How to reply to a phone interview invitation

I'm (F29) with (F25) gf. We have been together for years now and we've been through one of the craziest things together and we made it out fine but there's the texting problem. We are not out to family which means we won't be living together anytime soon. She just started a new job and our schedules are crazy so some days we might not be able to call each other and the only option is to text. I've been complaining about her texting for years now and she always comes up with excuses. For days we can't talk on the phone I tell to text just to check in which she won't do and when I do text she doesn't reply until I call her attention to it and this might be 5-10hrs later which by then I'm furious. Recently we didn't talk for a couple days and I left a message which I never got reply she called but I couldn't pick up because I was at work and I texted her to get some conversation going but nothing so I called her out on it and her reply was " I think I make you more sad than happy" and this pissed me off. I don’t how to address this situation with her. It’s like talking to a wall.

I recently got hired at this job and i've been working there for a week and im supposed to get paid $400 but i never set up any type of direct deposit or anything, but two days ago they sent me home because my background check is taking longer than usual, and i know there's nothing on my background check and it should be cleared, but just in case my background check doesn't clear in time for my employer to call me back, should i still get paid for that week i worked and if so what should i do? (btw background check still didn't clear) UPDATE (3-4 weeks later): I still haven't been paid, I asked on monday am i going to get paid and then he asked "Is it your 2nd friday or 3rd friday" then i said 3rd not counting the week I was out due to background check. I then got sick on thursday and he said "Feel better. Make sure your sharing that with me after you see the doctor" I didn't reply then later on he replies to my message saying this "Whenever we aren't feeling our best, we need to ask ourselves if we are hurt or injured. If you were in my position and running the office, what would you do?" I answered by saying depending on how sick I am. So i text him this morning because im still sick and I asked about my pay check then he says "Let's get on the phone in the afternoon to revisit the discussion" but i dont see anything to talk about Ive worked over 160 hours and not a single pay check. What should I do now? (I posted this again because I dont know how reddit works when it comes to editing, I am a real person)

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I don’t know where to start, this will be a long post. If you read through, thank you!
I first stopped speaking to my mother in 2019, I would now describe her as a covert narcissist but at the time I was just fed up with feeling like I was parenting an emotionally volatile teenager every time I spoke to her, every conversation ended in an argument and I was always to blame, always “breaking her heart”. I was an emotional (and on a few occasions as a teen, physical) punching bag and I just couldn’t take it anymore. For a few months her texts would switch between loving, heartbroken and scorned, getting meaner and meaner the longer I left them without a reply. She then started texting my boyfriend (now husband) to tell him how the no-contact was tearing her apart and giving him messages to pass on to me.
Fast forward, I fell pregnant at the end of 2021 and felt that she needed to hear the news from me. Less out of any actual desire to speak to her and more because I didn’t know what she would do if I let her hear it through the grapevine. I had read a couple of books about narcissistic parents by this point and set very clear boundaries for her. I would send her pregnancy updates and ultrasounds but I didn’t want unsolicited advice or constant phone calls and I was absolutely not prepared to hash out our “differences”. This was fine for a couple of months until is wasn’t and she stopped respecting my boundaries, called me non-stop until I answered and told me I was selfish if I didn’t want to talk. I pushed back and she told me to “have a nice life” and blocked me.
Our daughter was born 4 months later and at 4 days post-partum I got a text from her saying “I’m flying to name of my town on Friday, I don’t care if you don’t want to see me. You will show me my granddaughter through the window if you’re still not speaking to me”, I called her in hormonal hysterics while she was with friends and she answered the phone with this unnatural, sickly sweet voice and said “darling, you sound so upset what’s wrong? Do you have support at home?” It was like talking to a stranger, the thought of that phone call still sends a chill down my spine. My dad (they have been divorced for many years) eventually talked her out of the visit and she blocked me again.
This pattern has repeated itself multiple times over the past 2 years since my daughter was born, I set a boundary and she disregards it. I am selfish and she is heartbroken, she blocks me and I don’t hear anything for a couple of months. Then she begs me to unblock her so I can send pictures of her granddaughter. For clarity’s sake, I have never blocked her.
That brings us more or less to today. My family (husband, daughter, dog and I) will be moving overseas for work in about 2 months, this happened suddenly as is the nature of my husband’s job. We found out yesterday and my dad was the first person I told (we have a great relationship), he told his mom (my grandmother) and she told my mother. This morning I received multiple calls followed by a text from her telling me she’d like to have a “little chat”, reluctantly I worked up the courage to call her and she asked me straight away if we were moving overseas, I said yes. She told me “I will be coming to stay before you go” I told her that wouldn’t work, I have a lot on my plate preparing for the move and I would be lying if I said that a visit for her wouldn’t add more stress, she started to yell immediately asking “are you really so selfish that you can’t make time for your own mother?” I asked her to calm down and she said “now you’ve fucking done it, that’s it we’re done” and hung up, the whole call was less than two minutes and I hardly got a word in.
I couldn’t help it, I sat and cried for a while. As much distance as I have tried to put between us, hearing my mother speak to me that way still triggers this feeling inside of me and I revert back to this little child hiding in the corner of my room from my mom’s big feelings. I called her back and asked if we could talk calmly, my exact words were “I think your emotions are controlling you right now and I don’t want to leave things like that” unfortunately, she did not stay calm. She told me her heart was broken for me because one day my daughter would cut me off too and I’ll have regrets about the way I’ve treated my own mother, she said I am a my father’s surname through and through, that I’ve always been a selfish bitch who never thinks about anyone else’s feelings, she then told me to have a nice life (again) and that she never wants to speak to me again. She hung up after that.
I guess I just don’t know where to go from here. I feel sick and anxious and I’m not completely convinced that she won’t just turn up to my house anyway. The words “no-contact” sound so clear cut and linear but I feel like my journey has been anything but. Sometimes I think she’s right and I really am selfish for wanting distance, but accomodating her feelings constantly and mentally preparing for her next emotional tirade every few months is also affecting my ability to be present and healthy in my relationships with my own family.
I should mention that she has made no effort to take accountability for our relationship breakdown in the past 5 years. She will ask if I’m “over it yet” or resort to a disingenuous “fine, I was a terrible mother and I never did anything right” type of apology, she also laughed at me when I asked her to seek therapy if she wants any kind of real relationship in the future.
If you’ve read this far and you’re comfortable sharing, please tell me how you cope with the turbulence of no-contact or with emotionally immature parents in general. I would be so grateful to just know that I’m not alone in this.

Just as the title says. I want to start out by saying I do live with my mom along with one of my brothers (19). My mom and I split the bills evenly and I work full time. My mom got divorced back in 2013 to my step dad, before then my mom and I never had a healthy relationship, she always chose her husband and their sons( half brothers) over me. I was in and out of the house living with either friends or grandparents. After the divorce we reconnected and have been getting along since then. Fast forward to now, last night after I got off work she told me she was going out with her boyfriend. I was like okay cool have fun then she told me he was going back to Mexico( where he’s from) & when he gets back she’s going to get married and move her boyfriend and his son in. I was shocked but didn’t say anything after. I want to add that since they’ve been dating my brothers and I never met him not once. We know his name and that’s it. He’s been invited to many dinners and family functions and will ghost my mom or say he’s scared of my brothers “beating him up.” They also NEVER spend time together, maybe like once every five months and they live in the same town. I told her that was weird and she replies “that’s an adult relationship.” I disagree. I know that yes, I can move out, which will take a bit of time for me to gather money to do so but I will do it. I also know one of my brothers (19) that lives with me and my mom will want to leave as well and I’m more than happy for him to live with me & before I get any hate in living with my mom in my 30s, I want to add we’re Mexican and living with parents until marriage is the norm, along with other reasons I chose to stay. The other two brothers (26) & (28) live on their own. I spoke with them and they also said it was very odd but that I can’t do anything about it. I want my mom to be happy but I just find this very odd and I have bad feelings about this.. even if I was on my own I’d still have these feelings. Despite her being independent when she’s with a man she always follows the man’s lead even at the cost of her children, atleast that’s how it was for me growing up. He has three more children he wants to bring and move in with my mom. We don’t have enough room for them, we live in a three bedroom two bath single wide. Years ago she mentioned this when we lived in another house and wanted to move him and all his children in and my brother was still in highschool so she didn’t do that but know that’s their goal. I just want to know if I’m over reacting? I want her to be happy but there’s so many red flags, atleast to me. How do I bring this up to her without sounding like I’m being selfish?

When I was a kid, my neighbor would often mention that I have pretty hands. That leads me to look at my own hands and try to comprehend the compliment. It was perplexing. I could stare it for some time and yet, not a silver thought would spring that says "It's pretty". At some point, I understood and can "feel" what my neighbor said. I can say, "Yeah, they are pretty nice hands". There was a gap between the child me and grown-up me.
As I grow up, I keep noticing this pattern. If something's not ideal, something's missing. A distance from the ideal condition. Some gaps used to bother me, and I managed to fix it in some way. And there are some that probably will never get filled, but I've learned to live with it. I used to ponder upon the meaning of life, but I stopped thinking about it. These days, I ponder more upon what I want to do with my life. Hopefully, future me found something to fill the gap. If not, that's fine. Go wherever the wind blows.
Random things.
Work's been okay. Progressing here and there. Got deadlines this month, a bit nervous. Recently, I figured out how to replay network packets, it was exciting! Makes troubleshooting and testing easier since I can easily record network data and replay it without hardware access.
My colleague jokingly said that I have no life. I know he didn't mean any harm, but he's darn right lmao. I don't do much outside of work and my interests. It's public holiday next Monday, and I see many people going to their hometown and having a vacation. Someone invited me to Genting Highland. I would really like to go there, especially for the thrill rides (I'm an adrenaline junkie!) but gosh, I don't like the person who invited me. There was a part of me who say things like "Go for it, going out is a good thing to refresh your mind". So far, I only plan to stay at home and chill. And organize my never ending my to-do list, lol.
I remembered how I used to imagine a world in my mind, and sometimes it would collapse/behave erratically against my will. I just realized today that it's odd. I would just try to resist the change without questioning why it's happening. E.g. I would imagine chilling on an island, but the floor would start to behave gooey like honey, or fall into the void world beneath it.
When there's someone that I feel might leave a lasting impact on me or someone I feel comfortable enough with, I would create a note and write down things about them from time to time. There's this one person that I started writing about. They might be reading this right now >.< . Thanks for replying to my silly messages, I guess. You seem like a very nice person.
A few weeks ago, I reached 9000th days of being alive. Been that long, huh. Fascinating how I'm still alive. I wonder how long I could last.
Auroras are so beautiful. Its color is are pleasing to the eyes, dressing from rose pink to soothing blues. I love the smooth gradient, combined with curves. Perfect in being imperfect. It dances in the sky, truly a sight to behold. I want to hug the sky and eat it.
I was eating with my colleague. The restaurant owner received a small parcel. She initially walked towards me but changed her path towards my colleague to ask about the parcel. But then, my colleague pointed to me. I supposed my colleague's appearance of being older potrays an experienced person than I do. And/or I have a baby face :3 . Nothing to think much about, just an observation.
Thank you for taking your time to read my silly post. Have a nice day! 💕

I’m with my bf for 4 years, going into 5 this July. There’s one thing that makes me sick and I can’t forgive easily, and that’s lying. He knows that from the moment we met, I can’t stand lies and I always want the truth even if it’s bad news.
Throughout this years there have been 3 to 4 events where I knew the truth about something, I tried asking him about it and giving him the chance to explain himself to me, but he just straight up lied to me. It was really intense because the first two times I couldn’t give him evidence that I know how things happened so he just continued with a lie. He managed to confess a day after, or even some times months later in a random conversation where we both were “fine” so he felt comfortable saying he was lying back then and that I was right about the events.
He has just started at a new job, where he is the only guy there among other 2 guys and a lot of girls. I had a work opportunity outside our country so at the moment and for 4 months I’m going to be abroad so it’s been even more difficult for us. I catch myself getting insecure sometimes when a woman I don’t know is involved, but I try to soothe myself because I do know he loves me and that I’m being unreasonable with those thoughts. For the whole month that I’m away, we always speak on the phone and two hours pass by with him rambling about work and always defending one specific girl at work. Yesterday, while he was at work, I texted him and he didn’t reply but was active on instagram. I don’t check that in any way and I don’t care, but it happened to show his profile to a friend I met here so I saw he was online and thought “he’s here but doesn’t reply to me” and thought about making fun of it because I do like teasing him. When I was at his profile, the following went up when I refreshed it, and I found out that it was the girl he’s been so much mentioning from work. I’ve already sent him a teasing message, and he replied that he wasn’t on instagram. Then, the story changed to “her sister called him on insta”. That’s a straight up lie because he never speaks on insta with his sister. He sent me screenshot of the “call”, which was made at 17:28 from his part and ended the same time from his part again. But I’ve asked why he doesn’t reply to me at 17:10, where supposedly he was speaking on the phone with his sister. I knew he was on insta to accept the request from this girl from work, so I just wanted him to tell me the truth, it’s not even a big deal. But the way he lied to me and made up stories rather than just saying that made me feel sick. I might overreacting but I physically can’t stand lies, I wouldn’t lie to anyone let alone the person I love. He was keeping up with the lies until the end of the day, even though I have him a lot of chances for him to just say the truth. At midnight, on the phone, he finally said that he was on instagram because this girl sent him a request but that happened during the end of his shift, around 20:00. He was still lying to my face so I just said to him what happened and how I knew the story and knew he was lying the whole time about something so so minor. He finally confessed that all the stories he told me was a lie, and he justify it that he “wasn’t thinking and was an immediate move to lie to me because he kinda felt guilty about it”.
I know it’s a minor issue at the moment of the way it happened, but it has happened before with much bigger problems, I’ve always told him that I can’t respect someone who lies to my face and is fine about it, but I just can’t help myself to think of how he was okay lying, and how many other “lies” I might have believed only because I didn’t know the truth or didn’t have the ways to prove my gut feeling. He says he won’t ever lie to me again and that he don’t want to lose me. I love him and I also don’t want to lose him but I do feel overwhelmed and can’t stop thinking about how he lied straight up and even got offensive when I tried to tell him the truth.
TL/DR: my (22F) bf (27M) lied to me but I knew the truth and I feel overwhelmed of the way he tried to gaslight me.

I’m with my bf for 4 years, going into 5 this July. There’s one thing that makes me sick and I can’t forgive easily, and that’s lying. He knows that from the moment we met, I can’t stand lies and I always want the truth even if it’s bad news.
Throughout this years there have been 3 to 4 events where I knew the truth about something, I tried asking him about it and giving him the chance to explain himself to me, but he just straight up lied to me. It was really intense because the first two times I couldn’t give him evidence that I know how things happened so he just continued with a lie. He managed to confess a day after, or even some times months later in a random conversation where we both were “fine” so he felt comfortable saying he was lying back then and that I was right about the events.
He has just started at a new job, where he is the only guy there among other 2 guys and a lot of girls. I had a work opportunity outside our country so at the moment and for 4 months I’m going to be abroad so it’s been even more difficult for us. I catch myself getting insecure sometimes when a woman I don’t know is involved, but I try to soothe myself because I do know he loves me and that I’m being unreasonable with those thoughts. For the whole month that I’m away, we always speak on the phone and two hours pass by with him rambling about work and always defending one specific girl at work. Yesterday, while he was at work, I texted him and he didn’t reply but was active on instagram. I don’t check that in any way and I don’t care, but it happened to show his profile to a friend I met here so I saw he was online and thought “he’s here but doesn’t reply to me” and thought about making fun of it because I do like teasing him. When I was at his profile, the following went up when I refreshed it, and I found out that it was the girl he’s been so much mentioning from work. I’ve already sent him a teasing message, and he replied that he wasn’t on instagram. Then, the story changed to “her sister called him on insta”. That’s a straight up lie because he never speaks on insta with his sister. He sent me screenshot of the “call”, which was made at 17:28 from his part and ended the same time from his part again. But I’ve asked why he doesn’t reply to me at 17:10, where supposedly he was speaking on the phone with his sister. I knew he was on insta to accept the request from this girl from work, so I just wanted him to tell me the truth, it’s not even a big deal. But the way he lied to me and made up stories rather than just saying that made me feel sick. I might overreacting but I physically can’t stand lies, I wouldn’t lie to anyone let alone the person I love. He was keeping up with the lies until the end of the day, even though I have him a lot of chances for him to just say the truth. At midnight, on the phone, he finally said that he was on instagram because this girl sent him a request but that happened during the end of his shift, around 20:00. He was still lying to my face so I just said to him what happened and how I knew the story and knew he was lying the whole time about something so so minor. He finally confessed that all the stories he told me was a lie, and he justify it that he “wasn’t thinking and was an immediate move to lie to me because he kinda felt guilty about it”.
I know it’s a minor issue at the moment of the way it happened, but it has happened before with much bigger problems, I’ve always told him that I can’t respect someone who lies to my face and is fine about it, but I just can’t help myself to think of how he was okay lying, and how many other “lies” I might have believed only because I didn’t know the truth or didn’t have the ways to prove my gut feeling. He says he won’t ever lie to me again and that he don’t want to lose me. I love him and I also don’t want to lose him but I do feel overwhelmed and can’t stop thinking about how he lied straight up and even got offensive when I tried to tell him the truth.
TL/DR: my (22F) bf (27M) lied to me but I knew the truth and I feel overwhelmed of the way he tried to gaslight me.

Hey everyone, I don't expect anyone to reply to this as it'll probably be shrouded by the other posts. Just needed somewhere to write it all down.
My life has never been good. I've had moments of happiness, even for extended periods of time, but never for longer than a few months at most. I grew up in a horrible environments in and out of CPS where my Mum finally got custody of me at age 3, after I remained in a foster home for around 6 months. My Mom tried so hard for me, even until she won her court case against my birth Father. Until I was around 12, I was raised in a fairly normal environment by myself. Most of my childhood I never endured abuse or anything like that. It wasn't until I was 12, shit got real. At that age, people deemed my problems invalid because I was so young and "it couldn't be that bad" or "other people have it worse". I could never tell my Mum because I didn't want to dissapoint her and make it seem like all her efforts were for naught. As such, I sat alone with my problems, occasionally talking to people online, but nothing helped. When I turned 13, I discovered herbal cigarettes for the first time. I would roll a herb (usually something that produced a relaxing effect or a minor hallucinagen) and smoke it on my porch when my parents weren't home. After I first tried it, I told myself, "It was a good stress reliever, but I'm not gonna do this again. It's bad for me." This cycle repeated daily for around a month. Eventually, my parents found out. Despite my worries, they weren't mad. But the dissapointment in my Mum's eyes were unreal.
This was the moment where I first lost my parents trust.
Eventually, I stopped, as my parents hid everything away from me. Because of this I never wanted to be at my house, so I was with a new group of "friends: I had made. There was this one guy, who I'll name John. John shared a lot of my common interests, and would talk to me during class and we'd hang out at the centre of our city pretty often, just us two messing around and having fun, like a bunch of 8th grade boys. This lasted for a few months. I had one of the best birthdays ever with him. Around a month afterwards, this man somehow tricked me into sending nudes to him. I'm a straight man. I thought this was another one of his jokes and we'd be chill afterwards.
I was wrong.
The next day, I went to school surrounded by weirded stares and comments on the situation. I knew then, that I seriously fucked up bad. I somehow got myself out of the situation by saying it wasn't me, but my friendship with John was diminished. Despite this, he was the only friend I actually hung out with consistently after that. I dealt with his remarks in the times in the future, which grew more and more consistent as the times went on. I knew I had to let him go after he told my principle that I had a weapon on me for self defense (which basically everyone in my city does), which nearly led to me being suspended. Eventually, I abandoned him all together, and ran with whatever little amount of pride I had left. I fell into a huge state of depression after this. Even my online friends didn't want me anymore. Someone had accused me of being a pedophile and falsified screenshots. I had no one.
One day, after school, a friend who I wasn't particularly close with wanted to hang out with me after school. He mentioned his parents had a cabinet full of alcohol.
Seeing no danger with this, I accepted without hesitation. This was my first experience with alcohol. I got wasted with him, and for the first time in months, my worries washed away. Eventually, this became a weekly occurance. I would tell my parents I was going to the park, but instead I would get drunk with my friend. This soon became the only way I could live without stress. Around this time, I became closer with an acuqainted friend and his friend group, who we'll call Terry and his friends. Terry was a chill guy. We didn't share all the same interests, but he liked me for who I was. He didn't care about my past. I became closer with his friends, too. Eventually this became my new friend group. Around the time I formed this new friend group, I stopped going drinking with my other friend. Not because I didn't want to, but because he stopped pestering me to hang out with him like he did the months before. Instead, the roles were reversed at that point. Me and this friend group started hanging out more, and more, and more.
During this time, I met my first love. It was online, but it felt like the best thing in the world. We were young, and stupid. She was beautiful. I remember first talking to her on the phone on the plane ride to my Uncle's wedding. I decided to myself that I really liked this girl. I wanted her more than anything. I remember she was the only thing I dedicated myself for. Something I felt was worth being there for. I finally felt like I had some worth for the first time in forever. I should mention this was slightly before the drinking thing. We talked, we called, we loved for two whole weeks. Towards the end, I made the stupid mistake of telling her that "if I didn't meet her I probably would've killed myself". This wasn't entirely true. I was depressed before talking to her, but I don't think I was suicidal. However, this seemed to be a problem for her. Apparently, she felt trapped. Thus, she left me. I remember having to hide my heartbreak from my parents. I shortly got over it, however, and met a new girl from my school. I realize now I didn't love her, I loved the idea of being in a relationship. I remember joking to my ex about how bad my girtlfriend at the time was. After a while, she found out I was following other girls on instagram. I denied it at first, but discovered it was an opportunity to pin a breakup on her not trusting me enough, so I used that reason and dumped her. She later told the whole school I was unloyal (which I wasn't, I didn't even talk to the girls I followed). She proceeded to post shitty photos of me on her tiktok account. I remember being fuming. If sonething so small was the worst of my problems now, I would be blissful happy right now. A few weeks afterwards, I got back with my first ex. This time, it was one sided. After just over a month, I began to look at girls in my class with desire. I completely broke it off with my ex, telling her I didn't love her anymore. Years later, I still regret this decision. She accepted this, and we remained friends. Every time I felt lonely, I would talk to her again, and we would begin talking like we were together again. This repeated for around 6 months. We kept talking until around a few months ago, where I discovered she blocked me out of nowhere. I believe it was out of respect for her new boyfriend, which I respect.
After we had broken it off for the final time, I began spending time outside of school with my new friend group. Slowly, we began to hang out more and more. I even found a new girlfriend, which I had found off of quick add on snapchat, lol. Around Christmas, things went downhill. My friends asked a personal question, which was whether my girlfriend had sent me explicit pictures (i thought it would make me sound cooler if I said yes), but then they caught me in the lie, and they immediately lost trust for me. I saw the same look in their eyes as I saw in my Mother. Distrust. I tried to salvage the friendship, but I new it wouldn't be the same ever again. It still isn't. I saw the cycle repeat itself. Like last time, I left my girlfriend because I lost interest. I began to become depressed again. I started vaping and drinking to escape the pain. I didn't care as much about my looks anymore. I remember having one of the worst heartbreaks of my life afterwards. I told myself I wouldn't date ever again. I still hung out with my friends, but we all knew inside that we didnt care for each other as much as we acted. For around a month, I lived life in a cycle. A depressed cycle. One day, I caught a glimpse of a girl in my class who was exactly my type in a woman, physically and mentally. I knew she was far too good for me. I barely talked to her, and didn't have her on any social media. I eventually got the courage one afternoon to add her on snapchat, after one of my friends gave me her snap. This was after a mutual friend informed me that she found me attractive, which I didn't buy. The night I added her, we talked, and I rememebr playing games with her and her friends. It was one of the best nights I've ever had. I fucked up my sleep sdchedule just to speak to her longer. I got to know her more, and more. She was the most beautiful and perfect girl in the world. My eternal bliss lasted for a week. I had ordered flowers to ask her out with and I had the whole thing planned out with her friends. I remember going to my first work shift, and coming home, and getting a message from her:
"Hey, I think I'm lesbian. It's not your fault, I promise. I'm so sorry."
I was heartbroken, I kept tryna suffocated myself over and over again. I asked her why, what her thought process was. She eventually tired of my questions and she said that I was being a dick about it. I ended up sending her a message later that day telling her that I was sorry for being a dick about it (I still don't know what I did wrong). I didn't go to school the next day. I remember avoiding her hard for the whole rest of the school term. I was insanely depressed afterwards, the worst I've ever felt. she was the best thing that ever happened to me. I tried weed for the first time afterwards, it was mesmerising. It nearly compared to the feeling of being with her. But it was only a temporary escape. As the weeks went on, I became more and more depressed. Then, my parents found out I smoked weed, and my own mother told the police (I still dont know if thats morally right and im overthinking it) and my whole family found out and now hates me. I'm scheduled to see them tomorrow. I'm being illegally overowkred by my job, and I can;t do anything about it. I didn;t show up today, I'm probably already fired. I tried a cigarette today, it was one last thing I wanted to know before I pass. I went to one last convension today, and asked God for a sign to keep living. I ended up meeting a girl, asking for her number, and she gave me her insta and messaged me "You really thought I'd date you? Not tryna be mean".
In three hours, it'll turn midnight. I'll go to a store, find nitrous oxide, and overdose on that. Asphyxiation isn't that painful. I have nothing at all.

This was years ago. I was in my final stretch of the bachelor's degree and had to do an internship for a semester to graduate. I looked around but in the end I decided to just do it at the local internet Cafe I was hanging out at. I knew the owner, I had spent a considerable amount of time there so it seemed like the easiest path.
The owner, M., had two guys for IT support but they were working remotely. They had the PCs almost automated, loading a prepared image when needed or on each boot and they would come down every three months for some checks. So I thought I could learn from them, they always seemed cool. And he needed someone a little more technically capable than the current employees. I would do the usual, make coffee and tend the registry but also help customers or repair hardware when needed so that he wouldn't have to ship it to the pair of IT guys.
Everything was peachy. Besides the usual creeps and some GPUs that were failing (managed to "fix" some of them by putting them in the oven, having found an article about it) it was excellent. I worked nights, which was quiet and just counted the days to the end of the internship so I could go and find a real job.
At some point, about two months in my internship, things started happening. It was at a time where there was no reconnecting to an online game, not most of them anyway. And Dota was popular. Like the actual warcraft 3 map. So customers were rightly pissed when connections started dropping like flies. They would play and then nothing, network would drop them.
The IT guys immediately said we need to change the switch in the server rack room (more like a rack closet). But that was expensive and not a guaranteed solution. So the boss stonewalled until customers threatened to leave and go elsewhere. He tasked me to find one online which I got from ebay for half the price. It was shipped, received and the guys guided me on the phone on installing it.
For a few days it was okay until the issue returned. And I had limited experience so I did my best. Went online, tried several things but nothing. It went on for a couple weeks more until I had the idea to do some data mining. Nothing much, but I just started writing down details about when the disconnections happened. Soon it became apparent to me that it only happened when there were more than a number of customers in the shop. About 20 or so but it wasn't an exact number. I did some research and found a setting on the network card for each computer (they were loading an image, remember?), related to high stress or something. I can't recall the name or where it was, but essentially when the network reached a certain bandwidth it shut down the Lan port. It was just a bloody check box.
The IT guys fixed it, repaired the images as well with the new setting and we all went on to playing Dota like nobody's business. But I still use it in some interviews when asked how I handle problems.
(Excuse the formatting and grammar. I wrote this while waiting for a train on my phone.)

Hello everyone, first of all English isn't my first language, I'm on mobile, and I tend to ramble, so I'm sorry about that. I (34F) am in a short relationship (4 months) with L (28M), he's very kind and sweet, and I'm still adapting to this whole new relationship thing, for this last sentence I'll give you some background. My last serious relationship lasted for 3,5 years between me (24F at the time) and F (21M at the time). It started after we matched on a dating app and we went on our first date. Our first date was crazy perfect, he picked me up on a garden and we went to a tattoo/piercing shop where we got pierced. We talked for hours until evening, and he invited me to eat pizza at his place with his dad lol. It was super late by then, and I lived far far away, so we slept together just cuddling, nothing else. Since then we would meet each other every day. One time (6 months into the relationship) he rear ended another vehicle while going back home. So I decided to move closer to him, because the commute was getting to us. So I did. One week into the new lease, I had an accident and broke my ankle. So he decided that it was better for me to stay at his place to recover (bigger house, access to vehicles, and accessible in general). Three months and two surgeries after I decided it was time for me to go home, but he would convince me to "postpone just one more week" every time, and I would always oblige (I know the little doormat I sometimes am). And things would go like that until I hit the one year mark into that lease. And I said to him "or I move back home or I move definitely here, there's no middle therm", so I moved into his place. I offered to pay rent but he refused. Until this moment the relationship was perfect, his father also lived at that place, and we would always cook together, sing together, go for short trips, etc. But after a while I started to have symptoms of anxiety and depression. Until one day I had a panic attack by just sitting in front of my computer at work. I started to treat that and the doctors said I would have to stop work for a bit, because it was super serious (I don't want to go into too much details for that). At the beginning he was super supportive, but now I know that to have a relationship with someone w/ depression and anxiety it's super hard, 0/10 not recommend. So he and his friends started to be petty to me, and I noticed. One day me, him and his friend went for dinner and I got catchup for me. His friends started to berate me on how catchup is bad for my health and that I should stop using it. I simple replied that every time I see him he is smoking his cigarettes and I never said nothing. Or one time that his friend started to talk bad about gold digger women and insinuate that I was one, because I wasn't working. Before stopping to work I had a career in IT, while my bf had an assistant warehouse job, and I used to earn way more than him (that was never important to me before, honestly). So I said "I know I'm not working, but as soon as I get better I'll earn 4 times more than my bf, so your argument doesn't apply". Just wanted to point out that I had my savings, and I was living off it, paying for food, and other bills. My bf then was very mean and cold to me too, and at one point I asked "Do you want me to move out?" and he said "yes". "After that will you break up with me?" And he said "yes". So I activated my survival mode, and started to work my way into leaving. Between that, and getting a job, I started to pack my things quietly, and applying for jobs. All that while mourning the relationship. For him, I was doing nothing, but I was actually already in the way of signing a new lease, going to interviews and packing my things (and hiding in the house), I wanted to just disappear, I felt humiliated to not be able to leave in the next day after that talk. One day he went after me for sex, and I said "don't be like that, I feel like a piece of meat", he answered "so I'm going downstairs to get some salt then", and from that moment on, all the good feelings I had were replaced by disgust and disdain. A couple days after he asked me what I was going to do on next weekend, because he would go on a trip and wouldn't be home, and I said "nothing". I actually went to help the landlord to clean and paint the new place, since I wanted it to be ready ASAP. And I could move in next Wednesday. When I broke the news to him, he looked surprised and said "already??". So I kinda moved all out in less than a day. After that he would always go after me. I was 27 by then, and from that moment on the idea of a relationship would always make me sick. So I had the crazy teenager phase (since I always had long relationships before) and decided that I would be alone. I started to draw a plan to move to New Zealand, as far away from my ex possible and the plans didn't go through. But 3 years later I moved to Europe, my ex would always send messages saying he missed me, even when he was on a relationship, and in one of my birthdays he sent me a picture from his wallet with my picture in it. I replied politely, but I felt disdain honestly. We haven't talked in years now, honestly, and I'm alright with that. I was single for 7 years icking the idea of going through all that again. Ok, so now, what's happening? I'm 34 now, and I have my cute sweet new boyfriend, and every time he comes here to sleep with me I dream that I sneak out the bed to sleep with my ex. Even though I would never do that, even if he was in other bed next to us. I always feel guilty and dirty, like I'm cheating. I spend the days thinking that I should tell my bf, but I don't want to hurt him. All I feel for my ex is disdain and ick. But I feel like I'm hiding something. What do I do?
TL;DR!: Every time my bf sleeps over, I dream that I sneak out of the bed to go to sleep with my ex, and my brain thinks I'm cheating.

Hey everyone,
i just cant get over the icky feeling i have towards Ryland Lynch. I really dislike the way he is with the fans and taking advantage of woman. For instance when i went to The Driver Era's movie premiere in london i was sat at the back of the cinema and there were only a couple other girls there. Ryland at the end of the movie during the q&a sat right at the back next to two girls. I saw everything go down as he was the row infront of me. I could literally read his groupchat messages with the lynch family.
He kept talking to the girl in a hushed tone and i could see he was chatting her up. All the while doing this he also seemed pissed at Ross and Rocky for staying longer during the Q&A session than they needed to. Which isnt a good look because at this point they had only gone a couple minutes over time and he was already getting agitated before their time was up.
Anyways he eventually handed his phone over to the girl he was talking to and basically made her follow him on instagram so that he could talk to her. Im pretty sure he wanted this girl to also come back to the hotel with him after because the two of them seemed to be making an arrangement. I also found it quite telling that the one girl who he chose to hit on in the cinema was one of the youngest looking ones there.
This isnt the only issue i have had with ryland. Or even his friend for the matter, Riley.
Dont even get me started on how much Riley also gives me the ick. He was so rude to us fans when we were in line for the london concert. When he handed out our vip lanyards to us he didnt look anyone in the eye and basically chucked our lanyards at us. At this concert he also went about selling vip tickets to people in the ga line for cheaper. Basically Riley doesnt come across as a nice guy at all.
At this same concert, before ross and rocky came on stage, Ryland came out and asked the crowd who was single. But it wasn't just in a fun wooohooo way, he was legitametely scanning the crowd for girls i think he wanted to hook up with. After the concert as fans were waiting by the stage door, security kept calling out a bunch of different girls names. I believe they were girls the boys (not only ryland) had invited to join them after the show.
Ryland has had so many people coming out with stories against him and how most people have caught in to his ways and how he only seems to be in it for the money. I dont think hes a good manager or even a good person for the matter. He only acknolwedges the fans he thinks are pretty or theres something to gain and he has major f boy vibes.
It's kinda tragic, having been a fan of this band since the R5 days to see them all become these people. I find it hard to support them anymore and it feels like they dont even care about their fans at this point.

I’ve never written a question on this app before but this is eating at me. BUCKLE UP THIS IS LONG!
So my husband’s family have been abusive to him, he is the black sheep of his family he is the youngest and has a different father than his older siblings (8,6 years older).
Ever since I started dating him I was antagonized in some way. When I first met his family for Christmas his middle brother invited his ex-girlfriend to hang out, unbeknownst to my then bf which was awkward but she was fine with me. My boyfriend then was really sick and I took the train 2 hours to pick him up from his home (where his family was with their cars) and take him to a hospital in London. He was there for 6 days not one person visited him but me. They made fun of him and minimized his illness.
Then we moved to my home country the US and eloped. They came to visit a few years later his mom and eldest brother were okay. Middle brother again constantly throwing barbs and digs at me completely unprovoked. I get there may be a culture difference they are White English conservatives, I’m African American. Shortly after we married he dated a black girl, who left bc she was also treated poorly. Some examples of digs; I congratulated him on graduating and asked him when he finished he replied “same time you were supposed to” (I dropped out). Then I asked what the he loved most and what was challenging about being a PT and he replied “no offense, working with fat people.” Took them to multiple meals and covered everything which wasn’t cheap, he complained about the food being “reheated” and bitched when he was ID’d.
Things get progressively worse, middle brother has a precious baby. I want to spoil her and become close with the mother of the child (who is not with him due to his creepy behavior). We form a fast friendship and chat all the time about the baby. My brother in-law tortures this girl denies he is the dad but also goes out of his way to bully her (she’s not breast feeding right, she shouldn’t have pacifiers) all from the comfort of his home. He is also constantly complaining about having to pay $50 a week in child support nonstop saying he is going “bankrupt”. My hubby is part of a group chat and my mother-in-law talks ish about my friend and my hubby is telling me. I ask to see and his brother is actively trying to give his soon to be 1 year old daughter eggs and gluten that his ex told him she was allergic to and they are plotting to do this during her birthday and explicitly NOT tell my friend the mom of his baby. The reasoning was “I’m the father, I deserve to be respected, I can make choices to” but he is extremely sneaky. I show my friend/baby’s mom the messages and all hell breaks loose because of course he lies and gets caught. I would have told him off directly but he blocked me because he was mad at how close I was getting to his ex. I am called a “despicable woman” dragged in their chat, made to seem that I’m spying on my husband and accused of being jealous and sabotaging my niece’s birthday party. My husband says nothing in my defense just goes along like he didn’t send me the photos of their chat…
They don’t know I’m pregnant at this time and I chose not to tell any of my in-laws due to how awful they are. I also don’t believe in telling anyone that would wish ill on me and my baby (bad juju), but my bestie the baby mom knows. I give birth his mom has an absolute tantrum says incredibly awful things to my husband, reaches out to my mom to wish her congratulations on her grandchild and says “i guess I will learn to love him.”
Then my friend the mom gets diagnosed with cancer and wants to keep this secret and makes me promise, she kept my secret pregnancy it is the least I could do. She dies a few months later and my brother in law attacks her for not telling him and claims she is a horrible mother. He takes custody of his daughter.
Fast forward the eldest brother meets this hog woman. She is rotund and English, very ignorant and rude. The first interaction I had she thought she knew so much, decides to bash my dead friend’s parenting, call my dead father in law “weird”, tells me my niece eats everything now due to having a “good parent” and called my apt in NYC “embarrassing” bc it had scaffolding on google maps when she looked me up (like a creep). She then antagonizes me in a variety of slick ways including posting the eldest brother with my niece with the caption “uncle B’s favorite!” On my son’s birthday. Most recently I tell his family that we want to actually have a proper wedding and celebrate after 10 years of marriage, i give them 2 years notice. The hog says “ohhh me and the eldest are planning on getting married then.” I ask why she says “nice weather”. She then proceeds to have a fall wedding (orange, red, greens, pumpkins, barley, wheelbarrows etc.” in May. I try to be the bigger person and send a kind welcome and she leaves me on read.
I hate these people, I need to let this go. My husband says that we should just go on continuing our happy life and not “start problems”. But it feels like so much awfulness to have to swallow. I also feel like if/when I do speak up I’m the hysterical angry black woman and this hog is the “innocent”. The whole thing is so so frustrating but I need to let it go even though I want them to hurt emotionally as much as they have hurt us.
Any recommendations, would you want revenge? There is so much more but I have written a novel already. I feel alone like no one has my back or tries to understand my perspective. They are so sneaky and underhanded. I want to protect my family from these sick people. At the same time I want justice, justice for my husband, for my dead bestie, for me son and for me.

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I (24F) have been dating my boyfriend (25M) for about two years now. My two best friends (both 23F) are single, although one is having a FWB with a guy she met at the gym.
About six months ago I noticed that my two best friends were hanging out a lot without me. At first they would hang out when I was working, but now they openly hang out without inviting me first. This coincides with the time my friend who has the FWB broke up with her boyfriend.
They never message me and often leave my messages on delivered. We’ve never had an argument and I’ve never abandoned them for my boyfriend which is what is making me upset. The other best friend who does not have a FWB is quite pessimistic about relationships, yet has been actively searching for one for the past few years. I feel like she in particular doesn’t want to hang out with me because I’m in a relationship?
It’s really frustrating because they are the same types of girls to talk negatively about girls in relationships who abandon their friends. But it feels like that’s what they’re doing to me. I was facing some stress at work a few weeks ago and opened up to them, but one of them literally didn’t even reply or ask if I was okay.
I would understand if they were going clubbing or doing “single people” activities. But they’re literally just going out for dinnemovies/bowling. How do I navigate this situation?

I’m trying to get back together with my ex. She reached out to me specifically after like 4 months no contact, we’ve been broken up for 2 years. She wanted to get together and talk about dating again.
She expressed how much she would love to see me after this week cuz last week was super busy for her. She’s a single mother. We also discussed her tendency to disappear without a trace and that she was working on it and trying to be better about it.
I got a new phone, told her I lost all my contacts but remembered her # and asked if she wanted to call, like 11pmish when we usually call. She didn’t respond. A day later I requested to follow her on instagram, she looked at my story but didn’t accept the request. Couple days later I sent her a link to a song called “I will wait” by prentiss basically a song saying I will wait for her. No response.
2 days later I message “are you all good? If you want to disappear just make sure you come back” and she never replied.
Wtf is happening. She reached out to me because I’m 1/3rd owner of a successful business and have turned my life around a lot in 2 years. She knows I’m great with kids and always wanted a son. Why would she reach out to me to start dating again then just go ghost? I don’t even think it was anything I did

Hello reddit,
I am overthinking and I would love to hear your opinion on the situation.
On the 14th of May I sent my CV to a company, offering a specific position, my CV was checked on the 15th of May and I received a phone call , the same day, for my first interview - online, for the 17th.
The interview went well, and they told me that they will give me a feedback within 2-3 business days - I guess they liked me, cause they gave me a feedback literally 30 min after the interview, asking for a date for the second one - in their office. This happens on the 17th of May and my second interview was scheduled for the 22nd of May.
After the 2nd interview, I received an offer on the 27th of May ( which is literally the next working day for us ), where it was mentioned that I have time until the 29th to let them know if I accept or decline.
On the 28th, a day after the offer, I informed them that I would love to join them, if they offer a little bit more start salary, since I do not want to start a new position with less salary than the current one, on which the HR replied that they will discuss it with the staff and inform me via email/phone call.
Today, 1st of June, no calls, no email - am I silently declined? They had a super fast process, even the HR phoned me on the 28th asking for information before I told her my offer. Now, 3rd day in a row without any information.. what do you think?
Also, is it fine to message the HR this Monday, asking if there are any updateS?

I was meant to go to an event today with a friend I haven’t seen in ages. Our last few plans had been cancelled due to them double-booking plans with other people and even though I was upset, I brushed it off, and they apologised and said that they didn’t want to piss off the other person they had plans with. I took a step back and decided to let them put the effort in to our friendship.
They called me this week and asked me if I wanted to go to this daytime event/festival today. I said yes, I was really excited tbh. They can’t stay out past late afternoon because they’re working early tmrw and also they were going for a few drinks the night before, but nothing big and even suggested we meet in the morning. I texted last night to confirm and still good, but pushed back meeting by an hour. I woke up to texts from late last night/this morning saying they basically felt rough and asking to push back again a couple of hours and meet mid afternoon.
I just feel like cancelling because I honestly feel pissed - the best bits of the event will be over by then, they’re going to be hungover, we won’t have as much time before they have to go, and if they’re tired/hungover they’ll likely leave earlier anyway and it’s annoying me because I know they absolutely 100% are not expecting me to be annoyed or cancel. I get that it’s easy to lose track of time when you’re having fun, and 9 times out of 10, I wouldn’t mind. A huge part of it is that they know I never get mad, and it hurts that they made decisions knowing it would impact the time/ability they had to be present when they’ve been so busy that I haven’t seen them in months, whereas the people they were out with last night are people they see regularly. They also know that I’ve been going through a really hard time, and this meant a lot to me, and there’s just a lot more history there that’s making this more hurtful.
What makes it worse is that some new friends (who have been so so lovely) invited me to the same event literally a few hours after I’d been asked, and I didn’t want to turn them down and they kind of know my friend through a mutual friend (met a few times on nights out) so I asked if they could come along/we all meet up, or I could join after they left, and they just haven’t responded at all and I’m a bit confused and not sure if I overstepped. I also didn’t want to just say no because I knew there was a good chance my friend would flake, and they seemed like healthier friends than my old friend group tbh so I wanted to put effort in buuuut I kind of feel like I fucked that up lol.
I’ve just been noticing it more and more since going through a really rough patch in my life and ig reaching my limit on being an afterthought - I’m constantly the one that people let down when given the choice between me and someone else, and I feel like it’s something I’ve created in my relationships by always choosing to let it go, or not wanting people to feel like they have to worry about me getting mad. Now I don’t really know how to change it, or whether the friendships I’ve formed will survive that.
I don’t know whether me cancelling is just punishing myself/an overreaction, or setting a boundary. I don’t want to disrespect myself by brushing off my feelings and still going to this thing with them just because I don’t want to go alone/want to catch up with them. I also genuinely know that they do love me a lot (we’ve known each other a long time), these things happen, and it’s maybe just not that deep, or I just need to think about it from a different perspective. I’ve not replied to their messages and we’re supposed to meet in a couple of hours. I just feel really lost.
Has anyone else experienced similar things, or maybe have any suggestions/advice, please? Ty in advance! xx
tl:dr; friend changed up plans last minute due to going out the night before, want to cancel bc I’m hurt and feel like they see me as a pushovewouldn’t do this to other friends, but don’t want to act out of emotions/go about this the wrong way.

We knew each other since primary school. We grew up together, playing video and board games. We lived on the same street, and would often hang out together after school. He was my best friend's brother.
We grew closer to each other when we became young adults. So close that it was confusing. Confusing because where I come from, same gender relationships are frowned upon. I eventually had to give in to marrying a young woman, but deep in my soul, I had unexplainable feelings for him.
My marriage started breaking down terribly after a few months, to the point where I found myself alone most of the time. Then, out of nowhere, he got in touch again. We met up and our love grew. We explored our feelings for one another. We confessed, we embraced, we celebrated, it was beautiful. For the first time in my life, I felt loved, cared for, and understood. I was with someone who knew every inch of me. I was with someone who protected me from the rest of the world, in a small, Pacific country where everyone else frowned upon couples of the same gender.
Then one evening, we met. I drove over 200 KMs to meet him and his brother - my best friend. We sat down, had some drinks, played board games - just like we did when we were kids. It was beautiful. We had so much fun. He laughed with us. He served us drinks. I wished him well before going back home. He had to travel to another town for work the following day.
I texted him like I was crazy the next day. He replied to a few of them, then his replies never came. I grew worried, but tried convincing myself that he might just be busy with work.
Around midnight, my phone rang. It was my best friend (his brother). I picked up. My heart stopped.
The love of my life hung himself in the day. I didn't know what to do. I was broken. Shattered, like the dreams he and I saw of living our lives together, far away from that country.
Still, I had to hide everything and be a best friend. His brother (and family) needed me, so I drove to his house. The memories of having met there the night before was haunting. Time had stood still.
It's been 4 years. I have relocated to another country and tried starting a new life, but that part of my life is still frozen in time. Not a single day goes by when I think about him. I wish he had called me - just once before he made that decision. I wish I could hold him once and tell him how everything would be alright. I wish I could hear him say my name one more time. I miss him. He has taken a part of me with him, and with me, he has left memories that will last a lifetime.

To new users, welcome everyone to MorePerfectUnion!
I have reached out to many of you with personal invites and I'm flattered you've decided to see what we've got going on in the sub. I hope you're finding it an inviting space for you to read and talk about current events, politics, history, and law, regardless of your political background.
To regular community members, welcome back to the monthly meta!
The sub is taking shape, taking some of the best things (I think from numerous other politically-oriented subreddits:

• the starter comments and submission quality of /moderatepolitics
• the open and approachable moderation of /neoliberal
• the open forum of political ideas of /centrist

So far I've been very happy to see some high-quality comments in current issues threads, and I think users for their engagement on those posts. I do want to ask about the Historical and Case Law posts that I have been putting out, as they haven't gotten many replies. A key goal I have with this sub is to bring these subjects into the discussion to give us a wider frame of reference when we talk about current events and politics. Are you enjoying this content? Is there anything I can do to make this content more interesting or engaging for you?
Attached is a poll as a prompt. Do you think the sub is headed in a good direction? Do you think the sub has taken a turn for the worse recently? It's just a litmus test to see how the community did over the last month, and how well moderators are serving the community.
Please respond in the comments with whatever suggestions you have for the sub. It is in a bit of an infantile state right now, and I'm more than welcome to any and all ideas to improve this space and make it the best political discussion forum possible. Cheers everybody!
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The profusion of identical green tents at this spring’s anti-Israel protests struck many as odd. “Why is everybody’s tent the same?,” asked New York mayor Eric Adams. Like others, the mayor suspected “a well-concerted organizing effort” driving the protests. More recent reporting shows a concerted push behind the Gaza protest movement. But it is not as simple as a single organization secretly rallying protesters or buying tents. Instead, the movement’s most determined activists represent a network of loosely linked far-left groups. Some are openly affiliated with well-known progressive nonprofits; others work in the shadows.
The movement also draws on diverse but generous sources of financial backing. Those funding streams may soon be augmented by the federal government. As I chronicled last year in a Manhattan Institute report, “The Big Squeeze: How Biden’s Environmental Justice Agenda Hurts the Economy and the Environment,” the administration’s massive program of environmental justice grants seems designed to prioritize the funding of highly ideological local groups. The Inflation Reduction Act, for example, earmarks $3 billion for “environmental and climate justice block grants” intended for local nonprofits. Today, hundreds of far-left political groups include language about environmental issues and “climate justice” in their mission statements. If just a fraction of planned grants flows to such groups, the effect will be a gusher of new funding for radical causes.
As the Gaza protests spread across U.S. college campuses, many observers noted an eerie uniformity among them. From one campus to the next, protesters operated in disciplined cadres, keeping their faces covered and using identical rote phrases as they refused to talk with reporters. The Atlantic noted the strangeness of seeing elite college students “chanting like automatons.” Students held up keffiyeh scarves or umbrellas to block the view of prying cameras and linked arms to halt the movements of outsiders. At Columbia University and elsewhere, protesters formed “liberated zones,” from which “Zionists” were excluded. Around the edges of the encampments, the more militaristic activists donned helmets and goggles and carried crude weapons, apparently eager to mix it up with police or counter-protesters. We’ve seen these tactics before—notably during the “mostly peaceful” Black Lives Matter protests of 2020, when full-time agitators helped ignite riots, set up a police-free (and violence-plagued) zone in Seattle, and laid nightly siege to Portland, Oregon’s federal courthouse.
In a remarkable work of reporting, Park MacDougald recently traced the tangled roots of organizations backing pro-jihad protests, both on and off campuses. These include Antifa and other networks of anonymous anarchists, along with “various communist and Marxist-Leninist groups, including the Maoist Revolutionary Communist Party, the Party for Socialism and Liberation (PSL), and the International ANSWER coalition,” MacDougald writes. Higher up the food chain, we find groups openly supported by America’s growing class of super-rich tech execs or the anti-capitalist heirs of great fortunes. For example, retired tech mogul Neville Roy Singham, who is married to Code Pink founder Jodie Evans, funds The People’s Forum, a lavish Manhattan resource center for far-left groups. As the Columbia protests intensified, the center urged members to head uptown to “support our students.” Following the money trail of other protest groups, MacDougald finds connections to the Rockefeller Brothers Fund, the Ford Foundation, and—surprising no one—the George Soros-backed Tides Foundation.
Of course, the current wave of anti-Israel protests also involves alliances with pro-Hamas organizations such as Students for Justice in Palestine. Last November, Jonathan Schanzer of the Foundation for Defense of Democracies testified to the House Ways and Means Committee that SJP and similar groups have deep ties to global terrorist organizations, including Hamas.
For many keffiyeh-wearing protestors, however, a recently professed concern for Palestinians is just the latest in a long list of causes they believe justify taking over streets and college quads. In Unherd, Mary Harrington dubs this medley of political beliefs the “omnicause,” writing that “all contemporary radical causes seem somehow to have been absorbed into one.” Today’s leftist activists share an interlocking worldview that sees racism, income inequality, trans intolerance, climate change, alleged police violence, and Israeli-Palestinian conflicts all as products of capitalism and “colonialism.” Therefore, the stated rationale for any individual protest is a stand-in for the real battle: attacking Western society and its institutions.
In the U.S., this type of general-purpose uprising goes back at least to the riots at the 1999 meeting of the World Trade Organization in Seattle. In those protests, mainstream liberal factions—including labor unions and environmentalists—were joined by “black bloc” anarchists and other radicals eager to engage in “direct action” against police. That pattern—relatively moderate demonstrators providing a friendly envelope for hard-core disruptors—formed the template for many later protests: the Occupy Wall Street encampments in 2011, demonstrations following the police shooting of Michael Brown in 2014, 2016’s Standing Rock anti-pipeline movement, and of course, the calamitous summer of 2020.
These uprisings were not entirely spontaneous. In some cases, activists spend months planning mass actions—for example, against economic summits or political conventions—and can recruit street fighters from across the country. In others, an event, such as George Floyd’s death, sparks popular protests involving neophyte demonstrators. Those attract far-left activists, who swoop in to organize and expand the struggle, often tilting it toward more radical action.
That has certainly been the case at the college Gaza-paloozas. At Columbia, the New York Times spotted a woman old enough to be a student’s grandmother in the thick of the action as protesters barricaded that school’s Hamilton Hall. The woman was 63-year-old Lisa Fithian, a lifetime activist, who Portland’s alternative weekly Street Roots approvingly calls “a trainer of mass rebellion.” A counter-protester trying to block the pro-Hamas demonstrators told NBC News, “She was right in the middle of it, instructing them how to better set up the barriers.” Fithian told the Times she’d been invited to train students in protest safety and “general logistics.” She claims to have taken part in almost every major U.S. protest movement going back to the 1999 “Battle in Seattle.”
America’s radical network has plenty of Lisa Fithians, with the time and resources to travel the country educating newcomers about the “logistics” of disruptive protests. And these activists appear to have played key roles in the college occupations. The New York City Police Department says nearly half the demonstrators arrested on the Columbia and City University of New York (CUNY) campuses on April 30 were not affiliated with the schools. One hooded Hamilton Hall occupier—photographed scuffling with a Columbia custodian before getting arrested—turned out to be 40-year-old James Carlson, heir to a large advertising fortune. According to the New York Post, Carlson lives in a $2.3 million Park Slope townhouse and has a long rap sheet. For example, in 2005, he was arrested in San Francisco during the violent “West Coast Anti-Capitalist Mobilization and March Against the G8.” (Those charges were dropped.)
For a quarter-century now, Antifa and other anarchist networks have worked to refine tactics and share lessons following each major action. At Columbia, UCLA, and other schools, authorities found printouts of a “Do-It Yourself Occupation Guide” and similar documents. The young campus radicals are eager to learn from their more experienced elders. And, like the high-achieving students they are, they follow directions carefully. MacDougald asked Kyle Shideler, the director for homeland security and counterterrorism at the Center for Security Policy, about the mystery of the identical tents. There was no need for a central group to distribute hundreds of tents, Shideler said. Instead, “the organizers told [students] to buy a tent, and sent around a Google Doc with a link to that specific tent on Amazon. So they all went out and bought the same tent.”
In other words, America’s radical class has gotten very skilled at recruiting and instructing new activists—even from among the ranks of elite college students with a good deal to lose. How much more could this movement accomplish with hundreds of millions in federal dollars flooding activist groups around the country?
From its first week in office, the Biden administration has trumpeted its goal to funnel more environmental spending toward “disadvantaged communities that have been historically marginalized,” partly by issuing grants to grassroots organizations. Previous environmental justice (EJ) grant programs were small in scope. But, with the passage of the Inflation Reduction Act (IRA) in August 2022, a huge pool of grant money became available. EPA administrator Michael Regan told reporters, “We’re going from tens of thousands of dollars to developing and designing a program that will distribute billions.”
More than a year and a half later, it remains hard to nail down just where the Biden administration’s billions in EJ grants will wind up. Money is being distributed through a confusing variety of programs, and the process of identifying recipients is ongoing. To help outsource the job of sifting through proposals, the EPA last year designated 11 institutions as “Environmental Justice Thriving Communities Grantmakers.” These groups are empowered to make subgrants directly to community organizations, under streamlined EPA oversight. In all, the Biden administration has entrusted these outfits with distributing a staggering $600 million in funding. The money is expected to start flowing this summer.
The EPA’s grantmakers include a number of educational institutions and left-leaning nonprofits. For example, the EPA chose Fordham University as its lead grantmaker in the New York region. Fordham, in turn, lists as partners two nonprofits that oppose immigration enforcement. (One, the New Jersey Alliance for Immigrant Justice, states on its website: “NJAIJ believes in the human right to migrate, regardless of citizenship or political status.”) Neither group claims expertise in environmental issues. Given that the IRA’s eligibility requirements for EJ grants are extremely vague, however, perhaps that’s not a problem. Almost any activity that could help “spur economic opportunity for disadvantaged communities” (in the words of Biden’s EJ executive order) might qualify.
Perhaps the most prominent—and problematic—EPA grantmaker is the Berkeley, California-based Climate Justice Alliance. The CJA is a consortium of mostly far-left activist groups. It describes its mission as working for “regenerative economic solutions and ecological justice—under a framework that challenges capitalism and both white supremacy and hetero-patriarchy.” The group is a vigorous proponent of the omnicause, embracing almost every left-wing concern as a manifestation of climate change. For example, the CJA website proclaims: “The path to climate justice travels through a free Palestine.” MacDougald notes that the Grassroots Global Justice Alliance, one of CJA’s affiliated groups, “organized an illegal anti-Israel protest in the Capitol Rotunda in December at which more than 50 activists were arrested.”
The CJA website also includes a section dedicated to the cause known as Stop Cop City. It refers to an effort to halt the construction of an 85-acre police and firefighter training center outside Atlanta. Rag-tag activists from around the country have gathered around the facility since 2021. They have repeatedly battled with police—sometimes with fireworks and Molotov cocktails—and used bolt cutters to enter the site and torch construction equipment. (CJA’s Stop Cop City page features a cartoon illustration of three childlike activists; one brandishes bolt cutters.) The group also backs a legal defense fund for activists arrested in attacks on the training center or in other protests. For those looking for more inspiration, CJA links to an interview with former Black Panther and self-described revolutionary Angela Davis.
The Alliance is not an ideological outlier in Biden’s EJ coalition. On the contrary, when the White House assembled its White House Environmental Justice Advisory Council (WHEJAC), a panel of outside experts meant to provide “horizon-expanding EJ advice and recommendations,” it chose CJA co-chair Elizabeth Yeampierre to help lead the committee. Like other members of the panel, she sees environmental issues through an ideological, not a scientific, lens. “Climate change is the result of a legacy of extraction, of colonialism, of slavery,” Yeampierre told Yale Environment 360. As a group, radical EJ activists tend not to focus on pragmatic ways to reduce pollution and carbon emissions; for them, the real goal is overturning what they see as an exploitative economic and political system. Since these are the voices the White House chose to help shape its EJ policies, we can assume this worldview will dominate grantmaking decisions.
In February 2023, House Oversight Committee chairman James Comer, along with fellow committee member Pat Fallon, wrote to EPA administrator Regan asking for more information on the EPA’s grant programs. They noted that the EPA’s own studies of EJ grants issued in previous years showed sloppy supervision. According to an EPA report, an earlier version of the program funded projects that did “not logically lead to the desired environmental and/or public health [result].” Without better oversight and more clearly defined goals, the congressmen wrote, the EPA’s EJ grant machine risks becoming simply a “slush fund for far-left organizations.”
Since then, the administration has done little to reassure skeptics. To the contrary, the EPA has put at least one far-left organization—CJA—in charge of distributing $50 million in grant money. No doubt, many of the EPA grants will go to worthwhile projects. But money is fungible. A group that gets a large grant to, say, clean up dirty parks or teach children about recycling will also be able to hire more staff and divert more resources to political action.
With graduation behind them, most of the anti-Israel college protesters have stowed away their keffiyehs and moved on to summer vacations or internships. But the peripatetic activists who helped guide and intensify those uprisings are doubtless already planning their next actions. After all, two political conventions are looming. This fall, the college protests will likely flare up again, though by then perhaps focused on a different facet of the omnicause. And, with hundreds of millions in fresh funding flowing through the activist ecosystem, the groups that quietly nurture extremists—like those who firebombed “Cop City,” or who chant “Intifada Revolution!,” or who block bridges in the name of “climate”—will be more emboldened than ever.
A Slush Fund for Radical Protesters? City Journal (city-journal.org)
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