CW Domestic Abuse, graphic violence
Laurens' stomach seemed to flip and jolt with every bump of the road heading to the motel outside of town just past the main supermarket. Tears ran down her face. The car seemed to fishtail a little as she pulled in. There were several problems with her marriage. Namely that he had a tendency to hit her and accuse her of cheating on him, the most current problem was that he was cheating on her in a motel where everyone they knew could see. Lauren wasn’t thinking clearly as she banged on the door, she knew right away which one it would be, she could hear his voice coming out from it.
“OPEN UP!” She screamed as she pounded on the door. Lauren could feel the general sensation of her hand resisting the door. It would more than likely hurt at some point when she came off the adrenaline.
Then, the door did open. Daniel Anderson took up most of the frame and he was angry. Lauren could hear the other girl screaming inside but couldn’t seem to make out what she was saying. Her heart stopped as she looked into Daniels face. He was Angry. The kind of angry that meant he was going to hurt her, whether anyone could see it or not. Lauren backed up from the door to avoid being pulled in the room but Daniel followed her out.
“What are you doing here?” Daniel asked, his voice was even and low.
“I got 3 calls about you being here with some whore.” Lauren retorted. She had started edging towards her car at this point, seemingly just now realizing she had made a mistake in coming here. Her heart seemed to stop altogether as he reached for her.
Lauren ducked but he caught her by her hair, winding the strands in between his fingers and yanking her face so that her ear was next to her mouth.
“What did you call her?” He whispered through clenched teeth. Lauren remained mute at this point. She felt her heart speed up and she tried to figure out how to get out of this. He’d never hit her in public. If she could remind him where they were… “I asked you a question Bitch.
If Lauren had thought about answering at that point, she wasn’t given much of a chance. He swung her head up and then forward, the momentum knocking her to the ground. Then he kicked her, pain blossomed through her midsection stunning her and she had trouble catching her breath. His hands came back down and he began throwing her face into the bumper of his bright red truck. After a minute he threw her face in a different direction and she could taste gravel.
“Apologize.” Daniel said in a warning voice. Lauren tried to stand but he mimicked grabbing at her and she shrunk back. “Apologize to her for calling her a whore.”
Lauren said nothing, somewhat in shock and mostly in pain. She could taste blood and felt it running down her face. This time he did grab her by the arm and yanked her up in one movement.
“I Said. Apologize. “ his words were clear.
Lauren did. Stuttering out an I’m sorry in the other woman’s direction.
“You best be home when I get back.” With that Daniel turned around and went back in the room.
Lauren assessed her options but she couldn’t seem to think. She reached into her car and pulled out her purse and started walking. She couldn’t see out of one eye hardly at all and her head hurt in the back. Lauren knew that he had pulled out a significant amount of hair. She thought she recalled some sharp pain as her face was pulled back from the bumper but she couldn’t remember what had happened in any sort of order.
It was at least 2 miles to her friend’s house. Lauren knocked on the door and when Natalie opened the door Lauren pushed her way in. Natalie hissed as she looked at Lauren.
“What the fuck happened?” Natalie gingerly touched her eye, or at least Laurent thought it was the area heer eye should be in. She hadn’t realized how numb she’d been getting here until she wasn’t numb anymore and the throbbing started up. Todd, Natalie’s husband came from the bedrooms and audibly gasped as well. Lauren headed for the hair salon in the back as Natalie whispered to Todd.
Natalie found Lauren in the salon, lights on and sitting in the chair.
“I’ve got enough here for a haircut but I’ll have to get back to you on the last minute/middle of the night fee. I need it all chopped off if you would. I know he ripped a bit in the back so it’s uneven anyway. Honestly it’s irresponsible to keep my hair this long anyway,do people still do that Kate plus Eight hair? The may I speak to your manager hair?” Lauren had trouble forming the words but she kept going hoping that Natalie understood her. She purposefully faced away from the mirror.
“I can cut your hair for sure. Wouldn’t you rather go to a hospital?” Natalie asked carefully playing with Lauren’s hair. Lauren shookher head quickly and immediately regretted it. Todd came in the room with an ice pack and a washcloth. Natalie filled up a bowl of water and started carefully patting away dried blood and finding the actual cuts. There was water and ibuprofen with a few tylenol mixed in, Lauren had trouble with it.
Natalie cut her hair silently. Working around one spot and then going back to it before announcing that it was as good as it was going to get there until the massive cut healed.
“You want to stay here tonight babe?” Natalie asked as she once more took to wiping her face from the still open cuts.
“No I couldn't do that to you, he told me to go home and when he finds that I’m not there… I left my car at the motel. '' Lauren knew on some level she had and knew there had been a reason, but now that the adrenaline was amping down and quickly she had no idea what she was going to do now.
“The motel?”
“Yeah, he met that girl..that one… Beth, that’s her name. They were up there and I had 3 people call me to tell me his truck was there. I just lost it and drove up there. I didn’t expect this to happen. I figured he’d be caught and apologetic.”
“That fucking bitch, I know her. She has no shame. Anyone gives her a little attention and she thinks they’re married. Tells everyone about it. She smells to high heaven too.” Natalie said incensed.
“Well I got up there and confronted him and he did this until I apologi-apolo-. “ Lauren felt sick suddenly and didn’t bother to finish. It hurt more to talk anyway.
“Why don’t you kick him out? It’s your house, the bills are in your name, you survived years without him before so it’s not like you need to worry about money. Serve him with eviction papers and go hide out somewhere until the month is up. Then bar him from the house.”
“I can’t afford a vacation and last time I tried to kick him out, it didn’t go well.I’ve got nothing in savings or otherwise. I can’t stay with anyone because he’ll come find me and hurt someone else in the process. My kids are already going to be pissed about this and if I disappear it's them he’ll hassle.I can’t afford the medical bills if I go in for this and I can’t afford the next beating if I don’t go home and get there before he does. Plus he knows exactly where I work.”
“You aren’t going to have a job if you're dead and he’s going to kill you.. At this point we’re just waiting for when. I can help you. I can loan you money, Fuck, I’ll just give you the god damn money. “
“We both know you don’t have any more than I do. “ Lauren said leaning back
“Well, you aren’t going home tonight, call your kids and warn them that he’ll be calling and to get a police car out there or something. I’ll call Lottie and explain that you are taking a few days off, and you most certainly are taking a few days off ma’am. You can’t go in looking like that, Lottie’ll kick you back out as soon as you show up. I know where you can go for now.”
Lauren went out back, wincing as she lit up a cigarette and took a few good drags before calling her oldest daughter and explaining that Daniel was going to be angry and to be on the lookout and if she could please call her siblings because she just did not have the energy tonight. Lauren promised to go to the hospital, figuring she’d end up going at some point and assured her daughter that she would be fine. After hanging up Todd got her attention at the edge of the yard and gestured toward the car. Lauren got up and limped over to it to climb in and wondering why the actual fuck she had worn flip flops tonight for this. .
It was a long drive out of town and into the mountains. Lauren apologized profusely every time she looked at the car clock. Todd waved his hand dismissively and handed her a fresh ice pack.
“We’re going to see my cousin, he lives up in the woods doing work for the park. He’s pretty far out there and doesn’t come into town much so Daniel won’t know about him. I’d turn your phone off as a precaution though. GPS trackers and whatnot.”
Lauren had already turned her phone off and felt herself dozing off. Unsure of how long she had slept she was awoken by the car stopping. Todd told her to wait where she was while he talked to his cousin. Lauren wondered what she was going to do if this guy didn’t let her stay here tonight. A few minutes later Todd was back and helping her hobble inside. The other man looked like he’d been woken up. He looked Lauren up and down and then waved Todd away. Todd slumped his shoulders and walked back to the car.
“I’m Eric, you’ll get my room. I’ve got some shirts on the bed to sleep in. The dog might insist on laying with you don’t mind dogs too much. I’ll be right out here on the couch if you need anything, bathroom is over here. I can get you a water and some more ibuprofen.” Eric seemed nice. Lauren worried that Daniel would find her out here with another man and finish what he started at the motel. The motel that seemed to be eons ago. Lauren felt her knees start to buckle and she swayed. Eric grabbed her and helped to the bed. Lauren rolled over and managed to get under the blankets before passing out.
Lauren came to hazily and found that the man here was in the room, he seemed taller as in a lot taller.
“I just want to touch you.” Eric slurred out. He swayed awkwardly and seemed to float to the bed, his hands grabbed at her. Lauren was frozen and then noticed to her horror that her husband was right behind him. Daniel came around to the other side of the bed smiling as if he’d known all along that she would be here. Lauren pulled her legs back and tried to scoot back into the headboard as the men got on the bed and started pulling her legs apart and shoving their palms into her collarbone to push her back. Lauren cried out screaming at them to stop as they started biting at her hips and inner thighs. Then they were laughing as they bit into her and pulled her skin off. Eric moved his mouth to her face and bit into her forehead and that set off fireworks of pain through her head.
Lauren awoke gasping and throwing her hands up defensively. Grey light filtered into the room through the blinds and Lauren was soaked in sweat. Her head most definitely did hurt. Badly. The memory of the men all over her made her sick and she jumped out of the bed and scrambled to the hallway towards where she thought the bathroom would be. She tried to grab at her hair to hold it out of the way only to come up short. It was cut. By the time she had finished throwing up and was leaning over the toilet trying to regain her breath, Eric had appeared wiping sleep out of his eyes. Lauren was slightly relieved to see him at his normal size although she shrunk from his touch when he reached out to steady her. He put his hands up to show that he was backing off.
“Hungry? I can make you something to eat to take some painkillers with so you don’t get so sick again. I’m going to run you into town when you think you’re ready. We can go to the ER if you’d like or maybe the prompt care? But you will have to go in. Looks like you broke your face.” Eric spoke slowly to her, keeping his hands where she could see them. Lauren just nodded at him dumbly. Which sent a new wave of agony through her body and she started to crumble. Eric reached carefully and steadied her with as little physical contact as possible. He led her to the couch and got her sat down, bringing her toast and ibuprofen with water.
Lauren tried to relax into the pain until the ibuprofen kicked in. She tried to disappear into herself, she counted by 13s. Finally after what seemed like forever, the painkillers kicked in taking a very large edge off of her pain. She let out a very audible moan as the pain abated ever so slightly. Her shoulders dropped.
“If we’re going into town and avoiding your husband maybe you should wear some different clothes? I’ve got some guy clothes that will fit you ok.” Eric said, handing her folded jeans and a shirt. Lauren just took them and went into the room to change. Mens jeans seemed to change her entire body shape and she did feel a little safer. Lauren had no idea what she was going to do when it came down to it. She was serious last night about not knowing how to leave him. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to, she had tried once before to end things, he called his son over to help him carry his stuff out and then when his son arrived he had held Lauren still while Daniel beat the shit out of her stomach and explained that he wasn’t leaving. Lauren needed her job, the house was paid off, she had gotten it in the divorce and had worked hard to pay it up over the years, but there were other bills and taxes and at some point Lauren wanted to retire long enough to enjoy it.
The car ride to town was nerve wracking. Lauren had used Eric’s phone to call ahead to the doctors office and let them know she would be there and that she would like to be brought back as soon as possible. Lauren waited until they were back in town to turn her phone back on. It powered up and looked fine until the phone started registering the texts and voicemails that had been coming in since last night. Once upon a time Daniel had reacted very negatively to her not responding to his message fast enough so Lauren had eventually set his ringer as an alarm so she knew right away to pick her phone up. Eric’s car sounded like a national disaster was going on. Lauren thought about throwing it out the window as her panic started to grow. Eric grabbed it from her and shoved it under his leg muffling the sound slightly.
“Sorry.” Lauren mumbled. Eric shrugged and didn’t look at her, instead keeping his eyes on the road. “I need to stop at the courthouse first to fill out paperwork for an order of protection and get it filed. Then the doctor's office. That way if he figures out where I am they’re already ready for me. “
Lauren checked her phone for any messages not from Daniel and responded to any that needed it and then she turned it back off as they pulled up to the courthouse. Eric handed her his ball cap to hide her face and they casually walked in together. The security guard stopped her and she lifted her hat and faced him head on. He winced and gave her the floor she needed.
“I still haven’t looked, how bad is it?” Lauren asked as they waited for the elevator.
“It’s pretty bad. But it’s your face and it’s probably mostly swelling. “ Eric said without looking at her.
Lauren knew the clerk and judging by the look on her face she ought to hurry to the doctor’s office.
The doctor’s office was it’s own sort of hell. First, the receptionist didn’t want to send her straight back before the nurse came out. Second, Lauren had been in town long enough that she was paranoid every time someone walked in, which she felt she wouldn’t be if they had sent her back like they had discussed. By the time Odette the nurse came out Lauren was wired and Eric had to calm her down just to get her to walk back to the room.
The doctor came in and looked at her and sighed.
“He really got you this time.” Dr. Livingston said, checking the chart.
“I need pictures to add to the rest, I’ve started the proceedings for an OOP and I’d like to bring in all the pictures.”
“I’m glad to hear that. I’ll have Etta come in with the camera and give you copies to take with you so if they’re lost somehow you can get more from us. Then I’ll do an exam. Does he know where you are?”
“I’m not sure,Eric here has been driving me around and playing my bodyguard. I’d like to move as quickly as possible. I want to be out of town when he catches wind of the OOP.”
“I’ll have them let me know if he shows up.’
The pictures were as intrusive as ever. Etta smiled sympathetically as she helped Lauren tilt her head in different directions to catch every angle. After the pictures Dr. Livingston did a thorough exam and had an XRay done. Prescribed decent painkillers and did a few stitches on her forehead and somewhere in the back that Lauren hadn’t realized was cut up.
Daniel did show up so Eric and Lauren took off out the back and left, the office kept him busy and promised to give her a call as soon as he left. Eric dropped her off a block from her house to grab her things. Her truck was in the driveway. Lauren walked past it and into the house. Though she hadn’t checked the messages she had assumed that the house would be trashed from one of his fits but it wasn’t. She grabbed a few loose outfits and makeup. Glasses and medicine and a charger for a phone she was afraid to turn on. The office called to let her know he had left 2 minutes before. Her chest began to beat erratically. She couldn’t breathe.
“Notsafenotsafenotsafe.” She said to herself repeatedly to get her moving. She remembered to grab socks and real shoes, she even took extra time to get them on. The plan was to meet Eric 2 streets from the backyard in hopes of avoiding Daniel or someone that knew them and might tell Daniel who she had left with. Lauren locked the back door as she slipped out and was stopped by the next door woman who was entirely too nosey and judgemental. Grace had decided she didn’t like Lauren 20 some odd years ago when Grace had moved in. Daniel on the other hand, well she seemed to adore him. Daniel came over and mowed her yard for free and fixed her broken what the fuck ever was broken that day. Lauren knew for a fact that Grace fed Daniel information whether it was true or just some idea that Grace had gotten through her head.
“Well, what happened? Where are you headed then?” Grace asked quickly, trying to engage Lauren.
“Just a tumble and off to check something for The Jakobi's across the yard. See you later Grace.” Lauren kept walking trying to smile pleasantly.
“Oh wait, I need you to ask Danny to do something for me!” Grace hollered after Lauren, Lauren responded by running faster. Daniel’s truck roared around the corner so Lauren decided to take a different route that would involve going through the woods and meeting Eric somewhere else.
Adrenaline poured through Lauren and she put her all into it until she came out a mile up by the gas station. Lauren went inside and borrowed the landline there to call Eric to meet her at the trail head a little further on. She also bought an energy drink and chugged it before leaving. The rush made her eyes feel like they were going to pop out of her head and she laughed before running back into the woods. She imagined she must look like a mess with the backpack on and her short hair sticking everywhere with her eyes wild from the excess caffeine being chugged so quickly. Lauren kept herself going by imagining that she could hear his truck following her, that she could smell his cologne in the air behind her. Before she could stop herself she was hearing her footsteps and feeling the sensation of her head being pulled back and back into the bumper.
BAM bam BAM bam BAM bam BAM bam BAM bam BAM bam. By the time she had exploded off the trail and into the poorly kept parking lot she had completely forgotten what she was doing.
Lauren dropped her hands on her knees and panted heavily. It was Todd who threw his hands around her waist and held her steady. Lauren surprised herself by screaming and slapping at him before Todd could get her to come out of her stupor. Sobbing, she fell into his chest and bawled. She started crying about the day and then it was the day before and then the year and then her entire marriage and then it was the time her youngest daughter came home from her dad’s early and accused her of always being drunk and looking at her disgustedly. Then it was the divorce and the time she let their older daughter wear lipstick and her ex husband had smacked her in front of them and announced that Lauren was not in fact, the deciding parent on the rules in the house.
It was a very long time before Lauren was done crying. Her face hurt dully in the area that had been so intimate with the bumper, snot covered her cheeks and mouth from the futile wiping it with her sleeves. Her good eye was now also swollen and she could barely see through it now. She fell to her knees and then collapsed the rest of the way to the ground so that getting up was difficult because of how stiff she was now from the odd position. Lauren hobbled with Todd holding her upright to his truck. He went ahead and lifted her up into the seat and helped her buckle. Lauren was too tired to swat his hand away and do it herself. She just relaxed her body back in the seat and let herself try to doze.
They hit the dirt road leading to Eric’s house which woke her up again. She could see more out of her good eye and finally flipped the visor down and braced herself for the reflection she had been avoiding.
Half of her face was a mix of purple and blue, someone had said something about her cheekbone on the right being fractured a little, hey right eyebrow was not only swollen but split in the corner and a small stitch held it. Her right eye was a mix of colors and swollen shut, bruises ran down her jawline and she could see why Dr. Livingston had recommended admitting her to the hospital, Lauren herself might’ve considered it if she hadn't been terrified it would’ve made it easier for Daniel to find her and kill her. Lauren fingered her hair that was cut close to her head and tried to smooth some of the longer strands that had indeed started to poke out at different directions. The left side of her face red and blotchy from crying and it occurred to Lauren that she looked like a very fat bloated version of herself and for some reason it struck her as hysterical and she began to laugh until her stomach hurt and she was doubled over howling with laughter. Todd glanced at her and then the road, flipping back and forth between the road and Lauren. Lauren who had gone from a deep sadness to a manic laughter within a short period of time.
By the time they pulled up to Eric’s, Lauren was still laughing but had calmed a little. Todd patted her thigh and told her to stay put. To go warn Eric she presumed. When he came back he carried her from the car to the bed and Eric stood waiting with pills and water and more toast. Lauren did some concentrated breathing until she could swallow them without choking. The pills seemed to kick in immediately. Her face numbed much more than the ibuprofen had managed earlier. As her mind started to fade in and out Eric told her he had purchased her a new phone and had put her old numbers into her new phone in town and tossed the old phone.
A week later Lauren returned from town at the hearing where Daniel was served with a permanent Order Of Protection good for a year. While her face was still pretty fucked up, she was able to see out of both eyes now. The judge had seen her face and granted the order. Daniel had been arrested and would be held for awhile but she had stayed with Eric for a few more days so he could keep an eye on her mental state. Lauren was having trouble returning to her home, she had been placed on a sort of leave at work, Lauren was unsure if they could legally do that after a domestic assault but she wasn’t in the mindset to argue so she just gave up.
“You think you’re safe to go home tomorrow? “ Eric asked Lauren as they set up a fire outside.
“I think so. I don’t know if I really want to stay there anymore.” Lauren admitted. She stacked some more wood off to the side so they wouldn’t have to get back up as often.
“I have a friend who owns some cabins in the woods, he rents them out. There’s 12 or so I think, anyway he recently lost his caretaker and has been looking for someone who can stay up there year round and clean the cabins and handle the rentals. It pays well, obviously you have your own cabin to live in.” Eric passed her a joint that Lauren accepted.
“I’ll think about it.” Lauren said before breathing in and relaxing back into her camping chair and drifting away.
Lauren finished setting the table with her son, Greyson. Her daughters Cora and Audrey, were supposed to be here soon. Liam, Greyson’s 5 month old wailed from the living room and Lauren waved at Greyson to let her go tend to him. Lauren picked up the wailing baby and put her nose on top of his head, remembering the newborn smell. Her youngest was Audrey and she was 23. Liam settled as soon as he was picked up. Lauren thought of how much she was going to miss her grandkids. She lifted him up so she could blow on his baby tummy and he squealed with delight.
“I think the girls are pulling in now.” Greyson said coming in with a bottle. Liam caught sight of Daddy and his bottle and flailed toward them. Lauren handed her grandson to her own son and kissed his forehead.
“I am so proud of you. I don’t think I know any single dads who have their kids full time.” Lauren brushed Greysons hair from his forehead and smiled.
The girls came in, Audrey carrying Cora’s 3 year old son and then Cora behind her dragging an 8 year old girl whose eyes were locked on a tablet screen.
“Diana Renee, turn it off for a few minutes and walk. Jesus. You’re going to trip, say hi to grandma.” Cora said in a surly tone looking exhausted. Her face looked rounder and Lauren had a feeling Cora was pregnant again. She had the look and Lauren felt a pang that she wasn’t going to be around this time, and that she had already missed quite a bit of time. It hadn’t taken any of the kids long to catch onto Daniel being controlling and possessive and even though Lauren had argued for her kids being over every Sunday the children on their own had slowly found excuses to quit coming around the house.Not that Audrey had needed much push. For whatever reason Audrey and Lauren had never seen eye to eye. Lauren blamed her father but it was more than that too, a drive to be independent. Diana and Clayton hugged Lauren fiercely and she sat on the floor with them crawling on her while they told her anything interesting they could think of. The bruises on Lauren’s face had faded quite a bit but the kids kept looking at them without saying anything, biting their lips. Lauren assumed Cora had instructed them not to ask. Lauren had purposely waited to bring her kids over to make her announcement until her face looked better and wouldn’t scare anyone. After a while the kids ran out into the backyard to play.
“So is he really gone?” Audrey asked as the sliding door closed. Lauren sighed pretending not to notice the tone in her voice.
“Yes. He was arrested. The pictures I had taken at the doctor’s office helped. I know you guys weren’t impressed he was here as long as he was but I was working on it. “ That of course was a lie. She had snuck off to the doctors after he had beaten her and had it documented so that they would have a suspect if he killed her but the kids didn’t need to know that. At least this way they seemed to retain a little respect for their flakey mom who brought the evil villain into their lives.
“I’m just glad you’re safe mom. We were worried. Especially after you called me that night.” Cora said rocking Liam who was starting to doze off after his bottle.
“That’s why I called you guys over actually. After that happened I did some thinking. It’s just me in this big house and after everything that happened I decided to sell the house and move. I took a job the next state over up in the mountains. I’m a caretaker for cabins that get rented out to hunters and families, I’ll be living there.” Lauren smiled and started passing a brochure for the company and the area to each of her children.
“What the fuck mom? You can’t move, or at the very least you can’t sell the house. We grew up here.” Audrey said loudly, tears forming already. Lauren remembered the time her friends had all gone out for a girls weekend and Greyson had spiked a fever and Lauren had to stay home to take care of him, how suffocating it had felt to be their mother and have no life of her own. But the kids were in their twenties now, not little. They didn’t need her the same way.
“Eventually Daniel will be released and I would like to be gone when he is. I would like to live somewhere that I can make new, happier memories. You guys don’t need me as much and I’m only an hour away. I can still take grand kids when you need me and I’m not so far that I can’t come over for lunch. Plus I can offer you guys a pretty good discount in the off season. Imagine Christmas in the mountains and everyone has their own cabin to stay in instead of arguing over a bedroom.” Lauren said, hoping no one would note that it had been a very long time since anyone had spent the night here and they’d never really fought over space.
“I think it’s a good idea mom. We’ll miss the house but you’re right.” Cora said glaring at her sister. “You deserve to move forward.”
“I can help you move up there. Are you taking your furniture or is the furniture provided already? Is it safe up there? Who will come check on you? I don’t want something to happen to you and you’re stranded out there for days with no help. “ Greyson asked, looking concerned.
“I’m not sure, we can set up a system so you know I’m ok.” Lauren said pleased with her son’s concern. “As far as furniture, you guys can pick anything you want, I’m selling the rest. I’ll keep some of the dishes and my baking stuff. Plus the photograph albums, I’ll get rid of everything else.”
“Does Dad know?” Autumn asked accusingly.
“I haven’t told him, it’s really not any of his business. Nothing in this house belongs to him and his name hasn’t been on the house in at least 15 years.”
“This is our house too.” Audrey argued
“No it really isn’t anymore. You haven’t lived here in at least 5 years.”
“Audrey, chill, it’s not that big of a deal.” Cora warned. Lauren began to feel she was missing something.
“Well, you could rent it out to someone instead of getting rid of it. You could always use the extra income.” Audrey argued, looking around at everyone.
“I’d make a lot more money selling the house than I would renting it out. If there were a repair to be made I don’t want to be responsible. I’m too old to deal with all of that.” Lauren waved her hand around the house gesturing at the idea of all the work there would need to be done. “Besides someone has already made an offer, I’m fairly certain I’m going to accept it.”
“You can’t do that!”
“Yes, she can. Knock it off. She doesn’t want to live here all alone.” Greyson retorted.
The 3 of them argued together at each other and Lauren sank back into her recliner helplessly. A thought occurred to her.
“Audrey are you angry you’re losing a piece of your childhood or a piece of your inheritance?” Lauren asked icily. Audrey’s face turned red and Cora looked at the window desperate not to make eye contact. Greyson grabbed Liam and started fussing over him.”Ah. I see, and you all 3 have discussed it.”
“No, not exactly like that. Dad had a scare 2 years ago and he was faced with being put in a home for awhile. We didn’t know how he was going to pay for it, we talked about selling his house and that was sort of how it came up, renting instead of selling I mean.” Greyson muttered.
“Not to keep it until he died so the money or the house went to us, but to protect him. We naturally discussed you as well and different scenarios. Then when we started to really worry Daniel was going to kill you, we were worried about him taking possession of the house and everything in it.” Cora explained a little more. “Obviously all THREE of us want you to do what makes you feel the happiest and safest.”
Audrey stared at the wall.
“I have a lot of happy memories here of all 3 of you. I brought you all home from the hospital through that door. I nursed you all back to health when you were sick and sang you lullabies in this room. I listened to you talk about your days in the kitchen, and when your dad moved out we all sat in my room with the big TV and watched movies all day because he wasn’t here to tell us it was wrong. I potty trained you all in the bathrooms here. I taught you to walk and speak here.” Lauren wiped at her eyes remembering them running through. “But over there in that corner was where your dad smacked me because I told Cora she could wear lipstick. And I was standing on the stairs when he came out of the bedroom with his suitcase in hand, telling me he was leaving. It was in the kitchen where I got the call that my mother died. That was the door frame Daniel's son leaned against as he held me up while Daniel pummeled my midsection until I decided that I didn’t want him to move out after all. I just want to start over. I’m allowed to do that. I gave my entire life to raise you guys and no one worked harder than me to keep us afloat. My time is now and I’m taking it. “

Hello everyone, sorry for the provocative title. RDR2 is by no means a shitty game, but it has so many glaring issues to the point that I really don’t understand the rave reviews. I had much more pleasure playing RDR1. So, I’d like to not just complain but be constructive by pointing out what Rockstar should do regarding the sequel.

Realism

There is some schizophrenia in RDR2 regarding realism. I had to check on the internet many times if I was missing something.
An animal carcass carried on your horse will decay BUT any raw meat you keep in your satchel will last perpetually.
You have to click twice for firing with a single action revolver BUT you didn’t have to if you were dual-wielding. And why cock the hammer and pull the trigger with the same button ? This is completely unintuitive.
You can carry more ammo by getting ammo pouches, BUT you still keep the increased capacity if you unequip the pouches.
There is a long animation to loot a body, BUT ammos are magically teleported in your inventory when you walk on it. And no animation if you change your outfit.
Baits don't make animals magically appear out of nowhere like in RDR1. But if an animal is nearby, why bother with baits ? Maybe you should be able to set up traps.
I was robbed in Saint Denis, I tried a warning shot to stop the thief and I got my ass wanted instead.
Your horse is blind, it shouldn't collide onto trees that much.
The wanted system is completely f***** up. In a game that allows you to wear masks and many disguises, you’re completely unable to hide your identity. Lawmen now have gps and will pinpoint you extremely quickly each time you try to rob a train.
Realism feels too much like a beta testing at times. Rockstar should have made things more intuitive and coherent. Make some "realistic" features optionnal in the settings. Maybe put some tutorial prompts that prevent you from making a mistake the first time.

Graphics

Graphics RDR2 are almost perfect, except maybe some rock textures that aren’t very good. RDR2 is a really beautiful game.

Music

Excellent. The sound effects are very well done.

Story

Very good, but linear Seems more fitted for a movie or a tv show than to an open world game.

Weapons

I find silly that some guns don’t have their real-life name and have some differences. The Lancaster is obviously a Winchester modified with an octagonal barrel.
Regarding customization, the game doesn’t allow you to fully replicate guns with basic finishes that are still sold nowadays. There is no hardened steel finish, and that’s a huge oversight. Some components are missing, the cattleman (colt 1873) frame should have been split into three : the frame, the trigger guard and the backstrap.
Ammos don’t make sense in this game. First keep their real name. Instead of ludicrously having a bunch of ammos types for the same gun, you should have several ammos types for the same kind of gun. You should have revolvers with different calibers. For the same gun , there should be no more than regular ammo, explosive rounds and maybe hollow point. Why not a regular and a special ammo for each gun, that would make each gun more unique.

PC port

Keybinding if you play with keyboard and mouse is infuriating. You can bind each individual action to a button, but you have no idea which actions can be stacked on the same button. Why not have an easy set up prompt, where you choose the equivalent of each controller button : mouse left click for right trigger, mouse right click for left trigger etc. This would have made things so much easier.
And add auto aim with mouse, but only at the moment you draw the gun from your holster. Controller users are quicker to react when they are ambushed.

Inventory management

Why can’t I have more than five cans of apricots while I still can have both 5 cans of apricots and 5 cans of corned beef ? Why can’t I be a vegan cowboy ?
Jokes aside, the inventory amount system is silly and not realistic. Item amount should be limited by weight and/or encumbrance. Some items types shouldn’t be mandatory, and players should make choices about what to keep and what to leave. Don’t force player to eat all the time and instead make items optional and useful.
Bring back the health system from RDR1. Food don’t heal you in real life, food prevent you from dying of hunger. Some tonics in RDR2 are even more powerful than some potions in The Witcher 3.
Allow fast travel on horse from anywhere peaceful at the cost of eating something.
You should keep cigars in you damn mouth instead of throwing them up just after lighting. Tobacco and tonics should work as a buff for a few minutes.
You should be able to loot guns from enemies to sell them.

Gameplay loop

The main gameplay loop hasn’t really changed since GTA 3.
While the story is great, it is fitting to a more linear game. There’s plenty of things you can do between missions that will completely contradict the plot. Missions in this kind of open world should be more open-ended, leaving more room for the player to be creative.
This game need more side content. The open world is too empty, I'm not talking about the technical aspect or the rich details, its gameplay value is too low. The world is probably too big, the inclusion of New Austin is barely justified.
There should be a karma meter and a reputation meter. And both should impact the gameplay and the plot in a clever way. Why are some outfits locked behind honor requirement ? What’s the point of robbing if you can’t just buy everything ?
Also, the game is very tedious for the sake of it :

• Setting up camp to enable fast travel doesn’t make sense, in order to go you have to stop ?!
• When sleeping, there should be an option to auto clean the guns and maybe auto craft.
• Regarding shaving and hair trimming, you should use the shaving kit not just to tediously shave each day. You should have an option to set a targeted beard and haircut length, with auto trimming while sleeping.
• Briefly push the button to insta-loot, hold the button if you want visual realism.
• And please, no more gated challenges.

In conclusion, I’d say RDR2 is not a realistic game, there are some realistic aspects while still having some very video-gamey features at the cost of arbitrary tediousness.
This tediousness is often there on purpose because the game designers don't want you to play a certain way. They don't want you to get easy money, they don't want you to fast travel, they don't want you to miss the little details. But what about freedom ? What about enjoyment ?
RDR2 doesn’t know what it wants to be. A linear narrative game or an open world ? A realistic survival game ? A simulation ? A role-playing game ? The game design feels disjointed at best.
Rockstar focused too much on details and new features while neglecting the cohesion of the bigger picture. I don’t want to play just another cowboy GTA 3 with outstanding graphics, horses that shit and coffee brewing.
Rockstar wanted to make the greatest open world of yesterday whereas they should have made the open world of tomorrow. They should have left their comfort zone instead of making an ego trip game.

On the third Saturday of every month, Mary-Ann, a single mother navigating life post-divorce, embraced a routine that carved out quality time with her 11-year-old son, Gary. The day's weather, while slightly overcast, spared them from the oppressive summer heat, providing a welcome respite following the recent thunderstorms. Mary-Ann hopped into her black SUV, picked up Gary from his father’s place, and drove to their familiar spot: a cozy pastry shop within the bustling mall. En route to the shop, Gary enjoyed playing with his mom's smartphone.
Meanwhile, Bill, a grandfather, had his bi-weekly schedule to visit his five grandchildren, and today was the day. Excited about seeing them, he hopped into his favorite white Slingshot SL motorcycle, a sporty two-seater 3-wheeler. The cloud hung overhead, but it was less humid. Bill, optimistic and feeling great, thought about the gifts he'd bought—from chocolate bars to lollipops to action figures to barbie dolls. He imagined his grandchildren eagerly gathering around him, eyes and mouths wide open as they grabbed and unwrapped their gifts. As he hit the road before noon, he couldn't help but wish for more money. The idea of selling his motorcycle for $15,000 crossed his mind. This could fund a special trip to Disney World in California for his entire family: a trip he had always wanted. Lost in thought, Bill's mind drifted away, oblivious to the imminent presence of the SUV's grille directly in his path.
Mary-Ann paced the emergency department waiting room. She regretted overreacting to the sound, while lost in thought about the mall and all the potential gossips she was going to hear about her ex-husband's love affairs from his naive son. Now, with the man in the operating room possibly facing death, she feared the worst—would she be charged with murder? If only Gary had listened, refraining from playing that stupid fireworks game on her phone.
In the waiting room, Gary sat hunched over, chin nearly touching his chest. He regretted not heeding his father's advice before stepping into his mother’s car.
"Don't use your mom's phone to play games while she's driving. Especially games that sound like fireworks." Advice too late to heed now.
Gary remembered a similar incident from when he was five years old. It was on July 4th at the city’s largest park. After an amazing fireworks display, he and his father had returned home. Excited, he rushed inside the house to tell his mother about the fireworks and the parade. However, upon entering inside, he found the house in total darkness. Calling out for his mother yielded no response. Then, his father tapped his shoulder. "Check our closet."
He hurried into his parents’ closet, finding it in total darkness as well. Switching on the light, he discovered his mother lying flat on the floor with a pillow over her head.
"Mom! Mom! Are you okay? Are you sick? What happened to you?"
Right behind, his father tapped his shoulders again and whispered. "She's afraid of fireworks because it reminds her of gunshots back in Africa."
Gary lamented. If only he hadn't clicked on the fireworks game. They would have been at the mall, enjoying his favorites — slices of caramel pecan silk supreme pie and chocolate mousse cake, and ice cream with mini Oreos topping.
"Hey, buddy. How are you holding up?”
Two uniformed officers appeared before Gary.
Gary looked up and immediately recognized the short and muscular red-haired officer, identifying him as the first responder who was first to arrive at the scene and radio for the ambulance.
“I'm Officer Michael, and my partner here is Jack.”
“What's your name, little man?” A fat and taller officer shot out his pudgy hand at Gary.
“My name is Gary sir,” Gary stuttered, taking a hold of Officer Jack’s chunky sweaty palm and barely able to shake it.
"You did a great job on that man,” Officer Michael said. “If you hadn't performed CPR and tilted his chin upward, something terrible might have happened for sure. You saved his life, young man. Where did you learn to do that?”
"Sixth-grade health class," Gary replied in a low undertone. "I couldn't do mouth-to-mouth breathing because I didn't have a mask."
“Well, what you did was excellent,” Officer Jack remarked.
“Will he be okay?” Gary asked.
“The old man?”
Gary nodded.
Officer Jack sighed, wiping his forehead. "We don't know yet, still waiting to hear from the doctor."
Mary-Ann noticed two officers talking to her son and walked over, hoping to interrupt and possibly take her mind off the gunshots. She felt remorse for her past fear leading to this predicament, recalling an incident from Africa two decades ago.
"So what happened to the old man on the sidewalk?" Officer Michael asked Gary.
“I don’t know,” Gary said. “I remember seeing my mom spinning the steering wheel like out of control and then I felt a big bang before the car stopped…Mom screamed and put her head on the steering wheel. I looked in front and saw an old man lying on the sidewalk.”
Gary found himself biting his nails, the rhythmic tap offering a subtle distraction. Beside him, his mom and her hollow breaths, audible with each response to the officer’s questions, only heightened the tension. Standing there, he momentarily forgot the usual anticipation of her disapproval—a quick, sharp slap on his hand when caught nibbling. Regardless, he sensed she was in no mood to react, resembling the deer frozen in front of their headlights that they almost hit one time on a road trip to Grandma’s in Chicago.
“Is that all?” Officer Michael asked.
Gary hesitated, now wrestling with the vivid images flashing through his mind. The accident played on a loop — the old man lying motionless on the sidewalk. That reality was stark and real, far different from the countless dead bodies he had seen in movies.
And then there was his mom's incessant trembling and piercing screams echoing, before and after the crash. He had never in his life seen anything like that from her. It was like she was a different person, a person he decided early on not to reveal to the police officers. He regretted not heeding his father’s advice and playing that stupid game.
“Is that all?” Officer Michael repeated, his gaze fixating on the 11 year old boy’s furrowed brow.
Gary gulped, accidentally swallowing the nail fragments he had chewed off. With his voice a mere whisper, “I don't remember much else. Everything happened so fast. It was like —”
Officer Jack placed a reassuring hand on Gary's shoulder. "It's alright buddy. You’re not in any trouble. We just need to understand what happened."
Mary-Ann stood by her son’s side, feeling a mixture of anxiety, guilt and anger. Anger mostly.
“Where are the rebels coming from, behind us or in front of us!” she remembered yelling at her startled son upon hearing the sound of fireworks from the phone.
“That’s the sound of an M16; the rebels have captured this area! Woa Yo!” Mary-Ann’s voice raged.
“What rebels, Mom?” Gary asked, tears welling in his eyes. “There’s no one here.”
“They block the street, so we won’t be able to get out of here! Over my old Pa’s dead body!”
Mary-Ann pressed her foot harder on the pedal, accelerating the SUV 30 miles per hour over the 65 posted speed limit.
“Mom!” Gary called out in plea to his mother but her eyes did not look at him.
Like a bull zeroing in on its target, Mary-Ann focused on the nearing barricade. One way or another, she was going to break through, for her son’s sake. She was not going to allow any rebels to take him. If death was the outcome, then it would be a much better alternative.
“Hold tight Gary!” she shrieked.
“Mommy, stop please!”
Gary's cries escalated into full-on wailing. Mary-Ann, unfazed, continued driving, her eyes fixed on the road ahead.
As she barreled towards her target, a sudden sun ray shot across the windshield, catching her off guard. With little time to react, she lifted her hand in a feeble attempt to shield her face.
In that fleeting moment, straining to see through the glaring light, Mary-Ann caught sight of a white metallic object hurtling towards her.
“Shit!” she exclaimed, her grip tightening on the steering wheel. With a surge of adrenaline, she turned it with all her strength, desperately trying to veer away from the impending collision.
"Ma'am, can you tell us what happened leading up to the accident?"
“Ma’am?”
“Ma’am?”
“Huh,” Mary-Ann said. “Who said that?”
Officer Michael waved his hand in front of Mary-Ann. “Ma’am, are you alright? I kind of lost you there for a minute.”
“Where’s my son!” Mary-Ann looked around frantically.
“He’s fine,” Officer Michael said, letting out a chuckle before pointing his finger in the direction of the hospital’s vending machines.
There Gary was eating a large cookie and engrossed in a stack of cards held by Officer Jack.
“This one right here is my favorite baseball player,” Officer Jack could be overheard saying.
She looked at her son and could not help but feel proud. He was growing and looking more and more like his 6'3" father. Most importantly, he was maturing and becoming a MAN. The accident was proof of this. If it was not for him, she was sure she would have been in much more trouble, maybe even in handcuffs. No…likely in handcuffs. She wished she could turn back time.
“Oh God,” Mary-Ann groaned, her forehead resting on the steering wheel.
Gary unclasped his seatbelt and leaned forward, peering beyond their SUV's cracked windshield and dented hood. He could make out what appeared to be a white car, completely mangled at the front. It was not an ordinary car though. It had three wheels, reminiscent of that tricycle car he saw once in a commercial.
Gary called out to his mother, who was now rubbing her head on the steering wheel. “Mom. Mom. You okay?” His eyes scanned past his mother and stopped on a figure lying face up on the sidewalk.
Mary-Ann lifted her head slowly from the steering wheel, awakened by the creak of the car door. She glanced at the empty front seat, noticing the ajar door.
Wrapping both hands around her mouth, Mary-Ann’s thoughts raced. “God, what did I do?”
Before panic could settle in, she began to hear that familiar and innocent squeaky voice. She turned to her left side and saw her son kneeling down. He was talking to a man, lying still on the sidewalk.
Wide-eyed, Mary-Ann flung her door open and ran towards her son
"Gary, we need to go! We can't stay here!" she pleaded.
But Gary remained resolute, his focus on the unconscious man. "I can't just leave him, Mom. He needs help."
"Gary!" Mary-Ann screamed, extending a bruised arm, fingers rattling. She looked in the direction where they were heading and saw nothing. Not a car in sight, pedestrian, barricade or rebels for that matter.
“We can’t stay,” Mary-Ann continued her plea. “Please son get in the — ”
“I can't Mom,” Gary said, meeting her gaze. Streams of tears marked his face. “I have to do something.”
Turning back to the man, Gary placed the heel of his hand on the center of the chest and pressed down firmly, allowing the chest to recoil between compressions. He counted each compression in his mind, just as he did on the manikin in health class.
“Mom, call 911!” Gary’s voice quivered with urgency.
Mary-Ann stood still, her gaze shifting between her son and the unconscious man.
Gary continued the compressions, pausing once to tilt the man's head back slightly before resuming. His hands moving with determined purpose.
Tears blurred Mary-Ann's vision as she watched her son's hands methodically pressing down on the stranger's chest. Each compression tightened the knot in her throat. Helplessness gripped her heart, but beneath it, a surge of pride welled up.
She failed to notice the arrival of the police cruiser behind until a short red-haired officer rushed past, urgently radioing for an ambulance.
Gary, his face streaked with tears, looked up at the officer with desperation and relief. The man remained unresponsive despite his efforts.
The officer swiftly took over, instructing Gary to move back, while distant sirens heralded the coming arrival of the ambulance.
“Ms. Brown.” “Ms. Brown.”
The voice of Officer Michael jolted Mary-Ann. The sound of her married name still unsettled her. She had opted to keep it. “Brown” was much easier on the American tongue than her African maiden name. Plus, it opened a lot more doors to employment and career progression, as had advised by a successful lawyer relative in DC.
“Sorry Mr. Officer,” Mary-Ann said, wiping her face with both hands.
"We appreciate both you and your son staying put after getting discharged. Thankfully, he's alright, and your injury is minor." Officer Michael pointed to Mary-Ann’s bandaged arm.
Mary-Ann looked at her bandaged right arm. True, she and Gary were lucky to be alive, more so Gary for not having a single scratch. She did not know how she could have forgiven herself if something was to happen to him. A swollen arm is a far better price to pay.
“Ms. Brown,” Officer Michael persisted. “We just need to understand what transpired today. Can you walk me through the events?”
Mary-Ann gulped and hesitated. It was a quarter past 6 pm and hunger was starting to gnaw at her. The image of making Gary's favorite dinner, lasagna with lots of cheese, flashed in her mind. She and Gary would have stuffed their bellies by now and topped it off with butter pecan ice cream on the couch and his kiddy movie. Would have if she had not overreacted.
“Ms. Brown?”
Mary-Ann took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves. “Well, Officer, we were driv—”
“Officer.”
A doctor had appeared. He had several bag lines underneath his eyes and a couple of brown stains on his supposed white coat. “Officer, may I have a word with you?”
“Can you sit tight for a few?” Officer Michael said, pointing to one of the waiting room chairs.
Mary-Ann nodded and did as she was told. She was then joined by Gary, who hugged her non-injured shoulder.
Officer Michael, now accompanied by a wheezing Officer Jack, who had hurried back from the vending machines, redirected his focus to the haggard looking doctor.
“How is he doc?” Officer Michael inquired.
“He’s stable,” the doctor said. “But we are going to keep him overnight for observation.”
“Stable as in?”
The doctor flipped open a brown clipboard he was carrying and started to read from it. “The X-ray result shows no major issue. He has a couple of bruises on his back but nothing serio—”
“Wow, really?” Officer Jack interjected, scratching his blonde buzz haircut. “Tough SOB.”
The doctor continued, slightly annoyed, "As I said, nothing serious, except he complained of pain in both legs. Hence, we want to prescribe him some heavy painkillers and keep him overnight for observation."
“Can we see him to ask him a couple of questions?” Officer Michael asked.
“By all means,” the doctor said, not looking from his clipboard.
“Officers!” the doctor shouted, just as Officers Michael and Jack were enroute to the last room in the dimly lit hallway.
“Yeeess,” said Officer Michael, turning around.
The doctor pointed to a standard white dial clock above the nurses’ front help desk. “Be aware that I want to give the painkillers to Mr. Ferguson very soon, no later than 30 minutes from now.”
“We will do our best,” Officer Jack said, saluting.
“30 minutes TOPS.”
“Mr. Ferguson, are you feeling okay?” Officer Michael asked, checking the time on the EKG machine. Ten minutes had elapsed, and their attempts with the bald, freckled-faced old man proved fruitless. Like the woman before, the old man remained unresponsive, staring into space until either he or Officer Jack nudged him back to reality.
“Mr. Ferguson?” Officer Michael asked again, massaging his forehead.
“Please call me Bill,” Bill said. “I don’t like ‘Mister this’ or ‘Mister that.’ Everybody calls me ‘Bill’.”
“Okay, Bill.” “Can you—”
"Can you tell us what happened today that got you to the emergency room?" Officer Jack said with a brisk and demanding tone.
“Well, I was in an accident,” Bill said.
“Can you be more—”
Officer Michael patted Officer Jack on the shoulder, who then got up and walked out of the hospital room.
As he walked past Officer Michael, a muffled “asshole” escaped his breath.
Bill grinned. “Your partner is a real peach, ain’t he.”
“My apologies, it’s been a long day,” Officer Michael said, eyes darting at the EKG’s time. 15 minutes left before they have to call it quits. “Bill, you said you were in an accident. Let’s go back a bit. What happened leading up to the accident?”
Bill leaned back, tapping his fingers on the hospital bed rail. "Well, I was driving along Sanford Rd, coming from where the mall is. I was taking gifts to my grandkids, which, by the way, I realized I have not called them yet since getting in this predicament. They and my kids must be worried sick!"
Bill attempted to get up, eyeing a wall-mounted phone near the hospital room bathroom.
"Woah, woah, Bill," Officer Michael intervened, hands in front of the anxious old man. "Take it easy. Take it easy. We can call your family as soon as we finish. It won’t be long, I promise."
Officer Michael stole a quick glance at the EKG machine. “Damnit!” Neither him nor Officer Jack wanted to continue this investigation into the next day. Certainly, not on their day off. Additionally, they still had to interview the woman, and such a feat wouldn’t be straightforward, based on initial interactions.
Bill reclined back and took a deep breath. “Okay, but I have to call them afterwards. ASAP.”
“Don’t worry, I will personally make sure of it. Let’s circle back. You said you were coming from the direction of the mall. Did you see any vehicles around you?”
Bill shook his head. "Nope. Just me and the open road. I didn't see that SUV coming at all."
Officer Michael exchanged glances with a red faced Officer Jack, who had re-entered the room.
“Okay, let’s talk about the accident then. What can you tell us about it?”
“Well, I’m not really sure exactly, but all I remembered was being hit and the next thing I knew I was in the air looking at the clouds before I blacked out.”
“Did you notice anything unusual before the collision or before ‘being hit’?”
Bill scratched his head, his freckled face furrowed in concentration. "Honestly, Officers, it's all a blur. I can't remember anything specific."
Officer Jack muttered something under his breath, causing both Officer Michael and Bill to crack a smile.
"Your partner seems a bit on edge, Officer," Bill said.
Officer Michael waved his right hand in dismissal. “Let get back.”
“Look Officer, all I know is that I was driving and the double yellow was on my right when I got hit.”
“Double yellow?”
“The double yellow line.”
Officer Michael recalled the Slingshot motorcycle and its crushed bumper facing the SUV when he arrived at the scene: Bill lying unconscious as the 11-year old boy performed CPR on him.
“That SUV was on the wrong side of the road when it hit me,” explained Bill, wagging his index finger in the air. “Whoever was driving it that hit me must have been on towards oncoming traffic. The double yellow was on my right. I remember that for a fact.”
Officers Michael and Jack looked at one another.
Officer Michael drew out a pen and a small notebook from his uniform pocket.
“Let us get this clearly,” he said, clicking the pen. “You are saying that the double yellow line on the road was on your RIGHT side when you got hit?”
“YES. SIR”
/The Accident. By West African writer Josephine Dean./

On the third Saturday of every month, Mary-Ann, a single mother navigating life post-divorce, embraced a routine that carved out quality time with her 11-year-old son, Gary. The day's weather, while slightly overcast, spared them from the oppressive summer heat, providing a welcome respite following the recent thunderstorms. Mary-Ann hopped into her black SUV, picked up Gary from his father’s place, and drove to their familiar spot: a cozy pastry shop within the bustling mall. En route to the shop, Gary enjoyed playing with his mom's smartphone.
Meanwhile, Bill, a grandfather, had his bi-weekly schedule to visit his five grandchildren, and today was the day. Excited about seeing them, he hopped into his favorite white Slingshot SL motorcycle, a sporty two-seater 3-wheeler. The cloud hung overhead, but it was less humid. Bill, optimistic and feeling great, thought about the gifts he'd bought—from chocolate bars to lollipops to action figures to barbie dolls. He imagined his grandchildren eagerly gathering around him, eyes and mouths wide open as they grabbed and unwrapped their gifts. As he hit the road before noon, he couldn't help but wish for more money. The idea of selling his motorcycle for $15,000 crossed his mind. This could fund a special trip to Disney World in California for his entire family: a trip he had always wanted. Lost in thought, Bill's mind drifted away, oblivious to the imminent presence of the SUV's grille directly in his path.
Mary-Ann paced the emergency department waiting room. She regretted overreacting to the sound, while lost in thought about the mall and all the potential gossips she was going to hear about her ex-husband's love affairs from his naive son. Now, with the man in the operating room possibly facing death, she feared the worst—would she be charged with murder? If only Gary had listened, refraining from playing that stupid fireworks game on her phone.
In the waiting room, Gary sat hunched over, chin nearly touching his chest. He regretted not heeding his father's advice before stepping into his mother’s car.
"Don't use your mom's phone to play games while she's driving. Especially games that sound like fireworks." Advice too late to heed now.
Gary remembered a similar incident from when he was five years old. It was on July 4th at the city’s largest park. After an amazing fireworks display, he and his father had returned home. Excited, he rushed inside the house to tell his mother about the fireworks and the parade. However, upon entering inside, he found the house in total darkness. Calling out for his mother yielded no response. Then, his father tapped his shoulder. "Check our closet."
He hurried into his parents’ closet, finding it in total darkness as well. Switching on the light, he discovered his mother lying flat on the floor with a pillow over her head.
"Mom! Mom! Are you okay? Are you sick? What happened to you?"
Right behind, his father tapped his shoulders again and whispered. "She's afraid of fireworks because it reminds her of gunshots back in Africa."
Gary lamented. If only he hadn't clicked on the fireworks game. They would have been at the mall, enjoying his favorites — slices of caramel pecan silk supreme pie and chocolate mousse cake, and ice cream with mini Oreos topping.
"Hey, buddy. How are you holding up?”
Two uniformed officers appeared before Gary.
Gary looked up and immediately recognized the short and muscular red-haired officer, identifying him as the first responder who was first to arrive at the scene and radio for the ambulance.
“I'm Officer Michael, and my partner here is Jack.”
“What's your name, little man?” A fat and taller officer shot out his pudgy hand at Gary.
“My name is Gary sir,” Gary stuttered, taking a hold of Officer Jack’s chunky sweaty palm and barely able to shake it.
"You did a great job on that man,” Officer Michael said. “If you hadn't performed CPR and tilted his chin upward, something terrible might have happened for sure. You saved his life, young man. Where did you learn to do that?”
"Sixth-grade health class," Gary replied in a low undertone. "I couldn't do mouth-to-mouth breathing because I didn't have a mask."
“Well, what you did was excellent,” Officer Jack remarked.
“Will he be okay?” Gary asked.
“The old man?”
Gary nodded.
Officer Jack sighed, wiping his forehead. "We don't know yet, still waiting to hear from the doctor."
Mary-Ann noticed two officers talking to her son and walked over, hoping to interrupt and possibly take her mind off the gunshots. She felt remorse for her past fear leading to this predicament, recalling an incident from Africa two decades ago.
"So what happened to the old man on the sidewalk?" Officer Michael asked Gary.
“I don’t know,” Gary said. “I remember seeing my mom spinning the steering wheel like out of control and then I felt a big bang before the car stopped…Mom screamed and put her head on the steering wheel. I looked in front and saw an old man lying on the sidewalk.”
Gary found himself biting his nails, the rhythmic tap offering a subtle distraction. Beside him, his mom and her hollow breaths, audible with each response to the officer’s questions, only heightened the tension. Standing there, he momentarily forgot the usual anticipation of her disapproval—a quick, sharp slap on his hand when caught nibbling. Regardless, he sensed she was in no mood to react, resembling the deer frozen in front of their headlights that they almost hit one time on a road trip to Grandma’s in Chicago.
“Is that all?” Officer Michael asked.
Gary hesitated, now wrestling with the vivid images flashing through his mind. The accident played on a loop — the old man lying motionless on the sidewalk. That reality was stark and real, far different from the countless dead bodies he had seen in movies.
And then there was his mom's incessant trembling and piercing screams echoing, before and after the crash. He had never in his life seen anything like that from her. It was like she was a different person, a person he decided early on not to reveal to the police officers. He regretted not heeding his father’s advice and playing that stupid game.
“Is that all?” Officer Michael repeated, his gaze fixating on the 11 year old boy’s furrowed brow.
Gary gulped, accidentally swallowing the nail fragments he had chewed off. With his voice a mere whisper, “I don't remember much else. Everything happened so fast. It was like —”
Officer Jack placed a reassuring hand on Gary's shoulder. "It's alright buddy. You’re not in any trouble. We just need to understand what happened."
Mary-Ann stood by her son’s side, feeling a mixture of anxiety, guilt and anger. Anger mostly.
“Where are the rebels coming from, behind us or in front of us!” she remembered yelling at her startled son upon hearing the sound of fireworks from the phone.
“That’s the sound of an M16; the rebels have captured this area! Woa Yo!” Mary-Ann’s voice raged.
“What rebels, Mom?” Gary asked, tears welling in his eyes. “There’s no one here.”
“They block the street, so we won’t be able to get out of here! Over my old Pa’s dead body!”
Mary-Ann pressed her foot harder on the pedal, accelerating the SUV 30 miles per hour over the 65 posted speed limit.
“Mom!” Gary called out in plea to his mother but her eyes did not look at him.
Like a bull zeroing in on its target, Mary-Ann focused on the nearing barricade. One way or another, she was going to break through, for her son’s sake. She was not going to allow any rebels to take him. If death was the outcome, then it would be a much better alternative.
“Hold tight Gary!” she shrieked.
“Mommy, stop please!”
Gary's cries escalated into full-on wailing. Mary-Ann, unfazed, continued driving, her eyes fixed on the road ahead.
As she barreled towards her target, a sudden sun ray shot across the windshield, catching her off guard. With little time to react, she lifted her hand in a feeble attempt to shield her face.
In that fleeting moment, straining to see through the glaring light, Mary-Ann caught sight of a white metallic object hurtling towards her.
“Shit!” she exclaimed, her grip tightening on the steering wheel. With a surge of adrenaline, she turned it with all her strength, desperately trying to veer away from the impending collision.
"Ma'am, can you tell us what happened leading up to the accident?"
“Ma’am?”
“Ma’am?”
“Huh,” Mary-Ann said. “Who said that?”
Officer Michael waved his hand in front of Mary-Ann. “Ma’am, are you alright? I kind of lost you there for a minute.”
“Where’s my son!” Mary-Ann looked around frantically.
“He’s fine,” Officer Michael said, letting out a chuckle before pointing his finger in the direction of the hospital’s vending machines.
There Gary was eating a large cookie and engrossed in a stack of cards held by Officer Jack.
“This one right here is my favorite baseball player,” Officer Jack could be overheard saying.
She looked at her son and could not help but feel proud. He was growing and looking more and more like his 6'3" father. Most importantly, he was maturing and becoming a MAN. The accident was proof of this. If it was not for him, she was sure she would have been in much more trouble, maybe even in handcuffs. No…likely in handcuffs. She wished she could turn back time.
“Oh God,” Mary-Ann groaned, her forehead resting on the steering wheel.
Gary unclasped his seatbelt and leaned forward, peering beyond their SUV's cracked windshield and dented hood. He could make out what appeared to be a white car, completely mangled at the front. It was not an ordinary car though. It had three wheels, reminiscent of that tricycle car he saw once in a commercial.
Gary called out to his mother, who was now rubbing her head on the steering wheel. “Mom. Mom. You okay?” His eyes scanned past his mother and stopped on a figure lying face up on the sidewalk.
Mary-Ann lifted her head slowly from the steering wheel, awakened by the creak of the car door. She glanced at the empty front seat, noticing the ajar door.
Wrapping both hands around her mouth, Mary-Ann’s thoughts raced. “God, what did I do?”
Before panic could settle in, she began to hear that familiar and innocent squeaky voice. She turned to her left side and saw her son kneeling down. He was talking to a man, lying still on the sidewalk.
Wide-eyed, Mary-Ann flung her door open and ran towards her son
"Gary, we need to go! We can't stay here!" she pleaded.
But Gary remained resolute, his focus on the unconscious man. "I can't just leave him, Mom. He needs help."
"Gary!" Mary-Ann screamed, extending a bruised arm, fingers rattling. She looked in the direction where they were heading and saw nothing. Not a car in sight, pedestrian, barricade or rebels for that matter.
“We can’t stay,” Mary-Ann continued her plea. “Please son get in the — ”
“I can't Mom,” Gary said, meeting her gaze. Streams of tears marked his face. “I have to do something.”
Turning back to the man, Gary placed the heel of his hand on the center of the chest and pressed down firmly, allowing the chest to recoil between compressions. He counted each compression in his mind, just as he did on the manikin in health class.
“Mom, call 911!” Gary’s voice quivered with urgency.
Mary-Ann stood still, her gaze shifting between her son and the unconscious man.
Gary continued the compressions, pausing once to tilt the man's head back slightly before resuming. His hands moving with determined purpose.
Tears blurred Mary-Ann's vision as she watched her son's hands methodically pressing down on the stranger's chest. Each compression tightened the knot in her throat. Helplessness gripped her heart, but beneath it, a surge of pride welled up.
She failed to notice the arrival of the police cruiser behind until a short red-haired officer rushed past, urgently radioing for an ambulance.
Gary, his face streaked with tears, looked up at the officer with desperation and relief. The man remained unresponsive despite his efforts.
The officer swiftly took over, instructing Gary to move back, while distant sirens heralded the coming arrival of the ambulance.
“Ms. Brown.” “Ms. Brown.”
The voice of Officer Michael jolted Mary-Ann. The sound of her married name still unsettled her. She had opted to keep it. “Brown” was much easier on the American tongue than her African maiden name. Plus, it opened a lot more doors to employment and career progression, as had advised by a successful lawyer relative in DC.
“Sorry Mr. Officer,” Mary-Ann said, wiping her face with both hands.
"We appreciate both you and your son staying put after getting discharged. Thankfully, he's alright, and your injury is minor." Officer Michael pointed to Mary-Ann’s bandaged arm.
Mary-Ann looked at her bandaged right arm. True, she and Gary were lucky to be alive, more so Gary for not having a single scratch. She did not know how she could have forgiven herself if something was to happen to him. A swollen arm is a far better price to pay.
“Ms. Brown,” Officer Michael persisted. “We just need to understand what transpired today. Can you walk me through the events?”
Mary-Ann gulped and hesitated. It was a quarter past 6 pm and hunger was starting to gnaw at her. The image of making Gary's favorite dinner, lasagna with lots of cheese, flashed in her mind. She and Gary would have stuffed their bellies by now and topped it off with butter pecan ice cream on the couch and his kiddy movie. Would have if she had not overreacted.
“Ms. Brown?”
Mary-Ann took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves. “Well, Officer, we were driv—”
“Officer.”
A doctor had appeared. He had several bag lines underneath his eyes and a couple of brown stains on his supposed white coat. “Officer, may I have a word with you?”
“Can you sit tight for a few?” Officer Michael said, pointing to one of the waiting room chairs.
Mary-Ann nodded and did as she was told. She was then joined by Gary, who hugged her non-injured shoulder.
Officer Michael, now accompanied by a wheezing Officer Jack, who had hurried back from the vending machines, redirected his focus to the haggard looking doctor.
“How is he doc?” Officer Michael inquired.
“He’s stable,” the doctor said. “But we are going to keep him overnight for observation.”
“Stable as in?”
The doctor flipped open a brown clipboard he was carrying and started to read from it. “The X-ray result shows no major issue. He has a couple of bruises on his back but nothing serio—”
“Wow, really?” Officer Jack interjected, scratching his blonde buzz haircut. “Tough SOB.”
The doctor continued, slightly annoyed, "As I said, nothing serious, except he complained of pain in both legs. Hence, we want to prescribe him some heavy painkillers and keep him overnight for observation."
“Can we see him to ask him a couple of questions?” Officer Michael asked.
“By all means,” the doctor said, not looking from his clipboard.
“Officers!” the doctor shouted, just as Officers Michael and Jack were enroute to the last room in the dimly lit hallway.
“Yeeess,” said Officer Michael, turning around.
The doctor pointed to a standard white dial clock above the nurses’ front help desk. “Be aware that I want to give the painkillers to Mr. Ferguson very soon, no later than 30 minutes from now.”
“We will do our best,” Officer Jack said, saluting.
“30 minutes TOPS.”
“Mr. Ferguson, are you feeling okay?” Officer Michael asked, checking the time on the EKG machine. Ten minutes had elapsed, and their attempts with the bald, freckled-faced old man proved fruitless. Like the woman before, the old man remained unresponsive, staring into space until either he or Officer Jack nudged him back to reality.
“Mr. Ferguson?” Officer Michael asked again, massaging his forehead.
“Please call me Bill,” Bill said. “I don’t like ‘Mister this’ or ‘Mister that.’ Everybody calls me ‘Bill’.”
“Okay, Bill.” “Can you—”
"Can you tell us what happened today that got you to the emergency room?" Officer Jack said with a brisk and demanding tone.
“Well, I was in an accident,” Bill said.
“Can you be more—”
Officer Michael patted Officer Jack on the shoulder, who then got up and walked out of the hospital room.
As he walked past Officer Michael, a muffled “asshole” escaped his breath.
Bill grinned. “Your partner is a real peach, ain’t he.”
“My apologies, it’s been a long day,” Officer Michael said, eyes darting at the EKG’s time. 15 minutes left before they have to call it quits. “Bill, you said you were in an accident. Let’s go back a bit. What happened leading up to the accident?”
Bill leaned back, tapping his fingers on the hospital bed rail. "Well, I was driving along Sanford Rd, coming from where the mall is. I was taking gifts to my grandkids, which, by the way, I realized I have not called them yet since getting in this predicament. They and my kids must be worried sick!"
Bill attempted to get up, eyeing a wall-mounted phone near the hospital room bathroom.
"Woah, woah, Bill," Officer Michael intervened, hands in front of the anxious old man. "Take it easy. Take it easy. We can call your family as soon as we finish. It won’t be long, I promise."
Officer Michael stole a quick glance at the EKG machine. “Damnit!” Neither him nor Officer Jack wanted to continue this investigation into the next day. Certainly, not on their day off. Additionally, they still had to interview the woman, and such a feat wouldn’t be straightforward, based on initial interactions.
Bill reclined back and took a deep breath. “Okay, but I have to call them afterwards. ASAP.”
“Don’t worry, I will personally make sure of it. Let’s circle back. You said you were coming from the direction of the mall. Did you see any vehicles around you?”
Bill shook his head. "Nope. Just me and the open road. I didn't see that SUV coming at all."
Officer Michael exchanged glances with a red faced Officer Jack, who had re-entered the room.
“Okay, let’s talk about the accident then. What can you tell us about it?”
“Well, I’m not really sure exactly, but all I remembered was being hit and the next thing I knew I was in the air looking at the clouds before I blacked out.”
“Did you notice anything unusual before the collision or before ‘being hit’?”
Bill scratched his head, his freckled face furrowed in concentration. "Honestly, Officers, it's all a blur. I can't remember anything specific."
Officer Jack muttered something under his breath, causing both Officer Michael and Bill to crack a smile.
"Your partner seems a bit on edge, Officer," Bill said.
Officer Michael waved his right hand in dismissal. “Let get back.”
“Look Officer, all I know is that I was driving and the double yellow was on my right when I got hit.”
“Double yellow?”
“The double yellow line.”
Officer Michael recalled the Slingshot motorcycle and its crushed bumper facing the SUV when he arrived at the scene: Bill lying unconscious as the 11-year old boy performed CPR on him.
“That SUV was on the wrong side of the road when it hit me,” explained Bill, wagging his index finger in the air. “Whoever was driving it that hit me must have been on towards oncoming traffic. The double yellow was on my right. I remember that for a fact.”
Officers Michael and Jack looked at one another.
Officer Michael drew out a pen and a small notebook from his uniform pocket.
“Let us get this clearly,” he said, clicking the pen. “You are saying that the double yellow line on the road was on your RIGHT side when you got hit?”
“YES. SIR”
/The Accident. By West African writer Josephine Dean./

On the third Saturday of every month, Mary-Ann, a single mother navigating life post-divorce, embraced a routine that carved out quality time with her 11-year-old son, Gary. The day's weather, while slightly overcast, spared them from the oppressive summer heat, providing a welcome respite following the recent thunderstorms. Mary-Ann hopped into her black SUV, picked up Gary from his father’s place, and drove to their familiar spot: a cozy pastry shop within the bustling mall. En route to the shop, Gary enjoyed playing with his mom's smartphone.
Meanwhile, Bill, a grandfather, had his bi-weekly schedule to visit his five grandchildren, and today was the day. Excited about seeing them, he hopped into his favorite white Slingshot SL motorcycle, a sporty two-seater 3-wheeler. The cloud hung overhead, but it was less humid. Bill, optimistic and feeling great, thought about the gifts he'd bought—from chocolate bars to lollipops to action figures to barbie dolls. He imagined his grandchildren eagerly gathering around him, eyes and mouths wide open as they grabbed and unwrapped their gifts. As he hit the road before noon, he couldn't help but wish for more money. The idea of selling his motorcycle for $15,000 crossed his mind. This could fund a special trip to Disney World in California for his entire family: a trip he had always wanted. Lost in thought, Bill's mind drifted away, oblivious to the imminent presence of the SUV's grille directly in his path.
Mary-Ann paced the emergency department waiting room. She regretted overreacting to the sound, while lost in thought about the mall and all the potential gossips she was going to hear about her ex-husband's love affairs from his naive son. Now, with the man in the operating room possibly facing death, she feared the worst—would she be charged with murder? If only Gary had listened, refraining from playing that stupid fireworks game on her phone.
In the waiting room, Gary sat hunched over, chin nearly touching his chest. He regretted not heeding his father's advice before stepping into his mother’s car.
"Don't use your mom's phone to play games while she's driving. Especially games that sound like fireworks." Advice too late to heed now.
Gary remembered a similar incident from when he was five years old. It was on July 4th at the city’s largest park. After an amazing fireworks display, he and his father had returned home. Excited, he rushed inside the house to tell his mother about the fireworks and the parade. However, upon entering inside, he found the house in total darkness. Calling out for his mother yielded no response. Then, his father tapped his shoulder. "Check our closet."
He hurried into his parents’ closet, finding it in total darkness as well. Switching on the light, he discovered his mother lying flat on the floor with a pillow over her head.
"Mom! Mom! Are you okay? Are you sick? What happened to you?"
Right behind, his father tapped his shoulders again and whispered. "She's afraid of fireworks because it reminds her of gunshots back in Africa."
Gary lamented. If only he hadn't clicked on the fireworks game. They would have been at the mall, enjoying his favorites — slices of caramel pecan silk supreme pie and chocolate mousse cake, and ice cream with mini Oreos topping.
"Hey, buddy. How are you holding up?”
Two uniformed officers appeared before Gary.
Gary looked up and immediately recognized the short and muscular red-haired officer, identifying him as the first responder who was first to arrive at the scene and radio for the ambulance.
“I'm Officer Michael, and my partner here is Jack.”
“What's your name, little man?” A fat and taller officer shot out his pudgy hand at Gary.
“My name is Gary sir,” Gary stuttered, taking a hold of Officer Jack’s chunky sweaty palm and barely able to shake it.
"You did a great job on that man,” Officer Michael said. “If you hadn't performed CPR and tilted his chin upward, something terrible might have happened for sure. You saved his life, young man. Where did you learn to do that?”
"Sixth-grade health class," Gary replied in a low undertone. "I couldn't do mouth-to-mouth breathing because I didn't have a mask."
“Well, what you did was excellent,” Officer Jack remarked.
“Will he be okay?” Gary asked.
“The old man?”
Gary nodded.
Officer Jack sighed, wiping his forehead. "We don't know yet, still waiting to hear from the doctor."
Mary-Ann noticed two officers talking to her son and walked over, hoping to interrupt and possibly take her mind off the gunshots. She felt remorse for her past fear leading to this predicament, recalling an incident from Africa two decades ago.
"So what happened to the old man on the sidewalk?" Officer Michael asked Gary.
“I don’t know,” Gary said. “I remember seeing my mom spinning the steering wheel like out of control and then I felt a big bang before the car stopped…Mom screamed and put her head on the steering wheel. I looked in front and saw an old man lying on the sidewalk.”
Gary found himself biting his nails, the rhythmic tap offering a subtle distraction. Beside him, his mom and her hollow breaths, audible with each response to the officer’s questions, only heightened the tension. Standing there, he momentarily forgot the usual anticipation of her disapproval—a quick, sharp slap on his hand when caught nibbling. Regardless, he sensed she was in no mood to react, resembling the deer frozen in front of their headlights that they almost hit one time on a road trip to Grandma’s in Chicago.
“Is that all?” Officer Michael asked.
Gary hesitated, now wrestling with the vivid images flashing through his mind. The accident played on a loop — the old man lying motionless on the sidewalk. That reality was stark and real, far different from the countless dead bodies he had seen in movies.
And then there was his mom's incessant trembling and piercing screams echoing, before and after the crash. He had never in his life seen anything like that from her. It was like she was a different person, a person he decided early on not to reveal to the police officers. He regretted not heeding his father’s advice and playing that stupid game.
“Is that all?” Officer Michael repeated, his gaze fixating on the 11 year old boy’s furrowed brow.
Gary gulped, accidentally swallowing the nail fragments he had chewed off. With his voice a mere whisper, “I don't remember much else. Everything happened so fast. It was like —”
Officer Jack placed a reassuring hand on Gary's shoulder. "It's alright buddy. You’re not in any trouble. We just need to understand what happened."
Mary-Ann stood by her son’s side, feeling a mixture of anxiety, guilt and anger. Anger mostly.
“Where are the rebels coming from, behind us or in front of us!” she remembered yelling at her startled son upon hearing the sound of fireworks from the phone.
“That’s the sound of an M16; the rebels have captured this area! Woa Yo!” Mary-Ann’s voice raged.
“What rebels, Mom?” Gary asked, tears welling in his eyes. “There’s no one here.”
“They block the street, so we won’t be able to get out of here! Over my old Pa’s dead body!”
Mary-Ann pressed her foot harder on the pedal, accelerating the SUV 30 miles per hour over the 65 posted speed limit.
“Mom!” Gary called out in plea to his mother but her eyes did not look at him.
Like a bull zeroing in on its target, Mary-Ann focused on the nearing barricade. One way or another, she was going to break through, for her son’s sake. She was not going to allow any rebels to take him. If death was the outcome, then it would be a much better alternative.
“Hold tight Gary!” she shrieked.
“Mommy, stop please!”
Gary's cries escalated into full-on wailing. Mary-Ann, unfazed, continued driving, her eyes fixed on the road ahead.
As she barreled towards her target, a sudden sun ray shot across the windshield, catching her off guard. With little time to react, she lifted her hand in a feeble attempt to shield her face.
In that fleeting moment, straining to see through the glaring light, Mary-Ann caught sight of a white metallic object hurtling towards her.
“Shit!” she exclaimed, her grip tightening on the steering wheel. With a surge of adrenaline, she turned it with all her strength, desperately trying to veer away from the impending collision.
"Ma'am, can you tell us what happened leading up to the accident?"
“Ma’am?”
“Ma’am?”
“Huh,” Mary-Ann said. “Who said that?”
Officer Michael waved his hand in front of Mary-Ann. “Ma’am, are you alright? I kind of lost you there for a minute.”
“Where’s my son!” Mary-Ann looked around frantically.
“He’s fine,” Officer Michael said, letting out a chuckle before pointing his finger in the direction of the hospital’s vending machines.
There Gary was eating a large cookie and engrossed in a stack of cards held by Officer Jack.
“This one right here is my favorite baseball player,” Officer Jack could be overheard saying.
She looked at her son and could not help but feel proud. He was growing and looking more and more like his 6'3" father. Most importantly, he was maturing and becoming a MAN. The accident was proof of this. If it was not for him, she was sure she would have been in much more trouble, maybe even in handcuffs. No…likely in handcuffs. She wished she could turn back time.
“Oh God,” Mary-Ann groaned, her forehead resting on the steering wheel.
Gary unclasped his seatbelt and leaned forward, peering beyond their SUV's cracked windshield and dented hood. He could make out what appeared to be a white car, completely mangled at the front. It was not an ordinary car though. It had three wheels, reminiscent of that tricycle car he saw once in a commercial.
Gary called out to his mother, who was now rubbing her head on the steering wheel. “Mom. Mom. You okay?” His eyes scanned past his mother and stopped on a figure lying face up on the sidewalk.
Mary-Ann lifted her head slowly from the steering wheel, awakened by the creak of the car door. She glanced at the empty front seat, noticing the ajar door.
Wrapping both hands around her mouth, Mary-Ann’s thoughts raced. “God, what did I do?”
Before panic could settle in, she began to hear that familiar and innocent squeaky voice. She turned to her left side and saw her son kneeling down. He was talking to a man, lying still on the sidewalk.
Wide-eyed, Mary-Ann flung her door open and ran towards her son
"Gary, we need to go! We can't stay here!" she pleaded.
But Gary remained resolute, his focus on the unconscious man. "I can't just leave him, Mom. He needs help."
"Gary!" Mary-Ann screamed, extending a bruised arm, fingers rattling. She looked in the direction where they were heading and saw nothing. Not a car in sight, pedestrian, barricade or rebels for that matter.
“We can’t stay,” Mary-Ann continued her plea. “Please son get in the — ”
“I can't Mom,” Gary said, meeting her gaze. Streams of tears marked his face. “I have to do something.”
Turning back to the man, Gary placed the heel of his hand on the center of the chest and pressed down firmly, allowing the chest to recoil between compressions. He counted each compression in his mind, just as he did on the manikin in health class.
“Mom, call 911!” Gary’s voice quivered with urgency.
Mary-Ann stood still, her gaze shifting between her son and the unconscious man.
Gary continued the compressions, pausing once to tilt the man's head back slightly before resuming. His hands moving with determined purpose.
Tears blurred Mary-Ann's vision as she watched her son's hands methodically pressing down on the stranger's chest. Each compression tightened the knot in her throat. Helplessness gripped her heart, but beneath it, a surge of pride welled up.
She failed to notice the arrival of the police cruiser behind until a short red-haired officer rushed past, urgently radioing for an ambulance.
Gary, his face streaked with tears, looked up at the officer with desperation and relief. The man remained unresponsive despite his efforts.
The officer swiftly took over, instructing Gary to move back, while distant sirens heralded the coming arrival of the ambulance.
“Ms. Brown.” “Ms. Brown.”
The voice of Officer Michael jolted Mary-Ann. The sound of her married name still unsettled her. She had opted to keep it. “Brown” was much easier on the American tongue than her African maiden name. Plus, it opened a lot more doors to employment and career progression, as had advised by a successful lawyer relative in DC.
“Sorry Mr. Officer,” Mary-Ann said, wiping her face with both hands.
"We appreciate both you and your son staying put after getting discharged. Thankfully, he's alright, and your injury is minor." Officer Michael pointed to Mary-Ann’s bandaged arm.
Mary-Ann looked at her bandaged right arm. True, she and Gary were lucky to be alive, more so Gary for not having a single scratch. She did not know how she could have forgiven herself if something was to happen to him. A swollen arm is a far better price to pay.
“Ms. Brown,” Officer Michael persisted. “We just need to understand what transpired today. Can you walk me through the events?”
Mary-Ann gulped and hesitated. It was a quarter past 6 pm and hunger was starting to gnaw at her. The image of making Gary's favorite dinner, lasagna with lots of cheese, flashed in her mind. She and Gary would have stuffed their bellies by now and topped it off with butter pecan ice cream on the couch and his kiddy movie. Would have if she had not overreacted.
“Ms. Brown?”
Mary-Ann took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves. “Well, Officer, we were driv—”
“Officer.”
A doctor had appeared. He had several bag lines underneath his eyes and a couple of brown stains on his supposed white coat. “Officer, may I have a word with you?”
“Can you sit tight for a few?” Officer Michael said, pointing to one of the waiting room chairs.
Mary-Ann nodded and did as she was told. She was then joined by Gary, who hugged her non-injured shoulder.
Officer Michael, now accompanied by a wheezing Officer Jack, who had hurried back from the vending machines, redirected his focus to the haggard looking doctor.
“How is he doc?” Officer Michael inquired.
“He’s stable,” the doctor said. “But we are going to keep him overnight for observation.”
“Stable as in?”
The doctor flipped open a brown clipboard he was carrying and started to read from it. “The X-ray result shows no major issue. He has a couple of bruises on his back but nothing serio—”
“Wow, really?” Officer Jack interjected, scratching his blonde buzz haircut. “Tough SOB.”
The doctor continued, slightly annoyed, "As I said, nothing serious, except he complained of pain in both legs. Hence, we want to prescribe him some heavy painkillers and keep him overnight for observation."
“Can we see him to ask him a couple of questions?” Officer Michael asked.
“By all means,” the doctor said, not looking from his clipboard.
“Officers!” the doctor shouted, just as Officers Michael and Jack were enroute to the last room in the dimly lit hallway.
“Yeeess,” said Officer Michael, turning around.
The doctor pointed to a standard white dial clock above the nurses’ front help desk. “Be aware that I want to give the painkillers to Mr. Ferguson very soon, no later than 30 minutes from now.”
“We will do our best,” Officer Jack said, saluting.
“30 minutes TOPS.”
“Mr. Ferguson, are you feeling okay?” Officer Michael asked, checking the time on the EKG machine. Ten minutes had elapsed, and their attempts with the bald, freckled-faced old man proved fruitless. Like the woman before, the old man remained unresponsive, staring into space until either he or Officer Jack nudged him back to reality.
“Mr. Ferguson?” Officer Michael asked again, massaging his forehead.
“Please call me Bill,” Bill said. “I don’t like ‘Mister this’ or ‘Mister that.’ Everybody calls me ‘Bill’.”
“Okay, Bill.” “Can you—”
"Can you tell us what happened today that got you to the emergency room?" Officer Jack said with a brisk and demanding tone.
“Well, I was in an accident,” Bill said.
“Can you be more—”
Officer Michael patted Officer Jack on the shoulder, who then got up and walked out of the hospital room.
As he walked past Officer Michael, a muffled “asshole” escaped his breath.
Bill grinned. “Your partner is a real peach, ain’t he.”
“My apologies, it’s been a long day,” Officer Michael said, eyes darting at the EKG’s time. 15 minutes left before they have to call it quits. “Bill, you said you were in an accident. Let’s go back a bit. What happened leading up to the accident?”
Bill leaned back, tapping his fingers on the hospital bed rail. "Well, I was driving along Sanford Rd, coming from where the mall is. I was taking gifts to my grandkids, which, by the way, I realized I have not called them yet since getting in this predicament. They and my kids must be worried sick!"
Bill attempted to get up, eyeing a wall-mounted phone near the hospital room bathroom.
"Woah, woah, Bill," Officer Michael intervened, hands in front of the anxious old man. "Take it easy. Take it easy. We can call your family as soon as we finish. It won’t be long, I promise."
Officer Michael stole a quick glance at the EKG machine. “Damnit!” Neither him nor Officer Jack wanted to continue this investigation into the next day. Certainly, not on their day off. Additionally, they still had to interview the woman, and such a feat wouldn’t be straightforward, based on initial interactions.
Bill reclined back and took a deep breath. “Okay, but I have to call them afterwards. ASAP.”
“Don’t worry, I will personally make sure of it. Let’s circle back. You said you were coming from the direction of the mall. Did you see any vehicles around you?”
Bill shook his head. "Nope. Just me and the open road. I didn't see that SUV coming at all."
Officer Michael exchanged glances with a red faced Officer Jack, who had re-entered the room.
“Okay, let’s talk about the accident then. What can you tell us about it?”
“Well, I’m not really sure exactly, but all I remembered was being hit and the next thing I knew I was in the air looking at the clouds before I blacked out.”
“Did you notice anything unusual before the collision or before ‘being hit’?”
Bill scratched his head, his freckled face furrowed in concentration. "Honestly, Officers, it's all a blur. I can't remember anything specific."
Officer Jack muttered something under his breath, causing both Officer Michael and Bill to crack a smile.
"Your partner seems a bit on edge, Officer," Bill said.
Officer Michael waved his right hand in dismissal. “Let get back.”
“Look Officer, all I know is that I was driving and the double yellow was on my right when I got hit.”
“Double yellow?”
“The double yellow line.”
Officer Michael recalled the Slingshot motorcycle and its crushed bumper facing the SUV when he arrived at the scene: Bill lying unconscious as the 11-year old boy performed CPR on him.
“That SUV was on the wrong side of the road when it hit me,” explained Bill, wagging his index finger in the air. “Whoever was driving it that hit me must have been on towards oncoming traffic. The double yellow was on my right. I remember that for a fact.”
Officers Michael and Jack looked at one another.
Officer Michael drew out a pen and a small notebook from his uniform pocket.
“Let us get this clearly,” he said, clicking the pen. “You are saying that the double yellow line on the road was on your RIGHT side when you got hit?”
“YES. SIR”
/The Accident. By West African writer Josephine Dean./

The epitome of professionalism, the strike of fear in the hearts of men, the shrieking hellion, the leader of the pack. The infamous Drill Sergeant. While most individuals will never know a Drill Sergeant outside of Major Payne and Full Metal Jacket, most Soldiers will never know a Drill Sergeant outside of Basic Combat Training (BCT). This can lead to a lot of rumors, misinformation, and questions that many are simply too afraid to ask. Not to mention the fact that in the grand scheme of the Army, there really aren’t that many Drill Sergeants floating around, which has led me to writing this post to give you a few things to think about before you embark on you’re the hallowed path of the Drill Sergeant.
The Basics
Before I begin, I would like to mention that I myself am an Army Reservist and have been throughout my nearly 11 year career. This does not make me completely ignorant to Active Duty life. Currently, I am an Active Guard Reserve (AGR) Soldier who is, essentially, an Active Duty Soldier assigned to an Army Reserves unit. Not to mention I was embedded in an Active Duty BCT Company alongside Active Duty Drill Sergeants for three years.
There are a couple of different ways for you to become a Drill Sergeant. If you are an Active Duty Soldier, you are usually what is called “DA Selected.” This means the Army needs a Drill Sergeant, and you were selected (voluntold); although it isn’t entirely uncommon for an Active Duty Soldier to volunteer themselves for Drill Sergeant duty. If you are a National Guard Soldier, often the only way for you to become a Drill Sergeant is to be in a Recruit Sustainment Program (RSP) unit where you work with “Future Soldiers” who have contracted into the Army via Military Entrance Processing Station (MEPS) and are awaiting shipment to BCT. If you are in the Reserves, like myself, then you must Reschedule Training (RST) with a Drill Sergeant unit, pass their assessment, work alongside your current unit and Drill Sergeant unit to ensure you are properly transferred, and then begin work as a Drill Sergeant Candidate.
Your New Unit
I am going to speak to the Reservist Soldiers throughout this section. Mostly because having walked that path, I am the most versed in it. The Active Duty route is fairly straight forward. You either become a “turtle” at an Active Duty BCT unit where you receive on-the-job training in preparation for the Academy and begin to work on your MOI’s, or you PCS to the Academy itself followed directly by your actual BCT Company upon Academy graduation. Whichever path you take, remember to maintain a high level of physical fitness and learn your Top 3. MOI books can be ordered online through US Patriot Tactical. For National Guard Soldiers, speak to your chain-of-command and Retention NCO’s to find out the best way to start the process to becoming a Drill Sergeant. For my fellow Reservists, an RST is where a Soldier typically knows in advance that they are going to miss Battle Assembly (BA) and reschedule it ahead of time. This can also be used for you to attend BA’s with other units, such as when you are on the path to becoming a Drill Sergeant. While unit’s each have their own SOP’s, the Reserves Drill Sergeant unit I RST’d with required me to complete the Army Physical Fitness Test (APFT) at 80% in each event on the 17–21 year old male scale. This is to ensure you are more than capable of physically completing the United States Army Drill Sergeant Academy’s (USADSA) 70% requirement in each event. The next event during that weekend’s BA was me receiving a Module of Instruction (MOI) book to begin memorizing. One of the biggest contributing factors to a Candidate’s failure at the Academy is reciting modules verbatim, also called “pitching modules.” The MOI book could be considered a Drill Sergeant’s Bible and consists of the technically and completely written step-by-step guide to executing every single Drill and Ceremony movement within the United States Army. Everything from Position of Attention, to Column Left, to Parade Rest, to Stack Arms is covered in the MOI. Luckily for Candidates who are not yet at the Academy, your only focus needs to be on the first three modules. Commonly called the “Top 3” or “Big 3”, the first three modules are typically required of Candidates prior to their units sending them off to the Academy confidently. For Reservists specifically, memorizing all three modules verbatim is almost always a mandatory requirement. The Top 3 consists of Position of Attention, Rest Positions at the Halt, and Hand Salute. Your unit will monitor your mental capability and see if you have made considerable enough progress to be given Candidate status throughout your first BA. A unit will often take you outside as well (or in the Drill Hall) to hear you sound off (or shout) commands to see if you really have it in you. Often times, Soldiers will freeze up as a few Drill Sergeants stare them down and size them up to see if they have the confidence required for the position. Let’s not forget the fun part of having all the current Drill Sergeants within your unit treating you like a trainee every weekend either (it’s just part of the process and gets you in the mindset for the Academy.) So get ready to be yelled at, run everywhere, stand at parade rest for Drill Sergeants of any rank (even if they outrank you), and get smoked non-stop while you’re in Candidate status because it’s merely a foreshadowing of what’s to come at the Academy. Once you have successfully made it through your first BA weekend, you will work with both units to begin the transfer process and officially become a Candidate. A Candidate will typically ship to the Academy within 3–6 months of officially becoming a member of a Drill Sergeant unit. This can be delayed if you fail to pass the APFT with your unit’s mandatory % in each event (an APFT is given every single BA until you ship to the Academy), showing negative progress on memorizing your MOI’s, general apathy and lack of professionalism, or personal issues that might require you to delay your ship date. Being treated like a trainee every month is usually pretty solid motivation for Candidates to front load the Academy on their priority list and get it knocked out. Keep your head down, keep your mouth closed unless you are instructed to speak (when you do, speak loud), remember your military customs and courtesies that the rest of the Army Reserves have mysteriously forgotten, prioritize taking time outside of BA to learn your MOI’s, and always do what you’re told to the best of your ability. You’ll be at the Academy in no time.
Drill Sergeant Academy
Ah, welcome to Fort Jackson in beautiful Columbia, South Carolina. Home of the United States Army (HE/SHE SAID IT!) Drill Sergeant Academy. Get used to hearing that every single morning for the next nine weeks. Remember BCT? Welcome to BCT 2.0. Nearly everything is the same down to the shark attack on Day Zero. If you’re a SFC, you had better check your ego and get used to being smoked by a SSG. You’re in their world now. In all honesty, the Academy isn’t all that different or special than any other military school. You start with your traditional in-processing, mandatory APFT in which you have to pass at the minimum standards for your age and gender group in order to be retained in the course. If you have fail the APFT, you will be given one more chance and if you fail again, it’s happy trails for you. Everything at the Academy was a near repeat of what BCT was. Wake up entirely too early to conduct PT, followed by either class room training, drill pad training, field training, or somewhere out on the installation training. Just like BCT, the name of the game is training. On top of becoming a Private again (and being treated like one as well), the Academy was focused in Phases as well like BCT: Red, White, and Blue Phase. You do all the events such as your three APFT’s, weapons qualification, ruck marches, FTX’s, Drill and Ceremony, confidence course, obstacle course, gas chamber, and rappel tower. I don’t need to go into detail about each training event because if you’re reading this article, it’s very likely you’re a Soldier and have completed them before. Just know that if you knocked it out during BCT, you will be required to knock it out again.
Where things become different is the fact that you will be graded on leadership ability as well as your performance as a member of a team. This means there will be several times (weekly, in some cases) throughout the Academy you will be required to lead PT, give classes, pitch modules, call cadences, conduct Drill and Ceremony, etc. Think of everything your Drill Sergeant did. You will be graded very meticulously on your ability to perform as a leader. Do you freeze up when pitching a module at the top of your lungs in front of 4 Drill Sergeants Leaders (DSL)? (PS: Don’t make the DSL sex joke…you will be chewed up and spit out and probably have your career ended on the spot.) Do you have a hard time sounding off loudly when marching Soldiers? Do you always mess up the order in which you call out the Preparation Drill? If so, these are areas that need to be worked on before you attend the Academy, because the Academy is not a very forgiving place. You will be recycled, you guessed it, just like BCT. But fear not! For unlike BCT, you will actually (usually) have your evenings and weekends off. You will also have access to your cell phone which you will leave in your barracks room when you head to class for the day. And seriously, don’t be “that guy” who brings his cell phone anyways and it goes off in class and your entire Platoon pays the price for it. You’re literally a Drill Sergeant Candidate in the world’s finest fighting force; act like it. You have two options: Party every weekend, stay hammered in the evenings, and constantly be searching for your next “fling”, or be professional with your time by getting involved with a study group amongst your peers so you perform at your best when it comes time to be assessed by the Drill Sergeants. I’ll admit, I partied here and there at the Academy, and I do recommend it. It’s a good time for you to de-stress during one of the most (if not, the most) stressful courses of your military career and allows you to build close friendships with your peers. But keep your goals and priorities close. Remember exactly why you’re at the Academy. I saw far too many get recycled when they failed assessments because they spent all their free time in the evenings on their cell phones and spent their weekends partying. The Academy forces you to develop something that will be critical throughout your time pushing Privates: Time Management. Either you use your time wisely so you succeed, or you use it like an idiot and get recycled until you learn your lesson. Other than developing very strong time management and strong friendships, I can’t say the Academy taught me an awful lot unfortunately. It might surprise you that the Academy does not teach you “how” to be a Drill Sergeant. There’s no yelling at trees like some might think. You get one quick lesson on how to sound off (pro tip: use your chest) and then you either swim or sink. There’s no high level leadership classes you are given. They don’t teach you exactly how to interact with Privates (outside of don’t touch them.) You’ll even be expected to complete an “embedment” during Blue Phase in which you and a battle buddy or two go to a BCT Company at Fort Jackson and lead a small event such as PT in the morning in front of trainees. The Academy is not so much a place of training as a place of performing. You are literally selected to be a Drill Sergeant by the Army if you’re Active Duty. If you’re Reserves or National Guard, you’ve already passed the vetting process. You have it in you, you simply have to prove it. All in all, the Academy isn’t that difficult. It’s BCT and you’ve already passed BCT before. Stay physically fit, don’t let the Drill Sergeant Leaders get in your head and play mind games with you, develop a tight knit bond with your peers, attend your study groups, and use your time wisely. You’ll be a Drill Sergeant before you know it.
On The Trail
For the first time (other than the embedment), you will be in front of trainees. Naturally, you’ll do the Army thing where you in-process, but your Company will likely throw you into the fray as soon as they possibly can. It seems every BCT Company in the Army is severely understaffed. Typically, a Company should have 4 Platoons (PLT) with 3 Drill Sergeants in each Platoon. That’s one Senior Drill Sergeant (SDS) who is usually a SFC or the senior SSG and two Drill Sergeants who are SSG’s or SGT’s. Yes, I did say SGT. Please don’t be that ignorant guy/gal who doesn’t think E-5 Drill Sergeants are a thing. I literally had the official Stolen Valor called on me because a lady on Facebook legitimately thought I was not real because I was an E-5 Drill Sergeant. In fact, you can become a Drill Sergeant Candidate as an E-4. You are conditionally promoted to E-5 upon your arrival to the Academy and keep it pending your graduation. However, do not expect your Company to be fully staffed. I wish I was lying when I told you my first cycle at Fort Leonard Wood was literally just me in my Platoon. Brand new, E-5 me. I acted as the Senior Drill Sergeant for my first two cycles until an actual SFC was transferred into my Company. I have actually never seen (or heard of) a Company who is at 100% of their Drill Sergeants, so expect overtime…and lots of it. Becoming a Drill Sergeant is not for the weak-hearted. My days typically saw me waking up around 0330 in order to be at the unit around 0400–0430. I wouldn’t leave work until around 2000–2100. This doesn’t include the fact that you still have to maintain a life outside of work. You have to buy groceries, make meals, run errands, do laundry, find time to maintain relationships with friends and family, and somehow try to find time to meet others in your area if you’re single. If you’re married with children, your family is going to have to understand that you’re basically deployed. Yes, you’re probably about 10–15 miles max from your house, however, you’re availability is non-existent. And when you do come home, it is very difficult to be present because you’re are completely drained both physically and mentally. Unfortunately, many divorces happen on the trail. Plan ahead of time and adjust fire accordingly when necessary. Having your house in order is a critical component to your success “on the trail” (which is what your tour as a Drill Sergeant is called).
Now that we’ve covered your home life briefly, let’s get into your daily life on the trail. Nearly every morning will start off with First Formation followed directly by PT. PT it typically followed by either Breakfast Chow or Personal Hygiene. After that you get into the day’s training, Lunch Chow, more training, Dinner Chow, finish training, and then Personal Time for the trainees. Training, training, training. As a Drill Sergeant, you are expected to be a Subject Matter Expert (SME) in all things training. It is your primary purpose to ensure that you create a Soldier capable of winning our nation’s wars and making it back home to their families. It is your secondary purpose to care for these trainees at all costs. You are charged with the personal safety of them and their families have entrusted them with you. Mission first, but care for your Soldiers, always. Entirely too many Drill Sergeants rely on one or two Drill Sergeants within the Company who are the true SME’s and expect them to cover their shortcomings every day. You are a Drill Sergeant. You are a self-sufficient leader within the Army and it is your duty to learn things you do not know. Don’t know Land Navigation? Study. Don’t know Drill and Ceremony? Study. Don’t know what the third exercise is in 4 For The Core? Study. Yes, there are plenty of Drill Sergeants who slip through the Academy’s cracks and become a burden to their peers on the trail. Do not be that guy/gal. Carry your weight and take pride in what you are. At some point of time, you will be tasked with teaching a class for the entire Company. You peers are going to rely on your expertise to teach their trainees critical information. You simply cannot be the Drill Sergeant that “doesn’t know that one” every time you are tasked with a class. As a Drill Sergeant, your power base is one of the most important things you own. It gives you power, leverage, and charisma over your trainees. It’s what inspires them to follow and have the discipline and respect to continue to follow you through thick and thin. Repeated mistakes, bad communication, or ignorance is a sure fire way to lose your power base. Once you’ve lost your power base with your Platoon, it is very difficult to get it back. While most Drill Sergeants never lose their power base, it does happen and when it happens, it’s very bad. I once had a Drill Sergeant in my Platoon who could not march or call cadence. I covered down for her every day (we cover down on each other’s weaknesses to protect power bases) but eventually the Senior Drill Sergeant was sick and tired of my peer never prioritizing learning Drill and Ceremony. He ordered me to stand down and allow her to get out there and march the trainees. What happened next was the most pathetic thing I have ever seen in my life. Couldn’t remember cadences, calling commands on the wrong foot, and zero confidence. The trainees could see this and they ate it. She never gained their respect again. They did not trust her anymore. When she pushed information out or gave a class, they would follow-up with me to make sure that she had taught the right thing. This is why time management is important. You don’t have very much free time as a Drill Sergeant; you better use what time you have to learn the things you are weak on. While also making time to eat and spend time with family, etc. Nobody said this was going to be easy. Each week, there is either a Duty Drill Sergeant or Duty Platoon (depending on unit SOP). They are charged with creating the Training Schedule for the week, in charge of reserving all the ranges or classrooms for the week, and ensuring training gear such as ice sheets and range boxes are properly equipped and transported to the training sites. This is a stressful week for the Duty Drill Sergeant and their Platoons as it requires them to come to work even earlier, work even harder daily, and work later. If you’re a good Drill Sergeant who gets along well with your peers, plenty of assistance will be provided. Make sure you pay it forward when it isn’t your duty week and go the extra mile for others as well. If you’re an arrogant jerk to your peers, they will happily let you fall flat on your face. Drill Sergeants are very tight knit, but they are not afraid to put you in your place either. We are assertive professionals who are not afraid of others or to speak our minds. Also, there are the Charge of Quarters (CQ) and Duty Driver tasks as well. Duty Driver is responsible for ensuring all the trainees make it to their appointments on time, bringing chow to the training areas, and various tasks here and there when a vehicle is required. CQ will typically perform their Drill Sergeant duties as normal throughout the day, but will spend the night in the Drill Sergeant’s CQ Office all night until the next morning. You will be directly responsible for any issues that happen in the barracks until your team returns the following morning. Now that I have covered the day-to-day basics of being on the trail, let’s get into the issues that literally nobody ever thinks about when they think about being a Drill Sergeant duty. If yelling was our only jobs, it would be the easiest job in the world.
Trials on the Trail #1: Red Cross Messages
In my opinion, this is the absolute worst part of being a Drill Sergeant. Most Soldiers would likely say it is the worst part of the Army. Red Cross Messages are emergency alerts sent to a Soldiers’ unit to alert them that their family member is either severely ill or has passed away. In my time as a Drill Sergeant, I probably had to issue out about 10 Red Cross Messages. The one that still haunts me to this day was my very first cycle. A young female Soldier did not have parents in her life. Instead, she had her grandmother. Her grandmother was everything to her and she would never quit talking about her. I was able to use her grandmother as a source of motivation for her on several occasions throughout her cycle. “What would your grandmother think if she saw you giving up right now? What would you grandmother think if she knew she had to wait another 3 weeks to see you because you’ve been recycled? How proud would your grandmother be if you were able to qualify Expert on the rifle?” It was approximately one week from graduation and this young trainee had met all the requirements. As the butterflies in her stomach began to flutter ever more in anticipation to see her grandmother again as a Soldier, I received a Red Cross Message while on CQ duty in the middle of the night. Her grandmother had passed away. It was about 0200 when I had to go upstairs, wake her and her battle buddy up to come down to my office. How was I supposed to break the news? The Academy didn’t train me for this. Nobody did. But here I am, just me and two trainees…one who’s life I was about to change forever. I broke the news to her. After 20 minutes of absolutely uncontrollable sobbing, she finally began to settle down a bit. You see, the toughest part about being a Drill Sergeant is that you can’t always be “human.” I wanted nothing more than to take this young trainee under my arm and let her know that everything was going to be okay, her grandmother will always be looking down on her with gleaming eyes full of pride, and that life will go on eventually. I couldn’t really do any of these things. It was my duty to issue the news, provide a Chaplain to the trainee if necessary, ensure the Soldier was cared for and did not require anything crazy like suicide watch, and carry on with my day. I did just that, but I wish I could have done so much more. I always did. If you’re not ready to handle this grave detail, then the path of a Drill Sergeant is not for you.
Trials on the Trail #2: Hat Hunters
You will never have a larger target on your back than you will as a Drill Sergeant. For someone who supposed to have absolute trust with the lives of their trainees, you sure aren’t trusted at all. Whether it be the crusty Command Sergeant Major (CSM) who still wants vengeance on his Drill Sergeant from 20 years ago that you unfortunately become the scapegoat of, or the out-of-touch Colonel who wants nothing more than an additional Officer Evaluation Report (OER) bullet point, you are constantly 3 seconds away from being quick-scoped. If I could offer you one piece of advice as a Drill Sergeant, it would be this: Learn TRADOC Regulation 350–6 and learn it well. That is your left and right limits. As long as you stay within regulation, no harm can come to you. Breach your limits even a little bit and you can lose your entire career. I remember getting in-processed back in 2017 and a CSM had several campaign hats lining the upper walls of his office. He proudly displayed the hats as careers he had ended. While some of the Drill Sergeants more than likely deserved what came to them, others I completely disagree with. The Golden Rule of the Drill Sergeant is the 3 F’s. You don’t fck, feed (outside of chow time), or fight a trainee. However, even following the Golden Rule isn’t enough anymore. Hat Hunters, or upper echelon leaders whose sole purpose in life is to end a Drill Sergeant’s career, will jump on anything. Did you really just cuss out loud while calling cadence in front of trainees? We never cuss in the Army! Did you just call a trainee a “Private”? How dare you address them by their official rank! Are you wearing a fleece cap in -10 degree weather instead of your campaign hat while marching your trainees over two miles in 20mph wind? How dare you! Yes, these are all reasons that Drill Sergeants have gotten “hemmed up” while I was on the trail. I wish I could tell you things have gotten better, but they have only gotten much, much worse. It seems the “fck f*uck games” have only gotten more intense since I left the trail. There is now no such thing as a “shark attack.” My last cycle of BCT, we were not allowed to make the trainees run during the first week out of fear of them getting little blisters on their poor little feet. In fact, they did not even wear combat boots until Week Two, they were in PT shoes the entire time. The Army is getting softer and softer, while I won’t get into the root causes of why, I will give a warning about thinking you’re going to go Full Metal Jacket on the trainees as a Drill Sergeant. There is a time and a place for that, and it’s getting sparser by the day.
Trials on the Trail #3: Peer Pressure
Remember when I told you to follow TR 350–6 religiously in the previous section? You will have peers that use it as their door mats. These are the Drill Sergeants who are typically at 100% all day long and never come down. Or maybe they’re just too lazy or burned out to care anymore (this happens a lot.) Regardless, if you’re a good Drill Sergeant you can be expected to be called “Candy Drill” at least once, twice, or a hundred times throughout your time on the trail. A Candy Drill is a Drill Sergeant who is seen as too soft and forgiving of their trainees. While this is actually true sometimes for brand new Drill Sergeants who still lack confidence, this is used more often than not by overly aggressive Drill Sergeants who think everybody should be like them. For example, I was once called a Candy Drill by a Drill Sergeant who literally told me that I should quit caring about trainees because “they’re not even human, they’re Privates.” Yes, this type of trash actually slips into the ranks of Drill Sergeant. Every Company has them. There are bad eggs in every organization, the Drill Sergeant Corps is no different. Expect to butt heads with your peers from time to time (or daily in some cases) as many Drill Sergeants do not have the ability to “flip the switch” off. Once they get enraged over their Platoon’s lack of discipline, they will take it out on everybody around them, peers included. It is critically important for your success on the trail to find the happy balance that works best for you personally. You cannot be aggressive 100% of the time, but you also can’t be passive and turn a blind eye 100% of the time because you are exhausted either. You are not other Drill Sergeants, you are unique. Definitely take advice from your peers, but don’t be exactly like them. Be yourself. Besides that, your trainees are new to the Army, but not new to life. They will know when you are not being your true authentic self and you will lose respect for it (cue the power base speech.)
Trials on the Trail #4: Adaptive Leadership
If you don’t know what adaptive leadership is, search it on the internet and immediately begin reading books and articles about it. The quicker you learn it, the more successful you will become. I would even argue that as a leader in the military, this should be something you prioritize, Drill Sergeant Candidate or not. You are about to have 250 trainees of various ages, with various races and backgrounds, having various values and religions directly under your supervision for the next nine weeks. This is not a one size fits all ordeal. Those who think this way are seriously misinformed. Yes, you are a Drill Sergeant. Yes, it’s ultimately your way or the highway. But you are selected to be a Drill Sergeant because you demonstrate incredible leadership ability. Why throw that all away just so you can stroke your ego throughout a nine week power trip? Being that Drill Sergeant that only has one method of training and immediately blows a gasket when a trainee doesn’t fully understand is no different than a one trick pony. What good are you to the organization? What good are you to your trainees? News Flash: you’re not. It is your job as a Drill Sergeant to be the absolute best leader you can be to put out the absolute best product you can into the Army which will live on as your legacy to your organization, and take the absolute best care of your trainees as you can. This cannot happen without adaptive leadership. You must be able to adapt to your trainees specifically depending on their learning styles and be receptive of what communication factors are disrupting the learning process. You simply do not have very much time to have ineffective communication. Nine weeks feels like forever until you see your trainees crossing the graduation stage and you’re in your head the next two weeks wondering if you’ve actually taught them enough to survive. Don’t be that Drill Sergeant. Be confident in your abilities and utilize adaptive leadership. It is not “soft” and you are not God, you are a high quality leader entrusted with the lives of trainees. Do your best to adjust the way you shoot information out and utilize corrective training to get the best of each and every Soldier. You change up your approach almost as much as you will demand your trainees to change up theirs.
Trials on the Trail #5: Stigma
Ah, the stigma of being a Drill Sergeant. This will follow you the rest of your life, so be ready for it. Females will either get hot and flustered thinking about a man in uniform with dominance, or will think you have domestic violence down to a science. Weak men will avoid a dominant female as it glares through every insecurity they have ever hid in their closet, or they will simply call you a b*tch. The Drill Sergeant stigma is a very real thing. On the military side of the house, it means that every unit you will ever be a part of for the rest of your career will hold your Drill Sergeant badge against you. They will think you are a God who is capable of doing literally anything they throw your way. So they will throw everything your way while they often sit back expecting you to handle it. They will also be hyper critical of you the moment you mess up. We are human and mistakes happen. Maybe you should have gotten a haircut over the weekend but were completely exhausted. You can be sure to get an earful on Monday as ZZ Top himself is lecturing you on your higher standard of professionalism as a Drill Sergeant. On the civilian side, employers will often fear you unless they themselves have served in the military. You will put down that you were a Drill Sergeant on your resume, or maybe it comes up during the interview that you had previously served on the trail, and immediately you are stigmatized. Your employer doesn’t want a hot head working this customer service gig, as a police officer, or any other position where they can create a hostile or toxic work environment. You think I’m kidding but I’ve literally had an employer tells me months after I was hired that he took a “big risk” on me and was “afraid of me” for the first couple of months until he got to know me better. Again, civilians don’t know anything about Drill Sergeants outside of Major Payne and Full Metal Jacket. They think we are shrieking hellions from the sixth circle of hell that leave trails of hellfire in our wake. Maybe they’re not completely wrong.
The End of a Story
Ah, your two (or three) years on the trail have finally come to an end. As you begin training the Baby Drill (new Drill Sergeant fresh out of the Academy) to replace you, you can finally begin to breathe a sigh of relief. Drill Sergeant duty is widely considered the most difficult assignment in the Army (outside of Special Forces, Rangers, and Infantry in deployment of course.) It is the most challenging and rewarding job in the military in my opinion, and I’m not alone in that train of thought. To see the lives of young men and women be transformed and inspiring and pushing them to overcome obstacles and realize their dreams is no small feat. Taking civilians from all over the country and turning them into one unit capable of bringing the fight to the enemy effectively while surviving is also no small feat. You will make many personal sacrifices throughout your time on the trail. You will likely see relationships crumble, put everything in your life on hold for two to three years, and sacrifice some of your personal health as you probably won’t be able to lift weight and meal prep as perfectly as you were able to prior to becoming a Drill Sergeant, however, the day families see their sons, daughters, sisters, brothers, grandsons, and granddaughters as a Soldier for the first time makes everything worth it. They never fail to see a massive change in their Soldier from mannerisms, to confidence, to their physical appearance, and mental strength. You name it, they see it. And they thank you for it from the bottom of their hearts. While their Soldier will be their #1 heroes, you will always be a close second. As this chapter in your life comes to a close, use this time to begin rewiring your brain back into “non-Drill Sergeant” mode. The world no longer revolves around you, every little mistake made does not need to be compared to a life or death scenario, you no longer have control of the world around you, you need to seriously think about what you say before you say it, your emotions need to be placed in check, and so too does your ego. I would love to be able to sit here and state that I took my own advice when I hit the trail, I really would. But this information was never made available to me when I was a Drill Sergeant. I made the mistakes I made so that I can prevent you from making them too. Like most Drill Sergeants I was surrounded by, I was very arrogant and egotistical. Yes, I cared deeply for my trainees, but I also thought I was God. It’s a very easy trap to fall into as a Drill Sergeant as your influence is probably bigger than it ever will be in your life and many people look up to you. The issue is, when you leave the trail, your world comes crashing down. I was an aggressive and emotional train wreck for the entire year following my departure as a Drill Sergeant. Every little mistake my then-girlfriend (now wife) would make, I would verbally abuse her. In my head, I was simply attempting to correct an error that was made. In real life, I was tearing our relationship apart. Please keep in mind, at no point of time did I ever truly understand the true extent of the damage I was causing. It is a very stressful thing for someone to go from total control of their surroundings to next to none. Eventually, the stress led to anxiety. I’m not going into every single detail about the struggles I had in my transition from Drill Sergeant to regular Soldier, just know that I have a very strong wife and I am blessed she never gave up hope on me. She knew I was struggling and was with me every step of the way. To prevent yourself from ever falling victim to this mentality, humble yourself while you are on the trail. Never think too highly of yourself and remember, you are blessed to be in your position. It is a privilege, not a right. You are human and make mistakes too. If you ever to find yourself in that dark place, please reach out to therapists who can help you rewire your train of thought back to normal and allow you to vent about the struggles you face. What was incredibly beneficial to my healing was Stoic Philosophy, Emotional Intelligence, and Empathy. An easy to read book I highly recommend you to start with is Ego Is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday.
A New Chapter
As you begin the next chapter of your life, hold close the experiences shared and lessons learned from your time on the trail. Although I struggled after leaving my tour as a Drill Sergeant, now that I am 100% again, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. My time as a Drill Sergeant has made me assertive, confident, capable, adaptable, and an asset to any organization. My ability to communicate effectively and clearly is unrivaled. My ability to break things down big ideas and train others with high levels of precision is world class. My ability to inspire others from all walks of life to follow my lead as I adapt to their learning styles and demonstrate true leadership in real time is unmatched. I don’t say this to “toot my own horn”, I say this because that is what you earn when you have put in hard days, weeks, months, and years of your life as a United States Army Drill Sergeant. And this ability can be yours too, you just have to go out there and earn it. Yes, the path is daunting and inspires fear in even the strongest of Soldiers. However, on the other side of fear, there is victory.
THIS WE'LL DEFEND!

This is my comprehensive review regarding prep for taking Step 3 my fellow comrades (Part 1). The reason I typed this up is because something like this was hard for me to find when scouring.
I also am posting a Step 3 day of test taking strategy intertwined into a generalized test taking strategy checklist to success as part of this, which can be used for any big test at a testing center and is more generalizable (Part 2). I believe both are essential to a successful test day. Best of luck to whoever is reading this. You got this.

Part 1: Gathering your study materials and getting after it.

First things first, here was my score Step 3: 22X
Now, before we prepare ourselves mentally and physically, we must gather the resources to begin this journey.
First, let's start with studying and study materials. Before you even buy Uworld and CCS cases, check and see how much education credit you will be receiving in residency. In my case, we received $1,500 which basically covered Uworld (~$500), CCS cases (~$90), and the test itself (~$1,000). I see people wanting to get done Step 3 before residency and I commend that. I believe that is the best option ONLY if you can reach out and ask your residency if they would retroactively cover the costs for you. This is ideally the best option because when you start you won't have much studying time. The second-best option would be to take it in July right before the craziness of residency hits and you still can get the costs covered by the residency program. So, either be ready to take prior to starting ONLY if it's covered or take the first month because why pay for something if it's going to be covered in the future? Either way, I highly recommend doing Step 3 the same year as graduating medical school and that is because you will be amazed by how much information you quickly forget as time goes on. Making it only harder for you because as residency progresses, the less time you will have in life for studying. Get it done ASAP, nothing I recommend higher than that. I am sure glad I did.
Uworld: With that being said above, Uworld is still the best resource and I also highly recommend the biostats add-on (I hit biostats so hard by the time test day rolled around I wanted to see more bio stats questions on test day. This is how hard you should hit it, seriously.)
CCS Cases: Also, I highly recommend CCS cases which is a separate resource because you get an actual grade, compared to the Uworld one which does not provide you with that. It is pretty cheap and well worth the money. I am glad I bought it. You want to start studying for the CCS cases earlier than you think just to get accustomed to how the interface works. Another caveat I recommend is to start with the low yield cases and build up to the high yield cases as you get more confident with the platform and your skills. The reasoning behind this is because the first time you see a case is the most important. The second time doing the same case is not as useful due to developed bias from seeing it the first time.
Biostats: Do not sleep on biostats. Do not sleep on biostats. Do not sleep on biostats. Okay now that we got that out of the way, seriously don’t sleep on it. Utilize one of the popular anki decks for biostats, use the first aid step 1 biostats section, and use the Uworld biostats add-on. Hit it so hard that you want to see more questions on test day.
Bugs + Drugs: My last piece of advice for gathering materials together is to utilize your anki step 3 deck + sketchy bugs and drugs. Bugs and drugs are always high yield, so be confident with these on test day.
Free 120: Save this for a few days to a week beforehand to keep the info fresh in your mind as well as having built up the knowledge to crush the Q’s. You do not want your confidence crushed before going into the exam. (https://orientation.nbme.org/Launch/USMLE/STPF3)
Drugs Ads: You will encounter these on Uworld. Familiarize yourself with these. Be confident in your ability to tackle them on test day as they can make or break your mental strength after finishing a block. Also, very high yield, ALWAYS save the drug ads as your last questions on each block. You can get lost in the weeds with these and will lose crucial time if you do not do so. More importantly, as stated above, do NOT let these affect your mental peace of mind on test day. Do not let one of these sabotage your block by spending too much time on one and then have to rush through the rest of your Q's. I stuck to my strategy of saving these for the end in all blocks except one block I broke my own rule and I noticed it threw off my mental game and performance significantly.
Actual Studying: Now that we have gathered our resources, we move on to actually figuring out studying. Let’s start from actual residency if that's your case because as a 4th year med student you should have all the time in the world to study 😊. So, what I did was hit Uworld hard during a less intense rotation. Whatever that may be for you. In my case it was night shift during IM. 10 question blocks at a time because you never know when you’re going to get called for something. As time progressed, I switched to 40 Q blocks. Alright, now that have you have done most of Uworld, you feel super confident, just about to ready to take, you’re all signed up with a test date, we move on to part 2. Rewinding a bit, I took my test on back-to-back days which I preferred. I know others cannot but if you can I recommend doing it back-to-back. The info is still fresh and your head and mentally you’re prepared for this thing. The last thing you want is to do day 1, go back to work in the hospital for a week or two then repeat. No, you slay the dragon in one fell swoop.

Part 2 – Arguably equally if not more important than part 1 in my opinion.

I would like to provide whoever may need it, with my words of wisdom as well as my pre-game day and game day checklist/rituals. These are all the rituals I have accumulated through the years starting with the MCAT and now through Step 3. This part is intended to hit hard the mental aspect/preparation side of things which are often overlooked and not discussed enough. I believe the mental preparation for such a tremendous task is warranted. So, I prepared what I go through when it comes to prepping for these things. This can be applied to any big, proctored test.
Let's start with the pre-gameday essentials: Before even registering, ask around and look at reviews of the testing centers available to you. The last thing you want is to sit for an exam at a terrible location. Leaving nothing to chance is the goal here.
-Now that you have done your research and signed up you should double check your registration form and confirm the testing center location, ensuring it says the right date/time/and test you are taking. This seems very simple, but it will provide you with peace of mind whether you know it or not. This guide is intended to fully put your brain at ease enabling you to solely focus on crushing your exam and worry about nothing else which can distract you away from this monumental task.
Fast forwarding to the week of/day before
Print out 2 copies of your test certification and put them in a folder: Bring the folder in with you on test day. Why 2 copies? Because you never know if you’ll lose one. You absolutely need this, no exceptions. Sure, you can pull it up on your phone but that takes time. Give yourself peace of mind just in case the internet or your phone isn't working.
State ID or Passport: Please make sure the name on your ID/passport match EXACTLY the one on your certification. Not a single letter or word off. Please make sure these are not expired. I know of 2 examples where one person had an expired ID and the other had a name that did not match exactly but was close and neither were able to sit. I bring both my ID and passport just in case.
Earplugs for test day: I wear the loop brand ones (available on amazon) every night when I sleep which makes it convenient, I already have them. They also have a carrying case. You can bring them in on test day and you can also wear the headphones provided over top to make it extra quiet because there is always an annoying sound during test day. Make sure to wear these when doing your practice test to replicate game day. The cheap little orange foam ones work as well. The clutch thing is combining these with the in-house earphones which makes your environment ultra quiet, enabling you to execute questions with mental precision.
Contacts/glasses: If you wear contacts or glasses don't forget a backup pair.
Very comfortable clothes/shoes: I have lucky clothes I only wear for test day going all the way back to MCAT/Step 1 days. I have a lucky, very comfortable shirt which puts a smile on my face. Find a piece or pieces of clothing that brings you joy. I also maximize my comfy. I go for a baggy T-shirt, very soft/comfy sweatpants, sweatshirt or jacket, and comfy/lucky shoes. The sweatpants are essential. Also, the jacket which is always my patagucci (the new whitecoat, lets be honest) comes in clutch. It's always cold in the testing center so this is important. I even wear my favorite harry potter socks. Getting the clothes right is so important but always looked over. Also, lay out your clothes the night before and plan for 2 days of outfits if you're taking Step 3.
Nutrition: This one is also big time overlooked. I see so many people bring a granola bar for the day and think that's fine? No, this is essential to pay attention to. You need fuel for this marathon of a test day or days. You also need to time it correctly (see below for timing). Don't go too heavy and don't go too light. You don’t want a super carb heavy meal and be tanking halfway through the sections. You also don't want too little and not have enough fuel to push through the finish line. Also, pick the essential quick snack on your other breaks. For me this was gruyere cheese and trader joe's snacks like the coconut strips. For lunch I made pbj sandwiches with a nice diet coke which was perfect for me. Find that meal you love that isn't too much but just right. Remember you're going to be supplementing with snacks in between. This brings me into my next portion which is fluids. Don't go overboard with the fluids. The last thing you want is to have to pee during the middle of a section. I limit my fluid intake in the am, a few sips of water, no coffee. If you NEED coffee and know your bladder timing that's fine, just remember it's a diuretic. During my breaks I have a few sips of water but not too much to prevent the urge to urinate during a section. Get this down to a T, it's so overlooked.
Timing: So important. Whatever test you're taking, make sure you know the break times and what you can and cannot do on your breaks. From there you can start planning how you're going to use your time efficiently. Treat this time as money and be very sparingly with it, utilizing every minute for maximum efficiency.
You should always pull up the test content from the official test maker. In this case, I grabbed the USMLE Step 3 content from their own site.
I’ll talk more about strategy during the day of testing below. For now, think how you want to utilize this time and practice it when you take a full length practice test.
For Step 3 this is directly from the USMLE website and it is as follows
“Exam Format
Step 3 consists of multiple-choice questions (MCQs), also known as items, and computer-based case simulations.
Step 3 is a two-day examination. The first day of testing includes 232 multiple-choice items divided into 6 blocks of 38-39 items; 60 minutes are allotted for completion of each block of test items. There are approximately 7 hours in the test session on the first day, including 45 minutes of break time and a 5-minute optional tutorial. Note that the amount of time available for breaks may be increased by finishing a block of test items or the optional tutorial before the allotted time expires.
There are approximately 9 hours in the test session on the second day. This day of testing includes a 5-minute optional tutorial followed by 180 multiple-choice items, divided into 6 blocks of 30 items; 45 minutes are allotted for completion of each block of test items. The second day also includes a 7-minute CCS tutorial. This is followed by 13 case simulations, each of which is allotted a maximum of 10 or 20 minutes of real time. A minimum of 45 minutes is available for break time. There is an optional survey at the end of the second day, which can be completed if time allows.
Day 1: Step 3 Foundations of Independent Practice (FIP)
This test day focuses on assessment of knowledge of basic medical and scientific principles essential for effective health care. Content areas covered include application of foundational sciences; understanding of biostatistics and epidemiology/population health, and interpretation of the medical literature; and application of social sciences, including communication and interpersonal skills, medical ethics, systems-based practice, and patient safety.
The test day also includes content assessing knowledge of diagnosis and management, particularly focused on knowledge of history and physical examination, diagnosis, and use of diagnostic studies. This test day consists solely of multiple-choice questions and includes some of the newer item formats, such as those based on scientific abstracts and pharmaceutical advertisements.
Day 2: Step 3 Advanced Clinical Medicine (ACM)
This test day focuses on assessment of the ability to apply comprehensive knowledge of health and disease in the context of patient management and the evolving manifestation of disease over time. Content areas covered include assessment of knowledge of diagnosis and management, particularly focused on prognosis and outcome, health maintenance and screening, therapeutics, and medical decision making. Knowledge of history and physical examination, diagnosis, and use of diagnostic studies also is assessed. This test day includes multiple-choice questions and computer-based case simulations.”
If you're not taking step 3 disregard this and proceed below: For Step 3, here is what I did.
Day 1 After the first block, I took a 5 min breather but did not leave the test room. I stood for a little to stretch and got back to it. I would say this is optional. The reason was to save a little time and get in the groove. When you do take breaks, first know how long you want to take each break enabling yourself roughly 15-20 mins. for lunch. Remember this, you get 45 mins amount of break time in total on day 1. Make sure to locate a clock on the wall and know when you have to go back in by adding to that clock’s time. Also, take into account some of the proctors can be slow checking you back in. Each time you leave that test room, when you re-enter, they have to check your pockets, ankles, spin you around, and scan you with a wand. There may be people in front of you, they may be slow or fast. Keep an eye if a line forms, if they are slow or fast again taking this into account. The last thing you want is to lose your time for lunch or even worse, not being able to take a break in-between sections. The breaks in between sections are super important for a mental reset + getting in some fuel. Look at these opportunities as resets. Not enough is talked about when it comes to time management.
For day 2 of Step 3: First, realize day 2 is different. No biostats or drug ads, that's day 1 stuff. Second, we have CCS cases portion. Also, the questions are in 6 blocks with each block consisting of 30 questions and lasting 45 mins. This is compared to Day 1 where we had 6 blocks consisting of 38-40 questions and lasting an hour long each. Now, here is what I did. I utilized pretty much all of the 45 mins for the questions portion of the exam and here’s why. If your CCS cases are ending early, especially the 20 min ones, then that time saved is accrued back in the form of break time. So, by doing this you can mentally get the rest and fuel you need for questions while also stacking your body up to prepare for CCS with all that break time. With CCS you have 13 cases. Your time will keep gaining as they finish early. I believe by the time my day was done I had something like 30 mins of break time left. Prepare for this. I know a lot of people rush these cases, especially if they end early. While I would do like 2-3 in a row, I still would take a mini breather at my computer just to reset. I also would take breaks out of the testing room to go to the bathroom, stretch my legs, eat snacks. Don’t be afraid to do this even as other people are finishing up. Remember, it’s a marathon not a race. Utilize every advantage given to you.
Hygiene/sleep: Again, another overlooked aspect. You want to be as fresh as possible. You will be looking good and feeling good. Get a haircut recently or the day before. If you’re a guy have a cleaned shaved face or touch your beard up. Up. Cut your fingernails and toenails. Absolutely take a shower the night before or the morning of whichever one you prefer. Do not forget to do the essentials like brushing your teeth, deodorant, washing your face, moisturize, all your morning routine stuff.
Remember to sleep well the night before by getting to bed EARLY. Ideally, the week leading up to your exam you should be waking up at the time you will be waking for the test so your body develops the sleep pattern.
How do I carry all this? Well, I have a big tote bag that I put everything in including my snacks, lunch bag, folder, extra clothes, etc. And you ask, but that can't all fit in the locker? Correct. The valuables go in the locker and leave the bag off to the side somewhere out of reach. Nobody is going to mess with your lunch or extra clothes. Just let the person doing the check in know you're going to leave your stuff wherever you put it. I had my lunch box in my tote bag off to the side so when I came in on breaks I didn't have to fool with my locker and could eat right away which maximized my time. If you want to fit it all in your locker that's fine but remember having to unlock and relock will shave some time down. Also, ask them at the testing center if you can get one of the big lockers if you plan to do so.
Clean apartment/house: Make sure your apartment/house is clean the day before you leave. This includes brand-new sheets on the bed, laundry done, dishes clean, dishwasher emptied, kitchen cleaned, bedroom cleaned, floor vacuumed. No messes laying around the house. You want it so that when you leave the day of the test you have an absolute peace of mind that everything is in order in your life. You’re going to have that thought in your mind when you return after a very long test day to an awesome clean house which is an amazing feeling.
Reconnaissance: The day before my test is scheduled I drive to the testing center and scope out the area. I do this to acquaint myself with the drive the following day. Remember, you do not want to be surprised, come test today whatever that may be. Even better if you do it way ahead of time so you can focus on the other things the day before. This may seem ridiculous but remember were building an impenetrable mental fortress not even the USMLE can break on test day.
Full gas tank: Fill your car up with gas the day before. Make sure you have a full tank of gas driving to the test center and back. This again will give you peace of mind by knowing everything is in order and this is one less thing to think about because you need to solely be focusing on the test for your big day. Again, were adding to that mental fortress.
Actual test day: The time has come. You prepared; your mind is in a good worry-free space. All the steps above gave you reassurance you're about to crush this thing. Now we get into the steps for test day + mental readiness. Now, you’ve driven to the test center (already knew the drive from the day before so you’re not caught off guard) and you arrive early. If you have bad test anxiety like me, deep breaths, go to the bathroom if you have to, and don’t rush into anything. Yeah, there is going to be people ahead of you checking in, but you got to focus on YOU. You got to do what YOU got to do. So, now you’re in line and you take out your handy dandy folder with your test certification and State ID (which hasn't expired and matches exactly), you check in, and receive your locker key. It is time to put your valuables in the locker. Do NOT rush into the test room to get checked in. Double check everything is in order. Electronics are off and no electronics on your person. Fit whatever else besides your valuables you want in the locker. Now, like we talked about above with the tote bag (whatever works for you), if it all doesn't fit have no fear, we came prepared if it cannot fit in the locker. Do not let this phase you if it all can't fit. There will be room elsewhere in the testing center.
Mental aspect: Everything I'm going over plays into the mental side of things when it comes to test taking and we've now built our mental fortress with the steps above.
So now its actual test day, you've checked in, got all your items in order, scoped out the bathroom, waited in line, got patted down to enter the test room and proceed to walk in then sit in front of your computer. You sit down and now you want to do these steps.
Close your eyes, take really deep breaths, and try to clear your mind. Envision yourself doing all that studying for the past months/years. Envision yourself crushing this thing. Envision yourself when it comes to a hard question how you're going to tackle it. Envision how the day is going to play out. Remember, nothing will phase you. Mental precision. Mental flow. The USMLE isn't ready for this mental fortress you just built. It's game day. Do all this before you even hit start.
Right before you hit start on the exam: Make sure everything is in order. Earplugs in and you feel comfortable. Before you even hit start you can write down all your formulas for biostats. Once everything has been checked off mentally, take a deep breath and click start.
Congratulations and best of luck: Remember, the last thing you want on test day is to be thrown off by an inconvenience that is not even related whatsoever to this test, whichever one you’re taking. By doing the above you eliminate any surprises that could throw you off. This is the biggest day of your life or year. Come prepared. You will crush this thing and move on to a brighter future. I hope this was helpful for you and best wishes.
-OP

A film noir in CineScope and DeLuxe Color?! Sure, why not!
This was one of the most warm and lively noir films I've seen and I think a lot of that is owed to the fact that the cigarette smoke doesn't play a main character.
Its a product of its time (shrug/sigh) when it comes to Japanese-American relations...but the fact it was shot in Japan, at that time, is very interesting to me especially because this was just 1 year after Seven Samurai.
Stack seems kinda rigid and flat except in his scenes with Yamaguchi. She is lovely throughout. Can AI make a 007 film with her as the Bond girl?
Fuller is a cool cucumber and this is the first time I can remember seeing him on screen. Great villain.
Cameron Mitchell's performance is my favorite. His ability to play the cool gangster, the jealous "ichiban", and the drunk bully was pretty awesome.
Overall, its soft-boiled fiction made for its time, and that's okay. I genuinely liked the story, setting, and characters. I would rewatch this film.
My favorite parts were the ones with Mt. Fuji in the background - even the matte background scenes and the Hitchcock homage.
My least favorite part was the celebration party. The transition from traditional Japanese performance to jazz/swing dance was cheap.
Main takeaway: I still want to climb Mt. Fuji and am growing my hair out to get a WWII haircut. You can't stop me.
Towanda!

​
Okay so...I can believe detectives being dumb by stress or nervousness,but, the case really goes from concrete evidence to circumstancial evidence that support the concrete evidence!yes its a lot to take in but bare with me!The only concrete evidence we got,is the dna from the stamp lick,why?Because theyve been trying so hard to get rid of Arthur Leigh Allen that they forgot that dna wasnt a thing around then!Don cheney came out and said it,that Arthur didnt like licking his own stamps!For what reason?There isnt a single reason he'd do that and even if he did do something,dna again! Wasnt around that time!From there we go to my definite zodiac killer suspect,but bare with me we still gotta prove this! His name is Gary Francis Poste,details you should know: his height was 5'11(180 cm),exactly 175lbs,his appearance was really similar to zodiac killer,He was a painter,discharged from the army,in his 20s-30s(29) around the first killing.He knew explosives,so let me just float you with evidence!We will start with Cheri Jo Bates,but we will end on something really mind-boggling,so...murder happened!The suspect that killed her though was by witness description described: in his 20s at exactly 5'11(180 cm), the weight wasnt described,local police started interviewing RCC students and had begun interviewing military personnel stationed at the nearby March Air Force Base,why am I telling you this? Because Gary was an airforce veteran ! Go figure! What a coincidence!Oh and guess what! The suspect wrote a letter to the police at the time,what a great coincidence of 2 zodiac killers existing right? Wrong!Because then we go to the next murder...Im keeping the best for last eitherways!Possible zodiac victim although done exactly like the murder of Cheri Jo Bates!....Kathleen Johns! What a coincidence again! Dont tell me! Its another zodiac?Suspect,again,described: as in his 30s because years have passed and you guessed it right! 5'10 only one inch less than the suspect actually is! Maybe the witness has temporary blindness or stress(most likely)?Well lets look at real Zodiac Killer murders! Paul Stine! Yes you heard me right! Zodiac killer's last confirmed victim! According to witness the suspect was no more than your typical joe:white male 25-35 years old(how could he be so young rn right?) and about 5'8 to 5'9 not quite the description!But! Wait!There was kind of a search conducted where they hadnt broadcast this guy's face and characteristics right?So why is that important,what happened when the real broadcast came out?Because I mean...it was very similar to the original,what changed?how can I put this? White male,5'10-5'11(exact heght of gary poste),175lbs(exact weight of gary poste),military haircut(eact background),35-45 years old(he would be at the time...)and all of this was tied to the zodiac?Oh come on must be my birthday! Too many coincidences,Wrong!I heard somewhere,when it stacks up like that,becomes evidence!

Hello and welcome to episode 93 in a series inspired by u/kamikazeb0y and CinemaSins, where I'll be sinning each and every episode of Gumball. Quick Disclaimer: I know this is just a children's cartoon and isn't meant to be taken seriously. This, like the show itself, is not at all meant to be taken seriously or considered an actual critique of the show. It is all in good fun. With that out of the way I present you, Everything Wrong With: The Mothers!
[Gumball is making a Mother's Day card in class] Gumball: To the superest mom in the world. Darwin: I think we need more glitter? Gumball: Dude, this is already so shiny, she'll need sunglasses to read it. Darwin: I don't want her to be disappointed like last year. Gumball: What are you talking about? She loved her Mother's Day present! [Turns to flashback, Nicole has her eyes closed] Gumball: You can open your eyes now. Nicole: [Opens eyes] Oh. Wow. An air freshener. Gumball: [Scoffs] No, silly! It's perfume. Try some. Nicole: 'Course. Uh, I'll put some on right away. [Sprays the air freshener in her face. Her eyes tear up and turn red and she starts wheezing] It's...distinctive. [Flashback ends] Awww, the fact Darwin genuinely believes Nicole was disappointed by their gift last year is heartbreaking! Poor guy... +1
I'm sure that, even if their present wasn't the best, she still really appreciated the thought, and that you even went to the effort to get her a present! And she'll love this card too!
Gumball: Well, she won't be disappointed this year! We made the best card. Their card is shown. On it is "Happy Mother's Day" with a muscular Nicole wearing a cape] Awww, seeing them so determined to make their Mom happy on Mother's Day is so adorable! -5
Tobias​: Guys, I'm sorry. But I think there's a mistake on your card. It says, "Superest mom," but I'm afraid mine is. So— [Blows raspberry] Gumball: Dude, there can only be one superest. And the only thing your mom is super at is being super average. So— [Taunts Tobias with weird gestures, then a whistle] Tobias​: What was that? Gumball: I'm not sure. Banana Joe: Your mom's aren't the superest, mine is! It's written right here. Gumball: Dude. Just because you wrote something, doesn't mean it's true. Darwin: What is it anyway? Banana Joe: What do you mean, "What is it?" It's a banana! [He shows his card. On it is "Superest mom" with a sad clown's face. No one says anything, and he puts his arm down] Gumball: Look. I don't wanna break anyone's heart here. But at the max, your moms could be the superest in your neighborhood. Darwin: Well, sometimes, Mrs. Mom drives down their street. Gumball: Oh, yeah, right. Superest mom in your house then, tops. The fact all of them genuinely believe their Mom is best and are arguing over it is just heart-meltingly adorable! If only Nicole, Barbara and Jackie were here to see this! -10
Nicole: It's so nice that we're doing something together on Mother's Day. I can't wait to see what my surprise will be. Is it a back rub? A [Opens her eyes] haircut? [Gasps] I'd love to have it done by a professional this time. The last time you guys did it, I had to wear a back brace, and a wig for a month. Gumball: Why don't you um... look around for a couple of hours? There's a little something we need to do. Nicole: Oh, I see-a surprise! [Giggles] Awww, and it's also really nice seeing Nicole this happy and excited! Ahh this episode is so wholesome so far! -5
Okay, okay, I'd better stop gushing about how adorable this episode and its concepts are and start actually criticizing stuff again otherwise ClokRoo will nag me in the comments about removing too many sins and suggest again for thousandth time that I do a Everything Great With/CInemaWins instead
Okay, where were we? Ah, right. They did a episode mostly set on Mother's Day...and released it in September. Great missed opportunity guys +1
Props to the UK though, we at least released it on the same week as Mother's Day, which although not spot on is more than close enough.
Gumball: Well, did you bring your 'f'? 'Cause you're gonna 'ail'! C'mon, that's really the best you could come up with? You're usually the undisputed king of roasts and insults like these! +1
Banana Joe: [Raises hand] Ooh! Gumball: Yes, Joe? Banana Joe: Does the question have to be related to the game? Gumball: Yes. Yes it does. Any other questions? Banana Joe: [Raises hand] Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Gumball: Yes, Joe? Banana Joe: Is pizza really a vegetable-
What was the point of asking if the question had to be related to the game if you were going to ask an entirely unrelated one anyway? +1
[Nicole takes the escalator, smiling peacefully. Then Tobias turns a knob in the escalator control panel, and the escalator reverses. Nicole notices] Nicole: Uh, hello? I think this thing is broken. [Tobias turns the knob further into reverse. Nicole starts walking upwards, and falls down. She gets up, and runs] Nicole: Hey! Stop! Help! [She hops over other people taking the escalator, and continues running upwards] Nicole: Somebody, DO SOMETHING! [Crashes into Pantsbully and is knocked offscreen] [Despite this, she is able to keep up with the escalator. At the top, Gumball and the rest are watching her] I would say I'm surprised she managed to keep up with this, but this is Nicole Watterson we're talking about so I'm really not. -1
Though you're telling me she somehow didn't see Gumball and Darwin standing next to Tobias at the top of the escalator as he messed with the controls? How? They were only slightly ahead of her +5
[Joe's mom, Banana Barbara, walks around in the supermarket. She stares at everything happily until she gets knocked down by a soda can] Banana Barbara: Ugh!~ [Banana Joe and the rest are hiding behind a stack of boxes, with him holding another can] Darwin: I think you should give her a warning. This seems kind of unfair.[Once again, Joe's mom, now bruised, walks around and stares at everything. She gets hit again] Banana Barbara: Uh! Banana Joe: Heads up! Does...Joe not know what a warning is? +1
[Tobias' mom, Jackie Wilson, is walking in the appliances section. Tobias dumps a refrigerator on her, and she catches it but struggles to lift it up. Gumball, Darwin and Banana Joe gasp. She eventually lifts it up high, making all spectators bulge out their eyes] Tobias​​​​​​: [Laughs] That's one to me! Well, Where'd you think I got my muscles from? Go on, kiss it.
[He shows off his small muscles. Gumball sighs, and everyone leaves Tobias] Tobias​​​​​​: Okay, I'll kiss you. [Kisses] Alright, mom, they've gone now. You can put it down. [His mom throws the refrigerator, and spins it around. It is revealed that the refrigerator is actually just a cardboard cutout. Tobias and his mom laugh maliciously] Tobias​​​​​​: Ahh. Cheating. You know, Tobias even considering having his Mom cheat, let alone actually going through with it, really shows you how little he actually thinks of her. He had so little faith in her winning on her own that he chose to have her try to fraudulently win instead just for...boasting rights? Pretty petty and sad to see really +10
Though, it also shows you just how great Gumball, Darwin and Joe genuinely believe their own mothers are, which is just adorable as hell! -5
Also, it's nice to finally see Jackie getting a go in the spotlight for once after being overshadowed by Harold so much. Shame this is the only major role she ever gets -1
Darwin: Round four: agility! [Gumball knocks over a bottle of oil. Nicole walks over the oil, and manages to surpass the puddle of oil, albeit with struggle. Gumball winks at Tobias. Tobias' mom skates across the oil with a basket. He winks at her. Banana Joe's mom slips and shatters into pieces. Despite this, Banana Joe shows his pride for her] Wait what? I though the format was one mother does one challenge per round. Why has it suddenly changed to all three doing each challenge? +1
Darwin: Round one-hundred and forty-three: intelligence! I thought thirty two was a little absurd. And ninety four was really pushing it. but A HUNDRED AND FOURTY THREE ROUNDS!? Jesus christ, are you try to kill them!? +5
[Banana Barbara tries to get through a revolving door. Frustrated at being unable to, she walks through it while it is rapidly spinning and gets mashed] Banana Barbara has apparently never seen a revolving door before +1
Darwin: [Leg struts with "302" on card] Sensitivity! THREE HUNDRED AND TWO!? How have you even come up with three hundred and two different challenges!? Surely there can't be that many attributes to test! +5
[Banana Barbara plays the piano. On the first notes, the piano breaks and spontaneously catches fire] My god, Barbara is getting absolutely massacred! Yet still she soldiers on. Even if she does end up losing, she's still a winner in my books -1
Darwin: [Off-screen] Accountancy! [Nicole withdraws money from an ATM, but is denied] How did they even achieve this? They had no way of accessing her card so did they just...hope it would decline? What would they have done if it hadn't? +1
[Gumball gives a point to his mom on a scoreboard] What-but...how have they done over three hundred and two challenges but Nicole and Jackie have only scored seven points each!/ There's no possible way they failed THAT many, especially considering Jackie was cheating, Did they just...not keep track for most of them? Kinda ruins the entire point of doing all of this if you aren't gonna accurately track who's winning +1
Also the fact Nicole has kept up with Jackie despite the latter cheating through all of this just goes to show what an incredible Mom she really is! -5
[Jackie downs the entire hot sauce bottle and Karen gawks ar her] Tobias​​​​​​: And Mrs. Wilson wins! [Winks at her] Uh, not yet she fucking hasn't. Nicole still needs to have her go +1
Gumball and Darwin: Mom! You won! Nicole: What? What do you mean? Gumball: We had a competition to decide who was the Superest Mom in the world, and you won! [Shows mother's day card] Nicole: Guys, I'm no superhero.
Gumball: But you are! You've endured all the trials we've put you through and succeeded! The escalator, the oil, the shelves-everything! Nicole: [Chuckling] Oh, I see. Come closer. Would a superhero do this? [Angrily yells] GET IN THE CAR! YOU'RE GROUNDED! Awwww, come on! I get they put her through a lot, but they did so out of love and admiration for her, to prove to their friends what an awesome mother she is! And they were so genuinely excited and thrilled that you won! They put so much effort into the card too! I can get still being a little annoyed at them over it, but grounding them after such adorable and heartwarming reasoning is so cruel! +10
[Gumball and Darwin walk to the car] Gumball: How can we make it up to her? Awww, and they feel so bad too! I'm really hoping Nicole ungrounded them after all of this... -1
Darwin: How about we just sit in the car, and do as she says for once? Gumball: Nah, she'll be expecting that. Darwin: I'm pretty sure she wouldn't. Darwin would be good at CinemaSins +1
[Gumball sees a Mother's Day banner on a nearby car park. We then see Gumball and Darwin painting on it while on a lift] Gumball: That should do it. [Reads painted message on banner] "You're Super, Mom. Happy Mother's Day. We're sorry." Darwin: Dude, it says here this can only support one person. I mean it's been fine so far, hasn't it? Plus you're done. You can just...ride it down and get off now +1
Gumball: What a real man does when he's in trouble. MOMMY! HELP! MOM! MOM! Darwin: Dude, there's no point in screaming. Mom's at the mall, on the other side of the parking lot. She can't hear you. Dude, this is Nicole Watterson you're talking about. She could sense you were in trouble whilst she was far away at work. She's rapidly aged someone just by looking at them. She's leapt off the parking lot roof without a single moment of hesitation before. I don't think it's that far of a stretch to believe that she'd able to hear or sense that you were in trouble +5
Also, I don't know why they're scared of failing when they've fallen from much higher, crashed into the ground at high speed, and brushed it off like nothing had happened before. They are in literally zero danger right now +1
Nicole: Did you hear that? Blue Elephant: Hear what? Nicole: [Throws her sheet around her back into a cape] My kids are in danger. [One of her curlers pops out leaving a curl in her hair as she runs to rescue her boys] Hahahahaha**, going the extra mile to have Nicole as a Superman (or Supergirl technically) parody is awesome! -1**
Gumball: I think if I pull myself onto that ledge, then I can backflip over that railing then vault over to that open window. I know you're not as athletic as me, so just hang on in there, buddy. I'll come back for you. [Strains himself to get to the nearest ledge but fails] Hahahahaha, gotta love the classic Gumball ego! -5
Billy: Mother, look! Is it not a bird? Is it not a plane? in case you didn't get the earlier Superman reference, here's the writers practically spelling it out for you +1
Nicole: KIDS! What floor are you on? Gumball: [Off-screen] It's about level 32! [Nicole looks at a sign labeling her current floor as "3", making her sigh in exasperation and run up the stairs] Surely there was a lift she could have taken, right? +1
Gumball: I'm okay! But Darwin isn't as athletic as me, he won't be able to hold on much longer! Nicole: Hang tight! [She grabs a fire hose and ties it to her body just as the banner completely tears, leaving Gumball and Darwin screaming as they plummet towards the street. Nicole jumps off the nearest ledge, and the fire hose swings her down towards the boys. She successfully catches them and they swing down to the pavement while Gumball keeps screaming, unaware that he has been saved] Awwww, Gumball trying to act all brave and strong and then continuing to scream in fear like this is both adorable and hilarious! +1
Nicole: Kids, that was very dangerous. I know you were just trying to do something special for me, but- Gumball: But you proved you're the Superest Mom in the World! Banana Joe: [To Barbara] You're the Superest Mom. At least in my heart. Banana Barbara: No, you're the Superest Mom. AWWWWWWWWW -5
Tobias​​​​​​: And here's your Superest Mom card. Jackie​​​​​​: Oh, thank y- [Tobias proceeds to angrily tear up the card before his mom can take it] God DAMN. This was INCREDIBLY disrespectful! Not to mention ungrateful as fuck! Someone needs to teach Tobias some god damn manners! +20
Nicole: Now, kids, you really can do something for me. Gumball: Anything. Nicole: Help me to the car, I think I put my back out. [The fire hose roller Nicole is tied to detaches] Darwin: But you're a superhero. Gumball: Yeah, you're invincible! Awwwwwwww, the fact they genuinely believe this is beyond adorable! -10
Nicole: Kids, for the last time I am not a superhero. I just did what any mom would do. Now, come on. Let's go home! [Gets hoisted upwards by the fire hose as if she were doing a superhero takeoff, just as the hose roller hits the ground] Well, that's one way to put her back back in again +1
Total Sins: 15
Most Sinned Episode So Far: The Hero (1,490,894) Least Sinned Episode: The Kids (-230)
Previous Episodes: https://www.reddit.com/gumball/comments/1b6rx34/eww_the_allergy/
Next Episode: https://www.reddit.com/gumball/comments/1bz2hkl/eww_the_password/

In true Toronto millennial fashion, I'm spending more than 50% of my monthly take-home pay on housing. I'm still doing okay (I think?), but things I really want (a dog) remain frustratingly out of reach. I may be a victim of lifestyle creep.
Lately I've been feeling morose about the fact that I'm almost 32 and alone in the world with no pets/children/husband/etc.
There's no one in my life I can really talk to about money, and I have no idea what I'm doing. Do you need to be rich to benefit from a financial advisor? Am I saving enough? How do you become 'good' at money?
I've been debating taking on a roommate, because another ~$1k a month would be great. No one here can tell me whether the love/joy a dog would bring to my life is worth the hassle of a roommate, but want a gut check on my overall financial situation.
OVERVIEW

• early 30s, single female in Toronto
• $4700 in take-home pay a month
• 10% bonus annually - 1/3 goes to TFSA, 1/3 to emergency fund, 1/3 to fun fund
• any 'surplus' in my budgeted money at the end of the year gets split 50/50 between my emergency fund and my fun fund
• $350k remaining on mortgage (3bed/2ba stacked townhome) - down payment was funded via a combination of my savings and an inheritance
• Currently have $18k in my emergency fund (HISA), $38k in a TFSA (ETFs), $22k in RRSPs, and $2.5k in my 'fun fund'
• A lot of my fun fund got spent last year being a bridesmaid in the world's most expensive wedding (it cost $5k, kill me)
• I estimate that the 'carrying costs' of a dog would be ~$350 a month (insurance, food, walkeoccasional daycare) plus I'd like to set aside an additional $100 a month for unexpected dog expenses - dog owners, does that seem fair to you?
• Really want a dog within the next two years

MONTHLY BUDGET
Housing

• Mortgage: $1500 mortgage
• Other fixed home expenses (maintenance fees, property tax, utilities, insurance): $950

Basics

• Groceries: $400
• Vehicle: $385 (gas and insurance- car is paid off.)
• Internet: $75
• Phone: work pays
• note I drive, walk or ride my bike everywhere. I haven't been on the TTC since 2018 out of sheer stubbornness. I Uber very rarely (approx 8 round trips a year)

Discretionary

• Personal Care: $115 (toiletries, skincare, haircuts, waxing, etc.)
• Clothing: $125
• Entertainment: $225 (eating out, concerts, baseball games, minor hobby expenses)
• Subscriptions: $25 (Strava, plus one streaming service at a time)
• Charitable donations: $25

Other

• Therapy: $25 of my own money, work pays for the rest
• Bike: $25 for maintenance gets set aside monthly, but that's paid for out of my work wellness subsidy (not out of my take-home pay)
• Slush Fund: $150 (gifts, any minor unexpected expenses - 50% of whatever isn't spent gets put into emergency fund at the end of the month, remainder gets pushed forward to pay for Christmas/weddings)

Savings

• Fun Fund: $325 (travel, major hobby expenses)
• TFSA: $375
• RRSP/company stock: $480 (not counted in my take-home pay)
• company match: $480 (paid by my company, not in my take-home pay)

The curtain is closing on FBE, and it doesn’t really feel real. Five years have all been leading up to this, a month to celebrate everything good about this place before we head into a new era. Even though I’m the one that set this into motion (Kirk is writing this), this is a little bittersweet. But the only way to properly say goodbye is to make sure that you say it without any items left on the bucket list, and I think we’ve come pretty close. STEEZ has always wanted to book an entire career, and I love booking John Cena, so this is the perfect way to close things out for us. Big thanks to Ape and MGT for facing us. It’s been a pleasure being a part of FBE, it’s been a pleasure booking with STEEZ, and it’s been a pleasure meeting all (most) of you. One last time, before the curtain closes, let’s get right into this.
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There’s one question that every single wrestling fan has their own answer to. Who is the absolute greatest to ever do it? There’s plenty of wrong answers, of course, but there’s no true right one. Some people might say that it’s Mitsuharu Misawa, or any of his contemporaries in the Four Pillars, due to how they revolutionized the way that stories are told in the ring, the way that every strike they threw had years of history and hatred simmering behind it. Some might say Bryan Danielson, because he’s been successful everywhere he’s been, capturing the hearts of both little kids that see WWE as a synonym for wrestling as a whole and indie smarks that stopped watching ROH when it went to HDNet because it got “too corporate”. Some people might say Steve Austin, because of how much of a pure cultural icon he was, making sure that you couldn’t walk around the block without seeing at least one Austin 3:16 shirt. Some people say Hulk Hogan. Some people say Antonio Inoki. Some people say Terry Funk. El Santo. Manami Toyota. Randy Savage. Kazuchika Okada. Kenny Omega. Bret Hart. Shawn Michaels. Ric Flair.
John Cena.
It’s hard to argue with anybody that has Big Match John as their GOAT. It’s impossible to tell the story of professional wrestling without him. Sure, people hated him for a large part of his peak, and sure, he had the machine behind him. However, if being the GOAT is about being the total package, he’s extremely difficult to deny. As much as some people might hate to admit, he has a pile of classics under his belt. He grew up as a legitimate wrestling fan, so he didn’t just do it for the money, but he had the look of somebody who did. Impossibly strong, cared about the business, and as far as mic skills go, he’s made it a habit to dismantle up-and-coming stars within the span of a single segment. He acts like a top guy should act outside the ring, he has legitimate crossover appeal, and despite becoming MORE Hollywood, often a death knell for wrestlers, he managed to win back the fans that hated him forever.
As professional wrestling has evolved, and in some ways, strayed from what it used to aim to accomplish, Cena has been one of the only links to the past. A hero in an era where heroism is seen as too earnest. John Cena, a character with flaws, but despite the colourful attire and the PG-ification, one of the realest characters ever. Stubborn enough to be good in the face of thousands of people daring him to be bad. 300 nights on the road a year, facing boos 99% of the time, and CHOOSING to keep being John Cena. He looked cynicism and negativity right in the eyes every night and told it to go fuck itself. People are incapable of changing the root of who they are, yet wrestlers seem to do it all the time. Not John Cena.
We’re not trying to pretend like Cena’s career has been perfect. It hasn’t been. There are many, many things that have gone wrong. Bad booking, unnecessary wins, no-selling, lame feuds. Those aren’t really Cena’s fault, but they’re a part of his legendary career. But we believe that John Cena deserves better. John Cena is one of the greatest wrestlers to ever step foot in a squared circle, and while his career has been great, it could have been better. There’s no such thing as a time machine, but we have this. We have one last booking, we have one month to cap off a huge chapter of our lives. We’re here to rebook John Cena’s career, and you best fucking believe that we’re doing it right. No fucking bullshit, no fucking fat. The greatest booking of all time, for the man who may very well be the greatest wrestler of all time. This is The Franchise: Fixed.
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SmackDown! - June 27, 2002 [Allstate Arena Rosemont, IL]
“What’s your name, son?”
The kid in the middle of the ring looks cocky, but inside, he’s terrified. This isn’t Ohio Valley Wrestling. This isn’t Leviathan staring him down, this isn’t Mr. Black or some other schmuck. This is Kurt Angle, one of the greatest wrestlers in the world. Legitimately dangerous, a Gold Medalist. This isn’t a step up in competition. This is an entire elevator.
He lifts the microphone up to his lips, and professional wrestling will never be the same again.
“My name is John Cena!”
Kurt Angle laughs. Who is this guy? Goofy little red spandex shorts, a dumb haircut. Jacked to the gills, but how do we even know there’s skill behind it? Kurt decides to test the kid, just to see if he’s even worth this match.
“What is the ONE quality that you possess that makes you think you’re worthy of stepping into this ring with me?”
The kid has a name now. John Cena knows what he’s about to do.
“Ruthless. Aggression!”
He slaps the taste out of Angle’s mouth, knocking him right on his ass. The bell rings. John Cena has arrived.
John Cena vs. Kurt Angle
Cena takes top mount and immediately starts raining down punches, trying to separate Kurt Angle’s consciousness from his body. Angle, one of the greatest Olympic wrestlers to ever live, tries to transition, but Cena is wise beyond his years and gets the hell out of dodge. He continues to piece Angle up on his feet, until Angle manages to get the ankle pick and lock in his feared Ankle Lock.
The crowd groans, knowing that this is it for Young Cena. But they knew wrong, as the kid in red spandex shows incredible heart, clawing his way to the bottom rope and holding on for dear life! Angle looks shell shocked! Who the FUCK is this kid?!
As the match goes on, Cena just keeps on getting the better of his much more experienced opponent. The crowd begins to wonder if he might actually pull off the impossible. Kurt Angle starts to get worried about the same thing. Cena? He hasn’t dared to think about the future, and he has no past. John Cena lives in the present.
Cena levels Angle with a huge Lariat, and then drops him high on his shoulders with a picture-perfect German Suplex. Now, he’s going for the kill. The issue? He doesn’t really have a finisher. He could go for the Proto-Bomb, the move that won him the OVW Championship, but that just seems a little bit quaint for such a huge moment. He hasn’t adopted any of the moves that’ll one day make him famous. He finally settles on something, but he took just a little bit too much time to decide. As he reaches down, Kurt Angle falls back on his grappling ability, sinking in his hooks like an octopus. Inside cradle. Cena has no chance. One…Two…Three. The crowd deflates, Cena punches the mat in anger, and Kurt Angle doesn’t dare celebrate. If this kid managed to do that to him on his first night, what the fuck is he going to be able to do in a couple of months, let alone a couple of years?
Kurt Angle def. John Cena in 5:18
John Cena walks backstage, and there’s a line-up of other professional wrestlers clapping for him. They’re applauding his effort, they like what they just saw. They think that he’s a star in the making, they think he has endless potential. Billy Kidman, Hardcore Holly, The Hurricane, just a few of the names that he’s able to pick out of the crowd. As far as he can see, he can spot guys that he’s watched on tape, studying them, imagining what he’d do if he were to ever step into the ring with them. And you know what? It makes him sick. This isn’t what he wanted. He wanted to win. All of this is just icing on the shittiest cake ever. John Cena is mad. He doesn’t want to have promise. He doesn’t want to have potential. Ruthless Aggression isn’t supposed to take him to the prospect list, it’s supposed to take him to the top.
Cena walks to the back of the procession, and he looks up, right into the eyes of the biggest star there. He looks up at the Undisputed World Heavyweight Champion. He looks up at The Undertaker. The Undertaker extends his hand. “That was somethin’ out there, kid. You’re gonna be great one day.” Cena stares at The American Badass’ hand. He doesn’t shake it. “You’re wrong about one thing. I’m great now.” Undertaker laughs and retracts his hand. “You think so? Kid, you’re GOOD. Great is something you earn, and you ain’t earned nothin’ yet. If you were great, you would’ve won tonight. If you were great, you’d have that World Title strapped ‘round your waist. You don’t. So a little word of advice, don’t try to talk trash to somebody that could put your ass in an early grave.”
Cena clenches his jaw, trying to look tough. “Okay, old man. How about you try to put me down next week? I bet you I’ll knock your jaw clean off.” The veteran chuckles at the inexperienced shit-talk from the young man looking up at him. “Okay. See you next week…I’m sorry, what was your name again?” Cena opens his mouth to re-introduce himself, but before he can get his words out, Taker has already turned his back and walked away. Is John Cena ready for the big time, or will The Undertaker show him that he’s still got a hell of a lot left to learn?
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SmackDown! - July 4, 2002 [Fleet Center Boston, MA]
John Cena vs. The Undertaker (c) - Non-Title
What a world. It’s the Fourth of July, the most patriotic day of the year, and for an America-Loving young man like John Cena, life is good. He gets to wrestle in his home city, an entire crowd behind him, in just his second WWE match ever. Not just that, but he’s taking on the World Champion, The Undertaker. How many people can say that in just two matches, they get a crack at the toughest dude in the company? Not very many, but John Cena can. Sure, it’s non-title, but who knows what could be in store for him if he manages to pull off the upset somehow?
Of course, The Undertaker is not one to take prisoners. He starts beating Cena to a pulp from the opening bell. Cena isn’t able to strike like he did against Angle, because he’s facing THE BEST PURE STRIKER IN THE WWE! He can’t resort to grappling, considering the size differential. But John Cena has something that will serve him well for the rest of his career: heart. It’s why he’s able to reverse a Last Ride attempt with a Hurricanrana and keep fighting. It’s why he’s able to knee his way out of a Tombstone Piledriver attempt and keep fighting. It’s why, when the champion grabs his throat for a Chokeslam, he’s able to kick Undertaker’s knee out from under him and bloody his nose up with a Flying Shoulder Tackle. Eventually, showing off immense strength, he actually lifts The Undertaker up! Fireman’s Carry position! What could happen next?
The answer isn’t a storybook ending. The answer is that Undertaker elbows his way down, picks Cena up, plants him with the Last Ride and covers him for the win. After the match, Taker’s upcoming Vengeance opponent, Kurt Angle, comes to stare him down. However, Angle keeps on averting his gaze. He’s distracted. He just can’t seem to ignore that annoying little plucky upstart walking his way to the back. Kurt Angle just can’t seem to shake the feeling that he hasn’t seen the last of John Cena.
The Undertaker def. John Cena in 7:09
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Vengeance - July 21, 2002 [Joe Louis Arena Detroit, MI]
Behind every great PPV card is a million wrestlers upset that they didn’t get a chance to showcase their abilities. These men and women grind, and bleed, and sweat, and sometimes they don’t even get the big show paycheck to make it all worth it. House show hours don’t translate to spotlights. So, the WWE has a little consolation prize for all of these hardworking talents that didn’t manage to secure a place on the Vengeance card. Not a battle royale, but something even better. A weightlifting competition hosted by Jonathan Coachman! There are a few names that seem out of place, like The Hurricane, Billy Kidman, and Johnny Stamboli struggle to lift heavier weights and flame out early on. Jamal puts up a good fight, and Crash Holly, despite being unable to lift heavy weights, refuses to accept the fact that he’s been eliminated.
However, the contest comes down to two men. There’s one very expected contender, by far the biggest star here, both figuratively and literally, The Big Show. He’s lifting these weights like they’re empty boxes. There’s only one man here that’s managing to keep up with the big bastard whatsoever, and that’s John Cena! This young upstart is visibly jacked, but nobody in attendance knew that he was THIS strong! As he goes plate for plate with the fat fucking giant, the crowd begins getting more and more shocked! John Cena squats 350! Big Show squats 375! Cena squats 400! This is a war of attrition, every eliminated competitor watching on in disbelief!
After both men put up a 450 pound squat, though, Jonathan Coachman has some bad news. They’ve run out of weight, so it seems like they’ll have to call this one a draw! The crowd groans, and a disappointed Big Show turns to walk to the back. John Cena, though, has other ideas. He quickly PICKS BIG SHOW UP! FIREMAN’S CARRY! AS THE 500 POUND MAN FLAILS, CENA SQUATS HIM AND SETS HIM DOWN! Coachman has no choice but to declare him the victor, an unbelievably bold feat of strength! His boldness is appreciated by the paying public, but not so much by Mr. Heel Turn himself. Big Show takes offense and lays Cena out with a right hand to the jaw, before throngs of security get between the two of them!
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On SmackDown!, we get a recap of both John Cena’s tremendous strength and Big Show’s humongous ego. Then, we get a quick little vignette, as John responds to what happened at Vengeance. He says that if Big Show truly had a winner’s attitude, he’d see John Cena’s quick-thinking as a virtue and congratulate him on the win like a man. Instead, he decided to be a little bitch big bitch about it and spoil the moment. For the first time in his young career, John Cena has real beef with somebody. He won a strongman competition against the World’s Largest Athlete, but he wants to whoop him in the ring too. “I’m offering you a great opportunity, Big Show. If you want, you get to go down in history as John Cena’s first PPV match. On top of that, you get to go down in history as John Cena’s first PPV win. Be a man and show up at SummerSlam.”
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SummerSlam - August 21, 2002 [MCI Center Washington, DC]
John Cena vs. Big Show
Living out your childhood dream is something that very few people get to achieve in their lifetimes. It’s nice to dream, of course, but how many people can say that they actually ended up doing what their heart craved for so many years? Tonight, John Cena becomes one of the lucky few. He gets a chance to live out a fairy tale story against a giant, but in real life the knight in shining armor doesn’t always manage to overcome the giant. Will John Cena manage to win his very first match on a big stage, or will BIg Show manage to get revenge for the embarrassment that he suffered at the hands of this insolent rookie at Vengeance? From the opening bell, John Cena refuses to wrestle like the smaller man, trying to go blow for blow with Show, confident after outlifting him at Vengeance.
The issue with his strategy is that Big Show knows how to box, so he pieces poor Cena up on the feet, busting up his nose! Show is exacting his revenge, one strike at a time, and now Cena is forced to wrestle more evasively, throwing basement dropkicks, chopblocks and leg kicks, doing his very best to take the giant’s base out from under him. His strategy works when Big Show tries to lift him up for a Gorilla Press, but loses his footing due to his bad knee, allowing Cena to take top mount and rain elbows down upon his ginormous opponent! Cena wants to showboat a bit, and he lifts Show onto his shoulders and starts squatting! This cocky bastard might actually do it! But Big Show sneaks in a shot to the bloody nose, bringing Cena down! Show drags him up, plants him with a Chokeslam, drapes his 500 pound frame on top of Cena, and that’s all she wrote!
Big Show def. John Cena in 8:55
Later on in the night, Kurt Angle walks backstage dejected. He just lost a WWE Championship Match against The Undertaker for the second PPV in a row. His head is down, his eyes are welling up…and then he sees him. That little prick. That little cocksucker. There’s a crowd of people watching him, probably a hundred eyes, and Kurt Angle is laser-focused on two in particular. John Cena is watching him, and the motherfucker is smirking. Smirking. What gives him the right to do that? This upstart should be wrestling on Velocity and lacing boots, and yet somehow he just manages to piss Angle off so damn much. He hasn’t won a single goddamn match yet! Kurt Angle doesn’t have time to justify what he’s doing before he actually does it. The Olympic Gold Medalist charges across the room. He shoves Ivory out of the way, and she hits the floor. He doesn’t even notice. He double legs Cena and starts throwing elbows at him, trying to bludgeon the nose that was already busted open earlier tonight.
Kurt Angle is screaming at John Cena. “Who are you, huh? Who are you?” The crowd descends upon him as he continues directing the point of his elbow as hard as he can at Cena’s face. He’s counting out the shots, and he doesn’t even know why, because he doesn’t plan on stopping. Not ever. Cena’s head rattles against the concrete floor as dozens of arms wrap around Kurt, working hard to drag him away. Suddenly, he feels weightless. He can’t resist, there’s just too many people dedicated to getting him away. To his dismay, he watches as John Cena sits up, still conscious. His teeth are stained with blood, the back of his head feels like it has a heartbeat, and every beat hurts. A winless rookie, beaten within an inch of his life, knocked on his ass, and what does he do? What nobody else would do in this situation. He smiles at Kurt Angle, and Kurt Angle dies inside.
---
​
When the footage of Kurt Angle’s savage attack gets released, the Olympic Gold Medallist is asked to explain himself, and he barely can. He claims that John Cena is a thorn in his side, when John Cena has only ever confronted him once. He claims that John Cena is a cocky little prick, and while that may be true, Kurt Angle certainly isn’t one to talk. Angle can’t really justify his reasoning. Not to himself, not to the world. John Cena just makes him angry. John Cena is a threat, but Angle can’t admit that. He settles on one explanation. “He needs to be put in his place.” Kurt Angle will get his opportunity to put John Cena in his “place” at Unforgiven. Sure, it’s a little bit of a step down in competition considering the fact that he had a World Title shot last PPV, but this match means the world to Angle.
It means the world to John Cena, too. “When I debuted, Kurt Angle asked me what my name was. He called me son, and then I gave him a tougher match than he expected. He beat me, sure, but look at what I did to him. He attacks me backstage at Vengeance, he says that he’s gotta put me in my place? All I did was wrestle him, and now he’s all obsessed with me and everything. I know why. He’s scared that I’m the guy that’s gonna take his spot. You see, when I said that I bring ruthless aggression to the table, I wasn’t lying. Big Show busted my nose wide open, and I loved that feeling. Kurt Angle sees me smiling through all of this, and he knows that he just isn’t tough enough to love it like I do. So all that talk about putting me in my place shows that he knows nothing about me, because if that place is the deep waters, the bright lights, and all the pain that comes with it, then that’s where I wanna be. I’m John Cena, and Kurt Angle, I’m gonna make damn sure that you never have to ask what my name is again.”
​
​
Unforgiven - September 22, 2002 [Staples Center Los Angeles, CA]
John Cena vs. Kurt Angle
Before the match, Kurt Angle stares Cena down from across the ring, a cold killer’s expression marked on his face, while Cena looks exceedingly calm. The bell rings, and ANGLE RUSHES ACROSS THE RING TO DOUBLE LEG CENA! Immediately, the Olympian takes Top Mount and starts throwing the same elbows that he busted Cena up with backstage at SummerSlam! But it seems like Cena expected this, because after the first couple catch him square in the forehead, he begins to parry them! Cena shifts to the side quickly, and Angle elbows the mat as a result of this dodge. Cena wraps his right leg around Angle’s torso and grabs a sort of Guillotine Choke with his right arm, before pushing off with his left side, rolling through and taking the Top Mount himself! That’s outrageous, he just managed to out-wrestle one of the greatest wrestlers ever! Cena doesn’t even strike from the top, he just flashes a shit-eating grin at Angle, and Kurt shoves him away, more pissed off than he’s ever been!
Angle pops up to his feet and aims a kick at the skull of the seated Cena, but Cena quickly lays down to avoid the kick. Kurt’s a crafty competitor, though, quickly PLANTING HIS FOOT RIGHT ON CENA’S CHEST, DAMN NEAR STOMPING A MUDHOLE IN HIM! Cena folds on the mat, and Kurt isolates his leg, stepping over and WRENCHING on it! Single Leg Boston Crab, and there’s no showboating, no theatrics, no mercy. He’s twisting the leg as much as he can, he wants Cena to tap out NOW. He wants Cena to go home embarrassed. Unfortunately for Kurt, Cena manages to roll on his stomach and push him away with his legs. As Johnny Boy limps to a standing base, though, Kurt immediately rushes in and launches him with a Belly-to-Belly Suplex! Lifts him back up, secures a waistlock, plants his feet, and SENDS HIM FLYING WITH A RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX THAT SENDS CENA CRASHING HIGH ON HIS SHOULDERS! This is the Kurt Angle that we all know, and there’s a scary look in his eyes. He sees John Cena as nothing but prey right now.
Angle isn’t interested in going for a cover just yet, he wants to inflict more punishment on this upstart that he hates so much. As John crawls to his knees, Angle grabs his arm and starts bending it! STANDING KIMURA! Cena does a forward roll to escape, but Angle presses his weight down on Cena to make sure that he stays on his ass, before applying a Rear Chinlock. Cena tries to sprawl away, and Angle forces him to turtle, before spinning into a sort of North-South Position and THROWING KNEES THAT CONNECT WITH CENA’S SKULL! The young man is getting absolutely toyed with here, this is a Kurt Angle masterclass! Cena tries to back away, getting to his feet for a moment while Angle holds him with a Muay Thai grip, before suddenly shooting for a single leg! Cena defends well, but Angle quickly changes course, and before Cena even knows what’s happening, HE’S IN THE AIR FOR A NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX! BRIDGE PIN! ONE…TWO…Cena gets the shoulder up, and Angle rolls through, lifting Cena up and grabbing a Front Chancery before PLANTING HIM AGAIN WITH A HATCH SUPLEX! Cover! One…Two…NO!
Cena’s in deep waters, and as he tries to crawl away, Angle grabs a waistlock and lifts Cena to his feet. Kurt looks for a Hammerlock, but Cena quickly launches his elbow back, catching Angle in the brow and FINALLY creating some separation! He’s free, but he’s exhausted! Angle darts at him, but John throws a perfectly-timed right hand that staggers his opponent! Cena throws another, and another, and another! He’s got a rhythm going! He wants to knock Kurt to the ground, so instead of staying consistent and throwing medium power punches, he steps back, charges up, and goes for a fastball! The haymaker is DUCKED BY ANGLE, WHO SHOOTS IN AND IMMEDIATELY THROWS CENA FOR A LOOP WITH YET ANOTHER BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEX! Cena lands hard, but he’s still able to move, so move he does! Cena pops up, to Angle’s shock and chagrin, and THROWS A HUGE LARIAT, FAST ENOUGH THAT KURT CAN’T DODGE IT! KURT GOES DOWN IN A FLASH, BUT CENA’S LEGS GIVE OUT TOO! LUCKILY FOR HIM, HE LANDS ON ANGLE, AND THE REFEREE COUNTS! ONE…TWO…AND KURT GETS THE SHOULDER UP! The crowd starts to chant Cena’s name, and he begins to stir, but he can barely lift his face off of the canvas at this point!
As the crowd continues to will Cena on, he finally regains his footing, right as Angle manages to get to his knees! Cena starts throwing more punches at Angle’s jaw, ramping up in speed and intensity as the crowd oohs and ahs with every shot! Angle’s rocked bad, BUT HE’S NOT DEAD, AND HE SHOOTS IN FOR AN ANGLE SLAM! HE MANAGES TO GET CENA UP, BUT THE ROOKIE THRASHES AND THROWS PUNCHES FROM THE AIR, FORCING ANGLE TO DROP HIM! Cena throws another big Lariat, but Angle ducks it and knees him in the gut, bending him over FOR A POWERBOMB! CENA THROWS HIS MOMENTUM BACK AND SENDS ANGLE TO THE CORNER WITH A HURRICANRANA! CENA’S FEELING IT! STINGER SPLASH, FLATTENING THE FORMER CHAMPION, AND FOLLOWS IT UP WITH A BULLDOG! COVER! ONE…TWO…AND KURT KICKS OUT! Cena is undeterred, though, and he lifts Kurt to his feet, lifting him up AND PLANTING HIM WITH THE PROTO-BOMB, HIS OLD OVW FINISHER! THIS HAS PUT DOWN MANY MEN, WILL IT PUT DOWN THE OLYMPIC HERO? ONE…TWO…TH-NOOO!!!
Cena pounds the mat in anger, he wants this bad, and it’s close enough that he can fucking TASTE IT! Once again, he lifts Kurt to his feet, and Angle looks like a fish out of water, gasping for air, beat up, somehow getting outmatched by a total rookie with no wins to his name! Cena, mustering up every last ounce of strength, LIFTS ANGLE UP FOR A GERMAN SUPLEX! THE BACK OF ANGLE’S HEAD COLLIDES HARD WITH THE MAT, AND CENA MAINTAINS CONTROL OF THE WAIST! HE ROLLS THROUGH, STEADIES HIMSELF, AND LIFTS ANGLE HIGH INTO THE AIR WITH A SECOND GERMAN SUPLEX! THIS TIME, HE BRIDGES FOR THE PIN! ONE…TWO…THR-AND SOMEHOW, KURT ANGLE IS STILL KICKING! BUT HE DOESN’T HAVE CONTROL, AS CENA ROLLS THROUGH ONCE MORE, THROWING ANGLE HIGH ABOVE HIS HEAD FOR A THIRD GERMAN SUPLEX! BUT ANGLE MANAGES TO LAND ON HIS FEET, INCREDIBLE ATHLETICISM! BEFORE JOHN EVEN KNOWS THAT HIS SUPLEX HAS BEEN COUNTERED, KURT REACHES DOWN, GRABS HIS FOOT, AND TRIPS HIM RIGHT UP! AN ANKLE PICK, AND HE TURNS IT RIGHT INTO AN ANKLE LOCK! HE’S WRENCHING HARD ON THAT ANKLE, AND CENA IS SCREAMING IN AGONY!
Cena is in unfathomable pain, every muscle in his body screaming as he tries his very best to make his way to the shelter that is the bottom rope! Kurt tries to prevent getting pulled to the ropes with Cena, but John Cena is one hard-headed, determined son of a bitch, and he plants his forearms hard on the mat, DRAGGING HIMSELF TO THE BOTTOM ROPE INCH BY INCH! HE’S A FINGERTIP AWAY, AND ANGLE DOES HIS BEST TO PULL HIM BACK TO THE MIDDLE, BUT CENA MANAGES TO GET A HOLD OF IT AS THE CROWD GOES APESHIT, AND WHILE A FURIOUS KURT HOLDS ON UNTIL THE REF’S COUNT HITS FOUR! Cena grabs the middle rope, trying desperately to pull himself up, in a terrible state. Kurt Angle HATES John Cena, and as he steps back, he prepares to lunge forward with every ounce of “fuck you” flowing through his blood! He winds up AND DELIVERS A CRUSHING SOCCER KICK TO CENA’S SKULL, A SICKENING THUD THAT SOUNDS LIKE THE CRACK OF A WHIP REVERBERATES THROUGHOUT THE ARENA! FUCK TECHNIQUE, FUCK THE ART OF WRESTLING, THE SPORT OF WRESTLING - THAT WAS A DAMNED EXECUTION! JOHN CENA IS SLUMPED OVER ON THE MIDDLE ROPE, AND ANGLE LOWERS HIS SINGLET STRAPS! HE UNLEASHES A PRIMAL SCREAM, ALL OF THE HATRED THAT HE CARRIES FOR THIS UPSTART SON OF A BITCH RELEASED WITH IT! DRAGS CENA’S CARCASS UP, AND NOW HE’S READY TO TURN IT INTO A CORPSE! ANGLE SLAM! HITS IN! ROLLS INTO A DEEP COVER, BUT THE REF COULD COUNT TO A MILLION AND NOTHING WOULD CHANGE! ONE…TWO…THREE!!! JOHN CENA’S VALIANT EFFORT CARRIED HIM FAR, BUT IT COULDN’T CARRY HIM TO A WIN!
Kurt Angle def. John Cena in 15:46
After the bell rings, a few members of the medical team walk into the ring to check on John Cena, worried about the soccer kick that he took to the head. When he regains consciousness, he immediately waves them off, too prideful to accept their help, but he remains seated in the middle of the ring. Kurt Angle stops celebrating for a moment and asks for a microphone.
“Listen, kid…I gotta give it to you, that was one hell of a match, and you’re one hell of a talent. I didn’t respect you going into this match, but damn it, I do now. You’re gonna be great one day, you’re gonna be a World Champion…if you listen to me.” There’s a few cheers, a few boos, and a lot of confusion from the crowd. “Oh it’s true, it’s damn true, I wanna help you get to the top. If you can fight like that now, imagine how you could fight if you had an Olympic Hero showing you how to be the best! Come on, kid, let’s put our little feud in the past, huh? You could do so much by my side!”
Kurt extends his hand, and young John Cena seems very conflicted. This is a man that he has wanted to destroy ever since he walked through the WWE’s doors. This is a man that attacked him without any reason at all. On the other hand, this is a former World Champion, a Gold Medalist, a man that just beat him. Definitely a man he could learn a lot from.
Does he allow himself to be helped up by this living legend? Does he choose to continue fighting a war in which the odds are stacked against him? This isn’t something that they teach in wrestling school. Los Angeles is watching, the eyes of the world are watching. Kurt Angle is waiting, and he damn sure doesn’t have all day.
John Cena takes Kurt’s hand, shakes it, and walks to the back with an uncertain future ahead of him. If only he could know what it holds.

1. Cat and Mouse - 2/5 (Well, the title doesn't lie... The episode is just a long game of cat and mouse but with spaceships. It's mostly just really, really boring. It only doesn't fail completely because Admiral Trench was actually pretty entertaining, and the way Anakin turned the tables on him was badass. You see the disappointment in his eyes when Anakin JUST scrapes the window of Trench's ship as his own rockets fly towards him to his doom. Lol)
   
2. The Hidden Enemy - 4/5 (Well... The beginning of this episodes makes battle droids not seem like silly piles of junk anymore since they effortlessly ambush the clones and slaughter tons of them without saying a word.
   

It felt obvious early on that Slick was the Separatist spy. His suspicious behavior aside, it doesn't help that I saw the back of his head when he ran away in the beginning, giving it away pretty much immediately since he was the only clone with that haircut. Still, all the clones arguing while Rex and Cody interrogates them is pretty intense on it's own regardless. Despite how little we see of them, each clone just feels unique in their own way, and they're just entertaining to follow.
Ironically moreso than the jedi in this episode. To be fair, their story had pretty good introduction to Ventress. It definitely makes her appear cooler than in the movie. One thing about the end though; Slick kind of has a point. Clones are essentially slaves, but they seem more than willing to wanna serve. It's an odd situation all around when you think about it)
Star Wars: The Clone Wars 2008 - 3/5 (This was a weird movie because it's jarring to go from the live action Attack of the Clones to this animated one where characters sound and act a different than normal. I was always bothered by the fact that Anakin doesn't sound or act the way he does in the movies at all, given he's one of the main characters. The voice is fine, but the incosistent behavior and the way he seems so "mature" here doesn't line up at all with Attack of the Clones. And from what I recall, he didn't really act any more mature in Revenge of the Sith. So what's with this maturity in the 3 years between the war only to then be whiny and self righteous again in the next film?
But I don't think it was all bad, because he still showed a lot of that arrogant nature, and while they didn't mention it, they did reference his mother's death and outburst on the tusken raiders on Tatooine. It was just a nice touch, otherwise this felt so removed from the story. Aside from Anakin, nearly all actors nailed the roles. Obi-Wan, Count Dooku, Yoda, and all the clones etc. Had no issues with them and could they feel so similar it's not a jarring switch to animation, even though some designs are ridiculously exaggerated. Like Dooku's beard.
The plot is just pretty silly and it clearly just serves as an introduction to the TV show. The movies are obviously meant for grand stories while the various events during the war are meant for shorter formats. So this movie feels like it drags a bit. What's funny is it doesn't drag in the end, instead just stretches out a battle in the beginning for far too long until the actual plot can start. But I like Ashoka and the visuals are good, and overall this could've just been an episode of the show but apparently George Lucas just thought a theatrical introduction was necessary)

1. Clone Cadets - 5/5 (It's always fun to root for the underdogs. Plus, more characterization of clones! This time though, they all look so much alike, while I do remember the names, I really can't tell who is who in most scenes. Though I do find it funny how Echo got his name because he kept repeating orders like an echo. And 99 just being in the background all the time, quietly supporting the struggling cadets is super wholesome. Especially when he gives Hevy a pep speech and, well, his name)
   
2. Supply Lines - 3/5 (I don't care what people say, the political aspect of this era of Star Wars is really interesting. I was genuinely prepared to be bored for the whole episode when it started with yet another weird alien Jedi in a big battle field. But instead it's actually about Senator Bail Organa trying to negotiate aid for the innocent Twi'leks caught up in the battle from a neutral planet? So much more interesting!
   

And of course Jar Jar comes along, which I like too. I don't care what people say about him either, Jar Jar is entertaining to me. He has a funny voice and his goofiness and unique way of talking is charming. I especially liked it when he grabbed everyone's plates and cups to stack them together, which he surprisingly does effortlessly. His clumsyness and unawareness is actually hilarious and not annoying. Plus, I have to respect him for despite how silly he appears, for the past 10 years he's been involved in politics as a Gungan representative. Pretty good character development imo!)

1. Ambush - 3/5 (This episode really feels like it just serves as an example for what kind of stories to be expected in the show. Nothing too grand in the scheme of the universe, but just showcasing events of the Clone Wars (as seen in the title, duh). It's just Yoda and 3 clones avoiding battle droids to make a king of this planet join the Republic. Most important thing to note here in my opinion is how with just a few lines it puts Yoda in a different light. We only ever see him as grumpy and controlling, but here he takes a moment to comment on how much beauty there is in the galaxy, and seeing the humanity in clones)
   
2. Rising Malevolence - 3/5 (Another nothing-episode. I'm not expecting the most epic things ever for the first few, but nothing really... Happens. Plo is stuck on an escape pod, and Anakin rescues him. All it does is serves as setup for Malevolence)
   
3. Shadow of Malevolence - 3/5 (This one is way better because the spaceship battle is executed so well, it really feels like how a real war battle would be if it was in space like this. It's entertaining, and especially when the stakes are as high as Grievous blowing up a fricking medical center housing thousands of clones)
   
4. Destroy Malevolence - 4/5 (And this one raises the stakes even more by having Padme and C-3PO get stuck on the Malevolence. It's mostly because because instead of giant space battles, it's the characters going into the battle and not a ship. Obi Wan and Anakin finally in action, and C-3PO getting himself into trouble never fails to be amusing. It's funny to me how easily he always gets out of troubles given he has very limited movements and is not agile at all.
   

I have to point out one moment that actually made me laugh out loud; When Obi Wan and Grievous jump into one of the moving platforms and 3 droids jump in after, 2 missing the track entirely, falling to their doom, and the other one instantly being hit by a platform)

1. Rookies - 4/5 (Well, after getting to know the Domino Squad during their training, all but 2 of them end up dying here immediately is pretty disappointing. They hardly even got to develop enough for their deaths to have any meaning. Meanwhile, I know Echo and Fives end up developing more throughout the series. Hevy at least had some significant development in Clone Cadets but with how little I still knew of him, his sacrifice, while noble, felt hollow. All in all it was still an entertaining episode though. It's always enjoyable to follow other characters in the series than the main Jedi all the time. Seeing what the more minor players in the war are up to. Plus, Domino Squad is pretty badass in this even if they end up falling like dominoes)
   
2. Downfall of a Droid - 5/5 (I'm a sucker for robot stories. There's just something I really like about humans who accept robots as sentient beings in a world where most people don't. And in the Star Wars universe, they clearly are sentient. But most people don't even care. That's what makes Anakin and R2-D2's friendship hit so much harder. Honestly it makes it harder to like Obi Wan when all he says is practically "Lost R2? Damn that sucks. Get a new one". He does point out Anakin isn't supposed to have attachments, especially not for a DROID... Buuut he's still secretly married to Padme so it's not like he cares about the Jedi way, and I respect him more for that, even if that is what leads to his downfall...)
   
3. Duel of the Droids - 5/5 (Anakin's rescue of R2-D2 continues, and all of it is engaging. This has some other cool moments too like Ahsoka taking on Grievous herself. But most of all, I just adore R2's clever ways of escaping and fighting despite his limited mobility. So it turns out Goldie is actually a Separatist spy, not just stupid, so he and R2 have a fight to the death which is honestly cute and badass at the same time. Again, for their limited moveset, it's just amusing seeing them try their best. And R2 fucking kicks his ass. What a legend. Pretty satisfying to see that asshole get thrown off the bridge and hit by a ship)
   
4. Bombad Jedi - 4/5 (Jar Jar and C-3PO is an odd pairing but they played off each other so well. They were really fun to watch together. And, I will say it again, Jar Jar is actually hilarious. C-3PO being such a snarky straight man makes his antics even more hilarious. When he of all people got mistaken for a Jedi, how could you not find that endearing? Hilarity to the max. The way he ends up defeating the Viceroy by befriending and summoning a water monster was a great finish too.
   

Padme's way of escaping capture by tricking the battle droids into thinking a Jedi was in the room with her was super clever. Overall these 3 characters are really fun to watch)

1. Cloak of Darkness - 2/5 (Ventress tries to rescue the Viceroy... Ahsoka and some Jedi who's name I do not remember fight her, and some annoying blue boy who was obviously sus from the start turned out to be in on the rescue... It's boring. It's just boring. I don't care about ANY of these characters except Ahsoka)
   
2. Lair of Grievous - 3/5 (Goodie... Another episode about characters with weird names I don't care about. Now, this episode wans't without it's good aspects because everything with Grievous was awesome, and the way they tore his body apart was pretty badass. But Kit Fisto is just another boring, uninteresting background Jedi, and his old Padawan is so bold, childish and reckless, I have no idea how he even passed the trials and became a master. All he did was act like an impulsive, immature idiot. So, like Anakin in Attack of the Clones.
   

I did get a laugh at how Grievous' repair droid can shittalk right in front of his face because he knows Grievous won't destroy him, as he's the only droid he trusts to repair him)

1. Dooku Captured - 3/5 (The first half of this is a pretty generic chase/battle between Ani, Obi Wan and whatever Separatist villain of the week they're in tangles with. And then they fight off a giant monster with rocks in a cave. The real goodies here are when Dooku actually gets captured, as the title suggests and Anakin + Obi Wan facts check his capture. It's pretty funny watching him walk straight into a trap and just being caught with no way of defending himself. Anakin and Obi Wan swapping the drinks out at the end was an amusing bit too)
   
2. The Gungan General - 3/5 (Uhhh... What the fuck happened to Jar Jar's voice? At least he was still entertaining the way he clumsily took out the pirates vehicles. Obi Wan, Anakin and Dooku being captured together lends itself to some comedic moments, mainly from Obi Wan's remarks. But really, all they do is get captured and escape... Twice. Dooku being absolutely done with the pirates after finally having made his escape and attacking them on his way out is pretty badass though. How did Obi Wan and Anakin get captured anyway? They say the drinks were "too strong" in the beginning, but... THEY SWAPPED OUT THE POISONED DRINKS)
   
3. Jedi Crash - 3/5 (This episode tries a little too hard to be emotional. Some scenes are way more hammy than they need to be. Sure, Anakin is "gravely injured" but I don't really get that vibe since he looks fine. I mostly liked Aayla Secura in this episode, and how she plays off Ahsoka. She was more interesting than the other lame Jedi I've seen so far. Overall though, this episode is mostly just wandering grass fields but Anakin and Rex fighting off a monster at the camp site was fun)
   
4. Defenders of Peace - 3/5 (The story from the last episode continues... The Separatists wants to test a weapon... Zzzzzz. Also, these species sort of take me out of the world because they're literally just lemurs. I find it so lame when fictional media just make certain aliens be real animals we have on earth, except they talk. That's all I've got for this episode)
   
5. Trespass - 2/5 (This episode has one of the dumbest conflicts ever. Not in the sense that it's a problem with the EPISODE, but that it literally only happens because Chairman Cho is being an irrational idiot and starting a battle with a small colony that doesn't even wanna fight. It made the conflict interesting though, since all I wanted was to see the senator smack some sense into him. All the snow makes the episode stick out visually from the others too, which is cool I guess)
   
6. Blue Shadow Virus - 3/5 (Is this the first non-war related conflict in the show? That made it a little refreshing. And how the villain of the episode wasn't just some guy fighting for the Separatists, but he's literally just a mad scientist stereotype who wants to release a virus. Why? Because he's just nuts. The delivery when he responds to Jar Jar like "Yeah ye ye ye yea ye yeahyeah yeessss" was so weird. Also, I still find Padme and Jar Jar going on adventures to be pretty endearing. It does add more logic to her trust in him from the movies. They're clearly very good friends, even if he is clumsy)
   
7. Mystery of a Thousand Moons - 3/5 (The virus is released into the lab anyway so Ani and Obi go on a side quest to get a cure, which was honestly more engaging than anything itself. Like, there's not a lot I can say here. I just think it's fun to see these two characters go on adventures to different planets. The concept of the "curse" as it were, was engaging and it's pretty nice that they got the help of some random kid to get through it. Always love meeting actual civilians in a story where we mostly follow the heroes and politicians. Padme and Ahsoka getting sicker and sicker was a good way to keep the duo on a time schedule, although I find it funny how in every instance, a few clones always die, but the main cast always survive. They all got infected at the same time, so, why?)
   
8. Storm Over Ryloth - 4/5 (I like seeing Ahsoka experience the reality of war more and more given how cocky she was when she was introduced. Seeing her angst and dealing with losing her squadron was sad, but you gotta love how supportive Anakin is and how his wacky plans still always save the day. Those wacky plans Ahsoka is clearly learning from)
   
9. Innocents of Ryloth - 5/5 (Two clones encountering a civilian youngling caught up in the middle of Separatist siege is such an interesting concept and I just ADORE how wholesome it is that they try to take care of her the whole episode. The moment she takes them to her old home and cries genuinely made me cry too. Poor thing. That just makes it even more satisfying that she ends up being the reason they could save the other twi'leks and reuniting with her dad, and her courage to run out and help the clones mid battle causing all the other twi'lek to do the same and run directly to beat the shit out of the tactical droid in charge. Immensely satisfying. My only question is, do twi'leks really not typically speak Galactic Basic? They're pretty commonly scattered around the galaxy)
   
10. Liberty on Ryloth - 3/5 (Well this was an anti climactic end to the Ryloth battle... First Mace Windu focused episode, and sadly he's just pretty boring in it. And the final villain isn't that much interesting either. It's just the typical episode formula the show has been using for too long now. They make a plan, fight the baddies and defeat the head commander of the battle in question. So, really, there's nothing interesting I can say about it)
    
11. Holocron Heist - 3/5 (Soooooo Cad Bane steals a holocron that contains the location of all force sensitive people in the galaxy. That's a good setup for conflict and everything, but most of this episode isn't very fun, it's just Cad Bane breaking in and stealing it. Honestly, I was more engaged in Ahsoka's boredom with just walking around the archives trying to find something to do)
    
12. Cargo of Doom - 3/5 (Same ol same ol battling droids and concocting plans inside a ship to defeat the villain of the week. It had good action, so I'm not complaining. One thought I did have though is, if Anakin was gonna jump Cad Bane and risk him opening the hatch, potentially pulling Ahsoka out into space anyway, why did he wait until AFTER he opened the holocron for him to do it? It would be equally risky before or after. Oh, and Ahsoka is rocking her new outfit. Sure is better than the skimpy one she wears... For WAR)
    
13. Children of the Force - 3/5 (It's interesting to see more of Darth Sidious' devious schemes in preperation for the destruction of the Jedi, given what an absolutely massive plan it is. They've shown him make decisions and just pinning Separatists and Republic against each other, and usually just hinted at off-screen, given we KNOW who he is. But this time we actually see him get his hands dirty, or, err, well at least be much more involved in the scheme he's planning. When Ani and Ahsoka went to check on a planet that they figured Cad Bane visited, given they only tracked his fuel and not his specific locatiom, how the hell did they manage to land specifically on the one spot on a gigantic planet where Sidious had the children?)
    
14. Bounty Hunters - 2/5 (Ani and Obi-Wan help some ugly farmers protects their crops... It's just a really boring story, and it takes me even more out of it with the ugly character design of the farmers species. They just look too silly and cartoony to be taken seriously, and the main guys voice didn't help)
    
15. The Zillo Beast - 3/5 (Funny how just after I criticized the alien designs of the last episode, the Dug in this episode are pretty good. And I didn't even realize until after looking them up, they're the same species as Sebulba. They just look creative. Although throughout the whole episode they were talking behind the Jedi's back, and at one point just pulled plans away when Mace Windu enterered their tent. What ever became of that? It clearly wasn't about killing the beast, since they wer every open about that. And about the beast, how did it survive for SO many years down in a hole like that? What did it eat? There's no food down there)
    
16. The Zillo Beast Strikes Back - 4/5 (Hooooly frick, so many civilians were killed in this episode. The beast is ginormous and it was wrecking sides of buildings for quite a while. The beast has a pretty cool design, albeit a little basic. But the sheer size of it makes the battle REALLY cool to look at, especially the climax. Plus, Yoda and Mace Windu finally get in on the action themselves as opposed to sitting on their comfy coucil seats. The morality of killing the beast or not sure is... A story. But I mainly liked this for the cool action and I enjoyed how we see Chancellor Palpetine try so hard to justify his evil actions as necessities. Sure, he makes a good point, but how do you NOT NOTICE HE'S EVIL?!)
    
17. Senate Spy - 3/5 (Even though it's done a lot better and is more interesting than in Attack of the Clones, the romance between Anakin and Padme is still extremely boring. Anakin getting super jealous that Padme is getting close with a senator to SPY on him is ridiculous and idiotic. That said, it's pretty in line with how we know Anakin to be in the movies, so I can't fault it for that. And it's not like his jealousy isn't UNentertaining. I found it pretty funny how no one wants C-3PO around and he just doesn't know what to do if he's not serving)
    
18. Landing at Point Rain - 3/5 (Holy frickin macaroni, this is the most violent battle I've seen yet. Such a violent battle with so many troopers being killed everywhere. That's not unusual for Star Wars, but the sheer amount of it seen here is insane. But what made me think about how more violent this is is when they set FIRE to the Geonosians! That's brutal. Speaking of Geonosians, even though they are sentient species, the way they're portrayed in this makes them seem more like just... Giant bug animals)
    
19. Weapons Factory - 3/5 (Battle continues, etc etc... I found the padawans on a mission of their own super interesting, but if you look at the runtime, that actually isn't a large portion of the episode at all, so I can't really give it any higher score)
    
20. Legacy of Terror - 3/5 (These kind of episodes with unique settings and smaller scales are so much more interesting than the giant battles we see all the time. Zombie insects? Great sci-fi stuff. It's like a horror movie. One scene in particular was weird though, it's when Luminara is speaking to the other Jedi with the hologram. From their hologram, she TURNS AROUND to look at the person who's talking, which makes no sense, as she should see everyone in her hand. Unless HER movement affects what she sees in her hologram disc, which is not consistent at all with what we've seen before. I know they did it so it would look better when they're talking visually. But it really makes no sense)
    
21. Brain Invaders - 4/5 (A whole episode that actually focuses on Ahsoka and Barriss instead of just a few scenes. This is once again another small-scale story but it's really interesting to see how they manage the situation in such an enclosed setting. Plus, again, the inexperienced padawan learners all on their own. Against mind parasites in the clones no less. When Ahsoka turns on the cold and it gets absolutely freezing on there I can't help but admire how it looks visually. The fact that the characters get frost on them makes it look like they're literally about to die of hypothermia)
    
22. Grievous Intrigue - 4/5 (Finally some more Grievous episodes. The plot doesn't have anything in particular going for it other than rescuing some random Jedi, but like, it's a kickass Grievous episode and it's constantly intense. He has a kickass fight with Obi-Wan and then even the clones have a go at him, while the ship is being destroyed. It's thrilling every second. It was funny, too. I really laughed at the tactical droid who grabbed his amputated arm to press a button only to realize... The arm isn't attached to him. Lol. Side note, why is Grievous' hologram red? Is it because he's evil? That's so weird)
    
23. The Deserter - 4/5 (They commented on this in another episode but this is a more in-depth study of the life of a clone. They unfortunately have no choice over their lives, and if they do escape, they simply risk being reported for it, unless they live super remote like Cut Lawquane. There's no way there isn't a ton of clones who have left already, though. His story, although brief, is very compelling and it's nice to see Rex help him defend his family against the droids. Cut has a hot wife.
    

Cut takes up so much of the spotlight, you kinda forget about the Grievous story. It's still great stuff, mainly cause it's amusing to see him barely surviving, and all his droids shutting down due to depleted energy. And Obi-Wan genuinely getting pissed off at the lack of results is shocking. He's usually so calm)

1. Lightsaber Lost - 4/5 (These simple stories are what I love to see. I've said it numerous times, but it's just interesting to see what life is like for regular civilians of Star Wars. Of course, I suppose criminels aren't exactly "regular" civilians, though. I also just like seeing the architecture of normal homes on Coruscant that aren't the Jedi temple. Everything is so futuristic, yet it's so grey and dirty, it looks like a shithole to live in.

I also found Jedi Master Sinube really endearing. It's just nice that he's happy to help Ahsoka because he hasn't been on assignments in years. Plus, it was a good learning experience for Ahsoka too. Jedi always teach people to have patience, but this episode perfectly encapsulate why)

1. The Mandalore Plot - 3/5 (So Mandalore is populated by... Humans? I mean, so far we haven't seen a single planet populated by humans. There was bound to be one, I guess. People will yell at me and say they "Mandalorian" is an entirely different race, and to that I say... They're literally humans. Mandalorian is clearly just the planets population, like how in the real world, humans can be from another country. There's probably some deep epic obscure content that "proves" they aren't, but that just sounds dumb to me.

The introduction of Mandalorian culture is so lame too because of how much it undermines the uniqueness of Jango and Boba Fett. Their armor wasn't unique to them. Apparently, it's just for another set of soliders. Obi-Wan argues with the dutchess a lot, which is pretty weird. Not because of how personal they seem to get, but because it's rare to see Obi-Wan get so angry and yell when arguing)

1. Voyage of Temptation - 3/5 (The assasin droids have a really cool design. They're just spiders, but still, I'm very impressed with the animation of them and how they're used in action. I especially like how R2-D2 was even part of the action and fought off the mini assasins. Anakin and the clones searching for them in the cargo area like some horror film is great stuff visually speaking. Obi-Wan's interrogation with the mini assasin was pretty clever. I liked that scene)
   
2. Duchess of Mandalore - 3/5 (The intricacy of the politics in this show, and Star Wars as a whole, continue to amaze me and I really enjoy it. But sometimes it just turns into a boring episode despite how interesting the political conflict is. This is one of those. What I find funny mostly spectacting this knowing Palpetine is behind both sites of the conflict and it's great how he has to keep his calm when his plan was foiled and he could do nothing about it. This was still a decent finale to this Mandalore arc, even if a bit lame)
   
3. Death Trap - 4/5 (Boba Fett is genuinely more interesting and "cool" in this episode than ANY movie. Especially the original trilogy, where he is very uncool. Getting revenge on Mace Windu feels like a natural development and having him blend in with the clone cadets to do it is pretty genius. He's shown to be very clever and capable. He really only failed because Mace Windu got lucky.
   

One side thought I had regarding that is it's kind of weird how the clones he's with are probably like 5 years old, meanwhile Boba himself is 11. It's also weird how none of the three cadets trapped with him commented on the fact that he has a "father". That would make no sense for a clone)

1. R2 Come Home - 5/5 (R2-D2 is a king. I can't express enough how awesome and adorable he is. Even with his limited physical capabilities, he's very clever and resourceful. Several times he makes attempts to stop or delay the bounty hunters looking for Windu, and bravely faces off against giant monsterous creatures. TWICE. He did not hesitate to run in and save R8-B7 as best he could, which was sadly not enough... Poor little droid. The way they show his death is actually pretty horrifying if you're meant to imagine them as sentient. The monsters are pulling him in different directions so hard his entire head pops off. But what makes it even more gruesome is the SOUND he makes. It's like a depserate cry for help.

He's even more awesome the second time he encounters the creature because he perfectly comes up with a tactic on the spot to get rid of it. And despite the lack of dialogue, it feels like you can tell what he's thinking. Like when the monster picks him up he vigorously extends all his little arms and tools from his compartment to mimic the motion of a person waving their fists in front of someone. He's clearly pissed off.
And, to praise him even more, he actually manages to escape the bounty hunters chasing him due to outsmarting them. And once on Coruscant, he runs like a maniac in such a hurry he pushes two other droids aside (I imagine he was saying "get the fuck out of my way") falls down the stairs and picks a fight with another droid just to show the message. It really shows his determination and unique personality even without dialogue. Most characters are shocked at his behavior, which really shows how cruel the life of droids in this universe is.
The episode doesn't really tackle the issue of droids being slaves directly but it unintentionally does since Mace Windu constantly shows disapproval of Anakin encouraging R2-D2 to be his own person. Being confused as to why he would be programmed to "feel". Doids are simply obedient because they have their memory regularly wiped before they can grow too confident or really develop a personality. I mean when your memory is blank, you have nowhere to go, so you stick to the people who's taking care of you. They ALL "feel". You just mind wipe them when they begin expressing it. But R2, who doesn't get wiped, stays with Anakin out of genuine loyality because of mutual respect. The kind of respect Windu clearly doesn't have for droids, a SAPIENT species. Asshole)

1. Lethal Trackdown - 4/5 (While it makes sense in-universe to not send Windu on this mission, it's a shame he doesn't so anything in the ending of this arc which was all about him v.s. Boba Fett. But I'm not complaining since I genuinely liked Plo Koon a lot in this episode. And teaming him up with Ahsoka was very interesting too, especially given the backstory of them. Their investigation is really interesting, and I especially like the bar scene where Ahsoka gets the intel.

I know Boba is an immature 11 year old but he even admits at the end of this episode that he has done bad things, yet he wants "justice" for his father, a man who was evil? He died because Mace Windu practiced self defense. Boba is an idiot. Side note, Hondo was oddly pretty respectable in this episode)

1. Corruption - 3/5 (I was ready to be so bored when another Mandalore episode began, but this time it's actually interesting, since it focuses on an internal conflict within Mandalore that occurred due to the neutrality they established earlier. And Duchess Satine is growing on me much more as a character. It was another interesting character combination to see her and Padme together. Padme is such a great character in this show, it's amazing that she can really carry an episode of her own. Well, alongside Satine, of course.

It's a pretty interesting conflict since it touches on corruption within a government that is supposed to be on the "good" side. Padme and Satine both going on an informal, unauthorized investigation ending up in a battle where Padme once again kicks ass is great stuff. I just find it weird that apprently ONLY kids were affected by this poisoned tea. What, are adults not allowed to buy this drink? I also found it weird that they straight up called it tea, in the Star Wars universe. Most types of food and drink in this universe have been made up. Blue milk, Jawa juice, and.... Tea?)

The Kerr diagrams show a cosmos stranger than we can imagine. Penrose created the Kerr diagram based on Kerr's solutions to GR for a spinning black hole. Penrose had previously created a diagram for a non-spinning BH.
It shows a cosmos full of parallel universes, anti-verses, wormholes, white holes, etc. Of course, this is all conjecture, but it's roots is the trusty GR, so a scientist such as Penrose takes it serious.
What this means is that when a spinning BH is created, via a heavy-enough star collapsing or 2 heavy objects merging, these very weird additions to the cosmos are also produced.
How can we even imagine an anti-verse, with it's r=-NI (negative infinity). And of course, our universe is r=-NI according to the anti-verse. An universe parallel to our own just materialises containing an exact copy of ours; everything; you, me, your mother-in-law, Earth, Alpha Centuri, etc. And the 'you' created there has all the memories of you here, and will live as you. You decide to get a haircut, so does you II. Don't know what happens to the hair of you III in the anti-verse.
In fact, there will be an infinite number of me's, and you's out there.
As said, it's all conjecture. But this is what our established theories are telling us. QM violates realism. GR produces parallel and anti-verses.
Yet physicalism states that everything supervenes from the physical. It's just a conjecture which is slowly being invalidated by the real science. It's clear that the cosmos is very strange at least. In my book, the indoctrinated inertia of physicalism just doesn't make sense any more. It doesn't make sense in our own universe, and not in the cosmos either,

I have terrible news to report, dear readers. And I'm not going to bury the lede. Jar Jar Binks is coming to the holotables.
And now for a brief history lesson:
Since the invention of fandom, there have been five fan betrayals that were rated the most heinous, most vile. This one left them all behind.

1. X-Men 3 compressing the Dark Phoenix Saga down to a single plot line in a film, doing no justice to the storyline and including Angel's story as a B-plot that literally never intersected with the A-Plot.
   
2. The Dark Phoenix Saga being remade as a stand alone film, but with the same fucking moron writer who wrote X-Men 3 and fucked it up the first time (who, predictably, fucked it up again).
   
3. "Somehow, Palpatine returned."
   
4. Daenerys Targaryen "forgot about the Iron Fleet," according to the showrunners who were rightly fired from their Star Wars deal moments after than line of idiocy hit the press.
   
5. The ending of Lost, after everyone involved swore for years they weren't all actually dead.
   

But this one, George Lucas finally making a new Star Wars film after more than 20 years, only for it to be:
- a prequel
- terrible
- written specifically to entertain his own tiny children rather than the fans of his films who are 20 years older than when they saw them for the first time
- did I mention terrible?
- The Phantom Menace was like, really, really, really terrible.
Consider, if you will, that you're a fan of Star Wars. You saw the original trilogy. You saved your allowance for weeks to buy buy it on VHS. You watched them 50 fucking times each because they're the only star wars that existed (my head canon denies the ewoks battle for endor and holiday specials were real). You played every Star Wars video game (and tbh most of them were goddamn bangers). Finally, after two goddamn decades, a new Star Wars film is announced.
You follow this film's every move as if your life depends upon it. Maybe you steal a 50' banner from Taco Bell and hang it proudly in your dorm room. The night before the show, you camp out all night at the theater across the street from the premiere theater because they're owned by the same company and you can buy tickets to any property from any property and haha aren't those people who camped literally for weeks just the fucking dumbest? Losers!
At the film, literally the premiere screening at the Fox Theater in Los Angeles, people dressed as storm troopers are doing cartwheels down the aisle. dozens of lightsabers are being waved around everywhere. You can feel the force lightning in the air.
And then the film ends, and the lasting memory seared into your brain is someone in the front yelling "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!?"
Then you see the movie two more times in the next 24 hours because you just cannot believe that what you saw was real. You hope you're on candid camera or something. Or you'll wake up from the nightmare. Or the devil will reveal you actually were hit by a truck and this is Hell so at least there will be a decent reason as to why The Phantom Menace was so fucking bad.
Many prequel fans will say something at this point like "But the Attack of the Clones was good" or "Revenge of the Sith was great" or even "The Clone Wars is a great TV show that totally redeems all of the terrible choices made in the films but also I'm going to use it to defend the films because I'm capable of holding two contradictory concepts in my brain at the same time, m'lady."
Well guess what, fuckos? THOSE DON'T EXIST YET. So until they do, all you have in your brain is the OT and this flaming pile of garbage.
The force is a bacterial infection???
Padme is a child molester???
N-SYNC WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN IT???
Lucas will go on to give interviews addressing the "controversy" where he'll say such gems as "I hire good actors so I don't have to give them direction." The DP will come out and say he sometimes had to yell "cut" because Lucas wasn't paying attention. And everyone involved will swear on a stack of bibles that Jar Jar Binks isn't racist.
In fact, they swear that the entire movie isn't racist. The Trade Federation isn't racist. Watto isn't racist. And Jar Jar Binks really, really isn't racist.
Yeah, sure. And I don't hate gingers. No, really, some of my best friends are gingers. I mean, I watch Conan O'Brien all the time. Check my porn search history! People who claim to hate something never search for it in their porn!
Come on, folks. I'm gonna tell a joke, and you tell me if it's racist, okay?

What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs?
Ilene.

Not racist, right?

But what do you call her (and I'm sure some of you know exactly where this is going) if she's a member of the Trade Federation from The Phantom Menace?
Irene.

Just so we're all clear: The Trade Federation is racist as fuck.
Let's try another one:

Who has a big, hooked nose, a bald head, wears a small, stupid hat, and loves money?

Did you say "Watto from The Phantom Menace" or did something else pop into your racist fucking brain first?
"But Kahzgul, neither of those are being added to the game!"
YET.
If they're willing to cross this racist bridge, they're willing to cross it more than once. Mark my fucking words.
"But Kahzgul, you haven't explained how Jar Jar is racist!"
That is a good point and I should probably get around to it. Here, let's pull up a description of Jar Jar from wikipedia...

First performed by George Dixon in 1834, Jar Jar Binks made a mockery of free Gunguns. An arrogant, ostentatious figure, he dressed in high style and spoke in a series of malaprops and puns that undermined his attempts to appear dignified....

Oh, sorry, I seem to have linked the wrong thing. Let's try that again...
Here we go: An apt description of Jar Jar Binks:

Donald Bogle (1994) summarizes the depiction of Jar Jar in movies: Always as Jar Jar is chased, harassed, hounded, flogged, enslaved, and insulted, he keeps the faith, n'er turn against his Jedi massas, and remains hearty, submissive, stoic, generous, selfless, and oh-so-very kind. Thus he endears himself to white audiences and emerges as a hero of sorts.

Oh shucks. That's not the right link, either. One last try!
Here's a somewhat post-contemporary analysis of Jar Jar Binks, described in contrast to his portrayal in a separate work:

JAR JAR BINKS is perhaps the most hated character in cinema history. A grating Rastafarian stereotype who only exists as bumbling comic relief in the Star Wars prequels, he’s the biggest offender in one of the most controversial cinematic letdowns in history

And so he is.
(As an aside, that article is quite the read and it makes me want to pick up Shakespeare's Star Wars and give it a once over)
Even in an article that very much intentionally does not delve into the racist nature of the creation, his chief descriptors are, in order, "Hated," "Rastafarian stereotype," and "Bumbling comic relief."
Some of you almost certainly disagree with me. So I present to you The Jar Jar Challenge:
- Watch Return of the Jedi.
- Watch Spike Lee's film, Bamboozled.
- Then watch The Phantom Menace.
- Be more than 12 years old. I probably should have put this first, or at least before watching Bamboozled.
If you can do all of these things and still think Jar Jar isn't racist (and think TPM isn't an absolutely terrible film), then I'd like to interest you in a mint condition original reel of Birth of a Nation that some proud boy on Next Door in my neighborhood is putting up for sale. His mom doesn't want him to sell it but that's only because she's against liberty.
Now that I've made my stance on Jar Jar as clear as possible while using far too many words and taking a short break to make sure I wasn't racist against redheads, it's time to address the rest of the road ahead.
Because adding a racist character to the game isn't bad enough, CG is also making sure we have to use him. I mean, it makes sense, right? This is Star Wars. It's called "The Force," not "The Consent."
That's right, we're getting a whole new faction no one but u/egnards wanted. The Gunguns!
Reminder that the name "Gungan" came, according to George Lucas in an interview, from his son Jett's name for tractors and trucks.
So this is some high concept shit we're talking about. Well conceived and thought out. And what famous gunguns are we getting?
- Boss Nass!
This makes sense. He's a hugely important figure in the Gungun world, actually does something in the Phantom Menace (unlike Jar Jar), and isn't a complete idiot (also unlike Jar Jar).
- Captain Tanaka Tarpals.
Who the fuck was that? And where is Tanaka?
- Gungun Boomadier.
That's not a character. It's not even a real job. It's Jar Jar's malaprop for "bombadier," for fuck's sake.
- Gungun Phalanx.
At least this is a real job. Glad these iconic characters jobs are in the game and not ANYONE FROM FUCKING ANDOR.
At least Jar Jar isn't going to be a GL. He's just a legendary, like Dr. Aphra or Beskar Mando or Jedi... hang on. Jedi knight... man I swear there's another recent one but it's like the name has been removed from history. Bo Katan (Man'dalor)! That's the one. Haha, can't believe I forgot that. Did you know her event comes back literally the day before it ends? Wild, right? Good thing, too, because my F2P farm for her is totally close to having... uh... all characters at 5 stars. Cool.
Adding insult to injury, we're going to have to use this motley creüe of fishmen (rabbit people? IDK) in a brand new RAID!!!
That's right, you're not only going to have to spend time farming up dumbfucking BOOMADIER but you're gonna have to put your fishrabbits together to do the brand new Naboo raid! isn't that great! Oh, and they didn't mention it but you can bet your fucking life you'll need them for a feat in a future conquest, too. Maybe just Jar Jar, as that stealth requires the others without expressly naming them.
So yeah, we gotta farm Boss Nass and a bunch of nobody gunguns no one gives a literal shit about just to get Jar Jar, just to do the new raid. And given how absolute trash the last two raids were, I bet this raid is gonna be fun as fuck but not quiiiiite enough fun to justify Jar Jar Binks (because there's no excuse for racism).
But enough about the gunguns who we all don't know and don't love, let's talk about...
- Queen Amidala!
Okay, there is exactly one character on this road ahead that I'm excited for, and it's Keira Knightly! That's right, I'm calling it now - QA will summon her decoy (they literally talk about "the decoy mechanic") into the ally slot during combat and you'll have to bend it like beckham if you want to get to the queen. Also, because her initials are QA, I guarantee that she's going to be buggy as fuck. I used to work in Quality Assurance and the way CG goes, this is just too perfect not to fuck up. Ahem... Royally fuck up.
To quote CG: "The dresses, the makeup, the crowns, she is everything!" Which, getting back to my original point of The Phantom Menace being an absolutely atrocious piece of filmmaking, absolutely none of this has anything to do with her character. Would you describe Han Solo as, "the vest?" Is Luke "The haircut?" Is C-3PO "The silver leg?" The fact that his character has more going on is the entire point behind the red arm joke in the sequels. I hope. It's possible I didn't get that joke and am only pretending it made sense to look cool because hoooooly shit the writing in the sequels sucked, too.
But that's a totally different topic for a different post. It's not like they're gonna add Rose to the game any time soon!
Edit: reporting me for self harm is sad and toxic. You’re taking resources away from people who need them in order to make a shitty troll.

Chapter One
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Taritha’s frustration and rage froze in her throat. She’d never seen Aethlina so agitated. As the elv explained the shocking news to Stanisk, her own problems seemed to fade to meaninglessness. What was a home when the town might be sacked? She’d heard of other smaller towns getting sacked, but Pine Bluffs had never been attacked in her lifetime. The very idea was unsettling, that criminals would band together to take what little they had!
She was yanked out of her spiral by Grigory. “Here! Take these boxes around to the other side. How exciting! I’m sure Stanisk and his men will make short work of these brutes. Nothing to worry about, nothing at all!” For his part the mage did seem genuinely undisturbed by the news. Taritha lifted the heavy boxes and followed the mage out into the night. It was dark, other than moonlight on the short walk between the mages' side of the building and the barracks side.
That’s a chilling thought; if I weren’t here, would I be at home? Would I have been at their mercy? No, I would’ve ran into the woods for a few days, that would have been as safe as anywhere.
She placed the boxes on the dining table within the barracks, which buzzed with the chaos of a disturbed anthill. Men, in various states of dress, darted between rooms and storage spaces amid a cacophony of frantic inquiries and exasperated grunts. Eager to avoid obstructing the flurry of activity, she retreated to the most secluded corner, pressing her back against the wall. Beside her, Aethlina mirrored her efforts, minimising her presence.
“What’s a frigate? Are they big?” she asked the elv.
“No, not so big, as navy ships go. They‘re about fifty paces long, and according to Stanisk, are crewed by one or two hundred sailors.” Aethlina was calm again, the elv’s earlier panic subsided, with complete faith in the process unfolding around them. The elv absently picked at her plumage and straightened her clothes.
“That’s a floating town! There aren’t that many fighting men in all of Pine Bluff! Fifty paces long? That’s twice the size of any ship I’ve ever seen! Why would it be coming here?!” Taritha was rattled.
This wasn’t a raid, it was an invasion!
Aethlina shrugged, ”It looked to be an old Triritian navy frigate. It only had two masts, so it’s possible it’s a bit smaller? There are much bigger merchant ships in Jagged Cove all the time.”
Taritha wasn’t sure how to respond to any of that. Everything seemed incredibly bad. She didn’t see how the town could survive that kind of onslaught. “Why now? We’ve never had pirates raid us before! Not in my lifetime!”
“That might be partially on me,” Grigory added as he double checked his books and documents. somehow he was as calm as if they were discussing a delayed shipment.”I strove to impress the town at the Midsummer, but I might have drawn a bit of undue attention in the process.”
She surveyed the room, apprehension rising. The mage's wealth was no secret, but the sight of each worker flawlessly fitted with a full suit of heavy mail armour was chilling. These were no mere craftsmen. Their coordinated movements, the relaxed efficiency—it hinted at a history she'd never suspected.
“Oh no! Professor Toe-Pouncer!” Grigory exclaimed, his eyes going wide. “Don’t tell Stanisk! I’m gonna go get my cat!” The two soldiers that were sitting near them chuckled and shrugged. Taritha knew all the White Flame guys, but in matching armour with full helms, she had no chance.
“Oh! We should’ve escorted him!” lamented the first soldier.
“Yep, let’s go!” A quick glance at Taritha and Aethlina, “Don’t tell Stanisk we let Grigory out of our sight!” The two men scrambled into the night after him.
The commotion in the barracks subsided as the men finished putting on their armour and their conversations wound down. In the newfound silence, the distant ringing of the town hall bell became audible. Reserved for emergencies, its sound was distinct from the church's bell: deeper and more deliberate, like a giant's heartbeat.
Grigory, smiling and breathless, cracked the door open and slipped back into the room, clutching an ornately carved wooden crate that housed his sleeping cat. “The little jerk fell right back to sleep as soon as I put him in. I can't believe I almost forgot him!” he exclaimed, settling into his seat. His escorts moved like shadows, their casual stances masking a sharp alertness, positioning themselves behind him with hands clasped behind their backs in a stance that was both relaxed and protective. Dread twisted in her stomach; something was about to happen. She caught herself wishing that the elv, renowned for reliability, had imagined the entire thing, or maybe it was just a drill?
Stanisk came into the room and turned out the lamp in front of her. “Put out all the lights! Every single one. Silent as mice now! Come on lads!” He was gruff but casual. Like he was telling them to wash up after dinner, rather than hiding for their lives. For her part she didn’t need to be told. It was already her plan to stand in a dark corner and hope for the best. In a way she envied the workers. They had the opportunity to at least fight back.
Another drawback to being a woman I guess. Or not? Being stabbed sounded pretty bad. Not that my fate will be better if they’re defeated.
It fascinated Taritha to see how the power dynamics shifted once the raid was announced. Nothing happened without Stanisk’s approval and no one argued with him, not even Grigory or Aethlina. His relaxed good nature was a distant memory, and in its place was ruthless efficiency. The revelation that these might be professional soldiers was a bit of a shock but not a bad one, all things considered.
Stanisk issued some orders before leaving the barracks to confront the invaders with his magnificent sword. Against such a weapon, surely they would turn tail and flee. She would! She could hear him bellow and challenge the pirates. It was bravery bordering on madness for a lone man to fight an entire pirate ship, but that’s what was happening on the other side of the door.
Her questions hung in her throat, locked tight in terror:
What if they find us? They’re gonna find us once they get through Stanisk! We could be burned alive in here, and that’s the best case!
With great effort she raised her stare off her own boots to look around the dim barracks dining room. Grigory was focused on his sleeping cat, petting its nose with one finger through the crate. Aethlina stood impassively still, while the workers, or soldiers now, were stacked up at the door. They stood in two rows of five, holding shields and shortswords, like legionaries. She assumed. She’d never actually seen imperial soldiers before, but they matched what she’d heard. They stood silent and ready. More than that she couldn’t read through their armour.
Don’t just stand there! Your boss is getting cut to pieces out there!
She tried to speak but her voice wouldn’t cooperate, instead it just made a worried whimper.
Finally they heard what they were waiting for and slowly opened the barracks door. Seeing the pirates attack Stanisk was so much worse than just hearing the clank of weapons. He towered over them, and his steel armour stood in sharp contrast to their dirty rags, but he was surrounded and cornered. There was a sea of pirates out there, and the only thing between her and the mob were the mage’s men. She couldn’t even breathe as they crept behind the pirates while Stanisk bellowed some dirty joke at the pirates as they stabbed at him. She clapped her hands over her mouth to stifle a yelp when he was shot with an arrow. Then another. To her relief he seemed unbothered by them.
“Charge!”
Violence erupted like a pot coming to a sudden boil. The nice boys she’d played cards with and shared meals for these last few months set upon the pirates with murderous intent. She couldn’t tear her eyes away from the slaughter, the limbs bouncing off the paving stones. Even timid Ros, who she only recognised because he had his helmet off while lining up his arbalest shot, killed with shocking ease. The bassy thump of the shot startled her, but seeing a grown man pinned to the far fence with an iron bolt through his chest would haunt her dreams from now on.
He grabbed his helm and fussed with the straps. “This will all be over before I can reload!” he said apologetically to the non combatants around him. He grabbed his sword and shield he’d leaned against the edge of the table, and ran to wade into the violence. Taritha was transfixed by his smooth quick motions. A shield block, countering with a deep stab into the pirates ribs, then moving on to his next target. Ros was nearly too fast to follow, smooth and without hesitation.
Amazingly everyone that fell to the ground was a pirate, and the White Flame crew went from hopelessly outnumbered to the only ones standing. The ringing of battle finally stilled, replaced by the screaming of wounded invaders. She crept to the edge of the door to get a better look. To her horror they weren’t even trying to help the injured pirates, just slitting their throats.
They’re helpless and bleeding! They can’t hurt anyone!
“Stop! Stop! Stop!” she tried to yell, only managed to whisper.
Then it was over. They were all dead.
She could hear them confirm none escaped. Who were these men she thought she knew? Where did these ruthless killers hide when they were teasing each other about their haircuts? She was still reeling in a few flavours of shock when Stanisk came back to them. His armour glistened with blood, but his tone relaxed and cheerful. He addressed Grigory directly.
“Sir, We’ve won the field, and I’d like to press our advantage. Any objections to me leaving you two men while I take the rest?”
“Oh! Won’t be more coming? I can still hear fighting in other parts of town.”
“The fighting you hear is the militia. It means they are at least holding their own. They should be fine, these pirates are poorly equipped.”
Grigory nodded slowly. “I’d be mad to oppose your judgement in this matter, press the advantage. You didn’t keep any alive for questioning?”
Stanisk gave a dismissive shrug. "It's not hard to figure out why pirates would target gold that's poorly defended, sir." With that, he pivoted and strode back to his squad, issuing a barrage of new commands. Amid the flurry of orders, the directive that stood out to Taritha was clear: "Thero and Rikad, stay behind to guard the mage. Secure the area."
All too soon the majority of the fighting force was gone, and they were left with just a silent yard of dead men.
“Capital work, Gentlemen!” Grigory patted the two soldiers on their shoulders. “You acquitted yourselves like professionals! I’m glad to see you made it out unscathed.” The mage was warm and genuine, totally unphased by the recent violence.
“Thank you, sir!” they said nearly in unison.
“Are you okay, though?” Taritha asked. Concern clouded her normally cheerful countenance. Everything felt like a bad dream. These two had been in a fight for their lives mere moments ago.
“Nah, they didn’t even see us, I don’t think I’ll even need to touch up the paint on my shield. That was pretty intense! I thought my heart was going to beat right out of my chest when we were sneaking up on ‘em!” Thero’s words poured out in an excited rush. The two men had their helmets off as they all returned to the dim barracks.
“Shouldn’t we, uh, do something about the bodies?” Taritha gestured helplessly out the door, even as Rikad closed it.
“Nah, that can wait. We need to lay low until the fight’s over.” Rikad’s tone was less excitable than Thero’s, but still breathless and giddy.
Taritha felt a pulse of magic as Grigory handed the two men mugs of chilled water. The casual ease at which he did that both inspired and infuriated her. She was still spending a few days a week learning magic, and chilling a mug of water took her half a hundred tries, a cramped hand and a headache too.
“Why didn’t you guys tell me the truth? That you are all guardsmen, and not just craftsmen? Don’t you guys trust me?” she whispered once everyone was seated along the dining table.
Rikad found a kitchen rag to wipe off his longsword. “Stanisk, err Lord Stanisk I mean, he said not to tell anyone, and you’re part of anyone,” he said apologetically. “The reasoning was I don’t think we wanted to look like an invading army. Since we aren’t!”
With a calming paternal tone Grigory gently patted her arm, “One of the things about being a mage is I often have to keep secrets. Even about the reasons I hire people, If you can believe it.”
Taritha rolled her eyes and let it drop. Her own secrets were heavy enough in her chest that she didn’t even consider she might be surrounded by others. The five of them sat in the dark room, ears straining to hear any change in the course of the night. Being sealed inside was the safest, but the lack of information was hard to accept. Half the town could be dead. Her friends or enemies or new co-workers could be bleeding to death in the streets. In anxiety, she started tapping her thumb on the table.
Aethlina placed her long thin hand over Taritha’s. It was cool and firm. “Be still, girl. We all worry.”
“How? Why is everyone but me okay with all this?!” Taritha demanded.
Grigory leaned forward, the lamplight casting shadows that deepened the lines of worry and fatigue on his face. "No one is truly at ease with this," he began, his voice heavy with weariness and contemplation. "We anticipated trouble, albeit not necessarily of this magnitude, nor so soon. That we're winning is a comfort. Yet, what preoccupies me now are the repercussions. Will the town hold me accountable for drawing the pirates here? Or perhaps, will this situation bolster Stanisk's position, granting him and, by extension, White Flame, greater sway over our defences?" He paused, the weight of his thoughts momentarily silencing him. "Our future is shifting beneath our feet—filled with uncertainties."
From the shadows, Aethlina added,”The absence of the count is strongly in our favour. There will be opportunities to gain legitimacy. On balance this is good for us.”
Moments later she could hear a great number of footsteps on the dirt road. The lamp on the table was on its lowest setting, just a tiny pale flame danced on its wick. Even in its dim light Taritha could see that everyone at the table also heard the approach. The two soldiers stood slowly and silently, putting on and fastening their helms. Rikad tightened the straps on one of his gauntlets.
“Oy! It’s a fucking bloodsoaked nightmare in there!”
The sounds of feet on the splintered timber of the gate gave some indication of what was happening.
“Did anyone survive this massacre?”
“It looks like just pirates corpses? Maybe they already gathered they’se own?”
“Sirs? Are you okay? Anyone here?” said a slightly familiar voice.
“Is that you, Klive?” Rikad asked. He cracked the door open just a sliver to get a look.
“Hey! You survived! Anyone else with you?” Klive’s voice was filled with genuine relief.
Rikad looked to Grigory, and the mage gave a subtle nod.
“Yeah man! We’re all fine! Stanisk took most of the crew out on a mission, but we’re alright.” Rikad flung the barracks door wide, revealing the courtyard where about two dozen militiamen had assembled. Their attire ranged from cloth gambesons to some without any armour, unified only by the leather gloves adorning their hands. The marks of recent conflict were evident on many with serious wounds still bleeding. In their grasp, they held an eclectic arsenal—some clutching simple spears, while others held repurposed tools.
Grigory emerged from the barracks and looked over his visitors. “You have wounded men! You three! Move the patio tables into the open middle, Taritha, fetch my biomancy bag from my quarters. Thero, fetch five lamps from inside, and bring them out to me. Hurry!” Taritha and Thero ran off as ordered.
The militiamen looked to the best equipped of them, the stocky town blacksmith. He wore cloth armour with a metal helm. He held a steel tipped spear and shield. The smith shrugged. “Yeah, do what he says, he can help.”
Taritha welcomed the stress of helping the injured, an improvement over the anxiety of waiting. She knew how to clean and stitch a cut. Doubly so with the mage’s help on the immediately life threatening ones.
Once the worst of the wounded were stabilised the militia sergeant turned to his men. “If you can still hold a weapon, fall into formation! We still have a town to protect! Klive, stay here with your mage! If you can find the kindness to do a bit more healing tonight, Lord Mage, I’d like to send any wounded we find to you?”
“Certainly! We’ll save everyone we can. Good luck!” Grigory said, still wrapping bandages around a deep cut in a young man’s arm. The militia left the yard and went towards the town centre, where sounds of fighting could be heard.
Having helped all the injured men, Grigory reclined on a patio chair. “I’ve done business with that man a dozen times, but I never knew he was in the militia! So brave too! Did you see how he took his men right where the fighting was thickest?”
Taritha nodded. “Yeah he’s really holding it together!” Left unsaid was how she wasn’t.
Now that the rush of action was receding, she was all too aware of how many bodies lay strewn around the yard, pale corpses in sticky puddles of their own blood. The reddish hue of the moonlight made the corpses look pale already. The stench of blood and battle still hung heavy, and she knew the small shadows were severed limbs. That could have been her if things had gone a bit different. That could have been all of them.
She was gripped by a crushing tightness in her chest, like a horse standing on her. Then she was doubled over and threw up into a potted patio plant. “I’m so sorry! I’m fine! I’m okay!” Immediately her words were made lies by fresh retching.
“Quite alright, my dear. Go and sit on my back patio. We’re past the real danger for now. Gentlemen, would you mind terribly gathering and stacking these bodies by the gate? I’ll bring you a mug of hot tea, Taritha.”
The three White Flame guards set to cleaning up the scene. On their own initiative they stripped off the jewellery and weapons into an empty bucket. Grigory got a big oil cloth from the stable to cover the pile.
Having done what they could, the mage headed back around the building to the back patio. He smiled as he walked past her to disappear into his quarters, returning almost immediately with two steaming mugs.
“I’m sorry, sir. I don't know what happened to me out there. I’m fine now. Honest.”
Grigory sat down on the chair beside her and passed her a mug. “Not at all. Everyone deals with blood differently.”
She ran an unsteady hand through her hair. “Blood’s fine. Healing folk and delivering babies is always soaked in blood. I can deal with blood any day of the week. It was those men. They were alive then they weren’t. They didn’t want to die and they did. I dunno, that fills me with something like fear, but deeper? Sadder?” She shrugged plaintively.
Grigory nodded and held silent for a while. “They say the curse of sentience is the foreknowledge of our own death. There is a big difference between knowing that there will be a day you won’t exist anymore, and confronting it like tonight.” Grigory blew the steam away from his tea and continued. “You’re young, you haven’t seen how cheap life is out in the Empire. When I came to understand how fragile all our lives are, it set me on the course that brought me here. To make sure that everyone gets to flourish. It’s become my life’s work. Harness that dread. Let it motivate you.”
Taritha frowned. “I guess? It's hard to get motivated by dizziness and nausea, sir.”
“It’s a process. Don’t expect it to be easy or fun, but you can’t flinch from it; try to face it. I will die. You will die. We probably won’t get a say in how. Same as everyone else. You can choose what you do while you’re alive though. Maybe we can be helpful between now and then?”
Taritha inhaled deeply, at a loss for words. She turned her attention to her tea, gently blowing on the steam to watch the swirls and patterns dance above her mug. She let the soothing scent cleanse her mind. It was an exotic blend she’d never had before, a touch of spice amidst gentle florals that reminded her of the mage.
In the tranquillity of darkness, they sat together in silence, savouring their tea. The distant cacophony of battle was conspicuously absent. Her serene interlude was broken by the sound of rapid footsteps approaching on packed gravel, Taritha looked up expectantly.
Thero rounded the corner; “Sir, more injured folk arrived, we need your help!”
Grigory gently tapped her knee and stood up. “Feeling up to saving some lives? I think we are going to have a lot more to do tonight.”
Taritha smiled with fresh confidence. “Yeah. I think that’s exactly what I need to do right now.”
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I am a FG and keep my hair short, usually a blunt cut between jaw to the shoulders, but I'm near the end of my second pregnancy and want the ability to still be able to throw it in a ponytail or clip but also wanting something different. I tried out The Rachel cut when my first was born and enjoyed it a lot, but looking at the very few pictures of me at the time... Was it really flattering at all? 😅 Does a cut like that tend to flatter a FG? I know that at the time I was breastfeeding and a bit puffy and more round than normal due to hormones and increased calorie intake to make milk, so maybe that's skewing how I view it?
I guess what I'm asking is: any other FGs have success with the Rachel haircut?? If not, what has worked for you? (I now know no stacked bob for me because I look so much older with them for some reason 😵‍💫) if it helps at all, my face is mostly heart shaped, with a sharp jaw, small nose, moderately full lips, and large round eyes. I look better with my hair up than down

I live in Maryland and my eldest son (13) just moved in with me about a week ago. His mom could no longer control him, and she decided it was time to live with his father. Prior to this decision, she decided that the best course of action was to have him admitted to a mental facility. He is a really sweet kid, and that environment really affected him. And I learned that this wasn't the first time she did this to him. I have seen and talked to my son very sparingly over the last 5 years, much do to his mom making it difficult for me to contact or spend time with he and his brother's (we have 3 boys together). Now that he is here, I am finding out some disturbing things about his lived experience with his mom. I knew their relationship was beginning to faulter, but nothing like what I am hearing. I understand that some of if not all of this would be considered hearsay, but here we go...
Even though I wasn't in him or his brother's life, I always sent them a 10 pound box of Easter candy, gifts for their birthdays, & Christmas. I asked him did they get the gifts and Easter candy all of these years, he said his mom would show the things to them and throw them in the trash. I had been estranged from my grandmother so we haven't spoken until Christmas 2022. I asked her what she knew about this and she confirmed that she knew it was true. Again she is probably getting this information from my son.
Speaking to my grandmom yesterday, she disclosed to me that she had him sleeping on the floor. He and I were on our way to the gym last night, and I was talking to him about his sleeping arrangement at his mom's. He, his mom, his sister and 2 brother's were all sharing 1 room. On top of that, his mom and his sister shared a bed, and his brother's shared a bunk bed, and he was put on the floor with 2 blankets to sleep on top of as well as a pillow. He said this was because he wets the bed. He has not wet the bed 1 time since being at my house. My grandmother said when he's at her house he doesn't have a bed wetting problem. Originally I was supposed to pick him up on February 19th as I took a vacation that week anyway. She called me and said hey you need to come get him earlier than your proposed date. When we got off the phone she sends me a text saying, "You going to have to get him sooner than your date he can sleep on the floor." I jokingly replied "Don't kill him lol. His bed is on the way. I can pick him up February 2." Looking at this now, I know this is speculative, but to me it is confirmation of what I am hearing.
He has ADHD so he needs to be in therapy. She would not give him the medication so that he can focus in class, and his grades are suffering because of it. I asked her to send me the medication, she said she would. When it was time to exchange him, she didn't send the medication. I asked again for the meds, we met up and she gave me the pill bottle. I thought nothing of it. While we were at the meeting place, she jokingly said to him, "Yeah you know Jace and Josiah don't miss you hahaha." I said to her, "Look at him. He doesn't think that's funny." Later that evening I gave my fiancé the pill bottle, she immediately says, "It's really convenient that he has just a few pills, and the fill date is the only thing on the label that's ripped off, and there are no more refills." My kids have had their grandmother pass away in their home, their uncle passed away at a church sermon while they were in attendance, a cousin murdered in front of their house, and an absent father for the last few years; they really need therapy. My grandmother told me, the 2 younger ones have never gone to therapy, and the older one has not been in therapy since 2022 (so a little over a year).
He's been bullied in school about his clothes and appearance. My son is 5'10 287 pounds. He is not confident in his appearance or his ability to perform physically like other kids his age. He has an ingrown toenail that really bothers him. He looks like he hasn't had a haircut in a few months. I checked through his clothes last night, he had so many clothes with holes in them or that were really worn. He had a brand new pair of boots, so I asked him where he got the boots? He said, "My Nana bought them for me."
He has not had a chance for redemption with her. He said he has a Nintendo Switch, I asked where it was, he said his mom took it from him about a year ago and never gave it back. This seems to be the case with all of his things. As it was the same answer for where is your tablet? Where is your phone?
She wants us to exchange him every 2 weeks starting June. He said himself he doesn't want that. I believe he's old enough to make the decision about where he wants to live.
I have been keeping note of every incident for the past year that I knew of, because she would not return my calls or text pertaining to the children. And my text are very lighthearted, and just me saying to her how much I need to be in their lives. I started stacking ammo so that I could save up for a lawyer.
We do not have a custody agreement (I know, mistake number #1 at a minimum).
As he lives with me now, and we have no agreement, does that mean I have Primary Custody over him? He doesn't go back home to visit (at least that's what the verbal agreement was).
Are these things grounds for me to file for some sort of custody over the other 2 (whether primary or visitation)?
How much typically does a case like this cost?
I know in Maryland I can't use recorded phone calls in court without the other person's knowledge, but I do have recorded phone calls. I have a call recorder app that I use whenever speaking to her (it records automatically). I was wondering if this is something I can at least give to a lawyer so he/she knows what they're dealing with?
Thanks for any help you guys. I don't really know what questions to ask, so if there is any oversight on my part, please inform me.