Early guns exist like muskets and revolvers, but it is believed true power comes from pride and guns grant no pride in combat and ambition (unless used by a person with it as their weapon), people rather use swords as they are a symbol and believed giver of pride ambition, and those who use guns are shamed. Guns are often expensive as well as there are not many gunsmiths.) (me making up bs reasons on why I want to use only swords in this world) This is a modern fantasy world inhabited by humans around the 2020s but much less populated.
Backstory:
5000 year ago, the God’s were all powerful, except Roesa the Goddess of love and the granter of peace who was weak due to her ability to only love. Each God looked after a specific part of the Earth, making the Earth different physically and culturally. These God's lived in the atmosphere of Earth, hovering over their selected regions. The effects of this can sort of still be seen today. They were good God's, kind, just and helpful, often shrinking down to the Earth to party with the Humans. They brought balance. The God's brought balance by the Doxology, a list of 5 laws of the universe which they put in place. Those being: • God's are supreme and above anything. • A lie of the truth given is an evil assault on the God’s holy name. • If needed, blood shall be shed by the God's commands. • Mortals shall not murder unless given divine authority. • Your ambition is to serve the God ruling over the region you were born in. Any breaking of this rule would increase your Misó on your krísi meter, which is a sort of sin meter. People with negative Misó would be executed in grand displays in large towns. While helping society and following these laws would decrease your Misó and those with very low negative Misó would be rewarded with tools or land. However their downfall was destructive, it is believed it started when a parasite snuck into the king of the Glod's, Zlamen, brain via his ear during a party. This parasite travelled via communication, as Zlamen spoke to his fellow God's they all began to feel its symptoms. These symptoms were similar to rabies but slow and brought painful stings to the brain which was actually their brain slowly being eaten, the God's slowly became paranoid. And so, they began to theorise. They began to believe if they consumed the Goddess of love, Roesa, they would regain their sanity, and so they forged a plan to lure Roesa to do just that. The plan worked and they lured Roesa into a secluded temple, the temple that housed the tree of love. They partied with Roesa, giving her poisonous drink which eventually caused her to sleep. After this, they consumed her, ripping and tearing every limb while the now poisoned blood dripped down the temple onto the Earth below, landing on the Earth but partically landing on the Balkan nations, forever making it a place where love cannot exist, also creating sort of blood mountains, which surround the Balkans. Unconditional benevolent love on Earth was destroyed and the tree of love shrivelled, the God’s plunged further into madness, now in grief of their actions. The God’s, so demented with grief, used their power to attack each other, believing they were next to die, starting “θάνατος συντριβή” (Death Shattering) which caused each region of the world to go to war with each other in a massive free for all. As the war went on, an unknown stronger being came to remove the God’s power. Each God was imprisoned and locked into chambers in different universes one by one. However, the now poisoned blood of Roesa made an unremoveable stain, creating πρόλογος events which made sure anybody who was becoming perfect would attract negative events and also go mad with newfound power. The unknown stronger being replanted the tree of love which stopped the world from collapsing and allowed good deeds to be done again, but he couldn't remove the stain of Roesa from the Earth. This unknown stronger being, lets call him Rob, is a mysterious figure, nobody knows if he even exists, this is just one of the many theories of the God's disappearances. Right now, it is believed to be in slumber. Some suggest it may awake, but nothing has happened yet. Even though Death Shattering was a while ago, Human’s still use this as arguments for war. Some also still pray to these God’s and beg for their return as they feel it gave them a purpose. Some people even started a religion to try to contact the God’s called “οι θεοί επαφές” (The God Contacters), which house Vigils, the last remaining thing that the God’s left. Society has rebuilt, yet there are constant wars everywhere as the fight for power the God's once had continues. Governments are destroyed as fast as they are made. Because of this, many people resort to local gangs to protect their small rural villages from invaders, often being led by a person with a Reccundi.
Many different religions have formed around this central idea of ‘What happened to these God’s?’. These religions are called a “Thesis”. They are incredibly hostile to one another, their main point being ‘A lie of the truth given is an evil assault on the God’s holy name!’ There are many, many interpretations, but here are the most important/main ones:
• οι θεοί επαφές (The God Contactor's), prevalent in the south Balkans and its most powerful Thesis, there are not many, but most have a stronger Reccundi so they are generally left alone. Their theory is the theory I explained above, that the God’s were trapped by a stronger being and are caged somewhere. They believe they are still alive and can be contacted via a large amount of prayer as it is stated in the ‘αλήθεια δεν έχει ειπωθεί ακόμα’ (truth yet to be spoke) written by Zlamen that if the God’s disappear, they can be contacted via this method. However, it is said this wasn’t actually written by Zlamen and was instead written by a bookshop owner wanting to get a quick buck. People say this as the language used in the book is described as more ‘modern’ then the known books written with proof by Zlamen. Both can’t be proved, but there are hardly any other hopes of contacting them. Their founder, so called ‘Paulan’, may be real, maybe not. It is written in a book called ‘Μέρες ως ο μελλοντικός σωτήρας’ (Days as the future saviour) about his early developing of the church and what happened to the God's, but it was not written via ink, it was written via precise engravings of small yellow scratches on very, very thin paper that have been said to be glowing, this material has still has not been identified to this day. This as well as him proclaiming early that he is a ‘Saviour’ has created a divide within The God Contactor's, between those who think Paulan was a Messiah of sorts and exist make to this Thesis so Humans could contact God’s, and those who think Paulan is a ‘Forgotten’ God who created this Thesis to help humans contact them, ‘Forgotten’ as his name isn’t written in any past books. Conflicts has started over this, resulting in destruction of temples and one of the bloodiest conflicts in European history, the ‘άρση της άγνοιας’ (Removal of ignorance). 76 million deaths, started in the Bulgarian region for your reference, made the religion nearly extinct as strong Reccundi’s destroyed the innocent and themselves to remove those who went against their beliefs, causing other countries to go to war with these Reccundi. But, because most of these countries hate each other, it would only take one misfire from one side to start a full free for all. 200 years later, and the shadows still haunt the Thesis to this day. The God Contactor’s have been more bloody in their past have been very bloody, crusading throughout southern Europe and North Africa to try to find Vigil bushes and young Ineffable Reccundi’s, so they can take them to their temples to ‘protect them’. This led many people to dislike them, but they cannot do much as most God Contactor’s are original Reccundi users who have stronger Reccundi then usual. Due to most of them having the original Reccundi given by the God’s. • MORE COMING SOON
Countries:

Countries are built up of small towns that all follow the same religion, if you do not have a religion in this world you are seem as evil and will be attacked.

Magic system: In this world there is a sin meter called krísi. As you commit more good deeds, you attract people who want to kill you but you also attract people who want to love you, but if you commit bad deeds, people become intimidated by your Misó, which leads to less people wanting to kill you and less people wanting to love you, but attracts stronger people who want to kill you. This was created by Zlamen, krísi and Misó existed as a concept before the Death Shattering but Zlamen edited it as a last-ditch effort with the last of his power so people would fight.
When you commit more bad deeds it creates energy in your soul called “Misó”, this energy fuels your Malice and as the energy increases so does its power and capacity. It also fuels your ambition further, making you want to follow your deepest desires more. Having negative Misó makes it so you can take Misó from enemy attacks better due to lack of Misó clashing, basically making your health higher. Misó switches its location between your weapon when it is unsheathed and your body when it is sheathed and can be concentrated into a specific spot onto a weapon to deal more damage. Your soul slowly dies as your Misó increase, making you slowly unable to stop your ambition. It is very hard to use this energy in attacks as if two blades with high Misó, or two people with high Misó, clash it creates a small powerful shockwave. This makes it so every attack must be precise as it still deals a ton of damage. But as you clash more, you get used to this small shockwave and begin to tank it. Bad deeds increase Misó, good deeds decrease Misó. Anything below half Misó on your krísi meter is considered negative Misó.
Ambition:
Without the God's power being over people anymore, people developed ambition. Every person has a deep-down ambition. Their Reccundi and its abilities are specifically made to try to complete this ambition. A persons ‘main goal’ in life, is to complete this deep-down ambition. People with opposite ambitions are ‘pulled’ to each other, like magnets. They must cross paths in their life to battle, as person with opposite ambitions is actively stopping your ambitions, removing them will allow you to complete your ambition.
How to get a magical ability?:
To get a magical ability, you must have to have had committed at least 95% of good deeds in your life. If you are like this and are about to die, a golden sweat drop will drip from your forehead, being granted from the blood of Roesa. This is called a πρόλογος event (Prologue event). The attacker will then be frozen in a state of paralysis and the user will gain the attackers weapon for life. The weapon will not leave the user and becomes encased within the user's spine. It can be accessed by doing an unsheathing motion at the top of the user's spine. If you are shot by a bullet, you will retrain the gun as your weapon and instead of being encased within your spine, it is encased within the right side of your pelvis. This may seem like a blessing at first, but this means the Earth will never be peaceful and will always be in conflict no matter what due to humanities natural ambition when given power. This is a newer version of obtaining a Reccundi, the old method was a special fruit the God's would feed people that granted much stronger Malice's and agápi, but those fruits are now exinct as they were required a very specific creation process. Some of these users are still alive and fight over their regions as it also granted them a longer lifespan.
Rules:
• The weapon will be moulded to relate to the user's personality. E.g a dagger will turn into a dagger with 3 blades for a person with deep down violentness. (Very cool) • The destruction of these blades will kill the user. • The weapon evolves as the user changes. If the user becomes more sinful then the weapon will become longer but if the person becomes more justful then the weapon will become a part of them, leading to their agápi form. A person, however, can get a short version of their agápi form by stabbing their left eye. • The weapon also changes to which would most fit their deep down personality and attacks, e.g you may start with a dagger, but it will slowly turn into a scythe. • The user’s left eye will get a specific pattern. • Veins are inside of your weapon; these veins contain the Misó to unleash magic and refill when sheathed • As Misó increases, your weapon will start to glow an aura the same colour as your eye. • Once you complete your deep-down ambition you are given a new one.
If you have an ability, you are labelled as a “Reccundi”: There are 3 types of Reccundi: • ενικός (Singular Reccundi) - Has normal abilities relating to the user’s deep down sinful desires. E.g if a person deep down wants to control a country into believing they are their God they are given a small piece of new knowledge of the universe on how to obtain that goal, for example a person who wants to take over a country will be given knowledge on how to create fire using their Misó to cause destruction. However if your deep down desire is Good, you will be given knowledge that you can use to prevent harm still achieve your goals. This unique form of your Reccundi's powers is called your "Malice". It will start out weak, however as a person delves into these desires, the malice becomes more powerful. Doing the opposite of these desires can flip your Malice’s ability. • άφατος (Ineffable Reccundi) - A person who has the blood of a God inside them (a God has to be in your past family tree) will gain a small fraction of the God’s malice (their affilated power), they're a result of the "partying" the God's did. The person will also be guided in dreams by the God into question into doing their bidding which is usually to kill other άφατος as the God’s still hate each other. These people do not need a πρόλογος event, but rather are born with these powers instead. These people also do not have a weapon, but rather their power is unleashed via selected sounds from their mouth, like a whistle. They are also born with a false Agápi, but instead of becoming one with their Agápi, they summon it instead to fight for them, still controlling it. Ineffable Reccundi are also aided through visions which only they can see, these visions are the God’s guiding the Ineffable Reccundi on where to go to complete their ambition. If you go against these visions, they may begin to haunt you with scary imagery of your worst fears. • αίμα (Blood Reccundi) - When a person in your bloodline has died beforehand with a εξουσία, you will recieve their weapon and malice as well as their skills learnt. These people do not have access to an Agápi, and so do not have a special eye pattern, but rather they have 3 eyes; one normal right one, one special left one they have and a 3rd one on their forehead which their past family member once had. This 3rd eye goes right into their brain, allowing the past family member to speak to the Blood Reccundi. but have a much stronger forge in which the past person in your bloodline takes over your body and mind.
How to use this magic?: To use your weapons magic, you must train it to unleash magic when you do a specific motion with it. You first need to enchant your voice. To enchant your voice, you must have control over your weapon. To show control, all you need to do is win a fair duel against another Reccundi user. This will grant you one non-physical token which when enabled by saying the name of your weapon, enchants your voice for 60s. When your voice is enchanted, you are granted infinite knowledge, relating to your given Malice, on how you can use the Misó inside you to control your Malice. Then all you need to do is imagine it with your eyes closed the Misó coming out of your weapon, in a form relating to your Malice, when you do a specific motion and say a certain phrase, and boom. When you do that motion again while saying that phrase the Misó will come out the same way. You can learn one move per enchanted voice.

Ineffable Reccundi learn the same way but instead of doing a motion, they do a sound.

DIFFERENT WAYS OF USING THIS MAGIC:
Agápi, false and true:
The user's Malice will be shown slightly through their weapon, but the real power resides when they stab their left eye with said weapon, they will go into a short, false version of their agápi form which unlocks the user's imagination and gives the maximum Misó, also transforming them into a figure in which they are completely a being of their ambition. The surroundings are also affected by your ambition and act subconsciously to aid in your ambition to defeat your foe. The God's created this so Human's would be more powerful on the battlefield. However, a side effect of this is that you cannot leave the enemy's vision. After this short version is finished, the user will stumble for a minute then fall into a deep coma and will only awake after consuming the olive of a Greek olive tree, which were planted by the God's to aid in this. After consuming the olive, the user’s left eye will be repaired, and they will awake with no memory of what had happened. Doing this too many times may lead to blindless or dulling of powers. People think this is the true version of agápi, but it isn’t. It is a lie that most cannot truly comprehend over. Your true version of your agápi is when you dismiss your deepest desires, overcome your ambition and become one with the blood of love, while also losing your weapon. This version of agápi unlocks your heart and mind, the user becomes invulnerable to harm and unable to give harm which also means they cannot speak as words can be interpellated differently. Because of this, most true agapi users are seen as strange people who lack the basic skills to communicate and due to krisi, it makes most people hate them. This means they are not common in society due to most of them leaving for greater peace. These people usually live humble lives by themselves.
False Agápi rites: When you gain an Agápi, you gain a unique ‘Rite’, This grants the user unique knowledge on how to use that imagination to their advantage. A person can only have one Rite, but you can learn how to utilize it better via consuming Vigils.
Forges:
As your Misó increases, your soul slowly dies. At this point you have fuelled your Misó so much your soul is crying for help. A forge is a tattoo that is slowly engraved onto your forearm as your Misó increases, it is the words of your soul begging for you to stop. When these words are spoken, it releases the Misó inside a person, a person can concentrate the energy into a large area or into a very small area and into any form or shape. The concentration is controlled via how fast the forge is spoken, the faster the larger the area and the slower the smaller the area. When the area is smaller, the damage is higher due to higher concentration and vice versa. Having Negative Misó can make the area bring in people instead of launching people away. It can do extra damage due to the clashing of Misó’s. If the concentration is low enough, it can even force an enemy out of their Agápi. Unlike apápi, you will not fall down after it is finished but you will not be able to use your weapon for a while, shorter for more sinful people, longer for less sinful people. For Blood Reccundi, their forge is stronger as the sins of their past family member takes them as their host.
Forge Wrapping:
Blood Reccundi’s can channel their Miso onto their blades, creating a thin layer around the blade in which Miso cannot escape. By doing this, the Miso begins constantly bouncing between the weapon and the Wrap. This turns the weapon into a sort of saw which can rip through tough things.
False Agápi and Forge mixing: Mixing your Agápi and your forge will allow the user to control the area the forge is covering using their imagination. You do this by stabbing your eye as you are reading your Forge.
Ineffable Reccundi Temple Technique:
Ineffable Reccundi, through extreme, painful concentration, can exchange their Miso for Divine blood to be bestowed upon them. This divine blood trickles down from space and rains down upon them and is absorbed through the skin. If a normal human/Reccundi drinks this blood, they will die. When they have Divine blood in them, they gain a short burst of immortality for a singular minute and have heightened strength and senses, being able to track even the smallest of movements to hit very precise. When all Miso has been exchanged into Divine blood, they can use a special incantation. By covering their left eye with a unique hand gesture while this is active, the ineffable Reccundi uses all their divine blood into one move. Forgotten temple: (The God’s name). By doing this, the Ineffable Reccundi shatters the reality around them and transports those in their small radius to the temple in which their God used to reside. This temple does not abide by any natural rules, it is simply a space in the universe in which existence has manipulated to create this temple. In this temple the Ineffable Reccundi gains 1% of the God’s power (a lot), rage and control over the temple and the God’s element. The God voices that were talking to them in their dream also become real, they help the Ineffable Reccundi to decide how to destroy their opponent. But Forgotten Temples main thing is the editing of the Doxology. The ineffable Reccundi can ‘edit’ a rule out and create their own law that must be followed in this dominion.
Τέλος (End Form):
The Τέλος, also known as the end form, is the mixing of a false Agápi, forge and an Ultimate Vigil. It traps the enemy in the users mind where user can control everything, including the enemy's imagination, Misó and knowledge. It starts at only 5 seconds, but consuming more Vigil can increase the time spent here by 5 seconds each Vigil. The get an End Form, you need to have no soul, and you must have obtained an ultimate vigil. Once you have done all this you need to stab your eye to activate your false Agápi, read the forge on your arm and stab your heart during a battle with the enemy. It will then activate, and you and the enemy will be transported into your dominion. People are unable to die in this dominion, as that would remove them from your imagination. As you deal damage and come back into the normal world, the damage stays with the person who was attacked.

If the enemy somehow activate their Τέλος during this, you both are transported back to the world facing back to back with each other.

Vigil: Vigils are integral to gaining power in this universe. They are small blue circular fruits about the size of a raspberry and are believed to be what gave the God’s their power. But as the God’s fought over Earth, they planted them so Humans could gain a small amount of power to win their battles. They used to be common, but as time went on, they became scarcer. The God Contactor's crusaded over them and housed them in temples as it was the last remaining thing the God’s left, resulting in people not liking the God Contactor’s as they pillaged to find these Vigil’s using their superior Reccundi. They increase the flow of your Misó, making your more ambitious. When swallowed, they unlock your false Agápi. Temples can be found in many places; on ground, underwater, in mountains. If there is a place that is said to get you closer to God when you pray, a Church has probably built there. There are 5 things you must do to get a Vigil: • Visit a holy temple of the old God’s, located in the Balkans. There is a Priest of the old God’s located inside. • Present him the head of a άφατος (ineffable reccundi) • Defeat the Priest (who is a strong Reccundi user) because he is angry you killed one of the God’s children. You may also have to kill other people at the service, who may be Reccundi themselves. • After he dies (he will be reborn the next century), his spirit will be forced to guide you to the Garden of blue, which is a small garden surrounded by an indestructible steel barrier, located in the back of the temple. • He will cut one off its vine and ask you who do you hate the most, he will then bless the fruit against their name, then hand it to you for you to eat. After consuming, you gain your false Agápi as well as its Rite. Consuming more will increase your chances of coming across an ineffable reccundi user, increase your ambition and increase your knowledge on how to utilize your false Agápi technique. Information is also revealed on the person who you said you hated the most about their Reccundi and Malice, consuming more reveals more information. Some temples still hold the original Vigil bushes which give you stronger, God level, powers, akin to ineffable Reccundi. These are called ‘Sacred temples’ However, these sacred temples are much more protected, some Reccundi users devoting their lives to just standing there, waiting for a person who is trying to steal one. These sacred temples are rare sightings as there is a Reccundi user whose ambition is to teleport these sacred temples around, making it so it's almost impossible to obtain an original Vigil.
Types of Vigils: Each temple has a certain type of Vigil which influences a specific part of your false Agápi. Vigil of Destruction – Increases your knowledge on how to cause more destruction. Vigil of Protection – Increases your knowledge on how to defend against destruction. Vigil of Time – Increases time in your Agápi but also increases cooldown time. Vigil of Pace – Reduces time in your Agápi but makes it so you can use your Agápi more frequently with a shorter cooldown.
Cursed Vigils:
Every Vigil has a unique amount of Misó inside of it, the higher the Misó inside a Vigil the harder it is to consume but it will give you a higher effect depending on what Vigil you consumed.
Ultimate Vigil:
An ultimate Vigil is a very hard thing to obtain, it is a red circular fruit that replaces your heart after eating via dissolving the heart and embedding itself inside your body. It was once used by the God's to kill each other in the Death Shattering. You obtain it by: • Consuming 7 Vigils, having them blessed in the God you want to fight’s name. • Kill the person who is against your ambition. • Sacrificing a limb in a circle of the blood of Roesa which triggers you to go to the God you had blessed against’d . • Defeat the God. • When the God dies it will sprout a tree, consume the singular fruit of the tree. • You have gained an Ultimate Vigil. Ultimate Vigils are used to obtain your Τέλος (End form)

Hello, I just want to share my experience with CW and their customer service and how they are handling a faulty watch/problem.
I bought a C60 Trident Pro 300 (40mm green) on the 15th of February. The top screws had problems (the ones holding the endlinks to the rest of the bracelet) – they arrived “messed with” and kind of stripped. I had the bracelet shipped back to CW – they fixed it.
Then, I noticed dust inside the crystal. CW acknowledged it. Watch shipped back and supposedly it got fixed. I tried getting a replacement instead of having it repaired, while talking to them via email – customer service never really responded directly to my replacement question…but well, I trusted the process and trusted it would get properly fixed. It took near a month to get my watch back. Looking back I should have insisted on the replacement since it was under the 60-60 return policy.
It arrived and after a week or so I noticed dust inside the crystal, again. Not on the same spot but it was there. CW acknowledged it again and I sent it back – again. At this point the 60 days (the return period) was gone, but I had the watch in my possession for probably half of that time, since the other half was spent in the aforementioned process.
This time (and since I was getting really tired of this whole thing!) I asked if I could just get a replacement instead of having to wait to get it fixed (I mean, this was the 3rd time I was sending my watch back to them in a matter of 2.5/3 months). They said that it was out of the 60days period but understood my situation and they said they would have to evaluate it first before giving me a proper answer (which is understandable). Well, I shipped the watch back to them and they agreed to replace my watch. They warned me that they’d send me a new watch but with my “old” bracelet though – I was fine with it.
Just received my watch back today. Even with this “simple” solution of a replacement instead of a repair, I was without my watch for 3 weeks (no idea why it took so long). I am in Portugal by the way.
BUT….Wanna guess? There is a problem with the watch….still. This time it is related to one of the endlinks fit. There is play on one of the endlinks and it seems that one of the springbars doesn’t want to “sit” properly on the case’s hole.
After searching on Google it seems to be a rather common problem. Since it was my old bracelet, that means that someone had to "transfer" my old bracelet to this new watch. I am not sure how the person that did it didn't notice the problem, since I noticed it right away the first time I tried it on my wrist. I tried getting it to fit, I tried removing the endlink and refitting…nothing seems to work.
I just contacted CW again (with a video showing the problem - is there a way to post it here?) and I am waiting for their response. I just wanted to share the whole experience. So far their Customer Service has been great and they have shown interest in my problems. They tried to fix it, but it is becoming excessive and a complete nightmare. I know that problems can happen…but come on. I have owned at least 50 watches over my lifetime and I have never ever experienced something like this. It might be excessive bad luck, but 4 times is a little bit too much. I am just tired of dealing with with DHL, returns, customs, waiting for weeks, dealing with emails, etc.
At this point I bought the watch almost 4 months ago, I was without it for nearly 2 months and I have never had the chance (yet) to fully enjoy it.
I still love the watch and I want to enjoy it. I still believe CW watches are incredibly well built and fairly price. But I’m not sure I’ll return to the brand after this one.
I’ll keep this updated with the CW response and the final outcome. Based on pevious experiences, I do believe they’ll fix it for me (probably send me a new endlink/bracelet/whatever). But damn I am tired.
The purpose of this post is just to share my experience and maybe help CW improve their service. At the end of the day they back their products and they don't seem to ignore our complaints. But something might be wrong in the process if they let problems like these get past their "inspection" phases. In my case someone had to inspect the watch before having it shipped and someone had to replace the bracelet - so this really shouldn't be happening. A problem is understandeable....four, not so much.

Synopsis:
Carlos was an ordinary software engineer on Earth, up until he died and found himself in a fantasy world of dungeons, magic, and adventure. This new world offers many fascinating possibilities, but it's unfortunate that the skills he spent much of his life developing will be useless because they don't have computers.
Wait, why does this spell incantation read like a computer program's source code? Magic is programming?
___
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High Lord Recindril Tostral stared across the practice yard at his opponent with intense focus, never blinking both eyes at once, for losing sight completely even for a literal eyeblink could be fatal in combat at his level. He was vaguely aware of the rest of the courtyard around them, the racks of practice weapons and a few trophies hanging high on the walls, and a part of him was alertly watching for any hint of danger from any direction. The bulk of his attention, however, was squarely on the younger man facing him with drawn swords at the ready.
It was remarkably similar to looking in a mirror. The young man in front of him had the same strikingly red short-cropped hair, the same alert brown eyes, the same angular chin, the same well-muscled but wiry frame, strong without being overly bulky. Even the youth's stance was identical to his own; right foot forward, knees bent, feet ready to dance like the wind across the ground, right-hand longsword extended forward to threaten an attack, and left-hand longsword held closer to parry. The family resemblance with his firstborn child and heir, Recindren Tostral, was unmistakable.
The younger Tostral finally made the first move, a short step forward and a lunge, but the high lord could tell it was only a feint. The movements of muscles and mana gave away his opponent's intentions to his finely tuned senses, and he responded with only a minute shift of his left sword, prepared to slap the strike away if Recindren tried to convert it into a genuine attack mid-lunge. Recindren withdrew his feint and shuffled to his right, trying to find or create holes in the elder's guard.
Lord Recindril rotated in place to stay facing his son and continued watching closely, analyzing for even the slightest flaw in the young man's movements. He fended off a rapid series of thrusts and slashes, practice swords ringing almost musically as their dulled edges clashed repeatedly. Soon, it would be time to counterattack and test the boy's defenses as well, but for now he merely played at being a hard target. That was an exceedingly scarce commodity for his son by this point, as only another noble would ever be able to stand up to the hurricane of steel the young man was unleashing on him. Most commoners, even high level adventurers, wouldn't even be able to see the attacks, much less block them.
His son needed a sparring partner he couldn't instantly overwhelm, and Recindril was happy to fill the role. It gave him some much-needed practice as well, though he still had to hold back. His heir may have been empowered by their mana wellspring, but Recindril himself had received that power as well, and had developed further beyond that point in the years since then. He had an advantage of 8 more levels of compression in his mana, and the additional speed, skill, and strength from that could have ended this fight decisively in fairly short order. Neither of them would learn much if he pushed that advantage as hard as he could, though.
The lord watched his son commit to a double lunge, one sword stabbing at his eyes and the other at his right shin, which was his most exposed body part. The move was superbly timed, with the eye strike coming just enough before the other to potentially distract from defending the leg. Against an opponent less able to keep calm, it likely would have scored a wound, maybe even a crippling one. Recindril just leaned his head a few inches to the side to barely dodge the eye stab and swung his right sword low to deflect the other. In the same movement, he smoothly pivoted forward, moving inside his opponent's guard to bring his left sword forward in his first attack of the bout.
He moved a bare measured hair less quickly than he could have, turning what could have been an instant defeat for his son into an opportunity for learning and recovery; a kindness he would never show to an actual enemy, such as those upstarts, Carlos and Amber. Not that either of them would be an issue much longer. Their souls should be dissolved already by now, and he was expecting a report of mission completion from the Black Blades very soon. That report is actually overdue at this point. Could something have gone wrong?
Recindril's mind was suddenly forced back to the sparring match by a stinging vibration in his left hand, accompanied by twin clangs of his son's swords hitting his left sword on opposite sides, trapping it between them and twisting it out of his hand. An instant too late, he realized that his son's attack, while genuine, had also been intended to bait exactly the response he'd made. He immediately stepped back and held out his empty left palm. "I yield."
Recindren backed off, lowering both of his swords, and frowned. "What's wrong, father? That move should not have worked that well against you. You seem unusually distracted."
Lord Recindril sighed, then walked over to the side and placed his remaining practice sword back on its storage rack. "Your sister's incident in Dramos should have been tied up neatly by now, but the report is late. The Black Blades are usually very punctual and professional. An unexplained delay from them is concerning."
The younger man pressed his lips together in silence as he put his practice swords on the rack too. "Concerning, yes, but it's unlike you to let any incident with a mere minor house weigh on your mind like this."
"Yes, but… which house is it?" The lord retrieved his disarmed sword from where it had fallen and added it to the rack. "At first I attributed Jamar's ignorance of that detail to merely her not having memorized every minor house's children, but I do not recognize them either, by name or description, nor have I found them in our records. I find myself wondering exactly what house we have come into conflict with. Their ignorance of the rotation agreement also seems strange." He sighed again and shook his head. "There are too many oddities in the situation for comfort, and Jamar's report is light on detail."
"Could they be foreigners? Have you checked the Crown's records? Maybe send Jamar back to investigate?"
Lord Recindril let out an amused huff. "A foreign house is technically a possibility, but would be an utterly bizarre mix of competence and stupid carelessness. I think it unlikely, and I hesitate to risk drawing the Crown's attention to a matter where they might regard us as being in the wrong. As for sending Jamar…" He turned and walked to the practice yard's door. "Send someone to investigate, yes, but not Jamar. We need someone unrelated, who no one might recognize. Jamar will just have to wait for her next slot in the rotation."
"You know she'll hate that." Recindren spoke lightly, simply stating a fact as he joined his father's walk.
"It can't be helped. Besides, a lesson in patience might be good for her." Lord Recindril hesitated, then nodded decisively. "It would soon be time to hand off Dramos to the next house in rotation anyway. Come with me, my son, and we'll tell House Golarn our concerns. They'll want to investigate it themselves for the security of their own scion's visit, and their investigators will have no connection to us."
Recindren nodded. "Of course, father." He walked alongside his father as he thought and wondered. If the Black Blades simply failed, they should still have reported that by now. What could be delaying them?
___
Deep inside the royal palace, below ground in a hidden and warded room, Captain Granlan of the Black Blades examined his gauntleted hands as he slowly curled them into fists, released them, and turned them over. Small sparks crackled and danced over the surface of the enchanted steel armor, and he reveled in once again feeling how the substance of lightning subtly permeated everything. He grinned widely and turned his head to look at the royal mage standing next to him. "Ahhh, that feels much better. And just this morning, I was sitting in prison and wearing suppression cuffs."
"Her Highness ordered your supervised release. Therefore, we released you." The mage, despite being a foot shorter and half Granlan's width, somehow seemed to be looking down at him while dryly stating an explanation fit for a child. "Now, we've removed your suppression, cleaned you, and returned your equipment. Are you ready to start on the tasks required to earn the Crown's mercy?"
Granlan bowed slightly. "Of course I am. Which of them would you prefer to discuss first?"
"How you prevented the equipment of two royal guards from detecting your intrusion or signaling for aid."
"Hunting down the details that you want will likely be as difficult as proving my client's identity, unfortunately. I was telling the truth when I said I do not know the mechanics of how it worked. I just wasn't telling the entire truth." Granlan smiled a little cheekily, but the royal mage just glared at him. "We used single-use specialty enchanted items from an anonymous supplier. The items destroyed themselves when used, and I truly do not know who the supplier is. The Enchanters Guild is the obvious suspect, of course, but I looked into them many years ago and found not even a hint of any similar items in guild stores. The items are runic in the manner of guild-made enchantments, not dungeon-made; I know that much, at least. But either there is someone else who knows how to make enchanted items work, or the guild is keeping these items a closely held secret."
The royal mage continued glaring for a moment, then nodded in acknowledgement. "I see. This self-destruction was in the same manner as how the soul decoys spontaneously disintegrated? How did you come into contact with this mysterious supplier, and how do you get the items from them? Are you able to acquire more for us to examine? Have you ever shown one to a guild enchanter?"
"Yes, same as the soul decoys, which came from them too. I tried bringing an item from that supplier to an Enchanters Guild store once. The item disintegrated as soon as I came near the store, and I received an irate letter the next day, admonishing me to never try that again." Granlan shrugged. "I decided it wasn't worth the risk of potentially pissing off a valuable and irreplacable business partner, and stopped pursuing it. As for our history with them, they contacted me decades ago via the anonymous channels I had set up for potential clients to hire us through.
"They included a sample item as proof that they truly could make things that I had believed were impossible. Their message directed me to leave my response, with a sample of my mana signature, in a specific location where their own arrangements would get it to them. They wanted to be kept informed of what jobs I took and for what payment. In exchange, they offered to sell special items to me, for very reasonable prices, as needed to enable me to successfully complete jobs that suited their purposes and that would otherwise be impossible." Granlan raised a hand to ward off the mage's response. "And before you ask, no, I have no idea what their purposes are. They refused to say, and I see no apparent pattern in which jobs they have offered to help with."
"Hmm." The royal mage tilted his head in thought. "I take it you can't just request to buy an item, then. You have to tell them about a job you've been offered and wait to see if they're interested."
"Correct."
"What did you tell them about the job that brought you here? You were not aware that the guards you faced were the Crown's, I believe."
Granlan cracked his knuckles. "I wonder if perhaps my client was unaware of that fact as well." He shrugged. "In any case, I gave them all of the information that my client gave me. I told them the objective, that the targets were young nobles named Carlos and Amber of an unknown house, that they had two competent, professional, and well-equipped guards, and that they were staying at a high-quality inn in Dramos. My mysterious supplier responded with an offer of two soul decoys that would adjust to match their designated targets, plus an item that would subtly disrupt the sensing and communication capabilities of the guards' equipment. No idea how, that's just what they told me it would do."
The mage raised an eyebrow. "Soul decoys that can adjust to match a target after being made? And that do so without an enchanter working on it?" He shook his head. "Are such things typical of this… supplier of yours?"
"Honestly? Yes. After all the things I've seen from them by now, I didn't even blink at this one."
"Hmm." The mage chewed his lip. "We will have to be cautious. How would you suggest attempting to find or identify them? Have you given the matter thought over the years?"
"Send them a message about a new job, try to track it, and pray that my stealthy tracking capabilities can somehow beat whatever their countermeasures are. I considered my odds of success, or even of my attempt going unnoticed, to be rather dismal." Granlan crossed his arms and smirked challengingly. "I'm sure the Crown will have better odds, of course."
The mage laughed. "We do have rather considerable expertise available for the problem, even if it's not the Crown's specialty. Very well, we will prepare for that."
Granlan rolled his eyes. "Yes, yes, the Crown's specialty of utterly overwhelming force is undisputed and unchallenged. Now if you want to try the same sort of thing for proving that my client was House Tostral, we do have an opportunity for that too in a report I'm supposed to send, but time is running low for that. We'll have to get me back to my company before they declare me lost and my second-in-command sends his own report in my stead."
It was the mage's turn to smirk this time. "That will not be a problem. Just tell me where I need to teleport you to."
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We are planning a trip to Italy for 3 weeks in September. We have picked out some of the places we want to visit and how long we want to stay in each area. We love beaches and just strolling through towns. We are also huge foodies. We have never been to Italy and now I have been reading about spending less time in Sorrento/Amalfi region and more in Rome/Florence so I’m curious as to what people think of our current travel plans. I’m open to suggestions on what people think we absolutely must see while visiting! We do lose two days to travel to/from Italy.
Land in Naples - stay 2 nights, explore Naples. Anything we must see here??
Travel to and stay - Vico Equense as a base for 5 nights. From here we would like to visit Pompeii, Mt. Vesuvius, Capri, Bagni Regina Giovanna and we found a cool cooking class we may want to do in the area.
Travel to and stay in Furore - 2 nights. The B&B we have chosen is gorgeous, great reviews and awesome sea views. We plan to do the Path of the Gods hike here.
Travel to and stay in Rome - 2 nights. Colosseum and wander Rome a bit.
Travel to and stay in Florence - 3 nights. Uffizia art gallery, Pisa (and cinque terre tour?), Chianti wine tour, explore Florence.
Travel to and stay in Milan - 2 nights. Lake Como, explore Milan. Anything else we must see here?
Travel to and stay in Venice - 4 nights. Visit Murano and Burano, mercati di rialto, st Marks basilica. Anything else we need to see here?
Fly from Venice
Any suggestions are greatly appreciated!

Two days ago we unexpectedly had to say goodbye to the older of our two Frenchies and I have been dealing with a significant amount of grief since. I will give a "quick" backstory before I ask my question. If you are easily saddened, you can skip the story and go directly to the question at the end.
-----BACKSTORY BELOW
She had just turned 12, and while visibly looking white/grey in the face, she had always defied the number of her age, and was in seemingly perfect health (even with a recent annual vet checkup that produced no signs of worry). Great energy, eating/drinking, temperament, and physical ability. Great reflexes with throwing balls and being able to leap in the air, as well as jumping up and down on or off objects. No skin issues or joint pain, no limping or lack of vision/hearing. Her organs and vitals were all very healthy. Just a fantastic dog that seemed like she had years left in the tank.
Then in the early hours of the morning on April 21st she had a seizure. That day we took her to the vet, did bloodwork (which came back with no significant issues), and they said to monitor her for additional episodes or behavioural changes and to let them know ASAP. 10 days later she had another seizure. We took her back again and she was prescribed Phenobarbital (a sedative which reduces brain activity and can help manage seizures). She was impacted largely by this, being groggy and losing some coordination in her back legs.
My wife and I had an overseas trip quickly approaching in the middle of May that we had planned for a very long time, so we were very much hoping that the medication would work. Other than the effects on her coordination, there were no additional episodes, so it seemed like it was. We informed our dog sitter of what was happening, her required dosage, and we went on the trip. We checked in multiple times daily with the dog sitter to see how she was doing, and everything seemed to be going great. We received pictures and videos of her going on walks, laying in the sun, playing with her ball... all her favourite activities. The dog sitter even said that she had noticeably gained back her energy and even most of the missing coordination of her back legs! This really put us at ease and made us think that we had found a long term solution. We returned from our trip on May 28th and all seemed well: she was lively, spunky, and seemed to be adjusting well to the medication.
Then a few days later at 2:30 AM on June 1st, she had another seizure. We immediately called the vet when they opened in the morning and asked to get her in, which they were able to do that evening at 5:30 PM, so we stayed with her and monitored her all day. Ten hours later at 12:30 PM, another seizure. Three more between 3 and 5 PM. They were shorter and the recovery was quicker. We went to the vet to see if they could see us early. They took another blood sample and said to increase the dosage of Phenobarbital. Around 6:30 PM we went back home and gave her the increased dosage. Just after 7 PM, she had another, and this one seemed to have a bigger impact on her as well as a longer and more difficult recovery period than the others. We called the emergency vet that specializes in neurological care and told them what was going on. They said that we could come in and the current wait time was 3-4 hours, or we could wait at home and see if the increased dosage would help. We were so worried about putting her in an increased level of stress with new and unfamiliar environments filled with other animals that we chose to stay home with her toys, blankets, and familiar surroundings, hoping the increased medication would help. A couple hours went by with no episodes or negative activity and she seemed to be relaxing nicely. We all settled down in our bed in hopes of watching a TV show and being close together instead of standing around the house on pins and needles.
Shortly after we settled down, at 9:30 PM, she had one more seizure, and my wife and I decided it was time to go to the emergency vet. They triaged her immediately and got her set up in the back with IVs of electrolytes and an additional, new type of sedative (the name I unfortunately don't recall at the moment). After about an hour, we spoke to ER vet and she gave us some options of what the next day or two would look like, and said she recommended to keep her there for 24-48 hour monitoring and seizure watch with this medical intervention and see how she does. During this conversation, the vet was called out of the meeting. She returned back what seemed like 20 or 30 minutes later to inform us that our Frenchie had yet another seziure, and the ER team reacted immediately to assist. They changed her sedative IV from a single dose to a constant drip. She said that without confirming through advanced imaging scans, it was very likely that they were dealing with a brain tumor. Their plan over the next 24 hours was to slowly reduce the medication every 6 hours and see how she reacted. We agreed to have her stay there, did the paperwork, and they said they would call at 10 AM with a wellness update, and that a call at any other time would mean a noteworthy development. We went back home around 2 AM.
At 7 AM we received a call. The ER vet said that for the last couple of hours she had developed a consistent, patterned vocalization that was unable to be stopped, and that she was distinctly changing in demeanour. They recommended we come in to talk about what our options were. We arrived just after 7:30 AM and spoke with the vet, who said that it was unlikely that she would return to what we classified as "normal", there would be a significant drop in quality of life, and without substantial medication or medical intervention. She gave us time to talk about what our next steps forward are, and my wife and I agreed that we faced the unbearable reality that we only had one option left. They moved us to a private room and we got to visit with her one last time. Just after 9:30 AM on June 2nd, she passed.
-----BACKSTORY ABOVE
(I didn't mean for the backstory to be that long, but as I was typing it I realized that I haven't yet been able to share with anyone what had happened. I apologize for the length.)
The sudden loss of our Frenchie has hit me hard. Really hard. In the last 15 years I have probably cried once or twice. I have been crying for two days straight. Nothing excites me, I haven't and don't want to smile, I don't want to eat, and I look forward to nothing. I feel as though our dog had so much life left to life and that was taken from her. She had the best disposition and was always happy and up for adventure. She loved being outdoors, loved exploring, and always wanted to extend her walks. She wasn't a potato on a bed sleeping her life away, she loved being alive and making the most of the day with activities and adventure. Her character and everything from the neck down wasn't ready. It wasn't her time yet. I am so saddened and angry that she didn't get to experience all her favourite things for years more let alone one more time. It wasn't a slow deterioration where we could see the writing on the wall and prepare ourselves. It all changed so quickly, so fast. On the evening of May 31st we were playing with her ball, going on sunny walks, and enjoying the outdoors together as a family. She was gone on the morning of June 2nd.
It may be worth mentioning that our Frenchie was a joint acquisition, and was originally my wife's idea. She was brought in to create and kickstart our family while we were already together, and if anything her presence in our lives is credited to my wife, not me.
Here's my question:
My wife has dealt with this much, much better than I have, substantially so. Within a day she has returned to talking to her friends, laughing at Instagram videos, watching TV shows, and even going back to work. I asked her how she could return to normal so quickly and she said she had been preparing for this for some time, unbeknownst to me, so to her this wasn't a complete surprise. Me on the other hand, this was a complete shock and a devastating series of events. I thought we had years left together, and that even though she was on medication, she would be able to have a good quality of life and live out her days until her body started to fail. My mind is a complete black cloud with no energy or will to do... anything. I can't get the images of our Frenchie's last moments out of my head in that private room together. The final expression on her face, covering her body up and wheeling her out for the last time. Seeing her beds, toys, jackets, and food bowls at home send me into a brutal spiral of sadness.
My wife has been supportive of my demeanour, but her words aren't helping me because I feel as though they're coming from a place that I'm not at. Seeing her back to normal so quickly after such a sudden loss is off-putting, in a way. It potentially makes my sadness even deeper. Does that make sense? Is this normal? It feels as though this is all just a bad dream, and that this isn't real. I felt as though I would never be happy again, but I know that's not true. I don't see myself getting back to my regular habits any time soon. I love our other Frenchie dearly, but seeing or being with her does not help the sadness at all. It's not the same as she has a very different character, and it does not fill the gaping void left in my heart. I tried looking for pet memorial items online, and I just break down uncontrollably when I see them. I am so just so, so sad.
I have looked up and read articles and blogs on the grieving/mourning process, and I know that these things take time. The biggest obstacle for me is that I feel no support from my greatest source of support, my wife, due to her quick emotional rebound. I would appreciate any insights from those who know better or who have gone through something like this before. Apologies for the length of this post. Thank you.

In keeping with the reddit dynamics, perhaps this post should be titled "I have 3 years to train for an Ironman, is it possible?". Reports from some of my previous races, including the first race 3 years ago can be found by tracing back the links.

Sign up

As the previous race in September I left with a good feeling. Having now done a fast (~BQ) Marathon, a >300km bike event and a well executed middle distance triathlon, I figured doing a full Ironman was within reach. The ideal race would be before the summer holidays - when kids are at home and regular training gets trickier, within driving distance, preferably flat (don't want to make it harder than necessary) and maybe with a small preference for an Ironman organized race. This quickly whittled the candidates down to Ironman Hamburg, and I signed up about 10 days after the previous race report. The race sold out quickly, so not dabbling was probably a good move. I found out later a friend from the tri club had done pretty much the same maths, and signed up for the same race, so at least I wouldn't be going solo.

Preparation

I followed the TrainerRoad Long Distance - Low Volume plan, with the swimming workouts replaced by those from my tri club or a group session with a swim coach, and the initial running training replaced by a marathon plan targeting a race end of March. My swimming CSS improved by a few seconds compared to last year, but after the lessons I mostly started focusing on longer, slower workouts, and it wouldn't surprise me if I lost a lot of that speed already. In any case, a fast swim was not really the main goal this year. I did several workouts >=3.5km, neither of which felt hard at the leisurely pace I was maintaining. Open water swimming restarted about 3 weeks before the race, and I was able to get 3 long OWS in as well.
The running buildup had a hitch when a sequence of a kid getting sick, myself getting sick, and a week of exceptionally bad weather meant a 3 week gap in the training. I was never able to recover from this and my training paces never reached those of last near. But same thing, running a faster marathon was not really the main goal and I got enough long sessions in.
The biking buildup went as before, hammering out TR sessions in the gaps in my schedule, but also with a hitch: normally I'd do long endurance rides on Sunday with the tri club, exactly what the plan asked for anyway, but my kids started doing sports on Sunday, so often those would be replaced by shorter indoor sessions. This did worry me a bit, because a long bike session - 180km to be precise - was a main goal this year. Around new year, I swapped the tri bike onto the trainer and did pretty much every workout that was sufficiently below FTP in the TT position.
Nearing the race, I did get some longer 120-130km rides in, including on the TT bike. Experience from the 300km event last year also said that as long as overall bike fitness was good, going longer wasn't really an issue as long as wattage was lowered appropriately. So I figured it should be fine going in with most fitness coming from 1.5h TR workouts, but I didn't exactly feel super confident either.
I never really had problems running after biking, so I skipped the brick workouts favoring recovery, doing just a single one, which went just fine.

Tune up events

The week of the marathon I got sick with the flu or a cold, but recovered enough by Saturday that I decided to run the event anyway. This was not a good idea. Already at the first gel I could feel that my digestion system was still seriously fubar, and that the on pace part wasn't going to go over 25-30km. Things got worse as it turned into a walk between all the porta-pottys in the race. I finished in over 4h. One of the worst feelings was being passed first by the 3h30 pacer, followed by the 3h45 pacer, the 4h pacer, and then having people behind that encourage me "you can do it". I was thinking "I know, I can do it an hour faster than you even!" but that didn't get me across the line any faster.
The opportunity to do a 32km/1000m vertical trail race showed up end of April, far enough from Hamburg to not impact that. According to trail runners, that's equivalent to a marathon, and looking at my finish time I largely have to agree with that. I took it easy, basically substituting a long run in the schedule. Funnily enough, the person toeing the starting line next to me looked awfully familiar. I have to say that the fitness of good trail runners is quite something, and it's kind of interesting to even see more heavily built people pulling away from you on the uphills. I might do more of these in the future.
The third tune-up event was a 120km gravel ride. Due to the extremely consistent rainfall this year (another thing that didn't help a good biking buildup), it was more of a cross-country cyclocross race, and the people who brought MTB to that race had good fun. The ones on actual gravel bikes, less so. People with the bike skills of a triathlete whose idea of a gravel bike was to mount 32mm tires with knobs on their road bike...mostly spent their time tumbling over in the mud. At least I didn't break anything. The ordeal ended up taking over 5h30, but finess-wise it wasn't an issue: 232W NP over the duration, partly from VO2max efforts after each fall to make it back to the groups.
You know what else was expected to take around 5h30?

Mechanicals and nerves

So far all my races have been on the assumption that a flat might as well be a DNF, but with the time and money invested in this one, I practiced changing tubes on the TT bike. I noticed the front tire had a long valve, and the back one a valve extender (this was a second hand bike so likely not the factory default by Canyon), which meant that I would need to pack 2 different spares, or get valve core removal tool, or something. Instead I put the same valve extender on front as in the back. I initially bought a Topeaks thing, which sucked - as all the reviews that I neglected to read were saying - so I ended up buying a Vittoria one that matched the back tire. It's still a bit fiddly to inflate, but works and came with a core removal tool.
The second ride, I went over a cobblestone street and before the end my saddle had dropped to the lowest position. As far as I knew, I'd tightened my saddle to spec when I did the setup on this bike a year ago, so I was baffled as to what went wrong, and seriously worried this would happen in Hamburg leading to a DNF. At some point it turned into paranoia as I imagined (or not) that my saddle dropped again after a workout. I ended up putting a sticker so at the very least I could quickly readjust it back if needed, and detect when it did drop.
As you gathered by now, the build-up was less than perfect and not according to the ideal plan, but I'm an Age Grouper with a job and kids, so how could it ever be? Yet some things were really starting to make me nervous, particularly the lack of outdoor TT rides. When I finally got one in, I noticed that my neck hurt like hell. It turns out that while training indoors I specifically used TT position and even put stuff on the TV to force me to hold my head up, riding in traffic requires just a bit more look-ahead and I wasn't ready for that.
Sleep is one of the most important things for a triathlete, and the 2 weeks before the race I didn't get much. I can't explain why, but despite understanding the importance I couldn't get myself to bed. One night in the final week when I did get in reasonably on time, I jumped awake at 3am with the realization I should add my wife's baking scale to the list of things to pack, and then lay awake for a few more hours pondering over whether I'd remember that in the morning. Brains suck.
After the last outdoor practice session, I put my bike back on the trainer for the last taper workouts, and my Di2 gearing rattled and jumped all over. WTF? I was able to adjust it through Shimano's app, but to this day I have no idea how that suddenly went wrong. My best guess is I tapped the derailleur when mounting or dismounting the wheel.

Arrival

Travel to Hamburg was fairly smooth over the Autobahns and I arrived Friday evening, unfortunately just too late for early registration. I met up with my buddy and we signed in Saturday morning. In the shop, we were considering whether to buy some Ironman swag before we'd actually finished the race. My friend formed a plan to instruct his companions to go and get the gear when he started round 3. I decided to tempt fate and bought a hat and an IM Hamburg t-shirt with all the participants' names on it. There was another IM Hamburg shirt in a nicer color, without the names...and it said "IM70.3" on the back. Nice try, Ironman, but I doubt they sold a lot.
The venue is in the middle of the city center and there's tons of eating places and food courts nearby. I looked for a place serving the most average looking pasta possible. The city itself looked very cool to visit, and if it hadn't been such a long drive I'd have told my family to come over.
I wanted to do the test swim to alleviate my nerves a bit and get a feel for the water conditions. My buddy didn't want to as he argued it would make the wetsuit harder to get in the next day. Tests swim went fine - if very short - and I noticed the water had zero visibility - just as I'm used to in my home pond.
Upon bike check-in I noticed a service tent in transition that had a toolbox with large Canyon stickers over it, and a tech with a Canyon t-shirt. Normally I wouldn't want anyone fiddling with my bike the day before the race, but the saddle paranoia still hadn't abated and I figured that if anyone would know how to properly deal with it, it'd be a Canyon tech. He explained that the saddle needed paste inside for friction (people in the tri club had told me this in the mean time, but it's not like I had it lying around), and also that the screw itself should be lubricated else a torque wrench will give a false reading. Aha?Whatever it be, my saddle mounting got a complete overhaul and I felt at least the 700 EUR I paid to Ironman was good for something. The sticker from earlier came in handy, though the tech did point out the Canyon saddlepost has a measurement scale on it.
I brought my own torque wrench on race morning to check that the screw had indeed been tightened to max spec. That's paranoia for you.

Final prep

My nutrition plan for this race was starting out with a set of 3 bottles, each with 100g sugar, 1 tbps citric acid, 10g maltodextrose and 10g of Isostar for taste, with extra caffeine in the first few bottles. This is super cheap, works well for me, and easily gets a ton of calories in with no digestive issues. I filled another set of 3 to put in the special needs bag. I figured I really only needed 4 total, but why not 2 sets of 3 just in case you lose a bottle somewhere. For the run it was Maurten. I brought my own even though it was actually the on-course nutrition, mostly don't like to rely on external factors.
Weather prediction was overcast, windy, 19-20C with perhaps the sun breaking through in the afternoon. The latter did not end up happening, which probably nobody minded as it'd have made the run harder.
Went to bed at 18h, expecting to wake up at 4am and do a final attempt at recovering sleep. At 21h30, my wife called me (as an emergency contact she can call through mute...) to wish me good luck.

Racing

After pumping up my (latex) tubes on race morning and managing to offload my pump to my friend's friends, I put on my wetsuit, which was a bit more resistant than normal (remember what my buddy said?) and put my feet straight through the ankle rubber. Fantastic.
We went to the starting zone for the 1:15-1:25 swim group and mostly stood around sipping some nutrition and waiting for quite a while as most of the ~2300 participants went into the water in groups of 3. We saw a few people yell for the kayaks after a few hundred meters.
Hit the water and got into my stroke very quickly. Despite the water being 19.5C I felt a bit cold and upped to pace a little to warm up. The swim course in Hamburg is very cool as you swim out of the smaller lake, under the bridge, onto the large lake, around the buoys, back through the other side of the bridge, back on the other side of the small lake, then past the start until one of the interior canals where you get out.
Despite swimming quite wide off the buoys I got elbowed a few times, and gave a shove back for the most blatant case. Guess not everyone is used to swimming in zero visibility. Swim was otherwise uneventful. I got passed by someone backstroking, but also passed a ton of breaststrokers (being a bit optimistic about our starting corral are we?). Exited the water with a satisfied feeling in about 1h25. The swim appears to have been long at ~3950m.

Bike

I took the time for a bathroom break in transition, wiggling like a contortionist out of my aerosuit (maybe next time keep it down for the swim to save time?). Got the socks on, even put on gloves which I don't normally do while racing, but as I didn't care for the time, why not. Walked to the bike very leisurely through a transition that was measured by my Garmin as 800m long (!).
To my pleasure, and despite the huge field, there was very little crowding on the bike course, and for the most part even as a MOP Age Grouper it was possible to pass according to the rules. No bike packs that I saw. This being Germany I expected perfect asphalt but that was a bit too optimistic, and some zones did need to be taken out of the bars. I planned to roughly hold around ~205W NP (70% FTP), in the end I was a bit low - as in previous races - at around 195W. I did not feel any soreness from holding TT position and was able to spend very long periods in aero. Given that I was pretty far back after my swim, I started rapidly passing people.
There was one notable section, that started with a feeling as if you were full on in the wind, and then turned what felt no more than 30-35 degrees, after which I was able to average >42km/h with ~200W. Maybe the initial feeling was deceptive and this was really wind in the back, or some other aero effect was going on, but in any case flying like this was a lot of fun.
I saw a lot, and I do really mean A LOT of people on tri bikes that were on their bullhorns. On a pancake flat course. In reasonably strong winds. Don't do this. For the love of god. Raise your bars, whatever, but don't do this. The speed differential here was very large and it wasn't as much passing as flying by people.
At some point a referee on the motorbike came next to me, and whistled so hard I almost fell off of my bike, wondering what I'd done. Drafting? Unlikely. Blocking? Also unlikely. Littering? I have all my bottles. (Virtual) centerline violation? That's possible, but that'd be a DQ. Just as I was about to ask, I noticed the referees' eyes were not on me, but just slightly off to the side. I turned around and found a rather embarrassed person sitting right behind my wheel. So, kudos to the organization for even enforcing the rules for random age groupers!
I mostly felt great during the bike, superman on wheels, passing about 300 people. After 160km of biking, I did start to get a bit sore, and had to go out of aero more often, and the legs didn't feel as fresh anymore, so at this point speed dropped just a little bit.
Taking in carbs went really well, but 4 x 750ml bottles and not a lot of sweating meant 2 extra pee stops, which did hurt the overall bike split a bit. And no, I'm not going to do the obvious to save time here just yet.

Run

Swapped the bike out for the racing shoes, and off we go. I set my pace for the marathon between 5:20 and 5:40 ish based on a random VDOT table I found on Slowtwitch, forcing myself to keep it easy. Out of transition everyone immediately ran way from me, I checked my watch, and I was already at 5:10 pace. Running at 5:20 felt kind of boring, but that wouldn't last very long.
The run felt really good as well, though unfortunately this was the least attractive part of the course. You basically run through the city park (picking up some small rocks in your shoes on the way), halfway into a residential streets, through a 180, and back again to the next street. The finish section is nicely placed in front of the church square but the rest is nothing special. I guess they didn't want to close down major parts of a huge German city for an entire day just for us, but sob. It makes it easy on the spectators though. You can also see the people from the other direction, and I saw that my buddy was reduced to walking, which encouraged me to try to catch him. When I did, I only then noticed he had an extra bracelet and was a lap ahead, and I'd only just unlapped myself. Small mental hit there. Still, just by still running you pass tons and tons of people and I still felt great.
After a bit more than 2h and after 2 gels, I noticed that they weren't going down very well any more and needed to make a choice whether to force down another one and maybe throw up, or stop eating and inevitably bonk. I guessed than bonking would be the least unpleasant choice, and also less likely to draw unwanted attention from medical staff (lest they pull me from the course), so I stopped eating. After about 30km pace went down to about 6:30 with small sections of walking, and I no longer felt like superman. Kilometers sure feel even longer when you take them at 6:30 instead of 5:20.
I rang the bell, heard my name called out (though I think I didn't hear the "You are an Ironman"), and crossed the line, satisfied. Said hello to my friend who finished earlier. Ran back to the medical tent for a barf bag, that turned out to be unnecessary because my stomach was empty (another "benefit" of bonking?). They offered me to lie down a bit in a bed, and it was an attractive offer that I took up. Everyone was shaking of cold and they were handing out blankets, I'm not sure if that's because of the wind, if it's a normal thing after a full, or it's the combination of both.
Finish time was around 11:30, smack in the middle of the field. My marathon time at 4h was faster than the standalone marathon earlier this year, but that isn't saying much. It was the best leg split compared to the rest of the field, so it's definitely about who keeps running the longest.

Closing thoughts

• I'm an Ironman(R)(TM), hell yeah.
• 3 years is enough time to train for one even if you miss a workout or two.
  • The thing that experience also gets you is learning to bring a pair of old shoes/slippers to the start, to cut the Ironman wristband so it doesn't hang over your powermeter, to tighten all your bolts, and so on.
• I still think setting a <<5h time in a 70.3 is harder than just finishing a 140.6, fight me.
  • The main difference is that if things go bad, they go much worse because the badness will last twice as long.
• I have a few nutrition issues to work out like reducing the amount of liquids in colder weather to avoid excessive pee stops. I have no idea what to do for the run as both my best and worst performances were with the exact same nutrition.
• Racing at times feels like being a project and logistics manager: playing Tetris with schedules to make workouts fit with work and family life (definitely much worse for full distance!), planning to get all the right equipment at the right time in the right place, and dealing with contingencies.
• IM Hamburg is a nice city, nice venue and nice and fair race, and I recommend it.
• I guess I can keep my hat.

I think Imu is a fishperson
With the recent reveals we know that the war from the ancient kingdom has risen the sea levels at least 200m and the obvious question is why has no fishman ever acknowledged that there are large remnants of civilizations in water they should easily be swimming.
Following this train of thought I was wondering why Fishmen were considered lesser beings than the land dwellers, even as far back as Arlong we knew how naturally powerful they were on land and completely unmatched in combat under the water to most people so why would the WG put so much effort into placing them in a lower caste system when they could easily be high strength enforcers for the navy, it seems reasonable that the WG doesn't want to give any credibility to Fishpeople so if they did rise to any power they would be distrusted about these sunken cities.
Next I considered what kind of beings would be okay with the world flooding, the easy answer is people who would be the least affected. Skypians and other Sky Islanders can fly so even if there is less land they have the Sky Islands and can probably settle on parts of the Red Line. Being atop the Red Line is a great defense for the residents of Mary Geoise however with every incident that raises the sea levels it gives more domain to the Fishpeople and no where else for them to go besides the Red Line especially if they're devil fruit users. Then there's the Fishpeople, they have no downside for the loss of land to water, their strength is even better while in the water.
I then considered the best kept secret in one piece, the void century, in 900 years we have a few possible conclusions about what Imu knows about Laugth Tale. The first is somehow during the war and since Imu has never been able to find Laugh Tale, a possible answer but if they hadn't found it why didn't they have their forces out looking for it or gathering the Road Poneglyphs to know where the one thing that could reveal everything they want hidden is. Secondarily and more likely Imu knows where Laugh Tale is and until recently didn't have the means to destroy it but raises the question why they didnt have the final poneglyph moved to a secure location unless Laugh Tale already is the secure location and the road poneglyphs aren't directions to a specific point but instructions how to find it because it is not always in the same place and the road poneglyphs were created for Imu to go back to the location as there are other artifacts stored there. Or third Imu knows where it is and cannot move it so has guards waiting but without some means of communication with them it's almost as useless as leaving the island empty and open means of communication would include logistics for supplies making it more of a WG base than a secret to the world.
To consider second theory Imu that has 1 found Laftale, and 2 purposely placed or left an indestructible object that reveals a secret history there, what kind of being would be in the most advantageous position to hide objects immensely important to them at an island in a rapidly sinking world. Definitely would not be a DF user, even if the only thing on the island is the Poneglyph it would put Imu at the mercy of whoever they sent to protect or get the stone for actual retrieval and as we now know Imu's top lieutenants, the Gorosei, aren't completely human and seem to have an aversion to water with Saturn boomeranging back to Luffy after being thrown being careful not to hit the sea so the second best would probably be someone like an Admiral but all of them are DF users as well, there is the possibility of sending Gods Knights but they are currently a bit of an unknown force which again Imu and the Gorosei would have to hope would accomplish any tasks without someone who can follow up on them.
Considering that the island may one day be underwater it would make the most sense that someone that has the ability to swim would be the only ones capable of reaching the poneglyph on laugh tale, thus stopping any DF users and why the Fishpeople would be direct threats so to place them as lesser beings if they did ever find it and was able to understand the poneglyph would put them at a disadvantage to share the true history.
Why would Imu need to visit Laugh tale? According to Roger it contains "everything the world has to offer" I propose that it is much more than just the Pirate King's treasure and a history book, it may be the place that Imu left all of the things from the void century that they wanted to keep for a later date but didn't want to leave out for others to get, so they made it the most secure treasure trove in the world because the instructions to get there are nearly impossible to get.
Humans, Fishmen, probably even Skypians can swim so why couldnt Imu be an almost normal human, skypean, or fishman is a next question. Skypians through Enels cover story appear to have come from and brought their technology from space, if Imu was part of that group why didn't they send the Ponyglyph back to the moon or just outer space in general, the world the WG created would never have the technology to get up there without Imu and the Gorosei knowing so I believe that didn't happen because Imu was incapable of making that happen. A human is a possibility but they lack the flight of the Sky islanders, if the world flooded they would be completely at the mercy of the RedLine, every use of the ancient weapon would be against their best interests and while during the void century could have been a necessary evil why lose ground to test it on Lulusia an island that was more of a tick on the WG's back when they might need the land later. Then there's Fishpeople, the sinking of the world wouldn't bother a Fishperson, getting to a non-stationary or sunken island would be much easier alone as a Fishperson so it would be a good place for a Fishperson to hide it.
Why would a Fishperson subjugate other Fishpeople? Simply because they would be the greatest threat, they know about the sunken cities, they would be excellent swimmers and live under water so would be most likely to be able to find Laugh Tale if accidentally, they would be an immediate threat to the WG and would need to be diminished, distracted, or otherwise inconvenienced so they could not form more independent nations and scholars that could more easily and stealthily explore the sea without the WG interference.

2024 MLB record: 36-15-1
Last POTD: Baltimore Orioles v Toronto blue jays over 7.5 W
Today's POTD: Miami Marlins ML +102
Baseball. MLB. 6:40 PM EST
Our first win of June was relatively sweat-free! At plus odds too! Now let's get another streak going. Today I am taking The Miami Marlins, also at plus odds to beat the Rays in Miami.
I love this line so much. It is going largely under the radar that Miami's offense has been much improved and also how anemic Tampa's have been. In the past three weeks the Marlins rank 5th in home batting average (.279), 10th vs right handers (.256), and 4th at night (.266). They don't have nearly as good numbers on their contrary splits, not in the top 10 in any of them.
The Rays' last three week road splits are ok. 18th in the league at .235. Their night splits are pretty awful though. 28th in the league at .194. Now obviously they aren't going to lose every night game as a result but their lefty splits in conjunction with that are what have me more confident. They are 29th with .193.
Pitching matchup, we have Ryan Pepiot. He has done well in his two away starts this year and about the same at day/night. He is on a rough stretch right now though with a 6.17 ERA in his last three starts. I think with how well the Marlins have been hitting I think they will at least be able to put up a few runs on him.
On the Marlins side we have lefty Jesus Luzardo. I have already gone over how much Tampa has been struggling with lefties, but Luzardo has been particularly good over the last month or so. Prior to his last start where he let up a not even bad 3 runs in 6 innings, he let up a combined 4 in his previous 4 starts over 25.2 innings. The Marlins once shitty bullpen is also much improved as of late with an overall 2.65 ERA over the last three weeks which is 6th best in the league and .221 batting average against tied for 7th in the league with the Yankees and Dodgers.
TLDR: Marlins offense has been performing well vs righties, at home, and at night. Rays have been batting under .200 both at night and vs lefties. Pepitot is struggling lately and would be hard-pressed to dominate the Marlins offense with the way they've been hitting right-handers at home. Miami's bullpen has actually been top 10 in baseball over the past three weeks, much more than they were earlier in the season when they garnered a reputation for being terrible
Tip Jar: chuteboxhero on cashapp and paypal (DM for venmo)
POTD spreadsheet https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1a40e93JCM3xGSHulhuPZQICFJ4hjo5bapyfwuSmEyLw/edit#gid=1131268657

Hello All,
I have an idea in mind to have a legit Pro-Am squad and if you're too impatient to read all of this, I already know you aren't the right fit.
Here's what I am thinking.
I would prefer PS users (ability to be in a party chat). I am not interested in how many points you average; I need about 7 players who are interested in playing TEAM first basketball. As a real-life youth coach, I understand Rome wasn't built in a day. So, I am also inviting novice and considering noobs with a certain level of potential.
Don't be shy, I have played with dozens of noobs who turned out to be good because they wanted to learn. Unfortunately, once they got good and confident, they left to be the star player elsewhere, which is also fine. This isn't a contract LOL
We would use the REC as practice. However, if we have 10 on at the same time, we could use the Gatorade gym (to do some rough run throughs) for a few 5v5 practices. So be prepared to take a lot of lumps as we figure out what works for us. I have added a few pics of the team theme to hopefully persuade some of you who want to look dope LOL
We will lose (a lot) to start. But the idea is to find strategy and plays that work for US and perfect them. If I still have your attention, then here are the things I'd like to know about you if you are interested.

• How many builds do you have and the overall of each
• Positions you are able to play (please be realistic)
• Shooting percentages (both FG & 3pt)
• Average of Assist
• Average of Rebounding
• Strongest build type (the one you love using the most)

Suggestions of things I think make stronger candidates.

• Having at least one backcourt build and a front court build
• Having a desire to play with a goal beyond scoring 20+ a game
• Having earned (or bought this year) all of your floor setters.
• Interest in finding new builds/positions

If this sounds like you, send me a DM with your gamer tag. I'll start by running a few rec games with you to see if you are the PERSON I want on the squad. Hell, you might not like me as a person LOL. Look forward to hearing from some of you!
https://preview.redd.it/wu6hgtj88l4d1.jpg?width=3840&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=715f1519a1ae77f9a1842ee13f2adc384a975e65
https://preview.redd.it/fo18lsj88l4d1.jpg?width=3840&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e2df9c4e20fafa9f2fb497b81496299fb93e43ea
https://preview.redd.it/tgcdptj88l4d1.jpg?width=2880&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=31e566891feeae4402a01ab5e9a150b729a0d9ca

As I said in my post, I'll be sharing resources with you all since I'm no longer going to be as active here.
Links to to publisher page:
Still Sick
Citrus
Citrus+
Pulse
Bloom Into You
The Moon on a Rainy Night
The Magical Revolution of the Reincarnated Princess and the Genius Young Lady
The Guy She Was Interested In Wasn't a Guy at All
Girl Friends
Hana & Hina After School
Our Teachers are Dating!
Does It Count if Your First Time Is With an Android?
Whispering You a Love Song
My Cute Little Kitten
Vampeerz
I Can't Say No to the Lonely Girl
Adachi to Shimamura
The Witch's Marriage
A Witch’s Love at the End of the World
Monologue Woven For You
Asumi-chan Is Interested In Lesbian Brothels!
I Love You so Much, I Hate You
I Married My Female Friend
Kiss and White Lily for My Dearest Girl
Even If It Was Just Once, I Regret It
Murcielago
She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat
Useless Princesses
The Summer You Were There
If I Could Reach You
Cheerful Amnesia
Happy Sugar Life
The Two Of Them Are Pretty Much Like This
Monthly in the Garden with My Landlord
All of Humanity Is Yuri Except for Me
There's No Way I Can Have a Lover! *Or Maybe There Is!?
The Sheep Princess in Wolf's Clothing
I Married My Best Friend to Shut My Parents Up
Breasts Are My Favorite Things in the World
My Girlfriend's Not Here Today
Catch These Hands
Handsome Girl and Sheltered Girl
I'm in Love with the Villainess.
How Do I Turn My Best Friend Into My Girlfriend?
Assorted Entanglements
I Don't Know Which One is Love
Kiss the Scars of the Girls
Scarlet
Chasing Spica
Beauty And The Beast Girl
Yuri Is My Job!
Yuri Espoir
5 Seconds Before a Witch Falls in Love
ROLL OVER AND DIE: I Will Fight for an Ordinary Life with My Love and Cursed Sword!
Superwomen in Love! Honey Trap and Rapid Rabbit
Throw Away the Suit Together
GUNBURED x SISTERS
Yuri Life
Donuts Under A Crescent Moon
After Hours
Run Away With Me, Girl
Goodbye, My Rose Garden
Hello, Melancholic!
School Zone Girls
The Girl I Want is So Handsome
Namekawa-san Won't Be Bullied
Futari Escape
Qualia the Purple
Even Though We're Adults
Otherside Picnic
Futaribeya
Yuri Bear Storm
Strawberry Fields Once Again
Sirius - Twin Star
How Do We Relationship?
A White Rose in Bloom
Akuma No Riddle
Black and White: Tough Love at the Office
Days of Love at Seagull Villa
NTR: Netsuzou Trap
Kase-san and Morning Glories
How Do We Relationship?

I wrote the GMAT Focus exam for the first time last month and scored 705. My goal was to crack the 99th percentile which I just squeezed with a score of 705 (I'm not sure if this will be brought down to the 98th percentile once percentiles are updated in the next few months).
My performance by section was as follows:

• Quantitative Reasoning: 85 (89th percentile)
• Verbal Reasoning: 84 (91st percentile)
• Data Insights: 86 (99th percentile)

I wrote the test in the order above and took a water break between Verbal and DI. My GMAT Preparation journey began on April 1st when I wrote Mock Exam #1 on the MBA.com website. Here I scored a 615 as my baseline startpoint. I did notably worse on the quant section which I wasn't expecting going into the mock since I thought math would be my strong suit. Being a business major, I haven't had any math-related courses for the past 4 years of my Bachelor's program which I guess had made me a bit rusty with certain topics.
Based on the mock results, I decided to initiate preparation using TargetTestPrep. TTP was highly recommended to me for its quantitative preparation so I decided to opt for the flexible preparation plan which would give me 1 month access + 5 days of free access. I used the accelerated option on TTP mostly because I was impatient, but also because I felt I was already strong at certain topics. As I did the topics, I would go back to the chapters for my weaker topics and read those lessons properly. For me, this included Statistics and Probability, Combinations and Permutations, and General Work Problems. After about 20 days of 3-4 hours of focused daily study time, I had been through all the topics. This didn't mean that I had completed every question since I would stop after I scored 80%+ on hard questions for a certain topic. With the last 2 weeks of my subscription, I would create custom tests of questions that I had gotten wrong or questions that I had not done yet. This was a feature of TTP that I liked a lot since it allowed me to address certain pain points and continue to stay sharp with all the topics. With the plethora of topics that you are required to know for the quant section of the GMAT Focus exam, the structured approach of TTP was super helpful to stay organized, deliberate in my approach, and prevented me from getting overwhelmed.
After my TTP membership expired, I decided to write my second mock on MBA.com and this time around I scored 695. I felt quite good after this and decided to book my GMAT Focus exam for May 17, which would give me about a week before the exam. In between this time, I wrote Official Mocks 3-5 to get comfortable with concentrating for 2.25 hours. Especially for the Verbal and DI Sections, I noticed that my performance came down to how well I could focus as I had the foundation required to solve the questions, yet sometimes I would lose focus in some of the bloated and overly wordy passages. I scored 625 on Mock 3, 685 on Mock 4, and 775 on Mock 5. With these significant fluctuations in the mocks that I was doing two days apart from each other, it was evident to me that I had the ability to get a really good score, I would just need to be in the right mindset on exam day. With 2 days remaining until the exam, I decided to just take it easy and only do a few questions on GMAT Club since I didn't want to go into the exam feeling burnt out, especially after a week's span of doing mocks every other day.
On the test day, I got there about an hour early so that I would not need to worry. I felt quite calm and relaxed on this day (thanks to two days of taking it easy after a month of grind).
During the exam:

• The quant section felt similar in difficulty to the Official Mocks. There was a question very early on that I didn't know how to answer but I was able to keep my composure and move on from it and complete the remainder of the section with focus.
• During the verbal section, the types of texts and questions were quite similar to the Official Mocks as well however I felt like I was beginning to slip in focus during the last quarter of this section which led to some avoidable mistakes.
• I focused on taking deep breaths and recalibrating during my 10-minute break and came into the DI section with a rejuvenated focus. This section was by far the most different from the mocks that I had done. There were certain data sufficiency questions that were pure verbal reasoning questions which threw me off since I had somehow never come across these types in any mocks. I was able to manage my emotions through this unfamiliarity and finish the section nevertheless.

Results and Final Takeaways:

• After seeing my score breakdown, I was surprised to see that I scored best in Data Insights as this section felt the most unfamiliar during the test. This taught me the importance of staying present during the exam and not worrying about how you are doing so far. You don't know until it is done, and that presence will help you get what you deserve.
• Mentality truly is the key to performance on this exam. For example, I was scared to mess up on the quant section since I knew how every wrong question brought the score down significantly. This fear led to momentary panic when I didn't know how to solve question 3. Had I not built up that pressure of getting everything right in this section, I would have approached this question with a level head and potentially could have gotten around to solving it.
• I began the prep journey at the beginning of April and it concluded on May 16 with the exam. I do feel that I could do even better after having gone through the experience once however I don't plan on applying for MBA schools for at least a few years since I only recently got my Bachelor's Degree. Depending on how the percentile ranking change over the next few years and if I'm feeling up for it, I may write the exam once more before applying to my target MBA schools. For now, I'm feeling content and grateful that I was able to reap the rewards of my efforts by achieving the score I aimed for.

I have this question in my mind that's circling back and front and to this day when I look at gaming in general and the dev teams, just who the hell thinks these are good decisions overall?
Remember the peak gaming experience of your life? That's what was for me when Marvel's Spider-Man 1 came out. In fact, the whole 2018 was a peak on my book and also a continuing downfall of gaming in general.
RDR2 God Of War Detroit: Become Human Assasins Creed Odyssey Super Smash Bros Ultimate Hades Forza Horizon 4 Monster Hunter World Deadcells Deltarune Ultimate Custom Night FNAF
In fact many of good games came out that year but at the end of the year, for some reason, gaming overall started to fumble down both in quality and story overall. Most of them were just disappointment. Of course, not saying all 2018 games were perfect and amazing and offered incredible stories. I am looking at the overall.
2019 has been a mid year to me, yes there was a lot of great games came out but then there was also this incredible disappointing games that didn't lived up to hype and promises.
Anthem was one of them. Tom Clancy's Breakpoint - Felt like a downgrade from Wildlands. Kingdom Hearts 3 - another big disappointment on my end Borderlands 3 Days Gone World War Z NFS Heat
of course there was hella good games that came out like
DMC5 Control Resident Evil 2 Untitled Goose Game Terminator Resistance The Sinking City Sekiro Shadow Die Twice Apex Legends
2020 was the same as 2019. But clearly something seemed wrong is happening in the background of gaming industry. And the games shifted from mid to worse.
Marvel Avengers Last of Us Part 2 (especially this one.) Watch Dogs Legion Marvel's Spider-Man Miles Morales Resident Evil 3 Assasins Creed Valhalla Forspoken Saints Row Reboot Gollum Game Bablyons Fall Redfall Rise of Kong
And again, the good games were there but now it was more lesser than what people were expecting. And later years it has been just worse and worse, worst offenders of it right now is Suicide Quad : Kill the Justice League and Marvel's Spider-Man 2 on my recent memory. Rest I really didn't cared or wanted to play at all.
I don't know why but recent games, especially the big games always came unfinished or story being so different from what people's been expecting of.
Since 2018, we haven't been getting worldly loved or praised games. Every time a game comes out, its either pushing activist writer's agenda or having controversial decisions through the game making. Even recently right now, Unreal Engine forces people to not use words like "White List" these days as if its gonna offend anyone. And honestly, the Gaming in general doesn't feel okay anymore. Industry is on the top but making such weird and bad decisions that it slowly kills the Industry from inside. And I don't see this industry growing any more than this. Not in Technology wise of course but in general.
Nothing feels interesting, nothing feels special, nothing screams that "It's for the fans of the franchises" anymore especially with big IP's.
Like I said, worst offenders of this is Spider-Man and Suicide Squad.
Suicide Squad just told fans to f*ck off and killed off Batman that we fell in love with old Batman games only to put him down like he's worthless. Like he meant nothing plot wise. Same thing happened with Joel from Last of Us in Part 2. Back then when we said "hell no" we were the bad guys because apparently we were supposed to look at the "message" rather than "action".
Same offender goes for Marvel's Spider-Man 2, they made Peter out of character in both character and power scale of his whole franchise. He dies from a knife wound in the game even though in the first game he gets impaled by Doctor Oct's metal arm that is way deadlier from a knife, or a bullet wound. It didn't made sense. And again, the way Peter just gives up and says to Miles "Why would city need me when it has you?" is so out of character, that is just giving the same vibe of Ellie letting go of Abby at the end of the game for a "message".
Stories aside, unfinished games and/or worst games that's supposed to be what "Fans" been asking for is also a large offenders of this Game Industry.
Yes, there has been a pandemic. Yes things were hard. But now there is no Pandemic and the whole excuse sounds stupid these days. It is not an excuse to be a lazy developer. I wanna touch Skull and Bones here. I don't know who was the decision maker of this game but they need to be fired asap. After all these delays, all these dev time and so on, how can you just throw it to a trash and make a cash-grab half-baked unfinished game like that is beyond me.
Which comes to my question. Who's letting these people ruin gaming in general? Who's the decision maker of these games? Who's allowing this bad decisions? Both in story making as well? Through the game making phase, why no one told anyone "what the fuck are we doing?"
Why no game dev's reading the feedback they're getting? I am so confused on these decisions happening on game industry. And again, the whole thing happening with SBI and whole ESG, who's even hiring them? Who thinks we will get offended due to we kill african zombies in Resident Evil 5 when the game take place in AFRICA. Of course they will be African. Or again, who's decision it was to include Yasuke, a black man who was just a servant but then Advertising the whole Yasuke as a "Legendary Samurai" in upcoming Assasins Creed Shadows.
Or again, Saints Row Remake, who though it was a good idea making every main character Gay, non-white man and say f*ck you to fans and lovers of the old Saints Row Crew.
Who's idea was to put a female beating men animation in Marvel's Spider-Man 2? Isn't that sexism against men?
Who's idea was to uglify female video game characters because "male gaze" upon some pixels? Isn't that misogyny against irl female face models? What's wrong with y'all?
Isn't it weird including real life problems inside a fictional world? What happened to gaming world? What happened to immersion? What happened to escapism?
Isn't games supposed to be fun or pushed the fun aside for political correctness or dev's greed? What happened to gaming industry? Again, why these problems even exists such as "male gaze"?
I really miss pre 2019 gaming era where we actually got fun games to play with. No political correctness bullsh*t or unfinished cash-grab games with dumb ideas or pushed agendas of activist writers inside gaming industry. Back then games were just made to have fun. That's what it was important.
And I hate to see games changing and getting pushed to either blackwash characters like Alan Wake 2 or fill the game with non-sensical political correctness messages or pro-LGBTQ+ agenda. And again, I am not someone who's against any of it. Including is important, Diversity is important but ruining a game, plot or the whole franchise OR even dev team just because you wanna push MUCH as you can is wrong, it kills gaming.
If you wanna do something for diversity, do it. Just don't ruin the already existing franchise. Make a new game if you really wanna show your own idealogy to people. Don't ruin already existing games.
These days really feels like gaming is not for me anymore just because fun things is gone in gaming world. It really feels like there won't be anything good coming soon and these decisions will only ruin gaming and franchises forever for the fans.

I currently work as a caregiver. I have been at my job for 3 years now and all of my clients have loved me. Several of my clients will only work with me. I love my job and my clients, but I am underpaid. I know of several other agencies that are paying 30% -40% more. I have received 1 raise and that was after 6 months. It's been almost 2 &1/2 years since my last raise. 2 years a go I found out that my boss was paying new caregivers 2.00 more per hour than me. I didn't say anything because at the time my boss had given me a few extra side jobs to supplement my income. I no longer have those side jobs. I commute 2 hours per day and I do not get paid for the commute. I was never even asked if I wanted to commute. The cost of living in my city has gone up significantly the last 2 years. I am currently working 80-90 hours per week and I am not paid overtime. I had 1 extra side job where I was paid per visit instead of per hour. This was great when the visit only took 1 hour. Now, that visit takes me 2 & 1/2 - 3 hours, so I don't get paid extra. My boss told me in November that we could ask for more money for this visit since it's taking 2-3× as long. Well, it never happened and it's not going to happen. The people I work for are wealthy. 2 months a go my boss told me one of my clients asked for a discount. I told my boss that I was about to ask for a raise because i was not making enough money and there was an uncomfortable silence. Neither one of us brought it up again. I have had to max out my credit cards and I have had to sell some of my belongings to get by. I can't ask my apartment for a discount. I can't ask the IRS for a discount on my taxes etc... So I feel it's wrong for my millionaire client to ask for a discount because they are having cash flow issues. They literally have millions of dollars in art and furnishings in the house. My clients daughter has told me this and it's also obvious. If I have to sell my belongings, and I didn't have much, I feel they should have to do the same. Am I wrong? I feel like my boss will not want to give me a raise because he has given my wealthy client a discount. I pride myself on not being entitled. I work my ass off 7 days a week and 6 nights. My client has sundown syndrome which is a type of dementia, so she is oftentimes up all night. This client is the only client of my bosses that has this syndrome.. The other night caregivers get to chill, relax and even sleep when their clients are asleep. I, however rarely get any sleep during a 12 hour shift. I then have to drive 1 hour back home. I get to rest at home for maybe 3 hours and then it's time to work my day shifts I am so beyond burnt out. The sleep deprivation alone has been extremely difficult. I feel like I should be paid more than the caregivers that get to just relax and sleep through their 12 hour night shift because I am up almost the entire shift I need to ask my boss for a raise, but because of my anxiety, I have not been able to. I know my boss is most likely going to get angry because he gave my millionaire clients a discount, so giving me a raise is going to be less money for him. However my boss does absolutely nothing for his cut. He has never even been to my clients house. Most likely because it's an hour away. When I need time off or anything, I have to work it out with my client. I do like my boss. I help him with scheduling, so we work closely. My pay for helping with scheduling were the side jobs he gave me. He didn't take a cut from those small jobs and that's how he paid me. However, like I said I do not have most of those jobs anymore and the 1 side job I have, I'm putting in the hours, so I'm not being paid to help with scheduling. I have had a really difficult 5 years and during this time I became a people pleaser. I have a very difficult time asking for anything and I have a hard time saying no. I I have been wanting to ask for a raise for over a year. I'm afraid my boss will offer me a 2.00 raise which is what new caregivers were being paid 2 & 1/2 years a go. I am sure those caregivers have gotten raises since then, so I don't think a 2. 00 raise would be fair. Like I said a couple of the other agencies are paying 30%-40% more, so I would like to ask for what those companies are paying their caregivers. I know I could most likely get a job at one of these other agencies, but I also know I would really be pissing off my boss if I did that as he would probably lose the clients I work for. I don't want to be on bad terms with my boss because he is well known in my city and this business. I want a good reference from him if I should ever leave his agency. I also really like my boss. Also, I truly love my clients. They are like family and I would feel so bad leaving them. 2 years a go one of my clients offered me a fee guesthouse and more money per hour to leave my agency and work privately for them. I said no, even though it was an amazing offer. I stayed loyal to my boss. I just can't survive on what I'm being paid and i can't possibly work more hours as there aren't enough hours in the day. I'm so lost. I don't know what to do and I would be so grateful for any advice. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Hi everyone. 33F here. I’ve dealt with anxiety over anything and everything my entire life, and have been in and out of therapy for it since about 6th grade.
I am on medication, and I’m not currently in therapy but am actively working to get back in.
I had separation anxiety from my parents when I was very young. When my husband and I were dating and lived three hours apart, I had separation anxiety after weekend visits. And now, I am a mom to the most wonderful four year old, and I have separation anxiety with him.
The severity of my separation anxiety with my son is dependent on a few things - distance, and being alone. I don’t have it when he’s at daycare. I don’t have it when I am out locally, regardless of being alone, with my husband or with friends. I have it mildly when I am an hour or more way from him, but am with my husband. But when I am far from him and am going on my own, it is extreme.
I’ve been in my current position at work for almost a year, and I travel occasionally, a 4-5 hour drive to one of our locations for two nights/three days, solely to show my face in person, as I work remotely. I have been twice so far. I just found out that I’ll have a trip coming up in July, and I am already spiraling.
My anxiety goes through the roof over something happening to him, something happening to me, and just being far from home by myself and away from him in general. I’m usually pretty good at reeling myself in and grounding myself with my anxiety, but it’s nearly impossible to do it when these trips come up. I’m anxious from the moment my boss asks me to go until I get home. I’m distracted, I cry a lot, I feel physically ill, my mind goes to absolute worst case scenarios (which I imagine way too vividly) and I absolutely spiral. I’m crying as I write this.
I am so overwhelmed and am trying to come up with any excuse I can to say never mind, I can’t go, as it isn’t forced, but I’m asked to “if I can make it.”
I love my job outside of this one aspect. I don’t want to be away from my child, my home. I’m not sure how my boss would feel about me saying, “sorry, my anxiety says I can’t” - I don’t think she would understand. I know I need to get back into therapy, and am waiting on a call back.
I feel desperate. It’s a month and a half away, and I’m already losing my mind. This happened when I went several months ago as well, leading up to the trip and the whole time I was there. It was a miserable. I hate this so much.

To demonstrate let me give a verse
O believers! Take neither Jews nor Christians as guardians—they are guardians of each other.1 Whoever does so will be counted as one of them. Surely Allah does not guide the wrongdoing people This is a verse from surah mayidah(5:51) From this without context one who is ignorant may deduce that all the nonmuslims cannot be made friends with. But to understand this verse we must think about that time in history when it was released. Islam then was a thriving religion naturally many Christians and jews thought of them as a threat to their own religions and as such they mightve plotted against them because of various reasons at the time. But now the situation is different as many Jews and Christians do atleast at some points understand eachother and not all Jews or Christians are hateful towards Muslims and have the same mentality as they had at that time when the suras were revealed. As to why God himself generalized the Christians and Jews maybe because 1.all Jews and Christians had the same mentality that Islam was trying to pose a threat to their doctrine 2.the numbers were so few that there were very seldom good Christians and Jews. This verse is intended for a time when Muslims were just emerging and faced many existential threats. But using this verse as to hate them even now a days is an utterly ignorant way of thinking. Before we apply a verse to our current life we must see if the situations thise verses were meant for still stands or not. The quran was meant for guidance to the new Muslims as well as instructions on how to live ones life the way God intended. Yet sometimes these situational or circumstantial orders or guidance are taken as universally for all instances no matter the situational specifics. Many people do this with the quran both anti Muslims and pro Muslims or just muslims do this and butcher the background and context to the matter. Anyway, share your thoughts on this matter I brought up by commenting and in doing so expanding upon the matter.

I will try to make this as straightforward and non-confusing as possible. I had/have 2 friends, Friend #1 Ive had ever since i could remember, Friend #2 since around middle school, and these 2 guys have been best friends to each other for just as long and still are to this day. I was not always hanging out with them together usually, but would hang out with one or the other just because of schedules, schools, sports, etc. I wouldn't consider them my best friends at this time, but we were good friends. Fast forward to the start of college, I am 19 and i meet my girlfriend, who is now my wife. She knows both of these guys because they went to her school (I went to a school across the city) and Friend #2 was actually the reason she agreed to meet me, she knew him and knew he wasn't associated with anyone sketchy. While my girlfriend and I are in the early stages of our relationship, Friend #2 was always with us as a third wheel because he was a closer friend these years in my life now than before. For a few years, his old girlfriend would lead him on and make him think they would get back together and then just crush his heart after a while. This would happen multiple times. My girlfriend and I would have to build his confidence back up and have him keep pushing forward. Fast forward 3 to 5 years, and his father passes away from a self inflicted incident. His ex-girlfriend now agrees to be his girlfriend again and they then get married about a year and a half of being back together. The only reason i mentioned the part with his father, is because it wasn't until a few days later is when she agreed to be his girlfriend again. While hes back with her, we stay in touch and see each other from time to time, but no where near as much. Friend #1 enters my life back around these years that Friend #2 is back with his girlfriend. He is sorta the third wheel now. I have finished college locally, while he goes to a college about 2 hours away. He comes home every weekend and hangs out with me and my girlfriend. This goes on for about a year or so. He graduates, and then we hang out even more during the week. He and my girlfriend become very close, as if they were brother and sister because they are so much alike. Nothing weird, we were all just a group of friends. He starts to date this girl which we thought was cool in the beginning. We all hung out together, but she was very quiet. She was still in school about 2 hours away as well and would only come home on weekends now. We are maybe 22 or 23 around these years, so we were able to drink and stuff so he would come over as he didn't live far away and we would have a beer or 2 during the week from time to time. (forgot to mention my girlfriend has been living with me for a few years now as her current living situation was not good. She moved in with me and my parents while she finished college and once she finished college, we renovated my grandmothers old home and we moved into it as a starter home.) One night while he was over and his girlfriend was at school, we noticed she was calling him multiple times and he would not answer. He then was like i need to head home, so i walked him out and i said you might want to call her back. He proceeds to tell me "yeah....she does not like when I'm over here so i didn't answer yet" so that throws me for a red flag. I didn't say much about the situation though. As weeks and months go by, we slowly realize that she doesn't like my girlfriend, which we are assuming because of how good friends my girlfriend is with him. I would go hangout with him and his girlfriend while my girlfriend is working, and she wouldn't be as quiet and was friendly with me. While she is at college, we all go out without his girlfriend, and he pretty much tells us that she doesn't like my girlfriend, but he always fights back to defend us with how she thinks about us. My girlfriend saw her out at a store and tried to say hello and be friendly, but she looked her dead in her eyes, walked away and didn't say a word. Not long after that incident, they get engaged. He calls me the next day multiple times, but i don't answer. I sort of feel betrayed so i needed some time to think and process. I felt like I was about to lose my friend for good. I never answer, so he calls my girlfriend and tells her he wants to ask me to be in his wedding. She pretty much tells him the truth on how i feel about the situation and everything. I wouldn't be able to stand up next to him and support the marriage when she doesn't even like him being around me and my girlfriend. After that, I pretty much lost him as a friend. We would snapchat here and there and actually not long ago, maybe 2 years ago, him and I discussed everything. We didn't rekindle what we had, but we basically were adults and discussed everything and i told him I couldn't stand next to him showing my support, if she was still feeling the same way about my girlfriend. I honestly don't remember everything we discussed, i just know we were civil and respectful to each other. Back to the past, Friend #2 is having marriage problems, so hes hanging around again with me and my girlfriend who is now my wife at this time (we had no wedding). He is still married, but him and his wife are never together spending time together. We double date a couple of times, but he comes around without her, more than with her. At night, we are playing Call of Duty Blackout together. Blackout turns into Call of Duty Warzone as the years continue, and we meet a guy online that lives in the Middle of USA while we are on the East Coast. Him and his wife's family is from the state below ours, so they have came out this way and me and Friend #2 met up with them to meet in person. Fast forward about a year and Friend #2 tells me hes getting a divorce, me and my wife are there for him, i help him move a few things out of the house and into storage and we help keep him pushing. Not long after the separation, he is going on dates and he eventually meets the girl he is with now. Me and my wife meet her and think they are a perfect match. He is a funny guy and she jokes with him and just as funny. They move in together after a few months to help each other financially with rent, bills, etc. After the move in, he is no longer hopping on Call of Duty. He will get on when she is not home, but as soon as she gets home, he would log off asap, which i understood. I go over to their house one day to help with a issue on his console or return something, i cant remember, and they tell me how hes currently unhappy at his job and they mentioned they remember me sharing a position for a maintenance worker at my job. I work at a corporate office as I am a assistant director of IT for a company. With me being in this position, i work every closely with the owners of this company. I make a phone call, and line him up a job interview. He gets the job. This job is about 30 minutes away from the city we live in, so it is a commute, but not to far imo. About 2 or 3 days in, i told him to swing by my office, as his office is down the road, and i wanted to introduce him to the owner of the company. As we sit in that meeting, the owner gives him a company truck to drive, as he has to travel for his job and everyone in the company gets a company vehicle if they travel from our different locations. This is not long after covid was finally clearing up, but the trucks and cars were hard to buy new. After a few months, the owner of the company needed the truck for a new sales person, so he had to give the truck back and just start car pooling to different locations with his co workers until they found him another truck. I know this didn't sit right with my friend, but its just how the company handles the truck situation from time to time until they get another truck available. Out of my control as I am in IT, not Director of the company. After about 2 months of no work truck, he decided to go back to his old job. Right before he left, he had a birthday party at his house and the guy we met from Call of Duty came and hung out with us again. After the party though, he was reemployed with his old job and we slowly stop talking again. Fast forward once more and we are to the present day. Friend #2 is now engaged to the girl and for some reason, my wife and I were not invited. The guy I play Call of Duty with online and his wife were invited. The whole situation is confusing to me of why we were not invited. I reached out to him and asked and his only response was they are paying for everything out of their pocket and they could only afford but so many people, but if you go to her Facebook page, she is asking people who did not get invited that wants to come. I asked him instead of commenting on that post as i know him better than her. The cherry on top of this whole situation though is just a few days ago while we were playing Warzone, the guy we met online asked if they could stay at our house when they come down to the wedding. Of course I said yes as me and this guy have no issues and he is the most down to earth guy ever. I wanted to be able to help out and not have them spend money on a hotel as they already have to fly here for the wedding. But something is tearing me up inside about this entire situation. The only reason i mentioned the 2 different friends in this story is because they are still currently best friends and it makes me wonder if Friend #1 has anything to do with Friend #2 not including us as wedding guest. All this stuff happened from starting at the age of 19 and I am now 32 today so many years have passed. These 2 guys were my only friends i had face to face interactions with on the regular. My other friends, I talk to only when playing video games or i consider a few co workers my friends, but we don't hang out after work. I have one other best friend i can always count on that lives down the road. We do not talk daily or hang out on the regular, but he is always that one friend i can count on. Most people would move on and say F it, but having little to no human face to face interaction with friends is hard at times and can get lonely. I love my wife so much and shes my best friend as well, but sometimes we need those guy friends as well. I know there is 2 sides to every story, but i just needed to come online and type everything out to my side of the story to help clear my mind.

🎵A Forest - Alva Noto
Lantern, my phone, gloves, garbage bag, my keys... I think I had taken everything. Just as I was about to leave the door, I realized I had forgotten my coffee and turned back. While making my coffee, my mother asked if my task would take long. I had filled the storage rooms in our basement with my old office supplies.
"I don't know, maybe I'll split it over a few days... There's a lot of stuff."
"Why are you dealing with it alone? Wait until your father comes, and you can handle it together."
"No, I can't wait for my father. He'll stay with Merich until summer."
"Alright, if you want to torture yourself, go clean it..."
While going down in the elevator, I felt as if I was descending into my own mind. This feeling took me back to the solar eclipse on March 20, 2015. About a month before the eclipse, I had started to feel strange. I kept having recurring dreams of tsunamis. Constantly... In one of them, I had a surfboard, but it was one of those small boards for kids. I looked at the size of the waves, looked at the board, and realized that something was seriously mocking me. Surfing? Me? In tsunami waves? With a tiny board? Whose joke was this?
Then, on March 5, something unexpected happened. While walking down the corridor at home, I experienced a transition between two steps, in less than a second, maybe. I don't know where I passed to, but it felt like a door opening from my mind to the outside had closed, and I was suddenly trapped in my mind. It's hard to describe...
Everything happened in the span of less than a second, between two steps, in a moment of emptiness. A passage and the return door closed... In fact, there was no door! In the days that followed, I remember being unable to focus on anything outside; life continued its normal routine, things were happening around me, I could see, but I couldn't react. My focus suddenly turned inward, and I couldn't escape from inside, even if I wanted to. I could talk, I could answer when asked something, but like a robot... Even while speaking, I couldn't turn my focus outward from my mind. The rest was a repeat of 2009. Sleeplessness, loss of appetite, fear...
I was struggling to get out. I even went to work in the tea fields of the Black Sea region just because I thought nature would be good for me. Although I was exhausted in the field, I couldn't sleep at night. I remember trying to line up meaningless words in my head to tire my mind enough to sleep at night. Like Hugo Ball's Karawane...
jolifanto bambla o falli bambla ... egiga goramen higo bloiko russula huju hollaka hollala...
If there was meaning, I would keep thinking about them. That's why I thought gibberish would work. It did. At least I could sleep for 2 hours!
When I returned from the field, I was so exhausted that I couldn't stay with my sister for long, so she wouldn't collapse with me, but I couldn't go home because my parents would worry. Instead, I went to Istanbul to my closest friend Beril's house, hoping she wouldn't be too affected. Beril is like a sister to me...
On the morning of the eclipse, I had my hair cut. I don't know why I did such a thing, it just came to me suddenly, but it was a bad idea. While I was already doubting who I was, seeing myself look different in the mirror scared me even more. Friends were coming over in the evening to watch a match. So, cleaning the house and preparing snacks coincided with the time of the eclipse.
Knowing that the light/dark system during an eclipse wasn't good for me, I usually draw the curtains or go to a dark room during the eclipse, but I hadn't thought about that at the time. I felt its effect at night because when I lay in bed and closed my eyes, I kept seeing the eclipsed sun, even though I hadn't watched it. A ring of light in the middle of pitch darkness, the inside of the ring as dark as an abyss, maybe even a black hole...
A simple phenomenon... If you focus on something for a long time, that thing gets charged with energy. I didn't know at the time that this figure I was focusing on unintentionally would turn into a seal. Apparently, I had started forging a seal in my mind, like hammering iron.
I hadn't slept at all that night. Therefore, I hadn't woken up either. Of course, Beril had woken up to a new day, so with the morning energy of breakfast, she suggested we go to Büyükada together - even though she knew I was in an unrecognizable state. Despite hating the islands, I was open to any help at that moment. So, I said okay.
When we arrived at the island, the sun was high in the sky, burning like a July sun. At one point, I was sweating so much that I truly felt like I was burning in hell. I needed to pray. Any nearby temple, any place where God's name was mentioned, would do.
We decided to go to Aya Yorgi. I remember feeling like Jesus of Nazareth carrying his cross while climbing the hill in front of the church. I don't know how many minutes it took us to climb the hill, but it felt like an eternity to me, and I don't remember feeling such immense mental torment in my life, even in 2009. It was so intense that if you left me, I would collapse in tears at the church's door, repenting for all my sins, remembered or forgotten, significant or insignificant. I did repent, not in tears, but I did while I had the chance. This is why I love all temples. I respect any place where God's name is mentioned, regardless of the religion. Although I prefer a temple that believes in at least one God, I remember praying in a Hindu temple in Malaysia when I was in a bind. My prayer was always to Him, no matter what temple I was in.
...
By the way, I had forgotten the playing cards in the first aid kit I had prepared for the cliff. In the following days, Beril had to play a lot of cards with me. I know she had a hard time with this weird me who only ate bananas and played cards without speaking. There were many things I wanted to tell her but couldn't. For example, I couldn't tell her that in the few hours I fainted and slept, I saw little girls like in horror movies in my dreams, calling me into passages that looked like a basement entrance. Because I couldn't build the bridge. I had no idea how to communicate with the outside world, and I had an irresistible desire to delve deeper inside. So, I was starting to lose my desire to return because the world I would return to promised me nothing but "postponed pain."
What was I returning for? It might not have happened to me, but what was the point of returning to a world where someone dies of hunger or war while I'm full and comfortable, to a world of perverts and depraved people who rape children, to a greedy world? The helpless creature, who starts dying from the moment it's born, thinks it's the master of the world. Humans, stuck between God and animals, real humans... were there any of this kind left? Or had we been living in a planet of apes for a while now? Even apes are a higher species, pests... Most people were pests now.
No, I didn't want to return. The Alceste inside me had made its decision. Whether it was a child, a demon, or whatever it was, it had to take my hand and go down that basement. Let me get lost in that passage. The love of God in my heart would eventually bring me to the light. Even if I lost Him, He wouldn't lose me.
...
Cleaning the basement... The basement... I remembered these things while progressing in the basement with a lantern in my hand. What I described with so many words was actually just a few seconds of leaps in my mind.

I am trying to lose weight and I go to the gym 5-6 days a week usually but since I am entering exam season I have to give up going to the gym because I need more time/energy to put into my studies.
However, I feel bad not going to the gym as often, I am now planning to go 3-4 days a week, is it possible to lose weight still if Im in a calorie deficit?
Edit: I now realise how stupid my question was.