Pretty much what's on the title. Some months ago I got the opportunity to meet someone who I connected very well I believe, I enjoy their person a lot.
I wouldn't call it a regular "crush" though, I am not getting butterflies when I am with them nor I think I am idealizing that person, but I've come to accept the fact that I might actually love this person. Looking back again I think I fell for them instantly but realized that only recently. It could have to do with the fact that I consider myself somewhat aromantic. (I know having crushes contradicts with the term per se, and I wouldn't mind explaining further, but it is not really the main subject here nor I think it matters much anyways.)
Going back to them, this person has been on a relationship with someone else for almost two years. I had the opportunity to meet their partner a few times and If you had to ask me, I honestly think they make a very cute couple, so even if they have been having some heavy issues lately, I fully believe they are going to find a solution together. Their partner would have to fuck up extremely hard for it to end up in a break up and I really don't imagine it's gonna be the case. I also wouldn't want this, as my friend is clearly deeply in love with them and I would hate it to see them sad, they are already depressed with all the situation (It's seems to be a problem that has been escalating over time) and I've been feeling kinda useless and sad being unable to help them.
I am fully aware that I am not in a place to interfere with their life and I've reduced myself to simply providing them with support as a normal friend should, at the end of the day that's what matters the most, but as days pass by, I get overwhelmed by a feeling of sorrow that gets more and more present on my life, specially on certain places/moments like parties or in conversations about love life. The other day this friend convinced me to go with them to a party and I suddently got extremely depressed on it as they talked about couples and crushes, I've been evading social situations like that one ever since.
I've talked with some friends and a majority give me the same two options, telling them so I get rejected, allowing me to overcome with the sadness quick, or just distancing myself to try to erase my feelings. I do have to mention that I can't open up completely to people in real life so what I've told my friend differs from what I've said here.
I come here to ask again what I could do, I wouldn't want to distance as I appreciate their friendship, and they have told me they appreciate mine too. Even if we haven't been friends for too long this person really did became an important part of my life and I would probably feel worse if I lost them indefinitely. However at the same time, as I mentioned before, I keep getting moments of sorrowness on my life because of them, and whilst they are not that serious, as someone who is already struggling with self esteem issues and worst feelings that I will abstain to say, I feel it's not an adequate situation to be in, considering my own well being.
I am troubled about what to do, I suppose that ultimately the decicion depends on what I prioritize the most, but I still would like other people thoughts on it, just in case.

I would say that overall, today was pretty tough.
I saw in that movie called trainspotting a little excerpt about how when recovering from an addiction something that is unspoken is that feeling of depression. Like nothing really excites you, you don't really look forward to much, nothing.
I find this to really ring true, especially today for some reason. But for me its mainly the OCD stuff. day after day im living with a sense of fear, without any possibility for the "answer" that my brain is seeking. So its this constant sense of uncertainty without really any relief. Back when I would "use" so to speak, in my waking existence of this reality there was always a great escape. I would just plunge into indulgence and dopamine would flood my brain and for those hours I felt as if I didn't really exist, like I was someplace else.
So it makes sense as to why I'd feel depressed. My "answer" to the ghost of fear that follows me around is taken away. And with the days passing on and the novelty of recovery gone, you're simply faced with the uncertainty of life.
While this may seem sad, I feel that in tandem with what I said now is a good time to take a deep dive into the depth of my addiction at its worse, and why I would feel as If something essential to me is missing. After all, its what my brain was taught.
To start off, when I see accounts of other pornography type addictions, most of the time, these are trivial to me. It's almost notable how far my addiction went, until it isn't. because the people on the communities I would use in would be just as frequent as me, with their hours just as long. Showing that this is a silent epidemic that is exclusively a consequence of the 21st century. For now its clinically called "cybersex addiction". But in my opinion their needs to be a term created that sounds more medicinal. Cybersex sounds a little corny and a tad sci-fi, and with my recount and the habits of others in the community, I'm sure in 20 years or so it will be observed as something a bit more serious and given a name to fit it. But for now with its current term its a tad difficult to take it seriously. If I was to tell someone I suffered for years from a cybersex addiction they'd probably find it a bit humorous. But I digress.
I would say that it started when I was about 15 years old, give or take. I had always liked porn. Loved porn even. I remember when I discovered it at 12 years old, and how good it made me feel. I watched it close to every night and would masturbate. But the feelings that I specifically liked were the videos that displayed power, and control. Absolutely nothing romantic. Stealing someone's girlfriend, making someone's spouse pleasure you for a favor, making a stepsibling "do as their told". Those kinda things. Specifically cheating. There was something so arousing to me about making someone elses significant other have sex with you. The power trip felt to primal and dirty. This was at 12-13 years old.
However, despite my habit, I feel as if I was still normal. I subconsciously suspended a sense of disbelief. The prospect of just having a girlfriend and having sex still very much excited me. My member still worked perfectly fine. And when I would watch porn I would just rub one out and be done with it. 15 minutes tops, typically more around 5. And then id move on with my day.
I remember when I first discovered a sex chat room. I believe I was 14 years old. At that time i had it on a family computer, so I couldn't take it very far. But i remember how excited I felt, that jumping in my chest when matched up with someone I would talk about sex with. But i wouldnt be able to touch myself, as I was in the living room.
It was at the back end of that year when I'd get on the site again. At this point I had purchased a smart phone and could use it in privacy. I will never forget that night in which I was hooked. I was on the couch, as I used to sleep there in a living room. This was different from the different aforementioned living room, as I had a lot of places growing up. I never had much of a home, and it was pretty troubled. But thats a topic for another day.
I matched up with someone on that same site. They were, or most likely roleplaying, as someone's wife. Sneaking around. I remember when I discovered that in the conversation my heart felt like it jumped out of my chest. I remember moving the conversation towards soemething sexual, and "she" naturally played her part and went along. I remember getting demanding, giving orders. "she" acted reluctant but "caved". I remember getting a euphoric sexual high. 14 years old, I was hooked.
It ebbed and flowed over the years, and came and went. But when it got really bad is after the onset of my adulthood OCD, at around 17
(People with OCD have it fully set in at some point during early adulthood, with episodes throughout childhood)
When my mental illness struggles started I felt as though my life was a waking nightmare. I just did not understand nonresponse at the time, and it felt as though my reality caved and inverted. I could not have a moment without rumination and did not understand there was nothing to solve. I just didn't understand. so I was merely a zombie, like some kind of ghoul. I was pretending to be alive. Floating moment to moment, phoning it in. My family didnt understand why I was so distant. Why i had no aspirations or anything. It made my father so angry he would beat me. The beating and what not got so bad that at 18 I split home. I was in and out after that.
Some time passed and I bummed around but I got to a point where I lived by myself and had roommates.
Throughout this era there was one constant. The internet pornography use. The "cybersex". at the end of every fruitless day I would get on, and it would be hours. I had multiple accounts, on multiple forums. Many fetish based. I would get desperate sometimes and would get spammy, clawing for a good partner that matched my interests, and would often get banned. So many times I would have accounts i would switch back in forth from to avoid getting banned. I was a full blown addict.
Snap forwards a couple years, where my addiction and mental illness had fully taken over. I had no job, I would never be able to hold one down. I was hemorrhaging money, my savings from my teenage hood. I would Doordash and do gig work on occasion but would give up if my OCD got too loud. Or if I had plans but started using f*ck those plans.
I would wake up at 11 or so. maybe noon, maybe 1. id get up and use the restroom, throw my clothes on the floor. My room was completely rotted away. I would go downstairs and chat with my roommates. maybe go grab lunch or something. then I'd get home and start using. typically, by 3 o clock. It would be hours, masturbating, binge watching porn, being on the forums. Finding partners that matched me and saying things that were unspeakibly nasty to get a good rush. Hours and hours would pass by and I would prevent ejaculation. i did not want the escape to end, but eventually it would. I would excrete all over myself and by matress with no bedding (I would not put my sheets on my bed, as i just simply did not care). I would not clean up much, would mostly just let it dry. After that I would watch some youtube. I would not get out of my bed, or shower, or anything like that. These things did not not concern me. At around 10 or so I would start up again. Using and using and using and using. typically till about 4 in the morning. Then id c*m, and Id go downstairs to stuff my face with whatever I had in the fridge. Then Id go back into my room, and with the rush of my vice gone and the fear from OCD quelled by it, Id feel unspeakably sad. Unspeakably empty. then id go to sleep.
Sometimes it was from the moment I woke up. I'd wake up, stare at my ceiling, my anxiety would settle in, and I'd start using. I'd use till 2 and then take a nap. Then id use till 4. Then I'd use till 8. Then id use till 2 am.
I remember my member would be red and blistered, sensitive to the touch, and unable to get an erection. But id keep using. Id go again and again, rubbing it while it was limp. My room stunk like hell and I was gaining weight. My hair was greasy and i was running out of money. I was literally just fading away.
Heres my great ability though. My friends just thought I was a tad unhygienic and lazy. They didn't suspect a thing. Because no matter what, I'm always a showman. I can always say something to crack up the group or become an inside joke. I was literally a dead man walking yet people considered me funny and capable. But the curtain got pulled on that eventually.
Well, more on that some other day. This recount served its purpose for me in putting in my perspective on what I am not anymore. And no matter how hard it gets, making sure I never go back again.
Fucking hell man. Why's this shit gotta be so hard.
See yall tomorrow.

Dear Parents,
We are writing to you today to address a critical and urgent issue that affects every family with children in the digital age: the pervasive and insidious influence of harmful online content, particularly pornography.
The internet, while a valuable tool for learning and connection, has become a battleground where our children's minds and well-being are at stake. The pornographic industry, driven by immense profit motives, has infiltrated every corner of the online world, including platforms supposedly designed for children like TikTok.
This infiltration is not always overt or explicit. It operates through sophisticated camouflage tactics, blending harmful content into seemingly harmless spaces. It normalizes distorted and unrealistic views of sexuality and gender roles, blurring boundaries and confusing the lines between healthy exploration and exploitation.
This insidious process is facilitated by several factors:

1. Stealth Tactics: Harmful subcultures often use coded language, symbolism, and subtle cues that can easily bypass parental controls and monitoring.
2. Exploitation of Algorithms: Social media algorithms inadvertently amplify this content by recommending it to users who have shown interest in similar topics, creating echo chambers where harmful ideas can flourish.
3. Grooming and Manipulation: Some individuals or groups may employ grooming tactics to gradually introduce children to increasingly harmful content, making it seem normal and acceptable over time.

This is not about placing blame on any individual or group. Harm is not always intentional; it can be spread unconsciously by anyone, including children themselves. However, the ultimate responsibility lies with the corporations that exploit and commercialize these distorted narratives for profit.
While social platforms and governments have a role to play in minimizing harm, the reality is that parents are the first and most crucial line of defense for their children.
We understand that navigating the digital age can be overwhelming. There are numerous tools and strategies for managing screen time and filtering content. However, we believe that the current situation calls for a more radical approach.
The sheer volume and pervasiveness of harmful content, coupled with the sophisticated tactics used to spread it, make it nearly impossible to fully protect our children within the current online landscape.
Therefore, we propose a paradigm shift in our approach to children's digital engagement:

1. Drastically Limit Uncontrolled Exposure: Consider significantly reducing your child's access to uncontrolled online spaces, especially social media platforms.
2. Curate Their Online Experience: Focus on educational resources, controlled platforms with strict content moderation, and age-appropriate content.
3. Invest in Real-World Safe Spaces: Create safe and nurturing environments in the real world where your children can explore their identities, develop healthy relationships, and learn about sexuality in age-appropriate ways.

We understand this may seem extreme, but we believe it's a necessary response to an extreme situation. The stakes are simply too high to ignore. Our children's mental, emotional, and sexual well-being are on the line.
We urge you to join us in this critical conversation. Let's acknowledge the challenges we face, share our experiences, and work together to find solutions. Our children deserve nothing less than our unwavering commitment to their protection.
Sincerely,
Concerned Parents and Advocates

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This is my first time here. Situation I am describing is a very known situation at many households. But this is happening to me AGAIN and AGAIN.
So, I have an ailing Father in law, completely paralyzed with tracheostomy tube, feeding tube and a catheter, whom we are caregiving in a Tier 2 City since 5+ years, I work from home . I have suffered a missed miscarriage and had a D&E after that in September 2023 at around 12 weeks marks. SInce then we are trying and not had a success. My sister-in-law lives in same city so she comes to support the care. I am a secondary caregiver as I am the only one who is earning. My husband is on career break as the Staff is not permanent & load of caregiving is huge. My mother in law expired in 2020.
My sister in law since marriage was a person I always had doubts on. I make friends for life once I get to know them, but here even if the dynamic was weird, I gave her lots of benefit of doubt & she proved me wrong always. She and my MIL were best friends. They had never included me the way a daughter in law should have been included. So because of my mothe r in law, the home was always under her control. Whenever I used to come, I was being indirectly commented on our stuff lying here and there(we were not having any room, so obv it was to be taken in and out of bags), SIL used to say in a really really bad tone blabbering and going here and there " why do people bring stuff if they don't know how to place" the etc. in short I was never allowed to even touch or know things in house. It has to be done by my sister in law always. For smallest of things, she was always given preference. Please don't take me wrong, but I am from a home where we are 2 sisters and obv I was being trained to handle all the things so that I never ever become dependent. And here I am in a household, where I am being told, "you won't be able to do this" to everything I wanted to attempt. All what I had to do is cooking, which I didn't know much. Btw I was the only working lady that time.
Anyway I don't want to go to my MIL's drama because that was HORRIBLE and I thank God every day for relaxing me!
This is not the first time SIL has done maligning/ bitching, she has been involved to malign the image. It has never happened anywhere that people don't come to talk to me, because I generally listen to the problems and I am amicable! I have lived in Chennai, Mumbai, Pune, but it is only here that I couldn't foster any relationships with anyone! It always was a thought in me which I didn't know had a solid cause. I caught her tarnishing my image on camera (we kept it for FIL) blabbering things like : "She has eaten crab" (Kekde khati hai) which I haven't, I have had fish 2-3 times in my whole life, these guys are purely vegetarian, which I was as well, but I had just shared it with her as a thing! "She is putting pressure on my brother so that we have a fight, and now he came to beg sorry that I did a mistake"(Ary masi, ese hi koi nai karta, jab tak upar se pressure nai aata , and aaya tha maafi maangne fir, ki mujhe maaf kar do, ye to chahti hai ki humari ladai ho jaye and toot jaye relationship) (which I never ever do, I come from a joint family and such adjustments are inbuilt in my nature)
When my husband and herself caught covid, they were isolated, I was at my mother's place and rushed back to support them and fully supported them for 2 weeks managing my work alongwith. Later on during 3rd wave of covid, I had covid and I didn't even was asked for! I missed my parents a lot! She gave the most vile response in that conversation with her Masis. "She got Covid!, She got covid!, Now she will make sure to come to our father's room" (That had broken me that time) (Ab ho gaya usko!, ho gaya!, Ab to aur ayegi papa ke room me) (with an intention to kill him)(I have been dealing with a tough situation where it affected my marriage the most and I had to voice my needs to them as noone was paying any attention to my needs and I wanted to have a family of my own during that time. It was 2020-21, I was 33)
I was a scared bird, I was so so scared of confrontation previously that she exploited a lot out of me. Their home is in a place where people have never gone out of the city so the thoughts are so weird when they see me doing it! For example : employing a maid! Now Imagine ! Her masis are equally involved. When my mother in law was dead, and the rituals were happening, people flocked and populated our home. MIL had 5 sisters, all of them bombarded in the tiny home! and then one of them started saying, "We didn't even get tea! She gets up at 7!"
I am harmless creature, who has never picked up fights, She is argumentative and of a nature where she has to win always which is through talking. I avoid it. If I talk, by hook or crook she will manipulate so that things are in her favor and last sentence is hers. She even called my parents and said "aap logo ko thoda encourage jitna karte ho aur karna chahiye" without my knowledge , and they were speaking for me! and I was at a different city. That was my tipping point! I came back, ignored her for 3 days finally bursting on her. She argued that "are they nothing for me", I said you are not allowed to call without my knowledge, you have to go through ME!!
Coming to problem:
My sister in law just had a baby who is 6 months now. after my miscarriage! 2-3 days before, she left her phone at our place,and asked to forward a number from her mobile. My husband forwarded it and then sifted through her chats. He got into a chat with their cousin sister where my sister in law described me as
"I stopped you to go and made her (me) to go because she puts evil eye on my kid and my baby has stopped drinking milk, you are of pure heart, but not everyone is like that, we dont know what's going on in other's mind"
"Ary behna! Bura mat maniyo, wo nazar lagati hain HAMESHA, Ab bechari doodh bhi nai peeti dhang se, tera dil to saaf hai, lekin sabka nai hota"
I was aghasted by this chat comment. All I gave was a genuine love for the purest soul who is infront of us!
All I do is my job in the only room at this house. Previously I was so disturbed that I took psychologist's support! Can you believe it! SIL problems to psychologist!! And After she had a baby, she became better I thought so, so I forgave her and interacted, went to her home as well. Then I backtraced and found another incident where I could connect the dots:
I was deliberately asked to prepare tea while at her home, her masi were also there, and her masi said, Let me prepare the tea, and she said I want to have her from only her hands!! (While in kitchen I found it weird but I gave her space and didn't come out), Later in remembered that she was feeding her baby! HOW PATHETIC! I am so so hurt by such things happening around me! One of her masi, couldn't bear children and "her nazar" has been talk of town always, another masi she was seperate from all sisters and minded her own business, she has "money" according to all of them(which is for sure hard earned and they are jealous that she earned, kept up with sasural, she didn't give a f**k to such chalak sisters ) her nazar is considered "killing/deadly"! She has been a very kind person when I met ! So when I heard about them from SIL I couldn't believe she is saying all that about her own masi! and now when I heard something about me all I could think of is 20 years in future people will still not talk to me because I put nazar! I thought of confronting her husband as he is humble , talking to her is exhausting and I feel talking doesn't bring any conclusion. I thought of never going to their home, I don't know how feasible that is, so my action plan is to never handle her baby and comment on her like : "dont put your baby with me, she will get nazar" . Or if her husband asked why are you not coming, then I will reveal. But I don't know I am getting anxious, something has shifted inside me for good.
I know this is a difficult phase of my life and I am trying for pregnancy can't leave this place until his father's death. I had been away from family in past and that made me more depressed and abandoned as my husband is crazy for his father and he left everything for him! So I couldn't even ask him during all these years of my needs. He was faced by his mother's death and an ailing father so naturally he had a reaction. I had survived a very very difficult phase alone, we both had different journeys for past 4 years. God has been very kind that my job was there throughout to support my family!
Any suggestions on how to deal are appreciated.

When Quicktalon finally woke up, his heart leaped to his throat as he noticed that the sun was beginning to set. A gruff voice chuckled to his alarm before he could act on his sudden panic, “Sit down, you crazy ostrich. You’re fine. Achira has been taken care of, the fire lit, and your dinner is near the fire to keep warm.” Quicktalon froze at the new voice, slowly turning towards the owner of this new visitor, but his eyes seemed to have been playing tricks on him. His brother Fleet was nearby and changing his sister’s bandages.
“Fleet?” he asked softly, his eyes still wide at seeing his battle-scarred brother. “H-how are you here?! The search party for the missing Drakes and Dragons left months ago!” he exclaimed, a grin growing as happy tears began to warm his eyes. It had been far too long since he had last seen his brother. “Well, we were on our way back from the most northern searches, and we found a few traces of what could have happened, but we need to send out another search party after we Rest and replenish our supplies. But I have heard the great news!” Fleet said as he hugged his brother, “ I’m so proud of you!” He exclaimed, pulling his brother into a hug, “I can’t believe you’ve grown so much from that little drake who never left our grandmother's side and always got into scrapes from running too fast.” He laughed softly.
Quicktalon chuckled at his brother’s lighthearted jesting, “ Grandmother always made healing fun and exciting, and I wanted to be able to follow in her talon steps and help those who helped us when we were little drakelings.” He said with a smile, “But now, I have a chance to truly save dragonkind from this dangerous threat, hopefully with getting this information out to the world and traveling to Scholar’s Whispering Peak, I can also get more information on what happened to our Grandmother and hopefully what had happened to our parents all those years ago.”
A smile ghosted Fleet's lips. He knew that something had happened to his grandmother; they had the signs and were Grandmother her. But the more his troop searched, and the more evidence was uncovered, the more serious this strange tail became. He hadn’t mentioned it yet to their pack leader. Still, Drakes across the savanna were going missing, some dragons and even the notoriously hidden Arctic dragons.
Dozens of Dragons of all kinds were going missing. The Sea Orcs were the only ones who witnessed this strange occurrence. They were too big for anything to happen to them, but the cause of the disappearing dragons needed to be uncovered and solved before the giant sea dragons began to disappear. But Fleet couldn’t ruin his brother’s excitement and joy over this. So, for now, he kept quiet and continued praising his brother for his magnificent discovery.
“I need to start getting ready. I’ve got a big trip ahead of me. I need to pack plenty of supplies and ensure I have enough to trade for a thick fur cover to protect me from the freezing temperatures at the summit of the Scholars Whispering Peak.” Quicktalon said, “I can’t wait to be able to spend more time with you and Achira as soon as she fully recovers from the effects of the viper.” He explained with a soft chuckle, “ but I will be back soon, hopefully before winter settles over the lands, which, with it being the middle of New Life, I should have time to make it to the coast and get assistance through the ocean and onto the nearest coastline on the other side.”
Fleet looked concerned at the plan his brother had just explained. " Are you sure that is safe? I’ve met traveling Sea Orcs and been told how long and perilous a journey across the sea can be for Drakes and Dragons of our size!” Fleet explained fear etched deep into his face as he couldn’t imagine his little brother in the middle of a raging and violent sea. “ It would be better to travel on land. You’d get there much safer and without the risk of your research getting ruined from the sea's moisture.”
Quicktalon took a moment to consider. Is a trip like that more manageable? Would it be safer to traverse land rather than sea? “Are there any maps I can get? Can you help me figure out a quick and safe journey from our home to the Scholars Whispering Peak? If the sea is too dangerous, I will need to figure out a different way to get to the scholars and hopefully get there before the snow season starts.” He said, “Do you know if the pack to our North sells maps of the continent and trade routes I could follow?” He asked while moving to a chest with chunks of gold and jewels he could trade for a map. He even wrote quick instructions for effectively healing and removing the venom from the bite of an Orid Viper. Fleet watched as his brother gathered enough items for trade; each pack had different trade requirements depending on the situation and status.
“Do you remember what they ask for trade?” Quicktalon asked as he set his collected gems and precious metals into a small side pouch strapped to his front right upper forearm. Fleet thought momentarily and tried to remember when his troop had last passed through the pack to the North. “ I believe they take both jewels and food, so we might want to stop and catch something for them to eat on our way over to the North Pack,” Fleet said as he sharpened his dull talons on a nearby rock, “ a water buffalo perhaps would be a good trade-off.” He said, “with the upcoming heat wave, they might appreciate more food for their youngins.”
“Then it's settled. Let's head to the North Pack and trade for a map for a trade route to Scholars Whispering Peak.” Quicktalon said, ensuring his research was set somewhere safe and out of the way of any potential spills or papyrus-eating worms. “Let’s go. The hottest part of the day is over for now, and the animals should be coming back from mid-day hibernation so we can snag a water buffalo on the way to them,” Quicktalon said while moving to give his sister healing wound a quick check-over. Once everything was in good shape, Quicktalon and Fleet left the medical hut. They began their journey to the North Pack and hopefully snagged a water buffalo on the way toward their destination.
Both brothers carefully left the medical hut and began looking around Earthquake to tell him where they were heading and their plan for QuickTalon to get to the Scholars Whispering peaks before winter hit. It wasn’t too hard to find the elder drake, as he was once again leading the younger drakes in battle practice for the potential war that seemed to be whispering on the horizon. “WATCH YOUR TALONS! FOR MOTHER DRAKE’S SAKE HEATSTROKE, DUCK! USE YOUR FIRE!” Earthquake shouted, drilling the almost grown drakes in new and much faster battle techniques. “Things must be getting worse if Earthquake is so worried about what’s been happening. It worries me.” Fleet murmured to QuickTalon, fear and worry evident on his face as he watched the young drakes practice their battle maneuvers as if they were currently fighting the actual enemy.
The mock battle went on for what felt like an eternity before Earthquake called for the young drakes to take a break and get a drink of water. “ Freshen up! Get a drink and take a moment to breathe! You must keep practicing if we ever need to go to war against this new and unknown enemy!” He commanded while walking over to see what QuickTalon and Fleet wanted to discuss. “ Welcome back, Fleet, and I’m happy to see that your search troop all came back with no casualties.” He said in greeting, “But what can I do for you both? I can see that there is something you both wish to tell me.” He said while peering down his snout at the younger of the group, “We plan to head to the northern pack and trade something of value for a trade route map to the Scholars Whispering Peaks. The initial route is dangerous, and the humid air could ruin my research.” QuickTalon explained, “With the scorching season rolling in, we thought bringing a water buffalo to trade for a map would be helpful.”
Earthquake seemed impressed by the current plan, “ while that is a good idea, the Northern Pack have been plagued recently by attacks from humans, or at least what seems to be left of that species; if you want to help, I’m sure food, water and medical attention will benefit them most.” He explained, “ but you both have my permission to go to the Northern Pack, just come back here, and I’ll help get you an assistant to stand in your place as a healer until your return.” Earthquake said, a smile gently ghosting across his snout, “now go on little ones, the sun is getting ready to set, and the water buffalo will be out to graze and drink at the nearby watering holes.” “Yes, sir, we will be back within three days,” QuickTalon said with a nod as he and his brother were dismissed and permitted to head off toward the Northern Pack.
With the dry dirt and plants crunching under their talons, QuickTalon turned and followed Fleet toward the Northern pack. “If humans are attacking them, what should we do if we see one?” QuickTalon asked after a long pause in the conversation, “Well,” Fleet started as if trying to recall a memory, “ my commander said that if you see a human, to kill on sight. While most humans are not dangerous to us as adults, they still threaten our young and elderly.” He explained, “Although I have yet to see a human, I have heard conflicting reports and statements about humans. Some are nice and have been seen helping others and the environment we live in, and some are on constant paths of destruction, burning, and taking like the worst of us dragons. Filled with greed and the never-ending satisfaction that they will never have enough stuff to put into their horde, they kill everything on their path to get what they want.”
QuickTalon’s eyes widened in both fascination and absolute horror at what he was hearing, and he had never realized that something so small and without fire or claws or just something to defend itself could be so destructive. “ But, is there a way to tell which ones are good and bad? Surely all of them can’t be rotten, can they?” He asked, jumping in fright when a breaking twig cracked nearby. “I’m sure there is, but for now, we’ve been told to just kill on sight.” He said softly, “ I know you want to help save the world, but you must remember, QuickTalon, that not everyone can or wants to be saved. You will need to know when to save yourself, and don’t let those who want to drown pull you under with them.” He said, eyes staring off into the distance, seeming to be looking at or hearing something out in the distance that only he could see. Quicktalon wasn’t sure how to respond to his brother’s worries. He was worried that his brother might know something more about this dangerous situation than he did, but he knew that he needed to keep his head clear and his eyes forward during this difficult time. “Brother, I know you are worried and want to find Grandmother, but spiraling off into the unknowns and the shadows will not help us find her. I believe in you and the others, but you need to take a breath and remind yourself where you are and your focus.” Quicktalon said, listening intensely to his surroundings while following his brother North. “ We will find Grandmother and the other missing Drakes, but for now, we need to rest our worried minds to start with a clean slate in the morning. If we let our brains become muddled, we could miss important details. So for now, let's just rest our heads and worry about finding a water buffalo and getting a map.”
Fleet sighed deeply, “You’re right, brother. Worrying about all the what-ifs has been muddling my mind. I’ve been so stressed over all of the potential possibilities I have lost the main focus of my mission. To bring the lost and the missing home.” He said, shaking his head ever so slightly as if trying to clear his head from the dark thoughts that had muddled his brain for many years. “ But I agree, let us get that water buffalo and trade for the map. Once we return and rest, my troop and I will follow you to the first trading post and head toward the North. Perhaps we might meet again on your journey.” Fleet hummed softly before snapping his gaze towards the direction of something he had heard. “Shh, I hear something!” He whispered while dropping into a low crouch and moving almost silently through the tall brush and grass toward the sound he had heard.
Quicktalon did the same and followed his brothers' movements. The grass hissed and crunched softly under their talons as they approached the top of a small hill. With careful movements, the brothers peered over the hill. The water buffalo migration had begun, and thousands of bison were resting around the large pond. “ The migration.” Quicktalon murmured, “Would it hurt if we managed to grab a few bison for the Northern pack?” He asked, “ I don’t know how many drakes are in the Northern Pack, but with the hot season approaching, maybe it would help to bring them a few bison to preserve before the migration leaves?” He asked if he knew they needed to preserve the circle of life, but he had no idea what the status of this other pack could be since it had been at least forty years since he had last seen the pack at the semi-annual Drake packs meet-up.
“Perhaps, although I don’t want to end up overwhelming the Northern pack with food. But I agree, with the scorching season approaching, packs will need as much food as possible.” Fleet murmured while slowly dropping into a hunter's crouch, “ I will go for the two deep in the water. You grab the one heading out.” He instructed, to which Quicktalon agreed. He adjusted his satchel and ensured his research was safe before waiting for his brother's signal. With a hiss, Fleet shot over the hill, running as fast as he found towards the two water buffalo in the water. Grunts, groans, and high-pitched bellows filled the air as the water buffalo panicked and ran away from the large drakes.
Thunderous hooves and cries filled the air as the buffalo pushed and shoved into each other while fighting to escape the predators. Quicktalon narrowed his eyes, planted all four talons to the ground, and lunged at the water buffalo. The bison bellowed in fear and swung its head, trying to gore Quicktalon with its horns, but with a sharp turn of his body, he narrowly managed to avoid the deadly horn and sink his teeth into the back of the buffalo’s neck. The buffalo’s wails increased before being silenced with a loud crack, its body falling limp in Quicktalon’s jaws and its head rolling loosely. Loud splashing drew the younger drakes' attention; the second water buffalo ganged up on his brother. With a roar of anger, Quicktalon dropped his fresh kill and thundered through the water toward the second buffalo. The second buffalo barely had time to react before Quicktalon threw himself on the bison’s back and began pulling on its horns to steer it away from his brother.
The bison bellowed angrily and bucked as hard as possible, trying to throw the younger drake off. But Quicktalon held on tight, and with an angry snarl, he gripped the horns tightly in his talons, and with a harsh twist and a loud snap, the bison’s neck was broken. The bison collapsed into the water with a splash. Quicktalon was breathing hard as he tried to catch his breath after such a stressful moment. Fleet growled as he finally managed to take down his water buffalo, “ Fleet, are you okay?” Quicktalon asked, moving through the water, the muddled water sloshing around his talons.
“ I—I’m okay, I just… need to catch my breath.” Fleet panted as he caught his breath. I don’t know why that was so difficult. It shouldn’t have been.” He panted while pushing himself up and moving to collect the two limp water bison. “Let’s get these to the North Pack. We are almost there.” He said while letting Quicktalon assist him with lifting the two freshly killed bison onto his back. “Alright, but as soon as you need to take a break, let me know,” Quicktalon said as he walked over to the water buffalo he killed and hoisted it onto his back.
Fleet nodded in agreement, and the two began the final leg of their trek toward the Northern pack. Crickets began to chirp and sing as the sun set, lighting the sky in a brilliant mixture of pinks, reds, and oranges. Quicktalon smiled, stared at the beautiful sky, and grew even more excited when the fireflies lit up and danced around the land. “ You’ve always enjoyed this time of year, haven’t you?” Fleet asked with a smile, “ I do. The beautiful sunsets, the lightning bugs, and the soft songs of crickets. It always brings me joy.” Quicktalon replied with a happy smile in return. “Whenever I am scared, I think of nights like this to help calm me down.” He explained with a soft chuckle, “Grandmother even painted me a painting of one of these nights. I still treasure that painting the most.” He said, reminiscing about when his grandmother gifted him the painting of his favorite sunset.
“We will find her, Quicktalon, I promise,” Fleet said as he gently shouldered his brother with a soft sigh. “ I know, Fleet, but I’m still worried. She vanished without a trace.” He said softly, shifting the weight of water buffalo on his back to accommodate for the extra weight. “ I believe you brother, but, I still cant’t believe that someone or something like this could have happened.” He murmured, “although I do hope that we can figure out what has happened and we can bring our grandmother home.” Quicktalon said as he tried to enjoy his favorite evening.
Fleet nodded, “ well, we are almost to the Northern Pack, hopefully they have something that can help.” He said, nodding his head towards the approaching lights in the distance, “ good, hopefully they can help.” Quicktalon sighed before a set of drakes in heavy armor thundered towards them, anger written on their faces. “HALT!” One of the guards roared. “W-whats going on?” Quicktalons asked, unsure of why the guards were so angry. “ Your grandmother and her pack of drakes destroyed our village!”

TLDR: My flight was overbooked, so I was stressed about Delta not being able to get me to my destination and making me figure out a way to get there myself, as well as leaving me stranded for a night in NYC. A Delta supervisor then followed me after I was done speaking to her and walked away from her to harass me about how I should have nothing to complain about. They also sent my bag to the wrong country despite me warning them multiple times beforehand that it was mistagged and should not be going to that country at all, but they fully ignored my concerns and gave me false information until it was too late. Avoid delta at all costs.
On Thursday, May 16, 2024, I was scheduled to fly to Stockholm with a layover in JFK. I made it to JFK with no issues, four full hours before my next flight, which was DL 204 from JFK to ARN. Once the plane and gate agents had arrived, they started asking for volunteers to go on the next flight to Stockholm as they had overbooked the flight. Because I had no seat assignment, I became increasingly worried as it got closer to the scheduled departure time and the compensation amount kept going up, meaning they still needed more volunteers. Once everyone who had a seat assignment boarded, I asked the supervisor at the gate if they would be giving out any more seats. She said we would have to wait and see, to which I said “Okay, thank you.” A few minutes later, I went back to the desk to ask a different gate agent if I would get the compensation volunteers are getting if I end up not getting a seat, as pretty much everyone had boarded and I still did not have a seat. I asked her this politely from the other side of the desk she was sitting at. She refused to look up from her computer or even acknowledge that I was speaking to her, despite her clearly not being too busy to at least look at someone who is respectfully speaking to her and having heard me. I had witnessed her do this to multiple other customers who tried to politely ask her reasonable questions about the status of our flight. She refused to even look at any of us and smirked while ignoring us as if it was amusing to her. You learn when you are a toddler to look at someone when they are speaking to you and at least acknowledge their presence when they ask you a reasonable question. I calmly told her, “This is incredibly unprofessional, by the way,” at which point she started to argue with me. She claimed, “You asked my supervisor the same question and she already said she didn’t know, so I don’t have to answer you,” as the supervisor nodded in agreement. I told her, “You can still at least acknowledge when someone is speaking to you,” and walked away as I was already fed up. I had asked her a completely different question than I had asked the supervisor, and regardless, purposefully ignoring paying customers in this way is disrespectful and completely inappropriate. I was baffled as to how she acted this way in front of her supervisor and thought this was okay. But once I talked to the supervisor for longer than the 3 seconds I spent asking her that one question, it became clear to me why the gate agent acted this way.
Eventually, another gate agent told me I had been assigned a seat and that I could finally go and board the plane. Once I got down to my assigned seat, someone was already sitting there. She had volunteered earlier to give up her seat, but due to miscommunication within the team of Delta agents, she had been told to go back to her seat and that she no longer needed to volunteer. I went back to one of the agents, who I watched put me on the volunteer list without actually verbally telling me anything. I never actually said, “Yes, I want to volunteer.” I was told to go back up to the gate, so that the gate agents can help me rebook my flight. Once I got up there, I repeatedly told the agents that I needed to be in Stockholm by Saturday morning, and they reassured me each time that there were flights available for me to do so. One agent had found an itinerary for me, but then was told to go by the supervisor, as the supervisor apparently no longer needed as much help anymore since the overbooking situation had been figured out (at least in the supervisor’s eyes). As I stood at the desk trying to get someone to help me, the supervisor eventually told me to come over to her. At first, she told me there was an itinerary that she could book for me to be in Stockholm by Saturday morning. I asked her for the details, then she said that itinerary was no longer available, despite her having told me thirty seconds prior that it was. She then started helping a different customer, despite not having resolved my flight issue, and I watched her continue to help other people before returning to me. When she finally got back to me, she started barking alternate destinations at me, without giving me any time to process or look up if I would be able to get to Stockholm if I was sent to that alternate destination. She eventually said Amsterdam, and as I searched for transportation from Amsterdam to Stockholm, she told the person she was on the phone with, “I don’t know, she hasn’t responded to me,” while side-eyeing me. It had been less than a minute since she told me the alternate destination, and I had told her I needed a second to see if I would be able to make it to Stockholm with alternate transportation before giving her confirmation that I could be put on the flight to Amsterdam. Eventually, I was able to find a KLM flight that would get me to Stockholm from Amsterdam, which she was no help in helping me find. In fact, the other customers who had volunteered helped me figure this out, as they stayed with me for emotional support, even though their own situations had been figured out. As they saw that I was a stressed teenage girl that had been put in this situation, they empathized and showed me kindness, something the actual Delta employees refused to do. Once I saw that there were available seats on the KLM flight from AMS to ARN, I told the supervisor that I would take the flight to Amsterdam. Once this was confirmed, I asked if I was guaranteed a spot on this new flight, since I did not want to end up in the same situation. She told me with an aggressive tone “Once you are booked, you are guaranteed a seat.” Confused, I responded “I booked this original flight months ago, but did not get a seat on this flight.” This is when she raised her voice to yell at me, “No, you volunteered to give up your seat. If you really wanted to be on this flight, I would’ve told the other lady to get off.” I did not knowingly volunteer. I was put on the volunteer list without anyone asking me. To add on, when I saw they put me on the volunteer list, I was scared to say anything as one agent had already been argumentative with me and if I did not let them put me on the volunteer list, I would have gotten significantly less compensation and still not gotten a seat on the flight. I really had no other choice than to let them put me on the volunteer list (again, without actually asking me at any point), but the supervisor acted if I had made the decision on my own. I would’ve preferred to be on the original flight, but I never had that option. I then just replied, “Okay, thank you.” and walked away from her.
I would also like to add that throughout this entire interaction, she repeatedly told the other employees around her how much she did not want to be helping me anymore and how she just wanted to go get dinner. Further, the new flight to AMS was the following day, and she did not even attempt to help me get accommodation or transportation. As stated in Delta’s policies available on their website, if you are inconvenienced for greater than 4 hours and overnight away from your home or destination, Delta is meant to provide complimentary hotel accommodations or provide a voucher for accommodation, as well as providing transportation and vouchers for meals. I am a teenage girl that she left stranded in NYC for a night. Luckily, I knew someone in NYC that I was able to stay with, but had I not had that option, this would have been a horrible situation to put a teenage girl in. She did not care at all, and to her, rebooking my flight was good enough, despite it being the next day and to an entirely different country than my destination. Further, Delta is meant to rebook you on a flight or combination of flights to your original destination or next layover, which they did not do. I had no plans to be in Amsterdam, until Delta forced me to go there as they gave me no other viable option. Delta is also supposed to “provide notice explaining our obligations and the compensation you will receive if you are involuntarily denied boarding,” which the supervisor and gate agent(s) refused to do. I was deliberately ignored when I asked, as I described earlier.
After I had ended the conversation with the supervisor and walked away from her, the other customers/volunteers who were supporting me asked what my situation was now. I started to explain to them, “I have been put on a new flight to Amsterdam and booked a flight from Amsterdam to Stockholm, but I am still a little stressed because I don’t have an assigned seat on my new flight either. I might call Delta customer service later just to confirm that I will be able to get on this new flight.” As soon as the supervisor overheard that I may call customer service later, she stormed up to me, following me to where I was after I had walked away from her desk, to yell the following in my face: “Are you saying the customer service I provided wasn’t good enough? Are you not happy with the $7000 voucher?” I was grateful for the generous voucher, but still rightfully frustrated by the situation. I started trying to respond, telling her, “No, it’s fine, I just-” I was going to say that I was still just a little confused and stressed and wanted extra confirmation, but she cut me off. She raised her voice even further to say, “I’m not done. Let me finish.” At this point, I felt scared, as she clearly had no problem arguing with and berating customers, and I did not know how the situation may further escalate. This is when I told her, “Okay, bye,” and told her how unprofessional she was, as I walked/ran away from her as quickly as I could out of fear that she would follow me again to harass me further.
In addition to this, once the flight had left, I was also told that my bags had been taken off the plane and would be available for me to pick up at JFK’s baggage claim. When I arrived at baggage claim, they at first could not tell me where exactly my bags were, but told me to wait as they should be coming. After about 30 minutes of waiting for the bags to arrive at baggage claim, I went back to the Delta help desk at baggage claim, where they finally told me that my bags had been retagged and checked in to be put on my new flight to Amsterdam. When I tracked my bags online later that night (Thursday night), I saw that one of my bags, which was my main luggage with all of my clothes and toiletries, had been tagged to be on a KLM flight to Copenhagen after the flight to Amsterdam. I truly do not understand how or why this happened as I never had any plans to fly to Copenhagen. Once I noticed this, I called Delta customer service, as well as Delta’s baggage service department to tell them that it was tagged wrong and should not be going to Copenhagen. Both assured me that neither of my bags would go to Copenhagen and that I would be able to pick them up in Amsterdam. When I woke up Friday morning, I called again before my flight to Amsterdam to really make sure that my bag would not end up in Copenhagen. I also texted Delta’s baggage department and talked to a representative in person, who all reassured me that neither of my checked bags would end up in Copenhagen and that I would be able to pick up both of them when I land in Amsterdam. I get to Amsterdam on Saturday morning, and one of my bags comes out to baggage claim, which was the one that had been tagged properly, while my main luggage (that I warned Delta numerous times about having been mistagged) had arrived in Amsterdam but was immediately put on a plane to Copenhagen before I had even gotten to baggage claim. I was extremely frustrated because I knew this was going to happen, but Delta dismissed and ignored my concerns repeatedly until it was too late. A KLM employee was finally able to help me solve the problem Delta created by marking the bag to be delivered to my hotel in Stockholm. By Saturday night, my bag had been confirmed to have arrived in Stockholm. By Sunday afternoon, when my bag still had not been delivered to the hotel, I tried to contact Delta again, as they were still responsible for my bag, despite the KLM employee being the one that actually helped me. When I contacted them, Delta continuously made excuses saying it was probably too late to intercept the bag when I called earlier, which is why it ended up in Copenhagen, as well as saying that since the delayed baggage report was made on Saturday, they still were not in the wrong as it was only Sunday. One representative also hung up on me for saying “This is fucking ridiculous,” which it absolutely was. I understand that I probably shouldn’t have said fuck, but she kept making excuses and telling me information I knew was false, so I was entirely fed up, especially after the nightmare Delta had already put me through. To be clear, I had been calling Delta about their mistake since THURSDAY NIGHT when they still could’ve easily made sure it was tagged properly and/or intercepted the bag before it was sent to Copenhagen. Instead, they ignored me and lied to me because they were too lazy to even try to fix their mistake when they still could. My bag being sent to the wrong country was entirely preventable if Delta had actually cared to listen to me about my concerns.
Absolute worst travel experience I have EVER had. I have been taking at least 6 flights each year literally since birth and have never been treated so poorly by an airline, or any company ever for that matter. Truly don’t know how everything went so wrong and why Delta could not do a single thing right in this entire process. They continuously made things worse through their employees’ behavior and refusal to actually do something about their mistake(s).

Timestamp: https://imgur.com/1lOe6l8
Hey all, back with some Send-it Sunday goodness:
GUN STUFF

• SOLD Agency Arms EDC Glock 19 Gen 3 Magwell - Also fits Glock 23 and 32. Used but in great shape, but it's missing the hex keys to adjust the screws. It's a quality product, I'm just more of a Sig guy, no matter how I dress up a Glock, lol. - SV $65/TV $75
  
• SOLD Magpul Glock 19 Gen 3 Magwell - This was a bit of a disappointment. There's nothing wrong with it, and it works, but it just didn't actually seem to improve loading the mags for me, at least not without a bit of fitting that I wasn't interested in doing. - SV $5 with any other purchase/TV $10 with any other purchase
  
• Clakit and OneTigris Black MOLLE Phone Holsters - Decent pouches, but I run my kits in OCP or Green. Both have a soft liner inside to protect the phone, and both are pretty decently sized, should hold all but the biggest phones. - SV $20 for both/TV $25 for both
  

KNIVES

• SOLD Boker Magnum Drop Point Automatic Knife - This thing is actually pretty sweet! A classy little discontinued Auto in AUS8 with a good action and great centering. Has a couple minor scuffs, but is overall very clean! Feels great in the hand, and carries well. - SV $25/TV $30
  
• Buck Trio Pocket Knife - Brand new in the box. I'd sent an older discontinued model in for repair, and they replaced it with this one. - SV $15/TV $20
  
• SOLD 4 Pack of Goofy Carabiners - These came as part of a bundle I picked up a while back. They are trying to be Swiss Army Knife carabiners, and all sort-of succeed. I wouldn't trust my life with them, but I would trust my keys, and the tools on them are fairly useful. - SV $15/TV $20
  

MOVIES/TV

• A big HD-DVD Bundle (12 Titles) - This is going to appeal to a VERY specific person, lol. I present to you, a bunch of HD-DVDs! Titles are in the pictures, but some highlights are Apollo 13, Constantine, and U571. All are in good overall shape, but the cover for The Departed is pretty rough. Discs are all in good shape. - SV $30/TV$40
  
• Bundle of Disney Blu-rays (14 titles) - A bundle of newer Disney movies; there's a mix of traditional animated, CG, and live action. All are in great shape, and all include both their blu-ray and DVD, except for Nightmare Before Christmas, which is only the blu-ray. None have any digital codes. - SV $40/TV $45
  
• Hanna-Barbera Complete Series: Speed Buggy and Josie and the Pussycats on DVD - Two DVD collections: the complete series of Speed Buggy and Josie and the Pussycats. Speed Buggy is in great shape, and Josie is still new in package. - SV $15/TV $20
  
• The Magnificent Seven Collection on DVD - A collection of the original 4 Magnificent Seven movies, in a nice DVD boxed set. - SV $5 with any purchase/TV $5 with any purchase
  

VIDEO GAMES

• Skyward Sword (Wii) & Splatoon (WiiU) - Two more classics together. Skyward Sword is in good shape, includes it's manual and soundtrack, and plays on the Wii and WiiU. Splatoon's case is rough, but the game is in great shape! - SV $20/TV$25
  
• Iron Man VR for PS4 - Bought a PSVR recently, and in my frenzy to snatch up games, ended up with two copies of this. It's pretty fun, and as close as you'll get to being Tony Stark this side of the MCU! - SV $10/TV $15
  

TRADE INTERESTS:

• P320/P250 Safariland Level II holster
• A decent minimalist plate carrier in OD or OCP
• Mags (P365, P226, P320/P250, 10/22)
• AR Lower Parts Kit
• NRA National Match type service rifle sling
• A Kershaw Emerson CQC-7B
• Gerber Covert Auto

And, that's all I've got! All prices include shipping, like they should. You must speak up in the comments to call dibs! Once you do, we can switch to PM, and go from there. Thanks for looking!

PTA's pros are that you can stack it quickly thanks to the way your Q works (first target hit in the line counts as a basic attack hit) which gives you more damage on a single target, faster than you'd get it with Conqueror. PTA also has a more lucrative poke pattern for Yone - E in, auto 3 times to get the three hit burst, and you can snap back. If you take Second Wind, Bone Plating, or Taste of Blood, and also use your W (shield) correctly, this USUALLY means you win almost every trade.
Conqueror is better in large scale teamfights because your abilities scale off of the adaptive force that Conqueror gives you. Your W for example doesn't really care if you do 8% more damage with PTA - you're still getting a weaker shield than you otherwise would be getting with Conqueror's adaptive force. But your damage won't ramp up as quickly as it will with PTA - it's only three hits for 8% bonus damage for as long as you're in combat.
At the same time, Yone is a VERY high-risk champion. The little bit of healing you get from a fully stacked Conqueror can be a godsend sometimes. It's not a lot, but it can give Yone just that little bit of sustain that he's otherwise missing as an ultra high risk all-in melee champion.
Overall, my personal opinion is that PTA and Conqueror are overalpping just a little too much. If PTA amplified true damage, then I feel like there would be meaningful differences between Conqueror and PTA. But right now, PTA just does more burst than Conqueror on top of fulfilling that role of providing you a long-term in-combat damage boost. With that said, Conqueror especially when fully stacked will be giving you more than 8% damage in comparison to PTA, in exchange for less burst.
I think the runes are similar enough that you can always just get away with taking Conqueror and ignoring PTA, but you probably want to use PTA more against squishier opponents (like mages in mid) and take Conqueror against the tanks that go top or mid. Conqueror is also more 1v9 than PTA (you'll be able to solo carry 1v9 a game more effectively with the damage and healing from Conqueror than the bit of burst and damage amp from PTA)

I was absolutely convinced (emphasis on 'was') that I was different. I wouldn't fall into the 'credit card' trap and that somehow my use of credit cards allowed me to earn 'cash back' and 'points' and they put me ahead in the game to live the good life, for free! What I thought was frugal and conservative use of credit cards - which I always paid off in full every month - was wise and simply that Dave was wrong.
As a u/DaveRamsey fan of his Youtube videos. . . something he said late in 2023 got me thinking about my use of credit cards in a different way; the 'lack of pain' associated with the use of actual cash and the dopamine hit I got every time I used a credit card for a purchase.
So, since January, I've been running an experiment to see who was right; Dave or me? Here's what I've been doing and even more importantly, what I've learned:

1. I've tracked every single penny I earn for nearly a decade. . . meticulous tracking of income, outgoing, investments, etc... I know where every single penny goes and am a budget maniac. What I was hoping to prove to myself was that I was right and Dave was wrong and I could continue my life of credit card spending after proving how financially adept I was, to myself (insert snarky sarcasm icon, here).
2. I've completed all the Babysteps (not sure if that's truly possible but I'm 100% debt free in every category, am contributing to others, have a completely paid off mortgage and no children (any more) to put through college. I've got a fully funded (9 months - I know, I'm excessive) emergency fund and all of my free cash is in a HYSA earning 5.25% APY. Fully funded 401K, HSA, Roth, etc... I'm fortunate to be in the position I am and I owe a lot of that due to Dave's wise guidance (except for the credit card stuff).
3. I continued to use my credit cards in January, 2024 and tracked everything . . . and I mean EVERYTHING . . . to see what I was using CCs for. At the end of January, I evaluated how much I was spending using CCs to do it (about 65% of my monthly take home) and further, in what categories. To say I was 'stunned' about the amount of frivolous spending I was doing because credit cards are painless, would be a clear understatement.
4. So, in February, I committed to spending no more than 10% of my take home using credit cards (some monthly recurring charges but mostly frivolous spending) and really struggled with not just spending using CCs whenever I wanted to because I paid for all of that stuff with cash or, what really happened, I just didn't buy that stuff (sorry Jeff Bezos)! At the end of February, with 50%-ish more free cash flow available, I invested more aggressively (mostly in the HYSA) and noticed the freedom not using CCs provided me.
5. In March, I moved ALL of my previous CC auto charges onto my bank/cash account and put the CCs on the shelf. I quite literally spent <$150 using CCs (Auto Gas...errrrrrgh) and to my surprise (but I'm sure no one else's) I was able to reduce my frivolous spending to less than 5% of my total take home pay and had - no kidding - even more money to deposit into the HYSA.
   1. At my quarterly financial advisor meeting, he wanted to know where the extra money was coming from and I showed him my budget, talked about my mind set shift and laid out a plan for tracking my new found financial freedom out for the next 5 years. . . HOLY MOLY the results are stunning!
6. In April, I continued my March plan (CCs still alive but sitting on the shelf) and while the results didn't accelerate, I found even more cash flow freedom knowing that if I didn't have the cash, I wasn't going to buy it. Cancelled my Amazon Prime account and a few other 'frivolous spending' things I was doing and saved a bit more. . . nothing significant like February and March, but still; it felt great to continue making progress.
7. Well, now it's May and earlier today, I cut up my credit cards (I admit, I cried a bit :( on the first one) but by the 5th one. . . I was all good. 3 weeks in with the realization that I can't use credit cards, pay everything with real cash or by autopayment from my bank and I think I'm going to like this as my savings and investment portfolio continues to grow and I have a mental tool to reduce frivolous spending.

Not sure why it took me this long to actually learn the lesson, but dang, I'm glad that I have and am now looking for even more things to do to remain debt free (even if for only 21 days at a time) put more money into smart buckets and follow Dave's path. Oh, and the % cash back and free points . . . yeah, they didn't add up to even a month's worth of extra savings that I now have 100% under my control.
The reality is, by following Dave's guidance I'm sleeping better at night (even though I didn't live paycheck-to-paycheck, the mental freedom is pretty great). I'm able to make more of a contribution to my future and that of my community (oh, did you know you can actually buy people's medical debt and clear that for them?), then I did when I thought I was being smart about the use of credit cards.
Lose your credit cards (and run an experiment like the above) and you'll see that they're nothing more than a drug that keeps you in debt. Good luck to everyone on your financial journey!

Contest Rules For Best Song Of The Month • Updated May 19th, 2024

Click here to see summary of changes.

Best Song Of The Month Contest

Music Or Lose It hosts a monthly Best Song Of The Month contest at this musicorloseittv subreddit community. There is no cash or monetary value prize at this time. This contest is simply just for fun. Winners earn the enjoyment of being voted the best. Winners may cite the win in their biographies and social media posts.
The moderator (mod) is available to help music creators with the entry process, eligibility requirements, and deadlines. Music creators are allowed to contact the mod to ask questions about the contest anytime and mod will reply as soon as possible.
Definitions
Music creator: refers to a solo creator, band, group, choir, orchestra, or duo.
Brand identity: refers to how a creator presents themselves as an entertainer making music for the general public. For example, Simon & Garfunkel as a duo is one brand identity. Paul Simon solo is another brand identity.

Process & Deadlines

🟡 Round 1
1) Discovery ◦ Each month, moderator keeps track of songs shared at this musicorloseittv community.
2) Notifying Music Creators ◦ When a likely eligible song is seen, the u/musicorloseittv profile or u/themusicfanman profile will notify the music creator of likely eligibility within the qualifying song’s post. The reply will indicate, “⏳ This song appears eligible for the Best Song Of The Month contest. Please provide the following information…” If the song is confirmed to be eligible by a mod, the mod will make a reply “🟨 This is confirmation notifying you that this song is eligible and in consideration for the Best Song Of The Month contest…” within the qualifying song’s post.
3) Determining Contestants ◦ The Music Fan man will evaluate all eligible songs by the month’s eligibility deadline. He will then at his discretion choose up to 5 songs to compete.
3) Finalists Post ◦ At this musicorloseittv community, the musicorloseittv profile will announce the top finalists (up to 5) in a post tiled “Contest: Best Song Of The Month Finalists (Insert Month & Year).” This announcement will be done in a post made 4 days before the final day of the month. The post will be made sometime in the morning. The songs will be listed within the post in a manner most representative of music diversity as determined by the musicorloseittv profile mod. All songs available on YouTube will be included in a playlist titled “Best Song Of The Month Contestants • (Insert Month & Year)” hosted by the musicorloseittv channel on YouTube. Songs not available on YouTube will be excluded from the playlist. The playlist will be mentioned in this post. The available playlist will help voters get familiar with the songs.
The u/musicorloseittv profile or u/themusicfanman profile will notify the music creators of qualifying for the contest in their post of the song. The reply will indicate, “✅ Congratulations. Your song qualifies for the Best Song Of The Month contest…”
4) Voting ◦ The “Contest: Best Song Of The Month Finalists (Insert Month & Year)” post will specify a duration of 3 consecutive dates during which music fans can vote for only 1 of the top finalists. Voting occurs by the voters making a reply to the post in the following manner: “🗳️ I vote for….” Failing to vote in this manner will result in vote not being counted. To best ensure vote accuracy, voters must not use the “🗳️” emoji anywhere else in the post’s comments section. Music creators may vote for another music creator yet may not vote for themselves. For music creators, it’s “word of honor” voting. The top vote earning song within these three days will become the winner.
‣ Community moderator profiles musicorloseittv and onesongoftheday will abstain from voting. Also, themusicfanman and any special judge involved will also abstain from voting - unless they’re needed to serve as a tie breaker, in the event of a tie preventing a clear winner. If themusicfanman and any special judge involved are needed as a tie breaker, they must come to a consensus to achieve tie breaking. If no special judge is involved, then themusicfanman alone will serve as the tie breaker.
🟢 Winner Declaration!
Declaration Post ◦ At this musicorloseittv community, on the final day of the month, the musicorloseittv profile will announce the winner in a post tiled “Congratulations! 🎉 Best Song Of The Month Winner (Insert Month & Year)” in a post dedicated to celebrating the song. Using the sticky-post feature, the post will be prominently displayed the home page of the musicorloseittv subreddit community for ≈ 24 hours.
Achievement ◦ The contest winner may promote their song as:
My song “Song Title” won:
🏅Best Song Of The Month By Community Vote
(Insert Month & Year)
At The Music Or Lose It Community
The winner may promote themselves and the song as the winner at venues like X/Twitter, Facebook, Threads, or their YouTube channel’s Community feed. The winner may also cite the win in their biographies online including their personal website.
🏆 Song Of The Year
A similar Song Of The Year vote will occur in December. It will be similarly organized and scheduled to conclude on the final day of the year. To determine a Song Of The Year by the end of the year, December’s monthly contest will only be ≈ 2 weeks. Why? Because we need time to conclude The Song Of The Year vote by the end of the year. Additionally, this is a busy time of year for many people. What’s more, non-Christmas music released in December is typically overshadowed by Christmas music. It seems to be a bad idea to release new-original music in late December. See opinion commentary: The Best And Worst Months To Release Music.
Achievement ◦ The contest winner may promote their song as:
🏆 Best Song Of The Year By Community Vote
(Insert Year)
At The Music Or Lose It Community
The winner may promote themselves and the song as the winner at venues like X/Twitter, Facebook, Threads, or their YouTube channel’s Community feed. The winner may also cite the win in their biographies online including their personal website.

Eligibility

Here are the rules for the Best Song Of The Month contest organized by Music Or Lose It just for fun. The eligibility rules are intended to make this contest as fair as possible to the music creator participants.
**👤 Personal: **
Requirements:
✔️ Must be an actual human.
✔️ Must be 17 years of age or older.
✔️ Must be a music creator abiding by the rules of this musicorloseittv subreddit community.
✔️ Must be a music creator posting using either your personal profile or your brand profile as a music entertainer.
Ineligible:
🚫 Profiles run by publicists, music labels, or channels hosting performers.
🚫 People posing as other humans using imitation avatar type creations by artificial intelligence (AI).
**🗿 Music creator’s stature status: **
Eligible:
✔️ Unsigned amateur or unsigned professional yet lesser known.
✔️ Lesser known music creators who have not yet achieved two different songs with over 500,000 views/listens and are signed to deals with small to medium-sized record companies or seeming one-song-per-time type distributors.
✔️ Lesser known music creators who have not yet achieved two different songs with over 500,000 views/listens and are signed to deals with to a major label.
**📅 Release date: **
Eligible:
✔️ Your song must be published and accessible to the masses anytime between November 15^th of the prior year and 5 days before the final day of the current month.
**💽 Songwriting, singing, & recording: **
Requirements:
✔️ You must be the copyright owner of the song (lyrics and sound recording) or authorized/licensed to perform the song by the copyright owner as the first original performer.
✔️ An exception is made if your song is an authorized/licensed remix or includes authorized/licensed interpolation or sampling content by the copyright owner in collaboration with any other amateur music creator(s) or unsigned professional yet lesser known music creator(s). The aforementioned release date also applies to any remix, interpolation, or sampling content.
✔️ Collaborations within the aforementioned rules are allowed so long as the song is entered into the contest by the lead. Lead refers to the first person named in the collaboration.
Ineligible:
🚫 Copyright/trademark violations.
🚫 Songs written by artificial intelligence (AI).
🚫 Songs primarily generated artificial intelligence (AI).
🚫 Cover, parody, nor artificial intelligence (AI) imitation.
🚫 Songs likely to be very divisive for political or religious/anti-religious reasons.
🚫 Collaborations within deceased music creators akin to “Unforgettable” by Natalie Cole featuring Nat "King" Cole.
🚫 Interpolations, remixes, or samplings of a song by a creator signed to a record company of any size or signed to a one-song-per-time type distributor.
🚫 Song with hard cussing. No variations of F word, S word, C word, D word, N word (er or a), ahole word(s), or sexually vulgar words.
🚫 Extremely sexual, gang promoting, violent, or especially scary/gory/maleficent/evil aesthetic content.
🚫 Songs primarily about brands. For example: “I Love Driving Such-And-Such Brand Name Trucks.”
**👂 Recording quality: **
Allowed:
✔️ Professional quality recordings (live or studio).
✔️ Amateur quality (including songs record in a bedroom, car, outdoors, etc…) yet reasonably pleasant sounding.
✔️ Demos are welcome.
Ineligible:
🚫 Live records with too much interfering audience noise.
🚫 Recordings with excessively poor sound quality (abrasive on the ears, difficult to hear).
**📏 Song length: **
Requirement:
✔️ Minimum of 01:15 minutes up to 10:00 minutes.
**💻 Distribution venues: **
Requirements:
✔️ A song published and accessible to the general public masses at a well-known music website such as YouTube, SoundCloud, or Bandcamp.
✔️ A song uploaded to a channel hosting live performances is allowed so long as the song is entered into the contest directly by the creator and so long as the creator confirms permission by the channel. Confirmation can be done in either your original upload URL link source or at this community within your posts’ body-text section or a reply to the post.
✔️ The song’s upload date must be visible at the distribution venue website.
⚠️ If you enter this contest with a Spotify or TikTok URL link, ensure you’ve provided a link for the entire song (not a teasesampler) in a manner that does not require login; ensure the publish date is visible; and be weary of looping flashing visuals necessitating a “⚠️Possible Seizure Trigger Risk Warning.” Failing to do this will result in ineligibility.
Ineligible:
🚫 Login required to access the song.
🚫 Payment required to access the song.
🚫 Uploads of songs directly to Reddit.
🚫 Links not fully available to the public such as an “unlisted” YouTube video.
**🖼️ Song’s artwork: **
Definition: artwork refers to the image/drawing/photo/visuals accompanying your individual song at a music distribution venue such as YouTube, SoundCloud, or Bandcamp. It is sometimes referred to as “cover art.”
Requirements:
✔️ You must be the original creator of the song’s accompanying artwork.
✔️ Alternatively, you must be the copyright owner of the artwork if you paid to have it made. Otherwise you must be authorized/licensed to publish the artwork as part of the presentation of your song.
✔️ Artwork primarily generated by artificial intelligence (AI) is allowed so long as you are authorized/licensed by the AI source to publish the artwork as part of your song’s public presentation. However this is advised against because public sentiment may be hostile towards AI generated content.
✔️ If your song’s artwork uses aspects of copyrighted, creative commons, or “free” material content, you must confirm you’ve got authorization/licensing to use the content as part of your song’s public presentation. Confirmation can be done in either your original upload URL link source or at this community within your posts’ body-text section or a reply to the post.
✔️ Your own logo that you own the copyright to may be displayed in the song’s accompanying artwork (including on a person wearing a hat or T-shirt).
Ineligible:
🚫 Copyright/trademark violations.
🚫 Parody notably displayed in the artwork.
🚫 Visible logos of any brand other than your own logo as a music entertainer.
🚫 Extremely sexual, gang promoting, violent, or especially scary/gory/maleficent/evil aesthetic content.
**🎥 Song’s music video (optional): **
Including a link to a music video is optional.
Requirements:
✔️ You must be the original creator of the song’s music video visuals including: animation; moving graphics; prominently featured still artwork or photos.
✔️ Alternatively, you must be the copyright owner of all the video’s visuals if you paid to have them made. Otherwise you must be authorized/licensed to publish all the video’s visuals as part of the presentation of your song’s accompanying music video.
✔️ Visuals (including: animation; moving graphics; prominently featured still artwork or photos) primarily generated by artificial intelligence (AI) are allowed so long as you are authorized/licensed by the AI source to publish the artwork as part of your song’s public presentation. However this is advised against because public sentiment may be hostile towards AI generated content.
✔️ If your song’s accompanying music video uses aspects of copyrighted, creative commons or “free” material, you must confirm you’ve got authorization/licensing to use the copyrighted material as part of your song’s public presentation within the accompanying music video. Confirmation can be done in either your original upload URL link source or at this community within your posts’ body-text section or a reply to the post.
✔️ Your own logo that you own the copyright to may be displayed in the video (including on a person wearing a hat or T-shirt).
✔️ Allowed music videos include “Official Music Video,” “Live Performance,” “Dance Video Version,” “Animated Video,” or “Lyrics Video.”
✔️ If you opt for an “Animated Video” or a “Lyrics Video,” you must be authorized/licensed to publish all the video’s visuals as part of the presentation of your song’s accompanying music video. If you hire an animator or use AI or an app/software designed to create music video lyrics, you must be authorized/licensed by the animator or AI source or app/software creator to publish the animation and/or lyrics as part of the presentation of your song’s accompanying music video.
✔️ If you opt for a “Dance Video Version,” the dancing and/or choreography must be originally created for your song’s accompanying music video. If you hire a choreographer and/or dancers or collaborate for free or for barter, you must be authorized/licensed by the choreographer and/or dancers to publish the video’s dancing/choreography visuals as part of the presentation of your song’s accompanying music video.
✔️ “Official Audio” type music videos are allowed so long as an accompanying still image complies with the aforementioned “Song’s artwork” rules. Alternatively, if the “Official Audio” music videos has moving visuals, it must comply with these above-mentioned “Song’s music video” rules.
✔️ “Live Performance” music videos may be made from your home/cafield (pretty much anywhere decent and reasonable) or from one of your well-recorded performances from a show. Be sure to avoid copyright and trademark violations in the video.
⚠️ Brief uses of music distribution venue logos at the end or start of a music video may be allowed at mod’s discretion, when the intent is to inform the viewer of venue availability of the song. This is however discouraged unless the distribution venue, at their website, specifies this is allowed. Music videos that display any trademark logos (other than the music creator’s own copyrighted logo) entirely throughout are ineligible.
Ineligible:
🚫 Copyright/trademark violations.
🚫 Notable use of virtual reality program recordings.
🚫 Notable use of filters from apps/websites similar to Snapchat.
🚫 Parody of intellectual property characters prominently displayed in the video.
🚫 Notably visible logos of any brand other than your own logo as a music entertainer.
🚫 Notable display of brand products with visible logos including but not limited to toys, stuffed animals, autos, hats, T-Shirts.
🚫 Extremely sexual, gang promoting, violent, or especially scary/gory/maleficent/evil aesthetic content.
🚫 Limitations on involving minors (under 18 yo): no minors doing dangerous stunts; no depictions of minors participating in drugs/drinking/smoking or very sexual behavior (including sexual dancing); do not prominently feature children that are not your own in the video (exception may be made if a relative only allows you to involve their children).
⚖️ Quantities:
Requirements:
✔️ One song per music creator’s brand identity.
✔️ If a music creator uploads more than one of their brands’ potentially eligible songs, the music creator must inform mod which song they prefer to be included in the contest.
✔️ A music creator may win this Song Of The Month contest up to three consecutive times. If this happens, thereafter the creator must abstain from the contest for the next month and then may return to the contest after that 1-month eligibility hiatus.
Ineligible:
🚫 Every collaboration will not automatically be considered a new brand. For example, Robert Plant and Alison Krauss collaborating one time should not be considered a brand. Robert Plant & Alison Krauss making an entire album together should be considered a brand. Music creators attempting to enter multiple songs under multiple brand names will be scrutinized. If there is no social media presence for any additional brands, their songs will likely be rejected as “also eligible” by mods. If this happens, the music creator will have to enter only 1 song.
**🖱️ Accounts you may post from: **
Requirements:
✔️ Your post must be made directly from either your personal Reddit account profile or your brand’s Reddit account profile.
✔️ If you have a medical condition necessitating aid, on your behalf, you may appoint a publicist, manager, caretaker, helper, spouse, partner, friend, guardian, or family member to post from either your personal Reddit account profile or your brand’s Reddit account profile.
✔️ If your song is from a band, group, choir, orchestra, or duo brand, the post must be made directly from either from one of the members’ personal Reddit account profiles or from your brand’s Reddit account profile.
✔️ If your song is collaboration, the post must be made directly from either the lead’s personal Reddit account profile or from the lead’s brand Reddit account profile.
✔️ If you want another song to be a part of the contest from another brand identity you are involved with, the song must be posted by a Reddit account profile for that separate brand – or one of the brand collaborators’ personal Reddit account profile.
👩🏾‍🏫 Presentation at this musicorloseittv community:
Requirements:
✔️ You must post a link to the song at this musicorloseittv community by tapping “+” on smartphone or clicking “+Create a post” on desktop/laptop. You must select the “My Song” flair.
✔️ Your post must be done by the “Title & Link Share Only method.”
✔️ The song’s URL you provide must be of the standalone song upload - not part of a playlist URL link.
✔️ You may post an audio only upload URL link (such as an individual song published at SoundCloud or Bandcamp). Alternatively, you may post a music video link from a venue like YouTube.
✔️ You may include a smartlink for the individual song (not album or playlist) within your posts’ body-text section or a reply to the post.
✔️ You may title the post whatever you want within the community’s rules and the contest’s rules. Remember: no vague titles; limit post title emojis to no more than 2 (if you decide to use them); and don’t request feedback.
✔️ Your post title may be done in the style of “Entertainer - Song Tile” (or something similar). Alternatively, the post title may be more elaborate. For example: “This Is My Latest Song. It’s About A Wonderful Time I Fell In Love.”
✔️ In your posts’ body-text section or in a reply comment, optionally you may share details about the song that you feel the audience would enjoy knowing.
**📝 Needed information: **
Requirements:
✔️ Within either your posts’ body-text section or within a reply comment at your post, provide the following information – as is:
❇️ Contest entry for your consideration:
• Entertainer's Name - Song Title:
• Published on: [Insert date & year. Refers to date published at your URL link source]
• Genre:
• I am an independent creator unsigned I am signed to [insert label name]
• Interpolations/remixes/samplings disclosure: N/A this song contains authorized/licensed interpolations/remixes/samplings [specify] of another song released since 11/15 of the prior year in collaboration with other unsigned music creator(s)[specify]. The link to the original song is [insert URL link – publish date from URL link source must be visible].
• Al disclosure: N/A. A portion of this [song/artwork/music video] is created by Al. Explanation: [specify if this applies to song/artwork/music video].
• Copyright disclosure for song: I confirm I’m the copyright owner of all the contents of this song (lyrics and recording) as it is presented including the artwork [(if applicable) and music video]
Copyrighted content I am authorized/licensed to use commercially in the promotion of my song include: [insert details]
• [optional/voluntary] Confirmation of substantial human involvement: A real human substantially arranged/compose this music. [Note: This type disclosure is strongly encouraged by creators who use instrument sounds and beats from apps/software in substation of instruments played live at the time of recording. This is especially encouraged for music creators who do not show their face and/or don’t show themselves creating the music in a music video or behind the scenes video. For music fans opposed to music primarily created by AI, this type of disclosure can be helpful and assuring.]
• Lyrics: [insert URL link or embed URL link into “Lyrics” text] [note if the lyrics are available at the upload source] [only if you're the copyright owner of the lyrics, you may entirely include them] [type “vocalized” or “instrumental” if applicable]
Ineligible:
🚫 Uploads of songs to Reddit.
🚫 No engagement pleas disguised as feedback requests in post titles nor in your posts’ body-text section. No feedback requests.
**👨🏼‍⚖️ Copyright/trademark compliance: **
‣ Important note: Aforementioned rules already state you either must be the copyright owner of the content you enter for this contest or you must be authorized/licensed to commercially use the content by the copyright owner. Aforementioned rules already state you must disclose use of copyrighted, creative commons, or “free” material. Mods reserve the right to ask for additional proof for confirmation. Suspected violations will be removed at mod’s discretion. You are strongly encouraged to upload your best, newest, utmost original content.
‣ Resources:
U.S. Copyright Office, Copyright in General https://www.copyright.gov/help/faq/faq-general.html
What Musicians Should Know about Copyright by U.S. Copyright Office https://www.copyright.gov/engage/musicians
U.S. Copyright Office Fair Use Index by U.S. Copyright Office https://www.copyright.gov/fair-use
**🤝 Mutual Support **
Requirements:
✔️ You must be active in the musicorloseittv community regarding mutual support and engagement with other posts. You must post a comment reply to at least two other posts of any kind at the musicorloseittv community before the final day of the month. Failing to do so will result in disqualification.
Ineligible:
🚫 Posting then ghosting the community.
**😎👍 Encouraging fans to vote: **
Ineligible:
🚫 You are not allowed to ask for votes in anywhere in the musicorloseittv community’s comments section.
🚫 Music creators may not offer anything to anyone whatsoever in exchange for voting for them.
Allowed:
✔️ If you see a music fan has voted for you, you may thank them in a reply comment.
✔️ You may make social media posts at venues like X/Twitter, Facebook, Threads or your YouTube channel’s Community feed to encourage your fans to join this musicorloseittv subreddit community and vote for your song.
Example post:
My song “Song Title” is a finalist for Best Song Of The Month at the musicorloseittv community at Reddit. At [insert URL link] please vote for me and my song. Thank you.
**📜 Rules adherence: **
‣ Important note: If you are new to the musicorloseittv community as either a music fan voting or music creator entering the contest, latitude may be given as you get familiar here. It’s up to mod’s discretion.
‣ Important note: This contest is just for fun. Likewise playing boardgames or cards with friends is also just for fun yet people expect rules to be followed.
**🕊️ Truthfulness: **
Requirements:
✔️ Contestants and voters are expected to behave honorably and ethically.
Ineligible:
🚫 If anyone is ever discovered cheating or being dishonest akin to author James Frey or music entertainers Milli Vanilli, they will be disqualified and also likely be banned from this community.
Additional Info
If you do not want to be in the contest yet want to continue sharing your songs in this community, it is totally ok. Please inform the moderator. A “Message the mods” option is at the homepage.
In circumstances where uncertainty arises due to an unforeseen issue not addressed here in this outline of rules, moderators reserve the right to approve or disapprove eligibility. Moderators reserve the right to disqualify any song for any reason. Unfortunately, not every contest can perfectly satisfy all participant hopefuls.
Just do your best, don’t take it too seriously, and have fun.
Thank you.
END

I (f19) and my ex boyfriend (m19) dated for about 2 years. Throughout our whole relationship there was always some issues, like all relationships have, but as time went on there would be times when everything was amazing, and then there would be periods on time when it seemed like everything I did upset him and I was always doing something wrong. He always had a lot of trust issues with me, even though I never gave him any reason to not trust me, he just was never able to fully trust that I wasn’t cheating on him, wasn’t looking for another guy, wasn’t thinking about how much hotter other men were, things like that. Anytime I went to work he asked about every conversation I had with another male and what every little thing we talked about was. He basically could be the only male in my life or he thought something fishy was going on. He would always get mad at me for the smallest things especially near the end. What lead me to break up with him was that I felt like I never made him happy, every day, multiple times a day there was always something that I did that would make him upset. I just felt like I was always making the wrong decisions. He also didn’t let me fully be who I was because he wasn’t accepting of the things I like and wanted to do. It was hard being myself when he didn’t like who I was so much. I was also made guilty for everything that happened. I started hanging out with a group a friends and he made me feel guilty that I liked spending time with them, and that I liked having friends. If there were times I wasn’t in THE MOOD to do something he would get sad and turn away and make me feel guilty that I didn’t want to. Whenever I would try to voice my concerns about our relationship he would turn it on me and make me feel like the bad guy, or would get defensive and get mad at me that I felt a certain way. I was sick of feeling like a terrible person all the time for reasons I should not have, so I broke it off and he started realizing that things he was doing weren’t that good. For a bit it seemed like he could change and get better.
A little bit before I broke up with him, I met this guy from the group of friends I would hangout with, he kind of popped up out of no where and was treating me better than my own boyfriend, he liked me for who I was, he showed me what being accepted felt like, what not getting upset for silly things felt like, it was just a whole new world and it was a little relieving to have around. After we broke up I made some decisions that weren’t my best decisions. My ex boyfriend and I were saying that we could work on us again after we have been alone for a bit and he works on himself. I ended up cuddling with this guy and kissed him once. My ex would ask me if I had done anything with said friend and I was so scared that I lied and I said no. I ended up lying a lot and I regret every single one. I’m not perfect and I’m going to make mistakes and I am certainly not proud of how I handled that situation. Recently my ex went through my phone without me knowing and saw that some things were going on with my friend and he got very upset with me. Which I totally understand I lied and said nothing was happening. He hates me so much he keeps telling me how terrible of a person I am and “fuck you” and just keeps rubbing it in that I hurt him. I know I did he doesn’t need to keep putting salt in the wound. I e apologized which I know isn’t going to make it better, but I’m learning from all of this and I really am going to be alone and work on myself for a while. I’ve never felt worse about myself, I’ve gotten low points in my life but I have never been this low. It doesn’t make it easier when I keep getting told how awful I am and all the shitty things I did.
My ex is telling me that in order for him to not block me I have to cut this friend out of my life for good. It was weird feeling so accepted and loved by someone, it was weird not fighting and getting “in trouble” over small things. It was weird feeling like I actually made someone happy to be around me. I was just getting all confused when a guy came in and was being better than my own boyfriend was. I feel so stuck because with this friend it feels so much more freeing and he’s said he will always cheer me on no matter what, and that he likes me for me and he doesn’t expect me to change for anyone. He’s always going to stay by my side and always makes me feel good about myself. But then there’s my first love, I love him so much and I would love to see things work out between us but the cycle of things I was put in with him were not healthy for me. It was a very manipulative relationship and I would have to cut my friend out which might result in me losing all of my friends.

i say seems because it does feel weird but i guess i don’t fully grasp it until i tell my family about it and they say it’s not okay. idk if i minimize it internally or what.
but anyway for context i am a 21 year old man. my manager and coworkers i work directly with are all 50+, all women. there are other employees as well who are not like this but i don’t work directly with them. but basically one of the people i don’t work directly with is a woman as well, she’s a few years older than me and for whatever reason my coworkers all think we’re in love or something. really she’s just the only person there who is normal and we are friends.
they always say wildly inappropriate things. like i got a tattoo on my outer thigh and there was a conversation leading up to this but essentially one said that the girl would’ve liked if i pulled my pants down to show her.
they all say stuff like we’re gonna get married or that we’re flirting with each other all the time. and today i had the day off and my manager was talking with a coworker and then my friend. my friend told me about it right after but since i wasn’t there i don’t know exactly what happened or what was said but apparently they somehow got on the topic of me working out and my coworker said that i showed her my biceps and told her to feel them and she told them they were as hard as rocks. this never happened. never have i shown her my biceps or even talked about them. like yeah i know that can be considered a compliment but it feels so weird that she would just make that up and tell other people that? like wtf.
idk it just makes me wonder what kinda disgusting shit they say when i’m not there and when my friend isn’t there to tell me what was said. and there have been so many times they have said stuff about me and her when she isn’t there and i immediately text her because it just feels so wrong. to talk about someone behind their back period, but especially given the type of stuff the say and the fact that i’m the only young male there and they are all older women. i’m not saying it would be okay if i was older or they were younger or they were men. idk it is wrong no matter what
i don’t even wanna go to hr because they are garbage. i have seen it firsthand they would do a whole investigation to say they found nothing or they would just transfer me to a different location instead of addressing the problem. i’m looking at other jobs for this reason along with other personal reasons but i am having trouble finding something that seems like a good fit. i haven’t been looking for long tho.
idk if i’m posting this for advice or just to vent or what. or just to tell a story. idk. thanks for reading if anyone actually did read this

**WARNING** long post. Feel free to skip the background information if need be
BACKGROUND:
I am a software engineer at a major bank. Relative to my counterparts on my team, I am the "most junior", but I have three years of experience. This is important to know as it may offer some insight to our team culture. I landed this job in November 2023 and was placed with my team in January 2024. The team consisted of two women, including myself and five men. I work at our NYC office with three of the other men, one of which is our team lead, let's call him Anderson. The other woman coworker lives in FL and the other two men are in India. I am the only black person on the team, and the rest of my coworkers are of Indian descent. This, too, is important to note.
From day 1, I was intentionally assigned low level administrative tasks while my coworkers were purposefully trained and briefed on other, technical tasks. The first week with my team, I mentioned to my team lead that I felt it important to learn the technical tasks that my teammates were learning, even if these technical tasks were not going to be my responsibility, because there would not be anyone to take on the technical tasks if someone was on vacation. My team lead told me to focus on the work he assigned to me.
Still determined to learn the technical tasks, I scheduled trainings with my offshore counterpart so that he would train me instead. This meant that I had to sign in to work after hours to be trained. I was now trained on what my "work buddy" knew, but still not fully trained on what the rest of the team knew how to do. Suddenly (not suddenly), my other woman coworker, let's call her Sandra, went on maternity leave and I was assigned her work. My team lead expressed his frustration with me not knowing how to do her job, and told me to figure out how to learn the things she was doing.
What is interesting to point out here is that during the first few weeks on the team, my team lead would assign our other senior engineer to train Sandra and answer all questions that she had. I was not granted this opportunity. Instead, my Slack messages went unanswered (I have all of this documented) when I had questions and after another two weeks, my team lead quietly reassigned Sandra's work from me to another senior engineer instead. He never explained why he did this, or gave me feedback on the work I was doing.
As the weeks went by, my team lead called me into a meeting to gauge my knowledge on querying our databases. He asked me to find a few items, which I could not find because for one, I had NEVER interacted with the databases before, and for two, I had no understanding of the database architecture or the data flow for our app. Nevertheless, I decided to ask clarifying questions to help me better understand the data so that I could write appropriate queries. My team lead responded to this with yelling "you are an engineer and you don't even know SQL", to which I responded that my knowledge of SQL was sufficient (part of my technical interview was based on writing complex queries), but I needed to understand exactly what he wanted me to find. He ended the meeting and never followed up on the information he was looking for. I still do not know what task, if any, that he was trying to assign to me.
I decided to follow up with him and explain to him that I could sense his frustration, and I asked him to define clear expectations for me and the team, and provide official training that focused on our application architecture and other technical areas that we needed to focus on. He told me that no amount of training would fix the "fact" that I did not know SQL and that it is the team members' job to train themselves.
Nevertheless, after that meeting, he assigned me with handling all onboarding for new projects moving forward. I have taken the liberty of advocating for my team members to ensure that we are all properly trained and provided with ALL resources needed to do our job well. Since then, the team, and myself has expressed more confidence in our ability to do our work. We are even at a point where senior team members reach out to me when they cannot find resources and either ask me to provide documentation, or ask me to reach out to other engineers to schedule meetings to provide trainings. Here is where I am concerned that I might be experiencing hostility at work. Please provide objective feedback and even constructive criticism if need be:
MAIN POINTS:
-my team lead uses language in his interactions with me that creates a false narrative. For example, he accuses me of "not caring" about my job, not "being collaborative", and not paying attention. One example is where I was tasked with migrating a google guice project to springboot. We had four weeks to get the work done and each week during standup, I brought up to my team lead my plans to make changes to the service. Each time, he would redirect my attention to administrative tasks. The third week of the sprint, literally in the middle of a Slack conversation of me telling my team lead that I planned on making some code changes and him instead telling me to do something else, our senior manager called a meeting with the team and yelled at my team lead for not getting any work done related to the code refactoring. After the meeting, my team lead followed up with me and berated me for not having work done. This is all documented in Slack and I remember being very confused as he had literally told me to do other tasks. As a result, my team lead removed me from the code refactoring project and used this to further justify his belief that I do "not care" about the work. Keep in mind that these interactions are documented.
-my team lead constantly verbally berates me in my interactions with him. One example is when I was typing up a document on a zoom call and I was sharing my screen with him. He kept rushing me and was saying things like "come on man I have other things to do", "ughhh hurry up", "you need to move fast!". Two things here: he yelled at me for moving fast because he said he could not see what I was clicking on when I moved fast. Then he yelled at me when I slowed down. There was one time he yelled at me for clicking a back button instead of the home button on the screen...he told me that I was not listening to him or paying attention...I am confused by this because the point of his instruction was for me to return to the home screen. There was another time where I misspelled a word in the middle of him berating me, and then he berated me even more for misspelling the word...
-my team lead has unclear expectations and gets angry at me when I do not do things he wants me to do. One example is when he wanted me to watch a 40 minute training video, summarize the points in the video, and schedule a follow up training with the person who lead the training so that the team (me) could ask questions. He asked me to get this done within an hour. He also wanted me to upload some recordings to Sharepoint. But this task was just another task to complete and not time-sensitive. After the call, I watched the video and made a summary and got back to him with an update in 45 minutes instead of the hour. He responded to my message 20 minutes after I wrote him by hopping on a call with me and yelled at me for not having the videos uploaded. Again, he accused me of "not caring" about my job. When I explained to him that the videos were not uploaded because I was focusing on the other, time sensitive task, he said that that task was not as important as having the videos uploaded and "people" were asking him about the videos in the Sharepoint space....this was a lie because it has been a week and the only person who accessed the uploaded videos was...you guessed it...me :)
-my team lead just berates me in general. He berated me for collaborating with a team member to explore a new internal application. He said that there was no need to get on zoom with the coworker because we should have already known everything...the app was new and I was the only one who understood how to navigate it after exploring it with the team member...oh...need I mention that he then asked me to train the other team members on the new app's UI next week?
-my team lead expressed his frustration at not having access to certain resources when I was on bereavement.The documentation was incomplete and I had to take a sudden leave due to a death in the family. Upon my return, he asked for the documentation and said that he find an "excuse" to tell his manager as to why the documentation was incomplete and that I was "on vacation"
-my team lead "warns" me not to "disappoint" him when he assigns me with tasks. When I ask him to define what a "disappointment" is and for us to agree on what is acceptable, he ignores me.
-my team lead tells me that "people" ask questions about my work and one day he is going to make our department head "deal" with me. The department head is known for being a hot head who yells at people. But he (department head)has NEVER yelled at me in any interaction I had with him, no matter how frustrated he may have been.
I want to make an important note here that my team lead does NOT speak to other people like this and he ONLY does this over zoom. I work 3x days in office and on the days where he speaks to me in person, he does not even make eye contact with me and he speaks so soft I can barely hear him sometimes. My team lead has never provided any feedback on my work. As a matter of fact, he uses my documentation and my explanation of technical tasks as if they were his own.
I am considering taking my concerns to our senior manager, who apparently is a well respected, "big boss" at work, but also MY direct manager and I happen to have a great relationship with him. I want to be as objective as possible in my complaint but in the meantime, I would like to explore areas where maybe I can improve to minimize my team lead's verbal assaults on me

Timestamp: https://imgur.com/a/bx8GD0L
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Hi everyone,
I wanted to share my recent experience with leveraging LinkedIn to get users for my SaaS product, AutoSWE, which automates job applications for entry-level software engineers. Here's a quick breakdown of the results from my LinkedIn post:

• 5000 Impressions
• 180 Clicks
• 50 Sign-ups
• 25 Fully Setup Accounts
• 5 Free Trial Users
• 0 Paid Users

How I Did It:

1. Leveraged My Network: My LinkedIn network consists mostly of my ideal customer profile (ICP)—entry-level software engineers and recent grads. By crafting a targeted and compelling post, I was able to gain some traction within my network. I'm also a fan of how LinkedIn spreads posts, if you can get reactions and some shares your post can start to spread really quickly.
2. Engaging Content: The post focused on the pain points of job searching, told a story, and wrapped up with how AutoSWE solves the problem. I included a call-to-action (CTA) that prompted users to check out the platform.
3. Personal Touch: I recalled my own new grad job search and showed how my own struggles led me to build this platform. I believe this created a sense of connection and trust.

Current Marketing Efforts:

Right now, I'm actively commenting and messaging in subreddits where my ICP is present. I'm also sending cold messages, follow-ups, and connection requests on LinkedIn. Here’s an example of a cold message I sent to a user on Reddit:

Seeking Feedback and Advice:

Despite these efforts, I'm finding it rare to get feedback from my messages, and when I do, it's generally a quick "I'll check it out" with no further engagement. I believe it's a matter of getting more repetitions in before I can start to analyze too far, but I'm not seeing much success so far.
I'd love to open up a discussion on marketing tips:

• Do you have any suggestions on improving my cold outreach?
• What strategies have worked for you in similar situations?
• Should I keep on the same path for a bit longer, or is it time to switch up my approach?

Looking forward to your feedback and advice!

So, this is going to be long winded. I don’t have anyone in my life I can comfortably talk to about this, so I’m just going to get it all out here. I met my ex about 5 years ago, we dated for a bit over a year and a half overall. At first things were pretty great, honestly have never felt so into someone before or since then. We got along, had amazing conversations, and overall, we just really clicked. Unfortunately, her ex-boyfriend was harassing both of us during all of this which was stressful for obvious reasons. He was abusive to her when they were dating, definitely not a good dude. It didn’t ruin things for us though, we just went along and dealt with it when we had to. Usually it was just an occasional message from him saying stupid shit or something like that, nothing super horrible. After maybe 8 or so months, I found out she cheated on me with that ex. Nothing physical but the conversations they had were personal. Looking back on everything, it seems it had a lot to do with aforementioned abuse, nothing continued between them after me and her broke up. Several months after, we saw each other in public and talked a bit, then we hung out with mutual friends together. We hung out alone after that, and eventually rekindled our relationship. We went on for a while after that, I felt okay about things for a while, but eventually the thoughts about what happened inserted themselves into my mind more and more. It became unbearable, and to preserve my as much as I could, I left. I don’t think I explained my perspective on things very well when it all happened, and immediately tried to cope and fill the void in me with relationships, they never lasted, and only made my life messier. I’ve spent a lot of time over the last several years being more mindful, and trying to heal from various things. Generally, I’m just trying to be a better person overall. Lots of areas of my life have been drastically improved thankfully. I am a busy guy travel a good amount and have a job I enjoy. However, I CANNOT stop thinking about my ex and our relationship. I have thought every thought i could ever have about it. I am not upset at her, I understand what I should have done differently on my side. I forgive her (for real this time) and look at her side with more understanding. Lots of these things came with time and healing more from the experience. I worked on many things with my therapist. But for the life of me I cannot stop thinking about her and our relationship, I can’t help but miss her. In relationships since then, I can’t help but think of her. It makes me feel like a real piece of shit. I have accepted and know fully that we will not be getting back together, she has her own life she is living, and I’m not going to selfishly interrupt her life in any way. I genuinely wish I could let go and continue with my life.
Because of all this, I feel like a weirdo and creepy. Even though I’m not inserting myself into her life, it just makes me feel like I’m somehow doing something wrong thinking about her as much as I do.
All of this has also made dating difficult for obvious reasons.
Anyways. I’m not expecting any solutions but this has been very hard to deal with the last several years so I needed to get it off of my chest.

I have been on a relationship for almost 6 months and It's been hard, like really hard to me. I'm a guy who's always liked romantic and cute relationships, I'm that kind of guy who likes cuddles and cute jokes and that I don't have to be the one to start the affection. But I've noticed that my partner is not like that. She is very dry with me sometimes, and I don't judge her, I mean she does makes me feel that she loves me a lot, but in some other dry way, and I have tried to understand her for so long, I have even tried to limit my self with the physical affection because she'd told me that it was hard to her to give me back all the physical affection. I have tried to tell her that sometimes I need to be shown that kind of love, sometimes I need to receive a message saying that she loves me and how she like some things about me without being the one to start or without any reason in particular. Sometimes I would like to get a hug from her, a kiss, even some compliment and she does gives me hugs and kisses but it feels forced, because its either because I started doing it or because she feels like I'm quiet. I am someone who thinks that being and sharing how you feel is crucial to have good communication so I told her how I feel in a non-claiming way, but she just got mad at me, she said that she wanted me to spend more time with her, so I did it, I started doing 1 or two hour calls every day of the week, plus the time we get to spend at school. But still, sometimes when I got romantic and texted her some cute messages she'd ignore them, one day I freaked out and I told her that it was hard to me because I didn't know how to treat her, with or without being that romantic guy, and I told her that I also needed to feel good about our relationship, and she said the same, she said that she feel ignored, that even with all the calls she thinks that Im doing them with bad desire. I don't get it, really, I always text her, call her, send her PARAGRPAHS of text saying how much I love her and I spend our time in person giving her affection while keeping the conversation and listening to her. I really don't know what to do, she says that she tries to give me that affection but as much as I want to appreciate her effort it's just not enough, I feel like I'm giving way more than I'm receiving but at the same time I just love her, and I get that she tries and she loves me, maybe not as much as I do but still, I love her and I even asked her what kind of relationship she wanted and she said exactly the same I am aimbing for us. I don't want to break up with her, but, what else can I do to feel and get a relationship where I feel fully loved and rewarded equally to my effort.

I 21F and my bf 21M have been together for a year. I found a polaroid in my bf’s wallet of him and his ex. A month prior the topic of the Polaroid had come up because he pulled it out of his wallet while trying to get out a card. I asked to see it and he said no because it was a group photo and one of the people in the photos was someone he used to talk to but he kept the photo because he had fond memories with said group. Which is fair for me because I don’t show him my ex so I don’t expect him to do the same. Anyways, today I got a bit curious and looked in his wallet and it wasn’t a group photo, rather a couple selfie with his ex. I want it to be clear that it’s not he has a picture with her but the fact he lied and made a backstory to it. To add further context, we’ve been having some issues and for the sake of getting objective advice, I will list a time line of events.
Feb- He was visiting me (we’ve been long distance until mid March) and I got this feeling to search his phone. So while he was sleeping or so as I thought, I went through his phone. I found that a month prior he had downloaded tinder and found messages between him and an ex stating that he missed her lips, both sets. He caught me going through his phone and he stated that he had downloaded tinder due to a email notification and he downloaded the app to see what it was about. I don’t believe that was the reason but for what it’s worth, he admitted that he did delete the account after about 30 mins, this is confirmed in his emails. The tinder conversation took up much of my energy so we didn’t talk about the texts. I do have to say, I acknowledge that I should’ve never went on his phone in the first place.
Over the next few weeks, I will have to say my behavior was immature and reeked of insecurity. I would go through his instagram following and if I saw that he liked pictures of women I deemed to be prettier than me, it would cause me to lash out rather than talking to him about it.
Late march- We had a talk about him feeling like he was having to prove himself to me after the incident. It was a genuine conversation and we both acknowledged how we might have hurt the other person. Although, he doesn’t view the tinder action as cheating because he never did anything with anyone. He acknowledged it was wrong, which is good enough for me.
April- I deactivated my instagram as I am working on becoming more secure in myself and it is a distraction from me studying for the LSAT. I finally found it in me to talk to him about the text messages I saw in February. I explained that I wasn’t mad because it occurred before we had our conversation about boundaries and he was heartfelt in his apology.
May (current month): I do want to add that through this, he has been dealing with moving across the country for a new job, post grad anxieties and family issues (I will not delve into but all I can say is it is enough to make someone cut ties with family). Even though I had shown clear progress in communicating and being more sure of myself and our relationship, he still feels, rightfully so that I needs time alone to adjust to his new environment, as I had basically spent the night the past two weeks. He told me that he had went through my phone and found a note I had written in a moment of anger stating that although I forgave him, if he cheated again, I’d simply cheat back and exit the relationship quickly. In the notes app entry I also wrote that I believe he needs validation from women. Btw I did not cheat, he knows this but what hurt him was me saying I would. It made him feel like I didn’t trust him. I will admit that I was hurt that he viewed me coming over as me being afraid to leave him alone but given the record of a few months prior, I understood and we agreed to me coming over less. I am still adjusting to this new arrangement but he makes a concerted effort by FaceTiming on the days we don’t see each other. Friday night after our FaceTime, he sent me the following text: “Wanted to say this on the phone but I installed hinge (primarily to help me decide if it’s a validation/interest issue, I wasn’t really interested and felt guilty so figured it’s best to work on us fully that’s when I sent u the message, I deleted it bck but I think you should know) I’m sorry.” I acknowledged his apology and thanked him from being upfront. Back to the Polaroid, how to bring up the issue without him interpreting it as me being insecure? tl;dr my bf lied about what a picture contained and I found out by going though his wallet. After months of conversation about my lack of trust in him. How do I bring up the issue?

I'm currently doing a rewatch of the whole series because of the new seasons. I just finished Kizumonogatari and there were some things that I didn't fully understand even though I already searched the subreddit. I first watched the series a couple of years ago, so my memory of some events ahead of Kizumonogatari could be a little rusty.

1. Throughout the films, Araragi asked Hanekawa several times about why she is willing to go that far for him, with her stating that she does it because he is her friend. Is this the only thing going on inside her at this moment of the story? Or is it because of her perfect human being persona? Or she was already catching feelings for him? Or it is a little bit of everything?
   
2. Why is Hanekawa so interested in Araragi in the first place? It is because he was some sort of escape from the reality she was suffering in her house at that time?
   
3. At the end of Hanekawa and Araragi's conversation inside the P.E. shed, he said that he is going to slay Kiss Shot. I find this a little contradictory to Araragi's character, as he is someone who always tries to save people and doesn't consider killing as a solution. Was he really trying to kill Kiss Shot because of the threat she represents to humanity? I know that after Hanekawa revealed Kiss Shot's true motives, he returned to be hesitant about killing her, ultimately leading them to their solution. What I'm curious about is what he was really trying to do the moment he left the shed until the revelation.
   
4. If he was really trying to kill her, what was he planning to do afterwards? He didn't know at that time that killing her would return him to human, nor he had the ability of returning her to the state she was at the beginning of the series. If I recalled correctly, he also didn't plan to die, as Hanekawa already help him find his resolve to live during the P.E. shed conversation.
   
5. Did Oshino reveal to the vampire hunters that Kiss Shot was willing to be killed by Araragi in order for them to stop working together? Or there was something else I missed?
   
6. How did Oshino messed up when Guillotine Cutter captured Hanekawa?
   

I think that would be it, thanks in advance for your answers.

okay okay before everyone comes for me, let explain this weird and twisted situation. i (25f) have been friends with this girl who we’ll call abby for a few years now. we’ve gotten super close and never had any problems. this past year, around september she started to this guy (25 M) who we’ll call Ben. the thing about ben is that we have been friendly with each other for over 7 years ago. not friends just friendly. when abby and ben started talking i thought it was the cutest thing ever and i fully supported it. in fact abby’s sister and ben’s brothers had also been some sort of friends. now abby and ben had been talking for a few months now via snapchat and group facetime’s (i was not apart of these, as per my requests) and ben still hadn’t asked abby out. abby began to get impatient and so she asked me to step in and start talking to ben to see what was up. this is what led me and ben to start actually talking, but all we talked about was abby and schoolwork since we were in the same class. now valentine’s day rolls around and ben asks me for money to buy abby a rose and i happily agree and he does this and asks her to be his girlfriend. this all happened privately between them to might i add. however, abby did not tell me the details about what had happened until a few weeks later. she said that ben had told her that he has severe depression and was scared about getting into a relationship due to that. abby said that she reassured him and said that it would be fine and she wouldn’t tell anyone. yet about two weeks after that he sent her handwritten notes that were actually the sweetest and saddest things ever describing in further detail about his depression, attempt, and how abby was his light. now this is where the problems start. abby is not the sentimental or hug type and this threw her off a bit. she also has issues regarding other people’s feelings. now instead of keeping those notes to herself, she went around and told our whole friend group about it and his ‘issues’. of course this threw me off a bit but i was able to get over it. fast forward a month and ben is highly invested in their relationship but is clingy and sends her couple videos that abby finds to be gross and this is when the shi talking begins. she literally told me “i got what i wanted but it was not what i expected” basically ben was giving his all for them and abby couldn’t even text him back. ben said that one day he decided to do a test to see if abby would text him first and so he didnt text her first and for three days they did not talk. right before winter break abby tells me that she wants to break up with ben and im upset but want to be supportive of her decisions. however instead of meeting with him in person and talking about it, she has our other friend write a break up text that basically says that he has mental issues and isn’t ready for a relationship. this was something that i couldn’t agree with and i lightly told her which she brushed off. the thing is now, that me and ben are still taking and im realizing how sweet he actually is. of course abby has never been brought up in conversation as if could be a sore topic for him. but we’ve really had great conversations and laughs. i do tell abby about some of them and she makes jokes about how im the next person he is going to “go after”, but she’ll laugh and then call him ugly and fat. i’m realizing now i might actually be falling for ben because the other day we were accidentally matching football sweatshirts and he made a sweet comment about it. im not sure what to do and if i should keep talking to him, because im not even sure if he’s over abby. i’m no planet would i ever want to betray my friend like that, but at the same time, ben was not treated properly and was honestly so misunderstood which i am realizing now.

**WARNING** long post. Feel free to skip the background information if need be
BACKGROUND:
I am a software engineer at a major bank. Relative to my counterparts on my team, I am the "most junior", but I have three years of experience. This is important to know as it may offer some insight to our team culture. I landed this job in November 2023 and was placed with my team in January 2024. The team consisted of two women, including myself and five men. I work at our NYC office with three of the other men, one of which is our team lead, let's call him Anderson. The other woman coworker lives in FL and the other two men are in India. I am the only black person on the team, and the rest of my coworkers are of Indian descent. This, too, is important to note.
From day 1, I was intentionally assigned low level administrative tasks while my coworkers were purposefully trained and briefed on other, technical tasks. The first week with my team, I mentioned to my team lead that I felt it important to learn the technical tasks that my teammates were learning, even if these technical tasks were not going to be my responsibility, because there would not be anyone to take on the technical tasks if someone was on vacation. My team lead told me to focus on the work he assigned to me.
Still determined to learn the technical tasks, I scheduled trainings with my offshore counterpart so that he would train me instead. This meant that I had to sign in to work after hours to be trained. I was now trained on what my "work buddy" knew, but still not fully trained on what the rest of the team knew how to do. Suddenly (not suddenly), my other woman coworker, let's call her Sandra, went on maternity leave and I was assigned her work. My team lead expressed his frustration with me not knowing how to do her job, and told me to figure out how to learn the things she was doing.
What is interesting to point out here is that during the first few weeks on the team, my team lead would assign our other senior engineer to train Sandra and answer all questions that she had. I was not granted this opportunity. Instead, my Slack messages went unanswered (I have all of this documented) when I had questions and after another two weeks, my team lead quietly reassigned Sandra's work from me to another senior engineer instead. He never explained why he did this, or gave me feedback on the work I was doing.
As the weeks went by, my team lead called me into a meeting to gauge my knowledge on querying our databases. He asked me to find a few items, which I could not find because for one, I had NEVER interacted with the databases before, and for two, I had no understanding of the database architecture or the data flow for our app. Nevertheless, I decided to ask clarifying questions to help me better understand the data so that I could write appropriate queries. My team lead responded to this with yelling "you are an engineer and you don't even know SQL", to which I responded that my knowledge of SQL was sufficient (part of my technical interview was based on writing complex queries), but I needed to understand exactly what he wanted me to find. He ended the meeting and never followed up on the information he was looking for. I still do not know what task, if any, that he was trying to assign to me.
I decided to follow up with him and explain to him that I could sense his frustration, and I asked him to define clear expectations for me and the team, and provide official training that focused on our application architecture and other technical areas that we needed to focus on. He told me that no amount of training would fix the "fact" that I did not know SQL and that it is the team members' job to train themselves.
Nevertheless, after that meeting, he assigned me with handling all onboarding for new projects moving forward. I have taken the liberty of advocating for my team members to ensure that we are all properly trained and provided with ALL resources needed to do our job well. Since then, the team, and myself has expressed more confidence in our ability to do our work. We are even at a point where senior team members reach out to me when they cannot find resources and either ask me to provide documentation, or ask me to reach out to other engineers to schedule meetings to provide trainings. Here is where I am concerned that I might be experiencing hostility at work. Please provide objective feedback and even constructive criticism if need be:
MAIN POINTS:
-my team lead uses language in his interactions with me that creates a false narrative. For example, he accuses me of "not caring" about my job, not "being collaborative", and not paying attention. One example is where I was tasked with migrating a google guice project to springboot. We had four weeks to get the work done and each week during standup, I brought up to my team lead my plans to make changes to the service. Each time, he would redirect my attention to administrative tasks. The third week of the sprint, literally in the middle of a Slack conversation of me telling my team lead that I planned on making some code changes and him instead telling me to do something else, our senior manager called a meeting with the team and yelled at my team lead for not getting any work done related to the code refactoring. After the meeting, my team lead followed up with me and berated me for not having work done. This is all documented in Slack and I remember being very confused as he had literally told me to do other tasks. As a result, my team lead removed me from the code refactoring project and used this to further justify his belief that I do "not care" about the work. Keep in mind that these interactions are documented.
-my team lead constantly verbally berates me in my interactions with him. One example is when I was typing up a document on a zoom call and I was sharing my screen with him. He kept rushing me and was saying things like "come on man I have other things to do", "ughhh hurry up", "you need to move fast!". Two things here: he yelled at me for moving fast because he said he could not see what I was clicking on when I moved fast. Then he yelled at me when I slowed down. There was one time he yelled at me for clicking a back button instead of the home button on the screen...he told me that I was not listening to him or paying attention...I am confused by this because the point of his instruction was for me to return to the home screen. There was another time where I misspelled a word in the middle of him berating me, and then he berated me even more for misspelling the word...
-my team lead has unclear expectations and gets angry at me when I do not do things he wants me to do. One example is when he wanted me to watch a 40 minute training video, summarize the points in the video, and schedule a follow up training with the person who lead the training so that the team (me) could ask questions. He asked me to get this done within an hour. He also wanted me to upload some recordings to Sharepoint. But this task was just another task to complete and not time-sensitive. After the call, I watched the video and made a summary and got back to him with an update in 45 minutes instead of the hour. He responded to my message 20 minutes after I wrote him by hopping on a call with me and yelled at me for not having the videos uploaded. Again, he accused me of "not caring" about my job. When I explained to him that the videos were not uploaded because I was focusing on the other, time sensitive task, he said that that task was not as important as having the videos uploaded and "people" were asking him about the videos in the Sharepoint space....this was a lie because it has been a week and the only person who accessed the uploaded videos was...you guessed it...me :)
-my team lead just berates me in general. He berated me for collaborating with a team member to explore a new internal application. He said that there was no need to get on zoom with the coworker because we should have already known everything...the app was new and I was the only one who understood how to navigate it after exploring it with the team member...oh...need I mention that he then asked me to train the other team members on the new app's UI next week?
-my team lead expressed his frustration at not having access to certain resources when I was on bereavement.The documentation was incomplete and I had to take a sudden leave due to a death in the family. Upon my return, he asked for the documentation and said that he find an "excuse" to tell his manager as to why the documentation was incomplete and that I was "on vacation"
-my team lead "warns" me not to "disappoint" him when he assigns me with tasks. When I ask him to define what a "disappointment" is and for us to agree on what is acceptable, he ignores me.
-my team lead tells me that "people" ask questions about my work and one day he is going to make our department head "deal" with me. The department head is known for being a hot head who yells at people. But he has NEVER yelled at me in any interaction I had with him, no matter how frustrated he may have been.
I want to make an important note here that he does NOT speak to other people like this and he ONLY does this over zoom. I work 3x days in office and on the days where he speaks to me in person, he does not even make eye contact with me and he speaks so soft I can barely hear him sometimes. My team lead has never provided any feedback on my work. As a matter of fact, he uses my documentation and my explanation of technical tasks as if they were his own.
I am considering taking my concerns to our senior manager, who apparently is a well respected, "big boss" at work, but also MY direct manager and I happen to have a great relationship with him. I want to be as objective as possible in my complaint but in the meantime, I would like to explore areas where maybe I can improve to minimize my team lead's verbal assaults on me