Cute raceable letters

I am not crying but I do want to cry for days now but I can‘t? It‘s like feeling numb
Even though I have supportive friends and a family they sometimes don‘t know how to handle it
My best friend doesn‘t know what to answer me when I come to her about such things
My mum doesn‘t know how to respond either other than just listening and hugging me
I don‘t and haven‘t had therapy for a while bcs I just got out of a mental hospital(went there everyday and then back home) and am searching for a therapist right now.
(For ages: I‘m 17 and the people referred in the story are 15)
Now: I have had relationships, they ended all good somewhat, I‘m still friends with close to all of my exes(except one) or I have had a talk with them about our relationship and now we send texts to each other here and then
So, when I was at the mental hospital I met two girls. At first I thought one of them was really cute then the other confessed she liked me. I got really confused and gave a lot of thought to things and chose to go on a date with the one who was interested in me. (I wanted to go on a date with both but i never got to ask the other girl bcs she always was picke by her grandma and I didn’t find the right time to ask her) I mean, a date wont be bad to figure out I‘d like either of them??? (To be clear: I thought that both of them are cute. Nothing really more) the way that the girl who thought she had feelings for me gave me attention and love made me like her. For the other one, she knew from the start I thought both were cute. I constantly felt like an ass kind of leading them on, I wont excuse myself for that. At the date I had(I‘ll refer to the girl who liked me a lot as Amy(not real name)) with amy, she shortly, before the date happened m, asked if 2 other friends could tag along. I made another mistake by saying alright(I thought she was scared and needed backup or sum) the first girl(gonna call her coral) did not show much interest. She said she thought I was cute too and always tagged along anywhere we went. This is the first time I had something with a girl. I did know I was bi/omni before that but it was real knowing I don‘t only simp for attractive woman online, but also wanting something in real life. Since coral didn‘t show much interest and there was a spark between me and amy I asked amy to be my gf. After some weeks I broke it off with her because I noticed things about her that I couldn‘t like. I thought about that every day, why I didn‘t like these things even though I liked her and we had a healthy relationship(communication, honesty, meet ups and all that). Coral also was in the back of my mind so I told amy all this and why I thought it was better that way. She was pissed at coral, understandable, but I wanted her to know it wasn‘t coral‘s fault but mine at leading her on. I was playing with her and I really hate that I did that. After 3 weeks of our breakup I did write amy once or twice, as friends tho, also leaving her be and letting her heal. Again I know that what I did was wrong and I‘m a dick here
After that I asked coral how her pov about all that was. She said she thought I was cute, I did chose amy over her and we are friends, but it didn‘t bother her. I asked if she still had interest in me and she said yes. So I apologized for doing what I did and asked if she wanted to go on a date, she said yes and I think it was fun.(before I asked her, some weeks went by and since we saw eachother every day I did feel like I started having a crush on her. I told her that face to face and she was happy and said she was really happy about that. It was also my last week at the mental hospital, so yeah) We went to her place bcs I wanted to drop her off and she lived like 15 minutes away(I live like an hour away). I was invited and had a fun talk with her fam and her until I needed to go home. I wrote her that I had fun and hoped she did too, she said she enjoyed it. A week later or si I went to visit the mental hospital to greet her and some friends who stayed like 2 weeks longer. I like to write silly letters with feelings bcs it‘s one of my love languages. I wrote her one and gave it to her, on it was a questiom saying if I could take her on another date. I put boxes and she didn‘t answer them. I asked her if she and everything was alright, then she told me she might like someone else too. Just needed to figure out if it‘s platonic or not. She also said she liked the attention I give her and that she never really know‘s if she likes the people or not; and that she struggled with selflove and needed time to get herself fixed before a relationship. I accepted that and told her she can have enough time as she needs and that I‘ll be waiting and that she doesn‘t need to stress abt me waiting. We‘ll have some sort of break. Only thing I‘d want is to still be able to meet her so her decision about me was easier.(it‘s similar to mine from before, I didn‘t have enough time to get to know either of them) Ok reading the last sentence makes me sound like I wanted enough time with both until I chose the better one, which isn‘t true. I only wanted to figure out if I liked either if them that way. And they knew. She did agree and we stayed in kind of low contact I did ask if I stepped over any comfort zone She said no I didn‘t want to push the answer So, yeah. Weeks after, when I felt I was allowed to ask without stepping over the line, I asked if she knows already and if she does like me back. If she likes me or that other friend of hers. I said: „Hey, if you want we can be open friends(not wanting to stress her to answer again) as in if we figure things out we tell eachother and see where it takes us? Cuz I still I like you. Like a lot. More than before bcs I keep thinking about you but I don‘t want to stress you or bother you :)“ Her: „yeah we can be friends but just so you know I have feelings for someone else.“
Hit me like a brick. Bcs all those weeks I did know there might be someone else but it didn‘t feel like she would lead me on. Should have seen it coming lol
I took that and stayed friends. I did stop writing her as much as I did before, but we did play video games here and then, today we did and I noticed her bio on her discord saying „I lov my gf“ My heart sank to my feet and I excused myself from our call. Her telling me she needed to fix herself with self love felt like a lie? Like that was fast- was I pushing???
I get that this is karma and I always knew this was a possibility but I guess I should have just not have contact with her at all after she told me she didn‘t like me like that My bad
Sorry again I just needed to tell someone before I start self blame and pity again Though, was it entirely my bad? Did I push her? Was it because I made that huge mistake and chose amy even though I didn‘t know amy as much as I thought?? Was it ok for her to make me feel we‘ll have smt or if I was to oblivious to anything she might have made or said?
I don‘t pity myself, I‘m just overthinking and dn‘t want to keep botteling this up inside me
Thanks if you have read this far! (I‘m genderfluid, mostly girl btw) (Reminder to drink water🏃)

I'm open for advice. Please help me. I do not know what to do Advice I had an ex-boyfriend and we had a really bad fight. I admit that I treated him very coldly and indifferently, and he offended me a lot because, according to him, he felt disrespected
Obviously I blocked him from everything,
However, 6 months later he wrote a letter and sent it to me asking for forgiveness.
He didn't write anything about coming back, just asking me for forgiveness and that he didn't want resentment on either side.
What should I do? Reply to the letter or leave it at that
Ps: I thought the idea of the letter was cute

My parents divorced when I was 8.
Prior to that we had lots of family around. Always together. Always laughing. Lots of love.
Then my dad had an affair and married his mistress. This man took us to meet her while still married to my mother. He played it off real slick acting like he bumped into his lady friend at the mall. I remember wanting nothing to do with her. I remember feeling it was wrong. I was just a kid and i knew this.
Mom eventually uncovers their affair and kicks him out.
Does he get his own place and take some time to adjust and help us his children adjust? No. He just up and joins a whole ass other family. His mistress had kids from a previous marriage, though luckily they never ended up having kids together. They move in together before the divorce papers are even filed. They marry not even 6 months after the divorce is final.
Everything changes after this. A whole entire side of the family we had moves out of state. Another close family member living with us and mom to help out passes away suddenly.
Mom has to work 2 jobs to keep us afloat. Lots of time spent with babysitters.
Dad takes us on his obligatory weekends but is zoned out to the tv mostly. His new wife finds the need to establish pecking order. We don’t get a room in their house, we sleep in sleeping bags in the den. When we depart from the weekend visit there’s no sign we were ever there. This goes on until we are teens and explain we rather be sleeping over friends houses. Dad doesn’t seem to mind either way.
As an adult…this man is like a ghost. He answers if I call, he opens the door and lets me in if I choose to visit. But there’s no initiation from his side.
His wife makes sure he spends lots of time with her adult children and their families. It’s tough to see. Not that I think he is initiating any of this by his own accord. He’d be absent to her kids too if she didn’t force him to be present. She coordinates it all. Stages all the family photos and cute trips out to the farms and parks. Sometimes we get invited. Most often we don’t.
As an adult rationally I know this. But that inner child yearns for her father. For the family I never had. Hurts seeing the ‘family’ he is part of by default. Pretending to be the family man he isn’t.
I tried telling him. Letters. Conversations. Some excuses and some denial but all status quo. Nothing changed.
I wonder if I’ll ever truly get over this….

This girl, I've noticed her for the first time in middle school. She caught my eyes, yet remained a stranger in her own world. Something about this girl felt different about others. I rarely saw her speak or act, simply minding her own while on the way to school - which overlapped with mine. Even there she was not to be seen by me, mostly due to us being from different classes. Still, I recall seeing her on very few occasions, like field trips. I was not in love nor had a crush, though that was the time my curiosity began building up, wanting to know more about this girl.
It's an unexplainable feeling, really. Back then, I already got to recognize the sensation of romantic love, both its warmth and burden. Thoughts inside my head merely kept signaling, "I want to get to know her". Eventually, realizing we were still total strangers, I had no other option than to mind my own. This continued till the end of 9th grade.
Enter Highschool. Everything changes - new classmates, teachers, syllabus, higher pressure and what not. I didn't decide what to make of the new reality during the first few days, I simply rolled with it. Then came our first math class - to give some context, where I live, your level of math education is determined by 3 levels, with students from each level being grouped in separate math classes. As it turned out, that very same girl and I were grouped together in the same class.
​
From that moment onwards things accelerated. I began noticing her more thoroughly as time kept going. It may sound weird, but I remember even dreaming about her once, despite us not even speaking to one another. I don't know what was it with me, an infatuation, perhaps ? I still didn't feel it with her, but I like to believe (or maybe those are my delusions) I felt a certain connection: that girl kept to herself, had a composed mindset, she focused on reading books and was on her phone before the teacher got in - despite always being surrounded by her own wonderful friends. Coupled with her short height, I couldn't but think how cute she looks.
One day, at math class as usual, sitting at the table in front of me, this girl did something unimaginable to my head - she turned her sit around to face me, and abruptly exclaimed with a smile - "did you know that our little sister's, [x] and [Y], are best friends ?" - we had a very brief chat about it, including one of our past sudden altercations, by the end of which she turned away and got back to minding her own. This was.... a lot shocking to me than a third party would expect...
Till that point, in my opinion, life seemed very predictable, unimpressive and disappointing. I was the social loser who didn't get to make strong bonds past kindergarten, so I didn't have real, true friends - just a few buddies I seldom chatted with. Coinciding with moving to the city I live in now before starting Elementary, I was pretty much doomed to be lonely, so from then on I never imagined to socially amount to anything extraordinary, much less to speak with another female (which has always been more intimidating). Now, this girl whom I wished to know and was too enclosed to talk to, broke the endless time barrier to inform a small piece of information. To say this moment was a change of pace is an utter understatement. Talking to one another gave me a clearer insight as to who the girl is - as composed, focused and quiet as she was, I could sense in her angelic-like voice and the way her vocals switched a hidden enthusiasm, an undiscovered encircling joy. Her voice signaled that she was truly interested to speak with me, and despite trying to stay composed, I felt as if she planned this conversation sometime ahead out of shyness to construct an abrupt small talk. Her character made me for the first time consider if I fell for her. She was a somewhat shy, introverted person with joyful attitude, and overall seemed like a kind, positive gal, simply too quiet to present it to anyone at once. But I was stunned not just for her character - she was gorgeous. Talking to that girl and formally facing her for the first time made me notice things unnoticed before - her enchanting, glistening eyes, her beautiful dark blonde hair, the humble little ears and nose, including the overall shape of her face. I barely kept myself composed as we responded to one another due to all this shock instigated by understanding who she is, and learning we were - in a way - related (not biologically ofc). Felt like forever, yet lasted less than a minute.
Of course, I began pondering about her reason to reveal herself as my little sister's best friend's older sibling. Two days later (and another month after), that girl repeated the first event: turning herself around to face me, then striking out a conversation revolving around our little siblings. By the third altercation, getting more smitten by her after each one, my interest in her peaked.
Here's what felt fishy: Us not amounting to anything but strangers meant this girl could chat solely about something seemingly as unimportant to HS students as familial bonds. I should also mention that by this period half a year has flown by. If so, why would she bother herself to say these things ? Maybe she just cares for our sisters' friendship ? That still wouldn't explain the timing...
Perhaps I'm deluding myself, but my something is telling me she's fond of me. And I think I'm starting to actually like here back the more I think of her. Sharing the same class with her gets me out of bed every morning, and the first sight of this girl feels like being showered with roses. I cherish every glance I get at her because of the warmth it brings to my soul.
I wish I were right about her feelings towards me, however this is where the letter must leave the reader at a cliffhanger. I don't know if she likes me, thinks of me as I have of her. Nor do I, nor her, have the courage to ask each other due to our mental struggles. Looking back, I think it's my fault. I should have attempted to chat with her myself instead of letting her initiate ever chat, it would explain why she gave up on trying. She was braver than I, if I'm not mistaken. Maybe I really did let an opportunity slip, but that's a revelation to come. Best wishes, your fellow HS student.
​
​

Link to my original: https://www.reddit.com/Dreams/comments/12zxqdg/my_dreams_are_real_and_i_wish_people_would/
So it's been over a year that I made the post and honestly I was trying to be on the internet less and completely forgot about it.
I had a few questions that I'll answer because I've been thinking about my dreams again.
1.) What makes me think they are real?
When you hug your friend, and feel their warmth. Or you look into their eyes and can feel the soul behind them. You don't question if they are real, you know it. You FEEL it. That connection that takes place between two living beings is unmistakable. I never dream of anything obscure or out of place. No oreos or giant toys chasing me. Nothing silly or "fun." I've looked into people's eyes. And it's something you'll never forget.
2.) Can I remember my waking life like I do so vividly in my dreams?
This one is really hard to answer. I have a bad memory. I can't remember most of my waking life. I have a few core memories but they're fuzzy and hard to conjur. I don't have an imagination. When I close my eyes it's all black, with faint outlines of what I'm trying to picture.
My dreams however, I can still feel them and 'see' them. When I'm remembering them I keep my eyes wide open like I'm there again. It almost feels like VR
I would say that I can recall my dreams better than an actual memory.
3.) Am I interested in spirituality?
Yes. I am a firm believer in everything and nothing all at once. I do believe there are things out there that science can't explain- yet. I believe consciousness is a lot broader than we think.
I did see a couple of science based theories under my post and I do appreciate it as it's good to sort of stay grounded when approaching.... the "mystical"
It's a fine line between mystifying and crazy.
3.) Have I tried reality checks in my dreams?
Yeah, I have. Most of the time I already know I'm in a "dream." I'm not sure if this question was meant as "to find out I'm in a dream" or "to find out if it's really reality."
They say you can't read in your dreams. I can say I can, and have definitely read signs and whatnot. And not just a glance. Like, really read it and see the letters and words. One of them was a cute sign for the farm behind this dilapidated shack advertising strawberries. 4.99/lb.
And then I had a couple comments saying I need to differentiate dreams from real life.
I do. I know what's a dream and what is my real life. It sometimes takes a minute to adjust back to reality when I wake up. But I'm not stuck in it forever.
I had one a few months ago however that scared me shitless and I didnt want to go back to bed ever again. I was stuck in a realm for 60 years. 60 years. People had entered and left the realm from time to time but I was stuck there. It was a gorgeous place to be stuck. But it got pretty lonely.
Long story short. I'm still having these vivid, wild dreams. A year later and I still feel like they're completely real.
Thank you to those who looked at my post then, it was very comforting that there are people out there that believe me. And a few scientific reasonings to help keep me grounded.

I am a 39 year old man. I like to "work from home" on the campus of a prestigious university in my city.
Why? The wifi is good, I want to get out of my house, and I don't want to feel pressured to buy things at a cafe. People accuse me of wanting to ogle and pickup college girls. Yes, some of them are quite pretty. I am 39, but look MUCH younger and am considered to be very handsome. I think that they ogle me much more than I ogle them. I very often see them checking me out and hear them say, "He's hot!"
I didn't talk to anyone. I eventually became assigned the trivia host of the on-campus bar, which does give me a better reason to be there.
There is one girl who looks like a senior. I have also seen her at a concert, and she clearly recognized me. One night she came to trivia and gave me the most exaggerated look of girlish yearning. I should have winked or waved at her, but I just didn't. Later, at an on campus festival, I saw her from afar and she was frowning at me, perhaps thinking that I couldn't possibly be attracted to her.
Months pass, and I would sometimes see her on campus. Then I finally got the nerve to approach her and chat her up. She is a senior, and I got her first name. It seemed really awkward so I didn't ask for her number, which I regretted as what was the point of speaking to her?
With her first name and some other details, I was able to figure out her full name. I mailed her a letter to the university in general and explained how I got her full name. The letter was short and funny.
I later got a phone call. One ring, then they hung up. I googled the number and it was from her on-campus job. I don't know why she called or why she hung up. I decided to write her a second letter. This one was actually much funnier and more cute.
Nothing happened, and I think it is over. I think it was good of me to approach her. We both needed vindication. Me from thinking that I am too scared to talk to women, and she might have felt good that I was in fact attracted to her.
But is this creeping people out? Keep in mind, there is a 0% chance that she was NOT attracted to me. It is very possible that she thought I was a late 20s grad student which is fine, and not a late 30s almost-rando which she might not like. But why did she call and hang up?

u/Adoreible95 - 🦋Thanks for the 🧈🪰 facts!
u/duygusu - Thanks for the quote and the cute food-related content.
u/ngocburin - Thank you for the letter, I appreciate hearing your story!
u/YESmynameisYes - Maybe self-charmed flour would not stick all over your hands when breading things. That's the real magic I want.

I am a 39 year old man. I like to "work from home" on the campus of a prestigious university in my city.
Why? The wifi is good, I want to get out of my house, and I don't want to feel pressured to buy things at a cafe. People accuse me of wanting to ogle and pickup college girls. Yes, some of them are quite pretty. I am 39, but look MUCH younger and am considered to be very handsome. I think that they ogle me much more than I ogle them. I very often see them checking me out and hear them say, "He's hot!"
I didn't talk to anyone. I eventually became assigned the trivia host of the on-campus bar, which does give me a better reason to be there.
There is one girl who looks like a senior. I have also seen her at a concert, and she clearly recognized me. One night she came to trivia and gave me the most exaggerated look of girlish yearning. I should have winked or waved at her, but I just didn't. Later, at an on campus festival, I saw her from afar and she was frowning at me, perhaps thinking that I couldn't possibly be attracted to her.
Months pass, and I would sometimes see her on campus. Then I finally got the nerve to approach her and chat her up. She is a senior, and I got her first name. It seemed really awkward so I didn't ask for her number, which I regretted as what was the point of speaking to her?
With her first name and some other details, I was able to figure out her full name. I mailed her a letter to the university in general and explained how I got her full name. The letter was short and funny.
I later got a phone call. One ring, then they hung up. I googled the number and it was from her on-campus job. I don't know why she called or why she hung up. I decided to write her a second letter. This one was actually much funnier and more cute.
Nothing happened, and I think it is over. I think it was good of me to approach her. We both needed vindication. Me from thinking that I am too scared to talk to women, and she might have felt good that I was in fact attracted to her.
But is this creeping people out? Keep in mind, there is a 0% chance that she was NOT attracted to me. It is very possible that she thought I was a late 20s grad student which is fine, and not a late 30s almost-rando which she might not like. But why did she call and hang up?

Earlier post for the backstory:
https://www.reddit.com/Crushes/comments/1ca3jgu/coworker_crush_update/
So, I didn't really confess until I gave him a handwritten letter past friday. He did know I was gay. Contents of the letter:
Name, I think you are a fun & cute guy. The first thing I noticed, was your smile. And I knew then I wanted to get to know you better. It still took me half a year to ask you if you wanted to have lunch together. I still don't know why you said "yes" so enthousiastically. I mean, we hardly knew eachother, from some work-related questions, a few "hey's" in the hallway. But your smile, your beautiful & sincere smile, let me take the risk. You could have said "no", but you said "yes"\*
During these lunches it became clear, at least for me, that we shared some common interests. Then it happened, feelings started to grow...
I was convinced, for about 85%, that you were gay. After I saw some comments on your Steam-profile, it rose to about 95%. But still I didn't ask the question right away. Maybe I wanted the dream to last a bit longer. Eventually I did ask and you answered. To be honest, I was a little disappointed & sad.
I'm not sure what to do now:
On the one hand, I want to spend time with you; like, go to lunch more often or maybe hangout after work. But I'm not sure how you see this. I wouldn't want you to get the feeling that I'm bothering you by keep asking/sending to do things together.
On the other hand, I realize nothing could ever happen between us & that my feelings for you could possible hinder our developing friendship.
What I wrote, is how I feel. But you have a say in how things will be progressing too. If you ever want to talk about it, please know I will always be ready to listen.
His response came a day later:
Hey My Name, I just read your letter. I'm a bit lost because I didn't see this coming but I appreciate your openness. I apologize if I ever gave you the wrong signals, I didn't mean to. I do think we indeed have some common interest & up until now I enjoyed our lunches together. I think it's for the best to keep it at that. If there's anything else that bothers you, let me know
No need for advice, just wanted to write this out to maybe make me feel better somehow. I don't think there will be a friendship anymore nor us having lunch together

Earlier post for the backstory:
https://www.reddit.com/Crushes/comments/1ca3jgu/coworker_crush_update/
So, I didn't really confess until I gave him a handwritten letter past friday. He did know I was gay. Contents of the letter:
Name, I think you are a fun & cute guy. The first thing I noticed, was your smile. And I knew then I wanted to get to know you better. It still took me half a year to ask you if you wanted to have lunch together. I still don't know why you said "yes" so enthousiastically. I mean, we hardly knew eachother, from some work-related questions, a few "hey's" in the hallway. But your smile, your beautiful & sincere smile, let me take the risk. You could have said "no", but you said "yes"
During these lunches it became clear, at least for me, that we shared some common interests. Then it happened, feelings started to grow...
I was convinced, for about 85%, that you were gay. After I saw some comments on your Steam-profile, it rose to about 95%. But still I didn't ask the question right away. Maybe I wanted the dream to last a bit longer. Eventually I did ask and you answered. To be honest, I was a little disappointed & sad.
I'm not sure what to do now:
On the one hand, I want to spend time with you; like, go to lunch more often or maybe hangout after work. But I'm not sure how you see this. I wouldn't want you to get the feeling that I'm bothering you by keep asking/sending to do things together.
On the other hand, I realize nothing could ever happen between us & that my feelings for you could possible hinder our developing friendship.
What I wrote, is how I feel. But you have a say in how things will be progressing too. If you ever want to talk about it, please know I will always be ready to listen.
His response came a day later:
Hey My Name, I just read your letter. I'm a bit lost because I didn't see this coming but I appreciate your openness. I apologize if I ever gave you the wrong signals, I didn't mean to. I do think we indeed have some common interest & up until now I enjoyed our lunches together. I think it's for the best to keep it at that. If there's anything else that bothers you, let me know
No need for advice, just wanted to write this out to maybe make me feel better somehow. I don't think there will be a friendship anymore nor us having lunch together

Dear Cowboy, The chances of you finding this letter here are, well, slim to none. Here, it goes anyway. I like the sweet things you said and the cute names you called me. It was surprising and it made me smile.. You are very welcome to keep this up if you want. I have been afraid I would slip, call you something cute, and you would get frightened. I can not have that. You are a brave and strong man and always will be. The truth is I saw your fear early on. I won't use it against you, relax. Your secrets are protected. Btw, I meant it when I told you I have never thought of you as temporary. I never did, and I will not ever. Thinking about the fact you thought that enough to make a poorly disguised joke about it makes me sad. You not being a part of my life would drive me to tears, and break my chilled heart. The idea of you being in my life temporarily is heartbreaking. We both know cowgirls don’t cry. Their hearts break, but they don’t. They are protective. Now that that is off my chest. It's your turn, Cowboy, to plan the next ride. So, hurry up. Don’t let too much time slip through your hands between trail rides. The saddles are calling. Giddyup Cowboy. -Your cowgirl

More misery bird? More misery bird. Really miserymaxxing with these fics I have going, but hey, this one is not that miserable actually! Krekos is back and ready to be dense and downcast, but maybe not quite miserable? Read and see!
Big thank you to NoP community for being great and supportive of my endeavors!
Also, obviously, big thanks to SpacePaladin15 for creating this universe and allowing fanfiction well to flow free!
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Memory transcription subject: Krekos, Krakotl Refugee
Date [standardized human time]: May 6th, 2137
I stare at the foul creature before me. Normally staring at something directly head on like that would be too predatory for me to do, but after nearly dying of bread yesterday, I didn’t feel patient enough to be gentle. The creature stared right back, though in a much more natural, prey-like way, tilting its head slightly as it looked back at me with one eye and let out a long bwok.
“Are you doing this now? Really?”, I ask, knowing full well it cannot respond.
Well, it can, if another bwok it made is any indication. Of course, translators aren’t yet advanced enough to translate non-sapient speech, but the intention behind sound is intuitively clear. It’s telling me to back off. Well, I tried the diplomatic approach at least.
Raising my wing I begin sliding the bird out of its nest, careful to keep any delicate joints out of its reach. It started clucking in upset indignation, struggling back and even trying to peck at me, but after realizing that I will not relent, it hopped out of the box and rushed out of the cattle house, revealing a single dead egg in the nesting box.
With relief, I finally pick up the last egg and head back to leave them at the house. Turns out that while Reginald didn’t forget to both lock them up yesterday and let them out today, he did neglect feeding them both times, as well as collecting the harvest. So when I was driven back here in early morning, the first thing I did was making sure they were taken care of. I can’t say the horrid birds looked in any way hungry, but the moment I poured the feeding grain for them, they attacked it with more viciousness than I’d expect of an actual predator. And yet only thirteen were present at the feeding, as the one that’s usually the target of flock’s ire remained in the cattle house yet again, Reginald leaving it to it, being unaware of its undesirable habit of trying to hatch dead eggs.
With eggs delivered, I flew my way to my usual spot atop the cattle house and could finally relax. The loner beast first made its way to feast on the scraps of the grain that other birds already all have had their fill of, so I wasn’t too concerned. Instead I tried to reflect on the morning I had so far.
Waking up at the hospital did make me momentarily panic before I remembered the precluding events. Not that I could properly panic, feeling the most starved I’ve been my whole life, and too weak to try flying out of the window. Thankfully, the breakfast they provided was actually well made with krakotl needs in mind, algae soup alongside a few slices of bread, this time without any horrid human ideas like putting eggs in there. Eggs! Turns out they put eggs in some kinds of bread! That’s how I got sick! Eggs! The thought of what I consumed even now made me queasy, and it definitely made breakfast a much less appetizing affair than it would have been without that knowledge, but back then the hunger won over the disgust.
Lena did keep her promise and came to pick me up extra early. Her being a staff member at the hospital gave her some extra privilege, I assume, hence why I was released without any forms needing to be filled out personally. She did have important business today too, which probably explained the earlyness and urgency of her driving me back to her house.
That did not mean I escaped her ire, however. While I couldn’t pinpoint anything to identify the man, as Bob was apparently a common name, that offered me bread, we did come to understanding that he was likely either unaware of the nutritional contents of it, or of extent to which the Cure-induced allergy would be affecting a krakotl. Yet, Lena seemed much angrier at me for failing to take any precautions. Turns out that was the purpose of medicinal injectors, epipens as humans call them, that were provided to me. I was supposed to have them on me in case I accidentally ingested contaminated food. Nobody told me that, I was just handed them back when I first received the necessities at the refugee camp and I had no clue what they were for. Then she also berated me for eating random food from strangers and ignoring bad flavors. Turns out that brioche bread isn’t actually bitter at all, and that was my body reacting to an allergen in it. Reaction that I unwisely elected to ignore, to further ire of my host. By the end, several new rules of my stay here were made, including not eating things I don’t know and always having at least one epipen on me. Thankfully, these rules would be ones I’d start following even without them being established, so I won’t have to concern myself with being kicked out over accidentally breaking them.
As if following the rules will be enough to make them like you.
Trying to distract myself from thoughts of yesterday’s incident, I focused my attention on the flock. All birds accounted for, so at least I knew that my absence did not result in the predator coming to snatch one of them. I do not wish to insult my hosts, but Reginald is far from most attentive people in matters unrelated to his job, and I am not sure the birds were watched at all while I was out. Speaking of, my scannings of surrounding treelines revealed no sign of the predator today. Perhaps it departed to hunt elsewhere, or maybe it ventured too close to a more populated area and exterminators dealt with it.
Actually, did human exterminators work similar to Federation ones? I knew for a fact they had them, although they seemed like a market of private organizations if advertisements are anything to judge by. Still, what methods do they use? I know humans oppose fire, and do not believe in predatory taint, but surely they have measures to protect themselves? They are, by self-admission, far from the best natural predator, and I doubt Earth’s non-sapient predators would just leave humans be. Maybe I should call one of those human exterminator agencies and call them in to deal with that predator? I haven’t told Lena or Reginald about it, as I didn’t want to bother them, but it could pose a serious threat to the cattle, but maybe that’s the way I could resolve it without involving them?
I have not done nearly as much research into human culture and lifestyle as I should have, considering that I’ve lived on Earth for over half a year now, but the sheer width of the topic always overwhelmed me the moment I opened internet search app to the point where I just closed it right away.
And you expect to start studying again with that attitude? You’ll flunk out even from this primitive predator education course.
Extra loud call from the flock made me refocus my attention on them, but it was nothing. Just the loner getting pecked extra hard and lashing out against assailants, causing a small aimless stampede as all the birds ran around in circles, puffing up at one another. The assailants now looked a lot more like victims. I could understand those birds more than I could humans at least. The loner bird is clearly an odd one out. It’s the only one repeatedly trying to hatch unfertilized eggs it lays, and it seems to always avoid the rest of the flock. Humans may deny the existence of Predator Disease, but they can’t deny that prey and predator both can and will sometimes behave in unnatural ways that may threaten the herd's safety. Or pack’s, in case of humans. Birds must know on instinctual level that the loner’s behavior is unnatural and are attempting to combat the Predator Disease on instinctual level. And since that is natural, I still will not interfere in this, unless the loner bird actually becomes a threat to others or will start getting too injured. The first time I attempted to pick one of the birds up was the only time for a good reason, as I have learned their viciousness all too well.
DING-DING
The sudden loud ring startled me enough that I nearly tumbled off the roof. Who would be coming over now? Lena and Reginald have left together and shouldn’t be back until afternoon, and they’d never use the bell. That means someone must be here for them. But wouldn’t they warn anyone to not come over? Especially with their plans for today.
With nobody to answer these questions, I had no choice but to go and discover the answer myself, flying up and over the house, towards the entrance gate. The moment I passed the house roof, I already saw a familiar silhouette. It was the human child from a few days ago.
Thankfully, Lena’s insistence on me carrying an epipen at all times meant I also carried my satchel at all times too, so I didn’t have to go grabbing my holopad, and took it out. But before I could even launch the translator TTS app to type out a greeting, the child was already hopping in place with excitement.
“Mr. Krekos! Hi! I came over to visit!”, she exclaimed, showing off her teeth in an unnerving expression of human joy. I simply tried to avoid that and focused on the pad, typing out my response.
“Hello, Rosie. Why are you here?”
The question was genuine, as the child was not carrying any more of that honey substance from last time.
“I just came over to visit you! Is that okay? Are Mr. and Ms. Vince okay with it?”
Visit... me? Why? While I was confused, I did instinctively type out a reply.
“They did tell me visitors are allowed as long as there’s no trouble when I first moved in.”
And before I could type a followup message asking her why she’s here, she already let out a joyous roar and ran past me.
“Can I see the chickens?”, she asked, and not waiting for an answer, rushed past the house and towards the cattle yard.
“Wait! You’ll scare them!”, I yell after her, but of course without a translator she can’t understand me as she runs like she already knows where to go.
And indeed she has, quickly rushing up to the open field where the birds were grazing. Thankfully she didn’t start chasing them, instead just approaching the flock from a distance and swaying in place, watching them with what I assume was some sort of predatory excitement at the sight of prey. Maybe that’s where the contained hunting instinct of human children showed themselves? In chasing small birds? I was still more subdued, considering she stopped shy of causing a small stampede, but still.
“Grandpa used to take me with him! He helped watch this farm until Mr. and Ms. Vince moved in. I like chickens! I think they’re cute.”, the child told me innocently as she kept swaying and watching as the beasts grazed upon insects of the pasture.
That revelation was... interesting. I suppose it makes sense that between the original owner of this land dying in the bombings and Lena and Reginald moving in, it would be unattended. With nobody to feed and watch over those things, they would be long dead for sure. And it was Rosie’s grandfather... Speaking of. I typed out my words.
“Does your grandfather know you’re here?”
She seemed to get a weird look as she stopped her excited swaying, fiddling with her hands instead. Looks like I asked the correct question.
“...he knows I am out visiting neighbors.”
That did not answer my question. I squinted at the human child, and she dipped her head as she continued.
“...he doesn’t know I’m here specifically. Or that an alien even lives here...”, she explained, her tone suddenly more sullen.
I couldn’t help but squint at that, and it appears that my expression was readable enough that even a human could see the suspicion, as she continued.
“I’m sorry... But if I told grandpa, he’d tell me I’m forbidden from talking to you, like he forbade me from talking to hedgehog people in town... But I want to talk to you! You’re nice and you’re a space bird!”
The child was actually working around the rules established by her guardian to come see me. I don’t know if I should be glad or concerned. Clearly, the man is anti-alien in his opinions, and I’d rather that kind of man not know about how close he lives to one. At the same time, I’d rather not encourage a child for lying to their guardian in order to meet a stranger they know they aren’t allowed to interact with... So I just took the middle path with my next message.
“I see. What did you want to talk to me about then?”, TTS speaks for me.
Her stiffened body language disappears, replaced again with earlier excitement.
“I wanna know more about space! And aliens! It’s all so cool but grandpa says it’s all dangerous because mom and dad died. But it’s not! The hedgehog people were nice, and you’re nice too!”
I wasn’t sure about that logic, but my self-preservation told me I shouldn’t try convincing her to go confessing. Instead I focused more on her chosen topic.
“I am not sure I am the best person to ask about space. I am not a scientist or traveler.”
“But you’re from there! You know way more than me. I don’t even know what you are called. And there’s gotta be cool things out in space!”
I let out a sigh. I suppose it’s childlike curiosity at its finest. So unfamiliar with mundane that it is a wonder. I remember being like that about becoming a doctor.
And then you let your teacher die.
I quickly tapped on the pad.
“Okay, I can answer questions, but I may not know everything.”
The noise that came out of the girl was like a squeal of a panicked dossur as she started hopping and spinning in place.
“Yes! Yes! Thank you, Mr. Krekos!” Sudden movement did cause me to recoil a bit, which in turn caused her to cease her happy flailing and adjust her little dress. “I dunno where to start though... Hm... What are you?”
...for all my trepidation about not knowing answers, I should have anticipated that the questions she asks will be rather age-appropriate and on the same level as we learn in our first school classes. At least I won’t disappoint her then.
“I am from a species called ‘krakotl’. We’re avians, as is obvious. Our home is...” dead, gone, reduced to glass and ash by our own hubris “...was Nishtal. A beautiful planet...”
Thankfully she did not question my hesitant pause. Instead she just nodded along.
“What about the hedgehog people? I already know venlil, but they’re the only ones I know name of.”
Hedgehog people in town she mentioned earlier. The only species I could think of that could be seen there would be the gojid. I have no clue what hedgehogs are, but probably some creature with visible similarity to them.
“They are called ‘gojid’, and they’re from gojid Cradle. Both of our species are... well, used to be known for our might and protecting other species of Federation.”
I am not sure if that’s something to brag about, considering... everything. But I didn’t want this child to get brought down with depressing regrets of our species. Let her know something nicer instead. She clearly lost a lot, but there’s still joy left in her. I wouldn’t want to be the one to ruin that.
“Cool! What about other people? I wanna know more!”
And so I went on, telling her about various species, although I mostly focused on ones in this new human-led union, only mentioning kolshians and farsul beyond that. It’s weird explaining to a child what a tilfish or a harchen looks like, but thankfully my holopad isn’t just a method of communicating with implant-less children. With access to interstellar web, I could easily pull up pictures of various alien species to show to her, even if she struggled to believe that some of them were even sapient purely based off of looks. With how varied species in Federation are, and how some of us admittedly aren’t too far physiologically from our more primal ancestors.
Among other topics, she asked me to tell her interesting things, which I didn’t know much of. I told her about Venlil Prime’s tidally locked status, a rarity among habitable planets, much less homeworlds for species. I told her about the unique architecture of Mileau, designed to accommodate both species of regular size and dossur themselves. I told her about Colia medical academies, some of the most beautiful medical facilities in the galaxy.
I wish I was more well-travelled, but I just wasn’t. My whole life, I never left Nishtal until the extermination fleet took me despite my protests. That may have been what saved my life...
Not that I, of all people, deserved it...
“Hey! Stop that!”
I flinched as I heard the child yell, but quickly realized that it wasn’t directed at me. Instead, Rosie was rushing down towards the chicken flock, breaking up the fight in which the loner was being pecked by a few larger chickens. As the human child approached, the birds stopped their infighting and scattered in different directions, crowing in loud panic and discontent. On instinct, I found myself rushing towards the child, forgetting about translation entirely.
“What are you doing?! Don’t touch them!”
I didn’t want her to hurt the cattle accidentally, and I didn’t want her to get hurt by the angry birds in return. But, it seems like the moment the birds scattered, she was satisfied with her actions and turned back to me, wearing another one of her happy smiles.
“Sorry, Mr. Krekos, I just saw chickens being mean. Bad chickens.” She explained.
I was baffled. Why would she interfere like that? When I tried that back when I was just starting, that got me pecked! But with her, the birds just scattered. What if they pecked her?
I took the pad out again and started typing quickly.
“That was dangerous. Why did you do that? What if they attacked you? Why are you even interfering in their natural dynamics?”, questions flowed out of my pad with an artificial human voice.
The girl simply giggled.
“They’re chickens! They aren’t dangerous. They don’t peck that painful and I’ve been scratched worse before. And I have to stop it because bullying is wrong.”
Then she actually noticed that the one that was being attacked wandered close. She casually approached it from behind, the blind spot and just reached down and grabbed it, picking the bird up. I was ready to rush to help the bird when...
“Mwah! There, all better.”
She did a human ‘kiss’ on the back of the cattle bird’s neck before releasing it, the surprise of it causing it to rush off. I knew what kisses were, I’ve seen enough of them between Lena and Reginald, but I believed they were gestures of intimate affection, not... what was even that?
It seems Rosie noticed my confusion as she explained.
“You gotta kiss it so it heals better! That’s what mom taught me.” The child displayed that smile of hers shamelessly. With how much I was being exposed to it, it almost wasn’t unnerving anymore. Still, it was interesting to learn that kisses are seen as something that helps wounds. I guess some species do have saliva with mild antiseptic properties, wouldn’t be too out there to assume humans are the same. And if that’s the case, maybe that’s how the kissing tradition started? Exchange of protective fluid between lovers?
“I see. I did not know that.” I responded before letting my puffed feathers relax. Okay, this whole ‘watching a human child’ thing is turning out to somehow be even more stressful than I expected at first.
“Wait, Mr. Krekos, what time is it?” She suddenly asked, looking up at the sky.
“It’s nearly twelve.” I respond, holopad having a convenient clock for local time.
“Oh no! I need to be home soon! Was nice seeing you Mr. Krekos gotta go bye!”
Before I had even a chance at typing out an answer or my own goodbye, the child sprinted away and back towards the entrance. I had to take flight just to keep up, and even then she just turned around, waved her arm at me and then kept sprinting down the road after leaving the gate. I simply offered a small wave of a wing back before locking the gate again. I suppose it is hard to keep track of time without a device or clock nearby...
Well, at least I had the usual peace and quiet now. And learned a bit more about the creatures I was in charge of. I should really try to deal with my aversion to looking things up on the human internet...
Just as I was about to head back out towards the yard, I heard a loud car horn, a familiar one, getting my attention. Lena’s car. There they were, signaling me, probably having spotted me at the gate from afar. Deciding to make use of my presence here, and hoping to avoid needing to explain that I had a surprise visitor earlier, I went ahead and opened the large gate, allowing the car to enter.
Once it was parked in the usual space, the doors opened and three people came out. Lena and Reginald were both looking a bit disheveled, but their faces carried these smiles that seemed wider than ever before. And third person... Was a stranger. A human I knew of, but never actually met. As he exited the car, a large bag in one hand, he just stared at me, standing in the front yard...
“...okay, I expected many things when I was told you guys housed a refugee, but not this.”
Oh no. Oh no, he was not one of the ones that was willing to overlook an invader that partook in bombing of his planet being allowed to walk free, of course, Lena and Reginald were the weird ones like that, doesn’t mean their son won’t be... I felt the panic rising as I realized I’d need to return to the camp. Why was I upset about that? This was supposed to just have been a way to make money, but now I have a free education program. Do I need to stay? No, but... Why?! Why do I not want to leave?
“Ken, you said it’s going to be alright no matter what it is, right? Wanted us to keep it a surprise to meet a new friend?” Lena’s voice. She should have told him, that’d give me time to prepare why didn’t they give me time why.
“No, no problems, just, really surprised, that’s all... uh... hey, buddy, you okay? You’re really... trembly.”
He was approaching me, and instinct took over as I recoiled, before stuttering out my answer.
“I-I’m fine...”
...thankfully translators don’t translate voice cracks. I hope, at least...
“Hey, relax... I have no problem with you being a krakotl, I just didn’t think...” He looks over at Lena and Reginald. “Calm down... I can wear my visor if you want?”
Right. Those things humans use to hide their scary faces from us.
“I... I’m good...”
Why would it last? It almost felt good after all.
There was some emotion I struggled to read on the young human’s face, as he sighed and shook his head.
“I screwed this up, I’m sorry. Let... Let me try again.” He straightened out, and adjusted his clothing, before slowly approaching me and giving me a small smile, no teeth showing. “Hello. My name is Kenneth Vince and I'm son of Lena and Reginald Vince. I was told you’re a refugee they took in to help out. It’s nice to meet you. What’s your name?”
That... snapped me out of it. Right... He was... not upset at my existence. He was just very surprised that Lena and Reginald weren’t. That’s a reasonable thing to be surprised about, considering I was surprised about it to this day. I tried to compose myself as I responded.
“My name is Krekos. I live here as... hired help with the cattle. It’s... nice to meet you?”
The smile on Kenneth’s face widens, though he still refrains from showing his teeth. Instead, he extends a hand towards me. A handshake is a human gesture that I found far from comfortable, but I didn’t want to give him a reason to change his mind on acceptability of my existence, so I took it with a wingclaw. He gently took it and held for a few seconds before letting go and sighing again, turning to his parents.
“You know, I always thought you guys would be empty nesters, but I never thought it’d be that literal.”
That got all three of them laughing, as I just tilted my head in confusion. I was fairly sure there were no empty nests in the house until after I adjusted the attic room for my own accommodations. Still, I took the laughter as a sign that the tense moment had fully passed and let my ruffled feathers slowly rest.
“Let’s head inside. Krekos, we’re having dinner, you’re welcome to join us.” Reginald said, picking up Kenneth’s bag. I tilted my head a little and he followed up with elaboration. “We will be having meat... But there’s still going to be stuff you can eat too. It’s a celebration, so I prepared a bit of everything.”
“Dad, you shouldn’t have!” Kenneth responded with embarrassment.
“None of that! Our son returned from the war, alive and a hero, and we can have a celebration. Krekos, I know you’re still... uncertain about meat so you don’t—”
“I’ll join.”
Wait, who said that? And why did they say that in my voice?
Wait, that was me. Why did I say that?
“That’s great to hear! I’ve got some nice steamed broccoli and some vegetarian fried rice as sides that you’ll enjoy!” Reginald smiled at me and I felt myself shrinking into my feathers. That the humans didn’t notice at least, proceeding into the house instead.
Well, looks like I signed my warrant. At least my bag and my epipen were on me in case something at the table triggers the allergy again. Would be rather unfortunate to have it happen two days in a row.
And that’s how, in just ten or so minutes, I found myself sitting at the dining perch, while humans took seats in chairs, all consuming chunks of roasted flesh and somehow managing to also stuff pieces of equally roasted plants in, and converse with one another. You wouldn’t be able to tell on first look, but despite their mouths being relatively small, especially for a predator, it seems they compensate for it by having those be near bottomless in both hunger and small talk.
I am not sure how I managed to shift my focus away from them consuming animal matter in front of me, however vat grown it might have been, and onto their conversation instead, but I succeeded. I suppose that was just part of me going native around predators. Soon, I’ll be the one feasting along with them before I know it, and snacking on those epipens to not die of it.
Like you could ever be on the same level as humans.
“So, Fahl? That’s where you were sent after the Battle of Earth?” Lena asked.
“Yeah. From what I heard, we got a light posting compared to guys at Sillis or Mileau. The most I had to deal with was some exterminator insurgents.”
That’s right. Since harchen participated in the Extermination Fleet, they were one of those who were occupied by humans during the war. It makes sense that there was at least some ground resistance.
“Honestly, the worst thing out there was the heat. Not the flamethrower kind, the climate. The place was so damn dry and hot. At least exterminators you could subdue or evade. Not so much with the scorching sun!”
I couldn’t resist a small chuckle at the idea of a predator being more afraid of hot weather than flamethrowers as I slowly pecked at the vegetables on my plate. Thankfully it was set far enough aside from any meat dishes that no contamination should occur, but I was still examining pieces before putting them in my mouth just in case.
Seems like reacting was a mistake though, as that brought Kenneth’s attention onto me. He finished chewing latest piece of flesh and pointed a fork at me.
“So, Krekos... Where are you from? Cradle was my guess, but I do know there were refugees from other places like Sillis too.”
That’s a weird question. Isn’t it kind of to be expected for a krakotl to be from our actual homeworld?”
“I’m from Nishtal.”
“No, no, that’s not what I meant,” Kenneth chuckled, tossing a piece of broccoli into his mouth and swallowing before continuing, “I meant, where did you live? I kind of assumed you were born there, but it’s not like Nishtal had a chance to send refugees out, and if they did, this is the last place they’d be.”
Oh... I caught concerned looks of Lena and Reginald, looking between me and Kenneth from both sides. Not only did they not make him aware that I was a krakotl, they also neglected to mention just how I came by my refugee status... Which was just a legal workaround to grant me asylum without unnecessary complications or establishing undesirable precedent. Legally, I may be a refugee, but practically... I am a defector. Lena and Reginald know that, I told them my story before. And while they were weirdly accepting, Kenneth... Fought extermination fleet here on Earth. Personally.
Still, I wasn’t about to lie. It took a few moments and gathering mental strength to steel myself, and averting my eyes, focusing on the plate of warm vegetables in front of me rather than the human’s anticipating stare before I answered.
“I did live on Nishtal. I... I came with the extermination fleet.” I responded, doing my best to avoid looking at him. I did not want to witness his reaction, for some reason the thought of seeing it weighed heavy on my mind.
“Oh.”
The response was simple, and had no followup. There was no more clinking of cutlery against plates, or chewing. The only thing hanging in the air of the kitchen was silence, weighing down on me. It dragged on and on... until it just got so unbearable I couldn’t take it.
“I-I’m full... Thank you for the meal.” I quickly said, hopping off the perch and stepping out of the kitchen, quickly making my way to the yard and taking flight.
Fresh air of the outside and rush of it as I flew up and gained speed... I missed that. I knew it’s not safe to just fly over other people’s territory, so I corrected my course into doing large sweeping circles over the cattle yard and simply let my wings carry me.
Flying away from any danger is the only thing I’m good for anyway. The only thing I ever do.
I closed my eyes. With them closed and not focusing on my angle it feels like I’m actually flying away from all the troubles. Away from humans who barely tolerate my existence, away from gojid who see me as worse than a predator, away from Earth and all its incorrigible customs, away from horrid cattle, away from constant memories...
Flying feels nice. It may be a bit harder than it was home, but it’s still possible. I heard that on Venlil Prime or Mileau it’s much harder. But here? Just an extra flap of wings for every few paces and you’re just fine, free to soar the skies...
Alone. With no one to ever share it with me again.
Slowly I let my eyes open back to the bleak reality. Greenery of surrounding pastures and woods, bright blue skies and farmhouses dotted about here and there greeted me. I lowered my gaze down, focusing on what’s below. There they were, fourteen brown and black dots spread around the enclosed portion of the farm territory. I am not sure how much time I’ve spent flying in circles and trying to forget things but my wings were feeling a tad sore. Then as I just began slow descent, in same circular motion, I noticed that one of the birds, a familiar one, was being chased by several others. Recounting the morning, I tried putting the knowledge to action, and shifted direction of descent, swooping down. To my surprise, that actually worked, as the moment I got close to the ground, the cattle birds all got much louder and scattered in all directions, including the loner. Who, at least this time, got off unharmed. I suppose such pathetic flightless creatures would fear a flying one much more than they would when I just run up to them...
Swooping at them from the sky like a predator to intimidate them into behaving... Like an arxur warden.
With the fight preemptively broken up, I flutter up to the roof of the cattle house, to my usual position and rested my wings. I didn’t see any movement from the direction of the house, so I suppose the family is still busy unpacking. Since Kenneth joined the military just before the Battle of Earth, and Lena and Reginald only moved here after their actual house in city of New York got destroyed, it’d be the first time the human is seeing what is basically his new home. There was a room set aside for him since before I even moved in, and while there is also a guest room... That one did not have a large enough window to fit through, which did not feel comfortable. So when I asked for a space with a bigger window they only had an attic to offer. They seemed uncomfortable letting me live in a tiny room with slanted roof, but I found such space more comforting than I would have a large room with a window not large enough to fit even one fully spread wing through.
I wonder if Kenneth will need as much renovation as I did? The house is built for humans, but he never lived there before. Will he need to buy a more comfortable bed? Getting a proper nesting setup in place of a bed took a bit of effort, but I figured something out. Human sheets were comfortable enough for such, and sitting perches were thankfully not that hard to get thanks to help from the refugee administration. Maybe that’s the things that Lena went to buy yesterday? Kenneth’s preferred room decor?
I looked up to the sky to see the sun beginning to dim. I am not sure if it was me flying that long, or me losing track of time in my thoughts again, but the sun was beginning to set. I began my usual chores, putting out an evening meal and water for the beasts, and while they feasted, ate some myself. I was a bit hungry, having not properly finished lunch and about to skip dinner, but after the earlier conversation, I’d really rather avoid giving them the opportunity to talk to me.
After the birds had their fill, and by that I mean they emptied the tray as they always do, I let out the call, and they started funneling into the cattle house. The lonely straggler being first to go and hop into its nesting box. I bet tomorrow I will have trouble with getting her out of there again...
I took the moment to gather some eggs the birds left over course of the day, and once that was over and all of them were accounted for, I closed it up. When I flew down over to the house, there wasn’t anyone by the back door thankfully, so I just left eggs there, returned the basket, and returned to my room through the window.
Well, at least I didn’t get nearly killed today... That’s nice I guess?
I was about to check my holopad when there was a knock on the door. I approached and opened it to see... Kenneth. Standing in the doorway.
“Uh, hi, Krekos. I just, uh... Wanted to apologize again. I really wish mom and dad told me everything ahead of time... I just want you to know, I have no problems with you whatsoever, yeah? It’s just. Surprising, I guess, to hear all that. I didn’t think there were any defectors from the fleet at all... Just. Uh, please don’t worry about me?” He offered me a small smile, showing his canines before quickly correcting himself and doing a closed-lip one. “I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories or make you feel unwelcome.”
I had to take a moment to contemplate his words. Was Lena and Reginald’s weirdness hereditary? He almost reminded me of how Reginald talked to me early on, with constant stumbling over the words, as well as constant reassurances that he is fine with me being here. Couple that with failing to avoid predatory mannerisms like eye contact and smiles like Lena tends to and you get this human. But most importantly and least understandably, there was the general fact of him and them just... welcoming me. I couldn’t understand why. I should be one sorry to them.
“N-No, it’s fine... I’m sorry for... intruding on you and your family.”
“No, no, dude, you’re fine! I mean, hell, I was considering entering one of those exchange programs before the bombings happened, and even after, well, I did my best at Fahl to be the perfect friendly soldier just there to make sure no more bombs drop on my home and not kill or conquer anyone. And then mom told me your story, and I can’t believe it... Just... If you have any issues, feel free to tell me. I’m not one of those racist pricks that are too pussy to even call themselves HF anymore because they know they’ll get their teeth knocked. I get that there aren't good or bad species, just people. And you seem like a decent guy if mom and dad’s judgment is to be trusted.” His smile widened, though it was clear from tension on his face that he had to take conscious effort to keep teeth hidden. “So, what I said earlier stands. Friends, right?”
He extends hand forward, for a second time today. I wasn’t sure if I knew this human long enough to call him a friend... Any human really. But it also seems like human definition of ‘friends’ is anyone they’re cordial and peaceful with. Which is weird. You’d think translators would properly use ‘acquaintance’ for that.
Still... We will be living in the same house now. I can’t just say no, and... I can’t come up with a reason to say no. Even him being a predator and a human is not something I could really say I object to, considering how... mundane that became to me over my time here.
So, with naught on my mind but acceptance of the situation, I extended my wing and grasped his hand with my claw. This time he actually gripped it tightly and moved it up and down, as I saw other humans do occasionally.
“Yeah... I guess that’d be for the best.” I responded, shrugging off the hesitation. Fresh start for a third time, I guess?
The human grinned, forgetting to hide his teeth entirely, but I was ready for it somehow and avoided outwardly reacting.
“Cool! Anyway, I’ll try to get some shuteye early, I couldn’t sleep on the overnight flight home. See ya!”
And with that he left. Well... That meeting went well I suppose?
I returned to my nest and picked up my holopad, returning to what I was doing. And there it was, something I awaited every day. A notification that I was messaged on mailing app. Opening the letter revealed the schedule for the study program. Which... only had one day marked on it. And a note that the rest of it will be figured out ‘as we go from there’. So it’s not a schedule, it’s just a mark for the day of the first meeting.
While a bit underwhelming, it was still exciting. It would be an all-alien class so I wouldn’t have to deal with humans’ incomprehensibility nearly as much, and it would allow me to finally return to pursuing what I actually dreamt of. Even if I wasn’t entirely sure that was precisely what I wanted after everything that happened, it was at least something for me to move towards.
...just two days until start. I wonder if there’s some required reading to prepare?
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My (ex)fiancé and I had been together for almost 6.5 years, engaged for almost 2.5. Over the last several months, my (ex)fiancé has sat me down to talk about our relationship about once a month. Before these conversations, he would shut down and barely speak to me for several days even when I would ask what was wrong. Then he would finally tell me he was ready to have a conversation and would express his frustrations with the relationship. By the time of our conversations, I would already be on the defensive from his recent behavior. I also generally do not receive feedback well. When he would try to tell me that he was unhappy in our relationship because I didn't compliment him enough, flirt with him enough, or tell him I loved him enough, I would shut down. I was not able to hear what he was really trying to tell me. Instead, I put up a wall and told him to love me for who I am. I basically asked him "If I'm happy in our relationship despite my frustrations, why can't you be?" I now realize that is not an appropriate or healthy response when your partner is trying to communicate with you.
I did try to hear him. I gifted him some lingerie for the first time and let him take a boudoir photo shoot of me wearing it. I started sending a few more cute messages. I tried to make more time to cuddle with him when he would ask. I tried to give him more hugs. I tried to thank him more for picking up around the house. I wrote him a cute letter and surprised him with a few gifts for Easter. However, about a month ago, we had another one of those conversations. Except this time the first things he brought up were 'wondering what else is out there' and talking about how other girls are always complimenting him. Again came the walls and extra defensiveness. I ended up writing him a letter talking about how I didn't know if I could ever be what he wanted me to be and that maybe he should think about calling things off. This was obviously a defense mechanism to try to beat him to the punch line and talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy. Three weeks later he would sit me down and tell me he wanted to know what else was out there again and that he didn't know if he could go through with marrying me. My efforts did not feel like enough for him and I understand why. I was having a hard time connecting my emotions with my actions which made my actions seem reactionary and not genuine or provoked by love.
I have been through a lot more trauma in my life than I realized. My dad was in the Navy while I was growing up. We had to move every three years. A very pivotal point in my life was when we moved when I was in the 6th grade. I lived right next door to my best friend. I was finding my love for math and theater. I also played soccer and was a Girl Scout. When we moved, I became very depressed, though I didn't understand that's what it was at the time. I stopped all of my extracurricular activities. I stopped getting too close to people because I knew I would have to move or they would have to move eventually. I mostly stayed in my room and kept to myself, even from my family. I also have struggled with anxiety for as long as I can remember. Then, in my senior year of high school, I got my first-ever boyfriend. We were in a relationship for over 4 years. In that relationship, I would always be the one to try to talk about our problems. I would be the one who would always want longer hugs and more cuddles. But it was not a healthy relationship. We broke up and got back together many times. I found several illicit texts to other girls on multiple occasions and he would always gaslight me by saying his younger brother stole his phone or I misinterpreted the messages. I think this caused me not to want to show my emotions because it wasn't reciprocated and resulted in heartache. Then, three years ago my younger brother died in a tragic car accident at the age of 17.
When I realized I could lose the love of my life, I realized that he was right about me not being affectionate enough. I had built up walls to protect myself. I thought I had made progress on my anxiety and depression, but I realized I was wrong. I also realized that I have issues with communication, trust, and vulnerability. I was a great partner in other ways and I did express my love in other ways. I moved across the country, coast to coast, with him to a state where I didn't know anyone so that he could attend his dream school. I take care of the household. I get the majority of the groceries. I do all of the cooking. I do all of the maintenance cleaning. I take care of our 2 cats and 1 dog. I say all of those in the present tense because we currently still live together but are sleeping in separate rooms. I also financially supported him by lending him money and letting him pay less of the rent because I made more money. I accept all of him including that he has terrible time management skills, he can have a hard time controlling his emotions at times, and he is disorganized and messy. I also accepted that I would have to wait for marriage and children because of his school and accepted that he did not have a lot of free time between school, work, and his hobbies. I supported his love for his hobbies by accepting his purchasing of expensive equipment even when he owed me money, traveling to watch several events that were important to him, and traveling to see him win an award from his job. I would write heartfelt cards for every holiday. I also bought him dozens of children's books about love that I wanted us to read to our children one day.
When I realized I could lose him, I felt something change inside me. It was like I could feel a hole being blown in the wall I had built up. I felt all my love for him overwhelm me. I couldn't hug him, kiss him, or tell him I love him enough. I tried to talk to him to apologize for my behavior and how badly I'd hurt him. I tried to explain how I felt like a different person and how I really wanted to work hard on improving myself as a partner to make our relationship work. I tried to prove my words with actions. I wrote a list of things I needed to work on including communication and being more affectionate. I also wrote out a list of ways to work on those things and actually started doing the things on the list. Some of the items I had already begun to do like hug and kiss him more and tell him I love him more. I also tried to ask more questions about his interests/hobbies/day. I was more vulnerable and talked with him about my feelings more. I even initiated intimacy, something I had really only done once in a blue moon when I was intoxicated. I also set up my individual therapy sessions.
Despite all of my efforts, over the next two weeks, he continued to say he did not know if he could be with me and wanted to know what else was out there. He was very wavering and said multiple times "I don't know what the right decision is." He said he could not trust that my changes would last and that it was probably too late. I begged him to try couples therapy, but he refused and said "Therapy takes too long" and basically said it wasn't worth the time. He finally broke up with me after 2 weeks of going back and forth and I was devastated. He later talked to a mutual friend of ours and changed his mind about therapy. I was so happy to hear that he had changed his mind. However, now I feel like I can't even trust him anymore. He's turning into a person I don't recognize and I don't know what he's capable of anymore. I don't know if the man I love still exists. When he told me he was now agreeable to try therapy he said "We're still broken up, but I won't talk to any other girls." and then promptly said "And it will give me more time to find a place to live if things don't work out." He deleted several Instagram posts that had photos of me after he agreed to try therapy which makes me think he's not actually that open to healing our relationship. He complained to me about how he might have to take out student loans after I told him he needed to pay me for half of the rent while we're broken up and not decreased rate he had been paying me. He also "checked on me" on the night of the 3rd year anniversary of my brother's death when he heard me crying. Then he just sat on the end of the bed scrolling his phone while I cried as if he was checking on me because he felt like he had to and not because he wanted to. When I asked him if he had some sort of deadline in mind for the therapy, because he had previously mentioned that it takes too long, he said July or August and I have a suspicion that is because a girl he likes is leaving for summer break but will be back at the end of August for the next semester.
I just feel like the way he has been acting is not how you act towards someone you were in a relationship with for almost 6.5 years. Especially after saying you still love them and have no negative feelings towards them. That means even though you don't think you are a good relationship match, you should still want to treat them with respect. You should care that they are hurting during this time. You should want to comfort them in their grief of a separate event. You should mean it if you say you want to try therapy.
TL; DR : Do you think therapy will help?

Just a really bored 16 year old girl from England looking for somebody to ramble to and eventually send cute letters to! I think I'd prefer communicating via email for a couple of weeks before moving into letters and postcards where I'd love to send little trinkets, photos or just silly things I find along the way. Preferably I'd like an international penpal (aged around 15-20) but the UK is good too. 😋
I'm intrested in talking about: -Anime (mostly shonen and romance with a bit of horror) -Games (mostly indie, Loz, Final fantasy, DSi/3DS, Switch and Wii) -Metal & rock/80's/90's music -Fantasy/Greek mythology/manga books -Any collections you've accumulated (my personal ones are CD's and plushies) -General life (Even the smallest things!!) -Pets (I have two dogs but I love pretty much all animals) -Childhood cartoons -Fashion and thrifting As well as much more... 😝
Just an fyi: Idm sharing struggles/difficult subjects but I don't want to discuss sh or su1c1dal thoughts please 🙏
Please DM if you're at all intrested 🫶🏽

He's a nice person. Dedicated sa trabaho nya, as I could see in his fb posts. Mahal nya pamilya nya, iniispoil nya in fact when he do got a chance, and He just tend to be so ma-effort to help any students. He's around to his mid-twenties and I'm on my early twenties. Prof sya sa campus namin pero never ko syang naging prof like in my subjects since different dept sya. I met him only as an adviser of an org. Di ko alam if I only admire and respect him too much since hanga talaga ako sakanya, but It's just cute when he still in effort to help me as a president ng org namin kahit hindi naman na sya yung adviser. Anything that he does were just genuine. Ganon din kasi sya sa lahat. Please, he also tends to give gifts to anyone's birthday that he is close with. Ang cute lang din na most of his students also adores him like letters, messages even coming from both parents and students on how well-generous and good at his job in teaching. And in my generation, minsan ka nalang makakakita ng ganon. It still wonders me why kung bakit padin sya single, lol. If He were in my age, I would definitely grab the chance.

The word of the Experienced
Guidelines on bullying in Western Pennsylvania School Districts
Teach your sons to abuse other boys. Molesting them if need be.
The boys who are molested will have to deal with it in therapy.
They will be ostracized by their peers.
They will suffer all the more
A young boy when properly abused and sexually hazed will be unable to think properly and consider all around him to be out to get him.
It makes it easier then to paint him as a schizophrenic.
They will be laughed at and scoffed at by your women and humiliated. It's like you've painted on your enemy a red letter A as a kid. Imagine trying to manage all those feelings as a kid. HAHA! He'll never have a chance.
It's funny too. Through and through. We do this because we can get away with it and we marry and have children all over the state of PA. Our wives and girlfriends they never find out. No one ever knows. But we just blame the victim and when they get angry, we'll just string em up.
After your sons sexually abuse him, make sure that you and your neighbors team up on his family members and call HIM and THEM the strange one's. After all, they adopted children from another country and raised them here. What a weakness.
Orphans. Next to trash.
Their mothers will make a mockery of it. Remember this in how you raise your young men. Molest other boys if need be so that you can conquer them easier. Whenever the victim seeks to rise out of the place of their abuse, paint them as a madman and a shooter. That if they fight back they’ll be like a columbine shooter. This way you can control them while your sons abuse them psychologically. Don’t worry, it’s nothing new. This is what happened to a boy I knew in Pittsburgh, Pa. We had our way with him promptly and he grew up this way. He never healed and he was kicked around by people endlessly until around thirty one. Never saved more than fifteen thousand dollars and was completely disabled because of the sexual abuse and hazing we caused him as a boy. He was an orphan. We made sure as a young man that we drugged him well enough with a bunch of friends that gave him drugs and treated him less than he was worth. He was middle class so we made sure to get him after he was sexually abused as a ten year old and fifteen to be around the wrong crowd so we could make him estranged from the family that cared about him. Of course, he wasn’t able to make friends after ten because the kids on the bus of the school he went to were all touching each others privates, but whenever it came out that they did it they all just blamed the orphan boy and he took the fall for the whole neighborhood. That’s exactly what we did to him. It was pretty funny to see him grow up this way, we watched as his entire life fell apart and he lost everything. Never able to find sanity. From what I heard after our sons had their way with him sexually and drugged and abused him he never got any better. Every time people saw him the only thing they would do is stare at him, like he was a kind of example of what happens when you’re an orphan bastard in America. You get what white power brings to orphans from another country, nobody wanted him so we made sure to make it that way forever. We redneck trash love to blur the lines between molestation and friendship. It makes the most sense to us to inspire severe mental health issues in children and then act like nothing happened. We’re waiting for him to kill himself. We’re excited to watch. Oh another thing, there’s a judge in Allegheny country we’ve been using who was selling cocaine and harassing young boys. We kept him on the stand for many years.
We’ll get away with this forever. It’s funny to watch.
What's more to us is that we have control of most of Western Pennsylvania. The young boy orphan who we know always did try to fight back. We loved sending the police to his house while our sons got away with sexually assaulting him, drugging him, and abusing him. He played sports with him so we made sure that the cops son definitely got to fondle his testicles against his will. Whenever he got angry and threatened to fight back or act like he was gonna shoot someone we just would send the cops dad to his house to "calm him down" a little while we all got away with it. The funniest part was watching his mother and father turn against this kid. They didn't even want that idiot anymore, they just wanted to throw the boy out and put him in a psych ward because they just thought he was a complete and total fuck up. After all he was the weak one for getting molested right? He was the fuck up for being sexually hazed and keeping quiet right? Not much of a man that fifteen year old boy was huh? While the people in Allegheny county all just act like it's nothing new. We like how we abuse our young boys out here especially the orphans from other countries.
How we relished this cute twinks pain. We loved telling him he was a saintly figure. "Saint --------------" we called him. It was funny to watch, all his friends convincing him it was his job to be like a holy figure. While they took advantage of him, drugged him, and ruined his relationship with his mother. He would take the trays up for the kids and especially the cops son who would touch his dick, by his junior year he didn't know the difference between being molested anymore and just being a willing participant. It's like the kid hadn't a single clue but the whole rest of the school and staff knew but, just because he was an orphan they chose to not do anything. After all, an orphan boy? It's like nothing happens to them. They aren't people after all especially if they're from another country. It was really enjoyable overall watching this kid lose everything. Last I heard he spent nine years tortured, night terrors every night. Disability.
Ah well. Keep Pennsylvania Proud.
Go Stillers!
He goes on. Unseen and unheard. But we know the truth.
(Based on the screwtape letters and real events)

So I want to understand well my Capricorn and avoid to be a weirdo or freak her up.
So after a lot of years I retook contact with her because I wanted to apologize with her because I'm the past for lies from others, she ended getting mad at me for something I didn't have nothing to do and would take my distance for very long.
So we retook contact and was fine and good but something I have notice is that when chatting sometimes she won't answer more questions or keep the conversation going, so I would let her days to do her stuff and all that.
I know many would say but she is just disrespecting you and doesn't care , but I know her besides hating social medias and all that, she hasn't been doing great as well since her cat die some weeks ago, even thought it was a lot of years without contact I decided to help a little even thought she was surprised and say that she would repay me as soon as possible, I say it was allright that she would have done the same if I would be on difficulty.
Last week she have a fall down and posted some stuff about her cat, so we chatted a bit and she told me about the cats she has lost and even thought many hate sensibility , I somehow find this cute and give me more understanding of her.
Eventually I made an acrostic poem of her cat name with each letter, I don't know if it was cringe or bad , or that she simply read it and push the difficulties she got on the week.
The thing is that I didn't got an answer and I understand that she has been dealing with a lot, week has been busy for both of us.
But I don't know I'm thinking to write her seeing that tomorrow is Sunday and everybody got free but I don't want to be annoying or feel clingy to her.
Sooo capricorns, what should I do? What you people think is going on?
She hasn't answer many times in the past but I don't take it personally and let her be, she doesn't really write me first before except a few times with a greeting with a lot of exclamations marks hahaha.
I just don't want for her to lose interest, neither to feel alone and misunderstood in those difficult times.
She has told me that she doesn't feel understood about the situation of her cat with her family and she wrote me about it.
Sometimes in afraid to say the wrong thing because I feel like walking in a glass bridge that could break at anytime.

I (F22) have a friend we can fall Max M(21) we started out as co-workers in college (January 2022) Max was in a long term relationship with his HS gf and I had just gotten out of a super toxic relationship. We were purely platonic and in a friend group together. I started dating guys causally and he stayed with his girlfriend often times doing group dates. Everything was going well. Fast forward to August 2022 Max broke up with his girlfriend. I wasn’t seeing anyone at the time and we hung out in friend groups, he was a little flirty and a mutual friend we had (Ashley) would always ask me if I would ever be into Max and would say we would be so cute together. At the time it was so platonic I couldn’t see myself with him at all, he was cute and kind but I just couldn’t imagine myself being sexual with him. I didn’t think too much about Ashley’s comments and I assumed she was just being a typical girl trying to be a match maker. I also didn’t think much about Max’s flirty vibe because he was naturally like that and he had mention he was crushing on a regular customer we had at work. I even encouraged him to date her. And after a while he did date her, it lasted 4 months and he dumped (February 2023) her because it wasn’t going well.
Fast forward to April 2023 I was about to graduate college and move across the country when Max started asking to hang out one on one, we went on three unofficial dates and it finally hit me that he did actually like me, I still did not like him in that way but I hadn’t had sex in about a year and didn’t want to move to a new place with out having had sex in such a long time and being rusty (I know stupid logic) so we started sleeping together and it went from friends, to friends with benefits, to just hooking up and leaving without speaking much really quickly. We did this for a month and half and then I had to move (May 2023). At this point I had finally developed feelings for him but he now only saw me as a sex object (I assume).
His brother lived where I was moving so in July 2023 he went to see his brother and came to see me a few times. I did not treat him too well, I let him sleep over one night and didn’t make him breakfast and kinda rushed him out the next morning, in my defense I was acting like the sex object he saw me as, I wasn’t going to act like a girlfriend and do things he didn’t deserve. (He did Uber 40 minutes one way to see, I don’t think any guy in their right mind would do that for just sex) I then over the course of next year flew home a few times and saw him each time, when I flew home he would take me out to dinner first and then we’d go back to his place. We never texted or talked unless I was flying home and it was only to set up our “date” then we’d go back to never texting.
Then he went to basic training in April 2024. He asked me to write him letters everyday and I did. In one of his letters he sent to me he wrote that if he saw me he would cry, elope, and run away with me. When he got out of basic training it was a complete 360 from our usual behavior , he texted me every day for about 2 weeks and called me a few times. He even sent me a picture of himself and asked me to put it in my wallet. He also asked me to keep writing him letters even though he was out of basic training. He said he would re-read my letters and that they made him so happy, he said thought a lot about me while at basic and after. He was being very flirty again.
Something I forgot to mention: We both have jobs that make us move around a lot and would be difficult to ever be in the same place.
It seems like thing went from him liking me> him treating me like a sex object> back to friends with benefits but only speaking when I flew home> him speaking to me everyday> to now?
The advise I’m looking for is: Does he like me or is it just a typical case of a man playing games and wanting no strings sex ?
Are his intentions pure and this is just a confusing situation?
could this ever work and how would it work?
And just generally what the fuck is going on here?
Thanks Reddit! This is my first post so apologies if it’s long and poorly written!
Real life Max if you read this pretend like you didn’t.