Poems for a grandaughters first birthday

TW: Self-harm
Lately I (18F) have been getting worse again.
My life is supposed to be great, I'm graduating high school and my finals were good. My friends are good, I was good. But lately everything's been going wrong. It kinda started the day after my 18th birthday. We have an exchange student (16F) at ours, she's great and I like her. But her family (they're French) invited us to Paris the day after my birthday. I get that it's a big thing and I was really really grateful, my family wasn't too stoked since they're workaholics, but we managed. At first we didn't know when we would go, but then they planned on the day after my 18th birthday. I wasn't included in the conversation, I wasn't told until a month prior.
I tried to be happy, but I've kinda had a traumatic history with the French language in school and also in an aborted exchange year and so, it's a long story, but French just kinda triggers some really bad memories. Anyways, the day after my 18th birthday we had to wake up at 4 am to head to the airport. I felt like I couldn't enjoy my birthday. It was supposed to be my day. I wanted to go out with my friend (18F) but my parents said I wasn't allowed to be tired or hungover or anything. So I just kinda spent my birthday packing and in my room. And then the day first day in Paris I figured that my exchange students family was all about hard-core sightseeing. I was tired from waking up early and I drove 2 hours in the morning and couldn't get any sleep on out trip. So I was moderately grumpy, but the first day of three I kept it together. The second I kept it together until dinner where I just needed a rest. My family and the exchange students family wanted to see Sacre-cœur but I asked if I could just head to the hotel since I barely slept because I needed to share a room with my brother (20M). Long story short my dad yelled at me in the restaurant and told me things along the line of he doesn't know what went wrong with me. Good news was that I went to the hotel after to cry. Next day they acted as if nothing happened but when I said I want an apology from my dad, my mom said she had enough of me and told me the minute I get home I was supposed to pack my bags and leave, or I behave the rest of the day. That last day we went on the highest tower of France for lunch. I have a crippling fear of heights. I was sick just sitting up there, not even eating. When we got home, I think my parents forgot about kicking me out.
Since then I've been a bit worse. I wasn't bad yet, but I was exhausted all of the time. I've been diagnosed with depression, so I understand that I needed to take things slow and slowly build myself back up. Last week was my last school day and I got wasted, but I also started vaping again. Little backstory, I was addicted to them a few months back and 10 months clean. But yeah, that happened.
But this week, I had finals and I was exhausted. I am exhausted from having back to back exams, and my mom, the exchange student and me were supposed to watch a movie in the cinema today. But my mom is exhausted from work so she's been on edge, and most of the time, I get the short stick and she yells at. This time she yelled at my brother, so when everyone left and I helped her do the dished, I said she was being unfair to him, even though him and I are barely talking and we agreed on no contact as soon as someone moves out, it was unfair how she yelled at him. I tried to be civil and told her she didn't have to watch the movie with me and the exchange student, I'd handle it, and she said she wanted to and she'd just sleep during the movie. I tried to keep cool, I tried but she kept saying things that hurt so I wanted to distance myself from the situation and said I'd just go watch another movie. Then she said I should just stay home.
Then I took all my stuff into my room, all the little decorations for pride month I was really excited for, and I started crying. Then I took out a razor blade and started cutting again.
I was 2 months clean.
I didn't cut in Paris, I didn't cut at any point but today I broke and started again.
I'm now in my room, the argument happened less than half an hour ago and I think I'll stay here for today and probably tomorrow. I have like half a packet of wasabi peanuts and water. Don't know what to do now tbh.
So yeah. I relapsed on my two addictions.

23F here. I was dating a guy, essentially a situationship from 2020-2023. In May 2023, we fell out & started seeing each other again in July. But we've been fwb rather than dating. Around Sept, he lmk there is a girl in another state that he's dating long distance & wants to be serious with. We still kept seeing each other b/c he said he was still "single". I believe he has been in a relationship with her since June 2023 but he did not finally claim her as his girlfriend to me until February of this year.
Anyways I still continued to see him despite knowing about the girl. I thought to myself well he was mine first. Very childish on my end, I know. I remember in December he told me was on vacay with this friends. The day after he came back, he was asking to see me. I found his gf's page a couple months ago & turns out, he was on a baecation with her. He was literally in Mexico with her for a week, just to cheat on her the next day.
Last week, when we were together, he even asked me for an orgy ( I said NO). So, I am sure he's sleeping with other girls too.
Yesterday morning, he asked me to come over. I said no bc of work, but what about this weekend? He said he'll be busy over the weekend but he can see me next week. I had an intuition that the girl was flying in this weekend so I check her IG & she's posting in his car. Mind you this is her birthday weekend. In the past, I have thought about telling her, but it was out of anger towards him so I chose not to. However, this time I genuinely feel bad for her. She's flying to her boyfriend's state to celebrate her birthday & little does she know her man was asking to sleep with me the same day she's flying in.
He has been sleeping with me for the entirety of their relationship. Should I tell the girlfriend over Instagram? Should I tell her from a fake page or my real one? I plan to tell the full story & acknowledge the parts that make me look bad as well. I can attach our messages for proof.

My first reddit post, hope you guys go easy on me.

1. Her

I met her (let's call her missybusy) through a common friend group. My friends from my previous school were still connected to me and I often used to meet them. She was new to that friend group and it was her first time coming for a meetup. My friend has a pretty big place so a lot of us could accommodate at the same time. I am usually quiet and I talk less. I was sitting in the corner on the sofa and then I saw her enter through the door along with one other friend of mine. And oh my god, I was in awe and amazement because truthfully, I had never seen a girl so pretty and radiant. Her eyes were bright like the moon at night, her complexion fair like milk and her smile was just so beautiful I can’t even describe it in words. She was the quiet one as well so we both were seated in the corner having small to no conversation. This was my first meeting with her and then we met on multiple other meetups and it was always a few words of exchange. One of my friends (let's call him Dave) was actually sort of close to her and they both used to talk frequently. However, some problems arrived between Dave and missybusy and so Dave reached out to me for help. So, I tried to solve matters by talking to both Missybusy and Dave and this is how I started talking properly to Missybusy. I tried to solve the matter and, in the process, I became friends with Missybusy. And she was really fun to talk to! all this time I perceived her to be quiet and less talkative but when I started to talk to her, I realized that she has an amazing personality besides being so pretty. And around that time my friendship with her strengthened and we used to talk frequently but not every day. And somewhere among these conversations I developed a liking for her and so did she. We used to flirt a lot and it was so fun and pure. This went on for around 3 to 4 months and we continued to flirt and talk. And it was around the time of January when she had returned from the farewell of her high school and she showed me the pictures and she looked gorgeous. An absolute angel. And that night of constant flirting I always kept mentioning about another her in front Missybusy, I did that so she wouldn’t suspect that I liked her. But then she got serious and she confessed that she liked me and I was in a small shock but then I confessed to her as well. At this point one would think that this is it, this is where you guys get into a relationship. But no, I actually asked her to wait for our final exams to be over and even she wanted this. Around One and a half month later we went on our first date. And it was peaceful but it was a very dull date to be honest I took her from one place to another which I feel was terrible. I screwed up the first date. But she told me it was really peaceful and so I didn’t think much of it back then. We kept talking over WhatsApp and Instagram for almost another 2 months but we were not in a relationship yet because she said she wanted time and I believed I shouldn’t pressure her so I kept waiting thinking we have all the time in the world. She was an introvert and she didn’t go out much she liked staying at home more and I sort of found this trait cute, although it meant we didn’t get to meet a lot. 2. Dates and Love In the month of June, we went for another date and spoiler alert, this is the day I fell in love with her. We went to watch a movie- Spiderman, into the spider-verse, and to be honest the movie was decently funny and every time Missybusy laughed I looked at her and adored her smile. I noticed she was shivering, she felt cold because the cinema hall was actually very cold so I wrapped my arm around her so she wouldn’t feel cold and she just came closer and the annoying armrest was like a wall in between. In that moment, I made my purest and most honest wish to God (I’m very spiritual and religious). I asked God to always keep Missybusy happy no matter what. After the movie we exited the hall and we were standing near the exit of the mall and just talking and laughing. It was a blissful moment I can never forget that moment ever. She just jokingly pushed me and I literally fell down and I’ve got to say it was funny as hell. And while I was on the ground I saw her laughing so loudly and openly that I… I also fell in love. I was madly in love. We laughed and talked for another half an hour more and then the both of us went home. While on my way to home I realized that I had fallen for her and everything around me felt so soothing, so amazing and I was so happy. This was my favorite day with her and my best day yet. It was perfect, it was divine it was full of amazement and I for the first time felt what is it like to love. One problem I’ve always had is expressing my feelings. I end up thinking what the other person is going to think about my feelings and I’m going to be judged. But I still told her I love you but she hadn’t said it back yet. Another date we went on that she considered her favorite day with me was when we went to have pizzas. At first, we just walked around, talked a lot and laughed together. Held hands and roamed the paths. Then we came across a pizza shop and decided to have some pizza. Oh boy did I know what the day was going to unfold. She has two siblings so she always had been a fast eater when it came to pizzas and ice creams and at that time, I didn’t know that she ate pizzas so quickly. She finished her whole pizzas before I could finish two slices and to be fair, I’ve always been a slow eater and I didn’t eat very spicy food at the time. So, she was done with her pizza way before I had. She added chili flakes to my pizza slice which slowed my pace even more and she just sat there watching me eat and laughed at me while I was just trying my best to eat the pizza. I realized how much she was enjoying this so I just prolonged this whole thing, I ate slower, I made faces and I even called her a bully and she was laughing so much and, in my heart, I enjoyed that so much. I usually don’t allow people to mess with my food but seeing her laugh I just wanted this moment to last forever. A couple of time later, when everyone was busy filling applications for college, one of our friends (let’s call her jane) hosted a birthday party. The plan was that she will invite us all to our house and then from there we’ll go to a restaurant. So Missybusy and I went to buy gift for our friend and we bought two identical plushies for Jane. Anyways, that day was so special. Because when we all went back home and when Missybusy and I were talking over WhatsApp she said ‘I love you’. For the first time ever, I heard it from her, although it was still on text, I was jumping around screaming in joy and a few tears of joy appeared. I was beaming with joy. I was so happy. This should mean we were finally together, right? Nope. Our colleges were about to start soon and we both were enrolled in a different college, she said she wanted to see how our college life is going to affect our relationship. I didn’t think of it much since what could’ve gone wrong? College started and one month in and I could feel the distance increasing between us and she seemed busier than usual obviously but somewhere because of this she wasn’t giving me much time either. It was a Sunday afternoon when I confronted her about this and she seemed to have realized this as well and she said she’s really sorry about all this. But in the end, she said a relationship doesn’t seem possible. I was devastated but I didn’t shout or yell at her I tried to convince her in everyway possible. But it was futile. It seemed impossible to convince her. And the call ended with a goodbye.

1. The real end

Another problem that I had this whole time was not knowing when to give up trying and give up trying to keep her happy instead of myself. One day later she texted me and she asked if we could meet because she believed I deserved a proper goodbye. And I eventually went to meet her the very next day. And we talked a lot. She said she felt really sorry and she told me that I deserved the best. She told me she was overwhelmed by college; she saw so many faces together and it was difficult for her. I was just super sad but anyhow I controlled myself and I didn’t cry in front of her. But she did, she started crying and I couldn’t hold back then, I hugged her and patted her head telling it’s alright. After she stopped crying, she said she’s sorry and she told me she changed her mind, she had some expectations from a relationship and one of them was physical touch and since we lived far from each other that seemed less likely but she said one has to sacrifice something for love, and I was just confused. I didn’t know what to say, what to do. I said I’ll let her know. Less than an hour after we went back to our homes, I messaged her saying that I’m ready and I want to be with her. Because I thought God had given us a second chance and I believed that it is very much possible and I shouldn’t take too long to tell her.
Everything was perfect for about a month. It was the month of October; we had a small quarrel over something and the next day I called her to apologize. But something seemed different, something felt off. She said it’s okay but I could feel something was off. The worst day of the year and the worst time of that day. She told me her brother had run away from their house because of something that happened with him and a girl and their family was in a lot of panic, and she was obviously worried and scared. She prayed to God to return her brother and she promised that she will never date someone again. I stood there, without movement, without words and I realized what it had meant. It meant an official goodbye. Breaking up in a way one could never expect. She told me to promise to not tell this reason for breakup to my friends (common friend group). I was the one who was given up. The call ended with both of us saying I love you but for the last time ever. I wasn’t at home; I was outside in a park. I felt as if someone had stabbed me right through the heart. I couldn’t feel the wind anymore. People seemed to have stopped talking. The sky lost its color, the birds stopped chirping. My whole world had come to a pause. I couldn’t think straight. I returned home acting normal. My father had come to visit, he rarely visits the city because him and my mother are separated so I don’t get to see my whole family together often so I didn’t want to spoil it. My mother and sister knew about Missybusy. Later that night I told my mom and sister that we broke up and my mom was worried but I told her to not worry because I was fine and I never told them the actual reason either, I just keep telling them I got bored of her so that they won’t worry about me, besides I had created such a wonderful image of missybusy for them I thought I should let it be that way. I couldn’t tell me friends what had happened, I didn’t tell my mom and sister what actually happened. I just kept it to myself and it hurt. It hurt really bad. I felt as if I had given her my heart and she shattered it and threw it away. I never hated her for it and I always blamed the circumstances.

1. Life goes on

I was broken. And as any person after a breakup felt sad and sorrowful, so did I. But I kept my emotions bottled and never told anyone the actual reason. I did everything possible to keep myself distracted, I played games for many hours in a day, I talked to multiple people at once, I scrolled Instagram for hours and I was even addicted. I was losing control and I was falling in a huge pit. Days went by, I was in a terrible mental state. I attended every meetup possible even the ones I didn’t feel like going to, I was spending money like I was a millionaire or something, and I was running out of it. In the month of December, I went to visit my father and when he went for work I was alone and bored so I re-installed snapchat and just took a snap and sent it to all, I didn’t realize it went to Missybusy as well. She replied to that snap and asked how I am doing and we started a small conversation, we were just catching up and all. I was still in a poor mental state but honestly it just felt good talking to her again. And I asked her one question- “When exactly did you move on” and she replied she hadn’t. I felt bad because I realized it must’ve been difficult for her as well, college was tough for her. She told me she dated someone for two days. I was devastated yet again. So that promise for which we had to break up meant nothing. But for some reason a part of me was relieved anyway because she didn’t deserve all this. But what about me? I felt self-pity at that point honestly. When she was gone, I felt as if a part of me was taken away. I never asked for this and I never thought that I’ll have to go through all this when I first said I love you to her. Although we decided we should keep talking but I just couldn’t, after everything I could not just see her as a friend, I’ll always see her as my first love. I always try my best to smile and fool around my friends because that's who I was before I met her but I didn’t force it back then. When I returned to my city, I knew I couldn’t let these bad habits be my future. I knew what happened with me wasn’t fair but I couldn’t let that destroy my career or life. I started learning new things. I got into the stock market learnt a bit of trading and made good sum of money. I was still playing games and was still somewhat addicted. But slowly but surely, I was recollecting myself. I tried avoiding meetups with my school friends’ group because they always bring up this topic and I just hated that. I wanted peace. No matter how the days went by the night were always difficult, I didn’t hate her but I hated that the thought of her kept coming in my mind. It was always hard to fall asleep.

1. The Present- I’m still not over her completely. A part of me will always have hope for her to come back even though my mind knows otherwise but the heart is just weird. I met my school group friends after a long time and I felt good. There were four of us (Me, Dave and let’s call the other two Bob and Marley). I get along with Marley very well, he has his college in a different city so whenever he comes here, I make sure to meet him separately. When I met Marley, we went to a café just to have food and talk really, he asked me why does no one know the real reason for my and Missybusy's breakup. I just told him that it’s complicated. Then Marley told me that he heard from Bob and Dave that they told him that Missybusy started to like someone else that is why you both broke up. It was unprecedented to me. I felt weird, I felt a weird sting. I went back home and I messaged her to confront about this, I was taken away by my impulses. She assured me that wasn’t it and then we started talking like normal people do, talked about each other’s friends’, each other’s college life and so on. Then she asked if it’s possible to meet because it had been so long! And I was honestly scared to meet her but I just agreed anyway. 30th of may we met at a bowling and pool café. We sat there and talked about each other’s life. And honestly it seemed God did listen to my wish for keeping her happy because she had made good friends at college and obviously, she did have some problems but overall, she did seem happy and I was happy for that. The moment I saw her again after such a long time I realized nothing changed, she was just as pretty, her eyes were glowing just as usual and her fashion game was on the top. We made several eye contacts throughout and I could see a little pain in her eyes. It was the pain of guilt or pain of just losing, I won’t know for sure. When we were talking about our lives and what all had happened in these 7 and a half months, I felt so peaceful inside. But as soon as I mentioned what all I had to go through after out breakup she kept saying sorry and it felt as if I was just there to make her feel sorry. So, I refrained from talking about that. But then what did I have to talk about? Most of these months I had spent in misery and apart from that I told her about the little breakthroughs that I made in the market and I told her how I made some good friends at college. But that was it really. So, she did most of the talking. I was just listening. I didn’t want to talk about what I had to go through all these months because I felt I’ll just pressure her with more guilt. I didn’t come here to meet her and just listen to her saying sorry. I only cared about her smile.

My failure of expressing came back to me, I couldn’t tell her that I still loved her, I couldn’t tell her I still miss her. I just listened to her and laughed with her. She asked me once more before we left the park where we were walking at the moment, can we still we be friends? I was hesitant. But I told her we couldn’t. I told her we won’t be able to give time to this friendship and besides I have my competitive exams in December so I need to focus on that. But that’s just a part of it, I can never view her as my friend but always as the person I loved.
When we exited the park, we were standing near her car (oh she drives great by the way!). I told her to go while I wait for my uber. I pushed her away (not physically), I kept telling her to go away. That was it, no hugs just goodbyes. I wanted to hug her but I didn’t want the part of me that still had hope to grow. As she drove away, I realized in the end, I did end up hurting her by telling her to just go away. I came back home, acted normal as usual. Lied to my mom and sister again and told them the 'meeting was fine but it was boring'. The next day when I was home alone. I burst out crying. I never cried this much before. Only I know what I have lost. I didn’t want the part of me that had hope to grow but I also didn’t want it to just die. I cried for hours until eventually I washed my face and waited for my mom and sister to return. Missybusy was gone. I know what I’ve lost. And I blame myself for it. I can physically feel the pain in my heart at this point. It hurts so much. I wish I never met her after she told me a relationship isn’t possible. I wish I was never in love. I wish I never love again. I wish to be never this vulnerable again. I had gone through so much pain in those months and tried to act normal in front of everyone. I can’t tell how many thoughts crossed my mind daily. I just kept it bottled up within me. In the end I think God doesn’t like my heart. When I was in my mother’s womb it was found that I had a very faint heartbeat. As soon as I was born, I was taken into the ICU for surgery. Five years later it was found I have a low BPM. And so many years later my heart was broken into pieces. God doesn’t like my heart.

I am leaving a late in life 3 year relationship because the ex wife is still very much in the picture. Yes they have kids but the kids are 26 and 29 years old. He says they talk all of the time because of the kids. She constantly needs stuff to be done around the house and he jumps to do it. Every birthday, holiday, family dinner...she's there. The speak almost every single day. And she is the first person he texts on the morning. They have been divorced for ten years. And I like her. But!!!! I am having these gutt wrenching pangs...alarm bells really, that they need to get the family back together. He cheated and that's what why it ended. My red flags are flying so high and I can't get around it. I just would like for them to back off a little but he absolutely refuses. Until I left. And now he's willing to bend. The thing is, it feels way too late. I'm heartbroken but it was starting to feel like I'm the girlfiend. And she's still the wife. Wondering what others think. Please don't tell Me to get over it. It's a hearwrenching decision.

Where to begin, I really this year to be a year I become something for myself so I wanted to go back and finish off my studying, only problem is that I live in a different country to where I am a citizen in so I tried to apply for a citizenship but when I was applying for it I didn't have the required proof that I was currently staying at the country I am living now so I was kinda devastated that I wouldn't be able to get my citizenship on time before university started. Because of that mental health got worse, I was getting depressed, I was jobless and it felt like no matter what I tried to make things better for myself and wanting to go somewhere with my artwork, nothing good happened, I just got so overwhelmed with everything that I became really tired of just doing anything. Then the worse thing for me could happen, my fiance of 4 years broke up with me without any warning, I guess in my own words she said I wasn't doing enough even though I tried to do more where I can, it just wasn't enough. My world just felt like it turned upside down from that point on, before then I would've done anything for her to now knowing her as the person who left me high and dry when I was at a low point without any form of warning, the worst part, she told me that if I tried and sorted myself out that she would consider getting back with me so I did, one of my best friends/ sister in law who witnessed the whole thing told me about a free therapist for under 25s so I went to therapy, sorted my art portfolio out, applied for jobs seeing that freelance art was no longer a viable option, anything to be self sufficient. When she found out I was doing all of this what was her response? "Why didn't you do any of this earlier?" It honestly crushed me when I heard those words from her like no matter what I do, it was never enough.
Now to mention all the other stuff that's been happening during those 4 months after the breakup:
.I applied to all the studios that I wanted to get into, even though I've been told by people and professionals that my art is good, I got rejected from all of them.
. My ex Fiance was still using my bank account, she was putting money in there to buy her own things but didn't even ask me to use my account and there were still subscriptions that were going into my account for stuff she used and I didn't, so I had to cancel my card.
. I am still jobless, even though I've been applying anywhere I am able to that I have experience in, and still had no response from anywhere I applied for.
. I've lost contact with most of my friends, whether it be from me being radio silent after the break up or some of my friends cutting contact with me because my ex got to them first
. A family member passed away
. I found that all of the things I've do or been feeling is because I have autism and that I might have high risk psychosis (I already knew I was austitic for a while now, I don't think I do have hrp, still that's not really something that you wanna find out through a study that you're involved in)
. My birthday recently passed, but I wasn't able to do anything because I was sick and almost all of mine and my ex's friends are on her side and haven't talked to me after the break up
. My ex broke into my place to get her stuff even though she agreed to do it when I'm home, twice.
. My mother, brother and sister in law are helping me wherever they can (brother and sister in law live in the same place as me) and I can't ever thank them enough, but at the same time I always feel like a burden.
. Tried other methods of getting new clients for freelance or find other ways to get into the industry even for something entry level or as a first step into getting in, but nothing was available.
. Applied for the required documents for my citizenship so that maybe I'll have a chance to go to uni next year, got rejected.
It just feels like no matter how much I try to make my life better or turn things around for myself something always have to get in the way and it's becoming too much now, doing art feels like a chore like no matter what I do I still won't get in, I don't feel safe in my own house because my ex has a key and I don't want to talk to her for a while after what she has been doing, I feel useless because it's been 4 months and I haven't been able to get a job, I can't even apologise for how much of a burden I've been to my mother, brother and sister in law, and overall no matter what I do to try and make things right for myself, something is always there to stop it. I wanted 2024 to be the year that I make something for myself, and now it's just become the worst year I've lived through recently. Maybe I deserve it, maybe I don't, either way I'm tired and I want to give up on everything.

23F here. I was dating a guy, essentially a situationship from 2020-2023. In May 2023, we fell out & started seeing each other again in July. But we've been fwb rather than dating. Around Sept, he lmk there is a girl in another state that he's dating long distance & wants to be serious with. We still kept seeing each other b/c he said he was still "single". I believe he has been in a relationship with her since June 2023 but he did not finally claim her as his girlfriend to me until February of this year.
Anyways I still continued to see him despite knowing about the girl. I thought to myself well he was mine first. Very childish on my end, I know. I remember in December he told me was on vacay with this friends. The day after he came back, he was asking to see me. I found his gf's page a couple months ago & turns out, he was on a baecation with her. He was literally in Mexico with her for a week, just to cheat on her the next day.
Last week, when we were together, he even asked me for an orgy ( I said NO). So, I am sure he's sleeping with other girls too.
Yesterday morning, he asked me to come over. I said no bc of work, but what about this weekend? He said he'll be busy over the weekend but he can see me next week. I had an intuition that the girl was flying in this weekend so I check her IG & she's posting in his car. Mind you this is her birthday weekend. In the past, I have thought about telling her, but it was out of anger towards him so I chose not to. However, this time I genuinely feel bad for her. She's flying to her boyfriend's state to celebrate her birthday & little does she know her man was asking to sleep with me the same day she's flying in.
He has been sleeping with me for the entirety of their relationship. Should I tell the girlfriend over Instagram? Should I tell her from a fake page or my real one? I plan to tell the full story & acknowledge the parts that make me look bad as well. I can attach our messages for proof.

23F here. I was dating a guy, essentially a situationship from 2020-2023. In May 2023, we fell out & started seeing each other again in July. But we've been fwb rather than dating. Around Sept, he lmk there is a girl in another state that he's dating long distance & wants to be serious with. We still kept seeing each other b/c he said he was still "single". I believe he has been in a relationship with her since June 2023 but he did not finally claim her as his girlfriend to me until February of this year.
Anyways I still continued to see him despite knowing about the girl. I thought to myself well he was mine first. Very childish on my end, I know. I remember in December he told me was on vacay with this friends. The day after he came back, he was asking to see me. I found his gf's page a couple months ago & turns out, he was on a baecation with her. He was literally in Mexico with her for a week, just to cheat on her the next day.
Last week, when we were together, he even asked me for an orgy ( I said NO). So, I am sure he's sleeping with other girls too.
Yesterday morning, he asked me to come over. I said no bc of work, but what about this weekend? He said he'll be busy over the weekend but he can see me next week. I had an intuition that the girl was flying in this weekend so I check her IG & she's posting in his car. Mind you this is her birthday weekend. In the past, I have thought about telling her, but it was out of anger towards him so I chose not to. However, this time I genuinely feel bad for her. She's flying to her boyfriend's state to celebrate her birthday & little does she know her man was asking to sleep with me the same day she's flying in.
He has been sleeping with me for the entirety of their relationship. Should I tell the girlfriend over Instagram? Should I tell her from a fake page or my real one? I plan to tell the full story & acknowledge the parts that make me look bad as well. I can attach our messages for proof.

Week 3: Villanelles and Ekphrastic Poetry - Lecture and Discussion
Objective: - Explore the structured repetition of villanelles and the visual inspiration of ekphrastic poetry. - Understand the fixed form of villanelles and their emotional impact. - Discuss the interplay between visual art and written expression in ekphrastic poetry.
Day 1: Introduction to Villanelles - Lecture: - Definition and characteristics of villanelles. - Explanation of the ABA ABA ABA ABA ABA ABAA rhyme scheme.

• Discussion Questions:
  1. What intrigues you about the structured repetition of villanelles?
  2. Why is the ABA ABA ABA ABA ABA ABAA rhyme scheme significant in villanelles?
  3. Can you think of any famous villanelles or poets known for this style?

Day 2: Analyzing Villanelles - Part 1 - Lecture: - In-depth analysis of classic villanelles. - Exploration of the emotional impact through repetition.

• Discussion Questions:
  1. How does the repetition in the villanelles contribute to their emotional resonance?
  2. What themes or emotions are effectively conveyed through this structured form?
  3. Share your thoughts on the impact of repetition on the reader.

Day 3: Analyzing Villanelles - Part 2 - Lecture: - Discussing modern variations and themes in villanelles. - Exploring the versatility of the form.

• Discussion Questions:
  1. How have modern villanelles evolved in terms of themes and structure?
  2. In what ways does the fixed form of a villanelle challenge or enhance creativity?
  3. Share examples of emotions or themes that might work well in a villanelle.

Day 4: Crafting Villanelles - Part 1 - Lecture: - Step-by-step guide on crafting the first four lines of a villanelle. - Emphasis on creating a strong thematic foundation.

• Discussion Questions:
  1. What challenges do you anticipate in crafting the first four lines of a villanelle?
  2. How can you establish a strong thematic foundation within this repetition?
  3. Share examples of themes or emotions suitable for a villanelle.

Day 5: Crafting Villanelles - Part 2 - Lecture: - Step-by-step guide on crafting the final three lines of a villanelle. - Emphasis on creating resolution and impact.

• Discussion Questions:
  1. Why is the final three-line structure crucial in providing resolution in a villanelle?
  2. How can a villanelle evoke a sense of completeness within the repeated lines?
  3. Share and discuss individual villanelles, highlighting successful elements.

Homework Assignment: - Craft a villanelle focusing on a theme or emotion that lends itself well to repetition.
Study Guide Questions: 1. Reflect on the challenges of crafting the first four lines of your villanelle. How did you establish a strong thematic foundation? 2. How did you approach creating resolution and impact in the final three lines of your villanelle? 3. What insights did you gain from the process of crafting a villanelle?
Quiz: Assessment on the understanding of villanelles, the ABA rhyme scheme, and the emotional impact of repetition.
Day 6: Introduction to Ekphrastic Poetry - Lecture: - Definition and characteristics of ekphrastic poetry. - Explanation of the relationship between visual art and written expression.

• Discussion Questions:
  1. What interests you about the interplay between visual art and poetry in ekphrastic works?
  2. How might visual stimuli enhance or influence the creative writing process?
  3. Can you think of any famous ekphrastic poems or poets known for this style?

Day 7: Analyzing Ekphrastic Poetry - Part 1 - Lecture: - In-depth analysis of classic ekphrastic poems. - Exploration of how poets respond to visual stimuli.

• Discussion Questions:
  1. How does the visual inspiration impact the themes and imagery in ekphrastic poetry?
  2. What unique perspectives or insights can arise from responding to visual art?
  3. Share your thoughts on the relationship between the visual and the written in ekphrastic works.

Day 8: Analyzing Ekphrastic Poetry - Part 2 - Lecture: - Discussing modern variations and themes in ekphrastic poetry. - Exploring the diverse ways poets engage with visual art.

• Discussion Questions:
  1. How have modern poets expanded the themes and approaches in ekphrastic poetry?
  2. In what ways does the incorporation of visual art broaden the possibilities in written expression?
  3. Share examples of visual art that you believe would inspire compelling ekphrastic poems.

Day 9: Crafting Ekphrastic Poetry - Part 1 - Lecture: - Step-by-step guide on responding to visual art in writing. - Emphasis on capturing the essence and emotion of the artwork.

• Discussion Questions:
  1. What challenges do you anticipate in responding to visual art with written expression?
  2. How can you capture the essence and emotion of an artwork in your ekphrastic poem?
  3. Share examples of artworks that you find particularly inspiring.

Day 10: Crafting Ekphrastic Poetry - Part 2 - Lecture: - Discussing the role of personal interpretation and creativity in ekphrastic poetry. - Exploring the potential for multiple ekphrastic responses to a single artwork.

• Discussion Questions:
  1. How does personal interpretation influence the creative process in ekphrastic poetry?
  2. In what ways can multiple poets respond differently to the same piece of visual art?
  3. Share and discuss individual ekphrastic poems, highlighting successful elements.

Homework Assignment: - Craft an ekphrastic poem in response to a chosen piece of visual art.
Study Guide Questions: 1. Reflect on the challenges of responding to visual art with written expression in your ekphrastic poem. How did you capture the essence and emotion? 2. How did personal interpretation shape your creative process in crafting an ekphrastic poem? 3. What insights did you gain from the process of crafting an ekphrastic poem?
Quiz: Assessment on the understanding of ekphrastic poetry, the relationship between visual art and written expression, and the creative possibilities in responding to visual stimuli.

It's well known that Tolkien didn't particularly like France or its culture, but we love him anyway. And unfortunately, it took a long time for his incredible books to reach France and French-speaking countries. And even today, it's complicated... because yes, not everything has been translated.
You've probably read “The fall of Numeror” recently or “Tolkien's letters, revised and expanded”, well, we're still waiting for them... (And we never got the 12-volume Middle-Earth story! Thanks wiki)
Speaking of translations, here's the crux of the matter. Tolkien came to us at a time when heroic fantasy and its derivatives were not particularly well regarded and, above all, not well known, even among young people. It's very niche, in fact.
The Hobbit was published in 1969 in France, and yet no publisher other than “Christian Bourgois” wanted to translate The Lord of the Rings until 1972/1973. Quite simply because of the high cost of translation, and because they felt that the French couldn't possibly be interested in a work that was so foreign in its references. "They could only see the Germanic legend". We've come a long way in the meantime, phew!
The first translation we had (by Francis Ledoux) contained errors and questionable translation choices. Here are a few examples:

• Frodo is called “ Frodon ” for a pronunciation issue (same for Bilbo who becomes " Bilbon ").
  
• Vala is always in the singular, never in the plural (but the translator didn't yet have the Silmarillion).
  
• Mirkwood becomes “ Forêt Noire ” (black forest) because it sounds ’German” (sic)
  
• Rivendell is called “ Fondcombe ” for some reason; “fond” (lower part) and “combe” (deep valley).
  

But here's the problem: despite the choices, we've got used to this translation, yet a new one (by Daniel Lauzon) appeared a few years ago, and it's creating even more problems than before!

• Fondcombe became " Fendeval " (!!), "fend" for to split, "de" the article of, and "val" which is a fairly wide valley. So in English, it would be the Elrond residing in the "Large Split Valley".
  
• Mirkwood became the “Forêt de Grand'Peur ” (literally the forest of great fear). Well, it's still okay there, even if we don't really understand where it comes from.
  

The problem is that in the films, they use both the French words from the old translation and the English words. They say "Fondcombe and Mirkwood". No consistency.
But all that's nothing, there's much worse!
Aragorn's name hasn't changed (phew), but his nickname is still a problem. You see, in English, it's “Strider”, and that sounds cool to Americans/Englishmen (at least, I imagine it does), except that it had to be translated because it sounds too much English in a text entirely in French... Strider was translated as “Grand-Pas” (literally big step). Yes, it's Aragorn Big Step. Laugh at us!
Except that the new translation has changed, and he becomes “Aragorn l'arpenteur” (Aragorn the Surveyor). Why the surveyor? Because he travels a lot. But I don't really see Aragorn as a topographer, because that's exactly what you think of when you read the word in French.
I'm not saying all this to throw pebbles at the translators, especially the first one. He had to make do with what he had, and he did pretty well overall. But it often creates confusion with the addition of translation... It makes me think I should read Lotr in English in its entirety, but laziness has meant I read in my native tongue.
Another huge problem: the songs and poems.
Tolkien uses very precise poetic meter and rhymes in keeping with his language. Inevitably, literal translations don't work in other languages, and this creates disasters. The poor translators have to make drastic changes, and it feels bad. But then, I suppose it's the same story with other languages.
Thanks for reading! (sorry for the grammar and syntax errors)

I have so far been up all night as I can’t fall asleep for nothing. I have been stressing so much lately and there is nothing that can ease the stress.. on top of the thoughts of what can happen to the baby long term medical wise from all this stress. It’s honestly so much eating away at me and I just don’t know what to do with these thoughts. I am going to just write away everything that’s been eating away at me.. that is why this is going to be very long as it’s been a lot so far… I got off birth control in December as life was going amazing and it was giving me awful migraines as I was rearing my third year being on nexplanon. I knew that there could be a possibility of getting pregnant and honestly with how life was going the thought of potentially getting our boy as we have two girls right now was really exciting me. I have been working from home and recently got a huge raise and things were looking great. A month after getting off the birth control I started feeling weird, that intuition feeling came. Shortly after, my job that I had been with for almost 3 years randomly lays off a lot of employees including me with no notice or anything. I thought it would be a long term job but they eventually grew financial issues. Of course I didn’t want to abort this baby just because my job laid me off. I am a very independent person so of course I would do anything to make sure me and mine are straight. I start back doordashing full time from 9 am to 9 pm and I stay an hour from the nearest city so the stress of wear and tear on my car has always scared me but you gotta do what you gotta do as a parent. Of course they say I’m eligible for unemployment and I’ve tried endless times to file for it and they always denied me due to work searches as I wasn’t applying to the right places when I was applying EVERYWHERE. No matter what I put. Every week would get denied cause of this and the phone number is impossible to reach someone. So I’ve given up on unemployment. We lived off of our tax return plus DoorDashing which I really wanted to save this money. The work search has been so stressful. I got a seasonal job and did amazing at it working up to 18 hours overtime one day but they over hired people so there was way to many people to consider hiring everyone full time so once it ended less then a month of working there that was it. Until I got a call from my dream job which my mom and my bf mom both work there and it pays way higher then what I’ve made on top of providing a hybrid schedule too. I felt it was a stretch applying but my resume looked really good so I went for it. I got an interview with them and the interviewer loved me and said he felt really confident in me and would like to offer me the position. Of course I’m overly excited cause this is my dream job. After filling out the onboarding and going to scheduled onboarding appointments they state there was only one issue stopping my onboarding which was a previous account with them that had restrictions on it that I was not aware of. I trusted the wrong “friends” back in high school 7 YEARS AGO with my personal information not knowing any better and they did fraud with my information and of course it fell back on me. I even paid back every owed penny from the fraud to clear my name to move on from that mistake. They never told me they also proceeded to put restrictions cause of it. So my onboarding was put on hold until I handled the restrictions. Fast forward a month later of struggling making ends meet. We have no more income tax money.. but at least I finally receive a response saying the restrictions would be removed. So finally we receive great news. I let the people know and they proceed to let me know that someone will reach out to me in 5-7 days and it has now surpassed that time frame with no response and I am just so scared that they won’t follow through.. It is now June and I have been struggling to get a full time job since February and I am holding onto the little ounce of hope that this job will follow through like they said… Holding onto that ounce of hope as doordash grew very stressful I decided to pull all of my retirement out from my previous job to put into savings in case we need it for an emergency especially if the car were to go out on us. on top of our apartment lease renewal coming up. We did NOT want to renew the lease because this apartment has treated us HORRIBLY since we moved in. We came from a clean bug free apartment due to the rent randomly increasing twice since we moved in it and moved 30 minutes to be closer to my OLD job and his family. We moved into this apartment because I had a work friend refer it to me saying it was her first apartment and she fell in love with it. Not knowing we were going to get the worst apartment building probably out of the whole complex. Since we moved in we could not look at the apartment until after the lease was signed and given the keys. We moved ONE box into the place and came back days later to move the rest of our stuff. We moved that box and SO MANY roaches scattered from it and we knew instantly we got played and that now all of our things were going to be roach infested now. Fast forward almost a whole year later we have tried endless methods to get rid of them such as boric acid, orthene, endless traps, endless raid bottles, ONTOP of the apartment buildings monthly pest control coming in doing whatever they do and WE STILL HAVE THEM. No matter what we do they are not leaving as I believe even tho we try different methods it won’t matter if everyone else in the building aren’t trying to get rid of them. They are probably being constantly rotated between the other apartments around us so it’s useless. I DO NOT WANT TO BRING MY NEW BORN BABY INTO THIS APARTMENT. On top of all the plugs in the walls has blown in the living room. I let the landlord know about this and they sent there only technician to check it out and they didn’t know what they were doing. They switched the power surge switches on and off and it fixed the plugs but they proceeded to go back out the next day. We haven’t even been there a year and the refrigerator has been tearing up like crazy. The whole bottom of it has ripped off cause apparently the adhesive is so strong when closing and opening that it slowly tore its own frame off. We had to use gorilla glue to glue it back on and it’s so far worked. On top of the rims around the door got so many rips in it. The door holders on the fridge can’t hold anything heavy or else the whole shelf falls off same as the door handles on the freezer so we have to carefully move things around it and put only certain things in those spots or else it’s all going to the floor. The first red flag of the apartment is there are no washer and dryer hook ups and that is honestly the least of our problems with this place.. the bolts on the dish washer are so tiny and unscrewed with time and randomly the whole dish washer completely fell down from being poorly connected to the counter. Whenever you open it to put dishes in you have to hold the racks or else the whole dish washer will fall forward and they will roll out with all the dishes in it. I’m so over this place and we have BEEN ready to move out. So once the 30 days came up I contacted the landlord about the 30 day notice that we were going to move out before the lease renewed. She proceeded to tell me with no emotion that they required a 60 DAY notice in advance prior to our lease end date and that our lease already renewed for another YEAR. She didn’t even try to help us out and did not provide any kind of notice or reminding about the 60 day notice. She just kept repeating that we signed the lease and it is written in the lease. She said if we move out we will be responsible to pay the months rent for each upcoming month until a new tenant moves in and takes over the lease which is very unlikely as they have full control on whether they want to move someone new in or continue to bill us the monthly rent.. So now we are trying to figure out how we are going to work out this New obstacle/road block and I am already halfway through my pregnancy. All of this stress has been eating me alive for the whole beginning of my pregnancy and it ALL came out of the blue. This is not how I pictured being pregnant with my third baby and I feel completely miserable right now. I am struggling doordashing all day just waiting for any kind of good news. We are thinking about ditching this apartment and going to stay with my mom until we find a full time job to afford a new apartment as we just want to start the process of this landlord potentially searching for a new tenant to take this burden off of us. We do not wish to pay two apartment rents as my credit is amazing and I know if they put any of this apartments owed rent when we move out on my collections it will ruin my credit.. we have been growing it for when we are ready to get our first home. So I know not paying it is not an option for me. I’ve just been wishing this ongoing nightmare will finally come to an end and I can finally receive any kind of good news. I was sooo excited about this pregnancy but now I have zero excitement for it as I have been through endless stressing and roadblocks the whole pregnancy so far. I am afraid that this stress and pain will affect the baby long term.. I do not wish to bring this baby into this apartment as I fully wish to be in a new upgraded apartment bug free when the baby comes in October my birthday month.. It’s just super hard holding onto any kind of motivation right now and the pain is slowly eating me up inside.. I just really needed to get all of this off of my chest and hopefully maybe I can finally get some sleep right now. If you read all of this.. thank you for listening and all I can really say is check on your people cause you never know what they could be going through as life can hit so random at times..

Hi everyone!
My name is Tymedust and I'm a game developer focusing on visual novels with interactive elements (my name's URL goes to my games on itch.io if anyone wants to check them out).
This July I'm entering a short-form Jam (basically an event where you develop games during set time and content restrictions) with heavy limitations, and I'm interested in creating something with a creepier vibe than my earlier projects, being a life-long fan of horror.
With that in mind I was hoping I could throw this out there in order to get input from fellow horror gamers, and perhaps get some discussions going on how to create something effective within the set limits of this event.
First off, the limitations:

• A maximum of 1000 words
• Only one music track
• Only one sound effect
• Only one sprite/character
• Only one background (full-color BGs i.e. wholly black, wholly white etc don't count)

Other than that, it's relatively free-form what you can do. You can play around with visual effects (zooms, slowdowns, camera panning, etc) and as long as you don't add more content to the above list, it's allowed. In order words, there's a lot of room for creativity within the constraints.
Second off, what I have so far to work with (I can't show any actual assets since you aren't allowed to start working on them until the Jam starts proper, so this is all in the pre-planning stage):

• A hand-drawn portrait of a young, gothic girl: she is sitting on the left side of the screen, writing something, her hands animated (she also has a number of different facial expressions, which is also allowed as long as the pose itself doesn't change)
• The right side of the screen has the text portion of the game, the player will be able to choose between different words, and the words chosen then form various short poems/plot points (the character is a writer), these are then read aloud by a voice actor (this is a bit similar to the poem mini-game found in Doki Doki Literature Club, a VN which blew up a few years back)

So that's basically the concept; a writer and her words. The mood is dark and atmospheric, and I'm definitely feeling an influence from horror poetry (at one time I considered making the game poetry-only, but I'm not sure if that will catch a modern player in the same way... though it's not entirely off the table).
This is where I welcome any and all ideas. What should happen, what should her writing be about, what kind of effects should be used within the constraints of the Jam to create atmosphere, mood and horror?
It should be noted that I do already have several potential ideas, but I feel like I'm missing something, like the final piece of the puzzle to make this go from "cool" to "damn cool", so to speak.
I'm very thankful for any input, and should I utilize any ideas mentioned here in the final product, I'll of course provide proper credit. :) I also welcome examples for short horror games that you'd recommend me to check out which might be influential within this setting.
Thanks for reading and have a lovely day! <3

My(23F) little sister(21F) started making her own songs after not really doing anything for years and living off my parents money. I’m honestly happy for her she finally found her way in life and is doing something she is passionate about, and I think her songs sound amazing! The thing is, I’m in university studying to become a vet. It’s a lot of hard work and I love it, but I had to put a lot on hold to be able to do it. I have played piano for over 15 years now, and I used to compose my own songs. I also used to write poems often to manage my emotions and I wrote short stories that I posted online, and actually did really well. I haven’t been able to put much time in it for the past few years, but I’m still jamming sometimes and improvising on the piano, and I still plan on publishing a book sometime that I’ve been working on on and off. My sister never played an instrument until 1 year ago, and still mostly sings. She didn’t really write,apart from one time where she wrote a book in an old diary with pictures in it which she did because I had written a book for a competition and she got excited too. That wouldn’t matter at all, if not for the fact that my mom now brags about my sister constantly and how she was always ‘the creative one’ and how it makes sense that she ended up doing this as she was always the one doing creative stuff and writing as a kid. How everyone has different qualities and now she has ‘one creative daughter and one that’s in university’. I know it’s petty of me, but it really rubs me the wrong way. I used to be the one that made songs, wrote stories, poems. I even got to read one in front of the school after it won in a school contest. The fact I’m not doing that right now doesn’t mean that that’s not my hobby, or not something I like to do. My dad even mentioned it to my mom, saying my sister really wasn’t that into music or writing and it was me that did all those things as a kid. She brushed it off and keeps bringing up that one book my sister wrote and her playing music games on the ipad. Again, I honestly am glad she found something she likes doing, but I hate how this is now ‘her’ thing and all the stuff I did is non-existent, except my academic career. She always used to copy me as a kid and wanted to do everything I did, every single sport I was in and hobby I had. My mom found it cute and encouraged her, and it ended up always becoming ‘her’ thing instead of a hobby I or both of us did. It just makes me sad how even as adults, I’m denied of any of my own hobbies just because she does them now. Even now, apart from this I picked up crocheting and my moms first reaction was to teach my sister too, because she also wants to do it now.

I am a mysterious poet
I want to write poems for and about you
I will have to get to know you first so that I can make the poem personalized
Here is a bunch of super important stuff about me:
Favorite color: Yellow
What I get at Starbucks: mocha frappuccino with espresso shots
The foot I step first with: Right
The last time I had scrambled eggs: Saturday
How much sleep I got last night: 20 hours
The color of my socks: black
The age I will die: Any day now
Twilight or Harry Potter?: Lord of the Rings instead
My favorite literary device: Imagery
My astrological sign: Dragon
How to win my heart: Say the words “Fufu Cuddlypoops” (Bonus if you know where that is from)

So I got a kitten for my 17th birthday yesterday (her name is Mitsy and she's the cutest little thing ever!) and she's also my first ever pet so I'm really worried that I'm gonna screw something up and to hopefully avoid that I have a few questions! She's 6 months and 3 weeks btw
​

1. How often should I change the litterbox? I've been doing it immediately after my kitten uses it but I'm pretty sure that's not necessary.
2. Is it okay for her to be licking her stitches from her desexing surgery thingy? I assumed it wouldn't be okay but the pet store I got her from didn't seem to care too much about it since she wasn't wearing a cone. Also, I'm not sure how old the stitches are but I have to take her to the vet in two weeks to get them removed if that matters
3. She keeps trying to eat her litter (its absorbing litter) and I keep trying to distract her and/or firmly telling her 'no' and getting her to drop it but I'm not sure how to get her to stop completely or even if this is normal behaviour. It's probably super dangerous though
4. Mitsy keeps randomly making a weird croaking sound and it's probably just a hairball but she also ate a dust ball a few hours ago before I was able to stop her and she ate something crunchy (probably litter) that I couldn't see a little bit after that, but like. I'm still a bit scared.
5. I'm keeping the litterbox and food and water in my bedroom along with Mitsy for now because my Nanna doesn't want her wandering around the house at night, but I'm planning to move it all to the bathroom when she gets accustomed to my house and we get a cat fence for my Nanna's bedroom (she dislikes cats, the absolute monster!), but I was thinking that keeping the litterbox in my room is a bad idea and I feel kind of guilty about having her locked in my room all night and her waking up before me and probably wanting to explore and play
6. Any tips on getting kittens to feel more comfortable around stairs? I want to let her know that downstairs is okay too (she seems to be okay upstairs now) and I've been trying to coax her down one step at a time using treats but its not really working. I also don't want to pick her up because I don't want to accidentally touch her stitches and hurt her.
7. Since Mitsy is already litter trained, its okay for me to give her treats whenever right? And on a similar note, is it normal for kittens to avoid treats when they're in a new home?
8. She hasn't done anything 'bad' yet, but when she does, what's a good way of teaching her not to do that? I don't want to yell at her or spray her with water or anything because that's mean and I want to be a nice cat mum and she doesn't know any better
9. Is getting a cat harness worth it? I'm never going to let her out into the backyard or outside because of how easy it is for her to run into a possibly not so friendly cat or escape the backyard which is literally bordering a road that has a lot of cars and she doesn't know the area so she can't find her way back home. I'm thinking that maybe I can take her on walks like a dog but my family said that's stupid so I'm not sure
10. I've been playing with her a lot with a feather toy (sorta, its actually a star on a string and it had a moon as well with bells but those came off) and she keeps jumping really high and twisting in midair which looks like it should be painful because of the stitches (can you tell I'm really worried about the stitches?) but maybe she's just really good at hiding pain?

​
I think that's it, please please please answer even one of these if you can and any assorted kitten raising tips are greatly appreciated!

My boyfriend (20M) and I (20F) have been dating for almost a year, and he is the sweetest, smartest, funniest and most handsome person I know. However, the one thing he’s not the greatest at is fashion.
His outfits primarily consist of sweatpants (basketball shorts if it’s hot out), hoodies, and old t-shirts. He sleeps, goes to class, works out, and goes out with our friends all in the same outfit. He refuses to wear jeans because he says they’re uncomfortable, and does not own a collard shirt. I am pretty into fashion, and tried to let it go at first because it felt superficial; however, it started to bother me a few months ago, when he wore a neon hoodie and ratty grey sweatpants to meet my parents for the first time.
I have tried subtly suggesting small changes (I.e. saying things like “you would look so good in this”), but that gets brushed off almost immediately each time. I even went as far as to get him a nice pair of sneakers for his birthday, yet he still ops for his dirty old gym shoes half the time.
I understand prioritizing being comfortable when going to class or the gym. However, what bothers me is when I look at pictures of us on nice dates or out with friends, I have clearly put effort into my appearance, while he has on the same thing as always. Am I being too superficial? And how do I get him to make a change with his fashion?

Hi I am female (37) been seeing this guy M ( 25) for 2 years now. We started off casually more like a fwb situation. Because of our age gap and I thought he isn't matured enough to be in a committed relationship. But things started changing between us. Even though I maintained that I don't want anything serious and still I see this as a casual relation. But I think he started feeling differently. He became more and more clingy and even though I try not to involve or share much about my life with him, he is the polar opposite. He brings me into his family. His parents, sister, friends know who I am. It was a bit awkward for me at the beginning but later I adjusted with the situation. After 1 year being casual he started insisting to be his gf. I took it jokingly at first and agreed to it ( all light hearted and in my head it's still a joke). But little did I know he was serious. Since that day he wanted to spend more time with me . Here I want to add I have a very busy schedule and I don't have time to be in a bf gf situation. I can only be casual as a nd when needed , as selfish as it might sound thats all I'm in for. I tried creating distance by ghosting him time and time and not meeting up for months. But he is persistent. Even if I don't respond he sends text everyday. He would act all normal even when I respond to his text after few weeks of ghosting. I think I feel a bit sorry for him at times ,and couldn't cut it off completely. Recently I started seeing him again somewhat regularly. And he is fixated at the term that I'm his gf. I'd like to add he is young , tall and handsome. I think he can definitely find a gf of his age . Anyways, to come to the end of my story , yesterday was his birthday. He turned 25. We had a good time and although i told him my age several times before I still casually asked guess how old I am. He hesitated a bit and said 46. I know very well I don't look 46 and that made me furious ( judge away if you want to , but a 37 y/o lady who's always used to hear from everyone that I look late 20s or early 30s this came to me as shock). Then and there I decided this situationship has to end. I straight up told him we are done and I don't want to see him anymore. I can't be with a young dude who thinks he's with a super old 46 y/o lady when actually I'm 37. This gave me a Martha vibe ( from baby reindeer lol). I can't be Martha. So I broke up. Still he's sending me msgs non stop. I'm going to ignore. I can overlook, but then again as I said I'm not Martha. Please give me your point of view reddit. Thanks

Hello Dr. K and the HealthyGamer community,
I am seeking advice, support, and insights on how to emotionally separate and individuate from my parents later in life, which I should have done much earlier. The adult part of me knows what I need to do, but there's also a part of me that is frightened. Let me give you a snapshot of my life trajectory. The story is long, but I want to provide as much context as possible. If you prefer a short summary of my dilemma, please skip to the last paragraph. Otherwise, here is my life story:
I grew up in a well-to-do family in an East Asian country. My parents had me in their early 20s, just as their business began to flourish during the 'boom years.' Both came from very broken families. My mother experienced poverty, abuse, and neglect from her parents (she did not speak to her dad until he died and almost never acknowledges her mother). My father was the least favorite child in his family of three, dropped out of high school, ended up on the streets, and, as I learned a few years ago, was later imprisoned for fighting. My parents met when my mother was 19 and my father 21, ran away together, and built a very successful business in their early to mid-20s, becoming incredibly wealthy in a generally poor society.
Although we were affluent, my parents were never around. I started boarding at age 3 and spent most of my time outside school with my paternal grandparents and occasionally my maternal grandmother. My parents fought a lot. My mother once threatened to take me away and drove off with me with no specific destination. At one point, she told me she was divorcing my father, and we moved into another apartment for a day before returning home. She emotionally smothered me, saying she would die for me and that no one would love me as much as she did. She also hit me often over small things, sometimes in public. I thought she was better than my father, who, according to her, would remarry quickly if she left or died, subjecting me to abuse from an evil stepmother.
Despite our wealth, my mother took me out of an international school after six months and sent me to a state school known for being strict and militant. I was a 'good, smart kid' in primary school, but around age 12 or 13, I became very depressed and felt life had no purpose. I failed almost all my subjects except History and started drinking, influenced by my father's heavy drinking and a culture that tolerated alcoholism.
Then something happened that saved me in retrospect. My family emigrated to an Anglophone New World country, and I went to another boarding school. Despite experiencing racism and feeling self-conscious about my appearance, I improved academically and, by years 12 and 13, was among the best students. Between ages 13-18, I saw my father rarely, perhaps once or twice a year. My mother visited periodically, and they bought a house near the school, where I lived mostly alone. Like many first-generation immigrant kids, I handled most family matters because my parents couldn't speak English.
When it was time for university, I wanted to study law and politics at the local public university, but my father insisted I go to the UK or the US, believing a degree from the local university would not lead to a good job. He also prevented me from taking a gap year. I regret not leaving home to get a job. I applied to many universities and chose the worst-ranked one in London because I wanted to be in the city.
University was eye-opening. I discovered Europe and realized the world was much bigger than the conformist, conservative East Asian country and backwater suburbs I knew. However, my degree didn't prepare me for life, and my emotionally underdeveloped state made me miserable in adult relationships. I chose emotionally distant or abusive friends, hurt people who liked me, and did no internships or travel because I was expected to help my family during holidays. I wanted to stay in London, looked for random jobs, but had no life skills or work experience. Eventually, I returned to East Asia.
By then, my father had moved to a more cosmopolitan East Asian city, living extravagantly. I interned at a fancy company for almost a year, hoping for a job offer that never came. I soon found a job in brand consulting and finally started earning money at 23. I had a relationship with an older woman, but I was still emotionally detached. I tried freelancing, learned to impress others, and almost made enough to support myself, but I was fundamentally lost and unhappy. I experienced my first depressive episode and decided to return to London for a Master's degree. My father agreed to fund my education.
That year was the happiest of my life. I loved university, research, and being with smart, nerdy people. I met an intelligent, caring, and beautiful woman, and we moved in together. I discovered more fulfilling ways to live and found that success didn't mean working for an investment bank or being rich. I wanted to be an academic, applied for a PhD, and got in after two attempts.
Academia wasn't all rosy. The work conditions were awful, and the publish-or-perish mentality sucked the joy out of research. I loved teaching but quickly learned it mattered little at a 'research university.' I gained weight, my relationship deteriorated, arguments turned physical, and I felt worthless. The pandemic made things worse, and I felt I needed to radically change my life. My solution was to become the person my family wanted: filial, loyal, and rich. I was ready to abandon my life in London and move back to East Asia to 'stop being a loser.'
I returned home, trying to fix my family and shower them with love. I interned at a VC firm, but it clashed with my values, and I cried every day at work. I broke up with my girlfriend for someone with no emotional attachment, leading to great sex but zero intimacy. Within three months, I was broke, living in a short-term rental, and eating unhealthily. Fortunately, I had a therapist, a good friend in Shanghai, and my girlfriend gave me a second chance. I realized my family's emotional neglect contributed to my unhappiness and depression. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and medicated, which helped me move out of paralysis. I confronted my family about their past actions and my diagnosis. My mother reacted poorly, calling me names and accusing me of being a horrible son. This ordeal made me realize I needed to break away from them. What I threw away in London was actually the most valuable: a career, a family, my identity.
After confronting my mother that year, she vowed never to see me again. However, 6-8 months later, she sent me a large sum of money for my birthday. I let her back into my life, partly for financial help but also seeking proof of their love and acceptance. Things improved initially, but soon she started complaining about mistreatment by my partner. Then, my parents promised to buy me a flat and pressured me to get married. I accepted the flat for stability and freedom, ignoring their past behavior. Predictably, the flat became a tool for my mother to control me. She threatened to sue me if my girlfriend moved in and disputed the flat's ownership just weeks before the move-in date. I have a demanding job and spend much of my day dealing with this situation, processing the emotional toll of my mother's actions. I feel unsafe, violated, and confused. I hear a voice telling me this is all my fault and that I'm too weak. I know what I need to do cognitively, but emotionally I'm paralyzed. Do you understand what I mean? What would you do?

Hi DMs,
Gonna be running a oneshot for a girl tonight, they’ve finished BG3 multiple times but never played DND so I figured I’d try a lighthearted oneshot set in a parody of the shire
Their character idea is that of a young noblewoman cast out by their family as latent wild magic abilities become apparent
Her character will then journey to find another outcast family member, an eccentric old wizard that’s her grandfather.
The wizard has taken up residence in a cosy halfling settlement, helping the locals with minor enchantments and is soon to be celebrating his Eleventy First birthday
As the party preparations are underway, there’s a big BBQ/cookout going on and the head chef is using an enchanted Silver Spatula to flip burgers and sausages on the grill, ensuring the perfect sear every time
My encounter idea is that a group of goblins raids the settlement, stealing meat, ale, and the Silver Spatula, spurning the characters to retrieve it and save the BBQ
Maybe a quick social/combat encounter in the Halfling settlement, a bit of exploration to find the goblin cave, and once they reach the end they find a very hungry Ogre flipping fresh Halfling burgers on a grill
Just looking for any tips or ideas for things i could do mechanically or even any funny NPC ideas :) what would you do?
Edit: The pc will be lvl3-5 with the wizard npc follower, maybe another halfling with a frying pan as a martial

Gonna be running a oneshot for a girl tonight, they’ve finished BG3 multiple times but never played DND so I figured I’d try a lighthearted oneshot set in a parody of the shire
Their character idea is that of a young noblewoman cast out by their family as latent wild magic abilities become apparent
Her character will then journey to find another outcast family member, an eccentric old wizard that’s her grandfather.
The wizard has taken up residence in a cosy halfling settlement, helping the locals with minor enchantments and is soon to be celebrating his Eleventy First birthday
As the party preparations are underway, there’s a big BBQ/cookout going on and the head chef is using an enchanted Silver Spatula to flip burgers and sausages on the grill, ensuring the perfect sear every time
My encounter idea is that a group of goblins raids the settlement, stealing meat, ale, and the Silver Spatula, spurning the characters to retrieve it and save the BBQ
Maybe a quick social/combat encounter in the Halfling settlement, a bit of exploration to find the goblin cave, and once they reach the end they find a very hungry Ogre flipping fresh Halfling burgers on a grill
Just looking for any tips or ideas for things i could do mechanically or even any funny NPC ideas :) what would you do?
Edit: The pc will be lvl3-5 with the wizard npc follower, maybe another halfling with a frying pan as a martial