Birthday poems about turning 13

Gonna turn 25, soon, no real friends or family that really care about me. Birthday is in July. Good bye.

When I was 17 I was dating a girl that had been my friend since I was like 7 so for about 10 years. I dated her for about 6 months before all this sh*t shows crap went down it was at her 17th birthday party when her friend introduced herself to me as her gf … I was upset obviously and I asked her what that was about and instead of answering she just mumbled over words neither of us could understand. Turns out she wasn’t the only person she was cheating with she also cheated with 3 guys and 2 other girls one of which was her 2nd cousin… While I was sitting upset in the living room her brother who I hadn’t met and was 23 at this point asked me if I was okay and we just chatted most of the night. When I turned 18 literally the same day I started trying to date him. It worked and I married him at 19. We’ve been married 11 years best worst ex ever! Only because I met her brother 😂

 The next April, at Shiloh, Clem's drum was smashed by an artillery round and he became a minor news item as "Johnny Shiloh, The Smallest Drummer". A year later, at the Battle Of Chickamauga, he rode an artillery caisson to the front and wielded a musket trimmed to his size. In one of the Union retreats a Confederate officer ran after the cannon Clem rode with, and yelled, "Surrender you damned little Yankee!" Johnny shot him dead. This pluck won for Clem national attention and the name "Drummer Boy of Chickamauga." Clem stayed with the Army through the war, served as a courier, and was wounded twice. Between Shiloh and Chickamauga he was regularly enrolled in the service, began receiving his own pay, and was soon-after promoted to the rank of Sergeant. He was only 12 years old. After the Civil War he tried to enter West Point but was turned down because of his slim education. A personal appeal to President Ulysses S. Grant, his commanding general at Shiloh, won him a 2nd Lieutenant's appointment in the Regular Army on 18 December 1871, and in 1903 he attained the rank of Colonel and served as Assistant Quartermaster General. He retired from the Army as a Major General in 1916, having served an astounding 55 years. General Clem died in San Antonio, Texas on 13 May 1937, exactly 3 months shy of his 86th birthday, and is buried at Arlington National Cemetery. 

I (transdude but not opposed to being called nonbinary 21) want to know if anybody here who’s been on T for a while and/or had procedures done, have had any actual regrets about taking those steps?
My parents keep bringing up detransitioning and I’m getting really tired of constantly having to repeat that yeah I’m STILL trans nothings changed since when I first came out, to them, when I was idk 13/14 🙄 (some more context: I was on T for a year then stopped cuz of my finances) I’m completely aware that when I’m idk 35 I might be like damn I wish I hadn’t done this but as I exist now, this is what’s best for me. I’ve read through posts on actual_detrans and while some of the posts resonate. They always tend to lose me cuz I just don’t feel that way. I don’t have a bad relationship with femininity, I just see myself as a fem guy, maybe not even that I really just wanna be like a sparkly ball of slime. I don’t feel as though I struggle with internalized misogyny, and if I did I already dealt with that arc and that’s why I’m okay with doing “fem” things. (I might be autistic so I never really grasped the concept of defining things as masc or fem ex. pink isn’t “for girls” it’s just pink. It’s a color 🤷🏽‍♂️)
I don’t feel like a woman trapped by misogyny, forced to transition cuz I’m not taken seriously. I’ve never really had any issues of misogyny (probably cuz I live in a very white area and I’m black so any dudes who would’ve been creepy to me, weren’t cuz ew a clearly queeneurodivergent in some way black “girl” lol)
I don’t find joy in the idea of being seen as a masculine woman, I want people to look at me and be identified as a male. I just also like being fashionable (god forbid a man is a lil dandy 🙄) I guess if I had to chose an example of they type of man I wanna be I’d pick Klaus from the umbrella academy. I know Klaus is nonbinary but he still he’s a good pick as a fellow he/they pan lol. You could look at him and be like yeah that’s a MAN but there’s an androgyny (to me) abt him that fits me? Idk I just feel best when I feel like a fruity lil guy, and that’s how I see myself.
When I was on T the changes I saw made me actually feel hot for once and I could actually accept that people could find me attractive cuz I finally did! I was happy abt my tdick and all the other changes, some stuff made me feel weird like weight redistribution but then I realized I was just feeling insecure due to societal norms and the feeling went away.
Anytime I have thought of detransitioning it’s been to get my folks to leave me alone abt it or because I felt that; well because I’ll never feel cis or that I could never love a man the way a cis man does with all the gore and guts that comes with it, yknow like, as it stands I will always be comfortable holding hands with a guy in public. My first thought would never be “I’m not allowed to do this”. So what’s the point of transitioning or idk I feel like I’m missing out on a “gay guy experience” according to me. I want the experience of realizing oh fuck I’m gay and the gay panic of being in a locker room. Shows like heartstopper make me jealous yknow?
But for me the way I see it and feel abt it personally I’m just a new invention, a new type of man. Not better or worse, just new. lol maybe that’s why I like Mr. Roboto by Styx so much. So I’m learning to cope with those feelings so it doesn’t feel like I’ll regret this, I know realistically there is someone out there who could see me for me and like it. It’s just hard right now.
This turned into a vent I guess oops, sorry for the format as well, I’m on mobile :p

Fact 11: there is never a tortoise character being in the Mallrooms Series. Even if there is one.
Fact 12: Froser’s Uber Equivalent is “Frūbör”.
Fact 13: Cats are Pouli’s Favorite Animal.
Fact 14: When Funosaurus was born as a newborn. He was attached to birthday accessories and that’s how he got those in his adult form! Guardians have newborn stages!
Fact 15: Mallrooms has various areas. Supermarkets. Waterparks. Arcade. More!
Fact 16: there are still more bootlegs out there. Such as Dunny Ghost. Taughet the Police Frog. Klorabel Bull and more.
Fact 17: Guardians were made to Protect Children, And Spugna will give them Warning about the dangers of the Deranged Guardians that gave them no mercy.
Fact 18: there are probably 4.000004e+160 of the bootlegs while we have 70 of them seen in the footages.
Fact 19: the bootlegs where the ones they forgot about the correlation of their originality.
Fact 20: The Rolling Giants (AKA The Mall Runners) are the ones to consume the souls of the dying.

Hey Reddit, I’m fairly new at this and will probably be having to make edits and updates along the way so please bear with me. Also the timeline may be a bit confusing so if there are any questions or confusions just say so and I’ll clear it up the best I can.
My dad (49) and I (19f) currently have a very strained relationship. We rarely speak to other besides greetings when he’s home and when he calls my mom on the road (he’s a truck driver). I should start by saying that growing up I was probably the biggest daddy’s girl you could know. It was when I was around 11-12 he became less active and seemed uninterested in anything i did if it wasn’t about grades in school. In February of this year he came out and told my brother (16 at the time) and I that he had cheated on our mom and the woman ended up pregnant. The cheating in question happens on a trip he took back to his native country for his birthday. I put the time line together after he let us know that the unborn child had actually been born. He turned 2 this past April, 2 weeks before my other brother turned 17. When he finished my brother and I both in shock said we weren’t mad, just EXTREMELY disappointed, and would need time to process what he told us and then we’d have another talk.
We are now in May and he hasn’t breathed a word of anything regarding the situation since the day he told us. He walks around and acts like everything is normal and tries to make “jokes” in passive aggressive statements. I don’t know if i’m crazy but I just don’t feel like he has the right to do that, because he’s the one who messed up. Like sir, there is no more normal you brought a whole new person here. My mom is considering divorce, but he swears he’ll never do it again and he thinks “they can make it work”. Let it be known for the record, this was not the first time cheated, it’s more like this is how he broke his promise to never cheat again.
TRIGGER WARNING small mention of SA in this paragraph
Honestly the whole situation is really fucked up but it made me take a step back and truly analyze the relationship i had with him as a whole, and although we lived together (because he’s only been truck driving for 2 years) I don’t feel like he was really a father to me like he should’ve. I was always involved in school extracurriculars and constantly had something going on. In my whole conscious life i can count on one hand how many he showed up for anything i had. And it wasn’t because he couldn’t, he simply didn’t want to and never made an effort to. My mom however would take days off and came to who knows how many and she really played both roles for me. 2 years ago I also had to get therapy for SA and trauma, and i didn’t realize it until speaking about it with my mom a few weeks ago that he never once asked me if I was okay while dealing that (and I was not). I tried to speak to him and have conversations, but with me he’s only ever able to talk about how i need to “do better in school” or how i need to “quit my job and focus on school full time” to which i said no.
After that I ended up telling my mom that I’ll pass on speaking to him about anything other then what we need to talk about and figure out. She’s positive our relationship will be fine but it’s teetering the verge of me choosing go no contact, because I couldn’t imagine having that man walking me down the aisle at my wedding. Thinking way ahead yes, but he never wants to bring up the topic, if you do he gets mad. He can never take critique, you can never not agree with him, and even when he’s dead wrong he still gets angry and blames it on others. All my life we have had to, quoting my mom, ”get over it”.
Quite frankly, I could go on for pages of little and big things he’s done and hasn’t done, but i’m just tired of putting up with it and told my mom if he continues he wouldn’t have a daughter much longer, i’ve been thinking about this a lot more recently as he is on his week off at home.
Any and all advice is welcomed but i also want to know would i be the asshole?

**Reddit*\*: u/PentoshiPride
**Discord Name*\*: GreyOrith
**Name and House:** Jeanette (Nettie) Royce
**Age:** 19
**Cultural Group:** Andal (Valemen)
**Appearance:** Boney, wiry features for such a young age, light brown hair that’s always pulled back into a thick braid. She has sun-kissed skin, with dark grey eyes, and a sturdy, athletic build, carrying her strength in her arms and back from years of pulling bowstrings.
**Trait:** Agility
**Skill(s):** Bows(e), Ranger(e), Marksman
**Talent(s):** Fletching, herbalism, hawking
**Negative Trait(s):** N/A
**Starting Title(s):** Cavalier
**Starting Location:** Greyhelm
**Alternative Characters*\*: Beatrice Massey

AC
**Name and House:** Carolei Royce
**Age:** 42
**Cultural Group:** Andal (Valemen)
**Appearance:** Carolei has sharp, angular features, and keeps her dirty blonde hair, which is just starting to grey, pulled back tightly in a bun. She has watchful grey eyes, a strong chin, and rigid posture.
**Trait:** Strong
**Skill(s):** Polearms, Andal Knight, Riding
**Talent(s):** Cooking, tracking, mountain-climbing
**Negative Trait(s):** N/A
**Starting Title(s):** Captain of the Cavaliers
**Starting Location:** Greyhelm


Carolei Royce had only been 16 years old when the Conquest came to the Vale, and would never forget seeing Vhagar fly above Runestone after the battle and the fear, power, and awe the dragon invoked. She had trained as a warrior since that day, taking up a spear and shield and fighting astride her horse—a poor replacement for a dragon.
As she grew older, she began to travel the lands of the Vale as a wandering warrior, attempting to exemplify the traits of a true knight even though knighthood was out of reach for her. In 6AC, she travelled to the Misty Moor to drive back the Mountain Clan the Sons of the Tree. It was there that she met Creighton Corbray, the two having a romantic tryst. However, he was not the only one she had been with in that time, making the identity of the child’s father a mystery to her—not that she would ever tell.
It was later that she discovered she was with child, and begged him to marry her to preserve both of their honour and have the child not be a bastard. He agreed, and it was a private, quick ceremony. But their matrimony would not last for long—before the child was even born, Creighton would be killed in a raid by a group of Clansman while the two returned to Runestone.
Though she remained in the place of her birth, her nephew now the Lord of Runestone, she was left mostly to raise her child by herself away from the castle in a cottage. She had wanted to continue her training as a warrior and continuing to help people, but with the pregnancy and her young daughter, it put her life on hold.
So it wouldn’t be until Nettie had turned 7, in 13AC where Carolei felt she could continue. She would start recruiting all young women around the Vale who sought to fight with blades and shields, to join her knightly order—the Cavaliers. She rode from castle to castle, gaining those by her side and riding together to assist the needy and protect the helpless.
Travelling for some time, they would stop one day near the Gates of the Moon, as Carolei sought to petition recognition as a knightly order, and recruit possible funding from the Eyrie. During their waylay, the Painted Dogs grew bold and sought to test their luck against the ancient castle. The Cavaliers fought them back, defending the castle and protecting those within, allowing none to pass through the Gates. After this, the Cavaliers were granted the Gates of the Moon to defend and rest and recruit from.
She would train young warriors and assist them in their growth to be knights, as well as travel around several tourneys and placing well. She would raise Nettie at the Gates of the Moon, and never remarried.


Carolei often joked of her as the replacement of their real child, by a Grumpkin that came in the night and stole her original child away from the crib and left a strange one behind. Nettie didn’t speak for the first few years of her life, and walked with a strange gait, always on her toes. The milestones that the Maesters predict for children came to her much later than others. She was known to be a shy child, hiding behind her mother’s skirts.
Nettie would find her first love out exploring the woods and forests and fields, where she would stay long past dark, terrifying her mother. She would come back with muddy clothes and a bundle of things she had found to scatter around her home.
She took to archery from as soon as she was old enough to hold a bow. Though it started as a way to keep her occupied and for her guardians to keep her in one place, it turned quickly from practicing shooting to leaving home to hunt and hawk. She had a keen eye for marksmanship, and it was the only thing she ever wished to speak about.
As she continued to grow, it was soon she was leading small hunting parties of her own and searching for fowl and game to take down, never for trophies or sport, but to bring home to cook and share at the Gates of the Moon.

Timeline

16 BC – Carolei is born
0 AC – Carolei witnesses the Conquest as the Vale bends the knee, she begins training as a warrior after this
2 AC – Carolei leaves home, to the anger of her parents, to be a wandering hedge knight
6 AC – Carolei fights the Sons of the Tree. She has several romantic encounters within a short period of time. When she realizes she is with child, she begs Creighton Corbray to marry her to preserve her and her child’s honour. He dies before the child is born and she moves away to a small cottage on Runestone lands to raise her child
13 AC – With Nettie old enough, Carolei begins recruiting for her own Knightly Order, and campaigning for women to be granted Knighthood, named the Cavaliers
17 AC – The Cavaliers would travel and recruit for many years and would fortunately be at the Gates of the Moon when the Painted Dogs attack. For reward of driving them back, they were granted the Gates as their base, and to defend it from similar threats
18 AC – Nettie begins training with her bow
20 AC – Carolei and Nettie and the Cavaliers travel to many different tourneys to compete
23 AC – During a mission, Carolei recovers a long-lost artifact—the Gauntlets of the Winged Knight
Archetype NPCs
Ryella Coldwater – Castellan
Maggy Shett – General

I [F23] moved away from home to different country (australia )since i was a teenager, now i’m married with a toddler.
I was born and raised in Vietnam. I didn’t have the worst childhood, It was bad but not the worst, I was actually spoiled they gave me everything i wanted but from my memory i spent half of my childhood with a nanny. My parents would go out drinking with friends, benders, .. i would wake up upset next to my nanny knowing my parents didn’t come home the night before. When i was in pre school i had a competition out of town , when it was over i remember walking to the front to look for my parents and none of them were there while the other kids were getting picked up, i stood there alone for a good 10 minutes and my teacher offered to take me home and 10 minutes later they showed up, turned out they were drinking with friends somewhere , i had to come with them and they made me sit at a separate table to wait. As a kid it felt terrible. All of my birthday parties were theirs , they would drink with friends till off their head and it was never about me. Travelling, i loved travelling, but yes of course they would also be off their head every time we traveled, and guess where i had to be? either at a separate table or in a hotel room alone. I spent most of the time staying in so i never got so see or experience and anything. Looking back it hurts my heart so much because i would never do that to my kids . Years later there was one time when i was in primary my mum forgot to pick me up from school and i had to walk home.. she was drunk and there was no apology whatsoever. When i was in year6 ( 12 years old) i was locked outside until 12am because my parents were drinking somewhere, I called them multiple times but they didn’t care so i had to ride my bike to their drinking spot, i was so angry that i threw my bike on the side of the road and my dad slapped me in the face twice in front of their friends for ‘embarrassing’ them, he then took me home and grabbed me by my hair and continued to beat me up. I don’t think i remember the exact amount of time they abused and neglected me when they were drunk
Now i have my own family in a different country, I don’t see them as often anymore but we still have a good relationship. They wanted to visit us and I tidied up the place for them, planned the week as i wanted to show them around ( they’ve never been here before) I was very excited because i missed them . On their first day here i took them out for lunch, when my family and I showed up there was 2 of their friends (who are also Vietnamese but live in Australia) sitting at the table, so there wasn’t room for us we had to sit at a separate one. Family lunch was ruined as i expected it to be bonding time between us. My parents then decided to leave with them to go out drinking. Like on your first day here? Seriously? My toddler was so sad because she really wanted to spend with her grandparents and they knew that but they didn’t care, they wanted to prioritise drinking with friends first. I had a go at them saying that they were selfish , inconsiderate and unappreciative, and that they should’ve not put their friends first over family since we see each other once every couple years!! All of a sudden it felt like i was my younger self once again getting neglected, resenting my parents. They then got angry at me wanting to book a flight home because ‘ they don’t enjoy it here’ . I haven’t spoken to them since and apparently they’re actually leaving tomorrow. I don’t think i was wrong for being upset with the fact that they chose their friends on their first day here? Thoughts?

I'm applying for the discover student it card and have been rejected twice, probably because of my expenses for when I'll be living in college and not have enough income. These were both a little over a week ago on my birthday. However, I know people who have just put 0 for expenses and they get approved. I would want to try this to get my card already but my mom says applying and repeatedly getting denied hurts my score, even though I don't have a card. It's been about 10 days since I've been denied, should I apply again with a 0 for expenses to get the card or is this a bad idea? Would this hurt my score even though I have no credit history and just turned 18?

So for a bit of context me (13 M) and Sally (not real name) 12 F have been dating for a little under a month and we're doing very well in our relationship and it was nice and all a few rough patches here and there but nothing too serious now onto the story: I was sitting around and doing my usual things after a while I get a text from Sally (paraphrased to the best of my ability) Sally:heyy Me:heyy gurl Sally:what (1 minute later) who was that Me:me Sally:are you 💅 Me: maybe Sally:wtf Me:??? Sally is calling Her:Are you gay? Me:I am bisexual Call ended by sally Sally: how could you do this to me Sally: I truly liked you Me: explains what bisexuality is Sally: ok but you are THIRTEEN you are disgusting Sally: I hope your parents are proud of you for this you sick fuck My mom is in the room at this point asking if I wanted to decorate the cake for my dad's birthday My mom takes a quick glance through my texts and sees what Sally had said mom promptly tells me to just block her so I did on every platform along with her friends who are calling me an asshole for what I did I did nothing so I don't know where that came from after about 2 hours of not being on my phone I find out she contacted me through ROBLOX of all things it was unexpected I'll give her that she said she apologized for everything she said but she was just shocked by what I said. I'm here for yall's opinion was I the a-hole after this or her?

Last time I heard Spanish which Google translate revealed to be “god of death” or “devil of death” and then IMMEDIATELY AFTER that I discovered my Reddit karma at the time was 666.
Well today I made a purchase/transaction that turned out to be a total of $6.66, and a few hours later I start hearing “Jesus D-it” in my head. Not GD-it, Jesus D-it.
I’ve also been experiencing A TON of psychological hell, really for years, but it got SUDDENLY MORE SEVERE 7 months ago.
I’m talking vivid nightmares, worse intrusive thoughts, more demonic images in my head (while wide awake) worse and stronger urges to do, evil things. Derealization is pretty much gone, I don’t feel stuck in a dream anymore, but still depersonalization, like I feel like other personalities and moods, evil, sometimes suddenly really positive and optimistic.
Maybe it is God trying to get my attention, maybe it is demonic oppression, and they have tried to possess and control me (which hasn’t actually happened since I was 13, I’m 28 now. I know most people won’t believe this, or just think it was psychosis or something, even though calling out to God literally made it stop. I was literally being controlled against my will. The most vulnerable time for this to be happening is while being asleep (not sleep paralysis, full on up and moving around).
I don’t want to submit to God and commit to celibacy and just submitting to a higher powebeings plan for me, but I literally feel like I’m losing my freewill and self control, I am literally losing control of my mind, like demons have already taking over my mind, and they’ve made more efforts to take control of my body. Praying literally stopped/prevented one of these attempted possessions, but I’ve still never felt God/Jesus Christ/The Holy Spirit’s presence as I’ve felt the evil spirits presence.
The nightmares have been so vivid and clear and realistic, it’s hard to accept them as “just dreams”, especially some of the beings I’ve seen in them.
I used to want to intentionally defy God because I believed that He created me solely to torture me and watch me suffer. Now I’m not so sure.
When I was 13 I literally woke up, and my legs just started running (I was NOT in control of anything, I didn’t even THINK about these things before they happened, it WASN’T ME) and into the wall. Then I ran to my mom and told her something was wrong, and then I started BARKING, and smiling about it (like the supposed demon thought it was funny) and then I screamed in terror, realizing I was being controlled against my will. I even screamed “OH MY GOSH!!!!!” Because I was terrified that saying “OH MY GOD!!!” was blasphemy and would only give the seemingly demon(s) possessing me even more power, and make God less willing to help me, I guess?
I was swinging my arms around, making animal noises, and I felt like I was trapped between a dream and being awake/real life.
I desperately looked up and called out to God “GOD! PLEASE HELP! I CAN’T WAKE UP! PLEASE WAKE ME UP GOD!!!!” Seemingly seconds later, it just stopped. It literally FELT LIKE waking up from a dream, but I was indeed physically awake the entire time.
Weirdly it was like the COMPLETE OPPOSITE of sleep paralysis (something I’ve surprisingly never actually experienced) and I had never experienced anything like that before, it just seemed to happen out of nowhere (I had a lot of stress from school but come on, this seems to be pretty much unheard of, even among people who do actually believe in demonic possession).
My family is Christian and believes in God and Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit, but they still insist it was my medication at the time causing psychosis and/or panic attacks or something.
But what is happening to me now, if that really was just a medication side effect/adverse reaction???
I just want to be normal. I don’t want to be evil and a psychopath or any of that evil stuff. But my thoughts are so disturbing and twisted and evil.
I’m 28 years old, I should be doing so much better in life, not working as a grocery bagger living with my parents.
I feel like I’m just controlled by greater forces, and my own identity is getting corrupted and warped, it’s hard to even really explain it.
Like my mind is just an unheard of OS (operating system). I recognize some of my own thought processes, but it’s impossible to actually explain and anybody understand it.
Was I just hurt so much I want to hurt others now? What is wrong with me?
Christians, do you think the devil and demons are actually attacking me?
Today when I got the $6.66 total, and later heard “Jesus D-it” in my head, before I even went to my job, I got PERMANENTLY banned from Christian for saying that people might regret remaining celibate indefinitely (or until “God sends them someone”).
Are these all signs? Signs from the enemy? Warnings from God?
What could possibly be wrong with me??? Over medicated possibly cause anything like this? I’ve been on multiple psych drugs for most of my life.
I rely on the health insurance from my crappy job to afford my meds, because I got kicked off my parents when I turned 26 (US law).
I live in a red state, so it’d be quite challenging to get any medical aid if I lost my job and/or my health insurance.
I keep feeling my mood and personality change, what is this????
I can’t control my actions when I’m asleep, that’s when they really attack, and make me wake up screaming as loud and long as I possibly can. It scares the hell out of my family.
If I lived in an apartment my neighbors would probably be calling the police on me a lot, I might even get evicted for the noise disturbances.
Why did God even have to create me in the first place???

(The post is slightly altered because the original text was more personal and directed at my friend)
All of this is stuff you’ve already heard before so this is just my personal looks at the album, its meaning, and why it’s probably the best rap album we’ll ever see.
If you have listened to TPAB all the way through then you remember that in the final track, Mortal Man, it’s Kendrick and someone else talking. I put this together and it’s just the conversation they have so you can easily read it and see who is talking when.
This is how I interpret albums meaning: TPAB is about the issues that African Americans will face due to the neglect of the U.S. government. The idea of the butterfly is a person who has become famous, or has power. That’s why in tracks like Wesley’s Theory, the opening track, the person talking says, “When the four corners of this cocoon collide You'll slip through the cracks hopin' that you'll survive Gather your weight, take a deep look inside Are you really who they idolize? To pimp a butterfly.” A butterfly is a transformed caterpillar, so in TPAB the idea of a caterpillar is someone who the government, or really anyone for that matter, doesn’t care about. Once they become famous (transform) and have power, they are treated better or like a butterfly.
Also, fun fact about TPAB that you prob already know. The original title was going to be “To Pimp a Caterpillar.” This was because it would then abbreviate to “2PAC” instead of TPAB.
Now for the conversation:
Kendrick: “I remember you was conflicted, misusing your influence. Sometimes I did the same, abusing my power full of resentment. Found myself screaming in a hotel room. I didn’t wanna self destruct. The evils of Lucy was all around me, so I went running for answers. Until I came home, but that didn’t stop survivors guilt. Going back and forth, trying to convince myself the stripes I earned, or maybe how A-1 my foundation was. But while my loved ones were fighting a continuous war back in the dirty, I was entering a new one. A war that was based on apartheid and discrimination. Made me wanna go back to the city and tell the homies what I learned, the word was respect. Just because you wore a different gang color than mine's doesn't mean I can't respect you as a black man. Forgetting all the pain and hurt we caused each other in these streets. If I respect you, we unify and stop the enemy from killing us, but I don't know, I'm no mortal man, maybe I'm just another n*. Shit and that's all I wrote. I was gonna call it Another N** but, it ain't really a poem, I just felt like it's something you probably could relate to. Other than that, now that I finally got a chance to holla at you. I always wanted to ask you about a certain situa--, about a metaphor actually, you spoke on the ground. What you mean 'bout that, what the ground represent?”
Friend: “The ground is gonna open up and swallow the evil…”
Kendrick - “Right…”
Friend: “That's how I see it, my word is bond. I see--and the ground is the symbol for the poor people, the poor people is gonna open up this whole world and swallow up the rich people. Cause the rich people gonna be so fat, they gonna be so appetising, you know what I'm saying, wealthy, appetizing. he poor gonna be so poor and hungry, you know what I'm saying it's gonna be like... there might be some cannibalism out this mutha, they might eat the rich.”
Kendrick: “Aight so let me ask you this then, do you see yourself as somebody that's rich or somebody that made the best of their own opportunities?”
Friend: “I see myself as a natural born hustler, a true hustler in every sense of the word. I took nothin', I took the opportunities, I worked at the most menial and degrading job and built myself up so I could get it to where I owned it. I went from having somebody manage me to me hiring the person that works my management company. I changed everything I realized my destiny in a matter of five years you know what I'm saying I made myself a millionaire. I made millions for a lot of people now it's time to make millions for myself, you know what I'm saying. I made millions for the record companies, I made millions for these movie companies, now I make millions for us.”
Kendrick: “And through your different avenues of success, how would you say you managed to keep a level of sanity?”
Friend: “and by my faith in "all good things come to those that stay true. You know what I'm saying, and it was happening to me for a reason, you know what I'm saying, I was noticing, shit, I was punching the right buttons and it was happening. So it's no problem, you know I mean it's a problem but I'm not finna let them know. I'm finna go straight through.”
Kendrick: “Would you consider yourself a fighter at heart or somebody that only reacts when they back is against the wall?”
Friend: “Shit, I like to think that at every opportunity I've ever been threatened with resistance, it's been met with resistance. And not only me but it goes down my family tree. You know what I'm saying, it's in my veins to fight back.”
Kendrick: “Aight well, how long you think it take before n***** be like, we fighting a war, I'm fighting a war I can't win and I wanna lay it all down.”
Friend: “In this country a black man only have like 5 years we can exhibit maximum strength, and that's right now while you a teenager, while you still strong or while you still wanna lift weights, while you still wanna shoot back. Cause once you turn 30 it's like they take the heart and soul out of a man, out of a black man in this country. And you don't wanna fight no more. And if you don't believe me you can look around, you don't see no loud mouth 30-year old muthafuckas.”
Kendrick: “That's crazy, because me being one of your offspring of the legacy you left behind I can truly tell you that there's nothing but turmoil goin' on so I wanted to ask you what you think is the future for me and my generation today?”
Friend: “I think that n***** is tired of grabbin' shit out the stores and next time it's a riot there's gonna be, like, uh, bloodshed for real. I don't think America know that. I think American think we was just playing and it's gonna be some more playing but it ain't gonna be no playing. It's gonna be murder, you know what I'm saying, it's gonna be like Nat Turner, 1831, up in this muthafucka. You know what I'm saying, it's gonna happen.”
Kendrick: “That's crazy man. In my opinion, only hope that we kinda have left is music and vibrations, lotta people don't understand how important it is. Sometimes I be like, get behind a mic and I don't know what type of energy I'mma push out, or where it comes from. Trip me out sometimes.”
Friend: “Because the spirits, we ain't even really rappin', we just letting our dead homies tell stories for us.”
Kendrick: I wanted to read one last thing to you. It's actually something a good friend had wrote describing my world. It says: "The caterpillar is a prisoner to the streets that conceived it. Its only job is to eat or consume everything around it, in order to protect itself from this mad city. While consuming its environment the caterpillar begins to notice ways to survive. One thing it noticed is how much the world shuns him, but praises the butterfly. The butterfly represents the talent, the thoughtfulness, and the beauty within the caterpillar. But having a harsh outlook on life the caterpillar sees the butterfly as weak and figures out a way to pimp it to his own benefits. Already surrounded by this mad city the caterpillar goes to work on the cocoon which institutionalizes him. He can no longer see past his own thoughts. He's trapped. When trapped inside these walls certain ideas take roots, such as going home, and bringing back new concepts to this mad city The result? Wings begin to emerge, breaking the cycle of feeling stagnant. Finally free, the butterfly sheds light on situations that the caterpillar never considered, ending the internal struggle. Although the butterfly and caterpillar are completely different, they are one and the same. What's your perspective on that? Pac? Pac? Pac?!”

I [F23] moved away from home to different country (australia )since i was a teenager, now i’m married with a toddler.
I was born and raised in Vietnam. I didn’t have the worst childhood, It was bad but not the worst, I was actually spoiled they gave me everything i wanted but from my memory i spent half of my childhood with a nanny. My parents would go out drinking with friends, benders, .. i would wake up upset next to my nanny knowing my parents didn’t come home the night before. When i was in pre school i had a competition out of town , when it was over i remember walking to the front to see my parents and none of them were there while the other kids were getting picked up, i stood there alone for a good 10 minutes and my teacher offered to take me home and 10 minutes later they showed up, turned out they were drinking with friends somewhere , i had to come with them and they made me sit at a separate table to wait. As a kid it felt terrible. All of my birthday parties were theirs , they would drink with friends till off their head and it was never about me. Travelling, i loved travelling, but yes of course they would also be off their head every time we traveled, and guess where i had to be? either at a separate table or in a hotel room alone. I spent most of the time staying in so i never got so see or experience and anything. Looking back it hurts my heart so much because i would never do that to my kids . Years later there was one time when i was in primary my mum forgot to pick me up from school and i had to walk home.. she was drunk and there was no apology whatsoever. When i was in year6 ( 12 years old) i was locked outside until 12am because my parents were drinking somewhere, I called them multiple times but they didn’t care so i had to ride my bike to their drinking spot, i was so angry that i threw my bike on the side of the road and my dad slapped me in the face twice in front of their friends for ‘embarrassing’ them, he then took me home and grabbed me by my hair and continued to beat me up. I don’t think i remember the exact amount of time they abused and neglected me when they were drunk
Now i have my own family in a different country, I don’t see them as often anymore but we still have a good relationship. They wanted to visit us and I tidied up the place for them, planned the week as i wanted to show them around ( they’ve never been here before) I was very excited because i missed them . On their first day here i took them out for lunch, when my family and I showed up there was 2 of their friends (who are also Vietnamese but live in Australia) sitting at the table, so there wasn’t room for us we had to sit at a seperate one. Family lunch was ruined as i expected it to be bonding time between us. My parents then decided to leave with them to go out drinking. Like on your first day here? Seriously? My toddler was so sad because she really wanted to spend with her grandparents and they knew that but they didn’t care, they wanted to prioritise drinking with friends first. I had a go at them saying that they were selfish , inconsiderate and unappreciative, and that they should’ve not put their friends first over family since we see each other once every couple years!! All of a sudden it felt like i was my younger self once again getting neglected, resenting my parents. They then got angry at me wanting to book a flight home because ‘ they don’t enjoy it here’ . I haven’t spoken to them since and apparently they’re actually leaving tomorrow. Am I wrong for being upset with the fact that they chose their friends on their first day here? I dont think they care about their kids feelings?

Got my bottle a few weeks ago. This is what I did..

1. I have been struggling with bright lime green grass growing at crazy rates, way beyond my grasses growth rate. Every pic I post, some percentage of people say it’s poa triv. I’m not an expert but it’s certainly looked like it and mesotrione hasn’t knocked it out.
2. Once I knew I was getting the Velocity PM, I tank mixed mesotrione and triclopyr to mark all of the bad spots. Sprayed it down immediately and let it turn its usual white. My grass looked like a Grateful Dead tshirt.
3. After about a week, I mixed the Velocity PM and hit all the bright white spots in my lawn. That was 13 days ago. The temp’s have had highs between 70 and 90 as the instructions state. In all honesty, It’s not 100% clear what the recommended temps mean in terms of application. Is the 70-90 range a high threshold? A range which the temp can exceed? Anyways, I applied it.
4. Done 2 cuts since then and all of the lime green is nearly gone. The temp hasn’t risen above 90 but has dipped below 70 during the evening. I interpreted the 70-90 range to be daytime highs. Seems to be right.
5. Tomorrow is day 14 and going to go after same spots again. Overall, I’d say it’s working, really effectively working. It honestly looks completely gone.
   In the same way 2,4 d makes clover disappear. When it’s finally gone, u question whether it was there at all.
   

Today, I have 0 lime green in my lawn. I’m dealing with some patchiness but the poa annua and the poa triv aren’t apparent at all. Once this last remnant of white grass disappears, I’ll have a perfect lawn. I’m applying it again tomorrow to be sure. These b’tard strains have been known to be tough.

I left my moms house late february of this year as it was becoming too much to stay. The constantly bullying, belittling and outcasting was unbearable.
I went back home today to get the rest of my things and see my little sister as her birthday is tomorrow. Just to find out she threw away all of my brothers and i clothes, shoes, everything all of it. I want to react, i want to scream at her or beat her face in. She did exactly what my dad did to her years ago when they separated. We moved back with nothing but the clothes on our back and the car we had.
My clothes, my vinyls, my collections of things, my blankets and shoes. All gone. Everything i had left. I’m emotional right now and just got back to my hotel room with my boyfriend. I don’t know what to do besides come here to vent.
My mom has always been the thing holding me back so long. I sent her a long paragraph about a month ago about the things i went through from childhood up until now. Black mothers aren’t easy. Some bully, some belittle, she never made me feel like what i was doing was enough for her. She always needed more. Which baffled me because she’s a 40+ woman with not shit to her name not even a car and can barely pay her bills.
She kicked my brother out after he saw that she got her tax return and while head still paying all her bills she was spending that tax money materialistic things. That upset him and when she was confronted about it by him that’s how she reacted.
A small part of me was hoping that she’d be a little bit human, a little bit of a mother but i’m starting to accept that she never will be. She turned me against my dad all these years only for me to end up seeing exactly what he was talking about .

TW for sexual, physical, medical, emotional, and religious abuse, childhood sa, suicidal ideation, and self harm
This past week has been incredibly difficult so I decided it would be good for me to write a letter to my mom to keep for myself during my healing process to get everything out and it's been very cathartic (all fake names used). Part of my healing journey has been sharing my (extremely personal) experience with others who understand, hence why I'm sharing this here, and maybe it'll give someone some strength knowing that I made it out. I hope everyone is kind to themselves this week and was able to treat this holiday as a holiday for themselves for surviving their abusive moms!
Dear mom, Happy belated Mother’s Day. My Mother’s Day was spent being upset and anxious so I decided to write this letter. This letter is so incredibly difficult to write and even more difficult to read back to myself. Moving away from my university and back home during COVID was genuinely one of the most difficult things I have done in my life simply because of all of the repressed memories that flooded back into my brain every single day I was in that house. I used to resent the pandemic for forcing me to live in an environment that made me want to harm myself every single day and die every other day, but I am now thankful for the clarity that it brought me as I don’t think I’d have the foresight that I have now.
There is a lot that I want to say. I am angry, bitter, resentful, and traumatized from things that you have done to me as a child and also as an adult. Growing up, you’re never able to fully recognize what is healthy because whatever you experience will be your barometer for normalcy. I thought for a very long time that thing were normal but thank God I now know just how truly fucked up so many of my childhood experiences were. Not a single day goes by where I don’t think about the emotional, physical, and sexual abuse that I went through. I am haunted every single day by things that you did (and some things that you didn’t do) and hope that one day I will be able to heal from what I experienced.
I grew up being close to my cousin Chloe (a year younger than me) who was obviously very bitchy, mean, and abusive. This fact isn’t something you weren’t aware of as I know a fully grown adult would be able to see how she treated and talked to me when around you and come to the obvious conclusion that I should not have been allowed to be around her. She bullied me, called me names, physically assaulted me by pushing me, pulling my hair, and sitting on me with my hands held behind my back until I couldn’t breathe, forced me to bathe in scolding hot bath water that would burn my skin, making me undress and make fun of parts of my body, and forced me to watch things that she knew would scare me. This is the same time that I started having insomnia and struggled in school due to anxiety. It’s also the same time I remember my sound sensitivity starting. Do you remember my childhood friend’s mom Amelia and how protective she was over my friend, Diana? Diana met Chloe at my 9th birthday party and Diana went over to her house for a playdate and Chloe did something to her. She physically reached over and groped Diana on the privates. I knew Amelia IMMEDIATELY prevented her daughter from ever being around Chloe again. I also knew that it's possible she mentioned this to my aunt, but I'm not positive. I know that Amelia is the type of mom to prevent Diana from reading Harry Potter because she thought it was a bad influence on her due to being “demonic”, so I wouldn’t be surprised if she made you aware of what Chloe did to Diana as she knew that I spent a lot of time around her. I doubt that what Chloe did to Diana was ever kept a secret from you. Chloe also forced me to do sexual things I didn’t want to do from roughly the ages of 8-11. One time, we were in her kitchen and she pulled out a knife and said that she was going to stab me. By then, I knew she just wanted to scare me so when I had no reaction, she put the knife away. I was terrified of what would happen if I said no to her so I went along with whatever she wanted. She would go into the bathroom and tell me to follow, would lock the door, and make me take off my clothes and let her do things to me and forced me to do the same things to her. I used to think that you had NO IDEA about this until I remember you saying the words- “you were an amazing kid and never had any problems until you got a little older. I always wondered if something happened.” Who the fuck says that to their kid? Yeah, something did happen and it wouldn’t have happened if you protected me!!!! You fucking idiot!!!! I remember being in our new house and taking a shower with you when I was about 8 (which was VERY inappropriate and should NEVER have happened at all) and saying something that clearly made you uncomfortable. I remember the exact face you made and know that any normal, healthy adult would have done something about it and made sure nothing was happening. They would have made sure I was SAFE, and talked to me about safety, but nothing was said or done. You have failed me many times, but this one is the most painful. Not only will you need to live with the fact that you knew about my abuse and did nothing, but I will have to live with the fact that my mom knew "something happened” and didn’t care about me enough to protect me. I look at my beautiful niece Hallie, and imagine not protecting her like that and want to vomit. I cannot fathom how a mother would have the thought “I wonder if something happened to my daughter to case a massive behavioral change” and NOT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT! You didn’t talk to me, never asked me if Chloe was doing anything, or anything at all. If I even had a minor suspicion that something was happening to Hallie, I would IMMEDIATELY do something about it because THAT IS MY JOB as an adult in her life. You failed me and deserve to know that this traumatized me and gave me PTSD. I am NOT autistic, no matter how much you WANT me to be so you can go around and gain sympathy for “having an autistic daughter” rather than owning up to the fact that you caused what “went wrong” with me.
Not only did you not help prevent me from being molested by my cousin, you also added to my sexual trauma by forcing me to use the giant egg monistat insert to treat a yeast infection when I was 11. I was ELEVEN and you had a bright idea to force a HUGE foreign object into my prepubescent body even though you were fully aware I could have easily gotten a prescription for a pill to swallow from a doctor. I was scared. I had so much pain and itching and needed a mother to hug me, tell me it’s going to be okay, or at the very least, EXPLAIN what I had and how we were going to fix it. You didn’t do any of that. You told me to lay down and proceeded to try and administer medication that is NOT meant for children 12 and under due to the physical damage it could cause. I was clearly in pain and scared, but you kept trying anyways. At any point, you could have stopped and taken me to the fucking doctor, but nope. You then got frustrated that “you couldn’t get it in” and told your 11 year old daughter to shove it inside herself. Then you left the room. I hadn’t even had a period yet, let alone know where my vagina was but you sure felt the need to yet again abandon your parental responsibilities and place them onto your kid! Miraculously, I put it in and wobbled out to lay on the couch because I was in physical pain from BOTH the infection and YOU, but because a child’s body isn’t able to properly fully insert the medication used (which once again I’ll remind you is meant for girls 13 and up), it came out and got on the couch because you didn’t give me a pad. And rather than prioritize your own daughter’s health, safety, wellbeing, and comfort, you were more upset about the stain on the couch and yelled at me. I will never forget in all of the years that I am alive how ashamed and disgusted I felt standing behind you watching you furiously scrub at the stain that I caused (actually, that YOU caused since this never should have happened in the first place!) and feeling a huge flood of guilt every time I saw that couch stain. One of the best days of my life was when we got a new couch and I never had to see that stain again.
All of this caused me to develop anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts and ideation, self harming behaviors, having out of body experiences where I dissociate, and panic attacks amongst other things. YOU caused ALL of this and you fought tooth and nail to convince me that it was MY fault for being broken. “There’s something going on with you,” and you made it your mission to never take any responsibility for any of the trauma that you caused. Not only did you ignore all signs of abuse and sexually assault me yourself, you bullied and helped a family friend Sharon bully me when I was “being mean” to (her daughter) Faith. I was treated like I was a mentally ill monster who couldn’t be trusted and always got in trouble whenever Faith shed a single tear because I was “mean to her”. Faith cried at LEAST 15x a day, and I was blamed every time she decided to say I was the reason. You allowed a monster (Sharon) to ABUSE me and had the incredibly wise idea to start passing along what shit talking you two would say about me TO ME, a 13 year old girl. I was THIRTEEN. I was A CHILD. And yet, you came crying and complaining to me about how tired you were of hearing Sharon say I was being mean to her daughter when you could have TOLD THE OTHER ADULT IN THE SITUATION TO STOP. It never was my responsibility as a child to try and make another adult stop abusing me by “behaving better.” There was nothing wrong with how I was behaving. You never once tried to help me, you always blamed anybody and everybody else for your failures. I would come and ask you for help when I was struggling and if you didn’t care, you would pawn it off to somebody else- “go talk to your older sister” “talk to your therapist about that” “I don’t know what to say except to tell you to pray about it” and when I came back saying praying didn’t magically fix my depression, you told me to pray harder. I guess you really thought it was a skill issue rather than a diagnosable health condition! No wonder I wanted to die! Hahaha! I’ll never forget the look of disgust on your face when I was sobbing hysterically and struggling to get out the words when I told you just how badly I was affected by Sharon and said how you played a role in helping her harm and abuse me. “WELL. I’m SORRY if you think I didn’t protect you enough. I know what that feels like because my parent’s took my sister’s side a few weeks ago when we were having an argument” (as FULLY GROWN 50+ YEAR OLDS arguing and bitching LIKE CHILDREN!) No, mom, it’s not the same. I was a child and not only did you not stop an abuser from harming me, you joined in. You allowed her access to me and you passed along what horrible things she said was wrong with me. “SHARON said she thinks YOU’RE BIPOLAR. Do you think you are?” “Sharon told me that you’re having AN EPISODE and are being mean to Faith! Show me your phone!” “Well, I just don’t understand why you keep bringing this up when it happened so long ago. I just hope you can forgive her and move on.” You’re fucking disgusting. Should I go into detail about how many times I asked you to not interact with Sharon more than you needed to and you proceeded to try and force her into my life more? You KNEW how uncomfortable I was with you attending Faith’s wedding and yet, you cared more about how you looked and not only attended, but hosted both her wedding and wedding showers. I have always wondered why you never cared how I feel until I realized that you prioritize yourself and how you look to other people above anything and everyone. There is a clear pattern of behavior-

• When I was 17 and you were painting my fingernails and berating me for wanting to visit my friend up in Boston to see a concert together because “you just didn’t understand why I’d want to do that” and I started crying. You rolled your eyes and said “you better leave now if you don’t want my next client to see you crying because her appointment is in a few minutes.” You cared more about having your random client seeing me cry and potentially thinking you’re a bad mom than comforting me.
• When I was 13 and we were saying our nightly prayer the night that I had my “therapy appointment” (aka, you and my “therapist” chastising me for writing in my diary that I was having suicidal thoughts), when you were praying you said “Dear God, please help (my name)… and… pLEASE HELP ME!!!!” Clearly, YOU were affected more than I was even though I was the one wanting to die because of you. Wow. Your life is so hard!
• Telling everyone around you that I “have problems” and am “really struggling” so you can gain an ounce of sympathy. The way that your friends come up and talk to me is baffling. They treat me like I just got home from the psychiatric hospital.
• Laughing about me with my friends in high school when I was out of the room- “hahaha my daughter is sooooo weird hahaha”
• When I was 18 and you called my “therapist” (who did NOT get my consent before doing this and violated her ethical guidelines) after I moved out and stopped talking to you, you got her to help you write a list of “rules” to force me to stay in contact with you. They consisted of requiring me to “talk to you, dad, or my sister at least 1x/day” so you “knew that I was safe” aka, you wanted to control me even though I was an adult and not living in your house. I was perfectly safe, and yet you made me sound like I was doing drug deals in the morning, prostituting myself after lunch, and had plans to commit felonies later that night. I went to school, ate, and went back to my apartment. You had no right manipulating me into talking to you by using my therapist, dad, and sister against me. Pathetic.
• Telling me to go do my runs on a strange man’s property instead of the road because it’s “safer.” Dad said that this man who I’VE NEVER MET told him that “there are bad people out there who will kidnap her and do horrible things to her, SO INSTEAD she should run on MY property!” Not sketchy or rapey at all, right? And completely dismissing me when I said that made me uncomfortable by saying “my dad knows him”? Lady, do you know any rape statistics? Clearly not, because you’d then know that only 7% of assaults are strangers while 93% are family members or acquaintances. NINETY THREE PERCENT. The amount of times that I’ve mentioned someone made me uncomfortable or had a massive affect on me as a child and you’ve replied with “Oh, well did they touch you?” People don’t have to touch me to traumatize me. You’re pathetic for thinking that.

I’m not mad at Chloe. I don’t feel any anger or ill will towards her at all. She was a child just like I was a child. She was failed more than I was failed. No child acts that way and assaults other children without learning that from somewhere. I blame her parents for what happened to her. I blame YOU for what happened to me. I vividly remember things that my aunt would say the same time this was happening about little girls and their bodies and I want to smash my head against the wall. Children are to be protected above anything and everything else, by you didn’t. Do I hate Faith and think that she’s a bad person because of what happened when we were 13? No. I fully blame you and Sharon. The amount of adults that have failed me in my life keep me up at night. I think about how different my life would be had dad been more involved and seen what was going on and taken me away from you. I am angry with him for that. I dream one day I will be able to sit down with him and tell him everything I have written about and he will hug me, support me, cry with me, and apologize for not being there more to protect me. But who knows, he might defend his child abusing, mentally ill wife and say I’m making up everything. Who knows.
Do you want to know what my sister said when I told her all of this? She apologized to me for not being 15 years older than I am so she could have raised me instead. I want you to sit here and think about how fucked up that is. My own sister wishes she could have taken me away from you so you couldn’t have abused me. I imagine the pressure she must have felt having to grow up while also raising her mother and sister and I sob for her. I’ve sobbed for me for the mental anguish and torture I experienced at your hands. I’ve even sobbed for you because I can’t imagine being even a fraction of how fucked up you are to resort to abusing and neglecting your child- a child you begged to have. A child you had trouble having and prayed for. Embarrassing.
I’m never going to have a relationship with you again. If God is willing, I will never have to interact with you ever again. Saying that phrase “if God is willing” is ironic because you forcing me to pray my problems away rather than helping me led me to not believe in him. How can I believe in something that also neglected me? I’d sit in my dark bedroom night after night praying and sobbing for him to help me. I didn’t know what was happening to me, but I felt broken and alone. I now know that I was a child praying for God to take away my PTSD, and that is not possible. My heart breaks for that child.
You’re a pathetic excuse for a mother and human being. I’m truly shocked that I survived you and your abuse. I’m surprised that I didn’t ever try to kill myself to try and get away from you because you’re a vulture that prays on innocent people. The only important people in your life are people you think will give you something or will make you look good. That’s why you refused to ever cut ties with Sharon, you knew she was sexually abused as a child and you couldn’t POSSIBLY NOT be her friend because you need her to be your “friend,” or rather, your token sexually abused as a child friend. I genuinely hope that you get better and become a normal healthy person but I won’t ever be around to see it. I hope you feel even a fraction of the pain and abandonment that I have felt my entire life. Happy Mother’s Day, but today isn’t Mother’s Day for me, it’s Daughter’s Day. Moving far away from you one month ago has truly saved my life. Instead of trying to survive, I am enjoying my life. I would have died in that house. I get to finally celebrate being away from you and celebrate myself for staying strong and fighting when I could have easily given up. You once told me “you feel like I HATE you!” to guilt me into fawning over you and telling you how much I loved you, but now you get the opposite. I DO hate you and hate how you have permanently changed me and I wish to never see you again. Instead of praying for the “God forsaken, atheist, lost, evil, liar, miserable, spiteful, hateful, disgusting, mentally ill, “autistic” daughter, pray for yourself. Pray for God’s forgiveness for emotionally, medically, physically, sexually, and religiously abusing and neglecting me. You deserve to remain in your "clueless" state of "having NO IDEA what you did wrong to make her stop talking to me!" for the rest of your life.Happy Daughter’s Day.

This situation is far more complicated and has been years in the making. If you want a rundown, I’ve put a TLDR at the bottom. I truly just need a space for me to type out my story and possibly maybe hear similar stories if anyone can relate. This is an extremely long post, and there’s a chance I ramble, so just as a warning
I’ll give some background before I say my case: I (22F) have been suspicious of my dad (50M) for the better part of my life. I have diagnosed anxiety and for the most part, I’ve thought my ideas and skepticisms on the matter as just intrusive thoughts. My dad and I have l always had a weird relationship. It doesn’t change how much I love him though. Even as I sit here today, I can’t in good conscience say I hate my dad. I love my dad. Even in his bad moments and questionable behaviors, hes my dad and usually my biggest of supporters. I think because of his bipolar nature it makes this situation so hard.
My mom and dad have been married for 25 years. Like I said before, they have four kids, both come from strict Catholic families, and share the same group of friends. On the outside, everyone can tell my dad loves my mom. He worships the ground she walks on, splurges on expensive gifts for her and is pretty openly affectionate. My mom, however, has never been vocal on her affections, inside and out of the house. Honestly, I can see how this affects my dad. Over the years, they’ve gotten shorter with each other, dad lashes out a bit more (something I’d say to remember as you keep reading), and will disappear into the night after a harsh argument.
I’d say this is where I start to get weird feelings on him. We all have a joint Life360. All of us, including our parents, can see where we are at all times. I’m fine with this, given at the time of this starting I was 20 and in college and I understand why a parent would want their kids locations. When checking the app, I started to notice my dad’s location being off at weird intervals of the night. If you have Life360, you’d know that it will tell you someone’s location has been turned off. Naturally, I’d ask my dad and he’d laugh it off saying his app was screwed up and he wasn’t sure why it was doing that and then 20 minutes later his location would be back on. Whatever, fine. The locations would only turn off around 11 P.M. on random evenings, usually when he was in town. He’d still throw the excuse that it was because he was just flying and airplane mode screws up Life360 (which isn’t true btw).
Anyways, I guess the meat of this story starts December of 2022. Dad’s anger is at weird levels. He’s arguing with my mom more and turning off his location. Me, being stupid, accused him of acting weird a few days before Christmas. Naturally he gets defensive and starts to say things like I’d never cheat on your mom, how could you accuse me of things like that, my phone is just wired. I’d argue back that I never accused him of cheating, just that he’s weird. That didn’t help my case. This is where his true character started to show. Threats of I’d cut you off from college (they pay for my schooling, car and phone), yelling at me for not showing respect for him, how he’s done so much for the family. After this argument I’d see him deleting no name contacts off of his phone after a conversation. I brought this up to my mom, and she tells me it’s probably work so I drop it. If my mom’s not worried why should I be.
After Christmas, we fly north to visit family since we’re the only ones down south. During our trip, he’d take my grandparents car (with their permission, these are my moms parents) to run errands for the Christmas parties that will be happening over the next couple of days. Once again, every time he’d go out his location would turn off. The tipping point for me was when he said he was going to fill up my grandparents car with gas. They live 5 minutes from a gas station. We had a reservation in an hour with his dad that we cannot be late to. My dad knew this. He was gone for an hour. Location off. He’s not contacting anyone, including my mom, on where he is. When he gets back, 5 minutes after when we were supposed to leave, he tells us all that there was an accident at the gas station and they needed him for a witness support. I shoot him down asking why his location was off and why he didn’t tell anyone this in front of my siblings, mom, and grandparents. They all laugh like it’s a joke but once I look at him he’s fuming. He tells me to get in the car so we can get to dinner.
Once we all pile in for dinner he screams at me, once again repeating the things he said before Christmas and how dare I accuse him of anything in front of his in-laws. When we finally parked the car and started to walk into the restaurant, he screams at me in the parking lot. My cousins and grandfather are standing outside watching him berate me in public. I’m 20 years old and he’s treating me like I’m 5. He told me he was going to stop paying for school and my rent this upcoming school year to teach me a lesson. I have never seen my father like this before, and true to his word, I paid for the first two months of my Spring 2023 school year. After some convincing from my mom, my dad texts me in March to not worry about the rent. I think after this is where I truly realize what’s at stake and what more I could lose if I try something like this again, and I never once verbally said he was cheating to anyone. Besides I had no proof.
In between this period, my mom and I have a huge heart to heart. I confess to her that her relationship with my dad is not something I view healthy, and I’m fearful that my marriage one day will look like theirs. I tell her I think she’s treated unfairly behind closed doors and she needs to step up for herself. She agrees but once I bring up divorce, she laughs and says she’d never in a million years consider that. She’d never get a divorce, and she kept reinforcing that. My parents are super Catholic, so I’m not surprised by this statement, but I feel like this paragraph is important to note.
Jump forward it May 2023. I’m off for the summer, in a limbo between end of the school year and starting my internship, so I’m back home. One evening my parents and I are watching a show in the living room. How we are all positioned makes it that my dad is in front of us. During a commercial break while my mom is getting water, my dad takes out his phone and starts texting, however it’s not on iMessage. It’s on Grindr. The only reason I know it was Grindr is because I have a few gay friends at school and I’ve seen some of their messages before. Honest to god, I’m shocked and paralyzed in my seat. What I’ve been suspicious about for the past half of the year is true. Just not in the sense I thought he was. Excusing myself to my room I go to recollect myself and reach out to two of my closer friends about the situation.
Over the next few months when I visit home, I start to document any instance I see him on the app or turning off his location. I have multiple videos of him texting people on Grindr. I’ve started to hint to my mom that something isn’t right and made out loud comments how weird dads been. Since last May, I’ve told my younger sister (F19) about my dad and showed her some evidence. She refuses to acknowledge the behavior and does not want to do anything about it. We’ll joke about it sometimes behind closed doors but when I bring it up to her today about telling my mom or talking to my dad, she gets fearful and thinks it’s stupid to do.
Which leads us to today. I am a fresh graduate from college. I’ve moved back home and am looking for work. And I know I’m being extremely selfish to everyone in my family for withholding this information. After countless talks with my therapist, she thinks it’s wise to not tell my dad or mom what’s happening, at least currently. Since I have been actually cut off from my dad and my mom has expressed that she doesn’t want a divorce and can’t really be bothered to look into the situation more, my therapist and a few of my friends agree to wait until I’m financially independent and moved out of the house. I think about telling my parents everyday what I know. But then I think of me, and my three younger siblings (the youngest is 13) who are still living at home, and the fact my mom is financially dependent on my dad. And I think the worst part and it makes me feel awful for even typing this, but it feels a bit easier to cope with this because my dad is exclusively talking to men. He’s not cheating on my mom with other women. My sister and I over the holidays looked to see if he had any of the other dating apps and we found nothing.
Honestly, a lot of you all might have read all of this and may still think I should tell my parents asap. Or question why I’m still waiting. I think I’m scared. I think I don’t want things to change. I don’t want to be blamed at or remembered as the daughter who ruined the **** family. I know it’s my dads fault and it’s not on me, but I’m scared I’ll truly lose my dad if I bring this to light. I’m scared my moms life will be flipped upside down forever. I’m scared my younger siblings will resent me for ruining our family and their cushy life will be lost.
I just needed somewhere to write this all down. I needed to get this off of my chest while I sit in my childhood bedroom. I’ve never felt more trapped and guilty in my life. It’s easier to forget that this is happening while I was at school, but now that I’m home, it’s harder to ignore. If anyone has any similar stories I’d love to hear them. There’s a lot more I’m leaving out so if there are questions I’ll try and answer them.
TLDR: was suspicious of my dad for cheating back in 2022 based on some behaviors and was cut off for two months when I asked what was up. Now I know he’s gay and is cheating on my mom and has been for maybe years. Mom doesn’t seem to worry/care about his behavior and Dad is still creeping around. Now that I’m back home the guilt of not saying a word to either of them is building up but I’m scared I’ll lose my family.

So, this is really long but I think it's worth the read as there has been nothing else like this in the Gtag community before. I have been working on this almost every day since Valentines Day Update 2022. I have changed it, restarted it, and updated it for every new Gtag update. I will make Updates to the in the future as it seems like we are getting more updates and more maps in the future.
Updates are not always literal, for example, the Human Tag Update only shows that humans exist or once existed in the Gorilla Tag world. The Monkes are not literally wearing masks that resemble humans. This logic applies to every update unless it's just cosmetics or a new map. Also, it's really weird at the first few Chapters so just stick with it or skip ahead. Ask any question in the comments about why I put the things I put and if you want evidence.
Most recent Updates to this are in Chapters 8, 14, 15, and 16
BI = Before Infection AI = After Infection
Prologue: Gods
4,500,000,000 BI - 212,001 BI
When Earth is formed, two gods form with it to rule over the planet. Mother Nature, the god of life and nature, and the Illuminati, the god of chaos and ice. Mother Nature usually takes the form of a 3,000-foot-tall tree called the Tree of Life, while the Illuminati takes the form of an ice pyramid with an ice eye in the center. Mother Nature creates life to populate Earth while the Illuminati constantly tries to kill it.
Chapter 1: The Rise and Fall of Humanity
212,000 - 200,001 BI
Humans, the most powerful species on Earth has cut down the Tree of Life and taken Mother Nature out of control. This leaves the Illuminati to slowly creep into the modern society. Some Humans form a cult around it, and they are the most powerful people on Earth. That means, the Illuminati can tell them to do something, and they can affect the most powerful nations on the planet.
Eventually, the Illuminati tricks the humans into fighting each other. The biggest nations on the world begin to go to war with some of the biggest possible nukes. They destroy the surface of the Earth causing it to go into a nuclear ice age. The Illuminati, an ice god, now has full control over Earth. Anytime life appears, it almost instantly dies. However, some humans were able to survive and eventually, the ice age comes to an end, and no god is in control of Earth.
Chapter 2: Monke
200,000 BI - 1,001 BI
After hundreds of thousands of years of evolution, Humans have evolved into a new species called Monkes. Monkes are gorilla-like apes that can survive the harshest of conditions. Their diet consists of grass and bugs. Some bugs and patches of grass have survived over the past few million years.
Mother Nature has started to take back control of the world as she creates the Tree of Life and a whole forest around it in a crater from a nuke. Many Monkes travel to this crater and end up being trapped as the forest is on a lower level then the rest of the crater.
Chapter 3: Rise of the Monkes
1,000 BI - 601 BI
All other Monkes go extinct meaning that the only remaining Monkes are in this crater. One day the Monkes decide to finally make the jump as they all jump down into the forest. Most of them die, but the few that survive are left without legs. About 100 Monkes are alive and they quickly learn to use their arms like legs.
Unfortunately, just like there Human ancestors, the first thing they do is cut down the Tree of Life and use its wood. This leaves Mother Nature powerless again. The wood from the Tree of Life will last them for thousands of years. They build bridges, tree houses, ramps, and a gazebo in the forest. All the children of the surviving Monkes also don't have legs making it now a fundamental part of their species.
They hollow out the inside of the Tree of Life's stump and start to build tunnels out of it. These tunnels reach out to all over the crater. One tunnel leads to a small set of canyons covered in sand. Another tunnel leads to a massive flat, rocky, landscape in the other side of the crater. The final tunnel goes straight down into the ground until it hits a large cave filled with crystals.
They build mines underneath the cave and harvest the large crystals. These crystals are radioactive because of the ancient nukes. The Monkes harvest the crystals and start to use them in technology. They create lamps, litghtposts, lights, signs, and even their greatest accomplishment a computer.
Chapter 4: The City
600 BI - 30 BI
The large, flat, rocky landscape they discovered has a lot of useful recourses in it. Over the next few hundred years they build an entire city with large skyscrapers and new technology that is widespread. There are thousands of Monkes now living in The City. The forest and canyons have become vacation places for most Monkes, and the homes of the most rich or important Monkes.
The Monkes decide to have a leader, so a rich family decides to step up and become the royals of the Monkes. There king is named Yorick, and their queen is named Lucy. They both live in a basement-like area rights next to the main entrance into The City. Queen Lucy also turns the canyons into an industrial area and improves quality of life for the main populous.
King Yorick and Queen Lucy have a son named Blue. By the time Prince Blue was 13 he already starting his dream job of being a scientist.
Chapter 5: The Hunt War
29 BI - 21 BI
A tunnel is dug in city after, and they dig all the way until the edge of the crater. The walls of the crater look like large mountains from down below and they are extremely cold. They accidentally cause an avalanche, and the base of the walls are filled with snow and ice. From this avalanche comes the god of chaos and ice, the Illuminati. The Illuminati causes many snowstorms and causes a sort of Ice Age.
Queen Lucy tries to keep everyone calm and civil. However, the Illuminati is able to influence the Monkes minds and causes chaos and destruction to happen all throughout Monke society. After years of pure chaos, the Monkes are able to split into two factions, The Monkes, and the Smiles. They also are helped by newly discovered species that came with the Ice Age. These species are Penguins, Polar Bears, Snow Owls, and many other species that live in the cold. These species were the only survivors of the ancient human war that nearly killed Earth. Over the past few hundred thousand years, they have all migrated across the world, and have worked together even if they were from different poles of the Earth.
The royal scientist, Prince Blue has created many new technologies before. During the war, he creates a Hunt Watch. A Hunt Watch is a watch that targets the nearest enemy to you. Once you touch that enemy with the watch on, they turn into an Ice Monke and can easily be shattered to bits. Over time, this technology allowed them to win the war and bring somewhat order back.
Chapter 6: The Ice Monkes
20 BI - 1 BI
Many Ice Monkes were not killed in the war, usually they were turned into Ice Monkes but were able to get away before being shattered. The Ice Monkes are still just regular Monkes except they are made of ice, can't go near heat, and are fragile. Even though the war was over, the Ice Monkes were still treated horribly. In this already hard time period, the Ice Monkes had absolutely nothing. Many veterans of the war still had their Hunt Watches, causing many more Ice Monkes to be formed.
Meanwhile the Illuminati builds snow castles for itself in the forest. This means that the mountain base was safe to enter now. To lighten the spirit of this dark time they built a large waterslide in this new area. Many murders and crimes still happen throughout The City, but one day it gets out of hand. King Yorick is assonated, his head was chopped off in the middle of The City. The now lonely Queen Lucy keeps his skull in her home.
Chapter 7: The Infection
0 AI - 3 AI
Ever since the bombs dropped hundreds of thousands of years ago, a volcano has slowly been forming in the crater. Now, the volcano has fully formed and is erupting. All the snow and ice are melted, the Illuminati is gone, the caves are flooded, and the mines are caved in. The base of the walls still has snow but lots of it melts and reshapes its surface.
In the lava was an extremophile virus that can survive the lavas heat. It is radioactive and spreads very quickly. This virus is called the Infection, and many Monkes get it. The infected Monkes get resistant to lava, they get stronger, they get faster, there skin is replaced with lava, and they have an uncontrollable instinct to hunt down normal Monkes and infect them.
The infected spread everywhere but The City is able to be kept safe and nobody can enter or leave The City. After a few years the volcano stops erupting, but the Infection stays around.
Chapter 8: Calming Down
4 AI - 6 AI
Prince Blue finds a cure for the Infection, some Monkes are given jobs to specifically leave The City and cure a ton of infected Monkes. They start doing this and it actually works. The cure is called Kai Juice. Anytime someone enters The City, they are given Kai Juice just in case. It is no longer dangerous to leave The City as if you get infected you can immediately drink some Kai Juice and go back to normal.
The caves and mines are drained and dug up. The old caves and mines completely caved in and revealed even more caves underneath. They start mining again and find loads of dinosaur bones along with a 40-foot-long crystal. Prince Blue has a son named Pink, but unfortunately during such great times, Queen Lucy dies of old age. Blue becomes King Blue and Pink becomes Prince Pink. There is a massive funeral for Queen Lucy that spans from The City all the way to the forest. They burn her body and put her ashes in a vase beneath a grave.
Chapter 9: Exploration
7 AI - 17 AI
A large tunnel is found on the forest walls, they follow it, and it leads out of the crater. Just on the other side of the crater is a beach covered in ancient, broken, human buildings. King Blue sees this and is the first to figure out that there was a complex civilization before them.
A few years later, they have made boats to sail out into the ocean and have built shops to supply the ships on shore. The ocean and beach are also home to many new animals. Meanwhile, King Blue discovered that if an infected Monke stays infected for multiply years, they harden and become rock. When they harden, they can't infect anything, but they can't be cured either. They also get even stronger, even faster, and their rock skin is almost impenetrable.
Chapter 10: The Tree of Life
18 AI - 47 AI
King Blue has been studying everything he can since he became king, and he has noticed that it is possible to revive the Tree of Life. For hundreds of years the Tree of Life's stump has been sitting in the forest, so King Blue is going to be the first one to do anything about it.
Over the next decade they nurture the stump and help it constantly until the Tree of Life has fully grown back. The only problem is that the Tree of Life is almost a mile tall, and they can't climb up that. King Blue and his engineering team spend the next few years building a rocket. When they are finished, they put it in the middle of The City and launch it. On the rocket is a team of explorers and engineers to work on top of the Tree of Life.
When on top of it they build large platforms along with massive rocks wheels and other things powered by winds. When they come back down, months later, they tell everyone what they built. The rocket becomes the main form of transportation in between The City and the Tree of Life’s top. The public uses that rocket to get up there because now people live on top of the Tree of Life in a place called Cloudtown.
Chapter 11: Calm Before the Storm
48 AI - 54 AI
King Blue and his team start to develop a new rocket after realizing how well they built the first rocket. The second rocket they build is not in The City and much larger. They build this rocket for years before eventually, it is done. It launched, flew out of the atmosphere, and took a 3-day journey through space until they landed on the Moon.
The Illuminati has created a being named Humbug. Humbug appears as a 30-foot-tall snowman. Humbug also has the abilities to change size, change the size of other things, transform, and transform other things. He takes the form of an old Monke named Santa Claus. In the form of Santa, he would give out presents to everyone and create ridiculously large birthday cakes for everyone. Everyone loved him and had no idea of his true form. He would use his powers every now and then to shrink people down and kidnap them. Over time he would slowly transform them into children's toys that he would give out to the people. However, the Santa form broke down over time. His red clothes and white beard becoming gray. But the public still loved and cherished him.
Chapter 12: Humbug
55 AI - 62 AI
Humbug reveals his true form and takes over The City. He shrinks down King Blue and Prince Pink. He then mutilates and transforms them into monsters called the Monkeyes. He traps them in a miniature maze and throws Monkes in there to be killed by their previous leaders. Everything is covered in snow once again by the Illuminati, but he still is not fully in control. Humbug takes over everything the Monkes have made before climbing his way up the Tree of Life. Humbug makes it up there and destroys Cloudtown in an attempt to take control over the Tree of Life. This does not work.
Over a few years, the Monkes have been able to create something called a Tesla Coil. The Tesla Coil is a machine that can take away Humbugs powers and use it against him. Humbug's powers are stripped away, and the Monkes take back control. Humbug is shrunken down and trapped in a miniature maze. The Monkes also start to use his powers to make themselves super big. However, with King Blue and Prince Pink turned into monsters, and Humbug overthrown, the Monkes have no leader.
Chapter 13: The Giants War
63 AI - 75 AI
The Monkes have been living peacefully for a few years, but eventualy, the different sizes start to look down on each other. This leads into the Giants War, where the different Monke sizes fight for 9 years. Eventually, the Monke population dwindle so much, that the war ended. The Monkes that did not change their size did not interact with the Monkes that changed their size. Now, tiny Monke skulls and giant Monke skulls are littered everywhere, and the only surviving Monkes are the ones that never changed their size.
Chapter 14: Peace
76 AI - 90 AI
The Tree of Life grows massively and repairs the damage done by Humbug years ago. Countless new branches and huge leaves sprout from its trunk. This allows the Monkes to make their way back up to the treetop with a newly repaired rocket. Cloudtown is rebuild, slowly, but rebuilt nonetheless. This is called, New Cloudtown.
A year after the Giants War ends, the skulls and bodies are cleared out. The City was practically empty as most buildings were either destroyed, damaged, or tilted over in the war. Many Monkes just went to New Cloudtown to survive as going anywhere else other than The City would mean being attacked by Infected Monkes. Also, during this time, the mutated monsters that were once King Blue and Prince Pink were killed by another Monke for sport. Their souls go on to become ghosts that wander the city. King Blue's soul becomes a ghost called the Ghost Wanderer, and Prince Pink's soul becomes a ghost called the Ghost Lurker.
The population has grown more, and the Monkes have created sports to celebrate the era of peace. These sports are Hockey, Watersoccer, and Paintbrawl. This happens during the fall where Lucy's spirit flies out from her grave and starts playing with some random civilian Monkes. She then reunites with the souls of her son and grandson in the forms of the Ghost Wanderer and the Ghost Lurker.
Chapter 15: Advancements
91 AI - 100 AI
A new type of plant is found in New Cloudtown. This plant sprouts large leaves with handle-like stems. These plants are called Glider Vines. The leaves of Glider Vines are used as gliders to fly around New Cloudtown.
The Monkes are unable to explore anymore. The ocean is too vast, they never got back from explorers they sent into the ocean, and the crater walls are too high to climb. So, they spend a few years creating an artificial environment that they can change on a will. They do this by using a Tesla Coil that harness Humbug's powers. In the first testing of it, they try to bring back the vast cave systems they found hundreds of years ago. It was an attempt to make infinite recourses. It turns out as a failure, everything is extremely broken and blocky. After much testing, they have it so it could be a tundra, a swamp, an ancient temple, and basically anything else. This underground, artificial environment is called Rotation.
They decide to excavate a larger area for Rotation. They then finish their original plan of recreating that same ancient cave system. This time it works, and it looks just like how it did hundreds of years ago. However, during the excavating of the larger area, the long dead Queen Lucy's vase finds itself in Rotation. Minor Monkes enter this cave and start mining, but when they discover Lucy's vase, they open it. From her long dead ashes rises the confused, lost, and insane spirit of Lucy. She has been trapped underground in the dark for almost a century now and has gone insane. The minors call her the Burnt Lucy, a dark reflection of their long dead Queen.
Chapter 16: The Return of Humbug
101 AI - ??? AI
The usage of the Tesla Coil attracts Humbug. He is able to escape the miniature maze the Monkes trapped him in, and slowly make his way to Rotation. When he arrives, he is able to get some of his powers back from the Tesla Coil, but he is noticed by the Monkes.
One of the first things Humbug does is kidnap three Monkes and turns them into small monsters called Monkeyes. He places them in the tiny maze that he was once trapped in.

My name is Li Wei, and in my world, martial arts are everything. From the moment we are born, we are immersed in a culture that reveres strength, skill, and the pursuit of perfection through martial cultivation. Schools and sects dot the landscape, each dedicated to different forms and philosophies of combat. Our society is governed by these schools, with the strongest martial artists holding positions of power and influence.
For most of my life, I was ordinary. Born to a humble family with no notable lineage, I trained diligently but struggled to make progress in the traditional martial arts. My peers surpassed me, and I watched as they were recruited by prestigious sects while I remained in the shadows. I often wondered if there was a place for someone like me in a world where strength dictated one's worth.
Everything changed on my sixteenth birthday. It was during the Festival of Awakening, a grand event where young martial artists tested their affinities and received guidance from the elders. The town square was bustling with excitement as we gathered to discover our potential. I was nervous, fully expecting to be told that I had no significant affinity and to continue my life of mediocrity.
When my turn came, I stepped forward and placed my hand on the crystal orb that measured our affinities. For a moment, nothing happened. Then, the orb began to glow with a faint, shimmering light, unlike anything the elders had ever seen. The light grew brighter, pulsing with a strange energy that seemed to warp the space around it. Gasps filled the air, and the elders exchanged bewildered looks.
"You have the affinity with Space Martial Arts," the head elder announced, his voice filled with awe and confusion. "This is unprecedented. We have never encountered such an affinity before."
I was stunned. Space Martial Arts? What did that even mean? The elders had no answers for me. They were as perplexed as I was. However, they knew one thing: my path would be different from anyone else's. They urged me to seek out the legendary Sage of the Void, a reclusive master rumored to possess knowledge of the most esoteric martial arts.
With little more than a name and a direction, I set out on a journey to find the Sage of the Void. My travels took me through rugged mountains, dense forests, and vast deserts. Along the way, I encountered other martial artists, some of whom were curious about my affinity, while others viewed me with suspicion or hostility. I had to defend myself more than once, using my nascent abilities to manipulate space, bending the distance between myself and my opponents.
Weeks turned into months, and just as I began to lose hope, I found him. The Sage of the Void lived in a secluded valley, surrounded by ancient stones etched with mysterious symbols. He was an old man, with a long white beard and eyes that seemed to see through the fabric of reality itself. He welcomed me with a knowing smile, as if he had been expecting me.
"Welcome, Li Wei," he said, his voice resonating with a deep, calming presence. "You have much to learn, and the path ahead will be arduous. But if you are willing, I will teach you the Art of Space."
Under the sage's tutelage, I delved into the mysteries of space. I learned to manipulate the very fabric of reality, creating portals, bending distances, and even distorting time to some extent. My training was grueling, pushing my mind and body to their limits. The sage was a harsh but fair master, demanding perfection and relentless in his pursuit of my potential.
Months turned into years, and my skills grew. I mastered the basics and began to understand the deeper principles of Space Martial Arts. I could teleport short distances, create pockets of distorted space to trap my enemies, and even phase through solid objects. My understanding of space allowed me to predict and counter my opponents' moves, making me a formidable fighter.
As my training neared its completion, the sage revealed the true purpose of my affinity. "The world is on the brink of a great upheaval," he told me one evening, as we sat by a crackling fire. "There are forces that seek to disrupt the balance of our realm, to tear the very fabric of reality apart. You, Li Wei, are the key to preventing this catastrophe. Your mastery of space will allow you to combat these threats and restore harmony."
With a newfound sense of purpose, I returned to the world, ready to face the challenges ahead. News of my abilities had spread, and many were eager to test their strength against mine. I joined a prestigious sect, the Azure Dragon School, where I quickly rose through the ranks, earning the respect and admiration of my peers.
However, not everyone welcomed my rise. Rival sects and power-hungry individuals saw me as a threat. They conspired against me, challenging me to duels and sending assassins in the dead of night. Each encounter pushed me to refine my skills further, to unlock new depths of my potential.
The real test came when an ancient evil, long thought to be sealed away, began to stir. The barriers between dimensions weakened, and malevolent spirits and creatures poured into our world. Chaos reigned as sects united to fight the encroaching darkness. I stood at the forefront of this battle, using my mastery of space to turn the tide.
In the final confrontation, I faced the Dark Overlord, a being of immense power and malice. Our battle raged across dimensions, tearing through the fabric of reality itself. The Overlord was formidable, but I had something he did not: the wisdom and training of the Sage of the Void. I used every technique, every ounce of my strength, to combat him.
In the climactic moment, I drew upon the deepest reserves of my power, creating a spatial anomaly that trapped the Overlord in a timeless void. With a final, desperate effort, I sealed the rift, restoring balance to our world.
Exhausted but victorious, I returned to my sect. The world hailed me as a hero, the savior who had prevented the collapse of reality. Yet, I knew my journey was far from over. The Art of Space was still a mystery, with countless secrets yet to be uncovered. I continued my training, driven by the knowledge that as long as I drew breath, I would protect my world from any threat.
In a realm where martial arts are everything, I, Li Wei, stand as the master of the most enigmatic and powerful art of all: the Art of Space. My journey is eternal, my purpose clear, and my resolve unbreakable. The legacy of the Sage of the Void lives on in me, and I will ensure that balance is maintained, no matter the cost.

I [F23] moved away from home to different country (australia )since i was a teenager, now i’m married with a toddler.
I was born and raised in Vietnam. I didn’t have the worst childhood, It was bad but not the worst, I was actually spoiled they gave me everything i wanted but from my memory i spent half of my childhood with a nanny. My parents would go out drinking with friends, benders, .. i would wake up upset next to my nanny knowing my parents didn’t come home the night before. When i was in pre school i had a competition out of town , when it was over i remember walking to the front to see my parents and none of them were there while the other kids were getting picked up, i stood there alone for a good 10 minutes and my teacher offered to take me home and 10 minutes later they showed up, turned out they were drinking with friends somewhere , i had to come with them and they made me sit at a separate table to wait. As a kid it felt terrible. All of my birthday parties were theirs , they would drink with friends till off their head and it was never about me. Travelling, i loved travelling, but yes of course they would also be off their head every time we traveled, and guess where i had to be? either at a separate table or in a hotel room alone. I spent most of the time staying in so i never got so see or experience and anything. Looking back it hurts my heart so much because i would never do that to my kids . Years later there was one time when i was in primary my mum forgot to pick me up from school and i had to walk home.. she was drunk and there was no apology whatsoever. When i was in year6 ( 12 years old) i was locked outside until 12am because my parents were drinking somewhere, I called them multiple times but they didn’t care so i had to ride my bike to their drinking spot, i was so angry that i threw my bike on the side of the road and my dad slapped me in the face twice in front of their friends for ‘embarrassing’ them, he then took me home and grabbed me by my hair and continued to beat me up. I don’t think i remember the exact amount of time they abused and neglected me when they were drunk
Now i have my own family in a different country, I don’t see them as often anymore but we still have a good relationship. They wanted to visit us and I tidied up the place for them, planned the week as i wanted to show them around ( they’ve never been here before) I was very excited because i missed them . On their first day here i took them out for lunch, when my family and I showed up there was 2 of their friends (who are also Vietnamese but live in Australia) sitting at the table, so there wasn’t room for us we had to sit at a seperate one. Family lunch was ruined as i expected it to be bonding time between us. My parents then decided to leave with them to go out drinking. Like on your first day here? Seriously? My toddler was so sad because she really wanted to spend with her grandparents and they knew that but they didn’t care, they wanted to prioritise drinking with friends first. I had a go at them saying that they were selfish , inconsiderate and unappreciative, and that they should’ve not put their friends first over family since we see each other once every couple years!! All of a sudden it felt like i was my younger self once again getting neglected, resenting my parents. They then got angry at me wanting to book a flight home because ‘ they don’t enjoy it here’ . I haven’t spoken to them since and apparently they’re actually leaving tomorrow. Do I just let them leave?

Previous chapter
“I hate it.”
Mareus slapped his mouth and bit down on his lips in a futile attempt to capture his half-asleep words. His body tensed while listening for any signs of the stranger, bracing himself for some monster of a person to come rushing from the dark to finish him off.
Though, it didn’t matter in the end if they were paying attention to him or not. They clearly already knew where he was and, for some reason, chose to leave him alone after pulling him from the rubble and treating his injuries.
He clutched at his stomach, his hunger pangs goading him to push aside the anxiety and crawl his way towards the bowl still waiting patiently for him. There were no signs of it being changed or infested by any of the creatures hiding away, in fact, a gentle warmth still radiated from it. A pleasant aroma floated through the still air as if it had a will of its own, enticing him like some carnivorous flower lying in wait.
Mareus ignored his pain and fatigue as he absentmindedly made his way closer to the beckoning meal. What was he so worried about? If the stranger hadn’t done anything yet, then they probably weren’t going to from the start. It wasn’t like he was in any state to resist them anyway.
That’s right. He justified. It’s just sitting there, waiting for me.
The bowl was only a breath away now. Mareus stretched against his bandages enough for the wrappings around his fingers to brush the rim before the markings let out a faint light and constricted his body. He was almost there and wouldn’t give up, one more time he resisted their binding and was able to hook his finger on the inside of the rim.
Putting all the strength he had into the one finger he fought against the rough, uneven ground to reel in his catch. A faint glow lit up the black stone and his heart stopped before his restraints forced his arm back. Spilling his only food in a mocking halo as the bowl rolled on its side.
That was it, his only food mixed in with the wet dirt of the cave floor. He almost dove at it before realizing the intense hunger and drive he had was now fading away. His hunger was still there to some degree, but now it was more like an emptiness scratching at the back of his stomach. The overwhelming desire to eat was almost entirely gone.
A faint breeze brought his attention back to the bowl and he watched as markings like the ones on his bandages let out one last dim breath of light. When they went dark his hunger returned to the back of his mind.
After crawling back into his hole, the cave was filled with the sounds of hundreds of insects rushing over and feasting on the spilled meal. The echoes of chitin tapping on stone and trudging through the mush assaulting his ears. Covering his ears only replaced their frenzy with the sound of his blood flowing through his ears.
Mareus alternated between listening to the rhythmic thumps lulling him to sleep and the chittering that convinced him, more than once, that the insects had crawled in his ears. The minutes drawing into hours, maybe even days, as reason began slipping away.
A gentle clack of wood being placed on stone silenced the world.
He carefully rolled over and saw another bowl, the insects were gone, the mess was cleaned. It was like everything that happened was a dream, only this time he didn’t have this unnatural drive compelling him to reach the bowl.
Whatever the markings were meant to do, this one didn’t seem to have them. He watched as the cave life made their way back to his food. They didn’t attack it right away this time, instead they circled their prey waiting for the right time. Mareus closed his eyes and focused on listening for their movements when he heard a damp thud that must have been one of them falling in the food.
That sound must have been the signal the rest were waiting for because they converged on the meal and devoured with a gluttony he didn’t know they were capable of. Despite the gut churning sounds, he focused on every bit as he counted his heart beat.
Two thousand four hundred and twenty…seven.
The cave had finally settled down again as the insects returned to their hiding places. Mareus kept counting though, he had to stay focused so he could figure out how to tell when the stranger was coming. He had no idea how often they came by but he needed to learn anything he could if he wanted to make it back home.
Twenty-eight thousand seven hundred and ninety-five.
Muffled steps approached the bowl and wordlessly replaced it with another, the gentle clank dancing around the cave walls. Words wanted to leave his mouth, to ask the stranger questions, to make demands. But, what would he say, what could he say?
Mareus’ chest tightened as he tried to find the words, his mind struggling with the growing distraction of the empty feeling in his stomach. They were gone as silently as they arrived.
He started counting again. Using the hunger pangs to fight his body’s cries for sleep he waited out another four or five changes of the bowl. He couldn’t remember exactly anymore as his guard lightened and the exhaustion wrapped around him like a warm blanket. Against his best effort sleep finally took him.
The elders were watching over the younger generations going about their routines. The whole village was in the middle of doing their morning exercises with the sunrise, the bigger clans and families had their yards filled with people flowing from stance to stance, while the smaller families gathered in front of the Elder’s Hall or practiced in their gardens.
Before he knew it, Mareus was running errands and was racing pass villagers tending to fields of medicinal herbs and vegetables while guards kept their eyes on the edge of the forest for any signs of wild beasts.
Then one day a doctor from some big sect visited them and told him that he had the cure to his diverted meridians. The village elders held a big celebration in front of their hall and they had a special ceremony where Granny Hua accepted him as a disciple. When he looked out to the crowd, the sun shone on hundreds of smiling faces.
Tears ran down his face as he smiled and waved at everyone. The salty taste made the world shimmer like a painting being washed away.
Please don’t go. He thought.
The infection of reality found its way into his heart and the dream continued to shimmer before warping and twisting the scene from before.
Mountains of rubble replaced the beautiful homes that stood for generations. One after another the people fell while letting out muted screams. Smoke began to fill the air like some ghostly fog and ash painted the now faceless bodies strewn everywhere. Bodiless cries fought with one another to be helped.
Mareus fell to his knees at the center of the destruction while pleading. “Please, don’t do this. Don’t take them from me again.”
The one eyed man towered over him, tall enough for his hair to brush the clouds. The evil in his clenched grin poured out like a thick miasma that choked him as he watched Sister Mai rushing over.
He tried to scream at her to stay away but his voice was now completely cut off. Mareus now stood over himself watching the helpless child he truly was, he followed his own pleading gaze and turned to watch a young woman he recognized but couldn’t place at the moment.
She picked up a piece of a wooden beam and charged at him, her tears turning to blood as she let out a voiceless scream.
Mareus quickly searched the sky for his enemy, Where are they? Why is it so quiet?
When he looked back down his arm was through the back of the woman and he finally recognized the angry face staring daggers at him as the light left her eyes.
He watched as the giant man turned back to him and let Mai’s lifeless body fall to the ground. The crimson drenching the monster’s hand leaking and painting his own with the blood of the woman he called his big sister.
The one eyed man shot into the air and the force of the impact shook him awake.
It was easier to fight his exhaustion this time as he waited for the stranger to replace the bowl. When they replaced it this time, they lingered as if they wanted to say something. This time the anger and pain he felt didn’t let him hesitate.
“Wh-“ His dry unused voice turned into a breath. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Why…”
The effort of forcing that whisper was already difficult, he wanted to say so much more. He couldn’t tell if they were still waiting in the dark, or if they were even willing to listen. His voice was clawing to get out, he was tired of waiting.
His skin buzzed as he waited and moistened his throat. The question was out there now, at least the most important part. ‘Why?’ There was so much more racing through his mind that he could add while the presence remained silent.
Why me? What made you save me? Why didn’t you leave me with them? Why do I have to be alone?
An unseen pressure grew in the dark as his question went unanswered. It was like the chill he would get coming back late at night and he felt like something was watching him from the forest, waiting to pounce. It kept growing sharper until a sudden cool warmth touched the nape of his neck and gingerly ran down the length of his back.
A cold, yet familiar feeling voice finally broke the silence. “It would be a waste. Letting such a potential vanish from this world.”
The stranger brushed the matted hair from his neck. Their simple and straightforward gesture giving off the feeling of a beast playing with its catch knowing it could kill it at anytime.
“I feel for your loss, truly. My heart aches for the ill fate that placed those ‘experts’ in your home. I couldn’t allow your path to end because of a game between mere children.” Their voice danced between compassionate and venomous.
The gentle pressure of them rubbing his back relaxed him and Mareus became even more aware of how tired and sore his body was. Although, as they continued it felt like everything faded away. Not so much as if he was being relieved of everything, it was more like everything was being taken away and swallowed by a void that wouldn’t make him take it back.
Mareus sat up slowly and with a hoarse voice he asked. “What makes me so special?” He inhaled, “Why didn’t you stop them?!” His scream tore into his lungs and filled his throat with the taste of iron.
Water filled his eyes as he faced the disembodied presence.
The stranger gently embraced him, their cool robes enveloping him. “Poor child.”
“You could have saved all of th-em.” His trembling voice couldn’t hide the pain any longer. Still, Mareus stared through blurry eyes and did his best to look them in the face.
A thin hand brushed away his tears. “My sweet boy, I’m sorry I couldn’t be there sooner. Their battle had already moved south, and what they left behind…” They trailed off.
While wrapped in their arms he listened to the grief in their voice. Unsure of what to think anymore. Why did they wait so long? Why did they leave me here in the dark? Were they hurt too? Mareus found himself wondering if he was being selfish.
“Before I could chase after them, I sensed the faint trace of your life clinging on to any shred of hope. After digging you out and applying some emergency medicine I lost track of their energies. Instead of searching for them I made the decision to at least make sure you survived.”
Mareus realized that there was something ethereal in the way they talked. Their tone wasn’t distant, but at the same time it felt like they were a world away from him. The image of a mother apologizing for something she wasn’t responsible for popped in his mind.
His body began to feel lighter than it had been since he woke up in the cave. “Thank you.” He relented.
He gingerly wiped away his tears as if testing if his body would suddenly start listening to him. When he opened them again, the dark world that surrounded him expanded and he could now see all the way to the other wall of the cave.
Am I really not in the afterlife? He thought.
The formless shadow of his savior was replaced with a celestial fairy that stepped out from one of Elder Guo’s stories and descended into this pit to comfort him. She wore a snow white hanfu with a wide sash that hugged tightly against her. The sleeves and hem were far longer than normal like if the seamstress forgot to remove the excess material.
Her otherworldly appearance stood out against the darkness with her iridescent skin illuminating the cave. Her shadow like hair, even darker than the surroundings blackness. She looked like a master craftsman had picked the most exquisite material to craft a lifelike doll that would shatter if you looked at it the wrong way. Only to the fill that doll with the essence of deepest parts of the night sky.
Mareus completely forgot his fatigue as he collapsed into a bow and laid his head to the floor. In an attempt to imitate the older members of his village when speaking to the elders, he said. “I apologize for being so disrespectful. I humbly want to thank the generous immortal for saving this life.”
His body trembled from the effort of supporting his weight, but he continued to wait as sweat formed on the back of his neck and ran down his face. Unsure of what this heaven-like being would do to him if he had disrespected her further.
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