Head ache feeling sick

Im expecting my first child, (a girl) so I’ve been thinking about mother daughter relationships a lot. I don’t really know how to describe my relationship to my mom. When i was younger i recall her as having really explosive anger to small things. When I had to clean my room she would knock things over or dump stuff out of my drawers and make me put it back again. All while yelling. She threw a mug at me which shattered on my temple and I had to get stitches (to this day my dad doesn’t know). When my grandfather SA’d me, she did make him leave the house but we just pretended like nothing happened. Now she just acts like she has no memory of anything that she did. But I remember getting pushed down, yelled at, for anything even being told she didn’t care that I was sick.
She does do alot for me and supports me financially whenever I need if she can. I can’t help but feel resentment despite that. When she tries to be really close to me it feels like smothering….
It’s just confusing hot and cold.

From Christmas gatherings to birthday wishes and Mother’s Day greetings it all makes me (21M) uncomfortable when it comes from a 32 year-old texting his 22 year old ex-girlfriend and her relatives.
Her younger brother (16M) recently called to wish him a happy birthday.
From what I understand about their relationship, my girlfriend (22F) first met him when she was 15 and he was 24 before they started to date when she turned 17 and they eventually moved in together when she turned 18 and graduated high school. Her family saw little to no issue with the age gap and the fact that a grown man had been having sex with a high school girl. She told me she lived with him for 4 years while he proceeded to cheat on her, abuse her, and live off of her before she moved back to our area.
Unfortunately, I hadn’t realized the proximity of their breakup to our first meeting. For example, it turned out that the dog they shared for that time had only been put down a couple of week before us meeting and, although she had broken up with him months earlier, she had continued to visit him and vice-versa in order to see the dog still. Her parents are not the most emotionally available people as well and her brother who is now 16 has had this pedophile as an influence in his life for the better part of 5 years now.
I started to feel uneasy about his connection to the family when we had only been dating a month and Christmas came around. She’d been working on Christmas Eve and the day of so I hadn’t invited her to my family gatherings but she had then mentioned to me that her younger brother asked to have her ex over for their Christmas celebration. So, she ended up cooking dinner and having him over, I felt that it was not my place to tell this family how to celebrate their holiday and didn’t want to be an overbearing and controlling partner. I above all wish she would have asked me about everything rather than telling me about it.
There’s been other instances of his influence rearing its head in our relationship as well but recently I had really put this negativity behind me. I felt me and her brother building a bond recently when I showed him some auto maintenance but I couldn’t help but still feel obsolete,unnecessary, and ultimately disgusted when I hear that her brother still wants to/feels the need to call a pedophilic child-grooming, woman abuser for a happy birthday message.
I’d raised this issue with her before and she has ceased contact with him and asking me what else I feel can be done about it. She explains that he had indeed been apart of his life for most of his formative years and he did not view him in the same way that I had due to the relationship they had so she also respects the connection that they have regardless of whether or not they’re dating and the fact that he’s never acted inappropriately around the younger brother.
I’m just not sure how to curve my reaction or if there is anything that can be done to change the situation. This truly feels like the woman I love and I think a lot of this “jealousy” comes down to me wanting to live my life with this woman free from anything that brings stress into her world but the constant reminder of a pedophile wanes on me as he continues to consistently have an impact on the people around her.
TL;DR My girlfriend’s younger brother recently called her child-grooming ex to wish him a happy birthday and it brings back feelings of inadequacy regarding my ability to be the one to provide.

Ok so long story short I’m (20/F)taking a physics class for the SECOND time. I’m alr so close to graduating it’s just these damn math credits I can’t seem to finish. I have my second exam coming up and have been studying like a dog but jus know I’m going to fail because I have bad test anxiety and blank when the test is infront of me + I alr failed the first exam and the semester only had 3 grades total -3 exams . The test is on the computer and on lockdown browser and supposed to be taken in the classroom . Anyways I ask my best and closest friend (22/M) of 9+ years if he could take the test for me at home while I go to class and get marked for attendance as I alr feel like I’m going to fail and expressed to him that my gpa is so low I can’t afford to fail or the school will kick me out. I also could not drop or switch the class because I needed full time credit for full aid and I’m too poor to pay for school and can’t switch because this is basically the only classes left I need to graduate. Basically he told me no because he will be at work. Mind you he works at a library where he plays around on his phone all day and will maybe take phone calls. I asked him if he could make an excuse where he needs to be on a phone or zoom call for 20 mins max to help me take the exam and he straight up tells me no. He will always take paid time off or sick hours just because he doesn’t feel like going to work or because he wants to go out / feels hungover from the night before and when I ask if he can take 20 mins off he doesn’t even try to make an excuse to help. Also I know if he really needed to his job would let him as I called him at work before to tell him ab drama and he told them he needed to take a phone call so I know it’s not possible. I know the favor is kind of big and cheating is really bad but I’m so close to graduating and have been struggling so hard in this math class I could just use help from my friend. And keep in kind this is not just some friend from class or a roomate no, this is my bestest friend since I was 12 years old like this man knows everything about my life and I know ab his. We literally ft and talk everyday. AITAH for being mad at him because he won’t help me ? He thinks my anger will blow over but this time I’m dead serious ab not fw him anymore for being fake . He’s done a lot of other things too but this really is just the cherry on top for me to end out friendship. Am I wrong ?

Hello, posting this to help people out who don't know what's going on.
When I first figured out I was being watched by these people I would try my best to avoid them and take side streets and nature paths in order to learn the extent I was being followed.
Turns out many many people, it seems like most people are apart of Neighborhood Watch and very few people were not invited.
My family and friends are apart of neighborhood watch and refuse to talk to me about it I don't know why. Well, they aren't my family and friends anymore because real friends & family don't do that.
I was told by someone who works for CSIS how to get off the watchlist here's how you do it:
Don't look suspicious, don't act paranoid, don't be negative or aggressive, don't do crime, live a normal life and pretty much just ignore it. Work your job, have a normal routine and stop associating with certain people in your life who might be a criminal.
Sounds odd because I've been getting stalked by these people since I was 13 but that was during a period where I was being bullied by people in my school immensely so that might have gave Neighborhood Watch an incentive to watch me in order for my protection.
Anyway not to talk too much about myself here... If you live your life for a long time, and I mean a long long time Neighborhood Watch and the Feds who are the mastermind behind this see that there is nothing going on with you they'll move on and stop watching you.
Right now, you're where the money's at. For whatever reason there's an incentive to watch you and that gives them a reason to do their job, write reports etc and gives them a reason to justify the surveillance and when these numbers where people are being watched they will be able to justify to courts why the need more funding for this type of surveillance.
I've been attacked by people on Neighborhood Watch many many times and have been set up several times to get arrested for crimes I didn't do. I've been set up so many times and it's all so they can justify why they need to watch me.... It's all BS they don't want to let me go, they want to aggravate me, harass me, stalk and attack me in order to keep me in a alert, panicked, negative and spiteful frame of mind in order for them to get me to retaliate and justify the surveillance for them in order for them to fill out reports to use in the courts so they can keep their numbers high, increase their fundings which will increase their pay, yadayadaya.
Stay out in the open, because they look for ways to attack and harass you in ways you'll have a hard time proving that they're doing that because these people are afraid of getting caught and are afraid of the police.
I've pissed off so many of these people by playing their game back (nothing illegal) and I've watched them get pissed off, yell at me, walk around me trying to find anything they can use to get back at me and what stops them is that they are in public and on camera, or other stalkers who WILL snitch on them are watching their move too because there are good, good and naive and ignorant stalkers who will snitch on their own stalkers if they see anything they do that's wrong. I've had stalkers snitch on other stalkers and tell the police that someone attacked me and that person got arrested and I doubt they're still on the Neighborhood Watch anymore.
I believe it's a CIA program at it's core trying to hurt people, manipulate people, behavior modify people whatever it is that CIA is known to do in the past I believe they're still doing it through Neighborhood Watch.... Mass shooters are on the rise and I believe CIA might be experimenting on people in ways where they can get away with it, just like how Neighborhood Watch people are trying to stalk you and harass you in ways they can get away with it and make it hard for you to prove it's happening.
Basically stay in the open, try your best not to retaliate, keep a normal routine and don't do anything illegal or shady and they'll see that nothing is going on with you over a LONG time and they'll move onto someone else. The person who works for CSIS told me that they'll come back and check up on you again, and again, a few times until they finally stop so keep that in mind. The stalkers are also getting stalked occasionally but they aren't away, like we are.
The best way to spot these stalkers is if they have their phone out and the phone camera is pointed at you these people always have their phone out, and earphones in their ear sometimes they'll keep it in one ear and sit on a bus or somewhere or walk by you with the other ear faced to you showing nothing's in their ear meanwhile they got an earpod often times in the other ear on the side not faced to you.
They'll show you if you confront them that they aren't recording you or that they don't have their voice call/face time up but they're able to minimize it or close it, then turn it back on when you aren't looking, I promise you they are face timing someone and that person who is face timing you is screen recording everything.
Ignore the posts about freemasons, illuminati, all that stupidness it's THEM trying to discredit people from speaking out and make us all sound crazy it's simply Neighborhood Watch and CIA/CSIS/NSA that's behind all of this, but the people on foot they're all Neighborhood Watch and they get paid by Patreon, it's all volunteer work some of them do get paid but it's from donations for example, some neighborhood watches have everyone donate $5 a month and pool it all together and these people get paid mcdonalds, or gift cards, and the extreme stalkers can up to $300 a week or more depending on how often they're stalking.
The intelligence agencies do recruit people from time to time, but most of the time, like 98% of the time it's simply Neighborhood Watch and disinformation assholes online trying to confuse everyone about what's actually going on.
Keep spreading the word, it's simply Neighborhood Watch and the Federal Intelligent Agencies behind all of this.... maybe you hit their radar for whatever reason just don't give them an incentive to watch you anymore like I said earlier and you'll be fine and remember, the stalkers occasionally get stalked too so don't take it personal and if you're dealing with bad neighbors harassing you maybe find legal ways to piss them off but legal, nothing illegal for example... crank up your music full blast (provided it's not past the legal limit) and put it up towards your ceiling or something like that.
Also.... one more important thing to tell you.
Some of these guys can see through your walls right? Yeah, I'm very familiar with this.
Look up the device called VAYYAR.... It allows people to see through the ceiling, the floor and the walls and it's very cheap this is the sort of device they use to spy through the walls and also please check your outlets because I had a pinhole camera in my washroom very nasty stuff they did to me but I want to spread the word because I wanna help anyone I can out there.
For police who try to suggest mental health problems, simply say you aren't a danger to yourself and others, and don't say you're mad or violent or anything negative just keep it simple and they'll have nothing they can use to apprehend you and put you in a mental hospital because some of them who know what's going on usually the supervisors want to make you scared and shut you up but I'm not a conformist not in the slightest and neither should you be.... Stand up for yourself we're dealing with evil vigilantes who are told propaganda about us in order to get them to sometimes hate us and they feel justified in doing what they're doing to us.
There's many ways to legally piss people off just in case your case is severe and you're dealing with people who are maliciously trying to hurt you and get away with it, and no cops are helping you. I've seen cases where they were jumping on someone's tiny home at night and throwing eggs at someone's house, or meeting someone where there's no cameras and assaulting their target and running off and cops don't help that person it's terrible and you don't need to put up with that so I'll tell you some tips:
Take a picture with your flash on and let them know you took a picture of them. Sometimes they'll get right in front of you and/or yell at you.... it's just them trying to intimidate you into stopping but they will not and cannot touch you because they know other stalkers are watching this go down, or cameras are in the area do not be intimidated even if it's a big scary looking person if you know they're a stalker then do not be intimidated at all it's all BS trust me, they will not touch you, and in the odd case they do press charges and get that stalker the jail time they need and file a lawsuit against that person and get paid if you can but 99.99% of the time they will not touch you, they'll only act like they will.
Don't take pictures of any children or teenager follows or harassing you, especially since they're children just accept that they've been duped and if they're actually breaking the law though and you can prove it, like if they're harassing you then video tape of course and protect yourself but only if you can prove it 100%
Be careful with taking videos and pictures, because sometimes they are recording you and won't stop or react as you're doing it and then they'll post what you're doing on their Facebook, Twitter, instagram, snapchat, youtube or wherever else even Discord and will frame you as a weirdo even though they are so be careful.
If you're walking by, no one's going to blame you for being a Klutz and accidentally step on their shoes or toes, I mean, things happen right?
Or if you have a water bottle you bought from the store and the lid is hard to open, no one is going to blame you if you accidentally open the water bottle and your arm flings to the side with the bottle in hand and you end up splashing one of them in the faces.
No one is going to blame you, if you have a coffee in your hand and you trip and you spill it all over them, or if you walk by and your heavy bag hits them in the head, I mean these are all accidents and no one can blame you for it just make sure you're not doing it on purpose ;)
They want to play their game, well there are ways we can play this back. We don't have to be as careful anymore when it comes to being considerate, or being mindful of where peoples feet are on the bus or subway, or wherever we no longer need to be mindful just don't do anything on purpose ;) and you're all good.
If you're being tailed by a stalker and cops won't listen to you.... Go to a side street at night as you're being stalked and while this is taking place, have in your trunk some big thick and possible sharp gravel or rocks in a bag and dump them all over the road where you know your stalker will be driving... lets say they drove past you... They'll take a U-Turn and drive back, so dump it wherever you know they'll be coming and say F them and their tires, they shouldn't be stalking you anyway.
I'll try to make more posts in the future if i can but I believe the Mods on this subbreddit are the ''Gangstalkers'' and they are controlling what is put out there so in case this post doesn't even make it, I'll simply just PM everyone on a day to day basis with this information instead and I'll make my own subreddit and PM everyone to join that one if the Mods feel like playing that game by censoring true and helpful information.
This is how things are right now the World isn't perfect. You're not the only one, bad people are in this World don't take it personal. Find God, find Spirituality find something meaningful and don't let anyone take that away from you be strong.
Good luck.

Sorry I know it's long.
So I (19 F) started doing martial arts almost a year ago. I moved for school and didn't know anyone and needed to get out of my house and there was a dojo only a few minutes away. It seemed like a good idea. I really enjoyed it, I never worked out or anything before and was very overweight so it was also incredibly difficult. I started being happier and actually made some friends there. Now to the point. Being the only female in the BJJ class was another challenge. All of these guys were bigger, stronger, more fit, and more experienced in this fighting style. I knew the coach (36-38 M) offered private lessons that lasted for between thirty minutes to an hour for like $30, so I asked for extra rolls.
If you know even the basics you know BJJ involves a lot of touching and grabbing. I thought his hand placement was weird but I thought I was being dramatic or making something out of nothing so I pushed it to the back of my mind. I didnt pay much attention even though it made me uncomfortable when he grabbed my behind, my upper thighs, my chest, or any other remotely private area. I thought it was normal because I was very new to the sport.
He recently messaged me and had me come to the gym it was a little after regular classes had ended so I thought I forgot something there because it's happened before. When I walked in it was dark, the lights were off, I thought it was weird and had the feeling I should have recorded but I ignored the feeling and didn't which was stupid in hindsight.
I flipped on the gym lights and he was there he asked me to go to the back it's another part that has the striking equipment bags, gloves, ect.. As soon as we got there he flipped the lights back off and my heart spread up and my stomach was in knots. I was panicking, silently of course, because I know this guy is a pro, and could very easily overpower me if he wanted to.
At that point I had pieced things together but I played dumb. He asked if I knew why he called me, I certainly did then, but I said no. He said, "I'm physically attracted to you. I've enjoyed rolling with you when we do it. Let me partake in you." (Yes he used the word "partake") He said this in a very intimidating voice while stepping closer and I immediately began looking for an exit but the only way out was the way I came in. I said, no, and thankfully he took it but he wasn't happy about it. As I tried to leave he stopped me and grabbed my hand and squeezed hard and said, "I hope this doesn't make you uncomfortable coming back here. Have a good night."
I walked to my car and started crying, it was like a wave of releif washed over my body. I know something ten times worse could have easily happened. The next day he put in the gym group chat the he was having a ceremony for his wife, who happens to be his highschool sweetheart, and wants to thank her for everything she's does for the gym. Last week he had the ceremony, gave her flowers, kissed her, and gave a speech about how much he loves and appreciates her and his three daughters. All of this in front of the over twenty people there that day.
I've become more aware of every single movement this man makes. When I went to the striking class the next day, during drills he touched my back, waist, and hair. It made my skin crawl. His wife and children were at the dojo that day, it scares me how bold he is. How is he comfortable doing that when they could easily see him?
I know his wife. I've had several conversations with her. I've helped her with remodeling a studio. I've played with his children. She and his kids adore him. I can't understand why he would throw all of that away. I can't tell his wife because I don't think she'd beleive me and if she did I'd be tearing apart a family. I know and he knows I can't say anything to anyone else because he's a "good Christian man" and always praises and brags on his family and talks about God and Jesus and has known all of these people for years before I came into the picture. To them I'm a newer friend who isn't religious. They'll take his word over mine any day.
He's acting like nothing happened at all. I think he's trying to make me think I'm crazy and to be honest it's working. I've questioned if it actually happened, if anything happened, the only reason I'm sure is because I called my therapist that night damn near having a panic attack. I've thought about switching then change my mind because it's not that bad right? I told my friend that and she knocked me in the head and said I was switching whether I liked it or not and that she would start going with me.
He still keeps messaging me asking me what I'm doing, if I'm coming, if I want private lessons. It scares me because he knows where I work and go to school. He thankfully doesn't know where I live. I just know if he had really wanted to that night he could have easily had his way with me. He still could if I'm not careful. I have a few months until my contract with that gym is up, then I'm going to switch. The next closest one is an hour away, but I guess that's the cost of being a woman....
I'm just mad, and a little sad. I thought this guy was my friend, and now I'm going to lose all of the friends I've made at the dojo so far. I finally found something I enjoy doing with people that i like being around. Now I have to leave and try to get to know new people again. I'm terrible with socializing so this was hard, and I'm going to have to do it all over again.
I just wonder how long he was looking at me like nothing more than a piece of ass. At the same time that thought makes me nauseous. How many times has he done this? Is this the only time? Does he do this to every barely legal aged girl that walks into his gym? Is this why there are only three female members? Does his wife know she married an unfaithful piece of shit? So many questions, and no way to get answers.
I've thought about quitting martial arts all together, wondering if the hour drive every single day is actually worth it when I move gyms. Every time I think about it I feel awful though. I know I can't quite or I'll spiral....I hate this and I'm tired of this...I want to tell my family but I can't. My mother and aunt would cause even more problems for me and I think my great-grandmother would worry herself to death. The only people who know are my four friends outside the gym, my therapist, and now whoever decides this is worth it to read.

Today! Today issued forth these existential moments, when the absence of human activity is the defining feature of the landscape – not because there is a disaster or a change of heart about the human project but because, well, I don’t know, so I grab my backpack, which stands for aspects of the soul that only sprout in alternate realities – and charge into the day to find out. By noon, the heat is like a flickering color in the mind – unseasonably early for this sort of highlight, and then I remember the cicadas are appearing, which might explain the sudden interest by the rest of the universe. Not halfway down the block, I’m startled by the first cicada of the season – near the top of the tallest tree by the building that houses the renowned music program. The cicada makes music all by itself, and it is like a siren made of clicks, a drumstick pulled across bones.
This is just the beginning of the historical emergence, and the location where I live is one of the nationally recognized hot spots. The people, I don’t believe, have evacuated, but they certainly aren’t rubbing their hands over the trembling earth, waiting for bulging eyes and knobby legs to drag a dirt-stained cicada out of the ground, then off to a place to molt. The molting process is brimming with the sort of metaphor we associate with heaven – something below ground for its whole remembered life, save for a brief time after it hatches, falls out of a tree and into the grass, crawls down into the soil to find a tasty dandelion root to suck on. That original body, on the brightest day of the year, goes searching for a hard vertical surface to cling to, like the side of the tree it was feeding on, then escapes out of its body through the hind end of its own skull.
The heat seems to have its own sense of choice in evidence. While I’m standing there, listening for more clicks, the heat generates a crackling sensation across my shoulders, like patches of my skin are sparkling below my shirt. The clouds – more of those cumulonimbus dreams-come-true – are simultaneously isles and aisles – two bulging eyes – both work, so whichever, either one a somewhat brawny pronunciation, like the words have to walk with a slight bow about the legs, because of the pronounced thigh muscles. Just as I turn to walk away from the lone cicada at the top of the school of music’s tallest tree, the clicking begins again. I stop and turn back to the tree – it stops. I turn to walk, and the clicking sounds again. Maybe the cicada brood will be so large, the movie we call reality has given them final cut, at least for the next few months, so I carry on.
That cicada was a female – they make that clicking sound by rubbing their wings together, and I picture the males all hearing the clicking as a variation of – could some big strong male crawl on over and open this jar for me? The male call is the more familiar whooping siren, which is made with a spasmodic diaphragm on their abdomens – Jerry Lee Lewis at his most raucous – though I believe he did play piano with his feet, so there are dissimilarities, too. The big winners will be the birds and fish, which are looking forward to extra animal protein wherever they look for the next couple of months, second nesting seasons all but in the bag. At the height of his fame, Jerry Lee famously wedded his 13-year-old cousin. Myra Williams was her name, and she said later, after the divorce, she was always the adult in the relationship. They stayed married for 13 years.
Scientists speculate that cicada broods follow such irregular cycles – 7 years, 13 years, 17 years – because they are prime numbers and therefore difficult for predators to sync to over time in the performance of their own boom and bust cycles. I like this theory, though I wonder why the rest of the animal kingdom hasn’t likewise worked the numbers – like cicadas launched themselves into a probabilistic deep-space orbit inside the mind of nature, and never looked back. I picture Neil Armstrong on the ladder of the lunar module, freezing in place, mission command busy on the radio but no reply from Neil until, all wet and new, he bursts forth through the back of his space helmet, as naked as the day he was born, gets busy inflating his wing casings, as mission control cheers, and the scientists all light cigarettes to relieve the stress, maybe hand out cigars.
The heat is a measure of energy in the system – to the extent it also accounts for human absence, we stay huddled inside on hot days like today due to chronic overabundance – nature is giving us too much – which is also true for many allergies and fevers – but with the overabundance of energy, you can find relief through the judicious application of even more energy, which option I used to always forego on general principle – I want to feel the reality of days overabundant as surely as days where the molecules are all optimally excited. These days, I’m in charge of a mid-sized HVAC operation, and thus, feel part of my body living inside a factory of probability that stretches around the world. We humans, on days like today, take it as a given that temperature-controlled climates are part of the deal, that molecules should be in optimal states of excitement.
Which, with self-similarity across scale in mind, might suggest nature treat our excitability with similar regard. Oh to live the life of temperate climes, where fairness and passion are concerned! I’m on my way to the library to borrow a book about love and rage, written by a Buddhist, who examines the roll of anger in transformation. I have no truck with my fellow human sufferers – literally no anger at all – but with human systems? Disembodied intelligences? Those aspects of the hyperform that privilege torment and indifference? When it climbs to a high enough part of the tree to be heard, I can indeed hear my anger. What’s that? A false reality precipitates false authority? Yet knowing this, hyperforms readily believe wealth confers merit. The exaggerated accumulation of capital is an existential disease assuaged with the delusion of personal success.
A block from the library, I come upon two boys playing in a pile of sand beside a garden. The one boy seems to be trying to burrow inside it, and the other is battering the sand with the flat side of a child-sized metal shovel. He has the wrong shovel for the job, a fact I choose to keep to myself, especially since the one really is trying to thwack the tall pile just as hard as he can. The sort of thing kids do in a spirit of curiosity – what happens to the world when the force of one’s anger is applied to a giant pile of sand? Perhaps the urge to use force for no reason is the human behavior we end up with when ambient energy gets so overabundant. This is what life seems to be – the planet’s novel approach to dissipating heat. We are much more than that, of course, and fortunately, the kids have plenty of time and energy to prove it. Their parents tell them to stop.
When a cicada molts, the effect is more than just a body crawling out of a body – for instance, in the moments before this happens, the cicada is visibly squirming inside its former self, which is permanently clinging to the side of a tree, and all the while, it is feeling the pronounced effect of gravity for the first time in its life, not to mention terrestrial life in the trees, where the sap flows freely and sunshine dances on those giant globular eyes for the first time. Emerging cicadas first do a backbend, then hang upside down by their hind ends, letting the legs, wings and abdomen inflate and adjust to the atmospheric pressure, which pressure gracefully draws the body back to an upright posture. They stay that way, letting their wings inflate, flatten out, stiffen. Veins in the wings were veins, were flesh, before the flesh became the will to fly, a means of saying hello.
Nearer the library, I catch sight of someone squatting in the subsurface terrace of the Unitarian-Universalist peace church – I spot a bedroll and backpack, a forty-ounce can of something cold to drink on such a sweltering day. The guy is leaning against the brick wall, staring into space, and I picture him being the pile of sand from the block before – the one repeatedly hit over the head with the flat side of a shovel. At the library, they’re resetting the furniture after a musical performance. I don’t really know who it was – I just see my favorite librarian thanking someone with a violin case, the sort of hardened case they used to carry machine guns around in, and for a moment I hear the rat-a-tat-tat that stands for the sound of anger overcoming us – but then it becomes that highest cicada, back at the top of her tree, rubbing her wings, building railroads.
The heat on the walk home – neighborhoods still evacuated – is like a drunken horse I’m forced to ride. I can feel my body swaying from side to side a little more than usual, so I try to imagine some other time – for instance, when our bodies will be able to take the heat on a day like today and do something with it – cranial stimulation or micromachines to repair the body or even just a way for the body to stay cool without installing an HVAC system. A crow stops me cold when I hear it imitating the sound of a cicada – it doesn’t have the tone exactly right, but it’s doing the clicks, and I know this is true of crows – they acquire new elements of language from what they hear, and the crows must be hearing female cicadas calling out to the others. What a witness! I call up to the crow – or maybe it’s just got a cicada in its beak. In instant reply, the crow shrieks.

My (27f) boyfriend (28m) and I have been together for nearly 5 years and have a 8 month old daughter. Shortly before she was born, my boyfriend got his haircut and mentioned he wasn’t going to cut his hair until our daughter got her first haircut. She is now 8 months and has 1 inch of fuzziness atop her head… first haircut nowhere in sight.
My boyfriend has pretty good style, but has some interesting quirky things he does occasionally in terms of style. I don’t always like his style choices, but generally keep quiet (unless it’s a fedora, sorry fedora lovers).
To get to the point, I was NOT feeling excited thinking about him with long, luscious hair. I mentioned that my mom didn’t cut my hair til I cut it myself at 4 because it grew in curly and didn’t need to be cut, and asked if he would wait that long. At another point I mentioned the long hair (probably saying something hinting as disapproval) he got emotional asking if I wouldn’t find him attractive with long hair.
Now he’s started to braid it every once in a while, which is fine, do what you want. But then he takes the braids out and has crazy hair, then leaves it like that for days. It literally looks like a clown wig. He also started getting dandruff, so it’s like a dandruff-filled clown wig. I think it also has to do with the length, which is approaching lord-farquad length.
I try to say things to hint about hairstyles that don’t look this terrible, but I don’t want to hurt his feelings. He is doing stuff for the dandruff, but it doesn’t seem to work. TBH, I do find myself less attracted to him since the hair shape and style are regularly so visually unappealing.
Would I be an asshole for suggesting he not wear it in that style? Or for suggesting a way he could trim it to look more flattering? Am I an asshole for not finding him as attractive with this hair?

Firstly I want to preface this with I love my son and I know it's not his fault he's upset a.lot currently.
My LO (7 months) has never been easy, very colicky and right now he's teething so it's gone into overdrive. I am also the only person who looks after him on the weekdays ( I work weekends and my partner has him then) I had a 50kmh bike accident two days ago and tore some neck muscles/dislocated shoulder and elbow and got a decent concussion - enough to make me vomit and pass out.
I have to say looking after him alone with a head injury is a nightmare. It's hard in a good day but with the nausea and vertigo and the crying giving me head splitting headaches this is easily one of the hardest things I've done. I have just been sitting on the ground crying while he screams at me non stop in between eating or pooping or one short nap.
I'm sure many people can relate - either being sick and looking after babies alone etc. I'm luckily I have my partner to take him on the weekend while I work instead of doing daycare which is so expensive here (AU)
Just looking for some encouragement I think. I am really struggling

I know…
I know this is my fault.
I know there’s no one to blame but me.
I know the path is hard and uncertain.
I know I don’t deserve to cry over this.
I know.
Tonight is hard.
I miss my love, and it’s taking everything to not just call him, even more to not just go knock on his door.
Every part of me needs him tonight.
I can’t do that to him.
I need to be strong for him, like he’s been for me for so long.
But tonight is so hard, and my heart aches like never before.
If I ever get to hold him again I will never let go.
There’s only time between us, I know that. But time feels like my enemy tonight.
I’m so sorry. To everyone.

Hey all, I wanted to do another deep dive into the MEB process. So this deep dive with cover the VA and c&p exams. Note this is after you get a decision for a Full MEB. Please look at my previous deep dive for info on that process
So c&p exams are what take place after you meet with your VA MSC and fill out your SHA Part A. These C&P exams can be sometimes held at a VA hospital but are usually contracted out to third party. The big ones are OPTUMSERVE, QTC, and LSG. You will get called, and emailed regarding your exam dates. Do NOT miss these appointments, these take priority over literally everything, I’ve seen peoples promotion test dates changed because of these exams. If you miss one your PEBLO and your commander are going to be pissed, if anyone try’s to give you a hard time, talk to your supervisor or shirt because these are MANDATORY appointments.
For the head and toe exam it will be a standard, full body exam, and you will go over a majority of your claims during this time. From knee pain to IBS to GERD, it covers a lot of your claims in one swoop. Any follow up exams like sleep study’s and X-rays will be scheduled after this exam. This is the longest exam by far, and usually takes the longest to see results. They will fill out a DBQ (Disability Questionnaire) for each “issue” you are claiming. You can look these up on the VA website to get a gist for what they are looking for. After the exams are done, eventually you can log on to TRICARE ONLINE (yes I know genesis exists but they still upload these to tricare online) to see what the doctor put for each claim.
My sleep study was done at home with a device I picked up and dropped off the day after, yours might be different and it depends on the c&p contractor doing your exams, just because you didn’t have a sleep study while your in does not meet you can’t claim sleep apnea and get one during your VA claim.
Audio exam is a more detailed version on the military one and involves a lot of science stuff that I can’t explain that much tbh. But tinnitus is claimable and is very hard to prove that you don’t have. Do with that what you will, and again you will be able to see the results on tricare online.
Finally, the MH exam, is probably the most stressful and difficult one. You will meet with a psychologist either in person or usually via telehealth, like zoom. These can take up to 2 hours but can be shorter depending if the doctor has read your file from the military and everything adds up. I’ve seen these take 15 minutes or sometimes 2 hours, it depends on the doctor and what they have read. This is not the time to be strong and act like nothing is wrong. Be vulnerable and open and honest. Remember this is not a therapy session, they are here to evaluate your claim, it is strictly business, understand that, they might seem cold or like they don’t care but it’s because they can’t care, they are evaluating your claim, not fixing your issue. You are allowed to request the gender of your psychiatrist if you choose to, this is helpful to people with MST. Again, you can see the results of this DBQ on tricare online usually a week after the exam.
Please remember to lay everything out on the table during these exams, this is not the time to downplay or dismiss your pain or health issues, this is the time to be honest and open with everything. After the MH one, please do some self care, it can be very triggering and re traumatizing and bring up a lot of emotions. Please do self care or talk to someone, my DM’s are always open and I can always chat and let you vent, cry or yell.
Remember during these exams, you might be having a good day, but be honest about your symptoms on your worst day not the best day. If at anytime you feel like you’re not being heard or your doctor is being rude or lazy, let your MSC and PEBLO know and file a complaint to get a new exam done. This is money and benefits at stake and you do not want to have to deal with this after you get out.
Also, remember these exams are just one part of your rating and if you feel like the doctor didn’t accurately evaluate you, don’t get upset or overthink too much, the rater at the VA will look at everything not just these exams to make your rating.
If you have any questions please reach out to me in my DM’s, I’m currently done with my exams and will continue to make these deep dives to help anyone going thru the MEB process understand as much as they can.
Previous MEB post

I am a 16 year old girl (AFAB) and I have a diagnosed primary immune deficiency. I'm currently off immunoglobulin and have been for about 2 years now. Im not sure what medications I take, it's mostly non-prescription stuff with just a few prescriptions. I've experienced some pain in my left leg on and off for about 3 months, but it's been super consistent the last week. I finally told my mom about the pain because today it was hurting pretty bad. It doesn't feel like sore muscles, and I know sore muscles, but I'm not sure how I could have injured it since I've been sick and in bed lately due to fatigue and general weakness, which I think is most likely unrelated. It hurts more when I take pressure off my feet after walking or standing for a while (it always hurts this is just something that makes it feel worse.) I don't think it's anything super serious, but I've considered asking my mom if I can see a doctor just because the pain is starting to become kind of bad, even compared to the chronic pain I already experience daily (mostly headaches for some reason). So, should I try and see a doctor? Or is there something I should do to try and wait it out at home? I've never really had pain quite like this before.

Hi all! I'm 11 weeks first time expecting mother. Yesterday I had a scary experience where I almost passed out.
I've been staying with my parents for a bit to get over the worst of first trimester sickness. The temperature control in their shower is really off and I was taking a shower on a decent enough temperature at first but then went to adjust it slightly and it got really hot for a while.
Steam generates very quickly in that bathroom even though I had windows open for air and ventilation. Anyway it was a long shower and i was standing and breathing in steam for a while before I started to feel weak and eventually got out.
I then started to feel thumping heart palpitations in my chest and my breathing was slowing and becoming more hard, muscles became weak. I sat down and tried to take deep breathes but still not improving. Eventually I threw up and it provided instant relief!
I'm so lucky I didn't black out and regained myself but I'm a little concerned if any of this has affected my baby. I just got a bit freaked out by the incident, especially when i remembered that sunas are not allowed for pregnant women. I will definitely be more careful in the shower from now on, taking shorter showers at a cooler temperature. I'm just interested to know if anyone else has had this experience, and whether this has potentially harmed my baby.

This is the only sub I figured would get an "I get it" head nod.
I just found a tote of old clothes I forgot existed. And found my vintage high school Gap boot cut mom jeans. And they fit!!! And they are intact, somehow! Yay. Perfect, free modest jeans. If I went shopping for jeans today, it would be these. I've had them so long they are modestly in fashion. I'm not trendy. I'd like to be. It just doesn't work out that way. I'm overly sensible so that my kids can have more activities and experiences. I feel too guilty spending money like that on myself.

I've (21M) fairly recently gone through a breakup with my ex-girlfriend (20F) and shes moved on very quickly. The relationship lasted a year and a half and we were living together for aproximately 5 months before the breakup. It has honestly been one of the hardest things I've ever been through. Its been about 2 months since the offical split and its not been getting much better. What makes it so hard is how serious it was, we were living togeher, she would frequently tell me she wanted to get married in a few years, we would constantly talk about our future together. She was from France (I'm Australian and she had immigrated here for studies and is planning to stay). In November and December of last year we travelled back to her home country and I spent almost 2 months staying with and meeting the vast majority of her family. As you can imagine I felt as though this would be the one, we were very close, I loved her incredibly deeply, and even though we're young I thought she was very committed, and her words and most of her actions reflected this.
We had had a few hard discussions, one in particular in France, largely around my need for reassurance and sensitivity. For context, I was not controlling in any way, I understand the importance of friends, family and maintaining a life outside a relationship and didn't put any barriers up stopping her from doing this. In fact we had had multiple discussions about me helping her branch out and find more friends and connections in Australia, and I did everything I could to help her. I am however, a deep feeler, and attach quite strongly to people in my life and have a big need for quality time so in situations when she was becoming distant or I felt like I wasn't prioritized or appreciated I felt insecure and needed reassurance often. However, after the discussion, I became more aware of how this affected her and did a LOT of work to not require reassurance as much and accept her need for space. Following our trip to visit her family, when we got home, things started to degrade. She was steadily becoming more and more distant, and the majority of the time I was doing a lot of work in the relationship to make sure her needs were met and sacrificing mine. Despite this, everything still felt generally happy. As time passed though, she kept on becoming more distant and not communicative which resulted in me feeling incredibly anxious all the time. Eventually, we had a discussion and the idea of her moving out but continuing the relationship came up. Initially, I was on board with this, admittedly very confused as the idea of us moving in together was hers in the first place. I was more reluctant but it ended up working very well for me and was very happy living together. Eventually, we decided to keep living together, but give each-other more space through other means.
Now where shit really hits the fan: This seemed to be working well, but she went away for a weekend trip with some friends, and came back very very distant, telling me that she thought moving out was the better idea. I was understandably hurt by this and asked her if she wanted to even continue the relationship. She said she wasn't sure, and long story short we (mostly her) decided she needed a break for a few months. While she found a place, we kept living together but in separate rooms to simulate a break. As time went on though, she would come to me more and more, spending more time with me, and we had back-and-forth discussions about whether the break was really needed. She ended up deciding it wasn't and would just move out. She would often talk about how she was hopeful for the relationship, talk about our future with me again, and come visit my family again.
She went on another trip away one weekend shortly after this and came back cold, distant and a bit cruel. She basically said that she was lying and that she wasn't hopeful, didnt love me anymore and wanted to end the relationship. I was very very very hurt and confused, it was like she was a different person. She moved out a few days later. Throughout this process I was so kind to her, making sure she felt safe, ate well, and had someone helping her. Despite this she was cold and cruel and I somewhat regret that I treated her with kindness she didnt deserve.
Post breakup I haven't recovered in the slightest. How could someone who seemed so in love and committed just leave like that? and how could her feelings have faded seeming so quickly? I called her today because I was struggling with closure and she just sighted "sometimes people just drift apart" as well as "you were too sensitive, needed too much reassurance etc." She also moved on to another person less than a month after the breakup which makes me feel worthless, unloveable and that none of our relationship mattered. I just cant wrap my head around why? why did she move on so quickly? we had such a serious relationship and I'm hurting harder than I knew possible and she told me how much happier she is now. I understand that she probably checked out of the relationship a while ago, but to understand that is beyond me - especially after the things she talked about our future. I'm seeking help today, getting a referral to a psychologist but the hurt doesnt feel like it'll ever stop.
I just need some input from others. It really feels like my fault and that I've lost the girl of my dreams and to help me make sense of how she can move on so quickly. I loved her so deeply, even when she treated me poorly. I was the first guy that she introduced her whole family to, I was even included in family photos with them and they all loved me, she loved me. How can that fade so suddenly and with such poor reasoning. My family embraced her so much and myself and them did so much for her. I know myself well enough that I know I treated her so well which makes it so much harder to accept that she could just leave.

I suppose the reason I’m making this post is to hear yalls thoughts on the situation, as I don’t quite know how to feel.
I (21F) am a part time server at a local restaurant as a job while I’m in college. Now, if you’ve ever been a server, you know that sometimes you get creepy customers who find it okay to make sexual remarks/ flirt heavily with you. In my experience, if you shoot them down, they won’t tip you. So I don’t play along per se, but I don’t tell them off either.
Today I had a table with two old men and their early 20’s son. The interaction started off normal, they were hangry and agitated & treated me like shit the beginning of the service. As they got more food/ appetizers they calmed down and were fairly pleasant. Towards the end of the meal, I offered to go boxes, and one of the men said “I only want a box if you come in it.” Now I’ve heard this one before, so i laughed, ignored it, and asked again if they needed a box for their food. He wouldn’t let up. He said, “I’m serious, I wanna take you home.”
After that comment, I just smiled and walked away. I went back a few times to grab empty plates & hand them their check, and each time I came he had another gross comment to make. “You’re so pretty” “Seriously, I want you to come with me” etc.
Finally, as they were leaving I went to the table for “Friendly Farewells” and noticed they hadn’t left a tip on the card. I was trying to nonchalantly see if there was cash on the table. The man proceeds to hold up a wad of cash and tell me this is my tip. I smile and thank him, reaching for the cash, before he snatches the money back and shook his head.
He then told me, “No, I want to put it in your apron.” Mind you, our aprons sit just below our waist, with three pockets- one in the middle (by the crotch) and two on either side.
Again, thinking he was joking, I smiled and laughed, slightly reaching my hand out to take the cash. The man then proceeded to dodge my hand and stick the cash (and his entire hand) down the CENTER pocket of my apron.
And instead of stopping or yelling at him, I froze like a fucking idiot because I’ve never had someone even ATTEMPT to do that. After he placed the cash in the pocket, he winked at me and left with the rest of his party.
I stood there dumbfounded, the table next to me saw the whole thing and asked me if I was okay. I didn’t have an answer and went back into the kitchen in silence. I don’t know if this counts as assault, but he invaded my space in such an inappropriate and suggestive way, I don’t know how to process that.
Eventually, I told my manager and he ran out of the kitchen to find them but he was already gone by then.
I don’t understand why old men think it’s okay to disrespect young servers just trying to scrape through life, but it’s fucking gross.

So, to condense a longer story short, I'm (m22) friends with this girl(f22) that I met while studying abroad last year. We met via mutual friends in our friend group, hung out a bunch, got closer, I catch feelings, typical story. The whole time I hid my feelings from her since I could tell at the time it wasn't mutual. In doing so she accidentally hit with one of those "the worst she could say is no" moments that really fucked with my head and tested our friendship. At some point she knew that I had liked her, and I knew that she knew, so awkwardly we continued our friendship ignoring the elephant in the room. Luckily the friendship survived and I generally moved past it, but I was still unsatisfied with never having got proper closure. A few months after I returned home, I asked to have a call with her to fully sort out my feelings, my heartbreak, and the future as friends. Happily she obliged, and we mutually expressed thoughts, exchanged apologies at our mistakes and overall had a healthy conversation, that I hoped would bring me closure.
Since that call, I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders, but I didn't fully feel closure. It cleared up any potential awkwardness between us (on my end at least) and gave way to what was next. A few weeks after the call, the two of us started making travel plans to go and see our friend group in the summer, the first time seeing them since we both returned home. Over the past few months since we decided to make those plans, we've been called for hours, texting multiple times a week, just generally being good friends despite time differences and distance. I feel we'd bridged whatever distance was between us, and now we're back on track to stay good friends for a while.
The problem is that I think I have feelings for her again. Either that or subconsciously my feelings never went away and now they're coming back with her actively in my life again. I know that I'm free to talk about feelings-related stuff with her, but I don't want it to change the mood of our trip, or make her feel as if she has to act differently around me. While it takes 2 people to tackle this problem, she's only a human, and it feels unfair for her to carry the burden of my emotional state time and time again. It feels like closure is a myth to me.
So now to my question: how should I proceed? should I bring it up before the trip, or have the heart to heart convo in person? Obviously not everything can be answered now, but any insight or opinions would help me sort my thoughts.
TL;DR: I fell for a girl overseas. It went unrequited and I thought I got over it. we're planning a trip to see each other (and other friends) again, and after planning the trip I think my feelings are returning.
Thank you for reading, I appreciate it

Hi!! I’ve been sick recently and today I was taking a nap because I was feeling really unwell, and I had set an alarm for the time that I usually feed my cat, Bella, but when I’d woken up I realized it hadn’t gone off. As soon as I realized I made her a plate of food and typically when I start preparing her food she’ll come over and meow like crazy, but this time she was just staying where she was. I chalked it up to her being anxious because at the time it was storming really bad, so I brought the food closer to her but she didn’t budge. I ended up setting the bowl in it’s usual spot on the floor for her and getting back in bed. I was scrolling on tiktok for about an hour and I heard her gagging and immediately knew something was wrong. She’d thrown up a foamy/clear blob and kind of just sat there while staring at me 😭 (it was funny to see her face in the moment but trust me I was so worried for her) and now she’s just laying down and sleeping. I want to schedule a vet visit just in case it’s something serious, but I also haven’t seen any other changes in her behavior besides what’s happened today and I don’t want to stress her out by taking her.
Also for context, I’m a new cat mom and she’s my first actual cat of my own so I’m also just really anxious that something could be wrong with her!! She’s still a kitten, abt 8 months now and she only weights 6.5lbs!!

For the last few months I've been feeling extremely disconnected from reality. On top of that my health anxiety is out of control. I feel like there's a constant brain fog, like my writing and speech abilities have gone down the drain, like my vocabulary is reduced and like i've been using way too many filler words. I've also been having trouble drawing, it seems like everything i try to do is never as i pictured in my head and it frustrates me. I also feel like my English has been terrible lately and like i can't use it to the extent i used to before. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow because I believe i have a brain tumor. I've also had my heart checked and everything was ok. I left the meds about a month ago following my psychiatrist's orders...the truth is that for some reason i got worse in the last few months and before she took me off the meds I didn't tell her because since I'm 20 now (i started consulting her when i was 16) she would have me transfered to an adults psychiatrist who would put me on medication for the rest of my life. I don't want that. I just want to live a normal life like everyone else without this feeling of dispair that feels like there's always something wrong with me. I've also been dealing with withdrawl symptoms such as brain snaps for example, do you guys know any way to deal with them. Also sometimes when i'm haviny anxiety crisis at night e hear "voices" in my head, like my thoughts are screaming. I was really proud of the progress i've made in the last 4 years and i thought it was close to beeing over but now here I am again. Was my english too bad?

I was with my loved one for two years, I wasn’t the perfect partner but I know I was a good one because I cared about her with my entire heart. I would give her reassurance and affection every day, I would only lose patience in fights that she took it too far as I know I didn’t handle every fight well. The fights were always over small things too. She would also take things out on me if she had a bad day. I would also ask for alone time if I sensed an argument would happen to avoid it but she took that as me ignoring her or the silent treatment. I would also get blocked and unblocked depending on how upset she was from the fights along with mean things said towards me, it was hard because I know I lost some patience in some of the fights but they shouldn’t have even happened in the first place.
Fast forward I feel like our last fight changed everything, we made plans to spend time and I asked when she was ready and she told me the timeframe so I decided to do something to pass the time especially since I was tired and almost knocked out so it would help me get energy but she finished significantly faster than what I expected. I told her okay let me finish this real quick and we will spend time but she didn’t appreciate the slight delay in plans saying how I didn’t prioritize her saying I chose something else over here and cancelled our plans and wouldn’t listen to me that it wasn’t a big deal and only a slight delay as I’ll be finished soon so I was upset after awhile because nothing I said was getting through to her so i regret saying to her that she was being a baby and that she was being annoying since she kept insisting I chose something over her. This would then make her extremely mad telling me to unalive myself about 40 times in all caps and how she’s going to leave my life and block me. The thing is this wasn’t the first time she would say these things so I didn’t take it seriously but then I would spend the rest of the time not being annoyed anymore and trying to calm her down.
But then it seems as if that fight is the reason I was discarded, because after the fight she was distant but I thought it was because she was stressed and sick since that is what she told me. There were about two instances where she said that she didn’t feel the same anymore and that she was unhappy as I wasn’t listening to her but she’s said these things in the past a lot before too as I asked her what was wrong and she then says that she feels unwell and in pain. Throughout the two weeks after the fight I was being supportive and I didn’t say anything negative, she was even telling me that she loved and misses me and how she would always be in my life as I wasn’t always the one saying these things first. She asked me if I hated her since she wasn’t herself and I thought it was because of the stress and pain that she was in especially since she told me she was drinking for two days but I’m unsure if it was more. One of the days she even told me she was agitated and overwhelmed and apologized when she suddenly lashed out at me when she would say that I dismiss her feelings.
The day before she blocked me she even told me she loved me. Then the next morning she says this isn’t working for her anymore and I saw she wasn’t herself especially since she had typos which only happened if she was stressed and I’m telling her only messages of support saying she doesn’t need to push me away and that I’m here for her but then I saw her irritated saying that she was done and unhappy and then blocked me. I tried to message her everywhere I could but I always was blocked without a response and then I saw her attempting to seek a new connection with others and when I told her to just talk to me she told me to fuck off and that I ruined her life.
She replaced me so quickly as she’s always spending time with this new guy for hours as it might be the honeymoon phase but it’s left me so depressed because I don’t understand how I instantly meant nothing anymore. I feel this guilt and remorse that if I had more patience none of this wouldn’t happened especially in the last fight and everyone I speak to says I did nothing wrong but I’ve been in misery because we had a great connection and she was always sweet and kind towards me but suddenly turned cold as I don’t know why this is happening to me as it is so unexpected in being replaced despite all the good we’ve shared for years.

One day i went to the gym and decided to warm my body up in the sauna for 20 min, after i got out i went to start working out trying to hit a personal record on bench (ive been working out since 16, im now 24) and on my last rep i felt woozy and out of breath which i thought was normal since usually it feels like that after a heavy or intense workout. Next workout comes along and i still feel that way and i decide to end it there and go home. On my way home i started getting tunnel vision and the feeling of going to sleep or fainting? (Ive never fainted so idk how that feels) and i wanted to stop driving but i was 3 min away so i kept going, i genuinely thought i was going to have a stroke or something cs my left side of my body felt as if it was going limp. Its been 4-5 months and ive done scans (head, heart, and lungs), ekg, and blood work and everything seems and feels perfect but i still feel like passing out whenever i leave my house, whether its driving or going to a store and the thought of going out and passing out scares me. Ive never delt with anxiety or depression and honestly was against to people feeling that way bcs i simply thought “oh you could just get your things in check and break through those barriers” especially with my faith strong in God anything is possible, but since ive been thinking different, i fear fainting while driving and hurting someone or passing out in the middle of a store or gym. I quit work because of the inability to drive (ima truck driver) and stopped going out to social gatherings. So after a bit of therapy and meditation (20 mg hydroxzyne and 20 mg propranolol) i still feel the same way, maybe slightly more confident in the way of “oh i have something in my system thatll make me feel better” but regardless i still feel the same. I fear feeling the way i felt on the way home again. Has this happened to anyone or does anyone have any information/advice. Thank you to anyone who read all of this, God bless you, and i hope you have a nice day.

I like to smell my own brand and I find it relieving to work up a good fart, let it out, and then put the covers over my head so it traps the smell in. Especially on a cold night or when the AC is turned down low. The heat from being under the blanket and also possibly from the fart feels nice.