Fever body aches mucus

I have a mini theory that may satisfy some of you who like FNAF angst and Micheal specifically(aka me)(please excuse my inconsistent grammar and spelling mistakes)
I have this personal headcanons/mini theory that in the days after Micheal got scooped he had a form of sickness that he couldn’t Identify in himself, maybe because he couldn’t remember that he was scooped at first(gutted is a more realistic term for it I believe.)
I’ll try to describe it from the outside looking in, telling it literally, while throwing in a few in detail moments and notes of how he felt in attempt to make my point. Feel free to ask clarifying questions in the comments and I’ll edit if there are frequently occurring ones.
I suggest watching Dual-Processing Theory’s FNAF video. I saw the first episode of the GTLive reaction (the only one as of me writing this) and watched the whole thing myself and it’s actually amazing in my opinion. And it’s a video and theory I take into my personal headcanons and it probably makes the writing of this a lot easier to understand. This is the closest I’ve been to writing a story of my own that wasn’t an assignment and I had full reign over. So their video likely made a huge impact on how I wrote this.
But I’m not going to say it’s required. Nor do I have the patience to argue for it. I thinks it’s good, It may make this theory make more sense, you decide.
It’s my other headcanon that Micheal was a living experiment for Afton to see was putting remnant in a living subject. I’ll write that out if this gets popular. And I’ll paste this in the story to reiterate that. To me it shows HOW Micheal possesses his own corpse with the lack of remnant that it seemed the story pushes is needed for possession to occur.
Trigger warning here for descriptions of depression, suicidal thoughts, feelings of intense physical illness, self-soothing in ways that may remind readers of their own experiences, and a general warning for those who may be sensitive to graphic material
My theory is that Micheal wakes up in bed, whether he dragged himself home in the dead of night after his scooping or ennard did, changes in my mind depending on how I’m feeling and you can decide for yourself which one you prefer
I see him waking up in a cold sweat, it’s the kind of cold fire across your body when you’re sick. Soon enough the cold part disappeared and now he was left hot and sweating like he’d never sweat again(which wouldn’t held his decomposing body but he didn’t know that). He panics initially from the sensory experience of it. He quickly realizes he’s safe though and chalks up the feeling to a fever or maybe the flu. It doesn’t matter to him. He either feels a strong urge to go to work or he just wants to go because he needs the money, to me it never mattered so I never decided but you can chose whichever.
He puts on his uniform and walks to work, this is the first day, of the 8-bit cutscene in sister location(you know the one.) He makes his usual greetings occasionally stopping for small talk with his neighbors as he’d always made time because he enjoyed the interactions and his neighbors always made him smile, even if nothing else could. Sometimes his body couldn’t force even a fraction of the ‘normalcy’ that he felt when conversing with his neighbors.
He goes to work like normal and comes home like normal.
The second he steps in his house he felt the same illness he did this morning hit him like a semi-truck. He had always suppressed his sickness unconsciously and no matter what he could never stop suppressing it. It always bothered him. But that was a topic for whenever he could afford a therapist. He hated the idea of missing his TV show, The Immortal and The Restless. So he turned up the AC and closed most of the windows spare for two on opposite ends of the house to ensure the illness, that he’d convinced himself was a common cold or something of the sort, wouldn’t just circulate like some kind of bacteria terrarium.
He changed into something breezy and easy (I’m sorry I had to). He made popcorn and watched his show with a small smile, talking at the tv every once in a while to remark how cliche the plot was or how stupid the characters were, though he loved it and would defend the show with his dying breath(pun intended).
After his shows run time ended, he discarded the bowl and felt an all-consuming thirst, in a haze, he’d walk to his fridge, walking like a fucking corpse because of how exhausted and tired he felt. He drank three bottles to quench the thirst and then grabbed two extra and hauled his weak frame to his bedroom and put the bottles on his bed for easy access. He crawled into the Queen sized bed and laid there restlessly, so tired but unable to sleep, he lost time. Getting one maybe two hours of real sleep, but he didn’t feel tired. He felt neutral in the most basic sense and yet in every way.
The rest of his week was like that.
Second day, he felt a strange sensation in his stomach. Like something was rotting there, though he didn’t know how literal that was. He didn’t know why he didn’t look at his stomach, he didn’t check to make sure. He was so convinced it was in his head. He’d been through a lot. He was bound to be fucked in the head.
Third day, the rotting feeling intensified but he still didn’t check. A more distinct purple tint, initially he also chalked the second days skin change to his messed up brain hallucinating.
Fourth day was when he stopped watching his show and eating popcorn. The thirst remained. He hadn’t used the restrooms though, little to his knowledge he’d been sweating the water out or puking back up the excess.
Why he didn’t notice the pile was because his bedroom was already a bit messy due to his undiagnosed depression. He didn’t think he had a mental illness. He was born 1969(also a personal headcanon, his age, birthdate or any of the sort are known to be confirmed to me or any theorists I’ve seen) and his father was born much earlier. So his father had raised him without ‘mental illness’ as a true concept and he’d never thought to question it.
The rest of the days were the same, only changes were the thirst getting stronger, the rotting sensation getting stronger and spreading and obviously the purple-ifying.
Then he pukes ennard up.
As he dies in that moment everything finally hits him.
He died down there. His father sent him to died just so he could get Elizabeth back. His father. His father killed kids and now those souls killed him, through no fault of their own, because they thought Micheal was his father.
His father
His fucking father.
He’s consumed with rage and forces himself to possess his own corpse.
It’s my other headcanon that Micheal was a living experiment for Afton(his father) to see remnant in a living subject. Afton assumes it doesn’t matter because the experiments didn’t change Micheal or alter his behavior so after five injections and weeks, possibly months of watching the boy, Afton stops injecting Micheal with it. It’s a waste of remnant to him to be clear. He’s not being merciful to Micheal. He stopped caring about his comfort when CC died.
That’s how he possessed his own corpse.
He’s got a mission to hunt down his father and cause his death.
The rest of this theory just flows into the theory Dual-Processing Theory has on Micheal, him being the real vengeful spirit in the end(yeah they convinced me of that shit 100% go watch it it’s a good video.).
I have other theories. Micheal being experimented on was the only one that needed mention here.
Another theory I have is that Micheal in the games knows Vanessa and his corpse survived the fire. It’s not necessarily one I think is real game thing but it’s a fun thing I like to entertain myself with. It’s mostly caring stuff and Micheal helping Vanessa overcome her personality thing she has going on (idk if it’s a real disorder so I don’t feel comfortable addressing it as such) and helping her move on from Afton because he’s had to do a similar thing. I can write about it if you want aswell. There are other theories aswell that if you desire more I shall comply.
TLDR; Micheal rotted in bed while he was home in that 8bit cutscene that takes place after the scooping. I have other theories.
Comment any criticism, add things to this, start convos. Idc just lmk what you think or if you wanted more.

Hey I'm 22 male 5ft 10 very active and non smoker
In the last few days I broke out in itchiness all over and a full body rash, the rash is almost gone but I feel so unwell my skin appears blotchy I have full body aches as in all my muscles and joints to the point it's hard to stand and I'm incredibly low energy it's been a few more days of this now and no sign of getting better even though the rash is gone now.
Iv been doctors and they are sending me for blood tests but the earliest is almost 2 weeks ago so I was wondering if anyone here could give advice on what it is or advise if I'll be okay waiting that long or if I should try something more urgent?
I also have a slight headach and have had trouble sleeping, and sometimes it feels like both my forearms arent getting blood like that tyoe of pain yet my veins appear full. please also note I have a lot of difficulty with mental house and am after stressed and anxious but I don't think this would be caused by that.
Is it possible someone else has had this and that it's just a severe anxious burn out? As I have been extremely anxious and stressed on the run up to this and part of me thinks I'm actually dying and another things maybe I'm just so burned out that my body can't hold on

Hey I'm 22 male 5ft 10 very active and non smoker
In the last few days I broke out in itchiness all over and a full body rash, the rash is almost gone but I feel so unwell my skin appears blotchy I have full body aches as in all my muscles and joints to the point it's hard to stand and I'm incredibly low energy it's been a few more days of this now and no sign of getting better even though the rash is gone now.
Iv been doctors and they are sending me for blood tests but the earliest is almost 2 weeks ago so I was wondering if anyone here could give advice on what it is or advise if I'll be okay waiting that long or if I should try something more urgent?
I also have a slight headach and have had trouble sleeping, and sometimes it feels like both my forearms arent getting blood like that tyoe of pain yet my veins appear full. please also note I have a lot of difficulty with mental house and am after stressed and anxious but I don't think this would be caused by that.
Is there anyway someone here has experienced this from severe anxiety? As I have severe health anxiety and on the run up to this was having tension headaches and was panicking about everything and anything ? Part of me thinks I'm actually dying and part of me is like this could be like a severe burn out

Hey I'm 22 male 5ft 10 very active and non smoker
In the last few days I broke out in itchiness all over and a full body rash, the rash is almost gone but I feel so unwell my skin appears blotchy I have full body aches as in all my muscles and joints to the point it's hard to stand and I'm incredibly low energy it's been a few more days of this now and no sign of getting better even though the rash is gone now.
Iv been doctors and they are sending me for blood tests but the earliest is almost 2 weeks ago so I was wondering if anyone here could give advice on what it is or advise if I'll be okay waiting that long or if I should try something more urgent?
I also have a slight headach and have had trouble sleeping, and sometimes it feels like both my forearms arent getting blood like that tyoe of pain yet my veins appear full. please also note I have a lot of difficulty with mental house and am after stressed and anxious but I don't think this would be caused by that.

Age: 42 Sex: Female Height: 5' 5" Weight: 140lbs Race: White Duration of Complaint: Recent (5/24 - 6/24), Chronic (2008 - 2024) Location Geographic: Southern California, USA Location Body: Neck / Back / Chest / Left Arm / Abdomen Current Issues: Fatigue / Pain Current Medications: None
Any insight into how any of the following may be connected or thoughts regarding a root cause(s) would be awesome! From most recent and back:
(6.1.24) ER visit for incapacitating fatigue not alleviated by rest, chills, muscle twitches for past several months, fever symptoms with normal temperature, pelvic pressure and tightness at inner thighs, hard lump/lymph right side upper neck, rash on neck under jaw and left wrist (labs in normal range except D-Dimer 1.07 mcg FEU/ml no PE shown on CT)
(5.22.24) Chronic (episodic, lasting weeks at a time) neck/back pain of medium to high pain level radiating to left arm/wrist/hand with sore spot felt on spine near the area where a shirt tag hits your back, hypersensitive to touch in shirt tag area (no trigger of note, with progressive loss of strength and persistent pain in left wrist), growing fatigue felt mostly in the first half of the day (Xray showing cervical spondylosis)(labs for coinciding physical in normal range except LDL 102 mg/dl, Urinalysis squamous epithelial 10-20 / Bacteria Few / Calcium Oxalate Many, possible contaminated sample, Ferritin in range at low end at 24 ng/mL)(neck/back pain radiating to left arm thought to be relative to GI issues from 2008 to 2023)
Chronic Issues beginning 2008 to present day:
-Insomnia (inability to fall asleep, improvement as of 2023), GI problems (reflux, GERD, gastritis noted in records), Sharp pain at either center of chest, left chest or lower neck/upper back area radiating to left arm/wrist/hand
Previous Issues:
Low B12, low vitamin D
Unusual Medical Incident (2018): Sudden onset of blurred vision, self described as "4D", closing one eye required to do anything that required sight, relevant to both near and far, persistent for 1 month with sudden resolution, diagnosed as Convergence Insufficiency, 1 occurrence only
Unusual Medical Incident (2008): Hemoperitoneum 400ml with clots concentrated in pelvic area, originally assumed to be due to appendix, diagnosed as Hemoperitoneum of unknown cause during surgery, not due to gynecological issue or other expected cause(s) per ER notes
Misc Note: Spiral fracture at left femur 2009, implant of titanium rod and screws currently in place
Thank you!!!

The autumn night was pleasant. The skies were clear with glinting stars, trees gently swayed from a light breeze,, and a shining moon bright and clear beamed its reflection onto Gensokyo. It was the eve of Tsukimi (Harvest Moon Festival), a festival held annually in honor of the autumn moon and the harvest that comes with it. While normally it would be a time to relax and admire the moon itself over drinks and snacks, it was the opposite for most of the land’s inhabitants. The reason being the moon; a small sliver of its side was missing. It wasn’t noticeable by the humans, but for the youkai it was significant.
It didn’t take long before the more prominent figures of Gensokyo figured out the cause of the anomaly, for the moon was a fake, so they must get the real moon back. Reimu and other incident resolvers have ventured out to unveil the mastermind behind the imposterous celestial object, but they only have tonight to resolve the issue before the moon vanishes, and so would their culprit. They would need as much time as they can preserve, even if it means extending the clock.
Hakurei Shrine had prepared for Tsukimi; setting up a variety of snacks and drinks with decor and stands, and a big donation box standing out with direct emphasis so as to draw people’s attention. Sitting right outside the shrine was Suika, drinking from her gourd while staring up at the moon with disgust and dissatisfaction. Her eyes were keen enough to pinpoint exactly where the moon cuts off, like staring at a fake replica of a famous painting. She let out a groan or hiss every sip she took while scowling up at the moon.
“Are you going to do that all night?” Rin asked, walking out with snacks from the kitchen. “It’s not like the moon’s going anywhere.”
“That’s not the moon, which is the problem.” Suika expressed her irritance. “Youkai like me thrive on the moon’s power, it gives us our strength, our spirit. So for someone to go replace it with a fake is insulting. Who would steal the moon, and why?”
“But you used to live underground, how would the moon affect you differently now?” Rin genuinely asked with wonder.
Suika ignored her question and continued venting, “Who even goes out their way to take a perfectly good floating ball in the sky and swap it out with a false imitator? Whoever it is must be a moon hater cause I can’t think of a single reason why anyone, and I mean anyone, would replace a naturally beautiful sphere. Stupid moon thieves…”
Suika proceeded to guzzle down more sake from her gourd to get drunk as soon as possible. Rin wasn’t sure how to cheer up Suika, it was clear how upset she was even if she herself couldn’t tell what made the moon different from before. Whenever she did try to stare up at the moon she had to turn away her gaze, somehow staring up for too long caused her mind to hurt.
“Let’s put our faith in Reimu, okay? She has helped resolve incidents more dire than this in the past, she can put the real moon back where it belongs.” Rin said.
“You sure?” Suika asked. “This is the moon we’re talking about. I don’t think Reimu alone can put the entire moon back where it's supposed to be. She’s strong, but…it’s the moon.”
“...I think you had enough to drink for the night. Come on, let’s head inside and enjoy the rest of the snacks.” Rin realized trying to assure Suika of anything more was a fruitless task. The oni begrudgingly agreed to her suggestion and the two went inside for the night.
—
In a road near the human village, a night sparrow lay on the ground, with eyes dazed and body pummeled. Her cart which was a vendor cart had grilled lamprey eel cooking on the grill, though it cooked for so long it turned dark and bitter crisp; inedible.
Slowly, she regained her consciousness, her body still ached with pain surging all over, though a night’s rest should help. Her lips parted slightly as she took a couple breaths in and out, and her eyes opened to reveal a dazzling face that gazed down upon her. The face of a charming prince, with hair as green as newly formed leaves of spring, eyes that reflect the sight of a beautiful meadow, and skin softer than a fluffy pillow.
“Wriggle?” Mystia said in a half-awake tone.
“Mystia, you’re awake.” Her prince spoke with a mixture of worry and relief. She felt Wriggle’s hands on one of her own, grasping them with firmness but remaining tender. “I was so worried about you when I found you lying on the ground. Look at you, you’re hurt all over.”
“I could say the same about you.” Mystia said, now getting a better look at Wriggle’s state. Her clothes were torn and tattered, bruises and scuffs on her arms and shoulders.
“I guess we both had faced the same threats. I’m sorry they did this to you, if only I was able to rush to your side, I could’ve warned you, defended you.” Wriggle now spoke with regret and guilt, but Mystia wasn’t going to allow her to bear all the burden.
“It’s not your fault, you did your best facing off against so many by yourself, that’s more than I could ask for, Wriggle.” Mystia reached to cup the side of Wriggle’s face with her free hand.
“Oh, Mystia…” Wriggle gazed further into the eyes of her night sparrow. They both moved closer with feelings that grew more immense. Their breaths began to match, their hearts beat with the same rhythm, as though becoming one.
“Ahem!” A loud cough of interruption by their friend Rumia made them snap out of their trance. Wriggle stood back up, helping Mystia get on her feet, both of whom now having red faces of embarrassment.
“Oh, Rumia! Y-You’re here too?” Mystia asked. Even Wriggle didn’t realize their friend was standing a couple feet from them.
“For a moment it looked like you both forgot about me.” Rumia spoke with a small laugh. “Are you okay Mystia, you’re not too hurt are you?”
“No, I’m fine- ow.” Mystia winced and placed a hand on her shoulder. “I just need to rest.”
“Well make sure you take it easy, both of you.” Rumia said, flying up.
“Wait, where are you going?” Wriggle asked.
“Oh, I have something else to attend to. I’ll be back before the night ends.” Rumia said. Before Wriggle or Mystia could say anything else, Rumia went off, leaving the sparrow and the firefly by themselves.
“Well…she’s gone now…Wanna come back to my place?” Mystia suggested.
“I like that.” Wriggle smiled.
Rumia flew through the night trail, eventually coming across a village she for some reason couldn’t recognize. Was there always a village there? It’s a question she asked herself. She also noticed a figure dressed in blue wearing an odd hat at the edge of the village, looking like she got in a scuffle not too long ago, likely from the same group Rumia’s looking for.
Her pursuit soon led her to a forest, but not one of trees thick and dark; rather bamboo stalks thin and green. She arrived at the bamboo forest of the lost. She has never entered the area before, but has heard tales of both humans and youkai entering and getting lost soon after. Sometimes it could be for a couple hours, sometimes days. A few instances they’re never found again.
“Are they in here?” Rumia thought, uncertain if the people she’s looking for are inside the bamboo forest. She considered checking elsewhere first, when a massive beam of rainbow light shot up into the sky. Rumia recognized the attack, it was Marisa’s Master Spark. Confirming the beam she flew straight in…and immediately got lost.
—
Deep within the bamboo forest was a battle of chaotic proportions. Several figures of immense skill and power fought against one another in pairs; friends faced off peers and rivals alike. Among those in the battle were Reimu Hakurei and Yukari Yakumo, Marisa Kirisame and Alice Margatroid, Sakuya Izayoi and Remilia Scarlet, and Youmu Konpaku and Yuyuko Saigyouji. Needless to say, a fight consisting of 8 people was far beyond an ordinary danmaku.
Reimu herself zipped around, quickly yet carefully avoiding the onslaught of stars, knives and blades that came at her while simultaneously dodging dolls, bats, and butterflies. She and Yukari fought back with amulets and needles, but even with their combined strength it wasn’t enough to handle the firepower of two magicians, the might of a maid and vampire, and the agility of phantoms and ghosts.
Briefly Reimu clashed with Youmu, matching the swings of her blade with her barriers to block. Then came in Sakuya with a shower of knives, which she met with her needles as they hindered their momentum and fell to the ground. Then there was Marisa who charged right in with her broom and mini-hakkero, barely she avoided being rammed by her had it not been for Yukari opening up a gap in front of her so she would instead ram into Remilia who was in the midst of a three way standoff with Alice and Yuyuko.
“Gah!!!” Remilia cried loud as the front of Marisa’s broom struck her side. Sakuya immediately went over to assist the vampire like a good maid would do, focusing her attention on Marisa.
“You’re welcome Reimu dear~” Yukari said in a song-like tone.
“Uh, thanks Yukari.” Reimu said, keeping her focus on making sure Youmu didn’t cut off her arms. “It would be more helpful if you could send Youmu away right now.”
“But you’re doing just fine. Besides, this is the closest to getting you to train for once in your life.”
“Seriously!? I do train!” Reimu looked back at Yukari with the eyes of a liar.
“...” Yukari stared back at her with a simple smirk.
“Sometimes.”
Yukari only smiled and nodded.
“A-At least twice a month!” Reimu’s face was now more red. During her bickering with Yukari Marisa and Alice shifted their attack from Sakuya and Remilia over to Yuyuko, prompting Youmu to pull back from Reimu to help the ghost princess, leaving the Scarlet Team to focus on Reimu and Yukari instead. Soon both the shrine maiden and the sage clashed against the maid and noble vampire.
“Oh Reimu! Just admit it my amour!” Remilia shouted while lunging her spear at the duo. “You’ve been extending the night simply to garner my attention! You know how I adore the blackened skies, the sight of the moon glimmering down to emphasize my allure! While I can’t forgive the impudent who swapped the lune with a fake, I can overlook that if you simply allow me to take your hand, your lips, so I may show my gratitude!”
“How many times do I have to tell you no!?” Reimu said, throwing out more amulets at Remilia. By now she realized Remilia was captivated by her, to the point where she’d make any excuse to show up to the shrine with bottles of wine with high ABV (alcohol by volume) percentages. Thankfully Suika, now a permanent member of the household, made sure to keep the vampire in check. She still got drunk once in a while though, for there was no way Reimu was going to always deny free wine.
“Oh why? Why must you be against it? Is it because I’m a vampire and you a human? Because you walk in day and I in night? Sure, we are of two different worlds, but like the yin and yang we are destined to meet and revolve around each other. Let us not consider the bias of our fellow kind, for love always prevails. Won’t you still consider me? To let me be the butterfly who drinks the nectar of your flower?”
The last sentence was enough to make a few of the people fighting turn their heads in visible confusion and/or shock. Reimu by that point had enough of the vampire’s poetic phrasing and metaphors, so she pulled out the old reliable yet double-edged yin-yang orb.
“Shut up!!!” Reimu threw the orb as hard as she could. In a blink of an eye the orb struck Remilia in the head. Then it bounced over and struck Yuyuko, then Marisa, then Youmu, then Alice, then Sakuya. It then flew over to hit Yukari, but she managed to open a gap portal, causing the orb to instead hit Reimu right in the back of the head. That didn’t leave Yukari alone yet as the orb ricocheted off a bamboo stalk and finally struck the gap youkai in the gut, prompting her to fall to her knees.
And the tag team battle ended in everyone’s defeat.

She found herself another guy after getting dumped by a scumbag, but she never expected it to be the powerful Mr. Leon! From then on, she became the enviable Mrs. Leon. There were rumors that Mr. Leon was averse to women. Lucy Quinn, while enduring the ache in her body, rolled her eyes resentfully and retorted, “Who said that Mr. Leon is averse to women?” Fucking hell, that man was an insatiable wolf, devouring her from head to toe! Read more

When I was in college in 2016 I got very sick. There was a mumps virus going around school and myself and a friend both fell ill. It was the worst period of my life. The first thing that happened was extreme nausea but without vomiting. I remember being so nauseous that I tried to make myself puke but couldn't. Next I started having extreme light sensitivity. When I walked outside one morning it physically hurt to keep my eyes open. I ended up going to a clinic and they did blood tests. Told me I was sick with a viral infection and my body needed to fight it off. I was not running a fever. No other tests.
The next few days I could barely sleep, and I felt extreme confusion and disorientation. I would wake up with my legs shaking uncontrollably and I'm not sure if these were seizures or what. The problem is at this point I started taking benadryl for sleep and I had never taken this before. I don't know if my body had a reaction to it but I ended up having horrible waking nightmares and tinnitus, even auditory hallucinations. I was terrified and didn't know what was happening at all. My mouth was endlessly dry, no matter how much water I was drinking it felt like my tongue would just stay dry like sandpaper.
I ended up going back to the clinic and they put me on an IV as I was very dehydrated. Again no other tests aside from more blood samples. I was having panic attacks and got severe derealization from the whole thing that lasted months. I remember feeling like I didn't recognize myself at all and the world felt surreal and terrifying for some time. I was worried I had permanent brain damage and frankly I've never felt 100% since then. I also have an anxiety disorder which heightened after this whole incident.
I've always wondered if I had untreated viral encephalitis, or if that's a ridiculous notion. As far as I know I never ran a fever, or at least nothing severe. I don't remember feeling any headaches or pressure. Just a lot of cognitive changes.

So I took the day off work yesterday because I was feeling really sick, I ended up basically binging most of Silo and I finished it, but like a dumbass when it came to the evening with Fever dreams, It was like I was in the Silo.
It was like I was trapped in the Silo but within my own body, with a mystery and plan to get better and prevent myself from coughing during the night so I don’t wake myself up, I don’t even feel like I rested because I was too stressed out trying to figure out the mechanism and the mystery to feel better within my own body (it was all made of metal like in Silo).
Of course these are just the ramblings of a Fever dream but my god it was STRESSFUL actually being in the Silo, making sure my mechanism (to breathe) would work and trying to figure out a way to not feel worse.

I've never had a girlfriend, and I'm a virgin. My heart aches for my coworker, even though I know it's futile. No matter how much I try, I can't seem to stop thinking about her. This longing has become a habit I can't break. MMA is my usual escape, helping me momentarily forget her, but thoughts of her always find a way back, fueling both my anger and my focus during training. At work, I avoid her, leaving the room whenever she comes near, but her playful conversations draw me in every time.
I strive to keep our interactions professional, yet they are often filled with playful banter. I deeply admire her character—her humble beginnings, diverse hobbies, eloquence, attractiveness, and sense of high value. She frequently vents to me about the many guys who want to date her, reinforcing my belief that she could never be interested in me. There was even a time when she almost got fired for drinking at work, and everyone lost faith in her—except me. Hearing rumors about her sleeping with multiple men was hard to believe, yet deep down, I knew they were true. Despite seeking therapy, my feelings persist.
I’ve even resorted to punishing myself for spending time with her, feeling utterly helpless. Part of me wants to confess my feelings, but I fear breaking her trust and being seen as weird. I cling to the hope of meeting someone better who can heal this pain, as I remain insecure about my lack of relationship and sexual experience.
I've heard all the advice: "focus on yourself," "be more confident," "just ignore her," "your time will come." These well-meaning but empty phrases don't address the depth of my feelings or the frustration of being unable to move past my infatuation. People seem to think a simple mantra can fix everything, but the reality is far more complicated and painful. These platitudes only make me feel more isolated and misunderstood.
At 20 years old, I firmly believe I won't be in a relationship until I'm in my 30s or mid-30s. This belief stems from my insecurities about the body count of potential partners. When I hear people say they've been with more than 10 or 20 people, I start questioning myself. I fear that the first person I'll ever date will probably be the only person I'll ever date, and by that age, it might be too late to find someone new. This thought makes me anxious about my future, worrying that I'll never have the chance to experience the relationships and connections that others take for granted. The idea of meeting someone with a significant past makes me feel inadequate and unworthy, adding to my fear of never finding true love or companionship.
I often compare myself to others, knowing it's a bad habit, but I do it to push myself to improve. When I see incredibly attractive women with men who have noticeable negative traits, I can't help but wonder what I'm doing wrong. I see guys with orange teeth, poor grooming, the smell of cigarettes, drinking problems, and being overweight still managing to be in relationships with beautiful women. It makes me question everything.
I start to ask myself if these traits are what it really takes to be in a relationship. It feels like all my efforts to better myself and maintain good habits are meaningless. Despite trying to stay well-groomed, practicing good hygiene, and avoiding bad habits, it seems like these qualities don't matter as much as I thought. This realization leaves me feeling confused and disheartened, as if the values I hold and strive for aren't enough. This constant comparison leads to a cycle of self-doubt and frustration. I wonder if there's something fundamentally wrong with me that I can't identify. Why do people with obvious negative traits succeed in relationships while I struggle? This question haunts me and makes me feel like I'm missing a crucial understanding of what it takes to be in a relationship.
Am I not living an exciting enough lifestyle? The coworker I have a crush on likes another coworker, who embodies all the negative traits I've mentioned. Does it really take doing reckless and irresponsible things to get even the slightest attraction from a woman? This situation makes me question everything. Despite my efforts to live a positive and healthy life, it seems like those qualities aren't enough. It feels unfair and disheartening to see someone with so many negative traits receive the attention I long for.

Trying to prepare for a long awaited girls trip in 2 days time. 3 days ago my legs started to ache heavily, and feel extremely weak like I couldn’t lift them - I’ve had this before , thankfully it’s not as frequent as my other symptoms but it seems to make me really flat mentally.
I’m feeling isolated, I’ve already had to cancel on family dinner twice the last 2 nights and just feeling like no one wants to be around me because I’m always fucking sick & no one gets it.
I feel like I don’t have a lot of people to reach out to just to vent, I know my body is going through a lot after having Covid 3 weeks ago & having antivirals, which meant I had to drop my methotrexate for 2 weeks and now I’ve started it again so now my immune system has been through a lot.
This is all just so much. I’m struggling mentally & financially, why does this never seem to get easier

Help - perianal abscess Hi, male, 27, 6'4ft, 100kg, smoker, gastritis, medications omprazole
I had one 2 month ago and required emergency surgery, i had a horrible infection sweating buckets temp 39.5 degress, severe pain ect
All healed up until about a week ago, i had a small lump appear over the operating site and it was slightly uncomfortable, red and sore. Checked with the dr, he said he couldn't feel anything underneath it and it was probably not the abcesce returning. I got a prescription for some antibiotic cream, it seems to have made it abit smaller, he also gave me some antibiotics but said to take them after a week if its got bigger.
Suddenly today, ive got a high temp of 38.5 not shifting with paracetamol or ibuprofen, headache, body aches, sore to sit but not as bad as last time. Do you think i just have an unrelated illness or is it possible it could be from the infection by a returning perianal abscess?
Im exhausted i don't particularly want to go down to a&e if its not needed. I can probably get a gp appointment in the next 12 hours. Should i start taking my antibiotics to see if that helps

I'm a dog groomer. I have suffered with chronic back pain since high school. It kinda just became the norm for me. Then it got much worse after being homeless for a year during my late 20s. It left me with terrible sciatic pain that still flares up often, and random aches and pains constantly in different parts of my body, possibly fibro. I'm now 34 and housed, but there's likely permanent damage done. I have pain flares often, and my job makes it so much worse.
It just really sucks. This is the only career I can imagine doing, and the pay is higher than I could make doing anything else. I love it, but it kills me physically. It's fucking depressing that the only job I like is also just absolutely wrecking my body. All the giant backyard bred doodles are just making it impossible. Why do they have to be so popular 😭
I work looooong days. 3 days a week of 10-11 hour days, sometimes 12 if I'm in pain and moving more slowly, or if I have 2 huge doodles on my schedule. And still I prefer the 3 days rather than shorter shifts and more days, because I also babysit twice a week and can't work more than 5 days a week.
My back was seriously injured at work recently, and my boss tends to minimize things like this. She has done so many times in the past when I was having bad pain days.
Well, she was there doing some work around the salon but not grooming, and I told her straight up that I had injured my back and it was excruciating. She saw and heard me struggling. I still had 2 dogs left to groom, and they were already there so I couldn't reschedule. One was a very overweight aussie. I was literally LOUDLY gasping and crying in pain. The only reason I didn't ask her to help is because I knew she'd have some excuse as to why she couldn't. A good boss would've told me to go home and finished my day. I'm furious now that I realize how bad the injury really was, and I worked through that shit.
She did NOTHING to help me. Instead, she peaced out while I was crying in the back bathing the fat aussie, without even checking in on me or saying bye. Finally my coworkebest friend helped me to finish. When I let boss know I'd need to take a day off, she left it to me to reschedule the dogs from home. Not being paid. Just texting clients from my personal cell. Then she expected me back feeling better a few days later! I tried to work and could barely make it through a half day, and she's asking me when the Dr says I'll be healed 🤦‍♀️ like it doesn't just take 3 days to recover from this, and it's ridiculous that she thinks that.
I filed for workers comp and paid medical leave, and my Dr says I can't work again until July. But my boss still didn't offer to reschedule a full month's worth of dogs when we're pretty booked out already. It was overwhelming for me, so I could only do a little each day. She didn't help until she decided it was taking me too long, then she so graciously stepped in to "take this load off" of me... why was it ever on me to begin with?? I wasn't being paid for that.
The worst part is that, for the dog grooming industry, she's like not even close to the worst I could be dealing with rn. It can be extremely toxic, but all my coworkers get along without a bunch of messiness. It pays well, and she offers benefits unlike most other private salons. It just feels like it's hopeless, I'll never find something better. I'll be totally broken before I'm 50. I'm pretty bummed about it.
On a better note, my doc is amazing, and I have my initial appt for PT on Thurs at a sports medicine facility, which comes highly recommended. My hope is that I'm given a weight limit once I'm able to work again, so I don't need to be dragging around 80+ lb dogs that are STRONG and fighting every step of the way. I truly hope my boss doesn't fight me on that... a lot of our clientele are big dogs, so she expects us all to be doing 2 of those each shift. I can't do that anymore, like possibly never again. I might just be permanently damaged. I hope she doesn't decide it's "not a good fit" anymore for me to work there. I think my coworkers would revolt lol. They're the best.
I do feel hopeful for my recovery from this specific injury, just not very hopeful for my future in this career.
It just sucks.
Thanks all for reading 💙

A bit of background info that I feel is relevant:

• I'm agender and use they/them pronouns. I came out to my mother about two years ago.
• Prior to realizing this, I had previously identified as transmasculine and used he/him pronouns for about 10 years. Once she got used to that, she rarely screwed up my pronouns.
• I've noticed that she's been messing up my pronouns a lot lately out of nowhere, and when she does, she says she/her instead of he/him. Again, I was using he/him for a full decade before I changed to they/them.
• My legal name (which I changed prior to coming out as agender) is traditionally masculine.
• My mother is a diagnosed narcissist but she's in complete denial. I'm working with my therapist on setting boundaries.

With that out of the way, the issue:
Earlier today, I overhead my mother on the phone with a friend of hers from work talking about when I was born. I wasn't eavesdropping, she just talks on the phone at the top of her lungs and I was three feet away in the kitchen. The first thing I noticed was that she was giving this friend a lot of graphic information that I had never heard before. I fully admit that she has the right to discuss her childbirth experience with anyone she wants, and even though it made me extremely uncomfortable that she was divulging these details, I respect her right to discuss her body and experiences without asking permission.
The story that I was told was that (tw: traumatic childbirth; near-death of an infant)>! she got sick while she was in labor and the epidural fell out, and that when I was in the birth canal, my umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck but they unwrapped it and I was fine.!<
However, this is not the story that she was telling her friend. According to this conversation, it was a whole lot worse. So I was hearing secondhand thatthey had to cut my cord early, which caused me to stop breathing and nearly aspirate my own waste, but because I was already in the birth canal they couldn't do a C-section. They also had to perform CPR on me for quite a while, my mom developed a near-deadly fever after I came out, and we were in the hospital for a week after I was born. I was much closer to death than she had always led me to believe.
As if that wasn't awful enough, she refused to use my name the entire time. She just referred to me as "the baby" and kept misgendering me. I might not have thought much of it, except that she launched immediately into talking about my younger brother's birth, and she used his name without a problem, even though his birth was also fairly traumatic. She talked about me like I was a thing, instead of her first-born child whom she knew was in earshot of the entire conversation.
I know I'm probably overreacting, but it felt really dehumanizing. I'm still in a really low place even though it happened hours ago, and I know from experience that bringing it up to her will just start a fight. She'll just turn it around on me because she "didn't mean it that way" and I was just "taking it wrong and getting offended over nothing".
I don't know how to handle this, and my therapist is out of the office for the next two weeks so I have to sit on it until then. Not looking for advice. Just needed to vent.

Stay away from the flames
All I ever heard was to stay away from the flames
Yet, these flames are gentle and kind
These flames are loving and caring
They call my name like the sirens in the sea
For they tempt me with laurels and power
For they tempt me honey and flowers
Dreams beyond mortal can dream
Sight beyond what a mortal can see
Now I step into heat at first it was sweet
Now, Fever eats my body away
Decay, decay, all must go away
Vulture only picks but never stays
The bird sings
The children scream
In the most fortuitous way
All coincides, they all say
Beware beware
For the fire that resides
Beware beware
For it comes with a price
Beware beware
For the fire consumes the mind
Beware beware
For the fire inside
Stay away……stay away…….
Stay away.

So 2 days ago my last sensor was placed. And my arm was fine until later in the day it just got achy. And i noticed more i moved my arm around the worse it got. Well today just still super achy. Not the worst pain ever but just so much discomfort that like couldnt stand it.
So i tried a pain gel around my arm that smelled like vicks vapor rub. That didnt help. I used a TENS unit to try as the ache also was accompanied by the feeling of if your muscle was about to cramp up but also not? And in my shoulder feel almost like a nerve pain but more ache less of that sharp pain. TENS unit helped while it was on but as soon as i took it off cause im tired just such strong aching.
So i removed my last sensor.
And cause ive just had two sensors in a row having to be removed i am now stuck with a few weeks of finger pokes until my next shipment comes in.
Also i was 90% sure it was my sensor that was causing the aching. Now that its removed im like 99% sure it was the sensor. As my arm still a bit achy but its already feeling so much less achy. And that feeling of like the muscle is about to cramp doesnt feel like it there.
I hate how when you find good sensor areas on your body that the exact area that doesnt cause issues is so tiny. And you move it just the tiniest bit over it causes issues.
What sucks overall isnt the finger pokes but to remember to do them. Which was why i got a cgm to begin with cause i was terrible about doing finger pokes sometimes i went days without a finger poke and just went eh ill be okay. Id check if i felt off like if i felt low or really high but otherwise i would be like forget that finger pokes are a thing.

It's not even a hurt anymore. I mean, it is deep down, but day to day i'm not achingly sad or crying. It's like I'm numb to that, I just don't feel like myself at all. I'm really trying, I get out of bed every day and I try to do something good for myself. I journal a lot, I've picked up a three or four new hobbies, I work every day and I try to stay busy. Overall it's a good distraction, but I don't feel like myself at all. My whole body just feels weak, I feel like a shell of myself, and I don't remember the last time I felt light/at peace/happy.
Not sure what to do to get out of this. I'm not sure if there is anything that I can do. Any tips welcome

Hi there,
I thought I wouldn't be able to post again, but I still have a chance. I want to share my experiences and seek genuine feedback and ideas. I’m looking for different perspectives to help me see things I might miss, but please don't dismiss me as crazy. I want you to consider my situation critically and thoughtfully. Imagine you were in my shoes and had to judge what I’m saying. Then, tell me what you would do if you were convinced through your investigative mind and pattern recognition that you discovered something hidden from others.
I feel like I'm in a world where I’m being hunted by people who have resources I lack. This unseen world isn't related to God; it’s something only I can understand because I've experienced and discovered it. How would you protect yourself if you knew what I do? I’ve figured out some ways to protect myself and am still trying, but I need more insights.
These people have methods to insert substances, like poison, into sealed containers without opening them. They can make your body absorb something harmful from food that others eat without issue. They can also use undetectable wires unseen wires to transmit harmful substances through floors, beds, clothes, and food. They can even invade your mind and know your thoughts. This all sounds crazy, and I’ve questioned my sanity. But when you piece things together, it starts to make sense, though it’s hard to explain without experience.
I’ve figured this out by questioning everything and forming theories, like figuring out the cause of a stomach ache. I was put in the worst possible situations and had to stay healthy by examining everything I ate and trying different ways to avoid harm. Over time, I understood some things, debunked my wrong theories, and learned new ones. I’ve protected myself many times by changing my behavior and understanding what’s going on. However, I still don’t know how to fully shield myself from these harmful influences.
I’ve sometimes accidentally closed my body to these influences and learned from those experiences. Eating certain foods or touching certain things has taught me what they don’t want me to know. Despite attempts to make me forget, I remember and avoid many things planned for me. They are trying to erase my memories, but I know what to avoid to protect them.
Please think about this situation. If you were in enemy territory, monitored, and unable to escape, what would you do? Imagine it’s possible and not just paranoia. What steps would you take? Don’t be scared; these people won’t harm you because if they tried, others would notice and protect you, especially in a free country. Illnesses can be caused by people, and I’m not sure most illnesses are natural. What I’ve experienced has shown me that people can cause significant harm.
I know this sounds crazy, but labeling someone as crazy can be a way to silence them. Please consider my perspective and give me your thoughts.
Thank you.

The last couple of days it just feels like the kratom isn't working at all. My body aches are back. I don't know what's wrong. This has happened a few times since I started the herb But it's never gone on this long. Any idea why or what to do?

I have a period app and it recently said that my period cycle length is normal (26 days) but my period variation is abnormal (16 days). What does this mean?
I know it’s just an app and only I know my body the best. But I’m just curious too.
This is my period history if that’s helpful - got my first period at 9 - nothing too abnormal about my periods. Always have cramping, PMS, boob aches, etc. - my periods are super short and light - my worst day in terms of pain is day 1, day 2 is the heaviest. By day 3, I could just wear one regular pad or a long panty liner and be fine. Day 4-5 nothing really comes out - I get bad hormonal acne, been on and off medication
Thanks!

Previous case
Victor hadn't been kidding when he'd said that the mechanic was going to become more aggressive. The only reason why this week wasn't my last was because I'd had Orion behind me as well as a plethora of precautions in place.
(If you're not familiar with what Orion Pest Control's services are, it may help to start here.)
For example, at Orion, all employees are advised to get lockboxes for their mail rather than regular mailboxes. It would be far too easy for a Neighbor to follow one of us home and fish out a piece of mail to find our names. This is only recommended for people who've had frequent or unpleasant interactions with the Neighbors.
You could also ward off your mailbox with iron. Salt, as always, would work as well, but I'm sure your mailman wouldn't appreciate getting seasoned every time he simply tries to give you your junk mail.
When it comes to monetary transactions, cash or pre-loaded debit cards are the safest, unless you can be certain beyond a reasonable doubt that the person ringing you out is human.
Another precaution that I've taken when it comes to the mechanic is that I've bought a cast iron fire poker from an antique store. Iron is one of the most effective weapons against the Neighbors, though it's best to think of it as an allergy rather than a perfect repellant. Some Neighbors will crumple instantly if they're within a few feet of it while others need direct contact in order to cause anything worse than hive-covered burns.
Given that the mechanic must have frequent exposure to iron during his daytime profession, I have to wonder how effective it is against him. I do see him wearing gloves from time to time, so it must do something, even if it's a minor skin irritation. Either it's a pride thing or he's just that committed to the ‘mechanic’ bit.
I've been keeping the poker in the company truck. Even if it's not lethal to him, I’m sure that getting smacked over the head with it probably wouldn't feel too good. Along with that, I've restocked my salt shells. If the mechanic decides to try anything, he'll have an arsenal waiting for him.
I don't have any delusions about being able to kill him. I think that's something only a true hero could accomplish. I'm talking about legendary individuals like Cú Chullainn, Beowulf, or Māui. People whose deeds are so great that their stories live on to this day. Find someone like that in the modern age. (Though, I would argue that Marc-André Fluery comes close. Flyers fans, don't interact.)
Reyna suggested bathing the hagstone in saltwater to amplify its deterring effects. She also wrapped red thread along the outside of the ring, explaining that it should help enhance its protective properties.
It's a good thing, too. Since my last interaction with the mechanic, promptly at dusk, I would hear the beating of wings outside, and always from the west. I risked a glance out the window one night to find a murder of crows. Ever since I saw that the birds’ shadows move independently of their owners, I don't look at them. I ignore their calls. I know who they serve.
After Reyna's additions, the hagstone vibrates against my chest whenever they're near.
However, in my case, these were only temporary solutions, unless I wanted to be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life and fearing death even more than I did before. But in the meantime… raccoons.
A client called about hearing scratching and chattering in her attic. Her uninvited guest also put a hole in her siding. In other words, it was enough of a mess to momentarily distract me from my own problems.
Raccoons are incredibly destructive, chewing up anything that they can get their little hands on. From the client's description, it sounded like we could be dealing with a nest. Mother raccoons can be especially feisty when it comes to protecting their young, so I had Reyna join me in case there were any kits.
At Orion, we are licensed to use humane trapping methods on smaller wildlife, so don't worry, no garbage kitties are being harmed. Though I want yinz to know that raccoons are not to be underestimated. They may not try to take your soul, like some pests out there will, but they can spread a variety of diseases, including rabies and roundworm among others. They also present a major fire hazard when they claw their way into a home since they can chew through wiring like nothing.
The first thing we had to do was identify the garbage kitties’ entry point. Reyna opted to go on the roof while I investigated the attic.
The first thing I noticed was the telltale stench of dried urine. Yup, those were droppings over there in the corner. Delightful. Looking around, I found that the raccoons had torn out a few chunks of the insulation, but nothing that wouldn't be too difficult or expensive to replace. All in all, it seemed like it'd be an easy call.
Then I felt the hagstone begin to tremble. Not long after, Reyna screamed.
I rushed out, my heart surging with panic as I was greeted with the frenzied calls of crows. Shit! They followed me.
She was on the ground, swinging her silver-tipped knife clumsily against the swarm of black feathers swirling around her. I heard her cry out again as I got closer to her, then suddenly, the cloud of feathers dispersed, twisting towards the sky with a cacophony of angered caws. Reyna had managed to get some salt on them before they could gouge her eyes out.
My hand was coated with blood as I guided Reyna towards the house. She'd managed to keep her eyes, but they’d shredded her with their beaks and talons. I could feel her shaking as we retreated from the horde. Reyna tried to hide it, but she was crying, the tears mingling with the blood covering her nose and cheeks like a bandit's mask.
The whole time, the hagstone didn't stop vibrating. I think that was the only thing keeping the horde from coming after us. Their calls were piercing as we took cover in the house.
The client was alarmed when she saw the state Reyna was in, “What psycho ass raccoons do I have?!”
I promised I'd explain later (I honestly don't remember what bullshit story I gave her) then asked her to watch over Reyna as I went out to get the emergency first aid kit we keep in the truck.
Reyna held me in a grip so tight that it left bruises, pleading, “Don't go out there! Please!”
Now that we weren't on the run, I could see the injuries on her face more clearly. The deepest one went through her right eyebrow towards the bridge of her nose. The rest were shallow, painful-looking cuts that criss crossed over her skin.
“They can't come near me. And I’ve got something in the truck that’ll make them think twice.” I assured her.
She didn't let go. I couldn't find it in me to pry her fingers off, so instead, I put my hand over hers, hoping that it was comforting.
The client gently pressed a paper towel to the side of Reyna’s face, her voice heart-achingly motherly as she uttered, “It's okay, honey. Everything's going to be alright.”
I'm not sure if it was from pain or something else, but Reyna noticeably stiffened when the client spoke to her in that maternal tone, closing her eyes as if to keep more tears from falling. Her clutch loosened until my wrist was freed, her hand dropping limply to her side.
The fucking birds sounded like they were laughing when I marched out to the truck. The sound grated on me as I snatched the fire poker and the first aid kit.
“Laugh at this!” I snapped as I swung the poker at the nearest crow.
It let out a squeal as the poker grazed its wing, hopping as far out of reach as it could afterwards. They didn't cackle after that.
After we cleaned Reyna's injuries up, they didn't look quite as terrible, but just to be safe, I dragged her to the hospital. Thankfully, the client was an absolute angel about the whole thing and understood that one of our employees being injured was going to be a setback. I called up Victor to inform him of the situation as well as the entry points that we’d found; he took over where Reyna and I left off.
On the way to the hospital, Reyna muttered, “So… does my little Alfred Hitchcock moment initiate me as an official Orion employee?”
Wearily, I gave her a small chuckle, “Yeah, you're one of us, now. Lucky you!”
“Hey, I’ll take the murder birds over Psycho Mantis.” She replied with a small smile.
Her nickname for the mechanic. I think it's from a video game. I don't know. Never quite got into them.
It was quiet for a moment. The smile faded away as she distantly said, “I think that's how they do it. They take your eyes, they take you, you know?”
I nodded, feeling a lump in the back of my throat, thinking about how the mechanic can control someone just by meeting their gaze. “I think you might be right about that.”
I couldn't help but wonder if the Hunt had attacked her simply because she's an Orion employee or if they were drawn to her because of something else. Was she grieving over something? I didn't know her well enough at that point to be able to tell. They hadn't hesitated to go for her eyes. If that was the case, that'd make her the most vulnerable of the three of us.
Another thing I want yinz to know when it comes to dealing with the atypical: if you or a loved one has been harmed, one of the best things you can do is to support the victim. And if you need support yourself, ignore that stupid little voice in your head that tells you not to bother anyone and reach out. Isolation will destroy you in more ways than one.
After I got Reyna settled at the hospital, I made a beeline to the river to find another hagstone. Clearly, Reyna was going to need one, too.
Naturally, the stupid birds followed me, causing my hagstone to quiver nonstop. I went into the woods armed with my toolbelt and the iron poker. I opted out of taking the shotgun simply because I was going to need a free hand to look for another hagstone. There was a part of me that hoped that one of them would try something so that I'd have the opportunity to smack the shit out of them.
While I was searching, among the crows’ calls, I heard whispers. They sounded close, like they came from behind some brush about twenty feet away, but I believed the False Egg when it said that the whispering thing likes to confuse its victims. Without listening to what they were saying, I glanced around as the river's cold water rushed around my boots, trying to figure out what was stalking me.
The whispers pretended to move further away. But still, I couldn't see the thing causing them. I clutched the poker tighter. The crows had stopped their chattering. They heard the voices, too. Hold on. What were they all looking at?
Gingerly, I pulled out the hagstone and held it to my eye in the direction of the crows' gazes. At first, it looked like one of the trees, until I was able to make out a triangular head with eyes the size of basketballs. It held up two massive, folded appendages that were lined with sharp spines. It looked to be as tall as a draft horse, yet it was so still that I couldn't even tell if this huge animal was breathing. The whispers were quieter than they'd ever been before.
Those huge eyes were fixed on me. I didn’t dare move.
One of the ‘crows’ glided to the ground near to the whispering thing, passing in front of my field of view. I stifled a shudder when I saw the state of its frail, humanoid body. Its skin clung like molten wax to its ribs and spine. Tattered wings extended from the sides of its torso, the feathers looking as if they were ripped from numerous other avians and fused to the miserable animal's stretched, contorted arms to make it fly. Where the eyes should have been were empty sockets. A curved beak had been forced onto the creature as well, driven into the skull hard enough to leave ridged, fleshy lumps.
Now that I've seen it, I think the crows were human, once. Transformed and disfigured to serve the Wild Hunt.
The crow shuffled a little too close to the whispering thing. Quicker than a blink, the whispering thing's folded appendage shot forward, curving around the crow's midsection, spikes driving into the crow's torso. My mind could barely keep up as the whispering thing then bit the crow's head clean off with a terrible crunch.
The other crows began to frenzy, shrieking as they dove towards the whispering thing. Without having to take a step, it snatched another crow out of the air. Flesh ripped with a wet tearing sound.
Since the animals were all focused on each other, I took the opportunity to dig frantically around for a hagstone, holding my own against my eye in the hopes it would lead me to another one.
There was a low hum that I felt more than heard. Deep within my chest, as if I was standing next to an amp at a concert. This was followed by an enraged screech from one of the crows. Still, I kept looking.
There had to be one. There just had to be!
One circular, black rock stood out among the rest, the water seeming to outline it from the view of my hagstone. There! I plucked it out of the water, looking over my shoulder to see if either the crows or the whispering thing were paying attention to me. They were too engrossed with trying to tear each other apart.
I shoved the black hagstone into my pocket and made a break for it, poker at the ready. One of the crows noticed and let out an ear-splitting cry to alert the others.
As I ran, I checked back to see that three of the crows split off to pursue me. I wasn't worried about them catching me. The whispering thing was another matter. This was only my second time encountering it and I hadn't had enough information to identify it, so I didn't want to find out the hard way if the defenses I had on me would be enough to stop it from tearing me apart like it did the crows.
There was another low hum that rumbled against my ribs as the whispering thing used one of its forelegs to swipe a crow out of its way. It had lost interest in them, its huge amber eyes focused on me once again. I prayed that the crows swarming around it would be enough to slow it down.
As I raced through the trees back to where the company truck waited, the whispers started anew. They became louder and clearer the faster I went, interrupted by the shrill cries of the crows tailing me. I did my best not to listen to any of them. The last thing I needed was to get led astray by any of my pursuers.
A crow swooped close enough for me to smack it with the poker. The sound the bird made when the iron scalded its skin made my teeth clench. The others joined it, bringing me to my knees, my ears ringing. High pitched, grating, like broken glass against a chalkboard. Disoriented, I swung desperately with the iron poker again, not hitting anything.
And among all that, the whispers hadn't stopped. My head rang, ears going numb. I swung again. One of the shrieks stopped as the poker found its mark. Even as the auditory assault continued, I got to my feet, grabbing the trees closest to me to keep myself going. The whispers became even more frantic as its prey got further and further away. The truck was right there.
The two crows tailing me had finally stopped their dreadful screaming and simmered down to furious clicking sounds with their beaks, as if they could think of nothing but stripping the flesh from my bones.
When one tested the limits of the hagstone as I got close to the truck, I swatted at it with the poker, the tip colliding with the creature's skull. The crow’s body crashed against an oak’s trunk, then went still.
As soon as I cleared the treeline, the whispering stopped. I looked over my shoulder. The whispering thing was retreating, only visible for a brief moment before blending in among the trees.
It couldn't leave the forest. That was good to know.
I closed myself into the truck, leaving the furious crows outside. They glared at me from the branches of a nearby oak. After taking a moment to collect myself, I drove back to the hospital, wanting to hand the black hagstone off to Reyna before anything else.
At a stop sign, I got a text from Victor: he had finished setting traps for the client's raccoon infestation and was going to meet me at the hospital.
Reyna was chilling in her hospital bed, face bandaged, wearing a hideous blue hospital gown decorated with faded green and pink squares.
“Guess who got her rabies shots!” She announced with a sleepy grin, holding her hand up in a shaka.
Someone was clearly given the good painkillers.
Victor arrived a few minutes later, wearing a black mask that covered his mouth and nose, smelling strongly of lavender. It made my nose itch.
“Why do you smell like an old lady?” I complained.
The mask intensified his withering stare, voice muffled by the mask, “Lotta blood around here. Probably wouldn't be too good if I smelled it.”
Reyna chimed in, slurring slightly, “If you're gonna eat anyone, go for the receptionist. He was reading Anne Rice, so he'd probably be into it.”
It was Reyna's turn to get The Glare. He said flatly, “You're high as a kite, aren't you?”
Reyna flashed a peace sign.
To summarize Reyna's condition, she's as okay as she can be. They had to close up her eyebrow and cheek, and they gave her a plethora of shots to make sure that she didn't catch any diseases from the crows. The hospital doctor wanted to keep her overnight to make sure that she didn't have an infection, then afterwards, she was going to take some time off of work to recover.
Also, I slipped the black hagstone into her purse so that it wouldn't be misplaced.
After we discussed Reyna's injuries, I decided to address the elephant in the room, “So… what can we do about the mechanic?”
Reyna shrugged, “Grovel and plead for our lives?”
Victor rubbed his eyes. “We might be a bit past that point.”
I asked Victor about the specifics of his deal with the mechanic. I knew that there had to be some sort of condition that had to be fulfilled before the mechanic could take someone, otherwise I probably wouldn't be alive to type this right now. Reyna was equally curious.
The boss seemed reluctant to speak on this matter, at first. I told Victor that he didn't have to share anything if there was any possibility of retaliation. The last thing I wanted was for him to be punished in some horrific manner for trying to help me.
He eventually shrugged a shoulder in resignation, “Whatever happens, I can handle it. It didn't take him long to figure out that I was the one that helped you find the hagstone. That wasn't pleasant, but…” He went quiet for a second, his eyes glazing in a way that reminded me of when I first came home from active duty. He then shrugged again, “I'm willing to risk it if that means getting a chance to hurt him back someday. Lord knows it's been a long time coming.”
He didn't tell us what the consequences had been for assisting me, and neither Reyna nor I pressed the issue. Some mysteries are best left unsolved.
Even though I was nervous to hear the answer, I didn't pull any punches and straight up asked, “Why hasn't the mechanic sent you after me yet?”
Victor considered for a moment, then explained, “I'm not sure on the specifics, since the mechanic doesn’t tell me anything other than what I need to know to get the job done. But from what I can tell, he takes those who are dead, dying, or… ‘dead inside,’ I guess is the best way to put it. Some souls appear to be harder for him to take than others. The hard ones need to be… broken down first. As of right now, he says you're not ready.”
Reyna numbly asked, “So if the birds tried to nab me, does that mean that I am ‘ready’? That they could take me at any moment?”
Victor hesitated before replying, “We won't let that happen. Alright?”
Reyna nodded, eyes low.
I wanted to ask her what was going on. Figure out why she was suffering in a way that made her fair game to the crows. But she'd been through enough for one day. That discussion could wait for another time.
My next question was another one that I dreaded the answer to, “And where do you come into all of this, Vic?”
Regretfully, Victor admitted, “I bring him the ones that are ready if he can't get to them himself.”
He glanced at Reyna, “As of right now, keep that hagstone on at all times. Even wear it when you're sleeping. The mechanic didn't know who you were initially, but I guarantee the fucking Lessers tipped him off. I think he’s more focused on Nessa, at the moment, but if I get sent after you, hit me with iron, salt me, do whatever and don't feel bad about it. Same goes for you, Nessa.”
I hated this. I hated that he was being used like this. I hated that he spoke about someday being sent to drag one of us to meet our fate at the hands of the Wild Hunt as if it was unavoidable.
The air suddenly felt like it was much thinner in the room. Somehow, I got enough oxygen to ask, “What if I learned the mechanic's true name? Would that end this?”
Victor let out a soft scoff, rubbing the bridge of his nose over his mask, “Probably, but good luck with that.”
I had already figured that the mechanic wouldn't dance around a fire singing his true name all willy nilly like Rumpelstiltskin. But I couldn't accept that all of us were screwed. There had to be a way. I had to believe that there was a way.
I announced that I'd be back in the morning. Reyna looked as concerned as her painkillers would allow, while Victor jumped out of his seat.
“What are you going to do?” He demanded.
“I'm going to talk to him.” I replied. “One of us is in the hospital and another one of us is undead-”
“I know it's looking bad right now, but they can easily get worse if whatever you're thinking of doing goes south.” He cautioned.
“I'm just going to see if there's some way I can… I don't know, talk him down? I haven't gotten that far yet, but something needs to be done.”
He didn't look convinced, and with how terrible my argument was, I don't blame him. “I'll go with you.”
I motioned towards Reyna. “And leave her alone?”
Reyna, looking like she was fighting sleep, groggily said, “I got the adder stone and I'm in public. I'll be fine. If you're going to confront Psycho Mantis, you're going to need Vic around more than I will.”
Victor agreed, “Like it or not, you're not handling this alone. Remember what I told you when you got hired in?”
We're not heroes, we're pest control specialists.
You know that thing I said about not isolating yourself? I can be bad about not following my own advice sometimes, especially that one.
Going forward, I do want to note that the decisions that were made on that night were extremely risky and I don't recommend for anyone to repeat them. Believe it or not, we are professionals.
On our way to our destination, we stopped by the 24-hr convenience store. Victor was about to question me until he saw me go for the whipped cream. I also got s'mores supplies, thinking that maybe some bribery would make the mechanic more amiable. I figured that if he rejected them then, hey, I like s'mores, too.
Afterwards, we followed the path to the skull trees.
During our hike, Victor whispered, “That fucker is hubris incarnate, but he's not stupid. If he offers you a deal, know that it's not going to be in your favor. And be careful with the way that he twists words.”
Something noteworthy is that the hagstone doesn't react to Victor. I think it's because he doesn't have the same malicious intentions as his captors. He may have changed after his murder (hell, anyone would) but at his heart, he was still Victor. Meanwhile, as we got closer to the skull tree clearing, I felt the stone gradually begin to quake.
Up ahead, orange light flickered. The mechanic had a small fire going. He lay on a blanket next to it, that cursed banjo on the ground beside him, one arm folded under his head, legs crossed at the ankle. His eyes were closed.
He didn't open them as he greeted us, “I was wondering when you two would show up.”
Keeping my nerves buried beneath the surface, I held up the bag of sugary goodness. “I'm here to negotiate.”
He laughed, still not looking at me. “Are you, now? And what exactly do you think a little thing of cream will get ya?”
“Not much, I imagine.” I said evenly. “But I thought it'd be a good jumping off point.”
Even though I’d originally protested Victor coming with me, I was glad that he was there. I don't think I would've been able to be so level-headed if I'd met with the mechanic alone. It would probably be interpreted as a sign of weakness, but I was counting on that.
As soon as I saw the mechanic begin to crane his neck towards us, I slammed my eyelids shut. He knew way more about me than I'd ever wanted him to know already, and I was afraid of giving him more.
Again, another potential sign of weakness. When it came to trying to get him to back off of Orion a bit, I figured it'd be best if he underestimated me.
I didn't have to see the mechanic to know that he had that wicked grin on his face, “Alrighty. Let's see what you've got.”
A hand that was as cold as the grave gently removed the bag of goodies from my grasp. Victor. Wordlessly, he brought the cavity-inducing offering over to the mechanic. I never realized how quiet his footsteps were until then. He moved like a shadow. He could've been five feet away or five hundred, for all I knew.
There was the rustling of plastic, followed by the trademark sound of whipped cream being sprayed from the nozzle. Sounding slightly less prick-ish, the mechanic told me I had his attention.
I had been trying to find the magic words that would make this whole situation blow over. Nothing that I came up with in my head fit that description.
So I decided to be straight forward, then go from there. “What will it take to de-escalate things between you and Orion?”
The whipped cream wailed once again. A moment later, the mechanic replied, “Why are you asking a question that you already know the answer to?”
“Other than my soul.”
He chuckled softly, the sound too casual and charming for this sinister discussion.
“You know, I’m curious, puppydog,” Fabric rustled. Without looking, I assumed he'd sat up, “Which o’ your parents are you most like?”
Here we fucking go.
I tried to redirect him, “With all due respect, that isn't relevant.”
“Oh, but it is.” His tone of voice brought chills to the back of my neck. “You see, I'd be willing to take a trade. Find a soul as mouth-waterin’ as yours, and all this goes away. Hell, I might even let you rest in peace! You know what choice your father would pick.”
I was hoping that the firelight wouldn't be enough for him to see my face flush and my jaw stiffen. That had touched a nerve, just as he knew it would.
That was also a horrible deal. One that I wouldn't even consider. There was no way that I could condemn someone else to an afterlife of torment. I wouldn't wish that on anyone, not even that weasel-faced client that I rescued the False Egg from. Not even my father.
Swallowing back the plethora of terrible emotions threatening to bubble up, I suddenly felt Victor subtly squeeze my shoulder supportively. Under normal circumstances, he wouldn't hesitate to give anyone who insulted his employees a piece of his mind, but the mechanic was the last Neighbor to mouth off to. That was the best he could do for me, in the moment.
When I informed the mechanic that I wouldn't sacrifice someone else to save my own skin, he laughed again, “If only you knew how many times I heard those exact words! Thing is, I ain't even got started on you, pup. Given enough time, you might find you're more like your old man than you thought.”
I took a deep breath to keep the mixture of dread and anger confined to my chest, then calmly replied, “Sounds like you know exactly how everything will play out. Isn't that boring for you?”
The tension that filled the air after those words left my mouth made my chest feel tight.
The whipped cream can wheezed thoughtfully before the mechanic mildly admitted, “A bit, yeah.”
There it is.
“You already have all of the advantages,” I started, “It’s not much of a hunt if your prey can't even run, is it? There's no challenge in killing something that's already baited and trapped.”
“So, what do you suggest?”
Oh boy. I was about to do one of many things I warned yinz not to do: “The only way I can bring you the excitement you're craving is if I have a fighting chance. And a good one. I'll be searching for your name, but I need to know where to look first.”
His laughter made me suppress a shudder. I remember thinking that I should've known that he'd see through my words like he saw through everything else.
The mechanic then said, “I know what you're trying to do, pup. But the problem is, you're right! It's too easy anymore, especially since y'alls names are just available on the internet for anyone to find. I've been getting kind of soft lately.”
This was his soft side?
The mechanic continued, “You really think you can pull this off, pup? I know you're a fighter and all, but you're not a warrior, not really. Being a soldier ain't the same thing.”
“I may not be Cú Chullainn, but I'm as close as you're going to get in Mercer County. We've got a bit of a warrior shortage around here.”
He snorted, “You seem awfully sure of yourself for someone who can't even look at me.”
“I'm not sure about anything. That's why I'm here, isn't it?”
It was quiet for a moment with only the frogs chirping in the forest able to find their voices. Not even the whipped cream broke up the silence this time. I was tempted to risk peeking through my eyelashes, but managed to resist.
Just as my nerves started getting to me, the mechanic said, “So, you want me to give you a hint. That's a lot to ask, but you knew that already.”
“You want something in return.”
“Hagstone. Smash it.”
No way. It was too valuable. If I gave that up, I was dead. I promptly shook my head.
He sounded amused. “Shoulda known you wouldn't fall for that.”
Looking back, I wondered how many he'd tricked like that. Giving up some form of protection after being misled into thinking the mechanic was going to let them go, only to regret it seconds later. Probably far too many.
He continued, “Alright then, we'll talk for real. I'll give you that hint, but I got some conditions. You get three chances to guess correctly. Each time you guess wrong, you have to give me one of your names starting with your first, middle, then last name. Don't try fucking with me by trying to pass your middle name off as your first.”
That made my throat tighten even more. If I agreed to that, failure wouldn't just spell disaster for me, but for everyone I knew as well. I'd be dragging my mom and anyone else associated down with me. I'd essentially be doing what he already requested: sacrificing others to save my own skin.
I heard Victor faintly, from my right, “Don't!”
The mechanic wasn't pleased, “This ain't about you, blue eyes. This is between me and her.”
The stakes were getting way too high. I couldn't do this. But then what? The Hunt wasn't going to wait around for me to find another way, assuming that there even was one. Victor clearly thought it was a terrible idea. For the record, I did, too. I could feel the boss' eyes on me, willing me not to forget what he'd said earlier about dangerous heroics.
Maybe there was another way and I just couldn't see it. But desperation has a way of messing with your head.
“If I agreed to this,” I started, knowing that I was probably digging my grave even deeper. “And I haven't agreed to anything. just to be clear. If I did this, I'd need the assurance that you won't send your crows or hounds or any others that serve the Wild Hunt after those that I care about. That includes my colleagues and me, for that matter. Like you said, this is between us two.”
The mechanic chuckled and I heard him shift again. “You're feeling awfully bold tonight, aren't you?”
I reminded him, “You want this to be interesting, don't you?”
He considered, then with a click of his tongue replied, “You hear that, blue eyes? Means you, as well. On both sides, mind you. Same with that witch doctor. Yeah, I know about her. I keep mine out of it, if you keep yours out. All's fair, right?”
I didn't feel right with any of this, but the alternative was for things to continue as they were. If that happened, we were all screwed anyway.
“And if I agreed, the hint that you provide will have to be both true and helpful. And it'll also be given in easily understandable American English, no riddles or puzzles or any other forms of confusing phrasing. You’d also have to give it to me tonight. The whole thing would begin after that.”
Once again, he laughed, “Shit, you're not messin' around!”
I know how the Neighbors do deals. If I hadn't mentioned it, he probably would've given me the hint in the form of a riddle spoken in backwards Gaelic.
“Alright, pup, I get the picture. You know what you're dealing with. I’ll play nice.”
His voice had a subtle sardonic edge. Nothing about this was going to be nice, if I chose to go this route, but that wasn't news.
“Oh, and one more thing!” The mechanic added a little too cheerfully. “You have until Samhain. I’m sure you know why.”
It's June already; still a good while away from October, but this year feels like it’s flying by fast, like every other year following 2020. He didn't have to explain why: the Wild Hunt are at their most powerful during Samhain, which for those who don't know, was a Celtic holiday that eventually gave birth to Halloween. It's when the veil between the atypical world and ours is thinnest.
In short, it's a busy day for Orion. Looks like it’s going to be even worse this year.
Victor spoke again, “Can I talk to her for a moment?”
“Nope. You don't get a say. Either she takes it or leaves it.” The mechanic answered curtly.
As I deliberated, there were subtle taps on a tree nearby. Hold on. Morse code. M-I-S-S-I-N-G. What was I missing? Maybe it was because I hadn't clearly spelled out what I wanted to happen if I correctly guessed the mechanic's identity.
“If I accept this bet, then if I find your name, you’ll relinquish your claim on my soul, as well as all other Orion employees, whether they're living, dead, or undead. Have I made that clear?”
After a moment, the mechanic answered, the smirk blatant in his voice, “You have now.”
Of course. It was so simple. If I had gone through with the deal without being specific about the outcome, the mechanic wouldn't have been obliged to release any of us. I would've done all the work to identify him for nothing. Tricky bastard.
Thanks, Victor.
With a heavy sigh, I politely asked the mechanic to repeat everything that we'd just discussed to make sure that he wasn't going to conveniently forget something. To my surprise, he did it without comment, though he sounded like he thought the whole thing was funny. He left nothing out.
When I say that agreeing to this deal was one of the hardest things I've ever done, I mean it.
I instantly had second thoughts the moment I heard the mechanic stand up and cheerfully say, “Well, you ready for that hint? You’re gonna wanna open your eyes for this. I can show you better than I can tell you.”
Oh God, I made a mistake! No. I could do this. I had to.
Black cherries. He was in front of me. Steeling myself, I opened my eyes. The mechanic stood as close as the hagstone would allow, a dark silhouette in front of the crackling flames.
“Blue eyes, would you mind holding puppydog’s hagstone for her? Wouldn't want that gettin’ lost, now, would we?”
What?!
“Don’t get all frantic, I can’t do shit to you until you get your hint, per our agreement,” The mechanic said dismissively as Victor approached me. “You’ll get it back after.”
Victor looked apologetic as he gently removed the most powerful defense I had. He had an odd glint in his eye. Was that defiance?
I’ll get you out of this, Vic. I promise.
The very moment that he was able to, the mechanic grabbed my chin, forcing me to meet his eyes.
A church surrounded by black water… A great feast of viscera and wildflowers… Black thorns drinking the blood of the unworthy… The great antlered headdress of the White Son of Mist… Pricking his finger on those horns… He signed in blood…
Victor pulled me back, not giving the mechanic even a picosecond to take full advantage of being outside of the hagstone’s influence. If he hadn't been holding me up, I would've been on the ground, still recovering from what I'd just seen.
“You find that ledger, you find me.” The mechanic said coolly.
That church. It reminded me of something. In the morning, I’m going to check our records. For now, I just want to crash. I'll keep yinz updated.
On the bright side, there weren't any crows waiting for me when I got home.
(Here's an index of all the cases I've discussed so far.)