Hi, I know this is mostly for couple relationships. But I don't know where else to post this. I can't post in aith as mostly foreigners are there
I'm 29M. I have some trouble in my family would be a major understatement. The situation is so worse that I can't explain to anyone in my real life. Situation became so dire, I left my house and staying away and my parents calling me failure and abandoner. Its a toxic household. My brother hits my parents and I end up leaving the house while my parents defend him.
3 weeks back my brother hit my father, my father started crying profusely and started to scream and saying he'll call police. I asked my brother to leave. He does but comes back and starts acting lunatically, saying he's ready to go to Jail and loose his job but he'll expose my father for what he is. They had an argument coz he's not marrying and he has a girlfriend from work living not less 200 m away in a separate society. Which has come to our house and met my parents as well. My father had a agreement with him to get married by March this year. But such a manipulator and liar he is that was another one of his delaying tactics. Or maybe he said one two many lies and this caught up to him. When my father out of anger said to him to leave the house, he shamelessly said he won't he also contributed to it. The reason behind his fearlessness was my mother as she supported it. She actually supported him hitting him and later tried to justified by saying it was a minor hit and it didn't break his bone or something.
My brother has a history, he broke my mother's hand when I was in school and he was in college first year. He wanted to stay in hostel and my parents didn't let him. I come back from tuition and witness that. Looking back at it, this fueled his shamelessness and fearlessness as all the relatives knew this and it didn't bother him later on.
My family quite disfunctional since very beginning. We have lived in major cities for most part, my father was working in government service and got transferred a lot. My elder brother (4 years elder) and I work both in metro city and lived with my family here. Father retired last year. Mother a housewife.
Now here's the issue part. My father has been a wifebeater and sole earner. Him and my mother had issues since beginning. And they generally didn't have any understanding is what I saw. Trust was less as well. Mother used to bitch about him which my elder brother took quite well and to certain extent me too, but I started to see through it few times and ramblings of a frustrated woman as my father used to like being reveled by relatives so she feared him being more involved there.
One other side of this also the relationship of my mother and elder brother, they both grew some sort of symbiotic relationship where they each were masking each other's shortcomings by excuses and became each other's support system.
So that was in past then as we grew up our father also matured a bit in past few years but not a lot.
Now, so far it seems like every other family's trouble. Here's the main issue, I started observing certain things since past few years which made me really irked and start to distrust my family.
I don't trust my elder brother since few years 6-7 to be precise. And he has a history of beating me as well. Something in him makes me tick. Like he's trying to treat us like he treats outsiders, for profit of his own. I don't consider him my elder brother either. While my parents always try to shame me by saying I hit him as he is my elder brother, while they themselves flaunt society's rules as they like.
Last few years, I saw some issues with myself and loneliness, one time parents asked me and my brother to come to my father's posted place as he was getting retired and help shift. When I reached I'm told they have planned(my brother and them) a trip and invited me. I hadn't taken any leaves and this was extreme short notice so I couldn't get leaves. They just thought it would be very easy for me to get it. Like I was really pissed. I stayed there alone for 1 week while taking care of their stuff.
When they came back I broke down, and cried and told about my struggles with depression, my mother at that time cried. I suggested them to start searching for a bride for me. Before all this, some stuff was already happening with regards to my brother's marriage since that past year and I wasn't on speaking terms with my brother. But I saw them berating him by saying if he doesn't get married, it will be issue for me. So I tried to calm them separately by telling them to start searching for me if he's not cooperating. Mind you I was settled financially and of age, only thing stopping them was my brother was unmarried then. I thought I had managed to make a breakthrough, and could get some support with my issues but no.
My brother had a girlfriend whom I had met and had visited my house met my parents. She ditched him for reasons only he knows and from then onwards I only saw his hippocrit facade like the way he manipulated lied to my parents about meeting with prospects and finding excuses to not get married. He wasn't interested, just kept delaying and this kept frustrating my parents. He also blamed his failed relationship on my father as he said something angrily along the lines of him hitting his girlfriend when he was angry as he witnessed his father do that all his life.
This caused fights too, sometime I got involved as well. Like he threw food plate at my mother and I intervened. I had to say some harsh stuff and fight ensued. Physical too. This has been an recurring phenomenon.
My parents are no saint either. My father last year beat my mother at age of 60 no less. Like I said very disfunctional family.
After my heart to heart with my parents, they completely forgot about it. They say they didn't but they did. They never mentioned one girl, didn't even make JS/Shaadi profile for me. Look the issue is not that marriage was biggest priority for me. But that it wasn't even a priority for them when I specifically said about it.
Now another tragedy happened. I got laid off. I didn't utter a word. Then in between 6 months later from that talk they stuck me with the most shameless question ever asked by them. They tell me they had it enough with my brother's bullshit and wanted to search for me. I was almost about to lose it. But at that point I was at very low coz of my job situation and was seriously doubting my luck. Still am. Been doubting since Covid. I made up some excuse to make them lose interest in it.
Then some months later in another fight I brought it up and gave them an earful.
During all this I tried leaving my house twice for good. One time I actually rented a place. One time I gave an ultimatum that he leaves or I leave but my parents somehow convinced me to stay. Toxicity was through the roof. Parents fighting often, quite on the edge of physicality, my mother doesn't hold bapck a bit if we are around. My father is I feel is semi bipolar always on ego trip. And my brother a lying manipulator angling for his gains.
This time I couldn't hold back and decided to leavd I won't come back at all. I offered to take my father too. I declared my mother's case hopeless as the way she behaved after my brother hit my father and proudly berated him shamelessly like she felt someone took revenge of all those years of beatings and shame she got. While I held my head in shame by looking at what was unfolding. I couldn't hold back and abused them for their behavior. These shameless people started coming at me.
I was irked at the fact that my brother had his girlfriend living in the neighborhood and she used to come and visit and my folks weren't least bit bothered as they thought these guys were getting married. When in fact my folks had not even talked with her parents. Only with her elder sister who was doing a love marriage inter caste after threatening to take poison. So my mother was like believe in love an all that crap and talk about social and family values too. I am not conservative I met his first girlfriend before anyone else in family. But this was too much, if you are such big into love and family values and keeping appearance in society then marry and end it. Apparently the girl wanted to marry only after elder sister marries, so society rules exist for her but not for my family.
All this combined I stated my discomfort shared an ultimatum that he should leave and stay separately till his matter is resolved. My mother and brother came at me. They called me failure and said I was jealous of him cause of my failures to secure a person in my life. So I realised my mother was with him
I know this is too much but coz of this I left and this time I thought I was leaving with my father's blessings, but I was wrong that was just momentary coz of his anger after getting beaten by my brother.
I have been living away now for few weeks just few km away. So that I can go back if required but now the tune of my parents have changed completely. They are calling me deserter coz I left house. How can I live in that toxic family household ? And a lot of other things, as I can't help but scream at their shamelessness.
I wish old age days come back coz then you could call few relatives to sort things out. Or atleast discuss who's wrong, here they justify their doings as everyone is doing it in society, everyone fights, everyone's a little shameless so its fine. While I can't just become ostrich and deal with things when it strictly affects me. My brother's actions deeply affected me. I was depressed and had to deal with it alone, coz my parents were too busy with his bullshit and then I saw their real self. Lots of stuff I haven't mentioned here. Like how my own father defended him getting beaten as his own fruits of his deeds to defend my brother. That broke the straw for me and made me realise he was the favorite son for both of them. No amount of his shameful deeds can change it. And they will bend backwards to justify it.
Worst part is which I can't shake off, I called them selfish, shameless, mental and stupid fools who got cheated by their own son. They are equating it with my brother's beatings. Saying I'm equally as deplorable as him, as its equal as beating. In which world ?
Am I the asshole ? Should I continue on my path. Discussions and talks with my parents result in screamings as I need a neutral party as they changed the rules of civil society to fit their narrative as society has changed so its fine as everyone does it. I told them if they can find even one person their age group who thinks I'm wrong I'll come back and apologise. They told me they have no interest in getting laughed at and this happens everywhere. And I am equally guilty for abusing them. I can't take it any more. Is staying in family means becoming like then ? Is that the rule ?
My family is saying to come back and stay there and my brother will leave after getting married, saying I'm equally guilty in this as I also said harsh stuff. How is happening in this shitty world ?
TLDR: Left toxic family where brother hits father. Has history of hitting me and mother too. Parents fight too physically and defend him and his actions. And asking me to stay in that environment.

TLDR: I've been seeing this guy for 3.5 months. I said something offensive and now I'm considering to leave him because I think he'd be better off without me.
Long version
Let me tell you a bit about myself first. I'm 26F, senior at college. I've been in a long relationship that ended last year. We lived together pretty much the entire time. But I was mentally checked out for the last year or two. When we finally broke up and he left the apartment, I didn't want a relationship for a long time. I was ok flirting a bit here and there, but in the end I didn't want anything serious. Fast forward to February 2024. Finals were over, my friends went back to their hometowns to visit their families. I had to stay in town for a bit longer for some paperwork. I've been all alone almost for a couple weeks. So I posted on a reddit sub, looking for a friend to get a cup of coffee and chat.
I met with someone who reached out. He's 4 years younger than me, but studying a similar subject. He's kind, funny, educated himself in so many areas. He's not "omg look at that hottie" kind but more like "wow, he's kinda got a charm" kinda looking guy, to me at least. I didn't think or want anything other than friendship when we met up. We had the best time ever. We parted and next morning he immediately hit me up with a date request. I was shocked and panicked. I told him I wasn't looking for a relationship and he said "it's okay, I just want to get to know you"
We went on the date, it was kinda awkward since I hadn't been on a date for literally years lol but I guess it was alright. We went to see a play and had dinner after. After that night he told me he liked me. I said it's too soon. He gave me some space since he was gonna be out of town for a couple weeks, but we kept texting. The day he got back, he immediately asked to meet up for a coffee. I accepted since I didn't have anything else to do. He's easy to talk to and he can lead the conversation pretty smoothly. He's definitely charming, I'm never bored with him. We laugh and talk. We spent a month like that and we finally became closer, not really a couple but just close. Right before I left, we became intimate and it wasn't really what I expected... But I didn't lose attraction to him, we both weren't very experienced anyway. We finally cuddled and I fell asleep for a minute, then I woke up to the sound from the movie. He was whispering to me that he loves me and I'm so beautiful, thinking I'm still sleeping. I pretended to be asleep because I didn't want to say I love him too. It was too soon for me.
I thought we would lose contact when I left town but we kept talking and we became even much closer. He keeps me informed like where he is, who he is with, stuff like that etc like we're a couple. I wasn't quite ready to be there yet. I let him know that I want to spend more time together and make sure how I feel but I told him that I liked him and cared about him. He was okay with waiting. We spent weeks like this, kinda like LDR. He's always kind and funny and charming. I have my doubts time to time since he's a bit younger and sometimes he can be a little childish as well but not in an annoying way.
Fast forward to last night, we were on the phone and we were talking about something and laughing. Then I reminded him a conversation we had and that I sent him a youtube video, and said "it was like I was making a child watch a video to keep them busy", we have an inside running joke that he's a child because he's younger than me. It's definitely a joke, he calls me milf if you wanna know. We both have inside jokes like that.
But he was really offended by it and giving me the cold shoulder since. He was really calm and sad the whole conversation. It broke my heart that knowing I hurt him. He's a good person and I don't think he deserves this. I didn't even think it was a big deal until he said it was heartbreaking that I even thought of this, let alone saying it.
So my question is, even though it's not an established relationship, should I leave him and let him be happier with someone who won't hurt him?
This man absolutely adored and worshipped me and made me feel like I was important. Ofc there were times I didn't feel like it but it was still better than anything I had. And I can't believe I hurt him for something so stupid.
Tell me what to do reddit?

This is a long-winded post, but please bear with me. Okay jumping in…..so, I have this friend. She's 28, totally gorgeous, kinda became successful at a very young age, transplanted to the U.S. from another country when she was 19 to start working more seriously, etc.
She had a serious boyfriend for 3½ years. It seemed like they were soulmates to the rest of us in their friendship circles. After a few months we were all pretty close-knit, since their two friend groups spilled into each other. We did everything together, all the time. Dinners at each other's' houses, going to bars/restaurants, concerts, road trips, etc. Pretty quickly into that relationship my friend basically adopted her boyfriend's passions of photography and hiking into being her own. Let me also say.. this dude was a blue-collar working guy in the same field as her, 7 years older than she, and she was far more “successful” than he was. Didn't matter, they were genuinely in love. Posting each other's photos on Instagram all the time, constantly bringing each other up in conversations, etc.
Things were going well, until 2 years ago. After my friend and her boyfriend went away on separate jobs for a month….. she came back to town in love with her new “coworker”. Totally left-field, and all of us who were mutual friends of the two were shocked by this. No one had any inkling of a problem between them. All we got when we asked what happened was a “well things change, but, we're still staying friends”. Obviously, to those of us who are their friends, something seemed shady about what went down and we couldn't put our finger on what it could be. Sure, people fall out of love, or things run their course, but this was far too random and the timing was so odd. Neither one is religious, neither cares about marriage, non-abusive, they're both liberal, etc. So there was literally no signs of any troubles on that front.
The guy my friend has been with for the past two years since is a great person. Very funny dude, and a sweetheart. Would give someone the shirt off of his back. He's also more successful than she is in her same field, and is only 4 years older. We friends all like him well enough, but the friendship group dynamics have shifted considerably, obviously. Within months of the shocking breakup two years ago, she immediately co-opted this new guy's friend circle as her own, and some of us were kinda left out in the cold for a little while. Gradually she started to include us into the new guy's group, and we all get along well…. But, there's also a weird tension now that wasn't there before. We all feel it.
When a handful of us friends from her group run into mutual friends of her ex, we always wonder amongst ourselves what happened with their relationship…. The ex, still an awesome dude in his own right, hasn't really gotten over the breakup. He says he's doing fine and all that, but we can tell he isn't the same. Granted it has been two years, but his photos of my friend are still on his instagram, along with all of his romantic comments to her from years ago. He throws himself into his job, travels, but when he is home, he just stays inside or goes on long hikes with one other person. My friend still follows him and she likes his posts sometimes, but from what I'm told from his own best friends is that when they've talked since the break-up it's very superficial…. Surface-level conversations with no real substance.
For a year after the breakup, my friend kept talking nostalgically about her past - like it was so distant. Age 19, with a great job, running around L.A. with new friends, etc. She would bring up that back then she felt like an “adult” and was sure of who she was….but since then, she's realized she has no clue who she is and wants to find herself. This kind of talking set off alarm bells with a few of us in her circle, and we sort of felt like maybe there is more to our friend than we realize. She really dove into the relationship with the guy she is with now, and I think it's fair to say the ex was discarded. At least that's the vibe a couple of us have post-breakup.
She doesn't post anything with the guy she's with now. Or, she does… but she doesn't tag him in the photos (and they're long shots from far away). She rarely posts him, and vice versa. The last time I think they posted each other was on their Instagram story on Valentine's Day months ago. Yet, oddly, since she's started dating him she's come out of her “shell” more and is behaving in a much more ambitious outgoing way than she was with the ex. Again, it is like she is adopting her boyfriend’s traits into her own.
I guess the discussion I'd like to have is… is my friend a usemanipulator with a mental illness? Is she capable of being “happy”, or is she bad news? Sure, millions of people have broken up for a multitude of reasons. Maybe she genuinely just wasn't into the ex anymore… but people don't just fall out of love at random and discard someone they say is their soulmate for another man within a month’s time. I'm talking all-in on the relationship with this newer guy, yet she doesn't post it publicly like the previous one, and she keeps us at arm’s length sometimes from him and his friends. One of our mutual buddies, who is more outspoken and is about to end their friendship with her, thinks she's just “recharging her batteries” and will end up discarding this guy as well in a year or two. We're thinking about talking to her about all of this soon.
She's always seemed like such a great friend and an empath. But, given her behavior over the past two years, some of us are wondering if we should continue being friends with her. Breaking up with someone you're “soulmates” with and getting someone new within a month and going 100% all-in… to me just screams emotional immaturity and that she probably has unrealistic expectations of what she wants in someone. Like she traded the ex dude for someone who had a piece of what she thinks she's looking for. Or do you redditors think she likely got bored, and longed for the early honeymoon period of sunshine and rainbows again with someone else (which is selfish/narcissistic)
Please be nice in your responses. Thanks. :)

Bear with me as I describe what amounts to an almost religious experience after finishing the game for the first time. SPOILERS and nigh-rambling. But I just have to share. I hope you'll stay a while a listen. :)
I tried playing Cyberpunk a couple months ago. Corpo Male, strong roleplaying. When the Johnny Silverhand stuff started, I got really frustrated and quit. I didn't like how the game saw fit to ramrod me into this extremely narrow story when I thought the experience was going to be more open than that. I wanted to play a character who tried to rise to the top of Night City's corporate world through double-dealing and backstabbery...and now all the sudden my character is dying and has this voice in his head.
I was not going to be able to tell the story I wanted to tell.
It was that ludonarrative dissonance thing, like in the Witcher 3, I always struggled to justify doing too many side missions, given that Geralt (as I was playing him) was very concerned about finding Ciri, so there just didn't seem to be time to get embroiled in all these other adventures.
But then I saw this randomly come across my YouTube feed: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F0gR_C0Pd1k&ab_channel=JekavacTV
Dude. I don't care how linear your story is...that's incredible. And dark.
I've been on hard times lately. While I was never serious about unaliving myself, it was a thought that bounced around in my head here and there at my lowest moments...and this clip just...it hit me. I always believed that self-deletion was deeply wrong, if only because of the harm it did to others who loved you. Whatever was on the table, that solution could never be entertained seriously. I just couldn't do it to my loved ones.
But I've also been struggling with who I am, who I'm supposed to be, what my purpose is. LOL big club I know.
But that video convinced me to give 2077 another try. If an ending could be that hardcore and meaningful...there must be something worthwhile in this game. So I rolled a Nomad Male, and began my love affair with this game. I didn't try to concoct a character so much as just try to play V as myself. I really related to his leaving the Bakkers, and going it alone. Also I moved around a lot as a kid, and my Dad was a hippie biker in his heyday, and a mechanic. So it felt true to form.
And then when you meet Jackie...I mean c'mon, who's more loveable than Jackie?
I really started to get into the game then. And it finally started to dawn on me what the game's story is trying to communicate.
I figured 2077 would devolve into a lot of cynicism, and exploit the violence and sex for cheap thrills. Or maybe it would lean on shock value and become doomeblackpill fodder. But CDPR ain't no slouches. Night City is an exaggerated snapshot of where we are now. And V's predicament is one many of us are facing: we want to make our mark on the world, but is it worth it to step on everyone along the way? Even if we're trying not to die? Or worse, just be erased. Many of us struggle with a voice in our head telling us we're fuckups. We're pussies. We're slaves. We're not worth the trouble.
At first I took Silverhand for an antagonist, essentially. A nasty SOB I had to keep at bay, given that my V was a mostly good guy who just wanted a family again. Especially after Jackie died...man his wake, and helping Misty sort through his things? That got to me.
And of course there's that lingering fear that, no matter how much Silverhand may begin to charm you or appear like he's on your side - he's going to take over. V is actually warned that eventually, Silverhand will just make a play to do just that.
So I was careful with him, but I wanted to know more, because he was such an intriguing character, and its easily one of Reeves' best performances. Period. So I invested in his conversations and eventually his sidequests. I also did what I could to help others in Night City who helped me. I was dying, so...it felt like a good time to be generous. Even if sometimes I had to off a bunch of gangoons with a shotgun. XD
Then as the story developed, I began to see that Silverhand wasn't quite the legend everyone thought. He was a man who had sorely, sorely screwed his life up - as well as the lives of many others. He even seemed to regret it.
I even told Silverhand I'd take a bullet for him, after receiving his dog tags. I never expected that kind of a scene between those two.
It became clear that Silverhand was a ghost, stuck between life and death, looking for absolution, trying to do something right for once. And V could help. So I did. We found Alt Cunningham. We took Rogue on a date. We got Samurai together for one last gig. We tried to track Adam Smasher down. I was putting trust in Johnny, and it was clear that he wasn't really wanting to kill V after all. But he had no choice.
I also met Panam, fell in love, and became a de-facto Aldecaldo. Was never sure about Saul, but Mitch and the others were just salt of the earth man. Great little storyline.
I helped Judy, all the way until she finally left Night City, and was glad of it. I do wish she was romanceable by dudes, but...she was still just too precious, I couldn't turn a blind eye to her problems, or her kindness. Her little story with the underwater town was so moving and unique...I just wanted to give that girl a hug man. What a sweetheart.
Then it all came to a head. V is on his last leg. That fateful scene where you make your big choice. Silverhand pushing me to just take the orange pill and let him do his thing, since he's almost in control anyway. Or I could testify against Yorinobu, and put my trust in Arasaka. OR, I could call on my new family in Panam and the Aldecaldos, but put them at risk.
This entire game I felt like every choice was vital. I felt like one slip up and I could mess up my chances of living, or even worse, do wrong by the people I cared about, just like Jackie. But I stuck to my guns, helped who I could...
Which is why I chose to lean on the Aldecaldos for help. Yes, I was putting them at risk. But even though I was beginning to trust Johnny, this wasn't his fight anymore. Much as Johnny might have a shot, I couldn't just give up now. And I certainly wasn't going to trust anyone at Arasaka.
The raid on Arasaka HQ with the clan was rough. Felt like all my choices had led here, and I worried that CDPR was going to punish me for my past choices, given that Night City takes no prisoners and few get out alive. I also knew that Adam Smasher was bound to appear. And having seen Edgerunners...I knew that wasn't going to be pretty. I saw how Johnny's story ended, for example.
There were rumblings about Saul and Panam still being at odds, and I figured the game was priming me for a betrayal or a horrific upset somehow. But I forged ahead anyway, because I was with my family. I didn't want power. I didn't even want to be a legend. I just wanted to live.
I watched Adam Smasher kill Saul horrifically, heard Panam scream in horror...and I zeroed that MFer. XD
Protip: even on Hard Diff, if you have the right perks and implants, you can be virtually unkillable. Only died once. Not sure if that's impressive, but it felt impressive. XD
My V wasn't sophisticated, but he was tough as nails and determined. I wasn't about to let everyone's sacrifice be in vain. Not Saul's. Not Jackie's. Not Goro's. Not Johnny's.
I informed Smasher of Johnny's resurrection just before blowing his brains out with Johnny's own signature gun. Even though Johnny was subdued by the bluepill, it felt like my last gift to him...even as I was moments from death.
Then the moment of truth...Mikoshi. I asked Panam for parting advice. She said "Just be yourself." Normally I'd roll my eyes at that advice but, something about it felt prophetic.
The final choice. Alt had used Soulkiller on me, in order to save me, but now it seemed I wasn't going to get my happy ending. I could go with her beyond the Blackwall, and finally let Johnny have my body - or I could return, but only have about six months, since the Relic had just caused too much damage.
It wasn't that hard of a choice. Leave everything and everyone I had grown to love behind for some bizarre virtual afterlife? Or let Johnny finally rest, and let V return to the world, Panam and the Aldecaldos? I chose life. As Johnny laid me down in the 'well', gently, he said "Goodbye V." And it felt like two friends parting ways. It felt like he'd made a change, and I helped him get there.
And boy was I rewarded. Even though I didn't have long, I had a chance to start again, and maybe even find another way to live. I had Panam, I had the Caldos, and I could finally leave Night City in the dust. "I have everything I need", V said.
This game absolutely SLAPS with hard choices. Over and over and over, you're reminded about how unfair the world is. But if you keep your head on, and ignore the power plays, stay true to your friends, and don't take no shit - you can get out alive. And not just you. The ones you love can too.
Of course, many of you already know all of this. So why did I bother posting?
All my life I've felt like maybe I've been too nice, or too careful, or too unwilling to take life by the balls. But one thing I've always been good at is helping people in need when I can, and always being available to my friends. But for some reason I always looked down on myself for it. I never felt like I was worth anything. I never felt like I was making a difference in the world. There were so many hard choices, and I felt like I never made the right ones. And that I'd just die one day, and be forgotten. Never having made my mark. Just like so many in Night City...
Some days I'd think "Maybe it'd just be better if I was never born." Because I was such a fuckup. A loser. A nobody.
But the person who helps people, who's there for others even when its inconvenient? That's the kind of person who can make a REAL difference. Fuck money. Fuck politics. Fuck fame. None of its worth a damn if you aren't doing right by others.
And that really came through in the end credits. I'm not ashamed to say I was in tears as all these people from my playthrough reminded me how much I meant to them. How much they cared, and that I mattered. All these people had happy endings because of me. I never let them down, not even when the grim reaper himself was breathing down my neck.
It was like all my IRL friends and family were speaking to me in those moments. And finally, FINALLY, I could see myself as they saw me: a man who cared and was trying to be there for them. A man that made a difference in their lives.
Yeah I didn't save the world, per se. But, really, that's how we save the world for real, lame as it may sound. The sheer contrast between the ending I had earned by just trying to do right by all the people in V's life, and that horrific ending I posted earlier was...stark. If you give up, then everyone suffers, not just you.
This game saw me, and reminded me who I was. It rewarded me for it, and I'll never forget it. For all its flaws, all its quirks and failings, I adored this game and all the effort that went into it. It's clear CDPR were trying to say something with this work of art, and boy was the message received on my end.
I can safely say I'm less likely to despair now because of it. I feel more alive because of it. I feel more prepared for the real world because of it. And I wanted to share my experience, if only to remind one person that:
We can all make a difference. Live for others, not yourself. It pays off. Even if it doesn't seem like it at the time. It's the only legacy worth leaving in this fallen world.

We both tattoo and met 9 months ago at the tattoo shop I worked at, she was an apprentice and we just clicked and started talking. In the beginning looking back I think we both love bombed eachother but at the time I didn’t see it that way I just saw it as love at first sight and I was so into her and her I. But I recall her telling me I told her I love you sooner than normal, I want to prefise this as to say I may also have some undiagnosed issues. I have an identical twin who has bipolar I dnt know the specifics but he could be very irrational and angry most of the time. But I’ve never been that way. I’m typically passive and try my best to avoid conflict, a people pleaser. But back to the story we fell in love and in the beginning our age gap was an issue for her but over time that became a non issue. I became part of her family and she became part of mine. But at least once a month she would break up with me for various reasons one main reason being she was confused about her sexuality, we are both bi, she would always come back saying she loved me and I’m just confused and we would have the most amazing sex and special moments. When we met she had a male friend that she told me was only a friend but after 4 months randomly confessed he wasn’t just a friend, he was an ex she met though a dating app. Which really shocked me because they talked everyday which isn’t a problem and I wouldn’t typically care but the fact she chose to lie for so long made me uncomfortable. Which she insisted on continuing to talk to after I expressed that it made me uncomfortable. She also had a mutual friend lie to me so they could spend time together without my knowledge saying that she did this because she thought I would be mad considering she’s bi and our mutual friend is lesbian. And again I was shocked that she did this. I found this out by looking in her phone which I’m not proud of but if I didn’t this information would have never been known. after this she treated me with so much love for a small period of time and I always wondered if it was only an attempt to make up for the things she’d did as it soon stopped and we went back to the ways things were. Her withholding affection silent treatments and lack of communication. But she wanted to regain my trust and so I chose to forgive her and build back the trust. Fast forward to now she would txt me I love u every morning and we had plans for the future and all the things in a relationship and suddenly and randomly again she messaged saying I can’t do this I’m confused and I no longer have feelings for you. Obviously I was confused and deeply hurt, I regrettably begged her to work on this with me because she has done this in the past and hasn’t been taking her medication throughout our relationship and since I’ve met her I’ve learned so much about her condition. She has quiet bpd and disorganized attachment. And I’m anxiously attached so in my mind I thought could this be a repeat of her past behaviors and with time this may pass. She agreed but said she only would do it to make me happy and that because her family loved me it made sense but deep down I knew and she vocalized that she didn’t want to and that she was putting on a mask to satisfy me. Which hurts because I want her to be happy but I also wanted her to want to fix this like I did. The plan was to take things slow so I invited her over for dinner and movies and told her I would refrain from serious talk but the problem is with her I was never able to talk about my feelings. Anything serious or relationship related and she would shut down and it stifled any communication. we had a few drinks and regrettably I brought up my frustrations and how it wasn’t just the two of it was us and her bpd. Like usual she shut down and I tried to be present while she explained her feelings. The mistake I made was that while she was crying I was smirking this is what she said and that wasn’t my intention to make her feel crazy but she said my facial expressions made her feel that way .so she left and has blocked me on everything. I kind of vommitted all my backed up feelings on her because I repressed it for so long and I feel bad, I didn’t want to hurt her but I never felt safe telling her how I felt out of fear of her reaction but since it may very well be the end I wanted to at least tell my truth. I loved her so much and regret my inability to hold to what I said and not bring up serous talk if u will but I also feel like it’s not fair to me that I can’t express my self to my partner. Through our relationship she said some of the meanest things anyone has ever to me that anyone. I guess this is kind of a rant and idk what opinions you may have because I don’t think she will ever speak to me again but the saddest part is I truly loved her and her family and would have done anything for her and I tried every day to be there for her and learn about her condition so that I could be the best partner possible . I’m scared about my future and the pain I will face in the coming months, I built my life around her. But I think deep down I knew this wouldn’t work I just so badly wanted it to. I love u Andrea always and forever. I’ll never know how much of our relationship was steered by her bpd but I know that she has an amazingly loving and kind person and just has her own set of problems. I want to say that I know I have issues to and in no way want to be negative towards her or undermined my issue I just can only write so much in this post. I’ve never felt a pain like this and I’ve had other serious relationships. Sry for the rant I just need to vent my feelings and I just miss her already and I dnt see a point in anything anymore but I’m to weak to unalive myself.

My (19M) friend (19M) texted me 3 months ago to tell me that he could no longer speak to me because he is in a committed relationship and he was starting to develop a crush on me. In order to prioritise his boyfriend, whom he loves very much, he had to cut contact with me, for a non-specific amount of time. In his words, it is “dangerous” for us to speak.
This all starts when we were 16- 3 years ago. Something important to know: this did not start platonically. We were two 16 year old boys who had similar interests and who could sustain one another intellectually, and thence began a romantic long-distance summer fling. He is a classical musician and actually composed me some pieces. After a while, it died out because of the distance. We remained friends after the fact, but I most certainly did not forget him. He told me at 16 that I was one of those people you’re told your whole life that you’ll meet. Those words have stuck with me.
For the next two years that followed, contact remained spotty. Any conversation we had revolved around music (mostly), philosophy, life, anything. Usually long conversations, but very infrequent.
Then August 2023 rolls around. I’m 18 and I’m about to begin uni on the other side of the country. In a new city….. in his city. Yes, I moved to his city. Not on purpose. I post my arrival on my Instagram story, and he replies that we must get coffee together sometime soon. Basically, I was head over heels. I had a crush on this guy. He’s a local, so he ended up picking a pizza restaurant. I arrive first and I’m waiting in front of the restaurant, facing the window. All of a sudden, I see his reflection in the window; a guy wearing a violin case like a backpack. I turn around and he crosses the street to come give me a hug. This was our first meeting in person.
We spoke a while in the restaurant. Spoiler: He has had a boyfriend since March at this point (I HAD NO CLUE). At one point in our pizza-filled conversation, he mentions his boyfriend. However, in our language, the word he used can mean either boyfriend or friend. I really didn’t think he was in a relationship, so my delusional ass interpreted it in the platonic sense. After the restaurant, we walked to his music school, where we found a room. I sat on a chair and he took out his violin. He asked me to name any composer and he would play a piece from said composer. I neglected to mention that he is extremely talented. One in a million. If it isn’t obvious, I thought this was a date. It was not a date; not for him at least.
After said encounter, I felt quite disappointed that I didn’t get any romantic vibes from him (duh, it was not a date. He literally mentioned his boyfriend lol). I complained to my old roommate for days about this. My roommate, on some intoxicated bender, texts this guy and tells him that he needs to let me know if he has feelings for me or not. I was furious. My roommate guiltily confessed this to me the following morning. He told my roommate that he is not single and that he is not at all interested in me. He does say, however, that “we would have been the perfect match”; something that he probably shouldn’t have said but it is not something that I will contest. What my roommate did was a gross violation of my boundaries, of course I’m upset. However, in a way, it almost needed to happen. A few days later, I reply to his story about some other restaurant, and he says that his bf/friend (the word is ambiguous in our language) recommended it to him. I ask him if he has a boyfriend and he clears it up then and there. It was after this interaction that my crush dissipated. Knowing that he wasn’t interested in me really helped with me moving onto other guys.
Over the following months, we speak every now and then. When we spoke, the conversations would not end. The kind of conversations where you know that you have to go to bed, so you wished the other person goodnight, yet there you are talking about fucking Ligeti 50 minutes later. Anyways, while I was supposed to working on a philosophy assignment, I told him that I USED to have a crush on him, but I was firm on the fact that I no longer did. I told him the “date” story as a funny anecdote. He had no clue that I ever liked him like that at any point. The conversation got a little awkward, but he told me that he really loves his boyfriend, but that he “does not forget”. He tells me that we would have been a perfect match. Funny.
A little while after, he invites me to one of his concerts at the museum. There, I meet his mother and grandparents. Also, his boyfriend. The concert was great, and the three of us chat for a while afterwards. Unfortunately, he has to leave, but he suggests that I tour the museum with his boyfriend, so his boyfriend and I tour the museum together. Interesting experience. Something important to know: I don’t have the best impression of his boyfriend. Their relationship is (was???) an open relationship and it felt like this guy really had to convince him to join his polyamory, based on what he told me in their conversations. Also, they were apparently on a break at one point earlier in the year because my friend’s mental/physical health was really bad, so to me it seems as though his boyfriend abandoned him in his time of need because the relationship “got hard”, so I already don’t have the best impression of him based on what my friend has told me. Anyways, I honestly thought that his bf was flirting with me??? (I guess he is allowed to because it’s an open relationship, but still…).
Fast forward the following month: we were supposed to see a concert together but something bad happened so he couldn’t attend. I end up buying him a CD which I had signed because this is a very famous pianist who just happened to visit our city. For like 3 months, we didn’t see each other, but I reminded him regularly that I had a specially-signed CD to give him. He has classes next to my apartment sometimes, but we can’t seem to get our schedules to fit…. until the end of February.
He has this class thing where you can invite people to watch you play and get critiqued, which he invited me to! After watching him play, I greet him outside the room and one of his colleagues. Let’s call her F. We all chat a little and I give him his disk. Literally such a mundane interaction.
BUT THEN THREE DAYS LATER, he texts me that he is very sorry, but that we have to cut contact. He has been dishonest toward himself and toward his boyfriend, because he has a crush on me. He doesn’t WANT to have a crush on me. And look, I get it. His relationship is important and he is putting the guy he loves first. You can’t control how you feel about people, but you CAN control what you do about it. So I get it. Wouldn’t I do the same? I told him to promise me that he wouldn’t forget about me completely. I screamed “what the actual fuck” multiple times because I didn’t know how to process this. This is definitely not an event I expected to have in 2024… The only links we have in common are now: we have each other’s phone numbers, we are Facebook friends, and I am friends with F on Facebook because she also happens to be in my programme at uni. But we have not spoken. Not a single word between us since February 24th. I respect his decision, so I will not speak to him.
This guy occupied my mind rent-free. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Frustrating because when he told me that he wasn’t interested back in August, that was enough to help me move on. And all of a sudden, my mind can’t let go of the fact that this guy has a crush on me. This guy, whom my type is kind of based on honestly. Middle of March rolls by, and I meet F (his colleague) again at an event hosted by our programme. We all got drunk, especially me 🤦🏻‍♂️. And of course, being drunk, you have a tendency to bring down your inhibitions. We’re on the bus and she asks me how I know the friend. I tell her it’s a long story, but that I can’t speak to him anymore. I say that “he’s soooo dramatic”. She asks me to explain further, but I tell her that I can’t.
The next day, I felt like an idiot!!! Wow. I almost told her what happened. I don’t need that spreading around his school. I saw a uni therapist at the beginning of April, which didn’t really help much. Every time I took the bus, I would check to see if he too was on the bus. Never was.
BUT THEN, I met someone new. We’ll call him T. T has been successful in getting my mind off of the friend. It’s quite recent, but we’re seeing each other and it’s moving along smoothly. Beginning of May, I barely think about the friend anymore. I have a new guy in my thoughts and I’m very happy about it. So T and I go to see a concert together. Guess who just had to be doing a pre-concert in the waiting hall. The violinist friend. T and I are walking up the stairs and all of a sudden the violinist and I made eye-contact and I basically just had a hot flash. I had not seen this guy since February… And I seriously had to make eye-contact with him while I’m on a date with T???
I feel like my progress is ruined. Ever since I saw him at the concert hall, he is on my mind again. I keep checking his Facebook. I can’t listen to my favourite music without thinking about him. But I refuse to give up the music that feeds my soul just because he likes the same stuff. I feel awful toward T, because I have another guy in my thoughts.
All I know is that this person is special. I have known this for years and he is not someone I could accept never having in my life again. He has never forsaken me. I have a deep desire to share my life with him and to be apart of his, and I am perfectly okay with it being platonic. I just don’t know how I’m supposed to live my life without it being a soap opera.
TL;DR: An old friend that I had a crush on, but no longer had a crush on once I found out that he was in a relationship and was not interested in me, ended up having a crush on me and has had to cut contact with me in order to not be dishonest toward his boyfriend. I can’t stop thinking about him. It’s driving me mad.

My (19M) friend (19M) texted me 3 months ago to tell me that he could no longer speak to me because he is in a committed relationship and he was starting to develop a crush on me. In order to prioritise his boyfriend, whom he loves very much, he had to cut contact with me, for a non-specific amount of time. In his words, it is “dangerous” for us to speak.
This all starts when we were 16- 3 years ago. Something important to know: this did not start platonically. We were two 16 year old boys who had similar interests and who could sustain one another intellectually, and thence began a romantic long-distance summer fling. He is a classical musician and actually composed me some pieces. After a while, it died out because of the distance. We remained friends after the fact, but I most certainly did not forget him. He told me at 16 that I was one of those people you’re told your whole life that you’ll meet. Those words have stuck with me.
For the next two years that followed, contact remained spotty. Any conversation we had revolved around music (mostly), philosophy, life, anything. Usually long conversations, but very infrequent.
Then August 2023 rolls around. I’m 18 and I’m about to begin uni on the other side of the country. In a new city….. in his city. Yes, I moved to his city. Not on purpose. I post my arrival on my Instagram story, and he replies that we must get coffee together sometime soon. Basically, I was head over heels. I had a crush on this guy. He’s a local, so he ended up picking a pizza restaurant. I arrive first and I’m waiting in front of the restaurant, facing the window. All of a sudden, I see his reflection in the window; a guy wearing a violin case like a backpack. I turn around and he crosses the street to come give me a hug. This was our first meeting in person.
We spoke a while in the restaurant. Spoiler: He has had a boyfriend since March at this point (I HAD NO CLUE). At one point in our pizza-filled conversation, he mentions his boyfriend. However, in our language, the word he used can mean either boyfriend or friend. I really didn’t think he was in a relationship, so my delusional ass interpreted it in the platonic sense. After the restaurant, we walked to his music school, where we found a room. I sat on a chair and he took out his violin. He asked me to name any composer and he would play a piece from said composer. I neglected to mention that he is extremely talented. One in a million. If it isn’t obvious, I thought this was a date. It was not a date; not for him at least.
After said encounter, I felt quite disappointed that I didn’t get any romantic vibes from him (duh, it was not a date. He literally mentioned his boyfriend lol). I complained to my old roommate for days about this. My roommate, on some intoxicated bender, texts this guy and tells him that he needs to let me know if he has feelings for me or not. I was furious. My roommate guiltily confessed this to me the following morning. He told my roommate that he is not single and that he is not at all interested in me. He does say, however, that “we would have been the perfect match”; something that he probably shouldn’t have said but it is not something that I will contest. What my roommate did was a gross violation of my boundaries, of course I’m upset. However, in a way, it almost needed to happen. A few days later, I reply to his story about some other restaurant, and he says that his bf/friend (the word is ambiguous in our language) recommended it to him. I ask him if he has a boyfriend and he clears it up then and there. It was after this interaction that my crush dissipated. Knowing that he wasn’t interested in me really helped with me moving onto other guys.
Over the following months, we speak every now and then. When we spoke, the conversations would not end. The kind of conversations where you know that you have to go to bed, so you wished the other person goodnight, yet there you are talking about fucking Ligeti 50 minutes later. Anyways, while I was supposed to working on a philosophy assignment, I told him that I USED to have a crush on him, but I was firm on the fact that I no longer did. I told him the “date” story as a funny anecdote. He had no clue that I ever liked him like that at any point. The conversation got a little awkward, but he told me that he really loves his boyfriend, but that he “does not forget”. He tells me that we would have been a perfect match. Funny.
A little while after, he invites me to one of his concerts at the museum. There, I meet his mother and grandparents. Also, his boyfriend. The concert was great, and the three of us chat for a while afterwards. Unfortunately, he has to leave, but he suggests that I tour the museum with his boyfriend, so his boyfriend and I tour the museum together. Interesting experience. Something important to know: I don’t have the best impression of his boyfriend. Their relationship is (was???) an open relationship and it felt like this guy really had to convince him to join his polyamory, based on what he told me in their conversations. Also, they were apparently on a break at one point earlier in the year because my friend’s mental/physical health was really bad, so to me it seems as though his boyfriend abandoned him in his time of need because the relationship “got hard”, so I already don’t have the best impression of him based on what my friend has told me. Anyways, I honestly thought that his bf was flirting with me??? (I guess he is allowed to because it’s an open relationship, but still…).
Fast forward the following month: we were supposed to see a concert together but something bad happened so he couldn’t attend. I end up buying him a CD which I had signed because this is a very famous pianist who just happened to visit our city. For like 3 months, we didn’t see each other, but I reminded him regularly that I had a specially-signed CD to give him. He has classes next to my apartment sometimes, but we can’t seem to get our schedules to fit…. until the end of February.
He has this class thing where you can invite people to watch you play and get critiqued, which he invited me to! After watching him play, I greet him outside the room and one of his colleagues. Let’s call her F. We all chat a little and I give him his disk. Literally such a mundane interaction.
BUT THEN THREE DAYS LATER, he texts me that he is very sorry, but that we have to cut contact. He has been dishonest toward himself and toward his boyfriend, because he has a crush on me. He doesn’t WANT to have a crush on me. And look, I get it. His relationship is important and he is putting the guy he loves first. You can’t control how you feel about people, but you CAN control what you do about it. So I get it. Wouldn’t I do the same? I told him to promise me that he wouldn’t forget about me completely. I screamed “what the actual fuck” multiple times because I didn’t know how to process this. This is definitely not an event I expected to have in 2024… The only links we have in common are now: we have each other’s phone numbers, we are Facebook friends, and I am friends with F on Facebook because she also happens to be in my programme at uni. But we have not spoken. Not a single word between us since February 24th. I respect his decision, so I will not speak to him.
This guy occupied my mind rent-free. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Frustrating because when he told me that he wasn’t interested back in August, that was enough to help me move on. And all of a sudden, my mind can’t let go of the fact that this guy has a crush on me. This guy, whom my type is kind of based on honestly. Middle of March rolls by, and I meet F (his colleague) again at an event hosted by our programme. We all got drunk, especially me 🤦🏻‍♂️. And of course, being drunk, you have a tendency to bring down your inhibitions. We’re on the bus and she asks me how I know the friend. I tell her it’s a long story, but that I can’t speak to him anymore. I say that “he’s soooo dramatic”. She asks me to explain further, but I tell her that I can’t.
The next day, I felt like an idiot!!! Wow. I almost told her what happened. I don’t need that spreading around his school. I saw a uni therapist at the beginning of April, which didn’t really help much. Every time I took the bus, I would check to see if he too was on the bus. Never was.
BUT THEN, I met someone new. We’ll call him T. T has been successful in getting my mind off of the friend. It’s quite recent, but we’re seeing each other and it’s moving along smoothly. Beginning of May, I barely think about the friend anymore. I have a new guy in my thoughts and I’m very happy about it. So T and I go to see a concert together. Guess who just had to be doing a pre-concert in the waiting hall. The violinist friend. T and I are walking up the stairs and all of a sudden the violinist and I made eye-contact and I basically just had a hot flash. I had not seen this guy since February… And I seriously had to make eye-contact with him while I’m on a date with T???
I feel like my progress is ruined. Ever since I saw him at the concert hall, he is on my mind again. I keep checking his Facebook. I can’t listen to my favourite music without thinking about him. But I refuse to give up the music that feeds my soul just because he likes the same stuff. I feel awful toward T, because I have another guy in my thoughts.
All I know is that this person is special. I have known this for years and he is not someone I could accept never having in my life again. He has never forsaken me. I have a deep desire to share my life with him and to be apart of his, and I am perfectly okay with it being platonic. I just don’t know how I’m supposed to live my life without it being a soap opera.

I was 13 years of age when I first saw Islam I saw a video of mufti menk with this young brother talking about Ramadan and how it’s a holy month and generous and when I saw the devotion they had in their religion I was subhanallah shocked but happy I kept learning about Islam on YouTube google tik tok ect about the Quran ect I was really considering being a Muslim then on the 14th of July 2023 near my 14th birthday I took my shahada online with a sister subhanallah that day was the best day in my life I went to buy the holy Quran that day to read it. Then I got an app called namaz app that really helped me learn my salah and now I do all 5 prayers throughout the coming months i was hiding my faith from my parents I was scared of how they would react but then that would all change when I decide to tell my mum.
She didn’t react well she was shouting at me and concerned I was talking to people online I told her I wasn’t and this is the true religion she then said that’s okay I still love you and you do you (I have patience in allah maybe someday she can be Muslim inshallah). Then I kept practicing my faith told people in my school I got more happier it school and life in general then Ramadan happened and subhanallah wallahi my faith was so good in Ramadan I miss it that is also the month my dad found out and he was fine with it alhamdulliah. Then we come to today I’m nearly 15 years old and I’m still Muslim because it is the truth. I sin we all do but as long as we repent that’s what matters. I’m nearly 15 and I’m still Muslim alhamdulliah I know Islam is the truth and I also think I know what I want to be when I’m older I’m thinking of being a student of knowledge in Islam them maybe a sheikh I know but dreams but I want to devout my life to Islam become a sheikh I’m not going to buy books on Islam to gain knowledge may allah forgive us for our sins make sure to read Quran listen to Quran and repent my brothers and sister Asalamu alaikum wa rahmatulliah wa barakatu. ( what do you think?)

I was 13 years of age when I first saw Islam I saw a video of mufti menk with this young brother talking about Ramadan and how it’s a holy month and generous and when I saw the devotion they had in their religion I was subhanallah shocked but happy I kept learning about Islam on YouTube google tik tok ect about the Quran ect I was really considering being a Muslim then on the 14th of July 2023 near my 14th birthday I took my shahada online with a sister subhanallah that day was the best day in my life I went to buy the holy Quran that day to read it. Then I got an app called namaz app that really helped me learn my salah and now I do all 5 prayers throughout the coming months i was hiding my faith from my parents I was scared of how they would react but then that would all change when I decide to tell my mum.
She didn’t react well she was shouting at me and concerned I was talking to people online I told her I wasn’t and this is the true religion she then said that’s okay I still love you and you do you (I have patience in allah maybe someday she can be Muslim inshallah). Then I kept practicing my faith told people in my school I got more happier it school and life in general then Ramadan happened and subhanallah wallahi my faith was so good in Ramadan I miss it that is also the month my dad found out and he was fine with it alhamdulliah. Then we come to today I’m nearly 15 years old and I’m still Muslim because it is the truth. I sin we all do but as long as we repent that’s what matters. I’m nearly 15 and I’m still Muslim alhamdulliah I know Islam is the truth and I also think I know what I want to be when I’m older I’m thinking of being a student of knowledge in Islam them maybe a sheikh I know but dreams but I want to devout my life to Islam become a sheikh I’m not going to buy books on Islam to gain knowledge may allah forgive us for our sins make sure to read Quran listen to Quran and repent my brothers and sister Asalamu alaikum wa rahmatulliah wa barakatu. ( what do you think?)

I was 13 years of age when I first saw Islam I saw a video of mufti menk with this young brother talking about Ramadan and how it’s a holy month and generous and when I saw the devotion they had in their religion I was subhanallah shocked but happy I kept learning about Islam on YouTube google tik tok ect about the Quran ect I was really considering being a Muslim then on the 14th of July 2023 near my 14th birthday I took my shahada online with a sister subhanallah that day was the best day in my life I went to buy the holy Quran that day to read it. Then I got an app called namaz app that really helped me learn my salah and now I do all 5 prayers throughout the coming months i was hiding my faith from my parents I was scared of how they would react but then that would all change when I decide to tell my mum.
She didn’t react well she was shouting at me and concerned I was talking to people online I told her I wasn’t and this is the true religion she then said that’s okay I still love you and you do you (I have patience in allah maybe someday she can be Muslim inshallah). Then I kept practicing my faith told people in my school I got more happier it school and life in general then Ramadan happened and subhanallah wallahi my faith was so good in Ramadan I miss it that is also the month my dad found out and he was fine with it alhamdulliah. Then we come to today I’m nearly 15 years old and I’m still Muslim because it is the truth. I sin we all do but as long as we repent that’s what matters. I’m nearly 15 and I’m still Muslim alhamdulliah I know Islam is the truth and I also think I know what I want to be when I’m older I’m thinking of being a student of knowledge in Islam them maybe a sheikh I know but dreams but I want to devout my life to Islam become a sheikh I’m not going to buy books on Islam to gain knowledge may allah forgive us for our sins make sure to read Quran listen to Quran and repent my brothers and sister Asalamu alaikum wa rahmatulliah wa barakatu. ( what do you think?)

I (25F) am in a difficult relationship situation I've been put in due to my boyfriend (M26). In 2021 or 2022, I cannot remember exactly, my boyfriend told me his brother asked him to take out a credit in his name, so his brother's wife doesn't find out. I cannot remember what it was for, but as my boyfriend filled out the papers, he put my name and number as the second point of contact. Sometime later, possibly months, I got calls that he has not made payments for that credit. I confronted him about it and he mentioned he will get it sorted out. After some time I asked once again, and he said it's all done and paid off. I believed him. Months after I continued to get the same calls from the credit company, asking him if it's really done and over, and he again repeated he will get it fixed.
I've been getting these calls from the credit company periodically in the last 1-2 years. The tipping point was about 2 weeks ago when I got another call. I was informed by the teller that my boyfriend is behind on payments and unless he makes those payments, they were going to terminate his contract.
Now, I have to admit I am not very well versed when it comes to credit. We don't live in the US and credit is not as big of a deal. I've personally had only one credit in my life and it was a year long contract for a device. I made my payments, was never late, and it's been over half a year since I've paid it off. This is my only expeirence with credit.
I did some reading that when it comes to credit, when the contract is terminated, it automatically goes to loan sharks, the idea of which is frightening me to my core. Not to mention being sued and paying the court fees. Frankly, neither I nor him have that kind of money to spare.
Yet again I confronted my boyfriend, and told him I would not stand up for this. After all MY name and MY phone number is on there as well. The same day I got the call, he told me he went to one of the credit company's offices and sorted things out. By his account, it is their mistake, they've not put it in their system that everything is paid off (according to him it finally was done and over), and that he specifically made sure they remove my name and number.
Since I am here writing this, what he said is not the whole truth. For the past week I've been getting calls I was unable to answer due to work, but today I did and surprise, surprise, the contract has been terminated. I explained the situation to the teller, but yet again I was dissmissed.
In past calls I've tried asking how much the owed ammount was, how much were the payments. I was told it's none of my business. And every time I try and ask my boyfriend, he gets annoyned, raises his voice at me, and I just drop it when it gets ugly.
When this happened today I texted him that either he tells me the whole truth, or I am out. I love him very much, but the mental toll this takes upon me is too much. I am ready to go through with leaving, knowing how much this would hurt, but I would much rather leave, than stay with a person who cannot just say the truth. I am certain about my choice, due to the fact he has lied about small insignificant things in the past, the same way a child would lie to their mother about a mess they've made - the child knows it would get in trouble at some point, but prefers to lie so they're safe in that moment.
Any and all advice on how to proceed with the conversation tonight would be appreciated. Anything to guide me to what would be logically best to do.
Thank you in advance!

I recently matched with a guy (30) on Bumble and I'd say we immediately hit it off. He asked me for a coffee walk the day after we matched. The coffee walk turned into a 4 hours date with lot of laughter and plenty to talk about.
Already during the first meet up he asked me for a second date and after the date he immediately messaged me, that he had a lot of fun and can't wait to see me again.
Unfortunately he went on a 10 days trip 2 days after the first meet up, but we kept in touch. We messaged each other once a day but always long paragraphs. He once didn't get back to me for almost 3 days after he initially asked me to meet up the day after his return. So I told him, that I would be free that day but that he doesn't seem very interested (without saying why I feel like that). He message back that he's sorry for giving this impression while he's not regularly responding during his trip, but he's interested and would love to see me again. That was fine to me then.
Two days ago we had our second date, we went for darts in a Pub. We had an amazing evening of about 6 hours until 1.30 am. We also kissed, kissed about an hour on a bench in a park in the end. But then he said he'd love to spend the night with me and to me this is at least an orange flag on a second date. I told him that I find it a little odd that he's asking me this but he said, its just because he had such a wonderful evening and he can't even stop kissing me (of course he couldn't, we were horny haha). U told him that I don't go with him tonight.
Again he asked me out for the next date during this date.
From my past experienced, when a man likes a woman and had a great date, he would message her in the morning. But he didn't. But to be fair, the night before he messaged me, that he had a great evening and good night and I only said good night to him too. But I was still confused that he asked me to go with him, that's why I didn't react to it.
I decided to ask him around noon how he feels (because we did drink a little and a felt a little hungover at work). He was online from time to time but left my message unread until the evening. To me a bad sign if you're seriously interested. When he then replied I told him, that my hangover was very much worth it. He said his hungover too. I then asked what he's up to and she he's flying to London the next day (today).
Until now these messages are unread.
I don't really get it. Or maybe I get it.
I think someone who's interested (seriously) would open the message at least when he's in bed. Why would I leave someone's messages unread if I'm interested in this person romantically? I get that you don't always respond during the day. Everyone is busy and has a life. But when I#M on WhatsApp anyways and when I'm interested, then I would reply more that soon, not? Or am I just odd (I was in a relationship for 8 years and new to dating again). I will ask him next week when we meet up, but until now I'd like to hear some thoughts from your side.

Ever since before my boyfriend had proposed to me, I’ve always told everyone that I don’t want a wedding. It just seemed like an expensive hassle when my only goal was to marry the love of my life. Since then my fiance has shared that it’s his dream to have a big wedding so I learned to love the idea and plan it with him. But less than one month into being engaged, his mom starts asking me about my bridal shower. It caught me off guard as I’m trying to plan a wedding for 280 people, why would I even think about a bridal shower? My mom is mentally and physically disabled and my maid of honor is out of state so I figured I would just skip the whole thing since I had no one to plan it. Then one day I meet my fiance at his mom’s house after he’s had a few beers and he goes “just ask her mom, she won’t care!” So she asks me if she can plan my bridal shower for me. She goes onto say how she knows that no one can do it for me and that I deserve one so she’d love to do it. I told her yes and i genuinely appreciated the offer.
Now this is where it gets weird. The first issue is the prizes. I tell her that there’s this great store nearby that sells gift baskets for cheap and she goes “oh that store stresses me out” so I tell her that it’s no big deal, I go there all the time anyway and I buy a bunch of prizes. She buys a single pickle ball set. I ask her if she wants me to drop the prizes off at her house and she tells me to just leave them at mine until she’s ready for them. And again, I tell her that fine.
Then she chooses the hall and caterer. She asks if I don’t mind, she really wants it close to her mom (my fiancés grandma). It’s a little bit further of a drive for my family, but I agree. It annoyed me a little bit that she thought my finances grandma came before mine for my shower though. Then she asks if her mom can cater because she’d really love it and again I say that’s totally ok if she wants to do it, it’s just going to be a lot of women to cook for
Next my fiance calls me and tells me that he has to run to the store because chicken is on sale and his mom asked him to buy it for the shower. He pays for it all and puts it in our deep freezer.
A little bit later, she’s trying to get in touch with my bridesmaids to make sure the date of the shower works out for everyone. Then they start talking about planning the shower and one of my bridesmaids suggests a cocktail for the shower. My MIL then informs her that the hall she booked doesn’t allow alcohol so it’s a DRY shower. She never talked to me about this at all so I started to get super irritated. At this point we have paid for everything except a single pickleball set and the low fee of renting the hall. Yet I’m sacrificing mimosas at my shower so she can look good for her mom.
She hasn’t come up to me with any ideas for this shower other than the games. If I try to send an idea to her, she just asks me to get a quote. I was even gifted a box of wedding decor and it had a tiered cupcake holder so I sent her a picture and said we can use this and she goes “oh you want cupcakes?” I tell her I love German chocolate and we need a dessert anyway but she can’t figure out how to plan this out so she goes “How many cupcakes does it hold? How many cupcakes do you think we’ll need?” And then sends me a picture of a cupcake that fits with the theme she chose and it isn’t even German chocolate. Again, I am in the middle of planning a wedding I did not want for almost 300 people. It really irked me that she asked to plan this thing but can’t even figure out how to bring cupcakes to a party without me doing it.
Now the shower is three months away and the only thing done is my FULL garage because she still hasn’t taken any of the decor or prizes and it’s already full with decor for my wedding. Gift baskets aren’t made, invites aren’t sent out, a menu hasn’t been discussed, and the only idea discussed on her end is the games and the theme.
I don’t want to be ungrateful and I’m sure other girls would love to plan their bridal shower. But all of this is stuff that I simply don’t want. Yet, we have paid and planned almost all of it. I am DREADING this shower. It feels like it’s more about my MIL being able to tell everyone she planned it instead of actually doing it and none of it is even what I like.
The wedding is killing me. I literally quit my job because it’s becoming so much (we had talked about me quitting after we were married and my fiance can support me financially until I find something else ) you better believe my MIL took me quitting and ran with it. Because last I heard, she was telling my fiance that “it’ll never work out” and implied that I’m a gold digger. And telling the whole family about me.
I’m such a mess about it all and I feel like I’m going crazy. There’s so much more, and I can answer any questions in the comments. Does anyone have any ideas or thoughts?

I really love the odd topics that come up on this podcast because it really makes me question just the weirdest things. I really see Bob's point on the Chapstick thing, I do, but I think we really need to get down to the properties of a "container" and what makes an item an item.
Now, Bob's big issue with the Chapstick question is that he was told Chapstick is not a container, but he thinks a container is an integral part of the item of chapstick and therefore the question should have been answered "It is in a container" (ignoring the fact that typically in 20 Questions, you're usually just given straight Yes or No answers like say..if something is made of Metal or not, but they ignore this half the time in the episodes anyway)
I think the main issue is with Bob's definition of a container, because I think his Coke example doesn't work at all. If I was playing 20 questions and the answer was Coke, and I ask "Is it a container?" I would not expect a yes, because I think how integral a container is to an object really depends on the object. When Coke leaves it's bottle or a glass, is it no longer Coke? and Chapstick (which I know is a brand but it's become like the Band-Aid of Lip Balms) doesn't just come in 1 kind of container, there are roll on sticks yeah but there's kinds that come in a tub you can scoop out and put on your lips. How needed is a container when the purpose of most contained products is to remove them from said container?
and really, is Bob's Aphantasia to blame? When I picture something like Chapstick, I'm imagining it uncapped rolled out to show the Chapstick itself, the tube is basically not even there. When I picture Coke, I can just picture the liquid by itself without a glass or anything. Could that be a factor in why Bob thinks the question was so unfair?
(If you can't tell, I'm intentionally taking this far more serious than need be)

 I'm (24F) having a hard time moving forward in life. I need ... opinions? Input? I'm not really sure what I need anymore. I was born to a 18 year old, her second daughtechild of 3 (her first conceived when she ran away at 15). My father is and has been a crack head, never really knew him (prison rat). My mother went on to meet her current husband, my little sisters father. 

Sooo what do I need help with? Everything. We grew up in the ghetto, shoot up next door type. Only white kids at school area. My step father dealt coke, which of course comes with it's usage. He alone has rocked our "family" nevermind my mother. He molested my sister, I have memories of naked pictures taken of me and my older sister while having a hard time staying awake(by them both), almost killed my mother by hanging in the basement among so much more. My mother knew, to this day she'll say it's lies but she knows. In kindergarten our house got raided, step dad went to prison then we were stuck with her.

Neglected is an understatement. Not fed (I remember digging for food in the trash and regurgitating because I was hungry) because I was fat enough, physical abuse (pushed down stairs, choked out, and whipped with belts as hard as possible), and extreme bullying. I was told in elementary school that nobody would love me because I had dirty fat rolls, threatened to have my hair cut off, among so many other things. By 7 we were helping smuggle drugs to CO's, drinking, and being directed to steal. If I'm honest this is barely the surface, it only stopped when we were taken due to me and my sisters suicide attempts. So I suppose I'm hoping someone that has come from similar experiences/background can tell me if it gets better. How you got better? Is there an actual chance at living a normal life? I do what I need to, take care of my son, and live the most honest life I can. However these intrusive thoughts will not go away, I try so hard to live in the moment to not dwell on the past but I feel as though my own brain is sabotaging me. 

I choose this platform to say sorry to a person I hurt 15 years ago. I know we have our own lives today but I would like to take the courage to say sorry. For me to also move on and validate the feelings I had this moment. I'm not a good writer but I want to share my story. Do you guys experienced having no memory of a certain situation in your life? It's like you remember the person but not fully apprehend what "really" happened to both of you? Seems like there is a missing puzzle in the big picture? It happened to me and realized everything after all the embarrasing things I did. I was like acting the victim before and not knowing I am to blame after all. Year 2023 when I came back in my country, I'm working overseas by the way. As I went home, I declutter my personal things and there I saw some letters wayback 15years ago. Letters during our retreat activity college days. I read all their sweet messages and I stumbled to read a letter written by my crush. After reading his short and sweet letter I'm sobbing. Tears rolling down my cheeks and asking myself, what was my reaction when I read his letter before? Like what did I do?!! Did I read this? I'm thinking so hard searching for answers in my head about his letter but got no answer. It was so vague to me that I cannot find the answer I'm looking for in my mind and in my memory. All memories and emotions were bleak during that specific time. Throughout the day, all I'm thinking about was his letter. Thoughts like, yeah, I do have a crush on him during college days and it is too impossible that I disregarded that letter. I'm thinking crazy things already about his letter yet I cannot remember what really happened. I contacted my close friend who's been with me since college. She's like my sister from another mother who knows everything since college days. I started the convo sending her the letter he wrote for me and instantly she recognize who wrote it. She even ask me what did I do when I read the letter before or did I even bother to read the letter? I told her I cannot remember what I did before but one thing that's clear to me was our friendship seemed to drift away even before the graduation day. That's why I was'nt able to contact him after graduation day till up to present. Thinking, I was just the girl who just learned that the guy I like before, liked me back after reading the letter, my friend give me a silly suggestion of giving him a PM. Yes, we are classmates, friends during those days. He was on my list of friends in my socmedia yet after all this years, I never sent him a PM. I just wanted to say hi but I'm too embarassed to do it. Overthinking stuff and crazy ideas crossing in my mind. Then all of a sudden I saw in my screen 11:11am, immediately type hi and hit send button. Feeling embarassed that I pm-ed him first at the same time doubting if he still knows me, I'm too anxious in wanting to have or not to have a reply from him that time. Morning the next day upon checking my phone I got a reply from him, 👍 at 5:55am. Being weirdo again all I did was to talk to myself early that morning to give him a reply or not. I'm thorn of doing so or what. Then I just decided to give him a message of asking how is he, introducing myself, hope he's doing okay, message him because of blah, blah then wishin him luck and good day. Ugh, still embarassed. I thought it will be the end of our convo but he replied back saying he's doing okay. He remember me saying I'm his classmate and I'm happy that he's doing good now in his new career. He also ask how I'm doing and what do I do these days. We exchange 4-5 convo until he stop responding. I'm like yeah, that's it. I'm sure he's busy and I understand his profession demands time but I also want myself not to expect anything in REALITY. I'm being too emotional as of the moment that all I got to think was him and his letter creating imaginary things between us. I'm a rational person so as I pacify myself and calm down the thoughts in my mind, I decided to write everything in my journal. As I write down my thoughts, the question of how's and why's, slowly I remember everything that happened 15 years ago. I clearly remember the thoughts I had, the decisions I made and how I ghosted him. Circa 2009. 4th year college. I have a guy friend who's my classmate during 3rd year since we were block section. He's also my block groupmate. Maybe we became close because we were together most of the times. He's tall, lanky, sweet, caring, funny and brainy. He's the type of guy who only bring a notebook in the room, I never saw him with a bag in normal schedule of classes but hey he always pass. And as a cheapskate college girl, I used to take down notes and do everything as I can to not spend extra penny. I become aware of him being sweet to me by borrowing my notes saying she can understand my handwriting, sitting beside me on classes where sitting position is not required, going to library doing group activities, walking side by side in school aisle and seeing him giving me a sweet smile. Getting him caught staring at me then he will just smile mirorring his eyes. It seems like normal things right? But I can sense there is something behind those small gestures. I also shared this to my friend that I can sense there is something about him but he never confirm anything at all. He was never even bothered when he knew one of my girl friends told him she had a crush on him. I got a little jealous during that time, I even got jealous on her friends that were beauties during college days. He was a friendly guy but knows how to be a gentleman. Since, no admission of feelings in his part we continued to be good friends, him still giving the same care and treatment to me. I can't remember if it was 2nd trimester when we had our retreat activity. It was months also before our graduation day and then after that will have our in-house review for upcoming board examination. Everyone is excited to attend the retreat because we can give a rest on our tired minds. We rented a good place with a perfect weather during that time. During our last day, the last task given to us is write a letter to each person in your group. He was my groupmate during the retreat. We can read the letter after the activity or if we have time to spare. I decided to read mine when I got home. Me and him are still good during that time. When I arrived home, I started reading their letter, I read his letter last. His letter goes like this,
A_____, " I have met you on a cloudy Monday and now you never knew how much I loved the rain." Your a gentle child and very sincere. You are very concern to all the people around you and thats what make you different from others. You can carry things up and I know you can make it. Goodluck and Godbless. I am just on yourside waiting for you to tap me and call my name.
I'm shocked yet relieved knowing that what he's doing towards me is confirmed in his letter. It might be a indirect confirmation but I think it still says so. I'm happy to know he's not just a friend caring for me but someone special who took care of me all this time. But as my happiness took over me, that feeling of anxiousness and cowardice envelops my entire body. Confessing his feelings, then now, what? What will happen in our friendship? How do I face him, as I am shy girl before? If I tell him I like him too, what will happen to us? Graduation day is in the corner, inhouse review is giving us pressure, licensure examination will happen in next few months and I need to focus, to study to pass the exam. Those were my concerns at that time. So, I made up my mind. Without giving him any answer, without telling him what I have in my mind, without him knowing what I really wanted to say despite the concerns I had in mind. I let him go without telling him what I feel towards him that time. Following days at school, I started avoiding him. I dare not to look at him directly in his eyes. I never got to talk to him about his letter. And as days passes by giving him same treatment and distance, I saw him once looking at me, his eyes saying like giving up. From then on, our friendship drifted off. I never got to talk to him in our graduation day, even in succeding events after our licensure exam. I did pass my licensure, he also did. I'm not expecting he will talk to me or greet me if ever we crossed our path again. He was my first love. But I never give him the chance. There might be a future for our relationship but I never gave him a chance. To my lovecrush, I am sorry for ghosting you, for not giving you a chance, and for leaving you hanging-up. I know I'm a big coward, selfish, self centered and faint hearted person when it comes to you. Confessing and telling you what my heart wants before will NOT/NEVER change anything now. But I wanted to say this for me to let go of the feelings that I still have for you. Lovecrush, I like you too. I care for you too. I did become a scaredy cat before telling you my true feelings are but know that after all those days knowing you like me too, I always think of you. The heartbeak I give to myself and to you, left me no choice but to suppress the pain and convince myself to forget the painful choice I made. Thank you for letting me feel how special I am in my own way. Thank you for being my green flag.❤️ Thank you for being warm, caring, thoughtful and loving friend.🥰 Now, I will never ever forget the memories we shared before even if it brings joy and pain. It is now my treasure. Thank you so much lovecrush. You will always be my first love and first heartache.🙂 I know you can make it in life. You're such a kind hearted soul. Wishin you all the best in life! Takecare as always. Godbless!🙏❤️

My bf had been very cold and stand offish for a month. He didn’t want to spend anytime with me. He started giving his girl cowork rides home for 2 weeks because her car was at the mechanic.He broke up with me May 29, he we were good and he loved me. A couple days later we went out to breakfast. Mostly because we live together. On our way home from the restaurant he told me he had feelings for his coworker. He asked me to get back with him, I told him I needed some time to think. 2 weeks go by and I told him I dont want to be back together. He throws a tantrum starts yelling kicking rocks right next to my brand new car I bought the day after u bought it. Making a scene that my neighbors probably heard. After I moved my car from behind him in the driveway, while I was parking on the curb he zoomed away and left for about 3 hours. We had been broken up since the morning. At 2am when I was leaving my moms I told him I want him back. Now that we’ve been together for 2 days I’m more hurt and holding a grudge. He bought a wedding ring a couple days ago. He wants to propose to me asap. I’m so confused.i know I shouldn’t be with him and I deserve better. Should I break up with him? What would you do?

Men aren't the only ones who do it obviously but they do it so much more often and it always feels gross if I don't know them like they're trying to establish close fondness they desire to have. But the thing that keeps getting me is that I've gone most of my life never being called [specific pet name] by people I knew or strangers or at least not noticing it if they did. Then I'm 25 in a hospital ICU and my dying mother's last words to me were "I love you, [specific pet name]" because I told her when she was still out from the anesthesia that I just wanted to hear her say she loved me one last time and it took nearly 15 hours but she did.
It's been five years but these dumbass men keep hitting me up trying to get with me using the words of my dying mother and every single time I am taken back to that room where I became a desperate child again losing something I cannot replace and I want to scream loud enough the whole world can hear to just stop already! Stop trying to act like we're familiar enough to use pet names, just say fucking hello and shoot your shot like a regular brand stranger who still has little to no shot but isn't pissing me off by dragging me back to relive the horrors of that place. I'm not your baby, your honey, your anything at fucking all except a dream you'll never have while you're awake because you did not respect me enough to come correct. God I'm tired. And I age like a single malt scotch so I know this won't stop as I age. My grandma had random men trying to play strip poker with her in her 60's and still gets men trying to hit her up to fuck now that she's in her 70's. And all it does is make me wonder am I going to have decades of trying to live my life just to deal with fools repeatedly ripping me from the present to have me flashback to some of the worst moments of my life because they want to fuck and have no sense of decent boundaries? Because they're too foolish to simply say hello and introduce themselves?
I cannot scream loud enough for the world to hear so I'll just scream into this void and pray that by some magic it will cease

Hi! I'm 22f. It's been 2 years na rin since I last worked as an online ESL tutor so I was around 20 at the time. I just wanna share lang my exp of 3mos. (Yes I only worked for 3mos. i'll explain later) to those planning to work as an online ESL tutor in the PH.
To start, I worked w/ RJ (i'm sure yall know the company by these initials). My reason was ofc financial aid bc at the time I wanted to buy things w/ my own money ++ bakasyon din from uni.
As an introverted girliepop, it was such a huge leap to take. It changed me a lot so to speak. I was talking not only to random strangers, but also to foreign people. My students are mostly japanese and some other foreigners like chinese and koreans who are based in Japan. I would say that the students I taught range from being introverted ppl like me to overly extroverted ones. In the program offered by RJ to its students at that time, they can opt to choose a lesson or simply an "free conversation" with their tutor. Tbh I prefer the lesson one bc at least we have a more systematic set-up. Thinking of new topics or those that might interest my student was reaaaaaaaaally exhausting as an introvert. Not to add na my timeslots are kinda limited at the time pa. I can only open bookings that are either from 5am-9am (i think) and (5pm-12mn). Ofc u have to reach a specific quota by the end of the month so u have to really open ur slots early in the morning and may times din na sinasagad ko talaga til 12mn. Only then RJ will open the midday slots for u. It was hella tiring pero I told myself na dahil ginusto ko to, pangangatawan ko hahaha. I reached naman my quota a month after being hired so I was able to book students during middays pero it switched back to the previous one kasi raw i should've still opened bookings during the said timeframes. Soooo i was like wtf.
I guess the most challenging part in this job is ur students talaga. I had those that rebooked me numerous times whose company I actually enjoyed. Even though most of them chose the conversation type, it was easy to converse coz they were friendly and chatty too. Para talaga silang yung mga friendly characters sa anime lol. However, I also encountered (sorry for the term) weird creeps. Honestly, dito mo marerealize na kahit papano thankful kang filo ka lol. Coz im sure kahit gano pa tayo "kalala", I'm proud to say na we're "more sane"lol.
I remembered na I had this one student who wasn't entirely fluent in English so he spoke in phrases lang and he chose free coversation pa. The topic he wanted to talk abt was his gn collection (yeah ik). Well I'm mostly open for any topics talaga but what threw me off is he actually sHOWED some of them to me ON CAM during the video call jusko. He even showed me how to load them up like what?? Mind you, he was a teenager and looked around 13-15 at the time. He boasted na he stole his dad's gns from time to time and played w/ them w/ his friends jusko kang bata ka. He was simply talking abt them lang naman so i dont think na the company would pay much attention to it if I told them kaya hinayaan ko na lang.
There's also one who just stared at the screen. It was a video call so need namin as tutors na laging on cam. He's already old-ish mga 50-60s and this was our 2nd time meeting na. The first time was okay. He opted for conversation during that time and this one. But ik for sure na he's drunk kasi garalgal sya magsalita and it was hella awkward for me. I asked him what topic he would like to talk about and he said whatever i want😭 as an introvert that's enough to turn my brain into a battlefield talaga. What's worse is that he only responded w/ one-liner answers. The worst ever was when I recommended him a movie. Boy i could never forget that moment talaga. The topic was movie bc he said he went to the cinema that day to watch an action movie so ako ito si recommend, I told him abt the movie "expendables". I sh*t u not he got mad at me and cursed me in japanese and proceeded to ramble in japanese afterwards. He assumed na I mocked him bc I used a word he doesn't know like bro what????? As in I was so stunned at that time talaga na I was just 👁️👄👁️. He talked to me in jp so I would know raw how it feels to be spoken to in another language. Sorry sya kasi fluent ako in jp. Nanginginig na talaga ko that time mga dzai so sabi ko na lang in jp na "i understood everything u said, don't worry." Thank God the 25min. time was over na so I immediately ended the call after that. He was my last student for the day so after that class I just stared at my screen for 5 min. before making the report. These are only two of the weird exp I had w/ some jp students. I have so many more stories pero ofc magiging novela na tong post if I did so.
If u think the exp was problematic. Wait til I tell u abt the response of the company. They didn't actually do anything besides disabling the student from booking me. The response was really passive and common for companies na gumagamit lang ng filo employees bc it's cheaper to hire us and they take advantage of our "desperation" and "determination" to actually make money. While the weeks pass by I realized na this isn't worth my mental health so I stopped na.
Now, I'm a graduating student in college so that's where my focus lies muna. Do I regret being an ESL tutor?? No. I actually love helping and teaching others. Do I regret the company where I worked? YES. I realized na not only the tutors were underpaid, but they're mostly overworked with no health benefits. Kaya if you're an online ESL tutor lalo na sa company na yon, I salute u. Tho I hope u wont forget to take care of urself too:(