This is a mess of asking for help and how it has affected me mentally. What are all available treatments for male lichen? I live in a country where theres no info about male lichen sclerosus. The company’s only do prp injections for women. I’m trying to find more information about all possible treatments. Oral medication, surgery’s, ointments, vitamins or diets. It is killing my mental so much. I’ve had a feeling about this and no one believed in me. Kept asking docs for more tests. None of them believed and said its fungal or bacterial for months until I managed to get biopsy in private clinic. What comes now to things like family, sex and possible complications? Currently I’m only getting pain in my foreskin and itchiness around urethra. My fenerulum keeps breaking. I have a girlfriend and we where planning a future but now I feel so lost. She is a very beautiful girl, always so nice and funny and she is really healthy. I struggle to see why would she keep dating me or not just find someone else. Why she should put up with possible future with no sex when she can have a normal life without me. I feel like im holding her from a normal and peaceful life. She doesn’t want to break up but what if she will in the future? Should I just end things now so it doesn’t hurt later?

Some context:
I've been broken up with my ex for a year and I'm thankfully dating someone else and I've made sure she can't access my life anymore, but when she broke up with me I was healthily moving on and she still wanted to stay in contact which I respected but told her that we needed to mourn the relationship. Fast forward a month later we meet up, she is angry that I made new social medias after she told me to delete them, angry that I'm working to move on, and told me she broke up with me so I would win her back, during that time I journaled reconnected with friends and all the things to become whole without her. She manipulated me into being "open" with her while I was only sexually active with her she was having sex with other men (she viewed me talking to women on social media as being open) Afterwards she breaks up with me permanently and that broke up stuck and I thought "Why didn't she just stay broken up with me"
Later on mutual friends tell me that she is saying "I'm crazy and blowing up her phone", she would text herself and say it's me and show it on social media but people knew it wasn't me since I have an android and she had an iPhone, she's saying that I'm showing up to her work and giving her gifts to "win her back" when all this happened months before we broke up and she works her way into my friend groups and turns them against me.
Fast forward to today: I'm at a better job, I have a new partner who is more supportive and ambitious, and I found out who's really for me. So to those who have an ex who wants to make their life hell. Trust me, it gets better. Stick to your principles, don't go after revenge, let your success be your revenge, and don't neglect your mental health: Journaling, therapy, and good confidantes go a long way

PS: This is a very long post, so I don't expect everyone to read it, but I am very grateful to this community existing as it is nice to be able to ramble out my thoughts.
So in short, I possess the following characteristics...
1) Desire for a career in environmental science research/sustainability.
2) Female and non binary.
3) Attacted to predominantly women, especially older women.
4) Attracted to intellectual people with similar interests, especially professors and those that I see as a possible source of guidence and support with my career path.
5) Feederism fetish (sexual arousal by the idea of myself or others gaining weight).
Growing up, my parents (my mom especially) have critiqued any expressions of expressing slightly masculine. Even wanting trousers for secondary school as opposed to a skirt seemed like too much to ask.
I was quite passive as a child as I had no other source of support and didn't know how to stand up to my parents, and couldn't really.
Then I progress onto college (16/17 years old) and see people such as my college teachers who are intelligent and appear to be kind people and I want to get to know them more. I never did anything but couldn't reach out afterwards as my favourite teacher very unfortunately died from a cancer.
I wish I spoke to my college teacher about my career earlier as I have had a lot of difficulty in this area and careers advisors often don't have the expertise about science to be able to help. I feel she already liked me and she even asked me what type of career I was interested in but I feel too afraid to initiate proper conversations with her because I felt so attracted to her. She seemed quite professional so I don't think she felt that way back, I think she was just being a nice person, she was nice to almost everyone. She was a beautiful person really.
I'm currently halfway through a degree at university but my desires to connect with those further along my career path of interest are still there. I still feel like I defintely need a source of mentorship and support. The biggest problem is how this attraction gets in the way of interacting with teachers and professors properly, so for it to work I think I'm going to need to need to find someone who I am able to have a more personal/romantic/platonic relationship with so my feelings are not something I have to feel worried about or that I have to repress.
Of course I understand where people are coming from when they say this type of thing is problematic, but it's really not a black and white situation. There are various problematic factors that can indeed be reduced when seeking this type of relationship. One of the things I aim to do is to meet academic people outside of my university through conference events or workshops. This way, they're not directly responsible for any of my academic progress. I recently went to a conference event just to listen to the talks and I enjoyed it, I didn't try to initiate anything though. Soon, I'm going to go to an ecology workshop lead by a professor from another univeristy. I'm not going to have any expectations but due to their research interests, this could be a really good person to talk to in a more relaxed manner. This drastically reduces conflict of interest making it a better choice.
I think part the reason this is also important to me is because it's not easy to pursue science when my family are mostly climate deniers and anti vax. My family put me down, my family point out every opportunity where I could fail, my family don't see my true potential as a person. I deserve better. I feel like the idea of knowing someone older in that career path is a lot more reassuring than just knowing some supportive peers my own age.
I am starting to become more and more annoyed with the world around me and the lack of support to the point where I really think I have to just listen to my inner self.
People can be wrong.
It makes me annoyed that everyone around discouraged me from dating someone older for so long.
I believe that I am capable of seeking relationships that are beneficial to me and avoiding those that scream out red flags. It's infantialising to assume that I can't. In addition, my parents have caused way more harm to me than the relationships I pursue are ever likely to, yet people will stand up for my parents even though it is very harmful to me.
I have been in a open/polyamourus relationship with a beautiful and intelligent woman in their 40s (I'm early 20s) for about a year and a half now. My desire to seek out older women was originally due to a feeling a shame for daydreaming about one of my professors and doing nothing about it. I still daydream about that professor, but at least I have a wonderful relationship now!
I was lucky to meet this person as I do understand there are some less desirable people out there, but that goes for all age groups. Again, this is something that should be taken on a case by case basis. I feel this relationship with her has really benifitted me. I feel like I can be myself. She doesn't have science degrees but she is extrodinarily intelligent and has experience in a vatiety of different job sectors (music, marketing, website design/optimisation, car manufacturing/wielding). In conversations with her, it is impressive how she has such a good grasp over how science works, and as someone with a more formal education, the things she's saying about some of her interests in these science areas really do seem to check out.
I love how she's not a normal person. She has had a lot of success in music in the past (not going to say exact role as might give too much info away). She often has ambitious projects she tries to do. Not all work out, but I really do love that she desires to do something great with her time here. She welded a whole car chassis in the her living room once for example haha. Her aim was to create the whole car (an expensive car and sell it for money) but this fell through due to various factors to do with the weilding shop she planned on using further down the line, however the chassis itself is still worth a bit of money.
So yeah, in short, fuck people who still want to look down upon my choices. I am happy with this relationship. I hate the fact people don't just accept that because it's not a typical relationship.
She isn't into feederism herself but she is very open minded to these things and it is something that was accepted about me very early on. She often pretends to engage in the fetish to try and turn me on but I see straight through it haha. This is something I am happy to pursue elsewhere, with somone who enjoys it more, and in moderation, but its still nice to feel accepted in so many ways.
In this jumble on words, I have probably touched upon all the characteristics first listed. The most important one right now is finding older academic mentor, who I can talk with on a more personal level. I wish I could remove the barriers of shame around this but I have little faith I'm going to get that from the internet, so it's probably something I'll have to trust myself on.

Hello, I have struggled with retroactive jealousy in the past— but I think what I’m experiencing is a little different.
I was with the same woman for 10 years, and due to my age it was basically all of my youth. I never had a slutty phase or anything and I’ve only been with a handful of women because of this.
I met my current gf on a dating app, and I love her to death. I have no doubt I want to spend my life with this person. That being said, she has had an extensive sexual history. It’s not the most I’ve ever heard, but it’s up there.
I don’t really care what she did for moral reasons or anything. Sometimes I feel a pang of jealousy but I don’t think it’s because of what she did, I think it’s because of what I didn’t get to do.
I feel it bursting out of me that I wish I’d been with more women, at least a little bit closer to her number. I know it doesn’t matter but it feels important to me. I want to be with this woman forever, but I don’t want to die not being able to have my own promiscuous phase in life. I want to have these stories and these experiences and I really don’t want to be old one day and regret not doing it. It’s not even that I’m not sexually satisfied— I am. Our sex life is healthy, we have a lot of sex and we are kinky and desire eachother and like exploring new things. The best I can describe is that it feels like something I have to do, like it’s going to burst out of me or something.
She’s mentioned non monogamy before and I’m debating bringing it up. She’s said things like “you can fuck whoever you want— just make sure you tell me first!” And stuff like that. I have this feeling that if I bring it up it could still hurt her even though she has this outlook. It feels like something I’ll have to do eventually. If I keep feeling this way. What do you guys think?

I have been in NC for a month now. I didn't give in to the hoovering, so it was difficult, it still is because unlike most people I didn't get a taste of what it feels like to go back! Do they really change? However, the gaslighting, the manipulation, silent treatment were all very depressing. I am sure a lot of information is already known but sharing it in case, it might help others.
1) Most people in Narc relationships have grown up with drama and that's exactly what they get when they get into a relationship with the Narc. So make your life ordinary. Have a proper routine. I mentioned to her how I never craved for outside food too much but I suddenly am and she said she has seen this a lot. Once people get out of these relationships, they do weird things to get their need for drama met. Example- I loved reading celeb gossip on Reddit but when I got into a relationship with the Narc, I stopped and I realised I suddenly started again. So outside food and Reddit gossip became my source of drama. And thing about drama..:The good and bad are both addicting. She said don't stop, but just be aware if you are doing it out of a craving for drama or just for fun… But having these little sources of drama is definitely better than being with a Narc.
2) They do withhold sex. I remember every time I initiated it, he wouldn't give in but when he wanted it, the story was different. Sex is the highest form of emotional intimacy and they ain’t giving it to us when we want it and even when they want it, it’s not coming from a place of emotional need, its an ego boost. I have been with both covert and overt. What I realised the Overt needed it very much and was open about it whereas the Covert had a low libido or he knew that it was something I needed more than he did so withhold it. Maybe I am generalizing but that's just my experience.
3) Feel WHOLE- I always felt feeling whole means not needing anyone but in reality it means, having all the qualities we admire in others so we don't cling to them when we someone with those qualities. Basically, self-sufficient not just moving monetarily Example- I lack confidence and my NARC would say, ‘I have a God complex…’ For me, that wasn't a red flag but it was OMG, he is so confident… I wish I was that. Hope that makes sense.
4) The thought of meeting them should be out of your head. According to her a lot of people feel like meeting their NARC once they are aware and feel they have healed. But the body keeps the score and the trauma bond gets activated when you see them and all the theory will go into the drain. So till you reach a point of complete indifference, don't even think of going back or hoping you bump into them so you can show them their place.

1. Drop the self-blame. You knew from the start that this person is not right but cognitive dissonance is legit. You got so spiralled that you gave in.
2. NARCS go for confident and happy folks. So you were never stupid, they made you believe you were. Go back to your confident self.
3. Do cord-cutting exercises. Their energy is intense and it stays. Also, according to her, they can feel your energy when you think of them. Idk how but just sharing what I was told. So you want to spend an ounce of your precious God-gifted energy on vile creatures like them.
4. It couldn't have ended any differently if you did something else. Your behaviour would have never changed them. They would still be the same. Things would have ended exactly this way.
5. Keep reminding yourself that you need to go from survivor to thriver. You deserve it, your inner child deserves it and higher-self Is calling you towards it.
6. It’s okay, if you feel cut off from the world. That’s your survior instinct. Do what feels right.
7. Your body will need a lot of rest. The body needs to recover first only then only then the recovery becomes evident.
8. Forgive yourself and the abuser at your own pace. Don't rush it, let it come naturally and it will.
9. Ask yourself everyday, ‘am I ready to respect myself?’
10. Once the intense grieving phase ends, indulge in some activity like running/ gymming/ dancing
11. There is a difference between compassion and idiot compassion. Your vulnerability, empathy, and sensitivity need to be respected by you first. So don't feel any of these good things towards that person.
12. Distraction bag- physical and emotional vulnerability is when your cravings for love come in. For women, it happens the most when they are on their period. So prepare yourself that you will crave love and because your trauma bond with the Narc was so strong, you will crave that person. Also, those feelings are irrational and you can’t deal with them logically. Your bag of distraction could be anything from colouring books to doing your make-up/ oiling your haitalking to a friend/cooking. During this phase, remember the love wasn’t real, it was a facade to keep you hooked. And luckily, cravings have a short life span.
13. See how your body reacts. I literally had anxiety on my first date. My therapist was with a Narc many years ago and she literally had skin allergies. But once she left, the allergies were gone.
14. It wasn't a normal relationship, so keep in mind all the bad things and not the good things. You need to keep a list for your sanity.
15. The Hoovering is not love. In my case, I left the Narc, and because it wasn't a part of his script, he will hoover. So he can give me all that I want and then leave…because that’s what will keep his ego in check.
16. The Trauma bond will make you feel that you can't have this with anybody else and THANK GOD, YOU CAN’T because you shouldn't have it.
17. Radical acceptance is the only way. More than accepting that OMG they were a NARC. Accept that you deserved better.
18. It will take time for you to see the light that's at far end of the tunnel but you will see it!

I can't with her anymore.... Ok listening to the most recent few episodes made me want to go back and re listen to the first few episodes cause I was noticing some inconsistencies that were nagging on my brain.. I get to the episode where Bridget is whining about how she feels like she was portrayed as wanting to get the girls drunk to ruin their shoot... Bridget you were portrayed as a jealous woman because that's EXACTLY what you were. You can try and say they "edited" you to look bad but you have to give them material to edit. She wanted Playboy bad and was all too happy to aid in the drinking of a potential playmate cause she is petty. We all have a little petty in us and now she's pissed that she's drawing attention to that behavior and it tarnishes her good girl image. I didn't think less of Bridget watching the episode when it originally aired as a then 25 year old woman. I thought yeah.... I'd probably do the same... Now she's trying to act like the producers and EVERYONE else were out there to make her look bad and that's not how she meant it and blah blah blah. Now I have an issue. You are trying to force a narrative that you were there for all the right reasons and blazey blah... What are the right reasons for dating an 80 year old I'll always wonder but i digress cause I've already rambled and that's not my point... You were there cause you wanted to be in that magazine bad and were obviously willing to do whatever needed to be done to do that. Don't try and pretend it was anything but a petty moment now that people are rewatching. In the Marston episode he mentions a text where you replied "take out the word master". Giiiiiirl. That right there. Petty. Just own it. Ok I feel I have ranted long enough and thank you to anyone who made it this far I hope it makes some sense🤣 I'm just super excited to have people to talk about this with who may possibly see what I've always seen about these women..

I've been reading things on social media about the boys death and custody situation. The father was never involved until March 2024 and the boy is dead in May. He was living with a young woman who had 7 other children and apparently living in squalor, how does this happen? He also allegedly had other run ins with CPS in regards to other women he had dated children. Any insight?

Posted in relationship advice also, but I feel that this sub attracts a more mature/goal oriented set of advice! I love my husband and he is amazing + my best friend. I am looking for proactive tips to help us communicate through this issue.
My (F31) husband (M33) and I disagree on when it is appropriate to share contact info with the opposite sex. When is it appropriate to share contact info?
As the title says, my husband and I have had a long standing issue with making boundaries around exchanging contact info with the opposite sex. I told him I was making this post to get insight from other people since he keeps saying what other men are ok/not ok with.
BACKSTORY (skip if short on time): 1. When we first got together—I mean within the first two weeks of him and I meeting—I went to a work conference and got the number of a male coworker from a different location who was grouped up with our location so we could all go out as a group for dinner that night. We chatted a bit (maybe two weeks) after the conference via text until I noticed the vibes were off and I stopped responding. This was almost seven years ago and my husband still brings this up frequently whenever a new, opposite gender scenario arises.

1. Last year I was outside and noticed my neighbor who we have lived next to for a few years but never talked to was outside. We have noticed before that they are our age but had never talked to them. I was free that day and had a wild hair up my butt so I decided to introduce myself and my husband (he wasn’t there but I told the neighbor about us both). We chatted for a bit and he showed me a project he was working on in his backyard. We talked about similar hobbies and he asked for my number so we could all get together sometime. We exchanged contact info and when I told my husband (I was all excited that I finally talked to the elusive neighbor we always saw but never interacted with) he was furious and said I was extremely disrespectful and no man would be ok with his partner giving their number to a stranger and on the reverse the male neighbor would have known that asking for a married woman’s number was disrespectful. I was baffled because I truly just was excited to finally meet the neighbor and maybe know some people in our neighborhood.

CURRENT SITUATION: I recently picked up a part time job in the outdoor industry for the summer. There was a week of intensive training with all of the new hires (12 hour grueling days of physical activity—“hell week” as they call it). Understandably, all of the trainees got close from this within the week. Being a male dominated industry, there were more men than women in the training group.
One of the men shared a similar hobby as my husband and I (let’s call it “bird watching” for anonymity). Every time it was brought up in conversation, I mentioned my husband, and even throughout the week I brought up my husband in various conversation.
At the end of the training, as we were saying our goodbyes, the bird watcher asked me for my number so him, my husband, and I could go bird watching over the summer together. Remembering that my husband asked me not to give my number to men, I instead asked him for his number and did not give him mine. That evening I came home and excitedly told my husband about meeting another bird watcher and told him that even though he asked for my number I did not give it to him but instead got his number! (I thought this was a win and I did a good job respecting his boundary). He acknowledged it but didn’t say much and the conversation moved on naturally.
The next morning, he brought up me getting the guys number and said it was disrespectful to our relationship and the boundaries he set. He brought up the two aforementioned situations above and again said no man would be ok with their partner exchanging contact info with strangers. He said he doesn’t need me to get friends for him and that I should think it is suspicious the man asked for my number and not the other women in our training group (I don’t know if he did or not) since I was closer in age to this man. I also am above average attractive (I’m not trying to be conceited I’m just trying to include the facts). My husband frequently points out that men will treat me differently because of this and i need to be aware of that (I can’t help genetics, though, and sometimes feel like I now have an extra burden on my shoulders due to being conventionally attractive)
I am extremely outgoing and my partner is not. To me, I am open to hanging out with anyone who wants to hangout! The man was fully aware this would involve my husband and I and we go bird watching almost every weekend so I figured we could just text this guy to meet up with us every now and then.
What do you think Reddit? What are some boundaries you have in your relationship about this? I don’t want to be disrespectful to my husband, but I also feel like he doesn’t trust my discretion.

Some women seem to be able to meet rich guys and have a great life. That's what I want to do. I'm 25 years old, but I look like I'm in high school. How can I get a sugar momma to want to date me? Do you know of any good sugar mommy websites?

My boyfriend told me about his first love. He went into full on details about her. Literally with times and dates. They met when they were kids and were on and off up until high school. They ended bad. The only reason he let her go is because he didn’t think he was good enough for her. He dead ass said she was too smart, funny and beautiful. He says he is completely over her. The only reason he told me was so I could understand why he self sabotages good things for himself. I stupid stupidly felt bad for him and my immediate reaction was to comfort him.
Ever since then I have been in constant comparison. I always ask myself “well would he have reacted this way if it was her” when he gets mad. I check her socials on a daily. I deep dove into the Internet any and everything I can to know about her. It doesn’t help that she looks the exact opposite of me. We are too different types of women. We are completely opposite in both looks and personality. I go on spirals of searching and searching for any and everything. I don’t hate her at all. It’s not at all her fault she is really amazing. It just hurts to know. I’m scared I will never compare to her.
He has said no one ever loved him or shown him love like I do. This to me is really scary because I always wonder if he wishes she had treated him how I treat him.
Fast forward months after he is being weirdly distant and keeps saying I am too good for him. I deserve better but if I were to leave him he can’t live with himself. I’m the only reason he hasn’t gave up in life completely. I’m not sure what this means exactly. Does he want me or does he not? I keep thinking about her.

I (27F) and my bf (28m) have been dating for over a year and live together. We have a beautiful relationship and we are compatible in 99% of things. Our values align, we share a great sense of humor, we care about and love each other so much, it’s obvious in any room we walk in and when we are behind closed doors. We are always challenging each other to be better humans.
The one issue we have is a disagreement on boundaries with opposite sex friends. It’s been an ongoing disagreement and has been the foundation of every single fight and argument we’ve had. We seriously do not fight about anything else.
I have set very clear boundaries with my male friends, mostly indirectly. I don’t speak with them much one on one and i am not closer to them than i am to my female friends. We don’t have inappropriate inside jokes and i never hang out with them one on one and im happy with those boundaries with my friends.
My bf in the other hand has hardly any boundaries with his opposite sex friend and most of his close friends are women. He has several group chats with like 2 other women that are named a bit weird names like “(girl’s name’s) hubbies” - this is a group chat of my bf, a girl he’s friends with since college and pursued for a bit, and another male, gay friend. He is part of 3-4 other groups similar to that with only women though with similar group names.
They have history to speak a lot about sex and the details of dating. Him and i disagree, but imo, there have been some flirty interactions between a couple of them before and after we started dating. History of sending memes about sex to each other. One of the women recently caused a very weird issue on social media (followed, unfollowed me, blocked me and my bf several times, liked and unliked my posts, etc. was just acting very strange mostly towards my social media accounts)
I guess what im trying to figure out is should i feel ok with this? Should I ask him to make boundaries and change these friendships a bit? He always tells me that he doesn’t want to change his friendships and feel like his freedom is being taken away. That’s not what I want though. I just want to feel comfortable in the relationship and not worry about the next inappropriate interaction he has with his female friends or the next time one of them try to initiate an inappropriate interaction with him. He doesn’t agree that is the case. His definition of inappropriate is way different than mine.
I don’t want him to isolate himself. Most of his friends are females. It’s just really beginning to bother me a lot. We’ve almost broken up a couple times over these arguments of boundaries with friends and how it bothers me. I’m scared to bring it up at this point because like i said, the rest of our relationship is so beautiful. Should i suck it up and bottle this up?

So let’s talk about this ideal of dating to marry. The first time I’ve heard it was recently and I’m a little confused.
I’m 39m and I’ve been single in a big liberal city for a few years. I’ve found a lot of success in dating recently and have come across a woman who is dating to marry.
I’m pretty clear on the “exclusive” talks. From my perspective you can see anyone you want until you are “exclusive”.
I wouldn’t even know how to approach the topic of sex if that also had to be a “talk”. It normally just happens without any sort of conversation.
I like sex, a lot. It’s a huge motivator for me to get into a relationship but I am not using women for sex. I only have sex with women I see a potential future with.
I get the idea of dating with intention. Like I’m not just looking for casual hookups. I want a real relationship that CAN lead to marriage. But it doesn’t HAVE to lead to marriage.
I’m also okay to take things slow and date other people. Like some women take weeks before they have sex and for me that would mean masturbation in the shower for me. But I prefer sex with women that can lead into meaningful relationships and if I masturbate I lose my motivation to date so it hurts my chances of getting into a real relationship.
I’ve found that by sleeping with multiple people around the same time frame I’m not applying as much pressure on any one girl. And I’m still dating a lot as opposed to masturbating alone. And I only sleep with someone I can see myself possibly committing to.
Like if I’m dating to marry is that the same thing as an exclusive relationship?
This girl told me she was dating to marry and I reassured her I was too because I don’t consider myself a waste of time like I was in my 20s.
I’m emotionally available, financially and physically fit. Totally ready to start a family. But just because I’m dating to marry doesn’t mean I have to be exclusive right? She didn’t ask me if I’m seeing or sleeping with other people. She just asked me my intentions on our first date.
Like I get that sometimes we just fall into infatuation with our dates and spend tremendous time with them right away. But I normally take things slow. Once a week, seeing multiple people throughout the week. Weighing my options.
Yes I sleep with them. Some people tend to think that because I sleep with multiple people I’m somehow always going to “cheat”. My last relationship was four years, I never cheated.
So you guys and gals see the difference between dating to marry versus exclusive versus casual?
I see dating to marry and dating to get into a serious relationship as the same thing.
Like I can tell a girl I’m dating to marry and also be dating other women at the same time, correct? I see other posts about how sleeping with other people is a deal breaker even though their was no exclusive talk and that is confusing as hell to me.

My boyfriend told me about his first love. He went into full on details about her. Literally with times and dates. They met when they were kids and were on and off up until high school. They ended bad. The only reason he let her go is because he didn’t think he was good enough for her. He dead ass said she was too smart, funny and beautiful. He says he is completely over her. The only reason he told me was so I could understand why he self sabotages good things for himself. I stupid stupidly felt bad for him and my immediate reaction was to comfort him.
Ever since then I have been in constant comparison. I always ask myself “well would he have reacted this way if it was her” when he gets mad. I check her socials on a daily. I deep dove into the Internet any and everything I can to know about her. It doesn’t help that she looks the exact opposite of me. We are too different types of women. We are completely opposite in both looks and personality. I go on spirals of searching and searching for any and everything. I don’t hate her at all. It’s not at all her fault she is really amazing. It just hurts to know everything I do.
He has said no one ever loved him or shown him love like I do. This to me is really scary because I always wonder if he wishes she had treated him how I treat him.
Fast forward months after he is being weirdly distant and keeps saying I am too good for him. I deserve better but if I were to leave him he can’t live with himself. I’m the only reason he hasn’t gave up in life completely. I’m not sure what this means exactly. Does he want me or does he not? I keep thinking about her.

Hinge has positioned itself as a long-term relationship app, so that means your profile needs to convince her you’re true Boyfriend Material!
Sound like a tall order? Don't worry. We use Hinge on a daily basis, and have been since the app launched in 2012. You're about to benefit from our thousands of hours of direct user experience!
You see, we represent our clients on Hinge - optimizing their profiles, selecting their photo lineups, and sending messages on their behalf. We analyze everything, so we know what approaches work, what to avoid, and which strategies attract the best matches.
Thanks to our evidence-based approached, these 7 Hinge profile tips for men will make your profile irresistible! You’ll also get 11 examples of the best Hinge answers.
Let’s start with the main attraction…
Hinge Profile Tip #1: Aim For Perfection With Your Primary Photo
Don’t worry - it’s easier than it sounds! A team of European neuroscientists identified a checklist of what attributes combine to make the most attractive profile picture:
Eye contact is particularly important, as lack of it has a negative effect on her first impression of you. When she can look you straight in the eyes, you seem inherently more trustworthy and genuinely likeable.
That means sunglasses are not ideal for dating photos, and you don’t want to hide your eyes behind your hair or a Snapchat filter either.
Hinge Profile Tip #2: Embrace Quality Control
You know who gets excited about low-quality graphics? No one.
So when choosing your other 5 Hinge photos or videos, make sure they’re all high-quality images. You want your Hinge lineup to look intentional and curated, not like you pulled random images off your Facebook or phone.
Here’s the thing - when looking at images, human brains are wired to prefer simplicity and clarity.
When a picture has a high cognitive workload, it means your brain has to work harder to interpret what’s going on in the frame. The subject matter becomes less attractive the more complex it is.
Simple = attractive.
If your picture is blurry, has harsh highlights and dark shadows, or “artistic” effects that obscure your face, the odds she’s going to “like” or comment on it are drastically reduced - and that means you probably won’t match with her.
While artistic effects that complicate your photos are not good, using a black and white filter can increase the odds you’ll get some “likes” - by 106%. Try applying one to a photo or two in your lineup!
Hinge Profile Tip #3: Put Down The Selfie Stick
Selfies are problematic on Hinge for several reasons:

1. Selfies are a whopping 40% less likely to get “likes.” That number rockets up to 90% if it’s a bathroom selfie. Don’t go there.

2. Selfies are less attractive than non-selfies. A recent study compared two photos - a selfie, and a photo of that same person taken by someone else. The selfie version was perceived as less attractive and more narcissistic. Don’t cultivate that vibe on Hinge!

3. They don’t inspire comments. Which photo do you think will entice more comments and “likes”:

Dalmatians for the win!
Photos where you’re doing something are especially effective on Hinge, as it makes it easy for your match to start a conversation by asking about whatever is going on in the image.
Per their internal data, sports photos are the most popular when it comes to “likes,” and activity photos in general ranked highly.
Coming in dead last were pics where you’re posing with someone who could be an ex. A full 98% of singles said that was a turn off.
Hinge Profile Tip #4: Stay On The Bright Side
Now let’s talk about your profile text. The best Hinge prompts to answer let you highlight on an attractive trait or two in a positive way.
Remember, she’s looking for Boyfriend Material, so why waste space with negativity?
Take, for instance, the “Pet Peeves” prompt. It’s challenging to make your answer sound anything other than whiny, pessimistic, and overly bothered by the minutiae of daily life.
Plus, if it’s a shared pet peeve, chances are she’ll feel a flash of annoyance when she reads it - and guess who she’s going to associate that feeling with? (Spoiler alert: you).
You also want to avoid describing what she may perceive as a negative character trait or flaw:
With over 80 prompts to choose from and only 3 available slots, she’s going to wonder why you took up valuable space with what’s essentially a reason not to “like” you.
To decide which are the best Hinge profile questions for you to answer, take a minute and write down a list of things you bring to the table that you think your ideal woman would be looking for in a guy.
Stable career, physically fit, interesting hobbies, family oriented, able to afford vacations, responsible enough to care for a dog… things of that nature that illustrate why you’d be a particularly good catch.
Then compare that list to the available prompts, and choose the ones that best let you highlight a few of those traits. Simple!
Here are 4 great Hinge profile examples, plus insight into why they work:
If you’re still stuck on what to write in your Hinge profile, try using one of these creative Hinge answers that are general enough to fit anyone:
A blast-from-the-past fashion trend makes for a great conversation starter since most women can relate to it.
While these examples don’t necessarily highlight a desirable personality trait or hobby, they will bring a smile to her face.
Humor is a great strategy in a dating profile, if you can pull it off. Women can’t help but be drawn to funny guys - it’s the way her brain is wired.
Hinge Profile Tip #5: Make One Of The Prompts About Her
Marketing yourself in an appealing, intriguing way is the goal of your Hinge profile.
But including a tidbit about her is an effective strategy.
According to research, 70% of your dating profile should describe you, but 30% of it should describe what type of person you’re looking for. That’s the most attractive combination.
As you’ve already learned, keep your answer positive.
Describing what you don’t want could have the opposite effect, as you may end up sounding picky and judgemental. Or worse, bitter from your last relationship imploding.
Hinge don'ts
Instead, focus on hobbies you’d like to have in common with your perfect match, or attributes that are important to you in a relationship.
Here are 3 great ways to answer the Hinge profile questions:
Describing non-physical attributes implies you're looking for a non-superficial relationship, and mentioning a hobby you'd like to have in common gives her some insight into your personality.
These good prompt answers give her some insight into what dating you might be like, and also imply that keeping in shape is important to you (which is always an attractive quality).
Mentioning a great first date idea in your Hinge answer is a subtle way to make her envision what an hour or two with you might include.
In fact, it’s so effective that according to founder Justin McCleod, answering this prompt got the most dates for users in London:
What works in London will probably work wherever you are as well, making “I know the best spot in town for” one of the best Hinge prompts for guys to answer if it's one of the available options for you.
Hinge Profile Tip #6: Make Every Word Count
The shorter a dating app profile is, the more impact each individual word has. To create the best possible first impression, you want every word in your profile to evoke positive vibes.
Stay away from words that cause a strong negative reaction, like violence, swearing, drugs and weapons. Those can have a ripple effect that will diminish your overall attractiveness.
And since this is Hinge, not Tinder, you’ll definitely want to keep it classy.
don't do this on Hinge
Even if you’re on Hinge just to hook up, don’t advertise your intentions in your profile. And consider switching to another dating app - Hinge really isn’t the app for that.
Here a few more Hinge “Don’ts” to keep in mind:
Repeat yourself. She’s reading a max of 450 characters, which is even less than a Tinder bio. Repetition is really going to stand out. If you talk about how much you love hiking in every Hinge answer, she’s apt to think you’re a one note kind of guy.
Make grammapunctuation/spelling errors. There’s not a lot of written material feeding into that all-important first impression, so little mistakes can have a big effect. Plus, surveyed singles said bad sex was preferable to bad grammar (if they had to choose), so it’s important to get it right.
Give “non” answers. You may think it’s the height of wit to answer Hinge prompts with statements like “I’m looking for… a better answer to this question,” but that’s likely to backfire on you. If she thinks you’re not taking online dating seriously, she probably won’t invest any time in getting to know you.
Reference past relationships. If you’re in your late 20s or 30s, odds are high you’ve got at least one significant relationship in your past. Whether the breakup was good or bad, your Hinge profile is not the place to rehash it.
Hinge Profile Tip #7: Reconsider Your “Dealbreakers”
When you set up your Hinge profile, you have the option to designate match preferences as “dealbreakers.”
That's a great feature for singles seeking long-term relationships, as it eliminates the need to ask those personal questions during the first few dates.
When you specify something as a dealbreaker, you won’t see profiles of people who don’t fit that category, regardless of how many other categories they do fit. (If you don't specify something as a dealbreaker, you may see profiles of singles who fall slightly outside of your ideal preferences.)
Free members have the usual filters like age range, distance and height. If you’re a Hinge+ or HingeX member, you have access to additional filters like children, family plans, education, and politics.
Take a look at any categories you deemed a “Dealbreaker” and make sure they truly are.
For instance, if your match is 5’7” instead of 5’8” or taller, is that truly important in the grand scheme of things? Or if she’s 41 instead of under 40?
If you’re too exclusive with your filtering, you may miss out on a great match you would have really clicked with, despite a small divergence from your “ideal type.”

I’m F19, graduated highschool last year. I can strongly say that I think my height somewhat affected my attractiveness in high school. Not that I care much anymore but back then, it was a huge confidence breaker. Barely anyone in my school showed me any attention, I would get looks every now and then from guys at my school and could tell they were somewhat attracted to me, very few have ever initiated though.
I guess I can also connect this to the fact that I’m a minority (Native American), my school was 99% white. So I think that factor also played a big factor in how people viewed my attractiveness.
I’m not ugly, so it’s not like people didn’t find me attractive because of that. I definitely think my ethnicity was a big reason barely anyone initiated me, and to top it off I’m 5’11 living in a world where short girls dominate everyone’s preferences.
I’ve had very few flirtatious experiences with guys from my school, most of my experiences were from guys from different schools, and still they never went far (Never was too sad about it). I had a short thing with one guy who was from a different school who was 6’5, we never took anything serious because we were young. But I remember he would jokingly tell me that we should get married so we can have NFL/NBA babies, so I think he found my height attractive for that aspect which was nice confidence booster.
I started dating my current bf who also went to a different school when I was 16, he was the first person ever to really put in a true effort with me, and first person I was truly 100% interested in. Mind you he’s a couple inches shorter than me and from what information I had gathered about his ex girlfriends, they were relatively short. For both of this reasons I really surprised that he found me attractive and wanted a relationship. First thing he said when he saw me was “damn you’re tall”. He always tells me that my height is sexy to him and that when his first time seeing me all he could think about was how good I looked wearing my short shorts and how my long legs looked hot in them. He tells me that if we ever broke up he could never go back to short girls lmao. I’m glad I have him as a boyfriend and feel way better about my height now thanks to him.

Internet pills believe it's because the unavailability triggers their hypergamy, because it gives them a sense of you being 'above' them in some way, be it socially, financially or whatever else.
On paper, that explanation makes sense. But I also believe it might just be some kind of gambling addiction. She will keep trying, by making bids for attention and affection, because she gets that sweet hit just often enough to keep her motivated enough to try, but not as often as she needs to feel secure. It's a toxic trap for her, because if you try to offer her a better sense of security and stability, she loses the thrill of the emotional highs/lows and feels bored by the relationship.
I've gotten very good at playing the role of that mysterious, aloof, just barely affectionate man over the years. It was fun when I was newly red-pilled, because I went from 0 interest from women, to new eager and excited dates lined up practically every day, but I don't really enjoy it anymore because the connections are inauthentic as hell and it's hard to respect someone who pines to be treated like an afterthought, who only tries their hardest when they exist in a perpetual state of uncertainty and anxiety - though this isn't always their fault because it's not conscious behavior in most cases, so I don't blame them for it. It's just something I've had to adapt my approach to.
The problem is, it's so effective across lots of different types of women, young and old, subculture to subculture, that it practically guarantees results. It seems like it's what 'the people' want, so there's this pressure to keep doing it. Because when you don't deliver, you don't get anywhere near the level of above and beyond treatment from women that you do when they literally see you as an addictive substance.
Everybody claims to hate playing games in dating and relationships, yet they respond extremely well to them, and are easily bored by something more stable, communicative, and accommodating.
I believe men are just as susceptible to these sorts of gambling-esque relationship traps too, though in different ways. So please try to avoid typical PPD woman bashing comments and discuss in earnest.

I (27F) and my bf (28m) have been dating for over a year and live together. We have a beautiful relationship and we are compatible in 99% of things. Our values align, we share a great sense of humor, we care about and love each other so much, it’s obvious in any room we walk in and when we are behind closed doors. We are always challenging each other to be better humans.
The one issue we have is a disagreement on boundaries with opposite sex friends. It’s been an ongoing disagreement and has been the foundation of every single fight and argument we’ve had. We seriously do not fight about anything else.
I have set very clear boundaries with my male friends, mostly indirectly. I don’t speak with them much one on one and i am not closer to them than i am to my female friends. We don’t have inappropriate inside jokes and i never hang out with them one on one and im happy with those boundaries with my friends.
My bf in the other hand has hardly any boundaries with his opposite sex friend and most of his close friends are women. He has several group chats with like 2 other women that are named a bit weird names like “(girl’s name’s) hubbies” - this is a group chat of my bf, a girl he’s friends with since college and pursued for a bit, and another male, gay friend. He is part of 3-4 other groups similar to that with only women though with similar group names.
They have history to speak a lot about sex and the details of dating. Him and i disagree, but imo, there have been some flirty interactions between a couple of them before and after we started dating. History of sending memes about sex to each other. One of the women recently caused a very weird issue on social media (followed, unfollowed me, blocked me and my bf several times, liked and unliked my posts, etc. was just acting very strange mostly towards my social media accounts)
I guess what im trying to figure out is should i feel ok with this? Should I ask him to make boundaries and change these friendships a bit? He always tells me that he doesn’t want to change his friendships and feel like his freedom is being taken away. That’s not what I want though. I just want to feel comfortable in the relationship and not worry about the next inappropriate interaction he has with his female friends or the next time one of them try to initiate an inappropriate interaction with him. He doesn’t agree that is the case. His definition of inappropriate is way different than mine.
I don’t want him to isolate himself. Most of his friends are females. It’s just really beginning to bother me a lot. We’ve almost broken up a couple times over these arguments of boundaries with friends and how it bothers me. I’m scared to bring it up at this point because like i said, the rest of our relationship is so beautiful. Should i suck it up and bottle this up?

I was coming out of a 2 year relationship that just wasn't a good fit for me so I ended it and wanted to move on with life but wasn't in a rush to find "the one" .. so one day I go into the bar with a buddy, where my mom was the kitchen manager. When I started coming in this beautiful woman who was super cool, would flirt, make comments to my mom about how she was going to marry me. She even would put Hubband on my bar tab as my name lol and I just kinda shrugged it off. She asked me to go out after a few months later. I told her no I was kinda dating other women and jokingly (but not really) just said you are too much for me. I tend to watch and observe people for awhile just so I can be sure they are who they say they are and to get a feel their character for red flags. I am a Scorpio lol what can I say. Truth be told I didn't hear good things about her from really anyone, especially my mom. Infact my mom told her to stay away from me and warned me about her. We became friends and she would always explain how everyone just didn't like her, misunderstood her, or was jealous of her. After I got to know her I was falling in love with her, like she was made for me, we had the same values and morals, likes and dislikes. After dating and being together for about a month or so her phone rang while we were in a movie with her daughter and was told her dad passed away from a massive heart attack. I felt so bad for her knowing the rough history with her dad ( just like my story. ) but the last few years were a lot better and became pretty close. I was there for her and held her for weeks when she was sobbing and did everything for her, including driving her places. At this point I knew she had bad anxiety for the last 10 years or so. Slowly her grief started to diminish a little bit and things were trending up, although her rage and arguments started mostly when she was drinking but I thought well its due to her loss and no matter what I will be there for her and do my best to support her although at times it was frustrating and hard to do. We decided to get married the following February, at this point I was head over heals for her and wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. So from here her mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. Let me explain something. My wifes main support person her whole life, her best friend the person that not only could but would set her straight and tell it like it is. Her mother passed away on july 22nd extremely fast and really unexpected due to the good prognosis from the doctors thats what everyone had thought. So now it was back to ok .. get into protection mode and prepare to support my wife. To my surprise, my wife she wasn't as outwardly upset as when her dad passed away. Thats when I knew that this has undoubtedly crushed, devastated her soul. I am sure that's a vast understatement. Our relationship since then hasn't been the same. She will go into rages that are scary to be on the receiving end of. The name calling, being blamed for all her problems in life, telling me I am worthless, not her equal, that all her other relationships the men were better than me, attacking my manhood, any kind of insecurity I have told her about when trying to be vulnerable will get thrown in my face and used as ammo. Along with any and all arguments from 2 years ago, my past relationships mistakes that I have made, and how she is a prized possession and deserves everything she wants from a man, also that I don't love her as good as other men did and how boring I am because I dont like to sit in a bar get drunk everyday so I am a stick in the mud and dragging her life down and she can do better and be with somone who is going to make her happy. Really anything in her rage is fair game and it got to the point when this happens she is unreasonable, you can't calm her down it will make it worse. She has hit me, and spit a mouth full of chewed food in my face. The things being screamed in my face is disgusting. So I leave not willing to be treated that way and go stay with my cousin for a bit to let her cool off, me cool off and let cooler minds prevail and come back. This has now been the cycle for the last year. The day after Christmas this year it happened again and it was over her preception of something... I was cast away for a month. Come to find out she struck up a relationship with an ex and before I came back deleted text and is telling me half truths about it while blaming me for her indiscretion, saying it was my fault, and had began bashing me to anyone who will listen to her. We agreed to work it out because we love and want to be together and get help for the issues we are having, I made some major changes that she asked for and I followed through and delivered for her. She lost her insurance for a few months and couldn't get her colonopin for anxiety so she had been getting some from her sister to get her by, finally her insurance is back and she goes to her primary doctor to get another prescription and her doc asked if I test you will it be in your system? Whatever she said made her primary tell her she wasn't getting it and she thought my wife was at risk for suicide and she was abusing the meds. She was referred to a psychiatrist and diagnosed with BPD and PTSD due to childhood trauma. She spent the last month on different meds and the behavior issues started up again slowly. At this point I can tell when she is on the verge of a rage filled attack I just don't know when it's going to come. Well it did last Tuesday and it was worse yet, and of course she was drinking. I have researched BPD not knowing a lot and boy it don't look good. I love her and don't want to abandoned her. But it doesn't look good. I believe she also has traits of NPD. I want it to work but I can't keep on with someone who treats me like this. My self esteem is down, she accuses me of having a mental illness and when I explained how I feel she says I am always playing a victim. She makes me question reality and I feel I am going crazy. Just slamming me to everyone who will listen .. for no reason I just dont get it. Anytime she drinks I get filled with anxiety wondering is this the day for a rage filled blow out ? I can't have friends, or my family in my life. I do love my wife. Outside of the major blow ups we are great. When the rages happen I don't know who that person is.

My boyfriend told me about his first love. He went into full on details about her. Literally with times and dates. They met when they were kids and were on and off up until high school. They ended bad. The only reason he let her go is because he didn’t think he was good enough for her. He dead ass said she was too smart, funny and beautiful. He says he is completely over her. The only reason he told me was so I could understand why he self sabotages good things for himself. I stupid stupidly felt bad for him and my immediate reaction was to comfort him.
Ever since then I have been in constant comparison. I always ask myself “well would he have reacted this way if it was her” when he gets mad. I check her socials on a daily. I deep dove into the Internet any and everything I can to know about her. It doesn’t help that she looks the exact opposite of me. We are too different types of women. We are completely opposite in both looks and personality. I go on spirals of searching and searching for any and everything. I don’t hate her at all. It’s not at all her fault she is really amazing. It just hurts to know everything I do.
He has said no one ever loved him or shown him love like I do. This to me is really scary because I always wonder if he wishes she had treated him how I treat him.
Fast forward months after he is being weirdly distant and keeps saying I am too good for him. I deserve better but if I were to leave him he can’t live with himself. I’m the only reason he hasn’t gave up in life completely. I’m not sure what this means exactly. Does he want me or does he not? I keep thinking about her. TL;DR: My boyfriend told me about his first love and I can’t stop thinking about her and comparing myself.