My boyfriend gets upset about a LOT of stuff. We share a small apartment and I am always getting in trouble for not doing something correct in his eyes.
I am going to list some of the stuff I have gotten told off for, please let me know if any of this seems reasonable or not because I am upset I keep getting criticized for what seems like really small things. He does not see these as small things, he sees my errors as a pattern of negligence and disrespect to his boundaries/stuff. TL;DR Do you think I should feel remorseful about these things? He is very upset if I indicated that I think these things aren't big issues and shouldn't matter.

• I put kitchen scissors on the deck (which was dry) after cutting something. To him the deck to his is dirty, he would not accept me washing them for him as a solution. He was very upset and asked me to buy new scissors.
• I installed some hooks in the closet for our flannel bathrobes to make space on the hangers. I hung his robe up and asked him to come and take a look and let me know if the new idea was okay. He got upset because I hung his robe up myself without his permission. I tried to explain I was just trying to demonstrate my idea, didn't matter.

-His laundry on the rack was dry and I needed to make some space to hang my own clothes. A pair of his pants was laid across the top taking up a lot of space. After feeling it to make sure it was dry I moved it over to hang a few of my damp items. He was upset I "touched his stuff" without asking him first. I had to apologize.
-We booth have electric scooters and need to charge them daily. The wiring in our apartment is unreliable and they usually shouldn't both be charging in the same outlet at the same time. He went to bed and I needed to charge my scooter for the next day. I wasn't sure if his was fully charged yet so I turn it on to make sure. It's charged, so I make the switch and start charging mine. He gets out of bed because he heard me turn his scooter on. He asks me "What the f*ck are you doing" I explain to him I was ensuring his scooter was charged before I unplugged it to charge mine. He tells me not to touch his stuff and he can't trust me because I always touch his stuff. I'm upset because I wa trying to be courteous making sure his was charged before I make the switch.

I am NOT OOP, OOP is u/AcceptableWar5433
Originally posted to AITAH
I think this woman is using me for free-childcare
Trigger Warnings: entitlement
Original Post: April 21, 2024
I 24M teach boxing in my spare time, and one day a week, I teach it to kids.
There's a mom who i'm starting to feel like is taking advantage of these classes.
She's increasingly late with picking up her kid after the session.
To give some context, this is a rich woman. It's not that she's out working a job. She is a stay at home parent. No other kids. She told me all this because another thing she loves to do is have really long conversations with me on top of already being late.
She's been late most of March (3 classes). I talked to her about it at the end of the month and she apologized and said it won't happen again. It did. x2 now. So I started timing her.
The second week of April (no class the first week), she arrived 45 minutes late. Then spent maybe 20 minutes talking to me. The other day, I timed her again. She got there around the 1 hour mark. I made a point to show her my timer and I gave her a warning that I will remove her kid from my class. She tried to derail the conversation so I raised the timer and turned it on again. She said I was being 'unjustifiably rude' (exact words).
I explained (politely) that I have other obligations and her consistent lateness throws my schedule off.
She didn't want to have this conversation, stomped to the driver's side of her car. Her kid lowered his window to say thank you and 'bye' to me. I told him bye and added 'tell your mom to stop being late'.
She reported our conversation to my boss but twisted it. She said that I threatened her kid with getting kicked out of the program. I didn't say it like that. And I didn't say it to her kid. There are other instructors, I was just implying (to her) that I won't have him in my group. My boss still gave me a lecture about how I don't have that power and can't make the statements I did. He went over professionalism and how i'm being too hard on this mom who could have other circumstances going on.
But i'm not getting paid for the hour after this class that I spend hanging out with her kid.
The kid's great.. but I have things to do.
For people who work with kids, what's the etiquette here? do I give parents grace?
I told my boss i'm going to start adding up all the hours and one of them is going to have to pay me.
AITAH?
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA
Relevant Comments
OOP on wanting to set in the boundaries and fine system for late pickups and to have the boss set the firm approach for it.

OOP: See. That's how it should be. Unfortunately, I don't think my boss has any policy around it judging from the way our conversation went. If this continues to be an issue, I'm going to push for compensation since his approach currently has me taking responsibility for it. I'll send an email to him about clarifying so I have some kind of a written response.

OOP on the policy and the front desk staff to deal with the phone calls to parents for pickups

OOP: There is no front desk. I didn't want to immediately escalate to CPS and cops before making some attempts with the mom. The (lack of?) policy is definitely an issue.. that I am now going to push to address/seek further info about.

OOP on getting paid for his time of the hours he did outside his duties

OOP: I added them up, sent it to him and everything— he told me he will only pay me moving forward. I should let it go, and then made a point to remind me that I volunteered for this job knowing it was new and there would be hiccups.

 
Update: May 1, 2024
Previous post.
I appreciate the advice I got on the post I made. I learned a lot from you.
Here's the update:
I took various notes from the people who gave me tips here. I wrote a detailed email to my boss and cc'd other people who run this program, including co-instructors. I did this for transparency, accountability, and to put pressure on my boss to provide a policy around the issue instead of him dealing with us all individually / case by case.
My boss didn't respond to the email, instead he called me in to see him. I kind of had a feeling he’d do that.
He asked me why I sent the email cc'ing everyone and was clearly not happy about my approach. He kept trying to minimize the situation, and make me feel that I am in the wrong. He told me that I'm being greedy. That my attitude about one parent being late is exaggerated and I'm looking for problems. I should essentially just wait around after-hours if I need to sometimes (unpaid) because it's a program for kids. I should do this with some heart and "Do it for the kids". I had to turn my face to hide the fact that I wanted to laugh in that moment. But mostly I was frustrated.
Having proper policies in place not only protects the staff, it protects the kids, not to mention his fucking business. After I made my perspective clear (in a mostly professional manner).. he came around a little.
Unfortunately, he flat out told me he will not back-pay me for the time that I've logged waiting for this mom, but he will implement a late policy moving forward. He's followed through on that. He tried to throw in other useless incentives for me. I didn't accept them.
That mom wasn't late this week. She did try to catch my eye when she picked her son up and I ignored her. She ended up getting out of her car and asked me if I saw her waving. I kept ignoring her. She wore me down because she kept following me around while I locked up. I informed her why she's getting the silent treatment. She apologized and also tried to write me a check on the spot. I didn't take the money. I told her... honestly, I might quit instead. I am sharing this because the woman clearly lives in her own world. Here, just take my money and stop being mad at me. I was so furious. It took everything in me to keep the words that I said to her to a minimum.
I am on the fence about just letting this go. Maybe the program will get smoother with time. It's not a lot of money worth fighting over... I am so disappointed in my boss. I’ve known him for a long time as a mentofriend. Being his employee has been something else. The program itself is very new and disorganized. Due to differences of opinion about how its run, I doubt I will stay with it.
This is my first time working a job that involves kids. My actual profession is unrelated to boxing. This was mostly something I picked up spontaneously, because I saw the merit in it and I wanted to do my part to help. I admit I could use the extra money too. I don’t mean to be greedy or stingy, but I live in an insanely expensive city and I take care of someone with expensive medical bills.
I haven't proof-read this, but it looks longer than I wanted it to be. I’m sorry. I’m tired.
Relevant Comments
OOP on being frustrated with his boss and the situation

OOP: I wouldn’t say I’m angry about the situation.. I think I am mostly frustrated with my boss’s approach in dealing with issues. It’s hard to convey all of it in writing but he’s extremely stubborn and hard headed. He takes unnecessary offence to constructive feedback and then holds grudges. Getting him to do anything is always more difficult than it needs to be. He will try to bulldoze you, there’s always friction no matter what you suggest. It shouldn’t have to be like that.
I think I’m coming to terms with the realization that he’s a great friend and mentor but a terrible person to collaborate or do business with. I wish he would have taken what I said more seriously instead of focusing so much on this being an isolated issue when it could easily happen again with another parent. Even though he’s implemented the new policies, he’s acting as if he did me a favor.
The person I was angry at, is the mom.. because of the way she talked to me and threw money at me. There was no understanding.
She was so quick to report me to my boss and twist my words last week, and this week shes at pickup trying to flag me to chat like it never happened. The entitlement of this woman. She can’t stand being ignored. And when I reminded her what she did she acted as if it was just a money problem. Who cares about the appointments I got late for and the trouble she caused me— she can write me a check right now and order me to stop being mad at her. It definitely rubbed me the wrong way.
I absolutely hear you though. Thank you.

WaitUntilIDie: You'd make the right call to cut your loses, see this as a learning opportunity for what is not only intolerable but most likely illegal. I can't think of any state where you can be expected to continue working without pay. Id go as far as to suggest reporting the hours you were unpaid to the labor board in your state if you are from the states.
You are being taken advantage of here, but you know that. Do what's best for you. I'm not only suggesting making the report so you get paid, but also to put this business on notice because you probably aren't the only person they will try to exploit this way especially after you've left and having that record is important to show a pattern of behavior on the business owners part.
ERVetSurgeon: Report him to the Dept of Labor at the federal level. You cannot force someone to stay on the job "off the clock." If they did that, you will get back pay.
Hellokitty55: I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You're NTA. You tried to level with your boss and get him to understand. I'm guessing he doesn't want any backlash bc of business. I wish there weren't people out there that takes advantage of kindness.
 
Last Update: May 13, 2024
Previous post: https://www.reddit.com/AITAH/s/7naOmsQ5tU
I got other instructors to get on my boss’s case with me. I also informed him I have to quit the kids class and I will quit the training I do with adults too / leave the gym and our friendship if he doesn’t hear me out respectfully.
The reason I wanted to avoid reporting my boss is because I have a relationship with him and nearly everyone at this gym going back almost 10 years. I didn’t want to resort to making a report without exploring every other option first.
My boss caved. I’ll get paid for the extra hours I logged on the next paycheck.
Moving forward, I will no longer teach the kids, because although we have a policy and late pickup fee in place, as it stands right now, instructors are still responsible to stay back until the last kid leaves and my boss doesn’t want to negotiate on that. I can’t stay behind after classes. I have other obligations the same day as the class I teach. It’s unfortunate because this one parent is the only one currently abusing the system because she can afford to.
That kid’s mom was late this week again by 30 minutes. Showed her my timer. I also told her I’ve quit. She asked me if the late warnings “reset” when a new instructor takes over (they don’t). She then tried to hire me out from under my boss as her kid’s private instructor. I said no, but I might reconsider if she ever wants lessons. I would love to give that woman hell.
Alright, that’s the end of that. I feel bad I couldn’t stick it out with this kids program but it’s too disorganized for me right now.
Relevant Comment
RaptorOO7: Sounds like she has zero respect for anyone else’s time, sure who doesn’t love money, but my time is money and I value my time a lot more than her money.
Good call not working for her who knows what kind of hell she would put you through.
People with money know that money talks and most will take it. When you don’t out of principle they just can’t understand it.

OOP: People like her ruin it for other parents and my boss refuses to implement a condition like .. X amount of lates will result in your kid being dropped from the class.

 

DO NOT COMMENT IN LINKED POSTS OR MESSAGE OOPs – BoRU Rule #7

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/IcemanEx54
GM Locked Me Out Of Interacting With Other Players Because I Got Confused
Originally posted to rpghorrorstories
TRIGGER WARNING: manipulation, controlling behavior, sexism
Original Post March 6, 2024
I'm a player in a tabletop RPG campaign and I just wanted to vent about this session. The GM uses a "rules light" homebrew system and it's his homebrew world as well. He's been doing this campaign for years now, but I just joined through a mutual friend after another player left recently.
When I joined the campaign, the GM had told me he wanted me to be from a particular country as a prince, and since it was his homebrewed world, I went with it. The country I'm a prince of is a massive empire that has conquered many lands. I wanted to be a morally good character so I made up a backstory where my prince had a secret romance with a commoner so it gave me more empathy and understanding than my other royal peers would have. Then in session 1, he had the commoner immediately break up with me since the players were all leaving the city session 1.
Several sessions later, there is a carnival being hosted in the empire and all the players are attending. The players split up and my part began with my character watching as a mentally handicap child was put in the dunk tank and was being dunked against his will. So I had my character help the child and stop the game (This isn't relevant to the larger story but I thought it was really weird). Then I am told I have to go to the "main stage" which is just a strip club seemingly. And of course, walking around topless serving drinks is my character's commoner love interest that I made in session 0. The GM laughs a bit and comments, "Isn't it funny? Look at what your ex has to do without you." I have my character give her the shirt off his back and we go to the outskirts of the carnival to find a quiet place to talk, but then the carnival was ambushed by some enemies as arrows and fire rained down on the parade.
Suddenly, my character and his ex are teleported back to the main stage and the GM starts jumping back and forth between all the player characters asking what we want to do without any sort of initiative and if we don't respond quickly enough he skips to another player. I ask, "What direction are the arrows coming from?" GM, "You can't tell". "Which direction to the palace?" I ask. "You don't know," he tells me. I'm honestly genuinely confused about what to do here and my mind goes blank, but then the GM has my bodyguard (a Brienne of Tarth type) tell me to follow her so I do. As he cuts back and forth, another player loses his mom in the chaos, I tell GM, "I want to help him find his mom." "You can't see him" GM tells me. Then I ended up surrounded by 12 ambushers in the "Pleasure Gardens". GM asked what I would do. I say since the carnival is burning, I look for a piece of wood on fire and since it's the pleasure gardens maybe there's some oil I can spill and light on fire to separate myself, my bodyguard, and ex who are all with me from the ambushers. He tells me there's no oil and then I'm held down by the men. I tried to escape, but he says I failed (he just did a dice roll behind his screen and didn't tell me the results). I am then hogtied by the ambushers with my bodyguard and ex and thrown in a cart. Meanwhile, the other two players have stolen a cart and are escaping. I try to do a goofy wave as my character is tied up towards my companions and he just says, the carts never pass each other so the other players don't see you. Before the session ends he tells me my bodyguard is dead.
After the session, I think my body language showed I was a bit bummed. So GM pipes in, "You want to know why you failed that encounter?" He proceeded to tell me it was because I followed my bodyguard and there was no way a woman could have protected me and I needed to make the choice instead. Some of the other players chimed in and said it was surprising my bodyguard failed since in the lore she was a 20-year veteran who survived "The Great War". The GM keeps defending his choice. Then he started making self-deprecating jokes about how he just sucks then and he's the worst GM ever until the other players all reassure him it's fine. I kind of just sat there shell-shocked.
His system reduces dice rolls to a rarity and he does them all himself as a "way to keep tension". I'm honestly more about hanging out with my friends than judging the quality of any campaign or system but this was my first "combat" of any sort in the campaign and I just felt so helpless in this system and it was frustrating. Plus there are no insight or persuasion rolls, just what the GM claims "my character would know" and "how his NPCs would act". So I'm not sure how I was supposed to handle this encounter. Being a GM myself, I thought he was using my bodyguard character to get me back on track, but I thought wrong. I honestly wouldn't have minded if he was just railroading me for a plot point, but him trying to manipulate me and saying his hands were tied when he essentially locked me out of interacting with the other players for the rest of the session is what bothers me the most.
Edit: Changed gaslighting to manipulating since I was using the term wrong and don't want to dilute it's meaning.
Update: GM Defends Style And Told Me He Owns My Character March 20, 2024
This is an update from my post a couple of weeks ago.
One of my friends in the group reached out to me and asked me to not leave the group. He told me there were only 2 sessions left and asked me to stick around as a favor to him. I told him I'd reach out to GM and see if we could get on the same page. So I texted the GM and told him I wanted to talk because I had some concerns after the way everything went down last session. He was down and we talked on the phone a couple of days later. To my surprise, the first thing he did was profusely apologize. I hadn't been responding in our group chat, partly because I was mad and partly because my partner had a death in her family. I guess me not responding caused him to dwell on the last session a bunch. He said he was going to retcon my bodyguard's death and keep her alive. I even told him that the treatment of women in the campaign was bad and that it was making the story worse, he told me that it is something that he can work on being better about too. I was surprised, but all this gave me a lot of optimism for this conversation.
I was honest and I told him that his homebrew system is very difficult for me since I don't have a character sheet. So my character doesn't have abilities, he doesn't level up, and I can't do things like roll investigate or perception rolls which makes it hard for me to make informed decisions. I told him it makes me very risk adverse because I don't have things like HP to even know if I'm in danger. He responded to this by telling me I shouldn't worry about that because his GM style rewards me if I roleplay well enough. He went on to say he hates systems with things like perception rolls because that's "Not how real life works".
I also lamented the fact that I also don't get to interact with the other players much. I didn't mention this in my first post, but he plays with all of us in a Discord call but he only plays with us one at a time, and the two of us who aren't playing are expected to listen and record notable quotes for his notes. He'll switch between characters where each player gets 2-3 "scenes" in a 3 hour session. He has our characters all spread out across the country Game of Thrones style and I've only gotten to play with another player in 2 sessions so far. This was also why that carnival scene was so frustrating because all 3 players were finally in the same place and we were trying to find each other and he just kept saying, "You don't see them".
He told me that he doesn't do party-based adventures because you can't get character growth that way. I pushed back and said I've seen awesome character growth in traditional DnD style games in the past, it just depends on the group. I also said he's just making things harder for himself by trying to run three campaigns instead of one. And if we don't have character sheets and aren't in a party then this is all more dramatic improv than a tabletop RPG.
He responded by saying his way is better because it creates a real story and that I should be happy because he made me the main character. (I guess that is what me being the prince means?) He then went on a rant about how much he loves the game world he created and he's very grateful that our characters brought it to life. But then he says that since it's his world, he feels like he owns our characters now and that after the campaign he wants us all to sign off on him using the characters to write books and a screenplay. And if we don't he'll just change their names and do it anyway. He then thanks me and tells me that this campaign is the main thing that has been stopping him from self-harm and going to dark places. Then he says he has to go and he rushes to hang up before I can say anything else.
I'm dumbfounded after that rapid-fire series of bombshells. I've known since the first few sessions that this was barely a TTRPG, but I got to hang out with my friends so I didn't care what it was. It was nice to hang out with old friends a couple times each month. Then the story got weird, and there was so much misogyny, and then I had the horrible session that caused my original post. Then in this conversation, he throws up even more red flags that I'm not blind to, but he is also planting a seed that he may harm himself without the campaign which is not something I want on my conscience. I'm just exhausted at this point.
TLDR: GM says that abilities and parties make TTRPGs worse and he wants to use our characters to write books/movies after the campaign because he owns them since we're playing in his world. He says he may fall back to self-harm without the campaign, making me feel guilty for wanting to leave.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
ShitThroughAGoose

Any update to this?

OOP

I ended up doing one more session for the finale. There was some drama during that session and when I mentioned that I didn't want to play in the next season of the campaign. I wasn't sure if I wanted to post about it again. I might still, but I think I want to take some time and reflect on everything.

Final Update May 11, 2024
[Final Update] Moving On From My Toxic DM And Losing A Friend In The Process
This will hopefully be my last post on this sub for a long time, but I’ve been using this place to vent about my toxic situation for a while so I figured I might as well post how everything concluded and what happened when I left. I’m going to reflect on everything and recap the important parts so no one has to read 3 posts.
It all started when I decided to start DMing to keep in touch with some college friends after graduation. During my first campaign, one of the players, Pirate, asked if his friend, Colorado, could join. I didn't really know Colorado, but I figured, "the more, the merrier."
Colorado had some issues early on, giving unsolicited advice to everyone on how to play and viewing newer or shy players as “side characters”. However, he frequently missed sessions, only showing up for less than half of them for the first few years so nothing came to a head early on. Then, Colorado decided he wanted to bring back his tabletop campaign from his college days and started trying to recruit players after my sessions. Pirate suggested I join the campaign, promising that Colorado was a better DM than player. Since I had been the Forever DM up to that point, I agreed to give it a go.
I created a character who was part of the royal family but enjoyed interacting with commoners in the slums, even having a secret girlfriend from that background. After that, Colorado also started hitting me up to help with the campaign. I ended up photoshopping character art for a bunch of his NPCs and I even drew his world map for him. I didn't mind doing it, as I do that kind of stuff for fun.
For our first session, Colorado had already created character sheets for us based on our backstories, but only he could see them. Colorado would also roll all the dice himself so “all we had to focus on is roleplaying”. We played one on one in different "scenes" that could last around 30 minutes to an hour each. We usually had around 2 to 4 scenes per session, depending on what Colorado thought was important. During the game, Colorado asked us to write down quotes from him and the other players when it wasn't our turn.
I had to wait for well over an hour before I could finally play. My first session was on rails. I mostly just had to repeat after Colorado during a ceremony. Afterwards, I got to sneak out of the castle and meet with my commoner girlfriend, but Colorado immediately had her break up with me. Then I was told that I had to leave the city. I was essentially locked out of my hanging out in the slums and commoner girlfriend subplots. NPCs generally disliked my morally good character, especially my sister who was depicted as purely evil towards me. Despite my efforts to mend the relationship, she never changed her mind and Colorado never rolled any dice to determine that. Later Colorado revealed to me the character was based on his ex-girlfriend, who was originally intended to be the player character from my country before they broke up.
Eventually, I finally got to interact with another player, Soldier, who I had really good chemistry with and we had a really fun scene. Which Colorado exclaimed, “See! This is why I keep you apart. It makes these moments so much more epic!” But I’m just thinking that if we were in a party, every session could be this epic.
Then Colorado got busy. He went to some alternative medicine nature retreat and didn’t pay his rent the whole time he was gone so he got evicted. At that point, the campaign went on hiatus as people got busy and Colorado was couch hopping. It was during that time I considered the campaign over and made my first post because I thought it fit the sub. Then a year after the last session, Colorado started trying to organize the group to do 3 more sessions to finish the campaign. I just ghosted the group chat for a while, but Pirate’s roommate is a player in the campaign I DM so Pirate started hopping on the call asking me to come back for the finale. Pirate told me that it would be different this time because all of our characters were going to meet up for the finale and he really wanted to play with me. I naively agreed to give the game a second chance.
The first of those three sessions led to this post and this follow up.
[TLDR - I never got to meet up with the other characters. Colorado made my ex a stripper and I was captured by invaders with no dice rolls to prevent it. I had a conversation with him about my concerns after the last session. He apologized and agreed to make changes saying he needed the campaign for his mental health.]
Colorado decided to have a single super finale session, which I reluctantly attended because of sunk cost fallacy. I was imprisoned, beaten and whipped, separated from my girlfriend and recently resurrected bodyguard. A deus-ex ninja offered to help me escape, but I wanted to save all the prisoners. So I helped the commoners escape with the ninja before saving my girlfriend. My bodyguard got captured, but I made sure my girlfriend escaped and then I went to save my bodyguard because I wasn’t letting her die after she just got resurrected. I tried to find my bodyguard but every door was locked and I was forced into a long one on one fight with a guard that would make John Carpenter blush. I lost the fight due to an unknown -2 modifier on my fighting rolls, leading to my re-imprisonment.
Pirate tried to board a boat to reach my location, but was unsuccessful. Colorado informed him that the sailors refused to let him on the ship because they didn't like his tone. Fortunately, Soldier saved me and we agreed to stop the big bad and rescue my bodyguard together. With a squad of Soldier's peers, we pursued the big bad into the woods. Without any rolls, all the other soldiers were sniped by archers.
Finally, the two of us reached the clearing where the big bad and his followers were. We were outnumbered about 30-2. My bodyguard and the other commoners were tied to a tree. Soldier was the same race as the villain so he approached while I stayed hidden. He delivered an awesome passionate speech against the big bad's actions saying that it wasn’t what their ancestors would want. I’m sitting there waiting and hoping for a persuasion roll… and nothing. Colorado says the big bad doesn’t change his mind and he sets the tree on fire, causing my bodyguard and the commoners to burn to death. Soldier and I retreated into the woods to end the campaign.
Pirate was supposed to have a scene after us, but he fell asleep because it was past 1am. Colorado kept trying to call Pirate on the phone. I joke, “Hey, we’re old now, being up past midnight isn’t as easy as it used to.” To which Colorado replies, “I just thought Pirate had more respect for me than this.” The Discord call becomes quiet and after Colorado starts focusing on Soldier and I. He wants to know why we’re not discussing the ending more. I remarked that it was a bit of a downer and I’m tired. Then Colorado starts spiraling, saying that RPGs are just another medium that he failed at just like film and music. HE STARTS CRYING and hangs up from the Discord call. Soldier and I stayed on and had a short “That was awkward” conversation. I don’t know Soldier well so I didn’t say much about my grievances with the campaign and eventually we ended up just talking about Baldur’s Gate 3 for an hour.
The next day, I wake up to a barrage of texts from Colorado apologizing, mansplaining how hard it is to be a DM as if I’ve never done it myself. He then starts sending me messages with all his ideas for my character in the next season and how he promises I’ll have more freedom next time. I wouldn’t understand, but he NEEDED to do the prison sequence and my bodyguard to die for my character growth, but next season will be different. I tell him I’m not doing another season. Colorado replies saying that he thought I’d say that because Pirate (who was apparently not sleeping) told him Soldier and I were bitching about the campaign after the session. Colorado said that once I get over it, we can start talking about season 3. I reaffirmed my stance. Then Colorado texts me one last time and asks if I’ll still make his maps and character art even if I don’t play. I said no again.
It's been two months since I last heard from Colorado or Pirate. We used to play games and talk about pro wrestling all the time, but now there's been no contact. A lot of the comments on my posts helped me realize I was prioritizing Colorado’s mental health over my own and I felt like it was my responsibility to support his campaign because he constantly referenced how important it was to his mental health. Intentional or not, he preyed upon my empathy. I’m not his Giving Tree and I shouldn’t be left a stump for a campaign where he doesn’t even want us to affect the world.
I sometimes worry Pirate is going through a similar situation to me, but for a longer period of time. Pirate introduced me to Colorado, and he's really loyal to him. I think that slowed down my exit from the group because I trusted Pirate to be my friend as well. I remember opening up to Pirate about a panic attack I had while Colorado was spiraling one day, and he just shrugged it off as me being dramatic. It's frustrating. I want both of them to be happy, but I can't make that happen for them, especially if it comes at the expense of my own well-being.
I ended up venting to some of my irl friends and they really supported and listened to me which is why I didn’t feel a need to vent here. I learned a lot about what not to do when DMing from this campaign and it made me reevaluate my approach to playing RPGs. Now I'm in a group with my irl friends and it's a blast. I can relax and just have fun playing again.
TLDR - I started DMing to stay connected with college friends who were scattered across the country. One player, Pirate, introduced me to Colorado, who eventually took over as the DM. Colorado had some unconventional methods, such as not using character sheets and controlling all the dice rolls. The game became focused on his storyline and my character had limited agency. Despite this, I gave the campaign a second chance. In the final session, things went poorly, and Colorado had a breakdown. Despite his apologies and promises for the next season, I decided not to continue playing. I have not heard from Colorado or Pirate since. I now play with my real-life friends and it's much more enjoyable.
RELEVANT COMMENTS/ADDED INFO
TicketPrestigious

Glad you're doing better. That does sound like quite a toxic situation.
If I've understood it right, the stuff with Pirate 'falling asleep' but actually listening in to you and Soldier talking feels like a massive red flag to me. I understand worrying about him since you were/felt like you were friends, but if he's enabling Colorado with that sort of stuff then it's probably best to move on.

OOP

Yeah even the best case would be that Pirate woke up after Colorado left the call and just overheard Soldier and me talking without us realizing because his mic was muted and we assumed he had passed out and then he snitched after which is still a bad look tbh. I had been distancing myself from Pirate since he invalidated my panic attack prior to this. It's just hard to be vulnerable with someone again after that.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP
DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

First Previous
"Scargiver, this is Scathach." The Warmaster's voice came out of the Captain's wrist console. The wrist console looked the same as the ones they'd used in the Confederation, but it had been extensively modified to prevent anyone from hacking into it.
"Scathach, Mims." Captain Mims kept walking. They were almost to the bridge of the Encounter. "Go ahead."
"The Klaath are here."
"We know." Mims slapped a control panel. The door to the bridge slipped open. "The Federation called them, somehow."
"We saw the energy surge," the Warmaster informed him, "and we saw you disable the human ship. Do you intend to take up the hunt?"
The Oluken had roughly ten thousand Military ships in Tendril Sector. They were oddly designed, with glowing lines that shifted in strange patterns across their oblong hulls. Long metal tentacles sprouted from the ships, each tipped with some variety of energy cannon. Ten thousand ships was plenty for keeping order in a trading sector, but Yvian doubted it was enough to repel an Incursion.
"Hell yes," The Captain walked past the holodisplay, heading for the consoles at the far end of the bridge. "I never pass up an opportunity to kill the Klaath."
"I thought as much." The Warmaster grunted. "Have your Queenships protect the Gates. My Hunters will secure the stations. I've called reinforcements, and they will be here shortly." He gave a short, annoyed growl. "Someone will have to speak with the Oluken before they soil themselves."
Mims pointed at Lissa as he took a seat in front of the center console. "I'm on it," she acknowledged, taking the console to his left.
"Alert," said Kilroy. "Klaath clusters detected in Aldara sector."
"Of course they are," Mims gritted his teeth. He commed the Warmaster. "Lissa's taking care of the Oluken. We're having," he pointed at Kilroy, "two Queenships jump to each Gate. That should be more than enough."
"Affirmative," Kilroy acknowledged.
"The rest are coming with me," the human continued. "There's another Incursion at Aldara."
"Aldara?" Yvian could hear the Warmaster's raised eyebrows. "If the humans want to throw their planet away, let them."
"I can't do that." Mims took his hand off the comm and pointed at Yvian. "Systems check."
Yvian nodded and took the console to his right. She started a diagnostic routines. Scarrend squatted on his haunches next to her, pulling up a sensor display on his console.
"You can and you should," Scathach disagreed. "The humans are using the Klaath as a diversion. We're bound to defend the Oluken by treaty, but wasting forces on an uninhabited world is foolish."
"I know." Mims pulled up flight control on his console. The Random Encounter was nestled up against the massive hull of the Monster In Paradise. He eased the ship away from the Peacekeeper Queen and raised the shields. "I'm not asking you or the Empire to help. The Peacekeepers and I will be enough."
"Perhaps." The Vrrl allowed. "Unless the humans are dividing our forces in preparation for an attack."
"It's possible." Mims shrugged. "But I think this diversion's for something else. I'll explain later. I've got Klaath to kill."
"Then kill them here," Warmaster Scathach voiced. "Don't let the humans dictate your actions, Scargiver. Protecting their world is an act kindness that will come with a cost."
"This isn't kindness," Mims told him. "It's spite. The Klaath will never have Aldara. Not while I breathe. Can I count on you to take care of things here?"
Yvian's diagnostic programs finished. "All systems green," she reported.
"Foolish." The Warmaster chuffed in resignation. "But I suppose it can't be helped. Go defend your territory human, even if it's not your territory anymore. The Vrrl Starfang Empire will take care of things here."
"Thank you," said Mims.
"Do not thank me, Scargiver," Scathach chided. "The Oluken are of use to the Empire. An attack on them is a challenge to us, and challenges are answered with tooth and claw. We are the Apex."
"Fair enough." Mims pulled up a Nav console and entered the coordinates for Aldara Sector. "May Fortune favor you on the cusp of The Crunch."
The Warmaster grunted. "May your prey be worthy of the hunt." He ended the transmission.
"Our weapon systems are fully functional," Scarrend reported. "Shields are still charging. They will be at full in twenty three minutes."
"We'll go when they're full," said the Captain. "Kilroy, I want two Queenships at every Gate in Aldara. Have Admiral Zhukov send in half a million Stinger units, too. I want half of those protecting the planet. The rest will break off into groups of a thousand and go hunting."
"Big Daddy Mims," Kilroy objected, "we only have eight hundred twenty three thousand and four Peacekeeper Stinger Units. Sending that many to Aldara will greatly reduce the defenses of New Pixa Sector."
"Just do it, Kilroy," Mims ordered. "We've still got forty Queens and millions of convectional ships. If we get hit with more than they can handle, half a million Stingers won't make that much difference anyway."
"Affirmative." Kilroy hesitated. His eyes flashed purple before returning to the red of combat. "Big Daddy Mims, there is no reason for you to go to Aldara yourself. Peacekeeper units will be sufficient."
"No, Kilroy," Lissa disagreed. "We have to go." Yvian nodded her agreement. She knew the man's history, too.
"This ship is a standard Federation built gladiator," the Peacekeeper reminded them. "It will have negligible impact on an Incursion, and is at significant risk of being destroyed."
"I know," the Captain snapped. Kilroy's eyes flashed blue. Mims took a breath. "Sorry, Kilroy. I know the Encounter's not built for this. I know the Peacekeepers can handle this better than I can." He shook his head. "It doesn't matter. It's Aldara. The last time the Klaath came there I... I can't leave it alone. I have to go. I have to make sure they can't take anything else."
The machine left his console, eyes still blue. He walked over to Mims and put a hand on his shoulder. "This unit understands." He returned to his station, eyes flicking back to crimson. "Aldara will be protected. The Klaath will be destroyed. We will be sufficient."
"We will be sufficient," the Captain echoed.
"This is foolish," Scarrend objected. "You are throwing away Peacekeeper lives for sentiment."
"You're not wrong," the human admitted. He tilted his head, thinking. "Though to be fair, we'd probably be sending them anyway. A chance to capture more Klaath Queens is too good to pass up."
"Affirmative," Kilroy agreed.
Yvian pulled up a sensor display. Tendril Sector had a sizeable solar system. Lots of planets, and three hefty asteroid belts. None of the planets were habitable, but there were plenty of resources for mines and manufacturing. The sector doubled as a trading hub, and there were nearly a million stations scattered throughout the system. Most of the stations were unarmed. It was something Yvian had expected growing up in the Confederation, but now that she'd seen more of the galaxy unarmed stations struck her as a terrible idea.
Despite the large number of stations, there were only a few hundred thousand ships in the sector. Mostly unarmed Oluken cargo haulers. Yvian assumed anyone who had a jumpdrive had already escaped, leaving the rest of those poor souls to flee to the nearest station and pray that the Elders would drop shields long enough to let them dock. There were also a few hundred ships of the Vrrl Starfang Empire circling a few of the trading posts, gunning down any Klaath that came close. Several dozen vessels of the Pixen Technocracy were doing the same.
Half a million Vrrl capitol ships were dividing into smaller fleets and heading for the stations. The Priderender had already left the formation with an escort of four battlecruisers. More Vrrl were pouring out of each of the Gates, with fighter class Hissiths and Clawwings undocking from battlecruisers and running for the farthest stations at maximum acceleration. None of the Vrrl bothered avoiding the Klaath. Nor did they seek them out. They just moved to their destinations, smashing anything stupid enough to get in their way.
There were roughly fifty thousand Klaath Klusters so far, but more were appearing every second. Each Kluster was a sphere, made up of twenty Raiders grouped around a single Klaath Fighter and fused together. Most of them would drift aimlessly through the void until they came within a few hundred kilometers of a ship or a station. Then the Klusters would erupt, the ships separating and zooming in for the kill. Other Klusters gathered together, forming circles of spinning ships. Space rippled within the circles, opening portals to allow Corvettes, Frigates, and the dreaded Destroyers into the sector.
Two Peacekeeper Queenships were coming out of Tendril Sector's East, South, and North Gates. The Queens would take half an hour to exit the Gates completely, but that didn't stop them from putting their beam weapons to devastating use. The Queens concentrated their fire on the Klaath nearest the Gates. The Klaath didn't use Jumpgates, and destroying the Gates would be the first thing they tried. A few thousand Stinger units detached themselves from each of the Queens, switching their diffused anti-MAC weapons back to traditional long range beam cannons. They would circle around behind the Gates and kill any Klaath attacking from that direction.
The Monster in Paradise and one other Queenship stayed where they were, about two hundred thousand kilometers from the West Gate. Their Stinger units were launching as well. The Random Encounter idled within the Monster's shield bubble, staying protected until its own shields were charged.
The Oluken Military were doing what they could, where they could. All their ships were roughly frigate sized, about two thirds of a kilometer in length. They were fast, almost as fast as a Federation ship, and their shields were much stronger than Yvian expected. Their weapons were less impressive. Each ship had thirty two metal tentacles with cannons on the end, but they packed less punch then Confederation guns, far less than the humans and the Vrrl. The Random Encounter had more firepower, and it was just a fighter. The Oluken had been patrolling in groups of eight, and they were desperately trying to link up with each other or the Vrrl before the Klaath overwhelmed them.
Yvian moved to access the sensor reports of Aldara Sector, but a question from Scarrend interrupted her. "Shouldn't we be sending someone after the spy?"
"In the middle of all this?" Lissa gestured at the sensor display.
"We don't have to hunt her down ourselves," Scarrend pointed out. "A few dozen Peacekeeper units would be more than enough."
"There's no point," said the Captain. "The Peacekeepers let Myrsa get away on purpose."
"They did?" Yvian frowned at the machine.
"Think about it," said Mims. "A Peacekeeper unit's a walking lie detector. Do you really think they didn't know Myrsa was a spy? Or that she wasn't being monitored? There's no way she got to an unattended ship without them knowing."
"Affirmative," Kilroy agreed. "Peacekeeper units had to manufacture an emergency to explain why Myrsa Trin was unattended. The riots provided excellent cover."
"Ok, but... why?" Yvian frowned harder. "Why let her get away? Why let a spy work with Lissa at all?"
"I've got a better question." Lissa's tone was frosty. "Why didn't you tell me about it?"
"That was my call," said Mims. "You're an amazing person, Lissa, and I love you dearly, but you're not cut out for spycraft."
Lissa regarded the human with a glare so furious Yvian could see it through her helmet. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Mims returned her look with the seriousness it was due. "Lissa. If you knew Myrsa was a spy, would you have still made friends with her?"
"What? No!" The glare receded. "I wouldn't have let her work for me at all."
"Exactly," said the human. "It's standard practice to keep track of known spies. If our enemies have a spy in place they're less likely to try sneaking in another one, and it lets us feed false intel and uncover other spies. It's good spycraft, but it only works if they don't know their cover's blown. You're smart, beautiful, and a born leader, but you don't have it in you to pretend to be someone's friend when you're not. Not for long, at least. If we told you about Myrsa, she'd know you were on to her within a day."
"That's..." Lissa started. "I could... No." She sighed. "You're right. I don't have to like it, though."
"Intelligence is a dirty business," said the Captain. "No one likes it."
"Ok, but why'd we let her go?" Yvian came back to the matter at hand. "Why give the humans their spy back?"
"Good question," said Mims. "Kilroy?"
"Myrsa Trin has gathered extensive intelligence on our capabilities," Kilroy answered. "The information she has acquired implies that we are considerably more powerful and dangerous than we actually are. This will increase the likelihood the meatbags will surrender. More importantly, Myrsa Trin will give the humans access to a Lucendian crystal implant."
"What good will that do them?" asked Scarrend. "The only Lucendian ship outside of New Pixa is the child yoked to their anti-tech ship, and that specimen is too small and weak for the humans to pilot."
"Negative," said the machine. "There is one other Lucendian vessel outside of our custody. A vessel with the same capabilities as the fallen Skygem."
Another Skygem? Oh. Oh, Bright Lady. "Blingy," Yvian breathed. She'd handed the ship to the Xill shortly after getting her implant. She'd known the ship was alive. She hadn't realized just how sapient the crystal ships were, but she'd known she was alive. She'd known, and she handed her over anyway. Condemned Blingy to torture and experimentation at the hands of the machines. It might be the worst thing she'd ever done. "You're talking about Blingy."
"Affirmative," Kilroy confirmed. "The ship known as Blingy is still in the custody of the Xill. Specifically, the ship is located at Hub 14, under Reba's control. It is not possible for Peacekeeper units to retrieve the vessel without provoking a war with the Xill. Nor is it likely Exodus the Genocide can convince Consensus to return the ship to us if they succeed in defeating Reba."
"But Reba might give the ship to the humans," Yvian guessed.
"Especially if it'll help screw us over," Lissa added.
"Affirmative," said Kilroy. "Without a functioning Lucendian vessel, the Pixen Technocracy has no way to counter the Vore when they return. We cannot retrieve Blingy from the Xill, so we must take Blingy from the humans."
"A dangerous play," Scarrend remarked. "I have seen what these ships are capable of. If the humans have one when we do not..."
"They might be able to win," said Lissa. "And they know it. Why else would they do..." she gestured at her sensor display. "All this?"
"It's a big risk," Mims agreed. "But I think it's one worth taking. Good work, Kilroy. Tell the other units I'm impressed." He glowered down at his console. "I just wish... What the hell?"
Yvian checked her own display. The Klaath were leaving. Fast. Klusters circled up, opening portals to take the bigger ships out of the system. Those Klusters not forming portals disappeared, going back to wherever they came from. Raiders and Fighters still mindlessly shot at whatever targets they'd found, but the rest of the Klaath were leaving. In a few more minutes they'd all be gone.
"I've never heard of the Klaath just leaving." Yvian could hear Lissa's frown.
"We've never seen an Incursion without a habitable planet either," said Scarrend. "Maybe they figured out there's nothing here but gas giants and barren rocks."
"We get Klusters in uninhabited sectors all the time," said Mims. "Usually just a couple, but I saw a couple thousand pop in at Trinog Sector a few years back. They don't leave. They just float around until the bastards starve to death or someone kills them."
"Big Daddy Mims," Kilroy spoke up. "The Klaath are leaving Aldara Sector as well."
"What the hell?" Mims repeated himself. He typed into his console. Yvian followed his example, pulling up the sensor feed being relayed from the ships in Aldara Sector. It was just as the Peacekeeper said. The Klaath were leaving.
"Strange," Scarrend remarked, "but I suppose we shouldn't complain when a problem solves itself."
"No." The Captain's shoulders were taught. "It can't be that easy. Not with the Klaath." He was silent for a moment, head bowed, breathing slowly. His shoulders relaxed slightly, and he raised his head. "Kilroy, I want everything we can spare at Aldara. Right now."
"What do you mean everything?" Lissa asked.
"I mean fucking everything." The Captain was grim. "Every ship, every weapon platform, every fucking gun Zhukov can spare."
"Are you experiencing a hunch, Big Daddy Mims?" A tinge of purple crept into the red of Kilroy's eyes.
It was another scary thing about the humans. Premonitions. Hunches. Mims claimed there was nothing supernatural about it. Just his subconscious processing information, a benefit born of experience and the brain's tendency towards pattern recognition. Yvian wasn't sure it was that simple, but she did know one thing. When the Captain had a bad feeling, things tended to go very bad, very quickly.
"I don't know. Could be PTSD." Mims clenched his fists. "But better safe than sorry."

Laura walked across the highway and then traversed under an onramp, which had abandoned tents under it. Beyond the tents was a stretch of grass, followed by trees, which opened up to more train tracks. A single span of tracks was surrounded by trees on both sides; though both sides had begun to take over the rails, one side of the trees was still visibly shallower than the other, and little effort had to be afforded to see what was on the other side. The trees on the left side were much thicker and were virtually opaque to the eyes. Instead of traversing through the giant mass of trees of brush, Laura opted to walk around, walking ways up the tracks before reaching an area where the forest waned ultimately to a grassy square of land. From here, there was another set of tracks upon which was a long line of train cars. The cars were oil tankers headed out of New Orleans but now sit here rotting. The smell of oil was almost unbearably strong, indicating that some of the tanks had their metal rotted through. Laura quickly moved through the gaps between the train cars, being presented with more train tracks with a ditch in the middle. The ditch was lined with concrete blocks on both sides, around 80 feet in length, and muddy, dirty water was in the middle. A few feet from her was a wooden plank bridge spanning the gap. It was constructed of old planks as a walkway, held up by cut-down tree trunks. Laura was hesitant but was also not too eager to interact with the black water, so she carefully inched her way across, listening for the sounds of any cracking or splintering. After a few seconds of dread, Laura made it across the ditch and traversed the other train tracks.

Hello everyone,
I'm reaching out to this community in hopes of getting some advice on a tree issue that has been progressively getting worse over the past six years. It's a tree in my front yard that I suspect is being affected by a soil-borne fungus that maples are especially suseptible to.
Despite one of the more infected limbs being cut off last year that had zero new growth, this year I've noticed that the bark has started to split on one of the main limbs. I'm not sure if the weight change is causing it but I'm not entirely sure if the tree is past saving. I also don't want it to fall on my house...
I would greatly appreciate any insights or recommendations from tree pros or arborists on what steps I can take to save my tree or if it’s too late.
Here are some details that might help:The splitting bark is noticeable on one of the main limbs.
The area around the tree is mostly moist soil.
No significant changes to landscaping or soil composition in the last few years besides regular maintenance.
The tree was in rough shape when we first bought the house but fertilizing and caring for thr tree after the first couple years showed promise. But this year it's the worse it's ever been in the last 8 years.
Photos of the tree are posted below.
Thank you for any help you can provide!

This is a repost from a couple weeks ago that stayed buried in downvotes, but it's now more relevant than ever:
Adam Mares finally publically acknowledged what he told me a full two months before Tim left while watching the Avs at DNVR.
The foundation of the KCP trade (Morris + Barton) was a done deal at the trade deadline of the 22' season. The reason it didn't happen is because Jamal decided against coming back-- at which point keeping Monte was necessary and the teams decided to do the deal over the summer instead.
Booth got all the credit for that deal-- because not many people knew that it had been a done deal for months. And he deserves credit for hitting the send button and then extending KCP. And obviously for the Bruce Brown signing.
However, almost every move he has made since then has been a disaster.
Everyone knew lasts summer's FA class for PGs was barren yet we didn't prioritize finding a replacement for Bones when we traded him. Instead, we burned 3 seconds trading for Thomas Byrant. A guy who was never going to be able to play in the playoffs and who was set to be a FA.
Then Booth traded a lightly protected 29' first for a shotgun approach to a part of the draft that is very hit or miss and decides to burn #32 on a 24 year old PG who relied on backing down younger, smaller players in college and despite championship equity, walks out of FA with Reggie Jackson and Holiday-- two guys who were 3 years washed.
Then he has the audacity to tell KOC that Watson (who was the primary return for burning a 27 1st) is already better than Bruce Brown and to indicate that the approach to the offseason was taken, in part, to ensure the youth saw the floor.
At the time, I understood the logic of aiming for youth and cheap contracts but got downvoted in oblivion for arguing that a) we should have been aiming at 2nd draft guys instead of solely stockpiling late picks and b) stating that you should always be aiming for as much talent as possible, not limiting your options by aiming for guys who are okay being bench warmers.
Obi Toppin, NAW, PJ Washington, Aaron Neissmith and Issaih Joe are all examples of 2nd draft guys who contributied to their team's playoff run. Derrick Jones Jr is contributing to Dallas's run as minimum signing. And that's the bare minimum, not the TPMLE we gave RJ.
And where as Tim regularly found 2 way guys who turned into NBA players (Torrey Craig, Hatenstein, Kedrick Williams, Dozier before the ACL tear), we have yet to have a 2 way signed by Booth (CG was also Tim) contribute.
All of that added up to a team whose bench was a disaster. No backup center meant Jokic carrying a heavy burden. RJ being predictably awful meant Murray couldn't be load managed because the team was the worst they've ever been without him. Gordon was forced to play way too many minutes- including at backup center. Tonight, he was in foul trouble and it resulted in Jokic playing 47 minutes and being absolutely gassed in the 4th.
Christain was a top notch pick, the best one Booth has made. However, hit began the pattern of devaluing 3 point shooting in roster building. Even tonight, in a game that he was largely great in, he was a non-factor from deep while sitting out on an island. Jokic punishing the double only works if he is surround by shooters.
Watson has potential. He also shot like 20% from 3 this year... which is why was a benchwarmer all playoffs long. Strawther and Tyson both have potential, and Hunter can DEFINITELY shoot, but we've basically hedged all of our assets on Watson, Strawther, Tyson, Pickett (not a believer) and the 7 footer they sold for cash considerations...
Oh and KCP (as much as he struggles with the Wolves matchup) has a player option. And RJ and Pickett are on guaranteed deals so upgrading the backup point guard is going to be tough.
Contrast that with Tim building a team that doesn't have a single bad player in the rotation. His draft picks (and I'm high on the kid they took in the 2nd round) sit marinating while NAW, Monte, Conley, Ried (signed to a steal of an extention) and Kyle Anderson help build out the deepest team in the NBA.Yes, he gave up too much for Rudy. He was also right it would work and right that ANT was ready (and had them on a clock).
The Kroenke's were idiots for letting a top 3 GM walk from his contract and praying an unproven GM could hit the ground running during a title window. Not only because it's likely cut the Nuggets window short but also because it allowed Tim to customize a team designed to wreck the Nuggets.

Targaryen names fascinate me. Of all the ones they could pick between, it seems they like to choose from about five. Well, I’m working on a writeup of names that did get reused and to what extent (and sometimes where it stopped), but in a family so determined to repeat names, the ones that aren’t probably have a reason for it. Without speculating too much, I wanted to lay them out and provide possible explanations for the ones that I could. I classified them into six possible categories, each by where the name most likely came from (in my opinion.)
Disclaimer: I only took the name exactly as it is. If it’s one letter off, or the genderflipped version of the name, it counts as not being reused. I did this for consistency so my personal interpretation wouldn’t influence anything. I’ve also chosen to include the first generation of Blackfyres.

There Hasn’t Been Time To Reuse This

Any name that was used for the first time in the past few generations doesn’t count as there hasn’t really been time for it to come up again. I took it back to Jaehaerys II, meaning the ones here are Rhaegar, his stillborn sister Shaena, Rhaego, Queen Shaera, and Princess Rhaelle.

Named After Specific Non-Targaryens

Jon: Technically Jon has come up on the Targaryen family tree, but only as Jon Longwaters. As they’re a Velaryon branch, and Jon is named after Jon Arryn, I’m counting Snow as the only one.
Alyssa: Alyssa, daughter of Jaehaerys and Alysanne, is almost certainly named for her grandmother Alyssa Velaryon.
Duncan: Is named after Duncan the Tall. Case closed.

Named Using a Different Family’s Conventions

I only counted people who had at least one Targaryen parent, but despite all the inbreeding sometimes other Houses did get to sire a kid or two. Sometimes they even got to pick the name. This is the category for anyone with a non-repeating name who seems to be following a different House’s way of naming. It covers Jocelyn Baratheon, Aemma Arryn, Alyn Velaryon, and Brynden Rivers. One could make an argument for Laenor and Daenaera Velaryon to be here too, since Velaryons are still Valyrian so the similarity without repeating could stem from that.

Namesake Sucks

Aerion: Was crazy. Drank wildfire. Kept Maegor from going in this category. Need I say more?
Rhaenyra: I’m going to get angry comments for putting her under this category, but take it in-universe and remember that the Dance almost destroyed their whole house. Aegon only gets away with it because the person he was named after was better than him. Since her kids ‘with Laenor’ also didn’t have their names reused, probably because of association, we can throw in Jacaerys, Lucerys, and Joffrey as well (though really Joffrey should be with the “named after a specific non-Targ”; I just wanted to keep him with his brothers.)
Aemond and Helaena also fall victim to this on the Greens side, as they were never used again post-Dance either. Neither was her son Maelor, which could be for similar reasons to Rhaenyra’s kids or even just because renaming a kid after what happened to him could be bad luck or something.

Obvious Inspiration

Sometimes the parents got creative and used another, usually more common, namesake as the basis and tweaked it a little. I tried to keep these very limited as most Targaryen names tend to be similar, so I’m really only taking the most obvious direct influences.
Aegor Rivers is practically Aegon. So are Vaegon and Haegon. Rhae is similar to both Rhaelle and Rhaella. Jaehaera is just female Jaehaerys. Gaemon is Aemon with a G.
Shiera Seastar and Saera have two almost-namesakes each in the too-recent generation, so while those are there, we’ll count these here as the inspiration for them. Rhaegel for Rhaegar as well.
I’m also counting Aelor and Aelora here, even if the first time it was used was whichever twin was born first. The second was still obviously inspired by it.

Less Direct Inspiration

Names that are a little farther from the established ones, but still are well within the Targaryen norms. You’d still instantly recognize it as being a Targaryen and not a different Valyrian (or Andal or First Men!) House. Basically, everything borderline from above.
Baela: Could be from Baelor or Baelon, or even them + her mother Laena.
Daena and Elaena both have the same pattern as their sister Rhaena.
Viserra: Female Viserys, I think, but not as clear as the other genderswaps so it’s here.
Daenora and Naerys clearly are inspired by Daenerys, and possibly Daeron too.

Why Not Reuse It?

So, in the end, we’re left with nine names that are creative, distinguished from the others, and yet never were given to a second baby.
Gael: Had a tragic life, so I can understand not renaming a kid that.
Aerea: Similarly to Gael, I think her fate might dissuade happy parents.
Maekar: He was a good king! I don’t know why none of his kids named any of their children or grandchildren after him.
Calla: Only used for a Blackfyre, which probably does not make it particularly high up on the baby name list.
Valarr and Matarys: Don’t know why these didn’t get reused; Breakspear seems respected enough, and despite dying young they didn’t seem particularly tragic. I’d like to see these pop up again tbh.
Valerion: Probably too confusing, with them being Valyrian, the House Velaryon, and the dragon Balerion.
Maegelle: No clue why this didn’t come back. She seemed to be a sweet and devout Septa.
Alysanne: Another one I’m lost on. She’s regarded as “the good queen,” so her lack of a namesake seems pretty glaring.

Targaryen names fascinate me. Of all the ones they could pick between, it seems they like to choose from about five. Well, I’m working on a writeup of names that did get reused and to what extent (and sometimes where it stopped), but in a family so determined to repeat names, the ones that aren’t probably have a reason for it. Without speculating too much, I wanted to lay them out and provide possible explanations for the ones that I could. I classified them into six possible categories, each by where the name most likely came from (in my opinion.)
Disclaimer: I only took the name exactly as it is. If it’s one letter off, or the genderflipped version of the name, it counts as not being reused. I did this for consistency so my personal interpretation wouldn’t influence anything. I’ve also chosen to include the first generation of Blackfyres.

There Hasn’t Been Time To Reuse This

Any name that was used for the first time in the past few generations doesn’t count as there hasn’t really been time for it to come up again. I took it back to Jaehaerys II, meaning the ones here are Rhaegar, his stillborn sister Shaena, Rhaego, Queen Shaera, and Princess Rhaelle.

Named After Specific Non-Targaryens

Jon: Technically Jon has come up on the Targaryen family tree, but only as Jon Longwaters. As they’re a Velaryon branch, and Jon is named after Jon Arryn, I’m counting Snow as the only one.
Alyssa: Alyssa, daughter of Jaehaerys and Alysanne, is almost certainly named for her grandmother Alyssa Velaryon.
Duncan: Is named after Duncan the Tall. Case closed.

Named Using a Different Family’s Conventions

I only counted people who had at least one Targaryen parent, but despite all the inbreeding sometimes other Houses did get to sire a kid or two. Sometimes they even got to pick the name. This is the category for anyone with a non-repeating name who seems to be following a different House’s way of naming. It covers Jocelyn Baratheon, Aemma Arryn, Alyn Velaryon, and Brynden Rivers. One could make an argument for Laenor and Daenaera Velaryon to be here too, since Velaryons are still Valyrian so the similarity without repeating could stem from that.

Namesake Sucks

Aerion: Was crazy. Drank wildfire. Kept Maegor from going in this category. Need I say more?
Rhaenyra: I’m going to get angry comments for putting her under this category, but take it in-universe and remember that the Dance almost destroyed their whole house. Aegon only gets away with it because the person he was named after was better than him. Since her kids ‘with Laenor’ also didn’t have their names reused, probably because of association, we can throw in Jacaerys, Lucerys, and Joffrey as well (though really Joffrey should be with the “named after a specific non-Targ”; I just wanted to keep him with his brothers.)
Aemond and Helaena also fall victim to this on the Greens side, as they were never used again post-Dance either. Neither was her son Maelor, which could be for similar reasons to Rhaenyra’s kids or even just because renaming a kid after what happened to him could be bad luck or something.

Obvious Inspiration

Sometimes the parents got creative and used another, usually more common, namesake as the basis and tweaked it a little. I tried to keep these very limited as most Targaryen names tend to be similar, so I’m really only taking the most obvious direct influences.
Aegor Rivers is practically Aegon. So are Vaegon and Haegon. Rhae is similar to both Rhaelle and Rhaella. Jaehaera is just female Jaehaerys. Gaemon is Aemon with a G.
Shiera Seastar and Saera have two almost-namesakes each in the too-recent generation, so while those are there, we’ll count these here as the inspiration for them. Rhaegel for Rhaegar as well.
I’m also counting Aelor and Aelora here, even if the first time it was used was whichever twin was born first. The second was still obviously inspired by it.

Less Direct Inspiration

Names that are a little farther from the established ones, but still are well within the Targaryen norms. You’d still instantly recognize it as being a Targaryen and not a different Valyrian (or Andal or First Men!) House. Basically, everything borderline from above.
Baela: Could be from Baelor or Baelon, or even them + her mother Laena.
Daena and Elaena both have the same pattern as their sister Rhaena.
Viserra: Female Viserys, I think, but not as clear as the other genderswaps so it’s here.
Daenora and Naerys clearly are inspired by Daenerys, and possibly Daeron too.

Why Not Reuse It?

So, in the end, we’re left with nine names that are creative, distinguished from the others, and yet never were given to a second baby.
Gael: Had a tragic life, so I can understand not renaming a kid that.
Aerea: Similarly to Gael, I think her fate might dissuade happy parents.
Maekar: He was a good king! I don’t know why none of his kids named any of their children or grandchildren after him.
Calla: Only used for a Blackfyre, which probably does not make it particularly high up on the baby name list.
Valarr and Matarys: Don’t know why these didn’t get reused; Breakspear seems respected enough, and despite dying young they didn’t seem particularly tragic. I’d like to see these pop up again tbh.
Valerion: Probably too confusing, with them being Valyrian, the House Velaryon, and the dragon Balerion.
Maegelle: No clue why this didn’t come back. She seemed to be a sweet and devout Septa.
Alysanne: Another one I’m lost on. She’s regarded as “the good queen,” so her lack of a namesake seems pretty glaring.

Posting from a throwaway account (that's what it's called, right? I'm new here) because, you know, I'm anxious and all that. Also I’m not a native English speaker but I’m learning.
I want to say that you are all awesome here. I read the posts and comments and my heart rejoices, and it brings peace to my life.
So, let's get down to business. To be honest, I want to speak out and not keep it to myself – and get advice from those who have gone through smth like this. So this will be a story about my feelings. No, there will be like a lot of my story and then my current feelings. Oh, and kind of a disclaimer: I don’t currently consider myself transgender, but rather non-binary queer or something like that. It doesn't help me cry less.
I’m 28, AMAB. At this point in my life, I think there are too many stereotypes in my head. Like... I grew up in not the worst family, I would even say, with good liberal (regarding the country) attitudes. My mother, despite her humanity, is a very... heteronormative woman, and my father, well, he's a priest. Good priest, shitty person. My mom left him with my younger sibling after ongoing abuse (in fact, I persuaded her then), and I, as a teenager, out of pity for him, stayed with him. For a long time she didn’t want to ruin her family and all that, and her role was to stay at home and stuff like that. I believe that all this is the main reason that I have hypertrophied coping mechanisms – I perfectly escape from problems, either by physically running away, or by instantly forgetting and ignoring everything bad. At the same time, I am very easy to gaslight - I default to believing that my memories are false, and everyone around me knows better.
So my idea of the past is fragmentary. In my early childhood I liked everything feminine, but... for example, quite recently I remembered how in my early childhood I wanted to dance. My mother took me to classes, but after a couple of them, my father forced me to take the hated martial arts class instead. And as long as I can remember, I hated my masculine body – as an early teenager, I threw tantrums just to avoid wearing shorts, tshirts, sandals – baggy stuff and that's it. And don't you dare force me to cut my hair (they forced me, I cried a lot. Well, I shaved my head once in high school just to try... my gorgeous hair almost quickly grew back below my shoulders). In high school I acted gay, pretending it was some kind of joke. Well, you know, it’s also a defense mechanism: if I act gay as a joke, then obviously it’s just a joke, right? And I seriously thought about the transition, but I didn’t know how much I really wanted it - a very mild version of the anxieties that began for me later.
Right after school I met a girl, slept with her and got married a year later. It’s stupid, but now I think that this is also a christian stereotype deeply drilled into my head: get laid = get married. I loved her, we explored our sexuality a little, we had a couple of boys, for example. She always had a tough character, and I was just soft and flexible enough to compensate for this: she decided everything in the family and so on. I've been told that this resembles patterns in my family in an interesting way.
(there were a couple of paragraphs of quite an interesting story about my spouse here, but I decided that this was not relevant, unless you consider my fucked psyche in general as a matter).
So we stopped having sex because she didn't enjoy it in her medical condition and my ethics naturally say that it would be violence, even if she first tried to "fulfill her marital duty" or something. About a year later, I almost accidentally took her to the hospital and she never forgave me for that, although she admits that she would have died in a couple of days otherwise.
When she left the hospital, I had more time for soul-searching. I shared my feelings with her, but received a not very pleasant answer: “if you want to play woman, play, I don’t care” (she actually used a derogatory word for woman that I can’t translate) and, you know, that wasn’t motivating at all. Ultimately, one New year I decided that my plans for the next year were to sort out my gender issues. And soon after that I quit my job, my apartment, and everything and left the country. Coincidentally. Let's just say that I'm not exactly liable for military service, but there are risks. She, of course, refused to go with me: by that time she already had a job and she is hardcore workaholic as I said. Living in exile had a rather positive effect on me: I had many new problems, but first of all, I began to sort out my head a little. For example, I came to the conclusion that when someone sticks a knife deep into my leg because I didn’t respond quickly enough at dinner, it’s not entirely good. And I explored the concept of non-binary, which I really enjoyed, but because I speak a grammatically gendered language, they/them pronouns felt weird and inconsistent, even though it was about half as good as being addressed as she/her. I cried a lot.
After some tossing and turning, rivers of alcohol, a couple of hundred falls into love, it suddenly turned out that I had a mutual crush with one of my pen pals. And everything started to turn around. She came to my new country for the weekend and brought with her an epilator for me. It was terrible, painful, unpleasant, I hated my body, but I felt happy that someone accepted me and my feelings. I had sex for the first time in almost a decade and it wasn't even disgusting (for some time I was disgusted by everything sexual, even thinking about cutting off my genitals). She moved in with me completely, I introduced her to my mother when they were in the same country, I feel happy and accepted. Actually, I really lacked acceptance... and I still can’t accept myself. My girlfriend is a wonderful post-gender person, like, she's definitely cishetero (and I'll have some problems with that, of course, but we'll work with it), but she gives zero fucks about gender stereotypes so much that I would fall in love with her for that alone. And then I realize that I can’t be like that. I would like to. But all these things are important to me, like, excuse me, I love the pink color. Here, in principle, the story ends, although I must also say that I now live in a very conservative country, which I like, but this makes things much more complicated.
And to my feelings. There will be a confusing composition here, because it, well, worries me, and I cannot calmly assess in what order it is better to describe it.
There are fucking stereotypes and double standards in my head. I try... let's say, my criteria for other girls: she is more comfortable that she is a girl. That's all. It doesn't matter what size her beard is and so on. I consciously, since I was a teenager, nurtured such an attitude in myself, to be inclusive, ethical and so on. Almost always I manage to stay within it (and I am very ashamed, but not always. When a transgirl I knew on the Internet came to visit me and my first spouse (to sort out the documents in my city), my spouse scolded me for behaving strangely - although initially she had a worse attitude towards the idea and talked about “a peasant in a skirt”, but in the end she treated her as an individual, and I... well, if it was noticeable, then I probably treated her based on the fact that she is amab). But anyway, for other people, I think a girl is when you call yourself a girl. For myself, I believe that I will never, never, never ever be able to become a real girl. From background and upbringing to the shape of the legs and everything. Never. Ever. Never. I can't because I'm not real. I think this might be internalized transphobia?
I want - visually, socially and sexually - to be a girl. But I don't believe that I will succeed. Okay, I didn’t believe it until last year, when I got a special one that believed in me, and this was passed on to me. I feel great in the clothes she chooses for me, and she says that she has never seen me so happy.
But I'm anxious and afraid of everything. I can’t imagine transition process in this society (and I couldn’t imagine it in the previous one either), I have enough homophobia here, and transphobia is even worse. And about the feeling that I’m not a real girl, I have a huge set of fears. What if I’m simply disgusted by male stereotypes and therefore replace them with female ones? What if it's just a sexual fetish? What if, what if.... some of them contradict each other, but that doesn't help. And vice versa: what if I’m a real girl, I’m just too afraid of the transition and therefore I’m making it all up? And every one of these thoughts makes me cry and everything.
And about pronounces: I mentioned that she/her is the most pleasant to me, but from time to time I start to feel like an impostor from this, so the usual, almost not painful he/him returns back to all communication.
I tried working with a psychologist about all of this, and it helped me a lot to relieve the hellish anxiety, but it doesn't really help anymore. I don’t have the money for this, and I don’t really believe that a psychologist or psychiatrist will help me. And I have absolutely no strength to do anything myself, it’s easier for me to ignore it, just like I never look in mirrors - it’s easier than trying to do something about my disgusting appearance (in fact, no, my girlfriend helps a lot with compliments and she's really fascinated by the way I look... but again, that doesn't really help me. It's SO much easier to just not shave, for example. I already look terrible, why remind myself of this in pathetic attempts to fix it, which are doomed to failure and only take up time that can be devoted to avoiding reality?). And when I’ll have money for a psychiatrist - this is after I’ll have money for physical health - first of all it will be to fight depression, not to mention the fact that I doubt that I will find a specialist in gender issues in this country.
I'm not sure, but I guess I'm writing this in hopes that someone has had a similar experience and can give me some ideas on what I can do to feel like a better person and less of a crap. On the other hand, as far as I understand myself, I have virtually no energy to do anything, so while I would be very happy with practical advice, I expect that I will simply be happy about how wonderful people are around me, and I’ll do nothing because I don't do anything.