I haven’t drank since January of 2018. Used to drink a 5th of whisky every night along with a few beers. Did that for about 4 years until my health deteriorated so much to the point where I could no longer hold anything down without vomiting immediately after. Went to a detox center for 4 days and had withdrawals like crazy. Stayed sober for 6 months and then relapsed back to the same amount I was previously drinking. That lasted about another 6 months before I had gone back to detox and decided I really needed to quit. That was January 2018. It’s now May 2024 and I haven’t had a drink in those 6+ years. In those 6 years, a lot has happened. My father died suddenly from SJS/TEN. Worst thing I’ve ever seen. That was February 2019. I met a woman who is now my fiancé and mother of our 3 year old daughter. We have built a life together. But severe depression and anxiety has taken over me as of recently. The past year or so. And now all I think about is getting drunk or suicide. Idk what to do. The overwhelmingly obvious answer is to just continue to abstain from alcohol but I am so bored and unhappy with life right now that I can’t stop thinking about how much fun and joy I used to get from drinking. It made me feel so good in the moment until morning came around. I’m slowly losing the strength to stay sober. I even bought beer the other night with intent to drink it. But I still have not. Idk why I write so much here. Sorry.

I am quitting drinking. I want to wake up on my 29th birthday proud of something. It will be the first time in 7 years I have gone skipped drinking more than a week. I am not going to be able to taper, but I figure one of 2 things will happen and they will both be good -- a) I will make it thru fine, b) I will have to medical detox and it won't matter because both will get me to my goal. I drank 5-6 drinks per night (standard drinks per medical literature and 6 is on the outer limit), but it was every night for 7 years more or less. It is probably going to hurt, but I am ready.
I am so excited to see where this takes me health wise!
Please advise of any warning signs where I need to go to the hospital?
Male 6'00" 28M 190LBS

I am quitting drinking. I want to wake up on my 29th birthday proud of something. It will be the first time in 7 years I have gone skipped drinking more than a week.
I am not going to be able to taper, but I figure one of 2 things will happen and they will both be good -- a) I will make it thru fine, b) I will have to medical detox and it won't matter because both will get me to my goal.
I drank 5-6 drinks per night (standard drinks per medical literature and 6 is on the outer limit), but it was every night for 7 years more or less.
It is probably going to hurt, but I am ready.

I am quitting drinking. I want to wake up on my 29th birthday proud of something. It will be the first time in 7 years I have gone skipped drinking more than a week.
I am not going to be able to taper, but I figure one of 2 things will happen and they will both be good -- a) I will make it thru fine, b) I will have to medical detox and it won't matter because both will get me to my goal.
I drank 5-6 drinks per night (standard drinks per medical literature and 6 is on the outer limit), but it was every night for 7 years more or less.
It is probably going to hurt, but I am ready.

My Q is my Mom. She’s been drinking since before I was born 25 years ago, she’s 53.
It’s destroyed her life. She was in and out of my childhood (my dad had custody and my grandmas/aunts were amazing in raising me). She’s been in probably 50+ rehabs (when I was 19 she spent two years bouncing around “the best of the best” rehabs in Florida but it didn’t help) and correctional facilities and jail.
I purchased a home 2 years ago and let her stay twice. The second time worse than the first and I made a clear boundary I would help her with other things but she could never ever stay at my house again.
Well, she got kicked out of another halfway house sometime last week for drinking when she was 2 days out of a 14 day detox/rehab, assuming she lost her job again, and is now at a hotel. She somehow made it back there from a hospital today and idk why or how she was at the hospital. I haven’t talked directly to her she texted me and I spoke to 2 aides at a hospital. I feel bad that I am not helping her and I know she’s out there alone drinking doing this to herself. But I also know that bringing her to my house won’t stop her behavior or help her and I can’t force her into a detox. And I’m not qualified to take care of her problems I just worry so much about her and don’t know what to do.
I feel even worse because people in my life tell me things like I should help her bc she’s family/blood but it’s just not that simple.

Background: 30 yo male. 10 years of drinking with the last 2-3 being really bad. Mostly a solo drinker. Lots of medical detoxes over the last year. Lots of benzos. Seesawing between benzos, Gabapentin and drinking which recently, led me to the hospital.
5 weeks sober and I relapsed Tuesday and today. The .75mg Ativan yesterday is relevant as well.
I’m trying to understand all the little bits that led me to giving in this time. I realize I’ve associated my apartment, neighborhood, certain people with drinking. I removed myself from that environment for the time being but I still need to go back there.
How do I go about dissociating my home with alcohol use? Drinking, trying to get out of it, withdrawals, drinking despite me hating it is a big bundle of trauma tied to that place. I know it’s ultimately up to me but I’m wondering if anyone has some input.

I just made a self referral for alcohol abuse treatment today. I have been consuming a fifth of tequila every single day for a few months. Monday I stopped drinking altogether and had a panic attack while driving when the withdrawals started to kick in.
After pulling to the side with my blinkers on, I sat there hyperventilating and trembling, unable to recognize my surroundings or remember how to get home. I managed to safely get myself home (should have got a ride) and had some liquor to stop the shaking.
Yesterday I stopped again for a trip I have been planning for months now. On the plane before takeoff I had the same episode. The attendant allowed me to go into the bathroom where I puked my guts out then I was let off the plane at the gate.
Got a taxi ride home and had to put my head out of the window like a dog to keep from vomiting in the car.
After puking up every bit of water I had been sipping since then, I went to the health clinic to get official treatment.
Reading all the horror stories of what other alcoholics went through in their detox, the deaths by cardiac arrest, sudden seizures, and hallucinations is really scaring me. I wanted to handle it on my own but it definitely looks like something that needs medical oversight.
Tomorrow is when the “serious” withdrawals tends to surface from other peoples’ experiences and I will be in a treatment facility.
For now I am just staying around other people so they can call 911 if I seize or have cardiac arrest. The anxiety is driving me crazy.
How severe were your withdrawals when you stopped drinking?

Okay, I’m 25f and have been drinking 6-12 airplane bottles of vodka pretty much daily for the last year or so. I went to an inpatient rehab for like 6 days and detoxed. I was feeling great when I left.
A few days after I got out…. I drank 4 drinks in the afternoon. I felt fine. I went to bed that night around 11pm and felt sober.
I woke up around 3am to my heart POUNDING. I was sweating, twitching. Every time I tried to go back to sleep I’d twitch so hard it woke me back up. My heart rate wouldn’t come down. I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror and had tunnel vision. I was terrified. I had a flutter in my chest. I was shaking, and had this AWFUL sense of impending doom. I was so scared I walked to the hospital down the street by myself at 4am.
They helped me out and let me know I was in physical withdrawal. Before this, I’d NEVER felt physical withdrawal. Only a bit of anxiety if I didn’t drink. The doc told me every time I drank again after this, these symptoms would be WORSE. I was scared straight. After some fluids and a small dose of a benzo, I felt better. I went home, slept. Haven’t drank since. I’m in an IOP program, back to work, and feel motivated again.
I never EVER wanna feel like that again. If the rehab had warned me that I’d feel like that if I drank, I would have NEVER done it. Don’t ever wanna feel like that again!

Im 40, with a BMI over 40, and high cholesterol. It looks like my PA requires 6 months of comprehensive weight loss program before approval (which is ridiculous based on my age, weight and previous ongoing attempts to lose weight). I do have proof of subscribing to Noom back in October but never really got into it (honestly it seemed very basic and obvious - drink more water - wow, eat vegetables). I wouldn’t have kept it except it was free with my insurance. I also have proof of subscribing to a calorie/ Meal tracker but I’m hit or miss with tracking with that too. Frankly i just want to be normal and not spend my entire life thinking about and planning food. I can eat exactly the same or less than others and still gain wait. Anyway, How exactly is my insurance going to want to verify this comprensive program and what does that even mean? Any success stories or tips appreciated. I have CareFirst with prescriptions through CVS Caremark if that matters.

Hi there, my mother is an alcoholic and has been for the past 14 years. It led to her recent divorce with my father and as of very recently, landed her in a medical detox program and rehab center after we finally confronted her behavior with an intervention.
Long story short, she got out last week and my little sister has been staying with her since. According to my sister, she’s started a new outpatient program, but it only goes from 9-12 and my sister, whose also been in outpatient for an ED, says hers always went until 3.
In the past, my mom pretended to get sober by attending a 10-day “detox” program and immediately went back to her old ways upon getting out. My sisters and I are worried she is going to repeat this behavior, and I am thinking about talking to her about sharing information about her program and sponsor so I can verify it’s real.
Is this an appropriate course of action? I don’t want to do something that would upset her but also I don’t trust her at all, and if she’s going to start drinking again I don’t want my little sister in the house with her. I think it’s fair of me to ask that she tell us about the program, especially since we told her if she starts drinking again we are stopping contact with her (she’s been emotionally abusive over the years). Am I right in thinking this or being paranoid? My own therapist says I need to stop feeling responsible for her sobriety, but as the eldest I do feel I need to protect my sister if she’s going to start lying again.
Thanks for any advice at all. Just need someone to weigh in.

For anyone who has been following, I've been sharing everything I've learned about living well with Chiari without surgery to this sub for the past few weeks. Here are links to previous posts:
Living Well With Chiari - Without Surgery
Take a Life Inventory
Reducing Triggers
The next step for me was Improving My Overall Health. Living well with Chiari starts with living well everywhere else.
Meditation:
If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times. Meditation is good for you. It’s not a woo woo thing. It’s a creative thing.
My first real experience with meditation was with Dr. Joe Dispenza. His book You Are the Placebo was the catalyst that started me down another road--one that didn’t involve doctors who didn’t know what to do with me, and reliance on prescription medication.
The catalyst for major change in my life, and my introduction into healing myself.
If you haven’t heard of Dr. Dispenza but you’re at all interested in changing any facet of your life, health, personality, or habits, he’s worth Googling. The guided meditation that accompanied You Are the Placebo was intended to change something about my health by helping me create and connect with the version of health that I wanted to experience instead. Every time the mediation ended, I felt strong, empowered, and hopeful. And I don’t think it’s any coincidence that today I feel (almost) as good as the version I created in my own mind, long before I saw any physical change in my body.
We forget--especially when we are sick and in pain--that we have so much more power over our circumstances and our bodies than we realize. Dr. Dispenza seeks to remind us of who we are and what we are capable of, and show us how to actually change our minds to change our health.
You don’t have to get on board with Dispenza (though you can find his free meditations on Youtube). Admittedly, his work goes deep, and you might not be interested or ready to go there. Any meditation, even sitting for five minutes of quiet breathing is going to help calm your raging thoughts and the body that’s probably feeling too much.

Hydration:
Simple, right? Drink more water. Fluids in a well-hydrated body flow better, and let’s face it—for those of us with crowding at the back of our skulls, flow is vital. Flow is life.

Put Good Stuff In:
Fruits and vegetables
High quality vitamins/supplements—the best you can budget
Detox—naturally with food or with the help of a detox program. I have done Alejandro Junger’s Clean program a few times, and felt amazing afterwards. It’s an easy to follow program outlined in his book Clean. You don’t need to buy the food/supplements from him (I didn’t) but that used to be an option—not sure if it still is. I also use the supplement Clean Slate by Root.
Juice—and not the kind out of a bottle. Juice your own fruits and vegetables for a nutrient bomb to your cells. Check out the documentary Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead if you want to see how beneficial fresh juice can be.
Smoothies—some would argue it’s better than juicing because with smoothies you keep the fiber. I like them because they are a great way to get nutrients into my body quickly.

Limit the Bad Stuff:
This should be a no-brainer, but it’s very easy to get caught up in habits and not as easy to change them.
Prior to the Chiari diagnosis, I smoked for a few years. I’m not proud of it, but there you have it. As soon as the Chiari pain started—which was triggered by coughing—it was easy to quit. I haven’t smoked a cigarette since.
Alcohol was a different story. I have a long, complicated history with alcohol. For part of this journey, red wine actually helped relieve the coughs, and that’s part of why I drank 1-3 glasses every night for years. I kicked that nightly alcohol habit in January 2024…long after it stopped being necessary to keep me from coughing. Now I’ve noticed that if I do partake in a few drinks, the Chiari wakes the fuck up with a roar. It honestly takes the fun out of a cocktail! I had to be several months out of that habit, though, to realize how much better I felt on a daily basis without it.

Essential Oils:
I know, I know, they aren’t for everyone. But they’ve helped me so much that I will post separately outlining how I use them with Chiari.
Enzymes:
I debated mentioning this because I know they won’t be available for everyone. Since they do play a significant role in my overall health, it wouldn’t be right not to talk about them.
The enzymes I’m referring to are made by Loomis, a company that specializes in enzymes for nearly every organ and system in the human body. The catch? You need to order them through Loomis practitioners. Until a few years ago, I happened to work for one. If you’re interested, you can search for a practitioner near you from the Loomis website.
These aren’t your average digestive enzymes (though the importance of a healthy gut cannot be overstated). Mostly I use certain formulas to help ward off that old familiar foe: the cold bug. Just as I never go a day without essential oils, I never miss a chance to take certain enzymes at the first sign of trouble. And like the oils, they’ve done exactly what I need them to do.

you are capable of more. and there is better for you than the way you probably feel if you found this post.

This is just the beginning. It’s true that nothing changes if nothing changes. And changes—even positive ones—can be hard, especially when living with Chiari can suck the life right out of you.
I feel better. Genuinely better. Most days I don’t experience any symptoms. It’s not magic, but I had to pull myself out of the dark and make some changes. If I can do it, so can you.

• Transphobic video using the word "tr***y"
• Referencing drag queens as clowns
• Doesn't disclose that reviews were really paid ads Edited her body for an Aerie ad, which is a brand that supposedly prides themselves on using real bodies.
• Was blocking and ignoring customers who purchased her Glamlite Paht 2 collection, never received their order, and asked about it. All of this while Glamlite was siphoning stock to CVS and also ignored customer inquiries about their overdue orders.
• Along with CVS, broke their "Beauty Unaltered" pledge by creating a display unit that is obviously filtered of the Trash Goblin’s face.
• Committed fraud by pledging that 50% of the proceeds from the Paht 2 collection would be donated to women's healthcare after the Dobbs decision. When anyone commented to ask about it, they were banned from her socials. This one is the most egregious, as there are people who might have purchased solely based on her pledge. She lied about not getting paid yet to make the donation just as the CVS distribution happened.
• She's myopic and doesn't care about her supporters, as she continually discusses her ED without the common courtesy of a trigger warning like most creators do for subjects like this. Her explanation for why she doesn't give a TW? "It doesn't trigger me, so fuck all of you." She's so disrespectful of Cody's sobriety.
• Does giveaways by making followers jump through engagement hoops to boost her profile but then didn't deliver on the giveaways.
• Begging... BEGGING.. followers on her broadcast channel to drop an emoji as a comment to inflate her engagement rate, as comments are engagement rate gold for getting paid.
• Claims she donates extra product to women's shelters, and then went on Instagram asking for suggestions on where in her area she can donate women's clothes. She's so fucking dense that she either doesn't realize the same places she supposedly donates product to is a good first start, or she outed herself as never donating before like she said she did if she doesn't know where to donate clothes locally.
• She's a terrible brand ambassador, which is on her and DBA. She went on a free Paris trip sponsored by Caudalie, and she shit talked how broken out her skin got on the trip (with the assumption she was using their products and services) and never once really hyped the brand that was paying for her to be there.
• Took money from Briogio for a campaign and at the same time posted videos about her hair falling out. She's so dumb she doesn't realize that she caused a causation comparison.
• She's lying about having clients, paying clients that aren't her friends and family. She is not a MUA or a certified in MA to do makeup.
• She brigades brands who don't do her bidding like a brat. Pottery Barn in the middle of the pandemic had shipping and quality issues. She sent her followers after them and then begged PB for more free stuff.
• She has her friends like HeartofGreg comment on her videos, which she then stiches the comment to review a product. She then takes that video and shops it to the brand to get them to sponsor the video.. and a few weeks later the video resurfaces as partner, paid partnerships, sponsorship.
• Tax fraud when handling gratis, expenses, and giveaways
• Did a giveaway for Chanel bags with Chris Appleton (Color Wow) and the Boston's Children's Hospital, which was against GoFundMe's Terms of Service. She never gave the winners their prize.
• Dogs a brand who sent her free items but then turns around and praises the brand when they pay her (She did it with Essence and KVD).
• Did a bunch of fake "pick out my wedding makeup" when she 100% knew what she was using including the fact that e.l.f. sponsored her wedding as a brand event. She says that's not true, but I can guarantee e.l.f. writes off the expenses they incurred for her wedding as a business expense.
• Lied about her YouTube page being her page. She feverously uploaded videos when she took her 5:19, baby tantrum, pity party break from TikTok but still needed to earn money. She uploaded her TikTok videos to YouTube, lied that it was her channel, and made money. If it wasn't her channel, you know she and DBA would file a cease and desist .. and win it.. to get the channel removed. It's her channel.
• Her filter usage is fraud. Period. There is no debating it. When you are getting paid to review products and apply a filter on your face and body, you are committing fraud. The viewer thinks it's the product making that effect and not really the software engineering team that created the editing app.
• With the PeeeLouish collab, they were caught pre-applying swatches from the P.Louise palette. She's also not really applying makeup in her videos. Cheeks, bronzer, and eyes are being applied off screen and she's swiping a brush making it look like she's applying it. Another sign she can't do professional makeup at all. It's all fake.
• Every ”in the wild” picture that’s not filtered shows the truth.
• She constantly lurks on other creators pages to find commenters to block when they shit talk her. Insecure much? She’ll unblock people to snark them and lurk, then block them again. We know she does this with Rich Lux.
• She supports James Charles. The grifting carnival barker loves the groomer trash.
• Community Contribution: She shits on her estranged half sister to her millions of followers, when all the evidence points to her sister being frozen out of their family at the age of 14. She claims her sister walked out of their lives because she “wasn’t the precious daughter of the family anymore” after Mikayla was born, and also talks badly about her sister for being on disability. Mikayla is an aunt to two girls, but I doubt she’s ever cared nor met them. Her sister also lived and lives right down the road from Mikayla’s parents home.
• She’s a known bully and coming from someone who’s now being regarded as an ED spokesperson. She told her friend that drinking hot chocolate would be “200 very unnecessary calories”, and that she was “just trying to help since you’re trying to lose weight” with that comment. She’s a mean girl, and she always has been.
• She cries about shade range while she brags about being soooo pale (um, really?). She releases collabs that are not inclusive for POC. She then brags about buying out and hoarding darker foundations and concealers to use as bronzers meaning the very little stock available for darker skin tones becomes even more scarce when her idiot stans buy up the product. She also blackfishes.
• She can't admit when she's wrong and aggressively lashes out to those trying to point it out. She called a comb and brush, and when corrected in her comments, she was incredibly rude to her own followers. You know, the people engaging with her content that's paying her mortgage. She is incapable of saying, "oops, my bad." Her integrity is crap for this behavior.
• Just like the above, the unwillingness to admit a simple mistake turned her into an ableist POS. There are those with low vision or no vision who listen to TikToks and rely on accuracy in speech and closed captions. Her "go fuck yourself, bro" attitude when called out about the comb incident made her incredibly ableist.
• She creates rage bait content to generate engagement gold via angry comments. This makes her a carnival barking grifter.
• She begs for engagement on her broadcast channel trying to force things to go viral like "nice and shaaaahhp." It's actually pathetic watching her do this.
• Used a derogatory term used to reference Travelers/Romani people and doubled down on it when people called her out and educated her on the use of the word.
• Lied about creating some Mother's Day shopping spree for a "family in need" saying that when she heard their story, she knew she just had to help. When asked in the comments about the story, she played the, "It's not my story the tell." Come to find out, the story is that the child goes to the school that Mikayla's mom works at. There was a raffle at the school, and one of the prizes was a $500 shopping trip with MikPickMe. The girl's mom paid for 40 entries to win the raffle, and she did. The only reason the shopping was done on Mother's Day was due to conflicting schedules. This was not a shopping spree for a family in need. It was a prize from a raffle that Mikayla's mommy had a hand in.
• MikLieHole took Rael's money and trip and went in days earlier with her emotional support animal, Codypendency, and did meetings with a competitor, Tirtir. Tirtir gifted her a Birkin while in South Korea, too.

Hi all, I know I should be seeking some professional help about this issue if it's worrying me so much, but I am in a foreign country without immediate access to resources, unfortunately.
Okay, so I (28M) had my first psychotic episode about four years ago. I have long been an on/off-again heavy drug user, with opiates being my drug of choice, but I've done other things because I cannot control my opiate use. During the holidays in 2020, I went on a five-day binge of heavy drinking, smoking marijuana, taking Xanax, ketamine, MDMA, and cough syrup with about half a dozen friends. As the bender went on, more and more people stopped coming over, but I just kept going.
Once it was time to get my shit together and get back to work, I had an intense psychotic episode. I am not sure if it is as intense as some folks here have had, but basically, I was seeing my thoughts before they occurred visually. Especially when I closed my eyes. My thoughts would flash really fast and it would not at all, and I ended up not sleeping for about three days. Each day, the symptoms got more intense and I felt that if my sleep deprivation got to a certain point, I would lose my connection to reality. But I also was too afraid to interact with anyone for that entire period and just stayed in my room.
About one year later, I had another episode after I was binging liquor and Xanax hard for a few weeks. But it also was brought on by a falling out with an ex of mine. I locked myself in my apartment for a week and was convinced that she was going to kill me. I didn't sleep for four days straight, and I was convinced that she was turning on lights or tapping on my windows at night. I was having some mild hallucinations, seeing shadows in the corner of my eye. I wanted to try and remain sober through it, but I had a wine collection and thought to myself that if I had a few drinks it could calm me down and help me sleep; however, I had a delusion that drinking would lower my inhibition and I would end up killing myself. It eventually subsided with lingering symptoms, ie, thinking people in public were staring at me or talking about me.
I snapped out of this episode a few days later and then went to a jam session in the city I was living, only to have intense paranoia on stage. My therapist ended up arranging a hospital visit for me, where the psychiatrist there told me that I was having a panic attack and that I was repressing it, leading to physical symptoms, namely my blood pressure being at stroke level. The doctor also did not believe there was any evidence that drugs triggered this episode.
Lastly, about two years ago, after I had begun injecting Oxycodone for a year at that point, I went to detox at my parents house. We got into a bullshit argument (my sister accused me of harassing her, even though I didn't) and my parents, already skeptical of me, kicked me out of their house. I had an intense delusion the entire time and on the way back home that there was a conspiracy against me and that I was destined to die from drugs and had no other choice. (I ended up remaining in active addiction for the next year). I did not have any delusions or delusions such that I could not interact with people.
I recently got treatment over the past year and ended up moving out of the country I was in where drugs were available, and even got engaged. But last week, after some drinking, I had a depressive episode where I was sleeping almost all day for about five days. My fiancee kept trying to talk to me about every half an hour, which started to make me paranoid. I felt like I was reaching a tipping point and losing my grounding with reality and I begged her to please leave me alone, but she wouldn't and refused to. I ended up passing through that phase, and her father, a doctor, prescribed my Prozac, which has really helped my mind and stopped my intrusive thoughts.
I am wondering if my episodes seem like extreme anxiety or are genuine psychosis. I am also wondering if I should be seeking care for this, or if it's just a fluke from heavy drug use. Me and my fiancee are also thinking of moving soon to a country where mental health care is very underdeveloped. I am worried that if I have an episode that she won't be helpful and might even push me over the edge. Any way I can help explain my concerns to her?
TL;DR: I think I might have a deeper mental illness with psychotic episodes but I'm not sure. My partner also doesn't understand what I'm going through.

i am currently 16F, and standing at 155 while 5’6, i’ve gone from like 160 to that in under a week which i thought was a little odd but maybe it’s like detox or something? just a term i saw i’m not sure
recent changes i’ve made is that i have a job now where i’m on my feet for 5 hours straight, in a deficit of 1350, and i’ve been doing cardio a couple times a week. also i’ve been drinking only lemon water and logging all of my food which has made me a lot more aware!!
i don’t really have a large frame and the only thing that bothers me is my stomach, i don’t necessarily want it flat but i would like to thin down in the region - just everything in my torso. eventually id love it to be perfectly flat but i know that’s ultimately up to genetics.
thanks!:)

i am currently 16F, and standing at 155 while 5’6, i’ve gone from like 160 to that in under a week which i thought was a little odd but maybe it’s like detox or something? just a term i saw i’m not sure
recent changes i’ve made is that i have a job now where i’m on my feet for 5 hours straight, in a deficit of 1350, and i’ve been doing cardio a couple times a week. also i’ve been drinking only lemon water and logging all of my food which has made me a lot more aware!!
i don’t really have a large frame and the only thing that bothers me is my stomach, i don’t necessarily want it flat but i would like to thin down in the region - just everything in my torso. eventually id love it to be perfectly flat but i know that’s ultimately up to genetics.
thanks!:)

Chapter 1: the event
It was the fall of my intern year as I bean my off service trauma rotation. This month was ubiquitously notorious for being the most labor intrusive and least productive rotaion of our emergency medicine program. Knowing this I entered with the intention of simply surviving the month.
Another intern and I let’s call them A for sake of ambiguity, we’re the first emergency medicine residents to roste on the trauma services that year. A shaky start would be an understatement. In the words of chance the raper “like my grama with the Parkinson’s playing operation.” Would better describe it. Medically we did well. We were very competent and completed our work daily, but communication and coordination was non existent. Our Cheifs had informed us that Tuesday was our day of and the Trauma cheif residents had minimum communication with us, or our Cheifs as it seams when A and I did not report on Tuesday they sternly made their dissatisfaction known.
I have struggled with insomnia sense the age of 10. Had 2 sleep studies by this point in my life and been prescribed nearly every sleeping aid on the market. The 80-94 hr work weeks of our trauma rotaion only worsened my insomnia. My lack of sleep likely contributed to a less than prime adaptive immune system and 2 days out of my trauma rotaion I contracted strep like symptoms with associated nausea, requiring me to call for a sick day the next day. No the first day that I felt too ill to work. I was not fully aware of the reporting process. I reported to my Chiefs, but I did not believe I could come to work tomorrow with amble time and notice, however I was somewhat delayed in letting their Cheifs know, because the surgical chiefs rotated every few days and I did not know who my was going to be the next day. The second day which I had to call out sick I was able to locate the cheif for the next day and reprot according to our university’s protocol, which requires that if a resident feels they are not fit for work they must not come in and the university must have staff coverage without any fear or implementation of punitive actions.
I had finally survived to the last week of my trauma rotaion and I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. What I could not see was the pile of stress, shitty diet, lack of mental well ness and sleep deprivation which I was pushing down to reach the light. By this time I had seen a psychiatrist regularly for sleep medication. I had mentioned to him that I had been experiencing more stressed lately and feel that I might be depressed. he reassured me that it was likely only due to my circumstances, given the difficulty of the trauma rotation and wish to reassess once the rotation was over. Looking back I had to fill the habit of drinking more than I usually do. My only on nights before I have days off became 1-2 beers every other night. All of this repressed unhealthy shit finally pushed bad on September 23rd. That night I was at work even later than usual, I stayed up later than usual and couldn’t seem to fall asleep. With the stress of only having minimal sleep and knowing I only had 2 more days of trauma left, I took an extra dose of my sleeping medication.
I opened my eyes to the fighting sight of sun beaming in my window and I instantly knew I was late. (Sense I hadn’t seen the sun in a month) . Due to my need for scrupulous sleep hygiene I have been sleeping with my phone of and away for me. I rushed to grab it and watched as the little Apple logo seamed to glow on the screen for an eternity. Then in conjunction with its fading I saw 3 missed calls from my director, a text from college A and 2 missed calls from the surgical director. Still, I was able to calm myself, knowing that resident A had been late to this rotation by a few hours 2 other days and nothing came of it. I called my director back and he asked me to report to his office where I was greeted by my director, my coordinator and another emergency medicine facility.
With the only explanation of: “we just want you to get better”, I was handed a letter, to my relief it did not entail my termination, but a declaration of administrative leave and a requirement to undergo an evaluation at a well known university in Florida.
Lake any other savvy millennial, I did my research. By research I mean numerous google searches and screeches thru the depts of redit. To my dismay I discovered that in order for a residency program to fire you, they must first initiate an administrative suspension. I would soon find out however, being terminated would have been a delightful outcome compared to what ensued.
I spend the next few weeks in the wallos of regret and depression. I indulged in higher qualities of alchohol then I ever have before. I all but ceased communing with peers, and abruptly stoped any physical activity I had once enjoyed. Frightened as I was I was ensured, it will be ok “we just want you to get better”
Chapter 2 The evaluation : guilty until proven innocent I did exactly as instructed and scheduled an evaluation, I supposed that this was either a mental evaluation to assess if I’m fit for work with plans of termination or it actually was an evaluation to better treat my insomnia. To this day I regret my ignorance, and wish I had researched the process more. The Hindi / sand-skrt idea of Hamsa 🪬 is that in order to do any good you must have full knowledge or else good intentions can result in harm. I truely believe my director had good intentions, however but him and I did not have full knowledge of the nature of this evaluation.
Looking back see how easily I could have avoided my troubles by asserting legal aid at this point or even by researching this evaluation process more in depth. If one searches impaired practitioner program which I now know this evaluator works for, the search entire will populate 5 or 6 layferms along side their home website and there is a valid reason for this.
If one every finds themself in this process I employ you to bring a DSM to your evaluation or at least be familiar with the most common use disorders in the DSM-5, because your evaluation will turn into a dance of questions where the evaluator attempts to trap you in a round about way to stating something that may qualify for one of the diagnosis. I have provided an image from the DSM-5 below outlining AUD, which the evaluator concluded that I had the most severe from:
Image
Example***** Here are 10 examples of how he fraudulently assessed me taken directly from his assessment note.

1. Evaluator: Have you ever stoped drinking in the last year.

Me: yes I stoped every week day, I was only drinking on the weekends, until two weeks ago.
-Evaluator uses stoping and starting every week to qualify for 2 or more unsuccessful attempts to stop in the last year “There is a persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control alcohol use.”

1. Evaluator Have you ever had withdrawal symptoms

Me no
Evaluator Well Have you ever had a hangover? You know that’s a from of acute withdrawal
Me: yes in college, I had a few but that was years ago and I’m pretty sure the pathophysiology is different.
Evaluator uses this to count for withdrawal symptoms even tho is was more than a year ago

1. Evaluator: Have you even taken your sleeping medication on a day or night which you drank? Me: Yes, I took my prescriptions are prescribed but I never drank close to bed

Evaluator: qualified this as dangerous behavior with alcohol (where the DSM gives examples such as unprotected sex and drunk driving). The sleeping medication I was on is not a benzodiazepine therefore it is not deadly with alcohol. I personally have seen many patients in the ED who have taken their entire bottle of the medication and drank copious amounts, we just monitor them over night and rehydrate them

1. Evaluator Has anyone told you you drink to much or been worried about you Me: No I drink much less than my friends

Evaluator what about your girlfriend? Me: well she actually doesn’t drink at all she doesn’t like it. She often buys me beer for The Weeknd’s tho. One time we went to a movie and she got a little irritated because I waited for beer then complained about them not having any craft beer. So she said, “you couldn’t have just said no” and drank something else. However, she apologized after and said it’s worth waiting if it’s my only day off.
Evaluator said this qualifies for continued drinking despite causing significant relation consequences, ie divorce.

1. Evaluator : you have sleep issues I hear, and your chart says you’ve had depression in the past, don’t you know that alcohol can effect your sleep and mood Me: yes that’s why I never drink within 3 hours of sleep.

Evaluator but you knew this and still drank
Evaluator: qualifies for drinking despite unwanted physical or psychological effects (this should be recurring to effects the alcohol is causing, I have had insomnia sense the age of 10 long before I took my first sip)
7 evaluator you were late for work and told my you had a drink the day before
Me: Yes but I was late because I didn’t sleep and took double my sleeping meds, I will never do that again
Qualifies for 2 significant work or school issues in the past year ( a therapist and other psychologist ensured me that being late on or a few days doesn’t count they typically are getting fired or failing) ( moreover, this would assume I was late do to drinking it’s self and also assume if happened more than once)

1. • Alcohol is often taken in larger amounts or over a longer period than was intended

He never once asked anything related to this question yet said I qualified in his final report 9. A great deal of time is spent in activities necessary to obtain alcohol, use alcohol, or recover from its effects. The evaluators logic here was sense I was late for work and I had 2 beers the day before I must be taking long to recover from it (this is assuming I missed due to alcohol)

1. Tolerance drinking more to require the same effect: this he checked as true in his final note however it was never even discussed in our evaluation. I did mention to him that I’ve been drinking more than I had earlier in the year frequency wise, but they said nothing to do with quantity or needing more.
   
2. Wanting to drink so bad you can not think of anything else: this is the only qualification of SAUD my evaluator said I did not have.
   

Moreover, without legal help I was not aware that I could obtain a second evaluation or even oppose going to get evaluated at all, but that wouldn’t have mattered seeing I still thought this was for my health and wellbeing as seen when I was asked why do you think you are here to today, to which I replayed “so that I can be evaluated to see what is needed to get back to work”.
To maks the ordeal more infuriating the evaluator continues to ingratiate himself and lie through the process telling you, “it will be fine as long as you are 100% honest”, “anything you say in here is between you and me” or “you slipped up once with your meds, I know your residnecy program they will probably just want a few more out patient tests”
Two weeks later I received a phone call right before I left for an out of state vacation to visit my nice for her birthday. During the call I was informed that I would be required to complete a partial hospitalization program (PHP) lasting “6-10 weeks” which would coast from 15-50 grand not including doctor visits or housing which is billed separately. I suppressed this inconvenience, enjoyed my vocation and reported when I returned, knowing that I must complete this soon so I may return to work with due to the fact that my payed time off would soon be diminished. At this time I had not yet heard of the organization PRN.
Chapter 3 Guilty till proven innocent: The diagnosis
Shell shocked I arrived to a in patient psychiatric unit and was rapidly cleared to progress to treatment without detoxification. During my 90 day of forced rehabilitation I met a few other individuals who were unjustly and fraudulently forced into treatment. I began to look up to one of these such members of the men’s community, who I will refer to as patient X for ambiguity sake.
Unlike me patient X did have alcohol use disorder. He spent many clinic days drinking to avoid alcoholic withdraws. The curious component of his story is that he admitted his depravity, saught help and through his own journey became sober. The bodies at be, namely his local physician, Health monitoring program, rejected his personal path to sobriety and forced him to undergo 90 days of in patient treatment before he could practice medicine again. When he checked in to rehab he had been sober for over a year.
Ask for Stories of people from online
As for me I spend many sleepless nights pondering how consuming a legal substance in a moderate amount could throw me into significant legal financial issues. My labs my toxicology, my story and my collateral from colleagues from colleagues all indicated light to moderate alcohol use but my evaluators word stood as the word of God.
More frightening was the director of this rehabs acknowledgment of this. The director who happens to also coincidentally be the evaluator, stated to me as well as to staff on multiple occasions: “ I suggest inpatient treatment for everyone who is reported”. “This is safer for me not to miss anyone who could harm patients, and I figure there must be a reason someone reported them.”
I am still elucidating the reason why I was determined guilty and proven innocent, however I can say from my 90 day stent that the majority of the patients at this rehab needed to be there. This program is saving lives of both providers and patients, however it is destroying the lives of those wrongfully accused.
Chapter 4 your lisense rehab or jail : Upon arivil I was sent to a detox hospital underwent a medical examination and was “one of the lucky ones” who required no detoxification and could report directly to PHP. Like everyone else, I spent 90 days in a PHP, being as 6-10 weeks is simply a lie they tell patients to decrease the change of resisting the treatment. When discussing the topic one therapist sated “if we told patients 90 days they would never come.” She then attempted to justify the treatment by outlining the story of a patient she had called who “didn’t make it to treatment” and killed themselves”. It is my belief that it is not the lack of PHP which impelled such professionals to take their life, but them realizing that they now will be obliged to undergo 90 days of PHP, 5 years of PRN monitoring with a loss of autonomy and hundreds of thousands of dollars taken from them that induced their hopelessness. For even if these professionals were truly mentally unstable in their addictions, in every case it was only following a phone call where they were informed they must undergo treatment that they took their life’s. By this time I still haven’t the slightest clue what PRN was.
Despite the security these programs provide for many my 6 main issues with them can be summarized in : 1. Kick backs: evaluators are directors of treatment clinics 2. The reported are guilty till proven innocent 3. The price, the overflow of money these places drag in from both patients and state universities is appalling, they charge separately for every visit and test 4. Although they make the claim that they are individualized, they are anything but. Every patient gets the same stay and treatment from the doctor drunk on the job and the one who was late to a shift 5. They force voluntary treatment. remember that friendly evaluator who promised he had your best interest at heart, so you opened up and told him everything about your substance use/ developmental / family history, well if you don’t stay for 90 days he will be “normally obliged” to tip the board of medical off to you.

1. The programs have overstepped their intended jurisdiction. -these programs work well if they function how they were intended at their inception. Cite original purpose. Originally these programs were designed to protect physicians and civilians from impaired practitioners; being healthcare workers who were impaired at work. Over the years, these organizations have extended their authority to encompass individuals with substance use disorders When not at work and also those who are in training to become healthcare professionals. Take for example myself compared to a physician who is impaired at work. A doctor who arrived for duty under the influence would surely benifit from the extensive testing, therapy and accountability enforced via these programs. In accordance the 20,000$ per year cost is appropriate when only making up roughly 7% of their yearly salary vs nearly half of a residents. In my case with my loss of income from employment, coast of treatment and monitoring, this year I will be required to pay 20,000$ to work. Yes, I will be losing money to work. Even if did indeed have a substance use disorder this level of monitoring wouldn’t not be considered appropriate.

Dispite all of the miscomings of this System My time spend in PHP was indeed helpful, as I believe it would be for anyone. Time for exercise, a reprieve from work and weekly counseling. A sample structure of my day to day schedule is provided below for insight:
Structure The general structure of these rehabitation centers is as follows: 1. One week of orientation phase, where you are not allowed in electronics or contact with the outside world world. Therefore, if you’re going, bring some things you would like to read or study. 2. In phase 2, you can use your phone however you cannot leave campus. You must stay in the dorm on campus. These shitty 1 room run down apartments with two other roommates will cost you about $1000 a week, they are required for at least four weeks and they are billed separately, no insurance will help you out here. 3. In phase 3 you can commute to campus if you beg your therapist and live very close. Whether you’re on campus or living off-campus, you are allowed to leave up to four hours per day. If you commute, you’ll be required to take a sober link decide you must Breath, alcohol test into every 6 hours. Like everything else in this program you must pay for this separately, a few hundred dollars a week. You advanced to other phases by completing assignments, however, assignments are limited by required built-in time, intrusive, scheduling, and reviewing. Therefore, if you do everything as rapidly as possible phase 1 will take one week phase 2 will take three weeks.
Every day schedule:
7:30: wake up, report to the front desk to inform them that you haven’t ran away yet and take and prescribed medications. They keep all your medications and require that you report to take them; for me this was antidepressants in an attempt to dispel the depression I contracted from being forced into treatment and whatever off label medication they were attempting to treat my ADHD with, since control medications were forbidden.
8 am: community group assessments This consisted of other patients presenting their assignments amongst the large group, on the weekends this was often an hour later and 12 study regularly took the place of assignment presentation.
10 am: process group. This was a two hour group therapy session with 6 to 12 other professionals in a therapist and training or occasionally a licensed mental health therapist.
1 pm: recreation This was generally about an hour of some sober themed craft or activity. Once a week this time slot was used for yoga.
2 pm: this was another time slot used for patients to present assignments as well as for individual therapy sessions. Each patient had one individual therapy session lasting 30 minutes per week.
3pm: This was time allotted to work on assignments or go to the gym on your sex specific scheduled gym day.
5pm: this time was used for guest speakers or another 12 step study group.
6 pm : this was generally an off-campus 12 step group
10 pm: report to the front desk and let them know you still haven’t ran away and take and Medication which are prescribed to take at night, then return to your cot bed in your room with 1-2 other roommates.
I found the community to be one of the most beneficial aspects of the PHP program. I was in a cohort of chill ass professionals of the same occupation who were always there to help each other.
Assignments The curriculum of the PHP consisted of assignment based on every step of the 12th step program. Generally, a patient would be required to complete an assignment on their own, review it with other patients, then faculty and finally present the assignment in front of the whole treatment group. You’re only given one assignment at a time and there are multiple steps to each which all requires scheduling this ensures that no matter how determined a patient is a full 90 days of treatment is required to complete all the assignments.
AA structure -the obsolete nature of AA has been verified in numbers studies, but I will refrain from divulging here and lend that endeavor to Dr. Lance Dodes very thorough discussion on the subject,in “the sober truth “
In all sincerity, if I truely did have a severe use disorder this experience could have been life saving. I only wish I could have used my 50 grand for someone who has spent their life time In addictive without reprieve. My first conversation when I was given my phone back was how I wish my father could be able to attend this PHP.
Chapter 5 reporting and PRN Self reporting What they ask you What you should tell them
There’s a third-party agency called professional resource network. Every state has their own. This agency works as a liaison between you and whatever credentialing service your occupation requires. Essentially they ensure your monitoring after treatment. Stake governments and licensing boards trust them, mainly because they monitor with the highest level of intrusiveness. This alleviates much work for state governments and licensing boards because once an individual is being monitored by a professional resource network, then they are deemed appropriate for duty and no further investigation/litigation needs to occur, as long as the monitored individual completely complies.
Because I was never impaired at work I was never reported to this agency. The general workflow of things someone would report you to professional resource network, then the resource network would contact you, and then you would be required to report for an evaluation at a treatment center, which would inevitably result in a suggestion I’ve treatment at that given treatment center. In my case I was sent to the treatment center without PRN being involved. Thus, two weeks into treatment. I was notified by my therapist that I needed to call PRN and self report. I attempted to resistance given that I did not have a problem and was not individually seeking help. I asked what happened if I didn’t self report. I was told that in order to stay in the treatment program I had to report to PRN. This meant either I report to PRN or I get kicked out of the treatment program and lose my job.
When you report to PRN they will ask you why you are in treatment. They will then list off every substance imaginable, asking you if you have ever tried the substance and when your last use was. Ultimately, they will obtain your discharge information from your treatment center, so it is in your best interest to report only what was found in your biochemical testing. If it wasn’t in your hair, I would argue that you don’t have a use disorder regarding that substance and it’s not relevant. I don’t believe it’s important for them to know that you smoked weed when you were 12.
Chapter 6 The contract:
Before being discharged from a treatment facility, a professional resource network will have you sign a contract. A little known fact which I was oblivious to is that contracts can be negotiated. Though this isn’t it possible, it is highly improbable that you can negotiate your contract since PRN has a power to delay your clearance to return to work.
Contractor almost never personalized, and I have not heard of a contract which is not a five-year agreement. You will sign releases of information so that PRN has access to all of your information which was gathered at the treatment facility. You must have a therapist, psychiatrist, primary care, doctor, and a addiction, medicine psychiatrist. You assign releases of information for all of them. You will be required To commit to: 1. three mutual aid meetings a week which you must log. I log smart recovery meetings. 2. Weekly therapy sessions with an approved mental health therapist from their list 3. Monthly doctors appointments with an addiction medicine psychiatrist 4. Yearly appointments with a primary care physician 5. Monthly appointments with a psychiatrist 6. Daily check-ins on a random drug testing app ( you will agree to weekly urine tests, a peth test 4 times a year, a hair test twice a year and a little caveat that says anything else they deem, clinically reasonable) 7. Quarterly update reports which you are required to obtain from a workplace monitor, therapist, addiction, medicine, psychiatrist, primary care physician and any other doctor you are seeing. 8. You must upload all of your prescriptions into a mobile application every single time you get them refilled and are not allowed to take them until they are approved. 9. Attendance of a PRN group via zoom. This is a local group you are assigned along with other monitored practitioners. There is a fee of roughly 130$ a month to attend this required group. For me all of these requirements coast around 20,000 a year. If you ever have a positive test even if it is the result of contamination from rubbing alcohol or unintentional ingestion of alcohol/ allergy medication your contract will rest to 5 years from the time of positive test. Once your five year contract is completed, you must ask to be released from monitoring. At that point they will search for any reason to keep you under monitoring. This could be dilute urines, daily check ins or a week where you did not attend mutual aid meetings. Every certification and license which you apply for will likely ask you if you were under a monitoring program/ have been treated for substance use. You must give an explanation and check yes. As far as licensing programs are concerned, if you were under the monitoring of PRN, you are safe, however they group practitioners who have had behavioral issues with practitioners who were diverting drugs from work. Therefore, keep in mind that you will be labeled as a sever addict.
7 Back to work and only work. During treatment your only goal is to return to work, however when you return your experience will be drastically distinct from what you remember. For me, I was now working in isolation. Missing six months of my training meant that no other Resident was on the same rotation as me. My coworkers at all formed friend groups. When I returned I was greeted with much concern for my well being. No one would speak to be about my absence, however everyone knew there is only one reason a resident would leave for 6 months then return. My Accdeemic meetings were consisting of attending telling me “I have a target on my back now” and “ I have to preform even better than others” in the light of my time missed. If this wasn’t alienating enough, the majority of Resident events, sponsored by recruiters and my university revolved around alcohol to which I had to give some excuse to why I can not partake with others. I’m fortunate that I do not have an addiction, because these stressful conditions along with the daunting amount of dead and requirements imposed by PRN are enough to make any addict relapse. While I was at treatment, I was in the dative with Samyr stories a physicians whose addictions got the best of them. Physicians who did not make it to treatment, often taking their own life. These stories were presented as a warning. Your addictions will kill you without our treatment was the message. When, in reality I did not hear one story in which the addiction killed physician. Every physician who didn’t make it to treatment took their life after being told they must report to a treatment facility. Perhaps they knew what this entailed and it was not their addiction or getting caught which caused them to end their lives, but the unmanageable and often unreasonable burden that treatment would put on their lives.
9 How to escape So your fucked your in PRN and should be or you should and now your recovered and want to terminated your contract.

1. You ask to be released early done at 1/2 time ( good luck)
2. You have “good reason” (no one has ever been let out of contract because of this reason, the verbiage is far too vague)
3. You serve all your time and they let you out(maybe, as discussed earlier, they would do everything they can to keep you in your contract as long as your practicing)
4. You can’t practice medicine anymore

10 Layer up butter cup : I cannot emphasize the extent to which legal help is required in this process. You much seek it and seek it early. Lawyers can provide many avenues to you early in the process. Once you have committed to treatment, gone for evaluation or are in a PRN contract , this is very little that you or legal help can do. Spend a few thousand dollars when you are accused and save the 20-30,000 later.
After you have been evaluated if you disagree as I did, then this is the process you must undergo. 1. Hire a occupation, defense, lawyer 2. Prove you don’t have an addiction, this is done by having an alternative evaluator with similar credentials state that either you don’t have an addiction or that PRN’s level of monitoring is not medically appropriate ( this will need to be a multi day neuropsychological evaluation, which will cost about $5000). 3. Your lawyer must draft in writing that the medical level of monitoring is not required such as another medical professional and send this to PRN 4. PRN will tattle on you to the board of medicine. 5. The board of medicine will conduct an investigation. 6. At the end or when they believe they have enough reasonable evidence to the board of medicine will suspend your license or claim, you must comply with the PRN contract to practice. 7. At this time your lawyer will defend you in the state court against the board. This is costly but much less than the coast of a 5 year PRN contract 8. If you win you will likely suggest an alternative level of care such as gonna get therapy every week. If you lose, than you wasted a fuck ton of money and are still bound by your PRN contract.
Overall this entire process has coast me Over all coast:
My finances for this year only including PRN and rent are as follows:
120-200$ every week for testing 480-800/ month
65 every week for therapy 195/month
125 every month for PRN group
About 50-69 every month for 2 doctor apts
So at least 745$/month at the lowest
Treatment at the recovery center coast 20,000 for me out of pocket and
I wasn’t payed for 6 months with no FMLA because I am a first year. At the 1 year mark I will have made 26,000 this year after taxes And payed About 29,000 on PRN alone
Rent is 1,000 so that’s 12,000 a year
Just in rent and PRN alone I will be at 26,000- 41,600 -15,600.
I will be in debt by at least 18,000 at the 1 year mark
Coast of treatment center 20,000 (with insurance) For each year of PRN roughly 20,000 Add that to 6 months of attending salary which was delayed due to my treatment time: at least 150,000 Layer coasts along with other evaluations 25,000 Missing 6 months of residency pay 30,000 Coast of 1 year in monitoring: 245,000 Coast of 5 years 325,000
If my case progress to a trail I will require an extra 20,000 in court coasts
Chapter 11 My secondary eval: Dr sushi After I arrived at my treatment center I challenge my evaluation multiple times. Each and every time I was discharged and often accused of alternate mental health/ substance abuse issues to discourage my advances. I was never given the opportunity to undergo alternative assessment, however PRN guidelines state that you can obtain a second option within 7 days of your first. This is a mute point, however, because you will not receive the results of your evaluation until over a week after it is conducted and the second evaluation must be conducted by another PRN hired evaluator of their choosing. During my stay in rehab I contacted PRN multiple times to attempt another evaluation/ legal help. They warned against both stating they were a “waste of money” and “pointless”.
After completing my treatment with the guidance of many addiction, experienced physicians, mental health counselors and psychiatrists recommendations I sought in a secondary evaluation. I chose a highly qualified professional with over 30 years of experience to conduct an extensive neuo psycho social evaluation of me. One that I was sure would be more extensive than the evaluation I received at treatment and more importantly an unbiased evaluation.
The results from my evaluation not only showed that I did not have a substance abuse problem warranting PRN level monitoring, but also that PRN was falling to allow adequate treatment of other conditions such as my ADHD. My evaluation showed my ADHD was not only untreated by PRNs attempt at using non controlled medication, but also in the top 3% most severe presentations of ADHD. My evaluator went on to explain my results by questioning why my treatment center even mandated I undergo neuro cognitive evaluation. The only neurodiverse findings were my IQ, my dyslexia and my ADHD. However, a neuo cognitive examination can be billed separately by treatment centers, therefore they always recommend one.
Chapter 12 Amongst its greed, intrusive nature and faulty accusations, professional recourse network function highly proficiently at the task they were designed to; protective physicians and patients from physicians who are impaired at work. In this domain they save lives, offer second changes and protect the public. When they act beyond their intended jurisdiction by imposing unnecessary monetary demands on practitionersin training, accuse practitioners without proof or act on behavior exemplified outside of a work setting they unjustly and inappropriately attack the week and innocent.
Proposed reform: As a trainee my universities malpractice insurance covers me for mistakes made at work. If a learner mistakenly harms a patient, then the university stands on their behalf. If the learner does something wrong under a teachers direct guidance, then the teacher is at fault. This makes sense logically as well as pragmatically. The state entrusts large amounts of money to hospital systems and universities to train resident physicians. A portion of this money is allocated to malpractice insurance. This should extend to accused impairment.
Suppose a training university was required to cover rehabilitation and monitoring of a resident of whom they claim is impaired. Alternatively they have the option of firing the trainee. This would reduce the number of innocent trainees being accused of impairment, make the process of rehabilitation more fair and provide a better use for tax payer derived dollars, which hospital systems are given to train residents. The truly impaired could still seek help, less false accusations would be made and with the employers having the ability to fire at the moment of impairment, there would be less chance of impairment at work.

I have been struggling badly for 2 years at this point, right now in detox with a strong desire not to drink again.
I have been dating a wonderfully strong man who I trust so dearly i had a very bad night drinking coupled with emotional issues that just kinda broke me down and i told him. I never expected him to supportive in the slighest but he is. He didn’t judge me, he didn’t immediately leave me. He comforted me and told me that no matter what he will always love me and be with me my side. I love him so much and he is giving me the strength to put past this.
One day sober. First day in over and year and I am never looking back. Ever.

Title is my brother’s recent diagnosis after a 10day stay/detox in the hospital.
Tell me his future assuming he can quit drinking. I know it’s very grim if he continues.

Anxious person here.. Drank heavily for 3 yrs, did smoke up too .. overweight... I went for detox, sober for 3M+ My anxiety won't go away. Struggling at work, always worried (it even shows up on my face n colleagues have been kind enough to ask if I'm okay). I'm embarrassed as a human being, way to weak for someone who has been gifted human life.. I worry if I get married it might not end well (still not over my person of 5 yrs and have also seen bad marriages in my family n friends) I'm also worried that since alcoholism can be passed on to kids(this is what I inferred from watching MoM and a couple of other shows) I still feel the drinks call me when I'm around it (family outings, team parties, friends hanging out) the ppl who know about my situation avoid drinking around me but I'm not limited to those ppl, I need to have other people around since the first segment can't be around me all the time.. I worry all the time, have bad memory .. regret what I've done to myself
I'm sober but I'm not happy and I don't c that happening anytime soon
I understand if I go back to drinking it's gonna be much worse.. but I just don't have the will to take all this anymore
All this battles my anxiousness creates in my mind leaves me mentally exhausted and all I want to do is numb myself out until I can keep this charade
I'm not looking for answers .. just wanted someone to know how I feel .. idk whatever could happen whenever
Ive tried reaching out to ppl, doctors for help but it doesn't seem to work I tried spirituality but that didn't help either
I understand everyone's has battles to fight, and what I'm fighting might be very trivial to most but it's my uphil battle which detests me the most..
I'm not sure why I'm writing this, just wanted to share. Don't have AA around me and most people I know, I can't share my problems with. The people ik are already tired of listening to my problems (although they never say it and are available to me) but I feel bad sharing my problems with them all the time
What the fuck is this life?!

All the rehab and AA folks wants to talk at me. Need my support or a ride. Sober Girlfriend wanted to have NA beers with me after she worked. I bought myself vodka before she got there. Then I fell asleep in the restaurant bathroom. Sister picked me up. Tried to take me to detox. They won’t take me. Family told me I shouldn’t be at the homeless shelter while im drinking because it’s not safe for women. My poor parents. Haven’t had a drink since finishing my fifth of whiskey in my parents basement at 1 AM. Parents took my car keys and my wallet is in my car. Im shakey and in pain and can’t feel my hands and feet but I’m able to keep water and medicine down. I want to crawl into a hole and not talk to anyone. I’m disappointed in myself for messing up my sobriety but I’m more disappointed that I didn’t stash some more whiskey somewhere to at least taper. At least im young, even if im kindled to shit i wont have a seizure at 24 from withdrawal. I think. Idk i hate and love you guys, reading posts here makes me feel less alone. Someone have a drink for me.