I told him he was praying on vonerabule women by telling them he was single and telling them all the stuff he would do for them and his dreams and none of them included me. He said it was just to get nudes but it does not hurt any less when I'm at home with his child cleaning his house doing his laundry. But should I let him do it if it keeps him home at night with us instead of going out??

Hola!
That is about as much as I will butcher the language at this point out of respect. I am a 49 year old white Canadian male. A couple years out of a 20+ year marriage. Kids out of the nest. Canada has lost it's beauty, it is a broken country and I want to leave. I'm no Fabio but am attractive and keep myself in good shape. I'm a courteous, respectful, honorable, 'normal' guy with great morals. I want to go live somewhere else. I did it 20 years ago for a year in Ireland and Costa Rica with my family, time to go again, unfortunately because my country is no longer livable. I'm not rich but am not poor, I make my money over the internet so I can work anywhere (EST stock exchange hours). My health is good but I have some musculaskeletal issues that mean I can't stand for more than an hour, sit for more than about 8 hours and can do about 8km of walking/hiking. You wouldn't know from looking at me.
Canadian dollars go far in South America and that is very enticing to me. I have been to Mexico three times and lived in PDC for a month. I've travelled to about 15 countries. I thought I would start looking for a place to relocate to in Colombia, maybe tour some nearby countries and compare once I am down there. Looking to rent a furnished place but am having trouble finding resources other than Airbnb, which is ridiculously expensive because of the company. In Mexico I used facebook and got great deals with locals selling rentals outside of the airbnb trap. It's there such a thing for Colombia? The airbnb prices are for people that maybe want to spend $100 a night for a couple nights. Not me, monthly furnished rental.
Other than finding a place which I imagine it will be a lot easier once I am down there (but would like a starting base), I am having great difficulty getting good information regarding Colombian cities which is strange, so many competing points of view! If someone could help with finding a starting (maybe ending) city for me that would be amazing! Thank you for any help you provide!! :-)

• Feminists chill out, I am respectful of women and completely believe in equal rights. I will be coming down single and looking for a 'normal' partner to spend time with and enjoy life! If I don't meet someone that is okay. I have zero interest in ladies of the night and am not coming down to "steal" or mistreat any Colombian females. I understand that Colombian women are considered generally more outwardly beautiful per capita than other countries but who knows I might end up with a fellow mover or traveler. I am too old and too young for the huge boobs and bum with the lips and fillers and all that, not attractive to me. I am sure there are tons of naturally beautiful people there. So I will not be interested in the women that want to drug me. I'm kind of out of the 'party until 2am scene' and like to be somewhere where I can actually hear the beautiful Spanish that is being spoken to me when talking to someone, even though I can not understand them at this point. I don't prefer to hang out with tourists/ tourist areas. I am going to learn Spanish over the summer so I will be able to get along by the time I leave (November 2024 probably).

I have been researching for a couple weeks now in order to try to find a great city to start in. This is what I have been told on the net by MANY locals and digital nomads that lived there.

• Cartagena - Super hot and humid, overflowing with tourists. Party city, very high petty crime. Child sex tourism. More expensive because tourist town. Nice sights, no beaches for a costal city other than traveling to one by boat. Good food choices if I wanted to eat out every night which I do not, I like to cook healthy food.
• Cali - Not as touristy but crime is brutal right now aka don't go you will get killed or robbed. Other than that which seems like a no-go for a first timer to Colombia couldn't find much.
• Santa Marta - Same as Cartagena but not as touristy. Crime is higher. Weather similar or worse. Nice to visit but not stay.
• Barranquilla - Business city, looked promising with more educated populace. Crime bad because of more wealthy working class. City is boring, not much to see and little social/nightlife. Traffic nightmare. Locals not friendly, busy working city.
• Bogota - Cold, rainy, high altitude. Huge urban sprawl. Terrible pollution, very high crime. Too big?
• Medellin - 2x rainy and pollution as bad as Bogota, you WILL get robbed or killed here. Locals are there to grift, drug and rob/kill you. Overrun with disgusting North American expats and tourists trying to take advantage of the locals -> High prostitution. Expensive. Good days trips from here.

Seems like the worst place in the world to visit/live! I don't believe it. I'm not stupid and am well travelled so I won't get robbed easily. I don't get drunk so even better but makes nightclubbing a little boring.
The rain and weather... well it rains here for about 10 months of the year so I would like to get away from that. 90% humidity is going to take me at least a couple of weeks of drowning in my own sweat to get used to and not look like a water fountain walking around but I went through that in PDC, MX.
I need a good internet connection and I need the conveniences of living in a bigger city. Walk to grocery, other places while staying in my 8km walking radius. I am prescribed THC to take at night for insomnia and pain to get to sleep. So, will need to be in a place where access to that is available without being killed. Other than that not interested in the drug scene. Was thinking about buying a car but sounds like that is a bad idea. I can motorcycle/scooter etc, so was thinking maybe getting something like that to get around. Works in most other countries. Other than that, it would be taxis (yes I know) or uber.
I am sure there are amazing places to relocate to in Colombia but as soon as someone says something good about a place it is destroyed by another 10 commentators. Just want to live in a nice place with nice people where my dollar will allow me to live a nice life vs unlivable Canada. Rent a nice little 2br close to convenience, a city with a reasonable night life and activities but not America's playground like Cabo San Lucas. Help! :-) Thanks for reading/any advice.
PS - I posted this in Colombia and nobody anything to say other than don't come here now. If there truly isn't a city in Colombia that I couple enjoy for a couple months, does anyone here have a better spot to start? I would like my CDN dollar to super stretch and be in a place that is interesting, fun, great locals. Internet and grocery convenience is a need. starting to look at BA in Argentina now but would like to visit all the SA countries when down there. Will need to because of 6 month visa restrictions anyway. Cheers!

"Thunderclap, will you fucking stop that?" Green Growler said.
"Uggghhhh, stop what?" Thunderclap replied.
"That isn't him, that is your own pulse in your head dumbass." Esperelda, the mind sharing martian maiden said, she was usually far kinder. Green growler cocked an eyebrow at her in surprise and mouthed 'dumbass?' at Thunderclap, who only shrugged. Then the martian vomited, blue, so much blue. She'd tried to share their last party member's mind, but she was still whirling drunk.
The woman on the ground was called Kickass Karen, she was... well, a kind of generic super. Super strong, but not like... punch the planet in half strong or anything. Just bending steel beams and jumping over medium size buildings in a single bound, strong. No flight powers or laser eyes, but she could run about as fast a car on the freeway in short bursts, but a motorcycle might get away, however clearly she did not have super alcohol tolerance. Oh, she was also mildy bullet resistant. Small caliber tended to bounce off her, but she was hit in the hand with a .50 cal sniper rifle once, and it broke a bunch of her hand bones but only left a small cut on her skin.
Esperelda was the only one on her feet. When she stood up a handful of cows in the pasture noticed them, and started coming over.
"Mooooo!" Thunderclap said to them as they walked up. He slapped himself slightly in the face. A barbarian of a man in all ways, but still a little too hungover for that. He groaned, regretting slapping his own face.
Green Growler turned himself into a green housecat. Any predator would do, but he didn't want to startle the cows by being a tiger or something big. "Is Karen alright?" He said as a cat.
She lifted up her head at hearing her name. "I'll live. Ugggghhh my head. I swear to Mrs Infinity, I'm never drinking again. What even happened last night?"
Kickass Karen sat up, her bob hair cut somehow still immaculate. Super hair. A digital camera dropped from her chest and landed in her lap.
Esperelda, being the least hungover by far, asked, "What is that device? Is that a camera? Perhaps it'll have some clues as to how we ended up in this state."
Karen tossed it to her and then rolled over onto all fours and threw up. Super threw up. Sitting up was a super mistake.
Thunderclap staggered to his feet and made himself busy petting the cows. Using them to keep his balance too. He was still drunk, hungover for sure, but also still drunk. "There's a plume of black smoke rising over the horizon."
"Oh no..." Esperelda said, looking at the last couple of pictured they'd taken before jumping from what looked like a private jet they'd stolen. "That's probably the airplane we jumped out of."
Kickass Karen groaned. "That must be why I feel like I shit."
Green Growler jumped awkwardly up onto Esperelda's shoulder, ended up needing to use far more claws to get his perch than he meant to. "Shit sorry, sorry, sorry. I was just trying to get a view of the camera."
"You were trying to not have to walk yourself." Esperelda said settling him on her shoulders, "I don't even need to use my Martian Mind powers to know that."
Thunderclap laughed. "She's got you there bud."
"Good Lord! Delete that immediately." Growler said to Esperelda looking at a picture of him being ridden as a tiger by three scantily clad women.
"Did you see this one?" She scrolled back the other way. Taking them later in the night, this one showed him having his belly pet by a handful of nude party goers.
"Okay, so what the fuck happened last night?"the Green cat said, "Go back toward the start."
"I am, I am. Look at this one." Esperelda showed him a picture of him as a green tiger licking a woman's back.
"Delete that too." Growled the Green feline.
"In the mean time we should head toward that plume of smoke in case people there need our help." Kickass Karen said. She tried to stand and immediately regretted it.
"Use a cow." Thunderclap told her, helping her up to lean on his while he staggered to the next one. "Good cows."
They were good cows. Friendly cows. The one Karen was leaned against licked her face. "I'm tellin your manager you're licking the customers." She joked.
As they walked toward the plume of black smoke, Esperelda and Green Growler put together the story of the previous night. They'd ended the night by crashing a plane, but before that they had had a wild night of debauchery... or maybe interrupted a wild night of debauchery and joined it. About half way through the camera roll the four of them stopped even being there. It was however pretty obvious that the revelry the people on camera before them was having was... well very illegal. It makes sense that they showed up.
"Look at this guy. He's in the background a bunch later in the night too. He's always there." Growler commented from Esperelda's shoulder, "Is he wearing horns? Or are those really part of his head."
"In some of the pictures he doesn't have them, and in other's... Oh it's when he's not looking at the camera, that he does." She said.
"I dunno how you two are looking at a screen right now." Karen said. Thunderclap grunted his agreement.
"Well, based on what we've seen, you two drank a magnificent amount, far more than either of us. Also Martians process alcohol much faster than humans. And Growler's his own weirdness."
"Hey, I'm not weird." The green talking cat said.
"Shape shifting green blob from outer space, that can only become predatory creatures... not weird at all." Karen said, and they all shared a good-natured laugh, and then groan at their head aches.
Esperelda kept flicking through the camera roll and finally coming to the begining, "The guy with horns absolutely started the out of control part of the party. This camera started it's night at a divorce party some twenty somethings were holding for their friend. There were six pictures on it before he showed up in the background the first time. And then things start to get wildly out of control, and fast. Fifteen minutes from his first appearance to straight up nudity and drinking to excess. He seems to have riled up enough people to join him in whatever he was up to that he robbed both a bank and a museum with a drunken mob, and then we showed up."
"Scroll us back toward the end of the night now." The green cat said, "I missed most of the part where we stole a plane."
The four of them crested a small hill in the cow pasture, and saw the smoldering ruins of their airplane not too far away, on the other side of the home attached to this pasture. There were fire trucks around, emergency personnel all over the place.
"Ah, here it is. Horn man joined us in the airport." Esperelda said, and then flipped through some more, "Here's us drinking with the TSA agent, and another of us pouring shots into a pilot's mouth... oh dear."
"Horn man?" A familiar, yet unfamiliar voice said. "That's a terrible name. How about you kids call me 'The Reveler!'
There he was, the man from the camera roll, sitting up in the pasture with them, like he'd just woke up well rested. The bastard had no hangover. He only had horns on his head when you weren't looking right at him in person, and only on camera when he wasn't looking.
"Hey buddy, don't take this weird, but are you aware your legs are on backward?" Thunderclap said. Kickass Karen grunted in agreement.
The Reveler laughed. "You must still be quite drunk if you're able to see my true form, but they're just goat's legs. Now, I had a good time with you kids last night. You lot came to break up my party, but you joined me instead. I like that. Lets do it again soon."
A pair of women had broken away from the fire trucks and emergency personnel and was walking over to meet their little group in the cow pasture when The Reveler turned to leave. He took one step and vanished in a puff of smoke that smelled of wine and weed.
The two women walking over were identical. A pair of Mrs Infinitys. They walked over to help Thunderclap and Kickass Karen to stagger out of the cow pasture and give them a hand getting over the fence. Esperelda set Green Growler on a fence post and hopped over herself, and then re-collected the cat.
When the two aliens turned back to face the humans, both Kickass Karen and Thunderclap were crying and apologizing to the Mrs Infinitys. And they were both being very reassuring and promising the young supers they had done a good job.
"Oh no no my dears, you did great! That was an ultra omega triple S-level threat, and you four managed to get through the night without anyone getting killed, surprisingly enough. A lot of property damage and theft though. A lot. That's Pan for you though."
Kickass Karen swallowed hard and squeaked out, "Did you say Pan? Like the Greek God?"
Both Mrs Infinitys sighed. The one next to Karen spoke, "Yes, he resurrected a few years ago. Since then, twice a year at the spring and autumn equinox he goes out partying. Looks like he likes you four though."
She plucked a green rectangular business card from the back of Thunderclap's costume. It had 'The Reveler' pressed into it. "Ahh, I see he's come up with a new name for himself. Wonderful."
Esperelda knew better than to try to share minds with Mrs Infinity, so she asked, "Well what's next?"
"Electrolytes. Probably something greasy to eat, and a nap, I assume." She smiled, and the other one started talking. "But in six months I expect Pan comes calling on you four again, and I hope you'll be up to the task to keep him entertained again. As yet, we have no idea how to contain him."
Kickass Karen swore, and Mrs Infinity said, "Language, Miss Miller."
Karen laughed and then groaned because her head was pounding. "Sorry, but just a few minutes ago I swore on you that I'd never drink again... and well ain't that some shit that you of all people would show up to tell me I need to train for a drinkathon with literal Pan. At least its not Dionysus right?

The whole of planet Earth is now familiar with the utopia that is Austin. Music capital of the world, comedy capital of the world and outdoor orgy capital of the world. My friend Ernie told me that it's mandatory to be fully naked at Barton Springs Pool and orgies are happening everywhere.
That's all I needed to hear. I cashed in my 401k, booked a ticket through Spirit and landed in Austin Saturday morning ready to get more ass than a Buckee's shitter on a long holiday weekend.
I grabbed a lime scooter from outside my Motel 6. I didn't want to look like a tourist so traveling like local Austinites was the only option.
I scooted on over to Golds Gym. Pro life tip: tell them you're a local and get a free day pass! I got a SERIOUS pump on. I mean, the curls I was busting out in the squat rack made every head turn in the place. For a second I thought kickoff of orgypaloosa would be a few hours early but I loudly let everyone know I was saving my loads for Barton Springs. Looks of disappointment, I initially mistook for confusion, flashed across the faces of men, women and children alike.
I left soon thereafter and scooted my fine ass to the nearest petrol station for some gas station dick pills. I grabbed a blister pack if 12 Screaming Rhino Horn and let the cashier know with a smile and a fist bump that Austin best hide its females cause the gun and pole show just rolled into town. He smiled back at me knowingly. I dont think he spoke English but it didn't matter. He knew. I fired back a handful, jumped on my sweet ride and peeled out of there.
I was taken aback when I arrived at BSP. I counted a total of two wayward titties both on a girl looking like she was smuggling tarantulas under her arms. Ya no thanks I told her.
Anyways I figured someone just needed to get the the party started so I stripped down to my sack-and-gawea. The rhinos hadn't kicked in yet so I got to work chubbing myself up. No chance I'm walking around that place not fully torqued.
Next thing I know I'm tackled and roughly escorted out by some broccoli headed virgins and told I was blacklisted. ME! For doing what?? Trying to understand and adapt to the local culture? For being white? Ya that's what I thought.
If you want to get cancelled for being too real, go to BSP. Unfortunately, you won't see me there. Your loss.

Me and my partner have been in a relationship for almost 8 years. It's been rocky on and off. It's to a point where I don't think we can keep going though. She's become more and more unhappy in the last year and I know it's partly my fault. I've stopped putting in as much effort as I used to.
She comes from a bit of an emotionally fraught background, I was the first boyfriend to not be physically abusive. She's extremely sweet and loving and kind and has a very deep feeling emotional side as well as a very practical one. But those things can lead to some bad places. It's dumb, but over the years I've found it hard to move on from the things that have happened.
When we got together she said she had broken up with her boyfriend I found out later they were still together. Over the early years when we were often long-distance she would tell me about all the guys interested in her and how she was going out to dinners with them and then deny they were dates. Then laugh about her girlfriends cheating on their boyfriends and give justifications for it. When I would go out with friends or compete abroad I would often spend the evenings answering angry texts about why I was ignoring her or didn't like her to the point where doing those things slowly became less fun. She's also tended towards being physically abusive when jealous or after particularly big success moments where she's afraid I'll move on. She broke a toe kicking a wall when I came back from winning a European Championship. I haven't found any joy in competing since really. But that could be other factors. I got threatened with a knife and repeatedly called gay after I stayed late helping a business partner around Christmas. Also around the same time I found out she was sending photos (not nudes) to a guy that had forcibly kissed her on a business trip, something I found after she came back and was super angry with me and she got abusive when I was upset.
A lot of those cleared up with time and support. Still since then other things have still happened. We went to councilling when I had a job that had that as a perk. When it was my turn to talk to the councillor over Skype she left her phone hidden in the room to record what I said. We've been living on my parent's property and using it for our business for the last few years to try and get our business off the ground and save enough to have a house. It's been tough and there have been frictions. I didn't speak to my parents for 6 months because they had admittedly made a pretty big fuckup (animal got hurt) on something and the argument between my GF escalated to the point my GF accused my mother of lying about being sexually abused as a child. She even wrote my mother a really mean message from my phone and then blocked her afterwards so I wouldn't see. She lied until I really proved it. There's been other small stuff and I feel like it's my job to constantly keep her in balance. It's been super tough on the business too, she's great at some bits of it, but really bad at working with clients and employees.
Physical intimacy has gotten lackluster over the years. She says she is still attracted to me but honestly I don't feel like it. Intimacy happens when she feels like it and when I try and set the mood it almost never works. I know relationships change but it honestly kind of hurts to be constantly feeling like I'm not good enough. I'm not the most attractive man on earth, but I'm 6ft and decently athletic and other women notice me on business trips so it kinda stings my partner doesn't seem to. I've kept trying to address this in the relationship through different things, things might change for a week or two or go back to the same pattern.
Over the last year, I've kind of given up and lost the energy a bit. It's also come at the same time as another major blow to one of our businesses after Covid burnt it to the ground for 2 years, it was just coming back. I've been focusing on another business I started over Covid which is a subject I know she thinks is silly. She's also gotten busy renovating a property with money she inherited from her grandfather and is grieving. She's been really focused on that and getting a lot of help from the contractor who she spends loads of time texting even late. Her girlfriends think it's weird too. I've been trusting and kept out of it, but partly I just lack the energy anymore to do anything or say anything.
Things came to a bit of a head yesterday. It comes down to her confessing she wants someone who she feels takes care of her and she wanted me to be with her every day helping with the renovations and making sure she didn't have to do the manual labor. I confessed I wanted a relationship where we are mostly independent and don't really expect each other's help on things. We kind of came to conclusion to take a break. Neither of us is happy and it can't go on like this. But now she doesn't want to and is super sweet again. I kind of do want the break, I just feel empty. I used to be a really caring guy, but I feel it hard now most days to be empathetic. I know a lot of issues come from her moving to this country with me from the country where her business was going well before and her grandparents were. I feel super guilty about that and failing to provide a stable and financially successful life. I kind of want the break and I melt everytime I see her breaking down crying, but I can't ever just entirely let all the things that have happened in the past out of my mind. It's dumb but I'm finding it hard to just let some of that stuff go, I also kind of feel some stuff you shouldn't forget about.
Am I holding on too long? A lot of things she has genuinely improved on, but I still can't trust or let go.

I have been married for 6 months. At the start of our marriage my husband went through my phone and found messages from 4 years ago that he didn’t like, these were messages about my past relationships in quite a lot of detail. I had forgotten that those messages existed as they were between myself and an old female friend. Ever since then he has been very emotionally abusive. He calls me names, brings up my past and uses it against me, threatens to divorce me and threatens to expose me. He would have regular outbursts where he leaves the house for the whole day/night every few days and ignores my calls and doesn’t tell me where he goes. He would also regularly screams at me and call me names, put me down and tells me he wants to divorce me and threaten to expose me. He kicked me out of the house once at night and told me i either leave or he divorces me and he would often give me silent treatment. He would always calm down after I do a lot of begging and crying and usually things go back to normal or he tells me he loves me and cant be without me. But then he would always have another one of his ‘outbursts’ a couple of days later as these were happening multiple times a week. I also found him talking to multiple women, he was arranging a whole nikah with one and asking to meet up with others but claims none of it was serious and that it was just an ego boost. He also had nudes of his exes still on his phone months into the marriage yet constantly abuses me for my past using the excuse that he’s a man its different. Recently it got physical where he strangled me and forced intercourse with me. He then took my phone off me and locked me out the house at 3 am in my underwear. I got a neighbour to call police and reported this and he was arrested. He is now refusing to give me divorce and he is demanding back the mahar plus gifts given to me. Has anyone been through a similar situation or can advise me on what to do?

Which is to be cool. The closest she's come to being "cool" is during the 1989 era and she still wasn't because it was obviously so contrived and fake.
She's done so much to try and seem edgy and cool, even going as far to say that Reputation was a "goth punk moment of female rage", as if she's ever in her life stood for anything other than the norm.
I honestly feel like this is why she's trying so fucking hard to bite Lana's style because like her or not Lana has always been an indie darling and she's actually spawned so many younger artists because of her music. Lana's always been a Tumblr icon too, which Taylor was trying so hard to be in 2014. Not that Lana's backstory she tries to give is true, but she's obviously had experiences dark enough to actually draw upon for her music.
I have no doubt that she's had depressing moments, but growing up rich and then becoming a billionaire there's not much to draw from that can give you that cool factor, especially if you're not willing to do anything remotely unconventional.
She doesn't even have an iconic pop culture moment (IN MY OPINION). Lady Gaga had the meat dress and Paparazzi performance, Miley had the twerking in a nude latex suit, Katy had the entire Teenage Dream era, Beyonce had single ladies, Kesha had the glitter.. wtf does Taylor have? Being "cancelled"?
I know fans try to act like she does, but she really doesn't even have a signature song, normal people aren't saying PUT ON THIS TAYLOR SONG! Random people on the street would literally rather listen to a Dua Lipa song.
She's just not cool, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that because not everybody is, especially someone as famous and she is, but having watched her career for so long it's just cringeworthy to watch her rip off other women like Rihanna (We Found Love music video which she copied for I Knew You Were Trouble) and Lana (where to even begin with this one lol) to try and seem cool when she never will be.
Also, fuck her for releasing her album the same day as Carly Rae released The Loneliest Time. I have my own personal conspiracy theory that she's jealous of Carly because Carly is an effortlessly incredible pop writer and she never will be.
Edit: Folks, I understand that Kanye interrupting her was iconic, but that was something that happened to her, not something iconic that she did.

My bf (M 27) and myself female (F 25) have been together for 2 and a half years. From the very beginning, he’s always accused me of talking to someone else. He accused me of cheating multiple times, every few months I would get an accusation.
Once was because I had a bunch of followers, I was a bartender and bottle girl, which I met him AT the lounge I worked at, and quit a few months into our relationship. I went ahead and removed over 900 followers. Second time, he just randomly asked and said it was because I don’t answer my texts fast enough. Happened a total of maybe 5-6 times at this point.
The most hurtful time, he asked me if nudes he found were mine. There is this discord chat of naked photos of women in my area, which him and his friends. He accused me of having a photo on that discord. Which was FALSE. The body of the woman didn’t even look like me, and I told him that I have beauty marks/moles on certain parts of my body that isn’t in that picture. I even mentioned that I’ve had my belly pierced since I was 14, there was no belly piercing on that woman either.
I sometimes notice that he turns his phone away from me if I’m sitting or standing beside him. He says “I know his password”, but I actually don’t. I never go through this phone, because he really hasn’t given me a reason to look.
I am not a cheater. Before him, I was with my ex boyfriend for 3 and a half years who cheated on me religiously. I know what that feels like. It’s betrayal.
Is my bf cheating on me? Because he is always accusing me. I don’t have proof, it’s just a feeling. I know I’ll be lied to.

So, this is a really long story, and I apologize in advance. TL;DR at the bottom.
I(20F) have been best friends with Olivia (20F) since we were 11. Since I moved away for school/work, Olivia admittedly doesn’t have much going on in her life. She graduated high school and doesn’t currently have a job, so she spends most of her time online.
Back in April 2022, when she turned 18, she started spending most of her time on Omegle. She eventually met this guy: Casey (22M).
She “immediately knew something was different” about Casey, because he was attracted to her without knowing what she looked like, and that made him better to her than every other guy she talked to, because he could have a conversation with her first. After that first conversation, they started “talking” on Snapchat, and a week later, they were online dating. It went okay for a week, but then he started ghosting her. He used the excuse that he was busy with his job, depressed, and he couldn’t bring himself to “use his phone constantly.”
Olivia is the type of person that when a guy says something like that, she’s going to devote her time to checking up on him daily—sending him memes and quotes, reminding him to keep his head up, and letting him know that she’s there when he’s ready to talk. After two weeks of this ghosting, he finally responded and told her he wanted to break up, because he “couldn’t handle a relationship right now.” BUT, great news, he’d (obviously) still love to be online friends (with benefits).
Their dynamic from there on got worse. He would ask her for an exorbitant amount of nude pictures and videos and constantly gaslight her if she wasn’t willing. He said thousands of horrible things (once he even told her he was better than her because he's white). He would tell her about all his insane one-night stands he was having all the time, even though he knew she still had feelings for him. Honestly, I don’t rememberthe rest of the bad things he did, but it really just boils down to him using her and being horrible.
Throughout their entire "friendship", one random girl kept trying to follow and talk to Olivia. When she asked Casey if he knew who this girl was, he told her it was his “psycho” ex who tried to ruin his life.
Tsuki (19F), according to him, had been obsessed with him ever since she got diagnosed with cancer, but he told Olivia that she shouldn’t feel bad about it, because she's psychotic and he wasn’t interested in her. Tsuki kept trying to talk to her, and because of what Casey said, Olivia kept blocking her every time she tried to initiate anything.
In January 2023, Casey tried to stop talking to Olivia. He would do this constantly; telling her they couldn’t talk anymore, or just randomly ghosting her, but then suddenly changing his mind, and she’d just go along with it and take him back. So they stopped talking, and then Tsuki tried to follow Olivia on a different account. Of course, she blocked her again, but I (honestly and regretfully) overstepped my role and messaged Tsuki. I asked her why she kept trying to follow Olivia, and she told me she’d been dating Casey since 2021, and was trying to figure out if he was cheating on her.
I told my friend all of this, she confronted both Tsuki and Casey and for some reason, both girls started this weird friendship-competition where they complained about him, but simultaneously tried to one-up each other to prove that he loved one of them more. But, of course, both refused to stop talking to him. Eventually, I convinced Olivia to stop talking to him, and let him stay with his girlfriend, since she didn’t want to and was not going to leave. Everything was calm for a while until he decided to text Olivia again, because Tsuki apparently got admitted to the hospital, and he got “scared she was going to die.” Olivia felt bad because she thought he seemed genuinely “sad and afraid,” so she wanted to be there to comfort him. I tried my best to tell her it was a bad idea, but I knew I couldn’t do much to stop her, and I couldn’t bring myself to text a dying girl in the hospital to tell her that her boyfriend was cheating on her AGAIN.
During this time, my friend started talking to a different guy, one who was actually in person. Not to make her situation even worse, but the guy she started talking to was one of her friend’s unrequited crush, who had kept leading Olivia’s friend on. This is when I realized truly that Olivia had no morals, especially when it came to men. She always claims she doesn’t owe the women in men’s lives anything, and she can’t help if they’re attracted to her, and she’s always going to be nice to them anyways even if they’re trying to cheat with her. In this time period, she decides to talk to this other guy and Casey simultaneously.
By September 2023, Tsuki had been out of the hospital for a while, and their “comfort” relationship was back to a friends-with-benefits situation. Olivia suddenly got jealous of Tsuki and the fact that Casey was hiding her from his (literal) girlfriend again. She gave him an ultimatum to “follow her on Instagram” (I’m so serious) or stop talking to her, because not following her would mean he was choosing Tsuki. Obviously, he chose Tsuki, left Olivia alone, and blocked her. She wasn’t that upset over it because she just decided to cope and focus all her attention on the other guy.
In March 2024, coincidentally (and really tragically), that other guy ended up also having a girlfriend, who ended up messaging Olivia because she found Olivia’s pictures in his phone. A week after that situation happened, she told me that Casey “suddenly” texted her. He told her this entire spiel about how he and Tsuki hadn’t talked in months, he deleted all social media, and he was healing and wanted to do better. She believed this, but I didn’t, and I (again overstepped, my bad) texted Tsuki and told her. Tsuki told me they never stopped talking, and he was trying to get her to marry him and had dedicated all his social media accounts to posting and matching with her. Olivia got really mad at me. She thought it had nothing to do with me and I was “messy” for getting involved, but I couldn’t let her do this again. When Casey realized Tsuki found out, he blocked Olivia again and apologized for “bothering her.”
She stopped being mad at me, but she started acting weird. Right after, I started having my own issues with a guy I was seeing during that time, and she started projecting onto me. She said the guy obviously didn’t like me enough and called me desperate for still talking to him and I needed to get self respect and she was tired of hearing me talk about him. We got in ANOTHER fight, and somehow, I ended up being the perpetrator and apologized to her, because I didn’t “communicate” well enough with her about why I was upset and ended up just being dry. Two days right after this, Tsuki texted me, asking if Casey was talking to Olivia again. I asked Olivia, and she said no. She also, in that same conversation, called Tsuki sad for texting me when Casey wasn’t even her “real boyfriend.” I ignored this comment (stupidly) and forgot about the situation.
3-4 weeks later, Tsuki texted me again and told me to tell Olivia (because I’m the third person in this now) that Casey was lying to her and him and Tsuki were still together. I was confused about all this, obviously, because Olivia didn’t tell me she was in contact with him again, and Tsuki showed me a screenshot of a playlist that he made (for some reason publicly) with Olivia’s name as the title. I asked Olivia about this, and she told me that, yes, they’re talking, but it’s “platonic,” and he’s really changed. He said that he and Tsuki aren’t talking, but if Tsuki finds out he and Olivia are “friends” again, she’ll “get obsessed,” so I need to not interfere.
After this, I told her I was done with her. She tried defending herself, saying she just liked having Casey around as a friend, and he was the one person in the world who really got her, who she could be herself around. She genuinely didn’t think she did anything wrong, and it’s not like she had a physically sexual relationship with Casey or that he and Tsuki were “actually together.”
I’ve been ignoring her since she said that, and I feel really conflicted. We’ve been friends for almost 10 years, and her behavior over the past 2 years, is so strange that I don’t know if she’s just going through a phase. In one of her messages to me over the past few days, she said that I’m being dramatic, I don't understand the thing that she and Casey have, and even though I don’t like Casey, whatever she does with him, still doesn’t have anything to do with me. I’m incredibly disgusted by her, but I just don’t know what to do. I know it’s wrong of me to ignore her, but I just have no idea what to even say to her, even though I want to say something at least. I don’t want to be the type of person that makes someone choose, and even if she chooses me and finally leaves Casey alone, it’ll just feel like she was forced to, or she can always just hide it from me again. She already knew that I didn’t like her talking to him, but she obviously never respected my opinion or feelings enough to care. I really don’t know if I’m actually being dramatic and if her love life is not my business, but I just feel so lost because I also feel like I’m judging her so hard, and I know I’m really one of the only female friends she has left, so I just feel like an asshole for leaving her over a relationship I’m not even apart of.
TL;DR: My friend Olivia keeps going back to this guy Casey, who’s a chronic cheater on his girlfriend Tsuki, and I don’t want to support someone who’s willing to be with a cheater, but I don’t know what to say to end it with to a friend that I’ve known so long, or if the situation with her love life is not my business like Olivia believes it’s not. Am I the asshole?

It seems like this happens every so often on a few more hookup-y dating apps I'm on (Grindr and Feeld in particular): I'll match with/get messaged by a profile I've never seen before of some cute trans lesbian. They always fit the same general type: thin, white, pretty, very nice pictures but all solo. The kind of pics that COULD be legit dating app pics...or would be right at home as instagram pics that were stolen by some catfish.
The profile bio itself is usually v minimal in detail and more describes their relationship or sexual preferences than actual interests or personality, like a blank slate for the reader to project upon. And the real cincher is that within a few messages of the conversation, which usually feel a little off and lacking in the kind of real personality that chatting w/ an actual real person would have, they send a random "sexy" photo of themselves in undewear or athletic wear and then say something like "here's what I look like rn". Again, the pic is always perfectly shot and lit in an extremely IG or OF way. The few times I've not broken off the conversation there they always try to push things towards either exchanging photos (often blocking me outright when I decline) or they try to get me to meet up at their place and seem to entirely oppose a public meeting
What is up with these!? I can kind of understand the goal of the pic exchange ones, they're just trying to get trans women to send them nudes I suppose, but I'm really concerned at what the ones that try to get you to come to their apartment sight unseen are aiming to do! I almost fell for one of those on a particularly lonely evening before they pulled some weird "I'm naked in my apt rn so just come on up and undress the door is unlocked :)" shit that immediately set my internal alarm off at full blast

Brothers.. the whispers are real.. the rumors are true..
There’s a prolific practice roaming around the manosphere without warning; relentlessly reviving chronic fappers from the grave, fabricating the feeble into beings of superior strength, and fracturing personal weakness into indistinguishable pieces.
Introducing: semen retention; a practice of the powerful who rebel against release and refuse to exchange potent energy for “ejaculatory ecstasy.”
In a previous post, I described the magnificent wonders of retentive celibacy; advocating the advantages of permanent retention over intermittent retaining.
Understandingly, some didn’t approve, as my inbox is often the hotspot for hotheads.
But today, we’ll split our skulls in two and explore both sides of retainer’s romance.

1. The Platonic Practitioner

To some, sex is magic.. To others, its madness..
I’m currently on 3 years retention. And.. as fate would have it, my previous relationship consisted of two significant streaks.

1. An unlikely 50-day sexless streak, where I’d go face to face, toe to toe, and mono e mono with the ultimate seed-keeping challenge; often redlining my retentive abilities and pushing my abstaining limits to the very max, while sleeping next to a boob-nude, bared-ass girlfriend.
2. An eye-opening 21-day, entry-level sexing streak; where I’d first step onto the retentive stage.. Attempting to steer the semonic ship through sexual waters.. desperately hoping to avoid the tragedy of a sinkage fate.

However, in this sexless section of this post, we’ll explore streak #1, where 50 days of abstinence would multiply my retentive ambitions.
If you previously read First Day Savage, you’ve heard the unlikely story of how my girlfriend’s digital doppelganger bewitched her into an unexpected period of abstinence.
My thoughts:

Afterward, it was game-on. If there was the slightest hope of finally gaining an ounce of control over my seed-spilling addictions, this was it.
However, two things were certain.
1. There would be struggle.
2. There would be testimony.
The Struggle
What did I get myself into?..
50 days: no sex.. No blowies.. Nothing.. Damn..
What made things worse were my notorious masturbation habits. See, I wasn’t a “morning” or “bedtime” fapper, but an “all-the-time” fapper; pounding penis to palm every chance I’d get and grabbing my girlfriend for some good ol’ gut-busting before bedtime.
Let’s face it, humans are wired to reproduce and lust provides the incentive to do so even while we’re sleeping. Which brings me to the first challenge:
Mid-sleep masturbation
I still remember the first time it happened.. And my girlfriend wasn’t happy about it.. as violent yells protruded from her megaphone mouth while jabbing my shoulder in sickening disgust.

And then, the interrogation began.. “What you was dreamin’ about?” “Who you was having sex with?” “Huh?”
Yea. I definitely didn’t expect this and was caught defenseless and off-guard.
Imagine her telling all of her friends that her ex, “Semen Retention Guy,” Mr. Wanna-Be-Pure, was pounding palms to penis in his sleep. Haha.
Word of advice to new retainers:
If you’re single, make sleeping a solo activity. Also, avoid naps in public places.. Or your private parts might pop out in public. Yikes..
Struggle #2: uncontrollable nonejaculatory orgasms
I’ve heard several stories of retainers struggling to achieve nonejaculatory orgasms in bed. Yet, somehow I was doing this accidentally in public.
No further comments on this one..
Struggle #3: the consistent desire to cave.
After a few weeks of sexual inactivity, my partner pleaded for sex. Somehow, I denied her.
And unfortunately, torture was to follow. Pre-bedtime twerking, walking around nude, and nude bodyweight squats in the bedroom.. (which probably contributed to the mid-sleep masturbation madness)
To say that retaining was challenging was an understatement. It was an around-the-clock, strenuous, and incredibly laborious activity;
fighting steroid-like urges with my back against the ropes and barely rebelling against the constant desire to release.
And on day 50.. Boom.. streak over.
Which brings me to the hardest struggle.. But an important one..
Struggle #4: Relapse regrets.
Immediately after pumping out two consecutive releases, I realized what I’d done. Everything felt different.
Completely different..
Waves of intense, pulsating energy escaped the interior of my torso immediately following ejaculation. My upper body was one of fragility and instant absence of force..
In one moment of weakness, random-day hocus-pocus sent 50 days of seed pouring down the drain.

• Goodbye energy
• Goodbye force
• Goodbye strength

The Testimony
There were many noticeable benefits during this time.
One in particular was:
A surge in relationship quality
Despite the inconvenient madness concerning my mid-sleep masturbations, we got along significantly better; keeping arguments to a minimum, sharing more laughs, and spending meaningful time together.
Perhaps it wasn’t the peak, but it was one of our relationship heights. Much of this was the result of having more energy to pour into the relationship.
Which brings me to:
The Energy Energetic Surplus
There are conflicting opinions regarding energy for retaining men. Specifically comparing sexually active and inactive retainers.
Here’s my personal observation from living both lives.
While nonejaculatory sex provided a quick burst of energy, this 50-day sexless season flooded me with energy by the minute.
Living in a constant state of lustful thinking fatigues the brain and (in most cases) keeps energy stagnant, sitting in the lower parts of the body.
Sense of fulfillment
Like most, I struggled with excessive fapping for years; barely able to function without bursting the piñata.
Now, I was officially a proud man. A grateful man. Not quite Jesus of Nazareth but
50 days of retaining was my walking on water moment.
Exposed my flawed filtration process
Previously, quality of physical attributes played an overwhelming role in my selection of women.
Although attractive physical attributes need not be avoided, exclusively focusing on looks is the lingo of lust; which is why many men are unlucky daters.. Settling for a hoe while wanting a needle in a haystack.
Disclaimer: No.. I’m not calling the wifey a whore.. but only offering a weekend warning: a worldly filtration process has subjected many to wicked games.
Purify the filtration process, minimize the problems.

2. Non-stop sex but a no-nut nation Retentive sex

Some retainers abandon sex..
“Lust is the greatest enemy on earth. It devours a man.” — Adventurous-Cup5561
Other retainers.. Well.. They embody it.
“Removing ejaculation as the end goal with sex has changed it to loving and bonding as the only result with sex, and it’s amazing, for both of us.” -earlymornintony
Currently, I’m single.. Nor am I sexually active, but retaining while having sex was quite the adventure.
Foriegn to heightened sensitivity levels, sex often resulted in accidental release. It took some work.. Lots of work.. for both of us actually.
Sex is a two-player game and getting me to the 21-day mark (while remaining sexually active) became our co-op mission.
She liked it.. She liked the sex.
Preceding retention, I repeatedly struggled with erectile dysfunction. But after a few days of retaining, libido was all go. Which was probably why she was all-in on helping me reach streak goals.
Despite taking multiple breaks during sex sessions, I lasted longer and prioritized my partner’s climatic orgasm; ultimately resisting the body’s urge to ejaculate.
It probably made me seem a little less selfish.
Great.
The elephant in the room
My public erection was often the elephant in the room. It was like a radio antenna, stretching towards the sky, hoping to capture even the fuzziest signal.
However, I didn’t catch signals.. I caught stares.. Even a few cougar glances.
No more gray joggers..
What do other retainers think?
“I’m retaining while in a relationship the best way I can describe it, is, imagine the beginning stages of the relationship where the world feels perfect and the joy and ecstasy of it all. where it feels like a ‘forever honeymoon’ that is EVERY SINGLE DAY in my relationship.
you know that feeling after you cum, where you kinda feel ‘finished with her’, like the desire is all gone? WE NEVER FEEL THAT. WE ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS FEEL THAT DESIRE FOR EACH OTHER. AT ALL TIMES. We literally have sex morning and night nearly every single time we spend the night together.” -Redditor
“We have sex 3–5 times a week. It takes a lot of will power. I slip on occasion for sure. Our sessions are 45–90 min.” — Breeze8B
The most difficult challenge for retainers in relationships is the partner’s rejection of practice.
However, a partner’s rejection can be a reflection of influence effectively.
“I explained to my GF that I can have sex with her at any time but I just don’t want to culminate. She said she didn’t mind and that it was “up to me”. That’s all. It’s not a problem at all if you’re with a partner whom you can trust” — enjoynewlife

Closing

There’s more than one way to do a thing. Do your thing your way.

1. Non-stop sex but a no nut nation Retentive sex

Some retainers abandon sex..

“Lust is the greatest enemy on earth. It devours a man.” — Adventurous-Cup5561
Other retainers.. Well.. They embody it.
“Removing ejaculation as the end goal with sex has changed it to loving and bonding as the only result with sex, and it’s amazing, for both of us.” -earlymornintony

Currently, I’m single.. Nor am I sexually active, but retaining while having sex was quite the adventure.
Foriegn to heightened sensitivity levels, sex often resulted in accidental release. It took some work.. Lots of work.. for both of us actually.
Sex is a two-player game and getting me to the 21-day mark (while remaining sexually active) became our co-op mission.
She liked it.. She liked the sex.
Preceding retention, I repeatedly struggled with erectile dysfunction. But after a few days of retaining, libido was all go. Which was probably why she was all-in on helping me reach streak goals.
Despite taking multiple breaks during sex sessions, I lasted longer and prioritized my partner’s climatic orgasm; ultimately resisting the body’s urge to ejaculate.
It probably made me seem a little less selfish.
Great.
The elephant in the room
My public erection was often the elephant in the room. It was like a radio antenna, stretching towards the sky, hoping to capture even the fuzziest signal.
However, I didn’t catch signals.. I caught stares.. Even a few cougar glances.
No more gray joggers..
What do other retainers think?

“I’m retaining while in a relationship the best way I can describe it, is, imagine the beginning stages of the relationship where the world feels perfect and the joy and ecstasy of it all. where it feels like a ‘forever honeymoon’ that is EVERY SINGLE DAY in my relationship.
you know that feeling after you cum, where you kinda feel ‘finished with her’, like the desire is all gone? WE NEVER FEEL THAT. WE ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS FEEL THAT DESIRE FOR EACH OTHER. AT ALL TIMES. We literally have sex morning and night nearly every single time we spend the night together.” - anonymous Redditor
“We have sex 3–5 times a week. It takes a lot of will power. I slip on occasion for sure. Our sessions are 45–90 min.” — Breeze8B

The most difficult challenge for retainers in relationships is the partner’s rejection of practice.
However, a partner’s rejection can be a reflection of influence effectively.

“I explained to my GF that I can have sex with her at any time but I just don’t want to culminate. She said she didn’t mind and that it was “up to me”. That’s all. It’s not a problem at all if you’re with a partner whom you can trust” — enjoynewlife

Closing

There’s more than one way to do a thing. Do your thing your way.

So we matched on bumble we have been talking and meeting for around a month this is the second time she sent me kinda in a teasing way not revealing her tits but her body , first time I appreciated her body example saying "damn fucking hot" , this time should I send her one back, or just again compliment her ??
Context she is the first women who sent me her nudes

Hi all, have been thinking about this recently and it’s not quite sticking 100%. I in some way feel like there is something to give up. Not from porn. But other things like looking at women online, their nudes etc. Part of me feels as if I am giving this up. At the end of the day it’s pixels on a screen and it’s not natural to masturbate to them, as opposed to being intimate in real life, but something isn’t quite sticking. I feel like I do genuinely enjoy seeing these naked women and their bodies.
Thanks all, and sorry for the weird post 😂

In whole my life I been not able to talk too girls unless they allready showed me there nudes and I knew she wanted me before meeting physically. Its been 8months at the job im working now . and since day one in struggling to talk to this cutie . And I know she wants me to keep trying to talk to her cause she sometimes tries herself.
We both suck at it , I don't know if she has a boyfriend or not . She is on vacation for the next 2 weeks . But based on what other people at work say about her she probably doesn't
I'm feeling better with not fapping . But I still am not able to try to start a conversation with her. She isn't shy when someone else starts a conversation. But she is with starting one.
Will staying on track help me get over this fear? I am also in therapy cause of trauma's thanks to bullying and possible autism.
Im afraid she has someone and I will have to face another rejection .but even then I still need to get over this fear so she won't be the only person I am not able to talk too at work.
My urges peak after seeing her . She doesn't even dress really feminin . Just jeans and a normal shirt. I Neef to get over this fear of talking to women I find attractive.
Please tell me (without lying) this noFap thing will help me talk to her .if she ain't taken I think I have a shot she looks at me sometimes even when I am not looking at her. Im about to be 30 this year and she is going to be 31 next week I need to get the courage to talk with her even if it means I have to take another hit to my self Esteem

So basically long story short I was in a relationship w a guy when I was 18 and he was 32. (I put those ages in instead of our current ages because we have not been in a relationship for many years)
He wanted me to do many things I didn’t want to, including anal and threesomes. The threesomes were the worst, I said a million times I didn’t wanna do them … until I finally said yes. I cried after our first one and he got upset at me for ruining his “threesome virginity.” He told me not to say anything negative, so I learned to lie to him, and eventually I would say that I was happy with the threesomes. (Of course I was not, and after the breakup he got upset at me for lying about it….but he had kind of trained me to lie by telling me not to say anything negative??)
Being an idiot, I cheated on him to get back at him — I slept with one guy (not 12 as he told everyone) and had very short text convos with several others, went on a few dates where no physical contact happened… all told there were 12 guys involved but most of them were literally just two text messages on an app saying “how are you”.
Anyway when he found out about the cheating he was ofc very upset, as cheating is a horrible thing to do to anyone. He was heartbroken. He also beat me very badly with a belt and with his fists (we had had a BDSM relationship so it was consensual) and made me drink his pee, had me sleep covered in pee, took humiliating sexual photos of me to use as potential blackmail later, also wanted me to get tattoos of his name and even suggested a FGM surgery to close up my vag so i could only have anal sex with him from then on, to punish me. (I think he put the S in BDSM). I didn’t do the surgery. But I did—and accepted—everything else as I knew I was horrible for cheating on him and I felt immense amounts of guilt.
Anyway this was many years ago but I had a dream about my ex recently and I talked about it with my therapist.
My therapist disagrees that my ex is lacking of empathy and he says that he may indeed feel remorse. I never saw any evidence of this. After I cheated on him I felt so much remorse I tried to end my life, but I truly don’t think my ex ever felt remorse for pushing me into threesomes, let alone for all the punishments he did to me after he found out about the cheating.
Shortly after the breakup I found a text written by him on a random forum, which he didn’t know I could see. He is lying in the text or maybe just remembered wrongly because of all the trauma I caused him - for example, I didn’t cheat “since the beginning.”
(I think he is referring to the time I slept with 2 guys over the course of the summer before we became exclusive. and he did the exact same thing— he slept with two girls, also separately, over the course of the same summer. The only difference is, he told me when I asked later, and when he asked me if I’d been with anyone else, I lied. Of course lying is very bad but does it make what I did cheating in retrospect? My ex seems to think it does).
Also, I didn’t go to sleep with the guy the day after I said goodbye to my ex at the airport — I had done that a few weeks before we even went on that trip, and then I self harmed immediately after cheating, but anyway, besides those details I think my ex’s devastation comes across clear in that text. He was CLEARLY shaken and hurt by how I lied to him and betrayed him. I was always his “perfect object and slave” and he trusted me and then I blew that open.
Here is the text post -
”How can you get trust in anyone else after finding out that the person you trusted the most has been cheating since the beggining of the relationship? I want advise on how to trust people in general, even after dumping the cheater i feel my general world has been shattered. The woman who cheated on me was crying a river when i was leaving her at the airport, saying i was the most important thing in her life. And then going to sleep with someone else the next day. A constant pattern for about a year, with many different men. How to get over that and trust someone else? Everything feels numb now and i do not trust women's words, tears, or intentions anymore. And i live in constant fear of falling into the same situation again.”
My therapist said that in that text, my ex is taking responsibility for his part in the relationship. Because he’s taking responsibility for having trusted me. And, because of this, it’s not a strong leap to assume that he may indeed be capable of remorse and of regretting the things he did to me.
BUT. I doubt he is. Because, 6 years after we broke up, we did have a video call (which he threatened me into by threatening to release my nudes) and I asked him if he remembered the violent beatings and what he did to punish me after I cheated. He had no memory of it.
None. No memory of it at all.
So I disagree with my therapist. I don’t think that text shows ANY evidence of a capability of remorse or “taking responsibility.” To me — and of course I am very biased — it seems like he’s making himself the complete victim in that text. There’s no “oh but I also made her do these threesomes which I knew she hated” or anything. I don’t see someone who is capable of remorse or reflection, in that text. I see someone who is immensely hurt (understandably so!) and thinks he is the ultimate victim.
Please please tell me if I’m wrong. I don’t mind being told that. I just struggle to understand.
My second question is, I wonder if his new pattern of going after young girls (he seems to seek out 17-20 year olds now; he is in his forties) is actually a trauma response to what I did to him. You know how you can subconsciously recreate a traumatic experience and try to do it over again in an attempt to heal a damage that was done in early childhood? (Learned this from Dr Ramani)
Well, what if his pattern of going after young girls (who look like I did then and have similar patterns like eating disorders, etc) is actually a trauma response where he’s trying to “do over” our relationship but get it right this time?
TL;DR My therapist thinks that my ex is capable of remorse, based on a post where he’s talking about how much I hurt him, and I disagree. But I also wonder if his current behavior is a trauma response to what I did.

I read some posts here where the disordered partner accuses the other person of cheating and it makes me think of my situation, and worry if Im in the wrong.
Reasons I feel certain he has kept big things from me; when he met me he told me about his sexual past and relationships he had. He told me not to get into a relationship with him because he cheats on his partners (I truly dont know why I kept seeing him after that, must have been out of my mind). After him and I were intimate he told me he was a virgin and never had been in a relationship. I didnt like that he lied but forgave because I thought he was insecure about being a virgin. We then became a couple. Later in the relationship I found out he had made up entire stories in detail about past relationships that he had told his closests friends. I still dont know which parts is the truth, its all just too strange.
In the beginning he told me about his views of equality which was important to me. He told me he never bought sexual favors from women which was a dealbreaker to me. 3 years later I found his emails to male and female escorts (he still says he is straight) where he sat up meetings with them and gave them his phonenumber. He shared nudes of himself he also sent to me, and told them what he wanted to do with them. In the emails he also lied about what he did for a living. When I confronted him he told me he never met any of them. Later he told me he had written with escorts since he was a teenager, men and women but never met him. Once he got angry and told me I am stupid if I think my other exes havent gone to hookers (which Ive realized now sounds like he actually admitted to it?)
He keeps me a secret to people, he never picks up his phone when Im there. He lies about where he is. Im constantly catching him in small lies that he will deny even though it doesnt make any sense because I know. He have long periods of time where I dont see him, or hear from him. He stops calling me loving nicknames and instead my name that he only do when he is angry. He says he is busy or not feeling well.
Ive told him I dont believe that he hasnt been going to the escorts and I dont believe he isnt searching for other things when he fades out on me. Because I really really dont. Ive tried to for years and ignored my internal system screaming to me that Im being betrayed. I havent been able to ignore it anymore and Ive stood ground on it, and told him we cant move in any direction if he doesn't tell me the truth - he says I know everything. The relationship is going to end because of this, and because he says its all in my head I question if Im ruining something because Im paranoid. (I havent seen him in a month because again he has been too busy so I guess we are not together, that also makes me feel so much mistrust to live in this constant confusion). But at the same time I feel completely stupid, that I ever believed anything he ever told me because the things I know happend are insane.

My partner (M23) and I (F22) have been together for over 3 years. Throughout the relationship I knew he had onlyfans and paying for regular subscriptions.
We have now lived together for almost a year now and we have a beautiful 9 month old son. Now I don’t mind him watching porn and what I thought he was paying little amounts here and there but sometimes they go up to $40AUD each!
I’ve expressed to him how it makes me feel but he insisted that the type of porn he likes you cannot get it for free (bbw, ssbbw etc) and that they don’t mean anything and it’s all fantasy. He also pointed out that I don’t really send much nudes to him.
Now I’ve not seen my partner for the past week to house sitting for my mum. I brought a lamp that changes colour so I could take pictures/videos for him and what he has told me he likes. I’ve just gotten back home today to finding out that he has paid way over $100AUD on onlyfans and says that my photos/videos aren’t what he wants or shows much…. I will mention I am a bigger women and not that confident in my body so doing those photos for him was a big step out of my comfort zone and he knows that.
I’m just so exhausted, I acknowledge and act on something he expresses to me but it’s not enough yet he disregards my feelings about the onlyfans.

im at a loss, i can't even comprehend like how i feel about this whole thing i just feel uneasy and need a place to rant. i apologise if this isn't the best place to do so but i'm just at a loss on what to do now.
a little background info, we've been together for almost a year (we've slept together many times before dating, and we are each other's first time). he's honestly the most sweetest bf ever, he says and shows that he loves me, reassures me every day, never laid hands or hurt me in anyway and just generally makes me feel so safe. i just never expected him to do this which is why im so confused and in a way i feel betrayed.
i trust him enough to not feel the need check his phone, but our 1 year anniversary is coming up and the gift i had in mind involved finding some pictures from a specific date that he might've had on his phone. he consented in giving me his phone while he was at work, and i feel so bad about 'invading' his privacy but i was curious on his hidden photos album considering i never really went on his phone (he tells me that he keeps my nudes on there, and i was just curious on whether that was the case). and so i clicked on it and all i found were multiple videos of him secretly recording us having sexual intercourse. videos of him literally setting up his phone in a hidden spot in the room when i wasn't aware in order to record us. these videos dated back to the early stages of our relationship which was about a year ago with the most recent one being from this monday and i'm only just finding out about it now. i'm just so upset because he has never once told me and i don't think he plans to either. he tells me that he only wants me all the time, but also in that folder were pics/videos of specific onlyfans girls. now this wouldnt be such a huge deal if it were just that, but i do remember explicitly saying i wasn't comfortable with him masturbating to other women let alone to multiple saved videos of them. and his response to that was that he only finds me attractive and wouldn't do such a thing. but if i were to have specific guys in my albums that i find 'hot', he wouldnt approve and tell me to 'find someone better', or leave him for someone who's 'better looking.' i understand he might suffer from low self esteem and have jealousy issues, but he has this tendency where if i were to watch, for example, a tiktok video of a relatively attractive guy, he would insist that i leave him for this other guy thats 'more attractive'. it just feels like such a double standard that i didn't expect to feel. but thats not the major problem here, its the fact that he intentionally set up his phone to record us having sex, on many occasions. it just hurts so bad because i never expected this from him. and right now i feel like im overreacting because we've been in a relatively healthy relationship for the past year. i dont know what to do, i feel like i havent fully processed my emotions. i want to scream and confront him but the same time i feel like i cant. i feel so trapped
early on in the relationship i told him about this 'fear' that i have (being that i constantly feel like im being recorded when alone) and i dont know if that contributed to him doing this or not? im at a loss beacuse he seems like such a sweet and genuine person, he always reassures me and tells me that he would never do anything that i wouldnt want but then proceeds to secretly film me in such a vulnerable state on many occasions. its just causing so many doubts and questions i never thought i would have about our relationship. im starting to question like, is he over-reassuring me to the point that i feel at complete ease so he could take advantage of that and do this sort of thing? all this anxiety about this situation is just eating me alive and i dont even want to imagine having to confront him about this. im scared that something might change between us and i dont want our relationship to fall apart. i know what he did is wrong and the best thing to do is talk about it but i feel so betrayed and what if im just a toy to him, i can't bear the truth if he really is just using me. id rather just swallow this up and never mention it. im so scared i don't know what else he's capable of. i never once thought that he would do something like this, he's always fond on the 'no secrets' rule we have and i trust him with all my heart, but after this i just feel so uneasy.
i am so sorry if this didnt make much sense or if i didnt add enough background info. please feel free to ask. i would really appreciate any kind of advice on what to do, or just any words that may help ease this tension i feel. thank you for reading

Hey. Just finished an 8 day trip to phuket and phi phi. This subreddit was extremely helpful in finding hotels, food and things to do so I thought id write a short summary of where we stayed and expenditure. We were 3 guys on this trip.
Flight tickets from India - both ways- Rs 37000 (15k Baht)
3 sim cards for 10 days validity and 15 GB data - 900 baht. (best decision we made)
1) Patong - The Kris 2Bedroom 2 bathroom Apartment. - Beautiful service apartment with a small balcony, Kitchen, fridge, TV, fully air-conditioned and a very spacious, clean bathroom with geyser. The house has everything you need to cook and clean, all toiletries and even a welcome basket with tea coffee sweets, water, jam butter and sauces. 5-10 min cab ride to jungceylon or Bangla road. Walking is an option but we were 3 and didn't mind spending that money because it was quite humid, not so bad temperature wise though. Cost per night - 1700 baht
(Bonus - There was a sacred heart catholic church near our apartment and Sunday mass there was a very beautiful experience. If you're a believer even though on holiday I would recommend the English mass at 4pm on Sunday)
2) Dee Dee Sea front, phiphi - Taking into consideration the noise of the party hostels we booked this hostel as the reviews were good. Have to say it lived up to the hype. Extremely clean 4 bunk + attached 1 bathroom. Tea coffee biscuits water offered in the common area. Courteous staff and everything you need within 5 mins walking distance. The common area is just overlooking the water which comes right upto the edge of the hotel which makes for beautiful place to sit and relax. Noise wasn't much just the faint booming of the speakers but not an issue. All in all a wonderful experience staying there. 15 mins walk from the pier. Cost - 400 baht/night
3) Baan Malee - Old Town Phuket 2 service apartments with attached bathroom and a common kitchen area. Very clean, spacious and fully air-conditioned. Walking distance from Walking street market. 10 mins away from chillva market by car. And walking distance from the famous local restaurants in the area. Cost per night - 650 baht for 1 night per apartment.
All 3 places we stayed had very courteous owners and staff and would definitely reccomend it for anyone coming to these places.
Total expenditure for hotels - Rs 10,500 ( 4000 baht/person)
Activities
ATV experience at Big Buddha ATV adventure was great. Family owned business with such a sweet family running it. The instructors are great and very patient. It's a bit scary at first but completely worth it for the experience. Cost - 1500 baht/person
Island Hopping with snorkeling - half day -600 baht Another great experience, would definitely recommend wearing the life jacket because the currents were a little strong and despite knowing how to swim it was a little daunting trying to enjoy the corals and fish with the fear of drowning. More importantly you get to meet different people during the boat ride which is great.
Phiphi - Reggae Boxing bar - Must watch while in phiphi. Just buy a beer and sit and watch tourists and professionals fight each other. Phi phi - Garlic 1992 - Small place but great Thai food. Phi phi - Carlitos - small restaurant and bar overlooking the water. Live music with such a great vibe, he let us get on stage and sing with him and played only crowd suggestions. The bag packer bars are the best place to meet people, have drinks and start off the night.
Bangla road Honestly you hear about the gogo bars and the ping pong shows alot but this road really had my heart. It's just so full of life and fun. There was a live music bar by the name of Red Hot that was just so so good. The band is amazing and really get the crowd involved. Always full and always has everyone singing and dancing along.
The side alley with the small food street was also just great. The red curry from 2 stalls before the weed shop was the best dish I've had in Thailand. So spicy and flavourful.
Just sit at any bar and have a drink and watch all the activity around. I didn't find any one too upsetting. Ofcourse they do try and call you into their establishments but Thai people are just so sweet, kind and gracious you just say no thank you smile and move on.
Old town - just a plethora of amazing food and night markets. The walking street night market on Sunday was massive and very interesting. Food options were amazing. Everything is so delicious and well done.
By far the best night market we went to was the chillva night market. It's full of great quality clothes at great prices. We bargained upto around +/- 50 baht but it wasn't even required because their prices were pretty reasonable and we didn't find the need to bargain too much. The food and live music at the market was also awesome.
Won't bulk this review up with restaurant recommendations but anything you try here will be packed with flavour and spice. You just can't go wrong with Thai food. I have a very sensitive tummy despite being from India but I never had any issues with any of the food and drinks.
I know there are probably a million things we didn't do but this holiday was very relaxing we woke up by early afternoon and did everything at our own pace and ticked all the experiences we set out to have.
If you do want to rent a scooter it would be the most convenient. We didn't because we would be drinking and also literally everyday we would see a police check point near our hotel stopping all foreigners and checking them and we didn't have an IDL so didn't risk it.
Being Indian I know most of you would be expecting a part for the sex tourism but to be honest we went to a few go go bars and stuff but it just seemed like I was in a movie. The women are way too attractive and sweet I just ended up feeling a bit awkward and out of place. Also I hope I don't sound like a prude but seeing so much nudity and promiscuity just kind of desensitized me to it so we didn't end up enjoying that very small insignificant bit of phuket but there was so much more to experience it hardly mattered. Seeing some of the girls clearly unhappy and borderline disgusted with some of the men who were taking them home made me feel quite ashamed of myself for having entertained the thought before the trip so we didn't partake in that aspect but to each their own I'm sure you'll find other threads with more information. Thai massages were good but I just recently recovered from a back issue so being bent and cracked like a glow stick wasnt the greatest feeling but I still felt relaxed at the end of it.
Group expenditure for taxis, ferry to and back from phi phi, beers, weed, vape, nicotine, food, water, coffee, 7/11 and some other tourist attractions was around 10,000 baht.
Personal expenditure and for clothes and gifts for people back home was around 10,000 to 15,000 baht but variable according to need.
Entire trip - Rs 1-1.25 lakh (40,000-50,000 Baht)
Thai local are the sweetest, courteous and kindest people I've ever met. The roads are amazing, places are clean and everyone is very accommodating. I've never heard and said so many thank yous in my life. I have a lot of hard work left in this year with some major exams and personal goals coming up but I really have a special place in my heart for this country and I will be back soon hopefully. Just a wholesome experience and I'm going home with a very full heart.

Im just stunned. I dont know my FIL for very long and have never had anyone in my family/friends circle behave like this so unsure what to make of it or how to approach it.
My husband found out that for the past year or so FIL has been paying 3 women in Philippines 2000, sometimes 3000 USD per month. FIL is not bad off - he inherited a nice sum of money from his wife and has a decent pension BUT he is taking care of his older, demented brother who soon will need round-the-clock care - plus he himself is in his 70s, has had multiple strokes and probably will need professional care at one point/living in a home. Given all this, it is terrifying that he is giving away 50%-70% of his monthly income. As I said he does have the money from his wife but it's not a bottomless pit and given that in a few years, we are probably looking at 2 old men in a (somewhat) expensive facility - his spending habits are concerning.
About these women - there is 3 of them so I really don't understand what's going on. Its not a classical romance scam in the sense that he is not in love with them I think. He is also currently having an affair with a married woman in his hometown (she is his age) and they seem to be very close emotionally.
Is he keeping these younger women in his life for sexual purposes? They seem to ask him for money every few days for various "living" expenses, a la washing machine broke, rent, kid needs new shoes etc. He sometimes asks for nudes or they offer to send pictures of their butts. They tell him they love him so much and he is the most intelligent, kindest man they have ever met etc. He doesn't respond with same but does share intimate details of his life sometimes, including VIDEOS and PICTURES of our 16-month-old son - how uncomfortable I should be with this (I am obviously but I would like to have someone weigh in on if there are actual irl risks of this for my son).
His FB profile/posts are riddled with scammer comments so he is clearly on some sort of a list I think.
Im worried and bothered by his behavior - is this a sex addiction? Is he being scammed? Is it dementia onset?