This is the second time I've written representative Kiley (R-CA) regarding support for UAP disclosure amendments and initiatives. And this is the second time he and his team have responded with complete dismissal, not even acknowledging the topic. I've called his office on this topic as well. I want to share this for anyone that may be in his district, so that they do not support him for re-election since he is unable to even acknowledge this issue. His non-response is below for anyone that wants to read how he pats himself on the back for merely existing.
"Thank you for contacting me, and I'm grateful for the opportunity to respond. It is an honor to represent you and California's Third District in the U.S. House of Representatives.
Whether working as an English teacher in inner-city Los Angeles, as a prosecutor to keep our communities safe, or serving in the California State Assembly, service has always been the guiding force of my life. In Washington, I view my role as working to ensure the federal government is responsive in serving the needs of California residents and partnering with my colleagues to advance real solutions to the problems facing our nation.
I’m committed to considering all perspectives before making a decision, and your message is invaluable in doing just that. I will be sure to keep your thoughts in mind surrounding this issue, and if you would like to share any additional information or perspective, please don't hesitate to call my office at (916) 724-2575.
Once again, thank you for taking the time to contact me. I value your thoughts and believe the respectful exchange of ideas serves as the lifeblood of our representative government. I also invite you to visit my website at Kiley.House.Gov to sign up for important updates, or follow me on Facebook (Congressman Kevin Kiley) and Twitter (@RepKiley)."

The COG fought the UIR for 79 years, bringing total destruction on Sera. They finally signed a peace deal, but after just 6 weeks of the end of the Pendulum wars, the Locust came in the millions and wrecked havoc. Still the humans managed to put up a fight despite loss of resources and manpower in Pendulum wars for 79 years.
If this were to happen in today's time where the Locust just popped up everywhere in the globe and started rampaging, would the world's military managed to hold them off? We don't have the Hammer of Dawn orbital weapon, but would we just desperately used nukes and in the process destroy the planet?

My wife and I have been together for 18 years. Her birthday is on Christmas Eve and she is a twin. Also I have always worked in retail, grocery specifically and that time of year is horrendously busy for me. Because of these things, in the 20 years of friendship, 18 years of a relationship and 12 years of marriage she has never had a birthday party. Sometimes there is a joint cake for her and her brother tacked on to Christmas but not always.
My birthday is in the middle of summer and usually gets celebrated. Sometimes a party, a family trip or even a small dinner. It’s horribly unfair and this year I made a plan. My love of tiki has rubbed off on to her, minus the rum aspect. I was able to fairly easily pitch redoing the landscaping in the backyard as continuing the work on the family room where the bar is. My plan is to throw myself a great big tiki party but actually be a surprise party for her. I have collected a guest list of her friends, close work people and family we don’t see day to day. I have never done anything like this but I’m trying to approach it as organized as possible.
My plan so far is:
Guest list of about ~50 people. Most are not familiar with tiki drinks and so I think the best approach is batched approachable drinks, wine and beer offerings as well as non alcoholic drinks. I’m not planning on children but I don’t want to create a barrier that our guests have to navigate so they will be welcome.
Menu:
The party kickoff time will be 6:30 so I have plenty of time to cook. I also have two grills with over 800 sq in of cook space and an old 21 in Weber kettle so plenty of space to cook simultaneously. I think probably Sterno pans on tables to keep everything food safe for the next little bit.
Teriyaki grilled chicken breast
Grilled Bok Choy
Grilled pineapple
Spam fried rice
Crushed cucumber salad
Spring rolls
Potstickers
Depending on the amount of kids I may also do some fries and nuggets.
Drinks:
I’ll be hiring someone with an event bartending business so that I can actually entertain instead of work like most of our parties. I’ll have him come early so that I can show him a couple of recipes for those that know a bit more and give him access to my bar and rums of course and set him up with a tip for extras. The drinks will be pre batched in beverage dispensers and he’ll just have to occasionally stir and serve over ice. And throw in a nice garnish. I’m not sure if I will set him up on my side yard near the entrance or make a temporary bar top in the gazebo where I’ll be building a permanent bar soon anyway. Might be a good test run.
Kava Bowl (easy lemon/pineapple forward drink)
Blue Hawaiian or Painkiller, (for something with coconut, not sure which yet)
Suffering bastard, with ginger beer to top (easy, refreshing sipper might be attractive to mule fans)
Sauvignon blanc
Pinot noir
Assorted beers (ipa, lager, cerveza, seltzer)
Decor:
Aside from a couple of happy birthday signs I don’t plan on doing much decorating. I’d like to let the work we’ve done speak for itself and want to stay as far from the party city, luau, tiki-in-a-box look. I have a handful of diy projects to go but otherwise, clean is a good look to us.
Renting round tables, tablecloths and chairs I think will be most cost effective. The biggest challenge so far I think is the drinkware. I am waffling back and forth on whether or not to do like 9oz chinette type cups, maybe plain maybe themed or invest in some acrylic mugs I found on Oriental Trading that I can throw in a tote and keep handy in the attic for future parties. For food, drinks, bartender and supplies I have made peace with about $1500.
My questions are: what is the best way of containing the surprise? How far out should invites go out? Is that a reasonable budget? Are the permanent mugs worth it or should we stick to disposable? Are there any challenges that anyone has coming up against that would have been nice to know about ahead of time?

Introduction:

Hello, Hello everyone! I hope yall are doing good, and a Happy Pride Month to any and all who celebrate it. With a new month, comes a new challenge, and this one was right up my alley. Some of you will remember this concept from a couple of weeks ago, when it was a mere rough concept, but after taking feedback and seeing this month's challenge, I have fully ironed it all out. This is also the first time I have designed a Support Champion instead of a Carry or Bruiser style, and as you can probably tell from my submission history, I love making Mechanically Complex and Unique Champions. A Mechanically Complex/Unique Support was difficult for me, but as I mentioned, I got a lot of good feedback from people, and was able to create O'Rin, Lady of Butterflies
O'Rin is an Ionian, Vastaya that is supposed to be a mix of Battle Mage (or Warlock as I like to call them) and Enchanter, similar to Karma in that intrinsically she is a Support Champion that needs to be with an Ally in order to function, however she provides extreme amounts of Battlefield Utility and Damage, in this case through her Butterflies. Unlike Karma however, O'Rin is almost firmly set as a Bot LaneSupport Champion because her abilities revolve and rely on her allies. She could be a Mid Laner, in conjunction with a very tempo-oriented or Snowballing style Jungler, however she has very little tools in her kit that this would require, namely waveclear, consistent damage abilities and Lane Pressure of her own. On the other hand, just like Karma, O'Rin is designed to forego the traditional Support Items, barring World Atlas and maybe Imperial Mandate, in favor of AP Items as she scale incredibly well with Raw AP and Mage items in general. I foresee her Core build being World Atlas (Zak'Zak's Realmspike) > Imperial Mandate > Rabadan's Deathcap > Banshees's Veil/Cosmic Drive/etc in order to maximize the AP that she can get to turbocharge not only her Butterflies but also her abilities, especially considering that the abilities come with decently long cooldowns.
As to how she support's her Allies, O'Rin provides devastatingly powerful effects at the cost of long Cooldowns and Conditional Activation that relies on her teammates. She is very clearly designed to work in Higher Elos with Higher Skill pilots, however she provides a vast array of tools within her kit. The Butterflies on their own provide True Damage, Nearsighting. Crowd Control Amplification, Executes, %Max Health Burn Damage, Damage Amplification and Healing. Of course you cannot access these effects at the same time, but similar to Viego, participating in a Takedown Chain will allow you to rapidly cycle between effects of your choosing, allowing you to rapidly inflict whatever effects you want while in the middle of combat. In addition, her actual abilities provide Knock backs, Stuns, Heals, Shields, and of course work with her butterflies, creating a very potent Support Champion, at the cost of being incredibly squishy, incredibly complex and incredibly team reliant. More specific detail will be talked about in the Analysis Section below.

Base Stats:

Base Health: 530 + 90/Level
Health Regen: 4.0 + 0.5/Level
Base Mana: 400 +35/Level
Mana Regen: 7 + 0.5/Level
Armor: 30 + 4/Level
Magic Resist: 28+ 2/Level
Base AD: 50
Base AP: 70
Movement Speed: 335
Attack Range: 575

Abilities:

Passive: Butterfly Swarm:
O'Rin has a swarm of 3 Butterflies surrounding her, increasing by 1 when she reached Level 6, 11 and 16. Damaging Abilities and Applying Crowd Control send a Butterfly with a Unique Effect to that enemy. Healing or Shielding an Ally will instead send a Butterfly to them, empowering them to send a Butterfly of their own via the same conditions. Butterflies will stay with Allies for 15 seconds, before returning to O'Rin. If an Ally dies while bonded to a Butterfly, the Butterfly will immediately return to O'Rin.
Enemies can only be affected by a Butterfly' sent from the same Host every 10 seconds, unless Monarch's Ascension is used, Once a Butterfly has applied its' effects, it takes 1-5 Seconds, depending on distance from O'Rin, to return to her, and it cannot be sent to an enemy or ally until it is fed again.
O'Rin's Butterflies apply Unique Effects, depending on what plant O'Rin has fed them. Once all of O'Rin's Butterflies have been sent to an Enemy and returned, they must be fed again for the next 1.5 seconds, during which they are unable to be sent to an Enemy or Ally. O'Rin can choose what plant to feed them, to change what effect they apply:
White Lotus: Butterflies will deal an additional 12.5% Current Health True Damage to their Target
Black Nightshade: Butterflies will Nearsight Enemies and reduce their Movement Speed by 50% for 3 seconds. Additionally, the duration of any Crowd Control Effects applied within this time is amplified by 50%
Green Hemlock: Butterflies will Execute target Enemies if they fall below 7.5% Max Health. This effect will apply up to 1.5 seconds after the Butterfly lands on a target.
Red Wisteria: Butterflies will burn Enemies for 7.5% Max Health Magic Damage over 3 seconds
Blue Jasmine: Butterflies will deal an additional 40 + 20% Bonus AP Magic Damage to the target, and heal O'Rin or the ally which they where bonded to by 150% of the damage dealt.
Additionally, Butterflies will apply O'Rin's On-Hit and On-Damage effects only, however an Ally's Attack or Ability will apply their On-Hit or On-Attack effects like normal, via their own Attack or Ability.
Q: Chrysalis Kunai
Passive: O'Rin can store an amount of charges of this ability equal to the maximum amount of Butterflies she has. She regenerates a charge every 3 seconds. When she runs out of charges, O'Rin must be out of combat for at least 5 seconds before she will start regenerating charges again. Each charge has a 0.5 second, static cooldown between uses.
Enemies hit with 3 Kunai within 3 seconds are Knocked Away from O'Rin. If they hit Terrain, they are stunned for 0.75 Seconds, and a Butterfly is sent to them, if one is available and will apply its' effect, regardless of Butterfly Swarm.
Active: O'Rin throws an enchanted Kunai at a target enemy, dealing 20/30/40/50/60 + 35% Total AP Magic Damage.
Static Cooldown: 0.5 Seconds
Static Mana Cost: 25
W: Nectar of the Ancients
Passive: On Takedown, O'Rin can re-feed her Butterflies.
Active: O'Rin gives a target Ally some of her Sacred Nectar, healing them for 50/60/70/80/90 +40/45/50/55/60% Bonus AP and giving them 25/30/35/40/45% Bonus Movement Speed for the next 2.5/2.75/3/3.25/3.5 Seconds.
Cooldown: 15 Seconds
Mana Cost: 75
E: Flight of Beauty
Passive: While under the effects of Flight of Beauty, Allies cannot receive a Butterfly from O'Rin via Nectar of the Ancients, or Items, unless O'Rin is the target, in which case all of her Butterflies will contribute towards this ability.
Active: O'Rin surrounds herself or an Ally with half of her Butterflies, prioritizing ones that must be fed, granting them a (30/40/50/60 + 15/20/25/30/35% Total AP) per Butterfly, Shield for the next 2.5 Seconds. During this time, if any of the Butterflies can still apply their effects, and O'Rin or her Ally attempts to send a Butterfly to an enemy, then they will leave their Host and the Shield will decrease by the aforementioned amount.
Cooldown: 22/19/16/13/10 Seconds
Mana Cost: 125
R: Monarch's Ascension
Passive: If O'Rin dies while her Butterflies are in a Frenzy, the Butterflies will leave their hosts, and the Frenzy will dissipate.
Active: O'Rin summons all of her Butterflies back, feeds them with a plant of her choosing, puts them into a Frenzy for the next 15 seconds, and then sends her Butterflies to all of her nearby Allies. While in a Frenzy, they gain the following benefit;

• Butterflies can now apply their effects 3 times before they must be fed again
• Butterflies will now travel 2x faster to and from Targets, Allies and O'Rin
• While in a Frenzy, Butterflies will return to their Host instead of O'Rin
• Butterflies from the same Host can affect the same Target every 3 seconds now

Once all Butterflies have calmed down, they return to O'Rin and must be fed once again.
Cooldown: 180/120/60 Seconds
Mana Cost: 100

Lore:

Long Ago, when peace and harmony covered the land, the Spirits walked freely across the Land of Ionia. With them, the Vastaya did as well, romancing the humans and embracing the calm and steady life that Ionia was known for. Each Spirit took the form of an animal native to Ionia, and roamed the land, wholly unknown to the commonfolk and sustaining the Spirit of Ionia itself.
Mirithra, the Spirit of Nature itself, was oft to take the form of a Large, Colourful Butterfly and roamed the land, making sure that the Humans and Vastaya alike kept it proper. Myths and Legends grew from this, describing either a gentle, protective Butterfly that blessed those who came upon it, or a monstrous, cannibalistic flying creature that consumed any and all who dared tread foot on its' land. Nobody knew which story was true, yet all who walked amongst the sleepy forests, along the ivory coasts, up the craggy, granite peaks kept this story in mind. At the same time, others dismissed such things as the story that it was.
Indeed, there where some that took this the other way, and instead of treading carefully, took it upon themselves to hunt and slay this creature, not understanding what it actually was. Most failed, however after the son of a Lord was killed, the Spirit was hunted and slain. The beautiful butterfly that once flew through the forests, was cast into the depths of a dark cave. Its wings broken, its body full of stone and lead, it reverted into a Chrysalis and the Spirit went into a deep hibernation.
Millennia passed, and the tectonic forces of the world eventually revealed the entrance to the cave once more, and this was how O'Rin's ancestors found it. Still in the Golden Age of Ionia, her ancestors nurtured the Chrysalis, for they where stewards of the land instead of defilers of nature. After many years, the Spirit awoke yet again, but this time forsoke its bestial form. The only remnant was an intricate tattoo in the shape of a butterfly, that lain upon the chest of the clan's newborn child. But this was no ordinary marking, for rather it was a blessing by the Spirit upon its' caretakers, that gave them an extended life of eternal youth and the ability to commune with the Spirits themselves.
The ones marked by such a tattoo where elevated to Matriarch or Patriarch of the clan itself, for such powers where a sight to behold, and came with great wisdom and a long, powerful life. Yet for all these gifts, only the first born child of the Blessed could be granted such powers as well, and upon that child's birth, the Blessed would be found dead and a Butterfly would be found amongst the child's cradle. The butterfly would be a lifelong companion of the new Blessed, as they grew and matured both into a caretaker of Ionia and as the head of the clan.
O'Rin was the newest in this line. Just as previous generations had, her mother had died in childbirth, and her father had vanished, and in their place O'Rin was born with the tattoo upon her chest and a venom black butterfly resting upon her cradle. Such an ominous sign was not forgotten by the clan's elders, for this was the first time in history that a Black Butterfly was found with a child. In a quick, panic-driven, fear-induced coup, they cast out O'Rin as the head of the house, throwing her into the deepest, darkest prison within the massive estate.
Located amongst the high peaks of Northern Ionia, within the dense granite, the prison was O'Rin's home for the first part of her life. Yet within the darkness, amongst the cool air, isurrouunded by unyielding stone, the Black Butterfly found its way to O'Rin and just as previous generations, accompanied her as she grew within the the Prison known only as The Well of Despair. Yet instead of despair, O'Rin grew and matured with a sense of defiance. Instead or murderers, rapists and all other sort of criminals, she found instead people who where loyal to the estate rather then the Elders. Unbeknownst to the recent generations, the clan's elders had slowly corrupted and consolodated power to themselves, deposing all who stood in their way, and turning O'Rin's family into a puppet, while they ran the estate for themselves. With the Black Butterfly at her side, these former soldiers, stewards, clerics and advisors raised O'Rin in the ways of her ancestors. Reading by the ghostly candlelight, sh learned of the legends behind her family. Training by the handful of hours fo snlight, she became adept at a multitude of martial arts. Speaking in echoes through the mountains, she learned the Common Languages and the Uncommon languages.
In time, her Vastayan Roots came to fruition as well. From a young age, her skin was mottled and grew into rough scales. Her tongue, grew longer, and eventually split into a fork during her teenage years. Her irises changed from wholly circular to narrow slits, yet her vision became acutely stronger. Through her childhood, such changes where met with awe, and could not be controlled,yet in her teenage years she became adept at changing herself at will. She could disguise her mottled, scales as pale, smooth skin. She coudl shorten and fuse her tongue for a short time. She could rapidly grow out her hair after much exhaustion, to lose it days later.
Soon, her day of reckoning came, for upon her ascent to womanhood, she and her adoptive family escaped from the mountain prison, and set off for her ancestral home. Behind her a massive vanguard followed, made up of all those who who where falsely imprisoned with her, but also the humans and vastaya alike who where downtrodden by the clan's elders. Yet beside her always, was the same Black Butterfly that had been with her since birth.
She and her allies quickly overwhelmed the Elder's soldiers, and she retook her ancestral position back. With great speed and brutal efficiency, she purged the corruption and rot within the estate and instituted people who where not only loyal, but also capable in their place. Nevermore, was anything like this going to happen to her family again, and indeed the estate continued to thrive. Notably, she had her people hide and protect her lands with the strongest magic they knew of. Nestled between a mountain ranges, and amongst sleepy forests, these magiks guaranteed their survival from any potential physical and political invaders.
By in large the estate functioned like normal. Her vassals continued with their life, living in peace and prosperity like all before them, but she instituted a strict return to the stewardship that had been lost generations ago. Her land, while physically hidden, was quite easily accessible, and it became a respite for the Spirits, be they escaping from Human Hunters, or the Azakana that opposed them. Make no mistake, Humans, Vastaya and all in between lived amongst her estate, but only the Spirits could come and go as they pleased.
The heart of this Stewardship, was the Butterfly Shrine, where not only the original Spirit of Nature, Mirithra, permanently lived, but any other Spirit could visit to rest and recover in either their Mortal Form or their Animalistic Form. The Butterfly Shrine was half in the physical realm and half in the Spirit Realm, and was the crown jewel of O'Rin's estate. Humans could come and go, offering prayers and offerings to the Spirits, while the Spirits themsleves could rest, safe from the influence of physical hunters and Azakana alike.
The smoke from prayer incense drifted constantly through the air. Silent prayer took place amongst the Courtyards and Gardens. Food and other offerings where placed at the numerous shrines. The Gardens themselves where tended and amongst the plants, an incomprehensible collection of Butterflies lived with the Spirits. Notably, O'Rin's signature Black Butterfly could always be seen amongst the swarm of rainbow colored insects, for just like her ancestors, O'Rin had the power to commune directly with the Spirits directly within the realm, and served as bridge between worlds, and Mirithra had quickly bonded with her, re-uniting her family line, with the Spirit itself.
It was her duty as the Speaker of the Spirits to commune with them, but it was also her duty as Aegis of the Ancients to protect them as well. Such was the case, when invaders pierced the veil between worlds and began to defile the land with chaotic, dark magic. Yet as quick as they came, they fell quicker still for O'Rin wielded powers that where hitherto unseen. The gardens of the Butterfly Shrine, home to Butterflies and Spirits alike, rose up against the invaders. Thought quite beautiful, the Butterflies where capable of destruction themselves and O'Rin was their caretaker.
In time, she met a handful of outsider, that somehow traversed through the Spirit World and had arrived at the Butterfly Shrine. She knew not how they had survived, nor why they had come, yet all who arrived where clearly strong enough to survive amongst the Spirit Wilds, and respectful of the Spirits themselves to travel amongst them for so long. She met a tall, lithe swordsmen, with a red mask bound to his face, bleeding from many wounds and collapsed upon the forest's floor. She met a Ninja Master and his Apprentice, traveling amongst the Wilds, in search of the Spirits themselves, in search of harmony. She met an armored warrior. and his Acolytes, wielding shadowy, chaotic magic also in search of a Spirit. She offered them a respite, amongst her people and Spirit's alike and it was only their respect of the Spirits that kept them alive. As for keeping the Butterfly Shrine a secret, O'Rin bound all of them with a Blood Oath before they left the refuge, cursing them to hold their tongue lest they immolate in unending Spirit Fire.
In time, she found herself growing older, and with it came new responsibilities. She was of child-bearing age, and Tradition and Fate meant that she was to take a lover and give birth to a new heir, one who would take up the mantle as Speaker of the Spirits and Aegis of the Ancients. Yet O'Rin took care in whom she pursued, for haste was of nigh importance to her. She did eventually take a lover after many years, and many years after that they married, and years after that she found herself heavy with child. By no means, was she her young self that had overthrown the Elders but nor was she an old, demented Lady like the Elders that she had overthrown. Her pregnancy would be long and hard, but she was determined to uphold her duties till the birth of her daughter. In her mind,she knew that her life's end was near upon her, yet she felt a serene sense of happiness, knowing that child would be born into a safe world, accompanied by a Butterfly of their own, and would serve the Spirits as she had, reaping the same benefits she had.

Quotes and Interactions:

Pick Quote: Behold! The Butterfly Swarm takes flight!
Ban Quote: The Swarm will not rest!
Zed: My Butterflies will devour you and your dark magic, Defiler!
Shen: My praises, Spirit Walker. The Spirits themselves bow to you...
Akali: Careful young one! Your blades are Sharp, but my Butterflies are hungry!
Kennen: Where you to visit the Butterfly Shrine, you would achieve the Enlightenment that you so desperately desire...
Syndra: I pity thou. An unjust fate, for a woman whom was destined for greatness...
Karma: Your play at serving the Spirits! My family has served for Millennia!
Yone: The Azakana have been culled, and for that you have my thanks!
Xayah: Your actions are admirable! Mayhaps you would join our Sanctuary?
Rakan: A pity that you are spoken for, but your loyalty is admirable nonetheless!

Inspiration:

I was debating whether to put this above, but I decided to put it here. Apologies in advance to TheHerald for having to read all the way down here in order to see if this qualifies for the competition. This champion qualifies for the competition under the Art of Inspiration. My initial Inspiration was from Vincent van Gogh's Butterfly Series, however the specific Inspiration behind the Butterfly Swarm Theme and the Feeding Mechanic is Long Grass and Butterflies as well as Grass and Butterflies. The paintings are an abstract work where you can interpret the paint as either long grass in a field while blowing in the wind, or Butterflies feeding upon grass in a field. This became the initial inspiration, and of course I took it and ran to create the fundamental mechanics behind O'Rin.

Gameplay Analysis:

Writing a Gameplay Analysis is almost as fun as designing the champions themselves. It allows me to explain how my vision for the Champion and their gameplay, while also allowing me to reflect upon the design process and fix any errors or ambiguities that arise. But anyway, I digress.
O'Rin's main Mechanic is of course the Butterfly Swarm that she manipulates. Just a disclaimer, this is the first time I have ever build a Support Champion, however I think I did a decent job. Initially the effects that the Swarm can apply look to be incredibly strong on their own, in fact when I designed them I thought about what sort of passive would I give to a BruiseHypercarry, ie:

• %Current Health True Damage is very similar to Fiora's passive, and incredibly strong in the hands of a Bruiser or Assassin
• Nearsighted and Crowd Control Amplification are rare enough effects that a Support's entire Passive could be just this and it would be strong.
• Green Hemlock is The Collector's Passive but slightly better, and while you don't necessarily build The Collector for the Execute, and Execute is an Execute. This is incredibly good for Bruisers and/or Marksmen
• Red Wisteria is Burn effect that scales with Max Health. Everyone knows how annoying Brand is, and the ability for multiple people to apply this is similar in that vein. This could very well be a Mage's Passive on its' own.
• Blue Jasmine is a decently strong Damage Modifier, that also heals for a huge portion of the damage dealt. On its' own this could be the passive for a BruiseAssassin

However, these strong effects are gated behind some conditions that neuter O'Rin from spinning out of Control. Namely, that you can only apply these effects from the same "Host" once every 10 seconds, or in the case of her Ultimate, once every 3 seconds. Coordinating these effects would mean having a team that actually knows what O'Rin does and can function around her, which is the second Mechanism that keeps her balanced. O'Rin's intrinsic Butterfly Mechanics rely on your ADC/Team as a whole to understand what they do, and how it affects the rest of the kit. For example, Flight of Beauty is a shielding ability, but it can also be turned into an Offensive Ability at the cost of the Shield itself. The final effect that gates O'Rin, is the fact that all of her Butterflies have the same effect, which means that based on your Gamestate and Team Composition, you may want a different effect. For example, if you have a high octane, early game comp, White Lotus and Blue Jasmine are going to be more valuable compared to Black Nightshade or Red Wisteria. Consequently, if you are facing a heavy BruiseTank/Juggernaut Comp, then Red Wisteria and Green Hemlock will be more valuable. Even if you are skirmishing in 2v2s instead of 5v5s, then Black Nightshade would be more valuable then anything else, because you can lock down and kill the carry int he skirmish fast. What ability to use and spread to your Allies is going to depend on a lot of factors, and having a good team that can capitalize on your decision is also important for O'Rin to function properly
As mentioned, Flight of Beauty and Nectar of the Ancients are the abilities that synergize the best with the overall Butterfly Mechanic. Nectar of the Ancients is a decently strong, scaling heal, but more importantly this is the main way that O'Rin can get a Butterfly onto an Ally. Butterflies will only go to an Ally if O'Rin can heal or Shield them, so she needs one of each type of ability. The Heal itself scales incredibly with AP and also applies a MS Bonus that scales with rank in how long it lasts and how large the bonus is. Truth be told, this is a very powerful ability on its' own, but combine it an the Butterfly Mechanic, and you have an Enchanter that is unquely suited for more aggressive ADCs instead of scaling Hyper Carries. Flight of Beauty is the shielding ability, and uniquely it scale not only with rank, with AP but also with Butterflies. Specifically, the AP Ratio increases with Rank, and because O'Rin intrinsically scales the amount of Butterflies that she has, it also increases the total Shielding AP Ratio that is used.
Then we come to the Coup de Grace of the kit, Monarch's Acension. In essence, t is really simple, because it is a huge stat boost at the end of the day, but it allows O'Rin to make her Buttrflies and in extension her teammates extremely lethal and punishing. First, it automatically allows O'Rin to re-feed her Butterflies, which means that she can change what effect they apply just before or just after a teamfigth starts. From there it provides utility, such as the ability to re-apply effects on the same target every 3 seconds instead of 10, as well as being able to apply said effects 3 times instead of 1 before needing to be fed. This makes her O'Rin absolutely lethal in team fights, as applying something like Black Nightshade or White Lotus on a significantly lower cooldown and with the ability to do it multiple times means that unless O'Rin is dealt with immediately or before a fight, it will be very hard to combat, given the sheer amount of stats and effects that she allows her team to apply. However, killing O'Rin will dissipate the swarm, and therefore if you can kill her early in the fight, then the combat pressure she applies will also be gone
The main point behind having such High AP Ratios that scale as hard as they do was to incentivize O'Rin to not build Support Items, but rather AP/Mage Items. All of her abilities scale incredibly hard with AP, and this is because I wanted to push her towards a more Karma-esque build path. My intended, or rather predicted build path would be a World Atlas (into Zak'Zak's Realmspike) into a Blackfiretorch, followed by an Imperial Mandateand finished by a Rabadan's Deathcap. This gives the Mana and Raw AP, which O'Rin desperately needs/wants to turbo charge her abilities, whilst till providing some form of Support Utility. Namely, Imperial Mandate is arguably the best Support Item in the game, and O'Rin perfectly synergies with it, given her poke with Chrysalis Kunai and the Crowd Control Effects on Black Nightshade. Dipping into Imperial Mandate reduces the total amount of AP you can get in 3 items, which realistically Supports most commonly hit only 3 items or so, but the Coordinated Fire effect synergizes too much with the kit to not dip into it. Blackfire Torch gives her the Mana she needs, and also AP, but more importantly the Burn from BFT will spread via her Butterflies that deal damage. This means that with the help of her Allies, she can very quickly spread the Burn to many enemies, which in turn amplifies her AP temporarily, which in turn amplifies her Healing and Shielding. Rabadan's Deathcap is a must for any AP Centric Build, so that is why its the Capstone of this build.
Rune Wise, I actually think that O'Rin would take Unsealed Spellbook more then any other Keystone Rune. She is unique in that she does not really benefit from any other runes specifically, as the entire kit is really around enabling her teammates, but on the flip side, the traditional support runes really do not feel like they would fit either. Summon Aery would be the other potential Keystone Rune, but at the same time O'Rin actually benefits from being able to cycle her Summoner Spells because it would give her the flexibility she needs in order to survive or switch gears to help her teammates. Beyond that, I catered her Base Stats to be very Mana Hungry, so going Inspiration Primary with Boots + Biscuits > Sorcery Secondary with Mana Runes would probably be her most optimal Rune page.
Finally, in terms of weakness, O'Rin is designed to be incredibly squishy and immobile. Her Cooldowns are pretty long, and her envisioned build path has little little CDR. As well, her abilities are impactful when used offensively or on other people, so not wasting it on herself and using it on the proper target is important. Additionally, her high dependence on AP means that she is goign to be buying the most expensive item in the game, being Rabadan's Deathcap, which not only has a terrible buildpath but is coming off the income of a Support. In total, O'Rin really wants to play aggressively and snowball her lane matchups, while simultaneously being incredibly squishy and immobile. As well, she wants to be paired up with an aggressive ADC, which means that she will often be putting herself in danger, but if she can be piloted correctly, she can take over games on her own, given how strong her Butterflies are and how fasts he scales with AP.

But for me it was until I fell
I know it hadn’t been long since it was goodbye. I’m sorry that the last memory of each other wasn’t bittersweet like I’ve been imagining all these years. Before you say anything, yes although I always told you that you’re all I see in my future, I meant that but whenever I have my moment of clarity, it really brings me down. It usually happens in the mornings when I wake up. To be correct, I broke down many nights when you slept and it would continue when I woke up. Why? I think you already knew the answer as soon as you thought it. All the cheating and the lying back then really killed a big part of who I was but then for the first time since forever, I was so hopeful for you! I was able to get over the fact that there were many before and during me because I always seen your true self since back then. I’m just really good at suppressing things in order for the bigger picture. What cemented my understanding and outlook on it was when we sat on your bed against the window that one night. The one where you told me something like,
“You were always in my heart though”
Or
“I’ll always have you in my heart”
IDK why but I get fixated on the words you said because no matter what words I jumbled with to match that memory, they were all equally heart breaking, bittersweet yet so loving that I could die happy knowing that I was loved that by the person I gave my heart to. I know i made things difficult by being insecure after. I can only say that after that night, if anything, I fell harder and got back into dream land real quick lolol. I only wanted you to myself and that’s why I asked to the most basic things that were just words and your time. Then I started to see that it wasn’t gonna happen.. I fell j to deep depression again. During this time is when I got clarity that lasted really long because I remember asking you for weeks to be your true self with me because I knew it was time to let go. You don’t remember me asking for the ending I was content with? Although I now wish you would’ve gave it to me, you didn’t. And the reason why I took that as a sign to wait for it, I was a little hopeful that you would decide to be with me instead. We actually came close two times, once when you left but was mean the morning you came to drop off things and second was that night I cuddled up to your armpit while it was raining on my face. Fuck you for that
That was all I needed and felt content and most important peace. Soo, yes I wish you would have done that for me. So far, whenever I nod off, I see you in every dream but it’s always whenever I’m about to wake up because I could’ve sworn you were either to my left or my right and saying something to me and with me being exhausted, would eventually “wake” saying okay baby I’m up. It’s the silence that makes me scan the garage and finally realizing it was all just a dream. This is where I woud talk to you as if you were here and it would obviously rain again and I’m just that little boy again, waiting for that little girl to come and grab my band and run away together

It felt frustrating in Chongqing. I was rather stuck in Hechuan. I got accustomed to lajiao (spice) there. I was a Midwesterner at the age of 22. I was raised in Illinois. I became a manic—a Ferris wheel on fire—I was hiding under a bed in a hotel. Bold like napalm. Sometimes I can never stop. Even when I was 18 in a ward arguing with staff. Always want to fight things. That’s why I refused the meds and went on a plane from America to China. I was going to be an English teacher. And like a light switch, the change and SSRIs turned me into a mess. It would be my first time experiencing psychosis. My biggest issue. I never imagined I would be stuck illegally in a country suffering a psychotic episode in my early twenties.
Transplanted as pollen. I was left with a backpack and a cellphone. With a downloaded app called WeChat. I had arrogantly quit a university job in a fit. Spent the past months full of energy and not sleeping and neglecting myself, including not eating, to work on a novel. Not considering myself normally religious, I had obsessed over occult ideas during that time. Spending nights reading Aleister Crowley—haven taken a rusty pocket knife to carve a pentagram on my chest for spiritual protection.
I did not have funds to fly home. My visa was connected to my previous job, which meant I had now made it void. I was an illegal resident now in China.
I used a nifty app called WeChat as a messaging app, it allows users to find people near them that are also looking for others. It was like a virtual pond. All kinds of people, including sex workers trying to make things happen.
It could with luck be used to find people looking for people in terms of other kinds of work. It was helpful on many occasions for finding gigs working at English training schools and also finding work as a private tutor for people.
WeChat also works as a digital wallet.
Mania makes me irritable. Enough to tell a boss to fuck off. Thoughts ricochet within me. Bumper cars collide.
Being stuck and angry sucks. I scrolled and scrolled on a Huawei phone.
Absolutely pissed off at this world.
Pissed at the times police wanted to take me away for being a mess.
Sometimes women get pissed. Scrolling through their phones. Angry at their cheating husbands. It really is not that hard to have flair—be a damn white oddity. Like moths to a porchlight. Particles of sand through hands. This is when I first started the habit of it…
I rather go by a rather empty name of Taishen… with further explanation needed but now is not convenient. But I assure it is interesting enough and has some importance.
Habits are various in nature in how they attach to and eat at marrow—like atom bombs flashing as rays evaporating DNA—sets in a way less than human as putting myself in the cage of bad things taken up—my time as a former heroin addict is left as stretch marks on me in various ways. The same goes for the first time I found myself making arrangements with middle aged married women while desperation of waves whiplashed me like sandpaper hands coming at me to leave me in a tiring state of abrasion.
I had spent a night snuck away into a hotel. Found someone on a business trip. Instead of registering I waited to sneak along into the hotel elevator amongst a group of others attending the hotel, as I had no card. I headed to a designated room number. Originally I was sitting in a park. Playing on WeChat and found someone in their mid-thirties. Pictures were exchanged and I said no. She brought up paying for the hotel if I arrived. I agreed and went along.
When I met I washed up after her and we used our phones to awkwardly translate what we would do.
Room service knocked. I found myself hidden under a bed as I was not registered to be there.
It seems unusual that it was around this time I had started working on a story of my life as a heroin addict when I got caught up in my worse manic episode ever experienced during my age of 22. Finished half that story before never going back to it after my manic episode had ended. Now I am here writing about it and wondering if the same can happen again in the process of this work.
It feels extremely cliché I would write a novel about struggles with heroin addiction. It has been done many times. It’s just lame of me.
I feel like my thoughts are bit off. I left the hotel the next morning with the little money I did have on a debit card. Turns out the woman was from Taiyuan. It is a city in the northern part of China in the province of Shanxi—coal country with the worst air pollution in China. She has a colleague in Taiyuan that takes courses at an English training center. I was able to contact this place in the morning via a shared contact on WeChat given to me by the stranger I met that night.
Before I knew it I was sending my information and documents in my backpack at an internet café in a fax—with the intent that the woman agreed to share my information to the training center as she shared my contact to its hiring manager. It would land me a job that day that would help me out of my situation. Things turned not quite out as I expected though. I was shifted like a ball to somebody else to contact for a training center geared to teaching children.
I took what I had and ran off to a train station after taking the public transit. Unfortunately I was shit for money and could not afford a high speed rail pass. The slow train would take thirty-two hours to get to my destination. I would have taken a room with a bed but all I could afford was a hard seat for the travel.
Things were getting better for me in the circumstance considering I had found someone willing to take me for work despite my visa situation.
The thirty-two hour train ride was horrendous in some ways, but mostly I was in excitement despite the circumstances. I’m always giddy when disappointed. I moved up and down the aisle of the train. I could not speak mandarin, but it did not stop me from trying to interact with everyone. I talked many ears off during the train ride. I went up and down the aisle trying to interact as a moth to porchlights—I could not stop even if I had wanted to. I found great enjoyment the times I did get to sit across a table from somebody my age heading to Taiyuan from Chongqing. They were a university student returning to their hometown. Another passenger who sat beside me was an elderly man with hard boiled eggs, he was eating one after another one. I highly enjoyed each and every conversation that I had. It was like my head was a lightbulb wanting June bugs to bang against it with the intensity of Roman candles shot at my mouth of nicotine tinged teeth.
“If you find someone in Shanxi it is practice to pay the family money before you can get married. You would also have to already own a home and a car,” told my new friend across in their seat from me—a university passenger friend named David.
“Not necessarily what I was looking for. When is the next stop for snacks?” When the train stops I am able to get out and to have a walk onto the platform to buy various goods from the vendors to take back with me to eat along the ride to Taiyuan.
I had all my important documents tucked in my bag. This included my health clearance and obviously I made no mention of my mental health diagnosis or history to the doctor who had to evaluate me. My diploma and TEFL certificate were tucked away securely. A TEFL is a certificate that stands for Teaching English as a Foreign Language, it qualifies me to teach English as a second language abroad—it had only took a few months of taking a course online that I had paid for to obtain.
It is easy to be happy when you can trick yourself as your own con artist. Mania can make you deceive yourself. One can be doused in napalm and still not fully recognize what is actually going on. Same goes the flicking of psychosis. Even when I have nothing I find myself in my radiating irritation the most qualified of things—the velocity of my rhythm sets me out of an orbit.
The pressure cooker keeps me moving like a propeller at times. I finally arrived at Taiyuan. I arrived at the station to be greeted by Ryan my manager and his assistant Jennifer. We had our hello and introduction and they helped me get to a taxi that would bring me to my new apartment. I finally had a residence again. Apparently they were desperate for a teacher. The last teacher was from New Mexico and apparently they pulled a midnight run—that is when a teacher in the middle of the night disappears onto a plane back home without any notification of it.
The apartment was okay. On the fourth floor with no elevator, so it was a bit of a climb up a dark stairwell not lit correctly.
My job was a training center that had a location near Yingze Park in the center of the city. I was to be paid in cash via envelopes. I would assist in teaching kindergarten all the way up to high school aged students there in private lessons paid by their parents. I would also be assigned by my company to various primary schools in the city. I would take public buses to various schools paid by the company I worked for to give English lessons as I bounced around to various classrooms and schools in the city. Often I would receive a phone call to avoid going to work that day if my boss got inside input that officials would be doing raids to check foreigners’ visas that day.
A taxi ride would always be a thrill. Caused me nerves at first, but I came to love the flying in dangerous ways along a busy road. I remember a driver beeping their horn away as they drove onto the sidewalk to pass people. They treated the pedestrians as if they were in the wrong. I came flying in front of a primary school at its front gates. I was going to start teaching a first grade classroom and a kindergarten classroom. The way schools are set up is with a wall around the entirety of the exterior of the school. There is a gate at the front where one or two security will be waiting to let people in and out of the complex of the school.
I walked in front of the gate to greet the security. It was my first time with an assignment at this school. The guard said they had never seen me before and wouldn’t let me in. Not a big nuisance while I called my boss who then called the school to sort out the situation.
I miss the classroom so much. I ended up teaching in China for five years at various training schools. After returning to Illinois, I still taught as a primary school teacher in a public school.
I often feel extremely ugly from inside to my outside, but something is attractive there. This does not come just in terms of flirting and relationships—mania makes me a genuine lightbulb that flickers in a way that encourages the insects to me—everyone looks like a June bug—this is what I have come to understand about life. But that ugly does kind of stay like rot in a cavity that leaves a bad taste in the mouth that smells foul—hoping nobody catches the smell near me—it must tie into my struggles with bulimia over the years.
The same goes for my years as a teacher—in relation to the whole lightbulb phenomenon—I’m positive it is tied to mania and hypomania. The younger students always were fixated on the information I was teaching to them. I kept over the years methods taught to me and self-taught that I found extremely effective with younger students when it comes to teaching.
Everything was physical in learning in terms of intensity and ambition. When teaching my first grade classroom I would create flashcards for the vocab we would work on and implement in creating new sentences with. We would chant these words together in a way that made me a clown while teaching. Students would yell out the word that I presented with intense enthusiasm. As I walked by students it was expected that while they yelled out the word they would also physically hit the card. Later I would also work on physical gestures and acting out of vocab words and they would follow the actions and phrases with me.
I would often eventually turn the class into two teams. When students got an answer right I would behave comically and full of energy—I would give them a high five and pretend they were so strong with it that it hurt my hand in the process with much exaggeration—the students always seemed to never get tired of this act.
One game I would play involved drawing two stick figures with happy faces on them. Each figure would represent one of the teams for the classroom. I would draw a hungry alligator under the figures. Their faces would also be comical in appearance and full of exaggerations. Each figure had a parachute placed over them and four strings attached. During the game the students would race to say the word correctly represented on the flashcard or the correct word for the gesture I was making. The team that was not the slowest would lose a string on the parachute. If a team lost all four strings they would fall to the alligator who would eat them. The students found it hilarious with my actions involved in it. I would also draw tears and a person praying to represent anticipation and worry of falling down each time they lost a string.
I had a tooth game too. I would draw too large faces for each team. The team that could answer the flashcards and gestures the quickest would have a tooth drawn in their mouth. The team with the most teeth would win and it would look rather funny as the mouth grew and grew with an abnormal and extreme amount of teeth.
I often did other physical and interactive games like having students run to the word I showed a card to or gestured—each word would be attached to a point in the classroom on a wall.
I know it sounds grandiose, but the parents always seemed to think I was great at my job.
The word vulnerable means so many things to me. That word is like the coal to form the generator that makes the guiding energy for the ethics I follow in my life—I hold very strongly to these values that have developed on how to live—I can express it more later but I greatly attach a kind of Christian value system to it, which makes sense considering I was raised in a Lutheran household and always went to church, Sunday school, and went to my courses and went through my confirmation—everyone is a bit of a mop—some pick up clean water and others dirty or a mix of it—waiting to find the people to drain them voluntarily or involuntarily. I was born vulnerable. I walk pigeon-toed and grew up tripping on my feet—I speak with a soft feminine voice. Bipolar disorder makes somebody vulnerable. There was much vulnerability in being eighteen and hospitalized involuntarily for my first manic episode—tied to a stretcher. I have almost a sense of us vs them—the vulnerable and those that harm the vulnerable—take advantage of the vulnerable—I feel this is a very much Christian in the idea of the unfortunate are more holy than the rest of the bunch—children are like that in terms of being born into a cruel existence—a cruel existence I felt at times in my life and so many do—making sure harm does not come to those in need gives the light of purpose to go bright inside like a Christmas tree in my brain—this light of happiness and warmth. I never expected I would fall in love for teaching due to the antidepressant effect provided. It would become my career for a decade. Some grow up wanting to be a teacher, I became one by accident, desperation, and being saved.
Sometimes I inflate on self-hate like a helium balloon that needs to be tied to a wrist. The vulnerability equation is imprinted on my brain.
In my early teens I started struggling with bulimia and image. I remember when my mother caught me in the act. I was not offered help but criticized. I was called a girl for my problems and threatened to be taken somewhere to be fixed of my confusion. I don’t identify as transgender. I identify as a man that struggles with bulimia and happens to have feminine qualities.
I attribute it to circumstances that happened to me—a justification for the pain at times—an attack on aspects of bisexuality.
After a long day of work I did what my young self often did. I went clubbing with friends. I feel like even if I hide aspects of myself such as being bisexual, people can spot it regardless. I’m extremely secretive about it and not comfortable displaying that vulnerable aspect of myself.
My friend from England went with me. He was about six years my senior. Big guy. Tall. The clubs name was Maoye.
I always enjoyed the free drinks available to foreigners—it was done to attract Chinese clients, as the idea was foreigners being there would attract people.
Amongst the hot and sweltering crowd a man grabbed ahold of me. I felt stuck. I was taken off guard. Pushed and cornered. While on me I managed to push him off. But it all serves as a reminder of the vulnerability of my life.
A nail was placed into my hand—a constant burn and reminder of that vulnerability.
Part 2
From self-hate I can also be so grandiose. I am like a Christmas tree that is lit up. Sparklers so pretty that you cannot let go of them, even if it burns your fingertips and hurts.
From heroin to sex, you can smother the pain. You drain the ocean to fill a void in these times. It ties to mania as well. That restlessness and irritability is extinguished by the paradox of throwing kerosene to everything burning. I’m so grandiose to hide my insecurities, I mistake my misfortune as a mark of something ugly virtuous—the neon of vulnerability pulsating like a star within me. Swelling on a pain.
Bad habits. I want you to judge me and tell me what’s wrong with me. Give me a verdict.
Stress a trigger for mania, and I was stressed from the incident I had experienced at the club. I bloated like a tick to distract from locusts of thoughts that could not shut up with their commotion.
I had been sleeping around more than before. My brain was Christmas tree lights. I accelerated on a generator—I made a mixed episode worse.
Tease a disaster when you are heightened like a blimp. Full of hydrogen. Hoping to burn up ad rain down like napalm.
When the pretty candles on the Christmas tree are left untouched—not looked at like a kettle on burner that has been forgotten—the dry neglected tree will into a house fire.
I’ve had four attempts in my life so far.
When I attempt I don’t cry for help. I feel too vulnerable. I’m afraid.
Hate police and wards.
Downing pills.
My past failed attempts made me aware of everything done wrong before. The sleeping pills alone might not do what I was looking for at that time. I bought an electrical cable. This way if it failed I would still be unconscious and choked out by the cord—fail safe plan to end my life.
The words coming out of my mouth slowed down. I started getting second thoughts. Stuck my face towards the toilet bowl while on my knees. Sticking my fingers down my throat. Leaving blood vessels bursting in my eyes.
Went stumbling outside and waved a taxi down and asked to be taken to the local hospital.
Never expected finding myself checked into a psych ward in a foreign country.
Nietzsche has a quote in reference to chaos in life and how it is needed to create a star—this reference holds so much value to me. Sometimes stars hit together just right to create fate out of the worst of things. The ward lead me to meet the woman made of paper. She would one day become my wife. I would have two daughters with her. Forge together as soldiers to face the obstacles in life. Someone who would save my life during a future attempt when I was found unconscious from an overdose. The smartest and toughest woman I have ever known. Someone to build trenches with.
I liked it when she stuck that needle in me for an IV. It must correlate to being a heroin addict. The pushing of something in my vein correlates to happiness and purity.
The woman made out of paper was my nurse in the ward I was stuck in. What attracted her to the mess that is me I will never understand fully.
The woman made out of paper is named Lilu. She was one year older than me and one of my nurses at that ward in Taiyuan. She was from Zhengzhou—a city in the province of Henan that is based in the center of China. I am sure as the reader it would be nice to know why I call her the woman made of paper.
She struggled with her own demons. She also deserves much praise for her resilience and brains. When she was born she was raised by a family that adopted her and often neglected and abused her growing up. Her biological family is distant from her, even though she has an identical twin—they felt too poor to take care of her and made the choice that they needed to be less of one child as she also has an older sister—her twin got to stay with that family but she was given up and adopted. I am sure this must bother her even if she never will talk about it to anyone in her life—as she is one to refuse ever discussing emotions and feelings, as this is not her personality type—she is very much a fighter. I think most would struggle with wondering why they were the one let go of—it also must hurt her knowing that the family would have a son and keep him.
Despite all these circumstances, she graduated top of her class of four thousand students—Chinese high schools can be quite large serving a large region—they often serve as boarding schools. She was a smart and hardworking student. Circumstances never made her stop trying to be the best and moving forward and she never made excuses for herself. In university she also did well and got accepted at the most studious and hard to obtain nursing position at the number one hospital in Shanxi.
I have already ranted and gone on about my affection and feelings tied to heroin. Drinking of entire oceans to fill voids.
Paper is a void. It asks for calligraphy to be written on it to make braille. This way when fingers run over skin, it tells worth—the reason for troubles—it forms connection through those words of declaration—the whining for why things are the way they are—the filling of a void like a heroin addict needing a cure—two papers come together to write upon one another—as a paper I am her typo—I stand as a falling mess with nerves like tripwire, I keep failing and losing my composer, while she stands stronger as a declaration that has been written on—when I was chased I listened to her and joined as one. I wish and intend to always serve the woman made out of paper who has saved my life and has always been there for me, being so strong despite circumstances—amongst the wind of turmoil in life I follow along her path.
It was love at first sight for her but not for me. I had no interest in dating her at the time. I worked across the street of that hospital in an office building for a training center as a part time job. I would teach adults English who paid for private lessons near to Yingze park in the center of Taiyuan. She signed up for classes for me to teach her and brought me food on almost every other day that she had prepared. Eventually we found ourselves coupled fully.
In a pit. I get to burn as paper amongst another’s paper. Eternally. With a life that will keep reoccurring.
Part 3 Liu
A woman like Chang’e lived on a moon. Far away.
You can refer to me as Liu.
At the age of 19 I was diagnosed with a severe nerve pain condition. It is called trigeminal neuralgia but you can call it TN for ease.
I was frustrated. I had completed a degree in international finances from Chongqing University of Business and Technology. The boom of the economy was not the same. There was an urge to “lay flat”—to not try as a form of opposition to everything going on in a waning economy in China.
All are elephants chained for an audience. People love to peek and stare as though they are glass doors without hinges—to be made feel useless.
I developed TN at the age of 19, and was now 22. It came as an arrow, and quite literally to the face. It’s a rare nerve pain disorder often considered one of the most painful conditions known.
The illness involves intense nerve pain throughout the left side of my face. It felt like someone was trying to pull all of the teeth on the left side of my face without anesthesia. The pain can leave me falling to the floor unable to speak or move while screaming profanities while choked by pain. A feeling of a knife to my face over and over again. It leaves me in absolute shock. Like Roman candles to the face. An absolute hindrance. The anticipation of not knowing when it will happen again is a nightmare at times.
The disease is often called the suicide disease, apparently up to 26% try to take their lives. In a state of panic during one of the nerve attacks I began swallowing any pill near to me. I went to the hospital to have my stomach pumped when I was found comatose by my mother.
I want to be Chang’e and on the moon and away from a world I have had enough of.
Gossip spread around the workplace that I attempted suicide over an affair with a married man. There was too much guilt to return to the workplace. COVID did have an impact to the economy. I still remember my hometown having dirt and trees piled onto the exits and entrances to the city keep people in their places.
The work I did find felt beneath me. China has what is called the great firewall that keeps something in and out of the country’s networks. A VPN was necessary to access American TikTok as it was used as opposed to the Chinese version.
Feels humiliating the nature of the outcome for me—I gave up in many ways like so many Chinese youth. For work I would go to a local office building. Amongst a long hall would be a room for live stream performers. I would entertain with watchers while trying to obtain virtual gifts for actual money. I despised it—sometimes the conversation could be funny or interesting but it felt hollow.
I would paint flowers on my face and wear hanfu clothing while doing ASMR.
I had a mind of sparklers burning until it burnt and stung like wax—like I had the option to stop and cry and those tears stuck as wax and burnt or I soldiered on and grew accustomed to the pain. I was an elephant chained. The audience watched and interacted with me on the live. I was a chained elephant when it was found out about my previous attempt and when the rumors spread.
Too many thorns in life. Nails hitting at the wrong points like an equation for something terrible to eventually happen.
My favorite dish was Henan noodles. I often cooked it with my mom. It provides great memories of childhood. I hadn’t talked to my mother as much as before. She moved to a job in Taiyuan.
Sometimes I would go up to visit her. But it was harder as she worked more and more hours. Sometimes voids build even when going through extreme nerve pain. And with trigeminal neuralgia, the pain was so intense that I would freeze and scream in pain. It cannot always be hid. It made me an elephant tethered.
Life can be like a pressure like no other. Too much stress. Makes one feel irritable with a mouth like a sprinkler of napalm when someone is too close. Life feels like a lit fire cracker held—in the end it would tear my hand up. Things kept building while the other side of my face began to hurt too recently. This was rare and not so common. My eyesight was becoming blurry too and it seemed I might have multiple sclerosis as the pain was on both side, it was not common for my age, and the blurry eyesight. An appointment was scheduled and I felt terrified to know what was going on and wondered if it was best to not even know my health.
I walked out of the studio and had a cigarette. My boss came out and joined to talk. He was concerned about view count and wanted me to do things to increase it that made me feel uncomfortable. He made a few comments I found incentive.
The boss sure liked to criticize and apply pressure. He was not impressed with my work and thought I could do something different. In China an application is used called WeChat. This application has many uses. People can display and share moments like a Facebook wall, message each other, send money, video chat, and even has a feature to find people near to you who are also looking for people near to them. I was to attract people onto dates. The idea was they would be lured in and the men would go to a set destination to a planned tea house that served snacks. When the men arrived (they had no knowledge of the setup) the bill would be at an absurd rate and if the men refused to pay larger men would use their size to force them to pay up.
I was not sure at the time yet if I wanted the job. Being worried about ethics and safety. It was something I would have to think about.
My medical expenses were growing and I knew the nerve disease could be expensive to treat with surgery. All I had was thoughts while looking at the moon.
Part 4 Taishen
My former roommate in the ward I shared a room with had paranoid schizophrenia. I was stuck in the same place due to mania, and just had gotten my diagnosis of bipolar disorder.
I was so pissed being stuck there and felt I had no business being there. I found my diagnosis to be an insult to me. I was only 18 at the time—taken in on a stretcher. Made me feel very vulnerable and irritated.
My roommate was having delusions related to Christianity and could not stop waking me up in the middle of the night to ask and talk about Jesus. Left me beyond frustrated.
He was drifting from his wife and would go on and on about intending to leave her. Felt he was spied and plotted against by her. So we were both frustrated with being there.
The toilets were special. They would flush what needed to be flushed but not certain things like pills—it helped to keep people from hiding they were not taking their medications.
He had tried to flush his wedding ring down the toilet but he did not realized it didn’t flush. I went to use the restroom later and saw the ring. I told him. He took it out. He found it to be a sign form God that he is to stay with his wife, and there was immense happiness in his eyes.

It felt frustrating in Chongqing. I was rather stuck in Hechuan. I got accustomed to lajiao (spice) there. I was a Midwesterner at the age of 22. I was raised in Illinois. I became a manic—a Ferris wheel on fire—I was hiding under a bed in a hotel. Bold like napalm. Sometimes I can never stop. Even when I was 18 in a ward arguing with staff. Always want to fight things. That’s why I refused the meds and went on a plane from America to China. I was going to be an English teacher. And like a light switch, the change and SSRIs turned me into a mess. It would be my first time experiencing psychosis. My biggest issue. I never imagined I would be stuck illegally in a country suffering a psychotic episode in my early twenties.
Transplanted as pollen. I was left with a backpack and a cellphone. With a downloaded app called WeChat. I had arrogantly quit a university job in a fit. Spent the past months full of energy and not sleeping and neglecting myself, including not eating, to work on a novel. Not considering myself normally religious, I had obsessed over occult ideas during that time. Spending nights reading Aleister Crowley—haven taken a rusty pocket knife to carve a pentagram on my chest for spiritual protection.
I did not have funds to fly home. My visa was connected to my previous job, which meant I had now made it void. I was an illegal resident now in China.
I used a nifty app called WeChat as a messaging app, it allows users to find people near them that are also looking for others. It was like a virtual pond. All kinds of people, including sex workers trying to make things happen.
It could with luck be used to find people looking for people in terms of other kinds of work. It was helpful on many occasions for finding gigs working at English training schools and also finding work as a private tutor for people.
WeChat also works as a digital wallet.
Mania makes me irritable. Enough to tell a boss to fuck off. Thoughts ricochet within me. Bumper cars collide.
Being stuck and angry sucks. I scrolled and scrolled on a Huawei phone.
Absolutely pissed off at this world.
Pissed at the times police wanted to take me away for being a mess.
Sometimes women get pissed. Scrolling through their phones. Angry at their cheating husbands. It really is not that hard to have flair—be a damn white oddity. Like moths to a porchlight. Particles of sand through hands. This is when I first started the habit of it…
I rather go by a rather empty name of Taishen… with further explanation needed but now is not convenient. But I assure it is interesting enough and has some importance.
Habits are various in nature in how they attach to and eat at marrow—like atom bombs flashing as rays evaporating DNA—sets in a way less than human as putting myself in the cage of bad things taken up—my time as a former heroin addict is left as stretch marks on me in various ways. The same goes for the first time I found myself making arrangements with middle aged married women while desperation of waves whiplashed me like sandpaper hands coming at me to leave me in a tiring state of abrasion.
I had spent a night snuck away into a hotel. Found someone on a business trip. Instead of registering I waited to sneak along into the hotel elevator amongst a group of others attending the hotel, as I had no card. I headed to a designated room number. Originally I was sitting in a park. Playing on WeChat and found someone in their mid-thirties. Pictures were exchanged and I said no. She brought up paying for the hotel if I arrived. I agreed and went along.
When I met I washed up after her and we used our phones to awkwardly translate what we would do.
Room service knocked. I found myself hidden under a bed as I was not registered to be there.
It seems unusual that it was around this time I had started working on a story of my life as a heroin addict when I got caught up in my worse manic episode ever experienced during my age of 22. Finished half that story before never going back to it after my manic episode had ended. Now I am here writing about it and wondering if the same can happen again in the process of this work.
It feels extremely cliché I would write a novel about struggles with heroin addiction. It has been done many times. It’s just lame of me.
I feel like my thoughts are bit off. I left the hotel the next morning with the little money I did have on a debit card. Turns out the woman was from Taiyuan. It is a city in the northern part of China in the province of Shanxi—coal country with the worst air pollution in China. She has a colleague in Taiyuan that takes courses at an English training center. I was able to contact this place in the morning via a shared contact on WeChat given to me by the stranger I met that night.
Before I knew it I was sending my information and documents in my backpack at an internet café in a fax—with the intent that the woman agreed to share my information to the training center as she shared my contact to its hiring manager. It would land me a job that day that would help me out of my situation. Things turned not quite out as I expected though. I was shifted like a ball to somebody else to contact for a training center geared to teaching children.
I took what I had and ran off to a train station after taking the public transit. Unfortunately I was shit for money and could not afford a high speed rail pass. The slow train would take thirty-two hours to get to my destination. I would have taken a room with a bed but all I could afford was a hard seat for the travel.
Things were getting better for me in the circumstance considering I had found someone willing to take me for work despite my visa situation.
The thirty-two hour train ride was horrendous in some ways, but mostly I was in excitement despite the circumstances. I’m always giddy when disappointed. I moved up and down the aisle of the train. I could not speak mandarin, but it did not stop me from trying to interact with everyone. I talked many ears off during the train ride. I went up and down the aisle trying to interact as a moth to porchlights—I could not stop even if I had wanted to. I found great enjoyment the times I did get to sit across a table from somebody my age heading to Taiyuan from Chongqing. They were a university student returning to their hometown. Another passenger who sat beside me was an elderly man with hard boiled eggs, he was eating one after another one. I highly enjoyed each and every conversation that I had. It was like my head was a lightbulb wanting June bugs to bang against it with the intensity of Roman candles shot at my mouth of nicotine tinged teeth.
“If you find someone in Shanxi it is practice to pay the family money before you can get married. You would also have to already own a home and a car,” told my new friend across in their seat from me—a university passenger friend named David.
“Not necessarily what I was looking for. When is the next stop for snacks?” When the train stops I am able to get out and to have a walk onto the platform to buy various goods from the vendors to take back with me to eat along the ride to Taiyuan.
I had all my important documents tucked in my bag. This included my health clearance and obviously I made no mention of my mental health diagnosis or history to the doctor who had to evaluate me. My diploma and TEFL certificate were tucked away securely. A TEFL is a certificate that stands for Teaching English as a Foreign Language, it qualifies me to teach English as a second language abroad—it had only took a few months of taking a course online that I had paid for to obtain.
It is easy to be happy when you can trick yourself as your own con artist. Mania can make you deceive yourself. One can be doused in napalm and still not fully recognize what is actually going on. Same goes the flicking of psychosis. Even when I have nothing I find myself in my radiating irritation the most qualified of things—the velocity of my rhythm sets me out of an orbit.
The pressure cooker keeps me moving like a propeller at times. I finally arrived at Taiyuan. I arrived at the station to be greeted by Ryan my manager and his assistant Jennifer. We had our hello and introduction and they helped me get to a taxi that would bring me to my new apartment. I finally had a residence again. Apparently they were desperate for a teacher. The last teacher was from New Mexico and apparently they pulled a midnight run—that is when a teacher in the middle of the night disappears onto a plane back home without any notification of it.
The apartment was okay. On the fourth floor with no elevator, so it was a bit of a climb up a dark stairwell not lit correctly.
My job was a training center that had a location near Yingze Park in the center of the city. I was to be paid in cash via envelopes. I would assist in teaching kindergarten all the way up to high school aged students there in private lessons paid by their parents. I would also be assigned by my company to various primary schools in the city. I would take public buses to various schools paid by the company I worked for to give English lessons as I bounced around to various classrooms and schools in the city. Often I would receive a phone call to avoid going to work that day if my boss got inside input that officials would be doing raids to check foreigners’ visas that day.
A taxi ride would always be a thrill. Caused me nerves at first, but I came to love the flying in dangerous ways along a busy road. I remember a driver beeping their horn away as they drove onto the sidewalk to pass people. They treated the pedestrians as if they were in the wrong. I came flying in front of a primary school at its front gates. I was going to start teaching a first grade classroom and a kindergarten classroom. The way schools are set up is with a wall around the entirety of the exterior of the school. There is a gate at the front where one or two security will be waiting to let people in and out of the complex of the school.
I walked in front of the gate to greet the security. It was my first time with an assignment at this school. The guard said they had never seen me before and wouldn’t let me in. Not a big nuisance while I called my boss who then called the school to sort out the situation.
I miss the classroom so much. I ended up teaching in China for five years at various training schools. After returning to Illinois, I still taught as a primary school teacher in a public school.
I often feel extremely ugly from inside to my outside, but something is attractive there. This does not come just in terms of flirting and relationships—mania makes me a genuine lightbulb that flickers in a way that encourages the insects to me—everyone looks like a June bug—this is what I have come to understand about life. But that ugly does kind of stay like rot in a cavity that leaves a bad taste in the mouth that smells foul—hoping nobody catches the smell near me—it must tie into my struggles with bulimia over the years.
The same goes for my years as a teacher—in relation to the whole lightbulb phenomenon—I’m positive it is tied to mania and hypomania. The younger students always were fixated on the information I was teaching to them. I kept over the years methods taught to me and self-taught that I found extremely effective with younger students when it comes to teaching.
Everything was physical in learning in terms of intensity and ambition. When teaching my first grade classroom I would create flashcards for the vocab we would work on and implement in creating new sentences with. We would chant these words together in a way that made me a clown while teaching. Students would yell out the word that I presented with intense enthusiasm. As I walked by students it was expected that while they yelled out the word they would also physically hit the card. Later I would also work on physical gestures and acting out of vocab words and they would follow the actions and phrases with me.
I would often eventually turn the class into two teams. When students got an answer right I would behave comically and full of energy—I would give them a high five and pretend they were so strong with it that it hurt my hand in the process with much exaggeration—the students always seemed to never get tired of this act.
One game I would play involved drawing two stick figures with happy faces on them. Each figure would represent one of the teams for the classroom. I would draw a hungry alligator under the figures. Their faces would also be comical in appearance and full of exaggerations. Each figure had a parachute placed over them and four strings attached. During the game the students would race to say the word correctly represented on the flashcard or the correct word for the gesture I was making. The team that was not the slowest would lose a string on the parachute. If a team lost all four strings they would fall to the alligator who would eat them. The students found it hilarious with my actions involved in it. I would also draw tears and a person praying to represent anticipation and worry of falling down each time they lost a string.
I had a tooth game too. I would draw too large faces for each team. The team that could answer the flashcards and gestures the quickest would have a tooth drawn in their mouth. The team with the most teeth would win and it would look rather funny as the mouth grew and grew with an abnormal and extreme amount of teeth.
I often did other physical and interactive games like having students run to the word I showed a card to or gestured—each word would be attached to a point in the classroom on a wall.
I know it sounds grandiose, but the parents always seemed to think I was great at my job.
The word vulnerable means so many things to me. That word is like the coal to form the generator that makes the guiding energy for the ethics I follow in my life—I hold very strongly to these values that have developed on how to live—I can express it more later but I greatly attach a kind of Christian value system to it, which makes sense considering I was raised in a Lutheran household and always went to church, Sunday school, and went to my courses and went through my confirmation—everyone is a bit of a mop—some pick up clean water and others dirty or a mix of it—waiting to find the people to drain them voluntarily or involuntarily. I was born vulnerable. I walk pigeon-toed and grew up tripping on my feet—I speak with a soft feminine voice. Bipolar disorder makes somebody vulnerable. There was much vulnerability in being eighteen and hospitalized involuntarily for my first manic episode—tied to a stretcher. I have almost a sense of us vs them—the vulnerable and those that harm the vulnerable—take advantage of the vulnerable—I feel this is a very much Christian in the idea of the unfortunate are more holy than the rest of the bunch—children are like that in terms of being born into a cruel existence—a cruel existence I felt at times in my life and so many do—making sure harm does not come to those in need gives the light of purpose to go bright inside like a Christmas tree in my brain—this light of happiness and warmth. I never expected I would fall in love for teaching due to the antidepressant effect provided. It would become my career for a decade. Some grow up wanting to be a teacher, I became one by accident, desperation, and being saved.
Sometimes I inflate on self-hate like a helium balloon that needs to be tied to a wrist. The vulnerability equation is imprinted on my brain.
In my early teens I started struggling with bulimia and image. I remember when my mother caught me in the act. I was not offered help but criticized. I was called a girl for my problems and threatened to be taken somewhere to be fixed of my confusion. I don’t identify as transgender. I identify as a man that struggles with bulimia and happens to have feminine qualities.
I attribute it to circumstances that happened to me—a justification for the pain at times—an attack on aspects of bisexuality.
After a long day of work I did what my young self often did. I went clubbing with friends. I feel like even if I hide aspects of myself such as being bisexual, people can spot it regardless. I’m extremely secretive about it and not comfortable displaying that vulnerable aspect of myself.
My friend from England went with me. He was about six years my senior. Big guy. Tall. The clubs name was Maoye.
I always enjoyed the free drinks available to foreigners—it was done to attract Chinese clients, as the idea was foreigners being there would attract people.
Amongst the hot and sweltering crowd a man grabbed ahold of me. I felt stuck. I was taken off guard. Pushed and cornered. While on me I managed to push him off. But it all serves as a reminder of the vulnerability of my life.
A nail was placed into my hand—a constant burn and reminder of that vulnerability.
Part 2
From self-hate I can also be so grandiose. I am like a Christmas tree that is lit up. Sparklers so pretty that you cannot let go of them, even if it burns your fingertips and hurts.
From heroin to sex, you can smother the pain. You drain the ocean to fill a void in these times. It ties to mania as well. That restlessness and irritability is extinguished by the paradox of throwing kerosene to everything burning. I’m so grandiose to hide my insecurities, I mistake my misfortune as a mark of something ugly virtuous—the neon of vulnerability pulsating like a star within me. Swelling on a pain.
Bad habits. I want you to judge me and tell me what’s wrong with me. Give me a verdict.
Stress a trigger for mania, and I was stressed from the incident I had experienced at the club. I bloated like a tick to distract from locusts of thoughts that could not shut up with their commotion.
I had been sleeping around more than before. My brain was Christmas tree lights. I accelerated on a generator—I made a mixed episode worse.
Tease a disaster when you are heightened like a blimp. Full of hydrogen. Hoping to burn up ad rain down like napalm.
When the pretty candles on the Christmas tree are left untouched—not looked at like a kettle on burner that has been forgotten—the dry neglected tree will into a house fire.
I’ve had four attempts in my life so far.
When I attempt I don’t cry for help. I feel too vulnerable. I’m afraid.
Hate police and wards.
Downing pills.
My past failed attempts made me aware of everything done wrong before. The sleeping pills alone might not do what I was looking for at that time. I bought an electrical cable. This way if it failed I would still be unconscious and choked out by the cord—fail safe plan to end my life.
The words coming out of my mouth slowed down. I started getting second thoughts. Stuck my face towards the toilet bowl while on my knees. Sticking my fingers down my throat. Leaving blood vessels bursting in my eyes.
Went stumbling outside and waved a taxi down and asked to be taken to the local hospital.
Never expected finding myself checked into a psych ward in a foreign country.
Nietzsche has a quote in reference to chaos in life and how it is needed to create a star—this reference holds so much value to me. Sometimes stars hit together just right to create fate out of the worst of things. The ward lead me to meet the woman made of paper. She would one day become my wife. I would have two daughters with her. Forge together as soldiers to face the obstacles in life. Someone who would save my life during a future attempt when I was found unconscious from an overdose. The smartest and toughest woman I have ever known. Someone to build trenches with.
I liked it when she stuck that needle in me for an IV. It must correlate to being a heroin addict. The pushing of something in my vein correlates to happiness and purity.
The woman made out of paper was my nurse in the ward I was stuck in. What attracted her to the mess that is me I will never understand fully.
The woman made out of paper is named Lilu. She was one year older than me and one of my nurses at that ward in Taiyuan. She was from Zhengzhou—a city in the province of Henan that is based in the center of China. I am sure as the reader it would be nice to know why I call her the woman made of paper.
She struggled with her own demons. She also deserves much praise for her resilience and brains. When she was born she was raised by a family that adopted her and often neglected and abused her growing up. Her biological family is distant from her, even though she has an identical twin—they felt too poor to take care of her and made the choice that they needed to be less of one child as she also has an older sister—her twin got to stay with that family but she was given up and adopted. I am sure this must bother her even if she never will talk about it to anyone in her life—as she is one to refuse ever discussing emotions and feelings, as this is not her personality type—she is very much a fighter. I think most would struggle with wondering why they were the one let go of—it also must hurt her knowing that the family would have a son and keep him.
Despite all these circumstances, she graduated top of her class of four thousand students—Chinese high schools can be quite large serving a large region—they often serve as boarding schools. She was a smart and hardworking student. Circumstances never made her stop trying to be the best and moving forward and she never made excuses for herself. In university she also did well and got accepted at the most studious and hard to obtain nursing position at the number one hospital in Shanxi.
I have already ranted and gone on about my affection and feelings tied to heroin. Drinking of entire oceans to fill voids.
Paper is a void. It asks for calligraphy to be written on it to make braille. This way when fingers run over skin, it tells worth—the reason for troubles—it forms connection through those words of declaration—the whining for why things are the way they are—the filling of a void like a heroin addict needing a cure—two papers come together to write upon one another—as a paper I am her typo—I stand as a falling mess with nerves like tripwire, I keep failing and losing my composer, while she stands stronger as a declaration that has been written on—when I was chased I listened to her and joined as one. I wish and intend to always serve the woman made out of paper who has saved my life and has always been there for me, being so strong despite circumstances—amongst the wind of turmoil in life I follow along her path.
It was love at first sight for her but not for me. I had no interest in dating her at the time. I worked across the street of that hospital in an office building for a training center as a part time job. I would teach adults English who paid for private lessons near to Yingze park in the center of Taiyuan. She signed up for classes for me to teach her and brought me food on almost every other day that she had prepared. Eventually we found ourselves coupled fully.
In a pit. I get to burn as paper amongst another’s paper. Eternally. With a life that will keep reoccurring.
Part 3 Liu
A woman like Chang’e lived on a moon. Far away.
You can refer to me as Liu.
At the age of 19 I was diagnosed with a severe nerve pain condition. It is called trigeminal neuralgia but you can call it TN for ease.
I was frustrated. I had completed a degree in international finances from Chongqing University of Business and Technology. The boom of the economy was not the same. There was an urge to “lay flat”—to not try as a form of opposition to everything going on in a waning economy in China.
All are elephants chained for an audience. People love to peek and stare as though they are glass doors without hinges—to be made feel useless.
I developed TN at the age of 19, and was now 22. It came as an arrow, and quite literally to the face. It’s a rare nerve pain disorder often considered one of the most painful conditions known.
The illness involves intense nerve pain throughout the left side of my face. It felt like someone was trying to pull all of the teeth on the left side of my face without anesthesia. The pain can leave me falling to the floor unable to speak or move while screaming profanities while choked by pain. A feeling of a knife to my face over and over again. It leaves me in absolute shock. Like Roman candles to the face. An absolute hindrance. The anticipation of not knowing when it will happen again is a nightmare at times.
The disease is often called the suicide disease, apparently up to 26% try to take their lives. In a state of panic during one of the nerve attacks I began swallowing any pill near to me. I went to the hospital to have my stomach pumped when I was found comatose by my mother.
I want to be Chang’e and on the moon and away from a world I have had enough of.
Gossip spread around the workplace that I attempted suicide over an affair with a married man. There was too much guilt to return to the workplace. COVID did have an impact to the economy. I still remember my hometown having dirt and trees piled onto the exits and entrances to the city keep people in their places.
The work I did find felt beneath me. China has what is called the great firewall that keeps something in and out of the country’s networks. A VPN was necessary to access American TikTok as it was used as opposed to the Chinese version.
Feels humiliating the nature of the outcome for me—I gave up in many ways like so many Chinese youth. For work I would go to a local office building. Amongst a long hall would be a room for live stream performers. I would entertain with watchers while trying to obtain virtual gifts for actual money. I despised it—sometimes the conversation could be funny or interesting but it felt hollow.
I would paint flowers on my face and wear hanfu clothing while doing ASMR.
I had a mind of sparklers burning until it burnt and stung like wax—like I had the option to stop and cry and those tears stuck as wax and burnt or I soldiered on and grew accustomed to the pain. I was an elephant chained. The audience watched and interacted with me on the live. I was a chained elephant when it was found out about my previous attempt and when the rumors spread.
Too many thorns in life. Nails hitting at the wrong points like an equation for something terrible to eventually happen.
My favorite dish was Henan noodles. I often cooked it with my mom. It provides great memories of childhood. I hadn’t talked to my mother as much as before. She moved to a job in Taiyuan.
Sometimes I would go up to visit her. But it was harder as she worked more and more hours. Sometimes voids build even when going through extreme nerve pain. And with trigeminal neuralgia, the pain was so intense that I would freeze and scream in pain. It cannot always be hid. It made me an elephant tethered.
Life can be like a pressure like no other. Too much stress. Makes one feel irritable with a mouth like a sprinkler of napalm when someone is too close. Life feels like a lit fire cracker held—in the end it would tear my hand up. Things kept building while the other side of my face began to hurt too recently. This was rare and not so common. My eyesight was becoming blurry too and it seemed I might have multiple sclerosis as the pain was on both side, it was not common for my age, and the blurry eyesight. An appointment was scheduled and I felt terrified to know what was going on and wondered if it was best to not even know my health.
I walked out of the studio and had a cigarette. My boss came out and joined to talk. He was concerned about view count and wanted me to do things to increase it that made me feel uncomfortable. He made a few comments I found incentive.
The boss sure liked to criticize and apply pressure. He was not impressed with my work and thought I could do something different. In China an application is used called WeChat. This application has many uses. People can display and share moments like a Facebook wall, message each other, send money, video chat, and even has a feature to find people near to you who are also looking for people near to them. I was to attract people onto dates. The idea was they would be lured in and the men would go to a set destination to a planned tea house that served snacks. When the men arrived (they had no knowledge of the setup) the bill would be at an absurd rate and if the men refused to pay larger men would use their size to force them to pay up.
I was not sure at the time yet if I wanted the job. Being worried about ethics and safety. It was something I would have to think about.
My medical expenses were growing and I knew the nerve disease could be expensive to treat with surgery. All I had was thoughts while looking at the moon.
Part 4 Taishen
My former roommate in the ward I shared a room with had paranoid schizophrenia. I was stuck in the same place due to mania, and just had gotten my diagnosis of bipolar disorder.
I was so pissed being stuck there and felt I had no business being there. I found my diagnosis to be an insult to me. I was only 18 at the time—taken in on a stretcher. Made me feel very vulnerable and irritated.
My roommate was having delusions related to Christianity and could not stop waking me up in the middle of the night to ask and talk about Jesus. Left me beyond frustrated.
He was drifting from his wife and would go on and on about intending to leave her. Felt he was spied and plotted against by her. So we were both frustrated with being there.
The toilets were special. They would flush what needed to be flushed but not certain things like pills—it helped to keep people from hiding they were not taking their medications.
He had tried to flush his wedding ring down the toilet but he did not realized it didn’t flush. I went to use the restroom later and saw the ring. I told him. He took it out. He found it to be a sign form God that he is to stay with his wife, and there was immense happiness in his eyes.

Dearest gentle player,
It is with much delight that this Game Master welcomes you into the dazzling and glamourous ton of the Adamant Empire.
In this world of socialities, schemers and sycophants, you will be assuming the role of debutantes, bright and accomplished Gems, who are either just now being introduced to society or who are returning to it after being away for a very long time, with the intent of securing respectable matches for themselves.
Armed only with your wits, wiles and charms, you must charm suitors and navigate the rigid society of the Empire while avoiding scandal and ruin. Gods forbid you end up being dragged through the mud in the mysterious Lady Quartz's society papers!
What will you strive for, gentle player? Will you search for that perfect one, throwing caution to the wind in the pursuit of true love? Will you prove to be the most sparkling of Gems, earning yourself the favour of her Grace, the Queen Consort Ciyradyl, and the title of the Diamond of the season? Will you aim to rise as high through the ranks as possible? After all, why be content with being a Mrs. when you can be a Duchess? Or will you strive to forge a different path for yourself, forsaking what your family and society has set out for you? Something in between?
Whatever your goal is, be weary, dear player. For in this world, secrets are a dangerous currency and scandals can destroy entire families. Be an example of fine society or embrace infamy, tis your choice. Just know that the ton is always watching, judging in hushed whispers and giggles.
So, follow my lead and dance through candlelit ballrooms as we create together a tale of thrilling character drama, love, passion, ambition and bitter rivalries, all that which makes a heart flutter with enthusiasm and dread.
And if our darling debutantes unwittingly end up entwined in a conflict much grander than they could have ever anticipated? Well... is it truly a D&D game without some heightened stakes?
Campaign Pitch
Thank you for reading through my ramblings. I will be running a bit of a niche idea for a campaign. Those who have seen the Netflix Series Bridgerton or have consumed any media inspired/related to Jane Austen probably have a fairly good idea of the kind of story I am going for.
Essentially, this game will focus a lot more on your characters, their goals, desires and tribulations while they wade through the social season. There will be a main plotline as well as many other storylines linked to NPCs and factions that the players might interact with if they so wish, but ultimately I enjoy focusing on what my players find most enjoyable.
This will be a very roleplay heavy game. Combat will occur on occassion. This is D&D still after all so I am essentially contractually obligated to allow you to bonk at least a few times, but combat will only happen when the story demands it-and the story likely won't demand it that often. I suppose you can theoretically go out to the wilderness and do a dungeon crawl and I will play along with it, but if that is what you are seeking out of your D&D experience, this is sadly not the game for you.
Besides from roleplay, there might be some degree of urban exploration within the city of the Summit, the capital of the Empire and the setting of our campaign. There will potentially be some opportunities for sleuthing too if that is an avenue the players decide to explore more.
Instead, most of the game will be focused on exploring the lives of your characters and for those around them as well as that of your larger society. You can expect a lot of talking to each other and to NPCs so I encourage you to get deep into your character's mindset, to flesh them out as a person and to allow yourself to get vulnerable while playing them. Those are the moments my current table thrives on. We have quite literally cried as result of scenes. So never hesitate to speak up, try something new out and go deep into your character's soul.
As for me, I will strive to create an immersive, breathing world. I want my NPCs to feel like real people and for you to bond with them as such. I want your environment to react to and remember your actions, what makes you who you are. For this purpose, I will work with each of the players to intergrate their characters into the Adamant Empire and to best accomodate what you want to do in and out of character.
Speaking of the world, during character creation, we will work together to create the province you are from as well as your family and their place within society (status, any connections to guilds they might have, etc). So, you will be actively involved in creating at least a few small parts of it.
Once I have gathered up all players and received their backstories, there will be a two weeks gap between that and starting the game so I can get some more GM prep done with all the factors in mind. I want to try and begin either at the end of this month or at the start of the next one, but I won't push on this too hard.
Once we have started, I want to settle on a consistent schedule so schedule compatibility and consistence is quite important for me. I do not have a specific end date in mind for this game. I believe campaigns should last as long as it takes for them to have a satisfying conclusion. That being said, my games tend to be on the longer end so keep that in mind too.
If any of that sounds like your cup of tea, feel free to fill in the form down below! Hopefully we will get to create a great story together.
Lore
There is some lore within the Adamant Empire and the continent it is a part of, Kosmos, but nothing of massive importance that you would need to know right out of the bat. It has its own history and pantheon of Gods, etc, but honestly I am more than happy to work with the players to adjust the existent lore or to add entirely new one. Never hesitate to reach out to me.
The basics of the world are these though:
The Adamant Empire is thousands of years old. It is fairly similiar to the irl British Empire in many ways. It is extremely powerful and influential and it has supposedly independent colonies that in essence function as puppet goverments all over the continent. Few can match them in power.
That was until a hundred years ago.
King Edmund Diamant was determined to conquer one of the last remaining nations that could potentially rival the Adamant Empire, the elven isles of Yara Ambar. He miscalculated gravely, however, and that led to the Empire's first true loss. Taking advantage of the distraction, multiple colonies revolted and enough banded together to form the City States of Andora. With the assistance of their infernal supporters, the revolutionaries have gained some level of independence and are now almost certainly plotting to claim more and more of the Empire's lands for themselves.
The Empire's legions, coffers and reputation took a significant blow and they were forced to sign a treaty with the elven royalty.
Prince Orion was betrothed and later wed to an elven noble woman. This was a significant event because for centuries now, since the reign of Cedric the Conqueror, it had been strictly forbidden for non-humans to be part of the Adamantian nobility. The Oldblood families, the most ancient of bloodlines within the Empire, protested against the decision, but there was little to be done.
King Orion and his consort Queen Ciyradyl have reigned together for 70 years now. During their rule, peace and prosperity has largely been maintained and the people are content. More and more non-human families have also made their into the ton, a most scandalous occurence at first, but one that the ton has grown to accept with time, albeit some races more than others.
Alas, it is uncertain how long peace will last still. With the 99 year old King growing ill in body and mind, his wife and children have primarily taken over his duties. The City States of Andora stand proud to this day, a mark of shame upon the pride of any true Adamantian. Much conversation remains over what is to be done with them. Simultanously, there are many other forces who would benefit to see the Empire crumble on its knees.
Life in the Adamant Empire is about to change. Whether that change shall be for better or worse and what role you might play in it is yet to be revealed.
There is yet another element that needs to be discussed when it comes to the lore and that is the Gems/Steels separattion.
In essence, I and my players wished to replicate the sort of narratives one might encounter in the books of Jane Austen, where for example the Bennet family must marry all their daughters or they will end up with no inheritance (gasp!), but we still wished to be able to have PCs be male or to explore queer romances and narratives.
So, we settled on the following idea:
There is a secondary label by which individuals are put into one category or the other. People either bear the Mark of the Gem or the Mark of the Steel. This system of social distinction in essence replaces the era accurate existence of sexism.
Gems and Steels can be male or female, it does not matter. Similarly, Gems and Steels can be in relationships with men or women, that also does not matter. Creating offspring is still important within society, but magic can also accomplish that so gender or sexuality is not a factor.
What matters is that Gems are not allowed to inherit property and titles and are very limited in the careers that it is appropiate for them to have. They are expected to spend their time at home, tending to the needs of the household and the family. Steels have none of these restrictions.
Your characters are all Gems, meaning they need to marry -and marry well- in order to secure the best possible future for themselves.
Idea might be slightly altered in the future, but the skeleton of it should remain the same more or less.
As you might have figured out from this, while we will be trying to keep the spirit of the era and many of its customs, we won't be going for 100% historical accuracy (if you did not figure that out from the fact that magic exists). So, if that is what you are looking for, sorry but this table probably won't perfectly match your taste.
Table Rules
Given that we will be very focused on roleplay, character creation will have some according adjustments. you can find those down here:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1a7JdKnUQEfsoEOufrb8hACKmDBzIGaKEzXGKtT1sD7o/edit?usp=sharing
If you require some guidance in creating the narrative elements of your character, you can use this doc as a well as a sort of guideline:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1qAudZPqYzCS9lDZGp7E6ZtWQExmCvP3DQnUqFZ9u3Ww/edit?usp=sharing
Some more rulings to keep in mind:

• Social PvP is allowed, but combat must be discussed by the players and the GM beforehand.
• For inspiration, you can have up to 3 at a time.
• Drinking potions is a bonus action :)

And we might come up with more as we play.
Plot Hook
The Player Characters all have town lodgings in the same neighbourhood, Fairbrooke Square. Thus, they might know each other to some degree or they might not. That is up to the players.
Regardless, as you were all neighbours growing up, you would have grown up alongsides the at the time Viscountess Kristina Royce (Steel). The specific relationship and dynamics that you had with Kristina can be fleshed out later between you and I, but everyone knew her in some shape, way or form.
Ten years ago, Kristina's parents died, making her Countess of Stirling and shortly after she left to roam the sea as Royces tend to do. Whether you maintained contact with her afterwards is once again your decision to make.
Kristina has now returned to the Summit, shortly after breaking off her betrothal to Emil Pleasant (Gem), son of the Baron of Fairbrooke Square and another one of your neighbours. You can also decide what kind of dynamic you have with him too.
While your whole street is whispering about the impending social season and the latest hot gossip, you (the PCs) each receive an invitation to dinner from Kethryllia Royce, Doawger Countess of Stirling, grandmother of Kristina and former handmaiden to the Queen.
It is uncertain yet what she wishes to discuss with you about, but that private dinner will be the inciting incident of our game.
Player Requirements
If all this sounds good to you, then now it is time to see if you would be a good match for the table! The ideal player for us would match the criteria down down below.

• Is 18+.
• Has a decent internet connection.
• Has a laptop cause you need that for Foundry.
• Has a mic and camera and is comfortable with having the camera open for sessions (yes, this is obligatory. I understand why some might not like it, but I find roleplay flows much more smoothly when you can see the other's face so this is must. Sorry.)
• Is available every Sunday from 4 to 9 BST.
• Is LGBTQ+ friendly as I am not going to allow any kind of hate at my table.
• Loves roleplaying.

As you might have noticed, level of experience is not a concern here. Newbies and experienced players are welcome alike!
Player Application
If you match all the criteria above, wonderful! i can't wait to hear from you. Go ahead and fill the application in. It is a bit long, but I hope it will be as fun for you to fill in as it was for me to make.
I already have three amazing players and I am looking for two more to fill out the party. The form should remain open for around a week so take your time.
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSeXCoA6pUYSWk2WzsNq0Vb1N7xj3BSB8C3DEPVOmYfPAJ3KJg/viewform?usp=sf_link
Afterword
If you have read through all my ramblings, thank you very much! Remember to include the word "bonbon" in there so that I know you did.
This is a rather new experience for me if I am sincere. I have been GMing for a few years now, but this will be a very different sort of game to what I usually run and I am also rather new to Foundry too.
I cannot promise it will be a perfect experience, but I can promise that I will always strive to make it an enjoyable one. I am always open to critique and willing to adjust things for the entertainment and safety of the group.
I have bored you enough I would say. Farewell for now, gentle player. Let us not keep the ton waiting.

Dearest gentle player,
It is with much delight that this Game Master welcomes you into the dazzling and glamourous ton of the Adamant Empire.
In this world of socialities, schemers and sycophants, you will be assuming the role of debutantes, bright and accomplished Gems, who are either just now being introduced to society or who are returning to it after being away for a very long time, with the intent of securing respectable matches for themselves.
Armed only with your wits, wiles and charms, you must charm suitors and navigate the rigid society of the Empire while avoiding scandal and ruin. Gods forbid you end up being dragged through the mud in the mysterious Lady Quartz's society papers!
What will you strive for, gentle player? Will you search for that perfect one, throwing caution to the wind in the pursuit of true love? Will you prove to be the most sparkling of Gems, earning yourself the favour of her Grace, the Queen Consort Ciyradyl, and the title of the Diamond of the season? Will you aim to rise as high through the ranks as possible? After all, why be content with being a Mrs. when you can be a Duchess? Or will you strive to forge a different path for yourself, forsaking what your family and society has set out for you? Something in between?
Whatever your goal is, be weary, dear player. For in this world, secrets are a dangerous currency and scandals can destroy entire families. Be an example of fine society or embrace infamy, tis your choice. Just know that the ton is always watching, judging in hushed whispers and giggles.
So, follow my lead and dance through candlelit ballrooms as we create together a tale of thrilling character drama, love, passion, ambition and bitter rivalries, all that which makes a heart flutter with enthusiasm and dread.
And if our darling debutantes unwittingly end up entwined in a conflict much grander than they could have ever anticipated? Well... is it truly a D&D game without some heightened stakes?
Campaign Pitch
Thank you for reading through my ramblings. I will be running a bit of a niche idea for a campaign. Those who have seen the Netflix Series Bridgerton or have consumed any media inspired/related to Jane Austen probably have a fairly good idea of the kind of story I am going for.
Essentially, this game will focus a lot more on your characters, their goals, desires and tribulations while they wade through the social season. There will be a main plotline as well as many other storylines linked to NPCs and factions that the players might interact with if they so wish, but ultimately I enjoy focusing on what my players find most enjoyable.
This will be a very roleplay heavy game. Combat will occur on occassion. This is D&D still after all so I am essentially contractually obligated to allow you to bonk at least a few times, but combat will only happen when the story demands it-and the story likely won't demand it that often. I suppose you can theoretically go out to the wilderness and do a dungeon crawl and I will play along with it, but if that is what you are seeking out of your D&D experience, this is sadly not the game for you.
Besides from roleplay, there might be some degree of urban exploration within the city of the Summit, the capital of the Empire and the setting of our campaign. There will potentially be some opportunities for sleuthing too if that is an avenue the players decide to explore more.
Instead, most of the game will be focused on exploring the lives of your characters and for those around them as well as that of your larger society. You can expect a lot of talking to each other and to NPCs so I encourage you to get deep into your character's mindset, to flesh them out as a person and to allow yourself to get vulnerable while playing them. Those are the moments my current table thrives on. We have quite literally cried as result of scenes. So never hesitate to speak up, try something new out and go deep into your character's soul.
As for me, I will strive to create an immersive, breathing world. I want my NPCs to feel like real people and for you to bond with them as such. I want your environment to react to and remember your actions, what makes you who you are. For this purpose, I will work with each of the players to intergrate their characters into the Adamant Empire and to best accomodate what you want to do in and out of character.
Speaking of the world, during character creation, we will work together to create the province you are from as well as your family and their place within society (status, any connections to guilds they might have, etc). So, you will be actively involved in creating at least a few small parts of it.
Once I have gathered up all players and received their backstories, there will be a two weeks gap between that and starting the game so I can get some more GM prep done with all the factors in mind. I want to try and begin either at the end of this month or at the start of the next one, but I won't push on this too hard.
Once we have started, I want to settle on a consistent schedule so schedule compatibility and consistence is quite important for me. I do not have a specific end date in mind for this game. I believe campaigns should last as long as it takes for them to have a satisfying conclusion. That being said, my games tend to be on the longer end so keep that in mind too.
If any of that sounds like your cup of tea, feel free to fill in the form down below! Hopefully we will get to create a great story together.
Lore
There is some lore within the Adamant Empire and the continent it is a part of, Kosmos, but nothing of massive importance that you would need to know right out of the bat. It has its own history and pantheon of Gods, etc, but honestly I am more than happy to work with the players to adjust the existent lore or to add entirely new one. Never hesitate to reach out to me.
The basics of the world are these though:
The Adamant Empire is thousands of years old. It is fairly similiar to the irl British Empire in many ways. It is extremely powerful and influential and it has supposedly independent colonies that in essence function as puppet goverments all over the continent. Few can match them in power.
That was until a hundred years ago.
King Edmund Diamant was determined to conquer one of the last remaining nations that could potentially rival the Adamant Empire, the elven isles of Yara Ambar. He miscalculated gravely, however, and that led to the Empire's first true loss. Taking advantage of the distraction, multiple colonies revolted and enough banded together to form the City States of Andora. With the assistance of their infernal supporters, the revolutionaries have gained some level of independence and are now almost certainly plotting to claim more and more of the Empire's lands for themselves.
The Empire's legions, coffers and reputation took a significant blow and they were forced to sign a treaty with the elven royalty.
Prince Orion was betrothed and later wed to an elven noble woman. This was a significant event because for centuries now, since the reign of Cedric the Conqueror, it had been strictly forbidden for non-humans to be part of the Adamantian nobility. The Oldblood families, the most ancient of bloodlines within the Empire, protested against the decision, but there was little to be done.
King Orion and his consort Queen Ciyradyl have reigned together for 70 years now. During their rule, peace and prosperity has largely been maintained and the people are content. More and more non-human families have also made their into the ton, a most scandalous occurence at first, but one that the ton has grown to accept with time, albeit some races more than others.
Alas, it is uncertain how long peace will last still. With the 99 year old King growing ill in body and mind, his wife and children have primarily taken over his duties. The City States of Andora stand proud to this day, a mark of shame upon the pride of any true Adamantian. Much conversation remains over what is to be done with them. Simultanously, there are many other forces who would benefit to see the Empire crumble on its knees.
Life in the Adamant Empire is about to change. Whether that change shall be for better or worse and what role you might play in it is yet to be revealed.
There is yet another element that needs to be discussed when it comes to the lore and that is the Gems/Steels separattion.
In essence, I and my players wished to replicate the sort of narratives one might encounter in the books of Jane Austen, where for example the Bennet family must marry all their daughters or they will end up with no inheritance (gasp!), but we still wished to be able to have PCs be male or to explore queer romances and narratives.
So, we settled on the following idea:
There is a secondary label by which individuals are put into one category or the other. People either bear the Mark of the Gem or the Mark of the Steel. This system of social distinction in essence replaces the era accurate existence of sexism.
Gems and Steels can be male or female, it does not matter. Similarly, Gems and Steels can be in relationships with men or women, that also does not matter. Creating offspring is still important within society, but magic can also accomplish that so gender or sexuality is not a factor.
What matters is that Gems are not allowed to inherit property and titles and are very limited in the careers that it is appropiate for them to have. They are expected to spend their time at home, tending to the needs of the household and the family. Steels have none of these restrictions.
Your characters are all Gems, meaning they need to marry -and marry well- in order to secure the best possible future for themselves.
Idea might be slightly altered in the future, but the skeleton of it should remain the same more or less.
As you might have figured out from this, while we will be trying to keep the spirit of the era and many of its customs, we won't be going for 100% historical accuracy (if you did not figure that out from the fact that magic exists). So, if that is what you are looking for, sorry but this table probably won't perfectly match your taste.
Table Rules
Given that we will be very focused on roleplay, character creation will have some according adjustments. you can find those down here:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1a7JdKnUQEfsoEOufrb8hACKmDBzIGaKEzXGKtT1sD7o/edit?usp=sharing
If you require some guidance in creating the narrative elements of your character, you can use this doc as a well as a sort of guideline:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1qAudZPqYzCS9lDZGp7E6ZtWQExmCvP3DQnUqFZ9u3Ww/edit?usp=sharing
Some more rulings to keep in mind:

• Social PvP is allowed, but combat must be discussed by the players and the GM beforehand.
• For inspiration, you can have up to 3 at a time.
• Drinking potions is a bonus action :)

And we might come up with more as we play.
Plot Hook
The Player Characters all have town lodgings in the same neighbourhood, Fairbrooke Square. Thus, they might know each other to some degree or they might not. That is up to the players.
Regardless, as you were all neighbours growing up, you would have grown up alongsides the at the time Viscountess Kristina Royce (Steel). The specific relationship and dynamics that you had with Kristina can be fleshed out later between you and I, but everyone knew her in some shape, way or form.
Ten years ago, Kristina's parents died, making her Countess of Stirling and shortly after she left to roam the sea as Royces tend to do. Whether you maintained contact with her afterwards is once again your decision to make.
Kristina has now returned to the Summit, shortly after breaking off her betrothal to Emil Pleasant (Gem), son of the Baron of Fairbrooke Square and another one of your neighbours. You can also decide what kind of dynamic you have with him too.
While your whole street is whispering about the impending social season and the latest hot gossip, you (the PCs) each receive an invitation to dinner from Kethryllia Royce, Doawger Countess of Stirling, grandmother of Kristina and former handmaiden to the Queen.
It is uncertain yet what she wishes to discuss with you about, but that private dinner will be the inciting incident of our game.
Player Requirements
If all this sounds good to you, then now it is time to see if you would be a good match for the table! The ideal player for us would match the criteria down down below.

• Is 18+.
• Has a decent internet connection.
• Has a laptop cause you need that for Foundry.
• Has a mic and camera and is comfortable with having the camera open for sessions (yes, this is obligatory. I understand why some might not like it, but I find roleplay flows much more smoothly when you can see the other's face so this is must. Sorry.)
• Is available every Sunday from 4 to 9 BST.
• Is LGBTQ+ friendly as I am not going to allow any kind of hate at my table.
• Loves roleplaying.

As you might have noticed, level of experience is not a concern here. Newbies and experienced players are welcome alike!
Player Application
If you match all the criteria above, wonderful! i can't wait to hear from you. Go ahead and fill the application in. It is a bit long, but I hope it will be as fun for you to fill in as it was for me to make.
I already have three amazing players and I am looking for two more to fill out the party. The form should remain open for around a week so take your time.
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSeXCoA6pUYSWk2WzsNq0Vb1N7xj3BSB8C3DEPVOmYfPAJ3KJg/viewform?usp=sf_link
Afterword
If you have read through all my ramblings, thank you very much! Remember to include the word "bonbon" in there so that I know you did.
This is a rather new experience for me if I am sincere. I have been GMing for a few years now, but this will be a very different sort of game to what I usually run and I am also rather new to Foundry too.
I cannot promise it will be a perfect experience, but I can promise that I will always strive to make it an enjoyable one. I am always open to critique and willing to adjust things for the entertainment and safety of the group.
I have bored you enough I would say. Farewell for now, gentle player. Let us not keep the ton waiting.

The best NYC dating apps allow singles to cut through the noise and find someone with real romantic potential.
More than 8.6 million people live in New York City, making it one of the largest cities in the world. People in small towns may think of NYC as a dating paradise — but locals know it’s not that simple. Singles in the Big Apple face a number of obstacles to getting a date. First, there’s the fact that everyone’s busier than ever. Dating is just another task single New Yorkers don’t want to add to their to-do list. Then you’ve got the fact that single women outnumber single men two to one in this competitive, cultured city. Those numbers don’t add up!
Dating apps are an obvious solution, but not all are created equal. Some dating apps serve single New Yorkers better than others. In particular, the 15 dating apps below have really made a name for themselves in this market. And you won’t have to shell out a bunch of cash to use them.

1. Zoosk

Zoosk is like the Empire State Building of dating apps. It’s historical, at least in the eyes of the internet (founded in 2007), it’s popular (30 million downloads on iTunes and Google Play), and it’s ginormous (40 million users). Plus, a significant number of its users live in large cities like NYC. You can sign up through Facebook for free, and you’ll start matching with prospective dates in minutes. Zoosk is offers a number of free features (including some messaging), so you can save your money for the actual date.

1. Match

Match is like the Statue of Liberty when it comes to dating apps. It has stood as a pillar in the dating industry and welcomed the masses yearning to breathe free. Since it launched in 1995, Match has arranged countless first dates, inspired deep relationships, and distinguished itself as one of the best of the best. From the advanced matchmaking algorithm to the trendy features, Match lights the way for other dating apps to follow suit. The Statue of Liberty gets more than 4 million visitors a year, but it’s no match for Match — which gets more than 13.5 million visitors a month.

1. EliteSingles

In terms of dating apps, Elite Singles is like the Metropolitan Museum of Art. It’s great for curious, adventurous, and mature people who are true romantics at heart. According to its internal statistics, over 80% of Elite Singles members hold at least a bachelor’s degree, over 90% are at least 30 years old, and pretty much all of them are interested in a serious relationship. On average, the Elite Singles app is responsible for 2,500 love stories a month.

1. BeNaughty

We think of BeNaughty as the dating app version of Times Square. It’s teeming with all types of people from all over the world with all kinds of interests. You don’t need to be ashamed of being flashy and giving in to your desires — you’re around thousands of singles who feel the same way. BeNaughty takes things up a notch in the safety department as well. The hookup site uses SSL encryption to protect your information and prevent scammers from bothering users. A dedicated team verifies every person who joins, and you must have an approved profile picture to send messages.
5 Tinder
Tinder is a dating app that could be considered the Grand Central Terminal in the online dating world. It quickly gets people from one place to the next — Grand Central transports 700,000+ commuters a day, and Tinder sees over 2 billion swipes a day and 1.5 million dates a week. Not to mention Tinder has facilitated over 75 billion matches since 2012 and is available in 196 countries. The popular app’s massive reach is perfect for the busy New Yorker on the go. And, unlike when you’re on the subway, everyone on Tinder is interested in meeting someone new and having some fun.
6 OkCupid
Sticking with the theme of this article, OkCupid could only be the Theater District of dating apps. It’s welcoming, entertaining, bold, quirky, colorful — and surprisingly smart in its approach to romance. The OkCupid team has calculated a formula for love by using a list of nearly endless personal questions, including “Do you like beer?” and “Are you more interested in love or sex?” This personality test drives the compatibility ratings across the online dating site and app. OkCupid also provides more inclusive selections for gender, sexual orientation, and relationship status than any other dating app — including non-binary, pansexual, and open relationship.
7 Plenty of Fish
When we think of Plenty of Fish, we think of the Brooklyn Museum — both are perfect avenues for having conversations. In fact, POF says its users have more conversations than those on any other dating app. More than 1 billion messages are exchanged every month, and the app won’t ever charge you to communicate. Traffic is never a problem on Plenty of Fish either as more than 65,000 new singles join the app every day. Plenty of Fish is a great place to stop by, have a chat, and save some money while you’re at it, and you can rest assured you won’t be the only one trying to pick up a date there.
8 Coffee Meets Bagel
Chelsea Market and Coffee Meets Bagel are both all about quality — quality products and quality people and connections, respectively. Here, matches are called bagels, and you’re given a limited number every day. For men, it can be up to 21. For women, it’s the number of men who have already “liked” your profile recently. This quality-over-quantity approach was created by three sisters (who were single themselves at the time) in an attempt to save singles time and provide a more women-friendly dating app.
9 Bumble
Coney Island is for diving head first into adventure, and Bumble is for diving head first into dating, especially for straight women. After a mutual match is made (two people swipe right on each other), the women have to initiate the messaging within 24 hours, or the match disappears forever. If you’re gay, lesbian, or bisexual, either person can make the first move. Don’t worry, though. Once a day, the online dating app lets you extend one connection beyond the 24-hour mark. Free via the App Store and Google Play, Bumble is “changing the rules of the game” by empowering single women to take control of their matches. The dating app has been downloaded over 100 million times, and it’s become known worldwide as a feminist force for good in the dating world.
10 Hinge
As Timeout says, the Chrysler Building oozes “a moneyed sophistication oft identified with old New York,” reminding us of a simpler time. Hinge reminds us of a time when dating wasn’t all about swiping and hooking up. The self-proclaimed anti-Tinder, Hinge is “inspired by love, guided by authenticity” and caters to those seeking long-term, monogamous commitments. One of the coolest features is that you can comment on people’s pictures and prompts as a way of breaking the ice, and you don’t have to pay anything to chat and match on the app. Hinge appeals to singles who are serious about settling down and want to have more interesting and engaging conversations right from the start.
11 Happn
At the Brooklyn Flea Market, you never know what special something you’re going to find, and on Happn, you never know what special someone you’re going to find. By mixing online dating with offline dating, Happn connects you with people who you’ve crossed paths with in real life. For example, if you and another member happened to be at the same café one day, the app will let you know. The mobile dating app will use your smartphone’s location data to let you know how many times you’ve crossed paths with this person. The rest is up to you!
12 Grindr
Smorgasburg is like a food-only flea market, with 100+ vendors and all you can eat. Grindr is only for gay, bisexual, and curious men, and it’s all you can date. Known as the Tinder for gay singles, Grindr uses geolocation to recommend matches who are nearby, whether you’re at home, a restaurant, bar, festival, or anywhere else. Swipe right if you’re into them and left if you’re not. Grindr is a progressive, effective, and hookup-friendly app with free matching and chatting, but you can always pay to upgrade to Grindr Xtra and get more likes, ad-free browsing, and a passport for swiping outside your city or region.
13 HER
HER is like the New York Botanical Garden of dating apps. While the 50-acre forest has thousands of beautiful flowers and other plant life to learn about, the Android and iOS app has thousands of beautiful people (both inside and out) to get to know. Created by LGBTQ+ people for LGBTQ+ people, HER is for finding friendship, community, dates, and relationships as well as LGBTQ+ news, events, polls, jokes, and almost anything else you can think of. Over 4 million womxn have joined the HER community so far, and it’s still growing!

1. BlackPeopleMeet

When you go to the New York Library, you usually know what you want when you go there. Maybe it’s a specific book, or maybe it’s a program or event. When you sign up for BlackPeopleMeet, the dating app for single Black professionals, you know what you want. Members tend to be people of color — or at least interested in diversifying their date list. BPM members are commitment-minded and desire a potential partner who has similar values, perspectives, and interests. The BPM team, which is owned by Match Group, ensures that Black singles can go online and feel attractive and comfortable in a niche dating pool of like-minded single people.

1. Ashley Madison

Ashley Madison is a naughty dating app that New Yorkers may want to try if they’re into polyamory, open relationships, and non-monagamous affairs. The so-called married dating app sees a good mix of single and not-so-single individuals who want to mix and mingle without judgment or expectations. The members here are not necessarily looking for something serious. They just want to chat, flirt, and see where it goes. Ashley Madison protects user privacy and has features for blurring photos, disguising app icons, and keeping things anonymous while browsing for dates online.
Dating in the Big Apple Has Never Been Easier or More Fun!
New Yorkers are a one-of-a-kind group, and they deserve a one-of-a-kind dating app. The best dating platforms cater to your lifestyle and needs, so finding a date is no longer a hassle. Thanks to the 15 options we just told you about, dating will no longer be something you have to do (like working out, going to work, and shopping for groceries). Instead it’ll be something you want to do!

Pitbull 3 year old female.
Has been very challenging to get to this good place we are at in walking.
When she was younger, we could not walk by people in their yards without her barking, she was terrified of lawn equipment so if people were doing yard work, they got barked and lunged at. She didn't like cars and anyone getting out of one probably felt like they were going to be mauled. Bicycles or roller skates, JUST NO....little kids playing in the yards...JUST NO...all she did was bark and lunge.
She does NONE of this anymore, we walk by peacefully, with the exception of crossing paths with other dogs....and I don't know if that is even possible to train her out of, although I won't stop trying.
So this morning we are walking along & I have become so PROUD and laxed holding the leash, I hold it, but in the past I needed 2 hands as she would pull me down the street, now she walks like a normal dog.
WELL this morning - she COMPLETELY took me off guard when we went by a house we go by every single day! And every single day their dog is out in the yard (behind a fence) and she might bark once or twice, but I was ok with that.
WELL...this morning - same house....she YANKED away from me so HARD that I HAD to let go of the leash & she charged that FENCE like the DEVIL.
I was SO embarrassed, the people were home (and these are also people that have a sign on their lawn "No dogs, cameras watching") She looked like a vicious rabid dog barking at this fence.
I was in such shock it took me a minute to realize what was happening & to enter the yard to retrieve this perceived monster of mine..lol & to be honest, I wasn't worried about the dog behind the fence or anybody coming out after me.
I was more worried that the "leash" has NEVER been out of my hand and I couldn't believe I let that happen, when I know there is a dog there she barks at.
Sorry to say..some won't like this...but I am disabled and the walk I take her on is very taxing on me...I can NOT go a different route...it's 2 blocks in my neighborhood and then we sit on the lawn.
I can hardly wait to pass there tomorrow - totally joking.
I was shook.
The lesson I took from this was to NEVER relax my grip & to always be aware of being in control.
What else?

I never intended permanent silence or inflict further pain, want nothing more than to say my peace and hear how you’ve been. If it’s anything like me probably not great, but you never exactly wore your emotions on your sleeve when things were cop-esthetic. Take off my chains if you want me to speak, do you honestly still believe I want to cause you any harm? Just pahleaase give me a clear sign that your heart is mine to keep and I won’t end up in the slammer for weeks.
I’m getting to the point where I don’t care if it does. I’m so tired of this never ending torture inflicted equally by what was once us. I will always love and care for you, perhaps like no one else does. But this is psychological torture and it is driving me 🥜

I recently started work at the bjc tower project off of kingshighway. Every morning i take vandeventer to s tower Grove. There is a man at a stop sign every morning with a huge smile on his face. He waves and throws the peace sign to the commuters. tries to get people to honk and wave back. Guy makes my morning everytime. Just thought I'd share something positive. Somebody has to know the guys story.

TW: abusive family, many types of abuse
My family is very abusive and crazy. I hate them so much. I'm trans guy and 19. They often make me have suicidal thoughts
I was alone with mom at home yesterday and she was talking all the time about same things. She was mad because I stopped wearing something which was uncomfortable for me and made me wear that again. She said she thought I was normal again because she found best psychologist who told her I’m okay. I don’t know if I should go to that psychologist and say how awful my parents and sister are. Maybe she can help me and not tell her what I say. If she believes me then she’ll realize my family is abusive.
She asked if I’m going to wait until I’m independent and be boy again. She said I did awful thing by calling police. Psychologist told her I did that because I'm empath and I thought I was abused after being in group of abused people. I called lawyer because my parents SA-ed me and them and sister gaslighted. I ran away with police car in November past year because mom threatened to arrest imaginary queer people, control my phone and take me to psychologist because I changed Facebook name. My family blamed trans men I knew on Facebook. 2 of them gave me lawyer’s number. They lie about what happened and keep bringing up they day. She is acting like victim again and pretending she cares about me while doing all these. After that she asked me what I wanted to make me happy
Sister got home and started explaining how I need to stop feeling bad for myself and thinking I have bad family when they’re so good, that everyone has problems and only you can help yourself. She said family will always be by my side.
All these because mom asked if I wanted to remove leg hair with laser and I said no. After that sister said that I’m pretending to be more feminist than her and I’d look creepy. I said I would shave instead and they said that would be every 3 days. I know that boys shave today too. I said that because I don’t want them to control me. They're very controlling. My sister revealed cyberstalking me after I called police and she used things she saw against me including vents.
Sister said I’m not 14-15 year old emo kid on sea vacation with parents listening to sad music looking through window wtf I’m not acting like that, never did and it’s not similar thing. They still tell me to not listen to it. I don’t feel good with them because they’re abusive. They're blaming everything except themselves.
She also said I’m water sign and it has something to do with this, that people think I’m beautiful since childhood and I shouldn’t want to make myself ugly. I’m not making myself ugly or anything bad. I just want to be myself and they’re acting crazy. She said I shouldn't be surprised when friends at university think I'm weird. They don't. I've good friends. She said before not to be surprised people make fun of me when I'm 19 year old girl acting stupid. Dad got home too and they were making some jokes about me being married to boy who was my classmate
Only thing that keeps me going is that I can be independent in some years if I study enough

So I (33f) was raised in open adoption, I have always known my birth mom. And she has told me stories of my biological father. He wasn't a monster but also was probably not the safest guy to have around and they only dated a year or so. I came to terms with what I did and didn't know years ago... Probably closer to two decades ago. Stories of him were rare and usually humorous but not something that really touched me emotionally. I was at peace, and I consider myself to be well-adjusted in general, possibly exceptionally so for an adoptee, thanks to the involvement and careful attention of all three of my parents. But ...
Yesterday, I found out that the man my mom thought was my father is not. I have a DNA profile and I matched with my biological father. At first, I was justifying all over the place, could be twins, could be a fake name, could be, could be... And then my mind went to darker places about my conception. But I spoke with my mom and apparently it was none of those things, in her words they were all close friends and were "joined at the hip that summer" (apparently literally...). Which is good. And he sounds like he could have been a better man than the one I heard stories about. Which is good too. And he wants to talk. Which is also good.
Except now my past feels unsettled. The wrong names were on my birth certificate, the wrong man signed away parental rights. I've never felt abandoned, but now the figure who would have come closest to being guilty of abandoning me is actually no one to me, and my biological father didn't know I was his... I don't know how to feel, or what I'm feeling, just that it's a lot... I messaged him back, I want to talk too. But I think I'm still in a bit of shock.

Dearest gentle player,
It is with much delight that this Game Master welcomes you into the dazzling and glamourous ton of the Adamant Empire.
In this world of socialities, schemers and sycophants, you will be assuming the role of debutantes, bright and accomplished Gems, who are either just now being introduced to society or who are returning to it after being away for a very long time, with the intent of securing respectable matches for themselves.
Armed only with your wits, wiles and charms, you must charm suitors and navigate the rigid society of the Empire while avoiding scandal and ruin. Gods forbid you end up being dragged through the mud in the mysterious Lady Quartz's society papers!
What will you strive for, gentle player? Will you search for that perfect one, throwing caution to the wind in the pursuit of true love? Will you prove to be the most sparkling of Gems, earning yourself the favour of her Grace, the Queen Consort Ciyradyl, and the title of the Diamond of the season? Will you aim to rise as high through the ranks as possible? After all, why be content with being a Mrs. when you can be a Duchess? Or will you strive to forge a different path for yourself, forsaking what your family and society has set out for you? Something in between?
Whatever your goal is, be weary, dear player. For in this world, secrets are a dangerous currency and scandals can destroy entire families. Be an example of fine society or embrace infamy, tis your choice. Just know that the ton is always watching, judging in hushed whispers and giggles.
So, follow my lead and dance through candlelit ballrooms as we create together a tale of thrilling character drama, love, passion, ambition and bitter rivalries, all that which makes a heart flutter with enthusiasm and dread.
And if our darling debutantes unwittingly end up entwined in a conflict much grander than they could have ever anticipated? Well... is it truly a D&D game without some heightened stakes?
Campaign Pitch
Thank you for reading through my ramblings. I will be running a bit of a niche idea for a campaign. Those who have seen the Netflix Series Bridgerton or have consumed any media inspired/related to Jane Austen probably have a fairly good idea of the kind of story I am going for.
Essentially, this game will focus a lot more on your characters, their goals, desires and tribulations while they wade through the social season. There will be a main plotline as well as many other storylines linked to NPCs and factions that the players might interact with if they so wish, but ultimately I enjoy focusing on what my players find most enjoyable.
This will be a very roleplay heavy game. Combat will occur on occassion. This is D&D still after all so I am essentially contractually obligated to allow you to bonk at least a few times, but combat will only happen when the story demands it-and the story likely won't demand it that often. I suppose you can theoretically go out to the wilderness and do a dungeon crawl and I will play along with it, but if that is what you are seeking out of your D&D experience, this is sadly not the game for you.
Besides from roleplay, there might be some degree of urban exploration within the city of the Summit, the capital of the Empire and the setting of our campaign. There will potentially be some opportunities for sleuthing too if that is an avenue the players decide to explore more.
Instead, most of the game will be focused on exploring the lives of your characters and for those around them as well as that of your larger society. You can expect a lot of talking to each other and to NPCs so I encourage you to get deep into your character's mindset, to flesh them out as a person and to allow yourself to get vulnerable while playing them. Those are the moments my current table thrives on. We have quite literally cried as result of scenes. So never hesitate to speak up, try something new out and go deep into your character's soul.
As for me, I will strive to create an immersive, breathing world. I want my NPCs to feel like real people and for you to bond with them as such. I want your environment to react to and remember your actions, what makes you who you are. For this purpose, I will work with each of the players to intergrate their characters into the Adamant Empire and to best accomodate what you want to do in and out of character.
Speaking of the world, during character creation, we will work together to create the province you are from as well as your family and their place within society (status, any connections to guilds they might have, etc). So, you will be actively involved in creating at least a few small parts of it.
Once I have gathered up all players and received their backstories, there will be a two weeks gap between that and starting the game so I can get some more GM prep done with all the factors in mind. I want to try and begin either at the end of this month or at the start of the next one, but I won't push on this too hard.
Once we have started, I want to settle on a consistent schedule so schedule compatibility and consistence is quite important for me. I do not have a specific end date in mind for this game. I believe campaigns should last as long as it takes for them to have a satisfying conclusion. That being said, my games tend to be on the longer end so keep that in mind too.
If any of that sounds like your cup of tea, feel free to fill in the form down below! Hopefully we will get to create a great story together.
Lore
There is some lore within the Adamant Empire and the continent it is a part of, Kosmos, but nothing of massive importance that you would need to know right out of the bat. It has its own history and pantheon of Gods, etc, but honestly I am more than happy to work with the players to adjust the existent lore or to add entirely new one. Never hesitate to reach out to me.
The basics of the world are these though:
The Adamant Empire is thousands of years old. It is fairly similiar to the irl British Empire in many ways. It is extremely powerful and influential and it has supposedly independent colonies that in essence function as puppet goverments all over the continent. Few can match them in power.
That was until a hundred years ago.
King Edmund Diamant was determined to conquer one of the last remaining nations that could potentially rival the Adamant Empire, the elven isles of Yara Ambar. He miscalculated gravely, however, and that led to the Empire's first true loss. Taking advantage of the distraction, multiple colonies revolted and enough banded together to form the City States of Andora. With the assistance of their infernal supporters, the revolutionaries have gained some level of independence and are now almost certainly plotting to claim more and more of the Empire's lands for themselves.
The Empire's legions, coffers and reputation took a significant blow and they were forced to sign a treaty with the elven royalty.
Prince Orion was betrothed and later wed to an elven noble woman. This was a significant event because for centuries now, since the reign of Cedric the Conqueror, it had been strictly forbidden for non-humans to be part of the Adamantian nobility. The Oldblood families, the most ancient of bloodlines within the Empire, protested against the decision, but there was little to be done.
King Orion and his consort Queen Ciyradyl have reigned together for 70 years now. During their rule, peace and prosperity has largely been maintained and the people are content. More and more non-human families have also made their into the ton, a most scandalous occurence at first, but one that the ton has grown to accept with time, albeit some races more than others.
Alas, it is uncertain how long peace will last still. With the 99 year old King growing ill in body and mind, his wife and children have primarily taken over his duties. The City States of Andora stand proud to this day, a mark of shame upon the pride of any true Adamantian. Much conversation remains over what is to be done with them. Simultanously, there are many other forces who would benefit to see the Empire crumble on its knees.
Life in the Adamant Empire is about to change. Whether that change shall be for better or worse and what role you might play in it is yet to be revealed.
There is yet another element that needs to be discussed when it comes to the lore and that is the Gems/Steels separattion.
In essence, I and my players wished to replicate the sort of narratives one might encounter in the books of Jane Austen, where for example the Bennet family must marry all their daughters or they will end up with no inheritance (gasp!), but we still wished to be able to have PCs be male or to explore queer romances and narratives.
So, we settled on the following idea:
There is a secondary label by which individuals are put into one category or the other. People either bear the Mark of the Gem or the Mark of the Steel. This system of social distinction in essence replaces the era accurate existence of sexism.
Gems and Steels can be male or female, it does not matter. Similarly, Gems and Steels can be in relationships with men or women, that also does not matter. Creating offspring is still important within society, but magic can also accomplish that so gender or sexuality is not a factor.
What matters is that Gems are not allowed to inherit property and titles and are very limited in the careers that it is appropiate for them to have. They are expected to spend their time at home, tending to the needs of the household and the family. Steels have none of these restrictions.
Your characters are all Gems, meaning they need to marry -and marry well- in order to secure the best possible future for themselves.
Idea might be slightly altered in the future, but the skeleton of it should remain the same more or less.
As you might have figured out from this, while we will be trying to keep the spirit of the era and many of its customs, we won't be going for 100% historical accuracy (if you did not figure that out from the fact that magic exists). So, if that is what you are looking for, sorry but this table probably won't perfectly match your taste.
Table Rules
Given that we will be very focused on roleplay, character creation will have some according adjustments. you can find those down here:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1a7JdKnUQEfsoEOufrb8hACKmDBzIGaKEzXGKtT1sD7o/edit?usp=sharing
If you require some guidance in creating the narrative elements of your character, you can use this doc as a well as a sort of guideline:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1qAudZPqYzCS9lDZGp7E6ZtWQExmCvP3DQnUqFZ9u3Ww/edit?usp=sharing
Some more rulings to keep in mind:

• Social PvP is allowed, but combat must be discussed by the players and the GM beforehand.
• For inspiration, you can have up to 3 at a time.
• Drinking potions is a bonus action :)

And we might come up with more as we play.
Plot Hook
The Player Characters all have town lodgings in the same neighbourhood, Fairbrooke Square. Thus, they might know each other to some degree or they might not. That is up to the players.
Regardless, as you were all neighbours growing up, you would have grown up alongsides the at the time Viscountess Kristina Royce (Steel). The specific relationship and dynamics that you had with Kristina can be fleshed out later between you and I, but everyone knew her in some shape, way or form.
Ten years ago, Kristina's parents died, making her Countess of Stirling and shortly after she left to roam the sea as Royces tend to do. Whether you maintained contact with her afterwards is once again your decision to make.
Kristina has now returned to the Summit, shortly after breaking off her betrothal to Emil Pleasant (Gem), son of the Baron of Fairbrooke Square and another one of your neighbours. You can also decide what kind of dynamic you have with him too.
While your whole street is whispering about the impending social season and the latest hot gossip, you (the PCs) each receive an invitation to dinner from Kethryllia Royce, Doawger Countess of Stirling, grandmother of Kristina and former handmaiden to the Queen.
It is uncertain yet what she wishes to discuss with you about, but that private dinner will be the inciting incident of our game.
Player Requirements
If all this sounds good to you, then now it is time to see if you would be a good match for the table! The ideal player for us would match the criteria down down below.

• Is 18+.
• Has a decent internet connection.
• Has a laptop cause you need that for Foundry.
• Has a mic and camera and is comfortable with having the camera open for sessions (yes, this is obligatory. I understand why some might not like it, but I find roleplay flows much more smoothly when you can see the other's face so this is must. Sorry.)
• Is available every Sunday from 4 to 9 BST.
• Is LGBTQ+ friendly as I am not going to allow any kind of hate at my table.
• Loves roleplaying.

As you might have noticed, level of experience is not a concern here. Newbies and experienced players are welcome alike!
Player Application
If you match all the criteria above, wonderful! i can't wait to hear from you. Go ahead and fill the application in. It is a bit long, but I hope it will be as fun for you to fill in as it was for me to make.
I already have three amazing players and I am looking for two more to fill out the party. The form should remain open for around a week so take your time.
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSeXCoA6pUYSWk2WzsNq0Vb1N7xj3BSB8C3DEPVOmYfPAJ3KJg/viewform?usp=sf_link
Afterword
If you have read through all my ramblings, thank you very much! Remember to include the word "bonbon" in there so that I know you did.
This is a rather new experience for me if I am sincere. I have been GMing for a few years now, but this will be a very different sort of game to what I usually run and I am also rather new to Foundry too.
I cannot promise it will be a perfect experience, but I can promise that I will always strive to make it an enjoyable one. I am always open to critique and willing to adjust things for the entertainment and safety of the group.
I have bored you enough I would say. Farewell for now, gentle player. Let us not keep the ton waiting.

So, I'm still in college (25 started at 23). I have no employment other than eBay and e-commerce sales (most institutions don't care about this type of employment as any proof of how likely you'll pay it back). And I have assets worth $18,000 - $30,000 (the actual lowest price I could sell them for), mostly in categories like precious metals (jewelry), guitars and guitar parts, guitar amplifiers, computers and computer parts, IoT devices like iphones (, two iphone 6 & 6s, iphone 7, SE, iphone11, iphone14) 2 ipads, 2 apple earpods, and approximately $800-$1,400 in shoes, and clothing.
So, what options are there for me? I could have a family member (brother, uncle, mom ) to co-sign a loan with me. Or I could go to a pawn shop to use some of my items as collateral for a pawn loan. I doubt my family will just out right give me a loan (they always want me to do everything , which is good as a mentality thing , its just inconvenience for no reason at a certain point).
I want the loan today or at the least tomorrow..? I'm waiting on selling a few thousand of dollars of items on Facebook Marketplace, but that takes a while (1-6 weeks). If I had my old ebay account I couldv'e already sold this stuff within 1-2 weeks.
*So would a credit card be faster or just a loan from a credit union/bank??

Recently launched an "unlimited" service - writing, designing and optimizing landing pages.
Been doin' it since 2012, bespoke work, and want to see if the unlimited model will work:
https://getoptiwise.com/
Two clients so far, and working on a Facebook ad campaign offering 30-point landing page audits.
Usually charge $350 a pop per audit but wanting to bring huge value, vet the lead and then onboard if they're game.
I'm using MintCRO's "sprint testing" method to identify messaging that resonates with certain audiences:
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/156Kqj1hV17Vm6ezffv8qumSwsIFDkOxRbiqoSt7hFqo/edit?usp=sharing
Self promo for anyone who would benefit from an audit - sign up here:
https://getoptiwise.com/audit-request-kst
Upvote this if you wanna see where this goes and I'll keep posting updates!