Adjectives that start with y to describe a personsx

I have a wonderful coworker who is in a lesbian relationship. They already have 6 foster children that they are raising in what is a positive dynamic; I love hearing her stories of juggling a large family with both her and her wife working full-time. Yesterday I met her wife for the first time, and we started happily chatting. They mentioned that they are "welcoming a new addition to the family" and added that it was "unexpected" but a very joyous event.
For a second I was tongue-tied for a proper response. I congratulated them happily, but stopped short as my mind started wondering if it was a surrogacy, or if one of them was pregnant. My mental train totally derailed when I asked myself, "well, then who is the dad?" It took what seemed an eternity (to me) to collect my thoughts and simply congratulate them, but I would like to think that they didnt notice. We happily continued our banter about the correct number of fridges to have in a large family, and debated the differences between chest and reach-in freezers.
Background I come from an ultra-conservative family-of-origin and have only started de-programming from that hurtful non-sense in the last several years. (FYI I am a 55 y/o white cis male raised in Idaho Mormonism...if you know, you know). My coworker knows this as I have shared my past with her in previous meaningful discussions.
The issue: is it appropriate to ask who is the birthing mother? And if it is appropriate, are there any emotional triggers or faux-paus I should be mindful of when discussing the pregnancy?

(Only Europe, Please) - short note - If you're not into reading or receiving long messages,don't read any further + Please If you don't want to read everything because of my post being too long for you & instead of reading It all - ..skip some parts - find another person to talk to.Let's respect each other and our free time. All people criticizing/making fun of me & other people - will be blocked.Pretty much as people questioning my post and giving me unsolicited advice.I'm not here for any conflicts and I know I can't please everyone - I know I never will.. However It's me who should feel comfortable in my new potential friendship & obviously someone who wants to be my friend - not the whole world.. which is why I don't need any advice from people who don't even want to be a part of my life. The amount of rude people on Reddit always criticizing others and making fun of them is unbelievably high but let me tell you something - NEVER let anyone make choices for you and criticize you only because you're different! Always fight for your dreams and never let anyone make you think you're worthless! It's your life and you're the one deciding what's best for you - If you want to judge me despite not even wanting to talk to me or give me advice better block me! I'm an adult woman and I make all decisions on my own.I'm not trying to "fit in" and be like everyone else - just to get more attention.Accept me for who I am or let go - is my motto.
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Hello guys! 🙂 (read everything before you decide to send me a message) Please send me a message ONLY If you're in the same situation and If your expectations are the same as mine.I want to find like minded people from Europe (Why Europe? Read my post to find out) I'm looking for something permanent (remember - you can feel lonely even If you're surrounded by others - If there's no emotional bond) I'm fed up of meeting people who never make time for me & only text me once or twice a week to ask me "what are you up to?" Out of boredom.I don't want to meet people asking others a million of questions like "what's your favorite movie?" Just to give them one word answer and ask them another question "and music? Your favorite song?" I'm looking for something "deeper" & different 🙂
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What kind of friend would I like to find? Someone to talk to on a daily basis - Someone who needs It & wants It just as much as me
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What are my expectations? I would like to meet someone in a similar situation – why? Because I honestly feel like only a person with the same expectations and a similar outlook on life would get along with me & because I feel more comfortable talking to people like me..Friendless people who need a strong bond - people without friends and partners.. Don't get me wrong…Most people deserve to be happy and It's good to have friends but people who have friends or families in real life are usually more focused on them (which is completely understandable) & have less time for others + I simply don't want to be replaced by anyone..I kind of envy people who can call others , true friends given I don't have an emotional bond with any of my acquaintances. Please send me a message only If you're not In a relationship and don't have friends for the same reasons I've already mentioned before
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Whenever I hear that others have friends I simply get sad because (believe it or not) If I had to choose between 20 people to talk to (acquaintances) and one special person - I'd choose that one special person without any hesitation .
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I also want to talk to others every day because..I want to see someone’s effort & be someone's first choice - not another person to have random conversations with..some people ask me "Why do you want to talk to people from Europe?" Well..Because I would like to see someone I'd get along with - In the far future - face to face :) + I don't want to wait any longer than 6 hours to receive a message - waiting 6 hours to receive a message is more than enough
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I'm by no means criticizing people who don't want to talk to others often / People who really are super busy & People who want to find someone to have unimportant conversations with - I'm aware that not everyone has the same expectations which is why everything you're reading now - is here for a reason :) All I'm suggesting is - I don't want anything temporary and I don't want to be the one always giving more than receiving.Listen people - I used to ignore being..ignored by others..always being just an option to talk to during tough times or moments of boredom.I was too young to realize that I was never important enough for most people that were a part of my life. I don't know who needs to hear this but..No one is too busy to make time for you! People make excuses to avoid others because they prioritize everything and (maybe) everyone..over them. It's true that most people are busy - but It takes only a few seconds to start a conversation (If you're into short messages) and a few minutes (1-10/15) to type a long message . Don't let anyone lie to you.
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Truth is that most people either don't like you enough to make time for you or just simply - feel no need to talk to others often but are they too busy? No..You don't need to send me a message just to ask me and tell me "Do you really want to talk every day? I like long messages but I can't promise to contact you often" If you really are unsure please don't send me a message.I don't need more acquaintances aka people to talk to - occasionally.
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I'm not trying to sound rude but conversations once or twice a week wouldn't be enough for me and I don't need them... Let me tell you one thing – A true friend would never just give up on you for no reason :) It’s always possible to find someone to have a random conversation with – someone willing to send you one message once or twice a week..but..It’s almost impossible to find people willing to make more time for you.
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I’m not asking a busy person to make time for me by changing some plans! Absolutely not! I’m here to find someone who wants to talk daily (throughout the day or maybe even night) of one’s own will.Someone looking for the same kind of connection.Strong friendships are based on mutual support. One of the best things you can do for a friend in need, is just to be there for them when they want to talk.I often see posts from people who always say how friendless they are because they don't feel loved or appreciated by their "friends" remember! A true friend - someone who truly likes you or someone who wants to get to know you - will always find time for you.
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I'm not interested in small talk/short messages - I love long and meaningful conversations. It's so easy to find someone who loves abbreviations and questions like "How are you?" How was your day? Or what are you interested in? But so hard/almost impossible to find a person who knows how to keep a conversation going & show others some effort.Building and maintaining friendships takes time and effort.Never allow pursuits or possessions to become bigger priorities than your relations with other people.Close friendships are so important to us because they are so difficult to form + Having friends can help you feel as if you belong to something that brings purpose and connection to your life
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• I do NOT respond to any „Hey,hmu” or „u want to talk?” type of messages (super short messages or messages full of abbreviations – I literally can’t stand abbreviations and acronyms in text messages) ALL messages full of abbreviations will immediately be ignored.I also don't like it when people ignore everything I say in private messages just to focus on a random question or? When they start talking only about themselves and don't ever ask me anything. I love conversations with people referring to everything I say...I want everything I say and do - to be reciprocated
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• No NSFW profiles (checking mental health subreddits NOT included as I'm a huge empath and always try to understand others) - Please! I'm not looking for anyone to flirt with and I'm not looking for a partner either. I always check people's profiles (even comment history) - To avoid guys, trying to get inappropriate pictures from adult women or? flirt with them + I don't want to see you with no clothes on so If you're on Reddit only because you want others to see what's underneath your clothes - I'm not for you! I just simply don't want to see any s e x related activity on your profile If you want to talk to me.
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• If both of us (you and I) are from the same country (I live in a non-English speaking country) - I want to communicate with you in our first language! No - Not because I don't understand English - because as you see - I do. Why then? English is simply overrated and people don't appreciate other languages as much as they should. So.. If we're from the same country and you want to talk only in English (which is quite common on reddit) - Talk to someone else. I just don't want to talk to a person from the same country as mine - in a foreign language as It's just something I don't understand even If all you want is to improve your language skills
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• Please only adult people 18-36 (age range) It doesn't matter to me If you're younger or older than me (as long as you're not underage) So.. don't worry! I just want to have discussions with emotionally mature people :)
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• I don’t respond to messages I don’t find interesting even If they're long - If after receiving and reading your message I don't feel comfortable or think "I wouldn't get along with him/her" I simply do not respond (what I’m suggesting is that I don’t always respond to someone’s first or second message because..sometimes you just know If you’d get along with someone or not- I’d never ignore anyone after days or weeks of daily conversations though) just because I don’t want to do anything forcefully & because I don’t want to lead anyone on. I read all messages but I definitely don't respond to all of them! I want to make it clear because I don't want to be accused of not responding and not reading people's messages! - Some people don't message me back as well and even If It's a bit disappointing I'm ok with that! - as long as there's no emotional bond - Not responding to someone's first or second message Is completely OK! If people think they wouldn't get along with a stranger - is there a reason to start a conversation? I don't think so. I can't stand being ignored after days or weeks of daily conversations and seeing people changing priorities over time.. but that's something different - something I don't want to go through ever again for real. If I'm really interested in someone's message it's impossible to hear from me "I'm too busy" because I know myself and If I had no time for others - I wouldn't be here. I don't want to pretend someone I'm not and always try to find some cheap excuses to avoid others. (unlike most people who don't want to talk to others)
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• Don’t ask me “Can you tell me something about yourself?” If you really want to get to know me - you can ask me questions :) I'm an open book.
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• It would be better If you guys were into emojis - like me - to describe your emotions In text messages. Two emojis - 🙂 and 🙁 are completely enough! I just don't like emotionless conversations.I also don't like it when people say "yeah" or yea"as it sounds dismissively. First impression Is everything to me! I want to see your kindness even in a text message - Emojis are very helpful to express your emotions.I don't want to meet people who say "crying Is a weakness" - It's OK to cry even If you're a guy!
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• I want to talk on reddit first (just to make sure If I'd get along with you) before moving to Discord or some other app
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• I would rather talk to a homebody - not another person who always has something to do as people who are very busy don't even have time for daily conversations
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• If you're another person interested only in "childish conversations" such as "HEYOOO! I'M BORED! Ya like Pizza or cheese? xDDDD 🤣" I'm begging you! Don't send me a message.I'm not a child anymore and such messages don't make me smile or laugh.I'm looking for someone interested In serious discussions - not another person just seeking some entertainment out of boredom . Conversations with sarcastic undertones (even when It comes to some emojis such as 🤣😂) are not for me. Your typing style matters to me! Why? when It comes to online conversations with someone new - It's not always possible to know If someone Is laughing at you.. or with you. Let me tell you something else! Jokes about cancer, disabilities and death are UNACCEPTABLE to me. If you find joy In someone else's misfortune you are not a person I want to know.
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• Time response matters to me a lot! I would never ask anyone to be online all day long and I'm NOT asking any of you for any instant messaging as I'm someone who would rather wait an hour or two to receive a proper response instead of some short and pointless messages but I'm interested only in daily conversations and I don't want to wait any longer than 6 hours to get a message from you.I don't need unbelievably long messages either! Messages as long as the second paragraph of my post - are completely enough. If you like longer messages? you can send me a longer message, but If you want to send me one word or one sentence as a response to my post - don't expect a reaction from me. I don't want to come across as rude - I just don't want to waste your time
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• I'm strongly AGAINST picking on people you don't even want to chat with - and making fun of them! I can't stand people who criticize others publicly or make fun of them! (only because they disagree with someone they don't even know) There's no place In my life for someone using Reddit, to hurt other people
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• I'm not into foul language and I definitely don't want to talk to people who swear a lot...
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• I want to meet assertive people who know what they want and always stand up for their friends
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• I want to meet someone willing to call me In the future, someone spontaneously sending me pictures of animals or food, et cetera. I want more than just text conversations.. 🌻
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Why can’t you see any of my hobbies listed down below? Because what really matters to me is..who you are (If you’re honest, talkative ,understanding, caring and trustworthy – for example) just simply – It matters to me what you’re like! not what you like.Don’t get me wrong – you can tell me what your hobbies are but from my point of view - people's hobbies are important - If you want to find a gaming buddy or If you want to meet someone to hang out with in real life and..go bowling for example.What most people seem to care about are other people's passions – I don’t. I get along with other people despite having completely different hobbies but I absolutely don’t get along with people way different than me (different expectations and outlook on life – way different sense of humor or personality traits – It’s just an example) It doesn't make ANY DIFFERENCE to me If you're a gamer or? Someone interested in photography! It doesn't make any difference - > as long as you're talkative and kind and If you also want to find someone willing to stay in your life..for good - But If you're into small talk and all you want is to...type and receive super short messages or If you're here only because you're bored and don't know what to do + If you're a very sarcastic person - I'm definitely not for you! I don't get along with overly sarcastic people turning everything into a joke. Friendships should be natural – not forced. I wouldn't get along with people who laugh at everything.. In my opinion most people are way too sarcastic.. It's quite sad... Sarcasm can also be another form of passive-aggressive behavior.
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People who want to be to friends should feel comfortable and have something in common. No - not necessarily a similar taste in music or movies but something else..Most friendships don't fizzle out because of people not having the same hobbies but..because they just simply have different expectations when It comes to something important.I'm not here out of boredom and trust me - I'm not here to meet as many people as possible.I choose quality over quantity.I highly value myself and my time & Sometimes one person but a person who makes you feel comfortable and understood - is more than enough :) We ALL can choose what kind of people we’d like to talk to and maybe even become really good friends with and I? I don’t want anyone to be disappointed.We all have some expectations after all.I know that people don't have to talk as often as possible in order to become friends but I'm interested only in daily conversations. If you really need someone to talk to due to loneliness and If you have time to talk to me daily (throughout the day and maybe even night) I always make time for others.I'm literally always available.I could even stay up all night long only to talk to someone important to me. I’m ready to commit but only If there’s some chemistry between me and someone else.I don’t do anything forcefully.
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If you want to talk to me tell me your story - tell me why you're here, what kind of friend would you like to meet :) Et cetera.Such messages are way more interesting to me than...someone's long list of hobbies. I know! It's unusual on reddit but I don't make friends based on hobbies..I want to meet someone with the same mindset as mine to finally feel understood and get close to someone new. You can share your problems with me - I absolutely don't mind "complaining" as I've been through a lot in my life.What do people usually tell you when you tell them that something's wrong? "Don't complain" or "Life's not over yet - one day you'll be happy" or "There are worse situations than yours" and..obviously "Find a therapist" Life's not a fairytale and sometimes things don't go as planned.Emotions shouldn't be bottled up.I'm sick of people always telling others "everything's gonna be ok" move on " & more..Trust me people - not everyone wants to hear "Just believe in yourself and everything's gonna be ok" Some people take it as reassurance - but others? They would rather hear something different 🙁Imagine being told that things will be okay, only for them to get worse..Do you guys know why telling someone "everything's gonna be ok" Is wrong? Because you can't see the future.
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You can't guarantee others that one day they'll finally be happy + when It comes to social interactions - We're responsible only for ourselves - not others & as you guys know people let us down quite often (sometimes even when there's no reason) so instead of telling people how they should move on, forget everything and be happy or asking them to find a therapist - be there for them! Always be willing to listen to them If you really like them or want to get to know them & don't suggest everyone in a tough situation to find a therapist because even the best therapist won't ever replace a true friend + It's quite normal to be disappointed If people always do something to hurt you. Sharing your hardships with other people in a very similar situation or exactly the same one - is VERY helpful If the other person understands you & wants to start all over by just letting it all out! Feeling emotional support instead of always hearing some "positive quotes" or someone saying "Stop complaining let's talk about something else - Is very important! "Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on. I appreciate sensitive people who always try to understand others. If after hearing a sad story all you want to say is "forget the past and move on" you're not for me. It's important to be a good listener and provide emotional support to others
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Please - If you're a completely different person than the described type of person I'm looking for (If you love abbreviations,If you don't need a stable friendship, If you're sarcastic and quiet) or If you simply disagree with my post - don't force yourself to send me a message.I want my new potential friendship to be natural which is why I want you to contact me only If your needs are the same - I don't want you to pretend someone you're not - only to please me - Pretending to be someone you're not - is the worst.I want to finally be happy again & find someone "always" wanting to talk - sending me random pictures throughout the day - food pictures or pictures of some animals. What is the most important to me? I want to find people who value online friendships as much as they would value real life ones as there's another human being on the other side
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No comments please.Only Private messages and chat requests 🌺
I know It's possible to meet people with exactly the same expectations as mine but It's just not easy because most people are Interested In temporary and entertaining conversations. People like me are just "different" I really want to finally find someone who loves emojis as much as I do.. someone who loves sweet, warm and serious discussions at the same time. Emojis really do - change conversations 😊

Alright, "✨forever✨ person" came off a bit more possessive than I thought but I'm rolling with it. Or rather, ✨we're✨ rolling with it since you've read this far.
 
Anywho, I've been on the dating apps for longer than I'd like to admit and have yet to find that special someone. I figure that it doesn't hurt to explore other avenues (posting on Reddit) to see who is out there and take a different approach (posting on my NSFW account and starting with kink compatibility(usually the last thing I talk about with people when I date)). Before that, I just want to note that I am looking for something in person only. Please be near the Boston, Massachusetts area if you reach out! Online dating and long distance relationships just don't work well for me, sorry!
 
Let's talk ✨kink✨! Alright, that was the last sparkle emoji, I swear. Kink is important to me but it isn't everything to me. I fall into the "mostly in the bedroom only" category and especially like to keep the D/s aspect there as well, unless it's being used playfully. Outside of kink, I view my partner as my equal and expect the same in return. I am a switch and I lean more submissive than not. So, naturally, I am looking for a switch who leans more dominant than not to complement that. Connection is far more important to me than ensuring that our laundry lists of kinks has sufficient overlap, but I'm happy to chat further about that in private if it's important to you!
 
Relationship-wise, I am ultimately looking to live the DINKWAD (Double Income No Kids With A Dog(or ten)) lifestyle. I don't want children of my own, but I plan on being the cool uncle to my friend's children. I am content/happy with my life as it is and am looking for someone who is in a similar spot. I value independence, trust, mutual respect, and, most importantly, silliness/goofiness/playfulness. I don't do well with excessive clinginess, though a small amount can be endearing.
 
Personality-wise I am not very serious at all. I am very playful and I love to laugh and make others laugh. I'm super affectionate when I get comfortable enough and I call everyone dude. Did the dude part belong in that sentence? No. Will I call you dude in weirder contexts? Yes. I'm a healthy balance between a homebody and someone who likes to do too much and regrets having no time left to be a homebody. I'm nerdy and like to describe myself as "a nerd who lifts". In levels of nerdiness, I'm a Star Wars nerd not a Star Trek nerd. Not that I like Star Wars, I think it's bad. Don't even @ me. My main hobbies are weight lifting, hiking, video games, D&D, anime/manga, travelling, road trips, day trips, cooking, baking, and spending time with my friends. I have a good career in tech and am fairly career driven at the moment (until my next promotion). Physically, I am 5'8" and weigh entirely too much right now. The diet is in progress to de-fat myself but, sadly, that takes time. I have loads of very NSFW videos on my profile if you want to see what I look like. Look at your own discretion.
 
I am not sure what else to write. If you are interested and would like to chat then I'd love to hear a bit about you! However, just to be transparent, it's unlikely that I'll send a face picture to you given what is on my profile. There are so many scammers and blackmailers out there that it's unhealthy to not have that sense of paranoia... That's not to say that I haven't sent them before, but if that is your minimum expectation then you're not going to have a good time. That being said, I don't expect a face picture from you either. I'm more than happy to go on a blind date and just have fun.

This wild ride started 1 year ago when I read Peter's book and decided to start exercising and eating healthier. My original post 4-5 months ago was here: https://www.reddit.com/PeterAttia/comments/19d8wcg/lost_weight_but_cholesterol_went_up/
Fast forward to today, here are my data points and what has changed:
2019 - 2022 baseline: (measured annually)
TC - 230s
HDL - high 50s
LDL - 160-170
ApoB - only data point in 2019 was 118
HbA1C - 5.4-5.6
AST / ALT - 20/13 avg.
Jan 2024 - pretty much as described in the list above, I did 7 months of exercise, lost weight, low carbs, lots of meat, including red meat, keto diet. My lipid panal shot up through the roof, but HbA1C dropped like a tank.
TC - 300
HDL - 56
LDL - 235
ApoB - 140
HbA1C - 4.8
AST / ALT - 19/11
Needless to say, my physician wants me to start statins, they were tagging me with all kinds of labels like Familial hyperlipidemia. Primary wanted me to start with Crestor 20mg. I negotiated down to 10mg, then I took it down to 5mg myself because I felt very weak when on 10mg and also realized Asians are supposed to start at 5mg dose as recommended by Crestor. I also started serious diet changes that took out red meats and anything that had excessive saturated fat. 6 weeks later here are the results:
TC - 212
HDL - 56
LDL - 142
ApoB - Doc didn't order this
HbA1C - 5.2
AST / ALT - 20/13
We had good results for just 6 weeks, but it wasn't enough as doc wants to get LDL under 100. I know Peter cares way more on ApoB so I was just going to get that at next test. I was bummed that HbA1C went up, but happy to see my liver is handling the statin okay with normal AST / ALT. I requested to add Ezetimide 10mg to the treatment. Research has shown the combination of low-dose statin and ezetimide is more effective than a high-dose statin alone. I posted about this here as well. This is a great way to minimize potential side effect of statins. I figured adding ezetimide will get the final push to lower my LDL to below 100. I stayed the course on exercise and diet changes, still very minimal red meat and saturated fat. 3 months of this, here are the results I just got today:
TC - 114
HDL - 59
LDL - 47 (calculated), 40 (direct)
ApoB - still waiting on this, usually takes 2-3 days extra
HbA1C - 5.3
AST/ ALT - 24/18
Wow... I did not this coming. I genuinely think these are too low at this point and we overshot. Yes I know I should speak to my doctor about this and I certainly will. I am posting here to provide this very interesting data point. I know 1 case isn't enough to prove anything, but for me personally, this proved two things:

1. low dose statin and ezetimide works extremely well, no need to do a high-dose statin like the initial prescription.
   
2. diet has A LOT of effect on lipid panel, especially saturated fat intake.
   

I am now looking to reduce my medication. I know there are two extremes on this sub, one that loves statin and would take the highest dose tolerated by side effects while lowering LDL / ApoB to as low as possible, and the other side that will not touch any medication whatsoever. I'm really in between, I don't mind pharmaceutical help, but rather minimize it if possible. Here is what I think my options are:
A. Lower statin dose to 2.5mg with 10mg ezetimide. I would just cut the 5mg in half or take 5mg every other day.
B. Skip the statin and just take 10mg ezetimide only .
C. No medication at all.
I would do whichever option above for 3 months and test again. I am currently leaning towards option B. Tom Dayspring has said that a higher HDL in the 50-60s could mean someone is a hyper-absorber of cholesterol. Ezetimide blocks cholesterol absorption in the intestines. I know ezetimide has had mediocre effects alone for most people, but it really depends on the cause of high cholesterol.
Ezetimide works very well for hyper-absorbers, which is a low percentage of people with high chlesterol. If my lipid panel shoots up in 3 months, I could always add back the statin by going to option A. Ezetimide also has way less potential side effects vs. statin. Statin has shown to raise HbA1C and potentially AST / ALT. My HbA1C was definitely raised after starting statin, but this could also come from not as low carb as before.
Which options above would you recommend in my case ? (Yes I'm aware this is reddit and I should not seek medical advice here, this is just for discussion purposes for all of us that are interested in this topic and I will absolutely discuss with my doctor)

Ann sat on the table next to the first aid kit. She looked confused and responded in a subdued voice, "...how exactly do you fall out of a car?" Weston grabbed the alcohol wipe before Ann could reach it. There were at least a dozen zeds stalking around outside. Maybe more. The two of them were mostly secure as long as they didn't make any loud noises.
"It was cramped and the key was, well, sorta... the hiking bag maybe got hooked... I don't know," Weston sounded annoyed. "I fell out."
Before the apocalypse, Ann's whole life had been planned out. She was going to do an internship this summer. She was starting her last year of high school next year. She was planning to attend Louisville State University. Well, was, but she didn't know what to do now. Weston peeled back the dirty bandage and started cleaning the wound himself.
While Weston tended his cut, Ann examined it. His sleeve had been ripped off. The scratch was not too deep, but his arm and shirt were covered in blood. Mostly other people's blood, she assumed, provided you could even call them "people" anymore. The open wound was more intense than any of the images in her book, First Aid Volume I. Ann wanted to help, but Weston preferred to be self-sufficient in these situations. She had learned that much in their short time together.
Now thinking about it, Ann realized this was the first time they've sat down together since he saved her life. It must have been a week or two ago at this point. Ann still couldn't quite remember what happened. The book described it a "traumatic" experience.
trau-mat-ic. Adjective. Emotionally disturbing or distressing.
Synonyms: upsetting, horrifying, terrifying
Ann scoffed to herself. Her entire existence had became a never-ending trauma. One moment she was pinned down by a zed. The next, a crowbar swung out of nowhere and caved it's head in. Then she woke up in this maintenance building. The room was spacious, but full of large crates and random junk, making it rather cramp. It had a couple of entrances, but was otherwise unremarkable. The only window had a sheet over it. Since the power had went out almost a month ago, the room was shrouded in darkness except for the dim light cast by an old lantern.
Ann hated everything about this place. The boredom of sitting inside all day was excruciating. She felt trapped.
She couldn't take it anymore.
"Am I a prisoner?" Ann asked bluntly.
"What?" Weston was bewildered. "Umm... no. No, of course not."
"Well, then can I come with you on your–"
Weston interrupted her, "Absolutely not. You wouldn't be safe out there."
"Am I even safe in here?"
"The world is no place for a kid right now," Weston lectured her, " and you're lucky to be alive as it is."
"No. Look at your arm. YOU'RE lucky to be alive," Ann retorted, starting to raise her voice, "and I'm NOT A KID!"
"SHHH," Weston snapped in a harsh tone, "The Answer Is No. Period."
"SO I AM A PRISONER!" Ann yelled back, her face red with anger.
Thump. Ann gasped and covered her mouth.
Thump. Thump. The main door shook against the dead weight slamming against it.
"God. Dammit." Weston cursed under his breadth, "Is This How You Want To Die?" He hastily wrapped a ripped sheet around his arm and grabbed his crowbar. He rushed toward the side entrance.
Thump-Thump. Thump-Thump. The beating increased in frequency as a second zed joined the first.
Weston swung the side door open, revealing a small exterior area enclosed by a high metal fence. Another zed, alerted by the sudden movement, smashed itself against the chain links. Weston vaulted over the fence and darted around a corner before it could react.
Thump-Thump-Thump. Thump-Thump-Thump. More zeds joined in to smash the side door.
Ann fell off the table and landed on the ground. There. I can hide under there. She tried to crawl toward a nearby bed, but she was frozen with terror. Come on. Move. MOVE. Please move.
Swing. Swing. Push. Swing. Smash.
Thump-Thump. Thump-Thump.
The main door swelled under the pounding pressure.
Swing. Thump-Thump. Swing. Smash. Thump. Thump. CRACK.
The door burst into pieces. Scuffled footsteps poured into the interior.
Ann could hear the zed's heavy breathing on the other side of the crates. She squeezed her eyes closed, petrified with fear. The zed stalked closer and closer. Her heart was pounding so hard she could hardly take a breadth.
Weston dashed in through the main entrance and yelled at the top of his lungs, "HEY!" Several zeds turned and shambled full speed in his direction.
Swing. Swing. Smash. Brains splattered across the room, drenching the nearby crates in a chunky, dark ooze.
Weston bolted back outside. Ann could hear Weston continuing to yell frantically.
"OVER HERE!"
"Hey"
"over here"
"..."
""
The chorus of undead snarls faded toward the sound of Weston's voice.
Then silence.
= = =
Ann sat alone under the table, still too afraid to cry. Weston usually said the same thing every time he left: stay right there, be quite, and I'll be back before sunset.
Night had fallen. Ann knew Weston wasn't coming back. A slight breeze echoed through the open doors. What have I done? She leaned her head on the crate next to her and a tear ran down her cheek. I'm so useless.
She was exhausted, and so tired. So desperately, inhumanly tired. She closed her eyes, not able to stay awake any longer. So what if this is how I die?
I deserve it.
= = =
Weston returned in the morning and found Ann hiding under the table. "How did you get under here?" he said gently while reaching down to pick her up.
"Fine," Weston said to himself, carefully placing the doll in his satchel.

I (20M) recently cut ties with my online friend (29M) last Sunday or so. My reason being was because I couldn't tolerate his hurtful jokes anymore. The joke in question was him criticizing my playstyle in one of my favorite video games (context for the gamers in this subreddit, I was playing Monster Hunter: Rise and he could not stop slandering my playstyle of being a Longsword main). Mind y'all, I was just playing by myself in a Discord voice call and he wasn't even playing with me. He has been at it with the same insult over and over for the past month or so and I just got fed up.
Although I felt like I handled the situation poorly, because I started shouting at him, saying that I've had enough. He also had the audacity to blame me for "beginning the arguement". With so much emotions bottled up in my mind, I just left the voice call and stepped away from my computer for a few hours to calm down.
I talked to my mom about it and she adviced me to immediately cut ties with him, because she doesn't want me to be stuck in a situation like that ever again (this wasn't the first time I've had problems with online friends lol). So I did what she told me and I felt peace for a few days, but also felt like as if something was missing.
As of now, I'm still trying to process what I had to deal with, because I am so not used to blocking people out of my life without giving proper closure. It seemed somewhat wrong, but I definitely have no intentions of rekindling our friendship again.
The "friend" in question was never like this to me up until last April or so. I looked up to the dude like as if he was my big bro. It was as if he's not treating me as a friend anymore, wherein he doesn't sympathize nor show any kind of joy when we conversate. Basically, no fucks given at all.
What do y'all think? Did I do the right thing or not?

Last month, The Bad Batch came to its end with a quite explosive finale. And I made no mystery that I had a few issues with how this story wrapped up. After all the build-up we had in the previous episodes, the finale kinda fell flat, especially on a few meaningful plot threads that were basically dropped unceremoniously. Of course, I still love this show despite everything; this post is not meant to be a criticism towards the show creators: it's their show, and they did what they wanted with it. But I figured it wouldn't hurt to try to imagine a different ending just for the fun of it. I have no pretension to claim that my take is objectively better by any means; it's just different, some people may like it, other my prefer the ending we got or a completely different one and there is nothing wrong with it.
Also, I need to clarify that this whole thing came to me almost by itself in a moment when I just had the right inspiration to collect all the random ideas I had in the back of my mind and put them in a somewhat cohesive order. I admit that it might feel a little disjointed at times, and for that I apologize, but I wrote it in less than two hours and I didn't want to change it too much before posting it. I'm not a professional writer, and this post is meant to be just a fun experiment. Now, in order for this ending to work, we would definitely need to make the finale longer: half an hour should be enough and would make the finale as long as the pilot. Also, a few scenes, like Omega's escape with the kids and the unleashing of the Zillo beast could be moved at the end of the penultimate episode, to gain a little more time for the finale (would be nice if Omega were the one to control it through the Force, but that's a whole other can of worms I'm not ready to open).
My alternate ending differs from the original in three key aspects: first, Rex is present to play a small but important part in the mission on Tantiss, and ideally he would bring along a few of his men, including Howzer and Gregor. Rescuing the clones from Tantiss has always been his quest since late season 2; the Batch basically tagged along just to save Crosshair, and later Omega. Why would Rex only send Echo on this very important mission? They could have easily explained his arrival on Tantiss in various ways. Maybe they could have said Echo sent him the coordinates. Or even better, they could have showed that the ship they used to hitch a ride on the science vessel had a tracker on it, so that Rex could follow: just like they originally planned to do on Eriadu.
Second, the CX troopers would have a more meaningful role in the climax, without being just reduced to mindless NPCs that need to be killed: Rex and the others know very well that those clones are all victims; which leads me to the third, most obvious, point: Tech is revealed as CX-2. Now, I don't want to start another debate on the subject: no use to argue about it now that the show is over. I had my reasons to believe that the story could only benefit from Tech being alive, and I had plenty of reasons to believe CX-2 was actually him. This is just my opinion, and you are not forced to agree with it; if you think Tech's disappearance was handled correctly or that it was necessary for "stakes" or whatever reason, then it's fine. It's just that my version works with him being alive, in order to give us a proper pay-off with a complete family reunion. So, now that the premise is over, I can finally start to explain how the ending would be different in my take:
The big changes would start during the scene in the training chamber. Like in the original, while Hunter, Crosshair and Wrecker are being reconditioned, Hemlock does his evil monologue, where he mentions the last time they saw each other, after losing a brother and says that "history my repeat itself". To me, those lines seemed to be specifically written for a Tech reveal, so in this scene Hemlock actually has CX-2 unmask himself: maybe he could say something like "Isn't this a lovely family reunion?", while the others are being reconditioned, and can't even say a word as they look in horror at what their brother has become. As Hemlock leaves the room to answer Tarkin's call, Echo, Rex and the others are the ones dealing with the CX troopers down below while CX-2 (and not the other big guy) is the one watching over the others as Omega comes to rescue them. As soon as Omega recognizes Tech, she calls him by his name, and hearing it for the first time causes something to trigger in the assassin's mind. Then the scene goes differently after Omega frees the others.
They all try to fight against Tech who still has the upper hand for various reasons. We know he's a capable fighter and the smartest of the group. He's also actively trying to harm them, while the others are pulling their punches. Not to mention Omega is too weak for him, Hunter and Crosshair are already depleted and Wrecker is also injured. During the fight, however, the others try to talk to him, and he clearly starts to hesitate, especially when he hears some words that he might recognize. Even after being incapacitated, Crosshair is the one that's more desperate in trying to reason with his brother, by bringing up his personal experience with the chip and telling him that it's never too late to do the right choice. But then Hemlock, noticing Tech's weird behavior, calls him with the order to bring Omega to the landing platform for a quick escape. So he's the one who drags her on the bridge while she still desperately tries to reason with her brother, begging him to remember who he is, possibly referencing that conversation they had in the cave back in season 2.
Now, before the climax, we need to talk about the other 3/4 assassins that Echo, Rex and the others would be dealing with. Of course, they wouldn't just kill them, but they would make an effort not to harm them, trying to stun them instead. Unlike Tech, these assassins won't be freed from their mind control immediately, we could say it's because the chip has made the reconditioning take better hold of them. We'll leave the door open for Rex and the others to figure out a way to cure them after taking them away from Tantiss (no matter what, they're still their brothers). As an added bonus, we could reveal two of them to be named clones that we know of. One could be Cody, since Rampart could have lied about him being AWOL; in this scenario, I would also say that Cody should be the one to cut Crosshair's hand, adding another layer to their interesting dynamic. Another one might be Wolfe, who also might have tried to desert after Teth, or maybe they just took him before he could even start to doubt the Empire (apologies if this doesn't align well with Rebels: correct me if that's the case). This will, of course, add even more tension to the fight with Rex and the others; maybe, as cruel as it might be, he could be the one to kill Howzer, tough it's not mandatory, and personally I don't like pointless deaths.
Now, on the bridge the scene is a little different; my ideas can be a little confusing from now on so bear with me. Omega still gets handcuffed to Hemlock while Tech and Scorch are guarding his escape, maybe with a few more stormtroopers who are easily shot down by Hunter and Crosshair. Wrecker is also there this time: though he doesn't have a blaster, he charges straight towards Hemlock, but Tech shoots him on the shoulder and the leg, neutralizing him. So now we have Crosshair and Hunter on one side, Hemlock and Omega on the other like in the show, but we also have Tech, Scorch and the incapacitated Wrecker in the mix. The ship still needs to arrive and land on this specific platform, so we still have time for a brief verbal confrontation between Tech and the others during this stalemate. Hemlock tries to prove a point by giving Tech the order to finish off his brother, but Crosshair finally manages to breach through him by asking him "When have you ever followed orders?", to which Tech finally breaks free of the reconditioning on his own ("We do not need help. We will figure out a solution, as we always do").
Without thinking twice, Tech shoots Scorch to disarm him but in turn Scorch tackles him off the railing and they both fall; Tech manages to throw a grappling hook on the bridge and Wrecker, crawling on his side, is able to catch the rope before it snaps. Tech is still dangling for his life while Scorch is still clutching his leg, but Wrecker, despite his injuries, is not willing to let him go this time. The tension is high, and the ship for Hemlock has finally arrived, but Omega manages to stay calm and collected and so do Hunter and Crosshair. Just like in the show, she manages to stab Hemlock, allowing Crosshair to shoot the handcuffs with Hunter as a "tripod". Finally free from Hemlock, Omega rushes to help Tech, grabbing his hand after he finally manages to kick away Scorch. After everyone is safe, Wrecker starts to embrace Tech with all the strength he has left, crying as he promises that he'll never let him fall again, while Omega runs to Crosshair and Hunter, and they hug just like in the show: that scene was perfect, so I wouldn't change it one bit. Then of course there is a whole group hug (Echo may join as well), with a softer yet triumphal variation of the main theme in the background.
After the clones are back on the ship, headed to Pabu, Tech apologizes to his brothers for the harm he caused as Hemlock's puppet, describing how terrible it was to act as a soulless assassin while desperately struggling with his mind to break free. Crosshair apologizes to Tech for choosing the Empire over them and for indirectly causing his fall and capture. Tech reassures him not to feel guilty about it, and says that he made his choice when he executed Plan 99, and that, if he could go back, he would still do it, though Hunter jokingly orders him to never do that again, with Omega immediately backing him up. And I don't think I would need to add anything else after this. The rest can go on pretty much as in the original episode; we only need to spare a minute for a proper reunion between Tech and Phee ("Better late than dead") and of course everyone will be sitting under that tree in the end.
And there you have it, this is the best I could come up with after letting my mind wander for a couple of hours. Could have this been plausible? Maybe not. Is it perfect? Definitely not. Is it better than the original ending? I'll let you be the judge to that. But I still wanted to share it with you guys, as a testament to how much I love this show and these characters. Thank you, if you managed to stick this far; whether you liked it or not, hopefully I managed to entertain you a little with my ramblings. Have a good day, and may the Force be with you, always.

ever since i was in elem, i always had a problem with my hygiene. i admit, i wasn't the best to put an effort to myself, but i didn't realize the backlash would be this destructive. for as long as i can remember, i noticed i tend to sweat a lot, little things like talking to someone, going on a short walking distance always make me sweat— not just one the head, but of all the parts of my body as well. i always panic when i sweat, i wasn't even doing anything extra but i just can't control it. to make it worse, it smells. you'd realize by now, i'm feeling embarrassed to even share this but i'm really desperate rn.
it smells onion-y. but i hate onions and such, even garlic i don't like. what do i do? i started to change schools last year, thinking i could maybe start a new "life" as apparently, i was treated like shit or even ridiculed on behind on my last school. but my past just doesn't let me go, yet. i'm downright having a hard time in everyday that i go to school, and going home soaked in my own pool of horrible smell, from my pits to my folds down there. i tried deodorants and antiperspirants, but they just make it worse, and on some, just mask it. and at the end of the day, after a shower or so, when i start sweating without the deodorants, the smell starts again.
it's frustrating. i've been trying a lot of recommendations and solutions i see here. i can't bring myself to the doctor either, my parents are busy people and if i ever tell them about this, they'd only say calamansi is the key. but i've tried that too, still a fail. i'm sorry, this is such a long post. i just need to get it off my chest :(
right now, i'm using betadine cleanser and glycolic acid the original, i'm still waiting for the effects. the first days of using glyco was no better, but i'm trying to be patient. and it's hard. i usually hear alot from my classmates giving insults to someone they don't like, every little wrong move doesn't go unseen by them. it's no question if they ever did that to me too :( please help me, i'm still young and i want to enjoy as much of my youth without ruining my chances of even starting it.... what do i do?

Hi everyone! So I’m beginning to renovate our guest bathroom in our 1926 craftsman home. I planned on starting by stripping the paint from the window trim and fixing one of the bead board walls that was cracked. I was hoping the whole trim would be fine to strip, but I’m just going to replace the window trim with new white oak since the stool and apron of the trim are in bad shape. Now for the part I need y’all’s help with… I decided to replace the whole wall with new bead board because of a couple horizontal cracks that were near the bottom of the window, but after starting to remove it I’m questioning how to repair what’s underneath so it’s good for new bead board. Something else that concerned me was that everywhere along the bead board was solid but when I would push down on the areas near the cracks they would move inwards. Now I’m worried that there has been water damage from the cracks in the bead board letting humidity move behind the board, but I’m unsure exactly what the cause is. Anyways, I need to rip out this wall of bead board but in the spot where the cracks were the material left behind is crumbling. I should also mention on the top halves of the bathroom walls there is plaster and it’s in good shape, but the beadboard on this one wall just needs to go. I’m not a contractor, but I want to learn how to fix this and any advice would be so greatly appreciated! Specifically, tips for how to remove the bead board to minimize damage underneath, how to fix the crumbling wall, and really anything you think is necessary to know will help me out so much!(:

Had this idea bouncing around in my head about the little ferret guy, Etholin Esila. I figured with him being a 'merchant lord' he'd want to start cutting deals with Emma once the initial curiosity and amazement over Earth tech would have passed. Not sure where this is going, if anywhere, but just wanted to get it out of my head and onto 'paper'.
Thanks to u/DndQuickQuestion for helping with feedback on earlier drafts.
Afternoon Transgracian Academy of Magical Arts
The hulking minotaur loomed menacingly over me. "Crawling along the floor suits you well, Merchant Lord Etholin Esila!” it boomed in an intimidating baritone. “Merchant Lord, pfah! Even a mangy cur such as that Mercenary Prince has a legacy of valor and martial prowess behind his dubious title, but you?”
An accusatory finger was jabbed in my direction. “Nothing but puffery and bluster to buttress your status as a glorified shopkeep! Your ilk claims to broker fair trade between the Realms, but those with integrity and honor recognize the deceit you employ to conjure false value from nothing." It was difficult to tell if Lord Auris Ping's tirade was aimed more at myself, the Esila clan, or the concept of inter-realm commerce in general.
At the moment, I was more concerned with herding my scattered belongings back into my satchel. While rushing to my next appointment, I had the dubious privilege of colliding with this mountain of a brute. Naturally I was on the losing side of that contest, and was sent tail over head to the floor, scattering the contents of my school satchel across the polished granite. Not one to pass up the chance at a crass display of dominance, Lord Ping had launched into the rant that everyone in earshot was currently enduring.
"Look at you, scrabbling on the floor to fetch your little trinkets, a fitting match for your base and covetous nature!" Fairly pedestrian, as far as character assassination went. I’d been called far worse while helping Father with trade negotiations, sometimes at sword or stave point. One had to develop quite a thick hide when engaging in cross-realm commerce. Especially with many realms having rather… absolutist opinions about the value of goods, like Lord Ping here. But I had zero interest in contesting his assertions, despite how idiotic they were.
Haggling or arguing with Pronarthians was a singularly wretched experience. They were infamous across the Realms for their single-mindedness and a compulsive need to have the last word that bordered on lunacy. I didn’t have the patience for the endless ingratiating flattery required to bore through such stubbornness. If that wasn’t enough, a gentleman of my stature also had to consider Pronarthians’ sizeism; specifically their intrinsic respect for the larger and taller races.
And that was merely the average Pronarthian! Arguing with a belligerent lout, accustomed to deference as Lord Ping? I'd sooner try my hand at flying out the nearby window. At least the loamy soil below would give me a fighting chance, or a jagged rock would grant me the mercy of a swift end.
Instead, I busied myself putting my things in order, taking special care with one item in particular. It was a set of memory crystals I received from the Earthrealmer, Cadet Emma Booker. It was part of a ‘transdimensional cultural exchange pilot program,’ as she had described it with her nation’s peculiar bureaucratic jargon. I had previously conducted similar transactions in my initial dealings with Cadet Booker, and it was those first tentative steps that convinced me to make Cadet Booker a full-fledged premiere trade partner of the Ocean Breeze Trading Company, the pride of the Esila clan.
The myriad tomes and treatises from Earthrealm, such as the riveting "The Wealth of Nations," amply demonstrated that Earthrealm had an extremely sophisticated understanding of commerce, finance, and logistics. But it was the ‘video archive footage,’ transferred onto memory crystals for ease of viewing, that convinced me at a visceral level that these Earthrealmers were a sound investment. I felt it on my whisker-tips, as the commoners back home would say.
"May I offer a helping hand, Lord Esila?" inquired a familiar voice. I looked up to see a scaly, clawed hand extended toward me. “And perhaps a sympathetic ear? After all, that was a rather nasty bit of slander from Lord Ping, would you not agree?”
Wonderful. This nonsense again.
While I had been lost in thought contemplating Ocean Breeze’s latest windfall, Lord Ping seemed to have lost interest and resumed going about his business. Taking his place, as always, was Lord Qiv Ratom, ever ready to sift through the rubble of Lord Ping's latest ham-fisted antics for personal gain. "You will find that my views differ considerably from Lord Ping's. I, for one, admire the manner in which you extract value from your trade partners. After all, does it not require skill and cunning to convince the customer that your wares are worth far greater than their true value? Such nuance and subtlety is lost on the likes of Auris Ping, content to strong-arm what he desires from others."
I paused for a moment, at a loss for words. His tone suggested his 'praise' was sincere, but only stoked my ire further. What in the thrice-damned Hells did he think he was accomplishing? Did he really think that telling me, "Well, I still regard you as a thief, but I APPRECIATE your thieving nature, unlike that uncouth lout!" was going to win me over? Dealing with parties with this attitude to commerce and trade was tedious at best. But ever since making acquaintances with Cadet Booker, whose people's understanding and appreciation of commerce rivaled the Nexians, dealing with the likes of Ping and Ratom was nigh UNBEARABLE.
I rattled off the usual rigmarole we used at Ocean Breeze for clients we wished to keep at arm's length. "With respect, Lord Ratom, the value of the goods we sell is determined by the customer's needs and circumstances. The merchants of my clan arbitrate prices taking such factors into consideration. We see it as our responsibility to provide equitable trade that is not only beneficial to all parties, but also provides fair compensation for the tradesmen involved in executing the transaction."
"But of course, it is as you say," replied Lord Ratom with his signature oily charisma. "Fair and equitable trade, according to the customer's circumstances. Thus, you are but a facilitator of the Fates, a most humble tool of Destiny itself. And one who collects a respectable commission, at that," he continued. He stopped short of winking conspiratorially, but the impish grin playing across his features was a fine substitute. Every mote of my being wanted to shake him until he shed his skin. He continued, "Your... humility aside, my admiration of your clan's cunning and resourcefulness still stands. The insight of one so skilled is always welcome within my inner circle, should you wish to grace us with your presence."
It took all my restraint to not tell him into which orifice he could jam his charity-case friendship offer. After all, I'd been keeping far better and more like-minded company of late. Company that the Baralonian lord was likely dying to ingratiate himself with, given how Cadet Booker and her peer group had taken pains to keep Lord Ratom and his entourage of gossips at arm’s length. Instead, I left the smug reptile’s offer dangling in the air, twisting in the wind for a few agonizing moments while I finished tidying my things. Rising to my feet, I finally replied, "An offer most generous and kind. I will of course, have to consider the circumstances of both customer and merchant. Surely you would not begrudge a humble servant of Fate for waiting for the most auspicious circumstances?" Even at my best, I was hardly a master of rhetoric, so crudely tossing his words back at him was the best I could do.
"As you please, Lord Esila," replied Lord Ratom, finally sensing his return on investment wouldn't be worthwhile, leaving me alone to stew in the hallway. Such was the game played among the aristocracy. I looked down at the bundle of memory crystals in my hands, contemplating on their origin, and how Earthrealm could change how the Esila clan, perhaps even all of Rontalis, played the game.
I continued on my way, thoughts heavy once more.
Evening Ocean Breeze Trading Company, Elaseer Offices, Private Chambers
The Elaseer branch office of the Ocean Breeze Trading Company was a modest affair by Nexian standards, a second-storey affair nestled on the edge of the warehouse district. The restrained yet tasteful trappings were a calculated decision of the Esila clan, proprietors of the trading company. A fine balance had to be struck when it came to outward appearances, after all. Some measure of artful decoration was necessary to appease the Nexian eye’s obsession with projecting might and wealth, but not so much that it would attract too much attention.
Only in the private chambers would a guest finally see some personality in the decor, and a generous measure at that. These were the chambers of the nobleman assigned stewardship of these offices, Lord Rikad Esila, uncle to Etholin Esila. Colorful murals with aquatic motifs adorned the walls, highlighted with tastefully matching lacquered panels featuring artwork done in mother-of-pearl inlay. Similar decor was present in the dining room, where uncle and nephew were currently enjoying what Rikad thought would be a leisurely dinner.
CRACK!
The sharp sound rang out loud and clear in the small room, the source being a steamed crab claw, dashed to pieces on a smooth river stone placed between the two diners at the table.
Lord Rikad's branch of the Esila line hailed from the wetlands of Rontalis that opened up into the sea, and they regularly partook of the ocean's bounty. In antiquity, they were known to smash shellfish and other armored morsels against stones they carried with them to lay bare the tasty prizes within. This dining set configuration was a modern interpretation of that old tradition, with a communal stone for guests to open their shellfish.
Of course, such a homestyle service was available solely behind closed doors and shuttered windows and only then to Rikad and his close associates. Here in the Crownlands, such a 'barbarous and unseemly' artifact would be frowned upon by the prevailing Nexian culture and their gold and mother-of-pearl seafood forks that split the shell with a simple tap. But young Etholin labeled that languid dining as a boring conversational backdrop, inferior to the communal excitement of a well-placed strike.
Etholin’s spirited strike had a strong measure of anger behind it, a fact not lost on Rikad. "Steady now, lad. The aim is to crack the shell, not grind it to powder," chided Rikad, an otter clothed in well-tailored robes that melded practicality with muted elegance. He looked aged and gray compared to the ferret-like Etholin, clad in sumptuous silks and embroidery that assertively declared the young lord’s wealth and standing. Etholin hung his head in embarrassment. "Apologies, Uncle. I lost the reins of my temper."
"Well now, aggravated enough to make a mess of my dining set," observed the older gentleman. "It takes a great deal to get your humors churning like this, from my experience. So tell me lad, what urchin needles you?"
"Ugh, more Academy theatrics, what else? With Lords Auris Ping and Qiv Ratom being today’s star players."
"Ah, The Dunce and the Devil," remarked Rikad, nodding with understanding. This wasn't the first time his nephew had related the pestilent pair’s antics. "What two-act farce did they put on this time?"
"Ping opened with the usual blather about merchants being honorless tricksters, with Ratom swooping in to capitalize on the aftermath. Textbook at this point, really," explained Etholin, waving his hand dismissively. "It... it was just the way those two put forward their thoughts. In isolation, each would have been merely irritating. But with one following the other, I was ready to grind my fangs to nubs! To be cursed as a thief on one side, only to be praised as a thief on the other! It was like they were wielding ignorance as one would a greatsword, and managed to cut me with both edges! Gods, I wanted to THROTTLE the idiocy out of them!"
"‘Tis to be expected," said Rikad in consolation. "A great many noble families, even entire Realms at times, came about their status through force of arms or magical prowess, and thus they hold a dim view of commerce as a profession. It is a routine chore for us, navigating around them to find those with less absolutist views on the worth of goods, or more forgiving definitions of 'honest work'. An Adjacent Realm that does not cheat its creditors by altering the weight of its coins or debasing them with base metals and insisting otherwise while hiding behind the safety of their portal is worth its weight in gold."
"Sometimes I feel we ought to cut them out of our affairs entirely and deal with the Nexians, directly and exclusively," mused Etholin bitterly.
"Now, now, though your anger is justified, that's hardly reason for it to take hold of your mind's rudder," cautioned Rikad with a frown. "The Nexians have well-developed philosophies on trade in line with our own, but we only have the resources of a single Realm at our disposal, while the Nexians can leverage the bounty of their never-ending and mana-rich lands. Dealing solely with a behemoth that can devour us with a thought, no matter how frictionless those dealings are, is hardly my idea of a beneficial partnership."
Etholin sighed. "As always, your counsel is sensible, Uncle. Like I said, I lost the reins of my temper in a moment of weakness."
"Don't be so sour on things like this, lad. Our base nature gets the better of us at times, that is the animal within that we all struggle with. That you acknowledged such a lapse and took back the helm is proof that civility prevails. But, enough moping about!" Rikad jumped out of his seat with a little pep in his step. "Looks like we need to guide you back into good spirits, and I know JUST the thing for gentlemen such as us," concluded the elder merchant, twirling his whiskers playfully.
"Somehow I think a night at the theater or music halls will do little for me, Uncle. Or are you suggesting we seek respite at the bottom of a tankard?"
Rikad snorted derisively. "Oh please, I'm not senile yet, pup! Since when has SPENDING money brought joy to anyone worthy of the Esila name?" That made Elothin perk up a bit. Rikad continued, "No, I speak of a PROPER good time, I speak of..."
"COMMERCE!" they cried out in unison, fists held aloft in a triumphant pose. "Does that mean..." began Etholin.
"Indeed, we've just received the latest prototypes for the centralized mana ampoule, linking cords, and so-called 'mana motors'. Perfectly timed with the parts delivery from Cadet Booker not two days ago. Sukie, be a dear and clear this up, and have the remainder bundled up and sent to the young master's rooms at the Academy." Rikad motioned for the housekeepers to clear the table, then ushered Etholin to his private offices where they could discuss business strategy in depth.
Uncle Rikad’s offices were more than just a cozy place where Etholin could get a taste of home. Officially, Rikad was stationed here to oversee the administration of this branch office of the Ocean Breeze Trading Company. In reality, the office was a means to circumvent the Academy's prohibition against students communicating regularly with their home realm. Many aristocratic families employed similar cheats and dodges involving ‘familial duties’ and ‘business obligations’ to skirt the rules. If the Nexians cared about closing such loopholes, they didn’t show it. Perhaps the quaint maneuverings of their lessers amused the elves, who could say?
In this case, Rikad and Etholin were leveraging this loophole to the fullest, as they strategized on how to execute the next steps of their latest commercial venture, which Rikad would then relay to the head offices in Rontalis. As their planning session drew to a close, Rikad remarked on the time. “Well, it would seem that evening has fast become night. You are welcome to stay overnight here, as always, or perhaps you would prefer to retire to the Academy dormitories? Either way, I doubt you’d want to watch an old man doze off in his reading room listening to music.”
At the mention of leisure time, Etholin's eyes widened in surprise, and he began rooting around in his satchel. "Oh goodness, I entirely forgot!"
"What is it, lad?"
"Oh, Cadet Booker has provided us with more of her 'video archive files', transcribed to memory crystal," explained Etholin as he produced the set of crystals from his satchel, perfectly sized for the compact projection device that Rikad kept in his rooms.
"Ah, splendid! Another of the young lady's documentary presentations on commerce? Or perhaps one of her theatrical serials? Both are fine ways to while away the night."
“I’m not sure, but Cadet Booker said we would enjoy them a great deal,” said Etholin as he placed the crystal into the office's projector. As the machine spooled up, a moving image was cast onto the whitewashed wall across the room. As with all Earthrealm recordings, it was entirely mundane, bereft of any sign of manafields. Compared to mana based memory shards, Earthrealm recordings felt like faded sketches. None of that hindered the recording's impact on the viewers.
"Hoh? This is-" exclaimed Rikad, eyes lighting up in recognition.
An Earthrealmer with a thick, lustrous beard strode into view, his confidence and enthusiasm palpable despite the muted colors of the recording. The Earthrealmer’s voice rang out from the projector, carrying that same confidence and infectious enthusiasm like a barker worthy of the title of Grand Master.
Rikad and Etholin cheered in unison.
"HI! BILLY MAYS HERE, WITH ANOTHER GREAT PRODUCT!"

So I (20 F) have been in a long term relationship with my boyfriend (22 M) for four years now. We recently had a discussion regarding a problem that's been eating at him for months now: He mentioned that he's been feeling attracted to other people for long periods of time. His mental health has really taken a toll over this, and he feels so very guilty and has been feeling some sense of self loathing.
I asked him to describe the feeling, and these are what he told me:

• Hes had multiple 'crushes' over the course of our relationship, usually lasting for periods of up to 6 months or so, and that it ebbs and disappears. but lately hes been really anxious about a future where his 'crushes' escalate.
• He says the crush isn't romantic in a sense that he wouldn't date them if he could. He used the term "infatuation" and mentioned that it stems from their artistic abilities or physical appearance.
• He described the feeling as "wanting to be a closer" to them. As far as He told me, he seeks to be a closer friend and makes the effort to do so. ( The current people he's crushing on are part of an organization that he is also part of.) He says it gives him a rush of happiness when he chats with them and they respond, but it gives him sadness when they don't reply or leave him on red, intense enough to impact his mood for the day.
• He mentioned that hes been making progress to try and crub the "crushing" behavior by talking to them less but he says its been hard. He describes it as "feeling like its wrong, but wanting to do it anyways".

while we talked, I did try to make him feel understood. I shared my experience of feeling attracted to other people in the course of my relationship. But i couldn't connect with the length of the infatuation and the intensity. For me, it lasts like a week or two and i never feed the feeling ( never tried to talk to them unprompted or make the effort to seek them out). The attraction was not enough to impact my mood either.
I made boundaries in the relationship and i told him i dont like it if he lets his crushing get in the way of our relationship. i told him i wasn't comfortable if in situations, he chooses to stay or hangout with his crushes if i invited him out or was looking for him. etc.,
I also asked him if it stemmed from dissatisfaction in our relationship, to which he said no. He said he was happy in the relationship and that he could not see a future with the people he's infatuated. He also affirmed that in terms of physical appearance, talent, etc., he said he thought i was more attractive. He said he never considered leaving me for them either. When we fought, he didnt confide in them or seek comfort either.
there was a particularly 'intense' crush though that i picked up on months back. he mentioned being into this one girl who he talked to alot but given the fact that the infatuation had faded, because of the built friendship he couldn't just disappear. She was the kind to initiate calls with all her friends, so they were calling. I called him and caught it. I felt very hurt by it, and he deeply apologized. Now that the infatuation has faded, he rarely talks to her now. Whenever they call he informs me about it, which helps i guess.
He mentioned thinking it was a fear of commitment thats making him act this way. He said he had an inkling of it before we started our relationship, and has mentioned it before. (I always reassured him that we didn't have to take our relationship to marriage, but just take it to where we can. If it lasts, great. If it doesnt, then it is what it is.)
I think its important to mention that he doesn't come from a complete and happy family. I cant divulge much since its his story to tell, but i can say his father and uncles(father and mother's side) all have a history of cheating. hes seen the damage it caused to his mother, and i think its a factor of why hes beating himself so much over this and so very fearful of what it could cause. Hes really fearful for our relationship, his future and what ' emotional harm' he could do.
At this point i was really concerned and didn't want him to spiral into a mental break because of this. But all i know is my perspective on things, and for me normal to feel attraction while still being in a relationship. Im not experienced enough to say what hes going through is normal or a cause for concern. I also dont want to make him feel like hes crazy, wrong or 'dirty' or so. (He grew up super Christian, so monogamous values are tightly instilled him him)
I did opened up the possibility he was just not meant for monogamy. I've met people who are polyamorous, and if he is also more comfortable in a relationship like that, whose to say its wrong? But considering that line of thought as well, i was honest and told him im not comfortable with a poly relationship and would advice considering if were actually right for each other.
We both came to the agreement about seeking therapy, not just for this 'crushing' thing, but also for how much mental anguish its causing him. (Unfortunately, due to the country we live in and money constraints, therapy isn't largely available and the best we could do is a counselor in our college)
still i wanted to ask the opinion from the people of reddit, people who are much more experienced, and people who have different perspectives on the situation.
Please tell us, if you are in a long term relationship, is this something you are experiencing? If so, is there anyway to help him feel less guilty about this, or maybe cope better with his periods of crushing? Thanks so much in advance!
tldr; my bf (M 22) has been infatuated with multiple people over the course of our relationship. Hes wracked with guilt about it and doesn't know how to deal with it.

My first reddit post, hope you guys go easy on me.

1. Her

I met her (let's call her missybusy) through a common friend group. My friends from my previous school were still connected to me and I often used to meet them. She was new to that friend group and it was her first time coming for a meetup. My friend has a pretty big place so a lot of us could accommodate at the same time. I am usually quiet and I talk less. I was sitting in the corner on the sofa and then I saw her enter through the door along with one other friend of mine. And oh my god, I was in awe and amazement because truthfully, I had never seen a girl so pretty and radiant. Her eyes were bright like the moon at night, her complexion fair like milk and her smile was just so beautiful I can’t even describe it in words. She was the quiet one as well so we both were seated in the corner having small to no conversation. This was my first meeting with her and then we met on multiple other meetups and it was always a few words of exchange. One of my friends (let's call him Dave) was actually sort of close to her and they both used to talk frequently. However, some problems arrived between Dave and missybusy and so Dave reached out to me for help. So, I tried to solve matters by talking to both Missybusy and Dave and this is how I started talking properly to Missybusy. I tried to solve the matter and, in the process, I became friends with Missybusy. And she was really fun to talk to! all this time I perceived her to be quiet and less talkative but when I started to talk to her, I realized that she has an amazing personality besides being so pretty. And around that time my friendship with her strengthened and we used to talk frequently but not every day. And somewhere among these conversations I developed a liking for her and so did she. We used to flirt a lot and it was so fun and pure. This went on for around 3 to 4 months and we continued to flirt and talk. And it was around the time of January when she had returned from the farewell of her high school and she showed me the pictures and she looked gorgeous. An absolute angel. And that night of constant flirting I always kept mentioning about another her in front Missybusy, I did that so she wouldn’t suspect that I liked her. But then she got serious and she confessed that she liked me and I was in a small shock but then I confessed to her as well. At this point one would think that this is it, this is where you guys get into a relationship. But no, I actually asked her to wait for our final exams to be over and even she wanted this. Around One and a half month later we went on our first date. And it was peaceful but it was a very dull date to be honest I took her from one place to another which I feel was terrible. I screwed up the first date. But she told me it was really peaceful and so I didn’t think much of it back then. We kept talking over WhatsApp and Instagram for almost another 2 months but we were not in a relationship yet because she said she wanted time and I believed I shouldn’t pressure her so I kept waiting thinking we have all the time in the world. She was an introvert and she didn’t go out much she liked staying at home more and I sort of found this trait cute, although it meant we didn’t get to meet a lot. 2. Dates and Love In the month of June, we went for another date and spoiler alert, this is the day I fell in love with her. We went to watch a movie- Spiderman, into the spider-verse, and to be honest the movie was decently funny and every time Missybusy laughed I looked at her and adored her smile. I noticed she was shivering, she felt cold because the cinema hall was actually very cold so I wrapped my arm around her so she wouldn’t feel cold and she just came closer and the annoying armrest was like a wall in between. In that moment, I made my purest and most honest wish to God (I’m very spiritual and religious). I asked God to always keep Missybusy happy no matter what. After the movie we exited the hall and we were standing near the exit of the mall and just talking and laughing. It was a blissful moment I can never forget that moment ever. She just jokingly pushed me and I literally fell down and I’ve got to say it was funny as hell. And while I was on the ground I saw her laughing so loudly and openly that I… I also fell in love. I was madly in love. We laughed and talked for another half an hour more and then the both of us went home. While on my way to home I realized that I had fallen for her and everything around me felt so soothing, so amazing and I was so happy. This was my favorite day with her and my best day yet. It was perfect, it was divine it was full of amazement and I for the first time felt what is it like to love. One problem I’ve always had is expressing my feelings. I end up thinking what the other person is going to think about my feelings and I’m going to be judged. But I still told her I love you but she hadn’t said it back yet. Another date we went on that she considered her favorite day with me was when we went to have pizzas. At first, we just walked around, talked a lot and laughed together. Held hands and roamed the paths. Then we came across a pizza shop and decided to have some pizza. Oh boy did I know what the day was going to unfold. She has two siblings so she always had been a fast eater when it came to pizzas and ice creams and at that time, I didn’t know that she ate pizzas so quickly. She finished her whole pizzas before I could finish two slices and to be fair, I’ve always been a slow eater and I didn’t eat very spicy food at the time. So, she was done with her pizza way before I had. She added chili flakes to my pizza slice which slowed my pace even more and she just sat there watching me eat and laughed at me while I was just trying my best to eat the pizza. I realized how much she was enjoying this so I just prolonged this whole thing, I ate slower, I made faces and I even called her a bully and she was laughing so much and, in my heart, I enjoyed that so much. I usually don’t allow people to mess with my food but seeing her laugh I just wanted this moment to last forever. A couple of time later, when everyone was busy filling applications for college, one of our friends (let’s call her jane) hosted a birthday party. The plan was that she will invite us all to our house and then from there we’ll go to a restaurant. So Missybusy and I went to buy gift for our friend and we bought two identical plushies for Jane. Anyways, that day was so special. Because when we all went back home and when Missybusy and I were talking over WhatsApp she said ‘I love you’. For the first time ever, I heard it from her, although it was still on text, I was jumping around screaming in joy and a few tears of joy appeared. I was beaming with joy. I was so happy. This should mean we were finally together, right? Nope. Our colleges were about to start soon and we both were enrolled in a different college, she said she wanted to see how our college life is going to affect our relationship. I didn’t think of it much since what could’ve gone wrong? College started and one month in and I could feel the distance increasing between us and she seemed busier than usual obviously but somewhere because of this she wasn’t giving me much time either. It was a Sunday afternoon when I confronted her about this and she seemed to have realized this as well and she said she’s really sorry about all this. But in the end, she said a relationship doesn’t seem possible. I was devastated but I didn’t shout or yell at her I tried to convince her in everyway possible. But it was futile. It seemed impossible to convince her. And the call ended with a goodbye.

1. The real end

Another problem that I had this whole time was not knowing when to give up trying and give up trying to keep her happy instead of myself. One day later she texted me and she asked if we could meet because she believed I deserved a proper goodbye. And I eventually went to meet her the very next day. And we talked a lot. She said she felt really sorry and she told me that I deserved the best. She told me she was overwhelmed by college; she saw so many faces together and it was difficult for her. I was just super sad but anyhow I controlled myself and I didn’t cry in front of her. But she did, she started crying and I couldn’t hold back then, I hugged her and patted her head telling it’s alright. After she stopped crying, she said she’s sorry and she told me she changed her mind, she had some expectations from a relationship and one of them was physical touch and since we lived far from each other that seemed less likely but she said one has to sacrifice something for love, and I was just confused. I didn’t know what to say, what to do. I said I’ll let her know. Less than an hour after we went back to our homes, I messaged her saying that I’m ready and I want to be with her. Because I thought God had given us a second chance and I believed that it is very much possible and I shouldn’t take too long to tell her.
Everything was perfect for about a month. It was the month of October; we had a small quarrel over something and the next day I called her to apologize. But something seemed different, something felt off. She said it’s okay but I could feel something was off. The worst day of the year and the worst time of that day. She told me her brother had run away from their house because of something that happened with him and a girl and their family was in a lot of panic, and she was obviously worried and scared. She prayed to God to return her brother and she promised that she will never date someone again. I stood there, without movement, without words and I realized what it had meant. It meant an official goodbye. Breaking up in a way one could never expect. She told me to promise to not tell this reason for breakup to my friends (common friend group). I was the one who was given up. The call ended with both of us saying I love you but for the last time ever. I wasn’t at home; I was outside in a park. I felt as if someone had stabbed me right through the heart. I couldn’t feel the wind anymore. People seemed to have stopped talking. The sky lost its color, the birds stopped chirping. My whole world had come to a pause. I couldn’t think straight. I returned home acting normal. My father had come to visit, he rarely visits the city because him and my mother are separated so I don’t get to see my whole family together often so I didn’t want to spoil it. My mother and sister knew about Missybusy. Later that night I told my mom and sister that we broke up and my mom was worried but I told her to not worry because I was fine and I never told them the actual reason either, I just keep telling them I got bored of her so that they won’t worry about me, besides I had created such a wonderful image of missybusy for them I thought I should let it be that way. I couldn’t tell me friends what had happened, I didn’t tell my mom and sister what actually happened. I just kept it to myself and it hurt. It hurt really bad. I felt as if I had given her my heart and she shattered it and threw it away. I never hated her for it and I always blamed the circumstances.

1. Life goes on

I was broken. And as any person after a breakup felt sad and sorrowful, so did I. But I kept my emotions bottled and never told anyone the actual reason. I did everything possible to keep myself distracted, I played games for many hours in a day, I talked to multiple people at once, I scrolled Instagram for hours and I was even addicted. I was losing control and I was falling in a huge pit. Days went by, I was in a terrible mental state. I attended every meetup possible even the ones I didn’t feel like going to, I was spending money like I was a millionaire or something, and I was running out of it. In the month of December, I went to visit my father and when he went for work I was alone and bored so I re-installed snapchat and just took a snap and sent it to all, I didn’t realize it went to Missybusy as well. She replied to that snap and asked how I am doing and we started a small conversation, we were just catching up and all. I was still in a poor mental state but honestly it just felt good talking to her again. And I asked her one question- “When exactly did you move on” and she replied she hadn’t. I felt bad because I realized it must’ve been difficult for her as well, college was tough for her. She told me she dated someone for two days. I was devastated yet again. So that promise for which we had to break up meant nothing. But for some reason a part of me was relieved anyway because she didn’t deserve all this. But what about me? I felt self-pity at that point honestly. When she was gone, I felt as if a part of me was taken away. I never asked for this and I never thought that I’ll have to go through all this when I first said I love you to her. Although we decided we should keep talking but I just couldn’t, after everything I could not just see her as a friend, I’ll always see her as my first love. I always try my best to smile and fool around my friends because that's who I was before I met her but I didn’t force it back then. When I returned to my city, I knew I couldn’t let these bad habits be my future. I knew what happened with me wasn’t fair but I couldn’t let that destroy my career or life. I started learning new things. I got into the stock market learnt a bit of trading and made good sum of money. I was still playing games and was still somewhat addicted. But slowly but surely, I was recollecting myself. I tried avoiding meetups with my school friends’ group because they always bring up this topic and I just hated that. I wanted peace. No matter how the days went by the night were always difficult, I didn’t hate her but I hated that the thought of her kept coming in my mind. It was always hard to fall asleep.

1. The Present- I’m still not over her completely. A part of me will always have hope for her to come back even though my mind knows otherwise but the heart is just weird. I met my school group friends after a long time and I felt good. There were four of us (Me, Dave and let’s call the other two Bob and Marley). I get along with Marley very well, he has his college in a different city so whenever he comes here, I make sure to meet him separately. When I met Marley, we went to a café just to have food and talk really, he asked me why does no one know the real reason for my and Missybusy's breakup. I just told him that it’s complicated. Then Marley told me that he heard from Bob and Dave that they told him that Missybusy started to like someone else that is why you both broke up. It was unprecedented to me. I felt weird, I felt a weird sting. I went back home and I messaged her to confront about this, I was taken away by my impulses. She assured me that wasn’t it and then we started talking like normal people do, talked about each other’s friends’, each other’s college life and so on. Then she asked if it’s possible to meet because it had been so long! And I was honestly scared to meet her but I just agreed anyway. 30th of may we met at a bowling and pool café. We sat there and talked about each other’s life. And honestly it seemed God did listen to my wish for keeping her happy because she had made good friends at college and obviously, she did have some problems but overall, she did seem happy and I was happy for that. The moment I saw her again after such a long time I realized nothing changed, she was just as pretty, her eyes were glowing just as usual and her fashion game was on the top. We made several eye contacts throughout and I could see a little pain in her eyes. It was the pain of guilt or pain of just losing, I won’t know for sure. When we were talking about our lives and what all had happened in these 7 and a half months, I felt so peaceful inside. But as soon as I mentioned what all I had to go through after out breakup she kept saying sorry and it felt as if I was just there to make her feel sorry. So, I refrained from talking about that. But then what did I have to talk about? Most of these months I had spent in misery and apart from that I told her about the little breakthroughs that I made in the market and I told her how I made some good friends at college. But that was it really. So, she did most of the talking. I was just listening. I didn’t want to talk about what I had to go through all these months because I felt I’ll just pressure her with more guilt. I didn’t come here to meet her and just listen to her saying sorry. I only cared about her smile.

My failure of expressing came back to me, I couldn’t tell her that I still loved her, I couldn’t tell her I still miss her. I just listened to her and laughed with her. She asked me once more before we left the park where we were walking at the moment, can we still we be friends? I was hesitant. But I told her we couldn’t. I told her we won’t be able to give time to this friendship and besides I have my competitive exams in December so I need to focus on that. But that’s just a part of it, I can never view her as my friend but always as the person I loved.
When we exited the park, we were standing near her car (oh she drives great by the way!). I told her to go while I wait for my uber. I pushed her away (not physically), I kept telling her to go away. That was it, no hugs just goodbyes. I wanted to hug her but I didn’t want the part of me that still had hope to grow. As she drove away, I realized in the end, I did end up hurting her by telling her to just go away. I came back home, acted normal as usual. Lied to my mom and sister again and told them the 'meeting was fine but it was boring'. The next day when I was home alone. I burst out crying. I never cried this much before. Only I know what I have lost. I didn’t want the part of me that had hope to grow but I also didn’t want it to just die. I cried for hours until eventually I washed my face and waited for my mom and sister to return. Missybusy was gone. I know what I’ve lost. And I blame myself for it. I can physically feel the pain in my heart at this point. It hurts so much. I wish I never met her after she told me a relationship isn’t possible. I wish I was never in love. I wish I never love again. I wish to be never this vulnerable again. I had gone through so much pain in those months and tried to act normal in front of everyone. I can’t tell how many thoughts crossed my mind daily. I just kept it bottled up within me. In the end I think God doesn’t like my heart. When I was in my mother’s womb it was found that I had a very faint heartbeat. As soon as I was born, I was taken into the ICU for surgery. Five years later it was found I have a low BPM. And so many years later my heart was broken into pieces. God doesn’t like my heart.

Recently I've realized how reluctant I always am to comment or interact on any social media. I am generally pretty introverted but outspoken in real life. I'm not afraid to let my opinions be known, I'm also quite blunt with them in most cases. I don't actively seek out interaction and conversations but I don't shy away from them if someone else starts one. I'm very talkative with people who are close to me. I'm a gemini and I will always be extremely chatty when I'm comfortable.
Though, recently I've noticed how I hesitate to interact anywhere on the internet. Mostly because I've been wanting online friends for years. I think it has something to do with being perceived and judged even rejected maybe, specifically by unknown forces (people) typing away behind a screen. Also something to do with perfectionism on wanting to present myself and be seen in a certain way?
I just became hypersensitive to knowing I'm being seen and perceived even in everyday conversations as I usually run over every interaction almost obsessively laying in bed the night after.
The best way to describe it is like your words getting caught in your throat except it's literally my fingers hovering over the keyboard. Words flying through my mind but me physically too frozen or stuck to type anything. If I do type it out I just go back and delete everything before I can even post.
How do I stop this? I don't want to keep being invisible. Even now, I'm considering whether or not I should even post this but I'm gritting my teeth and doing it anyway hahahahelp.
I want to just take the leap of faith but there's a part of me that's tired of always having to be brave. Even though that usually results in me just feeling isolated and lonely as an observer when I just want to participate. I just want to make friends. It's a constant tug of war and it's getting more crippling by the day.
Does anyone have any tips?
P.s. Sorry if this whole post is wrong in some way, it's literally my first time posting anything on reddit lmaoo.

Hey there, thank you for reading my post! I’ll start off by saying I’m a bigger guy who’s not great looking so if that’s not your thing I wish you the best in your search!
I’m not brilliant at describing myself in these kind of posts but I will give it a go! I am looking for someone who’s kind with a good sense of humour who’s looking for something longer term. I’d like to think I’m a nice guy who will (sometimes) make you laugh! I like various types of music and enjoy watching a variety of shows. I’m a big gamer and would love to find someone who is into gaming as well! I would love to find someone to get into more games and shows with!
I’m a big football and motorsport fan and try to watch them both whenever I can. I would love to find someone with similar interests who is also looking for something long term, if you think that could be you, please don’t be afraid to message me!

TL;DR: If you ever break S-CPU-N PIN 112, you can file down the CHIP to uncover part of the trace, to reattach it to it's original trace on the board. If the original trace is gone as well for some reason, you can just attach it on the feet of PIN 113. The traces are connected on the motherboard.
I recently bought a pretty much f****ed up 1 CHIP 01 PAL SNES for about 15 dollars. From the outside it looked good, but the inside was what will haunt me for years now. Extremely dusty, dirty, and someone tried to do a SuperCiC Mod with it.
The board was installed below the cartridge slot and in place. He probably went to lift the needed pins, started with PIN 111 on the S-CPU-N (the 1Chip basically) and ended his/her journey there.
PIN 111 and 112 were missing. Both broken.
Thinking I bought trash, I heard that the black surface of that, and basically almost all Chips, are just covers / mantles. (Never thought about it and I am modding for years now and am actually an IT guy... wow)
Since it's destroyed anyway, there's nothing left to lose actually. So I went ahead and filed down the chips until both traces were open. Since the spots are awfully tiny, I accidentally filed a small part of 113 free as well... (oopsie... would have made it easier if I hadn't)
Originally, since the trace in the pcb of PIN 112 was missing as well, I took another one chip i had and checked where i could connect the trace of the chip itself to on the broken board.
I checked every possible place, and I never got a response from my little beeping device. :(
I then checked the PINs of the S-CPU-N as a last straw and there it was. The beep on PIN 113.
Back to the broken board I immediately checked if I could just solder the traces on the chip itself... but nope. There was some sort of resistors in between both traces on the chip for PIN112 and 113.
Not a big deal, I could simply connect it from the inside to the outside feet which is connected to the board. Right? RIGHT???
Holy cow... since I also had to work with PIN 111 it was pure torture. The space is so god damn tiny holy macaroni. A smaller iron wouldn't bring up enough heat marriage both, the solder and the copper trace on the chip... and I really don't want to f this up. So I had to work with a bigger one that was just able to get in the gap. Since I had to use a bigger Iron, I would always touch both traces ...
So there were cases where I combined PIN 111 to PIN 112, 112 to 113 and once all three. Eventually I got it, checked if anything touched anything it shouldn't and got the responses I was hoping for.. no Beeps on the chips, beep on trace 112 to feet of 113, no beep from 112 to 113 on the chip. perfect.
I installed the missing LED, the ghosting fix and put everything back together again.
Fingers crossed....
After the fix (NSFW)
Oh and he melted the reset button so it's non functional and ripped off trace 10 where the old CIC sat.... holy moly never had a device in such da state. On the other side, I just do it as a hobby.
I fixed the reset button by cutting it open, bending the plates so it looks like how it should and sealed it again afterwards.
One last thing to add: All PAL 1 Chip consoles I had so far weren't too bright. I am using a normal PAL RGB Cable and I didn't need to do the brightness fix on the consoles (adding three 750 ohm resistors). The image brightness looked exactly like the one on the US 3 Chip I had. I compared the games using my two capture cards side by side. Both CCs are internal Live Gamer 4Ks.
Normally, a 1 Chip console is naturally a bit too bright, causing colors to blend in where there should be two different color tones f.e...
Okay! Hopefully one time, one lonely wandering soul in the same situation as me can read this and grow hope again to fix the mess he/she is facing.
TL;DR: If you ever break S-CPU-N PIN 112, you can file down the CHIP to uncover part of the trace, to reattach it to it's original trace on the board. If the original trace is gone as well for some reason, you can just attach it on the feet of PIN 113. The traces are connected on the motherboard.

Once upon a place outside of time…
*A goddess prepares for a fate she cannot comprehend– death is coming, dark mists envelope her existence her divinity dims and she will cast her magic for the last time. She does not choose her champions nor lay the work for a grand plan, there is no time, she twists the strings of fate into a noose and throws it out into the dreaming places with only hope to guide it… *
…you are asleep or in your approximation of such when the threads find you– tying your weave into a struggle against a shattered queen in a distant land. It is a moment in your life that is soon swallowed by reality and forgotten. But what is that drumbeat that plays in the back of your mind and the sense of dread it brings, that something is coming for you, and getting closer. And when you're finally sure it will hold back no longer-- another dream, a summons, the whispering of a witch who promises you answers if you would only step through the looking glass...
The Gritty Details.
New Campaign
Time: To be discussed and narrowed down as players join.
Session Length: 4~ hours [+ with group agreement.]
Starting Level: 2
Party Size: 5
System: 5th Edition Dungeons & Dragons
Medium: Discord (and later Foundry)
Who Am I?
Hi my name is Keegan (They/Them) a long term tabletop roleplayer, with nearly a decade of tabletop experience. I got into tabletop with Pathfinder, migrated to D&D5th and have had a lot of experience with the narrative game space primarily with Powered By The Apocalypse games. Something about 5E always brings me back, for the most part to Ravenloft where I've run five campaigns.
I live in the space of text-games, which I love as an amateur writer and due to the inclusive nature of the medium.
About the Game.
We’ll be running a homebrew domain of dread-- within the frigid lands of Kolm inspired by the geography and mythology of the nordic nations meet dark fairy-tales with a gothic horror spin you will find yourself fighting for your lives against the terrible Shattered Queen. Clockwork soldiers, a city of bells, and the dreaded crying knight are just some of the challenges to be overcome as you battle to escape the mists of Ravenloft!
Her Dark Reflection is a horror campaign and I lean into the quiet heavily with theming, there will be levity in the campaign and table banter is a thing, but I will always keep things pushing the envelope as far as maintaining a dark story-driven campaign. This does mean that the campaign is 18+.
This is a Level 2 to Level 12~ campaign - there is a lot of content and it might scale further with player approval.
I consider myself a primarily story driven DM, I tend to alternate combat and roleplay and would describe the game as 70/30 Roleplay/Combat.
I’d consider campaign inspirations as:
Folktales: Vasilisa, Baba Yaga, The Ice Queen.
Novels: The Hunchback of Notredame, Snow White, Through the Woods: Stories, Cursed: An Antholog
Games: Amnesia Series, Alice: Madness Returns, Dark Souls
Characters!
The game will include space for the inclusion of your backstories right from the get go, something I love doing is tying in characters to what they’re playing and giving unique arcs to each player.
For character options, I allow ALL published material, ALL up to date Unearthed Arcana, and a selection of approved homebrew. Other homebrew is allowed if run by me first, and I will adjust for balance.
If you present an evil PC I expect you’ll be able to play with the party sufficiently to complete the campaign.
The Players.
I'm looking for regular sessions and the campaign will be either once a week or twice a month at worst. The main thing I want is reliable attendance!
This game is LGBTQ+ and BIPOC friendly and will be inclusive in the worldbuilding, triggers will be discussed and safety tools implemented to protect players. I want my games to be safe.
The System.
The game will be run initially through discord– until I have set myself up having recently moved, and gotten myself a PC which should be soon and then it will migrate to Foundry. Due to this you will need to have a PC or laptop that is new-ish (anything in the last decade should be fine).
An Application Form!
You can fill this in and post here, DM me, use Reddit chat, or add me on Discord, handle: keegantroye
You (Sell yourself as a player here!)

• Handle(And pronoun):
  
• Anything You'd Like To Share About Yourself:
  
• Gaming Experience:
  
• What Kind Of Games Do You Like?
  

Character (if you don't have an idea a previous character of yours to give an example of a character you've created)

• Handle(And pronoun):
  
• Class Role Concept:
  
• Backstory Elevator Pitch: