Adult baby dating

Hi guys, I have a question and just want to see if I’m the only who feels this way or if my thoughts are even accurate. I went on my first solo trip out of the country this year and I loved it !!! I was able to do exactly what I wanted and how I wanted without any complaints or interruptions. I’m planning my next solo trip but I can’t get over the thought that I feel like some people are looking at me like I’m a loser with no friends bc I choose to travel solo. I will love to travel with others but it’s always a money issue, baby sitter issue & other issues that I understand but now try to avoid. I’m also single and not dating right now so I don’t have a boo to travel with lol . I know it takes a lot of courage to travel solo and I should admire that about myself but I just can’t get over the thought of being judged. It sucks because I try to live my life for myself but I just can’t get over the way I’m viewed by others. I also think social media has a lot to do with it because everyone is always posting on trips having a great time with friends and here I am on my trip posting pictures alone.( still having a gd time just alone)
Am I the only one ? Are people really viewing me as a loser ?
Btw I’m a 29f and was also planning on solo traveling for my 30th bday. Is this strange ? Idk maybe I’m overthinking
Thank you in advance for taking time out your day read and reply if you’re able

I want to send a message to an ex after 10 years. How would you feel to get one after that amount of time?
I am a female in my earlier thirties and dated this person for maybe a year in my early 20s. We were so young, dumb, crazy and happy. I felt very loved, cared for and seen in a way I was too immature to appreciate. At that age we had chemistry and couldn't keep our hand off each other. He wanted to build a future with me and was in a rush but I wasn't. I wanted to enjoy the last of my youth before growing up and adulting. I felt we really connected on our aspirations and world view and I would have happily continued to date him, I was crazy about him.
However as mentioned he was in a hurry in a way I didn't understand. He had a lot more family, social and financial responsibilities and wanted to start building his life. I was still living at home while he was working multiple jobs to support himself while trying to appease his parents who were encouraging him to marry and settle down. He was a great boyfriend in every way, physically, mentally, emotionally, kind, caring, funny, smart. He did ask me to take steps with him to further our relationship eg moving out together but I just wasn't ready. People always tell you that you have so much time when you are young to figure things out, but when you get older you realize how special it is when you do actually connect with someone deeply.
So he eventually withdrew and I had that feeling something was off. Things fully ended after a wild weekend away where he was with someone else. At the end he also expressed how he no longer felt like he could be who he wanted to be in our relationship and how he had tried to wait for me but I hadn't reciprocated or taken any steps to further our relationship. We had different levels of ambition. He had a job opportunity in another city, moved and I never saw him again. I didn't take any of this well and was very emotional. I asked him to reconsider but he had to go. He wanted to keep in touch and that was a big NO from me.
Well I never heard from him again which was truly unbelievable to me after how he had pursued me and how I thought we felt about each other. So much so I doubted if our relationship was even real or maybe or if i had been had my a narcissist. When I finally picked up jaw up from off the floor, my ego decided I wouldn't reach out either. I am sure I was dramatic during this time as well. I am sure I would have blocked him, changed my number and cursed him out
As far as I know he moved on pretty quick to someone else and that was that.
And then out of nowhere a couple years later he sent me a well wishing short message and said I was he best he ever had. But again, as much as that was a compliment to me I just couldn't take it as face value.
As you can imagine that ripped my heart right out of my chest and I never replied. I told a mutual friend to tell him to pound salt.
Well, him leaving was probably the best thing he ever did for me because I wasn't able to be what he needed. As time has unfolded I realize just how much his presence taught me about life and myself. I am sure we both moved on.
I came across an old message from him recently I felt the desire to send him a message. I am not unhappy in my life and I don't want to reconcile. I have had a partner for many years I am happy with.
I don't want anything from him, I am not after a reply and I don't want to reconnect. After ending on such a bad note where I told him how shitty he was, I just simply wished he knew how powerful his presence was in my life during that time, some of the things/concepts he introduced me to still remain with me today. He touched my life deeply for the better and how thankful I am for things I learned out of that, and I hope he is somewhere out there living his best life.
Maybe this is for me and my story more than it is for him. Should I write the message and never send it?
How would you feel to get a message like this years later?

I recently was blessed by universal cat distribution system with the most beautiful baby kitten (Ash). He was “feral” and 4 months when I found him and he’s now fixed. He is very sweet but very anxious. I own 2 other adult cats, one male and one female. I’ve been slowly introducing them to the new kitty (who’s very curious about the others!) and the male is receptive and playful. However, my female cat Luna is extremely aggressive and hisses and swats at the kitten. I’ve tried scent swapping with toys, I’ve been doing controlled co-feeding, and I always separate them when Luna shows signs of aggression. The co-feeding is between closed doors where they are close enough to smell each others’ scents without eye contact, to associate the smell of one another with a meal. Luna scowls whenever she smells him, runs away when she sees him, and won’t interact with me after I’ve interacted with Ash. I’m currently keeping Ash in a separate room to protect him, she’s been keen on attacking and he’s too small to fend for himself.
How can I help Luna to realize that the new kitten is not a threat? The aggression doesn’t bother him, but I’m worried she might injure him. I would love any advice!!! Looking forward to your input :)
(Also I give all my cats equal love and I don’t believe it’s a jealousy factor!)

Going into childbirth, I (thought) I was prepared for everything, but I realized I had not prepared myself for a possible unplanned c section. I had looked up all the tips and tricks for vaginal birth but I wish I had prepared myself more for the possibility of a c section.
My due date was 5/9, and during my 40w appt, my cervix was still quite hard and barely dilated even 1cm. I was scheduled an oral induction on 5/11. I went into L&D, got the induction. pill, was monitored for an hour then sent home to see if anything happened. I went about my day as normal, got some very small contractions but nothing close enough to go back to the hospital. The next day, I went back to get checked again and got yet another pill, another hour of monitoring and then sent home again. I was so impatient at this point 😪. I really thought I’d have my baby by then - it was 5/12 and Mother’s Day and thought my baby was just waiting for that day, lol.
Again, nothing happened. We went back the next morning and this time was just fully admitted into my delivery room. I had only dilated 2cm at this point and my cervix was barely softening. So they gave my the inserted induction pill this time and I sat in bed waiting. About 4-6 hours later, I was progressing a little bit but still not enough, so they chose to do a Cook’s catheter plus a foley ballon. Wowee those were uncomfortable to feel being put in. After this, I started dilating to about 5cm but my water hadn’t broken yet. A couple hours later, they chose to break my water for me and had me on the peanut ball to keep my progress going. By around 8-9pm, they gave me pitocin through IV, then the contractions really started kicking in. Those contractions were so hard to breathe through but I managed a few hours until I asked for some morphine so I could get some sleep. I got about 3-4 hours of sleep until it wore off and I awoke with such pain from the contractions again. The nurse gave me more morphine but it wasn’t doing anything at this point so I asked for the epidural. It was 5am at 5/14 at this point (also my birthday🥳).
Epidural was much easier than I anticipated. The hardest part was staying still and hunched over while I was still actively getting contractions about a minute apart. I finally got numb and got more sleep. I woke up and in the late morning/earlt afternoon I had progressed to about 6cm. I got up to 7cm with that dang peanut ball still between my legs until the later afternoon then I started getting a fever, so they gave me some Tylenol. By 8pm, I started getting the labor shakes, uncontrollably shaking and could barely speak. At this point, my midwife looked at me in the eyes and said that this was going on for too long and that it would be best to try and get a c section since I had stopped dilating at 7cm, and baby’s head was looking up, making it harder for her to drop and would be harder for me to push out. My husband and I talked it over and with a lot of tears, I finally said yes and they prepped me for surgery.
I get into the surgery room and they start prepping me and draping me, etc. Right before my husband comes in, i start to feel super hot and flush; I managed to flag down a nurse and told her i was feeling really hot and itchy in my face. Turns out I was having an allergic reaction. My husband walks in and i can immediately see in his face that I looked unwell. He talked to the anesthesiologist and he ensured him if be better as soon as I got Benadryl, but it would make me drowsy. I was in and out of consciousness after this and everything felt so hazy. I remember my baby being born and crying after hearing her cry and seeing her face. I remember my husband sitting next to me holding her and holding her face to my face. But it was all a blur. After they closed me up, I was wheeled to the recovery wing and finally got to hold my baby girl and breastfeed her before going to my PP room.
We ended up staying for 4 days in the hospital after getting PP preeclampsia and my BP getting elevated. Fast forward to today, I’m almost 3 weeks PP and baby is healthy and so am I, but damn I really never expected my birth to be so traumatic and so long. I am so grateful to be alive along with my baby being so healthy. I couldn’t have done it without my loving husband. And now I share a birthday with my baby girl!!! 5/14/24
To all my c section mamas, we are such warriors and it is unbelievable what we go through to finally be able to hold our babies. If you made it to the end of this post, thank you so much for reading🤍

Hello guys I need a relationship advice as this is my first relationship (long distance). I'm 23(F) currently studying and met a girl on discord a year and a half ago. Let's call her A. So this girl I met her in vc and we started talking and she had lost her grandpa at the time and I was comforting her and stuff. So after few days she started dming me everyday 24/7 and even during her exams would dm me. I being an introvert but only extrovert with close friends kinda felt awkward but I don't deny loving the comfort of talking with someone. And I thought hard and thought again if she had a crush on me. So I asked her if she did and she said yes and she was afraid if I wouldn't talk with her if she told me. I told her it was fine.
So on Valentine's day she proposed to me and I said ok let's date. But, I had this uneasiness like this is my first relationship what should I do and how to go through it plus my parents are homophobic and I didn't know what to do. I was feeling it was just too sudden. And after few weeks of texting everyday she suddenly ghosts me and rarely started texting me. I did ask her if sth was wrong and why she was not texting me. She said she was busy and had exams and stuff. I mean I understand but before we dated she even had time to text during her exams. But I brushed it off and few weeks later I go check her insta and she was having fun with her other friends going on pride parade and didn't have time to text me.
After few weeks again I see her reposting a story on insta with a hand of a girl. (The girl saying thank you for the comforting kiss on the lips with a pic of crown shaped ring on her hands) And I just stop there and I just ask for break up. And then after a week we got back together she said the girl didn't know we were dating and she was drunk and kissed her and A tried to avoid as much as possible but it brushed a lil bit on the lips. I was like ok. She said it was nothing no feelings the drunk girl could've kissed anyone who was beside her that way. And I asked her why did you repost the story and called her baby. And she said cuz my drunk friend insisted on. And I just brushed it off and we had our anniversary but nothing much just texts and stuff but we still didn't communicate well. So after few months I told her let's break up. Bye. And she went crazy. I blocked her every where and she started texting my friends if I was alright and why I broke up without a reason. She even disturbed my friends and I had to apologize to them and I had already told them about everything but she insists on getting back together again. (My friends don't want me to)
What should I do? Should I ignore and move on or? I do love her TT. We were even planning to move out and live together before shen we were planning to study abroad.

My father fell ill (handicaped) at the beggining of our relationship, making me dependant on my Bf as I was in need of any help or support I could get.
I live in a very conservative community, but my family is acceptant enough for me to have a bf, had this relationship going on for 3 years now, evrything happened quickly, from the first date to gettin tgthr to sleeping tgther which was a red Line that was crossed, evrything happened so quickly, later on he turned out to be someone that I did not think he was, familty issues left and right which were dealt with horribly, not to mention that sometimes he just does some dumb childish stuff that no adult in their right mind would do, something that hurts him in the first place, i pointed it out gently at the beggining ofc, but the more i did it the more agressive he became, he accused me of trying to bring him down ( as i was reminding him of things that he d rather forget but he d eventualy need to face to protec himself in the futur in professional or "friendly" settings) ofc i just realized by the end that I cant help him and he just wont change. He says that he loves me, yet he is always busy, and I m the one who initiates meetings or calls or texts, what i supposed to be romantic dates but Always turn into stressful work and study dates,simply WE never spend quality Time tgthr anymore, and even tho i pointed out how i am sad about this, nothing changes, if anything, he doesnt like that I m trying to not involve myself with the work anymore as i m focusing on my family and studies rather than planing events.
Eventualy when hé would piss me off, i d Say i m leaving him, but i never did, not even for half a day, but today he broke up with me, didnt reach out to me after hours from the last Time we spoke, telling me i need to think i need to work things out in my head, and lm just hangin here, mostly confused , even if we Say our sorries again and prétendit never happened, is whats happening ok?
leaving this person eventualy means that I might cross difficulties marrying someone else in the futur, did i concider breaking up with him? Yes, do i love him? Not sure if i love him asmuch as I did in the beggining or the shape of love just changes wit Time, but i certainly cherish him as a lover and a best Friend, did i ever wanna go through with the BK? I m too scared and Always been
Mind you this is my first relationship, I don't know if i Can find someone else After i dedicated my whole to this one, idk if i Can find someone who will match me better...i m just so sad, scared and confused
Am in the wrong? Can i do something to make it better? Or am i delulu and there IS really nothing to fix?
I cant make a decision since i find that my options are too limited...

Hey y’all!
This is really long but I’m really struggling with what to do, and all of this is necessary to provide context. I checked out the trans allyship resources on this subreddit and didn’t find anything useful to this specific context. I really really need advice.
TW: transphobia
I (24tm) have a very close friend (32f) who is cisgender. I’ll call her A.
I was at a bar with A and someone came up to me and immediately tried to debate me and was saying really transphobic stuff and using the T slur. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and tried to explain to him that he was wrong but he kept talking over me. A didn’t say much during this conversation. I told him I was going to leave because he wasn’t listening, turned to walk out and A was a little behind me. He told her, “you know you guys can’t have babies, right?”
Yeah. Gross. So when talking about this after the fact, every time it was mentioned A belabored on how she wasn’t involved and she just can’t believe he said that to her. I just kind of thought this was annoying and let it go, until one night, when we were talking to her dad about this I said something about how that’s just what happens when you’re friends with trans people, you get caught in the crossfire. Later that night she explained to me that she wasn’t actually centering herself and it just made him more of an asshole that he said it to her, and I’m realizing now as I type this that the implication of that is that it would have been less bad if he had said it to me. I told her it’s annoying because she should have said something to him and defended me, and gotten involved to begin with. Her response was, verbatim, “I’m a cancer mars.” (For context, I believe in astrology and so does she. But. Really?) She then told me that he was being homophobic because I had said something to him about how I was gay and he thought I was a woman and that we were a couple, which is why he said that. I was like, nope, he was pretty explicitly being transphobic. And she then explained again how it wasn’t transphobia it was homophobia and doubled down that he thinks I’m a woman.
I got home to a text further explaining how she wasn’t centering herself by talking about that stuff, and I responded that I was actually bothered by her trying to tell me it was homophobic and not transphobic (she has never dated a woman and is married to a cis man). I also said something about how I didn’t have the emotional capacity for the argument because I was having some other issues with transphobia right before that (which she was aware of) that didn’t involve her. I think the words I said were about being surrounded by cis people. I also think I said something about how she always thinks she’s right. I know that’s not a great thing to say in conflict. But I did say that.
She started getting incredibly defensive around my language of saying cis people, and saying “oh what? I’m just like (insert other person I was in conflict with) now?” And telling me that her saying it was homophobia was just “her perception” and seemed to not understand why that was wrong. She also said I was “fucking on one recently” in regards to marginalization. I backed down and apologized for the cis thing. Honestly I don’t remember too much else of the conflict other than we were arguing for quite a while, and it ended with her and I both apologizing. The next day I re read everything and texted her that I wasn’t happy with the argument. She said “yeah I’m not happy either.” I sent a paragraph about how I don’t know how to proceed and this could change how safe I feel around her, and how I don’t know what to do because she proved by getting defensive and doubling down that I can’t express things like this to her or expect her to defend me in any real capacity. a couple hours later sent me a long text, basically saying that I was (verbatim) “just trying to get my pound of flesh” because she had already apologized. Also some stuff about how I apparently had pointed out her privilege too many times recently (that’s probably true, I thought I was being funny though and didn’t realize I was being annoying) and essentially said that she “crossed a boundary (she) didn’t know existed” by trying to tell me it was homophobia and that some random stranger thought I was a woman. Honestly? I kind of just lost faith that she was going to be rational so I backed down.
That really bothered me for a while. I was going to email the bar to tell them about the transphobic guy, because he had a music show scheduled for the following week and I wanted them to drop him. She asked me at one point if I had sent the email, I said no and explained it was because the whole thing was too much for me, and she offered to send it. She wrote something, I added a couple things, she sent it, the bar dropped him. She sent this in her family group message that I’m in and everyone was congratulating her and saying they were proud of her. That was super triggering because after she was so explicitly transphobic to me I felt really annoyed at watching everyone eat her ass over sending an email. During this conversation, her kid (10nb) sent a voice memo “explaining the situation” and basically just recapped that someone was transphobic to me, and said that I was going to send the email but didn’t because I was “lazy” so their mom sent it. I texted A to say, hey, I probably want to have a conversation with your kid at some point about why they shouldn’t call marginalized people lazy when they don’t stick up for themselves. She explained that she didn’t know where they got that verbiage from. I told her that it wasn’t a big deal, reiterated multiple times (in very explicit wording) that they did nothing wrong, but I was frustrated because I had conflict with A which made me unable to deal with the transphobia and then her kid calls me lazy because of, essentially, what A did.
A texted me an hour or so later telling me that I was “putting my emotions on her to handle” and I “should pick my battles with more discernment” because I was “triggered from our conflict” that happened the previous week. She said I need to “process my emotions longer” before I come to her. She also listed off some things she was dealing with and said she was pissed off that she even had to be frustrated with me. It was a long conversation where I asked if she was okay because her extreme emotional reactions are out of character and she said she was okay. I ended up disingenuously backing down and apologizing and said I knew I was triggered and I explained exactly that, she basically said that I’m “not the only one the conflict was hard for” the implication I gathered is that I shouldn’t bring it up to her, I guess.
Tonight I was with her and someone got aggressive with me in the men’s room and I had to leave the bar twice to drive down the street to pee somewhere else. It wasn’t really about the way she handled that specifically but I don’t feel safe talking to her about any transphobia at all anymore, and there’s no way for me to express this and explain why she’s messing up basic allyship because I tried twice now already.
She’s my main support system, we’ve been tight for the last three years and I’ve known her my whole life. Her biological family is also a huge support system for me and I don’t want to cut any one of them off.
So here’s the question: what the actual fuck do I do? Does anyone have any books, or resources, or like good nuanced explanations of allyship stuff that I can send her? I can’t keep having these conversations because she says really personal attacks about me and honestly the way I’m perceiving her reactions are making it hard for me to take her seriously at all, in any context. I’m thinking if I send her a third party source she might feel less attacked and it will take the emotional labor off me because she can’t argue. Has anyone dealt with anything similar? Can anyone give me any advice?
Thanks.
Tl;dr my very close friend who is my main/only support system said something transphobic, doubled down, and had continued to disrespect me and lodge personal attacks against me when I try to bring it up. Any resources for that?

I recently got a Fig8 puffer and I have a couple questions.
It is still just a baby(about and inch and a half) and in a 55 gal with big and small gravel. Is this okay or is another substrate better?
What are some places to buy food for them? I know where to get snails but not 100% sure where to get other things.
I also have two pregnant mollies, will this be an issue? (They’re currently in a nursery tank)
It is currently in freshwater and the aquarium salt is on its way so I can start acclimating. How much should I add at a time and how often?
Any other advice would also be appreciated. Some of these questions may seem obvious but the internet isn’t always truthful. I just want some up to date advice and personal experiences.

Like every week we see posts about people expecting the game to be magically saved by a patch that the Devs said will take a while to get right. Just this morning a patch dropped to fix the MO, which is awesome that they managed to fix it so quickly. Yes it's bad that it got released broken, but that's beside the point I want to make right now. What irks me is the thousands of people complaining that this literal HOTFIX wasn't their "Balance Patch". God, guys they told us to wait for that, that they needed work and just two weeks ago most of you babies were crying that AH should take their time more instead of just releasing content. Why not give them the benefit of the doubt for once? Why is this community only looking for the bad things and complain all week long?! Other games would be happy to receive as many patches in a year that this game got in three months! Just let the Devs do their thing. It's obvious they look at Reddit and their Discord for feedback and, honestly, just listening to crying toddlers that go "Mah Weapwon iws bwaaaad nowwww!!!!!!!!!!111!1!1!" is only going increase the chance that the Devs are gonna ignore the community in the long run. No one wants to be confronted with negativity all day long and some of you guys give these Devs more hate than people have given to games like Fallout 76 or worse. Just try to behave like an adult guys.

I'm running out of WFH jobs the mom can do. Currently I'm making each new generation live in a different world with the remaining fund inherited from the previous matriarch and it's getting repetitive starting from a new home, finding "donors", and raising babies to young adults.

My husband and I have been married for nearly 5 years. We met in middle school and started dating when we were at the cusp of adulthood. We have two children together, a 2yo and a 5mo.
Since I’ve known him, he’s been really close with his family. I’ve suspected for a long time that they never really liked me and didn’t think I was right for him but he told me he loved me so I didn’t let it get to me.
I had our second baby in December and since then, he’s entirely disconnected from me. He refuses to touch me, doesn’t tell me he loves me, and spends a lot of time at his parents house. He works 10-12 hour shifts most of the time and instead of coming straight home, he’ll go to his parent’s house after work and eats dinner there. He used to come home within an hour or so of getting off of work but now he’s spending 2-3 hours there. His parents watch our kids during the day so I usually go pick them up to take them home and put them to bed and when I get there, he’s spending time with them. On weekends, he spends a ton of time caring for them but won’t spend any time with me.
When he comes home from work, he washes his dishes, prepares his lunch for the next day in silence, showers, and then scrolls on his phone until bed. I tried to get him to have sex with me a few weeks ago but he turned around and said he was too tired and went to sleep. Last week, we got into an argument and he’s been sleeping on the sofa since with no indication that’s he’s going to come back to our bedroom any time soon.
I’ve tried to talk and communicate with him and even told him if he didn’t want us around, I’d happily take the kids and go to my parents house but he’s just silent and says he doesn’t like the way I treat him but won’t elaborate.
I have my suspicions that either his parents are getting to him or he found someone else. He changed the password on his phone but I see a lot of his texts are to a group chat with his mom and sister.
Should I give it one more shot? Give him time? He won’t do couples counseling. Are we headed for divorce? He’s a good dad but I feel like he’s being a really shitty husband and I don’t know how to proceed

Hey y’all!
I know this is really long and I’m honestly not sure if anyone will read through it. I feel the need to tell this whole thing, to get it off my chest but also to provide context. I (24tm) have a very close friend (32f) who is cisgender. I’ll call her A.
I was at a bar with A and someone came up to me and immediately tried to debate me and was saying really transphobic stuff and using the T slur. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and tried to explain to him that he was wrong but he kept talking over me. A didn’t say much during this conversation. I told him I was going to leave because he wasn’t listening, turned to walk out and A was a little behind me. He told her, “you know you guys can’t have babies, right?”
Yeah. Gross. So when talking about this after the fact, every time it was mentioned A belabored on how she wasn’t involved and she just can’t believe he said that to her. I just kind of thought this was annoying and let it go, until one night, when we were talking to her dad about this I said something about how that’s just what happens when you’re friends with trans people, you get caught in the crossfire. Later that night she explained to me that she wasn’t actually centering herself and it just made him more of an asshole that he said it to her, and I’m realizing now as I type this that the implication of that is that it would have been less bad if he had said it to me. I told her it’s annoying because she should have said something to him and defended me, and gotten involved to begin with. Her response was, verbatim, “I’m a cancer mars.” (For context, I believe in astrology and so does she. But. Really?) She then told me that he was being homophobic because I had said something to him about how I was gay and he thought I was a woman and that we were a couple, which is why he said that. I was like, nope, he was pretty explicitly being transphobic. And she then explained again how it wasn’t transphobia it was homophobia and doubled down that he thinks I’m a woman.
I got home to a text further explaining how she wasn’t centering herself by talking about that stuff, and I responded that I was actually bothered by her trying to tell me it was homophobic and not transphobic (she has never dated a woman and is married to a cis man). I also said something about how I didn’t have the emotional capacity for the argument because I was having some other issues with transphobia right before that (which she was aware of) that didn’t involve her. I think the words I said were about being surrounded by cis people. I also think I said something about how she always thinks she’s right. I know that’s not a great thing to say in conflict. But I did say that.
She started getting incredibly defensive around my language of saying cis people, and saying “oh what? I’m just like (insert other person I was in conflict with) now?” And telling me that her saying it was homophobia was just “her perception” and seemed to not understand why that was wrong. She also said I was “fucking on one recently” in regards to marginalization. I backed down and apologized for the cis thing. Honestly I don’t remember too much else of the conflict other than we were arguing for quite a while, and it ended with her and I both apologizing. The next day I re read everything and texted her that I wasn’t happy with the argument. She said “yeah I’m not happy either.” I sent a paragraph about how I don’t know how to proceed and this could change how safe I feel around her, and how I don’t know what to do because she proved by getting defensive and doubling down that I can’t express things like this to her or expect her to defend me in any real capacity. a couple hours later sent me a long text, basically saying that I was (verbatim) “just trying to get my pound of flesh” because she had already apologized. Also some stuff about how I apparently had pointed out her privilege too many times recently (that’s probably true, I thought I was being funny though and didn’t realize I was being annoying) and essentially said that she “crossed a boundary (she) didn’t know existed” by trying to tell me it was homophobia and that some random stranger thought I was a woman. Honestly? I kind of just lost faith that she was going to be rational so I backed down.
That really bothered me for a while. I was going to email the bar to tell them about the transphobic guy, because he had a music show scheduled for the following week and I wanted them to drop him. She asked me at one point if I had sent the email, I said no and explained it was because the whole thing was too much for me, and she offered to send it. She wrote something, I added a couple things, she sent it, the bar dropped him. She sent this in her family group message that I’m in and everyone was congratulating her and saying they were proud of her. That was super triggering because after she was so explicitly transphobic to me I felt really annoyed at watching everyone eat her ass over sending an email. During this conversation, her kid (10nb) sent a voice memo “explaining the situation” and basically just recapped that someone was transphobic to me, and said that I was going to send the email but didn’t because I was “lazy” so their mom sent it. I texted A to say, hey, I probably want to have a conversation with your kid at some point about why they shouldn’t call marginalized people lazy when they don’t stick up for themselves. She explained that she didn’t know where they got that verbiage from. I told her that it wasn’t a big deal, reiterated multiple times (in very explicit wording) that they did nothing wrong, but I was frustrated because I had conflict with A which made me unable to deal with the transphobia and then her kid calls me lazy because of, essentially, what A did.
A texted me an hour or so later telling me that I was “putting my emotions on her to handle” and I “should pick my battles with more discernment” because I was “triggered from our conflict” that happened the previous week. She said I need to “process my emotions longer” before I come to her. She also listed off some things she was dealing with and said she was pissed off that she even had to be frustrated with me. It was a long conversation where I asked if she was okay because her extreme emotional reactions are out of character and she said she was okay. I ended up disingenuously backing down and apologizing and said I knew I was triggered and I explained exactly that, she basically said that I’m “not the only one the conflict was hard for” the implication I gathered is that I shouldn’t bring it up to her, I guess.
Tonight I was with her and someone got aggressive with me in the men’s room and I had to leave the bar twice to drive down the street to pee somewhere else. It wasn’t really about the way she handled that specifically but I don’t feel safe talking to her about any transphobia at all anymore, and there’s no way for me to express this and explain why she’s messing up basic allyship because I tried twice now already.
She’s my main support system, we’ve been tight for the last three years and I’ve known her my whole life. Her biological family is also a huge support system for me and I don’t want to cut any one of them off.
So here’s the question: what the actual fuck do I do? Does anyone have any books, or resources, or like good nuanced explanations of allyship stuff that I can send her? I can’t keep having these conversations because she says really personal attacks about me and honestly the way I’m perceiving her reactions are making it hard for me to take her seriously at all, in any context. I’m thinking if I send her a third party source she might feel less attacked and it will take the emotional labor off me because she can’t argue. Has anyone dealt with anything similar? Can anyone give me any advice?
Thanks.
Tl;dr my very close friend who is my main/only support system said something transphobic, doubled down, and had continued to disrespect me and lodge personal attacks against me when I try to bring it up. Any resources for that?

It's strange. My life, by most metrics, has been going pretty well. My parents love me and tell me how proud they are of me, my siblings look up to me, my friends tell me they appreciate me. I do well in school despite heavy course loads and my teachers and professors like me a lot. I have a couple jobs on campus that are okay and mean I'm not too strapped for cash (if we ignore the student debt). I have a beautiful and loving partner who I want to propose to during the total solar eclipse in 2028. And despite it all, I want to die. There's no hope. There may be happiness in my life but I'm always the same sick, broken individual underneath and I always, always revert back to that person. I will never succeed as an adult but I also recognize that no amount of success will ever be enough. I always want what I haven't got.
I should be happy with my life, I should be grateful for every opportunity I've been given, but I want to throw it all away. I would break my baby sister's heart but I want to do it anyway because I'm sick and selfish and I hate living. I'm terrified of failure so I'd rather give up before I fail to amount to anything. I'm not built to be a functional adult. I'm selfish and cold, antisocial, inflexible and unreliable, and I have no control over my emotions. I lash out at people who don't deserve it and pick fights when there's nothing wrong. I will hurt my partner emotionally and I'm scared I'll hurt them physically, too, because I get so angry so quickly for no reason. I will ruin everything that is good in my life if I continue to live.
I think the first time I thought "I want to die" instead of "I wish I hadn't been born" was in middle school, and it's stuck with me through high school and now university. But in the last three years the thoughts have been getting significantly worse. I've been having vibrant fantasies about dying and killing myself. Planning letters in detail. Earlier this year I had such a vivid imagining about slitting my wrists that it made me nauseous. I've been hurting myself more frequently and the intensity has been getting worse too. My self-esteem is abysmally low and I despise myself more and more every day.
I cannot get better. There is no light at the end of the tunnel, there is no long and hard but rewarding path to happiness. I am fully aware of the good things in my life, I can perceive when I've had a success or when somebody cares about me, and yet I have a bone-deep assuredness that I am destined for failure and loneliness. I know that the sickness is lying to me when it says that I'm unloved, that there's no hope, that I should die, but I listen to it all the same. If I truly wanted to get better I would do something about it- think more positively, go to therapy, go to a doctor, treat my body and mind with kindness- but I don't do any of that, and I haven't for years and years and years. I'm incapable of changing because I don't truly want to. I'm too scared of admitting these thoughts to anyone, of getting in trouble (to be honest I don't know what kind of trouble, it's just a gut feeling), of all this pain being for nothing. It's totally, utterly hopeless. I wonder what will finally push me over the edge so I can finally be free.

I figured I would tell my story to the void to help me cope somehow.
It all started on April 29, 2024, with what was supposed to be a routine ultrasound for my 12-week pregnancy. From the moment they wouldn’t let me see the ultrasound and only took pictures of the baby’s head, a sinking feeling settled in my chest. Something was wrong. On May 3, my fears were confirmed when I was instructed to see another ultrasound specialist due to concerning findings from the initial scan. My husband and I tried to stay optimistic, hoping against hope that any issue might resolve itself or require only minor surgery after birth.
On May 4, we found out we were having a boy. We shared the joyous news with a few close friends and family. This was our first child, and the anticipation was overwhelming. But by May 13, I was bracing myself for the worst, determined not to cry no matter what the doctor said. My best-case scenario was that our baby had a condition where the bowels were growing outside the body, which could be corrected with surgery after birth. The reality was far more devastating.
The doctor told us the head and upper extremities appeared normal, but a large cystic structure dominated the lower abdomen, likely the bladder, with umbilical vessels entering and surrounding it. At 14 weeks, our baby was measuring at just 12 weeks, possibly due to the cyst. Worse still, the spine appeared truncated at the lumbar area, with no sacral spine, causing one leg to grow normally while the other was significantly shorter.
As the doctor explained and showed us the images, my resolve crumbled. Tears silently streamed down my face. I felt embarrassed by my inability to hold them back, even though it was perfectly reasonable to feel such heartache. Isn’t it silly to feel embarrassed in such a moment of profound grief? My husband hugged me tight, reassuring me that we could get through this together. It took all my strength to compose myself enough to leave the room.
Walking through a waiting room full of other pregnant women, I felt their sympathetic gazes piercing through me. I hurried out of the office, my heart heavy with sorrow, and finally broke down completely in the car, the weight of our reality crashing down on me. I'm a very prideful person; I don't like showing my weakness to anyone. My husband has only seen me cry a handful of times (I'm in therapy working on this).
In the solitude of the car, I let it all out—the fear, the sorrow, the overwhelming sense of helplessness. This journey, which began with so much hope, had turned into a heart-wrenching ordeal.
Making the call to my OBGYN to schedule the termination was to say the least difficult. Due to the stage of my pregnancy, I would need to be referred out to have this done. When I found out I would have to travel 2.5 hours from my area to have this done, enraged me. I was told that was the only place they could refer me to, they had one place that was in my area but they no longer had a contract with them. I had to get my insurance and husband to fight for me to have the procedure closer. I was finally able to schedule the termination closer to home thanks to the insurance, though it took some time. So my schedule date is June 3rd & 4th, I made sure to keep myself busy and not think about it. I have to admit that after hearing the diagnoses of the pregnancy, I let everyone know I was going MIA from social media and overall communication in general. Everyone gave me the space I needed to heal from this. As the days get closer, the sadness comes in waves but so does the peace knowing that he wont be suffering anymore.
Thank you for reading this.

I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder about three years ago. For a while, I believed I had it under control. I underwent Cognitive Behavioral Therapy monthly, adjusting the frequency of sessions based on how I was feeling. This routine seemed effective until I moved to Germany.
The move to Germany significantly impacted me, increasing my introversion and leaving me with a profound sense of purposelessness. My boyfriend at the time was incredibly supportive, even witnessing a severe episode where I self-harmed. Despite seeing me at my worst, he did not leave me. A year later, we married in Denmark, as we hold different nationalities. Just when everything seemed to be falling into place, I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. I underwent a thyroidectomy, and two months later, I found out I was pregnant.
My husband and I had been discussing the possibility of having a child for months. I had reservations because I knew children are a significant responsibility, and I feared that having a child might change the wonderful relationship I had with my husband. However, my husband, who is already a father was very excited with the idea of having another child. Eventually, I decided to try. My doctor gave me the green light to conceive, and I began tracking my ovulation. To my surprise, it worked quickly.The 11 weeks I was pregnant were the most miserable I have ever felt. I was out of control, crying every day, and filled with rage. I even had moments where I wanted to harm the life growing inside me. Every day, while at the train station, I felt the urge to jump onto the tracks and end it all. I was plagued by obsessive thoughts that my husband would stop loving me once we had a child. It was the most distressing period of my adult life. During my viability check in the sixth week of pregnancy, the ultrasound revealed an empty sac. The doctor expressed sympathy, but internally, I felt an unexpected sense of relief. I was told to wait two more weeks for confirmation. I had a mixed emotions and I felt overwhelmed. Initially, I had been excited about the pregnancy, but the intense symptoms, sadness, and anger made it unbearable. I was unable to properly grieve.
Later ultrasounds confirmed the empty sac. At last... it was over. I felt conflicting emotions—relief and sadness, for the loss and for my inability to grieve the possibility of a baby. Yesterday, I underwent a D&C . Physically, I feel better—no nausea, no vomiting—but the sadness remains for the loss, the guilt, and for my uncertainty about wanting the baby in the first place.

Last night, I had a talk with the guy I have been seeing for about a month now. Things are going pretty well, and I feel like this could actually go somewhere. He asked me if I was looking for something serious, because he thinks he cannot give me that, at this point. He said he just doesn’t have enough time to spend on me, and that he doesn’t know how this will work, with us being in different stages in life.
For a bit of background: he is late 20’s, I am early 30’s. I met him at work, but he has since gone back to university (before we even started dating). Because he is a student, the cost of living is extremely high, and it is impossible to find an apartment in our city, he still lives with his mother. I completely understand this and I do not have a problem with it at all. He is intelligent, ambitious and a hard worker, this is all I care about. But because I have a degree, a job and apartment, he thinks that I have my life together more than he does.
This is not at all true. I am a medior at a job that I am not actually that great at, and I don’t have a lot of growth opportunities and am not sure where I am going from here. My apartment is a crappy studio in the outskirts of the city. Of course I don’t complain about these particular things to him, because I might sound spoiled. But more than that, mentally speaking, I am probably the least adult person you will ever meet. I spent most of my 20’s being stuck with a lot of trauma and mental issues, which I did not really know how to work on. Which also means that I haven’t really dated anyone since I was a teen. So this is the closest to a real relationship I have ever had. In these aspects, he is a lot more mature than me. Mentally, he really seems to have his shit together. This to me, makes it feel like we balance each other out. He feels like an equal to me. But because the things that I have sorted out are more tangible, I’m afraid he doesn’t always see that.
I did get him to see reason with this, last night. Explained to him that I am not bothered by his lack of time. That I know his studies are important and that I am here to support him with that, however needed. That it doesn’t matter to me what he does and doesn’t have, as long as he has the right mindset etc.
The conclusion is that we are just going to enjoy what we have, and see where this goes (which was always my plan so far. I did not even think about having this talk after a month of dating). But is this destined to fail, if this is how he thinks and feels? Am I crazy for sticking around? I can tell that he is really falling for me, by the way he talks and acts. And I think I am falling for him too. I do not want to give this up.

In the 19, nearly 20, years I have lived my life, I was raised a Christian by American conservatives in a middle class environment and am fortunate to experience countless memories of joy, laughter, and growth with (mostly) everybody I have met. Each memory with the people in my life holds a special place in my heart, and I will forever cherish the bond we built.
The thing is that until the end of eighth grade, I had a strange obsession with East Asia. Looking back, it was very embarrassing and I condemn my parents for enabling me to become a weeaboo (by “weeaboo”, I mean “a person who is overly obsessed with East Asian culture, especially Japanese culture, to the point that they fetishize the culture in an unhealthy way”). I was the textbook example of a weeaboo who had a terrible case of “yellow fever” (sexual preference towards East Asians). Loving the image of East Asian culture without having any real idea what it stood for and seeing the East as a utopia, my fetishization of East Asia, especially Japan, was born out of the shame I have with the Western culture I was raised in. I never felt like I could fit in with my Western peers who I often looked down upon and did not want to be associated with. It got to the point that I became unsatisfied with my home town, my physical appearance, and even my closest friends. This combined with the surge in anime, K-pop, and other media on the internet really got me hooked and believing really fetish-y things about the Sinosphere. I hate being reminded of it and have tried to move on.
However, I am thankful for my exposure to Eastern culture, though it was through a very bastardized, Westernized lens. I am grateful for my exposure, even though it started out with something as intellectually undemanding as Vocaloid music (songs sung by a Japanese voice synthesizer). The best part about the exposure was that it helped me leave Christianity and join Buddhism at age 11, which greatly helped with my mental health considering I was experiencing suicidal thoughts since the age of 8. Though I had awful misunderstandings of Buddhism in the beginning and still do not really have a Buddhist teacher, I am glad that I have the resources to connect myself with other Buddhists and take refuge in the Triple Gem.
As I left my gross misconceptions of the Sinosphere behind back when I was 14 while still having a healthy interest in it, my eyes were eventually opened to perils which threaten not only the homelands of Buddhism (East, South, and Southeast Asia), but also the sustainability of modern humans. These two perils are Western culture and capitalist fascism.
The West exoticizes and misrepresents Buddhism and the culture of its home, the East, as a whole. I am ashamed to be born in a culture where this was encouraged, which I am worried could lead me to fetishizing Eastern culture again.
But what I know for sure is that the West’s hyperindividualism is harming people, both those whose lands are invaded and its own people. This combined with the West’s growing rejection of education, including that of the knowledge the West itself has given to the world for humanity’s benefit, makes it clear that it is lacking some of the Sinosphere’s cultural strengths. Everybody should hold collectivism and education to the same degree that the Sinosphere does, otherwise we would be left with an unsustainable society that would destroy itself.
There is nothing wrong with speaking Western languages, eating Western foods, watching (most types of) Western media, wearing Western clothes, and especially nothing wrong with using Western inventions, but we are now seeing that the West’s hyperindividualism and rejection of education is destructive and spreading like a cancer.
It is only Buddhists who make an effort to assimilate to the East (had they not been born into it) who can see the West with its hyperindividualism and uneducatedness, promoted by its creation of its spreading ideologies such as capitalist fascism and social Darwinism, for what it really is: a cancer. I can now see the direction the United States, the most populated and powerful country in the West, is going due to the rise of ultra-capitalism and/or fascism supporters.
Rarely the phrase “Western”, as in “formed by the combined foundations of Greco-Roman civilization and Western Christianity” (Gabbe), raised positive thoughts in my mind since I learned about it shortly after discovering Buddhism. “Western” when used in the context of medicine is an exception to this, but we are now seeing more and more Westerners dishonor the progress their ancestors made towards modern, mainstream, dare I say, Western medicine as they fall for anti-vaccine and anti-mask pseudoscience.
Nowadays, some who use the word in a derogatory context are uneducated reactionaries that bash anything and everything Western, yet hypocritically promote the Western political ideology of fascism. A strength that a majority (though now a decreasing number) of Western countries have is their progressivism, supporting scientific advancements, women’s rights, racial equality, and the LGBT+. However, this is not just becoming less common; being a progressive Westerner is not enough, not enough to end Western imperialism, to save the sacred truths taught to us by the Shakyamuni Buddha, or to empower the working class.
Although I never fully approved of Western culture after my weeaboo phase ended, my early teen self still ended up falling into the anti-social justice warrior side of YouTube that I now recognized hindered my understanding of what actually ruined my country, the United States of America. I still did not feel comfortable calling myself a Westerner but mainly because the West did not widely accept Buddhism and has several times in its history persecuted Buddhists. At the same time, I was deceived by a bastardized form of Buddhism common among Westerners (known as “secular Buddhism”, which picks and chooses aspects of the Buddha’s teachings instead of accepting them as a whole), so I was a bit more of the classic, stereotypical atheist neckbeard who fetishized the East up until 2020. Since then, my views became more progressive similar to those of American liberals and I denounced traditionalist Western beliefs, but like the average American liberal, I did not see Western culture, both traditional and progressive, as the peril I now see it. It was not until around the end of 2023 when I discovered the Western problem.
It was a slow burn that started with my discovery of Buddhists on the internet talking about how the West misrepresented Buddhism to appeal to “self-help” consumerists, Christians, and New Age followers. In the Westerner, I originally saw only a person who followed harmless customs, traditions, and other norms that came from a part of the world where Buddhism was not the dominant religion (if you could even call the non-theistic dharma as taught by the Gautama Buddha a religion). And so, I did not believe that Western civilization needed to fall for the safety of the dharma, let alone for its own people. After all, I thought to myself, the West has contributed so much to science and the modern world as we know it. I still believe to this day that there are no superior cultures and that each one simply has its own unique strengths and weaknesses, some of which are only subjective. However, while looking through Buddhist forums, I was shocked to hear about the West’s pollution of Buddhism and my knowledge on Buddhism skyrocketed as I learned that I fell victim to the Dunning-Kruger effect. I started reading sutras and immersing myself with Buddhism by listening to those who have much more experience than I do. There are hardly any Buddhists in my community and the only Buddhist center within reach is a New Kadampa Tradition meditation center (FYI: the New Kadampa Tradition must be avoided since it has a reputation for financially exploiting members and its monastics have allegations of drug trafficking and sexual abuse), so books and the internet are all I have left.
Practicing Buddhism in the West is nearly impossible without a community, without a Buddhist teacher, without any resources written by Eastern Buddhists. Reddit user u/Tendai-Student, a “lay Tendai Student [sic] with aspirations to become a Priest [sic]” states the following:
It is exceedingly challenging for a Westerner who is interested in Buddhism to find reliable information. Bookstores' Buddhist sections are rife with myths about the religion (we will come to some of these misconceptions below). Buddhism-related disinformation abounds in university classes. Misinformation about Buddhism abounds in publications with a Buddhist theme. Even Buddhism-related english-speaking [sic] Reddit boards are prone to carry false information.
Buddhism is constantly distorted in the same way: to make it more agreeable to Abrahamic faiths(especially Christianity in the west) [sic]. To imply that it is subject to Western standards, Western religion, and Western consumerism and materialism.
…Asian teachers are frequently excluded from English-speaking Buddhist places (meditation centers, university forums, periodicals). Asians make up the majority of Buddhists in the United States, despite the fact that popular images of Buddhism in the West make it appear otherwise. In the minds of Westerners, Buddhism is a religion of white converts. They don't even pay attention to the odd lack of Asians in some Buddhist areas. (u/Tendai-Student)
It is no wonder that I went through a phase when I was a weeaboo with “yellow fever”. The Westerner commodifies and commercializes these Buddhist practices and East Asian customs like they do with several other cultures. Its misuse and stealing of Buddhism is the worst because its teachings are for us to end suffering by ridding ourselves of the three poisons: greed, ignorance, and hatred (which the Westerner promotes).
My realization of this drew me away from the West, similar to when my obsession with the East began. The difference is that my interest in the East now is not because of a fantasy born out of misguidance, especially not a sexual one. I now know that there is more to the East than its pop culture. But I cannot help thinking that none of this would have happened and I would better understand Buddhism had I been born to and raised by Buddhists in East Asia, or even a majority Buddhist country in South or Southeast Asia.
However, the possibility of a cycle starting with a yo-yoing fetishization of the East makes me anxious. When I realized what I was doing at first was fetishization, I did further research and found out that the West is to blame for its portrayal of the East in its media. This in turn makes me denounce the West and brings me back towards my obsession with the Sinosphere, which could lead to more fetishization.
Despite this, I am glad that at the very least, my interest is more than just wanting to live a kawaii lifestyle, hoping to have a “submissive housewife who will look young forever”, or all that neckbeard squick. I do have to say that there is something else that is drawing me towards the Sinosphere, not to mention that it is the region where Buddhism is dominant (the same is true to a lesser extent with the Indosphere). Even though I am not a huge fan of tradition since I am very progressive, when a region’s culture gets something right, they get it right. In addition to Buddhist values, the Sinosphere holds education and collectivism to a high degree. It is no wonder I find their people so much more intelligent and caring than people from my culture.
It is common knowledge that countries such as Japan, China, South Korea, and Singapore have the highest average IQs. To add to this (unbeknownst to many), even less developed countries, e.g. Mongolia, with high Buddhist populations around the same region, have average IQs higher than developing and undeveloped nations outside the region. The most agreed upon reason for this is cultural factors rather than genetic or economic factors. To conclude, Buddhism combined with values in the East Asian cultural sphere creates the best “brains” to represent humanity, thus the West should make way for them, especially considering the East’s superior collectivism.
Of course cultures do not stay the same forever because they change over time. One big thing that is different now in the Sinosphere and Indosphere (the latter I am mentioning because it is where Buddhism came from, though it is not as dominant in the cultural region as it was) is that they are generally much more patriarchal and anti-LGBT+ than they were up until the last several centuries. However, Buddhism treats same-sex relations and being transgender the same as heterosexuality and being cisgender (preferring celibacy among monastics, though depending on the school of Buddhism, those in the monastic order may be treated as their birth gender, even if they are transgender), and in addition, the Buddha taught that women are just as capable of attaining enlightenment as men. Even outside of Buddhism, there are records of same-sex relations as early as the Shang dynasty in China and the temple walls in Khajuraho, India depict homosexual activity. As for feminism, China was matrilineal until the Han dynasty era, when Confucianism and filial piety became mainstream in the area, while India, home to over 100 different ethnic communities, has had a few matriarchal and egalitarian societies pre-European colonization. In the modern era, numerous people in the two cultural spheres are becoming more supportive of gender equality and the LGBT+, which in some cases may be due to Westernization (not that it redeems it) or simply the individuals’ progressive political views not influenced by Western culture.
What has stayed the same for the most part, besides Buddhism, is the Sinosphere’s and Indosphere’s value of collectivism in honor-shame societies and the former cultural sphere’s emphasis on education; this is what Westerners, as well as people all over the world, need for themselves. If the West is going to fall due to hyperconsumerism, late stage capitalism, and uneducated leaders, those living in the West would be better off joining Buddhism and assimilating to the East. Arguably, the best way to do this is to move to a majority Buddhist country, preferably one in the Sinosphere (its core countries being China, Japan, the Koreas, Taiwan, and Vietnam). Leave everybody you know from your home behind, especially non-Buddhists. Just to make things clear, Westerners are not necessarily evil and it is not their fault they were raised in a Western culture, but having these people in your life will hold you back from collectivism, quality education free of anti-intellectual quackery, and above all, understanding the dharma.
After you have left everybody in your life and started anew, you can immerse yourself in the culture. Again, abandoning Western food, media, clothing, and especially inventions and scientific breakthroughs is very unnecessary. Your main focus is reprogramming your mind to think like a person (specifically a Buddhist person) in the Sinosphere/Indosphere, utilizing the high educational standards, putting the collective over the individual, and taking refuge in the Triple Gem. Before moving, though, it is best to make yourself familiar with the customs and learn the language of the place you are moving to. To aid your assimilation, it would not hurt to start dating one of the locals who strongly identifies with the culture, regardless of their race. Someone living there who is not ethnically East, South, or Southeast Asian who is still very involved in the culture would be very helpful to your assimilation as one who is ethnically East, South, or Southeast Asian (I am clarifying this to discourage racial fetishization). This may be difficult as you would have to win over approval from their parents, let alone convince them to see you as another Easterner, but if you manage to do so, that would be fantastic. To make things easier, you could plan to move to a country where people treat women as equals and are relatively accepting of the LGBT+ so you would not have to worry about gender roles or whatever. Think of places in the Sinosphere such as Singapore, Taiwan, Japan, Hong Kong, or if you are planning on going to the Indosphere (which is not too big of a step down) since they did give us Buddhism after all, Nepal and Thailand. Your most important goal, however, is to rewire your brain to think in a more Sinic or Indic way and be more in touch with Buddhism.
You can hardly consider yourself a Westerner if you manage to do so, being Western only in your country of origin (and possibly race as well). I am definitely not like those other “people” from the West who strongly cling to Western culture because they just do not understand. Western cultural merit is almost solely from the proxy of our ancestors’ inventions, scientific discoveries, and political revolutions. Considering that the West is being brought towards the wrong direction in the modern era, we should get out of there culturally, if not physically, until it all hits the fan.
If the West continues its defilement of the rest of the world, when it falls, it will bring it all down with it. We must not lose or else everybody loses.
This pressure has a good side; because the bigger the great threat becomes, the more we will push ourselves to assimilate and raise children to fight for us. Considering the infectability of Western anti-intellectualism and “main character syndrome”, how could our Western peers know better? Buddhism is not a proselytizing “religion”, so our best bet is eliminating the promoter of the three poisons, the Westerner (especially the Christian Westerner), from our own lives. How it will run to us as its society collapses under itself and we welcome it to assimilate but say “we told you so”! The older I get, the better I know the Westerner. The better I know the Westerner, the easier it gets to excuse hostility against them, especially from the Sinosphere.
From my perspective, the ones to blame are not the angry, low-middle class white males in the rural United States nor the boba conservative bananas and right-wing coconuts who suck up to the West’s biggest scum, but rather the ones who have brainwashed them to fall for chauvinism, reactionarism, and laissez faire capitalism.
Realizing this, I am now closely investigating the sources of these beliefs which make up the foundation of social Darwinism and, when combined with totalitarian thinking, capitalist fascism. This is after I noticed that these systems are unsustainable and would destroy themselves from the inside out. The slow, painful destruction of communities who fall victim to them are well known to me. If one looks carefully, they can see the consequences that have been unfolding since the 2020 Coronavirus Pandemic. You may wonder: were the founders aware of this? My guess would be that they were not but were evil nonetheless because they were too selfish to think about the future, their descendants.
If this is the case, then it is the duty of us, the opponents of these ideologies, to spread the word faster than the ideologies are currently spreading in the West. It is hard for me to believe it is not the case considering that both Western political ideologies are fundamentally reactionary. Besides, I doubt they would want civilization as we know it to collapse.
I have a social Darwinist as a maternal uncle who sometimes meets with my parents, maternal grandfather, and younger brother and with his political conversations, often sourced from flawed studies, Russian news, and 4chan, I can easily study the principles of its theories. Both of my parents are also conservatives who support Trump and other immoral American politicians. Being raised by the two of them, I bet I could disguise myself as a Western right-wing traditionalist, maybe even a social Darwinist, since I know the way they speak, to whom they flock to, and how to make them give one their full attention. It would probably be easy to do this as some right-wing grifters can fool American right-wing audiences into thinking that they share the same beliefs (e.g. Thomas MacDonald).
Their kind are gullible because they do not listen to fact checkers and often do not do research to see if who they are listening to really practices what they preach.
Even though there are Westerners who are not like this, the West cannot coexist with Buddhism, let alone the cultures where it is dominant, as the West ruled by colonizing tirthikas and it will likely always be for as long as it lasts. And just because their culture is not as viable as the one founded on Buddhist, Sinic, or even Indic values does not give them the right to imperialize the rest of the world and bring it down with them. We can welcome the Westerner willing to change its ways, turn it into one of an Easterner, and have its culture go through a quick and painless demise, or the Westerner can continue its power trip, destroy everything it touches along with itself, and society will suffer a slow and painful death. This is what the conclusion that I have come to so far as I examine capitalist fascism and Westerners’ connection to it.
The Western doctrine of capitalist fascism rejects an aspect of maitrī, fulfilling beings’ basic needs, and substitutes it for a privilege towards the bourgeoisie and the exploitation of the workers’ labor (also known as Vergegenständlichung or “objectification”). Thus it denies the worth of the collective, only concerns itself with greedy individuals, and thus is immoral. Unlike what the non-Buddhist capitalist wants people to believe, all beings have an altruistic Buddha nature, but it is corrupted, being difficult to notice as it has only conditions without a beginning (listed in the Avijjā Sutta). Abandoning capitalism, both fascist and non-fascist, gives power to the people as it ensures a more guaranteed right to life instead of having not even one thousand billionaires own more than half of Earth’s population combined, more than each one of those billionaires could ever spend in their lifetimes.
Should the Westerner, especially one who pushes capitalist fascism, strengthen its grip on humanity, it can be said that it would make its own naraka.
And so I stand by my plan and encourage others to do the same because it is in the name of the Unsurpassable Enlightened One. By protecting our kind against the Westerner, we are defending the Triple Gem.
If it is not already clear, the disapproval I feel towards the societal values and prevailing norms of the West has led me to question my place in this environment. I believe that meaningful change can only be fostered if the West is put into its place and the Sino-Buddhist East motivates our minds.
In Vietnam, where the culture is predominantly Sinic with some Indic aspects and little European influence, we can see the promotion of quality education, collectivism, and Buddhism (practiced by a forgivable 15% of the population), very unlike the nearby country of the Philippines. In the Philippines, its citizens cling to the Anglo-Saxon and Hispanic culture brought to the country by American and Spaniard imperialists. The effects of this are very clear in their average IQs (Vietnam: 89.53 vs. Philippines: 81.64) and PISA scores (Vietnam: 1403 vs. Philippines: 1058). They are both developing countries in Southeast Asia that were colonized by the West, but because Vietnam kept its culture more pure and stuck to Buddhism (or at least Sinic philosophies), its people are better educated compared to the nearby Westernized countries in a similar economic situation.
In short, Westernization leads to the following:

1. The native culture becomes diluted
2. If Western thinking intrudes, mental degeneration takes hold of the native population and its society slowly degrades along with the West itself as it eats itself from the inside out

Those who cause this to happen must be stopped, especially those who endanger Buddhism. We must not wait for the fruition of their karma for their sacrilege of the Tathagata’s teachings because by then it would be too late, and even if it is instant karma, every bodhisattva’s job is to end suffering.
Those who spread the harmful ideologies bring themselves and others away from the Buddha’s word are polluting humanity by having them join their rat race that will only end in their own demise. They are leading to the ruin of many and thus, I do not consider them to be human but instead parasites.
There is a disgraceful Western belief that for a short amount of time was not held by the majority but is now very pervasive in the West and also is the foundation of reactionarism, chauvinism, and capitalism in all cultures. It says: “My individual rights matter the most and freedom means my right to violate the rights of others.”
This Western babble is followed by numerous all around the world and sows disharmony in societies where it becomes the norm. This idea provides basis for several types of Westerners, including but not limited to:

• the “Karen”; a middle-aged, entitled, often white and anti-mask/anti-vaccine female who makes trivial complaints
• the “Chud”; a racist, misogynistic, right-wing male (usually young) who browses 4chan everyday and has a high likelihood of becoming a mass shooter
• the dayangma (Hanzi: 大洋马); a sex-obsessed young adult Western female, majority white but sometimes POC, is conventionally attractive (to Westerners), sleeps around, and in some cases creates spawn that do not know their father(s)
• the angry white male; self-explanatory, right-wing and traditionalist (sometimes a social Darwnist or capitalist fascist), commonly rural, evangelical Christian and have never seen a POC before
• the “Trad Wife”; a prudish, sometimes uneducated, female who lets Western males walk all over it and raises spawn who are likely to become angry whites
• the New Agehippy; generally a teenager or young adult, a well-meaning but poorly educated white liberal or social democrat who misappropriates Buddhism and appeases Muslims
• the AmeriKKKan fathegrandfather; a middle-aged to elderly, chauvinist male with children, sometimes also grandchildren, and is unconcerned about social justice and similarly to the “Karen”, falls for pseudoscientific conspiracy theories
• the neckbearded otaku (Hiragana: おたく); a hairy white male with “yellow fever” and mediocre hygiene, for the most part subreddit/Discord server moderators who stalk and kidnap East Asian ladies (if not teenage girls)

The growth of these groups is evidence of the degradation of Western culture, showing that it must retire as the dominant culture and make way for the much more sustainable East. Once the manuṣya realm on Earth is completely tainted by the West, Buddhas can no longer arise in the world because the dharma would be known by nobody and the Vinaya are forgotten or destroyed.
The future generation will not remember the dharma unless we halt the growth of the parasitic culture that promotes overconsumption, hyperindividualism, and anti-intellectualism.
The Westerner has a remarkable contrast to the Sinic or Indic. The Westerner has a grasp on this world so strong with its weaponry since the 16th century, using force to disrupt the traditional lives of whatever native people it saw, safe for those in a few countries (even though some of those countries are still being Westernized). The Dutch, English, French, Portuguese, and Spanish built colonies from the Americas to Southeast Asia. The kingdoms were blessed with powerful militaries, strong economies, stable governments, and advanced technology that allowed their cultures to spread. But after half a millennium and looking back, was any of this really earned? And is the Westerner’s conquest over yet?
Since the Great Schism of Christianity, the Westerner trained itself for roughly one thousand years. It trained itself in several aspects, but it forgot an important piece, the dharma. The cunning Westerner, blessed with advancements, used them to tyrannize other peoples on a scale never before seen. This was the beginning of the Latter Day of the Dharma. The dharma is declining because of the savage Westerner. And so, it leeched off of any people it got a hold of, including predominantly Buddhist peoples. Even during the decolonization of the 20th century, fundamentalist Christianity spread and threatened the dharma. To make matters worse, previously Buddhist peoples clung to Christianity as taught by their colonizers; the French in Vietnam and the Spanish and Americans in the Philippines. To this day, the Philippines is a lost cause along with its majority Muslim neighbors in Maritime Southeast Asia. The cunning Westerner turned the Filipino against us and now Buddhists make up only 2% of the Philippines’ population. Now, the Westerner sees Buddhism as nothing more than an aesthetic, a self-help lifestyle, or a decoration that they can commercialize and cherry pick aspects to integrate into their religion or lack thereof.
It is excellent for someone from the West to learn the dharma as this will turn them into a more compassionate and wise person, but they must not enforce the Western gaze onto it and discard parts of the Shakyamuni Buddha’s words they do not like. To be fair, some aspects of Buddhism would be nearly impossible for a Westerner to understand unless they assimilate.
Buddhism is not materialist or blind belief without evidence and it belongs to the East, so stop pretending to be something you are not while pushing stereotypes of Asian Buddhists.
However, even though Buddhism is not materialist or very in line with the Western worldview, it is uniquely human. Walpola Rahula, a Sri Lankan Buddhist monk and writer explains it this way:
Among the founders of religions the Buddha (if we are permitted to call him the founder of a religion in the popular sense of the term) was the only teacher who did not claim to be other than a human being, pure and simple. Other teachers were either God, or his incarnations in different forms, or inspired by him. The Buddha was not only a human being; he claimed no inspiration from any god or external power either. He attributed all his realization, attainments and achievements to human endeavour and human intelligence. A man and only a man can become Buddha. Every man has within himself the potentiality of becoming a Buddha, if he so wills it and endeavours. We can call the Buddha a man par excellence. He was so perfect in his 'human-ness' that he came to be regarded later in popular religion almost as 'super-human'. Man's position, according to Buddhism, is supreme. Man is his own master, and there is no higher being or power that sits in judgment over his destiny. (Rahula 3)
How could one even consider the Westerners who diluted Buddhism human themselves at this point? If it were not for them, Westerners may have a better understanding of the teachings of the “man par excellence”. We are lucky that the only Westerners who necessarily see us as inferior are white nationalists and fundamentalist Christians, otherwise the Westerner could have committed a genocide that would have left millions of us dead. Westerners are competitive beings, so they rarely act in concord towards each other. It is only when there is something that draws them together or away from a common danger.
If everybody on Earth becomes a Westerner, they would wallow in their shamelessness and would have nobody left to exploit except for each other until they destroy themselves.
Until they are the only ones left, they will vilify and exploit anything non-Western until they only have each other, then leading to a chaotic world of undignified militaries, economic inequality, corrupt governments, and little or no innovations.
Unless the Westerner considers even the slightest of inspiration from the East, it will continue to follow hyperindividualism and have apathy towards its education. That is why the West is falling. Those from the West who are smart enough to realize that the West’s flaws that it spreads are deciding that the West is not worth maintaining and its resignation is overdue. If those from the West abandon it to assimilate to the East, it would make the West’s death quicker but more dignified.
This is more than a fad but rather the realization that Western society would be best being a passing fad itself. The West gave us great inventions, food, clothes, scientific discoveries, etc. and once it is gone, the East can pick up where it left off just fine.
We will never abandon the Triple Gem because we recognize it to be more than a spiritual, exotic aesthetic or trend. To do so would make us just like those others in the West who Asian Buddhists look down upon. When the time is right, each and every one of us will surround ourselves with the people who know the dharma better than anyone you have met in the West and we can finally be at their level. We shall be Western only in our country of origin and/or race, but in every other way, we will be Easterners; Buddhist Easterners who will take back what rightfully belongs to us.
When we (and hopefully Buddhists outside of both the Eastern and the Western world) do this, consumerism will lose some of its biggest prey. Even though it may not seem like it at first considering we are abandoning everyone we have ever known, we are doing our ancestors a favor by joining the culture that strives towards the end of suffering. We will be leaving our cultures’ ways of thinking behind, but doing this will save face for our lineage, especially the Western lineage as we would be preventing the creation of more “Karens”, “Chuds”, dayangmas, “neckbeards”, and other degenerates. We will not be annoying dorky nerds and certainly not “neckbeards” who are overly obsessed with and fetishize the culture but people making an effort to get closer to the dharma and surrender to the East.
Although we are collectivists, we must seek personal liberation first for the good of other beings. Once the West collapses and its former supporters come running to us, we shall welcome them. If some do not recognize this before it is too late, well boo hoo! They will have a better birth with the world we will create. Some of them, especially their unlucky spawn, would probably be better off dead and reborn into a better life, maybe even the Pure Land.
The way it is looking now, the West is falling and becoming the world’s laughingstock, which is a good thing. The quicker it falls, the less painful it will be for the Westerner and everybody else. Western culture will not be missed, but we can keep the best of it and continue the innovations that the creators would wish to see. We will remember the legacy of them and be thankful while never forgiving or forgetting the ones who ruined the West.
Works Cited
“Ignorance Avijjā Sutta (AN 10:61).” Translated by Ṭhānissaro Bhikkhu. Dhammatalks. 2017, https://www.dhammatalks.org/suttas/AN/AN10_61.html. Accessed 31 May 2024.
Gabbe. “Western Culture.” Wikipedia. 25 May 2024. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Western_culture#:~:text=The%20core%20of%20Western%20civilization,Roman%20civilization%20and%20Western%20Christianity. Accessed 31 May 2024.
Rahula Thero, Walpola. What the Buddha Taught. Oneworld Publications, 1959. Accessed 31 May 2024.
u/Tendai-Student. “栄真Eishin (u/Tendai-Student).” Reddit, 31 May 2024, https://www.reddit.com/useTendai-Student/. Accessed 31 May 2024.
u/Tendai-Student. “Buddhism is being MISREPRESENTED in the West Marginalisation, cultural appropriation, misconceptions and what you can do.” Reddit, 2023, https://www.reddit.com/WrongBuddhism/comments/14zc6xg/buddhism_is_being_misrepresented_in_the_west/. Accessed 31 May 2024.

AITA for not wanting to stay with my sister and her two little kids for a few days, while her husband is gone
So, yesterday my brother in law texted me and asked if I would stay for a few days with my sister and her kids. My niece is 3 and my nephew is newborn baby. He asked me, beacaue his sister asked him to stay stay with her for a couple of days in their grandmother's apartment, so she wouldn't be alone the, because she's scared. She is in her 40's (her apartment was robbed about a year ago and apparently she is scared to be in the grandmom's alone). Also, she lives in another country, so my brother in law would need to travel to get to the grandmom's house. AITA for not wanting to stay with my sister and her little kids? I really love the kids, but I don't want to to be with them for days and sleep there. I have no children and have a different daily rhythm. I would help them if it was an emergency case, but his adult sister being scared to be alone for a few days is not a valid reason to leave his wife with a toddler and newborn, at least in my opinion. I'm actually kinda pissed he evan asked me and I feel shitty for not wanting to go and hate being in this position. And I think that one reason he wants to go is to chill a bit from the kids. I know is superhard having to small chilldren, but this is the life they choose and I think he needs to prioritize his wife and children. Thanks for reading and I would like to hear some opinions on this situation, am I too selfish or is he irrational for considering to go and expect that I would replacd him for a few days?

I female (29) is dating a man (41) who is currently based in the US. Technically foreigner sya. He is divorced and has kids. 2 adult kids and 1 minor. Ako single, never been married, and no kids.
We met on a dating app this January. Tapos pumunta sya ng Pinas nung February and we dated for 5 days. Pagbalik nya ng US he learned that he has cancer. Fast forward to the month of May, sabi nya sakin balak nya mag move in dito sa Pinas by the end of May pag nakakuha sya ng clearance from the doctor. He wants to experience life here in the PH and for our relationship para di na ldr. Masaya ako ofc na yun plano nya for us but skeptical because of his health. I told him na its better na dyan sya sa US kasi way advanced sila versus here sa PH. I suggested that he can come and visit me here every few months. After ko sinabi yun, pinag isipan nya ako na akala nya na I don't want him. So I explained it to him again at naging okay na kami.
Weekends came. He spend his days with the kids. Then the next day, he called me kinuwento nya how he enjoyed his weekends with them and the kids convinced him not to move in here sa Pinas because of his health. Napapaisip sya bigla dun pero desire nya talaga to move in here so I suggested again what I told him to visit here every couple of months para makabenefit lahat. And also remind him that we are waiting for the after chemo results.
After mother's day, I received a long message from him saying that he decided it's better that we just be friends. He can't leave his kids knowing anytime na pwede sya mamatay. He said, he will still be there to help me as a friend and to fund my business idea. He wants to fully spend time with them even if that includes na iwork yung relationship nya with his ex wife. Kakatapos lang nila mag usap ng ex wife nya dito over the phone. I was devastated and disappointed when I received his messaged. I understand naman his decision but it was unfair that he said these things sa text message instead of calling me long distance pa kami. He apologized and told me na he can't do it over the phone kasi kahinaan nya ako. Dati lagi sya sakin nag vevent out. Kinokomfort ko naman sya at binibigyan ng mga payo. Kaya gulat na lang ako na he decided na itext ako ng ganito. Then sabi nya sige mag uusap daw kami pero after talking to his work counselor. Kasi gulong gulo na sya sa mga nangyayari at desisyon nya. Ang daming suggestions left and right sa mga kaibigan, pamilya nya, parents etc so he needs time to think things through. But he never heard my suggestion about the situation kasi I have another idea sana to work things out for us pero gusto ko ishare over the phone. Sinagot ko na lang sige pero the decisions should be coming from him and what he truly wants. And he needs to weigh the pros and cons.
After 2 sessions with the counselor, same decision pa rin pero thru text message ulit. Sobrang nainis ako kasi hindi nya tinupad pangako nya na tatawagan ako. So I told him na since tapos na at nakapagdecide na sya I still want to share yung suggestion ko. Sabi ko sakanya na ipursue ko ang business para may strong home ties ako, I can travel longer, and save more money for the airfare. I can also help him with the medical bills from the profit. i will be there in 3-4 mos time. Tapos ayun nagdecide sya na tatawagan ako bukas which is tumawag naman sya sakin.
Nag usap kami pero since nakita ko how stressed he is and his eyes are all red kasi halata na he cried hindi ko na tinuloy mga dapt sasabihin sabi ko next time na lang pag usapan. So light conversations lang kami at puro kamustahan. We still talk and update pa rin pero nagbago na hindi na yung continuous talk kundi one long text per day at the end of the day. Tapos eto na last messages namin just today. Ako yung sa white at sya yung sa green message
https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1GS6oSlZzj87rvoo3-z9E3a6NEkGfGBXD

Background: I'm working a double today (3pm + Audit shift) because the auditor called in on my shift and conveniently everyone has plans including the weekend manager (if you count being at a bar "bowling alley" plans lol). I know he's going to a bar because he told me before he left haha so I didn't want to spoil that but I asked him to send me a picture of his score lol good luck with that. Supposedly the managers are supposed to be on call BUT it is payday so I'm not going to push it because I will get OT. Conveniently for me not by request, today was just supposed to be my last day for the week.
Anyway its busy were almost sold out so I turn off the inventory for the night etc. and am going to close up the pool when this story gets me thankful for this subreddit ... people think I'm exaggeration when I tell them what's going on and maybe I am a little bit here and there but WOW. Ya know what I mean.
Our sign reads: Pool hours 10am - 10pm Hot Tub closes at 11pm. That little ambiguity alone makes the maintenance guys think it doesn't have to open at 10am with the pool so sometimes they take their time with the morning chemicals before they open it up. We had a family swimming in the pool on and off throughout the evening and we allow "infants" in a certain area depending on the parents discretion ... I wish that wasn't the case its led to so many issues in itself. We don't allow kids at all into the hot tub that's strictly adults only. Despite our signage that is always an issue too. IF covid was good for anything it was closed pools and a pared down or completely shut down breakfast. Those good? days are over, for us here anyway.
Anyway the family I mentioned was enjoying out pool throughout the day and they took the posted sign about hours to mean the pool was open until 11pm and not 10. So when I came in 15 minutes earlier to get everyone out of the pool the kids started moaning and complaining then the adults started in as well. That's half-expected on any given night so I stood there for a few moments and let them rip then I pointed out our signage and before I finish one of the adults screamed "IT SAYS 11!"
I'm prepared for that too so I say in my loud firm customer service voice "The pool closes at 10pm as posted points to sign and the hot tub is open until 11pm and kids are not allowed in the hot tub points again to sign. I get the normal blowback as the kids start exiting with a few adults and usually the more tipsy adults stick around for the hot tub. I don't mind that it usually calms them down and they get to drink alcohol in cans and surprisingly we get few issues from that in particular. Unless they're with a sports group that's a whole different story.
So the kids leave and a few adults stay behind and a woman with a baby from the same family comes up and asks where our mother's room is. I don't remember the last time someone asked me that question and it takes me a moment to realize what she's asking so I tell her we don't have one and I offer her extra towels if she needs them for her room to nurse there. I honestly don't know if I overstepped a boundary by tacitly suggesting she go to her room to nurse because we don't allow that if asked in our lobby restrooms. Or at least we don't have the facilities for that in our lobby restrooms and we do not suggest that they nurse there. I think people go to their rooms generally to nurse because as I said I can't remember the last time I was asked that.
My response irked her and she began complaining about our pool hours, she doesn't want to be in the pool area if she can't sit in the hot tub with her baby if all the other people (ADULTS keyword) are allowed, etc. I hope she was just being difficult about not being able to take her baby into the hot tub and wouldn't actually do that. The baby starts crying and she said Oh great, now my babies upset and stared at me bug eyed for a few moments. I started to mutter something and she went "tsk tsk" and waved her hand in my face and said "whatever, I'll fix it with your manager tomorrow" and asked me to write my name down on my managers card. I just put an X with a few serifs or something and handed it to her and she took it without looking at it and walked off.
So I was still processing that when the rest of the people left the hot tub. They were pretty cool and relaxed and chatty and said our hot tub and pool were excellent and handed me a sizable tip and left the desk with a few cans of nice IPA. I packed that up quick for later and checked my tips and it was $45 bucks. That lessened the sting a bit of cleaning their mess while I finished shutting down the pool for the night.

Hi! Just a disclaimer that the post is not mine, I am just reposting.
"TW: Abuse, Domestic Violence, Violence against women, Sexist violence, Femicidal behaviour
I’m making this post because there is a violent abuse happening in the Helsinki scene and it’s gone way too far. I will name drop the perpetrator an his band in this text.
Chasen Dahlstrom (originally from usa) (The drummer in Depravement (FI)) was dating a friend of mine, its clear from the offset of the relationship that he was behaving very badly. He would lie, manipulate, harass, hurt and threaten her constantly. After my friend, lets call her ’Baby’ to protect her identity from further violence. Baby tried to leave him multiple times the situations started getting worse. Last winter (2023-24) he had crossed hard boundries, abusing her very much and stalking and harrassing her as she tried to leave him. He would randomly be hanging around the bars she frequents, events she goes to and even on the street outside her apartment building. Then it got worse, he assaulted her physically. After she swore to leave him, he started sending her threats and abusive language. Even though she blocked him he would make new accounts and got new simcards just to harass her more. Then, one day she noticed everything in her apartment was tossed around and upside down. She realised the home key that he had ”given back” to her was actually the wrong key. He had broken into her place, and when confronted, sent her death threats.
A group of friends tried to get the key back in person from him, as he refused, he threatened also their lives with a hammer
Many of us had been worried about Babys life, as this guy Chasen is totally fucking insane, and clearly abusive, unhinged and erratic. We just wanted her to be safe and found no other way than to take him to court.
However as many of us know THE LAW DOES NOT CARE ABOUT VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN 1313 smh ”insufficient evidence” despite 4 witnesses
After this he used the court situation as blackmail against her and to victimise himself to many ppl in the metal scene 😑
He also strangled her only some months ago. But the abusive relationship continues, and she kept falling back into it 😞
Now, only a couple days ago (around May 29, 2024) Chasen had started saying horrible things to her and being abusive when they were drinking together. As a result ’Baby’ spit in his face (which is valid considering how awfully he is treating her). Chasen's reaction was to physically assault her, violently. He beat her to the ground, violently punching her, he pulled her by the hair and beat her more as she tried to get out and screamed. They where alone. He then also choked her and dragged her by the neck across the floor. SHE COULD NOT BREATHE. She had blurred vision. She was not able to respond, from shock pain and lack of oxygen.
He then proceeded to assault her more. . .
After it was over he dragged her out of the appartment, her vision still gone from the immense violence. He told her ”this is your fault” and that he had ”Done this to his ex aswell”.
She was crawling away on all fours She survived But only barely . .
THE REASON I AM SHARING THIS TEXT IS I BELIEVE THAT, COLLECTIVELY, WE CAN APPROACH THE SITUATION TO PREVENT FURTHER HARM. THE COPS MAY NOT HELP. BUT KEEPING HIM AWAY FROM SPACES, CREATING SAFE SPACES AND SHOWING SOLIDARITY AND ACCOUNTABILITY TOWARDS VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN MAY REALLY HELP PREVENT MORE VICTIMS AND BABY.
He continues to threaten people around her, partners friends and everyone who confronts him. This includes continuous death threats.
. . . . . . I wanted to post this here because this Asshole travels alot