Hey y’all, I was supposed to graduate this spring but I guess I didn’t realize I was missing 6 credits in the senior level courses 200-400, as it requires 66 senior credits and I have 60. So I decided in order to graduate in fall of this year I would have to take summer classes, so I went ahead and registered for biology 226 and psychology 213 will these qualify me for the graduate application, I won’t be able to see an advisor for the next 2 weeks due to appointment not being available, that’s why I’m asking here. Thank you

Hi everyone! I am a college senior home for summer but I will be graduating with an early childhood education degree in December. I have been seriously considering going to grad school for ABA because I am interested in working with children, but not being a classroom teacher.
All this to say I was wondering if anyone here knows if ABA centers allow shadow opportunities??? I will be going back to college the first week of August so I think it might be hard to land an entry level job for such a short period of time.
If anyone has any information or advice I would really appreciate it!!! Thanks!

I feel like my whole life has kind of felt like a blur. Growing up I was really outgoing, I was a bit shy as a kid I guess around new people like anyone is, but I was normal and I loved meeting new people. I was a big extrovert as a kid and I loved talking and hanging out with people. I played a lot of sports like soccer and football mainly. I was a pretty popular kid as well growing up, I was friends with everyone in the school and I could confidently walk up to literally anyone I wanted to in middle school and talk to them and have a blast, because I was outgoing and fun, from what it seemed like, people loved to be around me because I was fun and was the class clown. This changed tho, pretty drastically. In middle school I did go through some hard personal times, had a lot of conflicts with my step dad, and I overall really started to decline from there ( grade 8 ). Some things I cant say due to rules and stuff but I got into doing some bad things, nothing like BAD bad but things I shouldnt do at that age and it hurt my family for a little bit. I was just a curious kid and was trying new things and I dont regret it because I learned from it, and it changed me for the better, but I think this still marked a big changing point in my life. Later down the road, around freshman year life was pretty good, I had some good friends and we would always hang out and goof around get into trouble but it was so fun. Me and my friend would mess around during class but we would be respectful about it and the teachers would even laugh they actually liked us a lot we would fist bump and had hand shakes and stuff it was really cool, one of the teachers would even play some of our favorite songs during the beginning of class. So life seems pretty great so far and it was, I had a great family (step dad questionable but he got a lot better with time) and a great school life so far. My close friend, the one id always goof around with moved tho during sophmore year, and ever since then it broke up the friend group really bad, and i didnt realize at the time but I really depended on him, and honestly I kind of lost myself after that. I stopped talking to people, obviously if they came up to me I would say hi and stuff but I never started conversation unless necessary. I instantly turned into the quiet kid no one talked to, in what felt like a flip of a switch. I started to struggle in school, I started to lose motivation and a will to want to try any more in my classes as I didnt enjoy school anymore. I only had a push to go because I had fun BECAUSE i got to see my friends, but ever since the friend group broke up, I lost my motivation, which in turn made my grades plummet. Ok so big deal, just lock in and get my grades up right? well no sadly, it wasnt that easy, I was struggling really bad, contimplating some bad things and although never went through with anything, I convinced my mom to let me go to online school.I switched to online school around the end of junior year in high school, I know a weird time but we were able to transfer grades over and it worked out. Life was a lot easier after this, I was able to stay home, avoid social interaction, and be at peace. I could do my schoolwork when I wanted to, i could plan my own schedule and it was really amazing. I pretty much played games all day as school was never really challenging itself, but the motivation and drive was the hard part, and if I had no push, then what was the point to care? My parents believed I was a gifted kid and have always told me that, even told my siblings that I am the smartest to there face which I always thought was very disrespectful, however I guess with time they started to agree, which was sad to see, almost like disappointment from them, but all I could do was thank them and try to be my best self. My classes senior year were incredibly boring, and this led to more feelings of hopelessness and so on, having no drive ruins me and makes me act in bad ways for myself and my well being. Some bad decisions were almost made and although they never were, they only escalate further later in life. I eventually graduate! I didnt even think I would make it to graduation but I did with a 4.0. 2 years in a row. My family was proud and I was happy I was able to make them proud and happy. But its interesting, because I never felt like I was living for myself, if that makes sense. I always felt like my purpose was to please my family, when in reality thats not what someones life should be about, it should be about living and hanging out and dating and making friends and going places, living life should be fun and amazing and crazy, but I never had that. My life was fun and I had a pretty normal kid life up until freshman/sophmore year ish. Although I know how life should be, and how fun it can be, and how amazing and beautiful it can be, It isnt for me, but thats okay. Im 20 now as the title describes, Ive never been on a date with anyone, I barely go out places, Im too scared of social interaction and I get nervous even thinking about going shopping that 90% of the time I order food which is too expensive and I feel guilty everytime I do it, but its not like guilt will stop me, its disgusting how much of an idiot I feel like. My mom is worried about me, she really wants me to meet people and talk to people my age. She wants me to take in person classes and interact with people because she says I need it. And yes I can agree I do need it, but I dont want it. I want to be alone, I want to be by myself where Im comfortable, not around anyone while im feeling anxious about every little thing that could go wrong and how im gonna make a fool of myself and so on. I beleive I have like agoraphobia or something like that im not really sure its just a good idea. My moms a therapist and she's very smart and knows a lot about this stuff and she brought that up as a possibility, but obviously she cant say if i am or not because im family. Every single day, I wake up, hop on my computer, play games, and do homework, for classes I dont even care about, but I have to do because a degree is necessary in my family, and I need to make them happy or else i will be hated forever or something idk! I am so tired. I want a break, I want to just stop and be frozen for a while, and just breathe, But i dont feel as though I can anymore, its hard. Im so scared of social interaction, the amount of opportunities ive thrown away due to it is literally uncountable and it makes me feel so worthless. I think theres a lot wrong with me, everyday I feel like I notice more and more and it sucks. I could have issues with my nervous system as my mom did, or I could have something else. For example I feel like somethings crawlign around my skin all the time randomly in different spots anywhere, usually legs arms or back but anywhere. It feels so bad because I cant concentrate on anything im doing, its like almost a really intense itch but not really, its like if an ant is crawling on your body but worse idk how to explain it. Not even showers help it, even if i get in the shower I get even more itchy, it doesnt even make sense. And I feel like im really paranoid a lot, i could just be walking around my house and i feel like someones near me or stuff like that. I feel like i see things out of the corner of my eye a lot and maybe this is what causes me to be more on edge which could be leading to me feeling paranoid but i dont think so? I dont really understand my own emotions it just sucks. Im not living life like how others are, im not living life like how I should, im not living life at all, im just existing. I dont feel as though I am using my time wisely, but whats there to do with no motivation? I dont know why im writing this, and I dont think anyone will even read past the first couple sentances, if that, but if on the off chance some random soul decides to read this, im sorry but thanks you for your time. I hope everyone has a good life and lives like how you should. Dont be like me, dont be scared of what other people think and have them dictate your life. Love yourself.

Ok, so I’m currently going into my senior year of nursing school about to graduate with my BSN in nursing.
**Background I used to be a EMT but the money isn’t there. I love the medical field plus the adrenaline and I miss it every day, but I decided to join nursing for better pay plus my love for helping people.
I recently have worked with lots of veterans for my externship. I have (during clinical) learned that clinic med surge nursing isn’t what I want to do all my life, but I love the healthcare nursing aspect. I have always thought about joining the military but not for the combat but for serving a greater purpose and fixing my Adrenalin rush. I have been looking into joining the air national guard to become a flight nurse (as it’s what I want to do after school) and thought why not for the guard?
I do have fears tho;

1. Am I just thinking of joining because I see the vets around me?
   
2. Will it help me in the long run or be a longer path for my goal of civilian flight nursing
   
3. I feel like I’m making a crazy decision mid life crisis, how do I know if I actually want to do it or if I’m doing it on a whim?
   

I really am confused because it’s been in my head non stop to join. I like that I can serve my country part time and use my skills to help others.
Thoughts?

As the title suggests, It had been over 3 weeks since I've graduated uni, & I can't seem to bring myself to even apply for any job, etc or even travel around or hang out or do anything fun like the people who I've graduated with in my major. I was unfortunately randomly paired with a bunch of racist, bullies, mean, sociopaths, & psychopaths who have the wolf pack mentality since they were from the same race & country (They were all mexicans) and for 9 months I've endured nothing but bullying, humiliation, racism, poor work ethics, insanely severe pressure, I could write a whole book about it. & this was all for a graduation project by the way. & as a result, I am left traumatized, I don't even leave my room, have severe depression & PTSD becuase of them, have been suic/idal, they've ruined my senior year in uni, nothing could bring back that, no amount of money is gonna turn time back into 9 months ago, were I will be able to re-experience being an undergraduate senior in university.
Becuase of the severe bullying, I would literally go home and cry, yes guys, it was that bad. I wish to turn back time and be randomly paired with different people, at least I would have enjoyed being an undergraduate senior. I feel so empty, I've no life, I don't know how to recover from that.

Summary:
Basically my friend has been getting stalked and harassed over relationship drama that happened in December 2023. There are 2 stalkers in question. The female stalker stalks multiple people at a time (including me) leaving random comments or making up false accusations every week or so, while the male stalker (whom ive never spoken too) will routinely harass my friend on discord once every few months. The first stalker ban evades using VPNs and makes dozens of alt accounts on both discord and PDB to spam and harass my friend and moderators. This weirdo also randomly messages her mutuals out of no where (which I'm included). She also photoshopped my friend's appearance to maker her look ugly and posted that on an IG expose acc of my friend (which has only 1 follower). She monitors each and every little action of her "enemies" on discord, IG, and PDB. There's also threats of violence but personally im not scared + the female stalker tried to fight my friend nd her bestfriend IRL, but never showed up. My friend is from the UK, the stalker girl is from Canada, and I'm from the US (dont know where the guy is from) so how would this work??
And yes I have access to her instagram username, her first name, and discord username which presumably have the same IP address, physical description (which she told me herself) was blonde, 5''0 and 85 lbs but this could be fake. I have no info on the male stalker because I've never spoken to him. So I wonder if i can get police involved because this is getting really annoying on my behalf but my friend is the main victim.
Full Context + Warning for long post:
So during my junior and senior year I stumbled across a random site called PDB, which is a social media site for psychology related stuff, and I would use it during school hours because everyothr site was blocked. I have graduated recently, which means I have no use for that website and don't use it anymore (still have my acc tho). I used it from march 2023-left for summer break-May 2024.
**There's 3 codenames I'll use in this case: A= my friend, B= the stalker girl,C=stalker guy**
Anecdotal evidence from the moderators of the site 2022:
So C used to troll on reddit and leave sexually charged comments on random women's posts. B used to troll on PDB and would spam racial slurs on the boards. Both of them got banned from each of their sites, B moved onto discord but made VPNs to bypass the PDB ban and harass the mods and their friends on both PDB and discord. C met B and they were stalking and harassing mods together.
August 2023, A joins PDB as a new member and regularly posted on the boards. At the time, B and C were friends at that time but C found a new girlfriend, causing B to harass the other woman. Then C randomly adds A out of nowhere on discord just to insult her, they forget about each other and a few months later in December A and C meet up and A is jokingly flirting with him, C takes this seriously and thinks they're in a relationship (despite C being with another girl). In January, A breaks up with C.
January 2024:
This is where the stalking starts, C and B gang up to harass A and stalked all her posts on PDB leaving racist comments and death threats. Keep in mind, my friend has never met the stalker woman before, then B posts hate comments about how "A and another random person was ruining the website". A decides to clapback for a while. A stopped replying after sometime and started blocking/ignoring messages instead. However they would continue to spread misinformation and bring up her name.
March 2024: eventually this is where I got involved, so B is harassing A, and A posts on a public board about B stalking her and links the argument. I became friends with A here and I joined into support her. B gets involved, after a while i had to block her but she kept making alts, and eventually blocks me and my OTHHER friend (that was also involved). I forgot about B for 2 months
May 2024: So A got into drama where she made accusations of another user of being a groomer, the 2 eventually made up but the moderators had to perma ban her main. She posted on an alt on a separate smaller board made for her friends, B finds out about this whole drama and makes more false accusations against A. For new context, C and A began hanging out again and C admits he hates B, this makes B extremely jealous and B spams the discord server claiming that C is a pedophile and harasses the moderators and A's friends again. I am on the private board and leave a funny joke and B gets offended and starts threatening me.
Instead of dragging her, I play nice "like im on ur side" and get her instagram. B admits that she's been stalking 16 different people. My IG is private so there's nothing to worry, her IG is public with no posts. B admits she's "scared" in my DMs as some sort of vent. Then I look through her followings and apparently B was involved in a catfishing scandal in January + her face was leaked. I share this with A and we're both laughing at her. Eventually B finds out and 1 week later during finals, she spams notifications on PDB non stop (oh and B made false accusations against a mod that she tried to pay to unban B).
June: I forget about her and 1 week she comes back spamming on my old posts?? She says she wants to "add me on discord and fight" but couldn't get my username right. Another week later, she leaves another comment on PDB (which I ignored bcuz i dont use this site anymore). Then she DMs me on instagram, I had to reply to tell her that I don't use PDB anymore and blocked+restricted her. And A shows me screenshots of C STILL stalking her on her private discord server. B+C make a new expose account of A, with only 1 follower (which is B's main account) and private it immediately???

I felt an urge to write this. To help vent some emotions and to lay out my story in case I need to provide it to anyone. TL;DR below.
I began using Yotta in October 2020. At the time, I was recently heading into my first year of University. I had a personal banking account with my mother had access to, as I made it when I was 17. I had my college funds and loans deposited into this bank account. Yet, out of nowhere, I started noticing transactions I didn't place. My mother had been withdrawing money without my consent, and I needed a new place to store my funds: fast. I quickly whipped up a checking account with a bank - yet, I still needed a savings account. I wanted one I could easily draw funds out of without facing any real penalty, since I was constantly shuffling money around. That's when one of my friends sent me Yotta, telling me to install it and make an account with them. I did so quickly so I could have a place to keep my funds.
I looked through Yotta, finding it to be a cute little app. I never cared much for the money-making part of it. Shoot, with my entire 4 years with the app, I only made around 100 bucks. I was just using it as a place to store my funds, and if I got a little extra out of it, so be it. I liked it as I could easily just withdraw money whenever I needed (which was a lot, being a college student). Yotta really did help me save money while I was in college, and the "losing tickets" when you withdrew funds helped incentivize me to keep my money in my savings account. I help a direct deposit going while I worked through school and worked a full-time job on the side. Life was tough, but I was pulling through.
Fast forward to May this year. I'm now a senior at my university, and it's crunch time. I recently got a huge tax refund in April, so I chuck it all in Yotta while I focus on my finals. I work hard and pass my classes with flying colors. I was so freaking proud of myself. a 4.0 GPA double major, while working full time? I felt on top of the world. I still remember walking on stage and grabbing my diploma. I couldn't wait to use my degree further, going to law school and buying textbooks to help me study.
Studying for my finals also took a huge hit on me financially. I had to stop working to focus on studying, so of course my next paychecks were extremely low. I barely had enough to pay rent, and I desperately needed funds to help pay for food. My next rent payment hits, and I finally go to withdraw that tax refund from Yotta. "Oops! Refunds are currently disabled."
What do you mean, currently disabled?
I frantically look through the app, and realize the mess I just got myself into. I went from the top of the world to the dumps. This dinky little app I barely used just prevented me from using my own money to live. How messed up is that?
Then, something caught my eye. What the hell is YottaCash? I never heard of that before. Why are these stupid gambling minigames? This was NOT the app I used before, nor the app I downloaded.
Yotta went from actively helping me save money, to being the one thing that took everything I had in the first place. I'm typing this now from my computer. I am now working overtime hours, six days a week, trying to get enough funds to eat, pay off loans, and fix my rent. I can't focus on my higher education anymore. I'm stuck working deadbeat hours and relying on friends to help me eat more than stale mac and cheese.
I hope this gets fixed quickly. If anyone has any advice, please let me know. I'm unable to take out loans at the moment (due to credit scores and whatnot) and I already downloaded all of my statements from Yotta.
TL;DR I downloaded Yotta as a place to store my funds so my mother would stop sapping my money from me. I went to withdraw my money after my college graduation, as I needed the money to help recuperate funds after taking time off work to do finals and attend my graduation. The funds being limited has forced me into poverty and I do not know if/where my next meal is coming from.

Hi. When I was younger, around 11, 12-ish, I used to DIE LAUGHING with my friends watching some videos on Youtube. That was 2011, 2012. They were videos of people, models in ads I think, doing fast spins or moving their hands or just doing weird and fast poses, with some weird and random slogans as well, and we'd just laugh so hard and I can't FIND IT ANYWHERE. Does ANYONE know what I'm talking about?????
I think they were people auditioning for advertisement, saying random phrases and doing random poses. I don't even think it'd be funny anymore I just remembered it and tried to find it and can't.
Also, I remembered it because of that avocado/guacamole old lady video, it sort of has the same vibe lol idk I hope someone can help me but I think it's too deep in Youtube weirdness.

As the title suggests, It had been over 3 weeks since I've graduated uni, & I can't seem to bring myself to even apply for any job, etc or even travel around or hang out or do anything fun like the people who I've graduated with in my major. I was unfortunately randomly paired with a bunch of racist, bullies, mean, sociopaths, & psychopaths who have the wolf pack mentality since they were from the same race & country (They were all mexicans) and for 9 months I've endured nothing but bullying, humiliation, racism, poor work ethics, insanely severe pressure, I could write a whole book about it. & this was all for a graduation project by the way. & as a result, I am left traumatized, I don't even leave my room, have severe depression & PTSD becuase of them, have been suic/idal, they've ruined my senior year in uni, nothing could bring back that, no amount of money is gonna turn time back into 9 months ago, were I will be able to re-experience being an undergraduate senior in university.
Becuase of the severe bullying, I would literally go home and cry, yes guys, it was that bad. I wish to turn back time and be randomly paired with different people, at least I would have enjoyed being an undergraduate senior. I feel so empty, I've no life, I don't know how to recover from that.

As the title suggests, It had been over 3 weeks since I've graduated uni, & I can't seem to bring myself to even apply for any job, etc or even travel around or hang out or do anything fun like the people who I've graduated with in my major. I was unfortunately randomly paired with a bunch of racist, bullies, mean, sociopaths, & psychopaths who have the wolf pack mentality since they were from the same race & country (They were all mexicans) and for 9 months I've endured nothing but bullying, humiliation, racism, poor work ethics, insanely severe pressure, I could write a whole book about it. & this was all for a graduation project by the way. & as a result, I am left traumatized, I don't even leave my room, have severe depression & PTSD becuase of them, have been suic/idal, they've ruined my senior year in uni, nothing could bring back that, no amount of money is gonna turn time back into 9 months ago, were I will be able to re-experience being an undergraduate senior in university.
Becuase of the severe bullying, I would literally go home and cry, yes guys, it was that bad. I wish to turn back time and be randomly paired with different people, at least I would have enjoyed being an undergraduate senior. I feel so empty, I've no life, I don't know how to recover from that.

Necessary background: Dad is as boomer as they come. Totally out of touch, fallen down the misinformation rabbit hole head over heels and now subscribes to every conspiracy theory and fake news story he hears as long as it’s on AM radio or from one of “the good” news channels.
Sadly, my siblings and I have watched him degrade in real time over the last several decades, but when we were kids he was nowhere near as bad.
Examples: - he was never religious, and was openly agnostic, but is now an avowed “Christian” (while subscribing to exactly none of Christ’s teachings in his day to day life)

• he was always “socially liberal and fiscally conservative”, voted for Clinton in the 90’s and loved him, hated Dubya and the Iraq War, even voted for Obama the first time. Now he’s full blown MAGA, openly lies about his voting history, is viciously xenophobic, etc.
  
• and lastly, he got into Harleys and going to Sturgis when we were little , and he would always talk about how he wanted to get a tattoo of barbed wire wrapped around each bicep and how cool that would be, but ultimately never pulled the trigger on it.
  

————————-
Fast forward to the summer after I graduate highschool, and I’m preparing to move out and into the dorms. Our agreement through HS was always that if I maintained good grades, and worked a real job after school hours and in the summers, assuming I made it into a college he would pay tuition and books. Not all that uncommon, but still a GREAT deal that I was adamant on taking him up on. I worked at least 30 hour weeks every week from when I was 14 (started at a family friends horse barn working under the table) up to time of the story at 18. I also kept good grades and graduated with a 4.0 AND fifteen credit hours of college credit thanks to my AP classes.
I got into our local college and want to move into the dorms. He insists endlessly that I should skip the dorms, because they don’t “give you the freedom to have the full college experience”, and instead sign up for one of those apartment complexes where they match you with other compatible students off campus, and you pay rent. At his urging I did the latter, and to make it work, he said he’d cover the rent but not the bills since I would be working anyways and could cover those plus my food. Again, damn good deal.
Earlier in my senior year of HS (when I turned 18) I mentioned I wanted to get tattoos. His response was casual but firm: “not while you’re living under my roof. Once you move out that’s one thing, but not under my roof.”
So I moved out, into the apartment, and halfway into my freshman year I decided to get tattoos on each bicep (hmm, I wonder where I got that idea). I went back to his house one evening for dinner and to say hi to my younger siblings and I was excited to show them my arms. He went full blown nuclear.
Screaming, top of his lungs, three inches from my face, spittle flying, going totally fucking ballistic. I told him I had no idea he’d react this way and his response was to excommunicate me from my family. The quote that has stuck with me the longest was “don’t come to Christmas, don’t come to Thanksgiving, i don’t want you in my home, I don’t want you in my family, I don’t have FREAKS in my family”.
His explanation, through all of the bluster and rage, was that he’d “changed his mind on tattoos” since we were kids and that only “trash and druggies” have them, and that “his roof” was extended to my apartment because he was paying the rent after all.
When I went stone faced and didn’t react in kind after his hurtful ultimatum, he got angrier, and the three hour one sided screaming fest ended with him saying “good luck paying for school and that nice new apartment, like I said, I don’t have freaks in my family and I won’t be bankrolling a freak either.”
I left and went home, and after recovering from the shock sold everything I owned on eBay and at pawn shops to make that first rent check, then went to the bank and got predatory student loans because he refused to sign off on my FAFSA application to say I wasn’t a dependent, and because his salary was too high I couldn’t qualify for federal aid.
He thought I’d drop out and fail, instead I stayed in school and got a great degree and worked full time throughout to survive. We didn’t talk for years after his explosion and it STILL comes up in my therapy sessions.

Hi everyone, I would really appreciate some responses here. I've tried last time but post just got buried. Please help. Thanks a lot in advance.
**Demographics**
* Arab upper middle class female US citizen living abroad.
* Private high school
* additional info: Parents both went to college in their home countries. Mom is a homemaker and dad is a telecom engineer. I grew up in a really abusive household and have fought to achieve everything i've achieved so far because of it. I'm also currently on a gap year.
**Intended Major(s)** Political Science; Planning to go to law school afterward
**GPA, Rank, and Test Scores**
* Unweighted HS GPA: 3.8
* Weighted HS GPA *(incl. weighting system)*: 4.11
* Class Rank: Valedictorian, 1/92
* SAT Scores: 1540 superscore
**Coursework**
*7 honors classes and 5 APs; AP Bio, AP Lang and Composition, AP World History, AP US Gov, AP Calc AB. For context on AP Calc: I failed AP Calc AB my junior year due to family problems and abuse that made me really struggle to have the motivation to focus and do well on challenging classes. This was the only class I had ever gotten a horrible grade in throughout high school. For the rest of my transcript, I had 4 Bs throughout all four years and the rest is all As (except for ap calc, obviously)--also all As my sophomore and senior years.
**Awards**
* The President's Volunteer Service Award
* Third place in the impromptu speaking category of an international public-speaking tournament.
* 37th best speaker out of 300 speakers and 18th best team in another international debate tournament.
**Extracurriculars**
* On the university-level national debate team of my country of residence. Was 1 of 5 debaters selected out of 350 to represent the country and participated in over 30 international tournaments and also judged 3 international tournaments.
* Moot court; Mentored (and trained in moot court) by a law student who's the moot court champion of her country and best speaker in the continent as a whole. Helped organize an international moot court competition and got the supreme court judges of Ghana to be on the adjudicating panel.
* Intern at the continental debate association of my continent of residence; Was a regional debate trainer responsible for training and mentoring high school debaters from around the continent. organized an international women-only debate tournament that was aimed at empowering women from all around the world through public speaking.
* Founder and captain of my school's debate club. Was usually responsible for discussing and choosing motions, occasionally judging, and captaining the team i was on when I was one of the debaters. Had I think around 20 members and is by far one of the most successful clubs at my school even now after I've graduated.
* Volunteered as a tutor and helped guide and tutor low/income students /students from disadvantaged neighborhoods in english, math (algebra 2 and SAT Math), and history. tutored over 130 students. 120 service hours through this which earned me the President's Volunteer Service Award.
* Currently working as an English teacher
* I actually don't know if I should really include this considering that it might look so out of place, but I've always been very much into art and I'm good at it, so I had this little logo-designing endeavor where I'd be commissioned to design logos or other art-related stuff for people. Made $2000 in profit a large chunk of which was donated to charities advocating for things I care about.

I have been in a talking stage with a classmate almost 4 months now. We have been somewhat friends before this and have things in common. He reached out to me online, asking me if I was okay because to him, I felt ''off" that day. He was trying out to be a sort of "therapist" to classmates, who are people he met in real life, since he has been one to online strangers. He chose me as the first one, as I am the most likely to go with it and he was right. I later dissuaded him from his plan, citing the reason, it's not that easy and they may feel offended or at least uncomfortable. Especially if he chose to approach it in the way he wanted.
But I was a tougher nut to crack than he was expecting, and the tables turned. I became the "therapist". He has shared with me private stuff. I eventually did the same too, although I did take a longer time, because of my trust issues (which I made him aware of).
From there, we started messaging each other over most of the summer vacation of the previous school year, he eventually confessed to me via chat on the night of our Culmination Night (basically senior prom). No expectations on his part, he says. No pressure.
I, who have also developed feelings, offered him a "casual" relationship. I laid out my terms that I can't be in a real one because of my obligations to my family. I wasn't even allowed to engage in romance. He said he understood that and agreed to it. Funny thing to add, I was also planning on confessing. He just beat me to it.
Time pass and it was awesome. I have never been more in sync with anyone. After a previous arrangement like this that ended up exploding in my face, it meant all the more to me. He gave me what I was looking for! A good companion with fun conversations, even those with substance. We went deeper and deeper into one another's psyche by discussing personal things that we were unable to talk about with others, even with our family.
Thus, things felt more serious than it should have been. We started spending more time together. He was escorting me to the jeep terminal, giving me snacks in recess, we went out for "turo-turo", we went to dates, all that.
I didn't want to lose what we had, and so I agreed to take it to the next level. Against the former plan we had, we were going to continue this past SHS graduation. We still don't have the BF/GF title, as per my request, since that is a big deal for me.
Now things have progressed this way, I am having cold feet. My guardians let me be, provided that I am not neglecting my studies. But I still have not let my father know about this because he didn't want me to engage myself in this kind of thing. His parents are aware of our thing going on, and have been supportive. Even though they are financially struggling. Like earlier, when with his father, he brought me maja blanca that his mother made. Spending money on gasoline when they could have spent that on something more important.
I am considering to end our arrangement because I also don't want him putting in so much effort in me, when I really don't deserve it. My indecisiveness and flightiness make me a terrible person. In fact, I have recently hurt him by taking a picture with a male acquaintance, causing him to leave the graduation immediately after the last class pictorial. I was unwilling to take that picture with him because I KNEW that guy wasn't a great person, having cheated on my friend. Yet I agreed to that stupid picture, because I didn't like to say no.
STILL I was OBLIVIOUS to what he felt like a dumb fricking idiot! Of course he'd feel awful. He said that to comfort himself, he thought, "Niyakap naman niya ako eh" (which I did, after the program ended). We have talked about it and he says it degrades his stability whenever he's reminded of it.
For his sake, I want to cut things off, because it will only be harder for us from here on. With my guardians and parent not exactly open to the idea of us, financial difficulties that will make things more difficult, long distance, etc.
But if I do, I will be crushed. And I know he'll feel way, way, way, worse than I do. It's all my fault I let it progress this far. I should not have allowed him to invest so much in me. I should have steeled my heart early on and nipped this in the bud. Now the flower has bloomed and I, I don't want to let him go. But I know I will not be able to put in as much effort as he does. I am so guilty. Towards him, towards his parents.
What do I do?

I tried posting this on an alt but can't because of the karma thing so yay! The world gets to see this on my main! Cool!
I'm 25 and really just wanted to talk to some women over 30... ideally so I can hear that things might get better for me, because they got better for you. But I don't know. I don't really have any female role models and I have 0 female friends (not by choice).
The short story is that I went $40k into debt for a "Health Education" degree only to have no job prospects. I graduated with honors, because I'm good at "school", I can write papers, I can understand stuff, that's it. No skills that anybody wants. I had an internship my senior year that morphed into a paid internship when I graduated. I did that for 11 months then it was over. My mentor assured me I would be able to get a good job. I've been unemployed for 2 years.
At the tail end of my time working there my health got really bad, and I've been diagnosed with a few things, one of which is an incurable illness that will progress if I don't take it seriously. When I first got this, I was so scared, because I'm really really afraid of dying. I had severe vitamin D deficiency that made my bones hurt, I felt like I had the flu every single day, for weeks. I lose weight super fast, hair fell out, extreme brain fog where I couldn't finish a sentence. I lost the ability to eat most foods, and still can't, a year later. I was given a medication that did lasting damage to me, I had a doctor laugh in my face, I felt traumatized... ugh even just typing it out sounds so... weak and disgusting. "I felt" and "I feel" ... just sounds like excuses of a loser.
I know it doesn't sound like much hardship at all and realistically it isn't, other people go through so much worse. All of the stuff I experienced, it's all first world problems, I know that. All of the physical stuff I am going through wouldn't bother a stronger person.
I saved every cent from my job after college. I was going to use it to get an apartment once I had a good job, but both of those things became pipe dreams and I had to use it to see a doctor who could actually help me and listen to me. She costs $500 a month and that's genuinely one of the better prices. She thinks I might have Lupus or something in addition to everything else, I kind of stopped listening at my last appointment because all I could think was that my life is pretty much over. I pay for so much in supplements that I actually need, affording food that doesn't have ingredients that make me sick, and even though I KNOW it's real and legit, I have an actual disease, but I can't stop feeling like it's all made up and people think I'm just lazy. I'm going to run out of money trying to stay healthy, just so I can have a job, BEFORE I can actually get a job. Does that make sense?
I have lived with my parents since college which I know is sickeningly embarrassing and privileged, trust me I know. I've cut off all my friends in the past 2 years because I can't stand being the unemployed loser. I see all my friends on social media dating, traveling, experiencing once in a lifetime things, while I am applying for jobs, crying, and sleeping. I thought being good at college meant something, but it doesn't. I have 1.5 years of experience as an intern at a nonprofit, then 2 years of nothing. It's not like I was having fun these past 2 years. They have been actual never ending hell. But employers don't care.
Nobody will hire someone with a 2 year stretch of unemployment, not anyone who will pay me enough to actually continue treating my health issues.
I was advised not to mention health issues to an employer, even if just to say "I was sick, that's why there's a 2 year gap on the resume" because people use the term "chronically ill" and "health issues" to mean anything they want nowadays and it's basically synonymous with lazy. That's what my parents told me.
So not only do I have a 2 year gap, IF I ever get an interview, I can't explain it.
My only goal is to somehow make money. If I knew of a career path I should get on, a way to spin my experience, something concrete that would get me MONEY I would do it. I just need to make money. Please god can I find a path to make money. I know it won't be easy but I can't be working retail or as a substitute teacher forever. Nothing matters if I don't have a career making money. They say money can't buy you happiness but it absolutely can. All I want is money. Money is everything to me. I think about money almost every second of every day. The WORD money or job immediately triggers me to get heart palpitations.
Which leads me to my stance on competition. I have never won a single thing, ever. Not even like, a can of coke. If there has ever been a competition, I've lost. I've never competed with other girls to get a guy, and won. I've never competed with other applicants on a job, and won. I have -100 confidence and that's been proven to be the CORRECT way to feel. I spend pretty much all day and night looking for jobs, but it's rare that I see one I'm actually qualified for. I even was willing to do unpaid work but those are highly competitive and have age limits, and the ones that don't, well I already applied and was rejected. I am constantly either not finding anything, or rejected. I ONLY look for the lowest of low jobs, because my experience is basically "I was an intern once, 2 years ago". That's fucking pathetic.
And then sometimes I'm like... why am I trying so hard? Why bother treating this? Why not just let the disease progress. The main reason I was trying to get better was so that I could "live my life" but I'm not living anyway. I can't live if I don't have a good job, and I can't get a good job with my lack of experience, shitty degree, and unemployment. I had this dream of having a clean apartment. Doing yoga, being able to slowly reintroduce foods, getting my weight back up so I'm not wasting away... maybe if I have money, getting a dog to be my companion. Meeting other women and going out for drinks with them, feeling a summer breeze on my face and thinking "Oh my God, I made it!" but that seems so so far away, so unattainable.
I'm just so tired. I get like electric feeling zaps in the base of my skull and in my neck all the time, I get heart palpitations all the time, I'm bleeding money trying to work with a doctor to figure out what is happening to me, I'm staying up all night applying to jobs only to be rejected, I haven't had an interview in a year.
Sometimes my mom says that things will get better, and that I should just look at all the women in their 30s who are thriving. "I bet they struggled in their 20s, but look at them now!" she says. But be honest, some of your peers didn't make it. I bet several of you can think of a girl you know who just... failed, disappeared, got sick, died or ended her shit, idk. There's nothing stopping me from being one of those girls who just doesn't make it, who just fades away quietly but in my case nobody would remember me.
TLDR:
25, unemployed for 2 years. Health is bad, got diagnosed with a bunch of shit and have been paying so much money to get better but idk if I should even bother trying to stop the disease from progressing and fixing my health, because I won't be able to explain the unemployment to employers if I ever get that far, and I'm not contributing to society, I'm not doing anything. Cut off all my friends, I talk to nobody. I have been applying to entry level jobs and even looking at unpaid internships and volunteer things which I can't even get to because I cannot drive (and before you say, just drive! I can't! I was working on this in therapy but there have been bigger issues lately). I want to move to the city where it's walkable. and I'm not even qualified for the unpaid shit. I have 40k in debt, a B.S. degree in public health, 1.5 years of experience, all of which = nothing. No prospects. Genuinely I don't know what to do, I just wake up, look at jobs, apply if it's a good day, cry until I pass out, rinse and repeat. At this point I don't know if I can keep doing it. I'm so sorry for whining, please if I can ask one thing, just try to be chill, I know I'm being annoying, lazy, I know, I just had to put this out there because I can't stop crying.

I'm currently a senior in my undergrad as a chemistry major, and I plan to go into a PhD program for materials science once I graduate. I've recently been freaking out about my actual chances of getting into the schools I most want to due to my kind of subpar gpa. People I have spoken to about this seem to think that my experiences as an undergraduate can kind of outweigh my grade but I just want to make sure.
My gpa overall is 3.42 but my in major GPA is around 3.7, JSr GPA is 3.73 as well
I have a couple of awards relating to my performance in organic chemistry
I've been in a materials science research lab for about 18 months (R2 school)
Biology department undergraduate TA
I have an undergraduate research award- funding for a project next year
No publications
Attending an REU this summer for materials science (R1 school)
other random awards including university scholarship
if relevant, female applicant
UCSB is my dream program, would anyone be able to tell me if I have a shot, or if I should keep dreaming?

Hi! I recently just graduated senior high school. And although I am very happy it is all done. I cant help but feel a little bit sad because I didn’t receive any awards apart from my diploma.
I mean what made me extra sad was when I saw some of my classmates getting medals for awards such as research or entrepreneurship because it is a group project and they’re group won even if they admitted that they contributed little to nothing.
And parang ako lang nandoon sa baba halos kakaunti lang kami hindi nakatanggap. Mataas naman ibang grades ko. Sadyang di lang ako umabot sa grade quota to get any awards. Halimbawa kung kailangan 96, ang grade ko 95.
It’s hard not to be bitter. But in my case, you kind of feel like you were snubbed and like wala ka lang. Cuz it’s like all your hard work wasn’t recognized. And parang yung mga bagsakin nagkaroon pa ng award.
Sa totoo lang parang feeling mo di ka makacelebrate kasi wala ka namang mabrag na award apart from your diploma.
In large part siguro kasi you feel like 💩 and that in cases like these tingin mo you’ll amount to nothing.
I have come to accept nalang na maybe school isn’t the place where I will excel and shine.

Once I watched a teacher instruct teenagers to chant the word “pots.” They shouted, “Pots, pots, pots, pots, pots.”
Then the teacher asked, “What do you do at a green light?”
“Stop!” everyone shouted.
The teacher laughed and said, “That’s why there are so many accidents with teenage drivers.”
The teacher then pointed out that mindlessly chanting, “pots, pots, pots” (which is “stop” spelled backward) had primed the students to say “stop,” even though it was obviously the wrong answer. If the students had taken time to think, they would have said something different. He then asked, “Are you just chanting in your prayers, or do you really stop to think about what you are saying?”
This question gave me pause. At times I have found myself slipping into prayer routines where I just say the same things and don’t put effort into meaningful prayer. As I pondered on how I could improve the quality of my prayers, I decided to see how people prayed in the Book of Mormon. I was surprised to find that in addition to teaching about prayer, the Book of Mormon also gives many examples of prayer.
I found several patterns as I studied the prayers offered in the Book of Mormon. And as I’ve reflected on my own experiences with prayer, I have realized that my most powerful prayers have followed these same patterns. For me, five Book of Mormon patterns of prayer have been especially impressive. Implementing these patterns can change the way we pray and consequently change our lives.

Go to a Private Place to Pray

One pattern that consistently appears in the Book of Mormon is that people often go to a private place to pray. We read:
“I arose and went up into the mountain, and cried unto the Lord” (1 Nephi 17:7, emphasis added).
“[Nephi] went out and bowed himself down upon the earth, and cried mightily to his God in behalf of his people” (3 Nephi 1:11, emphasis added).
“The brother of Jared … went forth unto the mount … and cried again unto the Lord” (Ether 3:1, emphasis added).
When I was in my early 20s, I had to make an important decision about graduate school. I found a secluded place in nature and poured out my heart in prayer. I can still remember the powerful answers that came. There was something about going to a private place to pray that made all the difference. Praying and listening are possible anywhere, but they are best done where one can be alone, such as in a quiet room of one’s house.

Kneel to Pray

Often when people pray in the Book of Mormon, it explicitly states that they kneel or bow as they pray. Consider these three examples:
“[Moroni] bowed himself to the earth, and he prayed mightily unto his God for the blessings of liberty to rest upon his brethren” (Alma 46:13, emphasis added).
“Nephi had bowed himself upon the tower which was in his garden” (Helaman 7:10, emphasis added).
“They knelt again and prayed to the Father in the name of Jesus” (3 Nephi 19:8, emphasis added).
I pointed out this pattern in a class I was teaching and invited class members to consider kneeling to pray. A few days later, a student wrote me a note that said, “I have been kneeling for the first time and my prayers have been a ton better.” While there are times that we will not be able to kneel as we pray, in many instances we can. As President Thomas S. Monson stated, “Kneel down to pray.”

Pray Vocally

Another pattern of prayer that appears throughout the Book of Mormon is people praying out loud. One of the definitions of the word “cry” is “to utter a loud voice, by way of earnest request of prayer.” Consider these examples of vocal prayer:
“My soul hungered; and I kneeled down before my Maker, and I cried unto him in mighty prayer … ; and all the day long did I cry unto him; yea, and when the night came I did still raise my voice high that it reached the heavens” (Enos 1:4, emphasis added).
“The king did bow down before the Lord, upon his knees … and cried mightily, saying: O God, Aaron hath told me that there is a God; … Wilt thou make thyself known unto me” (Alma 22:17–18, emphasis added).
“[Alma] lifted up his voice to heaven, and cried, saying: O, how long, O Lord, wilt thou suffer that thy servants shall dwell here below in the flesh, to behold such gross wickedness?” (Alma 31:26, emphasis added).
Joseph Smith’s First Vision burst upon him after his first vocal prayer (see Joseph Smith—History 1:14).
As I thought about my prayers, I realized that the majority of them were silent prayers. Unfortunately, my mind tends to wander, and these silent prayers often turned into rambling thoughts not particularly related to prayer. As I began praying vocally, I found that I was able to concentrate more on what I was saying, and my prayers were more meaningful. Perhaps this is part of the reason President Spencer W. Kimball (1895–1985) said, “I hope that not too many of our prayers are silent, even though when we cannot pray vocally, it is good to offer a silent prayer in our hearts and in our minds.”

Express Gratitude

Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles shared an experience of when some loved ones had experienced a tragedy. That night, he and Sister Bednar wanted to pray for those who were suffering; however, a General Authority visiting their home, not aware of this tragedy, invited Sister Bednar to express only gratitude in her prayer. She did so. Elder Bednar recounted, “Our family learned from that experience a great lesson about the power of thankfulness in meaningful prayer.” This same pattern of expressing gratitude in prayer is found in the Book or Mormon. We read:
“Yea, and in the valley of Alma they poured out their thanks to God” (Mosiah 24:21, emphasis added).
“Alma ate bread and was filled; and he blessed Amulek and his house, and he gave thanks unto God” (Alma 8:22, emphasis added).
“The brother of Jared did sing praises unto the Lord, and he did thank and praise the Lord all the day long” (Ether 6:9, emphasis added).
In each of the above situations there was much that the people could have complained about. Alma and his people were not yet completely safe from the Lamanites, Alma had recently been persecuted by the people of Ammonihah, and the Jaredites were stuck on barges for almost an entire year. Yet they still focused on gratitude.

Pray for Others

While I sometimes have a tendency in my prayers to focus on my own needs, several people in the Book of Mormon show through their example the importance of praying for others. We read:
“Laman and Lemuel would not hearken unto my words; and being grieved because of the hardness of their hearts I cried unto the Lord for them” (1 Nephi 2:18, emphasis added).
“They began to fast, and to pray to the Lord their God that he would open the mouth of Alma, that he might speak, and also that his limbs might receive their strength” (Mosiah 27:22, emphasis added).
“My soul had been poured out in prayer unto my God all the day long for them” (Mormon 3:12, emphasis added).
Focusing on praying for others was at first a little difficult for me to apply in my life. I had become accustomed to focusing on my needs during prayer. As I have worked to more frequently pray for others, I have felt that my prayers are more meaningful. I feel a deeper connection with God when I pray for others.

The Savior Set the Example

The Savior’s prayers in the Book of Mormon include all of these five patterns:
“And it came to pass that Jesus departed out of the midst of them, and went a little way off from them and bowed himself to the earth, and he said:
Father, I thank thee that thou hast given the Holy Ghost unto these whom I have chosen; and it is because of their belief in me that I have chosen them out of the world. …
“And now Father, I pray unto thee for them” (3 Nephi 19:19–20, 23, emphasis added).
The teacher who had his students chant “pots” later had them chant the word “roast.” After the students repeated it several times, the teacher asked, “What do you put in a toaster?”
Some students said, “toast,” but many paused to think and correctly said, “bread.” The teacher commended those who had stopped to think about what they were saying.
I have found that implementing these five patterns—going to a private place to pray, kneeling, praying vocally, expressing gratitude, and praying for others—has helped me to pause and ponder on what I say in my prayers and has made the experience more meaningful. The Book of Mormon teaches other patterns of prayer as well, including being consistent and giving sufficient time to prayer and meditation. As we search the Book of Mormon and implement the patterns of prayer it teaches, we will reap great blessings in our lives and in our families.
By John Hilton III. Published in The Ensign Magazine, October 2012. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2012/10/patterns-of-prayer-in-the-book-of-mormon?lang=eng

Little background about me before i get into amazon. Graduated college with an engineering degree and worked at tesla from 2012-2020 as an engineering manager. Quit due to high stress, covid and woes with the company going public.
2021 friends of mine in amazon management convinced me to work here. Refused a management position at my start date because i was simply burnt out in being a leader. Started in wall building, moved to problem solve and was dang good at it.
Applied for PA in july 2022 and got it as i felt ready to ease my way back into management. Had a really bad experience in rpnd and moved to nights outbound dock. I got a great team, drivers stand behind my decisions, respect me and we get along fantastic. We put up amazing numbers compared to the other 3 shifts. My OPS manager wants me to take over for are recently departed dock manager as she left to raise her son and will not return.
My problrm is my manager, hes the fluid manager and pays no attention to dock or manual palletize. I understand fluid and its importance but we are clearly the forgotten stepchild at our site right now. He hasnt had a 1 on 1 with me in 4 months nor has made time to work on anything with promoting me. Hes 10 years younger than me as im 35 and he is 25 and has no concept of how hard a management job can be. My Tesla stories put the fear of god in him and honestly, management at amazon is cakewalk compared to my experience at tesla.
I just dont know what i can do. I dont want to abandon this team but we have 3 buildings opening in our area and i feel like i might as well try my luck despite over and over operations tells me they want to promote me. My outbound OPS manager is the best probably in the area but hes way too busy due to us not having a nights senior and him essentially doing both jobs.

For context, I transferred schools my junior year of college and simply never got close with any of my professors. I wanted to graduate in 4 years, so my schedule was kinda set not allowing me the chance to take multiple classes with professors and I worked my way through college so I didn't have a lot of extra time to recurrently stop in at office hours or really make my mark outside of class participation and my grades.
I had one professor for my Criminal Justice class this past semester before I graduated that I really clicked with, got a great grade, and always overly participated in class not to mention this professor is an attorney. She clearly states she doesn't write letters of recommendation in her syllabus which is a bummer!
I am definitely going to ask one of my bosses for a non-profit I interned with my senior year of high school and was immediately hired as their social media manager out of graduation. I've worked with them for over 5 years now and I feel like she can attest to academic work as I interned for her for class credit, as well as my overall work ethic especially writing skills, management etc.
My question is should I ask professors that I received a good grade in their class to potentially write me a letter of recommendation even though they might not know me the best or what are my other options?

I am going into junior year (Double Major in Accounting & Finance) and am doing a summer internship for a small firm in Tampa summer before senior year. I intend on doing a masters upon graduating and want to do an internship spring of my senior year, which is Spring 2026. When should I start applying?
Side question: How likely am I to land a big 4 internship? Resume: 4.0 GPA, student athlete, decent school, Small firm tax internship

Apologies if this is slightly vague, I know this is wrong of me and I've been regretting since. I don't want anyone I personally know to find out I've done this and I need to just, get this out of my system and do the right thing.
My English might be weird too, not my first language. I'm from SEA. Sorry in advance.
I (23M) grew up not really knowing what I wanted to do for the future, and still don't know now. When I was graduating high school, everyone around me seemed to know and my teachers were urging all of us to send our college or university applications via our guidance counselors while we still could.
During this time in my senior year I rolled with it, submitted applications somewhat knowing I wouldn't be able to get into the top ones they asked me to apply for. There was really only one out of the list that I felt like I could apply to and start figuring out from there, but wow, I was wrong. I really didn't know what I was doing. But I was only doing what was expected of people my age.
Miraculously, I was able to get in with my mediocre grades, but only thanks to me studying good enough for the university's entrance exam. I thought I really had a chance back then. My parents were happy for me and paid every cent to enroll me in and celebrate.
On my first year studying, I was doing slightly well. I was getting the hang of it and I really liked my course, I made some worthwhile friends too. When I would show my parents my grades, they would be slightly happy for me. I noticed they didn't like that I got low grades in some classes and would berate me for them, how I didn't appreciate their efforts to put me in a good university.
To be honest? This was when I realized it was never my dream to achieve stuff this high and complicated. As much as I did value the pursuit of higher education for others, I was not coping well with the changes. I've been too naïve and thought I could just figure it out on the way. Because I never did figure it out. Not then, not now. But how can I complain? It's an opportunity of a lifetime and all I was doing was blowing it. I needed to work harder, that's all I knew.
Once the second year started, I hit a wall. I stopped caring and felt burnout. It was on me for not telling anyone how I felt or called for help, but at the time when I would express these feelings, especially to my parents about this, they would only tell me to just keep going. Generally, it was tough shit and life is all about tough shit. Sadly nothing was stopping me from not caring about anything anymore.
Looking back now, I was 19 and stupid at this time. I shut down and quietly went missing from my classes. I would go elsewhere and sleep at a café or ride around public transport because I couldn't handle it. If I stayed home my parents would question and scold me for not trying hard enough. I was mentally at my lowest. I failed that semester due to my absences, and the next, and...
Pandemic hit, 2020. I forgot to enroll for the next semester, and when my parents heard that I didn't, of course they got angry. They were then relieved since they didn't have to pay more money for no classes at all once things kicked in during March and my university was scrambling to organize online classes. I was slowly starting to feel better. I finally got to breathe, to take a step back and wonder what I really want.
That is, until my mother wanted me to enroll back in university and see my grades from the last semesters. I failed both but I didn't have the heart to tell them, they thought I was doing fine. I was already scared of telling them I got middle-tier grades since they didn't like that I wasn't "doing my best". So I panicked, and stupidly, I lied.
The university had a student portal that I could log into and see my grades. In the panic, I edited them and showed it to my mother. She and my father were happy that I got better grades, and in my mind at the time, it was better to just try and pacify them with the fake grades so they don't make me go back so soon.
Again, stupid, and I was wrong. In 2021, I couldn't avoid it anymore and my parents forced me to call up my university to enroll back in. Reluctantly, I did, and everything was different. After only two semesters I cracked under the pressure. I really wanted to push through and finish but it got to the point that I was crying almost every night. It was technically still the pandemic and I had no one to turn to. My old university friends were gone, my professors whose classes I failed made things harder. All of this is solely my fault. I had no support system that I felt like I could share how I really felt about all of this.
When I cracked, my mom for the first time did see I wasn't handling it well mentally. But she was more distressed about my progress in school. Being afraid again, I lied to her about my grades failing once more. I guess it only exacerbated her lack of care as to how I was really doing and told me to get off my lazy ass and keep going. I was mortified as to how much she didn't care, but hey, I was already an adult. Tough shit, that's life, I had no room to complain. I did this to myself.
My parents did let me have a break in between semesters to rest after my mother saw me lose it. But I was to enroll again whether I liked it or not. I failed half of my classes that round, and I took a break. A really long one.
Fast forward to now, my parents think I only have a little left of classes to finish before I graduate, and that thought couldn't be any more far from the truth. I've been delaying going back to fix my records and re-enroll, so they have been pushing for me to go back. The weight of my lies really put an anchor on myself, over these years and all I've been doing is regretting, rotting, and wondering if I could just. Disappear. My parents don't deserve a lying deadbeat like me.
I know now that I wasted my parent's money, and their patience is running thin as well. I never wanted to live past my means or aim so high. Everytime I strived to be the top, to look like I was succeeding to my old friends and relatives, and to make my parents happy, I was not happy with myself no matter how much I did. I was only doing what they wanted me to because I thought it was right.
But I don't have a say in how I grow up anymore, I blew it. Me begging to have a smaller life when I'm given so much room to succeed is pathetic of me. I turn 24 later this year with not much ambition, and there were real nights where I considered to just work two jobs and live alone with nothing to my name, instead of being financially secure and burning myself for a career I'm not even sure I still want. It's horrible. I'm ungrateful.
In a few hours, when they wake up, I will need to tell my parents the truth. I have to face the consequences of my actions, it took me too long to gather the strength but I have it now. I can only hope they'll forgive me, but I wouldn't put it past them if they kick me out. I do deserve it and I'm old enough to leave the house.
Please though, don't feel bad for me. This is something I have to rectify myself and I 100% know this is my fault, if I haven't made that as clear as can be. Reality's knocking at my door and I didn't answer until it was too late, is all.
If you've made it this far, thank you for reading. Just needed to vent this out and sort my thoughts one last time.

TLDR; physically disabled teen, where the hell am I supposed to work? Help?
Help. I’m a high school senior, about to graduate, and I don’t know if I have POTS or something but I know somethings not right with my body. Basically I get all the symptoms of POTS. I have no money. Like…I’m cooked. I will actually die if I go off to university (which I will be doing this September) without making money.
Heres the problem, every single job near me has some variation of ‘able to stay on your feet for long periods of time’ and ‘able to lift more than 40 lbs’ as a requirement.
I am not able to stay on my feet for long periods of time! I’m barely able to stay on my feet for short periods of time! When I go from sitting to standing up (assuming I don’t have presyncope or syncope), I can usually stay standing for maybe 10 minuets before I start feeling like a bag of hot garbage.
And I am also extremely weak! Even when I worked out daily (before my symptoms got to the level they are at now), I couldn’t lift more than 25 lbs max with one arm. And now I can’t work out like that for a variety of medical reasons. 30 lbs with both arms is a struggle.
Basically I’m cooked!
I can’t afford to eat when I’m at university and I can’t get a job because my body doesn’t work.
To be clear, I had a part time job in the summer after tenth grade. My boss hated me because I couldn’t come in to work for a week (like 2 shifts) because I injured my spine and could not move. Didn’t even make $2000 over the 6 months I worked there.
Yeah I’m cooked
What am I supposed to do? Where am I supposed to work? I’ve been applying for months with no responses. How am I supposed to survive on planet earth, in an oversaturated job market, as a physically and developmentally disabled person?
k vent over