PUNISHER WAVE 1-Punisher w/ bruised face,trench coat,rifle,pistol.
2-Billy Russo w/ scarred face,Tommy gun,mask,coat,hidden blade
3-Micro w/ computer, beanie, head lamp,sandwich
4- Agent madani w/ season 2 head, pistol, badge
5-John pilgrim w/ bible, pistol, hat
6-Curtis w/ sniper, fake leg
7-Brett Mahoney w/ pistol, police badge BAF TURK
DAREDEVIL WAVE 1-daredevil w/ unmasked head, batons, glasses,
2-Karen page w/ newspaper, pistol, handbag
3-foggy nelson w/ short hair head, briefcase
4-kingpin w/ eyepatch head, car door, daredevil mask
5-bullseye w/ unmasked head, knives, pistol, headphones, recorder
6-Electra w/ balaclava head, sai’s, sword
7-stick w/ walking stick, glasses, arm stump, katana BAF NOBU
LUKE CAGE WAVE 1-Luke cage w/ bent gun, hoodie, headphones, cinderblock
2-Claire temple w/ medical bag, claw blades
3-Maria stokes w/ mic stand, pistol,
4-shades w/ glasses, handgun
5-bushmaster w/ knife
6-misty knight w/ pistol, robot arm, badge
7-cottonmouth w/ rocket launcher, pistol BAF DIAMONDBACK
IRON FIST WAVE 1-iron fist w/ longhair head, glowing hand, glowing bullets, pistol
2-Colleen wing w/ sword, glowing hand,
3-ward meachum w/ pistol, phone
4-joy meachum w/ folder
5-davos w/ glowing fist,
6-typhoid Mary w/ tied up hair head , sword, assault rifle
7-bakuto w/ sword, BAF MADAM GAU
JESSICA JONES WAVE 1-Jessica jones w/ camera, bottle of vodka, files
2-Trish walker w/ masked head, inhaler, pistol
3-Malcom w/ computer,
4-killgrave w/ file
5-Jeri w/ handbag
6-Gregory Salinger w/ scratched face, camera
7-Alisa jones w/ bald head, BAF ERIK GELDEN
AGENTS OF SHIELD WAVE 1-agent Coulson w/ glasses, icer, shield badge, robotic arm, shield
2-daisy Johnson w/ short hair head, pistol, quake effects
3-agent may w/ glasses, gun,
4-Fitz w/ doctor head, season 1 head, pistol, drone
5-Simmons w/ season 6 head, pistol, stethoscope, scalpel, pistol
6-grant ward w/ hive head,season 1 head, pistol,
7-mack w/ shotgun axe, wrench, coat, BAF LASH
AGENTS OF SHIELD WAVE 2 1-yo-yo Rodriguez w/ robot arms, pistol, fast effects
2- deke Shaw w/ mask, headband,
3-Lincoln w/ electric effects, necklace,
4-hunter w/ pistol, beer bottle,
5-Bobbi w/ battle staffs, pistol
6-Enoch w/ robot face,
7-Talbot w/ pistol, gravitonium effects BAF AIDA
THE GIFTED WAVE 1- Marcos w/ glowing effects,
2- Lauren w/ bubble effect
3- Andy w/ season 2 head,
4- Polaris w/ season 2 hair with crown, magic effects
5- blink w/ portal effects
6- John w/ tomahawk
7- reed w/ glowing arms
THE GIFTED WAVE 2 1- kate w/ pistol
2- jace w/ shotgun
3- esme frost w/ glowing eyes
4- reeva w/ screaming head
5- erg w/ glowing eye effect
6- dreamer w/ blowing head with pink mist
7- shatter w/
LEGION WAVE 1-david w/ season 3 head, worlds angriest boy book
2-Sydney w/ season 3 head, gloves
3-Kerry w/ sword
4-Cary w/ glasses, head band
5- ptonomy w/ season 3 head, shotgun
6- Farouk w/ glasses,
7- Lenny w/ short hair head, twizzler BAF SHADOW KING
CLOAK AND DAGGER WAVE 1- cloak w/ cloak, smoke effect, headphones
2- dagger w/ short hair head, daggers,
3- Brigid w/ mayhem head, badge, pistol
4- detective connors w/ long hair head, pistol
5- Andre w/ trumpet,
6- evita w/ book
7- mina Hess w/ goggles, flask
AGENT CARTER WAVE 1- Peggy Carter w/ handbag, pistol, hat
2- Daniel Sosa w/ crutch, pistol
3- Edwin Jarvis w/ hat, briefcase
4- Howard stark w/ sunglasses, blueprints
5- Jack Thompson w/ pistol, hat, files
6- Dottie underwood w/ wigged head, pistol,
7- Whitney frost w/ scarred face, zero matter goo BAF DUM DUM DUGGAN
DEADPOOL WAVE 1- deadpool w/ unmasked head, scarred head, katanas, pistols, unicorn plush
2- negasonic teenage warhead w/ shaved head, power effects
3- cable w/ cape, heavy machine gun, pistol
4-firefist w/ flame effects
5- domino w/ uzis, goggles.
6- youkio w/ electric chain
7- Ajax w/ axes, BAF COLOSSUS
XMEN WAVE 1- wolverine w/ old man Logan head, cigar, bone claw hands,
2- professor x w/ young head, wheelchair, cerebro,
3- magneto w/ young head, helmet, floating metal platform
4- cyclops w/ young head, laser beam effects,
5- jean grey w/ young head, phoenix effects
6- mystique w/ young head, normal head, normal hands,
7- storm w/ young head, storm effects, BAF BEAST
XMEN WAVE 2 1- rouge w/ ponytail head
2- iceman w/ human head, ice effects
3- pyro w/ lighters, fire effects
4- night crawler w/ young head, teleport effect
5- quicksilver w/ speed effect, goggles, headphones,
6- havok w/ long hair head, power effects,
7- Angel w/ young head, wings, BAF APOCALYPSE
SHANG CHI WAVE 1- Shang chi w/ staff, ring effects
2- Katy w/ bow, arrows
3- wenwu w/ 10 rings, ring effects
4- xialing w/ rope
5- death dealer w/ knives,
6- jiang li w/ wind effects
7- Trevor slattery w/ morris BAF RAZOR FIST
IRONMAN WAVE 1-Ironman w/ tony stark head, gauntlet, sunglasses, laser effects,
2-pepper Potts w/ iron man arm, proof that tony stark has a heart statue,
3-war machine w/ Rhodey head, machine guns, laser effects
4-happy hogan w/ young head, cellphone,
5-Obadiah stane w/ briefcase, arc reactor
6-Justin hammer w/ glasses, lollipop
7-whiplash w/ whips, mask, irina, BAF ULTRON
CAPTAIN AMERICA WAVE 1-captain America w/ unmasked head, bearded head, shield, infinity war shield, mjolner
2-Bucky Barnes w/ masked head, long hair head, pistol, assault rifle, knife
3-falcon w/ unmasked head, shield, wings
4- Sharon carter w/ batons, knife
5-red skull w/ human face, tesseract,
6-crossbones w/ unmasked head, burned head, pistol, gauntlet
7-baron zemo w/ unmasked head, pistol, book BAF RED HULK
M
THOR WAVE 1-Thor w/ short hair head, missing eye head, mjolner, stormbreaker, thunder effects,
2-Loki w/ helmet, tesseract, blades, magic effects
3-Jane w/ unmasked head, mjolner, thunder effects,
4-Valkyrie w/ sword, beer bottle,
5-heimdell w/ helmet, sword
6-laufy w/ ice effects
7-malekith w/ burned head, mask, BAF KORG
HULK WAVE 1- Bruce banner w/ young head, turning neck/head, hulk hands, glasses,
2- general Ross w/ old face, pistol
3- hulk w/ angry head, ripped shirt,
4- Emil blonsky w/ pistol, grenade launcher
5- Betty Ross w/ bag
6- the leader w/ normal head,
7- she hulk w/ briefcase, BAF ABOMINATION
BLACK WIDOW WAVE 1- black widow w/ blonde hair, pistols, batons
2- yelena w/ jacket, batons, pistol,
3- red guardian w/ masked head, shield, action figure,
4- melina w/ batons, Alexie the pig
5- taskmaster w/ unmasked head, bow, shield, sword
6- dreykov w/ tablet
7- Rick mason w/ cap
DOCTOR STRANGE WAVE 1-doctor strange w/ third eye head, magic effect, eye of aggamoto, portal effect, watch
2-wong w/ portal effect, magic effect, sword
3-Christine Palmer w/ red hair head, defibrillator
4-America Chavez w/ portal effect
5-ancient one w/ portal effect, magic effect
6-mordo w/ long hair head, crossbow, sword
7-kaecilius w/ normal head, portal effect BAF ZOMBIE STRANGE
GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY WAVE 1-star lord w/ helmet head, blasters, orb, Walkman
2-gamora w/ sword,
3-drax w/ knifes, glorbnuts, assault rifle
4-groot w/ weapon hands,
5-rocket raccoon w/ angry head, assault rifle, leg, baby groot
6-mantis w/ glowing head
7-nebula w/ sword hand, knife, swords BAF THANOS
GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY WAVE 2 1- Ronan w/ hammer
2- high evolutionary w/ normal head, ripped off face, teef floor Lila
3- ego w/ young head,
4- Adam warlock w/ blurp,
5- yondu w/ whistling head, arrow, umbrella
6- kraglin w/ fin head, arrow
7- Ayesha w/ helmet, battery BAF COSMO
BLACK PANTHER WAVE 1-tchalla w/ unmasked head,
2-killmonger w/ unmasked head, knife, mask,
3-okeye w/ spear
4-Nakia w/ masked head, ring blades
5-namor w/ spear, helmet
6-shuri w/ young head, gauntlet
7-klaue w/ weapon arm, handgun BAF MBAKU
SPIDER-MAN HERO WAVE 1-Peter Parker Tom w/ unmasked head, web effects
2-Peter Parker tobey w/ unmasked head, web effects, ripped mask
3-Peter Parker Andrew w/ unmasked head, web effects
4-Michelle jones w/ cube,
5-ned w/ mask, Lego Death Star, bag pack
6-aunt may w/ cure injection
7-Gwen Stacy w/ headband, BAF MARY JANE
SPIDER-MAN VILLAN WAVE 1-green goblin w/ young head, unmasked head, pumpkin bomb, glider, hood,
2-doc ock w/ young head, goggles, tentacles
3-sandman w/ sand face, hammer sand hand,
4-jj Jameson w/ balding head, desk, newspaper
5-electro w/ blue head, blue hands, electric power, hoodie
6-vulture w/ unmasked head, wings,
7-mysterio w/ unmasked head, drone, magic effect BAF LIZARD
ANTMAN WAVE 1-Antman w/ unmasked head, mini Antman, book,
2-wasp w/ unmasked head, mini wasp, wings,
3-Janet w/ masked head, young head,
4-Hank w/ young head, ant farm, pym particles
5-ghost w/ unmasked head, phasing arm,
6-Yellowjacket w/ unmasked head, mini Yellowjacket
7-kang w/ unmasked head, laser effects BAF MODOK

Bracelet is brand new from Hawaii Rope Chains! Just decided I wanted to get one a teeny bit bigger. $375 shipped (shipping will be insured and I am located in the US). If you have any questions at all please feel free to ask!
Bracelet is 6 3/4 inches from end to end.
https://imgur.com/a/7ol0UJk

Proof and Pics : https://imgur.com/a/Tzs3fNI
Tri tone plated bracelet 7.5'' - 14.3 grams - $34
Large curb chain 20" - 26 grams - $62
8.5" rope bracelet - 10.3 grams - $25
small fancy link bracelet 7.5" - 3 grams - $7.5
small rope bracelet 7.5" - 4 grams - $10
Large rhodium franco (3-3.5mm) 22" - 25 grams - $old
Small 24" rope - 7.3 grams - $17
Saint Christopher pendant - 6.3 grams - $15
Small link chain 2 grams - $7 (or free with any purchase over $50)
RINGS
Twist ring pair - sz 7 - 2 grams - $6
Black stone signet ring - size 8 - 6.3 grams - $15
Size 7 heavy signet ring with white stones - size 7 - 11 grams - $26
Plain size 12 silver ring - 5.4 grams - $13
Loose lab grown emerald cut diamond F+ VS+ 1.07 carats - $400
I am also able to get lab diamond studs, tennis bracelets, and tennis chains at very competitive prices! chat me for more info!
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I've been nervous to start playing SoT because of the multiplayer aspects, unsure if I'd be able to learn as a solo to get my bearings enough to enjoy a life of plundering and pillaging. And the night didn't start off great. A slight miscommunication on my part caused my first partner to jump ship, when I should've walked the plank for miscomming that I didn't have the treasure. Spoiler alert, I had it ten minutes prior on the ship somewhere, but didn't realize it. So we had a slight detour on the seas to scour an island I had already finished. Then, I was adrift at sea, not a shipmate to be seen.
Fast forward a little, and a savior arises from Davy Jones' Locker itself. A self-proclaimed Coward from Denmark (or simply a pastry fiend) joined a rudderless sloop, unmoored and unprepared for a life of booty. But he showed me the ropes, learning how to fly flags and sink ships, how the harpoon can help with maneuvering, and patiently letting me try to learn how to use canons. And I mean patiently: I was terrible.
Enough of the sap story, but after a couple of hours and even more grog, he divulged a secret: this unassuming buccaneer was actually playing on an alt account. Shocking! The marauder who was soloing ships all night but from the background so it felt like I was the one that took down the megalodon or the pirate captain ghosty mcshipmybritches without us sinking, while also supporting me and letting me start learning the mechanics of the game. Plus, 150k on the first night on the seas ain't bad either. Excited to pillage some more. Ahoy!

Hey yall! Today Im selling brand new solid sterling silver chains and bracelets at a variety of styles and lengths for only $2.5 per gram. Why pay retail at a jewelry store?
Proof: https://imgur.com/a/uYe1A11
Chains:
24” 7MM BOX LOCK Cuban Link Chain 74g- $185
22” 6MM BOX LOCK Cuban Link Chain 49.8g- $124
22” 7.5MM Cuban Link Chain 82.6g- $206
26” 7MM Cuban Link Chain 87.3g- $218
20” 5.5MM Cuban Link Chain 42.3g- $105
22” 5.5MM Cuban Link Chain 47.5g- $118
24” 5.5MM Cuban Link Chain 51.3g- $128
20” 5MM Cuban Link Chain 31.7g- $79
22” 5MM Cuban Link Chain 34.4g- $86
24” 5MM Cuban Link Chain 37g- $92
26” 5MM Cuban Link Chain 41.4g- $103
24” 4.5MM Rope Chain 44.8g- $112
26” 4.5MM Rope Chain 49.5g- $123 PENDING
24” 3.7MM Rope Chain 29.3g- $73
20” 3MM Rope Chain 17.9g- $44
26” 3MM Rope Chain 23.7g- $59
20” 3.8MM Franco Chain 33g- $82
24” 3.8MM Franco Chain 42.3g- $105
Bracelets:
8” 5.5MM Rope Bracelet 21.3g- $53
8” 4.5MM Rope Bracelet 14.6g- $36
8” 7MM Cuban Link Bracelet 24.7g- $61
8” 5.5MM Cuban Link Bracelet 16.8g- $42
Shipping is $5 ground advantage (first class) or $9 priority
International shipping available! Contact me for costs.
Payment methods: Zelle (preferred), cashapp, venmo, and PPFF
NO notes with payment please!! (Use an emoji if a note is required)
NO GOODS AND SERVICES PAYMENTS. PAYMENTS BETWEEN FRIENDS ONLY
Authentic solid sterling silver marked 925 Italy
More styles and sizes may be available upon request!
If you have any questions feel free to ask!

Part I
To hell with confidentiality. The National Transportation Safety Board knows nothing; it’s not even in their hands. When an MD-11 goes missing with nearly 400 people on board, and 73 come back alive, there’s something amiss about that story. You won’t find anything about this flight or the one that went missing shortly after. Even before I give you the real story, let’s apply a little bit of logic here. For this type of aircraft, a flight from London’s Heathrow Airport to Chicago’s O’Hare Airport would not go missing for 49 hours and then nearly hit an Airbus a thousand miles away from the disappearance site. You’re telling me that the plane could fly for over two days on a tank of fuel and ended up only two hours max away from where it went missing without being seen by any ground witnesses? If that’s not the case, do you think the survivors of a ditching would be able to last two and a half hours in the cold with no shelter, and the only source of heat is each other’s bodies? The flaws are obvious, but I digress.
With that background out of the way, it’s time you know what happened. To tell that story, we go way back beyond the moment of the disappearance. It starts in the common room of a small college house in England. This semester, I studied abroad with six students from my school, three others from other institutions in our system, and eight from another American university. As the manager of the Wilson Aerospace Corporation, I organized a charter flight to airports near each of our hometowns without the need for long layovers. With the benefit of not needing to pay for this, everyone quickly agreed to return home on this flight. We packed up and all cooked one last meal before the trip. They always told me how central the community is to your experience abroad, and they’re right. I could not have asked for a better group of people to have been here with. For their privacy, I will be addressing them by fictitious names.
We had finished eating and started doing the dishes when my phone rang. Without looking, I silenced it. I went back to work for a minute before it rang again. I noticed that it wasn’t a call coming through WhatsApp. I took my phone off silent and waited for the next call. A German student in the room asked what the calls were about. I told her that while I didn’t know what the calls were about, I almost knew for sure who was behind the calls and had the sense that I knew what was coming when I answered. The phone rang again, and this time I picked up. “Hello, is this Captain Merrick?”
“No, it’s Dewey from logistics.” Silence on the other end. “Yes, this is Captain Merrick. What are you calling me about?”
“Hi, I just wanted to tell you that due to a family event, Captain Hersh cannot command flight 555 tomorrow, so with your credentials, and since you’re going to be on board anyway, we’re going to assign you to take the plane.”
“Oh, come on, you can’t find anyone else in the UK or the EU to take it?”
“Sadly not; besides, it’s been a while since you’ve logged any hours. Don’t you think returning to a cockpit early would be good?”
“Well, by that logic, shouldn’t I go through a proficiency course before flying again?”
“After your management of flight 890’s situation, we think you’re fit and safe to fly.”
“That was a month ago, which wasn’t even on the MD-11.”
“You’re taking the plane.” The call hung up, and I just stood silently. I walk back to the kitchen.
“Who was that?” Asked Jennifer, a student from my home institution.
“It was our flight’s dispatcher, and he told me that they’ve placed me in command of the flight tomorrow, and considering that I haven’t logged any time in the last two weeks, I will be assessed on the simulator and placed in control right off the bat.”
“You’re going to be flying our plane?”
“I know that’s not the most comforting thought in the world, but I’ve done this before; I know the plane quite well, and a few years ago, I managed to land one that was significantly damaged.”
“What?”
“Yeah, while I was still learning the ropes, I made a mistake, and one of the flaps just got torn off. It was a while ago, and if that happened now, I would probably lose my job and license, so you can rest assured I won’t let that happen.”
The following day, we left the house and began walking to the train station, where we traveled by rail to London Heathrow. On the ride, I got my dispatch release from Wilson Aerospace Corporation Air Charter Services for flight 555. While the release looked normal, something under the Notice to Air Missions caught my eye. Notice to Air Missions, or NOTAMs for short, are often filled with abbreviations and other jargon, but I’ll put it the way I said it out loud. “It says there’s an unusually rough ride on track Delta but nowhere else.”
“What does that mean?” Asked Jennifer. She wasn’t a nervous flyer, per se, but to someone who isn’t a major avgeek like myself, this information can put you on edge.
“It probably means nothing, but I’m more worried about why the turbulence is there to begin with. All this end-of-the-world type shit has been toying with my head for a while, so I’m most worried about that.”
Without another word about it, we continued the ride to London’s King’s Cross Station, where we transferred to the underground Piccadilly line to the airport. We arrived three hours before the flight, and with two hours to go, I parted with my group for the final time until next semester when we’re back at our home institution.
I met up with the crew after my simulator assessment. The cabin crew were all the best in the business. I visited the first-class flight attendants and ensured that my friends would be given only the best WAC treatment. After finishing my discussion with them, I met the flight crew. I shook hands first with the flight’s first officer, Hope McKinnon. She has been with the WAC for almost a year and was the only first officer on the cross-country charter trip in January, which originated in New York and terminated in California, where I go to school. We had a third pilot with us since the flight to Chicago was over 8 hours. This came in the form of Second Officer Tyler Morris, a 21-year-old who had just completed his 1500-hour requirement that the FAA still wants young pilots to get to. He was snagged by the WAC immediately upon getting his commercial pilot certificate and has been doing contract work on our smaller, non-part 121 operations. After starting as a ferry pilot for us, he has logged 600 hours on the MD-11.
This aircraft was built in 1993 and bought by the WAC in 2018. During the walkaround, I paid particular attention to the brakes and trailing edge flaps on the right and left wing tip. Then, I walked out on the wing to inspect the left-wing spoilers, all areas that had received special treatment during the plane’s overhaul the previous week. Everything was in top condition, and without hesitation, I cleared the plane to fly.
I got up to the cockpit during boarding, so I had to maneuver around some people to get there. Hope said she got the weather information for departure and that the system had reported wind-shear conditions on the north side of the field. I asked her what that meant for us. She said it might simply mean that we can’t fly. Sustained winds were up to 28 knots at a heading of approximately 175, and gusts were up to 33 at 110 degrees. “We’re still within our limits,” I said. “The crosswind component has to go above 35 before we can’t fly, so we’ll be okay here.”
We taxied out to runway 09L after the preflights were complete. We were in line behind a small Embraer flown by Finnair. Once they were cleared for takeoff, I was instructed to line up and wait on the same runway. Just as I stopped on the numbers, I saw the smaller jet slammed by a wind shear. “Holy shit,” I exclaimed. Hope and Tyler looked up from the flight management computer, where Hope was running the calculations for wind information through the takeoff screen. They asked me with an edge of panic what had happened. “Dude, that Embraer just got blown off the runway. What are sustained winds right now?”
“26 knots,” Hope replied. I looked at the plane down the runway, which had managed to keep it moving long enough to stagger onto a taxiway. As soon as he does, the tower calls. “Eagle 97 Victor Heavy, the winds are changing in speed and direction, so do you want to continue takeoff here, or do you want to go over to 09R, or do you want to return to your gate? Either way, winds are 187 at 26, wind-shear conditions gusting 233 at 35, runway 09L, cleared for the option.”
“Niner Left cleared for the option, Eagle 97 Victor Heavy.” Hope and I looked at each other and sighed. We were silent for a few seconds. Tyler was the first to say what we were all thinking. “The winds are changing too fast over here; we can’t take off.” Even though I’m the pilot flying, I’m the one who keys the mic.
“Heathrow tower, Eagle 97 Victor Heavy is deciding to abort the takeoff and try to move over to Zero Niner Right.”
“Eagle 97 Victor, we can do that for you, exit the runway at Alpha 12, taxi to runway Zero Niner right via Alpha, hold short at November 10. Once off, contact ground on one two one decimal niner zero”
“Alpha 12, taxi via alpha, hold short zero niner right at November 10. When off, over to twenty-one nine, Eagle 97 Victor.”
We taxied over to the runway and, shortly after, were told to line up. The aircraft that landed in front of us had no issues, and then we heard a pilot’s three favorite words. “Eagle 97 Victor Heavy, runway zero niner left, cleared for takeoff.”
20 minutes later, at our initial cruising altitude of 34,000 feet, we got our clearance into the North Atlantic Tracks on our ACARS system. This is where things started to get weird. “Eagle 97 Victor, this is Shanwick Center. I just wanted to warn you that the PIREPs indicate severe turbulence along track Delta, and it’s been getting stronger over the past 12 hours. The last pilot to report it turned around due to structural damage.” Hope and I look at each other. After a moment, she says, “I don’t know what we should do. The North Atlantic tracks aren’t flexible, so we can’t navigate around that. Do you think we could climb above it?” I shrug and ask the controller what altitude it was reported at. He said the corridor of turbulence was 30 miles long and was reported at all flight levels on westbound flights only. I looked at the information I wrote down, and Hope was silent as I pondered the decision. “Let’s move forward. The son of a bitch can take a beating, so what’s 30 miles?” I then made the most ominous PA message I’ve ever had to make.
“Folks, from the cockpit, the Air Traffic Controllers are telling us about PIREPs, indicating we have some pretty nasty bumps ahead. While it’s unclear how severe this turbulence is, some aircraft ahead of us have taken damage. So make sure your seatbelts are fastened as tight as possible, and all luggage is secured in a place where it won’t move. We won’t fly into it for another hour to an hour and a half or so, so take your time to be thoroughly ready. Just sit back, try to relax, and it will be over soon.” After I hung up, I started looking around the cockpit to ensure no loose objects could begin flying around. While it is rare, and I’ve never seen that kind of turbulence before, I did lose control of a 737 last year.
After Hope and I held hands for a quick prayer, we felt the first bumps. Nothing abnormal at first, just a jolt from the bottom here and a jolt from the right there, which went on for about seven miles. After that time, the plane felt like it entered a free fall for 4 seconds before slamming down and being thrown about a hundred feet up. A cross gust hit, which caused a violent yaw followed by the right-wing dipping about 20 feet. I put my hand on the yoke, bracing for the worst-case scenario. It came when a second cross gust hit, causing the plane to roll to the right about 30 degrees. The familiar bell indicating the autopilot disengaging rang through the cockpit. I took back control and, even with how much the plane was bouncing around, was caught off guard by how stiff the feedback in the controls was.
Not long after that, it felt like we hit a hundred-foot-thick brick wall. Hope and I were crushed against our shoulder straps beneath the immense impact. The plane was immediately struck by a second gust from the side with equal force. “We’re really in the spin cycle now,” Hope said. The plane was groaning and rattling under the stress of the storm, but I tried to keep calm as I keyed the mic to talk to the controller. “Shanwick Center, this is Eagle 97 Victor. We’re getting bounced around quite badly out here, so you think we could get on another track?”
“Speedbird 28 Kilo, good afternoon; climb and maintain flight level 380. Aircraft calling, say again?”
“Shanwick center, this is Eagle 97 Victor; we’re getting bounced around pretty good; you think we could re-route?”
“Damn, it sounds like you are. Negative on reroute, track Charlie is occupied right next to you by a 747 at flight level 360.”
“Is there anywhere south we can go, maybe track Echo?”
“Standby, what exactly is the nature of the turbulence right now?”
“It feels like we're flying in a city skyline, hitting every goddamn building in our path.”
“Oh, God, do you need to climb or descend?”
“I don't know what we need to do. We might not be able to. I’m losing control of the airplane.” As I said this, the plane violently rolled to the right. I put in maximum left yoke and rudder, but all that did was put the aircraft into a stable position at about an 87-degree bank. It pitched up and rolled abruptly to the left, nearly inverting. The stick began to vibrate violently, a warning of an impending stall. “Eagle 97 Victor has lost control of the airplane.” Instead of fighting the roll, I went with it, hoping to rotate the plane around into a straight and level flying position. As I did, it started to enter a left-side slip. “We're completely inverted,” I shouted to the controller over the now deafening sound of the plane straining under the load. All of a sudden, we flew into a kind of cloud tunnel. I reported that to the controller, and just as I finished, a growing black dot appeared in front of us. “Oh God, what is that?” Before I could finish the question, we flew through it.
On the other side was another tunnel, darker than the one we flew into, but after a couple more bounces, the plane calmed down and came back under control. I guided it back to a straight and level attitude before switching on the autopilot. I held the yoke for a few seconds before releasing it from my grip. The alarms went silent, and we flew out of the cloud formation into what looked like the night sky. We were both puzzled by this. The stars looked precisely like the night sky, which was impossible because, in our current location, it was around 13:00 hours. That wasn’t the part that worried me. What was was that instead of a dark ocean, there was an equally infinite sea of stars below us. As our eyes adjusted to the light, more of the vast canvas was unveiled. Entire galaxies rolled like clouds in the distance. It was beautiful but unlike any pictures I'd seen of the observable universe. The colors were unnatural, as if they had been hand-painted by an artist, yet they were so sharp and clear that they just had to be real. The vastness of the space filled me with reverence at the mere beauty of this creation, but there was also an equal terror. “What the hell was that?” Hope asked.
“I have no idea, but Toto,” I looked over at Hope and watched the color drain from her face. I said the words in a slow, hushed, deep voice. So much so that it was as if the tempest would come back if I said it too loud: “I get the feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.”
Hope seemed to stop breathing as the cockpit fell silent, save for the sound of the engines running outside. Something struck me as being off. “Wait, if we’re in space, there shouldn't be an atmosphere. We shouldn't be hearing anything except maybe for vibrations in the airframe. Let me try something.” I switched off the autopilot and ran a control check. To equal parts relief and horror, the plane responded to everything as it should. I never thought I'd say these words or that they would sound so menacing, but without breaking my gaze out the window as I switched the autopilot back on, I said, “We’re still flying.”
“What are we going to do” I remain silent at this question, transfixed by what I’m looking at. “Jackson,” Hope shouts abruptly. I look over at her, finally coming back to my senses. I signal with my eyes for her to continue. “What are we going to do about this?”
“Call everyone to the front. We don’t know what that was or where we are; let’s put our heads together and talk about it.”
“Shouldn’t we tell the passengers?”
“Tell them what? That we’re trapped in interstellar space? That we’re light years away from the next obstacle? That we’ve been taken by an unknown entity into its pocket dimension for him to play around with and eventually kill? The point is, we don’t know any more about this situation than the passengers do; all we’ve had different from them is a bigger scare.”
“How was ours bigger?”
“They don’t know we lost control of the airplane.” I reached down to the pedestal to shut down the tail engine to save fuel. I looked at the altimeter and realized it was frozen at 25,000 feet. Hope called the rest of the crew to the cockpit for a meeting. I took one last look out the window, unsure if some kind of mimetic effect caused the trances I kept falling into or if it was just pure shock and disbelief at the situation. Hope and I got up from our seats when the rest of the crew arrived. They looked a little perplexed, which, in turn, unsettled me. “How are the passengers doing?” I asked.
“Pretty shaken up and a little scared that we’re going back into the wall of a hurricane or something,” the lead flight attendant said. “They might want to divert to the nearest place. Reykjavik can’t be that far away, can it?”
“Wait, you aren’t looking out the window?”
“No, we blacked them out because we didn’t want the passengers to see what was happening outside.”
“So you don’t know what’s happened either?”
“No, we don’t. We can’t just land right away and sort this out?” Hope and I looked at each other, a growing sense of terror between us that quickly spread to the cabin crew. I turned back to them, and in a dry, strained voice, I said, “Have a look for yourselves.” I opened the cockpit door to let them inside for a look out the windows. All of them immediately went pale, and their jaws hit the floor. Some of the passengers noticed that the cabin crew was gathered so tightly around the cockpit, and I responded by squeezing through the mass and closing the dividing curtains. When I got back, the crew appeared to be in a completely entranced state. “What do you suppose we do?” Robert, the chief flight attendant, asked.
“I don’t know, but first things first, we understand why we’re here. I’ll go to the avionics bay to try to deduce what happened. Hope, Tyler, you guys are in charge until I get back. Cabin crew, keep the passengers calm and keep a lookout for anything possibly dangerous. It’s possible a sentient entity brought us here, and if it did, I don’t think it wants to talk over a plate of garlic fries and a football game. That’s just a theory, but we have to be ready for it.”
“Why are you quick to draw that conclusion?” Barbara, the juniormost flight attendant, asked.
“Let’s just say I know some people. I’ve had a history with an underground group called the SCP Foundation. They’re a society dedicated to collecting and containing anomalies. We haven’t seen one like this, but this is something they’d want to hear about if we make it out alive. I don’t have time or clearance to share much more with you, so let’s just get to work.” I sent the cabin crew off to run their rounds as Tyler and Hope took their seats in the cockpit. I grabbed a flight attendant's PA Phone and made the hardest call of my career. “Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Captain speaking. If you’ve ever seen the Twilight Zone episode The Odyssey of Flight 33, you’d understand the loss for words that the captain of that plane was at. This one’s a little different. In a moment, the flight attendants are going to reveal to you what the crew has been looking at for the past couple of minutes. If you are with a travel partner, we suggest that you lean on each other for support in every way you can and look out either side of the airplane. I guarantee what you see will shock you.” I signal Buzz, the flight attendant closest to me, to clear up the windows. The reaction of the crowd to what they’re seeing nearly stops my heart. I try not to break as I finish my message. “We don’t know where we are, how we got here, and what kind of danger we are in, if any. The crew will be working hard for your safety and comfort as we sort out this very urgent situation. And one more thing: to make it easy for us, please remain calm.”
I hung up the phone and stood there silently. Barbara was right next to me, and after a long time and a few attempts to work up the courage, but eventually asked me what I meant by the avionics bay.
“We’re not supposed to access it in flight, but there’s an ACARS disc in the avionics bay that will record anomalous information, usually for maintenance purposes. It will have around 10 minutes of information on it, so we don’t have a lot to work with, but if we can plug it into a device that can read the information and determine any distinct events related to what brought us here, we might be able to find a way back.”
“Isn’t that a lot like the black boxes?”
“This is a little bit different. Black boxes are for accident investigation, but this is unique to Wilson Aerospace planes for maintenance and experimental purposes.” I pulled the gun I carried on all flights out of my waistband and searched through the galley for ammunition. When I found it and loaded the gun, Barbara watched in horror. When I cocked it, she recoiled as if I had actually fired. “What are you doing?”
“I don’t know what’s telling me to do so, but I have to be loaded before I go in there.”
“Who do you think could be down there?”
“Not who, per se, but what?” I could see the color drain from her face as I squeezed past her to go access the hatch under which the avionics bay was hidden. I removed the carpet and undid the latches to the avionics bay. It was dark down there, more so given it was like the night sky outside. I made the sign of the cross and tapped a pin that a friend had given me that I put on my tie. I grabbed the flight attendant’s phone and alerted everyone to the fact that I was entering the hole. I dropped down to the hard floor beneath. The unusually smooth ride became clear to me at that moment. I turned on my flashlight and swept it around the room. The normally soothing rumble of the engines felt suddenly ominous. I felt the engines on the wings shut down, which caused the room to fall nearly silent. I couldn’t tell if Hope and Tyler had shut down the engines to save fuel or if they had failed, but I didn’t have time to worry about that at the moment. I slowly stepped into the darkness, moving my flashlight to my right hand and drawing my gun with my left. I walked over to the shelf labeled “Aircraft Communications Addressing and Reporting System.” I heard something behind me and whipped around. My heart just about stopped, and my blood turned to ice at the sight of the creature.
It wasn’t hideous; it was actually rather beautiful. It was a humanoid figure, timid in its mannerism and a few inches shorter than my 6-and-a-half foot stature. It had paper white but very thick and healthy skin draped over a muscular frame. Its limbs were slightly out of proportion with that of a human’s, with its arms reaching down to the knees of uncannily long legs. Its face was elongated, like the snout of a dog, with its skin covering what was inside of its mouth. I didn’t want to find out, but couldn’t exactly get out of there. Suddenly the beast charged. I had lowered my gun to my side but not holstered it. I instantly fired three rounds into the creature’s face. It screamed in pain but only slowed down. It shielded its face as it regained its composure. Knowing I had five rounds left, I waited for it to show itself again and aimed for its eyes. When I did, a disgusting white discharge spewed from the wound. It briefly recoiled before revealing its face again. It roared, and I fired another shot down its throat. It gurgled loudly and collapsed. I took the chance to flee to the hatch. As I did, two more of the creatures emerged from the computers and chased me. I climbed the ladder into the cabin where Buzz was waiting for me. I looked down and saw the vile face of one of the creatures. I fired the remaining three shots down into the hatch, hoping they didn’t damage the airplane. I slammed the hatch down and locked it.
“Are you okay?”
“Well, it didn’t hurt me. I’ll be alright.”
“You gave us quite a scare there.”
“You heard that?”
“Yeah, we did. The shots startled several passengers.”
“Did you hear the screams?”
“Yes, what was it you fired at?”
“I have no clue, I just know that it isn’t natural. Whatever it is, it is hostile, and it attacked me. We might have a bigger problem than being stuck here.”
“What’s that?”
“I killed the first one, but there are at least two more.” I return to the cockpit, shaken up by the experience. The crew got me a cup of soda (I really don’t like hot drinks) and had me resume my place in the Captain’s seat. We talked about the situation with the avionics bay, and knowing that the creatures are there, it’s going to be a more challenging task harvesting the information. Hope asks if we should check other places. Tyler said we shouldn’t, based on the fact that we could cause a containment breach if we were to look in the cargo hold. Hope countered that by saying that if the plane really was infested, it would help us devise a plan to retrieve the information. They turned to me for a final verdict. “It would be wise to check the cargo hold to understand the level of danger these creatures present. The ones that attacked me never touched me, and I never saw their hands, so we don’t know how dangerous they are. Currently, the largest question mark is we don’t know how many there are. I’ll grab Buzz and David, and we’ll go down for-”
“No,” Hope cut me off. “We almost lost you once, and as the flight’s Captain, we can’t afford to risk your life again. I’m going down, and that is non-negotiable, you understand?” I looked at Tyler, who looked back with a look in his eyes that said, “I wouldn’t fight her, bro.”
I looked at her and the crazy look in her eyes. “Okay, but don’t take a gun with you.”
“Why not?”
“As much as this might be a central concern, we are in an airplane, and we are still flying. I don’t want stray bullets damaging the fuselage or, worse, the airframe.”
“Okay.” Hope left the cockpit, leaving Tyler and me alone. I looked over at him and noticed that something seemed to be upsetting him. He was looking at a locket he must have produced when I was talking to Hope. He looked at it with glossy eyes and rubbed it with his thumb. I think about asking him but ultimately decide against it. I felt the pang of something in my chest, something I have become all too familiar with, a kind of existential loneliness. I sat and thought about my friends in the cabin. I have no idea what they must have been feeling at that moment, especially when they had a clue as to what might have been going on. I wanted to go back and talk to them to calm all of us down and was unbuckling my harness to do so when the service interphone rang to life. I picked it up, and the instant it was clear to the person on the other end that I was listening, they shouted through the line.
“Oh my god, there are hundreds of them.” My blood turned to ice, and I could sense that Tyler’s did as well.
“What do you want me to do?” I asked.
“Throw them off.” The crew member on the other end screamed, and the interphone cut off. Without hesitation, I reached over and switched the autopilot off. I have Tyler hold the plane steady as I put my shoulder straps on, and once I have that done, I urge him to do the same. Unsure of what to do next, I increase power to the one running engine and pull the yoke back as hard as possible. All the blood rushed out of my head, and I felt like I was going to pass out. I then remembered the story of Federal Express flight 705, and then turned the yoke full axis to the left, rolling it onto its side and then its back. Despite not knowing what is up and down in this dimension, I noticed quickly that gravity was constantly pulling us in the original direction. This meant that the inversion caused everything that wasn’t secure to fly towards the ceiling. I kicked the rudder a couple of times, first to the right and then to the left. The screams ringing out from the cabin were blood-curdling. I suppressed the urge to cry, knowing how terrifying this had to be to the passengers. I rolled the plane with all it had to the right. I rolled it over once and then stopped it in a steep right bank and once again pulled as hard as I could. The turn nearly made me pass out, and after this maneuver, I leveled the plane off and switched the autopilot back on. I looked over to Tyler and asked if he was okay. “I’m all good here,” he responded.
“I know it’s tempting to catch your breath,” I said, unbuckling my harnesses. “But we have to go help them. We don’t know if they actually beat the creatures or if we shot ourselves in the foot by using that strategy.” I grabbed a crash axe and left the cockpit. As was completely expected, the cabin was an absolute mess. Pillows and blankets were strewn about, along with other garbage and some spilled drinks. I took a wordless look at the chaos and continued to the back of the airplane. I walked through the first two sections dreading what I was about to see. Aside from a few people nursing minor injuries, there wasn’t anything overly disturbing about each of them. That was until I got to the aftmost section of the cabin. I’m not overly sensitive to things I see, whether that be getting emotional at movies or getting sick upon seeing disturbing things, but this was just so… real. There were human remains everywhere, along with four dead bodies of the humanoid creatures.
There were crew members attending to three severely injured passengers, but that wasn’t the most disturbing part. There were at least seven dead bodies of passengers and the dead bodies of Purser Patrick Delaney, Chief Flight Attendant Buzz Donaldson, and First Officer Hope McKinnon. Three more junior flight attendants were present and very overwhelmed. I’m not certified to give medical care, so I didn’t know what to do. I tried desperately to find words but eventually settled on “What the hell happened?” Barbara started to cry, and another flight attendant, Luke Berry, went to comfort her. The third, James Mann, explained that as soon as Hope had dropped into the cargo hold, two of the creatures immediately jumped on her. She screamed for help, and the senior flight attendants immediately rushed aft to help her out. When they got there, five creatures had emerged from the hole and were overpowering the junior flight attendants. Pat and Buzz had run in to knock the creatures off their feet for a diversion, but they wouldn’t leave Luke alone. That’s when Pat grabbed the handset but mistakenly set it to PA instead of interphone, so he broadcast the desperate cry to the passengers instead of Tyler and me. This caused a mass panic in the aft portion of the aircraft. Shortly after, the maneuvers started, which saved Luke, though his leg and arm were badly injured. Buzz accidentally hit Barbara with an ax swinging for one of the creatures, which in turn slit his throat. When the plane inverted, Pat fell to the ceiling with one of the creatures, which shredded his chest as it scrambled to regain its footing, inflicting Pat with a sucking chest wound. He died seconds later. Multiple passengers were killed, though not by the creatures attacking them, but by the creatures scrambling to maintain their footing on the shifting ground. “So you’re telling me that by this strategy, we made the situation worse?”
“Yes, that’s exactly right.” I take a moment to process the words before heading back to the front. When I get there, Flight Attendant John Wilson is waiting for the news. “Because of me, fifteen people are dead.”
“How so?”
“All that death and destruction came from me flying the plane around to knock them off balance than from the creatures themselves.” Just then, something that had been nagging at me manifested as a question. “Are the creatures only after the crew?”
“I don’t know, and there’s really no way we can test that.”
“I beg to differ.” John looks at me with wide eyes as if I’ve revealed a dark secret.
“You don’t…” He trails off, barely finishing the second word.
“Listen, if we don’t try things, we’re all dead. Our only hope of getting home is in that avionics bay, and we have to send anyone we can who can get the information back without losing their life.”
“How do you know if it’s unsafe for the crew?”
“Because it attacked me!” I hissed. I promptly shuddered at the memory of seeing Hope’s emaciated body. Without another word, I went back inside the cockpit. Tyler noticed I was pretty badly shaken up. “What was it like out there?” he asked innocently.
“It was a bloodbath.” I told him the story of what happened, and he looked at me blankly. I told him I didn’t want to leave my seat again after what I had seen. He tried to sympathize with me, but I promptly cut him off, saying that the plane and everyone on board was my responsibility as Captain.
“Dude, you are not okay.”
“You think I don’t know that?” I proposed the idea that we send a crew member and a passenger down to the cargo hold to test the waters. Tyler was against this, but given that we didn’t have very much in the way of both options and fuel, we had to be decisive. Tyler relented, and we got a volunteer from the crew to go downstairs. I went back out into the cabin to talk to first-class directly. I explained the situation to them and asked for any volunteers to check out the hold. To my relief, none of my friends stood up, but rather a stranger from business class. She came forward to the galley along with the volunteer crew member, Linda McNab. I gave them each crash axe and explained that while we don’t know what the creatures are or what they’re capable of, we do know that the axe can kill them. The passenger asked why we weren’t using guns. I had to explain that I didn’t want to pepper a bunch of holes in the airplane by firing a ton of bullets inside, but if one had to kill a creature point blank, a gun would be an effective way to kill one.
I said a prayer over them before they left. They went to the back of the plane and disappeared behind the dividing curtain between first and business class. I went back to the cockpit to wait for the results. In a note the NTSB would later present to me, the passenger recorded her expedition into the cargo hold.
It read: when we went down inside, it was pitch black. I waited for the crew member to follow me down into the hole. It was quiet and suspiciously so. He told me that we were down here only for a minute to wait and see if anything happened. Something swiped past my back, which caused me to freak out a little bit. I ran forward to where the flight attendant was. She panicked, grabbed me, and asked if I was okay. I shrugged it off and asked if we could leave. Just then, I heard something deep in the cargo area. It sounded like my mother’s voice. When I told that to the flight attendant, she immediately raised his ax into a fighting position. I asked her why, and she told her to get closer. I saw a flash of ultraviolet light roll across her face. She said, “Hi, honey,” before I saw an ax split open her skull. I jumped back immediately. She pulled out the ax and hacked at her neck and chest. I asked what he was doing. She said, “That’s only for the Captain to know.” She led me back to my seat and got the Captain. As they were talking, another flight attendant asked to look at my back under the shirt at the supposed wound. They called Jackson over, who objected at first, but upon glancing my back, came in for a closer look. All he said was, “Damn, they’re good.” End of transcript.
When they came back, Linda told me about their encounter. While I won’t recap the events of what happened, given that the passenger did that for me, I will tell you what we learned. They can read minds through physical contact, and they do have shapeshifting capabilities. There were several questions remaining, like what the creatures wanted, did they have any targets, and who was that target, if any. I started going back to the cockpit when Barbara called me over to look at the passenger’s back. “I told you already, I’m not medically certified, why do you need… me…” I trailed off as I saw her back. I walked over in silence. When I got to her, I was completely awestruck. I reached out with my fingers and brushed over where the claw supposedly swiped her back. “You said it swiped you?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Damn, they’re good.” I ran back to the cockpit, where the surviving crew put their heads together again. We were questioned about how we knew that they could actually read minds. I responded that it’s the only logical conclusion for why a creature would touch someone without the intent to kill and how it would have manifested as the person’s mother, or at least what she claimed was her mother. “Whatever it means, it’s not good news for us. We need to find out how we got here so we can at least make an effort to get back.”
“How do you think we’re supposed to get that information, though? The avionics bay is infested, you’ve already almost died once, and we’re not letting you go down there again.”
“Who do you think we send down there, then?”

Part One Here!
Part Two Here!
Part Three Here!
Part Four Here!
Part Five Here!
Part Six Here!
Part Seven Here!
Part Eight Here!
Part Nine Here!
Part Ten Here!
Part Eleven Here!
Part Twelve Here!
Part Thirteen Here!
We pick up following Money in the Bank 2014, with John Cena having successfully won his ninth World Championship in WWE - and even more importantly, his seventeenth World Championship overall - after an absolutely dismal start to the year. Having gone six straight PPVs without a win, it was in his hometown of Boston where his rebound began, but now, it’s the hard part… keeping the gold on his shoulders, and the crown on his head.
Road to SummerSlam 2014
With Cena now holding the WWE’s top prize for the ninth time, he’s got a murderer’s row of challengers who want a piece of him. First amongst them is Samoa Joe, who gets into a verbal spat with Cena saying he’s beaten him time and time again, including on two straight PPVs before Money in the Bank, but it’s Cesaro who shockingly makes his case by laying out Joe with an uppercut and demanding a shot not at SummerSlam, but in the Raw main event.
WWE World Heavyweight Title: John Cena (c) vs. Cesaro
Cena accepts, and, under Heyman’s tutelage, Cesaro very nearly captures the gold… but it’s not quite enough, with Cena delivering a tremendous Attitude Adjustment for the win after a fantastic bout.
John Cena def. Cesaro (20:13) to retain the WWE World Heavyweight Title
Crestfallen, Cesaro walks off with Heyman, but Paul stops him at the top of the ramp, grabbing a microphone. He says that he wants the championship removed from Cena’s waist, and he wants it done by one of his own - so if it won’t be Cesaro, it’ll have to be someone else. Out comes Brock Lesnar, standing toe-to-toe with Cesaro… AND LEVELING HIM WITH A CLOTHESLINE BEFORE MAKING HIS WAY DOWN TO DUKE IT OUT WITH CENA! CESARO’S BEEN EXPELLED FROM HEYMAN’S CLAN, AND THE BEAST IS BACK FOR JOHN CENA’S CHAMPIONSHIP AT SUMMERSLAM! The next few weeks see a contract signing turn violent, with Lesnar decimating Cena with an F-5, and Rollins attempting a cash-in, only to be stopped by Dean Ambrose. However, Cena’s certainly in a dangerous position as he makes his way into his third SummerSlam main event, weary of all the enemies he’s made and all they could do to ruin this reign.
SummerSlam 2014
WWE World Heavyweight Title: John Cena (c) vs. Brock Lesnar
John Cena doesn’t have to wait long, and he really shouldn’t have bothered worrying about those additional enemies, because this is a slaughter. Lesnar backs him into the corner and immediately nails an F-5 for a nearfall, and it doesn’t get any better for the champion. There’s no hope spot. There’s no Attitude Adjustment reversal. There’s no STF, no Five Knuckle Shuffle, no nothing - Cena delivers a lariat to knock Lesnar down, and then he eats a German Suplex. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. That’s sixteen, and you know what, we’ll make it seventeen for good measure, followed by an F-5. One. Two. Three.
Brock Lesnar def. John Cena (18:04) to win the WWE World Heavyweight Title
Road to Hell in a Cell 2014
With Lesnar having dominated Cena so handily, John takes a few weeks off, returning at Night of Champions to return the favour for Dean Ambrose by helping him out against Seth Rollins in a wild brawl, leading to a tense staredown between the two. In the main event, Brock Lesnar defeats Cesaro in a barnburner, where Cesaro gets plenty more offense in than Cena, causing John to wonder if he even deserves an automatic rematch - so he insists on earning it once news gets out that Brock won’t be at Hell in a Cell. Seth Rollins also wants a shot, as does Randy Orton, leading the Authority to announce a massive clusterfuck of a main event for Hell in a Cell - a fatal four way within the confines of Hell in a Cell itself, pitting Cena against Orton, Rollins and Ambrose, with the winner going on to face Brock Lesnar at the Royal Rumble. The buildup sees Orton and Cena go down memory lane over their feud, both men chomping at the bit to tear into one another, while Ambrose discusses his distaste for all that Cena represents - but he says his primary objective is taking out Seth Rollins for good.
Hell in a Cell 2014
Hell in a Cell Match for the Number One Contendership to the WWE World Heavyweight Title: John Cena vs. Dean Ambrose vs. Randy Orton vs. Seth Rollins
Cena and Orton hate each other, Ambrose and Rollins hate each other, Ambrose and Cena don’t get along, Rollins and Orton are tensely duelling over the top spot in the Authority’s lineup, and we’re in for an explosive match. It’s a grisly affair early, with the cage coming into play and tearing flesh, bruising bone. Ambrose tosses Rollins off the side of the Cell, J&J Security die, Ambrose and Cena brawl, Orton delivers a few RKOs, and Cena puts the Viper through a table with an AVALANCHE ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT! ONE! TWO! THRE-AMBROSE BREAKS IT UP! Dean goes for Dirty Deeds, Cena scooping him up into position for an Attitude Adjustment, but Ambrose slides off and NAILS A KNEE TREMBLER, ONLY TO EAT A SUPERKICK FROM A RETURNING ROLLINS! CURB STOMP! ONE! TWO! THRE-CENA WITH THE LAST SECOND SAVE! Seth starts beating down Cena, ushering new Authority ally Rusev into the ring and insisting he help, which he does. Then, Seth directs the assault on Ambrose, and finally turns to Orton, who insists they go one on one, fair and square - only for Seth to shout at Rusev to attack, but ORTON NAILS AN RKO ON RUSEV! SETH CHARGES… RKO! ORTON MADE HIS CHOICE, AND HE TURNS AROUND INTO AN ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT! ONE! TWO! THREE! HE CAPITALIZED AT TLC LAST YEAR, AND NOW GETS A TASTE OF HIS OWN MEDICINE AFTER NEUTRALIZING SETH ROLLINS, MAKING JOHN CENA THE NUMBER ONE CONTENDER!
John Cena def. Dean Ambrose, Randy Orton and Seth Rollins (25:20) to become the Number One Contender to the WWE World Heavyweight Title
Road to Survivor Series 2014
The Authority is apoplectic, seething that John Cena managed to get another shot at the WWE World Heavyweight Title, all while likely losing Randy Orton as a member of the Authority for good thanks to his relationship with Seth being beyond repair. Triple H starts making executive decisions, saying he wants to strip Cena of his title shot, saying he wants to fire anyone who crosses the Authority, and out comes Big Match John. He says that he’s just as sick of the Authority as they are of him - he knows they’re in cahoots with Heyman, which is how Brock got gifted a championship bout upon his return. He knows they’ve rigged everything in their favour for over a year, that they screwed over Daniel Bryan, that they tried time and time again to screw HIM over, and they’ve ruined the runs of countless stars on the roster up to this point. The only reason Cena hasn’t left is because of his devotion to the fans, and out of devotion to those same fans, he wants to ensure that the Authority is removed from power, never to pull their stunts again. Triple H tells Cena it’s too bad, but John issues a challenge - he’ll put together a team of disgruntled folks who want the Authority deposed, and they can put together whatever cracked squad of guys they want. Five on five, at Survivor Series, in an elimination match. If The Authority win, Cena will lose his shot at Brock Lesnar, and he’ll leave WWE. If they lose, though, the Authority is done. Triple H agrees, and then puts in the contract that if Cena’s team loses, his entire TEAM is fired, telling Cena to deal with it, because the Authority make the rules.
The next few weeks see recruitment efforts from both sides - Triple H announces that Seth Rollins and Rusev will be on team Authority, and so will The Game himself. He also bribes Luke Harper into joining by helping him win the Intercontinental Title from Dolph Ziggler. On Cena’s side, he brings in Dolph, and also convinces Ambrose to join forces with him, saying that they need to put their differences aside for the greater good. He’s also surprised when Randy Orton volunteers to join, saying he can’t stand Cena, but he wants the Authority gone too, primarily to show that punk Seth Rollins that he screwed with the wrong guy. On the go-home show, Triple H says he’s got his last member - Samoa Joe, knowing that Joe is sure to secure a victory over Cena when it comes down to it. When asked who his last man is, Cena says he had to call up a colleague he hasn’t seen in a long time, but when it comes to the wire, he’ll have a fifth member that’ll get the job done.
Survivor Series 2014
The start of the show sees a scene of chaos, with the undefeated US Champion Rusev having been tactically laid out backstage. It cuts to the Team Cena locker room, where a smug looking Randy Orton dusts himself off, Cena insisting that the Viper can’t just assault his opponents like that. Orton shrugs, and we head to the office of a very irate Triple H, shouting into the phone to “FLY HIM HERE NOW! THAT SON OF A BITCH OWES ME!” Before the match begins, Triple H gets confirmation his substitute fifth man has arrived at the arena, and suddenly The Game looks surprisingly… nervous, as if he’d bitten off more than he can chew.
Elimination Match: Team Cena (John Cena, Dean Ambrose, Dolph Ziggler, Randy Orton and X) vs. Team Authority (Luke Harper, Samoa Joe, Seth Rollins, Triple H and X)
The four identified members of Team Cena are out first, led by Big Match John, but the tension is fairly palpable between them, amplified when their fifth member doesn’t arrive. Next is Team Authority, with Harper, Joe, Rollins and Triple H making their way down to the ring before… THE BEAST IS HERE! The WWE World Heavyweight Champion has been conscripted to Team Authority, and Team Cena has a big problem as the bell rings, Orton and Rollins starting off. Rollins tries to get the upper hand on the Viper, but fails pretty quickly, leading him to tag in Harper, encouraging frequent tags amongst the team. Brock seems unenthused, and Triple H wants to be the brains instead of the brawn, but Joe, Harper and Rollins effectively keep Orton isolated until ORTON NAILS AN RKO ON HARPER! He goes for the pin, and ROLLINS DELIVERS A CURB STOMP, ONLY FOR ALL HELL TO BREAK LOOSE! The referee is caught in the crossfire, and Brock cleans house, giving Seth and Triple H the opportunity to slide a cinderblock into the ring for a CURB STOMP THROUGH THE CINDERBLOCK! They slide the evidence away, Team Authority guarding Seth as he hooks the leg… ONE! TWO! THREE! TEAM AUTHORITY JUST GOT RID OF PERHAPS THE BIGGEST THREAT ON TEAM CENA!
Seth Rollins eliminates Randy Orton by pinfall (4-5)
It’s an uphill battle from here, and the captain tags in, Cena trying to hold down the fort with a series of lariats, shoulder blocks, the works in order to keep Team Authority at bay. Finally, he gets his hands on Rollins, only for Ambrose to tag himself in and start brawling wildly with his former Shield stablemate, Seth bailing and TAGGING IN THE BEAST! Ambrose reluctantly tags Cena back in so he can chase after Seth without being counted out, and Cena goes toe-to-toe with Brock, quickly being backed into the corner as LESNAR GOES FOR AN F-5, BUT DOLPH ZIGGLER LANDS A SUPERKICK! Brock drops Cena, and turns his attentions to Dolph, who bravely stands his ground until being suplexed across the ring. Seth starts shouting at Brock, who turns around and simply looms over the Architect, tagging Rollins in. Seth doesn’t want to fight Cena, so tags in Harper, who gets some strong offense in before CENA LANDS AN ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT FOR THREE, ELIMINATING THE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION!
John Cena eliminates Luke Harper by pinfall (4-4)
Triple H and Brock Lesnar are arguing as Cena calls for someone to step into the ring, with The Game saying he can make the WWE Champion’s life much more difficult if he doesn’t get what he wants. Brock scowls, tagging in and making direct eye contact with Triple H as he gets into the ring, and he lands a double leg before elbowing Cena across the skull, cracking him open. He stands up to keep bickering, only for CENA TO NAIL A LARIAT, KNOCKING HIM DOWN! SHOULDER TACKLE! SHOULDER TACKLE! A THIRD, WITH A BLIND TAG MADE BY AMBROSE, CENA GOING FOR THE FIVE KNUCKLE SHUFFLE… LESNAR PICKS HIM OUT OF THE AIR, BUT AMBROSE WITH A FLYING ELBOW OFF THE TOP TO TAKE BROCK DOWN! KNEE TREMBLER TO THE BEAST! ONE! TWO! ROLLINS LEAPS IN FOR THE BREAK, BUT AMBROSE CONNECTS WITH DIRTY DEEDS! THE LUNATIC FRINGE IS ROLLING… DIRTY DEEDS TO LESNAR COUNTERED WITH A GERMAN SUPLEX! Lesnar starts ragdolling Dean as he hurls abuse at Triple H, finally delivering an F-5! ONE! TWO! THREE!
Brock Lesnar eliminates Dean Ambrose by pinfall (3-4)
He heads back to his corner, having made his point by putting the Authority up a man, but Triple H directs him to keep at it. Worn out and frustrated, Brock shoves Seth off the apron, flips off the Game, and WALKS OUT! The referee starts counting, and Lesnar has no intention of heading back, only pausing when Samoa Joe follows him up the ramp. Joe goes nose to nose with him, telling the Beast to get back in the ring so they don’t go down a man, and Brock doesn’t keep walking past him, but he doesn’t turn around, either. Finally, the referee hits ten, Joe looking as if he could kill the champion then and there, but deciding against an unnecessary fight.
Brock Lesnar is eliminated by countout (3-3)
Joe makes his way back to the ring, a battered and bloodied Cena being told by Dolph Ziggler to stay back. Dolph stands up to Joe, landing a few hopeful bits of offense before being spiked into the canvas with an Uranage, Triple H applauding from the apron. Joe calls for the Muscle Buster, but ZIGGLER DROPS DOWN TO NAIL A ZIG-ZAG! ONE! TWO! THRE-NOOO! Joe’s still comparatively fresh, and as he struggles to his feet, Dolph makes the hot tag to Cena, who rushes in and takes the fight to his longtime rival. He gets Joe up for an Attitude Adjustment, but Joe slips off to go for a Coquina Clutch, only for Cena to buck him forward and DELIVER A HURRICANRANA… BUT JOE REVERSES INTO A POWERBOMB! He hoists Cena onto the top turnbuckle, Dolph attempting to run interference, but Seth throws Dolph aside into a PEDIGREE BY TRIPLE H ON THE OUTSIDE! Cena throws a few fists at Joe, but Seth grabs his leg, pulling him down into the turnbuckle so Joe can get him up for a MUSCLE BUSTER! ONE! TWO! THREE! JOHN CENA’S ELIMINATED, AND THERE’S ONLY ONE MAN AT RINGSIDE TO FIGHT OFF THE AUTHORITY!
Samoa Joe eliminates John Cena by pinfall (2-3)
Dolph Ziggler is still limp at ringside, the referee not seeing a legal man in the ring and reluctantly starting the countout proceedings at Triple H’s insistence. The crowd are all screaming at Dolph to get up and keep fighting, but he’s completely unmoving as the referee counts six. Triple H and Seth Rollins get in the ring to celebrate with Joe as the ref calls out seven, then eight, then… THE LIGHTS GO OUT! IT’S STIIIIIIIIIINNNNGGGGGGG! JOHN CENA CALLED ON AN OLD COLLEAGUE FOR DAMN SURE, HARKENING BACK TO HIS DAYS BEFORE WWE, BUT WHERE IS THE ICON? The lights are still out, the referee unable to count Ziggler out if he can’t see him, but a spotlight quickly illuminates the ring to show a shocked Samoa Joe and a furious Triple H… AND STING, DESCENDING FROM THE RAFTERS BEHIND THEM! OH MY GOD! He unhooks himself as the crowd erupts, and STING DELIVERS A SCORPION DEATH DROP TO THE GAME! Joe turns around, looking as if he’s seen a ghost as the lights come up, an exhausted Ziggler behind him… HE STACKS THE SAMOAN SUBMISSION MACHINE UP! ONE! TWO! THREE!
Dolph Ziggler eliminates Samoa Joe by pinfall (2-2)
Sting knocks Rollins out of the ring, Ziggler leaping into the cover on Triple H, still down from the Scorpion Death Drop and legal by default as the only man in the ring… ONE! TWO! THREE! TEAM CENA’S TURNED THE TIDES, AND SETH ROLLINS IS THE LAST MAN STANDING FOR TEAM AUTHORITY!
Dolph Ziggler eliminates Triple H by pinfall (2-1)
Seth gets back in the ring, Ziggler standing his ground against the Architect with a flurry of punches and a FAMEASSER! ONE! TWO! THR-SETH GETS THE SHOULDER UP! Dolph calls for the Zig Zag, Seth holding the ropes and sending Dolph into the referee, giving a seething Triple H the chance to get revenge with a SLEDGEHAMMER SHOT TO STING! Triple H rushes in, looking to clock Ziggler as well, but DOLPH HITS A SUPERKICK! Dolph crumples from exhaustion, and SETH GOES FOR A CURB STOMP, ONLY FOR DOLPH TO DODGE IT, SLIPPING BEHIND FOR A ZIG ZAG! THE REFEREE COMES TO AS STING DOES, THE ICON CLOCKING THE GAME WITH A BASEBALL BAT AS ZIGGLER COVERS THE ARCHITECT… ONE… TWO… THREE! THEY DID IT! TEAM CENA WINS, A CLUTCH PERFORMANCE FROM ZIGGLER AND THE ARRIVAL OF THE ICON VANQUISHING THE AUTHORITY!
Dolph Ziggler eliminates Seth Rollins by pinfall (2-0)
Team Cena (Survivors: Dolph Ziggler and Sting) def. Team Authority (49:40), meaning the Authority must vacate their positions of power
Road to TLC 2014
Relieved beyond belief, John Cena opens the show with his team (minus Orton, who’s still out from the cinderblock Curb Stomp), thanking all of them for doing their part in erasing the Authority’s influence. However, it’s not long until Seth Rollins comes out, cackling about taking out the Viper but still clearly frustrated. Cena asks how it feels to not be handed everything anymore, and Seth says that he’ll make sure the Authority has their day in the sun again, but for now, he doesn’t need to be handed things. He can earn them, because he’s one of the best wrestlers on the planet. He accuses Brock Lesnar of costing them the win with his exit, and says that he wants to face Brock in order to avenge the Authority - and he’ll go through Cena in order to do so. He outlasted Cena at Survivor Series, and he wants to do it again at TLC. He dares John to put his shot at the Beast on the line, and Cena accepts, making for a high-stakes TLC match to main event the show. Over the next few weeks, John faces off with Kane once again, notching a win, and teams with Dolph Ziggler to beat the brakes off J&J Security, sending a message to Seth Rollins that without the infrastructure in place for them to succeed, his network isn’t all that terrifying.
TLC 2014
TLC Match for the Number One Contendership to the WWE World Heavyweight Title: John Cena vs. Seth Rollins
Cena’s big mistake was taking on a No DQ match against the Architect, because while the Authority may not be in power, they’ve still got bodies to throw at problems. John fights an uphill battle against Rollins, J&J Security and Kane, and he doesn’t have Sting in his corner to help, or Dean Ambrose as a friend. It’s an incredible showcase for Seth, who pulls out all the crazy tricks in the book against Cena, including a SETHWALKER OFF THE APRON, THROUGH A TABLE ON THE FLOOR! Cena somehow gets to the base of the ladder in time, grabbing Rollins’ foot to stop him from ascending, but Rollins’ cronies pull him away… until Dolph Ziggler shows up to take out Kane! Cena lays out J&J with a DOUBLE ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT, BUT ROLLINS WITH A CURB STOMP BEFORE HE CAN GET TO HIS FEET! Seth celebrates wildly as he turns around, the crowd erupting as he’s HIT WITH AN RKO! THE VIPER IS BACK! RANDY ORTON JUST TOOK OUT SETH ROLLINS! Orton bails out of the ring, having fulfilled his duty in vengeance, and with every other factor mitigated, it’s all down to Seth and John as they slowly get to their feet. Both realizing the scenario, they scramble towards the ladder, climbing up opposite sides and BRAWLING ATOP THE LADDER… BUT WAIT A MINUTE! WAIT! BROCK LESNAR IS HERE, READY TO DECIDE THE FATES OF HIS POTENTIAL CHALLENGERS! He charges to the ring, wrenching Cena off the ladder for an F-5! Seth looks down, stunned, and before Brock can do anything else, he RIPS DOWN THE CONTRACT!
Seth Rollins def. John Cena (26:20) to become the Number One Contender to the WWE World Heavyweight Title
Rollins tries to bail out of the ring, but Brock’s there for him too, grabbing his new challenger by the belt for a HUGE GERMAN SUPLEX, AND NOW AN F-5 ONTO A CHAIR! LESNAR HAS LAID WASTE TO CENA AND ROLLINS, BUT THE CENATION LEADER JUST LOST HIS OPPORTUNITY AT A REMATCH WITH THE BEAST! HE MAY HAVE WON THE WAR AGAINST THE AUTHORITY, BUT THE HEARTBREAK CONTINUES FOR JOHN CENA!

1. The Trusty Fire Starter

Fire is essential for survival. It keeps you warm, cooks your food, and scares away the creepy crawlies that want to join your camping party. Matches? They get wet. Lighters? They run out of fuel. But a magnesium fire starter? Now we're talking. It’s like having a tiny piece of Thor's hammer in your pocket.Check out our awesome fire starter kits. They’re foolproof, which is great because the last thing you want is to be that person who can't start a fire in front of your entire camping group. "Hey, remember when Dave couldn't start a fire, and we almost froze? Good times.
"Pro Tip: Practice at home first. Your neighbors might think you’re preparing for an apocalypse, but better safe than sorry.

1. The Unassuming Paracord Bracelet

You might think a paracord bracelet is just a fashionable accessory for your rugged outdoor look. Wrong! This little piece of fashion can save your life. Need to tie up your gear, make a shelter, or floss after eating that jerky? Paracord bracelet to the rescue! It’s like wearing Batman’s utility belt on your wrist.Our store offers paracord bracelets that even come with a built-in fire starter and whistle. Now you can call for help and start a fire without even reaching into your pack. Talk about multi-functional!
Pro Tip: Resist the urge to use it as a regular rope for mundane tasks. Save it for when you really need it. Like when you’re about to fall into a ravine. Or need to make an emergency clothesline.

1. The Legendary First Aid Kit

Getting a blister is not a rite of passage; it's just plain annoying. A first aid kit is the real MVP of any outdoor adventure. Cuts, scrapes, blisters, mysterious rashes—you name it, your first aid kit can handle it. Our kits are compact, comprehensive, and fit perfectly in your backpack without taking up too much space.And let’s be honest, nothing says "I’m prepared" like busting out a first aid kit when your buddy gets a paper cut from the map (yes, people still use maps).
Pro Tip: Don’t just carry it—know how to use it. Otherwise, it’s just extra weight. Maybe take a first aid class. You might even meet someone who shares your love for survival gear!

1. The All-Knowing Compass

GPS devices are great until they run out of battery or lose signal. A compass, however, is like the wise old owl of navigation tools. It doesn’t need batteries, it doesn’t glitch, and it won’t judge you for not knowing north from south.Our store has top-notch compasses that are easy to read and reliable. Perfect for when you’ve wandered off the beaten path and are starting to worry about becoming the next headline: "Lost Hiker Found Using Only a Selfie Stick and a Sense of Desperation.
"Pro Tip: Learn to use it properly. Or at least pretend you do while sneakily using your GPS as backup.

Wrapping It Up!

So there you have it, folks. The essential survival gear that every outdoor enthusiast needs. Remember, it’s not just about having the right tools; it’s about knowing how to use them and keeping a sense of humor when things go sideways. Because in the end, the best survival skill is the ability to laugh in the face of adversity (and your friends’ attempts at starting a campfire). Check out Survival Pro Store for all your gear needs, and may your adventures be epic and your blisters be few!
Happy Trails!

Consider the subtleness of the sea; how its most dreaded creatures glide under water, unapparent for the most part, and treacherously hidden beneath the loveliest tints of azure.

𓇼 ⋆.˚ BASIC INFORMATION. ˚⋆. 𓇼

• full name: Phoebe Michelle Garrett
• also known as: Phoebe, Phoebs
• hometown: Tampa, Florida
• birthday: April 27, 2026
• age: thirteen years old
• gender identity: cis female (she/her)
• demigod & non-demigod related conundrums: adhd, dyslexia, animal allergy (cat dander)

﹏﹏𓊝﹏﹏﹏﹏𓊝﹏﹏﹏﹏𓊝﹏﹏
𓇼 ⋆.˚APPEARANCE. ˚⋆. 𓇼
physical appearance.

• Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat.

clothing.

• Lorem dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat.

𓇼 ⋆.˚CONNECTIONS. ˚⋆. 𓇼

name	relationship	details
Joshua Garrett	mortal father	Affectionately described as a “stick in the mud” by his sister, Joshua is a caring and well-meaning dad to Phoebe, if not a little misguided. His work as a paramedic often leaves him out and about on an erratic schedule which complicates the whole parenting thing he’s trying to work on.
Triton	divine parent	Who? Lorem dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat.
Valerie Garrett	aunt	Also known as Auntie V, Valerie is Joshua’s younger sister and Phoebe’s favorite aunt—because she’s the only aunt. Valerie is a lot more lax with Phoebe and is more likely to rope her niece into all kinds of mischief. While Joshua might not always agree with Val’s penchant for antics, he’s grateful that Phoebe has someone she can have fun with in the family.
Arlene Garrett	grandmother	Phoebe’s de-facto mother figure. Crabby and shrew as most old ladies get, Arlene does have an immense soft spot for her (only) granddaughter. Though there are times that Phoebe gets the good ol’ Grandma Lecture™️, Arlene has been there for her in ways that her father couldn’t. She currently lives with Valerie just a half hour away from Joshua and Phoebe's home.
Bonnie	pet	A ranchu goldfish Phoebe acquired at last year’s Florida State Fair, Bonnie is the closest thing she has to a best friend. Phoebe doesn’t really understand how she suddenly started hearing her pet fish talk in her head, but she’s grateful to have Bonnie along for the ride now that she's at camp.

𓇼 ⋆.˚POWERS. ˚⋆. 𓇼

ability	type	description
Sea-Life Communication	domain	The ability to communicate with and understand sea creatures and other forms of marine life.
Aquatic Buff	domain	A trait where one displays better power, strength, stamina, and other qualities underwater or when wet. they are also able to fight unhindered (AOE ranges are doubled but they are not more intense; cooldowns are 1.25x or 25% faster. buff powers do not stack, and travel powers are not affected.)
Water Manipulation	domain	The ability to control water.
Sea Storm Nullification	minor	The ability to clear sea storms produced by other half-bloods. natural sea storms can only be weakened.
Sea Life Affinity	minor	A trait where sea creatures are naturally friendly.
Fear Inducement	minor	The ability to induce feelings of fear in others using the sound of a conch shell.
Aquatic Form	major	The ability to alter one’s physiology such that they are adapted to aquatic life, such as gills and webbed feet.

Consider also the devilish brilliance and beauty of many of its most remorseless tribes, as the dainty embellished shape of many species of sharks.

𓇼 ⋆.˚PERSONALITY. ˚⋆. 𓇼
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Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat.
﹏﹏﹏𓊝﹏﹏﹏𓊝﹏﹏﹏𓊝﹏﹏﹏𓊝﹏﹏﹏𓊝﹏﹏﹏𓊝﹏﹏﹏
𓇼 ⋆.˚HOBBIES, HABITS, LIKES & DISLIKES. ˚⋆. 𓇼
hobbies.

• bracelet-making: Phoebe picked this up from fellow teammates in their school’s water polo club. she likes using thread and embroidery floss for her own bracelet, but she doesn’t mind making them out of beads too. she also has quite the collection of friendship bracelets from her friends!
• jigsaw puzzles: a hobby that Phoebe came to enjoy thanks to her grandma. every time she drops by her house for a visit, Arlene always has a new 500-piece jigsaw puzzle ready for them to finish. each one they’ve completed is framed on a wall in the living room.
• water polo: not so much of a hobby and moreso of a liability that she was kinda forced to join by her dad. Joshua thought that Phoebe would make more friends her age if she joined an extracurricular, so he encouraged her daughter to try out for sports.

habits.

• nail-picking:
• appetite:

likes & dislikes

• likes: Lilo & Stitch, Ponyo, betta fish
• dislikes: clowns, heights, Shrek

Consider, once more, the universal cannibalism of the sea; all whose creatures prey upon each other, carrying on eternal war since the world began.
— Herman Melville

𓇼 ⋆.˚THEN & NOW. ˚⋆. 𓇼
then.
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Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat.
﹏𓊝﹏
now.
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Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat.

SHREK
Once upon a time there was a lovely
princess. But she had an enchantment
upon her of a fearful sort which could
only be broken by love's first kiss.
She was locked away in a castle guarded
by a terrible fire-breathing dragon.
Many brave knights had attempted to
free her from this dreadful prison,
but non prevailed. She waited in the
dragon's keep in the highest room of
the tallest tower for her true love
and true love's first kiss. (laughs)
Like that's ever gonna happen. What
a load of - (toilet flush)
Allstar - by Smashmouth begins to play. Shrek goes about his
day. While in a nearby town, the villagers get together to go
after the ogre.
NIGHT - NEAR SHREK'S HOME
MAN1
Think it's in there?
MAN2
All right. Let's get it!
MAN1
Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that
thing can do to you?
MAN3
Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's
bread.
Shrek sneaks up behind them and laughs.
SHREK
Yes, well, actually, that would be a
giant. Now, ogres, oh they're much worse.
They'll make a suit from your freshly
peeled skin.
MEN
No!
SHREK
They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the
jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's
quite good on toast.
MAN1
Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya!
(waves the torch at Shrek.)
Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch. The
men shrink back away from him. Shrek roars very loudly and long
and his breath extinguishes all the remaining torches until the
men are in the dark.
SHREK
This is the part where you run away.
(The men scramble to get away. He laughs.)
And stay out! (looks down and picks
up a piece of paper. Reads.) "Wanted.
Fairy tale creatures."(He sighs and
throws the paper over his shoulder.)
THE NEXT DAY
There is a line of fairy tale creatures. The head of the guard
sits at a table paying people for bringing the fairy tale creatures
to him. There are cages all around. Some of the people in line
are Peter Pan, who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage, Gipetto
who's carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer who is carrying the three
little pigs.
GUARD
All right. This one's full. Take it
away! Move it along. Come on! Get up!
HEAD GUARD
Next!
GUARD
(taking the witch's broom) Give me that!
Your flying days are over. (breaks the
broom in half)
HEAD GUARD
That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch.
Next!
GUARD
Get up! Come on!
HEAD GUARD
Twenty pieces.
LITTLE BEAR
(crying) This cage is too small.
DONKEY
Please, don't turn me in. I'll never
be stubborn again. I can change. Please!
Give me another chance!
OLD WOMAN
Oh, shut up. (jerks his rope)
DONKEY
Oh!
HEAD GUARD
Next! What have you got?
GIPETTO
This little wooden puppet.
PINOCCHIO
I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. (his
nose grows)
HEAD GUARD
Five shillings for the possessed toy.
Take it away.
PINOCCHIO
Father, please! Don't let them do this!
Help me!
Gipetto takes the money and walks off. The old woman steps up
to the table.
HEAD GUARD
Next! What have you got?
OLD WOMAN
Well, I've got a talking donkey.
HEAD GUARD
Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings,
if you can prove it.
OLD WOMAN
Oh, go ahead, little fella.
Donkey just looks up at her.
HEAD GUARD
Well?
OLD WOMAN
Oh, oh, he's just...he's just a little
nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox.
Talk, you boneheaded dolt...
HEAD GUARD
That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!
OLD WOMAN
No, no, he talks! He does. (pretends
to be Donkey) I can talk. I love to
talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing
you ever saw.
HEAD GUARD
Get her out of my sight.
OLD WOMAN
No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk!
The guards grab the old woman and she struggles with them. One
of her legs flies out and kicks Tinkerbell out of Peter Pan's
hands, and her cage drops on Donkey's head. He gets sprinkled
with fairy dust and he's able to fly.
DONKEY
Hey! I can fly!
PETER PAN
He can fly!
3 LITTLE PIGS
He can fly!
HEAD GUARD
He can talk!
DONKEY
Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm
a flying, talking donkey. You might
have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly
but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey
fly. Ha, ha! (the pixie dust begins
to wear off) Uh-oh. (he begins to sink
to the ground.)
He hits the ground with a thud.
HEAD GUARD
Seize him! (Donkey takes of running.)
After him!
GUARDS
He's getting away! Get him! This way!
Turn!
Donkey keeps running and he eventually runs into Shrek. Literally.
Shrek turns around to see who bumped into him. Donkey looks scared
for a moment then he spots the guards coming up the path. He
quickly hides behind Shrek.
HEAD GUARD
You there. Ogre!
SHREK
Aye?
HEAD GUARD
By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized
to place you both under arrest and transport
you to a designated resettlement facility.
SHREK
Oh, really? You and what army?
He looks behind the guard and the guard turns to look as well
and we see that the other men have run off. The guard tucks tail
and runs off. Shrek laughs and goes back about his business and
begins walking back to his cottage.
DONKEY
Can I say something to you? Listen,
you was really, really, really somethin'
back here. Incredible!
SHREK
Are you talkin' to...(he turns around
and Donkey is gone) me? (he turns back
around and Donkey is right in front
of him.) Whoa!
DONKEY
Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell
you that you that you was great back
here? Those guards! They thought they
was all of that. Then you showed up,
and bam! They was trippin' over themselves
like babes in the woods. That really
made me feel good to see that.
SHREK
Oh, that's great. Really.
DONKEY
Man, it's good to be free.
SHREK
Now, why don't you go celebrate your
freedom with your own friends? Hmm?
DONKEY
But, uh, I don't have any friends. And
I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey,
wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll
stick with you. You're mean, green,
fightin' machine. Together we'll scare
the spit out of anybody that crosses
us.
Shrek turns and regards Donkey for a moment before roaring very
loudly.
DONKEY
Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you
don't mind me sayin', if that don't
work, your breath certainly will get
the job done, 'cause you definitely
need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause
you breath stinks! You almost burned
the hair outta my nose, just like the
time...(Shrek covers his mouth but Donkey
continues to talk, so Shrek removes
his hand.) ...then I ate some rotten
berries. I had strong gases leaking
out of my butt that day.
SHREK
Why are you following me?
DONKEY
I'll tell you why. (singing) 'Cause
I'm all alone, There's no one here beside
me, My problems have all gone, There's
no one to deride me, But you gotta have
faith...
SHREK
Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't
have any friends.
DONKEY
Wow. Only a true friend would be that
cruelly honest.
SHREK
Listen, little donkey. Take a look at
me. What am I?
DONKEY
(looks all the way up at Shrek) Uh ...really
tall?
SHREK
No! I'm an ogre! You know. "Grab your
torch and pitchforks." Doesn't that
bother you?
DONKEY
Nope.
SHREK
Really?
DONKEY
Really, really.
SHREK
Oh.
DONKEY
Man, I like you. What's you name?
SHREK
Uh, Shrek.
DONKEY
Shrek? Well, you know what I like about
you, Shrek? You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me
thing. I like that. I respect that,
Shrek. You all right. (They come over
a hill and you can see Shrek's cottage.)
Whoa! Look at that. Who'd want to live
in place like that?
SHREK
That would be my home.
DONKEY
Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful.
You know you are quite a decorator.
It's amazing what you've done with such
a modest budget. I like that boulder.
That is a nice boulder. I guess you
don't entertain much, do you?
SHREK
I like my privacy.
DONKEY
You know, I do too. That's another thing
we have in common. Like I hate it when
you got somebody in your face. You've
trying to give them a hint, and they
won't leave. There's that awkward silence.
(awkward silence) Can I stay wit' you?
SHREK
Uh, what?
DONKEY
Can I stay wit' you, please?
SHREK
(sarcastically) Of course!
DONKEY
Really?
SHREK
No.
DONKEY
Please! I don't wanna go back there!
You don't know what it's like to be
considered a freak. (pause while he
looks at Shrek) Well, maybe you do.
But that's why we gotta stick together.
You gotta let me stay! Please! Please!
SHREK
Okay! Okay! But one night only.
DONKEY
Ah! Thank you! (he runs inside the cottage)
SHREK
What are you...? (Donkey hops up onto
a chair.) No! No!
DONKEY
This is gonna be fun! We can stay up
late, swappin' manly stories, and in
the mornin' I'm makin' waffles.
SHREK
Oh!
DONKEY
Where do, uh, I sleep?
SHREK
(irritated) Outside!
DONKEY
Oh, well, I guess that's cool. I mean,
I don't know you, and you don't know
me, so I guess outside is best, you
know. Here I go. Good night. (Shrek
slams the door.) (sigh) I mean, I do
like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was
born outside. I'll just be sitting by
myself outside, I guess, you know. By
myself, outside. I'm all alone...there's
no one here beside me...
SHREK'S COTTAGE - NIGHT
Shrek is getting ready for dinner. He sits himself down and lights
a candle made out of earwax. He begins to eat when he hears a
noise. He stands up with a huff.
SHREK
(to Donkey) I thought I told you to
stay outside.
DONKEY
(from the window) I am outside.
There is another noise and Shrek turns to find the person that
made the noise. He sees several shadows moving. He finally turns
and spots 3 blind mice on his table.
BLIND MOUSE1
Well, gents, it's a far cry from the
farm, but what choice do we have?
BLIND MOUSE2
It's not home, but it'll do just fine.
GORDO
(bouncing on a slug) What a lovely bed.
SHREK
Got ya. (Grabs a mouse, but it escapes
and lands on his shoulder.)
GORDO
I found some cheese. (bites Shrek's
ear)
SHREK
Ow!
GORDO
Blah! Awful stuff.
BLIND MOUSE1
Is that you, Gordo?
GORDO
How did you know?
SHREK
Enough! (he grabs the 3 mice) What are
you doing in my house? (He gets bumped
from behind and he drops the mice.)
Hey! (he turns and sees the Seven Dwarves
with Snow White on the table.) Oh, no,
no, no. Dead broad off the table.
DWARF
Where are we supposed to put her? The
bed's taken.
SHREK
Huh?
Shrek marches over to the bedroom and throws back the curtain.
The Big Bad Wolf is sitting in the bed. The wolf just looks at
him.
BIG BAD WOLF
What?
TIME LAPSE
Shrek now has the Big Bad Wolf by the collar and is dragging
him to the front door.
SHREK
I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm
a terrifying ogre! What do I have to
do get a little privacy? (He opens the
front door to throw the Wolf out and
he sees that all the collected Fairy
Tale Creatures are on his land.) Oh,
no. No! No!
The 3 bears sit around the fire, the pied piper is playing his
pipe and the rats are all running to him, some elves are directing
flight traffic so that the fairies and witches can land...etc.
SHREK
What are you doing in my swamp? (this
echoes and everyone falls silent.)
Gasps are heard all around. The 3 good fairies hide inside a
tent.
SHREK
All right, get out of here. All of you,
move it! Come on! Let's go! Hapaya!
Hapaya! Hey! Quickly. Come on! (more
dwarves run inside the house) No, no!
No, no. Not there. Not there. (they
shut the door on him) Oh! (turns to
look at Donkey)
DONKEY
Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite
them.
PINOCCHIO
Oh, gosh, no one invited us.
SHREK
What?
PINOCCHIO
We were forced to come here.
SHREK
(flabbergasted) By who?
LITTLE PIG
Lord Farquaad. He huffed and he puffed
and he...signed an eviction notice.
SHREK
(heavy sigh) All right. Who knows where
this Farquaad guy is?
Everyone looks around at each other but no one answers.
DONKEY
Oh, I do. I know where he is.
SHREK
Does anyone else know where to find
him? Anyone at all?
DONKEY
Me! Me!
SHREK
Anyone?
DONKEY
Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know!
Me, me!
SHREK
(sigh) Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy
tale things. Do not get comfortable.
Your welcome is officially worn out.
In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad
right now and get you all off my land
and back where you came from! (Pause.
Then the crowd goes wild.) Oh! (to Donkey)
You! You're comin' with me.
DONKEY
All right, that's what I like to hear,
man. Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart
friends, off on a whirlwind big-city
adventure. I love it!
DONKEY
(singing) On the road again. Sing it
with me, Shrek. I can't wait to get
on the road again.
SHREK
What did I say about singing?
DONKEY
Can I whistle?
SHREK
No.
DONKEY
Can I hum it?
SHREK
All right, hum it.
Donkey begins to hum 'On the Road Again'.
DULOC - KITCHEN
A masked man is torturing the Gingerbread Man. He's continually
dunking him in a glass of milk. Lord Farquaad walks in.
FARQUAAD
That's enough. He's ready to talk.
The Gingerbread Man is pulled out of the milk and slammed down
onto a cookie sheet. Farquaad laughs as he walks over to the
table. However when he reaches the table we see that it goes
up to his eyes. He clears his throat and the table is lowered.
FARQUAAD
(he picks up the Gingerbread Man's legs
and plays with them) Run, run, run,
as fast as you can. You can't catch
me. I'm the gingerbread man.
GINGERBREAD MAN
You are a monster.
FARQUAAD
I'm not the monster here. You are. You
and the rest of that fairy tale trash,
poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell
me! Where are the others?
GINGERBREAD MAN
Eat me! (He spits milk into Farquaad's
eye.)
FARQUAAD
I've tried to be fair to you creatures.
Now my patience has reached its end!
Tell me or I'll...(he makes as if to
pull off the Gingerbread Man's buttons)
GINGERBREAD MAN
No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop
buttons.
FARQUAAD
All right then. Who's hiding them?
GINGERBREAD MAN
Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the
muffin man?
FARQUAAD
The muffin man?
GINGERBREAD MAN
The muffin man.
FARQUAAD
Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives
on Drury Lane?
GINGERBREAD MAN
Well, she's married to the muffin man.
FARQUAAD
The muffin man?
GINGERBREAD MAN
The muffin man!
FARQUAAD
She's married to the muffin man.
The door opens and the Head Guard walks in.
HEAD GUARD
My lord! We found it.
FARQUAAD
Then what are you waiting for? Bring
it in.
More guards enter carrying something that is covered by a sheet.
They hang up whatever it is and remove the sheet. It is the Magic
Mirror.
GINGERBREAD MAN
(in awe) Ohhhh...
FARQUAAD
Magic mirror...
GINGERBREAD MAN
Don't tell him anything! (Farquaad picks
him up and dumps him into a trash can
with a lid.) No!
FARQUAAD
Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall.
Is this not the most perfect kingdom
of them all?
MIRROR
Well, technically you're not a king.
FARQUAAD
Uh, Thelonius. (Thelonius holds up a
hand mirror and smashes it with his
fist.) You were saying?
MIRROR
What I mean is you're not a king yet.
But you can become one. All you have
to do is marry a princess.
FARQUAAD
Go on.
MIRROR
(chuckles nervously) So, just sit back
and relax, my lord, because it's time
for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes.
And here they are! Bachelorette number
one is a mentally abused shut-in from
a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi
and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies
include cooking and cleaning for her
two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella.
(shows picture of Cinderella) Bachelorette
number two is a cape-wearing girl from
the land of fancy. Although she lives
with seven other men, she's not easy.
Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and
find out what a live wire she is. Come
on. Give it up for Snow White! (shows
picture of Snow White) And last, but
certainly not last, bachelorette number
three is a fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded
castle surrounded by hot boiling lava!
But don't let that cool you off. She's
a loaded pistol who likes pina colads
and getting caught in the rain. Yours
for the rescuing, Princess Fiona! (Shows
picture of Princess Fiona) So will it
be bachelorette number one, bachelorette
number two or bachelorette number three?
GUARDS
Two! Two! Three! Three! Two! Two! Three!
FARQUAAD
Three? One? Three?
THELONIUS
Three! (holds up 2 fingers) Pick number
three, my lord!
FARQUAAD
Okay, okay, uh, number three!
MIRROR
Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess
Fiona.
FARQUAAD
Princess Fiona. She's perfect. All I
have to do is just find someone who
can go...
MIRROR
But I probably should mention the little
thing that happens at night.
FARQUAAD
I'll do it.
MIRROR
Yes, but after sunset...
FARQUAAD
Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona
my queen, and DuLoc will finally have
the perfect king! Captain, assemble
your finest men. We're going to have
a tournament. (smiles evilly)
DuLoc Parking Lot - Lancelot Section
Shrek and Donkey come out of the field that is right by the parking
lot. The castle itself is about 40 stories high.
DONKEY
But that's it. That's it right there.
That's DuLoc. I told ya I'd find it.
SHREK
So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle.
DONKEY
Uh-huh. That's the place.
SHREK
Do you think maybe he's compensating
for something?
(He laughs, but then
groans as Donkey doesn't get the joke.
He continues walking through the parking
lot.)
DONKEY
Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek.
MAN
Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry.
SHREK
Hey, you! (The attendant, who is wearing
a giant head that looks like Lord Farquaad,
screams and begins running through the
rows of rope to get to the front gate
to get away from Shrek.) Wait a second.
Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just

• - I just - - (He sighs and then begins

walking straight through the rows. The
attendant runs into a wall and falls
down. Shrek and Donkey look at him then
continue on into DuLoc.)
DULOC
They look around but all is quiet.
SHREK
It's quiet. Too quiet. Where is everybody?
DONKEY
Hey, look at this!
Donkey runs over and pulls a lever that is attached to a box
marked 'Information'. The music winds up and then the box doors
open up. There are little wooden people inside and they begin
to sing.
WOODEN PEOPLE
Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town
Here we have some rules
Let us lay them down
Don't make waves, stay in line
And we'll get along fine
DuLoc is perfect place
Please keep off of the grass
Shine your shoes, wipe your... face
DuLoc is, DuLoc is
DuLoc is perfect place.
Suddenly a camera takes Donkey and Shrek's picture.
DONKEY
Wow! Let's do that again! (makes ready
to run over and pull the lever again)
SHREK
(grabs Donkey's tail and holds him still)
No. No. No, no, no! No.
They hear a trumpet fanfare and head over to the arena.
FARQUAAD
Brave knights. You are the best and
brightest in all the land. Today one
of you shall prove himself...
As Shrek and Donkey walk down the tunnel to get into the arena
Donkey is humming the DuLoc theme song.
SHREK
All right. You're going the right way
for a smacked bottom.
DONKEY
Sorry about that.
FARQUAAD
That champion shall have the honor -

• no, no - - the privilege to go forth

and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona
from the fiery keep of the dragon. If
for any reason the winner is unsuccessful,
the first runner-up will take his place
and so on and so forth. Some of you
may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing
to make. (cheers) Let the tournament
begin! (He notices Shrek) Oh! What is
that? It's hideous!
SHREK
(turns to look at Donkey and then back
at Farquaad) Ah, that's not very nice.
It's just a donkey.
FARQUAAD
Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who
kills the ogre will be named champion!
Have it him!
MEN
Get him!
SHREK
Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now. (bumps
into a table where there are mugs of
beer)
CROWD
Go ahead! Get him!
SHREK
(holds up a mug of beer) Can't we just
settle this over a pint?
CROWD
Kill the beast!
SHREK
No? All right then. (drinks the beer)
Come on!
He takes the mug and smashes the spigot off the large barrel
of beer behind him. The beer comes rushing out drenching the
other men and wetting the ground. It's like mud now. Shrek slides
past the men and picks up a spear that one of the men dropped.
As Shrek begins to fight Donkey hops up onto one of the larger
beer barrels. It breaks free of it's ropes and begins to roll.
Donkey manages to squish two men into the mud. There is so much
fighting going on here I'm not going to go into detail. Suffice
to say that Shrek kicks butt.
DONKEY
Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me!
Shrek comes over and bangs a man's head up against Donkeys. Shrek
gets up on the ropes and interacts with the crowd.
SHREK
Yeah!
A man tries to sneak up behind Shrek, but Shrek turns in time
and sees him.
WOMAN
The chair! Give him the chair!
Shrek smashes a chair over the guys back. Finally all the men
are down. Donkey kicks one of them in the helmet, and the ding
sounds the end of the match. The audience goes wild.
SHREK
Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you
very much! I'm here till Thursday. Try
the veal! Ha, ha! (laughs)
The laughter stops as all of the guards turn their weapons on
Shrek.
HEAD GUARD
Shall I give the order, sir?
FARQUAAD
No, I have a better idea. People of
DuLoc, I give you our champion!
SHREK
What?
FARQUAAD
Congratulations, ogre. You're won the
honor of embarking on a great and noble
quest.
SHREK
Quest? I'm already in a quest, a quest
to get my swamp back.
FARQUAAD
Your swamp?
SHREK
Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those
fairy tale creatures!
FARQUAAD
Indeed. All right, ogre. I'll make you
a deal. Go on this quest for me, and
I'll give you your swamp back.
SHREK
Exactly the way it was?
FARQUAAD
Down to the last slime-covered toadstool.
SHREK
And the squatters?
FARQUAAD
As good as gone.
SHREK
What kind of quest?
Time Lapse - Donkey and Shrek are now walking through the field
heading away from DuLoc. Shrek is munching on an onion.
DONKEY
Let me get this straight. You're gonna
go fight a dragon and rescue a princess
just so Farquaad will give you back
a swamp which you only don't have because
he filled it full of freaks in the first
place. Is that about right?
SHREK
You know, maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
DONKEY
I don't get it. Why don't you just pull
some of that ogre stuff on him? Throttle
him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds
his bones to make your bread, the whole
ogre trip.
SHREK
Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have
decapitated an entire village and put
their heads on a pike, gotten a knife,
cut open their spleen and drink their
fluids. Does that sound good to you?
DONKEY
Uh, no, not really, no.
SHREK
For your information, there's a lot
more to ogres than people think.
DONKEY
Example?
SHREK
Example? Okay, um, ogres are like onions.
(he holds out his onion)
DONKEY
(sniffs the onion) They stink?
SHREK
Yes - - No!
DONKEY
They make you cry?
SHREK
No!
DONKEY
You leave them in the sun, they get
all brown, start sproutin' little white
hairs.
SHREK
No! Layers! Onions have layers. Ogres
have layers! Onions have layers. You
get it? We both have layers. (he heaves
a sigh and then walks off)
DONKEY
(trailing after Shrek) Oh, you both
have layers. Oh. {Sniffs} You know,
not everybody likes onions. Cake! Everybody
loves cakes! Cakes have layers.
SHREK
I don't care... what everyone likes.
Ogres are not like cakes.
DONKEY
You know what else everybody likes?
Parfaits. Have you ever met a person,
you say, "Let's get some parfait," they
say, "Hell no, I don't like no parfait"?
Parfaits are delicious.
SHREK
No! You dense, irritating, miniature
beast of burden! Ogres are like onions!
And of story. Bye-bye. See ya later.
DONKEY
Parfaits may be the most delicious thing
on the whole damn planet.
SHREK
You know, I think I preferred your humming.
DONKEY
Do you have a tissue or something? I'm
making a mess. Just the word parfait
make me start slobbering.
They head off. There is a montage of their journey. Walking through
a field at sunset. Sleeping beneath a bright moon. Shrek trying
to put the campfire out the next day and having a bit of a problem,
so Donkey pees on the fire to put it out.
DRAGON'S KEEP
Shrek and Donkey are walking up to the keep that's supposed to
house Princess Fiona. It appears to look like a giant volcano.
DONKEY
(sniffs) Ohh! Shrek! Did you do that?
You gotta warn somebody before you just
crack one off. My mouth was open and
everything.
SHREK
Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd
be dead. (sniffs) It's brimstone. We
must be getting close.
DONKEY
Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking
about it's the brimstone. I know what
I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It
didn't come off no stone neither.
They climb up the side of the volcano/keep and look down. There
is a small piece of rock right in the center and that is where
the castle is. It is surrounded by boiling lava. It looks very
foreboding.
SHREK
Sure, it's big enough, but look at the
location. (laughs...then the laugh turns
into a groan)
DONKEY
Uh, Shrek? Uh, remember when you said
ogres have layers?
SHREK
Oh, aye.
DONKEY
Well, I have a bit of a confession to
make. Donkeys don't have layers. We
wear our fear right out there on our
sleeves.
SHREK
Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves.
DONKEY
You know what I mean.
SHREK
You can't tell me you're afraid of heights.
DONKEY
No, I'm just a little uncomfortable
about being on a rickety bridge over
a boiling like of lava!
SHREK
Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside
ya, okay? For emotional support., we'll
just tackle this thing together one
little baby step at a time.
DONKEY
Really?
SHREK
Really, really.
DONKEY
Okay, that makes me feel so much better.
SHREK
Just keep moving. And don't look down.
DONKEY
Okay, don't look down. Don't look down.
Don't look down. Keep on moving. Don't
look down. (he steps through a rotting
board and ends up looking straight down
into the lava) Shrek! I'm lookin' down!
Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me
off, please!
SHREK
But you're already halfway.
DONKEY
But I know that half is safe!
SHREK
Okay, fine. I don't have time for this.
You go back.
DONKEY
Shrek, no! Wait!
SHREK
Just, Donkey - - Let's have a dance
then, shall me? (bounces and sways the
bridge)
DONKEY
Don't do that!
SHREK
Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? Oh, this? (bounces
the bridge again)
DONKEY
Yes, that!
SHREK
Yes? Yes, do it. Okay. (continues to
bounce and sway as he backs Donkey across
the bridge)
DONKEY
No, Shrek! No! Stop it!
SHREK
You said do it! I'm doin' it.
DONKEY
I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek,
I'm gonna die. (steps onto solid ground)
Oh!
SHREK
That'll do, Donkey. That'll do. (walks
towards the castle)
DONKEY
Cool. So where is this fire-breathing
pain-in-the-neck anyway?
SHREK
Inside, waiting for us to rescue her.
(chuckles)
DONKEY
I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek.
INSIDE THE CASTLE
DONKEY
You afraid?
SHREK
No.
DONKEY
But...
SHREK
Shh.
DONKEY
Oh, good. Me neither. (sees a skeleton
and gasps) 'Cause there's nothin' wrong
with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible
response to an unfamiliar situation.
Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might
add. With a dragon that breathes fire
and eats knights and breathes fire,
it sure doesn't mean you're a coward
if you're a little scared. I sure as
heck ain't no coward. I know that.
SHREK
Donkey, two things, okay? Shut ... up.
Now go over there and see if you can
find any stairs.
DONKEY
Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for
the princess.
SHREK
(putting on a helmet) The princess will
be up the stairs in the highest room
in the tallest tower.
DONKEY
What makes you think she'll be there?
SHREK
I read it in a book once. (walks off)
DONKEY
Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle
the stairs. I'll find those stairs.
I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs
won't know which way they're goin'.
(walks off)
EMPTY ROOM
Donkey is still talking to himself as he looks around the room.
DONKEY
I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it
to the curb. Don't mess with me. I'm
the stair master. I've mastered the
stairs. I wish I had a step right here.
I'd step all over it.
ELSEWHERE
Shrek spots a light in the tallest tower window.
SHREK
Well, at least we know where the princess
is, but where's the...
DONKEY
(os) Dragon!
Donkey gasps and takes off running as the dragon roars again.
Shrek manages to grab Donkey out of the way just as the dragon
breathes fire.
SHREK
Donkey, look out! (he manages to get
a hold of the dragons tail and holds
on) Got ya!
The dragon gets irritated at this and flicks it's tail and Shrek
goes flying through the air and crashes through the roof of the
tallest tower. Fiona wakes up with a jerk and looks at him lying
on the floor.
DONKEY
Oh! Aah! Aah!
Donkey get cornered as the Dragon knocks away all but a small
part of the bridge he's on.
DONKEY
No. Oh, no, No! (the dragon roars) Oh,
what large teeth you have. (the dragon
growls) I mean white, sparkling teeth.
I know you probably hear this all time
from your food, but you must bleach,
'cause that is one dazzling smile you
got there. Do I detect a hint of minty
freshness? And you know what else? You're

• - You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure!

I mean, of course you're a girl dragon.
You're just reeking of feminine beauty.
(the dragon begins fluttering her eyes
at him) What's the matter with you?
You got something in your eye? Ohh.
Oh. Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay,
but you know, I'm, uh...(the dragon
blows a smoke ring in the shape of a
heart right at him, and he coughs) I'm
an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd
work out if you're gonna blow smoke
rings. Shrek! (the dragon picks him
up with her teeth and carries him off)
No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!
FIONA'S ROOM
Shrek groans as he gets up off the floor. His back is to Fiona
so she straightens her dress and lays back down on the bed. She
then quickly reaches over and gets the bouquet of flowers off
the side table. She then lays back down and appears to be asleep.
Shrek turns and goes over to her. He looks down at Fiona for
a moment and she puckers her lips. Shrek takes her by the shoulders
and shakes her away.
FIONA
Oh! Oh!
SHREK
Wake up!
FIONA
What?
SHREK
Are you Princess Fiona?
FIONA
I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to
rescue me.
SHREK
Oh, that's nice. Now let's go!
FIONA
But wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our
first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful,
romantic moment?
SHREK
Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time.
FIONA
Hey, wait. What are you doing? You should
sweep me off my feet out yonder window
and down a rope onto your valiant steed.
SHREK
You've had a lot of time to plan this,
haven't you?
FIONA
(smiles) Mm-hmm.
Shrek breaks the lock on her door and pulls her out and down
the hallway.
FIONA
But we have to savor this moment! You
could recite an epic poem for me. A
ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something!
SHREK
I don't think so.
FIONA
Can I at least know the name of my champion?
SHREK
Uh, Shrek.
FIONA
Sir Shrek. (clears throat and holds
out a handkerchief) I pray that you
take this favor as a token of my gratitude.
SHREK
Thanks!
Suddenly they hear the dragon roar.
FIONA
(surprised)You didn't slay the dragon?
SHREK
It's on my to-do list. Now come on!
(takes off running and drags Fiona behind
him.)
FIONA
But this isn't right! You were meant
to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying.
That's what all the other knights did.
SHREK
Yeah, right before they burst into flame.
FIONA
That's not the point. (Shrek suddenly
stops and she runs into him.) Oh! (Shrek
ignores her and heads for a wooden door
off to the side.) Wait. Where are you
going? The exit's over there.
SHREK
Well, I have to save my ass.
FIONA
What kind of knight are you?
SHREK
One of a kind. (opens the door into
the throne room)
DONKEY
(os) Slow down. Slow down, baby, please.
I believe it's healthy to get to know
someone over a long period of time.
Just call me old-fashioned. (laughs
worriedly) (we see him up close and
from a distance as Shrek sneaks into
the room) I don't want to rush into
a physical relationship. I'm not emotionally
ready for a commitment of, uh, this

• - Magnitude really is the word I'm

looking for. Magnitude- - Hey, that
is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what
are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just
back up a little and take this one step
at a time. We really should get to know
each other first as friends or pen pals.
I'm on the road a lot, but I just love
receiving cards - - I'd really love
to stay, but - - Don't do that! That's
my tail! That's my personal tail. You're
gonna tear it off. I don't give permission

• - What are you gonna do with that?

Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No.
No, no, no. No! Oh!
Shrek grabs a chain that's connected to the chandelier and swings
toward the dragon. He misses and he swings back again. He looks
up and spots that the chandelier is right above the dragons head.
He pulls on the chain and it releases and he falls down and bumps
Donkey out of the way right as the dragon is about to kiss him.
Instead the dragon kisses Shreks' butt. She opens her eyes and
roars. Shrek lets go of the chain and the chandelier falls onto
her head, but it's too big and it goes over her head and forms
a sort of collar for her. She roars again and Shrek and Donkey
take off running. Very 'Matrix' style. Shrek grabs Donkey and
then grabs Princess Fiona as he runs past her.
DONKEY
Hi, Princess!
FIONA
It talks!
SHREK
Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's
the trick.
They all start screaming as the dragon gains on them. Shrek spots
a descending slide and jumps on. But unfortunately there is a
crack in the stone and it hits Shrek right in the groin. His
eyes cross and as he reaches the bottom of the slide he stumbles
off and walks lightly.
SHREK
Oh!
Shrek gets them close to the exit and sets down Donkey and Fiona.
SHREK
Okay, you two, heard for the exit! I'll
take care of the dragon.
Shrek grabs a sword and heads back toward the interior of the
castle. He throws the sword down in between several overlapping
chain links. The chain links are attached to the chandelier that
is still around the dragons neck.
SHREK
(echoing) Run!
They all take off running for the exit with the dragon in hot
pursuit. They make it to the bridge and head across. The dragons
breathes fire and the bridge begins to burn. They all hang on
for dear life as the ropes holding the bridge up collapse. They
are swung to the other side. As they hang upside down they look
in horror as the dragon makes to fly over the boiling lava to
get them. But suddenly the chandelier with the chain jerk the
dragon back and she's unable to get to them. Our gang climbs
quickly to safety as the dragon looks angry and then gives a
sad whimper as she watches Donkey walk away.
FIONA
(sliding down the 'volcano' hill) You
did it! You rescued me! You're amazing.
(behind her Donkey falls down the hill)
You're - - You're wonderful. You're...
(turns and sees Shrek fall down the
hill and bump into Donkey) a little
unorthodox I'll admit. But thy deed
is great, and thy heart is pure. I am
eternally in your debt. (Donkey clears
his throat.) And where would a brave
knight be without his noble steed?
DONKEY
I hope you heard that. She called me
a noble steed. She think I'm a steed.
FIONA
The battle is won. You may remove your
helmet, good Sir Knight.
S
of Farquaad's stature are in short supply.
(he and Donkey laugh)
Shrek then proceeds to splash water onto his face to wash off
the dust and grime.
DONKEY
I don't

SHREK Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but non prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. (laughs) Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of - (toilet flush)
Allstar - by Smashmouth begins to play. Shrek goes about his day. While in a nearby town, the villagers get together to go after the ogre. NIGHT - NEAR SHREK'S HOME
MAN1 Think it's in there?
MAN2 All right. Let's get it!
MAN1 Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you?
MAN3 Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's
Shrek sneaks up behind them and laughs.
SHREK Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres, oh they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin.
MEN No! SHREK They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast.
MAN1 Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! (waves the torch at Shrek.)
Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch. The men shrink back away from him. Shrek roars very loudly and long and his breath extinguishes all the remaining torches until the men are in the dark.
SHREK This is the part where you run away. (The men scramble to get away. He laughs.) And stay out! (looks down and picks up a piece of paper. Reads.) "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures."(He sighs and throws the paper over his shoulder.)
THE NEXT DAY
There is a line of fairy tale creatures. The head of the guard sits at a table paying people for bringing the fairy tale creatures to him. There are cages all around. Some of the people in line are Peter Pan, who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage, Gipetto who's carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer who is carrying the three little pigs. GUARD All right. This one's full. Take it away! Move it along. Come on! Get up!
HEAD GUARD Next!
GUARD (taking the witch's broom) Give me that! Your flying days are over. (breaks the broom in half)
HEAD GUARD That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next!
GUARD Get up! Come on!
HEAD GUARD Twenty pieces.
LITTLE BEAR (crying) This cage is too small.
DONKEY Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance!
OLD WOMAN Oh, shut up. (jerks his rope)
DONKEY Oh!
HEAD GUARD Next! What have you got?
GIPETTO This little wooden puppet.
PINOCCHIO I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. (his nose grows)
HEAD GUARD Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.
PINOCCHIO Father, please! Don't let them do this! Help me!
Gipetto takes the money and walks off. The old woman steps up to the table.
HEAD GUARD Next! What have you got?
OLD WOMAN Well, I've got a talking donkey.
HEAD GUARD Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it.
OLD WOMAN Oh, go ahead, little fella.
Donkey just looks up at her.
HEAD GUARD Well?
OLD WOMAN Oh, oh, he's just...he's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt...
HEAD GUARD That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!
OLD WOMAN No, no, he talks! He does. (pretends to be Donkey) I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw.
HEAD GUARD Get her out of my sight.
OLD WOMAN No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk!
The guards grab the old woman and she struggles with them. One of her legs flies out and kicks Tinkerbell out of Peter Pan's hands, and her cage drops on Donkey's head. He gets sprinkled with fairy dust and he's able to fly.
DONKEY Hey! I can fly!
PETER PAN He can fly!
3 LITTLE PIGS He can fly!
HEAD GUARD He can talk!
DONKEY Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! (the pixie dust begins to wear off) Uh-oh. (he begins to sink to the ground.)
He hits the ground with a thud.
HEAD GUARD Seize him! (Donkey takes of running.) After him!
GUARDS He's getting away! Get him! This way! Turn!
Donkey keeps running and he eventually runs into Shrek. Literally. Shrek turns around to see who bumped into him. Donkey looks scared for a moment then he spots the guards coming up the path. He quickly hides behind Shrek.
HEAD GUARD You there. Ogre!
SHREK Aye?
HEAD GUARD By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a designated resettlement facility.
SHREK Oh, really? You and what army?
He looks behind the guard and the guard turns to look as well and we see that the other men have run off. The guard tucks tail and runs off. Shrek laughs and goes back about his business and begins walking back to his cottage.
DONKEY Can I say something to you? Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. Incredible!
SHREK Are you talkin' to...(he turns around and Donkey is gone) me? (he turns back around and Donkey is right in front of him.) Whoa!
DONKEY Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great back here? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that.
SHREK Oh, that's great. Really.
DONKEY Man, it's good to be free.
SHREK Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm?
DONKEY But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us.
Shrek turns and regards Donkey for a moment before roaring very loudly.
DONKEY Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause you breath stinks! You almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time...(Shrek covers his mouth but Donkey continues to talk, so Shrek removes his hand.) ...then I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases leaking out of my butt that day.
SHREK Why are you following me?
DONKEY I'll tell you why. (singing) 'Cause I'm all alone, There's no one here beside me, My problems have all gone, There's no one to deride me, But you gotta have faith...
SHREK Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends.
DONKEY Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest.
SHREK Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I?
DONKEY (looks all the way up at Shrek) Uh ...really tall?
SHREK No! I'm an ogre! You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't that bother you?
DONKEY Nope.
SHREK Really?
DONKEY Really, really.
SHREK Oh.
DONKEY Man, I like you. What's you name?
SHREK Uh, Shrek.
DONKEY Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. (They come over a hill and you can see Shrek's cottage.) Whoa! Look at that. Who'd want to live in place like that?
SHREK That would be my home.
DONKEY Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know you are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. I guess you don't entertain much, do you?
SHREK I like my privacy.
DONKEY You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You've trying to give them a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence. (awkward silence) Can I stay wit' you?
SHREK Uh, what?
DONKEY Can I stay wit' you, please?
SHREK (sarcastically) Of course!
DONKEY Really?
SHREK No.
DONKEY Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak. (pause while he looks at Shrek) Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please!
SHREK Okay! Okay! But one night only.
DONKEY Ah! Thank you! (he runs inside the cottage)
SHREK What are you...? (Donkey hops up onto a chair.) No! No!
DONKEY This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the mornin' I'm makin' waffles.
SHREK Oh!
DONKEY Where do, uh, I sleep?
SHREK (irritated) Outside!
DONKEY Oh, well, I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know. Here I go. Good night. (Shrek slams the door.) (sigh) I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. By myself, outside. I'm all alone...there's no one here beside me...
SHREK'S COTTAGE - NIGHT
Shrek is getting ready for dinner. He sits himself down and lights a candle made out of earwax. He begins to eat when he hears a noise. He stands up with a huff.
SHREK (to Donkey) I thought I told you to stay outside.
DONKEY (from the window) I am outside.
There is another noise and Shrek turns to find the person that made the noise. He sees several shadows moving. He finally turns and spots 3 blind mice on his table.
BLIND MOUSE1 Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have?
BLIND MOUSE2 It's not home, but it'll do just fine.
GORDO (bouncing on a slug) What a lovely bed.
SHREK Got ya. (Grabs a mouse, but it escapes and lands on his shoulder.)
GORDO I found some cheese. (bites Shrek's ear)
SHREK Ow!
GORDO Blah! Awful stuff.
BLIND MOUSE1 Is that you, Gordo?
GORDO How did you know?
SHREK Enough! (he grabs the 3 mice) What are you doing in my house? (He gets bumped from behind and he drops the mice.) Hey! (he turns and sees the Seven Dwarves with Snow White on the table.) Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table.
DWARF Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken.
SHREK Huh?
Shrek marches over to the bedroom and throws back the curtain. The Big Bad Wolf is sitting in the bed. The wolf just looks at him.
BIG BAD WOLF What?
TIME LAPSE
Shrek now has the Big Bad Wolf by the collar and is dragging him to the front door.
SHREK I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying ogre! What do I have to do get a little privacy? (He opens the front door to throw the Wolf out and he sees that all the collected Fairy Tale Creatures are on his land.) Oh, no. No! No!
The 3 bears sit around the fire, the pied piper is playing his pipe and the rats are all running to him, some elves are directing flight traffic so that the fairies and witches can land...etc.
SHREK What are you doing in my swamp? (this echoes and everyone falls silent.)
Gasps are heard all around. The 3 good fairies hide inside a tent.
SHREK All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! Come on! Let's go! Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey! Quickly. Come on! (more dwarves run inside the house) No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there. (they shut the door on him) Oh! (turns to look at Donkey)
DONKEY Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them.
PINOCCHIO Oh, gosh, no one invited us.
SHREK What?
PINOCCHIO We were forced to come here.
SHREK (flabbergasted) By who?
LITTLE PIG Lord Farquaad. He huffed and he puffed and he...signed an eviction notice.
SHREK (heavy sigh) All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is?
Everyone looks around at each other but no one answers.
DONKEY Oh, I do. I know where he is.
SHREK Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all?
DONKEY Me! Me!
SHREK Anyone?
DONKEY Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me!
SHREK (sigh) Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now and get you all off my land and back where you came from! (Pause. Then the crowd goes wild.) Oh! (to Donkey) You! You're comin' with me.
DONKEY All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it!
DONKEY (singing) On the road again. Sing it with me, Shrek. I can't wait to get on the road again.
SHREK What did I say about singing?
DONKEY Can I whistle?
SHREK No.
DONKEY Can I hum it?
SHREK All right, hum it.
Donkey begins to hum 'On the Road Again'.
DULOC - KITCHEN
A masked man is torturing the Gingerbread Man. He's continually dunking him in a glass of milk. Lord Farquaad walks in.
FARQUAAD That's enough. He's ready to talk.
The Gingerbread Man is pulled out of the milk and slammed down onto a cookie sheet. Farquaad laughs as he walks over to the table. However when he reaches the table we see that it goes up to his eyes. He clears his throat and the table is lowered.
FARQUAAD (he picks up the Gingerbread Man's legs and plays with them) Run, run, run, as fast as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man.
GINGERBREAD MAN You are a monster.
FARQUAAD I'm not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the others?
GINGERBREAD MAN Eat me! (He spits milk into Farquaad's eye.)
FARQUAAD I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached its end! Tell me or I'll...(he makes as if to pull off the Gingerbread Man's buttons)
GINGERBREAD MAN No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons.
FARQUAAD All right then. Who's hiding them?
GINGERBREAD MAN Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man?
FARQUAAD The muffin man?
GINGERBREAD MAN The muffin man.
FARQUAAD Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane?
GINGERBREAD MAN Well, she's married to the muffin man.
FARQUAAD The muffin man?
GINGERBREAD MAN The muffin man!
FARQUAAD She's married to the muffin man.
The door opens and the Head Guard walks in.
HEAD GUARD My lord! We found it.
FARQUAAD Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in.
More guards enter carrying something that is covered by a sheet. They hang up whatever it is and remove the sheet. It is the Magic Mirror.
GINGERBREAD MAN (in awe) Ohhhh...
FARQUAAD Magic mirror...
GINGERBREAD MAN Don't tell him anything! (Farquaad picks him up and dumps him into a trash can with a lid.) No!
FARQUAAD Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all?
MIRROR Well, technically you're not a king.
FARQUAAD Uh, Thelonius. (Thelonius holds up a hand mirror and smashes it with his fist.) You were saying?
MIRROR What I mean is you're not a king yet. But you can become one. All you have to do is marry a princess.
FARQUAAD Go on.
MIRROR (chuckles nervously) So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella. (shows picture of Cinderella) Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come on. Give it up for Snow White! (shows picture of Snow White) And last, but certainly not last, bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava! But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes pina colads and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona! (Shows picture of Princess Fiona) So will it be bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three?
GUARDS Two! Two! Three! Three! Two! Two! Three!
FARQUAAD Three? One? Three?
THELONIUS Three! (holds up 2 fingers) Pick number three, my lord!
FARQUAAD Okay, okay, uh, number three!
MIRROR Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona.
FARQUAAD Princess Fiona. She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go...
MIRROR But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night.
FARQUAAD I'll do it.
MIRROR Yes, but after sunset...
FARQUAAD Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and DuLoc will finally have the perfect king! Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament. (smiles evilly)
DuLoc Parking Lot - Lancelot Section
Shrek and Donkey come out of the field that is right by the parking lot. The castle itself is about 40 stories high.
DONKEY But that's it. That's it right there. That's DuLoc. I told ya I'd find it.
SHREK So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle.
DONKEY Uh-huh. That's the place.
SHREK Do you think maybe he's compensating (He laughs, but then groans as Donkey doesn't get the joke. He continues walking through the parking lot.)
DONKEY Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek.
MAN Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry.
SHREK Hey, you! (The attendant, who is wearing a giant head that looks like Lord Farquaad, screams and begins running through the rows of rope to get to the front gate to get away from Shrek.) Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just - - I just - - (He sighs and then begins walking straight through the rows. The attendant runs into a wall and falls down. Shrek and Donkey look at him then continue on into DuLoc.)
DULOC
They look around but all is quiet.
SHREK It's quiet. Too quiet. Where is everybody?
DONKEY Hey, look at this!
Donkey runs over and pulls a lever that is attached to a box marked 'Information'. The music winds up and then the box doors open up. There are little wooden people inside and they begin to sing.
WOODEN PEOPLE Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town
Here we have some rules
Let us lay them down
Don't make waves, stay in line
And we'll get along fine
DuLoc is perfect place
Please keep off of the grass
Shine your shoes, wipe your... face
DuLoc is, DuLoc is
DuLoc is perfect place.
Suddenly a camera takes Donkey and Shrek's picture.
DONKEY Wow! Let's do that again! (makes ready to run over and pull the lever again)
SHREK (grabs Donkey's tail and holds him still) No. No. No, no, no! No.
They hear a trumpet fanfare and head over to the arena.
FARQUAAD Brave knights. You are the best and brightest in all the land. Today one of you shall prove himself...
As Shrek and Donkey walk down the tunnel to get into the arena Donkey is humming the DuLoc theme song.
SHREK All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom.
DONKEY Sorry about that.
FARQUAAD That champion shall have the honor - - no, no - - the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his place and so on and so forth. Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make. (cheers) Let the tournament begin! (He notices Shrek) Oh! What is that? It's hideous!
SHREK (turns to look at Donkey and then back at Farquaad) Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey.
FARQUAAD Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the ogre will be named champion! Have it him!
MEN Get him!
SHREK Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now. (bumps into a table where there are mugs of beer)
CROWD Go ahead! Get him!
SHREK (holds up a mug of beer) Can't we just settle this over a pint?
CROWD Kill the beast!
SHREK No? All right then. (drinks the beer) Come on!
He takes the mug and smashes the spigot off the large barrel of beer behind him. The beer comes rushing out drenching the other men and wetting the ground. It's like mud now. Shrek slides past the men and picks up a spear that one of the men dropped. As Shrek begins to fight Donkey hops up onto one of the larger beer barrels. It breaks free of it's ropes and begins to roll. Donkey manages to squish two men into the mud. There is so much fighting going on here I'm not going to go into detail. Suffice to say that Shrek kicks butt.
DONKEY Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me!
Shrek comes over and bangs a man's head up against Donkeys. Shrek gets up on the ropes and interacts with the crowd.
SHREK Yeah!
A man tries to sneak up behind Shrek, but Shrek turns in time and sees him.
WOMAN The chair! Give him the chair!
Shrek smashes a chair over the guys back. Finally all the men are down. Donkey kicks one of them in the helmet, and the ding sounds the end of the match. The audience goes wild.
SHREK Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha! (laughs)
The laughter stops as all of the guards turn their weapons on Shrek.
HEAD GUARD Shall I give the order, sir?
FARQUAAD No, I have a better idea. People of DuLoc, I give you our champion!
SHREK What?
FARQUAAD Congratulations, ogre. You're won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest.
SHREK Quest? I'm already in a quest, a quest to get my swamp back.
FARQUAAD Your swamp?
SHREK Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those fairy tale creatures!
FARQUAAD Indeed. All right, ogre. I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back.
SHREK Exactly the way it was?
FARQUAAD Down to the last slime-covered toadstool.
SHREK And the squatters?
FARQUAAD As good as gone.
SHREK What kind of quest?
Time Lapse - Donkey and Shrek are now walking through the field heading away from DuLoc. Shrek is munching on an onion.
DONKEY Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. Is that about right?
SHREK You know, maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk.
DONKEY I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that ogre stuff on him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds his bones to make your bread, the whole ogre trip.
SHREK Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you?
DONKEY Uh, no, not really, no.
SHREK For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think.
DONKEY Example?
SHREK Example? Okay, um, ogres are like onions. (he holds out his onion)
DONKEY (sniffs the onion) They stink?
SHREK Yes - - No!
DONKEY They make you cry?
SHREK No!
DONKEY You leave them in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs.
SHREK No! Layers! Onions have layers. Ogres have layers! Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. (he heaves a sigh and then walks off)

Good evening everyone! I come to you today with everyone's favorite pokey boy. As always, I greatly appreciate all of you for reading, and hope you enjoy everything to come.
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Memory transcription subject: Captain Sovlin, Federation Fleet Command Date [standardized Earth time]: August 21, 2136
The situation surrounding the Skalgan continued to grow more and more confusing as the days went on, and I was getting closer and closer to losing my patience. First came Tarva’s official announcement about first contact, bringing the knowledge of the Skalgan’s existence to the public. Nearly immediately after, she announced she’d be closing space ports and communications while they established communications and relations with the Skalgan homeworld. Foreign visitors to the planet only had a short time to leave before everything was shut down. After that, silence.
Nearly every member of the Federation was waiting with baited breath for any word from the Venlil government, anything to indicate how first contact was going. Even my message to Tarva had been for the most part dismissed with no further discussion. This was strange behavior, especially with the major Federation members trying their hardest to talk their way into meeting the Slakgan in person. Yet all attempts were met with the same message. “The Skalgan have requested that all diplomatic dealings are done exclusively with the Venlil people for the time being. Please be respectful of their wishes.”
Then came the call from Piri, the Gojid prime minister. She was not happy, demanding I speak with her despite it being in the middle of my sleep cycle. When I answered, she immediately went off. “What is this I’m hearing about you stirring up trouble for the Venlil?” She growled. My still sleepy brain didn’t quite register what she was talking about, earning me an annoyed growl from Piri. “Sovlin. Wake up. The Skalgan caught the spy operation that you launched against them.”That snapped me to wakefulness, and brought with it a wave of dread. “They-... Ma’am, I assure you I have an explanation for what’s going on.”“I sure hope you do, because Tarva called and told me that this has put diplomatic talks with the Skalgan in a precarious place. We’re lucky that they only think it was a rogue survey crew that showed up in their territory, but imagine my surprise when the pictures of the crew they showed me included your First Officer.” She forwarded me four images. One was of the ship itself, and the other three were portrait shots of the crew. Sure enough, it was them. Recel stared at the camera with a distracted, almost dazed look in his eyes, while the other two looked terrified. “They’ve been taken prisoner? Are they okay?”
“As far as I’ve been told, they’re okay.” Piri sighed. “Scared out of their minds, but who wouldn’t be when taken prisoner by a previously unknown alien civilization. Tarva has assured me that they won’t be harmed, but it’ll take time to negotiate their release. The Skalgan are not happy with being intruded upon.” Guilt stabbed at my heart as I stared at the photos. Even if they were okay, they were there because I allowed them to go. I gave them all the opportunities to reconsider, but they still went through with it. Even if it was their choice, I was the one that created and authorized the plan. “I’m sorry for the trouble this has caused, Ma’am. I have reason to believe that the Skalgan are hiding something from us, and that is why they’ve been so reclusive. Whatever it is, they’ve roped the Venlil into it too. I was hoping that this mission could help us better understand what is going on with them.”
The prime minister tilted her head in thought, weighing my words against the trouble my actions have brought. “I too want to know what’s going on, Sovlin, as does the whole Federation. We’re lucky the Venlil nor the Skalgan have accused us of espionage, but stirring up more trouble could get us in trouble with the wider Federation. For now, keep an eye on the borders and let me know if there’re any new developments. Do not antagonize them further.”“Understood ma’am. I’ll keep in touch.” I closed the channel and let out a long sigh as I sat back in my seat. I was glad to have been in my personal quarters for that exchange. Getting a stern talking to in front of my bridge crew would have been embarrassing. But now I at least had the blessing of the prime minister to do more than twiddle my thumbs. I called up to the bridge as I began making my way out of my quarters. “Set a course for a patrol along the Venlil border. I’ll be on the bridge in a minute.”
When I arrived, I received the usual salutes from the bridge crew as I settled into my chair. “Alright, once we’re at the border, keep an eye on both the radar and signal interceptors. Maybe we’ll catch something of interest.” I didn’t know if there would be anything this close to the border of note. The closest Venlil structure was an outpost well outside of sensor and signal range. We might at most catch sight of some ships in the far off distance, but that would be all we could do on our side of the border.
“Sir… you’re gonna want to have a look at this.” Said Fara, my temporary first officer. The young Gojid forwarded the sensor data to my console, and my eyes grew wide with horror at what I was seeing. On approach towards the border were several ships of Arxur make, at least three of them of the bomber variety. The kind of ships that would be used to attack a planet or outpost. “Speh! Get a visual on the ships and charge the weapons.” I shouted. My first concern was that we had arrived at the tail end of a raid against the nearby outpost. There had been no distress signal, yet the Venlil hardly had the means to fight off an attack this far out from their homeworld. I feared that the Arxur had attacked too quickly for the Venlil to call for help.“I got a visual!” Fara shouted. The main display adjusted to show the three ships that approached us. The first indication that something was off was the damaged state the ships were in. They were practically shredded, lined with holes from weapon fire and missing chunks of hull. The ships looked like they were barely hanging on, their engines struggling to propel them. Before I could voice my surprise, Fara spoke again. “Captain, I’m counting… nearly thirty- No, fifty ships giving chase. Some of them are battle ships in size, but they’re of an unknown design.”
Battle ships out this far from Venlil Prime? The Venlil didn’t have the fleet power to send such large ships on patrol, unless… “Plot an intercept course! As soon as the unknown ships are in range, hail them. Ready weapons to fire on the Arxur as soon as they’re in range.”
It was a big assumption I was making, but if I was right, this would be our first look at the Skalgan’s military capabilities. As the Arxur ships limped towards the border, several fighter crafts continued to pepper the larger ships. Their weapons for the most part were ineffective against the Arxur’s armor, but a hit on a weak spot would still do serious damage. The Arxur’s own weapon fire was focused on the much more agile fighters, leaving them wide open to the larger guns of the battle ships. One of battleships fired a railgun shot that pierced the rear of one Arxur ship, immediately detonating its engines and causing the whole craft to tear apart. Another ship tried maneuvering away as they started drawing closer to us, only to lose power to their engines to fighter fire and drift uncontrollably across the border line. Our own guns shook our ship as they fired, tearing the bomber in half. That left one last bomber.“Captain! The last ship is on a ramming course for us!” Fara yelled. The last Arxur vessel sped over the border, engines burning out of control as their ship sped towards us. “Take evasive action! Fire anything we have! All decks, brace for impact!” With our railgun recharging, we lacked the decisive blow to destroy the ship before it could reach us. Everyone on the bridge cowered and held on as the Arxur ship continued to accelerate at speeds that would tear our ship open. Our own engines tried to adjust our course, but it looked like we were gonna collide.
The lead Skalgan battleship suddenly fired its railcannon again, the shot piercing the Arxur and causing the ship to shatter. The debris rained against our hull, briefly throwing us off balance as our ship’s gravity struggled to counteract the impact. Once we were steady, I looked down at my console and was relieved to see there had been no breaches. The whole bridge let out a collective sigh of relief as the last of the Arxure were destroyed. “...Fara… is the hailing channel open?” I asked. The poor girl was still recovering from the rattling, slowly returning to her seat after falling out of it. “Y-yes captain. It… Okay, it’s open now.”I turned my attention to the screen and awaited a response. It took longer than I would have liked to be answered. During the wait, the Skalgan fighters retreated back over the border, where the idly sat alongside the battleships. Finally, we got an answer, though the hail was being patched through to the outpost. When the video feed came live, I saw a familiar face in the form of Kam, and an unfamiliar individual that I quickly noted was a Skalgan.“Captain Sovlin. It’s a surprise to see you here.” Kam said. He was trying to put on an appearance of confidence, but I could see he was quite rattled. His eyes darted about and his ears couldn’t seem to sit still. “I’m sorry that you had to get involved in this skirmish, but we appreciate the assistance nonetheless. The situation is under control, and we’re lucky to have had only minimal losses.”“Well it looked like you got plenty of help from your new friends.” I said, gesturing a claw towards the Skalgan. “Who’s he?”
Kam glanced towards the well decorated individual. Before he could speak, the Skalgan spoke up. “I am Kalgar Fredricson, Fleet Admiral. You can thank my boys for saving you from getting torn in half. Honestly, those Arxur picked the worst time to attack, showing up during a live fire demonstration. I doubt they lived long enough to regret their mistake.”I was all for tearing up the grays, but this previously unknown fleet that now sat on the doorstep of Gojid space had me concerned. “You seem to have quite the fleet, admiral. Though I’m confused as to why you feel the need to have such strong forces if your homeworld is unknown to the Arxur.”
The admiral huffed. “We’ve been worried about a threat that predates our first contact with the Venlil. After all, my ancestors wouldn’t have fled Skalga without good reason, and we wouldn’t let ourselves be caught off-guard again.”
I tried my best to read the admiral. He seemed to share some of the body language of the Venlil, but that only brought me more confusion. This man held himself tall and proud, practically looking down on me with the way his head slightly tilted up. This was a person who wasn’t afraid to use the position of power he held as he saw fit. “Well it seems like you certainly caught the Arxur by surprise. I can commend you for that. However, I can’t help but have concerns over the number of ships you have here on our border. Demonstration or not, you’re a Non-Federation force that is putting on a display of military power an ear flick away from us. I’d like to know the reason.”
The admiral gave a dismissive wave with his tail. “This site was chosen by Governor Tarva. If you have issues with the location, you can bring it up with her. In addition, these demonstrations have been done in an effort to help train and bulk up the Venlil forces. We were shown what happened in the last Arxur raid on their planet. I’m sure you understand why they’d never want that to happen again.”
Although a reasonable explanation, I still didn’t like the idea that a foreign military force was now colluding with one of our allies without us being permitted to get involved. Everything about the Skalgan felt shifty. “Well, as much as I’m sure they appreciate your aid, I can assure you that the Federation had taken good care of the Venlil for many generations. The Arxur are no match against our combined might.”
“Yet they continue to raid your planets, destroy your colonies, and kidnap citizens for livestock.” Kalgar said bluntly. “A war that’s been going on for generations, yet has been in an endless stalemate, despite the sheer numerical advantage the Federation should have. It honestly makes me doubt the efficacy of the Federation’s military.”
My spines began to rise at the insulting words the admiral spoke. “Don’t you dare speak of us that way. I’ve watched good people die defending their homes from that predator menace. I’ve seen children torn apart before my eyes. I will not tolerate you throwing these accusations at me or my people!”
The admiral's ears twitched in anger. He started to speak again, but Kam quickly cut him off. “T-that’s enough. Please. We just went through a tense engagement. I believe we should return to our duties and tend to our damaged vessels.” The admiral glared at Kam, though after a moment gave an ear flick in agreement. “Indeed. We have matters to attend to. I’m sure you have many questions, Captain Sovlin, but they’ll have to wait. The Skalgan people will be speaking at the upcoming Federation summit. Hopefully that will provide whatever answers you’re looking for. As for now, unless you need anything else from us, we’ll be signing off.”
I couldn’t think of a reason to keep the admiral, despite my desires to interrogate him for all he had. With a reluctant sigh, I gave a wave with my claws. “Very well. I look forward to what your people have to say at the summit.” The channel closed, and I let out a long, frustrated growl. I swore these Skalgan were gonna make my fur go gray. This interaction did nothing to help my opinion of them. “Keep on the signal interceptors while we do repairs. If they’re up to something, I wanna make sure we know about it.” I said. While the crew worked, I made a mental note of the things I’d be telling the Prime Minister. These Skalgan were getting so cozy with the Venlil, to the point where I was wondering who was calling the shots.
The potential for a military coup by the Skalgan came to mind, though I still didn’t believe they could have the manpower to pull something like that off. In fact, where were they getting their manpower from? Scans showed that all the ships were occupied, the battleships in particular having a full crew. Perhaps it was a mix of Skalgan and Venlil. Maybe that was the aim of the Skalgan, to win over enough Venlil support to take over. The Venlil seem to have welcomed them home with open arms, so it wasn’t too far out of the realm of possibility for them to be permitted to take positions of power. That admiral seemed to have just as much sway as Kam, though his attitude kept me wondering if the Skalgan were secretly predator diseased.
A predator diseased leader… the thought brought a sudden wave of anxiety. What damage could such a person do to not only a species, but the Federation as a whole? All the work done to make the Federation safe from the tyranny of predators, all undone. This would have to be stopped before it took root. But how to prove to the wider Federation the danger they pose? The Federation Summit was coming up soon, and no doubt the Skalgan would be doing their best to win the favor of the Federation. Forget a predator diseased leader, getting into the Federation itself could bring everything crashing down. I couldn’t let that happen, but any sort of aggression against the Skalgan right now would only earn me the ire of the Federation. I needed a way to learn what was going on the inside.
…I needed to get Recel back.
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Memory Transcription Subject: Legal Name Unknown, Alias: "Snarl"
"Humans huh? They don't look scary to me"
Watching the news talk about our new 'predator overlords' in the bar television. Everyone is in the bar, except for Wheel and Jitter, they have to keep their dayside job somehow.
"They look nothing like Arxur" I continued. "Their claws too small, their teeth looks like it can't tear flesh, and on top of that they look ugly." I added the last part as a joke. "I can probably take one down in a fight."
"Apparently, their senses are weaker than us too." Root added, looking at her pad, specifically the data dump the humans handed out. "Their hearing and smell is worse than a prey. For a predator they're not even big, just tall. How did these became the 'top of their food chain'."
"Even if they're 'puny' compared to the Arxur we should still be careful, they're still predators, we don't really know what they're capable of. Who's to say they didn't lied with the information they gave?" Glove commented.
"These species are a joke, don't tell us you're scared of them just because you used to burn predators." I replied with a chuckle.
"Being afraid is not the same with being careful." Pocket replied, defending Glove's comment. "And she's right, they're still predators. For them the concept of 'stimulating drugs' might be normal."
"And? Isn't that better? More customers for us." Pollen replied.
"It won't. The human's propaganda is to look friendly. That despite looking like a beast they have a heart of a prey. It's more likely they'll report us to the exterminators just to gain the people's trust."
"So, what? We just lay low for now?"
"Yes, up until we learn more about this new party."
"Maaan, this is gonna be boring. How long will it last?" I asked Pocket
"As long as it takes." Pocket answered. "If you want something to do, change your fur pattern and go out with Pollen. Get to know about these people more without sticking out."
"Go out with Pollen? Never expected you'll give an order like that." I replied laughing, while Pollen try to hide his bloom.
"You know what I meant. Claw, change your fur pattern too. You'll be coming with me in my office in the meantime." Claw signed an acknowledgement.
"Shouldn't you be laying low too? What if they hunt you because your species wants them dead?" Gloves replied with worry.
"Me being a krakotl shouldn't be an issue. If they want to look friendly they have to hold back. In worst case, Claw would be there to keep me safe."
"Alright. Then me, Door, Flower, and Root will stay here."
Glove and Door can't go out without sticking out like a mazic in a dossur herd, because of Glove's, well, glove, and Door's 3 slash scars on his chest. Flower and Root is needed for garden maintenance.
Pocket signed an acknowledgement. "It's settled then. Let's set out after preparing."
While they prepare to leave, can't keep my excitement. "Aren't you excited? We get to interact with humans!" I asked Pollen.
"I'd rather stay selling ember, I don't wanna fuck around with those savages."
"Aren't you curious though? Hah, I wonder what secrets they don't want us to know.".
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Memory Transcription Subject: Quirn, Gojid Exterminator
Those humans look horrible
Months after their invasion, the people started having split opinions on those creatures. Some managed to bond a pack with them quickly, and some hated Trava even more due to surrendering without a single shot. Most of the exterminators came to an agreement that Trava fucked up the entire planet for doing so.
I've been trying to look at images of a human face in the internet. So I can keep my composure when a human let loose. But by Protector they look horrible. Eyes looking directly giving a creepy vibe, furless face that moves grotesquely due to them not having a tail, so they have to use 'facial expression' for non-verbal communication. Teeth look predator-like and prey-like at the same time. I don't know if their entire species was made just for mockery.
Sitting alone at the guild cafeteria, waiting for Hlumi to arrive after he called me for a meeting. From my sit I can hear our guildmate's conversation, like the usual since that day, it's about humans.
Trowl, a female krakotl, and Frimm, a male Farsul, are having a conversation. Sitting, facing eachother.
"All this 'waiting for a fuck up' is getting annoying!" Trowl vented. "Can we just, make them reveal their bloodlust by force?"
"Pretty sure 'Captain Solvin' already tried that" Frimm replied. "And for some reason it didn't worked. I'm starting to think that incident was just made up, bunch of lies to make humans look good."
"See! Like, an injured predator resisting eating a prey? That's gotta be fake! They just want a fake reason to attack The Cradle."
Their conversation annoys me as much as me having to train my mind looking at a human face. I didn't like that news but I know it's too damn detailed to be fake. Debunk it with facts not speculations.
The other conversation in the cafeteria is between Brono, Rossur, and Krasim. They're on a circular table, with rossur sitting on the table.
YOU JOINED THE EXCHANGE PROGRAM!? SINCE WHEN!? Krasim yelled, while looking at Brono's pad.
"Si-since they were accepting... And give me back my pad! That's private!" Brono replied.
"Wh- why!? You know if you're short on money you could have asked us for help." Rossur spoke with concern.
"It's- it's not about the money. I just joined for- research, yeah research. We're exterminators, we need to know about our enemies, and our enemy is those damned predators. We need to know their every move so we know how to attack. Know how they look, how they hunt, their job, how he joke around, acting all mighty just to slip to the ground face first..."
"...Hey, I know this 'fun' place you can learn more about them, wanna take a look?"
"I'M NORMAL!"
I sighed internally. Just great, people here are either too stubborn or too gullible. As I listened to conversation, Hlumi finally arrived at the cafeteria.
"Leave her alone, unless the herd is in danger, her private life should not be your concern." Hlumi interjected the trio's conversation.
"Sir!" The three said in unison.
"Brono, Quirn, Trowl, follow me." Hlumi commanded, as we follow him towards his office.
"Brono, Quirn, Trowl, I need you three to help with the Gojid Refugees who will settle in this town. They came from Earth, but since it's under attack, they're relocated here. Please make sure they don't get more scared than they're already are. Quirn will be in charge for the two of you."
"Yes sir!" The three of us said in unison.
"How about you sir? Where are you headed to?" I asked Hlumi.
"I'm going to the Magister's office. He said there is an 'important matter' to discuss." I can tell he's trying to avoid the conversation.
"Such as?"
Hlumi glared me, but I refuse to give in. "Brono, Trowl, can we have the room?"
The two signed an acknowledgement and left.
Once the two left and out of the earshot, he continued. "The Magister is planning to put a Human Refugees Camp in our town, I'm needed there to help advising the council."
"The same species who's the reason why The Cradle was glassed. Have you gone mad as well?" I replied, annoyed. I was born and raised in Venlil Prime, but the loss of The Cradle was still devastating for me, losing a lot of my kind and it's culture.
"I'm just following orders."
"Your position is high enough to make a huge difference in their decision, why do you want humans here?" This guy just don't open up doesn't he.
Hlumi sighed a defeat. "I've been reading the data dump the humans gave, and managed to access their 'censored media'. They have information regarding 'illegal drugs', 'autopsy', and 'murder'. Their knowledge can help making proof we need to clean that pile of 'unsolvable cases' of stars knows when it started."
I huffed in annoyance. "You're putting your trust to a species we've barely even know. It hasn't even been a year since they came! This is a gamble!"
"And I'm willing to take this gamble for the safety of the herd." Hlumi glaring at me again. "I've been in this rotten service for [18 years], and this is the only time an opportunity to change everything spawned, a species capable of changing the guild's system as a whole."
"And what if these predators act like the higher guild, or even worse than them?" I argued. "If the preys themselves was capable of putting tainted on a leash and lie to the herd, predators can do much worse!"
"And what if these predators helped finding that woman who killed your brother." Hlumi replied. Damn mad officer, using my brother as an argument, this isn't about him! This isn't... Ahh fuck.
"Fine!" Finally yielding. "But if one of these days I died because of this, you'll be the one to blame."
He gave a sign of acknowledgement. "I'll keep that in mind."
I left the office frustrated. Annoyed what did I do to deserve this.
Why did you have to rope me into this, brother?
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Hi my name is Mariah I'm 23 years old I'm looking for someone to role play with me I prefer that we play in first person, I have several scenarios that you can pick from I have two requirements. 1. I prefer that we play in first person, 2. Just be patient with me because I don’t type that fast but I am starting to write a lot more detail during my role-play, so just be patient with me please .3. I accept experienced role-play players.only Please write a lot of detail during the role-play if you can. If you are interested in role-playing with me, just message me I roleplay comfort to dark roleplay I prefer role-playing in Reddit chat because it's easier for me but if you cannot role-play on,Reddit I do Role-play on Twitter,. I hope to chat with you soon, here's a list of the scenarios that you can pick from Let me know what scenario you would like to do with me please do not ghost me a lot of people do that because they don’t like the way I role-play ….please pick a scenario from the list please be 18+. Here the scenarios that we can do
1st scenario
Here’s the scenario You come home from work and your partner tells you that her parents are having a family gathering at their house and she wants to go. She tells you that she was diagnosed with a fainting disorder so you could be aware of it
2nd scenario
Here’s the scenario You come home from work you don’t see your partner in the living room with all the family and you go upstairs to look for them
3rd scenario
Here’s the scenario You come home from work you don’t see me in the living room and you start looking around for me you find me in the corner in our bedroom having a panic attack
4th scenario
Here’s the scenario You are at the store you receive a text message from your partner that they are having another bad mingran and they ask you to bring medication from the store
5th scenario
Here’s the scenario You come home from work and you don’t find me anywhere in the house and you start looking everywhere and you find me in the kitchen having mental breakdown because I am stressed out about everything that’s happening in my life
6th scenario
Here’s the scenario You got home from work and you don’t see your partner in the living room you check everywhere for them you finally find them in the bathroom in the bedroom next to toilet
7th scenario
Here’s the scenario You are at home relaxing from your busy day at work you receive a phone call from your partner and she is crying hysterically on the phone and she tells you that her dad and her got into another argument but it ended bad and she asks you to go get her from her house and take her back to your place.
8th scenario
Here’s the scenario You get home from work and you don’t see your partner in the living room you checked everywhere for them and you finally find them in the bedroom having a autism episode because people are bullying them at work
9th scenario
Here’s the scenario You are at work and you are working as a paramedic and you are driving on the street with your coworker and you stop at a gas station and when you are in the gas station call comes in on the radio and says your home address and you come back to the ambulance and your coworker said they just said they just said your address on the radio and you start panicking because I am home alone and you know I have a couple medical conditions that they are aware of you call me but you don’t get an answer from me rush with your coworker and you go inside the house and you don’t find me anywhere but then your coworker find me in the basement unconscious
10th scenario
Here’s the scenario You are at work and your partner called you from work.they tell you that they are going to go hang out with their friends from college at the club. you told them to be careful and you tell them to have a good time you get home from work and it’s late and you notice that your partner is not home yet and you called their phone no answer and then you get a call from Your partners phone and you answer it and you recognize it not your partner, voice the person told you that your partner was drug at the club and that your partner is on the way to the hospital
11th Scenario
Here’s the scenario You are at work and your partner calls you and tell you they are going to go swimming at a party with friends from college and you get home from work and it’s very late and you tried calling your partner and they don’t answer and get a call from the hospital, saying that your partner has been admitted to the hospital for being drugged and abuse and assaulted
12th Scenario
Here’s the scenario you are on your lunch break at work and you get a phone call from your partners parents and they tell you that your partner is having a Tourette episode and this one is bad and they cannot handle it and they need you to come help them with your partner you know that your partner has a really hard time coming out of these episodes and they pass out after having an episode.
13th Scenario Here’s the scenario you are in a long distance, relationship with your partner and you decide to fly them out to see you and meet your royalty family after your partner meets your family your family that they don’t like your partner and they do everything especially the mother get rid of your partner and you are a prince of England trying to find his queen
14th Scenario Here’s the scenario you are at work and your partner call you and tell you that they are gonna go to the store to get some stuff for the house and when you get home you are parked in the driveway and you get off the car and you go inside and you see them on the floor in the living room unconscious with all their clothes off and you see them beaten up and you see them with the rope around their neck
15th Scenario Here’s the scenario you come home from work early because you have to do a lot of stuff around the house and you call your partner to let them know that you’re coming home early from work you get home and you see your partner in the living room with the lights off and everything and you know that they are having a hard time with being abused, verbally emotionally and mentally and you see them crying hysterically in the living room
16thScenario
Here’s the scenario you are at working at the EMT station and you are doing paperwork and you receive a call from the dispatcher that there was a shooting at the high school they say the name of the school and you start freaking out because your partner works at the school and you get in the car and you start driving over to the school and you see your police officers helping everybody out and you go inside and you find me in the classroom unresponsive with the student on top of me and you can tell that they are unresponsive as well
17th Scenario
Here’s the scenario you come home from work and you let your partner know that you’re home from work and you tell your partner that we are going to go to your parents house because we were invited to a family gathering and we go to your parents house and all your family and greet us and when you are not in the area, they all treat me bad except for your mom
18th scenario
Here’s the scenario You are at work You are doing report because you are a detective you receive a case that someone has been kidnapped and when you get the information on the computer and you realize it’s your partner and you start calling them and they don’t answer their phone
19th scenario
Heres the scenario You are on deployment for two years and you get home from being away for two years and you don’t tell your partner that you’re coming home and you go to the living room and you find them unconscious on the floor
20th scenario
Here’s the scenario you are working a late shift at the fire station and you are working on paperwork with all your coworkers and the captain comes in and says we got a call for a fire at the apartment complex on Hollywood Boulevard 1604 on the third Floor and we need everybody to go help put out the fire, do your coworkers get into the firetruck and get to the scene and realize that the fire is coming from your apartment and you remember that your partner is in the building
21st scenario
Here’s the scenario You are at your parents house after a late shift at the hospital and you stop by to see how your parents are doing and you receive a call the hospital and they tell you that they need you right away and you get back to the hospital and they tell you we have three casualties coming in and when the patients are brought into the hospital, you go up to one of the patient and you see it’s your partner
22nd scenario
Here’s the scenario you are at your parents house helping them clean the house and you are doing spring cleaning with them and you check your phone and you see that you had missed calls and a lot of messages from your partners mother and you call back and your partners mother says I’m worried about my daughter because I think she’s having one of her suicidal episodes and she looked herself in the room and I can’t get a hold of her father because he’s at work so can you come help me please.
23rd scenario
Here’s the scenario you are out home and you receive a call from your partner and they tell you that they are running away from home and they tell you they are running to your house when they get to your house. They are bleeding from their face and you can tell that they been beaten up and they are freaking out and screaming because they are scared
24th scenario
Here’s the scenario you come home from work and you let your partner know that you are home, but you don’t get a response from them and you are looking for them and you find them in the bathroom and they are having flashback episodes because when they were younger, they had experience some sexual assault and verbal abuse and they can’t trust anyone