I took a week off of work and college had started their two-week break before the next semester. I took my chance and cleared my calendar and booked a trip to the town where my grandfather stayed while he was a journalist. The greyhound ride was a good time for me to figure out my approach, while the busy cityscape outside my window slowly faded into Southern African wilderness, nothing but trees and empty kilometers of road before I reached my stop, a homely town that seemed well connected to the rest despite the distance. It had been many years since my grandfather had set foot in this town, yet I could feel his influence. The roads were now cracked and showed their wear, shops and residences had been renovated and upgraded, looking more modern and slightly out of place.
The hotel my grandfather stayed at while on the investigation was now a more comfortable looking lodge, with a view over the rolling foothills of the Drakensberg and the surrounding cities, one of which I could see my home, vaguely. The sun had begun to set and I still needed to get my information from the residents. I unpacked my things after booking my room and set out, like a tourist with a pen and notebook in hand asking anyone what they may know. To no one’s surprise, they mostly looked at me like I was insane or a knock off Leon Schuster trying to get them to react in a funny way. I had almost given up completely until I sat near one of the social areas where they would light a fire and residents at the lodge would sit and relax while watching the sun go down. I was alone there and just sat drawing the distant landscape dreading the silence for the next week while I waited for the next bus to arrive and I’d return home. Two days passed in mainly silence.
That was until a man sat near me, dressed in weathered jeans and an old top with work boots covered in dust and dirt, his face obscured by a large hat covering his face, his hands in his pockets even as he sat but his arms almost looked skeleton like, his long white hair flowing from either side of his hat.
“Can I help you?” I asked, feeling like he was trying to get my attention.
“No, but I can help you. You cause quite a lot of noise, trying to get the people to talk about something that scares them.” He said, his voice didn’t come across as harsh, more like cautious. The first person who decided to talk to me in a casual manner since a couple days ago. He wanted to tell me what I wanted to know.
Without any hesitation I turned to the page I set aside for notes when the man chuckled.
“Something funny?” I asked.
“You’re going to need more pages than that.” He said, flicking his hat up slightly while he sat back and got comfortable.
“Trust me, this is all I need.” I said feeling like I had to tiptoe around the subject as to not let the opportunity slip, but I also felt overwhelmingly anxious, almost like someone else was watching us. I felt my gaze shift every so often over my shoulder trying to find the entity that was staring a hole through me, apart from a quiet street crossing and some pedestrians; nothing.
“Something there?” Asked the man, as I shook off the feeling. I started getting a bit annoyed by the short answers and questions.
“Just feel like-, never mind. If you’re ready to help give me some information, what should I call you?” I asked as the man took a moment.
“Call me ‘Farmhand’. Since it’ll sound better than my real name, you’ll find that out in time.” Said Farmhand as I wrote that down in my notebook and began phrasing the question in my mind as to get the proper answer. Furiously tapping my pen on the page.
“Just ask, I already know what you want to know.” He said, I looked up from the page, slightly irritated by the confidence.
“How can you be so sure, Farmhand?” I blurted.
“You aren’t the first person to go on this goose chase. The Lady in White is very particular in her targets.” Farmhand explained, I wrote down everything.
“What’s her story, like the true story; why does she haunt this stretch of road?” I asked. Farmhand chuckled.
“She doesn’t haunt, she’s simply looking for a lift.” He said in the distinct Afrikaans twang that so many white South Africans have, it’s by no means ominous, more of a conversation encouragement than anything else.
“A lift? To where?” I asked. I heard so many different types of tales, from her being hostile to men, a companion to young women and a bit of both to younger males. But the main part that stayed the same was that they were alone.
“Her matric dance, my seun.” Farmhand said, the only other person to call me ‘Seun’ was my dad, the Afrikaans for son.
“What exactly happened?” I asked, pen at the ready.
“The legend goes far back, but the main story that my pa always told me was that she was with her boyfriend in the car, they went along this road and broke down; one of the worst places to break down since around eight is when the busses shut down and the last train has departed from the station. She chose to try down the street, bearing in mind how dangerous that is these days, it was a little bit less so then.” Farmhand said as he took off his hat, keeping his gaze at the setting sun.
“How much less dangerous?” I asked.
“Snakes, though the venomous Boomslang doesn’t go out of its way to kill you, no Black Mamba’s live up here. No, we have jackals and caracals, they hunt in packs and pick you off in the dead of night.” Farmhand explained.
“Is that how it happened, how she died?” Farmhand chuckled lightly.
“Nope, she saw a car in the distance and flagged them down, asked them to help take her to town or help her boyfriend. The man took her up the road and when they started to approach where she had broken down, the boyfriend tried flagging them down. Her joy turned to terror as the stranger sped up and before the boyfriend knew it, the car had hit him. The last she saw of him was him tumbling down the hill among the trees.” Farmhand said. Placing his hat on his chest, closing his eyes and bowing his head. After a short silence, I asked:
“What happened next?”
“Well, the girl was hysterical, the car was still speeding up and she yelled at the man to stop, and kept pleading for him to let her go. Eventually the man had stopped, the girl got out and started calling to the boyfriend to see if he had somehow survived, as she did, the stranger hit her on the back of her head and had his way with her.” Farmhand said, provoking a sour taste in my mouth, a sheer sense of guilt welled up in my stomach.
“Now I understand why no one was willing to tell me the story.” I said, slightly defeated. The man put a hand on my knee like my grandfather used to and looked me in the eye. For the first time I noticed his wrinkled but kind face, he smiled.
“It’s not a story everyone can stomach. Come, let’s finish this so you can write your story.” Farmhand said as he sat back on the couch, a thought struck me; was I so obvious that he knew I was a journalist writing a story? Because I don’t remember ever disclosing the fact I was a journalist. Regardless, we continued.
“After the stranger- did the act, what happened?” I asked uneasily, feeling sick to my stomach.
“He put her in his car, and drove back to the spot where they broke down, but a half a kilometer away she woke up and he pushed her out of the car at high speed. She should’ve died there, but she crawled, half her body scratched, scraped and broken. She died slowly and alone. Before she died she heard her boyfriend calling for her.” Farmhand continued.
“Did he ever find her?”
There was silence, even the birds had stopped chirping and the street had gone quiet.
“No, I don’t believe he did. Whether or not he died looking is another story, but that’s not what you’re here for.” The Farmer said as he stood up, placed his hat on his head and began to walk off, before he passed me, he put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed it.
“Promise me one thing; be careful. Can you do that for me, Alex?” Farmhand said before he patted me on the shoulder and walked off without waiting for my answer. I turned to confront him but he was gone, it couldn’t have been more than a second, but it was like he vanished into thin air. I was left confused and bewildered. The notes were real, the pen marks solid and clear. The events I was informed of felt vivid, yet the silence that fell around me felt otherworldly. I was feeling lost and exhausted before, now I was more awake than I had ever been.
Around eight that night, the sun had set and the mountain had cast a chilling shadow over the down I stayed, sleet had been reported near us and snow on the mountain. If I was going to get the answer I so desperately wanted, I was going to have to earn it. I walked to my car, steam cascading from my nostrils as the cold air turned frigid with even the slightest of breezes. I got in my car and drove to the first rest point along the mountain to gather some supplies: Some water and snacks, a couple of pre-charged battery packs for my recorder as I don’t want to stop every fifteen to twenty minutes to write down my experience. This would also prove if I was going insane or not, when asked by a couple of the staff at the store, I told them my intentions and they sounded interested for the first time. When I left I tested the packs and sure enough; fully charged and my recorder was clean and ready to be used.
I approached the entrance to the mountain pass that had been the setting for this ghost story that has latched on to me since childhood. No street lamps, no signs, yet the road itself was painted brightly and every so often a glowing marker was placed to ensure you knew when to turn and when to slow down. The threshold felt like a portal, the point where light didn’t reach and would not pass, even down to the road, where it was light, it looked traveled on, occupied and used; the mountain pass looked pristine; almost as if it hadn’t been touched for decades. As I looked beyond the pass, far below what was called the foothills of the Drakensberg, a large highway was built, the lights from the cars, the lamps and signs glowed for kilometers in the distance. After delaying for twenty minutes, I turned my car on, flicked on the high-beams and began my journey.
Every few minutes I would check my recorder, to make sure it was on and still functioning, it lay on the passenger seat in plain view, I could see some bright lights giving me the information if the screen was somehow obscured. It was a long while before anything happened. Maybe it was paranoia, maybe it was anxiety, whatever it was wouldn’t stop me from exploring this legend. Worst thing that could happen is I travel sixty kilometers and nothing happens and it turns out my grandfather was just trying to scare me. I turned again after a lengthy passage of time and I got my answer.
I don’t remember stopping, I don’t even think I saw anyone on the side of the road, maybe it was while I was looking at my recorder, but I felt a cold presence behind me.
“Do you know where you’re going?” Asked a voice, a quiet but feminine voice. A chill erupted throughout my body; a violent sense of panic coursed through my mind because I knew where the sound came from. It came from behind me. My hands began to shake but I dared not take my hands away from the wheel.
“Do you?” It asked again. The answer got caught in my throat, I found myself unable to speak.
“No, not really.” I managed though my voice felt hoarse.
“You seem to know what you want.” The voice said again, it sounded curious. I stayed silent, the road twisted and wound around the mountain in a chaotic and frantic fashion.
“Are you scared?” She asked again, the voice coming from next to me. I turned to look but a cold hand kept my eyes glued to the road.
“Keep your eyes on the road, enough people have died here.” She said, as my nerves calmed slightly.
“Who are you?” I asked, my eyes focused and the world around me much less than an echo.
“Why do you want to know?” She asked, sounding more like she was in a void, her voice had more of an echo than anything else.
“I want to know what happened here. The true story.” I said after taking a breath and gathering my nerves, the road seemed to calm down, from sharp uphill turns to moonlight sweeping curves that allowed my gaze to rest as the shadow of the trees passed us by.
“Can I trust you?” She asked, the question rang through my head as I remember what Farmhand said, how she trusted a stranger who took advantage of her.
“Yes. Yes you can.” I said after a while. The figure turned to me; I could feel her eyes scrutinize every inch of me.
“You’re not like him?” Her questions kept hammering into me, I felt a mix of fear and guilt, knowing who she was referring to.
“I won’t hurt you. I want to help.” I said after a while, gathering a fragile sense of courage as my hands shook furiously. The road seemed to twist and turn, harsh rising hills. Sharp corners told the tale of her many victims as my headlights passed by, the scrapes and dents of hard hits leading to a drop that seemed to have no end, not a single tree could be seen and the moonlight from high above could not pierce the dark veil that lingered joust over the edge of the road. After a while, she spoke again.
“Alright, I trust you.” She said as I allowed my eyes to wander, the figure relaxed in the passenger seat for a while, my recorder on the center console as I saw her blue skin, almost emitting a frozen chill as I saw her dress, torn and tattered, my stomach felt uneasy when I saw bruising and swelling near her inner thighs. Her hands crossed in her lap as I saw the scratches and what looked like deep cuts on her arms and exposed shoulders from the straps on her dress. I could not see much of her face as it seemed her face was bleeding.
“What happened that night?” I asked, concentrating on the road again. My passenger stayed quiet for a while, quietly shuddering and sniffing before she spoke again.
“I was happy, a man I loved decided I would be his date for the matric dance. We’d known each other since we were children. My best friend. We were driving along this road to get to the lodge, where the dance was being held.” Her voice sounded sourly-joyful, her hands didn’t move from her lap much, so as to not distract me with her hand movements.
“It was a while before town, the car started shaking. I thought the tire had blown, but smoke came from the front. We stopped nearby.” She pointed and I could see the flashing of hazard lights and the smell of smoke invaded my nostrils.
“I thought I’d get some help, he said he’d be fine and that I should hurry back. I walked for a while; it was a cold night still. I walked for, I don’t know how long. But I managed to get an old man to stop. He said he’d help; we just need to get my man and he’d sort out the car.” She said as the road began to crack and fall apart at the edge.
“Do you know what he did?” She asked me, I assumed it was a test to see if I was listening.
“He deceived you.” I answered. She nodded, looking down for a short while before continuing.
“He asked why I was alone on this road. I told him I wasn’t, that I was on my way to town with my man, and I told him about who he was, what he meant to me. I was overjoyed when I saw him, my joy turned to confusion, to horror as he sped up and ran him over. I saw his body roll into the trees, I thought for sure he was dead.” She pointed to the part of the road that had a piece of cloth swaying in the breeze, marking where her man was hit and last seen by her.
“After I witnessed my childhood innocence be ripped from me, he finally stopped, that butcher! I blacked out with a sharp pain, when next I woke, I couldn't feel my legs and my fingers were numb. Just before I said anything, he pushed me out of his car. I remember falling, the road was like ice, all I could do was crawl.” She said, her anger translating to the road shifting and breaking apart, turning violently uphill only for the sheer drops and sharp turns that threatened to throw me off the edge. I barely managed to keep the car on the road as the road shifted again, it was so silent that I could hear the tires screeching like a distant wail.
“I’ve searched for years, if he’d ever return, I’d make sure he never left like he left me.” She said as the note my grandfather left in his books, the man who was panicked and sketchy, had his autopsy reveal that he was of the elderly group. I felt a slight pang of guilt as I realized that the man who did this to her was probably dead for a while. I weathered her storm of rage as the stretch of road became calm, as did she.
“I’m sorry you suffered like that; I wish there was something I could do.” I said unconsciously. I felt her gaze soften to me; her rage calmed as she went back to her neutral position.
“He was called ‘Farmhand. Because he was trustworthy, kind and reliable..” My eyes widened as the realization crashed on my face: He lived.
“If you aren’t like how he was, then you don’t deserve to leave this road.” Her voice was harsh, the road began to fall apart, the cracks forming as parts fell away like they had been falling apart for years, though my body was fatigued, I kept the car on the road. As uncomfortable as the ride was, the road soon turned into dirt paths, completely unlit and unpredictable. It felt like hours before it returned to normal, albeit slowly, my hands still shook relentlessly. I understood her outrage. I couldn’t imagine the trauma she experienced, the sadness.
“If you would like, I can take you back to town.” I asked. In retrospect, that was a stupid question.
“I don’t know.” She replied, unsure and confused.
“No rush, we have time.” I said as I turned around and began my long drive back to town. The road swerved and waved calmly, completely different to the approach. I drove to the point where The Lady in White was last seen, after a while I parked my car near the spot and looked to my side. The woman wasn’t there. I looked at my watch and my recorder. The sun had begun to rise over the hills, the air was crisp and fresh, I stayed for a while to just take in the sight of a calm morning before turning my recorder off and driving back.
I returned to my hotel room and after placing everything on the desk, I fell onto my bed and fell asleep, my body was exhausted and my mind was fatigued beyond words. I fell into a dreamless sleep and woke up in the afternoon. Having something to eat I went over the events from last night, pen and paper at the ready, I prepared to hear myself talking to nothing and no one. The doubt set in before I even hit the play button, after a while of convincing myself that I have some concrete evidence, I pressed play. To my surprise, it sounded like there were two people in the car, me and a woman, although the woman’s voice was covered by static. I wrote down all I could, that is what you’re reading.
The next couple of days went by and nothing special happened, I kept to myself most of the time. While analyzing everything I captured. It all seemed like a dream, an incredibly vivid dream. The last note I made during this investigation was: if something like that exists here, surely more stories remain in this part of the world. As the trees faded into the distance as the bus trundled along the trail back, the forest retreating as I returned back to the concrete and steel, it wasn’t long before the questions I had before, followed me home.

Roaming Road/ Lady in White Part 2

I took a week off of work and college had started their two-week break before the next semester. I took my chance and cleared my calendar and booked a trip to the town where my grandfather stayed while he was a journalist. The greyhound ride was a good time for me to figure out my approach, while the busy cityscape outside my window slowly faded into Southern African wilderness, nothing but trees and empty kilometers of road before I reached my stop, a homely town that seemed well connected to the rest despite the distance. It had been many years since my grandfather had set foot in this town, yet I could feel his influence. The roads were now cracked and showed their wear, shops and residences had been renovated and upgraded, looking more modern and slightly out of place.
The hotel my grandfather stayed at while on the investigation was now a more comfortable looking lodge, with a view over the rolling foothills of the Drakensberg and the surrounding cities, one of which I could see my home, vaguely. The sun had begun to set and I still needed to get my information from the residents. I unpacked my things after booking my room and set out, like a tourist with a pen and notebook in hand asking anyone what they may know. To no one’s surprise, they mostly looked at me like I was insane or a knock off Leon Schuster trying to get them to react in a funny way. I had almost given up completely until I sat near one of the social areas where they would light a fire and residents at the lodge would sit and relax while watching the sun go down. I was alone there and just sat drawing the distant landscape dreading the silence for the next week while I waited for the next bus to arrive and I’d return home. Two days passed in mainly silence.
That was until a man sat near me, dressed in weathered jeans and an old top with work boots covered in dust and dirt, his face obscured by a large hat covering his face, his hands in his pockets even as he sat but his arms almost looked skeleton like, his long white hair flowing from either side of his hat.
“Can I help you?” I asked, feeling like he was trying to get my attention.
“No, but I can help you. You cause quite a lot of noise, trying to get the people to talk about something that scares them.” He said, his voice didn’t come across as harsh, more like cautious. The first person who decided to talk to me in a casual manner since a couple days ago. He wanted to tell me what I wanted to know.
Without any hesitation I turned to the page I set aside for notes when the man chuckled.
“Something funny?” I asked.
“You’re going to need more pages than that.” He said, flicking his hat up slightly while he sat back and got comfortable.
“Trust me, this is all I need.” I said feeling like I had to tiptoe around the subject as to not let the opportunity slip, but I also felt overwhelmingly anxious, almost like someone else was watching us. I felt my gaze shift every so often over my shoulder trying to find the entity that was staring a hole through me, apart from a quiet street crossing and some pedestrians; nothing.
“Something there?” Asked the man, as I shook off the feeling. I started getting a bit annoyed by the short answers and questions.
“Just feel like-, never mind. If you’re ready to help give me some information, what should I call you?” I asked as the man took a moment.
“Call me ‘Farmhand’. Since it’ll sound better than my real name, you’ll find that out in time.” Said Farmhand as I wrote that down in my notebook and began phrasing the question in my mind as to get the proper answer. Furiously tapping my pen on the page.
“Just ask, I already know what you want to know.” He said, I looked up from the page, slightly irritated by the confidence.
“How can you be so sure, Farmhand?” I blurted.
“You aren’t the first person to go on this goose chase. The Lady in White is very particular in her targets.” Farmhand explained, I wrote down everything.
“What’s her story, like the true story; why does she haunt this stretch of road?” I asked. Farmhand chuckled.
“She doesn’t haunt, she’s simply looking for a lift.” He said in the distinct Afrikaans twang that so many white South Africans have, it’s by no means ominous, more of a conversation encouragement than anything else.
“A lift? To where?” I asked. I heard so many different types of tales, from her being hostile to men, a companion to young women and a bit of both to younger males. But the main part that stayed the same was that they were alone.
“Her matric dance, my seun.” Farmhand said, the only other person to call me ‘Seun’ was my dad, the Afrikaans for son.
“What exactly happened?” I asked, pen at the ready.
“The legend goes far back, but the main story that my pa always told me was that she was with her boyfriend in the car, they went along this road and broke down; one of the worst places to break down since around eight is when the busses shut down and the last train has departed from the station. She chose to try down the street, bearing in mind how dangerous that is these days, it was a little bit less so then.” Farmhand said as he took off his hat, keeping his gaze at the setting sun.
“How much less dangerous?” I asked.
“Snakes, though the venomous Boomslang doesn’t go out of its way to kill you, no Black Mamba’s live up here. No, we have jackals and caracals, they hunt in packs and pick you off in the dead of night.” Farmhand explained.
“Is that how it happened, how she died?” Farmhand chuckled lightly.
“Nope, she saw a car in the distance and flagged them down, asked them to help take her to town or help her boyfriend. The man took her up the road and when they started to approach where she had broken down, the boyfriend tried flagging them down. Her joy turned to terror as the stranger sped up and before the boyfriend knew it, the car had hit him. The last she saw of him was him tumbling down the hill among the trees.” Farmhand said. Placing his hat on his chest, closing his eyes and bowing his head. After a short silence, I asked:
“What happened next?”
“Well, the girl was hysterical, the car was still speeding up and she yelled at the man to stop, and kept pleading for him to let her go. Eventually the man had stopped, the girl got out and started calling to the boyfriend to see if he had somehow survived, as she did, the stranger hit her on the back of her head and had his way with her.” Farmhand said, provoking a sour taste in my mouth, a sheer sense of guilt welled up in my stomach.
“Now I understand why no one was willing to tell me the story.” I said, slightly defeated. The man put a hand on my knee like my grandfather used to and looked me in the eye. For the first time I noticed his wrinkled but kind face, he smiled.
“It’s not a story everyone can stomach. Come, let’s finish this so you can write your story.” Farmhand said as he sat back on the couch, a thought struck me; was I so obvious that he knew I was a journalist writing a story? Because I don’t remember ever disclosing the fact I was a journalist. Regardless, we continued.
“After the stranger- did the act, what happened?” I asked uneasily, feeling sick to my stomach.
“He put her in his car, and drove back to the spot where they broke down, but a half a kilometer away she woke up and he pushed her out of the car at high speed. She should’ve died there, but she crawled, half her body scratched, scraped and broken. She died slowly and alone. Before she died she heard her boyfriend calling for her.” Farmhand continued.
“Did he ever find her?”
There was silence, even the birds had stopped chirping and the street had gone quiet.
“No, I don’t believe he did. Whether or not he died looking is another story, but that’s not what you’re here for.” The Farmer said as he stood up, placed his hat on his head and began to walk off, before he passed me, he put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed it.
“Promise me one thing; be careful. Can you do that for me, Alex?” Farmhand said before he patted me on the shoulder and walked off without waiting for my answer. I turned to confront him but he was gone, it couldn’t have been more than a second, but it was like he vanished into thin air. I was left confused and bewildered. The notes were real, the pen marks solid and clear. The events I was informed of felt vivid, yet the silence that fell around me felt otherworldly. I was feeling lost and exhausted before, now I was more awake than I had ever been.
Around eight that night, the sun had set and the mountain had cast a chilling shadow over the down I stayed, sleet had been reported near us and snow on the mountain. If I was going to get the answer I so desperately wanted, I was going to have to earn it. I walked to my car, steam cascading from my nostrils as the cold air turned frigid with even the slightest of breezes. I got in my car and drove to the first rest point along the mountain to gather some supplies: Some water and snacks, a couple of pre-charged battery packs for my recorder as I don’t want to stop every fifteen to twenty minutes to write down my experience. This would also prove if I was going insane or not, when asked by a couple of the staff at the store, I told them my intentions and they sounded interested for the first time. When I left I tested the packs and sure enough; fully charged and my recorder was clean and ready to be used.
I approached the entrance to the mountain pass that had been the setting for this ghost story that has latched on to me since childhood. No street lamps, no signs, yet the road itself was painted brightly and every so often a glowing marker was placed to ensure you knew when to turn and when to slow down. The threshold felt like a portal, the point where light didn’t reach and would not pass, even down to the road, where it was light, it looked traveled on, occupied and used; the mountain pass looked pristine; almost as if it hadn’t been touched for decades. As I looked beyond the pass, far below what was called the foothills of the Drakensberg, a large highway was built, the lights from the cars, the lamps and signs glowed for kilometers in the distance. After delaying for twenty minutes, I turned my car on, flicked on the high-beams and began my journey.
Every few minutes I would check my recorder, to make sure it was on and still functioning, it lay on the passenger seat in plain view, I could see some bright lights giving me the information if the screen was somehow obscured. It was a long while before anything happened. Maybe it was paranoia, maybe it was anxiety, whatever it was wouldn’t stop me from exploring this legend. Worst thing that could happen is I travel sixty kilometers and nothing happens and it turns out my grandfather was just trying to scare me. I turned again after a lengthy passage of time and I got my answer.
I don’t remember stopping, I don’t even think I saw anyone on the side of the road, maybe it was while I was looking at my recorder, but I felt a cold presence behind me.
“Do you know where you’re going?” Asked a voice, a quiet but feminine voice. A chill erupted throughout my body; a violent sense of panic coursed through my mind because I knew where the sound came from. It came from behind me. My hands began to shake but I dared not take my hands away from the wheel.
“Do you?” It asked again. The answer got caught in my throat, I found myself unable to speak.
“No, not really.” I managed though my voice felt hoarse.
“You seem to know what you want.” The voice said again, it sounded curious. I stayed silent, the road twisted and wound around the mountain in a chaotic and frantic fashion.
“Are you scared?” She asked again, the voice coming from next to me. I turned to look but a cold hand kept my eyes glued to the road.
“Keep your eyes on the road, enough people have died here.” She said, as my nerves calmed slightly.
“Who are you?” I asked, my eyes focused and the world around me much less than an echo.
“Why do you want to know?” She asked, sounding more like she was in a void, her voice had more of an echo than anything else.
“I want to know what happened here. The true story.” I said after taking a breath and gathering my nerves, the road seemed to calm down, from sharp uphill turns to moonlight sweeping curves that allowed my gaze to rest as the shadow of the trees passed us by.
“Can I trust you?” She asked, the question rang through my head as I remember what Farmhand said, how she trusted a stranger who took advantage of her.
“Yes. Yes you can.” I said after a while. The figure turned to me; I could feel her eyes scrutinize every inch of me.
“You’re not like him?” Her questions kept hammering into me, I felt a mix of fear and guilt, knowing who she was referring to.
“I won’t hurt you. I want to help.” I said after a while, gathering a fragile sense of courage as my hands shook furiously. The road seemed to twist and turn, harsh rising hills. Sharp corners told the tale of her many victims as my headlights passed by, the scrapes and dents of hard hits leading to a drop that seemed to have no end, not a single tree could be seen and the moonlight from high above could not pierce the dark veil that lingered joust over the edge of the road. After a while, she spoke again.
“Alright, I trust you.” She said as I allowed my eyes to wander, the figure relaxed in the passenger seat for a while, my recorder on the center console as I saw her blue skin, almost emitting a frozen chill as I saw her dress, torn and tattered, my stomach felt uneasy when I saw bruising and swelling near her inner thighs. Her hands crossed in her lap as I saw the scratches and what looked like deep cuts on her arms and exposed shoulders from the straps on her dress. I could not see much of her face as it seemed her face was bleeding.
“What happened that night?” I asked, concentrating on the road again. My passenger stayed quiet for a while, quietly shuddering and sniffing before she spoke again.
“I was happy, a man I loved decided I would be his date for the matric dance. We’d known each other since we were children. My best friend. We were driving along this road to get to the lodge, where the dance was being held.” Her voice sounded sourly-joyful, her hands didn’t move from her lap much, so as to not distract me with her hand movements.
“It was a while before town, the car started shaking. I thought the tire had blown, but smoke came from the front. We stopped nearby.” She pointed and I could see the flashing of hazard lights and the smell of smoke invaded my nostrils.
“I thought I’d get some help, he said he’d be fine and that I should hurry back. I walked for a while; it was a cold night still. I walked for, I don’t know how long. But I managed to get an old man to stop. He said he’d help; we just need to get my man and he’d sort out the car.” She said as the road began to crack and fall apart at the edge.
“Do you know what he did?” She asked me, I assumed it was a test to see if I was listening.
“He deceived you.” I answered. She nodded, looking down for a short while before continuing.
“He asked why I was alone on this road. I told him I wasn’t, that I was on my way to town with my man, and I told him about who he was, what he meant to me. I was overjoyed when I saw him, my joy turned to confusion, to horror as he sped up and ran him over. I saw his body roll into the trees, I thought for sure he was dead.” She pointed to the part of the road that had a piece of cloth swaying in the breeze, marking where her man was hit and last seen by her.
“After I witnessed my childhood innocence be ripped from me, he finally stopped, that butcher! I blacked out with a sharp pain, when next I woke, I couldn't feel my legs and my fingers were numb. Just before I said anything, he pushed me out of his car. I remember falling, the road was like ice, all I could do was crawl.” She said, her anger translating to the road shifting and breaking apart, turning violently uphill only for the sheer drops and sharp turns that threatened to throw me off the edge. I barely managed to keep the car on the road as the road shifted again, it was so silent that I could hear the tires screeching like a distant wail.
“I’ve searched for years, if he’d ever return, I’d make sure he never left like he left me.” She said as the note my grandfather left in his books, the man who was panicked and sketchy, had his autopsy reveal that he was of the elderly group. I felt a slight pang of guilt as I realized that the man who did this to her was probably dead for a while. I weathered her storm of rage as the stretch of road became calm, as did she.
“I’m sorry you suffered like that; I wish there was something I could do.” I said unconsciously. I felt her gaze soften to me; her rage calmed as she went back to her neutral position.
“He was called ‘Farmhand. Because he was trustworthy, kind and reliable..” My eyes widened as the realization crashed on my face: He lived.
“If you aren’t like how he was, then you don’t deserve to leave this road.” Her voice was harsh, the road began to fall apart, the cracks forming as parts fell away like they had been falling apart for years, though my body was fatigued, I kept the car on the road. As uncomfortable as the ride was, the road soon turned into dirt paths, completely unlit and unpredictable. It felt like hours before it returned to normal, albeit slowly, my hands still shook relentlessly. I understood her outrage. I couldn’t imagine the trauma she experienced, the sadness.
“If you would like, I can take you back to town.” I asked. In retrospect, that was a stupid question.
“I don’t know.” She replied, unsure and confused.
“No rush, we have time.” I said as I turned around and began my long drive back to town. The road swerved and waved calmly, completely different to the approach. I drove to the point where The Lady in White was last seen, after a while I parked my car near the spot and looked to my side. The woman wasn’t there. I looked at my watch and my recorder. The sun had begun to rise over the hills, the air was crisp and fresh, I stayed for a while to just take in the sight of a calm morning before turning my recorder off and driving back.
I returned to my hotel room and after placing everything on the desk, I fell onto my bed and fell asleep, my body was exhausted and my mind was fatigued beyond words. I fell into a dreamless sleep and woke up in the afternoon. Having something to eat I went over the events from last night, pen and paper at the ready, I prepared to hear myself talking to nothing and no one. The doubt set in before I even hit the play button, after a while of convincing myself that I have some concrete evidence, I pressed play. To my surprise, it sounded like there were two people in the car, me and a woman, although the woman’s voice was covered by static. I wrote down all I could, that is what you’re reading.
The next couple of days went by and nothing special happened, I kept to myself most of the time. While analyzing everything I captured. It all seemed like a dream, an incredibly vivid dream. The last note I made during this investigation was: if something like that exists here, surely more stories remain in this part of the world. As the trees faded into the distance as the bus trundled along the trail back, the forest retreating as I returned back to the concrete and steel, it wasn’t long before the questions I had before, followed me home.

My psychological thriller book Don't Look Inside is the perfect book to read this summer! The eBook is on sale for ONLY $0.99 for the rest of today. The best part is that the sale isn't just available on Amazon. If you prefer to buy your books from Barnes and Noble, Kobo, Google Play, Apple Books, or a bunch of other sites, the eBook is on sale there too. https://books2read.com/DLI
Don’t question the lies. Don’t investigate. And most importantly, Don’t Look Inside…
Elena Pierce’s junior year of college unfolds with a precarious situation—a mysterious new roommate named Mara. Despite her best efforts, Mara remains distant. Elena becomes increasingly wary as a string of unsettling disappearances rocks the campus.
Amid the chaos, Elena’s boyfriend exhibits strange behavior. Elena teams up with her friends Joe and Logan to unveil the truth. As they dig deeper, a shocking revelation emerges. Elena is forced to consider the unimaginable: Is someone close to her responsible for the vanishing girls?
In this gripping psychological thriller, Elena must confront the unsettling reality—the true culprits may be hiding in plain sight, ready to shatter her world forever.

As way of context my boyfriend and I were in a situationship for about 6 months before he made things official. Everything’s been going super well but I have a very big insecurity about him cheating because we never discussed if he was talking to other people when we had no label. He’s not secretive about his phone but last week I found a girl’s tank top in his ice box and last night a text popped up on his phone from a girl with a name I didn’t recognize. A little bit later he spent the night with me and turned off his notifications which he doesn’t really do. I’ve never been in a relationship before and I’m really bad with confrontation, so idk how to bring it up to him in a way that doesn’t sound insecure or like I’m trying to drive him away. So help!! what do I dooo?

Ok, normally I don’t let this crap get to me, but this one has me furious, and so I need to vent. LOL
So I’ve read the ACOTAR through ACOSF a couple times. I haven’t gotten to CC yet, bc I have heard it wasn’t necessarily good. While I don’t hate Feyre/Rhysand, even loved their story, I am a bigger fan of Nesta/Cassian. They’re very dynamic and genuine and real in the best and worst of times. Yea, they got issues, namely Nesta letting her guard down, which she has done, and Cassian putting her first, including over Rhys. Nesta has DONE the work. She atoned for all of her issues in ACOSF, she deserves her happiness and love. And Cassian does worship her, but he’s gotta work on putting Rhys in check when it comes to his mate.
Recently I saw some (please forgive my name calling) dumb 🧙 w/ a B on TT/IG saying that Nesta and Cassian aren’t true mates? I made the choice not to engage with such a moron, who obviously cannot read and lives in a delulu world where she thinks she knows more than the person who is telling the story, aka SJM. But I’ve come to Reddit to get it off my chest because are there really people this awful?!? People that would take away the thing that makes someone better? Take away someone’s love and happiness?
Dumb B talks about Tanwyn and bc Cassian isn’t always the best to Nesta, which let’s face it, he’s not, they cannot be mates. She also says they can’t be mates because he’s Illyrian and she’s High Fae. Nesta and Cassian knew what it was from the moment they met, and she was still human. She ignored it, but so did Feyre since they came up as humans. And Cassian and Nesta have the mating bond! It’s not something chosen, it’s something gifted, and they go through the mating bond in ACOSF. Again dummy from TT/IG is choosing to ignore the fact that Nesta changed her anatomy so she could bear his children without being at risk the way Feyre was. So, to my Nessian lovers and even those that may not like them but at least read the same books I did and is taking them as facts of the story, can you please explain how anyone can deny the mating bond that’s already written and confirmed?! Again, are there really people in the world that would deny Nesta and Cassian their happily ever after?! It’s kind of heartbreaking, because they would die without each other, and if they were to not be together, I think that would irrevocably break Nesta, Cassian did save her from herself. Why are there people that would want to cause this fictional character who has already been through enough more pain and trauma?! 💔🤷‍♀️
Thanks for hearing me out, be well!!

this is going to be a long post about what happened during our pinning/graduation ceremony. this might come off as OA but we just really wanted to feel beautiful on our big day :( there’s a summary of our complaints if u scroll down too hahaha
EVENT: nursing pinning (8:30 AM) and graduation (2:00 PM) (same day)
PRICE: ₱3000 each for 7 heads (initial agreement was ₱2500 before i mentioned the change hair and retouch for graduation)
INCLUSIONS: hair (low bun only) and make up for pinning, change hair (for toga cap) and retouch for graduation
(i will be using the pronouns they/theithem)
WHAT WE EXPECTED: we booked the main “PROFESSIONAL” MUA who had a big following and is famous in Cebu because we liked the make up style that was on their instagram page + the price fit our budget — so we expected main MUA to do the make up on all of us (station2 nga system) kay siya man among gi book, dili ang usa ka MUA na gidala niya nga completely different make up style.
WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED: the 2 MUAS (main and extra) did our make up separately. they had completely different styles. NO SKIN PREP except the evian that they sprayed and wiped off with tissue. i was one of the girls who had my makeup done with the extra MUA. i was not happy with my makeup. they used high end make up, with luxury brands like dior, fenty, bobbi brown, and mac. but it did not look nor feel expensive at all. YELLOW KAY AMONG NAWNG.
WHY DIDNT YOU TELL THE MUA? the energy in the room was not giving. it didn’t feel like a safe space for us to voice out how we felt about our make up. MURA MIG WALAY RIGHT MO SULTI SA AMONG NA FEEL KAY MALDITA KAAYO SILA. KONTRA GUSTO KAAYO. the vibes were super negative — they were lowkey arguing/telling each other off nga dili mag tapol2, magpa dungog2 na “siyay ni buhat sa tanan”, right in front of us.
TLDR
LATE - we agreed for them to ARRIVE at 5AM, but they messaged at 4:54 AM saying theyre otw and ARRIVED AT 5:30+AM
HUGAWAN - after they left, we saw so much USED tissues, disposable lipstick applicators, etc ON THE FLOOR when there were 2 trash cans - hugaw ang brushes. they obviously do not clean/use different sets for each client. - WALA NANG FLUSH SA CR. kusog ra gyud ang tubig. PUNO ANG BOWL UG IHI when my friend came back to the room after pinning.
UNPROFESSIONAL - they kept arguing/telling each other off in front of us - days before the event, I asked main MUA how many people are part of the team so we can project our expenses on food and etc. main MUA said 4. on the day, 2 did our make up, 2 did our hair. however, there was 1 more person who was just lounging around. lain sad kaayo ug dili namo palitan ug pagkaon ang usa. - NAG SIGE UG PADUNGOG2 NGA NAG DALI SILA. when almost everyone were “retouched” na for grad, nag unhanay sila ug naog para ma klaro nga nag dali sila. sigeg padungog2: “asa naman tong usa?” “pila nalay wala?” “aw napa juy usa wa ma retouch? asa naman?”
TAPOLAN - giingnan amo miga (after pinning) na "fresh paman ka dai, di nalang sa ka hilabtan" - we paid extra for retouch sa make up and for them to fix our hair. DRY KAAYO AMONG BUHOK. mura mig ga DIY ug kulot. kung inato raman diay ang hair maypa wa nalang mi nagpa retouch. - wala mi tabangi ug pwesto sa among graduation cap. we had to put it on ourselves because they were RUSHING TO LEAVE WHEN IT WAS ONLY 12:30 PM. gaslighted us, saying “inani lng ni ha, naa bitay cap”
NAWAGTANG AMONG BOX OF HAIR PINS - it was very cheap, 80 pesos for a box. we don’t care about how much we paid. BUT THE MERE FACT THAT THEY BROUGHT IT WITH THEM??????
i never want others to experience this especially on such an important event. may nalang nadala ra sa natural nga kagwapa haha

I (21F) and my boyfriend (20M) has been dating for two years now. We are in a long distance relationship and only meet for maybe around once in every 4 months. He’s a great guy and is the best bf ever. However, he’s never been able to make me cum, i lied every time about me coming because I can feel my down there getting dry. He always wanted to make sure I came but I just can’t. I can’t cum from doing it with him. There’s no foreplay, no touching, nothing at all most of the time. Even if there is it would be only a 2 minute session of it. I already tried to give him hints to satisfy me and he tries too but I still can’t cum. As much as I love him, I also want myself to feel satisfied when I’m with him.
I never told him this, never told him that I faked cum, I don’t want him to feel bad about it or that he isn’t enough. But it’s been 2 years and I never came, we have a rule in our relationship to never masturbate without each other near. I feel bad when he ask me if I’m satisfied and I always say yes. I don’t know what to do. I wanna cum from him. But I also don’t want him to feel as if he’s not enough or that he doesn’t satisfy me. I really don’t know how to communicate with him anymore TT. I’m crying now, I feel so bad but I also love him.

TLDR: went on first date, had a good feeling, got ghosted
I met somebody on tinder not too long ago, i messaged her first complimenting her hair. To my surprise she responded and told me I was the first one to say that. We exchanged some messages back and forth for a few days and all was going well. We mentioned meeting up a few times, but as we are both students and exams are not too far off, we didn’t have a lot of time.
Then last week she told me she had an evening free and if I wanted to, we could meet up. So of course I agreed and we met in the city where we both go to university. We took a small walk and talked about school, what kind of books she likes to read, just normal conversation, I wasn’t trying to flirt or push anything in a sexual direction as I am trying to build a connection before I want to commit.
At the end of our route we decided to go her place to smoke a joint, because she has nice private grassy area at her dorm. Whilst we were getting more stoned with every toke, you could notice the quality of our conversation going down. Im a regular smoker and she smokes occasionally, so she mightve been feeling it a lot harder than I was.
Also we were going through each other’s tinder profile for fun and swiping and sending messages, a little bit of silly fun, but I could immediately tell the difference. She had so many options and so many open conversations, but she decided to answer me and meet up with me, so I got a little self esteem boost.
After we finished smoking, she asked if I could roll a joint for her, because she was going to a friend’s birthday party and wanted to surprise him because she cannot roll joints/cigs. I agreed and we went inside her dorm room where we kept making conversation, she showed me some stuff in her room and eventually I rolled her joint and we “played” truth or dare after.
Note that I got another self esteem boost when she invited me in her dorm room, not that I wanted to do anything sexual with her, but I got the feeling she could trust me.
Nobody really suggested to play truth or dare, it just happened naturally because we tried to ask each other a question alternately. When I ran out of questions I said dare as a joke, but nothing serious happened. She made me do a somersault and the date after that she asked if she could put make up on me. I am a pretty alternative guy so I didn’t really mind, and if I could make her happy doing it, even better.
After the make up, I had to leave as I had to catch my train. As I was leaving I asked her if she had fun, to which she responded yes. I didn’t know how to say goodbye, so I asked if I could give her a hug. I tried to be respectful of her boundaries whilst still trying to let her know I wanted to take it to the next level.
After the date I asked her again if she had fun and if she was down to meet up again. She told me she had a good time, but she got really stoned. I didn’t interpret it as negative because of the emoji’s she used. But she never answered if she wanted to meet up again. Days went by, and I wanted to give her some time, cause we just met each other and we both have to study for exams.
So I decided to send her quick text asking how her friends birthday was and if she was getting some work done in the meantime. I never got a reply after that and this morning I asked her if she was ghosting me and if she was, I’d rather have her tell me what went wrong/what’s wrong with me than her just straight up ignoring my existence.
She replied by blocking me on instagram and unmatching me on tinder. I can’t help but think she was just trying to make fun of me while she was putting on make up on me, and it hurts so much because I thought it was a genuine intimate moment.
Sorry for the long post, I needed to get this off my chest someway, and I don’t have a lot of people in my life who I can really talk to. Somebody else going through the same struggles of online dating while being introverted?

1.) What have you studied? (Law of assumption?) Law of attraction, law of beliefs, law of assumptions...reality transformation,
2.)Which of Neville’s books and lectures have you read. Just saying all of them isn’t going to help much. Especially if you really haven’t.
I read all of Neville book from the complete reader..
I finished reading complete reader 7th times
I am able to understand Neville in deeper level.
3.)What techniques are you using?
Sats, affirmation and Revision
4.) Where did you learn the technique you are using?
Stats - from Neville Goddard book
Revision - from his lecture
Affirmation - from You
5.)Explain how you do the techniques you are doing.
Sats - before sleeping I used to imagine a new reality where I am wealthy, money comes to me easily I am financial independent.
Revision - any bad things happen to me o revised it
Affirmation - All negative beliefs I have about money I flip them into positive... I closed my eyes and I affirm my new beliefs about money
6.) How long have you been doing the technique.
From 4 month. I was able to manifest some amount of money.. Not big or good amount
7.) what is your new story about you? Tell me how you are wording it. What the goal is using that new story.
I am am millionaire,i am a wealthy man, I am deserving, i am blessed in money, money comes to me easily..i am abundant in money, I have more than enough..
My goal is to feel wealthy, confident in money,blessed in money,financially independent man.
8.) How long have you been telling the new story?
From 3 months
I was able to manifest money.. Not good amount, I wa able to manifest discount... Free tickets, free coffee,
Goal - I want earn 10k dollar per month...

This is about to be long because i love story telling so i apologize but someone out there, PLEASE read it. Not sure if this is the best place to post this, so feel free to redirect me somewhere else, but i need to know if I’m crazy or not.
Now over 2 years ago in the late winteearly spring, my best friend tried to set me up with someone (her soon to be husbands best friend). I live in the midwest and he is from the same city BUT he is stationed on the west coast in the military. (Red flag, i know) I’m not sure why i followed through with talking to him knowing he is so far away, but the way she described him and his personality, i felt like i just had to. The universe told me to. Turns out we have A LOT in common. Very similar sense of humor and personality and views on life and all that nonsense. We really hit it off. We would talk every night for hours and all day long as well. He would talk about me to his friends like he’s never talked about anyone. Which truly made me think that he was into me since he would talk about it with his friends and not just tell me these things. Especially since men don’t usually express feelings like that from my experience. This lasted about 6 months. Which sounds like a long time for a situationship but keep in mind i wasn’t exactly able to see him in person. (Biggest reason on why shouldn’t have ever slid into those dm’s in the first place) He would talk about flying home or helping fly me out to see each other but plane tickets at that time were through the roof like everything else. On top of paying for a hotel and such. So it just wasn’t working out for us. The longer we talked, the stronger our bond was. As strong as it could be anyway. It never died out either and because of that, i didn’t see what was coming next.
One day i realized he didn’t respond for quite awhile and even left me on read. Which I’m not psycho and that stuff usually doesn’t bother me, but something in my gut just felt off. I tried to gaslight myself into believing nothing was wrong despite the fact my gut was telling me otherwise. Three days pass and still nothing. I tried reaching out a couple more times but i also didn’t want to seem obsessive or crazy.
One morning i finally woke up to THE text. Basically the whole “it’s not you, it’s me” spiel. Thinking back on it now, it probably was never going to work then. And he’s actually still stationed out there so it still to this day would not work. I’ve come to terms with that. I understand. But that’s not the issue i have. Was it something i did? Was it something he did but didn’t want to admit? Did he get the ick? Why was it so abrupt? I personally have never gotten closure from it. And that’s probably part of the reason i still have strong feelings. After that day i didn’t speak to him again and he didn’t speak to me. Unadded each other on everything and that was it.
Fast forward to nearing the end of the year. My friend (mentioned earlier) is marrying her soon to be husband. I am a bridesmaid and guess who happens to be a groomsmen. At this point, he has a girlfriend, who is going to be his plus one. (As she should be. Rightfully so.) Keep in mind, him and I never met in person. So this was going to be a first for both of us. Not sure how he reacts in situations like that, but at least he has his girlfriend there as a “distraction” you could say. I only had me and my anxious thoughts. I don’t do well in these scenarios. I thought maybe just seeing him would somehow give me that closure, it did not. And it made everything 10x worse. I’ve never felt more overwhelmed in my life. It was almost embarassing although nobody really knew what was going on because I played it off very well. Originally i was supposed to walk with him, but fortunately that changed. He was still right behind me though so doing the rehearsal over and over was hard. I felt his presence and the tension was thick. His girlfriend wasn’t at the rehearsal, but she was at the wedding. And after i didn’t think it could get any worse, seeing them together absolutely made it worse. (Fortunately the open bar was my best friend that night.) I survived the wedding weekend and i didn’t see him again after that.
I was going through a depression spell. My best friend married into the military and moved to the east coast shortly after the wedding on top of everything else i was feeling and couldn’t stop thinking about. Fast forward a few months and my friend comes back home for a week to visit. Her and i get to talking and i just completely break down. (in the steak n shake parking lot with a garlic steakburger stuffed in my mouth as one does) Now a known fact about me is that i have a very hard time with love. I think about how short life is and i don’t want to waste my time. Every possible “bachelor” i meet, I’m interested in for about a week or two and then totally lose all interest and feelings in the blink of an eye. For a long time i thought there was something wrong with me. I’ve only had one boyfriend and despite being together for a year, something didn’t feel right the whole time but i was new to it all and didn’t think much of it until i was in too deep. I’ve never been able to see myself getting married or having kids or growing old or even just being intimate with most, if not all, of my situation/relationships. And i could see myself really living my best life with him.
I’m telling my friend how i just feel like it’s not over. I don’t know if it was because i didn’t get the closure i needed or what. But i felt like i was seeing signs everywhere that it was not over forever and that he will enter my life again. And she agreed. She too felt the same way. And i know she wasn’t just saying that because it’s what i wanted to hear. She’s not like that. Her saying that made me feel a little less crazy honestly. I just feel some deep connection with this boy even being 1000 miles away.
So from then on through today, i keep seeing signs. I see his name everywhere, I’ve ran into his mom before which was odd. He’s in my dreams. He’s just on my mind 24/7. There are more signs but you know. And it’s SO frustrating really. I wish it would end but i can’t make it stop. And it’s been so long, it’s embarrassing. I don’t bring him up. His name never leaves my lips. No one knows i still feel this way. Not even my best friend anymore because i felt like i was being very annoying about it. I don’t need her thinking I’m crazy. I’m not a homewrecker. I’m going to leave him be and let him and his girlfriend live their happy life. Reaching out feels like the last thing i should do. Mostly embarrassing but also just all around a bad idea.
I’m also not totally trying to hold out for him. I’ve tried being with someone else and it only lasted a month before i realized that being with this guy is totally unfair because i know i still have feelings that i can’t get rid of for someone else. And I’m not going to do that to someone. I’ve had other opportunities come my way and I’ve even gone through a “manic” phase trying to change my whole look and personality to see if becoming a whole new person would help fix me. (It did not. It sent me into a very deep depression actually. Do not recommend) I’m still young. In my early/mid 20s. I get told i have plenty of time to figure it all out. But no one really knows how much time they have left. I try not to think about that but i don’t want to have any regrets when that time comes. And spending my whole life hyper fixating on one person would be a regret.
It all sounds so underwhelming in writing because it’s hard to really fathom my true thoughts in words. Am i crazy for feeling this way? Is there anyone else out there who can relate? Is there a way to fix this? What is wrong with me?!

Over a year ago, I was going through a particularly stressful time and went to my neurologist concerned that I was possibly having Medication Adaption Headaches (MAH aka Medication Overuse Headaches aka Rebound Headaches) or would develop them.
I was having a migraine or headache almost daily. I had been cycling through pain meds to avoid using too much of the same thing and too many triptans mistakenly thinking that this would keep me safe.
My neurologist didn't take any time to discuss why I thought I might be having MAH or what should be done if I was already having them. He did give me the prescription for Aimovig that I asked for, but also a recommendation and prescription for Panadol migraine (same as Excedrin migraine) which I had never taken before. The prescription wasn’t needed to get the Panadol migraine, but it was needed to have it reimbursed by my insurance. I thought because it is OTC in the US (which is where I'm from) that it would be better (again mistakenly) than taking so many triptans.
The aimovig was like putting a bandaid on a gash that needed stitches. I made it another year before I had an absolutely horrible flare-up about 60 days ago that led me to do my own research because my neurologist had failed me horribly and I decided it was most definitely MAH and I needed to detox.
The Detox
I quit taking all pain OTC pain meds and triptans for 60 days (as is recommended in most treatment guides). It took me roughly 9 days to have a noticeable drop in my migraines back to episodic. My migraines have lessened in severity and length over the last 60 days. Though the first week or so was the most challenging to get through, I also had hormonal migraines that were tough. The few other non-hormonal migraines I had later in the 60 days, I was able to clearly identify triggers for. This hadn’t been the case for me in the past. I've also now been able to abort a hormonal migraine with other methods listed here.
Other Options for Pain Relief
(for any meds or supplements always consult your doctor)
Ginger is a great natural painkiller. There is some BS study that says it is as effective as sumatriptan, it most definitely isn't and I'm not going to try to sell it as that, but I would say it is probably as effective as an NSAID. Unfortunately, I’m unable to get GCRP inhibitors where I am so I didn’t have other migraine abortive options, just this.
Benadryl (note: this is the brand name in US & CA, it’s different in Europe) helps me with migraine pain during an attack (sometimes even helps avoid an attack).
A TENS unit was very helpful with migraine pain, but also with cramps during my 60 day detox and I’ll definitely continue using it going forward.
Migraine Cap was especially helpful after the migraine to help with the residual soreness.
Migraine Relief Nasal Inhaler, hot showers, decongestant meds, and decongestant nasal spray* help me because nasal congestion is a major symptom for me. When the congestion is worse, the pain is worse. If I can relieve some congestion, I can also relieve some pain. So I use these as needed depending on the severity of the congestion.
*It is important to note that decongestant nasal sprays can cause rebound congestion if used frequently, follow dosage and warnings on the label.
Myofascial Release & dry needling - this isn’t so much for migraine pain, but it helps me manage back and neck pain that contributes to my migraines and helps me with pain management overall.
The Pain Relief Options That I Wish I Could Have Used or Tried
Balms and patches that you put on your forehead- personally my skin is too sensitive for it, I have tried in the past and it just makes my skin burn (but so does most sunscreen when applied to my face). I’m mentioning these because I think they are a great option for some people and as I was looking through this sub for more ideas of what I could use, they are something that I saw repeatedly that I wish my skin would allow me to use.
Celafy, Nerivio, and Relivion all looked like interesting devices, but sadly aren’t available where I am.
Heated eye massager also looked very appealing and should have been available, but the wrong item was delivered when I tried ordering it and I didn’t feel like trying my luck again. I will definitely get one when I go to the US.
GCRP-inhibitors - these aren’t available where I am so I didn’t have the option to use these as abortives while detoxing from pain meds. I definitely would like the option to be able to use these as abortives for migraines. One study did note they could cause MAH (this is listed below and linked) but there's no good research regarding this as they are so new. I just feel obligated to mention this.
About MAH
I have included links to sources. Please educate yourself with these sources and with your own research. Consult your doctor if you think you might have MAH and advocate for treatment.
1 You have to add up your pain med use!!!
2 OTC Pain Meds+ Triptans + Rx Pain Meds* = 10 Days Maximum Per Month
*Opioids and butalbital may lead to MAH in about 5 days
3 Approximately 50% of patients with chronic migraine have MAH that may revert to episodic headache after drug withdrawal.
Chronic migraine is classified as 15 or more headache days w/ 8 migraine days a month.
Episodic Migraine is classified as 14 or fewer headache and migraine days a month.
4 The name for MAH changed a few times and the one I chose to use is focused on the mechanism that causes the condition rather than the name that sounds like it is blaming the patient (Medication Overuse Headaches). Here’s an article regarding the name dispute.
5 One article even listed GCRP inhibitors as possibly contributing to MAH. But as these medications are new, the research isn't there yet to say if they really do contribute. I just had found it surprising to see and felt obligated to note it.
6 Risk Factors

• Having a primary headache disorder such as migraines.
• Having other chronic pain or gastrointestinal issues.
• Being less physical activity (defined as less than 3 hours of hard physical activity per week)
• Smoking
• Mood disorders
• OCD
• Depression
• Anxiety
• Substance-related disorders
• Cutaneous allodynia 7 (Cutaneous allodynia (CA) is defined as pain resulting from application of a non-noxious stimulus to normal skin)

8 Withdrawal treatment does not only reduce the headache attacks, but also improves responsiveness to acute or prophylactic drugs. Withdrawal symptoms normally last between 2 to 10 days, and do not persist longer than 4 weeks.
Going Forward
I have a number of MAH risk factors including migraines, other chronic pain, anxiety, family history of substance-related disorders, being less physical activity (especially during the time that the stressful situation was happening), and cutaneous allodynia. Had I known about all of these risk factors and that alternating meds would not protect me from MAH, I would have done things very differently. I’ll have to be very careful to not develop MAH again, and actually am thinking of extending my detox because of my risk factors and some concerning statistics regarding allodynia in particular. For now I'm going to try to continue managing my pain with other methods while I can comfortably. Actually just last night I had a hormonal migraine that I managed to abort with a combination of things I listed here that just 2 months ago it would have been at least a level 4 with triptans.
When I do start using pain meds again, I’ll definitely be tracking meds more carefully and adhering to a strict 10 day max per month for OTCs plus triptans. I’ve made an annual tracker that you can print with the maximum days noted for reference.

I have just finished Tessa Harley’s “Late in the Day” and I have a few observations about it but also on the wider “Hampstead Novel” sub genre.
I decided to read this book because I had read a few of Hadley’s short stories and liked them. When I read a review on The Guardian. they adamantly said this wasn’t a Hampstead novel. I’d never heard this term before but they describe it as “a middle-class morality novel – probably involving adultery and shallow-masquerading-as-deep”. Ok I thought.
Cut to me finishing the book and I couldn’t possibly think of a more appropriate label for it. Everyone in it is some sort of artist; a painter, a poet, a writer, a professor, a gallery owner, a sculptor, and a rock star to name a few. That’s fine but these characters are so shallow, morally grotesque and far from any reality I’m aware of it might as well be set on a different planet. To be fair I’m Irish, and maybe it’s a cultural thing, but I did live in England and it still feels far from reality.
As an example; there’s a scene where two of the main characters are sitting in the living room listening to classical music and reading together. I guess my question is, do people actually do this? Do people sit together, reading intellectual novels in lamplit seclusion while classical music plays in the background, it struck me immediately as an intentional attempt at introducing the characters as intellectual. Another example is when one of the characters is frustrated and describes her husband to her friend as “inexorable”, again, what? Who would do that? I know these are just two examples of this intellectual peacocking that goes on throughout the book, but honestly, people slum it here by making a dinner from food they buy at the farmers market.
I left the book feeling a little insulted at the arrogance of it, like the author was trying to convince me that there is a better world out there, that I will never experience, but don’t worry “we” have our own difficulties with love and so on.
Every character in this book is horrendous, they are self obsessed assholes fucking each other with no loyalty to family or friends, but somehow we’re expected to empathise with them? It could be that I’m a working class oik with a chip on my shoulder but are these types of novels in any way realistic?
So anyway, that’s my rant, have you read a “Hampstead novel”? What’s your experience of them?

Welcome back to my running series of WWF PPV Reviews from a ‘blind’ perspective (I have no idea what’s going to happen; the results, the feuds or how good any of the matches will be). I have always heard stories of the attitude era and golden age but never watched it myself so I set myself to watching every single PPV event chronologically. I am also watching Wrestling Bios ‘reliving the war’ series to keep me updated inbetween the events with the feuds, and to get excited about upcoming matches.
Before I review the matches, based on the past few episodes of raw and last PPVs I’ll let you know, going into the event, which match I’m most excited for and which feud I’m most excited to see.
The card tonight isn’t particularly stacked, mid card and opener wise, but it’s gotta be dude love vs stone cold. They had by far the best match last PPV and it will be the same story again tonight guaranteed. Anything involving stone cold will have McMahon involved and that feud is the big draw right now. Feud and match wise that’s my most anticipated match.
WWF Over The Edge 1998 Match Ratings
LOD 2000 vs DOA 1.75/5
Double J vs Steve mofuggin Blackman 1.25/5
Marc Mero vs Sable N/A
Kaientai vs Bradshaw & Taka Michinoku 1.25/5
Farooq vs The Rock 0.75/5
Kane vs Vader 1.75/5
D-Generation X vs The Nation 2.5/5
Dude Love vs Stone Cold Steve Austin 5/5
The absolute nerve of the wwf here to book LOD and DOA two PPVs in a row… to be fair though the crowd actually really seemed into this match. LOD still have a little juice left in the tank but they are truly just openers here. DOA I really don’t enjoy their in ring ability. It was an okay match and really not too much to say here. There was a very big pop when LOD won though.
The Rock cuts a promo next and he’s got his own entrance music, although it’s nowhere near as good as his future theme it’s still great that he’s not got that NOD music anymore, he’s finally his own wrestler. He shit talks the crowd but Farooq comes to the ring to get something damage in early before their match later. Not an amazing promo or anything but it builds some hype for later on although this is thrown up in the air as rock is injured from a pile driver on top of a chair. I suppose this is to make rock over as a champion?
Austin cuts a promo and says “mr McMahons ass belongs to me”… okay Steve if you say so.
Double J is brought to the ring by Tennessee Lee with some crazy visuals behind him as he does his strut in the ring but there’s just no crowd reaction apart from a few boos which made me laugh. Steve mofuggin Blackman then makes his way to the ring and double J doesn’t know what he’s in for.
The crowd seemed to be more entertained by the Al Snow silliness on the outside of the ring and you can’t blame them, this match was very very slow. The interference from Tennessee Lee was kinda interesting but there weren’t really many good looking moves, one of Blackmans kicks looked good in the middle of the match though. Another just below average okay match.
Next we get to see who sable has picked to represent her for the match and she makes her way to the ring but gah dayam she looks great tonight. Let’s see if she can get herself out of this toxic relationship… by fighting Mero herself? Mero then pretends to care about sable and lets her pin him… but then the switcheroo and what a scumbag! He gets the pin on sable and sings her out of the stadium. I feel like they should’ve done a little more with this match… or at least the post match angle.
The next match is apparently a “bonus match”? What does that even mean… I know what it means they didn’t have the roster right now for a full ppv so they booked this match in the middle as filler. But to be fair I have really enjoyed the light heavyweight Japanese wrestling recently so let’s see what they can do.
I actually enjoyed seeing Bradshaw just demolish multiple people half his size and taka did well but something about this match I really didn’t enjoy. It didn’t really flow well it felt random there was no story the crowd wasn’t into it… just not really a great viewing experience. Bradshaw was out over kinda here as he demolished the opponents but his team still lost…? I don’t know. But this first half of the ppv has really not been good.
Farooq comes to the ring and the rocks music plays multiple times before sgt slaughter comes to the ring to tell us that the rock has to compete or he will be stripped of the belt. There’s a countdown and rock just about beats the count making his way to the ring with a brace around his neck. If this does anything it only puts the rock over even as a heel, proving he has the heart of a champion, whereas I’m pretty sure they did this to make you enjoy seeing the heel struggling. But this is the wrong way round… Farooq is baby face in this situation but he’s done the heel move and Rocky has done the baby face move. Confusing by the wwf as you route for Rocky in this situation.
Farooq starts off demolishing the rock on the outside but eventually rock makes a comeback and delivers the peoples elbow. Farooq to be fair to him has improved his in ring ability and he’s actually able to have a coherent 1v1 match now. I have no idea what happened in the middle of the match but there was a false 3 count or something? I don’t know what they were going for there but it came off very badly and just looked weird. The rock wins and gets a pop but Farooq once again is playing heel as he assaults Rocky with two piledrivers after the bell. This was just a bad match… the angle was weird the match was bad the roles were reversed I don’t know what the wwf was thinking with this one.
DX comes to the ring after the match ends to help Farooq out to a big pop and they’re clearly the biggest group in the wwf now.
We’ve got Kane vs Vader next and last time these two wrestled I really enjoyed their chemistry so I hope they can pull something good off here, this PPV really needs it as honestly it’s just been bad so far… really bad.
I don’t know what to think of this match. It was average but the slug fest was good in the middle of the match a couple of times, and vaders moonsault looked good even though it missed. The stipulation for the unmasking was an okay gimmick but since Kane won and Vader had to unmask… which we’ve seen multiple times before so it was a little pointless.
Oh man this ppv is REALLY bad so far I just don’t even have the motivation to properly dissect these matches. Vader was looking pretty slow, Kane wasn’t performing that’s well it just wasn’t that great and the crowd had no pops during the whole bout.
The whole next section was so weird… the king literally takes a hall of famers leg off and gets assaulted by a literal like 80 year old? I don’t know what on earth this was all about. I looked it up and apparently Vince was telling Lawler to do this but it just came off as mean spirited and cringe. Please DX, please do something fun and save this event.
DX is very over with the crowd as they do a little showboating and talk to the people in attendance which was good before the match. The nation then walk out to the rocks music for whatever reason.
The crowd was pretty disinterested, chanting boring at points in this match and you can’t blame them it’s been a very slow night with not a lot to get hyped about. This PPV has really shown how thin the roster can feel. We’ve had Edge promo videos recently so I’m very excited for him to come in and mix up the matches in the mid card.
I thought the match was well worked though it just dragged on a little bit too long. I thought Owen hart and Hunter looked great and it made it interesting when they were at each others throats in the match because of their feud continually going on. Road dog actually impressed me as well he took some great hits and looked clean in the ring. I really don’t enjoy The Nations reliance on rest holds, they always do it and in a 6 man tag team match during a ppv semi main event they just shouldn’t do it; tag in someone else and mix it up. The crowd did have one pop for the spiked piledrivers on top of the belt. But when the nation won the crowd absolutely went mild. They did okay and it was better than anything else we’ve seen tonight but that’s not really saying much.
If this main event doesn’t hit then this PPV I will class as an absolute STINKER!! It has to hit, with all the heat between McMahon and Austin at the moment it just has to be interesting at the very least.
I didn’t realise that pat jerry and McMahon were all involved as officials for this match all playing roles to screw over Austin. The odds are completely stacked against Austin. We get a brilliant promo video really hyping up this main event and okay I’m back alive now I have faith that this match will save the event from being a failure. I will note though they seriously need to improve the mid card matches.
It was a great idea to have the ring announcers read from cards, it portrays that they’re just bigging themselves up to levels they don’t deserve, a great small detail to put themselves over as the heel “team”. They all get a huge round of boos as they are announced and brought to the ring, I can’t wait for the Austin pop. People REALLY don’t like Vince here as he’s got drinks and trash being thrown at him in the ring. Dude love is up next as the corporate version of his character, and I think it’s a combo that works really well. THIS IS GREAT WWF MORE OF THIS!! I applaud them for stretching this out as long as possible this is the right type of hype and buildup that works well. The ring announcer pat did a great job introducing everyone to the ring and refusing to introduce stone cold. The glass shatters and the crowd loses it, everyone is ready for Austin to open a can of whoop ass on all these fools, and I’m excited for the first time during this ppv. ALL OF A SUDDEN UNDERTAKERS MUSIC PLAYS AND YES! YES YES! I’m so glad he’s involved in this ppv in some way I had no clue he was going to be here. He will act as a “protector of the peace” kind of character here and make sure no shenanigans goes down. Great work. Would’ve liked to see him actually wrestle though 😒.
The match is underway and after Vince breaks Austin off foley he flips McMahon off for a MASSIVE pop from the audience. They continue to wrestle and it’s just getting going when the crowd chants “Vince is gay”, brilliant. Austin then takes foleys teeth out and stamps on them, complete disrespect. Austin takes a great looking bump on the steel steps as they both make their way to the outside of the ring as undertaker looks on. Just him being there improves the match even more. Austin takes another hard bump from an Irish whip to the corner and foley is in control during the early goings of this match. The crowd is thunderous right now having the JR and Lawler needing to shout to be heard.
Austin is thrown over the Spanish commentator table (this always makes me laugh as it’s ALWAYS them that people get thrown into) and it’s announced that this is a NO DQ match. Just brilliant stuff. Austin gets back in control though just demolishing foley by throwing him into the timekeepers area, over the barrier and he plays to the crowd in the middle of the audience, this was an amazing visual. It’s so impressive how Austin can have these matches even with his neck injury and knee troubles that he’s had. It’s then announced that falls count anywhere and there’s just less and less regulation as we go on, this could get really chaotic and I’m all here for it!
Austin is thrown on top of a car hood and foleys laying in some damage but Austin hot shots foley into another car. They’re making use of the creative set getting on top of one of the cars but foley throws Austin face first across another of the cars. Foley sunset flips off a car to a close 2 and a half kick out. This back and forth is f***ing brilliant.
Austin’s been busted open as foley assaults him with a metal pipe but Austin comes back with a flurry of right hands. But foley once again counters hitting him with two suplexes on the concrete floor but still Austin manages to kick out. Foley goes to drop an elbow from the top of a car but Austin rolls out of the way. McMahon slow counts but foley kicks out and Vince is intimidated by undertaker watching on closely. They make their way back to the ring and foley has exposed the turnbuckle after brisco trips Austin up and foley gets a chance to lay in some damage again. Foley hits Austin with a clean looking running knee and throws him into the exposed turnbuckle again, to which foley locks in a chin hold and we get a shot reminiscent of WM13 with hart and Austin. Patterson hands foley a chair and he hits Austin with a massive shot to the back, and a DDT on top of the chair but Austin continues to kick out.
The crowd is electric for this match as Austin counters with a kick to the face while foley holds a chair up, Austin then hits the chair on the ropes hitting himself in the face which was really funny. Foley hits McMahon with a chair, Austin hits a stunner, another ref comes down, brisco drags him out, undertaker drags brisco out, he hits him with a choke slam, he hits Patterson with a choke slam, Austin with another stunner and Austin uses McMahons arm to count himself and retain the title.
I couldn’t even keep up with the ending to that match that was pure insanity! It’s a car wreck in and out of the ring as the undertaker and Austin share a respectful look at each other and Austin celebrates in the ring after overcoming the odds. The crowd absolutely loved that match and so did I. By far match of the night, BY FAR. They absolutely knocked it out of the park, pure entertainment from bell to bell including before the match even started with Patterson and brisco. This also sets up some other potential matches in the wwf off this main event as I’m assuming dude love won’t get another chance at the title. A fantastic main event that exceeded expectations for me.
Overall this event is not worth watching at all, except for the main event. The main event seriously saved this ppv from being a complete failure, the crowd were bored and disinterested and even booed and chanted boring during the semi main event. Skip absolutely everything and just watch the main event because it was really good. This should be a message to the wwf that the mid card is really lacking any proper star power and I’m assuming at some point this year they will bolster their roster to improve this.
Irrespective of the main event I can’t give this ppv over 2 as the mid card was so unbelievably weak.
Overall rating 2/5

Starting with a random sgiwhistleblowers post and scrolling up to today, let’s see how many untruths, deceptive semantic mental gymnastics and other common traits of the sub we can find.
They post: “There is pressure on people to turn every negative into a positive…” And that must be bad.
Hold it right there! The purpose of the SGI is each person’s happiness leading to a shift in the general communal atmosphere. In other words, learning to turn negatives into fuel for positive development. So complaining about that is like asking a tutor to help with math, and when he says “Okay, let’s open out books”, you say “Why are you pressuring me to learn math?” It isn’t “pressure” to turn your negative circumstance into something beneficial – it’s why you’re here.
The same post continues: “… but we should be allowed to say ‘I went through something really strange and awful, and it has altered me forever’.”
Huh? Whose permission do you need to say that? You are certainly “allowed”. You are certainly free to practice whatever religion it is that doesn’t believe you can change. “Altered” can mean a lot of things, though. It could mean “I will never trust anyone” or something pessimistic like that. And there are all kinds of examples – St,. Paul, Dante, Josei Tida, Nelson Mandela – who experienced something that altered them forever in very positive and beneficial ways. Countless SGI members too, and other regular folks: “Experiencing that abuse made me determined to help others going through the same thing”. That sort of thing.
Then there’s a post quoting someone who was the victim of quite violent domestic abuse, and trying to apply it to former SGI members. Pathetic. (This happens a lot at sgiwhistleblowers – something negative about something else entirely, but because it’s negative, the SGI “must” be guilty of it too. Lety’s pretend it is, okay!
Next, the esteemed great guru of sgiwhistleblowers uses a sock puppet name that sexualizes young girls. Pretty typical – she and her disciples once were laughing about making Nazi dominatrix dolls out of young women in the SGI. Her post, by the way, shows that she goes to a lot of trouble to enhance statements she makes up out of thin air (e.g., SGI members are “helpless people” – do YOU feel “helpless”? Me either).
Scrolling up, and sandwiched between a few sock puppet efforts to be clever by making up quotes by Sensei, we find a meme talking about how victims of trauma often suffer additionally be not being believed.
Couldn’t agree more. And I wonder how the dynamic works when the trauma is self inflicted: someone tells you to do something and you don’t exercise your freedom to say “no”; the situation you fond yourself in doesn’t match your preconceived notions of what it ought to9 be – circumstances like that. I don’t have an answer.
A word about those made up quotes: SGIWhistleblowers pretend they are a “support” group for ex SGI members who feel (in some cases) traumatized. Puerile reminders of their past experience are not coping mechanisms – they are expressions of hatred, merant to prolong the association by encouraging that hatred. That is what SGIWhistleblowers really is – an effort tog et people to hate. Not “recover” – hate.
Next up – another typical sgiwhistleblowers Chief Priest deception. She often fins articles that have absolutely nothing to do with the SGII, but because they discuss bad behavior by someone, she tries to fool people into thinking is about the SGI. It’s another example of the absurdities hate leads one into doing.
Then, in another post, she does it again.
Pathetic.
I left one post out (for now).

o, I’m 38 weeks tomorrow. My baby is breech and she is weighing 2 weeks ahead of her due date. She’s about 8.15 pounds. I been telling my drs the last 3 weeks that my ribs are killing me and sometimes I feel her head sticking out. I have bad pelvic pain too and all they tell me it’s normal. They still haven’t changed by due date with her weighing that far ahead. I’m getting a c-section due around 39 weeks but they don’t even have a date for me yet. They keep making me wait and I’m in pain. Even my boyfriend is like what’s going on. Why are they making you wait. I have friends who were due after me having their babies already and they weigh way smaller than mine. I’m just stressed and uncomfortable which is affecting my depression too.

So, I’m 38 weeks tomorrow. My baby is breech and she is weighing 2 weeks ahead of her due date. She’s about 8.15 pounds. I been telling my drs the last 3 weeks that my ribs are killing me and sometimes I feel her head sticking out. I have bad pelvic pain too and all they tell me it’s normal. They still haven’t changed by due date with her weighing that far ahead. I’m getting a c-section due around 39 weeks but they don’t even have a date for me yet. They keep making me wait and I’m in pain. Even my boyfriend is like what’s going on. Why are they making you wait. I have friends who were due after me having their babies already and they weigh way smaller than mine. I’m just stressed and uncomfortable which is affecting my depression too.

this is going to be a long post about what happened during our pinning/graduation ceremony. this might come off as OA but we just really wanted to feel beautiful on our big day :( there’s a summary of our complaints if u scroll down too hahaha
EVENT: nursing pinning (8:30 AM) and graduation (2:00 PM) (same day)
PRICE: ₱3000 each for 7 heads (initial agreement was ₱2500 before i mentioned the change hair and retouch for graduation)
INCLUSIONS: hair (low bun only) and make up for pinning, change hair (for toga cap) and retouch for graduation
(i will be using the pronouns they/theithem)
WHAT WE EXPECTED: we booked the main “PROFESSIONAL” MUA who had a big following and is famous in Cebu because we liked the make up style that was on their instagram page + the price fit our budget — so we expected main MUA to do the make up on all of us (station2 nga system) kay siya man among gi book, dili ang usa ka MUA na gidala niya nga completely different make up style.
WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED: the 2 MUAS (main and extra) did our make up separately. they had completely different styles. NO SKIN PREP except the evian that they sprayed and wiped off with tissue. i was one of the girls who had my makeup done with the extra MUA. i was not happy with my makeup. they used high end make up, with luxury brands like dior, fenty, bobbi brown, and mac. but it did not look nor feel expensive at all. YELLOW KAY AMONG NAWNG.
WHY DIDNT YOU TELL THE MUA? the energy in the room was not giving. it didn’t feel like a safe space for us to voice out how we felt about our make up. MURA MIG WALAY RIGHT MO SULTI SA AMONG NA FEEL KAY MALDITA KAAYO SILA. KONTRA GUSTO KAAYO. the vibes were super negative — they were lowkey arguing/telling each other off nga dili mag tapol2, magpa dungog2 na “siyay ni buhat sa tanan”, right in front of us.
TLDR
LATE - we agreed for them to ARRIVE at 5AM, but they messaged at 4:54 AM saying theyre otw and ARRIVED AT 5:30+AM
HUGAWAN - after they left, we saw so much USED tissues, disposable lipstick applicators, etc ON THE FLOOR when there were 2 trash cans - hugaw ang brushes. they obviously do not clean/use different sets for each client. - WALA NANG FLUSH SA CR. kusog ra gyud ang tubig. PUNO ANG BOWL UG IHI when my friend came back to the room after pinning.
UNPROFESSIONAL - they kept arguing/telling each other off in front of us - days before the event, I asked main MUA how many people are part of the team so we can project our expenses on food and etc. main MUA said 4. on the day, 2 did our make up, 2 did our hair. however, there was 1 more person who was just lounging around. lain sad kaayo ug dili namo palitan ug pagkaon ang usa. - NAG SIGE UG PADUNGOG2 NGA NAG DALI SILA. when almost everyone were “retouched” na for grad, nag unhanay sila ug naog para ma klaro nga nag dali sila. sigeg padungog2: “asa naman tong usa?” “pila nalay wala?” “aw napa juy usa wa ma retouch? asa naman?”
TAPOLAN - giingnan amo miga (after pinning) na "fresh paman ka dai, di nalang sa ka hilabtan" - we paid extra for retouch sa make up and for them to fix our hair. DRY KAAYO AMONG BUHOK. mura mig ga DIY ug kulot. kung inato raman diay ang hair maypa wa nalang mi nagpa retouch. - wala mi tabangi ug pwesto sa among graduation cap. we had to put it on ourselves because they were RUSHING TO LEAVE WHEN IT WAS ONLY 12:30 PM. gaslighted us, saying “inani lng ni ha, naa bitay cap”
NAWAGTANG AMONG BOX OF HAIR PINS - it was very cheap, 80 pesos for a box. we don’t care about how much we paid. BUT THE MERE FACT THAT THEY BROUGHT IT WITH THEM??????
i never want others to experience this especially on such an important event. may nalang nadala ra sa natural nga kagwapa haha

Hey. New here. Divorced for over 4 years. Have joint custody/ split time with the mom. My boy is 8 , my girl is 7. We’ve been separated for close to 6 years.
For context purposes. I have no desire to rekindle our marriage at all. As a matter of fact , watching her sabotage relationship after relationship since our split has been validating of anything.
When the kids are with me she does not call them or text. When my daughter calls or texts her she doesn’t respond. And doesn’t call back. It makes my daughter feel unwanted it seems. It gets worse when she has a new boyfriend. What’s worse, when the kids are with her , they’re always at her boyfriend’s house. For comic relief I will share he’s a chiropractor who lives with his mom. Not her to judge that , I just find it odd. My daughter tells me they are always “cuddling “ in bed and that the mom will yell at her to “ go away “
I don’t know if neglect is the word I want to use , but it does seem she makes the kids to feel second fiddle to whoever she’s dating at that time.
I don’t know what to say to my kids. I want to say , sorry guys your mom is a selfish person with narcissistic tendencies. I won’t call her one I’m not qualified to place labels but all the signs are there. How do I make my kids feel loved and important ? They’re such lovely and well behaved children. I can and do take them everywhere with me and always enjoy their company. Awesome little kids. But how do I help them to see that they are loved and they are important even if they aren’t being treated as such.
Thanks guys. Just looking for some guidance here. It’s had watching them struggle and ask why their mom won’t communicate with them