So for background, I’m a female, age 14. I have depression, Anxiety, and probably undiagnosed OCD. before COVID I was in 4th grade life was pretty good, I had lots of friends and really good grades (A’s and B’s) I even had a crush. Of course, I still had problems like my parents were and still are divorced, my dad was hardly around and he's also a narcissist, but that's a story for another day. So when we went on COVID lockdown it was spring break 2020 (4th grade) at the time we all thought it was going to pass but of course, it did not lol. Fast forward to the start of 5th grade, still haven't seen anyone for like 5 months. During this time I was doing virtual learning, at first, I was like “I'm so happy I get to stay home and not go to school.” (Now, knowing what I know, I regret saying that lol.) Then my grades got very rocky and I would not turn in my work on time. When my class was in Zoom meetings have my camera off, I would sleep in a lot, so when school opened up again my mom and teacher wanted me to go back to school. My grades got a bit better but lots of my friends were still doing virtual learning, luckily I had 2 friends there but wasn't that close to 1 of them. The crush I had also was back at school but I started to not like him cause he dressed like a grandpa lol but anyway. In my school, they usually have a big 5th grade celebration which everyone in my grade including me was SO excited for. But of course, we didn't have it because of the stupid pandemic, everything we were waiting for just never happened. That summer was very isolated so my anxiety got a lot worse ( I've always had anxiety since I was young and my mom and I think is OCD.) Going into 6th grade I was ok at first then things went really downhill. I had a hard time making friends and naturally, at the age of 12, I was pretty insecure. I started sleeping in on purpose and trying my hardest not to go to school, I started having lots of mental breakdowns in the mornings ( it was not like I was being bullied or anything like that, I just hated it so much to the point of suicide thoughts and self-harm and it seems dramatic and like I'm overreacting but I do have a backbone it's just how I felt at the time), in the result of that I missed lots and lots of missing and tardy days( I feel really bad about it and so sorry for how much stress I've put on my mom). Because of this, I had so many missing assignments and F’s, D’s, and at most C’s. You are also probably wondering “why I didn't just do the the school at home to catch up”, and I would say “Well gee that's a great idea, I wish I thought of that” At this time all I wanted to do is stay in bed all day and only get up to eat and use the bathroom. As I was saying, I struggled a lot during that school year, so I suggested to my mother that I do HOME SCHOOLING. (rookie mistake lol)

 The start of 7th grade!!! I had so much relief from knowing I didn't have to go back to that middle school. So I joined a certain virtual school and I signed up for the 4 core classes and even an elective, so I had 5 new teachers. I also started therapy for my depression and anxiety at this time. Balancing those classes while being at home was quite challenging for me and I had a lot of distractions while being home. (My sister and probably YouTube were major distractions for me.) although I had a therapist, I still struggled with depression and still have not learned my lesson, and I was not doing my assignments for all the classes on time so I dropped 3 of my classes so I was left with 2 core classes. Then I got kicked out of a class because, you guessed it, i didn't get an assignment done in time. So I was only left with my math class. It took me FOREVER for me to finish that course (like over a year). I finished my math class at the end of last year. I also got a new therapist (because my last one left the company or something like that) early last year and he’s really been a lot of help but I still needed more help so I got on antidepressants and it helped a lot. I'm currently facing the challenge of still being in 7th grade. I'm only in my 2nd class of the virtual school grade. I also have NOT had barely any social interaction with people my age for like over 2 years. I'm supposed to be going into 9th grade now and I regret even going into virtual homeschooling in the first place. And I know it sounds dramatic but the agonizing feeling of knowing I might have to go into a grade under the grade I'm supposed to be in, will drive me into self-harm or worse (I know this will be the case because I know my self and its something that has happened already) . Everyone in my life right now is telling me that I need to just go into 8th grade so I can interact with kids my age but they aren't my age, they would be much less mature than me and I don't want to go back to that school (I can't change my school btw),they just don't understand. 

Long story short I need some sort of advice or ways to help me in this situation:)
(I've been mature pretty much all my life and most of my time being out of school I have mostly spoken with people my sister's age, 18, or my mom's age, middle-aged.) Also none of this is anyone elses fault apart from mine lol.

I'm about a year in as a hobbyist, and I'm getting to that awkward point that I need an outlet other than my wife and 3-4 friends that have seen all of my tricks lol. I have a ~15 minute coin routine and could easily expand that with a few card tricks, but there's a much more basic question I'd have to answer: where the heck would I perform? lol
Being a coin routine, it's not exactly fit for birthday parties or young kids. It also requires a table/mat, so "ambush" magic isn't a great fit either.
Does anyone have any suggestions? This is more about finding an outlet than the potential performances themselves (I'm quite happy as a hobbyist, but even we need audiences occasionally lol). I'm considering hosting some sort of workshop at the local library, but I have no idea how well that would work or what kind of turnout it would get

So for background, I’m a female, age 14. I have depression, Anxiety, and probably undiagnosed OCD. before COVID I was in 4th grade life was pretty good, I had lots of friends and really good grades (A’s and B’s) I even had a crush. Of course, I still had problems like my parents were and still are divorced, my dad was hardly around and he's also a narcissist, but that's a story for another day. So when we went on COVID lockdown it was spring break 2020 (4th grade) at the time we all thought it was going to pass but of course, it did not lol. Fast forward to the start of 5th grade, still haven't seen anyone for like 5 months. During this time I was doing virtual learning, at first, I was like “I'm so happy I get to stay home and not go to school.” (Now, knowing what I know, I regret saying that lol.) Then my grades got very rocky and I would not turn in my work on time. When my class was in Zoom meetings have my camera off, I would sleep in a lot, so when school opened up again my mom and teacher wanted me to go back to school. My grades got a bit better but lots of my friends were still doing virtual learning, luckily I had 2 friends there but wasn't that close to 1 of them. The crush I had also was back at school but I started to not like him cause he dressed like a grandpa lol but anyway. In my school, they usually have a big 5th grade celebration which everyone in my grade including me was SO excited for. But of course, we didn't have it because of the stupid pandemic, everything we were waiting for just never happened. That summer was very isolated so my anxiety got a lot worse ( I've always had anxiety since I was young and my mom and I think is OCD.) Going into 6th grade I was ok at first then things went really downhill. I had a hard time making friends and naturally, at the age of 12, I was pretty insecure. I started sleeping in on purpose and trying my hardest not to go to school, I started having lots of mental breakdowns in the mornings ( it was not like I was being bullied or anything like that, I just hated it so much to the point of suicide thoughts and self-harm and it seems dramatic and like I'm overreacting but I do have a backbone it's just how I felt at the time), in the result of that I missed lots and lots of missing and tardy days( I feel really bad about it and so sorry for how much stress I've put on my mom). Because of this, I had so many missing assignments and F’s, D’s, and at most C’s. You are also probably wondering “why I didn't just do the the school at home to catch up”, and I would say “Well gee that's a great idea, I wish I thought of that” At this time all I wanted to do is stay in bed all day and only get up to eat and use the bathroom. As I was saying, I struggled a lot during that school year, so I suggested to my mother that I do HOME SCHOOLING. (rookie mistake lol)

 The start of 7th grade!!! I had so much relief from knowing I didn't have to go back to that middle school. So I joined a certain virtual school and I signed up for the 4 core classes and even an elective, so I had 5 new teachers. I also started therapy for my depression and anxiety at this time. Balancing those classes while being at home was quite challenging for me and I had a lot of distractions while being home. (My sister and probably YouTube were major distractions for me.) although I had a therapist, I still struggled with depression and still have not learned my lesson, and I was not doing my assignments for all the classes on time so I dropped 3 of my classes so I was left with 2 core classes. Then I got kicked out of a class because, you guessed it, i didn't get an assignment done in time. So I was only left with my math class. It took me FOREVER for me to finish that course (like over a year). I finished my math class at the end of last year. I also got a new therapist (because my last one left the company or something like that) early last year and he’s really been a lot of help but I still needed more help so I got on antidepressants and it helped a lot. I'm currently facing the challenge of still being in 7th grade. I'm only in my 2nd class of the virtual school grade. I also have NOT had barely any social interaction with people my age for like over 2 years. I'm supposed to be going into 9th grade now and I regret even going into virtual homeschooling in the first place. And I know it sounds dramatic but the agonizing feeling of knowing I might have to go into a grade under the grade I'm supposed to be in, will drive me into self-harm or worse (I know this will be the case because I know my self and its something that has happened already) . Everyone in my life right now is telling me that I need to just go into 8th grade so I can interact with kids my age but they aren't my age, they would be much less mature than me and I don't want to go back to that school (I can't change my school btw),they just don't understand. 

Long story short I need some sort of advice or ways to help me in this situation:)
(I've been mature pretty much all my life and most of my time being out of school I have mostly spoken with people my sister's age, 18, or my mom's age, middle-aged.) Also none of this is anyone elses fault apart from mine lol.

L’anno prosimo vorrei portare le ceneri di mio padre defunto a Napoli e spargerle sulla baia di Napoli. Il problema è che is non vivo in Italia e seguendo le vie ufficiali potrebbe diventare un'impresa burocratica complicata realizzare il suo ultimo desiderio.
Qualcuno può darmi dei consigli per renderlo meno complicato e burocratico?
Next year, I want to take my deceased father's ashes to Naples and scatter them over the Bay of Naples. The problem is that I don’t live in Italy, going through official channels might become a complicated bureaucratic process to fulfill his last wish.
Can anyone give me tips to make it less complicated and bureaucratic?

So for background, I’m a female, age 14. I have depression, Anxiety, and probably undiagnosed OCD. before COVID I was in 4th grade life was pretty good, I had lots of friends and really good grades (A’s and B’s) I even had a crush. Of course, I still had problems like my parents were and still are divorced, my dad was hardly around and he's also a narcissist, but that's a story for another day. So when we went on COVID lockdown it was spring break 2020 (4th grade) at the time we all thought it was going to pass but of course, it did not lol. Fast forward to the start of 5th grade, still haven't seen anyone for like 5 months. During this time I was doing virtual learning, at first, I was like “I'm so happy I get to stay home and not go to school.” (Now, knowing what I know, I regret saying that lol.) Then my grades got very rocky and I would not turn in my work on time. When my class was in Zoom meetings have my camera off, I would sleep in a lot, so when school opened up again my mom and teacher wanted me to go back to school. My grades got a bit better but lots of my friends were still doing virtual learning, luckily I had 2 friends there but wasn't that close to 1 of them. The crush I had also was back at school but I started to not like him cause he dressed like a grandpa lol but anyway. In my school, they usually have a big 5th grade celebration which everyone in my grade including me was SO excited for. But of course, we didn't have it because of the stupid pandemic, everything we were waiting for just never happened. That summer was very isolated so my anxiety got a lot worse ( I've always had anxiety since I was young and my mom and I think is OCD.) Going into 6th grade I was ok at first then things went really downhill. I had a hard time making friends and naturally, at the age of 12, I was pretty insecure. I started sleeping in on purpose and trying my hardest not to go to school, I started having lots of mental breakdowns in the mornings ( it was not like I was being bullied or anything like that, I just hated it so much to the point of suicide thoughts and self-harm and it seems dramatic and like I'm overreacting but I do have a backbone it's just how I felt at the time), in the result of that I missed lots and lots of missing and tardy days( I feel really bad about it and so sorry for how much stress I've put on my mom). Because of this, I had so many missing assignments and F’s, D’s, and at most C’s. You are also probably wondering “why I didn't just do the the school at home to catch up”, and I would say “Well gee that's a great idea, I wish I thought of that” At this time all I wanted to do is stay in bed all day and only get up to eat and use the bathroom. As I was saying, I struggled a lot during that school year, so I suggested to my mother that I do HOME SCHOOLING. (rookie mistake lol)

 The start of 7th grade!!! I had so much relief from knowing I didn't have to go back to that middle school. So I joined a certain virtual school and I signed up for the 4 core classes and even an elective, so I had 5 new teachers. I also started therapy for my depression and anxiety at this time. Balancing those classes while being at home was quite challenging for me and I had a lot of distractions while being home. (My sister and probably YouTube were major distractions for me.) although I had a therapist, I still struggled with depression and still have not learned my lesson, and I was not doing my assignments for all the classes on time so I dropped 3 of my classes so I was left with 2 core classes. Then I got kicked out of a class because, you guessed it, i didn't get an assignment done in time. So I was only left with my math class. It took me FOREVER for me to finish that course (like over a year). I finished my math class at the end of last year. I also got a new therapist (because my last one left the company or something like that) early last year and he’s really been a lot of help but I still needed more help so I got on antidepressants and it helped a lot. I'm currently facing the challenge of still being in 7th grade. I'm only in my 2nd class of the virtual school grade. I also have NOT had barely any social interaction with people my age for like over 2 years. I'm supposed to be going into 9th grade now and I regret even going into virtual homeschooling in the first place. And I know it sounds dramatic but the agonizing feeling of knowing I might have to go into a grade under the grade I'm supposed to be in, will drive me into self-harm or worse (I know this will be the case because I know my self and its something that has happened already) . Everyone in my life right now is telling me that I need to just go into 8th grade so I can interact with kids my age but they aren't my age, they would be much less mature than me and I don't want to go back to that school (I can't change my school btw),they just don't understand. 

Long story short I need some sort of advice or ways to help me in this situation:)
(I've been mature pretty much all my life and most of my time being out of school I have mostly spoken with people my sister's age, 18, or my mom's age, middle-aged.) Also none of this is anyone elses fault apart from mine lol.

Well.. Uh..heres my headcanons..not all of this is canon obviosuly.. Most of this is speculation..do not hate on me for believing this stuff..most of the lore isn't confirmed anyway..this post is just mostly headcanons..and stories.. And what I think happened to the MCI kids..and the personalities etc..
Susie-a little girl who's age is 4..she has a pink skirt and dances a lot.. Blue eyes and a blonde.. She talks to her sister Samantha a lot.. Her dad her would play checkers every day..susie was just living her life until Afton took it away.. She then possesses Chica after she screams and screams.. Then dies.. I know we know lot of this already since fnaf 6 came out but you know..
Jeremy- a black boy with freckles.. He's shy.. He has glasses on..his parents don't like him.. They favorite his big brother more..his parents literally left him at the pizzaria with his brother then went to go to Aruba..bad parents..
Gabriel- a mixed boy with messy hair. He's silly and makes funny jokes with his friend some times..a little boy just having a birthday party.. His friends came and everything.. But then spring bunny man came and had a birthday cake in his hands.. Gabriel follows the bunny man and then into the back room he goes..this is one day after Susie and Jeremy dies by the way...then you know what happens after that.. Gabby then gets killed by Afton. Another kids life is done..
Then we have Fritz-foxy ghost kid..a teenager.. Yeah a teen boy..who was friends with a guy called Mike..he had freckles, braces on teeth, reddy orange hair, (like freddy bullies hair!) and messy hair..he also has either green eyes or just brown eyes..in my au...both Fritz and Mike..both go back or Freddy's... And then Mike tells Fritz he sees this guy in a spring bonnie suit looking at kids creepily..then Fritz tries to go up to the man to give him a piece of his mind.. But Mike doesn't let him pushes him back. "It's not safe..what if that guy is actually a serial killer..?" "I don't know, Mike...just let me.. Whatever fine.. Let's just eat some pizza or something.." I actually believe that Fritz is freddy bully from Fnaf 4..i also believe that his full name is Fritz Smith.. Thats why Mike uses it in fnaf 2 when he becomes night guard..for one night then gets fired..on the first day of the job... He gets told by Afton that he has hostsgates in the back room then Fritz runs and goes to the backroom before Afton does..little did he know..Mr.Afton tricked him..theres no one but two stuffed animatronic bodies..Fritz is horrified.. He screams when he sees the man in the spring bonnie suit..then eventually Afton kills Fritz...then he stuffs him in Foxy..it takes a long time though.. Fritz screams and cries for a long time.. Then dies..Mike leaves, thinking that Fritz would come back to school next day and say "Hey, I'm back! I'll tell you what happened..!" But no....this is so sad.. and heartbreaking.. Especially to the families of these children....
Cassidy- she got lured by Afton, him saying that he has balloonsa and a big cake in the backroom.. She couldn't resist and go with him.. Then she went to the backroom and shocked for what she saw.. Then evil, cruel..Mr. Afton..had his knife and stuffed her in the Fredbear animatonic at Freddy's.. Cassidy then was springlocked and then dead a few seconds later...this is the cruelest one yet.. Maybe.. Maybe not..
Yeah.. That's all..
Hope you liked this! Happy 10th year anniversary for Fnaf!
Comment below and let me see your guys thoughts on this..flowey boy out!

Testing time period: 10 days across May 2024
I'll keep this short. Purchased a new ASUS laptop with AMD Ryzen 3 7320U, 8gb RAM, 512GB SSD. I was a happy Kubuntu user on an old laptop between 2012 and 2016. Missed it. Decided to go linux for my personal laptop after my chromebook died. Experimented with a bunch of distros.
Linux Mint - Was light and fast Looked really good with a few tweaks. . Handled my limited system resources well. But terrible battery life. If the battery life was good, I would have stuck with it. I get barely 1-2 hours on Linux Mint, as opposed to 5-6.5 hours on Fedora Workstation 40.
Kubnutu - Looked great. Good battery life. Unstable despite being an LTS version. Laptop wouldn't turn on every 6th or 7th time. Could not find a solution to solve this. I also read that its not uncommon for Ubuntu and Kubuntu to do this.
Ubuntu - Was gorgeous looking. Slightly heavier, wasn't getting the fastest performance for my limited specs. Enjoyed using it though. Decent battery life.
Fedora KDE - Was a little laggy. My humble laptop couldn't handle multi-tasking with more than 10 browser tabs. Many stutters and lags. Decided to go for something lighter.
Xubuntu - Was just too plain. Too boring. Also, not a fan of the whisker menu. Made my new laptop look like it was from 2012. Too simple for my taste.
Fedora XFCE - Looked really nice. But was weird. There was no app launcher and it got a little hard to add extensions and make changes to activate the app launcher via the super button, which as you know is a default in most other distros. That, and a couple of other issues turned me off.
Fedora Gnome 40 - Finally found the one. Gorgeous design. Light and quick. Handles my limited system resources well. Everything works well out of the box. Plenty of community resources. Excellent battery life.
I'm a noob that's just fascinated by Linux. I'm learning all the sudo commands now and watching videos to improve my knowledge. But for users like me, Fedora really hits the spot. Love it.
So for all you noobs out there, try Fedora Gnome first if you're looking to find the one in a single attempt.
Side note: I'm a little sad that there are no Linux drivers for my laptop's Network controller: MEDIATEK Corp. Device 7902. I wish these drivers existed, but they don't so until they come around, I will keep using a usb wifi adapter. Do you ever think they will ever make these drivers for linux?

After being married to my Q for 10 years and being with her for 13, I finally made the move this year and separated from her. While she was in rehab for the nth time, I texted her and told her I wanted a divorce. I thought that would be my redemption. And that, now I could finally move on. She's back from rehab and after a horrible stint of "the pink cloud" where she said she was invincible to her sleeping with others including her sponsor, she's back to drinking. In the house that I gave her to recover. Ive stopped giving her money but she's draining her credit cards and drinking each day. I'm fearful that this time, she will drink herself to death and that one day I'll find her dead. I thought I'd be OK with this all. But I'm not. I'm stuck, grieving. Feeling tremendous guilt, feeling some kind of misplaced love for her and worried about her dying. I don't know how to explain it. The past decade has been a whirlwind. Her addiction has caused me so much pain and I wish I could just focus on that and move on. But I can't. Each day, I still dream of her. Of times we were happy together. Of the love she said she had for me. Of the love I had for her and how happy being in love with her made me feel. I don't want her to die. I don't want her to suffer. I want to hold her once again and tell her I love her. But I know that all that just makes it worse. Prolongs the ordeal and that everything I have to offer pales in comparison with her desire to drink. So, I'm trying to detach. Live my life again. Ive even tried dating again. But it sucks that I see her face at night in my dreams. That I long to hold her in my arms. That I wake up with tears in my eyes knowing I'm alone without her and that eventually, I'll have to bury her. Is this something anyone else here has felt/ feels? It's awful for me to feel like this, to love someone so intensely that probably doesn't feel like this for me. I'm in a lot of pain. And feeling stuck. Hopeless. Loveless. A huge hole in my heart. I try to think about all the binges. The fights, the cheating, the lies. Hoping that thinking about the undeniable facts will make me love her less. Waking moments are easier. But then the nights come by and then the dreams. I love her. I want her. I just want her to be the woman I fell in love with. But its too late. She's too far gone. And all I have left is unrequited love bouncing around in the empty space in my heart. Please tell me it gets better someday. Because right now, it's consuming me. And no amount of therapy seems to be helping. Alcohol sucks. It's taken away the love of my life. And left me with this pit of sadness. This group and the testimonies of the people in it is one of the few things that help. I'm hoping someone here will help alleviate this sadnesss with their counsel. Lots of ♥️

Hi everyone, fresh ECE graduate here na nagboards and awa ng Diyos, pumasa. I've applied to numerous companies as of late, ranging from Electronics Technician to Electronics Engineer to Field Technician, lahat inapply ko kasi ang primary purpose ko sana is makapagipon ng enough na pera para ipursue yung filed na talagang gusto kong pasukan: Data Science.
That's not to say there weren't any enticing offers. There was this one na nag-onboard na ko ngayon and so far I'm pretty satisfied sa offer nila; Let's call this company, Company A. The compensation is atleast, fair in my opinion, and the nature of work is interesting enough para sakin; add to that they have great benefits for a fresh graduate like myself. I was excited and I prayed na sana makapasok ako sa ccompany na to kasi good offers like these don't come often. Even my parents were excited for me, telling me na magtingin tingin na for other dorms or rooms na pede maapplyan.
There was this one company na nadiscover ko just recently (let's call this Company B) na super ganda ng benefits and compensation na even yung parents ko, they were urging me na ipursue ko. Basically, if nakapasa ako sa technical exam nila, papaaralin nila ko for a year, and then I'll be part of several engineering design teams to work on their products. It was a good prospect, and I find myself feeling excited din kasi bukod sa software side, may level din of interest ako sa hardware side ng electronics.
But I told myself, the exam would be hard. There were rumors surrounding sa batch ko na mahirap ang exam; so mentally I prepared na di ako papasa.
I didn't pass.
I've mentally prepared for this, kaya parang tanggap ko na, and it doesn't sting as much.
I can't speak the same for my parents though (my mother in particular) kasi I can kinda feel yung disappointment nila na di ako pumasa. I apologized sa kainan, pero ang sabi sakin ng nanay ko ay "hindi ah, kung saan ka comfortable magwork dun ka, kasi career mo yan eh". Comforting maybe, pero I can still feel the tinge of disappointment pag di siya nagsasalita.
But I got in sa company na I previously liked though. Na we both liked? Why does it feel like parang ang laki kong failure na di ako nakapasok sa Company B when excited din naman kayo para sakin sa Company A? What's the difference na?
I should be happy that I got the job right? I wish na regardless, me getting a job at this time, sana masaya pa rin kayo.

Prev - Next
—————————————————————————————————
Memory Transcription Subject: Legal Name Unknown, Alias: "[See here for full list]"
Venlil Prime, the place where the people take refuge to after the attack on Earth. Getting here was easy, due to the fact that the entire planet was on a panic. Security regarding background checks and identity verification was minimized to evacuate people faster. After the transport, we were given translator implants, so we can communicate with others.
The choice was either to live drifting aimlessly in space, or to stay on our neighbour's planet, I chose the latter. I don't like the idea of being stuck in a ship full of UN soldiers, considering I'll be dead if they caught me. The life here in Refugee Camp ain't so bad, free meals, free bed, recreational activities, and the people don't know my past.
I can live a new life here.
"Kuya Tupe!" Junjun called me, running towards me with with his sister, Mj.
"Kuya! Look what Ate Cass gave us!" Junjun said, while presenting their clothes they're wearing.
"That looks awesome!" I said smiling. "And your dress looks cute Mj."
"Thank you!" Mj said while giggling.
"Oh yeah, I also have something for you two. Merry Christmas!" I gave them a box for each of them. Both of it contains shoes, I don't know what kids want, so I decided to give them what they don't have.
The both sequeled in joy when they opened the box. I guess I picked the right gift. They both wore it instantly, and it fits perfectly. "Thank you so much Kuya Tupe! We're gonna try it out!"
"No problem. Be good now." I said, smiling. Both the kids ran away, trying out their shoes with excitement.
I was with them on the ship that transported us here. Their parents was nowhere to be seen, all they have left was each other. The camp is trying their best to raise these kids like them, all of us acting as their guardian. I wish nothing for myself this Christmas, I just wish these kids don't end up like me...
Wandering more inside the camp, I ended up in the cafeteria. Some aliens can be seen here, mostly the Venlils. They're trying their best to be friendly, but I can see some of them still scared of us. Although some Venlils are pretty comfortable talking with a select few humans, probably their exchange partners.
"Hello! Would you like to try some snacks?" A venlil approached me, offering me food on his tray. His tail is wagging, while trying to make a smile, maybe testing out human non-verbal commination. "Unfortunately, there is no meat in these, but it still taste good."
"Hey, what are you doing." Another venlil whispered to him, but loud enough for me to hear. "I'm sorry for his behalf sir, please don't mind his aggression. I swear he didn't meant it".
These two... Something is off about them.
"It's fine, it's fine. I can tell he's just trying to smile. Have you been practicing that? It looks natural on you." I replied.
"Thank you, it's a small thing." The smiling venlil said with a chuckle. "It saddens me to see that the people outside still treats you badly, so we're here to help the people in need, for you feel welcome in our planet."
"That's really kind of you. Thank you so much for everything."
"No problem. Would you like to try our snacks?"
"Hmm, sure."
As I about to grab a piece, I saw a figure in my periphery. Two men in suits, talking to one of the human guards. The two men seems to be asking questions to the guard. When the guard looked around, he pointed at me, and waved, gesturing me to come. Me and the three men made eye contact, and one of the men in suit moved the guard to the side, and started waking to my direction.
Fuck. They found me. Does these people don't have holidays?
"Sorry, I gotta go. I'll try it later." I said to the venlils as I walk, away from the two men in suit.
Every step I take while walking gets faster and faster, fearing what will they do if they catch me. The two men did the same, until eventually, I ran, and the two men ran as well.
The crowd makes it hard to run away, fortunately it also makes it hard for the men to catch me. I headed for the exit, pushing people as I ran. The crowd starts to become a mess, people on the side watching two men is suit chase after a refugee while I push other refugees to my chaser's way. The venlils in the camp worsen the crowd, as some screamed and panic watching the chase.
"What's your problem!?"
*"Hey!"
"Was that Tupe?"
"What's with the rush!?"
"Are they chasing Tupe?"
"Ouch! Hey you fu- AHH-!"
The crowd started thinning near the entrance. The door is open, but the entrance is blocked by a venlil and human guard. The venlil is frozen in place, looking at me shocked.
"HEY, STOP! NO RUNNING IN THE CAMP!" The human shouted, not noticing the two men chasing me.
Refusing to oblige, I prepare for an impact, charging towards the human guard, throwing him out of my way. Just then the venlil snapped out of his frozen state, and went to check his partner if he's okay.
Outside, the men are still chasing me. I'm getting pretty tired from all the running, after that charge I did took more effort due to this planet's gravity. Just then I heard a scream.
"HELP! THESE PREDATORS ARE GOING TO EAT ME!"
Looking back to whoever shouted, it's the venlil that was offering me food. The crowd of civilians started to panic, after seeing the two men supposedly chasing a venlil. The street went into chaos, stopping the men in their tracks.
Why did he do that?
"Over here!" I heard someone, turning around, it's the venlil the smiling guy is with. "Quick."
Having no other choice, I followed him. We ran into an alley way, and hide in a corner to catch a breath. Both of us exhausted from running. Taking a moment to understand what happened, the smiling venlil returned.
"Hehe, stupid herd." He said, while also taking a breath.
"Snarl, are you sure you still know what you're doing!?"
"Relax, it'll be fine, we're here to help people in need, right?"
Who are these people.
—————————————————————————————————
Memory Transcription Subject: Hlumi, Venlil Exterminator
"Are you sure you'll be fine? Those humans caused a stampede yesterday." Quirn said on a call.
"I'll be fine, I've already agreed to the meeting, it's too late to turn back now." I answered.
Yesterday, there was a stampede that happened in the street where the Human Refugees Camp is settled. No death was reported, but injuries are still present. Despite the humans being the cause of the stampede, they also helped with the injured, successfully preventing a death on a stampede.
"You're facing a human on a one to one conversation, it does NOT sounds fine."
"I thought you agreed when I talked to you about this?"
"Yeah but I didn't knew you'll go alone. I thought the Magister and I would be with you."
"You and the Magister is needed there because of that stampede. Don't worry about me, if the human plans to kill me I can handle myself."
"Alright, fine, whatever, if you die I'll get a promotion anyways, good luck." Quirn hanged up.
It's not the first time I've meet a human and talked to one. When the meeting about Human Refugees Camp was held, a human representative was present. Despite having weird ques like showing fangs as a sign of happiness, the interaction went quite well.
His eyes speaks no ill, and his words sees no lie. I didn't feared him, in fact he was scared of me because of my title. I've never sensed danger while with him. Other humans I've meet after him was no different.
"Hello sir. Is there an appointment with you today?" The receptionist asked me with a smile, a human.
"Yeah, I'm here for the Director?"
"Alright, what is your name sir?"
"Hlumi, an exterminator."
"Oh." The receptionist suddenly changed her mood. "Wait just a second." She double checked something on her computer. Looks like humans still dislike that title.
"You've been approved, here is the location of the Director's office. Please continue down the hall." She continued.
I signed a thanks, and looks like she understand what it means. As I continue to the hall, I heard her talk to herself. "Cute but damn horrible person." I think she doesn't know how good prey hearing are. I just brushed it off.
Entering the office, I see a person sitting on a chair, facing the window. Their back turned away from the desk and me.
"Goodday, I am Hlumi, the Chief Exterminator of this town, I heard the Director requested a meeting with me here."
"Oh, yes, that would be me. I'm the Director of this department." She replied, not facing towards me.
"You know I heard humans like it better when talking face to face." I jokingly said, to lower the tension.
"Oh? I thought you'd like it better if my back is turned away, since venlils don't like how we look."
"Dont worry ma'am." Trying to be respectful. "My 'prey instincts' doesn't trigger with humans."
"Really?" She chuckled. "Well then, if you say so." finally turning towards me. Her face looks human, however she was wearing a dark shaded eyewear covering half of her face.
She noticed my lack of satisfaction. "Is there something wrong?"
"You know, I also heard a human saying of 'The eyes is the window to the soul'."
"Oh my, you've done your research well I see." She chuckled. "Well then, let me reintroduce myself." She said smiling, as she slowly takes down her eyewear.
Finally seeing her eyes, something felt wrong. None of the 'predators' I've meet triggered this feeling.
Why am I getting tensed up?
"I am the Director of the United Nations Criminal Investigation and Detainment Association."
Those eyes, cold, unfeeling, deceiving eyes. Same from before.
"Serving the Government for 20 years, with dignity and pride, protecting the citizens from cruel and unforgiving criminals."
Who the hell are you...
"My name, is Sabrine Harman."
"Pleased to meet you, ma'am Harman". I said, trying to hide my nerves.
"No need to be scared, I won't eat you." She said jokingly. Did she noticed it? "I'm just asking for a deal, a joint operation if you will."
"What is it about?"
"You help me find my prey, and I'll help you find your predators."
—————————————————————————————————
Prev - Next

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JOEL GUERRA THAT TODAY TURNS 32!!!!! YYPPEEEEEEEEEE<<<<<<<< 3

I basically had to move out of our apartment.
I was living with my gf (30f) and I worked to provide, take care of my debt/bills, bills for the apartment and sometimes I would try to get groceries or house hold items and then I sorta tried to help her pay her credit cards ? Kinda sorta. Anyways she didn’t work at all, her mom would send us money for groceries a lot. Her mom would pay her bills most of the time. Mind you I was making 14.50,21.00 and then finally 17.00 with the jobs I kinda jumped around on since the 1st two jobs kinda let me go and the last job I stayed at bc it was good work for a good cause. So I tried my hardest to provide.
Throughout the time of me working and stuff , she never worked like I said. Her mom helped us a lot. She’d cook and clean the apartment , I NEVER asked her to get a job , ever. Always told her “if you want to work you can” never made her felt pressured or anything ever bc I know her past and stuff. She has PTSD from a S.A. when she was in her early 20’s , she developed depression and really bad anxiety over the years so I knew it was hard for her to be in the real world , so again I never pressured her.
Anyways so ever since she moved she had always drank, we started drinking together , it was fun at first and I also made a mistake of drinking and I started over thinking basically asked her if I was her meal ticket or if she loved me and let me say this was right when we moved in I had 2 jobs money was no issue for me and she had like all her credit cards ready for us like she JUST moved in so I’ll be honest I barely knew her… so fast forward I time goes on she starts drinking here and there but I noticed when she would “black out” she would start to tell me “I’m so tired of fucking taking care of you and cleaning up and always cooking like you lied to me when we first started talking you said you were clean and this and that. Why the fuck don’t you clean or do you even watch me cook? Do you even know how to cook what I make?” And then every time she got drunk it was that and the “oh my I’m just a gold digger huh?” And upon even sayin that it never was towards her in a malicious way. It was my first time moved out from my parents , so I was scared to be gone but also scared to be in love too so it came out like wrong I guess but I tried to reassure her that it was never meant that way. Yet she never cared she just assumed I thought of her that way. We argued a lot when she drank even once she compared me to her ex and I lost my composure i yanked a remote out of her hand and got on her face , I only did that once. She exploded on me but she drank more and basically forgot about it I guess bc she wanted to sleep together and just go to bed a few hours after fast forward when I met her mom 3 times she traveled from their homestate. I was super nervous so I was just really quiet and awkward, gf told me to be more confident after her mom left , so I tried changing my mindset , 2nd time I don’t really remember how it went, 3rd time my uncle has just passed away a week prior , he was basically my father so it hurt a lot plus the job I was in I had just seen a dead body so I just was not in a good place I was distraught , I guess I didn’t do very well again. When her mom let that 3rd time my gf basically told me that “why did I treat her mom like shit and act like I didn’t want her there’? Why wasn’t I a more gracious host and why would I leave her wine glass empty instead of pouring wine why was she washing some dishes and why was it that every time she visited she paid for EVERYTHING ?!”
That was never the case at all I just was not in the right mind space and I even apologized to her mom and she said it was okay but to my gf it was like the end all. She basically told me that I fucked up my chances with her mom and that her mom isn’t fond of me. When I told her about feeling like sad and distraught about my uncle her exact words were “what does your Uncle passing have to do with my mom visiting?” and that hurt so much because like that man was a father to me?? She knows that.
So fast forward you know she would get drunk use that as an excuse to basically shit talk me. Telling me I’m not the good person I claim to be , she hit me she would throw tantrums and punch walls, rock back and fourth and scream, she would hit her head on the walls. Then she would always talk about how she hates everyone and how everyone treats her like garbage and that no reallly cares for her including me. when she drank she would bring up the fact I wasnt cooking and cleaning, the gold digger thing and the mom thing always. There’s a lot more ugly shit she said to me but it’s just too much detail.
And I was trying my hardest to change. I tried to remind myself to clean , I TRIED cooking? But I mean by then it was too late. She told me “you had 2 years to change” and it sucked bc I’ve been trying to really change for maybe a year? A little less but I’m not sure but I was trying.
Reading books on how to be a better man, reading on how to control my own emotions , thoughts etc. I was even going to therapy.
Then she left for 3 months because her parents moved back to their home country.
She went and was helping them, she ended up seeing the dude who SA’d her , she told how sick she felt and how bad it was seeing him.
She finally came home and I was prepared to try to help her bc I knew that triggered her and it made her feel worthless and helpless so where I work I deal with trauma and mental health. I had resources for her but she didn’t want them she got back was upset that I basically ate all the food she left me with and I hadn’t gone to the grocery store yet , some of her plants died. I tried to keep the apartment as clean as possible also trying not to go out as much either I mean my friends treated me to drinks and stuff but that was it. Yeah I bought food here and there. So she was back and already mad when I was so excited to see her.
We drank and stuff and she was fine but of course it started again, same things but the new added things were “no one gives a fuck about me and I don’t deserve to live and I would rather die” and I knew it was because of seeing her R-word-pist , so I was patient tried to talk her down and just like comfort her but when I would try she’d push me off start punching the walls, yelling , rocking back and fourth, telling me I’m not a good person basically, all the stuff I listed above she brought up. She also started bringing up how she’s in debt with her credit cards and how she owns basically 95% of the apartment and “what do you even own?” Like using her credit cards took two…it wasn’t just me. I was struggling to pay anything at all. Sometimes I had to chose between our light bill or my credit cards. My cards went to collections and my credit is ruined. So it was like that for a month , her telling me all that bad shit and saying how she wanted to die. Every time she woke up the next day I asked if she remembered last night and she always said “no?” And was acting like everything was okay. However after hearing about wanting to die for a month straight i started to believe it and I got nervous so I called her mom told her what was going on and she said “I’ll be there in two weeks” and during an argument my gf and I had I basically said “fine I’ll leave if you want me too, like I’ll move out” and it was just like in the heat of the moment MONTHS ago. But of course her mom brings that up “oh are you still willing to move if I come down and stay with her and live with her?” Both of our names are on the lease. So I told her I would need time and she said I’ll be down there In a couple of weeks so I thought I had time to look ya know? Nope. 3 days later she’s on our door step lol.
So one day I was talking to my therapist on the phone, the day after I talked to gfs mom, Telling her everything I did to her, yelled in her face, snatched a remote from her, would kinda just act distant from her, how things went with her mom , attempting to clean, cook , buying groceries , credit card debt , etc.
When I finally started to tell her about what my gf did, my gf I guess over heard me bc I was out in our backyard.
She opened the door and said “thanks for talking shit about me and making me sound fucking crazy” then I explained it was my therapist. We talked for a bit tried hashing things out , tried to think of ways we could work on things , she said she wanted to be sober and stuff. Then that’s when her mom came.
Gf got mad at me basically saying “oh so now you’re telling people I beat you? You’re making me seem crazy and delusional. You’re just like my exes.” And all I wanted was for her to get help bc her mental health is bad. Her mom told me “I can give you money for a new apartment”
“You and ___ deserve to be with people who make you happy”
Like that was never the fucking point. I was trying to help my gf with her mental health not break up with her but apparently whatever mommy says goes. My gf didn’t wanna talk to me , because her mom was there basically telling me “I don’t need to talk to you” then anything private I wanted to say. I had to say in front of her mom?? Like this is OUR relationship? Why is it that her mom comes in and makes the decisions.
So I just left. I packed my clothes and my console and left. Stayed in my car and with friends ultimately back at my moms.
I don’t hate my gf , well ex I guess.
I love her deeply and I really wish she would get help so we can be together bc even though bad stuff was happening we had a lot of good times too.
What sucks is I feel like I put so much effort in just to feel like this ? Just to feel like I’m Not worth a fuck and that im genuinely a piece of shit. That I’m a terrible person and boyfriend.
It’s been 2 days since I’ve been gone.
I had an alarm set for work, it was the same one I always used and this morning I felt like I was home just for a second. Snapped back and realized I don’t think I’ll ever get to go back. I miss her, I miss her dog. I miss the apartment.
This fucking SUCKS

I wanted to try this questionnaire for some time, and I tried my best not to ramble too much but there are too many questions inside of questions and I find it hard to be objective. So… I wrote too much. I still would love it if anyone could read and type me (core, tritype, instinct, whatever you feel like). Thank you! And thank you to the person who created the questionnaire, u/Extra_Restaurant6962.

1. What are your views on the good things in life? Do they happen naturally, or do you have to create them yourself? How do they manifest into reality?

It’s a mix of chance and hard work, I think good things can happen randomly but sometimes it’s hard to value this when it’s not something you’re actively working for. To get good things, to follow one’s dreams, the only way is to work hard on it. I’m not saying I’m able to do this though, albeit I’ve had people saying I put a lot of effort into my dreams and I have a couple of achievements here and there I don’t feel like it’s enough and in general I feel like I spend too much time feeling sorry for myself.

1. What are your views on the bad things in life? What are the reasons they happen? How much control do you really have over such matters?

I think the universe is neutral and any good or bad is a concept that humans created, but life being a struggle I guess we have more ‘bad’ things than ‘good’ things. Things degrade, and if you leave life to follow its own course you’ll get trapped in a bad coping mechanism and destroy any chance of being happy. I think we have some control, and using this control to go after happiness is the only thing we can do. All that we have no control over is terrifying, and it’s easy to give up and to be taken by depression by letting yourself be crushed by this existential dread, I particularly am always being haunted by the smallness of my being and acts… But I will keep on fighting.

1. How attached are you to your emotions? How often do you express them to others? What even is the purpose of such feelings? And what are the biases that impede your judgements?

I have a love/hate relationship with my emotions. I think they make me an empathetic and good person in general, also pleasant to talk to and this a big part of my identity; I want to listen to others, be a kind and helpful human, and connect. I’m very expressive, I can be loud and hyperbolic, I can be fun and dramatic while being true to myself. But also I can be overtaken by emotions, especially sadness, and this is very paralyzing and it makes me feel useless and ashamed. I think feelings' purpose is to make us able to love each other! I like to see myself as a rational, logical person - I’m not impulsive at all and I like to be just, and sometimes feelings get in the middle of it and this bothers me as it clouds my judgements; but I would rather be too emotional than cruel.

1. What do you want in life? Are they achievable? If people and obstacles are in your way, what would you do then? With resources being limited, is it ok to acquire essential needs by denying them to someone else?

I want to connect to people and I want to be seen. I want to express myself, to be admired for it, and to make other people’s lives better with my own unique perspective. I wanna be seen as wise, creative, different, and kind. In practical terms, I would like to be a successful artist, drawing and writing and having people liking my work - also I would like to have good friends and or lovers to share my life and to support me while I do the same for them. I can deal with obstacles when they need me to be patient and work slowly and for a long time for something; I can accumulate resources just fine. Competition, however, I really suck at it. I hate competing, I hate taking things from other people because it’s conflict and I don’t do conflict. About taking things from others, it depends - moral values are very important to me. I wouldn’t be comfortable exploring someone else for my gain.

1. Are people inherently good or bad? Or is it neither? What do you believe when it comes to moral goodness? What duties do we all have as individuals? Do we owe anything to each other by default?

People are neither good nor bad, people are simply animals trying to survive and we’re not better and worse than other things that live on this earth. But I do believe in moral goodness as something I strive for, still being a completely artificial construct made by humans. I think we should all try to be as good to each other as possible and care about the comfort of our species because if we want to be treated with dignity we owe other humans the same dignity. This is all philosophical though - there’s no magical karma that will haunt those who are awful, life is not fair, these are simply moral values I believe in following but there’s no universal truth. The universe is cold, it’s up to us not to be cold.

1. Are you extroverted or introverted? If you're ambiverted, when do you lean on each side? What excites you? What drains your energy? How do you feel alive when plagued by boredom and the mundane?

I’m very ambiverted, I relate to the concept so much! I can be very loud and friendly when I’m comfortable, and when I’m with people I don’t know I’m extremely closed, and quiet and I look aloof and stoic - it’s so different people comment sometimes, I look like another person completely. What excited me is to share experiences with others, talk about my interests, and hearing about theirs; I like deep conversations that are impractical, theoretical, and philosophical. What drains me is feeling like I’m in a place where people don’t like me, I’m used to being the outcast and I assumed I would be bullied wherever I go; when I’m in survival mode I analyze every phrase I say, though I’m unable to not be myself I can suppress things I find will give me a social disadvantage but this micromanaging drains me a lot and it’s very exhausting. To avoid boredom I throw myself into my passions and I daydream a lot, I think some pretty mundane things bring me a lot of joy at times… I’m not a multitasker, I go deep into one activity and let myself get drunk on it, usually some outlet I can create things and be authentic. Cheap dopamine dispensers like short videos or porn seem to not work on me, not by anything moral it’s just that I literally feel like my brain is wired differently.

1. What people/values/things do you hold dear to yourself? How do you prevent yourself from being separated from them? Does being disconnected scare you? Do you desire to fit in with the world?

I have my values about being a good person and trying to have a positive impact around me, even if small. People who like me, than I consider outside society and normality like I am, I treasure deeply even though I frequently feel I’m not valued back as much as I would like to be. But I don’t believe in throwing people away; when I cut ties it’s forever but it’s a very rare event. Normally, once you become my friend, it’s forever. Because I like to see bonds as solid and stable things and I approach people who can offer me these kinds of relationships. I don’t want fiery, crazy things. I like to accumulate things, I like collections and physical objects bring me comfort. My art things are very important to me and it would break me if I lost these objects; I spend so much time deciding what clothes to buy because I have a very specific idea I wanna show others and everything must be perfect to reflect what I feel. I feel sorry for my objects if they’re not being loved, I feel like giving them to someone else who will be better to them than I am when this happens, and I really like gifting people things and getting to know exactly what would reflect the person’s soul and ‘wow’ them.
Being lonely and disconnected from people is a big fear I have, maybe the biggest. I’ve felt like someone who doesn’t belong for the longest time, and to this day I lose friendships and connections without really understanding why. Though most of my time is spent being sure I have food, comfort, and things and I risk myself less than I should in life in hopes of keeping this stability my mind is always focused on how to avoid loneliness. I don’t think I fit in the world, and I will always be a weirdo, but I dream a lot about finding somewhere I belong and having a community, though I think it’s very natural for me to always focus on my differences from others whenever I am in a place with acceptance. I simply cannot avoid standing out, it’s a need.

1. What are the biggest disappointments you have? It doesn't even have to be something that happened to you personally. What is something you expected more from, but it somehow managed to fall short?

I have disappointments in me. I wish I could have tried harder, I wish I had decided things earlier, I’m constantly frustrated I’m not perfect and I feel like everyone is doing so better than me in life. I wish I had believed more in my art, and I wish I could have worked on it harder. I wish I hadn’t decided I’m not talented enough to try… And I can still try, but no, I’m too busy feeling sorry for myself. I’m so furious at me at all times, I carry a lot of self-hate.

1. What do you expect from others? Are you entitled to anything? Be it love or materialistic things. How easy is it to rely on others? To depend on something else outside of your control?

I don’t think I’m entitled to anything, but I let my parents pay for my bills and I think that this is justified because I’m a mess because they’re a mess. Sometimes, though, this makes me feel very guilty but I think it’s the closest thing I have to being entitled. I hate depending on others, and I dream of being extremely independent but it’s not a thing I have in real life. I think I can avoid love at times because I don’t want my happiness to be in the hands of others, and I know I can push others and withdraw whenever I feel like I’m being too dependent. People barely can do things for themselves, they won’t do things for me - the responsibility of working to better the self and for happiness is a burden over every person that ideally should only depend on the individual.

1. What are you as a person? How do you see yourself? How do others see you? How do you want others to see you? How do you want to see yourself?

I’m a loser, but I’m also an interesting creature. I’m an eccentric intellectual, an artist, and a storyteller. People like me because they feel comfortable talking about things nobody else cares about, and because apparently I give good advice and I can think outside the box. Also, I guess I get called to give my opinion on other people’s creative projects. I think people see me as a fun animal they can play with sometimes and forget to go after people they really care about, I’m like a tertiary character in the lives of others. I heard many, many times, from people who like me and people who dislike me that I’m very weird. I know I’ve been stopped from being invited to things because I talked about strange, morbid, and sad subjects, and my self-censorship, though I try hard not to be unpleasant, is not the best in the world. I would like people to see me as someone irreplaceable that they like a lot. I would like to see myself as someone I don’t hate and that I can be proud of.

1. How do you organize your thoughts? What are concepts and ideas to you? How do you navigate through such a hazy frightening future? What do you believe are the most important questions one can ask?

My mind is a messy, noisy, confusing place. Also full of wonders, it’s a marvelous place to get lost in and I can entertain myself with my thoughts for hours… I think by free association a lot, I see patterns no one sees and I jump from topic to topic in a way that is only logical to me. I’m extremely creative, to the point it overwhelms and paralysis me. I like theoretical constructs to organize reality, but I don’t think I’m rigid or dogmatic with my boxes and concepts, though I love to learn about these. The future… I believe I think more about the past, but I like to project a future where things will be better and that’s how I get energy to keep going and not give up. The future in my mind is usually highly romanticized. I think we can ask about what truly matters to us, and work for it, and have very clear which are our priorities - this is the best way to work for a good future.

1. Are your instincts something to be trusted? Your first-impressions, or your natural intuition on things. How often, and when, are you on "autopilot" with your body? Doing things out of habit and muscle memory.

I try to break down and rationally analyze things that come from intuition. It’s exaggerated, so this can throw me into analysis paralysis and I’m working on trusting my instincts more, but it’s hard. I have a hard time feeling connected to my body even though I care very much about my physical comfort - but mostly, having a body and having to take care of it is a burden. I don’t think I have autopilot… I don’t feel like I spend my life sleeping or numb, I feel things heightened all the time. The idea of ‘Am I the only person that is awakened in the entire universe’ comes to me way more than any feeling of autopilot. I’m a floating mind poorly connected to my meat robot.

I understand how it feels to doubt happiness because you don’t really know what it feels like to be happy I don’t regret feeling that way towards you, or ever loving or caring about you, I wished however that I’d stopped because it always got me hurt, but know I’ve never regretted it.
It feels helpless to know what could have been, and it never was or will be, so every time I think of you, I wish that somewhere or sometime in a different world or life we’d meet again.
It’s odd that I forgot how your voice sounded like, except for the vague sound of “hello” from that one time, and yet I still have all these memories and feelings about you.
You know when you get hurt, you’d always try to look for a reason in it, and for me, the sufferings wouldn’t have been this painful as they are now if they’ve lead to something meaningful. And i thought that meaningful thing was you coming in to my life, and i wanted to believe i was that for you too, but we were just two lonely people trying to hate ourselves a little less.
Truth is, the sufferings and all the connections i ever made or will make never will be more than i make them out to be, and truth of why i survived all this time is, that i was a coward to end myself.