shortly got over it, however, and met a new girl from my school. I realize now I didn't love her, I loved the idea of being in a relationship. I remember joking to my ex about how bad my girtlfriend at the time was. After a while, she found out I was following other girls on instagram. I denied it at first, but discovered it was an opportunity to pin a breakup on her not trusting me enough, so I used that reason and dumped her. She later told the whole school I was unloyal (which I wasn't, I didn't even talk to the girls I followed). She proceeded to post shitty photos of me on her tiktok account. I remember being fuming. If sonething so small was the worst of my problems now, I would be blissful happy right now. A few weeks afterwards, I got back with my first ex. This time, it was one sided. After just over a month, I began to look at girls in my class with desire. I completely broke it off with my ex, telling her I didn't love her anymore. Years later, I still regret this decision. She accepted this, and we remained friends. Every time I felt lonely, I would talk to her again, and we would begin talking like we were together again. This repeated for around 6 months. We kept talking until around a few months ago, where I discovered she blocked me out of nowhere. I believe it was out of respect for her new boyfriend, which I respect.
After we had broken it off for the final time, I began spending time outside of school with my new friend group. Slowly, we began to hang out more and more. I even found a new girlfriend, which I had found off of quick add on snapchat, lol. Around Christmas, things went downhill. My friends asked a personal question, which was whether my girlfriend had sent me explicit pictures (i thought it would make me sound cooler if I said yes), but then they caught me in the lie, and they immediately lost trust for me. I saw the same look in their eyes as I saw in my Mother. Distrust. I tried to salvage the friendship, but I new it wouldn't be the same ever again. It still isn't. I saw the cycle repeat itself. Like last time, I left my girlfriend because I lost interest. I began to become depressed again. I started vaping and drinking to escape the pain. I didn't care as much about my looks anymore. I remember having one of the worst heartbreaks of my life afterwards. I told myself I wouldn't date ever again. I still hung out with my friends, but we all knew inside that we didnt care for each other as much as we acted. For around a month, I lived life in a cycle. A depressed cycle. One day, I caught a glimpse of a girl in my class who was exactly my type in a woman, physically and mentally. I knew she was far too good for me. I barely talked to her, and didn't have her on any social media. I eventually got the courage one afternoon to add her on snapchat, after one of my friends gave me her snap. This was after a mutual friend informed me that she found me attractive, which I didn't buy. The night I added her, we talked, and I rememebr playing games with her and her friends. It was one of the best nights I've ever had. I fucked up my sleep sdchedule just to speak to her longer. I got to know her more, and more. She was the most beautiful and perfect girl in the world. My eternal bliss lasted for a week. I had ordered flowers to ask her out with and I had the whole thing planned out with her friends. I remember going to my first work shift, and coming home, and getting a message from her:
"Hey, I think I'm lesbian. It's not your fault, I promise. I'm so sorry."
I was heartbroken, I kept tryna suffocated myself over and over again. I asked her why, what her thought process was. She eventually tired of my questions and she said that I was being a dick about it. I ended up sending her a message later that day telling her that I was sorry for being a dick about it (I still don't know what I did wrong). I didn't go to school the next day. I remember avoiding her hard for the whole rest of the school term. I was insanely depressed afterwards, the worst I've ever felt. she was the best thing that ever happened to me. I tried weed for the first time afterwards, it was mesmerising. It nearly compared to the feeling of being with her. But it was only a temporary escape. As the weeks went on, I became more and more depressed. Then, my parents found out I smoked weed, and my own mother told the police (I still dont know if thats morally right and im overthinking it) and my whole family found out and now hates me. I'm scheduled to see them tomorrow. I'm being illegally overowkred by my job, and I can;t do anything about it. I didn;t show up today, I'm probably already fired. I tried a cigarette today, it was one last thing I wanted to know before I pass. I went to one last convension today, and asked God for a sign to keep living. I ended up meeting a girl, asking for her number, and she gave me her insta and messaged me "You really thought I'd date you? Not tryna be mean".
In three hours, it'll turn midnight. I'll go to a store, find nitrous oxide, and overdose on that. Asphyxiation isn't that painful. I have nothing at all.

In the Name of God, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
Peace be to you all.
Let's proceed to refute the second part of his "rebuttal," providing a brief yet precise rebuttal that will further expose his ignorance in the Hebrew language, and his knowledge of the Bible as well.
He writes:

The prophecy so closely matches those events that even scecular scholars agree which is the primary reason secular scholars date Daniel to just after these events. Their idea is the book is actually recording history but pretending to present prophecy.

But it doesn’t. Not even close. The chapter is about a prophet/messenger of God who brought a Holy Covenant. His successors fell into dispute over who was the rightful heir to his kingdom. The rightful successors were supposed to be his descendants (his followers), but that turned out not to be the case according to what verse 4 states. This is strikingly similar to how Islamic history played out.
He writes:

I'm not sure where Exion found this translation.

I found it here: biblehub - Pulpit's commentary. Literally a direct copy and paste. Not sure how he missed it.
Regarding the "The prophecy describes a sequence of events" thing he pointed out, I had already revised each verse from part 1 in part 2, and it now makes perfect sense. He should read part 2.
He writes:

A few things here. The verb is עמדים. The same verb is used in verse 3 and again in verse 4. Both cases it's referring to a king rising to power rather than rising against someone/somthing else. That context suggests the same meaning for the kings in verse 2. We also see verse 2 describing a king being against a nation when it says "he shall stir up all against the kingdom of Greece." This is a different verb and preposition.

Yes, I agree. 'Umar was the first king to rise in Persia when he fought the Persians and won. 'Uthman and 'Ali were the second and third kings, and Mu'awiyah was the fourth, the wealthy king. I'm not sure what he thinks he is refuting here because I literally wrote:
"This 'rising' could either be in support of Persia or in opposition to it. Remarkably, this aligns perfectly with the historical narrative of Islam, and here's why:..."
In other words, both interpretations align perfectly with the historical narrative of Islam. I believe he misunderstood that part; regardless, let's move on.

The Hebrew word is גִּבּוֹר which means strong/mighty not righteous

You also missed the part where I said that this would be made clear later in the chapter, specifically here:
Daniel 11:30:

• "...and he will be crushed, and he will return and be wroth with the holy covenant, and he will succeed, and he will return and contemplate those who abandoned the holy covenant."

The Holy Covenant was brought by the mighty king, of course. However, he completely missed this point and is portraying the Bible as if it prophesies random historical secular events and secular kings, like a history book, rather than a Holy Book foretelling the era of a prophet and a king, much like King David. He claims that secular scholars date Daniel to just after these events and believe the book is recording history while pretending to present prophecy. What a silly assertion. Don’t you think people would generally reject such false "prophecy" and declare them deviant liars, especially if they depicted events that had recently happened and everyone knew about? Both you and these secular scholars need to rethink your position because it is very unlikely (almost impossible to be true) and rather ridiculous, if I'm being very frank.
The chapter is about a prophet who brought a Holy Covenant from God, which is why it is literally called "Holy."
Definition of "Holy":

holy / ˈhəʊli / adjective
1.dedicated or consecrated to God or a religious purpose; sacred."the Holy Bible" Similar: sacred, consecrated, hallowed, sanctified, venerated, revered. (Source: Google)

The Bible is considered to be the Words of God (or inspired Words of God), and these Words literally call this Covenant "Holy." Meanwhile, you are deviating from this description by portraying an erroneous picture of a bunch of atheist ancient kings fighting each other over various kingdoms.
He writes:

The specific word is וּכְעָמְדוֹ. The וּ is the conjunctive. It's not a vav relative in this case since the verb tense isn't the perfect or imperfect The כְ is a Hebrew proposition added to the verb. The verb is עָמְד and the וֹ is a possesive suffix. The verb form is the infinitive construct. When that verb form is combined with the preposition כְ it indicates a temporal clause which is where the "as soon as" comes from. The possesive suffix indicates the subject of the verb which is where the "he" comes from. Combined with the verb we get as soon as he has risen. Exion's translation ignores the preposition and possesive suffix on the verb.

I will respond to each claim by giving it a short name and my rebuttal next to it:
Regarding: Conjunctive וּ: It is agreed that the וּ functions as a conjunctive "and" or "but," connecting phrases. This conjunction alone does not necessarily indicate a temporal clause.
Not a Vav Relative: Correct, this is not a vav relative case.
Preposition כְ: The preposition כְ does mean "like" or "as." While it can form a temporal clause in combination with an infinitive construct, this temporal interpretation must be contextually supported rather than assumed.
Verb עָמַד and Possessive Suffix וֹ: Correct, the verb עָמַד means "to stand" or "to arise," and the suffix וֹ indicates possession, translating to "his."
Infinitive Construct: Agreed, the form is an infinitive construct.
Temporal Clause Interpretation: While כְ combined with an infinitive construct can imply a temporal clause, translating it as "as soon as" is an interpretative choice. A more literal translation is "when he stood" or "as he stood," and any temporal implication would be derived from what you believe is the context.
Possessive Suffix: Agreed, the suffix וֹ indicates "he" or "his."
Your interpretation that it is saying "as soon as he has risen" adds a temporal nuance that is contextually based rather than explicitly stated in the preposition and verb form. My translation aims for a more direct rendering of "when he stood" or "as he stood," which also respects the grammatical structure without adding interpretative elements not present in the original text.
Let's move on.
He writes:

It can also refer to the 4 generals after Alexander the Great. He came after the Persian kings, conqured all of Greece, had a mighty dominion, shortly after he conqured Greece he died, and his kingdom was divided among his 4 generals none of which were his decendents.

No, it can't, because this is about a Holy Covenant. I genuinely hope you can understand this because I know you tend to repeat the same misunderstandings and rarely admit when you are wrong. However, this is explicitly clear:
The phrase is: "על־ברית־קודש"
Breakdown:

• Word: על־ (ʿal)
  
• Preposition
  
• Meaning: "upon," "on," "over," "concerning"
  
• Word: ברית־ (b'rith)
  
• Noun - feminine singular construct
  
• Meaning: "covenant," "treaty," "alliance"
  
• Word: קודש (qodesh)
  
• Noun - masculine singular
  
• Meaning: "holiness," "sanctity," "sacredness"
  

Literal Translation:

• "Upon the covenant of holiness"

Neither Alexander the Great nor anyone else you mention (or anyone related to Alexander) anything to do with a Holy Covenant. This is beyond ridiculous, and I couldn't believe your scholars were claiming this. I thought it was so absurd that it didn't even need refutation. Yet here I am, refuting you because you actually hold this view.
He writes:

That fits better than Exion's interpretation for a few reasons. First this king came after the 4 mentioned in verse 2. If those in verse 2 are the Caliphs this king can't be Mohammed who was before the Caliphs.

What makes you think that the mighty king came after the 4 kings? The 3rd verse only said:

"And a mighty king will arise and will rule a great dominion and do according to his will."

Are you claiming that this must be in chronological order just because the four kings were mentioned before the mighty king? If so, this is the first time I've heard such a claim. Please provide your proof for this supposed Biblical rule; I'd like to read it :). You won't provide any because none exist. But claiming that it does gives you something to "expose," so I understand your motive. However, in the real world, you're just making statements that aren't true.
The 4th verse says:
"...but not to his posterity, and not like the dominion that he ruled, for his kingdom will be uprooted and to others besides those."
The posterity refers to the Rashidun Caliphs, while "to others besides those" refers to Mu'awiyah and those who followed him. Do you know what "posterity" even means? Posterity literally means future followers or descendants. Lol. The mighty king is the one with the followers, which is why he is the one who brought the Holy Covenant from God, not the four other kings. Had you known what posterity means, you would never have written this in the first place, but we will look past this mistake. Now you know a new word and won't repeat this mistake again. Let's move on.
Regarding "The king of the south is prophet Muhammad" I had revisited this verse in part 2.
He writes:

This is false. The source Exion links doesn't give any English meaning. The BDB does give the English meaning. For the former it means sprout/branch, the latter means root.

Noun נֵצֶר (nétser) m (plural indefinite נְצָרִים, singular construct נֵצֶר־, plural construct נִצְרֵי־) [pattern: קֵטֶל]

1. stem, shoot
2. (literary, collectively) scion(s)

References:

• H5342 in Strong, James (1979)
• “נצר” in the Hebrew Terms Database of the Academy of Hebrew Language

The other word (i.e. שרש):

Root: שֹֽׁרֶשׁ (m.n.)

1. root.

2. source, origin.

1. bottom, lowest part.
   
2. root, stem (Heb. grammar).
   

Source: מקור: Klein Dictionary
I don't know if you know this, but stem and branch are synonymous words, they essentially mean the same thing. And lowest part, bottom could also mean stem. Dictionaries define both words similarly:

Word: שֹׁרֶשׁ, שׁוֹרֶשׁ (m.) (b. h.; apocope of שרשר
, v. שָׁרָר) [chain, knot,] root. — Pl. שֳׁרָשִׁים, שֳׁרָשִׁין; constr. שָׁרְשֵׁי, שׁוֹרְשֵׁי. B. Bath. V, 4 העולה … ומן הש׳ וכ׳ that which shoots forth out of the trunk, or out of the roots, belongs to the landowner (v. גֶּזַע), expl. ib. 82ᵃ כל שאינו … זהו מן הש׳ that which does not see the light of day (when it shoots forth) is out of the roots’. Y. Ab. Zar. III, 43ᵃ top; Y. Taan. I, 64ᵇ ש׳ חטה the roots of wheat; ש׳ תאנה of fig-trees. Tosef. Shebi. VII, 17; ‘Uktsin I, 4, v. קוֹלָס. Ab. III, 17 וְשֳׁרָשָׁיו מרובין whose roots are many; a. fr.

Source: מקור: Jastrow Dictionary
Either way, let's pretend you're right (even though you're not) it still doesn't matter because a branch out of her roots did sprout, which came to be a sect called Khawarij. This was explained in part two. The ones that assassinated 'Ali were initially Shiites that later turned against 'Ali and assassinated him. It's interesting how Pulpit commentary writes:

"The version of the LXX. is very different here also, "And a plant shall arise out of his root against himself,"

He writes:

Edit: I just noticed another problem with Exion’s interpretation. They take Ali as both the commander mentioned in verse 5 who is one of commanders of the king of the south, and also as the king of the north mentioned in verse 6. That can’t be since the commander isn’t also the king of the north.

Revised in part 2 already.
He writes:

They show rather than trying to first establish the historical facts and show it lines up with the prophecy they are willing to misrepresent the historical facts to fit their interpretation of the prophecy and as their interpretation of the prophecy changes their claims about the historical facts change to match their new interpretation.

This is just your faulty conclusion and presumption. I speculated that they might have lied about 'Aishah being his wife. However, I'm not satisfied with speculations, so I revised the entire post of part 1, and it turned out to be even more accurate.
This marks the end of his part 2 post.
Thanks for reading, /Your bro, Exion

I am a dumpee and as of right now, my ex is already with someone else after 1 month of our break up; she’s a fearful avoidant and has some mental health issues like ptsd, major depressive disorder, and bipolar. I broke up with her 2 months ago because i already hurt her a lot and i thought that it was the right decision that time; before that break up happened, we’ve got to many issues already but we did tried to fixed those that time not until i made some sort of mistake that hurt her a lot; i would def admit that it was my fault yet at the first place she also has something to do with it. Days before i initiated the break up, we got that conflict and she was so mad at me that time; i’ve tried to apologize many times but she ignored it; days have passed after i apologize, she finally reached out to me saying that she have forgave me and ready to fixed everything despite of everything i did for the sake of our rs however, i refused and totally broke up with her. After initiating the break up, she eventually agreed and left me hopeful saying that “we never know the future holds, we might still end up together.” After that convo, we undergo to no contact for almost about 2 weeks, I’m surprised that she texted me again; when i saw that message, i got totally shattered into pieces and it deeply sank my heart. She said there that she had moved on already, she no longer have feelings for me and can’t see her future with me anymore. Imagine how it deeply hurt me, the last time we talked we’re okay then now what?? I can’t describe my emotions that time, it felt like i was on a roller coaster :(( after that we undergo to no contact again for another 3 weeks, this time we had a chance to meet up and talked after a month. She talked to me that day like nothing happened and say that she’s already with someone else :(( i can tell that it was the most painful thing that ever happened to me, i thought i already moved on but then i feel devastated again. Now we’re under no contact again, after that day, i never contact her as a respect to myself and healing process. It’s been 3 weeks now and i can say that I’m slowly feeling better but i can’t deny that sometimes, i’m longing to my ex and i still feel the pain of our break up. I don’t know if these things are right, however after watching a lot of psychologist and professionals, i truly got hopes and been trying to cope with it; they said that it’s really the avoidant’s behaviour…they’re good at suppressing their feelings and emotions that’s why they are seemingly very happy right now with their rebound; however those things wouldn’t last according to professionals since those are just a distractions to them. Does anyone have the same situation like me?? I still feel helpless sometimes :<<

TLDR: Nannying is a very hard job. There would probably be a lot more nannies who work as hard as one needs to do this job well if the pay matched the value and difficulty of the work.
I’ve been pretty active in this sub lately because I’ve been feeling unhappy at my job and it helps to have a community. I wrote this a while ago and have been nervous to post it but I think it’s important. I saw a post in nannyemployers asking where all of the “good” nannies have gone and this was the response I was writing until I realised the replies were to be from NP only.. I would post in the nanny employers sub if I weren’t terrified of the response. I know I’m singing to the choir here and I know saying it out loud doesn’t change much. But I am so, so angry, so imma just send it.
As a nanny who has two college degrees, practices Montessori, Reggio Emilia, and RIE, and as someone who has always loved and wanted to work with kids, there simply is not enough money in this career path to stick to it. I personally simply cannot rationalise doing the amount of physical and emotional work that is required for me to do this job as well as I want to for the typical pay, even though I absolutely love it.
For my background, experience, and approach, I am in a severely underpaid position (even when disregarding my qualifications it would still be severely underpaid.) Because of my personal and financial situation at the time of my job search, I did not have the luxury to wait for a unicorn family to offer me the salary I was looking for. I found a family that was a good fit and accepted the position even though I felt it was very much underpaid. I am now in a position where I am continuously battling wanting to work as hard as I can for these kids and this family, and realising I can’t break my back for them while being this underpaid (I mean I literally threw my back out during this job). I’m not someone who breaks a commitment easily but I guess I could move from family to family, waiting to find one who is able to financially respect the value of this work, or I could stick it out and get $2/hr raises every year, but I can’t wait 10 years to finally get close to being paid what I know a proper nanny is worth. Yes there certainly are some nanny employers who properly respect this work and are able to financially meet it’s value, but in my experience they are few and far between. I have found that the overwhelming majority of nannies are severely underpaid and overworked.
Nannies are asked to have flexible schedules, work long hours, take on a laundry list of responsibilities, develop personal emotional relationships with children that aren’t theirs while keeping a professional distance, pay for and organise their own continued training, be emotionally and socially engaged with children all day long, and more. But above all, the most important aspect of nannying is managing our stress is such a way that allows us to stay in an executive state of functioning all day every single day. People deeply underestimate and undervalue the amount of hard and constant work it takes to keep oneself in an executive state of functioning day in and day out, especially in a high stress position where you are helping other people regulate their bodies all day on top of yours, AND are constantly sick and tired and being pushed and tested. I think that this ability is what makes the difference in a “good” nanny and is often the most overlooked, misunderstood, and undervalued aspect of the job responsibilities.
I want to be a good nanny, it’s my dream job to be the best nanny there is, and I used to think that I could accept being in an undervalued role because “it takes a village” and I wanted to do my part and this was my passion. But it doesn’t feel good to be undervalued financially and socially, in fact it feels really really bad, and this is why I will no longer be pursuing a career as a nanny. Even if I found my unicorn position, it wouldn’t change the fact that the overwhelming majority of my nanny peers are still underpaid and undervalued, and that doesn’t feel good. It makes me want to leave, and I think all of the other underpaid nannies should leave too. (We need a union or something, is this a thing?)
The market is oversaturated and undervalued. Not everyone needs a nanny now that quarantine is over (a full-time nanny, not babysitter or after school care). I have both worked at a preschool and as a nanny and I have found that a setting with multiple children of similar age is far better developmentally for a child than spending most of their time with a single adult and a sibling or two, even for young babies. I think a healthy mix of a daycare setting and family time at home is probably best but can be the most difficult to achieve with the current work culture. This is no one’s fault, the overworking culture is a burden of late stage capitalism that we all face. However, it is the burden of the parents to solve their work/life balance. This is a very big part of what one signs up for when becoming a parent. It is not the burden of the nanny to work more for less or the children to miss being with their parents (I’d say two doctor NP are pretty much the only ones who’d get a pass here).
It’s no one person’s fault that nannies are financially undervalued, the value of personal childcare and domestic work has a long saturated history fraught with misogyny and racism. Have you compared the average wage of a plumber (male dominated domestic work) to that of a nanny (female dominated domestic work)? And don’t tell me plumbing requires more training or is harder than nannying, I assure you they are of comparable difficulty especially considering there’s no step by step instructions on YouTube for nannying. (And if you do consider plumbing to be that much hard than nannying, what do you think gives you that perception? I mean as a parent, one should know that nannying absolutely is not just playing with kids all day, even if that’s all you ask your nanny to do. What subconscious bias could be giving you the perception that bringing up children is less difficult and of less value than screwing pipes together? Have you taken a race or gender studies class? Have you seen The Help? Don’t answer, just think.)
Plumbers make average $28/hr in the states, mechanics $26, for nannies it’s $20 (and that’s being generous). That’s a ¢70 on the dollar comparison. It is time we all realise that nannying is an underpaid and undervalued role and work to change that. If the wage being offered across the board better matched the value of the work, I think one would find a lot more serious nannies and a lot more current nannies taking the job more seriously.
I didn’t get it at first, why so many nannies at the park seemed so burnt out and disinterested in the kids. Oh boy do I get it now. I want nothing more than to do my best in this role, but in the past few months after nearly being stiffed by NP, not receiving a bonus from them when I really thought I would, and overall realising I am being taken advantage of and am a human mine to them, I have realised that I can no longer put my all into this job for my own health and sanity. Being properly compensated is the primary motivating aspect of all work especially in the society we are a part of. After loosing my sense of respect from NP, I’ve lost most of the non-financial motivation I started out with and am left with what little motivation my petite pay check gives me, and the kids can tell.
Since my fallout with NP, I have pulled back emotionally from the kids. I’m not mean and I am still doing every responsibility in my contract to the letter (and then some still), but I am no longer as emotionally available to them as I was. I am shorter and more curt with them, I don’t take as much time with them to sit and talk about every feeling they have, and I’m not working as hard to help them break the bad habits NP give them that NP specifically ask me to break (one example - NP want NK to walk everywhere with me but then always use the stroller with NP and every time we go out it’s a fight to use the stroller or not. Guess who’s been using the stroller far more often lately). Anyway, the past week my NK 3f has been quietly crying before her nap and I’m sure it’s because she’s felt me pull away from her. It’s breaking my heart and I’ve been trying to give her extra cuddles, but I have to protect myself first now. This is a job and these aren’t my kids and I can no longer rationalise putting them first emotionally especially considering I am burnt TF out, torn down, and left feeling used up and tossed aside without any recognition or proper thanks from NP.
I don’t know what the perfect number is, the number I would say many NP would probably think is too high, and maybe they’re not looking for a nanny who works as hard as I and others do. But I can tell you that $17/hr before taxes in a VHCOL area does not even come close to close. I think we can all easily recognise that the financial value of this job needs to better match the value of the work, in general and across the board. We’re talking about the people caring for and raising the future generations here, I mean how is this not the most coveted role in our society?
This is my Roman Empire and I will die on this hill every. single. time.

Hi I just came across a novel, chosen by the moon novel by izabella W. Its on pay by chapter websites, I've opened and read a few chapters but I can't seem to find any free version or chapter version anywhere. Please help. If anyone has read it I'm willing to take spoilers. Here's the advert I found below of it on Facebook.
Lycanthrope species is a disgusting race. And I, Delan Riley, am nothing more than a human scum in their eyes never expected those species would turn my world upside down. Since when the lycans managed to penetrate our town, like in the early 1900's we have a hierarchy, upper class = the lycans, middle class = mated humans, and lower class = the normal humans, who were basically considered scum. I endured their torment day after day, vowing to run away from them one day, until that day came and everything changed.
Dylan POV "Humans," I scowled at the principal's words from tannoy. "The Alpha twins will be celebrating their birthday tomorrow, as such, festivities are in order." Oh great, the Alphas twin children. Adrian and Arya are the worst lycans alive. I swear just because they are the alphas kids they literally get away with everything. If their birthday is tomorrow, then the wolves are going to be worse than ever. "All students will be present to greet them, two lines will be made, with humans on the left and the lycanthrope on the right. Any mated human will be at the front of the line for their year, you will all also be in order of your school year. That is all." Chat broke out the minute the tannoy was finished. "We haven't had a school gathering since the alpha king visited three years ago, before his sons coronation." Nick was right, the last time we all gathered like that was for the king and queens visit, when he decided to let the world know that he was to renounce his title to his only child, son Josh. "That sick bestard, he wants to make sure everyone is there so those idiot twins can find their mates." Yes I was mad, my fists connected with the table in front of me once more as I thought about how disgusting the situation was. You see the twins will be turning 17, so it's very possible someone in our school could be their mate, finding a mate is sacred to a wolf, the minute they say that one word your fate is sealed. They will turn your mind, morph you into being a lover of their kind, and then you'll give in.

That won't happen to me, I'm growing old to see the world as it once was, and I'm going to choose who I'll be with. No one will take that dream away from me.

Once dinner was finished, I just wanted to sleep. I'd had a very long tiring day, I quickly sat down on a small stool my mother kept in the storage closet and removed my shirt while my brother Freddy sat at the table to do his simple homework. It wasn't long before my mother came in with a large bowl of warm salt water and some cotton, this was going to sting I just knew it. She was here to help me with the wounds caused by wolves yesterday. She slowly began to unwrap the bandage from around my torso and slowed down drastically when it came to the final layer, I felt it peel off every wound and my fists clenched in pain. "Jesus!" I heard my mom exclaim once the dressing was completely removed. The air on my back was nice though and I sighed as my arm covered my once again exposed brests. "This is more than 15!" I began to hear sniffles coming from her and sighed turning round to look at her face, only to notice tears streaming down it. "Mom I'm fine, it's alright." She shook her head. "It's not alright, I'm your mother I shouldn't let these things happen. I'm so sorry. Your father would have..." here she goes again. Every single time something happened she'd always bring up dad, it really annoyed me because no matter how much we all wish he was here, he just isn't. My father was kiled by THEIR kind, almost 5 years ago when they actually managed to take over. When the lycans managed to penetrate our town my father rose up with some people from the neighborhood, to defend our livelihood, it was futile to say the least. We lost many people and I watched as my dad was ripped apart by two fully shifted wolves, I ended up shoting him to stop his suffering before they dragged me to the courtyard, i was the person to receive the first lashing of the town when I was 12! The wolves have been pretty strict with me since that day. "Stop being stvpid!" Was I harsh? Definitely! Did she need to hear it again, absolutely. "Dad is dead, we don't know what he'd do because he never knew this life. He never knew this world." I know what he'd have done, most likely attacked the guy who held the whip and got himself kiled in the process. "The best thing you can do for me, is stop crying and help me, next time don't insist on helping if you can't handle it." She began to wash my open wounds with the warm salt water causing loud winces to leave me, I knew it was necessary to prevent infection, but my god it hurt like a betch. "Some of these are really deep Dylan!" She sniffed again and my eyes rolled in my head. "I told you, I'm fine, just wrap me back up so I can get to bed." My mom was obviously more impacted by my injuries than I was, I suppose that always the case though. When it's happening to you, you've just got to get through it but when it's happening to someone you love, you just want to take their pain away. She quickly placed a fresh bandage around my waist and chest and wrapped it tightly for compression. The bowl of water that was used was now red in color, I guess from the blood my back was dripping with. "Can you keep your head down please? At least just this week. You can't take any more lashings." I simply nodded before standing up away from the stool, I walked over to Freddie and ruffled his hair in affection. "Good night squirt." He giggled and fixed his hair slightly. "Night Dilly." I smiled walking upstairs to my little bedroom, as soon as I was inside i shut the door and flopped down on to my bed on my stomach and I took a minute to cry to myself at the pain in my back, what my mom did was important but it hurt, not that I'd ever tell her. My hand covered my mouth quickly to muffle any noise I might be making. I couldn't tell anyone, I had to be strong because more and more people were crumpling these days, and my mom would break if she knew how much I was suffering. Sleep followed me shortly after, she was right though about me needing to keep my head down for the time being, I could not take another lashing! After a long night and an even longer morning, we were all finally stood in the hallway at school waiting for the twins to arrive. "Mine!" Everyone that was stood in the hallway tensed up, as we were seniors, me and Nick were stood towards the very back of the human line. All the mated people were situated directly opposite their wolf mates in their years. We stayed silent and still as Arya walked down the hall and stopped directly in front of Nick. His eyes widened in fear, unsure of wether to look up or keep his head lowered. "Look me in the eye, mate." He glanced at me slightly as if asking what he should do. "I said, look me in the eye." He slowly moved his eye line up to look at her face. I took a glance myself to see her eyes pitch black with lust. "I... can't... I mean... erm." Before he was able to mutter anything else, two wolves from opposite, grabbed him out of the line and dragged him behind Arya. "Hey!" My head shot up before I could stop myself. My mouth also forgot its place as I jumped out of line. Everyone's head shot to me as my eyes widened in realization at what I'd done. Adrian, the other twin, walked up to me before punching me right in the stomach, I doubled over instantly. Feeling the sting in my slightly healed back. "I know you... You were publicly flogged only two days ago." God I hate this guy. "I also have it on good authority, that you openly spoke out against our rules and regulations in yesterday's class." My head shot down the line slightly to see Erin, looking a little frightened, her mate, the beta to be was looking at her, nodding his head in reassurance. "You traitor, you grassed on your own kind?" I yelled at her before feeling a fist connect with my cheek. My head whipped to the side from the force, while my class members gasped. I'm so done with this treatment, right then, I wasn't in charge of my actions. My fists curled up and my stance became a lot more defensive. My head snapped up to the alpha to be, and I looked him in the eye. "You don't know the meaning of the word disrespect." I suddenly hurled my fist towards his head, which he easily dodged, but my foot came up and kicked him instead. He stumbled backwards from the force with wide eyes. "You... you Actually hit me!" He didn't even sound annoyed, more shocked. Everyone in the hallway was watching, waiting for the alpha to do something but instead he simply stood up straight, regaining his composure. "I think everyone should get back to class." He began to walk away, following his sister when I called him back. "What about Nick?!" "Simple, He's my sisters mate. He now belongs to her." Argh, he's not an object. "He's not her property." A chuckle left his mouth, before turning his back to me again. "All humans are property." A short while later everyone made it to science class, our teacher Mrs Mathews is mated to the lycans pack doctor, she also now has a four and two year old with him. She was one of the first humans to be cohered into a false relationship. "What were you thinking young lady?" I rolled my head at her before looking at the empty seat next to mine. Nick was with that stvpid wolf girl right now. Being changed, I'm so angry it's ridiculous. "I was thinking, this guy is being a prick. Did you hear him? 'All humans are property.' It's bull shet." I looked up and the whole class looked at me like I had three heads. Talking shet about wolves is one thing, but talking about an alpha is punishable by death, attacking an alpha is an even worse offense. There was then a knock at the door and in walked Erin and her band of mated bestards. "Sorry we're late Mrs." "Erin, how are things between you and bata Monroe?" She blushed, the traitor actually blushed at the mention of his name. "He spoke to me last night about trying for a baby. We need a good strong boy to take over as beta." I scoffed looking at her as she took her seat. "You guys are actually pathetic, why can't it be a girl? Those mutts are basically Neanderthals" I voiced my opinion and saw all the shocked faces around me. Calling the lycans mutts, is the same as them calling us scum. After lesson had ended the entire school was called into the hall for assembly. This is where any human who has been found to have broken the rules were punished, usually 10 lashings were goven out or something similar. "Welcome to the school assembly, congratulations to the alpha twins for finding both your mates. Now on to the business at hand, as the 5 year anniversary of the new world is coming up, we have been informed that the alpha king will be visiting our district next week, this is very exciting news. We want you all to look your absolute best, she wolves and mated females will wear exemplary dresses made by seamstress. Male wolves and mated men will wear tailored suits. Anyone who doesn't comply will be reprimanded." The Alpha King?! No one has met him yet, he took over the throne three years ago when he turned 18. He really didn't make any appearances though, great, this month is going to be a nightmare. "As for the humans, you will be given a new uniform to wear for the visit, these are to be neatly ironed and worn to the highest standard. As for the following humans, based on your attitude this past week, you will be coming to the front and facing punishment. Tony summerset?!" Tony's head shot up as he looked around, he was in the year below but he shared my views when it came to the lycans. He slowly walked up to the front of assembly, almost instantly his top was t0rn in two and he received 10 lashings. A girl named Kara was next and she too received 10 lashings. A few more people went up slowly accepting their fate then suddenly my name was called. "Dylan Riley." Inside I was terrified but I simply shrugged my shoulders, I guess I did kind of expect this. Although I'm not sure if my back can take any more damage. "You attacked an alpha, correct!" His eyes bored into mine as I bowed my head submitting to his authority. "Technically, no." Everyone in the school gym looked on in fear, as my head moved to the front row of the wolf side. Adrian sat, with a werewolf girl in the year below, her name was Jana, I guess he found his mate. Nick and Arya were no where to be seen though. Adrian gave me a shrug as if to say he didn't tell, before smirking at my comment. "He hasn't officially taken the alpha title yet, so he's just..." i looked at the principle and noticed his eyes black and his claws out, he was in what lycans call a half shift, triggered when the subject has become angered. He turned to two security wolves and gave them a nod, Almost immediately i was forced onto my knees, my arm was slammed on a table and held in place by one wolf, while my body was held in place by the other. "Ok, I don't think this is needed, I have alpha blood, a stvpid human girl can't hurt me." My head snapped to Adrian who had stood up in front of the school to stop what was happening. "Nevertheless, humans need to know their place." With that the pressure on my arm increased as our principals hand pulled my sleeve up before a long claw punctured my skin. The searing pain shoting from the fresh wound had my eyes scrunched and my fist clenched, I bit the inside of my cheek hard instantly tasting blood, however no sound left my mouth. He continued to write, using my skin as a canvas and his claws as a marker, it went on forever, my vision blurred slightly at one point as I turned my head away. After minutes of torture, he was done and the pressure on my arm eased, instantly I snatched my arm away, hissing through my teeth at the pain. I was about to scurry off stage, when I was roughly grabbed yet again, my arm being held in the air by the principal while my feet were inches off the floor, blood dripped from the wound and the pattern he had made was on show for everyone to see. Loads of people gasped, even the wolves looked slightly horrified at what had happened. "This is what happens when a human decides to speak out. I can promise, anyone who so much as says one word about our way of life, will have the same punishment." My arm was starting to seriously ache from being held in the air for so long, and the lack of blood flow to my suspended arm was causing me pins and needles, still I refused to make a sound. I held the tears back and I bit my cheek harder causing more blood to fill my mouth. "That's enough Bradley!" Adrian growled, he was still stood up and looking at the scene in front of him. His eyes hard as he stared at the principal a low warning growl erupted from his chest which had the head teacher gulping, he quickly let go of my arm causing me to crash to the floor. A small cry left my mouth as I hit the hard floor. Immediately I scrambled away, my foot just missed the high step leading to the stage and I fell, waiting for the impact of the ground, but it never came. Two strong arms wrapped around me catching my weak body causing me to look up, my eyes widened as I noticed Adrian had caught my falling form. "This isn't part of the human punishment program!" Adrian growled causing me to tense in his grip, I pushed him away from me before fixing my uniform top. The room was deadly silent, taking in the scene in front of them, while I stole a glance at my forearm. Carved into my skin by his devastating claws were two words, words that would most definitely scar my body for life. 'Human scum' "Lessons must be learned, she received lashing merely two days ago, and clearly it had no effect on her." Another growl left Adrian's chest as he stepped on to the stage, I wasn't bothered though, you would think I'd be ashamed but I simply smiled slightly. I fixed my sleeve a little so it wouldn't rub on the fresh wound before speaking. "It doesn't matter," the whole room looked at me shocked by my attitude. "I would rather be labeled human scum, than have any resemblance to your kind. I'm proud of what I am, how many of you can say that?" After my amazing little speech, I walked right down the middle between the humans and lycans and out the door. No more compliance, I'm going to get away with as much as I can without getting into too much bother. There will come a day when the lycans power will fizzle out. When it does I'll be ready, I'll be waiting for the day we take our world back. As for the best part about my plan...

No one can stop me.

"Ouch, not so hard." I seethed as the school nurse cleaned my new wound with antiseptic. "If you had of just kept your mouth shut, this wouldn't have happened." I turned to my right looking out the window at the few clouds that were floating in the blue sky. "Like I said, I'm proud to be human, and now everyone knows what I am." I clenched my fist together as the nurse began wrapping a bandage around my forearm. It had been a good few hours since the incident in the hall, and I had been forced to come to the nurces office after I had tried to clean my wound by splashing it with water from the tap, it also refused to stop bleeding. "You are impossible. Can you please just try and stay out of trouble? For one day, that's all I ask." Our school nurse is a wolf, she's one of them. However she hates the way they treat us mere humans, she thinks we should all just live in peace with equal rights. Like that would ever happen. "All I've done is stay out of trouble, but you are just going to humiliate me anyway, so what's the actual point?" "The pack were discussing a public execution, Dylan. You need to walk on egg shells from now on, not just for you but for your family as well." No ones been publicly executed in over 4 months, I'm flattered they're considering it. They only execute people who they believe are the biggest problems to society. "Well then... I'm flattered." I chuckled, before looking at the patch job. 'Huh, not too shabby.' I quickly stood up from the human nursing station and pulled the sleeve of my shirt down covering the evidence of ever being hurt. "This is serious!" I just gave her a blank look before leaving the room. On the way out I heard her call back to me. "Please just think about it." I gave a clipped nod as I walked away wondering how I'm going to tell my mom about this. Later in the evening... "Dilly why you say that?" Freddie looked up at me with a mouth full of bread. "Don't speak with your mouthful!" My mom scolded him as a bashful blush made its way to his cheeks. "Sowwy mommy." His reply was muffled as he swallowed the last chunk of food. "I said it Freddie, because it's the truth. The wolf race are a pathetic excuse for..." my mom cut me off with an extremely stern look. "Dylan! They have ears everywhere, one more word out of you and it's your room." I scowled, my hatred for the Lycan kind growing stronger as each day passes. "What more can they do to me, lash me? Beat me? Brand me? They've ran out of options." I stated slamming my hands down, then severely regretting it as sharp pain shot though my wound. "What was that?" My head shot to regard my mothers worried expression. Her eyebrows were raised and her eyes were dull and judging as she looked at me. "Nothing, it was nothing." I quickly took my plate in my hand and began to walk to the kitchen. "I'm not really hungry, and I have homework to do!" My mom caught hold of my forearm causing me to drop my plate suddenly, I watched it slowly fall before shattering on the floor. I retracted my arm quickly and turned to Freddie. "Stay there and don't move until it's cleaned up ok sport?" He just nodded with wide eyes, I turned back to my mom and noticed her curious stare on my arm. Her grip shifted to the other side as she turned it around before pulling my sleeve up. The bandage was showing and a bit of blood was seeping though after the wound had been disturbed. "What the hel happened?" My moms eyes widened as she began to fumble with the bandage. Before she could unravel any of it I snatched my arm away. "I had an accident at school. No big." I began to gather the large pieces of the broken plate up ready to put them in the bin. "What did you do Dylan?" She looked at me with pure worry and only then did I realize what the wound must look like to someone who didn't know. "For gods sake! I didn't do it to myself! I got publicly punished at the assembly alright? It's no big deal." Her face dropped instantly and she stepped towards me, causing me to step backwards. "Mom, I'm ok. So back off will you." "What did you do? I've never known them to cut someone's arm as a punishment." Her shock and accusation was evident in her voice and I sighed heavily. "I spoke against the alphas son." I may have hit him too, but I wasn't going to divulge that part to her. "It's not one big cut, mom, it's a brand, 'human scum' carved onto my arm." "They've branded you now too?!" My eyes rolled at her hurt tone as I went to get the dustpan and brush. "You're so much like your father." A sigh left her mouth as she spoke, running a hand through her hair, while I quickly swept up the little pieces of the broken plate. "You've had a new uniform delivered. It's laid out on your bed. Dylan, Please just try and stay respectful in the future, I don't want my daughter to be completely mutilated. Although you're not far off." "Gee, Thanks." I then walked over to my little brother Freddy before blowing a kiss into his neck and hearing him giggle. "So sport, how's school going?" "It's ok." He shrugged before going back to coloring a dinosaur picture in. "Well that's good, stay out of trouble, ok little man?" Heading upstairs and into my room, my thoughts wandered to the permanent graffiti scar very slowly healing on my arm. Disgusting beasts. Think they own the world because they're faster, stronger and can shift. Pah. If you ask me they are not all that.

The second I walked into my room my mouth dropped open. On my bed was some grey pants laid out neatly, which wasn't the surprising part, no, what shocked me was the grey high neck no sleeved button down shirt, every single set of uniform had sleeves except this one. They've done this on purpose those, mutts. They want the world to see my arm and know what a disgusting creature I am. They want the world to know that I, Dylan Riley, am nothing more than 'human scum'.

During the last week, I've been horrible, in class I've been loud in voicing my views, I've insulted at least everyone to some degree, I didn't care about the consequences, and I certainly didn't think about them. I haven't seen Nick at all since he was claimed, and to make matters worse today was the royal visit. Oh yes, werewolves and mated humans alike were spending every waking minute preparing themselves to meet his royal majesty, king of the wolves. Unclaimed Humans however would rather stick pins in their eyes. "Dylan, get down now... you're going to be late." She was right, I was dawdling this morning, I really couldn't be bothered today, I gave myself one last look in the small mirror and sighed when my eyes met my newly uncovered brand. It had bad bruising around the letters, and was still extremely tender to touch, it was definitely healing now though. I made my way down the stairs and came face to face with my mother who was seeing to Freddie, she was helping my brother get his coat on when she turned to me. "You ready sport?" Freddie nodded his little head at me and smiled while I quickly slid my shoes on. "Just Remember, the alpha is bad enough, Dylan, please, please don't do anything to anger the king." My mother stopped us from walking out the door to tell me something she had been telling me continuously for the last couple of days, it was almost as if the entire human population of our district was expecting me to do something stvpid. "Try and have a good day." I rolled my eyes but nodded, even I know not to push the king, he could kil me in the hallway like it was nothing. In fact I plan on staying out of his way for the entirety of the day. "We will see you tonight mom." I stated before me and my brother began our walk to school, his little hand clutched my own tightly as we went. Usually Nick would be with us, as he lives next door, well he used to, now he's residing in the main pack house. I quickly dropped Freddie off at his school and watched him get the wolfsbane neutralizer before walking into him building giving me a small wave before he went in. With my new scar on complete show, and my figure being complimented by the skin tight shirt I was wearing, I sauntered down the street to school, I gave my name and year in and took the wolf's bane neutralizer injection with no problems at all. It was finally getting into school that the problem occurred. Walking through the halls I was met by many looks, some of pity some of disgust. You see every single non mated human in the school was wearing a long sleeved version of the uniform I was given. All the Wolves and mated couples were scattered around in fancy floor length dresses or tailored suits. As I turned the corner I noticed a couple, now this couple happened to catch my eye the most out of all of them because it consisted of Arya and Nick, eating each other's faces off. "What the hel!" Nicks head shot to me as his eyes widened. He too was dressed in a tailored suit, a navy blue tie hung on his neck to match Aryas dress. Why was this happening all the time? It's always my friends that get completely brain washed. I shook my head in disbelief before turning my back on him. I heard his fast footsteps behind me as I rounded the corner. "Dylan?!" He ran right in front of me, stopping me in my tracks, making me drop my bag off my shoulder and almost causing me to bump into him. "Let me just explain..." "Has she marked you?" I mean you could almost see it in his eyes, she had marked him, and knowing the way life goes he's probably even mated with her. "Actually... Don't even answer that." I aggressively picked my bag up off of the floor and stormed off down the hall. "Dylan, just listen to me, Erin was right, it's so hard to resist your soulmate, and Arya is actually ok once you get to know her." I just kept walking, he caught up to me walking beside me but it didn't matter, I completely ignored everything and everyone. 'I'm so not in the mood today' getting into class was good though, I said hello to Mr Foley and took my usual seat. Nick sighed then took his bag off ready to sit next to me, but I snapped before he had the chance. "Traitors and mated idiots sit on that side of the room." I didn't look him in the eye as I pointed to a seat right at the front of the classroom on the opposite side. His eyes widened as he turned his attention back to me. "You can't be serious Dylan." I gave him a blank look before grabbing my book out of my backpack, I placed it on the desk then began to write the date on the top line. "I've sat in this seat for as long as I can remember." I ignored him, his voice sounded sad and shocked. "Dylan? Wait! What is that?!" Before I could react Nick had grabbed hold of my branded arm and turned it to see the letters. "Oh my God! What happened?" I snatched my arm away from him and shrugged as I continued to write in my book before grabbing my water bottle out of my bag. "The principal happened, it was my punishment for speaking out against Adrian and Arya. I wear it with pride." He just held a complete look of disbelief. "You spoke out against them?" I shrugged, what did he think I'd do. "It's no secret that I despise this stvpid new world and the mutts that control it. You were my friend, I wasn't going to let them just take you without saying something, although that is exactly what you seem to have done. Enjoy the view from your new seat!" "Don't be like that, Dylan, I'm your best friend, I'm sorry about your arm, but..." my eyes rolled inside my head at my friends words. "Anything with the word 'but' in, isn't an apology, it's a rationalization." I took a drink of water from my bottle and kept my eyes facing forward, ignoring his every attempt to try and talk to me. "Dylan?.. Dylan?... Do you know what? Erin is right, if you push us all away you won't have any friends left." He huffed before walking over to the empty seat and sitting down, I could feel him glancing up at me every now and again but I didn't respond. "Good morning class, please settle down." He looked at me then at Nick and frowned, we've never sat apart, we were friends before the new world even began. I just shook my head telling him to forget it. "So... as you know the king will be arriving in a short while, but until then lessons will go on as normal." Its funny seeing teachers in the same uniform your wearing, mr Foley and his wife are the coolest. Human teachers and doctors only have slightly more respect than we do. Because of Mr Foley's status him and his wife have better access to food and drink, Mrs Foley is cool, sometimes she even makes sure mr Foley brings some in for me. Ya know, coz I'm their favorite student. It's not in a weird way, it's just they were friends of the family before the new wold took effect. Mr Foley and my dad were buddies from high school, so it goes without sayin really. "All the mated humans will be at the front of each years line again, after that you will all be placed in status, Nick, as your mated to Alpha Arya, you'll be at the front of your line. Dylan as you have been branded..." his voice trailed off as he looked at me. "Yeah yeah, I'll be at the back of the line behind everyone. I get it." I huffed, moving my sight towards the window once more. "I am sorry." I turned to face Mr Foley again, he looked genuinely upset and that look of pity wasn't something I wanted to see. I gave him a clipped nod then turned away again. "Anyway, on to the subject matter, 'Of Mice and Men, page 64, Nick why don't you start us off with the reading."

"Of course sir." Nick began reading the book but I switched off, today is going to be a long day. After almost an hour and a half of reading comprehension, the bell chimed signaling lunch. I shot up and out of the classroom before anyone could say anything. Today, I was avoiding drama like the plague.

I wandered the corridors straight to the lunch hall. All the people I would normally hang out with we're all mated so I grabbed my lunch quickly, and sat down at the end of the human table. Let me lay the lunch hall out for you. On one side of the room you have two long rows of tables, with simple benches that make it look like prison, on the other side of the room you have multiple round tables with fancy chairs. Yup you get it. The humans sit at the prison tables and the wolves and traitors sit on the fancy tables, they get fancy food, fancy drink and most importantly they get pudding. what I would give to have some pudding. "Dylan can we just talk?" Nick quickly took the spot next to me as he set his lunch tray down. I looked at his food which had been placed on a ceramic, circular white plate. God that looked good. I sighed knowing he was going to talk anyway. "Fine, you have two minutes." I used my fork to take a bit of pasta off his plate and shoved it into my mouth. God that was good. "After I left school, I was taken to the pack house with Arya, and I really got to know her. It took a few days for me to finally accept being with her, but ever since life has been ok, and the sax... well that's a whole other story." Eww, I didn't need that mental image in my head. "I'm glad your happy." I stated before deciding I had no appetite. His face held shock before he sighed in relief. "That means a lot Dylan, I mean you know that your opinion matters to me." I cut him off before he could say anything else. "I said I was glad your happy. I didn't say I approved of what you've done. You've basically turned into one of THEM, I can't ever forgive you for that." He looked hurt, but I couldn't care less about his feelings. He placed his hand gently on my arm and went to open his mouth when a growl sounded out. All heads whipped to where it came from, Arya was stood holding a glass of soda and a plate, she was looking right at me and Nick and I would totally be dead if looks could kil. Nick quickly retracted his hand, his whole face fell and you could see sorrow flood his irises. "You sit with me now, get away from that, that... scum!" Wow, Nick was such a lucky guy. NOT. "You heard her. Get away from me, go sit with your new friends. I'm happy for you, and I understand where your coming from, but don't come up to me again and pretend you didn't betray your own kind. Don't pretend you didn't betray me." I shoved a little bit of food into my mouth before standing up and walking out of the cafeteria, leaving my tray on the table. I was walking through the hallway to the classroom, you see I decided to spend lunch with Mr Foley in his room, when I happened to hear voices in the corridor. "Is it wise for her to actually be present when the king arrives? Surely she could be placed in the dungeons, it might actually teach her some respect?" My principal was speaking to the alpha of our district, huh, if I stayed and listened do you think they'd notice, maybe they could smell me?! "Everyone is to be present, if the Riley girl does one thing out of line she will be dealt with severely, child or not. That girl has been a blight to the district since day one, she's dangerous, if she puts one hair out of place I will personally break her into submission." Oh shet, they were talking about me specifically, and they mentioned the dungeon, that's not been used in months. Normally I would have listened in more but something about the entire situation didn't sit right with me, all of a sudden, I was on edge, and simply wasn't interested in the slightest in hearing how my misery was to be enhanced. I backed up slightly before turning around and bumping head first into one of the hottest man I had ever seen. I lost my balance immediately and fell straight on to the floor letting out a small grumble in the process. His eyebrows knitted together quickly and his breath hitched in his throat as he looked upon my fallen state and gasped. "Mate!" He whispered, his eyes fixated on mine. Now, I had seen and heard that many times to know what that means, I gasped before taking a step back. 'No, no, no, no, no. This can not be happening.' He growled slightly before stepping towards me. Oh Shet!

Over a year ago, I was going through a particularly stressful time and went to my neurologist concerned that I was possibly having Medication Adaption Headaches (MAH aka Medication Overuse Headaches aka Rebound Headaches) or would develop them.
I was having a migraine or headache almost daily. I had been cycling through pain meds to avoid using too much of the same thing and too many triptans mistakenly thinking that this would keep me safe.
My neurologist didn't take any time to discuss why I thought I might be having MAH or what should be done if I was already having them. He did give me the prescription for Aimovig that I asked for, but also a recommendation and prescription for Panadol migraine (same as Excedrin migraine) which I had never taken before. The prescription wasn’t needed to get the Panadol migraine, but it was needed to have it reimbursed by my insurance. I thought because it is OTC in the US (which is where I'm from) that it would be better (again mistakenly) than taking so many triptans.
The aimovig was like putting a bandaid on a gash that needed stitches. I made it another year before I had an absolutely horrible flare-up about 60 days ago that led me to do my own research because my neurologist had failed me horribly and I decided it was most definitely MAH and I needed to detox.
The Detox
I quit taking all pain OTC pain meds and triptans for 60 days (as is recommended in most treatment guides). It took me roughly 9 days to have a noticeable drop in my migraines back to episodic. My migraines have lessened in severity and length over the last 60 days. Though the first week or so was the most challenging to get through, I also had hormonal migraines that were tough. The few other non-hormonal migraines I had later in the 60 days, I was able to clearly identify triggers for. This hadn’t been the case for me in the past. I've also now been able to abort a hormonal migraine with other methods listed here.
Other Options for Pain Relief
(for any meds or supplements always consult your doctor)
Ginger is a great natural painkiller. There is some BS study that says it is as effective as sumatriptan, it most definitely isn't and I'm not going to try to sell it as that, but I would say it is probably as effective as an NSAID. Unfortunately, I’m unable to get GCRP inhibitors where I am so I didn’t have other migraine abortive options, just this.
Benadryl (note: this is the brand name in US & CA, it’s different in Europe) helps me with migraine pain during an attack (sometimes even helps avoid an attack).
A TENS unit was very helpful with migraine pain, but also with cramps during my 60 day detox and I’ll definitely continue using it going forward.
Migraine Cap was especially helpful after the migraine to help with the residual soreness.
Migraine Relief Nasal Inhaler, hot showers, decongestant meds, and decongestant nasal spray* help me because nasal congestion is a major symptom for me. When the congestion is worse, the pain is worse. If I can relieve some congestion, I can also relieve some pain. So I use these as needed depending on the severity of the congestion.
*It is important to note that decongestant nasal sprays can cause rebound congestion if used frequently, follow dosage and warnings on the label.
Myofascial Release & dry needling - this isn’t so much for migraine pain, but it helps me manage back and neck pain that contributes to my migraines and helps me with pain management overall.
The Pain Relief Options That I Wish I Could Have Used or Tried
Balms and patches that you put on your forehead- personally my skin is too sensitive for it, I have tried in the past and it just makes my skin burn (but so does most sunscreen when applied to my face). I’m mentioning these because I think they are a great option for some people and as I was looking through this sub for more ideas of what I could use, they are something that I saw repeatedly that I wish my skin would allow me to use.
Celafy, Nerivio, and Relivion all looked like interesting devices, but sadly aren’t available where I am.
Heated eye massager also looked very appealing and should have been available, but the wrong item was delivered when I tried ordering it and I didn’t feel like trying my luck again. I will definitely get one when I go to the US.
GCRP-inhibitors - these aren’t available where I am so I didn’t have the option to use these as abortives while detoxing from pain meds. I definitely would like the option to be able to use these as abortives for migraines. One study did note they could cause MAH (this is listed below and linked) but there's no good research regarding this as they are so new. I just feel obligated to mention this.
About MAH
Please educate yourself. I have included links to sources. Consult your doctor if you think you might have MAH and advocate for treatment.
1 You have to add up your pain med use!!!
2 OTC Pain Meds+ Triptans + Rx Pain Meds* = 10 Days Maximum Per Month
*Opioids and butalbital may lead to MAH in about 5 days
3 Approximately 50% of patients with chronic migraine have MAH that may revert to episodic headache after drug withdrawal.
Chronic migraine is classified as 15 or more headache days w/ 8 migraine days a month.
Episodic Migraine is classified as 14 or fewer headache and migraine days a month.
4 The name for MAH changed a few times and the one I chose to use is focused on the mechanism that causes the condition rather than the name that sounds like it is blaming the patient (Medication Overuse Headaches). Here’s an article regarding the name dispute.
5 One article even listed GCRP inhibitors as possibly contributing to MAH. But as these medications are new, the research isn't there yet to say if they really do contribute. I just had found it surprising to see and felt obligated to note it.
6 Risk Factors

• Having a primary headache disorder such as migraines.
• Having other chronic pain or gastrointestinal issues.
• Being less physical activity (defined as less than 3 hours of hard physical activity per week)
• Smoking
• Mood disorders
• OCD
• Depression
• Anxiety
• Substance-related disorders
• Cutaneous allodynia 7 (Cutaneous allodynia (CA) is defined as pain resulting from application of a non-noxious stimulus to normal skin)

8 Withdrawal treatment does not only reduce the headache attacks, but also improves responsiveness to acute or prophylactic drugs. Withdrawal symptoms normally last between 2 to 10 days, and do not persist longer than 4 weeks.
Going Forward
I have a number of MAH risk factors including migraines, other chronic pain, anxiety, family history of substance-related disorders, being less physical activity (especially during the time that the stressful situation was happening), and cutaneous allodynia. Had I known about all of these risk factors and that alternating meds would not protect me from MAH, I would have done things very differently. I’ll have to be very careful to not develop MAH again, and actually am thinking of extending my detox because of my risk factors and some concerning statistics regarding allodynia in particular. For now I'm going to try to continue managing my pain with other methods while I can comfortably. Actually just last night I had a hormonal migraine that I managed to abort with a combination of things I listed here that just 2 months ago it would have been at least a level 4 with triptans.
When I do start using pain meds again, I’ll definitely be tracking meds more carefully and adhering to a strict 10 day max per month for OTCs plus triptans. I’ve made an annual tracker that you can print with the maximum days noted for reference.
To the Mods - I’ve noticed many posts with discussion related to MAH being removed. I’ve instructed others to consult their doctor thereby trying to adhere to the sub rules, please let me know if there is something else that might need to be adjusted in order to adhere to the rules.

Hello D. I hope you’ve been doing well the past few months. I have been wanting to update you on what life has been like for me AND of course I want nothing more than to hear how life has been for you especially.
First, I am forever sorry for how I handled the way you ended things with me. I know it was very difficult and it left you heart broken, having to choose what's best for you, thus walking away from me. It stuck with me when you said you felt you weren’t enough. I want to make one thing very clear, if there is anything you take away from this letter it must be this- you are NOT the reason for me not fighting for us at the time. This time apart taught me about the personal issues I have. This time apart has shown me that I lacked the inability to communicate my wants and needs in a healthy manner AND that’s why I didn’t argue or fight for us. It absolutely had nothing to do with you.
The breakup needed to happen no matter how much I did not want it to. We would have fallen out eventually. I needed you to walk away from me because I was not changing. At that time I didn’t understand myself. I didn’t understand how to process my emotions fully. I did not understand why I am able to shut my internal self off when I’m confronted with emotions and vulnerability.
It was March when I felt something deeply wrong inside of me. I could not figure it out on my own (like I usually do). So for the first time, I reached out for help. I caved and started going to therapy which is something I never believed in. When I was a child, if I was ever sad or upset or felt anything. My parents' response was to work and stay focused. That caused me to bottle up my emotions and not work on them. After some time in therapy, it was realized that I have a dismissive avoidant attachment style. I was like, what the heck does that mean? I thought the therapist was making stuff up. This is all brand new to me. It sent me down a rabbit hole of personal development and learning methods to work with other people who do not share the same attachment style as me.
I was given exercises. I was told to journal, which to my surprise gave me a sense of relief. I write about my past traumas. I write about us. I would write about how you made me feel. I’d write about being grateful and acknowledging the change. I analyzed past relationships of mine and noticed I indeed had a pattern of avoiding emotional confrontation. I’ve realized that if I didn’t work on this then I’d forever be caught in an endless cycle of heartbreak and not solving this would prevent me from achieving my biggest goal in life, and that is to be the best father I can be.
So thank you for ending things with me because without you doing so. I would not have put in the work to figure myself out.
For the first time in my life I am fully aware of my emotions. I have made peace and forgiven myself for my actions. I have also forgiven you. It took me a while to process all of my emotions regarding the break up, because of my attachment style. My mind naturally suppresses what I am feeling when I am overwhelmed. So I am sorry that it has taken me such a long time to reach out. The last few months I wanted to respect you and allow you to be yourself while allowing myself the time to process, understand, and heal. I hope from that, you realize we are completely different and I am a lot slower to process such things. But I have been workin on this and I am not doing this for you. I am doing this for me because I know what I want in life.
D, you are the first person who made me want to understand my emotions which caused me to enter this inward journey. Neither of my past 2 relationships made me do this type of work which honestly blows my mind. I feel so differently about you. You are the first person who truly made me want to be better so that I can understand myself, forgive myself, love myself and ultimately attract a healthy love.
I’m not expecting anything from this but if there is a chance. I would love nothing more than to simply catch up with the new you.
D, even if we never rekindle. Even if you never respond to this. I will forever be grateful for you coming up to my brother's table that day. I will forever be grateful that I had a chance to experience a one of a kind human such as yourself. I have never felt so deeply about another person. You are imperfectly perfect. You are YOU. Thank you for being you and standing by your truth. Thank you for loving me when you did.
I have so much I want to say but I do not want to push you even further away so I will leave you with this one last thing. I have traveled a lot in the past few months. Chasing new experiences as I’m sure you have been too.
What I realized throughout my travels- wherever I am in this world, whether on a volcano in Central America, a glacier in Colorado, a beach in Mexico, a cliff in Guatemala overlooking endless blue waters or simply watching the sunset over New York city. It’s in those fleeting.. beautiful.. moments of life, I find myself thinking- I really wish D was here to see this with me. If I don’t hear from you, it’s ok. As long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters to me.
Love, A

She probably will never see this, then again I could be wrong. I kind of hope she does so I can say some of what I wanted to say, but instead we ended up arguing over things that are really not important and I wish I could take it all back.
In High School it started and I never told anyone, not even my best friend. You were the one, the girl who was in a relationship, the crush I always wanted, the one I wanted to marry and spend my life with, to treat with the most genuine respect and to love and cherish. The problem was you were taken and I respected that line, most people don't. Yet life just kept moving forward. I come to find years later that your life has been filled with trauma, neglect, abuse, filled with drama and hate, being used and taken advantage of. The things I would never let happen to you or do to you were happening or had happened, and it breaks my heart to see you so different than the one I knew all those years ago. But deep in there it's still you and I hope that I may one day bring you back to happiness and to keep a smile on your face and to show you how much you are loved.
After 20 years we found each other living together albeit briefly after some difficult and unexpected times. I tried to tell you how I felt, you didn't want to hear it. And then we did something together I never thought would ever happen, and it was something I had hoped would happen for so long. I will always remember it and think about it everyday, how incredible it was and how it still could be. Even the first time our lips locked I was in complete ecstacy, the way you kissed me was something passionate and real, not just another kiss. You really are amazing and so beautiful and I wish we could continue to become something more. Something beautiful. Something forever.
I didn't want to leave you but I couldn't stand being thought of as just someone else there to use you. I would never hurt you. I tried to find the words, but you shut me down, you distanced yourself from me, that hurt. I know things are tough and I was willing to do everything I could to help.
Maybe I sound like I am rambling now but just know this. I am sorry for how I left, for leaving you alone, for everything wrong that I may have done. I just want you in my life, by my side. Maybe one day that will happen but it is something you need to figure out. I will continue to wait for you. If you will have me, come to me. You'll be safe and respected, loved and appreciated. For now, I am setting off on the hunt for more money, to give myself a fresh start and that also includes you, as I told you during our time together. My hand and heart will be waiting for you to take.
Find me. Message me. Email me. Call me. Anything. I want to make you happy for the rest of our lives.
I'm sorry J. I miss you. I want you with me. I want to hold you, hold your hand, to love you, to kiss you, to be the one you deserve. Hopefully we will find each other again. For now, just know im there thinking about you, waiting and going to do everything I possibly can.
Me.

She probably will never see this, then again I could be wrong. I kind of hope she does so I can say some of what I wanted to say, but instead we ended up arguing over things that are really not important and I wish I could take it all back.
In High School it started and I never told anyone, not even my best friend. You were the one, the girl who was in a relationship, the crush I always wanted, the one I wanted to marry and spend my life with, to treat with the most genuine respect and to love and cherish. The problem was you were taken and I respected that line, most people don't. Yet life just kept moving forward. I come to find years later that your life has been filled with trauma, neglect, abuse, filled with drama and hate, being used and taken advantage of. The things I would never let happen to you or do to you were happening or had happened, and it breaks my heart to see you so different than the one I knew all those years ago. But deep in there it's still you and I hope that I may one day bring you back to happiness and to keep a smile on your face and to show you how much you are loved.
After 20 years we found each other living together albeit briefly after some difficult and unexpected times. I tried to tell you how I felt, you didn't want to hear it. And then we did something together I never thought would ever happen, and it was something I had hoped would happen for so long. I will always remember it and think about it everyday, how incredible it was and how it still could be. Even the first time our lips locked I was in complete ecstacy, the way you kissed me was something passionate and real, not just another kiss. You really are amazing and so beautiful and I wish we could continue to become something more. Something beautiful. Something forever.
I didn't want to leave you but I couldn't stand being thought of as just someone else there to use you. I would never hurt you. I tried to find the words, but you shut me down, you distanced yourself from me, that hurt. I know things are tough and I was willing to do everything I could to help.
Maybe I sound like I am rambling now but just know this. I am sorry for how I left, for leaving you alone, for everything wrong that I may have done. I just want you in my life, by my side. Maybe one day that will happen but it is something you need to figure out. I will continue to wait for you. If you will have me, come to me. You'll be safe and respected, loved and appreciated. For now, I am setting off on the hunt for more money, to give myself a fresh start and that also includes you, as I told you during our time together. My hand and heart will be waiting for you to take.
Find me. Message me. Email me. Call me. Anything. I want to make you happy for the rest of our lives.
I'm sorry J. I miss you. I want you with me. I want to hold you, hold your hand, to love you, to kiss you, to be the one you deserve. Hopefully we will find each other again. For now, just know im there thinking about you, waiting and going to do everything I possibly can.
Me

I’m currently studying animation since I realized a while back ago that I honestly feel incapable of seeing myself doing anything else except some form of working in the industry. I’ve been animating since I was 10 and always idealized it but never thought it was going to be easy but I was willing to put in the work, even buying my own graphic tablet at 13 (I sold a lot of comic books). A lot of my close friends are in the arts, and I hear how hard those industries are, acting, writing, and forget being a studio arts major. I’ve followed a lot of animators in the industry and have had a couple follow me back and I asked some of them basic questions about how the industry is etc etc. Some were positive but a lot of them were more jaded responses and this is predating Covid (though it didn’t ward me off any and was nice to hear the “bad parts” of the job/industry).
But nowadays it seems like every single person I follow, even people who have 15+ years experience under their belt seem to be struggling to find reliable work. Networks cancel shows after one season and with the rise of A.I. which is all anyone talks about anymore-usually in a joking manner but it doesn’t seem to be so funny anymore. I don’t think A.I. would replace animation entirely obviously but it does make me nervous for what jobs are going to be on the cutting block. In a lot of art circles and even on this subreddit it seems like everyone’s in a panic. Harsh realities I know, but even if I wasn’t to work in animation or film or visual arts at all I’d be terrified for what’s to come, art is so little respected as it is. I’m not anticipating switching majors or anything but it’s making me think of at least think up a good minor maybe? Hah I don’t know! I’m honestly just trying to gauge how really nervous students especially should be at this moment and maybe if it’s even a great idea right now to try and I guess make a living in animation. I know there’s been periods of hardships and corporate America is very unforgiving (not sure about other countries) but I gotta say I’m starting to feel like all ‘tech’ fields are suffering a bit out here especially-someone who considered computer science for a time

First and foremost, I should explain I am a terrible sleeper to begin with. I am easily awoken by all sounds, light, etc. I had a really bad bout of insomnia for several months at one point and was put on Ambien, but I did not like some of the side effects and I would really like to avoid going back to that. At some point my ex-husband and I started sleeping in different rooms because just him coming to bed would wake me up. This brings me to my first point: I must have my white noise machine on, as it helps block out other small noises (ie my cats, people walking by outside, and so on).
Now, my white noise machine is small and fairly portable. I have friends who snore pretty bad but when I go on vacation with them I take these super soft ear buds that plug into the machine, and I just sleep with it in the bed. It's not the best sleep, as it may sometimes hurt my ear and whenever I need to roll over I physically wake up to do so and have to move the machine to the opposite side of the pillow. But it does well for just a handful of nights of kinda bleh sleep vs no sleep at all.
As for my current situation: my now boyfriend snores, and fairly badly if he is on his back. Some nights I can just prod him and ask him to roll over and he will, and we can just go back to sleep. He falls back asleep immediately and I take a while. But some nights he very quickly ends up on his back again. According to him, this is his favorite position to sleep in.
I do sleep with the white noise when he is there, he is cool with it. However, like I said it only blocks out small noises and not loud snoring. Sleeping with the ear buds in every night is not feasible due to above mentioned reasons. I also don't like having to ask him to roll over all the time because it's not fair to him either.
For the record, I can't sleep with music or the TV on, nor can I do earplugs (I end up keeping myself awake because I can hear my own breathing too loud.) Melatonin does nothing for me (there were several nights even the ambien didn't work when I was on it,) let alone over the counter sleeping pills (even on nyquil when I'm sick I might only get 2 or 3 hours on a crappy night). I don't sleep well on the couch and only go out there on the worst nights, and he says he always feels sad when he wakes up and realizes he was keeping me up enough to move to the couch. I do not have an extra room. We currently don't live together technically but the reality is he is here 5-6 nights a week, and on occasion I stay at his place too. On the nights where we are each are at our respective homes, I feel lonely that he isn't there (and he agreed that he feels the same).
I am at a loss as what to do, I have been up all night and finally coming to reddit out of desperation. Is there something else I can try that I haven't listed above?
Side note: I know I have anxiety, and that can keep me up. The anxiety itself only gets bad when I am alone, and my brain spirals.

She probably will never see this, then again I could be wrong. I kind of hope she does so I can say some of what I wanted to say, but instead we ended up arguing over things that are really not important and I wish I could take it all back.
In High School it started and I never told anyone, not even my best friend. You were the one, the girl who was in a relationship, the crush I always wanted, the one I wanted to marry and spend my life with, to treat with the most genuine respect and to love and cherish. The problem was you were taken and I respected that line, most people don't. Yet life just kept moving forward. I come to find years later that your life has been filled with trauma, neglect, abuse, filled with drama and hate, being used and taken advantage of. The things I would never let happen to you or do to you were happening or had happened, and it breaks my heart to see you so different than the one I knew all those years ago. But deep in there it's still you and I hope that I may one day bring you back to happiness and to keep a smile on your face and to show you how much you are loved.
After 20 years we found each other living together albeit briefly after some difficult and unexpected times. I tried to tell you how I felt, you didn't want to hear it. And then we did something together I never thought would ever happen, and it was something I had hoped would happen for so long. I will always remember it and think about it everyday, how incredible it was and how it still could be. Even the first time our lips locked I was in complete ecstacy, the way you kissed me was something passionate and real, not just another kiss. You really are amazing and so beautiful and I wish we could continue to become something more. Something beautiful. Something forever.
I didn't want to leave you but I couldn't stand being thought of as just someone else there to use you. I would never hurt you. I tried to find the words, but you shut me down, you distanced yourself from me, that hurt. I know things are tough and I was willing to do everything I could to help.
Maybe I sound like I am rambling now but just know this. I am sorry for how I left, for leaving you alone, for everything wrong that I may have done. I just want you in my life, by my side. Maybe one day that will happen but it is something you need to figure out. I will continue to wait for you. If you will have me, come to me. You'll be safe and respected, loved and appreciated. For now, I am setting off on the hunt for more money, to give myself a fresh start and that also includes you, as I told you during our time together. My hand and heart will be waiting for you to take.
Find me. Message me. Email me. Call me. Anything. I want to make you happy for the rest of our lives.
I'm sorry J. I miss you. I want you with me. I want to hold you, hold your hand, to love you, to kiss you, to be the one you deserve. Hopefully we will find each other again. For now, just know im there thinking about you, waiting and going to do everything I possibly can.
Me.

This may upset some people. In fact I can count on it.
I only wrote this for 1% of you. For the rest, please disregard it.
A Different Game:
I'm not sure if I can explain this. I don't think that I totally understand it myself, but that's ok.
Long term fasting isn't about food, but you already knew that or you wouldn't be attempting a long fast.
This may not pertain to everyone that does a long fast. Maybe it won't pertain to any of them.
You may not know who I am, or of my situation. That's ok. I'm just some guy in a sub-reddit.
For me the battle is more important than the weightloss. Fasting can tear you down right to the core. It can lay you open and expose vulnerabilities that you didn't know you had.
That can be a good thing if you are ready for it. When you've faced something that stripes you down, you only have two ways to go. You either stay broken or you rebuild a new you.
Fasting isn't a team sport. The rebuilding process is a solo journey. You will face family and friends that mean well. You will face people on reddit that have watched a few videos of someone that thinks they know about fasting.
The fact is that after your first long fast, you have experience, they have hearsay.
Repeating what somebody else said about something that very few people have experienced is easy. There are way to many armchair quarterbacks.
For all intents and purposes they are standing on the sidewalk watching the parade go by.
We need to respect those people. They believe what they are saying. They don't mean to drag you down. They just don't understand that the game we are playing is nothing like the game they are playing.
Respecting them doesn't mean letting their opinions effect you. We leave their words to them. We step outside of their world.
We are outside of the box thinkers. We learn by doing, not by reading, watching, or listening.
In short, we cut our own path.
Long term fasting will cause you to question everything about your past, present, and future.
It will make you question yourself to the point that you lose the belief in your fight.
Don't be mistaken. This is war. You will fight battles every day of your fast.
TV commercials, concerned family members, concerned friends, people in the fasting reddit, all of these and more, are all battles. Each battle takes your energy to fight them.
We all have a limit as to how much unintentional abuse that we can take.
Remember, we are playing a different game. We aren't better than them, it's just a different game.
To succeed we close off there words. We smile and nod without telling them they are wrong. Their rules don't apply. Remember, ours is a different game. We need our energy for other challenges, tougher challenges.
Once we're in a long fast our mind will scream at us. It doesn't Remember why it stored the fat. How could it. We don't live in a world where using fat for energy is part of the equation.
We know the truth. Fat is fuel. Combine that fat with electrolytes and vitamins and your body has a built in smorgasbord.
You will face many days where you question whether it is worth it. Days when the scales aren't moving, and you are constantly thinking about your comfort food, can push you close to your limit. If you aren't confident and forward thinking it can break you.
We play a game that is much like chess. Our move is the result of a strategy that we decided on several moves ago. We don't make in the moment decisions. We know the obstacles but we don't care because we set this strategy in motion days before. Today is temporary. It is here and gone in the blink of an eye.
Tomorrow. That's how we win today's battle. Our mind is already in tomorrow. How can we giving in today if we are already in a tomorrow frame of mind.
Our battle is intense. As with chess, sometimes we have to sacrifice a pawn, maybe even a knight. We do this by skipping a family gathering or a superbowl party if they fall within our fasting plan.
I've missed Easter, Thanksgiving, my birthday, my mom's birthday, mother's day, and 4th of july cookouts.
This game requires sacrifice. The weightloss is great. I've lost 240 pounds, but that is irrelevant.
Our true opponent is our mind. Nothing else can matter. In truth, nothing else exists. We stand alone. Alone against family, friends, and armchair experts.
On one fast, I was on day 56. My mind was done. I didn't think I had anything left in the gas tank, but I've faced things in life that totally wiped me out. I knew there is always just a little more left if we reach deep.
I held on. My mind was screaming. I couldn't hear anything but, "give in, it's over"
I dug deep. I went to my room. I just wanted to go to bed. I climbed on my bed. I couldn't climb under the covers. That would take too much external energy. I knelt on my bed. I rocked back and forth for three hours. I was sobbing uncontrollably. My body was shaking from the depth of those sobbs.
I made it. The tears ended. The rocking ended. I collapsed on my bed and slept for hours.
I faced one of the hardest challenges in my 55 years on this planet.
That victory is mine. Nobody can take it from me. Believe it or not several people from this fasting community tried. They told me that I was lying. They said I got lucky because I didn't die. They said I would cause someone to take their last breath.
I didn't care what they said, and I don't care now. The victory is mine. Any time I struggle I look back on that morning. I remember the intensity. I fought so hard, and I won. What challenge can I face in the future that could compare. The answer is, nothing. Nothing I will face can hold a candle to that day.
I've faced some extreme challenges. My girlfriend passed from cancer while laying in the bed beside of me. My mom went to prison when I was little. Our friend was murdered. One of our friends came over after he had been shot. We were robbed at gunpoint. None of that compared.
Even Marine Corps boot camp paled in comparison to that day.
We face intense situations while fasting. This may sound bad but I hope you can experience that. I can't think of anything that could ever take me down. I look back on that day and it empowers me. With that memory I can tackle any opponent.
We play a different game. Don't forget that.
99% of people on here won't get it. Many will condemn and down vote this.
I'll say it again, we play a different game. They won't get it and thats ok.
After you face your demons. After you make it out the other side, there is nothing left to compare.
Our battle may be different but the final outcome is the same.
We win.
After that challenge,
we win because that's all we know.

There've been dozens of theories over the years attempting to explain Red's disdain for talking. Sure, it could be meant to reflect how he was a mostly silent protagonist when we played as him, but that'd just be the out of universe reason; in-universe, it's still unclear. This was only made even more noticeable by Masters giving all the other protagonists voices and personalities, while Red remained as silent as ever.
It's not like Masters didn't do anything with Red, though. In fact, it did somewhat address his lack of talking in his 'A Day with Synga Suit Red' story.

Flint: "Speaking of... How do you give commands to your Pokemon during battles?"
Red: "... ... ... ... ... ... Words are unnecessary!"
Flint: "A bond so strong you don't even need to say anything... That's how in sync they are!"

Another thing Masters establishes about Red is that he's easily the most battle obsessed guy on Pasio.

Misty: "I mean, we ARE talking about the guy who wanted to focus on battling so much that he holed himself up in Mt. Silver!"
Professor Oak: "Red doesn't speak much, but he more than makes up for it through his actions. His passion for battle burns brighter than anyone else's. You can see it in his eyes."
Lucas: "It's true that Red's been spotted wherever intense battles happen to be. If we have a battle he'd want to join, we could get Red to come to us!"
Blue: "Pffft... It was easy. The fake wasn't giving off any of Red's usual "battle me right here, right now" vibes!"

Does seem pretty fitting that Red spent so much time battling, where he didn't need to talk, that he unintentionally stopped speaking much in general.
But at the same time, that doesn't make a ton of sense. Strong bonds are the norm for pretty much every character who's not an antagonist, while there's tons of other characters who are also obsessed with battles. How could characters like the other protagonists and various champions have not also reached this level?
Perhaps it's not necessarily Red's strong bonds or love of battle, but an actual special power that allows him to communicate wordlessly with his Pokemon. It'd certainty explain why Red's unique in this regard.
In fact, there's a decently fitting type of power that could be responsible: psychic power. For instance, as Sabrina tells us, she can use her powers to communicate with her Pokemon telepathically.

"It's one of my psychic powers."
(...)
"I can also directly communicate with my Pokemon without using my voice during battles."

However, this has two obvious problems. For starters, if Red's a psychic who can communicate telepathically, how come he doesn't talk to other people with this ability instead of going completely silent?
That's simple enough to answer. Either this ability can't be used on humans, or it requires a particularly strong bond. We get a good example of this during an event in Masters where Sabrina teams up with Volkner. She uses her abilities to help support him during battle, which he takes notice of.

Volkner: "Your support really helped me out! It was like you could tell beforehand what I was going to do. Is that your precognition at work?"
Sabrina: "Yes, it is."

However, nothing is ever said about telepathy, which you'd think Sabrina would heavily utilize with Volkner if she could, or at least, that Volkner would comment about it if it was.
But there's also another potential problem, though it's also simple to answer. Some may wonder why Red would be so used to not talking that'd he go completely silent at nearly all times, when Sabrina has the same ability, yet still talks quite a bit in comparison.
As mentioned, Red is easily the most battle obsessed person on Pasio, while Sabrina makes it pretty clear she's not the biggest fan of battling. Clearly she wouldn't be using this ability nearly as much as Red is.

"I don't enjoy battling, but it's my duty as a Gym Leader to confer Badges on anyone who has proven him- or herself worthy."
(...)
"I dislike battling, but if you wish to..."

Red being a psychic could also explain his stoic attitude as well, since controlling psychic powers largely seems to stem from one's own emotional state. This is most notably demonstrated by Caitlin.

"Haven't I ever told you? I possess psychic powers. When I was younger, I found it quite difficult to manage them, you see... When I lost a Pokemon battle, the crushing emotions I felt would cause my powers to spin out of control."
(...)
"As I moved into adulthood, I was able to control my emotions better and better. Eventually, I felt in control enough to compete in Pokemon battles all by myself."

Perhaps that's the real reason Red isolated himself on Mt. Silver. Maybe he discovered he had dangerous psychic abilities, so he trained in a remote area to control his powers, but everyone assumed he was just training his Pokemon; it's not like Red's going to speak up and correct them.
However, there's a few problems with this idea. The most obvious is how Red's never demonstrated or been implied to have any type of supernatural ability like this aside from his potential telepathy.
Another is how it seems like people can't just become psychics, they have to be born as one. Caitlin implies this, as does Avery's League Card.

"Avery comes from a long-standing family of psychics."
(...)
"Ever since he was a child, Avery could freely move things with his mind but lacked other skills, such as teleportation or telepathy. This has caused the rest of his family to label him as a disappointment."

Which would be one thing if Red was always silent, but the Copycat of Kanto indicates Red used to be quite talkative.

"Hi! Do you like Pokemon? Uh, no, I just asked you. Huh? You're strange!"

Not only that, but Avery's League Card also indicates telepathy may be a higher-level psychic ability, making Red's lack of other powers more noticeable.
However, there is another kind of special ability that could explain all this, one that may even be related to psychics as well, but...it doesn't come from the most reliable source.
Conquest's canonicity is pretty vague. It could go either way, but does steer towards non-canon. Doesn't make it the best source for theories, but hey, why not give it a few minutes of spotlight either way?
So, there aren't any Poke Balls in Conquest, which would normally make it quite difficult to catch and battle Pokemon. Luckily, there's a way around this. In Ransei, the setting of Conquest, there are individuals with a special kind of power that lets them overcome this lack of Poke Balls. I'll let the game do the talking.

Narration: "The Ransei region... An area inhabited by Warriors, those privileged few capable of communicating wordlessly with Pokemon."
Game Manual: "Among the people of Ransei are those known as Warriors, who possess the unique ability to communicate wordlessly, or "link," with Pokemon. Warriors are revered and respected by the people of the 17 kingdoms of Ransei."

Sounds pretty similar to Red, doesn't it?
Conquest doesn't comment much about how someone becomes a Warrior. But whether or not it's a skill that can be gained or something one has to be born with, both could still apply to Red. The former speaks for itself, and the latter, well, Red would only slowly realize his ability after spending a lot of time with Pokemon and noticing he doesn't need to issue commands like other trainers.
Hell, if Warriors are more directly tied to Ransei, perhaps that could also explain why Red loves battling so much. Maybe the drive for battle that was near omnipresent in the olden days of Ransei is something carried on and naturally more prominent in modern day Warriors. Though that is a lot more speculative, of course.
As mentioned earlier too, it's not out of the question Warriors are simply another form of psychic ability. Though like I also mentioned, with Conquest's questionable canonicity, the whole Warrior aspect of this theory is rather shaky in general. Still, if not a Warrior, it's always possible Red could be a low-level psychic that only happened to develop telepathy.