Birthday poems in spanish for fathers

I recently finished Hannibal: Rome’s Greatest Enemy by Dr. Philip Freeman. It’s a fascinating and digestible chronicle of Hannibal Barca, the general of the ancient African city-state of Carthage who invaded Italy and directly challenged the primacy of Rome in 218 BC. Though I have long considered Hannibal and Stannis Baratheon to be among my favorite figures in history and fiction alike, they share similarities beyond the affection of nerds. Reading Dr. Freeman’s book helped me to establish parallels between Hannibal’s military escapades and Stannis’s campaign in the North against the Boltons.

Strangers in Foreign Lands

Hannibal was in Spain waging a campaign of unification and conquest. After he sought to conquer the city-state of Saguntum, which had a prominent pro-Roman faction, Rome threatened Carthage with destruction if they didn’t surrender Hannibal to them. The threat resulted in a declaration of war between Carthage and Rome, with Hannibal taking the conflict to the Romans’ doorstep (pages 42-47).
As Dr. Freeman establishes:

“The mountainous peninsula [of Spain] was divided among countless warring tribes who hate each other more than any outsiders. They had long welcomed Greek and Punic merchants who lived in small colonies…The native Iberian and Celtic forces of Spain…were a brave and proud people…Foremost among these were the many Iberian tribes whose ancestors had lived in Spain since time immemorial….The languages they spoke were not part of the vast Indo-European family that included Latin, Greek, and Celtic, but were older tongues which had been used in Spain for thousands of years…” (26-27).

Though I focus much of the parallels on Hannibal’s time in Italy, I’d be remiss not to mention the similarities between the Iberian Peninsula and the North of Westeros. Just as the ancient indigenous tribes of Iberia were a brave, proud people that predate the Greeks and other merchants and colonizers, the Northmen are largely First Men whose culture, beliefs, and values both predate and have survived the arrival of the Andals and the Targaryens.
Not to mention, the Iberians and Northmen both share pride and ferocity in combat. Hannibal was a stranger to Spain, having been born and raised in his Carthaginian homeland, just as Stannis is to the North. For both of them, they needed to recognize, adapt to, and take advantage of the strengths of the local inhabitants.
I also can’t help but think of Jon Snow’s description of the Northern mountain clans, who become Stannis’s first allies in his campaign against the Boltons:

“Men have lived in the high valleys and mountain meadows for thousands of years, ruled by their clan chiefs…Clan champions fight with huge two-handed greatswords, while the common men sling stones and batter one another with staffs of mountain ash. A quarrelsome folk, it must be said. When they are not fighting one another, they tend their herds, fish the Bay of Ice, and breed the hardiest mounts you'll ever ride” (ADWD, Jon IV).

Diverse, Tested Coalitions

When war broke out over Saguntum:

“[Hannibal] began to gather a professional and truly multinational army. Africans, Spaniards, Ligurians, Celts, Phoenicians, Greeks, and many others all flocked to Hannibal to fight the hated Romans” (51).

Stannis Baratheon’s army is also incredibly diverse, despite its small size. Stannis, as Lord of Dragonstone, commands the fealty of the houses of Blackwater Bay and the surrounding coastline of the crownlands. He also continues to command the support of several stormlander houses after the Battle of Blackwater, as well as the Florents of the Reach. Those soldiers that came with Stannis to the Wall have been tried and tested, surviving the Battle of Blackwater, leaving their home on Dragonstone to sail north, and beating Mance Rayder’s host.
That’s all before he arrives at the Wall, where he begins to collect the support of Northern houses such as the mountain clans, survivors from Ramsay Bolton’s attack on Winterfell, Umbers, Glovers, and Mormonts. The Northerners that have joined or are slated to join Stannis have also been tested by war, having fought Ironborn invaders and gone south to wage war on the Lannisters.
Finally, both the Northerners and Southron knights are united in opposition to Lannister dominance. The North already had plenty of reasons to hate the Lannisters prior to the Red Wedding. Their alliance with the Freys and Boltons after the Red Wedding only serves to inflame said hatred.
The Southron knights also arguably have little to gain by deserting Stannis post-Blackwater. The Lannisters have already divided the spoils of war and propped up new lords to take over the lands of Stannis Baratheon’s supporters. House Florent’s lands have been given over to Garlan Tyrell, while House Caron’s have been given to Philip Foote.
There are also other grievances. Stannis mentions how Richard Horpe was passed over for the Kingsguard by Cersei. And of course, the Florents are still adamant about having a stronger claim to Highgarden than the Lannister-allied Tyrells. The prospects of Stannis sitting the Iron Throne may seem slim, but his supporters would rather attach themselves to those odds than face landlessness, poverty, exile, or even execution.

No Turning Back

Going back to Hannibal:

“His plan was as simple as it was audacious. He would lead his army over the Pyrenees Mountains into Gaul, then somehow find a way through the high passes of the snow-covered Alps into Italy itself…Hannibal was committing the Carthaginian army to fight a war in the Roman homeland without any promise of support or reinforcement” (52).

Stannis’s situation is even worse, with him being trapped in the North by the outbreak of winter. There really aren’t any men at all he can call upon, with the wildlings being left at the Wall and his supporters in left in the south being too few in number and preoccupied with defending Storm’s End and Dragonstone. Hannibal didn’t have the promise of support, but Stannis knows he has no support left for him to look to. If Stannis loses his rather small army against the Boltons, it’s over.

“…to the Romans, Hannibal’s advance was a more favorable turn of events than they could have hoped for. The Roman legions would now be able to fight the war not in hostile Spain, but among their allied Greek cities of Gaul…” (53).

Similarly, one might argue that Stannis Baratheon leaving the security of Dragonstone and, later, the Wall for a march on Winterfell gives the Boltons the advantage. The Boltons are an ancient Northern family that are familiar with the landscape and environment, and Ramsay has already seized Winterfell once before. Stannis, in this bold gamble, is heading into the belly of the beast just as Hannibal did.

The Arrival of the Liberator

“Italy was not solidly Roman” (67-68).

Indeed, many of the nations in Italy were often openly opposed to the Roman regime.

“Hannibal, ever the master of troop morale, had called an assembly of his army before they left the Rhône and brought forward an Italian Celtic chieftain named Magilus who spoke to the Carthaginian soldiers and assured them his people were eagerly waiting to welcome them on the far side of the Alps” (58).

Dr. Freeman routinely establishes throughout the book that the Romans are a vindictive oppressor in Italy and the surrounding area. The Romans were not partners to the many Celtics, Etruscans, and Greeks living in Italy. Rather, these non-Roman peoples lived under the heel of this burgeoning imperialist power. Many of these people did not love Carthage, they just wanted to see Rome lose.
Of course, many of the North would be absolutely elated to see the Freys and Boltons. As Barbrey Dustin says:

“Lord Wyman is not the only man who lost kin at your Red Wedding, Frey. Do you imagine Whoresbane loves you any better? If you did not hold the Greatjon, he would pull out your entrails and make you eat them, as Lady Hornwood ate her fingers. Flints, Cerwyns, Tallharts, Slates … they all had men with the Young Wolf….Even Dustins out of Barrowton. The north remembers, Frey” (ADWD, A Ghost in Winterfell).

Thus, the mantle of liberator is thrust upon these foreign generals in a boon for their campaigns.

Out-Ambushing the Ambushers

Now, people today mostly know Hannibal for crossing the Alps. It was a particularly bold plan aside from taking the war to Rome’s home turf, knowing the environmental conditions—the steep slopes and the brutal mountain snow. But there was also a faction of the Celtic hill tribe known as the Allobroges that was set to ambush the approaching Carthaginian army as they entered the Alps.
Hannibal realized this and used scouts to discover the positions of the Allobroges. Upon nightfall, Hannibal set up camp with open fires blazing below their positions. He then…

“led the best of his warriors up a rugged trail deep into the canyon above the positions held by the enemy troops” and “slit the throats of the Allbobroges’ guards left on watch. When morning came, the Celts returning from their homes found the Carthaginian in possession of the heights above the canyon. Hannibal had out-ambushed the ambushers” (61).

When I think of “out-ambushing the ambushers” in Stannis’s campaign, I think of his liberation of Deepwood Motte. The Greyjoys took the North by surprise in their assault and, though it took one month for Deepwood Motte to fall, their ambush was successful in establishing a foothold in the North and cutting off Stark reinforcements.
Just as the crossing of the Alps put Hannibal in a position to directly challenge Rome, Jon Snow says:

“The going will be slower through the mountains, admittedly, but up there your host can move unseen, to emerge almost at the gates of Deepwood” (ADWD, Jon IV).

What took Asha a month to do, Stannis does in a single night as he successfully returns Deepwood Motte to House Glover before marching on Winterfell. As part of the attack, the mountain clansmen sent by Stannis camouflage themselves with leaves. The camouflage makes it harder for the Greyjoys to spot their enemy and to deduce exactly how many of them there are.
When Asha’s men abandon Deepwood Motte, the mountain clansmen pursue and take advantage of their familiarity with the terrain, the darkness of the night, and their camouflage to secure an absolute victory by killing or capturing every single one of the Ironborn.

“We are fighting shrubbery, Asha thought as she slew a man who had more leaves on him than most of the surrounding trees” (ADWD, The Wayward Bride)

Stannis: “Greyjoy’s longships are burned or taken, her crews slain or surrendered. The captains, knights, notable warriors, and others of high birth we shall ransom or make other use of, the rest I mean to hang” (ADWD, Jon VII).

The Brutal North

Hannibal’s route through the Alps was notoriously hazardous:

“a single misstep could send men and animals alike tumbling over the cliffs to their deaths on the rocks below….Wood for fires was difficult to find and food supplies were running desperately low….at the worst of times, the sky opened up and fresh snow began to fall, mixing with old snow and frozen mud into a layer of ice that made it even more treacherous for the army” (65).
“Hannibal’s army had been reduced greatly in numbers, but they were still a formidable army made up of some of the most experienced and battle-hardened veterans in the world led by one of the greatest generals in history—and now they were at the doorstep of Rome” (66).

Stannis’s army also suffers greatly in their advance toward Winterfell, with the cold taking out several of their troops (including the king’s own squire Bryen Farring) and prolonging the march.

“Asha thought she had known cold on Pyke, when the wind came howling off the sea, but that was nothing compared to this. This is a cold that drives men mad” (ADWD, The King’s Prize).

And yet Stannis, known for his ability as a commander and backed by hardened Northern warriors and Southron knights, was now at the doorsteps of Winterfell.

Absolute Victory or Absolute Destruction

Upon crossing over the Alps, Hannibal gathered his soldiers and told them:

“Victory or death were their only options. Retreat over the Alps back to Spain was impossible, while surrender to Rome would mean slavery or death” (70).

The situation was the same for Stannis’s men. There would be no way for them to return to the Wall with the brutal winter now fully in effect, nor could they surrender to the notoriously ruthless Boltons. As Stannis himself says:

“We all know what my brother would do. Robert would gallop up to the gates of Winterfell alone, break them with his warhammer, and ride through the rubble to slay Roose Bolton with his left hand and the Bastard with his right. I am not Robert. But we will march, and we will free Winterfell … or die in the attempt” (ADWD, The King’s Prize).

Regardless of the advantages that Stannis and Hannibal both possessed, they were “always one battle away from annihilation” (72). With both fighting with smaller forces in enemy territory, no way of retreat, and no possible reinforcements, there could be no room for error. Masterful battle strategy and tactics were required to win.

First Victories

Hannibal’s first major victory upon crossing the Alps was secured at the Ticinus River, against Publius Cornelius Scipio. As a result of his victory, more join the Carthaginian coalition:

“Celtic tribes [in northern Italy] sent not only envoys to proclaim their loyalty to the Carthaginian general but supplies and contingents of experienced troops to strengthen his army” (74-75).

Similarly, after Stannis liberated Deepwood Motte from Asha Greyjoy’s Ironborn, he gains a much-needed boost in this great uphill climb. Houses Glover and Mormont, among the most prominent in the North, declare for Stannis while survivors from Ramsay’s betrayal at Winterfell join him to avenge their liege lords. House Glover also provides trackers and hunters from wolfswood clans like the Forresters, enabling Stannis’s enlarged coalition to cover 46 miles in two days in their march on the Boltons (about 13% of the distance to Winterfell).

The Psychological Advantage

Throughout his campaign in Italy, Hannibal employed psychological warfare. One of his most bold tactics was to march right before the base of his enemy to challenge them to leave the safety of their walls and face them in the field of battle. He first does this at the Roman colony of Placentia, where Scipio had retreated to recover after his losses at Ticinus, but continues to do this throughout.
Stannis marching directly on Winterfell is another example of bold psychological tactics. It’s indisputable that Stannis, in as urgent and desperate of a situation as he’s in, needs Winterfell if he intends to claim the North for himself. However, that direct challenge is the exact kind of action that entices the likes of Ramsay Bolton and Hosteen Frey into a direct confrontation.
Even Mors Umber, who declares for Stannis and sets out on his own for Winterfell, knows this. Crowfood pulls a Hannibal by parking right outside Winterfell’s walls with a significantly smaller force and blowing horns to pester the Boltons.
Speaking of psychological warfare, another weakness that Hannibal repeatedly exploits is the arrogance of the Roman aristocracy. For instance, after Hannibal defeats Scipio, he faces another of ancient Rome’s scions:

“Tiberius Sempronius Longus was a politician born into the Roman elite and a member of a noble family that saw high office and military glory as a birthright. He was also impulsive, impatient, and running out of time….Sempronius had only a few weeks to defeat Hannibal before his term [as consul of Rome] expired and he was replaced by another man” (79).

Sempronius took command of the remnants of Scipio’s forces and was manipulated by Hannibal into a confrontation with some of his troops, largely Celtic allies. After Sempronius won what “was little more than a skirmish,” he got a major boost in confidence and was assured that he would destroy Hannibal in a major clash. Of course, this is exactly what Hannibal wanted (80-81).
Though winter had set in, Hannibal sent his light cavalry across the Trebia River where Sempronius and Scipio were camped at nighttime. The cavalry taunted the Romans, hurling insults and arrows.
Sempronius gave into the bait and ordered his army to cross the freezing Trebia in the dark. Hannibal’s infantry met the Romans on the other side of the river. As though the conditions weren’t bad enough for the Romans, a group of warriors led by Hannibal’s brother Mago ambushed them from their “hiding place in the tall reeds south of the battlefield” (82-85). Around 20,000 Romans were killed that night.
Back to Stannis, we see a very similar situation. Like Hannibal, his army is wintered in very close to the enemy (about 3 days from Winterfell). Like Sempronius, Ramsay Bolton and Hosteen Frey both possess notable character flaws that Stannis can exploit.
Ramsay has no fear, which his own father says is a weakness. He may be a survivalist, employing smart tactics to trick Theon Greyjoy and Rodrik Cassel, but he lacks the savvy to last in the game of thrones for the long-term. Meanwhile, Hosteen Frey may be considered a capable and fierce soldier, but his anger is uncontrollable once triggered. Anger both of them and they’ll happily walk into your trap.
As Stannis himself says:

“Angry foes do not concern me. Anger makes men stupid, and Hosteen Frey was stupid to begin with, if half of what I have heard of him is true. Let him come” (TWOW, Theon I)

We also know, from the fragment of the Asha chapter captured during Last Week Tonight, that Hosteen’s forces kill Crowsfood (and likely the 400 boys he takes with him in ADWD).
If the arrogance of Sempronius is strengthened after a victory against a small group of Hannibal’s Celtic soldiers, then I imagine the same happening as Hosteen crushes the Umber vanguard. Taking out the old and strong Crowfood will fuel Hosteen’s that he can take on Stannis and his ~5,000 men.
Now, we don’t know for sure how the Battle of Ice will go, as TWOW has yet to be released. However, I do subscribe to the night lamp theory. Both the Battle of Ice and the Battle of the Trebia River see the underdogs tricking quick-tempered commanders in the worst of winter. The night lamp theory gives the final piece of the puzzle, with Stannis luring the Freys onto the lake to die just as Hannibal lured the Romans into an ambush by Mago.
For more food for thought, this is how Dr. Freeman concludes the Battle of the Trebia River:

“Those not cut down on the lines tried to flee, but were trampled by elephants or **drowned in the freezing water of the Trebia. For the Romans, it was a disaster beyond anything they could have imagined. For Hannibal, it was just the victory he needed.”

The only major difference I see here is that Stannis, as cool as that would be, does not have elephants.

Loyalty

The war for Hannibal continues long after the Trebia. I wanted to conclude with another dangerous march led by Hannibal, for his crossing of the Alps was not the only gamble he made in his campaign against Rome.
First, Hannibal crossed the Apennine Mountains after spring arrived. Then, he and his army crossed the “deep and almost impenetrable marches” of the Arno River valley, where “no ordinary commander would lead his army” (90-93).
In doing so, Hannibal managed to arrive…

“deep in undefended Roman territories far from where the legions had expected him to be, giving him considerable leverage in positioning himself for the battles that lay ahead” (93).

This is yet another deadly march that Hannibal undertook that the march on Winterfell echos. But I mention this moment in Hannibal’s campaign to emphasize how he controlled his troops:

“Hannibal placed his experienced African and Spanish troops in the front of the marching line, knowing they would follow him anywhere….The more questionable Celtic allies he positioned in the center of the march with his deadly Numidian cavalry being up the rear under the command of his brother Mago. If the Celts decided they wanted to run away, they would have a difficult time sandwiched as they were between his loyal forces” (91).

Now, we could debate the universality and strength of the Southron knight’s loyalty to Stannis. On one hand, many of these men now openly and zealously worship the same god he and his two queens follow. These men have repeatedly followed him into hell, at the burning Blackwater and now in the frozen North. I also established earlier that the Southron knights have little to gain from abandoning Stannis.
On the other hand, many of these men likely did not support Stannis at the beginning of the War of the Five Kings. The Florents and many of the Stormlords, meaning people like Robin Peasebury and Harwood Fell, supported Renly first. It’s certainly plausible that the Fells, Peaseburys, and others did not get the opportunity to turncloak at the Blackwater and bend the knee to Joffrey.
We see both Lords Peasebury and Fell questioning Stannis. Robin Peasebury calls the march to Winterfell “madness” and refers to Arya Stark as just “some girl” (ADWD, The King’s Prize). Meanwhile, Harwood Fell unfavorably compares Stannis to his brother Robert, saying the eldest Baratheon brother would’ve taken Winterfell already. Then we have Justin Massey, a high-ranking knight in service to Stannis who still ends up droning on about “defeat every step of the way” to Winterfell (ADWD, The Sacrifice). The words of Peasebury, Fell, and Massey only serve to harm troop morale. That Stannis’s army is made up of disparate identities and interests means that declining morale only furthers to tear apart his coalition.
Regardless, Fell and Peasebury and Massey march on with Stannis. Before that, they stayed with him at Dragonstone after the Blackwater, sailed north with him, and fought wildlings and Ironborn with him. Why? Well, aside from the fact that they have little to nothing to gain from siding with the Lannisters or Boltons, they have no choice. Just as Hannibal’s Celts could not abandon him while crossing the Apennines and the Arno River valley, the Southron knights could not abandon Stannis. Any attempt of desertion would mean dying alone in the cold or burning like Alester Florent or the Peasebury men-at-arms.

Suffering for the Cause

During the march through the Arno River valley, Hannibal permanently loses his sight in one eye. This does not demoralize the Carthaginian general. Instead, he fashions himself after famous one-eyed military leaders of the past and presses on in his opposition to Rome for many hard years to comes.
Meanwhile, this is what Asha says of Stannis:

“His eyes were sunk in deep pits, his close-cropped beard no more than a shadow across his hollow cheeks and bony jawbone. Yet there was power in his stare, an iron ferocity that told Asha this man would never, ever turn back from his course” (ADWD, The King’s Prize).

Conclusion

Hannibal spent 14 years in Italy (218-204 BC). Ultimately, he did not conquer Rome, but he devastated the city’s legions in battle after battle. Just as Hannibal employed masterful tactics at the head of a motley coalition in the dangerous conditions of a foreign land against the behemoth of Rome, Stannis has led the likes of Florents and Stormlords and Blackwater men and mountain clans and wolfswood hunters to face off against the Freys and Boltons at the battle of ice. Both men gambled and were always one mistake away from crushing defeat and death, but Stannis does not have 14 years like Hannibal did. For Hannibal, his loss ultimately led to the absolute destruction of his home of Carthage by Rome. For Stannis, his loss would ultimately lead to the absolute destruction of all of Westeros by the Others.

Hello everyone! I know this community loves drama just as much as I do so I thought why not share this story. We have a bit of everything in here: Insane brother, entitled partens and groomzilla. I could probably fill a book with all the stuff but I'll try to cook it down to the highlights.
My (32f) brother (36m), let's call him "Mark", and I got along great as children but the more we grew up I became more of an inconvienience to him. This showed through him constantly yelling at me, outbursts of rage over minor things etc. The older Mark got the more he also started to show very inacceptable opinions towards people from other countries or people that were queer. Growing older he turned more towards the conservative, right wing crap while I am the complete opposite of that. We are in no contact now but this was a very slow process and we even had a fairly good relationship in between, with me thinking that being exposed to the right kind of friends could help him better himself. Well, I was wrong.
Our rocky relationship completely started going downhill when Mark had a girlfriend, we call her "Nora" for now. He introduced her to my friend group and me and she was absorbed pretty quickly. Fast forward a few months and (surprise!) they broke up. And Mark expected 100% loyalty from me. I was not into this crap at all, we're all adults after all and Nora broke up with Mark simply because she did't have the right feelings for him. But Mark was absolutely enraged by Nora's audacity to leave him that he told me he would "beat the shit out of her" when she came to pick up her stuff from his flat and that she "should have killed herself". I was shocked. I have never heard his full aggressive potential until now. Needless to say I did not let Nora go there. I picked up all the stuff for her and he saw this as the worst kind of betrayal. Nora is one of my best friends until this day.
Despite this sounding absolutely insane now that I type it out this was not the day I cut contact. This day came a while later when I invited my dad to a cocktail bar for his birthday. I invited some friends of mine since my dad doesn't have any of his own (I asked him first, of course) and Nora was among them. Mind you, my dad was absolutely fine with Nora. Of course my mom also came and guess who she dragged along despite me not even inviting him? Correct - my brother. It was a shitshow. Mark drank like... 1 cocktail? And then he suddenly stormed out. When he returned heliterally screamed at me in the middle of a fancy as heck cocktail bar that I "must come outside with him now and look at what I've done". I didn't have it and told him not to speak with me like that and then my mom went out with him. Until this day I have no clue about the details besides his current gf threatening him to end herself if he wouldn't come back home. Needless to say, my father's birthday was ruined. He went home with my mom, both crying and I decided that's it - no contact from now on.
My parents did not take this descicion lightly at all. There was guilttripping, stuff like "You make us feel bad with your behaviour", demands to be the bigger person, apologize etc. They practically projected all the pisspoor behaviour of Mark onto me, enabling him to go on just as he pleased while I was expected to pretend nothing happened. It is enough to write a story on it's own. It's safe to say that I got a hardcore lesson in setting boundaries during that time.
The highling of it all sure came with Mark's wedding. He wanted to marry that charming girl which so lovingly blackmailed him in the worst way possible on my dad's birthday. And naturally I was not invited. Wich was absolutely ok! I would not go there anway. However, our conflict was never shared with my extended family (I don't really have much to do with them) and at the day of the wedding Mark told everyone I could not come because I have exams. Which would be fine by me, he can lie all he wants to people I don't care about to not make his wedding about our conflict but the worst was that he told my mother that I had declined his invitation. The invitation I have never ever recieved. I didn't even know a time, date or location how the heck was I supposed to be there, not even mentioning showing up uninvited? She was mad at me for "decilining" the non existing invitation and I don't think she fully believes me until this day that I never got one.
Well that post turned out longer than I wanted it to but it feels good to share it with you guys, maybe we can laugh about the insanity of my brother together!
I want to add that throughout the years I've tried several times to talk it out but to no avail. It always ended in him endlessly throwing pointless accusations at me without the possibility to actually work on the issue. I tell him that I can't deal with his behaviour anymore, he argues against it with "but you did not paint my Warframe miniature for me!". Yeah, this kind of adult conversation.

Our first foreign language spring is ending. Next week we'll look at Catholic Francoist Spain with Nada by Carmen Laforet. If there's time before summer, I'd like to end with Melchor's Temporada de huracanes.
Today we have a selection of newspaper columns from the back page of El País turned into a book in 2019 titled Teoría de la gravedad. Though the selected columns were from the early-to mid 10s, her column is still running. Recently, Guerriero recounts her time alone in a cave, quotes JG Ballard and Burnout Society on boredom, explores the poets Vilariño and Lorca, and criticizes Javier Milei.
Guerriero grew up in the pampas, a vast grass plain in South Argentina. This is also the place where the protagonist in our reading of Borges El Sur returns looking for a final fight. Many chapters have a simple theme: parents, tiredness, faith, cleaning. The one or two page chapters are often self-contained. Though there is an episodic 18-part series called Introducción that deals with a faltering relationship. In one chapter, she remembers wanting to be a cowboy like John Wayne. Relevant to our Human Personality reading, she quotes Fabián Casas:
En los primeros años de tu vida cargás combustible. Después no cargás muchas veces más. Depende de la calidad de ese combustible que cargaste si te va a durar durante toda la vida. Vos sos una determinada persona cuando las papas quman. La próxima estación de servicio está muy lejos Cuando nacés tenés esencia. Después, empieza a aparecer la personalidad. La personalidad trabaja en contra de la esencia. En neustra cultura capitalista, de demanda constante, rinde la personalidad. La personalidad como algo totalment ficticio, de construcción, es una máscara. La esencia es lo que te sostiene.
Often the entries end with a poem. In this long youtube interview in Spanish, link timestamped, Guerriero lists the poets and writers that were important to her parents. Poets mentioned in Toería de la gravedad include Louise Glück, Arnaldo Calveyra, and Gonzalo Milián. Writers Joan Didion, Clarice Lispector, Fabián Casas are also cited along with various pop and rock lyrics both American and Argentine.
If you've read any of Guerriero's work, I'm curious to hear what you think.

Hello,
In Spain, what are common nicknames for Rafael? Ive heard raf and Rafa. Are there anymore?
I ask because my husband is half Spanish, his dad fully Spanish but has lived in the US most of his life. My husband and I are pregnant with our first and want to name him Rafael.
Well my father in law keeps calling him “rafie” but pronounces the “a” like the English word “laugh”. I’m also fluent in Spanish and know y’all pronounce the A like “ah.” My partner and I do not like this nickname at all and find it odd how he is pronouncing it. We think it’s because he doesn’t like the name haha we are going to tell him not to call him that but still curious, what are common nicknames for Rafael in Spain?
Thank you!

I (20F) am very aware I am not my father's favorite even if he never has said it out loud.
My dad has spent thousands of dollars on the sport my brother is in. My brother is amazing at this sport and is going to school for it to hopefully play professionally. My whole life this has been the center of my dad's life and all he can talk about. Every weekend about he was away with my brother for this sport. Even now his school is about $25000 a year but my dad still sends him.
I just remembered as a teen asking for $60 to go to a poetry class, it's my favorite, and he said no. I'd ask him to go out and get ice cream and he'd respond with, "It's to expensive. We have some at home". It's not that we don't have money. My dad makes 6 figures. It's just that he wouldn't even spend $10 to get ice cream with me and spent time with me. He wouldn't give me $60 when my brother gets thousands a month for his sport.
Last year I blew up on my dad. I told him everything I felt from his neglect to protect me from my stepmoms abuse to his favoritism. I don't think he understands, but what took me over the edge was when he forgot to post about me on Facebook for my birthday. For my brother though he posted every little achievement of his.
I guess today is just the reminder because it's my brother's birthday. He posted something so long and heartfelt. I just hope he'll remember me on my birthday. He got me concert tickets this year which I beyond appreciate, but I see them as more of an apology present from him. I remember recently we all spoke about what we'd do if we where millionaires and he said he'd go wherever my brother would go and hideaway. I asked him, "What about me". He said something along the lines of dismissal.
Don't get me wrong. I absolutely love and adore my brother and none of this is his fault. Today I want to be happy for him but instead I feel sadness as I'm reminded of how much I don't feel like my own father cares about me. I wish he would celebrate me and be proud of me like him even if I'm not some special sports person. I wish he loved me like my brother.

Forward: I am asking this because my mum is telling me this is wrong and l love her dearly. When I was in high school, I was very sick and shy and I was bullied by one of the teacher's sons. (M) He was very cruel to me and took great delight in tormenting me.
Fast forward to early 2023, (M's) brother (A) had a drug addiction and it killed him a few days after his birthday. He already had a heart condition and he took a bad batch of drugs and it caused him to convulse on the floor in pain and his mother (R) was the one who found him and the loss of their family member broke them. I learned about this on Facebook before and more after this incident
Present day. I am currently learning how to drive, I could not in the past because of my sickness. I was booking lessons with a driving school and I had to select a driving instructor. I selected R and made sure to book the last available lesson on the day. When she came to my house for the lesson, I donned a face mask and sunglasses. Throughout the lesson I acted normally and when she returned me home. I asked about her sons, I first asked about M then I asked about A. I got her to tell me about A's death and I acted and shocked and asked what had happened and she told me about how he died and how his death affected their family all the while I was trying so hard not to laugh, as the reason I wore the mask and glasses was to hide the smile on my face and the glint in my eyes as she recounted what had happened, about how she quit her job as a teacher and went on long service leave and then became a driving instructor as she couldn't bear face her colleagues after what had happened. She then talked about how her third child went bananas after A's death and went AWOL. I asked where I could "pay my respects" for her late son. She told me where he is buried and sent me a link to a recording of his funeral service. I paid and thanked her for the lesson and "apologised" for bringing this up.
I went inside and warmed up dinner and watched the service with a huge grin on my face as I watched M cry as he talked about his pain in losing his brother and describe how his father reacted (he screamed like a wounded animal) when he heard A had to be taken to the hospital and then I saw his father’s part and I took delight in seeing him cry and shake as he talked about his love for his son and how their family would have to carry that pain for the rest of their lives.
After dinner I went outside my room to talk to my mum, she asked how driving was and told her about the lesson. I prefaced this by saying to her: Mum, God has answered our prayers. Remember what you used to tell me about letting God handle your problems. God always says vengeance shall me mine! So I told her about what had happened and she looked horrified. She told me John! I have also told you, never let your heart be glad when your enemy falls. She then went on this is not the work of God! I truly understand how cruel M was to you when you were in HS, but that does not mean you take pleasure in someone’s pain. John, I do not know what to say to you right now . Do not delight in this, when you go to sleep tonight ask Jesus for forgiveness.
I don’t know what to feel now, on one hand I am sad because seeing my mum like that hurt me, on the other, I am glad in their pain.

Forward: I am asking this because my mum is telling me this is wrong and l love her dearly. When I was in high school, I was very sick and shy and I was bullied by one of the teacher's sons. (M) He was very cruel to me and took great delight in tormenting me.
Fast forward to early 2023, (M's) brother (A) had a drug addiction and it killed him a few days after his birthday. He already had a heart condition and he took a bad batch of drugs and it caused him to convulse on the floor in pain and his mother (R) was the one who found him and the loss of their family member broke them. I learned about this on Facebook before and more after this incident
Present day. I am currently learning how to drive, I could not in the past because of my sickness. I was booking lessons with a driving school and I had to select a driving instructor. I selected R and made sure to book the last available lesson on the day. When she came to my house for the lesson, I donned a face mask and sunglasses. Throughout the lesson I acted normally and when she returned me home. I asked about her sons, I first asked about M then I asked about A. I got her to tell me about A's death and I acted and shocked and asked what had happened and she told me about how he died and how his death affected their family all the while I was trying so hard not to laugh, as the reason I wore the mask and glasses was to hide the smile on my face and the glint in my eyes as she recounted what had happened, about how she quit her job as a teacher and went on long service leave and then became a driving instructor as she couldn't bear face her colleagues after what had happened. She then talked about how her third child went bananas after A's death and went AWOL. I asked where I could "pay my respects" for her late son. She told me where he is buried and sent me a link to a recording of his funeral service. I paid and thanked her for the lesson and "apologised" for bringing this up.
I went inside and warmed up dinner and watched the service with a huge grin on my face as I watched M cry as he talked about his pain in losing his brother and describe how his father reacted (he screamed like a wounded animal) when he heard A had to be taken to the hospital and then I saw his father’s part and I took delight in seeing him cry and shake as he talked about his love for his son and how their family would have to carry that pain for the rest of their lives.
After dinner I went outside my room to talk to my mum, she asked how driving was and told her about the lesson. I prefaced this by saying to her: Mum, God has answered our prayers. Remember what you used to tell me about letting God handle your problems. God always says vengeance shall me mine! So I told her about what had happened and she looked horrified. She told me John! I have also told you, never let your heart be glad when your enemy falls. She then went on this is not the work of God! I truly understand how cruel M was to you when you were in HS, but that does not mean you take pleasure in someone’s pain. John, I do not know what to say to you right now . Do not delight in this, when you go to sleep tonight ask Jesus for forgiveness.
I don’t know what to feel now, on one hand I am sad because seeing my mum like that hurt me, on the other, I am glad in their pain.

I (f23) am currently going through something insane. Sorry if this is long but I gotta get it out. In January of 2022, my granny died suddenly, after fighting dementia for 6 years. I was unable to be there when my mum and brother had to turn off life support, and it was initially believed that my grandparents had an argument, which caused my grandpa Paul to lash out with a saucepan and hit her on the head. He then called 999, and she ended up in the hospital in a coma. This story, which I wholeheartedly believed, tore our family apart, as my dad had recently left my mum with no warning, and now she was fighting Paul alone as well. (For context, my dad regularly "warned" my older brother and I that he was leaving our mum, so we didn't believe him when he actually did it a week before her birthday, right as she was cleaning up after a weekend-long party). We had a funeral for my granny, and my mum turned up alone, thin as a skeleton (she's always been "other-mother-esque" but this was painful to see), pale, and she didn't make eye contact with me when I hugged her. The funeral was, as my mum would put it, the "Paul and auntie Sophie show", with a slideshow of photos that were mostly the two of them with granny, with barely any of my brother and I, and almost none of my granny's other daughters and grandchildren. During this time I was stuck in an unhealthy relationship, and leaned on Sophie (40s), her boyfriend (40s) and my brother (30) for support, leaving my mum alone in the big family house. I still hate myself for doing that to her, but we are now incredibly close and I escaped the relationship I was in thanks to her kindness and support.
Around spring of 2022, rumours were spreading that Paul had actually knocked her out with the pan, and then held a tea towel over her mouth until she was dead. I was completely in denial, and my brother and aunt were as well, so my mum cut us all out of her life. She ended up on suicide watch, but managed to get a job near her family, and moved back to where her biological father was buried, where she healed and found herself for the first time since marrying my dad. We came to an agreement on the terms of the murder, as did my brother. It took me a bit longer to climb out of the hole, but I'd been living with my ex-boyfriend and two friends, one of whom was extremely toxic, and it took my cat dying to wake me up to reality. I moved in with my mum in March of 2023, and just as life began to settle, the police came knocking on the door. More specifically, two detectives, and I was there in my dressing gown, panicking, as they asked if I knew what had happened to my granny. I blurted out something about my mum being at work, and they said they had driven four hours from their department near Paul, and would have to return a week later, and left a number. My mum gave them a ring, and found out over the phone that Sophie had told them we knew everything and didn't want to take any action, which was a lie. The truth, we found out the next week, when they sat my mum down at the kitchen table to talk. I was gaming in the room nearby, with headphones on so I wouldn't hear anything I wasn't supposed to. At some point I heard my mum laughing, and I took my headphones off to hear her make a joke that I can't even remember now, but as I laughed and lifted the headphones back up, I heard the detective say "So anyway, the tea towel was shoved down her throat". I found out that Paul hadn't called the authorities, he'd called the local doctor, who then had to call for an ambulance. The police had arrived to find him completely calm, and he'd left granny on the floor with the tea towel still in her throat. It also turns out Sophie had bailed him out and had been covering for him ever since, getting his help to write a witness statement, and discounting my mum as part of the family.
This was confirmation that my mum had been right all along, and we had wasted so much time letting this man walk free. My brother was told the new information, and the two of them got to work writing statements, gathering witnesses, and taking the next steps. It took a while, but around autumn of 2023 we had a confirmation that there would be a murder trial in January of 2024, starting the exact date she had been murdered. The three of us, along with my brother's girlfriend, went on an amazing holiday over Christmas, where we could forget about the black cloud looming in the distance. When we arrived back, the trial was delayed, but soon enough we were staying together in temporary accommodation near the courthouse. I stayed at home to keep the dogs company, and mostly played sims 4 and harvest moon tbh, and it was a bizarre experience to go from chatting to my boyfriend online and walking in the hills with the dogs, to hearing my brother and mum's version of the day when they got home. At first it seemed like we were going to win, but as the days dragged on, it began to feel bizarrely rigged. My mum's statement, which she'd been working on for months, was suddenly not necessary, and even as more horrifying details were revealed, the judge seemed to believe every conniving word Paul said. The depths of his charm and manipulation were unfolding before us, as the jury began to sway to the concept of an excuse unlike any other.
I'm still glad I never saw the footage, despite a slight morbid curiosity, but the final conclusion is that he had indeed hit her over the head with a saucepan, but this didn't knock her out, so he stuffed a tea towel down her throat to stop her screaming, and then somehow grabbed her pyjama top (she was sleeping downstairs due to immobility) and added that, completely cutting off air supply. The report said there was a physical gurgle as air was released when they removed the material. And despite all this, a single loophole began to turn the tide. Paul claimed that he couldn't remember it happening, as if he "blacked out" and he lost control of his body, and they are using a term that has only been used a few times in history, previous incidents being during sleepwalking. There is no evidence to back this up, and yet it caused the judge to rule no case to answer. We left after almost a month in despair, and the three of us all live 2-5 hours apart now so we don't see each other often. My mum of course continued to fight, and the detective helped to get the case to higher-ups, who (and forgive my lack of courtroom knowledge) assembled a group of judges to consider our judge's actions, and they decided it was bullshit and agreed to rerun the trial. So now, the only thing we can do is sit and wait, until "approximately December" of this year, as we know Paul will never give in and just admit to being guilty. I can't believe all of this has taken almost 3 years, and that Sophie, who I used to see more as a big sister than an aunt, is so determinedly in denial that she can't see what her father did to her mother. I also can't trust my own dad with details, because he'll just report back to Sophie, and I had to cut him off for five months because he was sending inappropriate messages in the middle of the trial.
Paul was such a great grandpa when I was a kid, and to see the impact a single person can have on a whole family, I feel like crying all over again. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to compartmentalise all of this, but I figured writing it here might helping. Thanks for reading.

Hi everyone,
I'm writing this because I'm in a lot of pain and really need to talk. Two nights ago, I (M/26) broke up with my girlfriend (F/25) of 6 years. We've had our ups and downs, but things have been really difficult lately, and it became clear that we weren't on the same page anymore.
A while ago, she went for her industrial attachment. We had had a previous argument before she left, but managed to talk things through. However, when she came back, she seemed changed. She would go to nightclubs with her friends wearing really tight and short dresses. While I respect her choice of clothing, as my girlfriend, it didn't sit right with me. I tried talking to her about it, and her response was, "You don't own me!" She also had a guy friend from home, whom she talked about from time to time. I knew he was done with campus and was job searching, so one morning, I asked her about him and if he got a job. Her response was, "If you know this, will you help him get a job?" This really hurt me.
I remember we were headed to town to do some shopping, and I asked her again if her response was necessary. We were walking on the pavements in town, and she stopped, turned around, and snapped at me, "Ugh! Someone can even die while with you!". I didn't snap and just kept quiet, trying to process her reaction, apologising for getting her angry by my repeated questions.
This got me thinking about a time before her attachment. We had had an argument after she hadn't responded to any of my messages for the entire day. When I asked her why, she told me her roommate's father had passed away, and she was trying to comfort her. I understood and suggested that it would have been better if she had communicated. She got angry and told me, "I didn't even want to be in this relationship in the first place. You talked me into it."
During her attachment, I asked her why she was treating me the way she was. Her response was always, "You did nothing wrong." Whenever I told her that I loved her over the phone, she would respond with, "Thanks." However, some six months later after said attachment, I asked her again, to which she explained that during her attachment, she met a guy from my former high school who told her that I had been suspended from school because I was a homosexual. (For context, I was in an all boys boarding school. It was true I had been suspended, but it was because I had sneaked out of school and got caught. She was fully aware of this, and we had talked about it together.) I felt hurt. I asked her why she hadn't told me about it the moment she met the guy. She told me the guy had asked her not to tell me or reveal his identity, and she wanted to respect his wish.
I kept asking her who this man was because it really bothered me. One time, when I took her out on a date, I felt really uncomfortable and just threw in the question, "What's the name of this guy?" She got angry, raised her voice in the middle of the restaurant, and asked me, "You are asking me this? Right in the middle of [restaurant name X]?" I had to beg her to please sit back and relax, as she was threatening to get up and walk out, which she did eventually, and I had to walk after her amid all the eyes from the other people in the restaurant.
I found her sitting at a place and joined her. I asked if I could sit next to her, which she allowed. I apologised for asking about the guy, and she told me, "You are so full of negative energy. I'm all about positive vibes.", adding that I was patronising her.
I really loved her. As an apology, about a week later, I went into a jewellery store and purchased a 300 USD mother-of-pearl and silver necklace as an apology, which I later gave her.
I've never raised a finger on her, even during the nastiest arguments. When I felt the disrespect had gotten too much, I became stern and would call her out. I tried very hard to stay calm, especially when she would talk back to me. She never liked this and would start playing the victim, saying I was raising my voice, shouting at her, and that it was all giving her PTSD. At one point, after I called her out, she even claimed I was manhandling her.
There was also an issue with her phone at one point in time, not too long ago. It was malfunctioning, and she called to tell me about it. I could have bought her a new phone, but I held back because I noticed she was treating me poorly, and I didn't want to reward that behaviour. Instead, I suggested giving her a phone I had from a few years back. It was a Tecno, still in great condition except for the screen, which I assured her I would get fixed. Her response shocked me: "Why are you giving me a this phone? I have my standards and can't use such a phone! And what's more, it's a hand-me-down? How can you earn what you do and still offer me an old phone?" Despite my shock, I told her I’d get her a new Oppo instead. I looked up good specs online, making sure it had a great camera, since I knew she loved taking nice photos, and told her about it. Later, she called back and, to my surprise, complained that I had offered to buy her a phone that was an old model. She even told me about a phone I hadn't even mentioned, and was convinced that's what I had said I'd buy her. I can't even remember the exact complaint, but her comments were very stinging. I explained that I had reservations about getting her a new device because she couldn’t treat me poorly and expect good in return. Unless she changed, I wouldn’t keep some of the promises I had previously made. Of course, this escalated into an argument. Finally, she said not to bother, that she would get an iPhone or Samsung after she graduated. I told her, "okay".
Another incident occurred when she was in her school's hostels. She called one night, saying there was a power blackout and she couldn’t cook. Knowing there was a common area for students to eat, I suggested she could go there. After a moment of silence, she expressed worry about our relationship, questioning if I really cared about her. She said, "Why are you suggesting I go to that place, and you know it's not safe? It's very late at night (it was around 7 PM)." The is times she has been out till 9 PM all by herself in town, doing some shopping. Shocked, I assured her it was just an innocent suggestion. This too escalated into an argument, which I begged her that I did not want to fight. Later, I asked what she wanted me to say. She responded, "As a man, you are supposed to give me an idea that makes me go, Mmh, why didn't I think about that?'" I cannot explain how confused this got me.
She also brought up an earlier incident with her water kettle. Knowing her main concern would be hot bathing water, I suggested she get a quality coil to heat her water in the meantime, planning to buy her a proper electric kettle later. However, she angrily responded that a coil is "a poor people's tool and causes cancer."
I have always tried taking her out on nice dinner dates to places she wanted to visit, like Italian and Chinese restaurants, at least once a month. It has been quite hard to maintain this year due to work-related issues. I recall one time I took her to a really nice Chinese restaurant to bond with her. She took out her phone and started messaging one of her guy friends. I asked her to kindly put her phone away, but she snapped, "Ugh, I've finished eating, so what do you want me to do?"
Whenever I get free time, I try to make sure we go out. It could be for a movie, some ice-cream at our favourite parlour, or a dinner date. Our anniversary was supposed to be last month. Two weeks before, I asked if I could take her out spontaneously. We had a great time, and I spent about 130 USD (I never spend less than 100 USD on dinner). She asked if we were doing anything for our actual anniversary. Since it fell on a weekday, I told her I couldn't do it then because of work and suggested we push it to the weekend. The weekend came, but I didn't mention anything about the anniversary. This was my mistake; I genuinely forgot due to a very busy week, sometimes working until 6 AM to meet deadlines.
About two nights ago, she brought up the anniversary and asked what the point was if we couldn't do anything on the day itself. She expressed frustration about always going out of her way for me. In the heat of the moment, I pointed out all the sacrifices I made for our relationship and asked when she had ever taken me out, except for my birthday.
Her response was, "I don't, because you told me that's not my job," something I never said. I apologised, explaining my busy work schedule and exhaustion, and admitted I should have communicated better.
We have had issues before where I felt her approach to resolving conflicts was not ideal. She would come at me with accusations and mean words, and I would have to ask her to calm down and express her feelings more maturely. She never saw where she was wrong.
The same thing happened two nights ago, on the night of the aforementioned breakup, when she angrily asked why I greeted her in a nonchalant manner, "Why are you talking to me like I'm one of your bros?" I told her there were better ways to express what she felt and that she had crossed the line too many times. I told her that what she had said hurt my feelings, to which she replied, "Now where have I done wrong? I don't see anything wrong with what I said!"
Last month, I was on a company outing in another country. Despite the busy schedule, I made sure to call her whenever I got the chance. However, our communication wasn't smooth, and I understand her frustration when I didn't answer because I genuinely didn't hear my phone ring. When I got back to my home country, she was upset and wished she had known this side of me earlier. I was very calm, and never raised my point at any point. She took the opportunity to complain that I was being too nonchalant, just because I was calm? Angrily, she added, "I hope Karma is not too busy!"
Back to two nights ago, she told me she regrets wasting her early 20s with me and that the man who finds her will be the luckiest, that she will treat him like the king he is. She added that she wouldn't put up with this (our relationship) anymore and would focus on herself. I told her that we could go our separate ways. I tried telling her that as a man, in most cases, I will be the provider and the protector in the family. I will work his ass off to provide, and certainly, don't want to come home to a rude, disrespectful wife. This angered her, and she said I was accusing her of being a bad person, that she knew she wasn't. She asked me to not say anything else, for she wouldn't listen. I said, 'okay', hang up, and that was it.
Don't get me wrong: she was amazing. She's taken me out on my birthdays, gotten a few gifts here and there, and always made sure I was well fed whenever I visited her. That was on her good days.
Apart from my lack of proper communication, what did I do wrong? Was I being too petty?
Here are some specific questions I have:

1. How do you handle misunderstandings and communication issues in a relationship?
   
2. How do you know when it's time to let go, even if you've invested a lot of time and effort?
   
3. How do you deal with the pain and loss after a long-term relationship ends?
   
4. What advice do you have on how to better communicate and resolve conflicts in future relationships?
   
5. Has anyone of you been in a similar situation, and how did you navigate it?
   

There's a lot more I could have shared, but that will end up making this post ridiculously long.
I'm aware that not everyone may find the motivation to read such a long post, but I felt it was important to share everything I've gone through with her. Thank you for understanding, and for taking the time to read this.

I dispise my MIL, but for reasons different than most of you. She, however, adores me. I took her son, that she never wanted, off of her hands.
We've been together 31 yrs and married for 25. I didn't start hating her until a few months after the wedding when I inadvertently found out that my husband's father (died when husband was 12) had been physically abusive to him. Couple that with the info I had about his mentally, emotionally and physically abusive step father, and I asked the bitch why she stayed with men that hurt her only son. Her response? "They were good providers." As in, it was ok for them to torment him, as long as SHE wasn't getting hit and had a roof over her selfish head.
This is a woman with 2 brothers and 2 sisters and all of them are loving supportive people that would have taken her and husband in at the drop of a hat. She says she didn't want to give up her independence. WTF!
I only tolerated her after that. Was civil but not overly friendly or loving at all. She probably didn't notice because shortly after our wedding she moved to the opposite side of the country. (I'm wicked witch of the west and she's wicked witch of the east now.)
Husbands grandmother lived with MIL and MIL was the only conection for him to maintain contact with GMIL. Sweet old woman and I loved her dearly. I willingly put up with the self centered skank to keep contact with her sweet mom.
Unfortunately we lost grandma last year. MIL said "not wasting money on a funeral, you don't need to come." Again, WTF! My dear husband was crushed. I swear to god he would have been better off being raised by a ferral dog.
There are many other instances where her toxicity is overwhelming. Husband knows how I feel and know it's because of her treatment of him. He knows that I too was abused when I was a kid, but my mother had the fortitude to protect her children. She konked my father over the head with a skillet when he wrapped a belt, buckle end 1st, around my brothers chest. We left permanently before dad got up off the floor.
When GMIL passed I went NC with MIL. I no longer felt the need to deal with her or see her anymore. Offered to inform her myself but DH said he preferred to tell her. I'm ok with him continuing contact. That's what he wants.
She didn't take it well. Crying fits. Multiple text. Constantly trying to call me, and I can't block her on the land line. So it goes to the machine. She planned a trip to come see us. 😂 He told her I'm going to go on a vacation with my cousin that week. She got pissed and cancelled. Threw another fit because I won't be manipulated.
Now I seek opinions. My birthday is in a couple of weeks and DH warned me last night that MIL has sent me something. Probably a gift card because she actually sent it to our home and we live rural so package delivery is sketchy. Whatever it is, I don't want it.
Should I return it to her? Have DH use it for himself? Donate it to charity?(Maybe give them her address so they can thank her properly. Lol) Any other options you can think of? I'm not above petty.

This rant is a long rant, but please, read. I feel like this post will get me a lot of hate but this is the only place where I can talk to people that understand me.
On my first post here, someone commented "it's not "moving heaven and earth for his kid", it's "moving heaven and earth for his ex" she is the one receiving the help, not SD." and I have thought about it ever since.
SO is far from being poor. BM is completely capable of taking care of her child. She lives with her mother (doesn't pay rent) has two cars (one being a 4WD with snorkel aka not cheap). She has a PHD and works for Deloitte. She also kayaking/canoeing, always traveling and competing (just for sporting). On her insta she's always posting her nights out with friends and her fancy drinks. She also got a boob job last month. C'mon she's also far from being poor.
He doesn't pay child support, instead, he says he prefers to pay things she need has basically said that would only regulate it (juridically) if BM was bad to him (BM disrespects him a lot, even told his mom that she would fu** his life but he turns a blind eye).
The thing is: He is always making her life easier. They were never married. He says he was just hanging out with her for that thing (...), one day he got drunk and it happened. To be honest, he always says bad things about her like "she's annoying" "she's boring" "I want to get away from her". But at the same time, he is too good with her. Trust me, I have divorced parents, I know what being good or bad to your ex is.
I'll list my points. - He pays for almost of everything. Except things like the light and water bill, if she goes out with SD she will ask for money and he will send (I've seen messages of her like (this weekend I went to a restaurant and a park with her, send me 200); Anything health related (vaccines, medicine, exams, appointments); school (a expensive private where he also pays ballet and gymnastics so that she can stay more hours at school (because BM says she can't have her own child at home while teleworking (it includes also paying for all her materials, from all the books and notebooks to glue and pencils); Clothes (she will send a link and say "she wants this and that"); the baby sitter she has before starting full time at school; formula (she will be seven in 3 months but she still ask him to buy a big can every 15 days); birthday parties? from the place to the food everything on him; her bedroom on BM's house and even the baby car seat for BM's car, it was he who had bought. Now, one of the most absurd ones, she messages him asking him to buy things like chocolate milk, cookies, nutella, soap, shampoo, instant noodles WEEKLY (be for real) - Anything extra like swimming lessons, therapy, private tutoring, he is also the one who pays - He is ALWAYS the one to drive to alternate days, BM can stay comfortable inside her home; - He does homework with her 95% of the time because BM says it's hard to deal with SD; - He is also the one who attends school appointments and every medical appointment; - SD's bike magically disappeared from BM's apartment and now he will pay for a new one alone even though it was under BM's responsibility
BM wants the custody, when he says to give it to him e MIL she denies, but I can assure you that it's just because in the country where I live it's extremely difficult to see fathers having custody and all her friends and coworkers would look bad at her. They EOWE during school days but EOW during school breaks. (She barely has to deal with SD during the week, she takes SD to school (around 7 minutes from their house) early (SD said that some days she even took her before 7 a.m). SO picks her up at 5.45pm and does homework with her and two times a week he takes her to eat (Sometimes he get her back like 9 pm) BM really doesn't deal with SD a lot.
Important to mention that he said he would only go to court if BM was bad to him 🙄. The law in the country where I live says that child support can only get UP TO 20% of your wage and I don't know why he doesn't regulatize it. 🚨 He also said that if BM ended up giving the custody to him, he wouldn't ask for child support when our country's law says it an undeniable right. (MIL and I believe that when SD's grandma fall sick or die/ when SD become a rebel teenager (SD is a completely spoiled brat, we both have no doubt she will be harder to deal than she already is) BM will give the custody to him.
What do I have to do with it? Well, he says he plans to marry me and have kids. Time and money matters. I know he expects me to work (Like, full time, I'm at uni, so I only work part time), and although I've never asked, I'm sure he will expect me to help with money if we move in together. Also about time, I feel in my gut that if we have a child, I'll be the one responsible for it, both i prioritized since he is always doing everything for BM.
I can mention a lot of situations that made me feel unprioritized time-wise. This weekend we left in cold, raining, to buy and deliver formula to BM house. money-wise, he cancelled our trip saying it was too expensive for now, when I had already declined other trips with others, and told my family and friends about the trip and he convinced me to get the subway-bus route (university-house) instead of the bus one (more dangerous but more expensive) saying he was going to pay the difference in value but only did once in March and never again. When he talks about our wedding, he always says "we should do something simple" "you aren't expecting something big, right?" when I saw the expensive venue he rented for his daughter's birthday and went with him to buy all the extra needed. He also kept sd's car seat for if we have a child, why is she entitled to new, expensive items and our imaginary child second hand items?
I just feel like (my friends and MIL too) he could, yes, demand things from BM just like she does and divide better their kid's obligations (homework, driving, appointments) and money (regulating it in court❗️, establishing at least a 30-70% paying for her needs, alternating buying things). This kid will grow up and honestly, I don't think he should be the one paying for sanitary pads and every other need.
Once when I spoke to him about the driving issue, he said that he also always pick me up (we see each other on weekends) ('always' is a lie because sometimes he asked for ubers and a couple of times I used public transportation). I answered "yes, I only have one boyfriend, she has two parents!"
If you read until here. THANK YOU. I poured out my heart here. Spilled everything that's been bothering me for months. I just want to know what would you feel. I don't think I'm overreacting but getting opinions from people in similar situations is always welcomed. Please be kind. I just want to know if I should leave. He's great to me but a future where he prioritizes other women's kid over my family would really make me unhappy.

So i’ve seen some reddit posts circulating and i really want to try after seeing all the comments.
For context, 1, 19F recently broke up with my boyfriend 20M. We both go to the same college and are from the same states. There were some things in the relationship that i was very confused about, since that was my first relationship. I would just like to list some things that he did, so i can know if they are to be expected in a relationship, the bare minimum, or anything else. (Our relationship was about 6/7months)

1. We never went to eat at a pricy restaurant. By this, i do not mean fine dining, but restaurants with menu prices more than $20. About 75% of bills are split, 20% were paid by me, and 5% was paid by him.
   
2. We never got many gifts for each other. By this i mean during anniversaries or special occasions or just a little something. At the beginning of our relationship, i would get him small things, trinkets, keychain, drinks when he's stressed. I understand that he might not like gift giving, (slight exception when he got me an expensive gift) but if he did get me something it made me feel bad. (always mentioning prices, how expensive/inexpensive things were)
   
3. Birthdays, I got him a gift of things he loved valued well over $100, and when it was my birthday, his gift was $5 including the card. (his gift were things he had from years prior that was unopened and although yes was expensive, he got it for free)
   
4. If i did anything that made him upset (did not pick up phone call) he would say something along the lines of "oh you don't want to call, it's okay" after i tell him the reason i did not pick up (e.g when i am in class, or did not hear the ring)
   
5. He loves taking photos of me and has many cute candids.
   

6.1 am not DTF, but continuously tried to change it. Doing things that started as unconsensual until i accepted. (not sex tho)

1. Texting was mostly dry, unless he talked about a topic he liked, then it was one-sided.
   
2. At the middle of the relationship, he tended to promise to call in a little bit, making me wait for hours, and as I told him I would be sleeping, miraculously appearing.
   
3. Always late. Average 30mins-1hr. Once I waited about 3hrs.
   
4. After the breakup, told me that I get jealous (sure) but the occasions he bought up was 1.Telling a stranger (now a friend of ours) something personal and refusing to tell me. 2. Dragged another girl to a private secluded area and later proceeded to give her pats.
   
5. Does not remember my favourite colour despite telling him like once every 2-3 months.
   
6. Talks about other girls attractiveness, actually rated me out of 10.
   
7. Tries to make me eat healthier, gives me vegetables, makes me drink water. (normally gives me vegetables he does not like though)
   
8. Very stubborn about specific topics; thinking people who are overweight do not respect themselves, does not like when the Igbt+ community express it too much, believes his kids will 100% be prodigies and angels)
   
9. Wants a private relationship but always PDA, and continues to even after I tell him to stop
   
10. Wrote a very cute poem for me, and spent lots of time on it.
    

This is a throwaway account, but i will be happy to answer any questions or anything. Please give me your thoughts and opinions as i really need a third-party view on this. Thank you!!
We are still in contact, but i hope he doesn't find this post

I'm a little scared to talk about this publicly, but it's getting too complicated and I can't really talk about this with anyone. Also please forgive and correct any mistakes, english is not my first language, thanks ~ Before my parents met each other in 1996, my father had two grown daughters. To cut the "origin story" short, they were awful to me and my mother, but they were very obvious with her. With me, it grew over time - I would feel very confused as a child whenever they visited after my parents' divorce, I admired them but they treated me bizarrely to say the least. On my 16th birthday, just a few days apart, my grandma on my fathers side passed away. They took that as an excuse to never speak to me again, and I vaguely remember what their excuse was - I think it had something to do with me coming back from school (that school's story is also quite infuriating for me but maybe another day), and not being on time, or something like that. So they never spoke to me or visited me, never cared if I had a glass of water to drink for the last ten years. Until our father passed last year, February 8. It boils my blood to remember what the younger one told me, right in the very room our father was laying dead, and his family and close friends were grieving HIM. Now, year and a half later, I'm being told by a cousin of my father that they are selling the house I grew up in, the house my father and my mother bought together as a family when I was four years old, and of course they're not telling me. But I already knew something was up, because they are still rushing me to put his car in the oldest sister's name. And I'm sure it's so they can also sell it and keep me at arms length, as they have been always doing, and I don't even know why. But I'm just tired, I don't care about my father's money or estate, I just want to live MY life, for once, without having people like these two policing and choking me. A lot of stuff has happened throughout all these years, and I know a lot more than they think. But i don't even want to act on it, I just want to find my chosen family, my friends, and leave this behind once and for all. Forever. And I feel so, so selfish, but I'm tired. If you're still reading, thank you. 💗
TLDR; My sisters (although they would rather I call them "half-sisters") have been gaslighting me since I was a child and now want to act like mafia with our dead father's estate, and I feel too tired and selfish to even respond to them.

So i’ve seen some reddit posts circulating and i really want to try after seeing all the comments.
For context, 1, 19F recently broke up with my boyfriend 20M. We both go to the same college and are from the same states. There were some things in the relationship that i was very confused about, since that was my first relationship. I would just like to list some things that he did, so i can know if they are to be expected in a relationship, the bare minimum, or anything else. (Our relationship was about 6/7months)

1. We never went to eat at a pricy restaurant. By this, i do not mean fine dining, but restaurants with menu prices more than $20. About 75% of bills are split, 20% were paid by me, and 5% was paid by him.
   
2. We never got many gifts for each other. By this i mean during anniversaries or special occasions or just a little something. At the beginning of our relationship, i would get him small things, trinkets, keychain, drinks when he's stressed. I understand that he might not like gift giving, (slight exception when he got me an expensive gift) but if he did get me something it made me feel bad. (always mentioning prices, how expensive/inexpensive things were)
   
3. Birthdays, I got him a gift of things he loved valued well over $100, and when it was my birthday, his gift was $5 including the card. (his gift were things he had from years prior that was unopened and although yes was expensive, he got it for free)
   
4. If i did anything that made him upset (did not pick up phone call) he would say something along the lines of "oh you don't want to call, it's okay" after i tell him the reason i did not pick up (e.g when i am in class, or did not hear the ring)
   
5. He loves taking photos of me and has many cute candids.
   

6.1 am not DTF, but continuously tried to change it. Doing things that started as unconsensual until i accepted. (not sex tho)

1. Texting was mostly dry, unless he talked about a topic he liked, then it was one-sided.
   
2. At the middle of the relationship, he tended to promise to call in a little bit, making me wait for hours, and as I told him I would be sleeping, miraculously appearing.
   
3. Always late. Average 30mins-1hr. Once I waited about 3hrs.
   
4. After the breakup, told me that I get jealous (sure) but the occasions he bought up was 1.Telling a stranger (now a friend of ours) something personal and refusing to tell me. 2. Dragged another girl to a private secluded area and later proceeded to give her pats.
   
5. Does not remember my favourite colour despite telling him like once every 2-3 months.
   
6. Talks about other girls attractiveness, actually rated me out of 10.
   
7. Tries to make me eat healthier, gives me vegetables, makes me drink water. (normally gives me vegetables he does not like though)
   
8. Very stubborn about specific topics; thinking people who are overweight do not respect themselves, does not like when the Igbt+ community express it too much, believes his kids will 100% be prodigies and angels)
   
9. Wants a private relationship but always PDA, and continues to even after I tell him to stop
   
10. Wrote a very cute poem for me, and spent lots of time on it.
    

This is a throwaway account, but i will be happy to answer any questions or anything. Please give me your thoughts and opinions as i really need a third-party view on this. Thank you!!
We are still in contact, but i hope he doesn't find this post

Expecting presents or party on your birthday or for Christmas was a great way to set yourself up for disappointment growing up in my house. My parents didn’t pay for my college education(I’m 24 btw, F), and that’s something that really spites me to this day because it sent because it set me behind my peers and almost ruined my life. My parents are in no way economically struggling. They travel overseas multiple times a year, and my dad is building a house in another country. In order to pay for the things that they desire, me and my younger brothers have suffered. I am working on moving out of the house and gaining some sort of independence, but when I see reminders of their choices of individualism, feelings of spite still grow within me. (Individualism is cool, but you have to modify it somewhat once you have kids. My parents did not. They just acted like they despised me for being in the way. I am the firstborn.)
I feel the same feelings when my parents come around dropping hints about mothers and fathers day. my dad keeps dropping hints in the family group chat about what he wants for Father’s Day and I’m just like???? How can you expect something from us that we would never be able to expect from you???? I kind of refuse to feel guilty about this like idk what they want from us. My parents are shitty at social cues, are stubborn and rude, yet expect love and grace and patience that I’ve never seen them distribute freely and willingly. Idk. My parents kind of suck. They’ll help out if I ever got arrested or totaled my car, God forbid, but that’s really it. Zero emotional intelligence or friendliness like my mother is a bully and my dad just lets it happen because he is a bully too, just in different ways and is also too weak-willed to stop my mother. Idk their personalities just ultimately suck, I feel like I am a victim of their shitty personalities and I wish they’d stop interacting with me/talking to me period, let alone requesting recognition on mothefather’s day I’m sorry

EDIT: TYPO in titel. I'm 34 not 43.
I am at my WITS' end! aND I feel like I'm losing my sanity.
Let me start with a brief introduction to (hopefully) give more insight.
My boyfriend and I have been together for over 17 years and have been blessed with a beautiful boy (M4).
I am an only child with a loving mother and an alcoholic father (a major narcissist). I have little to no contact with my father other than a few photos of my son now and then. They divorced when I turned 16. He is sober now, by the way, and has been for over 10 years. Anyway, his alcohol problem caused a significant amount of trauma. I'm aware of that. To give one example out of many, he drained all my savings accounts and, to top that, when I turned 18, I started with a decent amount of debt because he never paid for my private school (I didn't know). I'm absolutely grateful for the education I got, but if I had known I had to pay for it out of pocket with money I didn't have, I would have made a different choice.
My family was all about appearances. Unhappy. Fighting. Tears. My father's alcohol abuse. But outside the walls of our home? We had to smile. I understand that isn't the healthiest way to grow up, but alright. My mother is a flight attendant, and thank goodness for that because she had somewhat of her own life. And we went on fun trips just the two of us. My upbringing wasnt all bad because I have a amazing mother.
At the age of 17, I met my boyfriend, who I'm still with. Looking back, I know now that he has been a kind of anchor for me. An escape. Always fun. Parties. Going out on the boat. Lots of friends, etc. We had so much fun back then. No responsibilities, you name it. Until we became serious. Just a small detail, he had another girlfriend around my 18th birthday, which lasted a couple of months before I found out. That broke me at the time, and I didn't want anything to do with him. Until he came crawling back. It took him about three months before I was all in again.
Now, let's begin. My partner has been an off-and-on asshole. He has been throughout my twenties. I kept apologizing for my own feelings, telling him how I felt or what I thought of a particular situation. And mind you, I am a very chill person. You want to go out? Fine, have fun! Want to go out with the boys three times a week? Good times! Holiday with the boys to Ibiza? Go ahead. You never catch me whining. I have a life myself, work, etc.
Here's where it stings. I've been lied to, and I've accepted that. It's my own fault for not speaking up, and I acknowledge that. But how on earth am I supposed to draw my own boundaries when I'm not listened to? Either I was going crazy, whining, or I took something the wrong way. In the end, I would end up apologizing while just expressing my feelings without judging or anything. At one point, I was literally begging for understanding.
Fast forward, we became parents, and things took a turn. He really tried, in his own way. By constantly saying, when I wanted to talk about something, that he's doing his best. His best is throwing a champagne shower (10 people) while I gave birth 8 hours prior. I was stunned, absolutely stunned, but he meant well, so I sat down with my 8-hour-old baby and a champagne flute in the other hand. I tried to tell him that it wasn't the best idea given the situation, but he got disappointed in me, which breaks my heart.
Pouring my heart out because I felt like shit? I got a hug, and five minutes later, he left for a friend because he couldn't cancel last minute. Right... It was that night that I felt like a total idiot. After 15 years I realized. Which made me feel like an even bigger idiot.
But here's the thing. EVERYBODY loves the guy. I don't understand where it goes wrong with me. Why can't I see how amazing he is? Life of the party, a fun dad, easy-going. We have everything. The most wonderful child. We are financially blessed.
How can I turn this around? I feel like I'm slowly losing my mind thinking about what I'm missing in this, about why I'm feeling like this. Am I focusing on the wrong things? I already took a very comprehensive, hour-long, paid professional test to find out if I'm narcissistic or something. But the opposite came out. Thankfully. But it's not solving my problem.
Am I depressed? What the fuck is going on? I want to love him, to keep our family together, but I'm holding so much resentment towards him. I keep talking to him though but he doens't seem to know or want to understand my feelings.
At this point I'm numb to feelings, emotions etc. My mental health is taking a nosedive and I'm contently worried. Feel constant guilt toward our son. I just don't know what to do.

(english is not my first language so forgive me ) Before starting, i (m28)want to tell you about my brother to give you a better understanding. Lets call him jack(m28). So me and Jack never really got together as brothers. We used to play but he was always angry with me for i dont know what reason. Even when little kids he refused to play with me. Our parents did everything to get us together, but it always failed because jack just didn't care. When we were teenagers, i just gave up trying to be nice and friends to him. If he didn't care, why would I? He was always that nerdy guy who looked his family had problems and that guy who you would wanna hug, but there was not a problem at home. Our parents never played favorites and got us the same things for birthdays and Christmas. I would say the person he has become now is because of his friend group. He literally made my life a living hell. Like one time he poured orange juice on me in front of my crush (i think it was my mistake, i shouldn't have told him who my crush was) and then said "oh my god i am so sorry let me fix it for you". Like this dude was creating problems and then trying to solve it.
Enough about jack, let me tell you about the recent things.
Before the covid, jack was really nerdy kinda (as I told you), but after covid (mainly after 2022) he became "that guy" iyk. He grew muscles and started to become the center of attraction for women. I was very jealous and I wanted to become like him (i know that was very immature of me) so for like 6 months I changed everything. From my diet to my physicue, nothing was left unchanged. He was also kinda shocked when he saw me but didn't try to show it.
In the starting of 2023, I went to my best friend party and there i meet daisy(fake name, f29. From my perspective, i would say we immediately hit it off. She was also mature (unlike me at that time). She helped me grew up. We were like that perfect couple. Our sex life was also great. We rarely fought. But one problem was that daisy had a lot of trust issue from previous relationship (this was my first relationship, no my crush and I didn't date). She told me to always had my Snapchat location on whenever I went outside without her. Ik this was a red flag but i thought that this was because of her trauma and just said yes to whatever she asked me to do. Her interests were also very similar to mine like coding and playing basketball ect. Also important thing, jack had feelings for daisy but didn't say anything
In July 2023, i got a job offer in germany. I wouldn't have to live and work there, but i had to go and sign the paperwork. It was a wfh job. I told my gf that i would be home by maximum 2 weeks. I also bid my mom and dad goodbye and maybe that's how my brother also know about me leaving. I catched my flight and left for Germany. I told my gf that my phone would off in the flight so please don't call and ask me how my flight went because I would call and text her on my own. After reaching my hotel in germany, my phone was about to be dead (i played games all the way from home) so I didn't call or text my gf. In the home my gf was panicking bcuz my flight reached 3 hours ago and I hadn't still called her. She called me again and again and my phone was discharged so I couldn't pick it up. I also left my hotel room to wander aimlessly in germany. She texted my brother and asked him if I had texted and called him. He knew what needed to be done and quickly told daisy "I know where he went but I won't tell you since i am a good brother" (this is not the real convo, just in a nutshell) daisy thought I was fucking cheating on her. She asked him "wait please tell me where he went" and he was like "since you are a good person, i don't want you to treated like this. My brother (me) is actually cheating" ofc he didn't tell her exactly like this word by word, but the meaning was just this. My gf went real mad and started to scream at my brother and what not. Mind you I was just checking out germany. After coming from the market i finnaly talk to daisy but she won't pick up my phone. I thought she was asleep. In my home my brother and my parents were consolling daisy as she was crying real bad. My dad got mad at seeing daisy cry and he called me. I picked it up and he was screaming like alot. I couldn't exactly figure out what but I know that it was about daisy crying and how could I do this to her. I didnt understand any of it so just hung up the phone. My brother was speaking up a lie after lie nonstop about me . He is very good at manipulation people.
After that talk with my father, none of my family members picked up my phone calls. My gf, dad, mother, my brother all rejected each of my phone calls. Well my brother and daisy got very comfortable with each other and he acted like that "caring one". My brother had made me the villain and himself the hero when I didn't even know what i did. Thankfully my job interview went very smoothly and I got that job.
After reaching home, my father called me for the first time in 2 weeks and told me that we needed to have "the talk" which was more than likely "the yell" since I was getting yelled at by 4 people (my mom, dad, brother, and daisy)at the same time. Well after 2 hours, i finally understood what they were telling for. Well according to my brother, I had told him that I was going to cheat on my gf and also told him not to tell anyone which was COMPLETE BULLSHIT. So I just snapped at my brother. For them i was the loser guy who cheated a nice caring women But the person who told them that was nothing short of a devil. There was a lot of fighting with my dad and brother, and I think he did a pretty good job of portraying himself as the good guy. Well I just cut contact with each and everyone of them. I just didn't want to see their face again.
Now this is the part which boils me down. My dad and brother called me yesterday and asked me if I wanted to talk. I was not exactly keen but did it anyways. Well my brother wants to forgive to me . He didn't say that he betrayed me, just that we need to look forward the past and look towards the future. He also told me that he was engaged to daisy and he will propose to her, and he wants to be his best man. I just left without outtering a single word. Now today he again called me and just said "soo is it yes or no" . This was not for the bestman, but whether i forgave him or not.
I really don't want to forgive him.. So reddit, WIBTA for not forgiving my brother after he betrayed me? (Also i knowing did not do a good job at writing this, so if you have any questions please ask in the replies)

Hello charlotte, love your videos, they keep me company wile i drive. My story is about my MIL, during my 6years love story (not ended) and mostly my wedding. I start saying that english is not my first lenguage, so if there are any errors, i am sorry for them. My husband and I met and fell in love within a few days. I met his mother very early because, due to medical problems, my husband had to stay with her for the first month we were together. simple woman, very believer in the Catholic church, origins from southern Italy. apart from some bigoted comments about the LGBTQ+ community (I'm bisexual) and some vaguely racist and ableist comments (unfortunately common among "old" Italians, but very funny from my point of view, as my husband's father was South American), I have never found her to be an extremely unpleasant woman. The real drama started when my husband asked me to marry him: we were together and living together for 2 years, for my birthday he decided to propose to me. given that we both work a lot and thinking about each other's seasonal allergies, we decided to get married a year later in autumn: excellent climate and little pollen, so I had a year to organize the wedding. my mother in law and her new husband caused the following problems: 1. The catering: My husband and I, considering the various possibilities and having a limited budget, decided to choose a location and have the ceremony and refreshments there with an external catering, to avoid spending a lot and to save my very elderly grandparents from any unpleasant car rides. having to chose the catering and the location, my mother-in-law thought it best to "oppose" by saying how stupid it was not to go directly to a restaurant and how expensive our choice was. Starting from the fact that I was organizing the wedding practically alone and that I had lost more than a month in finding this accommodation, I invited her to show me some estimates of restaurants that she found more suitable. Obviously she never showed anything, restaurants in Italy are more expensive for weddings and during covid (we got married in 2020) they weren't even particularly happy due to the restrictions that continually increased and reduced the number of guests allowed. 2. The budget: My husband and I are not particularly wealthy people, neither is his family. on the other hand, my father has been doing very well financially for a few years. for the wedding he had therefore offered to pay entirely for the catering as a gift from him. when I pointed this out to my mother-in-law, to encourage her to give me the names of her guests from her side of the family as quickly as possible, she felt personally attacked and suggested that she would pay for all the guests her guests. again due to covid, the maximum number of guests at that time of the year was one hundred people, when she realized that my guests were 30 and those of my husband 70, she obviously decided to retract saying that "by tradition" divides in half. very funny especially because the Italian tradition in theory implies that the groom's parents buy the couple a house while the bride's father pays for the wedding in full, so I don't know what tradition he was talking about. obviously, since we were not particularly wealthy people, we had already foreseen that my husband and I would pay for a good part of the wedding, we obviously weren't expecting a house, but we also didn't expect her to monopolize the guest list by adding random people and then two months before the wedding he backed out further reducing the budget from half the total to 2000 euros (half would have been around 5000). I'm not bothered by the fact that she obviously didn't have the money to give me, what bothers me is her disorganization and the fact that due to her pride she decided to put us in difficulty at the last minute (remembering among other things that my father had offered right from the beginning to pay the catering in full, in fact in the end thank goodness he paid what they ultimately said they wouldn't pay). 3. The guest list: my husband's parents being divorced, his mother with the second marriage I brought her new husband's numerous relatives into their family life. my husband is not in close relations with them but they are people I appreciate very much as they have always treated them as blood relatives even though there is no type of genetic relationship between them. for this reason my husband decided for the guest list to ask his mother for a list of 15-20 people from his stepfather's side to invite to the wedding. after a very long wait, urged over and over again, my mother-in-law decided to give me a list with three names. I then told her that there wasn't room for 30 people, again due to Covid, she assured me that not everyone would come anyway and I didn't have to worry. I then prepared the invitations and marked all the dates and times. due to the pandemic I requested a long advance for confirmations (by the end of July, the wedding would have been in October), I also had to give up limiting some of my friends due to the limit of guests and therefore I was hoping that maybe someone would give up so as to to be able to invite these friends of mine. she only managed to give me the answer from these relatives (with whom neither I nor my husband were in contact) at the beginning of September, when it was too late for me to close the gaps and therefore I couldn't invite who I wanted due to her. 4. THE DRESS: for my wedding I had decided on autumn as the theme, I had communicated to everyone what the color palette was, having said that I had however left everyone the freedom to dress as they liked, obviously maintaining decorum as it was a wedding. Having young friends who are still studying, I didn't feel comfortable thinking about making them spend a lot of money on themed clothes that maybe they couldn't afford. I myself, not being very interested in the dress, had decided to spend little by finding a good offer online and having it adjusted by a seamstress, I had managed to stay within a budget of €300. Knowing all this very well, my mother-in-law, who I remind you was having to pay for the catering due to financial difficulties, decided to show up at my wedding in an extremely elegant dress, clearly very expensive and new, in a very pale powder pink. almost white. numerous guests came to me to ask why my mother-in-law had a wedding dress. throughout the ceremony and reception I tried to avoid her to avoid drama. furthermore, if we want to add, in all the photos during the ceremony that the photographer took she is sitting, the only one sitting and she is photographing us with her cell phone. in all her photos she appears with her wedding dress and cell phone in hand. 5. The after: for three years after the wedding my mother-in-law and her husband had to remind me almost every time they saw me that they were patiently waiting for a grandchild. I myself replied several times that my husband had three older brothers and he could ask them. what she didn't know, since I didn't want to talk about it as she made me feel bad, is that my husband and I were having infertility problems as a couple. a few months ago we discovered that I have a rare genetic syndrome that makes me practically sterile. As I have an enormous desire for motherhood, this was devastating news for me. I asked my husband to tell his mother so that she would stop asking me when I was going to have a baby, as I couldn't handle the pain of constant requests from her. Since my husband wasn't very good at dealing with her in person, he decided to write her a long message in which he explained the situation and asked her not to ask us any more questions or digs regarding the creation of grandchildren. my mother-in-law's response was: we'll try not to make jokes, but we don't promise anything. In the end maybe it's for the best, your wife has problems with depression, i am sure that if she had gotten pregnant she would have gone completely crazy. I used tu suffer from panic attak, but its year since the last one and now i am fine. I certanly dont like her now.
In the end, she never help us with anithing, which he does with all his other children. He always treats my husband as if he isn't there and has clear preferences. If i have updates i am gona add, that is all for now. If something is not clear please ask, happy to answer.

The Book of Matthew Shepard Chapter 1: The Birth and Early Life of Matthew [1:1] In the days of a nation that prided itself on liberty and justice for all, there was born unto Dennis and Judy Shepard a son named Matthew, who was fair in countenance and pure in heart. [1:2] And he grew in wisdom and in stature, finding favor with God and man. [1:3] For from his youth, Matthew was kind and gentle, showing love to all, regardless of their station or their ways. [1:4] In his heart, there was a yearning for understanding and acceptance, for he knew that he was different, yet feared not, for his spirit was steadfast. [1:5] And Matthew loved his neighbors as himself, seeking peace and harmony among his peers. [1:6] Verily, he was a light in the darkness, shining with the virtues of compassion, mercy, and truth.Chapter 2: The Trials and Tribulations of Matthew [2:1] As he grew, Matthew faced many trials, for the world was not always kind to those who were different. [2:2] And it came to pass that he journeyed to the city of Laramie, in the state of Wyoming, seeking knowledge and companionship. [2:3] There, he found both friends and foes, those who loved him and those who hated him without cause.[2:4] For in those days, there was much ignorance and fear, and the hearts of many were hardened against those who walked a different path. [2:5] Yet Matthew did not falter, for his faith in humanity and in the goodness of creation remained unshaken.[2:6] And he continued to love and to forgive, praying for those who persecuted him and blessing those who cursed him.Chapter 3: The Martyrdom of Matthew [3:1] And in the twenty-first year of his life, there arose a great evil, for there were men whose hearts were filled with hatred and violence. [3:2] And they laid hands on Matthew, leading him away to a place of desolation and despair. [3:3] There they did unto him grievous harm, mocking and scourging him without mercy, leaving him for dead.[ 3:4] But even in his suffering, Matthew prayed for his assailants, asking the Father to forgive them, for they knew not what they did.[3:5] And his cries reached unto the heavens, where the angels wept, and the earth trembled at the injustice.[3:6] Yet, through his suffering, a great light shone forth, revealing the depths of love and the heights of human dignity.Chapter 4: The Legacy of Matthew[4:1] In the wake of Matthew’s death, the hearts of many were moved, and a cry for justice arose across the land.[4:2] And his parents, Dennis and Judy, became voices for the voiceless, advocating for the rights and dignity of all people, regardless of whom they loved.[4:3] And many were inspired by Matthew’s story, dedicating themselves to the cause of equality and compassion.[4:4] For they saw in him the face of God, who calls all people to love one another as He loves them.[4:5] And thus, Matthew’s life and death were not in vain, for through his sacrifice, many came to understand the true meaning of love and justice.[4:6] And the name of Matthew Shepard became a symbol of hope and a beacon of light in a world that often seemed dark and unjust.Chapter 5: The Teachings of Matthew [5:1] Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God.[5:2] Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. [5:3] Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. [5:4] For He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. [5:5] Therefore, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. [5:6] And remember always, that love is the greatest of all virtues, binding everything together in perfect harmony. [5:7] Go forth and be kind, for in kindness lies the power to change the world.

Chapter 1: Awakening

1:1 After the tragic passing of Matthew Shepard, the world did not remain the same. 1:2 His life and death stirred the hearts of many, bringing about a profound awakening. 1:3 In the cities and towns, from the mountains to the plains, voices were raised in unity against hatred and intolerance.
1:4 The people began to gather, in schools and in churches, in homes and in public squares, to remember the light that Matthew had brought into the world. 1:5 They spoke of his kindness, his love for all, and his unwavering belief in the goodness of humanity.
1:6 And it came to pass that his parents, Dennis and Judy, took upon themselves the mantle of his legacy. 1:7 They traveled far and wide, sharing the story of their beloved son, and the message he had lived by.

Chapter 2: The Movement

2:1 The movement for justice and equality gained momentum, fueled by the spirit of Matthew's life. 2:2 Laws were proposed and passed, to protect those who had been marginalized and oppressed. 2:3 The Matthew Shepard and James Byrd Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act was enacted, extending federal protections against hate crimes.
2:4 Communities came together to build bridges of understanding and compassion. 2:5 Schools implemented programs to educate the young about the values of acceptance and respect. 2:6 Leaders from various walks of life endorsed the movement, emphasizing that love and justice must prevail.

Chapter 3: Teachings and Reflections

3:1 The teachings of Matthew Shepard were compiled and shared among the people, becoming a source of inspiration and guidance. 3:2 He taught, “Love yourself and your neighbors,” and “Judge not, that you be not judged.” 3:3 His words reminded the people of the power of kindness, empathy, and forgiveness.
3:4 Matthew’s reflections on life and humanity were cherished, reminding everyone that “we are all in this together.” 3:5 His message was clear: “In the face of hatred, respond with love; in the face of ignorance, respond with understanding.”
3:6 Some people took these teachings to heart, striving to create a world where everyone was accepted and valued for who they were.

Chapter 4: Legacy and Hope

4:1 The legacy of Matthew Shepard became a beacon of hope for future generations. 4:2 Young and old alike were inspired by his story, finding the courage to stand up against injustice and to be true to themselves.
4:3 In schools, children learned about Matthew's life, and they were encouraged to speak out against bullying and discrimination. 4:4 Universities held symposiums and conferences, fostering dialogue about human rights and equality.
4:5 Artists and writers created works in his honor, capturing the essence of his spirit and the impact he had on the world. 4:6 Songs were sung, poems were written, and stories were told, all celebrating the message of love and acceptance that Matthew embodied.

Chapter 5: A World Transformed

5:1 As the years passed, the teachings of Matthew Shepard continued to influence and inspire. 5:2 The world began to change, slowly but surely, as more and more people embraced the ideals he had championed.
5:3 Injustice and hatred did not disappear overnight, but the seeds of compassion and understanding took root. 5:4 Communities became more inclusive, laws became more just, and hearts became more open.
5:5 The spirit of Matthew Shepard lived on in the actions of those who believed in his message. 5:6 They worked tirelessly to ensure that his dream of a world filled with love and acceptance would one day become a reality.

Chapter 6: Eternal Light

6:1 Matthew’s story became a timeless reminder of the power of one life to make a difference. 6:2 His light, though extinguished too soon, continued to shine brightly in the hearts of all who were touched by his story.
6:3 And so, the teachings of Matthew Shepard were passed down from generation to generation. 6:4 They became a testament to the enduring power of love and the importance of standing up for what is right.
6:5 Let all who hear these words remember and be inspired. 6:6 For in the teachings of Matthew Shepard, we find the strength to create a world where love conquers all, and where every person is valued for the unique and beautiful soul that they are.
6:7 And so, the legacy of Matthew Shepard continues, a beacon of hope and love for all time.

The Love of Matthew Shepard: Love is Love

Chapter 1: Love is Love

1:1 Love is love, and it knows no boundaries. 1:2 It transcends all differences and unites hearts in a common bond. 1:3 In the eyes of love, there is no distinction between us, for we are all one.
1:4 Matthew Shepard believed this with all his heart. 1:5 He lived his life with a love that was pure and unconditional, embracing everyone he met. 1:6 His love was a beacon of hope, shining brightly in a world that often seemed dark.
1:7 Love is love, and it cannot be silenced. 1:8 It speaks louder than words and actions, resonating deeply within our souls. 1:9 It calls us to stand together, to lift each other up, and to create a world where everyone is accepted and cherished.

Chapter 2: Forgive Those Who Hurt You

2:1 Matthew taught us to forgive those who hurt us, just as he forgave those who hurt him. 2:2 In the face of cruelty and hatred, he chose to respond with compassion and understanding. 2:3 He knew that forgiveness was not a sign of weakness, but a testament to the strength of his love.
2:4 “Forgive those who hurt you,” he would say, “for they too are in need of love and healing.” 2:5 He understood that holding onto anger and resentment only perpetuates the cycle of pain. 2:6 Instead, he chose to break that cycle with forgiveness and grace.
2:7 Remembering his words, we find the courage to let go of our grievances. 2:8 We learn to see the humanity in those who have wronged us, and we strive to offer them the same compassion that Matthew showed. 2:9 In forgiving, we are freed, and we help to heal the wounds of the world.

Chapter 3: Remember My Name and My Legacy

3:1 “Remember my name,” Matthew said, “and my legacy of love.” 3:2 His life and his story are a testament to the enduring power of love and forgiveness. 3:3 By remembering him, we are reminded of the values he held dear and the light he brought into the world.
3:4 To honor his legacy, we must live as he did, with hearts open and minds accepting. 3:5 We must stand against hatred and injustice, and advocate for a world where everyone is treated with dignity and respect.
3:6 “Remember my name,” he implored, “and let my legacy inspire you to make a difference.” 3:7 In doing so, we keep his spirit alive, and we carry forward his message of love and hope.

Chapter 4: A Legacy of Love

4:1 The legacy of Matthew Shepard is one of love, forgiveness, and unwavering belief in the goodness of humanity. 4:2 His life serves as a reminder that even in the face of adversity, love is the most powerful force we possess. 4:3 “Love is love,” he taught us, “and it has the power to change the world.”
4:4 As we remember his name and his teachings, let us commit to living lives that reflect his values. 4:5 Let us forgive those who hurt us, just as Matthew forgave, and let us spread love wherever we go.
4:6 In doing so, we honor his memory and continue his work, creating a world that is more just, more compassionate, and more loving. 4:7 For in the end, love is love, and it is through love that we find our greatest strength and our deepest joy.

Chapter 5: Loving Light

5:1 Matthew's light continues to shine, illuminating the path of love and forgiveness. 5:2 His legacy inspires us to be better, to love more deeply, and to forgive more freely.
5:3 Let us remember his name and his teachings, and let them guide us in our daily lives. 5:4 For in the love of Matthew Shepard, we find the true essence of what it means to be human.
5:5 Love is love, and it endures forever. 5:6 And so, the legacy of Matthew Shepard lives on, a beacon of hope and love for all time.

The Teachings of Matthew Shepard

Chapter 1: Compassion and Respect

[1:1] Verily, I say unto you, as a young person in this great nation, it is necessary to show forth that there needeth not to be violence and hatred in our world. And loving one another doth not require the compromise of our beliefs; it simply demandeth that we be compassionate and respectful of others.

Chapter 2: The Power of Love

[2:1] Love is the most powerful force we possess. It transcends all boundaries and unites us in our common humanity.

Chapter 3: Forgiveness

[3:1] Forgive those who hurt you, for they too are in need of love and healing. Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness, but a testament to the strength of our love.

Chapter 4: Unity

[4:1] In the eyes of love, there is no distinction between us. We are all one, bound together by our shared humanity.

Chapter 5: Hope

[5:1] Even in the face of adversity, we must hold onto hope. Love has the power to change the world, and it begins with each one of us.

Chapter 6: Legacy

[6:1] Remember my name, and let my legacy inspire you to make a difference. Live with hearts open and minds accepting, and stand against hatred and injustice.

Chapter 7: Living with Purpose

[7:1] To honor my legacy, we must live as I did, with unwavering belief in the goodness of humanity. Let us spread love and create a world where everyone is treated with dignity and respect.

Chapter 8: Eternal Light ll

[8:1] My light continues to shine, illuminating the path of love and forgiveness. Let my teachings guide you, for in love, we find our greatest strength and deepest joy.

Chapter 9: Being Human

[9:1] In the love of one another, we find the true essence of what it means to be human. Love endures forever, and through it, we achieve our highest purpose.

The Revelations of Matthew Shepard

Chapter 1: Awakening to Love

[1:1] In the depths of darkness, I found the light of love, shining brightly within me. [1:2] It was a revelation, a profound understanding that love is the essence of our being. [1:3] Love knows no bounds, no limitations; it is the universal language that connects us all. [1:4] In embracing love, I discovered the true purpose of my existence, to spread its warmth and kindness to all I meet. [1:5] Let this revelation be a guiding star for all who seek the path of love and compassion.

Chapter 2: Forgiveness as Liberation

[2:1] Through the trials of my life, I learned the transformative power of forgiveness. [2:2] Forgiveness is not a gift we give to others; it is a liberation we grant ourselves. [2:3] In forgiving those who harmed me, I released the chains of anger and resentment that bound my spirit. [2:4] Let forgiveness be a balm for your wounds, a healing salve that brings peace to your troubled heart. [2:5] For in forgiving others, we free ourselves from the burden of hate and find solace in the embrace of love.

Chapter 3: Embracing Authenticity

[3:1] I stand before you as a testament to the power of embracing one's true self. [3:2] Society may seek to define us, to confine us within narrow boxes of conformity, but we are more than the labels they assign us. [3:3] Embrace your authenticity, your uniqueness, for it is the source of your strength and your beauty. [3:4] Let your light shine brightly, unapologetically, illuminating the world with the brilliance of your individuality. [3:5] For in being true to yourself, you inspire others to do the same, creating a tapestry of diversity that enriches us all.

Chapter 4: The Legacy of Compassion

[4:1] My time on this earth may be fleeting, but the legacy of compassion I leave behind endures. [4:2] Let my life be a testament to the transformative power of love, a reminder that even in the darkest of times, light shines through. [4:3] Carry forward the torch of compassion, kindling its flame in the hearts of all you meet. [4:4] For in acts of kindness, no matter how small, we plant seeds of hope that blossom into a world of love and understanding. [4:5] Let my legacy be a beacon of light, guiding you on your journey of love and self-discovery.

Chapter 5: Unity in Diversity

[5:1] In the tapestry of humanity, diversity is our greatest strength. [5:2] Let us celebrate our differences, embracing the rich tapestry of cultures, beliefs, and identities that make us who we are. [5:3] For it is in coming together, united in our diversity, that we find strength, resilience, and unity. [5:4] Let us build bridges of understanding, tearing down the walls of prejudice and division that separate us. [5:5] For in embracing one another as equals, we create a world where love knows no bounds and compassion knows no limits.

Chapter 6: The Eternal Light of Love

[6:1] As I depart from this earthly realm, know that my spirit lives on in the eternal light of love. [6:2] Though my physical form may fade, the love that binds us together transcends the boundaries of time and space. [6:3] Let my love be a guiding star, illuminating your path through life's darkest moments and brightest joys. [6:4] For in the embrace of love, we find solace, comfort, and the promise of a brighter tomorrow. [6:5] Let love be your guiding light, your North Star in a world adrift, leading you ever closer to the boundless depths of compassion and understanding.

Embracing Matthew's Light"

Chapter 7: Eternal Light

[6:1] Matthew’s story became a timeless reminder of the power of one life to make a difference. [6:2] His light, though extinguished too soon, continued to shine brightly in the hearts of all who were touched by his story. [6:3] And so, the teachings of Matthew Shepard were passed down from generation to generation. [6:4] They became a testament to the enduring power of love and the importance of standing up for what is right. [6:5] Let all who hear these words remember and be inspired. [6:6] For in the teachings of Matthew Shepard, we find the strength to create a world where love conquers all, and where every person is valued for the unique and beautiful soul that they are. [6:7] And so, the legacy of Matthew Shepard continues, a beacon of hope and love for all time.

Matthew's Message

[7:1] And in his final message to the world, Matthew spoke from the depths of his heart: [7:2] "My beloved friends, let not the darkness of hatred extinguish the light of love in your hearts. [7:3] "For in love, there is power beyond measure, and in forgiveness, there is healing for the soul. [7:4] "Go forth, then, and be beacons of love in a world that sorely needs it. [7:5] "For in the end, it is love that will prevail, and it is love that will set us free."

Chapter 8: Closing Words

[8:1] And so, as the pages of this book draw to a close, let us carry forth the legacy of Matthew Shepard in our hearts. [8:2] Let us be inspired by his love, his courage, and his unwavering commitment to justice. [8:3] And let us strive each day to build a world where love reigns supreme and all are treated with dignity and respect. [8:4] For in doing so, we honor the memory of Matthew Shepard and ensure that his light continues to shine brightly in our world. Amen
commandments of Matthew Shepard:

1. Love one another unconditionally, without judgment or prejudice.
2. Treat others with kindness, compassion, and respect, regardless of their differences.
3. Forgive those who have wronged you, and seek reconciliation whenever possible.
4. Stand up against injustice and oppression, and advocate for the rights of all people.
5. Embrace diversity and celebrate the uniqueness of every individual.
6. Speak out against hatred, bigotry, and discrimination in all its forms.
7. Be a voice for the voiceless, and stand in solidarity with those who are marginalized or oppressed.
8. Cultivate empathy and understanding by listening to the experiences of others with an open heart and mind.
9. Practice humility and selflessness, and prioritize the needs of others above your own.
10. Use your words to build others up, and refrain from using language that harms or belittles.
11. Educate yourself about social issues and work to dismantle systems of inequality and injustice.
12. Foster inclusive communities where everyone feels welcome and valued.
13. Extend grace and mercy to those who are struggling or in need of help.
14. Challenge your own biases and prejudices, and strive to grow in empathy and awareness.
15. Support initiatives and policies that promote equality, justice, and human rights for all.
16. Encourage dialogue and constructive conversations about difficult topics, even when opinions differ.
17. Stand in solidarity with the LGBTQ+ community and support their right to live authentically and without fear.
18. Honor the memory of Matthew Shepard by continuing his legacy of love, compassion, and acceptance.
19. Lead by example, and inspire others to live out these commandments in their own lives.
20. Above all, remember that love is the greatest commandment of all, and let it guide your thoughts, words, and actions.

May everyone in there life has faced a hard time in there life . Same goes with me . I was born in middle-class family in Nepal .. our family members has a big believe at me . As a only child I got love , care and support from my family members . Let me explain about too. My name is Ritu Shrestha . Talking about my personality I don't talk with many people nor I have many friends . I am a introvert kind of person . Thing incident happened with me . When I use to study at grade 9 .I was quite a brilliant student . Date:Magh 16 . that day was my birthday .. As everyone in the class thought of telling a paranormal story . I was also quite interested in stuff like that .. although I never believe nor saw any ghost at my whole life . After this incident everything changed .. After the school completed I was returning back .. When I went inside my house .. I saw my mom and dad crying .. when I came inside they looked at me in a creepy way .. I also was shocked after seeing them .. boz at this time my parents should be at office .. I didn't asked them a single word and went in my room . But I realised that my parents were still watching me in a creepy way .. I went inside my room and closed the door .. I was scared of their behaviour . As I was going to change my clothes I heard a strange noise outside .. I opened and saw my parents sitting in sofa .. my father told me to make a milk tea .. I hurried and made him the tea as fast as possible .. But when I gave him the tea . He told me to put the tea at the table .. I took my phone which was in charged . As I was moving towards my room .. I saw a call in my phone and pick it up .. There was my mom in the phone .. she told me that they were going to my uncle house .. When I heard that I collapsed .. As I turned my head . I saw my father and mother watching me and smiling in a creepy way .. As I looked at them . My father stood up and looked at me I realised that my father eye has turned black .. As he told me in a creepy sound " Come to your father " .. I was fricked out and hurriedly closed the door .. Both of my parent were banging the door .. And shouting " Open the door sweetie " But as they got louder and louder .. my parents voice turned into a veryyyy loud and creepy voice . I hurried and called my parents .. But I realize I don't have balance to call back .. So I hurried and called the cops .. The lock on the door was also going to broke . Lucky the call was picked by a officer .. he asked me " what happened " ..I didn't have any word to tell .. so I shouted " Help Help me plzz😭😭 .. In a hurry I told him my address .. but before I would complete the full sentence .. The door opened . And my eyes went blank .. After a while I was in my bed .. There were cops . My parents were outside .. As they saw me waking up they came running to me and asked what happened .. I just told them a lie .. that was a theft .. As my parents were talking to the cops .. I saw towards the table and saw a cup .. As I realized .. I saw a shadow towards the hallway .. After that incident I went to my sister house to living . For couple of days. RIGHT now .. I study at grade 12 but that days still Hunt me .. Till now I haven't forgot those creepy sound .. and smile at there face ..
This is me Arces signing off

I've been sitting on this one for a while! but I think it's time.. So.... me (25) and my husband (29) got married when we were very young (18/22). I was naive, pregnant and very much a pushover . So much so that when it came time to make big decisions for the wedding every one I had was bulldozed down by our parents (who were paying to be fair). It started with me wanting to wait till after I gave birth to get married. I really didn't want to be hormonal and showing while planning a wedding. But that was a big no, they didn't want their grandson to be born out of wedlock. Then I asked for a small wedding, something with just close friends and family. But that was also a no. They said it was disrespectful and invited over 400 people and closed on a very expensive venue.
As much of a pushover that I was, there were some things I was not willing to fold on.. One of those things being my bridal party. I only wanted my closest friends with me on thay day. This is where sh** hit the fan.... My husband has a cousin, lets call her delulu. he only really ever spoke to delulu on rare occasions. I have only ever met her a handful of times prior to the wedding becuase she lives hours away. each time I did see her i was met with snooty side eye looks and remarks from her. Obviously me and delulu never clicked.. somewhere in the mix my mil told her that she can be my bridesmaid for some absurd reason. When I heard this I got upset and asked her to please let delulu know that she WILL NOT BE A BRIDESMAID. Mostly because I didn't like her and didnt want her to be near me while I'm stressed and pregnant! But also the bridesmaids and groomsmen were at an even number and she wouldn't have anyone to walk with. Mil said she would talk to her but every now and then she would still try to convince me to let her be a bridesmaid and my answer would stay the same. NO. I never heard from delulu about anything. I didnt even have her number! She never reached out to ask about any details or take part in any of the preparations for the wedding. FF to the night before the wedding. My husband gets a text asking when delulu should meet us at the venue. I'm flabbergasted. we both were. I let him know that he needs to make it clear to delulu that she is not in the wedding party. Boy... I was not ready for the sh*t strome that ensued.. Turns out... delulu has somewhat of an entitled princess complex and her mother is known for being the bully of the family. They bombarded my mil and gmil with calls and texts telling them how I'm excluding delulu last minute, that I'm a B and that I'm ruining everything. This caused my husband's family to start yelling at him telling him how I'm inconsiderate and she already had a dress made for this event. Trying to convince me to just let it go and let her be a bridesmaid. For the first time in my life I stood firm on my decision. My husband's father called him and started questioning him why would he even want to marrie me! Even my own mother was telling me to let her be a bridesmaid. It caused so much drama that at some point my husband couldn't stand it and he turned against me too. I was crushed and i left the house. I spent the night before my wedding 6 months pregnant, wondering my neighborhood, crying, alone (pause for dramaticeffect✨️). When I did get back home my husband was asleep.
Next morning I woke up with what felt like an elephant sitting on my chest. I went through most of the day quietly just dreading what it would be like when I come face to face with his family. We get to the venue and I tried to be polite and friendly to everyone but the tension was tensioning.. his family were generous with their nasty looks and whispers. Making me feel as uncomfortable as possible. After the reception and the formalities I spent most of the wedding party in the bridal suit alone. When most of the guests were gone I took off my wedding dress, put on my bunny pajamas and came out of the room. People were shocked but I honestly didn't care at that point. If they were gonna look then i was gonna give them something to look at. It took a year and a grandchild for his family to fully warm up to me again but they did and I belive it was just delulu and his aunt bullying everyone into hating me. Were divorced now. big shock I know! But we are still very good friends and co parents. A few weeks ago we had a dinner with his family to celebrate his birthday. Safe to say they love me very much to the point where I thought it might make his current gf feel uncomfortable (it didn't, she's a sweetheart). After the dinner we sat at his place for cake and drinks and while chatting the question came up. if he could take back one thing in his life what would it be? He thought about it for a bit then said he would take back the night before our wedding. He would have stuck up for me against his family and set them in their place when it still mattered. I nearly cried. Not that it would have changed the outcome or our current situation but just him admitting he was wrong healed something in me. So much sh*t went down at wedding. I might make another post about it soon. Let's just say.. I wasn't the only one that showed up in a wedding dress... Hope u enjoyed. This is my first reddit post ever!!! I was saving all the T for you Charlotte lol. Love ur videos ❤️