Today marks the 4th year I have been completely social-media free, except for Twitch (and Reddit). The only social platform that has had such a firm chokehold on my time for so long is now joining the landfill alongside Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok. I've come to realize after being so sucked into these apps and sites that they are purely business models that exist to make profit off of you in such conniving ways. I was in denial about Twitch for so long but I've finally accepted the reality.
I was addicted to watching cute women play video games. I felt a sense of comfort putting on that strong personality in the background as I did chores everyday. I felt belonging (as false as it was) when I donated or subbed and for a few seconds *insert favorite streamer name here* acknowledged my existence, inviting me to their collection of other para-social fangirls/boys disguised as fellow friends. I did all this because I felt lonely.
Truthfully, I still am but I am now deciding to choose principle. I'd honestly rather struggle to make friends/partnerships in real life but end up with a few real, quality ones than continue to give in to that meaningless instant gratification loop. I will now be infinitely touching grass. Good luck to anyone on the same journey and know that I see you. We'll be fine.
Posting this image link so others can hold me accountable.
On a sidenote,Twitch has lowkey been devolving in recent years. I see so many people now who treat it like a dating service going both ways or I see just increasing displays of neuroticism. Less and less about gaming. It's so unsettling.

proof I read the rules:
https://hips.hearstapps.com/hmg-prod/images/cute-cat-photos-1593441022.jpg
This is kind of a vent post. Explaining this question is inherently a vent. Read at your own discretion, hope you're doing okay!
In the past my mother (diagnosed BPD, probably undiagnosed adhd) would be constantly visibly irritated and stressed and shouting. But when she would come down from it she would be clingy, then I would be uncomfortable, then life would ‘go on’ and she would be a ‘normal’ mother until everything repeated. It was horrible and I was depressed and didn’t love her. Sometimes she would say she was giving me everything I could ever ask for and I was just ungrateful, sometimes she would have a suicidal breakdown thinking she was a terrible mother. I have a strong moral compass, intellect, and sense of self. She says I’m the perfect child in every sense besides having a dirty room and not doing chores. One time she said she felt like I was more her mother than she was mine, and when she’s in a difficult situation she asks herself what I would do, and does that. After rollercoasters with school counselors and social services, she stopped yelling as frequently, basically stopped. But if I’m tired, or god forbid upset, or goddd forbiddd suicidal, my mother will either be personally offended/upset or patronize me and ask if it has to do with a boy (As I said before, my sense of self is strong. That kind of thing doesn't really matter to me. I find it offensive that she thinks I would be suicidal over a boy.) She always holds the fact that she doesn’t yell anymore against me, but honestly it’s like she just traded yelling for being more unfiltered. Like one time when my counselor told her I was cutting myself she just got mad at me and said she was “overextended with her own life” and “doing everything she could, and if that wasn’t enough then she gave up on me”. Or like, whenever she gets mad about my room, she’ll just be really mean for no reason (calling me/the room dirty, pig/pigsty, atrocious, appalling) and force me to listen to it. She probably forgot/would deny it, and I don’t even remember how we ‘bounced back’ after that. Like every other time, I don't think I ever did.
My mom thinks it’s likely I have some undiagnosed health issues but I guess we just don't have time to do anything about it. I stay a couple hours everyday after school for stuff like music ensemble practices, working out, and eating dinner (my diet is nutritious and full). Sometimes I do my homework. But it’s pretty hard to even do homework most of the time (to gather the energy/motivation/focus). Sometimes when I get home I think my room is kind of inconveniently/shamefully dirty, or that I’ll probably get in trouble soon. (Sometimes when she’s angry, though, it’s not even bad. Even my most cleanliness-obsessed friend was shocked and said “It’s like she doesn’t even want you to live in it”. And she only gets mad about it/chooses to reinforce the cleanliness thing when something’s going wrong in her life.) Or I think about loading the dishwasher but I don’t know how to tell if it’s dirty/don't feel like it. But having a lot of things to do at once overwhelms me. And if I do something, I get caught up in the details and every little thing has to be uprooted/fixed into the optimal system. Like honestly I would want to have an aesthetic room but then I would have to figure out how to set it up and how to maintain it. I'm somewhat of a perfectionist and I tend to procrastinate everything. Procrastination methods are usually to blow off steam: talking to my friends (funny or emotional), comfort meditations, comfort movies/tv, funny youtube videos, writing poetry/music, worrying, napping. I don’t really like tiktoks or reels so I don’t often doomscroll. I find busy/loud environments and social interactions either extremely comforting or unsettling. I live with my family of 5 (stepdad, two toddler age siblings) and there's always just way too much going on in my house, even if nobody’s arguing/mad. Sometimes I am genuinely expressive, but I think sometimes I’m putting on some kind of act so that people can clearly understand my sentiment/meaning/mood. My body seems to always be anxious and that either makes me super productive or super lethargic. Even when I have a great day, I am extremely tired by the time I’m in the car home. I have lost the will to be a person by the time I’m in my room again. I seem to always find will at school and lose it at home. When I get home I just want to be alone and only hear the stuff I want to hear in my headphones.

I don’t hate my family. But I absolutely hate living with them. Not that I would have a perfect life if I didn’t live with them, but I would most definitely be better able to self regulate/cope with my own issues/live without distraction. They always bother me more whenever I’m mildly depressed and have something major due. And I always end up suicidal again and having to get an extension and miserable. (Mind you my mother goes through similar phases as me. Depression, procrastination, untidy spaces, “this is good enough, at least I did it”, etc.) My mom is always saying that even if I have a health condition, I just lack discipline, I’m lazy, the teachers at my school are too gentle with me, she would let me fail to teach me a lesson, etc. She’s always trying to make me a “competent adult” to prepare me for the “real world”. (Obviously life isn’t sunshine and rainbows, but I really think she makes heour life worse than it has to be. Always distrustful and wanting for more.)
I was really excited for next year, because I was planning to board at school and take advanced classes and just fully focus on MY life. It was gonna be so much better, make my schedule/routine and social life/battery so much less complicated. My mom was disapproving and said I needed to “prove that I could dorm” to her. The enumerated criteria was my room. Which I obviously failed. Because if this were just a matter of will, my room would have already been clean. So she said I couldn’t dorm. I started cutting again, she accidentally saw because I thought I locked the shower door when I didn’t. She got really mad and yelled nonsense like, “This (my cuts) isn’t productive!! Just fucking do your homework! This looks horrible. You made yourself look horrible.” and left. Not much later she apologized (uncomfortable for me, because I am still naked with sore cuts. I said “Can we do this when I get out? I’m literally naked.” she said no.) and cried and said she’s sorry she gets angry because she cant express herself well, and she checks on me at night because she’s scared I’ll kill myself. She said there were actually two criteria to dorm, my room AND mental health. The not so secret 3rd criteria was building a better relationship with her. I have been back to my suicidal not-self since this, and of course this is while I have exams that I am failing solely because this is taking all my energy.
She thinks I’m more likely to kill myself in the dorms. She thinks if I stay at home our relationship will just improve. She thinks my homework and room and social struggles are a matter of willpower. One time when she was upset she said, “And you just need to dorm huh? Because we make you so miserable! Save OP from her family, (school)!” I said no, but honestly yes. It's the complete opposite of everything she thinks. I AM fucking miserable at home. I gave up a long time ago on trying to get her to be anything I emotionally needed. We bring out the absolute worst of each other because she will just not let go of me. (I feel like she thinks it would make her a bad mom, and she says i’m her life and she’ll kill herself if she's a bad mom/hurts me) I desperately want space. She’s great when I don't have to talk to her in depth and always be happy/successful for her. I don’t even know what she wants from me/wants me to be/wants me to do – she probably doesn’t even know – I just know I’ll never be it. I just want her to let me go and be what I and my teachers want me to be, set actual reasonable goals with myself with the emotional support of my community at school (which is more a family to me than my family). How do I get her to see that living with her makes both of us miserable and we’d both be better off (individually and together) if I lived on campus? How can I convince her? Do I just say, “Honestly, you drain me. And so does our house! Wherever I’m in it, I can remember some unfortunate event that happened with/because of you while I was last in that exact spot.”?

Hello OSRS people! I've been an enjoyer of reality game shows like Survivor for over 20 years, and a Runescape playing friend of mine was visiting and thought he would see if I enjoyed Gielinor Games... and boy howdy did I!
We devoured the first three seasons in a few days and I've been watching Season 4 on my own. I even started watching content from some of the contestants (Settled, Solo Mission, Jimmy etc.) because I really liked them on the show and I wanted to get better knowledge of the game so I could have a better grasp of what was happening in the episodes themselves.
Wanted to shout out my love for the series and also talk about the whole thing from the perspective of someone who has not only watched a lot of reality game shows, but also run things similar to Gielinor Games myself! More colloquially they're called ORG's (Online Reality Games) and there are whole communities that run online games using the format of shows like Survivor and Big Brother. I've hosted more than 20 myself and part of why I love Gielinor Games is that they capture a lot of that same magic. I'm a game designer in my day job so I have a LOT of semi-professional thoughts (as much as one can be) on both the format/game design of each season of GG, the strategy of each season, and also ideas for how it could draw from more of the ORG world to create more types of challenges, create more interesting social strategy and all that good stuff.
Season 1 was definitely the most difficult to get through, especially for someone with no Runescape knowledge. The challenges leaned a lot into content early on and I was basically completely zoned out during many of the challenges themselves but I did enjoy the ones I could follow like Spawn Camping, Cya in Lumby and Money Talks.
The format was most like a show called King Of The Nerds and both suffer from their format stifling a lot of the more strategic aspects of a game like this. Coupled with the very genial atmosphere within teams who were largely concerned with "the group" winning over individually winning and it led to a rather tepid strategic environment. This could've been a lot more interesting if there was some cross-team collusion and I'm surprised that something like this didn't happen, especially given the trajectory Solo Mission would take in following seasons. That's really the only thing that can develop a game like this since there's relatively little to be gained by colluding within your own team, especially if it does lead to more team losses. Given the broad lack of strategy this season, the struggling format as well as the quite high barrier to entry as an uninformed viewer, it was definitely the season with the most flaws. But that's to be expected with a new show in its first iteration.
Season 2 is hands down my favourite season. There are so many great character arcs and stories throughout, between Jimmy and Settled being the overlooked underdogs (and Settled himself being a Survivor fan), EVScape and Skiddler's huge banning streak in the Redemption Falls, DitteTorvesta's cockroaching to survive and rivalry between each other, and of course the incredible machinations of Snake Mission.
Survivor is my favourite of the reality shows, and GG Season 2 is probably the one that most closely resembles it (with a dash of Big Brother's Head of Household mechanic thrown in). Survivor is one of the purest social strategy games that exists and has produced some truly insane strategic plays throughout the years. Some that are mindbogglingly good, not just in terms of being complex or effective but in how they socially engineer themselves into a position to convince others to go along with it. So when I say that I legitimately think that Solo Mission played one of the best strategic games I have ever seen, I want to convey the full gravity of what I'm saying. (Also credit to Gunschilli for playing a strong supporting role throughout but as far as the show goes Solo stole the whole thing.)
So obviously he's playing against pretty strategically weak competition. Nobody else is really taking advantage of the social strategy side of the game to the same extent, and that does make it an easier ride for someone who is navigating it as hard as he is. All the while he is able to avoid being targeted for the double play, consistently places himself in situations that obfuscate his puppeteering, organises the votes to his whims in many rounds and continues to have both major alliances trust him just enough to get to the next stage, while also keeping the numbers in such a way that both sides need his vote. It's masterful and takes huge skill regardless of the quality of the competition.
And truthfully I think he could've won the whole season if not for Redemption Falls. If Verf and Zulu are fighting a team other than Settled/Jimmy there's a better than zero chance they're eliminated. If that happens, Solo/Gunschilli absolutely clean up in Diary Dash and then they're in the finals. I don't say this to complain or say that Solo should win, but his plans were thrown out of whack by a late-game twist that upended the forseeable format of the rounds, and I wonder if Solo would've done things differently if he'd known that the bridges he was burning would last longer in the game.
I also want to highlight the genuine masterclass of game theory that Solo/Guns display in part 2 of Soup's Clues. The way that they go into that fight with second to worst gear (with a large margin between them and 2nd/1st) and use the current game situation to dictate who they target and when in order to end up in a winnable scenario is truly incredible. I was jaw-on-floor the entire fight with how much finesses and forethought went into that victory and it's one of my favourite things I've ever seen.
Obviously a huge congrats to actual winners Verf/Zulu, I don't want to take any part of their victory away from them but as a fan of social strategy I can't help but see Solo Mission as the all star of the season. I also loved rooting for and against DitteTorvesta at different points throughout the season, it is just such a wild ride.
Season 3 is very strong, and my biggest takeaway is that even though Solo Mission didn't win S2, Gielinor Games won by having a player of that caliber compete because it forced EVERYONE to up their game and play harder this time around.
Obviously Solo Mission's reputation is completely tarnished and he has to play from the bottom but I still think he does a fantastic job here. But this is where players like Framed, Settled, V the Victim, EVScape really start to shine. EVScape comes back with a vengeance after a rough first go and he rocks it. Gotta root for my fellow aussie. I'd watched a little bit of Hanannie's content at this stage and I'm so happy to see her in the cast and she delivers in her short time. Also C Engineer is a great comedic presence throughout all the first three seasons and I'm sort of getting his humour and style at this stage in my binge. Friend showed me the vid of him trolling people that use his plugin and it was such a cute concept. It was also really cool to see more women represented this season in general.
Even though this season was called Free Agents it definitely felt a lot LESS individual than season 2. The strategy is a little more homogenized with a handful of big alliances sort of cruising through with smaller groups and individuals getting picked off, and with the challenges changing each round between solo, duo and group challenges.
This felt like a bit of a lucky dip of a season where your success could swing wildly based on the challenge and groups involved (especially due to how immunity effects who gets to vote), but since you always had your own vote to control a part of your fate it still felt like a decently fair game where anyone could win it. With a strong enough alliance you could survive the votes at least, and you'd have to get sent in directly by a crown holder, but if your alliance is a crown-holder you have some protection there as well.
It doesn't surprise me that the biggest successes this season are people who played solid and safe and relied on their personal skill, but it definitely felt like the foot had been taken off the pedal a little bit. HOWEVER that doesn't mean this wasn't a fun as heck season full of good strategy and funny moments and keen insights. Settled especially really comes into his own and V the Victim does a great job of managing his threat level despite the reputation he had, and the caveat of him joining the season late. Really good season overall.
Season 4. We're caught up! If you haven't watched episode 5 then please skip this section as I'm going to be talking full spoilers so 3... 2... 1... ok. So something I haven't commented on is the production values and the editing and the music and by jove Season 4 is so so so so so good holy moly it's so damn good. Soup you are a magician and you are doing a spectacular job, as well as everyone else on your team. Truly kudos.
HOWEVER! And this is all coming from a reality show fan but I really dislike the format of this season. With individual votes being removed almost entirely the game is so much more focused on challenge performance. There is very little room, if any, for someone who is not one of the most skilled at the game to win this season. This also basically minimizes the effect that alliances can have on the game. In terms of raw format this season is quite similar to a korean reality show called The Genius (which is truly one of the best tv shows of all time) but the challenges in that show are strategic in nature, effectively social board games that have alliances play out in the gameplay of the challenges themselves. GG has the "drawback" of being set in a video game with confined capabilities and mechanics. Now I love using a video game to create a reality game like this, but I do think that at this stage too much power and emphasis has been put on challenge performance.
This is also where we may get to a contentious opinion I hold but I dislike Boaty's presence. Not as a person or a character, but as a strategic entity in this game. Nothing against the guy, he is TALENTED and charismatic and I'm sure that his content is wonderful but he is so antithetical to what I personally enjoy about these types of social games. He largely doesn't engage with the social strategy, he basically acts entirely based on whims and challenge strength and like... I can't fault him for this at all. Obviously its not his personality type, but also when you are that good at the game you don't need anyone else. Boaty is the favourite to win simply due to the format of this season. He has to both not win a challenge, and then specifically lose again in a 1v1(ish) duel where he can CHOOSE HIS OPPONENT. This is simply just not likely to happen until very late in the process if at all and even then he is still probably the favourite to win most any 1v1 challenge against most any contestant.
Season 4's strategy has devolved once again from the heights we saw in season 2 and it makes me a little sad. That being said I'm still hella invested and loving the show overall but it definitely isn't gripping me to the edge of my seat like it did before. The craziest moment that happend was largely due to a quirk of random chance (that being the order in which Soup asks people to reveal their votes publicly) and honestly even though it was a big moment it felt a little sketchy to me because it wasn't strictly a fair situation.
NOTES Now here's my various notes and suggestions that I am just putting out into the universe just in case some sort of host of some sort of show happens to see them and think they're insightful
Firstly, there are a lot of kinks that need to be ironed out in terms of Fair Play. For example I don't like players having to reveal their votes publicly as it discourages subterfuge, but if you ARE going to do so, you should force the players to lock them in ahead of time and not be allowed to change them during the reveal. They simply announce who they voted for. But again, if you keep the votes private it allows a space for players to lie and create distrust and form cracks between groups of people. If you smooth this out by making it public it just removes tools for the players to play.
Secondly, I would LOVE to see more of the strategic talk be incorporated into the show, whether that's DM's (seeing Settled/Solo's dm was hilarious) or recorded private conversations or whatever. Especially if players are wheeling and dealing more than what we're seeing. I also know that this is a tall ask to include in addition to the show so no stress. It would just be nice for my reality brain to follow the strategy side of things a little more closely. Maybe like, bonus content if it's not too much work (I know it's all work though so again I understand if this isn't feasible)
Thirdly, I've outlined my issues with Season 4's format but I also understand that many people might want a skill focused season with "the best player" winning, but there are still ways to include the Social Strategy elements:
Have challenges that allow and reward collusion! This lets alliances play a stronger factor in overall challenge placement on a round to round basis. Having hosted many similar games myself online I have actually hundreds of potential ideas but here's some really simple examples:
Gieliguessr played individually, but allow the players to talk privately and share information. This way, players in the same alliance can help each other compete whereas players who aren't in alliances must rely on their own skills. Boaty can do his thing while alliances can help each other as best they can.
Individual Money Making challenge but allow players to combine money if they wish. Alliances could choose to funnel their money into a two players to guarantee control at the Tribunal but at the risk of leaving themselves vulnerable to being picked, as well as any penalties that occur for low placements, or they could split money evenly across the alliance hoping for group general safety, or any sort of combination they like. It creates more interesting strategic dynamics layered on top of the skill based game. Risk and Reward.
Another way to add social strategy into the game is by adding an In-Game Currency. In The Genius every player starts with a currency token called a Garnet. These tokens do two things. Firstly, they directly correspond to the prize money at the end (you receive money based on the number of tokens you have at the end) Secondly, they can be spent in challenges to gain advantages. One example could be purchasing extra starting cash in a challenge like Top Gear, or buying an early updated picture in Gieliguessr. I think this would be a more compelling potential reward for the Amulet of Choice than the 200M cash stack, especially because you could always say "Every token at the end of the game can be exchanged for prize money" and you don't even lose out on that option. You could reward these tokens for top 3 finishes, or scale a reward based on general performance (If you score above X threshold you get Y tokens) and if you want to get extra spicy you can copy The Genius exactly and say that whenever you defeat another player in the Banning, you receive all of their tokens yourself. So now you have a secondary targeting criteria for bannings, as you might target a player because they have a LOT of tokens and you want to win them. This also means that the players can use these tokens as bargaining tools, promising tokens in exchange for not being sent into the banning or for helping out in a challenge.
Lastly there's a mechanic that almost all of these reality shows have that GG is missing, and that's the Jury. In games like Survivor or Big Brother, the Jury is a handful of eliminated players (usually the 7-9 most recently eliminated by the time of the finale) who at the end, cast their vote that ultimately decides the winner from a final 2 or 3 players. It is the ultimate turnabout of the players needing to play strategically hard to make it to the end, but also have enough positive sway with these players to curry their vote.
Obviously GG shouldn't have this, as I think that ultimately this is a game of skill and should reward skill, but what they CAN do is what The Genius does, and allow eliminated players to give small advantages to a finalist of their choice. This would do 3 really important things for the finale of GG:

1. It lets all the eliminated players get one last hurrah and feels like a nice capstone to their journey. It feels good from an entertainment perspective to see all those faces again and for them to be able to impact the finale.
   
2. It means that the way you maneuver throughout the game DOES have tangible consequences in the finale and it means that alliances and friendships play a slightly more involved role in the voting mechanics throughout the game since players may be afraid of a particular player being super popular with the eliminated contestants.
   
3. It gives less skilled players a genuine chance to overcome the odds and win. It makes me a little sad feeling like there are several players who just have such a strong chance to win that it's hard to root for other people when they still have to overcome these overdogs at some point, and I think that having a mechanic that allows for the eliminated players to put their finger on the scales ever so slightly is a great way to both create tension for the finale games and even the odds and reward social strategy and all the things that I (and hopefully the other viewers) love about the show without taking away the skill focus.
   

The biggest rule I always tell people when they want to host ORG's on their own is to give the players control. If you give the players tools, they will find all manner of creative ways to use them that you never dreamed of. The more you restrict their options the flatter and less interesting the game will become. But you also need to keep a short leash. Give them a variety of small powers, but don't allow for situations to be overpowered. Make sure that sabotages and advantages don't break a game, and try to create scenarios that will allow any player to have an interesting story. You will be surprised by how much an unsuspecting strategic powerhouse can come from the unlikeliest of people if you give them the right tools and circumstance.
Above all, when in doubt, let the players play.
I want to thank anyone who reads my ramblings and I don't want to cause any distress, I'm not trying to rag on anyone or complain because I LOVE the show so much and I want it to be the best it can be, and I like to think I have at least some expertise when it comes to this exact kind of thing so I wanted to share my non-Runescape opinion and see what y'all think and what y'all value and maybe I'm completely off the mark for what GG is trying to do but I'd love to see what you have to say regarding anything I've said.
... I also may have made a Runescape account because I just want to know more about this game and this world because it seems so fun and cool.

Preface: I grew up in a white christian Bible Belt during this time. Tbh, only a few counties away from where Taylor grew up.
I grew up on her music. Debut was the first CD i purchased with my own money, I wanted to learn guitar to be just like Taylor and start writing my own songs. I even had a guitar for a few years that I couldn’t learn for shit, turns out ya need good dexterity for that.
Then, around Fearless/Speak Now, she blew up in my social circle. The girls at my youth group and Girl Scout troops couldn’t get enough of her and took her on as their persona. Since she was in that pop/country transition, in my area, she was EVERYWHERE! I felt like I couldn’t escape her. So I distanced myself as a fan.
Then came the Tumblr years, I’m talking the Harry Styles dating era. The albums Red and 1989 were my jams and I started to come back as a fan. I actively followed her dating life, considered myself a Swiftie, and bought her music on iTunes. I think I was around 15/16 at the time. Prime Swiftie demographic! It was fun, life was simple, but then I grew up.
My music tastes started shifting from Taylor and 1D to emo bands, I discovered Fall Out Boy, MCR and Green Day. I started to develop the style that I have to this day.
Frankly, for awhile I forget about Swift. Reputation was something I only had a passing interest in because I loved Todrick Hall. She fell off my radar completely for Folklore and Evermore, and left a small blip in my brain due to that horrific song ME!
However, during that time, it felt easy to avoid Swift as a whole. Had her blocked on Spotify. Now, since Midnights and TTPD came out, she’s inescapable. I have a close friend that worships her to the point of the “mother” terminology and you can’t even have a critical conversation regarding TS with her.
Normally, if I don’t like a certain celebrity, they’re fairly easy to avoid. Don’t listen to their music or watch their media. The cult of Taylor Swift is inescapable. Even on subs that have nothing to do with her, she’s still mentioned in some capacity. In TikTok’s and Reels, her music is used and trending. I know too much of her newer music despite never even queuing her up on Spotify.
I feel like that’s my biggest issue with her, besides the Matty Healy stuff, jet emissions, Travis Kelce as a whole, and so on and so forth. She is truly everywhere. Her cult is everywhere. And, unfortunately, it creates a bitterness towards the pop culture landscape for allowing her space to cultivate this environment.
She’s a basic, rich, white woman who grew up privileged. A Mary Sue of the music industry for girls and women to project themselves on. She creates new identities and aesthetics for each “era”, making it even harder to discern her true personality. How do we even tell any personality if she keeps switching up depending on her album?
Stay mad swifties. I was once one of you, when I was a child, a teenager. I have vastly different life experiences, a lower socioeconomic status, and even a different neurotype than Taylor, yet I still listened to her. However, I grew up from her music.
Music isn’t made for everyone and that’s ok! Not liking Swift isn’t some moral failing! I found out she did a song with Fall Out Boy, one of my all time favorite bands. How did I react? I was like “oh, that sucks,” didn’t bother listening, and moved on! I didn’t burn my merch or boycott FOB because of that! I’m still a huge fan of them! Music artists are not meant to define your personality. They may help shape it but they don’t define.
All I can say is to stay mad and grow the fuck up! Find other hobbies or interests. Never make a single person your personality. Especially a billionaire pop star who wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire.
(Also feel free to critique and provide feedback on my writing. I try to make it conversational and casual. Thanks!)

I'd like to know if there are people who can relate to this. Sorry, it's a long post !
For context, I'm a trans dude, genderfaun to be more accurate (fluid between male and non-binary). I'm 160cm and weighed ~55kg pre-T.
I've always been very VERY dysphoric about my chest, and I thought my body was kinda hot, but it just wasn't mine. I wanted a male or a very androgynous body. Not having body/facial hair didn't make me dysphoric but I wanted it still. My voice felt icky and I absolutely hated that people assumed I was a girl because of it. I felt much more comfortable with he/him or it/its pronouns, sometimes they/them. I have tried forcing myself to be a girl around the age of 18 but the only way I could cope with being a girl was by sexualizing myself a lot, and always saying I was a lesbian, because it was the only 'fem' thing that helped my dysphoria a bit. Basically, being a girl was only fine in a sexual way, probably bc I'm a bit attracted to girls so it was the only enjoyable way to be a girl (sorry, I don't really know how to explain that). I ended up accepting I was NOT a girl and it was so relieving, I felt like I could finally be myself, whether I wanted to be fem, masc or androgynous, whether I was dating boys, girls or enbies (dating guys as a girl was very dysphoria inducing), I didn't hate sharing my name or pronouns anymore, I was able to recognize myself in the mirror a bit, and dysphoria was less violent in general.
I came out to my family and school at 19, started testosterone around 21 (~0.5mL per month) and got top surgery two weeks ago (I'll be 23 in less than a month). I'm extremely happy about top surgery and I have absolutely no regrets about that, I literally can't express how happy it made and still makes me. My chest finally feels like it's the way it was always supposed to be.
Now the issue is testosterone. I love having a deeper voice, I love that it changed my face a bit (though I wish there were more changes), I love having more body hair and I can't wait to have actual facial hair. I love most of the fat redistribution. I want an Adam's apple and more body hair. I wouldn't mind masculine hands, limbs, etc. However there's one thing I dislike: having wider shoulders (this happened very quickly), as I feel a bit disproportionated now, and one thing I absolutely hate: I took around 20kg since I started T. It might be worth noting that I used to have a severe eating disorder, and taking T made me hungrier and helped me overcome some parts of my ED. However I have always been scared to be fat and now that I am actually fat (160cm / 72kg) I feel uncomfortable with my body. I feel heavy and ugly. I plan to do sports (which I haven't done in years) once I recovered from TS, but I don't want to be muscular. I just want to be a twink or an otter tbh. I also don't eat as much as I should (other people's words, not mine) but what I eat is mostly junk. I've been thinking more and more about stopping T but I still want some of the effects- aka body and facial hair, body fat redistribution, my voice to lower again, my face structure to change, my periods to stay away, etc. Basically, I love all the changes except the ones making me bigger and wider. I also feel less dysphoric when family members use she/her for me (but hate when strangers do it). I love some feminine stuffs and I sometimes experience gender envy when seeing some women or femboys (but only about their style). I am afraid of balding. I hate that I appear as cringe when trying to dress cute, when I didn't appear as such when viewed as a girl. I guess I'm just a bit scared that I'm not actually a guy and transitioning was a mistake. I know how stupid and illogical that sounds, because I always tell everyone that they can be fem guys or masc girls, that they are valid, that it's normal to hate the 'negative' effects of hormones (I mean, a lot of cis dudes hate balding too), I know I most likely feel okay with family members accidentally misgendering me because I feel better than I have ever felt in my entire life. I just hate that one of my worst fears, being fat, has became reality, and I know how terrible it is to think that way too, but I just can't help it. It's completely okay to be fat, but I feel uncomfortable as such.
Does anyone have a similar experience ? If yes, how did or do you overcome it ? How was it, or is it, to do sports for you ? What has helped you accepting yourself ? Do you guys think I made a mistake when transitioning ??? I know I most likely didn't, but I need other people's opinions

This is Kazuki-sensei's past X post about Evaluation of Rozemyne’s female retainers by Laurenz.
Note: He's talking to Mathias in his brain.

[Gretia]
Laurenz: Those breasts! That is probably Gretia's best weapon.
Mathias: Laurenz, you look very different from before. And there's more to her than that, isn't there?
Laurenz: It's a power that obliterates everything else, don't you think? I won't tell anyone, if you think I'm timid because I look frightened and try to hide behind others, I'm not, and I say some pretty harsh things. You're stubborn and don't listen to other people's advice. If you try to help him, he shakes your hand away and stares at you with his blue-green eyes. It's a whole lot of cute to see a weak creature desperately trying to intimidate you.
Translated with DeepL.com (free version)

Well, Laurenz just doesn't say it out loud, which is probably still a good thing...

How do I tell a friend I've evolved past them ?
I think I've outgrown this friend?
I have this friend that I've known since I was 19 years old and she was 28 going on 29.. there's a nine year age gap between us. Now I'm 40 years old going on 41 and she is newly 50. We are both in very different places in our lives from each other now and also from our former selves back then. My life has gotten a lot harder, while hers has stayed relatively the same. When she met me I was just a young girl practically a kid with hope for the future I was in this cult like Christian non denominational church that told me I needed to reach out to people and convert them and lay my life down for them.
So I did everything for her . I was a nurturing friend and I think in her mind that's what our friendship was based on. I left the church at age 21 because I got tired of them controlling me and telling me that I could only date men in the church and I left because I met a guy that I liked. Well he ended up dumping me 2 months later and then I got into a relationship that was my rebound but I ended up being with him and having a baby with him. That baby is now a 15 year old girl.
it has been a lot of ups and downs for me, and life in my twenties was no picnic. Nor was life in my 30s as a single mom. I spent a lot of hard years and hardships. My parents divorced when my daughter was two years old due to my mom's infidelity for 3 years and then 3 years later my dad had died of sepsis when I was 29 going on 30 and I was absolutely devastated for a long time and was bitter towards my mom. Her parents are still together and still the same as they were except her dad now has dementia but he hes 85 years old now. And her mom has run of the mill health issues.
My mom now has s Parkinson's and I don't live with her the guy that she chose over my dad is still living with her and I've gotten over my hatred of him but it's just awkward and doesn't feel like my childhood home. She has that childhood home to still go to. That parental unit. Until she loses one of them she'll never really understand what I went through. And even then it still won't be the same because first I lost them as a unit when they divorced and lost what I thought they were in love. it was very hard to watch my dad get destroyed by that divorce and infidelity.
Flash Forward my daughter's dad and I split up in 2015 and I lived on my own for 5 years. I had a lot of trouble with diagnosed OCD social anxiety falling behind on bills etc. I even had to move in with my mom for a couple of months because I just couldn't manage my finances and n being a single mom anymore. My daughter's dad had a mental breakdown and wasn't able to help me and I didn't hit him up for child support either I never filed because I was too nice. Long story short during the pandemic in 2020 everything got turned upside down
Backtracking , in 2019 I found this really cute place a couple months after moving back in w my mom and for once in my life I started to feel like I had reached self-actualization. I had a little Chihuahua that I loved and my cat and my daughter and were all doing great and thriving in our social lives and work and nl school lives. I even had a girls group that I hung out with but that dispersed due to a disagreement that me and a friend had over something stupid.
anyways, to make a long story short my friend has had a lot of good things happen to her that I have not. My friend still has is both her parents. she's already been through three marriages whereas I've never married . she signed away her parental rights to her son who was four at the time when she and her husband divorced and she moved in with her parents and they took her under their wing again.
Her parents have always bailed her out they've always had really good jobs, she grew up with privilege and luxury. I grew up with some privilege and luxury too but not quite like her but all of that got snipped away from me when my parents divorced. my parents were just nurses so they made pretty good money but we lived in the Bay area where it's very expensive. So does she.
Anyways she's now married to a guy that she met off the internet and I'm back with my daughter's dad and I'm unhappy but I don't know how to leave because I have horrible credit and I have no way of getting out of here and I don't make enough at my current job and I'm actively looking but honestly the pandemic really did a number on both me and my daughter and I don't mean just the virus itself but I mean socially and emotionally. It really set both of us back and caused my daughter to regress and it caused me to get knocked off of whatever progress I was making in my personal life towards becoming a better version of myself. Anyways this friend I feel like hasn't been through as much as me and she's been sheltered from a lot of heartache even at the age of 50. I feel like she dodged a bullet with raising her son and now her son is turning out to be great and doing really well in life at the age of 25 but that's to no credit of hers, it's through his paternal grandparents who did an excellent job raising him into the young man that he is today, but she tries to take credit .
my daughter has had a lot of struggles emotionally and was diagnosed with autism spectrum a couple of years ago. So basically I feel like I've had it much harder than her I know it's not fair to compare my sorrow to others and we all have our share of problems but I just feel like it's the honest objective truth. She hasn't been through what I've been through and it shows because she's still pretty much the same as when we met her whereas me I'm a totally different person than I was at 19. and I feel like she has this fixed image of me in her head as being this young, wholesome 19-year-old girl who is going to church and reaching out to her and always wearing nice church clothes and we're always going on camping trips with our church and congregation and doing all these fun things and I was just this wholesome young sweet girl who hadn't yet been through anything in life. I feel like that version of me is long gone and dead or at least buried somewhere inside of me somewhere and she's not coming back and yet my friend I feel like still sees me as that. Anytime something goes wrong or good in her life she wants to call me. Anytime she wants to brag she wants to call me. It's like I'm always the first person she wants to tell things to and I really don't understand why, especially since she has a husband that she's been married to for 3 years . I feel like that should be the person she goes to she claims she's in love with him and happy with him so shouldn't that be her best friend and not me?
I don't really tell her anything about my life , but she also doesn't really ask. I don't feel like telling her and I don't feel like confiding in her. Besides every time I try to she's kind of mentally slow and it takes her forever to process every little detail of what I'm telling her and she can't even keep up and it's honestly exhausting talking to her.
Anyways this friend of mine also doesn't respect my need for space. She'll call me and if I don't answer she'll text and ask if I can talk I'll say I can't right now I'm busy and she'll ask when can I talk or what am I up to she'll try to find a way to squeeze herself into my day and have a conversation with me it almost feels for us. If I don't text her back, she'll then message me on Facebook and go on a like bench on all of my status and photos it's kind of creepy and annoying to be honest with you and it really feels like an invasion of my personal space and like she's not taking the social cue that I do not want to talk to her right now.
She also is insensitive and tone deaf to my financial situation she knows that I want to go on vacation and feel like I'm missing out on life and that I don't often get to do much of anything because of my finances. And yet when she goes on vacation she continues to brag about how much fun she had and everything that she did.
Recently she went to Vegas and I saw the post about it on her Facebook and I like the status even. but she still seemed to want validation for me because she texted me the day she got back and was telling me all about it in a text after she called and I didn't answer. I said oh I forgot you went there that sounds fun. She then asked if I could talk and I said I was busy making dinner I was hoping she'd take the hint that I didn't want to hear about her Vegas trip. I've tried telling her how I feel when she does bring them up I explain to her sometimes it's hard for me to be happy for you or other people because I'm going through a difficult time in my own life. I'm happy for that you can take vacations but I was also like these things for myself and right now my personal circumstances and finances are not allowing for me to have that in my life. And she got kind of butt hurt and whined at me and "so why can't you just be happy for me." And I told her I just was not there yet and that I'm not in a good headspace and to not take it personally and if we could just talk about more neutral topics like Netflix or anything else but bragging about her vacations and yet she hasn't gotten a hint or considered my feelings.
It's to the point now where I resent her and I am ultra critical of her in every single way. But mostly it is manifested to where I'm critical of how she looks. She's not the most attractive woman in the world, she's actually borderline obese and she only gets bigger and bigger as the years go by. A few years ago when she was not as old as she is now people even random multiple people would assume she was pregnant because she's very apple-shaped and though she's heavy all over, her stomach in particular is very round and swollen and big and it honestly does look like a pregnant woman. But now she's too old so people know that she's just fat and apple-shaped. And I find myself being critical of her like why don't you ever try to improve yourself? Why don't you ever go to a gym or eat cleaner or go for walks? I brought up the gym and said how I have gone there for free that down their guest pass. Because she asked what I did that day, and not because I was trying to tell her to go to one. And she voluntarily said how she doesn't go to gyms and doesn't exercise that much because she broke her foot while falling when she was sick with covid 2 years ago. But that was 2 years ago! And she says how she can't really go for walks or do much exercise. And in my mind I was thinking "but yet you can go out to eat, you can go to movies, and you can walk along the strip in Vegas with your husband but you can't walk around your own neighborhood"?
And I find myself being critical of everything she does but especially things like that. And I find that I think it is because I'm jealous so I have to focus on her very obvious flaws which is that she is overweight and apple-shaped and all these other flaws about her like her character flaws, like how she sleeps late because she stays up all night and has bipolar disorder and takes bipolar meds and she works part-time a few hours a day and is collecting disability and this has been going on for 20 plus years this is her life. And I know those meds can cause weight gain as a side effect but she just gets bigger and bigger and I guess I feel like she's not ashamed of it and she's not even really aware doesn't care and I guess I find myself critical of that as well? I've never had a problem with my weight I've actually been underweight most of my life and now I'm finally at a normal BMI of 107 pounds and I'm 5'2. I don't know her weight and I've never asked it wouldn't be appropriate but I do find myself being critical and I think that her being overweight is a manifestation of her character. She's entitled, she's self-absorbed, she's lazy, and she's lazy because everything has been handed to her she was born with a silver spoon in her mouth and everything has been made easy for her.
She's always gotten off Scot free of things her parents have always bailed her out she got to dodge motherhood and now take credit for her well-adjusted grown up son it just doesn't seem fair to me , and yes I'm bitter and I'm jealous at home my life turned out and how her's turned out.
And I admit there's a part of me that even thinks my life should be better than hers I'm better looking than her I'm slimmer than her why is her life easier and better than mine? Why has she been married many times and I've never even been married once? I admit when I was living alone it was hard for me to date because my daughter was little than a night and feel comfortable bringing strange men over my house where me and my daughter lived or going to their place a lot of the times I would meet men on dating apps and they would take me out to eat and do nice things but then they turned out to be jerks who just wanted sex. I've had more than my share of disappointment and heartache and then they're also times where I should have given nice guys chances and I didn't because for some reason I was afraid to and I didn't want to take the relationship any further because I was jealous that my daughter's dad would hear and get jealous. And yes I do regret that. I didn't really give myself a chance to get married or have those good things.
Why does she get to have parents and a loving family and a support system and I don't? She doesn't even do anything to improve her own life or do anything to be healthy or lose weight or do anything and I guess I feel like nobody has ever been mean to her or put her in her place or humbled her in any way and it shows because she's sheltered and yet she's not ashamed of being so big . and most consider her unattractive she's not just a big pretty woman she actually has really thin hair and a big nose and there's nothing really pretty or attractive about her face either and yet she somehow still comes across as kind of entitled and snobby sometimes because of her upbringing. Her parents are skinny and healthy and they were vegan so it is kind of ironic considering those are her parents. So I know that her weight problem is not genetic either.
And I know that this is mean of me and it's probably going to get a lot of people ticked off on me and saying bad things to me but I just have to lay it all out here. My question is should I end this friendship and how do I do it? It's gotten to the point now where I can't stand to be around her or hear anything about her life and all I can think of is very mean thoughts about her

I think I've outgrown this friend?
I have this friend that I've known since I was 19 years old and she was 28 going on 29.. there's a nine year age gap between us. Now I'm 40 years old going on 41 and she is newly 50. We are both in very different places in our lives from each other now and also from our former selves back then. My life has gotten a lot harder, while hers has stayed relatively the same. When she met me I was just a young girl practically a kid with hope for the future I was in this cult like Christian non denominational church that told me I needed to reach out to people and convert them and lay my life down for them.
So I did everything for her . I was a nurturing friend and I think in her mind that's what our friendship was based on. I left the church at age 21 because I got tired of them controlling me and telling me that I could only date men in the church and I left because I met a guy that I liked. Well he ended up dumping me 2 months later and then I got into a relationship that was my rebound but I ended up being with him and having a baby with him. That baby is now a 15 year old girl.
it has been a lot of ups and downs for me, and life in my twenties was no picnic. Nor was life in my 30s as a single mom. I spent a lot of hard years and hardships. My parents divorced when my daughter was two years old due to my mom's infidelity for 3 years and then 3 years later my dad had died of sepsis when I was 29 going on 30 and I was absolutely devastated for a long time and was bitter towards my mom. Her parents are still together and still the same as they were except her dad now has dementia but he hes 85 years old now. And her mom has run of the mill health issues.
My mom now has s Parkinson's and I don't live with her the guy that she chose over my dad is still living with her and I've gotten over my hatred of him but it's just awkward and doesn't feel like my childhood home. She has that childhood home to still go to. That parental unit. Until she loses one of them she'll never really understand what I went through. And even then it still won't be the same because first I lost them as a unit when they divorced and lost what I thought they were in love. it was very hard to watch my dad get destroyed by that divorce and infidelity.
Flash Forward my daughter's dad and I split up in 2015 and I lived on my own for 5 years. I had a lot of trouble with diagnosed OCD social anxiety falling behind on bills etc. I even had to move in with my mom for a couple of months because I just couldn't manage my finances and n being a single mom anymore. My daughter's dad had a mental breakdown and wasn't able to help me and I didn't hit him up for child support either I never filed because I was too nice. Long story short during the pandemic in 2020 everything got turned upside down
Backtracking , in 2019 I found this really cute place a couple months after moving back in w my mom and for once in my life I started to feel like I had reached self-actualization. I had a little Chihuahua that I loved and my cat and my daughter and were all doing great and thriving in our social lives and work and nl school lives. I even had a girls group that I hung out with but that dispersed due to a disagreement that me and a friend had over something stupid.
anyways, to make a long story short my friend has had a lot of good things happen to her that I have not. My friend still has is both her parents. she's already been through three marriages whereas I've never married . she signed away her parental rights to her son who was four at the time when she and her husband divorced and she moved in with her parents and they took her under their wing again.
Her parents have always bailed her out they've always had really good jobs, she grew up with privilege and luxury. I grew up with some privilege and luxury too but not quite like her but all of that got snipped away from me when my parents divorced. my parents were just nurses so they made pretty good money but we lived in the Bay area where it's very expensive. So does she.
Anyways she's now married to a guy that she met off the internet and I'm back with my daughter's dad and I'm unhappy but I don't know how to leave because I have horrible credit and I have no way of getting out of here and I don't make enough at my current job and I'm actively looking but honestly the pandemic really did a number on both me and my daughter and I don't mean just the virus itself but I mean socially and emotionally. It really set both of us back and caused my daughter to regress and it caused me to get knocked off of whatever progress I was making in my personal life towards becoming a better version of myself. Anyways this friend I feel like hasn't been through as much as me and she's been sheltered from a lot of heartache even at the age of 50. I feel like she dodged a bullet with raising her son and now her son is turning out to be great and doing really well in life at the age of 25 but that's to no credit of hers, it's through his paternal grandparents who did an excellent job raising him into the young man that he is today, but she tries to take credit .
my daughter has had a lot of struggles emotionally and was diagnosed with autism spectrum a couple of years ago. So basically I feel like I've had it much harder than her I know it's not fair to compare my sorrow to others and we all have our share of problems but I just feel like it's the honest objective truth. She hasn't been through what I've been through and it shows because she's still pretty much the same as when we met her whereas me I'm a totally different person than I was at 19. and I feel like she has this fixed image of me in her head as being this young, wholesome 19-year-old girl who is going to church and reaching out to her and always wearing nice church clothes and we're always going on camping trips with our church and congregation and doing all these fun things and I was just this wholesome young sweet girl who hadn't yet been through anything in life. I feel like that version of me is long gone and dead or at least buried somewhere inside of me somewhere and she's not coming back and yet my friend I feel like still sees me as that. Anytime something goes wrong or good in her life she wants to call me. Anytime she wants to brag she wants to call me. It's like I'm always the first person she wants to tell things to and I really don't understand why, especially since she has a husband that she's been married to for 3 years . I feel like that should be the person she goes to she claims she's in love with him and happy with him so shouldn't that be her best friend and not me?
I don't really tell her anything about my life , but she also doesn't really ask. I don't feel like telling her and I don't feel like confiding in her. Besides every time I try to she's kind of mentally slow and it takes her forever to process every little detail of what I'm telling her and she can't even keep up and it's honestly exhausting talking to her.
Anyways this friend of mine also doesn't respect my need for space. She'll call me and if I don't answer she'll text and ask if I can talk I'll say I can't right now I'm busy and she'll ask when can I talk or what am I up to she'll try to find a way to squeeze herself into my day and have a conversation with me it almost feels for us. If I don't text her back, she'll then message me on Facebook and go on a like bench on all of my status and photos it's kind of creepy and annoying to be honest with you and it really feels like an invasion of my personal space and like she's not taking the social cue that I do not want to talk to her right now.
She also is insensitive and tone deaf to my financial situation she knows that I want to go on vacation and feel like I'm missing out on life and that I don't often get to do much of anything because of my finances. And yet when she goes on vacation she continues to brag about how much fun she had and everything that she did.
Recently she went to Vegas and I saw the post about it on her Facebook and I like the status even. but she still seemed to want validation for me because she texted me the day she got back and was telling me all about it in a text after she called and I didn't answer. I said oh I forgot you went there that sounds fun. She then asked if I could talk and I said I was busy making dinner I was hoping she'd take the hint that I didn't want to hear about her Vegas trip. I've tried telling her how I feel when she does bring them up I explain to her sometimes it's hard for me to be happy for you or other people because I'm going through a difficult time in my own life. I'm happy for that you can take vacations but I was also like these things for myself and right now my personal circumstances and finances are not allowing for me to have that in my life. And she got kind of butt hurt and whined at me and "so why can't you just be happy for me." And I told her I just was not there yet and that I'm not in a good headspace and to not take it personally and if we could just talk about more neutral topics like Netflix or anything else but bragging about her vacations and yet she hasn't gotten a hint or considered my feelings.
It's to the point now where I resent her and I am ultra critical of her in every single way. But mostly it is manifested to where I'm critical of how she looks. She's not the most attractive woman in the world, she's actually borderline obese and she only gets bigger and bigger as the years go by. A few years ago when she was not as old as she is now people even random multiple people would assume she was pregnant because she's very apple-shaped and though she's heavy all over, her stomach in particular is very round and swollen and big and it honestly does look like a pregnant woman. But now she's too old so people know that she's just fat and apple-shaped. And I find myself being critical of her like why don't you ever try to improve yourself? Why don't you ever go to a gym or eat cleaner or go for walks? I brought up the gym and said how I have gone there for free that down their guest pass. Because she asked what I did that day, and not because I was trying to tell her to go to one. And she voluntarily said how she doesn't go to gyms and doesn't exercise that much because she broke her foot while falling when she was sick with covid 2 years ago. But that was 2 years ago! And she says how she can't really go for walks or do much exercise. And in my mind I was thinking "but yet you can go out to eat, you can go to movies, and you can walk along the strip in Vegas with your husband but you can't walk around your own neighborhood"?
And I find myself being critical of everything she does but especially things like that. And I find that I think it is because I'm jealous so I have to focus on her very obvious flaws which is that she is overweight and apple-shaped and all these other flaws about her like her character flaws, like how she sleeps late because she stays up all night and has bipolar disorder and takes bipolar meds and she works part-time a few hours a day and is collecting disability and this has been going on for 20 plus years this is her life. And I know those meds can cause weight gain as a side effect but she just gets bigger and bigger and I guess I feel like she's not ashamed of it and she's not even really aware doesn't care and I guess I find myself critical of that as well? I've never had a problem with my weight I've actually been underweight most of my life and now I'm finally at a normal BMI of 107 pounds and I'm 5'2. I don't know her weight and I've never asked it wouldn't be appropriate but I do find myself being critical and I think that her being overweight is a manifestation of her character. She's entitled, she's self-absorbed, she's lazy, and she's lazy because everything has been handed to her she was born with a silver spoon in her mouth and everything has been made easy for her.
She's always gotten off Scot free of things her parents have always bailed her out she got to dodge motherhood and now take credit for her well-adjusted grown up son it just doesn't seem fair to me , and yes I'm bitter and I'm jealous at home my life turned out and how her's turned out.
And I admit there's a part of me that even thinks my life should be better than hers I'm better looking than her I'm slimmer than her why is her life easier and better than mine? Why has she been married many times and I've never even been married once? I admit when I was living alone it was hard for me to date because my daughter was little than a night and feel comfortable bringing strange men over my house where me and my daughter lived or going to their place a lot of the times I would meet men on dating apps and they would take me out to eat and do nice things but then they turned out to be jerks who just wanted sex. I've had more than my share of disappointment and heartache and then they're also times where I should have given nice guys chances and I didn't because for some reason I was afraid to and I didn't want to take the relationship any further because I was jealous that my daughter's dad would hear and get jealous. And yes I do regret that. I didn't really give myself a chance to get married or have those good things.
Why does she get to have parents and a loving family and a support system and I don't? She doesn't even do anything to improve her own life or do anything to be healthy or lose weight or do anything and I guess I feel like nobody has ever been mean to her or put her in her place or humbled her in any way and it shows because she's sheltered and yet she's not ashamed of being so big . and most consider her unattractive she's not just a big pretty woman she actually has really thin hair and a big nose and there's nothing really pretty or attractive about her face either and yet she somehow still comes across as kind of entitled and snobby sometimes because of her upbringing. Her parents are skinny and healthy and they were vegan so it is kind of ironic considering those are her parents. So I know that her weight problem is not genetic either.
And I know that this is mean of me and it's probably going to get a lot of people ticked off on me and saying bad things to me but I just have to lay it all out here. My question is should I end this friendship and how do I do it? It's gotten to the point now where I can't stand to be around her or hear anything about her life and all I can think of is very mean thoughts about her

We all, hopefully, know by now what happened at the finale of „Full Moon“. But let me put it into a short summary. (Please, feel free to skip this part!)

• Blitzø climbs into Stolas‘ room, ready for some sexy time
• Stolas asks Blitz for his Spell-book back, permanently.
• Blitzø freaks out, thinking about the sexual deal they both have and tries to „make up“ for it
• Stolas, though flustered, blocks Blitzø‘s attempts and goes to the bookshelf
• Blitzø pleads for the book, his business in mind
• Stolas presents the Asmodian-Crystal and explains, that their deal is therefore nullified
• Blitzø freaks out and promises to do better, his relationship with Stolas in mind
• Stolas explains, that his gift comes from love and that he has recently realised, that their deal was wrong, being exploited for sex. Stolas makes clear, that he likes Blitzø and only wants him to stay, because he actively chooses to.
• Blitzø, having been confused the entire conversation, now thinks he finally understands that Stolas is just joking and this is just part of a roleplay. He says „Oh Stolas, I‘ll stay with you. I love you so much.“, in a very unserious tone.
• Stolas stops him, thanks him for the time they both had and for awakening him, and wishes his best for his business.
• After Blitzø, again confused, asked that he was serious, wtf?, Stolas has already begun leaving the room, avoiding any eye contact. He elaborates, that he interprets Blitzø‘s dismissal as a representation of his true feelings, that he sees Stolas only as a time to time sexual partner and nothing more.
• Blitzø now loses it, insults Stolas, and shouts about how Stolas has caught him by surprise with his sudden emotional reveal and has not given him time to think after everything Stolas put him through, treat him like his „butler imps“, calls out Stolas royal status and accuses him of abusing imps because they are seen as commoners. Blitzø refuses to be subjected to Stolas royal superiority and challenges him („Let‘s go!“)
• Stolas final response, before kicking Blitzø out of his mansion is „Blitzø. I think so very highly of you. I didn‘t realise you think so low of me. Goodbye, Blitzø“
• Blitzø mutters what is supposedly an apology but before he can get his words out, he has already been transported outside the premises and shouts in frustration.

Now, throughout the whole show (Which , oh noo, I had to watch again for this purpose ;) ), there is multiples instances that give evidence that lead to the main problems of their fallout.
Now, I‘m no analysis-expert nor that bright, so please do give some input if you want to add something or correct me!
Point 1:
Stolas is his fathers son.
Through my rewatch there was something odd that I have noticed. Just one tiny visual gag. Nothing important… Right?
Well, when Stolas brings his daughter to Loo Loo Land and they both watch the performance of Robotic Fizzarolli, Stolas laughs and claps in glee… The absolute same way his father has done, when he brought Stolas to the circus and they watched the clowns.
(The pictures attached are a reference here)
This is a direct connection to Stolas behaviours and his fathers. If we observe both scenes further, they are eerily similar to each other. Both contain a father, wrongly assuming that their child would enjoy a circus performance and completely ignoring that their child is miserable.
Now the big difference is, that Stolas cares deeply about Octavia, while Paimon, Stolas Father, has barely given a fuck about Stolas. So there are thankfully redeemable qualities about Stolas‘ parenting style. A bit harder to redeem is:
Point 2:
The Goetia are racist and classist.
Beginning with Paimon literally buying Blitzø for his son‘s entertainment and ending with Stolas‘ language and behaviour towards Imps in general.
Paimon taught Stolas about his place in hell. And that Imps are the lower class. Hence Stolas not being permitted to show Blitzø any respect at his stay over.
„Don‘t bow to that one! He bows to us, idiot.“ - Paimon
Blitzø’s reaction beforehand, when he is informed that he has to spend a day with one of the Goetia princes is audibly „Ew“, implying his discomfort towards the Goetia. Therefore already having been taught to dislike the Goetia by his Imp-Family and Friends.
Now, furthermore, Stolas even in his young and innocent child years already shows signs of his classist tendencies. When they are hanging out by the tree and Blitzo talks about his dreams and having an office. He then says.
„Yeah, and if you apply, I‘ll hire you… maybe.“ To which Stolas responds laughing: „You, hire me?“
In context, it is innocent and Stolas remains nice and respectful towards Blitzø‘s ambitions. But Stolas here is already aware of the irony. An Imp employing a member of the powerful Goetia? Preposterous!
In his adulthood, From the beginning of the series up to, I guess S01E06 „Truth Seekers“ Stolas keeps referring to Blitzø and his pals as little Imps. The most severe case of Blitzø‘s Objectification by Stolas is actually also the last, where in „Truth Seekers“ Stolas calls Blitzø his „Impish little Plaything“.
Stolas was repeatedly racist, classist and just a tad disrespectful towards Blitzø. The impact and damage of that is quite large, as seen by their fight in the latest episode.
The reason for that is established. He learned that with his Goetia upbringing and mainly through his father. So the fault is not just Stolas here. And Stolas does better his behaviour slowly. Showing more respect towards Blitzo and Imps.
(An interesting point here is, that Stolas has not yet shown signs of resentment towards his father, nor the Goetia in general. His hatred towards Stella is, in a very small part, subconsiously a hatred towards his father and him forcing an arranged marriage towards him. Both Blitzø and Stolas have some serious parental issues. Something, that neither has properly dealt with yet. A small reason, why their conflict is in a sense poetic)
So, what is the reason, that the Owl boy is so damn horny at first? And then not?
Point 3:
Stolas sexual awakening.
We can safely assume, that Stolas is gay. There is a comment Stella makes in S02E01 „THE CIRCUS“, where she exclaims that Stolas is terrible in bed, just lies there, stares off and she has to do all the work. A common trope used to portray the anguish of gay people in a straight relationship.
Now, we can also assume, that Stolas knew that very early on. We get the impression, that Stolas has a small childhood crush on Blitzø. The first few times, Stolas sees Blitzø in the Circus, he blushes. You don‘t blush because you‘re amazed by a performer. You blush, when there are sudden romantic emotions, for example. (At least, in literature)
The Aftermath now is pure speculation. But the worldbuilding supports this. Firstly, we‘re in literal hell and love is regarded as kind of nonsensical often. (Not always, as there are lots of loving couples.) But the Goetia for example ignore love and only focus on the practicality. Childbearing. Then there is Asmodeus, who openly mocks love and makes clear, that Lust is the natural order. Stolas is an avid reader. And while there are lots of books about the human world in his possession, when it comes to hellish literature and hellish romance, it is most likely porn. And Stolas was immediately engaged to Stella, so there are also no real life experiences with proper relationships. Stolas, in his search to understand love and romance, has only hell’s (s)interpretations available. Human interpretations are, in all fairness, mundane. (see also the Goetia racism and classism) So his early manners towards Blitzø and the fact, that Stolas had no relationship outside Stella and is gay and had no actual enjoyable sex, is explained with a sudden and heavy sexual awakening. We have to remember that this Owl had 25 years of sexual Energy repressed and forced away. All his sexual fantasies stem from hellish literature. And he has no regard for romance. Up until he finds himself with sudden feelings for Blitzø. And now Stolas high comes crashing down as he is yet again in new territory of romantic love he has no idea about and has to explore on his own in an environment, where everything roots against the very nature of love. PLUS, love between a Goetia and a low life imp.
Final Point:
All considered, now view Stolas from Blitzø‘s Eyes.
A powerful Goetia Prince, that bought him as a child as a playmate, Now has treated him like, and called him a plaything for months. Has been so utterly overtly sexual towards all the time. Like, all the time. Every conversation at first was about sex. And has been actively Racist and Classist towards him and his friends, as is expected as a member of the Racist and Classist Goetia.
Blitzø‘s reaction is quite fitting.
Now, we haven‘t dealt with Blitzø‘s problems yet and… They are not as clear yet. And future episodes promise to delve into his self-worth issues and his abandonment issues. Stolas is not at fault alone. His whole uprising and environment and marital situation is at fault. The general racism and classism affects both Stolas‘ and Blitzø‘s behaviour and has, in the end, played a big role in their fight and their reactions.
As a Bonus, let‘s try to analyse every action in their fight:

• Blitzø climbs into Stolas‘ room, ready for some sexy time
• Stolas asks Blitzø for his Spell-book back, permanently.

To be honest, it seems cruel. But to be fair, Blitzø has stole from Stolas before. How much Stolas is aware of that is unknown but ensuring that he has his book and livelihood before risking it all by telling Blitzø about his true feelings is, in a weird sense, rational. Doesn‘t excuse the unnecessary emotional torment.

• Blitzø freaks out, thinking about the sexual deal they both have and tries to „make up“ for it
• Stolas, though flustered, blocks Blitzø‘s attempts and goes to the bookshelf
• Blitzø pleads for the book, his business in mind
• Stolas presents the Asmodian-Crystal and explains, that their deal is therefore nullified
• Blitzø freaks out and promises to do better, his relationship with Stolas in mind

After already knowing the details to the Asmodian Crystal, he still freaks out. He has feelings for Stolas. They both are just unsure of it.

• Stolas explains, that his gift comes from love and that he has recently realised, that their deal was wrong, being exploited for sex. Stolas makes clear, that he likes Blitzø and only wants him to stay, because he actively chooses to.

The whole order of the exchange is weird. Stolas always portrays his intentions as bad news, then explains on how it is actually good news. It sort of feels like a pattern used for manipulation. And it makes me believe, that Stolas himself has been subjected to this pattern and is just repeating it again, as is he has done with other traits.

• Blitzø, confused by the entire conversation, now thinks he finally understands that Stolas is just joking and this is just part of a roleplay. He says „Oh Stolas, I‘ll stay with you. I love you so much.“, in a very unserious tone.

The whole ordeal with Stolas sexual nature and his treatment of and language towards Blitzø leads to this: No trust. Blitzø does not trust Stolas. He can’t trust Stolas. As we have established (Stolas was always sexual, called him his plaything and so forth). The fault also lies with Blitzø probably. But a lot is also contributed by Stolas behaviour. Stolas in the past has been just sexual, why not now? Because he has been trying to develop their relationship and put some real effort in it for quite some time. Blitzø doesn’t realise that, for reasons beyond this analysis.

• Stolas stops him, thanks him for the time they both had and for awakening him, and wishes his best for his business.
• After Blitzø, again confused, asked that he was serious, wtf?, Stolas has already begun leaving the room, avoiding any eye contact. He elaborates, that he interprets Blitzø‘s dismissal as a representation of his true feelings, that he sees Stolas only as a time to time sexual partner and nothing more.

Stolas feelings have developed and became more complex. His relationship with Blitzø evolved without Blitzø. He always thought that the problem lies with the Deal and Blitzø dependency towards Stolas‘ Book. Now that the Deal is gone and Stolas for the first time believes he is able to speak his true feelings in an even playing field, his disappointment and heartbreak was the more devastating. Furthermore, he runs away and avoids eye contact, because he is ashamed and sad and wishes to be alone now… for obvious reasons. (Could also be tied with his behaviour when fighting numerous times with Stella. Though now there is the complexity of love involved. And his goal now is not hurting. So the obvious response is flight instead of fight)

• Blitzø now loses it, insults Stolas, and shouts about how Stolas has caught him by surprise with his sudden emotional reveal and has not given him time to think after everything Stolas put him through, treated him like his „butler imps“, calls out Stolas royal status and accuses him of abusing imps because they are seen as commoners. Blitzø refuses to be subjected to Stolas royal superiority and challenges him („Let‘s go!“)

The Goetia-Imp relationship has now been brought to the surface and how Blitzø through the influence of his experience, the words of Stolas, Striker and many more, views them. As well as the deep anger, festering in Blitzø. Anger, most likely not actually caused by Stolas but triggered. Though his last words in this Speech are confusing. What is Blitzø trying to go for with „Let‘s go!“? My personal theory is, that Blitzø’s way to go forward now is hate sex? Certainly not a physical fight, I believe.

• Stolas final response, before kicking Blitzø out of his mansion is „Blitzø. I think so very highly of you. I didn‘t realise you think so low of me. Goodbye, Blitzø“

Stolas teleporting Blitzø out is more of his flight responses. Though now he moved the problem away and not himself. Neat magic.

• Blitzø mutters what is supposedly an apology but before he can get his words out, he has already been transported outside the premises and shouts in frustration.

So all in all. I believe their fight is so very well written and really ties together the rampant problems their relationship has. It considers every detail and is just a really satisfying fight from a poetic viewpoint. All the more am I excited on what comes next and how certain issues are resolved. I hope both Stolas and Blitzø experience some growth. (Especially when it comes to the Goetia and Paimon‘s complete neglect and abuse)
And I do want them together at the end… I want my Owl boy happy.

My love,
My whole life I dreamed of this all consuming love. I wanted a person who I could love fearlessly and ferociously. Forever them and me against the world. Besties. Growing old but staying silly.
My home life was not great. My parents fought non stop when home but were almost never home. They were bar owners working 24/7. I took care of my baby brother. Fend for myself and vowed never to be with a man who would be so cruel and selfish as my cheating dad.
I met my person, or so I thought. 13 years of bliss. He was my person. His family and friends became mine and I felt so loved. I felt like being home. Like finally I had arrived. I was so happy. I felt that my hard work to study, work, become a good person and partner finally paid off.
I believed he would never leave me because what we had was pure and real and I would have died to protect this man. He was my world. He told me I was the love of his life. Perfect in every way. I woke up to him staring lovingly at me. My life was a fairy tale.
Sadly history repeats itself. Fairytales need a villain. Even if I tried so hard to find a better man than my dad… this man turned out te be a cheater too. A lie, a performance. He left me and told me he left because I was not enough. He deserved better than me and found it. A fear that was always dormant in me. Somewhere I believed I deserved this treatment even though I gave 110%, I was just born lacking. Undeserving of this love. I simply was not enough!
I can’t explain how broken I was. The only thing keeping me together was my dog and kind colleagues. I lost most of the friends, our family turned out to be very much his family. It was to be expected but that didn’t make it less painful. I was a ghost. People missed me, cried over me but I could only love them from another lonely realm. I died but my body kept haunting this earth.
I started to fight for me. Took care of this body that was left standing. Loved my dog and let him take me places and show me the enjoyment of little things. I pushed myself in my career. Volunteered, pushed myself on my hobby. Made new friends. I held on for dear life to become something new. Something better. The best version of me. A person who turned out to be pretty amazing.
My life went from mondaine to exciting. I made younger friends. Parties, girls nights, wild karaoke benders. Learning to ski and travel to new places. Never a dull moment. Chaos, but it was fun.
I dated but I was cynical. I used men to tell me what I wanted to hear but none of them mattered. Real love is fake. I was no longer delusional. I had a relationship with a man who worshipped the ground I walked on… he would never leave me but he made me miserable. I left him. It was all just smoke and mirrors anyway.
I decided it was just going to be me. Me and my goodest boy! At least I knew my love was real. I could actually love selflessly and authentically. So whatever I would love me! Men… wel they could be fun company for a date or two. Maybe even some physical company if they were well behaved enough. Dating became a pass time. Just an activity. One I was ready to give up on anyway.
And then there was you. We matched on Tinder and you were the last match I would have. I was done dating. Wasn’t planning on taking you on a date. However you stood out from the first chat. You were so convinced I was something special. Like a drink of cold water in a desert. Just from my pictures and my bio. Later you told me you saw this kindness and wisdom in my eyes and thought I was funny in my bio. You drove 2 hours and crossed a border just to take me out for a cocktail. The effort was so new to me.
I saw you and my breath just got knocked out of me. You were gorgeous for sure, but that was not it. You had these very kind authentic eyes. Such a sweet voice. You were funny and engaging. You thought I was funny and interesting. The night flew by and I walked to my car with this weird feeling. I pushed it down. Told my self to be smart.
We went to dinner a week later. We talked like we knew each other for years. Server looked at us like she thought we were on our anniversary while we hadn’t even kissed yet. You had rose pedals on the table and ordered champagne. It was so cute. In the parking lot you gave me a sweet little shy kiss that meant everything.I later learned you never kissed a girl before, you always were kissed. In hindsight that makes it so much sweeter how you were brave for me.
You wanted to see me the next day. Drove hours again to go for a walk and meet my dog. In the bar where we had a coffee you kissed me. So effortlessly, like we always had been together. So lovingly. You stood up to go to the washroom. Kissed me and said: I’ll be right back. Like old married couples. When we said goodbye on a cold icy parking lot, we made out. Sparks flew for me. And I must admit I was walking on sunshine a little.
And then the next day… my dog had a seizure and died. He had these before but never like this. He seamed so well for his age but turned out he had advanced cancer. Suddenly I lost my best friend. My home. My rock. And I was so scared. Facing life without him. What if you turned out to be a lie? What if you let me down like everybody else ? He wasn’t here to save me. And I missed him, I still mis him.
You were there for me. In my grief I let go of my guards and just fell for you hard. Harder than ever, like falling into a black hole only accelerating and not knowing when I will hit the end… or be crushed under the enormous weight of my feelings. Finding myself in way deeper than I wanted. Freaking myself out.
We turned out to have crazy sexual chemistry. You are the best I ever had. And I was the same for you. Teamwork you called it. A new world of pleasure feeding into my obsession with you. We had similar quirks and everything we learned about each other made us more compatible.
You told me you wanted everything with me on our 5th date. You said you knew it was all way too soon but that you knew it was me! You were crazy about me. That you never felt anything like this. All common sense left me. I just surrendered. In that moment I just loved you I stopped pretending that I didn’t.
I met your family and friends and they welcomed me like I was something unseen. Like I was this “ finally” breath of relieve. They told me they were so happy to see you happy. I got hugs and teary eyes telling me he deserved someone as great as me. Never felt so accepted by so many strangers so fast. It was just their love for you spilling over to me as they saw I just loved you for you.
I learned you too were always looking to be loved. And just like me you attracted people who used you. Made you work for love. They cheated on you, abused you and told you that you were not enough. They dimmed your light and you believed you deserved it. Like you were not enough, A fear stuck so deep inside you it will never fully leave you.
I see you. You are sunshine in human form and I can’t understand anyone not keeping you, treasuring you. You are beautiful from the inside out. You are so loved by so many. My hearth explodes when you look at me. I can’t help myself.
You know all this. I have told you before I love you. I want you and I want you forever. You know I am all in. You know to some extend how this frightens me. You told me you are scared too.
But I can’t tell you just how scared I am without sounding like a lunatic. I can’t tell you the depths of my feelings without sounding like a stalker.
When we are apart, I think about you every waking second. I stare at our pictures. I flutter at your name on my phone. Hope you will call me before bedtime. When we are together I can’t get enough of you. I stare at you. I can’t sleep because I want to hold you, feel your body against mine as long as I can, admire you while you sleep. I want to savor you. Every moment with you I want to be in it and experience it as hard as I can…
Because deep down… I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. To figure out you are not real. Or for you to see I am not enough. For you to change your mind. For a better woman than me seeing what you are and taking you from me. I am waiting for the rude awakening that I have been lying to myself and love is in fact as fake as I feared and only my love for you is real.
It gives me panic attacks some you have witnessed and even talked me through. Not knowing it was the fear of losing you that spurred them on. You keep showing up. You keep working for me even when I show you wounded and hurt parts of me. You try so hard to protect me. To help me. But your help only scares me more. I want you to be my rock but I can’t give in to that. I need to be able to be my own rock, as my best boy is gone and if I let you … fully let you be my world ….
I won’t survive losing you.
So I keep you out. I play it cool. Pretend I want to move slow. I won’t move in with you until we get to a random number of months as if that means anything. Politely laugh of you organizing our perfect wedding … don’t be silly but yeah I am 100% in and I can’t wait! I Completely shut down, hide and run when we face difficulties or even perceived difficulties like your ex picking up a box of stuff. It was nothing. But it freaked me out. So I pulled back with some bs excuse and hid from you. And you always come and find me. Thinking you did something wrong but you didn’t. You are doing everything right .
I am trying my best to love you as hard as I can through the fear. I try to make you feel how amazing you are. I tell you every chance I get. I make you feel it, I know you feel it. You deserve it, all of it. But I simply can’t give it. Not yet. I hope to one day.
Because maybe love is a lie. Maybe it is delusional. But if we can be delusional together, it might work out. We can play pretend in our fairytale. I will do that forever. No doubt.
I’m Sincerely yours The women who adores you

I have this friend that I've known since I was 19 years old and she was 28 going on 29.. there's a nine year age gap between us. Now I'm 40 years old going on 41 and she is newly 50. We are both in very different places in our lives from each other now and also from our former selves back then. My life has gotten a lot harder, while hers has stayed relatively the same. When she met me I was just a young girl practically a kid with hope for the future I was in this cult like Christian non denominational church that told me I needed to reach out to people and convert them and lay my life down for them.
So I did everything for her . I was a nurturing friend and I think in her mind that's what our friendship was based on. I left the church at age 21 because I got tired of them controlling me and telling me that I could only date men in the church and I left because I met a guy that I liked. Well he ended up dumping me 2 months later and then I got into a relationship that was my rebound but I ended up being with him and having a baby with him. That baby is now a 15 year old girl.
it has been a lot of ups and downs for me, and life in my twenties was no picnic. Nor was life in my 30s as a single mom. I spent a lot of hard years and hardships. My parents divorced when my daughter was two years old due to my mom's infidelity for 3 years and then 3 years later my dad had died of sepsis when I was 29 going on 30 and I was absolutely devastated for a long time and was bitter towards my mom. Her parents are still together and still the same as they were except her dad now has dementia but he hes 85 years old now. And her mom has run of the mill health issues.
My mom now has s Parkinson's and I don't live with her the guy that she chose over my dad is still living with her and I've gotten over my hatred of him but it's just awkward and doesn't feel like my childhood home. She has that childhood home to still go to. That parental unit. Until she loses one of them she'll never really understand what I went through. And even then it still won't be the same because first I lost them as a unit when they divorced and lost what I thought they were in love. it was very hard to watch my dad get destroyed by that divorce and infidelity.
Flash Forward my daughter's dad and I split up in 2015 and I lived on my own for 5 years. I had a lot of trouble with diagnosed OCD social anxiety falling behind on bills etc. I even had to move in with my mom for a couple of months because I just couldn't manage my finances and n being a single mom anymore. My daughter's dad had a mental breakdown and wasn't able to help me and I didn't hit him up for child support either I never filed because I was too nice. Long story short during the pandemic in 2020 everything got turned upside down
Backtracking , in 2019 I found this really cute place a couple months after moving back in w my mom and for once in my life I started to feel like I had reached self-actualization. I had a little Chihuahua that I loved and my cat and my daughter and were all doing great and thriving in our social lives and work and nl school lives. I even had a girls group that I hung out with but that dispersed due to a disagreement that me and a friend had over something stupid.
anyways, to make a long story short my friend has had a lot of good things happen to her that I have not. My friend still has is both her parents. she's already been through three marriages whereas I've never married . she signed away her parental rights to her son who was four at the time when she and her husband divorced and she moved in with her parents and they took her under their wing again.
Her parents have always bailed her out they've always had really good jobs, she grew up with privilege and luxury. I grew up with some privilege and luxury too but not quite like her but all of that got snipped away from me when my parents divorced. my parents were just nurses so they made pretty good money but we lived in the Bay area where it's very expensive. So does she.
Anyways she's now married to a guy that she met off the internet and I'm back with my daughter's dad and I'm unhappy but I don't know how to leave because I have horrible credit and I have no way of getting out of here and I don't make enough at my current job and I'm actively looking but honestly the pandemic really did a number on both me and my daughter and I don't mean just the virus itself but I mean socially and emotionally. It really set both of us back and caused my daughter to regress and it caused me to get knocked off of whatever progress I was making in my personal life towards becoming a better version of myself. Anyways this friend I feel like hasn't been through as much as me and she's been sheltered from a lot of heartache even at the age of 50. I feel like she dodged a bullet with raising her son and now her son is turning out to be great and doing really well in life at the age of 25 but that's to no credit of hers, it's through his paternal grandparents who did an excellent job raising him into the young man that he is today, but she tries to take credit .
my daughter has had a lot of struggles emotionally and was diagnosed with autism spectrum a couple of years ago. So basically I feel like I've had it much harder than her I know it's not fair to compare my sorrow to others and we all have our share of problems but I just feel like it's the honest objective truth. She hasn't been through what I've been through and it shows because she's still pretty much the same as when we met her whereas me I'm a totally different person than I was at 19. and I feel like she has this fixed image of me in her head as being this young, wholesome 19-year-old girl who is going to church and reaching out to her and always wearing nice church clothes and we're always going on camping trips with our church and congregation and doing all these fun things and I was just this wholesome young sweet girl who hadn't yet been through anything in life. I feel like that version of me is long gone and dead or at least buried somewhere inside of me somewhere and she's not coming back and yet my friend I feel like still sees me as that. Anytime something goes wrong or good in her life she wants to call me. Anytime she wants to brag she wants to call me. It's like I'm always the first person she wants to tell things to and I really don't understand why, especially since she has a husband that she's been married to for 3 years . I feel like that should be the person she goes to she claims she's in love with him and happy with him so shouldn't that be her best friend and not me?
I don't really tell her anything about my life , but she also doesn't really ask. I don't feel like telling her and I don't feel like confiding in her. Besides every time I try to she's kind of mentally slow and it takes her forever to process every little detail of what I'm telling her and she can't even keep up and it's honestly exhausting talking to her.
Anyways this friend of mine also doesn't respect my need for space. She'll call me and if I don't answer she'll text and ask if I can talk I'll say I can't right now I'm busy and she'll ask when can I talk or what am I up to she'll try to find a way to squeeze herself into my day and have a conversation with me it almost feels for us. If I don't text her back, she'll then message me on Facebook and go on a like bench on all of my status and photos it's kind of creepy and annoying to be honest with you and it really feels like an invasion of my personal space and like she's not taking the social cue that I do not want to talk to her right now.
She also is insensitive and tone deaf to my financial situation she knows that I want to go on vacation and feel like I'm missing out on life and that I don't often get to do much of anything because of my finances. And yet when she goes on vacation she continues to brag about how much fun she had and everything that she did.
Recently she went to Vegas and I saw the post about it on her Facebook and I like the status even. but she still seemed to want validation for me because she texted me the day she got back and was telling me all about it in a text after she called and I didn't answer. I said oh I forgot you went there that sounds fun. She then asked if I could talk and I said I was busy making dinner I was hoping she'd take the hint that I didn't want to hear about her Vegas trip. I've tried telling her how I feel when she does bring them up I explain to her sometimes it's hard for me to be happy for you or other people because I'm going through a difficult time in my own life. I'm happy for that you can take vacations but I was also like these things for myself and right now my personal circumstances and finances are not allowing for me to have that in my life. And she got kind of butt hurt and whined at me and "so why can't you just be happy for me." And I told her I just was not there yet and that I'm not in a good headspace and to not take it personally and if we could just talk about more neutral topics like Netflix or anything else but bragging about her vacations and yet she hasn't gotten a hint or considered my feelings.
It's to the point now where I resent her and I am ultra critical of her in every single way. But mostly it is manifested to where I'm critical of how she looks. She's not the most attractive woman in the world, she's actually borderline obese and she only gets bigger and bigger as the years go by. A few years ago when she was not as old as she is now people even random multiple people would assume she was pregnant because she's very apple-shaped and though she's heavy all over, her stomach in particular is very round and swollen and big and it honestly does look like a pregnant woman. But now she's too old so people know that she's just fat and apple-shaped. And I find myself being critical of her like why don't you ever try to improve yourself? Why don't you ever go to a gym or eat cleaner or go for walks? I brought up the gym and said how I have gone there for free that down their guest pass. Because she asked what I did that day, and not because I was trying to tell her to go to one. And she voluntarily said how she doesn't go to gyms and doesn't exercise that much because she broke her foot while falling when she was sick with covid 2 years ago. But that was 2 years ago! And she says how she can't really go for walks or do much exercise. And in my mind I was thinking "but yet you can go out to eat, you can go to movies, and you can walk along the strip in Vegas with your husband but you can't walk around your own neighborhood"?
And I find myself being critical of everything she does but especially things like that. And I find that I think it is because I'm jealous so I have to focus on her very obvious flaws which is that she is overweight and apple-shaped and all these other flaws about her like her character flaws, like how she sleeps late because she stays up all night and has bipolar disorder and takes bipolar meds and she works part-time a few hours a day and is collecting disability and this has been going on for 20 plus years this is her life. And I know those meds can cause weight gain as a side effect but she just gets bigger and bigger and I guess I feel like she's not ashamed of it and she's not even really aware doesn't care and I guess I find myself critical of that as well? I've never had a problem with my weight I've actually been underweight most of my life and now I'm finally at a normal BMI of 107 pounds and I'm 5'2. I don't know her weight and I've never asked it wouldn't be appropriate but I do find myself being critical and I think that her being overweight is a manifestation of her character. She's entitled, she's self-absorbed, she's lazy, and she's lazy because everything has been handed to her she was born with a silver spoon in her mouth and everything has been made easy for her.
She's always gotten off Scot free of things her parents have always bailed her out she got to dodge motherhood and now take credit for her well-adjusted grown up son it just doesn't seem fair to me , and yes I'm bitter and I'm jealous at home my life turned out and how her's turned out.
And I admit there's a part of me that even thinks my life should be better than hers I'm better looking than her I'm slimmer than her why is her life easier and better than mine? Why has she been married many times and I've never even been married once? I admit when I was living alone it was hard for me to date because my daughter was little than a night and feel comfortable bringing strange men over my house where me and my daughter lived or going to their place a lot of the times I would meet men on dating apps and they would take me out to eat and do nice things but then they turned out to be jerks who just wanted sex. I've had more than my share of disappointment and heartache and then they're also times where I should have given nice guys chances and I didn't because for some reason I was afraid to and I didn't want to take the relationship any further because I was worried that my daughter's dad would hear and get jealous. And yes I do regret that. I didn't really give myself a chance to get married or have those good things.
Why does she get to have parents and a loving family and a support system and I don't? She doesn't even do anything to improve her own life or do anything to be healthy or lose weight or do anything and I guess I feel like nobody has ever been mean to her or put her in her place or humbled her in any way and it shows because she's sheltered and yet she's not ashamed of being so big . and most consider her unattractive she's not just a big pretty woman she actually has really thin hair and a big nose and there's nothing really pretty or attractive about her face either and yet she somehow still comes across as kind of entitled and snobby sometimes because of her upbringing. Her parents are skinny and healthy and they were vegan so it is kind of ironic considering those are her parents. So I know that her weight problem is not genetic either.
And I know that this is mean of me and it's probably going to get a lot of people ticked off on me and saying bad things to me but I just have to lay it all out here. My question is should I end this friendship and how do I do it? It's gotten to the point now where I can't stand to be around her or anything about her life and all I can think of is very mean thoughts about her

LONG POST AHEAD. The most commonly recognized years for zillennial are based around PEW and are 95-98. That’s what I’m basing this off of. 95-96 being on the millennial side, 97-98 on the Z side. It could be pushed in both directions an additional year or two, and the purpose of this post isn’t to gatekeep but to provide insight into the (us-centric) zillennial experience. A lot of this may be subjective though I’ve tried my best to note when that’s likely. Please feel free to add anything I’ve forgotten or gotten wrong.
Early years- (1995-2003)
During this period we ranged from infancy to mid-childhood. We watched shows such as Blues Clues, Barney, Franklin, Arthur, Dragon Tales, teletubbies, Dora, Maggie and The Ferocious Beast, Rugrats, Hey Arnold, The Wild Thornberries, Lizzie Mcquire, Catdog, Courage the Cowardly Dog, Goosebumps, Rocket Power, Even Stevens, SpongeBob, etc. During the Web 1.0 and dial-up era we mostly played computer games like Pajama Sam, Freddy Fish, Spy Fox, and on flash sites like Neopets, Nick and Disney. We listened to radio Disney, and a lot of us probably tried to win contests (I won tadpoles and they kept dying. They’d send new ones and they’d always die after growing legs lol…), we also remember the sea monkey and ant farm craze and probably accidentally dumped some out. We started elementary school at some point within these years, and the millennial side (95 and early-mid 96) were already in school by 9/11. Late 96, 97 and 98 were in preschool or of the age to be. We played with toys such as Beanie Babies- and are the very last to potentially remember the craze-, Barbie’s, GI Joes, Nerf, Polly Pocket, Bratz (I personally hated these), various baby dolls, Easy Bake Ovens, Shrink-a-dinks, Y2K toys such as Furbys, poo-chis, Robobaby, etc. If we played any video games it was probably on a game boy, game cube or ps2. If they had one, our parents cellphones probably had antennas lol (mine did) and we used landlines. We went to blockbuster and got VHS tapes then DVDs and remember both. Our parents used physical maps when we went on vacation. We listened to a blend of cassette tapes and cds. Malls, bowling allies, skating rinks, and places like Discovery Zone were very common family activities and they were slam packed- in stark contrast with how these places started to look in our mid childhood.
Mid-childhood- 2003/2004-2006
All of us were in elementary school together in these years. We watched some of the same shows as above and new ones for older kids like Drake and Josh, Neds Declassified, Unfabulous, Zoey 101, Phil of the Future, That’s So Raven, Suite Life, etc. We got rid of dial-up and entered the Web 2.0 era. We played computer games, played on our Gameboy Advance SPs, PSPs, DS, Xbox 360, Gamecube, PS2 and 3, and on websites such as miniclip, obscure open world online games (maybe that was just me lol), and later Webkinz. We played with toys like Furreal Friends, tamagotchis (they had a big resurgence in the mid-00s), moon shoes, razor scooters, pogo sticks, Heelie’s, RipSticks bop-it, etc. (Some of these were in our early childhood too). We listened to music on CD players and MP3s, then later iPods. We went to blockbuster for DVDs then at the tail end we ordered DVDs by mail from Netflix. On demand was popular as well. Skateboarding had a resurgence in popularity during this era so we probably tried to learn that, later on it would be long boarding. We printed out Mapquest directions for our parents before trips. We discovered YouTube and watched videos like Charlie the Unicorn and Fred. We learned about the Iraq war in real time, we were all very concerned about the hole in the ozone layer, we remember hurricane Katrina, the tsunami of ‘04, and those of us who lived in/visited nyc remember seeing the rubble from 9/11. We were exposed to a lot of trash tv (especially those with older siblings like me) like Maury, the simple life, Dr.Phil, Jackass, SouthPark, etc. We called our friends on our landlines and talked for hours (my friends and I did at least) and there were still always kids playing in the neighborhood in a way that wasn’t so common just a few years later. We explored the internet with awe and curiosity, for better or worse.
Late childhood-early teen years 2006/7-2010-
All of us had at least one full year of middle school in this era, and the millennial side started HS (1995 babies in 2009, and late 95-mid 96 babies in 2010) During this period we watched icarly, Hannah Montana, wizards, and started watching more mature content as well, such as degrassi, skins, weeds, one tree hill, breaking bad, vampire diaries, how I met your mother, etc. just as examples. We had cable, on demand and DVDs we ordered from Netflix, and some families began streaming in this time. We listened to music on iPods when on our own, and to the radio and CDs in the car and when with others. A lot of us got more into pop culture in this period- we loved Miley, the jobros, t-swift, Coldplay, Akon, Pink, Justin Timberlake, Usher, Red Hot CP, Green Day, Artic Monkeys, Rhianna, Chris Brown (yikes), Beyonce, Kanye, I could go on forever. It was the recession and we were old enough to understand but only really care if it affected us or our loved ones because we were hormonal tweens/teens who honestly lived a much simpler life than tweens/teens now due to lack of social media (trust me, MySpace doesn’t count). Otherwise, we remember the recession for playing with friends in all of the abandoned under-construction neighborhoods (they were everywhere and no one could really stop you from going into the unfinished houses 🙃 ) During this period we likely got our first flip phones. I got mine for my 12th bday in ‘08 and it was tiny. Later I got a razr, a keyboard AND keypad phone (it slid both ways and got stolen when I was in 8th lol), and then a knockoff blackberry in 2010. This was very normal for the time to have gone through this progression with phones. 95-96 (and maybe 97) likely used MySpace in middle school (I did, 07-09), we used AIM to talk to friends, but still talked to them on our landlines for hours because all of our phones were pay-as-you-go without unlimited texts or minutes. We made prank phone calls, played ZAP, took stupid pictures on our digital cameras, made even more stupid videos/skits on our camcorders, smoked smarties, spent time online on the most random and obscure websites, discovered porn and watched 2 girls 1 cup, read Harry Potter if we hadn’t already, obsessed over Twilight (we were the target age demographic for it at its peak), wore LiveStrong bracelets, saw the rise of 80s nostalgia with shutter shades in every aisle, we secretly bought 5 hour energies, Red Bull and monsters at gas stations with our friends and thought we were bad, ate takis, either were a, or knew scene kids (rawr), went to the malls that were already in the midst of dying, got dropped off at theme parks (only if you lived near one ofc), roamed freely with neighbor friends but noticed a lot of the younger kids weren’t doing the same (completely subjective- it was my experience), people said “gay” and the R word as a derogative all the time, everyone wore either Abercrombie, hollister, Delia’s, OR pac sun, hot topic, Spencer’s. Everyone was into being “random” and everything was “awk”. We hung out with friends at shopping centers doing absolutely nothing and toward the later end of this era… stole half smoked cigs from ash trays (maybe my friends and I were just losers tho), we largely got our facebooks at the end of this era or right at the start of the next. Some of us (like me) started experimenting with alcohol and weed.
Main teens years- early adulthood (2010-2015/16)
We all shared at least one year of high school together (when CO 2013 were seniors). A lot changed during this era as you all know. When we were finishing middle school and starting high school, pretty much no one had an iPhone. Most of us had knock-off (or real for the rich kids) blackberries during this period and they didn’t connect to the internet. We got better phone plans though, so we largely no longer used landlines for calls. We all got Facebook and used Facebook messenger constantly. MySpace and AIM disappeared from relevancy at the very beginning of this era as Facebook was just where it was at (poke). We updated our status every few hours, “Anycatch is MY SISTER IS SO ANNOYING UGH” iykyk. Our families replaced our CRT monitors and everything looked “fake” on tv for a while (soap opera effect). Girls wore skinny jeans, and the “indie/hipster” movement came in hot. Everyone girl a “La Lune” shirt, endless floral dresses, and wore scarfs, and every guy dressed like Mac Miller (stussy) or dressed preppy. Sagging skinny jeans were in for guys too. A lot of people had a fancy and expensive digital camera they took everywhere and everything was posted onto Facebook- which we still exclusively used from desktops. We took shitty pictures in front of graffiti walls and train tracks. Because of shows like Skins and movies like Project X, and it being the electropop era, people were very into house parties and everything that came with them (drinking drugs sex). At my school there was one somewhere almost every weekend, but I went to a massive school with over 3000 kids in a well off area (but the student body was diverse regardless). We knew how to party and you wouldn’t find people on their phones when socializing throughout all of high school. It wasn’t something we’d ever been distracted by before so it didn’t happen very quickly for us. Longboarding was very popular, and neighborhood streets with hills were often taken over by large groups of kids longboarding. Teens still smoked cigs and camel crushes were popular. Because there weren’t a million makeup tutorials, people had TERRIBLE make up just caking up their face (got better towards the end of this era and originated from the last). Around 2012, iPhones became a more common sight around campus and by late 2013, almost everyone had one or an android- but they were never out during school because they’d be taken away and it just wasn’t a thing to have them out. Instagram started to get popular around 2012 but exploded in 2013. We posted “indie/artsy” pictures and didn’t even care much if no one liked them because it didn’t matter at first. There weren’t any algorithms, reels, or ads, just our friend’s pictures. We were really the guinea pigs for social media and because we didn’t care we posted pictures of ourselves drinking and smoking weed. Snap chat came in around my junior year (2012-2013), but wasn’t huge until my senior year. I never used it. YIK Yak (and this was truly a zillennial app- everyone born in the mid-late 90s experienced the terrible YIK Yak) and vine were very popular for a while in this period and then disappeared just as fast. We played on the Wii, the PS3 and PS4, Xbox 360 and Xbox one. We were all in a rush to get our licenses, and sneaking out was super common. We still spent most internet time on desktops, and websites like StumbleUpon were a lot of fun. YouTube became easier to post on, and there were no ads on it. When tumblr came along it blew up and we all “became artsy”. We watched shows like Breaking Bad, GOT, Weeds, American Horror Story, Girls, The Walking Dead, Orange is the New Black, Black Mirror, etc. We listened to Coldplay, Vampire Weekend, Lady Gaga, Kid Cudi, Mumford and Sons, Tame Impala, Slightly Stoopid, Mac Miller, Rhianna, Beyonce, Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, The Black Keys, Imagine Dragons, Drake, Justin Bieber (but we hated on him), Post Malone, Lil Wayne, Maroon 5, Kesha, Adele, etc. on our iPod touches and on pandora. We quickly saw the world change and thought the rapid changing of tech (in terms of phone styles, tv systems, etc.) would never end- we were wrong.

Throwaway account
This needs a lot of backstory to fully understand so please don’t leave.
My mom (52 f) and dad (54 m) had a pretty messy divorce when I (17 f) was about 6. My mom had cheated and my dad was really upset about it because he really loved her. They had a divorce and my mom basically gave up all custody of me. She did have visitation rights but never used them. She also never tried to contact me despite my dad trying to keep an open line of communication.
Anyway, my dad met Donna (52 f) when I was 7. I had begun to notice my dad paying more attention to his appearance and looking much happier when he met Donna.
I officially met Donna like 2 months before turning 8. I didn’t really like her at that point because the wounds from my mom were still pretty fresh, but she was very patient with me. She let me know right away that she wouldn’t try to take my mother’s role, and would understand my distance so long as I was polite. And I was, then they announced that they would get married when I was 8. Donna let me be a part of her wedding, and no I didn’t throw a fit or anything because my dad was happy.
Not long after their honeymoon Donna was expecting. This is where I think her and I’d relationship started to change. She let me be a part of her pregnancy the whole way. She asked me for ideas on the nursery, paint colors, toys, and she even wanted me to help name my future half sibling. I started getting much closer to her, and it really helped me cope with my mom’s absence.
Donna ended up having triplet boys, and she even took one of my name ideas for one of my brothers. And despite what some people think of their half siblings, Donna’s and my dad’s kids really felt like they were my brothers. She didn’t even let her parents see the triplets before I did.
The boys are 9 now, and I love them with every fiber of my being. They’re all so cute and sweet and have their personalities. Donna and I are really close now, and I even asked if I could call her mom when I was 14.
This is where everything goes downhill. But when I turned 15, my mom came back into the picture. She suddenly wanted to see me and actually took my dad to court in order to get custody. For some reason, the judge took pity on her and actually gave her 50/50 custody. My mom had remarried to Jim, I don’t know if he’s the affair partner. And they also have 4 kids together. 2 of which are from Jim’s previous marriage.
I guess my mom thought everything would be ok with us. But let’s just say me and her don’t get along. I’ll admit, I did act like a b*tch sometimes in her house. Jim also thought that I should treat him like a father, that didn’t go too well with him. And they all thought that I would treat my half siblings like actual siblings. I don’t. I don’t know what it is about them, but I just don’t feel the same way to them as I do the triplets. Actually, I do know, they’re all huge brats. They cry 24/7 even more than the triplets did as babies. And they’re always asking to play with me even if I have school work. And mom gets mad at me if I don’t want to. So I always just stay in my room (which is the basement) when I’m there.
Now to the issue. I was at my mom’s house 2 weeks ago for the weekend and I was about to go back to my dad’s. My dad came to pick me up (sidetrack my mom really doesn’t like my dad or Donna cus she thinks that they said stuff to me to get me to hate her and her kids) and he came with one of the triplets because they had a stomach ache. I had taken him out of his car seat and was playing with him a little before I got into the car. Apparently one of my half sisters saw that and was inconsolable to my mom. She called me a couple hours later to yell at me about it.
She basically said “don’t you love your siblings too?” And I told her no. She hung up after saying that she and I will talk about it next I’m there. I was there last weekend and she and Jim were yelling at me about it. She asked me again if I love her kids and Jim, I told her no, they’re annoying and I don’t care for them. She started crying and asked if I loved her. I told her I don’t really, and said
“Why would I care about you? You left me for 7 years before you decided you wanted a relationship. I’m pretty sure you only wanted me back so you didn’t have to pay child support for me.”
Yes I did ask my dad about that and he said my mom was told to pay a couple hundred. But after that line there was more screaming and crying so I just went back to my dad’s house and my mom and Jim have been crying to me since.
So Reddit, AITA for telling my mom why I don’t like her and her kids?

Ever since watching Violet Evergarden in which a male character was named Claudia I loved the idea of giving a boy a feminine name. Of course I wouldn’t actually do this because he would get bullied and even in the anime the guy hated his name but I just thought it was cute. So I thought the best way to go about this was giving him a masculine version of the name (i.e Claud/Claudio for Claudia or Alesander for Allison, another “boy” name I love) and calling him the original name in private as a nickname, and he can decide if he’s comfortable enough with the feminine name to use it in public. Or maybe pick a different first name entirely and use the girl one as a middle name. Anyone else?

We are young, but in the american mentality, we are in the right age to have babies...
but we're still studying and working part time.
I saw a reel with a super cute baby with a bald head and beautiful blue eyes, it reminded me a lot of how I was as a baby... I showed the reel to my gf, and she said she would love to have a baby as pretty as that, and said "well, you have blue eyes and light hair, it would probably turn out like that baby"
I laughed at that and said "that's why you chose me, to make cute babies?"
and she said "yes, I have always wanted a baby with blue eyes so I chose you" and made fun of me. but then she got mad and said "wait, you want the baby to only look like you? What if the baby takes after me, and doesnt have blue eyes, what are you gonna do? call it ugly because it looks like me?"
I wanted so bad to play and cuddle that baby, and started daydreaming about it. What if I become a father? That would be the most fulfilling experience according to me. to have a baby boy or girl to play with, to cuddle, sniff and take care of...

I just feel the need to vent and purge this because it’s been on my mind. And what better place to do it than travisandtaylor?
I actually find it laughable that people think Taylor and Travis should have kids because they’re both 35 and they have pictures where they’re holding other people’s babies. Just because there are pictures of them holding babies does not mean they are cut out to be parents. There is a lot more to being a parent than just holding a baby for a fucking photo.
And given what I know about Taylor, as an ex swiftie, and all the things I’ve learned about Travis- I think they would make horrible parents individually but TOGETHER?? Let’s just say I would feel profoundly sorry for that child if they had one.
Let’s just start with Travis. He’s a fucking MANCHILD who can’t control his temper.He takes it out on his teammates physically when he’s frustrated, and we all saw when he screamed in his coach’s face on national television.
It’s really not that difficult to imagine just for a second, him screaming at his kids or screaming at their mother because he can’t control his anger. This guy has such a short fuse and gets angry/aggressive at the slightest trigger. Yet people think he would be a good man to raise children with. Imagine how Short Fuse Travis would act if he had a baby that kept crying and he was getting angry and frustrated with it.
”But Travis adores his nieces! Look at how cute he is with them on the podcast!”
But would he be able to TAKE CARE of his nieces? Or ANY child for that matter? His sister-in-law said she would only trust him with her kids for ONE hour. He’s GOOD with them because he doesn’t have to deal with them when they’re crying.
His brother Jason, the so-called ”sensible one” can’t be left alone with his own children for more than 3 HOURS. And he’s talked about PRETENDING to be asleep so his wife will get up and tend to the crying baby. He feels “less adept” at taking care of his baby because he doesn’t even TRY. He clearly thinks that taking care of children is the woman’s job. What makes you think Travis would be any different??
And now let’s talk about Taylor.
I’m not trying to armchair diagnose Taylor with NPD, but you can still have narcissistic traits without having full blown NPD. It is undeniable to anyone who’s been paying a little bit of attention to Taylor’s behaviour over the last few years, that Taylor has OBVIOUS narcissistic qualities. Argue with the wall. And I DO believe that Taylor would be a narcissistic mother.
Narcissistic mothers treat their daughters like shit, especially when those daughters become young women and they get jealous of the daughter’s youth and beauty and see them as a THREAT.
I mean, just look at the way she treated Olivia Rodrigo and now Billie Eilish. She is TERRIFIED of being “replaced” by someone younger and more beautiful, just look at the lyrics to her songs Nothing New and Clara Bow. It’s not hard to imagine her having that same kind of petty jealousy and insecurity when it comes to her own daughter, if she has one.
Also, Taylor’s mother allegedly fat shamed Taylor as a teen and controlled her diet which led to her developing an eating disorder. This is the same mother that Taylor USES AS HER THERAPIST and considers a “saintly woman.” There is no doubt that Taylor would just pass on the same generational trauma if she had a daughter, because she has a toxic dependence on her parents and refuses to go to therapy and deal with her issues and she doesn’t see her parents for the toxic people that they really are.
On the flip side, if Taylor had a son, I feel like she’d be one of those toxic boy moms who gets insanely jealous when her son has a girlfriend, because how DARE he love another girl more than ME?? We can tell that she ALREADY has issues with her future daughter in law with her song Anti Hero- “I have a dream my daughter in law kills me for the money.” Because girls who go near her imaginary son CAN’T be trusted!! But it’s also clear if you watch the music video for anti hero that she just resents the very IDEA of her future children- she thinks they’re gonna be spoiled useless assholes who only care about getting her money. Idk I just think that if you HATE your kids that much before they’re even born, you should just not have them.
There’s also the fame aspect. In a 2014 interview she said she wasn’t sure if she wanted to have kids because of the invasive press and paparazzi. She was clearly worried about how her fame might affect her future children. In order for Taylor to raise her children in a healthy environment, she would have to take a MAJOR step back from the spotlight and I just DON’T see her doing that!! She is literally ADDICTED to the fame, and the media attention, and the accolades, and topping the charts. After the breakup with Joe, Her PR team put out this article saying that while fame may be a prison, it’s a prison Taylor CHOOSES to stay in and will KEEP choosing.And that alone is VERY telling about what Taylor’s priorities are. She KNOWS that the fame could be harmful for her future kids, but she CHOOSES to stay in that world because she’s addicted to it.
I DON’T see Taylor being willing to “settle down” or “take a break” like many of her fans say she will, to raise kids. Her fame and career will ALWAYS come first. And she sure as hell can’t leave a baby alone with Travis. She’ll have to have a good full time nanny to watch the baby while Travis is going out to strip clubs, refusing to tend to “the infant” just like his brother.
I just don’t see Taylor or Travis being willing to put anyone else’s needs before their own. And I do think they’d use their children for clout just like they use their relationship for clout.

Part One Here!
Part Two Here!
Part Three Here!
Part Four Here!
Part Five Here!
Part Six Here!
Part Seven Here!
Part Eight Here!
Part Nine Here!
Part Ten Here!
Part Eleven Here!
Part Twelve Here!
Part Thirteen Here!
Part Fourteen Here!
Part Fifteen Here!
Part Sixteen Here!
Part Seventeen Here!
Part Eighteen Here!
Part Nineteen Here!
Part Twenty Here!
Part Twenty One Here!
We left off at WrestleMania 36, where, in the Firefly Funhouse Match with “The Fiend” Bray Wyatt, John Cena was utterly decimated, only to be further beaten by Samoa Joe as a final show of disrespect. It was questioned if he was even alive, having been Mandible Clawed, choked out by Joe until the drool stopped flowing from his mouth, and then having disappeared completely while doctors were checking on him thanks to the Fiend’s powers, never to be seen again. Sure enough, a year passes without so much of a hint of Cena appearing, and then the months continue to pass. WrestleMania 37, in front of a huge crowd, and he’s absent. May passes by, and there’s nothing. Then, in June, we start having hope for things getting back to normal. WWE announces they’ll start having fans in attendance for shows again, and it’s sure to be packed houses for all sorts of wrestling events in the United States. Wrestling is back, and John Cena isn’t. They make no note of him. However, WWE isn’t the only promotion that’s getting back in front of fans again starting in July. In fact, there’s a company that’s beating them to the punch, and that company says that they’ve got special plans for their first show back on the Road.
Road Rager 2021
It’s a naturally electric crowd in Miami for the first fully attended wrestling TV in a year and a half, and the show opens with a truly fitting blockbuster ten-man elimination tag match, seeing Kenny Omega’s Elite taking on Hangman Page and the Dark Order. It’s pushed up from Fight For The Fallen so Hangman can spend more time with his pregnant wife, and in the end, Hangman can’t quite get the job done, losing his opportunity to face off with his former tag team partner at All Out for the AEW World Title. Kenny, the Bucks and the Good Brothers stand tall, taking out the Dark Order before turning their attention to Hangman, beating him within an inch of his life before Kenny gets him up for the One Winged Angel. He stares down the hard cam, shouting that nobody’s ever going to pry the title from him - not Hangman, not whoever he’s facing at All Out, not… OH MY GOD! THERE’S NO WAY! THIS CAN’T BE, BUT JOHN CENA’S HERE! HE OWNS HIS DAMN THEME, HE OWNS HIS DAMN NAME, AND HE’S IN ALL ELITE WRESTLING! Omega drops Hangman, turning to the ramp as John Cena comes out of the babyface tunnel, a smile on his face as he sheds his baseball cap and sprints down to the ring, LAYING OUT THE BUCKS WITH A DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE! Omega bails, not wanting any piece of the Franchise, and leaving GALLOWS AND ANDERSON TO BE HOISTED ONTO CENA’S SHOULDERS! Excalibur is losing his goddamn mind as Cena drops the Good Brothers with a DOUBLE FU! Tony Khan goes on a coke-fuelled Twitter storm, declaring that Cena’s debut for AEW will take place at Fight For The Fallen, where Cena gets to fight for the fucking marines that he loves so much in a handicap match against The Elite’s Gallows and Anderson.
Fight For The Fallen 2021
Handicap Match: John Cena vs. Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows
C’mon now. Everybody knows how this is gonna go, and it’s a fairly straightforward way for Cena to show he’s still got it by blowing out a serviceable worker and an alright big man. He hits his big moves, nails a Tiger Suplex to show he’s still with it, and then delivers an FU to Luke Gallows for three, grabbing a microphone and saying he wants a piece of Kenny Omega. He’s held World Titles everywhere he’s gone, and he doesn’t intend for AEW to be any different.
John Cena def. Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows (5:26)
Road to All Out 2021
John Cena isn’t alone in wanting a crack at the Belt Collector, though, and he’s confronted backstage on Dynamite by an old rival in Christian Cage. Cage says he’s been outworking everyone to get a shot at Omega, and says that on Rampage’s first episode, he’s set to face Kenny for the TNA and Impact World Titles. Cena congratulates him, telling Christian it’s good to see him, but Cage stops Cena from walking off. He says he’s got friends in Jungle Boy and Luchasaurus, but the numbers game might be a bit much, so he asks him to be in his corner should he need help fending off the Elite. John says he’ll be there, saying it’ll be funny to see Cage with TNA gold again, but tells him that it won’t stop him from pursuing Kenny’s AEW gold himself.
The first episode of Rampage plays out almost exactly as it did in real life, Cena leveling the odds and giving Cage the opening to nail a Killswitch onto a steel chair for three, stripping two titles from Omega’s belt collection. As he celebrates, the Elite hit the scene, but Cena, Christian and the Jurassic Express manage to clear them out, Cena telling Omega that’s not the only gold he’ll be losing. Coming out of the show, Tony Khan announces a huge eight man tag match for The First Dance - The Jurassic Express, Christian Cage and John Cena vs. The Good Brothers and the Young Bucks.
Naturally, the show kicks off with CM Punk’s return to professional wrestling, rocking the world to its core. However, Cena’s not one to be shown up by CM Punk in Chicago, managing to pick up the pin on Karl Anderson with a slight assist from the intervening Lucha Bros, undeniably positioning himself as Omega’s next challenger. As the bell rings, it’s made official for All Out’s main event - the Franchise vs. The Belt Collector, the GOAT vs. The Best Bout Machine, for the AEW World Championship.
John Cena, Christian Cage and The Jurassic Express def. The Elite (The Good Brothers and The Young Bucks) (12:07)
On the go-home show, Cena and Omega go face to face, Cena telling Kenny that he’s a brilliant performer - he’s earned those belts he collected, but let’s be real… there’s someone else in that ring that’s collected more. Kenny brushes Cena off, saying that he and John debuted right around the same time. They’ve even been in a lot of the same places, but Cena spent the 2010s growing soft, while Omega spent the 2010s becoming the best wrestler on the planet. He says that the scene’s changed while Cena’s been gone, so he can try his damndest, he can bring the Five Moves of Doom to All Out, but they quite literally just won’t hit like they used to.
All Out 2021
AEW World Title: John Cena vs. Kenny Omega (c)
It’s a big fight feel in front of a very divided crowd in Chicago as the embodiment of WWE faces off with the epitome of AEW, and the clash is everything they could have hoped for from the opening bell. Cena goes for a few roll-ups to try and get a quick three, and then tries to outwrestle Omega on the mat, but Kenny has him outclassed as he ups the pace for a HELLACIOUS V-TRIGGER! He gets Cena up in the electric chair, going straight for a One Winged Angel, but Cena throws a few punches before REVERSING INTO A VICTORY ROLL! ONE! TWO! TH-KICKOUT, AND NOW CENA LEVELS HIM WITH A FRANCHISE LARIAT! ONE! TWO! THRE-OMEGA KICKS OUT! The champion is on the ropes early, rolling out of the ring to try and shake the cobwebs out of his head, but CENA COMES IN WITH A SUICIDE DIVE! He’s starting to get the crowd on his side as he rallies against Omega, throwing him back in for a leg drop to the back of the neck for another nearfall, and following it up with an attempt at a PROTOBOMB, BUT OMEGA COUNTERS INTO A POISON RANA, AND NOW ANOTHER V-TRIGGER INTO THE ROPES FOR TWO!
Omega’s firmly in the driver’s seat now, and he’s enjoying picking apart Cena, rambling about sports entertainment as he hoists John up for a SNAP DRAGON SUPLEX! He keeps the pressure on with a dizzying array of strikes, Cena unable to respond to the sheer output of the Best Bout Machine, who finally tosses Cena to the floor for a RISE OF THE TERMINATOR! Don Callis laughs in Cena’s face as Omega lifts him up, but John manages to drive Kenny into the apron before delivering a desperate DDT on the outside to earn some breathing room. He turns his attentions to Callis, chasing him down to the glee of the crowd and GOING FOR AN FU, BUT OMEGA DROPS CENA WITH A KOTARO KRUSHER ON THE FLOOR! He calls for the One Winged Angel again, Cena fighting frantically to avoid the maneuver, but OMEGA TURNS IT INTO A CROYT’S WRATH, FOLDING CENA IN HALF ON THE OUTSIDE! He sends Cena between the ropes again, following it up with a DOCTOR WILY BOMB! ONE! TWO! THR-CENA GETS THE SHOULDER UP! Kenny knows the end must be near, and he calls for another V-Trigger, lining himself up with his target and CHARGING STRAIGHT INTO AN FU FROM CENA! ONE! TWO! THRE-KENNY KICKS OUT, BUT CENA GOES STRAIGHT INTO THE STFU! HE’S GOT IT IN DEEP!
Cena wrenches the hold as hard as he can, shouting at Omega to tap, but the Belt Collector begins to scratch and claw his way towards the bottom rope. Once he’s inches away, Cena releases to try and drag him back into the middle of the ring, but Callis leaps up on the apron to distract the referee so THE BUCKS CAN NAIL A DOUBLE SUPERKICK! Cena drops to his knees as the Bucks bail out, and Omega connects with a DOUBLE UNDERHOOK PILEDRIVER! ONE! TWO! THRE-NOOOO! Fed up, Omega calls once again for the One Winged Angel, grabbing Cena’s belt and wrenching him back, but John lands a stiff elbow to the bridge of the nose before nailing a TIGER SUPLEX, DUMPING KENNY RIGHT ON HIS HEAD! He can’t bridge for the cover, but he decides to place Omega on the top turnbuckle, hoisting him onto his shoulders as he rises to the second rope for an AVALANCHE FU, BUT OMEGA RAKES THE EYES! Cena’s stunned momentarily, and Omega drops down to nab him in the electric chair for a ONE WINGED ANGEL! ONE! TWO! THREE!
Kenny Omega def. John Cena (21:20) to retain the AEW World Title
Naturally, it’s a dogpile by the Elite on the Cenation leader, beating John down when… FTR ARE HERE! Dax and Cash, seemingly having left the Pinnacle, sprint down to the ring to try and even the odds, but against five men, it’s still elementary, the Bucks taking them down with ease before Omega begins his spiel. He says that Hangman can’t do it, Cena can’t do it, nobody can do it, because the only people who could ever give him a run for his money are already dead. Adam Cole comes out, the crowd goes nuts, he superkicks Cena, the crowd goes more nuts, Bryan Danielson fucking debuts, the crowd goes even MORE nuts, and Bryan helps level the playing field against The Elite, helping his old long-term rival up and standing tall to close the show.
Road to Full Gear 2021
It’s announced on Dynamite that Cena’s next match will be at Grand Slam, where not only will Bryan Danielson face Kenny Omega, but Cena will reunite with FTR to take on the SuperKliq. Cole gets a win over Harwood later in the night, but at Grand Slam, the Young Bucks’ spiral after losing their AEW Tag Team Titles continues, with FTR and Cena looking like they’d never parted ways. In the end, Cena manages to cinch in the STFU on Nick, FTR delivering a Shatter Machine to Matt to ensure that the younger Jackson taps out, John finally getting revenge against Adam Cole for sending him out on a loss in his last WWE TV match.
John Cena and FTR def. SuperKliq (15:03)
With another win under his belt, Cena says he wants to keep the momentum going and get back into the AEW Title picture. He knows it’ll be a grueling path to get there, and he knows that Hangman Page is getting a shot at Full Gear, but once he hears about the Full Gear Eliminator, he asks Tony Khan to be inserted. Khan grants him entry, and the rest of the bracket fills out on the road to Full Gear, pitting Cena against a true murderer’s row of contestants. The bracket looks like this, with the first round winners bolded:
John Cena vs. Christian Cage
Miro vs. Orange Cassidy
Eddie Kingston vs. Powerhouse Hobbs
Bryan Danielson vs. Andrade El Idolo
Full Gear Eliminator Opening Round: John Cena vs. Christian Cage
It’s been a while since we’ve seen these two face off, huh? The last time we saw them as opponents was Elimination Chamber 2014, and before that it was their epic rivalry in TNA. Cage gives Cena hell in what ends up being a fairly technical affair, trying to outwrestle the Cenation leader, but Cena manages to reverse a Killswitch into a Tiger Suplex before delivering an emphatic FU to advance to the next round.
John Cena def. Christian Cage (13:06) to advance
Full Gear Eliminator Semi-Final: John Cena vs. Miro
In the previous round, it was a cute “aw, these two were rivals! What a great callback to their work in TNA!” Here, it’s “remember that time Cena tried to literally kill Miro with a cannon for the US Title six years ago?” As a result, this is a brawl comparatively, where Miro insists lightning won’t strike twice and that he’ll be able to put Cena away, avenge his failures and become God’s Favourite Champion once more, but alas… nah. FU, straight into an STFU, and Miro passes out in the hold.
John Cena def. Miro (16:13) by technical submission to advance
Later in the night, Eddie Kingston falls short against Bryan Danielson, setting the stage for a tremendous match at Full Gear, and one the world’s been waiting to see again - Bryan Danielson vs. John Cena, with the winner challenging for the AEW World Title at Winter is Coming.
Full Gear 2021
Full Gear Eliminator Final: John Cena vs. Bryan Danielson
The last time these two met one on one was in 2018, and they were very, very different men at that point in time. Because of that, there’s still a feeling out process to start here, with both men demonstrating their growth despite having duked it out on and off for over a decade. Cena gets control early, using his power to keep Danielson in check, and he even connects with an Emerald Flowsion for a nearfall to really take the lead in the match. Bryan continues to work from below, focusing on Cena’s neck with sparse rallies of suplexes and kicks, but Cena manages to bear down on him continuously, cutting off his momentum once Bryan gets some steam with a HUGE BOSS MAN SLAM FOR TWO! Cena calls for the FU, but Danielson lands on his feet, kicking out the back of the knee and unleashing a flurry of shoot kicks before uncorking a roundhouse to the head, followed by a BUSAIKU KNEE! ONE! TWO! THRE-KICKOUT! Now in the driver’s seat, Danielson simply looks for another Busaiku Knee, knowing they’ve fared well in the past against Cena, going back as far as his first use of the move at SummerSlam 2013.
He waits for Cena to get up, but CENA PICKS THE LEG TO LOCK IN THE STFU! NOBODY’S CLEANLY ESCAPED THIS ONE IN AEW! He keeps it in tight, Bryan scrambling before finally getting his free foot on the rope, Cena releasing the hold for a SAITO SUPLEX TO BRYAN! He lays into him with a few shoulder blocks before looking out at the crowd, all madly yes-ing, and smirks before leaning over for a “You Can’t See Me” and a FIVE KNUCKLE SHUFFLE! He winds up for another FU attempt, but Danielson comes out balling in the fourth quarter, countering the FU into a TRIANGLE ARMBAR! HE’S GOT IT IN DEEP, BUT CENA’S STILL UPRIGHT FOR A HUGE SITOUT POWERBOMB… YET DANIELSON KEEPS IT IN! He delivers furious elbows to the crown of Cena’s head, trying to bust the Franchise open with sharp blows and an increasingly tight constriction around his jugular, all while wrenching the arm past its breaking point… CENA’S OUT! DANIELSON IS THE NUMBER ONE CONTENDER!
Bryan Danielson def. John Cena (20:20) to win the Full Gear Eliminator Tournament
Road to Winter is Coming 2021
Coming out of Full Gear, Cena’s pretty dejected, and he comes out to cut a promo on what his goals are going forward. He says he’s not really had the chance to introduce himself to AEW yet, because he came in so hot, but now he’s here to lay it all out - and he’s here to stay. He’s happy to be sharing a locker room with guys he hasn’t seen in years, he’s honoured to be in front of the fans he hasn’t heard in far too long, and he’s proud to be fighting against some of the best new talent he’s never crossed paths with before. Speaking of that new talent, he hears that there’s a battle royal going on soon, with the winner getting a match for a Diamond Ring. That sounds cool. He’s never had a Diamond Ring before.
Dynamite Diamond Ring Battle Royal
This match is a vessel for John Cena to interact with the young guns - he has a charisma-off with Ricky Starks (which he loses), a meat-off with Powerhouse Hobbs (which he loses), and then realizes Dante Martin isn’t human when he invents six new aerial moves you’ve never heard of in the span of thirty seconds. However, he does manage to survive until the final three, when he finally comes head to head with MJF. The crowd goes nuts, and, as it’s in Long Island, they’re very much behind the defending champion. However, Wardlow is the third man, and MJF immediately shouts at him to help eliminate Cena. Wardlow begrudgingly complies, laying Cena out with a lariat before going for a Powerbomb Symphony, but once the damage is done, MJF insists he stop so that Max can get the finish in front of his hometown crowd. He picks Cena up, and CENA SHOVES HIM INTO WARDLOW, BLASTING THE STUNNED WAR DOG WITH A FRANCHISE LARIAT OVER THE TOP! CENA AND MJF ADVANCE!
John Cena and MJF win the Dynamite Diamond Ring Battle Royal (9:35)
The go-home show for Winter is Coming sees MJF and Cena meet face to face, with MJF tearing Cena apart on the mic for not only taking FTR from him, but for coming out here and thinking he can hang with this new generation of wrestlers, when the fact is that Cena can’t lace MJF’s boots. He’s been doing this for two decades, he’s got more accolades than anybody, but when they meet at Winter is Coming, Cena’s going to see just how far the game has advanced without him. He’ll be a fish out of water, because for all the talk about loving the game, he doesn’t know shit about professional wrestling. Cena takes off his ball cap, rubs his bald spot, and simply says “fine speech,” refusing to dignify MJF with much of a response beyond calling him a spoiled kid who’s gonna learn what happens when you cross a man who truly never gives up.
Winter is Coming 2021
Dynamite Diamond Ring: John Cena vs. MJF
Following a clinic between Bryan Danielson and Hangman Page, MJF and Cena have a pretty straightforward bout, MJF managing to outwrestle his foe early, but being completely unable to put him away. He tries to pull out some cheeky roll-ups, and Cena keeps kicking out, simply laughing at MJF’s efforts. Taunting him. MJF keeps getting more frustrated as the match progresses, and he lands some huge shots on Cena, connecting with a DDT on the apron for two, and finally NAILING A HEAT SEEKER! ONE! TWO! THR-KICKOUT! MJF is seething, throwing punches to the side of Cena’s head before shouting at Wardlow to grab the ring. The referee turns to Wardlow, and MJF REACHES INTO HIS TRUNKS, PULLING THE RING OUT! The ref’s back is turned… HE THROWS A PUNCH, BUT CENA DUCKS IT AND NAILS AN FU AS THE REF TURNS AROUND! ONE! TWO! THR-KICKOUT! Cena can’t believe it, but he tries to stay on the attack, landing a shoulder block, and then another, before mockingly delivering a wave in front of his face for a FIVE KNUCKLE SHUFFLE, BUT A FURIOUS MJF PUNCHES CENA RIGHT IN THE JAW WITH THE DIAMOND RING! HE LOST HIS COOL! The referee looks at MJF, Wardlow not having gotten his attention in time, and simply calls for the bell, knowing it was a flagrant foul.
John Cena def. MJF (12:54) by disqualification to win the Dynamite Diamond Ring
MJF is apoplectic, screaming at the referee as the ring is taken off his finger before trying to attack Cena further, but FTR step up to their old boss, simply standing in the way. The referee hands Cena the Diamond Ring as he staggers to his feet, and, with a sly grin, Cena puts it on his hand and waves a positively gleeful diamond-encrusted “You Can’t See Me” to MJF. MJF’s eyes are popping out in fury, and he simply instructs Wardlow to attack, Shawn Spears running in as well with a chair. They lay into Cena and FTR, Wardlow doling out powerbomb after powerbomb after powerbomb after powerbomb to the Cenation Leader before Spears begins to wear the chair out over his back. MJF pries the ring off his finger and BLASTS IT INTO CENA’S SKULL AGAIN! The Franchise’s blood begins to flow, trickling down his face as MJF holds him up, screaming at John before spitting on the ring, dropping it in front of him and letting the motionless Cena fall, an image eerily similar to Cena’s departure from WWE. MJF grabs a microphone, and declares that anybody who wants to incite him, any WWE has-been who wants to play around like John, is going to be left lying in a pool of their own blood just like him, setting the stage for his upcoming feud with CM Punk as the show goes off the air.

I've bought over 30 RV & MH parks in the last 5 years. Lately? 2 per month.
Want our playbook? Here ya go:
How to buy a small, off-market mobile home or RV park that can 2x your money in 1-2 years, in 5 steps:

Pick a city in a red state.

The two biggest factors: Crime & unemployment rates

1. Crime: CrimeGrade . org
2. Unemployment: SimpleMaps . com

Cities with 3k - 30k people are best. This is the sweet spot for enough population & not to much competition.
You want parks with almost no web presence & little to no reviews.
A DG nearby is great. Walmart is better. But remember, “if no DG, it ain’t for me.”
If there's a Whole Foods you ain't getting a good deal, I promise.
Growth rate is good too, but #3 to the two above. Don't worry about the path of progress as much as other asset classes might.

Find the leads

Get on Google Maps and search "mobile home park" in your target area(s). Avoid NY & CA (not landlord friendly).
Make a Google sheet of the leads & use Loom to record your screen.
Spend 30 mins doing this.
OR, use something like Outscraper to do it for you. Be warned though, that if you don’t do this yourself the scraped results may not be as accurate.
If you’re targeting a smaller geographical area I would do it by hand. If a whole state, use software.
You’re looking for phone numbers. Use SearchBug . com to see if cell or landline for pennies. Or Phone Validator
Go to Upwork and hire a virtual assistant to keep doing this for you, assuming you are targeting a larger area. They will cost around $4/hour.
Use that same Loom link in your posting so applicants can see what the job will entail.
When working, Loom it! You’ll never know when you’ll need it. When in doubt, Loom it out!
More leads = better deals.

Call the leads

Call up the owners and be real. Don't talk about any accolades. He doesn't care and it will only hurt you.
You're a hard working country boy. You have a wife and kids (I hope you actually do).
Are you a democrat? Don't tell the owner. (Sorry, democrats).
Here's your general pitch:
"I'm not a broker, I'm just looking for some good real estate and don't want to waste your time with a lowball offer. I can pay cash and close fast"
Tell him about your wife and kids and what you do on the weekend.
Most importantly, LISTEN. He's going to talk your ear off. This is a good sign.

Ask the right questions

Ask him:
How many pad sites?
How many of those have a unit on them?
How many of the units are RVs? (It's common for there to be a mix of MH/RV)
Any single family homes on the property? Rent?
Are the units park owned or tenant owned? (this is key)
If a mix, what's the mix?
Park-owned homes you have to maintain. AVOID AT ALL COSTS. Tenant-owned homes are key (lot rent). This means you only rent out the land and underground infrastructure.
Depending on the state, sometimes you can sell back or give away the park-owned units to the tenants to absolve yourself of maintenance. Check the laws!
You'll command half the rent but enjoy 90% less hassles.
$250 - $350 is common lot rent in the midwest and SE.
What's the occupancy and rental amount of each type of unit?
Any outbuildings on the property?
Septic or city sewer? If septic, conventional or aerobic? Sewer is best. Septic isn’t a deal breaker but you REALLY want to have it inspected.
If there’s a lagoon or wastewater treatment plant I want you to throw that phone as far as you can, block their number and never speak of it again.
Within city limits or no? City limits are best but rare.
Outstanding municipal or zoning issues?
How much is insurance?
How much is landscaping?
Asphalt, cement or dirt roads?
Condition of the roads?
Any drainage issues?
Is there a manager? What do you pay them? (Best if no manager)
Any pending litigation?
What are total collections?
How do people pay rent?
How many are delinquent?
What condition are the units in?
Do you have a lien on the property?
How long have you owned it?
30 or 50 amp?
City maintained streets?
City water or well? City is best.
Keep in mind, that’s a lot of questions to ask. You have to feel it out, if he’s being standoffish, don’t keep pushing, just call back. This isn’t a used car lot, this is a relationship you’re trying to build.
Don’t try and close on this first call.
The key question:
"If we were to make a deal, what's a ballpark offer you'd expect?"
NEVER anchor him with the phrase "bottom dollar."
Using the word "ballpark" keeps numbers loose.
Whatever number he says, you want to pause and hem and haw over it. Embrace the silence and awkwardness.
Back to car sales, they call this the “silent walkaround” when valuing a trade-in. Don’t say a thing about the asset, but point out the flaws with your body language.
Touch the dents and scratches as you pause.
Do the phone version of this.
Tell him you'll get back to him tomorrow.
Thank him profusely for his time and congratulate him on the park he's built.

Underwrite

Before you do anything, check with the city to ensure the park is in good standing. Get that in writing. Don't trust the seller. Buyers are liars? So are sellers!
Now's time to crunch numbers:
What's a cap rate? The net operating income of the park divided by the price you'd like to pay.
If you want your money back in 5 years and you're willing to pay up to $1m, you need $200k net profit per year.
This is a 20% cap rate (20 cap). It's aggressive but possible on a smaller, rural park. (Yes, it really is, even in 2023)
You probably won’t find a park that big in a small town for a good price, though.
Start w/ a smaller park & higher cap rate. More room for error. $300k - $1m purchase price.
First do some market research:
Remember all your leads? Call competing parks as a potential tenant and ask what their lot rent is.
Put this in a spreadsheet to get average lot rent & park-owned home rent.
Keep in mind many of these parks will be undercharging as well.
It's common to find parks charging $100 that could charge $250.
When calculating cap rate BE CONSERVATIVE. Don't count on 100% of people staying if you increase rents, even though most will.
Use $190 to be safe.
Shoot for a park that will net $100k/year after rent increases that you pay no more than $600k for.
It’s hard but not impossible.
Or maybe you find a $30k/year park to get your feet wet. At least you're in the game.
The more leads you scrape, the better chance of finding this park.
Shoot for as much seller financing as you can get.
Finance the rest with friends/family or savings.
Once you find this park, get it under contract.
Use a standard, simple real estate form that you can find on your state's real estate commission website.
Texas' is called TREC.
Yes, get it under contract before seeing it.
Put down earnest and option money, and then go see it.
Don't dress like a city slicker. Be personable and be willing to stay a while and BS.
Drive a Tesla? Rent a truck. Drive a Prius? Just quit.
Inspect the condition of the units, even if you aren't buying them
Crappy units = more tenants willing to abandon them.
And they aren't cheap to remove or move.
Verify everything he said on the call
If all looks good, start on the inspections:
Septic or sewer lines
SFH home inspection.
Check with the city for outstanding issues or litigation
Check for liens
Wastewater treatment plant? If so, abandon ship!
Electrical infrastructure
Use professionals for all of these.
Ask for:
Rent rolls. They will likely be handwritten, that’s ok.
Bank statements.
Ask to speak to a few tenants to get their experience.
Inspect their lease.
Ask for vendor invoices or history of payments.
Ask to speak to vendors.
At some point before you close, list the property on Craigslist, FB Marketplace and Zillow. See how demand is for vacancies.
If all still looks good, close on the property.

Post-closing strategy

Meet all the tenants in the evening, they're at work during the day.
Shake their hands. Tell them you want their experience to be amazing & you want them to stay
Give them your number
Ask what can be fixed
If fixes are cheap, do them ASAP
Tell that tenant once fixes are made. Address them by name.
Clean up the park. Hire a tree guy to clear out low hanging branches.
Do some simple landscaping.
Find the tattletale in the park and get all the dirt. Who are the druggies and abusive husbands?
Get them out ASAP if you can. They are much more expensive than the temporary vacancy hit.
Fix potholes and drainage issues.
ADD VALUE. Show you care.
Wait a couple months before making any changes.
Bring lot rents closer to market. Be upfront about this. They will understand if they've been getting a deal.
Give people 2-3 more months' notice to give them time.
Keep renting out vacancies at new price.
This isn't self storage. You won't raise rents yearly. Don't be a jerk.
Let them know what to expect.
Once rents are raised and park is stabilized, you are 9-12 months in.
Search Loopnet for the most active MHP brokers
Hire the best one & pay what he or she commands.
Sell on the market for 7-10% cap
You've just 2-3x'ed your money. Rinse & repeat. I have done this over many times. Not all of my deals were bangers, but most were. THERE ARE STILL DEALS OUT THERE.
There's a lot of fine print, and things can and will go wrong, so don't be dumb. Do your own research. Not everything can be explained in 1,700 words.
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man i absolutely internalised bigotry like man just go you know its bad for other people you know its bad for you and you know that it server no point but tradition and satiating the human desire for a constant i the wolrd sure you might be compassionate for the people who desire fo rthings to remain the same as you can relate but at the same time much much more people are sufferng because of the status quo being upheld and you cant even bring yourself to disagree with it let alone work to change
look yes things are terrifying and full of battles you will have to deal with before probably ones that are a million times tougher than what you have dealt with before or would have dealt with if not for this but the point of life is to enjoy the amplitude of good and bad to feel emotion and persevere no matter what if anything going through with that will only make you live more so why are you not doing heck no slow down why do you not even admit to not wanting to do it do you not even wanna live at all?
though i guess its not just a question about yourself its also a question of if youre worthy if you can meet the standards you yourself set for yourself(which you currently arent ya lazy fuck do that present) let alone those of other you think youre incapable of putting in the same effort as other people which is obvisouly flas eas all life is capable of burning brightly yet you fear but a single spark you fear that the light you may create may disturb that of others in much worse situations burning with every ounce of their being to goal
its a question of if you event want this would achieving this even carry any value for you no like actually lets break this down in a way that wont make the voices pester you in the world
what do you want out of it? is it that you want to become something you desire? would that not dehumanize the people who become it or already are because you are both bringing that desire to reality instead of voiding it and also inputting a great amount of anything into something that may be nothing but the flesh
do you really want to
do you
do you really want to become one of the people you claim to hate? yeahh thats an apropriate word do you seriously want to become someone who goes out of their way to butt into the lives of others and annoy them in order to get basic fucking human rights do you really wanna try it and make it clear that you are nought but a bitter person trying to make themselves feel better by trying to gain moral superiority over every person you know out of a desire to convince yourself you are worth something that your life isnt a waste
sure the indomitable human spirirt and all that we absolutely love that concept but lets be real its nothing but a thin veil we use to pretend like we arent bitter hurting creatures trying to feel good without feeling bad trying to take what we want from others as long as it doesnt negatively affect us
do you seriously want to being so selfish that even the simple explanation of needing to be a little bit selfish no longer works or do you wanna admit youve been that up to this point? or is your ass too fragile to actually take the tru
the truth? is it really the truth that feels like a heavy word to use it claims absolute authority and unamigous certainty are you sure you want to make yourself that to turn your preception of the worst parts of yourself into reality by solidfying them as truth something that cannot be changed well it can be changed obviously everything can but thats effort youer not going to put in are you? or is the ffort going to become more after you admit it as 'truth'? maybe just maybe you want to keep on this farce of a life and do the little things that make you feel like youre progressing the things that identify you as someone good while also indulging in the 'evils' of existence
is that what you want to be? an evil being pretend to be good or perhaps do you want to be pure evil with certainty that you are negative or do you want to be good masquarading as good suffering the negatives of both sides both internal and society or do you want to be pure good and try and achieve a goal that simply does not want to be brought forth by the universe do you want to make it real do you want to become better ofr simply persuing it isnt that it isnt the persuit of perfection that defines it and not the end result the constant strife to be better and better that is to be perfect so in a sense it is achievabl eyet you poison your mind with this information and will now simply strive for the strife itself only becomes but a amere shadow of good not even average because teh average doesnt include effort
sigh what even got us onto this? sure lets look maybe thatll be of some help ig
oh right that thing sigh... you could say it you could say the word and make it real your desire to desire something your desire to exist but that would also bring forth all the dangers of the soceity which you live in and strip you of an advantages you may have had and you arent brave enough for that are you? your enot brave enough to let that one word that one thought slip outside of your thick skull so that you may gaze at it and actually evaluate it all because theres a one in a bagillion chance that some FUCKING DOUCHEBAG will find that you even questioned and worst of all they wont even come at you they wont try to kill you or turn your life miserable THEY WILL FUCKING PATRONIZE YOU TALK TO YOU LIKE ITS OSME FUCKIN ILLNESS LIKE ALL THE PEOPLE THAT DEAL WITH IT ARE NAUGHT BUT ANIMALS AND THAT YOU ARE 'BETTER' THAN THEM THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE THAT SHITHEAD WILL COE FORTH AND DESTROY EVERYHTING YOU KNOW AN DLOVE ANF MOST OF ALL YOUR MIND this non existant fucker you just made up will make you shatter into a million pieces you will never pick up fully it will change you and you make you
make you what? a different person? i guess i guess we really cant just admit to wanting to change in any way shape or form huh no matte rhow much we claim to have changed its all just superficial because at the end of it all at our core we remain that little athetic creature trembling shacking and screaming trying to retain a single slither of identity it has knowing full it doesnt exist that said identity is but a spill of sauce into a vast bathtub being washed out as we speak yet it grasps at the impossible for what
the desire to exist?
the desire to have it all figured out? to explain the unknown bby simply saying "its unknown" knowing full well that that doesnt mean anythign that it is but a quirk of language to describe something without describing it to make it understandable when you really dont know it to give i a face and pretend youre fine when at the end youre deeply terrified of anything which you know changing
so
do you want to gaze into the abyss? do you want to finally remove the hands you put infornt of your eyes to hide yourself from the big bad new thing? do you want to say hello? you cant be rude come on say hi they wont hurt you and if by any chance they do know that the fire of a thousand suns awaits them and that you will recover much faster than you expected affected but better for it and if it doesnt then great you gain a new friend
or i guess you could keep hiding yourslef in there for a little while longer for when you want to have some fun when you grow tired of waiting in the dark
sure go on at least for now youre a big boy after all you have toys to look after and friends to run around with enjoying your life even while shackled and unawre of the burden you are carrying or more likely simply ignoring it
when youre done dinner will be here waiting for you together with me and we can talk about your day

Hi hi! I want to exhaust all my resources before I make a decision lol
I worked with a colleague/old boss for a couple of years. I've had a crush on her for a little while but didn't really say anything because I felt like she was straight based off of a couple of things she's said. Also it's a professinal setting and I don't like to cross ethical boundaries like that. Anyway, I've been hit with some suspicious interactions that have me thinking otherwise about her being straight. We are both females, 27&38. Here are some that have stood out:
•found a picture of me at a pride event and sent it to me telling me she thought I looked great and had an amazing smile •sent an article regarding her personality type and how people with this personality type say I love you. She only sent it to me and someone else who shares the same personality type. I don't have the same one •calls me beautiful, cute, adorable etc. all the time, a lot more lately •questions my dating status and seems to be curious about if I'm actively dating e.g. if I talk about a friend, she'll ask for confirmaton if I'm just friends with said person and it's happened multiple times (one recent instance: I was telling her and another person that a friend of mine surprised me with a cake and flowers for my birthday and her immediate response was "so are you going to tell us who this friend is or are you going to make us guess?") •on the last day at my job, I gave her and some other people farewell cards. She read it in front of me and gave me a hug that felt really intimate (last at least 10 seconds and very tight hahaha) •couple of days ago texted me and said she was thinking about me and what'd to know how I was doing •she's not much of a texter and we've talked less in recent times Because of more physical distance but the suspicious events ramped up a little as I got closer to leaving which is making it harder for me to just leave this behind
Do yall think there is anything here or am I just reading too much into it? Should I confess my feelings? We have a little bit of physical distance now, and I am 3 hours a away for the next month and will be closer to her after that. I am not sure if this type of thing is better in person because we aren't constantly texting. Thanks for any advice!!!!

I have been reading through this forum and had a feeling I should write this and post it. This might be long as I would like to provide as much context as possible since I can't talk to anyone about this.
I have been sitting with my struggles 9n sexuality since around 5th grade.
I was a tomboy ever since I was a toddler. I liked boys clothes, boys toys and my parents didn't believe in gender stereotypes thankfully. Eventually when I grew older, still being a tomboy, my grandmother started realizing I was wearing just boy clothes and nothing 'lady like' and she scolded me for it. My mom also eventually scolded me for not picking any clothes from the girl section and started forcing me to choose clothes from there.
I was raised in a very conservative home. There was a time where we were extremely strict about Christianity that our household stopped watching, doing and buying things that were 'devilish', weither it was the American Dragon series or the Little Mermaid movie, I wasn't allowed to watch anymore. But as a child I was happy about it. I knew we were honoring God and praising him and I was serious about our lifestyle. Eventually my parents realized that they may have went overboard and everything went back to normal.
As I became older I started having feelings towards girls, but I brushed it off. In school it was a trend to have a boyfriend, so obviously I wanted one. My perception of a boyfriend during my childhood was having a male friend and having fun together, play games, get gifts from him, hugs and kisses and it was a sweet thing. I had boyfriends during school, but never anything serious. At 5th grade I fell in love with a female celebrity. She was my role model and everyone knew. I then started realizing I didn't see her as a role model, but like someone I would have a loving relationship with and that's when I realized I was sitting with a problem. I tried to talk to my mom about it, but didn't know how.
At this point I knew there were a handful of things 'wrong' with (specifically) my mom, some of it being gay and having sex before marriage.
I asked her, "Have you ever been so obsessed with a female celebrity that..." And I didn't finish the sentence just to see if my mom understands. She continues with, "that I want to be her? Yes of course."
I"So not so much that you want to be with her?" She simply answered no. This was the first moment I felt like I am sitting with a problem that I can't tell anyone about.
My mother was someone I always listened to, always looked up to, and I did what she would do.
I started having dreams about girls. Happy ones, and it always broke me when I woke up, realizing I will never have this.
Eventually, being gay became open to society and everyone came out to their family and friends. This was when I realized I had to acknowledge that I was bisexual but for some reason, deep down inside me I told myself that that was a lie and I was just saying it just to be straight.
During my teens, all my friends were experimenting and I eventually became comfortable enough to come out to a few.
Around 16, I went on holiday just with my mother. It was then thay I decided to come out to her. I have been doing research to see if there was a way I can do this with confidence. I remember asking her questions the night before such as, "Would you still love me if I murdered people? Would you still love me even if I wasn't a Christian?" And all her answers were yes, and I was so happy to hear her say that. It gave me more confidence in myself knowing my mom will accept me. My mom also has a few lesbian friends, so everything will turn out alright, right?
That morning she woke me up with a cup of coffee and we sat in the kitchen. I told her there was something I wanted to tell her and she listened intensively. It made me extremely nervous and it was like she knew what I was about to say. I then told her I am bi. When she didn't say anything for a minute. I started crying, knowing I screwed up, wanting to turn back time and just never bring it up ever. She then replied to me that I am not in fact bi. She explained that she would have known, she knew me since I was born and she never saw that in me. She also stated that I was desperate, and that broke me even more. Her words caused me to completely shut down and not talk any further about it. We have ignored the conversation for about 2 years.
So with this event, I started become quite rebllious. I started smoking cigarettes, vaping, smoking weed, drinking and such. I felt that it was me against the world and it felt so lonely.
Eventually my mom met my step father. He is the guy to go to if you have any questions about the Bible or Christianity or God as he went to missionary school. He has been through everything that life could throw at you and it's a mricale he survived the shit he went through. He is the coolest guy I know and I love him as if he was my real father. But he obviously has stated a few times how wrong it is to be gay and how disgustung it is.
Whenever we went on holiday, me, my mom, my step dad and my step sister, I would always have these conflicted feelings about my sexuality. And it clearly made me upset as my mom would always notice it.
One holiday, it was just me and her on the beach. Then she brought up our conversation we had when I came out to her. She asked me, "Do you still feel those feelings?" Obviously it was hard for me to talk to her about it, so I was constantly on edge of crying. I never looked at her when I answered her. She started asking me questions like, "Were you ever molested or raped by anybody?" And I knew exactly why she asked that.
My mom used to tell me that people are either born gay (she doesn'tbelieve that anymore) or they got sexually assaulted, making them have a life issue and almost giving them a reason to be gay. I told her no, because I never was touched as a child or ever in my life. Then she never spoke of it again for another 2-3 years.
By chance, I met a girl when I was 17 and we were both interested in one another. We eventually got into a relationship, but it quickly became unpleasant. She was a mentally unstable person, with a lot of family issues that I had to sit with and it eventually ended messy.
The fact that I had to hide my relationship from both my parents made it extremely difficult and she lived faraway (my parents were the only source of transport at this time). I had to lie to my parents that she was my new friend and we just wanted to hang out.
I took it as a sign that God doesn't want me to have a sexual relationship with the same gender.
At 18 girls started approaching me, but I always layed them off as they were either sketchy or just not my type. Sometimes I just thought I was being picky because I wanted a hot girlfriend even though I was a chubby messy teenager. So my standards are too high lol.
As I got into university, I got a lot of friends and most of them also knew about my sexuality. I felt free when I was in university because it was just me and my friends to worry about. My mom nor my dad had to worry what was going on with my life there.
This is when my mother and I had our last conversation about my sexuality. She asked me again if I had the same feelings as I used to WHILE my step father and sister were in the house. I remember closing the door and telling her, "Is this really the time to talk about it?" And she said that she just wanted to talk. I answered her question with a yes and then she just randomly asked me what boys I was into in my class. I told her none since I was the only girl in class and the boys were like brothers to me. And since then she never talked about it. Think it's been about 4-5 years now.
I remember she left a written letter on my bed saying I will meet the right man and I will love having sec with him because sex with a man is an amazing experience and all that. I was angry. She just doesn't want me to get hurt by the world, but she wants the best life for me. And just thinking of this again hurts me. I thought as an adult I would be less confused but it gets so hard. It is so hard.
I then started doing research about the Bible amd what it says about homosexuality, thinking God's answer to my problem would be in the Bible. All I saw was that it was wrong. Wrong wrong wrong everywhere wrong.
I started questioning myself, and eventually I started losing my faith, but it always stuck with me. I think even if I didn't want to be a Christian now I couldn't do it because it is a part of me. The Holy Spirit is within me, I know this. But eventually I started thinking of how I can solve my problem and I told myself just to stay alone forever, then I don't have to worry about going against God.
I eventually came out to my father, and I expected his reaction to be worse than my mother, but he was so accepting. He hugged me and kissed, saying he loves me and it's okay. My whole life I thought my dad was the biggest gay hater, but he wasn't. He unfortunately died in 2021.
Then, I met my boyfriend, the sweetest man alive. He isn't a Christian, but he knows everything about me and he acceots me for who I am.
When we had sex for the first time I was so scared. I was scared that God will damn me to hell immediately with no take backs. I started worrying again what my mom would think of me if she ever found out, so there was something else I can't talk about with here.
This year I learned that my mom never wauted for marriage until she started having sex with my dad. I got this information from my aunt. And as I go deeper into adulthood I realize my mom isn't perfect.
Anyways, I am currently living with my boyfriend and we started talking about marriage and kids. But recently, my attraction towards woman have become a problem again.
He knows that I am bi and I told him all of my problems I had to sit with. Now I feel like I am forcing myself into a normal straight life, so that my family can be happy with me. My mom has been begging me that I have kids because she wants grand babies. And at firat it was cute. But now I feel like I am using my boyfriend.
I don't know even know if I love him or not. I don't know if I want to go through this or not. I feel like I am doing all this just so that I can keep my family and God happy. I want to be in heaven with them.
I tried to pray to God about it since, but it always feels like he goes silent when I ask these things. I try to write about it sometimes too.
I am sorry for unloading this here. It feels more like a vent than anything else. I don't even believe that being gay is okay. I hate myself for being this way. I have been having suicidal thoughts ever since I started with my solution of being alone. I was so desperate once that I even wanted my step father to talk to me about to hint about my feelings, but it never happened.
Now I am just trying to fake it until I make it.