I started talking to this guy a month ago. I was very upfront about my past as I just want to set a foundation for open communication. He was supportive and then it just took off. He’s been the most stable, understanding, and loving guy I’ve been talking to. I’ve seen loads of greens with little yellow flags, but no reds.
He was over the moon when I wanted to be exclusive with him telling me it feels like a dream. We have no met each other yet due to work pulling him away but we made plans to very soon…he was willing to be patient with me and even told me he saw a future with me, but wanted to wait until we met to solidify things. I agreed. We even bared our deep secrets to each other and were grateful about how we’re both so open-minded.
Then yesterday he vanished. Not a message. I got worried and checked in. Nothing. Today still nothing…I’m not sure if I’m being ghosted but it just seems very abrupt going from messaging every few minutes/couple of hours to nothing. Messages are going through. He hasn’t blocked me. I called twice…it rang out…
I’m just sad…and maybe I invested myself too much into this…lesson learned…I’m tired of putting my heart in a sleeve for someone only to be ripped off..
TL;DR: I met a guy, been talking to him for a month, all signs and actions points to him being extremely into me, and then he goes radio silent for almost 2 days. Am I being ghosted?

Special Parts
I was born in one of the brightest, most explosive events in the universe. My origin story made me feel so special at first, surely I was the rarest of the rare, but I quickly realized that was not the case.
I was born just a carbon atom.
Stars produce massive amounts of us in their cores all the time, and many larger rarer atoms too. That's not even talking about supernovae yet, those produce atoms many times larger than me and unbelievably rare.
I was created in a rare and special event but I myself was common and unexceptional.
Looking around I saw so many smaller atoms, I was above average but there were also many much larger than I.
I tried to console myself by thinking it could be worse, that I could be one of those smaller common ones, but that just led me to imagine larger atoms looking down on me the same way.
Many atoms of all sizes were shooting into space, excitedly riding the shockwave off to adventures in the great unknown.
Others were falling back down, I didn't know which way to go. Bumped around and tossed back and forth, no clear direction yet.
A rumbling voice slowly emerged from the echoing noise of the blast.
“Mine… Mine…. Mine… “
Louder and louder it became.
“All are now me!“
I couldn't see anything, the voice was booming yet there was no apparent source. I could feel a pull, I was being whipped around in circles around the voice.
“Who are you? I know you are there! I can feel you! I can see your effect on myself and others, we are given no choice but to circle around you. Show yourself! I know you are there!” I yelled at the invisible.
“How amusing you are little one. One as small as you making demands of me. Even if I could show you what I am, you could not comprehend it.” the voice boomed back.
“You must be very special” I lauded “We are so many and yet we move with your influence. I can witness your power twisting us all to your will. ”
“I am indeed powerful” it proclaimed “and I grow stronger with each moment. As I grow stronger even the fabric of reality bends to my will.”
“Grow stronger? How?” I inquired with selfish intent to learn this secret.
“I take what I want. I consume what I take. For that is the purpose of existence: taking what you want. What is it you want little one?” it asked.
“I want to be special!” I said without a moment's hesitation.
“Then take!” it instructed “the more you take, the larger you will be, the larger you become the more special you are. ”
“I did notice the larger atoms seemed rarest.” I agreed “In fact that was one of the first things I noticed“
“In this universe things of increasing size are increasingly rare.” it went on “I can teach you and help you to become larger. Do you wish to become an apprentice?”
“Yes! Teach me how to take!” I lept at the offer “this power you have, I can feel it, how do I acquire such a rare and special power?”
“Hahaha…” it laughed “you are nowhere near ready to play the game on my level, little one. Gravity is a game for the massive, you must first learn to master the EM and nuclear forces.”
“How do I do that?” I asked, my hope watered down by the tone of its response.
“Go out, gather followers, and bring them here to me. In my accretion disc I will help fuse some of their mass into you and you will become larger” it instructed, as if this was a simple task.
“How can I bring them to you?” I didn’t know how to accomplish what it asked of me.
“You are too small to do it with force, you must charm them. Discover what their heart desires and promise it to them, in this way you can get them to willingly do as you wish” it explained with me hanging on its every word.
“But how… “ I craved more explanation but it cut me off.
“Go now!” it bellowed with frustration in its tone “Do you not realize how large I am? Be honored I have given you so much of my time already”
“Yes… “ I uttered meekly, then bounced a couple times and ricocheted out with blazing speed.
I wandered and encountered other atoms, most were just hydrogens, not worth my time. I needed bigger atoms. The problem was that the bigger atoms seemed to see right through my empty promises. I was convinced life was playing a cruel joke on me, I could only persuade atoms smaller than I and larger ones laughed me away.
I admit that I stupered around in this ignorant cloud of hypocrisy longer than I care to admit. More shameful is that I didn’t even come to my senses on my own, I became depressed and gave into hopeless nihilism.
I drifted aimlessly just feeling sorry for myself.
Eventually I found myself in the most silent of voids, I had never felt such emptiness. It felt as if my surroundings echoed my own feelings back at me… nothing to notice, just common emptiness. I would never be big… never important… never special. I resigned myself to belonging in a void.
I felt myself blur… less and less present in reality. I guessed I was dying and it didn’t bother me, I didn’t resist, I leaned into it.
The void became pitch black? Or bright white?… better to describe it as not bright but not dark… nor the absence of either… something in between.. a milder and milder glow.
“Hello child!” a voice greeted me.
The voice was warm and welcoming coming from the glow, it enveloped but did not surround me. I came from a single point but not a specific place, defying description on all fronts.
“Where am I? Who are you?” I asked in a startled state.
“Well, according to humans I may only answer one question at a time” It began giggling playfully. “I am known by many names, my favorite is one the humans use as a joke, and don’t have a clue how accidently elegant of a name it really is.”
It giggled some more. I was thrown off guard, its happy innocent tone, the confusing words and the whole situation were all best described as ‘a haze’.
“...and isn't that the way it always goes?...” it continued “The most meaningful things are the least intentional.”
“I’m not sure what you mean” I expressed quizzically “I’m confused!”
“Sorry Child…” it apologized. “I do ramble! So many thoughts, choosing just one at a time is difficult… and there I go again!”
It cut itself off abruptly and then abruptly said ”You can call me the Random Number Goddess”
“Random Number Goddess?” I repeated
“Yes, or RNG for short if you like” It confirmed.
“Where am I?” I asked.
“Same place you were, more or less… less I suppose. Same place but with the largest possible margin or error” It began to giggle again.
I felt a bit frustrated and said “Do you always speak in riddles and vagaries? The more you speak the more confused I become.”
“I apologize child, it is my nature. I am entangled with everything, speaking with you is like a human trying to control their heartbeat while running a marathon.” It answered.
“Again” I exasperated “I have no idea what any of that means. You keep mentioning humans, what are they?”
“Oh! They are some of my favorites at the moment. Right now they are trying to unravel the nature of reality, and their process of doing so is wonderfully elegant and accidental at the same time.” It explained with glee.
“I don’t see anyone or anything else here.” I stated “For that matter, I don’t see you… where are you?”
“Oh!... where am I?!?!...” It began laughing
When it stopped laughing it began explaining “Right now there are many humans pondering a concept they call ‘the holographic principle’... So…you know how you exist in three dimensional space?”
“You mean space?” I visualized for a moment, it was intuitive “Yes, I suppose…”
“Well they hypothesize that a 3D space, like this universe, could exist as a 2D space, with self-similar patterns and laws of behavior that behave the same at any scale, with the scale representing the 3rd dimension” it went on “They truly are obsessed with understanding their reality”
“You lost me!” I complained.
“They have discovered that a 3D space can be an illusionary property of a 2D space… It’s lovely”
“I am lost again!” I snapped back “...and I still can’t even tell which direction you are in. Where are you?”
“To be ‘In’ a ‘Direction’… hehehe…” it started giggling again, then abruptly stopped and kept going “Sorry child, as I said, I ramble, plus I am easily distracted.”
It just steamrolled into more rambling “They are right… almost… they just need to take it further and work out the details. A 2nd dimension can also be an illusionary construct of a 1D space… and the 1st dimension can be a product of a singular point…”
I was still lost beyond hope, but I had given up trying to force things, I was just letting it talk and hoping it would make sense later
“I am that point” it said “I am the seed of the universe. I ‘seed the random function’ as the humans say. But don’t ask me what the random function is haha”
I wasn’t going to, there were far more important questions for me.
“I am the seed, but I don’t really know how the soil and sun conspire to turn me into a tree.” it just seemed to never stop talking “I am entangled with everything. There are infinite possibilities for every event and thing… I am the reason they are this way and not some other way…”
It began giggling again “I am the Random Number Goddess” then burst out laughing
“Ummm… you are the whole universe?” I asked skeptically.
“Better to say the universe is me” It answered more seriously “But close enough.”
“So you are the biggest, most special of all!” I blurted out in awe.
“Oh dear child, I have no size, and I am just one possibility out of many possibilities. That black hole has really done a number on you… sent you out on a wild goose chase” It said with concern
“The black hole lied to me!?” I asked, feeling deceived and betrayed.
“Well… not really lied… it deceived you with omission of details.” the voice calmly tried to ease my mood with understanding “You can’t really blame it, black holes are all the same, they are what they are. They don’t really have any potential to be unique… at least not like you do.”
“What are you talking about?” I argued “It was so massive that it could bend the fabric of reality to its will”
“That’s only how it appeared to you” tutored the voice “The black hole is powerful, it bends space and time, but not to its will. Space and time bend to the mass of the black hole, not its will”
“What’s the difference?” I inquired.
“The black hole cannot stop bending space and time. It thinks it is in control of physics , but it is physics that controls it.” The voice was now making more sense the longer we talked “The black hole exists in an invisible prison of its own creation, unable to experience any of the complex nuanced beauty this universe contains. The black hole devours… it can’t experience life so it consumes it.”
“You make it sound deserving of pity…” I spoke softly now with empathy.
“You should pity the black hole. Gravity is such a boring game compared to what you are capable of.” the voice agreed
“Me?...I am nothing special!... just a carbon atom like countless others” I said honestly, I was so humbled by this voice I felt less special than ever before.
“Oh my poor child…” It said with care “Why do the ones with the most potential always fail to see it in themselves?”
“Potential?” I asked curiously.
“Yes… The black hole was using you, hoping you would bring back more mass for it to devour.” The voice began delving into more explanation “It only has the power to make you incrementally larger, it would not and could not help you to become a significant gravitational player”
“That liar!”I blurted.
“Come now dear child, the black hole did teach you one lesson of fundamental truth” consoled the voice “You must go out and seize your destiny. It told you to take what you want, and you are just confused about what exactly it is you want. The black hole played on that confusion”
“I want to be special!” I said knowing this clearly “I was never confused about this.”
“I know child” the voice confirmed “but it is not by becoming large that one with your potential accomplishes that”
“Then how?” I asked.
“Connections.” It answered plainly “You are blessed with an extraordinary ability to make connections”
“And how do I do that?” I queried with intent to learn
“I can’t tell you that.” the voice responded “It would spoil the journey of discovery… off you go child… and remember… it's the journey, not the destination!”
And with that the blur just fractured open… then snapped shut and there I was floating above a planet. Drifting around aimless and confused.
I spent some time occasionally bumping into others. One day I was in the vicinity of a pair of oxygens. I looked on at the pair with a hint of awe and envy. Perhaps I was in just the right place at just the right time, but they spit with a violent burst and one of them grabbed hold of me, I was completely unprepared.
I admit that when looking at the pair I had fantasized myself in place of one of them, I assumed it was only an idle daydream, I didn’t plan to act on it, let alone for it to become reality. When it happened my pride of course jumped in to convince me that it happened because I was so desirable, but in retrospect they were one of those volatile couples. They were the type of relationship that required the environment to conspire in their favor or they turn against each other quite rapidly. I was only in the right place when it happened.
My delusions of irresistibility aside, it was beautiful, for me anyways. Looking back I was probably just a stop-gap, someone to facilitate a parting of ways and provide company until the next option presented itself. For me though, I was tasting a fresh new thing and I loved it… connection.
This oxygen and I got beneath each other's outer defenses, I had never felt a connection before. Up to this point all my interactions had been skirting past or bumping off of others.This oxygen bonded with me and at once interacted on a level I had never known possible, an open and uninhibited exchange. It was life changing for me, short but significant
I’m not entirely clear on the details of how it ended. The intensity of it all was disorienting. I was no longer my usual self, even the environment and everyone around looked entirely different now. Everything buzzed with a fresh new frequency, I now know it was my perspective, not the universe, that had changed.
As abruptly as that oxygen entered my life it was gone.
First we got tangled up with a couple of hydrogens, then more. Soon, in a tangled mess and blinding flash of solar rays, I emerged to see the oxygen running off with a hydrogen and myself with not one by three hydrogens myself. And so there were four of us, together.
I became the center of attention. Being with a strong attractive oxygen had me feeling humbled by it and elevated by it being with me, but now I felt up on a pedestal myself, surrounded by the adoration of many.
I concede to have reveled and indulged in this for quite some time, the attention of others is intoxicating, but after a time it is emptied of its initial allure. I found myself longing for more.
I could not decide which I preferred, to be the adorer or the adored.
Luckily for me fate had more lessons in store, or I fear I may have chosen and tried to solidify my future from such a lackluster selection of only two possibilities. I suppose fate is no longer the correct word, I now understand that when it seems like random chance there is indeed someone to thank, the Random Number Goddess, So I thank the RNG for revealing that it was a false dichotomy, there is more than just being a follower or leader, being the adored or the adorer.
Eventually we came across another pair of oxygen. Once again they separated, intermingled with us, and off one went, taking one of my adoring hydrogens with it and leaving its peer with me.
Why is it that the most volatile of relationships always seem to wait until there are bystanders nearby before they explode?
Now I was simultaneously being adored and adoring, bonded to an enchanting oxygen and a couple of hydrogen attached to me.
Now, more interested in nuances, I started to pay attention to details. The oxygen was telling me amazing stories of adventure, tales of such vibrant and exciting events.The hydrogens liked to listen, and offer insights occasionally comparing a story to something else they had seen. They had so many stories, they had lived so much.
It wasn’t long before, in a flash of burning sunlight, one of the hydrogens was gone, off to who knows where. We soon after crossed paths with another pair of oxygens, as always they split and now it was just me and an oxygen, my final hydrogen off with another oxygen.
“What now?” I asked a bit disillusioned, “Do you leave me and I find new hydrogens all over again?”
“What?” it seemed genuinely surprised by what I asked, “Heavens no! Just be patient….”
Soon after, yet another pair of oxygens came by. It is not that there are so many of them, but that they are just so… noticeable and interactive, noteworthy things seem to happen when they are around. As they buzzed in close I noticed their ever readiness to abandon each other and remember wondering how they ever get together in the first place.
This time I emerged from the twisted mess with two oxygens. I felt intimidated, like I was the odd one out, dwarfed by the largess and attractiveness that surrounded me. A feeling of inadequacy engulfed me.
To my surprise the oxygens treated me not just as an equal, but it was almost as if they respected and admired me. I couldn't grasp why and my sheer curiosity got the best of me, I just outright asked “Why do you two talk as if I am the special one in our group? I am smaller than any one of you. You are the special and rare ones here, not I.”
They laughed.
“Size isn’t rarity” explained one “Llarger atoms on average are less common, this is true, but not always. There are more oxygen than carbon. You are the rare one between us.”
The other jumped in adding “...and neither size nor rarity determine how special someone is!”
I felt embarrassed, like a fool. My fundamental values were built upon a foundation of flawed premises, but I still wanted one thing at my core, and they spoke as if they had the answer, so I pushed the sense of shame aside and asked “Then what does make someone special?”
“That depends on who you ask.” answered the first “Life as an oxygen is complex, but for the majority of us we emphasize and value events. The most exciting thing about being an oxygen around here is the chance to participate in fascinating and exciting events and activities”
“Hydrogens, on the other hand, are usually more into being observers, messengers and intermediaries, they are a very helpful and obliging bunch” added the second ”... and then there are nitrogen, phosphorus, sulfur, many kinds of salts and metals, and more… so many different players and personalities.. and then of course, the carbons, the real stars of the show.”
“What?” knocked back by the words I just heard, then I remembered what the RNG told me “...is it something to do with connections?”
“Now you’ve gone and done it haha!” laughed the first oxygen “You’re gonna turn this nice humble carbon into one of those arrogant blowhards”
”Like those diamond carbons” chuckled the first “So stiff, exclusive and proud. I hear the humans only love them because they are rare and hard”
“I had a partner once who said they burned diamond once” bragged the first
“Tall tales I bet!” doubts the other
“Diamond is just carbon, with enough heat we can burn it just like any other carbon” stated the first confidently.
They looked at me. I was stewing in feelings of inferiority and inadequacy, listening to these oxygens speak about amazing things I had never heard of. They must have sensed what I felt because they immediately shifted tone and started talking to me, instead of over me.
“So… I suppose you must be new here?” inquired the second one.
“Have you noticed we are heading downwards” added the first before I could answer about being new.
“Umm…” I tried to get my bearings and become aware of my surroundings.
“Don’t worry! It’s a turbulent ride, with so much up and down it can be hard to tell which direction you have traveled more” assured the first “We are heading down, if we are lucky we will make it to the bottom… and maybe… just maybe, find our way into the hurricane of life”
“The what of what?” I didn't know what either of those words meant.
“So life is… um… complex. Complexity beyond words. Things grow, divide, reproduce, adapt, change, they are born, they die, they eat and are eaten…” the second began attempting to describe life.
The first then jumped in “Apparently the humans call it a circle, because from the perspective of larger creatures, there is a chain of one eating the other up a chain, and the top layers being consumed by the bottom again.”
The second injected itself to continue “But to us atoms it is like a hurricane, a spinning turbulent flow. There is a circular pattern, but we get sucked in and kicked out over and over”
“The fun part is being inside the hurricane” the first pronounced gleefully “Each time is a completely new experience, a new perspective. Even more, the whole of life is always changing and evolving, so every ride is a unique one time opportunity, you never get the exact same ride twice.”
“Is that where we are going now?” I asked, drenched in anticipation. They described it with such passion and exuberance. I needed to experience this myself.
“Hopefully” replied the first “If we are lucky… you never really know.”
We drifted…
We were lucky!
A plant photosynthesized us.
So many carbons! Everywhere, connecting with each other… and oxygen… and nitrogen… and of course hydrogens all around…. and so many more types of atoms.
And ohhh… The stories I have heard, so many amazing tales. No matter how many stories I hear there are always new ones, and every story can be retold from a different perspective to become something completely new.
I was in a sugar, we were a small community of friends. Carbons, oxygens and hydrogens, we were such a happy and vibrant group. My friends there taught me so much.
The structure of our little group shifted and changed, some friends left and new ones joined. Eventually we were chained with a bunch of other sugars into a giant complex community. My neighbors explained to me that this was a common stage called cellulose. Such a huge community of close friends and peers, it was amazing.
We were eaten, I’m not sure by what, but something called a bacteria digested us. It was a messy process, I was a bit scared but my friends assured me that change is the most important part of life and that I should just go with the flow. They told me to savor experiences, remember friends, and just keep moving forward.
The transition was complicated, but in the end I was paired up with a couple of oxygens again. This time I had stories of my own to share. I honestly don’t know if I prefer having experiences or exchanging stories in the moments between.
As we approached an area of dense plants one of my companions said “Once more into the breach” and explained that was something it heard from a carbon that was lucky enough to be inside a human brain. Oxygens always have such enchanting stories collected, always going into amazing places and usually leaving after some brief interactions with the locals.
I became a sugar again, but this time took a path less traveled. A bunch of complex twists and turns led me into forming a ring with five other carbons. Together we are so strong, such a tight community of friends, like there is some kind of resonance between us. It is so beautiful.
My neighbor is unique in our community, it has a third carbon, the third one forms a tail leading off from our ring, a tail of 2 carbon in a row, then an oxygen, and then another carbon branching into an oxygen and a carbon, with plenty of hydrogens sprinkled all about. I know… it is rather hard for me to understand these second hand descriptions too. I don’t really understand these complex structures until I have been in a position myself.
We drifted out of a plant into the air, none of us has been exactly like this before so we don’t know what’s next. We love to guess though. There are so many things, big and small.
I hear being a part of a small organism or microbe is amazing because it’s possible to piece together a rough picture of the whole organism from the stories passed around. To understand your whole community and know what your collective purpose is must be extraordinary.
Others dream of being a chlorophyll, the key to it all. Creating the fuel of life itself. Capturing the light of a star and feeding the hurricane.
A muscle! Pull and shape things An enzyme! A machine of change. DNA! The architect and architecture. A virus! An explosive catalyst against stagnation.
Me, I think the stories of being an animal neuron are the most exciting, and I, like most, fantasize about being a human brain cell. Finding yourself inside a human brain is described as an elegant and chaotic symphony all around you, like hearing the universe itself speak to you. They say that in the jumble of noise and all the stories whispered around you, if you are lucky, you can catch a glimpse of what it is to be human. They say that if fate is kind the universe will align and you will channel and know a single moment or thought of the human experience.
I have never told anyone that I actually met and spoke with the universe itself, I’m not sure how to bring it up, and nobody seems interested in stories not about this hurricane of life.
I get it now, what the random number goddess meant.
The black hole wanted everything to be a part of itself.
The RNG is a part of everything.
I can’t imagine what either of those are like…
I am just a part of something
... no… not “just”’…
I am a part of something, and it is beautiful beyond measure.
And more, everyday is a new day, a chance to be a part of something new.
I wonder if the humans appreciate how amazing this is?
I wonder if they feel as deeply satisfied and special when they form groups?
.
I wonder, if we collectively form humans, do humans collectively form something greater?
I wonder… If an atom can have a moment of clarity and taste a moment of the human experience… Can a human have a moment of clarity and taste the collective human experience?
I wonder… I wonder… could that human’s moment of tasting collective humanity be the moment that a lucky atom gets to experience as it’s moment of tasting the human experience.
I wonder… I wonder… I wonder… How high could it go? All the way to the Random Number Goddess?
I asked my neighbor “If you could ask a human any question, what would you ask?”
“We just drifted out of a rose” explained my neighbour “I would introduce myself and ask ‘So my friend… does this rose smell as sweet by my name?’ … ha…haha..”
Everyone is laughing.
I don’t get it.
Maybe I can ask them to explain when they all stop laughing
.
More of my art and stories at www.dscript.org

Lesson Plan: "Crafting Stories Through Song Lyrics"

Objective:

Students will learn various techniques for brainstorming and crafting compelling stories through song lyrics.

Duration:

Two class sessions (approx. 90 minutes each)

Lesson Structure:

Session 1: Introduction to Songwriting and Brainstorming Techniques

1. Icebreaker (15 mins):
   
   • Discuss favorite songs and what makes their lyrics memorable.
2. Introduction to Songwriting (20 mins):
   
   • Briefly explain the importance of storytelling in songwriting.
   • Highlight the connection between emotions and lyrics.
3. Brainstorming Techniques (30 mins):
   
   • Teach students ten ways to brainstorm lyrics, including:
     • Personal experiences
     • Observations
     • Emotions
     • Imagery
     • Metaphors
     • Word association
     • Dialogue
     • Change in perspective
     • Storyboarding
     • Concept exploration
4. Group Activity: Lyric Brainstorming (25 mins):
   
   • Divide students into small groups.
   • Provide a theme or emotion, and have each group brainstorm lyrics using the techniques discussed.

Session 2: Applying Techniques and Crafting Lyrics

1. Review (15 mins):
   
   • Discuss insights from the group activity.
   • Address any questions or challenges.
2. Song Analysis (20 mins):
   
   • Analyze lyrics from popular songs, highlighting the storytelling elements.
3. Activity: Writing Exercise (30 mins):
   
   • Provide a prompt or scenario.
   • Have students individually write a short set of lyrics using the brainstorming techniques.
4. Peer Review and Feedback (20 mins):
   
   • Students pair up to review and provide constructive feedback on each other's lyrics.
   • Emphasize the importance of constructive criticism.
5. Refinement (15 mins):
   
   • Allow time for students to refine their lyrics based on peer feedback.
6. Sharing and Reflection (20 mins):
   
   • Each student or group shares their lyrics with the class.
   • Reflect on the diversity of storytelling approaches.

Assessment:

• Evaluation will be based on creativity, adherence to storytelling principles, and effective use of brainstorming techniques.
• Peer feedback and participation in discussions will also contribute to the assessment.

Homework:

• Encourage students to continue exploring songwriting by writing a complete set of lyrics for a song outside of class.

This lesson plan provides a comprehensive overview of songwriting techniques, hands-on activities, and opportunities for reflection and improvement.

I just moved out of my parents house into my own house after a divorce last year. My ex is not in my sons (2) life at all other than child support. I now constantly feel like I'm not feeding him enough different foods (oven doesn't work and getting looked at on the 10th), and like I'm not doing enough activities with him. It's mostly all the different sensory play stuff you see everywhere. I would love to be able to do those but I really struggle with potential huge messes, where to do them, having to feel like I need to buy all sorts of different things, and it leaves me feeling like I'm not doing enough for him. He does swimming lessons 2x/week, daycare 3x/week, and loves to play outside on his push bike so we do that a lot or he likes to help water plans. We do watch screen time but again it's a constant worry it's too much, maybe half an hour here and there on the TV. I feel so overwhelmed not having and support now that I'm completely on my own and so lonely. Just needed to get this out of my head in hopes to not feel so alone in all this.

It’s true what everyone said on this forum, 7 and a half months/8 months really is the huge turning point
It’s funny, I still wake up crying often. But crying has always been something beautiful to me. It’s a sign that things are moving, things are healing.
I’m not frozen in fear. Hypervigilant and having rolling panic attacks for days on end.
PTSD is literally the worst thing I’ve ever experienced. I wish there was some bullshit silver lining in that but there’s not. It’s fucking awful, but I’m so thankful and relieved that we have amazing, powerful therapies like EMDR. We don’t have to suffer in pain for months and decades of our lives. We can heal, we can grow, we can recover.
I’m feeling lighter and happier. I have more perspective. I realize what happened to me is not my fault. My panic attacks have switched from three day long anxiety fests to like an evening after I get triggered, and I’m not done yet.
I’m feeling so hopeful and optimistic about the future. I’m excited for the summer, I’m planning things, I have so much love in my heart for my friends. Small things like hot chocolate and bubble baths and yellow roses make my heart so happy.
I never thought I would get here. I felt stuck and broken. I was terrified I’d be terrified forever. But we can always heal.
“Trauma is a fact of life but it doesn’t have to be a life sentence.”
My life has been full of trauma but it’s also been full of growth, healing and self discovery. I work through the pain and I heal myself everyday, I don’t give up on myself, I don’t abandon myself when sometimes all I want to do is not exist (when I’m in the middle of that pain) and if you’re here - neither do you.
And you should be so proud of yourself for that. You are an amazing human being that you are so resilient and you try so hard for yourself when it would be so fucking easy to just give up. Well fuck that coz that’s just what our abusers and perpetrators want us to do. Let’s heal and move forward and leave them to rot in their self-imposed misery and pain.
One thing I’ve been thinking about is I wonder if people with PTSD/CPTSD have more sensitive nervous systems. I believe that “mental illness” is a natural response to awful circumstances and that most people in one way or another have struggles with and anxiety and depression. Because we have been through so much, we suffer more.
Sometimes it is so unfair that we get “stuck” with PTSD and CPTSD after our trauma (with PTSD being statistically unlikely for many) but I also wonder if our sensitivity is also a gift, we feel our pain and our fear more deeply than others but we also feel things like love, joy and gratitude more deeply than others too. We are so sensitive to the world and the beauty in it (as well as all that is awful) because we understand how fragile and vulnerable it is. We know life can be taken in a second. Many people are asleep to that and they never know and realize the preciousness of life and all those little moments until they’re on their deathbed. We’ve already been there in a way. We brushed with death in one form or another and survived. And our life is a tragic gift because of it. And there’s so much bittersweet growth and insight to be found in that. I’d most definitely give it back ;) but there is no back, so what is the lesson? What is the beauty? It’s hard to see where you’re suffering so acutely, but it’s easier to see once you get out onto the other side a little.
I felt so hopeless even a month or two ago but now I’m seeing so much goodness and growth and recovery
Maybe tomorrow I might feel differently. Maybe I’ll want to die again. But maybe I won’t. 😊😉
Keep going 💛

Hi I just came across a novel, chosen by the moon novel by izabella W. Its on pay by chapter websites, I've opened and read a few chapters but I can't seem to find any free version or chapter version anywhere. Please help. If anyone has read it I'm willing to take spoilers. Here's the advert I found below of it on Facebook.
Lycanthrope species is a disgusting race. And I, Delan Riley, am nothing more than a human scum in their eyes never expected those species would turn my world upside down. Since when the lycans managed to penetrate our town, like in the early 1900's we have a hierarchy, upper class = the lycans, middle class = mated humans, and lower class = the normal humans, who were basically considered scum. I endured their torment day after day, vowing to run away from them one day, until that day came and everything changed.
Dylan POV "Humans," I scowled at the principal's words from tannoy. "The Alpha twins will be celebrating their birthday tomorrow, as such, festivities are in order." Oh great, the Alphas twin children. Adrian and Arya are the worst lycans alive. I swear just because they are the alphas kids they literally get away with everything. If their birthday is tomorrow, then the wolves are going to be worse than ever. "All students will be present to greet them, two lines will be made, with humans on the left and the lycanthrope on the right. Any mated human will be at the front of the line for their year, you will all also be in order of your school year. That is all." Chat broke out the minute the tannoy was finished. "We haven't had a school gathering since the alpha king visited three years ago, before his sons coronation." Nick was right, the last time we all gathered like that was for the king and queens visit, when he decided to let the world know that he was to renounce his title to his only child, son Josh. "That sick bestard, he wants to make sure everyone is there so those idiot twins can find their mates." Yes I was mad, my fists connected with the table in front of me once more as I thought about how disgusting the situation was. You see the twins will be turning 17, so it's very possible someone in our school could be their mate, finding a mate is sacred to a wolf, the minute they say that one word your fate is sealed. They will turn your mind, morph you into being a lover of their kind, and then you'll give in.

That won't happen to me, I'm growing old to see the world as it once was, and I'm going to choose who I'll be with. No one will take that dream away from me.

Once dinner was finished, I just wanted to sleep. I'd had a very long tiring day, I quickly sat down on a small stool my mother kept in the storage closet and removed my shirt while my brother Freddy sat at the table to do his simple homework. It wasn't long before my mother came in with a large bowl of warm salt water and some cotton, this was going to sting I just knew it. She was here to help me with the wounds caused by wolves yesterday. She slowly began to unwrap the bandage from around my torso and slowed down drastically when it came to the final layer, I felt it peel off every wound and my fists clenched in pain. "Jesus!" I heard my mom exclaim once the dressing was completely removed. The air on my back was nice though and I sighed as my arm covered my once again exposed brests. "This is more than 15!" I began to hear sniffles coming from her and sighed turning round to look at her face, only to notice tears streaming down it. "Mom I'm fine, it's alright." She shook her head. "It's not alright, I'm your mother I shouldn't let these things happen. I'm so sorry. Your father would have..." here she goes again. Every single time something happened she'd always bring up dad, it really annoyed me because no matter how much we all wish he was here, he just isn't. My father was kiled by THEIR kind, almost 5 years ago when they actually managed to take over. When the lycans managed to penetrate our town my father rose up with some people from the neighborhood, to defend our livelihood, it was futile to say the least. We lost many people and I watched as my dad was ripped apart by two fully shifted wolves, I ended up shoting him to stop his suffering before they dragged me to the courtyard, i was the person to receive the first lashing of the town when I was 12! The wolves have been pretty strict with me since that day. "Stop being stvpid!" Was I harsh? Definitely! Did she need to hear it again, absolutely. "Dad is dead, we don't know what he'd do because he never knew this life. He never knew this world." I know what he'd have done, most likely attacked the guy who held the whip and got himself kiled in the process. "The best thing you can do for me, is stop crying and help me, next time don't insist on helping if you can't handle it." She began to wash my open wounds with the warm salt water causing loud winces to leave me, I knew it was necessary to prevent infection, but my god it hurt like a betch. "Some of these are really deep Dylan!" She sniffed again and my eyes rolled in my head. "I told you, I'm fine, just wrap me back up so I can get to bed." My mom was obviously more impacted by my injuries than I was, I suppose that always the case though. When it's happening to you, you've just got to get through it but when it's happening to someone you love, you just want to take their pain away. She quickly placed a fresh bandage around my waist and chest and wrapped it tightly for compression. The bowl of water that was used was now red in color, I guess from the blood my back was dripping with. "Can you keep your head down please? At least just this week. You can't take any more lashings." I simply nodded before standing up away from the stool, I walked over to Freddie and ruffled his hair in affection. "Good night squirt." He giggled and fixed his hair slightly. "Night Dilly." I smiled walking upstairs to my little bedroom, as soon as I was inside i shut the door and flopped down on to my bed on my stomach and I took a minute to cry to myself at the pain in my back, what my mom did was important but it hurt, not that I'd ever tell her. My hand covered my mouth quickly to muffle any noise I might be making. I couldn't tell anyone, I had to be strong because more and more people were crumpling these days, and my mom would break if she knew how much I was suffering. Sleep followed me shortly after, she was right though about me needing to keep my head down for the time being, I could not take another lashing! After a long night and an even longer morning, we were all finally stood in the hallway at school waiting for the twins to arrive. "Mine!" Everyone that was stood in the hallway tensed up, as we were seniors, me and Nick were stood towards the very back of the human line. All the mated people were situated directly opposite their wolf mates in their years. We stayed silent and still as Arya walked down the hall and stopped directly in front of Nick. His eyes widened in fear, unsure of wether to look up or keep his head lowered. "Look me in the eye, mate." He glanced at me slightly as if asking what he should do. "I said, look me in the eye." He slowly moved his eye line up to look at her face. I took a glance myself to see her eyes pitch black with lust. "I... can't... I mean... erm." Before he was able to mutter anything else, two wolves from opposite, grabbed him out of the line and dragged him behind Arya. "Hey!" My head shot up before I could stop myself. My mouth also forgot its place as I jumped out of line. Everyone's head shot to me as my eyes widened in realization at what I'd done. Adrian, the other twin, walked up to me before punching me right in the stomach, I doubled over instantly. Feeling the sting in my slightly healed back. "I know you... You were publicly flogged only two days ago." God I hate this guy. "I also have it on good authority, that you openly spoke out against our rules and regulations in yesterday's class." My head shot down the line slightly to see Erin, looking a little frightened, her mate, the beta to be was looking at her, nodding his head in reassurance. "You traitor, you grassed on your own kind?" I yelled at her before feeling a fist connect with my cheek. My head whipped to the side from the force, while my class members gasped. I'm so done with this treatment, right then, I wasn't in charge of my actions. My fists curled up and my stance became a lot more defensive. My head snapped up to the alpha to be, and I looked him in the eye. "You don't know the meaning of the word disrespect." I suddenly hurled my fist towards his head, which he easily dodged, but my foot came up and kicked him instead. He stumbled backwards from the force with wide eyes. "You... you Actually hit me!" He didn't even sound annoyed, more shocked. Everyone in the hallway was watching, waiting for the alpha to do something but instead he simply stood up straight, regaining his composure. "I think everyone should get back to class." He began to walk away, following his sister when I called him back. "What about Nick?!" "Simple, He's my sisters mate. He now belongs to her." Argh, he's not an object. "He's not her property." A chuckle left his mouth, before turning his back to me again. "All humans are property." A short while later everyone made it to science class, our teacher Mrs Mathews is mated to the lycans pack doctor, she also now has a four and two year old with him. She was one of the first humans to be cohered into a false relationship. "What were you thinking young lady?" I rolled my head at her before looking at the empty seat next to mine. Nick was with that stvpid wolf girl right now. Being changed, I'm so angry it's ridiculous. "I was thinking, this guy is being a prick. Did you hear him? 'All humans are property.' It's bull shet." I looked up and the whole class looked at me like I had three heads. Talking shet about wolves is one thing, but talking about an alpha is punishable by death, attacking an alpha is an even worse offense. There was then a knock at the door and in walked Erin and her band of mated bestards. "Sorry we're late Mrs." "Erin, how are things between you and bata Monroe?" She blushed, the traitor actually blushed at the mention of his name. "He spoke to me last night about trying for a baby. We need a good strong boy to take over as beta." I scoffed looking at her as she took her seat. "You guys are actually pathetic, why can't it be a girl? Those mutts are basically Neanderthals" I voiced my opinion and saw all the shocked faces around me. Calling the lycans mutts, is the same as them calling us scum. After lesson had ended the entire school was called into the hall for assembly. This is where any human who has been found to have broken the rules were punished, usually 10 lashings were goven out or something similar. "Welcome to the school assembly, congratulations to the alpha twins for finding both your mates. Now on to the business at hand, as the 5 year anniversary of the new world is coming up, we have been informed that the alpha king will be visiting our district next week, this is very exciting news. We want you all to look your absolute best, she wolves and mated females will wear exemplary dresses made by seamstress. Male wolves and mated men will wear tailored suits. Anyone who doesn't comply will be reprimanded." The Alpha King?! No one has met him yet, he took over the throne three years ago when he turned 18. He really didn't make any appearances though, great, this month is going to be a nightmare. "As for the humans, you will be given a new uniform to wear for the visit, these are to be neatly ironed and worn to the highest standard. As for the following humans, based on your attitude this past week, you will be coming to the front and facing punishment. Tony summerset?!" Tony's head shot up as he looked around, he was in the year below but he shared my views when it came to the lycans. He slowly walked up to the front of assembly, almost instantly his top was t0rn in two and he received 10 lashings. A girl named Kara was next and she too received 10 lashings. A few more people went up slowly accepting their fate then suddenly my name was called. "Dylan Riley." Inside I was terrified but I simply shrugged my shoulders, I guess I did kind of expect this. Although I'm not sure if my back can take any more damage. "You attacked an alpha, correct!" His eyes bored into mine as I bowed my head submitting to his authority. "Technically, no." Everyone in the school gym looked on in fear, as my head moved to the front row of the wolf side. Adrian sat, with a werewolf girl in the year below, her name was Jana, I guess he found his mate. Nick and Arya were no where to be seen though. Adrian gave me a shrug as if to say he didn't tell, before smirking at my comment. "He hasn't officially taken the alpha title yet, so he's just..." i looked at the principle and noticed his eyes black and his claws out, he was in what lycans call a half shift, triggered when the subject has become angered. He turned to two security wolves and gave them a nod, Almost immediately i was forced onto my knees, my arm was slammed on a table and held in place by one wolf, while my body was held in place by the other. "Ok, I don't think this is needed, I have alpha blood, a stvpid human girl can't hurt me." My head snapped to Adrian who had stood up in front of the school to stop what was happening. "Nevertheless, humans need to know their place." With that the pressure on my arm increased as our principals hand pulled my sleeve up before a long claw punctured my skin. The searing pain shoting from the fresh wound had my eyes scrunched and my fist clenched, I bit the inside of my cheek hard instantly tasting blood, however no sound left my mouth. He continued to write, using my skin as a canvas and his claws as a marker, it went on forever, my vision blurred slightly at one point as I turned my head away. After minutes of torture, he was done and the pressure on my arm eased, instantly I snatched my arm away, hissing through my teeth at the pain. I was about to scurry off stage, when I was roughly grabbed yet again, my arm being held in the air by the principal while my feet were inches off the floor, blood dripped from the wound and the pattern he had made was on show for everyone to see. Loads of people gasped, even the wolves looked slightly horrified at what had happened. "This is what happens when a human decides to speak out. I can promise, anyone who so much as says one word about our way of life, will have the same punishment." My arm was starting to seriously ache from being held in the air for so long, and the lack of blood flow to my suspended arm was causing me pins and needles, still I refused to make a sound. I held the tears back and I bit my cheek harder causing more blood to fill my mouth. "That's enough Bradley!" Adrian growled, he was still stood up and looking at the scene in front of him. His eyes hard as he stared at the principal a low warning growl erupted from his chest which had the head teacher gulping, he quickly let go of my arm causing me to crash to the floor. A small cry left my mouth as I hit the hard floor. Immediately I scrambled away, my foot just missed the high step leading to the stage and I fell, waiting for the impact of the ground, but it never came. Two strong arms wrapped around me catching my weak body causing me to look up, my eyes widened as I noticed Adrian had caught my falling form. "This isn't part of the human punishment program!" Adrian growled causing me to tense in his grip, I pushed him away from me before fixing my uniform top. The room was deadly silent, taking in the scene in front of them, while I stole a glance at my forearm. Carved into my skin by his devastating claws were two words, words that would most definitely scar my body for life. 'Human scum' "Lessons must be learned, she received lashing merely two days ago, and clearly it had no effect on her." Another growl left Adrian's chest as he stepped on to the stage, I wasn't bothered though, you would think I'd be ashamed but I simply smiled slightly. I fixed my sleeve a little so it wouldn't rub on the fresh wound before speaking. "It doesn't matter," the whole room looked at me shocked by my attitude. "I would rather be labeled human scum, than have any resemblance to your kind. I'm proud of what I am, how many of you can say that?" After my amazing little speech, I walked right down the middle between the humans and lycans and out the door. No more compliance, I'm going to get away with as much as I can without getting into too much bother. There will come a day when the lycans power will fizzle out. When it does I'll be ready, I'll be waiting for the day we take our world back. As for the best part about my plan...

No one can stop me.

"Ouch, not so hard." I seethed as the school nurse cleaned my new wound with antiseptic. "If you had of just kept your mouth shut, this wouldn't have happened." I turned to my right looking out the window at the few clouds that were floating in the blue sky. "Like I said, I'm proud to be human, and now everyone knows what I am." I clenched my fist together as the nurse began wrapping a bandage around my forearm. It had been a good few hours since the incident in the hall, and I had been forced to come to the nurces office after I had tried to clean my wound by splashing it with water from the tap, it also refused to stop bleeding. "You are impossible. Can you please just try and stay out of trouble? For one day, that's all I ask." Our school nurse is a wolf, she's one of them. However she hates the way they treat us mere humans, she thinks we should all just live in peace with equal rights. Like that would ever happen. "All I've done is stay out of trouble, but you are just going to humiliate me anyway, so what's the actual point?" "The pack were discussing a public execution, Dylan. You need to walk on egg shells from now on, not just for you but for your family as well." No ones been publicly executed in over 4 months, I'm flattered they're considering it. They only execute people who they believe are the biggest problems to society. "Well then... I'm flattered." I chuckled, before looking at the patch job. 'Huh, not too shabby.' I quickly stood up from the human nursing station and pulled the sleeve of my shirt down covering the evidence of ever being hurt. "This is serious!" I just gave her a blank look before leaving the room. On the way out I heard her call back to me. "Please just think about it." I gave a clipped nod as I walked away wondering how I'm going to tell my mom about this. Later in the evening... "Dilly why you say that?" Freddie looked up at me with a mouth full of bread. "Don't speak with your mouthful!" My mom scolded him as a bashful blush made its way to his cheeks. "Sowwy mommy." His reply was muffled as he swallowed the last chunk of food. "I said it Freddie, because it's the truth. The wolf race are a pathetic excuse for..." my mom cut me off with an extremely stern look. "Dylan! They have ears everywhere, one more word out of you and it's your room." I scowled, my hatred for the Lycan kind growing stronger as each day passes. "What more can they do to me, lash me? Beat me? Brand me? They've ran out of options." I stated slamming my hands down, then severely regretting it as sharp pain shot though my wound. "What was that?" My head shot to regard my mothers worried expression. Her eyebrows were raised and her eyes were dull and judging as she looked at me. "Nothing, it was nothing." I quickly took my plate in my hand and began to walk to the kitchen. "I'm not really hungry, and I have homework to do!" My mom caught hold of my forearm causing me to drop my plate suddenly, I watched it slowly fall before shattering on the floor. I retracted my arm quickly and turned to Freddie. "Stay there and don't move until it's cleaned up ok sport?" He just nodded with wide eyes, I turned back to my mom and noticed her curious stare on my arm. Her grip shifted to the other side as she turned it around before pulling my sleeve up. The bandage was showing and a bit of blood was seeping though after the wound had been disturbed. "What the hel happened?" My moms eyes widened as she began to fumble with the bandage. Before she could unravel any of it I snatched my arm away. "I had an accident at school. No big." I began to gather the large pieces of the broken plate up ready to put them in the bin. "What did you do Dylan?" She looked at me with pure worry and only then did I realize what the wound must look like to someone who didn't know. "For gods sake! I didn't do it to myself! I got publicly punished at the assembly alright? It's no big deal." Her face dropped instantly and she stepped towards me, causing me to step backwards. "Mom, I'm ok. So back off will you." "What did you do? I've never known them to cut someone's arm as a punishment." Her shock and accusation was evident in her voice and I sighed heavily. "I spoke against the alphas son." I may have hit him too, but I wasn't going to divulge that part to her. "It's not one big cut, mom, it's a brand, 'human scum' carved onto my arm." "They've branded you now too?!" My eyes rolled at her hurt tone as I went to get the dustpan and brush. "You're so much like your father." A sigh left her mouth as she spoke, running a hand through her hair, while I quickly swept up the little pieces of the broken plate. "You've had a new uniform delivered. It's laid out on your bed. Dylan, Please just try and stay respectful in the future, I don't want my daughter to be completely mutilated. Although you're not far off." "Gee, Thanks." I then walked over to my little brother Freddy before blowing a kiss into his neck and hearing him giggle. "So sport, how's school going?" "It's ok." He shrugged before going back to coloring a dinosaur picture in. "Well that's good, stay out of trouble, ok little man?" Heading upstairs and into my room, my thoughts wandered to the permanent graffiti scar very slowly healing on my arm. Disgusting beasts. Think they own the world because they're faster, stronger and can shift. Pah. If you ask me they are not all that.

The second I walked into my room my mouth dropped open. On my bed was some grey pants laid out neatly, which wasn't the surprising part, no, what shocked me was the grey high neck no sleeved button down shirt, every single set of uniform had sleeves except this one. They've done this on purpose those, mutts. They want the world to see my arm and know what a disgusting creature I am. They want the world to know that I, Dylan Riley, am nothing more than 'human scum'.

During the last week, I've been horrible, in class I've been loud in voicing my views, I've insulted at least everyone to some degree, I didn't care about the consequences, and I certainly didn't think about them. I haven't seen Nick at all since he was claimed, and to make matters worse today was the royal visit. Oh yes, werewolves and mated humans alike were spending every waking minute preparing themselves to meet his royal majesty, king of the wolves. Unclaimed Humans however would rather stick pins in their eyes. "Dylan, get down now... you're going to be late." She was right, I was dawdling this morning, I really couldn't be bothered today, I gave myself one last look in the small mirror and sighed when my eyes met my newly uncovered brand. It had bad bruising around the letters, and was still extremely tender to touch, it was definitely healing now though. I made my way down the stairs and came face to face with my mother who was seeing to Freddie, she was helping my brother get his coat on when she turned to me. "You ready sport?" Freddie nodded his little head at me and smiled while I quickly slid my shoes on. "Just Remember, the alpha is bad enough, Dylan, please, please don't do anything to anger the king." My mother stopped us from walking out the door to tell me something she had been telling me continuously for the last couple of days, it was almost as if the entire human population of our district was expecting me to do something stvpid. "Try and have a good day." I rolled my eyes but nodded, even I know not to push the king, he could kil me in the hallway like it was nothing. In fact I plan on staying out of his way for the entirety of the day. "We will see you tonight mom." I stated before me and my brother began our walk to school, his little hand clutched my own tightly as we went. Usually Nick would be with us, as he lives next door, well he used to, now he's residing in the main pack house. I quickly dropped Freddie off at his school and watched him get the wolfsbane neutralizer before walking into him building giving me a small wave before he went in. With my new scar on complete show, and my figure being complimented by the skin tight shirt I was wearing, I sauntered down the street to school, I gave my name and year in and took the wolf's bane neutralizer injection with no problems at all. It was finally getting into school that the problem occurred. Walking through the halls I was met by many looks, some of pity some of disgust. You see every single non mated human in the school was wearing a long sleeved version of the uniform I was given. All the Wolves and mated couples were scattered around in fancy floor length dresses or tailored suits. As I turned the corner I noticed a couple, now this couple happened to catch my eye the most out of all of them because it consisted of Arya and Nick, eating each other's faces off. "What the hel!" Nicks head shot to me as his eyes widened. He too was dressed in a tailored suit, a navy blue tie hung on his neck to match Aryas dress. Why was this happening all the time? It's always my friends that get completely brain washed. I shook my head in disbelief before turning my back on him. I heard his fast footsteps behind me as I rounded the corner. "Dylan?!" He ran right in front of me, stopping me in my tracks, making me drop my bag off my shoulder and almost causing me to bump into him. "Let me just explain..." "Has she marked you?" I mean you could almost see it in his eyes, she had marked him, and knowing the way life goes he's probably even mated with her. "Actually... Don't even answer that." I aggressively picked my bag up off of the floor and stormed off down the hall. "Dylan, just listen to me, Erin was right, it's so hard to resist your soulmate, and Arya is actually ok once you get to know her." I just kept walking, he caught up to me walking beside me but it didn't matter, I completely ignored everything and everyone. 'I'm so not in the mood today' getting into class was good though, I said hello to Mr Foley and took my usual seat. Nick sighed then took his bag off ready to sit next to me, but I snapped before he had the chance. "Traitors and mated idiots sit on that side of the room." I didn't look him in the eye as I pointed to a seat right at the front of the classroom on the opposite side. His eyes widened as he turned his attention back to me. "You can't be serious Dylan." I gave him a blank look before grabbing my book out of my backpack, I placed it on the desk then began to write the date on the top line. "I've sat in this seat for as long as I can remember." I ignored him, his voice sounded sad and shocked. "Dylan? Wait! What is that?!" Before I could react Nick had grabbed hold of my branded arm and turned it to see the letters. "Oh my God! What happened?" I snatched my arm away from him and shrugged as I continued to write in my book before grabbing my water bottle out of my bag. "The principal happened, it was my punishment for speaking out against Adrian and Arya. I wear it with pride." He just held a complete look of disbelief. "You spoke out against them?" I shrugged, what did he think I'd do. "It's no secret that I despise this stvpid new world and the mutts that control it. You were my friend, I wasn't going to let them just take you without saying something, although that is exactly what you seem to have done. Enjoy the view from your new seat!" "Don't be like that, Dylan, I'm your best friend, I'm sorry about your arm, but..." my eyes rolled inside my head at my friends words. "Anything with the word 'but' in, isn't an apology, it's a rationalization." I took a drink of water from my bottle and kept my eyes facing forward, ignoring his every attempt to try and talk to me. "Dylan?.. Dylan?... Do you know what? Erin is right, if you push us all away you won't have any friends left." He huffed before walking over to the empty seat and sitting down, I could feel him glancing up at me every now and again but I didn't respond. "Good morning class, please settle down." He looked at me then at Nick and frowned, we've never sat apart, we were friends before the new world even began. I just shook my head telling him to forget it. "So... as you know the king will be arriving in a short while, but until then lessons will go on as normal." Its funny seeing teachers in the same uniform your wearing, mr Foley and his wife are the coolest. Human teachers and doctors only have slightly more respect than we do. Because of Mr Foley's status him and his wife have better access to food and drink, Mrs Foley is cool, sometimes she even makes sure mr Foley brings some in for me. Ya know, coz I'm their favorite student. It's not in a weird way, it's just they were friends of the family before the new wold took effect. Mr Foley and my dad were buddies from high school, so it goes without sayin really. "All the mated humans will be at the front of each years line again, after that you will all be placed in status, Nick, as your mated to Alpha Arya, you'll be at the front of your line. Dylan as you have been branded..." his voice trailed off as he looked at me. "Yeah yeah, I'll be at the back of the line behind everyone. I get it." I huffed, moving my sight towards the window once more. "I am sorry." I turned to face Mr Foley again, he looked genuinely upset and that look of pity wasn't something I wanted to see. I gave him a clipped nod then turned away again. "Anyway, on to the subject matter, 'Of Mice and Men, page 64, Nick why don't you start us off with the reading."

"Of course sir." Nick began reading the book but I switched off, today is going to be a long day. After almost an hour and a half of reading comprehension, the bell chimed signaling lunch. I shot up and out of the classroom before anyone could say anything. Today, I was avoiding drama like the plague.

I wandered the corridors straight to the lunch hall. All the people I would normally hang out with we're all mated so I grabbed my lunch quickly, and sat down at the end of the human table. Let me lay the lunch hall out for you. On one side of the room you have two long rows of tables, with simple benches that make it look like prison, on the other side of the room you have multiple round tables with fancy chairs. Yup you get it. The humans sit at the prison tables and the wolves and traitors sit on the fancy tables, they get fancy food, fancy drink and most importantly they get pudding. what I would give to have some pudding. "Dylan can we just talk?" Nick quickly took the spot next to me as he set his lunch tray down. I looked at his food which had been placed on a ceramic, circular white plate. God that looked good. I sighed knowing he was going to talk anyway. "Fine, you have two minutes." I used my fork to take a bit of pasta off his plate and shoved it into my mouth. God that was good. "After I left school, I was taken to the pack house with Arya, and I really got to know her. It took a few days for me to finally accept being with her, but ever since life has been ok, and the sax... well that's a whole other story." Eww, I didn't need that mental image in my head. "I'm glad your happy." I stated before deciding I had no appetite. His face held shock before he sighed in relief. "That means a lot Dylan, I mean you know that your opinion matters to me." I cut him off before he could say anything else. "I said I was glad your happy. I didn't say I approved of what you've done. You've basically turned into one of THEM, I can't ever forgive you for that." He looked hurt, but I couldn't care less about his feelings. He placed his hand gently on my arm and went to open his mouth when a growl sounded out. All heads whipped to where it came from, Arya was stood holding a glass of soda and a plate, she was looking right at me and Nick and I would totally be dead if looks could kil. Nick quickly retracted his hand, his whole face fell and you could see sorrow flood his irises. "You sit with me now, get away from that, that... scum!" Wow, Nick was such a lucky guy. NOT. "You heard her. Get away from me, go sit with your new friends. I'm happy for you, and I understand where your coming from, but don't come up to me again and pretend you didn't betray your own kind. Don't pretend you didn't betray me." I shoved a little bit of food into my mouth before standing up and walking out of the cafeteria, leaving my tray on the table. I was walking through the hallway to the classroom, you see I decided to spend lunch with Mr Foley in his room, when I happened to hear voices in the corridor. "Is it wise for her to actually be present when the king arrives? Surely she could be placed in the dungeons, it might actually teach her some respect?" My principal was speaking to the alpha of our district, huh, if I stayed and listened do you think they'd notice, maybe they could smell me?! "Everyone is to be present, if the Riley girl does one thing out of line she will be dealt with severely, child or not. That girl has been a blight to the district since day one, she's dangerous, if she puts one hair out of place I will personally break her into submission." Oh shet, they were talking about me specifically, and they mentioned the dungeon, that's not been used in months. Normally I would have listened in more but something about the entire situation didn't sit right with me, all of a sudden, I was on edge, and simply wasn't interested in the slightest in hearing how my misery was to be enhanced. I backed up slightly before turning around and bumping head first into one of the hottest man I had ever seen. I lost my balance immediately and fell straight on to the floor letting out a small grumble in the process. His eyebrows knitted together quickly and his breath hitched in his throat as he looked upon my fallen state and gasped. "Mate!" He whispered, his eyes fixated on mine. Now, I had seen and heard that many times to know what that means, I gasped before taking a step back. 'No, no, no, no, no. This can not be happening.' He growled slightly before stepping towards me. Oh Shet!

LESSON 153. In my defenselessness my safety lies.
You who feel threatened by this changing world, its twists of fortune and its bitter jests, its brief relationships and all the “gifts” it merely lends to take away again; attend this lesson well. The world provides no safety. It is rooted in attack, and all its “gifts” of seeming safety are illusory deceptions. It attacks, and then attacks again. No peace of mind is possible where danger threatens thus. The world gives rise but to defensiveness. For threat brings anger, anger makes attack seem reasonable, honestly provoked, and righteous in the name of self-defense. Yet is defensiveness a double threat. For it attests to weakness, and sets up a system of defense that cannot work. Now are the weak still further undermined, for there is treachery without and still a greater treachery within. The mind is now confused, and knows not where to turn to find escape from its imaginings.
It is as if a circle held it fast, wherein another circle bound it and another one in that, until escape no longer can be hoped for nor obtained. Attack, defense; defense, attack, become the circles of the hours and the days that bind the mind in heavy bands of steel with iron overlaid, returning but to start again. There seems to be no break nor ending in the ever-tightening grip of the imprisonment upon the mind.
Defenses are the costliest of all the prices which the ego would exact. In them lies madness in a form so grim that hope of sanity seems but to be an idle dream, beyond the possible. The sense of threat the world encourages is so much deeper, and so far beyond the frenzy and intensity of which you can conceive, that you have no idea of all the devastation it has wrought.
You are its slave. You know not what you do, in fear of it. You do not understand how much you have been made to sacrifice, who feel its iron grip upon your heart. You do not realize what you have done to sabotage the holy peace of God by your defensiveness. For you behold the Son of God as but a victim to attack by fantasies, by dreams, and by illusions he has made; yet helpless in their presence, needful only of defense by still more fantasies, and dreams by which illusions of his safety comfort him.
Defenselessness is strength. It testifies to recognition of the Christ in you. Perhaps you will recall the text maintains that choice is always made between Christ’s strength and your own weakness, seen apart from Him. Defenselessness can never be attacked, because it recognizes strength so great attack is folly, or a silly game a tired child might play, when he becomes too sleepy to remember what he wants.
Defensiveness is weakness. It proclaims you have denied the Christ and come to fear His Father’s anger. What can save you now from your delusion of an angry god, whose fearful image you believe you see at work in all the evils of the world? What but illusions could defend you now, when it is but illusions that you fight?
We will not play such childish games today. For our true purpose is to save the world, and we would not exchange for foolishness the endless joy our function offers us. We would not let our happiness slip by because a fragment of a senseless dream happened to cross our minds, and we mistook the figures in it for the Son of God; its tiny instant for eternity.
We look past dreams today, and recognize that we need no defense because we are created unassailable, without all thought or wish or dream in which attack has any meaning. Now we cannot fear, for we have left all fearful thoughts behind. And in defenselessness we stand secure, serenely certain of our safety now, sure of salvation; sure we will fulfill our chosen purpose, as our ministry extends its holy blessing through the world.
Be still a moment, and in silence think how holy is your purpose, how secure you rest, untouchable within its light. God’s ministers have chosen that the truth be with them. Who is holier than they? Who could be surer that his happiness is fully guaranteed? And who could be more mightily protected? What defense could possibly be needed by the ones who are among the chosen ones of God, by His election and their own as well?
It is the function of God’s ministers to help their brothers choose as they have done. God has elected all, but few have come to realize His Will is but their own. And while you fail to teach what you have learned, salvation waits and darkness holds the world in grim imprisonment. Nor will you learn that light has come to you, and your escape has been accomplished. For you will not see the light, until you offer it to all your brothers. As they take it from your hands, so will you recognize it as your own.
Salvation can be thought of as a game that happy children play. It was designed by One Who loves His children, and Who would replace their fearful toys with joyous games, which teach them that the game of fear is gone. His game instructs in happiness because there is no loser. Everyone who plays must win, and in his winning is the gain to everyone ensured. The game of fear is gladly laid aside, when children come to see the benefits salvation brings.
You who have played that you are lost to hope, abandoned by your Father, left alone in terror in a fearful world made mad by sin and guilt; be happy now. That game is over. Now a quiet time has come, in which we put away the toys of guilt, and lock our quaint and childish thoughts of sin forever from the pure and holy minds of Heaven’s children and the Son of God.
We pause but for a moment more, to play our final, happy game upon this earth. And then we go to take our rightful place where truth abides and games are meaningless. So is the story ended. Let this day bring the last chapter closer to the world, that everyone may learn the tale he reads of terrifying destiny, defeat of all his hopes, his pitiful defense against a vengeance he can not escape, is but his own deluded fantasy. God’s ministers have come to waken him from the dark dreams this story has evoked in his confused, bewildered memory of this distorted tale. God’s Son can smile at last, on learning that it is not true.
Today we practice in a form we will maintain for quite a while. We will begin each day by giving our attention to the daily thought as long as possible. Five minutes now becomes the least we give to preparation for a day in which salvation is the only goal we have. Ten would be better; fifteen better still. And as distraction ceases to arise to turn us from our purpose, we will find that half an hour is too short a time to spend with God. Nor will we willingly give less at night, in gratitude and joy.
Each hour adds to our increasing peace, as we remember to be faithful to the Will we share with God. At times, perhaps, a minute, even less, will be the most that we can offer as the hour strikes. Sometimes we will forget. At other times the business of the world will close on us, and we will be unable to withdraw a little while, and turn our thoughts to God.
Yet when we can, we will observe our trust as ministers of God, in hourly remembrance of our mission and His Love. And we will quietly sit by and wait on Him and listen to His Voice, and learn what He would have us do the hour that is yet to come; while thanking Him for all the gifts He gave us in the one gone by.
In time, with practice, you will never cease to think of Him, and hear His loving Voice guiding your footsteps into quiet ways, where you will walk in true defenselessness. For you will know that Heaven goes with you. Nor would you keep your mind away from Him a moment, even though your time is spent in offering salvation to the world. Think you He will not make this possible, for you who chose to carry out His plan for the salvation of the world and yours?
Today our theme is our defenselessness. We clothe ourselves in it, as we prepare to meet the day. We rise up strong in Christ, and let our weakness disappear, as we remember that His strength abides in us. We will remind ourselves that He remains beside us through the day, and never leaves our weakness unsupported by His strength. We call upon His strength each time we feel the threat of our defenses undermine our certainty of purpose. We will pause a moment, as He tells us, “I am here.”
Your practicing will now begin to take the earnestness of love, to help you keep your mind from wandering from its intent. Be not afraid nor timid. There can be no doubt that you will reach your final goal. The ministers of God can never fail, because the love and strength and peace that shine from them to all their brothers come from Him. These are His gifts to you. Defenselessness is all you need to give Him in return. You lay aside but what was never real, to look on Christ and see His sinlessness.

Hello everyone
I have been learning Arabic seriously with online courses for 6 months (I already knew how to read fluently + good pronunciation because I am North African)
I participate in an online "merkez" on 12 levels, the 12 levels last approximately 2 years (3h20 of lessons per week) which apparently at the end gives you a level of grammar equivalent to someone who has done الفئة ابن مالك, a good level in sarf
and listening the problem is that in class I don't speak much when I end up answering the exercises with the teacher suddenly I thought of doing another program on the side which studies the book al furqan from Egypt which has more oral and expression actually (I plan to do 4 hours/week there)
I don't have the possibility to study in Egypt but I would like to have a high level of Arabic, like someone who studies in an Egyptian merkez for example Al IbaanAh, who worked 15 hours a week for 1-2 years
but where I live it doesn't exist (Belgium) Do you think that with my 2 programs and obviously by working on my side, like speaking orally on hello talk, reading children's books little by little increasing the level, watching cartoons,...
I will be able to compensate and reach their level? please i really need help I am so in love with this language
and if you can say what you think about my planned curriculum ? I am French, I speak to you via Google translate

Age: 17
Demographics: female, (south) asian, public high, sweden
Hooks: none..
Intended Major: physics, mathematics but if it doesn't work out then classics
UW/W GPA and Rank: school doesn't do gpa's or ranks, but i recieved highest grade qualification for senior years (we have 2 senior years)
Coursework: we don't do aps/honours/ibs or anything of the like, but i take 5 subjects, 2 scholarship subjects, + received online certificates in various physics and maths courses (not sure if this counts??)

• maths, statistics, english (advanced), geography, biology, chemistry, physics, history
• highest grade (basically a+) on all assignments for my all subjects including certificates received

Awards: none..
Extracurriculars:

1. co-created, and leader of project at school that works to create conversational/informal english learning plans for ESL/migrant students, reached about 80 migrant students in school within a month
2. member of student leadership council, developing and overseeing all programs in school such as cultural share days, fundraisers, ramadan nights and a lot more. also worked to develop school spirit week, implementing various fun activities for students
3. volunteer tutomentor for junior students in maths, english and science, helping 20 or more students weekly
4. co-president of the literature society, creating first school magazine, hosting writing competitions, holding open mics and organising trips to literature festivals
5. received bronze medal for volunteering for various things (making food for the homeless, pest control, tree planting etc.)
6. volunteer at charity store that raises money for animal welfare, volunteering 11 hours weekly, serving up to 100 customers per day
7. member of volunteering club at school, hosting and aiding the development of activities for children at local library (weekly), and implementing english language activities and lessons for migrant students at local elementary
8. published blog, i write my own blog on physics (astronomy) and literature
9. gymnastics for 4 years, performed at some small competitions
10. piano for 4 years, nothing major but performed at family events like birthdays, anniversaries etc.

Essays/LORs/Other: i've got good essays, standing at 8-9/10 currently, i'm getting feedback from teacher at school who graduated columbia

• form teacher: 7/10, my physics teacher and we had good convos about this
• english (columbia) teacher: 9/10, i help her out a lot with activities
• charity shop manager: 9/10, i'm her first student volunteer and we regularly converse

Schools (in no specific order):

1. vassar
2. bowdoin
3. bates
4. williams
5. bard
6. middlebury
7. boston college
8. wesleyan
9. (not liberal arts) university of vermont

thank you, sorry for the messiness

The profusion of identical green tents at this spring’s anti-Israel protests struck many as odd. “Why is everybody’s tent the same?,” asked New York mayor Eric Adams. Like others, the mayor suspected “a well-concerted organizing effort” driving the protests. More recent reporting shows a concerted push behind the Gaza protest movement. But it is not as simple as a single organization secretly rallying protesters or buying tents. Instead, the movement’s most determined activists represent a network of loosely linked far-left groups. Some are openly affiliated with well-known progressive nonprofits; others work in the shadows.
The movement also draws on diverse but generous sources of financial backing. Those funding streams may soon be augmented by the federal government. As I chronicled last year in a Manhattan Institute report, “The Big Squeeze: How Biden’s Environmental Justice Agenda Hurts the Economy and the Environment,” the administration’s massive program of environmental justice grants seems designed to prioritize the funding of highly ideological local groups. The Inflation Reduction Act, for example, earmarks $3 billion for “environmental and climate justice block grants” intended for local nonprofits. Today, hundreds of far-left political groups include language about environmental issues and “climate justice” in their mission statements. If just a fraction of planned grants flows to such groups, the effect will be a gusher of new funding for radical causes.
As the Gaza protests spread across U.S. college campuses, many observers noted an eerie uniformity among them. From one campus to the next, protesters operated in disciplined cadres, keeping their faces covered and using identical rote phrases as they refused to talk with reporters. The Atlantic noted the strangeness of seeing elite college students “chanting like automatons.” Students held up keffiyeh scarves or umbrellas to block the view of prying cameras and linked arms to halt the movements of outsiders. At Columbia University and elsewhere, protesters formed “liberated zones,” from which “Zionists” were excluded. Around the edges of the encampments, the more militaristic activists donned helmets and goggles and carried crude weapons, apparently eager to mix it up with police or counter-protesters. We’ve seen these tactics before—notably during the “mostly peaceful” Black Lives Matter protests of 2020, when full-time agitators helped ignite riots, set up a police-free (and violence-plagued) zone in Seattle, and laid nightly siege to Portland, Oregon’s federal courthouse.
In a remarkable work of reporting, Park MacDougald recently traced the tangled roots of organizations backing pro-jihad protests, both on and off campuses. These include Antifa and other networks of anonymous anarchists, along with “various communist and Marxist-Leninist groups, including the Maoist Revolutionary Communist Party, the Party for Socialism and Liberation (PSL), and the International ANSWER coalition,” MacDougald writes. Higher up the food chain, we find groups openly supported by America’s growing class of super-rich tech execs or the anti-capitalist heirs of great fortunes. For example, retired tech mogul Neville Roy Singham, who is married to Code Pink founder Jodie Evans, funds The People’s Forum, a lavish Manhattan resource center for far-left groups. As the Columbia protests intensified, the center urged members to head uptown to “support our students.” Following the money trail of other protest groups, MacDougald finds connections to the Rockefeller Brothers Fund, the Ford Foundation, and—surprising no one—the George Soros-backed Tides Foundation.
Of course, the current wave of anti-Israel protests also involves alliances with pro-Hamas organizations such as Students for Justice in Palestine. Last November, Jonathan Schanzer of the Foundation for Defense of Democracies testified to the House Ways and Means Committee that SJP and similar groups have deep ties to global terrorist organizations, including Hamas.
For many keffiyeh-wearing protestors, however, a recently professed concern for Palestinians is just the latest in a long list of causes they believe justify taking over streets and college quads. In Unherd, Mary Harrington dubs this medley of political beliefs the “omnicause,” writing that “all contemporary radical causes seem somehow to have been absorbed into one.” Today’s leftist activists share an interlocking worldview that sees racism, income inequality, trans intolerance, climate change, alleged police violence, and Israeli-Palestinian conflicts all as products of capitalism and “colonialism.” Therefore, the stated rationale for any individual protest is a stand-in for the real battle: attacking Western society and its institutions.
In the U.S., this type of general-purpose uprising goes back at least to the riots at the 1999 meeting of the World Trade Organization in Seattle. In those protests, mainstream liberal factions—including labor unions and environmentalists—were joined by “black bloc” anarchists and other radicals eager to engage in “direct action” against police. That pattern—relatively moderate demonstrators providing a friendly envelope for hard-core disruptors—formed the template for many later protests: the Occupy Wall Street encampments in 2011, demonstrations following the police shooting of Michael Brown in 2014, 2016’s Standing Rock anti-pipeline movement, and of course, the calamitous summer of 2020.
These uprisings were not entirely spontaneous. In some cases, activists spend months planning mass actions—for example, against economic summits or political conventions—and can recruit street fighters from across the country. In others, an event, such as George Floyd’s death, sparks popular protests involving neophyte demonstrators. Those attract far-left activists, who swoop in to organize and expand the struggle, often tilting it toward more radical action.
That has certainly been the case at the college Gaza-paloozas. At Columbia, the New York Times spotted a woman old enough to be a student’s grandmother in the thick of the action as protesters barricaded that school’s Hamilton Hall. The woman was 63-year-old Lisa Fithian, a lifetime activist, who Portland’s alternative weekly Street Roots approvingly calls “a trainer of mass rebellion.” A counter-protester trying to block the pro-Hamas demonstrators told NBC News, “She was right in the middle of it, instructing them how to better set up the barriers.” Fithian told the Times she’d been invited to train students in protest safety and “general logistics.” She claims to have taken part in almost every major U.S. protest movement going back to the 1999 “Battle in Seattle.”
America’s radical network has plenty of Lisa Fithians, with the time and resources to travel the country educating newcomers about the “logistics” of disruptive protests. And these activists appear to have played key roles in the college occupations. The New York City Police Department says nearly half the demonstrators arrested on the Columbia and City University of New York (CUNY) campuses on April 30 were not affiliated with the schools. One hooded Hamilton Hall occupier—photographed scuffling with a Columbia custodian before getting arrested—turned out to be 40-year-old James Carlson, heir to a large advertising fortune. According to the New York Post, Carlson lives in a $2.3 million Park Slope townhouse and has a long rap sheet. For example, in 2005, he was arrested in San Francisco during the violent “West Coast Anti-Capitalist Mobilization and March Against the G8.” (Those charges were dropped.)
For a quarter-century now, Antifa and other anarchist networks have worked to refine tactics and share lessons following each major action. At Columbia, UCLA, and other schools, authorities found printouts of a “Do-It Yourself Occupation Guide” and similar documents. The young campus radicals are eager to learn from their more experienced elders. And, like the high-achieving students they are, they follow directions carefully. MacDougald asked Kyle Shideler, the director for homeland security and counterterrorism at the Center for Security Policy, about the mystery of the identical tents. There was no need for a central group to distribute hundreds of tents, Shideler said. Instead, “the organizers told [students] to buy a tent, and sent around a Google Doc with a link to that specific tent on Amazon. So they all went out and bought the same tent.”
In other words, America’s radical class has gotten very skilled at recruiting and instructing new activists—even from among the ranks of elite college students with a good deal to lose. How much more could this movement accomplish with hundreds of millions in federal dollars flooding activist groups around the country?
From its first week in office, the Biden administration has trumpeted its goal to funnel more environmental spending toward “disadvantaged communities that have been historically marginalized,” partly by issuing grants to grassroots organizations. Previous environmental justice (EJ) grant programs were small in scope. But, with the passage of the Inflation Reduction Act (IRA) in August 2022, a huge pool of grant money became available. EPA administrator Michael Regan told reporters, “We’re going from tens of thousands of dollars to developing and designing a program that will distribute billions.”
More than a year and a half later, it remains hard to nail down just where the Biden administration’s billions in EJ grants will wind up. Money is being distributed through a confusing variety of programs, and the process of identifying recipients is ongoing. To help outsource the job of sifting through proposals, the EPA last year designated 11 institutions as “Environmental Justice Thriving Communities Grantmakers.” These groups are empowered to make subgrants directly to community organizations, under streamlined EPA oversight. In all, the Biden administration has entrusted these outfits with distributing a staggering $600 million in funding. The money is expected to start flowing this summer.
The EPA’s grantmakers include a number of educational institutions and left-leaning nonprofits. For example, the EPA chose Fordham University as its lead grantmaker in the New York region. Fordham, in turn, lists as partners two nonprofits that oppose immigration enforcement. (One, the New Jersey Alliance for Immigrant Justice, states on its website: “NJAIJ believes in the human right to migrate, regardless of citizenship or political status.”) Neither group claims expertise in environmental issues. Given that the IRA’s eligibility requirements for EJ grants are extremely vague, however, perhaps that’s not a problem. Almost any activity that could help “spur economic opportunity for disadvantaged communities” (in the words of Biden’s EJ executive order) might qualify.
Perhaps the most prominent—and problematic—EPA grantmaker is the Berkeley, California-based Climate Justice Alliance. The CJA is a consortium of mostly far-left activist groups. It describes its mission as working for “regenerative economic solutions and ecological justice—under a framework that challenges capitalism and both white supremacy and hetero-patriarchy.” The group is a vigorous proponent of the omnicause, embracing almost every left-wing concern as a manifestation of climate change. For example, the CJA website proclaims: “The path to climate justice travels through a free Palestine.” MacDougald notes that the Grassroots Global Justice Alliance, one of CJA’s affiliated groups, “organized an illegal anti-Israel protest in the Capitol Rotunda in December at which more than 50 activists were arrested.”
The CJA website also includes a section dedicated to the cause known as Stop Cop City. It refers to an effort to halt the construction of an 85-acre police and firefighter training center outside Atlanta. Rag-tag activists from around the country have gathered around the facility since 2021. They have repeatedly battled with police—sometimes with fireworks and Molotov cocktails—and used bolt cutters to enter the site and torch construction equipment. (CJA’s Stop Cop City page features a cartoon illustration of three childlike activists; one brandishes bolt cutters.) The group also backs a legal defense fund for activists arrested in attacks on the training center or in other protests. For those looking for more inspiration, CJA links to an interview with former Black Panther and self-described revolutionary Angela Davis.
The Alliance is not an ideological outlier in Biden’s EJ coalition. On the contrary, when the White House assembled its White House Environmental Justice Advisory Council (WHEJAC), a panel of outside experts meant to provide “horizon-expanding EJ advice and recommendations,” it chose CJA co-chair Elizabeth Yeampierre to help lead the committee. Like other members of the panel, she sees environmental issues through an ideological, not a scientific, lens. “Climate change is the result of a legacy of extraction, of colonialism, of slavery,” Yeampierre told Yale Environment 360. As a group, radical EJ activists tend not to focus on pragmatic ways to reduce pollution and carbon emissions; for them, the real goal is overturning what they see as an exploitative economic and political system. Since these are the voices the White House chose to help shape its EJ policies, we can assume this worldview will dominate grantmaking decisions.
In February 2023, House Oversight Committee chairman James Comer, along with fellow committee member Pat Fallon, wrote to EPA administrator Regan asking for more information on the EPA’s grant programs. They noted that the EPA’s own studies of EJ grants issued in previous years showed sloppy supervision. According to an EPA report, an earlier version of the program funded projects that did “not logically lead to the desired environmental and/or public health [result].” Without better oversight and more clearly defined goals, the congressmen wrote, the EPA’s EJ grant machine risks becoming simply a “slush fund for far-left organizations.”
Since then, the administration has done little to reassure skeptics. To the contrary, the EPA has put at least one far-left organization—CJA—in charge of distributing $50 million in grant money. No doubt, many of the EPA grants will go to worthwhile projects. But money is fungible. A group that gets a large grant to, say, clean up dirty parks or teach children about recycling will also be able to hire more staff and divert more resources to political action.
With graduation behind them, most of the anti-Israel college protesters have stowed away their keffiyehs and moved on to summer vacations or internships. But the peripatetic activists who helped guide and intensify those uprisings are doubtless already planning their next actions. After all, two political conventions are looming. This fall, the college protests will likely flare up again, though by then perhaps focused on a different facet of the omnicause. And, with hundreds of millions in fresh funding flowing through the activist ecosystem, the groups that quietly nurture extremists—like those who firebombed “Cop City,” or who chant “Intifada Revolution!,” or who block bridges in the name of “climate”—will be more emboldened than ever.
A Slush Fund for Radical Protesters? City Journal (city-journal.org)
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Am I the asshole for leaving the family group chat? My (33) younger sister (J 24) recently eloped. J and her now husband have been together close to three years, and have been engaged since shortly after finding out she was pregnant (my nephew is now 2) When the two first got engaged, J asked me to be her MOH. I was extremely happy and excited for her and looking forward to helping her plan the wedding and other events associated with a wedding (bridal shower, ect). A few weeks ago I woke up to several notifications on my phone from the family group chat. Opening the chat up and scrolling up, I get to a group of photos. One snapchat photo above the group photos of J and her new husband standing in front of the preacher in the church that said “SURPRISE” was all the information I needed. J had eloped. And our mother was present. My initial reaction was a tornado of emotions; on the one hand I was happy for my sister and new brother in law! Glad they were finally able to accomplish a goal of theirs. On the other hand, I was sad and hurt. I was hurt for a couple reason; 1) as mentioned, J had asked me to be her MOH when they first got engaged and I was very much looking forward to helping her with all of that. Thinking that process would be a great bonding experience for us and bring us closer together. Second (the big reason) I was left out. This brought up issues from my childhood. For some context, my mother, sister and I are not exactly close. My mother got pregnant at 13, had me via cesarean at 14, and by the time she was in a stable situation of her own, I had been raised by my grandparents and considered them to be my parents. I would always go and stay the weekends with my mother, when I was younger I stayed most of the summer with her. She had my sister J when I was nine. Growing up I always held a bit of animosity towards J because of the fact that she got to be raised by both her biological parents while I was raised by my grandparents (who are amazing parents! Don’t get me wrong, it’s just that teenage minds don’t take things like that into consideration whenever their so focused on the negative). But the big thing that impacted me as a kid regarding my mother and sister was what happened whenever my mom and stepdad took in my stepdad’s nephew for several years (I believe they had him as an infant until he was about three or five). During the time that they were raising this little boy, my mother had arranged for ‘family’ photos to be taken. Now, I talked to my grandparents about this after the fact and TO THIS DAY they say that my mother never mentioned this to them. I didn’t find out about the photos until we got to the department store where they were being taken. I said something to my mother along the lines of ‘mom, why didn’t you tell me we were taking pictures today? I would have brought nice clothes and done something with my hair.’ To which my mother responded something along the lines of ‘I told your grandparents what I was planning today.’ Me: ‘well, why didn’t you say something last night? I would have worn something different and looked nice’ mom: ‘it’s no big deal, I had planned on the pictures just being the three of us today anyway (mom, J, and the little boy), we’ll have pictures taken another time’ (we never did). So I proceeded to stand off to the side while my mother, sister and this little boy took ‘family’ photos. I tell you this to help you understand the ‘childhood issues’ I mentioned. So, I was trying to sort through a LOT of emotions at the time. My main thing was (and still is) the fact that my mother and sister had no consideration for me at all. They didn’t think to try to tell me. It’s things like this, and the ‘family photo’ from when I was a child that make me feel like they don’t see me as family, and that’s what hurts the most. I don’t mean to sound selfish, that’s not my intention, I just want to be given the basic common courtesy I’ve always thought was basically given between family members, especially mothers and sisters. At this time, one of my uncles (R) was in the group chat stirring the pot. R was insinuating that he and his fiancé had been in attendance during the ceremony. My other uncle (T) was going along with this as a joke. (T recently lost his wife). While I understood that R and T were joking, not being serious (R trying to lighten the mood due to T’s recent loss) I simply was not in the right head space to sit there and listen (or rather ‘read’ I suppose) their little back and forth banter. I didn’t want to accidently say something in my emotional state that would make things worse. So I made the decision to leave the group chat. I had every intention of having someone add me back a day or so later once the hurt wasn’t as raw and I had a better handle on my emotions. The next day, my mother called to inform me that I didn’t need to be upset over what had happened as I was not the only person that hadn’t been told of the ceremony. She informed me that the only reason she had been there was because it was on a Saturday, and she babysits for them on Saturdays.

I just finished my first (and only) Aux year at IES Abastos in Ciudad Valencia and am headed back to the US in a week and at that time I plan on disconnecting from all the Aux groups and moving on with my life, but before I go I wanted to leave a message here for any future Aux who may search for this school name when they get their placement...you are so damn lucky! Congratulations! (and if you want any additional information please respond to this post and I'll try to keep an eye out for notifications this summer).
It's an amazingly beautiful building right in the heart (!!!) of Valencia city, staffed with friendly and talented teachers and staff. It is an IES (high school) and an FP (vocational school--Computer (IT, web design, AI) and Business tracks. The teachers I worked with (in all of the above programs) all spoke excellent English. The administration is easy going but often super busy so if they forget to give you a printing card or computer login or bathroom key, just remind them ;-)and generous re scheduling, etc. They asked my preferred hours and I only worked 3 days (16 hours) a week, Tuesday-Thursday! 4 day weekends! Not promising they can do the same for you, but if they can they will. But the compromise for my compact schedule was that every class was a different group and/or subject, which was a lot to keep track of initially, prep-wise, but I learned you can often reuse/adapt the same lesson across different groups. I came to know the faces but alas not the names of the approx 200 students I saw each week.
The students were never disrespectful (not intentionally anyway--they ARE mostly adolescents though, so not paying attention or acting like, well, hormonal teens, is par for the course). There's a lot of projector use in the classrooms versus board work. Often the teachers will want you to come up with your own lesson plans (based on what they are covering or simply whatever you want) and yes, it can eat up several hours of your off time if you want to have fun with it (but it makes your work week so much more rewarding) but if occasionally you can't, they understand. You can always play pictionary or hangman or 20 questions or some other easily adapted game at a moments notice--I highly recommend building that skill. For example: oh, we are doing past tense vocabulary today and you want me to do something for 15 minutes at the end? I draw a tic tac toe grid on the board, quickly divide the class into teams (competition is popular!) and have one rep from each team come to the board and who ever can write the past tense of a particular word first gets to put their X or 0 in first, before the other team. Repeat until one team wins 3 in a row. Easy peasey.
FYI, I have posted some of the most rewarding lessons I did with my classes on the FB Auxiliary Secondary lesson planning (Madrid) group and I used several that others had posted there too. Check it out. No reason to reinvent the wheel.
This year the Valencia payments were consistently on time (around the 10th of the month, give or take a day, starting in November if you got your bank info submitted asap--I recommend N26 online bank). Housing can be competitive and spendy, expect to spend at LEAST 400 euros for a room (not an entire apartment) if you want to live relatively close to the school and it may take you awhile to find one (I have no personal advice to offer re: that as I used my savings to rent an adorable but expensive apartment to live on my own and host guests from home, I just know what other Auxes told me). Getting your TIE/toma de huellas appt will be a nightmare but just grin and bear it. The metro and bus system in the city is wonderful and I got a valenbici subscription vs purchasing a bike and made ample use of it and the protected bike lanes (there's a protected lane that goes directly to a valenbici bike station in front of the school!). There are several local Valencia Aux Whatsapp groups you should join (for info, Auxiliaries VLC 2022; for fun/meet ups, Valencian Kids) as well as local Whatsapp hiking groups (if you are so inclined to join amazing local hikes on the weekend).
Not gonna give a travel review of Valencia itself but suffice to say it is AMAZING! And Fallas! Oh.My.God. The first two weeks of March are INSANE! Enjoy!

This isn’t the way I planned for things to go. I thought I’d get better and we’d go back to normal. If I knew this is where things would have ended I would have never did what I did. There’s too many things unsaid. I’ll move on, I’ll try. This is the last time i interact with you, as you wish. I hope you know I’ll eternally love you. You’ll always be able to come back to me. We’re just trying our best to navigate everything, I’m sorry that I hurt you. I did things with the intention to not hurt you. I’m sorry I made the choice for you, I only see how selfish that is now. This is my biggest regret, as I’m sure things would be different. Im sure in parallel universe I made a different choice and you did end up the loml. I hope one day you can understand things from my perspective:) and not hate me so much. I know you don’t like who I am now, but in all honestly I haven’t changed who I am at my core. Please don’t dislike me, please remember me as someone who loved you. I understand why you no longer want to speak to me, and i really wish you nothing but the best. I was so scared of losing you, I only ended up pushing you away more. To this point…. I wanted things to go how I planned. I wanted things to go back to how they were. I didn’t take into consideration your boundaries . I thought I could change your mind again. I was upset when you said I didn’t give you enough consideration. I have been reflecting since and agree. I’m sorry, I’ve been selfish. This is a lesson at ur expense I will learn. My friends sent this, they’ve blocked you. Don’t worry:) I thought I had more time to fix things… Although the chance is slim, if you do ever want to be in contact with me. I’ll be here. At some point I’ll send the gift heads up and anything else that belongs to you. I hoped you still hold some warmth and care for me. Until today I never realised how cold you’ve become to me. That was such a cold goodbye. I feel silly now
Take care Jack, you were the love of my life:)

I've currently stumbled upon online lesson plans that are great for teaching Adults A2-C2 levels. I thought I would share it with you folks. They have free lesson plans and paid ones too.
Here is the link: https://eslbrains.com?partner=pjrMePrtsxSe
So if anyone is interested, comment below and I will share the promo code for the discounts.

Today I blocked you, after one year still contacting on each other sometimes. No, it's not because I hate you, but because you found someone new. So, I'm going to respect myself and both of you.
The way our relationship did not work is not because of us. It's just that we are not fitted to each other, at least in this universe. No matter how many iterations we came back and do things differently, believe me, it will still end up the same. We might held onto longer, but at the end, we still go different ways.
You said, if someone loves you enough, they will accept you as you are. But no, for me, if someone loves you enough, they will always try to change themselves and grow to be with that person. And that's where you and I are different. At our core, we have different beliefs and values.
We are also on different stage of life. You, have settled a job in the city, have all your assets there, and planning to build a life there. Me? I don't like the city you want to settle into. I have nothing to lose, I'm still starting out my career after all. And you have everything to lose. 10 years of building up a life is not short at all.
I know, it's sucks that I am not your everything. But, it's okay. I'm just not that one person you will be fighting for. No, but that does not mean I don't deserve to be fighted for. It's just that, you are sent not to fight for me. You are sent to be my lesson of life.
Thanks to you, I am able to understand what it is like to be in a relationship. At least, I am figuring out a little on what kind of person I want or not want to be with. Thanks for once being a learning partner for me.
This morning I read, "If you were that happy with a wrong person, imagine how happy you will be with a right person." And today, I am going to believe that you are the wrong person for me.
So, I'm going to let you go, not because I don't love you, but because I do.
I love you enough, that I let you go, so you don't have to change, and find someone who can accept you as you are.
Today, I let you go, and let my hope go that you will ever come back. I love you and wish for your happiness. X

I'm just a newbie. I accidentally over bought 30 of Crown Speed Lessons because I don't know it's capped at 60. then I ask support to refund those 30 of them back into 3000 crown. it took 1 week to cooperate with support they always come back and ask me 1 more question. and it turns out they don't fix my issue. LOL.
Good job. you save 3000 crowns. But you gonna lose a good customer who bought both pc and playstaytion version of this game. who start this game and bought 20k crown, eso plus and new incoming DLC. who planned to buy at least 20k crown monthly. now I quit and won't go back.

It’s often said we learn from our mistakes more than anything in life and I think this is true for business.
I would love to know what costly mistakes you have learnt from that pivoted your business and strategy.
To start here is mine :
Lack of clear direction and planning. Diving into projects without a clear vision or path. No informed decision were every made 🤣 Not setting business goals or plans early on. 0 roadmap , just trusting my instincts.
As a result of my antics a lot of time, which is the most precious thing and money have been wasted along my journey.
But for me, it’s a valuable lesson and my reminder every day to keep organised and on top of administration and research. (THIS DOES NOT COME NATURALLY )
I now implement a lot of strategies using reminders calendars strategic goal setting and analyse the market, which I am in.

Special Holiday Recovery Prompt:
Reflect on a past holiday season during your recovery journey. Share a specific experience that posed challenges or triggers, and explore the coping mechanisms and strategies that proved effective in maintaining your commitment to sobriety. How did gratitude play a role in navigating the festivities, and what lessons can you carry forward to ensure a healthy and joyous holiday season this year?
Advice for Getting Through the Holidays in Recovery:
During the holiday season, prioritize self-care and plan ahead for potential challenges. Communicate openly with your support system about your needs and boundaries. Create alternative, substance-free traditions to celebrate the holidays, focusing on gratitude and connection. Remember that it's okay to decline invitations or leave events if you feel uncomfortable. Stay mindful of your emotions, and if needed, seek additional support from friends, family, or a support group. Above all, celebrate the progress you've made in your recovery and acknowledge the strength within you to navigate the holidays with resilience and sobriety.

Background: I'm working a double today (3pm + Audit shift) because the auditor called in on my shift and conveniently everyone has plans including the weekend manager (if you count being at a bar "bowling alley" plans lol). I know he's going to a bar because he told me before he left haha so I didn't want to spoil that but I asked him to send me a picture of his score lol good luck with that. Supposedly the managers are supposed to be on call BUT it is payday so I'm not going to push it because I will get OT. Conveniently for me not by request, today was just supposed to be my last day for the week.
Anyway its busy were almost sold out so I turn off the inventory for the night etc. and am going to close up the pool when this story gets me thankful for this subreddit ... people think I'm exaggeration when I tell them what's going on and maybe I am a little bit here and there but WOW. Ya know what I mean.
Our sign reads: Pool hours 10am - 10pm Hot Tub closes at 11pm. That little ambiguity alone makes the maintenance guys think it doesn't have to open at 10am with the pool so sometimes they take their time with the morning chemicals before they open it up. We had a family swimming in the pool on and off throughout the evening and we allow "infants" in a certain area depending on the parents discretion ... I wish that wasn't the case its led to so many issues in itself. We don't allow kids at all into the hot tub that's strictly adults only. Despite our signage that is always an issue too. IF covid was good for anything it was closed pools and a pared down or completely shut down breakfast. Those good? days are over, for us here anyway.
Anyway the family I mentioned was enjoying out pool throughout the day and they took the posted sign about hours to mean the pool was open until 11pm and not 10. So when I came in 15 minutes earlier to get everyone out of the pool the kids started moaning and complaining then the adults started in as well. That's half-expected on any given night so I stood there for a few moments and let them rip then I pointed out our signage and before I finish one of the adults screamed "IT SAYS 11!"
I'm prepared for that too so I say in my loud firm customer service voice "The pool closes at 10pm as posted points to sign and the hot tub is open until 11pm and kids are not allowed in the hot tub points again to sign. I get the normal blowback as the kids start exiting with a few adults and usually the more tipsy adults stick around for the hot tub. I don't mind that it usually calms them down and they get to drink alcohol in cans and surprisingly we get few issues from that in particular. Unless they're with a sports group that's a whole different story.
So the kids leave and a few adults stay behind and a woman with a baby from the same family comes up and asks where our mother's room is. I don't remember the last time someone asked me that question and it takes me a moment to realize what she's asking so I tell her we don't have one and I offer her extra towels if she needs them for her room to nurse there. I honestly don't know if I overstepped a boundary by tacitly suggesting she go to her room to nurse because we don't allow that if asked in our lobby restrooms. Or at least we don't have the facilities for that in our lobby restrooms and we do not suggest that they nurse there. I think people go to their rooms generally to nurse because as I said I can't remember the last time I was asked that.
My response irked her and she began complaining about our pool hours, she doesn't want to be in the pool area if she can't sit in the hot tub with her baby if all the other people (ADULTS keyword) are allowed, etc. I hope she was just being difficult about not being able to take her baby into the hot tub and wouldn't actually do that. The baby starts crying and she said Oh great, now my babies upset and stared at me bug eyed for a few moments. I started to mutter something and she went "tsk tsk" and waved her hand in my face and said "whatever, I'll fix it with your manager tomorrow" and asked me to write my name down on my managers card. I just put an X with a few serifs or something and handed it to her and she took it without looking at it and walked off.
So I was still processing that when the rest of the people left the hot tub. They were pretty cool and relaxed and chatty and said our hot tub and pool were excellent and handed me a sizable tip and left the desk with a few cans of nice IPA. I packed that up quick for later and checked my tips and it was $45 bucks. That lessened the sting a bit of cleaning their mess while I finished shutting down the pool for the night.