I have a pwbpd who is only affected/splitting with me and otherwise successful and in a really good mood in all other environments or company.
With age/time and self awareness, things have improved. Some coping strategies have prevented or stopped altogether these episodes and recovery is often quicker. They are very similar to DBT tips but he worked it out organically.
Recovery includes a genuine apology and repairing or setting things right.
Diet/supplements to prevent depression also work well for having greater tolerance or control over being triggered.
He’s currently doing DBT and he’s motivated to continue progressing, aiming for greater management of symptoms and remission.
Is there anything that anyone has noticed has helped? Either a strategy that the non bpd person has tried or that the pwbpd has implemented?
I grew up nearby and personally witnessed his childhood trauma that lead to this. His mother would derive joy from putting him down in public such as introducing him as her “worthless son”, his sister derived joy from destroying things or hurting herself and then saying it was him (despite him being with an adult far away at the time) then watch him getting punished and beaten for it. Both parents neglected him and shouted/beat him for whatever the sister blamed her actions on him for. He was always a well-behaved and helpful child/teen/adult.
Feeling rejected and unlovable was a script they wrote that he internalised and is triggered by only in romantic relationships.
He has positive relationships with grandparents, aunts/uncles, coworkers, friends that think highly of him. He is very empathetic, witty and always giving others a hand.
The splits/episodes are not himself, his eyes go empty/body movements are less coordinated, he regurgitates his mother’s words at anything he incorrectly perceives as doing wrong or “not good enough” in our relationship.
It’s no contact with his immediate family for obvious reasons. He has the thing where he hears or says things jumbled up to where it’s a criticism or rejection even though it wasn’t and what he says is not what he means to say. Usually when overtired and unable to implement coping skills.
He doesn’t care about anyone else’s opinion of him but mine so he’s not triggered elsewhere. I guess that’s good but it means everyone gets to enjoy more time with him as himself and I get him casually.
Essentially, I really want the him they are getting 100% of the time and he wants that as well.
Any advice is appreciated.

My parents...they always strip me from everything I love. They take away everything. They took away my closest friendship, the only relationship that made me feel happy. They took them away from me simply because they were upset that them themselves felt as if "they weren't good enough for me so why was I seeking other relationships?". I just felt lonely. I loved my parents but it felt nice to have someone else to actually genuinely love me. Because of my parents I don't have a social life, I spend all my time in the house and with them. They only want me to be friends with people they approve but I don't really feel connected to them.
Even my interests and hobbies, like music. Just now they yelled at me for fumbling up and ending up not performing/practicing in front of them because I felt too embarrassed or shy. They told me they're taking away my music lessons because I'm useless and I can't even perform in front of them. I don't know. I love music and I love playing an instrument. I know being a musician you have to have confidence and be able to perform in front of an audience but when my parents tell me to I start to feel embarrassed and self conscious and it feels forced. And when I can't even when I try they get mad and threaten to take music completely away from me. I feel bad because they're the ones that's paying for my music lessons and I know they want to hear me but I just can't. I dont know why. Its probably anxiety but they say it's not really an excuse seeing as they're family.
For a long time I've given up on romance or love because I know my parents are going to probably put me in a forced marriage or in a marriage that benefits them. Yes it upsets me but I don't really care anymore. I suppose it's better to have someone that makes my parents happy because no matter what I do, if they're not happy, I can't be happy.

I am seeking someone with whom I can engage in deep conversations, exchanging thoughts on how we live our lives, our perspectives, and what we make of existence as we await our inevitable demise. I am looking for someone whose outlook on life aligns with mine, with whom we can collectively find the best way to live out our allotted time. Together, we will share our plans and goals, discussing our understanding of various matters.
I would be delighted if you, upon deciding to write to me, could explain why you chose to do so and share a bit about yourself, to streamline our initial conversations.
Some of my reflections and views on life: - I've come to realize that happiness for me won't come from having a big house, an expensive car, or even a family. Happiness, for me, lies in improving people's lives. Eventually, I'll die (like everyone else), and if I only live for myself, it would be meaningless—everything will go with me to the grave. But if I create something that improves people's lives, something that remains even after I'm gone, it gives meaning to my own life and brings me hope and happiness. I'm willing to dedicate my life to this, to improving the lives of others. - I'm interested in philosophy not just as a hobby, but as a necessity for determining the direction of life and how to approach it, understanding what to do in this life. - I often ponder the meaning of life in the face of inevitable death (because what comes after death greatly influences what to do with life). - I'm interested in what to do in life and how to spend it. The typical scenario of finding a job with good pay, buying a house, starting a family, retiring, and dying doesn't appeal to me (but I don't have anything against it). If you resonate with these sentiments, I eagerly await your response.

After going to physical and sex therapy for almost a year, I finally was able to insert a partners finger inside me and ENJOY it!!
I’m a long time lurker and never thought I’d be writing any type of success because of my trauma and slow progress. No one in my life has vaginismus and I struggle with trauma along with mental health issues so I just wanted to share my victory with folks who might get it. I literally sobbed after to my partner who just held me while I explained I’d never pictured progress with another person ever possible and I’m just excited to tell my therapists about this. Still a long way away from PIV insertion but I’m on the right path.

Here’s some details first,
CPU Ryzen 5 5500 GPU 3060 (12gb) Motherboard, Aorus B450 Pro (Rev 1) RAM 2x16 @2400mhz 1 Samsung SSD 500gb 1 Generic 256gb ssd 1 fanxiang 255gb ssd 1 1TB HDD
I built this system for myself for some gaming and editing, it’s been working perfect for like a month now, yesterday I updated to the latest Nvidia driver and it went through all smoothly, later on it crashed while using edge forcing me to hold down my power button to turn the pc off,
This morning I tried to play Ghost Of Tsushima and my PC just restarted while on the menu, I looked it up and was advised to turn Frame gen off which I installed by using the Frame gen mod for older RTX cards I tried the game again and the same thing happened about 30 seconds into the game, ever since then it’s been constantly rebooting or going into a restart loop with on BSOD, I’ve tried using DDU to completely re install drivers and that hasn’t helped either,
I can install the driver but sometimes it crashed mid install or it installs with the option to install the same driver again, now my pc is stuck in 800x600 and I can’t seem to install any drivers I’ve even tried reseating my memory and the GPU itself aswell as the PSU cables, I’m not sure what’s going on or I’m not sure if it’s the GPU or the Motherboard since both I bought used,
The pc was working perfect for a month and now I have this issue where I can’t even use the system anymore
Any help is much appreciated:)

Hello, I’ll try and keep this as short as possible. I’m the youngest of 6. My parents split up when I was about 2, so all my memories of my dad are of him living separate from us. As a result, I never had much of a relationship with him. There was always drama or something happening so we just never developed a close relationship. I see him as my dad and am cordial, but I don’t go out of my way to talk or see him. I now have my own family, and while he would appreciate to see my kids I keep him (and to be fair most of the rest of my family) at an arm’s length from my kids.
A few years ago, my brother was all in on sorting through my parents wills and such since they are now getting up in age. In that time, my brother told me one of the things my dad was firm on was that I’d inherit his house. As a kid and growing up, he always would say things along the lines of it being “my house” but I just figured it was another lie. Apparently, it was serious. I told my brother that I appreciated the sentiment, but I believed someone else should get the house. I live 4 hours away from my hometown, and the house has never been in what I would call great condition. Aside from the logistical side, I also just don’t value the house because we don’t have that dynamic. To me, it’s just something to make him feel better over the missed relationship between us and I just think it would be better for one of my other siblings who actually had him in their lives to get it. There’s one who lives in the same town, and another who lives maybe 30-45 mins away.
I told my brother this and was instantly shot down. I was told that he didn’t have the heart to tell him I didn’t want it, and he didn’t want to inherit the house because he was already listed as the power of attorney for all his other accounts and such that he worried about some sort of a tax issue if everything came to him. No matter what I said, the rebuttal was always I was going to get it whether I wanted it or not.
Is there a way that I can circumvent my family and just refuse it? Again, I’m fine and prefer someone else in my family who’s closer to just take it. But basically as it stands there’s no changing it while he’s alive due to my brothers refusal.

I know it's time to go. I feel resentful, empty, especially used
This will be long, and messy and might not make any sense, but I'm lost. I'm like so fucking lost I am slipping into a dark hole I haven't slipped in to for a verrrryyy long time 😭😭😭
For context, my partner and I both work in a niched world of the trades where we work away from home on shift work.... and also for context, we met on a job a few years back. *since then we have worked together (not always directly side by side, but on the same job). This is what makes it extremely hard to go
Backstory: He was in the middle of his divorce when we got together. Due to my situation and his, (at the time) we thought financially it would make the most sense for us to move in. What a mistake. Due to his/our work lifestyle, he only gets his kids on weekends during his days off. Maybe once a month, sometimes twice.
He pays over 2k a month in CS, and over 1.5k in spousal to HCBM. Lawyer fees have been high and rampant. HCBM is always an issue. There isn't enough money leftover to cover his own bills. In-between jobs he claims EI and that just BARELY covers it. It is up for review every July, and in theory, he shouldn't have to pay as much for the next year.
The place we rent, we got under the assumption that both of us would be paying, but that's not what's happening. I am paying the following for our home (AKA everything) / per month I pay: $2350 in rent $370 in utilities $150 for internet and cable ???? in groceries (I also have to pay when both young kids are at our place) I also paid for our renters insurance which was $380 for the year New Clothes for skids is probably spent 65me/35him Who knows what else I'm forgetting......
I have known for a while that resentment has started creeping in. More than creeping in. I am so disengaged from comversations with him, I don't care to be intimate. Basically at this point, it feels as though I am only sticking around on the premise of he has more connections than me at work, and our line of work is very very slow at the moment. Honestly... in a sick n twisted way I feel like it's the least he can do is help get me on a job somewhere as I'm literally covering his AND his kids asses for over the last year. It also is worth mentioning that most of the major big wigs for the company we work for, equally loves us. If we spilt I would still be faced with him almost daily (assumption is most likely case)
When money wasn't such an issue, I don't think I really had such strong resentful and bitter feelings. Or perhaps because he was carrying some part of his half of things, it just pushed those feelings down. Maybe like a bandaid covering
A HUGE thing for me is small white lies he tells about HCBM. He thinks they don't matter, but they do. He lies about when he talks to her, has deleted phone call histories. She's sent pictures of herself with ss and he deleted them thinking I wouldn't see, instead of telling HCBM that's crossing a boundary that had already been established
This is honestly just as big of a problem, if not more than the money tbh. I also resent the fact that he so called "hated this woman, she's awful she's this she's that" and yet chose to have a child with this person. After two miscarriages, still didn't take the precautions and knocked her up... AGAIN. Got married a month after finding out she was pregnant the 3rd time over. "He didn't ask her, she said she should have the same last name as the kid". Like fucking spare me????? If that wasn't enough, it also makes it worse when he decided to knock her up AGAIN 3 years after their first born. I can't believe the stories he's told me about her, and it has unfortunately made me judge him, and made me feel as if I don't know the man I'm with. I resent him for being so careless. People are allowed to have different views on marriage and children, but never have I ever thought I'd be so careless to just have a child with whom someone I "despise". We are very different that way, and it's a problem for me
So. Now I feel incredibly used. I feel incredibly trapped. I feel incredibly drained. If I leave my current trades industry and go back to what I have a degree in, I likely won't be able to pay for all of my bills that I have racked up because of his mess. I am lost, feel hopeless
Oh and did I mention I'm only 27f? Yeh. That's an absolute bummer. 😔

She (21F) was always a ditz and really fun to be around but I (26M then) always got that vibe that she was maybe a bit too loose.
Funnily enough, we were an "enemies to lovers" type of situation at first. Me being a Cook in an understaffed kitchen and her a angry whip-cracking waitress. Was really going good until she started having these mysterious absences from work and I started seeing her ex around the restaurant.
The guy in question and I actually had pretty decent history and mutual friends so I never really started any beef with him or anything. He was a stand-up guy and though his bigot brother hated me for being an atheist he always showed me due respect. So when she started to act weird, tell me off, and break things off siting that he was the reason I got hella confused; not even angry?
I grieved for maybe a week hoping to eventually patch things up on a good day until I find out that she had quit, blocked me in every possible way, and moved to a different city. At this point, I was hella stunned and even MORE confused.
Fast forward ~2 months and I'm listening to her step-sister in the window (where prepared food is placed for front of house to pick up) tear her apart. I later pulled the sis aside to confirm things and yeah, turns out everything she put me through was 100% bullshit. That girl seriously did the unthinkable and honestly fuck any dude that's even had the slightest thought about sleeping with what should be straight up a child in your eyes.
From that point forward, anything involving that family was none of my business. I later found another restaurant to slave away at for more money and promised myself to be more careful with dating coworkers.
An Aside: I don't nurture any hate for my Ex not for any reason like "I still love her" but more so that I was never privy to all of the facts. She could have been a victim of something more nefarious for all I know and I'm not one hold a vendetta off of imperfect information.
"Hurt people Hurt People" as they say.

TL;DR: Luigi and Saiko have the potential to be a pairing with fun contrasting personalities and character growth potential while working with what's there in canon already without much if any change.
Time for something a bit... different for this sub, at least from what I can tell. I only just joined yesterday thanks to Medi's recent video.
Before we begin, I want to start off by saying that this is in no way a "my ship is better than yours" post. You are all free to like what you want, all I'm doing is trying to spread love for a pairing I hold so dear, and why I wish more people knew what's special about it. In other words, don't take this the wrong way. With that out of the way...
Saiko Bichitaru is my favorite SMG4 character. It took a bit for me to appreciate her, but as a fan of the show since 2013, as her debut year of 2018 went by and she continued to develop into a core cast member, I thought that for a show like this it was a very well-executed character arc, with a pretty heartwarming conclusion to boot. In the years since, besides perhaps 2019 which I thought was pretty good for her character, she took a step back in favor of other characters getting the spotlight, which isn't necessarily a bad thing but part of me does wish they got to utilize certain dynamics with her more. Tari and Kaizo are obvious ones, but another obvious one that I think is largely unnoticed these days is her dynamic with Luigi.
Luigi is my other favorite character, for generally being likable while still being entertaining, but there are other, niche-er reasons too I will get into later. For now I will say that he has has a sort of "magic" about him, in that despite his cowardly exterior (occasionally gigachad moments aside, which are mainly done for comedy's sake) he has a big heart and tries to see the best in people. In SMG4, him becoming Saiko's friend during her darkest hour (heh) is one of the biggest examples of this. It started an unlikely friendship between a timid but kindly plumber and a tough and passionate rockstar, something that remains to this day, but mainly in background cameos. Despite this, I've noticed that the larger fanbase doesn't really acknowledge this much, likely to due A. the lack of major usage since 2020 and B. some fans weren't around when those videos were new. But that's why I'm here today: I am here to talk about what makes this dynamic work so well, but also that I legitimately think that while considering that, Luigi x Saiko is a pairing that can work extremely well given what's already there without much interference. Again, I'm not saying that it's "better" than other pairings involving one of these two, only that it's one of the more "realistic" pairings as a whole in my opinion. To start with, let's go over Saiko's character arc again.
PART 1: SAIKO
I don't want to turn this into a recap, so we'll go over her story briefly before getting into the parts involving the green Italian man. A fictional rockstar in a dating game from the band KS-2 brought in by Boopkins due to his loneliness, Saiko started off as an extremely clingy yandere, violently demanding attention from others if even a second was put away from her being the center of attention. After about six months of her being a villain, eventually she realized that she has a problem and became depressed over it, only fro a certain someone to come in and kickstart her redemption, slowly but surely becoming nicer and becoming friends with the SMG4 gang, notably Tari and Meggy.
I personally feel like a lot of Saiko's POV is understood if you saw certain videos happen as they aired, but it all started with Luigi's Lesson, where the usually cowardly Luigi learns about Saiko's problems and tries to help her become nicer. As you may know, he succeeded for the most part, with her doing a good deed by the end (saving Mario from choking on hot dogs), and she slowly became nicer over time. The thing is that Luigi was Saiko's first true friend, someone who saw her potential for being a good person before anyone else. In this case, I don't really count Boopkins since while he did care for her, after her debut he tried to stay away as much as he could and didn't really attempt to help her until after Luigi kickstarted that whole thing. Beyond that though, there were still moments throughout 2018 that showed Luigi being the one to help Saiko improve herself, the main one being a small moment in The Mario Cafe, but even Mario and the Diss Track had Luigi be the one to tell Saiko the truth about Bob in that arc.
All things considered, my personal interpretation is that Luigi saved Saiko's life. Without him being there for her, Saiko would've continued scared off people with her violent tendencies, and she never would've found the "attention" she desired so much via the SMG4 gang. And it all started because some easily-scared plumber saw something more in someone even he was previously scared of. Speaking of which, let's talk about him.
PART 2: LUIGI
To start with, I wanted to mention that Luigi is bisexual, not homosexual. "Gay" can be used as an umbrella term for anyone in the LGBT+ community, and Luigi has shown attraction for both men and women throughout the series, with a lean towards men mainly for comedy purposes. The 2015 episode Love for Luigi is a very notable example of this, where Luigi falls in love with Daisy and tries to win over her heart, and he succeeds by the end... but did he really? Much like several other aspects of the series, this is something only really brought up when it's convenient (like the 2016 episode Boo Busters) but otherwise Luigi is portrayed as single. Since we live in an era where they care about canon a little more, I think the only plausible explanation for this is that they broke up.
While I imagine that Luigi is fine with this these days, to get into headcanon territory a little, perhaps Luigi still feels lonely to this day. I mean, he still shows attraction to people, even showing interest in romance (such as this one clip from a Mario Does Things video from a couple of years back called "luigi tries to get with the ladies" on the Shorts channel), so there probably has to be some level of desire for it internally. Maybe he feels lonely, which is why he could relate to Saiko's struggles at first. But that's enough about headcanons for now.
Another thing about Saiko is that she just fits Luigi's taste in general. Luigi is with Daisy in Nintendo canon, and she's a strong gal with a lotta passion for what she cares about. While Luigi is plenty capable himself, in SMG4 he still shows signs of timidness and cowardice every once in a while, and of course he tends to be the butt of many jokes that he can't do anything about. From a comedy perspective that's fine, but from Luigi's POV, considering the several other responsibilities he has, the dude is tired. Someone strong and passionate like Saiko has the potential to teach him about confidence and standing up for himself in return for him teaching her about kindness and being rewarded for it. Long story short, being with Saiko not only fits Luigi's own tastes in partners, but Saiko in particular could do something that helps him better himself. In turn...
PART 3: LUIGI & SAIKO
Everything discussed leads to a relationship between two contrasting personalities with their own problems, and getting together leads to both of them becoming happier in the process. And hey, who doesn't like a ship with contrasting personalities? The thing about LxS though is that the seeds were already planted in the show itself to build off from, with the setup given in Luigi's Lesson potentially giving us just that. As for their dynamic, the times they do show up together, as I said before, consistently have them friendly without any real holes or inconsistencies. A large part of that is due to their underusage together, but even in recent episodes, we have moments such as the 2022 Christmas episode where they were cooking dinner together, or a more recent episode that shows them together at SMG3's coffee shop.
One final major point though is that I think Luigi and Saiko being a couple could bring things full circle. Saiko, a woman looking for love and improves herself thanks to a certain person starting it all.... only for said person to fall for the woman that Saiko became, and in turn Saiko falls for Luigi for being the one who started her new life and for being a kindhearted person who understands her the most, next to Tari mainly shown in the KS-2 mini-arc from 2022. In other words, the person Saiko was really looking for was the person in-front of her the whole time. If you ask me, that's a pretty fitting note to "conclusively" end Saiko's original character arc, even if it already ended around 2019.
As a side note, Luigi and Saiko have potential to be really good parents, but with the "gender roles" switched, which is always fun. Luigi is timid, caring, and tidy, while Saiko is also caring, but also passionate, tough, and cares for her friend's well-beings, both like a mom and a dad respectively. It also has a lot of comedy potential as you have the two of them learning the ropes of parenthood, and it could lead to more interactions with other characters, mainly Karen (in which Luigi already gave advice to on parenting one time, showing that he already has the ropes to a degree).
CONCLUSION
Overall, Luigi and Saiko have a lot of potential for not only their dynamic, but also the idea of them becoming a couple. I wish more people knew about this since I feel that LxS is largely seen as "MxM's Player 2" given how you only really see MxM fans mention the pairing. That isn't a bad thing at all, I myself like that pairing, but I do wish that the pairing had a little more of a fanbase of its own. But hey, that's part of why I'm talking about this now. The good news though is that there has been something of a small resurgence of the pairing already despite the fact of content, mainly through the existence of RockRage8962's fankid characters Angelo and Rin, who were made into Gmod characters by Duz/Glithware and AnEyeArtist.
Despite this, I do wish that more people understood why this pairing is special, and I hope with this essay, more people can do so. You can still like whatever pairings you like, but whether this convinces you on the ship's idea or not, I hope you at least gain a little more respect towards it. If anyone has any questions or want me to elaborate on something, let me know and I'll likely respond, but if you made it this far, thanks for reading!
BONUS: A playlist of videos containing at least one Luigi and Saiko moment, from 2018 to 2020.
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLDYLLnT8V-AT9AUb28cpE87_-a4CMbEed

I just wrote this in my notes to keep my mind at bay and I don’t know if anyone relates. It’s really poorly worded but it’s from the mind and heart and I can’t be bothered to be picky. This feels like a safe space to vent.
For context I’m 22(f) have 2 ex’s and haven’t been sexually with anyone aside from this, partner is 24(m) has had 30 casual affairs and I’m his first girlfriend.
I think about the way my head feels on your chest I feel safe when you start rubbing my arm as I lay there. But then I think about girls you have probably done this with in the past. Is my skin the softest what if you prefer theirs? And then suddenly all I can think in the meant to be happy moment is the fact that I genuinely hate myself. I trace my fingers across your back joining constellations between your freckles. But then suddenly I think about how other girls may have felt the same way as they traced your back in the past. Suddenly your skin feels a little less touchable and I feel sick. I like it when we’re spooning and you fold my hair over my shoulder delicately to kiss my neck as your hands wrap round the curves of my body. But the kisses start feeling like poison when my mind goes to the girls you have probably kissed all of their bodies, did you enjoy kissing every inch of their bodies, were they more reactive then me did they also push back their hips in reaction to the tingling sensation they felt from their neck to their spine. Did that make you hard also? You get turned on by that and I know you get turned on by me but is it more so then them, tell me I’m the best and it’ll quieten down the thoughts just enough so you can insert your manhood into my barely touched womenhood, I am enchanted by every thing you do to me. I like it when you start playing with me and you’re very good at it so I start thinking about how much practice you took up with other girls. You say that I get so wet but is it more than them, did they get wetter in your presence, is this enough? You use your tongue to lick me and it feels nice but when you kiss me on my lips I’m thinking about whose pussys have now infected my lips. Did they taste better? When we have sex which is often between the moans I’m thinking about you thinking about other girls, please don’t be thinking about other girls, does it feel better with me because you’re the best I’ve ever had, I’ve only had you and 2 others and you’ve had 30, do you remember how each one felt around your penis, how one liked wearing red and the other bent over a balcony, do you wish I was the girl in the hotel room begging for you to fuck me, do you wish I was the girl that broke your heart for the first time, or the countless other inbetween. I’ve waited for forever to feel as loved as you try to love the broken pieces of me. I know it’s tiring to validate my every being but it’s tiring for me to hate myself. Do you find me attractive? Is this a game? I feel like I’m a hollow shell of what once was me. But I’ve lost her and I’m so empty. I just want to be free from my thoughts and free to love you without a price to pay. I wish that when you ask why I go quiet I could just say. I’m not sure where this all came from because before you I was bright and carefree but the thought of not being with you or the thought of you not wanting me or deeming me the best is something I cannot bare. I’ve thought about ending it all countless times, I’ve cried myself to sleep whilst you lay in peacefully asleep blissfully unaware of the hell my mind is taking me to. I’ve taken objects to my thighs and painted them red. And nothing is working. I often fantasise death just to escape my thoughts, it’s like I need to combat them by thinking of worser things. I’ve also thought about taking my car and a bag and running away without a trace, I’ve thought about just blocking you and moving your things out with no explanation. But then every morning you wake up and kiss forehead my cheeks and my lips just before you go to work and wish me a lovely day whilst I lay perfectly cosy in the bedsheets that smell like home. I love you and that’s why I take every minute of my suffering I just hope I can continue suffering so I can continue loving you.

Once upon a time, there was a lonely guy named infinite_b0ner. He sat quietly in his room, contemplating the meaning of life. Why is life filled with so many mysteries? Do aliens exist? Why am I without any friends? That latter question made him stop... He turned his chair towards the window and looked out towards the distant lands. A long sigh left his breath as he saw the petals on the flowers slowly drift down, noting it as an imagery of his own life where the petals represent time cascading down a path of no return. Time was passing and he felt so goddamn lonely. No individual would look him into his eyes and say, "I love you, infinite_b0ner..." Instead they watch him with disgust. They look at his name and say "wtf are you?! Get away from me, weirdo." Mr. B0ner closed his eyes in the moment when those memories of judgement came rushing through his brain. Sort of like when the blood rushes to his... "NO! It's too early for that," he thought to himself. He murmured, "People consider me a dirty beast. I shall not think of such thoughts anymore. I've got to free myself from that identity." He stood by the window as the sun began to set, leaving his eyes closed as a smile slowly took over his sadness. “Nah, this name is too funny. I shouldn’t change myself for others. I shall wear my name proudly and the right individuals will come and accept me for who I am.” infinite_b0ner stood proudly in that moment before sitting back down at his computer to visit this subreddit. “It’s time to make a post and find an amazing, caring person to join me on my journey to be the best, like no one ever was.”
Now onto my info:

• A lonely, single 28 year old dude that apparently loves to write at times!
• I'm into making other people laugh, showing off my humorous side at times!
• A great listener who will spend the time getting to know you. I enjoy being there for others!
• You won't have to worry about me ghosting or lacking in the conversation department. I love to meet people and taking the time to really invest in others
• I also enjoy reading, gaming, exploring nature, working out, and... eating. What's your favorite food?
• I'm an overthinker in life, sadly. Heck, I'm overthinking this post and wondering if anyone will be interested! Overthinkers unite!

What I am crossing my fingers for:

• To meet a wonderful, understanding, respectful friend that is willing to invest effort into this and make it work
• Someone to smile and laugh with, and befriend for good!
• A respectful, caring individual that is here for the right reasons and isn't a magician in disguise who will disappear out of the blue

I think that's the gist of who I am and what I am searching for. Obviously, there is more about me that I can share, but I feel that I should reserve that for our conversation as we get to know each other more! So feel free to message me if you're interested. :)
Thank you for reading and I hope you have an amazing day!!

Need help knowing if I'm in the wrong and it's just my BPD acting up.
For a little background.. I rarely have time alone, so when I do it's a big deal. The last 2 days I was alone my FP hung out with his friend instead of me. In all fairness, he didn't know prior that I was alone those days and he hangs out with me other days. But it's not the same because I'm not alone those days so it takes away from the fun of it. We can't really let loose unless I'm alone.
Anyway fast forward we fought about it and then the next day I was alone so he came to hang out with me and reassured me that he'd rather spend time with me than anyone else. Last time him and his friend were together they spent 7 to 8 hours gaming. Today him and I spent about 5 hours together and then he said he wanted to go game with that friend again basically.
Now I'm splitting. Because now to me it's coming off like that's what he REALLY wants to be doing, because he even told his friend this morning that he'd be free at a certain time and then at that time he asked me if I wanted to take a break from hanging out. Just seems shady.
Thoughts?

She is controlling, overbearing, insufferable with nagging to break my spirit for compliance, throws any favour she does for me back in my face and retracts anything she can to elicit compliance and regain control. Belittles me in front of anyone she can at every opportunity if there’s something she wants me to change, has threatened to kick me out my entire life (dating back to a pretend call to CPS in front of me to have me taken away for being naughty at the age or 7 or 8), has deliberately tried to sabotage things every time I start seeing a girl by either emotional manipulation or being rude and cold to said girl or, most commonly, war of attrition style nagging so that my home life is that miserable I break things off coz I can’t take it and many many other things I have finally seen for what they are I n the last few days
I have asked her and asked her to respect boundaries and to not do mean things to mess with my self esteem so I can’t feel worthy of love and haven’t put myself out there for years. I’m 33, have my own business, live with her and have recently gotten into a relationship which she is very threatened by.
Yesterday’s final attempt to reach an understanding was not successful. I got told she isn’t sure if she loves me. That my genetics are messed up by my deadbeat dad that I’ve never met and he was a right prick apparently (apple doesn’t fall far from the tree /eyeroll). Got told that my therapist and my mental health nurse gf plus other friends are all working on me to turn me against her. They’re all twisting things and I’m being told that everything links to childhood and if I was smart, I’d stop and cut them out like her friends daughter did when in the same situation. Has pushed me multiple times to the point where I cannot control my body and mind at all and, once there, she gives a little smirk of satisfaction and tells me I need help. The first time I took off coz I couldnt be in the house and caught myself looking at the time in my car and realising I’d been sitting for an hour parked ranting to myself about the injustice (out loud).
That was scary but seeing my girl a few days ago after an altercation and watching her freak out because I had psychomotor agitation and looked pretty close to psychotic or a breakdown was way fucking worse and made me realise what is at stake - I have to pick. Sanity or her.
She is terminally ill with cancer but isn’t a few weeks from the end or anything and that adds a layer of guilt and shame but i am getting the fuck out of there and will prob end as no contact. People with BPD or NPD cannot admit fault most of the time even if the stakes are huge. I tried talking and she never answered my questions straight and called me a victim living in the past.
Sorry for rant people. I am in shock and kind of numb. I don’t have any other family and I guess this is equivalent to her passing in my eyes as I can see who she is and that’s not my mother that I always thought had my back and wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. And who I thought loved me unconditionally. I would like some advice on how to proceed after I leave. I know I have to go because she will not change or even acknowledge that she’s in the wrong. I fear the abandonment complex will be so triggered that she will play the victim to everyone and not be able to interact at all with me without guilt tripping. And then I’ll have to go no contact and leave her to her death alone. Her needs have come first emotionally always and i pick sanity.

So I don’t even know what to call this, but I just wanna tell you guys what’s happening and how it’s killing me right now . I was with this guy and he always seemed really nice but I always had a feeling. When I checked his phone, I saw what I already felt. When I confronted him about it, and made things worse and made me resent him as he told me he didn’t want to change and I kept things going. Why can’t I leave people who lie and use me? It still amazes me that they are this way you could never see them lying and it’s only going to get worse if it’s this bad now. I wish he would change but I’m hurting. He left. I figured we’d have some space and some thing is still holding on inside me but I know it would never be the same. These past few days I had another weird hunch. And I texted this girl. She seemed pretty nice but told me that he asked her to dinner or some thing and don’t know if I can trust her because she’s texting him? Not that I should care and I should leave her alone. Hoz are going to be hoz. I wish I could’ve left a long time ago when I was saying is coming, but I just kept hoping. Waiting. Forgiving. I feel insane. Like I really don’t wanna be in a relationship ever again. And I’m pissed that he’s talking to other people. It’s not like he just left. But he has all my pics and doesn’t wanna block me. He collects these girls like his magic cards.

I want to start off apologizing for the grammar mistakes and unorganized thoughts that will soon occur.
What do I do knowing my boyfriend is comparing me to other girls? For context, I (22F) and my boyfriend (21M) have been together for almost a year now (in a week). We met online and instantly connected. I was going to school in another state so we did long distance for most of our relationship until he moved in with me. Now we both live together in a studio with two cats (one we got together).
Our relationship has been good, the typical ups and downs but we usually get over it. We both struggle with being extremely insecure but he definitely externalizes it while I internalize it. Most of our issues stem from his retroactive jealousy and him feeling very insecure. I try my best to reassure him but a lot of times he doesn’t believe me. I struggle with comparing myself to others especially looks wise. I have seen the type of influencer and people that he’s attracted to (early into the relationship)and I am in no way shape or form close to looking like that which made me more insecure in our relationship. He does reassure me that I am the prettiest girl and whatnot but because of my insecurities I have trouble believing that. I have voiced this to him especially in regards to social media.
I really don’t want to air out his business but I think it is essential to the story. He claims himself to be a loser since he works a minimum wage job and feels that he doesn’t do much to support me. I recently just graduated with my BSN and my BA and have quite the future ahead of me and he has told me he is very jealous of that since he isn’t a school person. I was given lots of scholarships which I used to pay for a lot of our stuff because I know he struggles with money since he has to pay for his car and insurance and whatnot. I really don’t mind this but he really hates that I pay for a lot of our stuff. He voiced to me that he hates that he isn’t able to provide for me like I have for him. He said he resents me for being “perfect” as most of our problems have stemmed from him and not me. He struggles to believe that a girl like me could love him and questions my love for him which brings us to a few days ago.
Just a few days ago, he confessed that he looks at other girls on his suggested or people you may know on instagram and compares me to them. He said that he imagined what it would be like to be with them and how they would feel about him. He admitted to doing this for a month. I asked him if he found these people attractive and he said yes. It hurt me so bad. I asked him if he has done it with me in the room and he also said yes. It hurts me that he claims to love me so much and that I am the girl he wants to marry but then he does this. I don’t know why these girls being “normal” people affects me so much and could be people he potentially knows.
From his perspective, he doesn’t know why he did this. He still claims that he loves me so much and that he wants to marry me and only sees a future with me. Through his comparisons he realize that I love him for who he is, and that he thinks I am the only one who would/will. He said he did it because he is so insecure and thinks that I will just leave him so he imagines being with other people. He also just didn’t believe that I love him. I asked him why he just didn’t come to me for reassurance and he doesn’t have an answer. He is begging me to stay with him and says that he will do anything to earn my trust back. I just don’t understand why he did this and if he’s being honest with his reasoning.
I want to more than anything try and work this out but it hurts so much and I don’t know why. I am trying to find reasons to justify this or blame myself for doing something wrong or not being enough. I just don’t understand why and I can’t bring myself to believe that someone who loves me so much would do that. I think maybe this is normal but this is something I would never do. We are on the verge of a break up and i don't know how to feel. I don’t know if this is something I can get over easily. I feel more insecure than I have ever felt in my life. Every time I look at him or think of the situation I just cry. He has left the decision to me to whether we stay together or break up. I leave for my trip to Asia in a few days and will be gone for 3 weeks. I don’t know how to work this out if we’re long distance again with a time difference, how to trust him, how to feel good about myself, and not overthink. I don’t want to throw away this relationship because the thought of us not together also hurts. On the other hand, if we do break up this is the perfect time as he would have three weeks to pack and move without us having to interact much.
I really don’t know what to do. I really want to stay and work on it because I do think that he is being genuine in what he is saying but I don’t know how to get over this and trust him fully. What should I do?

Recently my playgroup and I agreed to allowing proxies within our pod; something to help in terms of finances and accessibility to everyone. However, I’m worried people may get carried away with what they make. We’d be all for high power decks (Power level “8” for example) but going into cEDH territory is something we want to avoid. Is there a resource or list out there that addresses this?
Thinking about this in terms of cards such Thoracle and Ad Naus etc.

So darling girl (we'll call her Amy) had a taste of life when SHTF this week after the power was cut off to our rural cabin for 3 days straight.
Sadly, I'm more of an armchair prepper than a hands-on guy, plus I was away on business so wasn't much help. Lack of electricity also meant the electric pump to our artesian well didn't run so Amy had no power AND no running water.
Most of the lessons we've learned will be pretty obvious to you guys as experienced Preppers but I wanted to share what I've learned so you can show this to anyone who says that prepping is only for the paranoid.
I'm also immensely indebted to the TheSensiblePrepper for his awesome 'Power Out Kit List'. You saved our lives, man!
Check your UPS
Living out in the country we're used to temporary power cuts, so I use a laptop with a UPS for work. We also have a Starlink satellite dish for internet. When the power first went down I suggested to Amy that she plug the Starlink router into the UPS to get online, only to find it needed way more juice (1000 VA) than my budget UPS could supply. Naturally I'd have known this if I'd troubled to test the UPS myself with the Starlink system.
Power Banks : Go Big or Go Home
TheSensiblePrepper's recommended Golabs R300 Power Station couldn't be delivered to our cabin, so we went with a Jackery 1000 with a 200W Solar Panel. This is a classic case in point for why prepping is so important as we had to arrange daily deliveries of mini battery packs for Amy's cellphone each day from a local grocery store just so she could charge her cellphone.
Lay in your Logs
It's great having a log fire as we do. We even have a ton of logs out in the shed. Still Amy's health problems prevented her from fetching them to keep the place warm. Naturally I felt terrible as I was thousands of miles away and couldn't do it for her. Lesson learned: If you're going away and your family have mobility issues, make sure they have everything they need to hand!
Network with Neighbors
Some kind neighbors did invite Amy over a meal, shower and to charge her cellphone the first night of the power cut. Still, Amy didn't feel right about asking for more help as she didn't know them well. If we'd taken the time to visit with the neighbors and maybe help out with a few chores we'd have a much better support network around us. Needless to say, we're going to do that in future!
Water Worries
The lack of running water was a huge obstacle for Amy - the poor girl went without a shower for 3 days! The aforementioned kindly neighbors dropped off a few bottles for drinking and some 'gray' water to flush the toilets.
Still, I've since been researching solar pumps for the artesian well which include a backup battery. It's going to be costly to replace the pump altogether but it's better that than be stuck without water.
Currently I'm leaning towards TheSensiblePrepper's suggestion of laying in some stackable water bricks.
Grab some Gas
Although our house is plumbed for gas, it's only used for heating. In a SHTF scenario, it's also unlikely they'll keep pumping. Amazon came to the rescue here once again with the Grill Boss Portable Propane Stove.
I've no idea if this is the best value for money or most efficient stove out there. I do know in future Amy won't have to eat cold beans out of a tin, even if the gas/power goes down.
__
As I said, I'm sure this will seem very obvious to experienced users but if we'd followed the steps in this subreddit sooner, we'd have had a much easier time of it. Perhaps something to share with non-preppers next time they say you worry too much. :-)
​

My husband and I purchased a home at the end of February in IL. Everything went according to plan and the closing was fairly simple. We had a final walkthrough scheduled for the date of close right before signing documents. During this walkthrough one of the seller's sister were informed that one of the sellers had unexpectedly passed away two weeks prior. She did not state whether this was in the home or not (we just gave our condolences and honestly were just shocked that this had happened and the sale was still going through).
Fast forward to now, we have had a few things go wrong in the house which resulted in us working on the bathroom plumbing. While in the back corner of the crawl space, my husband noticed what looked like two dried pools of blood. This was directly under the bath tub. My husband then looked to the corresponding spot upstairs inside the home and noticed that there appeared to be some dried blood in the seam of the bathtub where it met the floor. It clearly had been attempted to be cleaned up, but was still stuck in the cracks under the tub. We are now freaking ourselves out that the prior owner died a violent death in the bath tub right before we moved in, and also are unsure as to what to do with an undisclosed biohazard in our home. We're afraid to get opinions from friends and family in fear that they'll be freaked out by our home.
Does anyone have any ideas of what we can do for peace of mind? Or to at least convince us that we don't need to be freaking out?

I just want to get this out.

I'm going on my third year at this job. This girl joined about 1,5 years ago, she has 3 kids with a guy there who's been working there for 13 years. One of the people who has been working there the longest. Bosses respect him. And to be quite frank, even though I rarely see him, I always had a good relationship with him. Shake hands. I find him to be alright. But I don't know much..
From what I gathered, she's only with him because they have 3 kids. I don't see any sort of love between them. From what I have gathered he has cheated on her, or at the very least, has tried to see other girls, which teared her self esteem up and became a very frustrated person.
When I first started talking to her I would tell her that her boyfriend's the guy who should be promoted because he would do a greater job than most. Always complimented him. She'd agree. Until, fast forward, she wasn't so nice about him anymore.
Me and the girl started talking too much. I guess I became her go to, and made her feel very good. I always kept distance when it came to showing love interest, I always kept a step back. But my toxic, idiot side kinda wanted her to like me like that. Why? Idk. Self esteem. I actually had fun talking to her tbh. We had an actual lot in common. We hung out somewhere special once and it was a dinner with other friends. I saw it as just fun.
She lived near me and we started going home from work in the same car. Fast forward, maybe a month later, she decided she wanted to talk to me privately, and as I guessed, she went ahead and kissed me. After that, It became more sexual and she started going down on me. My behavior is so immature, I would be lying if I said I wouldn't have kept that up.
We kept talking and talking, but the reality is i couldn't find myself to have genuine love for her. I don't like her like that. Although I do care for her. Feel good when she's around, but it's the same feelings you have when you care for a real friend.
She would do everything for me. Gave me expensive shoes (110€) because she heard me speak about adidas shoes at that same dinner. She brought me other sht. Bruh she brought a rabbit and named it after a nickname she gave me.
I don't love her. I accepted that this was enough, so I decided to tell her straight. She didn't believe me. So she kept finding ways to get back to me. Like skipping work, or work in a different position or schedule so I wouldn't see her, just different ways to get my attention. I would fall for that everytime. Because the sobbing and tears didn't help. She even came to my house unannounced and wouldn't leave until I came out and talked to her. She said something about not feeling good. I felt afraid she'd do something stupid to herself or pass out from some illness she has. So I came out. Spoke to her, and gave out, we became good again, telling her I only saw her as a friend, but if she wants benefits too, sure. Again, me messing it up with selfishness again because I always knew she was hopeful for more.
Recently, i decided to once again see if I can separate myself from her. I told her I wanted distance and I got that. She gave me that, while always hoping I'd track back. When she's around bruh just knowing she's looking at me it makes me laugh. And she takes it as "he's playing hard to get but he's nervous and wants me", lol, no i just can't contain myself.
But I've managed to be avoiding that.
She wants my attention back everytime she sees me, but I haven't aknowledged.
Before the very last time I spoke to her, she told my friend that she was taking meds and hasn't slept because of me. After that, that same day while going home, she drove by me and got out, i told her to her face that I only saw her as a coworker and to keep distance.
In response, she stepped away from me at work. Unfollowed me on all social medias. And hopefully it stays this way.
After some time she told my friend that she was going to leave work. He told me this and the first thing I said was: "nah bro. She said this because she knows you'd tell me, and so I would reach out to her". And guess what, I was right. She went on her work vacation without telling anyone, and was furious I didn't reach out to her. I haven't fell for these sort of manipulations anymore. I have not texted. To this day, after a couple months, we haven't spoken.
Her boyfriend knew about all this I'm sure, but let it go. And is cool to me still. I'm not sure how love works in their house, but if there was no relationship, she wouldn't hide. So, she cheated with me, clearly.
My friend said that in every break up, one person always gets seriously more hurt. And I should accept this. And move forward. He also knows that she's very problematic and has been in situations where she's wrong but makes a scene to her bosses to make it seem she's in the right. Therefore that I need to be careful she doesn't start drama with me as revenge.
It is crazy that I have put myself in this situation. But my only solution is to keep this up, right? Simply not aknowledge her existence. I don't see any other way.
Tl:dr - Met this girl at work who is in a long relationship. She fell and obsessed over me. Now I can't get rid of her.I (28M) met this girl (34F) who isn't single and has kids, and messed up

Hey everyone!
I've been working on a project to create a comprehensive Google Spreadsheet that lists all the major card grading companies, and I wanted to share it with the community here. Whether you're new to the hobby or a seasoned collector, this resource should help you find the right grading service for your cards.
What’s Included:

• Company Names: A list of various card grading companies.
• Countries: The countries where these companies are located.
• Websites: Direct links to their official websites.
• Special Features: Unique aspects or services offered by each company (e.g., subgrades, fast turnaround times, AI-assisted grading).

How You Can Help:

1. Review the Spreadsheet: Check out the list and let me know if there are any grading companies I've missed.
2. Share Your Experience: If you've used any of these grading services, share your experiences to help others make informed decisions.
3. Updates: If you have information on new grading companies or additional details about existing ones, please share!

Link to the Spreadsheet
Let's make this a go-to resource for everyone in the card collecting community. Your feedback and contributions will be invaluable in keeping this document up-to-date and comprehensive.
Happy collecting!

Warning this is a very long read without a TLDR
I left this sub and joined the ryerson sub in 2021. Leaving behind my big drive of notes which is what I assume keeps driving these posts talking about grade inflation to my feed. My last few comments were very similar to everyone’s posts as of now - grade inflation, unfair admissions, feeling close to your goals and it being taken away. 3 years later here’s where I came from and what I’m doing now, why it’s not your fault and to offer a bit of hope if it helps. :)
In grade 12 (end of 2021) I had an 89 average, I was rejected from the majority of life sci and health sci programs (if a school had both I applied to both of them) - mac, u of t, queens, western. I got into York psych, health, TMU bio, undeclared arts and psych (waitlist), Laurier health sci and ottawa health sci. (some of my programs might be off if it’s wrong, the overarching field is what I mean). My goal was U of T life sci and to go to medical school. Laurier and Ottawa were off the table after my family and I came to the conclusion that we don’t have the money for me to move away, removing my last two life/sci options. I honestly wasn’t a big fan of York leaving TMU as my last option. I really wanted a life science or health science program because the curriculum after first year was not simply bio, chem, physics so I veered from biology at TMU.
So I ultimately ended up accepting undeclared arts as I was waitlisted for psychology. At the end of June, I got off the waitlist for psychology and accepted that. At the time, I was seriously unhappy with myself I was angry at the fact that people were getting opportunities that I wanted that didn’t deserve them due to inflation and lack of standardization of monitoring of tests during online schooling and just overall how poorly my high school experience ended. I’m talking full breakdowns about how I worked so hard and got nothing in return. I had teachers who genuinely believed that I was one of the best students that they had in years and told me that I would go far. I had a teacher go as far as writing a letter for no reason other than to just say how proud they were of me and how they knew that I would do great - which at the time I truly didn’t believe after not achieving any of the goals that I had set for myself at the beginning of grade 12.
My first year of psychology was online for my first semester where I did decently well I got a 3.0 my second semester, ended up being entirely in person because the online sections of classes were full. At the time I wanted to do medicine this dream quickly got away from me when second semester in person classes left me with a 2.67 gpa for the semester. I had a realization looking upon my peers who were still completely online at TMU or at other universities had much much better GPA than me and I wouldn’t be able to get into medicine with my GPA. So again I felt let down by systems that ultimately led to further inequality in education. I let go of the idea of medicine and had no idea what I wanted to do after my undergrad.
After my first year, I decided to join the course union at my school, which was one of the best decisions I ever made. I met amazing people who encouraged me to do better, peers who were higher years than me and gave me advice when needed and from there, my grades got better. after joining the course union I joined the liberal arts union and from there I worked on about five more different positions over the next two years. TMU is generally not seen as the best school and it’s not necessarily “competitive” but that can work in your favour because there’s so many positions available whereas at other schools where people may be more inclined to take these these positions making them more competitive. Joining these course unions gave me so many opportunities and so many things that are now on my CV that continue to provide more opportunities, for example I was offered a job at the school based on all my experience. My CV is now what I would consider amazing with all the work that I’ve gained that is applicable to the field that I want to work in and because of my experience on my CV I got a research assistant position where I have a great academic relationship with a prof. And I got my gpa up enough it’s not near a 4.00 or anything crazy but it’s good enough for me to get into grad school.
I always knew that I didn’t want to stay in psychology after I graduated so I completed my degree in three years rather than four. I also want to mention you do not need to complete your degree in three years. There’s no need for it. Had I stayed for an extra year I would’ve had so many more opportunities with extracurriculars. It’s just I did not love the psychology curriculum enough to want to stay in it for another year. I had taken summer school courses before coming to this conclusion, and I had so many credits that I didn’t want to switch programs so I fast tracked. All that being said, do not rush your degree unless for example, you don’t like it and have plans to do something unrelated afterwards - for me it was a masters in a different field that the only requirement was a bachelor’s degree so I didn’t see the point in switching. Having gained all of the research experience and extracurricular experience in the field that I want to pursue is what made my degree nonetheless beneficial even though I wasn’t doing what I had originally planned.
As of now, I will be beginning my masters at U of T in the fall (not in psychology). I feel very accomplished and fulfilled with everything I’ve done and I feel like the person that all those teachers said that I was back in high school. While I didn’t go to U of T for life sciences, and become a doctor like I had thought I would I am going to U of T nonetheless for a field I didn’t even know existed. I found and great community and something I genuinely love by continually working hard after feeling like I was ripped off by grade inflation and online school. All of which is so minuscule to everything I’ve gone on to do.
Moral of my story is you might feel ripped off right now, that your hard work went unnoticed and you might feel like you’re never going to accomplish your goals. But the truth is, it's very minuscule to the potential that you have. And as long as you continue to use your work ethic and potential wherever you go, you will be successful. You don't need big fancy school. You can do just as well if not better at schools that are seen as less prestigious or competitive as long as you continue to put in the hard work that you did in high school. So please don't feel like you have lost something but feel that you have gained the potential to do more. If you’re truly uncertain about accepting a program, take the time off think about alternate fields and try applying again, it might be better than toughing it out in a program you don’t really care about. If you’re dead set on going to university this fall, don’t wanna take time off and want to apply again and didn’t get into the one you planned, join extracurriculars meet new people and keep putting in work and it will pay off.
And I’m not saying you’re wrong in anyway for complaining and feeling the way that you feel because I felt the same way. You’re all valid asf. All I’m saying is don’t beat yourself up and don’t feel like you’re the problem because there’s so many opportunities for you so long as you seek them out and take them and you will end up in a much better position in the end.

I 24f have been fighting since Monday with my boyfriend of almost a year 30M because of me going to the hospital and him not even making an effort to be there for me. If it came to anyone else in his family or even his ex wife he would’ve been there regardless if he had his kids.I will have the link to the original post in comments.
He talked to me on Thursday night and he said we weren’t broken up and I could come home (to clarify I’m on my moms couch while she is away) so I planned on coming home Friday night. He then texts me the next morning he asks me to stay at my moms and he still needs to think and make sure he is making the right choice. I asked him like how long do you need he told me one more night. Well I honored that request. Be in mind you guys he isn’t answering a single text from me, leaves it on read, doesn’t call me back let alone answer my calls and he says he isn’t ignoring me.
Well I go home last night when we are both done with work I’m on my computer and I let him do what he needs to do when he gets home to unwind from work as well. Then we start talking and it’s not going well he just looks at me with his leg up in his face and stays silent for the most part. Still can’t apologize for any of the things he did and all he could tell me was idk I need more time to think. He gets his kids tonight and will have them till Wednesday he uses them as an excuse not to talk to me or work anything out and says they are his responsibility when it’s convenient for him. We doesn’t want the responsibility he will push it on me.
Well I told him before I left last night cause we were getting no where he has till Thursday to figure it out or I am done. I am actively looking for an apartment and another job to pay my rent. My mom will let me stay with her if it gets to that point. But my issue is if he says he wants to stay together I don’t know how I’m supposed to trust him again and make things go back to normal ish what are y’all’s thoughts