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“I hate it.”
Mareus slapped his mouth and bit down on his lips in a futile attempt to capture his half-asleep words. His body tensed while listening for any signs of the stranger, bracing himself for some monster of a person to come rushing from the dark to finish him off.
Though, it didn’t matter in the end if they were paying attention to him or not. They clearly already knew where he was and, for some reason, chose to leave him alone after pulling him from the rubble and treating his injuries.
He clutched at his stomach, his hunger pangs goading him to push aside the anxiety and crawl his way towards the bowl still waiting patiently for him. There were no signs of it being changed or infested by any of the creatures hiding away, in fact, a gentle warmth still radiated from it. A pleasant aroma floated through the still air as if it had a will of its own, enticing him like some carnivorous flower lying in wait.
Mareus ignored his pain and fatigue as he absentmindedly made his way closer to the beckoning meal. What was he so worried about? If the stranger hadn’t done anything yet, then they probably weren’t going to from the start. It wasn’t like he was in any state to resist them anyway.
That’s right. He justified. It’s just sitting there, waiting for me.
The bowl was only a breath away now. Mareus stretched against his bandages enough for the wrappings around his fingers to brush the rim before the markings let out a faint light and constricted his body. He was almost there and wouldn’t give up, one more time he resisted their binding and was able to hook his finger on the inside of the rim.
Putting all the strength he had into the one finger he fought against the rough, uneven ground to reel in his catch. A faint glow lit up the black stone and his heart stopped before his restraints forced his arm back. Spilling his only food in a mocking halo as the bowl rolled on its side.
That was it, his only food mixed in with the wet dirt of the cave floor. He almost dove at it before realizing the intense hunger and drive he had was now fading away. His hunger was still there to some degree, but now it was more like an emptiness scratching at the back of his stomach. The overwhelming desire to eat was almost entirely gone.
A faint breeze brought his attention back to the bowl and he watched as markings like the ones on his bandages let out one last dim breath of light. When they went dark his hunger returned to the back of his mind.
After crawling back into his hole, the cave was filled with the sounds of hundreds of insects rushing over and feasting on the spilled meal. The echoes of chitin tapping on stone and trudging through the mush assaulting his ears. Covering his ears only replaced their frenzy with the sound of his blood flowing through his ears.
Mareus alternated between listening to the rhythmic thumps lulling him to sleep and the chittering that convinced him, more than once, that the insects had crawled in his ears. The minutes drawing into hours, maybe even days, as reason began slipping away.
A gentle clack of wood being placed on stone silenced the world.
He carefully rolled over and saw another bowl, the insects were gone, the mess was cleaned. It was like everything that happened was a dream, only this time he didn’t have this unnatural drive compelling him to reach the bowl.
Whatever the markings were meant to do, this one didn’t seem to have them. He watched as the cave life made their way back to his food. They didn’t attack it right away this time, instead they circled their prey waiting for the right time. Mareus closed his eyes and focused on listening for their movements when he heard a damp thud that must have been one of them falling in the food.
That sound must have been the signal the rest were waiting for because they converged on the meal and devoured with a gluttony he didn’t know they were capable of. Despite the gut churning sounds, he focused on every bit as he counted his heart beat.
Two thousand four hundred and twenty…seven.
The cave had finally settled down again as the insects returned to their hiding places. Mareus kept counting though, he had to stay focused so he could figure out how to tell when the stranger was coming. He had no idea how often they came by but he needed to learn anything he could if he wanted to make it back home.
Twenty-eight thousand seven hundred and ninety-five.
Muffled steps approached the bowl and wordlessly replaced it with another, the gentle clank dancing around the cave walls. Words wanted to leave his mouth, to ask the stranger questions, to make demands. But, what would he say, what could he say?
Mareus’ chest tightened as he tried to find the words, his mind struggling with the growing distraction of the empty feeling in his stomach. They were gone as silently as they arrived.
He started counting again. Using the hunger pangs to fight his body’s cries for sleep he waited out another four or five changes of the bowl. He couldn’t remember exactly anymore as his guard lightened and the exhaustion wrapped around him like a warm blanket. Against his best effort sleep finally took him.
The elders were watching over the younger generations going about their routines. The whole village was in the middle of doing their morning exercises with the sunrise, the bigger clans and families had their yards filled with people flowing from stance to stance, while the smaller families gathered in front of the Elder’s Hall or practiced in their gardens.
Before he knew it, Mareus was running errands and was racing pass villagers tending to fields of medicinal herbs and vegetables while guards kept their eyes on the edge of the forest for any signs of wild beasts.
Then one day a doctor from some big sect visited them and told him that he had the cure to his diverted meridians. The village elders held a big celebration in front of their hall and they had a special ceremony where Granny Hua accepted him as a disciple. When he looked out to the crowd, the sun shone on hundreds of smiling faces.
Tears ran down his face as he smiled and waved at everyone. The salty taste made the world shimmer like a painting being washed away.
Please don’t go. He thought.
The infection of reality found its way into his heart and the dream continued to shimmer before warping and twisting the scene from before.
Mountains of rubble replaced the beautiful homes that stood for generations. One after another the people fell while letting out muted screams. Smoke began to fill the air like some ghostly fog and ash painted the now faceless bodies strewn everywhere. Bodiless cries fought with one another to be helped.
Mareus fell to his knees at the center of the destruction while pleading. “Please, don’t do this. Don’t take them from me again.”
The one eyed man towered over him, tall enough for his hair to brush the clouds. The evil in his clenched grin poured out like a thick miasma that choked him as he watched Sister Mai rushing over.
He tried to scream at her to stay away but his voice was now completely cut off. Mareus now stood over himself watching the helpless child he truly was, he followed his own pleading gaze and turned to watch a young woman he recognized but couldn’t place at the moment.
She picked up a piece of a wooden beam and charged at him, her tears turning to blood as she let out a voiceless scream.
Mareus quickly searched the sky for his enemy, Where are they? Why is it so quiet?
When he looked back down his arm was through the back of the woman and he finally recognized the angry face staring daggers at him as the light left her eyes.
He watched as the giant man turned back to him and let Mai’s lifeless body fall to the ground. The crimson drenching the monster’s hand leaking and painting his own with the blood of the woman he called his big sister.
The one eyed man shot into the air and the force of the impact shook him awake.
It was easier to fight his exhaustion this time as he waited for the stranger to replace the bowl. When they replaced it this time, they lingered as if they wanted to say something. This time the anger and pain he felt didn’t let him hesitate.
“Wh-“ His dry unused voice turned into a breath. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Why…”
The effort of forcing that whisper was already difficult, he wanted to say so much more. He couldn’t tell if they were still waiting in the dark, or if they were even willing to listen. His voice was clawing to get out, he was tired of waiting.
His skin buzzed as he waited and moistened his throat. The question was out there now, at least the most important part. ‘Why?’ There was so much more racing through his mind that he could add while the presence remained silent.
Why me? What made you save me? Why didn’t you leave me with them? Why do I have to be alone?
An unseen pressure grew in the dark as his question went unanswered. It was like the chill he would get coming back late at night and he felt like something was watching him from the forest, waiting to pounce. It kept growing sharper until a sudden cool warmth touched the nape of his neck and gingerly ran down the length of his back.
A cold, yet familiar feeling voice finally broke the silence. “It would be a waste. Letting such a potential vanish from this world.”
The stranger brushed the matted hair from his neck. Their simple and straightforward gesture giving off the feeling of a beast playing with its catch knowing it could kill it at anytime.
“I feel for your loss, truly. My heart aches for the ill fate that placed those ‘experts’ in your home. I couldn’t allow your path to end because of a game between mere children.” Their voice danced between compassionate and venomous.
The gentle pressure of them rubbing his back relaxed him and Mareus became even more aware of how tired and sore his body was. Although, as they continued it felt like everything faded away. Not so much as if he was being relieved of everything, it was more like everything was being taken away and swallowed by a void that wouldn’t make him take it back.
Mareus sat up slowly and with a hoarse voice he asked. “What makes me so special?” He inhaled, “Why didn’t you stop them?!” His scream tore into his lungs and filled his throat with the taste of iron.
Water filled his eyes as he faced the disembodied presence.
The stranger gently embraced him, their cool robes enveloping him. “Poor child.”
“You could have saved all of th-em.” His trembling voice couldn’t hide the pain any longer. Still, Mareus stared through blurry eyes and did his best to look them in the face.
A thin hand brushed away his tears. “My sweet boy, I’m sorry I couldn’t be there sooner. Their battle had already moved south, and what they left behind…” They trailed off.
While wrapped in their arms he listened to the grief in their voice. Unsure of what to think anymore. Why did they wait so long? Why did they leave me here in the dark? Were they hurt too? Mareus found himself wondering if he was being selfish.
“Before I could chase after them, I sensed the faint trace of your life clinging on to any shred of hope. After digging you out and applying some emergency medicine I lost track of their energies. Instead of searching for them I made the decision to at least make sure you survived.”
Mareus realized that there was something ethereal in the way they talked. Their tone wasn’t distant, but at the same time it felt like they were a world away from him. The image of a mother apologizing for something she wasn’t responsible for popped in his mind.
His body began to feel lighter than it had been since he woke up in the cave. “Thank you.” He relented.
He gingerly wiped away his tears as if testing if his body would suddenly start listening to him. When he opened them again, the dark world that surrounded him expanded and he could now see all the way to the other wall of the cave.
Am I really not in the afterlife? He thought.
The formless shadow of his savior was replaced with a celestial fairy that stepped out from one of Elder Guo’s stories and descended into this pit to comfort him. She wore a snow white hanfu with a wide sash that hugged tightly against her. The sleeves and hem were far longer than normal like if the seamstress forgot to remove the excess material.
Her otherworldly appearance stood out against the darkness with her iridescent skin illuminating the cave. Her shadow like hair, even darker than the surroundings blackness. She looked like a master craftsman had picked the most exquisite material to craft a lifelike doll that would shatter if you looked at it the wrong way. Only to the fill that doll with the essence of deepest parts of the night sky.
Mareus completely forgot his fatigue as he collapsed into a bow and laid his head to the floor. In an attempt to imitate the older members of his village when speaking to the elders, he said. “I apologize for being so disrespectful. I humbly want to thank the generous immortal for saving this life.”
His body trembled from the effort of supporting his weight, but he continued to wait as sweat formed on the back of his neck and ran down his face. Unsure of what this heaven-like being would do to him if he had disrespected her further.

I came across this page a month or so ago . To be honest, I’m glad I’m not alone when reading these posts . Some backstory about my journey…. I’m a 32yr(m) I have struggled with anxiety / depression all my life . I only started taking Lexapro when the pandemic hit . I only needed the Lexapro for about 6 months and was able to stop taking it . Fast forward to July of 2023. I had my normal routine of a day. Had a good day at work , had dinner with my growing family, took my pre-workout and to the gym . After the gym I always smoked before I went to bed . I’ve been smoking the same strain(hybrid) for months now and never had any issues . That night changed everything for me …… I had my first ever panic attack. Super tight chest, pounding heart rate, shaking uncontrollably , and my face going completely numb. Since July of last year, I’ve lost 60 pounds, had 3 EKG and one ER visit. My EKGs come back completely normal and perfect. For almost a year, I have tried Lexapro, Setraline , Vylar, and busiprone. I’ve had had terrible side effects to all of them…. Busiprone being the worst. As of two months ago, I said screw it and went to an internal medicine doctor and had a full blood panel done . My cortisol levels came back super high( shocker) vitamin B and D super low, testosterone very low, and my thyroid t4 levels high . I now currently take all natural supplements, eating paleo style diet, no caffeine or alcohol. Still struggle daily with anxiety bouts and usually have about 3-5 panic attacks a week . I’m trying my best to be patient… but my god does things ever become semi normal again . Stay strong everyone

Ik blood weave and shadow gods lineage have been discussed a thoisand times but I'm going to make it 1001.
So we know weavers lineage devoured shadow gods in the form of blood weave consuming shadow gods ichor and it hasnt really done much but slightly increase sunnys healing. But is this all that consuming a divine item would've done? I dont think so.
So before i say what i think has happened to blood weave after it has consumed shadow God's ichor, i will talk about what a divine lineage normally does. So we've seen entire clans of people that have divine lineages and these are the house of night (storm god lineage), valor clan (war god lineage), song clan (beast god lineage) and immortal flame clan (sun god lineage). So we know that most if not all memebers born of this clan have their specific gods lineage flowing through their veins.
So down to wjat i believe the lineages do. I believe the lineages make it so that the aspect that each holder of the lineage has, aligns with one of the authorities that the god jas control over. For instance for war god clan, we see that most of the members that we are shown have an aspect that is related to swords with the exception being mordret who has an aspect related to mirrors. Although i still think that is related to war god in a way but i will not explain that in this post. Another example would be house of night where most if not all of their members have aspects related to water and the sea.
So with that being said I'm gonna assume that the shadow god lineage would've given Sunny more affinity with shadows and made it so his future generations developed shadow aspects too. It porbably wouldve also boosted all his aspect abilities and the strength of his shadow creations. Now with that out of the way lets talk about what i believe has happened to blood weave and why G3 got rid of it.
So i believe that blood weave has consumed shadows lineage and is now altering Sunny's body with the essence of shadows. Weve seen with prior examples that gods lineages have no effect on the body and people still retain their normal himan flesh unless it is changed by their aspect. However weavers lineage is opposed to that as with every new attribute for weaver that sunny gets his body is mutated depending on the attribute. So bone weave mutated his bones and blood weave mutated his blood. While soul weave mutated his soul cores.
My theory is that blood weave has shadow gods shadow essence inside of it now and with each rank up sunny gets his blood weave attribute gets stronger and it is slowly turning every pary of his body that blood runs to into some shadow and flesh amalgamation so that sunny can have both the fluidity of shadows while javing the toughness of a physical body and keeping the power of his weaves active. He will be able to use shadow incarnation without having to use shadow step first and he will keep the bonuses that blood weave and bone weave give him while his form has changed.
So rn it hasnt altered his body as much but i believe with each succeeding rank it will change his natural flesh more and more until he jas a shadow flesh body.

Was taken off my 20mg a few months ago, and got put back on about a month ago when I started having anxiety again. Having heart palpitations all the time, nausea, and sleeping 12 hours a day after having trouble sleeping. Not to mention the anxiety and depression that hasn't improved on top of that. Went to urgent care a couple weeks ago and blood pressure, blood sugar, heartrate, ECG, oxygen were all fine. I feel exhausted and want to hear from others what their experiences are or what they recommend.

prefacing this by saying i am not yet diagnosed with epilepsy, but my neurologist and doctors agree that it seems like i am having focal aware seizures. i am on gabapentin 300mg 3x daily for pain and tingling, with the added bonus of it being an anticonvulsant.
time for long context: i am a 22 year old trans man, who about 8 months ago, started having these strange “seizure like episodes” alongside other neurological symptoms. these episodes generally start as a tingling in my face and head and a rising feeling in my stomach, followed by intense fear, raised heart rate, a feeling of low blood sugar when my blood sugar is normal or even high, and a change in awareness (everything looking fake, feeling like i just took a massive dab for the first time, floaty and dizzy.) sometimes i will feel a bit dizzy and wobbly beforehand or see bright colors in my vision. afterwards, i usually have full body shakes that can last a very long time, but we think that part is just adrenaline.
i saw a neurologist, who immediately thought i may have chiari malformation due to these episodes and my other symptoms, so i had an eeg and brain mri done. she told me that i am almost certainly having seizures, but that she didnt know yet if they were focal aware or non epileptic.
results came in, aaand mri and eeg were normal. my neurologist basically told me “you have many worrying symptoms, but the tests were normal and i cant tie them to anything. you do not need to see me again.” at the time i had these tests done i had not been having episodes frequently in a while, and the ones i did have were brief and felt more like warnings. she said that would not affect anything and the eeg still would have shown something.
now, 3 days after my neurologist basically gave up on me, things are getting bad again. yesterday i guess i was too stressed or did not sleep enough. i was so exhausted all day, and felt very off. around 6pm, i had several episodes in close succession. i felt it coming while i was starting dinner and immediately ran to bed thinking it was going to be like usual, but instead was greeted with almost an hour of hell. it was a feeling of “oh god its coming,” followed by a short episode, followed by feeling strange and unnerved, and then “oh god its coming” again. i called a nurses line and they suggested i go to the er, but i did not have a ride and didnt feel an ambulance was necessary so i stuck it out. i felt awful and scared the rest of the night, but had to finish dinner after a short recovery nap, then went to bed around 11pm. .
i got 10 solid hours of sleep, but today i feel just as bad. i am so incredibly fatigued even after an afternoon nap. no episodes today thus far, but i feel uneasy and strange, like i could have one at any moment. i am so lucky i have my fiancé who has tonic clonics here to watch me, because i think i’d be absolutely terrified without them.
because of this, i am making an appointment with my pcp asap. i want to ask for a referral to a new neurologist and see if there is anything else they can do for me.
now, finally, the question. i felt detailed context was necessary for this.
what do i need to ask my doctor? should i pursue only a neurologist, or are there other specialists that could help me? should i ask about a sleep study? anything else? i am so lost on this as my doctors have been very unhelpful and have not given me much information as to what is going on.
thank you all, and apologies for the crazy long post.

My LIfe Is Worth More Than 36 Apples I was am a sole from this point on. The moths of darkness just began a fetus in the woumb. Both mother and father have litle knolige of my existance my begening is heare hethy with nknone emosion untill I was sliced from my mother. My parents fell in love with me from the begening little did they know that tere was somthing wrong. It was not there falt I think that I loved them at that point to. I was dieing. My heart broken by imprefection that only flesh offers to the potentialy imortal relm of God placed soil named Earth. Spoler alert I servive otherwise you would not be reading this. One day out of my life I fely horible sick beyond what the doctors had already fixed I was dieing still alive but dieing why they “forgot” ( neglected) to tell my parents that I have a paralised vocla chord is beond even my ant’s comprehencion and she is a sergical nerce. What made them fear my parents? What made them fear so much that they could not tell my perents what hppened? I ask these questions so often that I wonder why I servived. That is when one day out of my life I felt amasing like God was truly there to witness me changing to somthing worth more than any dimond in the world. My parents kept me alive by questining the doctors did so little. My grandmother prayed so much I wonder how I survived. One day of my life I felt horible Thank the lord that I was not dieing my great gradfather was putt to sleap in his grave I now have a feading tube one year old no birthday cake for me. I gess that there is where my life chages yet again. I wonder how I survived. One day out of my life I felt Exuberant I am two years old ,Birthday cake ;-) Yay, my first ever the tube is gone. My parrents still wotty but they realy don’t have to any more until laiter. Gram is there. So is most of my family. I love my gram so much at this point I would taher be at her houce than at home there is so much I still have to live for. One day out of my life I feal loved I am at home having fun with my gram telling her stories that I make up as I go along. She loves me I know it in my heart. There are not enugh words, colors, and sounds to describe what I felt in this world at that moment for my little mind to wrap its gentle fingers around I am less than five years old so the only resion that I remember is a home movie. It is a wonder that I survived. One day out of my life it is near cristmass I could be five but I am not certan I thaught tis memory a dream until my mother told me the story. I was sick enugh that my parents thaught that I was dieing. I had an ear infection, pnumonya, and somthing elce my mother can not remenber. I wonder why I survived. One day out of my life I am still five and going to kindergaden I love to run around and hide out undeneath the slides if only I knew what the world was than I probabley whould not have kissed a boy on the lips so soon. I shold have knone that such an act as this was for the day of prom or highscool. I was definatly not ready for being in love, nor was I ready to kiss boys impishly under the that particular Emitsberg Elimentery slide. The boy’s confusion was so great that I belive he ither liked me or he did not know who I was to tell the teacher what had happened. Ither way I grew up way to quikly and at the same time to slowly for my mothers liking. I would barly clean my room thak the lord for her patince at this poit in my life, other wise I woder how I did survive. One day out of my life I was in first grade imaging what life would be like on the moon. I was listening to the teacher but I could not for the life of me was i being sent to lern how to read and wright when I already knew how to do both of those things. What where they thinking I neaded more help with math than with reading and spelling I could study those wordes and sentance structures. Why did they chose to give me exta practice in my faverite subject the only problem I had was telling lowecace B’s from lowercace D’s until a nice teacher taught me a trick invalving the word bed. Putt your fingers on your left hand so that it resembles a lowecace B than have your fongers on your right hand resemble a lowercace D place coth hannds together and make a bed B.E.D. that was somthing that realy helped it was so ingraind in my nogin that after just that one clarifacaition I had the difrence betwean D and D down pat. I read Juny B. Jones boks up the wasoo after that and most of my class was reading picture books that where to easy so I stoped reading them. I didn’t check out books from the scool library because I had books at home to read if I remember corectly. My parents sau that it was the comprehensin part I gess that I understood the book’s meaning but not the questin of “ How did the caractar change throughout the story?” silly me I putt ( this is acording to my mother) “The carictar did nit change throuout the story. There is no mension of her getting dresset,” I wonder how I survived. One day out of my life i am repeating first grade. I thaught that there where only two years of school I thaught that if i passed this year that i would not have to go to school any more nobosy told me otherwise because i kept the thaught to myself because i was so sure that I was corect that I did not tell a sole nor, angel, not even God, but I gess he knew that anyway even without me telling him. I gess that if God dose laph that he might have been lafing at me and I would laph with him once I came to realise my childish ignerance at the age of seven and a half. I realy do not know why I relised that particalar fanticy was falce but I gess that visiters from the fith grade shook that idea right past my young lips and took me from that faticy I was somhow living in at the time. As I wright this I am sitiosly remided of that anoying yet cachy toon of the Caillou theme song whn it said “ Growing up is not so tuff…” I would like to add to that paticular snippit by saying that being or fealing grown up is the hard part. Thank the lord I was still just growing up at this point otherwise I have no clue of how i would have survived. One day out of my life I learn that Gram is moving to West Bend I was so confused because I remember saying to her that “ we will live togther forever.” than she aked me with such a look upon her face that surly I had no anser to this “what if I move?” my anser to this of corce was “we will move to” I loved my grandmother so much at that point that I thaught that my parents not looking for a new houce was a betrayel of what was going on until... One day out of my life I find out that we are moving at first I thaught that this would remidy the we will live togerhher forever situaiton, but it just only remidied the if you move we move situaiton. This was just after I found out that we where moving from Airshire to Ankeny instad of to West Bend this is in ither late may or early june we are looking for a place to live we looked at some two story houces but we came upon this nice single story ranch it is a nice place to be but I wish that I did not tell the reliter that I “ felt at home here” honestly there where less pressing matters of where we would be going to school and how long it would take to move all of our stuff to the new place that I would have to call home but I never realy did in my heart Gram’s houce was my true home from that point on. It is a wonder that we suvived. One day out of my life it is june 16th my birthday I have just terned egiht years old and this is just the begening of when I have started to really pray and recognise what prayer is to me I don’t realy expect God to answer me at this point in my life becase I reay did not know that God could truly anser quite directly or even ask of you things. I just thaught that God knows everything so he realy should no have to ask but I gess that even God has set rules for himself in promisess and fofilment of priofficy. The idea is that we have free will and he wants to ask and not tell us to be with him in spirit and in mannor. Our actions not telling us yes or no but how we feal about those actins threw God tells us these things. Concince and temptaition those little caton figures angel and demon with that tridant ( not the chewing gum brand) and tail. Oh how I have survived. One day out of my life the start of second grade a new school and a new life I wish that there where more interesting things to take apart than a phone with an already broken circut bord smashed by a bou in my class if not for the surcut bord I probubly would have figured out how to putt it back together. How I wondered every day when I would get to take somthing apart and putt it back together, but everthing was altready taken apart and I neaded a more than a philups haid screwdriver to fix that phone what I neaded was somthing I had no ideah existed littlelone the fact that I was way to youn to even use a sodering iorn. The teachers still thaught that I was still to young to hold a pair of sisors even though I started using them in preschool. It is a wonder I survived. One day out of my life I am exited I get to learn how to use chopstickes in class wile eating popcorn we where not aloud to use our fingers. We where at the end of our china unit coloring the great wall with lopsided bricks that where supost to be a little lopsided. I was exalent at using the two sticks to pick up the popcorn the only problem was that I was holding them wrong but at least i did not nead a rubberband atached to the se sticklike utencels. Using my middle finger as a fulcrum and my pionter and ring to manipulate the top stick even until I saw the diagram and did so the proper way. How did I survive? One day out of my life it is nearing first comumyon this is my fist time tasting the wine so that Iwont makew a face if I did not like the way it tates. I thaught that it tasted horible even though I took a small sip as instructed. I did not make a face. How did I survive? Oneday out of my life it is first comunyon I take both the host and the wine this time I like it so much I take a big gulp and make a face. When my mother asked me why I took such a big gulp I told my mother that the whine “ tates better with Jesus in it.” my mother laphed so quietly only her ears and a few others herd her. I wonder how we survived. One day of my life I am now about 9 or 10 years old Great grandma took me fishing and taught me how to imbroider that night i could not sleap for some reason or another so I got out the cloth that I was working on and started stichin gI was so quiet that I thaught that I would sutly not wake her than again the light in the livingroom of her apartment could have given me away. She found me awake and unable to sleap soundly I was not homsich and usualy did not complain but the couch was a tad to cushey so I slept on the floor instad she thaught that I was crazy for sleaping on the floor instad of on the couch. It is a wonder that I survived. One summer out of my life I felt human I can not remember what summer this was but I taught my sister how to swim she wanted to jump into the pool and each time that se jumped I would take just a single step back evedently she lernd to jump quite far also because when she went to her first formal swimming lesson she kept taking off the floaty until she threw it so that the instructher could no longer reach it than when it was her turn to jum into the water she abot flatenes the instructer ling sory short she skiped a few levils. I wonder how the poor swim instructor is doing. It is a wonder that he survived my syster. One day of my life I rode my first rolercoster I was so exited that I could barly wate in line when we finaly got to the front of the lighn the rolercoster took us up and down I could barily understand why all the other peaple on bord where screaming eve mu unkle. When the ride was over I aslked him so tentitivly why where the other peaple skreaming? Than he told me “Because they where having fun” I still had no ideah

[Part 1]
Day 3
I woke the next morning from the sunshine in my eyes. My head was resting ever so slightly on Eli's arm as we had both fallen asleep on my bed after I begged him to stay. I blanched in horror at the drool stain I had left on the arm of his white t-shirt.
I began to slowly move myself and retreat downstairs as the memories of the night before came flooding back. How I had broken, screaming in terror, and how Eli had saved me, not knowing the true reason he found me curled up on the floor crying.
As I stepped off the bed, my leg got snagged in the frilly bed cover, and I went crashing to the ground, making quite the noise as I landed. With a yawn, Eli's eyes opened, and I felt myself blushing as he turned to look at me.
We both kind of stared at each other for a moment, not speaking. Eli opened his mouth, then closed it again as if unsure of what to say.
"Coffee?" I asked quickly, filling the awkwardness of our situation.
"Please," Eli said, smiling.
In minutes, I had a pot brewing as I leaned against the kitchen counter. Eli was picking up the scattered photographs from the floor and looking at them quizzically.
"Why do you have pictures of the Harmons?" Eli asked, showing me the photos of the yellow-haired man and his family.
"Is that their names? I found them out in the barn under a blanket," I answered as I rooted around the cupboards for two mugs.
"In the barn? I cleaned it out just last week. No way I would have missed this trunk," Eli said while examining the wooden trunk with its simple rustic hinges. It was plain and unadorned with any embellishments. Basic as basic could be.
"Well, you must have missed it because it was there," I said, putting emphasis on the "was" in a way that reminded me of my mother chastising my father.
"That's so weird," he said, shifting through the photos while sitting at the table. I brought him a cup of coffee and sugar, and he began absentmindedly adding a lot of sugar to his coffee. About six scoops later, he began stirring and sipping it.
"Well, anyways, thanks for coming last night. I wasn't myself, I hope you know that I'm not some damsel in distress," I said quickly, like word vomit, and I even chuckled at the end, feeling like a total weirdo.
"What happened anyway? You didn't say last night," he said, putting the photos down in a jumble on the table.
I paused for a moment, considering how to answer. As I sipped my coffee, I stared out into the yard beside the barn where the scarecrow stood, glancing around the edge of the barn, hanging limply in his hole. His appearance once again sad and dejected instead of murderous and terrifying.
"I was just scared, I had a nightmare, and it just scared me," I said dumbly, trying not to turn crimson again under his intense gaze.
His eyes seemed to cut right through my lie, as if he were staring directly into my being before he simply glanced away out the window. We fell silent again, and I filled some moments by sipping my drink. It seemed to revitalize me; the sun and the company made me feel secure.
"Why were you here anyways?" I asked after a moment.
"I heard screaming, so I came running. I live just on the other side of the grass there, behind the barn," Eli said, pointing to the barn out the window.
"Must be really close, I didn't see any houses on the way in," I said, prying deeper into the situation.
"It's actually a trailer, maybe like two hundred yards from here. I was outside getting some air when I heard you scream. So, I came running," Eli said, finishing his cup of coffee and placing it in between us like a barrier, as if he was hiding something.
"Could you, uh, not do that?" Eli asked, with an uncertain grin on his face.
"What am I doing exactly?" I asked, startled for a moment, my stomach doing a sort of flip.
"It's just that you like stare at people. You've been staring at me for like my whole cup of coffee, I don't think you blinked the whole time," Eli said, averting his eyes shyly.
"No, I don't," I said until I realized he was right. I never noticed that about myself.
"Right, well, I've got to go. I am probably going to start painting today, so you might see me in a bit," Eli said, rising and heading to the door.
"Wait," I said, grabbing his arm for only a moment before releasing it like it was scalding hot.
Eli glanced at my hand for a moment, then at his arm, before he, too, blushed crimson.
"I just wanted to say thank you again. For last night, I mean. Well, what I mean is I appreciate it," I said, my eyes downcast in, for some reason, shame. Like he had seen me at my weakest and it weighed on my gaze appropriately.
"It was nothing, besides I didn't get much sleep with your constant snoring," Eli said, laughing at me.
"I so don't snore," I said, swatting at him but unable to control a smile creeping up onto my face.
After Eli left, I felt instantly colder, my eyes kept returning to the scarecrow. I grabbed my camera from upstairs and went out to the yard. I scanned the dirt for anything out of the ordinary. There was no blood, or anything on the dirt where the scarecrow stood just last night. I slowly made my way to the scarecrow, but nothing happened. I snapped a photo of the inanimate object, and it didn't even flinch. I poked it, but all I felt was straw underneath its clothes. I removed its mask, expecting a severed head, but it was just straw. Nothing was here but straw. I dropped the mask on the ground and took another photo proving it was just straw and nothing else.
An idea struck me as I regarded the source of my torment. If I planned to stay even one more night here, I needed to do something about this scarecrow. I rooted around in the barn, a series of tools hung from nails in the wall. On one hung what I was searching for. An old rusted shovel with a dirty wooden handle that was worn smooth from use.
I returned to the side of the barn beside the scarecrow, knowing for whatever reason this thing only came when night fell and didn't react at all when I moved or touched it during the day.
Before my morning coffee had even settled, I began to dig at the dusty earth, loose and easy to dig, it came away in shovelfuls. Within an hour, I had a fair-sized hole in front of me. Sweat dripped from my brow, and when I wiped under my eyes, they came away black from last night's makeup. Glancing at the field of grass and knowing Eli could appear at any time, I decided to head inside and shower. The hot water was a godsend, and I lingered for longer, letting the water drain down my head and back, my eyes closed, trying to forget the images from the last two nights. I should just pack up my car and leave right this minute. But how could I explain this to my family? I decided to go through with my plan and bury the scarecrow. I could last one more night if I prepared for it.
I left the shower and dressed modestly, in another one of my old rock t-shirts and a pair of shorts. I returned to the yard and with a satisfying push, I dropped the scarecrow into the pit. It fell with a nice thud, and I smiled at my power over it in the day; it's just at night when I should fear it.
As I threw the first shovel of dirt back on top, I heard a noise in the grass, and it parted, revealing Eli wearing the same pair of jeans and work boots, but he had changed his shirt to a plain black one. In each hand, he held cans of paint and a brush.
"Should I even ask why you are burying that old scarecrow?" He asked as he came to stand beside me.
"Probably best if you didn't," I admitted, leaning on the shovel.
"Well, I'm going to anyway. Polly, why are you burying that old scarecrow?" He asked, a rare smile coming to his face.
"Because it's been haunting me at night," I said bluntly.
"Mhm, yeah, okay. Fine, don't tell me. I've been meaning to get rid of it anyway, but normal people take things to the landfill," Eli said with a smirk as he turned to the house and began setting up for his painting.
I finished burying the scarecrow and stomped the dirt down flat. I finished my job by moving my car and parking it directly over top of the spot where I buried it.
Eli watched me curiously but didn't remark. I returned the shovel to the barn and went out into the yard. I decided to go for a hike around the property. I needed some time alone to think and unwind.
As I made my way through the grass, it began to confuse me. This had obviously been a large farmland, but how had the wild plants grown in such a thick, endless maze of greenery?
It gave me an eerie feeling, like I was being watched as the grass covered three-quarters of my body, like there would be something lurking out in the grass, crouched low, waiting for me.
After a half-hour or so, I came upon a clear lake, only big enough to be considered an old swimming hole, I thought as I dipped my hand into the cool water.
I took off my outer clothes and decided to go for a swim. I lowered myself in slowly and reveled at the cool water. The pond wasn't deep, but the water was clean. A small rope swing had been hung from a large oak tree that bordered the pond. It also provided a nice layer of shade that made it the ideal spot to spend the day. I floated on my back in the water for what seemed like hours. The day seemed to slip away from me. A small beach of sand sat at one side of the pond, so I lay out in the sun and closed my eyes. The warm day warmed my soul, and soon I felt myself drifting off into sleep.
I awoke to the sound of crickets and darkness. I couldn't believe it. I had slept through the day; the long nights had finally caught up to me, and now I was stuck far away from the farmhouse. I didn't know if my plan with the scarecrow had worked, and this wasn't the place to test my theory.
A full moon lay overhead, casting a silvery glow on the world before me. A sea of grass swayed gently in the wind, sending shivers down it in shuddering waves. I looked around, but I was thankfully alone, just the crickets chirping along melodically as my only companions.
I had to make it back to the house, so I started on my way, my hands trailing along the tall grass. The pale light played easily on the deep green grass. Step by step, I made my way back towards the farmhouse and the barn, throwing caution to the wind, and I started to jog along, anything to get back faster. I would have to find Eli; maybe if we were together, he could stop it like before.
If I thought the field was creepy during the day, by night, it was a whole new world. Every sound made my heart stop for a beat before restarting in protest. When all of a sudden, the crickets stopped chirping. I dropped to my knees, letting the long grass cover me from sight. Through the strands, I could make out a shape moving slowly through the tall grass, the swish of the plants as it made its passage through them. My heart dropped. Was this Eli looking for me, or was it the scarecrow come for me?
That's when I heard a voice, a voice cutting through the silence. It started off quiet and raspy as it sang an eerie children's song.
"Did you, did you, did you come for me?
Run and hide, don't you know that I seek
The world it claims that I be not clean
When I come, you'll see how filthy I can be.
Tonight, it is happening, tonight you'll see
Beneath the moon, my shadows they do creep.
In this world, at night I shall be free.
Tonight it's happening, tonight you'll see.
When I come, you had better flee, or else I'll come and give my filth to thee."
I was frozen to the spot. It hadn't found me, but it knew I was in the grass somewhere. Now, with each word, chewed up and spat out like it was unhappy with it, now it was accompanied by the whistle of something in the air and a slicing sound as it cut through the grass around me.
It finished another round of its song, but now it stood within feet of me, its blade whistling as it cut. I took a moment to ready myself, and as it raised its blade to cut through the grass I hid in, I dashed out of my hiding spot and slammed into it. But nothing resisted me; I fell through it like it was a ghost.
In a tangle of limbs, I landed hard on the ground and tried quickly rolling to my feet. The blade of its weapon pierced the earth beside me. Now I could see it was a two-handed scythe the scarecrow carried, but something was off, its hands were human. Pale milky skin like a newborn baby. I had little time to examine the creature except for the canvas bag over its head. Two large black eyes came out of the slits that leaked a dark red blood like tears.
It screeched loudly and swung its scythe, but it was slow, and I took off through the grass in the direction of what I hoped was the farmhouse.
I completely gave up all pretense of hiding and sprinted as fast as I could without looking back. The grass seemed to part for me as I ran in terror. I was just glad that in high school, I had taken track as it was paying off now.
I could hear the noise of footsteps behind me, but I never turned. I ran and ran until my lungs felt like they were going to burst Something silver flashed to my left, and I tripped over something hard and unexpected. The wind was driven from my lungs as my chin slammed hard into the earth. I scrambled back, trying to escape, but the scarecrow was on me, its blade flashing angrily in the pale moonlight.
I wanted to move, I wanted to fight, but my body was weak and unable to catch its breath, and I lay there helpless as it swung its scythe towards me. I closed my eyes in fear, but I only heard the thud of dirt before I opened my eyes. The scythe was discarded, and the scarecrow stood staring at me.
It seemed to be struggling with something, one hand reached out towards me only to be snapped back to its side. A roar of rage pierced the canvas sack over its head as it struggled against its invisible bonds. For a moment, I thought I saw something behind it, three sets of hands holding it back. One feminine in nature, and the other two must have belonged to children. In a flash, I saw a beautiful woman who looked vaguely familiar with her long brown hair and plain dress.
"Run," she moaned as the scarecrow swung around wildly.
I didn't hesitate and fled, my breath had returned, and while my body still ached from my fall, I powered on, knowing this was the only respite I would receive tonight.
In the distance, I could see a small sheet metal shape; Eli's trailer was slowly coming closer as I ran, and I beelined it for the trailer. I could hear the footsteps behind me again as the scarecrow resumed its chase after me.
I reached the old trailer and banged on the door as loud as I could; I rattled the handle, but it was locked.
"Eli, it's me. It's Polly, please let me in. Please," I begged as I banged over and over again on the door of his trailer.
Nothing responded to me, and the trailer was dark. The single window in the back held no life inside the trailer. From the trailer, I couldn't tell which direction the farmhouse was in the dark, so I fled into the tall grass and crouched low, watching the clearing around the trailer.
While I caught my breath, I watched the scarecrow enter the clearing, its scythe back in its hand as it circled the trailer. When its raspy voice began singing again low and quiet, only loud enough for me to hear.
"Did you, did you, did you come for me?
Run and hide, don't you know that I seek
The world it claims that I be not clean
When I come, you'll see how filthy I can be.
Tonight, it is happening, tonight you'll see
Beneath the moon, my shadows they do creep.
In this world, at night, I shall be free.
Tonight it's happening, tonight you'll see.
When I come, you had better flee, or else I'll come and give my filth to thee."
The song made me shiver uncontrollably at the lyrics and the voice; it sounded demented like a crazy person letting their demons out into a nursery rhyme.
I lay perfectly still; for some reason, it couldn't find me. This creature I assumed was all-knowing seemed to have some very human weaknesses. It moved and talked like a human, even had certain body parts that were from a human; it even felt human the way it chased and reacted.
The scarecrow moved on through the tall grass, and I let out a sigh of relief as it lost my trail. How terrifying that beast was. In my pocket was the keys to my car. Eli had told me that the farmhouse was fairly close to his trailer. I had to navigate to the car, then drive as fast as I can away from this place. The fact that I hadn't left already because I was worried about money was insane. Who cares, I could drive to Barb's and demand my money back. Go home and just tell my parents the truth. The whole reason for actually leaving home this summer, why I was actually here in this field shivering uncontrollably in fear. But I couldn't think about that now, not now, there will be time to deal with that later. Now I needed to focus on staying alive, getting to the car, and getting out of here.
I went in the direction the scarecrow had; he knew the land better than I did, and every noise I made in the silence of the night made my heart drop. It took all my courage there and then to take one step forward, then another. I felt like I was going to be sick; my stomach was in knots to where it felt like even if I was sick, the only thing to come out would be only bile and stomach acid.
With each careful step, I made my way closer to the farmhouse and the scarecrow. Through the darkness, I could see my goal, the farmhouse, and the barn. Within minutes, I had made it securely to the farmhouse yard.
My car still sat in the same spot overtop of the hole where I buried the scarecrow. In the moonlight, I could see that the dirt had not been disturbed.
The scarecrow was nowhere to be seen, and I cautiously made my way to my car, my keys in my hand as I approached the driver's door. I hadn't locked the car, and it opened on the first try. I turned on my car as quietly as I could, but nothing could have prepared me for what happened next.
Something landed heavily on top of the roof of my car, making it dent inwards slightly. With horror, I saw the scarecrow swing its scythe into the back window of my car. With a crash, the glass shattered inwards; I put my car into gear and roared away down the lane. In my rearview mirror, I couldn't see anything, so I swerved back and forth, trying to shake the creature from the roof of my car when the scythe crashed in through the front window, making a hole just large enough for it.
The glass spidered, and I couldn't see out the window very well. I swerved down the road, but the scythe remained in the car, allowing the creature purchase. In a panic, I spun my wheel wildly, trying to dislodge it, but I lost control, and soon felt something crash into the front of my car. The airbag went off in my face, and I hadn't been wearing my seatbelt. I slammed hard into something else, and my vision went dark. I was in a daze; I must have passed out because I don't remember a lot of what happened next. I felt the car door open with a crunching tear, and it landed loudly as it was torn off. My body being grabbed and tossed on the ground. I felt no pain, just a gentle numbness. I felt blood on my head as I raised my arm to touch my face.
Then just blackness, complete, and empty just feelings, fear, unease, sadness. My eyes opened, and the scarecrow was overtop of me. Pain on my chest and my vision went dark again. Coughing as something poured down my throat. I couldn't breathe, why couldn't I breathe?
My eyes opened one last time, and I saw the scarecrow pouring a dark liquid from its mouth directly into my mouth and eyes. My vision was red and bloody before I closed them one last time.
The words of its song echoed into the emptiness of my thoughts.
"Did you, did you, did you come for me?
Run and hide, don't you know that I seek?
The world it claims that I be not clean.
When I come, you'll see how filthy I can be.
Tonight, it is happening, tonight you'll see,
Beneath the moon, my shadows they do creep.
In this world, at night, I shall be free.
Tonight it's happening, tonight you'll see.
When I come, you had better flee, or else I'll come and give my filth to thee."
The darkness enveloped me, and I felt myself slipping away, the sounds of the night fading into oblivion.

My name is Dr. Smith, not my real name of course, but for purposes of storytelling it will have to suffice. I have been practicing medicine at an Asian country as a general practitioner. I'm relatively new and I practice at a small village, not too far from civilization, half a day's travel by car and a few hours by boat from the country's capital, but very rural nonetheless, complete with superstitious beliefs and customs. I decided to stay here when I first graduated and passed the licensure exam for two reasons: first, I have a place to stay here, my family's ancestral home (although none of my direct relatives have lived there for years), said ancestors being one of the first people to settle in the area and second, because my family had always been the physicians in this small community as far as anyone remembers. Me, my grandfather and his father before him all went to the city to study medicine and went back here to practice it, like there was a pull, a calling, to sacrifice the convenient, fast-paced city life for the quiet and serene. My mother hated the idea, as clingy as she is to me, saying things like she wanted me to always be around where she could protect me, but you can't really help it when purpose calls. To be honest, it feels good providing a wide range of services to the honest people of our small, humble town, no greater feeling than helping the less privelaged, educating them and dispelling preconceived notions and old wives tales which are aplenty in my country, especially here.
I still recall how everything began. I made a makeshift clinic at one of the rooms of my ancestral home, it used to be my grandfather's office, but it felt old, antique, and perhaps too... professional, nothing wrong with that, but I wanted my patients to feel a more homely setting. So, I rearranged a bit, removed the imposing self portrait of my great-grandfather wearing his white coat that hang on the wall and transferred it to a more private area of the house. I changed the dim, barely functioning lights into brighter, more modern ones, removed the exceedingly extravagant chandelier and equipped the room with materials and equipment that I deemed necessary for my practice. I retained the wooden floors, but outfitted the walls with charts and more colorful decorations, in anticipation for the occasional pediatric patient. It was beginning to look less like an old abandoned house where teenagers went for the spooks and more like a place of healing and betterment, a clean place offering a clean mind...or so I hope.
"Your grandfather would have a heart attack if he wasn't dead already, seeing what you've done with his old clinic" quipped Martha, our housekeeper. All I know about Martha is that my grandfather hired her as a young teen and she has been here since then, she babysat and raised my mother as her own, and even took care of me as a toddler. Considering her age, she mostly supervises the younger and more capable help rather than doing tasks herself. None of them stay at the house, but they get called upon when me or any of my relatives were expected. Most of the family consider her as one of our own at this point.
"Well i'm sure great grandpa on the other hand enjoys the change of view" I replied jokingly. "Besides, I bet the patients would appreciate not being treated in such a dark, gloomy room."
"You know how your grandfather was..." she replies, that the idea of a dark, gloomy, old man liking dark, gloomy, old places was a no brainer. "...but everything aside, it is so nice to see you again, have you been feeling better? What did your mother think of you staying here?" she said with what I felt as outmost sincerity, "I used to chase and carry you around this estate and now look at you, about to carry out your family's legacy as a physician yourself" she continued, with a hint of pride from her tone.
I smiled. I myself couldn't think of a reason why a well respected man, revered even, by this town and it's people for everything he has done would act nonchalant and depressed, always with a jaded look in his eyes and stay in an equally dim and depressing part of his house, I've always known him to be like that, but was he always?
"I am better now. It's good to see you too, I'm glad you're staying healthy, and mom sure did not like it but well...she told me to say hi on her behalf" I told Martha. She beams up and smiles on my mother's mention.
"Well...I took the liberty of digging up your grandfather's documents, records and his patient charts, I doubt many of them still live but I thought maybe you'd like to have a look, I placed them around your desk but I can relocate them if you want me to"
"No, that's perfect. That's something I actually intended to do, i'll give it a read, thank you" I replied. I know some of those patients were either old or probably dead to be honest, but seeing data as well as the cases my grandfather had to deal with might help me in the future.
"The villagers already know Dr. Smith's grandson is here, they know you're a doctor, so expect to have a patient one of these days, perhaps as soon as you give the word that your clinic is open" Martha said, as she walks out of the room smiling and slightly waving, signalling a goodbye.
"I'm not even surprised" I think to myself. Places like these, words spreads like wildfire on topics like these, the idea of someone from a known family, coming back from the city, not to mention deciding to stay indefinitely, like the whole village needed notification, like the village demands explanation.
Hours passed and as I was satisfied with my new setup for the clinic, I took a break, sitting down and looking at the mountain of paperwork and folders placed on and around my desk. I picked one, thinking to myself that I might as well have a look now, with nothing else of note to do.
Patient #010438 Name redacted 43/Female
History of present illness: Patient had 3 day history of undocumented fever, dysuria, and bilateral flank pain Did not seek consult, no medications taken
Past Medical History Unremarkable
Personal and Social History Unremarkable
OB history illegible
Physical Examination BP 110/80 HR 102 RR 20
Nonhyperemic tonsils No murmurs Clear breath sounds Nontender abdomen (+) Kidney punch test
Noted a signature of the patient claiming she was not pregnant as a form of waiver
"Jesus grandpa, couldn't your history and physical exam get any lazier?" I thought to myself. Seeing pertinent history not asked and multiple organ systems ignored on physical examination. Given, some of the writing were already faded, the quality of the paper had deteriorated greatly, and plenty of details already illegible, all in all the documents weren't that bad. It sure doesn't help though that he writes like someone in the middle of a warzone practicing heiroglyphs.
I skimmed through more of the documents and patient files, most of the cases are relatively benign, majority are outpatient visits, some are emergency cases and there are the rare ones requiring transfer to a more developed town hours from here with better services and equipment. Time passed and as I lay down the last folder in a pile, I noticed a moderately sized box, probably the size of a briefcase, placed on the floor, dusty but obviously ornate. It piqued my interest although in my mind, I was pretty sure it was nothing but more documents, I decided to give it a look.
I picked a stack up and I started to read:
Patient #00512c Name redacted 32/Female
"Weird" I thought, it was numbered differently, and definitely none of the other documents were lettered. I continued reading:
History of present illness: This is a case of a 32 year old female who came in on date redacted due to a chief complaint of multiple hematomas, abrasions, burn wounds and lacerations on her face, trunk and extremeties..."
"Trauma? An accident? Possible abuse?" I contemplated.
"...patient allegedly noticed easy bruisability 2 weeks prior to consult, followed by alleged spontaneous appearance of abrasions and lacerations 2-3 days from onset of bruising, supposedly waking the patient at night due to the sudden sharp and searing pain, initially small cuts 3-5cm widest on her extremeties and face but eventually progressing to deep cuts measuring approximately 10-50cm on her back, chest, abdomen and lower extremeties. 1 week prior to consult, patient started noticing burning sensations on her skin, causing extreme pain and leaving reddish burn marks on her body, patient also experienced lack of appetite and inability to sleep due to loud voices and..."
"Spontaneous appearance? Easy bruising could be a lot of things, but for it to occur with 'spontaneous' abrasions and lacerations? Not to mention burn marks?" I thought out loud, having doubts about the credibility of the use of the word "spontaneous". Surely it was not an accident, considering it started 2 weeks ago with noted progression. "It could be a hematologic problem with the bruising, but that wouldn't explain the sudden appearance of cuts...maybe accompanied by a dermatologic one, the patient is prone to breaks in the skin? But then again the burn marks...the voices..." I analyzed. I was leaning towards abuse, where the cuts and bruises were inflicted by someone else and the abused, whether in some form of fear or coping, decides that it was "spontaneous" rather than inflicted, but why bother lying to yourself, perhaps the one who did it to her is a partner? Or a loved one? It made sense, someone progressively becoming more aggressive with her as time went by, becoming more and more extreme, from bruises to eventually burning.
It could a combination of illnesses to be honest, one on top of another, perhaps an overly sensitive or extremely dry skin that breaks and peels until it bleeds, an allergic reaction prompting the patient to unconciously scratch till her skin became red and lichenified, voices due to lack of sleep or a mental disorder. But looking at my grandfather's physical examination of her, none of the findings solidifies the possibility of those i've mentioned. Truth be told I also partially allowed myself to tunnel vision on the prospect of an abuse, to the point I've skipped some of the chart's contents that I deemed weren't important and tried to look for information to support my claim, or perhaps to disprove it, rookie mistake, but well, I am a rookie then.
"Patient is widowed, lives alone at a secluded area near redacted, only goes out to buy some necessities from redacted but has very minimal interaction from anyone in the village"
Okay then, either she is hiding the fact someone was with her, who is abusing her like I initially thought of, or it's self harm. "I'm pretty sure grandpa considered everything that went through my mind right now. Let me check his initial impression" I thought, with a tinge of annoyance, considering I felt that the patient lied to my grandfather, and was lying to me, decades after the fact.

1 Trauma, to consider physical abuse versus self harm;

"Alright, now we're getting somewhere" I said to myself, with a bit of pride having the same thought process as a physician with decades more experience than I do.

2 To consider mental disorder, probably psychotic - premature dementia

I chuckled. Premature dementia, didn't think i'd see that term, I thought everyone including those from his time would have used schizophrenia already, then again medicine and medical knowledge isn't as easily passed around as it is now. Psychiatry as a science would be relatively new during his time compared to other disciplines so the fact he considered it based on the patient hearing "voices"? Bravo gramps.
"Well...", I thought to myself, "...plenty of things to consider and rule out, let me check what else is there." A bit of cockiness on picking my grandfather's brain out and feeling good about my train of thought, a practice consult and so far, I'm on my way to a perfect score...

3. To consider possession probably secondary to malevolent spirit

.................
I gave the document a stern look, unmoving, unblinking, emotionless. Time has stopped, and I haven't noticed. My brain trying to digest the information, the same way my stomach would probably digest a block of steel...it's just not possible. I read one of my grandfather's diagnosis again:

3 To consider possession probably secondary to malevolent spirit

I never been one for faith. Evidence is everything. Science is everything. You can replicate it, you can prove it. Most importantly...It. Makes. Sense. I look at beliefs not based on evidence and feel nothing but skepticism if not disdain. Why won't people listen to expert opinion? Why won't people believe in facts? Why explain the unknown in such convoluted ways, requiring submission of oneself when the only thing the truth requires is but comprehension. I looked at that diagnosis feeling disappointment.
Then I felt anger. "Grandpa, what the fuck is wrong with you?!" I thought to myself. Here is a woman, full of bruises, cuts and burns all over her body, claiming that she has been suffering for weeks, barely eats or sleeps, was having auditory hallucinations, in dire need of medical, if not emotional and psychological support and one of the things that comes across your mind is possession.
I tried to calm my mind, these are records of the past anyway, I thought. Maybe it was a resignation born out of incompetence. Maybe grandpa wasn't as good of a doctor as I thought he was, that the shortcomings of his knowledge and limited technology of his time prompted him to adopt a more...liberal viewpoint to medicine. Maybe he was just superstitious himself. Maybe the people of this place had leaked some of their local beliefs into his psyche. Maybe isolation changed the man. Or maybe...just maybe...there's something to it.
I've never been one for faith. That goes for my faith in science as well. To just say that something is stupid because it doesn't align with standard, accepted scientific belief is just as detrimental as its counterpart.
I decided to investigate further when I heard the entrance to the room open with force. One of the maids leaning onto the wall by the entrance, still grasping the doorknob and evidently out of breath.
"Sir...ma'am Martha...calling...for you...says...it's...it's...an emergency..." She says in between breaths.
I quickly stood up, feeling sorry for the woman, she just ran, obviously gasping for air as she arrived at the clinic and now has to lead me back to wherever she came from with the same urgency. At first I was worried something might have happened with Martha, what the maid said didn't really give much clarity, but upon arriving at the main hall I noticed Martha, standing beside a middle aged man and woman, carrying a child, no more than 10 years old. I notice the clear panic and worry on both of their eyes as the man held the boy, who was uncontrollably shaking.
"I know you're not taking any patients yet and I was considering the time, but nobody knows what to do so I..." Martha explains, quite concerned while I ordered the parents to put the child flat on the ground, with me assessing the situation. The first thing I noticed was that the child was burning hot, "possibly febrile seizure? No, too old" I thought. I asked both the parents important details while I ordered the other maid to time the duration of the child's seizure. All the while thinking of possible diseases that may present as such, "Seizure disorder? Epilepsy? Meningitis? Encephalitis?" Eventually the shaking stopped, much to the parents' relief, and I ordered them to carry the boy as we made our way back to the clinic.
"Was this the first time it ever happened?" I inquired, as I put the child on one of the beds in the clinic, securing the corners with additional pillows, noticing the sunken face and apparent exhaustion from the boy, possibly due to the ongoing fever and the recent seizure episode. Once secured, I face the parents and continued my inquiries, I eventually explained everything, elaborating on what I believe happened, I explained that for now, lowering the fever and investigating the source were what we could address, the battery of tests I plan to do (disappointingly, most of them cannot be done here, and I would have to accompany them to a hospital on another town as soon as first light breaks), and the medications and management I plan to give. Everything proceeded as planned and I asked both parents to relax and take a breather, offering them a seat and asking the help to give them water.
Things eventually settled, little Johnny's fever subsided and color came back to him. Nowhere near clear, he can worsen anytime, but that was the best that we could do at that time. The parents were still worried, understandably so, but to an extent reassured, we have a plan after all. Martha, as well as Diane (the help from earlier), now at a calmer state. We discussed the plan, how we would travel, who would accompany us and what we would bring. Eventually, our conversations became relaxed, started to shift to other things, trivial matters, such as were they lived in the village, the date and time of my arrival, recent gossip, where Martha was more than happy to share.
"I was worried the evil spirits might have gotten my baby..." Said the mother nonchalantly, as we talked about the occurrence on a lighter note. "...that's how they got Mrs. Johnson's middle child. That poor boy was never the same after."
I smiled. Not wanting to immediately correct them and sound like an uptight individual. It's part of our culture afterall, old belief systems and a way for people to cope with loss or difficulty, who was I to deny them that. I won't approach these people the hardheaded way, but I will slowly show them the realities and truths of the things they may not understand, well, at least with regards to their health.
"Well, little Johnny is safe here, we'll do what we can" pointing to their son.
Only, their son wasn't where he was supposed to be. I look at the parents, I look at both Martha and Diane, everyone who looked at where I pointed were just as shocked as I was, a split second of silence before panic ensued. Suddenly, everyone stood up on high alert and was looking everywhere. Under covers, under the bed, corners of the room, the desk, behind curtains, hell, I saw Diane look at one of the damn drawers, as if a 10 year old would fit there.
Suddenly I heard loud vomiting, retching, followed by sounds of splashing. I follow where the sounds came from and see a large pool of black, tarry liquid at a corner of my room. I slowly trace where it was coming from and there he was...little Johnny...standing...upside down...on the ceiling.
I hear everyone in the room scream, I was probably screaming too, I couldn't remember. I do remember little Johnny screaming with us though, extremely high pitched and mockingly, with bloodshot eyes, upside down, while black liquid poured from his mouth, covering his face and dripping from his hair. How was that even possible, screaming while liters of unknown fluid dripped from his mouth? I don't know.
Then he laughed, although I was pretty sure that wasn't his voice. It was deep and guttural, it cannot be the boy's voice, it cannot be any boy's voice.
Time seemed to move in slow motion, I was noticing every detail, every expression from everyone's face, I can feel the seconds hand on my wall clock move, the slow dripping of the viscous dark liquid from little Johnny, I can feel every drop of sweat on my body. I could not cope with what i'm experiencing, was it a trick of the mind, an organized prank, have I gone mad...again? So I did the only thing I know how to do...
I tried to diagnose.
"Maybe it was dengue shock all along!" I thought to myself. "Vomiting blood, paleness, fever, an episode of seizure and definitely change in sensorium" I reasoned to myself. I was coping, and I was coping hard. I was ready to drown on my self absorbtion when a booming voice snapped me out of my thoughts.
"YOU DUMB FUCK, WILL ANY ILLNESS EXPLAIN WHY YOUR FUCKING PATIENT IS HANGING UPSIDE DOWN ON THE FUCKING CEILING?" Said little Johnny, or at least whoever was speaking on his behalf, because from where I'm standing, I can clearly see that the boy was not mouthing any of the words he said.
"YOU'RE A FUCKING FAILURE, DOCTORS LIKE YOU SHOULD KILL THEMSELVES! HAHAHAHA" he laughed, I never knew laughs could sound like that, as if the words were nails, and his voice box a chalkboard.
"OH WAIT, YOU FAILED AT THAT TOO DOC! FUCKING PATHETIC!"
Of all the things that were happening...a young boy hanging upside down, a mother crying on the floor hysterically, a father staring at his son, eyes wide open and mouth agape, Martha and Diane, both crying while sharing a rosary, in the act of what I assume to be prayer...the thing that snapped me out of my trance was the words that came from little Johnny. Knowledge nobody but the closest to me should know. A secret I planned to leave behind when I left the city, a wound I intended to forget as I started anew.
Visions of my memories came flashing back...medical school...overwhelming duty...familial expectations...failure...depression...my attempt...a bottle of medications...my mother...crying...on my bedside...
"LEAVE MY SON ALONE!" Johnny's father screamed. Starling everyone in the room.
Nothing matters, the past is in the past, I am better now, and that boy needs help, more than anything.
"YOUR SON? WHY DON'T WE ASK THAT CRYING WHORE IF JOHNNY REALLY IS YOUR SON" The voice says, laughing.
At that point the mother stops crying, looks up towards johnny, then towards his husband, in a state of shock. Like what the voice said is crazier than whatever was happening at the moment.
"THE ONLY REASON THAT WHORE STUCK WITH YOU WAS BECAUSE JOHNNY'S REAAAAAAAL FATHER WOULD NOT TAKE HER!" The entity says, continuing the hysteric laughter.
We were being played. It was toying with us. And from the look on the mother's face...it seems like little Johnny did not even need to lie to do it.
Then, to everyone's horror..."It" started to run.
It ran across the ceiling in a rabid frenzy, erratic and forceful, running and jumping, hopping sideways then going on all fours, still attached to the ceiling, splashing bile and blood all over the room, all the while making a "hihihi" sound...childish and terrifying. It ran and ran, repeating the same erratic change in movements, repeating the same eerie giggle until it reached the window, stopping and standing straight, it stared outside for what felt like forever...then all of a sudden...johnny just fell, like whatever was attaching him to the ceiling just gave, headfirst into the floor, giving a very audible cracking sound.
I heard a gasp from johnny's mother. I can at least detect some miniscule chest expansion, but that cracking sound cannot be anything good. As if thinking the same thing, Martha, who was the nearest to where Johnny fell, while still clinging tightly to Diane's rosary, approached the boy.
"Johnny?" She said softly, all the while approaching an inch at a time.
As she was almost at arms length of the boy's body, she gives the mother a knowing look, confirming that he was breathing. Martha suddenly produces a piece of cloth from one of the pockets of her uniform, possibly to pack the bleeding from the head. She intended to put the cloth on top of the boy's head, but looked towards my direction, urging me forward, perhaps for me to place it properly. I walk towards the boy, takes the cloth from Martha and as I fold the cloth to circle Johnny's cranium with Martha's help, the boy immediately sat up, looks at Martha and smiles ear to ear...literally ear to ear.
"GET YOUR WRINKLY HANDS OFF ME YOU DUSTY OLD FUCK!" He barks at her, Martha screams in fear and I was taken aback.
That was all the time Johnny needed to stand and jump towards the window, breaking it and running towards the mountainside. I hear his father scream his name, quickly breaking more glass so he could fit, and immediately giving chase. The mother was still on the floor, wailing towards the direction of her child and husband. Martha, in shock, still holding the cloth she intended to wrap johnny with.
It took me a while to notice Diane shaking me vigorously. "Doctor!" She screams. "Doctor Smith! What should we do!?" She voices out, with obvious desperation.
I ignored her.
I feel scared, but taking all into consideration, I predominantly feel tired. Defeated. Insulted.
I have nothing more to give in the face of whatever that thing that took Johnny was.
I slowly walk towards my desk, I open my drawer, I take a piece of paper and I pull out my pen.
Patient #00001a Name redacted 10/M
I write, giving no thoughts to the people on the same room as me, those left behind by little Johnny and his father. "Did he catch up to him? Was the boy alright now?...is his father alright?" I wonder. I'll find out soon enough, I figured, rumors spread like wildfire around here anyways.
I continued to write with resignment, absorbed in my own little world, consumed by the horror I witnessed, the breaking of my spirit, of my beliefs, the questioning of my knowledge. I want to escape it, deny it, but that's not what should be done to the truth. So I surrendered.

1 To consider possession probably secondary to malevolent spirit

END

I wasn't expecting a sea-world date.
Alex was my type.
He was dorky, kind of adorable, and he (really) loved marine life.
The guy was mesmerised, pressing his face against the tank, glued to the mermaid attractions who seemed delighted by his presence, gesturing him toward them. Well, the girls were.
The one singular male mermaid was seriously out of character, rolling his eyes.
2 hours later, the place was closing.
I had been sitting on a bench with a melted slushy for almost three hours, mulling my boyfriend's last words in my head.
”I'm just going to get photos of the dolphins, Kira!”
He'd stood me up.
For fish.
I was making my way toward the exit, when a slimy hand slammed over my mouth.
“Don't move.”
Half awake, I was dragged into a large room with a single tank filled to the brim.
When I lifted my head, an ethereal looking woman dangled my boyfriend over the edge.
Before I could cry out, those same slimy hands found my mouth, squeezing the breath from my lungs.
Alex was unconscious, crumpled in the man's arms. The world shifted when I glimpsed the blade. I saw my boyfriend's half lidded eyes, his parted lips, before his throat was sliced open, his body shoved into the water.
Alex sunk deep down, his blood polluting clarity, a cloud of deep red dragging him to the bottom.
I lunged forward, but I couldn't breathe, couldn't scream.
Someone was speaking, cold steel pressed to my throat.
But their words were white noise. Above me, the roof slid open, and in the centre of the sky, a perfect half moon illuminated the depths.
When a cruel blade was drawn across my throat, my breath choking, blood pooling from my mouth, there was a full moon.
I don't remember being dragged up ice cold metal steps. I don't remember my body hitting cool water, and plunging down, down, down.
What I do remember is a bright light.
The water enveloping me, cradling me, lulling me to sleep, a voice telling me everything was going to be okay.
I was her daughter now.
When I awoke, I was heavy.
Too heavy, like something was weighing me down.
Looking down at myself, a shriek tore from my lips, stolen away in explosions of bubbles.
My legs were gone, something slimy and wrong eating away my torso.
That same melodic murmur told me to stay calm, even when I was screaming.
I can't breathe.
My lungs felt dead.
Like I didn't need to breathe.
That disgusting thing attached to me was pulling me down.
“Look, Mommy! Look at the pretty mermaid!”
The little girl wasn't looking at me.
Twisting around, I found myself face to face with Alex.
Who was smiling.
"Smile.” a male voice muttered in my head.
In the corner of my eye, shadows had me surrounded, already warning me.
”Smile, or they'll feed us to the fucking sharks."

Hurricane Georg.
Our first contact with the new world was a colossal hurricane. Veins of lightning shattered through the black, swirling clouds. I had just tried to calm the nerves of the ship when I saw Suri sitting in the hall beneath the control room.
She was in a lounge corner with her suitcase opened and her supplies scattered across the small table. The little light from the window illuminated her drawing for me to see over her shoulder.
The black and white sketch began at the bow of the ship. The figure of a man in facing the open ocean. Ahead of him, the familiar despair of Hurricane Georg. The man had his back towards the artist, but his stature sailed through the fierce storm without worry. His gaze only in the beautiful sight of home on the other side.
Her pencil began to etch the details of his crewmans jacket, "You have a gift, Suri. Truly, you do."
She was ahead of me, she did not jump or gasp as I had expected, "Thank you, Capi. I saw you in the reflection. Im hard to get the jump on."
"Then this shouldnt surprise you," I smiled and approached her table. "My capi stars are on the right side, "I stepped back and tapped my shoulder."
Disappointment inked her face, darkening her mood, "Dam."
I laughed and pulled up a chair. She had captured the view from the window perfectly and I made a point to tell her. As we talked the storm outside began to fade. The world around us was healed and the worries of yesterday had never existed.
Her eyes were near black, in color, and her skin was incredibly warm. Physical characteristic were useless to determine where a person was from, but 500 years ago, she would have fit at home with the people of the Middle East. Had I been a different man, her beauty and brain would make a perfect partner.
The longer I stared, the darker the world around us became. Until she broke my gaze and looked shocked at something through the window.
"Did you see that?"
"No, what was it?"
"I-Im not sure..." her face drained of color as the harsh rocking of the storm was interrupted by something else. Suri and I were flung off our chairs onto the floor, her supplies pelting us as they flew through the air. I tried to stand, but my legs were too soft to make it easy.
I struggled to a kneel using the bolted-down desk. Suri gasped and I looked down. The longer I looked, the itchier it became. Once more the world grew darker and I only had enough energy for a simple joke.
"Mr. Morgs was right about those things."
"Gud morning, Capi!" Ennay cheered from the wall-mounted screen.
I struggled to sit myself up. I was in the infirmary, only Ennay was there to greet me. My jacket was gone. All I had on was a white t-shirt and grey shorts.
"Officer Angelhart had your attire taken to be cleaned," Ennay chimed in, "Today is Wednesday, sir, 4:13am. Its the morning after you lost consciousness."
I thanked him and asked him to catch me up on the happenings in the passed half day.
"The reality is unclear, Capi, but Helmsman Archer believes we were attacked by a... a sea monster, sir."
"Archer? Hes no storyteller. Why?" I swung my legs over the bed, "get him down here or tell him im on my way."
Ennay surprised me with his fast response, "No. Sir, We had a breach. Ms. Aziz told the Doctor you had severed and artery during a spell of turbulence. The New Horizon had actually made contact with something what breached the hull. Damage Control responded in 4 minutes and were quick to contain flooding. However, we sustained a second breach."
Before he could continue, I dropped back onto the bed, "Whats the status?"
"On the New Horizon? Operational. A few sections had to be permanently sealed until we are out of this storm."
"And Damage Control?"
Ennay did not respond as quickly as he had been. It felt like an eternity before he told me, "6 casualties," the room fell completely silent. I couldnt even hear my heart beating, "5 fatalities. Sergant Franccigo Blanco is recovering in Infirmary 4C. He is unconscious, but has sustained gruesome wounds. Officer Angelhart declared a S.O.E. to assume your position. Otherwise,..."
"Yes, yes, the prosthetics. I hate that system."
"Well, sir, you are able to disable it."
"What?"
"Its not a very common scenario, but since we are not in International Sea, the law requiring your presence does not necessarily need to be enforced."
I sat back and thought for a second, "Ill discuss it with Dr. Mally. Where are they all?"
"Dr. Mally is in Infirmary 4C with Sergant Blanco. Officer Angelhart is your office filling out an incident report for both your accident and the breaches."
"Thank you, Ennay. Tell Max I am on my way and then let Dr. Mally know I will meet her shortly."
"Of course, sir."
My office was silent except for the fan gently spinning from the ceiling. Across from me was a young man, mid-twenties, with dusty blond hair. His uniform was perfect, he has even removed his hat on the perfect beat upon entering the room.
The appearance and demeanor any ship captain would be beyond proud to accept on his ship. It had just been dumb luck that he had lost both of his eyes to shrapnel sealing off the lower corridors during the state of emergency yesterday.
I poured Mr. Blanco a drink, 2444 Geoff Russel - The Hearty Mans Drink. I needed to finish the incident report, but Id never ask a man to relive what he had without a bit of buzz to his bite.
"So, Sargent Blanco, I-"
"You can call me, Fran, Capi."
"And you can call me Santago, for tonight anyway," I continued my questions. I tried my best to stay shallow and not dive deep into the pain Fran had endures just hours ago.
We talked about the 5 fatalities.
"Did you... see... them die?"
The gauze replacing his eyes stared at me, blankly. His face was uncanny, unhuman. Like the man inside may actually have been a 6th dead body.
"No," he quickly took a drink, "I did hear them, though. They yelled and screamed for me to open the door. I- I couldnt see. I thought the sea water had poisoned me somehow. I kept rubbing and rubbing my eyes hoping to get whatever radioactive stuff out of my head..." He took a breath. He was remarkably calm. Agitated, of course. But calm.
He continued, "I looked through the window on the bulkhead and the last thing I saw was Aleks staring back at me. His eyes were... he was calling out for me, I am sure of it. But something got him and he was sucked out."
"I am so sorry, Fran," I tried to write as quietly as possible to not remind him of the formality, "Do you know what got him?"
He finished his glass. As he set it down, he missed the table. The cup did not shatter, but it had jolted Fran from his memory. He lost his composure.
He started yelling at me about a horrific beast he had seen. How Aleks, Private Aleksander Igorsen, had been encased in blood and black sludge. He swung his hands wildly at the table in a rage, but had only managed to knock over a lamp.
Pity does not begin to describe what I felt watching him. Like a bleeding animal continuing to run from the wolves despite not knowing he was already surrounded. In him, I saw death. I saw anger. I saw fear. I saw what he was feeling imaging the creature that killed his men.
I grappled with him, trying to make my location known and always talking to him. I was not some monster from the unknown blackness set on hunting him and he needed to know that. He continued to struggle until I had completely engulfed his whirlwind into a hug. The screams turned to cries and then to whimpers.
After some time, I dismissed him back to his room and instructed Ennay that he was on suicide watch. Sergant Franccigo Blanco had earned a promotion or a permanent dismissal, whichever he wanted, but I needed him to take time to himself before I reminded him where we are.
The storm was intense, but at least it was consistent. By Katzs reckoning, we are approaching the halfway point of this hurricane. We had entered it 51 hours ago and Katz had said we are another 50 away from clear skies.
Unfortunately for all of us, Katzs theory was not seen through.
It began with our solar panelling being severed from their operating power banks. That was not a major issue, hydropower was our primary source. The issue arose when the New Horizon began to spin.
I had radioed the Helmsman demanding why we are weighing anchor, but the anchor was still resting above water. He said no one dropped the anchor. Something else entirely had us. We rushed to every window, every pane of glass to search for whatever it was that was stopping us.
Ennay spoke out, "Capi, Major Gorlammi has spotted our snag at 129 degrees. Nearest viewpoint is Residential Room L3D, assigned to L-"
I ignored the rest, I needed to see what was in that window. Luckily for me, Lucy Partridge was not home. I burst through the door and, for the first time, I saw a behemoth of a serpent-like creature sticking out of the water. I could not see a head, nor tail. I also had no idea if what I saw was the body or an appendage connected to some inconceivably large beast.
After enough time, I manage to figure out one of the ships heavy guns had pierced the creature and was holding us together. Our best bet was to either rotate the gun and hope its dislodged or to remove the gun entirely.
I relayed this information to Ennay to alerted the Gunner Teams and Damage Control. Yet, none of them would be given the chance. In the distance, silhouetted by sparks of lightning the size of the ship, I saw the head of the creature. It must have been miles away, but the size was unparalleled. Its head leaped from the water and swiveled back towards us. It was like a colossal eel. Flashes of light showed through its skin like veins until it sent a surge into the gun and into the ship.
The lights went out across the boat. The only light was the occasional flash from outside. It was completely dark, but I knew it was still coming for us.
I ran out of the quarters as emergency lights slowly burned. The hallway must have been 100 feet long before Id reach the staircase, but when I was halfway through, my feet left the ground.
I felt weightless for a moment. The lights burned out and all around me was darkness. My heart was incredibly slow or maybe time had slowed. I felt the doorframe to Mrs. Partridges room snap against my elbow. There was no pain. I didnt even feel pain when glass cut across my back as I was hurled through the shattered window.
I crashed into the water, it must have been hundreds of feet below me. I was in shock. I looked around and all I saw was darkness. Then, suddenly, all I saw was light. The eel sent a pulse through its body and for the first time I saw the monster entirely. It surrounded the ship above water, coiled all about the waves, and entangled the entire ocean as deep as I could see.
This is not a colossal eel surviving a hurricane.
This colossal eel is the very being causing the hurricane.
A cosmic terror named Hurricane Georg.

I just have to live the rest of my life without my grandpa...it just makes no sense..... someone who brought the most happiness into my life is gone forever.
I will never be able to eat a tomato from his garden. or eat his macaroni and tomatoes that I love. I'll never be able to sit down at his table and look through all the old photos for the millionth time or go on boat rides with him.
he was diagnosed with congestive heart failure about 6-7 years ago. turned into lung cancer. it started to go away then spread everywhere in his body. he died about a week after choosing hospice. he just wanted to be pain free. I don't feel like i'll ever be the same.

Obviously Kendrick wiped Drake, but that doesn’t negate this song. Family Matters was a great disstrack content wise, especially to hit back after Euphoria. Sonically, it is the second best song from the beef (IMO behind Not Like Us). The flow, switches, energy, beats, everything clicked on this track. Kudos to Drake, even if Meet the Grahams was the critical hit, Not Like Us was the deathblow, and The Heart Part 6 was the embarrasing retreat.

So since yuu soul gem is inside of her stomach does that mean theoretically that a soul gem can appear inside someone lungs, eye, heart, etc?

It’s starting to work and I’m wow’ed. There’s such an apparent difference in task initiation, I can’t believe it and hope it continues! I don’t write on here much but now I’ve begun to refer to people as “my friends on reddit” and this thread is what helped me pull through here’s a bit of my story:

1. ⁠Female; Been on stims 12 years
2. ⁠Tried Strattera recently, I actually began to see small improvement quickly. BUT, my blood pressure increase was insane. I have heart disease in my family and regularly monitor so after a few days it was a no go. I was also so lethargic.
3. ⁠I’m extremely sensitive to medicine. My doctor suggested one of those test recently so I’ll be following up on that
4. ⁠Started on 100mg felt horrible the first 2 days, thought I might even be pregnant the nausea was so bad.. read alllll the messages here. Someone left a really helpful one about putting the capsule in yogurt, I then found another medical research paper that said it’s true, there is no difference if you do it that way. Knowing that I am sensitive, I thought what if I try half of it in yogurt….
5. ⁠So I have slowly tapered myself up over three weeks to a full 100 milligram, beginning with half a capsule sprinkled in yogurt in the morning (thanks to that girl! 🙌🏻)
6. ⁠I still felt slightly ill nearly all morning, so the past 2 nights I’ve taken it before bedtime, as someone else suggested. This has helped with the tiredness and the remainder of the nausea significantly

I’ll keep you posted, but I just wanted to say thank you to my Reddit friends. I know our doctors are experts, which is why my suggested this one, but only us know our bodies and it is important to remember that perhaps you might need to adjust to allow yours to catch up.
i’m also writing this because I am nearly 40 years old and I read so many people on here talking about their child being on it.
I CANNOT imagine putting a child on this immediately at 100 mg. What they feel is real and can be adjusted. We don’t have to suffer physically bc of ADHD. Whoever said 100 mg needed to be the minimum anyways? Pharma? Glad I tapered up!

Throwaway account but please bear with me. I've had continous trouble with sleep and I'm not sure what to do.
I am 25 yo and on and off (but lately much worse) I have immense trouble sleeping and also very easily woken up. This is causing me issues in every day life, with work, relationships and every day tasks, up to a point where I am dreading the night.
I have always been a light sleeper but have never had this much issue falling asleep. At night, without many distractions, my mind starts going into random scenarios that feel out of my control. This also happens during the day but I can control it and snap myself out of it. These are always fictional and morbid future scenarios (me dying, my parents/SO getting cancer or dying in some other sudden way, friends fighting with me etc.) Sometimes during the night I get irrational paranoia that someone is trying to get into my apartment (this has never happened and my town is really safe) or a feeling that someone is watching me, or my heart starts beating really fast out of nowhere. Even if I do fall asleep, lately I have been having nightmares of all sorts. This happens no matter how much I am tired. I cant fall asleep until 3-5 am until I am completely exhausted. Then I wake up before 9am for work, or around 7 if I go to gym before work. I work from home and at some point I just get too tired and take a 1h nap so I can continue with my day. I tried skipping the nap several times to see if I could fall asleep in the evening but it hasnt helpped and has always left me just more exhausted.
I exercise 3-4 times a day, don't drink coffee in the afternoon anymore, I eat mostly healthy and avoid alcohol apart from social gatherings. I have tried prescribed sleeping pills, went through the whole pack and it has maybe helpped once or twice. I habe gone through regular blood tests and hormone tests and I am perfectly healthy. I have not sought out professional psycological help as I generally don't trust my countries medical system, have friends with multiple bad experiences, and I cannot afford privste help.
I am sorry if I am complaining about nothing as I have seen much worse stories here but I am out of my depth and desperate. I feel like I am permanently completely exhausted and I cannot find joy in anything (but wont go into futher detail as this post has been long enough)

I had a 5.5 year old white German Shepherd. One night I came home from work and he was not eating, the next day he still hadn’t eaten anything. Later that night his neck and face were incredibly swollen so I rushed him to the emergency vet. The vet sedated him and examined his throat and showed me that his tonsils were the size of golf balls. They also ultrasound and aspirated his swollen neck but nothing was shown. They sent me home with antibiotics and anti inflammatory saying that if it does not get better that it could be an abscess due to a foreign body such as a fox tail weed which we do have in our yard or an allergic reaction and we should plan CT/Exploratory surgery and told me it could be around 3k for those before treatment and stay. The diagnosis at the time was majority cellulitis.
During the course of his medicine he improved greatly. His facial swelling went down, he started acting normal, eating as usual, but his throat swelling was still present.
After the medicine was finished he was still good until 2 days later his eyes looked a little red. I planned on going to a standard vet that was 2 days out because he was still playing, eating, etc. The next day I came home and his eyes were half red and looked to be filled with blood. I was freaking out and noticed he was, what I thought at the time lethargic and also not eating again.
I brought him back to the emergency vet (about a week after initial visit) and as soon as I walked in they told me he was blind (bilateral hyphema) and my heart sank, I could only think if I brought him in the previous day then maybe his vision could’ve been saved as he could see 24 hours prior. Shortly after telling me that, the vet immediately told me it doesn’t look good. He had a fever of 105.9 and the swelling in his neck was firm as a rock. She first said it could very well be cancer. The inflammation was so bad it caused the bleeding in his eyes. She then told me they couldn’t do anything because they didn’t have a CT machine there but decided to x ray him anyway. Nothing showed up.
After the x ray the vet just looked at me. She told me that she read in my report that I couldn’t really afford a CT scan and the future surgery and that she could prescribe me another round of medicine to give it one last shot and to think about “quality of life” during that week. I immediately knew what that meant and I lost it. Man in his 30s crying for the first time in a while in front of all these people. She then proceeded to tell me that “It would be an alright choice to put him to sleep now.”
It was a blur, she kind of just guided me in there and it started happening, placing IV etc... Honestly I can’t even remember if I said anything or shook my head a certain way to result in this but I went along anyway thinking is was the right thing. Anyway, 30 minutes later he was peacefully, permanently, asleep in my arm. Then I just walked out with his collar that I came in with and left him. My shirt covered in his hair and slobber…
I feel an incredible amount of guilt. He was purely innocent and so happy. Playing ball with me not even 24 hours prior. It was true I didn’t have money to pays for the thousands in vet bills. I have a stay at home wife and a 1 year old and 3 year old boy and didn’t have the type of money I had prior to all of that… but the thing is I had him first and he didn’t ask for any of this. Looking back I should have sold my car and took a bus to work or something to just try the CT. I cannot believe I let him go so easily.
I don’t know why I’m posting this. I guess I think that someone should know what I’ve done.
Sorry.

19F.
Hello. I’m hoping to get some advice. I’ve thrown up 3 times today, all bright red blood in it. I also felt like my heart rate was going really fast so I bought one of those finger readers and it says 150. Should I be worried? I feel lightheaded.

TL;DR: What was your process for getting back into shape/reconditioning once you were recovered from your patch?
I had my second blood patch a month ago now and I feel that it’s safe for me to increase my time upright.
I’m spending spurts of ~2 hrs tops at my desk, eating meals at the table, showering, brushing my teeth standing up, doing small chores like dishes and small loads of laundry.
Besides the deconditioning and aching/pain in my postural muscles I don’t find myself having any concerning symptoms.
That being said, I’m a bit more fragile than some patients because I have hEDS and my first blood patch failed after 2.5 months. I was a bit careless the first time and likely went back to my active lifestyle too soon.
When I say “active lifestyle” I mean going to an EDS aware physical therapist who had me doing the lowest setting on recumbent bike for 5 minutes, some exercises with bands, and when I felt strong enough I tried to do the nautilus machines without any weight. The leak symptoms came back after I had been exercising for one month (gradually over a week’s time).
What I’m struggling with is making the right call for how hard to push myself. If I’m going to make the effort to exercise I want to get some physical benefit out of it that will aid me in my recovery.
This time around I’ve gone on 3 short walks (~5 minutes each) spread out over 2 days in between. I’ve noticed some shortness of breath, feeling like I can’t take a deep enough breath, and possibly some wheezing. (I’m going to my PCP ASAP about this).
My heart rate doesn’t really get that high (my average is 65 bpm and my highest I got was 88 bpm for 1 minute) and that makes me wonder if it’s even beneficial to bother because I’m not getting up to my peak heart rate.
Help?