Hello everyone. 24, Male, 270lbs, 5'11", quit smoking like 2-3 months ago.
So I'll start from the beginning. On June 22nd 2023 I moved to USA from a country in Europe. Everything ok at first, no issues at all. Used to live with a couple of people and it was all good. On October 1st I moved to another state where i was alone.
It was around March when I started feeling dizzy, vision was "blurry" like my peripheral vision was somehow bothering me and I was tired. I've been to an Urgent Care where they took some blood samples and did an XRAY of my chest. I posted pics with them but they looked like they are okay (normal for a 270lbs man).
After, I went to a cardiologist that did an echocardiogram and an EKG. He said everything is fine and gave me some Meclizine 12.5mg for dizziness.
Went to get my eyes checked for my peripheral vision and they said it's also okay. When I try to read something I just lose my focus also.
A week went by and some friends from my country visited me. During their stay I felt nothing, it felt like I had zero issues. They left and time passed by. Last week, May 10th I got a bit sick, with a sore throat, I lost my voice for like a day or two, had a little bit of fever but felt better after.
The problem now is the following. My blood pressure (I've been monitoring it home) ranges from 120/70 to 150/90(for example when I take it the first time might be 150/90 but after 5 minutes it can be 140/80 for example). My throat goes sore like I'm hoarse before going to sleep and when I wake up, but during the day is ok. I have crazy shortness of breath now, my eyes are again bothering me like I feel that something it's not normal.
When I do some effort, even the slightly effort I just can't breathe. Yesterday I went up 10 stairs, down 10 stairs and lost my breath. Went back in the apartment so I can take my blood pressure out of curiosity when I couldn't breathe and it was 180/99/89. When I do workout in the gym, the first minute cuts my breath but then I am not tired at all, I am okay and I can breathe normally, it's only that I'm just yawning quite frequently. After the stairs incident yesterday, been to the gym, did my workout cardio, climbed 11 floors and 5 min after my workout I took my blood pressure and it was around 140/80 (forgot to save it). Also when I press with my finger in the middle of my sternum, kinda hurts a bit but it feels like it's the bone that hurts from the pressure.
I will post pics with the EKG, Echo, Carotid Duplex, Blood Samples, everything.
People told me it's literally from anxiety/stress since I am alone and so far away from family. What should I do? The shortness of breath that I have right now I can really feel it, and it's bothering me so much.
BTW, I want to mention that I have a cat and we live in the same room, but I don't think it's from the cat.
Thank you very much!
There are the pictures with everything.

(See update at the end) Some context before I (32m) get into the situation as I feel it's important to how I reacted. I have been in two situations, one as a 6-year-old and at 28, that involved women and unwanted touching and beyond in both occasions I have been powerless as a child or incapacitated as an adult like unable to control my bowels or bladder kind of incapacitated. Both my wife and my guest are aware of my past. I'm trying to keep this broad stroke so as not to violate any rules, but again I think this context is important.
So on to the current situation. We currently have a (26f) friend who is living out of a tent, and we often invite her over so she can do laundry, shower, and other hygiene tasks. In this instance, I decided to hop onto my computer and play some games while she did her stuff and hung out with the wife while I chatted back and forth with them a bit. As she wrapped up her visit, she approached me from behind and hit me with a hairbrush not hard just to get my attention. It for sure startled me, and I did snap at her telling her to stop. I looked up at her from my chair, and she does it again, and I tell her to stop again while making direct eye contact with her, which she doesn't doing it once more and then demanding I hug her, which I refuse to do, telling her very clearly "fuck no, I don't want to touch you," and I follow that up with if you keep going like this I'm going to kick you out. She gives me a kinda laugh and says whatever, I'm leaving anyway and then touches me again.
I get to my feet now both extremely panicky feeling and angry we have a bit of a scuffle not a fight, and I end up shouting at her to leave and not come back. I felt entirely violated in my own home during all this, but both her and my wife insist it was just a game and she did not mean it despite me telling her no repeatedly and both my wife and the guest hearing it. I'm for sure not saying my behavior was great, and I've been seeking long-term treatment to help with my issues both mainly being PTSD related to my time as an Army MP and the events mentioned in my personal life. Despite that, I 100% should not have acted in anger like I did.
So am I wrong for feeling the way I do? Or is the wife and the guest right and it was just a game and she didn't mean it.
EDIT: to be 100% upfront it escalated and I reacted (badly) physicality was involved but as also pointed out I was near panicked and overwhelmed due to my past.
EDIT 2: EDIT: Gonna try and respond to a few more posts then I've gotta have a break. I do thank everyone that took the time to write out comments or interact with me.
Edit 3?: My husband gave me access to this account, and I told him I wrote down my perspective. When I asked if I should add it, he said "it's up to you." So here it is.
Our friend approached my husband, who was playing an online cooperative action game on his computer, at his desk. I was sitting on the couch about 8 feet behind them, waiting for my friend to be ready for me to drive her home. She was wearing a long night shirt with a loose v-neck. She stood at his left side peripheral for about 2 seconds before she tapped the back of her hairbrush firmly against the side of his left shoulder. I immediately was not comfortable with this, as I don't tend to engage in horseplay unless someone else has repeatedly demonstrated to me that it's a method of expression that they like and want. I do enjoy my husband's frequent physicality with me, including picking me up or tickling me. My friend and husband have engaged in horseplay on many occasions before, tickling, poking at one another's stomach, and playfully throwing soft objects. This often included my friend's fiance, who usually only reciprocated with my friend. I will frequently smack my husband on the butt, but only when I am sure he is in a mood to be okay with it.
My husband said, "Hey, I'm busy," and didn't turn to her at first. She hit him again with the brush in the same spot, and my husband said "stop" in a normal voice, and my friend responded, saying "give me a hug (which we almost always all do at the end of visits). I don't remember if she hit him again, because he said (and I'm going to paraphrase, because at this point I began to get alarmed, and was only listening to the tone of his voice, and less to his words, unfortunately) that if she didn't stop, he'd make her leave. She said lightly that it didn't matter anyway; she was leaving. At this point, I realized by her teasing tone that she didn't understand how upset he was getting, which I did understand, through years of experience with his tone of voice and what it means. He didn't raise his voice, and I could hear that he was attempting to remain casual as he said something else, ending with "my dude" but that she had really pushed him past the point of anger and I didn't think she realized it. She put her hand on his shoulder, and he said "I don't want to fucking touch you now" and he stood up, and grabbed her by the neck of her shirt, pulling her foreward, and then put both hands around her throat, and I saw his hands tense, as he leaned down into her face and told her to leave the house and never come back. He pushed her backwards and she started to cry, and put her head down, hurrying to get pick up her things. My husband sat back down at his desk and didn't say anything else until I told him I was going to take the friend home and I'd be back, and he said "sure." The friend cried during the ride home, and her voice was harsh, but I wasn't sure if it was stress or physical. She did have marks on her throat, but those faded over the next few hours. She asked me repeatedly why he got so upset, and if anything was different, and I did point out to her that he said "stop," and she said that she thought it was part of the play. When I returned home, my husband did not seem upset, and seemed more relaxed than before, although he seemed nervous about my response to the situation. He said that he didn't remember putting his hands around her throat when I told him that he did.
My thoughts about this are that: 1) horseplaying with people with trauma, which all three of us have, to various degrees and in various forms, is potentially dangerous, and I'm frequently uncomfortable when it happens, although I often don't say anything, as I'm usually the odd one out when it comes to initiating social teasing, although I often enjoy receiving it.
2.) Our friend should have stopped at the word stop. I don't know why she didn't, but I don't think it was out of malice, because she genuinely did not seem to see how she was provoking him.
3.) Her actions were inappropriate, in my opinion, but his were potentially life-threatening and the fact that he didn't remember what he did was alarming. I am concerned that this will happen again, and he will have charges pressed in a situation where he is the first physical aggressor. This would be even worse if he inadvertently harms someone, and the escalation of force combined with memory issues in this latest case makes me worry that it might happen.
4.) I possibly could have prevented this from happening by being quicker stopping her or by getting between them, but I know from experience that once he has a grip on someone, I'm not strong enough to break it, and he ignores my presence or physically shakes me off if I try. He ignores my words entirely at these times. I expected her to see that he was upset before he snapped, because it seemed obvious to me, but she didn't, and I have no idea why. She's had lots of trauma of her own (as have I, including SA) in the past (and, like me, has worked in jobs that revolve around dealing with people dealing with trauma).

Summary

I competed for the first time at the USPA Drug Tested Emerald City Classic hosted by DOP Strength Gym in Kirkland, WA on May 18th, 2024.
Here's my Instagram post with videos of my third attempts and a photo with my participation medal (I was the only 110kg submaster male lifter).
I went 9/9 with no red lights, broke my gym PRs on squat and deadlift, and had an awesome time. I competed in the submaster 110kg class in raw full power, weighed in (24h before) at 105.7 kg, and totaled 545kg. I planned to take very light openers, big jumps for my second attempts (15kg for squat and deadlift, 10kg for bench), and then smaller jumps (7.5kg for squat and deadlift, 5kg for bench) for my thirds, and I stuck to that plan. All of my lifts felt great and moved fast except for my third bench, which was a little bit of a grind. My strategy paid off because I had a much more enjoyable day going 9/9 a little light, compared to how I would have felt if I had missed any of my first or second attempts--which I saw happen to plenty of other lifters.
The gym was a little crowded with 60 lifters in 4 flights but the meet was super well run, with good vibes all around. The meet director was super clear at the rules briefing and the spotteloader crew absolutely hauled ass and the whole meet was over at 3 pm. I also got to see several master's lifters set state and national records, including a 72 year old woman, so that was awesome to watch.
My friend and training partner, who is an experienced master's lifter and meet judge, showed up to handle me and that made a huge difference in my experience. He really helped me a ton with understanding the pace, timing my warmups, loading the bar, chalking my back, cheering me on, telling me when to rest, eat, hydrate, everything. He really did a fantastic job.

Prep

I took Steve DeNovi's free 3x Bench - Conventional Deadlift program and ran Block 3 and the peaking block (10 weeks), with modifications to the accessory selection and split to make it 4 days a week. My weekly split was:

• Mon: Primary squat, OHP, pull ups, bicep curls
• Tue: Primary bench, secondary deadlift (cluster singles), chest supported rows, face pulls, tricep pushdowns
• Thu: Secondary squat, paused squat, tertiary bench (Larsen press), lat pulldowns, DB incline press
• Fri: Primary deadlift, paused deadlift, secondary bench, bent over rows, lateral raises

I really enjoyed this program and got a lot out of it. I felt like the peak timing was just right for my meet.

Squat

Squats felt great in prep. My training max for the first block was 425 lbs and I upped it to 435 for the second block. I didn't feel like I under or overshot any of my prep lifts, my RPEs felt accurate.
There was a little confusion about whether squats would be done on a 25kg squat bar or a 20kg power bar, but they ended up using the 20kg Kabuki power bar. The knurling felt great on my back.

1. 170kg. The main thing in my head was to take my time setting up, which I did, and I think it helped calm my nerves. When I unracked, the bar tilted to the right slightly, but I was able to level it out as I walked out. Stance felt solid, got a strong brace, weight felt light and moved fast.
2. 185kg. Better unrack. Felt lighter than I expected.
3. 192.5kg. Beat my gym PR of 415lbs. My handler said my third looked like it moved better than my second. I felt a cramp in my right inner hamstring as I locked it out though, and it's feeling sore today. I felt in control the whole rep but I think I kinda dive-bombed it and went a little too deep and that over-stretched my hammie. Looking back at the videos, I think I rushed the descent on all my squats, even though I had been practicing a slower descent during prep. Something to work on cleaning up before my next meet.

Bench

I kind of wrote off bench for this meet since I made poor progress in prep. For the first 5 week block my training max was 265 lbs and I felt like I was undershooting, so I increased it to 275 lbs, but once I started hitting singles at 250+ they weren't moving well and my butt started coming off the bench. I fixed that issue late in prep by setting my feet further back. My left shoulder had also been bothering me a bit lately, plus I started getting some tennis elbow on my left from the bent over rows or something. So I went with attempts I knew for sure I could hit, and didn't get too excited for bench. I also really felt that bench was a natural "valley" between the peaks of squat and deadlift, in terms of the energy level of the meet.

1. 100kg. A gimme attempt just to practice the commands for real.
2. 110kg. This was the best bench single I've had lately--setup, foot placement, arch, unrack, controlled descent, pause, and press, everything felt solid and it went up so fast that my friend who was working the scoring table shouted "Put some weight on the bar!"
3. 115kg. Unrack felt great, controlled eccentric and pause felt good, got a fast press command, but I think my back slipped a little on the pad, which was kind of slick, and I didn't get enough leg drive, and forgot to cue bar path, so I pressed it straight up off my chest and hit a sticking point, then my back cramped up and my arms started shaking. I barely got it locked out. I originally wanted to aim for 120kg on my third attempt but now I'm glad I didn't because I for sure would have missed it.

I'm pretty satisfied with just getting 9 white lights on bench because I was so worried about my butt popping up or having a brain fart and jumping the start or rack command, and those things didn't happen.

Deadlift

Deadlifts are my best event (long arms) and the pauses and cluster singles in DeNovi's program really helped dial in my setup and make me stronger off the floor. Having access to a deadlift bar in training was nice, as the whip might have thrown me off if I had only ever trained on a stiff bar. Liquid chalk + hook grip + Kabuki bar = unlimited grip.
Toward the end of prep I changed my setup to get rid of my dynamic "hip pump" wedge and just sink straight into my starting position, set my hook grip, and just patiently "leg press the floor away." This change really paid off because it helped me get the most out of the deadlift bar and made my lockouts a breeze.
I was worried about the back cramp during my third bench interfering with my deadlift, but as I started warming up, my back felt fine, however I was feeling that third squat in my right hamstring. Thankfully the pain subsided once I got warm again.

1. 215kg. Felt light, as it should have, like a last warmup. Not much else to say.
2. 230kg. My handler said "earn your third attempt!" I executed my setup and pull exactly like my first attempt and was surprised by how fast it broke the floor and how easy the lockout was. I heard someone say "that's a good hinge!"
3. 237.5kg. I almost went for 240 but kept it conservative because I was worried about my hamstring. I kinda regret holding back now. I took a couple extra seconds to build up a really hard brace before methodically executing my setup. Just as the bar passed my knees they shook a little, and the crowd started cheering for me, but the bar didn't slow down at all so I knew I had it in the bag for 9/9 and just felt ecstatic.

A spectator walked up to me afterward and gave me a really good compliment--he said my deadlifts looked like a hydraulic machine!

Next steps

Now that this meet's behind me, my main training priority will be getting my bench up. I'm going to reevaluate my approach to frequency, volume, specific vs. hypertrophy work, and my diet.
For squat, I think I'll continue doing pauses and maybe add tempo descent work or something to break my dive-bombing habit because I don't want to pull a hammy with a heavier weight at my next meet.
My deadlift feels locked in, so I'm not going to fix what isn't broken. I want to work in some RDLs in my offseason since I haven't done them in a while, but that's it.
There's another USPA meet at the same venue in late September which is kinda soon but I'm really tempted to do it so I can go in more confident, open a little higher, set some new meet PRs, and get my money's worth with this USPA membership. It's about 17 weeks away now so that's enough time to have a few weeks of offseason before another prep cycle.

I haven’t had a period in a year. But every month at the same time I get brown discharge and extreme fatigue and sore throat at the same time that last a couple days. It’s not enough to need a pad or tampon. Do you think this is hormone related? It’s so bad that I have to take off work because I sleep non stop.

(See update at the end) Some context before I (32m) get into the situation as I feel it's important to how I reacted. I have been in two situations, one as a 6-year-old and at 28, that involved women and unwanted touching and beyond in both occasions I have been powerless as a child or incapacitated as an adult like unable to control my bowels or bladder kind of incapacitated. Both my wife and my guest are aware of my past. I'm trying to keep this broad stroke so as not to violate any rules, but again I think this context is important.
So on to the current situation. We currently have a (26f) friend who is living out of a tent, and we often invite her over so she can do laundry, shower, and other hygiene tasks. In this instance, I decided to hop onto my computer and play some games while she did her stuff and hung out with the wife while I chatted back and forth with them a bit. As she wrapped up her visit, she approached me from behind and hit me with a hairbrush not hard just to get my attention. It for sure startled me, and I did snap at her telling her to stop. I looked up at her from my chair, and she does it again, and I tell her to stop again while making direct eye contact with her, which she doesn't doing it once more and then demanding I hug her, which I refuse to do, telling her very clearly "fuck no, I don't want to touch you," and I follow that up with if you keep going like this I'm going to kick you out. She gives me a kinda laugh and says whatever, I'm leaving anyway and then touches me again.
I get to my feet now both extremely panicky feeling and angry we have a bit of a scuffle not a fight, and I end up shouting at her to leave and not come back. I felt entirely violated in my own home during all this, but both her and my wife insist it was just a game and she did not mean it despite me telling her no repeatedly and both my wife and the guest hearing it. I'm for sure not saying my behavior was great, and I've been seeking long-term treatment to help with my issues both mainly being PTSD related to my time as an Army MP and the events mentioned in my personal life. Despite that, I 100% should not have acted in anger like I did.
So am I wrong for feeling the way I do? Or is the wife and the guest right and it was just a game and she didn't mean it.
EDIT: to be 100% upfront it escalated and I reacted (badly) physicality was involved but as also pointed out I was near panicked and overwhelmed due to my past.
EDIT 2: EDIT: Gonna try and respond to a few more posts then I've gotta have a break. I do thank everyone that took the time to write out comments or interact with me.
Edit 3?: My husband gave me access to this account, and I told him I wrote down my perspective. When I asked if I should add it, he said "it's up to you." So here it is.
Our friend approached my husband, who was playing an online cooperative action game on his computer, at his desk. I was sitting on the couch about 8 feet behind them, waiting for my friend to be ready for me to drive her home. She was wearing a long night shirt with a loose v-neck. She stood at his left side peripheral for about 2 seconds before she tapped the back of her hairbrush firmly against the side of his left shoulder. I immediately was not comfortable with this, as I don't tend to engage in horseplay unless someone else has repeatedly demonstrated to me that it's a method of expression that they like and want. I do enjoy my husband's frequent physicality with me, including picking me up or tickling me. My friend and husband have engaged in horseplay on many occasions before, tickling, poking at one another's stomach, and playfully throwing soft objects. This often included my friend's fiance, who usually only reciprocated with my friend. I will frequently smack my husband on the butt, but only when I am sure he is in a mood to be okay with it.
My husband said, "Hey, I'm busy," and didn't turn to her at first. She hit him again with the brush in the same spot, and my husband said "stop" in a normal voice, and my friend responded, saying "give me a hug (which we almost always all do at the end of visits). I don't remember if she hit him again, because he said (and I'm going to paraphrase, because at this point I began to get alarmed, and was only listening to the tone of his voice, and less to his words, unfortunately) that if she didn't stop, he'd make her leave. She said lightly that it didn't matter anyway; she was leaving. At this point, I realized by her teasing tone that she didn't understand how upset he was getting, which I did understand, through years of experience with his tone of voice and what it means. He didn't raise his voice, and I could hear that he was attempting to remain casual as he said something else, ending with "my dude" but that she had really pushed him past the point of anger and I didn't think she realized it. She put her hand on his shoulder, and he said "I don't want to fucking touch you now" and he stood up, and grabbed her by the neck of her shirt, pulling her foreward, and then put both hands around her throat, and I saw his hands tense, as he leaned down into her face and told her to leave the house and never come back. He pushed her backwards and she started to cry, and put her head down, hurrying to get pick up her things. My husband sat back down at his desk and didn't say anything else until I told him I was going to take the friend home and I'd be back, and he said "sure." The friend cried during the ride home, and her voice was harsh, but I wasn't sure if it was stress or physical. She did have marks on her throat, but those faded over the next few hours. She asked me repeatedly why he got so upset, and if anything was different, and I did point out to her that he said "stop," and she said that she thought it was part of the play. When I returned home, my husband did not seem upset, and seemed more relaxed than before, although he seemed nervous about my response to the situation. He said that he didn't remember putting his hands around her throat when I told him that he did.
My thoughts about this are that: 1) horseplaying with people with trauma, which all three of us have, to various degrees and in various forms, is potentially dangerous, and I'm frequently uncomfortable when it happens, although I often don't say anything, as I'm usually the odd one out when it comes to initiating social teasing, although I often enjoy receiving it.
2.) Our friend should have stopped at the word stop. I don't know why she didn't, but I don't think it was out of malice, because she genuinely did not seem to see how she was provoking him.
3.) Her actions were inappropriate, in my opinion, but his were potentially life-threatening and the fact that he didn't remember what he did was alarming. I am concerned that this will happen again, and he will have charges pressed in a situation where he is the first physical aggressor. This would be even worse if he inadvertently harms someone, and the escalation of force combined with memory issues in this latest case makes me worry that it might happen.
4.) I possibly could have prevented this from happening by being quicker stopping her or by getting between them, but I know from experience that once he has a grip on someone, I'm not strong enough to break it, and he ignores my presence or physically shakes me off if I try. He ignores my words entirely at these times. I expected her to see that he was upset before he snapped, because it seemed obvious to me, but she didn't, and I have no idea why. She's had lots of trauma of her own (as have I, including SA) in the past (and, like me, has worked in jobs that revolve around dealing with people dealing with trauma).

I believed in fairies as a kid. More than believed in them. I think something terrible happened to me, and I've just buried it until now.
Call me a typical emotion-bottling man, but I have never considered therapy. No matter what I went through, no matter how many times I thought to myself, verbatim, that I should talk to someone about this, I just never thought of it as an option. It simply wasn't on my roster. It was just one of those things that existed on a separate plane of existence than I was living in, never to cross paths or interact lest the universe collapse in on itself.
I have no problem with therapy, don't get me wrong. It isn't like I don't understand the overall appeal. I have plenty of friends who swear by it, swear it has helped them tremendously, including my wife. It just wasn't ever something I thought was in my cards.
"I just never really thought about it," I told Alice one evening, when she had brought the topic up once again after dinner.
There was a serene sense of peace wafting through the entire house that day, and I was feeling content. It was a Sunday, and swimming season, so we had dropped Emmie off that morning at the public pool for practice and gone straight to our favorite breakfast place. The rest of the day was filled with all the conversation that had built up over the week, all the topics we couldn't fully dig into with each other while babysitting our eight year old, and lounging, all crammed in between sporadic bursts of housework and paperwork we had to catch up on. It was the perfect day, in my humble opinion. It was a lovely moment of peace in the midst of a chaotic life, as is life with kids. And now the sounds of Mario Kart drifted in from the living room, Emmie's squeals cutting through the cheery music every now and then, causing Alice and I to share small smiles of acknowledgement.
Oh, to be a child again. Still a little drenched from a post-swimming shower, full of chili, eyes glowing with the reflection of a television screen.
"Well, maybe you should." My wife was scooping leftover chili into a Tupperware with a ladle. Her hair had been tied up like it was every day after dinner, as if she planned to run a marathon rather than do the cleaning up. She wasn't looking at me, dialed into the task at hand.
It's crazy how some parts of my memory could be so good, and others nonexistent.
I reached over from where I stood before the dishwasher, sliding my arm around her waist. She gave me a look, like, what?
"I just don't think it's for me, babe," I muttered, resting my mouth on her shoulder as if I was trying to skip her ears and speak right through her skin. "You know those things make me uncomfortable sometimes."
She let out a half groan, half sigh, setting down the container and the ladle and turning to face me, draping her arms over my shoulders.
"Everything makes you uncomfortable, John."
I smiled, letting my hands fall to her hips. I knew her frustrated act was just that, an act, at least for the most part.
"It's good for you," she continued pointedly, reaching up to tap her pointer finger against my forehead as I swayed her back and forth to a nonexistent tune. "Like medicine. And I know for a fact there are some things you need to work through."
I feigned offense. "You think I'm some kind of nut job?"
"Everyone needs therapy," she snarled, pulling out of my arms, but she didn't resist when I reached out and drew her back in. "Not just nut jobs."
And that was how most of those conversations went. Some got a little more heated, ending with a lightly slammed door (so as not to wake our daughter) and a whisper-shout of "this is why you need therapy!"
I feel I'm making it sound bad, but it wasn't. Even our more serious fights never quite felt like fights. They felt like playing. We were like two cats, biting and tackling and swishing our tails, but never baring our teeth to hiss. I never felt genuine, full-bodied anger towards her, and I knew she felt the same. It sounds sappy, but we were just very in love. I sometimes felt that we had never actually left the honeymoon phase.
I'm also making it sound like that conversation was incredibly common, and it wasn't. It came up maybe once every few months. I knew she was just looking out for me. She knew me better than anyone.
We had met through mutual friends, and we had initially bonded over our terrible childhoods. We both had moms who were out of the picture, and over emotional, over compensating dads, although this manifested in vastly different ways. Alice's mother left her father for a D-list rockstar type, following him on his state wide tour. She would sometimes send Alice letters or postcards from the road, although her dad wouldn't always let her keep them if they seemed to be stained with blood or seemed to have made contact with any strange white powders.
Her dad coped with anger. He never laid a hand on her, but his shouting and the sounds of glass bottles smashing against the walls kept her up almost every night. During the days he'd take her out, buy her things, go mini golfing and bowling and to the movies. Anything to seem more fun than her mother.
My mother passed away on my seventh birthday. She was driving home from work, which was at a law firm half an hour away from our house, when it began to rain. She was texting my dad her ETA when she ran a red light and a semi truck T-boned her, completely obliterating her car.
After that, everything changed. My seventh birthday could've been my twenty-first. At night it was the worst. I remember sitting with my dad as he cried, curled up in a sobbing ball on the filthy living room carpet, whimpering like a kicked puppy. He would scream and wail so loud the walls shook. He would say, over and over as if I wasn't hearing him, sometimes mumbling and sometimes shrieking, "She was cut in half. I'm sorry sir, she's gone. No, there's no chance she survived, she was completely cut in half."
The days were almost worse. During the day, when he could decrease the helpless wails into weeping at the very least, his attention turned to me. He tried to get something out of me, almost silently begging me to break down with him. Every other second it was, "How are you feeling, son? Do you understand what's happening? You poor thing, you must be devastated, your mommy is gone... Don't you want to cry?"
But I couldn't indulge, and I didn't want to. I had to wash the sheets, because he'd pissed them again, and I didn't want him to sleep in it and smell like pee when he took me to school the next day. I had to vacuum the carpet, so the next time he curled up on it and begged God to take him too, when he finally stood up, his cheek wouldn't be caked in crumbs and dust.
I don't know if I ever truly mourned. My mother's death was more like an absence, as if someone had taken a pair of scissors and carved a chunk out of my side, or snipped off a limb. I could still feel her, I could still talk to her, but all I got back was a deep ache and a crushing silence.
I hated how people reacted when I told them my mom was dead, and had been since I was a little boy. I hated the looks on their faces when they asked how she died, and when I told them. How their mouths fell open dumbly and their eyebrows twisted and contorted in sympathetic horror. "I'm so sorry, I didn't know," they said, as if there was vomit rising in their throats, and I wanted to say, "Well, you fucking asked, didn't you?"
Alice never reacted like that. In fact, she never really even asked me what happened. We were on our second date, nursing beers while leaning against the pool table a a dingy speakeasy, when she told me about her own mom. It was the first time in a long time I actually felt like the conversation was open, like I could respond and she would listen and care, but not too much. Not an uncomfortable amount. When I told her about my parents she didn't say anything, and her pretty face didn't contort. She leaned over the corner of the pool table and kissed me on the cheek, took my hand.
The day she found out she was pregnant, we promised each other to be better, to not let our child ever have to grieve alone or feel the very specific hopeless terror that only a parent can cause.
So maybe I should have listened to her. Maybe I should have gone to therapy the first time she brought it up, the first time she told me how it had helped her get through her own terrible memories. But if I'm being honest, I didn't think I had anything to get through. I had left it in the past, I had coped so far in my own somewhat crooked way, I didn't want to dig any of that back up. I didn't want to be put back in that place where I was expected to talk, to cry, to open up. It made my skin crawl just thinking about it.
"I was always the therapist," I would say to her with a crooked grin. "And I like it that way."
Then, the dreams started.
I could tell you I don't know what triggered them, I don't know why it was now. But that wouldn't be the truth. I know exactly why I started to remember.
At first, they were brief. Nightmares that I couldn't quite recall or explain, waking up disoriented and a little sick. The rest of my day would feel strange, like I was surrounded by a thick fog. Eventually, they started to wake me up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat and screaming, scaring the shit out of my wife. Once I ran to the bathroom and threw up, barely making it to the toilet. That was when the word "therapy" came up again.
It feels like I've been in a coma for twenty years, and I'm just waking up now.
It's so strange how different the world looks to a child.
I believed in fairies as a kid. Laugh it up if you want. When I turned four, my aunt brought me this book - we've all had one, I think. It was one of those huge hardcover books filled with information about something mythical, with little patches of fabric to simulate a mermaid's scales or a dragon's claw.
Mine was about fairies, and it was so real to me. My mom would sit up with me later than she probably should have, reading to me, placing my hand on the textures to feel. I wanted to know everything about them, I became obsessed, and naturally, my parents played along. They bought me toys, books... every year I had a fae themed birthday cake, and any kid who dared to giggle behind their hands weren't invited to next year's celebration.
When I was old enough to use the internet, supervised of course, I began further research. My mom helped me navigate Wikipedia first, and they had plenty of information to sustain me for a while. My interest turned from wings and magical powers to different types of fae from every corner of the earth, mushroom rings and their alleged distaste for iron. While I still wasn't very good at reading, I would just look at the pictures until she got home from work.
When my mom died, the fairy memorabilia began to amp up. My aunt bought me new books, gave them to me wrapped and tied with ribbons with tear filled eyes, and my dad brought them up whenever he thought I needed comforting and felt strong enough to leave the house. "Wanna go look in the forest for fairies, son?"
I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I began to worship the fairies. I was convinced they lived in the forest behind my house, just behind each tree I looked at, hiding from me. I would spend my weekends escaping into the woods with a bucket and a cheap pair of binoculars, positive that this time, this day, I would see one.
At night, when my dad finally passed out in his own puddle of tears and other bodily fluids, I would pray to them. I never believed in God, we weren't a particularly religious family, and besides, I had seen what good He had done for my dad thus far. But I believed in the fairies.
I asked them for help with my father. I asked them for peace. I asked them to bring her back to me.
They never answered.
Until they did.
It was a Friday. I remember now, I'm not sure how I could have forgotten. After school I had sprinted into the shade of the trees before my dad could stop me, gripping the hem of my shirt in my fist, the thin fabric bearing the weight of two handfuls of the shiniest silverware and most colorful buttons I could find in our dusty cabinets.
I had a plan that day. I was going to lure them to me.
My path began in a clearing where I thought a ring of mushrooms may have begun to grow... but even without that, it was just the perfect spot for fairies. I could picture them flitting between the trees, chirping to each other happily, picking wildflowers to weave into flower crowns.
I walked backwards all the way back to my bedroom window, dropping another item every few steps. When I got inside and looked out my window, I could see my trail of shiny things curve through the overgrown grass in our backyard and disappear into the trees.
I was so excited, I could hardly contain myself. Tonight, surely, they would come to me. They would show themselves, and they would help me. But after another few late hours of coddling my father, finally convincing him to drink some water and get in bed, I was exhausted. I completely forgot about my plan. When I got to my room I collapsed on my mattress, not even bothering to undress before I closed my eyes.
Then I heard it. The scratching.
I opened my eyes. The moonlight shining through my bedroom window casted strange shadows across my ceiling, shadows of the swaying grass and the creaking trees.
It was strangely silent, other than the sound. Usually there was lots of noise, or at the very least a few crickets, but not tonight. Tonight, I realized, I couldn't even hear the wind.
I sat up slowly, as if in a dream, and looked toward my window. I couldn't see anything out there, nothing glaringly obvious at least, that could be making that noise.
The scratching turned to a tap. Tap tap tap, like a fingernail against a glass. It had a playful air to it, like someone was saying, look over here!
I stood, rubbing my eyes, and stumbled over. The tapping stopped abruptly when I got to the window and peered outside, out to the dark yard, pitch black if not for the moon's glow. The grass didn't sway, the trees didn't creak. I frowned and unlatched the window, sliding it up above my head.
I was right, there was no wind. Not even a gust. Everything was still outside, like it was frozen. I actually started to believe it was frozen, that time had stopped completely somehow, before I saw it.
My trail of silverware and buttons. Sparkling softly in the moonlight.
Disappearing.
It began where the path met the trees, curving off where I couldn't follow it anymore. A fork disappeared right before my eyes, right on the edge. Just vanished, as if someone who was invisible had picked it up and stuffed it in a pocket very quickly.
Then another went, a spoon. Then a particularly large gold button. Whatever was taking them was doing what I had wanted, it was taking my bait, it was coming to me. And it was as if whatever had tapped at my window had wanted me to see this, wanted to show me.
But something felt very, very wrong.
This wasn't how I had pictured it. There was no twinkling, tiny winged thing at my window, winking at me before dashing back into the safety of the trees. There were no secrets being whispered in my ear, no fairy dust or promises of better things.
Something about this wasn't right. It felt like a mimicry, almost a mockery, of what I had imagined. Like something was trying to give me what I wanted, but was rusty at it.
I didn't want this anymore.
My stomach twisted and my hands shook as I pulled the window back down slowly, watching more glittery things disappear from the grass, growing closer and closer. As soon as it was closed I quickly locked it and pulled the blinds shut, turning my back to the window as if something would happen that I didn't want to see.
Nothing happened. The deafening silence continued for a few seconds as my ears strained to hear anything else happening outside. Then the wind picked up, and the sounds of crickets, muffled by my closed window, filled the night air.
I don't remember when I fell asleep that night, I just know I felt unnerved and jumpy for a while. I woke up the next morning feeling guilty. Had the fairies really come last night? Maybe they had come to talk to me, to bring me gifts, favors, and what had I done? I had closed my window on them. I felt ungrateful. Why had I even been scared? Because it was dark outside? What was I, a baby?
When I opened my window and peered outside, I gasped. The trail of silverware and buttons was completely gone, all the way up to the last one, which I had placed on my windowsill. In its place was a shoe. I didn't know what kind of shoe it was, but it looked sort of nice, fancy. I remember smiling out the window as I opened it, as if they were looking, and taking my gift.
How could I forget that night? How could I have forgotten what happened after? I feel crazy, either like I made it all up or like I've made up everything since then, like my life isn't truly my own.
I remember telling my dad. I remember saying, "Dad, the fairies came last night!" and the absent smile he gave me.
Until I showed him their gift. The shoe. Instantly his face went pale and he snatched it from my hands, staring at me as if I was something unholy.
"Where did you get this, Johnny?"
"The fairies, dad, I told you!"
He didn't respond. Just gave me another long, solemn look, before turning away from me, still holding the present I received close to his chest. I was upset, but I knew better than throwing a tantrum. That would be too much emotion anyways, too uncomfortable. Even back then, I didn't know how to handle those things.
I didn't show him their gifts after that. I didn't want to risk having them taken away. I tried not to be scared of the fairies, even though they always came at night, but I didn't go to my window when they came anymore. I read everywhere that fairies didn't particularly like to be seen, even though this one seemed to want to be. It always began with tapping, but otherwise complete silence that almost felt like it was swallowing me... and eventually the tapping would stop, the silence would pass, and I would fall asleep. In the morning there was always another gift for me, sitting on my window sill. A sparkly gold ring, the other matching shoe, a hat... I smiled when I took every one, wanting them to know I was grateful. And I would leave things for them too, little sweets or shiny things like coins or paperclips that I found on the ground at school.
Things seemed to get better with my dad for a while. He kept to himself more, he was quieter. At night he would cry softly in his room, rather than his uproarious wails that I used to have to quell so the neighbors wouldn't come knocking. During the day, he would talk to me, but more casually. He didn't ask me how I was feeling anymore, or tell me to let it out.
I hoped this was the fairies. I felt invincible, like I had a secret superpower that no one knew about. I was friends with fairies.
Then one night, everything changed.
It started with the tapping, as always. That night I was fast asleep, catching up on well earned rest since the nightly therapy sessions had ceased.
The tapping woke me. It was that loud. It was louder than usual... but it seemed like it stopped abruptly as soon as I raised my head to look.
That was different...
That night, I had left my blinds up and my window open by accident. Since that first night, even though I wasn't scared anymore, I had always closed them... but this time, I must have forgotten.
It was silent outside. It seemed darker than usual. I could almost make out something, a shape, way on the other side of the yard, but it was too dark and I was too far away to tell.
That feeling from that first night retuned. A twisting like a hand reaching into my stomach and mixing things around, a heavy feeling in my chest like someone had stolen all of the air from my room, even though the window was open. The silence seemed to crush me, bearing down on me from every angle, making my ribs hurt.
The feeling that something was very wrong.
I don't remember deciding to stand: looking back, I have no idea why I would do that in my state of fight or flight. I don't know if I consciously chose to. I don't remember walking over, but I remember getting there, my hands on the windowsill and my head poking out into the completely still night air.
There was something there. On the edge of the trees. Right where I had seen that first fork disappear into thin air. I squinted, leaning further into the darkness to try and make out what it was.
When I finally did, the outline taking shape as my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I began to shake uncontrollably. I remember that I tried to scream, but no sound would come. I couldn't move, couldn't do anything but stare.
Two legs stood in front of the trees, facing me. Two legs, a blood-soaked pair of slacks, no shoes on the purple, swollen feet. And a jagged, violent rip in the torso where the rest of my mother's body had been severed from its lower half.
It took me a while to realize that the legs weren't standing on their own. They began to move, jerking clumsily toward the window, like something I couldn't see was struggling to hold them up. I finally forced myself out of my trance and fell to my carpet, vomiting.
I don't remember much else about that night yet. My dad came running when I started crying, I'm sure, but he didn't see what I saw. My mom's legs were gone, or hidden. Because they weren't for him.
They were for me.
We moved after that. Before now if you had asked me why we moved so far away so suddenly, I probably would have mumbled something about the grief, and it being too hard to stay where my mother had died. But I remember why now.
It was because the next morning, when I checked my windowsill, there was a hand. My mother's hand. Purple and stiff, and missing her gold wedding ring. Reaching, fingers rested against the glass, like it was trying to get in.
Like it had been tapping.
I don't want to think about what else it might have brought, had we stayed.
That thing, whatever it was, wasn't my mother, and it wasn't a fairy. I had invited something else with all my praying, with all my naive and innocent beliefs, and with all my bottled up emotions. I had invited it, and I had let it in.
And then I had forgotten everything. Maybe I bottled that up, too.
Now I remember. Now I'm having nightmares, and waking up with that sick feeling in my gut, my eyes jumping to our closed bedroom window.
Because a week ago, my daughter woke me up very early in the morning my jumping on our bed. A week ago, she shook me awake, her eager smile stretching all the way across her face. A week ago, she told me, "Dad, the fairies came last night!"
She showed me a doll, a ballerina, with a pink tutu and beautiful long blonde hair.
And now, with all these terrible memories hitting me like cold water to the face, only one keeps me awake at night.
I asked them for help with my father. I asked them for peace. I asked them to bring her back to me.
It has granted two of my wishes, in its own twisted way. My father grew distant from me and my mother was brought back in pieces.
I'm happy now. But I don't have peace. I don't think I'll ever fully have peace, at least not with a child and a wife to try and provide for, and not with all of these memories.
So what has it come back for?

Race information

* **What?** Colfax Half Marathon
* **When?** May 19th, 2024
* **How far?** 13.1miles
* **Where?** Denver, CO
* **Website:** [https://www.runcolfax.org/races/half-marathon/\](https://www.runcolfax.org/races/half-marathon/)
* **Finish time:** DNF

Goals

Goal Description Completed?
-------------------------------
A 2:30 *No*
B Finish better than last year *No*

Splits

Mile Time
------------
1 12:12
2 12:40
3 13:18
4 12:47
5 13:54
6 13:37
7 14:43

Training

For this year, I really wanted to do better than I did last year, so I switched training plans from 80/20 to Coach Jenny's Advanced Half Marathon. I ended up doing most of the training despite having to deal with a current legal matter in relation to a family member's passing. It has been my sanity while dealing with lawyers and the courts.
I ended up running a total of 339.37 miles in preparation for this race and I cross trained with Pilates 2x a week. I mostly stuck to Zone 2 training and I started out the year running 14:26/mi in Zone 2 to my last run before this race at 12:16/mi, so I can tell you that Zone 2 training really does work. Just got to be patient, put in the miles, put your ego to the side, and stick with it.

Pre-race

I had been struggling with a sore throat since Friday afternoon, and I tried to brush it off thinking it might be allergies. The sore throat turned into nasal congestion on my right side over Saturday. I took NyQuil to try and get some sleep Saturday night since I was already nervous about doing the race and trying for a better time. Only ended up getting about 3-4 hours of sleep.
I also did Featherstone Nuitrition's carb loading protocol of loading up of 700 grams of carbs from Thursday - Saturday in preparation for the race.
I woke up at 3 a.m. to do my routine of getting my last carb load in of some Tailwind and a couple of slices of bread and some massage gun work on my calves. My throat was still bothering me and I was still dealing with the congestion. I figured at that point that I was going to at least try and run this race since I trained up for it.
Got to the race around 5:30, and did the usual routine of going to the porta potties, warming up, and stretching while having some conversations with people around me.
Then it was time to line up and then get the race going.

Race

The start of the race was a little chilly since there was cloud cover. I knew it was going to be hot because it was supposed to be in the 70s by 8 o'clock according to the forecast. Being that this is my third go-around on this, I knew how hot I was going to get on the ashphalt and I was starting to worry a little between being sick and the heat what this race was going to be like.
Mile 1 was okay, but I knew I was going way too fast and the pacer I was trying to follow was also going way too fast. I felt okay for the most part. The clouds broke apart and the sun came out and started warming things up.
Mile 2 was also okay even though there was that incline that went past the high school and there was at least shade from the trees.
Mile 3 was when I started feeling more sick as I went up the hill to the zoo and the heat started to get to me.
Mile 4 - 5 was the zoo, and it was cool seeing the animals but I was starting to get on the struggle bus to make it through. I was starting to feel crappy and my gels that I normally take without any issue were beginning to make me a bit nauseous. I was starting to pour cups of water on me at aid stations to try and cool me off.
Mile 6 was when the thought of DNF started to come up as I ran past the museum and started back up the hill past the high school. The heat plus I started to really feel sick was making me crack.
Mile 7 was when I ended up calling it after I got caught up with a run/walk group that was running for one minute and walking for one minute. I figured I would try to power through the race with them, and I just couldn't keep up. I really started to feel like poo at that point, and I decided that it was best for my health to bow out.

Post-race

I am pretty sad about how things went since I trained and improved so much for this race and that my longest training run was 15 miles, so I know I am capable of running this distance.
At the same time, I know that I could possibly have screwed myself up pretty bad if I kept on powering through just to say I finished.
I ended up having my husband pick me up from where I bowed out of the race, got breakfast, and then took some more NyQuil to crash three hours. I'm not much better since I still have the sore throat and congestion. We're supposed to go on a vacation tomorrow, but I don't know if that is going to be happening either. :(
I can at least say that I tried and I went over halfway point of the half-marathon. Personally, I think I should have not have started and just admitted to myself that I am sick and that today was not going to be a good race day.
Not sure if I am going to get on this horse again, but I have until January next year to think about it. I did finish the two previous times although with what I would consider crappy times.
I do feel that this race at times is cursed for me in some ways since it seems like I'm dealing with major life events while trying to train for this race. I might do the 5k if I sign up for anything Colfax related next year. We'll see depending upon my life circumstances, but I know I'm a stubborn person and I really do want to conquer this race at some point in my life.
I think if I do end up signing up for this race again next year that I am going to do way more hill training and figure out way to simulate the heat on asphalt during the winter since that is the part of the race that has nearly broken me the last two times I ran this race.
I really wanted to make this race my best HM yet, but I know we all can't anticipate getting sick before a race. These things just happen, and unfortunately today wasn't my day.
Hope that others who did run today had an awesome race and congrats to everyone who finished or at least tried.

Long time reader, first time poster. I know there's no such thing as 100% mitigation, I always knew I'd probably get sick despite my best efforts. But nothing prepared me for the feelings of anger and frustration and failure that I feel in addition to my 101°F fever, sore throat, muscle aches, and chills.
I avoid going in any public places and mask in an N95 whenever I need to. I get groceries delivered. I skip family holidays. I have HEPA filters in every room 24/7. I only see friends for outdoors walks, and I typically mask for those too. I use nasal sprays and antiviral mouthwash multiple times per day. I haven't traveled or gone to a restaurant or show or leisurely shopped in person in over 4 years now. I missed out on quality time with family members who have died of cancer and old age.
In short, I do everything I'm supposed to do. In fact, with my contamination OCD I probably go overboard sometimes. But I woke up this morning with a sore throat out of nowhere and it has devolved incredibly quickly since then. COVID tests have been negative so maybe it's a flu (in May?) but regardless, I just feel like I totally failed. Part of me wants to go waltz around a restaurant or shopping center sans mask in retaliation, part of me wants to go even more hermit mode.
I feel like I'm going to die. And I feel so stupid for holding out hope that I could stay safe and this would all pass by eventually. If I survive this, I don't know how I'm going to carry on.
Thanks for listening. No one in my life understands me at this point and this sub has been a lifeline.

About five weeks ago I picked up a mild cold mainly with a sore throat, no fatigue, no cough and pink eye towards the end. Lasted 5-7 days at most, and really didn’t impact my ability to do anything. It resolved and I thought nothing of it (95% recovered at this point over three years in).
A few days after acute symptoms resolved I started getting insomnia, then exercise intolerance restarted with neuropsychiatric symptoms after exercise lasting 48-72 hours (intrusive thoughts, obsessive thinking, extreme insomnia). These are symptoms I have not had for some time.
I got an antibody test (because I didn’t do a lateral flow during the acute infection) showing antibodies above 2,500 U/ml indicating a recent infection.
I’ve had to restart H1/H2 blockers which I will take for a month and then try and titrate off. I’ve been off these for some time so it’s a bit annoying to go back on, but they significantly help my insomnia, psychiatric symptoms and exercise intolerance.
I’ve been working on gut dysbiosis and unfortunately I had a big regression in early 2024 which may have made me more vulnerable. I’m working again to get butyrate producers back up to ensure my immune response is better regulated. In addition I’ve restarted the Safe and Sound Protocol to regulate autonomic nervous system function.
The positive out of this is that reinfection seem to be manageable, and long covid issues are nowhere near as bad as the first infection.

There's a ton of really bad feedback about the G7 on this sub which is really surprising to me. I realize that everyones situation is different and ymmv but I've felt incredibly lucky to have the G7.
I've been wearing my G7 100% of the time since September '23. My rough math says I've had 25 sensors. In that time I've had only one sensor with a catastrophic issue which was immediately replaced by Dexcom.
I lived with rampant type 2 completely uncontrolled for a few years. A big reason I didn't do anything was because I just didn't want to prick my finger all the time. I would do it from time to time maybe 1-3 times a month but not enough to get usable data. Dexcom G7 was the very first thing in did to start taking care of myself.
Some of the things I love about the G7:
• I don't even feel the insertion • getting data every 5 minutes really helped me navigate how my lifestyle correlated with my blood glucose • Once I calibrate a sensor it's generally pretty reliable through the rest of that session • I actually prick more regularly now if nothing more than to keep it calibrated well • The G7 has taught me that every tired spell, light headed spell and generally unwell feeling isn't usually tied to a spike or fall in my BG levels • The data has really simplified my visits with my GP, Endo and Nutritionist. They were quickly able to dial in a reduction in the number of pills going down my throat every day. In addition I was having insulin pushed on me pretty hard but I resisted and was able to prove quickly that I didn't need it to get control
I could go on but I think I've made my point.
I really feel like devices of this class are only going to get better and the fact that I'm not having to prick my fingers 5x a day or more is a real godsend.
Anyone reading this sub and getting nervous if G7 is right for you should consider that there's a lot of us less vocal that absolutely love it.
All that being said... The OEM overpatch is horrible.. do yourself a favor and pick up the Lexcam or SkinGrip on Amazon.
Thanks for hearing me out.

I've heard of quite a few bugs going around the past few months, and I'm just curious if anyone has been going through a similar thing I have because it's beginning to feel a bit worrisome.
A month ago I got hit with what I thought was a cold. Symptoms were a sore throat, cough, and bad fatigue. I still managed to get through the work week though.
Fast forward a month later, and my work days usually end with me napping for a couple hours, or feeling fine, until random waves of fatigue hit throughout the week. My recovery from the gym became so bad that I've had to stop going.
I've been avoiding seeing a doctor, as I haven't seen one since getting in a walk-ins has become impossible, and I know I'm not dying, so I'd more than likely just be told to get some rest.
Hopefully this doesn't come off like I'm looking for a diagnosis. I'm mostly just curious if this is a strain of cold/flu that is somewhat common at the moment, which will give me a better idea of what to do in the following month or so.
Thanks!

Anyone else absolutely wrecked from whatever is in the air the past few days? I know we had an air quality alert Friday. Whatever caused that has me sneezing, coughing, aching, and with a sore throat so bad I can hardly talk.

I can be a hypochondriac and I am kind of stressing because I haven’t had any bleeding yet this month. I know an IUD doesn’t cause an actual “period” because you shouldn’t be ovulating on it and therefore no real period, but I’ve always had monthly bleeding since I’ve been on it.
Last month I had a super light “period” where I only had bleeding for a few days and I didn’t even really need a pad. When I got my IUD it did shorten the length of my period and made it lighter, but last month was very light in comparison.
This month, earlier this week I had some pelvic cramping, sore boobs, and that feeling like when your period is about to start, but it never did.
Because I am such a hypochondriac, I will periodically take pregnancy tests. I bought a 50ct batch from Amazon a couple of years ago and still have them. I’ve taken 3 tests from it over the last week and they have all been negative, but I just realized the tests expired last year, so now of course I’m more paranoid.
I can still feel my IUD string, my BF and I also use condoms everytime so I should be protected but I am still paranoid.

why do I feel like the past was a dream? why do I feel so much pain and sickness waking up and why won't I stop lying to people about being okay?
there's so much I wanna say but don't know where to start
if I open up I start giving random summaries and can't finish what i'm saying I feel like there's a needle in my throat that's expanding in width and length, I get headaches that feel like brain freeze but ache more
whenever I feel sad now my chest hurts so much, the pain reaches my arms, back and legs
if I try holding in tears it's like a headache behind and inside my eye
a while back I was crying and randomly my chest started hurting on the left/middle and it took me an hour to cover a 6 second walk
I don't know what i'm doing I just want an answer, what's the name of my condition

i find myself attributing everything to pots. every small headache, body pain, sore throat, dizziness, etc i get very worried about because my pots episodes usually don’t end up great.
how do i know if it’s just a random thing? like i feel very off right now, sore throat, coming out of a cold and very dizzy & am worried about tonight ending up w me in the ER or passing out. but it literally could be connected to my cold. so idk what to do

Hi all. I had my tonsillectomy on the morning of May 16th and I thought I’d share my recovery so far!
Background: I (24F) have always had very large tonsils since I was young. As a kid, I would constantly get strep throat but that died down as I got older. Honestly, I thought my abnormally large tonsils were just my normal. Well November 2023 I got very sick with the flu. I had body chills, muscle aches, and a horrible sore throat with extremely swollen tonsils (somehow even bigger than they have been my whole life)! Given my tonsils history, I was not that concerned and figured they would go back to normal. After a few weeks the tonsils still had not returned back to normal and my voice was affected, I was snoring and having to breathe through my mouth, and in the following months I would get sick constantly. Also, my cardiovascular health just plummeted which was shocking because I was in the best shape of my life having ran a marathon the month prior. Anyways, I went to a very well respected ENT in my city and when I opened my mouth he said “Holy shit, those are the biggest tonsils I have ever seen. How do you breathe? How do you sleep?” And he proceeded to pull every nurse and doctor in the room to look at them! He even took a photo to use as a case study as he teaches at a university haha. Anyways, months later on May 16 I finally had my tonsillectomy!
Day 1/2: I woke up from my tonsillectomy at around 9:30 AM with no issues. I had never been put under before and was surprised at how well I felt! My doctor uses local anesthesia as well as general so I had a hard time swallowing water when the nurse offered me some. I took a percocet that they offered me, got dressed and was on my way home by 10:15. About halfway through my 30 minute drive I thought I was going to throw up because I was very overheated but as soon as I blasted the ac I was fine. Immediately after getting in the car I started chugging ice water that had re-lyte electrolyte powder in it. When I got home I ate eggs scrambled with cottage cheese which was very easy to eat and swallow. My pain stayed low throughout the day, and at this time I was just taking Tylenol every 4-6 hours. I ate more eggs that night, Costco Mac and cheese, and had a lot of popsicles as well. I woke up on day 2 (I’m counting surgery day as day 1) with still very little pain. My surgeon at this point had OKed me to take ibuprofen so I started that at 10 AM. Since then I’ve been taking 400 mg of ibuprofen and 500 mg of Tylenol rotating every 4 hours. So I take each 3 times a day. I had very little pain on day 2. I ate eggs, popsicles, a peanut butter sandwich, Mac and cheese, and a California roll and miso soup. My only regret was putting wasabi on the California roll! Haha. At this point I know the worst is ahead of me
Day 3/4: the mornings on these two days have been rough compared to the last two days, but never not manageable! My uvula is huge and so is my tongue. Day 3 I didn’t want to eat, and today, day 4, I have been a bit better. As the day progresses my pain gets much better! On day 3, I made Pastina and that was so easy to eat and felt amazing on my throat! I also had two poached eggs and shredded hashbrowns which I didn’t brown very much so they were still soft. Day 4 I’ve ate watermelon, avocado, and more Pastina. I just now ate a whole cup of ice in an attempt to make the swelling in my tongue go down. I have been drinking at least 3 32oz hydroflask worth of water a day. And I put 1 scoop of re-lyte electrolyte powder and 1 scoop of Laird dehydrated coconut water in each bottle which I truly think has helped me stay so hydrated. Once again, I know the worst of the pain is ahead of me but so far it has not been unmanageable at all. I will update as the days go by!

Kanye ‘Ye’ West is—or was—one of the most important artists of the 21st century. His creativity has no limits and he has proven himself successful in every creative endeavor—mainly, music and fashion. He has one of the best discographies in music history, and despite all of the worrisome public controversies and freak-outs, his legacy will probably never be forgotten.

1. Late Registration 10/10 Such a perfect album. LR is his second release, where he worked with Jon Brion to bring together the hip-hop sound with symphonies and movie-score like instrumentals; sonically, way better and more impressive than College Dropout. The themes are personal and heartwarming—Hey Mama, Roses, Diamonds From Sierra Leone—and every single song on here is worth a listen. Highlights: We Major, Drive Slow, Touch The Sky, Heard Em’ Say, Late, Hey Mama, DFSL, & Roses.
   
2. The College Dropout 9/10 His debut album made a great impression. Soulful, funny, and inspiring, TCD touches on various relatable themes: faith (Jesus Walks), hating your lame ass dead-end job (Spaceship), family love (Family Business), materialism (All Falls Down), and ambition (Through The Wire). The only downsides are the skits and some of the songs sounding dated. Highlights: Family Business, Last Call, All Falls Down, Spaceship, Slow Jamz, Two Words, Never Let Me Down, and Jesus Walks.
   
3. My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy 9/10 Late Registration had elements of movie-scores in its songs, but MBDTF feels like an actual big-screen experience. The album is entertaining from start to finish, with its guest appearances, maximal production, and storyline (the “price” of fame and public embarrassment). A great apology album that will never stop being talked about; best first listen ever. I do agree with it being a little overrated; All of the Lights kinda sounds all over the place and the album isn’t as entertaining after Runaway - but Lost in the World is his best closer. Highlights: Dark Fantasy, Gorgeous, Power, Devil in a New Dress, So Appalled, LITW, Monster, and Runaway.
   
4. Graduation 9/10 Most people think this album is overrated, and to be fair it sounds a bit dated. When I re-listen to it though, it still is uplifting and infectious; it’s like that “perfect espresso shot in the morning”. The album contains some of the best music in his catalogue - and in the hip-hop genre in general. (Flashing Lights is a perfect song.) Highlights: Flashing Lights, Good Morning, Champion, I Wonder, Everything I Am, Can’t Tell Me Nothing, Big Brother, & Homecoming.
   
5. The Life of Pablo 8.9/10 Everything about this project—especially the cover—is so Kanye. After his industrial-experimental-yeezus-phase (idk what to call it), Kanye’s music is more “modern” and “trap-based” on this album—he utilizes production from Metro Boomin; for the most part, his rapping and lyrics aren’t taken that seriously. You can also tell that this is where Fashion started to take his attention. Regardless of all the flaws and awkward moments, it keeps your attention and weirds you out—Just like Ye does himself. And just like Ye, its a paradox: we opened with Ultralight Beam (a song that begins with prayers and ends with gospel singing) and went right into FSMH, pt.1 (the song with the bleached-asshole verse). It’s funny, introspective, annoying, childish, and impressive - just like him. Highlights: FSMH, pt.1, ULBM, Freestyle 4, Famous, NMPILA, Saint Pablo, 30 Hours, Waves, FML, I Love Kanye, & Saint Pablo.
   
6. Yeezus 8.9/10 Around this time, breaking into the Fashion industry was a major challenge for Kanye, and naturally, he became more angry in his interviews. For the most part, Yeezus sounds like anger and frustration—the first seconds of On Sight alienates most non-Kanye fans. Thematically, Ye takes on a character—Yeezus—who embodies his most negative traits: arrogance, insensitivity, and hostility. It shows up in some of the lyrics too (“eating Asain pussy..”). After New Slaves, the album gets more tender-sounding and sad—you have classics like Hold My Liquor, BOTL, and Guilt Trip. It reveals that this obnoxious Yeezus character has a sap backstory. By the end, we reach a resolution with Bound 2, the most accessible song on here (greatest music video ever). Just like 808s, it stands out from the rest of his discog, and is a bit annoying, but once you get it, you get it. Highlights: New Slaves, HML, Bound 2, BOTL, Black Skinhead, Guilt Trip, & Im In It.
   
7. 808s & Heartbreak 8/10 Great. Great. Great. After a tumultuous period, Kanye, being the musical pioneer that he is, decided to ditch the hip-hop samples and beats, for 808s and auto-tuned singing, and it was polarizing to the hip-hop audience. I feel like he’s more of a songwriter - in the traditional sense - on here. This album also has an amazing 6-track run (Say You Will —> Paranoid; RoboCop ain’t it). The instrumentals are melancholy, and this is the first time we see collaborations from Kid Cudi—whose sound is definitely present on this album. Imp, Some of the songs—RoboCop, Bad News, & See You in My Nightmares—sound soooooo 2008, they were a little hard to listen to. Yet, there is still is a reason why this album has the impact that it does; along with Cudi, it lead future rap artists to become more versatile with their discographies—look at XXXTENTACION, JuiceWrld, & Lil Uzi Vert.
   
8. Ye 8/10 Ye is his shortest output, and even compared to 808s, one of his most emotional as well. Besides All Mine, there isn’t much wrong with this album; it gets straight to the point. Some problems here though: You can tell this is when he started recorded his vocals on his iPhone, his mumble verses are more present, which gives an unfinished feeling to it. Besides that, its mainly filled with great, strong songs. Sonically, it’s soulful, tender, and oddly peaceful. Theres a heavy sense of vulnerability, regret, and introspection. I think this album needs a lot more attention than it gets. Highlights: ITAKY, No Mistakes, Violent Crimes, Ghost Town (duhh), & Wouldn’t Leave.
   
9. Donda 6/10 This would be a very-fitting last release (if done correctly): at the time he divorced from Kim Kardashian and became a billionaire in the same year, which naturally attracted more attention to his legacy—this is when I started listening to his music. His life story is inspiring and releasing an album named after his late-Mother (Donda West) would’ve been the perfect closing-album. Irecent memory, I can’t remember being more hyped about a music release. This rollout was legendary—from the Reddit subs, to the instagram posts, to the listening parties. Perfect way to advertise an album. The result is messy, though. Sonically, this is like The Life of Pablo, pt. 2: constant ups-and-downs in quality, yet still delivering amazing songs. Theres also a lot of unneeded material on here too—27 fucking tracks (32 if you include all the part 2’s)—and the mixing really sticks out like a sore-thumb and ruins the experience. Guest appearances were really show-stopping—especially Don Toliver and Kid Cudi on “Moon”. It’s also his most spiritual project (he edited out the curse words); we haven’t seen this much religious faith since The College Dropout imo. Beautiful, yet messy. Highlights: Moon, Praise God, Keep My Spirit Alive, Hurricane, Come to Life, 24, Off the Grid, Pure Souls, and God Breathed.
   

(19M, 5'9 155 lbs.) Hi, this is gonna be a bit long, but let me explain the entire situation so far:
Going back about a year or so, I started noticing an elevated heart rate above what I usually would have. I have an apple watch that allows me to check my heart rate, and around this time I started to get notifications that my heart rate was above average (in the 120s to 130s range while resting as opposed to my normal 60-80 range). This happened a few times along with some very minor chest pain / tightness, however after laying down for a few hours / going to bed it would usually return to normal. Around the same time I got diagnosed with anxiety and ADHD and placed on an SSRI to help my anxiety after trying ADHD meds and not liking them. I never really had any incidents with high heart rate after that, so I had assumed it was just anxiety causing it (and that may still be the case). A few months went by and I ended up starting college and got myself a girlfriend. As I ended up finding out, SSRIs, while great, have the unfortunate side effect of erectile dysfunction, so I weaned off my meds so I could prioritize my love life. There were a few incidents after this where my heart rate was above average, but again I just chalked this up to anxiety, as it would usually go away on its own. At one point I went into my on campus doctor's office just to verify my heart was okay after an elevated heart rate the night before, and they gave me an EKG which came up clear. Months go by, and things are fine, besides a slight uptick in anxiety. Unfortunately however, my relationship began to crumble and my anxiety skyrocketed, and we eventually broke up, which led me to talking to my doctor and getting placed back on anxiety medication. However, I really didn't like how SSRI's impacted my libido, so after trying a few more SSRI's I was placed on Buspirone. I love Buspirone, and it's made a noticeable difference on my confidence / reducing anxiety. When I take my full dose at once (30 mg), I tend to get a bit dizzy / nauseous, however when split up into 10 mg taken at breakfast lunch and dinner I have no noticeable side effects. I will say (and I don't know if this is in any way important but I'm just naming everything possible), I have noticed that since stopping the SSRIs and starting Buspirone I tend to ejaculate VERY fast which is abnormal for me, and although I would like to fix that it is not my main concern. Moving on though, after about a month or two after being placed on Buspirone, we get to where my heart problems start. As someone who had never used any substances my entire life, leaving home and going to college gave me the freedom to try new things, and although I know it's not great, on weekends me and my friends will get together and drink or occasionally smoke weed / take an edible. I was worried at first about interactions with my medication, but after some research all anything online could tell me was that I may get drunk faster / more nauseous and dizzy, which wasn't too big of a deal for me. I had tried weed earlier in college and didn't like the way it made me feel, however after being placed on Buspirone I decided to try it again and actually enjoyed the feeling, so I started doing it more on the weekends as opposed to just drinking, which leads us to the incident. Me and some friends had just sat down to watch a movie, and all taken an edible. Time passed, and I started to notice that my heart rate was extremely elevated, way more than I was usually used to. I checked my heart rate, and found that my watch was displaying an average of 160 bpm. At first I thought I was just having a bad high and tried to calm myself. I laid on the floor and put some ice on my forehead, but nothing was helping. I checked my heart rate again and saw that my watch was displaying 190, which really freaked me out as that was way higher than I had ever seen before. I had my sober friend call Public Safety for me, and they came to my dorm room and did a basic check up on me. They said that I had a fever, and when they took my heart rate they got something in the 160s range. Their explanation was that my anxiety, when combined with being high and likely being sick made my heart rate elevated, which made sense at the time. I went into my college's health services to follow up the next day since my heart rate was still elevated (in the 120s-130s range), however they again told me it was probably just anxiety. A few days went by and my heart rate was STILL above average, so I decided to double check with my real doctor off campus. About a day before this I had also stopped taking my medication to see if it could be the cause for my elevated heart rate. The doctors took my vitals and immediately noticed that had very high blood pressure and an elevated heart rate, to the point where they sent in a second doctor to recheck my vitals and make sure it was correct. After talking to me and having me give a run down of my symptoms, they had me schedule an appointment with a cardiologist and told me that if I ever experience chest pain and a heart rate above 100 bpm that wouldn't go down to go to the hospital. I had also told them about how I stopped taking my medication and they told me that that was fine and to tell the cardiologist about it. About a week passes, and I have my cardiologist appointment in a few days. I had been up the night before working on my final exams, so I hadn't gotten much sleep, and besides a breakfast sandwich that I had for lunch I hadn't eaten much either. I had been experiencing chest pain all day, but I assumed it was being caused by my lack of sleep, so after classes I went and took a nap. After a few hours I woke up, and immediately noticed that I still had chest pain. I checked my apple watch, and my heart rate was displaying roughly 90-110 bpm while laying down, which on top of the chest pain made me worried since my doctor had told me that that was cause to go to the hospital. I called my parents to tell them about it, and they drove to the school and had me sit in the car and eat some food they had made to see if it would help at all. However, even after this, my heart rate was still above 100 bpm and I still had chest pain, so my mom made the call to bring me to the hospital. While on the way to the hospital, out of nowhere my heart rate increased to about 170-180 bpm, which freaked me out. We arrived at the hospital, and they immediately gave me an EKG to make sure I wasn't going to drop dead. During this time, I also was shaking a lot and couldn't make myself stop. Eventually they took me into a room and decided to run some tests on me. The tests they did are as follows: BASIC METABOLIC PANEL, CBC WITH DIFF, TROPONIN NH, D DIMER DEEP VEIN THROMB LEVEL, TSH REFLEX, X-RAY CHEST PA AND LATERAL, and ECG-12 LEAD. While I'm not a doctor, from what they told me and from what I can see, everything turned up pretty normal. My potassium was a smidge low, as well as my MCV and MPV, and my Monocyte (absolute) was a tad high, but generally nothing to worry about. The website where I'm viewing my test results display my ECG as abnormal and an attached document says I have left atrial enlargement as well as sinus tachycardia, but they only mentioned sinus tachycardia in the hospital so I assume that it was just the machine reading my test results and giving its own diagnosis. Long story short though, I left the hospital a few hours later, and although I still had a slightly elevated heart rate they said I was fine to go about life normally and to follow up with my cardiologist. Cut to the present, and I just met with my cardiologist a couple days ago. I gave him the general rundown of the above story (but didn't mention the edible as a precursor to the 190 bpm heartrate as my mom was in the next room over and the door was wide open), and after checking my vitals he told me that although I did have an elevated heart rate and high blood pressure, my chest pain probably wasn't a huge concern and that he wasn't too worried it was anything life threatening. He told me I could resume taking my meds (which I had temporarily replaced with ashwagandha supplements while I waited for the appointment and have since stopped taking), and had me wear a little device that monitored my heart rate for 24 hours, which I'm set to return in a couple days. He also told me that when I returned it he would check my results and give me an echocardiogram and go from there. So, with any luck, he should be able to figure things out then. However, I wanted to post this to see if anyone could help me get any ideas on what it could be that I could run by him to help speed things up. Oh and one last thing, if you can't think of anything in regards to what could be causing my elevated heart rate, I actually would like to know why I'm ejaculating so fast so I can fix it because its gotten to the point where I can't even enjoy masturbating because of how fast I cum.
In case I missed anything, here's a list of my symptoms (although I have no idea if they're all correlated):
- High heart rate (anywhere from 90-190 bpm)
- High blood pressure
- Chest pain / tightness on my left side and does not hurt more when I breath in / out (every now and then pain extends to my neck and shoulder)
- Frequently tired
- Insomnia (could be correlated with the above symptom lol)
- Get out of breath faster than usual
- Anxiety (already had this though)
- Mild depression (probably from my breakup)
- Lack of motivation (probably from my ADHD)
- Very rare and random spasms in my neck
- About 10 pounds weight loss in the past few months
- Headaches (could be from the meds)
- Sexual Dysfunction
- Minor rash under my eyes that’s been coming / going
- Eczema / rash flare ups past few months above my eyes, on my inner elbows, on my hands, and on my neck that I’ve been able to get rid of with a steroid cream
- Wrists, elbows, knees and ankles (although many joints in general) tend to bother me / crack a lot
- Glands under my neck are frequently swollen
- Rashes on the tops of my feet and toes
- Multiple gray / white hairs appearing in the last few months
- Probably something minor that I'm forgetting but if I can't think of it it probably isn't important (will update this list if new symptoms arise)
Brief family history:
- Grandma (moms side) has rheumatoid arthritis - Grandma (dads side) had multiple sclerosis - Great Grandma (moms side) had Alzheimer's - Aunt (moms side) has an undiagnosed heart problem - Aunt (moms side) has rheumatoid arthritis and Reynaud's, inconclusive testing for lupus - Aunt (dads side) has something? something to do with swelling of feet and ankles? not too sure - Mom had anemia
​
My personal theories (I'm not a doctor though so obviously not too sure): Autoimmune Disease + Dysautonomia: - From a list of symptoms, I have experienced all of the following at some point over the last month: Lightheaded when standing up, nausea, brain fog, fast heart rate, high blood pressure, changes in bowel movements over the course of the past few months (both constipation and diarrhea), fatigue, sexual dysfunction, chest pain and discomfort, shortness of breath, heart palpitations, sleeping problems, dizziness, sweating a lot, watery eyes, frequent headaches, changes in body temperature, drooling (when I sleep), mood swings, anxiety, and sensitivity to light. Based on this a potential theory could be an autoimmune disorder on top of a heart condition? Also explains the elevated monocyte (absolute) levels. Serotonin Syndrome: - I was doing research and discovered that Buspirone, when taken with other medication that increases serotonin, can cause serotonin syndrome. After another google search, I found out that weed can increase serotonin levels. The only hole in this theory is that I stopped taking Buspirone after the initial spike in heart rate / blood pressure but had no noticeable changes.
TLDR: I have a high heart rate and blood pressure and can't figure out why

Anyone else dealt with/dealing with this? After two years and many doctors, I'm still totally in the dark, and every week feels like I'm getting worse and worse. But I don't even know what's what, which makes it harder for me to try and figure it out.
My laundry list of issues, both physical and mental, includes:

• 24/7 throbbing ache in my upper back/shoulder & neck region
• 24/7 throbbing ache and constant tension in my calves, even if I've been sitting all day
• Lower back pain (and increased leg pain) from standing or walking (especially standing)
• Generally prone to a lingering muscle ache & soreness from even the slightest physical activity, in literally every/any part of my body. Including just... sitting for too long.
• Daily headaches
• Retrolisthesis of the neck (vertebrae are curved the wrong way), a few disc bulges in both cervical and lumbar regions, and scoliosis -- these might account for some of the back pain, but it feels like there's more to it
• ADHD (inattentive type, I think; I take adderall for it) and possibly(?) depression
• Brain fog, lack of motivation, avoidant tendencies
• Low energy, tired all the damn time
• Probably more that I'm forgetting :')

So it's like...am I tired all the time because of my pain, or is it a symptom of a chronic condition? Same with the brain fog; is it from the ADHD or is it a sign of something else? Are the headaches from the neck issue? Are the back and leg pain connected, or two separate issues? Whenever I talk to doctors, I tend to bring up almost all of this (in even more detail), and they often seem to be confused by it. And so am I tbh; I don't even know how to research possibilities or solutions. Any advice??

Over the last 10 years, I have gotten very slowly better and better from the most shitty state you can imagine. After 10 years I can at least work full-time, but still, I can't exercise, and eat a lot, so I could gain proper weight.
I'm experimenting with myself with everything I can find and the next in the line is dental probiotics with a lot of S. salivarius because my chronic fatigue and easily becoming throat sick comes from immunity overload located in my neck, probably tonsils (incl. stones). It's every time a breathing system problem. Starts every time in the throat.
Since I started to get some good money now, I'm not waiting for anything and I already ordered AHCC. I hope this will have some observational effect to extremely boost my immunity to kill and overpower the shit I'm fighting with.
Since the immunity system is the most energy-demanding system in our body, then immunity overload can cause chronic fatigue and lack of defenses against more immunity challenges like colds. I consider this as a huge problem which I've been trying to slowly solved last 10 years.
I feel my body fighting every day with it and I learned that quality sleep and a healthy gut are significant things for health.
So circadian rhythm and leaky gut protocols were a huge help in the past, which gave me a baseline to keep mysefl healthy. At least if I didn't overload myself. I still had very low energy but at least I had some and I can do little physical activities and I will not get sick after one normal physical sport or game. I still get sick after one and half months of light gym exercise. And then I'm like half sick for months. So it's still bad.
Because I realized that regeneration is a countermeasure to my illness I need to increase regeneration. I found that the liver is responsible, so NAC was really, really, really good help as well. And I'm not leaving it. Moreover, I still need more regeneration. If the AHCC immunity boost will not work to kill even ATB resistance bacteria which I think are the problem causing inflammation in my body. Then I'm going to increase regeneration with peptides.
When I discovered BPC157, it was a no brainer for me to not test it. It was pretty solid!
My regeneration drastically improved and I was able to 1) work the same with less sleep or 2) work more with the same sleep. Now I'm going to test even more of regeneration boost, because the BPC157 pills didn't solve the problem, It was just a another boost or help.
I ordered BPC157+BP500 aka Wolverine regeneration peptide combo. I ordered two packages. First, just for a normal injection and second for a tonsile injection. I think there may be a solution, tonsile regeneration. Maybe it can heal the gabs/holes in my tonsiles where are the tonsile stones created. Maybe the ATB resisntent bacterias having cap there.
I pull out a small number of tonsile stones every month or two. As a first immunity battlefield of our body, most of the infections start in the tonsile. So if the bacteria are stuck there, it is also weakened by normal body function (internal system against environment) in this case breathing.
I breathe through my mouth a lot. Nose breathing is just not enough oxygen for me. Also, 10y ago i had stones a lot, every week I need to pull some out otherwise I would become sick. Pulling stones out was also a big pressure on my immunityso many times I got sick just from that too.
And I can share with you some other things that helped me fucking a lot and I will be buying them in the future for sure.
-> More supplements for the liver. It can be milk thistle (standardized to 80%) which is good on paper, but currently testing the Kalmegh herb pills. I had something similar in the past. It was call Kalamegha tea and it was very helpful. Very slow but it was helping every two months. I got a bit better overall energy with that. It took like a half year to see significant progress. So I could start doing university homeworks and didn't need to sleep every afternoon to gain a bit more energy for a day.
-> HCL, so I can eat a lot without draining my body of too much energy from digestion.
-> Trace mineral drops. I was probably very drained from minerals. Because it was soooo energetic for me to drink it before sleep. Every morning I got a lot of energy. I mean compared to how bad I was feeling.
-> Ginseng because if you are like me you live on hormones. You can be addicted to hormones and maybe you drain your body out of adrenaline too. So Korean Ginseng extracts 6 years old, may be a good option for a supplement too.
There was also one magic happening last year. I found these bonbons called Mentolina with Tirotricina. It's a substance produced by bacteria and it behaves as a surface antibiotic. At the beginning, it was wonderful. I even thought I would be so healthy that I would exercise. After a few months of experimenting, it seems that the effect is over. It's not as powerful anymore. I even bought tirotricina in a bottle from Spain so I can put it on my tonsils and in my nose too. Because I expect I have bacteria in my nouse too. Will test it a bit longer because It's almost newly arrived. One of idea is to put tirotricina into difuser and difuse it during the night when I sleep with open mouth. And my throat illness mostly startingafter sleep. Mostly I wake up and I just feel that immunity wokring too much or I'm became sick.
After Tirotrine bonbons I became able to drink milk in bulk. Even 1l of milk per day without diarrhea. It helped me to gain a little bit of weight finally.
Also, I would like to mention some basic supplements for those who are at the beginning, like bis-glycinate Zink, bis-glycinate Magnesium, D3, and omega-3 in liquid fish oil form. The capsules oxidize too fast. Not worth it.
If anyone experienced read it till this point. If you can add some more value and recommendation... I'm also looking for what next I can do.