Third grade lesson homonyms

Student missed failing their grade by 1 point.
I attempted to schedule meetings with the parent to discuss grades and behavior 3 times. First two times, no one answered. Third time, parent agreed to a meeting time, confirmed in the follow up call, didn’t show. Alerted the Social Worker to the situation, she got mom to show up for a meeting the next day. Met with parent, showed parent the students grades, even had the student present for the meeting. Was able to get the student taken out of class for the rest of the day so they could work on missing work in the library, in an attempt to prevent them from failing. Made parent aware of this. Student did nothing. Yesterday, at a meeting (about a week later), I made my principal aware that the student did none of the work she was supposed to make up and missed failing by one point. Wanted to make them aware so they could keep it in mind when making schedules or thinking of SEL opportunities. Principal proceeds to scold me (wasn’t really a scold but felt like one) for not reaching out to parent AGAIN to let them know that the student didn’t do the work the second time that they should’ve done the first time. I feel like I’ve gone above and beyond to make the parent and student aware of the situation, so I don’t really see how it’s my responsibility to contact them again to tell them what I’ve already told them?

Alláh'u-abhá everyone
I've been wondering for a while, since we confirm the truth of the previous faiths of Buddhism, Hinduism, Zoroastrianism, Judaism, Christianity, and Islam (as well as value the saintly wisdom of Sikhism and Confucianism) why don't we study and learn the fundamental knowledge of these traditions?
With every tradition there are basics of theology and basic scripture study that is expected of followers. Of course it varies per tradition, Judaism for example has all young men memorize and recite some Torah in Hebrew, while Islam requires no such thing but still at least encourages members to study the Qur'an and the biography of the Prophet. In Buddhism perhaps less emphasis is put into memorizing scripture but instead on applying the Eightfold Path to one's life including through proper meditation such as Vipassana meditation
The levels of learning would of course vary with each tradition, and in some cases we may find it best to mostly ignore some topics that appear to have heavy man-made influence on them (such as the issue of the reliability of the Islamic Hadith).
However for what do believe to at least hold much divine wisdom, why don't we study it together? The Bhagavad Gita and Bhagavat Purana that tells the lessons of Sri Krishna, the Gathas and Avesta of Zarathustra, the Bible of the Jews and Christians, the Qur'an, etc. As well as the supporting wisdom that can help elucidate some of the meanings of these Manifestations. Perhaps maybe a study on the history of the creation of the Bible, meditation classes to teach others how to apply mindfulness to their life, chanting lessons that use lessons about the significance and importance of not only chanting the Divine Name but taking refuge to it (these references could be from Hindu/Buddhist/Sikh sources teaching about japa, or Muslim/Sufi sources teaching Dhikr, or Christian sources teaching on chanting with rosaries), and so forth.
None of these studies and lessons would be held to the same degree as the Bahá'í Writings. Obviously if we are told in Hindu scripture chant Krishna's Name, we would understand that we today instead chant Alláh'u-abhá. If the Qur'an says to allow take pilgrimage to Mecca, we know today such requirements are removed. And when we come across perhaps more concerning things, such as the Bibles references to slavery, we understand that these bits are man-made or have human influence and don't consider these words to be law in the same way as we consider the Words of Bahá'u'lláh to be law in a way.
I simply feel, to use the analogy of the progressive revelation of the world faiths as succesive grades in school, that while humanity as a whole has progressed to these higher "grades," we as Bahá'ís then are trying to teach the lessons of these higher grades while never having gone through the "lower" grades or at very least studied the fundamental material. We're trying to learn college level material while not knowing the material of previous grades. Think about how many Bahá'ís who came from Abrahamic faiths know almost nothing about the teachings of Buddha and Krishna, despite these very teachings be held as some of the highest in areas where Dharmic faiths are the majority. Think of how many of those who were Christian who know only the Qur'an verses in our Ruhi books. Imagine all of those who were Muslim and never read the Bible and so only have surface knowledge of the doings and lessons of Abraham, Moses, David, Jesus, etc. I feel that we can benefit greatly from this.
What do you all think?

I'm newly using the Eureka math curriculum in the Fall for 7th grade. Is there any way to find versions of Eureka math lessons that other teachers have made more digestible? I've heard it can be difficult to understand or use.

Tried fixing a shower today that was grading the wrong way that we installed and so we decided to use bondo. We didn’t know how to use it thought fuck YouTube we got this. Mixed the entire gallon with the hardener and immediately learned that shit sets QUICK bro. And not only that it gets HOT as fuck. I thought shit was gonna blow like a fucking bomb. So lesson learned don’t mix and entire can of bondo at once!

I’ll get right into it.
I don’t think Asha’s parents killed hearranged for her abduction etc. I don’t think they were involved. I don’t think there was a groomer, I think the idea of a groomer risking picking up this girl at 3 AM on the highway after she snuck out of her parents house is too complicated. I don’t think a groomer would’ve risked it. There’s too much that can go wrong and even if everything goes right I don’t think a groomer would be confident a 9 year old could follow such specific insttructions given likely days in advance without blowing their cover. It doesn’t make sense to me, I highly highly doubt the groomer theory.
I think Asha left of her own free will and was picked up in a crime of opportunity. I think this is the simplest and most likely explanation.
Now, I can hear your screams through my phone- we have to establish a motive. What in gods name made Asha leave the house if the parents weren’t involved, if there wasn’t a groomer, if it wasn’t a kidnapping at the house.
You guys aren’t going to like this answer- but it’s because kids are stupid. Ok ok, that is reductionist. Here’s what I think:
Kids “run away” all the time. I did it like 3 times when I was young. This involved me grabbing a few things I could carry, going to the next neighborhood over or some woods I played in a lot, and hanging out for a few hours before my mom and brother eventually found me and took me home. The first time I hid in a tree and my big brother threw rocks at me until I came down. The second I was at a construction site 2 neighborhoods over on top of a dirt mound. The third time I don’t even remember but my mom beat the crap out of me LUL.
Again, kids “run away.” Most of you probably did something similar. So why do kids do this and why did Asha specifically do this? Typically I’d say it’s to prove a point. Now please, please put your mind in the head of a 9 year old. They are not thinking about things the way you are, they do not how to express their wishes and frustrations clearly- they often express them through surprising action, especially if they feel they aren’t being listened to.
Pretty sure the couple times I ran away I was mad at my mom about something and wanted to “show her” how serious I was, or whatever. I wanted to prove a point, to teach her a lesson. To show her what life would be like without me. As an adult you understand that is silly, but kids carry out this exact thought process ALL the fucking time. I’m telling you.
I think Asha planned on leaving that night to prove a point. I think she planned on walking to school and by the time she was there class would be getting started. She probably didn’t think the walk was that far because the bus ride wasn’t. The school was right down highway 18. I don’t think the weather was as bad as people say, the power was confirmed to be out due to a car hitting a pole down the street- the storm didn’t cause it, it was back on at 12AM. I’m looking into it but I’ve read the rain was more of a drizzle in the early morning, this wasn’t a monsoon. The school was in the direction she was “seen” walking. She had with her a backpack with a basketball uniform, a white pair of pants with a red stripe, a white flittery top, a pair of dressy black shoes (like flats), her purse, a few dollars, her house key, and I think a couple other clothing items.
I think the book that “wasn’t hers” but was checked out at the school was just something she grabbed at school or was given to her, I think she probably got the New Kids shirt at a sleepover or something. Kids have random shit all the time with no explanation where it came from, this wouldn’t be out of the ordinary. The items were not even disclosed until like 15 years later, I don’t think the kids that gave her those items would even remember it.
I’ve read that Asha’s parents were supposed to meet with a Real Estate agent that Monday. She had just been to a friends sleepover. Maybe she was scared she was moving away from all her friends? Maybe her parents were being strict and not letting her do things so she wanted to show them she was capable or serious? It may sound stupid but this is the way kids think sometimes. If they aren’t being heard verbally they will do something totally out of character to show you they mean business.
She planned on going to school, teaching her parents a lesson, and coming back home after or trying to stay with a friend, knowing if shit got too real her parents could find her at school and it’s the perfect little kid excuse that makes sense when you’re 9, “I was just going to school GOD. You really mad at me for going to SKEWL???”
I think she had a Valentine’s Day outfit in her bookbag that she planned on changing into at school.
I think once she got out there she got seriously disoriented, scared, and lost. I think she realized probably as she was going down 18 in earnest that she had made a mistake, as I did when I was her age in a tree as it started to get dark. I tend to believe the witness theories, and I tend to believe the shed narrative even though it’s not essential for my theory.
I think at some point (after the witnesses and shed if they ever happened, or very early in the walk if they never did) she was picked up. The person probably asked her what was going on, told her he/she would take her to school or back home. He/she could’ve told them they were with the police looking for her. There are a hundred ways to get that child into a warm dry car at this point. Asha knowing she was cold, lost, and in deep shit probably succumbed.
I don’t believe it was a local. I think there’s a chance it was a first time offender, or someone who decided in the moment. I think they probably fleshed it out, perhaps even thinking they could always do the right thing after picking her up if it didn’t feel right. At this point they weren’t breaking the law and could even be seen as a Good Samaritan. Picked the girl up- found out who she was, where she was going etc and then decided there would be nothing to connect this kid to them. The bookbag was tossed hurriedly, the body buried in another state or something, or by some insane miracle she’s alive locked up somewhere.
I know many of you think it was the parents, but I believe they’re cleared for a reason. I don’t think it was them. It doesn’t add up, there would be evidence.
I do not know why there would be no footprints. Perhaps she almost never left the pavement due to ditches on either side (there are) and a little girl not wanting to walk in the mud. Perhaps was picked up very quickly and the sightings/shed are both red herrings. But nothing else makes sense and all the other theories require so much complexity, assumptions, and luck that they don’t fit together. It is a tragic explanation but I think it’s the most simple and likely.
I pray that somehow against all hope Asha is alive and will be able to see her parents again some day. My heart weeps for this poor girl- because deep down I think she did what a million kids have done a million times but she got really unlucky. And I am so sorry to say that.
Source: Some Criminal Justice education and live 15 mins from Shelby.
Justice for Asha. We will never forget you.

The pirate Lurkership sat quietly, scanning passing cargo ships near a galactic jump gate, while effectively cloaked. "Scan complete, Capp'n. Major Gigafreighter design, registry name "Big Yellow", always mega tons of goods and colony stores on those, boss, my venom fangs are waterin'.. Are we a go?"
The pirate captain scratched his chin dreadlocks, an uneasy feeling creeping up his endoscales. "Big Yellow, ya say? Wow thats a rather informal, rather Earthy name. Hmm. scan for crew biosigns, looking for " Human" classification. I believe that freight mega Corp classifies them as 'valued deckhands'
The cobra headed centipede gave a side dictating glance at his Captains uncharacteristic uneasiness, and ran the scan. "umm like to be 2 humans on the crew, Cap, a deckhand Carl and a deckhand Bob on the liferaft emergency muster rosters. Only 2, out of a crew of 30,000. That should be no prob-"
"We are NoGo on this one, it goes in peace. No doubt about it"
The snake engineer hissed as it smacked in impale forearms on the console "why Cap? Why do you always pass, when there one of these Humans on board? Even if its only a few? What could they possibly be like or do, to warrant such avoidance? Now I just need to know!"
" in a word. Kidd, it would be 'fulcrum'... And that in their tool mastery eye, everything can be one. Come on, lets cool off in the Cantina, and we can talk about the time I was prisoner with a Human... Back in the Mantiloid Invasion"
"Wow, boss. I had no idea you were that ancient"
"Ha! And that just made the first round on you, lets go.
~~~~~~~~~~
" we were in this skirmish, back then. I don't even recall the battle, or the reasons behind it, but I was a nerd for one side, the human was a nerd for the other side. We had shot each others ship to scrap, each of us sputtering on no fuel, left to throw nasty jokes at each other o er the comments as we each slowly lost power. Then Human was actually quite witty,and funny, looking back at it. But then all of a sudden, we were both tractor beamed into what we later knew to be a scrapper grinder pit scavenger of the Mantiloid leading edge of their invasion fleet. Our ships were grabbed, stripped for parts, and we were both thrown in chains and tossed into the flaying funroom those frickin monsters have. I knew we were doomed, in for a horrific, bloody drawn out death. The Human, who was rather chunky, broad shouldered and densly muscled, with a scruffy braided yellow beard, didn't look too concerned, for some reason, and was looking around sharply, as if taking in every object in the room"
The captain paused, as if to gather his thoughts, tanking a huge drink. "So you actually spent some time in a room with one! Wow! Did he attack you right away?" Kidd asked, already deeply enraptured with the Captains story.
"Naw. We were 'cool with each other' at that time, some sort of 'common brotherhood in battle' thing that I can only admire. He also saw that I seemed to know more about our situation that he did, so he nodded with that little upchin nod they do to equals, and asked "so. How bad is this?". I nervously exp!wind that this was very, very bad. How the Mantoloids were cruel, alien, sadistic. How their version of fun was to cut and peel and spread apart prisoners' insides, to watch the insides wriggle as we scream in agony., and their art is to make such horror last for week, months before the prisoner dies"
Kidd paused, frozen in his species' body language of horror "by the DarkStar. I had heard of those monsters. Whatever happened to all of them?" He asked as the Captain tilted towards him a knowing look "Oh. Of course. You and the Human escaped somehow, and word spread. So hey! You are actually part of that legend? Incredibly cool, Cap!"
That Captain nodded. "Yup, so after I explained what we were in for, the Human never got really alarmed or scared, just nodded and said as if to himself "ok, so its That Bad" as he made little nods with his thick neck. But just then the Mantiloids flew open and they shoved in aggressively to inspect their new toys. As they stretched the prisoners limbs out, tearing at their clothes, removing pocket items and jewelry from us, the Human stood there, his eyes taking close, intense stares at the Mantiloid alien form; the elbow joints, their hip joints, the head attachment to the thorax. The gaze was intense and oddly, coldly critical, as if studying their bodies for a test they didn't really care for. It was VERY off putting, making the Mantiloid stripping him pause and back away in unspecified alarm. It was so creepy, that studious look, that it alarmed even me as well. I would dearly not want to be ever under that gaze myself. Never ever, Kidd, especially after what happened later"
Kidd sat quietly, enraptured by his Captains every word.
" after they left, backing away from the Humans intense stare, the Human stood up and started tugging on his chains "how many on board, do ya think?" He asked me quietly. I informed him it was typically just the three that we saw, But couldn't be certain. He nodded then grabbed the chain that ran from his neck to a loop on the deckplate, he threaded his elbows around the chain in front of him, then spun to have the chain wrap over his his as it pulled tight, with his legs still slightly in a squat. As he took a few deep breaths, I asked him what he was doing, or hoped to accomplish.
He said " gotta line the whole chain up..." as he said and made a face as he strained to stand up fully. there was 'ting!' As he sharply hopped up on his feet, holding up the broken grain with a grim smile "... To find the weakest link"
Kidd slapped a talon on the table "oh is THAT why you line everyone up to always find the thief?"
The drunken Captain nodded wisely "her damned right. I learned a ton of important lessons that day. So the he moved around the cell, picking up a pipe, and a block of ferroresin. He came over to me, to break my chain. I shook my head, stating that I'm not quite as strong as he apparently was. He show his head, and said ' you don't need to be very strong, if you've got the angle as he jammed a pipe under the chain floor ring, "... and leverage, as he pulled on the pipe, but my anchor held strong. The Human shook his head and grinned " or, failing that - a handy Fulcrum", where he put the ferroresin block under the bar, and this time see saw pushed the pipe, to lever the angle up, it tore smoothly out. The Human looked at me and actually grinned... As if he was having fun, or something."
Kidd blinked in surprise "but you were still locked in the cell, how were you going to get out?" He asked with as baited breath as his alien form could muster.
"that's exactly what I asked him. Like... Well, now what are we going to do? And kid, I can say this with a clear conscious; I felt shivers down my spines when the grin left his eyes and he said honestly, flatly " well, when they come back in I could just kill them all"... Yeah. yikes. I couldn't yet see how, but I tell ya, I believed him. He then asked me "killing is bad in Galactic Citizenship, but I feel under the circumstances that-" I assured him that it was well within Galactic Law. He then asked me if we got free could I fly this ship to a Galactic Hub Station. I nodded
And with that he nodded, and stood back in his chained up spot when he heard the cell gate jangling. As the Mantiloids entered with wicked glee in their eyes, holding many sharp and jagged torture devices, the Human just surged into the three with his entire bulk, not a care at all for the sharp blades and spikes that inevitably stabbed him in the process. He shoved the central alien hard to the cell gate, as his two arms whipped out to the sides almost too fast to see, and grabbed the other two bugs, just under their 'chins' in a solid closed fist around their narrow 'throats'. As their torture implements flailed around in their panicked alarm all over the Humans arms, chest and face, he grimly lowered his chin to protect his throat, then, with each closed fist, began to tilt his thumb forward, and with a sickening clicking POP! both of their heads flew completely off, and they fell, instantly dead. The third Mantiloid, keening in terror, was scrambling to pull its sidearm out, to aim it at the Wildman going berserk on them. But the bloody human surged in and full body pressed the bug against the gate. As he grimly held the bugs weapon off to the side, while his other hand hooked behind the necks apparently 'Redbull can' diameter "stupid bugs. Its never the monster you know..." As his hand closed tight fully encircling, and tilting backward- the bug already going into shock, "... Its the Monster you didn't know, that gets ya. And as a wise man once said, 'all it takes is JustOne Bad Day'."
Honestly kid, I have never seen anything so terrifying and simultaneously metal in my entire life. When it was all over, the Human ,badly cut up,began ripping rags to make bandages for his many cuts and punctures. I was amazed he was still functional, and stated as such, but see just grinned and shook his head, " see? not so bad" as many of his fine cuts had already scabbed over, and stopped bleeding.
As we searched the bodies for the key to the cell door, it appeared to be bio locked, needing a living crew mate to unlock. Oops. The Human didn't mind, and began explaining angles and fulcrums; how everything has a best/worst angle of incidence, and everything, literally everything is a Fulcrum. As he tore the cell door off by the hinges, the blast doors securing the command deck, the console cabinets securing the flight controls, I got first hand view of the Humans rightly deserved Masterful Tool Use, give a Human a sturdy strut spar and a fulcrum to place it on, and a Human can indeed disassemble the world"
By this point the Captain was done for the day and promptly passed out right there on his favorite cantina stool. As crew mate Kidd returned to his cabin, he was researching Humans on the Galactic pirate and anti pirate MetaNet. He was equally impressed, amazed, and horrified. The certainly didn't look to be all of this at first glance, that was for sure.
He then looked up the Mantiloid extinction, with its typically unclear cause, (but obviously it was the Humans) and raised his eyebrow ridges in surprise "huh. Even less time than the DragonCat extinction"

Player vs. Player, or Competitive PvP, whatever you prefer to call it, is in quite a dire state. I think it's imperative to understand where we're coming from before moving into a new game mode, or the mistakes of the past will respawn at the nearest waypoint and come to bite us in the ass.
But first, a short story lesson.

Know the past to understand the present

Before delving into the game modes, we have to consider the two rule-sets they work within:

• Standard: Based on points, whoever reaches the point cap first wins the match (usually 500), if the timer runs out before that, whoever has more points wins. There's three standard game modes: Conquest, Murderball, and Stronghold.
• Arena: Based on rounds, whoever wins more rounds wins the match (best of five). There's only one arena game mode: Team Deathmatch.

Now into each game mode, strengths and weaknesses:

• Conquest: The first and most prevalent PvP game mode, 5v5 based on capturing and defending points, with different special objectives for each map. Some people love it, some people hate it, but way too many people ignore the capture/defend gameplay and fixate exclusively on murdering each other. Available at ranked, unranked, and public arenas.
• Murderball: The original attempt at 5v5 Team Deathmatch. Only available through public arenas. It was a spectacular flop, and most people don't even know it exists (raise your hand if it's the first time you hear about it lmao).
• Stronghold: The failed 5v5 MOBA-esque game mode. It had good ideas, but I'd wager trying to be too different is what ultimate killed it. Available at unranked and public arenas.
• Team Deathmatch: The second attempt at Team Deathmatch, now downscaled into 2v2/3v3. It worked quite well, and got to grow its own fanbase; or it would had, if it weren't exclusively limited to ranked, and only during active season periods, which only last about a week or two.

If you asked me, Conquest and Team Deathmatch are mostly fine (as game modes, more on maps later). Murderball is a lost case, but Stronghold could be reimagined and repurposed into the new game mode, instead of having it start from scratch.

Three game modes to rule them all

I think the primary goal should be to condense existing game modes into one per team size, for a total of three:

• 2v2/3v3: Team Deathmatch. Stick with either one team size or the other. Needs more maps.
• 5v5: Conquest. Rework Spirit Watch once and for all, and restore Raid on the Capricorn, even if it's just for public arenas.
• 10v10/15v15: Stronghold, reworked with larger maps, and geared around Guild vs. Guild. Make it a real MOBA with three bidirectional lanes, the formula works, stop trying to reinvent it.

Now, the first problem we run into, is the 5v5 dominance of PvP queues. Instead of two queues (5v5 Unranked and 5v5 Ranked) we would move into three queues, one per game mode:

• Team Deathmatch deserves its own queue, and has for quite a few years now. There's lot of people who love killing each other, but hate all the busywork around Conquest. Let them enjoy PvP on their own way, and stop forcing them into Conquest, where all they do is ingore the capture/defend gameplay.
• Conquest shouldn't have two different queues for Unranked and Ranked, it should have a single queue, with an on/off checkbox for skill rating (no points won/lost). For everything else, public arenas are there, for everyone to enjoy.
• Stronghold would get the third queue slot. Being larger in size, you'd be able to queue as a squad.

Speaking of public arenas, they haven't been updated for almost a decade now. Neither Djinn's Dominion nor Team Deathmatch are anywhere to be found, restricted to custom arenas alone (the ones player pay for). All maps should be featured there, no exceptions.
As for custom arenas, I'd personally give guilds an option to host theirs, in exchange of favor and/or aetherium instead of gold. Additionally, allow activities to be hosted in custom arenas as well.

New game mode, same old problems

Look, he's gone far again; alone. The other guy doesn't stop raging; nevermind, he went AFK. Sounds familiar?
How do we solve this problem? Punishment should be fine, right? Wrong.
There's a reason why people AFK and throw so much: Rewards. Put simply, they suck. What's the difference between 0-500 and 499-500? The time you wasted, because the reward is pretty much the exact same garbage. Guild Wars 2 as a whole has a problem with progressive rewards, but nowhere are they more damaging than in PvP itself.
How do we solve this issue? We make rewards good enough so player still keep playing, even if defeat is inevitable. No need to solve a problem, when we prevented it from happening to begin with.
Still, what about lone wolves who only think about their own rewards? Well, about time we make top stats based on team performance instead of individual performance if you ask me, PvP is a team-based game mode, teamplay should be key, lone wolf behaviour shouldn't be rewarded in any way whatsoever, specially when it doesn't contribute to the team.
Here's how I would do it:
Conquest

• Winning team: 9 pips.
• Losing team: 0-9 pips, calculated like this: round(loser_point_score / winner_point_score * 9).
• Top stats: 0-6 pips for the top perfomer for each top stat (damage, healing, kills, revives, capture, defense).

Team Deathmatch

• Winning team: 6 pips.
• Losing team: 0-6 pips, calculated like this: round(loser_round_score / winner_round_score * 6).
• Top stats: 0-4 pips for the top perfomer for each top stat (damage, healing, kills, revives).

In this pip distribution scenario, players are encouraged to fight to their last breath, being rewarded accordingly. Even if you're losing and there's no way you can come back, you can still fight for greater rewards, all while making the other team fight for their victory.
Additionally, I'd follow WvW's example, and spread PvP League Track rewards across each tier, instead of locking the whole reward behind the final chest of each track. It's quite often for casuals to miss on many of the better rewards, just because they can't dedicate as much time as they would like to, and this would be a great way to make them feel their time is well spent on PvP, while it wouldn't make a difference for veterans anyway.

So many so far

Here's a list of all released maps so far, for reference:

• Conquest #01 - Battle of Kyhlo (2012-08-28)
• Conquest #02 - Forest of Niflhel (2012-08-28)
• Conquest #03 - Legacy of the Foefire (2012-08-28)
• Conquest #04 - Raid on the Capricorn (2012-08-28) (removed)
• Conquest #05 - Temple of the Silent Storm (2012-11-15)
• Conquest #06 - Spirit Watch (2013-02-26)
• Conquest #07 - Skyhammer (2013-07-09)
• Murderball #01 - Courtyard (2014-04-15)
• Stronghold #01 - Battle of Champion's Dusk (2015-10-23)
• Conquest #08 - Revenge of the Capricorn (2016-07-26)
• Conquest #09 - Eternal Coliseum (2016-09-20)
• Team Deathmatch #01 - Hall of the Mists (2017-06-20)
• Team Deathmatch #02 - Courtyard (2018-03-03) (recycled Murderball map)
• Conquest #10 - Djinn's Dominion (2018-11-13)
• Team Deathmatch #03 - Asura Arena (2018-11-13)
• Team Deathmatch #04 - Auric Span (2019-08-13)

Yep, last new PvP map was 5 years ago.

Last words

Aaand that's pretty much it. I'd say PvP needs a few new exclusive collectible rewards as well, its own PvP weapon set would be a good start (WvW has Hero's weapons, which can be upgraded into Mistforged Hero's weapons), followed by its own set of lockboxes (Fractals and WvW have their own). An infusion for those who hate everyone else's eyesight would be nice as well (just kidding; actually, no).
Time for a short rant: I kinda hate how much attention festivals are getting lately. During these last years, some individual festivals have grown so much in rewards they're exceeding multiple Living World seasons combined; like, Dragon Bash, alone, has more rewards than LW1, LW2, and LW3, combined.
Just saying, but maybe you (ArenaNet) should spend those reward resources into the permanent game modes, you know, the ones we play all year round; or rather, played, because they haven't been updated with new rewards since forever, specially PvP (last exclusive PvP reward was back in 2015 or so) and Fractals of the Mists (which don't even have their own armor set). That's it, rant over.
Back in track, if they wind up using Stronghold as the template for the new game mode (not saying that's what they should do, I just think it's the best approach) some new Mist Champions would be nice too. Sieran and Forgal, for the sake of justice, and some memelords, like Palawa Joko (bonus points if he talks shit to Turai when the face each other in battle).
I know some people will complain about spreading the small population, but that's a snake biting its own tail non-problem, build a better PvP with better rewards (not just gold, collectibles too), and people will just come naturally, no different than back in 2012 when no one knew what the hell they were doing. Personally speaking, I know many players who love PvP but despise Conquest, so they just organize their own thing at WvW, not because they like to, but because it's the only alternative.
So yeah, thanks for reading, I guess, feel free to rant below, no dishonor here lmao.

Hi all,
I took my first international posting late last year. It's mainly fine, but definitely more of a bilingual school masquerading as an international school.
However, the department lack any real resources, or even a consistent syllabus. I find this odd as it is a four person department. I am now being expected to produce schemes of work a term ahead of schedule. I teach five grades. As I was essentially dropped into the first term with little direction (here is the website for the system we are using and a book to teach a week before lessons start) I am doing a lot of this planning on the hoof. I am expected to have ten schemes of work done in the next week.
My background is the British stystem, where resources are centally planned with basic resources during gained time/INSETS/the holidays and then adapted for differentiation by individual teachers, so this is a bit alien for me. Anyone have any experience or advice with this?

So for background, I’m a female, age 14. I have depression, Anxiety, and probably undiagnosed OCD. before COVID I was in 4th grade life was pretty good, I had lots of friends and really good grades (A’s and B’s) I even had a crush. Of course, I still had problems like my parents were and still are divorced, my dad was hardly around and he's also a narcissist, but that's a story for another day. So when we went on COVID lockdown it was spring break 2020 (4th grade) at the time we all thought it was going to pass but of course, it did not lol. Fast forward to the start of 5th grade, still haven't seen anyone for like 5 months. During this time I was doing virtual learning, at first, I was like “I'm so happy I get to stay home and not go to school.” (Now, knowing what I know, I regret saying that lol.) Then my grades got very rocky and I would not turn in my work on time. When my class was in Zoom meetings have my camera off, I would sleep in a lot, so when school opened up again my mom and teacher wanted me to go back to school. My grades got a bit better but lots of my friends were still doing virtual learning, luckily I had 2 friends there but wasn't that close to 1 of them. The crush I had also was back at school but I started to not like him cause he dressed like a grandpa lol but anyway. In my school, they usually have a big 5th grade celebration which everyone in my grade including me was SO excited for. But of course, we didn't have it because of the stupid pandemic, everything we were waiting for just never happened. That summer was very isolated so my anxiety got a lot worse ( I've always had anxiety since I was young and my mom and I think is OCD.) Going into 6th grade I was ok at first then things went really downhill. I had a hard time making friends and naturally, at the age of 12, I was pretty insecure. I started sleeping in on purpose and trying my hardest not to go to school, I started having lots of mental breakdowns in the mornings ( it was not like I was being bullied or anything like that, I just hated it so much to the point of suicide thoughts and self-harm and it seems dramatic and like I'm overreacting but I do have a backbone it's just how I felt at the time), in the result of that I missed lots and lots of missing and tardy days( I feel really bad about it and so sorry for how much stress I've put on my mom). Because of this, I had so many missing assignments and F’s, D’s, and at most C’s. You are also probably wondering “why I didn't just do the the school at home to catch up”, and I would say “Well gee that's a great idea, I wish I thought of that” At this time all I wanted to do is stay in bed all day and only get up to eat and use the bathroom. As I was saying, I struggled a lot during that school year, so I suggested to my mother that I do HOME SCHOOLING. (rookie mistake lol)

 The start of 7th grade!!! I had so much relief from knowing I didn't have to go back to that middle school. So I joined a certain virtual school and I signed up for the 4 core classes and even an elective, so I had 5 new teachers. I also started therapy for my depression and anxiety at this time. Balancing those classes while being at home was quite challenging for me and I had a lot of distractions while being home. (My sister and probably YouTube were major distractions for me.) although I had a therapist, I still struggled with depression and still have not learned my lesson, and I was not doing my assignments for all the classes on time so I dropped 3 of my classes so I was left with 2 core classes. Then I got kicked out of a class because, you guessed it, i didn't get an assignment done in time. So I was only left with my math class. It took me FOREVER for me to finish that course (like over a year). I finished my math class at the end of last year. I also got a new therapist (because my last one left the company or something like that) early last year and he’s really been a lot of help but I still needed more help so I got on antidepressants and it helped a lot. I'm currently facing the challenge of still being in 7th grade. I'm only in my 2nd class of the virtual school grade. I also have NOT had barely any social interaction with people my age for like over 2 years. I'm supposed to be going into 9th grade now and I regret even going into virtual homeschooling in the first place. And I know it sounds dramatic but the agonizing feeling of knowing I might have to go into a grade under the grade I'm supposed to be in, will drive me into self-harm or worse (I know this will be the case because I know my self and its something that has happened already) . Everyone in my life right now is telling me that I need to just go into 8th grade so I can interact with kids my age but they aren't my age, they would be much less mature than me and I don't want to go back to that school (I can't change my school btw),they just don't understand. 

Long story short I need some sort of advice or ways to help me in this situation:)
(I've been mature pretty much all my life and most of my time being out of school I have mostly spoken with people my sister's age, 18, or my mom's age, middle-aged.) Also none of this is anyone elses fault apart from mine lol.

participate in my research study. We are looking for either international high school students residing in home stay or children in grade 4-5 to participate. You must be residing in Canada to participate
The purpose of the current project is to explore the linguistic and cultural changes in children, adolescents, and adults with immigrant backgrounds. The study aims to look at the changes in heritage language use as well as skills and changes in English proficiencies.
The study has 3 phases with a span of 6 months. For compensation, you will get a 15$ gift card after the second phase and another 15$ gift card for the third phase.
The study will include a 15 min online survey and a 15 min Zoom session with the researcher. Please contact me if you’re interested.

Hi everyone! I’m looking for participants who speaks another language other than English as their first language to participate in my research study. We are looking for either international high school students residing in home stay or children in grade 4-5 to participate.
The purpose of the current project is to explore the linguistic and cultural changes in children, adolescents, and adults with immigrant backgrounds. The study aims to look at the changes in heritage language use as well as skills and changes in English proficiencies.
The study has 3 phases with a span of 6 months. For compensation, you will get a 15$ gift card after the second phase and another 15$ gift card for the third phase.
The study will include a 15 min online survey and a 15 min Zoom session with the researcher. Please contact me if you’re interested.

Chris recaps Episode 5, in which the teams had to make their way through a sand maze, and the Foxes got their first win, which means Serpents got their first loss, and unfortunately, we had to say goodbye to Wayne for his outside voice, and his idea of racing with Raj, and losing because of a little sand in his eye. Let's find out who goes next.
Intro Plays like Usual
Raj is then waking up smelling Wayne's lucky jersey, and he sees Bowie looking down feeling bad, Raj asks where Wayne is, and Bowie takes a moment to prepare to tell Raj what happened. He tells Raj that Wayne was voted off, and Raj doesn't take this well, and starts crying using Wayne's lucky jersey as a tissue, Bowie tells him that he wanted him to tell him to give it his all, and that he is just as capable without his captain and his best friend is as a hockey player and a contestant. Raj thinks hard about this. Bowie then walks out of the foxes cabin and runs into Emma and Caleb who are seen whispering to each other, Emma tells him that Caleb was asking for phone numbers, which got her excited since she never got his at his season 1 elimination, besides he only had Priya's number and wanted to keep in contact with some of the other contestants so they can talk to each other outside the show, he was actually looking for Millie to see if she had any spare paper from her book to write numbers on. Bowie asked Caleb if he was cheating on Priya with Emma, Caleb is offended by it, but Bowie says he's just kidding and can't take him seriously when he's angry or upset, Caleb can't help but laugh at the way he sounded. Bowie hasn't seen Millie, but once he gets the paper, he'd love to give him his phone number, he'll even write down Wayne and Raj's numbers too. Bowie then asked Caleb if he could talk to Emma alone, and he agrees and goes off to find Millie. Eventually we see Nichelle telling Axel that she figured out what Julia's weakness is and that it's that she likes MK but is too proud of herself to admit it, and Axel doesn't think Julia would show affection to anyone, but MK seems to be the only contestant she has a positive opinion on, and Nichelle says that's exactly what they'll do to set Julia off. Emma starts by taking a deep breath and starts apologizing to the way she treated him, and ignoring him for most of Season 2, she goes on and on about how much of a jerk she was, and that she feels terrible for throwing away one of her only genuine friendships she ever had. Bowie can tell Emma was sorry, which explained why she offered to help Wayne and Raj out of the maize, to earn Bowie's respect back, He tells him that she has done more than that, she was smart, stayed strong, and was emotionally mature. Emma jokes that sounded familiar. Bowie then asked if she voted Chase at the last elimination, Emma says she didn't surprisingly, no hate to Wayne, but she thinks using Chase as a vote could help her in the game maybe learn a few things from a master strategist. Bowie admires Emma's strategy and thinks they could do something great with this. We then see Millie drawing in a new notebook in which she is drawing out the steps to help Damien finally tie his shoes, Damien then looks at the notebook, and with the pictures, it's a success, and Damien has done it, he's proud of it and that he is capable and now he won't have to worry about tripping, getting filmed by Chase, being laughed at, or getting stuck because some psycho stepped on the laces. Eventually Scary Girl comes in when he mentions psycho, and Damien screams and bolts out the room, Millie jokes that at least his shoes are under control, Scary Girl then asks Millie if she can recall a certain event from Season 1, that involved her, it was the same night as the one where she captured the skull, Millie remembers and Scary Girl warns her that she'll make sure she remembers and innocently skips out of the room. Caleb then walks in seeing Millie looking a little freaked out, Caleb is smart enough to know that Scary Girl was here, and he asked if she's ok, Millie says she's fine and Caleb changes the subject and asked how Damien is doing with his shoe tying lesson, Millie says that it was a success, and he's mastered it, Caleb is proud of Damien, and then asked to borrow a piece of paper, Millie gives him a piece of paper. She asked what he needs it for, but before he can explain, Chris announces its challenge time, Caleb says he can tell her later, he tells Millie to go find Damien while he gets his necklace since he forgot to put it on, Caleb hopes to get Millie and Damien's numbers too and maybe start a whole chat group outside the game. Hopefully after the challenge.
It then cuts to all the contestants at the bottom of the tallest mountain on Boney Island and that this challenge will be a race on the highest point on Boney Island, each team will have their own mode of transportation to make it to the top, each team will pick their mode of transportation to get the flags from a hat. Julia, Nichelle, Bowie, and Emma get Mountain bikes. Raj, Axel, Chase, and Damien get motorcycles. Millie and Scary Girl get roller skates. MK and Caleb both notice that there are no more vehicle cards in the hat, and Chris says that they will take to more natural mode of transportation, much to their disappointment. MK and Caleb for once both agree that Chris's treatment of them is slander, and Caleb tells her to not hop on his back like in Season 2. Chris then says each team must have all their members grab each of the 4 flags that mark 100 feet up the mountain, and it doesn't matter who grabs what as long as the team has 4 flags. Raj, Axel, Chase, and Damien race ahead. Julia, Nichelle, Bowie, and Emma start biking, Scary Girl skates fast like it's easy, but Millie struggles to keep her balance, so Caleb decides to hold his hand and they will go together. Chase attaches his camera to the back of his motorcycle so he can film himself, Damien tells him that not everything has to be filmed, since they are already on tv, Chase tells him he's just jealous he's got millions of followers, and he has none, Damien rolls his eyes, Chase eventually zips past Damien and grabs their team's first flag. MK eventually starts running but she hates running. Julia and Nichelle are in the lead, and spot the first flag and Nichelle shows off by riding the bike by standing on the seat and grabbing the flag flawlessly, Nichelle then sticks her tongue out at Julia. Meanwhile Raj and Axel are then shown riding their motorcycles, Axel notices Raj looking down and asks him to keep his eyes on the path, but Raj tells her that it's not that he isn't trying to not pay attention it's because he still misses Wayne and he's never competed without him there, Axel reminds him that she eventually was able to move passed Ripper's elimination and that he can do the same, it's not about competing with them, it's competing for them. That gave Raj a confidence boost and they sped up passing Chase and Damien and grabbed the second flag. MK is eventually able to make to wear the first flag was and wishes there was a faster way to get to the top, and eventually finds a moose and MK takes the opportunity as Chris said that she had to take the natural mode of transportation, and hops on the moose, while it was taking a drink, and carried on without the moose noticing her. The moose eventually gained speed when it spotted other campers and sped past them so she could get her team's third flag. They don't approve of MK's strategy, but Julia eyed her up smiling, Nichelle slyly tells her that she likes her and she knows it, Julia tells her that she was looking at the moose and how fast it was going, Nichelle knows Julia better than that. Millie and Caleb are then talking about how Millie wishes she was more fit like Caleb, and that if she did then this would be a lot easier for her, Priya's training her in Season 1 was a lot for her, Caleb agrees that Priya's training methods, or should he say her parents' training methods are too extreme for everyone to be able to do it the same, and tells Millie to play to her own strengths, like how he's very strong. Millie then asks Caleb what the point of asking for that paper, but before Caleb says it, a wind knocks Millie and causes her to go backwards on her skates and Caleb races after her. Chris announces that the Foxes have three flags, and the serpents have two, Caleb tells Millie they can worry about the paper later, and that they have a challenge to win, and Caleb eventually starts pushing Millie up the hill really fast. Julia and Nichelle are at each other's throats trying to knock each other off their bikes, saying they don't care if they win, they want to make sure that each other gets eliminated as they can't stand each other. Both of them eventually make each other crash into a bush filled with poison ivy. Scary Girl eventually passes them grabbing the third flag for the Serpents. MK is then seen almost at the top to grab final flag, but the moose eventually stops throwing her off and making her land in the poison ivy bush. Damien, Chase, Bowie, and Emma are all shown reaching the top and try to grab the Serpent's flag, but the flag flies away before one of them can grab it. Caleb and Millie are about to grab the flag as it's flying but Scary Girl pushes Millie back without Caleb noticing and once he sees Millie skating back down the mountain he chooses to run after Millie, instead of grabbing the flag. Eventually Axel and Raj make it to the top grabbing the final flag for the foxes and Chris announces the Foxes win the challenge. Raj and Axel high five. Nichelle, Julia, and MK are all too itchy to celebrate. Chris then tells the Serpents that he will see them at elimination. Damien comes by to help Millie up, and them and Caleb they all angrily eye Scary Girl for pushing her, and Scary Girl claims that was fun and wants to do it again, hopefully maybe with seeing some blood next time, which freaks them out.
Back at the Serpents Cabin, Bowie and Emma are talking about who they want to eliminate, Emma was thinking Scary Girl as punishment for pushing Millie, and that she's just too unhinged to be here. Bowie then adds that Chase could go, but...Emma jumped in that he didn't do anything too worthy of going and besides they need his vote to further their position. Bowie tells Emma that she's good. Bowie whispers to Emma the name of someone they feel needs to go. Emma's not too sure, and still feels guilty for having to eliminate Wayne and keep Chase, when he means well, while Chase doesn't. Bowie tells her to trust him, and that she needs to think with her head, Emma tells Bowie he's right, eventually Emma runs into the cabin to grab something, and then it cuts to the elimination ceremony.
At the elimination, the serpents all look nervous and Chef points out who's on the chopping block.
Millie: She wasn't too skilled on the roller skates, and that she was going more backwards than fowards.
Millie says that it was because of a certain something, wind and a certain someone she won't mention.
Caleb: He chose to save Millie from rolling down the mountain, instead of grabbing the flag for the team.
Caleb says that his heart was too big for his own good sometimes.
Scary Girl: She pushed Millie which caused Caleb to run after her, which cost them the game.
Scary Girl in a confessional says it's all part of the plan.
Now it's time to hand out the marshmallows
The following serpents are safe
Bowie
Emma
Chase
Damien
Millie
It was down to Caleb and Scary Girl.
The last marshmallow goes too...
Scary Girl. Which means that Caleb is eliminated.
Damien is shocked about how Caleb got more votes than Scary Girl. Bowie and Emma look guilty saying that it was best for their game. Caleb tells Damien it's ok, and that he knew he was going to get voted off eventually, he just wishes that he was able to get everyone's phone numbers, but he left the paper in the cabins, Emma then hands him the paper he got from Millie from the cabin with Emma, Bowie, Wayne, and Raj's numbers. Millie finally realized that was what the paper was for, and Caleb asks Millie to right her number on there, she does and then Damien writes his. Chase tells Caleb he's too much of a goody-two-shoes to get his phone number, Caleb rolls his eyes, and Scary Girl says she doesn't need his phone number, as she already knows where to find him at all times, Caleb then gulps, and then tells Millie to make Priya proud, and Millie smiles with a tear from her eye. Chris then tells Caleb it's time to go. Everyone except Chase and Scary Girl, waved goodbye to Caleb. As he walks to the casket, he says that is satisfied with how he played without Priya and that he's looking forward to seeing her, and hoping she's doing ok with her parents, and was happy to finally make more connections with the other campers. He climbs into the casket and off he goes.
Scary Girl has a confessional in which she says that her plan worked perfectly, since she's not quite done with Millie yet, and still felt her thirst for vengeance wasn't fulfilled enough to get rid of her and Damien's screams are too good of a reason to not get rid of him. So that only left her with Caleb, besides he's not as fun to scare as Millie or Damien, according to her.
Chris wishes that the elimination wasn't so sentimental but says that at least it's over and closes out by asking who will go next. Find out on the next episode coming soon.
Votes:
Caleb: Scary Girl, Bowie, Emma, Chase
Scary Girl: Caleb, Millie, Damien
EPISODE 1: NON-ELIMINATION
EPISODE 2: PRIYA
EPISODE 3: RIPPER
EPISODE 4: ZEE
EPISODE 5: WAYNE
EPISODE 6: CALEB
EPISODE 7: TBA
Remaining:
Serpents: Bowie, Emma, Chase, Damien, Scary Girl, Millie
Foxes: Julia, MK, Axel, Nichelle, Raj

For context I’ve just done OCR maths paper 4 and 5 (higher tier) and I don’t think I did very well, I probably only got maximum 20 marks on each paper, so perhaps 40 overall?
It’s mainly because
a) I never liked maths and consistently zoned out during lessons
b) I did do revision for maths but clearly not enough and not of good enough quality
c) I am shit at stringing topics together for more complex questions (I struggle to actually figure out what to do)
a) and b) are both my fault and I acknowledge that so I’m not going to whine about what I should’ve done as that’s a pointless endeavour.
Anyone know how many marks I need to rack up in paper 6 to pass? Historically I’ve done well on paper 6 so hopefully I can pull my grade back.
Let’s say I did indeed get 35 - 40 overall marks from paper 4 and 5 (I could’ve gotten much less) how many would I need to secure a 4 on paper 6?

Starbase 1, The Vault, The Federated Technocracy of Sol, Sector 4 of Sol Sphere, Venusian Orbit June 4, 5378UC -High Sub-General Alan Turing, Presiding Governor of The E'Torian Dyson Sphere
Alan was going over the yearly reports from E'Tor Sphere, preparing his annual report to MIlitia HQ, when the chime announced a visitor. 'Strange', he thought, 'Not expecting anyone.' He spoke, "Enter," and stood at attention as he saw Grand High Admiral Eryk Shimogawa of The Federated Technocracy Militia when the door misted away.
"At ease, Alan. I'm not here on business," said Eryk as he walked in, waving Alan back down as the door misted back into solid form.
He eyed Eryk as he sat, having just seen him yesterday for their monthly lunch in Paris. He straightened his uniform as he said, "Understood, Boss. Was there something you needed that we didn't discuss yesterday?"
Eryk spoke as he sat, "Yes, but this is something that I wanted to talk to you about. In person with the core you, not your puppet." He held up a hand before Alan could respond, "I know you're one in the same, but for me, as an emotional organic brain in a synthoid body," Alan playfully flipped him off, and Erky chuckled as he continued, "I wanted to speak to you."
Alan could understand that. Even as a full synthoid himself, he knew the value of directly speaking with the "Core Unit" of a being, "Of course. How can I be of service, Sir?"
He'd given up centuries ago trying to have Alan call him Eryk, "Alan, you're the closest thing I have to a child of my own, and I wanted you to be the first to know that I've decided to go through and Convert. I think it's time."
Alan had been expecting this for the last few decades. It was understandable, as Eryk had been born back in 4152, and at over 1200 years old, he was at that stage that a vast majority of Humans reached, wanting to end their physical existence. For a species who thought immortality was a goal, The Cache showed them that a solid millennium is the most tolerable life span. He was thoughtful as he asked, "I've been expecting this, Boss. I dislike admitting that, but it's true. You've never struck me as an adherent of The Novans."
Eryk agreed, never understanding The Novans, a small sect of Humanity that chose immortality and not Converting. Still, Converting was better than nothing, and he surely wasn't an Ender. How they could just let themselves not be saved was astounding to him and the vast majority of Humanity.
After the discovery of The Cache and the full employment of Memory Cores, Humanity had immortality at last, but found it hallow after a while. So, they started multiple projects to ensure no loss of knowledge, as well as mastering time manipulation via wormholes, they were able to map the combined historical knowledge of all of Human History, from each individual who'd ever lived, and store that collective knowledge into The Matrix. Once online, Humans could download themselves into it, or Convert, and join what has come to be known as The Overmind. When Humanity developed true Artificial Intelligence and Artificial Sentience, followed quickly by passing The Synthoid Rights Act, Humans asked their children to join them in The Overmind, whenever they wished. In time, The Novans would allow themselves to be downloaded, about once a century, to ensure to add to the whole while not self-terminating. The Overmind had no say in governance, but It does advise. As the literal combine knowledge of the whole of The Line of The Species, It has views and ideas no one Human could ever hope to have. It has helped guide The Technocracy, and ensured that Humans can grow, develope, and mature as a race in ways they never knew could exist. Housed in a station orbiting Earth, The Overmind keeps watch over The Mother World, and all in The Sphere.
Eryk pulled himself out of his musing, "Yeah, not a Novan. But for me, at this stage, I'm good. I've done it all, and then some. I'll be stepping down and retiring, so that will take about a year or so to get everything in order and train my replacement. And I'm sure they'll wanna throw me a helluva party before I go."
"You deserve no less, Sir. You helped establish The Coalition after The Hive-Imperium War, you guided The D'Luti from an Imperium to a Republic, avoiding another war altogether with the formerly conquered races, to say nothing of your efforts in old Hive Space."
Eryk smiled, "Alan, you will never cease to be my biggest advocate."
"You've been mine since I first applied to The Academy."
"Well, what can one expect from a fresh synth who decided to name themselves after The Father of Synthoids? You came into that campus with fires blazing, and proved us all wrong."
Alan bowed his head, "I'm honored you think so, Sir."
"Well, enough about that. We'll have time to talk the details later. Now, I am curious. How are our wards?"
Alan smirked, "Can't wait for the report?"
Erky had to laugh, "Guilty. But also, I've been keeping a close eye on your reports. especially these last few centuries. Do you really think they're going to break silence after all this time?"
"Absolutely."
"Explain."
Alan knew the tone, it was full business now. "Well, Sir, after their Shell Colonies started exploding in population, and they weren't confined to their fortress of a homeworld, The Leadership failed to account for societal drift. Even in isolation, the colonies were so spread out that The Leadership couldn't keep tabs on everything at once anymore." He pulled up a holomap of the interior of The E'Tor Sphere, "The Northern Colonies in Quadrant One and Three started actively advocating for independence and self determination. Quadrant Two colonies wanted to fight The Leadership, alongside a majority of The Southern Colonies. The remaining ones were torn between loyalty to The Leadership, or igniting a civil war."
"You said 'were'. What's changed?"
"The Homeworld is stirring. I'm seeing parallels to The Sino-Russo Winter of 2045, old calendar."
Eryk sat back, taking that in. The Sino-Russo Winter of 2045 was a massive shift in Old Earth history, when the old countries of New Soviet Russia and China, officially combined into The Sino-Russo Alliance, saw the full collapse of their government due to overextending themselves in their Lunar and Martian colonial efforts. This lead to said colonies trying new ways to operate in order to survive, which included opening trade with American Union, EuroFed, Afrikan Union, Oceanic, and PanAsian colonies. When families back home found out how little their government was doing to keep their loved one alive, The Sino-Russo Alliance collapsed in a matter of weeks. New UN forces tried to help minimize the disaster, alongside aid from every other nation who could help. Afterward, the government of Taiwan was able to re-establish itself in Beijing, reorganizing the country into The Federation of China. Russia ended up fully collapsing under its own weight. Everything east of The Urals gained independence and joining The Pan-Asian Confederation, while the rump of Russia west of The Ural joined The European Federation. However, beyond governmental and boundaries changing, the whole event of The Sino-Russo Winter directly lead to the formation of The Confederated Republic of Earth twenty years later, the forebearer of The Technocracy.
He asked Alan, "How long before we need to step in and assist?"
"I don't think we have to," replied Alan. "The colonies now exceed The Homeworld in terms of population, and it seems, influence. The Leadership is trying to hold on, as you'd expect. However, there are elements within who are being swayed by the arguments being presented." Alan held up a datapad, "I will be making an official advisement of an estimated contact by new E'Torian leadership within the next few decades, if not a century, at most."
Eryk thought about that. It has been, then, the recommendation of High Admiral Chaaya Shrivastava to establish the sphere and allow The E'Tor the chance to socially evolve in isolation. Ever the socio-anthropologist, she new that a closed system, once "infected" by new ideas, could not stop change from coming. And due to the VERY public failure of The Leadership at the hands of The FedTech, there would be no stopping the change. Chaaya knew that they could only do it in isolation, that the idea of the threat of their former slaves coming for them would only bring extinction for The E'Tor at the combined efforts of the races they abused and the zealot style nationalism that would sweep their society and culture. She argued, passionately, in front of the whole Parliament, that once we rebuilt Hive space, that the newly freed races would mount of war of revenge. And she was right, there was talk about that as the sphere was being built. That alone pushed The FedTech to move the sphere to their space, appointing themselves guardians of The E'Tor. Eryk had pushed back against the revenge idea. He argued as passionately as Chaaya with local representatives that revenge won't solve anything. It never does. And it took time, a lot of species level therapy, and seeing the results of war based on revenge. The FedTech share how they could only sit back, so long ago, and watch a now lost to dust empire fall to their slaves, only to have the slaves fight each other to mutually assured destruction. It took centuries to clean up the mess, and to debate how moral their Prime Directive was, and when it became both unethical and immoral to not act. These lessons, and the gentle hand of The FedTech lead to these races establishing The Allied Confederation of Spheres, with the understanding that moving forward was better than looking back. In time, they and The D'Luti Republic joined The Coalition as friends and allies. The FedTech sat back and watched, but also interacting more and more. But no matter, The E'Tor can never go back. The Confederation made sure of that when The FedTech left them to govern themselves.
He had a mission to finish. Conversion can wait.
"Alan, I will only Convert once The E'Tor are free and self-governing outside of our guardianship. I can wait a century or two."
Alan, somehow, surprisingly expected this, noting he'll have to think about that later. "Of course, Sir. I won't speak of it to anyone."
Eryk laughed, "Oh, no. I'll be alerting Parliament about my intentions and expectations, only after you submit your report." He straightened up in the chair, "Chaaya would want me to see this through to the end, I owe her that much."
Alan smiled gently, acknowledging the understanding between them. Chaaya was missed, having Converted about 400 years ago. "She'll be proud. I'm sure she's somewhere, looking down on us and laughing at the worry."
"Laughing from The Throne of Creation, I'm sure. You know she'd end up running the place!", both laughing at the image. Eryk wiped a tear from his eye, "Oh, I miss her. But, she was right about these people. We owe it to them to see them through this."
"Agreed, Sir," Alan said as he stood and walked over to the wall, "As much as I've enjoyed watching them grow, it will be nice to try something new." The upper two-thirds of the wall vanished, showing a slow turning metallic globe inside of a forcefield. "That said, It's been an honor to serve as their FedTech Governor."
Eryk stood, "Even after all this time, it still amazes me that they're all in there."
Alan nodded, amazed still at the idea of this truly massive construct being shrunk down to be under this level of security. But it made sense, from a Human point of view.
Eryk put a hand on Alan's shoulder, "To work then?"
"To work. Sir."

Part One Here!
Part Two Here!
Part Three Here!
Part Four Here!
Part Five Here!
Part Six Here!
Part Seven Here!
Part Eight Here!
Part Nine Here!
Part Ten Here!
Part Eleven Here!
Part Twelve Here!
Part Thirteen Here!
Part Fourteen Here!
Following a very hectic 2014 that saw both the highest highs and lowest lows of John Cena’s entire career, the Cenation leader has lost his chance to face Brock Lesnar at the 2015 Royal Rumble to Seth Rollins, with the Beast costing Cena a shot at a SummerSlam rematch. Now, if Cena wants to face off against the epitome of that which he resents, he’ll have to do it the old-fashioned way - by winning another Royal Rumble. He declares that he’ll be in the 2015 Rumble, joining the likes of Randy Orton, Samoa Joe, Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns and a returning Daniel Bryan in his plight.
Royal Rumble 2015
Earlier in the night, in a surprisingly competitive match, Brock Lesnar manages to defeat Seth Rollins to retain the WWE World Heavyweight Title, meaning he’ll be defending it at WrestleMania 31.
30 Man Royal Rumble Match
The ring is pretty full by the time Number 24’s countdown begins, with Daniel Bryan, Bray Wyatt, Dean Ambrose, Intercontinental Champion Roman Reigns, Cesaro, Goldust, Kane and Rusev all in the mix. However, once the timer hits zero, it’s John Cena’s time to shine, and he eliminates Goldust with a huge clothesline before he takes the fight to Cesaro, nailing an Attitude Adjustment, only to get into a scrap with Kane. However, it’s Bray Wyatt who pounces on Cena, maniacally fixated on the nine-time WWE World Champ, only for Daniel Bryan to deliver a RUNNING KNEE TO BRAY! He goes for the elimination, but Wyatt holds on as 25 comes out - STARDUST! The man formerly known as Cody Rhodes sprints down to the ring, filled with vim and vigor, and IMMEDIATELY GETS CUT IN HALF BY A SPEAR, ROMAN REIGNS ELIMINATING HIM WITH EASE! Rusev and Kane agree to work together against Cena, with Ambrose refusing to help John out with getting rid of the last remnants of the Authority. However, Reigns offers an assist (to the disgust of the crowd), throwing a few punches and standing alongside the Cenation leader as Number 26 comes down… THE BIG SHOW! Now it’s 3 on 2, and Ambrose reluctantly joins the fight, unable to leave his brother hanging. Cesaro also gets in on the action, surprisingly assisting Cena with the common goal of eliminating the Authority, while Bray and Bryan fight out on the apron in a precarious position… BRYAN WITH A HEAD KICK TO GET RID OF WYATT, ENDING THEIR LENGTHY BATTLE!
Lucky Number 27 is out next, and Philadelphia is happy to see the Viper make his way down to the ring, very much anti-Authority… but not too beloved by Daniel Bryan, who immediately lunges at him. Show, Kane and Rusev work together as a trio of titans, but Orton manages to take down the worn out Bryan before dishing out a HUGE RKO TO KANE, AND ANOTHER TO THE BIG SHOW, ONLY TO EAT A MACHKA KICK! Number 28 is Bad News Barrett, and he delivers a speech instead of entering the ring… until Number 29, Samoa Joe, comes out and beats the shit out of him. He drags Barrett to the ring, tossing him to the wolves for Bryan and Cena to work together and toss him out. Cena turns his attention to Joe as Orton eliminates Kane, and Reigns eliminates The Big Show, GETTING RID OF THE AUTHORITY COMPLETELY! Bryan and Orton go back to duking it out as Number 30 comes out… DOLPH ZIGGLER! The Survivor Series MVP runs in and dishes out a Zig-Zag to Cesaro, managing to eliminate the Swiss Superman! With the entrances complete, the remaining field is Cena, Orton, Bryan, Reigns, Ambrose, Ziggler, Rusev and Joe, a stacked closing lineup.
Reigns and Ambrose head to their own corner as the match slows down, planning to work together until the final two, while Joe and Rusev agree to team up against the rest of the lemmings. Cena doesn’t have many allies here, but Ziggler stands by his side, leaving Orton as the odd man out with his many enemies - but he doesn’t care too much, dishing out a series of RKOs before DANIEL BRYAN NAILS A RUNNING KNEE, TOSSING HIM TO THE FLOOR! Reigns runs up behind to go for the elimination, Bryan furiously throwing hammer fists as Roman tries to dump him over, and on the other side of the ring, Rusev looks to eliminate Cena, only for CENA TO PULL OUT A HURRICANRANA COUNTER TO SEND RUSEV OVER THE TOP FOR THE ELIMINATION… BUT JOE LOCKS IN THE COQUINA CLUTCH, CENA FIGHTING TO SAVE HIMSELF ON THE APRON! Ambrose comes to once more, shrugging and electing to try and eliminate Joe and Cena at once, dumping Joe to the apron before calling Roman over. Reigns brushes Dean off, too busy with Bryan, so Dean goes full send with a CROSSBODY, BUT CENA AND JOE CATCH HIM! They lift Ambrose up, Dean fighting free to also land on the apron, and it’s a mad scramble as they all smarten up and dive back into the ring to stave off elimination… EXCEPT FOR AMBROSE, WHO GETS HIS FEET SWEPT OUT BY JOE AS THE LUNATIC FRINGE TRIES TO ELIMINATE CENA! Ziggler is next out, tossed by Roman, and Bryan starts unloading on Reigns as we reach our final four of Bryan, Reigns, Joe and Cena.
Cena and Joe trade blows in the ring until Bryan finally lays Roman out with a huge head kick, and the rabid returning star goes straight for Cena and Joe, taking the fight to all three men. He sends Cena and Joe into opposite corners, heading to his own as Roman gets up in a third… CORNER DROPKICKS FOR ALL THREE, BRYAN SPRINTING AROUND THE RING AND RACKING UP AS MUCH DAMAGE AS HE CAN! HE’S ON A MISSION FROM GOD, THE CROWD CHANTING WITH EACH KICK AS HE TAKES DOWN CENA, THEN JOE, THEN ROMAN… TOSSES BRYAN OVER THE TOP ROPE, MUSCLING HIM UP AND DUMPING HIM TO THE FLOOR! Reigns lets out an exhausted chuckle, the crowd uncorking a torrent of boos as they realize Bryan isn’t winning, and it’s all because of the Big Dog. Joe charges at Roman, Reigns ducking under a clothesline and rebounding off the ropes for a SPEAR, BUT NOW CENA SPRINGS INTO ACTION TO ELIMINATE ROMAN! IT’S DOWN TO CENA AND JOE, TWO FORMER WINNERS, TWO TRANSCENDENT RIVALS! Joe struggles to his feet, Cena hoisting him up and landing a few punches, but the Samoan Submission Machine fires back with an onslaught of jabs, backing Cena into the corner before lifting him UP ONTO THE TURNBUCKLES! John fights back as if his life depends on it, doing all he can to not be hit with a Muscle Buster, but Joe simply SHOVES CENA OFF THE TOP ROPE, CENA HANGING ON WITH ONE HAND! Joe grabs the fingers, bending them back to break Cena’s grip, but the Cenation leader lands on the apron, heaving Joe over with him before HITTING A HUGE LARIAT, BUT JOE SOMEHOW STAYS UPRIGHT! Cena charges again, and JOE WITH A BIG BOOT TO SEND HIM STAGGERING BACKWARDS! Running in for a third time, Cena attempts something, but JOE GOES FOR AN ST-JOE ON THE APRON, CENA SAVING HIMSELF WITH THE ROPES! They both stumble slightly, and reach a silent agreement to make one last rush, SPRINTING AT ONE ANOTHER AND COLLIDING ON THE APRON… AND IT’S CENA WHO STAYS STANDING, JOE DROPPING TO THE FLOOR! CENA WINS THE WAR OF ATTRITION, AND WINS THE ROYAL RUMBLE! HE’S GOT A DATE WITH THE BEAST AT WRESTLEMANIA!
John Cena wins the 2015 Royal Rumble (1:00:32)
The reception in Philly is far from warm, chants of “NO” ringing out as Cena points to the WrestleMania sign, with Daniel Bryan, Samoa Joe and Roman Reigns all looking up at the winner.
Road to Fastlane 2015
Cena opens the show to a mixed reaction, but he takes it in stride, saying that he understands everyone wanted to see Daniel Bryan succeed. He asks Bryan to come out to the ring, and Daniel does, meeting him with a microphone. John says he knows Bryan was just returning after an injury, he’d been in the match far longer, he’s got a list of reasons a mile long as to why he wouldn’t be in tip-top shape, and he just wants to say that he admires Bryan - and if the fans want him to, he’d be honoured to defend his opportunity against him. “YES!” chants ring out, and Bryan holds up a hand, saying that he doesn’t want Cena to make excuses for him - he’s fought and won harder battles, but if Cena wants to wager his shot at the Beast, Bryan’s fine with that. Out comes the Intercontinental Champion, Roman Reigns, to an onslaught of boos. He says that he eliminated Bryan fair and square, and if anyone should be getting a shot at Cena, it’s the Big Dog, who wants nothing more than to become double champion. He’s risen up the ranks himself, he’s overcome the odds himself, he was returning from absence himself, everything that applies to Bryan applies to him. Daniel gets in his face, and the two start shouting at each other, everyone very much on Bryan’s side until Cena shouts that he’ll take on both of them. He’s been on a skid for a long time, and if he’s going to beat the Beast, he needs momentum. He needs to beat the best, and he wants to do so at Fastlane. Reigns and Bryan accept, and the next week sees Cena and Bryan team up to take on Reigns and Ambrose in a tremendous tag team main event - which ends up thrown out as Reigns and Bryan brawl on the outside, the referee unable to gain control of the match. Cena and Ambrose start throwing hands, and it’s Samoa Joe who runs in, looking to attack Cena, only for AMBROSE TO LEAP ON JOE, STARTING A HUGE MELEE! Ambrose and Joe fight to the back, Bryan and Reigns re-entering the ring and Reigns trying to get a shot off on Cena, leading to an implosion as all three men start trading blows to close the show.
Fastlane 2015
Number One Contendership to the WWE World Heavyweight Title: John Cena vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Roman Reigns
After losing his shot at Brock Lesnar to Seth Rollins, you’d think John Cena would’ve learned his lesson, but he’s stubborn like that. Bryan and Reigns duke it out from jump, Cena not really wanting to take advantage and instead throwing himself into the fray as well, leading to a powerhouse exchange with Reigns while the smaller, more technical Bryan tries to use his wits to take down his menacing foes. Eventually, Cena manages to get Roman up for an ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE, BUT REIGNS DROPS DOWN AS BRYAN FLIES IN WITH A SUICIDE DIVE, SENDING CENA OVER THE DESK! Bryan scrambles to his feet… BUT ROMAN SPEARS HIM THROUGH THE BARRICADE! He rolls Bryan back in for a nearfall, and calls for a second Spear in the ring, only for BRYAN TO REVERSE IT INTO A YES LOCK! THE CROWD IS ELECTRIC, REIGNS STRUGGLING TO STAY ALIVE… HE ROLLS OVER, MUSCLING BRYAN UP FOR A POWERBOMB, BUT DANIEL FLOATS OVER, CENA DECKING REIGNS WITH A CLOTHESLINE! BRYAN WITH A HEAD KICK TO CENA! Roman gets up… RUNNING KNEE FROM BRYAN, BUT JOHN’S BACK UP WITH AN ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT TO BRYAN ONTO THE BIG DOG! HE COVERS REIGNS! ONE! TWO! THREE! CENA’S LOCKED IN FOR WRESTLEMANIA, BRYAN COMING PAINSTAKINGLY CLOSE ONCE MORE AFTER GETTING ONE UP ON ROMAN REIGNS!
John Cena def. Daniel Bryan and Roman Reigns (21:58) to remain the Number One Contender to the WWE World Heavyweight Title
Road to WrestleMania 31
Now that it’s official for WrestleMania, Cena has a few promo segments with Paul Heyman as Bryan and Reigns spin off into their own feud. Heyman talks about Lesnar’s dominance as a champion, how he won the belt by massacring Cena, but John says he learns quick in how to overcome struggle. Randy Orton taught him to not make the same mistake twice, and now he doesn’t intend to against the Beast. He’s not afraid to play smart, he’s not afraid to get hurt, and he’s not afraid of Brock Lesnar. The only thing he fears is falling short once again - and that’s exactly why it won’t happen. The next week, Lesnar is there in person for a contract signing, and he tries to impose his will on Cena again, lunging and looking to put Cena through the signing table, but CENA REVERSES TO DELIVER AN ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT STRAIGHT THROUGH IT! THEY’RE 1-1, BUT JOHN CENA’S SHOWING THAT HE’LL BE ABLE TO TAKE THE FIGHT TO THE BEAST AT WRESTLEMANIA!
WrestleMania 31
Elsewhere on the card, Daniel Bryan defeats Roman Reigns to win the Intercontinental Title, Sting defeats Triple H, Randy Orton defeats Seth Rollins, and Dean Ambrose manages to knock off Samoa Joe in a Falls Count Anywhere match. However, all that’s set aside for main event time…
WWE World Heavyweight Title: John Cena vs. Brock Lesnar (c)
While the crowd prefers Cena to Brock, it’s still not an ideal reaction to the main event. Despite that, after eight months of waiting, Cena’s raring to go, and he immediately rushes Brock as he did the time before, backing the Beast up and laying in the punishment before Lesnar slips behind for a huge German Suplex, announcing it’s “Suplex City, bitch” as the crowd starts counting. He hits another, and follows it with an F-5! ONE! TWO! THR-CENA KICKS OUT! Brock flips John over and approaches it like he did at Extreme Rules, elbowing him open before tossing him to the outside. He goes for a German on the floor, but Cena grabs the ring skirt, wrenching himself forward and dropping down to send Lesnar FACE FIRST INTO THE POST! BOTH MEN ARE BUSTED OPEN, AND NOW CENA’S ON THE ATTACK, TACKLING LESNAR THROUGH THE BARRICADE! He drags the ring steps over towards the timekeeper’s area, picking Brock up, but LESNAR SCALES THE STAIRS FOR A GERMAN SUPLEX OFF OF THEM, STRAIGHT ONTO THE ENGLISH ANNOUNCE TABLE! Somehow, it doesn’t break, but Cena’s in a bad way as Lesnar looms over him… BUT JOHN SCOOPS BROCK UP, DELIVERING AN ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT OFF OF ONE ANNOUNCE DESK THROUGH THE OTHER! He sends Lesnar back in, hooking both legs… ONE! TWO! LESNAR KICKS OUT! HE’S NOT HUMAN! Cena rolls over him, going for another Attitude Adjustment, but Brock slides off for ANOTHER GERMAN SUPLEX, HOLDING THE WAIST TO DELIVER THREE MORE! ONE! TWO! THR-CENA GETS THE SHOULDER UP! Brock calls for another F-5, Cena clearly worse for wear, but John has the wherewithal to drop down from the F-5 and LOCK IN THE STF, ONLY FOR BROCK TO GET TO THE ROPES! Cena stumbles to a vertical base, charging at the Beast, but LESNAR GETS HIM UP ON HIS SHOULDERS, ONLY FOR CENA TO GRAB THE TOP TURNBUCKLE AND PULL HIMSELF TO IT! Lesnar nails a forearm, climbing up with John, but Cena pulls out the big gun once again… A GERMAN SUPLEX OFF THE TOP ROPE TO THE BEAST, BUT HE’S TOO WOUNDED TO COVER! BOTH MEN ARE DOWN, BATTERED AND BLOODIED, AND - IT'S SETH ROLLINS! MR. MONEY IN THE BANK IS HERE, LOOKING FOR REVENGE AGAINST BOTH THE CENATION LEADER AND THE BEAST, CONTRACT IN HAND… HE’S CASHING IN! IT’S A TRIPLE THREAT MATCH!
Rollins charges in for a CURB STOMP TO LESNAR! ONE! TWO! THRE-LESNAR KICKS OUT! Cena’s struggling to get to a vertical base, and Seth lays him out with a superkick, scrambling to the top rope to attempt a CURB STOMP FROM THE TOP, BUT CENA WITH A FLURRY OF PUNCHES! HE’S GOING FOR AN ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT OFF THE TOP, BUT SETH KNOCKS HIM DOWN AND DELIVERS A PHOENIX SPLASH! ONE! TWO! THRE-LESNAR LIFTS HIM OFF OF CENA FOR A DEADLIFT GERMAN SUPLEX, AND NOW SCOOPS JOHN UP FOR A SECOND F-5! ONE! TWO! THRE-SETH MAKES THE SAVE! Lesnar staggers up to his feet, staring holes through Rollins, and the Architect immediately turns tail and flees, Lesnar giving chase. He finally gets his hands on Rollins, Seth throwing frantic back elbows before eating a GERMAN SUPLEX ON THE FLOOR! Lesnar slides back in, knowing Cena’s in far worse shape than Rollins himself, but John’s tenacity isn’t to be understated, throwing furious body blows to try and stave off disaster, only to be flung across the ring with a German Suplex. Lesnar gets him up for an F-5, BUT CENA OFF THE BACK AGAIN, DISHING OUT A LARIAT TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD! LESNAR’S STUNNED… ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT! LATERAL PRESS ON THE BEAST! ONE! TWO! THR-ROLLINS SPRINGBOARDS OFF THE TOP ROPE FOR A CURB STOMP TO CENA! HE COVERS JOHN… ONE! TWO! THREE! SETH ROLLINS HAS PULLED OFF THE HEIST OF THE CENTURY!
Seth Rollins def. John Cena and Brock Lesnar (19:42) to win the WWE World Heavyweight Title
Road to Extreme Rules 2015
While he’d normally be seething at being screwed out of yet another championship and yet another victory, Cena can’t even be mad. He tips his hat to Seth, saying he’ll get him back, but he knows Randy Orton’s already got a claim to challenge the Architect. That said, Cena’s heartbroken to not be walking out of WrestleMania with gold, and he’s honestly even more hurt that after all the work he put in, the fans weren’t happy to see him there. He knows that some people cheer, some people boo, and he loves and respects them all anyway, but… out comes Daniel Bryan, the new Intercontinental Champion. He says that he’s got respect for Cena, but the fact is that John’s talk of Hustle, of working harder than everyone, is something that Bryan’s done too. That’s why the fans gravitate towards him. They admire him walking into tough situations, not knowing if he’ll be able to rise to the occasion but knowing damn sure he’ll try. So, with that in mind, he wants to do just that - he wants to defend the gold against John Cena, because Cena beat him fair and square at Fastlane. They’ve both got wins over each other, and he wants to put it to bed… in a two out of three falls match. Cena accepts, saying he’s never held the Intercontinental gold, and it would net him a WWE Triple Crown if he were to win.
Extreme Rules 2015
Two Out Of Three Falls Match for the Intercontinental Title: Daniel Bryan (c) vs. John Cena
Opening the show is a damn masterpiece, with the hilariously over Intercontinental Champion Daniel Bryan forcing Cena to come off as the bad guy for the first time since he faced CM Punk in Chicago. Cena tries to keep the pace slow, but it’s a tough balance, as he also doesn’t want to get roped into a mat wrestling exchange with the champion. He keeps his focus on power, overwhelming Bryan with a wider array of throws and strikes, but Daniel lights Cena up with a series of kicks before going for a RUNNING KNEE, Cena narrowly avoiding it and reversing for an ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT, BUT BRYAN GETS A CRUCIFIX PIN! ONE! TWO! THREE! BRYAN SCORES THE FIRST FALL! Bryan gets up, elated, and EATS A LARIAT FROM CENA, WHO’S LENDING NO QUARTER! He’s right back on the attack, laying into Bryan with powerbombs and suplexes, and even hitting the first four moves of doom before calling for the Attitude Adjustment again, only for Daniel to land on his feet and throw a kick, Cena catching the leg to LOCK IN THE STF! BRYAN GETS TO THE ROPES! Bryan’s holding his leg as he comes up, and Cena goes for broke knowing the champion is slowed down, NAILING A SPRINGBOARD STUNNER? WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? Bryan doesn’t know what hit him, but he knows what comes next… ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT! ONE! TWO! THREE! Now with two falls behind them, they’re all tied up, and it’s a rush to the finish with both men throwing bombs. Cena hits a suicide dive, Bryan hits a scarier one. Cena hits a suplex, Bryan hits, well, a scarier one. Cena hits a powerbomb, Bryan can’t do that, with Cena hitting a hurricanrana before going for another ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT, BUT BRYAN SLIDES OFF HIS SHOULDERS, RUNNING PAST HIM AND DUCKING A CLOTHESLINE BEFORE REBOUNDING FOR A RUNNING KNEE! ONE! TWO! THREE!
Daniel Bryan (2) def. John Cena (1) (27:35) to retain the Intercontinental Title
Road to Payback 2015
Cena don’t go for a championship challenge: impossible. After falling short against Bryan, it’s dire straits for the Cenation leader, who applauds his opponent for putting up such a great fight. He says that he’s fought for the fans for half a decade now, but he understands why they love Daniel Bryan even more, because he’s a damn warrior - WAIT A SECOND! CENA WAS JUST JUMPED! The United States Champion, Rusev, lays into Cena with a Machka Kick before putting him in the Accolade, Lana standing alongside him as John goes to sleep. Lana says that Cena’s an idiot, fighting for the fans, fighting for the American people, because their respect and adulation will never be enough for him to survive the might of a man like Rusev. She says Rusev would have destroyed Cena at Survivor Series had Orton not pounced him like a coward (don’t mind the irony), and that he had to use new tricks to eliminate Rusev from the Royal Rumble - but he wouldn’t be able to make Rusev’s spirit die. He wouldn’t be able to take the United States Title away. He wouldn’t be able to make Rusev quit.
The next week, Cena issues the challenge, saying he’s sick of the United States Title being on the shoulder of a big Russian sympathizer asshole, and if Rusev’s so sure he won’t quit, well, Cena’s sure HE won’t, either. One of ‘em will have to, because at Payback, he wants Rusev in an I Quit Match.
Payback 2015
I Quit for the United States Title: John Cena vs. Rusev (c)
Rusev pulls up in a tank, leaving it by the side of the stage. We are back. This is a brutal affair, both men refusing to budge in the face of such an enemy. Rusev manages to land a series of Machka Kicks, but Cena won’t quit, forcing the Bulgarian Brute to get creative. He pulls out a chain, bundling it around Cena’s face before LOCKING IN THE ACCOLADE! Leaning back as far as he can, he gives John just the slightest bit too much room, Cena managing to fight from beneath and POWER RUSEV UP BEFORE DROPPING HIM, BREAKING FREE OF THE ACCOLADE FOR THE FIRST TIME! He grabs the chain, wrapping it around his fist and smashing Rusev in the face with it, breaking into a ground and pound before realizing Rusev isn’t quitting. He slides out of the ring, grabbing a ladder, but Rusev meets him on the floor, both men trading blows up the ramp before CENA HITS AN ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT ON THE STAGE, BUT RUSEV DOESN’T QUIT! Cena grabs the ladder, dragging it to the stage as well, but RUSEV WITH A BELLY TO BELLY ON THE STAGE! John finds himself on the edge of the stage, Rusev lining up for a Machka Kick, but CENA STOPS HIM WITH A LARIAT! He grabs the chain, locking Rusev to the ladder, and then RIPS UP PART OF THE STAGE GRATING, AFFIXING THE CHAIN TO THAT AS WELL! RUSEV’S STUCK TO THE STAGE, A LADDER STRAPPED TO HIS BACK! Cena hops off the stage, grabbing an American flag and affixing it to the tank that Rusev rode out before… HOPPING INTO THE TANK ITSELF! WAIT A SECOND! NO! NONONONO! THERE’S NO WAY! HE’S GOING TO SHOOT THE BULGARIAN BRUTE! Rusev looks forward, the tank’s cannon slowly pointing itself towards him, and RUSEV QUITS! MR. BING CHILLING WINS BY WAY OF TIANANMEN SQUARE, WINNING THE UNITED STATES TITLE!
John Cena def. Rusev (24:50) to win the United States Title

Part One Here!
Part Two Here!
Part Three Here!
Part Four Here!
Part Five Here!
Part Six Here!
Part Seven Here!
Part Eight Here!
Part Nine Here!
Part Ten Here!
Part Eleven Here!
We pick up in the new year of 2013, with John Cena making one more challenge to CM Punk’s throne at the Royal Rumble. After having spent 2012 failing to make headway against the Best in the World, this is his chance to finally overcome perhaps his greatest rival - as long as nothing else gets in the way this time. Cena talks about Punk’s history, even alluding to the history he had with Samoa Joe in TNA as a comparison - every step of the way, Punk has given him trouble and had his number, and this is Cena’s last chance to not only win a fifth World Title in WWE, but to make up for every failure and prove that nobody can ever keep him down for good.
Royal Rumble 2013
WWE Title; If Cena Doesn’t Win, He Can’t Challenge Punk Again: John Cena vs. CM Punk (c)
It’s Day 434 of CM Punk’s legendary WWE Championship reign, and since WrestleMania XXVIII, he’s held the gold as a tyrant. Much like at Night of Champions, Cena digs deep into the bag of tricks early, pulling out a lariat which very nearly earns three in the early going before tapping into his excursion in NOAH, pulling out a Tiger Suplex for a nearfall. Punk turns the tides with a well-timed thumb to the eye, following it with a high knee and bulldog combo that sends Cena reeling to the apron… BEFORE PUNK SLINGSHOTS OVER THE TOP ROPE FOR A DDT ONTO THE APRON, BOTH MEN CRASHING TO THE FLOOR! Punk hurls Cena into the steps, kicking his head into the steel before attempting a GO TO SLEEP IN THE RING, BUT CENA CATCHES THE KNEE TO REVERSE IT INTO AN STF! HE’S GOT IT IN DEEP, THE SAME MOVE THAT WON HIM THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE FROM CHRIS JERICHO, THE SAME MOVE THAT WOULD’VE BEATEN PUNK AT WRESTLEMANIA… BUT PUNK MAKES IT TO THE ROPES, ONLY FOR CENA TO DRAG HIM BACK, BUT THE CHAMP LANDS AN UPKICK TO THE EYE! Cena stumbles backwards, and Punk uncorks an IMMENSE SHINING WIZARD! ONE! TWO! THR-NOOO! He picks Cena up, taunting the challenger as he goes for a GO TO SLEEP, BUT CENA OFF THE SHOULDERS, NAILING A HURRICANRANA! PUNK DOESN’T KNOW WHERE HE IS, STUNNED, AND HE FALLS INTO AN ATITTUDE ADJUSTMENT! CENA ROLLS THROUGH, NAILING ANOTHER BEFORE HOOKING BOTH LEGS… ONE! TWO! THREE! JOHN CENA’S THE WWE CHAMPION ONCE MORE, HAVING VANQUISHED THE DEMON THAT’S HAUNTED HIS WWE TENURE!
John Cena def. CM Punk (30:37) to win the WWE Title
However, the night isn’t over for Cena, who posts up backstage to watch the Royal Rumble match taking place in the main event. Asked who he could see winning, he discusses Ryback, Daniel Bryan, Sheamus, last year’s runner-up in Randy Orton, the man who cashed in on him in Dolph Ziggler, or even a member of the Shield. After all, the field is something else this year, but he’s ready for anyone… or so he thinks, because he can’t anticipate Entrant Number 30 - Samoa Joe. Cena’s been champion for about an hour, having beaten the guy who had his number in WWE, and now he’s faced with the man who had his number in TNA. Commentary puts Joe over as having wins over the current champ, and, after a dominant performance, Samoa Joe makes history by winning the Royal Rumble in his debut, last eliminating Ryback with a Coquina Clutch hung over the ropes.
Road to Elimination Chamber 2013
Now holding the WWE Title for a fourth time, Cena’s certainly feeling the target on his back. He’s concerned about Samoa Joe at WrestleMania, and he’s virtually certain Joe will choose to face him, but first he has to get through the Elimination Chamber, where it’s announced he’ll defend the gold. CM Punk naturally gets a spot as well, and having beaten Cena in last year’s Chamber, he’s confident. The lineup fills out over the next few weeks, with Ryback, Chris Jericho, Daniel Bryan and Sheamus qualifying for the match, making for a difficult walk down memory lane for Cena against some of his most daunting opponents of his WWE tenure.
Elimination Chamber 2013
Before the main event, Samoa Joe has his first singles bout in WWE, picking up a big win over Randy Orton to strike some fear into Cena’s heart.
Elimination Chamber Match for the WWE Title: John Cena (c) vs. Chris Jericho vs. CM Punk vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Ryback vs. Sheamus
Without Laurinaitis to intervene, Cena doesn’t start off the Chamber this year, instead beginning in a pod and watching CM Punk and Daniel Bryan go at it. Bryan gets some big spots in to showcase his growth and babyface transformation, but Punk has the upper hand as Jericho enters at Number 3, turning it into a frantic, fast-paced affair as everyone tries to keep themselves from taking any major damage, while also looking to notch early eliminations. Cena’s in at Number 4, and the champ goes on a tear, making a beeline for Punk before managing to put away Chris Jericho with an Attitude Adjustment. Number 5 is Sheamus, and he and Cena get into a big, beefy slugfest out on the steel grating while Bryan and Punk go for technical eliminations in the ring. Soon enough, Ryback is in at Number 6, leveling the competition with a series of Meat Hook Clotheslines before going for a Shell Shocked on Sheamus, only for Sheamus to slide off and nail a BROGUE KICK, RYBACK KNOCKED INTO A SMALL PACKAGE BY PUNK! ONE! TWO! THREE!
Sheamus is comparatively freshest, and takes control with sheer power, muscling the competition around and delivering a White Noise off the middle rope to Cena for a nearfall, the champ staying alive and rolling to the outside. Punk tries to avoid confrontation, but when push comes to shove, he nails a head kick on Sheamus, leaving him prone for a MISSILE DROPKICK FROM BRYAN, FOLLOWED BY A GO TO SLEEP! ONE! TWO! THREE! Punk goes straight for Bryan with a Shining Wizard, but Daniel ducks and starts throwing roundhouses to the body, Cena entering the ring and getting clobbered as well as the crowd gets louder and louder, “YES” chants echoing as Daniel Bryan somehow keeps CM Punk and John Cena at bay by himself, capping it with two head kicks. He goes for the Yes Lock on Punk, but Punk manages to crawl under the ropes to avoid being able to submit, ONLY FOR BRYAN TO TRY AND LOCK IT IN THROUGH THE CHAIN LINK, BUT PUNK SMASHES HIS HEAD INTO THE CHAINS! He throws Bryan back into the ring, Cena popping him up into an ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT, BUT BRYAN LANDS ON HIS FEET! HEAD KICK TO CENA, BUT PUNK FROM BEHIND WITH A KNEE! GO TO SLEEP! ONE! TWO! THREE! IT’S JUST PUNK AND CENA NOW!
The excitement is palpable as Cena and Punk struggle to their feet, Cena the fresher of the two, but still having had his bell rung by Bryan a moment ago. Punk quickly goes for a rollup, but Cena reverses, going for an ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT, BUT PUNK OFF HIS BACK AND OVER THE ROPES TO THE OUTSIDE! Cena follows him out, Punk trying to close himself in a pod, Cena trying to muscle it open when WAIT A SECOND! SAMOA JOE! HE GOT IN WHILE BRYAN WAS EXITING, AND HE’S GOT JOHN CENA IN THE COQUINA CLUTCH! Cena has no answer for the submission, having been totally preoccupied by Punk, and he quickly fades before Joe drops him to the steel, Punk slipping out of the pod and rolling him into the ring while nervously looking up at Joe… ONE! TWO! THR-JOE BREAKS IT UP, AND NOW DELIVERS A MUSCLE BUSTER TO PUNK! WHAT THE HELL? HE DRAPES AN UNCONSCIOUS CENA OVER PUNK’S BODY… ONE! TWO! THREE! JOHN CENA RETAINS, BUT HE’S NOT EVEN AWAKE TO KNOW HE’S WON AFTER SAMOA JOE LAYS WASTE TO BOTH HIM AND PUNK!
John Cena def. Chris Jericho, CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, Ryback and Sheamus (32:03) to retain the WWE Title
Leaning over the champ, Joe’s got a simple message - he chooses John Cena at WrestleMania.
Road to WrestleMania 29
Naturally, Cena’s disappointed in not winning clean, something CM Punk immediately exploits on Raw, saying that if Cena’s a real fighting champion, he’ll put the belt on the line against him again. After all, John’s history against Samoa Joe is a lot like Punk’s - Punk can’t beat Joe either, so he’ll be giving the WWE Universe the gift of watching The Best in the World finally beat the Samoan Submission Machine by giving Punk a title match. Cena says that if Punk wants a title match… he’s got one, and if he wants his WrestleMania main event, he’s got it, in the form of a triple threat match. Out comes Samoa Joe, saying that he had no trouble laying out both guys at the Chamber, and he’ll have no problem doing so again in New Jersey. The buildup to this one is simple - these three loathe each other, and are all maestros on the microphone, making for some incredible promo battles ahead of their actual match. Cena discusses how much of an insurmountable obstacle Joe’s been for him, but he’s made a career of doing the impossible, and at WrestleMania 29 he intends to walk out STILL the WWE Champion, by never giving up and never giving in against the two toughest foes of his entire career.
WrestleMania 29
WWE Title: John Cena (c) vs. CM Punk vs. Samoa Joe
The 80,676 in attendance at MetLife Stadium are hyped as all hell for a triple threat clash of titans, with over a decade of history tying them all together. The match starts out with a quick homage to Joe’s famous three way dance with AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels, all three jockeying for control before Joe takes the lead, using his size and power to guide the contest. He delivers a thunderous Uranage to Punk, Cena saving the match before going for an ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT, BUT JOE SLIPS OFF INTO A COQUINA CLUTCH, FORCING JOHN TO DIVE OUT OF THE RING TO THE FLOOR FOR A CHAOTIC BREAK! It turns into a huge brawl at ringside, Joe piecing Cena up against the barricade before Cena turns the tides with a huge lariat, bouncing Joe’s head off the ring post and delivering an ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT THROUGH THE ENGLISH ANNOUNCE DESK! He scoops Joe up and lays him out on the Spanish announce desk, pointing to CM Punk, who reluctantly clambers to the top rope… AND DELIVERS AN ELBOW DROP THROUGH SAMOA JOE! Cena picks Punk up and sends him back into the ring, considering going for the cover but instead letting him get up before they engage in a masterful sequence of reversals in what’s essentially a rematch of last year’s WrestleMania. Eventually, Punk gets Cena up for the GTS, but Cena catches the knee to go for the STF, Punk countering with an enziguri before going for a PILEDRIVER, ONLY FOR CENA TO REVERSE IT WITH AN ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT! ONE! TWO! THRE-JOE BREAKS IT UP! HE’S INHUMAN! HE HOISTS CENA UP… MUSCLE BUSTER! ONE! TWO! THREE! SAMOA JOE JUST PINNED JOHN CENA TO WIN THE WWE CHAMPIONSHIP IN HIS FIRST WRESTLEMANIA MATCH!
Samoa Joe def. John Cena and CM Punk (25:48) to win the WWE Title
Road to Extreme Rules 2013
Raw kicks off with the Samoan Submission Machine celebrating his huge win, successfully felling two career rivals to win the grandest prize in the sport on the biggest stage imaginable. However, his celebration is quickly cut off by Cena, and while John acknowledges his defeat and says he respects Joe as champion, it doesn’t take long until a particularly vicious Joe barb sparks things off, and a huge brawl breaks out between the two. Cena says he wants his rematch for the WWE Title, and Joe says he’ll leave Cena laying on the mat, looking up at the lights like he was in New Jersey, while Joe stands tall, still the champion. John tells him to put his money where his mouth is, saying that they might as well go big - a Last Man Standing match, befitting the feud’s spectacle. Joe accepts, and over the next few weeks, he chokes his opponents out and continues to win by a referee’s down count, none of his foes able to get up before ten.
Extreme Rules 2013
Last Man Standing Match for the WWE Title: John Cena vs. Samoa Joe (c)
It’s Cena’s first Last Man Standing bout in WWE, but he walks into this one balancing his fear of falling short once more with his confidence that he can figure something out that he wouldn’t be able to in a normal match. However, he’s determined to beat Joe outright and cleanly, something Joe makes very difficult in the opening stages by delivering a SUICIDE DIVE, FOLLOWED BY A URANAGE ACROSS THE BARRIER AND A POWERBOMB THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE, BUT CENA’S UP AT EIGHT! Joe keeps the pressure on, spilling the fight into the crowd, where Cena starts rallying back with the fans by his side. He lands a flurry of punches in the stairwell, but JOE LANDS A HUGE BOOT TO SEND CENA DOWN THE STAIRS! Joe lines himself up at the top of the stairwell, READY TO LEAP, but he thinks better of it, running down the stairs instead and STRAIGHT INTO AN ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT ON THE CONCRETE! Joe is dazed as the ref starts counting, Cena setting up a few tables as he struggles to get to his feet at eight, and knocks Joe onto them before CLIMBING UP THE STAIRS AND LEAPING DOWN WITH A LEGDROP THROUGH THE TABLES! THE REF IS AT SEVEN AS CENA GETS UP… EIGHT… NINE… JOE GETS TO HIS FEET! WHAT IS IT GOING TO TAKE?
Cena picks Joe up, dragging him through the crowd towards the stage area, but Joe reaches out and grabs a chair from a fan before SMASHING CENA IN THE SPINE WITH IT! John is sent reeling as Joe goes back on the attack, delivering a gnarly senton and GOING FOR A MUSCLE BUSTER ON THE CONCRETE, BUT CENA DROPS DOWN TO GO FOR AN ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT, ONLY FOR JOE TO SLIP BEHIND AND LOCK IN THE COQUINA CLUTCH ON THE STAGE! He keeps it in for a long time, finally releasing the hold and shouting down to ringside to have his title brought over. At six, the gold arrives in his hand, and he lifts it high, standing behind Cena’s limp body as the ref counts… SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE… CENA GETS UP! Cena collapses again, but Joe’s merciless, SLAMMING HIM DOWN WITH AN URANAGE ONTO THE STEEL GRATING ON THE STAGE! He drags Cena over to the edge of the stage, and now tries for a DANGLING COQUINA CLUTCH, BUT CENA WITH AN ELBOW TO THE BODY! He sprawls out towards the LED screen, heading towards the backstage area as Joe makes his pursuit, CHARGING AT CENA WITH A TACKLE THROUGH THE LED SCREEN, A HUGE SEA OF SPARKS AND PYRO ERUPTIONS COMPLETELY OBSCURING BOTH MEN FROM VIEW! The replay shows Joe charging, and, in slow mo, shows Cena simply collapsing from exhaustion before impact, sending Joe through the screen alone as the referee counts both men out… SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE! TEN… BUT CENA ROLLED OFF THE STAGE BEFORE COLLAPSING AGAIN, TECHNICALLY REACHING HIS FEET! LUCK FINALLY WENT CENA’S WAY AFTER AN INSANE CAR CRASH OF A MATCH!
John Cena def. Samoa Joe (27:14) to win the WWE Title
Following the bout, a furious Samoa Joe struggles to his feet to hear the announcement that an unmoving Cena was victorious, sending him into a rage that ends with a MUSCLE BUSTER ON THE STAGE! Joe marches away, leaving Cena looking up at the lights for far more than ten seconds as he’s loaded onto a stretcher, the WWE Title draped over his body.
Road to Payback 2013
Having been brutalized by Samoa Joe, John Cena misses the next few weeks of TV - as does Joe, who’s suspended for his actions. However, he vows to be in Chicago to defend his championship, and, on Raw, Randy Orton wins a battle royal to contend for the gold, making for a first time ever singles encounter to headline Payback.
Payback 2013
WWE Title: John Cena (c) vs. Randy Orton
It’s Cena’s first match since Extreme Rules, and Randy Orton is perfectly happy to take advantage of the weakened, slightly rusty champion. Cena’s power is a lot to overcome, but Orton turns the tides in his favour with a draping DDT off the barricade, looking to follow it up with an RKO in the ring but being sent into the ropes and caught with a flying shoulder block. John starts rallying, delivering a second and going for a third before ORTON NAILS A SCOOP SLAM! He calls for the RKO again, Cena catching him and delivering an emphatic German Suplex, followed by a HUGE LARIAT THAT TURNS ORTON INSIDE OUT! ONE! TWO! THRE-NOOO! Cena calls for the Attitude Adjustment, Orton scrambling towards the ropes, but Cena pulls him away for an ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT, COUNTERED IN MID-AIR INTO AN RKO! BOTH MEN’S FINISHERS CONNECT, CENA LANDING ATOP ORTON… ONE! TWO! THREE! CENA RETAINS BY A HAIR!
John Cena def. Randy Orton (20:02) to retain the WWE Title
Road to Money in the Bank 2013
While it might not have been an easy win, or a distant one, Cena’s just happy to get back on the scoreboard properly, and he’s in his element over the next few weeks as he checks out various members of the roster, scoping their abilities. Daniel Bryan picks up a big win over Randy Orton in a street fight, the crowd rallying behind him, but he’s confirmed for the Money in the Bank ladder match, as is Orton himself, and a returning Samoa Joe. However, Cena doesn’t need to wait long to find a challenger, helping to commemorate a long career for Mark Henry before the salmon suit clad giant delivers a World’s Strongest Slam, declaring that he’s got a lot left in the tank, and wants Cena at Money in the Bank. Still beat up from his match with Samoa Joe and the cumulative injuries of his six World Title reigns in WWE over the past two and a half years, Cena accepts, but he’s weary of how much damage the World’s Strongest Slam managed to do.
Money in the Bank 2013
WWE Title: John Cena (c) vs. Mark Henry
This one is a real uphill battle for the champion, who fights with all his might against Henry’s insurmountable power and size. The challenger manhandles Cena, hurling him around the ring and even delivering a World’s Strongest Slam for a nearfall, but John manages to hang on, reversing a second World’s Strongest Slam into an INSIDE CRADLE! ONE! TWO! THRE-NOOO! CENA TRIED TO GET CRAFTY THERE, BUT HE NEEDS TO GO THROUGH HENRY! HE DELIVERS A HUGE LARIAT, HENRY BARELY BUDGING! HE KICKS OUT THE KNEE AND DELIVERS A DDT, CLIMBING UP TO THE TOP ROPE FOR A CROSSBODY, BUT HENRY CATCHES HIM… WORLD’S STRONGEST SLAM AVOIDED, CENA FLOATING OVER! HENRY PIVOTS… CENA’S GOT HIM UP! ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT TO MARK HENRY! ONE! TWO! THREE! A SUPERHUMAN PERFORMANCE FROM BIG MATCH JOHN!
John Cena def. Mark Henry (14:26) to retain the WWE Title
In the main event, Randy Orton wins the Money in the Bank briefcase by dumping Daniel Bryan, all after Paul Heyman turned on CM Punk, and Samoa Joe got put through a ladder with a Five Star Frog Splash by Rob Van Dam.
Road to SummerSlam 2013
Cena comes out of the Money in the Bank pay per view with a lot of great options for challengers at SummerSlam, and he’s told that he’s got his pick of the roster for the main event, as long as Triple H is the guest referee to ensure that management has some swing. He considers CM Punk, and then ponders Samoa Joe, and is about to pick him to conclude the feud before “YES!” chants break out, leading him to pick Daniel Bryan. Bryan appreciates the opportunity, but says that Cena used to be a real wrestler, only to now accept the role of the face of the company and have everything piled on all at once after becoming a parody of the sport. He used to scratch and claw, but now he’s the Franchise, the Champ, the six-time WWE World Champion, and he’s gotten complacent. He forgets what it’s like to not be in the main event. He treats being away from the gold for a few months as an all-time low, not realizing how easy he has it. He got to shoot off from the Nexus and become a World Champion, while Daniel Bryan joined the Nexus and got fired. He’s been seen as a lesser performer his whole run, so Daniel Bryan wants one thing out of Cena at SummerSlam - to bring the years of experience he’s got to the fight. The same Cena who fought in Japan, who worked his way up in the indies, who’s peaked everywhere he’s gone, because THAT’S the John Cena he wants to beat for the WWE Championship.
SummerSlam 2013
WWE Title: John Cena (c) vs. Daniel Bryan
Once again, we’re confronted by an instance of reality being pretty much perfect, because this match was peak wrestling. Cena and Bryan lay into each other after a technical opening exchange, John throwing his big bombs to try and shut the fan favourite down, but Bryan’s tenacity matching Cena’s own. Cena floors Bryan with a lariat, but he kicks out. He locks in the STF, but Bryan escapes and begins a surgical assault on Cena’s left arm, which is already bandaged up. Finally, Cena manages to scoop Bryan up for an ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT, BUT BRYAN REVERSES INTO A POISON RANA BEFORE CINCHING IN THE YES LOCK! HE’S RIPPING CENA’S ARM APART, BUT CENA SOMEHOW GETS TO THE ROPES, ONLY FOR BRYAN TO KICK HIM SQUARE IN THE TEMPLE! Bryan sends John into the corner to go for his dropkick, but Cena responds with a HELLACIOUS CLOTHESLINE, FOLLOWED BY A TIGER SUPLEX THAT WOULD MAKE MISAWA BLUSH - BUT BRYAN’S BACK UP, SLAPPING CENA IN THE FACE! THEY’RE TRADING SLAPS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING, AND BRYAN’S NOT BACKING DOWN AS HE LAYS INTO THE CHAMPION, FINALLY BRINGING HIM TO HIS KNEES! He grabs Cena’s wrists, kicking him under the jaw before laying in a flurry of stomps to the head, the crowd fervently chanting “YES” with each blow. Finally, he relents, heading to the corner and rallying the chant behind him before CHARGING WITH A KNEE TO THE FACE! ONE! TWO! THREE! DANIEL BRYAN HAS BEATEN JOHN CENA, AND THE GOAT HAS REACHED THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN!
Daniel Bryan def. John Cena (26:55)
Following the match, Bryan celebrates with confetti raining down, only for Randy Orton to hit the scene. Orton stares Bryan down, but Cena steps between them, saying he can’t stand by and let a battered Bryan be taken advantage of. Behind him, Bryan is about to push past, when TRIPLE H DELIVERS A PEDIGREE TO THE NEW CHAMPION! Hearing the noise, Cena pivots, turning his back on the Viper, who NAILS AN RKO, FOLLOWED BY A PUNT TO CENA! He covers Bryan, Triple H insisting the bell be rung before quickly counting three. The Authority has been born.
Road to Hell in a Cell 2013
John Cena’s elbow was a damn mess after his tricep tear, and he ended up missing both Night of Champions and Battleground. However, this gets accounted not to a tricep tear, but Orton’s Punt, giving it that extra bit of juice to make attempts at landing it on Bryan all the more daunting. After a few months of Bryan and Orton duking it out over the WWE Title, Cena’s name is finally brought up… by Alberto Del Rio, who talks about his World Title reign being more dominant than anything Cena had accomplished in WWE. He’s all talk, assuming that Cena’s gone for months to come, but he looks petrified when John Cena answers his call, laying down the gauntlet for a return match at Hell in a Cell with the championship on the line.
Hell in a Cell 2013
World Heavyweight Title: John Cena vs. Alberto Del Rio (c)
John Cena’s insane streak against sex pests continues, steamrolling straight through Del Rio with the Five Moves of Doom. However, he has to put up with Del Rio’s work on his arm, as well as his head, with Cena having been concussed by the Punt. With that, Del Rio attacks the head the same way he did with Dolph Ziggler at Payback, but Cena braves the punishment, finally delivering an emphatic Attitude Adjustment for three and earning a seventh World Championship under the WWE banner.
John Cena def. Alberto Del Rio (17:45) to win the World Heavyweight Title
Road to Survivor Series 2013
Now holding the World Heavyweight Title, John Cena turns his attention back to Randy Orton, who now holds the WWE Title again after defeating Daniel Bryan at Hell in a Cell with the assistance of Shawn Michaels. With the Authority having strengthened their grip over the company in his absence, Triple H says in a promo that he wants the World Heavyweight Title in their grasp too, leading to John Cena coming up with a bright idea - him vs. Orton for both championships in the main event of Survivor Series, with the winner becoming the WWE World Heavyweight Champion… and meaning that if he wins, he’ll have won sixteen career World Championships. Orton agrees to the bout, and promptly directs Kane and The Shield to attack Cena, holding him steady for a PUNT, BUT BRYAN MAKES THE SAVE! The next week on Raw, Bryan and Cena team up against Orton and Kane, notching a win, and then, in the go-home show, fall short alongside Cody Rhodes and Goldust against Orton and the Shield in a blockbuster eight man tag, leaving the Authority standing tall ahead of Survivor Series.
Survivor Series 2013
WWE World Heavyweight Title: John Cena (c, WHC) vs. Randy Orton (c, WWE)
Despite the gravity of the situation, with one man walking out the unified champion and undisputed top dog in the company, this one is mostly personal, and as such is an outright brawl, with no feeling-out stage to speak of. The formula is simple - Cena tries to beat a lesson into Randy Orton, and the Viper strives to land his guaranteed kill shot. Cena gets control early, overwhelming Orton with his surprising amount of vigor, but Orton turns the tides with a SUPERPLEX! He goes after the head with a Garvin Stomp, lining up for THE PUNT, BUT CENA GETS UP JUST IN TIME TO NAIL AN ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT, INTERCEPTING THE WWE CHAMPION! ONE! TWO! THRE-NOOO! Cena nails a few shoulder blocks and goes for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Orton kicks him in the crown of the head, following it up with a spectacular dropkick and a draping DDT. He calls for the RKO, Cena catching him and going for a German Suplex, but Orton lands a back elbow, charging INTO ANOTHER ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT, ONLY TO WRITHE FREE AND KICK THE REFEREE! LOW BLOW TO CENA! RKO! He calls for backup with the referee down, and HERE COMES THE SHIELD! They hoist Cena up for a Triple Powerbomb, but WAIT A SECOND! IT’S DANIEL BRYAN AND CM PUNK, RUSHING DOWN TO EVEN THE ODDS! In the confusion, Orton goes for the PUNT, BUT CENA CATCHES THE LEG, REVERSING INTO AN STF! HE’S GOT HIM TRAPPED AS THE REFEREE COMES TO… ORTON TAPS! JOHN CENA IS THE KING OF WWE, THE UNDISPUTED CHAMPION, AND HE HAS BECOME SO BY WINNING A SIXTEENTH CAREER WORLD TITLE!
John Cena def. Randy Orton (23:48) to win the WWE World Heavyweight Title
Road to TLC 2013
While John Cena may be in a festive mood as a now eight-time World Champion in WWE, and as a double title holder, the Authority isn’t, with Triple H releasing the Hounds on the new champ. However, with Bryan and Punk by his side, he’s able to fend them off, with Triple H making it official that he’ll defend the belt against Randy Orton at TLC in the titular stipulation. However, to stack the deck further, he says there will be a battle royal to determine a third competitor in the bout, and he says that The Shield and Kane will all be in it. In the battle royal, The Authority runs rampant, ready to stack the deck in Orton’s favour, but Daniel Bryan comes from below to win the whole thing, stamping his ticket to another date with both Orton and Cena. The next week, Punk, Bryan and Cena unite as an all-star squad against the Shield, but unfortunately come up short against the Hounds of Justice, who promise to still make their presence known at TLC.
TLC 2013
TLC Match for the WWE World Heavyweight Title: John Cena (c) vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton
Having seen technical clinics, dramatic epics and heated brawls take place between these three, this time, it’s a car crash. The Shield get involved early, and so does CM Punk, making for a real scene with all the weapons that are immediately introduced. Everyone goes through tables, everyone gets hit with chairs, everyone looks to climb the ladder, but there’s always someone in the way. Finally, CM Punk is taken out by a triple powerbomb through the announce table, and the Shield are taken out by Cena and Bryan, who bury them under an avalanche of tables, ladders and chairs, only for THE DAMN WYATT FAMILY TO TAKE OUT DANIEL BRYAN! THIS IS BEDLAM! Cena and Orton end up in the ring, duking it out over the gold atop a precarious ladder, and CENA GOES FOR AN ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT OFF THE TOP THROUGH A STACK OF TABLES, ONLY FOR ORTON TO PULL THE GOLD DOWN WITH HIM! THE VIPER STEALS THE VICTORY, WRENCHING THE CHAMPIONSHIPS AWAY FROM JOHN CENA!
Randy Orton def. John Cena and Daniel Bryan (22:59) to win the WWE World Heavyweight Title

Part One Here!
Part Two Here!
Part Three Here!
Part Four Here!
Part Five Here!
Part Six Here!
Part Seven Here!
Part Eight Here!
Part Nine Here!
Part Ten Here!
We pick up in the dying embers of 2011, following John Cena once again falling short against CM Punk with the WWE Title on the line, this time at Survivor Series. Having fought with all his heart and still come up short, passing out to the Anaconda Vise, an ashamed Cena takes some time off to recover from the toll his three championship reigns took on him over the past year. However, he vows to come back and win the Royal Rumble for the second year in a row in order to once again main event WrestleMania, this time bringing the title home at the expense of his long-running rival.
Royal Rumble 2012
30 Man Royal Rumble Match
The crowd is hot as they start the countdown for lucky Number 27, with Wade Barrett, Dolph Ziggler, Sheamus, The Miz, Cody Rhodes and Jack Swagger all in the ring waiting to see who comes out… AND IT’S JOHN CENA, BACK WITH A VENGEANCE AFTER ALMOST TWO MONTHS TO HEAL UP! Cena comes in like a house on fire, making a beeline for Barrett and notching the elimination he struggled so hard for the year prior, followed by tossing Jack Swagger over the top and to the floor. He lays out Miz, Ziggler and Cody with a series of flying shoulder blocks, building up steam before taking in the love from the crowd and turning to face Sheamus. They start trading bombs in the middle of the ring as Number 28 enters, the audience whipped into a frenzy as Randy Orton makes his way down to the ring to eliminate Cody. Swagger tries to dump the Viper over, but Orton nails a back elbow, Swagger turning around INTO A BROGUE KICK, SHEAMUS TOSSING HIM OVER THE TOP BEFORE BEING HIT WITH A ZIG ZAG! Ziggler struggles to get Sheamus over the top rope, Sheamus fighting tooth and nail before finally knocking Dolph away, straight into an attempted RKO FROM ORTON, BUT DOLPH SHOVES RANDY INTO AN ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT!
Number 29’s countdown ushers out Chris Jericho, and it’s Y2J’s grand return to the ring as he immediately hits Dolph with a Codebreaker, eliminating him. He springs up, only for Miz to go for the Skull Crushing Finale… but Jericho rolls him forward, Miz rolling and pivoting for a CODEBREAKER TO FLOOR HIM! Cena and Jericho start trading shots, Cena whipping Jericho into the ropes and going for a flying shoulder block, but JERICHO WITH A THIRD CODEBREAKER! Miz staggers to his feet, and SHEAMUS CLOTHESLINES HIM OVER THE TOP ROPE FOR THE ELIMINATION! Number 30’s theme hits, and welllllll… it’s the Big Show. Show lumbers down to the ring, with Sheamus, Orton, Jericho and Cena still in the mix, the final five already locked. Begrudgingly, the four men in the ring look up towards the ramp, realizing that their only hope at getting the massive man over the top rope is to work together. Show enters the ring, and ALL FOUR JUMP HIM, ONLY FOR THE BIG SHOW TO EXPLODE OUTWARDS AND SEND THEM FLYING!
Sheamus is up first, going for a Brogue Kick and EATING A WMD! Jericho leaps up for a Codebreaker, but Show simply stays standing, remaining steady and jetting Jericho up into ANOTHER WMD, BUT NOW ORTON NAILS AN RKO! Show’s on spaghetti legs, and CENA LIFTS HIM UP! MY GOD, THE POWER! THE CROWD ARE ALL ON THEIR FEET AS CENA STRUGGLES TO HOLD FIVE HUNDRED POUNDS OF HUMANITY ALOFT… ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT SENDS SHOW TO THE APRON, AND DOWN TO THE FLOOR! Exhausted, Cena flops against the ropes, and RANDY ORTON DUMPS HIM OVER THE TOP TO THE APRON, CENA HOLDING ON WITH JUST ONE HAND! Orton tries to kick the hand out, but John is glued to the apron, refusing to be shaken off and driving his shoulder into Orton’s gut, trying for a back body drop over the top… BUT ORTON DRAGS HIM IN FOR A DRAPING DDT! Cena is dazed and confused as Orton calls for an RKO, but CENA COUNTERS, GOING FOR AN ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT - BUT SHEAMUS NAILS HIM WITH A BROGUE KICK, LEAVING HIM PRONE FOR AN RKO! ORTON ELIMINATES CENA! Despite making it to the final four, Cena’s effort wasn’t enough, and he’s forced to watch as CHRIS JERICHO LAST ELIMINATES RANDY ORTON IN HIS HOMETOWN OF ST. LOUIS!
Chris Jericho wins the 2012 Royal Rumble (54:56)
Road to Elimination Chamber 2012
With Chris Jericho surprisingly declaring his intentions to challenge for the World Heavyweight Title, saying he became synonymous with the gold in the late 2000s and wants to do so again, the WWE Title scene is wide open heading out of the Royal Rumble - but John Laurinaitis wants to make sure that said scene doesn’t involve CM Punk, and schedules a Punk defense within the satanic structure, with one of his challengers being Dolph Ziggler, Laurinatis’ champion of choice. He also declares there will be four qualifying matches to determine who enters alongside Punk and Ziggler, and the next week, they begin, with John Cena scheduled to face the Big Show as penance for socking Laurinaitis at Money in the Bank 2011. Big man goes up, and big man goes down, with Cena defeating the Big Show with a thunderous Attitude Adjustment in Raw’s main event. Over the next few weeks, the Chamber fills out, with R-Truth, The Miz and Wade Barrett joining the fray, with the go-home show seeing a fracas break out, and a slimy Dolph Ziggler finally standing tall ahead of the Chamber.
Elimination Chamber 2012
Elimination Chamber Match for the WWE Title: John Cena vs. CM Punk (c) vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. R-Truth vs. The Miz vs. Wade Barrett
The Chamber is about as rigged as it can possibly get, with Laurinaitis orchestrating Punk and Cena as the starting two. It’s a fantastic opening exchange, and it’s incredibly closely contested, with John throwing everything he can at the champion to finally get one up on him. Barrett is out next, using his power to wear down both Punk and Cena, and then it’s Truth, who immediately makes a beeline for Miz’s pod, kicking through it and igniting a wild brawl between them. Cena notches the first elimination by putting away Wade Barrett with an Attitude Adjustment, and finally, Dolph Ziggler comes out fresh as a daisy at Number 6, putting the boots to everyone in the match. He lays out Cena and Punk with Zig-Zags, both of which only earn two counts, and then changes his tactics, helping The Miz eliminate R-Truth and insisting they team up to take out the champion and the most daunting challenger. Miz accepts, and with Punk and Cena’s inability to work together, they dole out massive damage, Punk narrowly managing to roll up Miz for three and put Ziggler on the back foot.
Furious, Ziggler tries to flee Punk’s wrath, but Cena insists that he’ll help the champion get rid of Ziggler so they can go one on one, fair and square. Punk agrees, and corners Dolph up against a pod, forcing Ziggler to climb up to the top… AND INTO CENA’S WAITING ARMS, WITH THE CENATION LEADER NAILING AN AVALANCHE ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT OFF THE POD! Cena tries to roll over onto Dolph to make the cover, but PUNK OFF THE TOP ROPE WITH AN ELBOW DROP, AND NOW HOISTING CENA UP INTO A GO TO SLEEP! ONE! TWO! THREE! PUNK PUTS CENA AWAY, BY NOOK AND BY CROOK, AND NOW HE PINS ZIGGLER… ONE! TWO! THREE! PUNK RETAINS THE WWE CHAMPIONSHIP!
CM Punk def. John Cena, Dolph Ziggler, R-Truth, The Miz and Wade Barrett (31:40) to retain the WWE Title
Road to WrestleMania XXVIII
CM Punk may have come out of Elimination Chamber as champion, but he did so at the expense of turning a rival into an enemy. John Cena comes out at the top of the hour on Raw to call out Punk, saying that he agreed to help him against a common enemy so they could face off fairly - and Punk took the coward’s way out. That brings out the champion, who clearly resents being called a coward, saying that Cena should really only be calling him one name: champion, because for all the talk about Hustle and Loyalty, Cena’s not showing enough Respect. Punk worked hard to get this title, but he owes Cena no loyalty… in fact, he owes him nothing, leading Cena to PUNCH PUNK IN THE FACE! Punk drops down out of the ring, clutching the title, and John grabs the microphone, declaring that Punk owes him one thing, and that’s the one on one match they agreed upon at Elimination Chamber. Cena says that if Punk wants respect, he’ll have to earn it… at WrestleMania. Gritting his teeth, Punk agrees, and we’re set for WrestleMania 28 with John Cena vs. CM Punk, WWE Championship on the line.
The next week is a contract signing between the two, and the animosity is higher than ever, the undertone of mutual respect following their series of battles exchanged for contempt. Cena signs first, and Punk uses the spotlight to start a sermon on the mount, saying that John Cena’s just walked into success wherever he’s gone. Outside WWE, he was a multi-time champion within a few years, and once he got to WWE and started shilling merchandise and shedding his Nexus skin, it was all sunshine and rainbows for the Cenation leader. However, Punk says that at Elimination Chamber, he taught the children Cena wants so desperately to look up to him a more valuable lesson than Cena ever could - that they aren’t the only person trying to reach the top. Punk’s worked for years to get to where he is, he overcame the same obstacles Cena did and then some, and in that time, he learned it’s a dog-eat-dog world. Maybe John’s had it too easy to notice, but life is hard, and at WrestleMania, he’ll make that point definitively when he beats Cena… again. Anyway, the contract is signed, and as is tradition, Punk goes through the table, but John looks pretty shaken by what Punk said.
They continue exchanging verbal barbs on the Road to WrestleMania, and Cena heats himself up with a big win over Kane, and another over The Miz on back-to-back Raw episodes. On the go-home show, it’s one more face-to-face promo segment, with CM Punk coming down to the ring and explaining that he’s held the WWE Championship for about four months - longer than Cena ever has. The head that wears the crown is a heavy one, but he’s overcome every obstacle thrown at him by John Laurinaitis, by Dolph Ziggler, and while he knows Cena holds a grudge against both of them too, he sees Cena the same way; as an obstacle that he’s overcome repeatedly, because he’s the Best in the World. Because of that, at WrestleMania, he’ll treat him no differently than he would Laurinaitis or Ziggler, because he’s just a problem to be solved, no matter his morals or popularity. Cena comes out and says Punk talks about hardships, but Cena had to work for eight years before returning to WWE. He had to fight for his spot, and the past year and a half of his career, he’s done it the right way. He’s imposed those challenges upon himself to try and make the world a better place, but Punk is selfish. He holds himself to no principles but those that benefit him at any given moment, so while he may be a great competitor, he’s not deserving of Cena’s respect, or the respect of the people - and when Cena pins his shoulders to the mat in Miami, he won’t be deserving of being called champion, either. The last image of both men before their WrestleMania clash is a simple one, with CM Punk raising the championship that John Cena designed high above his challenger’s head.
WrestleMania XXVIII
WWE Title: John Cena vs. CM Punk (c)
For the second year in a row, John Cena walks into WrestleMania as the challenger for the WWE Championship, but this time, it’s on a cold streak compared to the heater he was on in 2011. He’s lost to CM Punk at Money in the Bank, SummerSlam, Survivor Series and now Elimination Chamber, meaning the champion is plenty confident for this one. They start off cautious, knowing each other and the dangers posed very well, and Punk manages to get control early by kicking Cena off the top rope to the apron, with John landing on his back. He works over Cena’s spine, trying to take away his overwhelming power, but Cena manages to find a small gap in Punk’s offense and NAIL AN ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT! ONE! TWO! TH-PUNK KICKS OUT, BUT WE’RE OFF TO THE RACES NOW! Cena’s back in the fight, and he goes after Punk hard with a series of shoulder blocks, only for Punk to drop down under one and catch Cena on the rebound with a head kick before LOCKING IN THE ANACONDA VISE, THE SAME MOVE THAT PUT CENA AWAY AT SURVIVOR SERIES! Cena scrambles to the ropes, but Punk kicks off of them again, only for Cena to roll through and HOIST PUNK UP INTO A SIDE SLAM, FOLLOWING IT UP WITH A FIVE KNUCKLE SHUFFLE… AND A SECOND ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT! ONE! TWO! THRE-PUNK SOMEHOW LIFTS THE SHOULDER!
Now it’s Cena’s turn to go on the attack, knowing one more big move will put Punk down for three, but Punk is getting desperate, rolling out of the ring to safety before CATCHING CENA WITH A DDT ON THE FLOOR! He crawls back into the ring, considering taking a countout, but instead he delivers a SUICIDE DIVE, SENDING CENA INTO THE BARRICADE SPINE-FIRST! He hops onto the announce table and nails a flying clothesline before sending Cena back in, stumbling towards the challenger and BEING SCOOPED UP FOR A THIRD ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT, BUT CENA’S BACK GIVES WAY, PROVIDING PUNK THE OPENING TO CONNECT WITH A BACKSTABBER! He picks Cena up… GO TO SLEEP! ONE! TWO! THRE-CENA KICKS OUT! Frustrated, Punk rolls John over onto his stomach, dropping knee after knee into the spinal cord before clambering up to the top rope for an ELBOW DROP TO CENA’S BACK, BUT THE CHALLENGER ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY TO TRAP PUNK IN THE STF! HE’S GOT PUNK DEAD TO RIGHTS! The referee leans in as Punk screams and shouts, finally grabbing the referee by the shirt to stop himself from submitting… AND LUNGING FORWARD, SENDING CENA INTO THE REFEREE’S SKULL FOR A CLASH OF HEADS! The referee crumples as a dazed John tries to lock the hold back in, but WAIT A SECOND! WHO THE HELL IS… JOHN CENA JUST GOT HIT WITH A STEEL CHAIR, STRAIGHT TO THE SPINE! IT’S PAUL HEYMAN! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? The crowd is in disbelief as Heyman hurries out of the ring, a wounded Punk pushing the chair under the ropes before delivering another emphatic GO TO SLEEP! He collapses over Cena as the referee comes to, counting the pin… ONE… TWO… THREE! CM PUNK CHEATS JOHN CENA OUT OF THE WWE CHAMPIONSHIP, WITH THE HELP OF PAUL HEYMAN!
CM Punk def. John Cena (25:43) to retain the WWE Title
Road to Extreme Rules 2012
The Raw after WrestleMania sees CM Punk come out to open the show, officially proclaiming himself not only the WWE Champion, not only the man who’s gone 4-0 against John Cena in singles competition for the gold, but a “Paul Heyman Guy.” Naturally, Cena crashes the party, furious about being screwed over, with Punk ducking out of harm’s way and Heyman narrowly avoiding catastrophe. However, Paul promises that in the main event timeslot, he’ll happily speak with John Cena face to face, vanishing behind the curtain and forcing Cena to wait. The main event slot rolls round, and Cena comes down to the ring, saying that he wants to face Punk once again at Extreme Rules, this time under the titular ruleset, and that even if Paul Heyman wants to interfere, he’ll face it head on and make him pay for costing him at WrestleMania. Out struts Heyman onto the stage, microphone in hand, and he says that at Extreme Rules, he accepts Cena’s challenge on behalf of his client. Cena will have an Extreme Rules match against a Paul Heyman guy - but not CM Punk. Cena’s confusion turns to anger before the roof comes unglued, because BROCK LESNAR IS BACK IN THE WWE! He meets Cena in the ring, John telling Brock to step aside and that this isn’t his fight, but LESNAR SCOOPS HIM UP FOR AN F-5, STANDING TALL WITH HEYMAN!
The next week, Lesnar is reintroduced to the WWE Universe by Heyman after nearly a decade away, but it quickly devolves into a brawl with Cena, the entire locker room emptying out to keep them apart ahead of what will surely be an incomprehensibly violent affair. Cena comes away bloodied, as does Lesnar, while Heyman scurries away to hide behind CM Punk backstage. The following Raw, John Laurinaitis says that for starting the brawl, Cena has been suspended for the week, and that he’s officially negotiated a WWE contract for “The New Face of WWE,” Brock Lesnar, through Laurinaitis’ “good friend,” Paul Heyman. The deck is stacked, and Laurinaitis says that as the GM of both Raw and Smackdown, he’s getting pretty sick of John Cena running around like he owns the place - and if he steps out of line again, he might just have to fire him. The go-home show sees Cena return, not permitted to touch anyone associated with Heyman or Laurinaitis, but the tension is palpable as he says to Brock that he’ll go through him and whoever else he has to in order to set things right.
Extreme Rules 2012
Extreme Rules Match: John Cena vs. Brock Lesnar
This one is an out-and-out war from the opening bell, with Cena opening up his old playbook and wearing a chain to the ring in order to clock the Beast Incarnate, busting Brock open. However, the second he goes for another shot, Lesnar takes him down and lands an elbow to the head, leaving Cena leaking like a faucet. He follows it up by hurling John into the ring post, both men bloodied in the opening stages as they wrestle for control. However, Brock has a target set on John’s back, and he nails it with a POWERBOMB THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE, FOLLOWED BY SIMPLY RIPPING UP A PIECE OF THE BARRICADE AND SLAMMING IT INTO CENA’S SPINE! He chains Cena to the ring post, piecing him up with his UFC Championship caliber striking, landing punches to the body before letting Heyman mockingly deliver a “You Can’t See Me” to the Cenation leader. Brock rips him away from the ring post, and now delivers an F-5 ONTO THE FLOOR! He slides the ring steps into the squared circle, standing tall atop them as Cena struggles onto the apron, and runs off the steps to SEND BOTH MEN CRASHING TO THE FLOOR, A KNEE FROM BROCK GOING STRAIGHT INTO JOHN’S TEMPLE! Save for a few glimmers of hope for Cena, it’s been a dominant performance by Lesnar, who now rolls Cena in and calls for an F-5 ON THE STEPS, ONLY FOR CENA TO REVERSE INTO A DDT ONTO THE STEEL! ONE! TWO! THR-NOO! LESNAR KICKS OUT, BUT CENA HAS A CHANCE HERE! Fighting through the pain as best he can to lift Lesnar up, he gets him into a fireman’s carry… BUT BROCK INTO A KIMURA! HE’S GOT CENA TRAPPED, BUT JOHN RUNS HIM INTO THE TURNBUCKLES! Lesnar stumbles - CENA WITH AN ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT! ONE! TWO! THRE-PAUL HEYMAN STOPS THE COUNT! Cena looks up with murderous intent, Heyman immediately fleeing the scene, but John follows him around ringside before being INTERCEPTED BY BROCK, WHO GETS HIM UP FOR ANOTHER F-5, ONLY FOR JOHN TO SWING AROUND BEHIND HIM! CENA’S GOT THE CHAIN AROUND BROCK’S NECK! HE’S CHOKING THE BEAST OUT! LESNAR’S FADING! HE’S GOT NOWHERE TO GO, AND NOW JOHN HOISTS HIM UP FOR AN ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT ON THE STEPS! ONE! TWO! THREE! JOHN CENA SURVIVES BROCK LESNAR!
John Cena def. Brock Lesnar (23:57)
Road to Over The Limit 2012
Following his monumental defeat of the first opponent in his rapist gauntlet, Cena is ready to get back in the title hunt, but he’s confronted by another roadblock - John Laurinaitis, who’s not happy at all about the “New Face of WWE” being beaten by Cena, who’s become something of a thorn in the side of People Power. He says that he’s threatened to fire Cena before, and now, having seen the Cenation leader chase down Paul Heyman, a non-competitor, he feels he has no choice. Cena rips the microphone out of Laurinaitis’ hand, backing him into the turnbuckles and leaning in nice and close before starting his speech. He says that he’s spent years doing things the right way, and playing within the rules in order to overcome the obstacles in front of him. He tries to lead by example, to help people with their hardships, to be someone to aspire towards for sick children who are fighting harder than even he can imagine - but if Laurinaitis intends to take that option from him by firing him, Cena will have to approach things differently. If he can’t overcome obstacles, he has to get rid of his obstacles. Johnny Ace is sweating bullets, and says something about being the GM of both Raw and Smackdown, only for Cena to offer him the opportunity of a lifetime - a match, where if Cena loses, he’ll QUIT, and he’ll accept the result peacefully. Laurinaitis perks up, and Cena says that if his opponent loses, they’ll have to do so by quitting too. Wanting to get rid of the threat, Laurinaitis agrees, before Cena says that that opponent is Laurinaitis himself. The match is made official for Over The Limit - Cena vs. Laurinaitis, Loser Leaves WWE, in an I Quit Match.
The next week sees Laurinaitis trying desperately to bribe people over to his side in the fight against Cena, but much of the locker room remains steadfast in wanting People Power gone. Lesnar is nowhere to be seen, given his schedule, and even CM Punk, Cena’s heated rival, says that despite his detestment for Cena, after all Laurinaitis put him through, he has no intent of helping. He hopes they both lose. Finally, on the go-home show, Laurinaitis is seen on the phone offering an iron-clad contract to someone, worth a record-setting amount, but one that will only take effect the night after Over The Limit, meaning Laurinaitis has to win for it to be enacted. Satisfied with his ace in the hole, he prepares to face the music, saying in an interview that he’ll have no problem beating John Cena - he’s had forty minute wars in his heyday. He’s beaten the likes of Mitsuharu Misawa (who Cena killed), so he has no fear heading in - but he then hears a random conversation down the hall, and leaps up out of his seat, terrified. He runs out of frame, shouting that he’ll make Cena quit at Over The Limit.
Over The Limit 2012
Loser Leaves WWE I Quit Match: John Cena vs. John Laurinaitis
“Big fight feel” doesn’t even begin to describe John Laurinaitis’ first PPV match since his time in All Japan, but “prison beating” does, with Cena beating Johnny Ace’s ass from pillar to post for a good ten minutes. Cena brings him to commentary and puts him in a headset, saying he’ll be Cole while Laurinaitis is Booker T, leading Johnny Ace to sputter “five time” in his weird raspy voice before eating an ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT! The referee asks Laurinaitis if he wants to quit, but before he can answer, THE BIG SHOW LANDS A WMD ON THE REFEREE! COME ON! Show apologizes to Cena, saying he needs to do this for the contract that’ll feed his family for the rest of his life, and Cena shrugs before they start duking it out, neither one willing to give an inch. Eventually, Cena manages to PUT SHOW THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE WITH AN ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT, AND NOW HE LOCKS LAURINAITIS IN THE STF, STICKING THE MICROPHONE IN HIS FACE… LAURINAITIS QUITS!
John Cena def. John Laurinaitis (15:07), meaning Laurinaitis must leave WWE
Road to No Way Out 2012
Having defeated another sex pest, John Cena is looking to continue the streak, saying he wants to enter the title scene again. However, CM Punk and the WWE Title are now wrapped up in a scene with Daniel Bryan, Kane and AJ Lee, who, with Mr. McMahon behind her, holds all the cards necessary to exclude Cena from the equation. With that in mind, Cena goes after World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho, setting the match for No Way Out with a series of blistering promos, centred on Jericho having come out on top in his WrestleMania title bout, and Cena having fallen short. However, with two deviants in the mud behind him, Cena’s feeling good about beating a third and claiming his fourth World Championship in WWE.
No Way Out 2012
World Heavyweight Title: John Cena vs. Chris Jericho (c)
This is an incredible match, with Jericho certainly being a heel, but not one as underhanded as some of Cena’s more recent opponents, making for an entertaining back-and-forth skill-based bout. Jericho naturally works over Cena’s back, only a month and a half removed from his battle with Lesnar and two and a half from his battle with Punk, and continuously tries to cinch in the Walls of Jericho. However, Cena always seems to have an answer, and, after kicking out of a Codebreaker, manages to scoop Jericho up for an ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT, BUT JERICHO LANDS ON HIS FEET AND HITS A SPINNING BACK ELBOW, THE LIKES OF WHICH WE’VE NEVER SEEN FROM HIM! He goes for the Walls of Jericho once more, but a defiant Cena manages to extend his legs and force Jericho off, before leaping atop him and LOCKING IN THE STF, FORCING JERICHO TO SUBMIT! JOHN CENA’S THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, AND AFTER HOLDING THE NWA TITLE IN A PAST LIFE, HE FINALLY GETS TO LIFT THE BIG GOLD THAT ONCE REPRESENTED IT!
John Cena def. Chris Jericho (18:32) to win the World Heavyweight Title
Road to Money in the Bank 2012
Now wearing gold once more, Cena brings in a new rendition of his “The Champ is Here” shirt, and says he’s looking forward to defending the helm at Money in the Bank. Alberto Del Rio takes offense to this, saying that at Money in the Bank, the poster child of wealth deserves to hold gold. Cena asks if that’s a challenge, which it is, and accepts, presumably so he can browbeat a FOURTH sex pest. Over the next few weeks, Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez talk about the championship lifestyle, using segments to display Alberto’s opulent wealth and talk about how a REAL champion doesn’t do Make a Wish, but tramples on the poor to build golf courses or something. Cena ramps up his charity work by meeting sick children and offscreening some more people who belong on the sex offender registry, setting the stage for an exciting ideological battle in Phoenix.
Money in the Bank 2012
World Heavyweight Title: John Cena (c) vs. Alberto Del Rio
Having historically had a rough time of successfully defending gold in WWE, and a very rough time at Money in the Bank, Cena’s got a lot to prove against Del Rio, who tries to soften Cena up for the Cross Armbreaker throughout, using all tools available - smashing Cena’s arm off the ring post, steel steps, barricade and announce table all around ringside before attempting to lock in the submission in the centre of the ring… CENA STACKS HIM UP! ONE! TWO! TH-HE LIFTS DEL RIO UP IN A HUGE SHOW OF STRENGTH FOR A POWERBOMB! Del Rio is staggered as Cena measures his man for an ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT! ONE! TWO! THREE! HE MAY BE COMING AWAY WITH A WOUNDED ARM, BUT JOHN CENA JUST MADE LIGHT WORK OF THE MEXICAN ARISTOCRAT!
John Cena def. Alberto Del Rio (12:45) to retain the World Heavyweight Title
Road to SummerSlam 2012
Having defeated four sex pests, the locker room is now running pretty dry, so Cena decides it’s mission accomplished and turns his attention to the rest of the roster. Still plenty focused on CM Punk, he says he’ll get to him eventually, but for now, he’s looking for a SummerSlam challenger. Out marches Sheamus, who came tantalizingly close to winning Money in the Bank the previous night, to a huge reaction from the crowd. He’s all smiles as he turns to face Cena, saying they’ve only met in the Royal Rumble, but never one on one. Cena asks the crowd if they want to see him face Sheamus at SummerSlam, and they all roar in approval before Flight of the Valkyries hits, ushering out Daniel Bryan. Bryan says that next week, he’s scheduled to marry AJ Lee on Raw 1000, and he wants to be wearing gold for the happiest moment of his life - the gold that he lost at WrestleMania. He doesn’t care if Sheamus challenges at SummerSlam, but he cares who Sheamus FACES, because it’s shouldn’t be John Cena… it should be Daniel Bryan. Cena chuckles, and accepts the challenge for Raw 1000’s opening contest.
World Heavyweight Title: John Cena (c) vs. Daniel Bryan
In a closely contested affair, John Cena and Daniel Bryan go back and forth to kick off a celebration of Raw, with Sheamus on guest commentary and Bryan’s blushing bride-to-be at ringside. Naturally, Bryan makes a beeline for Cena’s arm, trying to soften it up further just a week removed from the pain Del Rio put it through, and gets to showcase his broad array of submissions, Cena just barely managing to survive the onslaught with rope break after rope break before finally nailing an ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT! ONE! TWO! THRE-BRYAN GETS A FOOT UNDER THE ROPE! Cena calls for another one, but Bryan is somehow able to reverse it into a victory roll, followed by a NO KICK TO THE HEAD! He sends Cena into the corner, ready for a running dropkick, and turns to AJ, beckoning her up to the apron for a kiss. She hops up, he leans over, and… SHE DOESN’T KISS HIM? Bryan’s confused, and turns around into a SECOND ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT! ONE! TWO! THREE! BRYAN’S JILTED BEFORE THE ALTAR IS EVEN SET UP!
John Cena def. Daniel Bryan (16:23) to retain the World Heavyweight Title
Now set to face off with Sheamus, it’s a much more respectful build than Cena’s been used to, without the antagonistic rivals opposite him. For Sheamus and Cena, it’s a first time ever clash of the titans, two big guys with big muscles who are gonna fight for the Heavyweight Title. Wrestling has never been more back.
SummerSlam 2012
World Heavyweight Title: John Cena (c) vs. Sheamus
These two men simply collide at the Staples Center, giving us fifteen glorious minutes that completely lack control segments or hope spots or changes in momentum - it’s just big bombs being thrown. Eventually, Sheamus gets going on a roll, nailing an Irish Curse Backbreaker to exacerbate Cena’s back problems before following it up with a HIGH CROSS! ONE! TWO! THR-NOOO! He transitions straight into a Cloverleaf, folding Cena in two and bearing down on his lower spine, but John just manages to reach the ropes, refusing to give up. Sheamus heads to the corner, calling for the Brogue Kick, but CENA DUCKS IT, PIVOTING AROUND AND NAILING A SHOULDER BLOCK! NOW ANOTHER! HE’S GOT SHEAMUS WHERE HE WANTS HIM… FIVE KNUCKLE SHUFFLE FOR TWO! Sheamus is in trouble now, Cena getting him up for an ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT, AND NOW HE ROLLS THROUGH TO GO FOR ANOTHER - ONLY FOR SHEAMUS TO SLIP OFF BEHIND HIM FOR A GERMAN SUPLEX! BROGUE KICK MISSES BY A FRACTION OF AN INCH, CENA SLIPPING PAST TO BEHEAD SHEAMUS WITH A LARIAT! HE PICKS HIM UP… ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT! ONE! TWO! THREE! CENA MAKES IT THROUGH A TRUE WAR!
John Cena def. Sheamus (18:59) to retain the World Heavyweight Title
Cena’s barely able to stand after that one, his back giving him plenty of trouble as he leans on the ropes, giving a nod to Sheamus as a show of respect for the fantastic match, when… OH MY GOD! Dolph Ziggler sprints down to the ring, the referee still checking on Cena, and IMMEDIATELY SUPERKICKS THE CHAMPION UNDER THE JAW BEFORE HE CAN EVEN REACT! He hands over the briefcase, and THE BELL RINGS!
World Heavyweight Title: John Cena (c) vs. Dolph Ziggler
ZIG ZAG! ONE! TWO! THRE-CENA KICKS OUT! The crowd is electric as Dolph lines Cena up for another Zig-Zag, but Cena manages to buck him off by clinging to the top rope, throwing a back elbow and ANOTHER THUNDEROUS LARIAT! ONE! TWO! THR-NOOOO! Cena scoops Dolph up for an ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT, BUT NOW ZIGGLER LOCKS IN THE SLEEPER HOLD! CENA TRIES TO SHAKE HIM OFF, BUT DOLPH DRIVES KNEES INTO THE SPINE TO BREAK HIS STANCE… CENA ROLLS HIM FORWARD, AND GOES FOR AN ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT, ONLY FOR ZIGGLER TO LAND ON HIS FEET AND NAIL A ZIG-ZAG! ONE! TWO! THREE! DOLPH ZIGGLER IS THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!
Dolph Ziggler def. John Cena (2:30) to win the World Heavyweight Title
Road to Night of Champions 2012
On Raw, John Cena is crestfallen, not having the chance to walk into his hometown of Boston as champion. However, with the World Heavyweight Title off his shoulder, he has a choice on his hands - does he pursue revenge against Dolph Ziggler, or does he once again set his sights on CM Punk for the first time since WrestleMania? His choice is the latter, and he issues his challenge for the TD Garden: John Cena vs. CM Punk for the WWE Title. Paul Heyman comes out to the stage with the champion, and says that after nearly a year with the gold, Punk doesn’t need to give Cena a damn thing. However, Cena says that if Punk wants respect so much, there’s no better way to earn it than beating the Cenation leader clean as a whistle, something he couldn’t do at WrestleMania. Paul is about to reject, but Punk stops him, and says that he’ll see Cena in Boston, just so he can embarrass him in his hometown… because if Punk wins, John Cena has to cut a promo after the match explaining why he respects CM Punk. Cena accepts the terms, and after five months of waiting, we’re back on the element with the Best in the World vs. The Franchise.
Cena spends the next few weeks discussing his journey back to the WWE Title - beating a new Heyman guy in the form of Brock Lesnar after Heyman cost him the win against Punk, then beating Laurinaitis to ensure management wouldn’t get in his way, then winning another World Championship in the interim, all leading back to the Straight Edge Saviour. In Boston, he can’t fail, because frankly, he’s not sure what he’d say if he lost. He doesn’t respect the cheating ways, he doesn’t respect the cult of personality, he doesn’t respect the hiding up until this point, and in Boston, he’ll do what he should’ve done a long time ago at Money in the Bank 2011 - he’ll save the WWE Championship from CM Punk.
Night of Champions 2012
WWE Title; If Cena Loses, He Must Say He Respects Punk: John Cena vs. CM Punk (c)
It is deafening inside the TD Garden for the rematch the world’s been waiting for, with CM Punk looking to go a flawless 5-0 in singles competition against the hometown hero. Just like he did at WrestleMania, Punk targets the back, but Cena toughs it out as best he can, his sheer grit and determination carrying him through the storm. Both striving to gain the upper hand despite their deep knowledge of each other’s moves, they pull out all the stops, with Punk GOING FOR ANOTHER PILEDRIVER, ONLY FOR CENA TO COUNTER WITH A BACK BODY DROP OVER THE TOP! Clutching his lower back, Cena lines himself up for a SUICIDE DIVE TO PUNK, NEARLY LANDING IN HIS FATHER’S LAP! He sends Punk back in, nailing a top rope leg drop as the champ tries to get back to his feet, followed by a FIVE KNUCKLE SHUFFLE! HE’S GOT HIM UP… ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT! ONE! TWO! THRE-NOOOO! Going for broke, Cena sets Punk up on the top rope, calling for an avalanche Attitude Adjustment, but PUNK WITH BLOWS TO THE SPINE, NOW HOOKING CENA’S ARMS! IS HE GOING FOR A PEPSI PLUNGE? NO! CENA LIFTS HIM UP AGAIN, AND PUNK DROPS TO THE TURNBUCKLES TO AVOID DISASTER, ONLY FOR JOHN TO WRAP HIS ARMS AROUND PUNK’S WAIST FOR A GERMAN SUPLEX OFF THE TOP ROPE, STRUGGLING TO BRIDGE WITH HIS BAD BACK… ONE! TWO! THREE! CENA’S DONE IT! CENA’S DONE IT ONCE AGAIN! The Cenation Leader grabs the title and leaps into the crowd, enveloped by the rabid Bostonians as he hugs his family, only for the referee to come and… TAKE THE GOLD AWAY? He points to the instant replay, and it shows that due to Cena’s injured spine, he couldn’t get a high enough bridge on Punk, leaving his own shoulders on the mat as well, making it a draw, and meaning that…
John Cena and CM Punk fought to a draw (26:50), meaning CM Punk retains the WWE Title
Cena simply looks defeated as an exhausted Punk embraces the title, both he and Heyman obviously just relieved. Cena may not have to say that he respects the WWE Champion, as he didn’t lose, but the atmosphere is sour as he exits the same way he entered - titleless.
(Cont'd in Comments)

Hey guys! Ape here, to give a bit of a rundown on all this. Until pretty recently, it seemed as though this match was still going ahead. Unfortunately, it wasn't meant to be. MGT and I finished our booking up on March 30th, and were waiting for MJE to finish theirs up before posting, so there wouldn't be too much of a gap that caused voters to not know what the fuck was going on (especially given how lengthy both bookings were planned to be). This booking took a lot out of all four of us, but I'm glad to be able to post it now, knowing full well that only Inferno is going to read it in its entirety. Thanks. Love you.
For the people who just want to ogle at us for being stupid enough to do this, here are the numbers. This booking meets the agreed upon standards of the original match - each part clears 20k characters, for a total of 701,059 characters. It's 219 pages in Google Docs and 123,683 words long, which is about two Qurans. We just really love John Cena.
As MGT is no longer on Reddit, the whole booking is going to be posted by me. He wrote the first nine parts, and I wrote the rest. If any of you beyond Inferno are mad enough to read this, I truly hope you enjoy it. I'll be putting together a TL;DR in the next few days, explaining the broad strokes of everything that occurs. However, I'll blatantly ask for upvotes here because I think it'd be really funny to drown the sub in a 26 part booking with absolutely nothing on the line. Anyway, I'll let MGT take it from here. Peace out, and I'll see y'all in P10.
I cannot believe we’re doing this. But fuck it. John Cena’s entire career, rebooked.
After signing a developmental contract with WWE and spending months honing his skills at the company's training facility, John Cena finally sees his chance at the big time. Before call ups to the main roster, the best John could hope for was building his name and reputation on OVW, moonlighting on Sunday Night Heat and Velocity. But one day in June 2002, everything changed. Backstage soaking in the environment of Smackdown, John was fascinated with the limelight. Eager to see every nook and cranny, every turn and corner of main roster life, he found himself in Guerilla, watching the live feed along with the producers. His curiosity turns to excitement and eagerness, when he sees the Olympic Gold Medalist in the ring, holding a microphone. Kurt Angle throws out an open challenge for anyone wanting to prove themselves against the Wrestling Machine. And suddenly… Cena sees his chance to make himself a star.
One Hour Later…
Cena gets dressed, ready to head home for the night. He didn’t win against Kurt… but answering the open challenge was just what he needed. A taste of what was to come. A sneak peak at the future of his burgeoning career. John shakes hands with a lot of the veterans in the locker room, the likes of Taker, Billy Gunn, and Rikishi having already taken him under their wings after seeing his heart and passion in the ring. Cena smiles as he leaves the locker room, mind set on getting inside the bus and crashing into a deep slumber. But John’s smile fades, his entire face turning to one of confusion when he’s handed an envelope by one of the producers. Walking out the door and getting hit with the sharp wind, John opens the envelope, and his heart drops…
A pink slip is held with an iron grip between his fingers. Everything he was dreaming of, slowly sinking to the depths of Hell before his very eyes. Just another young gun, sent to the dogs by Vinny Mac himself. He saw his chance, took it… and still got canned. Cena feels the cold, unforgiving wind snatch away the pink slip, sending it flying into the night sky along with his career.
July 17th, 2002
In the heart of Nashville, Tennessee, the raucous TNA Asylum buzzes with anticipation as fans eagerly await the latest weekly PPV. Tonight, the atmosphere crackles with excitement as the reigning NWA World Champion, the World's Most Dangerous Man, Ken Shamrock, is scheduled for an exclusive interview segment. The Asylum is adorned with the regal insignia of the National Wrestling Alliance and the young TNA logo as the cameras focus in on the interview area. Ken Shamrock, with the prestigious NWA World Championship draped over his shoulder, stands tall backstage for an interview with a respected wrestling journalist. Shamrock exudes an aura of dominance and confidence as he speaks about his championship reign and the legacy of the NWA World Championship. He emphasizes the importance of competition and vows to defend the title against all comers.
As the interview progresses, Shamrock drops a bombshell announcement that electrifies the audience. With a smirk, he declares an open challenge for later that night, inviting any wrestler in the locker room to step up and face him in the ring for the NWA World Championship. The declaration sends shockwaves through the arena, as fans and wrestlers alike buzz with anticipation at the prospect of witnessing an impromptu championship match.
As the night unfolds and the main event draws near, speculation runs rampant about who will answer Shamrock's open challenge. Will it be a seasoned veteran looking to reclaim past glory? Or perhaps a hungry up-and-comer seeking to make a name for themselves on the grand stage? As the arena pulses with excitement, the moment arrives. Ken Shamrock stands in the center of the ring, microphone in hand, ready to address the crowd once more. Suddenly, the arena erupts into cheers as a familiar theme hits the speakers. To the surprise of everyone in attendance, a young and determined John Cena emerges from the curtain, his eyes locked on the NWA World Championship held high by Shamrock. Half of the crowd doesn’t recognize him, while the most in the know fans slowly remember the story of a young gun challenging Kurt Angle on Smackdown and immediately being fired to the outrage of many WWE vets and officials alike. It seems as if the big corporation has dropped the ball on a young talent, and he’s decided to take his chance in the biggest way possible.
NWA World Championship: Ken Shamrock (c) vs John Cena
With a smirk of confidence, Cena steps forward to accept Shamrock's challenge, setting the stage for an unexpected clash between the seasoned champion and the rookie sensation. In a match filled with intensity and drama, Shamrock and Cena trade blows in a hard-fought battle for the NWA World Championship. Despite Shamrock's experience and tenacity, Cena showcases his raw talent and determination, refusing to back down. The building erupts with every blow, soon having everyone on the edge of their seat.
Shamrock and Cena engage in a fierce battle for the NWA World Championship. Despite Cena's raw talent and determination, Shamrock's experience and tenacity prove to be too much to overcome. Throughout the match, Shamrock demonstrates his mastery of submission holds and ground-and-pound tactics, wearing down Cena with each punishing blow. Despite Cena's valiant efforts, Shamrock refuses to stay down, fighting tooth and nail to retain his championship. In the end, after a grueling contest, Ken Shamrock emerges victorious, securing the win and solidifying his status as the undisputed NWA World Champion.
Ken Shamrock defeats John Cena to retain the NWA World Championship (14:29)
Despite losing to Shamrock, Cena's debut in TNA sparks many headlines and rumors, the young star once again proving himself against a seasoned vet. He continues to rise in TNA, consistently opening the shows throughout the summer and putting on banger matches with the likes of Sabu, Jerry Lyn, and Raven. By September, John says he might’ve stumbled the first couple times when stepping up to the plate. But he promises… next time, he won’t flinch, and he won’t hesitate to finish the job.
September 25, 2002
In the vibrant world of Total Nonstop Action Wrestling, John Cena has had a great summer proving himself, and showing the world what he’s made of. The TNA Asylum has grown to love the Prototype, his humble and simple gear hiding the fact that he’s one of the industry’s leading young stars. The crowd is already buzzing with excitement when it’s announced John is slated to be in the semi main event, a big jump from being TNA’s regular opener. But they get even more buckwild when tonight's event promises an electrifying showdown between two rising stars: rookie sensation John Cena and the high-flying prodigy, AJ Styles. Both Cena and Styles have been making waves in TNA since their debuts, capturing the attention of fans and management alike with their unique styles and undeniable charisma. The big screen shows both men preparing for war. Cena shadowboxing and Styles hitting a round of push ups to get the blood flowing. It’s about to get crazy in the Asylum.
John Cena vs AJ Styles
As the Asylum fills to capacity, the atmosphere crackles with excitement. The crowd roars with anticipation as Cena's familiar theme music blares over the speakers, signaling his arrival. Dressed in his trademark gear and brimming with confidence, Cena struts to the ring, soaking in the adulation of the fans. Moments later, the arena erupts once again as AJ Styles makes his grand entrance, his aerial maneuvers and flashy attire captivating the audience. With a determined look in his eyes, Styles locks his gaze on Cena, ready to prove himself against his formidable opponent.
The match begins with a flurry of action, as Cena and Styles trade holds and counterholds, each showcasing their respective strengths and skills. The crowd is on the edge of their seats as the momentum shifts back and forth between the two rookies. In the climax of the match, Styles executes a breathtaking series of high-flying maneuvers, springboarding to knock John off his feet both inside and outside the ring. Finally getting him woozy enough, his offense culminates in his signature Styles Clash, the audience popping for the deadly finisher. With a thunderous impact, Cena crashes to the canvas, and the referee counts the pinfall.
AJ Styles defeats John Cena (15:01)
As the bell rings, signaling Styles' victory, the Center Stage Theater erupts in cheers and applause. Styles celebrates his hard-fought win, basking in the adulation of the crowd. Meanwhile, Cena lies on the mat, visibly frustrated and bitter over his defeat. The loss serves as a wake-up call for Cena, igniting a fire within him to prove himself even more and ascend to the top of the wrestling world. He picks himself up, and storms away, not satisfied with putting on a great show. He wants more. And whatever it takes to BE more, he will do it by any means necessary.
Following big loss after big loss, Cena grows frustrated with his lack of success in TNA. Determined to make a name for himself, he is on the verge of a major transformation. As he struggles to find his footing in the competitive landscape of TNA, Cena decides it’s time to make a change. One that will unlock his full potential and give him the footing he needs to cement himself as a star that’s here to stay. Cena begins to enter the Asylum every week with newfound swagger and charisma, bubbling with arrogance as he captivates the audience with his razor-sharp wit and cutting edge promos, earning the admiration of some fans while drawing the ire of others.
Cena puts his head down and begins to work, knowing a bunch of talk isn’t enough to shake things up. He goes back to opening shows back to back, tearing the house down with guys like BG James, Christopher Daniels, and K Krush. He begins to see a shift in his fortunes in TNA, finally forcing the doubts in his head to become more quiet with every passing day. Bolstered by his newfound confidence and aggression, Cena embarks on a winning streak, dominating his opponents with a combination of ruthless aggression and cunning tactics. With each victory, Cena's ego swells, and his interactions with fans and fellow wrestlers become increasingly confrontational. He revels in the mixed reception of the crowd, embracing his role as a polarizing figure in TNA.
As Cena's winning streak continues, his evolution into something more fierce becomes increasingly apparent. Gone is the affable rookie who once endeared himself to the fans; in his place stands a calculating and ruthless competitor willing to do whatever it takes to achieve victory. Cena's promos grow more abrasive and antagonistic, as he mocks his opponents and trolls the fans who once cheered him on.
November 6th, 2002
Another weekly banger of a show kicks off in the TNA Asylum. The fans are going crazy as another lineup of matches makes their excitement double and triple. Everyone is going crazy as the main event of tonight’s Asylum show is revealed… TNA X Champion AJ Styles defending his title against none other than Jerry Lynn.
In the heart of Nashville, Tennessee, the Asylum buzzes with anticipation as TNA Wrestling prepares for another thrilling night of action. Tonight's event features a highly anticipated match for the TNA X Championship, with reigning champion AJ Styles set to defend his title against the seasoned veteran Jerry Lynn.
As AJ Styles makes his way to the ring, the crowd erupts in cheers, eager to witness another exhilarating display of athleticism from the X Champion. As Styles makes his entrance, soaking in the adulation of the crowd, a man strikes with ruthless efficiency. With a sudden burst of speed, he ambushes Styles from behind, blindsiding him with a steel chair and laying waste to the X Champion with a barrage of vicious strikes. It’s John Cena, completing his descent into darkness, deciding his first victim will be the very loss that made him make the switch. The Asylum erupts into chaos as referees and security personnel rush to intervene, desperately trying to separate Cena from his helpless prey. But Cena is relentless, driven by a thirst for vengeance and a desire to make a statement at Styles' expense. After half a dozen officials and referees pour out, Cena decides he’s done enough, dropping the chair at the carcass of his unfortunate victim. Styles is already bleeding, clutching his ribs and back as Jerry Lynn watches on. But as his attacker walks off, Styles shocks the entire building by pressing forward, stumbling to the ring, dragging his title behind him. Determined to be the fighting champion he promised he would always be. Lynn looks him up and down, the referee asking AJ once, twice, three times if he’s able to compete. Styles winces and nods, and before you know it, the bell rings.
TNA X Championship: AJ Styles (c) vs Jerry Lynn
As the match gets underway, the crowd erupts with excitement as Styles and Lynn lock up in the center of the ring. Styles, known for his agility and aerial prowess, struggles to find his footing as Lynn presses the attack, targeting Styles' injured ribs with ruthless precision. Despite his best efforts, Styles is unable to shake off the effects of his injury, hampering his ability to execute his trademark high-flying maneuvers. With each passing minute, the pain becomes increasingly unbearable, threatening to derail his chances of victory.
As the match wears on, Styles fights through the pain, drawing upon every ounce of determination and resilience within him to stay in the fight. However, Lynn, sensing an opportunity to capitalize on Styles' weakened state, unleashes a relentless assault, battering Styles from pillar to post with a series of punishing holds and strikes.The crowd watches in silent anticipation as Styles valiantly attempts to mount a comeback, but his injured ribs betrays him at every turn, leaving him vulnerable to Lynn's relentless onslaught.
In the final moments of the match, Styles digs deep, summoning one last burst of energy in a desperate bid to turn the tide. With the crowd on their feet, he launches himself into the air, attempting to hit a springboard forearm! But the effort proves to be too much for Styles' battered body, and in a cruel twist of fate, his injured ribs receive a sharp kick from Lynn in mid air, sending him crashing to the canvas in a heap. Lynn drags Styles to his feet, and DROPS him with a cradle piledriver. As the referee counts the pinfall, the Asylum falls silent, overcome with a sense of heartbreak and disappointment at seeing one of their heroes fall short in his moment of need. With a heavy heart, Styles’ eyes glaze over as Lynn is declared the winner, his dreams of victory shattered by the cruel hand of fate.
Jerry Lynn defeats AJ Styles to win the TNA X Championship (20:47)
By the time order is restored, Styles lies battered and bruised in the center of the ring, his chances of competing in the scheduled match against Jerry Lynn dashed by Cena's brutal assault. In the aftermath of the title change, Cena stands tall amidst the wreckage, a malevolent grin spreading across his face as he revels in the chaos he has wrought. After delivering a nasty FU to Styles, leaving him even more broken than before, the crowd drowns Cena in boos, finally fully turning on him. But all he can do is smile. With the X Championship now in his sights, Cena's reign of terror has only just begun, leaving a trail of destruction in his wake as he asserts his dominance in TNA as the ruthless Doctor of Thuganomics.
In the fast paced world of Total Nonstop Action Wrestling, the X Championship is the symbol of athleticism, innovation, and excitement. Three competitors. Jerry Lynn, AJ Styles, and the brash newcomer, Doctor of Thuganomics John Cena find themselves entangled in a bitter feud over the coveted title. After losing the title to Lynn due to Cena’s brutal attack before the match, Styles is on a mission to make someone pay. He only has eyes on regaining the gold, and claiming revenge. He returns from his injuries a month after the match, defeating Amazing Red in a clinic of a match, before calling out Lynn, and threatening Cena with the prospect of a shortened career if he thinks about involving himself again.
Jerry Lynn successfully defends his X Championship against a string of challengers while Styles is out, claiming that he’s taken the throne as the ultimate fighting champion. He cuts promos and has interviews before and after his matches, pushing the narrative that he’s been the greatest champion this company has ever seen. Eventually, Styles has had enough, and hits the scene to confront him. AJ calls Lynn a fluke champion, and says the moment they face each other again, the world will know how much bullshit he’s been spouting. Lynn slaps the taste out of AJ’s mouth, causing the young star to lose his mind, wailing on Lynn until referees come out to separate the two! Lynn laughs off the altercation, and walks off, ready to leave for the night. But in a moment of pure irony, he gets the taste slapped out of HIS mouth, causing him to drop his title. Cena pounces, throwing Lynn into his own car door and standing over him with his own title.
“Be grateful I let you have this. Because it’s coming home soon, bitch…”
Tensions are reaching a fever pitch. The Asylum is begging for this match to happen, and finally to the excitement of everyone, it’s confirmed. The X Champion Jerry Lynn defends his coveted title against the pissed off prodigy AJ Styles and the hard hitting loudmouth John Cena. Be there or die!
December 18th, 2002
In the electric atmosphere of the Asylum, the X Championship is on the line in a highly anticipated match featuring three of the promotion's most dynamic competitors: the reigning champion, Jerry Lynn, the high-flying sensation AJ Styles, and the brash newcomer, Doctor of Thuganomics John Cena. With tensions simmering between all three it’s finally time to capitalize and give the fans what they want! Footage shows Jerry Lynn being approached by an interviewer. The champ is unfazed, being a seasoned veteran with a storied history in the business. But he promises, the last thing he’s doing is underestimating the competition. Later on in the night, the two hungry young lions are seen warming up backstage, ready to take their chance to transform from challenger to champion. As the match draws near, anticipation reaches a fever pitch, with fans and wrestlers alike speculating about who will emerge victorious in this clash of titans.
TNA X Championship: Jerry Lynn (c) vs AJ Styles vs John Cena
As the bell rings, the three competitors waste no time in launching into action, trading lightning-fast strikes and high-flying maneuvers in a dizzying display of athleticism and skill. The pace of the match is relentless, with Lynn, Styles, and Cena each showcasing their bold offense, and near superhuman strengths and abilities. Throughout the match, the tide of momentum shifts back and forth, as Lynn, Styles, and Cena each come close to securing victory with near falls and close calls. The Asylum is on its feet, captivated by the breathtaking spectacle unfolding before their eyes.
In the final moments of the match, chaos ensues as Lynn delivers his signature Cradle Piledriver to Cena, leaving him dazed and vulnerable on the canvas. Lynn tries to make the pin, but STYLES OUT OF NOWHERE, SPIRAL TAP SENDS HIM CRASHING INTO BOTH MEN! THE PIN IS BROKEN! Cena rolls out while Lynn and Styles slowly climb to their feet, and go blow for blow, keeping the fans on edge as they root back and forth! Lynn attempts a Cradle Piledriver on AJ, but he escapes, wriggling through the legs and delivering a nasty forearm to the back of the head. Lynn falls forward, and Styles grabs him up, trying to set up a Styles Clash! Lynn lifts out of it, forcing AJ to fly over the top rope! Lynn falls to the mat, desperately trying to recover. He slowly regains balance, standing up and turning around, STRAIGHT INTO A SPRINGBOARD FOREARM, JESUS!
Styles, rushing as fast as he can, lifts Lynn and sets up for the Clash! It’s almost over! He hooks the arms, deathgrip with the hands, and SLAMS HIM FULL CONTACT TO THE MAT! It’s OVER! AJ flips him over, ONLY TO BE DRAGGED OUTSIDE THE RING! Cena HEADBUTTS Styles, and hits a brutal FU, sending AJ back first into the steel steps! Cena jumps onto Lynn, the referee sliding into position, and making the pin. 1… 2… 3. The Asylum erupts in disbelief as the referee declares John Cena the new X Champion. Cena's victory comes at the expense of Styles, who valiantly fought for redemption, only to be denied the championship in the closing moments.
John Cena defeats AJ Styles & Jerry Lynn to win the TNA X Championship (14:48)
As Cena celebrates his hard-fought victory, the Asylum is divided in its reaction, with some fans cheering his triumph while others voice their displeasure at the controversial ending to the match. Meanwhile, Styles and Lynn exchange a tired, knowing glance. Their mutual respect is thrown into the melting pot with anger, frustration, and the thirst for gold. On the final show of 2002, a week before Christmas no less, Cena rides off into the sunset with his head held high. Happy fucking holidays.
The year is now 2003. Despite the Christmas break and New Year’s festivities, ain’t shit to smile about when the new X Champion returns from vacation. The former Prototype emerges in the form of Doctor of Thuganomics John Cena. With the championship belt gleaming around his waist, Cena struts through the backstage corridors of the Asylum, exuding an air of arrogance and entitlement. A thick steel chain hangs around his neck with a padlock on the end, Cena tapping it with the title as he shoves producers and jabronis out of the way. An interviewer prepares for his arrival, ready to dig for some insight into the mind of the X Champion. But Cena brushes past her without a glance, flat out declining a place on the hot seat, for once not taking the opportunity to run his mouth.
Cena wastes no time in asserting his dominance, entering the Asylum to a chorus of boos. John smirks, before raising his title and turning his ballcap to the side as he joins commentary. He watches the first match of the night, staring down both competitors intensely, losing focus to verbally dunk on the commentators every once in a while. The second match goes down the same way, but by the third, Cena takes it up a notch. In the closing moments of Ron Killings vs Christopher Daniels, the Fallen Angel prepares for the deathblow. Gripping the ropes, he shoots up for the Best Moonsault Ever, only for the bell to suddenly ring out as he lands on the top rope! He looks over to see Cena obnoxiously banging the ring bell, forcing all eyes on him. Snatching a mic from the timekeeper, he announces that he’s bored, demanding this get wrapped up. Daniels yells out to him, only to get knocked off the top rope by Killings! Cena collects his title and walks off, glancing at Killings attacking Daniels on the outside ferociously.
Cena doesn’t stop there. The Doctor of Thuganomics tears down posters of the TNA roster backstage, replacing them with advertisements for his next show. Pictures of himself adorned with the X Championship line the walls, serving as a constant reminder of his supremacy. His fellow wrestlers are met with sneers and dismissive remarks, as Cena makes it clear that he considers himself untouchable. Despite this, potential challengers emerge from the ranks of TNA's rising stars. Cena takes pleasure in undermining their confidence and stoking the flames of animosity. He conducts interviews filled with insults and boasts, belittling his opponents and scoffing at their aspirations to dethrone him. Backstage altercations become a regular occurrence as Cena's arrogance rubs his fellow wrestlers the wrong way. His taunts and provocations only serve to further fuel the growing resentment towards him.
Inside the ring, Cena's tactics become increasingly nefarious as he resorts to interference and cheating to maintain his grip on the X Championship. He inserts himself into matches involving potential challengers, lurking at ringside to distract or attack them at the opportune moment. Costing Chris Sabin a #1 contender's match against Amazing Red leaves the Detroit native furious, being screwed out of an opportunity to rise up in the company. Red promises Sabin a shot if he manages to win. But that doesn’t work out. John bullies Red, throwing him around like he’s made of dust. He stumbles at times when the small upstart gives him a run for his money, but he manages to quench the flame, overpowering Red and landing an FU for the win. Despite the clean dominant win, referees still find themselves constantly on edge, wary of Cena's underhanded tactics but often powerless to prevent them. Cena exploits every loophole and bends every rule to his advantage, leaving a trail of controversy and frustration in his wake.
Despite the backlash from his peers and the disdain of the fans, Cena's reign of terror shows no signs of abating. With each passing week, he becomes more emboldened, relishing in the chaos and turmoil he creates. As TNA's X Champion, Cena's stranglehold on the title tightens, leaving incoming young rookies with no hope of having a chance at stardom. Whether through intimidation, manipulation, or outright cheating, he will stop at nothing to retain his championship and solidify his status as the most despised figure in TNA. And as long as Cena holds the X Championship, the reign of Thuganomics will continue to cast a shadow over the world of professional wrestling.
John’s ego grows with every passing day holding the strap in his iron grip. But lurking in the shadows of the Asylum is a formidable challenger, none other than the former champion, Jerry Lynn. As rumors swirl of Jerry Lynn's imminent return, anticipation reaches a fever pitch among TNA fans. Lynn, a seasoned veteran with a storied history before he even joined the company, vows to reclaim the championship he once held with pride. His words send shockwaves through the wrestling world, igniting a firestorm of speculation and excitement.
In the weeks leading up to their showdown, Cena and Lynn engage in a war of words, trading barbs and insults in backstage confrontations and fiery promos. Cena, ever the brash and arrogant champion, dismisses Lynn as a relic of the past, unworthy of sharing the ring with him. He already got his title, and embarrassed him enough to not show his face for a month. He’s the last person on Cena’s mind. But Lynn refuses to back down, vowing to teach Cena a lesson in humility and respect. As tensions escalate, the animosity between Cena and Lynn spills over into physical altercations, with backstage brawls erupting at every turn. Their clashes leave a trail of destruction in their wake, as furniture is overturned, walls are punched through, and security personnel struggle to maintain order. Meanwhile, TNA management scrambles to contain the chaos, fearing that the impending showdown between Cena and Lynn could tear the promotion apart.
February 19th, 2003
At another weekly PPV, the stage is set for a showdown of epic proportions as Cena defends his X Championship against Lynn in a highly anticipated match. The atmosphere is electric as the two competitors make their grand entrances, their eyes locked in a steely gaze of determination.
TNA X Championship: John Cena (c) vs Jerry Lynn
From the opening bell, the match is a brutal and hard-fought affair, with Cena using every trick in the book to maintain his advantage. But Lynn, fueled by years of experience and a burning desire for redemption, refuses to stay down, mounting a ferocious counterattack that leaves Cena reeling. In the climax of the match, with victory within his grasp, Lynn prepares to deliver his signature Cradle Piledriver to Cena. But before he can execute the move, Cena cunningly rakes Lynn's eyes, temporarily blinding him and leaving him vulnerable to Cena's devastating FU finisher. With Lynn incapacitated, Cena seizes the opportunity to make the cover, as the referee counts the three-count, declaring Cena the winner and still X Champion. The Asylum erupts in huge boos as Cena celebrates his tainted victory, while Lynn lies battered and defeated in the center of the ring, his dreams of reclaiming the championship shattered.
John Cena defeats Jerry Lynn to retain the TNA X Championship (13:17)
Cena laughs, placing a Timberland boot on Lynn’s chest, raising his title with pride. Stone washed jeans and his trademark padlock chain on his neck. The Champ… is here.

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Synopsis:
Juliette Contzen is a lazy, good-for-nothing princess. Overshadowed by her siblings, she's left with little to do but nap, read … and occasionally cut the falling raindrops with her sword. Spotted one day by an astonished adventurer, he insists on grading Juliette's swordsmanship, then promptly has a mental breakdown at the result.
Soon after, Juliette is given the news that her kingdom is on the brink of bankruptcy. At threat of being married off, the lazy princess vows to do whatever it takes to maintain her current lifestyle, and taking matters into her own hands, escapes in the middle of the night in order to restore her kingdom's finances.
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Action, Fantasy, Copious Ohohohohos.
Chapter 248: A Lesson In The Making
I woke up to the sight of a pillow in my face.
But this wasn’t an assassination attempt so half-hearted that dumping a fruit slime on my head would be more effective.
No, this was a carefully optimised pose.
Just as I stood as straight as a reed when inspecting the new strawberry shortcakes in the kitchens, so too did I lay with my arms splayed, face against the pillow as I assessed the improvements made upon the Winter Queen’s bed.
My verdict …
“Heheheheh …”
Yes.
I was satisfied.
Silken sheets as soft as powdery snow. Pillows immersed in the scent of freshly blooming daisies. Spring and winter entwined. A song of honey bees and snow fawns.
A truly exquisite bed by every metric–the delicate laughter of a princess being the highest of them.
But the true reason I was smiling into a pillow fluffier than a meadow wasn’t because this was the finest bed I’d ever sloppily arranged myself on.
No … it was because it was only the second best.
“Heheheh … heheho … ohoho …”
Indeed … my own bed was still superior!
Meticulously improved over years of daily adjustments, I had personally and painstakingly overseen the servants tasked with carrying the various bed frames and mattresses up the steps of my tower until I was satisfied. And then once I was satisfied, I repeated the process until I was more than satisfied.
The result?
A bed that not even the magic of two seasons could hope to reach.
Ohohoho! A pity for the Spring Queen!
Why, she did not understand what luxury truly entailed! Had she merely wished to see dreams beyond the beauty of the twilight horizon, she should have sought to pilfer my own bed, not her sister’s!
For despite its snowy softness, there was one major defect which separated her bed from my own.
I was awake.
This, frankly, was a significant demerit.
Even as I burrowed my face in the pillow, I could sense the veil of night on me like a second duvet. And as fine as a bed of fae magic was, it was little good to me if I somehow woke before the kitchen staff.
Thus–I went back to sleep.
Performing the necessary ritual to imbue slumber, I pressed my face deeper into the pillow. When that failed, I hugged it and rolled to my side. When that failed, I rolled to my other side. And then I rolled again and again, back and forth as I cradled the pillow in my arms.
At last, I felt my eyelids fluttering as my body relaxed … and then failed to sleep.
Now it had gone from a significant demerit to an inexcusable blemish.
Why, there was no scenario where I’d still be conscious after performing my full array of pre-sleep manoeuvres! That was a tried-and-tested routine more effective than any alchemist’s potion or spell!
In fact … I felt wide awake!
“Morning! How’d you sleep?”
Nor was I the only one!
I opened my eyes to the world. The dark, dark, world. No blistering sunlight came through the window of this freshly requisitioned tavern. Only a starless sky doing little to help reveal where Coppelia was stretching on the floor.
“Coppelia … ?” I said, rightfully confused as I blinked away my fatigue. “Do you often perform your stretches in the middle of the night … ?”
“Nope~ I prefer sleeping.”
“I see … are you perhaps suffering from insomnia, then?”
“Not at all. I slept really well! So did you.”
I shook my head, knowing what was to come.
“A mere illusion. As a princess, I always look better than how I feel. Yet the fatigue will doubtless come. I clearly haven’t slept long enough. And neither have you. Why, the time must be …”
“It’s currently 11 o’clock in the morning, generously rounded down by 51 minutes and 14 seconds.”
I rubbed my eyes.
Still dark. And now slightly blurry. I hope that wasn’t a problem.
“Really now, I’m afraid you’ll need to propose a more likely time should you wish to properly alarm me. For one thing, I’m not so slovenly as to rise so close to midday …”
I paused.
“... On consecutive days.”
Coppelia giggled, her energy always apparent no matter how little she slept.
“Nope~ that’s definitely the time!” she said confidently. “I checked my clockwork timekeeping against the clocktower in the town. Theirs is off by a whopping 16 minutes and 54 seconds.”
Now came my confusion.
I hugged my pillow as I blinked purposefully towards the window.
“It’s … It’s really almost midday?”
“Mmh! My clockwork timekeeping is faultless. It’s definitely the same time you claim we never wake up on consecutive days to. And yet I can recount at least–”
“Shhshhshh! That’s not important! … Coppelia, why is it so dark outside?”
“Well, I have good news, bad news and really bad news relating to that. Which do you want first?”
I pursed my lips … all the while squeezing my pillow firmer.
“... What is the good news?”
“The good news is that there’s a bakery downstairs that’s doing a 70% sale on crêpes.”
My pillow fell as I clapped my hands in delight.
Why, that was wonderful!
At such worryingly suspicious prices, I could afford to purchase enough emergency provisions to ensure that both Apple and Coppelia were fed for at least an hour!
“T-Truly? … If so, we have no time to waste! If it’s so late in the day, the crêpes are certain to have almost sold out by now!”
“Ahaha, don’t worry~” Coppelia gave a dismissive wave. “Nobody’s really bothering with buying treats right now. That’s where the bad news kicks in.”
I hesitated.
Frankly, it must truly be awful if time could not be spared for important nutrition. The type famously found warmed and layered amidst whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles.
“Very well … what is the bad news? Surely, it’s nothing which cannot be overridden by the sheer volume of bakery provisions we’re about to purchase.”
“Well, you know the sun which usually hangs around your sky?”
I briefly closed my eyes as I parsed Coppelia’s sentence.
“... Yes? What about the sun which always, without fail, hangs around my sky?”
“It’s gone.”
I gave a short nod.
Very well.
That was somewhat bad news.
I would acknowledge that.
“I see … are you certain?”
“Yup. Pretty certain.”
“... Very well, and what is the really bad news, then?”
“The really bad news is that instead of the sun, a super big, super ominous black hole is there instead. It’s sort of pulsing, on fire and giving off this really sinister aura.”
Coppelia stretched her toe to meet her pinky, idly continuing with her stretching routine.
A moment later, I nodded. Naturally, her words were somewhat concerning. But I was a princess. The very picture of calm and serenity.
… Which was why I was no less calm and serene as I tossed aside the pillow and duvet both, before hopping out of my bed and hurrying over to the window in a fit of morning bed hair.
I slammed my palms down against the wooden frame as I leaned out. And then I stopped being the picture of calm and serenity.
“Who … Who stole the sun from my sky … ?!”
My eyes widened to the sight.
To glance up and see the sun hiding behind the clouds wasn’t unusual. All children were taught not to stare at bright things. And there was only so many seconds the sun could look down at me before it was forced to turn its gaze.
What was unusual, however, was that the sun wasn’t even there at all.
There was an endless brush of midnight, sweeping away even the stars.
Instead of the sun shining over my fair realm and burning my irises, there was a ring of darkness silhouetted by magic so visceral even my eyes could see it. Tendrils stretched out from its circular form, dragging in shafts of sunlight which were attempting to fold around it.
Excellent.
That was most excellent.
Why, the sun hadn’t vanished at all! It was merely being absorbed by a giant black hole in front of it! One which pulsed like an egg seeking to hatch while an aura of sickly malice ringed its fiery form!
Indeed … that was much better!
“Coppelia … what are the chances both of us are hallucinating due to overexposure to the countryside?”
“I’d say very low. The rest of the town are already huddling in their basements and wardrobes, convinced the world is about to end.”
“I see … and is it?”
“Nah. An ominous black hole this size isn’t enough to doom the world. Just your tiny kingdom.”
I nodded, my finger tapping against the window frame.
An eclipse.
A shadow.
A hole.
It was all of those things. A blot so unnatural it did not flee from the light.
It consumed it.
And that meant a calamity greater than any plague to sweep across our fields. For this touched more than my kingdom’s wheat.
It was an omen of the end.
A signpost telling every farmer in my realm to rush to the arms of the nearest barbarian selling a fully furnished homestead to the afterlife. For what was treasonous nobility and plotting vagabonds compared to darkness itself hovering over rooftops?
Indeed, it was a sight to cause any princess to drop to her knees in fright, clinging to themselves like a castaway holding onto flotsam.
Which was why, against such a perilous sight … it was all I could do to gently lean through the window, my eyes wide upon the darkened horizon and the doom which hovered over us all.
And then–
I asked it a single question.
“... Is this all you have?”
Slowly, I raised a hand to my lips … and offered a maidenly smile to the blackened sky. A gift of sweetness to all watching from beyond it.
“Oho … ohohoh … ohhohohohohoho!!”
My beautiful laughter filled the solemn air, breaking the hold of lightlessness as horrified gazes from Hartzwiese’s streets turned in their droves to me instead.
“Oooh, are we allowed to laugh?” asked Coppelia excitedly. “I didn’t know that! I thought for sure you’d get annoyed if I laughed … but what are you laughing at? Because I don’t want to laugh if we’re actually laughing at different things.”
“That’s very unlikely, Coppelia. I’m laughing at the only thing there is.”
“... Your kingdom’s inevitable demise?”
“No, Coppelia. I’m laughing at them.”
“Them?”
“Them.”
I pointed everywhere.
The ceiling. The window. The walls.
For my adversaries were countless. And so were my audience who wished to indulge in a sight rarer than a macaron tower still symmetrical after being brought up to my bedroom tower.
Me. Juliette Contzen. 3rd Princess to the Kingdom of Tirea. Winner of the inaugural Princess of the Year competition before I was even born. Shamed. Broken. Defeated.
And were I a lesser princess, they would have their wish.
Others would look to the sky and see the darkness come to swallow their every effort whole.
… But me?
I saw only desperation.
“Someone … Someone out there wishes for me to drop to my knees in despair, Coppelia. Whether it is a tea party of fae queens eating bricks around a rocking horse or the lady of fate herself, I can feel it. This … opportunism as flagrant as shredded carrots in a cupcake!”
I tightly squeezed my fists.
“Make no mistake, that a hole in my sky should appear the moment I seek to return to my orchard is no coincidence. There are as many eyes wishing for me to fail as there are hearts to overflow with jealousy. But I will neither bend nor break. I am Juliette Conzen. And I fear the scuttling in the ceiling more than the whims of my audience!”
I stepped away from the window and twirled on the spot, arms dramatically raised in open invitation towards all four walls, before settling on the blackened horizon.
“... So I ask again–is this all you have? A black hole in my sky? Why not two black holes? Why not three? How dare you insult me with this cakewalk. What are you trying to do? Send me to sleep? Why don’t you fill my sky with a falling meteor gift wrapped from the hells? Or innumerable rifts spitting out horned demons and creatures of chaos?”
“Ooh, ooh! Why not dinosaurs? Just loads of dinosaurs raining from the sky? That’d be awesome!”
“Yes, why not a veritable shower of scaled reptilian behemoths descending from the heavens?”
“And cats! Lots of cats!”
“W-What? No, Coppelia, that’s awful … but everything other than cats, I heartily dare–no, I double dare, triple dare. Because a single black hole sucking up the sun means less to me than a caterpillar on a leaf. So please–throw every calamity at me. Throw them all at the same time. I insist. That would allow me to be more efficient. I’ll erase them all, again and again and again, only to forget them beneath the boughs of my orchard. I shall return to read my books, roll on my grass and fire my servants. And there is nothing any of you celestial tramps, abyssal horrors, hellish fiends or fae gremlins can do to stop me!”
I waited for a response.
Only silence dared answer me … and also the giggling by my loyal handmaiden, whose wish to see dinosaurs raining from the sky would need to wait until the powers that be had the courage to raise their heads and accept my challenge.
“I mean, I don’t know about celestial tramps, abyssal horrors, hellish fiends or fae gremlins, but I think a single black hole of doom is probably the limit of what any mages conspiring with them can do.”
“Excuse me?”
“Mages.”
“What mages?”
“The ones in the shiny tower right beneath the black hole.”
I squinted into the distance.
Lacking Coppelia’s eyesight, nothing could be seen amidst the darkened horizon. But I knew every tower which sought to compete with my own. And of all that held enough boredom within its walls to see the sun being replaced by a ring of darkness, there was only one.
The Royal Institute of Mages.
I clicked my tongue at once.
Of course.
Mages.
Because why not?
The home of magical learning and research in my kingdom. A lavish tower funded generations ago by my own ancestors to keep the best, the worst, and the most ambitious under a watchful eye.
Clearly, someone had fallen asleep. And they would all need awakening.
“... So the most likely culprits reveal themselves,” I said, as unimpressed as I was unsurprised. “Can mages not exist for one moment without causing calamity? … At the very least, if they were going to break the fabric of existence merely to spite me, why not do it in a rival kingdom!”
“Look on the bright side. It could be worse.”
I nodded.
“Yes … for them, it will be.”
Thus, I sucked in a deep breath.
Very well!
A black hole in my sky was a new problem … but no matter!
I can fix this! … Somehow!
Maybe not now, but tomorrow, certainly! I might not have the answers at present, but future me did! And she was the only person more ingenious than I was!
Thus, I turned from the window and headed towards the door.
“Come, Coppelia! We make for the Royal Institute of Mages! It’s plain that mages are not taxed enough to suit their lifestyles! We shall relieve them of their boredom, their crowns and all their magical artifacts they keep hoarded from official appraisal!”
Coppelia hopped to her feet, arm stretched enthusiastically into the air.
“Compensation! Restitution! Fines so personally bankrupting they’ll work all their lives just to watch the interest spiral out of control!”
I smiled in joy, pleased that my loyal handmaiden understood the intricacies of my plan.
“By the way, I just have one question~”
“Yes, what is it? … If it’s about my plan, rest assured, I … well, I will explain it in due course!”
She nodded enthusiastically, doubtless as confident in future me as I was.
“Okie~ but what about the bakery?”
“Excuse me?”
“The crêpes are 70% off. Don’t you want to take advantage of that?”
I was aghast.
“Coppelia, this is no time to be consuming crêpes! There’s a literal black hole threatening my kingdom and the official release schedule of A Court Lady’s Indiscretion, Vol. 5! I am no vampire with a network of industry insiders under my influence! … I actually need to wait. We cannot afford to delay!”
“Oh, okay. I understand. It’s just that this one does new flavours we haven’t seen before.”
“New flavours? … Such as what?”
“Caramelised pistachio. Banana trifle sorbet. Hot chocolate ice cream. Strawberry shortcake surprise.”
My mouth widened.
Not at the thought of indulging in such rare … experimental … and fabulously enticing varieties of crêpe flavours … but at the suggestion we could loiter even a moment to–
“You’re drooling.”
“Ffftp.” I wiped a mysterious raindrop that’d seeped through the ceiling. “Very well. You secure us essential provisions. I shall have Apple say farewell to his legion of admiring farmers.”
“Yay~”
I nodded, the path ahead clear, and my loyal handmaiden’s morale secured.
Once our bakery bags were resupplied, we would make for a horizon weighed down by a curtain of darkness. Someone was responsible for casting a shadow over my kingdom. And I cared not how black their magic was.
My soles were even darker.
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